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#'sorry' doesnt make me feel better LMAO
bowtiestash · 10 months
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god. i watched one ep of helluva boss and i wanna post my thoughts here.
i fucking hated it, man. i unironically find it cringe i really dont wanna be that guy thats like, "ITS CRINGE!!!" but the humor just doesnt click with me (i dont even know if its supposed to be funny).
and the thing about this show that irks me is that the show is Very Adult but it looks to be its targetted for edgy teens. which makes me kinda uncomfortable...?? i honestly dont know how this show is so fuckin popular, man. at least from what i can tell from the first ep, it just made me die inside from how... Overly Edgy and Corny it was.
#its not even that is 'offensive' that makes me uncomfortable#like im sure they want it to be offensive. which is yeah. whatever.#if you like this show im sorry. im sure it gets better ??? maybe#but it just doesnt click with me. i just find it to be Annoying#im not sure how to explain it other than like. cringe teenagers saying shit like 'UWU MY CUTE GENOCIDER'#(ive seen someone like that before online. lmao)#like i GENUINELY cant see anyone past the age of 15 or 16 liking this.#it feels so geared towards teens but at the same time the content is NOT for kids#and it makes me kinda fucking uncomfortable.#also the fact that this show is just floating around on youtube where random ass kids can come across it#doesnt... sit right with me????#i dont wanna sound like a Prude or anything. with the 'THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!' mindset#but i dont think this show is meant to be on youtube. it should be on netflix or some other streaming platform. imo.#anyways . i dont wanna dunk on people and take the moral high ground#by pretending im better than someone if they like the show#i like cringe things too#its just these factors abt it that makes me Uncomfortable as hell#im sure i cant judge the entire show based on one ep but from that one ep i saw i just didnt like it#for the record i didnt care for the other show either. whatsit#the hotel one.#i feel like these shows could be better if they were executed in less of an. 'immature' ??? way#bc the humor does feel immature. Edgy Teen immature.#idk theres smth about it that annoys me and its the way an edgy teen annoys me by hyping themself up or smth#theyre not bad or anything theyre just Annoying. yknow? cause theyre like overly dramatic and shit. and they think people will give a shit#about their edginess. when in actuality most adults think theyre just being annoying#IM SOUNDING SO MEAN TO THOSE KIDS RN#IM SO SORRY IF UR AN EDGY TEEN BUT LIKE. I GENUINELY DONT CARE THAT U FUCKING DONT CARE FOR GORE OR WHATEVER#OOO you want a cookie for that????? you want a cookie for looking at gore websites???? ok. whatever.#skypeaks
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carcinized · 1 year
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feeling of growing into my body is so nice too. god puberty sucked
#i mean i had other stuff too. and so do probably most of my followers bc Trans Things. i never had dysphoria from being trans tho#it was all from discomfort during puberty + depersonalization#so now that both of those have lessened + ive gotten better at managing them. HOLY SHIT ITS NICE#i dont feel ashamed of my body!!! ive achieved complete body neutrality its so fucking awesome#i dont even feel like i need to dress up anymore. nor am i uncomfortable with the idea that someone could find me attractive#bc i understand its not my job to be or not be attractive its just my job to EXIST. other ppl can think whatever they want about me#its SO NICE. i am growing into my life its so lovely.#just a bit of positivity for you guys :] this site (and online spaces in general) can be so negative bc it’s a safe place to ent#so heres a break from that. from someone who struggled heavily w mental illness for multiple years#i don’t want to disclose what or why but it wasnt just quirky depression anxiety etc it was like from real scary shit + near death experienc#<- not to say anxiety & depression don’t suck. what i mean is that it wasn’t quirky ‘omg i have anxiety im so scared of everyone 🥺👉👈’#type shit that every white girl highschooler insists they have. it wasnt just beingn sad cus of high school LMAO#NOT TO DOWNPLAY THAT BUT LIKE. U KNOW THE PPL I MEAN. u dont have anxiety/ocd/depression dude youre just Sad. fairly so but itsnot Disorder#but. from someone who went thru all that. IT GETS BETTER. also if ur like 13-15 ur brain hormones suck and it gets better 100%#like everything feels So Bad but its just uour brain chemicals and i am so sorry uour brain does that. BUT IT GETS BETTER I PROMISE. <3#it doesnt make your struggles easier but you should know that it DOES get better. <3 love u#ok <3 take care guys#tobin talks
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transkojiro · 1 year
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last year i tweeted about how this song gave me bb still-figurin-it-out trans joe vibes and im now getting Very Emotional about this again
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just. the pre-canon trans joeeeee vibes im 😭😭😭😭😭
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the-kipsabian · 2 years
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i also did want to start work today with talking to one of the most difficult, anxiety inducing, entitled customers we’ve ever had!! :)
#im so tired my brain did not register their phone number before picking up and OH BOY#i also like getting yelled at for not providing a service that ive told them. multiple times. depends on volunteers and their free will#i cant force anyone to do anything these are not paid workers they do this out of the kindness of their hearts and during their free time#im paid here but that doesnt mean i can boss them around and order them to do jack shit if they dont want to#and quite frankly knowing how this person is i totally understand why the one person that was almost up to this bailed after calling them#i dont blame them one bit like my god#this person is so entitled. and anything wrong in her life is my fault. and its also my fault for not helping them when i cant literally#do anything about anything i cant magically snap my fingers and make people appear to do shit#im so tired yall sorry i feel like my heads gonna burst#just please let this be the one thing of today i cant handle more than this#even better they cut the call of after being huffy about me not being able to help them (we've had this exact conversation at least five#times now. they still dont believe me) and said they were going to call my employer and make a complaint that im not fit for this job#or doing it properly#yall im getting karen'd shes gonna call the manager#except shes not cause my boss is at her other job she wont answer her personal phone and they most likely called my coworker#who isnt even here yet so i can just double check her phone and be like 'lmao so they called again im so sorry'#as she knows how this person is#sorry i had to vent my brain cant handle anything right now god i just wanted to chill here today ughhhh
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puppyeared · 2 years
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if you complain i am not making enough eye contact you are wrong. i am making intimate indirect eye contact through the tables reflection
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across-stars · 1 year
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what is it about procrastination that completly changes your conception of time...I feel as if something was ages ago, but it was actually just yesterday
...maybe it’s just the procrastinating by doomscrolling
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angeltrapz · 2 years
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do you ever have a day where youre just. feeling like everything is testing you
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alltimewhat · 2 years
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started out as an extremely dedicated stranger things blogger and now im sitting here trying to decide if i want to watch s4 at all :(
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lovecrazedpup · 6 months
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when my friend is at work so i cant cry in call with him !
#ngl i genuinely cant find the energy to cry . im just making issues again man its so fucking stupid . i should just kill myself#he doesnt love me and he never will and hes fucking busy playing games with other people because im constantly crying and upset#and its like he doesnt care !!!!!! who do i even talk to anymore bc this is . awful#im trying so hard . i really am but fuck when everything is going through my mind its just#i just want to apologise forever but i dont know how to show that im actually sorry#like at least my ex was straight forward with how to apologise ?? it was just 'send me photos of your cuts and i know youre sorry'#but obviously i cant do that now LMAO#maybe its better if i just message out my thoughts and send them to him but its also like . its so obvious you dont want to talk to me#me : *nearly crying and about to try and explain why im going to kms* him : awful timing but i need to leave haha i will call you back ???#like im sorry but dont even bother calling me back :)#ive been clean for 8 days . its so pathetic#i dont want to hurt myself but i literally have nothing else to help me#i dont want to be a burden im trying rlly hard to just stop how i feel and im trying to be a perfect girlfriend who is only happy#but i just cant . it is so hard when all im thinking abt is how he hates me and how i mean nothing and how im always going to be worthless#i unironically miss when it was him being upset and talking to me abt it because i wasnt the one being emotional and vulnerable#like i was just there to help and make him feel better lol#i think ill be better after i cut bc thats what happened last time so#whatever we ball#jamie.txt
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having one (1) moment of rest after. gestures vaguely to All Of Today and i really am just that last pic. sprawled out on hotel bed fucking freezing bc its cold in here headphones turned up real loud listenint to smfsd for what must be the 20th time today
#trying not to decompressjon cry because my family is here lmao we r all packed awkwardly into a single hotel room#aughhhghghhj#sorry im oversharinf but ljke. moving fucking sucks btw i hate it so much i get SO anxious not knowing where all of my stuff is#+ i feel like im forgetting things + im getting stress daydreams of one of us either.#a) crashing on the highway and losing everything or b) the back of the uhaul coming undone and all of my stuff spilling across the road#<< i get this literallt every time i moce this is notbing new but like thay doesnt make it suck any less#anyway. oversharing. idk. i wanna play minecrsft but my laptop is in the car >:|#aaughhhhhhh head in fucking hanfs. anyway new fall out boy huh#whats ur favorite song. mine is so much for stardust AND hold me like a grudge#it has not been 24 hours and i have already gotten shit for Showing Symptoms of . whatever tf is in my brain lmao#got real fuckin uh. panic stress angry snf had to walk away from my apt and my parents were sooo annoyed w me lol#but ! imagine this! when i put on my soundproof headphones ans spent like 30 minutes vaccuuming the stairs and not being. pressured#i was suddently. feeling so much better. huh. imagine that#walking arou d all day like i feel like i am going to explode. my mom bejng like what the fuck does that even mean.#digging fingernails into the palsm of my hands and shaking my fists like GIRL I DONT KNOW EITHER I JUST AM#eating my hoodie strings n pulling my fucking hair out its FINE#im FINE this is fine. im going 2 watch new stampede episode in the car tomorrow and nobody can fucking stop.me
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n0ct0urn1quet · 2 years
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pov talking shit abt my sister in vc when my door is ever so slightly open and she probably heard me so now im all embarrassed to go out into the living room out of fear that she'll be like "so what were u talking about in there"
#i want to move out so bad !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate it here#peppr i kno ur gonna b online in 2 seconds i am having thoughts and i WILL make a gaypos in a second im just ohgh. OUghhg!#thers a lot of things i did not say in the vc but only because if i said too much my sister 100% woulda came i n n said something but'#anyways i just . oh i am so frustrated. its not kyle he isnt doing anything its just theres people in my House at all Times Now#and after living on our own for over a year my mom n i were used to it just being me n her and me being home alone all the time#but now theres people here and its genuinely fuicking with my mental state!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#its stressful. its just very very stressful#genuinely i kind of want to come n visit u just for a chance to get out of the hosue i Never Leave The House Anymore Ever#but like kitty seems to be doing . better. kitten's still a bitch n he hisses at kitty a lot but kitty seems to be doing alrite which#makes me feel moer comfy about coming to potentially see u sometime but idk it all depends on my mom and....#its. expensive! we may not be able to rly afford it honestly. but my moms making plans t go visit my brother like This Week so idk#maybe something could work out . but idk man#my mom has been moody late ly bc of rob and also because of russ (shes talking to him aain. i dont know why but i can tell that he#has a completely negative affect on her so idk why she's still trying to fucking make things work out. bc its not gonna fucking work out)#but its just . yeah. moms in a bad mood all the time and i dont think shes' gotten more than like3 hours of sleep a night so. great!#thank you robynne for making us go practically fucking broke i hope you move out soon but i fully expect you to be here til next summer.#fucking grow up lmao#anyways! sure hope she doesnt see this but if she does like the last vent i made about her on my other tumblr a few years back : sorry !#anyways im gonna gaypos now <3 i prommy im in a good mood rn i am just . oh she is just frustrating i want to move out SO bad
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rinhaler · 4 months
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ur stepdad!gojo and uncle nanami fic got me feeling things so much so i felt the need to go into anon to confess bc im just so feral for this idea LMAO
ik ur not taking requests, and this isnt really a request but i just wanna leave this here as a lil tidbit or lil scenario bc ur fics had my mind running and i have nowhere to put it, and you can do with it as you wish, but here:
reader being a camgirl as a way to earn extra money to buy nice shit (should be paying for school but lmao) ofc, this doesnt go unnoticed by stepdaddy gojo and uncle nanami. They question where youre getting the money to buy all this cute shit, and ofc u make up an excuse, but they dont buy it.
gojo or nanami, could be either one, stumble upon your little…. “operation” one night, totally by accident while trying to get their rocks off.
they confront you about it, and perhaps they both tag team you at the same time while youre “working”, on camera for all to see. and you make SO MUCH MONEYfrom just that one night 👀
do with this as you will, just felt the need to drop this here hehe >:3
-simp anon 🐚🩷🍬
BABE I'M SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO ANSWER BC I'M AN IDIOT AND TOTALLY DIDN'T PROCESS THE "THIS ISN'T A REQUEST PART" 😭😭😭
when i tell u when i first got this ask my jaw was on the FLOOR
I honestly don't know which idea I like better? The thought of them both accidentally coming across you doing a show and perving over it is so hot. Maybe Nanami finds it first and doesn't immediately tell your step daddy. He has to jerk off to it first?? He's a little taken aback by how confident you are considering how shy and seemingly innocent you are in person.
And I know Gojo is going to be teasing Nanami about being on a cam girl site.
"How did you find this, huh, Nanami?" completely winding him up with a smirk on his face that Nanami just has to ignore.
You aren't live when he shows your step daddy. He just shows him your profile. They both act clueless when you get home from college, saying your hellos and goodbyes as you go up to your room to study. (meanwhile you're actually just doing your makeup and picking what lingerie to wear to your stream).
They both hang out in the kitchen until your mother goes to bed, telling her they're just having a nightcap before her dear brother hits to road.
And then you're live, the audio playing quietly as you perform. Gojo is so surprised to see you like this but he just can't ignore the tent he feels forming in his pants.
They decide to interrupt your little show, and your viewers take note of how good your acting is! Plus the whole step-cest angle is really hot.
You make the most money you've ever made thanks to them double stuffing you and pumping you with so many loads you can barely see straight 💗
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formulafics · 6 months
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★ MR. ALL AMERICAN | LS2
Scenario: in which max verstappens little sister thought she was doing a good job hiding her relationship from her older brother, but the hard launch isn’t surprising to him.
Pairing: logan sargeant x fem!verstappen!reader
A/N: guys i love logan sargeant sm, and this requests was super cute and fun to make. enjoy!! 🫶🏻
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yn_verstappen
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liked by maxverstappen1, logansargeant, alex_albon, and 201,432 others
yn_verstappen just a late night track walk…plus a silly little picture of max since the max girlies in my comments are begging me for it
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formulamax HELP i feel so called out by the caption
grillthegridddddd slide three? 🤨 who is that yn?
⤷ rizzciardo me thinks logan sargeant
⤷ norrizzlando nah that doesn’t look that much like logan
⤷ sargeantformula IT LOOKS LIKE HIM BUT DOESNT AT THE SAME TIME
⤷ supermax33 maybe it’s max?
maxverstappendefender yn feeding us once more. thank you @/yn_verstappen
⤷ yn_verstappen your welcome 😌
⤷ sargeantformula riddle me this is that logan sargeant? pls answer i have to know
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yn_verstappen
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liked by logansargeant, maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri, and 142,320 others
yn_verstappen just enjoying the view (oh and a beach and logan’s friend is there)
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logansargeant idk i’d say my view was better
⤷ yn_verstappen of course you would (ilysm)
formulasargeant i would kill to know what max’s response to this was LMAOO
⤷ mv33lvr he’s definitely fed up LMAO
oscarpiastri this is not the post i expected from you, yn.
⤷ yn_verstappen i’m sorry i’ll do better
⤷ maxverstappen1 no you won’t
⤷ yn_verstappen yeah youre right i won’t.
*liked by yn_verstappen*
f1girlie YN FEEDING US LOGAN CONTENT 👏 logan girlies please rise
godblessls2 MOTHER IS MOTHERING - thank you for the content, yn
sargeantformula GIRL did you edit logan’s shirt in that soft launch? 😭 you were working hard trying to make it less obvious
⤷ yn_verstappen HELP no one has to know i did that
formulasargeant Who else saw logan’s post of yn
⤷ ynswife BRO SHES SO FINE HELP ME i did not expect to be blessed with yn in a bikini today
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PART TWO
Its 2am have more scar headcannons/imagines
Characters: Razor(platonic), Kaeya, Xiao, Tighnari
Sorry these are probs subpar cuz my writing style varies depending on the bpd mood lmao. Bear with the redundancy of these, there are only so many ways to write the same action.
If youre the anon who sent me an ask im replying to your ask with the inverse you talked about. Stay tuned <3 (its probably gonna take another 6 months but welp)
Not spell checked or proof read sorry lol
Razor (platonic)
Wolf boy has a lot of scars as we can all tell. I feel like he probably doesnt get the point of lotion. Probably says it smells bad, like chemicals. His scars are all really improperly healed. Probably has keloid scars (overproduction of scar tissue). The sheer size of the ones on his arms lead me to believe he never got stitches or bandages of any sort, which makes sense considering his story. Regardless, that shit looks painful lmao. (Lighthearted imagine to start us off)
“Razor!” You yell, damn that kid was way faster than you. You nearly trip over a log as you run after him.
“Razor, stop running dammit.” You continue to shout after him, hoping anything you say might just make him slow down. Lord knows you could never catch up to him.
“It's just lotion. It'll make you feel better!” Your lungs start to sting from the chase and your legs drag behind you. You stop to catch your breath and Razor slows down in front of you.
He approaches you slowly like he's afraid you’ll catch him if he gets too close. “Smells bad,” he says and you all but roll your eyes.
“Sometimes things that are good for us smell bad.” You explain. Razor waits for your breathing to even out before he gets within arms reach of you.
“Like soap?” He says and you laugh at the memory of trying to get him to wash himself with soap instead of the occasional dip in the river.
“Yes, like soap.” You sigh and he frowns. Tentatively he holds out his arm, he looks at you expectantly.
“Finally.” You say under your breath and open the bottle of lotion. You can practically feel Razor's eyes watch your hands cautiously. He doesn't move as you spread some against the skin of his arm.
“Cold.” He comments and you huff a little laugh.
“See.” You say when you finish. “Feels better right?”
Razor finally relaxes and smiles at you. “Yes.”
You're just glad he stopped running.
Kaeya
Not gonna go the obvious way and say his eyepatch because I'm different lmao. I think his knuckles are scarred. I think kaeya seems like the type to cope with his feelings through violence. I think kaeya probably hates himself. When everything gets to be too much he just starts coming out swinging. The kind of person who punches a wall without really thinking about it. But yeah I think he used his fists too much when he was younger and now he wears the fingerless gloves to protect/cover the scars. (Sorry if this is weird or seems ooc, it just makes sense to me idk why)
You first see them when he gets the new outfit in sumeru. Everyone around you seems to disregard them, or maybe just not notice. But you can sense the way he subtly hides the scars, the way he walks with a hand behind his back, one covering the other. Its easy to not notice if you arent always watching closely. Maybe the only reason you noticed was because you seemed to always be staring at him. Kaeya catches you looking more than once and in typical kaeya fashion he deflects with flirting or jokes.
Later, when youve returned home to mondstat you ask him about it and he explains after some persistence.
“Its nothing to be shameful of.” You murmur, a hand holding his, looking at the dry scar tissue.
“Its one thing to have scars from braving a battle, a complete other thing to have them from your own stupidity.” He looks away from you and the eye you can see seems far away. Like he’s recalling something from his past.
“But it wasnt stupid, it was a way to cope. How can anyone think of something like that as not brave?” He doesnt answer you, only frowns slightly, a face youve never seen him make. “Do you atleast take care of them?”
He still doesnt respond. You sigh, exasperated, and pull out your endless bag of goods to find a lotion to help with the dryness.
“What are you doing?” He asks, and you all but cringe at the thought of him not knowing you have to moisturize scars.
“I’m helping you.” You half expect him to make a witty comment but the situation proves to be too heavy and he goes back to staying silent. The whole act goes without words, you spread the lotion over his knuckles, rub it in gently. He doesnt say anything until you slide his gloves back on.
“Thank you.” He says and before you can say anything back he adds, “For your actions and your words.”
You press a kiss to one of his gloved hands. “Your welcome.” You thnk you see his cheeks tint the slightest shade of red before hes back to normal again.
“And here I thought I was the romantic.”
Xiao
I always liked the images of the karmic binds/shackles so I like to imagine his wrists are scarred from straining(?) those too much. I mean considering Xiao is an Adeptus physical wounds wouldn't leave a scar so maybe these more mental-type wounds would. Like the more karmic debt he has the worse the scars get in condition, the less debt the more they fade. Maybe the lotion helps soothe the debt more than anything. Maybe the act of something so comforting and intimate with you lessens the pain. Food for thought I guess.
Every morning, at dawn, Xiao enters a room in Wangshu Inn so his lover can put lotion on his scars. This morning is no different.
“Good morning, Xiao.” You say like always, same pretty smile on your face every day.
“Morning,” Xiao mumbles and frowns as if this isn't his favorite part of the day. He avoids your eyes as he takes off his gloves. As many times as youve seen his wrists, he still gets insecure about them. It's no secret Xiao hates being vulnerable, even around his most trusted companion.
“I saw zhongli yesterday.” You say quietly as he sits down on the bed next to you, lotion in hand. “He was with that harbinger.”
“Tch. Useless scum.” Xiao comments and you laugh.
“He seemed happy, Xiao. Try to be tolerant of his friend.” Xiao just rolls his eyes and rests his arm in your hand. You continue to talk about your day as you open the bottle of lotion and start to spread it out against his wrist.
Xiao stays quiet during this, as he always does. You think he must enjoy your voice because he's always been intent on listening to you speak even if he usually prefers silence. He absorbs your words so soaked in affection and the ache in his body seems to lessen. Pain becomes distant, horrible and intense feelings become easier to push away.
It's over before he realizes it, you've put the lotion away simply holding his hand now, savoring the feeling of his skin against yours. He leans against you and you hum in content.
Maybe this is healing for the both of you. Mutual comfort.
Tighnari
I know a lot of people like the idea of him having scars from getting struck by lightning so i'm just gonna play off of that. Lighting very rarely leaves scars but the scars it does leave are burns. The electricity also causes nerve damage so you'd have to be very gentle and careful when handling tighnari’s scars. They're probably on his neck/back so itd take a lot of trust for him to let you see him so vulnerable. He probably already has lotion he puts on himself but its very hard to reach your own back so eventually he asks you for help.
You've seen him put lotion on his scars many times, watched him wince at the pain of it. You refrain from asking him if he wants your help. Tighnari is independent, he doesn't need anyone's help. But maybe itd be less painful if he didn't have to strain his muscles to reach the scars.
He doesn't say much when he asks the first time. Just tells you to be careful. He starts to list the ingredients of the lotion he's made. How he found it, what the weather was like that day.
No matter how gentle you were he’d still pause in the middle of sentences, and with his back to you, you never saw his winces but you knew they were there.
“Okay,” you say when you've finished and you know he's relieved it's over even if it was a more pleasant experience than him doing it himself.
But he thanks you anyway, and he’ll ask you to do it again the next day.
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serverusslaype · 7 months
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Shameless, pt. 3
snape x professor!reader fic
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Shameless Masterpost
hey yall B) it's time for part 3.. i'm hoping i've done this chapter justice, though i am a little doubtful, only because this was sort of a filler chapter, it doesnt have muchhh plottt.... i just love the hateful/resentful relationship between the reader and snape at the moment, does that make me toxic lmao? :( </3
there is not much else to say, so i hope you enjoy this next part, honestly i have no idea how many parts there is going to be, i'm sort of writing it until i'm happy with what happens sort of thing.
anyway, it's lights out and away we goooo!! (if you get this reference i love u)
The chilly, biting air blew through you like a windstorm as you rushed to catch up with the strawberry-blonde author, the adrenaline that was pumping through you doing most of the work. Without a beat, you reached Lockhart, your hand colliding with his chest as you pushed him into a shadowed area; his back - once again - slamming against the wall with a thud.
A look of shock and complete, utter fear was spread on the Gilderoy's face as you pointed your wand in his sorry face. "As I was saying before, Lockhart," you growled, prodding the tip of your wand into his chest, "If you ever pull that shit again, I will not hesitate to have you removed from this school." You huffed, clenching your jaw. Gods, you could kill him, honestly! "What in the ever sweet-loving hell were you thinking? A student could have been harmed!" You hissed at the man, who had now composed himself. Honestly, you were holding back from hexing him. "Actually, Longbottom almost was!" You added, fire in your eyes.
"I'm sorry, truly, I am." Lockhart said guardedly, watching you with cautious eyes as you stepped back to give him some space. "It wasn't my intention, I promise you-"
"Incompetence is not tolerated at Hogwarts, Lockhart, believe me." You warned him, allowing yourself to calm down a little bit. You might've gotten a little carried away.
"Understandably." Lockhart replied, his eyes flicking between yours and your wand
"I'm glad we have an understanding." You said coldly and gestured for him to leave. If you looked at him again, you were worried you might lose your cool. You'd never gotten so angry with someone before, but placing students in harms way because of a stupid mistake truly pisses you off. It's shameful.
The crunch of Lockhart's boots against the ground faded out into the cold, bitter air as he scurried away. You stood still for a moment to gather yourself and your thoughts, running a stressed hand through your long hair.
"Feel better?" A sudden deep, husky voice came from behind you. You almost jumped out of your skin as you spun around to find Snape, equipped with an amused smirk on his white face as he relished in your fright.
"Bloody hell, Snape!" You scoffed, throwing a hand against your chest. Where did he come from, didn't he leave earlier? Was he following me? You wondered to yourself, a suspicious frown landing on your face. That familiar burning sensation began to creep up onto your cheeks and neck as you looked at him.
"For a Hufflepuff, you're certainly… fiery." The corner of his lips quirked upwards as he clasped his hands behind his back. You swallowed thickly as he stepped towards you, your heart beginning to pound again once more. "Perhaps the sorting hat made a grave mistake all those years ago." He added, articulating each word perfectly, tilting his head at you. You rolled your eyes at him, standing your ground. You refused to let him intimidate you again. You were equals now, and you wanted him to treat you like one. Snape's face twisted into a taunting sneer. "After witnessing your reckless yet, dare I say, impressive outburst, you would have made a fine Slytherin student."
"Oh, what an honour." You groaned sarcastically. What a backhanded… compliment? You weren't sure. Despite your confident facade, you could feel the walls you'd built crumbling as Snape leaned forwards at you, his lips curling into a face of disgust at your reply. "I am not selfish, nor arrogant. I would rather put others before myself." A rush of anxiety washed through you, like you'd just missed a step on the stairs.
"Ah yes, the most obvious downfall of Hufflepuffs. Selflessness." Snape smirked at you. He was clearly enjoying how easy it was to get under your skin and irritate you. Gods, he was driving you crazy, and you honestly didn't want to know whether it was the good or bad way.
Most definitely the latter, let's be serious here. "Ah yes, truly sorry that we also value people other than ourselves." You mocked the Potions Master, secretly desiring a reaction from him. Though, he didn't say anything, he only kept the smug smirk on his lips, his eyes narrowing at you as he studied you. It's like he knew what you wanted and he refused to give it to you.
The silence was deafening, and it was making you squirm underneath his nose. You hated the way he could command a moment perfectly.
"A brave little thing, aren't you?" Snape said. Little thing? Who did he think he was?
"Why did you follow me, Snape?" You questioned him, ignoring his demeaning insult. You were curious as to why he followed you, surely there were better things to do than pursue the Herbology professor. "I was merely curious as to why you took off at such speed." He answered matter-of-factly.
"Hm," You clenched your jaw, "and were you satisfied with your findings?" You asked tauntingly. Your breath hitched as he stepped towards you again, making you step backwards until your back hit the wall. Your chest was quite obviously heaving at this point, and you were doubtful it was to do with your frustration.
The wizard stared at you for a beat, observing your movements. "It doesn't bode well for you to be found reprimanding your colleagues, Professor L/N." Snape simply said, disregarding your previous question
"I believe you would think different, had you seen what I did, Snape." You replied with a frown. "Pixies were flying freely in his class, causing utter chaos and torment to the students- I mean, they'd hung Longbottom by the hood of his cloak on the chandelier!"
"Lockhart will not last here, we both know that, L/N." Snape declared, leaning back slightly, as if to back off from you. The hostility in him was still present, though. "As for Longbottom, I'm not surprised. That boy is always finding himself in perilous situations." He added, glancing to the right momentarily with a look of disgust. He looked back at you, sending your heart into a rapid beat once more. "I suggest you keep your nose out of things that don't concern you."
"Lockhart came to me." You laughed dryly, offended that he'd assumed you were drawn to the drama. "He came to me for help."
"Poor choice, clearly." Snape sneered. You opened your mouth to bite back at him. "However, possibly a smart move. Choosing the faculty fledgling. Easy to use. Though, evidently, Lockhart did not possess the foresight to see that it would backfire on him. He clearly misjudged your… spunky character." He continued, making you snort. He cocked a questioning brow at the noise. "Do not mistake me, I did take pleasure in watching you admonish that blundering fool."
You were shocked to say the least, to actually hear something positive fall from Snape's lips. Did he really just say that? You stood there, dumbfounded, staring up at him.
"You look startled, Professor L/N," The Potions Master smirked down at you. Understandably, you were speechless. "Is it such a foreign concept for you to hear me speak well of you?"
"I'm astounded that you're surprised by that. It's a rare occasion that you dish out positive feedback, let alone compliments. I thought you were more self-aware than this, Snape." You said, feigning confusion. Snape's smugness was soon wiped clean as another more familiar facial expression of his took residence upon his features - a stone-cold glare
You couldn't help the tiny smile that tugged at the corners of your lips, an unusual warmth blooming in your stomach. Yes, you were truly taking pride in successfully insulting Severus Snape - at this point, who wouldn't?
"Touché." Snape glared at you. Another moment of silence passed through you and Snape as you stared each other down. It was weirdly intimate, again. The two of you seemed to be forming a habit of this.
Snape was the first to break. You gasped softly as the Potions Master swiftly swept away from you, his cloak billowing out behind him like a wave that refused to break. You've come to understand that goodbyes are not in Snape's vocabulary.
Watching him walk down the hallway, you presumed to his quarters, you let your head fall back against the wall behind you. A quiet sigh of relief fell from your lips. You weren't sure how long you could keep up this hateful mask to hide your blooming affection for him. It was easier to pretend that you hated him, even though he sometimes did nearly push you to that extreme.
A week or so went by without another close encounter with Snape, and you were surprisingly content with that fact. It gave you time to process everything and most importantly - settle into your new position as the Herbology professor. You'd partially seen him in the Great Hall for breakfast, lunch and dinner, or whilst walking in the hallways but you never evoked a conversation with him. You acknowledged him with a polite nod, but that was it.
After that unorthodox interaction with him in the hallway that night, the hostility had simmered down between you two. Sure, he was bound to say something tongue-in-cheek soon enough, but you'd avoided him because of that risk, and also to do with the fact that your crush on him was truly growing out of your control. You were just hoping he didn't notice.
Today was a Saturday, and it was around ten o'clock or so in the morning. Since you had no classes today, you thought you'd complete an inventory check, to replace and monitor the levels of herbs and other plant bits and bobs you had. You'd just finished four classes worth of grading after starting at eight o'clock, so you were craving something practical, really. The constant repetitiveness of reading the same thing over and over again almost sent you into an eternal slumber. No Wiggenweld or Wideye potion could have saved you.
As you dug through your cabinets in your greenhouse, you noticed some things were missing. "Huh." You muttered to yourself, sitting back on your haunches, observing the storage unit. You leaned forwards and rummaged through it again, assuming you'd miscounted.
No, you weren't wrong. Things were missing.
Billywig stings, Chinese chomping cabbage, dandelion roots, dittany… Your nose scrunched up in slight annoyance as your mind immediately thought of Snape. McGonagall did mention at the beginning of the year that he might snoop through your cabinets and take some ingredients for his Potions classes. You just didn't expect him to take this much.
Luckily for him, you were in a pleasant mood, so you weren't inclined to scold him for stealing from you, but rather just have a word. Not that he'd care if you did choose to berate him.
You sighed as you stood up from kneeling, your hands brushing off your now dusty skirt. Off you go, to the damp and dingy dungeons - not particularly one of your favourite places at Hogwarts. The weather had really changed over the past few days, it was now nearing the end of September, and so the rain and clouds had really started to take hold. As of right now, it was quite dark and dingy outside, the clouds almost black, like a warning to stay inside. You groaned at the depressing sight. Spring was your favourite season of the year, of course, being a Herbologist.
Quickly scurrying out of your greenhouse, across the outside courtyards and towards an entrance to the castle, your hand rose up to protect your head as a drizzle of rain started to fall. Reluctantly making your way to where Professor Snape resided, a rush of anxiety and butterflies stirred in your stomach. Was this a bad idea? Probably. Were you going to turn back? Possibly.
As you neared the spiral staircase down to the dungeons, a sick feeling gathered within you. Almost like a gut feeling. Perhaps this was a bad idea. You stopped in your tracks for a moment, torn between the desire of running away back to your greenhouse, pretending like you had no clue that Snape had been in your greenhouse and taken some things, and the desire of giving him a piece of your mind, respectfully, of course.
You shook your head to yourself, as if to rid your mind of your doubts, and so you carried on downwards, the smell of damp earth and what seemed to be decaying stone, interwoven with fresh moss. It wasn't too pleasant, but it was bearable, and it reeled you back to your time at Hogwarts when you used to travel down here for your Potions classes with none other than the brooding Professor Snape himself.
Your nose scrunched up as you thought back to the amount of times he had berated you in class for messing up such simple instructions, but you just weren't cut out to be a potioneer; Herbology was your calling.
You hesitated on the last step of the stairs, suddenly regretting your idea of paying the Bat a visit. Fuck it, you thought. You needed to establish some sort of boundaries.
A voice pulled you from your thoughts as you halted your body.
"Professor L/N," Snape's recognisable deep baritone rang out in the dark, gloomy hallway of the dungeons. His tone was almost questioning. It was a given, considering you were not a common passer-by in the dungeons. Thinking about it, this was probably your first time down here in a long time. His lips just uttering your name sent a chill down your spine. You cursed yourself for that. You had to squint slightly to spot his tall, broad and black figure in the shadows, partially illuminated by the torchlights hung against the walls.
"Professor Snape," You greeted back awkwardly. He stood straight, face adorned with his usual cold stare, one hand falling from the knob of his classroom door and moving to clasp his other behind his back. He was clearly waiting for you to explain your reasoning as to why you were down here, but you were sure he had inkling as to why. He wasn't stupid. "Erm." Your mind went blank. This was fucking embarrassing.
You glanced up at Snape, watching him tilt his head at you. He was silent. He was obviously enjoying your squirming as you tried to think of something to say to him.
"I've noticed some things missing from my cabinets." You finally said, trying to push aside the waves of embarrassment that were currently flooding your body. "I'm presuming it's you taking the ingredients?" You questioned quietly, avoiding the risk of conflict with Snape again. As much as it's fun to push his buttons, you did not have the energy this morning.
"Good observation." Snape said blankly, stalking towards you slowly. You felt your heart pick up in speed as another rush of anxiety ran through you.
"I appreciate the fact that you need them for your lessons, but I'd also appreciate the fact if you'd at least tell me." You said politely, desperate to keep the conversation calm and somewhat civil, watching nervously as he walked closer to you. You forgot how intimidating he could be when you weren't fueled by adrenaline and rage.
Snape cocked a brow at you, his eyes narrowing a tad as he studied your face. Your eyes were partially widened, lips parted to some degree. It was a very drastic change from the angry one he'd witnessed in the hallway.
"Would you like me to leave you a poem, and a cookie, too?" Snape teased you with a haughty look, purposefully provoking you. A quiet sigh slipped your lips as you rolled your eyes. That familiar mixture of irritation and lust rushed through your body.
"And here I thought we could have a civil conversation." You said bitterly, looking up into his dark, almost black eyes. Your cheeks burned hotter as you stared up at him. Snape was silent for a moment as he watched you. There was that rage again, bubbling inside you.
"How foolish of you." He simply said, that common amused smirk tugging at his lips. You felt your fists ball again, your nails digging painfully into your palms. This was a mistake for sure, you were in such a good mood today, and one visit to Snape had unravelled that. Gods, he was such an ass.
"Clearly." You bit back, venom sizzling in your voice. Snape's brow quirked at your tone, his eyes flicking between yours, as if trying to read your thoughts.
"If you have come to lecture me on my habits, Professor L/N, then you have come in vain." Snape said, looking down at you, observing your restless movements.
"Why? Too far up your own ass to accommodate other people's wishes?" You challenged him, though, you slightly regretted your choice of words almost immediately. Sometimes, you wondered how this man made you lose your temper and the leash on your tongue so easily.
"You are way out of your depth here, L/N." Snape warned you, his voice darkening.
Yeah, you were fully aware of that. Though, being the stubborn person you were, you refused to back down from Snape. This also seemed to be becoming a habit.
"Perhaps," you noted, quirking your lip, "or am I just making a good observation?" The rush of adrenaline pumped through you again, prompting your brave and daring words. You did not want to make an enemy out of Snape, but his rude and unnecessary comments were starting to grate against your patience. A beat of silence passed over the two of you before he spoke again.
"Will that be all, Professor L/N?" Snape glared at you, his patience wearing thin with you. The wizard's voice was harsh, almost biting. Maybe you really did piss him off this time. As much as you wanted to continue throwing insults at him to satisfy your own selfish needs, you should really take this moment to leave. Avoid making things worse, no?
"In truth, no," You shook your head at him, prompting a roll of his eyes. You clenched your jaw at his reaction. "I'd like it if you did actually leave a note or something along those lines to let me know what you've taken and used." You said calmly, trying to avoid another bout of conflict with Snape. The two of you seemed to butt heads constantly, probably due to your rather obvious differences.
"Yes, yes. I'll be sure to do that the next time I require your herbs or plants." Snape replied curtly, seemingly a little tired of this conversation.
Your face quickly twisted into a contortion of shock and confusion.
"…Okay… thank you?" You stumbled, frowning suspiciously at him. So, he just accepts your demand? Like that? Is this what it's like to be treated as an equal? Whatever you could get, you were going to take it. Just bite the bullet and leave, you thought. This was it.
Or was this some sort of mind-fuck?
"Do not thank me." Snape scoffed, his hands still clasped behind his back menacingly. Ah, no, there it was, you thought. 'Thank you' did not exist in his vocabulary either, then?
"So close, yet so far." You muttered amusedly, tilting your head at Snape curiously. You waited for another glare from him for being a smart-arse, but instead, Snape's lips quirked up into a smirk - an amused one at that.
It was a weird interaction. But with Snape, things were going to be weird; he wasn't a normal person. You'd be beating a dead horse if you wanted him to act like an average human being.
In secret, over the past few encounters with you, he'd grown respect to you - albeit a little - but it was enough. Satisfactory. In regards to the tongue-in-cheek, bordering offensive comments that fell from his lips, he only tended to push your buttons because you made it so easy for him, he found it rather entertaining to get under your skin and irritate you. In fact, it was highly amusing to him. For all his time at Hogwarts, it was refreshing to have someone that could keep up with his remarks and keep him on his toes, however annoying you may become. Although, he would never admit that to you… unless poisoned with Veritaserum.
"I have some grading to do." Snape announced, breaking the silence and your train of thought, continuing to stare down at you, inferring that he was indeed leaving now. You swallowed, nodding. The air surrounding you two was… weird, you couldn't put your finger on it. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it also wasn't comfortable.
"Likewise, Snape."
"Severus," he corrected you, narrowing his eyes, "you may call me Severus. We are, after all… colleagues now." Severus said, hesitating like he was almost inclined to say equals. You felt your heart leap into your mouth at the correction and you blinked quickly, a little taken aback at how he had suddenly changed. It was like you'd finally broken through his first defences and possibly earned some sort of respect. Perhaps he was testing you those past times, seeing how far you'd go, seeing if you'd break down and leave Hogwarts because of his relentless and cruel remarks. Nonetheless, you persevered through it and came out on top, despite the probable heightened blood pressure caused by the frustration and stress he gave you.
Still speechless from what he'd said, you stared up at him with big, wide eyes. "I suppose you may call me Y/N." You said quietly, your cheeks beginning to tint pink again from the intense gaze the two of you were holding. There it is, you inwardly groaned as your body betrayed you in front of Severus once again. At this point, there was more chance of you becoming the Minister of Magic than hiding your feelings. It was only going to get worse, you thought helplessly.
Severus tilted his head at you for a moment, observing you before swiftly turning around with a dramatic twirl of his cloak and floating into his office, the door shutting behind him with a heavy thud.
What a start to the year this has been…
ok so there's part 3, i'm not quite sure if i like how it ended, but i'll keep it for now. i do like the part where they exchange first names, sort of like the first bit of them tolerating each other B)
-> next on the agenda, the dueling club scene because that is just too good not to include omg. might change it up a bit tho.. we shall see!
this was lowkey an unintentional enemies to lovers fic i wont lie lmfao
once again thank you for reading, if you enjoyed it please let me know!! 🩷
part 4
taglist:
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@emilynissangtr
@livillain00
@meowskii
@nooneeveryonenoone
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