#''THAT MEANS WE'RE ALL GENDERFLUID''

[cottagecori]

crying into my sparkling apple cider because i thought about my parents aging for more than 10 seconds

#we have a complicated relationship like all people do with their parents #but when i was younger #my mom used to sit next to me in church #i was an anxious kid who felt ill at ease in 'god's house' #i constantly felt like i was doing something wrong simply by being there #(come to find out later it was because 1 - i have a generalized anxiety disorder 2- i was gay and genderfluid in a conservative church) #when i would start to get restless my mom would let me trace patterns over her hands and thighs never in marker or pen just with my fingers #and when it was time to stand or kneel #she would take my hands in hers and trace i <3 u ! #just so i would know that i was okay #now whenever either of us need support #we'll grab each other's hand and trace an exclamation point #it seems like nothing #but it means we care #we're there #we're okay #and one day that will happen for the last time #and who will tell me i'm going to be okay then? #who will take my hands in theirs #cori stop

[lukeskqwalker]

"I'm gay I'm not immune to pretty girls" imma steal that but for guys, thank you for the mlm wlw solidarity friend

thank u so much for your service gay anon. I'm also laughing bc I genuinely can't tell which of us is supposed to be the wlw and which is the mlm

#babygirlboy I am a genderfluid mangirl #and I do not mention in which direction I am trans (the answer is all) #fucking love this for me #I mean I am also bisexual so I am technically a mlm AND a wlw #who knows maybe we're both the mlm wlw all at once #anon I wish u a most excellent day #edit: JUST noticed the 'but for guys' lmao so I am the wlw rn. fucking sweet. I love you gay boy

[grimzeyblogs]

i've been invited to an e-wedding my friend and his boyfriend are having

what makes it funny is that both of them are mischa (rtc) irls

MISCHA IS MARRYING. HIMSELF

(my friend is also talia irl so they are finally getting married in a sort so good for them)

#it's not a real e-marriage because we're all children but you know what i mean #i'm too afraid to talk in the chat because i've only met one other person there and thats the ''broom ' (my friend is the groom and his #boyf is genderfluid so ig they're both cleaning products too) #lex shouts into the void

[stalkiwi]

the hardest thing when you're genderfluid is that, when you use all/different pronouns or change pronouns regularly, people will always ask that one question "hummm it sounds complicated.... can I stick to just they/them?" or Worse, sometimes they'll even stick to one gendered pronoun like, ah yes assume my gender I guess. and everytime, we will almost all reply to it with "sure, it's ok I understand lol". because we're too scared that we are, in fact, asking too much if we ask people to switch our pronouns.

the thing you people need to understand is that most of us are uncomfortable with having a set of pronouns sticked to us, and we'll likely never say it openly. it's been an entire year since I've came out as demi-fluid and it happened literally once that someone switched my pronouns when I changed them to fit my current identity.

so please, please people, know that switching our pronouns and changing them depending on how we feel currently is actually giving us a lot of Gender Affirmation and happy chemicals. if you just ignore it cause "too hard to follow", "too complicated", it just feels like we're beaming signals and they're being ignored. I usually don't mind it when people stick to they/them with me because, no matter how I feel, it'll always be correct, but that doesn't mean it's always my preferred.

like if at some point I feel more feminine and I change to she/they, PLEASE use she/her, at least even once during this period of time, it makes me literally so so euphoric I can't explain like YES thank you for affirming my girly moment!!

#i feel like we really need more genderfluid representations and positivity #i often got told “ah yes this character from this one show is canonically genderfluid” #said character: literally wore a dress once #and this character often sticks to one set of gendered pronouns and never changes #anyway im considering making a post about genderfuildity but I might not be the best to explain it #genderfluid

[cole-is-a-dragon]

Neil Gaiman really just went and healed the SuperWhoLock trauma.

not really. but. hear me out.

so much time and emotional energy has been put by fandom into desperately searching for representation where it was just teased, never confirmed, or confirmed and then immediately ended (bury your gays)

Neil just gave us the most canonically queer series ever. it is heartwarming. it is romantic. it is giving emotionally complex queer characters. it's not just gay as a token thing, hell, season two gets rid of str8 ppl completely

Look I know we're all upset right now about the end but look

we've already got confirmed that s3 is in Neil's head, with the first and last episode written

he's already told us there is gonna be a happy ending

the heartbreak rn is just some character development that actually supports the "queer complex characters" thing more than the "make queer characters suffer" thing

cause we get to explore them in intense emotional situations, but we know we'll get the epic getting back together

I'm actually over the moon rn

compare that to like four hundred seasons of supernatural only for them to go like semi canon

compare that to four seasons of Sherlock with years of panels with actors and writers being mean about fanfiction and violently no-homo-ing

compare that to the doctor, who despite being canonically genderfluid and queer in a sexuality way, is still being played and written like a str8 character

the gays win. all hail Gaiman

#good omens #innefable husbands #good omens meta #good omens spoilers #neil gaiman #all hail gaiman #SuperWhoLock #queer joy

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would I be the asshole for asking that rules be enforced more strictly?

Here's the situation. I (19 genderfluid) am part of a sorority, and for many events, we're supposed to be "dry" (so basically no drinking, smoking, drugs, etc. during, before, and after the event). However, my chapter hasn't been enforcing that rule very much/at all. Most of the time it's fine, people will got out afterwards and drink and that's usually not a problem, I also haven't seen people actively partaking during dry events. However. Sometimes people will "pregame" (drink, smoke weed, etc) before these events. And I mean like right before. So for example recently, we were at a required philanthropy event and a couple people had pregamed and were acting...well, pretty obnoxious. The event required focus but two people in particular (both around 19-20 f) were pretty clearly drunk or intoxicated in some way, they spent a lot of time messing around and getting in everyone's way. This was frustrating to me as I had not been drinking and was taking the (serious) event seriously.

Now, I am thinking of asking our chapter president to enforce the rules about being dry at these events more strictly.

Here's why I might be TA: Most people in our chapter are fine with not enforcing the rules around dry events. We haven't had too many problems with people being intoxicated. I feel like maybe I'm being a prude who is just annoyed that I had to put up with a couple drunk people being obnoxious.

Here's why I think I'm not TA: I'm fairly certain that neither of the people who were drunk in the aforementioned incident were of legal drinking age in my country. Also, they were violating our rules by being intoxicated at that event. Most of our dry events are more serious events where being sober helps to ensure that people aren't being disruptive or messing things up (in the aforementioned event, which is about my last straw when it comes to tolerating this stuff, them being intoxicated was really getting in the way of getting things done).

So, would I be the asshole if I asked the chapter president to enforce the rules more strictly?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[faggy--butch]

Really confused by your "lesbian trans men" post. The way I think of "lesbian", it's not a term of identity signification, it's a term for a specific type of sexual orientation and relationship.

It doesn't make sense that someone can be a "lesbian trans man" to me, because they are a trans man first, that is their identity. And because of that identity of being male, they are disqualified from being in a lesbian relationship, because a lesbian relationship is specifically female/female.

I'm not a terf, fuck terfs. A trans woman and a cis woman in a relationship are still lesbians. I'm just confused how a trans man can be a lesbian if he's not a woman. If the trans man is attracted to women, wouldn't that make him heterosexual, therefore straight? I'd understand if he was genderfluid, then he would swap back and forth from straight to lesbian depending on which gender he/she is.

The way I look at it, there are two "categories" of being queer. Identity and orientation. Identity comes first, it's what you are. Orientation comes second, it's what you're into. Identity is stuff like being cis, trans, genderfluid, etc. Orientation is stuff like being straight, gay, bi, ace, etc. And in my mind those two categories are completely separate, except where the orientation category depends on the larger identity category, such as "lesbian" being an orientation applicable to women into women, not applicable to men, trans or otherwise.

Please, educate me if I'm completely wrong in thinking about queerness this way, and why.

Well, I think your first mistake was trying to categorize queerness. Queerness by definition defies the boxes that get put on gender and sexuality. That's part of why a lot of people like calling themselves and the community queer, it's all encompassing. I also take issue with sexuality 'only' being an orientation. I certain identify as a lesbian, my sexual identity is just as important to me as my gender identity. I don't just "like girls" which what orientation is. I'm a lesbian, a dyke, it's a part of who i am. it's the way i define myself along with being butch, and to some people their sexual identity can be even more important than their gender one. To some people their gender identity is in fact lesbian.

You have to get it out of your mind that if something doesn't make sense, that it's wrong. It's not for anyone to tell a person what they can or can't identify as, or if they're misgendering themselves or whatever. I mean go to the HER app and you'll figure out quick that there are trans men in lesbian spaces, identifying as lesbians, there always have been.

Trying to fit trans people into the cishetro view of the world is not only never going to work, but it also actively hurts us. It's saying that we HAVE to be like them, we have to emulate our experiences off of the "real" genders and sexualities of white cishet people. that we have to match or we're doing it wrong, that it's not real until we're like them. As a non binary person i reject that entirely. I don't want people to tell me what they think I am, and I'm not going to do it to anyone else. I think everyone would benefit from learning about multigender, multisexual, and the split attraction model, and like talking to intersex people.

#asks #queer

[deepermadness]

Here's something for you guys to latch onto. It's something I'm quite excited about!

I know a lot of you don't play 40K, but something rather interesting could be happening during summer this year. Back in 2023, Games Workshop released the 10th edition of Warhammer 40K. I know, I know, but don't get switched off just yet. Things are going to get very fun.

You may know through cultural osmosis that there are four Chaos gods. Tzeentch, Khorne, Nurgle and Slaanesh.

Well for many years they all shared one rulebook, but back in 8th edition, two of them (Nurgle and Tzeentch) spun off into their own armies. This was followed last year by Khorne who got theirs right at the end of 9th edition.

But in addition to new rulebooks, they also got their army leader, known as a Primarch, to take them into battle.

Now what's interesting here is that they all have benefitted from gifts of their respective gods. Magnus has a staff and enhanced psychic powers, Angron has two powerful close combat weapons (to create blood for the blood god), while Mortarion has the enduring strength of rot and decay. In additon, they all underwent changes to reflect their respective gods. All very fluffy and tied heavily to the lore. These are really fun models and their rules are fucking cool!

But we're missing Fulgrim, the Primarch seduced by Slaanesh. And THIS is where it gets interesting. Slaanesh is the god of excess. They revel in striding over boundaries and feel most comfortable being who they are. Followers of Slaanesh often gain powers and benefits tied to their perversions, sexual or otherwise. And it is highly believed that Fulgrim is next in line to get a model.

Looking at GW's roadmap, you can see that there's a spot for a whole new army coming out (listed as [redacted]):

There is HUGE speculation that this is the fourth and final Chaos god codex (the name for the rulebooks). This means that we will get a new Fulgrim model, and we're itching to see what 10,000 years of daemonic servitude has blessed him with.

And I say "new" model, because we have one of him back when he first turned. This is part of their "Horus Heresy" range, and not Warhammer 40K proper. The other three Primarchs also have HH models too, different from the ones above.

Sexy, right?

But here's the thing. One of Slaanesh's defining traits is that they play with and change gender frequently. Actually, it would be just as appropriate to say that gender doesn't really apply to them unless they want it to. For example, here is a huge daemon from the range:

As you can see, there's a lot of androgeny here. That's intentional. Sometimes they appear more traditionally feminine, sometimes more masculine, sometimes both, sometimes neither.

And their forms shift to seduce the prey. It's brilliant!

But this leaves the question - what about Fulgrim?

I suspect that GW could do something incredible. I think they're going to heavily lean into the best parts of Slaanesh. I think that they're going to reveal a female, or genderfluid Fulgrim!

It would make so much sense. It's the best fit for the lore. It would be so weird to just have a random bloke standing there when everybody else is already living it up as their best and most open selves, you know? It would make her distinct from her brothers, we would get a phenomenally cool Daemon Princess model, and it would definitively shut up all of those guys who get funny about the idea of female space marines, because we'd finally have one in canon!

I mean, even the existing model is called Fulgrim "trans"-figured! Could it be any more obvious?

Trans Fulgrim please, GW.

#Warhammer #Warhammer 40K #40K #WH 40K #WH40K #Fulgrim #Slaanesh #Emperor's Children #Trans #Transgender #Trans Fulgrim #Demon #Daemon #Daemonettes #Khorne #Nurgle #Tzeentch #Chaos #Chaos Space Marines #World Eaters #Death Guard #Thousand Sons #Space Marines

[pridewishes]

PrideWIshes 2000+ Follower Event !!

Thank you all for the endless support we've received on this blog! It means so much to us! In celebration of the HUGE milestone, we wanted to host an editing challenge for our followers and friends! This event is pride themed, of course, due to our blog theme!

For the challenge, we'd like everyone to make pride related edits (icons, graphics, etc.) AND/OR coin terms / make pride flags based around the theme for each day! Characters/Sources fitting the themes is allowed as well, but the edit MUST involve a pride flag. (Ex. an edit of an angel character with the bisexual flag / an angel related gender).

Every day will have a different theme and this will be going on for a week, going from 4/21 - 4/27! You can make as many edits as you desire, no limit just have fun! Make sure to just tag your edits with #pridewishes2000 and we'll make sure to reblog them! We'll list the daily prompts below!

DAY 1 (4/21) - Angels / Demons

DAY 2 (4/22) - Aliens / Robots

DAY 3 (4/23) - Love / Evil

DAY 4 (4/24) - Canines / Felines

DAY 5 (4/25) - Favorite Show / Anime / Cartoon

DAY 6 (4/26) - Favorite Video Game / Comic / Manga

DAY 7 (4/27) - PrideWishes Day!

For Day 7 (PrideWIshes Day), we're limiting your resources to flags/sources we use/enjoy! Your options are as follows;

Bisexual / Aromantic / Arospec / Polyamorous

Nonbinary / Agender / Genderfluid / Librafluid / Transgender / Xenogender

Autism / BPD / DID / Bipolar

Puppetbeing / Calicogender / Dimoric / Seradeic / Succubian / Catgender / Boygirl / Autigender

JJBA / BSD / Enstars / Pokemon / Warriors / Genshin

#pridewishes2000 #mod 🍒

[serendipititties]

my mutuals and why they are superior:

@hyperfixatingdumdum - we're related so im biased but i mean. Shes studying medicine. She paints. She sings. Shes bi. Shes might or might not be cis. She takes meds for ADHD. She has that broken girl swag. She has it all. Shes pretty too and ladies she is hella single.

@luvrli - has the nicest sounding voice ever. She paints too so thats sick. Plus she, @hyperfixatingdumdum and I have that telugu bi girl swag and thats always amazing to have. Probably good in school too. Also was my first ever mutual when i joined tumblr! Love her

@deadaldipshit-jpg - she writes AND draws. Shes aroace and tamil. Coolness needs to observe them and take notes.

@pollywantsacracker - so iconic. Serves cunt like its free. Funny, brave, gorgeous, and awesome. She is so strong. She is the moment. Also pansexual so thats punk as hell.

@imslowlydisintegrating - he possesses a gender so confounding I couldnt do it justice if i tried. Shes so so so sweet. Has incredible taste. Is from louisiana and probably has an accent which is sooooo cool of them. Shes neurodivergent and a writer?? Writes poc characters and tries to do them justice?? Perfection.

@drew-dopamine - aroace trans boy. Need i say more? (Helps that hes funny and really nice too). Love him endlessly.

@beomgyutruther - she and I are studying for the same exam right now sooo. But yeah shes indian and queer and amazing and all that is good in this lonely world.

@katyakazanovas - so pretty. I mean shes a lovely person too probably but i got distracted for a second. And shes a fan of ghost so thats cool. Plus shes texan? And pansexual? Incredible is an understatement. Great taste in music 19/10.

@bassguitarinablackt-shirt - I have to be honest, he's blonde so there really isnt much i can defend here. He makes up for it by being a trans he/they gay boy though! Plus he writes! Awesome. Hes super sweet too.

@bil-daddy - Nuff said. (Really nice tho i did message them and they were super sweet)

@docdust- hilarious and lovable. We havent interacted much but i love this blog.

@70snasagay - i mean theyre hungarian so thats already cool. But theyre bi too? And adorable?? And a good omens girly?? I fear im in love.

@lordcatwich - genderfluid neurodivergent writer. How could you top this? (Super sweet and funny too. 19/10)

@funkyratman - came into my dms offering to fight me for the name wren. Common he/him W in my opinion. We're gonna be highway robbers together now.

@purichana that url is the url of one who fought tooth and nail for it. I respect the hustle and the vibes are quite good.

also. @cheezbot. Hilarious.

Edit: i found out pollywantacracker (mint-mayonnaise rn) is lesbian now so thats awesome. The lesbians are lucky to have her

#wren et al #mutual appreciation #wren left her barbequeue on

[pearlcigs]

⋆ mutuals

idea credit @valsthea

what color and song i associate with each of my moots + cute little messages (pls lmk if you want me to delete you off this list for any reason)

dm me if you wanna know why i associate you with your color and / or song ! :)) most songs only have 1 or 2 specific lyrics that i associate with a moot or just the melody but its okay

i only included moots from this acc incase the moots from @poionsedprose want nothing to do with me LMAO i didn't realize i had so many mutuals

ALPHABETICAL ORDER

𝐉𝐎 ( @abbysribbon ) : we've only just become moots but your art is so incredible ??!?! like you draw the characters so perfectly ?!?! im obsessed with your art !??!? i can't wait to get to know you more !!

𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 ( @ali3n00 ) : i guess i have to include you on this list ...

𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 ( @baumbii ) : we haven't really talked much but you seem so nice and cool ! your blog is so cute and you are also so gorg omg , your writing is also literally so good i love it sm , esppp your ellie fic ! wish we could talk more !!

𝐋𝐎𝐋𝐀 ( @coqvttes ) : i loveeee everything that you write sm and your blog aesthetic is acc so pretty ! i really really hope that you're doing better now , i'm so sorry that men are so gross to you , im so glad we're moots , we should def talk more !!

𝐌𝐀𝐗𝐈𝐍𝐄 ( @dizzyntrr ) : max my loveee, i love when your posts pop up on my dash, esp your mood boards !! your themes always eat, i love coming onto tumblr after waking up and seeing if you changed it yet :3 i also love your writing smm, i always reread your works

𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐍 ( @edensdahlia ) : love love love your account theme and your writing, your fics are so comfy like their vibe is just so good ! i love that you include both male reader and a female reader as a genderfluid fanfic consumer :))

𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐔𝐑 ( @fawnpires ) : first of all im so obsessed with your user, literal username genius, second i loveee your aesthetic it's so cool?? and also your writing oh my goddd , guilty pleasure fr ! i wish we talked more but you intimidate me (bc you're so cool)

𝐇𝐀𝐙𝐄𝐋 ( @fxllfaiiry ) : you were one of my first mutuals and i was so excited when you followed me back bc your writing is so good?!? we haven't really talked much but trust your blog means a lot to me + your themes always eat !

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒 ( @heartmorgue ) : your reblogs are always so real , i have to fight the urge to reblog everything that you reblog LOL you seem so fun to just hang out to do nothing (does that make sense ???) like just watch a movie in silence or smth if yk?

𝐌𝐈𝐙 ( @hermizery ) : your blog theme is so cool / navigation , it's one of the reasons i followed you in the first place ! i love your leon fic sm you should def write more if you want to obvi but you're gen so talented

𝐋𝐔𝐍𝐀 ( @killuintense ) : i don't interact with a lot of your posts cause most of them are nsfw but i love your sfw work ! also your blog theme is super cool i love it , i love ada >.<

𝐊𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐒𝐋𝐔𝐕𝐑 ( @konigsluvr ) : you write konig so well ! your headcanons are always fun to read and i hope you post more in the future !! i like seeing your reblogs pop up on my dash cause some of your responses are so out of pocket they make me laugh

𝐀𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 ( @kxjbr ) : i wish we interacted more ! i loved the comments you would always leave on my tatta fics , they would always make me smile and it was one of the reasons why i kept witting for alice in borderland for so long :)) also i love your fics you deserve way more recognition

𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐀 ( @leemonsblog ) : maliaaa we don't really talk anymore but i cherish every one of the conversations we had , i love talking to you and although you don't know it , you helped me through some tough times and i appreciate you sm for that + your fics were peak and i love them sm still , i miss you 'n i hope you're doing well ml !!

𝐒𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐒 ( @lovers-rck ) : we're fairly new to being mutuals but i love your content sm ! your art is so good first of all , and second of all , your fics are so entertaining ! i can't wait to get to know you more !

𝐃𝐄𝐕 ( @loveheartarthur ) : im so fr you and your blog alone have convinced me to watch rdr , its on my list of games to watch :3 your blog is so pleasing to look at and i love the farmer's daughter aesthetic !! i wish we could talk more , you seem so cool

𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐍 ( @meravalemoi ) : i love your reblogs ! sometimes i'll just scroll through your blog at the end of the day when im super sleepy and just see what funny posts you reblogged :)

𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐈 ( @nadiasgf ) : we haven't really talked much but im glad we've had the few convos that we've had bc you're so easy to talk to (im just socially awkward) i'm so glad we became moots !!

𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋 ( @naivegh0ul ) : your ghosts fic feed me like im starving victorian child , everything you write absolutely slaps and i love reading it i would read your fics / blurbs all day if i could !

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒 ( @ouchvns ) : venus ml , you are such a big inspiration for me and i remember following you and being totally shocked when you followed me back , i thought you were so cool (still do) and im so glad that we're moots !! :3 you're so talented and i love talking to you + themes always devour

𝐑𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐘𝐒𝐋𝐔𝐕𝐑 ( @rileysluvr ) : reading your fics n' stuff is like a little treat for me , i will read everything you write and lowkey your stuff's got me kicking my feet and giggling while i read it

𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐍 ( @saintlulls ) : your cod ficsss bro , literally one of the reasons i decided to start writing for cod characters ! you're so talented and i wish nothing but the best for you , would love to interact more with you :)

𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐀 ( @solutopia ) : i love the fact that we both have guts series (obvi on my other acc) and though i have absolutely no clue who the character you write for is, your writing is so good so it doesn't even matter

𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐄 ( @spiderst4rgirl ) : first of all you're genuinely so pretty likeee , second you seem so chill to talk to , i feel like we could have like a good movie marathon if yk what i mean

𝐑𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍 ( @starryririn ) : i love reading your poems !! you're such a talented poet i really enjoying reading them :)) im so thankful that you included me on your fic recs , it really means a lot and im glad that we're moots !

𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐌 ( @the-verbatim ) : i love talking about cod characters with you and listening to you ramble about your hcs n' stuff , it makes me so happy to read :)) i can't wait to talk to you more !!

#🏷️ ⋆ mutuals #🧺 ⋆ to the moon and to saturn

[torimidori2-blog]

Transmasc people experience misogyny

Surprise! You thought that just because sometimes we identify as men, wear masculine clothes, use he/him/his pronouns, take testosterone, or pass as male socially means that we're immune to that bullshit? Listen to yourselves talk for just a second and pay attention to what you're saying because believing this is not really helping anyone's case. We were literally born into this world assigned female at birth and we had to experience misogyny ever since that point. It's instilled in us that we are girls because of what genitals we're born with, and because of that, people feel like they're entitled to treat us a certain way, whether we were taught that by our mothers who want to protect us from misogynists or the misogynists themselves. Just because we identify as trans, doesn't mean that any of that shit is ever gonna go away, because misogynists will always believe no matter who we identify as, no matter what we say, and no matter how we express ourselves, that we are crazy women who need to be kept in their place. I'm not trying to say that transmascs suffer more than transfemmes. Far from that actually, since misogyny is also targeted towards them too. Transfemmes experience the same misogyny slathered in a blue coat of paint. Misogynistic cishet men see femininity as a weakness, and they also see having a penis as a sign of masculinity, strength and power, so when they see an amab person express femininity in any way, shape or form, their brains explode because they can't picture anything else but "bIg StRoNg MaN wItH pEe PeE gEt LaId PrEtTy GuRl AnD gEt MoNeY", which they use as a means to justify harassing, maiming, and killing transfemmes everywhere. It's the same fucking thing in a different fucking format, but it ends in the suffering of all trans people. Stop making trans suffering a pissing contest. We don't need that now. We need to stick together and try to get rid of the problem at hand, instead of fighting about how transfemmes suffer more than transmascs because blah blah blah blah... It's just like if me and someone I knew got kidnapped and tortured by the same guy and instead of focusing on calling for help or finding a way to escape, we argue about who got tortured the worst. It doesn't solve anything, it undermines the suffering of the person I'm arguing with, it's a waste of time, and in certain circumstances it can make things worse. Can we please focus on our needs as the trans community without being exclusionary? I'm sick and tired of our suffering being invalidated by the same fucking community that we're supposed to be a part of. Also, to all the non-binary people who are androgynous, gender neutral, genderfluid, agender, ect: You are affected by misgyny too. We're all in this shitstorm together.

#transmasc #transfem #protect trans men #protect trans women #protect trans lives #protect nonbinary people #trans #nonbinary #protect trans nonbinary #lgbtq #lgbt #lgbtq community

[mellybabbles]

Masterpost?! Me?! Never

so anyways have a masterpost

Hello! A masterpost has been due for a long time- but I've finally gotten around to making one!

Dreamscape - Chapter 1/Prologue (multi-sanses x fem reader) Misplaced Royalty - Chapter 1/Prologue (bad sanses x nonbinary reader) Just Add Water - Chapter 1/Prologue (Dust + Killer x Siren!reader) From Me To You (Hiatus) - Chapter 1/Prologue (error x fem reader) Ao3 acc Several other fics on my acc! (mainly dust💀)

Tag List! #melly's silly talks - basically any post that isn't a reblog #melly's silly reblogs - reblogs #melly's reblogs - serious reblogs #my art - my art/drawings/sketches #my animations - my animatics/animations #my writing/my fanfics - writing Tags may differ, I'm really bad at sorting tags LOL

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I'm open to talking with anyone, followers mutuals or randoms. My discord is melatonindepicts, and you can also message me on here! I'm a-okay with being pinged in posts! Tag games, art, etc. Tag me in it all! If I don't respond, don't take it personally, it means I forgot or already have seen it/did it Sexual jokes/flirty jokes are okay! I tend to make them, so please let me know if it makes you uncomfortable. Okay, so this one is a bit weird, but if you are an rp account or impersonate a sans (THAT'S COMPLETELY OKAY, i do it as well), please do not say "guys it's me!" or things along those lines to my art/writing. Especially if it's implied sexual/flirty! This makes me extremely uncomfortable, especially if I don't know your age. Unless you're a friend of mine, then go ham, cause chances are I've already flirted with you relentlessly lol

A lil about me!

Hello! You may call me Melly, Mel, Jynx, or Sharpie! Friends call me whatever hehe I'm pansexual, genderfluid and extremely fuckin flirty and chaotic. I have ADHD and heavily struggle with understanding tones and stuff. I have a small emotion range, so I'm sorry if I'm constantly hyper and happy and that bothers you. I'll be constantly cracking jokes, and if it offends you, please let me know! I'm just mapping you out to figure out what's best for the both of us. I don't tend to approach people first, so if you wanna chill and be broskis, sadly you'll have to extend the olive branch. Then I'll probably cling to it like a desperate bird idfk I swear. A lot. Sorry if that scares you I'm Korean-american! Fuck yea, I'mma come eat your dog- /j /j Anyways, so yea, feel free to come poke me whenever :D I'll be happy to breakdance for you hehe

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#melly's silly talks #masterpost #this has been due for a while

[sunnywalnut]

I fully believe that the only thing that stopped me from identifying as trans when I was younger was the fact of my autistic black and white thinking.

Well yeah. That guy is trans. And I think he's super cool. But I couldn't be trans despite the fact that I feel more like myself with him because he embodies everything I wish I could be but stop myself from being.

Oh no I absolutely could not be transgender at all! I didn't know I was a dude since I was three like all these other people who were taught the concept of gender and the fact that gay people exist from a young age and I only learned lesbians existed after I was ten years old.

Of course that person is transgender. The whole reason I changed the name on the sticky note set on their desk was because they're my friend and I'm an ally. Totally not because I want somebody to do the same for me.

Nah bro. I don't think my obsession with gender neutral names and wanting to change my name to Alex because it was the only gn name I knew at the time had any transgender reasons for it. I'm just super attached to the idea of accidentally being mistaken for a boy. Even if it's just by name.

The reason I specifically searched for books with male protagonists my age when I was younger was totally because of super straight reasons and not because I identified with them more than any of the female leads, despite being extremely similar to a lot of them.

Oh totally I'm not jealous of my brother who's only one year older than me, therefore I get to see him embody all these manly traits like getting a cool low voice and be taught things that I wish I could learn but I wasn't explicitly invited so I stay where I was.

What do you mean it's not normal to treasure the blue Finding Nemo basketball cap that I sneered at on Christmas Day for "looking too boyish" and wearing it inside the house while I crawled up on my grandfather's lap so he could read to me.

Of course my best friend of over seven years is my sister! Despite the fact that I feel completely uncomfortable when she claims that I am hers. Not because we're not family. Because something is wrong with the word "sister" and I can't tell what.

I mean shit. The only reason I realized that I could've been queer was bc somebody told me that if I(a "straight girl") liked a trans guy, then I would be pansexual.

Untrue, obviously, since trans guys are still guys, and my little 13yo brain thought the same way, but the fact that somebody said it so casually just opened the floodgates of "what ifs" for me.

And you know what?

The year after that, I came out publicly as bi. Then ace. Then two years after that gender fluid. Then in the same year, transmasc. Then lesbian a couple months later. Then transmasc but not lesbian after a couple weeks because my partner was also genderfluid. And now? Transmasc/trans man and bi, specifically for the girls and gnc folks.

Had that person not told me I was pansexual, I'm pretty sure I would've just gone around being indifferent to my romantic partners thinking that friendship was the romance all along this entire time.

Six entire years. And I was autistic the whole time.

It was always about being a good person for the "other" people who needed me until I realized I could be the other people as well.

The whole reason I didn't "show signs" of being transgender during my childhood?

Same reason I didn't show signs of being autistic.

I was mirroring people. I was mirroring what I thought was needed of me. Ignoring my interests or things I was curious about. Because I knew what was expected of me. That part of it was explained thoroughly, at the very least. The gender part of it all. And by God, I was going to do a good job at it.

And yeah. I was happy when I found dresses that were pretty.

Not because I was the one wearing them.

But because it meant that my mom thought I was doing such a good job at Gender that I deserved a skirt. In order to show it off to everyone.

Same reason I allowed my hair to be done. Little jewels to be twisted into my long locks that I grew myself and refused to cut. Because this was what I was good at. Everyone, even if they didn't like me, they liked my long, feminine hair. They liked my frilly, feminine dresses. And my shiny, feminine jewelry.

And well... I liked being liked. I liked being admired.

Because nobody noticed me any other way.

Unless it was for my art.

I was good at art.

I'm still good at art.

My "feminine" art.

I no longer get joy from long hair and frilly dresses and shiny jewelry.

But I still get joy from art.

Even if it isn't feminine.

Even if it isn't shown to anyone.

Because it is mine.

It is me.

It is the one thing that I grew up seeing that everyone could do. Regardless of skill. Everyone was thrown in a class together. Everyone crowded around the girl who drew anime in class. Everyone knew of the famous men like Van Gogh. Everyone was able to do art. Everyone was able to be creative. To get messy. To work with their hands.

And everyone meant that there was space for me, too.

There were finally shades of gray.

And I clutch them dearly to my heart, right next to the rainbows of devotion I painted on the inside walls of my ribcage.

Each palette I've created is a labor of love, used to picture the world in each wonderful shade of admiration.

And that is still the one thing that I have found that try as they might, they cannot sort into sexes.

So I keep my shades of gray. I keep my rainbows and my flags. And I paint them with all the colors I like. Because art showed me a way to be free. And I refuse to live my life in a cage. Regardless of who's hands made it.

I just know that it won't be mine.

#trans acceptance #trans rights #transgender #trans #transmasc #trans mtf #trans male #trans man #trans guy #gay art #art #art is my escape #art is therapy #autism acceptance #autism awareness #black and white thinking #the tism #trans artist #trans are beautiful #trans artwork #shades of gray #shades of gay #i love myself #sexism

[thecatduet422]

Chapter Three: Blood of the Dragon

Dragon King!bakugou katsuki x reader

Taglist: @genderfluid-anime-goth @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @nnubee @reddriot

Rating: Mature

Tags: violence, blood, dragons, its wartime babes so people might get booboos, romance, sexual tension, medieval politics, northern!reader, knight!midoriya

Summary: With the fury of winter on the precipice, and food provisions deathly short, you have no choice but to represent your House and speak with the Dragon King. The only problem is your Houses have been at odds for centuries, and the fearsome Dragon King is not exactly easy to convince... (GoT-inspired AU)

A/N: Also, highly recommend @vampyrsm's forbidden flame series!

Chapters: 3/? (20,590 words)

AO3 LINK

Chapter One Chapter Two

Some translations for this chapter: *Dragons: Kanibaru = Cannibal, Kinba = Gold Tooth, Shiroi Tsubasa = White Wing. *Commands (taken directly from GoT): Dracarys = Dragon fire, Rybas = Focus, Naejot = Forward, Dohaeras = Serve, Umbas = Wait

Chapter Three: Blood of the Dragon (12.4k)

Darkness…

An echoing song…

Can't breathe…

You woke up gasping for air, only to be greeted by the sun shining its inferno through the lazy breeze of the curtains that guarded you. The silk sheets wrapped around you slipped across your skin like water as you entered into the morn, nightmare temporarily forgotten.

How useless, you thought suddenly. What’s the point of a blanket if not to keep you warm?

You roughly kicked the sheets off you, finding them to be a total hindrance. But then as soon as you did it, you felt strange. Almost vulnerable in a way, not unlike when you were on the boat, abandoning your extra layers of clothing. 

You’ve been guarding yourself against the outside for as long as you could remember. To meet it head-on, bare skin to sun, it felt like you were heading into battle with nothing but a horse. 

And how the southern heat seemed to target you, causing you to sweat constantly . You were always fighting off against the gross feeling as your body struggled to adjust to the new land.

You missed the cold air of the North, the smell of the grass, the sound of your little brother’s laugh. You missed the peace of the whispering woods, the roars of laughter in the Hall, the secluded comfort of the library. You missed home.

And yet, The Dragon King insisted you stay. 

“Until we both see fit," he had said.

Well, you saw fit to leave once the agreement was signed. That seemed to be the sensible thing to do. Your business would be done, so why stay?

And what was taking the contract so long? Surely, it must be done by now…

"We're gonna do it right this time… We reform our relationship, and in return, our alliance…"

Reform our relationship…

Something about that itched your mind, like the tune of a song you couldn't quite remember. Like any other trueborn of the North, the history of the Great Blacksmith has been engraved into your head. The tale of him and the Dragon Queen is very much a repeated one, back at home at least. But you imagined it would be popular in the Southlands too…

Does the King mean to…

No. Of course not.

You take a deep breath in, smelling the sweet smoke that was slowly beginning to waft into the room. 

“To cover the smell of dragon,” Lady Mina explained to you.

Apparently, the dragon caves weren’t far from the city, and the wind tended to drift the stench over. You smelled it more than a couple of times now; fire, soot, and something else you couldn’t place. The best way you could describe it was wet dog , and yet you knew that wasn’t right. Either way, it wasn’t exactly offensive, not when you’ve spent your entire childhood around livestock. Besides, you thought the incense more than did its job. Whether it was the soft floral scents of jasmine, sweet pea, and lilac or one of the stronger, spicier scents of cinnamon, clove, and frankincense- they all seemed to give you a jolt of energy, giving you the muster to start the day. 

And already there was Lady Mina, ready to start with you as she walked across the other side of the room, lighting the perfumed sticks as she went, soft tendrils of smoke marking her path like footsteps.

“Morning, Lady Mina,” you greeted, ignoring your slight unease.

You almost forgot that it was normal, a lady’s maid waking you up, helping you get ready for the day. And as more servant ladies walked in with clean linens, fresh tea, and food, you found your stubbornness winning over. 

“You know, I’m perfectly capable of getting ready on my own-”

Lady Mina easily countered with a wave of her hand. “Nonsense! You're our guest . Besides, you brought no maids of your own.” 

She shrugged nonchalantly, as if it weren't a problem, but you still found yourself squirming with embarrassment. Was it considered unethical, not bringing any maids with you? It’s not like you had a choice. The outlook of the war forced your lady mother to dismiss them all.

"Knights and guards must be placed over butlers and maids, sweetling. Can’t you see?"

And for a tiny moment, an arrow of sorrow punctured your chest as you remembered your goodbye to Jirou, your lady-in-waiting and best friend. The sad look in her eyes as you told her to pack up her things and go home…

A breakfast tray interrupted your memory, pulling the arrow along with it. As the tray was delicately placed over your lap, you were greeted with a mouthwatering assortment of bread, fruit, and cheese. You dug into all of it without a care as Lady Mina gleefully walked up to an assortment of dresses.

Oh, not again, you thought with an eye roll.

“And I was thinking for today,” she sang, eyeing through the garments, “You can wear… this! ” 

She pulled out a lovely silk dress, dyed the color lavender and bare on one shoulder, the otherside held together with a golden dragon pin. You could pick out the outline of the scales and teeth all the way from your place on the bed. Its jaw was open mid-roar, its eyes studded with tiny rubies, its tail snaking down to wrap around the waist.

It was… a lot.

You gulped down the lump of food in your mouth, feeling it plump down into your stomach. “Don’t you think it's a bit too much for me, Mina?"

Mina pouted. “We can replace the broach with one of your own, if you like. But you can't deny it isn't pretty…”

She dangled the dress in front of you, as if the fabric could somehow hypnotize you into saying yes.

You gulped down your guilt, almost wishing you would've fallen for it. But the truth was, your father raised you to ride on horseback, to swing a sword, to hunt alongside your brothers. Usually, you couldn’t be bothered with dresses.

"The thought is appreciated, trully,” you said with a mouthful of bread. You swallowed it down before continuing. “But I have training this morning. I very well can’t fight in, well, that .” 

You gestured to the dress as if it were a wild animal with rabies and foam spilling out from the mouth.

Lady Mina huffed, not forgiving you. “All you ever do is train...”

You gave her your best pleading face, trembling lip and the biggest eyes you could make. A trick you’ve pulled since you were a child.

"Ugh, fine ," Lady Mina relented, handing the dress back to a maid. "But the King is hosting a tourney later this week, and I insist on getting you ready for that!" 

She wagged a finger at you. "All of the highborns of the South are going to be there. You need to look like a proper lady of your station. Got it?"

“Yes, Lady Mina,” you nodded in fake agreement.

It wouldn't be a lie if you were gone by the time of the tourney, which you hoped to be once this damned contract was signed…

You shoved a final fistful of food into your mouth before getting ready.

And it was true when you said you could get ready on your own. A simple cotton shirt, breeches, and your boots were all you needed. You’ve forgone most of your armor since the boat, finding it all to be utterly unbearable in the Southern heat. You now only bothered with your arm braces and your scabbard.

However, as your eyes traveled over your form in the mirror, they caught onto your chestplate, tucked away in an open chest. It’s cool steel peeked out, the curve of the white fox stealing your attention with a twinkle of light, a reflection of the sun living in the fox’s eye.

Can't breathe-

Air hitched in your throat, and it was then you felt something unpleasantly strange; a cold air that brushed against the back of your shoulders and shivered into your chest.  

You pulled out the chestplate and strapped it on.

"Uh, are you sure you want to do that, my lady?" Mina asked you, cautiously. "It's a very hot day, today."

"I'll be fine," you insisted, finding a strong sense of pride in the fox that guarded your heart. With that one, and the necklace you wore underneath it, you felt like you knew who you were.

A northerner, through and through.

But as a show of respect, you did let Lady Mina do your hair. She brushed it back and weaved it into a braid as you worked on fastening your arm braces.

When Lady Mina stepped back, finished, you simply couldn't afford to linger anymore.

“Thanks,” you told her, not bothering to look before leaving, too busy fidgeting with the final clasp.

You heard her scoff all the way from the door, but hopefully, she knew you enough by now to realize you meant no offense. You simply had more important matters for the day.

You walked out, and as always, Ser Midoriya stood patiently by your door, waiting.

“Good morning, m’lady!” he greeted brightly.

“Good morning, ser.” You couldn’t help but feel warmth in your heart when you saw your friend. He reminded you of your littlest brother. Eager, innocent, hopeful.

“Any ravens from home?” you asked as the both of you headed towards the grounds.

“Yes, actually!” Ser Midoriya pulled out a scroll sealed with blood red wax, stamped with the outline of your familiar.

You eagerly ripped it open, eyes meeting your mother’s perfect handwriting.

Dearest Daughter,

I insist that you return home immediately.

Of course.

The savaged prince will cut off your head-

He’s a king.

You’ve surrounded yourself with beasts, sweetling. Can’t you see? It’s only a matter of time before they gobble you up.

You snorted.

Come home, before I lose a daughter as well as a husband.

You huffed. Using your father’s death against you was low, but unfortunately, unsurprising.

“Any news on the little lord?” Ser Midoriya asked.

You skimmed through the rest of the letter, worry pinching your face the farther you went down.

“No. Nothing.”

You crumpled the letter up into a ball and handed it back to Midoriya, who took it with no response, long-used to your mood when receiving a raven from mother. 

A couple of courtiers passed by, their gazes straying down to the fox on your chest. You saw them lean into each other in a conniving manner, whispering.

“The Lady of the North...”

You expected the stares. You were probably the first northerner to walk through these halls in decades afterall, and nothing fueled the court more than whispers, rumors, and gossip. 

You imagined that you were the main topic of all three today.

But what did surprise you were the glances cast at your knight.

“The green hair? He’s the one that jousted against the King...”

You showed no sign that you heard them, keeping your head forward. But once you passed them, you looked over to your knight. “It seems your reputation is quite bigger than I've been led to believe, ser.”

And as you predicted, Ser Midoriya flinched and stuttered to answer. “I-I told your lord father everything when I arrived at court, m’lady! I swear!”

“Maybe so, but now you must tell me,” you leaned in to talk quieter, in case there were any stray ears. “Without a written agreement, the Dragon King can have second thoughts on the trade. Perhaps he already is , and maybe that's why it's taking so long… You must tell me your tale, ser."

Ser Midoriya just looked at you, confused. "But, m'lady, Kacchan would never do that. He gave you his word."

Your eyebrows shot up to your hairline, bewilderment making you louder, " Kacchan? You have a nickname for him?"

“W-Well, we grew up together,” Midoriya explained, face turning red as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. His eyes roamed down, up, to the side, everywhere but at you.

You stopped, grabbing onto Ser Midoriya’s shoulder so he would do the same. When he still refused to look at you, you shook him gently, forcing him to do so.

“There’s no one I trust more than you, ser, can't you see? It’s your opinion that I value the most. Not the Dragon King’s.”

Ser Midoriya stood there, twiddling his thumbs. “It’s just that… it’s embarrassing m’lady. A-And" –he suddenly looked up at you, fists now clenched and eyes sparkling with determination– “I’m not that man anymore. I’m a knight now, and I’m going to be the best in all the lands!”

You gave a small smile at his declaration. Truthfully, it didn’t surprise you. You found that the ones most often looked down on were the ones with the biggest dreams, and Ser Midoriya was probably the most doubted knight in the entire realm. It was easy for the world to do so, with his naturally scrawny frame, panicked attitude, and lack of name.

But you've seen the knight grow. You've seen him be the very first one on the training grounds and the very last one to leave. You've seen how seriously he takes his duty in protecting you, how he treats your family with the utmost respect.

You've seen the boy become the man.

“You forget, ser. I train with you," you reminded him. “If I thought you were an embarrassment, I would have said so.” 

You held onto both of his shoulders now, hoping your persistence would be proof of your honesty. "I already believe you capable of anything. There is nothing you need to prove to me, ser."

You released your hold on him, crossing your arms stubbornly. 

“Now, tell me.”

Midoriya released a shaky breath, tears brimming in his forest-green eyes, and for a fearful moment you thought the knight would outright weep, but then he shook his head, wiping them away. 

“Okay.”

He pulled you away into a corner, where his story could be hidden by stone and shadow. 

“As you know, I was working as a stable boy here, in the Southlands. But, I’ve always dreamt of becoming a knight. My favorite story as a boy was always-”

“-Ser Toshinori Yagi, the All Mighty Knight of the Goldlands,” you finished for him.

Midoriya rubbed the back of his neck. “Yes, well. I would run into Kacchan a lot back then but… but often times Kacchan didn’t want me around." 

You narrowed your eyes at his hesitancy. You could read inbetween the lines. You knew how cruel men like the Bakugou Katsuki could be.

Midoriya went on. "He was training to be a knight too, you see. He kept talking about us going to war soon-”

“And how would he know that?” you interrupted snootily. “The Old Lord of the South didn’t even suspect war, so how did he ?”

“Kacchan has the blood of the dragon, m’lady,” your knight explained. “He has dragon dreams.”

“Dragon dreams?”

Ser Midoriya nodded.

Your oncoming dislike of the King hindered for a moment as you absorbed the information.

You’ve read about the blood of the dragon. The last known carrier was the  Dragon Queen. It was written that she never burned, that her dreams were premonitions, that her shouts could make dragons heel, while her whispers could make them roar.

And, it was written that she was the last who could do so.

"Is this true?" you asked carefully.

Midoriya nodded. “He claimed a dragon when he was five, m'lady.”

Shock flowed through you at the idea.

Five years old…

“Well." With a heavy sigh, you slumped against the wall. "I guess that would prove it.”

You looked up, eyes roaming over the stone of the ceiling as you mused. “I never expected the Dragon King to be a dreamer.”

Midoriya looked down sheepishly, almost as if he were guilty of something. “If you ask about it, he'll deny it, m'lady. Kachaan thinks it makes him look superstitious…"

Is that what happened to you, ser? You made a mention of his dreams, and he beat you for it?

"B-But anyways," –Midoriya shook his head, clearing whatever thought that clouded it– "when the tourney was announced, we all thought that this was it; this was how we can prove ourselves and become knights. Kacchan kept talking about how he would win and be named Commander-”

You snorted. “From one tourney win? Doubtful.”

Midoriya shook his head, correcting you. “By then, Kacchan had a lot of influence, m’lady. He was able to command a dragon, and he was in the Old Lord's favor."

“Really?” you asked, astonished. “So just like that? He won and was named Commander?”

Midoriya nodded, tears brimming once again as he recounted shamefully, “The very first round, Kacchan was put up against me and…” –tears started to fill more as Midoriya choked– “And as soon as I charged, somehow the girth came undone…”

“And you fell off.”

“And I fell off!” Midoriya cried.

His sobs bounced off of the walls as Ser Midoriya could no longer hold it in. He doubled over, completely consumed by his emotions, and you saw curious courtiers start to peek their heads your way.

“There, there, ser.” You patted his back reassuringly. “Your riding skills have improved tremendously since you’ve been with me. Your fighting skills, too.”

“I know that.” Ser Midoriya wiped his tears away. “And even then, I knew I could do better. I stood up and went to mount my horse again.”

“As you should,” you nodded.

“But…” Midoriya hesitated. He looked up at you, and you knew then that you wouldn’t like what he had to say. “But Kacchan wouldn’t allow it, m’lady.”

“What?!” you exclaimed. “ Why? You did nothing wrong.”

"He said I was hopeless, that there was no way I could fight, and if I wasn't fit to represent the Southlands on the battlefield, then I wasn't fit to represent them at all," Midoriya recounted in sorrow. "And the Old Lord listened, m’lady, so I was banished."

“That is-” you choked on your anger, too steamed to finish.

Unfair . Dishonorable . Cowardly. Those were the words that came to mind.

“I don’t like this King,” you decided, making your way back towards the light of the hallway.

Anger and guilt twisted your stomach as you realized, that’s why Ser Midoriya begged you to let him fight the other day. He saw it as his chance to regain his honor, and you didn’t let him. You thought it was your duty to challenge the King yourself, in the name of your House.

You peeked over your shoulder, at Ser Midoriya, who was now dejectedly following behind you.

“There’s a tourney coming up later this week. You can fight then,” you decided.

Ser Midoriya’s face brightened immediately. He reminded you of a child seeing his first fall of snow. “Really, m'lady?! You'll let me?”

Your anger melted at the sight of his excitement. “Why, of course, ser. You will be the sole representative of the North. I swear.”

Midoriya’s face turned serious, his determined nature taking root once more. “Yes, m’lady! I will make you proud.”

You didn’t doubt it, but now you'll have to deal with Mina…

Fresh sun hit your face as you reached the grounds. Along with it, the air, tainted with the smell of sweat, blood, and the putrid stench of dragon caves, their presence out of sight yet far from forgotten. Your gaze traveled from the men moving about- from the knights, squires, and stableboys maneuvering through the chaos of work- to the main sparing area, which sat directly in the sun. 

Can't hide your weaknesses when you're basked in light, you thoughtfully observed.

“Are you sure you wish to train today, m’lady?” you heard Midoriya ask. “You’re wrist-”

“It’s fine ,” you assured him, flapping your wrist around to prove it. “It doesn’t hurt anymore. Besides, we need to practice.” You walked into the sun and pulled out your sword, it’s thin blade pointing at Ser Midoriya’s chin. “Let’s go .”

Your knight stared in surprise at your showmanship before promptly furrowing his brows, looking back with fiery confidence. “Right!”

He pulled out his own sword, and as sudden as lightning, you two began, your motions turning into a dance you knew very well.

“Keep your guard up!” you told him.

Midoriya listened and moved to correct his stance, but that was when you had him. You knocked his sword away.

“Keep your head as well,” you joked.

Midoriya huffed in amusement, resetting himself for the next round. You followed.

The both of you simultaneously began once more. You danced around your knight mercilessly, fighting him with the same sly brutality you showed the King.

Ser Midoriya was your knight, afterall. If he couldn’t hold a fight against you , then there really was no point to him, was there?

But just like you knew he would, Midoriya kept up, though be it, with a very strained look on his face. You weren't sure if he was afraid of you hitting him or he hitting you . You knew if he actually gave you an injury, Ser Midoriya would never forgive himself-

You felt a solid tap on the chest, sword hitting your armor with a solid tink.

“Yes!” Midoriya cheered.

“Nicely done,” you complimented. 

It was what you deserved, with your mind wandering about.

Head in the clouds, ears in the trees, your father used to say.

You both repositioned, swords high and eyes pierced into one another, waiting to see what the next move might be.

Ser Midoriya was smart enough to keep his eye on your hip, where your dagger was hidden. You've been known to pull it out when least expected, surprising your opponent when their attention was focused on your sword. A trick that helped you with Bakugou, but unlike him, Midoriya has sparred with you many times now. He knew your tricks.

You both circled around each other, waiting.

"JUST GO ALREADY!" Somebody screamed, and immediately, everyone in your peripherals stood at attention.

Perhaps out of spite, you broke your stance, refusing to do so.

You could feel the glare of the Dragon King once more, this time from the shadow of the balcony.

You remained tall and glared back. 

Just because you were making a trade with the Dragon King didn't mean you had to bow to his every whim. He was the King of the South , and your loyalty was to home. To your people.

To your knight, you thought furiously, Ser Midoriya’s tale taking center place once more.

"Good morning, Your Grace," you greeted curtly.

Bakugou continued to glare, eyes searching for a sign that you'll buckle. However, he seemed to find none, for he turned his head away with a huff.

"Mornin'," he grunted before making his way down the steps. Obnoxiously slow, obnoxiously loud.

He wore a fresh cape today, still sporting the blood red color of his House. His chest was still bare, still proudly exposing the tattoos he earned in battle (and yet shamefully, your cheeks flared as if it were all new). 

However, what was new was the chain he wore around his neck, made out of tiny sharp teeth.

The baby teeth of his dragon, perhaps?

When he reached the ground, the King's eyes immediately latched onto your knight, burning with an unmatched fury. 

"Deku," he growled. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

You noticed your knight's hands shaking by his sides, and so you interjected.

"He's my knight, and I asked him to help me train," you answered coolly. "What's it to you?"

The King barked out a laugh. " Right . I've seen the worm fight before." He inched closer intimidatingly. "More like you were training him ."

And then a sword appeared between you two.

"I'm a knight of the North now, Kacchan." Ser Midoriya's voice was tight but steady, and you saw Bakugou's eyes flare even more. "I must ask that you keep your distance from m'lady. She's already close enough to hear whatever you have to say."

The King's face twisted into a deadly scowl. "Stop calling me that! I'm a king-"

"But not his," you cut in, your own eyes piercing coldly into the dragon's. Ice to the fire. "Ser Midoriya belongs to the North now. Remember?"

You saw the King's scowl pinch in, just slightly before it turned into a cruel, arrogant smirk. 

"Must be where the cowards go."

Anger flared within you, contained only by the hard steel of the fox that protected your chest. In fear that you would snap and ruin the agreement before it was even written, you said nothing.

"You northerners won't last five seconds in the dragon caves," the King went on.

You felt a brow perch up, asking, "Oh? Is that what we're doing today?"

The King's scowl returned. "I told ya' I was gonna show you how we get blackstone, didn't I?"

"We’re going to mine blackstone?" you asked with genuine curiosity, anger gone for now. 

But, how ?

"Just come along, will ya'?" The King growled darkly before walking away.

The way he said it cowed you into obedience. You were both curious to see how the southerners attempted to mine, as well as the sudden seriousness that seemed to possess the King.

And in following him, you got to see the true power he welded.

Everywhere the Dragon King went, the people would stop. Women dropped to the floor in curtsies. Men would bend the knee. Knights and guards would stand at attention and salute, any hint of life gone in the presence of their liege.

You expected he liked it that way.

And how the King wouldn’t stop or even nod at his courtiers. Instead, he chose to act as if they didn't exist at all, keeping his head forward as he marched towards the gateway. It wasn’t until you were halfway there when you noticed…

“You don’t have a guard?” you asked curiously.

The King snorted. "Like to see someone try . In my own castle…”

Good point. Only a fool would dare to slay a dragon when they're in the belly of its lair.

The three of you reached the gateway, reintroduced to the sky once more, and the sight in front of you brought a smile to your face.

“Oh good! We’re riding there!” 

The first horse you saw was the one in front, a bay gelding with a tail that wouldn't stop flicking. The sootiness of his coat shined against the sunlight, bringing attention towards his strong legs and dark snout, his eyes dark as night. He wore a gold trimmed saddle with blood red padding, all bearing the sigil of a golden dragon breathing flame. 

The Dragon King's.

But then you spotted the light-gray mare behind him, her coat reminding you of snow. Not the pure white snow that blessed the North deep within the winter season, but the real snow you used to see every day; the slush that squished under your feet when you walked to the stables. The half-melted snow that cornered the gateway, forming into small mountains you and your brothers used to climb, and then later fall in. The dirty snow your older brother dared you to eat once (and you almost did, until mother saw you and screamed bloody murder).

It was the type of snow hardly anyone ever thought about.

And how the mare's eyes bled into yours, her stature unmoving and calm, her long tail occasionally flicking with the unearthed energy that she was, no doubt, reserving for the ride.

You walked past the King to greet her, making sure to keep to her side, so that her eyes could be on you as you approached carefully.

"Hello, there," you spoke to her in a gentle tone, holding a cautious hand to her nose so she could catch your scent.

She took some sniffs and sighed into your touch, her own sign of welcome. She then nudged her nose into your palm, urging you to pet her.

You let out a giggle at her persistence, finding a light-hearted joy you haven't felt in a very long time.

“I take it you like to ride, my lady?” a voice startled you, bringing you back to your surroundings. 

You didn't even notice the man next to you, which was saying something given his solid build and eccentric red hair. Everything about him read strong and warrior , yet he wore a gentle smile with kind eyes to match.

You bashfully answered. “As soon as I learned how to walk, I learned how to ride. The North is full of open land, you see. It’s far more practical to be on horseback than inside a carriage.”

The large man smiled, showing off his sparkling sharp teeth.

“You’ll like Yuki, then. She’s nice, but she sure likes to run.” The man patted the horse's neck affectionately. 

Your chest panged with heartbreak once more, as you remembered how you had to give up your own stead for the northern cause. 

Another sacrifice for the war.

The man turned towards you, and nodded his head in the form of a bow. “Kirishima Eijirou, if it pleases my lady.”

It was then that you spotted the gold broach holding the man’s cape together. It was a hand, palm open in a show of promise.

“You're the Hand?” you asked, surprised. But then again, perhaps it was unsurprising that someone like Bakugou Katsuki would want someone equally built along his side.

“Indeed, I am!" Kirishima cheerfully replied. "Sorry for not greeting you at the gate. We had a-”

“Oi, Ei!” The King barked. “Quit yapping and get on a damn horse!”

The Dragon King was already on his stead, ready to go.

“Best not to keep His Grace waiting,” you grumbled sarcastically.

Kirishima leaned towards you, whispering as if in conspiracy. “You’ll find that he’s more roar than bite, my lady. I promise.” He tossed you another smile before leaving to head to his own horse.

You felt your brows furrow in confusion. 

Somehow, you doubted that.

You mounted Yuki with ease, her steady nature being a welcomed gift after dealing with the fiery tempers of this morning.

And, you were sure, the fiery tempers you still had to deal with.

“M’lady is one of the best riders in the North!” Midoriya excitedly proclaimed, mounting his own horse clumsily. “She raced against all of the lords and knights of the land and beat them all! Even her lord brother.”

The King snarled. “As long as she’s better than you.”

Anger flared inside you, and quite suddenly, you felt the need for a challenge. “Have you ever raced against a northerner before, Your Grace?”

The King scoffed, jutting a thumb towards his chest as he bragged, “I’ve ridden dragons, Lady! I doubt you can beat me.”

You smirked.

“Well, there’s only one way to find out,” you said smoothly. Then without any warning, you hit your reins, urging your horse to run with a loud “Ya!”

And you left everyone in the dust.

You could hear the shouts of the King behind you. “Oi! This is cheating! Get your ass back here!” 

You also heard the cries of your knight. “M’lady, please! You can’t just leave like that!”

You looked back, catching the sorry sight of them struggling to catch up, and your laugh carried you over to the other side of the Bridge. Out of mercy (and also because you genuinely did not know the way), you slowed Yuki down to stop.

The King caught up to you within a second, halting right next to you. 

“That doesn’t count!” he scolded, eyes burning angrily into yours.

You rolled eyes and shrugged. “It was a joke, Your Grace. Nothing more…”

He scoffed, melted gaze fading into curiosity. You felt his eyes stray to your posture, how posed you looked on a horse, but then they stopped at your chestplate.

"You wearing that for the whole day?" he asked you calmly.

For some unknown reason, you felt a prickle of nervousness creep up to the back of your neck. "Yes, Your Grace. I was planning on it."

You watched as Bakugou's brow arched up, his face contorting into a look of confusion and disgust.

He thought you were stupid.

But just as quickly as the expression appeared, it fell as you heard him grumble quietly, "Fine. It's your funeral."

Then he rode his horse ahead of you, leading the way, and as you watched his retreating form, you couldn't help but ponder over his sudden cut off from you.

It was almost as if he were disappointed in you.

And then you found yourself questioning your choice, wondering if perhaps it was a stupid idea, wearing a chestplate on a day like this.

You were starting to feel it- the strong band of heat trapped inside the plate. The weight of it was starting to drag you down, and when you looked, you saw that no one else was wearing anything to a similar degree. Even your knight, who wore his whole uniform on the very first day, was now only wearing his pauldrons over a light shirt.

Doubt started to sink in, and your fingers started to play at the clasps holding the plate together.

Can't breathe-

All of the air suddenly escaped from your lungs, like you were punched in the gut, forcing you to take a greedy breath in. The chill that tickled your skin returned, making the sweat that coated your skin turn ice cold. It was like a ghost was passing through you, inflicting you with the feeling of his bloodless fate.

So you decided to keep the chestplate on as you rode alongside your party, more of the King's soldiers following close behind.

Silence filled the time of the journey, as dirt and land started to give away to sand, beach rocks, and tall grass peeking through it. Even though this was in the Southlands, you felt as if Tochiryuu was an island, a place of its own with nothing but the things inside it; the beat of the sun, the white of the sand, and the roar of the ocean that was slowly growing bigger and bigger, its water twinkling like it was made out of stars.

Maybe the sea wasn’t such a sorry sight after all. 

And as you turned your head around, marveling at the beauty of the beach. You couldn’t help but think there was a battle here, not that long ago.

“So, tell me about Sunset Beach.”

A wave of tension seemed to pass through the King and his Hand, and for a moment, you thought perhaps you got it wrong.

“This is where you had your big victory, yes?” you asked the King directly.

His crimson eyes seemed to darken into the color of blood as they peeked back at you.

“Aye,” was all he said.

You huffed. "Well, King of Victory. Wouldn't you like to tell me how you earned the name?”

Surely he expected you to ask about it?

But oddly enough, the Dragon King didn’t reply. He just turned away and completely ignored you.

You didn’t understand. You'd imagined an arrogant man like Bakugou Katsuki wouldn't dare miss the opportunity to brag. Was his success exaggerated? Or was the battle more gruesome than how the songs described it to be?

Either way, you got it wrong, and you found yourself looking back at Ser Midoriya for guidance. But, he looked just as puzzled as you, his face scrunched up in deep concern as he met your gaze.

The heat within your chestplate started to curl up and tighten your throat. You suddenly felt panicked at the idea that the King didn’t like you. Personally, you wouldn’t have cared. You didn’t necessarily like him either, but your country was on the line. The King could decide not to follow through on the agreement. You needed to stay in good graces, at least until the bloody contract was signed and you could get the hell out of here.

You decided the best route was to just keep your mouth shut for the rest of the journey, and try to impress later.

“Have you been to the caves yet, my lady?” Kirishima suddenly asked you. He sounded kindly, and he even slowed his horse down so he could be by your side, better to hear you.

So much for keeping your mouth shut.

You swallowed down your reluctance to speak. “Not yet, but I’ve read about them, my lord.”

You eyed the King warily before going on. “The caves live just south of the Arashi Mountains. Not only are they the only known caves that hold blackstone, but they are home to many other gems as well- blood rubies, yellow diamonds. But…” You looked back at Kirishima. “But because of all of that, they're a natural attraction for dragons.”

Kirishima nodded. “That’s right. Dragons love treasure. Many of them end up making their nests in the caves. They're crawling with them.” And then, perhaps fearing that the comment would scare you, the lord backtracked. “B-But not to worry! The King and I have been in the caves many times. Right, Your Grace?!”

The King grumbled under his breath before begrudgingly replying, “Know ‘em like the back of my hand.”

“I trust you,” you told Kirishima, but your eyes did briefly wander over to the Dragon King.

The Arashi Mountains grew bigger. You could now pick out the lines of smoke that punctured various corners, curling up into the sky and beyond it, making the peaks disappear. The stormy-black of the rock seemed to swallow the sun that touched it, painting its entire aura gray. You caught the smaller pieces of rock circling around the base, how jagged and sharp they appeared to be as they covered the pitch-back that was the entrance to the caves.

You then spotted the white tents lined up around it, the small ants of men moving about to the faint sound of metalwork, as more lines of smoke traveled up from the ground, signaling the presence of bonfire.

But then a mighty roar vibrated through the sky. You looked up behind you and saw a tiny black speck flying, growing bigger and bigger until you struggled to see under the brightness of the sun. You felt a rush of wind fan your cheeks and whip through your hair, and the darkness the dragon brought shielded you from the torture as it flew over you. As it passed, you saw the familiar colors; red shimmering into black and green as it headed towards the mountains before you, letting out another roar as the dragon reached its home.

You saw the King smirk with pride.

"Katsuko" he greeted.

"Yours?" you asked.

The King whipped his head towards you, and for a moment you thought he would ignore you again or at least give you another half-ass answer, but pride seemed to take over. He boasted,"Of course. It's only right that the King has the best dragon."

"Is he the biggest?"

Bakugou snorted, hopping off the horse to walk the rest of the way towards the caves. "For his age. He’ll only grow bigger as he gets older, don’t worry."

You weren’t.

Truthfully, you weren’t too keen on the dragons yet. You admitted they were beautiful creatures and that they held a charming sense of power and grace when they flew in the air, beyond any danger or limitation. But you faintly wondered about the consequences of taming such a beast…

You went to unmount as well when a dizzy spell hit you, knees buckling as your feet touched ground. You held onto the saddle to keep yourself steady.

Ser Midoriya raced to your side when he noticed. “M’lady! Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, ser,” you gritted determinedly, still feeling light-headed. 

“Are… are you sure you need the chestplate, m’lady?” Midoriya asked quietly. “If it’s your safety you're worried about, don’t worry! I’m sure Kacchan knows what he’s doing, and I’m here-”

“I said I’m fine, ser,” you seethed, hating to snap at him, but now the ghostly feeling has increased tenfold, from brushing against your shoulders to now trapping you in a bear hug, whispering in your ear…

Can't breathe…

You squirmed under its warning.

Your eyes peeked open to find Ser Midoriya staring at you in worry.

You gave a short, exasperated sigh. “I’m sorry, but my gut is telling me to keep the plate on and so it stays on. And that’s that.”

Ser Midoria nodded silently in agreement, although the worry was still plain on his face.

You both followed behind the King and His Hand, who were currently being greeted by a familiar face.

“Ah, great! The Dragon Whisperer has arrived.” Kaminari approached, a wide grin on his face as he bowed to the King.

Bakugou grunted in response and simply moved past him, heading towards a large slab of stone set in the middle of the base, sanded down so that it resembled a table. Some men were huddled around it, but quickly stepped aside for him. You had a feeling if they didn’t, the King would’ve just plowed through them anyway.

Lord Kaminari didn’t seem phased however, and instead his gaze landed on you.

“My lady,” he said with another bow. “I hope your ride was pleasant.”

“Better than the carriage,” you muttered grumpily.

It was true. Although the heat was gruesome and it was currently racing through your veins like snake venom, it was still a better journey. Afterall, you had yet to throw up.

A canteen floated right in front of your face. You grabbed at it- delighted to find it was real - and saw that it was your knight that gave it to you, worry still etched onto his face.

You ignored it, and drank out of the canteen heavily, fresh water flowing down your throat and branching through the rest of your body in heavenly relief.

You wanted to pass it back to Ser Midoriya, but he beated you to it by insisting you needed to catch up to the King, who was studying the slab. As you went to do so, you eagerly eyed the men working on the tools- pickaxes, hammers, and spears you quickly noted. You squinted in on them, and was shocked to find they were working with steel. Not blackstone.

Then, how?

You reached the King, approaching on his left. You looked down, curious of the source of his attention, and saw that the slab was carved with many lines, some short and some stretching to the opposite side, all of them connecting like the roots of a tree. At certain points, there were names, some of them faded so that you had to squint to read- Kinba, Shiroi Tsubasa, Kanibaru -and some of them were new, freshly carved- Musouka, Katsuko …

It was a map… and the names must be where the dragons live.

"So, which path are we taking?” you asked.

Bakugou huffed, dragging a finger from the older end, passing through Kanibaru and following the main line all the way down until reaching Katsuko , and then Musouka .

Your heart dropped to the bottom of your stomach.

“We’re going through their nests?” you asked in quiet horror.

“That’s how we find blackstone,” the King shrugged, as if it were no big deal. “The dragons are attracted to it, so they nest where it’s at.”

“And luckily for us, Musouka’s expanding her home!” Kirishima joyfully informed you. “She must be laying eggs soon.”

“‘Means she’ll be even more territorial,” the King grumbled. “We have to be careful bringing Katsuko in there.”

“We’re bringing Katsuko?” you asked.

“‘Need him to melt down the rock,” the King answered before turning towards Kaminari. “Oi! Where’s Musouka now?!”

“On flight, Your Grace. The watchtower last reported her heading east.”

“Then we need to move now,” the King stated, and in the wink of an eye, everyone did, and with such urgency that you found yourself looking in every direction, utterly lost.

“W-Wait! What if she comes back?!” Ser Midoriya cried, looking just as confused as you.

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you know,” Kaminari winked, handing each of you a torch, top end wrapped in cloth and reeking of alcohol. A heavy pack was suddenly tossed your way, and you peered inside it to find a pickaxe, rope, gloves, and a fresh canteen.

“You’ll also need this. The smell is quite strong down there.” Kaminari then handed each of you a large white cloth. 

You gave a good whiff and found that the putrid scent of the mountains, which was once tolerable in the city, was now churning deeply in your stomach.

Oh, you can not throw up again.

You secured the cloth over your nose and mouth, as tightly as you could. Then, you faced the pitch black of the cave’s entrance. No torches lined up against the wall, nor any wagon tracks. The only physical sign that man has been in that cave before was the slab of rock right next you.

Steeling yourself, as much as you could with the heat and the smell, you marched towards the black, but as soon as you met Kirishima at the entrance, you heard something big walking up behind you. 

You turned to find none other than Katsuko the Dragon, being way too close to your comfort with the King riding on top of him, looking as smug as ever, even with the cloth over his mouth.

It made you feel more sick than the stench ever could.

You all scrambled to get out of the way as Katsuko continued to march past you. 

“Just follow me, northerners, and you’ll be fine,” the Dragon King bragged.

Torches lit, you, Midoriya, and Kirishima silently walked behind Katsuko, who led the way. Wings tucked and body flat, the dragon scurried through the tunnels almost like a lizard, his tail slithering after him.

As rock and dirt crunched under your feet, you observed the walls around you, your torch light capturing the indented black that swallowed you whole, its tiny glimmers shining from your fire. It looked solid. Strong. And yet you knew you could easily take your pickaxe and pick a piece off.

It wasn’t blackstone. Blackstone only shined in sunlight.

Your eyes strayed down to find a white line of rope tied to the sides, a bell attached every few inches. You followed the line all the way until darkness stopped you.

Kaminari.

That’s what he meant. If Musouka comes back, he’ll pull the rope and ring the bells.

You all continue your path silently, letting the distant echoes of the cave consume you. It was somehow calming, the sound of the caves; the small drip of water from somewhere in the dark, the small roar of fire that came from your torches, the small shuffles of your footsteps, even the small sounds of Katsuko as he sniffed and scampered his way ahead.

All of these small sounds being casted out into the vibrant air of the cave, traveling through and meeting into one singular song. It gave you this strange, lulling sense of tranquility, one you were only familiar with through the whispering woods of home.

You hated to interrupt it, but you had questions.

“Why aren’t we using the blackstone tools?”

Everyone stopped to look at you. Even Katsuko.

“What blackstone tools?!” The King barked, the echoes of the cave capturing his voice and making it louder.

And it was such an offensive response that you couldn’t help but stare at him, speaking full of snark. “You know, the ones my family made…"

The Blacksmith's Hammer. The Anvil. The Five Pickaxes. Tools that have been passed down to your family for generations, that is, until the truce was broken.

“Eh?” the King asked. “Why the hell would we have those?!”

All you could do was look blankly ahead, the flare of your annoyance washed away into stupor.

“You… you don’t have them?” you asked quietly, fear and heartbreak creeping in with the thought that your ancestor’s creations may be gone for good.

“No, my lady.” Lord Kirishima shook his head . “At least, not us nor the Old Lord.”

“Do…" Your throat clogged with emotion, forcing you to clear it out and adjust your mask. "Do you think the Dragon Queen did something to them?”

“I wouldn’t know, my lady.” Kirishima shook his head again, sadly .

You let the sharp pain of grief curl up around your throat before stubbornly swallowing it down, ceasing the sting in your eyes along with it.

“That’s why our pickaxes are plain,” you roughed out, continuing your walk. "And why we need Katsuko to melt down the stone."

Dragon fire.

Except for blackstone itself, it's the only thing that can affect it. Without the Blacksmith’s tools, it would be the only option.

"And what do we do if we run into a stray?" you asked nervously.

No one answered.

Swallowing down the lump in your throat, you took the silence for what it was and moved along.

You let your hand brush along the cave wall, feeling the coarseness scratch along your palm, and you wondered distractedly, how far down were you? Then, how far down did the tunnels go? You haven’t even passed through the first dragon’s nest yet…

The sound of your footsteps began to grow louder, crunchier , and then,

Snap.

Startled, you looked down, absent mindedly thinking you somehow stepped on a twig.

But that couldn’t be right.

And when you brought your torch down to the ground, you saw it- the stick of bone white, coated with ash.

You swallowed down your fear over the sickening realization that, you were getting close.

“Kanibaru. That’s the first nest, yes?”" you asked nervously.

The King rumbled, “Aye.”

“And, do we need to worry about him?”

He let out a snort. “Kanibaru’s been dead for years, lady. We’ll be fine.”

"Not too far now, m’lady," Kirishima assured you.

You looked over towards your knight, who's been oddly silent since entering the caves, his eyes downcasted in deep thought.

“Are you alright, ser?”

Midoriya blinked, startled back to reality by your voice. “Oh! Y-Yes, m’lady. I was just pondering over the name.”

“Kanibaru?”

Ser Midoriya nodded solemnly. “Cannibal.”

Ice cold dread ran through your veins, making you feel cold once again despite the warmth of your armor.

The temperature of the air was fine, but the strong stench of dragon was fully watering your eyes now. You found yourself furiously wiping away your tears with your arm.

“Watch your feet!” the King called behind him.

You immediately looked down, seeing the bones in Kirishima’s torchlight. No longer were they fragments, hidden in the earth, but fully exposed and bigger.

And bigger…

Bones grew and multiplied. While once you were watching your step, now you were actively maneuvering around them- stepping over a ribcage only to narrowly avoid what appeared to be a broken sheep skull.

But then the bones went on, until they formed tiny mountains of their own and it was impossible to ignore the sickening crunches and snaps that formed under your feet, as you had no choice but to fully step on them now. 

And then you reached the nest.

Large white pillars sat on both ends, forcing Katsuko to tighten himself so he could crawl under it while Bakugou ducked, the rest of you huddling closer into the center. As you carefully stepped through, you looked up, seeing the roof that was the spine. And once you passed the pillars and the broken off roof, there were a few steps of nothing, and then…

The skull. 

It was facing away from you, so you couldn’t quite see it in all its glory yet, but Katsuko could, and he didn't like it. The dragon growled softly at the bone, sniffing at it and nudging it with his nose before his jaw opened slightly, growl growing louder and more rattled.

“Oi, Katsuko,” The Dragon King warned, “Rybas.”

The dragon let out another growl before turning his head and continuing walking.

And when you circled around the great white marble, you caught the side of the jaw, and then, the heavy spears of the teeth. The ones toward the front of the mouth were chipped off and broken, but the ones towards the back were completely intact, and so large- you imagined all it took was one strong bite for any prey to be turned into a slush of meat.

Your eyes traveled up the eye sockets, the one on the right torn and shattered all the way down the cheek.

The final bite that killed it.

When your fascination began to drag you behind, Ser Midoriya grabbed your elbow, nervously urging, “C’mon, m’lady! Best to keep moving.”

Sweat coated the palm holding your torch. You grasped it tighter, suddenly fearful of any small sound that passed through, your peace dampened with the idea that a dragon had no qualms killing one of its own.

But the bones soon disappeared, and the regular pathway of the tunnels returned, turning your thought into nothing but a shadow in your own mind.

Your chestplate grew heavier and heavier the farther you went down, and soon you found yourself being the last one in the group. At least, you would’ve been, if Ser Midoriya didn’t insist on staying by your side, making sure you were keeping up. 

And you tried to, you really did, but the weight of the chestplate felt heavier than stone, and every slight breeze that passed through seemed to tickle the back of your neck and crawl down to the bottom of your spine, making you shiver as the haunting came back again and again.

You kept waiting for the bells to ring, or worse, the small rumblings of a beast to poke through.

But besides the sounds of your party passing through, there was nothing, and Katsuko seemed to not be worried at all. In fact, he seemed to be going faster now, eager to reach his own domain.

The pathway began to grow wider. You, Midoriya, and Kirishima now free to walk with a bit of space, nothing but the darkness of the void and the small specks of torchlight warding it off, until Katsuko suddenly took a left turn, leaving you all chasing to follow.

The dragon took a few more steps then abruptly stopped, causing a domino effect for Kirishima, Midoriya, and you.

Katsuko grumbled softly again, flapping his wings slightly as he entered his own home. The white pieces of bone once again resurfaced from the ground, this time, only the remains of sheep scattered along with it.

But glittering light soon caught your eye, and you squinted closely to see the shadows of gold. You brought your torch in front of you, illuminating the hoard of treasure in all of its sparkling glory; not only gold, but diamonds and rubies as well, all hidden safely within the darkness of the caves and further protected by its owner, Katsuko The Dragon himself.

“Don’t you dare touch any of it,” The King commanded, yelling over his shoulder. “This is his , got it?!”

You nodded silently in agreement.

You lingered on the treasure until your eyes traveled up, meeting the giant hole in the wall.

“Is this where you got the blackstone for your throne?” you asked innocently.

“Aye,” the King grumbled. 

If they had the Anvil, they would’ve been able to make more tools…

Katsuko suddenly decided that he had enough walking for the day. He marched up to his hoard and started digging into it.

“Katsuko,” the King scolded. “Naejot!”

Katsuko ignored him and continued to dig.

Bakugou huffed, annoyed. “Katsuko, dohaeras. Naejot!”

Katsuko grumbled, before turning it into a growl, and then, a sharp whine. His tail swung out dangerously, whipping left and right,  hitting the cave walls.

You backed away nervously, as Ser Midoriya pulled you back even more, behind him.

“Oi,” the Dragon King warned. He started speaking in full sentences, in the language you didn’t understand.

But Katusko cocked his head, listening. Then, with a great huff, he turned around and continued down the path towards Musouka’s domain.

By now, the smell was so strong, your nostrils burned. You tightened the tie on your cloth to no avail, stuck with the stench attacking your nose hairs, and the long journey wasn't just weighing on Katsuko. Everyone was starting to feel fatigued, tension and impatience was starting to build in the air, and you feared that a single sneeze would cause the King to snap at you.

"Getting close…" he grumbled, stretching out his back while Katsuko carried him.

Easy for him to say. He didn't have to walk…

But then, shortly afterward, the King was proven right. You arrived.

Musouka’s home was definitely the biggest you’ve seen so far, with gold and jewels completely blocking the walls with its tall peaks, while bones and carcasses painted the floor, all of it forming into one very large nest of treasure and death.

Katsuko rumbled greedily as heavy steam began to leak out of his nostrils, with his tail slithering sinfully to and fro.

"Katsuko, umbas."

The dragon grumbled, shaking his head at the command, before begrudgingly, sitting himself down, staying.

The Dragon King hopped off his back, heading towards the back wall to move all the gold. Kirishima moved to help him, while you and Ser Midoriya held your torches high so they could see.

They exposed the smooth, black surface of the wall, not a single hint of shimmer reflected anywhere.

You walked up to touch it, feeling the familiar smoot-yet-rough scratch as it grazed your palm.

Blackstone.

“Get your asses back,” the King told everyone, and once again, you felt Ser Midoriya gently guide you back, making you to be the farthest away from the wall.

You peeked over Midoriya’s shoulder, watching Bakugou walk up to Katsuko, standing by his side.

“Katsuko.”  The King nodded towards the wall. “Dracarys.”

Katsuko scrunched his neck, growling deeply as a burning ball of flame formed deep in his throat.

Then, the dragon roared with all his might, a great wave of fire shooting out of his mouth and hitting the wall in all its fury.

The whole cave seemed to come to life, suddenly illuminated by the dragon fire as every shadow disappeared, and all the smell of dragon was burned to a crisp, replaced entirely by the smell of fire. The dry heat was hitting your face, burning your cheeks and making your heart pound furiously in your chest, its thump bumping the steel fox in front of it.

Then the roar died, the cave returned to darkness once more, and the wall of blackstone now glowed a fiery red.

“Quick! Put your gloves on and start picking at it!” Kirishima shouted, hurrying to do the very thing himself.

You threw down your bag, and dug in for the gloves, made from a very thick leather and a bit too big for your hands, but you put them on, grabbed your pickaxe, and ran to the wall.

“Careful. Don’t let the stone touch you,” the King warned. “Only grab it by the glove, got it?”

“Aye,” you answered him, moving to take a swing.

You managed to pick a chunk off, much to your delight. You grabbed it carefully with your gloved hand, and ran back to grab your bag- deciding to put the rock in there once it cooled.

You all kept picking at the blackstone, slowly gathering as much as you could in silence. The wall was now chunked to pieces, while the rest of it began to cool, the glow of dragon fire beginning to fade away.

You went to take what was maybe your last swing, and then…

A low, soft rumble echoed quietly down the tunnel.

You froze.

"Stop!" you whisper-cried, panicked.

Everyone halted, and listened.

But there was nothing.

“Calm your nervous ass!” The King yelled at you.

“I heard something,” you insisted.

The King rolled his shoulders back, eyeing the progress on the wall. “Probably a rat. If it’s anything else, Katsuko will let us know.”

Your ax felt numb in your hands. You stood there, petrified. You knew you heard something, but everyone else went back to work, swinging at the stone. Prickled flesh ran up your arms,  your shoulders, your neck.

Nothing but silence.

Then a deaf defying screech pierced through the air as a large blue dragon jumped out from a deep crack from within the wall. It launched itself onto Katsuko, and everything went to chaos. The torches went out. The roars and screams of the dragons bombarded the tunnel as they tumbled and rolled over one another, their fight illuminated only by the breaths of fire they were spitting at one another.

You heard Midoriya from afar, but you couldn’t find him.

“My lady! My lady!”

“Midoriya!” you called back, trying to run towards the voice, but then the large thwack of a tail came from somewhere above, forcing you to duck and cover our head as rock rained down. When you felt it stop, you got up and went to keep running, the sounds of the dragon fight still lively behind you.

Before you could even take a step, something hit you strongly in the chest, knocking all the air out of your lungs. Another thwack of a dragon tail. It sent you flying into a wall, its impact strong.

And then, black.

You didn’t know how long you were asleep. All you knew is that you blinked your eyes open, only to find that you still couldn’t see. Everything was black, your chest hurt like hell, and when you took your first breath, a sharp pain shot up from its right side. As you layed there, on the ground, face cloth lost somewhere in the struggle, you pinched your eyes shut and focused on breathing slow and even, hand naturally clutching the place of injury. You could feel the metal of your chestplate, now dented and digging into you.

“Help,” you whimpered, desperately hoping someone could hear you. But you heard no voices, no footsteps, and the sound of the dragon fight was long gone.

How long has it been?

Clenching your teeth, knowing it was going to be a bitch, you shot yourself up, immediately crying out from pain.

But you had to move. So you felt around you, thankfully finding a wall. You leaned against it for support, pulling yourself up, the sharp pain stabbing you from the inside. Sweat poured freely from your body, your forehead utterly slick with it as you just stayed there for a moment, focusing on your breath before you took one step. Two.

“Midoriya,” you tried calling out, the sound of you bouncing down the tunnels, but nothing came back.

What happened to him? To the others? Did they get blocked off from the fight? Crushed by the falling rock? Or did the dragons…?

You swallowed down your agony. You could not dwell over the fate of your poor knight. Not now. Now you had to figure out what to do.

You didn’t know where to go. You couldn’t even see , but you knew you couldn’t stay. Not when a dragon could come by any minute. You remembered, Musouka’s nest was the farthest one on the map. Depending which side you ended up on, you would either be heading towards the exit or heading deeper into the cave, into untrodden territory.

“Fuck,” you groaned, anguished over your predicament.

Sending a quick prayer to the old gods, you began your journey into the darkness, alone. Thankfully, besides your chest and the throbbing bump on your head, you felt fine, so you stumbled your way down, keeping a hand along the wall and your ears open for any sign of life.

You don’t know how long you spent walking, as time seemed endless in the caves. Five minutes could’ve been thirty. Thirty minutes could’ve just been five. The only hint of time you had was the soreness of your feet and the all-over ache of your body.

You wondered what your father would say, if he could see you now. Would he scold you for being stupid? For ever going into a dragon cave to begin with? Would he disown you for ever stepping foot in the Southlands? Perhaps, if things turned more sinister, you would know soon enough.

A sickening crunch halted your thoughts, and you froze, listening.

Let it be a footstep, let it be one of the others .

But then a low growl rumbled through the night, soft and slow, like the creaking of a mill. It crushed your hopes and filled them with terror. 

Goosebumps ran up your flesh as your breath quickened. The thrumming pain of your ribs seemed to echo the beat of your heart as you could feel the strong pulse of your blood racing through your veins.

You reached for your sword, but paused.

Only a fool would dare to slay a dragon when they're in the belly of its lair.

And then you could finally see again as the dragon opened its jaw, a dim ball of light starting to brew within it. You could see the outline of its teeth, just as big as the skeleton you saw eons ago. As the fire grew, rumbling deep with the dragon’s throat, more was illuminated for you; the beady eyes staring directly at you, the blue scales glimmering into green.

“You must be Musouka,” was all you were able to say, coming to the conclusion that this was your fate.

The dragon released a sizzling exhale, hot ghastly air steaming out of its nostrils and onto your face and hair. It gave another low rumble, as if agreeing with you.

The rumbling began to crank up, growing louder as the jaw was released more, fire growing brighter as the full, monstrously beautiful face of Musouka was revealed, her fire reflecting in her eyes as she inched closer to you, sharp claws digging through the earth.

Yes, I am Musouka, mother dragon to be, you imagined her saying.

And you are a stranger in my home.

As you closed your eyes, waiting for the inevitable, a soft melody seemed to echo from somewhere beyond. You thought it was a part of your imagination, that your mind was simply conjuring up a sweet, distant mirage before you faced a gruesome death.

But then you felt Musouka cock her head to the side, listening as well. The silkened words grew closer, more present.

When you felt her finally looked away, you opened your eyes, and you were glad you did, because you would’ve never believed it if you hadn’t. 

Blonde hair peeked from within the soft glow of his own torch flame, crimson eyes reflecting its ferocity as the Dragon King stepped up, bringing Musouka’s attention fully on him.

He didn’t seem scared as he sang his sweet song. He seemed calm, confident, and strong. He stood his ground as Musouka drew near, and it was like his honeyed words only grew more powerful as she did so.

The blood of the dragon…

The fire in the King’s eyes seemed to match Musouka’s completely, the only proof of the invisible string connecting them. The song was so hypnotic, it felt like it would never end. An endless song of beauty that could never be broken, like the bond between a dragon and its rider.

It is magic. It must be, you thought.

But as endless as the song felt, Musouka suddenly turned her head away from the King and from you. She went up to another deep crack within the wall. She folded her wings and flattened herself before scurrying inside the broken rock, sharp tail slithering away and disappearing with her.

You felt the magic disappear, broken for good, and your senses returned to you as you begrudgingly stood up straight, feeling the throb of your knees, shaking.

You were now alone with the King. A heavy silence passed through the both of you as you worked on regaining your nerve.

“Thank you for that.”

The King grunted, as if it were no big deal. “You okay?”

You found yourself nodding, “Yea-Yes. I’m fine. I think I have a broken rib, but that’s the worst of it. Thank you, again.”

His eyes seemed to wonder over you, checking for himself. They simmered over you head-to-toe, making you shiver under its gravity. Then they lingered over your damaged chestplate.

“Here,” he spoke quietly, moving to undo it for you. You grabbed his torch for him, as he worked to undo the clasps, freeing you from the literal weight on your shoulders as the warmth of his proximity brushed your skin.

Feeling your cheeks flared, you stumbled for a distraction. "H-How did you find me?"

"Told ya', didn't I?" He carefully guided the plate over your head, granting your freedom, as he met your curious eyes. "I know these caves like the back of my hand."

Cheeks flared again once he reminded you.

Of course he knew where to go. He was the Dragon King.

“Let’s go,” he said gruffly, stepping away and taking the torch from you and handing back your chestplate in return.

Before you could even ponder over the lost proximity, he grabbed your free hand and started dragging you away.

He led you through the dark, and feeling just utterly helpless and out of your depth, you let him, putting all of your trust and dependency on the Dragon King as he guided you through the caves, occasionally halting to listen, occasionally pulling you left and right on a random notice.

And perhaps because your mind was tired and numb and you finally felt a sense of safety again, but your thoughts began to wander, fading into faint dreams of the stories you grew up with, of the Blacksmith and the Queen. Perhaps the Blacksmith got lost in the caves the first time around and the Dragon Queen had to rescue him, just like this. You imagined that this was how their friendship was formed, with trust being put into one another and the threat of death waking them up from their ignorant and childish feud. Maybe this was how the idea of the Bridge came to be…

Through the rush of being pulled this way and that, and your mind being lost in its fruitless thoughts, the rustling in your ears came forefront. The sound of the whispering trees bending violently in the wind, their words growing louder…

A broken oath…

A dragon only knows greed…

What do they know of honor …

“Head in the clouds and ears in the trees," your father's voice whispered.

You reached fresh air, and you found yourself gasping for it greatly. The muffledness of your mind faded away, making everything clear the more you breathed. You hardly even noticed Ser Midoriya fretting over you, his mouth moving in frantic motions you couldn’t hear nor decipher. You did however see the tear tracks staining his cheeks.

“She’s got a broken rib,” you heard the King say behind you, his voice low and close. “We should take her to the maester.”

A blanket was pulled over your shoulders, and you realized then that, you two weren’t holding hands anymore as the palm that was once in his now felt cool and naked. You tried to make up for the strange feeling of vulnerability by rubbing your palm against the blanket, willing it to go away.

How silly, you thought. Escaping into dreamland and fretting over his touch while he was just saving you.

“Oi! Dunce Face!”

You turned just in time to see the King grab onto Lord Kaminari, holding him up by the collar. “Why the hell didn’t you ring the bells?!”

“I did Your Grace! I was ringing thrm the whole time!” Kaminari screamed, holding his hands up in front of him in mercy. “Something must’ve happened to the rope.”

It occured to you quickly.

“Katsuko," your voice croaked.

Both Kaminari and the King paused to look at you.

You cleared your throat, speaking again. “It must’ve broken off when he swung his tail.”

Realization dawned on the King’s face, as Kaminari slipped away from his grasp, retreating.

"Did… did you at least get any blackstone?" The lord asked hopefully.

You looked towards everyone you went into the caves with.

Midoriya looked down, defeated.

Kirishima rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

And the King… The King looked ready to kill.

You don't know what came over you. Maybe you were coming down from the highs of what happened, maybe you were just overwhelmed with the relief of being alive, or maybe you simply found the irony out of the situation, but you started to laugh; small giggles that bubbled out of your mouth soon became full-on laughter that hurt to do, but broken ribbed be damned. You couldn’t help it and you certainly couldn't stop it.

Everybody stared at you, not sure of what to do or how to read your reaction.

You finally calmed down, wiping a stray tear from your eye. "Well, Your Grace. If you wanted to prove the value of your people's work, you needn’t go to such extremes.”

The King simply looked at you, dumbfounded by your reaction.

You sighed, feeling tired and ready to go to bed.

“I would've believed you, if you simply told me,” you told him quietly, a smile on your face as Ser Midoriya guided you to one of the tents.

“Wait.”

You stopped and looked back, waiting for the King to say what he needed to.

“How’d you know to wear it?” He looked down at the chestplate, which was now in Midoriya’s grasp.

You looked at it briefly for a moment, the fox that was now covered in soot. Unsure of what to say, you looked back up at Midoriya, seeing the look of warning in his eye, his words from before coming into mind.

" If you ask about it, he'll deny it, m'lady. Kachaan thinks it makes him look superstitious…"

You looked back up at the King, and  shrugged innocently. 

“Just instinct, Your Grace.”

#bakugou x reader #bakugou x you #bakugou katuski x reader #katsuki x reader #bakugo x you #bakugo x reader #bakugou angst #bakugou romance #bakugou x y/n #bakugou katsuki x you #catduet writes

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

#before i maybe get yelled at: #1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even #though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism #2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them #3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have #encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in #nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally #about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person. #4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces #and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too. #5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided #tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla #6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things. #7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl #i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know? #8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this #nyarla dni #<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks