#❝ — ruby && john // wreck of our hearts. ❞

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 2

Ambush on the Sucrosi Road

And we’re back for our first battle episode! Are you feeling trepid my guys, cause I sure am.

You’re Dead and Here’s Your Mini

You’ll remember that, at the end of the episode, the Candia Caravan had stopped in the road because of a fallen tree--the universal fantasy fiction indication for an impending ambush--and Ruby was unceremoniously dropped to zero HP. But don’t worry! Brennan is here with all the missing ceremony at the top of this episode! And by ceremony, I mean we get the most graphic, visceral, bloody description of bodily harm we’ve ever gotten in an episode of D20 as the arrow pierces her neck and she goes unconscious. In her unconscious state, she’s on a trapeze, swinging from one bar to another that seems to be either getting closer or farther away. A voice in the inky black that surrounds her tells her to bring it towards her. We fade out from the vision and that brings us into the combat proper.

So that’s the very chill place this episodes starts.

With Ruby down, everyone else springs into action. Liam does his ranger thing and reveals a hidden enemy--which is like finding a roach in your house: You *know* there’s no such thing as a single roach. Jet tries to snatch Ruby into the carriage but when she loses her grip, she opts to instead threaten Lapin--Heal my sister or I’ll reveal you’re working for the Sugarplum Fairy--and hop on top of the stopped carriage to use herself to shield her sister from any further damage. She also activates the Locket of the Sweetest Heart--a split friendship locket the two of them have which gives advantage on saving throws if the other person is within 5 feet--so she’ll have help on her next death save which happens right away. She gets a success with two 13s, which gives her 1 save, 1 fail (I assume from getting hit by a second arrow--ranged attacks while down count as a fail and melee attacks count as two. Yikes!).

In her mind, Ruby uses Mage Hand to bring the trapeze bar closer to her and, as she does so, she sees a pair of smiling purple eyes and hears a voice say, “You are gifted in the ways of the arcane. It seems that my brother has made quite a family for himself.” Ruby gasps. “Are you my aunt?” The voice tells her to take good care of her bow. She’ll need it.

On Amethar’s turn, he clocks a bunch more hidden archers and hears that they’re speaking Carnish (the meat language) but (and Jet especially notices this because she speaks Carnish) they’re speaking it brokenly and with weird (vaguely French-y) accents. And the arrow that hit Ruby is baconsteel, but the archers look weird. Like, it’s less that they’re made of meat and more like they’re *wearing* meat, and it smells like it’s rotting (which, hey Brennan? Gross). Something’s up.

Amethar, charges out and goes into a rage--pouring cola onto himself and letting the pop rocks of his body explode out (extremely cool flavoring for that), doing 2 points of damage to anyone in the immediate vicinity. Jet, still over Ruby’s unconscious body, narrates this all to her, because Emily Axford never lets a moment for an emotional gut punch go to waste.  

Amethar gets a Nat 20 with his first attack and hits the nearest enemy hard enough to cut through the meat. Underneath, he smells stinking cheese. 

But then, it’s the enemies’ turn and Amethar is absolutely beset. A couple of enemies go after the others’ but five enemies go for him and all hit, bringing him down to less than a third of his HP in one round of combat (down to 10). And they’re not messing around. They are really and truly trying to murder him specifically. 

Thank the Sugarplum Fairy or the Bulb if you prefer that Lapin’s turn is next. He scrambles to the top of the carriage and casts Cure Wounds on Ruby which brings her back to full because first level rogues are so so weak you guys. Lapin goes through the Bulbian motions but Jet, who is closeby, can smell the sugary magic energy from his true patron. She doesn’t much care though since it means Ruby’s back and she promises her silence. Lapin also tosses Amethar a d6 of healing with his bonus action.    

Theobold hits a nat 20 to do a good bit of damage then action surges and casts Compelled Duel with his sword--Battlepop the Broadscicle--to force the Captain of the attackers (who rolls a Nat 1 save) to 1v1 him to take some heat off of the king. 

Ruby and Jet are forced to confront the possibility that Lapin and Theobold might be...cool? Really, all the old dudes this fight are kinda badass--Calroy also hits a nat20 and is kicking ass all fight (also, his pants are on point--I think this is only the second time in d20 pants have ended up being *A Thing* (John Feathers) but that still feels like a lot for *pants*).   

The fight continues! 

Jet fights alongside her super proud dad and does a bunch of damage but doesn’t quite get a killing blow which she blames on Theobold’s refusal to teach her one last episode. The brigands continue to strategically try and take out Amethar and Lapin judiciously uses his precious few heals to let him drop and then bring him back instead of blowing all his heals at once--stressful but effective. Also, Sir Theo comes in clutch and uses his shield--Swirldwarden--to, as a reaction, take one of the attacks that would have F’d him up.

Ruby shoots the leader of the cheese brigands--at this point everyone knows that these are cheese people disguised as meat people--and, spurred on by some new, hazy awareness from her near death experience, uses her once per day grasping arrow (an Arcane Archer ability) to hold the captain in place and make him take damage if he moves. Amethar goes back into a rage after having gone down, teaching us that when he does that, it hits enemies and allies alike. On the baddies’ turn, the captain tries to move and gets obliterated by Ruby’s arrow. This is super clutch, not just because he was going after Amethar, but he also gave +1d4 to all attacks to all of his guys of which there are/were many. 

Amethar goes down again and, on his turn, Lapin heals him, and then wrecks some of the brigands with a very un-Bulbian blast of candy energy, though he continues to insist that it’s all above board. On her turn, Jet gives her half of the locket to her dad in case he drops again (not how it really works since it requires attunement but Brennan allows it this time since it’s her dad). One of the attackers tries to hit Jet but between her once-per-day shield with Flickorice and Theo imposing disadvantage, she’s unscathed. 

Our Daily Bread

You’ll remember from last episode that the caravan was on their way to meet an Imperial escort. Well, they finally show up to help, led by a young Ceresian Centurion Commander (they confirm later it’s the guy they were supposed to have been meeting--Commander Constano Grissini--wonder if him showing up was like an “after x rounds of combat” story event or if it was based on something else). Ruby (very conspicuously) casts Fog Cloud around her dad to try and make it harder for anyone to hit and drop him again. Brennan makes her roll an Insight check and on a 12, tells her nothing which is the most maddening thing a DM can do to you.

With the extra help, they’re able to end the fight pretty quickly after that without any casualties (tiny violins for Brennan because, lbr, the house always eventually wins--it’s only a matter of time before he gets one of them). Theobold wanted to keep one enemy alive for questioning but the Tartguard didn’t quite get the memo and skewered the last guy. Lapin is very suspicious of Grissini but his 23 Insight check tells him this is a straight up guy who would have been ruined if anyone here had died. However, he also notices that Grissini won’t look Ruby in the eye. Calroy quietly comes up to Ruby and tells her that, while she did a good job this fight, things are about to get very complicated and she should be a loooot more careful with any future magic she does. She seems confused by her own abilities and mentions she saw her aunt Lazuli while she was passed out but Calroy shushes her before she says anything else incriminating. It seems we didn’t get the full picture of how frowned upon non-Bulbian magic is outside out Candia. 

Lapin rolls to cover for Ruby with Grissini and says that her magic is Bulbian and Brennan rolls in the Box of Doom to see if he buys it. 10 or higher and he knows something’s up. We don’t get the result (though it *looked* like a 1) but he either buys it or plays along.

Theobald investigates the area (with help from his living sprinkle/dog Sprinkle who I haven’t mentioned before but gives him the help action in battle) but doesn’t find any info they didn't already have. However, he does notice that there aren’t any steeds around, which he interprets to mean they didn’t get there through outlaw means (ie: ride in on your horse, steal a bunch, ride out).  

Calroy pulls aside Lapin and Theobald and says that even though they may have been able to convince Grissini, all of his men also saw Ruby doing forbidden magic and if word gets out it’ll be a problem. They need to make a plan and they need to be very careful about how they tell Amethar because if he finds out they “know how he’ll solve the problem.”

Ominous!      

Things I’m Concerned About

So something I talked about while this episode was happening (and something that Brennan talked about during the talkback afterwards but in slightly different terms) is that the enemy NPC Battle effectiveness has, like, changed from “Saturday Morning Cartoon Minion” to “Art of War Scholar”. No one came into this like, “Let’s have an epic fight!” It was like, “We need to murder one specific guy as quickly as possible.” This isn’t a world where you can spend several rounds trying to jump on tables for cool points. This is a world where you need to be paying full attention even when it’s not your turn and everyone figured that out pretty quick. This is the most tense I’ve ever been during a d20 battle episode and this was only the first one! Amethar--the *Barbarian*--dropped THREE times. He ran out of rages which I didn’t even know was a thing! The fact that everyone made it out of the battle alive was really a miracle! Like, everyone was strategic and played well but if Ruby hadn’t won that Grasping Arrow roll off (Siobhan: I love gambling!), if Lapin hadn’t been perfectly placed in the initiative to feed Amethar heals right after he dropped, if just a couple of things had gone differently, they could have been so screwed. 

Oh, and you know what else? Rezzes don’t exist in this world! Like, I think we all kinda figured but we got confirmation this week on Adventuring Party. It makes total sense. It is absolutely the correct choice for the setting. But, God, does it ratchet up every single round of combat. Every single decision. Every one of Lapin’s limited heals. Like, RIP Zac. What a season to play the party healer. Ally and Lou got off easy. (Note: The Spare the Dying cantrip does exist though at least, which isn’t a powerhouse spell but it’s not nothing).   

I’m concerned about Jet’s flirting! First Thad now this hot Italian breadstick soldier guy? Like, usually I’d be like do you girl but, like, romantic entanglements are a quick way to get in a lot of trouble, up to and including death in a world like this! This is the “actions have consequences” season! 

On the exact opposite end of the spectrum, Liam doesn’t seem to have any interest in romantic entanglements which doesn’t always go over well if you’re a royal. He’s not directly in line for anything important it seems since he had so many older brothers, so maybe he can skate by. But last episode, Caramelinda did seem to be pushing him a little bit in that direction--saying he could get out of exile earlier if he got hitched--and I feel like there’s a good chance this becomes a bigger issue for him.

If we have a false flag attack AND and an attempted assassination in episode TWO, what are we escalating to, huh? Where are we going that that’s where we’re STARTING? 

I could have mentioned this last episode but I’m glad I waited until this episode because it underlines the point even better. I’m *very* concerned about the religious politics of Calorum. In the first episode we got kind of a sense that things were different in Candia versus the rest of the world but this ep it was less of a “sense” and more of a concrete fear that someone was about to start gossiping about having seen Goody Ruby with the devil. And we knew from last episode that Lapin is secretly in league with the Sugarplum Fairy but Brennan used the word heretic in the talkback which feels a *lot* more dire but...yeah, is accurate. Plus, one of the girls’ aunt is St. Citrina, clearly a respected figure in the Bulbian faith, so there’s obviously Lore to unlock there. Look, a lot of going on and none of it feels very chill. Lapin better keep nailing all of his deception checks.  

And, to drill down a little deeper, I’m very concerned that Ruby--who has presumably been told that magic is banned in the rest of the world, decided to illegally cast a spell in front of a ton of people--including Imperials--while loudly shouting “ABRACADABRA!” Like, if her impulse control doesn’t improve, we are gonna have some *issues*. 

You know what I’m concerned about? My continuing relationship with several different food groups if I have to keep hearing graphic descriptions of them fighting each other. I mean, BONES in the CHEESE? *Bones* in the *Cheese*? My forgetting to preheat the oven is the *only* reason I wasn’t eating pizza when I heard that line. And the worst part is, with another DM I’d be like, “They probably didn’t think of the implications.” But this is Brennan so I KNOW he thought of the implications and he was like, “I’M DOING IT ANYWAY.”

Also, while we’re on the implications, I was also concerned--as Theo/Murph was--about Lord Swirly’s (the ice cream Candian) loyalty considering he is dairy (like the cheese brigands) even though he is Candian. Like, there’s a *lot* of overlap in different food types and that feels like it could easily get messy.  

If this fight is an indication, these fights aren’t gonna be balanced to be fair. They’re balanced to be tactically sound--as in, “What would their enemies do to them at this moment?” And, man, I am really dreading the inevitable moment they get hit when they’re down for the first time. Having to start a fight already down to one third of your HP and having already burned through most of your spell slots is so demoralizing but you know it’s gotta happen!  

I share Zac’s concerns about their Imperial allies. When he said, “This is Games of Thrones. It doesn’t mean anything,” I felt that. 

I was reminded of a scene in the trailer which shows what looks to be the PCs in a freezer and now I’m just full of questions like is a freezer a part of a fridge or its own thing? Is it Calorum or is that like the upper part of the map that cuts off? Is it a death-y no man’s land? What’s going on?

So the toughest prof I've ever had was my Constitutional Law professor my 1L year of Law School. She's probably the smartest person I've ever met and so supportive but also super scary. What you need to know about law school grades to understand this story is that they're fake so a B- is like a hard C, a C is like a D, and a D means your professor wants you to die. A professor has to fill out paperwork and justify giving you a D at my school. So we heard a rumor that this professor gave one of her students a D and we were like, "Oh man, even she wouldn't...would she?" So, one day--I think at some kind of event, we're all chilling and we're like, "Professor! Did you *really* give a student a D last year." And she turns to us, glint in her eye, and says, "Who said I only gave out one?" Chills. Absolute chills. Anyway, that is all to say, I'm very much feeling shades of that conversation right now. "Brennan, did you really kill a PC this season?" *Anime Glasses Flash* "Who said I only killed one?"

Lingering Questions

Theobald is an Eldritch Knight, not a Paladin. So he has some magic, but it wouldn’t be Bulbian (unless Brennan flavored it that way). Is he also doing arcane magic on the down low or is there some other mechanism for that? (Sidenote: Glad the cast made the gummi berry juice joke when Murph cast Jump on Amethar so I didn’t have to.) If he is, gotta say, hiding it *way* better than the others. 

Curious about exactly what Liam’s favored enemy is. Cause he was getting the bonus for that during this fight but was it because they were bandits or cheese people or archers or what?

Another quick holdover from last episode: Sir Theo rolled a deception check last ep against Ruby's insight upon seeing the princesses training with their new weapons (Theo won with a 19 to her 17) and Brennan gave us no information so it’s like, what was their deal? Past relationship? Past magical relationship (see first point)? Just concerned Ruby is gonna do something stupid with a magic bow in the world where magic is banned?

Five Six More Things

OK, let’s get the most important thing out of the way...my Candysona would be a Mint Chocolate divine soul sorcerer librarian/researcher. I’m sure ALL of you were wondering.

I really wanna give it up for the crew this episode! The battle set was amazing and the music was so good! Especially Ruby’s quirky circus-y theme. Loved that! Oh and the overlay of all the magical items was very helpful. (Side note: It’s all on the wiki if you wanna see it--I’d link it but tumblr hates when I do that. EDIT: @cloudmancy actually wrote them all up here too so here’s the link). 

There was no way Brennan could have known that Ruby was going to drop immediately when he initially planned the session but using that as kind of a vision quest moment to unlock her magic which she starts fully using after that point for the first time was a very clutch story choice for them.

Murph and Emily sitting next to each other this season is a *gift*.

I cannot imagine having the gall to play a level 1 magic rogue in a world where magic is illegal, people who can hit for more than my hit point total 100% want me dead, and rezzes don’t exist. What a choice. 

If one twin dies...and they have to decide...what to do with the other half of that locket...Brennan…

Housekeeping

Brennan is doing an Answer Time here on tumblr! Get your questions in before the 25th!

Not strictly D20 related but Brennan is also DMing a D&D game with some actual play vets and their kids! Check it out here! 

I can’t believe I failed my word count limit two episodes in on a battle episode that I only had 3 pages of notes for. Bold of me to assume I could tamp down on me. But, plus side, Brennan did say I was valid on stream last week, so I’m gonna say these two things cancel each other out and I am in the clear. 

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #a crown of candy #a crown of candy spoilers #the royal report

[fixated-addict13]

I’ve been thinking about Sam’s powers. Because i’m obsessed they had so much potential in the later seasons. And i’ve wondered what would happen if they occurred in season 9 after the Gadreel ordeal as well with Abaddon & Metatron. As a result this fic happened. This is my first time writing fanfiction so any suggestions or constructive criticism is welcomed. Currently I’m at chapter three for this, but I though I share this one because maybe other people will enjoy it.

Btw this is an AU so no MOC (I didn’t care for that storyline) and Dean stayed at the bunker so there may be some tension between the brothers if I decide to keep writing this. Castiel also has his grace, but broken wings :(. Also anothe ring inspiration was the writing “Start Here” by Caitlyn Siehl. So if this even gets noticed and read, enjoy! I may add more chapters on here or somewhere like AO3 or Fanfiction.net.

“When is a Monster not a Monster?

Oh, when you love it.”

- Caitlyn Sieht

Chapter 1: “Start by pulling him out of the fire and hoping that he will forget the smell. He was supposed to be an angel…” (Sam P.O.V)

He could feel it.

The dirt.

The impurity.

The unholiness.

The evil.

No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t scrub it out. The closest thing he had to purity was going through the trials. But then again, he couldn’t even get that right.

Everyone acts like they can’t see it. As if they can’t look into his very soul and see the fingerprints of the devil himself.

See the ways his eyes darken when angry. Or when his eyes look almost yellow in the sun.

Almost.

On days when he can’t help but reminisce, he remembers the power, the feeling of being able to kill with just a single thought. Being able to kill the ones once said to be “untouchable”.

He hates those days.

When he looks in the mirror he can’t help but see the worst of himself and those caught in the crossfire.

He sees Lucifer.

He sees Gadreel.

He sees Azazel.

He sees Ruby.

He sees John.

He sees Mary.

He sees Jessica.

He sees . . .

Dean.

God. He prays that he could be as clean as his brother. The so-called “righteous man”. The one the angels and possibly God wanted out of hell.

Not him though.

At least he had Cas, he just wishes someone higher saw worth in him being freed. That maybe God himself saw him more than “The True Vessel of Lucifer”.

More than an Abomination

Boy King

Anti-Christ

Freak

Blood Sucker

Azazel’s Favorite

The Boy with the Demon Blood . . .

It’s funny really. His soul is over centuries-old and he’s 6’4 but they still call him a boy.

Sam!

What was he doing again?

Sam! Sam!

He sounds familiar?

Sammy! Sammy!

Oh right, Dean.

Wait, why is he yelling?

Is he okay? He should probably. . .

______________________________________________________________________________

Gasp!

Sam wakes up with a gasp to a pair of worried green eyes looking down at him and shaking his shoulders. “Sam? Sammy?! It’s okay, it’s okay just breath”.

He didn’t realize he was hyperventilating.

‘What happened to me?’

“We were ambushed by Abaddon and her crew, remember?”

‘Oh. I didn’t know I said that out loud.’

“Why do I feel so... “ He breaks off there and realization dawns at him, and Deans’ solemn look confirms his suspicions.

That’s why he felt it.

He looks around and takes in the atmosphere of the worn-out factory. The wrecked pipes, the drip-drip of falling water. Walls dwindled by age and slimy floors. He remembers now, they had been on a case involving a vampire’s nest. They had tracked them to this factory and Abaddon had…

______________________________________________________________________________

NOT LONG BEFORE:

A group of a dozen or more demons - most likely more - surrounds them. They separate and once Sam is able to decapitate some demons, he sees Dean being outnumbered. He starts to go toward him to assist but is soon stopped in his tracks by an unseen force, quickly he is forced to the wall behind him. Next thing he knows Dean is being restrained by the low-level demons and he is unable to move his limbs from the walls deteriorating surface. Abaddon walks toward him, a wicked smile tucking at her blood-red lips.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the Boy with the Demon Blood.”

He’s unable to suppress a small flinch from those words. She seems to revel in his reaction.

“Wish you would’ve told me about your reputation, seeing as you are made specifically for our God himself, … for Lucifer”. She walks closer to him and grips the bottom of his jaw. Her now black eyes looking directly into his.

“DON’T TOUCH HIM YOU BITCH OR I SWEAR I’LL KILL YOU” Dean growls at her.

She turns to him, her face filled with amusement. Then quickly faces the younger Winchester again and continues as if Dean hadn’t spoken.

“Now, where were we? Right. You should’ve told me, Sam. It’s better to learn through the individual than through gossip” she says with a false offense.

“Screw… you.” he retorts through gritted teeth and flaring nostrils.

She scowls in response. Then reaches into her pocket for a small silver dagger. Sam eyes it, his angry and defiant facade faltering a bit. Only a little bit.

“Oh calm down. I’m not gonna hurt you”. She turns her head to Dean. “Him… well he’s expendable”. At this panic fills Sam’s eyes, his attempts to fight against her hold increasing.

She continues looking back at Sam's eyes, however not acknowledging his attempt. “I wonder what the blood from a Knight of Hell would do to a specimen like you.” She wonders while playfully stroking his cheek as if he were her lover. He cringes at the feel of her cold fingers. His mind then begins picking up on the intent of her statement.

Upon his realization, his body fills with trepidation and his blood runs cold. In the background, Dean continues to fight and curse against the demon’s strong grips. She brings the blade to her wrist and slices very slowly as if attempting to tease him. Right away he can smell it, the strong aroma of sulfur. The scent of evil, poison, of … of…

‘Power.’

He blinks and attempts to shake his head against her grip when that thought appears. He can’t become that.

‘I can’t.’

She starts bringing her wrist to his mouth. He tries to take his face out of her hand, but she has a fucking strong grip. She pulls at his bottom jaw opening just enough.

Dean’s curses, protests, and threats fade into the background as Sam gets a look at the blood on her wrist. His tongue waters. And he hates it. He should be over it. Centuries of the cage (of redemption) should dim his craving, his temptation.

Guess he was wrong.

The next thing he knows the taste of metal and sulfur is on his tongue then fills his mouth. He attempts to spit it out, but she has her hand over his mouth and nose. He doesn’t want it.

‘I DON’T WANT IT. (I, YOU, WE NEED IT)’

It goes down his throat as he attempts to take a breath, it burns going down but it feels so damn good.

She takes her hand away from his mouth and nose. Her other wrist still fixed to his mouth. He stops fighting. Pure instinct takes over and he’s practically licking the cut trying to get as much blood as possible. Making sure that none is wasted. He’s pretty sure Dean is eyeing him with disgust and disappointment, but he can't bring himself to care. He could feel the power and energy building up. It builds behind his eyes, in his gut, his entire fucking body. What were once whispers in the back of his mind have now turned to shouts. (‘MOREMOREMOREMOREMORE’)

Then it stops. Everything comes to a standstill, the shouts, and energy dull, his body numbs.

She pulls away and he opens his eyes, he didn’t even realize he had closed them.

Abaddon is smiling wickedly at him. And Dean is… Well, he can’t even bring himself to meet his eyes. Can’t bring himself to see the hate, detest, the. . . the . . . ‘fear’.

‘He should be afraid of me, you, us. I’m, you’re, we’re, way stronger than him than all of them. All I, you, we need is more blood’, his mind whispers.

The pressure builds between his eyes. Blood is rushing in his ears. Abaddon seems to be speaking, but all he could focus on is the beating of her heart. (‘KILLKILLKILL’)

The sound of her and the other demons’ blood rushing. (‘MOREMOREMORE’)

His lips start forming into a grin. He could already feel the cool blood falling from his nose, the blood drying around his mouth. His hands slowly begin to loosen from their fixed point on the wall. The last thing he sees is Abaddon's once satisfied smile falter. Then black begins to fill the edges of his vision, then soon everything follows suit. ______________________________________________________________________________

NOW:

Sam takes into account the number of bodies that surround them, some encompassed in pools of blood. He looks down at his hands, and they're covered in blood (‘not mine’) that hasn’t quite dried yet.

“Did I . . . did I d-do this?” he asks, but deep down he already knows the answer. He just doesn’t want to believe it. Sure, things have been really bad between them lately. Well, bad would be an extreme understatement. But despite that, he just needs some form of assurance.

“Sam . . .” Dean begins with his hands still having a tight clutch on Sam’s shoulders. The younger Winchester attempts to listen to what else he’s saying, his lips are moving but the whispers are back in residence and drown out Dean’s voice.

‘He’s going to lock me, you, us up. Lock the door and throw away the key. He doesn’t need me, need you, need us. I, you, we, need more. All he sees is a monster…

“Sam, it means you’re a monster”

and when is a monster not a monster?’.

TBC

#sam winchester #sam winchester fanfic #powers!sam

[writingkeepsmewhole]

New Beginnings

I know it’s been months since I’ve posted but Hi, I’m sorry don’t yell at me. I brought Dean as gift haha.  I hope y’all like this one it’s short but cute. 

This is part 18 of Betrayal

Fic Summary: Ruby gives Scarlet some good news.

Dean Winchester x OC Scarlet

Warnings:Light smut, language

Taglist Would love to add you:  @thewinchesterchronicles @amandamaesweetheart @scarlettreneem @deans-baby-momma @deanwanddamons​ @vicmc624​ @lemondropirwin​ @mrbillymontgomery​

Part   Part 17

It’s been almost a month since John had his wreck. He was indeed fine, just needed a change in medication. Rebecca was still in rehab. She is still trying to pick fights despite being clean. We would go visit her once a week. It was about the same as the first time we saw her. As for me and Dean we were pretty much the same. The only difference I lived with him (except for my furniture) and Sam moved in with Ruby. For once in my life I felt normal and completely happy. Everything was almost too good to be true.

I woke up to having warm lips pressed into my stomach. Blinking away the sleep from my eyes I looked down to see Dean leaving a trail of kisses up my bare torso.

“Good morning.” I say yawning as I smile at him.

“Morning princess.” He says moving to press his lips to my nose.

“Oh I’m princess now?” I ask, wrapping my arms loosely around his neck.

“After last night, yeah.” He says moving to press kisses down my neck.

I blush about last night's events coming back to mind. I didn’t get to enjoy them or the feel of Dean’s strong hands on my skin, my phone ringing loudly.

“Leave it.” Dean says nibbling my collarbone.

“I can't, it might be about a job.” I say desperate for one. Dean pretty much took care of me at this point. 

That doesn't sway him, him bending down to take my nipple into his mouth. I took a breath, tingles of pleasure shooting threw me.

The phone seemed to ring louder. I gently grab his stubble covered jaw and make him look up at me.

“Two minutes and I’ll do whatever you want I promise.” I say meeting his green eyes with my own.

“Fine.” He says dropping his head on my chest very dramatically.

Giggling I twist over to reach my phone on the nightstand and answer it without looking.

“Hello?” I ask, answering it as I lay back down. My hand automatically goes to play with Dean’s hair.

“Guess what!” Ruby says loudly on the other end.

“Umm what?” I ask not really listening to her answer Dean gently strokes on my thigh distracting me.

“- well anyways I put the bid in and I got it!” Ruby says after a few minutes of chatter.

“Wait I’m lost you got what?” I ask as Dean moves off me.

I at first thought he was getting up for the day but was mistaken when he started leaving kisses down my stomach and hip.

I can’t stop the yelp when he nips at my thigh.

“Dean stop!.” I say as I giggle.

“Are you having sex right?” Ruby asks as if it just dawned on her that she could have called at a bad time.

“No, despite how much someone wants to.” I say looking down at Dean.

He gives me a sinful smirk, him hovering over my mound so close I can feel the heat from his breath.

I shake my head at him as Ruby Ewws loudly in my ear.

“Well I’ll leave you alone, call me back when you're down.”

“Will do.” I say hanging up on her, Dean’s mouth on me before I can even get my phone out of my hand.

After both our needs were taken care of and we both double checked in the shower we got dressed. I was standing in the kitchen eating cold pie for breakfast when Dean came to tell me he was leaving for work. 

Him wrapping his arms around my middle from behind me.

I smile loving that I still get butterflies with him.

“I’ll see you tonight.” He says and kisses my cheek. 

“Have fun at work.” I say, him letting out a huff like yeah right as he headed for the front door.

After he was gone I walked back up stairs getting my phone to call Ruby back.

“Oh my gosh are you just now done?” She asks as soon as she answers.

“It’s been like two hours!”

Laughing, I walk into the bathroom to take my birth control and brush my teeth.

“Sam not keeping up with his big brother huh?” I ask, teasing her.

“No, I took a shower and ate some food. Sorry I didn’t know I was on a time limit.”

“Well you were, you should have just had a quicky.”

“My bad.” I say swallowing my little pink pill with a drink of water then grabbing my tooth brush.

“So what did you want to tell me?”

“I bought the diner.”

“You what?”

“Yeah, I saved up and called the bank. It's still empty so I bought it.”

“How, what, why?”

“Look, it’ll be easy, we know how to run it.”

“It’s been empty for a month or longer there is gonna be a lot to fix up.”

“Like what? It’s been empty, everything is still there.”

“Or a hobo moved in.”

“That’s why we take the sexy brave Winchesters with us to check it out. It’s too late now I signed the papers this morning.”

“Of course you did.” I say starting to brush my teeth.

“If you don't want to help you don’t have to.”

“No, I will, what are friends for.” I say not mad she bought it just more shocked than anything.

“Good! So you know what that means?”

“What?” I ask after I wash my mouth out.

“You got a job again missy!”

“Well I guess that’s one good thing outta this.”

“That’s right babe you're a strong independent woman again!”

Laughing, I shake my head knowing she did some sassy dance when she said that.

“Alright well this independent woman is going to go do laundry. I’ll call you when Dean gets home so we can go clear out the hobos.”

“Okay, bye bitch.”

“Bye.” I say shaking my head and hanging up the phone. 

When Dean got home I did as I said I would. Called Ruby and we headed for the diner. She was practically bouncing when she got out of the car. Sam with her.

“She’s been like this all day.” Sam says an amused smile on his face.

“You have problems.” I say as she walks over to the front door.

The diner looked the same. The only difference was the sign was no longer there which was good. I’m sure Ruby wanted to call it something different anyways.

“Shall we?” She asks unlocking the door and pushing the door open.

It swung into the dark building. It was already dark outside the winter air moving around us, at a slow lazy pace.

“Let’s go Sammy.” Dean says turning on the flashlight and heading into the building, Sam right on his heels.

“I’m not being the rear.” Ruby says moving to grab Sam’s shirt as if we were walking threw a haunted house.

“Gee thanks.” I say the following after them.

The darkness gave the place it’s own energy which I didn’t like. Feeling my heart pick up and my hair stand at attention I quickly move around Sam and Ruby to join Dean at the front.

He smiles at me and takes my hand in his. I returned it taking a breath surprised by how much his touch calmed me. 

“When will the power be on?” Dean asks.

“Tomorrow.”

“So why didn’t we wait till tomorrow.”

“Because I said so.” Ruby says, making me roll my eyes. 

It only took a few minutes to go through the building. It was empty which I was happy about. We headed back outside Ruby locking the door then headed for our own cars.

“Hey, I almost forgot, what are we calling this place?”

“Sunrise Diner.” She says smiling.

“Cute.”

“Thanks. See you tomorrow bright and early?”

“Tomorrow.” I say smiling at her and slipping into the impala.

“You ready?” Dean asks starting the car and pulling into the street.

“Ready for what?” 

“A new chapter in your life.”

“Always.” I say smiling at him. I already started a new chapter with him. I was happy to add another.

#betrayal #dean x y/n #dean x you #dean x reader #dean x OC #dean imagine #dean fanfiction #dean fanfic #dean fic #dean fluff #dean smut #dean #dean winchester #dean winchester fan #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x oc #dean winchester x y/n #dean winchester x you #dean winchester imagine #Supernatural Dean Winchester #supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #supernatural imagine #supernatural dean #supernatural #new beginnings

[deeeelightfuldee]

surveys 047.

What was the last thing to upset you? just kile changing. it shouldnt upset me, it’s obvious we are changing and growing apart. it just bothers me, nonetheless.

How’s the weather been today? It’s going to be a high of 76 today

What was the first tattoo you got or what would be the first tattoo you’ll get? when I was younger I wanted those white tattoos. I don’t want anything now. I’m good with au-natural skin lol. I do wonder if Kile will ever get one.

What was the last store you went into and did you buy anything? I can’t recall what store I last went to

Have you ever been late for school or work? never for school. Work I was one time because of an accident ahead of me but that was nbd.

Do you prefer to shower in the morning or at night? morning typically if I want my hair to be decent.

Do you dip your pretzels in anything? gosh I miss pretzels.

What is your favourite kind of fruit cobbler? uhhhhhh no real preference

Is there a basement in your house? If so, what is it used for? yep yep. its got a spare bedroom, a laundry area, a bathroom, and a storage closet. It also leads out to the garage.

When was the last time you were intoxicated? my birthday

Have you been swimming today? No. I really would give just bout anything to swim.

Is your phone fully charged at the moment? No, it’s at 81 percent

Have you driven a car today? yes

When was the last time you felt extremely nervous? tonight when waiting for responses from kile regarding questions. When was the last time you cried? Tonight. I hard sobbed, which I thought maybeeee, maybe just maybe I was past this stage with Kile but I’m so not. He maybe?? thought or realized I was genuine about leaving, given the fact I am more and more and more withdrawn. So he asked about us talking, since that’s the big thing we could tackle instead of just harshly cutting ties. He has avoided talking about this since I found out about everything.. I think it gives him a lot of anxiety to unpack just how much hurt he’s caused. I can empathize with that. But I can’t just gloss over this huge trauma like it meant nothing. So we talked a little bit and he assumed I was judging (which is one of my absolute least favorite things he accuses me of) and then when I explained I wasnt, he said he was just being sensitive and he was sorry. for whatever reason, I just.. i feel like a balloon that’s been popped. my heart just desires him so badly but he has these barriers and now I have a million of my own barriers and I hate having barriers with him. ive worked so hard for so long to break those down and now theres more than I can count and I just.. i want to understand. I want to stop the feelings that I’m not worth the truth. Like i’ve been kept in the dark for 6+ years and now that I’m told some things, I’m still kept in the dark. I just can’t win. there’s nothing left for me and it just wrecked me. I sobbed, I couldn’t breathe. my heart hurtssssssssss. i just want him to be here and fix it and he can’t. what do you do when the one person who could stop the hurt, causes it?

Do you have a small, medium or large bedroom? My room is extremely small. I have hardly any room on either side of the bed.

Where was your first job and how old were you? nannying at 15

Have you eaten soup this week? no

Have you ever made your own survey? years ago Do you know your birthstone and if so, do you have any jewellery containing it? ruby. I have no ruby jewelry sadly.

What colour is your hairbrush? uhhh black and blue

Do you hear any other people talking right now? max just proposed to lorelai in gilmore girls.

Are you a fan of The Office? yes. I just have no desire to watch it rn cus I am not in a humor mood and I think it would ruin it for me.

When was the last time you started a new medication? years.

What is your favourite type of nut? pistachios

Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? aurelios in homewood

Do you know what year your parents married? if I stopped and did the math. 

Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? only when I was at someone elses house. we didnt have cable til i was 17

Would you ever shave your head to raise money for cancer? maybe

Did you watch Breaking Bad as it aired or did you catch up later on? never watched

Is there anything you’re looking forward to at the moment? i would give just about anything to repair things with kile but that looks like its over.

Do you know anyone who doesn’t have a middle name? Yup. my brother, nephew, dad, and his late dad all have the same name and it contains no middle name.

What is your fast food place of choice? buona

How close is the nearest Starbucks from your house? like 5-6 mins

Have you ever played in the snow? errrr year

Do you know anyone who was adopted? mhmm

Do you write shopping lists on paper or just remember it in your head? paper. I would never get all the items for all three of us without visuals

Have you put your phone on silent today? yeah. so this is embarrassing but hey, it is what it is. I changed kiles notification tone to something loud and noticeable so I would be alerted that it wasn’t just another blah text. but then I would be devastated to not hear it. so now for my own sanity it’s on silent. just as well, i’m not hearing anything from him.

Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? MANY of them. if not all.

Have you been to the mall today? I don’t think i’ve been to the mall since maybeeeee.. 2016?

Have you ever watched Scrubs? If so, did you like it? no

Do you prefer loose leaf tea or teabags? Teabags.

How often do you check your emails? like every day or every other day.

Do you read John Green novels? I’ve read a few of his books.

What was the last thing you purchased at a supermarket? diabetic socks lol

Have you ever used a lawnmower? yes

Have you ever played QuizUp on iOS? I don’t have apple.

Have you ever consumed so much alcohol that you vomited? once. it was worth it tho

Have you ever been to Thailand? No.

Have you ever been to Universal Studios? Yes.

Have you had a bath this week? no, our bathtub is broken.

Do you like pumpkin pie? very much so.

Do you know anyone who smokes in their car? Yeahhhhhhh. blegh.

Have you ever seen a shooting star? I have

Can you tie balloons? I can. I can do it quite fast, which is convenient. every year we blow up these enormous balloon arches for the kids bdays, its about 200+ balloons and i hand tie every single one. my fingers ache for days, but hey.

What is your favourite place to get Chinese food? number 1 chop suey or pf changs

When was the last time you were at a pet store? its been a minute. i would give my left lung to get a golden retriever puppy. 

Do you do a big weekly shop or just shop for groceries as you need them? it usually is weekly.. ish?

[wazafam]

Tears from the fans are not something that is rare on Supernatural, a show that is chock full of loss and heartbreaks throughout its fifteen seasons, coming to an end in 2020 after a fifteen-year run that has left its dedicated fandom an emotional wreck.

RELATED: Supernatural: 10 Led Zeppelin Songs We Wish Dean Got To Enjoy Throughout The Show

Fans have seen beloved characters die, some of which passed on forever. There have been moments where characters had to say goodbye and times where the ultimate sacrifice was made with shattered survivors trying to pick up the pieces. For a TV series with vampires and ghouls, there are a lot of touching moments in the Winchester household. Here are some of the most heartbreaking Supernatural episodes.

Updated on February 13th By Rhys McGinley: Supernatural has a knack for taking the emotions of its fandom and twisting them, bringing immense pain and sadness to those who adore the show in and amongst all of the brilliance it gives. Limiting heartbreaking Supernatural episodes to a list of ten does not do justice to just how many times the show broke our hearts over the course of its fifteen seasons, from the very start to the very end, whether it be through deaths, touching scenes, or even colossal endings.

15 "Heart" (02.17)

A constant in Supernatural is the idea that Sam and Dean, and hunters in general, find it nearly impossible to escape the life, to have an everyday, apple pie life, to have love, with romances coming and going through all fifteen seasons.

One of Sam's first romantic sparks post-Jess was Madison, who in "Heart," turned out to be a Werewolf. Despite their best attempts to help her, Sam and Dean could not save Madison, leading to her begging for death, with Sam making the gut-wrenching decision to kill her.

14 "In My Time of Dying" (02.01)

Supernatural season 1 did not go easy on Sam and Dean Winchester. The first episode alone saw the death of their mother, although Sam was a baby and Dean was very young. It also saw the death of Sam's girlfriend that set the brothers out on the road to find and eliminate the evil that infected their lives. Things got worse for the boys.

By the end of season 1, it looked like Dean was on death's bed, and it looked like he might die. No one expected this to happen since Dean was one of the stars, but few expected that it would be their dad, John Winchester, who sacrificed his own life to save that of his son. Seeing the boys lose their only remaining parent was a heartbreaking way to start the second season.

13 "All Hell Breaks Loose" (02.21)

Not only did season 2 start out with a heartbreaking tragedy and ended with one just as shocking. In "All Hell Breaks Loose," Supernatural let the entire special children storyline with Sam play out, and in this episode, all the kids were brought together to fight to determine who was left standing to become the Chosen One.

Remember at the end of season 1 when it looked like Dean was going to die? Season 2 brought death to Sam. Dean arrives in the town to help Sa,m but he is too late, and Sam is stabbed in the back and dies in Dean's arms. The elder Winchester brother had now lost his mom, dad, and little brother, and the tears were real in this one.

12 "No Rest For The Wicked" (03.16)

While the start of season two almost brought the death of Dean, season three brought it to fruition with one of Dean's most brutal deaths in his career of dying.

Despite a slew of attempts to fight off Lilith and the impending year left on his life coming to an end, Dean, along with Sam, Bobby, and Ruby, failed. Dean is torn apart by Hellhounds, and fans get their first glimpse of hell as Dean is chained up bloody and battered, screaming for his brother.

11 "Dark Side of the Moon" (05.16)

By season 3, Sam and Dean seemed to both be on death's bed and came back, so seeing them die wasn't quite as shocking and heartbreaking as the first times. This is good because in one episode in season 3, Dean died 103 times. Anyway, head to season 5 to see multiple heartbreaking Supernatural episodes.

RELATED: Supernatural: 5 Things We'll Miss About Sam (& 5 About Dean)

The first came with "Dark Side of the Moon." In this episode, the show ups the ante a bit when Sam and Dean both die. With both dead, the brothers can't really do anything to bring the other back. However, what makes this episode so sad is that they go to Heaven and relive their past memories -- good and bad.

10 "Abandon All Hope" (05.10)

With fifteen seasons and over three hundred episodes, Supernatural is filled to the brim with characters who have impacted Sam and Dean's lives, but in the Kripke era, few were as loved as Ellen and Jo.

"Abandon All Hope" sees the heroes prepare for a showdown with Lucifer, trapped by hellhounds by Meg in a town rife with Reapers waiting for death. With Jo severely injured, the mother and daughter decide to stay behind and sacrifice themselves to save the brothers, killing the hellhounds in the process, A true tear-jerker.

9 "Swan Song" (05.22)

Season 5 ends with the big bang -- the Apocalypse. The boys have been trying to find a way to stop the Apocalypse to no avail -- even both dying and going to Heaven at one point and still coming back empty-handed. Now, with no other options, Sam Winchester finally gives in and agrees to become Lucifer's vessel in an attempt to trick him and send him back to his cage.

After a battle, the boys win and stop the Apocalypse, but at the cost of Sam ending up trapped in Lucifer's cage and Dean on the outside alive and alone. While Castiel was able to resurrect Bobby and heal Dean, the elder Winchester was still devastated that God allowed Sam to remain locked in Lucifer's cage even though they did what was asked of them.

8 "Death's Door" (07.10)

If Dean and Sam dying were not enough to make people cry anymore after 100 times, the death of other characters -- ones that won't come back -- still wreck the biggest Supernatural fans. In season 7, one of the most beloved characters on the show died when Bobby Singer finally met his demise.

The episode was "Death's Door," and losing Bobby was probably even tougher for the boys than losing their own dad. Unlike John, who kept his sons at arm's length for their own safety, Bobby was there for them and kept them together and strong. The episode was even more heartbreaking because it took the viewer through Bobby's memories, and we saw how much he really loved the brothers.

7 "Sacrifice" (08.23)

"Sacrifice" was the season finale for Supernatural season 8, and while it didn't end up with a major death, there was almost one, and it ended up as heartbreaking as any Sam or Dean death prior to this moment. Sam was trying to complete three trials in order to close the gates of Heaven.

RELATED: Supernatural: Each Main Character's First & Last Lines In The Series

However, Dean soon learns from Naomi that Sam will die if he completes the three trials. In no surprise, Sam seems ok with that, and the heartbreaking moment came when he told Dean that he believes he is a screwup and that Dean would be better with anyone other than him -- something Dean sets straight, strengthening their relationship and saving Sam's life.

6 "Do You Believe in Miracles?" (09.23)

While Dean has died over 100 times, when done right, it can still rip our hearts out and stomp on them after doing it. In "Do You Believe in Miracles," it was yet another season finale where a Winchester brother died -- and this was Dean once again. The season saw Dean struggling throughout, thanks to taking on the Mark of Cain.

The big bad this season was Metatron, and there was no way that he would make it to the end alive. However, the shocking moment came when Metatron drove the Angel Blade right through the heart of Dean -- in front of Sam. While Sam was heartbroken, it only got worse as Dean woke up as a demon -- the new Knight of Hell.

5 "Dark Dynasty" (10.21)

While they were not the best villains -- to say the least -- the Styne Family did something unforgivable. Dean and Sam were after Elden Styne and his family and needed to find a way to stop them and recruited Charlie to work with Rowena to decipher the Book of the Damned.

By this time, Charlie (Felicia Day) had become a beloved fan favorite and helped the boys on many missions before this. However, "Dark Dynasty" marked the end of the road for the character when she finally cracked the book. However, Eli Styne found her, and when Sam and Dean finally arrive at the motel, Charlie was dead in the bathtub, and the Winchester brothers realized there was nothing they could do to save her.

4 "Who Are We?" (12.22)

Much like Supernatural season 5, the 12th season of the show pulled no punches when it came to heartbreaking moments. Plus, the toughest moments happened in the final two episodes of the season. In "Who Are We," the American hunters and British hunters battle reared its ugly head.

RELATED: Supernatural: Times The Show Addressed Deeper Issues

Mary was under the control of the British Men of Letters and was just going around killing American hunters. When Mary was finally captured by Jody, Dean was able to get inside of his mom's mind. He found that she wanted to remain trapped in her mind because it had her happy memories, and Dean told her that he loved and also hated her, bearing his soul and finally pulling her out and into action once again. Seeing Dean, so hurt and vulnerable is always hard to watch.

3 "All Along the Watchtower" (12.23)

Supernatural loves to leave viewers with very sad moments when it ends each season, and the 12th was no different. After the touching moment in the previous episode where Dean bared his soul to his mother for everything she put him through by striking a deal with a demon and leaving them, all hell broke loose in the finale, "All Along the Watchtower."

The battle went into the rift, where Team Free Will took the battle to Lucifer. Nothing ever goes as planned, and the Winchester boys lost almost everything here. Crowley took his own life to close the rift, but Lucifer followed them back through and killed Castiel in front of Sam and Dean. That was horrible but even worse was when Mary rushed Lucifer, knocking him back through and going through herself -- leaving Sam and Dean alone once again.

2 "Despair" (15.18)

The entire ending of Supernatural is highly controversial in the dedicated fandom, and so many people were hurt by how the last few episodes played out. But, there is no denying the heartbreak they invoke in the fans.

"Despair" caused just that. This episode ends with not only the entire world vanishing with the exception of Jack and the brothers as ways to defeat Chuck become scarcer by the moment but an admission of love and final goodbye to one of Supernatural's most adored characters, Castiel. The final moments Cas and Dean share are gut-wrenching and tear-inducing, and it is one of the hardest goodbyes fans of the show have ever faced.

1 "Carry On" (15.20)

Of course, with a show as beloved, with as dedicated fandom, and such longevity as Supernatural, there was always going to be one goodbye that was harder than the rest, that, of course, being the final goodbye.

"Carry On" undoubtedly has some moments for fans to cling to, but it is an insanely divisive and criticized episode for the way it disrespects many characters. Nevertheless, Dean's final death, his car ride in Cas and Jack's heaven blasting the greatest song of all time, "Carry On Wayward Son," and the final reunion between the brothers will likely never fail to reduce fans to tears. The brothers are done; they have peace.

NEXT: Supernatural: 5 Ways The Final Season Changed The Series (& It Stayed The Same)

The 15 Most Heartbreaking Supernatural Episodes | ScreenRant from https://ift.tt/2OCL91B

#Blogger

[ponyregrets]

100 fic title songs master post part 3

is it sad that I really look forward to these? don’t answer that I don’t need further insight into how sad I am

part one / part two

And Maybe We'll Get Lucky - Modest Mouse : Ocean Breathes Salty

But He Does It So Well - Taylor Swift : Wildest Dreams

when the moon explodes or floats away - Sparklehorse : Sunshine

tsubasa wa nai kedo - Spitz : Sazanami

You Know, We Don't Stand a Chance - Belle and Sebastian : Get Me Away From Here, I’m Dying

In the Library of My House I Have a Laugh - Regina Spektor : Riot Gear

Hey You With the Pretty Face, Welcome to the Human Race - ELO - Mr. Blue Sky

The Dice Was Loaded From the Start - Dire Straits : Romeo and Juliet

And I'm Having Some Trouble Just Breathing - Jenny Owen Youngs : Fuck Was I

Nothing But Affection For All Those Who've Sailed With Me - Bob Dylan : Mississippi (these are all weird live versions I just picked one)

If You Wanna Reach Me - Christina Milian : Call Me, Beep Me

The Whole World In His Hands - idk here’s the worst possible version of what is apparently a hymn to use for this

the difference between shooting stars and satellites - Death Cab For Cutie : Passenger Seat

Just a Stranger On the Bus - Joan Osborne : What If God Was One Of Us

The Reason You Fall, The Moment You Fly - October Project : Adam and Eve

I Swear I'm Going to Bite You Hard And Taste Your Tinny Blood - The Weakerthans : Plea From a Cat Named Virtute

That Doesn't Mean We're In Love - The Magnetic Fields : Zebra

Believe Me, There's a Better Frankenstein For You To Bride - Say Hi to Your Mom : The Key of C

Oh How Happy We'll Be - Whoever sang “By the Beautiful Sea” on the Some Like It Hot soundtrack : By the Beautiful Sea

Or Are We Dancer? - The Killers : Human

Just Gotta Get Right Outta Here - Queen : Bohemian Rhapsody

It's Just That It's Delicate - Damien Rice : Delicate

you're a shining star, you'll do great in LA - Nightmare of You : I Want to Be Buried In Your Backyard

The Time It Takes to Get From Here to There - The Weakerthans : Aside

I Run a Tidy Bakery - Jenna Maroney : Muffin Top

When One Falls In, Another Can't Get Out - Nada Surf : I Like What You Say

No Surrender, No Defeat; Why Do I Still See You In Every Mirrored Window;  Help Me With This Barricade  - The Weakerthans : Pamphleteer 

All I Know Is Where You're Going - Mary Epworth : Long Gone

Look How Far We Have Come - Robert Miles : One and One

Even Though It All Went Wrong - Leonard Cohen : Hallelujah

No One Can Lift the Damn Thing - Peter Gabriel : The Book of Love (Magnetic Fields cover)

Would You Freak Out If I Said I Liked You? - Hello Saferide : The Quiz

Be a Good Guitar and You Could Go Far - The Magnetic Fields : Acoustic Guitar

this is ourselves - Queen : Under Pressure

The Bells Are Gonna Chime - My Fair Lady : Get Me to the Church On Time

and dream how wonderful your life will be - Billy Joel : Lullabye (Goodnight My Angel)

A Tunnel From My Window to Yours - Arcade Fire : Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)

What the Hell Is the Catch? - Hamilton : Satisfied

our troubles will be miles away - Rosemary Clooney : Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

The Nature of My Game - The Rolling Stones : Sympathy for the Devil

nitenai bokura wa hosoi ito de tsunagatte iru - Spitz : Yoru o Kakeru

Nightly, Beside the Green, Green Grass - Sixpence None the Richer : Kiss Me

Where the Memories Flicker - John K. Sampson - Virtute at Rest (SAD CAT SONG WARNING)

when the wind is right - The Weakerthans : This Is a Fire Door, Never Leave Open

And It's Clear, You're On Your Way - The New Amsterdams : Hughes

You Bring the Groom - Fiddler on the Roof : Matchmaker

Dog Problems - The Format : Dog Problems

We Can Both Watch X-Files - Bloodhound Gang : The Bad Touch

allow the hope - John K. Sampson : Winter Wheat

Wish On Everything; She's Okay and It's Raining There Again  - The Weakerthans : Exiles Among You

Love and Joy Come to You  - Traditional : Here We Come a Wassailing

But It Feels Alright - Britney Spears : (You Drive Me) Crazy

And I Thought I Was So Smart - Hamilton : Dear Theodosia 

Time's a Gentle Stream (Longer Than It Seems) - Over the Garden Wall : Patient Is the Night

If Someone Said I'd Be So Dumb; The Princess There Is Me - The Magnetic Fields : Long Forgotten Fairytale

Spooky Scary - Tracy Jordan : Werewolf Bar Mitzvah

Just Say Yes - Taylor Swift : Love Story

I Wreck It (You Fixed It!) - Wreck-It Ralph : Wreck-It, Wreck-It Ralph

a socket-set to dismantle this morning - The Weakerthans : My Favorite Chords

You Can Take a Piece of Mine - Catatonia : Road Rage

And Who's to Say That They Won't Sing to Me?; Still We Should Be Prepared to Leave - John K. Sampson : Alpha Adept

There's a Flame, There's a Spark - Say Hi to Your Mom : But She Beat My High Score

Let's Talk About Spaceships - Say Hi to Your Mom : Let’s Talk About Spaceships

Some Speak of the Future - Bob Dylan : Love Minus Zero/No Limit

Kiss You on the Mouth and Tell You I'm Your Biggest Fan - Nightmare of You : My Name Is Trouble

War Was In Color - Carbon Leaf : War Was In Color

A Girl With Uninterrupted Prosperity - Cake : Short Skirt, Long Jacket

You Make Me Feel Like I Am Home Again - The Cure : Love Song

Everaftering So Happy - Enchanted : True Love’s Kiss

It Doesn't Show Signs of Stopping - Dean Martin : Let It Snow

My Name in Lights at Carnegie Hall - High School Musical 3 : I Want It All

Three, Two, One, Now Fall In My Arms - We the Kings : Check Yes Juliet

So Happy Together - The Turtles : So Happy Together

No Escape, No Change of Heart - Aida : Written in the Stars

Good Heart, Soft Touch, Fast Horse - Faith Hill : This Kiss

In Some Old-Fashioned Way - The Police : Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic

Who Said Life Was Easy and Who Said a Man Was Fair? - The Magnetic Fields : Sweet-Lovin’ Man

Me Myself I Got Nothing to Prove - Tracy Chapman : Fast Car (Also here’s a super cool Japanese cover of Fast Car)

And You Can Have This Heart to Break - Billy Joel : And So It Goes

when the truth is told (you can get what you want or you can just get old) - Billy Joel : Vienna

I've Been Awake For So Long - Basia Bulat : La-Da-Da

From Give and Take - Joni Mitchell : Both Sides Now

A Date With Botticelli’s Niece - The Band : When I Paint My Masterpiece (Bob Dylan cover)

It Varies From Season to Season, Kid - Death Cab For Cutie : Why You’d Want to Live Here

You Hurt But Learn - Yoko Kanno : I Recommend Instincts

Happiness Is Where You Are - Moana : Where You Are

Take Me Out to Dinner Like You Did Last Week - Lightspeed Champion : Everyone I Know Is Listening to Crunk

The Darkest Ages Couldn't Kill - Billy Joel : Two Thousand Years

A History of Taking Off My Shirt - Barenaked Ladies : One Week

It Was Clear That Day, So We Faked It - The Postal Service : Clark Gable

I'll Talk You To Sleep - Lisa Loeb : Sandalwood

Wherever We Land, May We Grow : John K. Sampson : Prayer For Ruby Elm

Looking For a New Way, Way of Living - Laleh : Speaking of Truth

We Can Make It If We Take It Slow - The Killers : When You Were Young

I Thought I Should Spend My Time Alone - Doctors & Dealers : Social Skills

Sweet After All These Years - Billy Joel : Famous Last Words

[stevedonnellyfaith-blog]

A Hairy Science Project (Post 123) 1-13-16

Nicholas had a science experiment while he was a student at Excelsior Middle School that is famous in our family.  Pam and I were always pretty hands off with respect to that type of assignment as we thought that parental domination of school activities can be pretty smothering and lead to dependent behavior that inhibits initiative and accountability.  The most extreme example of out of control parenting was something that a friend shared while we were midshipmen at the Naval Academy.  He was one of my classmates, and upon discovering that I was from the Akron, Ohio area my friend told me that he had participated in the famous Akron Soap Box Derby as a kid.  I remember seeing pictures of the homemade race-cars in the paper that I delivered each morning, but I never attended.

My classmate explained that the kids in his neighborhood of Annapolis all took turns either winning or doing very well in the annual competition because their fathers were on staff in the USNA Engineering Department and which gave them access to a wind tunnel to test their derby entry each year.  My head nearly exploded as the racket was described.  A cabal of fathers colluding to leverage their access to specialized government lab equipment for the purpose of manipulating a win in a kid’s competition repulsed me.  Teaching kids to cheat seems to be exactly what parents should never do.

More interested in allowing my kids to get hands on experience building stuff, I usually just acted as safety observer when Stephen and Nick put together Pinewood Derby cars and Gutter Regatta boats for scouts.  With Nicholas’ homework, I participated only when he had an assignment that mandated parental participation or when he brought a question to me on his own initiative. My parents had brought us up to be as independent as possible so I tried to do that for my children as well. Certainly that worked out well for Abby, but with Stephen and Nicholas there were plenty of bumps in the road.

One of the bumps in the road for Nicholas was his science project.  Always a procrastinator, Nick invaded my bedroom in the evening of one work night and announced that he needed help on a project. He had a guilty look on his face, which he didn’t understand was an open invitation to cross-examination.  In very short order, I established four very disturbing facts: the project was due the next day, the project had not been started, the assignment had been made approximately two months before, and Nicholas’ approved project proposal was on hair growth.   

Now because most households today have access to the internet and also have at least one blank folding poster board lying around, completing a project in one night is definitely doable.  Nostalgically, I recalled that a standard project in my day was a diorama requiring only cotton balls, a shoe box, construction paper, glue and some plastic figurines of some sort.  Everybody kept that stuff around and a Sunday night emergency project was definitely feasible back then too.

Unfortunately, an emergency science project on hair growth is a total non-starter. Nicholas learned a valuable lesson about procrastination that night – unfortunately, the lesson was not that procrastination was bad, but rather, that self-aware procrastinators should carefully avoid proposing projects that require painstaking, prolonged and detailed records of experimental data. Even Chia pets can’t grow their hair in one night.  Nicholas’s project was totally doomed.

 We came up with something, though.  I believe that I even clipped and donated a lock of head hair of some sort as a sample.  In my memory Abby succumbed to a giggle fit when she reviewed the final train wreck that Nick was carting off to school the next day.  A clump of hair, a graph with two data points, and some informational printouts all garnered from Wikipedia undoubtedly was all that was there.  

In my day an equivalent half-hearted last minute submission would have been a collage of pictures all from the stack of National Geographic magazines that were obligatory for any fully-equipped basement or attic in the 70’s.  It would have garnered a well-deserved F or D-.  Nicholas’s project didn’t receive a failing grade, though, because these days the only way to fail a project is to express a Christian viewpoint.  Still Nicholas project certainly tested all the teacher’s self-esteem protection fail-safes.  His hackneyed mess stood out in full regalia among the highly glossed projects many of which appeared to have been produced by marketing firms.

Nick’s last minute hair project does make me chuckle, but it also could serve as a metaphor for what it must be like for an atheist or agnostic to discover Jesus late in life and decide that they better get cooking. I understand that no one can earn their way into Heaven, but the parable of the servant burying gold certainly makes me self-conscious about whether I am accomplishing enough as a Christian. I wasted a good amount of my early years chasing worldly things, so my batting average with respect to living my faith has only truly improved over the last decade.  Luckily God loves us all very deeply.

A Christian understanding of God is that He loves us very much even to the extent of sacrificing His Only Son for our salvation. Implicit in His great love for us and consistent with my experience, God will do everything in His power to achieve our salvation except violate our free-will.  

Ostensibly, I sought God to some extent for many years, but I didn’t search very effectively and I question how motivated I was to encounter The Holy Spirit, a meeting that would have served to curb my worldliness.  In my view, once a person becomes truly convinced God exists, then sinfulness becomes really really problematic.  Up until God proved His existence definitively to me during my journey with Pam’s illness, I always rationalized my sins by the argument that because I wasn’t 100 percent sure that God existed, my sin was understandable and defensible under the subterfuge of my doubt.

My feigned ignorance and unsurety about God made my continued sinful ways explainable rationally.  I tried to live my life in a Christian fashion and tried to do what I could to earn by merit what we can never earn by our actions until it was time for a good bout of sinning.  In those cases, I would “extinguish my belief,”  flip the God light switch to the off position so that, in my mind, I became invisible to Him, my Guardian Angel and all the other souls in Heaven and Purgatory, for my sinfest.  Then after the sinning was done, in remorse, I could reenter the universe of God like the Millennium Falcon dropping to sub-light speed.  Then it was off to Reconciliation for a quick car wash and a return to my daily Christian hypocrisy.

In many ways I was a functional agnostic hedging my bets through many years of Christian seeming pantomime.  Then, one day, I needed God to be real.  In desperation and fear at Pam’s early diagnosis, I truly wanted to encounter Jesus in a way that would extinguish all my doubt because I needed for our lives to matter and for a merciful God to be running the whole show.  

So I skedaddled across Ignacio Valley Road from John Muir Hospital where a surgeon was operating on my Pam’s brain.  I needed to find an occupied Tabernacle and I was sure that one would be present in the sanctuary of St John Vianny Parish, arriving there in desperation, I fell down on my knees and met Him and knew that He was there, in the place that I needed Him to be - where He had always been all those times that I had been pretending to look for Him.  No ruby slippers needed to be clicked.

Here in this time between Christmas and Lent as I type away at the start of the week, I am thankful for having been assured about the existence of God.  That I 100% believe, is a great relief to me as uncertainly only leads only to unhappiness and fear.  Belief in the afterlife resolves all the anxiety for me.  God truly does set me free.

Anyway, the Donnelly family is happy to be through the holidays, but for a late believer like myself, each day seems a bit like Ebenezer Scrooge’s Christmas Day.  In this New Year, this 2016, I will have the opportunity to prove that I believe, strengthen my belief through participating in the Church and happily, like Ebenezer, I discover each day that I have still more time.  My Christian project can still be done properly.  While I cannot claim that I have or even can earn an “A” with regard to my Christian behavior, I can prove that I grasp the concept through acting as Christ instructed us to behave towards others.  Although I surely will sin, I can do so without pretending that God does not exist.  I will not mentally negate Him, but instead I will do my best to proclaim Him in this Jubilee Year of Mercy.  Thanks be to God.

#God #Jesus #The Holy Spirit #The Virgin Mary #grace #hope #faith'family #parenthood #Christian #Good Servant #Golden Talents #sacrifice #salvation #free-willconcupience #Gardian Angel #heaven #reconciliation #St John Vianny #beleive #Year of Mercy

[katherinabowling-blog]

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