#[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars.

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                         SOLDIER DOESN'T MEAN MONSTER. 

IND. SEL. PRV.     Angeal Hewley   &&   Zack Fair  from    FFVII  as loved by Silver && Mari. 

#ffvii rp #final fantasy rp #ffvii remake rp #[SELF PROMO.] — TO BECOME A HERO #you said you wanted a promo MONTHS AGO....well here we go #it took me an age #hope you like it ^^ #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars. #niopham.

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Sometimes I think about how Angeal is punching this 16 / 17-year-old kid ,right in the gut && trying to make him fight back && Zack’s little smile when he refuses to fight him. 

[ Making Zack fight && kill Angeal was so deeply scarring but then the game forces Zack to fight each of his mentors in turn, && you can't tell me he doesn't think of Angeal each time he fights Genisis or Sephiroth. Esp that last Genisis fight, where he’s acting like Angeal was. && Zack is hit with the realisation that it’s happening again && has to swallow back this little choked cry before asking ‘why is everyone always putting these things on him. ‘]

#The face of a kid trying to hold it togther while his mentor is trying to force him into killing him ... #I love Angeal but he fucked up so badly when it comes to Zack #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars. #[HEADCANON.] — THE HOPE IN HIM DARES TO REIGNITE THE SUN

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Sometimes I see people within the wider fandom talk about how Zack's echoing of the SOLDIER mantra, about honour ect ect, means he still buys into SOLDIER && therefore Shinra. && I need to say from the bottom of my heart, that just ain't it.

Everything from pressing the sword to his forehead, to the words he speaks is an echo of ANGEAL. We see him press the sword to his forehead before in times of stress. [ When he's having a break down in the Inn with Cloud five years prior && even in the OG when he escapes the labs && the first thing he does is press the sword to his forehead. ] It's an

He does this action TO COMFORT HIMSELF && settle his nerves. For one; at this point, Zack has been isolated && practically alone in full survival mode for the last 9 months. Cloud's life is desperately linked to his, because in Zack's mind unless he protects him, a defenceless Cloud is dead. So if Zack dies so does Cloud. && here he is facing almost certain death with little means of escape. [ It's why he's so happy to see him when he's legit dying. Because at least Cloud is safe. ]

Two; Zack has had the last 4 years of his life stolen from him, he's been abused && tortured, && the marks in the tanks / attempts at communications with Cloud signify that he was lucid.  

So really Zack is a waking mess && if you don't think he's terrified, you'd be wrong. Zack's death was not some noble sacrifice, he was fighting with everything he had so that they could both live.  Echoing the SOLDIER mantra plus pressing the buster sword to his forehead was Zack settling his nerves/fears && using it as a source of bravery, he was emulating Angeal even now because he so desperately needs to be brave, he needs to be that SOLDIER.

#look zack is v brave but it's also human to be very afraid #yep yep #[HEADCANON.] — THE HOPE IN HIM DARES TO REIGNITE THE SUN #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars. #[CLOUD.] — You && Atlas are one && the same. Cursed to hold up a weight you can’t bare. #[SELF.] — HE SMILED && IT WAS LIKE THE SUN

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Tag drop. II

#[SELF.] — HE SMILED && IT WAS LIKE THE SUN #[CLOUD.] — You && Atlas are one && the same. Cursed to hold up a weight you can’t bare. #[AERITH.] — She was spring — golden && bright. #[MARLENE.] — From her smile the sun still shined. #[DENZEL.] — The little wolf pup. #[TIFA.] — She loved the stars too fondly to ever be fearful of the night. #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars. #[CISSNEI.] — The bold && the nameless. #[Kunsel.] — by my side through it all. #[SEPHIROTH.] — You were a blazing star — when did you start to go out? #tag drop

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                          ZACK FAIR BEING AN ACTUAL PUPPY.   1/? 

             ❝      Zero attention span, restless as a little puppy.    ❞

#myedit #mine #zack is a puppy #mutuals may reblog #[SELF.] — HE SMILED && IT WAS LIKE THE SUN #[AESTHETICS.] — EYES INFUSED WITH MAKO ENERGY — A SOLDIERS TRADEMARK #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars.

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Angeal installed this mantra of HONOUR, SOLDIER, DREAMS in Zack, this mentality that he shouldn't kill. [Unless he can help it.] && Then he also forced 17-year-old Zack to kill him before thanking him.  Now I love Angeal, but fuck if there ever was an Angeal / Zack reunion it would be bittersweet, no two ways about it.

#[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars. #tw: suidice #tw: survivor's guilt #[OOC.] — MARI CHITCHATS

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ZACK: Hey, everybody, I have some bad news. Due to circumstances beyond my control-

ANGEAL: Impulsivity and inattention to detail.

ZACK: Hey.

#incorrect qoutes #[SELF.] — HE SMILED && IT WAS LIKE THE SUN #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars. #[SHENANIGANS.] — Me? — GONGAGA. #[QUEUE.] — ZACK’S NOT HERE RIGHT NOW LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP

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Anyway’s Zack is allowed to call Angeal out on all his bullshit && express all his anger at his mentor, but if anyone else does it, they are going to  be met either with a very dismissive Zack or a snarky Zack. He will either turn v cold or he will fight you....he will probably fight you!!

#His relationship with Angeal is very very complicated #he's both v v bitter but also loves the man a lot and he's very angry but he's also mourning #and he feels like he can't be angry because he's also heartbroken #it's a big mess #[HEADCANON.] — THE HOPE IN HIM DARES TO REIGNITE THE SUN #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars.

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❝ I think Cloud... has been through enough already. ❞

❝  Carrying that burden all by yourself, that isn’t right.  ❞      

 [ Zack && Serah in  World of Final Fantasy. ]

❝ At the very least I need to pretend for their sake. ❞

[ Zack in  Dissidia Final Fantasy Opera Omnia  ]

I am fully aware that these are not canon games, BUT their  portrayal of Zack’s character is so on point it makes me want to cry. Zack is the protector, he carries everything on his own shoulders && doesn’t like dividing up the burdens, HONESTLY, Zack’s reluctance to be a ‘burden, ‘ is very a line with the experiences he’s gone through in Crisis core, partially when in relation to Cloud && Angeal.  

❝ Why is everyone always putting things on me! ❞

[ Zack in Crsis Core.  ]

The people Zack trusted, those he looked up to as mentors && as people to follow, used that trust && manipulated that bond till Zack was stuck in impossible situation. Till he was left carrying emotional burdens that he couldn’t possibly deal with at the age of sixteen. While it’s without question that Zack’s relationship with the original SOLDIER Trio [ Especially Angeal. ] was something that pushed him into being the man who he is today, && brought about many positive developments in his personal growth. [To be a hero you must have dreams && honour.]  I’d be remiss if I didn’t also note that they were also a substantial part of his disillusionment with the system / world they live in as a whole. 

 Both Angeal && Genesis tried to manipulate Zack to fight && end them.  Zack who looked up to them, [ Especially Angeal.] Sephiroth, had become the one Zack clung to during this turmoil as a guiding source, refused to deal with a lot of the conflict directly && while that’s understandable. [he was their friend.] This meant that the burden for fighting Angeal && Genesis fell onto Zack. Zack who was still a wide eyed teenager, Zack who looked up to Angeal, Zack who just wanted to be good && to be a hero. 

On the topic of burdens, Angeals very teaching && guiding morality that he passed onto Zack are a BURDEN to him. They are impossible to upkeep in the world they live in, so much so that Zack has literal nightmares of being seen as a failure in Angeal’s eyes. He wants to be good, he wants to be a hero, but that’s impossible to do when he’s had to fight tooth && nail for his own survival. 

This legacy of placing a burden on those who trust && admire you is something Zack is simply refusing to do. Even if it means he has to shoulder all the weight alone. it’s why I hate the english localization line  of ❝ You’re my living legacy ❞ && have a strong preference for the original JP line of  ❝ Proof that I existed.  ❞  Zack  here is refusing to burden Cloud further, even in death he’s trying to comfort his friend. Because he’s experienced being someones living legacy, he’s experienced being manipulated into impossible situations && he wants Cloud to be sheltered from this. 

So yeah, Zack is a protector,he bottles things up && carries all the weight of things on his own shoulders, it’s something he was forced into as a teenager by the adults around him, && it’s something he carries on doing now as a way to spare his loved ones from suffering or worrying. 

#[HEADCANON.] — THE HOPE IN HIM DARES TO REIGNITE THE SUN #[CLOUD.] — You && Atlas are one && the same. Cursed to hold up a weight you can’t bare. #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars. #[SEPHIROTH.] — You were a blazing star — when did you start to dim? #tw: long post

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ENG DUB vs JP DUB.  [ In response to Cloud lamenting that he’s not a SOLDIER. ] 

Zack: SOLDIER is like a den of monsters don’t go inside. 

Zack: SOLDIERS are like monsters, so forget about it. 

This was honestly going to be a quick complaining post about the eng dub, BUT! I love love love this whole scene between Zack + Cloud, there’s so much to unpack, && it show cases so much of Zack’s inner thoughts, stubbornness && motivations.

To me the JP dub feels a lot more natural, && it’s one of those times where I really don’t get why there was any need change it, esp since it flows better. The eng dub suggest that SOLDIER the department is monstrous. While the JP seems to just flat out && says that Zack is thinking he’s a monster himself. This echos nicely with the following scenes but also the rest of the compilation.  Such as when, Elmyra states that by joining SOLDIER, the boys are giving up the chance of normality for power.  You can’t be in SOLDIER && be considered as a normal human. 

“ SOLDIERS are like monsters, so forget about it.”  Is a sentiment that’s also previously shared by Angeal.   [ && it’s also been talked about, in a lighter manner by Aerith && Zack himself. Saying; SOLDIERS aren’t normal, that Zack isn’t normal.] 

Having Zack refer to himself as a monster just hits that much harder, when you know his aspirations && his sense of self are tied so deeply with SOLDIER. If Zack considers himself to be a monster...Can he be a hero ?  && Then you have the next scene,  where Zack has to use the Busters word to ground himself && keep from spiraling. 

He’s struggling, he doesn't know what’s right, what’s wrong && all he has to guide him is his dead mentors mantra, so he holds onto it with everything he has...because he just NEEDS it. He needs to believe that there is pride && honor in being in SOLDIER, that he’s not a monster. 

#[OOC.] — MARI CHITCHATS #this scene in the eng always bugged me a little #[HEADCANON.] — THE HOPE IN HIM DARES TO REIGNITE THE SUN #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars.

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Thinking about Zack’s scars again, && how the most noticeable ones [facial scars aside. ] were given to him by Angeal && Sephiroth, the two people Zack admired most. 

He has an ugly burn across his chest after Angeal pelted him with that fireball. 

&& a jagged slash across his chest after his fight with Sephiroth. 

#tw: scars #tw: violence #this is fine C: ... #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars. #[SEPHIROTH.] — You were a blazing star — when did you start to dim?

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Thanks to a lot of Angeal’s teachings Zack has impossible standards when it comes to his own morality && the idea of how to be a good. [ how to be a hero..]  && these ideals just don’t coexist easily with everything he’s had to do in the name of his && Cloud’s survival.  :’)

#Angeal would rather die than be a monster...but Zack just really really wants to live #he loves life...he wants to live so desperately :/ #just...u know...shinRa say's no #[HEADCANON.] — THE HOPE IN HIM DARES TO REIGNITE THE SUN #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars.

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Watching that ONE Angeal + Zack scene brakes my heart. Angeal takes a couple of steps forward && Zack instantly scoots back, until he stops allowing Angeal to close, && punch him in the gut, sending the kid flying across the room. 

#[OOC.] — MARI CHITCHATS #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars. #[SELF.] — HE SMILED && IT WAS LIKE THE SUN #tw: violence

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When Zack goes on about SOLDIER pride, honor && dreams he never equates that with ShinRa. It’s always without question connected to Angeal’s teachings It’s a mantra to remind him of the man who he greatly admired && the man he, himself should strive to be.  ShinRa’s connection to SOLDIER && Shinra’s vision / version of SOLDIER is something Zack considers to be monstrous, “SOLDIER is like monsters, so forget about it.”   It’s Angeal’s legacy Zack is trying so hard to uphold, it’s the only thing that would still bind him to SOLDIER. 

#[HEADCANON.] — THE HOPE IN HIM DARES TO REIGNITE THE SUN #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars. #[SELF.] — HE SMILED && IT WAS LIKE THE SUN

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“Everyone is always using me as they please.”

Zack is just so fucking done with ShinRa, with Genisis, with Angeal. He’s just so triggered that both Angeal && Genisis used him a means to kill themselves, && Zack is fucking done. He’s tired of this, he’s tired of being used, of being forced into an impossible situation, after impossible situation, of having to taint himself && his own morals because of other people && their bullshit actions. He wanted to be a SOLDIER, to be a HERO, he didn’t want any of this bullshit && he hasn’t been able to avoid any of it, he’s just dragged in deeper && deeper. 

#tw: suidice #[HEADCANON.] — THE HOPE IN HIM DARES TO REIGNITE THE SUN #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars.

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Zack getting back up with arms up in a guard, it’s instinct, it’s part of his training && then he just drops it. Shaking his head && smiling as Angeal shouts at him to fight before he sends him flying off the sector 5 plate. 

#zack is 16 and this is gonna give him trust issues :/ :/ :/ #like Angeal is someone zack trusts...he's his support system...he's the person zack has built his whole ethos around #and this scene hurts me #[OOC.] — MARI CHITCHATS #[ANGEAL.] — You taught me the courage of stars. #[SELF.] — HE SMILED && IT WAS LIKE THE SUN #tw: violence