#'i just want you to know who i am' book 3 demo readers KNOW WHAT I MEAN

[myimaginedcorner]

SCALES OF JUSTICE - BETA-BOOK CLOSED, DEMO ESTABLISHED AND FINAL STAGE BEGUN

At last, we're here, my dear reader. After more than two years of sweat and tears, you and I are witnesses to this book's full release, the end that lays foundations to the fresh beginning of a bigger journey. I cannot express just how grateful I am to everyone who's been supporting me throughout this time, to each who wrote their lovely messages and useful advise that helped me keep improving with my every chapter. The road ahead doesn't look long, now - there's only some re-writing left, and then, I'm submitting this project to the judgement of Hosted Games. If we're lucky, this is but a step in a story that has not yet seen its rightful end.

FULL BETA-BOOK IS NOW UNAVAILABLE: A DEMO VERSION HAS BEEN ENABLED UP TO CHAPTER 5.

Now that the long weekend has ended, I'll begin with my thorough re-read of the book, a re-write of some sloppy scenes and a proper check of stats and their effect on your experience, to make sure this game is enjoyable and worthy to be officially released. I thank you all again for your patience, for your support and love - I'll do my best to bring you a good final product.

As usual, I welcome any feedback, for my beta-tester is becoming a woman of Science (I've also slightly broken her with a Baldur's Gate 3 obsession). If you have any issues, recommendations, or comments in general about my work, feel free to text me here or make a post in CoG forum, where I will be answering you to the best of my capabilities. I tried my best to bring this update quickly - I checked for bugs, but I'm always very grateful for any help!

KNOWN BUGS:

Sometimes, the image for Chapter 5's title doesn't appear at the beggining of the chapter. I'm unsure why, and thus the bug still persists.

DEMO DESCRIPTION:

Scales of Justice is a fantasy game situated in another world, far away from Earth. There are plenty of species living together in harmony, but the human race is currently split in two civilisations: the one known as Hero kingdom, which is ruled by ‘heroes’, and the one named Vannais kingdom, controled by ‘villains’. Both nations hate each other and the fight between ‘heroes’ and ‘villains’ here is something that happens on a national level. The game is focused on lore, on character development and your own perception of reality: perhaps, your MC just wants to live a peaceful life... or maybe wants to save the world.

Or even rule it, if you’re into such things.

THINGS TO DO IN THIS DEMO:

Set off on a new adventure towards Neutral Lands, to meet a mythic creature of all answers - The Visionary.

Gather up to 3 companions to help you in your quest - befriend, romance or rival them, the choice is yours.

Buy a horse - we know you want one.

Fight, conjure, support, speak or think - choose your way of handling a tricky situation.

Explore the kingdom of Hero up to Menai's shore, in search for someone - or something - to aid you in your journey.

The DEMO version of the book runs up to Chapter 5 and contains 276K words overall. I will be putting up updated versions of the first chapters as I work my way through them, so expect the DEMO version to become a polished reflection of what the final book will look like!

USEFUL LINKS:

If you want to know a little more about this project and read chapters 1-5, I'll leave the link to the game here -> https://dashingdon.com/play/myimaginedcorner/scales-of-justice/mygame/

If you want to discuss anything on CoG's forum, I'll leave the link for SoJ here -> https://forum.choiceofgames.com/t/wip-scales-of-justice-new-project-announcement-and-demo-release/101088/16

If you want to send me a more extensive feedback, here's my email -> [email protected]

Any mistakes, concerns or questions you have, feel free to contact me through Tumblr! I am very excited to share this story with all of you, and I want to make it as good as possible with your help!

RO DESCRIPTIONS:

Shoren/Seile -> Heir to the Hero kingdom's throne, right where your journey starts. Also, your old friend who's very attached to you. Likes to read and practices magic, enjoys adventure and heroic deeds. A recognised “hero”, with blonde curly hair, pale skin and a pair of beautiful blue eyes.

Robert/Reina -> Order's Paladin, defender of Hero and Knight of Fate. Brave and honourable, determined to protect the people of the kingdom. Very loyal to friends and very dangerous as an enemy. Has short brown hair, tanned skin and an athletic build.

Valerius/Venis -> An Outworlder, who was caught by cultists from the Wicked Woods. Gracious, elegant and charismatic. Has long dark brown hair with a silver streak, olive skin and golden eyes.

Arion/Aria -> Leader of Vannais, a recognised “villain” who escaped from Hero and now rules the enemy kingdom. Serious, reserved but temperamental. Prefers action over words and so is always present on battlefields and amidst negotiations, even though never in official manner. Has short blonde hair, pale skin and emerald eyes.

Be careful! These characters have their thoughts and opinions on the world and your actions: if you want them to support you, convince them or take their side… or neither. That is your choice after all!

#scales of justice #interactive story #full book release #book finished #thank you all #interactive if #hosted games

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

hi! this is the same anon who asked about the writing thing but--since they all had switched classes, is how you tagged/call them what they refer to each other as? (so like everyone refers to them as mediscout, engimed, demo-spy, etc.) or do they just refer to them as their new classes (so referring to the mediscout purely as Medic?) obviously they call solly spyder (which i think is so cute and very fun :>) but im curious about the others! so i guess this goes into the territory of: are there any nicknames they all call each other--or at least ones you think stand out?

Hello hello! First of all, thank you so much for asking so many questions and allowing me to talk about my AU to you all, I really appreciate that you guys are enjoying this as much as I am! <3

Second of all, I'm so sorry this took so long to answer!! I have seen your other ask concerning the writing for my AU, and I have to tell you beforehand that it's okay if you lost motivation or inspiration to write this during the long wait. I totally understand if you don’t feel like doing this anymore. Please don't force yourself to write for something you lost interest in. But I’ll gladly still infodump you about the AU!

Names:

Sure, if you wanted to you could just call them their job names. It would make it easier for the readers to recognize each character, but I do have some actual names I came up with if you prefer something more natural sounding!

All the job switched mercs chose their own names, but I deliberately made the names they chose sound as close as possible to the OG Red mercs'. Because the irony here is that they are clones who try so desperately to be unique and different from the OG team, but still managed to somehow copy them despite all their efforts not to.

But I'm really shit at naming things so the effect was kinda lost :')

Sniper as Soldier- Monday or Mondy

Reason: When asked about his name choice, he paused for a moment and asked back, "what day is it today?"

"Monday."

"Monday it is, then."

Soldier as Spy- June or Spyder

Scout as Medic- Germs (short for germinoma) (yeah idk what happened with this one but I didn't wanna call him Jerry either)

Reason: June chose the wrong day to ask Germs about name choices. When asked, the battle worn, tired, salty field-medic grabbed a random medical book from his bookshelf; opened the book; flipped to a random page; viciously stabbed his finger on a random spot on the page and read the word under his finger: "germinoma"- all the while maintaining direct eye contact. It was supposed to be sarcastic. June took it literally, so it became his permanent nickname (much to his dismay)

Medic as Engineer- Ludovic (sometimes they call him Ludo, for short)

Spy as Demoman- Louise, Lois, Lassie, Louisiana, Lyse (any name similar sounding enough to Lois works)

Reason: His "boom sticks" are modified versions of an actual French cigarette brand called "Gauloises". Since none of the mercs actually knows how to read French, they severely butchered the pronunciation and ended up just dropping the beginning of the word entirely, sticking with "loises". However, everyone had varying interpretations of how to pronounce THAT too. So his exact name remains a mystery, and he won't clarify either (he finds it fun to see them try and guess).

Demoman as Sniper- Trevis

Heavy as Pyro- Mikel

Engineer as Heavy- Belle

Pyro as Scout- Zippo

Reason: ya know... zippo lighters... and he's a scout now, so he ZIPS past you... get it?

These are all very bad names, I know, but hopefully you can tolerate my utterly abysmal naming skills :')

Nicknames:

- Monday sometimes calls Lois "Goldilocks" as his own godawful pronounciation of "Gauloises". It annoys Lois to no ends and Mondy loves it.

- He also sometimes calls Germs "bun-bun" to piss him off about his buck teeth. He feels too bad to joke about Belle's tho.

- Monday uses the most nicknames with others, 90% of which is to mock or annoy but it's all in good fun (usually)

- THEY'RE ALWAYS THE SILLIEST NICKNAMES TOO, WITH EVEN SILLER STORIES BEHIND THEM. Just think of the dumbest, goofiest, sounding names

- He once honest to God called Mikel "Jason" and did NOT elaborate

- Germs rivals Monday with his own silly nicknames for everyone, but his tend to be a bit more... vulgar

- "HEY FUCKNUGGETS"

- "fly high, chucklefest junior!"

- "calm down Colonel shrinky-dink"

Okay, that's it for now. love you, bye bye, I'll see u again in another ask!

#tf2 #team fortress two #my art #asks #job switcheroo au #job switch mercs #tf2 oc #tf2 au #tw scopophobia #tw eyestrain #job switcheroo

[incandescentflower]

tagged by @stickers-on-a-laptop!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

107 (2 are wips)

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

849,849 (that's really true. kind of spooky huh?)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

whatever hits the feels and gives me ideas. the majority is bl. right now it's Bad Buddy and Cherry Magic Thailand. The fandom I've written the most fics for is the Cherry Magic jdrama.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Up the Ante, Bad Buddy

Logical Syntax, Semantic Error

a boyfriend demo with premium features, Semantic Error

Be a good hyung, Semantic Error

one week is long enough to dream - Kieta Hatsukoi

5. Do you respond to comments?

always! sometimes it takes me a little longer than others but I always want to acknowledge when someone comments because they are such a boost.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't usually end in angst but I wrote something for a 1K challenge and it definitely was the angstiest ending I have ever written - before you go in Bad Buddy fandom.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The overwhelming majority of my fic have happy endings and I don't really know how to determine the level of happiness. I do think angst with happy endings feels more cathartic. I have 8 fic in that tag.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I only once got full on hate on a fic. A reader said they wished they could take their kudos back. It was top/bottom drama and I don't engage in that bs.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

72/107 fic are rated E or M. It's always for smut. I once had a reader tell me that I am the master of the comfort smut genre. I am very pleased with that. :)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

I have never written one, but lately I've had some ideas churning

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yep! many times. I'm very honored when someone does that. Same goes with podfic or art.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, haven't been able to yet. It's hard for me to find the time to dedicate to something more complex like that.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I don't like to choose favorites. All my ships are beloved for various reasons, but wangxian is the one that first truly set my brain on fire.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't have one. If I want to finish it, I will finish it. I'm stubborn like that. It might take some time. I've had a few where it has taken me a couple of years to complete, but I still completed them.

I have had a few fics I've given up on because I didn't want to write them anymore.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm not sure. My writing is led by character emotions and I think people enjoy that. I've been told I am good at characterization.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I love clauses, give me all the clauses, who needs to end a sentence... we can just go on forever.

Long plotting and story structure is often overwhelming for me too.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

This feels like something strange to have an opinion on, honestly. If it fits the story then why wouldn't you? You just have to keep in mind what it tells the audience who are reading in the primary language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Raven Cycle - a wonderful YA book series if you have not read it. It's my favorite book series.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh no, more trying to choose. I honestly don't think I have one. If I wrote something long, it's because I had an idea I loved. And sometimes my short fic get to the crux of what I love about a show and distills it in a way that lets me roll around in it for a while. I think usually my favorite fic (and also my most hated fic) tends to be the one I am currently writing.

tagging @galauvant @dimplesandfierceeyes @sunshinedobi @bestbuds55 because I've seen you all writing lately, but no pressure! Feel free to pass if you don't want to do it.

#tag games #fic writing #my fic

[misschimotosuwa-blog]

Study Date Confession

Genre: fluff

Characters: Iruma-kun, Reader (fem), Opera, Sullivan, Alli (Gluttonous Feeder Ring)

T/W: none

A/N: wow, fanfic writing is fun, I see why y'all do it. I wrote this for some comfy feelings tonight, and it worked ☺️💕🥺 hope someone out there besides me enjoys this haha

Still the same Iruma I fell for ❤️

You’ve had a crush on Iruma for about 3 months now

No, not because he has been “standing out” or because he is the Grandson of the famous demon Sullivan — but because he’s shown and taught you things you’ve never known or realized before in the Netherworld

You’ve started studying together quite frequently — but you desire more — yet you’re still too shy to do anything about it

Today will be another study date with Iruma — this time, at his house

You finished up with class, then met up with him outside of The Royal One.

You then proceeded to WALK to his house??  You wonder why you would not fly?  Does he want more time alone with you?? 

You blush hard as you continue the walk to his house.

You finally arrive

Wow his house is huge

You begin to show a concerned look on your face

Iruma notices, and reaches out his hand to you

“It’s alright (Y/N)” Iruma smiled and stretched out his hand to you.  Ba-dump.  Your heart began to race as you took his hand, and squeezed it tight as you continued through the gates of the Sullivan mansion. 

An androgynous looking demon with cat ears and red hair opened the door for you.  “Welcome home Iruma — and a welcome to you miss (Y/N)”. “Thanks Opera” Iruma gestured you through first, and Opera whispered something into Iruma’s ear that made him turn bright red as he rushed in right after you.  

“Welcome home my darling Iruma!!” a tall elderly demon rushed to hug Iruma and spun him around.  He set Iruma down “my goodness me, is this (Y/N), the demoness you’ve been spending all of your precious time with??  Ooooh how beautiful!  Isn’t my Grandson just the GREATEST?!” “Grandpa!!!!” Opera grabbed Sullivan by the collar “we’ll be heading out for errands now”.  “Awww but I wanna see this momentous occasion in my Grandson’s liiiiife…. Bye bye my sweet Iruma…..” The front door closed.

“Well, should we get to studying?” Iruma smiled awkwardly as your heart began to race even faster and harder. (We’re all alone now, oh my gosh oh my gosh… ok.. be cool… just be cool).  “Yes, yes.. let’s do just that!” You stammered.  

You and Iruma headed to his room

Geez it was enormous!

His bed was so luxurious and you were so tempted to jump right in

Iruma sat on his bed and opened his text book “so what should we study first?” He smiled at you.  But today, you just couldn’t pay attention.  Your heart just wouldn’t calm down.  I mean, you’re in the boy you like’s room!!  “I-I.. I need to use the restroom…” (what am I saying?!) You headed out the door to search for the restroom.  

Meanwhile Iruma’s POV

Iruma flopped over onto his bed “…I wonder what’s up with (Y/N)… she’s been silent all day… did I upset her?”.  Alli popped out of the glutoness feeder ring “my, I wonder?”  “Huhh???” “It’s obvious, my dear little Iru.” “Wh..what’s obvious.” “You really don’t get it do you?” Alli face-palmed “the poor girl is in love.” “In Love?  With who?”  Alli sighed “with YOU!”.  “Huh?!  With me?!?!  There’s no way.”  “You really are clueless.  Well, what’re you gonna do about it, small fry?”  “Me?  I.. I don’t know… I’ve never had a girl be in love with me before.. I’ve never even been on a date.. I was always too busy working back in the human realm.  I’m not even sure I’ve ever had a crush on a girl — there just wasn’t any time.  Well, what do you think I should do, Alli?”  “Well, that depends on you.  Do you fancy her too, hmm?”  Iruma put his hand on his chin and began to think.  He began to picture all of the times he’s spent with you, all of the laughs, smiles — everything.  And for some reason… began to smile… a whole-hearted genuine smile that radiated from his entire being.  You could almost see beams of light surrounding him.  “Well, I’ve never really experienced any romantic feelings before.. but I do know that (Y/N) is very special to me… maybe I’ll try and see how I feel when she gets back.”  

The door creaked open

“H-hey Iruma-kun, sorry I took a bit” you smiled very awkwardly and hesitantly sat down beside Iruma.  Ba-dump!  Just after you had left to get your heart rate in check, it sky rocketed almost immediately being in such close proximity to such a beautiful angel.  “It’s alright (Y/N) no worries!”  Iruma smiled his usual cheerful smile.  “Shall we continue our studies?”  You nodded as you admired his big beautiful eyes and adorable smile.  Iruma began reading the textbook passage, but no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t focus on anything other than his soft and soothing voice.  “(Y/N)……(Y/N)…… (Y/N)?”  You finally snapped out of it.  “Y-yes, Iruma-kun?”  He closed his text book.  “We don’t have to study tonight, I think we’re pretty much caught- up on the curriculum by how often we’ve been studying recently.  May I ask what’s bothering you?  I’d really hate it if I hurt or offended you in any way.”  You shook your head and hands frantically “No, no! You’ve got it all wrong!”  “I have?  Well, that’s a relief”. Iruma reached out and put his right hand gently on your head and gazed at you in a sweet and heartfelt manner “mind telling me what’s really going on?  I’d like to help if I can.”  Out of instinct you took his hand that was on your head and placed it against your cheek.  “I-I….. I love you Iruma-kun!  I can’t keep that from you any longer!”  Your eyes widened, and you immediately curled into a shy ball hiding from whatever happens next. 

You were now surrounded in your own thoughts, insecurities, and darkness.  (What will Iruma say?  What will he do?  Is our friendship now over??). 

Light peeked in through your pit of self-doubt and darkness.  Iruma swooped you up into a princess carry and nuzzled your face.  “I guess I didn’t realize until now… but, (Y/N), I love you too”.  Iruma stared at you with such an honest and earnest gaze, even though you’ve been burned by many demon boys before.. this time… it truly seemed different.  “Oh, Iruma…” you smiled back so tenderly.  You two connected foreheads and gazed at the beautiful Netherworld moonlight beaming through his balcony window.  You ran your fingers through his soft, feathery blue hair.  “Oh how I love you Iruma… can I ever say it enough?”  Iruma’s knees buckled and his face turned red… the two of you toppled over.  You giggled profusely and pet his head “still the same Iruma I fell for”.  You smiled at each other, and you proceeded to hug while still toppled over.  You laid atop Iruma as he gently pet your head, and the two of you drifted into a soft and blissful sleep.

A highschool study date turned into a sleepover... Huh. I wonder how Sullivan and Opera reacted?

#welcome to demon school iruma kun #welcome to demon school iruma kun fanfiction #iruma x reader #im in love with Iruma #iruma kun #wtdsik opera #wtdsik sullivan #wtdsik alli #glutinous feeder ring #mairimashita irumakun #mairimashita! iruma kun #mairimashita iruma kun

[grapecaseschoices]

A du M for the 🎶 ask? 😳

for the characters and lyrics meme:

A du Mortain:

And I'd give up forever to touch you 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't wanna go home right now

Iris by Goo Goo Dolls (Kina Grannis version)

tl;dr ramble under cut.

DON'T LAUGH AT ME! BECAUSE THIS IS SO FUCKING CORNY. I knowwwww this is so fucking corny! But I was reading through my A du Mortain tag and I happen upon these two metas (might have spoilers) and this post. And I was to my self 'hur hur hur Adam is a repressed bi aspec man!' But I was like no, A isn't repressed.

I mean it IS fun to make fun of A for being repressed. Yes, they're hard-nosed. Yes, they're by the book. However, A doesn't really shy away when they have an opinion and they're quite open about their love for their found family, as well as their growing respect for the detective.

As the meta states, A isn't ignoring or in denial of their feelings, they're in control of their actions. I suppose self-denial and that level of self-control / sacrificing of one's emotions is repression. However, I couldn't help but be struck that even with ALL THAT, even with what we know to be insurmountable will ... those feelings still slip. They still leak out continuously.

And it's frustrating. It is frustrating for the detective, for us as players, because it seems so wishy washy / hot and cold. But when you think about it ... I guess in a meta perspective -- Doesn't it say something about how STRONG and POWERFUL A's feelings are?

Like I read relationship A asks responses thinking 'this bitchis so corny' And there was one answer given once that described in-a-relationship!A as "no longer holding back". And that's how the song just HIT me! A's emotions, A's LOVE for the detective are SO POWERFUL that they reach through that brick wall of stubbornness to allow the detective to feel it, to be aware of it. And that's so much for me. And I'm crying in the club. AND IT IS YOUR FAULT.

#a du mortain #grapecase answers #me: why would she do this i have no songs for a idk how to playlist #also me: *sobbing* AND I'D GIVE UP FOREVER TO TOUCH YOU BC I KNOW THAT YOU'D FEEL ME SOMEHOW #YOU'RE THE CLOSEST TO HEAVEN THAT IVE EVER BEEN #the wayhaven chronicles #twc #ava du mortain #adam du mortain #'i just want you to know who i am' book 3 demo readers KNOW WHAT I MEAN #thank you #valerie broussard's version is also very good but i just love kina's a bit more

[interact-if]

Day 3 of A/PI Heritage Month featured authors interview! Please perceive... Jess!

Jess, author of A Bard's Tale

A/PI Heritage Month Featured Author

It takes place on the fictional continent of Amaran, a high fantasy setting based on Asian and Pacific Islander cultures as opposed to traditional Eurocentric high fantasy.

In the wake of a terrible war, you are a young bard just starting your journey. Will you answer the call to adventure and embark to rouse the sleeping gods?

(INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT!)

Q1: First of all, introduce us to your project! What is it about?

A Bard’s Tale is a story about a bard, and about a few more bards, and a world that is still living in the wake of war and occupation.

More specifically, it is the story of a bard (you!) and your quest to wake Amaran’s sleeping gods. The Bard has been experiencing recurring dreams prior to the start of the story, calling them to the capital city of Mahar’il – where they meet a colorful cast of companions and take the first steps of their journey.

A Bard’s Tale mixes old faithful D&D/RPG elements with dating sim-esque romance, and doesn’t take itself too seriously. The result is some good, clean fun. (Or dirty, depending on your choices.)

Q2: If it’s not too spoilery, what are you most excited about your project?

(Future scenes, can’t wait for readers to get to xyz place in the plot, etc.etc.)

I am most excited for readers to take their first steps onto the road. Mahar’il is meant to be a “home,” of sorts, and so these first chapters are adamant about familiarizing the reader with the city and the people they can expect to find here. But Amaran is so much bigger. I’m excited for people to see some of the other cities and regions that they’ve been only briefly introduced to so far, and also to get cracking on the complicated dynamics of Aspen and Tempest.

Q3: What inspired the current project you’re working on?

I’ve been working and playing in the larger world of Valia for a long time – through homebrewing D&D campaigns, and through the novel I am also working on, which takes place a continent away and a few hundred years in the past.

A Bard’s Tale sprung from the thought of “What will this world look like when this is all over?” “How will these people start to heal?” And, of course, “If I wrote a dating sim, who are Amaran’s most eligible bachelor(ette)s?”

Q4: Do you pull from your own identity for inspiration? How has that been reflected in your work?

I do! I am a biracial Korean-American, and both my parents were also born in America. It comes with a lot of diaspora blues, which I try not to project onto my characters that live in a fictional high fantasy world where racism and borders don’t have to exist. I admit that it tends to project pretty heavily anyway on the half-elves, Edin and Han.

The influence from my cultural background will become more evident the farther from Mahar’il that we get – particularly in the Jinju and Kujaku regions, which are inspired by Joseon-era Korea. (Loosely, in Kujaku’s case.)

Mahar’il is a cultural melting pot, and my inspiration for it is actually, largely, San Francisco. I’ve always admired the architecture of SF, and how the juxtaposition of antique and modern, ethnic (particularly Asian) and American, creates a sort of chaotic harmony.

However, I feel that it is important to note that the perspective from which I write is that of an Asian-American, and not just an Asian. My story is not rooted in Asian mythology, nor does its structure reflect Asian media and literature, because my foundation is largely Western.

Q5: What’s been your experience so far? With writing, with the if community...

Writing has always been second nature to me. Translating that to game code has been a bit tricky but I manage. And if I get stuck, I’ve made plenty of friends in the IF community, both authors and readers, who are more than willing to lend a hand.

In terms of my readers, I feel so, so blessed by you guys. I started this for fun, truly, thinking no one would be willing to read such a niche story and certainly not clamor for more than a demo. The support I’ve gotten from the community has been astounding, and I’m truly grateful for it.

Q6: Finally, what piece of advice would you give to fellow authors?

My biggest advice is do what makes you happy, and write from your heart. Inspiration will not always be there when you want it to be, and that’s okay. Set out a pot of coffee and a nice inviting blanket for when that fickle mistress decides to appear. Don’t shy away from projects that aren’t capturing your attention, but don’t devote more time to them than you want to. No one is judging your pile of half-finished drafts, except yourself.

Go where the wind takes you, even if it’s not “profitable” or even “good,” because every minute that you spend writing makes you a better writer. And on that note, write write write. I don’t think you need to set a daily timer, or whatever Stephen King said in his self-help book, but if you make a habit of it you will see progress. And read read read. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so read voraciously – and take a scalpel to your favorite books. Learn from them, dissect them, understand what makes them tick and then sprinkle a little of that in your own work.

And finally, fix your sleep schedule. I know you need to.

#if: events #Asian/Pacific Islander Month 2021 #Asian/Pacific Islander Heritage Month 2021 #a/pi month #a/pi month 2021 #aapiheritagemonth #aapi month #interactive fiction #authors of color

[venteamocha]

Hello! Sometimes I see you post stuff from IF blogs and I've recently started playing some IF games, which I've enjoyed so far. Do you have any IF stories you'd recommend in particular? I'm not attached to any particular genre and I don't need romance or a self-insert main character, (though I'm not opposed to either). Though, it's a definite plus if it's LGBTQ+ inclusive! I'm not really sure what the "cornerstones" are of IF so I'll take any and all recommendations haha

Oh god, I play so many IFs. So many. And it’s not even close to all of them, but I’m trying!!

Tbh IFs without romance seems to be very rare, I think because when I think IF I think Choice of Games, and those pretty much always have romance in them. At least, the most well known ones do. But a well done one without romance would be nice too!

Okay, this is a list of my favourites! They’re all LGBT+ inclusive, and most have gender selectable love interests, or at least ones that change gender depending on the gender and sexuality combination you pick. In no particular order, of course.  Behind a cut because I’m gonna give them each a mini review. Because I haven’t done that yet.

(There are so many.)

Mind Blind: I absolutely love our big brother Nick, I love how witty and sharp so much of the dialogue is, I love how the MC clearly has a rather large handicap, but is still such an important person to so many people and not looked down on in the slightest. And when they are, we all know it’s because that person is a jerk! They’re not defined by what they aren’t, but what they are, and that’s a great message.

Shepherds of Haven: Part of why I love this one so much is I just love fantasy settings and this one just pulls it off so well. The cast is full of amazing characters, and I gotta say I die inside pretty regularly for not being able to afford the patreon content, lol. The author puts so much amazing stuff on there, and gives us so much great content in the game and through answers on tumblr, and you can tell this whole thing is just the best thing ever to them, and that makes it the best ever for us readers too!

The Wayhaven Chronicles: I’d be shot if I didn’t mention this one, the series that literally killed dashingdon when the book 3 demo dropped!! Again, another author that cares a lot and does their best to do right by their fans. We’ve been given drip after drip of these amazing characters backstories, and I just cannot wait for more! It’s definitely very romance centered, but the overall plotlines are also very good, and I have to say that no matter who I romance, I just feel like the group as a whole is a family. And that’s wonderful.

Speaker: I really like the lore. I really like the lore. I can’t wait until we get more of the overall plotline. Mostly I want my Speaker to get in deep trouble so Seb, Li and Seer (best sister ever) go off and beat the shit out of whatever is causing it. This probably says something about me, but what can I say, I thrive on angst and inflicting near death injuries on my OCs. Sometimes I even kill them, although all of this is offtopic. Or is it? I guess we’ll find out, although I doubt we’ll actually be able to kill off Speaker. And yes, I am definitely playing the Seb & Li poly route. I love them both so much. 

Wilhelmina: I love vampires, ok? Ok? And this one is based off Dracula!! The OG!! And you can choose Drac’s gender!! Shit, sign me up forever!! Yeah, she might be literally killing my bff, torturing my fiancé and low key fucking with my mind, but vampires are hot!! Let me live! Or not. But yeah, this is a really well done retelling of the Dracula novel and I like how well it works as an IF. Did I mention I like vampires?? Especially when they get all monstery?? (This one has an MC with a set gender, as it’s based on an already existing literary figure. Mina can have a same sex relationship with dracula, if you make drac a female, or with Lucy, a female love interest.)

More Things in Heaven and Earth: Hi Nell!! First off, I gotta uncover a deep shame of mine. My family literally has a Shakespeare heirloom collection. As in, my greatgrandfather passed down through the family a collection of Shakespeare that was published in 1911. In ye olde englishe. I tried to read it when I was like 10 and was like what language is this?? What the fuck? What the fuck??? And ended up reading As You Like It, a bit of Romeo and Juliet, and a little of Hamlet. Didn’t touch the rest of it. I only got into the other stories through trashy ya reimaginings. That said, this retelling of Hamlet inspired me to go read the whole of the original and now I have a lot of fears for these characters that I’m so much more attached to, oh god I hope my Ophelia has a happy ending. I hope Hamlet himself has a happy ending. The dialogue is so well done, everyone is engaging, and yeah it made me finish an old af book when nothing else did. (This one also has an MC with a set gender, female, for the same reason. However, there are two gender variable love interests, so you can very much play a bi or gay Ophelia if you so choose.)

Guenevere: I love King Arthur. All the myths. I have so many books based on the King Arthur mythos, oh dear god. I love pretty much every version of it. All the movie and tv shows too! I just can’t get enough of those knights. I could go on for paragraphs about how courtly love worked and how all the different social castes were, but I’ll try not to. This series lets you customize Guen as a character to an amazing degree, considering that she’s also based on an actual literary figure like the other two I mentioned above. It really feels like she becomes your own character, and yet she still exists within this world very very well. I worry quite a bit that the author might have bit off more than they can chew with the current book they’re working on, what I’ve seen of it looks absolutely massive in scale. What is out so far is a wonderful read though, full of drama and laughter and lots of chances to make the story your own.

Bastard of Camelot: Yep! Another King Arthur series! Sue me! This one lets you set Mordred’s gender though, so it’s more inclusive in that way. It is very interesting to play as one of the “bad guys” of the King Arthur mythos. You can play them as straight up evil, as good, or you know, a bit of column a and a bit of column b. Or they can just be a rude little shit. It’s got dragons too! You get a dragon pet! Dragons are cool. It can be a bit tough to play sometimes, since a lot of people dislike Mordred quite a lot because of prejudices. Hopefully this will change a bit later in the series if you’ve been a fairly good person up to that point. Gotta say though, as a warning, that Mordred is a product of incest. It’s not glossed over, and it does cause a lot of problems for them in the story.

God of the Red Mountain: I just love that this inspired me to read more chinese mythology tbh. There is just so much here! And it’s just such a good read. I wish I was better at describing things. The MC being a spirit that you can define, the whole setting, most of the love interests also being spirits, the massive amount of history and culture and lore, how it all fits together. It is such a well done story. I really wish it got more attention than it does. I still miss Big Sister. I still can’t wait to find out more about the foxes, and how we can heal our MC.

The Nameless: Another one that lets you play as something otherworldly. I love the lore behind this one, and I love all of the cast I’ve met. I kind of like that our MC isn’t loved right off the bat, that we’ll have to win over all of our love interests and even the other npcs. I’m up for the challenge! Everything I’ve read on the tumblr for these characters just makes me love them all more tbh. I love how much they’ve written for all of them! Most of all though, I love Oisein. All the art of them is just *chef kiss* and their personality is magical.

A Mage Reborn: This is a really recent one but!! Wow, it’s really well done! That cliffhanger!! Oof!! Not many books literally start with killing your MC off! That takes guts! I told the author this already, but I love the way they formatted this, the way it starts with the end, so to speak, and then fills it all out. It just made everything feel so poignant, how MC is literally looking back at all these moments in time in the last minutes they have before they die. Shit. That’s powerful. And there’s gonna be more??? Can’t wait for that angst. Give me that drama. Of course I picked the one who had me killed, that’s just how I am!

These are all just the COG type games, there are a few twine games with graphics I’d throw on here, but the list is long enough as it is and they feel like they’re in a different category to me. Maybe it’s just me?

#if #if recs #rivi's recs #interactive fiction #there are more than these that i like too! #these are just the ones i feel the strongest about #and as i said these don't include the itchio twine ones #there are amazing ones there too but that feels like it should be a separate post? #i'd put links but i think it won't show up anywhere if i do #because tumblr is A Site #i can pass them on though if needed

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

The Perfect Bad Boy (Pt. 14 of 18)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 3 K

Summary: Working as a lifeguard in the Hawkins Community Pool, you try to fit in after moving from New York. Things were going pretty well when you notice you've been under someone's stare. Billy Hargrove, Hawkins' bad boy, has been staring at you since day one. You never intended to have anything to do with him, judging by the reputation he has. But Billy won't leave you alone, determined to show you his feelings are different this time...

As if your heart flooding you with confusing feelings wasn't enough, there are weird, strange animals lurking in the woods... But those have to be just part of the wild live of the woods surrounding Hawkins... Right?

<- Previous part (13)

Next part (15) ->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

×

Hunt and Destroy

“Alright... A lot of new words and names...” You mutter, looking at the floor between your feet. It's late now, and Eleven has been talking for over an hour. The story is long and you had to stop her to ask a few questions. More than a few, actually. Everything sounds like a very strange story, the weirdest, something nobody could come up with. To prove it, Eleven turned the TV on with her mind, skipping through the channels before turning it off again. But you didn't need any proof. You know what you saw and it was very, very real. “Upside down, Demodog, Demodorden...”

“Demogorgon. With a G.” Dustin corrects you, smiling. How can he be smiling?

“Demogorgon, ok.” Nodding, you take a deep breath and stand up. “So... What's the plan?” You ask, pacing around the living room.

“Well, we need to gather the whole party for this,” Max says and the others nod.

“I'll talk to my mom and Hopper,” Jonathan speaks out. “We have to do this as soon as possible so... tomorrow.”

“Yeah. Can it be here?” You're not sure if you can make this demand, but right now, being anywhere else after dark is too much. The sunlight is your protection since it's deadly to the... Demo-something. It burns them. They like it cold, said Eleven.

“Sure.” Jonathan answers and you offer him a small smile in return. “Could it be by five? Before the sunset.”

“Yeah. We can sneak out of the pool again.” It shouldn't be a problem, and if Anthony is there, you could pretend to be sick.

“Tomorrow is our day off.” Billy reminds and you take a deep breath, running a hand through your hair. You completely forgot that.

“By the morning them. Maybe we'll get something figured out we can start working on through the rest of the day.” Mike suggests and the whole party agrees. “We should get going though. It's late.” Mike gets up from his spot on the floor.

“Wait.” Mike can't possibly be for real now. “You're not gonna head home now. With those things out there.” They're getting closer to the town, and it means they'll hang around all night. “It's dangerous. You should stay.”

Most of them agree easily, chattering among them. Max seems excited, but Mike exchanges a look with Nancy. “I don't think our mother would let us crash at Billy's place.” She says with an apologetic look.

“Oh.” You know why. Billy told you where he was going to when the Mind Flayer almost got him... Or better saying, who he was going to meet. Mrs. Wheeler. You did felt weird back then, and it sure makes you feel weird now, but whatever he did before, you left it where it belongs. In the past. “Just call and tell her you'll be crashing at my place.”

“Yeah, man. C'mon. Slumber party.” Dustin cheers, smiling, and once again you can't understand why they aren't terrified. Guess they're just used to it. But how can someone get used to monsters lurking around?

“Alright, then.” Mike agrees, making his way to the phone.

“They didn't get it yet,” Billy whispers in your ear.

“They didn't get it.” Repeating, you wrap your arms around his neck. “I'm really trying not to freak out right now.” The words come out of your mouth, rolling out your tongue.

“Let's go to the bedroom so you can rest and we can talk.”

“Ok...”

“Alright. It's done.” Mike comes back with his sister, gesturing at the front door. “Should we get going?”

You and Billy exchange a look. They really didn't get it. “Uhm... So that's it, guys.” You start, taking Billy's hand and pulling him with you. “You can crash either here or Max's room. First to wake up makes breakfast.”

“Wait. You made me lie to my mom?” Mike asks as you move further into the hall.

“(Y/N) is living here.” Max ends the mystery, and you can feel her massive eye roll.

“Holy shit.” You hear Dustin and Steve mumbling as you get inside the room.

Billy lets you shower first, and as you wait for him, you look through his college books. Everything seems very complicated. Your fingers run through one of the pages, taking in the many numbers, but not really reading anything. Your mind is too far away right now. The scene keeps playing back, over and over. The... Demodog, as the kids call it, its face opening up, the guttural noises it made. You wish it was just a nightmare, but everything seems very, very real.

Billy's sudden touch makes you suck in a sharp breath, shaking a little. “Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you.” The feeling is quickly replaced by the usual warmth he makes you feel. Safety and comfort.

“It's ok, I'm just... How is it possible that the kids seem to be so fine with it?” Turning around, you lay your head on his chest as he pulls you close.

“They've been through a lot. They know how to deal with it and you don't have to participate if you don't want to.” Billy touches your face, fingers caressing the soft skin of your jaw. “I'll do anything to keep you safe, you know that right?”

You do. But staying out would not only make you a coward, but it would mean one less person to help them do whatever they're planning to. And, whatever this thing is, it had a part in messing with Billy's life. With Max's life, and all her friends. It's kind of personal. And, if Billy is in danger, you want to be there to make sure you'll do anything to save him. “I want to do it. I just need time to... Process everything.”

“You won't be alone. And I'm not talking only for myself, but for everyone else too.”

“Ok.”

“Now come. You need to get some sleep.” Billy pulls you to the bed, and, instead of laying beside him as usual, you decide to crawl on top of him.

“Am I crushing you?” You ask as you lay your head on his chest, smiling to feel his strong arms around you.

“Haven't you noticed the weight I can lift? You're nothing compared to it.”

Closing your eyes, you feel as he places a kiss on the top of your head. You've never been like that with Billy, literally on top of him, and it's good. Today, more than ever, you need to feel safe. Protected. And he's the only one who makes you feel this way. “I'm so happy we don't have to go to work tomorrow.”

“Me too.”

Pulling yourself up, you move upwards until your face is close to his. “Do you think the kids are talking about us?” Despite your mind being apparently stuck reminiscing the same moment, the terror in your chest, you try to change the subject. Hopefully, it'll keep you from having nightmares tonight.

“I'm sure of it.” As he speaks, a noise of glass shattering reaches us. “Max!” Billy yells at the top of his lungs, startling you. “What the hell!”

“Stop yelling.” You giggle, playfully slapping his shoulder.

“Just a glass, Billy,” Maxine answers from somewhere in the house.

“Better clean this shit up!” He shouts again.

“Shut up!” You whine, lowering yourself on him a little. “Or else I'll have to make you and it won't be nice.”

Billy raises an eyebrow, that usual smirk making its way to his lips. “Oh, and how exactly wouldn't it be nice?”

Yeah, you didn't really give much thought before making the threat. “Okay then.” Smirking, you close the distance between you until your lips are brushing on his before you sit up abruptly, a hand covering his mouth. “See? I told you it wouldn't be nice.” He opens his mouth under your hand, and you feel his teeth biting your skin. “Billy!” You complain, taking your hand away from his mouth. “I can't believe you bit me, you jerk.”

“You got what you deserved.” He suddenly pulls you down, making you lay next to him. “Now, quit playing around and sleep, princess. Tomorrow will be a long day.”

“Kiss me goodnight then. To keep the bad dreams away.” You ask him softly, melting into the slow, warm kiss he gives you.

It doesn't help with the nightmares though. Twice that night you wake up, a breath caught in your throat. You struggle not to let Billy notice, snuggling closer to him.

You're more than happy when morning finally comes. The house is so damn loud, and breakfast in a mess. You like it though, the craziness distracting you from yesterday's events. The rest of the party is here by nine, thanks to the urgency of the matter. And then, after everyone is fed up and the dishes are clean, which took half an hour since nobody wanted to do it, everyone sits in the living room to talk.

And you just can't seem to keep up with it. The boys speak fast, Hopper yells, Joyce tries to calm him down, he argues with Eleven, which is like his daughter, you got that, and then he argues with Mike. Nancy and Jonathan always check with each other before saying something, Steve always finds the flaws on the kids' plans, pointing out the many ways it could go wrong, and Dustin often gets into some kind of argument with him. There are a hundred different ways things could go wrong. A thousand ways you could die. Running a hand through your hair, you hold onto Billy's biceps, laying your head on his shoulder. You're the only one who didn't say anything since the conversation started. There's just nothing you can help them with, you'll just stick up to whatever plan they have.

What they know for sure that these Demodogs are here because some of them must have been left behind in some kind of incubation period until it started growing again.

“So that's it. Hunt and destroy.” Lucas says, nodding to himself.

“Yes. We don't know exactly how much time we have until they start going full Demogorgon, so we should start acting now.” Mike states. “Immediately.”

As if something was lit up, everyone starts moving. “My place in one hour, everyone,” Hopper says and suddenly the crowd disperses, the house once again silent.

You're still in the same place you were, on the couch, legs crossed, eyes on the floor. “Hey. You ok?”

“Yeah.” Taking a deep breath, you stand up. “So. Hopper's place. One hour.” Saying this more to yourself than to him, you get up and pace around the living room. “Should we take the baseball bat?”

“Steve has one far more fun than that. You'll like it.” You can tell Billy is keeping his voice nice and soft, trying not to push you over the edge with everything that's going on. “(Y/N), you don't have to go. You know that, right?”

“I do. But I'm going anyway.” Walking over him, you tiptoe to place a kiss on his lips. “Those kids are so brave. I don't want them to think I'm the weak link.”

“Alright, but we stick together. No exceptions.”

“I agree.” It does make you feel a lot better.

In the next hour, you and Billy shower and get ready. You make sure to wear short jeans and a light shirt so you won't feel too hot. The plan is trying to find the Demodog's nest. This part has to be made during the daylight, to make sure no attacks will happen, so you have no choice but to walk around the woods under the sun. Billy makes sure to shove a lot of water on his backpack, using literally every bottle he found in the house. And Max gathers some snacks for the day.

You reach Hopper's place at the same time Nancy, Jonathan, and Mike does, realizing it's also Joyce's place. The party is gathered in front of the house, a big map of Hawking on the ground. Beside it, a pile of some random stuff that you guess will be the... Weapons you'll use. Just in case.

Hopper is the one to assign everyone a place to start, the area they'll have to cover, and where they'll have to stop. There are lines drawn over the map, and you hope Billy has everything memorized because you don't even know where is where. Then, the groups are separated. Billy of course says he'll take you and Max. And Lucas, much to his dismay, will come along too. When people start taking stuff from the pile, you immediately get what Billy mentioned earlier. There's a baseball bat with nails on the top. Smiling, you take it.

“That's so badass.” You mutter, looking at Billy. “This will be my weapon of choice.”

“Hey. That's mine.” Steve exclaims, reaching out his hand.

“Not anymore, buddy.” You sass at him, swinging the bar and hitting the air.

“But–”

“She's good with the bat, trust me,” Maxine says and you nod. Some people have an interrogation on their faces, and Steve keeps staring at the three of you, as if waiting for further explanation.

“We have an inside joke.” Lowering the bat, you turn to look at Billy.

“Restricted to the Hargrove family,” Billy states, taking one the radios from the pile and starting the make his way to the car. “And Max.”

“But what about me?” You feel a little set aside by his affirmation, wondering what he meant. It's impossible that he's ignoring the fact that you were there that day. “I'm in the joke too.” Whining a little on purpose, you follow him.

“You still only notice half of things.” Billy winks at you as he gets inside the car, and after Max and Lucas get in the back seat, you get in as well. “I know you know what I meant.”

“Maybe I didn't.” Billy has this way with you. You were expecting the first sensations to fade, but they didn't. He still makes you nervous, the butterflies on your stomach doesn't seem to grow immune to him. And part of you is still scared of the things you think he means. You did got what he said, but it's safer to just pretend you didn't, right?

The short drive is filled with chattering. The kind of chattering you didn't want to hear since it's all about the Demothings. You stop by the woods, and Max and Lucas will be the ones responsible for the map since they have a compass.

And so the ‘hunting’ starts. You're glad it's not a real hunt though. You remember when you invited Billy for a trail with your friends, but walking through the woods feels different now. Before, you had only the normal wild animals to worry about, not some monsters that came out of the gates of hell. But you try to keep in mind that the sunlight means protection, so you'll safe. For now.

“Billy, can you make sure we'll have enough daylight to make the way back to the car?” You ask him, putting your hair up on a ponytail.

“I will, don't worry.” He moves closer, taking your hand in his. “We'll be ok. Just focus on trying to find anything unusual in the woods.”

“Sure.”

Billy doesn't let go of your hand until you stop to eat something. Lucas and Max start arguing a lot when you resume your walking, complaining about the directions. Billy is clearly pissed, not very fond of the idea of his little sister dating. It's cute the way he keeps staring at the young couple, paying attention to whatever they're saying. You wonder if Billy ever thought about having kids.

Wait. What the hell? Step back, you tell yourself. Too soon for that.

At some point, a fresh breeze starts blowing, and you couldn't be more thankful for it. Letting your hair down, you run a hand through it out of nervousness.

“I'm telling you, we have to go West now,” Lucas says.

“Yes. First West then North.” Maxine takes the map from his hands, taking a look at it. “It's obvious if you think about it. Just look. Try using your head for a moment.”

“Are you calling me dumb?”

“Yes!”

“Alright, both of you.” Billy intervenes, his voice with a tiny hint of anger. “Will you two make a goddman decision or will I have to?”

This will be interesting. Billy and you have been walking a couple of feet behind them, so as he moves ahead, you stand there, crossing your arms. The breeze brings a soft sound, that looks like the sound the pools make when it's windy. Following it, you spot water, only about ten feet away. Leaving the guys behind to their fights, you make your way there, making sure there are no big trees hiding you from their sight. When you get there, you bend down, putting one hand on the freshwater.

“(Y/N)!” It's Billy's usual yell, the one he always uses to scare the shit out of you. “Do you want to give me a heart attack?” When you turn around to look at him, he's already close by, Maxine and Lucas coming right after.

“Sorry, but I found this lake.”

“Lover's lake,” Max says, sitting down on a rock, eyes on the map.

“Lover's lake?” You repeat, crossing your arms and looking at Billy. “Why haven't you ever brought me here?” By the name, you think it would be a nice romantic date. And you remember by what you saw on the map, the lake is shaped like a heart, the reason for the name.

“Oh, you're new here. Sometimes it slips my mind.” He puts he bag down, safely away from where the small ripples reach. “People usually come here to... You know. So I thought that if I brought you and then you found out what really happens here you'd come to the wrong conclusion about my feelings for you.”

That's a very good explanation. And it makes you feel... Special. Different. “Thank you, then. For... Having this in mind.” As you speak, you take off your white shoes, all dusted by now.

“What are you doing?” He asks, an eyebrow raised when you look up at him, using his arm for balance to take off the other shoe.

“I'm using the Lover's Lake to something else than making out.” You start walking backwards, into the water.

“Whoa, look at what (Y/N)'s doing,” Lucas says, and you give them a glance. Max giggles, putting the map down.

“Try to drown Billy, would you?”

“I'll do my best.” When you stare back at Billy, he's already in the water.

You move back until your feet stop touching the bottom, so you start swimming further away. The freshwater is a blessing, washing the hot day from your skin. For a moment, you decide to leave the worries behind, just for a couple of minutes. Billy is quick to reach you, and you're suddenly aware of the kids staring. “We have an audience, keep that in mind.” You tell him when he pulls you close, strong arms encircling your waist.

“Were you ever kissed underwater?”

“No.” Your smirk matches his as you take a deep breath and push yourself down.

The kiss is a mess. You have to focus on holding your breath through the process, what makes you laugh, throwing bubbles on Billy's face. You manage to reach the bottom, your back hitting the rocks as Billy floats on top of you. But eventually, the oxygen you were saving is over, so you push him away and swim back up, laughing when you reach the surface.

“What a chaos.” You burst out when he comes back up as well. “We suck at underwater kisses.”

“I think I swallowed some water,” Billy says, coughing a little.

It only makes you laugh harder, removing the hair glued to your face. Swimming closer to him, you wrap your arms around his neck.

“Hey! Mr. and Mrs. Hargrove! Let's get moving!” Lucas shouts, making you roll your eyes.

You burst into laugh again when Billy flings you over his back, carrying you back to land.

And the walking restarts, with Max and Lucas constantly arguing and Billy trying to make them stop. The good thing is that it distracts you. And the bad part is that it distracts you from searching around for any signs of a Demothing nest. Your eyes scan through the woods, among the trees, looking for–.

“Holy shit!” Lucas exclaims and then he jolts away, running, followed by Max. You and Billy exchange a look before rushing after them.

Before you can ask what was that, you see it. A huge hole on the solid ground. It would fit a car in it. The thing goes down, in a slope, and then it keeps going until it makes a turn left. It's clear it doesn't belong to any kind of wild animal. It's not natural. A low, guttural low snarl reaches your ears, and you involuntary gives step back.

“Call them. Them then we found it.” Lucas says, taking a pencil and making a mark on the map.

The moment Max takes the small radio, you hear static. “Everyone listen up.” Steve says, more voices talking behind him. “We found it. A freaking hole in the ground. It has to be–”

“That's it.” Eleven's voice cuts him off. “We found it too.”

It was supposed to be just one.

“What?” Steve asks.

“Head back now. Everyone.” Hopper says and Max turns the radio off.

This is far worse than you thought.

×

@chloe-skywalker @dpaccione @dreamin-of-dacre @funeral-7 @uncookspaget @youhavemyfantasticbeasts @halloweenbitch2764 @redlovett @multific @shinydixon @nikkixostan @clockworkballerina @nope-thanks

#imagine billy hargrove #billy hargove x reader #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove x y/n #billy hargrove imagine #billy stranger things #stranger things imagine #imagine stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #dacre montgomery x reader #dacre montgomery imagine

[yvynyl]

// Letters to YVYNYL //

Kennedy Shaw "Heaven"

/ Sometimes I get letters from right here in my hometown. Kennedy sent this one over and I think it perfectly encapsulates the feeling a lot of my readers are going through. Those of you who are struggling to make their music despite all odds, to make a life of music, to grasp on to the love they get from putting it out there. We are all in this together, our weirdo crew of misfits and hooligans who'd rather make a song that rips out our hearts and lay it out on the table for all to hear than just 'be normal.' We hear you. We hear you. Keep it going, friends.

Hi Mark,

When I think of music, I think of my grandmother singing me a song titled "don't fence me in." There's a home video of us singing it somewhere. Music to me feels no separate from myself. My mom used to listen to Tori Amos when she was pregnant with me and always told me that's why I started playing piano the minute I could.

My name is Kennedy, I'm a 21-year-old songwriter in Philly - or was in Philly - until a global pandemic interrupted my second year of college.

I'm only 21, but as far as coffeehouse music goes, I've probably seen it all. My parents used to take me to perform once or twice every weekend. They critiqued every show and were extremely supportive of how loud and passionate I was. Because of this, I know every jam band and bluegrass cover group that plays in the bookstores of the East Coast. I know which ones have AC and which ones make you pay for a meal after you perform. I have the stories of men telling me I'm "mature for my age" and taking photos of my 14-year-old legs while at the piano bench.

After I went to University, I knew a lot about basement scenes, too. I got too drunk while performing a few times, I kissed audience members during the choruses and band members during the verses. I drove off in the wrong uber twice. When the residence hall elevators shut down, I carried the keyboard, amp, stands, and book bag down 9 flights of stairs, and carried them back up at 2 or 3 AM less tired than before.

During this pandemic, and being back home in NJ, I've been asking myself why I continue pursuing music as a career, even though I never feel entirely validated or see financial gain from it. If anything actually, I see loss.

I switched my major from Music to English just before the pandemic broke in the U.S. I decided it was time to focus on a 'real career'. Then, I listened to some rough mixes of mine and decided to use all of my savings, every penny, to buy recording equipment and finish my EP in my bedroom. Clearly, I don't have any answers on why, or what's logical, or what's smart. I'm literally a crazy 21-year old girl-woman doing vocal takes in my parent's shower when they let me and finding the personal information of music bloggers and emailing demos to small labels like I'm their musical messiah. I've never filmed anything for anyone, and yet I've been dressing in vintage clothes and setting up "sets" (a bedsheet usually, chair, flowers) and recording them on my iPhone.

Even when I want to move on, the feeling of working on my music creatively is something so close to my core I don't think I can ever stop. Not because I think my music is worth listening to, or even good, I just can't stop making it. When I think of music I think of waking up from a dream and jotting down words. My dad saying to 'turn it down,' and then 'close your door'. I think of every love I had in high school giving me mixtapes, my best friend passing out on the train ride home with my amp in their lap. I think of watching strangers cry while I sing to them, basements of sweaty chances moshing, and my bandmates cans of beer. Every car ride with my parents I took for granted then, oblivious to the cost of gas and how many hours it took to get to the record shop where one person listened to half my set. I think of my younger sister listening to music to avoid new driver anxiety, and I think of my grandmother singing me songs, telling me to sing my own.  I think of pausing the youtube tutorial, running from the desktop and to the piano upstairs. I'd make this hike a million times a night but never felt tired, and when I think of these things I don't have to wonder why. 

Music is by far not the smartest choice as far as a career- maybe if I was smart I'd choose doctor, or scientist, or engineer, but feeling "smart" doesn't feel half as good as these memories music has given to me. "Heaven" is the first song I finished when I decided to work on rough mixes I had in my back pocket. It sounds haunting and compares heaven to a first love- the romanticization of first relationships is something that still pulls me in lyrically. I wrote it on bass, alone in my dorm room, probably crying. I hope you like it.

- Kennedy

…

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#Kennedy Shaw #Letters to YVYNYL #Philadelphia #songwriter #music #mixtapes #family #love #New Jersey #indie music

[taecalikook]

What we are not; Soulmates (chapter 1)

summary: you love yoongi with all your heart throughout these five years being in a relationship with him. you always thought he is the one — your one, even when the infamous soulmate signs are still not showing. yet you always wait, because you know it’s him you are destined to be with, forever. but what would happen if then his childhood best friend comes along, with the universe-signed telltales that you have been looking for true love in all the wrong places?

{soulmate!au, established relationship!au}

pairing: min yoongi x female reader x kim taehyung

genre: fluff, angst, emotional hurt and slow burn(?) i guess lol

chapter : prologue | chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | epilogue

word counts : 9.038

=================

Five years.

Tomorrow will mark the five years you have been together with Yoongi. You met him when you were performing at your ballet recital six years ago, when you were still a hopeful ballerina student. He is mixing the music—with the reference from Hoseok, your dancer friend. Hoseok always used Yoongi’s remixes for his dancing routines and you always loved them, so you show interest in working with the infamous producer even if your ballet is 180 degree contrasts from Hoseok’s street dance mixes. Gladfully, at that time Yoongi agreed to the job (you can’t deny that Hoseok really did pull a few strings to convince him to take such a never-done-before job). 

Few nights spent together to practice and mix to perfect the routines bloomed into something more. You liked him—obviously with the way you always expressed how much you care for him and his well-being, but Yoongi was just.. being Yoongi. You found several times that Yoongi might reciprocate how you felt about him—about his careful touches and how much he minded your health—but you figured he could act the same with other people too. It was confusing and heartbreaking simultaneously. 

And to mention that if it were not for Hoseok, Yoongi probably will never say to you what you actually mean to him. After several abhorring mutual pining and an over-the-top recital, you were already accepting your fate that he might not be the one for you. But when Yoongi shows up in front of your apartment with your favorite purple tulips—a bucket of them and an embarrassed smile, you know you are sold. For him.

It has been quite a journey, all the ups and downs with the most unromantic person ever to breathe on this planet. Well, that's over exaggerating but at least the point is taken, right? Yoongi is emotionally constipated, that’s one efficient way of explaining it. He is truly the kind of boyfriend who will pat your head like a freaking puppy and calls it affection. Yoongi also spends most of his time in the studio, making music and beautiful lyrics, and you love how in love he is about his music—especially when his passion is the one introducing you to him—but you cannot lie that you wish that he would pay more attention to you too. 

But now you are getting restless. Where are the signs?

Yoongi is the one for you, your heart just knows it. He speaks love, and his gentleness and understanding are immeasurable. He takes care of you the best, like no one ever does, even better than your parents. But how come the signs that he is rightfully your soulmate are not showing?

Ah, soulmate. There are a lot of stories about them. Some may find them on the train home from work. Some may find them while ordering coffee in the cafe near university. Some may take a little more time, one day touching with their best friend and feel the electricity, and there will be signs of a matching soulmate. You just hope it is the latter, yet the restlessness grows with an immaculate speed inside your mind. It’s already five years of you in a commitment relationship with Yoongi and nothing, not even a single clue shown. Whenever the restlessness strikes your pessimistic mind, you quickly take a breath and remind yourself that it should not affect your relationship with him. The right time will come.

“Baby, don’t forget I already booked a restaurant for tomorrow.” You warnfully remind him while putting all your ballet belongings into a duffel bag, gifted by Yoongi for your birthday two years ago. “I will never forgive you if you forget tomorrow.”

Yoongi’s light chuckle is heard on the other side of the call, unknowingly putting a gentle smile on your lips. You could not really imagine how Yoongi can cope up with your fretful ass, but otherwise you are glad he is here to stay. “Y/N, you already remind me for the third time today. Yes, of course I will come.”

“I just don’t want you bailing on me after I’m waiting for you at the restaurant. I am not letting our one year anniversary happen again.” You pouted, a flash of four years ago went inside your mind. A day prior to your one year anniversary, Yoongi spent the full night finishing his demo and overslept the whole day of your anniversary while you still idiotically believed that he was planning for a surprise. What a doofus, you thought bitterly. You would rather kill yourself than to let that happen again—or let Yoongi take the lead to plan your anniversaries.

“Of course… sweetheart.” Yoongi hesitatingly calls you pet name after a long pause, and a sly grin subtly forms on your lips. He is so cute when he is trying to be romantic. “I swear to the seven seas I will come to our anniversary dinner. As a matter of fact, I will be there with a nice shirt too. Would you like that?”

You hum your agreement, content with his thoughtful answer. Yoongi realizes how much these events meant to you—and his thoughts warmed all your being. After a short halt, you unknowingly speak your deepest fear, one topic that you both have been avoiding since forever. “I hope tomorrow the signs will come.” The words you let out brings a whole dense pause on his side—like it aggressively bothers him until he sighed into the communicator. “Don’t put pressure on it, Y/N.”

“I am just hoping. There is no fault in a mere hope.” You frown, disliking the accusing tone of his words. Yoongi answers with another silence, and you do not want to hear any insufficient answer to him regarding the topic, hence you just mutter a simple goodbye and end the call. And since Yoongi is not really the type to dwell on the possibility of you being mad at him, you sure he must be handling all these concerns well. It must be easy for him to disregard the fact that the soulmates signs are not showing for the both of you and it angers you. A lot.

A tear inevitably escapes your eye, but you quickly swipe it and run to your car, heading to the ballet school, or your workplace.

*

You stand in front of your mirror at your cubicle, patting foundation on your pale skin. After teaching the beginner ballet class for your young students, it was only one and a half hours to prepare your anniversary dinner with Yoongi. Inside your heart, you are greatly looking forward to it—especially after Yoongi heed more attention to you and messaged his apologies for the insensitive answers during the call and told you he loved you. He is surely better at typing it than telling it to your face directly, you think giddily and happily continue your makeup routine.

Just remembering his sweet message brings all kinds of butterflies in your stomach. You swore that he’d be the death of you—all these acts are causing you bad that you are not thinking straight. Yoongi is the type to leave you speechless in whatever he does, even the small ones. And this major pessimistic side of you does bring some good in your relationship, you appreciate every little thing he does. You are deeply in love with him, even after all these long five years. They always say love will turn sour if you are not having it with your soulmate, but you find yourself falling in love deeper everyday and there is no doubt in your heart that he must be the one. Your one.

“Hey, lovebird.” You snap your heads up, meeting the playful grin from your fellow ballet teacher named Mina. She greasily winks and you chuckle, shaking your head and looking back into the mirror on the mahony table. “Are you going on a date with Yoongi tonight?”

“Yes. This is our five year anniversary today.” You hum with great pride. Your relationship with Yoongi is probably one thing you can ever be happy and be proud of. Your lackluster life is most definitely not one of them “We are having our anniversary dinner and I wish it would be enjoyable.”

“Of course it would be amazing. And mind blowing as well, you get me?” She wriggles her eyebrows, and you bitterly chagrin, silently crossing your fingers for it is not to be an innuendo. “I hope you have a pleasant night, babe. Don’t tire yourself too much, m’kay? You have classes tomorrow and I do not want to take your shift.” 

You roll your eyes, but could not hide the blush shaping on your cheek. But you would be lying to tell that you did not expect that to happen. You even wear your best matching lacy panties and bra—just in case. But above anything, you just wish it would truly be an enjoyable dinner with Yoongi. You never knew your luck when it comes to him that it is even hard to believe that this could actually be happening.

“By the way, see this!”

You head up from gazing far into your table to Mina’s vibrant expression. She points to a purplish bruise engraved on the side of her arm. You first thought it was because she hurt herself for the nth time already, but then you notice how it shapes differently from the usual bruise. You gasps loudly, jumping on your spot in complete delight. “You met your soulmate, Mina?!”

“Yes!” She shouts animatedly, a tear substantially forms on her eyes. You clasp her fingers inside your arm, cannot wait for the continuation of the cute story. “I met him yesterday when I was drinking with my friends. I was drunk—oh God, how can I be that drunk is beyond me—and this man sitting on the bar held my arm to stop me from falling. And then I literally sobered up! I felt it—the electricity of him touching me. Then I just knew it.” She cries again, her lips quivering from the euphoria of the event. You swiftly jump into her welcoming arms, holding her close to you in a blissful happiness.

“I am really, really happy for you, Mina. You can’t even believe it.” You whispered to her, your heart beating fast. You can’t even believe how much Mina deserves to meet her soulmate. It has always been hard for her, all the things that have been going on but she always strengthens herself and endures all the pain altogether. You are eternally thankful that your best friend finally met the one—the one would gladfully and rightfully share her happiness, concerns and problems so she does not have to face everything alone.

“Thank you.” She mutters lightly, giving you a light squeeze before letting you go. “We just know Yoongi is the one, huh babe? The signs will come, I just knew it with you and him.”

You put a grim smile, the one you can let out when Mina brought up a topic that has been bothering your mind a lot. It’s not like you to feel envious of her on anything—you are a keen believer of everyone on their own lane and comparison is toxic to its core—but you somehow feel frustrated. You wish that everything would be easier on you and Yoongi but that is most absolutely not the case. You just have to be patient, you calm yourself, trying to get your scattered thoughts together.

“I hope it will.”

*

You are seated in your car, your fingers resting on the wheel. The extravagant restaurant in which you will celebrate the anniversary is not that far from your workplace, but somehow you find the streets are two times more packed than usual. Based on the maps, it turns out there was an accident on the road ahead of you. The people on the cars are already evacuated, but the cars are still pulled with docks, hence the congestion. The accident must be new, you think to yourself and while not paying much attention.

Shrugging it completely from your mind, you turn your car to find an alternative way. Your fingers turned into the phone on your grasp, finding that there are no new notifications yet. Yoongi has not replied to your reminder messages for the dinner, and it burdens your mind a lot. It can’t be, right? You know Yoongi’s car like the back of your head and based on the news you read, it was not it. He is probably on the way, you internally reason yourself to calm the intrusive thoughts—which ironically is your specialties.

But then another twenty minutes passed and Yoongi still has not replied. You are still inside your car in the restaurant parking lot, deciding not to step inside and embarrass yourself if anything comes his way and he decided not to come. It would be infuriating and sadly, possible.You groan, everything sucks and you hate your boyfriend now.

You decided to call him again. Exactly four beeps and the voice you waited the most is heard. “H.. hello?”

“Yoongi! Yoongi, where are you?! I am already here at the restaurant and you did not reply my messages and I—“

“Y/N— I am terribly sorry. I am sorry for everything but I can’t come to you right now. I’m sorry.”

And then he shut the call.

And then you throw your phone, tears substantially forming on your eyes.

*

You are a zombie. 80% of your time you are spacing out, the 10% you are crying and the rest are you trying to suck it all up and do something but still fail miserably. It sucks how much these things—or rather Yoongi, affects you. You do not want to feel this way for him, he was such an ignorant jerk and you are feeling ten times worse than you should be, since he does not explain a single thing to you, even a reason for his absence the night before and did not bother to even clarify for a whole day. You know you deserve better treatment from a boyfriend, but you still cannot help how much you still hope he will do something about his mistakes. What a fool, you absentmindedly think to yourself, the pain is too unbearable to hold yourself.

After completing your whole days in the ballet school, it was already 10PM. You should not stay this late, but your mind bothers you too much and to be left alone would only wallow you into sadness and it’s the last thing you want. You actually thought of calling him to ask about everything—what are you to him exactly, but your pride won’t let you. You should not be that easy for a fact that he broke his promise without any notable reason. He is so selfish, and doesn't give any single shit about you. You should have known better.

Mina nonchalantly asked about the failed anniversary dinner last night, and the moment she questioned, you quickly burst into tears and stuttered words about how Yoongi abandoned the dinner for no exact reason. She held you close, trying to calm you and skillfully brought a smile to your face while lightly mocking your idiotic boyfriend. She even promised to keep you company tonight—after finishing her mother errands you both are going to the nearest bar and get drunk to the point of no return.

You just finish your warm shower, feeling completely refreshed from any kind of physical fatigue. Your ear perks up when hearing a rustling sound from the front door. Your mind turns cautious, as you remembered Mr and Mrs. Bong, the caretaker of the building already said their goodbyes a few hours before. There must be someone at the door.

But you know there should not be anything to be wary about. The neighborhood is the safest area in the city, for God knows it could be Mina, ready to take you into a whole night you’d regret in the morning. The thoughts instantly calm you, as you shuffle to open the door.

“Hey y—mmmph!”

Well, hell be damned because the person standing in front of you, taking you ransom and holding your lips close to his own is your boyfriend. Yoongi hoisted you up to his arms, your legs circling his waist to prevent yourself from falling down. The kisses are ferocious and his lips are cold, but it still sends butterflies to your stomach like you never felt before. But the memories quickly evades your mind that this man just fucking ghosted you on the night of your fifth anniversary, so you use all the strength left inside you to push him away, quickly jumping off him before everything is too late and you are back to forgiving without any further claims on his fault. You are not that easy—and the thought of taking this lightly disturbs your whole being.

“Stop, Yoongi! You don’t deserve to do all this when you just ignored me after promising the whole night of our anniversary together.” You shout directly to his face and try to be as curt as you can force, but your voice is breaking and the tears are already pooled on the corner of your eyes, threatening to fall out. You are crushed inside a tidal wave of emotion, your chest heaving irregularly from the thing that just transpired. The anger quickly turns into sadness and you try to manage your own breath or it will soon hurt you.

“Baby, I’m so sorry…” Yoongi unexpectedly bursts literal tears, and it stops the anger and frustrations bubbling up on your throat. “I know I don’t deserve you. You are the best girlfriend I—no, everyone could ever ask for. I love you so much and I never felt so irresponsible to ignore you like I did last night.”

You are waiting for him to continue, sensing the edge to his sentences. The tears were completely a show stopper for all your excessive emotions. 

“Taehyung—he.. he got into a car crash and had to undergo surgeries.”

Yoongi sweeps the tears away with the back sleeve of his hand. “At that time, I was on my way to the restaurant. But—but when I received the news, I was so panicked I immediately went to the hospital. When you called, I was out of my mind, and I knew I did not say what I should have said.” He whispered lowly, eyes locked on the floor like he is a kid under a punishment. You wait for him to continue.

“After arriving at the hospital, his father ordered me to stay while he was undergoing surgery. It was a literal hell, Mr. Kim was super furious at me at his son's accident and asked me to take responsibility until the surgeries were completed. And I was going to let you know, I really was but I literally do not know where or when I lost my phone. I-i should’ve let you know sooner. It was my fault, but you have to know that his father won’t let me do anything and I came s-straight after—“

By his last sentences, Yoongi is already stuttering and trembling. You could sense how much he despises himself, and it hurts you that he has to blame himself for whatever happened. You hold him inside your arms, your arms tightly secure around his waist.  Yoongi shuts himself, quickly shambles into louder tears he has been trying to suppress as he reciprocates your calming hug. You understand him—you understand his reasons and you trust him with all your heart. 

You’ve heard about Mr. Kim and Taehyung previously from Yoongi, even rarely hear about them recently. Mr. Kim is Yoongi’s adoptive parents. Yoongi’s birth parents died in a plane crash when he was a kid—he was only nine by then. By law, his custody is transferred to his uncle—the evil side of the family that is on a bad term with his parents. He was treated inhumanely. Yoongi won’t go into details but you could feel how much he hated it there, all the abusive and discrimination he had to face at such early age. After suffering a severe punishment for not obeying his uncle's order, he ran away from the house slash hell. On his way to nowhere, he saw a kid, crying and lost in the park. A boy named Kim Taehyung.

Seoul, South Korea

18 years ago.

“Hi, who are you? Why are you crying?” Yoongi walked closer to a little kid—probably a few years younger than him—sniffling with his reddened nose. His little arms were cradling a small brown teddy bear, eyes full of tears but still showing wariness over the stranger—which was Yoongi. The boy took a step back, and Yoongi stopped in his place so the boy would not run away.

“I—I’m not supposed to talk to a stranger, father said..” he whispered in fear and hesitation, but Yoongi shrugged and instead smiled, holding out his hand. “Hi, I am Yoongi, 10 years old. There, we’re no longer strangers. Who are you? And why are you here alone?”

Listening to the witty answer by Yoongi, the boy quickly showed a wide smile, showing a tad cute boxy smile. “I’m Taehyung, 7 years old. I don’t know where my nannies are. We went out, and it’s a secret—but I don’t really like them, so I ran away and now I can’t go back home.” He silently muttered with a deep frown and slumped shoulders and Yoongi held his shoulder, forcing the boy called Taehyung to look back at him.

“Hey, running away from someone who cares for you is not good. You shouldn’t do it. Your parents could be worried sick for you.” Yoongi warned with a friendly gesture. Taehyung folded his hands in front of his chest, his lips jutted in childish anger.

“But they never cared for me. They only care about my father’s order.” 

Yoongi smiled knowingly, holding his hand out to Taehyung. “Don’t worry, we will find them and then you can be angry. Okay?” Yoongi knew his words were not comforting even the slightest, but he was glad that Taehyung complied with a smile. He wouldn’t know what to do if Taehyung threw a fit or refused to come with.

“Let’s go find your nannies.” Yoongi pulled Taehyung by the hand, his eyes looking for people that must be trying to find the boy on his grasp right now.

Then across the street, Yoongi noticed several men and women calling the boy’s name—who Taehyung then pointed at as his nanny and guards. After safely confirming that they are indeed the correct ones, he wanted to walk away, but the adults stopped him and asked him to come with them. Yoongi was not sure, but the idea sparked Taehyung’s mind as he ran from his nannies grasp, cried loudly and refused to be separated from Yoongi. “You have to come! I don’t want to go if you are here. Come one, Yoongi hyung!”

Yoongi was going to reject his advances, but one of the aged nannies that looked incredibly pale and tired after running far only to find the boy hiding inside a park pleaded with him to come with. The adults kindly asked him to follow them, so Yoongi obliged. It was rare for him to find how respectful someone could be to a ten years old, so Yoongi felt like it was a good choice to obey. He trusted Taehyung and his nannies and guards.

Arriving in a luxurious car at a monstrous large house, Yoongi concluded that Taehyung’s family was loaded—like crazy loaded. Taehyung was quickly taken to the back by his nannies, while Yoongi was asked to wait for Taehyung’s father who wanted to meet him. Before Taehyung took a bath, he ran to Yoongi's side in a rushed expression. “Hyung, you have to be there when I finish, okay?”

Taehyung’s hopeful gaze resulted in a quiet comforting hum from Yoongi. While waiting, he finds a few facts from Mrs. Yoon—the aged nanny from before—that Taehyung’s mother died when birthing him, and how Taehyung had an issue with making friends. To his courtesy, all the people in his class were idiots and snobby, and he never got along with even one of them. To be honest, Yoongi could understand the younger boy by heart. He himself did not get along with most of his classmates. Other than that, Taehyung also did not like his nannies, always refusing to play or even talk to them. He was severely lonely—to the point of making his own imaginary friends. Yoongi thought it was understandable, but Taehyung was seven years old then. That concerned his father a lot. 

The stories from Mrs. Yoon went to a halt when his father arrived, asking him for a private meeting for only the two of them. Seated on a comfortable spinning chair in the wide room filled with bookshelves, the man throwed a few questions about his life. But Yoongi did notice that the old man did a background check on him beforehand. Mr. Kim knew about his family situation, his parents' accident, his uncle's family, where he went to school, etc. That’s exactly when the old man popped a question Yoongi could never guess.

“Do you want to live here? With Taehyung?”

By then, everyone knew that the man expected something from him. There’s no such thing as free living, but then Yoongi really does not know where he should go, how he is going to continue his life. He does not have a roof over his head, and after his extensive research using a computer at school, he would be deported to some child protection agency or worse, back to his uncle's house. Just thinking about it sent him shudders, so he nodded hesitantly as an approval. The father showed a small grin, satisfied with Yoongi’s easy compliance.

It’s in Yoongi’s understanding that he owes everything—even his life to the Kim family. And he is also well aware that in Mr.Kim’s eyes, he was just another, same-aged nanny to his precious son, someone who seven year old Taehyung could actually listen to—even until now. You heard how Yoongi was basically Taehyung’s nanny, so whenever it seemed like Taehyung did not meet his father's expectations or wants, the man would first contact Yoongi for clarity or some good scolding. It worsened when Taehyung grew up, the old man was angry at Yoongi several times when Taehyung failed his exam, escaped from home to attend his friend parties—or basically doing what most teenage boys would do. Yoongi would cover for him, taking the blame instead, but still Yoongi never hated Taehyung. He never could. Taehyung is his dearest, precious brother that he would trade everything for.

Everything actually got better for Yoongi when Taehyung and his father had to move to America after the family company advanced and growed like a wildfire. Taehyung was twenty, Yoongi was twenty three by then and already found his interest to be a music producer. His father took Taehyung to study business in America, along with him—already aligning him for the highway inside the company, in which he would take over after his father positions someday. But Yoongi said to you, with sparkling proud eyes—how talented his brother was at business and how proud he was of him. 

After they left, Yoongi was devastated that he had to be seperated from Taehyung, but do realize the positive side no longer held in charge of the younger boy by his father. And in the exact same year, he met a hopeful ballerina offering a music editing job—you. He is not complaining at all.

“He finished his studies and just graduated, so he decided to come back to Seoul to study the company branch here.” Yoongi mutters while you hold him close, your finger draws circular motion on his back. Both of you are now seated still on the sofa of your workplace. “The only reason his father lets him go back to Seoul on his own is he knows Taehyung would then be under my watch.”

You hissed, gritting your teeth at the thought of a freaking twenty five years old man needing to be watched. You can’t even think how Yoongi—or even Taehyung felt about this. Super typical of those rich men to be acting that way, and just listening to the stories make you feel sick. “You can imagine how furious he was when Taehyung had the accident, Y/N. He literally created a video conferencing room in the hospital to even scold me, asking for an update every hour for Taehyung’s surgery.”

“I know and I felt sorry for you.” You mutter as you feel Yoongi’s head leaning on your shoulder. He must be excessively tired by now, you figure so you rest your palm on his supple cheek, caressing them lightly and affectionately. “I’m sorry that I overthink everything. You know—”

Yoongi cuts you with a sudden kiss, his arms sneaking on your sides, unto your back while pushing you to rest on the sofa. His lips are warm and welcoming, and most importantly, feels as familiar as ever. The kiss doesn’t feel rushed, just perfect to send how he wished to just kiss you and forget about everything. It sends rushes in your vein, your heartbeat hastens and your mind blank in nerves. “I don’t say this much, but I am truly, truly in love with you, Y/N. Happy fifth anniversary, baby.”

The tears lounging on the corner of your eyes are out, streaming on the side of your cheek, but Yoongi swept them away with a kiss, peppering them all over your face. You chuckle, pushing him away jokingly but then he held your hand to your side, leaning his forehead on yours with a deep stare. “Say it back, Y/N. You need to say it back.”

You wanted your usual witty answer for his pleading, but you find yourself lost in his eyes and seriousness in his words, then it’s done. You are irrevocably sold for him. “I will always love you, silly. You know it. Happy fifth anniversary...”

You are about to smother him with kisses again, when a cough was heard from the door. A sly looking Mina stands by her spot, grinning to both you and your boyfriend’s position which is not very compromising to the unknowing eyes. Yoongi quickly shifts himself to a sitting position, face and ears turning red from being caught by his girlfriend’s best friend. You shot Mina a dirty look of annoyance for her unwanted interruption, folding your hand on your chest.

“Sorry to interrupt love birds, but Y/N! I figured our night out is cancelled, right?” Mina wiggles her eyebrows and Yoongi reverts his questioning gaze to you. You turn red from thinking about the silly reason for your supposed night out with Mina, in which you are damned if Yoongi ever gets his hand on it. “Should have known you’d ditch me the second Yoongi is here. But seriously guys, I don’t care if you fucking, but you need to close the door. And please don’t ever do it on our sofa. It’s fucking disgusting.”

“Mina, get out!” You hiss in embarrassment, and Mina quickly holds her hand in surrender, sends her goodbye and escapes from the place—or your incoming wrath. After hearing a soft thud signaling Mina’s exit, Yoongi then pulls you close to his arms, his lips attached on your temple in butterfly kisses. 

“I’ll kill her tomorrow, I swear to God—“

Yoongi’s chuckle vibrates on your skin. “Hey, it was actually good that Mina was here. Or else I would ravish you right on this sofa and you would never see your workplace the same again.” Yoongi’s kisses travel south to your neck in a teasing manner. “Like I do with my studio.” Yoongi slyly whispers and your breath hitched, a wince of realization shown on your head. You fucked a lot, like a lot in Yoongi’s studio, and it is not a secret that Yoongi would pop a sudden boner just thinking about the dirty things you both did on nights staying in the studio. That’s why you and him create forbids-sex-on-workplace as a policy, but the truth to be told, it is not complied well.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence and enjoying each other’s presence, Yoongi lets you go. You frowned, not wanting to be separated from his addictive warmth. “You can go home now, Y/N. It’s getting late. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Where are you going? You can stay on mine for tonight.” Your frown deepens, not liking the idea of sleeping alone for tonight. Your roommate is staying out of the city, and you just reconciled with Yoongi. You do not want to be left alone, you just want to be with him. 

“I have to go back to the hospital. Mr. Kim has already been blowing up this replacement phone he gave me.” He tiredly chuckles, checking the vibrating phone from his pocket. You glance at the name appearing on his phone screen and sigh, not liking how Yoongi would have to deal with that old hag again for the night. “I swear I’ll see you tomorrow, I promise.” You grimly nod, Yoongi’s slender finger holding either side of your face, pushing forward to kiss your temple once again.

“Or you can visit Taehyung, too! It would be great to finally meet the man that I am babysitting, right?” He let out satire jokes, and you chuckle and shake your head in amusement. He envelops you close inside his arms, and you could feel how tired Yoongi is and how bad he wishes to never let you go. It warms your heart that you could always feel his love not only by his words. For Yoongi, his loving gesture definitely speaks louder than any words he says.

“I’m serious, Y/N. I want you to finally meet him.” He whispered with seriousness to your ear, even with the lips attached to the side of your neck, nibbling in a playful manner.

 “I want the most important woman in my life to meet the most important man in my life. It would be a dream of mine.”

You hum an agreement. “Hoseok will be sad to hear that.” You tease him, once again pressing a deep kiss on his supple, delicious lips. Both of you let go with a deep sigh of contentment. “Okay, baby. I’ll see you tomorrow in the hospital.” 

Oh, how naive you are, just nonchalant to how vicious the universe would play on you for agreeing to the love of your life’s most sincere wish.

*

You stood in front of the extravagant private hospital in which Yoongi mentions Taehyung is in, with a bucket of blue lilies on your grasp. The morning went well—weirdly. It seems like everything aligns better than they have ever been. The usual congested road is clear, the weather is extraordinair and you wake up exactly before your alarm that really sets your mood right. You have no scheduled class to teach today, only a scheduled 3PM brainstorming session with Mina for the upcoming recital for your students. You are going to spend a few hours there to finally meet the man you heard so much about. Something unknowingly flutters inside your heart, and you don’t have a clear idea of why. You just conclude it as an excitement to finally meet a dearest friend of Yoongi.

You called Yoongi, mentioning your arrival and he asked you to come to the reception and mention your relation with him. You do so, but still have to fill out a form of visit, exchange your identity card and another strict protocol process to ensure you are not a threat and perfectly healthy. Yoongi mentioned the exhausting entree process, but you never knew it would be like this. It’s not like Taehyung was sick to the point of needing to be quarantined or anything—but as you remember how annoyingly protective his father is of him, you could only be forced to understand.

“That’s a  beautiful flower.” The nurse suddenly mentions with a slight smile while you are filling up the tedious forms.“I know Taehyung would like it. He never received flowers before.”

Suddenly, you don’t know exactly why a sickening feeling trickles inside your chest. The words thrown by the nurse are sad—you are acquainted with it but the nauseous feeling was like a knee-jerk reaction from you. You gulp, trying to hold yourself from any further falling into the unexpected feeling inside your body.

After completing all the forms and receiving back your ID, the nurse asks you to come with a wide smile.“You can follow me.”

As Yoongi said, Taehyung’s room is on the high level, special for executive patients. The time wasted inside the lift was longer than you expected, so your gaze stills on the beautiful flower on your grasp. It was rare to even find such a blooming flower at this time of the year, but when in the flower shop, amongst all the beautiful flowers, something tells you that this is the one and you follow it.

“We’ve arrived, miss.” The nurse takes you away from your drifting thoughts, and you smile and nod and follow her behind. The hallways are quiet and desolate, the smell of hospitals strong on your senses. Somehow, your minds are rushed, cold sweat trickling on the side of your face. You don’t exactly know why your body is reacting this way—it was a first for you to ever feel such a strange sentiment. 

When the nurse opens the door, your eyes firstly find his own. He is looking deep into you, eyes widened like somehow, he expected your presence.

And your head literally spins.

“You’re here. This is Taehyung. Taehyung, this is Y/N, my girlfriend.”

Yoongi is seated inside, noticing his girlfriend turns rigid. He can sense the air thickens inside the room, and nobody really responds to his introduction. He doesn't even know how the situation could result—meeting new people for both Taehyung and you is just as easy as a walk in the park. Mulling on his concern, he walks to your side, giving you a hastened kiss on your cheeks while your eyes are still trained on the boy laying on his back above the bed. “You okay?” He asks, voice laced with concern. You quickly shake your head, noticing how weird you have become since you arrived. You send him an assuring smile, trying to ignore your hasten breath. It was not your first time seeing his face—you saw it from a few photos Yoongi had on his phone, but the last photo was from five years ago and the man indeed matured a lot since then.

“You look pale, babe.” Yoongi frowns, his hands on the side of your neck, sensing how cold you are on his skin. You shake your head, muttering incoherent agreement to tell Yoongi that he has nothing to worry about. “I’ll get you something warm, okay? Stay here.”

And then silence ensues after a light thud from the door. You are looking back at him, blue lilies bouquet still closed in your grasp. He smirks, noticing how silent you have been at his presence.

“You do know that lilies are for funerals, right?”

The first words Taehyung said to you are to tease you for a flower you somehow mistakenly bought. You wince, hiding the flowers behind your back in sudden shyness. Just to be with him alone in such a short proximity results all kinds of nerves bubbling inside your chest. It feels funny, strange, but simultaneously warm. You can pinpoint any reason for that. “I—I’m sorry. I didn’t really know…”

“No—I’m kidding. Come here.” Taehyung gestures to you to come closer, his hands offered at you. You foolishly point at yourself, asking whether he is actually asking for you. Noticing your bafflement, Taehyung chuckles lightly, and you swear something triggers your head for a thought to cross your mind about how his laugh is probably the sweetest laugh you have ever heard in your adolescent life. Wait—what the fuck were you thinking?

“No, the flowers I mean.” He smiles warmly, but continues with a cunning grin. “But won’t complain if you give me a hug.”

You roll your eyes at him, walking closer to hand him the beautiful blue lilies you have been holding since forever. Taehyung does not take it that immediate second, instead when you are ready to take your hand back to your side along with the bouquet, he suddenly grasps your wrist with his large palm, and then you feel it. You feel the electricity like you are burned, rushing from the lingering spot he touched you and spread all the way to all your senses. You also felt a slight burn on your wrist, in which you can see a purple bruise forming against your pale skin. You gasp, astonished at what just unfolds in front of you.

“You… you…” You mutter, as your lips are too frozen to continue. Your tongue is caught, your heart beat irregularly quickens as you look up at him, large eyes filled with fear, longing and endearment. He felt it as well—the electricity as he looked down, a matching mark was printed on his wrist. There is no way in hell that this is happening.

Taehyung looks at you, a strained, hard gaze filling his eyes. “I’m your soulmate.”

“N—no! No, you must be joking. I—we can’t be soulmates!” You hysterically yell, your brain is in haze at the things that just happened. You dreamt about this, you pray for this moment to finally happen, but it’s not him. You want it to be your Yoongi, the man you love for five years. Not his brother. Not his best friend. You felt terrible, your chest is hurting due to your heart not beating like it should have been for the few minutes you are inside the room.

“You are in pain... I can feel it in my chest..” He painstakingly whispered more to himself, his palm clenching on his chest.  You stare at him in anguish, waiting for him to continue. 

“I have been dreaming about a girl with blue lilies for months. It kept me awake at dawn, and I realized I had been crying in my sleep. It continued for awhile, and believe me, I went to the best doctors to fix these dreams and sleeping habits. I thought it was nothing but then they told me it must be my soulmate, a bond created by heavens. My soulmate is looking for me—” He takes a deep breath, and his beautiful large eyes find yours. Exactly when you feel a striking pain in your chest, as if your body can feel what he is experiencing right now.

“You are looking for me.”

The emotion pumping in your chest is too much to bear, so you run out without even waiting for Yoongi, with Taehyung’s voices still calling your name until it is only silence. You went outside, praying that you will not meet Yoongi on the way down. Everything makes zero sense, and you can’t even imagine what would happen if you saw your boyfriend's face now. You cannot lie that a future scenario that might ensue did cross your mind, that you finally belong to your soulmate, the universe-chosen one that you will spend eternity with. But above anything, you despise how your body reacted to it. That you somehow feel it’s the way everything is supposed to be. That you somehow have to be with him to achieve that infamous happiness the people are talking about.

Shaking your head, you quickly scramble to your car after arriving in the lobby. You desperately need sometimes to sort everything, your mind, your feelings and what you should do next. You are this close to a breakdown, and you can’t have those men anywhere near you for now.

*

It has been two days since you ran away from Yoongi and Taehyung, and you do realize Yoongi has already been blowing up your phone since the time you left Taehyung’s hospital. You are well aware that it’s childish and foolish for you to avoid confrontation, but your mind and heart does not want to deal with anything concerning those two boys. So you decided to take a break from work and go back to your parents house that night, after telling Yoongi something came up with your family. He immediately acknowledges your reason—he figured something must be serious since it’s really not you to go back to the place that disliked your decision for a career, even if it seems like your father already accepted your decision—or you hope so—so Yoongi wished you a good stay in your parents place. After a few seconds of comfortable silence, he breathily whispered to the call.

“I love you, Y/N. Take care, okay? Tell me if anything happens, you know I’m here for you.”

And you foolishly answered the rare yet bitter sweet confession by your boyfriend of five year with a short hum before directly closing the call. It pained you greatly how much you know Yoongi loves you and you are about to lie or lose him forever, and heaven knows it’s the last thing you want to do. Mulling on every kind of possibility of a happy ending, you found none and spent all night crying on your pillow.

It’s nine in the morning, and you are seated on your old bed after running a few miles as your daily exercise—and to relax your mind from thinking too much about Yoongi and Taehyung. It’s your last day to run away from your real life, your job is already a havoc from you suddenly leaving. But you really needed this break, feeling somehow on the edge about everything.

While your mind wanders, suddenly your eyes fall to the bruise on your wrist—which color already turns vibrant blue, the exact color of the blue lilies you gave Taehyung the first time you met him. You feel your mood drops all of a sudden, and you can lightly guess what it is all about. Your soulmate on the other side is having an awful time. It’s not always that you feel what Taehyung is having, you always grade it as your body having its own mind, but you do perceive how powerful it has become now that you met him.

You immediately feel guilty, as you are well aware that Taehyung has been on his own emotionally—beside having Yoongi for a long time. So to finally meet a soulmate that already closed the door on the first meeting, you can’t imagine how upsetting it must be for him.

“Hey…”

You looked up to your mother, bringing a few sliced fruits, leaning on your door. You put up a restrained smile, making a bit of room for her to sit on your bed.

“Are you okay, honey? You haven’t been out since yesterday. I thought you came back to see a few old friends back here.” Your mother smiles, handing you the delicious looking plate. It’s peach, one of your favorite fruits. Usually you would directly jump in, but your stomach churn in displeasure, thinking that Taehyung must have not had food inside his stomach for a while now. You sigh, resting the plate on the nearest bedside. Oh, what an idiot he is.

Your mom sighs, looking at the fruit you haven’t even touched. But you abruptly push your wrist to her, and your mother gasps looking at the distinctive bruise.

“Oh my—honey, are you finally signed for Yoongi?!”

You wince, the pain strikes you hard, the tears falling on your cheek as you shook your head. You should have known. Everyone would always think it’s Yoongi—hell, even you yourself think your soulmate is Yoongi. It is ridiculous how these five years could go so breathtakingly well with two people who are not a paired soulmate. But somehow, against every stigma, you are. You are in an amazing, loving relationship with Yoongi where you would trade anything for his happiness. And now you are destined by the cruel universe to have an eternal soulmate bond with Taehyung, his dearest brother. This whole thing is so fucked up.

“No mom… it’s someone else…”

Then you cry. You cry, as your mom envelopes you on a tight hug, her palm caressing your back in a soothing manner. You spend some times that felt like an eternity in her arms, and you cannot be more thankful for her presence. You

“Soulmate or not, you are still my beautiful, strong daughter. You don’t need anyone to make you happy for you. You can go through this, honey.” Your mom kissed your forehead, her two palms on either side of your cheek then she looks into your reddish eyes, determination fills her beautiful brown orbs that is greatly reflected in yours. You nod with a thankful smile, then she pats your thigh and walks out, leaving you on your own.

Suddenly, your phone rang, disrupting the silence inside your room. You check the display, finding unknown numbers plastered on it. Thinking it might be your students, you swipe to answer the call, instead a baritone voice welcomes you on the other side. 

“Hey, don’t you hurt yourself. I’m literally sick and do not need any additional pain from my soulmate for this stupid bond we have.”

Your heart literally skips a beat, definitely did not expect it would be Taehyung calling you. A warm fuzzy feeling embraces you, your head getting its own high as you felt the effect of two soulmates reaching for each other. It’s unfair how much an effect he is to you, even if deep down you are consuming the wondrous feeling of finally hearing his voice. It’s like your body has been craving contact with your soulmate. Like you have been waiting for him since forever.

“Hey…” You whispered, your throat strained for not speaking for a while. “Sorry. I’m just super distracted and I know I am really—”

“It’s okay.” He cuts you with a soft whisper—like he knows how much you want to avoid talking about the subject with your own mouth—and then your stomach embraced the butterfly inside by just hearing his sultry voice. “I understand how hard it must be for you. I felt it too. I love Yoongi hyung with all my heart, and I am racking my brains here on how to do… this.”

You notice how painful it is for him to say those words, signed by a contracting pain in your chest. You can’t figure whether it’s you or him, though. You keep your mouth shut. “Thank you. And I am sorry for everything. For running away. For these pains I cause you.” You whisper, your heart turns light at Taehyung’s understanding of your current situation. Well, it is your fault to somehow overthink everything, that Taehyung is somehow forcing all this soulmate thing to you. Even after the universe decides that you are his soulmate, your heart still belongs to Yoongi. Just thinking about what would happen to Yoongi after knowing about this results in a heavy urge for you to puke.

“Hey, I don’t think—“

“Yes, I know what you are thinking about and I agree. Yoongi hyung will know when the time is right.” Short, stuffy silence before he continues. “I believe it’s better for you to do it, though.”

You nod, your upper teeth crashing to your under lips in hesitation. “I.. I just never hide anything from him. Especially this big. It’s ridiculous to even hide anything in a five year old relationship.” You chuckle, trying to light up with a joke, but find no response from the other side of the call. Your lips tighten, feeling slight nausea in your body.

“You really love him, don’t you?”

That one question caught you by surprise. Of course you love Yoongi, that is such a ridiculous question for you to hear. Your answer should be a knee-jerk reaction, but something holds you back, and it seems like your body does not comply with what your heart is telling you to do. But finally after a few long seconds full of dense silence, you let out a hum, signaling an answer to him. 

“Yes.”

Silence which feels like an eternity.

“He is one lucky guy.”

All of a sudden, your heart is clenched hard, until the pain seeps into your brain in a warning manner. A groan escapes your lips, but your teeth quickly stab your lips hard, trying to prevent any sound from coming out and hoping it could release the incredulous pain knocking your insides. Even if it hurts to the point like it is a struggle to even breathe, you manage to let out another hum to reciprocate his words. 

After another long silence ensues, you raise your voice in a jokingly annoyed manner. “Hey, eat your food. I am seriously in pain because you haven’t eaten.” You angrily huff, and then hear a dry chuckle from Taehyung on the other side. You can’t bear a smile blooming on your lips hearing the wonderful sound of his laughter, and you don’t even know why your body is reacting this way and it flusters you.

“I will.”

“Okay.” You nod with a light hum, even if he can’t see it. You can imagine him biting his thin lips, agonizing what he probably is mulling in his mind right now. And you can’t bear to swoon just imagining the wonderful sight. 

“So… I’ll see you soon?” He asked, full of hesitation and fear. Silence again...

“Yup. See you soon.” You reply, full of hesitation and fear. You swiftly end the call, burying your face on the bed, tears of anger and fear substantially raining out until there are no tears left to cry.

Yoongi, tell me what to do.. Cause I really don’t want to hurt you, yet it seems like I have to..

==============

a.n = first chapter is up! woooohoooo i hope u guys like it! tell me what you think or if you want to be tagged in the next chapter, do let me know in comment / ask box. :)

#soulmate #bts #taehyung #yoongi #angst #fluff #bts taehyung #bts yoongi #taehyung x reader #yoongi x reader #bts boyfriends #bts fluff #bts fanfic #taegi #taehyung fluff #bts angst #soulmate bts

[nanasarea]

CEO I ii

Prompt: Spoiling your sugar baby is easy to get away with when you’re the ceo

Genre: mostly fluff, a bit of angst, small portion of smut

Pairing: sugar baby!haechan x ceo!reader (kinda gender-neutral)

Word count: 1814

A/N: NOT PROOFREAD, Prequel to CEO and dedicated to the actual CEO of SM: @hotlinehyuck​

iii

The minute you walked into the office, Haechan’s breath stopped. He knew the new CEO was gonna be way younger the previous ones, but he didn’t expect someone who was this young and this ethereal.

He tried to stare at you as much as possible, but whenever he tried, he was met with your eyes staring right back at him. The meeting ended and he tried his best not to fall on the way to the door, as he felt his knees getting weaker by the second.

“Haechan, do you have a sec?” He heard you call after him, making him nervously turn around to face you and answer.

“I have a lot of secs.”, causing his hyungs to laugh right before they left the two of you alone in the office. 

“I mean, I have a lot of time, ceo-nim.” He awkwardly corrected.

“It’s okay, Haechan, you don’t have to be this nervous around me. I don’t bite.” You laughed “Not unless you want me to, of course.” You added, making his already warm face heat up even more. 

“Now, I saw some of the demos you sang for other groups and I must say, the idea of you singing a whole song by yourself has been on my mind for a while now. I was hoping you would be into it.” You said, watching him intensely. 

“I would love to!” He said, his smile lighting up the room. 

“Great! I propose we discuss this over dinner?” You asked, making him flustered once again “I would love that as well.” He replied, hoping you didn’t hear the squeal in his tone.

You definitely heard. 

“Be ready at 6, okay? I’ll get someone to pick you up at your dorms.” You said, grabbing your stuff and walking to the door. 

“Oh, and wear something fancy.” You added before exiting. 

Haechan just stared at the ground and tried to process the idea that the CEO just asked him out. The very attractive new young CEO. Asked him out. As if his comment about having lots of secs wasn’t enough material to tease him.

Time jump

He stared at himself in the mirror, trying to adjust his tie for the 15th time. 

“Stop worrying, you still have a lot of secs till you have to go on your little date.” Johnny commented, causing the younger one to roll his eyes and run his tongue on the inside of his cheek, fighting back a smile. 

“Hyung, for the last time, we’re going over some song ideas, that’s all.” He said, trying to hide the excitement in his voice.

“How come the young annoying one gets a date before me?” Doyoung commented from couch, causing Haechan to send him a death glare as he approached him.

“Now, now, don’t want to ruin your suit for your date.” Doyoung teased, knowing this was one of the few chances he got to tease him as much as he is doing now. 

“Laugh all you want, but when I’m dating the CEO, you’re all becoming jobless.” He tired back before he heard a knocking at the door. 

“Have fun on your date! But, remember, no funny business on the first date!” Taeyong yelled as Haechan exited the dorms, fighting back his smile.

He got into the car and was driven to the fancy restaurant, which Johnny was reading about yesterday. Only the elite of the elite could get in, the food was prepared by the best chefs out there and rumor has it, one steak costs as much as a Lamborghini. It was located on the 15th floor, because apparently, they wanted to be closer to heaven while you taste their godtier food. His eyes widened at the realization of where he was.

“So nice to see you, ready to go?” You asked, getting up from your seat and offering him a glass of champagne. 

“Um, I guess.” He said, still starstruck by the restaurant, he took the glass from your hand and noticed your attire. If he didn’t think you were the hottest person he’s seen before, he sure does now. 

“It’s Pinot Noir, but I can get you a Chardonnay if you’d prefer that.” You commented, noticing his mind was more occupied with looking at you than the champagne in his hands.

“Oh, that, it’s fine.” He nervously smiled.

 “Good, well, come on, the song isn’t going to discuss itself.” You reminded, taking his free hand and guiding him to the table you reserved near the window, which had the best view of the city. 

“Wow.” Haechan commented, still not believing he was there. 

“Order whatever you want, my treat.” You said, snapping him out of his trance as you both sat down.

You discussed the song as you intended, but you couldn’t fight the smile creeping on your face at the excited boy across from you. 

“CEO-nim, I-” “Call me y/n, please.” You cut him off before drinking more of the champagne. 

“Y/n, do you take every artist here to discuss their songs?” He asked making you chuckle.

 “Only the cute ones, who have a lot of secs.” You joked, smirking at him before continuing your meal.

“Oh god, that’s gonna stick, isn’t it.” He laughed.

And so, one dinner turned into two, then three, next thing you know, you were “discussing” the song at your apartment, and by discussing, I mean making out on your bed to the melody of the song, which he insisted was “checking if the melody was hot enough for him to sing on.” and oh boy, it was. 

Two months have passed from the first time you had dinner together, and you were still spoiling him with expensive gifts and gourmet food. He felt like he was on cloud Nine, all he had to do was tell you he wants a new jacket and you would be at the mall, buying each and every one he liked.

You even took him on your “business trips” and “accidentally” book only one room. He was being spoiled and he was enjoying way too much for his own good. 

“Oh, that feels so good.” Haechan moaned as you took him into your mouth. You slowly bobbed your head, making him whine. 

“Please, please, stop teasing, I need it.” He moaned, trying to get you to take all of him inside your mouth. “Patience, babe.” You said, licking the side of his dick, causing him to whimper. 

You finally sped up your pace after 3 minutes of his whining, touching yourself in the process, as your hand worked on yourself and your mouth worked on him, your felt a wave of pleasure, causing you to moan onto his dick. 

“Oh, please do that again, it felt so good.” He plead, causing your hand to move faster as you approached your climax. After your high, you heard Haechan announce he was going to cum. 

“Swallow.” He simply moaned before you felt his cum in your mouth. 

“Such a good sugar baby, were you hoping on getting another headset if you behaved?” You asked, kissing him before getting dressed.

“Something like that.” He replied, breathless. You left your room and brought back two glasses of champagne. When you came back, you saw Haechan fully clothed and staring at your wall.

“You know, I have never been to Italy.” Haechan announced as he stared at your new paintings which were delivered straight from there. 

“I’ll take you some time.” You said, handing him a glass of Pinot Noir while wrapping your arm around his waist and looking at the painting. 

“Like this weekend?” He asked, turning to look at you and downing the sparkling beverage. 

“You’re so impatient, you know that? You’re lucky I can’t say no to you.” You chuckled, emptying your own glass.

“So it’s a date?” He asked, turning his whole body towards you “It’s a date, baby.” You answered as he quickly kissed you before gasping.

“What am I gonna wear?” He asked “As if your closet isn’t 3 shirts away from exploding, thanks to me.” You teased, causing him to chuckle.

“You love me.” He reminded.

“I sure do.” You said “I’m gonna get myself another glass, you want one?” You quickly added.

You kept confirming your love for him, if it wasn’t obvious already, but he never said it back. You weren’t sure if he was just too shy or if he actually had no feelings for you.

Maybe you were a fool for expecting him to feel something, it’s not like you’re officially dating, but it hurt. It hurt knowing you loved him, him knowing and not saying anything back. Maybe you were reading too much into it.

“No, thanks. I should get going, it’s getting pretty late.” He said, walking towards you to kiss you one more time before leaving.

 “Night, babe.” He quickly said before exiting, leaving you alone with your bottle of champagne. You looked at the glass, at the bottle, glass, bottle, you ended up saying fuck it and just taking the bottle with you. 

Haechan got to the dorms and asked Jaehyun if they had any alcohol he could borrow. 

“Why are you asking me? Do you think I’m some sort of an alcoholic who has bottles of wine just layin-they’re in my room in the cooler.” Jaehyun said, feeling defeated after Haechan gave him the “bro, spill” look.

After getting the bottle, he put it on the table and poured himself and Jaehyun a glass before sighing and downing it all in one go. 

“Woah there, buddy. You alright there?” Jaehyun asked, chuckling at the younger’s state.

“Y/N keeps telling me about loving me and I don’t know what to do. I mean, I thought all the kissing and skinship was a way of saying “thanks for the gifts, glucose guardian.”, you know? But maybe it was more than that?” The confused boy replied.

“And we’re going to Italy this weekend.” he added.

“So, you don’t lov-” “I don’t know, hyung! I thought I was sticking around because of the gifts but now, I’m not so sure. Hyung, it’s just something about the way I smile the second y/n pops into my head, it feels like it’s not just the gifts I like.” He cut off before pouring himself another glass.

“Tell y/n that you’re in love, you clearly are. I’m sure y/n will be happy to hear it.” Jaehyun chuckled, pushing the glass towards Haechan, motioning him to pour him one too. 

“I don’t know, hyung. What if-” “No what ifs, if you don’t confess before, you’re gonna confess in Italy! After Italy, I’m doing it for you!” Jaehyun explained, making Haechan furrow his eyebrows.

“Come on, trust me, I’m Valentine boy!” Jaehyun added, making Haechan laugh as they brought their glasses together. 

“Cheers to confessing then!” Haechan said as they both emptied their glasses.

A/N: this is a prequel, so what happened before he confessed his feelings, if you want to hear his confession, go check out part 1 and if this gets enough notes, I’ll write something small for their adventures in Italy, who knows

I hope you enjoyed reading this because I had a blast writing it. This concept makes me weak tbh.

#nct #nct u #nct dream #nct 127 #wayv #nct dream fluff #nct dream angst #nct dream smut #lee donghyuck #lee haechan #haechan x reader #nct x reader #nct dream x reader #ceo au #sugar baby au #ceo #yesha appreciation #nct x genderneutral reader

[fencesandfrogs]

an abridged history/explanation of warrior cats if you didn’t read them as a kid and have questions (a primer)

welcome. i’m going to keep things to the point, this is not a plot summary, just, well, its a pandemic and people are seeking items of childhood comfort and its come to my attention that a lot of people didn’t read these books as kids and then they come up in conversation and they act shocked so! i felt compelled to write this.

[2.5k words, 10min read. section headers, no pictures. not a ton of helpful formatting. i don’t want to say don’t read this because obviously i wrote it and think it’s worth reading, but i’ll be honest, this is a lot.]

section one: about me

i was an avid reader as a child, most of which fits solidly into “stories for another time,” and some of which would necessitate me adding tags onto this post that are, well, not necessary. so i will skip over that backstory but for those aware of lexile scores, i had one that was too high for literally any book that was appropriate to give me. so reading in school was torture and reading for fun was excellent.

now because i was a first-ish grader and my mom was trying to keep the fifth harry potter out of my hands, she looked desperately for something else to pass to me. her friend, who had a daughter a year or two older than me, was into these cat books, and my mom was like “here honey you like cats” without thinking too much about it.

which is good, because as i’ll get into, it was a really good fit for me. but like a dozen books later she asked me about the plot and well. i think at that moment she realized that it might have been better to just let me read harry potter.

but yeah i continued to read them long past the recommended reading ages and still as a Young Adult will return to them for nostalgia, and also as i will get into, some really good books. (see a list of books for “morbidly curious but i don’t want to spend 56 to 168 hours reading this”)

i’m not fully caught up on the series but this is not a plot summary so that should not impact my ability to discuss this

section two: content warnings

these books (not this post) includes the following:

discussion of castration (1.1 series 1, book 1, i’m not including this on every item/discussion because this is a complicated series but i want to demo how up front some of this is)

teenage romance/sex/pregnancy (1.1ish-1.3 or 4, continues throughout the series quite a lot, comes up again in 3.4/5, 4.4-5, and a bit in 5)

death from childbirth (1.can’t remember which book, many others)

unwanted pregnancy (se super edition, or a longer one off novel, discussed in 4&5)

sex/implied, discussed, and very very very heavily hinted but never directly said/shown (1.1-3ish, se, other)

murder (constantly, 1.1, 1.4, literally every book, 3.5, i’m just listing the ones i remember off the top of my head that were particularly graphic)

disability/illness, esp. the debilitating and/or deadly nature of it (1.3-5ish, 3.1, but all of 3, 3.4ish)

dementia (1.3-5, i’ve heard in some of the later series?)

abuse (7/8 this is reported i haven’t read these books but based on what i know it’s def there)

child abandonment (1.4-5, 3.4/5, it’s also all over the place but i think those are the only major character incidents of it)

treason (1.3-5, all over the place)

the horror/tragedy of war (background, but pretty constant)

disagreeing with an integral religion/tradition (3, based on the series title, 8, and generally scattered)

the corrupting influence of power (1.4/5, possibly 7/8, others)

racism (1, 3-5, possibly others)

sexism (se, background)

patriarchal societies (se, seems to be somewhat softened based on what i’ve heard but i’m not entirely sure about this)

and more! but it starts to get stranger and this is enough to prove my point

basically everything that could go wrong does

oh yeah! child abuse also child abuse that’s a very major theme in the first series as well as during other points. and elder abuse in the first series.

okay i’ve made my point.

section three: the appeal

look. so. i think we’re kind of pastel-ify children’s literature based on movies. see, parents have to watch children’s movies with their kids, so they can’t be gritty and intense because a lot of parents will say “not for my nine year old! they can’t deal with treason!” and that seems to be bleeding into children’s literature.

but warriors is not that. it’s intense, it borders on “too gruesome for children,” and it’s from a time where kids books got to be serious and heavy and dark because they were about animals. which was great because i couldn’t find books at my reading level that weren’t too thematically difficult, so i got to read something below my reading level, but thematically too hard, so it kind of balanced out.

and then well. so. the series grows with the audience, but the books don’t grow in terms of like difficulty so new readers start deep into it and it’s a complicated thing, the fandom history is complex, but.

the appeal is that parents don’t usually read the books their kids read and so they see a book about cats and assume it’s fluff, and kids who are starved of complex content get to read hamlet-for-kids.

section four: worldbuilding/lore

oh yeah also there’s some really deep lore to explore. so there’s two bits of appeal.

i’m not doing a full world/plot summary, but i’ll explain some common elements here.

thunder/shadow/wind/riverclan: harry potter houses for cats (gryffindor, slytherin, hufflepuff, ravenclaw, except this doesn’t work for the last two but that’s fine because no one cares about them despite riverclan being pretty important in most of the books)

-kit/-paw/-star: naming conventions. everyone has a two part name. (we’ll use cinder as an example because i like the two cinders we know, even tho neither of them get to be cinderstar.) babies are -kit (cinderkit), then when they’re apprentices, which is like being a student, you know, elementary through high school, you’re paw, so cinderpaw. then you get an Official Name from ur clan leader (cinderheart). if you become clan leader, you get to be -star (cinderstar). i know i haven’t explained clan leaders bear with me. this is kind of important because i have the names burned into my memory so i cannot simply always call firestar firestar if he was firepaw at the time of the events i’m describing. it won’t be ambiguous, cinderheart/cinderpelt are a special case. if this is tricky for you it’s fine just only read the first part of the name.

clan (leader, deputy, medicine cat, elder): roles with in the clan. leaders literally have nine lives. deputies are next in line and chosen by the leader. leaders usually go through several deputies, because deputies don’t have nine lives. medicine cats are doctors. they also have an apprentice. those are all one per clan. elders are just retired cats. they’re not a special category per say, but i wanted to mention them.

warrior: adult.

warrior code: laws.

star clan: dead cats. this ties into the religion which is pretty important to the books but for the most part if you understand that dead cats get to give guidance and send their approval, you have the gist of it.

section five: so um, what the fuck

so we start with a cat named rusty who runs into the woods to join thunderclan and then his name is firepaw and we all forget that he’s named rusty except for like that one time it comes up again. bluestar is a great leader with some corrupt deputies but fireheart eventually takes care of it and becomes clan leader which is a big deal.

then a bunch of other shit happens and suddenly ashfur is possessing brackenstar and being (more) abusive to squirrelflight (who is on the outs with brackenstar anyway for lying about their kits jayfeather, hollyleaf, and lionheart because they’re actually the children of firestar’s other daughter leafpool who had them with crowfeather after she fell in love with him but he’s from windclan and she’s a medicine cat so that’s double illegal and apparently hollyleaf is alive even though she yeeted herself into a pit and died because she killed ashfur when he threatened to reveal this but couldn’t live with being the product of an illegal meeting and then it was all pointless because leafpool stopped being a medicine cat out of guilt anyway and jayfeather is just an ornery bitch about everything but especially all of this)

i’m not explaining any of that.

section six: i repeat: so um, what the fuck

so the thing about these books is they’re soap operas and dramas about cats and that means they get just as strange and chaotic as anything else in the genre. i think a lot of people like me, who read them as children, regard the series we knew as a child (usually either the first three or the first five, plus super editions) as something good and warm and comforting (despite being dark and gruesome) because they made us feel good.

they were also a breeding ground for young fandom because of all the the drama that exists and the nature of the books providing that.

section seven: super editions

the simple answer to what a super edition is has already been given (it’s a novel length one-off about a single character, and its usually either a side character - bluestar, crowfeather - or a event/perspective we don’t get to see - firestar, skyclan, greystripe - and they’re generally more mature)

my favorite super edition is bluestar’s prophecy. i read it at like 16, slinking into the children’s library with a stack of other ya fiction and a “children’s book” which dealt with unwanted pregnancy, grief, forbidden love, and more. still not sure why that’s in the children’s section.

section eight: about the drama

so there’s been a lot of fandom drama about these books. i can’t tell you about the nuances, because i am an old fan, so i watched but didn’t partake. the highlights reel that i can recall goes as follows (please note i will refer to characters by name without explanation. it’s fine. the point of this section is to convey the pettiness of this drama):

tigerstar: did he do anything wrong? (the answer is holy shit yes, this isn’t discourse, it’s okay to like a villain)

scourge: did he do anything wrong, also what color is his collar? (also yes, doesn’t matter)

was the new prophecy (2)/omen of the stars (3)/etc good? (yes, eh, no, yes, no comment, no comment)

should jaypaw or hollypaw be medicine cat apprentice (neither of them, but jaypaw’s employment opportunities are limited because he’s blind, so its gotta b him)

uhh a massive tangle around this parentage drama between squirrelflight, leafpool, brackenfur, and crowfeather, which i used as the crux of humor for how batshit the plots can get, so i’m not even going to pretend i can make it funny, but just know that it’s batshit and the correct opinion is as follows: no one is right, but squirrelflight has done the least wrong, brackenfur is an asshole to her where it’s unwarrented, and hollyleaf is an idiot

and the current drama centers around brackenstar and ashfur and is tied directly to the point above, which is why i’ve kind of given up trying to make jokes about this because this is the culmination of like 35 novels.

section nine: i feel like i need to have some conclusive point to justify writing all of this

but i don’t have one, because this was really an excuse to ramble about an old passion for like half an hour. i mean i guess i can say, like, i think younger fans are sort of embroiled in this drama they don’t really have context for, because i’m not kidding, the current drama centers around the grandchildren of our original cast.

it’s kind of hard to know why, say, mistystar matters if you don’t know that she’s the child of bluefur and oakheart and if you don’t remember the drama that surrounded that when bluestar was dying and tigerstar and leopardstar were ruling a combined shadow/riverclan.

(i really hope that’s intelligible i tried to lay the groundwork for it. basically, there’s a biracial kid in a very segregated society who becomes the leader of one of the clans. which is obviously drama, especially considering that that clan was part of a weird supremacy movement a while back.)

& you know? i really hope one of the new series gets to be like, a soft reboot. just. end the current drama and pick up again with the latest generation. a) we’re starting to run out of names, and b) i think that it’s kind of tipped over the edge of sane.

the series also used to be very low fantasy. the cat societies are reasonably close to feral cat colonies (the biggest detail is that toms don’t all have their own territory, but there’s honestly in-universe discussion of this and it’s basically a culture thing), and while star clan/religion is a real and legitimate thing, there’s also a discussion of its abuse and most of the early books don’t really use star clan/related ideas as a physical force so much as a plot device, barring, like, when a new leader gets their nine lives.

honestly, i’ll always adore these books for serving the role they did, and a lot of the series is fantastically well written. but the fandom surrounding it can be, uh, not great because 9-14 year olds don’t really have good brains to understand this.

also, i’m very sad that i can’t find the flash game that was for the great prophecy. it was not very fun, but i enjoyed playing it, so if anyone knows the url so i can search the internet archive for it, please let me know.

section ten: i’m morbidly curious but there are 56 hours of books to read, assuming a very fast reading pace, so is there something i can start with to experience this without dedicating 4 days to it?

yes, there is.

it’s called bluestar’s prophecy. it’s standalone, and i should have given you enough of a background on the lore that you don’t need to know anything else. i’ve already given away the twist in series 1 that it would spoil, so you’re all good on that front.

if you want more, or want the original experience, the first series is self contained and quite good. i’ve given the broad outlines of the plot, but trust me, there’s a lot of surprises and all sorts of things i skipped over because while i like it, it’s not exactly fandom primer material

i also enjoy firestar’s quest and skyclan’s destiny for super editions, but you’ll need to read the first series to understand FQ and FQ to understand SD, so it’s not exactly a starting point. also, SD especially deals with a very different set of themes as the other books.

also, if you were to, say, search “readwarriorcats” (no spaces) on duckduckgo, and then click on one of the first links, you know, not the official site, the one hosted on one of those free website things, you know, not wix, not wordpress, the other one, you would only find lists of the books with hyperlinks.

;3

#warrior cats #fandom #txt #mine #1st #February #2021 #February 1st 2021 #essay #personal #long #q

[mediaeval-muse]

Academic Book Review

The Professor Is In: The Essential Guide to Turning Your PhD Into a Job. By Karen Kelsky. New York: Three Rivers Press, 2015. Pp. x + 438. $16.

Argument: Each year tens of thousands of students will, after years of hard work and enormous amounts of money, earn their Ph.D. And each year only a small percentage of them will land a job that justifies and rewards their investment. For every comfortably tenured professor or well-paid former academic, there are countless underpaid and overworked adjuncts, and many more who simply give up in frustration. Those who do make it share an important asset that separates them from the pack: they have a plan. They understand exactly what they need to do to set themselves up for success.  They know what really moves the needle in academic job searches, how to avoid the all-too-common mistakes that sink so many of their peers, and how to decide when to point their Ph.D. toward other, non-academic options. Karen Kelsky has made it her mission to help readers join the select few who get the most out of their Ph.D. As a former tenured professor and department head who oversaw numerous academic job searches, she knows from experience exactly what gets an academic applicant a job. And as the creator of the popular and widely respected advice site The Professor is In, she has helped countless Ph.D.s turn themselves into stronger applicants and land their dream careers.

***Full review under the cut.***

Chapter Breakdown: This book technically has 63 chapters, so I’m going to briefly describe each major section.

Section 1: Dark Times in the Academy Overviews the decline in tenture-track jobs in higher education, as well as the challenges facing PhDs, from adjucting to the feeling of losing one’s identity.

Section 2: Getting Your Head in the Game A guide to the realities of the academic job market, including what it is, what unspoken rules/assumptions are present, what grad students tend not to understand or habits that make them a poor candidate, institution types and rankings, and how to (generally) build yourself up as a candidate.

Section 3: The Nuts and Bolts of a Competitive Record Covers the importance of building a CV, getting teaching experience, publishing, obtaining grants, cultivating references, and going to conferences. Also contains advice on how to take control of these situations.

Section 4: Job Documents That Work Advice on how to compose cover letters, CVs, teaching statements, evidence of teaching effectiveness, research statements, diversity statements, and dissertation abstracts.

Section 5: Techniques of the Academic Interview Information about interview basics, including what kinds of questions are likely to be asked (and how to respond). Also includes information about conference interviews, campus visits, job talks, teaching demos, talking to deans, etc. Also contains advice on how to handle outrageous questions and what to do after the interview.

Section 6: Navigating the Job Market Minefield Covers topics that could cause additional stress in the job market search, such as inside candidates, unresponsive references, poor campus climate, department politics, pregnancy, finances, etc. Also contains advice on how to dress professionally and cautions against attitudes like narcissism, grandiosity, self-juvenilization, etc.

Section 7: Negotiating an Offer Advice for negotiating job offers, including sections on partner (formerly, “spousal”) hires and rescinded offers.

Section 8: Grants and Postdocs Contains templates for writing grants as well as an overview of how postdoc applications are different from a job application.

Section 9: Some Advice About Advisors Overview of what kinds of advisors are “good” (one that has your best interests in mind) as well as a section on how advisors/departments discuss PhD debt (and what that can tell you about job prospects).

Section 10: Leaving the Cult Advice on leaving academia, including a list of transferable skills. More focused on “giving permission” to leave as opposed to traditional job search advice (like how to write a non-academic cover letter).

Reviewer Comments: Despite the intimidating size of this book, The Professor Is In is probably the most useful text I’ve come across (so far) in terms of career advice for PhDs. It contains practical information about preparing academic job materials, as well as insights into unspoken assumptions about the job search from the perspective of the hiring committee. It also does not hesitate in talking about the dismal state of higher education, and is very clear that the contents of this book (and individual action) can’t fix systemic problems.

The tone of the writing is appropriate for its audience. Kelsky doesn’t attempt to give readers an inspirational pep talk, nor does she ignore the fact that readers may have very real, pressing anxieties about their futures. Instead, she lays out the facts of the job market so that readers can make informed choices about how to proceed. I liked that Kelsky’s prose was so down-to-earth and blunt, not trying to coddle PhDs but also not trying to blame them for things beyond their control. Instead, Kelsky was able to balance “tough love” with true empathy and compassion, which made me not only feel open to reflecting on my own flaws as a PhD job candidate, but also respected as someone with real concerns. For some, the tone might be off-putting, as it does, admittedly, come off as “angry” in many ways, but I honestly prefer that over other books I’ve read that tries to “cutesify” the problems in academia. I also appreciated that Kelsky offered stats and secondary sources to illustrate everything point she made, so her advice felt less anecdotal and more rooted in research. As PhDs, most of us like supporting research, so I may be a bit biased; I just don’t find anecdotes that inspirational.

While this book is aimed at PhDs from various disciplines, the sheer amount of information and practical writing advice made it *actually* useful. As opposed to books which tend to offer general pointers like “tailor your resume,” Kelsky has specific advice, like “email your letter writer and ask for 15-20 minutes of their time” or “here’s an example of a diversity statement as well as a brief analysis of what it does and does not do.” Kelsky clearly lays out not just what candidates *should* be doing, but also *why* they should be doing it, which makes concepts easy to grasp and see the value in.

The only major thing that made this book discouraging to read was the implicit suggestion that if you haven’t been building your academic job profile from the beginning (or even before entering graduate school), you’re basically f*cked. Looking over some of the advice, I couldn’t help but feel like I had missed out on some things and couldn’t rectify them because I’m out of school. Maybe that’s true, maybe it isn’t, but either way, I wanted to see it addressed (or maybe it was and I missed it?). If I can’t get accepted to lead a conference panel in the top conference in my field, what then? What if I apply for tons of grants and don’t get many? What if a journal holds onto my article for 2 years with the promise of publishing it but never moves forward (something that actually happened to me)? What if my dissertation topic is interesting to me, but doesn’t follow popular trends? Am I a bad candidate? Should I give up? Things like that.

Overall, I think this book is one of the most practically useful guides out there, and if you’re a grad student who does not have a supportive job placement program at your institution, this book is invaluable for beginning to understand the realities of the academic job market, as dismal and unfair as it is.

Recommendations: I would recommend this book if

you’re a graduate student or adjunct going on the academic job market

you’re a grad student thinking ahead about how to use your time in graduate school effectively

you’re a PhD thinking about leaving academia

you working in career advising (including positions such as dissertation director or department head)

#book reviews #academic book reviews

[sweetdejun]

coterie: the pen (2/2)

gang!x1 x fem!reader

synopsis: you’re an ordinary girl, with an ordinary life. but what happens when you catch the gang that is famous for keeping their deeds under the table, in action?

coterie’s masterlist can be found here

pairing: cho seungyoun and y/n

a/n: mild cursing, so proceed with caution. stay safe and healthy, everyone~

the next morning comes bright and early, and you must admit, you had trouble waking up due to the fact that you almost finished one of the books you picked up the day before. you started reading it and somehow it was 3 in the morning, and you had to force yourself to close the book. miraculously you managed to make it out of bed on time, and you sauntered over to the library, your laptop tucked safely into one arm as you swung open the door. you made your way to your desk, and set down your things. I could go for some coffee right about now, you thought and rang soonja for your coffee. “mr. cho asked for your coffee a few minutes ago, he wanted both to be dropped off at the library. would you still like for me to send one in for you?” you raised your eyebrows and truth be told, felt your heart beat a little faster. “oh? then in that case, please just bring both of them up, don’t worry about the second one. thank you.” it seemed minutes later, seungyoun walked in, followed by soonja with your coffees, the smell now permeating throughout the room. “good morning, y/n! I hope you don’t mind, but I asked soonja to bring in both of our coffees together,” seungyoun sheepishly grinned, to which you shook your head, smiling. “it’s no big deal, sir. thank you, soonja, for the coffee!” she set down the respective beverages before giving you a small bow and retreating from the library. “you don’t have to be so formal with me, y/n. you can call me seungyoun,” he said, before taking a swig from his mug. “okay, si-seungyoun. thank you for the coffee, I really needed it.” and he chuckled a little as you proceeded to start your work-filled day with a cup of coffee, face turning a light shade of pink.

generally, your day-to-day routine remained the same. you would go to work, where seungyoun had your and his coffee, and you would begin looking through cases and making case briefs which you would later file so that they’d be easy for him to find, in case he needed to reference them. sometimes, seungyoun would have you stop what you’re doing and review something for him while he’d step out momentarily. you’d work through the day, then get back to your room in the evening, before repeating the cycle the next day. every once in a while as the both of you work away, seungyoun will start conversation, and it’s just about random topics. one minute, you guys will talk about what flavors of ice cream are superior, to why you think you’re a slytherin and he’s a ravenclaw. one day while you were having one of said conversations, and the topic of music comes up. “I listen to a range of music,” you tell him as you staple papers. “I guess it really just depends on my mood... I could be listening to classical music one minute, then rock music that goes hard the next, so it’s unconventional, but I enjoy it.” seungyoun nods, and proceeds to ask you who your favorite artist is. “actually, this one guy appeared on my grid a few weeks ago, and I’ve started to listen to his music a little more. his name is woodz, and wow, I’ve never heard a voice like his before in my entire life. and his lyrics are so heartfelt, you can tell he’s genuinely modeled his lyrics from his own experiences and stories. strange thing is now one has ever seen him or anything like that, and as far as I know people are dying to get a glimpse of him .” you look up from your busy hands, to find seungyoun studying the open air, eyes narrowed in focus. as you fell quiet, seungyoun was snapped out of his trance, blinking rapidly, before turning towards you. “I’m sorry, I zoned out there for a second.” and part of you wanted to ignore it, but your curiosity got the best of you. “is something the matter, seungyoun?” you noticed the hesitation looming in his eyes, as if he was contemplating something and finally, with a sigh he looked towards you, “actually, there’s something I wanna show you.” he stood up from his seat, and motioned for you to follow him. he leads you out of the library, and you follow him, going down a set of stairs, before eventually making your way to an eerily dark corner of the mansion. he reaches a room, placing his hand on the doorknob, and turns to look at you, who still has no clue about what’s going on. “what I am about to show you is private, and only the other members of the gang know about this.” you nod, his serious gaze making shivers run down your spine. he opens the door.

inside the room looks like a recording studio. and you’ve only ever seen them in movies and tv shows, never in real life, but it’s how you would think it looks. a dim room separated by a door and a glass window, displaying a stool and a microphone, lit only by the singular bulb sitting right above the apparatus. on your side is the computer, keyboard and a bunch of other sound machines more recognizable to anyone more familiar with these instruments than you. “it’s a recording studio,” seungyoun tells you. “whenever I have time, or when I’m feeling inspired is when I come down here. I write lyrics, or I make a beat. sometimes, I’ll even get to record it.” he looks over to you, who is still admiring the room, taking in all the details, your mouth slightly ajar. he chuckles softly, which catches your attention. your eyes move to his smiling figure and you feel embarrassed. “I’m sorry, I’m just a little taken aback. It’s my first time seeing anything like this in person.” seungyoun’s got a look in his eye you can’t quite understand, but that thought fades away fast, as he moves forward to sit on the chair, pulling you along with him. seungyoun’s hand is slightly calloused, albeit warm and his hold feels secure. that notion leaves you as quick as it came, leaving the back of your neck feeling warm. he sits, before pulling a stool over, for you. “of course, the others know about the studio, but I’ve never let any of them listen to anything before,” he tells you. “why not?” you ask and his gaze suddenly falls to the floor in utter bashfulness. “well, I have uploaded a lot of my music, and it has gotten attention, but I don’t know, I guess I’m just shy...” he lets out a small sigh and smiles at you, sadness looming in his grin. your heart ached at his immediate change in demeanor. “sorry, I didn’t mean to throw that weight onto you,” but you interrupt, shaking your head. “don’t be. sometimes you need to let things out, so don’t apologize. and I appreciate that you want to share your music with me, but if you still feel uncomfortable, you don’t have to-” and he cut you off, “but I want to. I don’t know why, y/n, but I feel like I can trust you with this. I’m not doing this out of obligation, I genuinely want your opinions.” and with that he exhaled and muttered, “here it goes.”

within the first millisecond of the song, a pang of familiarity hit you. one second, two seconds, three. you’re amazed because you’ve heard this song before. realization dawns over you, and you turn to look at seungyoun, who’s got a small smile on his face. “you.. you’re... woodz?” there was definitely a lot going through your head, but the first thing that managed to escape your mouth as he slowly nodded was, “holy shit, you rock, dude.” seungyoun, shocked by your reaction, laughed loudly, covering his mouth as the corners of his eyes crinkled up, shaping them into crescents. you, who were still starstruck, leaned back, your hands in your hair, until you forgot that you were sitting on a stool, which didn’t have anything to support you. “whoa,” slipped from your mouth, and before you hit the ground, that same warm hand protected you from the hit, strongly gripping your waist, before gracefully seating you back up. “you okay?” seungyoun’s voice rang, but all you could hear was how loud your heart was beating. “you have caused quite the commotion in the music industry, and I’ve read the comments everywhere. they all love your music, and you’ve got tons of supporters, including me. I instantly felt like I could relate to your lyrics, and you’ve made some sick beats, and just everything, wow.” you started to ramble, and seungyoun felt embarrassed but strangely, hearing your feedback was all that mattered in that moment. and you guys sat in there for god knows how long, just talking about his music, to his musical journey. you learned that since college, seungyoun’s had a knack for mixing tracks and creating music, to the point where professionals had reached out to him, to ask if he wanted to make a career out of it. but, he ended up choosing law over music which is a decision he’s glad he made, but sometimes, when a piece of him regrets turning down those offers, he comes down here, and creates masterpieces (which is what you would call them) instead. from that day forward, the friendship between the both of you grew a lot stronger. you and seungyoun were almost constantly hanging out, even out of the library. you guys ate together, worked together, and he’d often take you to the recording room, where he’d have you listen to demos and ask for your advice about what needed some tweaking and what you liked. slowly, you started breaking out of your shell more with him, and although he wasn’t aware of it, seungyoun was too and he was glad to have you in his life.

you continued to your daily routine, as always, and one day, you walked into the library and were surprised to see seungyoun sitting at his desk with someone sitting across from him; an older man, with a head of gray and blonde hair, and they were speaking in a language you couldn’t quite understand. you greeted the two men and as soon as he noticed you, a grin formed on his face, contorting in a way that made you tense up. you turned around to sit on your desk, not failing to notice the gaze of the man, which seemed to ravish at the sight of you. you felt extremely uncomfortable, tucking your legs under your desk; you thought you dressed appropriately for this job, nothing too short or too tight, but the way the man’s eyes traced down your body and the way his tongue poked out to wet his bottom lip caused you to nearly fall grabbing a nearby sweater to wrap around you. seungyoun noticed your actions almost immediately. why were you wearing a sweater in the middle of summer? he followed your fearful eyes to the man in front of him and his jaw clenched at the sight. he cleared his throat, which caught both yours and the man’s attention. “I’ll have you know, mr. santos, that if you are here to work with me, then you will keep your fucking perverted gaze off of my assistant. she should feel safe in her workplace and if you can’t let that happen, then I’m not afraid to take the matter into my own hands. got it?” seungyoun’s voice dropped a few octaves as he spoke, the man grunting and muttering under his breath. seungyoun looked at you, and said, “sorry for not telling you about this, y/n, he was supposed to come in next week. you can leave if you’re not feeling comfortable, and I’ll call you back once he’s gone.” your shaky gaze went to seungyoun and you nodded, letting a breathy, “thank you” escape your mouth before you briskly exited the room, and headed back. your heart was thumping, and the image of seungyoun speaking to the man in such a harsh manner wasn’t leaving your head. the scene was replaying over and over and before you knew it, you were startled as your phone rang. “the guy left, I made sure of it. you can come back now, if you’d like.” and so you did. the atmosphere in the library was an odd one; you and seungyoun both typed away, tension heavy in the air. “sorry about that,” seungyoun broke the silence. “mr. santos wanted us to hold some money for him here, and I wanted to deal with any legal matters, should he rat us out. he said he was coming in next week, but he happened to be in the city yesterday, and decided to extend his visit. he’s a jackass on his own, but he shouldn’t have made you feel that way. I’m sorry again.” you bit your lip, exhaling before turning to look at seungyoun, and you said, “thank you. I don’t know what you told him, but I had a feeling it was reprimanding him for how he made me feel, so I just wanna thank you for that.” seungyoun looked up at you, and studied your features for what felt like an eternity. finally, as if he came to some conclusion, before getting up from his desk. he approached you and offered you a hand, which you timidly took. he gently pulled you out of your seat and held a strong grip on your hand, leading the way. “where are we going?” you passed your room, and his, and were far from the recording studio. seungyoun reached a door, and when he went past it and turned the lights on, you realized you were in a garage. cars were lined up neatly in two uniform lines. keys hang on a holder by the door, and seungyoun picks one and unlocks a car: it’s a black Maserati, and turns to you and says, “please get into the car. I’ll explain everything to you.” and so you do. you don’t question it because in the weeks you’ve grown to know seungyoun, you’ve also grown to trust him. 

you sit in the passenger seat, watching as seungyoun drives you from the house down a road, for a while. you don’t ask him where you are going, rather you take in the grey, bright sky. “looks like it’s gonna rain,” you hear seungyoun say. you turn to him briefly, your eyes skimming over his features and you reply, “they say that rain is a sign of good luck.” and before he can further the conversation, one drop of water hits the windshield. before another. following another. and then it starts raining, but it’s not the thunderstorm kind of rain, rather it’s the kind that makes you want to turn off the lights, and get into your most comfortable clothes, and take a nap. the urge to fall asleep takes over you faster than you thought, and it seems as though it’s only been a few minutes, but you feel a gentle shake and you hear your name being called. you groggily open your eyes and rub them, adjusting yourself in the seat. “we’re here.” the rain has stopped, although the sky looks about the same as before. you turn your attention to seungyoun, who opens his door. just as your hand reaches out to copy his action, he says, “let me,” then steps out of the car, and walks around to open the door for you. you swing your legs out of the car, and he offers a hand that you take. you walk when seungyoun walks and stop when seungyoun stops. you find that you are standing on a deck, that overlooks a body of water. it’s the kind of deck that the older people will walk on in the early hours of the day, or where grieving people may come, with bags of a couple green bottles. “I come here to clear my head sometimes. I’ve actually been coming here for a few years now; whenever there’s something bothering me, or if there’s any ounce of regret in me, or even just when I need to be alone, I come here,” seungyoun’s voice interrupts your thoughts. he turns just enough to point out the warm grey, wooden bench. “I sit here, and close my eyes, taking it the sounds of the water and feel the breeze against my skin.” and with that, he rotates completely to sit on said bench. he pats a spot next to him for you. you situated yourself next to him, and looked at him, only to find his gaze on you.

“so, what’s on your mind?” you ask, perching your elbow against the bench and leaning your head against your palm. seungyoun hunched his shoulders a little, his head falling in thought before he took a deep breath. “first, promise that you won’t react till the end.” this is the first time you’ve heard seungyoun speak with any nervousness. you nodded, “okay, you’re making me nervous. is everything okay?” a seriousness grows in seungyoun’s gaze, and he breathes out, “I didn’t like the way santos made you feel today. I saw it all. after you left, I taught him a lesson. what I did to him doesn’t matter, but I told him we wouldn’t hold his money and he would need to find someone else. and there’s no way he’ll try to sabotage the gang, because he’s in a very tight place right now. the point is I won’t do business with anyone that I don’t respect, and he lost all my respect the minute he looked at you like a piece of fucking meat.” you tentatively placed your hand on his knee. “I told you earlier, it’s okay,” but seungyoun huffed angrily. “it’s not okay! I would’ve killed him, really. I know you’re strong because you handled the situation well, but me? when it comes to you, y/n, you’re...” and he looked into your eyes, searching for something. “I’m what, seungyoun?” you softly said, moving closer to his face subconsciously. his eyes flickered between holding your gaze and running over your mouth, before he said, “you’re my weakness.” and that’s all it took for him to close the distance between the two of you, pulling you close as he kissed you. you let out a quiet gasp, before your hands went to cup his face. seungyoun pulled you closer by the waist, the bench only making the both of you contort in a weird way, and yeah it was uncomfortable but you both wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else. when the burn started to grow in your lungs, only then did you pull away, breathing hard. your eyes found seungyoun’s and you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him in for a hug, which he gladly reciprocated. “I like you, y/n,” he says into your hair. “you are one of the few people I can truly be myself around, and we had this connection, you know? I know you felt it too, and I have been proven right,” he chuckled as you nudged his hip. “what I’m trying to say is along the line, you’ve made me a happier person, and all I know is that I want you to be around for a long time.” you pulled back to peck his cheek, “I know, seungyoun, because you’ve made me feel the same way. I found myself slowly being more and more gravitated towards you, and I couldn’t have had it another way.” seungyoun smiled genuinely, and brushed the hair away from your forehead, before smirking, “what do you say I take you out tonight, as an official first date?” you grinned widely, “I’d like that a lot.”

a/n: aaand that’s a wrap on seungyoun’s storyline! I have to say, it took me a while to figure out where to go, so I really hope you all like it! since there are only four more left, I will just go in the order that I had originally. unfortunately, i’ve started losing motivation to continue the series quite rapidly, so I don’t know how often updates will be for coterie. and as always, thank you guys for all the love and support you have given this series, and thanks so much for waiting patiently! stay safe!

#coterie by sweetdejun #coterie #cho seungyoun #x1 seungyoun #cho seungyoun fluff #seungyoun fluff #x1 #x1 series #X1 aus #x1 au #x1 fluff #비상: QUANTUM LEAP #x1 quantum leap #quantum leap #quantum leap au #kpop writing #kpop series #kpop fluff #kpop aus #kpop au #sweetdejun

[drkcnry67]

look up... (day 3)

A/N: @obxmermaid​ here is day 3. we find that its tutoring time again, Draco and YN have been spending time together during tutoring and little rendevous’ in the shared quidditch tent, but when the mistletoe grows it sparks joy.

fandom universe: harry potter

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

tags: kiss under the mistletoe, tutoring, making out under the mistletoe, saying the L word without the silencer. 

25 days of hogwarts list

today was the day, you were finally gonna say the L word without the silencer. you and Draco had discussed it for a while now and realized that neither of you cared what happened as long as you both got to be together in the end. 

one day during potions you were sitting paying attention to Snape as he was teaching how to make veritaserum, while Draco a table away from you was staring at you. 

Snape: Mr. Malfoy how long does it take for Veritaserum to mature?

 draco snapped back to look at Snape... 

Draco: a week 

Snape: wrong. lets try another question, what does veritaserum do?

Draco: make the drinker vomit?

Snape: perhaps you would like to be my guinea pig my malfoy and test this brew...

before Snape could finish this sentance, the bell chimed class was over...

Snape: the exam will contain a potion presentation. each of you will have to make a potion of your choosing while i watch... so each of you have to present me with your potion that you picked so i can make sure i have enough of each ingrediant needed for each potion. remember there are a variety of potions out there so i dont want to see repeat potions. Now leave me to grade your pathetic papers.

You grabbed your books and walked towards the door but was stopped when you heard Snape say your name. You went back towards him and Draco.

Yn: yes professor.

Snape: miss YN, can you give Mr Malfoy a recap in your tutoring session of today's lesson obviously he wasn't paying attention.

Yn: I'll make note of that and we will review that professor. Speaking of potions, I'll brew veritaserum for you for my exam professor.

Snape: you sure your up for that Miss YN. its a rather complex potion.

you nod your head.

YN: ive been practicing my potion brewing as part of my prep for the exams. i got this sir.

snape: very well as the first student to approach me with their potion request you have the honor of brewing me this potion. it will be a good accomplishment if you wish to follow my footsteps and become a potions master.

YN: thank you professor, i look forward to brewing this for you. Draco ill see you after supper for tutoring. 

Draco nodded not trusting his own voice as he too left the classroom moving onto where he would see you next. charms led by flitwick, your rivalry with Draco was legend in that class but also was the knowledge among the teachers that you were tutoring Draco. 

Flitwick: take your seats children, today we are gonna be conjouring non verbal spells, our minds can do wonders and our magic helps bring what we want into the light. 

YN: professor what if what we want is something we arent sure we can ever have. like a normal life for example. how would that be depicted. 

Flitwick: it would show itself in the form of 1 flash of what you want from that normal life. miss YN why dont you come up here and show us how its done. 

you nod walking from your seat to stand before the class. you concentrate your minds energy into something not involving you and Draco. you didnt want to get in trouble. 

so you conjored a different dream of yours, one where you were standing in hogwarts as a professor, teaching the students all that you knew. 

flitwick: well done miss YN, i hope one day that dream becomes a reality for you.

you were one of the few people in most of your classes that could comprehend the lessons the professors were trying to teach. your issue was that with everything you knew, there was no loopholes yet pertaining to the forbidden relationship between you and Draco. 

YN: thank you professor. please dont hesitate to ask me for demos anytime. 

flitwick smiled and nodded as Draco was waved at to come forth next. this made you curious about how it made you happy being with Draco in secret. making sure your cousin is not aware of what kind of happiness has befallen you. 

hermione sitting next to you though, felt your current emotion being your cousin makes you shiver.

Hermione: we need to talk cuz. Your giving off huge amounts of lovey dovey energy. Who are you crushing on?

Yn: no one I'm just thinking bout the pretext of my next short story.

Hermione: I can't wait to read it, you sure thats the only thing wrong

Yn: yes that's what it is. I can't wait for class to be over. I have so much to prep before tutoring tonight. I've got 2 temp clients before the only consistent client tonight... 

hermione scoffed as she thought about how you tutor draco every single day.

Hermione: ugh Draco, i dont know how you put up with having to tutor him. i mean he is your greatest rival. 

you had one thing in mind for you to speak but another thing came out instead. 

YN: that rivalry is just for appearances we are actually getting along some what in our sessions. 

Hermione: this is the same guy who has teased me for years... and now you tell me that your rivalry with him is just for appearances. is there anything else you would like to tell me?

YN: i saved his life over the summer. 

you started walking back to your shared dorm. your cousin quickly in pursuit clearly wanting to hear the rest of that story. she cornered you in your dorm, the same spot where she knew you couldnt hide anything. 

hermione: im sorry you saved his life... how?

YN: those last 2 weeks before school when you went to meet ron and harry... dont worry it wasnt anything major i just kinda hid him from his parents. he needed to escape, i helped him do so. its all good. nothing to worry about. 

That's all that needed to be said, your cousin let you go knowing you had a busy schedule. Your last stop for tutoring was the astronomy tower, you were approaching and you could see lights on inside.

You were unsure of who else could be inside, Draco was rarely on time. you approach the door and it opens on its own, you are greeted with a warm candle light glow and the sight of your boyfriend standing in the center of the room.

Draco: right on time. i decided to surprise you for once. 

YN: well you succeeded. 

you said after you shut the door and approached him with a huge smile on your face. his arms now overlapping with your own arms as your hands sit on his waist.

Draco: i have one more surprise for you...

YN: whats that?

Draco: look up love.

you were following draco’s gaze as he slowly looked up. both of you now staring at Mistletoe. it was hanging from the ceiling. for a moment you let your guard drop... it was a happy moment, this was happy for you and for Draco.

 before another word was said you found one cheek cupped in one of your boyfriends hands as his gaze held your own. Draco spoke again before either of you would realize that something ever would be wrong. 

Draco: i love you YN... now and always i am gonna love you no matter what happens. 

thats when he kissed you under the mistletoe. your heart fluttered like a little school girl. you were the one thing that Draco knew he could not live without. 

~to be continued~ 

#obxmermaidholiday

[butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker]

nettlepatchwork...

I'm sorry, this is not a great take. XR has been criticized for encouraging protestors to get arrested, without sufficient concern about the extra risk this poses to black members. BLM protests are organized with this in mind. White protestors are asked to form "human shields." My friends who are EXTREMELY active in the climate movement also have reservations about XR for this reason... of course some - perhaps many - people are using these concerns as an excuse not to get involved in any activism. It's true that people with decry a movement as "problematic" and then sit at home doing nothing. But this post comes across as dismissing real concerns, and suggesting that black people should be willing to risk murder for actions largely organized by white people.

Thank you as ever for disagreement friend, and this is a reply I definitely want to amplify. <3

I had a wall of text written out in reply, but I don’t think it does good to post it. It’s a good response, and I don’t want to detract/distract from it by making it a conversation instead of a statement.

(But i took my meds today, so my “I just have a few thoughts...” second pass is also quite unwieldy)

The critiques I am talking about absolutely implied that activism, as a kind of nice hobby, should be inclusive as a sports club or a band and, therefore, because direct action protest carried greater risks for some people than others, it was exclusionary, and should not be done. I have not encountered the idea that direct action can be consciously better designed by marginalised people for their own needs, and that the context of participating in a white-dominated campaign might produce avoidable problems. This is fantastic (& I’m going to pass the human shield bit on). But, if this is what the other critiques meant to communicate - then that may be a failure of me to understand nuance, or of how it was written. As written, it comes out as...”you should stop doing any form of risky direct action because it excludes people, just like when the local gay book group chooses to meet in a cafe that doesn’t have a ramp”.

& this plays into what modern climate change denial looks like in Europe: “It’s happening, of course, but we can’t do anything about it”, with “do” standing in for everything from green energy, to agriculture, to car culture when you’re talking to powerful people; and then for ordinary folks, like, “of course it’s happening, but you can’t expect me to give up my three holidays abroad every year”, or whatever this looks like on a personal level. “Of course it’s happening, but you can’t expect me to risk adverse confrontations with a bigoted social system”. “Of course it’s happening, but I would prefer to stand in solidarity with marginalised people by not joining your campaign”. “Of course it’s happening, but I can’t join your campaign unless you also campaign on {these other things}”. Some of these complaints are more legit than others, but they all stem from the same sense that climate action is nice to do because we’re good people - but not real, or urgent, at all. It’s not polite to say in Europe that climate change is fake; but no one really behaves as if they believe in it either. And after a while, it does all blur into one big reason why we’re going to kick this down the road so the next government can deal with it.

It’s not positive to be grumpy about things without trying to look for a productive endpoint, so I guess my question back would be...

What can XR do to resolve this issue in future, if experienced white anti-racists and black environmentalists choose not to participate? And what effective - not just performative - steps do we need to take to increase that participation?

Decentralised volunteer campaigns are shaped by the people in the room, and succeed or fail by the efforts of people spotting things that need doing, and getting them done. If you have identified a problem, then decentralised culture relies on you not sitting on the sidelines and complaining, but taking ownership of it. So, the frustration for me is - a great many people making criticisms, which is easy, but none of them then show up at their local group branch and say “I am going to take the lead on making change”. Which is hard work!

I do not believe that a white-dominated group can be effectively anti-racist. For the culture to feel *authentically* diverse, not just nice words, you need large numbers of people there - shaping the culture, the words, the priorities - and also in leadership roles. It can’t be christmas decorations, it can’t be a performance, it certainly can’t be a room full of nice white people talking about racism. It has to be - at its core, innately, organically, rooted in the priorities and language of the minority group in question. You can’t fake a thing like that. It’s in your bones, a feeling of “home”.

I think about this a lot; but it keeps coming back to this chicken and egg. The idea of “don’t expect marginalised people to do the labour of making the space safe; make it safe, then we’ll show up” - I understand why that’s desired, but it isn’t practical. No one else is going to do it as well as people speaking from their own experiences, about their own needs.

So ultimately, if I’ve misunderstood the critique I was whining about, I’m glad to be corrected (& I’m going to talk to some of my folks about maybe getting in contact with BLM for like, some advice on running a demo); but I still don’t know how a group with a majority white presence could *ever* resolve this issue, without black participants taking the lead on our action design. And that comes back to: the importance of narratives being shared and promoted, which seem to have the effect of discouraging participation from the very people most able to resolve it.

But yeah. I sincerely welcome any resources people reading this and rolling their eyes at my bullshit have for improving on this, and especially things that have worked for other campaigns historically because, like. It isn’t just us. Alternatively, high profile environment groups built by people of colour who have a presence in Wales. And above all, of course dear readers, you looking up your local XR chapter and taking on an organising role to work on this issue.

#Midnight on Redacted Street