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#♫ ; ( verse ~ the present. )
elegantduelliste · 2 months
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Epistles of Saints & Sinners
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Chapter Summary:
Reflections are made on Tav and Astarion's intimate night together before entering the Goblin Camp.
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Story Summary:
When Astarion meets the humble bard, Tav, he soon finds out he's the only one between them that knows they are bound as soulmates through their marks. Deciding it's more trouble than its worth, he refuses to tell her along the course of their journey across Faerûn.
But, unbeknownst to him and their companions, Tav is harboring a gruesome secret that she only thought was nothing more than a traumatized period in her life.
As they both come to face to face with their pasts and presents, will they choose to move forward or let it consume them?
Healing isn’t linear—after all.
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Chapter 7: Beholden
Ao3
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Word Count: 3.8k
Pairing: Astarion x female bard Tav
CW: Blood, Violence, Language, Act 1 Spoilers
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We must follow nature’s course. Whether it be cruel or kind. We cannot interrupt its plan for the world. Their tadpoles connected them in more ways, than a simple acknowledgement of their shared affliction. But, boundaries are toilsome when broken. And creeping upon their coasts, will cost a sacrifice, yet to be demanded.
— Halsin, journal entry 1,200
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There was a stir of a song being born. One from the buds of untilled soil thought dead. The words to accompany it were being haphazardly forged on parchment, like random notes written on coffee-stained napkins.
Tav hummed and wrote. Wrote and hummed. It was an all-consuming process that transfixed her until it was completed. And her lucky muse? A wreath of ghostly ringlets framing two eyes of garnet that haunted the pounding organ behind her cage of bones.
♫On your chariot of umbra, You rode up from the world below, And with a kiss of starlight you…um??? Youuuuuu….♫
“Hope I’m not pesterin’ you. Saw you over here by your lonesome,” Karlach interrupted as she approached the lounging minstrel with a lopsided smile and a ‘hair of the dog’ pint in her grasp.
“Mornin.’ Only struggling with this verse,” she beamed, tucking a wavy piece of hair behind her ear.
“Something’s different about you, eh?” The fiery tiefling observed, taking a sip from her drink.
Tav placed her quill back into its ink pot and straightened out her music sheets while readjusting her position on the tree stump. A cunning prickling of thorns flushed on her cheeks. “I—no. I don’t believe anything has changed about me.”
But, that wasn’t true. Within a man’s arms she came undone, finding empyrean respite. His fingers worked her like a charm spell until she lost herself in the casted shadows of candlelight. Yet, it wasn’t her moans for him in the night nor the donation of her ichor that she gave willingly that surprised her: it was a piece of her trust.
“Perhaps it is because she engaged in quite the exhaustive venture last evening! Blood loss does have quite the effect on people. Or so I’m told,” Astarion cut in. “But, me? I feel wonderful!”
And he does look wonderful. His cheeks are less gaunt. Bags under his eyes are a calmer shade of powdery periwinkle. Eyes appear sharper, a brighter red. The sky blue coloring is more saturated in the prominent veins of his arms.
All his beauty and dangerous splendor are the reasons sonnets are made along the roadways of mud and intoxicating jasmine blooms. There are thousands of intricately weaved words inserted into poems to describe his ilk, like morning mist drops settled upon the threads of arachnids.
Tav cannot contain the lightness she feels when she sees Astarion. Her wings spread out, each feather hiding fragility under their vanes. Will he catch her slim feet as she flies away?
“Hey-o, you dandy! Ready to go gut some gobs today?”
Tav hushed the acrobats in her stomach. “Good dawn to you, ‘Starion.”
“Karlach. Songbird,” he greeted them equally. “You know I wouldn’t miss out on such a gutting show, however, I did come to check on our leader before we head out.”
Before she was able to speak, he had already sailed over to her upon muted silver heeled footsteps. She straightened her posture, suddenly aware that he is bent acutely at his waist, enough to reach out to kindly dust her fresh marks.
“How badly does it hurt?” His pale head tilted, curls slipping to the side.
The smell of his freshly applied perfumes addled her mind. His eyes, a clever decadence, held the knowledge of her ecstasies that she snuck to him during an impulsive need.
“Sorer than the wrist. Like a dull muscle ache from a cramp,” she congenially answered.
“Nothing you cannot surely triumph over. And how about everything else?” He breathed out.
The vampire does not attempt to mask his meaning or shy from the euphoria he exorcized from her body. He was brazen to ask her in front of their acquaintance.
A sharp intake of air blessed her partially opened mouth. Heavily did she swallow to control the overflow of her marching chest. “Fine. Everything else is fine.”
“Hmm. You know…,” Astarion whispered, a low distraction as she watched the tip of his tongue wet his lips. “I can still taste you on my fingers.”
This fancier of the bloodthirsty arts, has two sets of teeth. One with which to feed. The other with which to claim. For this elven bard, a bargain has been made.
She wanted to match him in his torturous tease. To pluck out his devil’s tongue and boil it in a spiritual cleanse.
But, there was fine print that sat on the curled edges of the pages of their pasts, smudged with fingerprints and laced with belladonna. Warnings of holes where their hearts lay; labyrinths of frozen gardens that have no end.
Tav had not forgotten the way their rousing decision ended the night prior—with his fingers covered in her fruit and her lips finding purchase upon his alabaster skin. The vague emptiness that enameled over his touch, apparent through the shadows of his eyes.
She had left his tent, with her sex loosened and a continual masturbatory bomb of fears that she had crossed a broken boundary of his that he didn’t yet understand.
“Astarion, there’s something I wanted to ask you about last night.” She willed her face to form into stone to show her sincerity, attempting to mouth it to him in hushed tones.
“Oh my sweet, you’re not getting mawkish on me now, are you? The only serious thing we need to discuss is when you’ll invite me back for another snack,” Astarion winked suggestively.
The bard continued her well-nigh unresponsive discretion of her features, ignoring Karlach’s pacing behind the pale elf. She stood up, a few inches shy of his natural height, placing her hands on her hips. Her jaw tightened, but she remained silent while she stared into his face.
There was a surprised look, as if she had just turned an entire ocean to desert. He avoided entertaining her with any further quips or illusions, instead, blinking several times before abruptly summoning his trained foxy slink to his face.
“Did you hear that? I think it’s our ghastly duty calling upon us to finally help those Silvanus freaks before they start complaining about ‘the leaves of nature being preserved.’ It may be wise to think of better songs to regale the goblins with then you did that foul ogre. Lest we wind up on the skewer. Now, if you’ll excuse me, ” he dramatically retorted as he casually checked the cleanliness of his nails.
Astarion gave the women a mannerful bow before he strode away without paying another peek in Tav’s direction.
Tav remained calm as he left, breathing out a long sigh. They needed to prepare for the assault on the goblins. He was a distraction—not necessarily an unwelcome one—but one with knobby roots twisted along the cloister inside his dried innards. If she didn’t get her shit together, a lot of people would die and their blood would be on her hands.
“I’m sorry about the interruption Karlach, he—”
Karlach took a long gulp of her drink, the ale dripping down onto her chin. Her face lit up, almost literally, with an excited smile. Tav knew immediately that the barbarian was far too astute in situations of sexual vices to not read the interaction that just occurred.
“Oh. My. Gods. That’s why you look like you’re glowing today! You and Astarion?! You fucked him, didn’t you?!”
The songtress’s vision widened and her face felt like it would burst into flames, much like the tiefling’s engine.
“Hells, Kar. Could you keep your voice down? We just—we kissed. A lot. And he obviously bit my neck to feed afterwards.” She pulled down the collar of her doublet to show her the punctures.
A white lie. Not entirely. She wasn’t one to share the details of her romanticisms with others. It was a preference to keep the echoes of intimate reflections as special moments; treasures discovered along the shipwrecks of life.
“Hey, I’m not judging! Astarion is gorgeous! Bit of a sassy grouch sometimes, but if I had my chance with him, I would not hesitate to get all over that.” The red woman made thrusting motions with her hips. “That being said—you don’t look entirely happy about it.”
Tav pursed her mouth, staring off to the right side of Karlach as she collected her thoughts. Her throat tightened as she spoke, delicately attempting to avoid providing any details she knew of the spawn’s past.
“You mentioned recently that you sensed Astarion has been through a lot of pain, but I’m unsure where that begins and ends for him. And that concerns me. Karlach, I don’t want to potentially hurt him further. I barely know him and it’s… look, I’m telling you this because I think out of everyone, you will understand.”
Karlach crossed her arms. A caring frown accompanied the orangish calm of her irises. “I won’t pry further, but Astarion seems to be fixated on his freedom. Can’t blame him. I am too with my own from Zariel. He can be a real piece of work, but even rotten scoundrels need a gentle hand sometimes. Maybe he hasn’t had that in a long time—if ever.”
The bard blew out the air she’d been holding in. “A gentle hand,” she repeated. “You’re right. Thank you for listening. It’s not easy to open up about these types of subjects. And I want what’s best for Astarion—everyone really—but I’m not sure he even knows what that is just yet.”
“I’ve got your back, Tav. Everyone in camp does—really. And shit will work out. Alright? We’re truly in this together, as sappy as that sounds.” The tiefling knocked back the rest of her drink, a glint of curiosity in her eyes. “Now, can you at least tell me how it was to kiss him? Please let me live vicariously through you.”
A merry laugh passed through Tav. She curled her index finger near her chin in thought. “Okay. Close your eyes and I’ll describe it to you. Imagine lips: Plush, supple, but chilled. Not frozen, but a pleasant degree—like sweetened cool milk soothing your warmed lips. As you press them against his, you can feel your heart quicken and slow at the same time. Your breath’s intertwine with warm and cold temperatures that elicit thoughts you’ve never had. And when your lips start to move? It feels like you’ve both committed the crime of lassoing the sun closer to you as you melt into one another.”
Karlach visibly shuddered, opening her eyes to Tav smiling gently at her. “It’s no wonder you’re a bard. I could almost feel that myself! Thank you, friend. I suppose we’ve wasted enough time talking about boys for the day—should we get things rumblin’?”
She politely nodded and turned around to round up her belongings. Rummaging aimlessly through her satchel, her brow furrowed in annoyance.
“Something the matter?” The tiefling questioned.
“Just something odd. I could have sworn I put it in here before I came to write.”
“Maybe I can help find it. What is it that we’re looking for?”
Lost in confusion, Tav held the purse upside down a final time to see if any items stumbled to the ground. “My cuticle oil.”
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When he woke from his trance in the early morning hours with dried blood cracking in the corners of his mouth, his vampiric nose involuntarily breathed in an alien scent that had seemed to fill his tent overnight.
Astarion’s clothes had stunk of Tav’s fragrance she was ever so fond of, having made homes for itself in the islands of stitches on his sleeves and ruffled v-neck. Bodily fluids, now dried on his ornamental pillows, a sexual honeyed musk. He wrapped his tongue around his finger, still tasting the glacé of her sensual defeat; a sour memory of their night together.
He reached for the rags he used to wipe off her bloodied essence from her upper body, scrunching them up to place under his nostrils. He inhaled without reserve and groaned. Cock half-hard, a reminder of the effect drinking from thinking creatures had on his hunger. A pink tongue darted out to clean off his mouth, swallowing the red flakes down.
Under the light of a candle, its single flame licking wicked pathways to her want, he had concealed his guise of disgust behind her shoulder. All he could remember was the act itself—that it happened. That his fingers entered her and he poetically spoke naughty phrases into her ear to anchor her wetness for him.
Trust. Trust. Trust. She gave it to him with the arch of her back into his chest. Just as he predicted. Just as he planned.
However, virtually all of the details of their intimacy—the night—were lost on him. Her face was another among the blur of thousands he seduced over two centuries. Up petticoats and down breeches he searched their bodies to steal their pleasures. His cock would only thicken out of trained habit or a rare wishful fancy of ravaging apart a neck from any creature without hisses and tails. It meant nothing to him.
Yet, a singular detail did remain. A place he entered beyond the second circle of hell in lust, a circle where it seemed like his death could be undone. A river of lyrics carrying him along a raft of flower-crowned skulls towards the banks of her merciful arms.
During the twilit minutes before he released her, he made the blunder of examining her eyes before their ravenous kiss. What he had seen was—acceptance.
And it scared the fuck out of him.
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“I am enjoying our walks together, aren't you Gale?” Astarion teased while they walked through the inner sanctum of the temple overtaken by the goblins.
“Um yes, in silence.” Gale leaned in towards him, whiffing his scent, “By the way, I don’t mean to pry, but did you apply more of your aromatic oils than usual? ”
He searched for a quick remark to hand to the wizard. “Only because I knew I’d be in your presence today.”
Half of the vampire’s morning had been dedicated to scrubbing. Crouched over a bucket of soapy water, Astarion had soaked his clothing and rags, ridding them of scents unknown. Of the lingering remnants of her. His skin raw from how hard he attacked his flesh with suds and woven cloth. The final touch? Excessive dabs of his oils in unusual places to cloy any bits leftover of her odor.
“The Priestess is up ahead. I’ll go speak with her. Wait here for a moment,” Tav’s melodious voice spoke reservedly to them.
No-nonsense. This was a part of her Astarion both equally appreciated and despised. Despite her penchant to offer her generosity to all of Faerûn, she pulled her punches. It was a waste of time to her otherwise and could be messy. Efficiency would deliver the most desired outcomes, but gods, he desperately wanted to create mischief at every turn.
Astarion, be sweet. Astarion, we don’t need to lockpick EVERY chest. Astarion, leave that ogre and bugbear having intercourse in the barn to fulfill their needs alone. Astarion, don’t have fun. Astarion, let’s save all these idiots!
”Astarion? Please don’t hurt me.”
Dizziness. Presumably from their encounter with the dream visitor in the prism as they came upon the entrance of camp a short while ago. It wanted to protect them against The Chosen. The Absolute. All their enemies. To give them power. Yes. Power was the most important ability to hold in all aspects. Power will usher forth freedom and protection. With power: the possibilities were endless.
Thrum-dub…thrum-dub…thrum-dub.
Pulses? Astarion felt the constellation of his soul mark beating mildly. Tav’s back faced him, her features obscured. Her body was hunched over minimally at the waist, hand at the side of her temple. His eyes narrowed, jaw taunt. Something happened.
Thrum-dub.Thrum-DUB. THRUM-DUB. THRUM. THRUM. DUB.
Faster now. Harder pounds of a pumping bass through the bandwidth of their marks. She was nervous—frightened. The threshold betwixt them was closing in as an invisible rope pulled him closer.
He flinched. Really, he should stay out of her way; he shouldn’t get involved. It was perhaps wicked to not divulge to her the shared marks they possessed, but it would change everything. His plans would become a brittle cascade of a future he sought. He didn’t want to disrupt the plank he had been trying to balance upon since his unintentional escape from Cazador. But, he’s aware that he needs her and she needs him.
Besides, what better way to obtain one’s help to a cause—his cause—than a life owed?
“They’re connected. Quickly, we need to do something! If we start attacking, Tav could be in danger.” Gale stepped forward, sweat trickling down the sides of his face.
Light were Astarion’s steps as he snuck upon Tav and Priestess Gut. The creator of his misery appeared stifled, her mouth partly opened with persistent shallow breaths. The tadpoles of the goblin and elf had connected; Tav was fighting to push it out. A dull whimpering snuck out from her throat as if a deer was jerking around in pain.
Astarion seized her elbow, declining his head to press his lips to the opening of her ear canal, nose softly resting against its shell. He whispered in elvish, a language only the two of them would know, steadying his voice firmly.
“She won’t see it. Nothing is going to hurt you. I’m here.”
The hex of the worms severed and she was free! Tav’s body slumped downwards, but faithful hands were catching her, grabbing at her arm to wrap around staunch shoulders—wrapping around the illusionary dripping silverlight he exuded.
“When did you…?” Her voice broke up in a hoarse muttered tone.
Giving her waist a confident squeeze, he smiled sweetly at her. “Hello beautiful. Think you can stand on your own?”
“Urgh...yes, I think so.”
“Splendid. As much as I detest putting you in that wizard’s care, do me a favor and go to him.”
The bard wobbled as she stood on her own, backing away towards Gale. “What do you plan on doing?”
Astarion removed one of his trusted blades from his back. Bringing it to his mouth, he licked the side of it, much like when he smothered his saliva over bitten wounds. “I plan on slicing open the Priestess’s neck. Now stand back—the smell of blood will be in the air soon.”
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Filets of goblin meat were a stark contrast against the erected statues of the temple dedicated to Selûne. Her lifeless face watched the companions as they carved through the vile threats. Ripped sashes of ruby life essence unwound in the drafty camp, splashing the group.
A witness Tav played, as she paid honor to Astarion’s image under the sparks of the wagon wheel chandelier inside the chambers of Dror Ragzlin. He stood soaked in ichor, peering off to his side; a final swoosh of his dagger through the atmosphere, flicking off excess blood. The dance macabre had been sated.
Flags of pure white raised, red fangs and swords embroidered in the middle. The belief of their crusade, a righteous seat upon golden scales. Raise thy sword in the name of murder. Let us pray.
All three leaders: Priestess Gut, the drow Minthara, and Dror Ragzlin—deceased.
“As you can see, ceremorphosis has been halted, as a surprise to all of us. I am not one to tempt fate, but if you cannot heal us, then any guided direction towards someone that could offer assistance would be most appreciated,” Gale explained hastily to the arch druid Halsin they released from the goblin prison.
Halsin casted a yellow glow that coated Gale’s entire body, sensing the mechanisms of the mind flayers. “Illithid tadpoles. Oak Father preserve you all. I’ve studied these for a long time now, without much results. It was the reason I came here, to seek out research. I may not be able to heal you, but I can at least tell you where a mass amount of true souls are going to be infected.”
The druid was large. Almost the size of the bear wild shape they had found him in. He towered over Tav easily. Scars upon his wise face, a set of misty tea irises surrounded by reddish brown hair that wafted of autumn leaves and sandalwood.
The bard was stunned. “You mean they aren’t all being captured upon a ship and given the worm as we have?”
“I’m afraid not. Moonrise Towers is a stronghold ruled by a man named Kethric Thorm in the Shadowlands. Innocents go in and true souls—infected—come out. The lands are dangerous. Anyone that steps foot there is at risk for turning into demonic shades,” Halsin spoke in caution. “You have two options to enter. Through the Mountain Pass or the Underdark. Both come with their own sets of tribulations. The Underdark specifically is home to a Sharran temple.”
Gale faced Tav, speaking in a muffled shallow. “Shadowheart may be quite interested in hearing about that bit of information.”
Focusing on the fine lines of Gale’s crow’s feet lifting upwards, she nodded. Her eyes swooped down to the strange circular marking in the middle of his chest, the way it seemed like tendrils of smoke sneaking up past his clavicle, to the side of his neck. A part of him, he frequently hesitated to speak on. But, being so close to the human man, she wondered what secrets lay under the surface of his skin.
“I know you’re curious about it—the marking, I mean. But, now isn’t the time to explain. Soon. I promise.” He gave her a reassuring compress on her shoulder. Tav nodded again, embarrassed that Gale had caught her staring.
Turning around, two crimson eyes followed her. Coveting and dark.
Thousands of flowers sprouted behind her as she went to him. With her tears, she would bathe his feet; with her hair, she would dry them. His armor drenched in blood, dripping onto the new growths left behind, urging petals open.
Thankful for his earlier care with the priestess, an inspirited hand graced the tips of Astarion’s fingers with delicate plumy touches as she briskly clenched hers around them before turning to leave the chambers.
“I owe you my life ‘Starion,” Tav whispered, peering away from him.
He deceitfully smiled. ”I’m sure there will come a time when I will need your help in return.”
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moonrevolutions · 1 month
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🎵
°✩₊˚.⋆ @escapedartgeek. meme. still accepting!
⋆。 ˚༘ ♫ cibo matto / ❝white pepper ice cream.❞
white pepper ice cream / it's like a line drawing / it snipped my heart / in my mouth, it stings my lips / it's like eclipse / as i'm in the crossword puzzle / but i can't fill the blank / it steels my sight / under cover of night.
i feel like triphop is one of those genres that follows vi through many, many verses; it's due to his default melancholy nature... he's just sad ya kno. cibo matto holds a special place here, as their music has been present on vi's audio players since the beginning in 2017!
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jsksksku · 3 months
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GOGHGORE PRESENTS, MAESSINA. — an indie, and private Beatrice Messina of Anyone But You written as an original character for multiple universes. sideblog to @gorerority.
CODE. VERSES. SIDEBLOG. SOUNDTRACK. PROMO. ♫
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sk8trboi · 7 months
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𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐘 𝐁𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐍 from 𝒉𝒔𝒎𝒕𝒎𝒕𝒔. multi-verse, hc present, and crossover friendly. semi-selective / priv. read rules before interacting. beta user. composed by mars, they/them, 21+. sporadic activity.
breakin' away from the broken hearts. no more mistakes, no more empty starts. i'm finally, finally free. new state of mind on the interstate. nobody takin' my life away. i'm finally, finally free.
rules under cut ♫ mirror ♪ verses tba ♫ prompts
basics. obligatory, don't be a dick. the usual no god-modding and be mindful. this blog is for fun and a casual safe-space. i work full time, so my activity will be sporadic. i am 21+ and ask writers to be at least 20. i won't be doing anything explicit.
dni if you support. xenophobia, racism, lgbtq-phobia, transphobia, anti-semitism, ableism, and overall bigotry.
following. following means i'd like to write and i've read your rules! that said, if it doesn't look like we're going to interact i may unfollow. but you're free to reach out again! atm i won’t be following any dupes unless it’s a multimuse. i probably won't follow back any side-blogs tied to a personal, sorry!
interactions. we do not have to be mutuals to interact! open starters are welcome for all unless noted as closed. feel free to send prompts/memes! i may not interact if i can't find your age on your blog. (on the note of memes, please reblog from source.)
crossovers. i am very crossover and au friendly! ocs welcome although prefer no children of my muse.
shipping. i love all types of ships, romantic or platonic. i go off chemistry, so open to explore all different ships. my ricky is queer, please don't erase that. i know some people hate nini or gina etc. ; none of that welcome here. they're both important to ricky. no cheating plots. do not use me for ships.
mains. i do partake in mains. if it clicks, it clicks! they're just who i go to first for plots/ideas. atm i don't have exclusives.
drama. please keep it to ic drama. if it's harmful, shoot me a msg so i can be made aware. petty drama though i will stay away from.
mun. mars, 21+, they/them. poc. please tag trypophobia and patterns.
graphics. icons, header, pinned are all mine. s3 gifs are from earthgif. sometimes i use icons ; sometimes i don't. depends on the mood. ♡
mains.
everdawn, penned by chels, blogwide
castlesfallen, penned by hayden, blogwide
fullstcp, penned by liz, gina porter
unitcd, penned by fabian, blogwide
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sakurarisen · 10 months
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♫☃♏
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Headcanon Time!
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♫:  three of my muse’s favorite songs
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Given Sera would honestly say anything traditional, soft, lyrical - Essentially she'd sit and listen to soft rock or local music, really, along with, ironically, the Stamp song from Remake, she'll never explain why - I'm gonna cheat and pick off my playlist for her. XD The top three would be Speechless - Naomi Scott, This Is Me - Kesha (which admittedly in more modern verses does make her cry when she's able to listen to it and is one of her primary theme songs), and Return of the Snow Queen - Phrynna <3 Though honestly anything Lindsey Stirling releases is also way there, both on her playlist (Foreverglow especially!) and as something Sera herself would listen to!
☃:  does my muse like the holidays?
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Sera loves them, especially christmas! There's something comforting about them, especially now that she's older, and she loves christmas especially for being a season where people are generous. For a few weeks out of the year, people reach deep into their heart and become kinder, gentler, more open - Things she wants to see all year round, and she hopes to eventually see the magic of christmas eventually stretch out past those few weeks.
She's also especially fond of holiday decorations - she never really got to see those as a child, and now that she has her own home and family, she's prone to going all out and decorating everything she can, especially if it's sparkly and shiny! <3 Sparkly easter eggs, glitter and fake snow, lights and sparkles... She loves all of it, and never fails to get lost in the magic of the holidays! <3
♏:  something my muse obsesses over
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TW: Abuse mentions ahead.
Tending to Zack's sword and doing chores. Although it's way too big and heavy for her, very nearly matching her height, Sera will stay up all night to clean it and make sure it's ready for use the following day, even if it doesn't appear to need tending to. Likewise, she's forgo sleep to get her household tasks done, or to run errands and take care of deliveries - If she has anything left to do at the end of the day, she simply can't sleep. It weighs on her and leaves her restless, and more than once Zack's woken in the middle of the night to her in the kitchen washing dishes rather than actually sleeping beside him.
In truth, it's not so much of an obsession, though it certainly presents itself as one, and is more in line with her traumas; Sera will call it a need to be a 'good kitty' to those close enough to her she feels safe being completely honest with, and it ties in both with her nickname of 'Kitten' from Zack and her past abuse. Being 'kitten' is something of a personal shield for her (for reasons I won't get into here because that's a meta/HC in and of itself) and serves as her last line of defense, and she desperately wants to be 'good' - She wants to be dependable. She wants to be reliable. Upbeat. Not a bother. Helpful. Someone people look at and smile, not roll their eyes and get tired of whenever she's in the same room as them.
If she gets everything done she needs to, nobody has a reason to complain about it. If his sword is clean and tended to, it's one less weight on his shoulders, and one less task he has to worry about. If she can keep the kitchen clean then nobody can worry about it, or call her out on it not being sparkling. Work done on time, or even better early, means nobody else is put out because of her. She's not a disappointment, and nobody will be angry or upset or disappointed in her. She's kitten, and she's been good and helpful!
....Right?
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sincerelyalie · 2 years
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“in record time” - a playlist play-by-play
⋆。˚ ❀ *⋆。˚ ❀ *⋆。˚ ❀ * listen here! + follow me on spotify :) ⋆。˚ ❀ *⋆。˚ ❀ *⋆。˚ ❀ *
playlist: in record time description: truly devastating music 
playlist context: felt like breaking my own heart on the way to visit my aunt in irvine by clicking “go to radio” on the saddest song i know (track ii). these songs will make you feel like that cat down there sitting in the washing machine.
disc: i wrote this at 6am T_T
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track i: ‘i love you but i need another year’ by liza anne ♫ ♪ 🎵 ♩
golden line:
i can’t salvage your mind while i’m losing mine
the title for this track speaks for itself. the narrator can feel herself slipping in the things she says and activities she engages in, directly stating that she a) knows for certain that she won’t make the safest choices and b) likely needs a diagnosis on a feeling she can’t place, presumably a mental illness. in the chorus, anne tells her lover that “[she doesn’t] want to drag [them] through it”, ‘it’ being the year of self-growth and perhaps therapy that she knows is necessary for her own sake. her partner appears to be willing to support her, but anne laments that they’re “sticking around but how can [they] stand it?” this track differs from the others in that neither party appears to want the relationship to end just yet, but the narrator is faced with the choice between breaking her partner’s (and her own) heart now, or doing the same thing down the line when their relationship no longer becomes sustainable due to their personal struggles. anne’s lyrics leave audiences some listeners wondering if they’d be willing or able to identify when they themselves ‘need another year’, while others will question what might have happened if they’d waited that year when they needed it. 
~~~
track ii: ‘night shift’ by lucy dacus ♫ ♪ 🎵 ♩
our titular track! (see ‘regaining my self worth in record time’ in verse ii.
golden line: the entire refrain. all of it.
you got a 9 to 5, so I'll take the night shift
and I'll never see you again if I can help it
in five years I hope the songs feel like covers
dedicated to new lovers
unpopular opinion: no contact is overrated. not in the sense that it doesn’t work (it does), but because no one talks enough about the toll that distancing yourself from one person can take on your relationships and lifestyle on the whole. dacus does this in her refrain, where she offers herself up for the “night shift” as opposed to the 9-5 that her ex works. taking the night shift to avoid contact with them means she’ll have to face the physical and mental consequences: isolation from friends and family who are also working the more popular 9-5, upheaving her schedule and making herself unavailable in key social hours, and losing out on sleep to take the shift that no one wants in order protect herself. regardless of whether dacus emerges emotionally stronger or more “moved on”, she’s had to dramatically change the entire structure of her life to allow herself to heal, compounding on the initial loneliness of the split. in order to move on, a sort of hopeless injustice has to first be created and radically accepted, no matter how unfair.
~~~
track iii: ‘right where you left me’ by taylor swift ♫ ♪ 🎵 ♩
golden line: 
‘they expected me to find somewhere, some perspective, but i sat and stared’
personally, songs by widely loved mainstream artists that are about losing in love don’t hit as hard because their popularity creates a disconnect where it feels odd to see them present a narrative of grief and rejection. however this song’s cinematic imagery combined with brutal, vulnerable honesty of being stuck in a life-shattering moment while everyone and everything moves on around you. the narrator comments on how “everybody moved on” and cries for help, revealing that she’s still metaphorically stuck in the restaurant booth where her partner called off the relationship— right where they left her. a slow-motion memory unfolds as the verses continue, and the narrator describes in beautiful detail the night— the moment— that she’s forever frozen in. the world never stops, even for a second, and memories feel like chains when you can’t move from where they hold you.
golden line runner up: ‘breakups happen every day, you don’t have to lose it’
~~~
anyway, this has been me doing analysis on song lyrics to dodge the analysis i have to do on an aplac passage. thanks for tuning in to my 6am song reviews :))
sincerely, alie ♡
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sternenteile · 2 years
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Any celebrations for you this winter?
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he glances up  from his spot in the middle of the comet observatory's library, covered in tinsel from prancing lumas, their merriment making a mess of the place. he has a plate of holiday cookies in his lap, crumbs of his heinous acts dotting his mouth. from beneath the santa claus hat he's proudly wearing, geno owlishly blinks.
❝ — was there ever any doubt? ❞
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putschki1969 · 2 years
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KEIKO’s 2nd Album “dew” AVAILABLE NOW in DIGITAL FORMAT - REVIEW
It’s officially past midnight in Japan so you can now purchase and stream KEIKO’s 2nd album “dew” on various Japanese sites/platforms. Even if you ordered a physical copy, please consider ❗SUPPORTING KEIKO❗ in any way you can! Especially if you are eager to listen to the brand new songs and don’t want to wait for your package to arrive!
• ————— ¤ ♫ ¤ ————— •
BUY it on mora (TUTORIAL here) | BUY it on Ototoy (no proxy required)
BUY it tomorrow in your local iTunes store!  
• ————— ¤ ♫ ¤ ————— •
2021/12/07 Tweet by KEIKO
Good evening. It’s past midnight so it’s the release day of my 2nd album “dew”. I started 2021 making music together with Tsunku, then I participated in Yuki Kajiura’s tour, the year became even more fun when I met eji and made music with her...With 「Lantana」 and now 「dew」 I am collecting more and more music that is precious to me. Thank you to everyone from the bottom of my heart. I am so happy, honestly, thank you ♡ KEIKO (Source)
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Review/Overall thoughts: Keiko has pulled it off, guys. She is now officially a living and breathing cello. Blown away by how she is using both her lower and higher register here. Her low notes are impeccable as always but her high notes are also so smooth, melodious and strong, not at all flat, screechy or breathy. She is creating beautiful contrasts that make her songs feel so much more vivid and vast. I think the more toned down nature of the album has given her the opportunity to polish her vocals and truly master the art of singing in a higher register in a way that’s actually flattering to her. I have never made it a secret that I prefer Keiko using her deeper voice but this album has made me truly appreciate all the things she can do with her voice. In her 1st album she had a lot of songs that made her sing in quite unflattering ranges, some of those tracks still give her trouble during live performances and more often than not I find her voice grating. But with her 2nd album that’s not really the case. Generally I would say that I am least impressed with the “old” tracks (i.e. “Sakura wo Goran”, “Michite wa Kakeru” and “Waratte Yaru”) since there is a lot of kinda unflattering high-pitched singing happening in those. None of these songs are bad per se,  I don’t mind hearing them performed live but I wouldn’t go out of my way to listen to them. As for the new tracks, the only song I absolutely cannot get behind is “Revolution” and I have honestly no idea if I will ever be able to overcome my dislike.
1. Nobody Knows You: Written by Yosuke Saito Honestly perfection and such an epic introduction to this noticeably darker album. I am not sure why but I wasn’t 100% sold on it when we first got to hear the song during her fan club event this summer. I liked the verses and I loved the bridge but the chorus was only “meh” (and a tad obnoxious) in my opinion. By now she has performed it on multiple occasions so I have had some time to let everything sink in properly. I have officially reached a point where I can appreciate all parts (even the chorus XD). "Nobody Knows You” has already become a KEIKO staple for me and I can’t imagine a live where she doesn’t sing this. She absolutely SLAYS and provides the necessary gravitas with her striking vocals to complement the grim and fatalistic worldviews presented in the lyrics. Also glad they finally decided to incorporate some cello into her music. 2. 通り雨: Written by eji/KEIKO What can I say? Flawless. From the get-go I was in love with this. I am a ballad-girl and while I am not drawn to all types of ballads, this one certainly hits the right spot. The somber melody with its gorgeous strings/piano arrangement blends perfectly with Keiko’s tragic vocals.  3. 桜をごらん:  Written by Tsunku Doesn’t do much for me. I don’t like it but I don’t hate it either. Pretty bland and her singing style isn’t my cup of tea. Still a bit bummed that an apparently prolific composer like Tsunku couldn’t come up with something a bit more outstanding for Keiko. Very reminiscent of her 1st album. It goes back to what I said earlier about her voice sometimes sounding a bit too grating. I will say though that looking at the album as a whole, it was a good idea to place the song in this spot since it is a nice reprieve after the first two tracks which are quite dramatic and dark. 4. ミチテハカケル: Written by RamSeeni/Shiki Tono As far as up-tempo, rock-ish songs go, this one is pretty solid, I enjoy listening to it. Not as good as “endroll” from her 1st album but better than “Waratte Yaru”. The song does a good job of adding a bit of oomph to the album - although I personally don’t think it was needed. Would have been happy with an album full of ballads and medium-tempo songs XD It almost feels a bit jarring but it goes well with the follow-up track “Latte”. 5. ラテ: Written by Haruo Yoda/KEIKO/Takuma Sato A ton of fun. Didn’t expect to like the “future-funk” elements so much. As the name would suggest, the song is super funky and playful. Also surprised by the rather long instrumental sections in between. There is really not much happening here vocal-wise. No wonder the genre is known as Japanese disco music. Perfect background music for your everyday activities to get motivated. 6. 八月の空: Written by eji/KEIKO I feel like “Sakura wo Goran” and “Hachigatsu no Sora” are quite similar, as in they are both a bit too basic and borderline bland, BUT the latter is Keiko’s very first composition so I am much more forgiving of it.XD The “haha” parts make the song downright addictive and Keiko’s vocals are so much better here than they are in “Sakura wo Goran”. 7. 現実のメタファー: Written by KEYTONE Solid but nothing to write home about. I am curious why they chose to release this in advance. Probably because it was the only remaining up-beat song in the tracklist. 8. キミガネムルカラ: Written by eji/KEIKO I am pleasantly surprised to see Keiko get so many composition credits or maybe this refers to her writing the lyrics (not sure how Spotify’s crediting system works). I love classical music so I am all over the extended instrumental part. For others this track might be too uneventful and short but I think it’s captivating in its simplicity. Just wish there would be even more emphasis on the cello in the studio version. I am spoiled by the live version which has such impressive cello parts throughout the entire song and not just during the interlude. 9. 笑ってやる: Written by Aoi Yamazaki/rui(fade)/Kōsuke Ōshima Another song I am pretty indifferent about. Nothing to say really... 10. Revolution: Written by XYZ The instrumental at the beginning actually sounds quite promising but then the song turns into what we have already heard in the teaser and it doesn’t really change or improve until the end. By far my least favourite track of all the new songs. I don’t see myself coming to like this as I did with “Inochi no Hana” (which was also composed by XYZ). XYZ seems to have a very specific style that might work for Korean drama background music but not really for Keiko...Meh, not happy. 11. Lost: Written by Haruka Kato/koshin *sobs* I am in awe. The teaser wasn’t able to prepare me for the full version. In my opinion this is pretty close to a masterpiece. Not because it is particularly unique or new, quite the contrary actually, I would say the song uses a lot of very old and familiar Kayōkyoku motifs that make it into an instant classic, a true gem. The melody line appeals to me on so many levels, I can barely contain my feelings. Now I also know what they meant by Celtic elements, the intro in particular is super lovely (wish we would have gotten even more of that sprinkled throughout the song). 12. Burn In The Wind: Written by koshin/YHANAEL No complaints from me whatsoever. A nice feel-good ballad with some country vibes that work surprisingly well for Keiko. In my head this is Keiko paying tribute to Taylor Swift XD The soft-rock elements make this even better and remind me of some old-school power ballads.
In total, there are five standout tracks which I would give a solid 10/10 rating (”Nobody Knows You”, “Toori Ame”, “Kimi Ga Nemuru Kara”, “Lost” and “Burn In The Wind”). All of them just SCREAM “Keiko” to me. Not sure if Keiko put together the album with a concept in mind but I definitely feel like as a whole it represents her much better than the first one did and thus I automatically appreciate it more. And even though Keiko claims that she sang all these songs in a reserved manner and “without emotion”, I cannot help but feel like her singing is much more expressive than it used to be, it has a very raw and rich quality to it.
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mollylamble61-blog · 6 years
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You Can Check out The 'Gal Encounters Planet' Opened Online Today.
There are actually many folks on earth that are locating the best individual for them who will be their companion for the remainder from their lifestyles. The result takes about 24 to Two Days to come but in our instance this happened within a time and our team were extremely pleased to recognize the end result considering that our team wanted a child girl and the end result revealed that my partner had actually perceived a female.
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Dating internet solution is exciting as well as practical, since you may find your love as well as romance in the comfort from your residence. Our company sat down on the couch, our company start creating some verses down, I resemble, ♫ She is actually simply a girl and she performs fire ♫ Higher than a fantasy ♫ Hotter than a follower ♫ Lonely like a freeway It is actually just flowing, boom, boom, boom.
However, rest assured, those four product lines were actually mentioned to this girl possibly 10 opportunities each presently in the last day or two( I've watched that). Much of these PotPie Gal One Full week Advertising Program materials are actually likely to either assistance hop begin your service or have your present organisation one stage additionally done in a simple to observe bit by bit resource. A more comprehensive effort to reduce hooking in Jersey City, that included reverse stings to reduce need, led to a 75 percent decline in prostitution, baseding upon a 2006 record pointed out popular Forum, an on-line resource for combating trafficking. You can easily look for a best match and quickly you are going to satisfy the gal from your desires. This normally happens when you are actually not knowledgeable on what to speak about along with a lady throughout your day, hence this makes your time a comprehensive failing. Ladies ENJOY peace of mind and also dominance which great people CERTAINLY NEVER radiate - they are too worried from carrying out something she won't as if and it will cause them losing the girl. A content control system assists in dealing with the required consistency all through the website page further delivering an improved exposure and hence creating it search-engine pleasant. I am actually certainly not heading to evaluate the that our company've left on the table, however my digestive tract informs me in being out and talking to the shops that I've seen enough smoke cigarettes where the retail stores seem like they have not had the supply to actually assist business where I understand that our team have a possibility in certainly not a great deal more supply however remaining to harmonize the stock and also acquire this much more responsible for as well as confidently behind a few of our perceptions. By watching your PH amounts you can identify when you are actually acid as well as not will certainly give you a better possibility for a gal. Opportunities are you will certainly strike click the up coming site internet and logon to some social media site to participate in an ever raising internet of on the web gamers! In 1876, her hunting detachment was ordered to the location of the Major Horn Stream for spy. That's when she is actually pushed from responsible for as well as drilled by yet another lady status facing her. Our on-line companies remain to be actually solid, along with a 11% growth in go-forward types at Victoria's Top secret and 16% growth at Bath & Body system Works.
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sternenteile · 2 years
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nobody, absolutely nobody  spoke, not a soul... until...
❝ —— i would choose piplup. ❞ ... the bumpty bias inquisition stormed into the mushroom kingdom.
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sternenteile · 2 years
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waking up hurts.
it makes no sense that  the light of dawn would sting his eyes this badly —— the eyes of a star, no less, a being vivid with light —— but it does. the doll shouldn’t make him this susceptible... but wait... he’s not inside of the doll, is he? he’s loose, nay, laid bare in what seems to be something of a vast, white wasteland. small nubs peel away from his face, exposing the full extent of what he’s facing to his gaze. it’s... nothing. it’s just nothing.
then, a voice——
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❝ it took you long enough. ❞
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❝ wh—— ❞ the little star whirls around, only to be confronted by another. their appearance is unmistakable. the spherical form, the jutting spikes of black matter erupting from their body, the harsh glare of red eyes—— a dark star. why? where did they come from?! this is an obviously urgent matter! the power of a dark star is nothing to sneeze at! he needs—— he needs to——
❝ what, about to call your dear master eldstar for help? ❞ the blasted thing cackles, glowing red thinning into slits. ❝ can’t do it alone, can you? since when do you need to rely on that old cretin to do anything for you? as if he ever has? ❞
they... read his mind? are they really reading his mind? it makes his very plasma run cold as ice. his mouth dangles open. ❝ it’s not... i-it’s—— i have to put my personal feelings aside—— ❞
❝ ha! hahaha! ❞ the hatred dripping from this thing’s voice is thick as blood. ❝ your personal feelings? if you actually stuck to those, you wouldn’t even bat an eyelash at that moron. seriously? are you that dense? as stupid as he is? ❞
that’s plenty to rile him up. this thing... this monster knows every single way to poke at his most sensitive topics. geno grits his teeth. ❝ who are you to even spew that bull at me? you think you know me so well?! ❞
❝ of course i do. ❞ the enraged star spirit is about to toss his rebuttal, but the dark star silences him before he manages a peep. ❝ who do you think i am? don’t be so daft! you know who you’re talking to. you may as well be looking right in the mirror. ❞
geno could spit cobra venom at this, this abomination right about now. ❝ i’m nothing like you! don’t you dare insinuate—— ❞
❝ i am you. ❞
❝ will you cut it out already? cut the cr—— ❞
❝ i literally am you. ❞ they tilt their head... their body? ❝ don’t you remember? halloween? you’ve been waking up in weird places, haven’t you? the fields, the graveyards, the cornstalks, the pumpkin patches... ❞
geno’s mouth runs dry. ❝ the magic of halloween town——? ❞
❝ ding ding ding! haha, wow. ❞ the dark star rolls their eyes. ❝ i thought we were smarter than that. i’m hurt—— ❞
they choke as they’re viciously cut off, geno’s real body slamming into them with the power of a hissing prankster comet. eyes stare wildly down at this manifestation, livid out of his mind. the dark star doesn’t even flinch. ❝ there’s no we in this equation! halloween’s almost over, and when it is, you’re toast. ❞
❝ alas, yeah... though, am i really? ❞ they notice their light counterpart rearing back for another attack, and immediately, they bring up a shadowy shield. ❝ hey, chill! i’m not here to fight! tsk—— you may as well have the brain of a smilax! ❞
geno snarls. ❝ then what do you want?! ❞
❝ it’s simple. ❞ they breathe in, eyes slipping shut. ❝ look at me. you fear me, don’t you? do you know what all i’m capable of? think about it. think of what you can do... and how much worse it would be if i did it. the power to even defeat your own mother, she who watches the whole of the cosmos... power that only comes once in a blue moon to us star spirits. you are afraid of that, aren’t you? ❞
geno can’t even manage a response. he just watches as they ascend above him, whirling lazily around his head.
❝  now, imagine how much they fear it. ❞
it all clicks into place then, and if anything, it only makes him more frustrated. ❝ is that what this is all about? let me guess, you want me to feel bad for what the council did to me? ❞
❝ hah! no way. ❞ the dark star, himself, faces his frazzled expression. ❝ quite the opposite, even. wouldn’t you like... to experience their fear firsthand? ❞ no matter how many times geno attempts to interject, they seem to know how to shut him up before he utters a word. ❝ face it. you hate what they did to you. you’re, in fact, way too soft. the fact that you haven’t taken vengeance of any kind yet is asinine. i can only do so much as a figment of halloween town’s curses, but together... ❞
their eyes swirl, bearing into him with malice unlike anything he’s ever seen, all bred from hurt. centuries, centuries of hurt are in those eyes.
❝ we can make them regret doing everything they ever did. ❞
finally, they allow him a little breathing room. they back away slightly, hovering expectantly in their endless void. geno’s expression goes through a mixture of things all at once —— confusion, anger, anguish, contempt —— but in the end, it all settles onto one sense of finality: exhaustion.
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❝ you... just don’t get it, do you? ❞
❝ oh, going to argue with me about it, are you? let me guess, you forgive them? ❞
❝ no! stars, no. geez, ❞ remarks geno with a palm shoved into his face. ❝ maybe you were right about one thing. maybe you really are stupid. who said anything about forgiving them? way to make a leap bigger than mario. ❞
now it’s their turn to be speechless. geno hardly has the time to sort through his thoughts, but frankly, he doesn’t need to. his response comes cut and dry, raw and unfiltered.
❝ i’m not going to just go around and start fights to make myself feel better. for what? what’s it going to solve? my feelings for them aren’t changing, and theirs for me aren’t changing either. besides, as much as i hate to admit it, i don’t want to hurt them. i don’t want to see them suffer. i just want them to leave me alone. don’t you get that? don’t you want that, too? you just want it to stay done and over with, right? if you’re really me, then you know what i’m talking about. ❞
the dark star deflates slightly. it seems it’s working... or something. to that, geno faintly senses that small amount of sympathy. it’s weird, though, isn’t it? feeling this way for himself, yet he does, approaching with care to place a nub on their side. they don’t react to it.
❝ so you don’t care, ❞ they concede. ❝ you’ll just forget about it—— like we don’t deserve any better. ❞
❝ yeeeah, no. quit saying stuff like that. i’ll never forget it, and i’ll never forgive them. what i think it is... ❞ geno’s eyes shut. ❝ i want... to get why they did it. you’re right. i am afraid of you. if that’s what they feel, i get that. it doesn’t excuse anything, but i get it. you know what i... you know what we can do with that knowledge, though? what we can do if we understand their side? ❞
the dark star begins to quiver. geno does, too, but with the fiercest determination behind his watchful eye.
❝ we can prevent it from happening to anyone else. ❞ he gives a tiny bob of his body. ❝ we don’t have to hurt. we can help. i don’t mean helping the council, but helping all the other stars who might be hurting in the exact same way. getting why they did it and refusing to forgive them... can co-exist, can’t they? just like how our bad feelings can exist without making us bad people —— like how we can both exist, right? we can make something better out of this instead of just... destroying. we don’t have to be a couple of doormats to do that. ❞
a sniffle from his darker self prompts geno to nuzzle their foreheads together, to which their body wracks with a sob. knowing well what they feel, what he feels, he gives a bitter smile.
❝ i-if you... if things had been any different, ❞ is the last thing the dark star tells him, ❝ you would be just like me. ❞
geno exhales. ❝ i know. ❞ the world grows dark around him, and the sensation of another body to his begins to fade. ❝ i know. ❞
he doesn’t fear the rise of dawn, of actual sunlight, when it finally comes.
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sternenteile · 2 years
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he was given a gyroid,  but alas... it seems it isn’t really working. as he holds it, it just kind of... does... nothing? shakes it up and down??? hello???
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sternenteile · 2 years
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❝ by the way, did you know that——  a mushroom from a doctor a day... makes you gay? it’s supposed to be like apples. ❞
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sternenteile · 2 years
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 @lapinferno​.
"just stop caring about time, it's fake anyways"
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❝ the only time that exists  is snackadiddly doo time.
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❝ ... that’s what the lumas call it, not me. ❞
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sternenteile · 2 years
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M!A you're cgi polar express tom hanks for the rest of the day
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❝ — i think you mean tom hank. ❞
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sternenteile · 2 years
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shoves a whole slice of pie into his mouth in one go.
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