#“oh I’m gonna steal that gnome”

[likeabulldigidigibombombombom]

Open Window (Part 2)

Part 1 here

Pairing: Barely threatening thief!Hyunjin x fem!reader 

Trope/Genre: Non idol au, fluff

Summary: You’re nearing the end of your gap year, and you decided to spend your last month of it at your aunts house. Unfortunately, a very stupid criminal has struck your house many times and you need to figure out who they are and why they did it.

 1112 words 

Warnings: Hyunjin LITERALLY ROBS YOU. DO NOT DO WHAT Y/N DOES SHE IS A DUMBASS. Usage of pet names, swearing. 

It had been two days since you’d seen the robber. He had come through the window while you were asleep a couple of times and stolen a few small items that you had to look for when you woke up. You had so many questions.

‘Why is this guy stealing dumb shit?’ ‘Why is this guy stealing from me?’ and most importantly, ‘What is his name?’ All you were hoping for was for him to come back through your window (While you were awake) and explain everything. 

After another boring day, it was finally night again. There was one problem though, it was freezing. Although it had been warm the weeks prior, the temperature had randomly dropped. You weren't expecting him, but just in case, you left a note taped to the window that said “Knock on the window and I’ll open it for you so you can steal all of our prized possessions :)” 

Surprisingly, at midnight you were awoken by a knock at the window. Navigating your way through the dark, you managed to open the window and let the man in. “Hi again!” he said happily as he sat down on the windowsill. “What do you want to steal this time? Because I have a few things that I’d rather keep.” “Well, this time I’d like to talk for a bit, because I feel like you’re a little confused.” 

You were taken by surprise, but touched by the fact that he was willing to help you understand what was going on. “Oh, thanks!” 

“I’m not an asshole, darling, I’m not gonna leave you in the dark… Figuratively, it’s the middle of the night I can't make the sun come up again.” You laughed and began to speak. 

“Why are you stealing from me?” “I can’t answer that.” “Okay? Why are you stealing useless stuff?” “I can’t answer that.” 

“What can you answer then?” “You should start smaller. Let me ask you one. What’s your name?” “I thought I was supposed to be asking questions!” “You’re shit at asking questions.” You rolled your eyes. 

“Y/N. What’s yours?” “I can’t answer that.” “Seriously?!” “I’m kidding. My name’s Hyunjin.” “Hyunjin? That’s a really pretty name.” “Thank you. So is yours, it suits you.” 

“Well, Hyunjin, what do you like to do for fun? Other than stealing weird garden gnomes.” You could see a dimly lit face smile across the room. “I draw and paint and read, so basic stuff.” “I wouldn’t call that basic, especially for a criminal.” “Don’t judge a book by its cover Y/N.” “You stole an empty soda bottle from me, I think my anger is valid.” He laughed. 

“You’re definitely the most interesting person I've ever robbed.” “You’re definitely the most interesting person who’s ever robbed me.” “How many people have robbed you?” “Let me count. One.” “I’m honoured to be your first.” 

“How many other robbers do you know?” “Out of the ones I know? Six.” “That’s more than I thought would be around here.” “Yep, we all rob around this neighbourhood because we’re honestly not bothered enough to go anywhere else.” 

“Well, I’m all out of questions. Is there anything you wanna say or ask?” “Oh yeah! Are you single?” “Oh, um, That was very forward.” “I’m just asking!” Despite how far away he was, you could see him smirking in the darkness. 

“Yeah, I’m single.” “Okay good to know.” “What about you?” “I’m single. Painfully single to be honest.” “Really? I didn’t think that you’d be a romantic type.” “I’m such a hopeless romantic it’s insane.” 

“How many other robbers out there are like this?” “I don’t really know…” 

“Do you want me to turn the lights on? It might help you see what you’re stealing from me.” “Nope, then you’d see me and it would ruin my threatening mysterious persona.” “I hope that was sarcasm.” “No, but seriously, you can't see me with the lights on.” “Sure, but I’m not gonna look for you and report you to the police or anything, I probably should though.” 

“I promise, my stealing isn’t just for fun.” “I believe you, for some reason I trust you a lot. It’s weird.” “I’m just so charming aren’t I?” “I take it back.” “Aw, why?” “You’re too cringy to trust.” “What do you mean?! I’m not cringy at all.” You threw a pillow at him and you could see him dramatically collapse on the floor. “You deserved that.” “No, I didn’t.” “Find something to steal and get the fuck out before I throw something bigger.” “Fine.” 

He scanned the room. “What’s that?” He said, pointing at a new item on your bedside table. “Oh, I was gonna give that to you.” He walked over to pick it up. 

He was a lot closer than he’d ever been before and you could see his face in more detail. He was absolutely stunning. He had an incredible jawline and the prettiest lips you had ever seen. 

“Wow.” You said. He tilted his head in confusion. “You’re so beautiful.” He looked down shyly. “So are you.” 

He held the item and squinted at it. “Is it a torch?” “Yeah! I thought it would be useful to have something that could help you see what you’re trying to steal.” “Thank you so much!” He pointed it towards the corner and turned it on. 

“Why do you have a box of paper clips in the corner of your room?” “I don’t even know. I thought it would be useful but it really isn’t.” “I think I’ll take that.” 

He was about to grab the box when you grabbed his arm. “Wait. Don’t go yet. I’ve barely seen you and I have to leave in two weeks.” “You’ll see me again soon love.” You felt your face heat up slightly. “But,” 

He cut you off as he kissed you softly. Butterflies erupted in your stomach. Your hand was still on his arm and his hand had moved up to hold the back of your head. When he pulled away, he moved his hand and tilted your chin up to look at him. He smiled for a moment but the smile had quickly transitioned into a look of concern. 

“Was that okay? If you weren’t fine with that I’m so sorry.” You laughed. “No that was okay. More than okay actually.” “Okay good.” 

You let go of him and he walked to the corner of your room to pick up the paperclips. He opened the window and prepared to jump out. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow Y/N.” 

With that, he was gone and you couldn’t stop smiling, replaying the moment in your head as you fell asleep.

Author note: Thank you so much for reading! I seriously appreciate it. Like always, constructive criticism is wanted! I'm planning to make a part three to this so if you found it interesting stay tuned! If you liked this, please follow me for more fanfics like this one <3 Thank you!

Masterlist

@catiuskaa thanks for the stickynote idea!!! :D

#skz imagines #skz headcanons #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids x y/n #hyunjin x reader #straykids fanfic #stray kids x female reader #hwang hyunjin x reader #hyunjin x y/n #skz hyunjin x reader #likeabulldigidigibombombombom

[bara-izu]

Do you have any tips for not breaking the Oath of Devotion in BG3? (My durge is going to be a devotion paladin, and I’m trying to limit the amount of times he breaks the oath as much as possible)

Gonna be totally honest, I'm not 100% sure how I never accidentally broke my oath haha... Oath of Devotion seems pretty straight forward tho!

Enjoy a longish post under cut

Oath of Devotion paladins abide by the following tenets:

Courage. Stride dauntlessly into action.

Compassion. Show clemency when prudent, and lend your arm to those in need.

Duty. Tend your responsibilities, obey just laws, and support those entrusted to your care

1. TOGGLE NON LETHAL DAMAGE!!!

If you accidentally kill civilians (or in my case from EA(???) some of the cultists?????) Then your devotion oath breaks. If you NEED to kill someone *cough* eg. Viconia because she only drops the Walking Fortress when dead dead *cough* get another party member to do it! *cough* Astarion/Shadowheart my beloved murder meow meows *cough*

2. Help Everyone

This shouldn't come as a surprise, you're going to want to offer to help anyone in need; druids, tiefs, gnomes ect ect

3. Don't steal/break "just" laws

Basically if you want to do dodgy stuff get your rogue to do it- it's what he's built for after all. I believe the 'just' laws is most likely to take effect when you are in Baldur's Gate- any pickpocketing is a no no (only from the paladin, another character doing it is fine), essentially dont do anything that could get you thrown in jail

4. Judgement

So there is a couple of quests where people will go "oh you're a paladin, tell us your judgement" which... not fun I personally hate that, but generally if you click the "paladin" dialogue responses you should be fine, of there is multiple I would assume picking the "kindest" one works best for devotion lmao

Hope that is useful??

It's been funny hearing my friends respond to the same situations with the same answers (using different paladin subclasses) and it breaks their oaths, but doesnt seem to break Devotion's...

Just be kind and courageous! that seems to be the way to go!

#ask izu #bg3

[yakumtsaki]

We’re backoix but without Wyatt for the first time since 2017💔 Jojo is fucking devastated and goes on an autonomous home maintenance spree but keeps stopping to cry:

-OH WYATT, HE LOVED TO SLEEP IN THIS BED

-OH WYATT, HE LOVED TO SNOOZE ON THE LAWN

Ugh my poor Jojo, I know what will cheer you up, why don’t we go wait for the wolf? 

-OH WYATT, HE LOVED TO NAP IN THIS TENT

-Hey Shaj. -Hi grandma, how are you? -I’m sharing the mausoleum with Wyatt now, so not great. What’s going on here? -Literally nothing, even Cyneswith hasn’t had a new lover for like a week.

-Who needs lovers when I have my Dobrie?💗 

I can’t stress enough how ridic this relationship is, Dobronega hates absolutely everyone including her own kittens. The fuck, Cyn, are you using the voodoo doll on the pets now?

-Of course not, I’d never override an animals free will!🌸

Right, what are they, men who refuse to immediately fall in love with you? 

-Exactly!💗

Time for our mandatory ‘a new day starts’ ritual.

-Ok everyone, let’s knock this one out cause I have to get ready for work. Cyn how could you?? -Oh Donnie I’m so sorry!🌸 -𝙶𝙾𝙾𝙳 𝙾𝙽𝙴, 𝙶𝚄𝚈𝚂, 𝚂𝙴𝙴 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝚃𝙾𝙼𝙼𝙾𝚁𝙾𝚆.

The kitts grew up! This is Scorpion, under him is Ermac, on the right is Mileena, and under her Kitana, who is the chonkiest one and thus the automatic heir! I’m gonna send the other 3 to live with Angel and Wulf while Sophie is at work because she throws Komei-tier tantrums whenever a pet leaves.

So Sandy is a romance sim, which I keep forgetting, and is like 1 second away from aspiration failure, so it’s time for a blind date. I spend the max amount and we get GILBERT JACQUET?? LMAO. Do you guys feel like he’s open-minded enough to date a zomb? They have 3 bolts tho, his turn-ons are black hair/green eyes so I guess that was enough to overcome the rotting part?? 

This is going great?? Honestly wtf. Gilbert tell me the truth, does she remind you of your mother?

What’s up Sophito, how was school?

-What the hell is this?! 

I’m sure you already know what it is since you went out of your way to cockblock, but this is Sandy on a date. 

-Well stop it, I don’t like it! 

Ya despite what Sophie has told you, the world doesn’t revolve around Sophito Union’s wishes.

-My world does!

Guess who got fired on his second day!

-𝙶𝙾𝙾𝙳 𝙴𝚅𝙴𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚂𝚄𝙶𝙰𝚁; 𝚆𝙴𝙻𝙲𝙾𝙼𝙴 𝙷𝙾𝙼𝙴. -WAAAAAH 

-OH, WYATT, OH CRUEL FATE

-FUCK YOU AND YOUR ONE CHANCE AT HAPPINESS, SANDY

Ya ok I’ve had enough of this house-

-let’s gtfo, Cyn! It���s hoeing time. 

-When isn’t it!💗

Huhu!🌸

-Huhu!💗

Man this place is DEAD. Where tf is everyone?

-They’re on the terrace, dumbass.

Ok that’s a lot of lip from you, bandana-bowtie. To the terrace! 

OMG IT’S CORNROW DOWNTOWNIE. The top townies I wanna marry in genetics-wise is this guy and Hot Downtownie that Shaj brought from work the other day. I zoom out all happy to have Cyn go talk to him and what do I see??

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, JACK DO

-OVER MY DEAD BODY IS CYNESWITH CHEATING ON ME IN THIS RESTAURANT WHERE MY OPPRESSIVE MOTHER IS THE MAITRE D’!!!

OH FFS

We relocate to this weird hot tub club where thankfully none of our existing lovers are. 

-Oooh, Neon Vest Downtownie is hot!💗   -Fuck me, here comes the voodoo doll. 

-SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND, VESTIE!!!🌸

Hehehe, ok Cyn let’s knock this one out on location because we’ve really fallen behind!

-Ya so I’ve been increasingly concerned about nuclear weapons- 

-WILL YOU TWO GET A ROOM FOR YOUR POLITICAL DISCUSSION? WE’RE TRYING TO HAVE PUBLIC SEX HERE

Kaching!!! Man that was quick, thank you, Neon Vest Downtownie!

You don’t walk from the table when you’re on a roll, so we move on to this guy, who I thought was Komei’s old enemy Shea Johnston, but is actually a ginger version of him.  

-Didn’t you use to steal my grandpa’s garden gnome?💗 -Oh no, that was my evil twin brother! I’m the nice one!   -Aww, we have so much in common, I’m the nice one with an meanie sister too!🌸

-Now let me just channel the ancient evil of voodoo to manipulate your consciousness!💗

-Oh, Ginger Shea Johnston, let’s take this upstairs to the hot tub, it’s more public!🌸

Bro I love Cyn so fucking much, on her way upstairs to the hot tubs with GSJ she stops to flirt with the Count, LOL

-Hiiii, didn’t you use to sleep with my grandma?💗 -I sure did! -Seems like a good family tradition, huhu!🌸

-Oh Cyneswith, today is the best day of my life! -It better be, my daddy worked really hard for that voodoo doll!💗

Never stood a chance, against us, GSJ!

-Hey girl, if you ever get tired of these warm meatbags you know where to find me!🧛

Ya Count, we actually DON’T know where to find you, that was also our big problem when Victoria wanted to bang you.  

-Oh, I live in the animal sanctuary! Bat section.🧛 

You don’t have an ancestral castle on top of a misty hill? What kind of flop vampire even are you??

-You know what the rent for ancestral castles is these days??🧛

Good Lord, get out of here Count Bumula, you’re ruining our night. Time to return home, Cyn, great job! 

I was hoping Sophito would outgrow this Sandy bullshit on his own but clearly I have my work cut out for me.

-Look Sandy, another A+++! Much better than some stupid momma’s boy baker, right??

You of all people wanna talk about mommy issues, really? Go do your goddamn homework.

Valentina becomes an elder during her favorite activity: shitting on our flowers.

-You better put those dream date ones away, too tempting!

Val, let me just say, and I truly mean this, you are a literal monstrosity.  

Cyn rolls that ‘woohoo with a service sim’ want, so goodbye Kaylynn, it’s Remington time.

-So let me get this straight, you’re firing me because, and I quote, ‘You’re really sorry but you want a guy maid to raw you, huhu🌸’? -Exactly, huhu!💗 -You’ll be hearing from the labor department. 

-Oh hiii Lucy, welcome, now get out!🌸    

-OMG OMG HI I’M CYNESWITH💗 -Well hello, I’m Remington Harris and I’m a true professional as you can surely tell by my aggressive decolletage.  -Oh Remi, you’re a godsent, I’ve been so lonely in this house with only one available choice to cheat on my husband with!🌸 -Uh, what’s that now?

-Don’t worry about it!💗

Ah, the glory of love! Cyn do you think that having both iVan and Remington in the house everyday might not be like, a super good idea?

-Of course not, what could possibly happen, huhu?🌸

Well iVan already tried killing you once?

-Oh, he didn’t mean that, it was on oopsie!💗

Credit where it’s due, this is one aesthetic af affair-

-I MEAN!

-GODDAMMIT, MOTHER, DOES YOUR DEGENERACY KNOW NO END??

Sugar you little oedipal freak, did you seriously run out in the rain in your pjs just so you could do this? Even your father doesn’t give a fuck anymore! 

Finally, God decided to put an end to this house of sin.

-WHAT THE FUCK KID, STOP PUSHING ME INTO THE FIRE -SORRY, HOT DOWNTOWNIE, I WAS TRYING TO PUSH MY MOTHER

Finally the rain stops and it’s time for Cymi (Cyn + Remi, cute, right?) to defile Jojo’s wolfwatching tent. The very place where Wyatt napped??? Cyn, come on!

-It’s what daddy would have wanted, he was always supportive of my romantic endeavors!🌸

Ya I guess that’s true, ugh I miss Wyatt :(

Real talk, Jojo has been the saddest I’ve ever seen a sim be over a spouse’s death, like non-stop crying for days. I did get very emo just by seeing him sleep alone, but then he gets up and does something that freaked me out so much I straight up shut the game down..

..HE AUTONOMOUSLY GOES TO LOOK @ WYATT’S PORTRAIT. I swear I’m not making this shit up, at first I thought he was interacting with the urn, but then I check his action panel and it’s the ‘view’ thing @ the portrait!!! 

These aren’t ‘real’ portraits taken with the portrait mechanic (which I don’t know if even with those ones sims know whose portrait is whose), they’re screenshots I put into the custom painting folder which I then have the sims paint, so there’s no way game-wise that Jojo would know this is depicting Wyatt. I’m also 100% certain I’ve never had another sim in the family autonomously go view a death portrait, because I would have definitely taken a pic and included it in a post. Point is, bro I was already convinced Jojo was sentient and was equal parts freaked and moved..  

..and then he goes to Shajar’s portrait..

..AND DOES THIS. H E L P

#gen 3 #ts2

[gold-onthe-inside]

The class dynamics of the Gilmore Girls fandom are so interesting to me. Specifically the way they view teenage Jess compared to adult Rory. There are a lot of people in this fandom who see Jess committing petty crime as a teenager (who was shipped off to another state all by himself) as the worst thing a person can do. But when Rory, an adult, steals a yacht all of a sudden there is empathy and they can understand her motivations. There are people who criticize this decision she made but they don't pin her entire morality to it the way people do with Jess. Is it that we spend more time with Rory? Or that she goes to "good" schools and comes from a "good" family? I have seen people give her more shit for dropping out of Yale than for committing a felony.

they way the town condemns jess for his ‘crimes’ is so funny and tragic at the same time. they have a town meeting about the chalk outline and police tape prank. he steals 500 baseballs which to me is hilarious especially when you consider that dean is probably in the baseball team. he gets in a fight with chuck presby and all we’re told about it is that chuck’s a jerk. oh, and he stole babette’s giant gnome, probably because he was bored and there was nothing to do in town.

the problem is, outside of rory and lorelai’s perception of him, we know nothing about jess. his relationship with dean seems on the surface to just be that he likes rory and doesn’t think she and dean are a good fit. but dean has a lot of red flags that even lorelai ignores. he’s clingy to the point of obsession. he likes the donna reed show. he doesn’t share a lot of the interests rory has. he gets pissed off that she’s prioritising college over him. in front of rory and lorelai, he’s the perfect boyfriend. but we know there’s another side to him, especially when he marries lindsey.

the point i’m trying to make is that jess only seems like a bad guy because it’s lorelai’s perception of him, when in fact, he voluntarily takes rory book-shopping and he buys her books he thinks she’d like and gives her notes in the margin. he gets along with paris, which dean never does by the way, and he seems to be good friends with lane and her band too. you hear them constantly referencing each other in their schedules but you never actually get to see them dating. paris and jess have all of 2 interactions, both where they genuinely seem to get along. he’s polite to emily and if he hadn’t been late or beaked in the eye by a swan, he might have even won her over. he’s smart and sweet and funny and it’s pretty much life that fucks him over. but because you don’t see the other part as visibly, it’s easier to condemn jess as being the guy that gets into fights and pisses off the town and broke rory’s wrist (which btw is not a big deal. it was a hairline fracture on her wrist and lorelai acts like rory lost an arm).

in comparison, rory is a good kid. everyone says it all the time. she’s nice and polite and bound for harvard and she’s a good student and is gonna be a great journalist. you know her potential, you know she makes good intentioned decisions most of the time. she tries to keep the peace between her mom and her grandparents. so ofc you see how she feels like her life is falling apart because her whole life hinges on that one thing she wants to do in her life and she’s struggling with it. it’s seen as a lapse in judgement. she made a mistake but she’s a good kid. she gets that leniency, but jess never does.

#gilmore girls #rory gilmore #lorelai gilmore #dean forester #paris geller #jess mariano #asked and answered #anon #rucha's rambles

[scorpiongrassfield]

Conspiracy Board Time 

Start | Prev

Concrete enters the room and roams around, eventually settling near Pat’s feet as they enjoy their second cup of coffee for the day. 

Once Pat is satisfied that you and Theo have eaten enough, they set their cup down on the side table and say, “Okay, now we can get to work.” 

Theo stands to collect everyone’s trash and takes it into the kitchen for disposal. 

“What will we be doing, exactly?” he asks when he returns. 

“We’re gonna make a murder board,” Pat says, gesturing to the cork board. 

“Oh… has someone been killed?” Theo asks, not matching Pat’s enthusiasm. 

You can see realization dawn on Pat’s face. If you had to guess you’d think they were reassessing whether or not it’s appropriate to call it a murder board while talking to an actual murder victim. 

“Uh. No. I guess no one else has been killed as far as we know,” they say eventually. 

“Ah. Okay then,” Theo says. 

“Anyway!” Pat sing-songs in a manner that implies they want to move on without addressing anything that just happened, “We brought the board, pins, yarn, and a bunch of stuff to pin up. We were hoping you could help us piece everything together.” 

Theo hesitates. “I’m not sure how much help I’ll be, but I’ll try my best,” he says after a few beats. 

“That’s the spirit,” Pat says cheerfully. 

They move to start getting the materials out of the bag and onto the coffee table. Concrete steals their seat in the meantime. 

You help by spreading out some of the drawings and cards out so they’re easier to look through. 

“What mystery are we solving, again?” Theo asks as he stoops a bit to read the cards. 

“The sun is missing,” you say. 

“We’ve seen it a few times, it isn’t completely missing,” Pat corrects. 

“That’s… not reassuring,” Theo says, brow furrowed. 

“Plus our mystery is really like 8 stacked in trench coats like gnomes on a dinner date,” Pat says. 

Theo looks more confused than ever. 

“Our overall question for our mystery board is ‘What’s Going On’,” Pat says, pausing to pin a card with each of those three words up on the board. 

“That's not very specific,” you chime in. 

“It’s not! But it covers all our bases for now. We can get more specific if we have any more questions after we answer this one,” Pat explains. 

“First let’s get our dramatis personae up,” Pat says. 

You find the drawings you made last night and tear them from the sketchbook. 

Pat pins up a portrait they drew once you’ve gotten yours on the board. 

Ametrine stares out from the page, sadder than you’ve ever seen her. Pat’s drawing style favors bold lines and heavy shadows. 

“She’s not wearing sunglasses,” you note. 

“No? She doesn’t really wear them,” Pat says, sounding perplexed. 

“She’s always wearing them when I see her,” you counter. 

“Huh…” Pat takes a card and writes something down on it. 

“There’s no picture of you?” Theo asks, looking your way. 

You drew Theo, Pat, and the shadow, and Pat drew Ametrine… Theo is right. There isn’t one for you. 

“Uh… No. Guess we forgot.” 

“May I?” Theo asks, gesturing for the sketchbook. 

“Sure,” you say, offering it to him. 

He thanks you and settles back down into a chair to start drawing. He looks up every now and again, scanning your features before returning to the task. 

You aren’t sure how you feel about having your portrait drawn like this, but you did just agree to it, so you won’t back out now. 

“Now we connect everyone with yarn. Pink is for a connection to me, obviously. Black for you Sylv, we’ll put your portrait here when Theo’s done. T-Ametrine gets yellow…” 

“Why do you do that?” you ask. “Do What?” 

“You trip over Ametrine’s name often enough to be noticeable,” Theo chimes in. 

Pat huffs a laugh. “Can’t get anything past you two, can I?” 

They don’t elaborate. 

“Well?” you prompt. 

“I’m thinking. It’s not like it’s a big secret or her dead name or anything. It’s just. We used to be… close… Me and Ametrine. I used to call her Trina. Now we aren’t close. The habit remains. You two don’t know her by that name, so I’m trying to just call her by the one. That’s all,” they say. 

“How close were you?” you prod. 

“That’s none of your business,” Pat says. 

You give them a look. 

“Close enough that we were planning to run away together at some point. We didn’t though. She wasn’t… no, she couldn’t give up on what she thought was right, and I have a different idea of what’s right, so we went separate ways,” they say. 

“Thank you,” you say. 

Pat mutters something under their breath, but you don’t catch it. You’ll let them be grumpy as long as they give you the information you want. 

“Who is she, though? How is she relevant to,” Theo gestures to the board with his pencil, “That?” 

“Not you too,” Pat complains. 

“We can’t make a conspiracy board if we don’t have any information,” you point out. 

“It’s true,” Theo agrees. 

“Oh this whole trip was a bad idea,” Pat whines, but you can tell they’re playing it up for laughs. 

“No dodging the question,” Theo says without looking up from the portrait. 

Pat laughs. “Absolutely relentless…” they shake their head. “Ametrine is an exorcist and psychic. She’s… Not fond of ghosts and will do just about anything to get rid of them, including murder,” Pat explains. 

“Oh, I see. I should perhaps steer clear of her then,” Theo says. 

“Yeah. She’s got it out for Sylv here,” Pat says, connecting Ametrine’s portrait to your space with black and yellow yarn.

“And we thought she was after him because of this guy.” They connect the shadow to you. 

“How are you two connected?” 

“Actually, I think the shadow might be more connected to Pat than me,” you say. 

“What makes you say that?” Pat asks head cocked to the side. 

“Last time I talked to it, it mentioned that you were the one that asked it to protect me, but that you’d forgotten you’d done so,”  you explain. 

“And you’re just telling me this now?” 

You shrug. You can’t tell them everything about that conversation anyway, and it never really came up. 

Pat gives you a look, but says. “Okay, well. We’re gonna put a pin in that for now.” 

They write down “The shadow allegedly knows Pat” on a piece of paper and pin it on the board. 

“The shadow is currently playing guardian for you, though its true motives are unknown,” Pat says firmly. 

Well, you can argue about that later. 

“How am I connected to all of this?” Theo asks. 

“We were hired to investigate your... situation,” Pat says. 

“Why?” 

“It’s complicated,” Pat says, trying to sidestep the question. 

“Oh. Okay,” Theo accepts. 

Pat is clearly trying not to remind Theo that his own parents covered up his death. 

“So our only connection to you that we know of is that we’re psychics and you’re a ghost,” you say. 

Except… 

“But you’re also connected to the shadow somehow,” you add. 

Theo’s face scrunches in confusion. “How?” 

“Are you sure you want to tell him?” Pat asks, their face expressing disapproval. 

Theo has a right to know that he might have been possessed. But on the other hand it might scare him and there’s nothing he can do to avoid future possessions. 

Will you tell him?

Next

#choose your own adventure #interactive fiction #writeblr #original writing

[burningcollectionsandwich]

more of me (burningcollectionsandwich) being absolutely terrible at video games

ah yes, nothing like getting chased by a clown, gnomes stealing your stuff and getting mauled to death by a werewolf.......... oh well, at least i didnt get betrayed by the door this time

as you can probably tell, i get very overstimulated when i play this game (flipping love goosebumps)

-

heres what i was saying in the video (turn on the sound)

*heres murder the clown laughing, and decides to hide in the wardrobe, only for murder to appear right next to me* “*panicked gibberish* GET OUT THE DOOR- FLIPPING HELL!”

*gnome steals the page of the book* “NO ITS NICKED ANOTHER ONE OF ME THINGS, COME BACK” (quick side note: the word “nicked” means stolen/taken)

*breaks the gnome and takes back the page* “hurry up the clowns gonna kill me!” *runs straight into the werewolf* “*even more panicked gibberish* GAH! OH NO!”

*runs up the stairs* “oh great im gonna get killed by a flipping werewolf and now a clown” *turns around only to see werewolf coming up the stairs* “oh my GOD it can come up the stairs”

*runs into the bathroom and hides in the bath breathing a sigh of relief, only for murder the clown to appear right next to me and the werewolf to walk through the door* “nnNOO WHY!!! I’M DEAD! I’M DEAD! I CANT ESCAPE THIS!”

*proceeds to get killed by the wolf*

-

funny enough this is the first of 2 times i was ambushed by these two

i have more scenes of me being stupid while playing this game if anyone wants to see more of these

#goosebumps #goosebumps dead of night #The Werewolf of Fever Swamp #a nightmare of clown street #i honestly love this game

[meatbag-status]

ok guys, i’m gonna breathe new life into gorilla the bard. for now, she’s a gnome. i never picked an instrument for her, but i always envisioned a lute type deal so she could go full john belushi at the toga party on a motherfucker. but now that i’m seeing these options...i don’t know. yes, a lute is good for smashing, but a FLUTE? flute’s are good for bonking, stabbing, and sodomy...not that...i would ever, uh, SHE would ever do that, but you know...options. plus, woodwind players are fucking feral. i played flute in band from 5th grade til 9th grade and everyone else in that section was a fuckin anal psychopath. YES INCLUDING ME! i sucked ass, but i really REALLY wanted to be 3rd chair and i stopped at NOTHING to get it. first chair...i hated her. what a bitch. perfect little bitch. ok my point is, flute players...killers the lot of them. that fits gorilla.

then i was thinking of the lyre. the lyre has them strings with a decent bit of space from the uh...tldr, it looks like you could suffocate someone with the strings. nice, right? maybe dice their head through it? violin....no, that’s not gorilla, but that would be hella deceptive. you think of a violinist and it’s like “oh wow they’re so talented and expressive and omg what a genius,” and then there’s gorilla who has tiny hands and can’t play worth shit and just takes a dagger outta her back pocket and stabs you in the kidneys. she’s real good at playing the spoons, though. so this charlatan carries around a violin to make people think she’s some kinda professional musician who plays at fancy ass places and courts, but NO...she’s a fucking criminal piece of shit who will steal the silver.

i’m kinda leaning towards the flute because you can make those things burst ear drums if you’re angry enough and that’s an excellent dirty fight move. i wish i could attach a poll to this. I fucking forgot about the hand drum…oh god.

Edit: jk you can just loot other instruments and equip them nbd. BONGO TIME

#aklgjhjahwrghwarjghwargrhwghag HALF OF MY FAM CAUGHT COVID ON THIS TRIP AND I'M STUCK AT HOME AND I'M SO FUCKING BORED AND TIRED #AND I HAD LIKE 2 PANIC ATTACKS INTHE AIR PORT #AND CRIED IN THE AIRPORT BATHROOM #AND I'M STILL KINDA IN SHOCK AND RECOVERING 2 DAYS LATER FROM THAT NIGHTMARE #bg3

[godofstupidsentences]

Sometimes I just have to stop a moment because the idea of “bad boy” Jess Mariano stealing a gnome is overwhelming

#no but really #i laugh every time #why did he do that #did he just casually passed by Babette’s garden and think #“oh I’m gonna steal that gnome” #w h y #did he sneak at night and put it into a bag? #how did he manage to steal a gnome unnoticed- #a real bad boy #jess mariano #gilmore girls

[spunsugarmusings]

Old Man Henderson (The Director's Cut) Starter Sentences: Part 1

Change pronouns as necessary, TW for cursing, drug references, and religion bashing.

"(Blank) had no concept of collateral damage, or inside voice."

"I actually had to stop him from choking the fat bastard."

"I know you're thinking about leaving, but I want you to stay. I want you to watch what I'm going to do."

"I've done something. I'm not sure if it's a good thing yet."

"I've created? No, created is the wrong term; I feel like it was already there, waiting for me to give it life."

"Is (Blank) his first or last name?"

"Man, I don't even fucking know."

"You know, I still remember the first time I got high, in the back of my older brother's van. Must have been some good shit, too, because I was an only child."

"Man, where the fuck are my lawn gnomes?"

"MUCKLE DARMED CULT! WHERE THE NAMBLIES ARE YOU KEEPING ME WEE MEN?!"

“I think I’m the only one who truly understood what was about to happen.”

“It’s the ugliest fucking poodle ever, oh god!”

“Killing that many little people would probably constitute a hate crime.”

“I need a minute, or, ten.”

“I brought out the big guns; I don’t even think I have the small ones anymore. I think I was given some once, and promptly returned them. “Won’t be needing these,” I said.”

“So, when I last left the story, we had a dead shoggoth, a couple of MIA lawn gnomes, a burning building, and we’d just ordered some bitchin’ Chinese food.”

“I need a man who’s good at finding things, has no great love of religious loonies, and doesn’t mind shooting an ugly-ass poodle or two.”

I’m not saying it was cultists, but I’m pretty sure it was cultists. Or aliens, but that seems unlikely, given the circumstances.”

“The important part of a shot in pool is to make sure it’s smooth; take all the time you need to line up a shot, don’t let ‘em rush ya.”

“I’m gonna get the hell back in my car and leave the crazy-ass arsonist/murderer behind.”

“He asks, exasperated at the infuriatingly flawless logic of a complete asshole.”

“How do you fucking steal 40 thousand dollars in decorative lawn fixtures?”

“Any man who can afford to have forty grand in lawn gnomes lay around can write a paycheck.”

“Don’t tug on this particular string, (Blank), just. Don’t.”

“Smoking the giant book of Bad Juju was about the best thing to ever happen on accident.”

“They agree to join forces for the sake of cute girls next door and lawn gnomes everywhere.”

“Man, stakeouts are boring.”

“He does the only logical thing he could; he stole a fucking fuel truck.”

“Found out what the nasties are weak against. Point blank annihilation.”

#starter sentences #rp meme #askbox meme #inbox meme #roleplay meme #sentence starters #rp memes #ask box meme #sentence meme #starter prompt #old man henderson

[jeeperso]

D&D Quotes Without Context

Ravenloft Edition, Barovia Arc part 5

OOC: Jonni’s okay if this ends with her in a bikini strangling this dude with a chain. “We playing knifey forky?” “If you think legal documentation is gonna stop blood vengeance then you are super bad at your job.” “So… everyone working here a damned soul? I just wanna know how guilty I should feel.” "The Baron will suffice. Beings of my nature can't be too free with the names you understand." Gorbash: "They tend to be difficult to pronounce, too." Marshal: "For some reason, I think Jabba will suit you for tonight. That, or Cartman." "And more to the point, he is our host. Even here in the heart of the Domains of Dread, breaking his hospitality will owe a heavy price." “What hospitality? They tried to steal our souls and a daemon wants to eat us. That violates guest rights.” Meanwhile, Poom is still sitting at the table, apparently locked in conversation with the voices outside her head. I should note at this point dinner has been brought out for you. There is an inordinate amount of stuffing and wine among the offerings. Gorbash: "I feel like there's a subtle jab there." Baron: "I'm a gourmet. Sue me." Nyx: "Okay, we sue you for one get off the boat alive card." Yog-sothoth: "He's obviously got cards up his sleeves. Magically." OOC: I say we follow the path of Hawkeye and use The Power Carny. Nyarlathotep: "And this, dear Poom, is why you should always use cheat codes." Azathoth: "Wait, what difficulty setting are we on?" "I called upon the heart of the cards to get me the cards I needed to end this." Azathoth: "I summon Blue Eyes White Dragon!" “Wait… rules for playing stud poker? Why is this in the deck?” "To be fair, not many people play Paradox-Billiards-Hyperbole Chips Poker." "I have just the item for y'all." Gorbash: "How cursed is it?" Gnomes waves sheet of tin, whinnies like a horse. Tortle noises. “Mother fucker, if I wanted a wish that bad, I’d ask my girlfriend, and she doesn’t fuck me on the wish. We do that after. And usually before.” OOC: I blame the Valium. "No! Don't take it...too late. Darn it, Edmund. You just pulled an Edmund." GM OOC: Classic Edmund. Poom: "Azathoth says we should put it on a stick and use it as a mace." Gorbash: "We just gambled for our lives and won a cursed item. Play stupid games win stupid prizes." Poom pulls a stick and some Duck Tape out of her hole. Jonni turns to the statue: "Tell you what, you find someone else to bug, I won’t shove you up Eddie’s ass and glue it shut.” Poom: "Wait......Nyarlathotep is saying we should wish for it to fuck itself." Jonni: “Then there will be two of it. Malicious compliance is the term of the day.” "Saberhagen, known for its Berserkers." "Oh boy, from one potential being eaten scenario to another." OOC: You have only to ask Jonni to go to “SWEAR TO ME!” Mode. “Fair warning, we run into any animal worship shit stains in these mountains, there’s a higher than usual chance I’ll light them all on fire.” "Plate armor gets chilly if you don't pad it right." “We got furs we need to treat. Did Marsh give away the cart?” "No, Marshal behaved while you were gone. Didn't even go to buy apples from a little old lady. Though with all the fairy tales that have those in them it is probably a good idea." “Was she hot?” "Little old lady." “Okay, but was she hot?” Marshal: "I am certain that had i purchased her wares, my own curse would have afflicted them." Gorbash: "So they'd be wrapped in bacon, covered in caramel, and deep fried?" An apple, on a stick, covered in candy coating, covered in nuts, wrapped in Bacon, covered with Oreos, dipped in caramel, covered in chocolate pretzels, covered in marshmallows, dipped in pizza sauce, covered with Mozeralla cheese, covered with batter, then deep fried. OOC: Okay even Gorbash is a little hesitant on that one. He'd probably still eat it but he'd pause and debate if its worth it. OOC2: Poom would wonder why they bothered with the apple. “Marsh, next mid-winter, I’m getting you a cookbook.” GM: They tried that, it burst into flames the moment he touched it. “This one shall be sacred of Ramsey, lord of the kitchens of Hell.” “Right, let’s get going. We got an old man to be attacked by and then murder.” “And a coffin to deliver." “The snow blows bright on the mountain tonight… Not a footprint to be seen.” "Edmund, please avoid that song, it tends to summon a blizzard while in mountains." "Hi ho, hi ho, off to the temple we go. Finally finish this quest, then have a long rest. Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho, hi ho." Edmund checks for any signs of doors to goblin town. Gorbash: "I hate dealing with competent enemies. Give me stupid and arrogant any day." OOC: Oh crud, Jonni is going to hit on her. Jonni looks up, and up and up. “Shit. I may be too gay for this…” OOC: If this look bad, Jonni is polymorphing Sergei into a fly. "As for who I am, you may refer to me as Madam D. The leader of VLAD." “I’M JONNI! I WANT TO MOTORBOAT YOU!” "I get that a lot." "He also stole something from me." “Please tell me it was a pair of pumps?” "The thing in the coffin, I summoned to kill Strahd." "Yeah it kind of ate a town." “And I’m no longer horny, because your plan is that dumb.” At Nyx’s direction she turns Sergei into a bird. “Go, Sergei! And teach a dinosaur to ride a bike!” OOC: Can’t wait to use Faust. OOC2: Poom can't wait to use Faust as the head of her new mace. OOC: Jonni is neither bluffing, nor will use lube.

#dungeons and dragons #dnd 5e #quotes without context #ravenloft #barovia

[peach-the-owl]

A platonic one with Vox Machina and the Might Nein where the reader is a dancer/bard/entertainer and the group is a little tight in money or whatever reason so they go off and perform to help out in some way. The groups didn't know so they kind of state at them with jaws dropped

May have gotten slightly carried away, especially on that second scenario, but I had fun with it (might even continue a small story off it, who knows). This should be interesting, I hope this turns out well…… Enjoy 😁

Payed Preformance

Mighty Nein, Vox Machina & Reader (Platonic)

Mighty Nein

Just starting up in the adventuring business has proven to be very tricky, especially when it comes to making and managing money.

"No matter how we try it, there’s just no way we can afford enough rooms for everyone." Beau scratches the back of her head as she recounts your small amount of coin the group had for like the fifteenth time.

"We could always steal some." Nott points out.

"I don’t reckon that to be a good idea, we're tryin' to be in these people’s good graces remember." Fjord counters, rubbing at his temples.

"Just a friendly suggestion." Nott shrugs, clearly still plotting to actually do it. Everyone starts discussing what to do next, you let out a small sigh.

"I have an idea, that doesn’t involve stealing." You speak up, gaining the group’s attention. They stare at you in silence, waiting for you to continue and explain. You look away a second and take a breath. "Look just… just trust me on this."

"Hey, if it’ll help, I say go for it." Beau encourages. You give a nod, stand from your chair and leave the tavern with the group following behind curiously. As you look for a nice open spot you also dig around in your bag until you grasp the item you’re searching for, pulling out a small lute.

"I didn’t know you played!" You hear Jester pipe in, you turn to her and give her a smile and a small laugh.

"I don’t, I’m not the one who’ll be playing it." You get some confused looks, you just roll your eyes playfully and cast Unseen Servant, whispering your command to it whilst handing over the lute. Music begins to play and you start performing some fine acrobatics and contortionist abilities, quickly gaining a crowd as you did. Soon enough people start tossing their spare change, as they do you up the ante of the music and your performance baiting people to want to toss more coin your way just to see what you would do next. The whole time you can see at the corner of your eye the Nein staring in awe, as a grand finale you kick off a wall, do a tumble roll through the air and cast Prestidigitation to make a small fireworks display go off behind you. There’s a pause before the crowd you'd drawn in starts to clap and cheer a few "good show" being yelled here and there, you gather your spoils into your bag and walk over to the group.

"Will this do?" You ask, holding you bag open for them to inspect. Caleb stares into the bag giving a quick head count.

"I believe this’ll do just fine." He comments. There’s a small awkward silence that soon falls onto the group.

"Alright, since no one else wants to ask the question that’s on all our minds, I’ll do it myself." Molly quickly breaks away from the silence and looks to you. "Where did you learn how to do that?" You give a sigh.

"You know, you and Yasha aren’t the only ones who lived with a circus." You say somewhat matter-of-factly.

"Oh now that’s a story I have to hear." He perks up and gets uncomfortably close to your face until you shove him away.

"How about first we actually go through how much coin we *cough* I *cough* earned, then I might tell my story." You exaggerate on the might as a means to say you weren’t going to willingly give away your life story. Before anyone has the chance to say or ask you anything else you turn and make your way back into the tavern.

Vox Machina

"Alright! What did you boneheads do!" The doors to the tavern slam open and a very angry Vex marches her way over to the table giving a hard glare towards Grog and Scanlan. You, Keyleth and Percy all share a look then sit back and take a swig from your drinks ready to watch the show unfold.

"I have no idea what you’re talking about." The gnome tried to play things off smoothly, it didn’t work.

"Really." She raises an unconvinced eyebrow at him. "Well then I’m sure you have a perfectly good explantion for where that gaudy belt you’re wearing came from." You have to hold back a laugh at Scanlan's obvious discomfort. Vax comes and places an arm around his sister's shoulder.

"Hey relax, I’m sure it can’t be that bad." She eyes him a moment.

"Right… that’s a nice new cloak you got there. Where’d that come from?" Vex asks suspiciously. Vax then slowly removes his arm from her shoulder and she lets out a sigh. "Until we can sort this out you’re all banned from taking any money." You and Keyleth both nearly choke on your drinks.

"Come on Vex, don’t throw us into this mess. We’re not the ones who did anything wrong." You try to reason. She turns to you and pinches at the bridge of her nose.

"Look, I’m not trying to be the bad guy here, but we barely have enough gold for rooms and a meal." You let the words sink in, contemplating if you should suggest the idea that popped into you head or begrudgingly go along without spending money. When you come to your conclusion you take a deep breath to spike yourself up.

"What if I told you I had a way we could make back… at least a good some of the gold we’d lost." Everyone looks at you curiously.

"Please, by all means." You nod, chug down the rest of your drink and stand up walking around the table.

"Scanlan I’m borrowing you for a moment." You say grabbing the gnome by the collar of his shirt without letting him answer. You head out to find an open space on the road and place him down once you do.

"What was that for?" Scanlan asks, brushing himself off.

"I have a special request, if you don’t mind." He raises an interested eyebrow at you. You whisper to him your request and give an expectant look. "Think you could do that for me?"

"You got it!" He shoots you some finger guns then pulls out his instrument to help fulfil your request. You wave your hand letting the magic shimmer over you, changing your outfit to something more fitting and wait for your cue. Already a curious crowd starts to form around you, and when the music hits your ears you begin to move your body perfectly in time with the notes. As the song plays you match your movements with each note as if your body was a physical interpretation of the song itself. People start to toss gold and silver coin your way, some cheers and whistles being heard amongst the crowd, all the while you do what you can to repress any memories that try to resurface themselves, you were not gonna let the past ruin this for you. When the song is finally done you give a bow to the crowd breathing heavily to catch your breath, they all clap, cheer and some toss even a few extra coin your way. Once you’ve finally regained a normal breathing pattern and the crowd had dispersed you look back to the group, seeing them all jaw dropped.

"You’ve got quite the talent there." Scanlan says astonished. You give a light laugh, waving your hand as you do to change your outfit back to the way it was before.

"Where in blazes did that come from?" Grog asks, confused by your secret talent.

"That was incredible." Percy compliments.

"Where did you learn to dance like that?" Vax questions.

"You have to teach me how to dance sometime!" Keyleth quickly jumps in excitedly.

"Whoa, whoa slow down everyone, please." You hold your arms up defensively. "Look, it’s no big deal. Does that help make up some lost change?" You quickly change the subject, directing your attention over to Vex as she finishes collecting the last of the coin people left behind.

"I certainly does. I too am curious though as to where you learned to dance like that?" Vex reiterates her brothers question.

"Eh, it was a long time ago really. I don’t really dwell too much on it though." You wave them off.

"Well now I'd like to know too." Percy raises an eyebrow your way. You let out a sigh.

"Right, and I’m famished after all that. Can’t we just head back into the tavern and enjoy ourselves?" You ask, avoiding the question. Realizing they wouldn’t be getting a straight answer from you they all nod.

"You know what you need to really hammer home a job well done?" Grog gives you a big goofy smile, you knew where this was going but look at him curiously nonetheless. "A nice big mug of ale. Come on then!" He gives you a hardy laugh and a pat on the back, his immense strength making you have to catch yourself from falling to the ground.

#critical role #mighty nein #the mighty nein #vox machina #caleb widogast #jester lavorre #beauregard lionett #yasha nydoorin #nott the brave #mollymauk tealeaf #caduceus clay #fjord #fjord stone #vax'ildan #vex'ahlia #percy de rolo #pike trickfoot #scanlan shorthalt #keyleth #cr grog #nothing romantic here #critical role & reader #mighty nein & reader #vox machina & reader

[vexing-imogen]

the persistence of 10/10

read from beginning | read on ao3

They all say their goodbyes at the Sun Tree as the midday sun tries to break through the chill in the air. Keyleth wishes they could stay together a few days more, but they’ve all got their responsibilities, and she especially needs to return to Zephrah. Besides, it’s not like they ever go very long without seeing each other. Vex and Percy’s anniversary is coming up, and Kaylie’s graduation isn’t too far behind. And Keyleth’s magic makes it easy enough for her to just pop in for a visit if she’s ever feeling lonely.

Still, saying goodbye to family is always hard.

She’s sending Grog and the gnomes home to Westruun before leaving for Zephrah. They’re just waiting on Pike. Vex had pulled her aside, just out of earshot, about ten minutes ago, promising that they’d be quick. Keyleth can’t read lips the way Vex can, but she can tell that it’s an emotional conversation. Pike is definitely crying, and she’d be willing to bet her antlers that Vex is too.

“Copper for your thoughts?”

She turns to Percy with a shrug and a smile. “Oh, you know,” she says casually. “Just happy that everything turned out okay.”

He nods in agreement, relief evident in his eyes, his smile. “We would have made it work,” he says. “If things had gone differently. We would have found a way to make it work, I have no doubt.” He sighs deeply. “But I am so fucking glad we don’t have to.”

Keyleth leans her head on Percy’s shoulder, wraps an arm around him. “I’m gonna miss you guys.”

He chuckles. “Aren’t you coming back in two weeks for that banquet?”

“That’s not the point, Percy.”

“I know.” He’s quiet for a moment. “We’ll miss you too.”

A light clanking announces Pike’s arrival, and she beams up at them, despite her red-rimmed eyes and runny nose. “Okay, we’re all set. Sorry to keep you guys waiting.”

“I would quite literally wait forever for you, Pike,” Scanlan says, taking her hand. “But it will be nice to be home.” He turns to Keyleth, Percy, and Vex with a grin. “I love you guys, but let’s keep the mortal peril to a minimum next time, alright?”

Vex rolls her eyes. “We love you too, Scanlan,” she says, only mildly sarcastic

“See you guys soon,” Keyleth says, concentrating on the tree in Wilhand’s backyard and opening the portal for them to run through. Grog is the last one through, and then the portal closes and they’re gone.

“I guess it’s my turn,” she says after a minute.

Vex wraps her in a tight hug, and Keyleth feels a tear drip onto her collarbone. “Thank you,” she says. “For...everything. I told Pike the same thing, I don’t know how I would have gotten through this without you all here.”

“Anytime.” She catches the scent of blood still in Vex’s hair, and the question is spilling out before she can fully think it through. “When you were in there did you, um, did you see...”

A nod. More tears.

“What did he-”

Vex shakes her head. “I can’t right now,” she says, her voice catching. “Ask me again in two weeks?”

Keyleth nods. She can do that. She can wait. “Yeah. Two weeks.”

She kisses Vex on the cheek, gives Percy a proper hug, and then turns to the Sun Tree. “I’ll see you soon,” she says, even as she’s opening the portal to Zephrah and stepping through. She turns just before it closes, and watches Percy take Vex’s hand and start leading her home.

=============================================================

“Percy? Can I tell you something?”

It is far, far later than she was intending to start this conversation. Her plan had been to tell him while they were washing the blood from her hair, but Vesper had been fussy, and he’d spent most of the time she was in the bath trying to get a cranky toddler to nap. After that, it had been a snowballing of interruptions and inconveniences and responsibilities, and quite frankly, she’s feeling a little annoyed with the universe in general right now.

It’s late now, though, near midnight. They’re in the library, Vex stretched out on one of the couches, her head in Percy’s lap as he reads and plays with her hair. He marks his page and puts his book down at her question, turning his focus entirely on her.

“Of course, dear,” he replies, his voice soft. “Whatever you need.”

He thinks she wants to talk about Vax and the temple. Which...well she does, eventually. Just not right now. It’s too fresh, too new, she hasn’t had time to sort out how she feels about it just yet.

“It isn’t about Vax,” she says, and the hand in her hair pauses for just a moment. She takes that moment to sit up, kneeling on the couch beside him. “Um, do you remember our last night in Emon? Before this whole amnesia fiasco. Do you remember what I told you?”

He smiles. “I do. You told me you had a secret to share, but that you wanted to wait to tell me until we were home. And alone.”

“Well, this certainly qualifies, doesn’t it?” She bites her lip, not sure why she’s suddenly so nervous. They’ve discussed this. They want this. They’ve been trying for this. A lot. “Percy. I’m pregnant.”

“Really?” His voice cracks, eyes filling with tears. He’s staring at her with an expression of such awe and happy disbelief that it steals her breath.

“Yeah,” she confirms. “I realized I was maybe halfway into our trip, but I didn’t want to just blurt it out in some hotel room. And then, well. I forgot that I was for a few days.”

“It might have been for the best that I didn’t know?” he says, slightly manic. “That may have actually been what tipped the scales and sent you running.”

She ducks her head. “You’re probably right.”

“You would have come back.”

Vex looks up at him, at her husband. Her wonderful, charming, delightful bastard of a husband, who looks at her like she’s the sun. The man who has vowed to love her and care for her and protect her, and has never once broken that promise.

There are no words she can offer him in this moment, so she simply kisses him. Lets him pull her into his lap so they can celebrate the life they’re building, the family they’re growing.

She’s never going to forget this.

#critical role #critfic #vox machina #perc'ahlia #vex'ahlia #percy de rolo #FINAL CHAPTER

[sushigal007]

It’s Monty time!

Patrizio: Can I put the cheese platters in a grilled sandwich or is this useless?

His age bar was looking a bit shit and we’re nowhere near completing his horrible LTW of raising 20 puppies/kittens, so! Elixir!

We’re also not making much progress with Isabella’s 5 top businesses, but at least she still owns the single one she has, so she doesn’t have to start out at level 1. (Honestly might do the cheaty thing of letting it get up to level 10 and then deliberately lose a star.) Isabella: I know, gnomes get stolen all the time. But when thieves are stealing your gnomes, you know what they’re not stealing? Everything else in your house! It’s basically burglar decoy! Amber: I’ll take ten!

But of course, last time I played this lot, I had Mercutio and Romeo to help out. Patrizio’s here, but he’s busy in the garden and at level 7, the shop is too much for Isabella to handle alone. So I hired some rando to do the restocking.

It’s been a long day, so Isabella snacks on coffee beans to give her enough energy to walk home.

Patrizio: You seem like a sophisticated fellow, what cheese would you recommend in a grilled cheese sandwich? Vampire: I didn’t even eat that rubbish when I was alive.

Patrizio: He wouldn’t even discuss Edam. Isabella: And neither will I.

Turns out dissing his favourite food has put Patrizio right off sex. Isabella: What if I let you eat it off my naked body? Patrizio: It’s the principle of the thing.

Remember Artemis? Probably not. Isabella: That’s right, dance for me!

Romeo brought Ripp home from school, which I’m sure is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship.

Or at least it would be, if I wasn’t kicking him out to uni. Romeo: Please don’t tell me you’re going to turn my room into a kitten farm. Patrizio: I won’t tell you.

We do need the space though. Diana might be tiny and adorable, but we need nineteen more of her.

I will regret this. Isabella: I already do.

There is no reason for me to screencap this other than it’s completely adorable, so here ya go!

Less adorable.

Isabella: Uhhh... didn’t we just plant like, 30 tomato plants? Shit, you’re right. Which one of you has the highest aspiration? Isabella: Patrizio just ate a grilled cheese sandwich, so he’s gonna be gold for at least an hour. Perfect.

Patrizio: Let’s get some sunshine over here.

But you know what would help his aspiration more? Kittens! And after about three days of trying, Artemis and Luna finally agree to do the nasty and by nasty, I mean the state of this pet house.

And Isabella got a job. The uniform apparently includes a wig.

Gardener: I hope you weren’t expecting me to do literally anything else in your garden today, sir.

Artemis wouldn’t be starving if Artemis had eaten the damn Jamma Hamma.

Oh look, it’s everyone’s favourite dolphin tank cleaner, Lazlo Curious.

I tried looking for a new bees gif and couldn’t find one. So here’s the bees gif. Because. Bees.

Much safer.

I can’t see what Artemis is trying to catch so I’m going to assume it’s even more bees.

And Diana grew up! Which means we have successfully raised 1/20 kittens and it’s time to evict her to make room for new ones.

Only it turns out Isabella is utterly distraught by this. When she first started bawling, I honest-to-God thought Patrizio had died.

Only he came running out to sob at the car as well. I very nearly quit without saving. But they do need the space.

Isabella: We found a way to deal with our grief. I’ll leave you to it.

Isabella: COUGH COUGH Uh... are you sick? You can’t be sick, surely, I never saw a pop-up. Isabella: Must be allergies.

Uh... free fertilizer, yay?

In genuine yay, we have three new kittens! Sticking with Sailor Moon, their names are uhhhhhh.... brb. SimPE: Jadeite and Kunzite. Where’s Zoisite? SimPE: shrug emoji OK... I’m sure this won’t ever be a problem, thanks!

And it turns out Artemis is the mother, not Luna, oops! Ah well, never mind, their kittens are no less adorable.

But as the creator of InTeen knew, where one life begins, another must end NOPE NOT REALLY PATRIZIO WAKE UP!

Secret Sue: Here’s an invitation to my secret kitchen, congrats! Isabella: *pained death rattle* Secret Sue: Is this a bad time? This seems like a bad time.

Patrizio: Pleeeeeease don’t take my wife! I need her help with the garden!

Grim: You know the drill.

Patrizio: YASS SUCK IT, DEATH! Grim: I don’t know why I give you lot second chances, you’re all such poor winners.

Patrizio: I’m hungry. Isabella: I’m alive! Grim: Even better, you’re cured.

Patrizio: You better be cured, I’ll be very upset if this hug kills me.

Patrizio wasn’t kidding about the garden though. He spends every waking hour out there, along with the gardener, and it’s still not enough.

Time to get some more hands on deck! Beatrice: A family reunion, what fun!

And after a few hours of influencing and weeding and talking the plants out of imminent death, we finally manage to harvest a few! Hurrah!

Isabella: We’re not doing this again until that greenhouse is finished. That’s fair.

UBERHOOD INDEX

#sims 2 #premades #Uberhood #monty

[a-solitary-marshmallow]

Rewind Chapter 5 - Finding Stan

Ford’s hands were shaking as he dialed. He clutched at the phone, whispering “Come on, come on!” with every ring.

Finally, on the sixth ring, there was a click. “Stanford?”

“Is Stanley with you?” Ford rushed out. There was a hesitation from the other side of the line.

“I… no, Stanley’s not-” Fiddleford’s voice turned shrill. “Ford, ya lost yer brother???”

“No! I, well. Yes? I don’t know, Fiddleford, he was here when I went down to the basement but now he’s gone and I’ve searched the whole house, he’s not here!”

“How long were you gone for?” Fiddleford demanded.

“Only a few hours.”

“A few-” Fiddleford spluttered. “Ya shoulda just had me stay if you were gonna leave ‘im alone again!”

“I didn’t mean to leave him for so long, I lost track of time! F, please.”

Fiddleford groaned. “Alright, alright. Here’s what we’re gonna do. You’re gonna start searchin’ the woods around your house. I’m gonna ask around town, see if ‘e came down here. And we’ll call when one of us finds ‘im. Alright?”

“Yes. Yes, thank you.” Ford stammered.

Fiddleford hung up with a click, leaving Ford alone. Ford made it outside before realizing he wasn’t wearing a jacket and it was freezing outside, he needed to get his jacket – and something for Stan too. Had Stan taken a jacket? No, of course not, Ford didn’t have one that would fit him which meant the child was alone and underdressed in the snow and even if nothing else happened to him he could still freeze to death. How could Ford have left him alone?

“Hey Ford, look what I got!”

“Not now, Stanley.” Ford waved his hand dismissively at the approaching child, unwilling to be pulled away from his panic as he paced on the front porch. There was no time to be distracted, not while his brother was in danger–

Wait.

“STANLEY!”

Stan let out a little yelp as Ford grabbed him, snatching his brother tight against him. Stan had come from the forest, judging by the trail of footprints leading from the tree line. He was shivering in Ford’s arms. Ford barged through the door and slammed it shut behind him, placing his brother on the living room carpet to inspect him.

“Geez, Ford! I’m fine!” Stan whined. A jacket far too big for him was bunched up around him and his feet were shoved into a pair of Ford’s boots (resourceful, a part of Ford noted) but he was still snow-dusted and shivering.

“Where were you? Do you have any idea how worried I was?” Ford demanded. “What were you doing out there?”

Stan laughed, showing a mouth with less teeth than there used to be. “I got fairy dust from a gnome! ‘Course, then the other unicorns saw me and I had to skedaddle, but I got the hair!” He brandished it in one fist triumphantly.

“Other unicorns – but – she said she was the last –” Ford shook his head quickly to clear it. “Never mind. Are you hurt?” Ford pulled his brother closer to inspect him, Stan wriggling and whining as he did so. His face and arms were all scratched up and his lower lip was swollen, a trickle of dried blood down his chin from when a tooth must have been knocked out. His jaw was beginning to darken in a nasty-looking bruise. “Stanley, what happened?”

“I toldja! One of the unicorns got me in the face but I got outta there quick. You were right Ford, unicorns are jerks. I take back everything I said about liking ‘em. And now you’ve got the hair you can do your spell thing, right?”

For the first time Ford comprehended the clump of shimmering rainbow hair in his brother’s tiny fist. “You… you got the hair?”

Stan nodded happily. “Yeah! You said you needed it and that unicorns are mean, and your book said how to find them. So I got it for you.” He held it out with a huge gap-toothed grin. Ford could do nothing but stare.

Slowly Stan’s grin crept away, one arm wrapping around himself self-consciously.

“Ford? Did – did I do something wrong?”

All at once life returned to Ford’s limbs and he forced himself into action, offering a small smile and carefully prying the unicorn hair from Stan’s fist. “No, Stanley. Well – you should have told me where you were going. In fact, you shouldn’t have gone out alone at all.” Stan shrunk a little. “But this is very helpful, so overall I would say you did rather well. Provided we don’t make this a repeat performance.”

“…so I’m not in trouble?”

“No, you’re not in trouble.” Ford didn’t even know what that would look like. Stan wasn’t in his right mind – Ford had to be extremely gentle with him right now. He had no idea what disciplinary measures would do to the wobbly balance they had struck.

And anyway, he was too elated to be angry for long. They had the hair, which meant Ford could protect his house from Bill and finally get some much-needed sleep. Once he was rested he would be able to come up with a game plan to defeat the one-eyed menace once and for all.

Ford straightened up, dusting the last few snowflakes from his brother’s hair. “I have a barrier to set up. Now, where did I put those moonstones?” A stray thought hit him. “Oh yes, I should call Fiddleford and let him know that you’re safe. He… will not be pleased with me.”

“Fidds is here?” Stan perked up.

“No, not here. I’ll call him in a moment, once we construct this barrier. Would you like to help me?”

“Sure!” Stan beamed at him again. Ford took a moment to study his brother’s rudimentary snow protection (boots and a jacket too big for him, evidently fished out of Ford’s closet, with sleeves rolled up to half length and still dropping down over his hands, and huge boots threatening to slip off with every step). Stan was lucky the ensemble held up during his escapade into unicorn territory. Those horns were sharp – who knew what the unicorns could have done if Stanley had stuck around?

But Stan had done it for a reason, and that reason was currently clutched in Ford’s hand. He shook his head quickly to clear it and hurried to collect the other ingredients he would need. Once the ingredients were assembled Ford grabbed the glue and rushed out to set up the barrier, Stan hot on his heels.

“See, we need to glue the hair down here – like so – to form a ring around the house. This way Bill cannot enter.”

“Mmkay.” Stan peered around him to watch as Ford began pasting down the unicorn hairs. “Uh, who’s Bill?”

Dang it. Ford sighed. Well, he would have to tell Stanley at some point, it may as well be now… “He’s – a very dangerous person, Stan. This barrier is going to protect us from him. He won’t be able to cross it.”

Stan frowned down at the fine line of rainbow hairs. “…are ya sure about that? Seems pretty easy to get past to me.”

“I’m very sure. Bill isn’t human, like you and I. He’s a demon. A dream demon, to be precise.”

“Oh! Is he that guy with yellow eyes you were talkin’ about? The one I’m not supposed to make deals with?”

Ford shifted to the next spot, talking as he worked. “Yes, exactly. Bill is a very powerful entity who claims to be a benevolent muse, but anything he says he will give you is a lie. Do you know those stories Ma used to tell us, the ones where people would make deals with the devil and they’d get everything they asked for, but in some twisted, sick way?” Stan nodded. “That’s Bill.”

“…oh. Okay.”

Ford worked in silence for quite some time before his brother spoke up again.

“Hey, Ford?”

“Yes Stanley?” Ford didn’t look up from gluing down the unicorn hair.

“We don’t go sailing, do we?”

Ford very nearly froze. As it was, he continued to construct the barrier as his mind raced to come up with an appropriate answer.

He doubted that Stan would accept a lie and be placated – Ford was a terrible liar and Stan always seemed to know when he wasn’t being honest. He’d have to tell the truth. He could only hope that his brother wouldn’t throw a fit at having his childish dream denied.

“…no. We don’t go sailing.” Ford said carefully.

“Oh.” Stan paused. “Does the Stan O’ War get out of Jersey at least?”

“No. It was too small, anyway; by the time we grew large enough to sail it was far too small to support us in the open ocean.”

“You are pretty big.” With that Stan nodded thoughtfully and went back to watching Ford construct the barrier. Ford waited for more questions, but… that was it? He’d expected a larger reaction.

Ford cleared his throat. “Forgive me, Stanley, but at this age…” In reality it was at any age but Stan didn’t need to know that, “I thought you would be more upset.” Stan sent him an odd look, and Ford elaborated. “The two of us sailing away on a boat has always been your dream.”

Stan rolled his eyes. “Well, duh, but it’s not about the boat.”

Ford blinked. “It’s… not?”          

“No! C’mon ya dummy, treasure’s cool and all, but I just wanna do something with you!” Stan grinned and punched him lightly. “It’s okay that we don’t go sailing because we get to do this! Whatever ‘this’ is.” He shrugged. “Monster hunting…? Monster-science-people. Science – tology? Scientology?”

Ford clapped a hand over his brother’s mouth. “Nope, nope, that’s already a thing and we do not speak of it. Try again.”

Stan giggled and shoved his hand away. “Ugh, you know what I mean! This thing!” He waved wildly at the woods around them. “Stuff with unicorns and cool creepy labs and – whatever that thing is.” He pointed to a gnome waddling out of the underbrush. “Holy – Sixer, what is that? Is that one of those gnomes from your book?”

“Yes it is. They’re relatively harmless so long as you don’t interfere with their queen or try to steal their hats. They’re rather sensitive about the hats.”

With Stan occupied with the gnomes, Ford was able to quickly finish setting up the barrier. As the final piece fell into place an iridescent sheen flickered across the house, a smattering of symbols glowing across the shimmering barrier before it faded into the air from whence it came. Ford let out a shaky breath of relief.

“There. Bill won’t be able to reach us inside.”

Stan clomped up to him in too-big boots, a couple brown beard hairs clutched in his fist. “Hey Sixer, does gnome hair work too?”

“No. Now come inside and wash your hands, you don’t know where that’s been.” Ford placed a hand on his brother’s back to hurry him along but the screeching of brakes made him tense. It was only when he recognised Fiddleford’s beaten-up buggy zooming into view that he allowed himself to relax. Though… Fiddleford was travelling quite fast for his regular, cautious style of driving. The buggy pulled up sharply and a disheveled-looking Fiddleford clambered out, red in the face.

“Fidds!” Stan called out happily. Fiddleford stomped over and Ford began to feel like a zebra watching a fast-approaching lion. He… probably should have called earlier to let his friend know that Stanley was safe.

Fiddleford let out a gasp when he noticed the child’s bruised face. “My word – Stanley, are ya alright? Ya look like ya went head-to-head with a feral cat!”

Stan beamed up at the man, who seemed to flinch when he noticed the missing tooth. “I’m fine, you should see the other guy!”

“…I’m sure he’s hurtin’.” Fiddleford sent Ford a glare, which – yeah, he probably deserved. Ford coughed awkwardly.

“Yes. I apologize for not calling you earlier. I had to set up the barrier as soon as possible…” He rubbed the back of his neck at the dry stare he received. “And I’m sorry for waking you up. No one is hurt, so you can go back home-”

“I’m not leavin’ you two alone again!” Fiddleford scolded. “Not if yer just gonna get into more trouble. No, I’m stayin’ right here until this age debacle is over, understood?”

“…Understood.” Ford echoed. “But – can we at least go inside first, where it’s safe?”

Fiddleford nodded and then turned to Stan, who had taken a nervous step back at the tension in the air. He relaxed slightly at the kind, if somewhat brittle, smile Fiddleford sent his way.

“Let’s get out of the cold, shall we?”

 _______________________________________________________________

Sleep had been a luxury Ford had not been able to afford for weeks. Luckily, that meant that as soon as he relaxed and his head hit the pillow, he was out like a light. By the time he awoke the clock by his bed read eight-twenty in the evening and his window was dark.

Ford stretched, yawning hard as his mind slowly surfaced from thick, dreamless slumber. For a moment panic struck him and he sat bolt-upright in bed – before the memories of that morning trickled through and he remembered the barrier.

We’re safe. Bill can’t get to me. Stan and Fiddleford and I are safe.

Speaking of the others, there was clattering going on across the house that sounded promisingly like pots and pans being moved. Ford’s stomach grumbled at him.

The sleep must have done him some good at least because at least his head wasn’t complaining anymore – his constant headache was all but gone. Even better, his mind no longer felt fuzzy and vague. In fact he could probably recite the digits of pi right now without getting dizzy! Ford did so in his mind as he made his way to the kitchen.

Fiddleford looked up from stirring a pot of soup as Ford approached. “Ah, Stanford. Come on and get some dinner, yer right on time. Stanley here was just tellin’ me about the unicorns.”

On a chair at the kitchen table, Stanley seemed to be in the middle of a dramatic reenactment, which – for some reason – involved a butterfly net, the saltshaker, and a too-big Hawaiian shirt.

“-so the gnome police have this thing about butterflies, right? Hi Ford! Okay, so this Smell-ulock guy let me borrow his net if I caught his escaped squirrel, and that took forever but I got the net – I gotta give that back to him at some point – and man Fidds, butterflies are hard to catch!”

Ford settled down at the table with a bowl of soup, letting the chatter wash over him. The rich, savoury scent made his mouth water. Before he realized it he’d already bolted half of it down, mouth and throat burning slightly from the scalding temperature. Fiddleford ‘tsk’ed.

“Didja sleep alright?” The other man asked once Ford paused to take a breath.

“Quite well, thank you. Having the barrier up is a welcome relief.”

“That barrier means the triangle guy can’t mess with our heads anymore, right?” Stan sat down in his chair with a plop, dropping his assorted props on the table. Ford nodded in affirmation.

“Right.”

“So what does unicorn hair have against demons anyway?” Stan asked curiously. Ford swallowed his last spoonful of soup and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before speaking.

“It acts as a protective force against evil and those with ill-intent.”

“So, if I went to punch someone but they had a bunch a’ unicorn hair, it would stop me?”

“Erm – not quite. It can help to ward against demons, though.” Stan opened his mouth to ask another question but Ford beat him to it with the answer. “It seems to have a kind of purpose and sentience, to be able to target demons and mind-invaders specifically, but I haven’t been able to study it before now so I haven’t the foggiest idea how or why.”

“But it hurts demons, right? Like Bill!” Stan jumped up on his chair again and flung a punch at some imaginary foe. “Can’t you just use your smarts to make a giant unicorn-hair-laser-gun-missile-launcher thing? And then we’ll blow ‘im right outta the sky!”

Ford snorted at his brother’s exuberance. “If only it were that simple. Unicorn hair isn’t the only ingredient in the barrier spell; there’s moonstone and mercury as well, and anyway, the whole thing merely acts as a shield. It might be able to do some damage to Cipher if I alter the formula and substitute… hmm, foxglove?” Yes, that could theoretically work, especially if he combined spells. “But there’s no way to deliver the final product to him, he’s too slippery. We’d need to manufacture some kind of… gun…”

Ford stopped.

“…actually, that might work.”

#writing #my writing #my fic #chapter 5 #gravity falls #rewind #the stans

[anistarrose]

Chapter Summary: Barry gets a job offer. Kravitz sees a new side of the moon. Taako has a long-overdue chat with his umbrella.

Characters: Kravitz, Taako, Barry Bluejeans, Angus McDonald, Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, Noelle | No-3113, The Raven Queen, The Director | Lucretia, misc. BoB cameos, Julia Burnsides, Garyl

Relationships: Taakitz, Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans & Kravitz, Kravitz & Angus McDonald

Lately, I’ve been thinking of this fic as a story told in two acts. They’re not necessarily going to be equal in length, but this chapter is definitely the end of Act One.

***

“That’s basically the whole story, Your Majesty,” Kravitz concluded, after several minutes of talking at speeds that no being who needed to breathe could hope to match. Barry and Noelle stood on either side of him, mustering the most innocent expressions he’d ever seen on the faces of a lich or a robot, respectively. “Not that I’d blame you for having follow-up questions, because… well, holy shit.”

Holy shit, indeed, the Raven Queen agreed. A projected image of her visage was floating above a circle of five perfect raven feathers, having been carefully arranged on the cave floor by Kravitz. Istus said we were approaching unprecedented times, but…

She sighed. Well, I must admit that with the apparent exception of Istus, we gods hardly think about what lies outside our planar system. It’s… inconvenient, uncomfortable, how we hold so much power in this world yet understand so little about what’s beyond it. This threat, this Hunger, is news even to me — but didn’t you already know that, Barry, from all the Celestial Planes you’ve seen invaded before?

Barry nodded. “Yeah. I never saw stuff like that directly, of course, but Merle’s a cleric, so… he had his ways of knowing it was never a pretty picture.”

The Raven Queen let out a sigh, like wind escaping from beneath a whole flock’s wings. Then I have more important things to do than reconcile your undeath with the laws of this world, and you have more important things to do than defend yourself to me. Barry, Noelle, you are free to go at least until the apocalypse is averted — but if we get through that, and only then, I’d like you to start thinking about accepting jobs in the Astral Plane. Whatever state the world is in after the Hunger arrives, Kravitz and I will probably need your help.

Barry went dead silent, while Noelle’s whole display lit up with excitement.

“Are we talking afterlife office jobs,” she asked, “or something more along the lines of what Kravitz does?”

“We’ve got plenty of open positions, honestly,” Kravitz explained. “You could probably pick either.”

“Huh,” Barry finally muttered, so soft that Kravitz could’ve missed it. “I — I appreciate the offer, but — I gotta know one thing before I even consider it. Will I have to — to bring in any of my family? Anyone from the Starblaster?”

I’d like to speak with them all eventually, and I may ask you to facilitate that, the Raven Queen replied, but they won’t be punished.

Barry nodded. “Okay. That’s… that’s something I’m willing to consider, then.”

I hope you find out what happened to Lup. Her location is concealed from even me, but I know she’s never entered my domain, so I believe you’ll find her out there somewhere.

Barry’s eyes flickered, shedding drops of light that ran down his face for a few seconds before they coalesced back together. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

It’s the least I could do. From here, my priority shall be to warn the rest of the pantheon, but we’ll be in touch. The Raven Queen’s visage disappeared with a clap of thunder and a gust of wind that lifted the feathers into the air, carrying them back to Kravitz’s waiting hands as her voice boomed throughout the cave one last time. Good luck, my children.

“That went well, right?” Noelle asked when the echoes faded. “That felt pretty good for a conversation with the death goddess.”

“She’s a lot more reasonable than most gods, I think you’ll find,” Kravitz concurred. “But what’s the plan now? Because other than heading up to the moon, and bringing the boys back down for you to tell them what little you can, I haven’t got a lot of ideas.”

“I dunno either. I don’t like keeping them in the dark either, but it’s very little we can tell them aside from —” Barry paused. “Wait. You can go on the moonbase?”

“Yes? At least, no one’s tried to stop me. I guess I can see why you wouldn’t be allowed up there, but —”

“It’s more than a ban and a wanted poster keeping me off! It’s an anti-undeath ward —” Electricity crackled inside Barry’s silhouette, and he let out a laugh that could’ve woken the not-yet-reanimated dead. “But you, Kravitz, apparently possess enough celestial energy to balance out the undead elements of your soul — which is perfect! It changes everything!”

“Uh,” Kravitz began, reflexively taking a step back, “I think I’m missing some context here —”

“That ward’s the only thing stopping Barry from sneaking onto the moonbase and stealing the ichor he needs to inoculate his family!” Noelle explained, totally unperturbed by Barry’s mad scientist laugh. “I couldn’t steal it for him because the same ward keeps me from leaving my fuse for very long, and this robot body’s not exactly stealthy — but you can decorporealize for as long as you want on the moon, right?”

“I’m not sure I’ve actually tried,” Kravitz replied, rubbing his chin as the puzzle pieces fell into place, “but I’ve never had issues getting through anti-undead wards before, corporeally or otherwise!”

Barry rubbed his hands together, smoke and sparks pouring out from between them — but for the first time, Kravitz was sure he saw a glint of a smile flash on Barry’s face.

“Then what are we waiting for?” Barry asked. “Let’s head back to my place and plan a heist!”

***

“So what do we do now, Fantasy Columbo?” Taako asked, staring at the Umbra Staff in his hands. “I didn’t hear any jingles start playing for solving some sick higher power’s umbrella lich puzzle — how does this help us? What does it change?”

This should have been a revelation, Taako knew. This should have changed everything. But his mind was lagging behind his racing heart, struggling to fit together puzzle pieces that he knew should connect. Struggling to understand why he cared so fiercely about an evil ghost of an evil wizard being trapped in the arcane focus he’d looted her corpse for.

“I… I guess we should try to communicate with her?” Angus suggested. “She’s a Red Robe, so she must have something to do with —” He gestured wildly from his notepad, to Taako’s head, to the incinerated coffee table. “With all of this. Right?”

He removed his glasses, wiping off drops of sweat, and Taako realized that Angus, the smartest person he knew, had ran into an uncomfortable mental wall of his own — and after just a split second of looking at Angus’s pained expression, Taako made a decision.

“Hey, kid. I need your arguably expert opinion real quick — Magnus and Merle aren’t smart enough to be memory-wiping masterminds, right?”

“Oh, absolutely not, sir. We both know they’re no good at keeping their lies straight.”

“Could you check in on them for me? And try to bring ‘em back here — but, uh, only if you can do it without Lucretia or Davenport spotting you, and I need you to really focus on looking out for them. I don’t know who else I can trust with this —”

With a huge, determined smile on his face, Angus saluted. “I won’t let you down, sir!” He looked far less pained as he slunk out of the room, and Taako breathed a sigh of relief.

“Okay. Kid’s gonna be alright with his mind off of this, and now we can have some peace and quiet, Lup.” His mouth lingered on the name Lup but his mind didn’t, giving no thought to the affection he instinctively voiced. “So… let’s chat?”

***

Lucretia’s office looked just as Barry had described, and not all that different from the Reclaimer’s dorms in terms of architecture. The sole occupant was not the Director herself, but a mustached gnome man who sat at the oversized desk, focusing intently on a game of solitaire. He didn’t even look up as Kravitz’ soul drifted past, steering clear of the desk and floating right through a heavy, closed door.

Kravitz kept inside the left wall of the corridor — Barry may not have reported any traps in this stretch, but the puzzle that Barry had reported was nowhere to be seen, and Kravitz knew a suspiciously empty-looking hallway when he saw one. He phased through a second door at the end of the chamber, ignoring the computer that looked even more foreign to him than his Stone of Farspeech, and recorporealized inside a second office.

This close to the source of the ward, a spinning disk imbued with radiant energy, Kravitz could finally feel its influence — a faint burn and refreshing cold that coexisted, an antipathy towards his undead body and a resonance with the Raven Queen’s blessing. Tempted as he was to knock down the disk and short-circuit the ward, it wasn’t poised do much besides mildly distract him, and he was making this visit with a much different goal — one that he’d expose, if he ended up dramatically trashing someone else’s holy symbol.

At the far end of the office sat a murky tank, and above that tank, an alarm was ringing. A few feet to the alarm’s left, a needle punched holes in a steadily scrolling paper, recording what Kravitz inferred to be times and intensities — and there was a lot of information to infer from, because the paper output had not just reached the floor, but piled up to almost waist height.

A massive volume of alarms had clearly been accumulating, and someone — presumably Lucretia — was far too busy to check on every message. Ever since he’d died, Kravitz had been notoriously bad at keeping track of dates, but a quick comparison with the dates at the bottom of the pile and the dates of the current output revealed that the alarms had started trickling in last night, before a massive influx took shape only about an hour ago.

This was all very interesting to the part of Kravitz that loved a good mystery, but his pragmatic side won out, knowing this alarm could attract unwelcome attention at any moment. He switched his attention to the contents of the tank — which appeared just like Barry had said it would, but was still plenty fascinating. A jellyfish floated in murky ichor, illuminated from within by a dark purple nebula pattern, and recoiling away from Kravitz as he rested a hand atop the tank.

“Now, now. It’s alright,” Kravitz murmured, in the same tone he might use to calm a distressed soul. “No need to be scared…”

The baby Voidfish hummed two chords, far lower and louder than Kravitz had expected from such a tiny creature — but music, at least, was something Kravitz knew he could work with. He summoned his scythe in the form of a lute, plucking out a peaceful melody he’d been fond of for hundreds of years… and only a few bars in, the Voidfish began to echo him, humming along with increasing volume.

“I’m just here to do my friends a favor,” Kravitz promised. “It won’t take long at all.”

The Voidfish seemed to relax, so Kravitz let go of his lute, allowing it to float at his side with a faint blue aura suspending it in air. He pulled a canteen from beneath his cloak, slowly submerging it in the tank until it was full to the brim with ichor — probably a slight excess, but he’d rather have too much than not enough.

“See? All done,” he whispered, reattaching the canteen’s cap. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

The Voidfish hummed the refrain of his song once more as he reformed his scythe, and as if to say farewell, waved a tentacle in his direction as he stepped through the portal off the moonbase.

Just a moment later, the very second Kravitz’s feet hit solid subterranean ground, Barry was at his side with a barrage of questions. “How did it go? Have you got the ichor? Did anyone see you?”

“Good, yes, and no in that order,” Kravitz replied, handing Barry the canteen. “The only thing I’m worried about is… well, you’ve seen how Lucretia has an alarm system in her office, right? It’s going a little haywire right now — and has been since last night.”

Barry’s relief morphed into frustration mid-relieved sigh. “I was hoping we could avoid that, since the boys haven’t had a run-in with me in a couple days — but I guess someone’s still trying to remember something, and it won’t be long ‘til Lucretia picks up on it. We gotta get a move on.”

“I did talk to Taako about the stars disappearing last night, come to think of it,” Kravitz recalled. “I hope he’s not still hung up on that, but it sounds like he might be.”

“Shoot, that coulda done it. No fault of your own, obviously.” Barry sighed again, picking up a couple of scrolls from his desk and placing them on a much more neatly organized bookshelf. “Sorry for the mess, by the way. You and Noelle have been my only visitors so far this whole decade.”

Kravitz had seen Barry’s home before he left for his heist on the moon, and it had already been pretty respectable as secret lairs went. Aside from the stalactites and the dubiously legal cloning pod, it had looked more like a disheveled academic’s study than a necromancer’s dungeon — but in Kravitz’s absence, Barry had apparently gotten up to some spring cleaning. He’d draped a sheet over the pod, which was still glowing bright green and far from innocuous, and somehow gotten his hands on a decent-quality couch, either from a pocket dimension or a conjuration spell or gods knew what else.

“Before you got involved, my plan never involved the boys coming in here while they could remember me,” Barry admitted. “They’d still be far from seeing me at my worst, but — well, I dunno if I can make this place look welcoming, exactly, but I’d rather not make them worry about me ‘cause of it.”

“If it helps, this is easily the nicest cave I’ve ever seen a lich holed up in,” Kravitz said, which got a quiet laugh out of Barry.

“Yeah, I bet it is.” He opened the canteen, pouring a modest sample of the ichor into a glass vial. “Hard to believe this is happening so suddenly, but… I think now’s the time. Lucretia could catch on at any minute, and I — I’ll be ready by the time you get back, I think.”

“Good luck remodeling,” Kravitz told him with a nod, and tore open a portal back to the moon.

***

“So… let’s chat?” Taako suggested. He didn’t know what kind of reply he was expecting, but he had to admit it stung when the Umbra Staff didn’t move an inch.

“Okay, what you do isn’t exactly chatting. That one’s on me. Can you just give me a sign, a little poltergeisting or something, if you’re listening?”

Still nothing, which continued to hurt more than it should have.

“Are you mad at me? I thought you smacked me in the face today to get my attention! ‘Cause you wanted to talk, but…” He glanced away from the umbrella in his lap. “I guess you really hate Kravitz, don’t you? And I was helping him hunt you, even before we started dating…”

He sighed. “And you’re only here because I stole from your grave! What was I even thinking? Of course you hate me, and maybe I half-deserve it —”

The Umbra Staff twitched in his hands, subtly yet so abruptly that he jumped to his feet with a yelp and dropped it onto the floor. It spun over ninety degrees as it fell, landing to point at the shelf of seldom-used spell components that Taako and Merle shared.

“You… want me to cast something?” Taako knelt on the rug, gently wrapping a hand around the handle but not raising the umbrella from the floor. He didn’t feel even the slightest movement. “Hey, if you’re not mad at me, then… do something. Do anything.”

He thought the handle might’ve trembled slightly, but wasn’t sure — it could’ve just been wishful thinking. “Okay, flip side. Do something if you are mad at me.”

This time, he was certain there was no response. “Okay, I’ve narrowed it down to either ‘you’re not mad’ or ‘you don’t want to talk to me,’ but I don’t get why you’re being so subtle about this. I mean, I’m not asking you to cast Sunbeam on my boyfriend again, but I know you could be giving me more obvious signs than —”

He happened to glace back at the component shelf, noticing the chest of spare wands he’d stockpiled — arcane foci, just like the ones the Umbra Staff consumed — then just like that, it clicked, and there was finally one quirk of his rogue umbrella that Taako had an inkling of an explanation for.

“Unless… you can’t give me a bigger sign because I haven’t beaten a magic user in a while!” he gasped. “You’re not trying to ignore me — you’re running out of power!”

He unlatched the little chest, grabbing two cheap wooden wands and snapping them both — and sure enough, the Umbra Staff inverted with more vigor than Taako had seen from it all day, swallowing them whole.

“Better?” Taako asked, and a tiny pink flame sparked to life at the tip of the umbrella. Lup must’ve summoned it with a variant of Prestidigitation, because it smelled less like smoke and more like comforting home cooking.

“Now I know why you chose me instead of Merle at the cave! You’re an adoring fan of Sizzle it Up!” Taako teased, and the Umbra Staff bonked him on the head. “Okay, fine, maybe not. Gods know that’s not the only thing I’ve got going for me over Merle.”

He glanced around the room, rubbing his chin. “I was going to say you could turn that flame on and off real fast, send me a message in Fantasy Morse Code, but then I remembered I don’t actually know Fantasy Morse that well. Maybe you could, like, burn something into the wall —”

The flame atop the Umbra Staff intensified, excited.

“But I guess we’d run out of space real fast — never mind explaining it to Lucretia, yikes! We’d be toast… just like the walls.”

The flame died down, replaced with a disembodied, glowing red Mage Hand. With an upturned palm, it made a motion that Taako guessed was meant to convey a shrug and a then what?

“Oh, you didn’t tell me you could do Mage Hand from in there too! I can work with that!”

He made a beeline for the dorm kitchen, ripping open a fresh bag of flour and dumping it directly onto the counter. “I really don’t wanna leave written evidence, so you write stuff in this, and I’ll erase it when you’re done. Sound good?”

Lup squeezed his shoulder, then traced four words in the flour.

I’ve never hated you

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Taako muttered, pretending he couldn’t feel his whole chest seizing up. With a bare hand, he wiped the flour flat, and only sent a little flying onto the floor accidentally. “I… I wanna let you out. Because this is a really inconvenient way to talk, but — but also ‘cause I know you didn’t mean to get trapped in there, and living inside your arcane focus sounds like it’s the pits. Is there a way I can free you?”

yes but not right now

“Why not?”

no liches on the moon

“Oh, have they got wards to block you off or something? I guess we wouldn’t be able to talk at all if I freed you, and that… that wouldn’t be great.”

I’d miss you :(

“Yeah, I can imagine,” Taako replied, and he said it before he meant it. The figure of speech slipped out right away, ingrained after years of overwhelmingly insincere conversations, but his emotions caught up to him more slowly — starting with the loneliness and the longing, before they ate away at him and left an emptiness behind, a dread of never being whole again and a temptation to tear the whole world apart, because what would he have left to lose?

It ended with a throbbing skull, with static clouding the peripheries of his vision, with a mind that couldn’t fathom why missing someone would hit so close to a home that should have never existed. The last year notwithstanding, he couldn’t remember a time where he’d be caught dead missing someone’s company… but now all he could think, all he could feel, was I’m not losing you again.

“There’s gotta be a workaround — right, Lup?” he managed. “Like, is there a way I could take the wards down?”

maybe, but

Lucretia would notice

“I’m gonna go out on a limb, and assume… she wouldn’t be too thrilled to know you’re here.”

Lup took longer to reply than usual, erasing the first few letters of her response to start over several times.

it’s so complicated

don’t think I can explain

“Right. Of course. ‘Cause of the Voidfish.” Taako rubbed his cheek, expecting to wipe away stray splotches of flour — but instead, he felt his fingers grow damp with tears that he knew weren’t just from the pain of his headache.

“I — I don’t know what to do, Lup. I want to help you, but Kravitz is probably in danger because of me so I have to make sure he’s okay, and I know he won’t like me helping you — then there’s Angus and Magnus and Merle, too, I have no clue if any of them are in as much trouble as us. And I just… I can’t shake the feeling that there’s more to this. That the worst of all the bombshells still hasn’t dropped, and I’m about to lose all you while I still don’t know who I am, or who I can trust besides —”

The fingers of Lup’s Mage Hand interlocked with his, and it was a strange sensation — fuzzy and only about half-tangible, as simple magic constructs were expected to be, but warm like a living hand despite the lack of flesh and blood. Taako couldn’t say how long he was silent, just focusing on just that warmth and the inexplicable nostalgia that accompanied it, before he finally asked: “What do you think I should do?”

Lup withdrew her hand slowly, but didn’t hesitate nor erase as she traced four new words:

find Barry

trust Barry

“…I’m glad I’ve got you, Lup, ‘cause I never woulda come up with that on my own,” Taako muttered, chuckling in spite of himself. He didn’t doubt for a second that Lup’s advice was worth following, but he had to admit it was ridiculous how every time a problem came up in his life, someone insisted it could be solved by tracking down a denim-clad lich. “Do you know any of his favorite hangouts, or —”

As Lup’s Mage Hand zipped back into the Umbra Staff, Taako didn’t quite notice the scythe rending space behind him, but he whirled around at the sound of feet hitting the ground and an incredulous voice speaking up.

“Uh, Taako?”

Kravitz carried himself with considerably less poise than usual, wearing a tattered suit that had presumably once seen better days, but he appeared otherwise unscathed, and Taako’s heart jumped for joy.

“I — I — I’m sorry?” Kravitz’s words sounded less like an apology, and more like a sincere question of whether or not he should be sorry for intruding. “I should’ve just portalled to the hallway and knocked. I didn’t mean to walk in on — on whatever this is —”

Before he could stammer another adorably confused word, Taako rushed in for a hug — never mind how crazy he knew he looked, covered in flour and inexplicably teary-eyed over an umbrella.

“Holy shit, I can’t believe — I was so worried about you. I thought for sure you were in trouble and it was all my fault — it was all because —”

Kravitz slipped a cool, but unusually not cold hand under Taako’s hat, mussing up his hair to match the rest of his appearance. “I won’t lie, Taako — there were moments today where I was worried for me. But it turned out to all be a misunderstanding, which is always a pleasant surprise in my line of work — and even better, if you can believe it, one of my new friends knows what’s up with those deaths you can’t remember!”

Kravitz was beaming, but Taako’s blood ran cold like he was the dead man walking. Just when he’d been so sure, so relieved, that he hadn’t dragged Kravitz into the Voidfish conspiracy after all, it turned out that Kravitz had sleuthed his way right to its very center.

No wonder he gets along so well with Angus, Taako thought wryly. Two constantly endangered nerds of a feather.

“This friend can explain it much better than I can, so we’ll visit him by portal — but Magnus and Merle need to hear the truth, too,” Kravitz went on, still seeing no reason not to be enthusiastic. “Are they available?”

“Oh, those clowns? They’re off playing kickball with Angus or something — should be back soon.” Taako knew how Kravitz thought, and knew that Kravitz believed he was doing the right thing by digging up these secrets. He was fulfilling an oath to his goddess and helping Taako get some closure, which should have been great news as far as Kravitz knew — but now he was on the moon, speaking openly about truths a Voidfish had suppressed…

And Taako was conspiring with a lich, soon to be two liches, behind Kravitz’s back. He wasn’t expecting to like the truth behind his eight deaths, if he could even wrap his mind around it — and he had a feeling that when it came time to be judged by the Raven Queen, Kravitz would like the truth and its consequences even less, regardless of whether Taako could think clearly enough to defend himself.

So he withdrew from the hug, wiping the flour — and the incriminating mention of Barry — off the counter with a swoop of his hand. “Oh, drat! Did not mean to do that, ‘cause now I’ll have to mop the whole floor —”

“Okay, Taako. What’s wrong?” Kravitz asked firmly — and Taako didn’t know why he’d thought he’d be able to stall for time, given how Kravitz knew him pretty well, too. “You’re not in trouble with the Queen — I mean, we’ll probably have to invent and then fill out an entirely new form of paperwork about you and your pals, but I told her everything and she’s not mad, I can say that much. Same goes for Magnus, Merle, and — uh, forgive me, just Magnus and Merle. It’s been a long day.”

“Okay, that’s the second piece of good bird news you’ve dropped on me in like twenty-four hours, and I appreciate that,” Taako sighed. “But — okay, listen. We’ve got to be quiet about this, for both of our safety, but I think — I know I’m dealing with more than just memory loss here. I’ll try jumping through your portal and talking to your friend, but I really don’t think I’ll be able to understand —”

“Oh!” Kravitz gasped. “I think I know what you’re talking about — I ran into it with Angus earlier, and we should definitely have a way around it.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “My, uh, my new friend didn’t know if you could understand that there was a second Voidfish — but you heard that, right? It wasn’t garbled?”

Taako nodded frantically. “Yeah, and we’ve gotta get off the moon. If Lucretia finds out we know, I — I’ve got no idea how far she’ll go to keep this under wraps, and that’s the worst part. She’s already suspicious of me, and I —”

He felt a tug from his umbrella, and he cast Message as quickly and subtly as he could, hoping the Umbra Staff’s propensity to absorb magic like a sinkhole would somehow pull his unspoken words to Lup.

I’m not going to tell him about you. Not until I get more information.

Her reply must’ve hardly escaped from the umbrella, being little more than a distorted whisper — Be careful. Love you — but Taako’s legs almost gave out beneath him when he heard her voice, and Kravitz winced.

“We’ve really got to get you out of here, don’t we?” he murmured, taking Taako’s hand — and Kravitz’s skin was definitely warmer than usual, because of course this frankly adorable development would happen when Taako had a million other things on his mind. “You said the other boys will be back soon?”

“I hope.” Taako led the way into the living room, giving a wide berth to the remains of the coffee table. “I sent Angus to go find —”

On cue, the rattle of a doorknob and the sound of Angus’s voice rang out from the hallway. “Sir? We’re back! Could you unlock the door?”

The next sound was the telltale thump of a small child being affectionately shoved aside, followed by Magnus exclaiming: “Hey, I’ve got thieves’ tools now! Gimme a shot at picking it!”

Kravitz pursed his lips. “Don’t Magnus and Merle have their own keys?” he muttered under his breath.

“Of course they do,” Taako sighed, and the door swung open with a snap of his fingers and a Knock spell.

“Magnus, look!” Merle cheered. “You did it!”

While Magnus and Merle high-fived, Angus’s eyes lit up at the sight of Kravitz half-alive and well.

“You’re okay! I’m sorry I didn’t end up finding Noelle, but Taako said he was worried about you, so I started worrying too — did you have a nasty fight with a necromancer or something?”

“…Yes and no,” Kravitz responded after a moment of hesitation, “but I can explain that whole incident later. Right now, I need you all to come with me to —”

“A cool skeleton rave!” Taako butted in. “And… there’s also supposed to be skeleton dogs there! So you guys will definitely wanna get in on it!”

“Yes, exactly!” Kravitz corroborated without missing a beat. “It’s one of those, you know, very rare skeleton raves that receives the Raven Queen’s approval. Once in a century opportunity, so you won’t want to miss it!”

Magnus rubbed his chin. “I dunno about this. How do you pet a skeleton dog?”

“Only one way to find out!” Taako told him, then breathed a sigh of relief when it got an approving nod from Magnus.

“Fair enough! I’m sold!”

Angus narrowed his eyes, so Taako grinned and winked, hoping it came across as equal parts conspiratorial and don’t you dare blow this for me. It must’ve worked, because after a few seconds of surely intense mental calculations, Angus plastered on a convincing innocent smile and gave Taako a thumbs-up.

“Thanks for inviting me on this fun diversion, sir! I’m sure you could’ve come up with a more convincing lie if it was a trap or a prank, so I’m all in!”

Smiling awkwardly, Kravitz turned to the the lie’s final mark. “Merle, my bud, how about you?”

“Are we buds now?” Merle grinned. “You know what, sure! Anything for my bud!”

“Then away we go!” Kravitz tore open a rift and immediately stepped through, beckoning for the others to follow with the single arm that remained on their side of the portal. Magnus leapt through almost immediately, Merle hot on his heels, while Angus approached the rift more skeptically.

“Well, sir,” he announced softly once Magnus and Merle disappeared, “you and Kravitz owe me an explanation… but I trust the both of you.” He took Taako’s hand, and the two of them stepped through the portal together, emerging in a cold, dimly lit cave.

And Taako thought he’d been “moving fast” through a lot of things, lately — through worldview-shattering realizations, into a romantic relationship, into unofficially and semi-accidentally adopting a boy detective — but nothing could’ve prepared him for how fast everything moved in the next minute.

Kravitz faced Noelle and a now-familiar disembodied robe, very obviously struggling to suppress a mood-inappropriate laugh. “Can you believe I was planning to lie to Magnus about skeleton dogs, but then Taako interrupted and independently came up with the same fib?”

“That’s love, baby!” Taako exclaimed, in the moment before the absurdity of the situation dawned on him. “Wait. Why’s Barold here?”

As the rift fizzled and disappeared, Magnus drew Railsplitter, only to whirl around on himself with no idea who to aim at or threaten. “Hey, did we just get kidnapped? ‘Cause I’ve gotta say, this is the last combination of people in the world I expected to team up and kidnap us.”

“It’s not a kidnapping,” Kravitz began, “it’s just —”

“Did you kidnap a child, Kravitz?” Barry interrupted, gesturing at Angus. “When was that ever a part of the plan?! We didn’t need to involve —”

“With all due respect, Mister Bluejeans,” Angus butted in, “Kravitz didn’t technically kidnap me! I knew perfectly well that he was bullshitting, but I decided to come along with him anyway, out of my own free will!” He turned to face Kravitz, adjusting his glasses. “That said, he did deceive and therefore truly kidnap Magnus, Merle, and maybe even Taako by the sound of things — so if he could go ahead and explain his presumably very good reason for doing so, that would be just dandy!”

Barry sighed. “Real smartass kid you’ve dragged into the fate of the universe, huh, boys?”

“He was already involved enough in things that he deserves to know. We’re bringing him up to speed too,” Kravitz declared, and Barry shrugged.

“Alright, sure — but why the hell was there a child on the moon in the first place?!”

“He’s the world’s greatest detective,” Noelle spoke up, and Angus beamed. “I told you about him, remember? He’s the one who figured out that you were amnesiac when you were alive —”

“Oh, I do remember that, though I don’t remember you mentioning his age — so I guess it’s my bad, then, for assuming a secret lunar society would give a flying fuck about child labor laws!”

Kravitz ignored them both. “Merle, Magnus — I’m so sorry for the deception, and Taako, I’m sorry for not saying that Barry was my new contact. I didn’t want anyone eavesdropping on us on the moonbase, and I swear, I will explain myself as soon as I physically can —”

“Hey, hey, it’s cool!” Taako’s words were intended not just for Kravitz, but for Lup within the Umbra Staff, which had started trembling at the sound of Barry’s voice. “I would love an explanation, but I needed Barold’s help anyway, sooo… doesn’t this work out pretty great?”

“Needing Barry’s help is a new one, sir,” Angus commented, but no one in the room looked more incredulous than Kravitz and Barry themselves, who both froze in place.

“Um, that’s — that’s news to me too?” Barry stammered. “But if — if you don’t need any convincing, then…”

He floated a little taller, robe a little less ragged, voice a little more hopeful. “Let’s get you inoculated, bud.”

A glass vial appeared in Taako’s hand, and he sipped the dark liquid inside without a second thought, even though he gagged while passing the vial on to an apprehensive Magnus. No memories rushed back to him like he’d braced himself for, but he thought he felt the nature of his headache change — less like the roar of static, and more like the pressure on a dam about to burst.

“You should really sit down for this,” Barry told him, resting a cold hand on Taako’s shoulder. “Take it as slow as possible. You obviously figured out a lot, more than I thought you would, but you still won’t be ready for —”

“Relax, it hasn’t even hit me yet!” Taako interrupted. “So in the meantime, I can catch you up on this whole funny story about… my… umbrella…”

The metaphorical floodgates shattered, and the deluge of memories swept him off his feet.

Growing up bouncing between relative to relative, growing skilled as chefs and wizards on the road. The IPRE entrance exams, the best day ever, the Hanging Arcaneum, “back soon” —

His head burned as the static was expunged from his mind, displaced by visions of days and months and cycles that just kept hitting him. He was dimly aware of someone, two someones, clutching his arms and lowering him to his knees on the cool cave floor —

“Stay with us, Taako!” Kravitz pleaded, holding Taako’s left hand. “Listen to Barry —”

“I’ll walk you through everything,” Barry — the animal kingdom, learning to swim, “what if she’s just gone?” — promised from his right, clinging to the same arm with which Taako held the Umbra Staff. “Just don’t think ahead. I’ve been through this before, and I can get you through it now, as long as —”

“B-but — but Lup!” Taako cried. “How could I forget —”

“I know, bud,” Barry whispered. “I forgot too. I understand —”

“You fucking don’t understand!” Tears fell from his eyes, but his mouth twisted into a cautious, still half-disbelieving smile. “Barry, she’s right here!”

“What?!” The cave was plunged into red and black, blinding lights and impenetrable shadows, as the lich at its center seemed to fall apart and come together all at once. “WHERE?!”

Taako closed his eyes, and with a strength he didn’t know he had, snapped the Umbra Staff over his knee.

#taz #taz balance #taakitz #kravitz taz #taako taaco #barry bluejeans #lup taaco #angus mcdonald #taz balance spoilers #fic: ftrala #rosalia writes fic

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #459

“i wanted you to know that i love the way you laugh  /  i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away”

Does the person you like have any flaws? He's never seemed very expressive of what he feels. Has anyone ever given you a ring? Why? Yes. Because it was our anniversary and he wanted to, ig. If you ruled your own country, what type of government would it have? I'm not educated enough to answer this. Creation theory, Evolution or the Big Bang theory? I really don't know what I believe about the origins of the universe, but I do believe in evolution. Describe one of your most emotional farewells. The last time I saw Jason and we talked for a long time, and I finally got my closure. It was all so heavy. It started so stiffly, but it ended with us just chatting and smiling and, to my absolute shock, a hug from him. I'm getting emotional so NEXT QUESTION. What was your last serious conversation about? I was reassuring and comforting Sara about some stuff. Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? No. Are there any gnomes in your yard? No. When was the last time you were stung by a bee? What kind was it? Years ago. A bumblebee. Are you gonna buy lottery tickets when you’re old enough? I am old enough, and no. The odds are way, way too small, and I don't really dabble in addictive behavior. Have you ever been into a real cave? No. :( That's a life goal, though. Have you ever posted mean comments on YouTube? I know I did once as a kid. It was regarding Meerkat Manor and I thought it was really disrespectful to Flower just because of the music chosen lmao. The drama. What color is your digital camera, if you have one? Black. If you had to spend one day in any movie storyline, which one would it be? Alice in Wonderland, I suppose? Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): Oh man, I've played waaaaay too many video games. I suppose Silent Hill with how confused it left me at first. Its concept is definitely wild. Parasite Eve is high on the list, too. In your opinion, what is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Boy in the Striped Pajamas destroys me. What is the best song to make out to? I could answer this but I'm not gonna lmfao Is there anyone right now that you are simply/overly infatuated with? story of my life ayyyyeeeee Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? Not a clue. Who was the last person close to you that died? Did you cry? Jason's mom. I sobbed on-and-off for days. Do you consider yourself a healthy person? Physically and mentally? No, in either way. Do you know anyone who owns a boat? My dad does. I'm sure others, too, with how popular fishing out on a boat is here. Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? I don't know. Even for medicinal purposes, it's not legal here. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? No. What did you do for your 21st birthday? I was in the psych hospital, so... lmao. Therapy, reading, and coloring. Lots of reading and coloring. Because they did NOT fill your schedule enough there. We only had two group therapy sessions a day, and the rest was just... blankness. If dinosaurs could be tamed, would you want one as a pet? I know I'd be one of the dumb ones that absolutely wanted a tiny raptor, lol. Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? No. If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? Not interested. Do you eat soup when you’re sick? I don't like soup. If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? My first real series that I read religiously was Hank the Cowdog. Then it was Warriors. Do you buy Halloween candy when it’s on sale after the holiday? No. I really don't need candy available to me. Do you agree with the “they’re just being kids” excuse? It depends on what they're doing. In a lot of cases, no. Do you ever watch talk shows? No. Do you have a/any hero(s)? Mark Fischbach, Steve Irwin, my mom... Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No. Though Mom has playfully once told me that she knows a lot of things I don't think she does, and that's terrifying lmao. You’re getting married. Who’s your maid of honor and best man? M.o.H.: Mom or Sara. Best man isn't my choice. Would you rather get highlights or dye your whole head? DYE IT ALLLLLLL. Are you wearing anything of any sentimental value? Describe? My friendship ring w/ Sara. It has a heart carved on the outside and "bitch" engraved inside so no one can see when you have it on, lol. She has one that says "jerk." It's a Supernatural reference. Who challenges you the most? In what way? My therapist and psychiatrist. They just help ensure I pursue my goals and give me little nudges forward to reassure me. Who seems to hold you back? In what way? PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT ME. I listen to my anxiety WAY too much. What was the last opportunity that you passed up, and why? Going up to Lake Gaston w/ Mom to visit Ash and her fam. They go there all the time, and it's a real nice place. I just didn't want to go because of the heat. Should there be an application process for having children? Hunny, that would not stop people from fuckin lmfao Name one thing that you think defines you as a person? m e e r k a t s What is a fear you have about living on your own? That depression would get the better of me and I'd neglect taking good care of my house. One of the many reasons I'll never live alone. Not at all saying I'd leave the responsibilities to my partner, but they'd be motivation for me to get stuff done. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. Nothing that bad. What’s your stance on spooning? It helps me feel safe and loved and alsdkfjalwe I just love cuddling in all sorts lmao What’s your most recent obsession? Violet Orlandi & Melodicka Bros' cover of "Somebody That I Used to Know." Have you ever been scammed? Ha ha, yes. I once wanted to get Jason a Joker and Harley Quinn pillow from deviantART; talked to the artist, paid 'em, never got it. :^) Have you ever fostered an animal? No. I would get WAY too attached to foster. I wouldn't be able to give them up without breaking down, probs. Do you know anyone who acts way younger than what they are? I'm sure I do, but no one is coming to mind atm. Would you say you’re a pretty independent person? God no. Does the last song you listened to, remind you of someone? JASON. Do you currently want a new computer? Yes, actually. I want a desktop PC for better gaming quality, honestly. Also, the "escape" key doesn't work on this laptop, one key is missing so I have to hit the sensor JUST right, and it restarts randomly sometimes. I want a PC mainly because I want to get out of the habit of being on my laptop in bed all damn day. How would your parents react if you got a tattoo? I already have like six or seven, so they wouldn't be surprised. Is there anyone you can picture yourself being with forever right now? Maybe. Who is your truest friend? Sara. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen outside of your house? THIS house? Idk. Nothing that I'd consider odd. What bug frightens you most? STAG BEETLES lkadjslkfja;lwekjawl;kejrlawer Who is your oldest friend? That would be Sam, and he's in his mid-30s. How long have you known them? Many years. We met via WoW, which I've been playing since '14. I don't really remember how far into it we met, though. Where are they right now? lol I wouldn't know, he's all the way in Jersey. Plus we haven't talked in a while. Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? God no, that would be so weird. What is the best gift someone can give you? An ear to listen without it feeling like a chore to them. Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No. I don't think I could do it. What is the last movie that made you cry? The The Lion King remake made me tear up. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No. Ugh, that sounds like a blast. In your life who has meant the most to you? Let's not get into this. What has been your biggest failure in life? Letting depression and my other conditions take away my identity, becoming my new identity. Do you trust yourself? No. I second-guess EVERYTHING and never know what I should listen to: my heart, my head, my gut... or which voice is what. Would you ever consider getting an abortion, under any circumstances? Yes. What was the last bug you killed? Some kind in the bathroom. Idk what it was. Just a little thing that sort of resembled an earwig, but not completely. Do you prefer profile pictures by yourself of with someone else? By myself, since it's my page. Do you know anyone who has written a book? I don't think so? Do you drink milk/juice from the carton if no one is around? Ew, no. I live with another person, and even if I didn't, what if I had guests? Has anyone ever told you they liked you in a realllly sweet way? Maybe? Has a member of the opposite sex ever given you jewlery? Jason has. Do you find sleeping in cars easy? NOOOOOOOOOO. I'm too scared to let my eyes close and not see what's going on on the road. Has a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s parents ever gotten mad at you? Why? I don't believe so, no. What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you. Definitely something my niece has said, but idr what it was. What’s been on your mind lately? Y'all know, lol. Do you feel like you need to get something off your chest? No. Sara was recently there for that. ♥ How would you react if someone told you they had feelings for you? Be very very excited if it was from a certain person.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''broken'' by seether (ft. amy lee)