#’dont u make journals’ i have like one and i physically cannot make myself use it ive tried

[combat-wombatus]

uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

or

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍♀️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p 

#coco answers #nonnie <3

[awolspaceman]

how my dysphoria manifests i guess

just gonna warn u right here: this is gonna get in depth talking about dysphoria. if that triggers you, keep scrolling and have a lovely damn day! (also, i anticipate that this is going to get l o n g)

so i’ve seen a ton of shit coming from tucutes about how us “nasty horrible transmeds believe you need to despise yourself to be trans!!!!!!! they’re so harmful to the trans community!!!!!!!” so i just wanna dispel some of those myths. please keep in mind that i’m one person and my experience is totally not universal. i have trans friends who do hate themselves due to dysphoria, and i have friends who aren’t super dysphoric but still experience gender dysphoria. it’s a varied experience. here’s mine. 

i don’t hate my body. if we add up all the things i like/love about my body and then subtract everything i don’t like, we still end up with a positive. i got blessed by the genetics from my parents that i have a relatively masculine face, as well as a pretty pronounced adams apple by female standards. i have really nice eyes in my opinion, and i have some of the thickest eyebrows that i know of. so yeah, i got a masculine face. 

i am very unlucky with the rest of my body. from the neck down, here’s some of the things i like about myself: my collarbones, my shoulders, my hands, my arms, my calves, and my feet. those are all pretty masculine if you ask me. i’m 5′7 and wear US men’s size 9 shoes, and i’m a broad dude (my dad is disappointed in me for one reason and it’s that i don’t competitively swim). unfortunately, i’ve got a big chest. i don’t just have a big chest by trans guy standards, i have a big chest by female standards (if you wanted to put me in a size i’d be a 36 DD, which means i have a bulky ribcage and an even bulkier chest). i’m never perfectly flat while binding, and trust me, i’ve tried on a lot of binders. i live in sweatshirts. i’m also pretty damn curvy, with a smaller waist and thick thighs (mostly muscle, but it still makes me fairly hourglass). apart from my shoulders (which are probably the reason i don’t have that “perfect” hourglass figure thing), i have a super feminine build. that’s just how it be. we’re not even gonna talk about bottom dysphoria because i think you get how my entire body is contradicting itself.

so how does my dysphoria manifest, i hear you asking. my dysphoria is this weird thing that never really goes away. however, it’s not complete and total self hatred. let’s use the shower i took tonight as an example. when i look at myself naked, my body doesn’t register my feminine “bits” as mine. seriously. my brain cannot comprehend that my chest is a part of me. it cannot comprehend my lack of penis, so its circuits overload and i just feel... nothing about it. that feeling of nothingness is then replaced with a similar feeling to touching raw meat. just kind of “huh, that’s weird and kind of gross. i’d like this to be over as quick as possible, please and thank you.” i’m currently sitting in bed, and my chest is pressing into my stomach slightly. i’m not constantly focusing on it (yes, it’s physically uncomfortable, but it’s not making my dysphoria make me want to die), but in the back of my mind, the “ew raw meat” feeling is constantly running. not a fun time. my brain would like to be rid of that feeling as soon as possible. problem is, i’m kinda stuck with it. no matter how much i bind and how much pointless youtube i watch, it’s always there and isn’t going to go away until after i’ve had surgery. 

you know those cursed images that make you go “yeeeeeeeeesh, that’s n a s t y oh god it gets nastier the more i look”? yeah, that “ewwwwwwwww” feeling is the feeling i get. it just feels wrong, and i sure would like it to feel right. do i feel this way all the time? pretty much, unless i’m super distracted, which i try and do all the time. does my dysphoria get to debilitating self-hate sometimes? yeah. lemme explain, with a few choice excerpts from my life. 

this was june, 2018. not that long ago. i needed some sports bras so i could work out, go on long road trips, etc, without binding dangerously or for too long. let’s just say, buying high support sports bras for people with large chests is.... difficult. so, since my mum is a Saint and understands how my dysphoria works, we measured me and bought stuff online. when the stuff came in, there was a return deadline, so i needed to make sure it fit. this is where my dysphoria becomes near debilitating. i ended up sobbing in my room and writing in a small journal i had about how horrible i felt, and this is the gist of what i remember: i want a knife to cut off my chest. i dont care how painful it will be, i just need it GONE. 

i’m on a medication called norethindrone. it stops ovulation and therefore, i don’t get my period (its a fucking blessing. i gained a little weight with it but it’s not too bad, no heavy mood swings, and so if ur a trans dude who wants to stop your periods, check in with your primary doctor about it! they can prescribe it to you, you don’t need to be in gender therapy or anything). however, my natural hormones overloaded it once, about a year ago almost to the day. i got my period for the first time in four months (i had only been on the medication for about that long), and it was hell. i was having more cramps than i had ever had, and my dysphoria was just skyrocketing. i’d had the privilege of not menstruating for a while, and so i’d gotten used to it, and wasn’t prepared for the mental toll of my medication failing. it was horrible.

tomorrow, i’m going into the city with my parents to meet with some people to talk about freezing my eggs. it’s the one thing i need to figure out before i start HRT, so hopefully we figure it all out rather quickly (testosterone is on the horizon babey!!!!! we’re talkin like hopefully under a year until i can start it but idk). however, the thought of even talking about my uterus makes me feel sick. my brain refuses to acknowledge that i have it, so forcing it to acknowledge a part of me i try hard to ignore is 1. exhausting and 2. really distressing. talking about it with my parents made me dysphoric, and when this special flavor of my dysphoria rears its ugly head, i swear i can feel my internal organs shifting with discomfort. so, yeah, my dysphoria gets pretty nasty. 

so let’s just review. personally, my dysphoria manifests as this weird thing my brain cant quite comprehend but definitely does not enjoy, and sometimes it spikes to those self-hating, “everything about me sucks and i want to die” levels, but those are normally induced by me getting deadnamed or misgendered or i’m forced to think about aspects of my body that i work hard to ignore. this is my experience and i’m allowed to share it. not everyone’s is like mine, but i think maybe, just maybe, one person who sides with tucute ideology will read this and maybe, just maybe, they’ll change their mind about the “horrible self-hating transmed ideology” that other tucutes talk about and demonize. 

have a nice night y’all. get some sleep and eat breakfast tomorrow.

#trans #transmed #truscum #dysphoria #gender dysphoria #tw: dysphoria #trans discourse #lgbt #lgbt discourse