toji, the dick-slinging slasher 🍆💦 🔪❗️- toji fushiguro x fem reader
🍔: first jjk fic EVER and it's crack lmao.
🍔: this was too good for me not to write
🔪: prompts from the wheel of misfortune, i can't help myself
🔪: includes horror prompt from beyond the grave & kink prompts sir kink, clothed sex, filming/recording, food play, & size kink
🔪tagging: @bastardblvd, please don't kick me out of town for this mess of a fic 🤣😭
🍟:4.0k words
🍟:warnings: crack, slightly dubcon, non-penetrative sex?, cursing, dirty talk, spitting, age-gap (reader is early 20's, Toji is..undead) & spongebob dialogue. reader is squidward, basically.
🍟: this is not to be taken seriously! mcdonalds!manager!aki and denji from grimetown make appearances.
🍟: loosely based on my experience working in fast food.
🍟: banner made by me on pic collage
🍟: dividers by @/firefly-graphics
"Finally. 10 pm." You let out a deep sigh of exhaustion.
You had just finished mopping the entire lobby over again after a group of late-night stragglers had came in and ordered twenty McDoubles, extra pickles. What a strange order.
One of them even tried to get into a verbal altercation with you because he claimed that his sandwiches had no pickles and accused you of not giving him any.
You don't even work the fucking line; you're a cashier, for Christ's sake, even if you’re in the process of being cross-trained.
After dumping the dark, murky mop water outside the front door, you began to roll the bucket back to its designated area in the back of house.
Back there, Denji, your manager's weird associate, was picking at the leftover food from the dinner rush like a scavenging raccoon.
"You're not supposed to be back here." You gave him a deadpan look.
"You're not supposed to be back here," He mocked you, "Fuck that, I'm starving."
"Then go home and make something to eat?"
"Nah, this'll do." He unwrapped a McChicken that had probably been sitting there since lunchtime.
"You're about to have diarrhea out of this world."
He just shrugged.
You went on about your business with your other little housekeeping duties then took off your headset and nametag once you were done.
God, I hate this job.
You'd just finished university a week ago and upon your rejection of your dream graduate school, you ended up having to move back to Grimetown and live with your parents.
Your old-fashioned parents who don't believe in their grown children moving back home unless they have a job.
So here you are. Working at Mcdonald's with a fresh bachelor's degree under your belt.
"I'm going home. Later, Dingy." You pulled on your coat and grabbed your purse.
"Alright, and it's Denji."
"That's what I said, 'innit? Peace out."
Denji rolled his eyes at you just as Aki came out of the office. "Hold your horses, Y/N. Where do you think you're going?"
You froze, hand poised to open the door.
"Uh, home? It's almost ten-thirty."
Aki pulled a cigarette from under his hat, turned one of the grills on to light it, and then stuck it between his thin lips.
"No, you're not. I've decided that I'm going to keep the store open 24 hours now. More money for me-I mean you. Money for you."
You gave him an incredulous look and removed your hand from the door handle.
"What?! This place is a shithole, it's not built to run 24 hours!"
As you said this, the lights started flickering.
"See!"
"Denji, stop that!"
"Sorry."
Aki looked about ready to give up on life but he shook his head as if to clear his thoughts.
"Anyway, here's the keys. You'll switch out with the morning shift at 6 am. Have fun. Don't burn the place down, no matter how tempting it may be."
You didn't know what to do, so you just stood there with your mouth open.
"I can't believe this shit! You can't just leave me here by myself all night!" Snapping out of your little trance, you followed after the dark-haired man.
Aki turned his body halfway to meet your gaze, half-smoked cigarette still between his lips.
“You won’t be by yourself. Denji is here with you.” As if that was supposed to put you at ease.
“What? You can’t leave me here with him; he doesn’t even work here!”
Denji hopped down from the counter and strutted over to the two of you, chest poked out.
“Don’t worry your pretty little head, Y/N. I’ll take good care of you~” He then smirked as his eyes trailed over your body in your too-tight uniform shirt and pants.
You swear that bastard Aki purposefully ordered your garments two sizes too small, causing you to have to literally squeeze your assets into the God-forsaken red shirt and black pants every other day.
"You stay away from me." You pointed an acrylic fingernail at Denji without taking your eyes off of Aki.
"No way you can leave me here with Dumbass all night."
"It's Denji."
"That's what I said."
"Oh, but I can. You stay or you're fired. Simple as that. See you later!" He attempted to give you both a half-hearted wave, but you grabbed the sleeve of his jacket.
"Where are you going?"
Aki looked at you befuddled - are you actually whining?
He gently brushed you off of him and removed the cigarette from between his lips.
“I’m going home - where else? I have a life.”
"I have a life, too, ya know!"
Denji snickered. "How can you? You live with your parents."
“You shut up! No one asked you!” You retorted before sulking off to the back again.
_____
Toji didn’t know how to feel after he was killed by Gojo.
He thought that he’d at least go straight to hell, but apparently, that didn’t happen. Now here he was, in the middle of some…weird ass town in a shitty graveyard where the tombstones were poorly maintained. Damn, did anyone in this piece of shit town even tend to their dearly departed?
“This shit sucks…” Toji complained as he pulled himself out of a shallow grave that someone must have dug and threw him in unceremoniously. After brushing the dirt off his broad shoulders with his one good hand (only hand), he stretched it above his head and yawned.
The town ahead of him was dark, with only a few lights on of some apartment buildings, houses, and businesses that were crazy enough to run their power bills up by staying open all damn night long.
Like one certain McDonald’s….
_____
“Hey, Y/N, look at me! I’m uploading thirst traps to my Instagram story…at night.” Denji winked at you and clicked his tongue, waving his iPhone in his hand.“When else would you upload them, Dumbfuck?” You replied blandly as you lazily flipped through a magazine.”Whoever is thirsting over you is clearly blind or just desperate.” You added.
“Oh, that’s harsh.” He frowned. The two of you were just sitting around, bored out of your minds. No customers had entered the store since Aki left forty-five minutes ago.
Denji paraded around the table you were sitting at, chanting about different tasks that he was doing on his phone…at night.
Then suddenly…
Silence.
“Hey, Y/N, wanna hear a scary story?”
Silence over.
“No, but I know that you’re going to tell me anyway, so let’s hear it.” You rolled your eyes and closed the magazine, now giving the blonde your full attention.
"Okay, so-"
The bell over the door rang and in walked a customer, whistling happily.
"Good evening! I'd like to make an order!"
Both you and Denji stared at him for a long while until you finally decided to peel yourself out of the red leather booth and head to the cash register.
"What can I get for you tonight, sir?"
"One Big Mac Meal, please, extra onions on that. Oh, are the fries fresh?"
You looked behind him at the clock on the wall: 11:25 pm.
"No," You stated dryly, "will that be all for you?"
The man gulped nervously at your lackluster expression and less-than-enthused tone and nodded.
"$8.35."
____
After the customer was situated at a table and munching his food happily, Denji continued with his story.
“As I was saying. The legend of Toji, the Dick-Slinging Slasher.”
You had to hold back from spitting some of your orange Hi-C right into his ridiculous face.
“I’m sorry, did you say ‘dick-slinging?!”
“That’s what I said, yeah.” Denji nodded, not phased by your outburst.
“Legend has it, that on dark, cloudy nights, much like this one, he stalks the neighborhood looking for unsuspecting bitches to rob.”
“Okay, and that’s scary, because? Sounds like an average day in Grimetown.” You snorted.
"Be serious for one second, Y/N!" He slapped his palms down on your table.
Who is he to tell someone to be serious?
"Alright, alright, I'm listening."
Denji continued, "In his past life, he was a nothing-ass-bitch and deadbeat father who went around stealing from people or assassinating them for money."
"He got killed by this super overpowered albino that he failed to assassinate and then after that, no one knows what happened to him. I heard that some teens from Grimetown High threw his ass in a ditch as a dare and that's where he's buried to this day."
You couldn't help but bust out laughing; this was the dumbest story that you'd ever heard!
"Denji…I'm still failing to see how this story is supposed to be scary…"
"Well, when the albino killed him, he mutilated the entire left side of Toji's body, leaving a big ass gaping hole and Toji with only one arm. That doesn't stop him from slinging his community dick to all the unsuspecting bad bitches, though."
'Okay, this is idiotic. I'm checking out.' You shook your head and got up with your cup, dumping the leftover ice down the drink fountain’s drain.
“Heed my warnings, Y/N! When the clock strikes midnight, he’ll come for you! Guard your booty!” Denji wiggled his fingers and made moaning noises that sounded more…pornographic than ghostly.
“Yeah, alright. I’m going to dust the drive-thru windows.”
____
12:00 AM, Midnight
So those clouds turned out to be storm clouds full of rain that was soon pounding down onto the miserable roof of your little establishment. The roof was leaking in a few places because Aki was too lazy to call the contractors to come and look at it.
“I swear, what is he even good for besides secondhand smoke and micromanaging everybody?” You groaned, placing yet another bucket under a leaking spot.
A loud crack of thunder sounded, and then everything went black.
“Denji!”
“It wasn’t me that time!”
A few seconds later, said blonde came from the back carrying a heavy-duty flashlight.
“The power’s out. I tried tripping the breaker but got nothing.”
“Isn’t there a backup generator here?” You asked and he just shrugged.
“Don’t ask me; I don’t work here.”
With a loud groan, you went to grab your cell phone out of your bag to call Aki.
No signal.
“Oh, you’re fucking kidding.”
You replaced the rectangular device inside your bag and retreated to the lobby where Denji was.
The thunder roared louder and the rain pattered harder against the roof and the glass windows.
“Hey Y/N?”
“What, Denji?”
“This is kind of like the story, right? The perfect setting for Toji to show up.” You scoffed.
“Denji, that was just a stupid story. It’s not true at all! No one could survive with half of their body blasted away!!” You were just about at your wit’s end now, when the customer with the Big Mac came to the counter to ask you for ketchup.
“You’re still here?” Denji asked and the guy just looked at him. After he got his condiments, he packed up the rest of his meal and left, probably to get home and out of the rain.
The next few moments were spent in silence with the two of you trying to figure out how to get the power back up and running.
While Denji was in the back where the breaker box was, you were searching underneath the countertops for some sort of panic button or something.
CRASH!
Either Denji fell or a tree came down outside. You hoped it was the former, honestly.
Tap tap tap tap tap.
“Denji?! Is that you? Did you fall?” You whisper-shouted. You shined the flashlight on your phone to the back, trying to locate him.
“Fall?”
Tap tap tap tap tap.
The lights began to flicker again and you jumped once you saw Denji suddenly standing beside you.
“Don’t do that! You almost scared me half to death, you dummy!”
“Sorry. Hey, what’s that tapping sound I keep hearing?”
“Y-you mean…you weren’t doing that?”
SCREEEEEECHHHH!
Lightning flashed at the same time that the lights flickered back on.
At the front door, the tall outline of a burly man was standing there. His wet, dark hair splayed across his forehead and his eyes glowed a menacing red.
“IT’S T-THE D-D-...!”
Denji’s body seized up as the man put his hand on the door and pushed it open, letting the pounding rain slosh and slide across the tiled floor. His slippered feet stomped through the puddles of water that were forming as he stalked his way toward the both of you. The little squish squish of his shoes through the water must’ve snapped Denji out of his little trance. He then looked at you as if realizing you were still there and in this predicament with him.
“Oh Y/N…I’m so honored that you went to all this trouble dressing up and using my own story to try and scare me! I knew that you liked me!” He chuckled, trying to convince himself that what he was seeing couldn’t be real.
Your mouth gaped open as you could only stare at the huge man coming towards you both now. Up close, he’s quite a looker. Deep, blue eyes, a cocky smirk set upon those handsome features, and a long, diamond-shaped scar at the corner of his mouth.
“Denji…there’s only two problems with your theory, there. I barely fucking know you, so how could I like you, and how could that be me when I’m standing right fucking here?!” You screamed at the idiotic blonde.
“Ah, what a noisy couple the two of you are. Making my fucking head spin.” Toji continued walking until he was right up on you. You had to crane your neck back to look up at his face. He looked right back down into your surprised one.
“You’re a cute one. Judging by that tight-ass uniform, I’m assuming that you work here?”
“Y/N, RUN! IT’S TOJI THE DICK-SLINGING SLASHER!”
Yeah, I think it’s a little too late for that now, don’t you think, Denji?
“Is that what I’m being called now? How lame.” Toji chuckled and before you could blink he kicked Denji into the wall.
“H-hey! Leave him alone, you one-armed prick!” You argued with a shake in your voice, which only amused Toji further.
“Prick? Where are your manners, you little brat? You’ll address me by sir and nothing else. You understand that, bitch?”
Denji groaned from where he was slumped against the wall.
"Sir? Fucking cringe. Next, he'll be expecting you to call him daddy."
Toji ignored Denji's comment and waited for your response.
You opened your mouth a couple of times but no words came out.
Toji leaned his ear down to your mouth.
"Can't hear you, darling. What was that?"
"Y-yes sir."
He smirked and straightened his back.
"Good girl. Now, what do you serve here?"
"W-we serve food here, sir."
He clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes at you before looking above your head to the lighted menu.
"Don't be a smartass."
He rubbed his thick fingers over his chin while he tried to decide on a meal.
"I think I'll have the Spicy McCrispy meal, hold the onions. Extra ketchup and pickles, large fry, and Diet Coke. Gotta keep it balanced." He chuckled to himself once he'd finished.
"Make sure you make it extra tender, juicy, and hot."
The bile began rising in your throat - both at his words and at the fact that you knew the oil that those crispy sandwiches were cooked in hadn't been changed in over a week.
"$10.96."
Toji stared at you blankly and you just returned it. You both stood there awkwardly staring at each other for a moment.
"$10.96?" You repeated.
"I…uh..left my wallet in my other sweatpants?"
You could feel the sweat dripping down the side of your forehead.
"Forget it. You'll pay for it with the insane amount of explosive diarrhea that you're going to have."
Toji chuckled nervously and leaned against the counter, watching you move around while you fixed his food.
He was instantly mesmerized by how much your ass still jiggled despite the tightness of your pants.
"Here ya go." Your voice snapped him out of his perverted thoughts.
The tray of food looked surprisingly delicious, but you know that it's old and that the fries are cold and stiff.
Toji didn't care, though; he was just glad to have a meal.
He ate everything greedily, all the while never taking his eyes off of you.
When he finished, surprisingly, he dumped his trash in the bin and straightened up his area.
You had retreated to the back of house before he finished; with the power being restored, you could now focus on doing some other menial tasks that you'd only just now remembered.
"Hey…you! Leave Y/N alone!" Denji warned as he watched Toji begin to follow where you had gone.
"Fuck off, pipsqueak, or I'll kill you."
—
In the back, you'd started washing dishes and prepping some things for the morning staff.
The door separating the back of the house and the lobby swung open and then shut loudly behind you.
"Huh? You? What are you doing back here?"
"Hush now, darling; you wouldn't want your little friend out there to hear us now, would you?"
"Who, Dickhead? He's not my fucking friend, not by a long shot. Doesn't mean I'd want you to kill him, though."
"You sure got a nasty mouth on you, little one. What, not afraid of me anymore?"
The rusty blade of a sword made contact with the back of your neck.
"I mean, at this point, I was hoping that you were just a bad bout of indigestion, but that doesn't seem to be the case, now does it, gramps?"
Toji could feel the left side of his face twitching: "Gramps?"
You blinked once. "Yeah, gramps. You've probably been dead for ages now, so you're like somebody's rusty old great-great-grandpa."
"Rusty?!"
He pressed his crotch against your ass and let you feel his raging hard-on. Even through your pants, you could feel the weight and girth of his dick.
"Would someone who's considered to be 'rusty' be able to get this hard, baby girl?"
His one hand pushed down on your lower back, making you bend over the sink.
"Much better. 'Face down, ass up' suits you, darling."
Toji continued to rub his hard dick against the seat of your pants while making sure you stayed pressed against the sink.
A few soft moans of surprise escaped from your lips as he continued rutting against you.
"T-Toji.. " Your fingernails gripped the edge of the metal sink. His pelvis pushed against your ass and you bounced it back against him…
"Good girl, so fucking sexy." He growled, moving to grab a handful of your ponytail that peeked out of the hole in your McDonald's cap.
This continued for several minutes; Toji moving his hand between gripping your hair, holding your hip, rubbing his thick fingers over your clothed cunt, and smacking your ass.
This ordeal would have to take the cake of being the weirdest night of your life, with no competition.
"Fuck, Toji…this is so weird but hot…I think I'm going to cum…"
He chuckled darkly, "So you get off to dry-fucking creepy old men after insulting them, eh? What a pompous, dirty, little slut you are, baby."
His movements got faster, making the sink rattle against its unstable position on the wall.
Just as you were getting close to finishing in your panties, Toji flipped you around, making your back press against the sink painfully.
You didn't have time to start a complaint though, because now he was slotting himself in between your legs.
"Woah!"
You didn't know that your leg could stretch that far, but Toji stretched it until your black slip-resistant sneaker was behind your ear.
He began again with the same movements: thrusting against you with all the intent of a man getting ready to bust a fat nut.
"A-ahh, Toji…
"Hmm, feels good, sugar?"
Sugar.
"Y-yes, Toji…God."
He chuckled and moved to hover over you. A trickle of warm saliva dripped from his lips into your waiting mouth before he cupped your cheeks.
"Swallow."
You gulped, letting the viscous material slide down your dry throat.
With your head slightly tilted back, a blinking red light caught your eye. Toji followed your line of sight and then smirked.
"Does that camera work?"
"I don't think so…Aki never gets shit fixed around here…ah.." A sharp thrust of his hips against your covered clit made you shiver.
From the sound of your moans, Toji could tell that you were getting close.
With that one arm wrapped securely around your waist, the strong man lifted you up high to where you almost touched the dingy, grease-splattered ceiling.
He settled you down onto the line where the food was bagged and prepared to be sent out. There was a stack of brown serving trays next to you, containers of ketchup and other condiments, and…the ice cream machine.
"Toji.. what are you planning?" You asked, bringing your cute and confused E/C gaze up to meet his lustful sapphire one.
He hummed quietly and pressed his lips against your neck.
"Could have sworn I told you to call me sir, brat."
You rolled your eyes. He just wasn't going to let it go, was he?
“May I ask what you’re planning to do next, sir.” You huffed like a contemptuous child, making Toji’s dick jump.
With this new positioning, you were facing the camera head-on. God, you really hoped that thing wasn’t actually on.
“Smile for the camera, sweetheart.” He whispered in your ear before biting the shell of it, letting his tongue trail down until he was tasting the metal of your silver earring.
"You're so tiny and light, I love lifting you up as if you were nothing more but a little ragdoll." Toji bit at your earlobe, making you let out a loud squeal. Denji definitely would've heard that.
His hand moved to pull your hair, yanking your head to the side so he could leave a trail of wet kisses down from your ear, across the expanse of your neck and collarbones, and down the valley of your breasts once he'd popped the buttons on your shirt open.
With the angle he had you at, your chest was positioned right under the nozzle of the ice cream machine and your near-fucked-out self hit the button, making a gush of cold, melted cream-colored confection spill across your chest.
Toji raised an eyebrow at you and failed to bite back a laugh. You, on the other hand, weren't as amused.
"What? You'd rather have something else white and creamy splattered across your chest?" He asked.
You flopped back on the counter and flipped him off. He began to massage the melted ice cream into your skin.
"Looks so sweet. Got any cherries to go on top?”
“Fuck you.”
A handsome, devilish grin stretched across his face. “You just did.”
"What made you appear here tonight?"
He laughed outright.
"Didn't you listen to the story, dollface? I'm here to sling dick to all the unsuspecting bad bitches, and tonight just happened to be your lucky night."
—
Aki came in the next morning, well-rested and without a care in the world.
With a lit cigarette between his lips, he fumbled with his massive set of keys until he found the correct one needed to open the doors.
Denji had texted him at some point last night telling him about the storm, so his first order of business today was to check to see if the security cameras were still functioning properly.
He sat down at his desk and popped in the security tape from last night.
The employees, customers, and vendors that had come in after him would hear a very loud and very distinct shout of 'WHAT THE FUCK?!' from the back.
----
*ʳᵉᵇˡᵒᵍˢ ᵃʳᵉ ᵃᵖᵖʳᵉᶜⁱᵃᵗᵉᵈ!
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