#& I also hit that mental wall of what will things look like in 150 years

[helvetica12point]

Hi the corona lockdown is getting to me. Could help me to talk. Please do not leave me all alone. Not in the darkness on my own...

Lockdown getting to you is 150% understandable and hella normal. Like, this shit has been going on for a year, everyone has been freaking out and for a lot of us we're within the 1 year anniversary (give or take a few weeks) of everything hitting the fan, which just adds to the stress.

The social isolation that has happened as a result of the pandemic has been crippling, even for people who are usually okay by themselves. Humans are social creatures, we have a psychological need to interact with other humans outside of our family unit or we get really weird at best, and incredibly depressed at worst. So, what you're feeling is not necessarily an unreasonable reaction. Like, the whole pandemic has been pretty darned depressing, you know?

So first off, you are not alone. Whether you've been stuck at home all this time, you've been an essential worker and had to go out in public this whole time, or if you're actually down with the Rona and quarantining, you are not alone.

But as you also know, just because you're reaching out, giving in to the depression-however sane a response it may be-isn't safe either. Like so many of the ways our brains try to protect us, letting depression hang around too long is just as bad as the stuff that causes it. I've been at the bottom of that pit, it is a horrible place to be. And finding the way back out isn't easy, either. But the good news is that there are multiple ways to get out of that dark pit, because we all find our own way that works for us.

If it's not presumptuous, I'd like to just give a list of some things that might help. I don't know your personal situation, so some of them may be useless. Others you may have already tried. So just ignore anything like that and focus on whatever will help you most here.

Since it's lockdown getting to you the most right now, think about how many people are getting vaccinated right now, and how many are already fully vaccinated! Vaccination is how we're going to get out of this, and the fact that it's going fairly well is a light at the end of the tunnel. The media and your brain will say, "yes, but-" and my advice in that case is to just say no and don't let your brain finish that thought. Focus on the good bit, you can worry about the rest later when you're in a better head space. Or maybe never, your choice.

The standard advice of drink a glass of water, make sure you've eaten recently, and make sure you're getting enough (but not too much) sleep. It's all stuff that's easy to forget but that will make a ridiculous difference in your mood.

If you are able, go for a walk or a bike ride (obviously not if you're in quarantine if you're going to be around people). Standard advice, I know, but it can help sometimes.

Go outside in the sun and experience something green and alive. You get a bit of free vitamin D that way, and plants make really nice friends, even if it's just grass and weeds. Apologies if you live in an area that still has snow; bundle up and find an evergreen tree (don't get frostbite).

Create something. This always helps me, but I'm also an artist. It does not matter if it's a brilliant work of art, a batch of cookies, or looks like something a five year old made. Take existing things, combine them in some manner, and create a new and different thing. It does not matter what, as long as the thing you make did not previously exist (please avoid making explosives or biological weapons). Look at the fingers us humans have! Look at how creative a species we are! Humans are designed to make things. If nothing else, it's a good distraction.

Watch a positive movie/show. There can be some leeway here cause what we find comforting is different for everyone, but try to avoid the grimdark post apocalypse stuff. Try to find something that has a bit of hope for humanity. If you want a totally random suggestion, I've been watching Rookie Historian Goo Hae-Ryung on netflix lately. It's a light hearted historical k-drama and it's honestly just cute and light and fun. My husband says it's a soap opera and I'm just like, who cares, it's fun.

Listen to some good music. If you'd like a couple of recommendations, nothing calms me down when I feel squicky like The Glitch Mob, they are my go to "I'm anxious as fuck and need to calm down" music. Delain is another good band, very positive (seriously, if you can listen to Delain and not feel at least a little inspired and like the world has some magic in it you have no soul), and I recommend Icon For Hire to anyone who has struggled with mental illness because, well, they get it. Like, I was in a bad patch when I got their latest album and I legit started crying a little on the first couple of songs because the lyrics were that spot on. Hella empowering for the song along, whether you sing on key or off.

Learn something new. Whether it's going down the rabbit hole on wikipedia, khan academy, or even just listening to a good podcast, find a topic that sounds vaguely interesting and get a little obsessed. This can even be wierd mysteries! My personal favorite wierd mysteries are Dyatlov Pass (which has arguably, if boringly been solved but it's still tragically fascinating) and Oak Island (people have been digging for over 200 years and I applaud the current group for chronicling their futile efforts via TV, which I suspect it's how they're funding it; it's adorable how they think they'll find something, although I really need to catch up).

I hope something in this list helps, and I'm sorry it took so long to get a response back to you. I'm somehow considered an essential worker and was at work all day (I can only access my phone on breaks).

I genuinely hope things get better for you. I know it's not much, but I hope something in this wall of text helps to ease things a little.

#coronavirus 2020 #depression #tw depression #asks answered

[babybirdgyeom]

you, me and bertha | pjy

genre: neighbors!au, farmer!au, lots of bickering and alcohol

word count: 30k

summary: when you moved to your uncle’s farm you expected a lot of things - but not to fall in love with your handsome, yet very annoying neighbor park jinyoung, whose favorite hobby was to tease you.

note: i posted parts of this before but never finished it - so i rewrote it all and here it is, the finished story! 

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Walking the long but yet very pretty way towards the small village that, from today on, was supposed to be your new home you felt a bit indifferent. While you were sure that it was time for you to start a new chapter of your life you still were anxious about taking such a big step. Moving to the farm that belongs to your uncle seemed like a good idea to you, the place held such special memories and as a child you always wanted to live here, working on the farm, supporting your uncle and his son, Bambam.

The big city you grew up had nothing to offer you anymore – so now, you wanted a cut in your life. There was nothing you loved more than sneaking out with your cousin at night, secretly meeting up with your friends, going for a swim in the small, but yet very charming lake next to your house. You wouldn't trade those memories for nothing, cherishing each and every one of them.

It's been such a long time since you visited the town, you actually felt a bit nostalgic when you arrived in the center of the town. The residents liked to call the marketplace at the beginning of the town „the heart“ of the city. Ever since your last visit many years ago nothing has changed. Basically, it was a round and rather big circle, surrounded by a small café that has been there all your life, right next to it the library that was owned by the Kim's, the parents of Bambam's closest friend, Kim Yugyeom. You couldn't help but smile as you remembered how you used to hide in the library, reading the same few books over and over again. Opposite of the library was the old restaurant – every single rather important event was celebrated in that restaurant, may it be birthdays, anniversaries, New Year's Eve or whatever other reason there was.

It was so popular not only because of the delicious food they had but also because it was literally the only restaurant around. Your uncle and your neighbors, the Park's, were providing them with the food they needed, so you usually always got food for free which lead to you and Bambam spending a lot of time at the restaurant, no matter how often your uncle insisted he could cook dinner for you.

And last, but certainly not least, there was the little pub that you never actually were allowed to spend time in since you used to be too young. The Im’s, the owners of the place, were very strict about that. None of you and your friends were ever allowed to be inside the pub as long as you were minors – even their son Jaebeom rarely ever saw it from the inside.

As you stood in the middle of the marketplace you couldn't help but smile as the last sunrays of this warm late summer day were falling right onto the pub, making it look a bit more beautiful than it actually was. The paint on the outside was splintered and the sign that simply said ‘The Im’s Pub’ was slowly falling apart - somehow all of this gave it a certain charm though. The mentality of the village always made you feel comfortable. There were about 150 people living here if you had to guess and the next supermarket was a twenty-five minute drive away but the people seemed so happy, not worrying about a lot of things.

You decided that a short stop in the pub before you’d go home to your uncle’s house wouldn’t hurt anyone. After all, you were way too curious to finally see the place everyone always used to go after work ended.

As you carefully entered the door you felt cheerful - it looked exactly like you always imagined it to be. Most of the furniture was made out of old wood, the bar was long and it was the first thing one would notice as they came in since it was on the opposite wall of the entrance.

Your smile was a mile wide when you spotted the one man you hoped to find standing behind the bar. Of course, Jaebeom was the bartender by now, it was always his plan to work here, to him it seemed to be the coolest thing ever to be a bartender, especially in his own bar. For a second you studied him, he looked dangerously handsome. Certainly a lot taller than the last time you had interacted with him and his face looked more mature, a sharp jawline and high, defined cheekbones, his hair styled back making him look almost evil with the combination of the tight and dark shirt he was wearing and the nose ring shining in the light. If it wasn’t for the two moles under his eyebrow you would have to look twice to be sure it was the same Im Jaebeom you spent so much time with as a child.

The expression on his face as he recognized you, the young lady from out of town, was priceless - his whole relaxed and cool facade vanished immediately as he looked at you with his eyes wide open, a questioning glance as he saw you. He was caught off guard, his mouth slightly open.

“Just the man I hoped to find. Im Jaebeom, you look good,” you flirted as you walked towards the bar, “I’d like to have one beer please.”

Within seconds he was walking away from his place behind the bar to come and embrace you in a tight hug before mustering you, shortly studying your face to make sure you were really the person he thought you were.

“(Y/N), live and in color? I thought you forgot about us,” he joked cheesily, his hand holding your chin.

A joyful laugh came out of your mouth as he walked back behind the bar, opening both, you and himself, a beer.

“You could’ve called, you know? No need to surprise me like this. My old heart can’t take those kinds of surprises anymore.”, he sounded lighthearted, just like you remembered him.

Immediately you felt ten times lighter, clicking with people you haven’t seen in a long time was one of the purest things in existence and you were more than relieved to see that you and Jaebeom were equally as excited to be reunited after such a long time. Not getting along with your old friends, especially Jaebeom, was one of the many fears you had about moving here.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think Bambam would actually keep quiet about me coming back.” you admitted.

“How long has it been since we saw each other?”, he asked as he was leaning against the bar, his whole attention on his former best friend, still having an obviously hard time to believe that you were actually sitting in front of him right now.

Before you could give him an answer someone else started to talk from behind you and you immediately recognized his orotund voice, “Six long years.”, your cousin said while he and another familiar face walked up to you.

Bambam pulled you into an even deeper hug than Jaebeom did and you felt home within seconds. Yugyeom was right beside him, of course, where else would he be than next to Bambam? The two of them still were inseparable apparently.

“How did you manage to not say anything?” Yugyeom said in shock before looking at you, “It’s good to see you again, (y/n). I can’t believe Bambam didn’t tell us.”

You were almost amazed at how much he grew, his chin could easily rest on your head by now, something that you would’ve never thought could happen. Yugyeom has always been the youngest and smallest kid back then and now he was the tallest in the room.

“I wasn’t sure if she’d actually come. Didn’t want to get your hopes up, Yugyeom,” he teased his friend, still nagging about the crush he had on you when you were five years old. Yugyeom rolled his eyes at his comment before bringing his attention back to you and Jaebeom, sitting down on the stool beside yours.

“So, how long are you going to stay?” Jaebeom asked suddenly.

For the first time, you actually had to say the truth out loud, making it feel much more real.

“I’m not planning to leave again,” you sounded more confident than you thought, the nice encounter with your old friends almost making you feel like you had nothing to worry about.

There was a moment of silence, both of them not knowing what to say, broken by Bambam when he let out a laugh.

“You know, I never saw you speechless until now,” he said amused.

“You mean-”, Yugyeom started to form a sentence but dropped it, not knowing how to continue.

“You’re moving here?”, Jaebeom asked, wrinkles on his forehead as his brows narrowed in confusion. As you slowly nodded his concentrated expression vanished and changed into a grin. “You’re actually moving here.”, he repeated breathlessly, more to himself than to you, slowly nodding to himself as if he had to progress the new information, “Welcome home then, (y/n). Let’s celebrate a bit.”, he said while pouring shots into a few glasses in front of him.

Time went by fast and you had fun learning about what happened in the last six years. It didn’t sound like a lot has changed though, they were still as close and as fun to be around as last time. Every time you looked at them it hit you how fast time flew by, it felt like a few months ago that all of you were playing hide and seek in the middle of the night while your parents had no idea you sneaked out. Those teenage boys were adults now, or at least on their way to becoming some.

A few hours and many shots later, you and Bambam walked home, the night sky was breathtakingly clear and full of stars - a sight you could never see in your hometown. You forgot how special it felt to walk under millions of stars.

Walking home with Bambam was your favorite part about today, you definitely missed him the most. He told you a bit about how Jackson and Mark are thinking about taking over the old restaurant because the owners are getting too old to manage everything and about Yugyeom and Youngjae being into the same girl, without knowing that Mark is dating her secretly.

As you arrived at home your uncle was sitting in the rocking chair on the porch in front of the old farmhouse.

“Uncle Minwoo,“ you almost shouted out as you saw him, jogging over to where he was sitting.

Minwoo always was your favorite uncle and you were his favorite niece, much to the dislike of your siblings.

“(Y/n),” he laughed as you hugged him, “you smell like you had a good time in the pub.”

“We actually have a small surprise for you,” Bambam told you to follow him.

He lead you to the old little cottage that has been on the farm for as long as you were able to think – back in the days it was mainly used for storing tools and electronics that shouldn’t be exposed to the rain. A bit confusion coming over you, your uncle handed you a key and you opened the small hut. Stepping inside, you couldn’t believe your eyes.

“Welcome home,“ your uncle said as you observed the comfortable room. A small kitchen, a couch and a TV in the living room, a bed on the other side of the room. They painted the walls white and decorated a bit, making you feel touched. You were sure you could stay here forever, it looked so cute and welcoming, like a real home. Not a thousand words could describe how much you appreciated them for putting in so much effort, just to make you feel comfortable.

As you thanked both, Bambam and your uncle, you sat down and all of you talked a bit until your uncle told you to go to sleep. Work wouldn’t wait for you and you were thankful for any second of sleep you could get.

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Waking up the next morning, you immediately regretted the alcohol you were having yesterday. Your phone said it was currently six in the morning and while being woken up by the sound of chicken and cows was way more relaxing than your alarm clock you still would have preferred to just sleep in.

Walking outside a few minutes later you inspected the farm – it was a giant property with two big houses on it. Half of the farm belonged to your uncle, he took care of the animals, the other half belonged to the Park's, in charge of the harvest.

Starting the day with feeding the chickens and collecting eggs was one of the easier tasks you had to face today since it almost didn’t require any kind of skill. While you were picking up another egg you suddenly heard someone scream at you from behind.

“Hey! Put the eggs back! Who in the world steals eggs these days?”, the deep voice belonged to a man but before you could turn around to find out who was screaming at you, he held your wrists behind your back, not giving you any space to move.

Your attempt to free yourself was almost embarrassing, you had no chance.

Turning your head around to scream at the stranger you muted as soon you met his eyes - the words you wanted to scream wouldn’t come out as you looked into the familiar face of his.

His thick eyebrows were furrowed, his dark eyes were piercing you, filled with a mixture of anger and annoyance - he was staring at you and waiting for an explanation.

“Par-,“ your voice died and you fastly cleared your throat, “Park Jinyoung?”

His annoyed expression changed into a confused one as you called him by his name. You couldn’t believe he was accusing you of stealing eggs.

“Let go of me!” you demanded but Jinyoung wasn’t planning to listen to you.

“Who are you?”, he asked harshly, “You’re not from here. How do you know my name?”

The grip on your wrists became tighter and actually started to hurt a bit.

“I’m (Y/N). Minwoo’s niece,” you replied just as harsh as he asked you, “Didn’t Mrs. Park teach you any manners?”

He let you go and you immediately grabbed your own wrist just so he couldn’t grab them again. A small pout formed on your lip as you looked at them, trying not to let him see that it actually hurt.

“What are you doing here?” he asked you.

Now you were facing him and you had to stop for a second to take in his beauty. As he was holding you, you didn’t really manage to study his face since you were too busy trying to free yourself but now you started realizing how handsome he became.

It's not like he was ugly before, you and him just never clicked and that’s why you never gave his face any kind of attention. Jinyoung wasn’t a bad guy, you knew that because Jaebeom repeatedly assured you that he was actually a very loving person once you get to know him. Personally, you just never really got the chance to, since he definitely wasn’t interested in anything that had to do with you. Not in a mean way though, he just didn’t seem to care about the girls in town, especially not the one who always came over the summer break and then left again.

Glowering at you, he was waiting for an answer. You, on the other hand, didn’t dare to look him into his eyes, instead, your eyes were studying the rest of his face. His features were sharper and manlier now, his brows thick but he still had the same wrinkles around his eyes. For a second you wanted to look at his lips but you stopped yourself, not wanting him to get wrong ideas.

“What are you doing here?” you asked in retund instead of giving an answer, “Didn’t you always say you wanted to leave this place?”

He rolled his eyes as you avoided his question.

“I asked first,“ he said, making it hard for you not to chuckle at the very immature conversation you were having.

“I am working here. Don’t you have some vegetables to take care of?” you asked coldly before turning your back to him.

“You better get used to my face, if you scare me like this one more time I might have a heart attack.”, you added as your attention back to feeding the chickens.

But instead of leaving Jinyoung was walking to stand right beside you again, “You’re working here? How come?” he asked. It never was a secret that Jinyoung wanted to leave this town, he used to talk about it a lot back then already and, even though he still was here, apparently, he still wanted to leave.

“I’m supporting my family,” you shrugged, not looking at him. You really didn’t want to be cold to him but you were tired and you knew how Jinyoung was, he’d either be totally rude or uninterested.

You could see him shake his head in confusion as you were continuing with your work, “Okay, you go milk those cows and churn that butter if this is what fulfills you, (y/n). I’ll go back to work,“ he pointed at the field of tomatoes on the other side of the farm your families shared and left you alone again.

Walking over to the cows, you couldn't help but wonder why he still was here. He was a very clever guy, he could easily go and leave this town to study and open a business or whatever it was he wanted to do. Glancing over to him one more time, you tried to milk the cows.

The field of tomatoes he was currently working on was not too far away but luckily far enough to give you a bit of privacy. He seemed to be very invested in picking the best tomatoes he could find, a concentrated glance on his face. And you really should try to concentrate too, since you haven’t milked a cow in years.

But you failed miserably. To your desperation, no one was around when you went looking for Bambam or your uncle to help you. Trotting back to the cows you sat down on a small stool in front of one them, giving it another try.

You groaned at the cow, laying your head back and closing your eyes in frustration.

“Just give me your stupid milk, please,” you mumbled while taking a deep breath, your eyes still closed.

“Are you sure this is the right job for you? If you can’t even milk Bertha maybe you should reconsider,“ Park Jinyoung’s voice startled you, making you jump a bit. The grin on his face clearly was teasing, full of satisfaction because you were struggling, “Do you need help?”

“Please,“ you didn’t care about the triumphing grin on his face, you were more than willing to take his offer. Any kind of help was good. And in the end, you didn’t dislike Park Jinyoung, you just weren’t close to him.

He nodded before telling you to wait for a second as he walked towards the little shed. Coming out again he held a strange looking machine in his hand while attaching it to the cow’s udder.

“We haven't milked them by hand for years,” he explained to you as he took your wrist once again, this time more careful though, and slightly pulled you towards the cow’s udder, right next to him. “Watch closely, I’ll show you once and if you can’t follow, you’re on your own,” his words sounded harsh but you didn’t take them that way. The fact that Jaebeom was his best friend was something you two had in common and if Jaebeom wanted you to give Jinyoung a chance you would do that. For Jaebeom, but also for you. After all, Jinyoung was your neighbor and, in addition, he was a handsome man, you wouldn’t mind being able to look at his face whenever you wanted at all.

You saw the way he acts around the guys and you saw that he indeed had a very soft heart, maybe he just had a hard time showing it.

“Hey! Are you even watching?” he asked annoyed while glancing at you, “I know how to do this, I am not the one that has to learn. I’m being nice here, don’t waste my time.”

You chuckled a bit at him losing his temper so easily. “Yes, Jinyoung, I’m watching," you said grinning, “Wasting your time was not a task on my list today.”

After he rolled his eyes at you you could swear you saw a small smile on his face, “You’re really annoying,“ he insisted while starting to milk the cow.

You tried to concentrate on how exactly he does it, what movements his hands made and so on but you kept on finding yourself thinking about how good his hands looked – what in the world was wrong with you? It's not like you've never seen an attractive man before so you had no clue why your hormones were playing a game with you.

After you started to try milking the cows yourself you felt more than relieved that you actually managed to do it right. Letting out a small ‘thank god’ under your breath you realized that Jinyoung still stood right beside you, watching your every move.

“You know, you can go back to the toma-,” you started to say before he interrupted you in the same moment.

“Just a tip for you,“ he said, not sounding cold for the first time, “Don’t dress up for farm work. You’ll ruin your clothes. You can still wear cute outfits after you’re finished here. But while working just wear something old,“ he said as he was just about to turn around before you had to take the chance to annoy him one last time for now.

“You think my outfit is cute?” the grin on your face was wide and you were way too amused.

As a response he gave you a death glare, knowing that you’ll probably never stop teasing him about it.

“Please don't,“ was all he could whisper frustrated under his breath.

“What a softie you are,“ you said, playfully poking his upper arm, “Didn’t know you had that in you.”

He let out yet another sigh, sounding almost whiny, “Are you always this awful?“

“Dear diary,“ you said in a nagging tone, “Today Park Jinyoung gave me a complim-”

Before you could end your sentence he was covering your mouth, shaking his head in disbelief slowly, “I’ll go back to work, (y/n). Don’t forget to churn the butter. The wooden pitcher we use for it is in the shed,“ and with that, he walked back to his side of the farm again.

Just a second before he arrived he glanced over to you again, screaming so that you could hear him, “I didn’t compliment you okay? Don't let it get to your head.“

Waving at him from the shed, you nodded your head. “Sure. Talk to you later! Your outfit looks cute too by the way”, you screamed back. Maybe working next to Jinyoung wasn’t so bad after all, if he was always such an easy target to provocate you'd at least have your fun.

When Bambam came into the shed with the tools to take over a few hours later, you were churning the butter, cursing under your breath. Sweat was dripping all over your forehead and it was seriously tiring, every single muscle of your arm hurt. You weren’t sure if you could manage to do that on a daily base. At least you wouldn’t have to worry about a gym membership anymore.

Your cousin stared at you confused, a sly grin in the corner of his mouth, “What exactly are you doing?“

“I’m churning the goddamn butter. Why is it so hard?” you complained while looking up to him. He was holding two beers in his hands, handing one over to you before starting to laugh at your action.

“Why would you use that old thing for that? We have a machine that churns it for us,“ he laughed, “I don’t know why we even still have that old thing.”

“Fucking Park Jinyoung,“ you cursed under your breath, leaving Bambam even more confused.

“You met him?” he asked while sitting down in the hay beside you.

“I did," you hissed, “He was the one who told me to do it this way.”

Bambam’s smile grew wide as he tried to contain his laughter, “A typical Park Jinyoung move.”. He almost sounded satisfied that you were getting fooled by him, “He likes you if he teases you.”

The only response you could give him to that was an eye-roll, “Well, that’s not a very nice way of showing it,“ you took a big sip of the beer, knowing that you probably deserved it for all the teasing earlier, before continuing, “You didn’t tell me he became handsome though.”

Bambam’s eyes widened immediately as you confessed and you could tell he was trying not to spit out his drink out of shock. He fastly swallowed, “You have a crush on Park Jinyoung?”

You shook your head scoffing, lightly kicking his leg, “A crush? How old are we? I just think he’s very attractive. But he was pretty rude though.”

Bambam pressed his lips together in a thin line, looking into the sky, „His father died two years ago. He became a bit cold since then. But he opens up sooner or later, just be patient with him.“

You gulped at the news, “What a sad loss, Mr. Park was such a ray of sunshine, always ready to help.”

Bambam nodded, “He was. Olli was only six years old when his father died. But dad took a lot of care of them since then.”

There was a short silence. You still remembered little Olli, Jinyoung’s younger brother. The last time you saw him he was barely two years old.

“I can’t believe he’s your type though. I thought I really wanted to set you up with Yugyeom,“ Bambam broke the silence before you could think about it any longer, almost offended. You laughed at him. He was close to Jinyoung, you knew that, but he always wanted you to date Yugyeom, only for the purpose of having him as an official family member.

“That won’t happen, Bam.”, you broke it to him, much to his disappointment.

A deep sigh came from him, “Well if you want Jinyoung so bad, come to the pub with us. I bet he’ll be there too tonight. We are meeting at eight. What do you say?”

“I don’t want him, I simply said that he is good looking.”, you hoped he wouldn’t tease you all the time about this from now on, already starting to slowly regret that you even brought it up in the first place. And as much as you would like to go out to the pub with the others you had a date with your bathtub that you wouldn’t want to miss for anything else tonight.

“I’ll pass though. I’ll come next time,“ you promised, standing up and walking towards your door.

“I can’t wait to tell Jaebeom that you and Jinyoung are going to become a couple. How exciting!” he yelled after you, making you laugh out in frustration. Sharing your opinion on Jinyoung’s look with your cousin probably wasn't the best idea.

It fastly got dark outside and you were lighting the candles in your bathroom, the bathtub slowly filling up with hot water. Exactly what your muscles needed after churning the butter all afternoon. Putting a bit of milk in the bathtub, you wondered if you had some honey in the farmhouse by any chance. As you wrapped the first towel you could find around your body, you wanted to hush over to your uncle’s house to check. But what stopped you from your plans was a shadow you saw walking past your window, making you freeze until someone rang your door.

Opening it, no one else than Jinyoung was standing in front of it, his work clothes traded into sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, a basket in his hand and his eyes fixed on your exposed legs. The towel you were wearing luckily covered all of your breast and bottom but that was about it. And, as if it couldn't get worse, it also had a lot of fairies on it - it used to be your favorite towel when you were about five years old. Still, you didn’t need Jinyoung to see you wearing it.

“Jinyoung?“ you asked him, unsure why he was visiting but he was still looking at the exposed parts of your body, not doing a good job at hiding the fact that he got distracted by your legs. You barely noticed though because your thoughts wandered to this morning. “How dare you not telling me that we have a machine for the butter? Are you crazy?” you raised your voice at him.

“My arms hurt so much,“ you added, too tired to fight him so you decided to whine.

Coming back to reality, he laughed at you, his eyes now looking at your face, “You seriously did it all by yourself?”, he was lucky the wrinkles around his eyes were so cute whenever he laughed, otherwise you would have killed him right there, “You must be pretty strong then.”

This time it was your turn to give him a death glare, “What do you want?” you asked him annoyed before you saw his eyes wandering down to your legs once again.

Not missing out on the opportunity to nag him, you chuckled, “Do you like my outfit?” as you struck a small pose, you had to be careful not to expose any parts he shouldn’t see.

Rolling his eyes he handed over the basket, “Seriously, you’re so annoying.”

You grinned, thinking it’s quite funny how easy it was to annoy him, “But you still think I’m cute, so it doesn’t matter.”

There definitely was a smile hidden on his lips that he tried to hide at all cost, but you could see it reaching his eyes, “This is for you. My mum put your favorites in it. Tomatoes, cherries, peaches, blueberries. She asked me to bring it to you,“ the man said, trying to sound as uninterested and unbothered as possible.

“That-“ you started to say, feeling very touched about the little gift but a bit confused as to why Jinyoung brought it to you, “That’s so nice of her. I’ll come over tomorrow and thank her.”

He immediately focused on you again, “No, it's fine. I’ll tell her. She’s kind of sick at the moment, she needs to rest, Olli is not even letting me go near her because he doesn’t want anyone else to get sick, so I doubt he would let you come over.”

You mustered him suspiciously but decided to leave him be, you surely teased him enough for today and didn’t want him to actually dislike you.

“Alright, Jinyoung. Thank you,“ you gave him a soft smile as you were about to close the door.

“Wait,” he stopped you before you closed the door and you waited for him to say something, “Are you planning to go to the pub later?“ - if you didn’t expect him to ask one thing than it was this one. Why did he care suddenly?

“I don’t think so. Churning that butter has really worn me out, you know?” you said, laughing lightly, “And my bathtub is already waiting for me.”

“Oh alright. That’s cool. See you soon, I guess,“ he said before awkwardly giving you a small smile and leaving again. What a strange yet interesting guy he was.

Something about him made you look forward to your future on the farm. But before you could let it get to your head, you were interrupted by a text from no one else than Jaebeom.

[Jaebeom, 22:29]

Glad to hear you're getting yourself a man! Jinyoung and (y/n), how sweet.

You let out a small laugh before finally meeting your only date for tonight: Your bathtub. Though you had to admit that the handsome face from next door was coming to your mind every now and then.

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After a week you slowly got used to the daily work on the farm, your body was finally starting to react differently, your arms weren’t getting as sore anymore and waking up early was bothering you less and less. It was a sunny Saturday which means you had to gather all of the stuff your uncle wanted to sell on the market the next morning. Picking out the best eggs, milk, wool and cheese was pretty boring, especially since Bambam left early because he was going on a date tonight with some random girl you never heard of. But since you wanted him to be happy, and also because his teasing about Jinyoung was slowly but surely making you go insane, you told him it would be okay if he let you work alone today. It took you about an hour until you were finally done with carrying all of the boxes into your uncle’s car as you saw Mrs. Park, Jinyoung’s mother, and decided to help her quickly, she looked like she was struggling.

His mother was a beautiful and lovely lady, always has been. Her black hair was long and even though there were a few grey strands in it by now she still looked as young as ever.

“Mrs. Park, let me help you,“ you shouted while jogging over to her, “Where’s Jinyoung? Letting his mother carry all the heavy boxes of fruits and vegetables alone is not a nice thing to do,”, you disapproved, one box already in your hands.

She let out a laugh and you were reminded of how warm her laughter was, it sounded like the giggle of a small child.

“It’s fine, I told him to rest for today. He always works so much,” she let out a worried sigh, “I’m very thankful, I know helping me on the farm was not what he wanted to do with his life but he does it for me.”

You never really thought about it that way before - this might explain why he’s still here despite always hating the small village he was born and grew up in, it was probably hard for him to leave his family behind after losing his father. While carrying a box full of blueberries you ate a handful, not able to hold back. The Park’s blueberries have always been your favorites, none of the ones back at home could compare to the juicy fruits you'd get here.

“You still love blueberries, I see,” She hummed joyfully as she was carrying the last box to the car.

“I am obsessed with them,” you answered, “Oh- I still wanted to thank you for the little basket full of fruits you send to me. I was in heaven, your peaches were even better than I remembered.”

Mrs. Park looked at you in confusion for a second before getting a grip of the situation, the confusion vanished while a different kind of expression came to her face, unable for you to read at first.

“So he can actually be charming,“ she mumbled to herself with an almost mischievous smirk and within seconds you knew exactly what she was talking about.

Scoffing, you wondered why Jinyoung wouldn't just admit that the little basket was a present from him, not from his mother – who would do something so sweet without wanting to let the other person know? But then, on the other hand, you knew it wasn't like Jinyoung to play the nice guy.

“Mum,” you heard his voice while he walking out of the door to their house.

When he saw you he froze for a second, “Oh, hey, (y/n),“ he said with a slight and not really convincing smile, it almost seemed forced.

You nodded towards him, ready to go back to work and leave them alone, as his little brother came running outside, chasing after Jinyoung.

“Jinyoung,” he let out a scream as he tried to jump on his back. He was surprisingly tall for an eight-year-old, almost managing to get to Jinyoung’s shoulders if he jumped high enough, “Can I come with you? Please?”

Before Jinyoung could answer, Olli’s attention was shifted somewhere else. Or better said, on someone else. To be precise, you caught his attention, the girl standing in front of his mother and brother, a stranger he’s never seen before.

“Who are you?” he asked curiously, studying you exactly, “Are you the niece of Minwoo?”

You kneeled down to be at an eye to eye level with him, shaking his hand, “Yes, that’s me. I’m (y/n). It's nice to meet you.”

He had a big grin on his face, “Hi, I’m Olli,“ after introducing himself to you he turned around to his big brother, “Did you make the basket for her?”

Jinyoung shushed him within a second, giving him a warning glance before trying to cover up his story, “Yes, I did it because mum asked me to.”

She let out a sarcastic laugh, making fun of her son, “Sure, Jinyoung. It was totally me asking you to do that.”

A heavy sigh fell from Jinyoung’s mouth before shaking his head in disbelief, “Where is your cousin? He promised he’d help me picking up our new couch.”

“Oh, I am afraid he forgot. He’s on a date right now,“, you informed him.

Jinyoung let out a heavy sigh, rubbing his temple, not believing that Bambam completely forgot about him. Now even more frustrated, he started mumbling, “It’s always the same with this kid.”

“I’ll help you,“ you volunteered determined, not even bothering to ask him first, knowing he’d say no anyway, “I’m done with work for today and I don’t mind coming along.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll go alone,“ he insisted, clearly mad at Bambam, before walking over to his car. Not caring you decided to follow him, hoping that he’d be nice to Bambam if you helped him instead, even though you had little hope, considering the fact you were talking about Park Jinyoung but it was worth a try.

“Stop being so stubborn,“ you said to him as you opened the door and sat down inside the car, “Just accept my help.”

And much to your surprise, he did accept it, not bothering to start another discussion with you. Maybe he was just too tired of the constant bickering going on between the two of you.

As the two of you drove out of town the sky looked like it was painted in golden colors, the sun slowly setting but the air was still warm, brushing the arm you held out of the open window.

“Where are we even going?” you asked the obviously bothered boy beside you.

“It’s not far away, the dude I’m buying the couch from lives like twenty minutes away,“ he answered, his eyes glued to the street, „You really didn’t have to come. I could’ve easily done it alone.”

Slowly but surely, you were starting to get mad at Jinyoung. You couldn’t tell why his constant attitude was getting to you but it did. Of course, he didn't have to like you and honestly, maybe you did go a bit too far with the teasing but after all, you were neighbors, co-workers and also shared the same group of friends. Being nice to each other was the least you could do.

„Dude, you’re the worst. Can you keep quiet for once and accept help? Stop being so rude all the time, being nice every now and then won’t hurt you, you know? You can take your bad mood out on Bambam later.”, you snapped at him, not even intended to sound so mean but it just happened.

He peaked at you, his eyes grew wide in shock at your rant. Even though your voice was still low he clearly heard the frustration in it, “What do you mean? I am being nice all the time. I told you that you shouldn’t wear your good clothes to work in. That was a piece of nice advice I gave you for example.”

You scoffed at him not knowing if he was being serious, “You also attacked me because you thought I was stealing chicken and made me churn butter.”

He chuckled amused as you brought the churning up, “I still can’t believe you did that.”

“My arms still hurt. You’re an asshole,“ you rolled your eyes, not in the mood to put up with Jinyoung being, well, himself, when you were just being nice, “If that is your interpretation of being nice I’m beyond sorry for your future girlfriend.”

“Hey, now you’re the one being mean,“ he said, acting offended and honestly, a bit confused, not knowing why the two of you were fighting. You weren't even mad at him, you just felt fed up, craving at least peace between the two of you.

“Well, maybe you just need a taste of your own medicine,“ you shrugged, calming down a bit as the discussion started to become more playful than serious.

But before you or Jinyoung could fuel the fire and add anything into the it, you let out a small scream as he was turning right with full speed, making you feel like you were about to crash, holding onto the seatbelt for dear life.

“For fucks sake, where did you learn how to drive? Do you not know that you’re supposed to slow down before turning?” you asked him, gasping for air.

“If this is already scaring you, I’ll give you the nice advice to not drive with Jaebeom.”, he laughed out loud as he parked his car in front of a big house, “Ready to use the strength in your arms built up from churning butter?”

It took you about twenty minutes to carry all the parts of the couch from the third floor to the trailer on Jinyoung’s car. When you were done it was beginning to become dark outside and the weather was cooling down, making you shiver a bit. All done, you sat back inside Jinyoung’s car as he was securing the trailer so you could drive back home safely – or at least as safe as a ride with Jinyoung could be.

“If you’re cold there’s a blanket on the backseat, I'll get it for you,“ he screamed from outside before coming getting inside the car, a blanket in his hand, “See how nice I am? So caring, not wanting you to freeze to death.”

You shook your head amused, „What a gentleman you are.”

The drive home was more peaceful, no discussions this time. You looked outside, seeing a big and bright star in the sky, pointing to it excited.

“I can’t get over how beautiful the starry night sky is here. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it,“ you mumbled, almost sounding dreamy, eyes glued to the sky. It wasn’t even completely dark outside yet, but the first stars were already sparkling brightly.

“Isn’t it the same in your hometown?” Jinyoung asked a bit perplexed as he looked over to you, wondering how you could be so excited about some stars.

“Not at all. The big city lights drown them. You can barely see some, and if you can, they are not as bright as here.”

“I suppose Ilmon isn’t all bad.”, he shrugged, his glance wavering to the sky every few seconds.

You hummed in agreement, “Except for this terrible guy living next to me I quite enjoy my time here.”

He chuckled, enjoying the little game you two were playing, „Must be really hard to live right next to such an attractive young man. I bet you have a hard time.”

Laughing, you were impressed at his wittiness, “Don’t think too highly of yourself.”

Before you could let him answer your favorite song suddenly started playing in the radio, making you turn up the volume instantly, “You need to shut up now. This is my all-time favorite song.”

But of course, Jinyoung didn't shut up. He did the opposite, trying to sing along as loud as he could just to ruin the song for you – and he had way too much fun doing it.

“I didn’t know you could sing,“ you said, giving him an approving look.

A smirk formed on Jinyoung's lips, “I'm a man full of surprises.”

The rest of the drive the two of you were singing along to the radio loudly, having genuine fun together for the first time since you arrived. It was nice to see him loosen up a bit, even though it was only a small step.

Driving up to the farm, you already saw Bambam sitting on the porch. He immediately stood up, walking over to the car, already apologizing without you really arriving yet, “I’m so so sorry mate. I completely forgot. I owe you a beer next time we go out.”

Jinyoung chuckled as he turned the engine off, “Doesn’t seem like his date had a happy ending, considering he’s home already.”

“Good for me,“ you shrugged, “I’m way too tired to carry the whole couch inside anyway.”

You were the first to get out of the car, making Bambam narrow his eyebrows in confusion.

“What are you doing in Jinyoung’s car?” he asked suspiciously.

“I’m doing your fucking job, Bam,“ you shot him a mean glance.

As you were walking towards your home you were stopped by Jinyoung holding your arm, making you turn around.

“Thank you, I suppose,“ he said, pressing his lips together, obviously feeling awkward, “Just trying to be nice.”

You gave him a genuine smile, “No problem. Sleep well.”

“You too, (y/n).

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Waking up a few days later you were almost shocked to see today’s weather. Yesterday the sun was still shining while today it was pouring like never before. The sky was dark and grey and your whole farm seemed quite sad, making you wish you could just stay in bed all day, just being lazy, reading, eating and maybe fantasizing about a certain someone.

Checking your phone you saw a text from Bambam: it’s going to storm today, you have to make sure all the animals are in the barn and safe, please. i’m getting food for tonight. see you later, favorite cousin.

You immediately threw on a thick cardigan and brushed your teeth, hurrying to get things done before the weather got even worse. Looking in the mirror you scoffed for a second at your sad reflection - your hair was in a very messy bun and your under-eye circles were almost black. But there was no time to pity yourself right now, you could do that after work.

After you fed and, of course, petted the chickens and made sure that all the windows were closed tightly you ran over to the barn where the cows and goats were in. Your clothes were completely drenched even though the way between the barns was very short, the heavy rain was so strong that there was no way you could’ve stayed dry.

Entering the barn your eyebrows narrowed as you saw that the light was on and the food for the cows was already laid out.

“Uncle Minwoo?”, you screamed loudly, the rain was so loud that otherwise, no one would hear you.

“Oh thank god, there you are,“ the owner of the voice was coming out of the little shed you kept your tools in, throwing one of the milking machines over to you. You barely had time to catch it because Jinyoung was throwing it without caring if you’d catch it or not.

“What are you doing here?” you asked him skeptically as you sat down to the cow next to the one he was currently milking.

He glanced at you with an annoyed expression on his face - but only until he saw how wet you were from the rain. Right then, he bursted out into laughter, “Why are you not wearing a raincoat for fucks sake?” he asked you, enjoying the sight in front of him a little too much.

“I don’t even own one,“ you admitted a bit hesitant while shrugging, knowing he’d make even more fun of you.

And of course, he did.

“How can you not own a raincoat? Seriously, (y/n), you’re something else. Who on earth doesn’t own a raincoat?” he shook his head in disbelief, still laughing.

You simply pressed your lips together, coming back to your actual question, “But why are you here? Certainly not because you wanted to help me.”

“Hey, maybe I’m not as bad as you think and just wanted to be friendly for once?” he said, acting offended, “Since you’re always complaining.”

“Yeah, I doubt that,“ you answered.

Suddenly you heard a loud thunder outside, making you jump - you usually were not afraid of thunder but the sudden loud noise startled you for a second. What really scared you though was the reaction of two of your cows, immediately after they heard the thunder they let out the deepest and loudest sounds you’ve ever heard of them. They sounded terrified.

Jinyoung immediately jumped up from his stool and walked over to Bertha, the small brown cow, petting her face.

“Shhhh, it's okay,“ he tried calming her down before looking over to you, “I’m always here when it storms. Bertha and Marnie are deadly afraid of the thunder, so I accompany them. It calms them down.”

For a second you thought he was fooling you but before you could say something another loud thunder was heard followed by loud sounds of the cows once again. God, you weren't sure if you ever could get used to the sounds they made.

“Wait,“ you interrupted confused as you saw Jinyoung pet Bertha once again, giving her a small kiss on the side of her face, “You’re serious?”

He looked at you with a grin, “Of course I am. Go, pet Marnie a bit. She loves getting pets right under his chin, she’s such a lovely cow.”

You did as he said but not really trusting him yet.

“I didn’t know he had feelings, Marnie, did you know?” you asked the cow sarcastically.

Jinyoung chuckled, shaking his head, “I only have feelings Marnie and Bertha.”

Bertha was walking away from Jinyoung to the hay he just put down for them to lie down for a bit, something you barely ever saw them doing,

“When I first looked into Bertha’s big brown eyes I fell in love.”, he stated lovingly, petting some of the other cows while Bertha was still lying down, „Her eyes are just too pure.“

“That’s adorable.”, you had to admit, “Didn’t expect that from you.”

He scoffed at your remark, “Are you aware that just because I’m telling you you’re stupid because you don’t own a raincoat or work on a farm with a goddamn Gucci shirt doesn't mean I'm an asshole? That’s my way of helping.”, he said confidently, “You just seem to not know exactly what to do, so I’m trying to help.”

„You're still being mean while doing it,“ you insisted, not giving in.

“Whatever,“ he walked over to Bertha, who was resting on the ground, lying down next to her, “Just go inside and relax, I’ll take care of the cows.”

“No way,“ you sat down next to him, “I’ll not leave you alone with my cows. I don’t trust you.”

Of course, that was only an excuse to spend some time with the pretty boy from next door but he didn't need to know – his ego was big enough already. Both of you were now starting to relax slowly, leaning against Bertha, petting her every now and then.

“So, farmer girl, how do you like it here?” he asked you after a few seconds of silence, seeming to be actually interested in you for once.

“It’s nice,“ you shrugged as he was peaking over at you, “I like the fact that I finally am allowed to go into the pub the most.”

“I remember when we first were allowed to go in, it was like Harry Potter seeing Hogwarts for the first time,“ he remembered laughing, “and now we’re the ones that get drunk in there while the younger kids are jealous they can’t.”

“Some things never change, right?“ your eyes darted to Jinyoung, who had his eyes closed and seemed to be truly relaxed in your presence for the first time since you arrived. He was using his arm as a pillow, a smile on his lips - for once a genuine smile, not the usual teasing one he gave you. The rain was pouring so hard onto the roof of the barn it sounded like applause. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself, exhaling a breathy scoff through your nose, not believing that Jinyoung actually had a soft side.

“What's so funny?“ he asked curiously, still with closed eyes.

“I just love the sound of heavy rain.”, you said, also getting into a comfortable position and closing your eyes.

Jinyoung let out a hum, agreeing with you before yawning, “Me too. It’s cozy.”

Your eyelids started to feel heavy, you didn’t have much sleep last night and your body was shivering a bit because of your wet clothes. Jinyoung was snoring lightly beside you within a few minutes and before you knew it you were asleep too. You wouldn’t have expected the barn to be such a comfortable place to sleep in.

The sound of someone calling your name, you couldn't quite identify who it belonged to yet, woke you up. As you were slowly starting to realize where you were, you were just as perplexed as Jinyoung, who was still beside you, seeming to just have woken up too, according to his dreamy gaze.

“Did we fall asleep?” he asked you, yawning and stretching his arms from his body.

As you looked up, Bambam was standing in front of both of you, confusion was written all over his face, “What the hell are you two doing in here? How do I keep finding you two together?”

Jinyoung shrugged, sitting up as you were doing the same, “What does it look like? We obviously fell asleep.”

“Okay but why were you here together in the first place?” he asked, a smirk on his lips, “Did you make out in front of the cows? They are too young to be exposed to such wild and unholy behavior.”

Chuckling at his remark, you rubbed your eyes a bit, “Don't be noisy, please. I’m having a headache.”

“You two are just too cute,“ he teased a bit before telling you the reason he was looking for you in the first place, “Dinner’s ready. We’re having some meat with different salads and corn. Feel free to join us, Jinyoung, your mum and Olli are there too.”

“I don’t know,“ he replied, a little unsure, “I still wanted to meet with Jaebeom and Jackson later.”

Bambam narrowed his eyebrows, “Why didn’t you ask me to join, you jerk?”

Jinyoung laughed at Bambam, standing up, surprisingly offering you a hand to help you get up from the ground, “I’ll eat dinner with you and then you can come with me, alright?“ he proposed to Bambam.

Your cousin agreed happily and the three of you walked over to the big house Minwoo and Bambam lived in.

“Did you find her?” your uncle screamed from the kitchen as he heard the door open.

“Yes, I’m here,“ you shouted back as you took off your shoes.

Walking over to them, Mrs. Park was surprised to see her son, “Oh, Jinyoung. How lovely that you’re here,“ she smiled as cute as always, “Where have you been?”

Both, Jinyoung and you felt a bit awkward telling them where Bambam found them, not wanting anyone to get a wrong idea. But, of course, your annoying cousin was faster.

“They were sleeping in the barn together,“ he smirked as he told your family, enjoying every minute of it, “You two seem to get along better by now.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes, “We were literally just taking care of the cows.”

You nodded, “It’s not like we met to take a nap in the barn.”

Uncle Minwoo and Mrs. Park both giggled a bit at the bickering between their families,.“Stop teasing them. They are already flustered,“ she said lightheartedly.

Everyone sat down on the table as your uncle brought the food to the table. It smelled like you were sitting in a restaurant and you could feel your mouth watering as you saw the food.

“Thank you for letting us eat with you,“ Jinyoung politely said.

“Oh, Jinyoung!” Minwoo exclaimed joyfully, “You’re always welcome. We’re like family.”

He nodded thankful as all of you started eating. The food was truly delicious and the conversation was nice, all of you participating in it, talking about current events and life on the farm.

You weren't sure if it was because your families were there but Jinyoung was unusually nice to you, not even nagging you once. He passed you the salt when you asked him to and he even asked you about your job back at home.

It was a nice evening and you cherished it, knowing that it probably was a once in a lifetime experience to have a normal, peaceful conversation with Jinyoung in the same room as you.

About an hour later you started walking from the big house to the small hut and even if it only took a minute or two Jinyoung walked right beside you, not leaving your side. Maybe he truly wasn't as bad as you made him out to be – the two of you might have had some difficulties but thinking about it now he seemed to open up to you more and more. As the two of you stood in front of your door, you fiddled with your hands, not knowing how to react to being all alone with him.

“Don’t let Bambam drink too much tonight. I need him to be fit tomorrow. It’s my day off,“ you joked.

“I promise to stop him if he drinks too much,“ he smiled brightly, the wrinkles around his eyes showing slightly, “I’ll see you around?”

A scoff escaped your lips before you could hold it back, “Considering the fact that you can look inside my living room from your window I think so yes.”

And with that, he started walking towards his house but even after he was gone you still couldn't stop smiling.

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The few next weeks were pretty unspectacular, working on the farm was part of your everyday life by now and your work was a routine, knowing every small step of it. But still, today you woke up with a smile plastered on your face - it’s not like anyone besides Bambam and Minwoo, maybe Jaebeom, would know it’s your birthday today but you still loved your special day. It didn't matter that no one would know, you were quite happy that to everyone else this day would be just another day. You, on the other hand, had tons of self-care plans for tonight.

The first thing you did that morning was checking your phone, happy to see that your friends from home - or more like what used to be home to you - thought of you and send you very nice birthday greetings full of love, telling you that they missed you. In no time you got up and dressed to go over to the main house.

“So, what do you want to do today?” Bambam asked you as you had breakfast with him and your uncle. Despite you telling them that they shouldn't worry about you, they still made you some scrambled eggs and cut a lot of the vegetables from the Park’s farm, Bambam even managed to go to the heart of the city to buy some buns for all of you.

Stretching yourself, tiredness still washing over you, you thought about Bam’s question, “I actually don’t know, I thought I'd just do some sheet masks later and watch Netflix,” you said shrugging before eating a piece of cucumber, “Why? Any ideas?”

“Why don’t you invite your friends over, (y/n)?” your uncle suggested but you’d rather not. The problem with inviting people over is you can’t leave early since they are literally at your own place and you'd never kick them out, not wanting to be unfriendly.

“No way, I don’t even think most people know about my birthday. I’ll stay lowkey about it,“  you denied your uncle's request, just wanting to have a nice night on the couch after you took a long bath - an ideal night for you, “Why don't we have a movie night?”, you suggested to your two family members but they didn’t seem to show much support to your idea.

Uncle Minwoo immediately stopped you, “I’m not letting you stay at home with your old uncle and cousin on your birthday.”

“I’d love that though. We hadn’t had a movie night in a long time,“ you pouted, hoping to convince your uncle despite knowing you had no chance against him.

“Bambam, take her to the pub, alright?” he instructed his son who was currently not listening to the conversation and instead was texting someone.

“Sure,“ he agreed with his father before looking up from his phone, “I’ll take you to the pub later, (y/n). No discussion.”

So a few hours later you found yourself in your small bathroom, putting on a real full face make-up for the first time ever since you moved here, you almost forgot how pretty you could be.

Bam said to make sure that you looked your best since a lot of other people would be there, including the girl he ‘sometimes takes out’, as he liked to call it.

Even though you were still not fully in the mood, you started to warm up to the idea of going out as you got ready. In the end, you knew it wouldn't hurt to doll yourself up and go out every now and then - and maybe, just maybe, Jinyoung would be there too.

Bambam picked you up from your place at around eight in the evening, the sky already pitch-black.

“Hey birthday kid,“ he said lovingly, “I didn't know you could look this lovely. I bet Jinyoung's eyes will fall out when he sees you.”

Throwing him a glare that was about to end his life you were ready to hit your cousin if he wouldn’t stop mentioning your attraction towards your neighbor. You prayed he didn’t tell Jinyoung about it, his ego was big enough and you didn’t know if you could survive if he’d become even cockier. Jinyoung knew how handsome he was and that he could probably get just any girl if he wanted already so you didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

“I’ll kill you if you don’t shut your mouth,“ you threatened him even though you knew that nothing could stop Bambam's teasing ever.

Arriving at the Pub, you couldn’t help but grin like an idiot - all of your friends were waiting inside, a whole booth decorated just for you. Jaebeom was the first to welcome you, hugging you tightly, “Happy Birthday, princess,“ he almost whispered into your ear before the other people were waiting for their turn to congratulate you.

Jackson and Mark were there, including Mark’s girlfriend, that you hadn’t met before. Yugyeom, of course, was there and even gifted you some sunflowers, “Those are my favorite!” you told him excited, to which he replied that he knew.

Bam introduced you to his almost-girlfriend and she seemed to be a nice girl, almost as tall as him, with cute glasses, short blue hair and a nose ring that she pulled off like no one else could, not even Jaebeom. Speaking of him, you noticed a girl sitting next to him and you made a mental note to ask him about her later on – you bet she was more than just a friend. And last but not least Park Jinyoung was standing in front of you, trying to look cold and unbothered like always, but his eyes were sparkling a bit, giving away that he wasn't as cool as he wanted to be.

“You’re here!” you gasped, genuinely excited to see him, “I feel honored.”

He shook his head joyful, “Don’t let it get to your head. Happy birthday, farmer girl,“ for the first time ever Jinyoung hugged you, and you hated to admit that it felt quite comforting - the hug didn’t feel awkward or forced at all, he even had his hand on your head, right in your hair.

Jaebeom and Bambam, who were standing behind Jinyoung, were inspecting the hug you shared, drawing hearts with their fingers in the air for only you to see as you turned almost as red as the Park’s tomatoes.

“(Y/n), we got a present for you! Come on, sit down,” Jackson happily ordered from the table and Jinyoung let you go, way too early for your liking, but you weren’t complaining – you appreciated what you got this far. As you sat down beside Jaebeom, Jinyoung sat right next to you, pretty close since you were sitting on a small bank with five people.

The booth was decorated with a paper chain that spelled “Happy Birthday”, a few presents were waiting for you on the table, right next to many glasses and several bottles of alcohol.

“This one is from me, Jackson and Youngjae,“ Mark said excited, handing you a present. Opening it you couldn’t help but pout at their heartwarming idea: They gifted you a framed picture the four of you when you were little, you were maybe around three to four years old.

„God, we were so small,“ you chuckled, studying the picture.

Jackson smiled wholeheartedly, “There’s a little wheel on the side that you have to move,“ he explained and so you did - as you turned the little wheel more pictures of your friends and you appeared, all of them from different years.

“I love it,“ you smiled at them, “I'll find a special place to display it, I promise.”

“Open our’s next,“ Jaebeom said, an untrustworthy smirk on his face. “It’s from me and Bam.”

Just because you knew the two of you too well, you didn’t trust them at all.

“I bet it’ll get also a very, very special place at your home,“ Bam assured you and you just knew at that point they probably got you something very stupid.

And they did - you let out a deep breath, shaking your head in disbelief.

“Thanks, I really needed that,“ you said sarcastically as you hold the box of the vibrator they gifted you in your hand.

Both of the boys bursted out into laughter, making you sigh, „You think you're so funny, don't you? How old are you? Fourteen?“, you snipped both of their foreheads but still, a chuckle managed to slip out. Not really because you thought the present was funny but more because the boys were so amused by their own idea.

“We know the nights get lonely here,“ Jaebeom said, still laughing like a teenager, “Much fun with it. Just call Jinyoung if you need any help with it.”

“Yeah, no, thanks, I think I can handle that on my own,“ you quickly responded before anyone else could join their nagging, “I really need a shot now. Otherwise, I won't be able to deal with you.”

Jaebeom immediately poured a round of shots for everyone, “To our little (y/n).”

All of your friends clinked glasses and downed the shot. Within a few hours, one shot became quite a few, too many to count them. Bambam and his girl were making out heavily in the corner of the pub – much to your disgust. While you were happy for your cousin you still could imagine better things than seeing your family member's tongue in someone's mouth.

Jaebeom, you, Youngjae, Mark and Jinyoung were currently playing a card drinking game that you not only never heard of before but was also killing you at a fast pace.

“(Y/n), your turn,“ Jinyoung glanced at you, raising his eyebrow – his cheeks were red and the sloppy smile on his face gave away that he also was at least a bit intoxicated by now, “Red or black?”

That was the whole point of the game, basically the only rule. You had to say a color and if the card didn’t have the color you had to take a shot. Youngjae said it was the best game to get really drunk really fast, and boy, he was right.

“Red”, you answered or to be exact, mumbled since you had a hard time pronouncing your words clearly by now.

And, of course, luck wasn’t on your side - as Jinyoung turned around the card it showed black. “Jinyoung,“ you let out a whine as he laughed, “I literally cannot drink this shot or else I’ll throw up.”

Your head was turning and your stomach felt warm and tingly, a part of you suddenly felt playful and giggly, which was pretty unusual for you. Looking at Jinyoung you felt something deep down in your stomach – the way his rather long hair fell into his face and his tanned skin was glowing was a beautiful sight. God, you really wanted to blame it on the booze but deep down you were aware that you were just fooling yourself.

“You’re no fun,“ he almost whined before taking the shot, “I’ll take it for you since it’s your birthday.”

“Oh, what a gentleman you are,“ you nudged him.

“Just trying to get drunk,“ he shrugged laughing before downing the shot as if it was nothing.

Your glance waved over to Yugyeom, who was maybe the drunkest, his eyes slowly closing. “Yugyeom!” you poked his upper arm, not sure if you should laugh or be concerned, “Are you passing out?”

“Hmm?” he responded, trying to open his eyes but failing, “Oh no. I’m just taking a nap.”

You peeked to Jinyoung beside you, questioning him what to do, “Are you going to babysit him?”

He scoffed, “That isn’t my problem to deal with.”

About two hours later you decided that it was time to go home, having to admit that you did have fun despite wanting to stay home at first. You thanked everyone and grabbed your bag.

“What about you?” you asked Jinyoung who was sitting on his phone, texting someone with his eyebrows furrowed, “You’re staying?”

His eyes met yours as he looked up from his phone, “No, I’m walking you home. Give me a second.”

You decided to wait outside, in need of some fresh air to sober you up.

Slowly, you started to walk towards your home, knowing Jinyoung would be able to catch up in no time. And he did, of course.

“Oh!” Jinyoung looked at you with wide eyes as he arrived by your side, before opening his bag, looking for something, “It’s your birthday!”

“No shit, Sherlock,“ you responded unimpressed at his sudden realization, walking through the little city at night, still not used to how beautiful the stars were here, „You just got that now?“

“No, wait. I actually got you something,“ the boy mumbled and you thought you heard wrong for a second. At least until Jinyoung handed you a box, a rather big one.

“Are you serious?” you asked surprised, suddenly feeling shy. This morning you were convinced he didn’t even know it was your birthday but now he was standing in front of you, with a present that was neatly wrapped in yellow wrapping paper.

“Don’t make a big deal out of it, please,“ he rolled his eyes as you two walked through the dark night, only a few lanterns on your way home, “Just open it. It felt wrong not to get you anything. I mean, we’re neighbors now, and also co-workers.”

Your arm nudged him, playfully asking, “Maybe even friends?”

His laugh seemed to be even louder and happier when he’s drunk, “Says who? You wish!” before immediately adding, ���I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Maybe even that. Now open it. Let’s sit down.“

Your neighbor gestured at the bank on the side of the way, a few steps away.

He took out his phone to turn on the flashlight so you could see, sitting dangerously close to you. “Why didn’t you give it to me earlier?” you asked him curiously.

“You know, I gotta keep my cool reputation in front of them,“ he joked.

“Ah, can’t let them know that you have a crush on me?”, you blurted out, trying to flirt, knowing you would never say those things if it wasn’t for all the shots you drank earlier.

“You’re a pain in the ass,“ he mocked you a bit, “Will you please just open it now? There are a few smaller things.”

As you ripped open the wrapping paper you let out a laugh, impressed by his first present, “A raincoat? I could’ve seen that one coming.”

“I still can’t believe you don’t own one. Look underneath, there’s also a shirt you can use for work so you won’t ruin your good clothes,“ he said, almost proud of his idea and it was adorable.

The shirt was grey and oversized - and also, there was a picture printed onto it. Jinyoung let out another laugh, covering his mouth with his hand to stop him from laughing harder, before you could see what was on it.

As he shined his flashlight on the picture you were not only extremely amused but also very amazed that he did that for you, even though he obviously was trying to be funny, you genuinely liked it - the picture was a selfie of Jinyoung, giving a thumbs up, right next to his favorite being on this earth, Bertha. Underneath the picture the sentence ‘(Y/n), you can do it. I hope.’ was written in big letters.

“You’re seriously the worst,“ you joined his laughter, wondering how in the hell he got this idea. The atmosphere was almost friendly – a new step for the two of you. Not that you didn’t like him before, you just thought that he didn’t like you back.

“I think you’ll look quite good in it, (y/n),“ he smiled proudly, definitely satisfied with himself.

“You’re such a flirt,“ you said sarcastically.

The last gift in the box really got to you though - it immediately brought back a lot of memories, cherished ones, of your childhood. An overwhelming rush of sentiment came over you as you couldn't believe your eyes.

“Jinyoung, I,”, you were looking for the right words to say but none came to your head, “is it what I think it is?”

“If you think it’s your old music box that played Somewhere Over The Rainbow over and over again, then it is, yes,“ he replied, playing it cool as if it wasn't a big thing.

You totally forgot about it until now, back in the day you always used to play it before going to bed, falling asleep immediately to the soothing sound of it – back then it didn't matter where you were: you wouldn't fall asleep without the petite woodbox playing your favorite song.

“Where did you even get this?“ you asked him, gulping.

“Oh, Minwoo gave it to me to calm the cows on thunder days,“ he said amused.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,“ you chuckled, still inspecting the music box. It seemed to be even prettier than you remembered it.

“Do you like it?” he asked, turning towards you, “I know how obsessed you were with it as a child so I thought you’d like to have it back. The cows didn’t like it anyway.”

Your eyes met his, not knowing what to say. He was so cool about it when to you, this might be one of the most meaningful presents you've gotten in a long time. The fact that he even remembered how in love you were with this music box and how thoughtful of him it was to give it back to you. Slowly you put the box down, still feeling a bit overwhelmed. It was probably stupid, for him it was just a simple present and you were overreacting, right? But still, it was so much more than you would’ve expected. Especially from him

“I love it, Jinyoung,“ you assured him, the wrinkles around his eyes deeper than you’ve ever seen them before. “Thank you so much.”

Before he could say something to ruin the moment you wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your face in his collar. It took him a few moments to realize what was happening, a hug was something he didn’t expect at all, but it did feel nice. His arms carefully found your waist and hugged you back.

You could see how red his cheeks were as your hug ended but for once you decided to not tease him, not wanting to ruin a genuinely nice moment. The two of you didn’t have those very often.

“Shall we go home?” Jinyoung asked softly as he stood up, waiting for you to join him.

The two of you were walking for a while, way slower than usual. It might be the alcohol in your veins or simply the secret desire to spend some more time together, alone and outside of the farm.

“Be honest,“ you started carelessly, it almost sounded like you were singing it, “You do think I’m cute.”. Looking up to Jinyoung you saw that he was smiling and didn’t seem to care about your teasing anymore.

“I do think you’re cute. That doesn’t make you less any annoying though,“ he replied, his tone almost playful. As you were walking your shoulders were lightly brushing every now and then, a rush of excitement going through your body every single time.

“Now you be honest. You were totally checking me out when you saw me on the day you moved here,“ he countered, the conversation light.

You let out a small scoff, “I maybe would have if I hadn’t been to busy trying to free myself from your grip since you thought I was stealing your chicken,“ you snapped at him and Jinyoung let out a laugh at that memory. Even though it wasn’t long ago it felt like years, considering how much your relationship developed since then.

“Your turn. You would’ve gone home sooner but you were waiting to walk me home,“ the vibe Jinyoung gave you told you it was okay to dig a bit deeper.

“Now you’re just being overconfident, (y/n),“ he laughed and you thought about how his laugh is so different than his mum’s. His mother's laugh was light and charming while his laugh was deep and full of joy, almost bold and loud.

“If you say I’m wrong you’re lying,“ you insisted while looking up to the beautiful night sky, not letting loose. Even though you were a bit cold you didn’t really care, you could walk and talk for a few more hours without complaining.

“I never said you’re wrong,“ he answered quietly, now more soft and serious, “But don’t let it get to your head, I know my mum would kill me if she heard that you had to walk home alone.”

“You’re so in love with me dude, how gross,“ you joked, not able to stop your usual nagging. By now it seemed like that was Jinyoung’s and your’s thing somehow. It was an open secret that there was something between the two of you, whatever that was. Maybe, you and Jinyoung were still denying it but your friends weren't completely wrong when they talked about your relationship to each other.

“I really don’t know if I wanna shove you off this bridge or kiss your annoying ass,“ he stated shamelessly, trying to sound annoyed but his mood was just as good as yours and the cheeky flirting was something he missed over the last years. It’s been too long since he met someone he liked so much that he didn’t have to care about what he said. Spending time with you made him feel careless. The night air and the sky that was full of stars just loosened up the mood even more.

Even though your heart was beating faster at his comment you tried to remain cool – he said it so casually as if the topic of kissing you was something completely normal to him, making you realize that maybe Jinyoung and you were indeed becoming something more than friends, “Oh, can I pick?”, you grinned at him.

“No,“ he answered easily while pushing you towards the edge of the bridge you were currently walking on, making you gasp a bit, while trying to balance yourself so you wouldn’t fall over the low wooden railing.

What exactly was he doing? Just in the right moment, he held you, his arm around your waist, being a bit too close to you which was making your heart beat insanely fast. As you looked at him your eyes were opened wide, the shock written all over your face.

Jinyoung still was holding you close, giving you the brightest smile ever, his expression full of joy, “Did you really think that I’d let you fall?”

“Yes!“ you almost shouted out of shock, a hundred percent sure that he’d actually do something like that, “If anyone in this town would then it would be you.”

He acted a bit offended, as he pulled your body a bit closer to his again, your intestines feeling all over the place. Half of your body was still bent over the bridge as Jinyoung’s hold was the only support that stopped you from falling right into the water. His face came near yours and at this moment you wanted nothing more than to feel his lips on yours.

“Well, if you think that lowly of me,“ he started, before pausing his sentence, you could swear that you could feel his breath tingling on your lips and see his eyes wandering down to look at your them - but before anything else could happen you started losing balance as Jinyoung let go of your body, making you fall right into the lake behind you.

Of course, he’d do something like that. You should've guessed that.

As you came up again you were drenched. The water was at least still warm enough to not make you shiver while climbing up to the bridge again. Jinyoung was laughing wholeheartedly, his one hand once again covering his mouth, while holding his other hand out for you so he could help you. You immediately took his offer, taking a tight grip on his hand before getting your revenge – within seconds Jinyoung forcefully joined you in the water, his eyes popping out when you completely caught him off guard.

“I should’ve seen that coming,“ he admitted, now also completely wet but still amused, “I deserved that.”

The two of you were chuckling, no one of you seemed to want to get out of the water for now. “Remember the one time we were having a contest here about who can stay underwater the longest when we were children?” you asked him thinking back to older days, one of the few memories you had with him.

He nodded while walking towards you, leaning his back against the bridge. His body was close to yours, his face facing yours, “I remember you and Bambam being afraid because you thought I fainted because I let my body swim on the surface with my head under the water still.”

Hitting his chest, you squinted your eyes, “You were the worst, seriously! Why would you do this to me? I was so afraid.”

His arm found your hip, resting lazily on it - you wondered if he’d also do that if he was completely sober, “To make good memories.”

“Well, that’s also about our only memory because you always avoided me when we were younger,“ you stated, a bit salty.

His laughter sounded different this time, if you didn’t know better you’d almost say there was some kind of admiration in it. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,“ he apologized, putting his hands up in the air, still laughing before looking at you once again - it’s like you completely forgot about being in the water now in the middle of the night.

“Wanna know a secret?” he asked you, whispering as if you had to be careful to not get caught.

“Always,“ you answered eager as your eyes widened in excitement.

“I avoided you because I had the biggest crush on you and Jaebeom always said girls suck and if anyone of us ever kissed a girl they’d be kicked out of the gang,“ he admitted, smiling back at the memory.

“Okay, but Jaebeom was literally my first kiss,“ you confessed to him, “I think he knew exactly why he told you that.”

Now it was Jinyoung who was in shock, not you. “You’re kidding me,“ he sounded offended, “I can’t believe he’d play me like this because of some chick.”

“Hello? I’m right here,“ you growled, shaking your head amused.

“Oh, I bet you’d rather be where Jaebeom is, huh?” he stared you down for a second before breaking character and starting to laugh, “But seriously, he never even told me. He knew I’d fight him about it.”

“It must be hard to always be as dramatic as you are,“ you scoffed, as you got out of the water again, starting to shiver a bit, “Let’s go home, I’m cold.”

He got out of the water too and you tried hard not to stare at his chest that was completely showing through his white shirt.

“You should have put on a jacket,“ he shrugged, acting as if it's your fault that you were completely drenched and cold.

“You little shit,“ you countered as the two of you were walking towards your home, “I’m only cold because you pushed me into the lake.”

“I had fun tonight,“ you admitted to him as you were standing in front of your door once again, “You’re not awful.”

“Thank you?”, he laughed unsure before he continued, “You’re also not awful, (y/n).”

“I mean, you were not the nicest in the beginning, I thought you hated me. But now, I think you tolerate me,“ you said, a winning smile on your face.

“Believe it or not, I think you’re pretty cool,” he mirrored your smile, nodding.

“I’ll let my diary know about that,” you assured him.

He just stood there for a second, looking at you. Both of you didn’t want to part, enjoying time with each other but you didn’t want things to get awkward.

“I’m sorry I pushed you into the water,“ he mentioned, laughing while apologizing.

You rolled your eyes at his half-assed apology, “Yeah sure. You better make up for that.”

He nodded, “I will. Good night, (y/n),“ suddenly you felt him hugging you, not expecting it once again. Three hugs in one day were something you didn’t expect at all when you woke up this morning.

“Sleep well,“ you told him as you closed the door behind you, removing your make up, changing into comfortable clothes and letting yourself fall into your bed, falling asleep with a smile on your lips. You were definitely making progress.

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A few days after your birthday and the situation with Jinyoung it was about time to talk to someone about your confusing feelings. Jaebeom was the first person that came to your mind, definitely not wanting to talk to Bambam about it. As the two of you were sitting outside on your porch, drinking a beer and enjoying the sunset slowly going down, you decided to tell him about what happened after you and Jinyoung left on your birthday.

“He gifted you your old music box?” he asked confused, almost shocked, “That’s so much better than the vibrator we gifted you, dammit.”

You let out a laugh, “Anything is better than that.”

“Well, apparently you won’t be needing it any time soon if you and Jinyoung continue to fall in love at that pace,“ your best friend gave you a small wink.

“Jaebeom,“ you let out a pout, “I really don’t know what I should do. He was about to kiss me by the lake but instead, he let me fall into the water.”

He was trying his hardest to contain his laughter as you told the story but he couldn’t help it, “You really think he’s the one you want? I bet not even Yugyeom would behave that awkward.”

Chuckling, you shrugged, “I guess I just like a challenge.”

Jaebeom nodded, “He definitely is one. Bear with him, it’s been some time. His last girlfriend and him broke up quite some time ago.”

When Jaebeom mentioned the word gilfriend you felt curiosity awakening inside of you, “How was she?”

Taking a sip of his beer, he glanced at you, a bit pitiful, “Are you sure you wanna do this to yourself?”

“I’m just curious,“ you assured him, „No hard feelings.“

Before Jaebeom could start telling you about her you were disturbed by your cousin, who just finished his work, a beer in his hand as he sat down on the free chair on your table, „What are you talking about?”

“My hopeless crush,“ you said, laughing.

“What else,“ he shrugged, unimpressed, “You could still date Yugyeom, you know.”

You shook your head before turning back to Jaebeom, “So, tell me about her, I can’t imagine him with a girl at all.”

“Are we talking about Elly?” Bambam asked confused, trying to catch up with your conversation.

“Yes.”, Jaebeom said, trying to start once again before getting interrupted by Bambam, also once again. “She wasn’t shit, (y/n). Don’t worry about her. I never liked her. They weren’t even really a couple.”

Jaebeom rolled his eyes, “She wasn’t all bad, Bam. She was actually quite nice at the beginning. She’s from the town next to ours, the granddaughter of the owner of the library - we were friends with her back then when she still visited every weekend. I guess she was into Jinyoung from the first second and he was, well, frustrated. So they became friends with benefits. Nothing too serious at first.”

“(Y/n), I really don’t get why you’d wanna know. You’ll just hurt yourself,“ your cousin seemed to worry, clearly disagreeing with your curiosity.

“They broke up so I won’t be hurt, I just can’t imagine him in a relationship at all. I need some information for research,“ you argued.

“He was a good boyfriend, I guess,“ Bambam thought about it, taking a big gulp of his beer, “Like he visited her often and made sure to bring her to every event or birthday. But one of them would always start a fight and it got so annoying over time. Every time he brought her I was afraid to say anything to him because if I only said one wrong word she’d start to discuss with him.”

Jaebeom now interrupted him, “Well, it wasn’t only her who started fights, to be fair. Jinyoung often enough started one too, whenever he was in a bad mood he’d always find a reason to fight.”

A scoff came out of your mouth, “I already thought he’d be one to pick fights, to be honest.”

“Speaking of the devil,“ Jaebeom nodded towards the house of the Park’s and as you turned around you saw Jinyoung jogging over to you. He seemed to be in a good mood, a smile on his lips, something rather unusual.

“Why are you having a nice evening and no one cared to call me?” he asked as he arrived in front of you, holding up a big plate with many different pieces of cakes on it, “I brought cake.”

Bambam immediately took the plate and set it down in front of him as Jinyoung sat down on the free seat on the bench beside you.

“We were just talking shit about you,“ Bambam started, getting up to get some forks from inside.

“Why? What did I do?” he asked, already sounding offended, ready to defend himself without knowing what even seemed to be the problem.

“I just told them about how you let me fall into the lake,“ you huffed, salty, not letting it go easily.

“Why would you do that?” he asked in a whiny tone, “Aren’t they teasing us enough already?”

“I don’t care about that. I still can’t believe you’ve done that. I could’ve caught a cold.”

He now crossed his arms in front of his chest, “You didn’t though, right? I brought you cake as an apology, just to find you hanging out with our friends, without me?”

Jaebeom let out a laugh at your constant bickering, “Young love must be so nice.”

“Be quiet,“ you gave Jaebeom a warning glance before you turned back to the real enemy here, “You think cake can just fix the trust I lost in you?”

He let out a laugh, “You’re being overdramatic.”

Actually, you couldn’t care less that he let you fall into the lake. It was just fun to pick fights with him, “You’re being an asshole.”

He scoffed before continuing your discussion in a mocking voice, “Wanted me to kiss you so bad that you can’t get over the fact that I didn’t?”

You let out a small gasp, not expecting his comeback. Jaebeom and Bambam were both trying no to laugh watching the two of you fight.

“If you think that, you’re truly delusional,“ you stated, even though everyone here knew he was right, “The only reason I didn’t kill you right then was because I was so relieved you didn’t kiss me.”

He snorted, not ready to give up yet, “Sure, just keep on telling it to yourself until you start to believe it.”

And this is how you spent the rest of the evening. Three of your closest friends, cake, one or two or maybe even more beers, a beautiful pink sunset and most important - in the place you loved to call your home.

｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+

“(Y/n), give me a hand, please,“ your neighbor screamed from the other side of the farm, struggling to put up the pavilion that was supposed to cover the tables from the weather. It was a warm autumn day but you knew that it could basically start to pour any second. Quickly you jogged over to Jinyoung, leaving Bambam alone with the other preparations for the big harvest festival that was held once a year on the farm. It was a tradition you used to love as a child and you were more than happy to participate again this year.

As you walked over you couldn’t help but notice how mesmerizing he looked once again. There was sweat dripping down his face while he gave you a light and exhausted chuckle, holding up one side of the pavilion with his rather strong arms. The white shirt and grey sweatpants he was wearing might as well be the death of you. Oh god, you definitely hated being attracted to him. 

“What’s up, Park?” you asked, desperately trying to sound as unbothered as possible.

He, on the other hand, continued to smile, shaking his head, “Can you please hold up the other side over there?” he asked, pointing to it, “I’ll do the rest.”

You went over and held up the other side, having to stand on your tiptoes. “Are you excited for tonight?” you asked him, desperate to make conversation with him. Even though by now Jinyoung was being very nice to you, at least as nice as Jinyoung could be, you were still always trying to make him like you. Even though Bambam and Jaebeom assured you he likes you quite a lot by now you still wanted him to admit to it. His attention was your favorite thing at the moment.

He shrugged while concentrating on a screw he was currently trying to get in, “Not really. It’s not gonna be different than any other year.”

“I’m here now so it is gonna be different than before,” you said, making him look up from his work for a second, his eyes finding yours.

“So, you’re going to make the harvest festival interesting again?” you saw the smirk on his face before continuing, “Don’t get up my hopes.”

“Share a bottle of liquor with me and I bet we’ll have a lot of fun,” you stated boldly, immediately embarrassed at your way too obvious flirting. At this point, you were sure that Jinyoung was very aware of your obvious crush on him - he was many things. Rude, annoying, sometimes even a bit mean but delusional wasn’t one of them.

“Are you flirting with me, (y/n) (y/l/n)?” he asked almost a bit teasingly.

“I am,” you said, trying to sound confident but you were pretty sure your now deep red cheeks were giving you away.

He seemed to be amused and he shook his head in what seemed to be joy. 

“Not bad,” was all he said, shrugging before his full attention was back on building the pavilion. 

You looked around the big farm as Jinyoung was working. It looked beautiful, there were a lot of tables with benches, all of them had some flowers and candles on top of them, you could only imagine how cute it would look as soon as the sky was dark and all the candles were lit. Bambam was currently preparing some baskets filled with eggs, milk, some wool, all different kinds of fruits and vegetables and even some feathers you picked up from the pond where the ducks stayed as a lucky charm - your uncle and Jinyoung’s mother would sell them later on, the people always loved those little baskets. Jinyoung’s mother was inside, preparing food for the night. She was overdoing herself, cooking four different kinds of soups, baking too many loaves of bread for the visitors to eat, she even has been baking all kind of cakes since yesterday night. 

“Your mum is an angel,” you mumbled more to yourself than to him but Jinyoung still heard you, laughing a bit.

“She just really loves the harvest festival. But yes, I agree, she really is,” he answered without looking at you, “There’s gonna be plenty of leftovers tomorrow, I’ll bring you some if you want.”

You nodded even though he didn’t see, “I’d love that.”

“Hey, (y/n)!” Gus, the owner of the restaurant, came up to you. He drove up here in his truck, the whole back of it filled with different meals that he contributed for tonight, “Where should I put the fish and meat?”

Jinyoung told you that you could leave and help Gus for now so you showed him where the food was being served. There was a long in the middle of the farm, where Gus’ and Mrs. Parks’ food was going to be sold later on. It was opposite to the little dancefloor your uncle built earlier, he even got a pretty good sound system for the night. You already anticipated seeing all of the older people dance later, it was always very cute to you. All the tables to sit on were placed in between the dancefloor and the food. 

As you were helping Gus’ to carry the food you saw Jaebeom and his parents coming up to you. It was a funny sight, seeing how much taller Jaebeom was than both of his parents.

“Hey cutie,” your best friend greeted you as he put down the three beer crates he was casually caring like they didn’t weigh anything, “How are things going?”

“I’m really excited for tonight,” you cheered with a wide smile on your lips, “My last harvest festival was years ago, I still had to go to bed at eight o’clock at that time.”

He let out a laugh, “Oh, that’s when the fun is just starting.”

You only managed to finish all the work an hour before the first people came to the festival. Within no time the whole farm was filled with people as the sun was slowly going down.

You didn’t expect so many people to actually show up. Not only the whole village was attending tonight’s fest but a lot of them also brought their family from out of town, a lot of faces you’ve never seen before. It luckily didn’t rain yet and you were hoping it would stay that way for the rest of the night. The sky was dark now and all the candles were lit, making the atmosphere cozy. People were eating, drinking and enjoying themselves, some even danced to the 80′s music that was playing already. You were sitting on the side of a table, just looking around and appreciating everything as a few of your friends came up to you.

“Don’t you wanna eat something?” Yugyeom asked you, nodding towards the table with the food, “We were just about to grab something, join us.”

“Let’s also grab a drink or two,” your cousin, who clearly already had more than just ‘a drink or two’, his bright pink cheeks exposing him, shouted as he came up behind Yugyeom, Jaebeom and Jaebeom’s girlfriend.

Your mouth watered as you saw, and especially smelled, the food that was offered. Now you were very thankful that you didn’t have the time to eat all day. All the food looked amazing and you didn’t even know where to start. Jackson and Mark both went for the meat but you wanted to start with something more light for now, looking at all the soups Mrs. Park made.

“Try mum’s Italian wedding soup, it’s the best,” you flinched lightly as Jinyoung suddenly came up behind you out of nowhere, his arm casually resting on your shoulder. 

You tried to play it cool in front of your friends but inside you were all tense, just because of Jinyoung being so close to you. “I’ll have that then,” you agreed, telling his mother who was handing out food tonight. Both you and Jinyoung offered her to help out earlier but she insisted that you should just enjoy the evening.

“Of course, darling,” she poured some of the soup into a big cup, giving you and her son a wide smile, “You two look just adorable together.”

You felt yourself blushing but you were pretty sure that no one would notice in the dark. 

“Right? We’ve been telling them the whole time,” Jackson joined, excitement in his eyes, agreeing with his friends’ mother. You heard a deep, frustrated groan from Jinyoung.

“Guys,” he squinted his eyes at both of them with a warning glance but he still was resting his arm on you, not even thinking about removing it, “Can you mind your own business? Just for once?”

Jaebeom chuckled at the two of you, knowing exactly that you were trying your hardest to keep your cool, “You know they won’t leave you alone until something happens.”

He was right. But you weren’t sure if and when things would happen. And what those things even would be. When it came to Jinyoung you felt more clueless than ever before. Not even your math class in senior year seemed that confusing.

“Yeah, because no one in this town knows how to respect the boundaries of other people,” Jinyoung bitterly said through gritted teeth, slightly annoyed but everyone just let out a laugh, not taking him seriously, thinking it’s funny that he gets so worked up over some simple teasing.

“I’m sorry (y/n),” Mrs. Park turned towards you, apologizing, but you could still see a little amused smile on her lips, “I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I don’t mind at all,” you assured her, “Don’t apologize.”

“I’ll go and get us something to drink,” Jaebeom offered after he got some food, his lips already pressed against his girlfriend’s neck again before turning to you, “Save us a seat.”

You waited for the rest to get something to eat and wondered what was suddenly going on with Jinyoung, he wasn’t leaving your side at all which was pretty unusual for him. Last week he was still too afraid to give you a birthday present in front of the boys and now he was suddenly even touching you in front of everyone?

“I’m sorry,” he whispered for only you to hear as all of you were looking for a table to sit on. On the way, he let go of you but still was walking right next to you. Not that you minded, you enjoyed the sudden attention he was giving you, you just had to get used to it. 

“What for?” you asked him, shrugging lightly, “I don’t care if the guys tease us. They think we’re into each other, they won’t stop anyway.”

“Well, they aren’t so dumb after all, huh?” he still whispered to you, chuckling a bit as he turned around to the others, pointing to a free table, “Let’s sit down over there.”

This little shit was flirting with you. 

The soup was amazing. The alcohol was pouring. The atmosphere was loud and filled with banter and laughter. Jaebeom and his girl were making out in front of everyone in no time, literally being all over each other. Jackson, Yugyeom and Bambam were screaming along to ‘Come on Eileen’ playing in the background, doing those stupid fortnite dances to the old music, constantly motivating each other to do stupid moves and having the time of their lives. Mark was talking to his girlfriend, the majority of your friends still had no idea that they were actually dating and you wondered how they managed to keep it a secret in such a small town like this. You were just laughing, enjoying everyone’s presence - an evening like this was exactly what you needed, full of friends and possibilities to make amazing memories. 

Looking back at the fact that in the beginning, you were so afraid to start a new life here was ridiculous by now - this was your home, you were doing the thing you love with people you wouldn’t trade for anything. Not in a hundred years would you have thought that you’d find your happiness in this small town.

You carefully dared to look over to Jinyoung, hoping he wouldn’t catch you staring - you felt tingly, it might be the wine or the butterflies in your stomach but you felt so much comfort and happiness that you wanted to explode. The way he was laughing was making you go insane - you got lost in the wrinkles around his eyes and his side profile that seemed to be the most perfect thing you’ve ever seen. It was so nice and rare to see him letting go, being completely relaxed and warm. The longer you looked at him the more you craved something deep down in your stomach.

It felt like you were in a movie, the world around you blurred and slowing down while all you could concentrate on was the guy next to you - the guy, that used to be so cold to you and opened up step by step, going from thinking you were stealing chickens to flirting with you in front of everyone. You secretly hoped that the two of you were figuring out the future of your relationship sooner than later, slowly growing impatient. It was obvious to anyone who’d spent only five minutes around you: There was an undeniable tension, a chemistry that both of you felt.

Still staring at him while everyone was laughing and talking he stole a glance from you, seeing that your attention was already completely on him. His features softened as soon as his eyes met yours and the big laughter on his face turned into a small but impactful smile - immediately you felt a rush of confidence running through your veins, your heart beating faster. You hated how you were literally melting for him but you knew exactly that you couldn’t fight it so you might as well let him in.

His eyes were still locked with yours, no one daring to break eye contact. You wondered how this moment could feel so intimate when there were literally 200 people gathered around you - it felt like you were all alone, everyone else was busy cracking jokes while the two of you were busy falling in love. Or at least that was what it felt like. 

He gave you a small nod before sitting a bit closer to you, your thighs now touching. “Stop flirting with me. I might just break my cool character and blush,” he joked, making you chuckle before the two of you brought your attention back to your friends who were currently cheering for Bambam and Yugyeom, both trying to down their beer faster than the other one. You shook your head, letting out a laugh at them being messy. Jinyoung’s hand sneakily rested on your lower back and you hoped it would stay there for a while.

Bambam finished first and laughed at Yugyeom, who was still drinking, “Oh, I can’t believe you thought you could win against me. I’m the king when it comes to drinking,” he bragged.

Jaebeom, who was for once breaking free from his girlfriend, shook his head at Bambam, “You’re overconfident. Jinyoung, finish him.”

Jinyoung let out a groan, “Don’t make me do this.”

“Let’s go Jinyoungie, I bet I can beat you easily,” Bambam challenged him, knowing exactly how to provoke his friend.

“Dude, don’t do this to yourself, you’ll lose,” Jackson yelled, “No one can beat Jinyoung, you should know that.”

“I trained. And Jinyoung didn’t show off his skills in a long time, I think you’re underestimating me,” he insisted, opening another bottle of beer and putting it down in front of Jinyoung.

“Bambam, take it easy. It’s your fourth beer in what? Twenty minutes?” you interrupted, “I don’t wanna clean up all alone tomorrow because you are dying.”

“It’s harvest festival (y/n),” he whined while opening another bottle of wine for you, pouring something into your glass, “You gotta start learning how we do it here.”

Jinyoung shook his head, letting out another deep sigh, “You have no chance against me,” he held up his beer and waited for Bambam to do the same.

Bambam had a satisfied smile on his lips, ready to give it his all, “I’m going to fight for your title.”

Jinyoung let out a laugh, “That’s cute. Much luck trying.”

All of you were counting down from three and the guys started chugging down the beer like it was a life or death situation. It was stupid and childish but all of you were enjoying it, rooting for Jinyoung. If all of your friends could agree on one thing then it would be that Bambam needs to be taken down back to earth every now and then.

You looked at him, your mouth slightly open. One thing you definitely didn’t know about Jinyoung was how fast he could drink. He always seemed like the most reasonable and mature guy so you were kind of taken by surprise to see how he downed the bottle in the matter of a few seconds.

“Ha!” he let out, laughing as he put his bottle down, “You’re a fool, dude.”

Bambam let out a laugh, shrugging, “Never thought I had a chance, just wanted you to drink a bit. Who’s the fool now?”

“I didn’t know you could drink like that,” you turned to Jinyoung.

“This guy used to get so wasted every weekend, he just acts all pure in front of you,” Mark exposed his friend laughing.

You raised your eyebrow at Jinyoung, “Oh, let’s see who can handle more then, shall we?”

Jinyoung’s eyes widened surprised, not expecting you to challenge him when it comes to drinking, “You might regret that.”

“I don’t mind regretting a thing or two,” you poured the two of you some shots.

“That’s the spirit,” Bambam cheered, opening another bottle of beer.

Jinyoung and you were clinking glasses, “To Bertha!” he mentioned his favorite before both of you downed the shots, making a grimace as the bitter liquor went down your throat.

“That shit tastes horrible,” you stated, making him laugh.

“No one said getting drunk is easy,” he countered before immediately pouring you another shot, “But you wanted this. We can stop if you can’t take it, you know.”

“Definitely not,” you scoffed raising your eyebrow at him and holding up the shot glass, “It’s going to be a long, long night.”

“Oh, don’t promise what you can’t keep,” he flirted amused, laughing at you before getting ready to down the next shot, “To you and me.”

Nodding, you gave him a smile, “Whatever that might mean.”

You didn’t know what was faster: The time flying by or your alcohol level rising. It was around midnight now and the night just started. All of you were still drinking eagerly, sharing stupid stories and daring each other to do even more stupid things. The music was loud and the older people were dancing like there’s no tomorrow while you were still sitting at the table, playing cards and taking videos and photos of each other.

Some other girls around your age joined your group, you didn’t know them but the rest did. It was a nice group of people overall.

You still were watching the elders dance, smiling to yourself as your uncle and Jinyoung’s mum were dancing with each other, seemingly having the best time.

“Aren’t they cute?” Jinyoung turned to you with a grin, his hand resting right above your knee, slightly squeezing it. You could tell the alcohol had its impact on him because he was getting more touchy by minute, his eyes sparkling. 

You nodded, feeling a bit nostalgic seeing them together. They always have been close, both of them lost their significant others early and were left with their children and a whole farm to manage. “It’s nice that they’re having fun. I wish they’d take a break more often.”

Jinyoung hummed in agreement, his thumb caressing your leg, “I’m happy Mum has Minwoo. They are always there for each other and talk shit about me and Bambam,” he joked, his eyes still glued to his mother.

He was clearly adoring their little dance while you were adoring him.

“He’s really grateful you’re here.”, you didn’t expect Jinyoung to be so serious, a new side of him showing.

“I like being here. Wouldn’t go back,” you told him as you put your hand on top of his, appreciating the moment.

His eyes met yours, not thinking you’d hold his hand in front of everyone, even though no one could see, “You do? I didn’t think you’d fit in or like it here at first if I am honest.”

You let out a laugh, “Yeah, I know. You were very vocal about that if you don’t remember our first encounter as I came back.”

He joined your laughter, giving you an apologetic pout, “I’m sorry. I was being a bit rough, wasn’t I?”

You nodded, “Didn’t expect anything else though. You never opened up towards me when we were younger,” you explained to him in a soft voice, you didn’t want to hurt him with your words.

“I just wondered why you’d move here. I thought it was stupid. What does this little town offer you?” he asked curiously, his eyes glued back to your family.

“This, for example,” you gestured to them, “It’s very heartwarming here. You might not realize because you’ve always been here but this town is full of love.”

Jinyoung narrowed his eyebrows a bit, “I bet the actual reason you like it so much here is this cute neighbor of yours.”

You scoffed at his confidence, “Oh, you mean that Jinyoung guy? No, he’s just too busy loving himself, I doubt he could ever make time to let someone else in.”

He opened his mouth a bit, acting shocked, “Didn’t you hear?”, he asked you, turning his body to you now to completely face you, “Everyone says he’s a total sucker for you.”

Playing along, you slightly brushed your knees against his, “I don’t think so,” you let out a sigh, “Last week he had the perfect chance to kiss me but instead he threw me into the lake.”

He grinned, not expecting you being so witty. “I’m sure he was just nervous and regrets it very much.”

“I wonder what your sources are. They don’t seem very trustworthy. You know that guy, he has a heart made of stone.”

“Don’t let him fool you,” he came closer to whisper in your ear, “He’s actually a soft man inside.”

“(Y/n)!” your cousin screamed over to you, clearly drunk, ruining your little moment with Jinyoung, “Let's go, dance with your favorite cousin.”

You sighed heavily, knowing that refusing won’t work even though you didn’t want the playful banter with Jinyoung to end. So a few seconds later you found yourself on the dance floor, jamming to the old classics with your favorite human in town. Jinyoung and Jaebeom might be close, but no one would beat your family.

The two of you danced around like crazy, exaggerating every move, having fun without any worries for a few songs.

That was until you saw Bambam looking over to the rest of your group, his eyebrows narrowing, a mixture of confusion and anger in his eyes - his jaw clenched as he was glaring somewhere. You followed his gaze to see Jinyoung talking to a girl you didn’t know. You didn’t think anything of it at first, he didn’t seem very close to her, maybe even a bit uncomfortable.

“That little shit,” your cousin raised his voice, looking at you, “He better doesn’t do anything stupid.”

You threw him a questioning look, no idea what was going on, “What do you mean? They’re just talking.”

He shook his head, “That’s Elly. Elly and Jinyoung are never just talking.“

His ex. What did this mean to you? You didn’t feel jealous somehow. The evening was fine, Jinyoung was clearly giving all of his attention to you, the two of you weren’t dating, you didn’t even kiss yet. Of course, you hoped that this would change sooner or later, your feelings for him were undeniable at this point and part of you thought that they weren’t one-sided.

Before you said anything, Bambam was losing his temper, “He can’t treat you like this, (y/n). I’m going to talk to him.”

You laughed at his clearly drunken state, shaking your head, “No no, I can manage my relationships alone, don’t worry.”

He tried to look you in the eyes, failing slightly. You were pretty sure that if you’d ask him to touch his nose right now, he’d miss it by miles. 

“Why, of all people, Jinyoung? He’s too cold for you. I love this dude but I don’t want you to go through a hard time because of him,” he pouted, suddenly wanting to discuss your love life with you.

You knew you shouldn’t laugh, Bambam was being sincere and caring about you right now but his state was so fucked up that you couldn’t help it, “Let’s get you some water.”

Letting out a heavy sigh because you ignored him, he followed you to the Im’s table where they were selling drinks.

They immediately let out a laugh, “Oh, Bambam,” Jaebeom’s mother said amused at his clearly fucked-up state.

“Can we have a water, please?” you asked her as you held Bambam, wishing he’d stay still.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he tried to convince you, “I could do a cartwheel without a problem.”

“Please don’t,” you laughed at his confidence, giving him the cup of water and thanking Jaebeom’s mother, “Should we go back to the table?”

He nodded and you walked over to your group of friends, handing Bambam over to Yugyeom. Looking around you saw that Jinyoung was missing. Just as his ex-girlfriend.

Of course, you couldn’t know if they left together. Maybe Jinyoung just went home without saying goodbye. Checking your phone to see if he maybe texted you just disappointed you even more. You hated that you suddenly felt so vulnerable. The evening was so much fun up to this point, the fact that such a tiny thing could ruin your mood completely made you feel foolish.

Not daring to ask Jaebeom if he knew where he went or if they left together, knowing he’d try to comfort you, making you feel even worse, you said your goodbyes to your friends, claiming you were tired and needed some sleep.

Walking over to your home luckily was only taking you a minute, considering that the harvest festival was held on your farm. The worst thing about all this was that you didn’t know how to feel. Technically, you had no reason to be mad or jealous, Jinyoung and you never did anything more than flirting. On the other hand though, you liked him, so of course, it hurt you that he was probably enjoying himself with his ex-girlfriend right now. Your head hurt from all the alcohol and overthinking. You wished he would at least have said goodbye to you. Maybe, after all, he wasn’t into you as much as you thought. Today would’ve been his chance to make a move otherwise.

Opening your door you almost got scared to death. Your heartbeat was going crazy fast and you were even more confused than before. Just as you accepted the fact that Jinyoung left the party with his ex-girlfriend, he was sitting on your sofa, playing games on his phones, waiting for no one else than you.

“What are you doing here? How did you even get in?” you almost screamed, still shocked by the thought that someone broke into your house at first.

He laughed, simply stating, “I know where your spare key is.”

You shook your head in disbelief, “But what are you doing here? Why are you just sitting on my sofa?”

“I wanted to leave the party. But I still wanted to spend time with you.”

 “What about Elly?” you blurted out, your eyes immediately widening after you asked, realizing that he and you never talked about her.

He looked at you in shock, “W-What?”, you never head him stutter before, “What about her? How do you know?”, the confusion on his face vanished a bit, sighing heavy, “Jaebeom told you about her, right?”

You nodded, “It just came up once in a conversation we were having. And when I saw you with her I just assumed you left with her.”

He laughed, looking at you like you were crazy, “Why would I do that?”

You shrugged, not having an answer to his question. “What do I know? Maybe you missed her.”

“You’re crazy if you think I’d waste your time like that. And my time also,” he said softly, “Forget about her. She came up to me as soon as you left, trying to talk so I left.”

You nodded, understanding what was going on now, “So, you decided to break into my house?”

“Oh, I can leave if you want me to.“

“That’s not what I said,” you rolled your eyes. Suddenly, there was a pause. Neither of you were saying anything and you felt unsure of how to continue.

“Shouldn’t we clean outside a bit already?” you asked Jinyoung, trying to break the silence so you’d get out of this overwhelming situation. 

Jinyoung, on the other hand, seemed to be very relaxed, he almost felt at home on your sofa. He stood up, coming closer and closer to you, “It can wait until tomorrow.”

When he stopped, he was right in front of you, your feet were almost touching and if someone would push you at this moment, you surely would land on top of him, which actually sounded pretty nice to you. You nodded, trying to sneakily take a deep breath to calm down, you had no idea why you were so nervous. He’s by far not the first guy you kissed but he might be the one kiss you anticipated the most.

His hand slowly ran up your arm, then down again, giving you goosebumps all over your skin, his gentleness making you fall for him even more. His hand found yours and you looked into his eyes, wanting to drown in them as your stomach felt like it was tied in knots.

A small smile formed on Jinyoung’s lips as you locked eyes, not able to have a single clear thought. By now you were sure that tonight would be the night you’d finally have him where you wanted him. All for yourself.

Coming nearer, you felt his upper body almost touching yours, his head was leaning in and you saw him slowly closing his eyes as his free hand found your hip, bringing you even closer to him.

The moment before the actual kiss was already breathtaking enough. The mixed smell of his cologne and the alcohol the two of you drank earlier was making you feel dense. The touch of his hand was already burning but as his nose brushed yours slightly, a rush of adrenaline was sent through your whole body, making your stomach turn and you suddenly felt hot in places you didn’t know he had an impact on until now. It was rather quiet, the only sound you could hear was the muffled music from outside, but you couldn’t figure out what song was playing, only feeling the bass of it. Your heart was beating so fast, you hoped he couldn’t hear it.

But all those little and unimportant things around you vanished as soon as you felt his soft lips, pressed onto yours with the perfect amount pressure. The kiss developed from something shy and soft into the projection of what both of you had been craving secretly for so long in no time. No one dared to break the kiss, not wanting it to be over.

His hand wandered all over your body, from your hip to your waist, to your arms, to your neck, right back down to your lower back until he held onto your thighs.

“Jump,” he mumbled hectic, his voice deeper than usual, between your kisses, not wanting to stop.

“Are you sure?” you asked him carefully.

He chuckled into your kiss, “Never been more sure.”

So you did as he told you and jumped up, your legs now crossed around his hips as he held you up like it was nothing, deepening the kiss once again, your tongue playing with his. Being with him like this was more exciting than you ever could’ve imagined.

Your hand found the nape of his neck, burying itself in his soft hair, as he was carrying you to the sofa he was sitting on just a few minutes ago.

So there you were, on top of Park Jinyoung, straddling his muscular thighs, feeling a heat in your core that you haven’t felt in such a long time but missed so much. The way his hands were exploring your body while his lips were busy kissing every single spot on your jaw and your neck was making you feel like you were going insane, leaving you wanting every single part of him.

A small, rather quiet groan came out of your mouth as he pulled you closer to him, not able to suppress what you were feeling any second longer. He chuckled once more, clearly satisfied with the feelings he was giving you, before giving his attention to your lips again.

His one hand was now on your neck, supporting every movement between the two of you, as his other hand was resting on your hip, slowly making you rock back and forth on him, the tension in both of your pants growing.

Slowly, his hand started to wander under your shirt, to a place where you needed him desperately. He was caressing the skin under your shirt carefully, teasing while taking his time. You wanted nothing more than for him to move them upwards towards your breasts, giving you more and more. 

His lips were doing its magic on your neck again, kissing and nibbling on a soft spot under your ear as his hand slowly wandered up until his thumb finally found your nipple under your lace bra, the contact making you flinch a bit because of the intense feeling. 

He let out a deep groan, sending shivers down your body and an undeniable friction in your underwear grew, making you rock your hips into him once more.

You started to wonder if you were prepared for what was about to happen, the two of you were just starting and you already felt like a mess, wanting him so much more. But he took his time, enjoying every single second of you on top of him.

His hand was now kneading your breast, the pressure just exactly right as he brushed your nipple every now and then, already knowing its effect on you. Every time he touched your bud lightly you couldn’t help but moan.

You let out a small whine as your breast lost contact with his hand, not wanting him to stop. But as you realized that he was only stopping to pull up your shirt you were more than willing to give him what he wanted. Within seconds you were not only shirtless but also braless, as Jinyoung was throwing your bra away to the floor.

He studied what you looked like, wanting to never forget this moment. Leaning back on the couch you saw a satisfied smirk on his lips as his hand found your nipple again. He now was looking right into your eyes and you held eye contact with him, trying not to break it as you got wetter every time his thumb was caressing your nipple.

He enjoyed watching you trying to contain yourself for sure. The smirk on his lip was growing now and his glance was filled with a mixture of lust, adoration and mostly, anticipation of what was going to happen next.

You put your hand on his shoulder to support yourself as you started to dry-hump him, letting out a moan, a louder one this time, as you felt his erection under you.

“Shit,” he moaned, breaking eye contact and throwing his head back, his eyes closed as he bit his lip.

All of a sudden he stopped you from your actions, holding your hips down with both of his hand as he looked at you, frustration all over his face, “(Y/n), are you sure about this? I don’t think I’ll be able to stop once we started.”

Your heart skipped a beat, appreciating his question but you immediately gave him another kiss, this time a bit softer, kissing him deeply, before whispering into his ears. “Don’t you dare to stop now, Jinyoung.”

You could hear his chuckle, his breath on your neck giving you goosebumps. “Thank god,” he said before lifting you up without warning you, making you scream a bit, afraid he’d let you fall.

“Be careful, you scared me to death,” you laughed as you were being carried towards your bedroom.

“You think I’d let you fall?” he said amused, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” you countered, making him laugh as he arrived in your bedroom, letting you down on top of your bed - now you were under him, lying down as he was still sitting on his knees, taking in the view of your naked upper body right in front of him, for him only.

You did the same - and what a beautiful view it was. He was hovering over you, your legs between his as he was pulling his top over his head, throwing it away before unbuckling his belt as you were running your hand over his toned chest.

Not long until both of you were only left in your underwear. Jinyoung slowly removed your pants, before coming back up to you, supporting himself on his elbows as he gave you a deep kiss, adding tongue and caressing your cheek before looking at you. You couldn’t help but smile.

Jinyoung gave you a small smile back, his eyes soft, “I love that smile.”

Before you could think about his compliment, one that he never gave you before, before you could get flustered or say anything back he suddenly changed the game completely, fastly pulling your underwear to the side and sliding one finger inside of you while his thumb was rubbing circles against your clit.

Taken aback by his sudden actions, you let out a loud moan, almost a scream, making Jinyoung smirk a bit before his lips wandered down to your neck once again, taking his time with you as he pumped his finger in and out in just the right rhythm. You moved your hip into his movements as his lips kissed down to your chest, his free hand holding your breast while his mouth teasingly played with your nipple, licking it and twirling his tongue around it, making you a moaning mess already.

Your hand was lightly stroking his dick through his boxers, leaving you wanting more. God, the things you wanted him to do with you were unholy.

The way he glanced at you as he was kissing his way down to your core looked like living art. Your whole body wanted him so bad, just the thought of where his mouth would travel to next or how it would feel when you’d finally feel him inside of you was making you go insane. Never before have you wanted something as much and at the same time hoped he’d take his time before.

Arriving at his destination he let out a moan, definitely being into all of this a bit too much too. He started to slowly kiss your inner thighs, holding your legs up a bit, teasing every part around where you wanted him the most.

“Stop teasing,” you whined, wanting him so much more than you currently had.

He chuckled against your core, the warm air making you flinch, “I thought that’s our thing,” before licking along your wet folds and then adding another finger, his tongue giving all its attention to your clit.

The pace in that he was going down on you was making your knees feel weak. He looked so handsome, his forehead in wrinkles as he was concentrating on pleasing you completely, moans vibrating against you.

It didn’t take long for the two of you until you were having sex, the two of you completely concentrating on the sensational feeling for the next moments.

After you finished you laid down on your stomach, not able to really move, as Jinyoung let himself fall right next to you, giving your nose a small peck. He was not only out of breath but also still in trance of what had just happened, “I didn’t expect this,” he breathed, calming down from his orgasm.

You giggled a bit, “What? Us having sex?”

The smile he gave you made your heart race like crazy, his messy hair falling into his eyes, “I’m not complaining though.”

For a second you were lying there, letting Jinyoung catch his breath and calming down. You felt your legs shaking from the intercourse you just had.

“Feel my legs,” you ordered chuckling, his hand on your thigh in a second as he felt how much you were shaking.

“Glad you liked it,” he laughed before getting up, “I’ll get you a towel, be right back.”

As you were waiting for him to come back you realized what had just happened. After all the flirting and teasing Jinyoung and you actually ended up in your bed. The thought made you dizzy, but it could also be from the alcohol you drank. It seemed too good to be true.

Cleaning you up, you suddenly heard a laugh as he grabbed your ass, “I may or may not have left some marks. I’m sorry.”

You turned you head back, squinting your eyes at him, “You’re lucky no one else sees that part of me. The others would tease me to death about that.”

Slowly, he climbed back up to lay next to you, both of you on your stomach, his hand caressing your side, “Apparently they have a bet going on about when we’re going to end up together.”

“I’m not even surprised. Sounds like them,” you closed your eyes, enjoying Jinyoung’s affection, “This feels nice.”

He hummed in agreement before giving you a small kiss, his forehead resting next to yours, “I could stay like this forever.”

“Then stay,” you offered, still not opening your eyes. Jinyoung was getting a blanket, throwing it over both of you so you wouldn’t freeze, “Don’t leave. Stay here.”

“You want me to?” he asked, his hand now playing with your hair, “Alright, I’ll stay then. Sleep a bit, it’s late and you’re drunk.”

“I will, just give me one more kiss, okay?” you asked him, feeling yourself getting more tired by any passing second.

He chuckled as he came closer to your face once again, holding your face in his hands as he softly pressed his lips onto yours one more time, your naked bodies touching. “Good night, (y/n).”

Falling asleep, everything seemed too good to be true. Jinyoung beside you, his scent in your nose as you slowly drifted to sleep in his arms.

As you woke up he was gone. First, you thought you had dreamed about yesterday's events but after a few seconds, you realized that it wasn’t a dream. You got drunk, you had sex, you fell asleep next to him. And now, he was gone.

Standing up, you wrapped your blanket around your naked body, looking for the man that you spend the night with but he was nowhere to be seen.

Well, maybe it was too good to be true.

｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+

It’s been five days. Five days since you shared your bed with Jinyoung. Five days and your goddamn sheets still smelled like him - or maybe you were hallucinating at this point, wanting just something that reminds you of him around you. The two of you talked to each other casually when you met on the farm. You said hi and talked about the weather. Shared awkward smiles. And that was about it. It’s not like he was cold to you or anything, he seemed to feel just as helpless and awkward about your drunk night together as you. As much as you loved the night and what happened, you definitely hated the aftermath.

Talking to Jaebeom about it didn’t help, sadly. While you appreciate that he always listens to you and is ready to give you advice at any given time, you still had hoped that he’d suggest something else than to give him a bit of time.

The current tension between you was even worse than the sexual tension between you before. You didn’t care if you and Jinyoung wouldn’t end up as a couple, of course, you’d like that very much and still hoped that things were going into that direction, but the two of you developed too much to just destroy the nice friendship you built because of feelings getting in the way.

So you decided to visit him that afternoon, feeling anxious as you were walking up the front porch of your neighbors. You barely remember how their house looked like from the inside since it’s been so long since you been inside. The front door stood open and you knocked against it, not wanting to be rude.

“Mrs. Park?” you called for her as you slowly stepped inside, looking if you could find her but there was no sign of her being home.

Walking up the stairs, you tried to remember which room belonged to Jinyoung until you were distracted by something odd and unexpected - suddenly your ears were filled with a beautiful but rather sad piano melody coming from the room on the back of the corridor. Curious, your feet walked towards the source of the sound, your heart suddenly felt heavy, the sad melody immediately managed to impact your mood, making you feel blue. A part of you wanted to turn around and leave Jinyoung alone, just like he probably wanted you to – if you figured out one thing about him over the last few months than it was the fact that this man was a complicated person, hard to read and even harder to talk to, but you decided to accept that. There were only two options: Either you’d work it out with him or you wouldn’t.

You stood in the open door, looking at the back of the man your heart wanted so bad, sitting in front of a big, wooden piano - for a second you couldn’t even believe that he was able to play such a heart touching piece of art, sitting in his room all alone. What a waste it was for him to play all alone, with no one around to hear. It made your heart sting for a second, at this point you liked him too much to go back. Just looking at him being at peace was making you crave to be the woman beside him. After all, he was Park Jinyoung, the one man that managed to surprise you over and over again.

As quiet as possible you walked into the tidy and light room, not wanting to give him a heart attack by creeping up on him but also not wanting him to stop playing. It was a beautiful sight, the way his hands were gliding on the big instrument so smooth and without thinking. You couldn’t see his face yet but you were already swooning over how beautiful he looked.

He looked over his shoulders as you cleared your throat, continuing to play even without paying attention to the keys, giving you an unreadable smile. You sat down on his bed that was placed right beside the piano as he stopped playing.

“Didn’t expect you to come visit me if I am honest,“ Jinyoung admitted, almost sounding shy. He seemed to be a bit uncomfortable, knowing exactly that he finally had to face the night you shared a few days ago.

“Well, I didn’t expect you to be able to play the piano so skillfully but yet, here you are, doing exactly that,“ you countered in a soft tone, not wanting him to feel like you were mad at him, “That sounded beautiful.”

He chuckled and you were happy to see him relax a bit, “You think so? It was rather depressing, wasn't it?”

“Matching your mood?” you dared to ask him carefully, trying to address the whole situation somehow.

He stood up from his chair and walked over to you, sitting down next to you on his bed, “It’s my dad’s birthday today. He taught me the song I just played.”

His voice was full of love while talking about his father but you could hear the hidden sadness behind it. You didn’t know about that and suddenly, you felt guilt rushing over you. While you were wondering why he didn't try to solve the obvious problem between you and him he had something way harder to deal with. Looking up at you, he forced a small smile, “Mum and Olli are visiting his grave but I didn’t feel like going.”

Trying to give him any kind of comfort you nodded, pressing your lips into a thin line. You were surprised that he was opening up to you but as sad as the situation was, it was relieving you that he finally talked to someone about it. According to Bambam and Jaebeom he tried to avoid this topic as much as he could.

“Why did you stay here?” you asked him, trying to keep the conversation going and show him your support. What you didn’t want was overwhelm him with questions, so you slowly started to see how comfortable he was around you.

He shrugged, looking up at the ceiling, “It’s such a sad place. I feel like we shouldn’t be sad on his birthday, if that makes sense. We should eat his favorite food and drink a beer and stay up too long, playing guitar on the porch. Mum and he always sneaked out at night on his birthday, taking drunk walks. They thought I didn’t notice but they were always coming back, laughing loudly. I miss celebrating his birthdays. But it’s hard to be happy on his birthday without him here.”

He laid down on his bed, his head right next to where you were currently sitting. You studied his face, his eyes still glued to the ceiling, not daring to look at you, the woman he hurt by leaving her after having sex with her. The sun outside was setting, leaving Jinyoung’s whole room in a golden light, his tan skin was glowing and his light-brown hair shimmering. While he seemed to be sad on the outside you could see that talking about the memories he made with his father was making him feel lighter. It was nice seeing him talking about his dad - they always have been very close, you still could recall that.

“I still remember him so vividly. He always gifted me self-made marmalade before I left the city and no other marmalade, literally not a single one at home was comparable to his,“ you shared your memory with Jinyoung, looking out of the big window in his room, admiring the sun, “He has a beautiful soul.” - When you came over you wouldn't have expected to talk to Jinyoung about his father but you knew that everything else, every problem and unsolved question, between the two of you could wait for now.

“I wish I was more like him,“ his voice was nothing more than a mumble, almost inaudible. The sudden craving to hold him came over you, to comfort him in your arms, to kiss him until he felt better. But you held back, as long as you didn’t talk about the obvious.

“What do you mean?” you asked him, daring to lay down beside him - luckily, he didn’t seem to mind. The two of you didn’t touch or cuddled, you just were lying there, on his bed, having a serious and meaningful conversation.

“He was so kind and positive. He told my mother different reasons why he loved her every night. Even after a long day of work he still took his time and practiced the piano with me every night and then brought Olli to bed, reading him a good night story or playing him songs on the guitar until he fell asleep. He taught me so much but still, I could never be so full of love like he used to be.”

“You think too low of yourself, Jinyoung,“ you said determined, meaning it, “I don’t think you see how much your mother appreciates everything you do for her. She knows that you didn’t plan out your life like this but you’re staying here for her. And Olli looks up to you so much, you could do nothing to let him down.”

He shrugged, looking at you for a second, “I don’t feel like that’s enough.”

Feeling heartbroken about hearing him talk so bad about himself, your hand found his in between the two of you, linking it with yours, now it was you who didn't dare to look into his eyes, “Look at us then.”

“What do you mean?” he asked you, confused.

“Since I moved here you gave me so much joy and helped me everywhere you could. You have no idea how much I appreciate all the things you’ve done for me since I came here, complicated tensions between us or not,“ you meant every word.

He scoffed lightly, “I attacked you on your first day, made you churn butter and let you fall into the lake in the middle of the night on your birthday.”

You couldn’t help but laugh a bit at his words, “Well, yes. And I could still kill you for all of those things. But,“ you started, turning your body towards him to look into his eyes, “You also helped me calm the cows during the storm. You gave me the most meaningful birthday present I could’ve thought of. You brought me a basket full of my favorite fruits even though you still deny that you did-”

He let out a soft chuckle before interrupting you, “That wasn’t me,“ he insisted once again with a grin on his face.

“Sure, Park,“ you rolled your eyes at him picking up this discussion again, “You might think you’re being cold but you’re not at all.”

Now he turned to face you too, both of you lying on the side, looking in each other’s eyes. His brows narrowed as he tried to say something to you, the expression in his eyes seemed to be hurt, maybe even guilty.

A heavy sigh came from his lips before he closed his eyes, “I just left you. That morning. I just got up and left.”

Those words made you freeze. After all, you came here to talk about exactly that but it seemed so wrong right now, “We don’t have to talk abou-”

“I just left,“ he repeated, seeming disappointed with himself, “I never just left someone after having sex with them. There were people that meant way less to me and I still stayed the morning after. I am being a complete asshole to you all the time and still, you don’t hate me. You’re here, trying to make sure I’m okay.”

Keeping quiet was the only thing you could do at that moment. Jinyoung’s words seemed harsh but the tone in his voice sounded guilty. Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t say anything - you had no idea what Jinyoung was trying to say.

“Jinyoung,“ you finally started after a few seconds, his full attention on you, “This day is hard enough for you already. We don’t have to talk about that right now. I’m not mad at you.”

“You should be though. I know, I am pretty amazing but not even such a godlike man like me shouldn’t treat you like this,“ he joked but both of you knew it was his way of comprehending because he didn’t know how to handle the conversation you were about to have since he always struggled to talk about his feelings, especially sober.

“Why did you leave then?” you asked him the one question you asked yourself over and over again. There could have been millions of options in your mind. Maybe, he regretted it and it was just a drunk mistake. Maybe, the feelings you thought he had for you were just sexually. Maybe, he simply had to go and do something early in the morning. So many maybes that have gone through your head without any idea if any of those maybe’s were right.

“I don’t know. I wish I didn’t,“ he bit his lip nervously, not looking into your eyes anymore, afraid to see your reaction, “Maybe I’m afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” you asked, not sure if you actually wanted to know the answer. You felt many emotions when it came to Park Jinyoung. You felt happiness, joy, hope, possibly love. On other days you felt powerless, insecure and confused. What you never felt was being afraid. Pretty sure, you actually felt safe around him.

“I’m not as flawless and strong as I constantly try to convince you I am,“ he sighed, pressing his lips into a straight line, “I couldn’t stand to hurt you because of my own problems. But I still did.”

Slowly you nodded as your heart was sinking deeper and deeper in your stomach, “You’ve got to talk to me, Jinyoung. What are you thinking about?”

Jinyoung hated this probably even more than you did. He was good in so many things - he was a good friend, a better brother and the best son. He was an amazing cook and apparently, an amazing piano player. He could flirt like no tomorrow and crack jokes around his friends that would make everyone laugh. He could drink a lot and he could make your heart beat faster. There were countless things he was able to be and to do without any problem. But when it came to talking about his feelings and showing his vulnerable side he failed. You knew that just as good as everyone else but if he wouldn’t talk, you couldn’t continue to work on your relationship.

“I,“ he started but stopped, looking at you sternly while clenching his jaw a bit. His eyebrows furrowed and his expression looked almost pained, trying to find the right words, “I think that I loved the night with you. I did, really. But maybe, it was a bit thoughtless of us.”

“So, what you’re trying to say is that you regret it,“ you stated, trying to just get this conversation over with, hoping he couldn’t see or hear that you felt like he just put a knife in your stomach.

„God, no,“ his answer bursted out of him like a bullet before he started mumbling to himself, „I am truly terrible at this.“

You gave him a few seconds to gather his thoughts even though the silence was deafening. This wasn't how you expected to spend your first time in Jinyoung's bed at all.

„I like you, (y/n),“ he then spoke, determined, „Obviously I do. And I think you like me too, or at least I hope you do. But we were drunk and desperate when we had sex and I wanted it to be special.“

You couldn't help but pout at his helpless confession, adoring him even more than before. Within seconds all of your doubts vanished – as long as Jinyoung liked you too you would find a way to work everything out. Trying not to let your overflowing happiness show, you gave him a small smirk, „You thought about us having sex?“

Luckily, his body relaxed too, an annoyed smile appearing on his handsome face, „All the time,“ he scrunched his nose, his arm wrapping itself around your waist.

„So, what you're saying is that you ignored me for days because you didn't like the way it happened?“ you asked him, coming back to the actual topic.

Frowning, he sighed, „When you put it like this it sounds stupid.“

„Because it is,“ you insisted, squinting your eyes at him, „I thought you avoided me because you hated me or something like that.“

„I'm so sorry,“ he apologized again, his face coming closer to yours, „Apparently, I'm very bad at this.“

„So, what are we doing now?“ you asked him, feeling a bit anxious even though Jinyoung just told you that he liked you too, so you had nothing to worry about.

„First, I want to kiss you if you're fine with that,“ his fingers were drawing little patterns on your waist, „and then I'd like us to become something serious.“

Nodding, you did as he asked and gave him a kiss, his soft lips feeling just as good, if not better, as you remembered them. You felt something like butterflies in your stomach and you thought that Jinyoung would probably make fun of you if he knew how jolly he made you feel.

Breaking from the kiss, the most handsome man you've ever seen stared you down for a second, not saying anything.

„We should celebrate,“ he suddenly suggested.

„What do you have in mind?“ you asked him curiously, not once escaping his gaze.

„Let me take you out to dinner,“ his voice was sweet as honey and you were sure you never heard him talk in such a soft tone – it might be the rest of guilt he still felt towards you or the fact that now you officially knew about each other's feelings but you could get used to it. You wanted to get used to it.

„Right now?“ you asked him, wondering if it would be okay considering it was his father's birthday.

„I don't wanna wait a second longer,“ he smirked at his own cheesiness, getting out of his bed to get ready to go.

You joined him, „Stop being so loving. God, where did my cynical Jinyoung go?“

Rolling his eyes, he chuckled as he wrapped his arm around your waist, walking down the hallway with you. „This changes nothing,“ he gestured between the two of you, „You're still terribly annoying even if we're together now.“

„I could get used to the sound of that,“ you scrunched your nose as your eyes met before you repeated his words, „We're together now.“

Even though he tried to hide it, he was just as excited about the label as you were. You could feel it in the way he touched you and the sparkle in his eyes gave him away.

A few minutes later you were sitting outside of the restaurant in the heart of your city, the marketplace was pretty quiet as it slowly got dark outside, a candle lit on your table.

The owner of the restaurant greeted you, raising his eyebrow and smirking as he saw the two of you together. „Oh, what a nice sight to see the two of you here together. Is this a date by any chance?“

You let Jinyoung answer, not knowing if he was okay with telling people yet.

„It's still a secret so you have to keep quiet, please,“ he answered with a proud smile on his lips and you could swear his chest was sticking out a bit.

„What a pretty couple,“ he sang as he went back inside, giving you a bit of time to read the menu and decide on what to eat.

Even though it was almost autumn it was still warm outside – you loved those kind of late summer evenings. Without even having a single sip of alcohol you felt almost tipsy, the man opposite of you making you feel all light and smitten.

„This is the downside of living in such a small town,“ Jinyoung started, his skin glowing in the candlelight, „We have zero privacy.“

„I don't mind,“ you shrugged, „They're going to find out sooner or later. It's the charm of towns like ours.“

„I just would like to take you out on a date every now and then without one of the guys crashing it because they see us,“ he explained, „But you're right, it's not as bad here as I make it out to be.“

He took your hand that was resting on the table, caressing it with his thumb. Every touch you two shared make you shiver in anticipation for more. Even though you already knew you were head over heels for him you felt yourself falling deeper every time you touched.

Time went by way too fast for your liking and before you knew it you two had your dinner, your dessert and even some drinks afterwards. The atmosphere was light, both of you enjoying each other's company after not talking for some days.

„I don't want this night to end just yet,“ you pouted. Before you dared to take his hands you glanced around to see if Bambam was anywhere to be seen, not wanting him to disturb your peace.

Your new boyfriend, still a weird thought to call him that, nodded, „I can stay if you want to.“

Before you could say anything he fastly added, „I don't have to though. It's your decision. I can leave too.“

You gave him a weird glance, „You're acting like this would be a first for us.“

Not saying anything he almost froze in front of you, fidgeting with his hands, staring at your door. For a few seconds you mustered him, waiting if he'd say something but nothing came out of his mouth, which was pretty unusual for him.

„Oh god, you're nervous!“ your grin was a mile wide and you clapped your hands amused, „Park Jinyoung is nervous because of me. I can't wait to tell my diary about this.“

Frustration was written all over his face as he closed his eyes as if he couldn't believe himself. „Your diary must be full of my name,“ he mumbled under his breath before looking at you again, the satisfied smile on your face provoking him, „Stop making fun of me.“

As you were searching for your keys in your back he hugged you from behind, pressing a kiss against your hair, “Let’s drink some beer and watch a movie.”

Nodding, you stole a quick kiss from his lips and opened the door, letting the both of you in. 

“I’m going to get a blanket,” you informed him, “Get some beers, I’ll meet you in the couch in a minute.

„What do you wanna watch?“ he asked you a few moments later, one leg bent while the other one was spread out on your sofa, his arm spread on the back of it, just waiting for you to join him.

The sight of him comfortably sitting on your sofa gave you the most domestic feeling you've felt in a long time – he seemed to look even better than before somehow.

„Let's watch an animal documentation,“ you responded, sitting down next to him. The blanket you brought from your bedroom spread over the two of you, you dared to cuddle yourself up to him and he seemed to enjoy it as much as you, giving your head a quick kiss, your face resting on his chest.

„You're weird,“ he muttered, „Let's watch a horror movie instead.“

Giving him an unimpressed glance, you sighed, „How cliche.“

You could feel his chuckle going through his chest, „At least it would give me a reason to stay for the night.“

Rolling your eyes, you looked up at him, his glance already on you, „Why? Because you're too afraid of horror movies? Because I am certainly not.“

„I have such a brave girlfriend,“ he acknowledged in a sarcastic tone while opening two beers, handing you one, „Here's to us, babe.“

Clinking your bottles, you took a sip of your beer, „So, you're a babe kind of guy? Wouldn't have thought that.“

„I can call you asshole if you prefer that,“ he said seriously before starting to laugh at his own joke once again.

And with that, the rest of the evening was just as perfect as the first part. It was just you, Jinyoung, some beers and Netflix. Every now and then you shared kisses, sometimes those kisses were a bit more passionate and longer, turning into full make-out sessions before Jinyoung started to whine because he missed the plot of the movie you were watching.

“God, I’m so happy,” he told you softly as you were slowly falling asleep in his arms, relaxing completely under his touch, “I wanted this for so long.”

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You and Jinyoung managed to keep your relationship a secret for about two weeks. It took you only two short weeks to decide that it didn’t make any sense to keep it from them. Not only were both of you pretty sure that the relationship between you was serious but also, like always, none of your friends stopped their teasing, making it difficult to stay hidden because their eyes were always on you.

“We have to tell them,” your boyfriend looked at you, “It’s a miracle they didn’t find out yet.”

You chuckled, wrapping your legs around his, “I guess you’re right. But they are going to be so nosey about it. I hate it already.”

It was a late summer Saturday evening, probably one of the lasts warm days for this year and Bambam decided to gather your friends and your family together for one last barbecue.

Walking outside, you linked your arm with Jinyoung’s, something you’ve never done before in front of other people. A part of you almost felt nervous to let the rest know.

“You’re ready?” he asked you, giving you a small wink as you walked towards the big table next to the barbecue grill. Your families were already sitting down on the big table while Jaebeom and Jackson were struggling to get the barbecue grill to work. It was a beautiful evening, the sun was still high but was about to sink, the warm summer breeze felt refreshing and the big table in the garden was full of drinks and food, from meat to salads to bread to vegetables. Jaebeom’s parents were there too, currently mixing some cocktails.

Bambam was the first to spot the two of you walking out of your cottage, giving you a confused glance, his eyebrows narrowed. He stopped telling the other a story he was in the middle of, wondering about the sudden skinship. Immediately, everyone turned their heads to where he was looking, wondering what made Bambam speechless.

As you arrived you said nothing, waiting for anyone to say something.

Jaebeom looked at you with a big grin on his face, “What is that supposed to mean?”, he asked, pointing onto your linked arms.

“You are fucking with us, aren’t you?”, your cousin asked suspiciously, “Ha Ha. Very funny.”

“No Bam, for once I’m serious, you replied, amused because he didn’t believe you, “Are you really surprised?”

Mrs. Park and your uncle looked at each other, a smile on their faces.

“Jinyoung, are you serious? You can’t trick your old mother like this, don’t make me excited for something that isn’t true.”

Jinyoung chuckled at his mother, nodding, “Don’t worry, mum. I’d never lie to you.”

Bambam still didn’t seem to believe you, “If you’re not kidding you gotta kiss,” he insisted with a sly smirk, thinking that he exposed you now.

You looked at Jinyoung, giving him a questioning glance, not knowing if he’d be comfortable kissing you in front of everyone. But he didn’t seem to care and just shook his head amused before he came closer to give you a short, but still very adorable, kiss on your lips, his arm now around your waist, before turning to Bambam, who looked like he was about to faint.

“Who do you think you are just dating my cousin without asking me for permission?” he yelled angrily, getting ready to fight Jinyoung.

You, Jaebeom and Jackson started to laugh out loud as Bambam started to chase after Jinyoung.

Sitting down on the table right next to Jaebeom’s seat he pinched your cheeks lightly, “Congratulations, finally trapped him, huh?”

You nodded, “Was about time. I was slowly going insane.”

“In a more peaceful minute, you need to tell me all about how it happened, alright?” your best friend said with a satisfied smile on his lips, “And don’t forget me now that you’re in love.”

“How could I ever?” you promised, laughing as Jinyoung came back to the table, out of breath from running away from Bambam.

“Your cousin is crazy, (y/n),” he breathed heavily, shaking his head, “Maybe I have to reconsider becoming part of your family.”

“Well, too late now,“ you shrugged as Bambam joined the table again too, a goofy smile on his face as he turned to you.

“So, I assume I can’t try to set you up with Yugyeom anymore, right?” he joked, sitting back down on his chair and opening two cans of beer, one for himself and the other one for you.

„You better watch your mouth,“ your boyfriend warned Bambam, giving him a warning glance.

A few hours later, the sky was pitch-black by now and the stars sparkling, you noticed that Jinyoung was gone for quite some time now and decided to go check up on him - you saw him going to the barn earlier.

As you walked over to Jinyoung he already noticed you but didn’t look at you yet. Instead, you only saw his back as he was busy giving Bertha some kisses.

“Oh no, don’t worry, Bertha,“ he talked to her, “You’re still my favorite cow, just don’t tell (y/n).”

You rolled your eyes, scoffing, “You’re trying to make me jealous?”

He turned around, acting as if he didn’t realize you coming on, “Oh no, (y/n),“ his voice was mocking, “You shouldn’t have seen this, I can explain, I promise.”

Laughing at his own joke, he came over to you and put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him. Trying to give you a kiss, you freed yourself from his grip, giving him the cold shoulder.

“No, go and kiss Bertha, if you love her so much,“ you huffed and held your chin up high, trying to stay serious but Jinyoung wasn’t having it. Within seconds his arms were wrapped around you once again, now tighter than before so you couldn’t escape if you wanted.

Pulling you into a hug, he locked his eyes with you, a joyful smile on his still so beautiful lips, “You’re so annoying.”

Scoffing, you avoided his eyes, still playing hard to get, „I thought we're over the whole 'you're annoying me' phase.“

„Actually, each time I told you that you're annoying I fell in love with you a bit more,“ your boyfriend confessed, still hugging you tightly before smirking, „But you still were a pain in the ass.“  

You gave him a quick and small kiss before resting your forehead against his, “I want to spend the rest of my life annoying you.”

He let out a small laugh, his eyes closed. “Oh, that’s good,“ suddenly he picked you up, giving you no other chance as to hold onto him, your legs around his waist as he was holding you up, his arms tightly around your waist, “Because I want to spend the rest of my annoying life with you.”

｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡+..｡*ﾟ+ ｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

the end! if you read this whole thing i wanna thank you. this is my first long scenario and it took me a lot of time to finish it. of course, i have a lot improvement to do but i hope i could at least make someone happy with it. :)

#got7 #park jinyoung #jinyoung #jinyoung imagine #jinyoung au #park jinyoung scenario #bambam #im jaebeom #kim yugyeom #choi youngjae #mark tuan #jackson wang #kpop #jinyoung fluff

[onisiondrama]

PART 12 - videos #22 & 23

(Click here for video mirrors) - These are not my words or thoughts, I’m just summarizing what Greg / James is saying in his videos. Apologies for any offensive language or comments that may appear. - I am not repeating stories anymore and will replace these stories with brackets describing what he’s talking about. If you don’t know these stories you’re going to have to go back and read previous parts or watch his previous videos.

the past

- Another email. Person says Greg and Shiloh’s relationship reminded them of their relationship with their ex. Their ex would fake mental illness and fake episodes when they would try to leave. Greg says Shiloh would fake seizures around when they had arguments or when he tried to break up with her so that makes sense. [Shiloh popped out of seizure after he threatened to call ambulance story] He says that’s why he knew they were fake and why he didn’t take them seriously. He just thought that’s who she was and thought she was just weird. - Person says this type of manipulation only works on people who want to help. Greg says his hero complex is pathetic and he hates it. He doesn’t want to save people because it always screws him over. Except with Kai, but Kai didn’t need to be saved because he had his whole life planned out. He was going to be a surgeon, but instead Greg helped him get a bachelor's degree in psychology by spending $100,000. He says it was cool he got to help Kai with that. - Person says if Greg was still with Shiloh, he’d be living in fear. They list aspects of his life they believe she would control. Greg says the only thing she controlled was if he looked at a women, h-e-n-t-a-i, or p-o-r-n she’d freak out on him. She’s very jealous. - Person describes their relationship with their ex more. Greg says Shiloh didn’t try to ruin his life until she started doing interviews, 8 years after [Shiloh cheated story, he never jerked off to her crying] - Person talks about the impact their relationship had on them 6 years later, trust issues, avoid people, push people away. Greg says Shiloh did not have that impact on him. - Person says what Shiloh did to Greg was abuse. Greg says he feels putting the label of abuse on what Shiloh did to him is not what he wants to do right now. [Shiloh wrapped arms around him story.] He says she wanted him to do something bad to her so she could use that to guilt trip him. He realized in that moment some guys lash out and hit because they are backed into a wall and don’t know what to do. He was tested and he doesn’t hit. He giggles like the Joker, but in more of a pussy boy way. Shiloh weighed the same as him and was very strong and he didn’t want to fight it because he was afraid he’d hurt her. He doesn’t want to say he was abused because as a man it doesn’t feel normal. - Another fan email. Greg says he doesn’t have a perfect memory, but he has a pretty good one, he doesn’t have BPD, doesn’t have Alzheimer’s, so he has a normal brain besides his depression that he was diagnosed with. He says no one knows all the facts. If there’s a god, he or she might. - Person says they think there are details on both sides that aren’t being told. Greg says he doesn’t know what that means. He tells us stuff as it comes to his mind. - Person says Greg doesn’t have to prove his innocence unless he’s charged and even then he doesn’t have to prove himself to strangers online. Greg says the problem is the strangers online can harass you, SWAT you, send you horrible things in the mail, constantly make meat pizza deliveries to you. Every pizza company in the area should know by now not to deliver pizzas to him because they’re pranks and they’re wasting time and money. People don’t care if they’re stealing from companies, or if they make illegal calls to emergency agencies, or if they’re wasting animal control’s time. That’s why he has to establish innocence to the general public. [Internet is guilty until proven innocent when it should be innocent until proven guilty rant] - Person says they are 37 year old woman who works in law enforcement and it makes them sick that people are going so hard on someone who has yet to be charged with a crime. She says she wanted to show support and tells him to stay strong. He says that’s cool. [People don’t care about real crimes rant.] - Says his relationship with Shiloh was toxic and he’s glad he broke up with her. He should have broken up with her sooner. [Called police on Shiloh story, he ran away to LA.] He says a month ago he found out he could have gotten a restraining order against her. [Shiloh made him feel like she was the one, cheated.] If you raise someone else’s baby and they got pregnant with someone else you never met before while you were dating them, you’re a cuck. He’s happy to date a single mom, but not in that situation.

reality

- He want to bring some of you to reality. He says if you search “onision jail” on twitter you will see the worst things ever said to him. He received an email that said “I can’t wait until you die in jail.” -This is the reality check he hopes we all face: there’s no crime. [Sarah admitted nothing happened until she was an adult, NDA, blackmail.] Billie and Sarah both admitted Sarah was never groomed. People were around and saw them with Sarah so it was obvious she was never groomed. He was mean to her. - People talk about photos being exchanged. They’re talking about Kai, not him. The laptop belonged to Kai. Phone text exchanges is what Kai’s accused of. He 100% believes Kai wouldn’t want to send photos of that nature to someone who is not of age. The photos were not obtained through honest means in his opinion. It’s disturbing someone held onto and released those photos when they knew Kai didn’t want them to have them. He says there were two pictures and they wound up on instagram with parts cropped out. It was not sexual. - Says Regina says photos were exchanged, but he was informed Regina is a liar. Regina has no proof this occurred. He says he doesn’t know about this exchange because he is disinterested in Regina. - [Doorbell rings and dog barks.] Greg comes back and says once again you guys pranked the pizza place, defrauding pizza companies by having them make pizza and not paying for them. They got sent away once again without being payed. You guys are absolute scumbags. - Says Regina is a very ugly girl. He says he knows it comes off as mean, but he doesn’t believe in filters or PC culture. He’s allowed to think someone is ugly or gross. He saw her in a video thumbnail. He’s not trying to get our approval. - Greg says crimes typically have to happen in order for someone to go to jail. What he’s accused of is grooming. It didn’t happen and if it did it’s not a crime. - Greg and Kai backed up all their texts on a cloud so there is no escaping the evidence. He says they would show us, but we would probably try to get him canceled again for “doxing” [air quotes]. If he tries to show proof and defend himself you guys say it’s doxing. If it ever goes to court he’ll unload all the texts from day 1 to the last day. It’ll prove she said she groomed them and there were zero inappropriate photo exchanges. [Kai’s not into p-o-r-n] Except he thinks Kai had guys kissing on his tumblr. - Sarah is a shameful liar. She keeps saying she has evidence yet they’re still free. Greg have her $150 for her birthday because she helped him build a chicken coop. He says it’d be cool if she gave that back because she’s done more than $150 worth of damage with her lies. She also apparently made tens of thousands of dollars off of you guys being gullible. - [His forums were 18+ only] Says there was a rumor the forums were deleted last year when the forums where people submit stuff, onision.xyz, haven’t been around since 2016. There were dead forums up that no one was using. All the submission sections were deleted 2 years ago because there was too much controversy around adults sharing photos. He was just telling people if they were fat or ugly or not. - His discord is adults only and doesn’t even have a selfie section.  - He never exchanged inappropriate picture with anyone. - He says the police representative that was spoken to was the craziest thing because he doesn’t know why you’d comment on an open case. People say there’s 19 calls or investigations. The police have only been to his house 6 times. They’re talking about how many times people called the police, but most of the time they don’t come because they’re sick of people making shit up. - [Sarah was rejected, apologized for r-a-p-i-n-g them, left] He says he bought her the movie Dodgeball. She was mad he didn’t want to watch it with her and that was one of the last interactions they had. He made it up to her by watching another movie. He was trying to make her happier before she left so they wouldn’t be on horrible terms. [His BPD video upset her.] - He doesn’t know why Sarah would watch this video, but if she does he tells her to move on with her life so he can move on with his. He tells her when he was talking about gross smokers, he wasn’t talking about her. She never smoked around him so he wouldn’t be able to taste any smoke nastiness on his tongue. He was talking about Shiree who took his virginity. Sarah internalized everything he said as if it was about her, which is probably part of her mental thing. - If the accusations against Kai were real, they would have went to the police, but instead they went to the internet. As far as he understands Regina promoted a plastic surgery operation, Shiloh promoted a new album, Sarah promoted a Venmo with tens of thousands of dollars. Everyone’s promoting something. - The crime accusations are against Kai, but people don’t talk about Kai because he’s not popular to talk about so they blend what people say Kai did onto him. None of this will hold up in court. The police are being pranked. - [He repeats his earlier points and stories a lot.] Asks if his crime is getting blackmailed and sexually extorted by someone? Says he has witnesses, but not to Sarah apologizing. That was just to him. - He says someone tried to SWAT them but it failed. The police department is fed up by how much people try to troll them. Someone tried to send him mail with powder in it and they shut down the post office because it was dripping liquid and had a hate messages. He says no doubt from one of the moron commentary channel viewers that believed everything they said. Basically threatening his life. His house was egged by teenagers and they looked in his car. He would show us the footage, but he’s saving it for court. They thought they weren’t home because they covered up their windows after Hansen. 

[h4rr3h]

Harry and Evan were as platonic as platonic could be. Living together does that. You see their unlivable quirks; like how they always leave the toilet seat up, or how they never rinse their dishes, or how they never fully close the chip bag so they end up stale. And after six years of living together, Harry and Evan knew each other’s quirks well. The pair were long gone from their college days and fully immersed in the confusing reality of adulthood. Navigating your twenties is hard, but with your best friend by your side, it makes the whole disarray just that much easier. But, Harry has a secret, one that he’s been hiding from his best friend since the day they met, and she’s about to find out. Especially now that Niall spilled about the “Ohio Incident”. A lesson on facing your fears, being too old for college parties, cronuts (are those even still a thing?) and finding things out just a bit too late.

ohio is for lovers, chapter one evan bosco and the greatest one night stand that never happened

Since they day they met, Harry Styles knew Evan Bosco would take him on the ride of his life.

Sunday, March 25, 2018

185 Bleecker Street, Apartment 11A, New York, NY

Since they day they met, Harry Styles knew Evan Bosco would take him on the ride of his life.

 “Get up! Get up!” She hollers, jumping on the edge of his bed.

 It’s eight o’clock on a Sunday morning. Harry is hoping for another hour of sleep, Evan is hoping for Harry’s homemade pancakes.

 “I want breakfast!” She grumbles, like a child.

 Harry knows he won’t say no. God, he could never say no to this girl, “make them yourself.” He groans, pushing his face into his pillow.

 Evan jumps closer, and Harry grabs her ankle and wiggles her around a bit. She stumbles but puts her palm against the ceiling to stable her balance. She’s wearing one of his jumpers with a pair of pajama shorts underneath. He pretends that he can’t see the eggplant shaped birthmark on her inner thigh. That’s not his territory.

 “Let gooooo - “

 Harry tugs on her leg, pulling her onto him. Evan laughs in protest but wraps her arms around him, hugging him close, throwing a leg over his lap, “Pancakes?” She jets her bottom lip out and he gives in.

 “Pancakes.”

Thursday, August 23, 2012 Washington Square Diner

150 West 4th Street, New York, NY

Harry Styles is not a fan of decaf coffee. But it’s three in the morning and he was about to round his thirtieth hour of no sleep and he reckoned if he had another drip of caffeine he would surely die of a heart attack at the age of eighteen. The chemical always heightened his senses. He was all too aware of the bored waitress sweeping behind the counter of empty display cases that in just a few hours time will hold bagels and pastries galore. Her rhythm is off key when she moves to the left, it’s a sweep, sweeeeep instead of a short quick sweep sweep.

 There are four other people in Washington Square Diner with him; an old man sitting on the furthest inside seat of counter, a punk looking couple, and a simple girl. The old geezer is leaned up so gingerly against the brick facade wall that Harry worries that the slightest gust of wind from an incoming customer might knock him over. He’s clearly asleep, or drunk, or dead. The couple are picking at the paper placemats laid in front of them despite a table full of hot, greasy food. And finally the girl, that damn girl.

 Sweep, Sweeeeep.

 Evan Bosco sits at the other end Washington Square Diner, earbuds in, but nothing playing. People leave you alone when they think you’re listening to music. She picks at her stack of pancakes, so soaked with syrup that they’re sticky and too sickly sweet for the common human. But that was how she liked them. Evan pretends not to notice the red eyed boy staring wide eyed at the scene around him.

 He must be a tourist, she thinks.

 She listens to the peaceful pattern of sweeps from the lonely waitress behind the counter. Another mouthful of pancakes washed down by her cup of black coffee and she’s counted twice now since the boy with bloodshot eyes has caught her sightline again. Old Man Figgins snorts in his sleep and Evan attempts to hide her bemusement. Mitch and Hannah in the front and center booth are high on Molly or X or whatever fad drug they were doing this week. Evan catches Harry’s eye again. Only she doesn’t know him as Harry, at least not yet. For now, he was the zombie boy who caught her gaze in between staring into his untouched mug of coffee and looking around him like he was hiding from something.

 Harry’s shoulders ache. He supposes it’s his bad posture, or at least that what his mother would tell him. He shifts his weight in the booth, the squeak of the fake leather seat whining as he makes a feeble attempt to stretch his sore muscles.

 Sweep, Sweeeeep.

 The air smells sweet like maple syrup and powdered sugar. The scent almost makes him nauseous. He glares down at the room temperature cup of decaf coffee and lets out a little sob to himself. Harry winces before the taste even hits his lips.

 Fucking decaf, he complains to himself.

 He can’t tell if the girl with honey hair sitting on the other side of the Diner is looking at him on purpose or not. Her hair is pulled back in a low bun, strands still falling in her face. She hides almond eyes behind a pair of oversized wire rimmed glasses that look like they belong to the elderly man asleep (or dead) at the counter instead of a young woman. There’s a crinkle in her forehead when he catches her looking again.

 It’s then that he notices the sweeping has stopped.

 Evan rises from her seat, but not without shoving another bite of pancake into her mouth. She licks her sticky lips and crosses the Diner in thirteen strides to the back corner booth where the boy is sitting. He looks even worse for wear up close. His greenish (although they look dull under the pale Diner lighting) eyes are bloodshot to hell and, along with red rimmed eyes, he has bags so dark Evan wondered for a moment if he’d been recently socked in the face. She notices he’d put far too much creamer in his coffee, it sits so beige and stagnant in the white mug with roadmap-like hairpin cracks along the edge of its mouth.

 Something like this wasn’t rash for Evan Bosco. She was used to flighty strangers in the night, whether she was at the park or the Diner, or the Subway station. New York really was the city that never slept, in the sense that the people who inhabited it were walking talking zombies who drank expensive coffee and ate fad pastries instead of brains, just shuffling and grunting onto their next stop. It was these strange hours of the night a few times a month that Evan stepped away from the hustle and bustle of simply existing in such an exhausting city and took some time to pause.

 She met some interesting people along the way, like Hannah and Mitch who would sometimes pay for her pancakes if they were feeling up to it and offered her drugs she’d never take. Or Old Man Figgins, who smelled faintly of cat pee thanks to the dozen or so cats he had collected in his studio apartment around the corner on MacDougal Street.

 Why was she coming towards him? Harry thinks, She’s probably coming to tell me to fuck off.

 But she doesn’t, and Evan slides gracefully into his booth and it takes him a moment to resonate that the girl he’d been staring at for the better part of forty-five minutes is staring back him from across the table.

 And she smells like maple syrup.

 Neither of them speak when she sits, Harry looks into his mug like he’s waiting for it to tell him its greatest secrets.

 “I’ve never seen someone look so somberly at a mug of coffee.” Evan states.

 Harry blinks once, “it’s decaf.”

 That explains it, she thinks. Also, nice accent.

 “Why’re you drinking that?” She questions.

 He shrugs, What an odd question.

 Odd question for an odd girl.

 He rips open a sugar packet and dumps it in, hoping it will mask the flavor (it won’t), “too much caffeine. Been up too long. Need to sleep sometime I suppose.”

 Evan nods her head, “so why do you keep staring at me? Do I have something in my teeth?”

 She curls her lips up and bares a white smile to Harry. He tries his best not to smile too much back at her. He pulls his coffee mug to his mouth to try and hide it.

 “Just wonderin’ what you were doing here,” he mutters, lips pressed to the edge of the porcelain mug.

 Evan rips tiny tears into the edges of the paper placemat, “could ask you the same thing.”

 “This is the city that never sleeps, am I right?”

 She rolls her eyes, what a cliche tourist thing to say.

 “I guess,” she huffs, “this is really the only place around here that’s open twenty-four hours. I come here when I need to think.”

 Harry rolls his eyes, what a cliche teenage girl thing to say.

 “And what do you think about?” He quizzes.

 By now Evan has made it three quarters of the way around her placemat and she’s mentally scanning the rest of the table for things to occupy her fingertips; the napkins, sugar packets, a dollar store miniature coloring book with three waxy crayons in red, yellow and blue.

 She shrugs, how terribly invasive, she thinks to herself. Although it’s exciting. She’s spent most of her time in and out of this city. Between dad’s work and travels she’s seen the inside of airport terminals so often she thought she ought to have a punch card for the JFK airport. There’s something fuzzy growing in her stomach and it makes her want to throw up, but in the most exhilarating way possible. She can be anyone tonight. Anyone to this person. She’s not her father’s daughter who shares the same bright eyes and sense of adventure and terrible nail biting habit. And she’s definitely not the girl that Jacob Huckabee just dumped twelve hours ago in a Starbucks on Bleecker Street.

 “I think about the color blue, and the way that the sky looks right before the sun rises,” Evan plucks out a crayon from the little cardboard box and flips her edge torn paper placemat to the blank white side, “I think about this city and how, despite us being constantly surrounded by other people that we never actually touch them,” she draws a cluster of stick figures inside of a box below a deep blue crayon sky, “sure, we may bump into them on the sidewalk or the subway but we don’t interact with more than a mumble of a sorry or barely even that. All these damn people and then they bump into other people and it just keeps going on and on-,” Evan drags the circle around the box a few times, “for seemingly forever. One-point-six million people just bumping into each other, day in and day out.”

 Harry raises an eyebrow. He pulls the red crayon from the box and turns the paper around to him, scribbling hair and smiley faces  on two of the stick figures standing side by side before presenting it back to her, “and then there’s us.”

 “You never answered my question,” Evan replies, “about what you’re doing here. I’ve never seen you here before tonight.”

 Harry doesn’t like questions, mostly because he never really has an answer. He was at the Washington Square Diner and three thirty in the morning because he was wired on caffeine, jet lagged, stressing about his upcoming first year at university, and well, hungry.

 “You’ve met all one point six million people in this city?” He raises an eyebrow. Evan folds her arms and he caves. “And I was hungry.”

 There’s a wrinkle of questioning between Evan’s eyes that causes her glasses to slip ever so slightly, “you don’t have any food.”

 Harry shrugs.

 Evan reaches for the last crayon, the yellow one, and draws a door that leads out of the stick figure clustered box and past the circle of repetition and to the blank part of the placemat.

 “Want to get out of here?” She asks.

 Harry isn’t sure what this girl is asking. Is she trying to sleep with me? He thinks. Not that it would be the worst way this night (morning?) could end.

 “Sure.”

 Evan smiles and damn near pulls him straight from the booth. Harry grabs the paper placemat with the torn edges and their drawing and folds it neatly, “in case we get lost we’ll always know where to find each other,” he says before tucking it into his back pocket.

 Old man Figgins wakes up when the front door of Washington Square Diner slams shut. It’s a fairly warm night. There’s no wind and the air is stagnant with summer’s leftovers. A slight lick of humidity fills the air; it’s stale, old, recycled. Just like this damn city. It’s a smell that Harry can’t place and one that Evan just calls “that city smell”. It’s mechanical, but still manages to smell like greasy chinese food after its sat out for too long, mixed with the slight wet dog smell of this evening’s rainstorm.

 Harry and Evan run down the sidewalk of West 4th Street towards Washington Square Park. Evan’s not much of a runner, especially with a stomach full of sticky pancakes and black coffee.

 Harry isn’t sure why they’re running. Is it a race? No, she’s not running fast enough for that. Is she running away from him? No, she’s smiling every time he looks at her to check her pace. She grabs his hand and drags him further, her hand is soft in his.

 Evan isn’t quite sure why she’s running. Overtired? Maybe, she should’ve been in bed hours ago. Craziness? Probably, she’s felt every emotion crammed into a half day and still lived to tell about it.

 They enter the park at the corner of Macdougal and Washington Square South.

 With heavy breaths, they fall to the ground in a fit of laughter, two strangers in the middle of the night. If this were a romantic comedy, Harry probably would’ve kissed her. But all he could notice in this moment was the way that the sidewalk lamp posts glowed in the reflection of her glasses and that her blue eyes looked so bright he thought he could’ve fallen in love right there on the spot.

 Harry didn’t really believe in love at first sight or even really love at all for that matter. It was a thing for saps and Hallmark cards. But, by God, he swore he saw the rest of his life with this girl flash in front of his eyes when she shut hers and placed her hand over his.

 “So what’s the plan?” He asks, when his breath finally catches up to him.

 Evan lets out a breathy laugh, “that’s one thing you’ll learn about me, I never have a plan.”

 Sunday, March 25, 2018

185 Bleecker Street, Apartment 11A, New York, NY

 It’s like a dance routine, the way that Harry and Evan work around their tiny apartment kitchen. They’ve mastered the art of passing by the other to get a utensil from the opposite end of the counter. Harry knows to dip slightly to the left when Evan reaches above his head for the mixing bowls; all her weight rested on her right foot, her left one extended backwards behind her. It’s choreographed teamwork.

 “Shit, we’re out of chocolate chips,” Evan groans as she digs through the cupboard.

 Harry’s got his Kiss the Cook apron on, mixing bowl full of raw pancake batter cradled in one arm and whisk in the other, “when did we run out?”

 “I made those cookies for Poll’s party a couple weeks ago.”

 “You didn’t write it in on the shopping list,” Harry tuts.

 Evan glares over the tops of her glasses, “shut up,” she say, kicking him swiftly on the ass.

 He does that cocky little smirk that causes the crease of his dimples to indent even more. Evan swears she’s detested  it since the day she met him, but that’s only because it causes one single butterfly in her lower stomach to flutter for just a fraction of a moment that happens so quickly, the first few times it happened she could’ve sworn she was imagining things.

 “So what’s on the agenda today?” Harry asks.

 Evan shrugs, shaking away the butterfly, “Huck had something he wants to do later. He was scarce on the details.”

 “Isn’t he always?” Harry quips.

 Evan hates when her best friend takes jabs at her boyfriend. Sure, Harry and Huck get along as well as they probably ever could, but there’s those backhanded compliments and little quips between comments that they fire at one another that makes her think one of them is bound to get sucker punched one of these days.

 It’s the second time in the course of sixty seconds that Evan tells Harry to shut up, but this time it’s with a little more fervor and he takes the hint. At least for now.

 “Maybe it’s a surprise,” Harry wiggles his fingers dramatically.

 “Eh,” Evan starts, “he’s not really one for surprises,” she acts nonchalant but her head swirls with ideas.

 They spin together to swap sides of the kitchen, pressed chest to chest for the briefest moment. Evan chuckles to herself at the sight of Harry’s tattoo-laden bare chest under his apron. A sizzling sound sparks in the air when Harry pours the batter into the hot pan, tiny bubbles forming up. Two steps to the left and Evan is pulling out more milk for their coffee that’s been steeping in the French press. They cheers with their matching monogrammed mugs that Harry still insists drinking out of even though his has a chip on the lip.

 “I can’t wait for the day you cut your mouth open on that mug so I can dance around the apartment screaming ‘told ya so!’”

 Harry winks and takes a sip from the side with the chip and the mug rubs against slightly rough spot on the inside of his upper lip where it’s cut him over and over in the past but this time there’s no metallic taste of blood mixed with his coffee.

 Outside the front door of apartment 11A, Jake Huckabee can smell the sweet scent of pancakes outside of his girlfriend’s apartment. While he much preferred waffles, after pulling an all nighter studying for Monday’s exam, pancakes would just have to do right now. He knocks four times in rapid succession and can hear the gentle pat pat of Evan’s feet against the hardwood floors.

 “Baby, you look so tired,” Evan groans to her boyfriend, holding her hands on either side of his face.

 She slides them down to his shoulders, giving them a single squeeze before wrapping her arms around his neck. Jake presses his forehead into her collarbone and peppers kisses along her neck. Evan giggles and pulls him into the apartment, kicking the door shut behind him.

 Harry tries not to stare at their spectacle and finishes up the first round of pancakes, “have a fresh batch ready to go!” Harry says a little too loudly, his voice cracking a bit at the end.

 Evan laces her fingers with Huck and pulls him to the kitchen. The dance is disturbed now by Huck standing like an awkward fucking giant in the middle of the kitchen. Evan bumps into him with a hot pan of cooked bacon and he winces and rubs the rapidly forming burn on his arm, Harry steps on his big toe while backing up to get the syrup from the cupboard.

 “Hey Huck, can you put this stuff on the table?” Harry asks, slightly annoyed, but mostly just to get him out of the fucking way.

 “Sure, man,” he replies, giving Evan a kiss on the forehead before putting the plate of fresh pancakes on the tiny dining table in what was supposed to be the other half of the living room.

 Living in a New York City apartment, especially when you’re barely able to cover rent and food, is like playing a real life game of tetris. The buildings are full of right angles and corners and straight lines, and the rooms take on multiple uses. The living room becomes a dining room on Sunday morning but a dance hall on Saturday nights. The weird corner in the kitchen that’s too small for a table but too big for a bar cart becomes a place for Harry and Evan’s ‘his and hers’ cats to perch and catch some morning rays. The bedrooms double as therapist offices and gymnasiums. And so on, and so forth.

 The threesome settles at the dining table and it’s a symphony of scraping forks and Huck’s cow chewing because of a deviated septum from a broken nose as a kid. They’ve had many a morning like this. Harry would be stupid to act like this didn’t happen every goddamn Sunday morning and now especially since Evan and Huck saw less of each other because of his spastic medical school schedule, time was precious.

 “So how goes Ye Olde Med School?” Harry asks, letting his fork scrape against his teeth for a second or two too long.

 Huck rubs his tired eyes. The classes are exhausting and seemingly never ending, the course load is enough to make anyone’s goddamn head explode, he sleeps an average of four hours a night, and he spends so much time in the library he can’t remember what day of the week it is most of the time.

 “It’s good,” he says simply.

 Thursday, August 23, 2012

Washington Square Park, New York, NY

 “So what are you thinking about now?” He asks.

 “Are you a therapist?” Evan questions in a dry tone.

 She opens her eyes and rolls her head over to face him, she can feel the soft tickle of the grass on her cheek. It’s quiet, and that’s saying something for the city. There’s the ever present sirens in the distance and honks and the other white noise static she’s become accustomed to. After all the places in the world that her father had taken her on his work trips, she detested the fact that he had to settle on New York City when it came time to take the promotion and settle down. Now he was the Editor-in-Chief of Travel Lately; one of those boujee travel magazines that showcased resorts and accommodations only the one-percent could afford. It was a modest upbringing when her father was just a measly travel writer carting his daughter around the world. But he was amazing at what he did and made good connections, and well, things changed. Now he spent 9-5 in an office building surrounded by glass walls and computer monitors the size of big screen televisions.

 “I’m interested in what you have to say,” Harry says, plainly. He’s turned his head over too and Evan can feel his breath feather across her face. He smells of coffee and mint.

 Is he trying to sleep with me? She thinks. Men are all the same.

 Evan rolls onto her side, propping her face up on her palm and surveys Harry. He’s laying on his back, hands folded on his stomach. His breathing is light and steady in perfect rhythm. His heart is racing, and she can hear. Even his heart beat is in sync with his breathing and she wondered how in the Hell anyone could be so in tune. Harry’s eyes are more green than she noticed in the diner; they looked more hazel under the fluorescents and she spots a pair of swallow tattoos just below his collar bone poking out from above his shirt. She reaches out to trace one.

 “I already told you what I think about, and what I was doing in the Diner. How about you answer some questions, buddy?” She finishes dragging her finger across his skin, his body emitting shivers under her touch.

 Harry takes a deep breath to try and recover himself, he wonders if she can hear how fast his heart is racing, “do you want the long or short version?”

 “Long,” she smiles, “we’ve got another couple hours until sunrise.”

 Evan listens intently while he speaks, “well, I got here this afternoon, from England, if you couldn’t tell.”

 She could.

 “I’m starting University on Tuesday and I’m scared shitless. I already hate this city. It’s so loud and lonely despite the fact you are never actually alone anywhere...ever,” he continues, “you have to wait twenty minutes for a seven dollar cup of coffee that takes less time to drink than it took for you to get it. It’s so goddamn loud. I don’t think I’ve heard a second of silence since I’ve gotten here. And there’s tourists, like, everywhere. It’s exhausting.”

 “Shit, I’d hate to see what you’ll be like after a month,” Evan quips.

 “Dead, hopefully.”

 There’s a playful smirk on his face and it makes Evan feel things she shouldn’t feel about a complete stranger, “Where are you going to school?”

 “NYU-”

 “Wait are you shitting me?” Evan sits up, clutching her chest.

 Harry is confused, “no?”

 “I’m going there too! That’s so cool! Small world, huh?” She jabs his ribs, “so what made you decide to cross the world to come to school?”

 He lets out a stream of breath, it comes out as a low whistle, “...my best friend talked me into it. Wanted something different, I suppose. If I stayed home I’d probably be working in my parent’s little pub. Sold me into the whole big city thing and here I am.”

 “So where’s he?” Evan asks.

 Harry shrugs, “probably at home.”

 “What’s his name?”

 “You ask a lot of questions,” Harry tuts.

 Evan rolls her eyes, “so says the guy who wants to know what I’m thinking because he’s sooo interested in what I have to say,” she proclaims with faux drama.

 “Fair enough,” Harry starts, “his name is Louis. We met really young. He’s a couple years older, already in school. His family lived next door to my parents growing up. Parents split and his dad stayed in England so he’d spend summers with him and the rest of the year here with his Mum. We just stayed in touch over the years.”

 “So you just dropped everything to move to the states and be with your best friend?”

 Harry thinks about it. That wasn’t really the full reason why. It was just his easiest way out of a drone life of working the pub and then it would eventually be passed on to him like it was his to his Mum and surely onto his children after he grew too old to care for it. It wouldn’t have been a bad life. It’d be comfortable, he’d marry the girl next door and she’d work in a shop up the block from the pub and they’d have a comfortable and familiar existence together and maybe pop out a few kids and go on a couple vacations. But Harry had known from a very young age that that was not what he wanted for himself. So the easiest way out was taking Lou’s advice and getting the fuck out of dodge.

 “I guess, in a way. It’s complicated back home but entirely not at the same time. I needed to get away from the constant sameness of the day to day. I needed something more for myself than what life back home could offer me and he offered to help me out and here I am.”

 Evan clutches her chest again and finds the whole thing so goddamn endearing she may burst. She wants to ask him about home and the best friend that she can thank for bringing him here and about a thousand other things but she doesn’t.

 “That’s so bromantic!”

 Harry rolls his eyes, “does that adequately answer your question?”

 She adjusts herself so that her head is resting on his chest. His heart is racing so fast Evan can feel it thump gently against her and Harry flushes and prays she doesn’t notice.

 She does.

 “For now.”

 She lets her fingers tiptoe on the grass around her. A silence has fallen between them (if you’re not counting Harry’s furiously beating heart) and Evan musters up the courage to ask what she’s about to, “so where are you staying tonight?”

 Harry fumbles with his answer, “uh just some like cruddy hotel until uh I move into the dorms. Louis’ mum’s apartment is cramped enough as it is without me there. W-why do you ask?”

 “Can I see it?”

 He chokes on air. Holy shit she really is trying to sleep with me. He blinks once, “uhm sure, I guess.”

 Sunday, March 25, 2018

185 Bleecker Street, Apartment 11A, New York, NY

 “Does this mean you’ve finally grown a pair of balls?” Niall asks, sipping his beer,  feet resting on the edge of the coffee table.

 Harry pushes his legs off his goddamn coffee table and leans back in his seat, taking a last sip of his drink before slamming the bottle on the table, “no, I’m just going to start being honest. I can’t stand seeing her with that human Valium.”

 “They’ve been together longer than you’ve known her, mate. I think you need to just keep your mouth shut and accept the fact that it’s never going to happen,” Louis chimes in, always the voice of reason.

 “If you tell her does that mean you’re going to stop bringing up your overdone sad sap trope every time she’s not around and you’ve had more than two drinks?” Niall pips casually.

 Louis tries his best not to chuckle, “yeah man, it’s kind of getting old. Either move on or tell her. And personally, I vote don’t tell her. Not after this long, and you live together…it’s just kind of sad and entirely too creepy.”

 “Thanks,” Harry seethes, finishing his beer and getting up for another.

 “Where is she anyways?” Niall asks.

 “Out with the Valium,” Harry sneers. He’s four beers in and feeling brave.

 “Bitter, table of one.” Niall mumbles into his beer.

 Louis rolls his eyes and mentally adds another tick to his count of how many times he has to smooth over something Niall says for Harry’s benefit. Just a normal side effect of having one friend with no filter and another who takes everything much too personally.

 “How’s Jordan?” Louis asks, changing the subject.

 Oh, right, my girlfriend. Harry thinks. Well, at least this week.

 “She’s good. We’re supposed to be going on a weekend trip up north to see her parents in a couple weeks. That should be interesting.”

 “You’ve met her parents like four dozen times, what’s so different this time?” Louis inquires.

 Mr. and Mrs. Charles Meyers of Troy, New York wanted nothing more than for their first born daughter to marry the man of her dreams. Harry was not this man. They were old fashioned, made Harry and Jordan sleep in separate bedrooms whenever they spent a night at their McMansion upstate. But a little after midnight Jordan would sneak into the guest room and snuggle up to Harry for a cuddle or a fuck or whatever they were feeling at that particular time. There’s just something about that boy, they always thought. He was smart, well put together, made good conversation, was respectful to their daughter, but Mr. and Mrs. Meyers knew that Harry Styles was not the man their daughter would marry.

 “It’s their like thirtieth wedding anniversary or some bullshit. So everyone is making a big deal about it and Jordan is asking too many questions about ‘the next step’.”

 “...you mean like normal couples do?” Louis fails to see the clear annoyance in Harry’s tone.

 He groans and puts his face in his hands, “she’s just - I don’t know how to describe it. She’s all over me all the time and then I’ll say something she doesn’t agree with and she’ll dump me for two weeks and then just show up at my door like she hasn’t been cursing my existence for the last fourteen days.”

 Niall pushes his glasses up his nose, “poor Harry, can’t get the girl he wants, can’t get rid of the one he doesn’t. Life is so cruel.”

 “Remind me again why we keep you around?” Harry snickers.

 Niall grins, “for the amazing commentary and real life wisdom.”

 “Yeah,” Harry snorts, “that’s it.”

 Thursday, August 23, 2012

St. Marks Hotel

2 St Marks Pl, New York, NY

 Harry wipes his sweaty palms against his jeans and paces the length of the tiny hotel room four times by the time Evan is done in the bathroom. He’d never had a one night stand before, unless you counted the time he lost his virginity to his first girlfriend who then promptly dumped him the next day. Harry liked to think there was no correlation, but he was just a lousy kisser and an even worse lay at age sixteen.

 He sits at the edge of the bed and it let out a squeaking groan in protest. Whoever was staying next door was surely in for a (loud) treat. He ponders briefly if he should play some music to help set the mood or dim the lights or shut them off completely. The blanket he’s sitting on is scratchy and he swears he can feel it through the fabric of his jeans. Finally, he hears the click of the bathroom door opening and approximately five thoughts process through his head at once;

 One, her hair is down, swung over one shoulder. It’s precise without looking like she did it on purpose (she did). Harry notices a small globe tattoo at the very top of her shoulder.

 Two, she’s taller than he thought, standing in front of him as he’s seated on the edge of the bed frozen with fear. He’s eye level with her bust and now he can hear her heart too.

 Three, her skin is a lot warmer than Harry expected. His hand cups her hip, his thumb toying with the bottom hem of her loose fitting tee shirt.

 Four, she smells like a mixture of seasalt and French vanilla coffee.

 Five, he can’t fucking go through with this.

 “I - I’m sorry, I can’t.”

 Harry stands and backs himself into a corner, biting at his thumbnail, shoulders hunched over. Evan takes a step towards him and he flinches backwards.

 “Have I done something wrong?” She asks. She’s on the verge of tears, mostly from the embarrassment of flinging herself at a total stranger she’d picked up at a fucking Diner, and partially because she misses her boyfriend, well, ex now.

 “No, no. You’re fine. I just can’t sleep with you. You’re great, honestly. I just...can’t do it.”

 “Oh my God,” Evan gasps, “are you gay? I’m so sorry, I just assumed - “

 “No! No I’m not gay,” Harry corrects, “not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m just, not. I know I’ll regret all of this in the morning and quite possibly the rest of my life -”

 Evan laughs, loud and breathy. It’s more of a relief than anything. She really didn’t want to sleep with Harry either. Although he was quite attractive and interesting and all that but in a way she thought that sleeping with him would cheapen the night. Having sex with him would’ve given the whole spontaneity of everything less meaning and it took him forcing himself into a corner like a terrified puppy for her to realize that.

 “Come here,” she says, sitting down and patting the space of mattress next to her.

 Harry hesitates, his heart still racing as if she were underneath him.

 “I just got dumped,” Evan starts, and he isn’t quite sure why she’s telling him this, “he said that while we were great together, he had to focus on school and his career and I just didn’t fit into that. So I cried, and went to the Diner, ate my weight in pancakes and now I’m here, with you.”

 “I think he’s an idiot,” Harry consoles, holding her hand in his.

 Evan swallows the lump in her throat, “thanks.”

 “No problem.”

 Silence again, and it’s truly quiet for the first time since Harry had arrived in the City. He sighs and savors what he’s sure are going to be far and few in between moments. Evan yawns and rubs her eyes, it’s been a while since she’s been this tired. She’s been tired since she got to the Diner and the night’s ups and downs just added to her exhaustion.

 “You can sleep here if you want,” Harry offers, “or I can call you a cab if you’re not comfortable with that.”

 Evan smiles, “I think I’ll stay here.”

 Sunday, March 25, 2018

185 Bleecker Street, Apartment 11A, New York, NY

 “Where the fuck is Evan?!” Polly hollers from the hallway between apartments 11A and 11B.

 It’s half past seven and the boy’s show at the bar up the street starts in a half hour. Evan never misses show nights on Sundays and Polly is impatient.

 “Relax, maybe she got stuck in traffic,” Louis rubs her lower back, trying to calm down his girlfriend.

 Polly stomps and puts her hands on her hips, “well then she should’ve called! This is so disrespectful. She knows how important - “

 Louis covers her mouth with his palm, “Polls, it’s fine. I’m going to round up Harry and Niall and we’re going to go across the street to get set up. Meet us there in ten?”

 She nods, her stature loosening a bit when he removes his hand, “sorry, I’m PMS-ing,” she defends, folding her arms across her chest.

 “Yeah, I know,” Lou teases before giving her a kiss on the forehead, “I’ll order us a round and you can get nice and blitzed tonight.”

 She chuckles and smacks him on the bum, “go! You’ll be late!”

 Louis goes back into 11A and Polly can hear the faint sounds of him hollering at the other two to hurry up. Pounding footsteps make their way up the hallway and Polly is half pissed, half relieved to finally see her cousin.

 “Finally! I didn’t think you were going to make it,” Polly snapped.

 Evan didn’t respond and just pulled her into the apartment.

 “Everyone to the living room!” She yells excitedly and Polly rolls her eyes and wonders what the hell she’s doing.

 The three boys come rushing into the living room. Huck isn’t far behind and lets himself into the apartment. Evan steps away from her cousin and clutches onto her boyfriend, excitedly biting her lip.

 “What?!” The four friends chime in unison.

 “We’re engaged!” And she holds up her left hand and shiny diamond ring to prove it.

 Niall stifles a laugh into a cough and Harry plans on getting very, very drunk.

 Sunday, August 26, 2012

Goddard Hall

79 Washington Square East, New York, NY

 It had been three days since Evan parted ways with Harry. They hadn’t so much as shared their names with each other, nor phone numbers nor anything else. They fell asleep halfway into an episode of Friends and Evan left when the dawn of morning came. When Harry finally woke up in the early afternoon, he thought maybe she’d been a dream; a toxic combination of too much coffee, not enough sleep and a brand new city. But when he heard a crinkle from his back pocket and pulled out the tattered paper placemat with her drawing, he knew she had, in fact, been for real.

 He couldn’t wait to tell Louis.

 Move in day at Goddard Hall was going smoothly for Evan and her father, Evan Bosco Sr. After believing for months that their daughter was a son due to faulty ultrasound equipment in Cambodia, Mr. and Mrs. Bosco couldn’t decide on a name for their daughter, so they just settled on naming her what they had intended on naming their son.

 “I think that’s the last of it,” Evan Sr. says, dropping the last tote of belongs on the floor of his daughter’s new dorm room, “want me to help you unpack?”

 “Nah,” Evan replies, “I’ll probably just do the essentials tonight, get a pizza and watch some Netflix.”

 Evan Sr. had a swollen heart, watching his only daughter, his only child leave home for college. Even if she really wasn’t all that far from home. The apartment would be quieter, he’d miss their morning cups of coffee while they split the paper; crosswords and the business section for him, current affairs and comics for her. He’d miss (although he’d never admit it) when he’d have to remind her to pick up her dishes or clean up her room. He’d miss having his partner in crime with him.

 “Alright, if you need anything, just call me and I’ll be here.”

 “Yes dad,” Evan groans.

 “I’m not far. Even if you need to get away from your new roommate -”

 “I’m sure the twelve minute subway ride to get home will really be a daunting when I want to shower in private.”

 He laughs, “where is this roommate anyways?”

 “No clue,” Evan shrugs, “maybe I’ll get lucky and end up with a room to myself. Then you’ll really never see me.”

 “Hey,” Evan Sr. turns the rolling chair from the desk and sits in it, “how about once a week, no matter what, we do something? Whether it’s dinner, lunch, shopping, a movie, doesn’t matter. Deal?”

 “Dad,” she starts, she can see the corners of her father’s eyes twinkling like they do right before he cries, “I’m not moving to a different country, just a different neighborhood. You’ll be too busy living up the bachelor lifestyle in your newly empty apartment that you won’t have time to miss me.”

 Evan Sr. stands and pulls his daughter into a hug. He squeezes her tight and plants a kiss on the top of her head before letting her go and heading for the door, “okay, I’ll let you get to it.”

 “Love you, Dad.” She says.

 Her father waves and yells, “Love you too, my little snickerdoodle!” Down the crowded hallway back at her.

 Evan laughs and closes the door, turning to her empty dorm room. She sighs once and lays down on the uncomfortable twin bed and instantly regrets fighting her father to let her live on campus.

 Somewhere in the middle of the third season of Arrested Development, Evan falls asleep, curled into a ball on her unmade bed. It’s dark in the room when she wakes up a couple hours later with still no sign of her roommate. Maybe I did get lucky and end up alone. She thinks. She plugs in her microwave and whips up some cup noodles and settles back into bed. Another hour passes before there’s a the sound of keys jingling outside the dorm door. After a couple of hushed swears the door pops open and it takes a few seconds for Evan’s eyes to adjust from the brightness of her laptop screen to the darkness of the room.

 When the light flicks on she can’t seem to find the words she wants to say so instead, stares with her mouth agape at the sight of Diner boy standing in front of her. He looks at the piece of paper in his hand, “Evan?”

 “Yeah?”

 Evan scrambles to the move in slip on her bedside table with the name of her roommate listed on it, “I assumed Harry was short for Harriet.”

 Harry bursts out laughing, falling onto his bed across from Evan’s.

 Since they day they met, Harry Styles knew Evan Bosco would take him on the ride of his life.

FIRST AND FOREMOST THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE ON THE PROLOGUE. Holy crap. And all the lovely messages too! I’m so excited to go on this journey with you guys and share all of the shenanigans that this gang is going to get into. 

Until next time!

#fic: oifl #chapter oneeeeee #harry styles #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #1dff

[junker-town]

Ronald Acuña Jr.’s Silver Slugger is just the start

Ron is about to be on some Tribe Called Quest shit and go on an Award Tour.

Ronald Acuña Jr. is really, really good at baseball.

He won his first Silver Slugger award on Thursday evening alongside teammates Ozzie Albies and Freddie Freeman (who are also really good!). But we’re going to celebrate Ronnie Baseball for a moment.

I mean, just look at this tweet. This beautiful, perfect tweet.

Ronald Acuña Jr. is 21 years old and just won a Silver Slugger award. Here are the other outfielders to win a Silver Slugger at 21 or younger: Mike Trout Ken Griffey Jr.

— Sarah Langs (@SlangsOnSports) November 7, 2019

Mike Trout. Ken Griffey Jr. Ronald Acuña Jr. Yes.

2019 probably should have been Acuña’s year to enter the 40-40 club, which he very likely could do in the future. He got injured right before the postseason, finishing with 41 home runs and 37 stolen bases in 156 games. But it was still an amazing season — only 41 players have ever had at least 30 home runs and 30 stolen bases in 150 years of Major League Baseball, and Acuña is one of them.

Acuña’s game is an absolute delight. At a listed 6-feet and 180 pounds, he’s not a big guy, but he hits the baseball with a smooth swing that has a violent vibe to it, resulting in incredibly satisfying-sounding dingers like this one:

Suñday! Suñday! Suñday!#ChopOn pic.twitter.com/PNx85MPgl6

— Atlanta Braves (@Braves) July 22, 2019

If you’re a Braves fan like I am, it’s hard not to love Acuña. He’s kind of what we thought Jason Heyward was going to be — a prospect that became everything we expected, and more importantly, the next face of the franchise. Since day one, Acuña hasn’t let up and, if anything, has exceeded expectations. There are only four players in MLB history to join the 40-40 club, and Acuña was almost one of them at 21 years old. Just writing that warms my sad Atlanta sports heart.

All that said, he’s not for everybody — fans and players included. He’s going to let you know when he owns you because he (probably) works hard and is having fun playing a game. That goes against the “traditionalism” that many around the game believe in so sternly.

People love sports rivalries, though some will argue it’s not truly a rivalry if it’s one-sided. I disagree with that mentality because Acuña vs. the Marlins is a beautiful one, though we’re getting close to the point where we could just call it bullying. The Marlins suck, and Acuña proves it almost every night he plays against them.

.@ronaldacunajr24 got his revenge. #Crushed pic.twitter.com/S1cSFmTdf6

— MLB (@MLB) August 24, 2018

Some of y’all don’t deserve Acuña because of how you reacted when he didn’t sprint down the bases after sending one to the wall against the Cardinals. Sure, a 331-foot single in the playoffs isn’t ideal, but holy shit, you guys wanted to bench one of the best young players in the game. That’s actually hilarious; stop being dorks. If you don’t like Acuña for all these things you think he’s doing to DiSresPecT tHe gAmE you should probably do some self-evaluation.

He might never be the most liked Braves player for reasons, but he’s undoubtedly going down as one of the best athletes this city has ever seen. I often poke at people’s nerves on Twitter by saying that Julio Jones is the best Jones to ever play sports in Atlanta, because this city loved Chipper Jones. However, I honestly do believe that about Julio. I also believe that Ronald Acuña Jr. has the chance to be the best Braves player since Hank Aaron.

There’s a lot of time to find out whether that happens, but for now, we should enjoy the fact that Atlanta has one of the best young players in baseball.

[segadores-y-soldados]

Um hello everyone??

??????

I hit another follower milestone and like???

HI

How are there so many of you here??

Thank you to everyone for your support!  I hope ya’ll are enjoying the stuff I put on this blog!

So for new and old followers here’s some stuff about me and a mini writing showcase:

Tumblr username: Segadores-y-soldados AO3 username: clickclickBANG Twitter: https://twitter.com/SegadorYSoldado (I am very new at the bird website, please send help) Semi-personal info: transdude from California, please use he/him for me Semi-relevant skills: slowly improving my Spanish - feel free to correct my nonsense (also, 00halle, I saw your comment - I’ve been meaning to respond!  Thank you again for the offer, I super appreciate it and will be coming to you with some questions when I get a chance)

Content: All Overwatch stuff, lots of Reaper76 shippy stuff - be sure to look at my About page to find my other ships I’ll reblog 

Things I’m most well-known for: My essays (tagged as “my essays”) including references on Reaper, Soldier, and Ana; little dialogue scenarios (tagged as “dumb stuff”), usually involving Reaper/Gabriel and Soldier/Jack in some way; doing research on lore and locational stuff in Overwatch; writing fics about Gabriel and Jack being ridiculous smartasses who are in love (and oftentimes the poor people who have to witness their shenanigans).

Little writing showcase:

SEP: Sunsets (written for the amazing Vapewraith!)

They’re in one of the halls of the SEP facility - tucked away into a deep mountainside “somewhere out west,” the building is hard angles and brutal concrete and cut-steel, as soft as titanium and as gentle as the injections they get every morning and evening.  Yet even here, in “wherever’s-range,” there is still beauty: the massive windows, normally just cold, crystalline glass, are open to the sunset, bleeding colors across the land and sky, dripping into the hallway with the vibrancy of oil paints.  Reds smoke into bright, endless pinks, golds melt into bold, sunshine yellows, oranges shift into liquid amber, and at the edges of the atmosphere, velvet purples sigh into silky blues, tinting the more vivid colors and steeped clouds with the dusk of night and the emerging stars.

It’s a sight neither Gabriel nor Jack will ever get tired of -

No matter how exhausted they are.

“The doctors will see you shortly -” the SEP instructor starts to say, reappearing at the far end of the hallway, before he looks up from the papers on his clipboard and scowls at the group of crumbling supersoldiers, snapping, “Is that what you call ‘lining up?’”

“Maybe if y’all didn’t work us so damn hard,” Number: 141 growls, his voice climbing into a hoarse yell, “We’d still have the energy to fucking stand!”

There are shouts of agreement and calls of “Yeah that!” and quiet mumbles of assent.  Gabriel huffs to himself, sliding himself onto the concrete barrier and trying his hardest not to wince as his muscles settle into a sitting position.  He’s used to hard work and even harder workouts, but today had been…brutal.  3 am running through the facility and into the mountains and back, to 10 am sparring and boxing and hand-to-hand combat, to 1 pm “simulation training” where they ran teams in rubber-bullet fire-fights, to 4 pm regulated work outs of push ups and squats and curls, to now - 8 pm - where they fall to their pieces in concrete hallways, waiting for doctors to take their biodata and continue churning them into statistics for the U.S. government before jamming more needles in their arms and sending them to brutal, uncomfortable cots in the dorms.

Jack slides himself up next to Gabriel, sighing just loud enough for his best friend to hear, “Today…was pretty bad.”

“Would’ve been easier on you if you hadn’t burned yourself out on those push ups,” Gabriel grunts back, pulling a pack of cigarettes from a pant pocket.  He taps one out, muttering with some confusion, “Why were you doing all those one-armed push ups?”

Old Habits (aka “the big fic”) - Rating: T - Action/Adventure for R76:

“PULL BACK,” Reaper’s shouting at the three goons who got blasted the fuck back with a concussive rocket, “ASSHOLES, THOSE ARE HELIX MARK VI, IF THEY FIRE A REAL ROCKET YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD.”

Louis is, remarkably, the only one who stays on his feet, although now that they’re all wearing their visors it’s getting difficult to tell who’s who.  The other two roll backwards, flipping over a few times before slamming into the cliff wall behind them.  Reaper could fucking push both of them off the ledge and into the depths of the canyon with how annoyed he is at them, but that’s not important right now.

Three of the Helix fliers pop up from behind the rock ledge, hovering just a bit above the ground - low enough to get shelter again, but just high enough to give them a subtle height and maneuverability advantage over the Talon and Deadlock ground units.  He hears Widowmaker and Henri fire off a few more rounds, but distant screams are the only reward for that - they’re aiming at the U.S. military soldiers who are stupidly rappelling down from the stable parts of the train still up on the tracks and making themselves easy targets.

“Widowmaker, Helix units, on the ground, below you!” Reaper growls out over the comms before he fucking dematerializes -

- and reforms himself directly behind the three Helix fliers.

God, that hurt like a FUCK.

He punches one of them in the back to make up for it.

FUCK THAT FUCKING HURT TOO

WHY DIDN’T HE JUST FUCKING SHOOT THEM LIKE A REGULAR ASSHOLE

(More under the cut)

76 + 127: How We Were Made - Rating: E - Reaper76 SEP fic

Jack stands by one of the dull, concrete walls and bends himself over before slowly reverse-walking his legs up the side.  The rush of blood to his already throbbing head just makes it feel worse, but the weird mix of exhaustion and energy courses through him and he -

He cannot tell if he wants to fight something

Or fuck something.

...Probably both.

That was the other thing: the fucking raging mix of hormones and chemicals - both natural and artificial - had only cranked individual personalities, energies, attentions, aggressions, and desires to the fucking max.  It had been apparent from the day of orientation that all 150 of them were between 18 and 25 years old - all physically fit, largely martially-oriented people from a multitude of military programs across the country.  Jack and Gabriel had been the top two picks from West Point, but Jack had recognized a handful of the others as being from the academy - like three upperclassmen and ten lowerclassmen and two from their own group - Adrien and Sarah.

So yeah

Of course both fighting and fucking had started occurring within the first week.

Pinche mierda, there had been packets of lube and condoms in their supply chests in their bunk rooms from the very first day onwards.  The program directors had certainly known what to expect from a bunch of high-energy, high-intensity young adults.

Jack sighs again, not sure if he loves or hates the pressure in his head and neck, before pushing his arms up off his elbows and onto his hands.

Upside-down push-ups suck.

Gabriel’s wide, smug, fucking charming grin flashes into his head.

Sharpshooter: Hit Me Like A Drum - Rating: T - McHanzo meeting fic

Jesse flicks his eyes from the apparent quiver back to the man’s amazing face and his dark eyes and immediately knows two things:

1 - This man is absolutely the most handsome person Jesse has ever had the blessed fortune of meeting.

2 - He does not understand a word coming out of the man’s mouth.

“...Pardon?” Jesse asks absently, blinking awkwardly. The...archer (?) tilts his head a little and scowls a bit - oh jackrabbit turds, I pissed him right off - before saying in flawless English, “It is your turn.”

Oh. Jesse thinks lamely. English.

“Oh uh, thanks, partner,” Jesse says awkwardly, glancing back towards the counter where one of the chefs is waiting with an expression of stern politeness that is fading into increasing annoyance. Jesse makes eye contact with the chef and she gives him a small handwave of “hurry up, tourist, I don’t have all day.”

“Uh…” Jesse glances back sheepishly at the man behind me, giving him an embarrassed smile, “You wouldn’t happen to know which one is the spicy pork ramen, would you?”

The man’s scowl fades for a quick second before returning, and he says with startlingly serious focus, “Oh. You can’t read it.”

“Uh…no, sorry ‘bout that, darlin’,” Jesse apologizes without thinking and the man raises an eyebrow, asking, “‘Darling?’”

OH FUCK ME AND MY DUMB ASS

Why, yes, please do, the wiseass side of Jesse cracks in his head and he fucking flounders over the barrage of shame and embarrassment and attraction.

“Oh, damn, shit, sorry - oh cheese on a cracker, I shouldn’t be swearing, oh god you’re gonna think I was never taught manners - shoot, sugar, I’m so sorry, it’s a bad habit I got from my pa and - Shit, I just did it again - sorry, it’s been a long trip here and, oh Lord, I just swore again, this is so embarrassing -”

A startled look of wonder blossoms on the man’s face and if Jesse wasn’t so fucking flustered, he would love to try and mentally catalogue how the man looks so open and surprised. Jesse is in the middle of tripping over his words when the unthinkable happens.

A miracle occurs.

The man gives a surprisingly broad and genuinely happy grin and starts to laugh.

#personal #about #writing showcase #segadores-y-soldados #thank you all for your support! #you guys are amazing #<3

[kalelblogdanove]

What It Takes To Be A Voice Actor REDUX

In 2015 I wrote a blog about what it takes to be a successful voice actor. I have since come to feel that I was perhaps a little too discouraging in tone. There are plenty of voices in the world to say “no” to your dreams. I don’t wish to be one of them. So here is my previous article on the matter, re-released and annotated to reflect my current thinking.

Old essay in plain text or bold. New thoughts struck throughstruck through and replaced with italics.

 I’m going to offer two kinds of advice. First I will touch on passion, work ethic and other similarly rarefied intangibles—the habits and the mentality required to succeed. Only then will I move on to some nuts-and-bolts advice—the stuff you can take to the bank… or the booth, as the case may be.

A few caveats:

I am not a voice actor.

I have directed many wonderful voice actors. I know a lot about what “the biz” is looking for, and I know what I myself am looking for in a good voice actor. But I have done very little professional acting.

This is art, not science.

This is an art form, and like any art form it is squishy. There are no hard-and-fast rules, just guidelines, and the guidelines are riddled with exceptions. Like…keeping your eyes open is a basic rule of effective stand-up comedy, right? Well, tell that to Gilbert Gottfried or Mitch Hedburg. The same goes for VO—a certain amount of wiggle room is inherent.

Some people might disagree with me.

That’s okay! My opinion is subjective, and the industry is always in flux. There are lots of different opinions out there, and if you are a professional and you have one, please send it to me so I can make it available here, and incorporate it into my own understanding.

There is no magic bullet.

It is not a 1+1=you’rethenextNolanNorth scenario. You can follow all these guidelines and still find yourself working at The Cheesecake Factory for years. There is no shame in that. A big ingredient to success is luck. The other major ingredient is persistence and that brings me to…

Part 1: This Is A Very Hard Job To Get

Before you decide to become a voice actor it is essential that you have an understanding of what it will take to break in.

You must love it enough to spend as many as five years breaking in, working other jobs, spending money on classes and demos, and being relentlessly hardworking and self-improving, without landing a single gig. Some people waltz right in. Others have to batter down brick walls. You must be prepared to do the latter. If you are not, do yourself a favor and pick a different career.

Kal 2017: Actually, try this career. ALWAYS try to follow your dreams. You and you alone will know if you’ve had enough and want to do something else. Might take a month, might take five years, might be never. Pick the career you love, don’t let anyone tell you not to.

Let’s revisit those words “relentlessly hardworking and self-improving.”

Throughout your career, but particularly when you are breaking in, you will be competing against the very best actors in the world. You might be talented to begin with, but that is not enough. You MUST MUST MUST push yourself to be better, ALWAYS. I guarantee that your competition will.

Kal 2017: This remains true, but I temper it by saying do not worry if you are not the best to start with. Skills can be built over time. The most important thing is that you have a fun and happy life doing something you enjoy. You can actually hear the sound of stress in a performance, and it’s not a good sound. Try to relax and have fun!

This means acknowledging early-on that you always have something to learn, and then being proactive about learning it. Read books, and take classes.

TAKE CLASSES!

Take voice acting classes, take stage acting classes, take directing classes, take breath work, take improv, take puppetry, take singing lessons. If you can, take an animation class or two. Since you’re going into audio, you might try to learn a bit about audio engineering/editing.

Kal 2017: Side note on this last idea. It is a great idea, if you are moving to Hollywood to do something fun and crazy, to pick up a production/postproduction skill like film/video editing, audio engineering/mixing/mastering, AfterEffects/graphics etc. These disciplines are a great and generally flexibly scheduled way to make a good living while you try to break into the job you’re passionate about.

Why? Because people love to shoot and record, but hate to edit/do post. Post work is an art, but it is also a trade, like plumbing—labor that HAS to get done before anything can be released. If you can get good and fast at this, and you don’t mind spending hours working on reality TV, web content, and infomercials, you can make some sweet bank. You’ll often be your own boss, and even when you’re not, postproduction people tend to be the most chill. Plus you’ll likely make some great contacts within your chosen field as well.

For instance, you can work at a recording studio, and meet voice actors, directors, and producers who have already broken in. If you do an awesome job with a good attitude, and help them be successful in their endeavors, they will be predisposed to say “yes” down the road when you ask for that audition, that recommendation to an agent, that free coaching session.

Believe me, anything and everything related to performance or art will be valuable, even if it is not VO-based.

I want to give a particular shout out to Shakespearean acting techniques, particularly those pioneered by Kristen Linklater. Almost all the best actors I have known have a serious grounding in that material.

Kal 2017: This is a great time to recommend some LA coaches who are awesome. I really like:

Bill Holmes @vodoctor

Andrea Romano

Kalmenson & Kalmenson @kalmenson

The Voice Actor’s Network with Hope Levy @hopelevysings

JB Blanc @thejbblanc  — Side note about this one. In addition to being a fantabulous actor, director, and coach, JB is also one of the leading experts on dialects. If you are international and looking to lose your accent, JB is the guy. If you are looking to acquire an accent for a role, JB is the guy.

And of course, me @kalelbogdanove

I’ll try to update with some reliable classes/coaches in other cities.

Also, remember to take movement classes like dance or martial arts. I know it sounds odd, since you will not be physically seen by anyone, but having an understanding of your body’s kinesthetics will improve your work.

Brian T. Delaney (Male Soul Survivor in Fallout 4) isn’t just one of the most physical voice actors I know, he is one of the most physical actors I know, full-stop. This does two things for him. First, it gives him technical control in the booth—he almost never goes off-mic, or hits the stand, or rustles his clothing (which is astonishing, given how much he moves around). Second, it invests all his game work with a sense of space and a sense of place—a layer and texture of reality that could not sound less like a guy reading a line—and his combat work in particular with a breathtaking degree of authenticity.

In short… learn how to move.

“BUT I’M ALREADY AWESOME,” you say.

Or, “I’ve already done a little voice work,” or some other excuse. Doesn’t matter. All the best working voice actors take classes constantly. They do not rest on their laurels. The best directors take classes too, including me. (He said with pompous implications.)

If you can’t afford classes, form a group of like-minded actors and practice together regularly. Watch videos on YouTube. Make your continuing education a priority.

The great thing is, these classes are FUN! You’ll meet like-minded artists! You’ll make great projects! You’ll feel impressive and confident as your abilities grow and grow!  Hell, you might get laid.

The point is that while the waiting and the day jobs are can be grueling, the work itself is fun. And if you don’t find it fun… do yourself a favor and pick a different career.

Kal 2017: Again, you’ll know. It’s okay to have a bad class/day/week/month. Stick to it! You can do it! Remain open and willing to grow, and you will likely succeed.

Part 2: This Is A Very Hard Job To Do

Voice over looks easy but it is VERY DIFFICULT—particularly in games. Take a moment and go on a journey of imagination with me:

Imagine four hours at a time in a booth that is as silent as The Surface of The Moon, unless the director has the talk-back open.

Imagine making seventy major emotional adjustments an hour. (By contrast, on-camera actors make between 2 and 10 per DAY.)

Imagine formulating a performance, delivering it, absorbing a note, reformulating, and redelivering in as little as 30 seconds.

Now imagine doing that 300-600 times in four hours.

This can be extremely tough. You must be able to clear as many as 150 lines an hour, with an average of 70. (Animation is closer to 20-30.) You must be a MUTHAFUCKIN’ BAWSE at cold-reading. (Better always to give a strong-but-wrong take right off the bat, than fiddle-fart around with broken half-takes.)

And line 600 has to be as strong and fresh as line 001.

Do not confuse fun and easy. This is a very fun job when it’s done right. It is ALWAYS very hard work. And if you’re not ready for hard work… do I have to say it again? You’re smart. I don’t. You get the idea.

Kal 2017: I really don’t. Even at its most difficult this is a pretty great job, one of the few remaining that is protected by a strong union. It is hard, but it is also a blast.

Part 3: A Great Voice Actor

I’ll keep this straightforward. A great voice actor is…

Punctual. Be on time. On time means 5-10 minutes early.

Friendly, but not unctuous. Don’t be a sourpuss, don’t climb in anyone’s lap.

Patient. Sometimes (rarely) writers and clients and producers will test your patience, or act outright rude. Try to be Zen. A good director will shield you from as much of this as possible.

CONFIDENT. I’m gonna repeat this—

CONFIDENT! Always give me a strong-but-wrong choice instead of a     hesitant garble. I cannot stress this enough. If you are second-guessing yourself, you are wasting everyone’s time undercutting your talent and hard work. Be kind to yourself by standing by your ability, and let the     director tell you if we need to adjust the performance.

A great listener. Redirect is gonna come at you thick and fast and you will have to pay close attention!

Dedicated. You may work on some dumb projects in your life. Doesn’t matter. You give every single stupid burger commercial your all. It is your job. Do not phone it in. Do not EVER EVER EVER show up drunk, high, or bored.

A strong reader. No two ways around this one. You have to pick stuff up off the page very rapidly. Kal 2017: Yes, okay, but also don’t be afraid to ask for the script in advance. Some won’t be willing to share it, but many simply assume you do not want it ahead of time. (Many voice actors don’t.) In that case they will be overjoyed to share it so you can rehearse. It never hurts to ask.

Not afraid to ask questions. If you don’t understand a line, or a piece of direction, just ASK ME ABOUT IT. Kal 2017: Please do this. Don’t be shy. We’re here to help YOU, so you can please THE CLIENT, which in turn makes US look good.

Excited to collaborate. You should bring ideas to the material. You should also be willing to totally chuck them and try something new in the spirit of exploration, even if you think it’s gonna be garbage.

Resilient. If you fuck up, just do another one. :) Kal 2017: This is related to confident. It’s okay to mess up. All the pros do. Don’t be embarrassed. Try not to get in your head. Just climb back on that horse.

Part 4: Upsides

There are a lot of upsides. As I said, it can be very fun work. More importantly, it can be very creatively satisfying.

It also pays well. Voice actors are one of the few lucky groups of American workers still protected by a strong union. Union minimums are in the ballpark of $800.00 for a four hour session. Voice actors work like Russian plow-horses, but thanks to SAG/AFTRA they are adequately recompensed for it.

Finally, voice acting is the one realm of acting where your age and your looks do not factor in too heavily. You can break into it fairly late in life, unlike on-camera acting where you essentially reach your expiration date at 30. Steve Blum, who is currently the toast of the VO town (you probably know him as Zeb Orelios in Star Wars Rebels or as Wolverine in just about everything) didn’t really get going in mainstream animation and games until middle age. He is not unique in that respect. It is never too late.

And, you can do it until you literally croak.

Part 5: Reel Etc.

So let’s say I haven’t scared you off. Let’s say you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no other job on earth that will satisfy you, and you are willing to walk barefoot across hot glass and mixed metaphors to be a voice actor.

What now?

Well, if you have been working very hard, and taking your classes and all that stuff I just spent an hour flapping my Tumblrgums about, then you might be ready to record a reel.

A reel is a short audio sample that showcases your best abilities and your best work.

Generally speaking most pro VO actors have:

An animation reel

A videogame reel

A commercial reel

Three separate reels with different material on them. If creature sounds are something they do, they might also also have a fourth creature noise reel.

A basic videogame reel should include:

The Leader—think Captain America, Superman, Princess Leia, Katniss Everdeen, and Jennifer Hale’s incomparable Fem Shep

The Rogue—think Han Solo, Black Widow, Tony Stark, Catwoman, and Marion Ravonwood

The Pale Rider—think Clint Eastwood, Batman, Ellen Ripley, Sarah Conner, Trinity

The weak protagonist — this is, like, an affable scientist with no combat skills — someone who could be endangered.

Strong crazy — this can range from a sinister psycho like The Joker, to a likeable loon like Crazy-Eyes — the key is unhinged/unpredictable.

Weak crazy — the person who saw their whole crew torn apart by demons and is a basket case — edge of sanity.

Strong antagonist sinister, rational — like Voldemort.

Strong antagonist tough, rational — more of a bully in a barfight, a “the fuck you lookin’ at?” kind.

Antagonist crazy/desperate — there’s some overlap here with the weak protag so be sure to differentiate them, or just do one or the other.

Add to this any accents you do REALLY well. Like, indistinguishable from the real thing. Not a Groundskeeper Willy Scottish accent — that belongs on an animation reel — just absolute realism. If you can’t nail these then leave ‘em out!

An animation reel is more of a laundry list of different character voices and characters you can do. The key is total consistency. Don’t add a voice or speech impediment or texture you can’t maintain for four hours at a time.

Commercial reels can play to your strengths type-wise but there’s a few standbys you hear all the time:

If you’re a dude, commercial requires (amongst other clichés)

smooth ad dude (introducing the all new Lexus Privilege RX with comfort ride technology)

excited ad dude (a triple-pounder, large fry and fountain drink for just 3.99? I’m lovin’ it!)

and befuddled husband/boyfriend/father (Honey? What’s this 'Greek yog hurt’? What happened to the double-choco chip?)

If you’re a dudette, you want

smooth ad dudette (again the Lexus)

sexy hamburger subtext (With large fries and gooey, melty cheese. She’s a little too into that sandwich, Man.)

and Motrin Momwife (So you can be the “on the PTA, on the town, side-planking, keeping up with your girlfriends gal” you want to be!)

Kal 2017: There is a recent trend in VO for commercials that I would be remiss if I did not mention. This is the “read that is so laid back and casual it is almost nonexistent.” Millenials know when they’re being solicited, so the ad industry has adopted a—in my opinion comically— disinterested tone. I call it “maybe you’d like a hamburger or whatever, I don’t care”. Here is the most extreme example I am aware of:

Facebook Live "Hidden Talent" from Buck on Vimeo.

It is bizarre from a traditional perspective, and it will go against the grain for anyone who grew up with this:

Nevertheless, it is here, and you should make sure you have it on your reel.

In all your reels:

NO MORE THAN A SENTENCE OR TWO FROM EACH VOICE. Target length of a whole reel should be around 90 SECONDS TOTAL. If they want more than that, they will ask you to record AN AUDITION, which is what you’re hoping they’ll do anyway. Do not go over in length. You will irritate casting directors who have 500 of these to go through. Kal 2017:     TRY not to go over in length, by more than one voice.😁

ONLY YOUR VERY BEST STUFF. When in doubt, leave it out. There are some actors in this business who can do a million voices, there are some who do JUST ONE THING THE BEST. Both kinds work. Better to kill it with three voices than to give them a reason NOT to hire you.

A GOOD MIX ON A GOOD MIC. You will probably have to go to a studio to record your reel. If you do, I recommend getting a voice director to work with you while you’re at it. This will cost money, but it is an investment. If you are the rare and enterprising voice actor who has a ton of equipment and is a sound engineer too, you might be able to do it yourself. Do not go too cheap on this, though. You don’t want great performance undercut by a bad mix.

One final thought:

MOVE TO LOS ANGELES. There is only one place to be if you are a serious professional in this business, and that is L.A. It is the biggest market, and the center of the industry. You might land a couple of radio spots living in East Anywhere, but you are not going to break into the industry proper.

That does not mean that you can’t TRAIN in other, cheaper places. But when you are ready to work, you come to L.A.

No, Austin and San Francisco aren’t just as good. No, your stage work in New York doesn’t count for anything out here. I wish it did, but it doesn’t.

The five year break-in period doesn’t begin until you live here. Sorry folks!

Part 6: Wrap-up

I’m sure I’ve forgotten a few things here, and I’ll try to fill in the gaps as they occur to me. Please feel free to tweet at me with any questions: @kalelbogdanove

In summary: if you LOVE voice acting, and you can’t imagine doing anything else on Earth, and you are willing to work your butt off to improve, AND you are willing to keep at it for YEARS… then go for it! I’ll see you in the booth.

Kal 2017: Or if you love it and you are willing to give it a whirl and follow your dreams. Always, always follow your dreams. (Just work hard at them, too.)

-Kal-El

P.S. — for a smart (and much shorter) perspective on this subject from an actual actor, you might try reading this Facebook post by industry luminary Tara Strong:

https://www.facebook.com/tara.strong.514/posts/10155956807350494

[infjwinchester44]

Secret Love

Summary: Reader becomes part of the team on The Waverider and has a secret relationship with Leonard Snart which is revealed after she is kidnapped on a mission. 

Pairing: Leonard Snart x Reader

Word Count: 1,403

Warnings: None I believe (maybe a few swears)

A/N: This is my first ever fan fiction, so I am a bit nervous about it but please send me feed back! Thank you for reading! :)

Becoming a part of the team on The Waverider scared you. You had just learned about your powers and were still learning how to use them. You found out that you had the power to read auras and apparently Captain Rip Hunter thought that would be helpful on his mission. Other than the fact that you had never been on a mission before, you were afraid because you were going on this mission with two known criminals, an assassin, two men that could combine into a burning man, two people that were basically hawk gods, and a man from 150 years in the future. The only person that didn’t freak you out was Ray so you tried to stay near him until you realized how excited he was about this mission. He wasn’t helping your anxiety with all of his talk about saving the world and becoming a legend.

It came as a big surprise when Leonard Snart a.k.a. Captain Cold, a wanted criminal came over to talk to you after everyone else had left. You had been standing there basically in shock when the others has left.

“What’s going through that pretty little head of yours, sweetheart?” he smirked.

“Well there is the fact that I am just a therapist who happened to get these powers after the particle accelerator exploded and now I’m apparently supposed to become part of a superhero team that is trying to save the world. It’s a bit much to take in.” you rambled.

Leonard laughed “Well how about we start with getting you off this roof top?”

Leonard walked you home that night making sure that you got to your apartment safe and ever since then he always seem to be close by. Whenever you needed to talk because you were overwhelmed he was there and it made it easier to adjust to being part of the team. After missions you would find things like chocolate or a flower on your bed. Leonard knew that the missions exhausted you both physically and mentally and he always did something to brighten your day.

The rest of your team didn’t seem to see that you and Leonard were getting closer. Especially since Sara and Kendra kept trying to get you to date Ray. They thought you would make a cute couple since the two of you were such kind and caring people. You would just nod your head and smile whenever they would bring it up but in your head all you could think about was Leonard.

One night you were sitting in your bedroom reading a book when Leonard knocked on your door.

“I have something I want to give to you.” He said handing you a small box.

You gave him a slightly suspicious look, wondering if he had stolen something for you again but not wanting to actually ask him.

“Don’t worry I didn’t steal it, I am a man of my word.” He said smiling at you.

You opened the box and it held a beautiful white gold necklace with a small diamond pendant.

“This is beautiful Lenny!” you gasped

Leonard sat down next to you and placed the necklace around your neck.

“It belonged to my mother. It was the only thing I kept from my childhood. In all honestly because I thought I could pawn it off, but I just couldn’t part with it.” He explained.

You leaned into his chest and looked up at him. You had never seen such a serious and hopeful look on his face before.

“I love it Leonard, thank you so much!” you said softly, praying that this meant what you thought it did.

He leaned closer to you, looking you in the eyes as if to ask permission before he kissed you. The kiss was soft at first but when you started to kiss him back, he placed his hand on your cheek and kissed you deeper.

That had been 3 months ago. You both decided to keep your relationship a secret. Leonard said it was “None of anyone’s damn business.” And you didn’t feel like listening to the girls tell you all the reasons they thought you would be better with Ray.  You also thought that it was pretty exciting to have a secret relationship.  Leonard would find you walking down an empty hallway, push you up against the wall and you would amazing makeout sessions. Other times you would slip him a note telling him to meet you in your room. You loved hiding around the corner and listening to the excuses that he made up because most of the time they would be ridiculous but no one ever noticed.

Usually Rip would let you stay on the ship unless the whole team was going on the mission. He knew that you hated fighting and were not very good at lying. Leonard had taught you had to use his cold gun as well as normal guns and Sara had taught you how to fight but you hated doing it. So, it surprised you when Rip asked you to come on a mission with him, Ray, Kendra, and Jax.  The mission was going fine until one of Savage’s soldiers came out of nowhere and punched Ray in the face. You had been trailing behind the others because Rip only really needed you at certain points and you didn’t want to get in the way. Unfortunately that left you open for one of the soldier to grab you from behind, covering your mouth before you could even scream and you felt yourself passing out.

When you woke up you were in an empty room. You felt very groggy from the drugs but you forced yourself to stand up and look around. There was nothing in the room except a chair and some trash. You went over to the door and it was unlocked, so you slowly opened it, hoping that there was no one outside. Unfortunately there was a guard who started to come towards you and you silently thanked Sara for teaching you how to fight. As much as you hated violence you knew that sometimes it was necessary.  He got a few hits in but you were able to hold him off long enough to grab a pipe to hit him over the head with. Once he was knocked out you took his gun and keys, then headed towards the door. You could hear Savage talking to guards down the hall so you moved as quickly and as silently as you could. You were about to go over and figure out which car the keys belonged to when you realized it would probably be safer not to since turning on the car would draw attention to you. So, you headed towards the woods in the direction of where The Waverider was.

Back on The Waverider everyone was fighting. They let the rest of the team know that they had lost you and Leonard was pissed.

“I don’t care what the hell you have to say Rip! I am going to go get her, if anyone wants to join me go right ahead.” Leonard yelled grabbing his Cold Gun. Mick following behind him.

“Snart I really advise against that. It is fair to dangerous right now!” Rip yelled back

“Do I look like I care?” Leonard snapped.

You walked into the room as Leonard and Mick turned to walk out. As soon as he saw you his eyes widened and he rushed over to you. He looked you up and down checking for injuries, briefly pausing at the bruise on your jaw, then he pulled you to him. His lips connected with yours instantly. You could feel all his tension melting away and as he pulled back you could see the relief in his eyes.

“I love you so damn much Y/N, don’t ever do that to me again!”

You were about to respond when you were interrupted by the team.

“Uh someone want to fill us in?” Sara said

“Yeah are you two together and how long has this been going on?” Jax asked

The rest of the group stared at you with shocked expressions (except Mick, you knew Leonard had already told him). You looked over at Leonard and he winked at you.

“None of your damn business.” He smirked putting his arm around your shoulder and pulled you towards your room.

#Leonard Snart x Reader #Leonard Snart #Legends of Tomorrow #Leonard Snart Image #Leonard Snart Reader #Legends of Tomorrow Image #Captain Cold Image #Captain Cold x Reader #Snart x Reader #LOT #Leonard Snart/Reader

[gabrieljarvis1992]

How To Grow Taller In A Day Naturally Astounding Diy Ideas

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#How To Grow Taller In A Day Naturally Astounding Diy Ideas #Can I Increase My Ceiling Height

[gordonwilliamsweb]

‘Everything was kind of junk’

Jim Brooks arrives at the fitness club at about 10 a.m. every weekday.

He runs 20 to 35 miles each week.

Weekends are to recover and rebuild.

The Zeeland, Michigan, resident chooses a treadmill from among the 46 inside. The machines are identically purple and black, in two rows. Wall-mounted flat screens offer a diversion beyond the panel displaying speed, incline, heart rate, calorie and other indicators.

Sometimes during his workout, someone will approach him.

That didn’t used to happen as much.

“When I go to the gym, it’s kind of sad,” said Jim, 40. “The people who wouldn’t talk to me before—the prettier people—all seem to talk to me because I look better. I feel better.”

Losing nearly 120 pounds will do that, he figures.

His wife, Christine, knows how he feels.

She dropped 113 pounds.

Jim and Christine are part of a larger-than-you-might-think subgroup of weight-loss patients—couples who both undergo bariatric surgery.

For those who have more to lose than just weight, the procedure can be as life-changing as it is lifesaving.

Accountability partners

Jim and Christine both chose sleeve gastrectomies, which has become the No. 1 choice of patients and providers.

The procedure accounted for less than 20% of gastric surgeries at the beginning of this decade. They now total about 60% of bariatric surgeries nationally, often done with minimally invasive laparoscopy.

More than 95% of the procedures by Spectrum Health bariatric surgeons are done with flexible video equipment using small incisions and smaller tools. The previously dominant procedures, such as banding and the “gold standard” Roux-en-Y bypass, have been eclipsed dramatically.

Jon Schram, MD, of Spectrum Health bariatrics, performed the sleeve procedure on Christine in 2014 and on Jim in 2018.

“It’s very common, in the 20% range, for a husband and wife team to be doing it separated by a few years,” Dr. Schram said.

Fewer than 2% undergo the procedure at the same time, he said.

That’s a benefit, Dr. Schram believes. Those who’ve witnessed success in their partners are better prepared. They understand more than most what to expect. They draw inspiration from each other.

“They’re called accountability partners,” Dr. Schram said. “They get a little bit into a competition. It’s harder for them to get off the rails.”

Christine, 48, remembers a stretch where her husband’s weight seemed to fall away. Hers, not so much.

“I got a little bit jealous—and motivated—probably because it was so much easier for him to lose weight,” Christine said.

Her tone suggests the envy still surprises her.

“I didn’t have the mental breakthrough like Jim did,” she said. “Mine took a little longer.

“He really encouraged me, especially when he sensed that I was struggling. That’s the key—and communication. I know several couples who have had the surgery and ended up splitting up.”

When it comes to relationships, it’s complicated.

In one post-operative study, couples attributed their success to the joint effort.

“The impact of having a life partner and friend undergo a similar life-changing operation deserves further attention,” the authors noted.

A large Swedish study also found most partners report their relationships stay steady or get better. Improved eating habits, physical and emotional health, and intimacy are common experiences. (The research included all couples where at least one partner had weight-loss surgery.)

The study also found breakups were more common than in a comparison group without surgeries.

That’s not always a negative.

As some patients gain self-esteem and reorient their lifestyles, they may leave unhealthy relationships. Other times, the study found, the increased stress can prove too much for “already vulnerable relationships.”

Teamwork

Dr. Schram is part of a larger team.

Nurses, dietitians, behaviorists, exercise specialists and others provide support.

“We have three psychologists,” he said.

Patients are prepared, mentally and physically. They often first must lose a portion of the weight on their own. The experience preps them for surgery. Moreover, it readies them for the lifestyle changes the surgery requires.

When Christine underwent the surgery, she knew it had come time.

Both sides of her family had a history of strokes. One grandmother died in her early 40s.

“I was following right in her footsteps, unhealthy, overweight, the medications weren’t quite working right,” Christine said.

A physician assistant mentioned surgery.

“With my depression and being overweight, if that was an option … I started to look into it. I was really skeptical,” Christine said.

She dropped 41 pounds prepping for surgery, then another 77 to date. She weighs 150 pounds. Her maintenance goal is 145.

While on her journey, Christine watched her husband struggle with life events and extra weight.

The death of both parents within eight months hit especially hard.

Diabetes had taken his father. Cancer took his mother.

Jim was close to his mom and wanted to be with her as her health declined, Christine recalled.

“There were six, sometimes eight hours, in chemotherapy,” she said. “That’s a long time to sit there and, well, there’s a Wendy’s right next door.”

“Everything was kind of junk,” Jim said.

Depression kicked in. He noticed his kids doing some of the same things he’d done.

Jim and Christine’s blended family includes five children, three from previous marriages and one together, and also Jim’s niece. Christine’s two daughters are 25 and 22. Jim’s daughter is 18. Their daughter is 15 and his niece is 12.

Jim weighed more than 300 pounds before his surgery in September 2018.

His goal now is 190. He’s typically been about 1 pound away, but recently he hit 195.

“The holidays killed me,” he said, laughing.

Jim no longer desires some foods. Red meat, for example.

“Hamburger, steak—I can’t handle them anymore,” he said. “I get sick.”

For Christine, it’s the same with heavier creams and cheeses.

Workouts are now a weekday routine for Jim, a broker for a company that provides trucks for manufacturers. His preference for listening to dubstep on the treadmill says a lot about his commitment.

“It makes you go faster,” he laughed.

But both Jim and Christine stress theirs is a new lifestyle, not a quick fix.

Two or three trips to the buffet are no longer an option. Smaller stomachs require smaller portions. Exercise is key. So is the long view.

And for that, they have each other.

‘Everything was kind of junk’ published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

[michellelinkous]

‘Everything was kind of junk’

Jim Brooks arrives at the fitness club at about 10 a.m. every weekday.

He runs 20 to 35 miles each week.

Weekends are to recover and rebuild.

The Zeeland, Michigan, resident chooses a treadmill from among the 46 inside. The machines are identically purple and black, in two rows. Wall-mounted flat screens offer a diversion beyond the panel displaying speed, incline, heart rate, calorie and other indicators.

Sometimes during his workout, someone will approach him.

That didn’t used to happen as much.

“When I go to the gym, it’s kind of sad,” said Jim, 40. “The people who wouldn’t talk to me before—the prettier people—all seem to talk to me because I look better. I feel better.”

Losing nearly 120 pounds will do that, he figures.

His wife, Christine, knows how he feels.

She dropped 113 pounds.

Jim and Christine are part of a larger-than-you-might-think subgroup of weight-loss patients—couples who both undergo bariatric surgery.

For those who have more to lose than just weight, the procedure can be as life-changing as it is lifesaving.

Accountability partners

Jim and Christine both chose sleeve gastrectomies, which has become the No. 1 choice of patients and providers.

The procedure accounted for less than 20% of gastric surgeries at the beginning of this decade. They now total about 60% of bariatric surgeries nationally, often done with minimally invasive laparoscopy.

More than 95% of the procedures by Spectrum Health bariatric surgeons are done with flexible video equipment using small incisions and smaller tools. The previously dominant procedures, such as banding and the “gold standard” Roux-en-Y bypass, have been eclipsed dramatically.

Jon Schram, MD, of Spectrum Health bariatrics, performed the sleeve procedure on Christine in 2014 and on Jim in 2018.

“It’s very common, in the 20% range, for a husband and wife team to be doing it separated by a few years,” Dr. Schram said.

Fewer than 2% undergo the procedure at the same time, he said.

That’s a benefit, Dr. Schram believes. Those who’ve witnessed success in their partners are better prepared. They understand more than most what to expect. They draw inspiration from each other.

“They’re called accountability partners,” Dr. Schram said. “They get a little bit into a competition. It’s harder for them to get off the rails.”

Christine, 48, remembers a stretch where her husband’s weight seemed to fall away. Hers, not so much.

“I got a little bit jealous—and motivated—probably because it was so much easier for him to lose weight,” Christine said.

Her tone suggests the envy still surprises her.

“I didn’t have the mental breakthrough like Jim did,” she said. “Mine took a little longer.

“He really encouraged me, especially when he sensed that I was struggling. That’s the key—and communication. I know several couples who have had the surgery and ended up splitting up.”

When it comes to relationships, it’s complicated.

In one post-operative study, couples attributed their success to the joint effort.

“The impact of having a life partner and friend undergo a similar life-changing operation deserves further attention,” the authors noted.

A large Swedish study also found most partners report their relationships stay steady or get better. Improved eating habits, physical and emotional health, and intimacy are common experiences. (The research included all couples where at least one partner had weight-loss surgery.)

The study also found breakups were more common than in a comparison group without surgeries.

That’s not always a negative.

As some patients gain self-esteem and reorient their lifestyles, they may leave unhealthy relationships. Other times, the study found, the increased stress can prove too much for “already vulnerable relationships.”

Teamwork

Dr. Schram is part of a larger team.

Nurses, dietitians, behaviorists, exercise specialists and others provide support.

“We have three psychologists,” he said.

Patients are prepared, mentally and physically. They often first must lose a portion of the weight on their own. The experience preps them for surgery. Moreover, it readies them for the lifestyle changes the surgery requires.

When Christine underwent the surgery, she knew it had come time.

Both sides of her family had a history of strokes. One grandmother died in her early 40s.

“I was following right in her footsteps, unhealthy, overweight, the medications weren’t quite working right,” Christine said.

A physician assistant mentioned surgery.

“With my depression and being overweight, if that was an option … I started to look into it. I was really skeptical,” Christine said.

She dropped 41 pounds prepping for surgery, then another 77 to date. She weighs 150 pounds. Her maintenance goal is 145.

While on her journey, Christine watched her husband struggle with life events and extra weight.

The death of both parents within eight months hit especially hard.

Diabetes had taken his father. Cancer took his mother.

Jim was close to his mom and wanted to be with her as her health declined, Christine recalled.

“There were six, sometimes eight hours, in chemotherapy,” she said. “That’s a long time to sit there and, well, there’s a Wendy’s right next door.”

“Everything was kind of junk,” Jim said.

Depression kicked in. He noticed his kids doing some of the same things he’d done.

Jim and Christine’s blended family includes five children, three from previous marriages and one together, and also Jim’s niece. Christine’s two daughters are 25 and 22. Jim’s daughter is 18. Their daughter is 15 and his niece is 12.

Jim weighed more than 300 pounds before his surgery in September 2018.

His goal now is 190. He’s typically been about 1 pound away, but recently he hit 195.

“The holidays killed me,” he said, laughing.

Jim no longer desires some foods. Red meat, for example.

“Hamburger, steak—I can’t handle them anymore,” he said. “I get sick.”

For Christine, it’s the same with heavier creams and cheeses.

Workouts are now a weekday routine for Jim, a broker for a company that provides trucks for manufacturers. His preference for listening to dubstep on the treadmill says a lot about his commitment.

“It makes you go faster,” he laughed.

But both Jim and Christine stress theirs is a new lifestyle, not a quick fix.

Two or three trips to the buffet are no longer an option. Smaller stomachs require smaller portions. Exercise is key. So is the long view.

And for that, they have each other.

‘Everything was kind of junk’ published first on https://smartdrinkingweb.tumblr.com/

[terabitweb]

Original Post from SC Magazine Author: stephenlawton

The future of SIEM is cloudy, literally and figuratively, as companies strive to keep up with potentially billions of events.

It has become an industry cliché to say that SIEM (security information and event management) is dead. Some SIEM vendors love those pronouncements because it drives wavering customers to make purchases before their SIEM systems of choice disappear. But here is food for thought: What if it is not that SIEM is too slow for the modern enterprise, but rather that today’s modern enterprise has become too slow for the SIEM?

SIEM offerings are not so much a concrete entity as a constantly evolving set of security information and event management elements. The fundamental SIEM problem today is not the belief SIEM is going away, but that far too many enterprises are locked into a legacy mentality, one that, in effect, blocks them from changing security mechanisms fast enough to deal with a changing environment of cloud, mobile, shadow IT, as well as the changing threat where the bad guys are starting to use machine learning (ML) elements of artificial intelligence (AI), too. 

Add to that changes in how companies create their homegrown software using DevSecOps (software development security operations), often referred to, correctly or not, simply as DevOps. So, with that in mind, would one still make the argument SIEM is dead or that it is more important than ever before?

One more consideration: The “death” of SIEM might simply come to pass when all the functionality of the technology is simply renamed something else for marketing purposes to differentiate the next-generation SIEM from legacy products. Sometimes “death” is evolution.

The concerns about SIEM, however, do not end with legacy-weighted-down slowness. A SIEM is not designed to work on its own and it never was. Many experts argue that it needs custom-crafted software from each enterprise to supplement the SIEM, along with a healthy dose of machine learning capabilities — two things that a lot of enterprises have not yet bothered to add.

Billions of events

Also, the number of attacks that a SIEM system has to deal with in the 2018 enterprise is massive and overwhelming. Umesh Yerram is the chief data protection officer at AmerisourceBergen, a $150 billion company ranked twelfth on the 2018 Fortune 500 list. He reports that his SIEM generates more than one billion events a week, a thoroughly unmanageable number. Using machine learning software that sits atop the company’s SIEM, Yerram say that the “more than one billion” number is reduced to “less than a thousand” incidents that ML deems worthy of further investigation. That amount, he notes, is a manageable number for the AmerisourceBergen security team to probe.

Although many have questioned how accurate and precise ML screening is — it typically depends on what the system is programmed to seek — the counter-argument is that there is no viable alternative given the massive number of attacks that are being launched. For better or worse, machine learning is the only option today for whittling down that number materially to something manageable.

This does raise the question of how much IT leaders trust ML and the answer is typically “not that much. But what choice do we have?” he says.

“Having automation making security decisions for you, that is a very hard thing for a lot of large organizations to swallow,” says Sammy Migues, co-founder of BSIMM in Mountain View, Calif. While the company is called BSIMM, the name actually is an acronym for “building security in maturity model.”

Lock-in or replace

Allan Alford, CISO for Mitel, a $1.4 billion telecommunications firm headquartered in Ottawa, agrees. “Yes, [automation] requires more trust in the analytics, but you kind of have to trust it, as you need the fast response capabilities,” he says.

That said, Migues argues, the future will be an IT world filled with far more automation and fewer humans. Security management might have emotional and intellectual qualms about it, but the pragmatics of the growth of attacks — coupled with a serious shortage of appropriately trained and experienced security professionals — will give them little choice, he says.

“The future of SIEM software is tracking every piece of software everywhere, monitoring every connection between every piece of software, helping Ops tell Dev that something is awry, and enabling Sec to make decisions about its small piece of the software pie and react at that cadence,” Migues says.

“Some 90 percent of this will be with bots — no humans in the loop. Without good SIEM-like software, there is no real DevSecOps. Forward thinking DevOps shops are finding ways to fuse the configuration of their orchestration and other continuous delivery tools with intentional tagging and synthesis of SIEM alerts before humans receive them,” he continues. “And, because this information is drawn from delivery and production logs, it reflects actual design rather than the best intentions scrawled on a whiteboard.”

Migues also points out an organizational structure issue can create a SIEM problem. Any technology deeply embedded in the typical Fortune 1000 company — and it is hard to describe a SIEM implementation as anything other than deeply embedded — can take a long time to replace given the massive number of systems it touches and the potential disruption from a major change. That is a form of proprietary lock-in: It is far easier for IT to take update after update and even upgrade after upgrade than to go through the bidding and purchase paperwork — and delays — of purchasing a different SIEM system from a different company.

The idea of doing a major overhaul — a complete rip-and-replace — can strike fear into even the stoutest CISO. Sometimes, however, the stars align and such a major overhaul is appropriate.

Michael Simmons, CISO for $21 billion Southwest Airlines in Dallas, is a bit ambivalent about the SIEM future. “SIEMs still have a place today, but that may dwindle over time,” Simmons says. “They’re not easy to manage. Can they adapt and can their technology capabilities morph [into the future] easily? Will there be disruptive new players who come” and brand their SIEM-efforts something other than SIEM? This concerns Simmons.

The topic of SIEM is close to Simmons’ thinking as his airline just replaced its SIEM with a SIEM that was entirely cloud-based SIEM leveraging infrastructure as a service.

Normally a full replacement of a SIEM would be unthinkable for a system that is integrated into so many parts of a network, but Simmons says it just so happened that an earlier security and IT effort to integrate the prior SIEM never quite worked right. “We never got it effectively implemented so I had a much cleaner rip-and-replace,” Simmons says.

The reason why Simmons did such a radical upgrade is clear. “The magnitude of (security event) numbers is what was forcing the conversation, a rapidly changing and evolving threat landscape,” Simmons says.

Pricing, as always, is another consideration — not necessarily the price itself, but rather the mechanism by which the price is determined.

Alford says that, of the many SIEM products he has worked with — he has held CISO or related security titles with several companies — he has seen only three, distinct SIEM pricing approaches. He identifies them as: the raw size of data gathered and the log size, the IP addresses to be monitored, and the number of sensors and aggregators/processors purchased/deployed.

“Regarding the pricing model question, I don’t really think pricing models per se determine higher or lower cost. It’s been my experience that [sensors and processors are] cheaper overall, but I think that’s because the companies using that model are deliberately pricing under the guys who still do [log size]. So it’s not the model per se,” Alford says.

Regarding the log size and IP addresses options, he says “the migration of applications to Software-as-a-Service (SaaS) and the rigorous purging of legacy systems mean a theoretical reduction in cost of ownership. However, business growth and acquisitions outweigh this. Note that more users equals more traffic equals more logs, even if the total IP address count goes down.

“In reality,” he continues, “regardless of model, you are going up, not down, on usage of your SIEM year over year. And the SOC (security operations center) manager wants more feeds anyway, as the more data points he gets, the more accurate he is.”

Feeding the beast

In general, Alford sees the SIEM battle as being a race against changing threat vectors, network environment changes and matching software capabilities with enterprise needs and wants. And he is not seeing IT typically winning that race. “We’re fighting an uphill battle. The [increasing number of] feeds into the SOC [means that IT is] fighting a signal-to-noise ratio” battle, with signal meaning real security events and noise referring to false positives.

“We’ve hit a plateau and are making no further progress,” Alford says. “If you don’t have UEBA (user and entity behavior analytics) and ML, some shops just hit the wall.”

Alford’s top SIEM concern is that too many companies treat SIEMs as though they were standalone, shrink-wrapped software with no need for customized code while being focused on the user’s specific situations and needs. That is an untenable move.

“You still have to have the care and feeding of your SIEM. Somebody on your team must be dedicated to constantly tweaking your SIEM, training and teaching it and feeding it,” Alford says. “The idea that a SIEM out of the box is sufficient is ludicrous. A SIEM is nothing more than an aggregator and an incomplete aggregator at that. SIEM without automation is incomplete. You have to fine tune what to ignore and what to look for.”

Migues opines that “As we get smarter, we develop different expectations of technology. Soon, the organization’s expectations will have exceeded its grasp. SIEM is in the troth of disillusionment. What we needed and what we wanted could not be met.”

Dennis Chow, the director of penetration testing at KPMG, agrees with Alford. “Everyone keeps claiming SIEM is ‘dead.’ It really isn’t. It’s just evolving. All the new buzzwords like orchestration, IMS (IP Multimedia Subsystem), UBA (user behavioral analytics) and threat intelligence were always supposed to be part of what a true SIEM was. What we saw was first generation vendors doing a [release to manufacturing] and realistically releasing what I deem a half-baked product. The same is true for most of these orchestration and ‘threat intelligence’ tools. SIEM is going to be more of this loose term in the future, like AI is today,” Chow says.

“I’m former military and have had opportunities to observe how three-letter agencies deal with cyberintelligence-related needs,” he continues. “SIEM was supposed to have solid use-case correlation and be complete enough to automate response actions. To be honest, I don’t really call anything a SIEM unless it can also integrate ML functions, post-alert/script execution, and also be able to communicate in standard protocols to other security program components/pieces.”

But Chow is not quite finished. “Don’t forget to include common SSH and SSL termination to decrypt which is mostly encrypted traffic now. If you aren’t decrypting traffic, you’re missing out on so much. To much of the industry’s dismay, first [generation] SIEM is also failing because of a gross lack of talent to properly deploy, tune, and extend their existing tools.”

Customization Challenge

AmerisourceBergen’s Yerram says that customization is desirable, but, depending on the SIEM being used, is not always do-able. “The product are sometimes limited in how much customization you can do,” Yerram says.

Either way, customization takes resources, both for staffing levels and configuring the SIEM. For example, let us assume a SIEM saw a security incident and confirmed, to a limited extent, that it appears to be real, meaningful and dangerous. Once all that happens, it is critical for someone or something to alert all of the key players right away. Has someone alerted the VPN team, the Windows team, or a threat hunter? While appropriate staffing levels are essential simply to support basic SIEM maintenance, the company needs to ensure that it balances funding for maintenance and management with that of improving with providing the requisite staff for all the necessary security teams.

Alford recalls that the earliest days of SIEM marketing suggested that companies could purchase a SIEM and replace some tier-one analysts, a claim that some EUBA vendors are making today. The claims were not true in the past nor are they accurate today, Alford says.

Like everything in IT and security, the cloud is changing many of the rules and the realities. As more data gets poured into the cloud, the type of cloud structure becomes critical, especially for SIEM security issues, Alford says.

“The more you offload to the cloud, the more you offload everything to the cloud, including security awareness,” Alford says. SaaS is especially problematic. With SaaS, “you’re handing over a good bit of trust. What you’re going to be able to monitor are the ins and outs. You’ll have no visibility inside,” Alford says, adding that it is essential to structure cloud deals that allow for users to have full visibility — and even better control — over all elements of the cloud infrastructure.

Mitch Thomas, CSO for Birmingham, Ala-based Encompass Health, a $3.9 billion healthcare company, agrees that SIEM should automate the analysts’ works. “SIEM platforms should automate the work of tier one analysts to allow teams to focus on the tier two and tier three work of threat hunting, incident response, closing the OODA loop faster, which also helps with the skills shortage problem,” he opines. (The OODA loop — observe, orient, decide, and act — was developed by the US military for combat operations processes.)

KPMG’s Chow also expresses concerns about the cloud and security. “Cloud testing is a pain…. There’s so much complexity and you have to test all of these components,” Chow says, adding that CISOs must deal with “all of this stuff that is proprietary to that cloud.”

Chow agrees with Alford that an agreement, including architectural access and control, is critical. “You need to have an architectural use case of the cloud to know what you’re doing. The cloud has limitations on how you manage it. You don’t have the rights like you do with on-prem.”

Trillions of lines of code

Still, cloud is not going to be easy to avoid. Swapnil Deshmukh, the security evangelist leading DevSecOps at Visa in Foster City, Calif., says that because of the nature of the Visa network and the fact that it transfers money around the planet, it gets attacked continually. He estimates that the Visa SIEM sees 115 million events per second “and those are staggering numbers. We have an explosion of data.”

(Due to the payments nature of its business, Deshmukh notes, Visa defines events much more broadly than many other companies. For Visa, an event is any transaction anywhere in the world. That is because it must analyze every transaction to see if there are any red flags. Others view an event as a security event and each event already reflects some pattern deviation worthy of further exploration.)

That explosion of events is especially true for a company like Visa that is so heavily regulated, Deshmukh says. “You need to store this data somewhere, which adds to the hardware costs” so that necessitates employing the cloud, he says. “With these trillions of lines of code, how do you identify if there is any personally identifiable data?” he asks. That forces an awful lot of data sanitization.

“These events are growing exponentially, due to programmable infrastructure and hyperconnected workplace and user can now access sensitive information from mobile phone, from software-defined WANs or even on various cloud offerings,” Deshmukh says. “This explosion of event logging is causing scalability issue for many SIEM storage. In near future, SIEM must solve the scalability problem.

“Currently, organizations with deeper pockets are solving this problem by adding expensive infrastructure to SIEM storage or leveraging cloud storage options such as Amazon S3 buckets or Google cloud storage,” he continues. “As these events are sensitive in nature, organizations storing information on cloud might have to jump additional hops of managing keys that tokenize these events. From budgeting standpoint, adding storage to support SIEM may add huge overhead and in many cases it can be a deal breaker for organizations with limited budget.”

The cost of SIEM support is not limited only to small or mid-size businesses with shallow pockets. Thompson says that his team is also seeing “an exponential growth of data collection and I can’t keep pace with that from a cost standpoint.”

Responding to every SIEM alert can be daunting if filters to weed out false positives are not in place. “Every alarm, every indicator is some kind of event. How can you manage all of that?” Thomas says rhetorically.

Although some enterprises have worked with AI’s machine learning, such as AmerisourceBergen, Deshmukh says Visa hasn’t and he blames the extensive use of proprietary code used by many SIEM vendors, including the one that Visa uses. “The vendors have it in a proprietary format. Because of that, we can’t create our own models, due to the vendor’s lock-in. The proprietary format makes ML nonviable right now. That’s the reason why the adoption of machine learning in SIEM is not there yet,” Deshmukh says.

Unstructured data

Another SIEM concern that several experts touched on were challenges inherent in scanning unstructured data such as images and video.

Deshmukh says Visa does not look currently at unstructured data because, in his view, Visa’s SIEM “can’t make any sense of it” giving it “very limited visibility” into a place where cyberthieves can try and hide malware. But he expects that to change in the next few years. “In the future, we expect new techniques to convert unstructured data into structured. At this point in time, we don’t have those techniques.”

Migues agrees and he adds that even email can be baffling for analytics. “Understanding context from unstructured data is really, really hard,” Migues says. A big part of the problem is that, with unstructured data, so many enterprises, as well as vendors, use different terminology and structure to achieve similar results. “Different companies use different words, different ways,” he says.

For example, an email might include the words “Employee Salaries. Do Not Release” but it “doesn’t necessarily mean that it really has employee salaries,” Migues says.

Ray McKenzie, the founder and managing director for Red Beach Advisors, agrees that unstructured data is a problem, but argues that some vendors have addressed it quietly — too quietly.

“SIEMs are behind the curve, for the most part, in terms of dealing with unstructured data. You always have to add packages or add content. The SIEMs don’t recognize it upfront” and out-of-the-box, McKenzie says. “Vendors and CISOs are not talking about the unstructured data problem. Threats are a much easier discussion.”

But McKenzie maintains that he knows of some unspecified SIEM vendors who have mastered the unstructured data problem, but they are not marketing that fact. “Unstructured data is still a problem. The people who have solutions to the problem haven’t promoted it. There are platforms that can (handle unstructured data) today.”

AmerisourceBergan’s Yerram disagrees with McKenzie, at least as it impacts the major SIEM players. “No, the leading products out there — as identified [by the major analyst firms] — cannot handle unstructured data,” Yerram says.

Yerram has other practical concerns about SIEM usage. “Correlating the information and triaging takes a long time right now. I want one single pane of glass,” Yerram says, referring to one screen to handle all needed activity, rather than “having to go to multiple different consoles” so that his team can have “integration with multiple different intelligence sources. I don’t believe that a lot of the traditional SIEM devices do that. It doesn’t happen in a single screen.”

Yerram offered an example of the SIEM detecting suspicious activity on an IP address. “To look up who owns that address, I have to go to multiple different sources [on different screens] to collect that information,” Yerram says.

Machine learning analysis can be used to recommend actions by the security staff or the ML can be instructed to take specific actions automatically when it encounters certain conditions. Yerram says his team does a little ML automation, but they are being cautious.

ML automation “is a good idea once you teach the system the right things” to justify an automatic reaction, Yerram says. “Our automation is limited right now. We are still taking our time to make sure that we are getting it right. There can be significant impact on the brand [due to the automatic ML action] causing an outage of some fashion. It comes down to what you teach and what the comfort level is.”

So what is the future of SIEM? That can be difficult to determine, short of assuming increased integration with AI and machine learning. As noted, the next generation of SIEM might distinguish itself by not even using the term “SIEM.” Whatever the future of SIEM will be, it is a given that it will still be big, complex, embedded into every corner of the network, and more than likely, still expensive. What it likely will not be is plug-and-play.

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Go to Source Author: stephenlawton SIEMple evolution: The future for a cloud-based SIEM Original Post from SC Magazine Author: stephenlawton The future of SIEM is cloudy, literally and figuratively, as companies strive to keep up with potentially billions of events.

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Great Gifts for Boys Ages 5-8

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Are you looking for a great birthday or holiday gift for boys around the age of five to eight years old? Do you have a nephew or little boy turning 5-8 years old soon? Are you having trouble figuring out what to get for him?

Whether it’s for her birthday, special event, or holiday, there are certain gifts that are always a winner amongst this age group of boys.

As a babysitter for two boys in this age group and my nephew Jayden, who’s now 6 years old, I can say with most certainty that these toys are all winners with this age group.

As a woman, it’s a little hard to tune into the little boy mentality. However, if you just step back and watch how boys play, it’s easier to get a feel for what they might like. Boys like physical and interactive things.

In general, boys love things with moving parts, where you can see physical reactions and get results.

By five years old they’ve grown out of their preschool toys, and now they’re ready for big boy toys. They still want to play, but not with anything that they deem to be “baby” toys. It doesn’t mean that they don’t want to play with toy cars and balls, but they don’t want toys that light up and make noises like the ones for toddlers.

Legos are great, but what else is out there??

So what do you buy for your boy who’s now turned into a big boy overnight? Here’s the list of toys that I’ve gotten for boys ages 5-8 years old that are played with regularly.

Here’s a list of Jayden’s Favorite Toys!

Pokemon Cards

Have you heard of Pokemon? These are trading cards that are used to “battle” your opponent. It’s almost like playing the traditional card game of War combined with fantasy sports.

Some kids want the cards just to collect them and others want to learn to play the game. I learned the best way to play the game with them is to allow them to teach you.

Though it’s not necessary for you to play Pokemon with the kids, it’s a good bonding opportunity for you both. It shows them that you have an interest in their life. Taking time out to learn something new with them is a great way to show your love and affection.

If you want to brush up on your Pokemon skills, here’s a helpful resource.

You get 100 cards in this set plus 7 foil cards. You have to have at least 60 to play the game competitively. This is the best option because booster sets cost about $5 each. For the price, it’s worth starting here!

Note that there may be duplicates in this set.

Check them out on Amazon:

Pokemon Cards

Nerf Gun

Nerf guns are either a love or hate it item. I happen to love them, and so do the boys.

You’re not teaching them to hurt other people, you’re allowing them to explore their imagination and learn boundaries. There are certain rules that you can put in place with these guns. Such as, no pointing guns at anyone’s face, when someone says stop, stop, and apologize if you hurt someone. Kids are going to get hurt. It’s part of growing up.

I like this gun because of its size. It’s easily manageable and not too heavy which makes running around with it during a nerf war doable for kids.

Don’t let the size deceive you. This gun packs power! The darts can shoot up to 90 feet!

Comes with 6 Official Nerf Elite darts that are designed for distance, tested and approved for performance and quality, and constructed of foam with flexible, hollow tips

Rotating barrel flips open for easy dart loading and is hand-powered 

No batteries needed!

Both of nephews, Jayden and Julian love their nerf guns. I suggest buying more than one. Even if they don’t have a sibling to play with, you can join in on the fun by being their opponent.

I also recommend to load up on darts! Unfortunately, nerf darts are easy to lose or become damaged over time. 200 is a good point to start with and it’s not going to break the bank.

Check them out on Amazon:

Nerf Gun

Refill darts

Beyblade

No, Beyblades aren’t actual blades!

Beyblades are spinning tops that “break” upon impact.

Beyblade battles take place with two to four players. Each opponent puts their Beyblade on a launcher the ripcord. You then aim them over the Beystadium, and start the Beyblade battle with, “3, 2, 1, Let it Rip!”

The beyblades then spin in the stadium and once they collide, once, twice, or even three times one beyblade will “explode” and break into pieces (they go back together). 

I found that it takes a little practice to get the launching right. It’s a little tricky and I got mine stuck a few times and I even broke a nail. However, it’s a lot of fun and no two battles are ever exactly alike.

It’s a good idea to buy the complete kit with the Beyblades and the stadium (the plastic container). The beys spin rather fast and could cause some minor damage (dents or scratches) to walls if you play with it outside of the beystadium.

Check it out on Amazon:

Beyblade

Grossery Gang

The Grossery Gang is a parody from the Shopkins line.  

The grosseries are collectible figures that are groceries and foods that have gone bad. There are more than 150 Grosseries to collect including Putrid Pizza, Dodgey Donut, Shoccoli, Rotten Egg and more!

You can buy just the figures, which vary by season. The season just means the figures that they have come up with for that period of time. Each new season has different characters with new funny expressions and names.

However, I recommend stepping it up a notch, and getting them two toys in one, which is the Grossery Gang figures and Truck. The kids can launch their grosseries with the built-in spring-loaded catapult.

There’s also fold down doors which can store the collectibles and action figures to go along for a ride or just kept their when they’re not in play.

The truck doesn’t come with many collectible figures, but there are enough to get the party started so to speak.

Though grosseries are pretty soft, I wouldn’t recommend playing with the catapult a room that has anything breakable. It could hit something and make it fall from a shelf.

Check it out on Amazon:

Grossery Gang Truck

Grossery Gang Figures

Hot Wheels Crash Track

My nephew LOVES this toy. It has four intersecting crash zones and a car feeder ramp. So you have multiple cars driving on the tracks at the same time. The total excitement with this toy is you’ll never know if the race will lead to the cars passing each other with near misses or end in a total 4 car pile up.  

4 D batteries required

This toy is a lot of fun to play with, even my niece was interested and she’s more of a doll girl. However there are some things to note before buying.

Customers have complained about the noise level of this toy. When the motor is running, it makes noise, but it’s keeping the kids entertained, so that’s the tradeoff.

Second, you must read the directions while assembling the tracks. It matters and if you don’t put it together correctly, you’ll think the toy is broken when indeed it’s not!

Third, once the toy is put together, it is a little bulky. And if you decided to take it apart and put to back together at a later date (never my thing), make sure you’re careful with the pieces. Replacement parts are not sold sepearately.

Check it out on Amazon:

Hot Wheels Crash Track

Crayola Light-up Tracing Pad 

Art is a favorite pass time in my family. My nephew Jayden loves to draw, color, and craft. It’s not always easy for children to simply see a picture and replicate it, though some can.

We often turn to Arthub on YouTube to draw pictures, but sometimes kids need some independent and screen free time.

This Crayola light up tracing pad is great for kids to be independent and creative and the time.

I have a light board myself, and I use it often especially to perfect any line drawings that I make. It’s so convenient, love it!

This tracing pad kit includes:

Coloring Board

Graphite Pencil (artist’s pencil)

12 Short Colored Pencils

10 Tracing Sheets

10 Blank Sheets

Requires 3 AA batteries (not included)

You don’t have to use the templates included in the box. Kids can trace anything because the light board just provides enough light to the paper so that the outlines can be seen and traced. You can make your own pictures and have kids trace them, or they can improve their artwork and handwriting skills by going over it with a fresh piece of paper.

Some people thought the light wasn’t bright enough, but ours works great.

Check it out on Amazon:

Make sure to watch the video!

Crayola Light-up Tracing Pad 

Boxer

I had never heard of Boxer before this Christmas, but he was on my nephew’s list and it wound up being his favorite toy this year so I’m glad we got it.

Boxer is an A.I. (artificial intelligence) robot. Right out of the box he’s ready to play with via remote control. But he’s not just any robot, he has different functions. He has 4 different modes: app mode, remote mode, play mode, and card scan mode.

He’s small and cute. While he’s rolling around he’ll say things like “bee bop” and other noises which grabs the kids attention. But he’s not just a remote control toy.

You can switch him to card mode where he scans comes with a ball to play 10 different games such as Bot Bowling, Paddle Bot, and soccer. He can sense your hands and feet and will respond to them.

You can also download an app for more games, but we haven’t explored that yet.

I found that he didn’t move that fast on the carpet. He was much better at on the hardwood floors.

Some people complain about his size (he’s pretty small), but he can do a lot for his size and it’s a toy that doesn’t just take up space without anyone ever touching it. I think Boxer is great, and Jayden agrees!

Check it out on Amazon:

Boxer

Of course there are also FREE gifts that can go along with these toys.

Try writing her a letter. It’s a gift that they can hold on to forever. Loving words are never outgrown!

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Need Help Getting Started? Enter your email address below and get 3 Letter To Your Niece or Nephew Templates

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Does your nephew love to color? Jayden always asks me to draw him different things so he can color them in! It’s a great addition for Crayola board! Enter your email address for a FREE hand-drawn, coloring ebook – A-Z Animals!

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I hope that you’ve found the perfect gift for your 5-8 year-old boys in your life. Jayden loves each and every one of these toys and continues to get great use of out them. I often peek in on him to find that he combines these toys so that they all play together. His imagination never ceases to amaze me.

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like:

How to Shop For Your Nieces and Nephews

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