#'OOC; She Honestly Has No Self Control'
Text
A New Diagnosis
Pairing: Joel Miller x autistic daughter!reader
Summary: I have an idea. Joel Miller x daughter!reader, based in the camps they had everyone in after the outbreak(so a couple days after Sarah’s death technically) and the reader is a high functioning autistic who stims. So when they get to the camp and because of all the stress she has been under, it’s causing her stimming to flare up like crazy. So Joel and Tommy had to beg and plead to the soldiers, trying to let them know she is autistic and she wasn’t infected, that she just can’t control her stims.
Warnings: Angst, crying, cussing, stimming(not really a warning but its in the story), overstimulated meltdown, denial, most likely inaccurate chain of command about construction work or construction jobs in general, might be a little ooc Joel in one scene I’m not completely sure but it feels like it and I hate it😠😤.
A/N: the reader symptoms and preferences are based on my own, which is also where this idea came from. Ever since the show came out I just wondered what did they do to the people with ticks and stims at the beginning of the outbreak. I mean they eventually had to come up with a way to tell a difference in the beginning of the outbreak before they had the infection detector things, right?
I honestly might rewrite this because I don’t know if I like how this turned out. Usually I’m pretty good at picturing what characters would say in a certain situation, but there’s one part of the fic that I’m not so sure about( you’ll know it when you read it I’m sure). But it’s crazy because I’ve been living like this since the ages of 4 or 5 and it still extremely difficult to describe stimming, even harder writing about it. But I wish I had a Joel Miller parent so I guess I’m projecting a bit in this fic. And this may also be longest fic yet.
So I decided to make this into two parts because I want this posted today because it was supposed to be out yesterday and I don’t want to wait any longer.
Mockingbird (Part 2)
Taglist: @miss-celestial-being @ilovemydinoboi @taraiel @distorted-twink @geralallfandoms @your-shifting-gurl @daemontargaryenwhore @mihstar
What started out as a regular day went to hell in the span of a couple hours. I mean homes being set on fire, families separated, innocents slaughtered due to the fear of a sickness they had no cure for. But I’m getting ahead of myself, aren’t I? Let’s start from the beginning. My name is (Y/n) Miller, and this is the story of how everything went to shit.
I was only 4.
As a kid you’re oblivious to almost everything, but sometimes a child’s behavior can reflect the type of day the family will have whether they realize it or not. And my attitude had been off all that week, until my father’s birthday aka outbreak day. I called it the calm before the storm. That week I was in an overall bad mood. All of my senses had been on high, being overstimulated plus the struggle of always being alone in school. I mean don’t get me wrong I use to talk to some of my classmates, but most likely than not I would’ve been playing by myself either from trying to avoid the bullies or because nobody wanted to play with me in general. But hey, you can’t miss what you’ve never had. I never really understood people, I still don’t but I had my family and they always made everything okay. They never made me feel different about myself. Regardless of me being only four, I understood that the repetitive behaviors were definitely not normal. Along with the what I now know as stimming; physical, vocal, scripting, ticking, etc. I could go on and on about everything that makes me different, but my family had always helped me feel normal. To be honest I didn’t start realizing I was doing all that stuff until one day my dad sat me down and asked me ‘what are you doing’ and ‘are you okay?’, which made me more self-aware. And then there was school, the weird looks and the mean jokes came into play. I’ve rarely caught my family staring, but I knew they were. Growing up and remembering the past helps you realize things you might’ve missed or didn’t understand as a kid. Like the concerned/confused stares I would catch my dad or uncle Tommy giving me before I was diagnosed. I just didn’t know what the looks were for. But the day my father finally decided something was indeed wrong, that it wasn’t just a phase, had him making an appointment to my clinic fast. It was the first time my stimming caused me serious pain. Well, from what I can remember anyway.
July 23, 2002 - Austin,Texas (Y/n is 3 years old)
The day started out like any other. I woke up in my sister’s bed, once I got my bearings I got out of the bed and headed down stairs to see my dad and my sister having one of their many daily debates
“I’m just saying your generations music has nothing on ours- (Y/N)!” After hearing Sarah saying your name, Joel turned around seeing you standing in the kitchen doorway rubbing your eye.
“Hey babygirl. Did you have a good sleep?” He asked as he turned off the stove top and went to pick you up.
“Mhm. I’m hungry, daddy.”
“That’s good because I just cooked your favorite breakfast.” He said as he kissed your cheek and sat you down in the chair across from Sarah, who got the two of you orange juice. Joel then went to grab the plates. There were eggs, sausage, french toast, and he sat a bowl of grapes next to you knowing how much you love them. You all started eating your breakfast. You went straight for the grapes and started eating them, until you spotted something that looked weird to you. Frowning, you push the bowl away and went to the food on your plate.
“Something wrong with your grapes?” Joel asked you noticing the way you frowned up.
“They dirty daddy.” Causing Joel to frown in confusion.
“Dirty? I just washed ‘em.” Joel leaned forward and grabbed the bowl and didn’t see anything abnormal about the grapes. The water in the bowl didn’t even black specs in it that grapes leave behind. “They look fine to me.”
“No. They dirty daddy, look.” Standing in your chair, you leaned over and pointed to a grape with a light brown streak on it and another where it was brown from where the stem was.
“Oh, that doesn’t mean they’re dirty, baby. Grapes just to look like that sometimes or because they’ve gotten older. That’s all.”
“Ew.” You mumbled.
“They’re gonna taste the same.” Joel said as he sat the bowl back down next to you.
“I don’t want them anymore.” You say pushing the grapes away.
“They’re fine, (n/n). I actually think the small brown areas actually make them sweater.” Sarah says trying to reassure her baby sister.
“No.” That was your final statement before you went back to eating the food on your plate.
“Ok, you don’t have to eat ‘em.” Joel states as him and Sarah go back to eating their own food.
———
“(Y/n)!!! Come back here!”
“No!”
“We go through this every time you use the bathroom!”
Sarah was currently chasing you around the house. A daily thing really, but for the last few months you have determined on not washing your hands after using the bathroom. And not with just Sarah. With Joel and Tommy too. Joel usually would have to keep a firm grip on you that disabled you from moving away from the sink, and to keep you from running or flailing your arms around as an attempt to keep him from making you wash your hands.
The first time that happened you guys were at a restaurant. He would be surprised if that whole side of the restaurant didn’t hear you,
“Daddy, I have to use the bathroom.”
“Ok.” Usually he would have Sarah take you but her and Tommy’s food had made it to the table. And since he was still waiting on his, there was no sense in stopping her from eating. He took you out of the high chair, and you two headed to the restroom. After the long process of putting toilet paper on the seat, he sat you on the seat and let you do your business. Once you were finished cleaning yourself up and him flushing the toilet, he waited for you to go towards the sink. But you headed towards the door instead.
“Don’t forget to wash your hands.” Joel said from his spot on the wall he was leaning on with his arms crossed.
Turning towards the sink, you clasped your hands to your chest, letting out a low groan of disgust.
“What is it?”
“I don’t want to touch it.”
“What the sink?” You nodded.
“You have to wash your hands, babygirl. Come on.”
“No.” You whined, and Joel knew then the two of you were going to have a problem.
“Babygirl, please.” He said in a pleading tone and tired tone.
“No!” Joel sighed then picked you up and held you over the sink as he usually would when washing your hands, but this time due to your decision of fighting and squirming in his arms, he had to get a gentle but firm grip on your hands to wash them himself.
“(Y/n).” That caused you to stop in your tracks. The sound was unfamiliar until your mind put together it was your father’s voice. He never says your actual name unless you were in trouble, and even then it would depend. But him calling your name was enough time for Sarah to scoop you up and head to the nearest sink which was the kitchen.
Sarah sat you down after she finished washing your hands. After getting free you pouted and went into the living room to continue playing with your toys before your bladder interrupted you. So invested in what you were doing, you didn’t even hear your Uncle Tommy come in the house.
“What’s for dinner today?” He teased, rubbing the top of yours and Sarah’s head as he passed by each of you.
“I don’t know you’ll have to ask this guy. He was supposed to go to the store but surprise, he didn’t.” Sarah says with a sarcastic smile towards her father who was going through bills. Joel head turned towards Sarah giving a bored look.
“We’re ordering pizza.”
“Fine with me.” Tommy states triggering Joel to role his eyes.
“Of course it is.”
Sarah went upstairs for the book the two of you were reading. To ‘keep her ahead of her future classmates’. While Sarah was upstairs, Tommy eyes trailed over to you, he smiled as he watched you in your own little world playing with your toys while talking to yourself. He watched you for a minute until he saw you stretching your neck. Normally he would’ve thought nothing of it until he realized it was happening constantly. At first they were only seconds apart, then you would stop for a few minutes and start again. There wasn’t an exact pattern, but he caught the rhythm of it.
“Buns neck been bothering her?”
“No.” Joel answered absentmindedly, still invested in the papers he wished he could use as a coaster without consequence.
“You sure?”
“Yeah I’m sure. Why wouldn’t I be sure?” Joel asked, getting annoyed by the fact he kept getting interrupted with his task.
“ ‘Cause she keeps stretchin’ it like it’s bothering her.”
Joel looks up at Tommy who had a slight worried look on his face. Joel then turns around in his chair to see what his brother was talking about. And true to his little brother’s words there you were stretching your neck and shoulder in a way that looks painful if he’s being honest. Joel turned back around to his brother with an equally concerned look. He leans closer towards him and lowers his voice before he started talking signaling Tommy to do the same.
“I don’t know why she does that, and every time I ask her if she’s ok she tells me she’s fine.”
“Maybe she has a crook in her neck.”
“No, if it was a crook we would know. She would be a lot worse. She tends to panic when she has one of those, and doesn’t do a lot of moving around. To stop the ‘bouncy feeling’. This. This is something else. And it’s been getting more frequent lately.”
“Frequent?”
“Yeah, this started a few months ago. It’ll leave and come back after a few weeks, but like I said it’s been happening a lot more often lately. She does it with her hands and wrist too.”
“Hm.”
Joel turned back towards his youngest. “Babygirl, you okay?” He said in a tone reserved for only you and Sarah when she’s upset about something.
You look up from your toys, bright innocent eyes finding your father’s concerned ones.
“Yeah.”
“You sure? Your neck not bothering you?”
“No.” You replied while standing up from your place on the floor and walked over to your father. When you got close enough he automatically picked you up and sat you on his thigh.
“Then why do you keep rollin’ it around honey?”
“I’m not.” Joel frowned in confusion. He’s clearly watching you do it so, either you’re lying for some unknown reason or you just don’t know that you’re doing it. But he’s always able to tell just by asking one question.
“Are you telling me the truth?” Simple, but it works. It was a question he would ask you every time he would think you were lying. And every time you answer you have a tell. When you tell the truth you tend to answer pretty confidently, but when you lie, you always fiddle with something whether it be your clothes, your fingers, or just bouncing your foot.
“Yes.” There’s no fidgeting. Covering up how even more confused he was in the moment he just nodded in understanding even though he didn’t.
“Ok baby, you want to go back to playin’ with your toys?”
“Yeah.” You replied getting down from your father’s lap before he even had the chance to put you down. Then you ran off to start back playing until Sarah came back down the stairs.
“(N/n), story time.” Hearing that you stood up and headed over to the couch with your sister. Before you sat down you picked up your stuffed bunny, Tommy got it for you when you were two. They used to use it to stop you from crying, but now you take it wherever you go. You laid down across the couch with Sarah and had your bunny in front of you in the same position you were to Sarah. She opened the book to where you two left off and started reading stopping at every few paragraphs to let you read.
Joel watched the two of you, his world. He would never understand how a mother would want to give this up.
“Have you thought about getting her checked out?” Tommy’s voice broke Joel from his thoughts.
“Checked for what?” Joel asked frowning at his brother.
“Joel, are you serious? Something could be wrong.”
“She’s fine, Tommy. She’ll grow out of it.”
“Grow out of it? Don’t you want to make sure?”
“Tommy, please.” Now Joel was lying. To himself especially. But that is understandable, what parent wants to accept that something may be wrong with their child. It was a scary thing to think about.
“What if it’s somethin’ wrong? Wouldn’t you want to get Bun’ the help she needs as soon as possible.”
“She doesn’t need help Tommy. I’m telling you she’ll grow out of it.”
“Joel-”
“Just let it go.” Joel whispered in a hardened tone, trying to keep his voice down so the girls wouldn’t hear that anything was wrong. “Look, would you order the pizza for tonight. I’m trying to finish up these bills.” Tommy mumbled a ‘sure’ and got up to make the call. He understood why Joel didn’t want to talk about that kind of stuff, what parent does? But knowing his stubborn nature he won’t act on it unless something happens that causes him to. After hearing the voice of the pizza lady on the line, Tommy uses it as a distraction to get his mind off his niece and his stubborn mule of a brother.
January 16, 2003 - 6:30am
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
Sarah sat up with a soft groan and stretches, when she heard whining. She turned toward her sister who was hiding under the covers.
“Time to get up (n/n).” Sarah was about to stand up until she heard you cry out. She pulled back the covers to see you in a fertile position, hands covering your ears, eyes squeezed shut. “Come on (n/n), we- what’s wrong?” Sarah asked starting to panic seeing a tear fall from your eye.
“Too loud!” Sarah was confused for a second before she remembered the alarm was still going off. She quickly reached over to turn it off, and brought you into her arms. She laid you on her chest, rocking you back and forth while rubbing the top of your head, and she softly shushed you until you calmed down. When Sarah heard your cries turn into sniffles and looked down at you.
“You okay?” She asked softly rubbing the top of your head. She was confused as to why you reacted this way but, whatever the reason, it had her extremely worried. After seeing you nod your head she was able to relax, but she knew she still needed to tell dad about what just happened. Sarah got you up so, the both of you could start your morning routine. Everything went semi-smoothly, but that’s to be expected after your reaction to the alarm clock she’s not all that shocked about your agitated behavior. Sarah had just finished fixing your shirt when there was a knock on the bedroom door.
“Come in.”
“Hey, you girls almost ready?”
“Yep, we were just about to head down for breakfast.” Sarah stood from her kneeling position in front of you, letting you know that she was finished. And after going to tuck your bunny in bed you walked over to Joel.
“Unfortunately, you two are going to have to eat breakfast at school.” He said as he picked you up.
“Ew, why?” Sarah asked.
“Well your Uncle Tommy called and said there’s been an emergency at the house we’re working on so, when he pulls up we gotta go.” He grabbed your book bag and started down the stairs since you had decided to fall back asleep, not that he blamed you if he could he would have too. A minute later Tommy pulls up and surprisingly the Adlers weren’t outside, then again they were leaving a little earlier than usual. But, either way they didn’t have time to stop and talk. Sarah was dropped off first, then you. And it wasn’t until Sarah sat down in her first period class when she realized she forgot to tell her dad what happened this morning.
———
Time Skip
Normally, when school gets out you would ride home with Denise, due to her daughter going to the same school and Sarah’s school getting out 10 minutes after your school does. Then add another 20-30 minutes of her having to take the school bus then the city bus to get home. When Sarah makes it to the neighborhood she has to pass by Denise house to get to yours which is when she picks you up, but today didn’t work out that way. It started when Joel got a phone call from your school.
Joel and Tommy were currently managing the workers that were doing the framework of the building they were working on. Well Tommy was, Joel was trying to keep calm while talking to the construction manger.
“Look all I’m saying is we should be getting paid more since we’re working more hours than what we were told we would be working, don’t you think.” The construction manger has been going back and forth with Joel for about 10 minutes now, way too long for Joel’s liking.
“No, I don’t. Especially since the reason we’re in this situation is because you guys didn’t do your jobs right in the first place. You’re lucky you’re still gettin’ paid the amount that was agreed upon.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that if you and your guys spent as much time working as you do talking and taking breaks you probably would’ve done your jobs right the first time, and we wouldn’t be in this situation, or behind a day.” The manger didn’t take too kindly to that statement, and Joel was so close to losing his nerve until he was saved by the bell, literally. Right before he was about to tell the construction manager that he can stick it where the sun don’t shine, his phone started ringing.
Joel sighed while taking his phone out of the carrying case to see it was the preschool calling much to his confusion. He didn’t even notice the construction manager was still talking.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take it up with Tommy.” He said while waving him off and answering his phone. “Hello.”
“Mr. Miller.”
“Yeah.”
“This is Elizabeth, (Y/n)’s teacher. We need you to come to the school.” Joel immediately sighs, dragging his hand over his face.
“What’d she do?” He replies in an exhausted tone. He never gets calls from your schools unless it’s to let him know he needed to bring a change of clothes for you. All the preschoolers have to have an extra pair of clothes that’s to be kept in the classroom just in case the kids have an accident or something. But you’ve been acting out a lot lately, and he wouldn’t be surprised if it was for something like that.
“It may be better for you to come up to the school so we can explain it to you face-to-face.” Joel didn’t like the way this was sounding. It was hard for him to pinpoint the emotion that was coming off her voice, which worried him more.
“Okay, I’m on my way.” He sighed while hanging up the phone. He walked over to Tommy who looks like he actually did tell the construction manager to shove it, going off the look on the of their faces. “Tommy, I need you to watch over everything here for a while.”
“What’s goin’ on?”
“That was (Y/n)’s school, they need me to go up there.”
“Is everything okay with bun’?”
“I don’t know her teacher wouldn’t tell me anything. I’m sure she’s fine, she probably just got into it with a kid in her class again.”
“Okay, call me when you find out what’s goin’ on.”
“I will. Alright I’m off, and make sure they actually do their job correctly this time.”
“I got it, go on.”
After that Joel made his way to the truck. Even though he says he’s sure she’s fine, he couldn’t help but worry about you. The tone of your teacher didn’t sound good at all. She sounded worried. And sad? Were you sick? He could deal with a common cold, but your teachers tone indicated something worse than that. And there has been a deadly virus going around the world, it hasn’t made it to America yet at least that’s what they’re telling everyone. But what if it has made it over seas? There’s no cure for it, and what if you had it? That couldn’t happen, to you or Sarah. He wouldn’t know what he would do if he lost one of you. No. Stop. That’s not going to happen. That would never happen. He hates when his mind gets like this, but as a single father the need to protect the two of you is the most important thing to him, and that makes him worry even more because that’s something he can’t ever fail at, and he doesn’t even want to think what’ll happen if he does.
He gets out of the truck and speed walks towards your classroom. He had gotten into his own head, but there’s something inside of him that’s telling him this is as serious as it feels.
“Mr. Miller.” He turns upon hearing his name being called, seeing your teacher standing in the doorway of the office.
“Where is she?” He asks as he makes his way to her. Once he got close enough he realized the tone in her voice wasn’t sadness, but pity? Why would she pity him, and where were you?
“She’s in the principals office. But! But before you go in we should probably explain what happened and why.” She said stopping him from brushing past her.
“What did she get into a fight with another kid or somethin’?” Joel ask impatiently.
“No-”
“Okay, then it can wait.” He moves to fast for her to stop and walks into the principals office to see you sitting in a chair with dried tear stain down your cheeks. He quickly kneeled in front of you gently grasping your hands in his.
“What’s wrong, babygirl. What happened?”
“I wanna go home.” You mumbled
“Ok, you want to tell me why?”
“Mr. Miller, we really need to talk to you.” The principal finally spoke up motioning to the officer hallway. He huffed as he stood up and followed the principal out, but not before he kissed your forehead and told you that he would be back.
“Okay, what’s so important that you had to drag me away from my daughter, who’s been crying? And why is she crying? I swear if that Richardson kid put her hands on her again-” He was annoyed with everyone at this point everyone besides you obviously, he just doesn’t understand why they couldn’t tell him while he comforted his daughter.
“We’re sorry, Mr. Miller. We just didn’t want to make her think that she was in trouble, we just got her to calm down.”
“So, she’s fine?”
“Physically, yes.”
“What? What does that mean?”
“Ms. Elizabeth?” The principal could he was getting upset so she found it best to let your teacher explain what happened.
“Mr. Miller.”
“Would y’all stop calling my damn name and actually tell what the hell’s going on with my daughter?
“Well (Y/n) has been in an agitated mood all day, but that’s not the problem. Uhm, the kids just got back from lunch about 30 to 40 minutes ago, and after they eat I usually let them have play time before I start their last lesson for the day before nap time. Today during play time (Y/n) had a little outburst.” Elizabeth knew she was beating around the bush, but that’s because she has heard this conversation happen many times with other teachers and parents and most often than not the parents don’t respond to well.
“Little outburst?”
“Well not really an outburst, but more of a meltdown. This is the special needs teacher, Ms. Thomson, and a friend of mine so I know what signs to look out for in a child. And (Y/n) has been showing these signs since the beginning of the year. They can be overlooked especially in girls and be seen as ‘normal’ and in a way it is. For her anyway.”
“What are you talking about? Signs for what?” Joel asked in frustrated tone.
Ms. Elizabeth look over at the special needs teacher to nervous to continue, and to make sure that she’s positive of (Y/n)’s condition. To which her friend responded with a nod.
“We think (Y/n) has autism. And before you say anything, the signs are all there. I’ve been watching her since her first day of becoming my student. And we highly recommend that she be tested.”
“What? She’s not autistic. I think I would know if my daughter had autism. Look at her, does she look autistic to you?”
“Autism doesn’t always have a look Mr. Miller, and just because she doesn’t have a physical disablement doesn’t mean she’ll be any less autistic than someone with one. That’s why we recommend getting her tested to find out how far she is on the spectrum.”
“You sound so sure that, that’s what it is. How did y’all come up with autism from her having a ‘meltdown’? And what do you mean by meltdown?”
“Well after I sent the kids to go off and begin playing I noticed (Y/n) hadn’t moved from the table, she just sat there, covering her ears with tears in her eyes. She had been in that position since they came back from lunch. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me the other kids were being too loud. But before I could offer a solution the students behind us started screaming louder than what they were, which triggered somewhat of chain reaction with the rest of the class, so I turned around make sure everything was ok but when I that’s when (Y/n) ran to the bathroom and locked herself in. I had to send the other kids to sit in a classroom with another teacher. (Y/n) was crying. Sobbing. When I unlocked the door she was sitting in the corner squeezing the sides of her head so hard it looked painful. All to try and block out the world because it was too much for her. It broke my heart to see her like that because (Y/n) is sweetest little girl I’ve ever met, and to see her in pain like, any child, it’s a hard thing to see. I had to wrestle with her a little to keep her from hurting herself, but I was able to get her calm enough to sit her in my lap and have her hold onto me while I called Ms. Thomson, who was able to calm her further until she reassociated with everything around her.
“Pain?” That’s when the special needs teacher finally decided to step in and say something.
“It’s called a sensory overload, Mr. Miller. It’s very common in the Autism Spectrum. It’s when someone on the spectrum becomes to overwhelmed with the world around them, and if they can’t find some kind of outlet from everything more than likely it’s going to cause a break down in one way or another.”
“That doesn’t mean she’s autistic-“
“Mr. Miller. Does (Y/n) walk on her tippy toes?
“Yeah, but all babies do that.”
“How does she act when she is in a large crowd or around someone she doesn’t know.” Ms. Thomson was completely calm while asking these questions. Knowing that getting agitated or saying something wrong could keep you from getting the help you need.
“The same as any other kid.”
“Does she get in mood where she doesn’t want to talk or just can’t talk in general?”
“Ok look, you’re only naming things all kids do.”
“Yes, but like every thing else on the spectrum there’s a line where it occurs more than it should. Let me ask you one more question Mr. Miller.
He doesn’t even reply he only took a breath to let her know he didn’t want to talk about the topic anymore. Still in denial, even after everything they just told him.
“Does she tend to twitch, or repeat her movements? Have you ever seen her stiffen or strain her body?” Joel didn’t even reply.
“Your silence speaks volumes Mr. Miller. Please, get her tested. It will help her make it in a society that wasn’t made for her. Giving her benefits she can use to even the playing field with neurotypicals. Don’t you think she deserves that?” Joel really didn’t want to accept this. Knowing that if you are autistic, you’ll face more difficulties in life. All because you were different. Difficulties you’re already facing, he just didn’t want to admit it.
“What do I need do to get her tested?” Joel asked after his little debate. All he can hope that the test comes out as negative, but that’s a long shot, given the special needs teacher already seems so sure, the test was just to confirm it.
Ms. Thomson who was smiling after hearing his agreement answered him. “Nothing, I already have an appointment set up for her with a neurodevelopmental pediatrician, who is also a good friend of mine. So, as soon as she finishes with the evaluation you will get the results. I just needed your approval.”
“Okay. Uh, thank you.”
“No problem.”
“Is it ok if I take her home?” Joel ask looking towards your teacher.
“Yes, I think that’s the best thing for her right now. Being in her safe space with all her things will help her get some much needed rest. I will write down the appointment information and what you’ll need for the evaluation and put it in her backpack for you.”
“Thank you.” After that Joel walked back into the office to see you playing with one of the pens on the principals desk in one hand and your head laying on top of the other. “Hey babygirl. You want to go home?” He asked as he kneeled in front of the chair, while making sure to keep his voice at a low level. Once you nodded he stood up, gently grabbed your hand, and the two of you went to get your bag and appointment information.
January 20, 2003 - 1:00 p.m.
Joel and Tommy were on their lunch break at a burger place when Joel’s phone started ringing. He cleaned his hands and took his phone out it’s carrying case before answering. “Hello?”
“Is this Joel Miller?” A woman’s voice.
“Yeah?”
“Oh, good. This is Tonia, the neurodevelopmental pediatrician that did (Y/n)’s evaluation.”
“Right, so what were the results?”
“Well, the documents are ready for you to come and get them, and I will break everything down once you get here, if you want.”
“Uhhhh yeah, I’ll be there in about 20-25 minutes.”
“Ok, see you then. Bye bye.”
“Bye. Get up Tommy, we gotta go.”
“I’m still eatin’”
“Tommy, bring it with you. Jesus.” Joel mumbled as he rolled his eyes at his younger brother.
They made it to the building, and Joel was doing his best to remember the way to the correct office while also trying to calm his anxious mind. When they made it to the office, Joel knocked on the door frame of the open door before walking in Tonia’s office.
“Here you go.” She said as she handed the papers to Joel who noticed it was about 15 pages.
“Wha-what am I looking at?” He asked looking up at the pediatric who let out a low chuckle, she gets the same reaction from almost all of the parents she encounters.
“Well first things first, I’ve concluded (Y/n) does have ASD. She is what we call a high-functioning autistic, and I came up with that diagnosis based on her teacher’s observations, your own, and from the activities I had her to do. The evaluation explains everything of what that means in detail like her sensitivity to sounds, her not liking to touch certain things, lack of social skills, etcétera.”
“So, what does this mean for her?”
“Well, she can stay in Ms. Elizabeth’s class, there’s no need to move her to the special needs class permanently. But she does have special education, and all that means is that Ms. Thomson will take her in her classroom to help her find ways to calm herself when she feels herself getting overstimulated. Or if she can’t and Ms. Elizabeth sees she is getting overwhelmed or she tells Ms. Elizabeth she’s getting overwhelmed they’ll send her to Ms. Thomson class or a quiet place for her to calm down. And maybe she’ll even have better luck with making friends in the special needs classroom than she does in her regular class. And education wise it means when she gets test she can go to a different classroom to take it and she’ll be able receive more time on any tests she has to take as well.” She looked up from her notes, making sure she got all the main checkpoints, but when she did Joel’s face told her everything she needed to know.
“Mr. Miller, the worst thing you can do for her is to feel bad for her. There’s no reason too.”
“No reason to? The whole point of this was to make sure she gets the help she needs to keep up with everyone else.”
“No, the reason for this was to make sure she had the help if and when she needs it. Academically (Y/n) is one of the smartest kids in her class, actually in her grade. It might take more effort, but she’s keeping up with her classmates. Some of the worst things you can do is pity her, hold her back due to being overprotective, or use it as an excuse to make her seem more fragile. I’m not saying she’s not going to have challenges because she is, but all you have to do is stay beside and make sure she keeps working at it till she gets it. And stay way from describing her condition as ‘slow’ or ‘retarded’. And you can’t punish her because of her stimming or overstimulated behavior. Not saying that you would! I mean- you just wouldn’t believe how many parents would get agitated and angry about things their child can’t control, but I’m sure you’ll be fine. You’re attentive to her, and that’s something she’s going to need from you growing up.” Joel nodded in understanding still skimming through the evaluation packet.
“Thank you for doing this in such short notice.”
“No problem. She’s one of the sweetest kids I’ve met. And cutest.” That caused a smile to appear on Joel’s face. He hasn’t been able to smile much since Thursday, always thinking about you and the whole situation. Which has been weighing on his mind literally 24/7.
“Thank you for this, you have a nice day.” He said before turning around to leave out the office.
“You as well.” She replied also smiling at Tommy, who smiled and winked back, reaching his goal of getting her to laugh.
Joel barely made through the door before Sarah hit him with a “what’d she say?”
“Uhhh- where’s (Y/n)? And how’d you know she called?”
“She called the house phone first. And (Y/n) is upstairs, I just got her out the tub, which she didn’t like, at all.”
“She didn’t want to get out?”
“No, she didn’t want to get in. But she should be finished putting on her pajamas by now.”
“Ok, go get her and I’ll tell y’all the results.”
“Ok.” Sarah ran upstairs to get you, when you both got down stairs and sat on the couch, Sarah sat on the right side of Joel, and he picked you up and sat you on his lap tucking you into his side.
“How was school today, honey.” Joel turning his head towards you.
“Good. Ms. Elizabeth gave me headphones to put on my ears when everything got too loud again.”
“Did she? That was real nice of her.”
“Yeah. How was your day, daddy?”
“It was really good, babygirl. Thank you for asking.” The smile you gave him made his whole day. He thought back to what the pediatrician said about not pitying you because that’s not something you need from him. Looking at you now he realized she was right. He’s going to do his best to give you what you need. Whatever it may be, and he knows you’re going to grow into a smart and beautiful woman. He reached down and kissed your temple getting laugh out of you, a sound he would never get tired of.
Joel turned his towards Sarah, about to ask her how her day went stopped him before he started.
“My day was fine, the same. What did she say?” Joel paused for a second before he chuckled at her before pointing to the where he sat the evaluation.
“That’s the paper, she gave me that explains everything.” He blinked and Sarah had the papers in her hand, while she started reading he turned back to you to explain everything to you somehow.
“Ok babygirl. Do you remember test you had to take with the lady a few days ago?” After you nodded he continued. “You remember she told you it’s going let us know if you think differently than everybody else?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, it turns out you do.”
“Is that bad?”
“No! No, no, no. It’s not bad at all, and don’t let anyone tell you that it is. Ok?”
“Ok.”’
“All it means is some things may be a little harder or more overwhelming to you than other people, but it also means better at other things too.”
“Like what?”
“Like being artistic, and solving puzzles. But it also means you can be smarter than others in your class. You may have to learn some things in a different way, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be smarter. You already are. Ms. Elizabeth told me you were one of the smartest people in your grade.”
“She did!?”
“She did.”
“Wow.” You whispered in awe.
“Yeah, that’s a big deal, and daddy is so proud of you. You remember that, ok? No matter how big you get.”
“I promise, daddy.”
“Good. I love you babygirl.” He said, pressing another kiss to your temple.
“I love you too, daddy.” You said placing a kiss on his cheek.
“Awwwww, that’s so sweet. What are we eating for dinner? I’m hungry.” Sarah interrupted and Joel huffed out a laughed placing a quick kiss on her temple as well.
“I’m proud of you too baby.”
“I know, dad.” She said softly smiling.
“How about we go out for dinner? I really don’t feel like cookin’.”
“Fine with me. Come on (Y/n), let’s go put some clothes on.”
“Okay!” You said as you jumped up from Joel’s lap and ran off to catch up to your big sister.
A/n: Long story short the story was too long🤭🙇♀️😭 so I decided to split it into two parts. I hope you guys enjoy, sorry I took so long. But I love you guys for being patient, I really appreciate it.
#joel miller x autistic!reader#joel miller x platonic!reader#joel miller x daughter!reader#joel miller x reader#hbo tlou#tlou fanfiction#A New Diagnosis#joel miller x autistic!daughter!reader#joel miller x autistic daughter!reader
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Call me a narc, but I generally feel as if the Twitter Takeovers have gotten increasingly more unfunny the more we got? I haven't even watched the last one, but it's the fact that the fandom takes everything they like and runs with it as if it's canon that bothers me... because "everything they like" ranges from dumb quips (Sonic liking Mongolian throat singing or hating Amy's shortcake despite neither having been shown in the games before ever, for example) to statements immediately seen as shipping (hi, Sonadow), to blatant mischaracterizations (I know we got the one ShTH advertisement with Shadow dancing but do you truly think he's gonna be singing and dancing at a concert?), to IDW being canon (Starline mention...), and everything inbetween. And now Amy's cards suddenly being her "hyperfixation", even though there's a million posts on Tumblr alone why a hyperfixation is not just a quirky synonym to "being deeply invested in a hobby". I don't know, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Of course they're just meant to be funny (unfortunately not forgotten in the grand scheme of things, because TMOSTH mentioned Shadow and his coffee bean thing, alas), but it feels as if the creators of the sketches think they are funny by mangling the characters and coming up only with the stupidest out-of-this-world nonsense that the fandom runs with it because it is stupid and out-of-this-world, you know? I want to like them, but... not like this, so to say. Not when the characters are not getting actual respect and the fandom becomes insufferable through it on top, if I may be blunt.
Real talk: Eggman gushing about Sage, literally saying that she is the reason he keeps existing, plus fans "booing" Sonic for laughing at such sappiness, makes me want to drink concrete.
bro. bro really. I thought Flynn confirmed that Eggman's appreciation for Sage is purely self-masturbatory? That he's only proud of her because she's such a big accomplishment and a testament of his genius? That Frontiers showing Eggman getting choked up at the thought of losing her, calling her "dear daughter" in a somber tone, and the DLC's new ending showing them holding hands, didn't mean that Eggman in that game had been warped to develop genuine fondness for Sage, and it was actually all as self-centered as Eggman should be? :^)
(also I don't get why he would love the Egg Salamander, of all things. Didn't he build it together with Nega? As much as I like Rush, it feels like a shoehorned reference for the sake of being semi-obscure.)
And even if, even if I accept that this is completely non-canon and for the sake of a joke... other fans won't. Because "everything is canon". Shadow canonically likes to eat raw beans. Amy is canonically neurodivergent (or she canonically misuses medical terms). Sonic canonically has nightmares about not being appreciated, which might I add was a scene deadass stole from Boom, the show that had no pretenses of being canon whatsoever. Eggman canonically adores Sage as his own darling daughter. Starline canonically exists in the gameverse. I canonically am done with this.
Honestly, from what little I've seen, this Takeover was so OOC and just unfunny that the concept has completely lost his charm. What's the appeal of asking question to the game cast, if the game cast simply doesn't behave like they would and they are twisted for the sake of memes and "how do you do fellow kids"?
oh and the shiptease is out of control. at one point amy talks about going at a concert with shadow which makes sonic jealous, in that "NO EVERYTHING IS FINE" way. this is literally 2000s-tier shadamy and the reason i to this day am sour about that ship. save me, save me, save me, can't face this life alone.
#sonic the hedgehog#you know i think i understand the classic purists of old now#can i pretend no game came out after generations?#or uhhh forces at the very last#yes it's a joke i get it! it's in good fun!#... but eh i found past takeovers funnier what can i say#and that was before fan reception became insufferable for me#call me an old witch i guess
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Okay so the rest of the song doesn't at all, but the chorus of Blah Blah Blah by The Oozes ooc reminds me SO much of Krieg and Maya, specifically how I think Krieg felt after Maya's death.
"You've ruined the colour blue for me
I'm surrounded by a deep dark sea
You've lied to us and honestly
You've ruined the colour blue for me"
I think it's mostly self explanatory why, but I'm still going to talk about it line by line anyways because I'm insane.
"You've ruined the colour blue for me"
Do I need to explain? Blue was Maya's colour. Her hair was blue, her tattoos were blue, her eyes, her powers, her makeup, everything. There's no way Krieg doesn't associate blue with Maya, and there's no way there isn't a part of him that hurts a little inside whenever he sees the colour now.
"I'm surrounded by a deep dark sea"
The anguish that comes from losing someone you love so much, it has to eat Krieg alive.
"You've lied to us and honestly you've ruined the colour blue for me"
She promised him she'd come back. She didn't. It was out of her control, she wanted to come back, he knows, and he feels awful about this, but he can't help but feel that she lied.
I've been thinking about making this post for ages so I finally did it. I am, by no means, the most psyren obsessed or all that engrossed in their dynamic compared to others, so my perception of Krieg's feelings may be wrong here, but it's just my thoughts. ^^
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Oh, you KNOW I was made for the hate wins ask game. Could I get uhhhhhhhhhhhh 1, 5, 6, 7 & 16, please? <3 I would ask you more, but I feel like that's excessive, and I need to get to work now. Okay, love u, bye, see you when I get home <333
sigh. Don't touch me.
I don't have a single fandom I'm known for or particularly attached to right now, so ill just jump around as i feel.
THE CHARACTER EVERYONE GETS WRONG
I am self appointed idiot who makes every character i get my grubby little hands on ooc. Because of this, I can't say for sure that any characterization I see of my faves is objectively WRONG because my own ideal version of them is surely not right. Now, having been an adult and saying all this I can say with the utmost confidence this award must go to Claude Von Riegan [FE3H] just by virtue of how he's probably one of the more popular characters i adore and as such gets the brunt of the bullshit.
I hate when people write him as this flirty, overly charming guy. Claude cannot flirt his way out of a clear bag and he is paranoid as shit. He isn't seducing your white prince and dragging him down to the dark (ha) side. He also doesn't strike me as someone who's deeply curious about other house's gossip because he actually cares. Claude stays in the know because not knowing is a blind-spot he can't allow himself to have. Screams. its whatever.
5. WORST DISCORD SERVER AND WHY
Worst discord I was ever in ... hard toss up between the ye-olden HQ discord servers or the one dmcl one I was in? Surprisingly, as far as I experienced it, both had very nice people in it on the whole. But the sad truth is too many cooks in the kitchen fucks up the simple soup-- which is to say, having so many other fans with different [WRONG] interpretations was annoying.
I can't deal with not having complete control or like, a general understanding with the people around me in fandom discussions so these servers were just, by their own nature, places I was never meant to be in. [Spits] What do you mean CLAUDE would wanna join the BL class. Go to hell.
6. WHICH SHIP FANS ARE THE MOST ANNOYING? WHY?
Short answer? sylvix. Long answer? Regardless of the fandom, the fans of the biggest most accepted ship [canon or otherwise] will always be the loudest and most annoying imo.
When you've never had to work for your food you get comfortable fast and complain more. Its a natural byproduct of being lucky enough to deeply enjoy the lowest common denominator. In most cases, regardless of fandom-- whatever reigns supreme brings the biggest headaches with it. But If this is still too general then... mmm.. people who ship objectively canon ships because their imaginations can be too small and they'll find rare-pairs odd, weird or even stupid to be into. Many a time I've had someone tell me "they've never even spoken tho.." as if that was a needed component of every ship. They're tiresome people with tiresome arguments. But it's whatever <- she is the most annoying bitch alive.
7. WHICH CHARACTER DID FANON RUIN FOR YOU?
This one is really interesting honestly. I'm usually pretty ambivalent about anyone that isn't in the blorbo pile or the poison pit.... but.... maybe Dedue or Ferdinand? Dedue because f3h fans racism and Ferdinand because he was always someone shipped with Hubert and little else. I think its sad, both ,men have so much going for them too. I'll put Tsukishima on this list as well because he was my number one and ruined by fandom. Actually no put like 90% of the HQ cast here actually hq Fandom sucks ass and ruins every cool guy. it's a bitch.
16. YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY SO MANY PEOPLE LIKE THIS THING
God. I'm such a hater.,... this could really go on forever... Okay, I swat at the hornets nest for this one. fics over 100k. 9 times out of ten, they're not good. Quantity/=/ Quality. Usually most of the word count is just used for shit you didn't even come to the story for. That's fine, I respect any writer who can even make that much of ANYTHING, but people who can read it (and more so ACTIVELY search for it) are odd to me.
I've been worrying on this for a few days and mellowed out since I started so nothing is tooo grating or bitchy here. Look guys I'm kind and sweet forever. Enjoy. Huzzah.
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Greetings, you can call me Eve or Sinnoh. I’ve grown used to both, honestly. I’m a pokeball crafter and I specialize in the Hisuian style of crafting, not the Johtoian style, if that means anything to you. I also do woodcarving as a fun side thing. Usually little statuettes and things.
My team is as follows:
Hibana, my Hisuian Arcanine, the light of my life, my partner since I was five. ♀
Malice, my Hisuian Zoroark, my self-appointed guardian. ♀
Foxglove, my Sneasler, my fashion consultant and self-appointed brother. ♂
Cedar, my Hisuian Electrode, resident young lord. ♂
Yes, I only have four Pokemon, no, I have no current plans to get more. Yes, this suits me just fine. No, I will not engage in a competitive or ranked battle, despite how you may bait me. Yes, I will make pokeballs on commission.
Pelipper Mail/Unmail/Malice: On
Musharna Mail/Malice: On
Magic Anons: Off
Sentient/Sapient Pokemon: Allowed
Legendaries/Mythicals: Allowed
//ooc beneath read more
heyyy it’s me @/anxiousazure back at it again with another pokemon irl blog because i lack self control!! i also run @/kitakami-zorua-kin @/kitakami-specter and @/unovan-artist (though it is inactive due to lack of inspiration). you can call me azure i use. so many pronouns. honestly as long as it’s not she i’m probably fine with it. check my main blog for more details i guess.
uhhh alright mod is an adult eve is a minor (i place them at like 16ish?). use your good judgement and all, anything i deem as inappropriate will get deleted (also i’m asexual, so uh. yeahhh. don’t feel like seeing any of that stuff tbh).
i mod have really bad social anxiety so if i havent answered or interacted. i am simply scared. i am very easily intimidated and my brain will continuously go "but what if there's an unspoken Rule you're breaking" and paralyze me.
fair warning! eve’s lore will shift into some darker topics, including but not limited to wilderness survival, near death, near death of pokemon, and the trauma resulting from that. (what, you thought i made a normal oc? extremely loud incorrect buzzer) (eve got hisui'd temporarily as a young child (not at the protagonist. just. wrong place wrong time). space-time distortions are fun :3)
i'll use #eve lore as a general tag when rehashing backstory stuff. #eve posts is the normal, #eve answers is for answering asks, #eve reblogs is for reblogs, #ask eve for ask games. etc etc.
uhhh. eve straight up collapsed during their last ranked battle under Kieran's Championship and has decided to take a step back from competitive battling as a result, though they've yet to officially withdraw from the League Club. feel free to poke at that some more.
anyways the pfp picrew again (same one as russet) is here.
eve actually wears the bb tracksuit with a galaxy survery corps uniform top over it. yes there are always bandages on their hands and arms (no it is not self harm- i don't. i don't mess with that). yes i encourage you to poke at it. yes they will lie about it at first.
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I’ve watched the episode, I’ve processed
- I like it. It’s stupid, it’s convoluted and created glaring plot holes for those of us who care about such things, but it’s a way for them to explore Carlos as a character, for him to grow and for Rafa to show off his acting skills
- I don’t think it’s ooc for Carlos at all, not just because we’ve seen him keep huge things from people before, (king of compartmentalization) BUT no amount of ignoring shit you don’t want to deal with prevents it from bubbling up, and in fact, the huge effort he puts into looking like someone who’s in control and has-got-there-shit-together is compensation for how out of control and anxiety riddled he feels!! And the shame! The shame and guilt he feels constantly come on it makes perfect sense.
- I can only speak for myself, but if I was engaged to someone and she told me she got married at 18 out of anxiety and self-hate my instinctive reaction would be sympathy too.. I would absolutely not consider it cheating just because it is the institute of “marriage”. It never was and never will be a real relationship or anything that could come between Carlos’s commitment to tk. I know this and tk knows this, which is what’s important ultimately.
- The lie is bad. He should not have lied. tk has every right to be upset and mad (as he always had the many many times Carlos has messed up in the past lol). But I loved the growth his reaction showed both his personally and them as a couple. Anyways the lie is huge and that’s the point. Like.. that’s why it’s so interesting
- It actually makes the whole deal with his parents make more sense. And honestly my head canon was def that he tried to be with women at some point and let me tell you that is heartbreaking and very very relatable. It also makes me super curious about what made him give up, like when was his first kiss with a guy? What other relationships (if any) did he have before tk? hmmmm
- I know this twist has upset a lot of people and I sympathize. But it’s just a matter of opinion, not fact. If this has ruined Carlos and the Tarlos relationship for you that’s understandable. I loved Ted Lasso but when the whole Sam/Rebecca romance happened I didn’t like it and stopped watching. It happens. Everyone has different boundaries and red lines and that’s cool, you know?
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Just for fun, have some random tidbits and trivia about With a Little Help From My Friends. Much like the fic itself, this list got quite long, so I’m putting it under the cut…
I don’t write nearly enough about Eddie and Robin’s friendship, but in both ch 8 and ch 24 when Eddie is in dire straits, Robin is literally the first person he thinks of that he can go to for help.
In ch 10 while Eddie and Max are at the store, he’s debating between Red Vines and Twizzlers, eventually choosing Twizzlers. Later in ch 26 Max says Twizzlers are her favorite candy. And yes, it’s totally because of him.
In ch 12, all that stuff about Temple Grandin and the cows is true. And it totally seemed like something Suzie would just know, and Dustin would eagerly research because he wants to help his bestie.
When I wrote ch 22– the Jason in Pennhurst visited by a vision of El chapter— I had totally forgotten about how Jason kicked Gareth’s ass, but looking back and adding that tidbit to El’s motivations in keeping Jason exactly where he is gives it an extra zesty flavor.
Ch 28, the drabble where Wayne finally makes things official with Claudia, is probably the hardest I’ve ever laughed while writing.
Ch 33 contains a little drabble about Eddie and Chrissy just relaxing in a hammock together, and I honestly think it might be one of the best things I’ve ever written.
In ch 41 Steve probably seems pretty OOC at the beginning. That was deliberate— he’d just gotten back from spending a ton of time with his parents, and no longer has any idea who he actually is. By the end of ch 42 he’s getting back to his real self.
Also in ch 41 Steve refers to Grant as “T.B. Player” purely for a little in-joke with my own self regarding the movie That Thing You Do!, where the bass player never gets a name throughout the entire movie despite being a main character with lots of lines, and in the end credits is listed as T.B. Player. Justice for unnamed freak!
The part in ch 61 where first Eddie and then Steve are teaching Gareth to dance is one of my favorite scenes. If I could draw, I would’ve drawn it!
In ch 63– Will’s letters to Jonathan— I didn’t include Jonathan’s letters back because I just could. not. get his voice right. Jonathan, Nancy, Lucas, Mike, and ironically Steve are the characters that I have the hardest time getting into their heads. I love them all to bits but that’s why I rarely write their pov’s.
Ch 64 was a tough one for me to write and I’m not sure I managed to strike the right balance between Party shenanigans/hellcheer wedding planning vs Robin’s very real fears regarding her parents’ reaction to finding out she was dating Vickie. If I could rewrite the whole fic, this would be the chapter I’d start with. BUT, one thing I liked about it was Steve repairing the crocheted blanket just so Robin could unravel it again. In the Lostsoul Universe, many Party members have told Steve “I love you” but the only time he ever says it back is in this chapter, to Robin. Poor dude.
Ch 66 might seem way OTT but I stand by it. Because it happened to me.
I wrote ch 73 for the sole purpose of giving Eddie a kitten named Lucifer Dio. (Lucy for short!) He absolutely gives cat dad energy.
In ch 79 we find out how Henry Creel became Vecna. Dr. Brenner gave him an experimental drug I called “exousía”. This was a very deliberate choice. Exousía is a Greek word meaning power/control/dominion— all the things Brenner was so hungry for. I based this on googling the word “Soteria” (the implant in Henry’s neck) and discovering that it was an actual Greek word with the meanings of deliverance/healing/salvation. Food for thought!!! Honestly I was a little sad that nobody picked up on how clever I’d been with that name 🙄😂 but that was a really long chapter with a lot going on so it’s understandable.
Feel free to ask me any questions you might have or just holler at me!
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What are your thoughts on the whole 'lost his memories and was a suicide bomber' arc? Thoughts on when they were trying to give him a redemption arc that then went absolutely no where?
OOOH!
Ok, so, firstly, sorry this took a couple days, I really wanted to have the time and mental energy to sit down and give this the answer it deserved. Secondly, I just LOVE being mutuals with someone who KNOWS SHAW LORE LIKE I DO because I can get questions like this!
Short answer is, I wouldn’t want it to last forever, I’d want our nasty man back EVENTUALLY, but I really wish it had lasted LONGER and had more of an impact. As it is, it might as well have just never have happened, and like. . .you don’t do THAT to a character and just have it be totally irrelevant to them. Except it is now.
Longer answer: Honestly there were so many interesting things and things I liked going on here, it’s hard to organize my thoughts! First thing that I really enjoyed is THE BACKSTORY THAT HE WAS GIVEN and how it comes off as making fun of SO many common tropes in this universe (tropes that actually I happen to hate and be sick of myself lol) Secondly, Transonic explaining to him he’s a mutant by singing BORN THIS WAY?! Love it.
Getting into the meatier bits, Amnesiac Shaw notes that his first lesson in his new life was betrayal, which is correct. He was tricked by a terrorist group into being a repeat suicide bomber for them, since his powers ensured he’d survived. “The first lesson I learned in this new life was betrayal. And here I am met with hostility and secrets. So I suppose the more immediate question is–do I trust her? “
And given Shaw’s history with being betrayed over and over, which I’ve written about before, which you know about from reading The Legacy Quest and his mental issues with that, with being convinced EVERYONE will stab him in the back sooner or later and doing the same to them first, that’s…interesting, to me. It’s even more so interesting that he DOES choose to trust Hope, to protect Hope and her friends. Hell, he wants to protect them WHEN HE FIRST MEETS THEM even before they’ve done anything for him. You know, aside from the initial suidice bombing that shows “oh this guy is a mutant”, every time amnesia!Shaw uses his powers and/or acts offensively, it’s in defense of children.
The first time, he kills Jin Billion to rescue the Gen Hope kids. Then he goes up against the majority of Utopia, who are being mind-controlled by Kenji, to save Hope (including delivering a brutal elbowing to Emma Frost’s face when she was about to do a doubtlessly nasty “scrubbing” to Hope’s mind) Finally, when he breaks out of Avengers custody and fights them, it’s to rescue the X-kids, who are being held against their will at the Avengers Academy during the AvX conflict. The Avengers mistakenly assumed he wanted to kill the children, an idea he was horrified at when they told him.
So, pretty clearly, hurting kids is a big Berserk Button from amnesia Shaw.
And then I look at NORMAL Shaw and how he treated his own child. And it’s like…clearly he HAS a capacity to be better than that. And I think that’s very on-theme for him, much like that moment in the Legacy Quest where he does consider if he’s on the right path. . .and then keeps right on being a villain. He CHOOSES every step of the way. He is a self-made man, for better AND worse, not simply in the sense of having made all his own money but in the kind of man he has decided to be, and I really truly just LOVE his very deliberate, aware agency in that.
Going back to him, oh my god, look at him, he’s so cute in his yellow X-hoodie!!
And speaking of cute, what I mega-loved about this time period is that you could get him being OOC for his normal self and have it BE OK! Like, I think you know as a Villain Enjoyer that there can be the urge to see your fave nasty guy be Soft in some way, but there’s also the desire to have him be IC, and these things usually can’t go together. This gives you a “have your cake and eat it too” scenario, or at least it did for me. I really loved seeing him with these kids. I especially liked when he told Teon that he did the right thing coming to get him for help, and even though one of the other kids said he was talking to Teon like he was a dog, I don’t see that??? Who says that to a dog??? But I do kinda like the idea of him throwing a frisbee for him, lol.
And he’s given a file on himself, and he says he’s not sure he wants to read it, and it doesn’t seem like he ever does? Or if he did, we didn’t see any reaction that I recall? I would have really liked for him to find out more about himself later—maybe unwillingly—and how he handles that. I would also have liked to see how he got his memories back, and if he remembers this period at all, and what he thinks about it, what effects it has. I’d love to see current era Hope acknowledge it AT ALL, I mean all these other callbacks are going on for other characters, like her and Exodus! And speaking of how he got his memory back, last time we saw him he was about to dive INTO THE OCEAN, and the entire pointed of leaving him in landlocked China was to HIDE HIM FROM N.AMOR…the guy who LIVES IN THE OCEAN…like no way that wasn’t deliberate??? He was ABSOLUTELY intended to run into N.amor, he had to be, and I want to know the plan there!
Also: Loved his fight with Hercules. Loved him beating him and calling him an idiot. Loved finding out he can absorb magical energy too, because I feel like that jives with his ancestor being a Sorceror Supreme (I will pay Marvel so much to ever revisit this; I hear it does get mentioned in Midnight Suns!) Loved him charging himself by HITTING HIMSELF IN THE HEAD WITH BOOKS FOR HOURS. Also love that in allllll his history as an actual villain, the ONLY time he ever clashes with the Avengrs is HERE when he’s trying to RESCUE CHILDREN even thought the Avengers Mansion was literally canonically a FEW BLOCKS FROM THE HELLFIRE CLUB
Honestly, literal only thing I dislike is the interactions with Emma and her touching on the abuse retcon, I feel like if this had gone on longer there would have been more focus on that and how she feels having him around because that just makes good writing sense but also I Would Hate It.
Overall though…definitely wish this had gone on longer and had more development for him, both as his amnesiac self and when he gets his memories back. I wouldn’t want an actual redemption arc for him, he’s way more valuable story-wise as a villain and I enjoy him that way, but I think as an exploration of his character from a unique angle, it would have been fascinating, and instead it kinda just…plopped. And then everyone else seemed to get amnesia about it having ever happened. Alas.
(also I think him meeting Sage this way would have been cool! Or Shinobi!)
#amnesia Shaw#sorry this is kinda disjointed#not my most elegant meta#but I hope it was still a good read for you!#out of shirt
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in your mind whats the difference between akijin & jinaki ive seen a lot of diff information floating around, like i always thought it was top/bottom preferences but recently ive seen it mean other things
hi anon, thank you for your ask!
i'm ngl i laughed. really hard when i looked at my inbox. this topic is very funny to me because it's. really not that serious but i'm neurodivergent so i could talk about this in an insane amount. i'm actually really curious what that different information is bc in general communities, it really is just boiled down to the top/bottom preference... let me know!!!!
it's embarrassing to talk about so rambles under the cut
content warning: mention of heavy drug usage, implication of sexual themes
i've had someone ask me about the difference before so i'll use it as reference. this isn't really "in my mind" per say but mere observation of both separate communities (mainly in east asia) and how they characterize them. just thought i'd explain how they're interpreted by a larger community before talking about what i think honestly.
** also to be clear this will be in the context of current jin and akiomi, not their younger selves
akijin fan content
one trait that is heavily amplified within this dynamic is jin's unrelenting guilt due to overshadowing akiomi during their idol era. in a lot of content, jin seems half dead... like a walking corpse. he's unable to set healthy boundaries with not only his relationship with akiomi, but in nearly any type of scenario. in a way, it always seems like jin feels that he owes akiomi for all the pain he let her suffer through. (<- this is very important, as it is a common theme) he doesn't outright say it, therefore expressing it through action. essentially, all of his self-destructive traits are greatly emphasized. (this could also breach into... darker tropes unfortunately or heavy drug usage on jin's end...)
in the case of akiomi, content typically likes the idea of her power tripping over jin considering the fact that she is finally able to be his equal. she has this sense of control over jin that could easily be traced back to her super idol sagami jin obsession, but welded with the deep resentment she holds when she was trampled by him.
there's also the inclusion of one-sided pining. this is mainly in the case of jin, where he feels that his love wouldn't be reciprocated due to the fact that akiomi may love his crossdressing self instead. idk as far as i know, it... implies akiomi is a cishet man and instances where it feels like akiomi wishes jin was a woman instead. i really dont like this idea. it's ooc. because of akiomi's strict nature, it's like. they try to push traditional ideals and gender roles into her character. ugh i dont want to talk about it that much.
all of these factors lead to some art feeling loveless when you look too deeply into it. it's like. looking closely, within all the guilt and resentment, when moments like rainbow are illustrated... there's love. it's there. it's a breath of fresh air after suffocating... mainly because it feels like their situation is never getting better (because neither side communicates their issues... or bother to seek help for themselves. but i believe in them)
ultimately, akijinPs do tend to focus on jin's characterization a lot more. not to say there aren't akiomi biases but. idk. it's feels sticky around these parts. self-destruction and control is a common theme here
jinaki fan content
jinakiPs love the young jin and akiomi dynamic, for sure. i'm not going to focus too heavily on it but its something to keep in mind.
jin has this unconscious responsibility over akiomi due to old habits. said habits are caused by their previous upperclassman and underclassman dynamic, even though they are equals now. this leads to a more capable, cooler image of jin. (not too capable though, of course. but he seems reliable to some extent...) remains to be pathetic but not brooding like the previous dynamic.
it's expected that akiomi would take care of jin more, but in this dynamic, jin takes care of her as well... spoils her? through physical affection. excessive flirting. the likes. idk. shes so girliepop. her super idol jin obsession is mentioned much more explicitly. more easily flustered.
a lot of the content is very domestic...! i think the idea of taking care of akiomi as much as possible is valued highly. it could lead to cases where jin feels extremely protective of akiomi but... again its not realized. (on rare occassions it is)
lots of doujins are cheesy i cringe happily
akijinaki fan content
theres like one. prominent "non-fixed" artist in the jp community. i mean, they lean towards jinaki dynamics but i just know they DGAF and carefully tag if their art is more akijin or jinaki leaning... for the sake of people sensitive to that stuff. though, whenever they draw akijin content, it's nooooonnnnne of that corpse like jin stuff. it's more like "....?! since when did my lil akiyan get so bold...?!" where jin is the flustered one with akiomi's advances while akiomi... is sometimes a little oblivious. hehe (i like dis artist)
thoughts on this
okay so. its not that serious. i have to remind you again. even after explaining all that... just in case because i feel crazy talking about this shit.
but yea. akijin community focuses more on the toxic parts of their relationship that we dont really get to see with jinaki. i think if you look closely at content from both communities from over the years (you can do that on pixiv since a flow of content doesn't even come that often), i guess you can probably get a better idea of what the hell i'm talking about. i'm.... actually unsure if this is understandable by just reading the jin and akiomi stories alone. i wouldn't know
in the end, it does boil down to sexual intent they have for these characters. um sometimes i guess
anyway...? to me? umm. i used to have a preference for akijin when i first got into enstars (mainly because a lot of the content i was first exposed to was from that community). i think it could be talked about even more deeply honestly but i really dont want to get into that.
damn. idk im different from yall i like toxic lesbians as a trans lesbian regardless of "positioning". live a little. also i think the toxicity could be talked about in jinaki. but i do like the mutual possessiveness... codependent lesbians ya.
i love old lesbian chu chu cope. thats what akijin and jinaki mean to me. as simple as it is. (it's not... i just wrote all of this...)
i'm normal i just like old people. thats it.
if you need anything that needs further explaining, let me know...? also i'm still curious where you got the idea that it's not just top/bottom dynamics... thanks for the ask again. i probably sound insane.
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2,8,10 & 18 for any of your oc’s!!
oo let's go! i'll probably pick and choose who to answer for which one
this got Long, so i'll put it under the cut!
2. Does your oc have any nicknames? How did they get these nicknames?
i think lyssa is the only one of my characters who has any nicknames? unless you count "des" for desdemona, but that's just a shortening i use because it takes so long to type her name
regular malk lyssa gets called "lyssie" by mars, her primogen/semi-sibling/closest remaining friend, which i think is very cute.
tremere lyssa also has nicknames - lizzie, for obvious reasons (which is funny because she's definitely gone by that name before but the player who came up with the nickname doesn't know), "queen of the blood-fuelled arts", and ooc "starscream lyssa" because that's basically her whole character archetype in this au.
8. What is your oc’s relationship status? Are they content with this?
all of my ocs are currently single because i have no idea how to get my characters into relationships with other people's characters 😔 but the in character reasons for this vary:
lyssa (in both iterations) is aroace and very happy to be single! actually, not entirely true - og lyssa is aware she's aroace and is perfectly fulfilled without romantic relationships, as she has plenty of other close friends and a found-family dynamic with the other malks. tremyssa is, of course, weird and fucked up about this as she is about all things, and thinks she's morally superior for not being "weighed down" by romantic and sexual attraction.
hellebore is single... kind of by choice? they've been in relationships before, and was in love in a relationship for a pretty long time until they were forced to break things off for the good of their partner. (it's a whole tragic story, i will elaborate on this at some point) working for the ivory tower does not do many favours for your interpersonal relationships. hellebore will claim to themself and others that they made the right choice, but... they're still lonely.
desdemona's whole THING is that she is deeply unfortunately single. she's still not over her ex, who broke up with her thirty years ago, and hopes desperately that one day they'll be together again. while waiting for miranda to come back into her unlife, she's not really interested in a new relationship.
ever has spent the last couple of months living a nightmare and is not really in a position to be dating. honestly at this point contact with ANYONE who isn't their sire or a mortal they're about to feed from would be good for them. maybe i should set them up with someone, i say, like an overly-involved mother
10. What’s your oc’s greatest weakness?
ooo this is a fun one.
it's hard to pinpoint Just One weakness for lyssa bc her motivations are so all over the place (and i play her quite inconsistently) but i'd say it's her aversion to conflict and unwillingness to pick a side - she wants everyone to get along and to smooth everything over, so she's not willing to step out of line.
tremyssa's weakness is her lack of control of her temper - the fact she's constantly on the verge of snapping and trying to pull all of the blood out of someone's body. the fact she thinks she has great self-control is just the funny cherry on top.
hellebore's weakness is their utter inability to open up to or trust anyone else. nobody trusts them because they're so guarded and suspicious, they're guarded and suspicious because nobody trusts them, so on and so forth.
des' is that she's generally a soft and decadent creature - she doesn't want anything to be difficult, so she's easily manipulated by what she wants.
ever is. a troubled beast. i would identify their need for people to like them as their biggest weakness - they're so much a people pleaser, they don't really have a concept of their own identity any more.
18. What’s your oc’s relationship like with their family?
hmm this is a fun one because families are one of the things i tend to neglect in a character's backstory, despite how important it is.
lyssa's mortal family is all dead now, but she was reasonably close with them when she was alive - she looks back on them with fondness. tremyssa is Solidly Neutral on her pre-embrace life... however i do think she maybe killed her husband shortly after being embraced. that would make sense
i have Nothing for hellebore's family - all i know is that they were a pickpocket on their own when they were embraced at some point in their late teens, so maybe their family were already dead or they ran away from home.
des was pretty close with her family i think? but she did leave them to go travelling with her sire without much of a second thought, so not that close.
not sure about ever yet. they're the one most likely to encounter their family again, as their parents are probably still alive, so i'll see what i can come up with to really twist the knife there.
okay that ended up being way more than expected. thank you for asking!!
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Asking for until dawn for the questions is obvious but I am genuinely curious
hey, nothing wrong with the obvious choice!
❤Favorite character: imagine if i got real ooc and didn't say josh LOL. nah, it's gotta be him. not just my favorite UD character but probably my Character of All Time. i love a self-loathing, self-destructive, become-the-villain type, and he ticks all those boxes. extra points for masking his vulnerabilities with charisma and humor. MWAH. what a chef's-kiss of a character.
👿Least favorite character: ashley. i love & respect that people fuck with her for her dark streak, and i think that makes her more interesting than she otherwise would be, but i don't really see why she's like that. many of the UD characters act in sort of...hate-able ways, but it's stated - or i can infer - what internal/external issues lead them to behave that way. with ash i'm like idk girl, kinda just seems like you're mean sometimes! more power to her, but not for me.
💐Comfort character: i know this is gonna come as a big surprise but........it's josh. guy's lived in my head rent-free for 7 years and i don't think he's ever moving out.
😍Character you have the biggest crush on: i'm past the age of having crushes on these characters, but in 2015-16, my ass was not immune to josh. his outdoors look, with the vest and the beanie - it's a good one.
🤝Character you relate to the most: chris. maybe i'm projecting lmao but his class clown vibe screams 'compensating for extreme social anxiety' to me, and that's something i relate to, especially in group situations.
🔥Character you think is overrated: i don't feel too strongly about this now, but if you asked me years ago, i would've said mike. some of the mike love at the height of the fandom went hand-in-hand with emily hate, and i didn't like that he seemed to skirt criticism just because he was funny.
🧨Character you love to hate: mike again. do i love to hate him? do i hate to love him? my relationship with him is complex and unknowable, even to myself. what i do know is that i derive great pleasure from shoving his fingers in that bear trap.
🙈Character you always forget exists: matt. nice guy, but his lack of screen time dooms him to being forgettable, and he honestly doesn't seem like he knows anyone that well. personally, i'd prefer if matt was Some Hot Guy emily found so she wouldn't have to show up alone, and that last-minute addition to the group is partly why josh sends them on a wild bag chase.
🐰Favorite non-human character: i don't have much choice besides handigo here, but thankfully handigo fucking rules. i love that hannah's association with the butterfly is not just an obvious nod to the butterfly effect but a symbol/foreshadowing of her later transformation. i love how brutally she destroys everyone, that her inclusion means UD is still a revenge story, but not the revenge story you thought it would be at the beginning. i don't think any piece of hannah is still in there - i think she's just a monster running on the fumes of residual emotions she doesn't even comprehend - but i don't think that makes her any less rad.
❤️🩹Character who deserved better: josh. while i can appreciate that the game is sympathetic towards him, it's simply not a good look to make him the only person who can't survive (in human form). i get that not being able to control his fate is The Point, but it's not worth feeding into the tired, bleak message that horror has a history of sending to those who are mentally ill.
(ask game here)
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Welcome Callie with your accepted app for Birdie Astor! Please check out this page for more information and send us her blog within 48 hours! Welcome to the group!
OOC INFORMATION:
Name/Alias: Callie
Preferred pronoun: She/They
Age: 25
Timezone/Country: GMT UK
RP Experience: I genuinely can’t give an estimate I just know it’s been Years.
Activity Level: 7/10 ish
IC INFORMATION:
Name: Elizabeth ‘Birdie’ Matilda Astor
Designation: submissive
Age: 25
Birthdate (click here for list): June 13th
Faceclaim: Hayley Williams
Orientation: Pansexual
Kinks: Age-play, pain play, praise, orgasm control, sensory deprivation
Anti-Kinks: Vore, gore, bathroom play, feet
Key Points:
Tries to find the good in everyone and everything - even when it’s difficult
Deceptively intelligent - plays several instruments and speaks three languages
Has been trying to stop biting her nails for years
Appears naive and gullible
Diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 16
BIO:
From an early age it had been Elizabeth’s mother's goal to shape her daughter into what she considered to be the perfect submissive. Long before receiving her mark was even thought of her mother had planned all sorts of lessons. At the age of seven Elizabeth was taught some basic stitches for sewing and how to properly present herself in public.
The lessons continued for years afterwards, and some of what she learned she knew would be useful but there was part of her that didn’t want to be another baby making submissive, but Elizabeth could never bring herself to say anything.
At the age of ten it was her father that decided his precious little girl needed to learn how to protect herself in the big wide world. He took it upon himself to teach her what he knew about self defense, it was safe to say that those lessons were much more enjoyable, even if her mother scolded her for tripping and ruining some clothes or getting a bruise she didn’t really mind.
Those lessons continued too, alongside her mother’s, and although she enjoyed them both neither were anything like what she wanted to do.
Elizabeth was fourteen when her grandma noticed it one day. They were watching television together, a channel that she’d let her granddaughter pick, and to say that it was unexpected was an understatement. She’d chosen to watch a medical programme, not a fictional one, but one that watched as real doctors and nurses attended to real patients. Elizabeth watched her grandma closely to see how she would react to that but when she saw nothing but genuine smiles she relaxed.
It was her grandma that she told first, that she wanted to be a doctor one day and help people, and her grandpa not too long after that. They both loved the idea. A couple of Elizabeth’s aunts had worked as nurses before but it was unheard of for a woman in the Astor family to become a doctor.
She kept it a secret from her parents for the time being. She couldn’t stand the thought of them being angry or disappointed with her for wanting something different. The things they wanted her to learn were useful too so Elizabeth didn’t really see the point in potentially starting an argument with them.
BIO QUESTIONS:
What are your feelings about the mark you have received?
Honestly, it didn’t come as much of a surprise, and I’m pretty okay with it. My daddy always said I was like whiskey in a tea cup and he never knew what mark I’d get ‘til I got it.
How do your feelings on the system compare to your parents’ feelings on it?
I mean, they’re not exactly…the same. I had a great time growing up and I was more than happy to play the part of the perfect daughter in public but I don’t see everything as black and white as they do.
Where do you see yourself after you graduate?
I’d love to go travelling, see the whole world, absorb as much of it as I can. Maybe I’ll get my masters, maybe I’ll have kids, who’s to say?
How do you feel about authority?
There’s a time and a place, for sure, but I don’t think it’s the best thing since sliced bread.
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I didn’t hate az/leah as much but I just couldn’t understand it. But honestly you make a very interesting argument: that az only did it cos she’s self destructive and insecure. I never thought of it like that. It was ooc in general but that analysis makes it less ooc. I appreciate people’s analysis on Az cos I don’t initially relate to her and sometimes the things she does confuses me, so thanks for sharing that view and giving me a different opinion on the event.
Arizona is a super interesting character bc she’s quite poorly developed on the show so you really have to sit and think about her and her intentions and motives and insecurities to be able to understand her. And of course there are loads of iterations of what she could be, of what her childhood and family may have been like, but you can definitely paint a picture of her that makes sense to the way she is in the show. Some other writers have explored this better than me for sure, but she’s such an interesting person. And though sure, some of the writing on the show is a very naff for her and I don’t like lots of the plotlines, most of her actions do make sense if you sit and think about them for a little bit. (If you want my take on other things pls ask, I’ll do my best to explain)
I can’t take full credit for the az/leah analysis as it came from the same friend I was chatting to about the little earthquakes stuff (she has a great mind I swear). I’d been saying how I could understand it kind of bc she just wanted to feel wanted and sexy again which is something she hasn’t felt in so long. (Obviously it’s not that Callie doesn’t want her rather I think that Callie was initially scared to show that she wanted her for fear of her reaction, and also that Arizona feels there is such much pressure riding on her being able to be ‘normal’ again. There just is so much history with Callie, not just becuase she’s her wife but also becuase of the circumstances of losing her leg, so I can understand why intimacy with Callie and normality with Callie feels impossible to achieve. (I know they already started having sex again when she cheated but even so I can understand the pressure she may have felt. Obviously I don’t agree with it and I hate it as a plot point but you know). And then my friend added the fact that Arizona is definitely one for self destructive behaviour (read: smoking, cheating etc), and actually it makes sense that she’d go for someone that are the opposite of Callie (blonde, inexperienced etc). It would have been a (incredible stupid) way to feel sexy and also in control again
Arizona is such an interesting character. I truly could write an essay on her past and motives and insecurities etc. it’s strange bc as much as I wish she’d been more fleshed out in the show, I do quite enjoy getting to fill those gaps myself, and I know others feel the same. Callie is so easy to understand (at least in my opinion) because it’s all laid out for you (and don’t get me wrong, I love that about her), but Arizona takes a bit more thinking and I love that about her.
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ꕥ — WELCOME TO NEFE COSMIA, BLAKE HAYDEN. 🌓
ꕥ — OOC INFORMATION;
name / alias: aether
age: 23
pronouns: he/they
ooc contact: @divinemodes on twitter
other characters in xc: B’hajah Tia (Paladin WOL), Quasar Devereux (original character), Eda Clawthorne (The Owl House)
ꕥ — IC INFORMATION;
Name: Blake Hayden
Age: 25
Pronouns: he/him, she/her
Series: original character
canon point: n/a
app triggers: Child abuse, divorce, sexual references, violence, mental illness, alcohol and drug use
Personality:
Essentially the ‘life of the party’ wrapped up into a single man and personified, Blake’s a bubbly, joyful, spontaneous and fun-loving kind of guy, even though he can and will be rude and seems to have a potent ego. To the point of being annoying at times, being a chatterbox and a loudmouth and a bit of an overdramatic sort at that.
Instead of trying to work on that, Blake happily embodies the fact that he’s usually either silly or suave, to the point of not taking things seriously…and acting outright incorrectly for certain situations, whether it be cracking jokes to cope with a tense situation or having a keen interest in morbid topics.
Besides, deep inside, he knows himself to be fundamentally broken, and prefers to distract himself from that fact with all the simple and vain pleasures of the world. And honestly, he doesn’t care if he’s seen as shallow. He also has no reservations about being two-faced and selfish, tending to think about himself and what he wants first and foremost - which also leads him to be impulsive.
And though he can acknowledge that’s bad, Blake tends to double down on that, stubbornly refusing to let anyone “fix” him. He’s quietly become jaded and bitter over the years, assuming that anyone who seems to earnestly want to help him improve is just someone who’s trying to make themself feel better or look good. Though he’s a people person and hates being alone, he’s simultaneously someone who’s cynical, and tries to hide and ignore the latter with the former.
something your muse struggles with:
A lack of honesty and sincerity. Blake has a very difficult time taking the mask off, and doesn’t want to be completely open and vulnerable in front of other people…and himself.
Being incredibly attention-seeking to a fault - in his eyes, all attention is good attention, and his sense of self-worth is based on how much he gets.
your muse’s greatest strength:
Sociability, being an eager, confident extrovert who’s excellent at talking to people.
hes like…hot…idk what else…
history / background:
Blake had quite...a troubled childhood. He was originally born as a human, to a mother and father that weren’t planning on having children in the slightest. In fact, they didn’t marry until after him, feeling obligated to do so. This, of course, turned out very poorly, as his mother Lilith turned out to be a bitter, angry woman, and his father Mitchell manipulative and controlling. Oftentimes they both- especially his father- treated him as the reason for their misery.
As a child, he was far more quiet and less confident than his current self. Due to his father’s strictness, he quickly learned how to get what he wanted and needed with stealth and finesse. After-school activities such as band and track/field became excuses to not be at home, though he came to find himself also enjoying them. He also started to frequently hang out with “the wrong people”, committing petty crime and other reckless teenage activities. It was also around his late teens when he began forcing himself to be more confident, aligning more with his current personality.
During his second year of high school, he was frequently picked up late when he went to after-school activities, and met another who had the same problem. Her name was Ivory Castell, and the two inevitably became friends over constantly being the two last students there. Ivory was hardworking and serious, and a definite do-gooder, things he was not. Though she was also very understanding of his situation, despite his flaws.
His late teens were the most chaotic, as he frequently and recklessly pursued romantic endeavors to make up for a lack of parental support. Young, dumb, and full of….you know ;), it was obvious that none of these ended particularly well. Blake decided to give up on the pursuit once he was older and turned to “no strings attached” type deals to get the physical intimacy that he believes is what he really wants, anyways.
By age 17, his parents divorced, forcing him to stay with his father as his mother did not have the mental stability to handle a child. At 18, his father ceased his support, no longer legally obligated to do so. Blake mostly stayed at the place where Ivory and her family lived, though they became distant due to her leaving for an out of state college and he got his own eventually. He, meanwhile, took a break for a year to get himself in a better position. Even then, after also attempting studies once more, he began to realize he was a bit lost, without direction. Especially now.
Most recently, while some friends were over at his place, a conversation or two landed in them visiting assorted, ancient web pages. Many of the topics were extremely nonsensical and silly, such as methods of how to contact the supernatural. With poor judgment, having too much free time, and alcohol, they decided to take one for a spin.
Nothing happened, so the group called it in for the night. Until he was alone. Little to his knowledge, it did work, summoning a demonic entity that lurked in his home until he was alone. The last thing he remembered from that night was a dark figure crawling out of his bathroom mirror before waking up the next day with horns. His friends didn’t believe him, obviously, for they couldn’t see them.
powers / abilities:
Perception manipulation - Blake’s unique demonic magic as a Second Circle mainly revolves around changing how reality is perceived through others’ senses. He can essentially create illusions at will, however ones that make good use of the setting and replicating effects he’s encountered before are more effective. These illusions affect all senses, but cannot do damage- any injuries or destruction created by them will cause pain and visible results, but all of this will disappear once the illusion is no longer up. The larger and/or more potent an illusion is, the longer it takes for him to cast and more it needs to be concentrated on. If an object/creature in an illusion is “destroyed” or “slain”, it disappears in a puff of smoke. These illusions cannot fully substitute for the real thing. A unique property of his illusions is that they can interact with illusions from other sources as if both were physical and real (and vice versa).
Blessings / Curses - He can bestow temporary advantages or disadvantages, respectively, onto others. These usually are something related to his abilities with perception manipulation, and as a demon, his “blessings” must always have a drawback beside their limited timeframe. Examples would be granting someone very keen eyesight in trade for being unable to hear well (blessing), or making someone constantly smell something foul (curse). Additionally, material components may be required to cast these, and he must physically be with the person to do so.
Shapeshifting - He can shift between three distinct forms.
Human - The previous form and appearance he had before becoming possessed. Exactly the same as it used to be, although he now has sharper canines. The form his corpse takes upon death. Image ref.
Midpoint - His “default” form, where his body structure is similar to his human self, though he has notably demon features such as horns/patches of scales/differently colored eyes/fangs/a tail. Image ref.
True - The form taken when he fully gives into the possession, making him appear truly monstrous as his body becomes covered with scales, and sprouts claws and wings. This form considerably increases his physical and magical strength, but is difficult to control. Image ref.
inherent abilities:
Dexterity - After years of training himself to be, Blake is dexterous and nimble, both when it comes to moving around and acts of sleight-of-hand.
Musical skill - He’s a good singer and great at the electric guitar, pretty much.
Demon physiology - He has somewhat superior strength and endurance to typical humans, resistance to the heat and cold, the ability to see in the dark, and can climb up walls/across ceilings with ease. He also could feasibly subsist off of drinking blood, but tends to eat normal foods and only really has it as a supplementary thing.
Vulnerabilities - Holy water, holy magic, and weapons blessed by celestial/divine beings will cause him grave injury and grace him with burns. Spending too much time in areas that are “holy” (like churches) will cause him headaches and fatigue that will devolve into sickness and even shock if too much time is spent there. The exception to this is holy spaces/objects/magic blessed by deities of darkness/night/the moon and similar aspects.
Demon blood - As a demon, his blood innately carries the essence of magic, though this doesn’t actually do much of anything except register as magical if detected, or used as a reagent or ingredient in potions, enchantments, and other recipes to make them magical by someone who knows what they’re doing. His blood can also be used to make potent hallucinogens and stimulants. Blake doesn’t know any of this so he can’t really harness it.
items / weapons:
An electric guitar + the amp, both lovingly covered with stickers.
A rapier made of solidified darkness, which can be conjured in an open hand.
Several game consoles and their cartridges.
Tears of Asmodeus - A silver ring with bright pink gemstones. When he channels his perception manipulation magic through it, the illusions created cause lasting physical harm even after they are dispelled. For this to take effect, the visage created must genuinely cause the target distress. Doing this consumes some of Blake's blood, and these illusions take more energy than usual.
starting ability: Perception manipulation
starting item: Guitar
extra:
Image refs for his appearance + everything can be found under the ‘Shapeshifting’ section!
Blake is from an original setting made by me. For more information on all of that, check out here and here.
hes like buri! but also not :)
discord id: cambion#7551
Passcode: literally “sometimes the sexiest people are hurting the most... </3″
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the gloriana set (derogatory)
around chapter 50 im like, where has the story gone? why has every character turned into a caricature of themselves? nothing is happening at this point except drawn out, cartoonish behaviour and pure nonsensical drama. ok cool neville is here but forcing him to talk about his sex life when he's obviously uncomfortable seems extreme and wrong. is this supposed to be a display of friendship? am i the only one who thinks it's not cool.
also what started off as ok cool hermione establishing her independence and individuality, has sourly turned into hermione acting like a rabid chihuahua without a shred of self awareness. and not in a cute way. by giving the story a focal point of "situations where men displayed an undercurrent of controlling, patronising, manipulative behaviour get taught a lesson by the narrative" to "the only thing holding the narrative and it's characters together are displays of controlling, patronising, manipulative behaviour." oh btw let me just toss in an attempted sa and then never mention it again because my sidekicks have taken up an uncomfortably large portion of the story. also these cheap gimmicks will not provide anything to the story, the story doesn't exist anymore because all you're reading is what should be ooc crack one-shots that have deviated so far from the original premise, you don't even know what you're reading anymore.
but sure, fuck it let's just destroy all these characters we spent 50 chapters creating. fuck why not turn ron into a horrid, possessive, stupid, spitting and drooling caricature of a dog on a leash as a friend? i feel like on one hand ok cool you've accomplished a lot in terms of character progression... but know when to stop. i miss hermione and her loop. i miss malfoy having depth. you're really going to mention draco's love is an obsession and then show me exactly how it is and then want me to accept it as the new driving power in the narrative? like. HER LOOP ISN'T EVEN MENTIONED ANYMORE!!! you had so many opportunities.... where are they gone? theo's character is probably the only part of this im still invested in. ginny has 0 personality, blaise is taking up way too much space, the flashback was terribly written, and the prank on astoria is like 10 chapters late of me even caring about it.
to take all this extra shit out, bringing it back to basics of shit: there's a curse on hogwarts (wow malfoy blood...), astoria (get punkd sucka), hermione's plan for after hogwarts (just like hermione's pov, im just trying to get through this story one day at a time), hermione and ginny's friendship taking a back seat to their boytroubles, the aspect of boytroubles at all honestly..., hermione and draco get together and don't immediately solve all the sexual tension they both have with each other AND theo (let's be honest). this is debt of time level painstakingly boring middle material. just waiting tens of thousands of words to get to a story that could've been told better and more succintly if the author had any sense of tension, payoff, build-up, and character loyalty and didn't just fuck around in the mud.
why is everyday like bam wake up bam something happens bam something happens bam she sleeps 7 hours, girl im exhausted even reading about your day let alone wanting to imagine it in even more detail.
im going to hold out hope that maybe it turns around.... but honestly im so sick of these assholes.
at least i always have the first 25 chapters to reread that i can still enjoy. if anyone can tell me otherwise to any of the above i welcome it. i desperately wish i was wrong.
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Murray is the emotional core of the cooper gang and i will die on this hill
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