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meshlasolus · 1 month

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The Winner Takes It All

Episode 14

Pairing: Finnick Odair x Tribute(OC)!Reader

Chapter Warnings: Sadness, Anxiety, after effects. Finnick is a darling (per usual). Caesar Flickerman is a huge asshole in this but we're not gonna talk about that. Depressive Episode, angst, slight fluff.

Chapter Summary: Finnick's Victor arrives back, but she isn't adjusting like everyone expects her to. The Flickerman Show just stirs the pot.

Word Count: 4.2k

y'all are getting the double update with the season one finale right after this you are welcome.

“We loved watching you both interact, just as much as we loved hearing him talk about you.” Your brow furrowed again, and you had no idea what he was talking about. You hadn’t been separated from Lukas the entirety of the games, only splitting for the first time at the waterfall… surely you would have heard anything he said about you. “He s-spoke about me?”

Finnick and Mags walked on eggshells around you when you were brought back to the apartment. Arbin as usual could not sway his personality, even for the time being, but you didn’t blame him for it. You just wished that it was under better circumstances. Better meaning you’d never gone into that arena, and nobody else ever did, either.

You were silent again. You nodded or shook your head when spoken to, trying to gesture for other words outside of yes and no, but you couldn’t bring yourself to speak.

Finnick didn’t push you, he understood. He’d been dealing with the outcome of his games for years now, and he knew better than most the effects of losing a friend in the arena.

When it was time to settle in for the evening, everyone had already been long asleep. The victory was to resume in the morning. There would be a parade, and another interview with Caesar Flickerman, in which you would definitely need to sleep for.

Arbin was about to drone on again about all the amazing and wonderful things you were going to experience… but you didn’t want to hear any of it, and Finnick knew well enough by the look on your face that his well meaning antics were the last thing you needed.

“I think it’s time we all turn in. She’s got a busy day tomorrow.”

Finnick’s interruption seemed to have worked, and Mags gave you one more gentle squeeze on the arm before going to her room.

“I suppose it can all wait till tomorrow. How exciting, to finally have another victor!” Arbin shouted, leaving down the hall and leaving only yourself and Finnick in the common room.

He looked at you, not with pity, but with empathy. He could feel your emotions, he remembered them well. The sorrow, the confusion of victory, the pain of loss, and the numbness of what was coming next. He knew and he hated it for you, but over everything, he couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t the slightest bit relieved. You’d won, and you were alive, and as selfish as he’d thought himself to be before, he wasn’t going to have to wonder what he would have done if you died. He doesn’t have to think that way, because you’re here, in front of him.

“I know it’s gonna be hard to try… but you really need some sleep.”

You nodded, moving from your seat and standing to leave.

“If you need anything, I’m here for you.”

You smiled softly at him, the best way you possibly could. It was still somber, and it was tight lipped, but it was a smile.

You left the room right after, going past the door that was your counterpart’s and having to keep your mind in the numb place, refusing to let the thoughts of your dearest friend plague your mind. You’d have the rest of your life to grieve and think of him, but tonight of all nights, you needed to sleep.

You closed your door and sank down against it, taking as many slow and deep breaths as you could. You pulled yourself up, and managed to somehow sustain the energy to change and ready yourself to sleep. The numbness helped a little. It made you like a robot, doing tasks on autopilot until you were sitting at the edge of your bed, unsure of what to do or where to go from here. You reckon you should actually get into your bed and lay down… but you hate the idea of this bed, so big and spacious and just for you, all by yourself.

You hate the idea of this entire room, suddenly.

You try to turn towards the window, looking out and over the city, but you find no solace in the largeness of it. You cannot see a single soul roaming about at this hour, and so you feel alone once again.

You are alone now. Lukas is gone, and you have no one. You didn’t ever have any other friends, merely acquaintances that tolerated your presence, still poking fun at you like most did. There is no one you have left but yourself… but you hate yourself for letting Lukas die. You hate that it was him and not you. You hate that you’re alive right now and he’s become a permanent part of that arena. Year after year the hunger games will pass, but you will never forget that rainforest, that canopy of trees where you lost so many people, and the one who mattered the most.

You’re alone in this world. Your mother and father love you dearly, but they cannot protect you like he did. You’ve lost your protection, your safeplace. You have lost your security.

You try to block out the thoughts but they rage through your head, creating chaos on the inside whilst the room around you is engulfed in silence.

You try to sit down on your bed again, but you never reach the edge of it.

You leave the room, door ajar on your way out and down the hall. It’s not a good idea and it shouldn’t be the first one you have, but the end of the hallway calls to you and you don’t ignore it.

You knock only once because that’s all it takes. He opens the door, having been right beside it, and looks to you with a kind expression.

“Are yo-”

You step forward, gently coming into contact with him as your arms encircle his waist. You let your head rest against his chest, and feel within a second that his arms come around you. This is safety and security. Lukas isn’t here anymore… but Finnick is, and he went through hell and high water for you to make it back alive.

He’s not the person you want to find solace in, but he’s here, and he’s willing to take you into his arms, and you adore him for it. You cling to him as if you’ve never been held before.

“C-can I stay here?” It’s spoken softly, but he hears it loud and clear. The first words you’ve uttered since leaving the medical bay outside of the arena.

“Of course,” he says without missing a beat.

He’s clinging to you, too. More than you would ever know. His first victor, though that title means nothing to him. You’re so much more to him than just a prized victor. He believes without a doubt that you are the missing puzzle piece he’s been in pursuit of since winning his games. Since feeling a constant emptiness and constant loss, he needed to find something worth making his life full.

He pulls you along with him, taking steps backward to his bed. Again, far too large for any one person to sleep in, but maybe with the two of you, the space won’t seem so endless.

“It’s b-beautiful,” you let out, staring with a smile at the work that Dalton had done, creating a dress for you to wear for your interview. You weren’t excited about it by any means… but you did have a better outlook this time, and if you could survive the hunger games, you could survive a ten minute segment with Caesar Flickerman.

“I started making it after the first day,” he admits, his smirk following you as you walked around it, taking in the detail. He had a hunch, just like Finnick, and just like most. You were going to be the victor.

“You all had f-far too much confidence in m-me.”

“I’d say that confidence paid off.”

He took the beautiful gown off of the mannequin, helping you into it as a few other stylists rushed around with hair accessories and what not.

This was quite a big event for you. You were quickly realizing what winning the hunger games meant, not only for your own self. It wasn’t just something you accomplished, it was something that the entire capitol got to be a part of. Your sponsors got to relish in your victory just as much as you did, except, you didn’t relish in it at all.

When you were ready, they added the finishing touches, mermaid scales on the corners of your eyes, fanning out over your cheekbones in a beautiful manner.

You looked like the daughter of Poseidon, a stunningly gorgeous mythical creature of the waters.

You’d found yourself getting a bit caught up in the mirror, not quite recognizing the person you saw in front of you. She was someone else. She was the victor, not you. She’d been the one to break your moral code and seek vengeance over anything else in that arena. She was an ethereal being, capable of tumultuous feats, and daring quests. She was strong and confident, and showed no mercy… and now you have to rely on her to get you out of the capitol, past this interview and the crowning ceremony that will take place tomorrow. She’s the only one who can do this, because you know, deep down, if you go it alone, as yourself… you will fail.

“You’re on in a minute,” one of the stage managers had come to let you know, and guided you back through the wings to the side of the curtain.

Caesar droned on about the highlights of the games, mentioning a few of the other tributes, Lukas’ name resurfacing. You couldn’t avoid it, you knew it would be the primary topic of the interview… but still you had to do this, they wouldn’t let you leave, or back out, or anything at all. You belonged to the capitol now.

“I must say, the climax of this year’s games is one of my favorites of all time. A blaze of fire brought tremendous victory,” he said, his showmanship coming out with every word. “And I personally would love to hear about it firsthand, from this year’s winner!”

The crowd started clapping, and you took your queue to walk out, the people rising to their feet just at the sight of you. It’s not as warm a welcome as it seems to be. The whistles immediately take you off guard and put you in a bad headspace, but you persist.

“Here she is!”

You put on a smile and wave to the crowd, hearing your name yelled back at you from various places in the audience.

You both sit down when the applause dies out a little, and the interview commences. You know the exact questions before he asks them.

“It is good to see you alive and well. I know we are all more than excited to hear all about your experience in the games… but I have to start out with a question of my own. Had you really not been able to swim before entering the games?”

He seemed genuinely interested in your answer, perhaps because he hadn’t been expecting to see your disappointing display after the first interview he had with you.

“No, I c-couldn’t.”

“But you learned rather fast,” he assumed, a bit of a laugh under his tone.

“I wasn’t r-ready to die yet.”

“Of course! Your determination had us all on our toes! So… What exactly was your strategy when going into the arena?”

“I m-mostly just stayed with my allies. T-they were the ones to p-protect me, I owe them m-my life.”

It was a sweet answer, or at least the crowd thought so, but it was the honest to God truth. You would not be sitting on this stage if not for Lyra, Rodey, and Lukas.

“They took down some mighty enemies. I recall Lyra and Rodey fighting off a panther!”

“Yes, they w-were amazing.”

Caesar leaned in closer, his signature smirk playing on his lips as he mentioned the next question… your hands got sweaty when it rolled off his tongue.

“Not quite as amazing as you. Tell me, how did it feel to defeat the last tribute?”

“I uh…” don’t want to talk about this… that wasn’t me, and it isn’t me. “It was s-strange.”

“Strange? My dear, could you elaborate on that?”

It took you a minute. You’d much rather talk about the other tributes, about the way they fought or the allies who protected you. All of that had been easier because it was true. This, it tortured you. That girl may have killed Lukas, but he would have killed her if he could, because that’s the game.

“I’ve never thought a-about taking someone else’s life before. I think I just l-let the adrenaline t-take over,” you hoped that was a good enough answer, but he dug for more.

“And how did you come up with your trap to kill her? It was brilliant, we were all watching with such anticipation when you set everything up!”

The crowd had a moment before you spoke, which you were grateful for. It gave you a moment to process the question and think of something normal to say. This was an act, you had to start behaving like it.

“I had done s-something similar in my evaluation…”

“Aha! I had been thinking about that… no wonder you managed a perfect score! How did it feel to be one of the highest scoring tributes in the competition?”

“It… m-made it easier to go into the a-arena.”

Not really, it didn’t. But the crowd was hanging onto your every word, and you had to keep them where they were, in the palm of your hand.

“Yes, I imagine so. Did your allies covet your score at all?”

You furrowed your brows… Lukas had a perfect score, too. You never got to find out what he did to get it. He had been the pick of the litter, but now everyone is acting like it had been you all along, the capitol favorite.

“No, my allies were d-devoted to helping each other. They w-were strong, and far b-braver than I was,” you admitted, again going back to the truth of the matter. Your allies, or the memory of them, was the only thing you were able to speak realistically on. They were the ones who got you out.

“Your allies were tough competitors. I understand you were close with one in particular…”

He trailed off, but you took the silence as your queue to speak, and surprisingly, it felt natural.

“Lukas was m-my best friend. He’s always been there f-for me, I’m just sorry I c-couldn’t do the same for him,” you felt a ball of tension in your throat at the mention of his name from your lips. It still felt sensitive to speak of him when he wasn’t here.

“We loved watching you both interact, just as much as we loved hearing him talk about you.”

Your brow furrowed again, and you had no idea what he was talking about. You hadn’t been separated from Lukas the entirety of the games, only splitting for the first time at the waterfall… surely you would have heard anything he said about you.

“He s-spoke about me?”

“He did, with your other ally, Rodey. Apparently,” he paused for suspense, turning to the crowd to make sure he had them on their toes. “He was in love with you.”

Your chest had restricted, the tightness preventing you from taking anything more than a shallow breath. Why was he telling you this? Was it even true? Is this the material the capitol thinks is worthy of entertainment? Of course it is, the primary reason the hunger games are even still going is because of the entertainment factor.

“When d-did he say that?”

Caesar looked straight into the camera with a smile, and pointed to the screen behind him.

“We have a clip for you, right here.”

You watched as they projected the scene, you were fast asleep in Rodey’s arms, tear stains still gracing your cheeks as the two boys spoke. Seeing Lukas alive was haunting, but what was worse were the things he said.

He mentioned not only being in love with you, but also having a childhood thought of growing up to marry you. That wasn’t just some schoolboy crush. Lukas loved you. He would have been the only boy that ever did.

When the clip was over, you could feel the tears welling up in your eyes, but you couldn’t let them fall, because they couldn’t be allowed the satisfaction. It was cruel enough to talk about Lukas let alone show you how he felt without his permission. He never told you.

Rodey hadn’t been the only one in that arena with feelings, but Lukas was smart enough to keep it hidden, and it should have stayed hidden.

“My dear, that boy was right about one thing,” Caesar paused, again playing towards the audience when he spoke these words. “You are truly beautiful.”

All you could muster, the only strength you had, was a small “Thank you.”

“I am so glad to have been able to meet with you again, and I know everyone will be excited to see you tomorrow at your crowning ceremony… but for now, let’s give it up for the winner of the seventy-first hunger games!”

He stood up, helping you to a stand before raising your fist in the air. You didn’t say anything, didn’t smile, and held back the tears you wanted to let loose more than anything. As soon as he let go of your hand, you nodded to him once more and left the stage, going as fast as you could without being suspicious.

You didn’t make it far backstage before the floodgates opened, and the oceans built up within you started to spill over. You found the empty green room, and walked into it, unaware that you were being followed until you felt a pair of arms around you.

He instantly pulled you into his chest, and you felt the familiarity of him, his scent, the curve of his strong arms and shoulders, and finally, his soothing voice.

“I know,” he said, his sadness for you showing in his own emotional state. He had fought tooth and nail to get back here, even though they said he wouldn’t be permitted. He had no idea Caesar’s team was going to pull something like that. He would have caused hell for them if he had. If it had been any other tribute- victor, he would probably be complacent. But not you… not his Mercy.

“He s-said that he-” you cut yourself off on account of the sob that racked your body. It was terrible the way you were made to feel, and so soon after probably the most traumatic event of your life. “Why did t-they-?”

“I don’t know,” he tried to answer, not wanting to rant to you given your current state. It would do no good to spew profanities towards the capitol while you were clutching his arms and crying onto his shirt.

“He n-never told me,” you let out, the sounds of your sadness only intensifying. “He’s gone…”

Finnick didn’t know what to do. He wanted to make this better, he would do anything… but how could he make this go away? He couldn’t just resurrect Lukas from the dead and give him back to you, although he swears he would if it meant you would be happy again.

“I know, I’m so sorry,” he looked around, the exit of the green room seeming all too inviting right now. He knew that if someone heard your cries the room would fill with nosy capitol goers, looking to stir the pot even more. He needed to get you into a place that was secluded, and far away from anyone that wanted to pry. “Let’s get you out of here, okay?”

You nodded against his chest, pulling away only slightly to be able to take steps, but clinging to his arms even still. You’d designated him as your primary source of safety and security last night, and had been cemented in that idea as soon as you woke up in his embrace this morning. Seeing his sleepy smile was the only thing that got you out of bed.

His steps were rapid, and they got longer with each stride. You were probably supposed to meet with Dalton to get out of this dress, along with the hair and makeup you wore, but he wasn’t exactly keen on making you stay here any longer than you needed to be. He’d scrape those damn mermaid scales off of you himself if he needed to.

There was a car waiting for you, but hadn’t been expecting your early arrival… however, with the instructions they had been given, they drove as soon as you both set foot into the car.

The ride was short, and when you walked through the doors of the apartment, Arbin had been the first to greet you, with lots of excitement, of course.

“Darling you were wonderful! Completely the-” he stopped on account of the tears freshly rolling down your cheeks. “Why so glum, dear?”

“Not now,” Finnick told him flatly, escorting you to your room immediately and shutting the door with a loud thud.

Arbin looked at Mags, sitting comfortably on the couch, concern written on her face.

“What on earth happened?”

It took you an hour to get everything off, and Finnick helped the best he could. He did his best to keep your modesty while also being forward enough to actually gain some ground. You’d been changed into that one nightdress from the night before you left, and your hair was let down, being settled over your shoulders as you mindlessly ran a brush through it.

Finnick hadn’t left your side, sitting now and trying to peel the mermaid scales from the corners of your eyes.

You winced at one in particular, and he stopped his movements.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, continuing his task until they all lay flat on the small hand towel he’d brought from the bathroom.

He stood up to dispose of them, and your eyes followed him and every step he took.

Now that you’d been attended to, he didn’t want to keep crowding your space. You may have sought comfort in his bed the night before, but now you were grieving the loss of someone who had been in love with you, and maybe he shouldn’t push his luck in overstaying his welcome.

“Let me know if you need anything,” he said, a soft smile on his face with his offer… but then he opened your door and you jumped from the edge of your bed to stand.

“Where are y-you going?”

He stopped in his tracks, facing you with an expression nearly dumbfounded. Did you want him to stay?

“I just… figured you needed some time.”

You shook your head, a new wave of tears filling your eyes at the thought of being alone in this room again, or in any room at all.

“I don’t w-want you to l-leave me,” you tried to keep your voice even, on account of the lump in your throat.

His heart melted, and he couldn’t refuse you, even if he tried. Especially not in your moment of need.

“I won’t leave you,” he closed the door and came before you, taking your hands in his and kissing the tops of each one like he’d done before you’d ever left. “As long as you need me, I’ll be here.”

You hugged him for what had to be the hundredth time by now, and stepped backwards a few times until you reached the edge of your bed, pulling him with you. You both got situated, without ever breaking the embrace, and he started to gently play with your hair.

A long enough period of time had passed that he felt you might have drifted off, but then you spoke up with a question he hated to hear.

“Do you think S-snow will be selling me s-soon?”

You shouldn’t have to think about it, you shouldn’t have to dwell on that fact. It shouldn’t be placed upon you to go into that life. You’re not even ready to face the life you used to have, much less step into a new one full of abuse and self loathing. He feared you wouldn’t survive it.

“I don’t know what his plans are…” he answered truthfully, although he knew for a fact that the capitol citizens were racking up their dollars and preparing to have you to themselves. “Whatever happens, I’m gonna be here, I won’t let you go through it alone.”

He wishes he could prevent you from going through it at all… but Snow had his ways of making things happen despite other’s best efforts to stop him. He was the President of the most powerful city in all of Panem. It didn’t make much sense to try and stop him and his acts of tyranny… but maybe he could play the cards a little differently.

An idea popped into his head, and he swore that he would beg on his hands and knees if he had to in order to make it happen.

��Thank you, F-finnick.”

He smiled, and kissed the top of your head, letting his lips linger at the front of your hairline a moment too long before tucking you under his chin.

“Get some rest, Mercy.”

tags(open): @thepassionatereader @i-voluntears @secretsicanthideanymore @mystargirl-interlude @c4ttheart @lilibrn @emma-andrea1 @marvelescvpe

#finnick imagine #finnick odair imagine #finnick odair thg #finnick odair #thg finnick #finnick x reader #finnick x you #finnick odair x reader #finnick odair x oc

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archiveikemen · 10 months

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Liam Evans Main Story: Chapter 24 (Blind Love)

I do not own any of the Ikemen Series content being uploaded on this blog, everything belongs to CYBIRD. Please support them by playing their games and buying stories. Not 100% accurate, expect mistakes.

read this before interacting with my posts

Liam caught the arm that was slowly losing the strength to raise his fist.

Liam: … There’s a secret I’ve been keeping from you for a very long time.

As they faced each other, Liam’s eyes that had never once shaken, trembled and he looked lost.

It was like he was trying to open a pandora’s box that had been sealed for a long time.

(... Liam?)

Liam: I…

Liam: I’m not your biological son.

(...!)

Max: W-What nonsense. There is no way—!

Liam: Mother was pregnant with me before she married you. My face looks exactly like my biological father’s.

Liam told the story of his birth.

His mother, Karen, was once deeply in love with a man.

However, he left her without as much as a second thought.

— It was only after she had been abandoned, she found out that she was pregnant with his child.

She then married Max while keeping her pregnancy a secret, and gave birth to Liam as his son.

Max: … Then why did Karen treat you as if you were non-existent?

Liam: Because my face reminded her of the man she once loved.

(So that means Liam and Max are unrelated?)

Removing the part about them being “blood related”, what was left was only their tragic past.

(In that case…)

Max: Then why did you willingly accept the abuse from someone unrelated to you by blood…!

(Abuse…)

A parent that had been disguising his deeds as “education” was so furious that he admitted that he was abusive.

Seeing his weak and selfish behaviour caused a dark feeling of rage to build up inside me at the pit of my stomach.

And yet, it was not my place to yell at or hit him.

(Because Liam isn’t angry at him.)

Liam was neither angry nor sad — he let out a laugh.

Liam: It was because… as a child, I loved you.

Liam: And I wanted someone… no, I wanted you to love me.

Liam allowed himself to be abused, simply because he wanted Max to love him. He smiled.

Hidden behind that smile was a painful past that could never be erased.

Max: I…

Max: Where… where on earth did I go wrong…?

Max: What mistakes did I make… what did I lack? What, what…?!

Max approached Liam in a state of panic, resembling a child throwing a tantrum.

And as if something snapped in him, he suddenly fell silent.

(...?)

His face was completely void of any emotions, willpower, and humanity.

Max: … Kill me.

Max: … I want you to kill me.

(... What?)

(...)

(What did he just say?)

Max: … I… I no longer have any reason to resent you. I no longer have a reason to stay alive.

I couldn't believe what I had heard.

(Is he asking Liam to kill him?)

(After all the pain and suffering he has caused him, now…)

My anger grew unbearable, my body was trembling with rage.

Kate: … You… are you trying to add on to Liam’s burdens…?

Liam: … Kate.

Kate: It’s true that Liam broke the form of your family. It’s also true that he killed people.

Kate: But what sins did Liam, as a newborn child, commit…?

(You’re not the only one.)

– Flashback Start –

Marie: … Why did he have to die and you’re still alive?

Marie: If it wasn’t for you back then, everything… everything would’ve been…!

…

(That person too.)

Liam: … That means, it’s my fault this happened to Kate?

Young Man with Piercings: Yes, that’s right. All of this, everything, is your fault. If it weren't for you…!

…

(Many, many, many other people too.)

— You are a sinner. Admit to your sins and wish for your own demise.

– Flashback End –

Liam: … Thank you for getting upset on my behalf, Kate. But it’s fine.

Kate: No, it’s not! I don’t want the guilt and burden you're carrying to get any bigger.

My eyes met with his rose coloured eyes.

The moment our eyes met, that was when it hit me.

(... Oh, I see it now.)

(Liam knew from the very beginning that something like this would happen.)

Max being deceived by a ruffian, his non-biological son telling him the truth, and choosing death in the end.

And the one to punish him for his sins was — himself.

Liam: But still, someone has to do this. That someone will be me.

— I wanted to stop Liam from killing his family member.

My heart was screaming at me to go stop him, but I knew that I didn't have the right to.

(This is a decision Liam made for himself.)

Liam took one of the daggers hanging from his belt and unsheathed it.

Even with the dagger pointing at his chest, Max didn’t flinch. He merely kept on starting emotionlessly at Liam.

(I can’t bring myself to watch. But…)

(I can’t look away.)

Liam: Father.

Max: …

Liam called out to him affectionately, like they had returned to their past.

Liam: Although we’re not biologically father and son, we’re still very alike.

Liam: We both chased after love that we never obtained…

Liam: It’s truly… miserable, stupid, and pitiful, don't you think?

Max: …

Liam forced a smile and took a deep breath.

Liam: — Goodbye, Father. Rest in peace.

He thrust the dagger right into Max’s heart.

Max instantly stopped breathing.

Liam was soaked by the dark red blood gushing out of the stab wound.

(...)

(Why?)

(Why is this world so cruel to Liam?)

For the rest of his life, he would be haunted by the painful memories of his past and this very moment.

(... There’s nothing I can do for him.)

There was no way I could get rid of his sorrows once and for all.

I couldn't erase his past that made him wish he were dead.

(But still…)

— I wanted to share his pain.

— I wanted to share the burden of his sins.

As I was on the verge of tears, a pitch darkness rose inside of me from my feet up.

That darkness spoke to me.

— You still have the chance to return to your original life, it’d be as if none of this ever happened.

— If you stay by this man’s side any longer, your hands will be stained as well.

(Stain my hands…?)

Liam sat on the floor in silence, stunned by the sight of his bloodied hands.

He was hurting alone, bearing the weight of his sin.

(... I know now. I know what I can do for him.)

My legs trembled as I walked towards Liam.

The darkness fully consumed me.

(I’m scared. I feel as if I’m losing myself.)

(But I can’t leave him alone.)

I approached Max, who laid bleeding out on the floor. I wrapped my hands around the dagger in his chest.

(...)

With trembling hands, I thrust the dagger deeper into his heart.

Liam: … Kate…?

Liam: … What are you doing?!

Ignoring his attempts to stop me, I thrust the dagger even deeper.

My hands were dyed the same colour as Liam’s.

Liam: Ah… ah…

Liam kept wiping my hands with his shirt, trying to clean the blood off them.

Liam: Kate… you did nothing wrong. I’m the evil one. I’m the one who did something wrong.

Liam: … You're not evil.

Liam: I don’t want you to dirty your hands. Therefore, therefore…

I wrapped my bloodied hands around his.

Liam: … Kate?

Kate: I have a part to play in this. Please allow me to share the burden of this sin.

Liam: … Wh… why?

Liam: Why?!

Kate: Because I don’t want to leave you alone. Can you forgive me for being selfish?

Liam: …

Liam: — Just how far are you willing to go for me?

We stayed still, holding each other's bloodied hands.

Silence, like a calm sea, hung between us.

Liam sighed, as if he had accepted my actions.

Liam: … Listen.

Liam: When I hurt others and myself, it’s because we’re human.

Liam: People fail, hurt others, get hurt, and then the cycle repeats. And yet, they still foolishly cling onto those who've caused them sufferings.

Liam: I wanted to die, but not alone. I wanted to be with someone, anyone… I wanted to be loved, even just a little.

Liam: But I eventually grew sick and tired of that way of life. It felt as if my life was slowly draining away.

Liam: Therefore, on the night I wanted to jump to my death, I thought to myself…

Liam: “Ahh, I can finally put an end to this”.

Liam: No more drowning in despair, no more begging to be loved. Everything, everything would end right there.

Liam: So I closed my eyes and spread my arms wide open, letting myself fall into the darkness of the night.

Liam blinked, and a single teardrop rolled down his cheek like the first snow on a silent night.

Liam: And the next moment, when I opened my eyes— there you were.

Kate: …

Liam: Why… why were you still right there before my eyes?

Liam: Why…

Liam: Why did you… save me…?

His crystal clear tears fell into the blood of bright red blood.

Instead of drying his tears, I pulled him into a tight embrace.

Liam: …— rry… — orry.

Liam: I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I'm sorry for being a failure, I’m sorry for not dying…

Liam: I… I want to live…

Liam: I’m sorry… for wanting to live in the end… I’m sorry…

Liam: Ue… ue… uwaaaaahhhh!

Liam continued sobbing uncontrollably, like those were the tears he had been holding in his whole life.

And so I held him tight, never letting go.

As if I were holding in my arms a star that was about to fade away.

As if I were anchoring this kind person to this cruel world.

…

The next day, “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” took England by storm.

Word was getting around about how magnificent the play was, Liam’s outstanding performance, and the existence of “Golden Butterfly”.

William smiled as he looked at the newspaper and magazine articles.

The world will never be free from evil. That’s why Crown exists.

And on the day after “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” had it’s successful show, it had been exactly one month after I promised to be a fairytale writer.

…

The keys on the typewriter clicked and clacked with every movement of my fingers.

I wrote about all the memories I had made in the past month.

Those memories began from the day he first gave me a bouquet of modern roses.

– Flashback Start –

Liam: What do you think about observing only me for the next one month and writing about me in your report?

Kate: Write about you…?

Liam: That’s right. Not about Crown, but about me as a person. It’s because the finest stories are the ones with the best main character.

Liam: I’m confident that I can satisfy and charm you. I’ll shine even brighter just for you.

– Flashback End –

We had so many fun times together that were filled with joy — but the story didn't end there.

The person in front of me was charming, yet somewhat melancholic.

Right when I was about to type the final period, my hands stopped.

(I’ve always wanted my story to help others feel less afraid of what tomorrow would bring them.)

That sentiment grew stronger after meeting Liam, it never changed.

But before I could protect “anyone's” tomorrow, I failed to protect the tomorrow of the one person who was dearest to me.

(Therefore, I—)

Holding the incomplete report in my hand, I stood up from my desk and headed for Victor’s office where I could find what completed it.

…

Kate: — Well then, if you'll excuse me.

I closed the door behind me and stretched my arms, my shoulder joints making a popping noise.

(My shoulders are so tense. Perhaps I’m nervous, because that’s always the case whenever I have to make a decision…)

(I should go see Liam and talk to him about what he wants to do after this, and—)

Liam: Kate…!

Kate: Liam?

I couldn't hold in my laughter when I saw the very person I was thinking about.

Kate: Fufu, you surprised me there. I was just thinking about you—

Liam: *pant*, *pant*...

I was about to talk to him more, but I noticed something was unusual about him.

(This is the first time I’m seeing Liam this anxious. Did something happen…?)

Kate: W-What’s the matter? Is someone hurt? Or…

Liam: Kate… I don't… I don’t like…

(Huh—?)

#ikemen villains #ikemen series #cybird ikemen #cybird otome #otome #ikevil main story #liam main story #niki translates

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kaisacobra · 3 months

Note

I’ll be sending you the invoice for the therapy session I’ll be needing after reading “Second Best”, I should’ve stayed curious😔. KIDDING, I fucking loved it and can’t wait for the emotional turmoil you’ll be putting all of us through in part two!

I vote on R being alive, you said you weren’t sure if you’d kill her off for the angst but I think having to grieve somebody who’s still alive in this particular story would be very interesting. If she dies, no doubt in my mind that R would forever infest Tara’s every waking moment but I don’t want her to die sad. It’s not even that I want a happy ending for Tara, I want a happy ending for R, whether or not that’s with Tara(if it’s with Tara she has A LOT of groveling to do).

When it comes to situations like this, one of the things I think that levels the playing field is if R says something hurtful (maybe more hurtful cause what I wrote down below, R is just spitting FACTS). I already know nothing she can say would ever be as hurtful as what Tara said but something along the lines of.

Tara: Alright my bad, can we just forget it ever happened?

R: Why should we? So you can do it again next week?

Tara: Y/N please… -

R: No I’m sick of this! You know what your fucking problem is? I’m the only person who’s never left you, who’s always been there for you! But you’re the most selfish and self-serving person I know and you’re so fucking used to being abandoned that you actually think I’m obsessed! I mean you care more about your dead ex who tried to murder us- more than you care about me, and it’s made me realize that just means you don’t care about me. You never have. You’re more trouble then you’re worth Tara, I think-… I know I’d be a lot happier if I never hear from you again.

You said you weren’t sure if you’d follow the plot of the Scream movies, whether or not you do. I think Quinn getting close to R would hurt Tara. After the first chapter I do believe R wouldn’t really be around the group much, because subconsciously she’ll still value Tara’s comfort over her own and want them to be there for Tara instead of her. So that would leave R in a vulnerable position and make it incredibly easy for Quinn to befriend R, all it would take is R seeing her do things for her that Tara wouldn’t do. Since Quinn is Tara’s roommate and they hangout in the same friend group I think having to see that in person would not only make Tara jealous but really magnify her neglectful and harsh treatment of R. ESPECIALLY if Quinn is still a murderer in the next chapter because then Tara would undoubtedly blame herself for R’s death near experience, because she’d be the reason that all it took was someone doing the bare minimum (I’d want Quinn to do more than just the bare minimum for revenge jealousy but that’s just me) to get R to trust them.

Your writing is really good so at the end of the day I’ll be happy with anything! Thank you for sharing your work with us and I hope you have a wonderful day, you deserve it babe.

First of all, I really appreciate the words and i absolutely LOVE your thoughts on it. Seriously, you wrote them so well, i honestly think you could also write some great stories someday if that's something you would want to do. (If you do, please tell me because I'll be eagerly reading it🤭)

I'm trying my best to keep things mysterious so the stuff you read on part 2 can still be surprising BUT you make some great points and I wouldn't be shocked if some of those things actually end up happening, but who knows🤫

Thank U so much for sharing your thoughts and i also hope you have a wonderful day (or night, yk, timezones)

#✦: 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑠𝑘𝑠

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tristayranambrosio · 5 months

Text

Expectation - Selfish (DWC Day 6)

I feel the tension every day… Sing the songs… I smile until the pull on my face makes it strained and painful to hold the mask on. Inside I feel my still shattered heart writhe and squeeze with the effort it takes to keep me alive, to keep me going. I am screaming silently and it makes my voice wobble, but I sing anyway… until my lungs rebel and my throat is raw. No one hears me… Tears stream down my face but I smile… I act… I have their expectations… I am their darling happy bard. I could not possibly feel alone when so many want to warm my bed, there is nothing I could want for, it would be selfish of me to have asked for more than what I already have… I weep in between the bars I’ve built for myself on music staff, but nothing sounds right… its all wrong, all I play the strings, the keys, the notes they’re all a discourse and tuneless broken melody that rips my throat like razors on their way out… it hurts… I play until my fingers blister, split then blister again… I want to break down, I want to scream but I remain this prisoner in their Expectations. Selfish… To want the burden lighter, to feel the loss and grieve the death of a home… a world where I did not live alone with the weight of it all. I hold them… I live as their fantasy, their joyful beaming ray of sunshine that has never known the barbs of heartache because his heart is so large it can host each of their sorrows for them, I can carry more still. My body is an escape, I’ve built it that way, made it into a play thing that can operate without my input, and be a well to fill with their pain and their regrets… a means to forget. Its easy for me… moreover it is what they expect. But I’m Selfish. I am a temporary visit, never someone’s destination, when I grow tiresome… when I dare to ask… to beg for understanding, plea for someone to comfort me… I become useless, worthless, my value vanishes like they do given enough time. I let them… I do not fight to keep them… That would be selfish. I’m broken strings… of key scores and shattered symphonies… I am torn up staff and untuned instruments, and yet I try… for them… they need me… don’t they? I ask in vain for a moment which is better, if they knew the torment it was to play their favorite songs and hear only the tattered vestiges of my once talented echoes… or that my efforts remain the selfless ones of a man doomed to face this yawning ache alone. I live each day with broken glass in my throat and golden lute strings cutting dangled lines into my insides. Sing… they expect it. Play… they expect it. Smile… they expect it. Perform… they expect it… Lie. Otherwise… you’re being selfish for wanting to feel. I’ve never blamed them… to expect their kindness and open hands is a foolish selfish thing, I don’t deserve it… The best I can offer is to be their smiling dancing bard… a fantasy that doesn’t hurt that doesn’t stop thinking… that doesn’t feel anything but grateful for their coming to him to idle their sorrows and their burdens away… to assure them they are beautiful, to promise them they are loved. Because it was Selfish of me to hope someone could love the boy behind the bard… selfish of me to need more than the reminder of their need to unburden their hurts by using me. I shake… the smile hurts my jaw I hold it so tightly on my features… and I play a song that sounds like the sleepless nights I live perpetually… and for a moment my guard must have slipped… because I hear him say, ”I prefer the sad songs… you are more honest with them…Real” My mask cracked… but his voice was music… and it carried no expectation.

(I'm not gonna lie. This one was the story I was dreading to write. I very rarely let him have a multifaceted existence, my Happy-go-lucky bard is made to make people feel good, to smile and to enjoy him, to feel BETTER for having interacted with the dope... but you don't come to yearn to bring that out in others without aching for it yourself. When ever he came close for years he was met with these feelings confronted with those who just made things hurt more and worse made him feel selfish for hoping there could be something more than shallow stolen moments for him. Luckily for me, there are those out there that taught him its not selfish to want someone to love him for who he is, at his lowest... and at his highest. After making mistakes... after saying something wrong and atoning or apologizing. Its. Not. Selfish. To want to be loved even when you aren't perfect.) @daily-writing-challenge

#roleplay #moon guard #world of warcraft #wow oc #short story #bard #trist'ayran #original character #feelings #sad thoughts #hope #novemberday62023

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aajjks · 20 days

Note

umm didn’t you guys want them together? he knew she was crazy from the beginning, let jungkook have his “happy ending” 😭😭

reward!jungkook

“you’re fuckin crazy” jungkook says to you before heading upstairs. your breathing becomes uneven as you process the hurtful words jungkook growls at you. he’s looking at you like he hates you and normally you’re able to stomach his harsh words but not this time.

when he comes back downstairs with his shirt and shoes on, you try to talk to jungkook but he cuts your embrace short by showing his obvious distaste towards both you and jorja.

“i won’t let you die without me, jungkook! i’ll find you in the afterlife and fuck your soul over if that’s what i have to do. what’s your deal with her, huh? was she a game to you? i want the truth!! what’s got you so hung up on her, huh? what kind of coward kills himself for being a willing participant in her demise?” you bite your lip before asking the painful question. “do you love syelle, jungkook? are you…are you in love with her? because you aren’t making any sense right now. you ACTIVELY didn’t give a fuck about her and now you’re talking about harming yourself, so what is it? you love her because it’s becoming more obvious that you were IN LOVE with her”

jorja can’t even bring herself to say anything. she just watches you try to talk to jungkook and understand his feelings about his dead wife that he seemingly cares a lot about or maybe it’s just the guilt. he feels guilty, so to atone for his constant infidelity and lies, jungkook must pay for it by taking how own life or maybe it’s his fucked up way of love.

He keeps on glaring at you and your stupid questions.

You have no right to feel this way and of course he’s gonna be sad because his wife died-because of his infidelity recorded and sent it to her. “Yn grow up.” He grits his teeth.

“you’re a selfish bitch you know that.” He looks away from your face, “of course I’m fucking sad she was my wife.” He doesn’t understand why you can’t see the fact that he’s upset because of his bond with her..

The bond he didn’t respect enough to not cheat on her again.

“it’s so easy for you to say that she’s dead-there’s no remorse. She’s dead because of you.” And that is the fact because you had the audacity of sending a video that you knew was gonna hurt her. “she was just 24…. 24 YEARS OLD. YOUNGER THAN YOU AND YOUNGER THAN ME.”

“how dare you record me without my consent? Are you that sick in the head?”

Tears well up in his eyes again. “get this through your stupid brain because you failed to understand such a basic thing. I NEVER WANTED HER DEAD YN.” He grabs you by your shoulders once again, and shakes you harshly. “why the fuck did you come by the cinema anyways? What did you say to her in the bathroom? WHY THE FUCK DID I COME HERE THINKING THAT YOU WERE GOING TO UNDERSTAND?!”

This is his mistake too because he can never resist you, but only if he had his wife would still be alive right now

“I never wanted her dead-and now she’s dead because of me and I have to live this guilt forever… what makes you think that we can be together? Just because she’s dead?” He scoffs.

Are you even human with a heart at this point? “I am not a toy.. YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KILL ME.”

It’s about time he tells you the truth.

“there’s a huge difference between you and her, and there will always be the difference yn,” his eyes borrow into yours. “her love wasn’t selfish just because you liked me. You spared me. So that means when you’re tired of me you’re going to kill me.”

“you could never love me like her. She genuinely loved me and I failed to see it.”

Maybe jungkook is in love with her, but if he is then why did he allow himself to disrespect his marriage vows last night yet again?

“you and I have no future together. An innocent girl is dead because of me. This is why I want to kill myself. And you,” he turns to look at your friend.

He hates you so much right now, but he hates himself more.

“I’m going to tell your boyfriend all about this- and keep yn away from me. I’m leaving..”

“remember one thing yn… didn’t you say to her that once a cheater always a cheater? That means if I can cheat on her with you-I can cheat on you with someone else. SO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.”

He is a destructive man and you’re next.

#ask: reward!jungkook #I know I know but I just didn’t expect her to die and it feels really heavy you know #He is obviously going to feel guilty because of him she’s dead you know #Let’s see what yn does now

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shooting-stars-are-cosmic-tears · 2 months

Text

To the one girl I can't forgive,

I am six years old

and I’m walking an empty baby stroller

and I’m having so much fun

that I’ve forgotten time exists.

I’ve made you worry.

So you hit me.

I’ve made you cry.

I am sorry.

It’s not enough.

I am nine years old

and your mom has died.

we are looking at her for the last time.

you look towards me, teary-eyed

and say, “are you really not going to cry?”

and you smile, sad, disappointed

and I am sorry

and It’s not enough.

I am eleven years old.

I’m the class fool, and

I have no actual friends, and

school is hard, and

everything is so heavy, and

I don’t feel like being alive anymore.

So you hit me.

I’ve made you cry again.

I’m sorry.

It’s not enough,

not enough to be sorry for making you cry;

I must never again talk to you like this

like I want to die.

I am thirteen years old

and I’m getting worse

at pretending I don’t want to die.

my brain is mouldy with too much sleep, and

my grades are slipping, and

I ‘don’t talk to you like I did before’

like I did when I didn’t want to die.

I get scolded at the parent-teacher meeting,

and I embarrass you.

and I am sorry.

It’s not enough.

It’s not enough to feel bad for both you and myself.

I must stop being so selfish, and I

must stop being so lazy, and I

must get good grades again, and I

must never embarrass you like that again, and I

must stop pretending like I have it worse than you do.

I can never have it worse than you do.

I’ve made you cry.

I don’t have it in me to be sorry anymore.

I am sixteen years old

and I’m getting better.

I have good friends now,

and they drag me out of the house,

and we go to the woods and talk about how

we all want to kill ourselves,

and we’re getting better.

but I haven’t done the dishes,

and dad is drunk for the twelfth night in a row,

and you feel like screaming,

but I won't hear any of it.

I’ve made you cry.

i’m still not whole enough to feel sorry for someone else

I am nineteen years old.

we’re having easter dinner,

and you finally acknowledge what I had as depression.

though you still think it was selfish of me,

to be depressed when you gave me such a good life.

but i’ve already moved to the big city,

and dad’s still drunk, but away with work,

and you’re so hopelessly alone

that you let yourself forgive me

for being so selfish and getting sick in the head.

you tell me you always knew it was depression

since you know me so well.

you tell me how happy it makes you

to know I’m back to being normal again.

it makes my blood boil, but I say nothing of it,

i’ve learned that with you it’s better

to pretend that I’m readable,

to pretend that you’re right,

so you have nothing to cry about,

and nothing to hit me over,

and I have nothing to say sorry for.

I am twenty-one years old,

and I’m telling you a story

about how i sleep too much again,

so much and so deep,

that I keep pressing the snooze button in my sleep

and I have my roommate wake me up sometimes.

and you look at me for one second

then back to the TV and say,

“You’re such a bitch, annoying your roommate like that on purpose”

and I’m thirteen again,

feeling sorry that my pain made you cry.

Only I’m grown now, so I try again

to tell you a story

and you snap back at me,

can’t I see you’re watching the news?!

I really am such a bitch!

how can I expect you to do two things at once?!

so I stop talking,

and you stop watching the tv,

and I want to go to my room,

and as I leave your eyes beg me to stay

because it’s the last hour of your birthday,

and dad still hasn’t called yet.

but I don’t want to be thirteen again,

and he’s made you cry

I mean, I’m making you cry,

and even if you refuse to see it,

I’m still too broken to feel sorry for you.

But sorry will never be good enough for you

and neither will I.

#happy mothers day i guess #mother daughter angst #poetry #bit of a vent #broken girls raise broken girls #is this what they mean by character development?

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ihatesinners · 1 year

Text

𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐋 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 // 𝐒𝐀𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐍

You were sitting outside the cabin late at night.

It was past 11:30 when you first walked through the back door and seated yourself on the porch, swinging your legs.

You couldn’t sleep at all the past week.

Everything had seemed to move in a blur, the days mixing together more than they should’ve.

You felt like time was going too fast.

Every single day seemed to be the same, nothing new seemed to change and it was killing you.

You just wanted to rest, for once.

Taking a deep breath, you looked up at the star-filled sky, watching as the moonlight filtered over the vast view of the green trees.

Nature seemed to be the only thing keeping you alive, at the moment.

That and the endless support from Saeran.

His love seemed to keep you above water, when you were drowning he was there to help you swim.

He kept you from going towards the darkness.

He was the light you never knew you needed, his soul so pure that it could touch anything and fix it completely.

He was what made your heart so full.

You wanted to keep it that way for eternity, but you knew you couldn’t always have it.

Sometimes the darkness became too much.

You didn’t want to be the weight that kept you both down, that kept you both from floating above the water.

You wanted him to be set free, that was all he needed out of life.

To be untied and set free from the chains of reality.

“My angel?” His voice had sent shivers down your spine, his touch lighting up your stomach with fireworks.

It was only him who could make you feel this way.

“What are you doing out here alone? Aren’t you cold?” He had draped his jacket over your shoulders.

You hadn’t noticed you were shaking.

You didn’t think it’d be this cold out, but you figured it was also your anxiety making you feel like this.

The knots in your stomach, or even the pounding of your head.

It always got this way.

“I wish I was enough sometimes.” You hadn’t meant to speak your words into existence, but he had heard them all the same.

“What do you mean? Of course you’re enough, you’ve always been enough, my love.”

He had set his hand over yours.

His touch was warm, a different feeling than what you were used to.

His presence always made you calm.

“No. Sometimes I am not, sometimes…I just want to not exist. To just float in an endless abyss and never have to feel like this.

“Unworthy, selfish. I’m selfish sometimes, I just want you all to myself. But you're too pure for me. Too pure for my mind.” You shake your head.

He knew you always doubted yourself, from the very first moment he met you.

He knew you never truly believed you were okay.

“If anything, you’re too pure for me. Your love…makes my soul feel safe. Your touch is like heaven upon my tainted hands.

“You accepted me for who I was, my past and my family. You made me see the world from a different point of view.

“I could never truly thank you for helping me breathe, for helping me over the waters of life. You kept me afloat when I wanted to drown.”

You looked at him, watching his eyes glaze over with unshed tears.

Tears of sadness and pain.

He wished you could see yourself the way that he saw you, a fallen angel sent from above to protect him.

To cherish him, even when he’s done wrong.

To protect him from his own darkness, even if you carry your own burdens.

He wished to carry the weight on your shoulders.

To help you see above your own waters of darkness, to help you look towards the surface rather than in the pits below.

“My angel, my goddess. You are my fate, the one person I am destined to be with forever. Whenever I look at you, I see my future.

“I see the light that I’ve always had trouble picturing. Even if you do not see it yourself, I will be here.

“I will help you see your worth, even if I have to keep reminding you until the end of time. Even if you push me away, I will be here.

“Because you have changed me for the better. You have made me see how special and precious this life is.

“I only want and need you, my love. When I am without you, I am alone. You are my soulmate, my other half.

“Together we help each other learn and grow, together we are one. And I will help you see that.”

All you could do was stare.

He was the light you needed in this world, the anchor that kept you grounded, the angel that protected over you.

His touch made you shiver, his words made your heart ache.

He truly was a blessing in disguise.

He would love you for all of your ugly, he would love you until the end of time.

In whatever universe you stumbled in.

In the end it would always be you both, no matter what came between you guys.

And maybe that was okay.

Maybe you could finally break free from the chains that surrounded you, the darkness that circled your heart.

Maybe you could finally be happy.

Even if it took a thousand years, you would be okay with that.

As long as Saeran was by your side.

#saeranmysticmessenger #saeran x mc #saeran choi #mm saeran #mystic messenger #mystic messeger headcanon

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humiliationsheets · 6 months

Note

who is your favorite bmc character and why? (please infodump at least several paragraphs tyvm /nf)

contrary to my username (which i only keep as a relic of early 2020 when times were easier and also because my usual one was snatched in 2018), i am a huge huge huge jeremy heere kin. like absolutely huge. he is me and i am him and i had a years-long delusion in which i genuinely believed i was him so he is obviously very special to me 😭 i even named myself after him so!! big jeremy fan over h(e)ere lmao!!

how i see him is based on troy iwata’s portrayal simply because he’s my favorite jeremy and i think he plays the character absolutely perfectly, but he is also combined with wrol and wcon in a lot of aspects because i adore their portrayals as well :-) so this post is gonna be based off my headcanons and development of jeremy over the course of four (nearly five) years, if you’re invested in 1000% concrete canon perception of characters and you hate when characters aren’t 1000% accurate to the source material (i try my best to keep him canon! just some people may think he’s not accurate enough which is fine /gen) then… please scroll away and don’t criticize me because he’s the loml LMAO

this is a big post so. continued under the cut !!

so first off, jeremy is just such an interesting character. he’s a pessimistic hopeless romantic, he’s sarcastic, he’s naïve and trusts so easily (see how he immediately trusts the squip, for example, as well as believing rich’s offer in the bathroom and giving him the benefit of the doubt), he’s gross and sometimes mean (unless if he’s talking to a girl, in which he’s the softest person alive), he’s funny, and he’s such a teenage boy and i just. wanna kiss him on his stupid freckled face. what i like about him is that he’s so fun. he can be whatever you want him to be and nearly every time, it makes total sense.

what i also love is just how relatable he is. it is also so insanely important to me to have an autistic coded character like jeremy represented in media. he acts just like me, an autistic person, from his stims to his mannerisms and all, and i think that’s why i was so set on believing we were the same person for SO LONG. (not to mention troy!jeremy is just. so pissed at the world from the get-go, just like me 😭, as opposed to wrol!jeremy’s sadness slowly growing into bitterness and spite. angry transmasc representation + bpd jeremy foreverrr /hj)

to continue, he’s an example of how good people can do bad things and still learn from their mistakes. in my opinion, jeremy is not at all a bad person for what he did. yes, he was a jerk, and yes, he was selfish, but LET THE BOY BE SELFISH. he’s earned it!!! he’s just a seventeen year old boy and he’s Really Going Through It. i mean, his dad is practically neglecting him, his mom has entirely abandoned his family, he gets bullied at school constantly and goes unnoticed by everyone he’s interested in, and his best and only friend is dismissive of his problems and feelings. i’m writing a post-squip fic currently (which i am SO excited to share), and some jeremy dialogue i wrote down is the following: “I wanted it all to stop so badly, I would’ve done anything. So I did anything.” he would’ve done whatever it takes to have a better life y’all. to stop being so angry and miserable all the time and to stop hating himself. the squip was his only way out and i absolutely respect him for deciding to take it. i understand hating being alive so much that all one can do is search for a way out of it. i do not, however, agree with him abandoning michael and turning into a huge jerk that nearly took over the world, but he was manipulated into believing everything he did was the right choice. i can’t stay mad at him because it wasn’t his fault. nobody blames rich for what he did squipped, so why is it fair to blame jeremy? they were both manipulated into the terrible things they did, and if some people continue to blame jeremy… oh sweetie i hope someone enlightens you soon.

IN CONCLUSION. jeremy is just a super complex and interesting protagonist who so many can relate to. i love how he can be whatever you want him to be and i love his personality, his flaws and tics and all. i don’t think he’s a terrible person like so many do, he’s just a kid who made mistakes and was manipulated and misguided. he’s absolutely just like me fr and i’m just <33 he has my heart forever and ever. i could go on for years and years about him (and i have) but i’m sparing your time. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS SHITSHOW I LOVE YOU

#thank you for asking !!#be more chill #jeremy heere #remy’s rambles

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dreamingsushi · 9 months

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Eternal Love - Episode 33

I know, from already having watched the series and read the book that some very unpleasant events are coming. Don’t worry, nothing as painful as when Bai Qian was a poor human stuck in her palace, waiting to give birth to her baby. But still, it makes my blood boil just to think about it. So I’ll try to remain nice, but I don’t make any promises that I will.

Bai Qian fell asleep and when she wakes up, Ali is nowhere to be found. Fortunately, she had the bronze mirror and could see where Ali was... which was in a brothel. He followed a girl in there because a guy forced her in and he wanted to save her. Bai Qian tells him that he has to keep this adventure a secret between the two of them, not let his dad know. Yehua comes just back in time to save Bai Qian that is being harassed by a man. She brushes the incident as something unimportant, he just touched her a little. So he kisses her just a little, that’s fine then right? Then he goes back for the Emperor’s birthday while Bai Qian takes Ali back to Qing Qiu.

Even though I knew what was coming, I’m still so disgusted by Sujin. So her plan was to trick Yuanzhen, the second prince’s son, to her room. There she makes him unconscious and forces him to drink a whole lot of alcohol. She sends her maid asking for help because she’s going to pretend hang herself following being sexually abused by Yuanzhen. Who’s like a teenager, barely. I know I know, they are old and all in terms of years, but he’s still a kid. Like how could you do this to a child? People selfish like Sujin should be banned from existing seriously. I can’t fathom how can one destroy anybody’s life for their own little games. That’s not working hard to earn what you want. You don’t deserve anything. Ugly wench!

Yehua and his uncles are going to his palace where the Emperor is already dealing with the situation. I love how Yehua is just rolling his eyes at Sujin. He’s definitely like: I know you’re full of shit. Why do I still have to deal with you? She’s like please, let me die, please. I wish Yehua could just say alright, go hang yourself, good riddance. Unfortunately, the Emperor won’t let that happen, he likes Sujin too much and trusts her too much. That old dude is always in the way. Poor Yuanzhen, he tries to state the truth, but the Emperor won’t believe him. Of course. He doesn’t know to what lengths Sujin may go to “get” what she wants. So he gets sent to the mortal world to go through a 60 year long trial. The logic of the Emperor “You, his father, left with a woman and I never thought you would do something like that! No wonder your son did something so bad!” That guy... How did he even become the Emperor to begin with? So dumb.

Yehua warns her that next time she does shit like this, he won’t let it slide. The only reason she’s still alive right now is because she has Susu’s eyes in her eye orbits. When she dies, Susu’s eyes die with her. You see how worthless she is to him? And she made herself even more worthless. There you go, your stupid plan worked to perfection, right?

Since as Susu she never had any good memory in the palace, Yehua wants to start over with Bai Qian and have her fall for him. It’s alright she forgot.

More of Donghua and Fengjiu’s love story in the mortal realm. Very boring.

And that is all for today. I’m sorry if I offended any Sujin fan here, but she has no excuse for her behaviour except selfishness unlike other dislikable characters (for example Meng Yao in the Untamed who was an awful person, but I could still pity him for his sad sad sad life). Sujin’s only life problem is that her parents died. She was raised like a princess, sister of the Crown Prince. We can’t say she really has anything to be bitter about. I’m not trying to say that losing your parents is nothing, it’s hard at whatever age you are. But she had a happy life and only her own desires are guiding her.

#eternal love #yang mi #zhao youting #dilraba dilmurat #gao weiguang #xuanhuan #xuanhuan drama #costume drama #c-drama #cdrama #chinese drama #drama recap #drama reaction #drama review

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emo-floof-child-writes · 2 years

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Day 026: Condemned.

Featuring Lucas Sinclair and Max Mayfield.

Dustin Henderson, El Hopper, and Erica Sinclair mentioned.

802 words and no thoughts, only Lumax :D

“Hey, Max, you hungry? I found these in one of the cupboards.” Lucas offers a granola bar and an apple juice box out to Max, who chuckles. “How thoughtful, Stalker.” She jokes, taking the snacks and smiling. Lucas grins, sitting down next to her. “Well, there is only so much I can do to help right now.” He says, gesturing around the RV and she opens the wrapper for the granola bar. “You are helping just by being here, Lucas.” She grabs his hand, and he swallows. “I’m not sure I would have gotten this far without you by my side.” Lucas shrugs. “Of course, Max. I wouldn't leave you for the world. Anything to make sure you’re safe.” And she knows he means that fully. “I know, which makes this so much harder.” She says, rubbing her arm. “It’s just not my first priority.” He frowns. “What isn’t?” She swallows. She avoids his gaze, looking out the window behind them. “Surely, you don’t mean surviving? You gotta survive, Max!” He says, grabbing her shoulders, and giving her a gentle shake. “Well, if the world keeps spinning because I die, I think I’m okay with dying.” Lucas scoffs, and wraps her in a hug.

“And if you are my world, Max?” He asks, and she bites her lip. “I’m not saying I want to go. But even Billy was willing to die to save the world. It would be selfish to want to live if I could save the world and all of you guys.” He rubs her back, and she rests her head on his shoulder. “After all of the things you have dealt with, I feel like you deserve some selfishness.” She looks up at him, and he smiles. “I’ll do my best to stay alive, okay?” Lucas nods, as he brushes a stray hair from her braid behind her ear. “Promise me you’ll fight and you’ll survive, okay? Can you do that?” Max sighs. She wasn’t even sure her plan to avoid Vecna would work, but she couldn’t bear to see Lucas sad. She chuckles, trying to go for confidence. “Promise. I’ll go to my happy place, and he won’t hurt me.” He pulls her into another hug. “I’m gonna hold you to that, Mad Max.” He says, as he pulls away. She gives him a salute. “Don’t worry, Stalker. You won’t lose me easily.” They both grin. She closes her eyes, laying against Lucas. He shifts his arm to balance her, and her headphones slip down.

She opens her mouth to comment about that, but Lucas is already grabbing them, and adjusting them onto her head. “I’m gonna try to get some rest.” She says, and he nods. “I’ll make sure Dustin and Erica keep their traps shut so you can sleep.” He says, as he stands. He sets her down on the seat, and drapes a blanket that was hanging over the back of the seat over her. He tucks in the sides, and opens her eyes for a moment to see Lucas walk up to Dustin and Erica, and points back to Max. She watches him wave his finger in a way that reminds her of Steve scolding them. Dustin nods, as Lucas gestures for quiet. Erica rolls her eyes, but she makes eye contact with Max, and she swallows. She turns to look out the window, and says nothing more. Lucas walks back, and sits at her feet. “They aren’t gonna make noise. Let me know if you need anything. I’ll be right here, okay?” Max gives him a thumbs up, and presses her face into the seat. If there were even two people as thoughtful as Lucas in the world, the world might not be such a sh!thole. She thinks, cracking a smile. Not that she would ever say that to his face. It might go to his moronic head. She reaches a hand down, finding the top of his head, and she runs her fingers through his hair.

She can hear him chuckle, although he says nothing. Even if she was the one to break up with him, she really wished she didn’t. It was the right call, because she needed to work on herself, but she missed him so much. When we get out of this, I’m gonna have to ask him out again. And get used to going to his basketball games, I guess. I should learn the rules so I’m not completely in the dark. She sighs, as Running Up That Hill plays faintly in her headphones. I have to survive for his sake. For El, for Dustin, for everyone. But if not for anything or anyone else, I have to make it for Lucas. After all, I made him a promise. And this party takes its promises seriously.

#Writember2022 #day 026 #September 26th #fanfic #fanfiction

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letters-into-the-endless-void · 2 years

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(!!) Letters to Fabi Alonso #23

August 23, 2022

Hi Fabi! I hope you’re happy and doing well. That’s a threat, by the way.

I don’t know your current state. I don’t know if you’re still being bothered by other things. But how do you feel when you think of me?

I won’t accept anything other than pure bliss and contentment in the fact that you cut me off. You’d better be happy with your decision, confident, and know that you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Because if you have one bit of regret in you, if you miss me in any fucking way, but you chose that misery, I will haunt you for the rest of my life.

I’m okay if my sadness means you’re happy. I’m okay with that, because I love you, and this is my problem. It’s my consequence to deal with, albeit out of my control. But if you’re not happy, and my nearly 2 months of suffering has been worth absolutely nothing, than you, Fabi, are evil.

For some reason, possessed by some need, I read through one of our conversations today. An earlier one, from November. By then, I had already loved you. You already meant everything to me. We were talking about feitian, and then it somehow went to bai qi and han xin, because I was an idiot, and mistook li bai from the wangzhe xinbai ship for bai qi. I scrolled, and I felt so suffocated, like I couldn’t breathe, but I smiled and laughed, and it was the most genuine smile I’ve made since early July. The giddiness and feeling of “I’m the luckiest person in the world” was there, and so real, as I looked at how happy I once was, and still could be when I looked back.

But the more I smiled and giggled, the tighter the feeling in my chest got.

It’s the first time, I think, that I was able to look at our past conversations and derive joy from it. It’s not only a bad memory anymore. But the more I think of you and laugh, the more I want to cry.

Is that closure? Is this what closure means? I don’t know.

Subconsciously I’ve started calling you my ex, even though we didn’t have that kind of relationship. I think it’s just easier. “My ex online friend that I loved more than anything in the world and dedicated my life around and also we called each other soulmates” is so long.

Oh, right, and I realized we were actually together for 10 months, not 8. I think that I once mistook there to be 10 months in an year and counted 8 months between august and june, and just rolled with it. But no, it’s 10, huh. Almost an year.

I had always thought I’d figure something out for our “first anniversary”, as in first day of watching jimi. Anniversary of our discord.

Hey, in the past conversations, you said that, the next show we would watch together, would be shuangbi. That’s a promise, okay? Even if shuangbi never comes out. Even if I have to haunt you down in the afterlife to watch it with you.

Damn, I hope you’re alive and fine.

I’m in a really petty and self-confident state right now, and here’s my decree:

I’m going to keep writing these letters. And you know what, I will never stop trying to reach you either. If you want me to stop, you come to my face and tell me to stop. If you keep ignoring me, I’ll just keep trying. If you never see anything I try to show you, I’ll keep trying.

Come, Fabi, and tell me you’re happy. Let me know you’re alive, and good, and happy, and have no regrets. Until I know that you’re living your damn best life, I will haunt you like a ghost, no matter how much you may hate it.

I’ll respect your boundaries when you set them. You never told me to stop talking to you. You said You wouldn’t talk to Me.

I’m rude, I’m selfish, and I’m basically throwing a temper tantrum here. I think it’s unfair that at this point everyone, everyone I’ve ever dared to call a friend or even a close mutual, a soul I cared for on twitter, has forgiven me, but the one person I would give up everything for to be happy is somewhere out there, and I don’t know what is going on.

I’m going to be so annoying from now on. And the truth is, I’m actually not that strong. The moment you tell me to stop, I will break from the inside out. But to be honest, that’s probably what I need. If you hate me, come shatter my fantasies. Let me give up on any hope. Please.

I’m sorry in advance. I know I said that I should be good for you, and let you be, and this will probably just make you hate me, but, Fabi, I’m just so lost and so tired.

I’m pathetic, I’m a loser, I know.

- Your Ex-Zhiji, Avro Lanca

#fabi alonso #letters to fabi alonso #letters to fabi alonso 23

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indigoninja · 2 years

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Hey Dad.

We're back at that time of year again, huh? Fifteen years is a long time. It's a long time without you.

Everyone says that it was too soon when someone dies, cliche as it is, it's true. Now more than ever. I've made some mistakes over the last year, and I've paid dearly for them. I got sick, and I was so scared that I might join you.

I'm glad I didn't, but it's a little selfish to say that I wish I could see you again. I wish I could hear you singing on your banjo, going out to your trailer up in NorCal. Seeing the dogs and driving our ATVs across the wilderness. I miss your music and your laugh. I can barely remember your face anymore.

I wish I could have been able to share so many expeirences with you. Prom, graduation, moving out on my own. I miss you so much, even though its been so long and so far ago, it still hurts just as much as the day I heard about your passing.

Grandpa died last year, and I haven't heard from your sister in so long, not since his fueneral. I miss her, and I miss her granddaughter. So many missed opportunities, and I wish I could still be with Grandpa's family somehow. I wish I could talk to them again.

I'm still surrounded by friends, but I don't think I've ever felt more alone now than since you passed all those years ago. I wish I could talk to you, just to see if you're proud of what I've done for myself, done to defy my mother despite her own issues. Seeing the support I got from my friends that live so far away from me, that cared enough about me as a human person that they helped me get a new life.

But I've been ungrateful, and it's showing in my actions. I need to change, but I don't really know what to do in order to change. It feels impossible, it feels like I'm stuck in a hole of my own making.

I just can't be afraid of asking for help anymore. I'm still me, I'm still here, I'm still alive despite all the things that have happened to me. I'm still here because I know that people will miss me if I go. I'm still here because I can make people laugh, I can brighten their days, I can help them forget the pain, even for just a moment.

I want to make people happy, I want to create things that make people smile when they see me. I can barely comprehend how important I am for some people, and it scares me, but its so amazing to see.

Was this how you felt when you saw me for the first time? When I took my first steps, when I spoke my first words? When I went to school for the first time? When I called you that last time, promising to see you again with Granny and Grandpa?

I miss your hugs. I miss your laugh. I miss your music. You made so many things, and the world is so much emptier without it. I can't believe how numb I've become to all of it, to the love and passion humanity has for one another to care and make each other happy, despite the systems that are in place to divide us.

It's more important, now more than ever, that we must care and love one another. That we must create in a world that rejects the inherent humanity of music, art, writing, and freedom. I still have my art, I still have my voice, I still have my love that I have to keep adding to a world that wants to take and take and take all of that away. To take away everything that makes us human.

I just hope, and I hope so, so badly, that you're in a good place. That you're free of pain. It's all I can hope for, and that it will be many, many more years before I see you again. Before I see you, Granny, and Grandpa again.

With all the love of a heavy, sad heart, Your dear, and only daughter.

#burding

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silvverhand · 4 years

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#raise your hand if a fictional character has ever emotionally devastated you because of personal issues!!!!!#it happened with Ben Solo and now it hAPPENS AGAIN WITH DEAN!!!!!!#I get so fucked up when Sam just twists the knife on that poor dude #like yeah Dean has made some poor fuckin decisions and Sam has the right to be mad about things but Jesus #‘if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t save you’#‘you’re selfish for wanting to keep me alive and it’s sad because I’m the only person in your life’#‘but also I’m gonna shame you for having friends that aren’t me’#like buddy please acknowledge that you and he had very different experiences in being loved and supported as you grew up!!!!!!!! fuck!!!!#anyway #characters being told by the one (1) person they truly care about and feel they can trust #that they don’t return certain feelings and don’t care as much as they do???#kills me #cause I have always been on the receiving end of that #literally always #and it sticks the knife in really deep and just twists it when it happens to a character I relate to really hard #it really hurts more than it should lmao none of it is real but Christ #the characters that try so fucking hard and sacrifice everything for others always get me right in the heart #especially when it’s never really appreciated #it’s also like #lmao #Sam bro if you don’t want a big brother who devotes his entire life to trying to protect you and take care of you then I’ll fuckin take him #I would love for somebody to care enough about me that they will do anything to keep me around #it’s better than feeling unloved and unwanted by 99% of the people in your life #I’m emo about it all #personal #god it’s sNOWING AND THAT DOESNT EVEN MAKE ME HAPPY LIKE IT NORMALLY DOES #WHAT THE FUCK

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wannabevampire · 2 years

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Window To My Soul,

Painting of My Heart.

🕯(see end notes if you wanna know why i used this photo!) 🕯

Okay so there’s no smut but it’s very angsty so like…soft 18+ rating ? check trigger warnings & please take care of yourself!

this fic is LONG!!

Druig x fem!reader (she/her pronouns are used)~ angst edition…

☆

i have a series based off this one-shot, featuring:

[druig x eternal!fem!oc ]<-click here to view series!

i really like it! so go check it out if you want <3

☆

warnings: slight fic spoilers in warnings~So!! Much!! Angst!!, Violence and Blood (it’s not super detailed i don’t think?), death

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:* 🪐☕️⏳🎞*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

♡ 4:19 pm

“Why do you have to be so god damn controlling all the time.”

You shouted.

“Maybe if you weren’t so fucking irresponsible I wouldn’t have to be.”

Druig said calmly.

He was leaning against one of the walls in the apartment the two of you had broken into. His head tilted back in exasperation.

“I was not being irresponsible! I had the opportunity to stop someone from dying so I took it!”

You retaliated.

“Yeah? You could have died. Then where would that leave us? With you dead and the mission unfulfilled. How do you think that conversation would go down with Ajax?”

Druig snapped at you.

“What so that gives you permission to brainwash me?”

You said angrily.

“Maybe if you weren’t so busy constantly being the most selfish being on the planet you’d realize that your actions have consequences! I did what I had to in order to keep you alive.”

He said.

“Oh Druig my wonderful god! However may I repay your chivalry!”

You said sarcastically, your voice raising steadily.

“What is wrong with you? I saved your life, and i’m not even asking for thanks. I don’t care if you hate me. But i’m not loosing you.”

Druig says, his voice eerily calm. His eyes fixated on the painting hanging on the wall across from him. It was crooked and the paint was chipping but he thought made it more beautiful.

“You can’t even look at me.”

You trail off, voice softening.

The silence that followed was deafening.

Druig clenched his jaw as if trying to real back every word and emotion he was feeling. Yet his eyesight never wavered, and continued to stay locked onto the painting.

“Are you really that disgusted with me?”

You asked, trying your best to play off the comment as if it was just sarcastic banter. But the raw hurt was evident in your tone. No matter how hard the two of you tried to ignore it, the feelings of hatred were slowly fading away.

Replaced instead with emotions of sadness, betrayal, anger, loneliness, confusion, insecurity—

What now?

“I’m not disgusted with you.”

He said, his tone sounded rehearsed.

“Then what?”

You laughed exasperatedly and threw your hands up, emphasizing your frustration.

“You don’t think I’m capable enough to stand up for myself. You do everything in your power to make sure I don’t fight. You ignore me constantly, and when you do decide to acknowledge my existence it’s only so you can criticize me! And now you’re giving me the cold shoulder. So excuse me for thinking you’re disgusted with me, because that’s how you treat me.”

You heard him sigh from across the room and stopped in your tracks. You had a tendency to zone out when you ranted, and hadn’t realized you were passing.

You stood there, your back turned to him.

Did he really just sigh? Is this that unimportant to him? Do I punch him or start crying?

Thoughts raced through your head, debating what to do next.

Finally settling on an appropriate reaction you turned around forcefully beginning to storm up to him. Your livid and confused mindset not allowing you to take in your surroundings. Causing you to walked straight into Druig, who had somehow managed to walk over without you noticing.

You bumped full force into his chest and stumbled backwards, mentally preparing yourself to hit the dusty wooden floor. Your fear of the fall was less about pain and more about pride.

You felt yourself falling down, down, down, down- and you couldn’t stop yourself, all your efforts of self preservation were in vain.

No matter what you did at this point there was no way to catch yourself on your own.

Although the drop was minuscule and probably wouldn’t even leave a mark, it had become so much more than that. If you fell you would break. If you fell it would be sign of defeat. If you fell he would win. But most of all, if you fell you’d have to look up.

Stare into his mesmerizing eyes, the ones you tried so desperately to hate.

What’s that saying Shakespeare came up with?

“The eyes are the window to the soul.”

Well it’s true. Especially with him. Mind control aside, his eyes were filled with emotion. They told stories of his lives, past and present. They held memories of sleepless nights filled with endless conversations about the universe. His eyes showed what the rest of his stoic face could not.

With every blink of his eye, flutter of his lashes, and tear shed he unveiled small parts of his soul.

With every second spent staring in wonder the more discoveries you made. Unveiling new fractions of his spirit. With every fleeting glance sent his way the more you felt your resolve start to wilt.

You’d spent so long trying to hate him. But your justifications were fading and you couldn’t keep doing this.

This was not just a trip & stumble, this was a confession. And you weren’t sure you were ready to face it. To look into his stupid mysteriously handsome eyes on his stupid beautiful face and tell him you didn’t hate him. To tell him that you felt the opposite. To tell him you…

But the world didn’t seem to care that you were ill prepared. You were still falling and soon you’d hit the floor-

Druig caught you swiftly, unintentionally pulling you closer. Causing the two of you to come face to face.

And for once, you didn’t want to look away. You wanted to get lost in his eyes. You wanted to learn the stories spinning through his head and absorb all the emotions ghosting his vision.

As the two of you stood there. Clutching onto each other, both of your demeanors filled with unnecessary desperation. You realized something.

You’d killed deviants. Fought the greatest warriors throughout history. You’d been shot, stabbed, beat up, and kidnapped. But none of the emotions that arose from those situations even came close to the fear you felt right now.

You loved him, and there was no emotion in the world scarier than love.

☆ 4:19 pm

You were the most exhausting being he had ever met.

You didn’t follow directions,

you always took his food,

and one time he’d had to bail you out of jail for stealing (or, as you called it, reclaiming) a necklace of yours that had ended up in “The Hall of Geology, Gems, and Minerals” at the Smithsonian.

In your defense you had tried to explain that it technically belonged to you. Never mind that you’d lost it a few centuries back.

NYPD did not find you very amusing.

Calling Druig for back up was the last thing you wanted to do, but you were facing jail time. And you didn’t just need to escape, you needed them to forget. And enduring the agony of asking Druig for a favor sounded a lot better than hiding for a decade until the case dropped or the suspects predicted appearance no longer fit your description.

Druig was not in the mood to walk four blocks, get on the crowded subway, take the 2 all the way to NYPD headquarters, erase any trace of you from the memories of everyone in the police station, and then have to endure you rapid-fire whispering your side of the story for the rest of the night before falling asleep on his bed (leaving him to sleep on the couch).

But you were his…he wasn’t quite sure. But you were you. So he went.

You remained silent when he walked in, with your head hung shamefully and your eyes locked on your boots. He assumed your were acting innocent so the cops would lessen your punishment.

But even after he mind wiped everyone in the vicinity you stayed quite. Simply following him out the door like a lost puppy. He was glad for the silence, he didn’t have to deal with your constant rambling and “fun facts”.

Well, he knew he was suppose to be happy about it. He had wanted peace and quite and he had gotten it. So why did he find himself missing your jokes and movie references and your slightly intrusive people watching observations?

He found himself egging you on. Throwing out a few sarcastic comments about the police. He even made an oceans 8 reference! (He’d only watched it because you wouldn’t shut up about how good it was for a month straight. Not that he would ever admit it, but he loved every second of it. The movie and your seemingly endless review.)

But he got not reaction. Only a nod here and there and a bit of forced laughter that sounded about as convincing as Druig’s attempt at an American accent.

He couldn’t bring himself to be mad at you. Not when you looked so completely and utterly defeated.

He still remembered the look in your eye when he asked you why this was so upsetting. He would never forget it.

It was the first time he saw you cry. And the moment he saw your tears start to fall he knew he never wanted to see it again. Not because it affected your appearance, but because the raw hurt in your eyes made his heart break a little bit.

The two of you had ended up on his bed. Your limbs tangled as you cried into his chest and he held you protectively in his arms. Druig’s hand gently stroking your head, his calm voice assuring you that everything was okay.

You remembered thinking he gave really good hugs.

He remembered loving the sensation of holding you in his arms.

You never answered his question, never told him why you were so upset.

And he never asked again. He didn’t want to risk seeing you cry again.

When the rays of sunlight breached the early morning sky and woke both of you, the two of you came to an unspoken agreement to never talk about what had happened. You silently decided to go back to being enemies. You ignored the butterflies you felt waking up in his arms. He decided to disregard the warm feeling that filled his chest when he saw you curled up in his bed with your head nestled into his chest.

You both elected to forget the position the two of you fell asleep in. To omit any knowledge of how the other person liked to cuddle from your memories. And pretend like this wasn’t the safest either of you had ever felt.

You agreed to never speak of it.

But he thought of that night every day.

He “went back” to hating you, though he never really had in the first place.

But that night he had uncovered a new perspective, one that he could not shake.

That night he had realized that he liked your rambling.

He noticed the way he subconsciously perked up when someone mentioned your name.

And became hyper aware of the fact that anytime you walked into a room he did everything in his power to look (not-so) effortlessly cool.

He realized he had been buying an extra portion of food every time he ordered take-out.

And registered the page in his notebook filled with your movie recommendations.

He acknowledged these actions and recognized his feelings. Yet there was no word he knew to describe the way he felt about you.

After that strangely-beautiful night and slightly confusing epiphany he tried his best to go back to normal. But he just couldn’t.

He felt more protective over you. He panicked at the idea of you going on missions without him. He jumped in at every opportunity to accompany you.

His sudden change in demeanor caught the attention of the other and he scrambled desperately to find an excuse. He settled on something along the lines of:

“She’s not capable of completing this mission in a time efficient way and it would just be faster if I went with her.”

He could tell by the expression on your face that his words stung. But he hoped you realized he was putting on an act and you were just pretending in front of the others.

He mentally slapped himself in the face for his stupidity when he saw that your expression didn’t change when the two of you were alone.

He’d make it up to you. Show you he cared. Protect you from every possible threat. Do everything in his power to keep you safe.

He was so set on keeping you safe he didn’t pick up on your annoyance.

That’s how he’d ended up here.

He desperately wanted to tell you what he really meant. He longed to explain himself, and inform you that he didn’t hate you, he never had and he never would. But he just didn’t know what he felt, so how could he possible tell you?

It wasn’t anger and it wasn’t fear.

It wasn’t friendly and it wasn’t familial.

It wasn’t disgust and it wasn’t frustration.

It wasn’t hate and it wasn’t-

Oh.

He stared at the painting in front of him. The paint was chipped and the frame was a little crooked. But he thought those things made it even more beautiful. It was clear that the painting was a print and not authentic. But these “flaws” made it original.

The peeling blue that colored the sky told stories of how old the painting was. It confessed the sins it had witnessed having been moved from place to place. It revealed the homes it had been in and the people it had met.

The barely visible crack on the left side of the frame showed it’s perspective. The break expertly hidden behind extra layers of gold paint that was microscopically a different shade than the base. It presented a need to fit in, a desperate performance in attempt to seek approval. A flaw that no one would notice made public to the world simply because of its owners insecurity.

Without the flaws the painting was just an object. But with these little imperfections the painting became alive. The bumps and ridges moved with the shimmering water. The visible brush strokes showed that everything was in motion.

He stood and watched the story of the painting play out. Desperately trying to ignore you.

Because he knew that the second he looked at you all agreements would be forgotten.

♡4:21 pm

Love,

It’s funny how much those four letters represent.

It’s terrifying.

You’d thought you’d known love before, romantic love that is.

But you were wrong. You’d known attraction and appreciation. This was…a million different things all at once. It somehow managed to feel like the most complicated thing in the world and the simplest.

It wasn’t something you’d be able to explain. All you knew is that it was here and it was strong and it was all because of Druig.

Druig.

Shit you’d been staring.

He was looking at you with an expression that could only be described as quizzical. He seemed concerned but in a curious sort of way. He was observing you as though you were a complex puzzle that he had a limited amount of time to solve.

His brow was furrowed and his nose scrunched up a little bit. It was his “concentrated” face & you’d seen it a million times before. You always averted your gaze when you saw this expression form. You’d always thought it was because it annoyed you. But looking at him now, you realized it was because he looked incredibly adorable. He looked so good when he was super focused that it almost made you angry.

You liked so much about him. How had you not seen it before? You loved him! Why had you not done anything about it?

Oh.

You had forgotten briefly about one key factor.

He hated you.

So you had pushed those feelings down as far as possible. So far that you practically forgot that they were there.

But they remained. Waiting slowly, spreading like a virus. Changing your actions and thoughts. And yet you remained oblivious. You were poisoning your own mind. So much so that you truly believed you hated him.

But the virus had broken through now, and there was no stopping it. You had to do something. You had to say it now. Because if you didn’t do it right this second you feared you never would.

☆4:21pm

“Are you okay-”

“Shut up.”

You said dismissively.

Druig raised an eyebrow incredulously. God you were lucky he was in love with you. Because you tested his patients like no other.

“I know that I’m kinda a lot to handle. I mean…I know that i’m irresponsible and don’t listen to directions. I know that my stubbornness takes a toll on everything and I know that sometimes I’m too childish. I make an annoying amount of heist movie references and have the audacity to be confused when no one gets them. I act before thinking and sometimes I forget that laws exist. I hide behind my insecurities by pretending to be confident. And I haven’t been nice to you.”

Words tumbled out of your mouth. You stopped to take a breath, blinking your eyes rapidly.

“I’m sorry. You deserve to be treated so much better. You’re intelligent but not cocky about it, well unless you’re making fun of me which I secretly love. Your always stealing my books and writing in the margins. You think I haven’t noticed your annotations but I have. I love your little notes and observations. It’s a small glimpse into what goes on in that head of yours.”

He stared at you, mouth open slightly in shock.

“You’re sweet. I know you’re the one who brings me tea when I’m hungover. I know you left a flower on my desk when that idiot broke up with me back when we were in France.”

He began to smile, listening to you ramble had always been one of his favorite pass times. He wished he’d realized that sooner.

“Not a day goes by where I don’t think about the night you bailed me out of jail. You were so kind and understanding, God I don’t know why. I was a mess.”

You squeezed your eyes shut as you recounted the memory.

“I never answered your question. About why I was so upset…”

Druig held his breath.

“It was for you.”

“What?”

Druig asked confusidly. This was not the answer he had been expecting.

“The thing I stole from the Smithsonian. It was for you. I may have told a little lie…I did take the necklace! I mean, it was mine in the first place so I don’t know what the fuss is. But I didn’t go in for that. They had your journal. The leather one with green trim and gold accents. The one that you lost all those years ago in Egypt, remember? You were always bragging about the fact that it had been magically binded so that no one but you could open it. It was your favorite. I’ll never forget how devastated you were when it disappeared, it was horrible. Especially since I had something to do with it…”

You confessed, trailing off. Your eyes still shut, too nervous to look at him.

“So when I saw that they were showing it off, trying to market it as and ancient relic retrieved from the pyramid tombs I got pissed off. I thought that maybe if I stole it I could somehow give it to you, secretly. I know you hate me, and I know I acted like I did. But I never hated you, and as much as I pretended like I did there’s was always a part of me desperately trying to please you. So when my plan bombed my spirit broke a little. For some reason that mission had become a milestone for me. It was subconsciously my last hope for redemption. My last chance to prove myself to you. And I fucked it up, just like I always do.”

Your voice broke as you said the last few words.

“Jesus I’m not doing this very well. I’m just- fuck. I don’t know how to do this. You make me feel everything all at once and it’s terrifying. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before and it scares me. I’m new to this whole things so bare with me. I know you hate me, and I know that me saying this won’t change that. But fuck, I’ve gotta try.”

You opened your eyes and they immediately locked in place with his. He started breathing faster, his pupils were blown wide, and his cheeks were tinted pink from blushing.

“I’m so sorry Druig. But I’m in love with you. And there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it.”

Was this happening? Is this real? Druig’s mind raced, this is everything he could ask for and more.

“I hate you so much for making me fall in love with you.”

His confused look returned. Yet the ghost of a smile remained.

“Okay. I’m done.”

You said definitively.

☆4:24pm

Christ he was not prepared for this. He’d rehearsed a million different versions of his proclamation. But now that the moment was here his mind went blank. And the things he could remember seemed ridiculous.

Honesty. That’s what had made your admission of love so special.

Okay, honest. I can do that. He thought to himself.

“Y/N…”

He began.

“I don’t know where to-”

SLAM!

Something smashed into your side, pushing you forcefully to the ground.

Druig snapped his full attention to the threat.

A lone straggler from the gang you two had just taken out. His leg was visibly broken and his head was bleeding. But his need for vengeance was crystal clear. He was running on adrenaline and heart ache.

Shit. He’d been in charge of double checking the perimeter before you left. But his attention had been elsewhere. He’s been so wrapped up in his unofficial mission of keeping you out of harms way that he must have skipped over a few bodies and simply assumed they were dead.

Druig felt rage course through him. And within seconds the man who had attacked you was under his control. Fallen to his knees with his hands behind his back, yet his head still held high. Determined to keep his power.

“Don’t.”

Was all Druig was able to muster in response to the mans actions. A witty comeback was the last thing on his mind as he ran over to you.

You were crumpled in a heap on the floor. Breathing shakily and clutching your side. He kneeled next to you and gently, but frantically, lifted your head. You smiled weakly, your eyes filled with tears. You were shaking as a result of attempting to mask your pain.

He maneuvered the two of you, so you lay with your head on his lap. His panicked state had yet to register what had hit you. As he focused his attention on stroking your hair and whispering to you that everything was going to be okay.

“Um Dru...”

You whispered and tilted your head down, trying to indicate your wound.

He glanced down and suddenly all emotion was wiped from his face. He simply stared at the gaping bloody wound. His mouth open in shock, tears gathering in his eyes awaiting the moment when they were allowed to fall.

“Hey, you’re fine you’re safe. Everything is gonna be okay.

But it wasn’t. The axe in your side guaranteed that.

God there was so much blood. He’d never seen this much before up close and in such a personal sense.

He was mumbling incoherently under his breath and attempting to stop the bleeding using a piece of fabric ripped from his shirt.

You reached out weakly. Trying to grab his hand, searching for any bit of comfort to help you through the pain.

He took your hand in his, squeezing tightly. But his attention still remained on the wound. Doing everything in his power to fix it. An impossible task of course. But when had ‘the impossible’ ever stopped him? Never.

“Druig please.”

You said, pain evident in your voice.

“Stop it. It won’t work. Please just look at me.”

You whispered. You sounded so scared and weak. That he couldn’t deny you.

So he did as he was told, and looked up.

♡4:30 pm

Twice.

That’s how many times you’d experience this sensation today. You’d never felt it before. And now you’d felt it twice.

First when you realized you were in love with Druig.

Never in your life had you felt such a thing. The feelings of love that had been rising steadily without your knowledge had exploded all at once. And something you had been almost completely oblivious about seconds earlier hit you like a truck. Love.

You just knew.

There was no other way to describe it. Instinct, devine intervention, who gives a shit.

The moment you felt it you knew what it was.

And you knew you never wanted it to go away.

The second time you felt it was when you hit the floor, Dejavu.

You felt the axe hit you, and the pain registered almost immediately. Within the few seconds it took you to fall you knew how deep the wound was. But you hadn’t even thought to consider your mortality.

But the second you hit the floor you knew.

You were going to die.

You weren’t a cynical person. In fact you liked to consider yourself an optimist. But the moment your body made contact with the dusty old wood you knew this would be where you died.

You weren’t ready to go. You felt no peace, no sense of calmness of clarity. Simply the disturbing realization that in a few moments you would be gone.

☆4:30 pm

“What..what do you want me to do?”

Druig asked, trying his very best to stay strong for you.

“Just hold me.”

You whispered, a single tear rolling down your cheek. One last drop of your soul releasing itself into the world.

“I just- I love you. And i’m sorry. I know you don’t love me back-”

“No that’s not-”

Druig attempted to interject.

“Just let me finish..I know you don’t love me back, and that’s okay. I understand. You don’t have to pretend. It’s okay. I just needed you to know that I’m in love with you. It was you Druig, it was always going to be you.”

You finished, locking eyes with him once again. He was shaking his head vehemently. You just gave him a very small understanding nod.

“Darling that’s not true. I love you, i’ve know for some time now. I don’t hate you, I could never hate you. I’m so sorry for not telling you sooner my love. I love you and I will never stop.”

He spoke, his words filled with desperation.

He had done it. He’d told you.

The circumstances were horrible and they weren’t going to get any better, but at least you knew.

At least you knew.

“Love?”

Druig questioned when you didn’t respond right away.

He took in your expression, your eyes were still open wide. But they had glazed over, leaving a ghostly appearance to your normally twinkling eyes.

You were getting weaker, right? That must be it. You were hurt, dying. But you were still there, you had to be.

He shook you. You didn’t respond. He shook you harder. Your head fell, dead weight causing your neck to stretch back.

You weren’t breathing.

His world stopped. You were gone. You hadn’t responded when you spoke to him. The last time he’d felt you move had been your nod to him. He’d assumed you were just tired, he wasn’t thinking straight.

He was plagued with the horrible realization that you were dead,

and you had died thinking he did not love you.

You had died whole heartedly believing that he hated you.

You’d died believing you were all alone in the world with that feeling.

He’d confessed. He’d told you everything and was about to tell you more. But he was just too late.

There was nothing he could do.

He could not continue. The pain he felt was too great.

At that moment he made a very rash decision. One that only makes sense if you’ve felt what he felt.

You were dead. And his love died along side you.

He could not go on without you. Not after this. Not after he was so close. He was convinced it was his fault. She was dead, and he could have stopped it.

He turned to stare at the man who had done this to you. He looked satisfied.

Druig looked around the room, his eyesight drawn to an object sitting a few feet away from his “prisoner”.

Druig looked at him, a plan forming. Revenge. His brow was scrunched, his concentrated face making an appearance.

“Stand up.”

The man stood.

“Walk over there.”

The man walked.

“Pick that up.”

The man picked up the object.

“Good.”

Druig looked down at you, you were so beautiful. Even in the worst of circumstances, even in death you were still the prettiest girl he’d ever seen.

He looked back up.

“Shoot me.”

Druig deadpanned.

The man raised the gun.

Druig looked over the mans shoulder. Behind him was the painting. The painting hung in all its glory, with chipped paint and a crooked frame. Beauty.

He took in the piece of art work. He allowed himself to get lost in the story. He let himself fall into the brush strokes and memorize the patterns.

He squeezed your hand and closed his eyes.

He tried to imagine the two of you existing in the painting. Together and happy. Floating happily along side the acrylics.

He nodded. Calmly. Understandingly. Sealing his fate with a single nod, just as you had. He felt peace. He was ready. If he could not be with you, he could not be.

“Goodbye my love, maybe in another life.”

Druig whispered.

The man pulled the trigger.

end.

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:* 🪐☕️⏳🎞*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

I’m so sorry for this you guys.

This was so hard to write.

idk what to say?

This is sorta me coping through writing. I tried to make it beautiful. Sorry it’s so long 🤧

🕯~(Also! The picture of Barry at the very top is how Druig is imagining himself in the painting at the end! ) ಠ_ಠ

holyshitimsosadimgonnacryhimandhispaintingimdeadhelp

poor baby just wanted to be happy,,,someone take this man to an art museum.

Take care of yourselves my loves and please reach out if you need <3

xoxoxoxo,

allie🕊

(you get extra hugs n kisses cuz this was a hard one)

@waspswidows babe please pull up i need a hug 🤧

#druig x reader #druig #druig fic #druig angst #angsty allie >:(#druig oneshot #druig eternals #eternals #oh my goodness #literally i’m so sorry #YOU WANTED ANGST.#😞#i can’t tell if this is poorly written

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