#╰ (✪∀<) ~ *:･ﾟ✧ I disagree with the way you keep preaching insanity. ❈ ANON. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

urfavmurtad · 6 years

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(1) Hey, I’m a 19 year old Muslim girl living in Canada. I’ve lived my entire life raised around Western culture so I guess I’m what you would call a Moderate Muslim. Until about a year ago, I believed that Islam could be accepting of values such as feminism, lgbtq+ acceptance etc. But then I realized the noticeable lack of these values in our community and realized I was kidding myself if I believed that anyone in my family would accept someone coming out as gay...

(2) So I started to preach moderate values. I told everyone I knew that some great changes had to be made in our community. That was until recently. Now, I realize I can’t really preach these changes in our community if they contradict a fundamental scripture. I came to the horrible realization that I actually disagree with the Quran. In fact, it goes beyond that: I have a problem with the whole concept of organized religion and the many basic philosophies that accompany all religions…

(3) I’m still double-minded though. I do hijab, and was previously extremely religious (prayed extra, learned the Quran by heart) and I find it so difficult to just leave the entire religion. I feel like I need to talk to someone, because the very idea is so daunting that I can’t even think it out loud, much less mention it to anyone. And that’s a personal struggle; I haven’t even started to think about the cultural and familial backlash. What is your advice for anyone in this kind of situation?

Anon I’m so sorry it took me forever to answer this, I’ve been in everyone’s favorite desert kingdom for exciting family bonding adventures as of late. Lemme just say before I start what is sure to be another long post that I completely understand where you’re coming from. A lot of people who leave Islam, myself included, go through a sort of bargaining phase where you really want to make it work, because so much of your life is tied to it in one way or another, and it just… doesn’t. And you realize that most Muslims aren’t really into making it work, either, and you’re just supposed to accept that. We’re also basically in the same spot with still outwardly “performing Muslim-ness” despite our thoughts on the religion itself, both for family reasons and because it’s extremely difficult to go from being outwardly pious/devout to… less devout, without people judging you and asking questions. Like you, I have never told anyone in my family that I’m even sort of non-religious. That’s gonna be a hell of a bridge to cross and I’m not even thinking about it until I finish college. Financial independence has to come first.

So I can’t pretend that I have all the answers for you here. All I can do is share some advice that has been helpful to me. First of all: never, ever feel guilty for not being fully open with your thoughts on this subject or “hiding” until you feel ready to share them. I don’t need to tell you that things like this often cause lost friendships, family drama, and cruel gossip. You don’t need that in your life right now, and given your age, there’s not much to be gained from having your lack of faith be public knowledge. The way you feel is your business and no one else’s. If you don’t feel like you’re in a good place to publicly leave the religion, there’s nothing wrong with, to put it bluntly, faking it for a while.

Someone on here asked me once if I feel guilty for “cheating” my parents (in terms of them paying for school and such), knowing that they’d disapprove of certain life choices of mine if they knew about them. And the answer to that is no. The fact that I don’t believe in Islam is none of my parents’ business and won’t be their business until I choose to inform them of it. I live a perfectly fine Muslimah life and do not cause them embarrassment or Great Family Shame. Sure, I’m just going through the motions at this point and don’t believe in any of it, from praying to “modesty”, but that is none of their concern. There is nothing wrong with keeping it personal until you feel completely comfortable being open about it irl. I do plan on getting there one day, both in terms of my (lack of) religion and my sexuality, but I am fully prepared for the possibility of my family basically refusing to interact with me afterwards. That’s a lot to deal with, and I don’t feel bad about waiting for the right time to unload all of that baggage. You shouldn’t feel bad about it, either.

That brings me to the second order of business. I already wrote about this in this post here but imo it’s so important to find a community, or multiple communities, to fill whatever void might be created in your social net if you ever do end up totally leaving. A huge part of what draws people to religion is the sense of belonging and a sense of having people who will always be there for you in your time of need. If you pull that rug out from under yourself without anything there to catch your fall, it can make you feel really lonely. Make sure you have an irl support network of some kind. Whether that takes the form of an actual group (like I said in the other post, I’m part of a charity group that is rly awesome and full of great people) or club or just a few non-religious friends, it doesn’t matter–as long as you know that you have supportive and loving people around you, no matter what. And it’s just as important to have some hobby in your life that has some sort of communal aspect to it (I do community gardening and cooking in school!). It’s so crucial, especially if you’re like me and hate socializing, because it creates a safe community for you that’s totally separate from your religion and your family/religious friends.

Another to keep in mind is that leaving Islam and recognizing its shittier aspects doesn’t mean you have to, like, abandon your ethnicity and entire sense of self. Culture and religion go hand-in-hand in most Muslim countries, but they don’t have to be totally inseparable. If there is something you like about your culture, or some practice you enjoy that is “supposed to be” for faithful Muslims only, or something that’s “supposed” to be done only in a certain religious way, you can go ahead keep doing that thing without any issue. You can still enjoy the history and past and traditions of your native country, though you are also more than allowed to look at some religious traditions you grew up with through a critical lens. You don’t have to throw away your entire identity just because you leave a religion, and you most definitely don’t have to shut up and never talk about it ever again. Keep the things you love about your culture and your upbringing and feel free to throw the bad things into the trash where they belong, now that you feel no spiritual drive to defend them. Don’t let anyone guilt you into either staying silent about the bad parts or never participating in the good parts. If I ever have kids, they’re getting so much eidi it’ll be ridiculous. And they’ll get a Christmas tree because I like the way they look. We’ll throw a Black Santa in there too, because fuck it, why not.

So that’s the summary. Keep the good, get rid of the bad. Don’t feel any guilt for either part of that. And if someone tells you “noo you can’t do X if you’re not Muslim” or “nooo you can’t do Y without doing Z”, you can feel free to tell them

On a semi-related note, I think that you’ve already started a process that I found really helpful, which is to think about exactly what you find both wrong and absurd about Islam–as in the codified faith itself, not just “cultural” matters. Whenever someone leaves a religion, you’ll always have people saying “oh, they just don’t understand the real religion”. That goes 500x for Islam; virtually all people who leave Islam are told that they just don’t get it. It can feel like gaslighting sometimes. So it’s extremely useful to be able to point to specific parts of the Quran that I find objectively wrong, to say nothing of the ahadith. I have very solid reasons for no longer believing in the faith. I no longer question them, and I don’t let people tell me that I just don’t understand.

And that leads into another hugely important process, which is finding your own system of morality outside the realm of religion. I’ve heard so many shaikhs and dawah bros say “if you’re not religious, how can you have any morals?”, often taking that to absurd conclusions, like saying you have to be fine with murder or whatever. That is, obviously, insane. I don’t need a warlord and slave owner (PBUH) to explain to me why XYZ Is Bad. I can figure it out on my own and find a personal morality that doesn’t depend on any institution and is suited for the world that I live in. It sounds like you’re pretty much already there, and that’s a big deal. Having some moral structure in your life means that you won’t feel totally lost without Islam. You’re gonna be okay, sis.

So… like I said, hell if I have all the answers to these questions anon, I’m trying to figure all of it out myself. But that’s the best advice I can give you, and I hope it was at least semi-helpful? You can always feel free to message me or send me another ask if you ever just feel like ranting or screaming into the void, trust me, I get the feeling!! 💕

#ex muslim #ask #anon #atheism

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