#+ stopping for pizza cuz u gotta eat good while u shop

[queencryo]

@silly-go-round is asleep right now.

i guess i should make a journal for the past few days. as good a time as any. as AMY. heh. cuz shes super good and amazing. heh.

uh...... lessee.... for the two days after the last journal i just. hung out at the house while silly worked. i managed to not keep her in bed and make her late the second day. hung out a lot, watched more adventure time, worked on my tumblr filter script (lie. i judt ran it on my main. 200 posts / day is a bitchhhh) , played a good amount of ds3 (to pointof tetris effect at a couple points the nexg few days)

also did some like. helpful tasks. washed some dishes (undone quicklu, but. eh). not enough, mot as much as i shouldve, but... i tried i guess.

alao we've like. said the same thing at the dame time a Lot while ive been here and its like. nice. its really nice. same wavelength! i feel so close go her.

oh! alxo night before last we went grocery shoping. got food for prolly enoygh for the two weeks, but i guess we'll see. also a cheesecake! it was.... echausting. hily fuck it was exhaysting. jesus. the store was big and it took like 3 hours and $200 to get everything but. we did itttt.

we both mentionef that like. it felt nice to like. have a full fridge 2gether. cuz. it feels like were gonna have a futjre togetjer? u know. like that is. i love her a lot and it feels good for this to feel like a home for a little while. we hope that it can be so in tbe future.

so YESTERDAY she finally FINALLY taught me how to play magic the gathering. it was. a long time coming. but she brought me into the store and like. sat me down w some regulars and had me play commander. i played moooostly her snake deck, so like.that was fun!! i kept talki g about how i woulda gotten lorescale Coatl up to 39/39 and flying, had i like. gotten q more turn. but on that game D was running a mill deck that was. extremely long to play (that game took like ~>2 hours ugh), and was very bery annoying, so i didnt get to actually do that.

but it was fun! part of me wants to blog everything, but i dont think i will.

im glad to be able to use silly's decks, bc i dont think i want to make my own. im considering making a cheap angel deck or smth, but we'll see if yhat actually ends up happening.

i also met her girlfriend Iz, who is sweet. i played magic w her fkr a while, which was fun! she was runni g an annoying mono black deck (i kkow all these... these Terms and Words now, its incredible...)

shes sweet and i think i like her. dunno if enough to date yet (which makes me Partially regret flirting w her so much in the groupchat but. hey)

talked w her some, mostly about magic, hung out while silly closed the store, pet her cat, silly discovered that cyddling w TWO girlfriends is very nice (not rhat id know ;;;;;;;), was good times. i dont think im as comfy w izzy physically yet as i may have implied in messages, which hopefully wull be rectified by the message i just sent her (my initial physical comfort with people varies, it depends very much on the person)

skip forward, me and silly make a pizza at home cuz were fuckin tired, she admonishes me for not eating for uh... like 11 hours or smth (that mornings bagel was VERY good tho omg), but adderall, so like... meh.

uh... i dont think anything else on yesterday...

today! we waaamted to go to the store at like. 2. but in actuality got there at like! 330.

i went back to sleep cuz im a losenerd, and she. made this breakfast casserole thing. which hse put into a bagel abd brought to me bc i guess shes the best person on the entire earth oh my GOD. jesus

skip... apparently she knows maximum the hormone and doesnt like them very much... fair fair. (cause for xeath)

came to the store agai. tofay. it was fun and good. iz didnt come in today, do played some more with regulars. played w what is apparently called a blink deck, which revolvea arounf exiling cards then immediately bringing them back, to capitalize on "when this enters battlefield, do smth" cards. neat!

i DID actually manage to win today!!! the victory was. literally handed to me, but like. thats fine! i was playing silly's uhhh... elintor the masked? idr her name :( the mask planewalker! deck, which. i had SO much land, most of wh8ch was enchanfed. meaning it could be tapped then untapped w eljntor's thing, then tapped again for DOUBLE MANA. i mean. i had like 9/turn even b4 that but. BUT. i also had. i think i drew 3 creatures total. bit anyway. i had the white card that gave me a life whenever a creature was put on tge board (and also, w another enchantment, made all non-me creagurss and enchantments enter the board tapped, so. nya). so... rob had a card what dealt one damGe to all other players whenevr he puta. creature on the board. then he played united forces, which lets each player commit X mana to create X 1/1 soldier tokens on all players' boards. so. we made 28 white soldier tokens on everyones board. this killed perry, ans gave me, uh. 56 life (84 - 28). i then attacked ron for 28 w the soldiers, and drew sacred mesa, which lets me sacrifice 2 mana (1 any color, 1 white, but i had so many cards that said "this land can instead be tapped for 2 of any color, so like. ueah) to create a 1/1 flying pegasus token. so i. ended the game w 44 white 1/1 tokens. goblins get fucked.attack w my ssoldiers cuz his were tapped, so brought him down to 7 life. i didng catch what he did w the enchantment, but i think he said he like. put a copy of every creature on my side of the board onto his board, and then. cipying that enchantment 3 times. so. holy FUCK. wow. BUT those all came in tapped and i had 18 flying yokens, so. i still won! yay!!!! i won a game of magic!!!!!

goblin decks scare me. stop running krenko you fucks. exponential goblins goddamn

silly would come by every so often and like. look over my dhoulder and say "oh that was dumb whyd u use fabricate for thay" which is fair. but also god i love her. (i used fabricate for a mana generator insteaf of lightning greaves. whateverrrr) i love her so much dear god. i wish i coukd help w the store more, but. on the same time i also. dont enjoy working. so. maybe part time.

hm. what ekse. oh yeah i kove her so much.

by the end of the night it was just. me and her, rob and the two regulars i started out llaying w yestwrday. theyre sweet, i like them. theyre married. the dude calls me honey smtimes, which is. kinda weird? dunno how i feel about that. i guess fine. its gender-nice, but still a lil uncomfy. otherwise i like em fien, though. but they talked abouy moving into sillys apt. so thats cool!! better than her current (awful, terrible, lazy / horrifically depressed / manchild roomate, who doesnt clean ever) roomate. i was reading the monster of the week gamebook thruout, which i... bought, for some reason. idk. oh also i wanna make a fallen angel divine, because im... predictableeee. also a conspiracy thworist whos just a trans woman w way too much time and really weird hobbies (throwing knices, butterfly knife, net friends, etc). also a spooky. i speny like. 3 hours reading thr7 the monster of the week book while ppl played magic around me. i kinda wish i hadnt bought it, but hey! its neat c:

oh, also i didnt take adderall today. i dont think it went toooo bad, i think i like. was meaner and less thohghtful with what i said, but like. i guess thats better than feared. i took a caffeine pill (200mg) at ariund 10 which is. prolly why im wide awake right now. i regret doing that, sincr from what shes said tmos gonna be big)

she says we gotta be at her moms by 4, for reasons she WONT TELL ME. bit she says its part of one of her plans, i ASSUME the romantic one? im kind of afraid that ill like. no-sell it unwillingly because im abroke and soulless human being, but uh. i guess rhats thw risks we take to be alive :shrug: im excited. were also going to a shop (diff one) tmo, which im Quite excited for, as ive only been in similar shops by accident before. also doing laundry!!! which is important ^_^

oh ysah. so we got white castle on the way home. its. yeah she was r8ght. mediocre-at-best sliders. onions are bad.

we also made a pizza. whifh i ate most of. i overate. sob.

she fell asleep halfway thry an episode of nailed it. cant blame her, she seemed really tired. i hipe i dont disturb her rwst. and i feel so utterly blessed thay i can be around her.

ih!! i also fell down the last few staies ywstersay. bruised my arms, but otherwise fine. it was. idk, it is nice to knoe that others worry fir me and like me. she was very concerned. i love her.

#blog #ohio trip 2 #journal

[livingllz-blog]

The Story of Us: Part 2

WEEK 5:

This week, you went to colorado for hockey. We went to lunch and hung out the night before you left and I started ignoring your attempts to talk to me in person and just gave one word responses and even BABUSHKA-ed out of your room. You texted me later asking if I were upset w you. In all honesty I was upset w myself since I felt like I was dragging you along and couldn’t decide on how I felt. We talked that night before you left and I told you to keep your options open and maybe meet a girl in colorado (HAHA) bc I realized I couldn’t live w myself if I hurt you. Since I couldn’t decide on how I felt, you suggested we kiss. I honestly got so scared. I didn’t want our first kiss to be awkward and forced. But I also was afraid if I felt nothing in the kiss, it would hurt me or worse, you. I realized it was kinda a mistake and I really should have but by then, you were on your flight to colorado.

That Friday night/Saturday morning I called you. In tears. You were out to dinner w your whole team but made time for me. I cried about a douche that tried to get w me and I was honestly upset he didn’t wanna be friends after I said no. It was stupid but I was drunk and just couldn’t understand the situation. You cared mostly about whether or not he touched me in any way I didn’t want him to and once you found out I was safe and okay, you comforted me in the fact that you would be home soon and everything would be okay. That was enough for me to fall asleep

You returned from colorado saturday afternoon. I was really excited to see you esp after you sent me a snap saying “*winky emoji* tonight” and then never showed. Your excuse? “was tipsy yesterday”

That was the first time you lied to me and cancelled.

WEEK 6:

You suggested we get sushi that night after your business pitch meeting that “shouldn’t take long” and I was beyond excited. I love sushi. But then you had to cancel on dinner bc your meeting went too long and once you were free I wasn’t. But you didn’t even cancel on me did you. No I had to figure it out myself.

That was the second time you cancelled.

But ig it wasn’t that big of a deal bc you asked me to come up that night and somehow I ended up sleeping over again. We had class the next day and from some miscommunication, I ended up walking to class alone. You thought I said something else besides meeting up and when I asked why you didn’t just ask to clarify, you said “cuz actions speak louder than words?” “And what were your actions” “Too just keep laying there with you?”

You even suggested we have a cuddle sesh. The next day, I even met your sister and you bought me bubble tea. I gotta say it was nice. I could see us doing that more in the future.

Then the next night, you invited me to the hockey house. And then last minute you cancelled and said it wouldn’t be fun. I waited the whole night for this party and I was so disappointed. So my roommate (V) and I went to pi kap instead. Then we went to delta sig where I saw your friend (D). We took pictures together and decided to walk back to race together. We were originally gonna meet you on the lawn but it was so cold outside I called and told you we would be waiting on the couch. You immediately got really angry, frantically asking what couch (you assumed the one in my room) but I only meant the couch in the lobby.

This was the first time you got jealous. But not the first time you got salty. The most salty I’ve ever seen you.

The three of us walked to get my roommate from (U) and then we walked to get pizza. I made casual conversation w (D) and you just sulked behind us not talking to anyone. At one point (D) saw someone he knew and when he stopped to talk to them, you pulled my arm and said “let’s go, he’ll catch up later”. At the pizza place, I was looking out the window for (D) to make sure he was coming and you said “whatever. Who care’s where (D) is”. When we left the pizza shop, you didn’t leave w us and when I asked, you said “I wanna stay here”. I had to basically babysit you the entire way home, your mood only lightening up when (D) went back to his room. I got out of the elevator on my floor w my roommate (V) and you reached out to me and said “where are you going?” I said “to my room to eat my pizza?” You replied “maybe I’ll see you later tonight”. I honestly didn’t want to. You were acting so weird all night and I just wanted to eat my pizza and sleep. But then later you texted “so you don’t want to hang out with me?” And I knew it wouldn’t be good if I didn’t come up so I did. When I walked into your room, you had your head in your hands and it sounded like you were crying when we talked. You kept mumbling something about (D) and leaving you to go dance w him. It was so funny bc it obviously wasn’t what I wanted. But you couldn’t see that. You were too blinded by your jealousy. I then tried to put you to bed and you kept throwing salty comments at me but I knew you were drunk and upset so I just let them all slide. You asked me why I wasn’t getting into bed w you when I tucked you in and I told you I wanted to sleep in my bed but you weren’t having it. You were so convinced I was going to leave you for (D) after you went to sleep. HA.

The next night, we had our third talk. And in that, I basically friend zoned you. I didn’t think I could deal w how clingy you were the night before and this was all before we were even dating. I told you I was so busy and I didn’t have enough time for a relationship and that it wouldn’t be fair to you.

WEEK 7:

The next two days after our talk, you were really salty at me. I asked you to go on a walk w me and you said no. I asked you to go to dinner and you said you just left. Finally after you asked to hang not so well “what you up too” *3 mins pass* “fuck it nvm”. We ended up watching stranger things and cuddling, so ig it worked kinda well. We even had a cuddle sesh the next night too, even tho I was sick. I hadn’t eaten anything all day and decided I should at least drink a smoothie but going out into the cold wasn’t a good idea for me so you memorized my order and actually got dressed to walk out into the cold just to get a smoothie for me. My heart swelled. How were you such a good guy. I didn’t think I deserved you and you were so whipped for me.

WEEK 8: where things start going downhill

You said we couldn’t hang out anymore or cuddle bc “I teased you too much”. Okay can I just say, while we were cuddling, I didn’t understand why your dick was OUT OF YOUR PANTS. That’s not a thing!!!

This weekend, we hung out friday night and I fully thought we were gonna sleep together. And when we woke up? I was gonna ask you out. But of course things never happen as they should. You were really salty that night when I said I would go back out to another party, you said “just go. Idk what you’re still doing here” I stayed in w you, for you. And when I was ready for bed, you said I’m gonna sleep here tonight. Even tho there were ppl fucking in your room. Why couldn’t we sleep in my bed? Bc you wanted to sleep in yours. That’s such bullshit.

That is the third time you cancelled. And the worst time of all.

The next night, we met up outside of our building and I thought we were just gonna go up to your room, but instead you took us to the hockey house to play flip cup. I was surprisingly really good. We even had a 1v1 and I beat your ass haha. If I wasn’t already drunk before, I definitely was now. But I still remember everything that happened that night. We played more flip cup and even did some dancing together. I love dancing, I can’t believe it took us 8 weeks to dance together. Can’t say you’re too bad at it either. Also, can I just say leading up to tonight, you have always respected my boundaries and not tried to push me to do anything I didn’t want to. You never forced yourself onto me or kissed me when I didn’t want it. While you’ve made the situations, going the 90%, you ALWAYS waited for me to put in that last 10% when I was ready. That was something I really respected about you. Tonight was kinda the same, while we were dancing, you did try and kiss me but instead I asked what the hell last night was about, you not wanting to sleep w me. You said “can we talk about this later” and I just went on dancing and you moved on. I ended up talking to this guy that went to PSU since my best friend goes there and I was asking him about their parties. I noticed you eyeing us, so I included you into the conversation but if anything that just made you more salty and we left almost immediately after that. On the walk home, I asked you again about last night. For some reason you seemed really hesitant but we pinky promised to tell the whole truth. You said “I don't understand what we are. Normal ppl don’t just cuddle as much as we do and it never leads to anything. We haven’t even had our first kiss yet!” So I kissed you. Under the tree next to the parking lot outside our building. “What I only get one kiss” And I kissed you again.

Honestly I expect a kiss to have fireworks and be amazing. All the other guys I’ve kissed, there has been nothing in the kiss. But with you, I felt something more. Not fireworks and the whole shabang, but I did feel a little spark. Maybe it just needed more time. After all we only knew each other for 8 weeks.

But then as we stood under our building roof, you holding both my hands bc it was cold and it also made it more intimate and dramatic, you said that you needed more from me. You wanted to fuck me. “Don’t use that word tho (fuck), it’s not the only thing I want from you. I also want a relationship”. But I had told you already, I’m not having sex until marriage to which you replied “I know you’re a good Christian girl. But 10 years is a long time. What if it’s in the moment tho? What about true love”

Whoa whoa whoa. What about true love??? We’ve known each other for 8 years. You can’t be serious. You can’t be saying you love me..can you? So I asked you “do you love me?”

“I like you a lot and I feel really comfortable around you”

“I feel comfortable around other ppl but it doesn’t mean I love them. Do you love me? Yes or no”

“Yes I do”

WOW what a truth bomb.

But by the end of the night, it’s agreed that we have differences of opinion and one of us has to decide. There’s no compromise here and I’m not folding on what I believe. So if he truly likes me so much, loves me, he needs to decide he’s not having sex, not having sex w me. He asks for some time to thing about it and I tell him of course, he should think it through. But I’m not worried. Sex is such a little thing. It shouldn’t be a deal breaker, esp if he likes me so much.

The night before thanksgiving break, we’re playing Kings in your room and the card is never have I ever. Your roommate (C) goes “never have I ever waited until marriage”

Ouch. What hurt even more? When someone asked (C) why he said that, he replied “I wanted Liz to drink”

So you told your roommates something extremely private about me, and then they used it against me. That’s fucking messed up.

I talked to you about it the next morning before I left for break and you apologized for him. You said it was never your intention to hurt me and I knew that was the truth. I willingly forgave you.

Throughout thanksgiving break, the time apart makes me realize I like you more and more. I can’t wait for us to talk after break bc then we can finally start going on dates and seeing what the future has in store for us.

#story #girl #drama #boys #college #storytime #crush