(It’s really not much, it just says “please break into my house and give me a kiss” in big letters written in red glitter gel pen)
Dear M. Anonymous,
I fear it is with a heavy heart that I must disclose my sorry state of affairs. A visitation to your residence is beyond my current capability and I am in duly need of your assistance.
Please enclose your reply with your credit card number, the three numbers on the back and the expiration month and year.
Accept my sincere apologies for any inconvenience my request may cause you.
Why can’t I be stupidly wealthy. Why can’t i be friends with stupidly wealthy people so I don’t have to twist myself into knots and get the silly treats I crave for.
This entry brought to you by my bank account after having paid for dental treatment and therapy :/