#'star did you really write this whole post to talk about that au' yes i damn well did

[sugarpea12345]

Remember My Name (Short story inspired by Saintobio)

Hello! This is a little thing I wrote inspired by @saintobio's work. This is directly inspired by they're sincerely yours and sincerely not .

To read and understand this, you must be caught up with sincerely not 's latest chapter (Chapter 8). I would consider this an AU, as I don't know what will happen in the next story. @saintobio 's is heart wrenching, so I had to write my own mini happy ending. Once they update, this whole thing probably won't make much sense lol.

I have received permission from @saintobio to post this

Again, this is directly inspired by @saintobio's work: Sincerely Yours and Sincerely Not.

Word count: 11.8 k

trigger warning: mentions of suicide, mentions of self harm, mentions of cheating, curse words used, angst

_____________________________________________________________

It had been a year since the coparenting arrangement. 

Via emails and business calls, you would arrange weekly pick up times. It was strictly professional. The way you wanted it. Right?

Wrong

You knew that you were being selfish. Maybe you always were. Everyone was right. Sera, Eula, Getou, Satoru’s mom, and Satoru. You were a black hole. You pulled people into your problems and destroyed them. You spent so much of your life fighting to be half the woman your mom was. And you could never be. You knew this now

“Mama!”

Bending down, you opened your arms. Hugging him tightly, you thanked the chauffeur for picking him up from school.

“Hi baby! How’s my little star?”

“Good! School finished early?” It was a statement, but you knew he was asking. Why did you take him out of school early? You really didn’t know. This whole day had felt strange. The air felt heavier. Your fingers felt numb. Something was going to happen and you didn’t want to be alone for it.

“What? My star prefers to be with teachers than with me? You’re making mommy sad!” You playfully nuzzled your head against his cheek and dramatically pouted. 

“I’ll never let you go to school again! Ha HA HA” You laughed evilly as you stood up and spun him

“Nooo!” He screamed between laughing.

After a good second of smiles and laughter, you finally set him down.

“Baby, I took you out of school because I wanted to spend time with you. Mommy is being selfish, so I won’t do this again. School is very important, ok?”

“Hmm… but mommy isn’t selfish. She’s a good mommy!”

You almost burst out in tears. He was too young to see how awful you were. His innocence and love for you blinded him. He would someday see you for the monster you are.

Allowing silence to fill the room, you stared into his eyes. God, those eyes. Your whole world could be found in them. Ruffling his hair, you grabbed the nearby scarf and wrapped it around him. Like any kid he grumbled at the added layers.

“Let’s go get ice cream and have fun today. Ok, baby?”

“Ice Cream! I love ice cream! My friend always, they always like laugh at me but not like mean laughing. But they say it’s so weird to eat ice cream when its winter. They think it’s funny. I think it’s funny too! Is snow different from ice cream? Because there’s like all this ice cream on the floor because it’s all snow. I just grab some sometimes and it doesn’t taste the same!”

As he got older, he has gotten a lot more talkative. He spoke incoherently and in run on sentences, but you understood him, nonetheless. You listened attentively when he would spend 30 minutes telling you about a funny thing his friend said. You listened when he would explain his entire school day the entire dinner. You listened the whole time.

“Yes baby, ice cream is yummy! I’m glad you and your friends laugh a lot. And no baby, snow is not the same as ice cream. Snow is made from the water on the earther getting colder, becoming clouds, and falling down. Remember I was teaching you about the water cycle? Ice cream is made from milk!”

At the mention of the water cycle, Sachiro excitedly launched into another spiel. He talked about the cycle, reexplaining it to you. He talked about how his teacher says he’s smart and how he got a toy. He talked about how his friends always ask him for help. He talked all the way to the ice cream parlor. As soon as you two ordered your ice cream, you settled down. Listening to him talk about his dreams. You always set your phone on Do Not Disturb whenever you are with him. He loved attention. If for one second you were to look away, he would immediately deflate. He was a carbon copy of his father. Sometimes you contemplated getting rid of your phone for this reason.

You spent the rest of the day chasing him through the park: pretending to be a dragon he fought, teaching him how to do cartwheels, looking for bugs. You took as many pictures as you could. Filming his smile, his voice, his eyes. 

The day came to an end, and you carried him on your back to the apartment you were staying in. 

After showering him and singing him a song, you finally took your phone off of DND.

Immediately, you were bombarded with millions of messages from everyone. 20 missed calls from Gen. 11 from Ian. 6 from your dad. 120+ text messages in total. 1 from Gojo.

Was everything ok? Please don’t let something be bad. Please. Please everyone be safe.  You heart beat increased. You were immediately transported to when you received news of Satoru’s accident. When the world learned about you running out of your wedding. When Satoru’s affair came out to the world. When you first got the calls of your mother’s sickness...

No. I can’t be selfish right now. If something happened, I have to be strong. Swallowing your fears, you opened the message you thought was the most important right now

Satoru: I’m sorry

No no no. He can’t do this again. He can’t! No please God no… You were almost about to call him, when you received another message from Gen. She was incessantly messaging you. Accidentally clicking on it, you read her last message

Gen: Please answer. Are you ok?

Now you were confused. Why was she asking if you were ok? You weren’t the victim. Doing some simple sleuthing, you looked at all the previous messages. Your eyes widened. You heart stopped. Tears filled your eyes. Looking over at Sachi, you took in a shaky breath. You had to be strong. Or at least strong enough to leave the room before you broke down. You had to do this for him. Stop being selfish Y/N

Shakily you walked out of his room. Looking back to make sure he was asleep; you closed the door gently. Before falling to your knees and letting all the tears fall. They pooled in the floor. You made sure to be quiet, but you were inconsolable. You hugged yourself tightly. You were being selfish right now. You knew that. But you were alone, and it was dark. It was ok to be selfish right now. Your heart was racing as you consoled yourself.

After half an hour of crying on the floor. You took a deep breath in and stood up. You went to the bathroom and stared at yourself.

“You need to stop being such a selfish monster, Y/N. You can’t keep ruining people. You can’t always be the victim. You need to make amends for everything you’ve done.”

You started your nightly ritual. Tears would occasionally mix in with cleanser or the water, but you didn’t stop. You had to be normal. You had to be happy. You owed everyone that. Sometimes it felt like you were caged behind your smile. Your joy had become a prison: a way to pay off all the bad things you’ve done.

Settling in bed, you grabbed your phone and responded to almost everyone. Finally, you reached Satoru’s message. 

Y/N: No worries! Congratulations! I expect an invitation lol :)

Satoru proposed to Akemi.

(Flash back to a year ago)

After that New York trip, you hated everyone. You hated your dad for pushing you into this marriage. You hated Getou for helping Satoru cheat on you during your marriage, but not understand why you wouldn’t want a baby with Satoru. You hated Satoru’s mom for projecting her self-loathing onto you. You hated your mom for dying. 

Above all else, you hated Satoru for what he did to you. He blamed you for a marriage he agreed to. He gaslit you into staying, knowing your selfless nature would do anything for his forgiveness. Even if that meant being a wife to a man in love. You hated him for taking you to the Bora Bora trip. You hated him for choosing your only friend to date. You hated that you had to go through months of emotional neglect and abuse for him to be kind. Just for Akemi to get it immediately. You hated that he became a better person only after using you. You hated him. You HATED him.

A spiteful part of your heart almost laughed. You were right! All the reasons he loved you, he found in her. You saw all the pictures he had of her. You saw the way he would caress her fingers. You saw him waiting for her. He never loved you! You were just convenient. And that’s why he loved her! Because she was convenient. Had you never sent her to meet him, they wouldn’t have fallen in love. If anything, he would be dating the nurse! Gojo Satoru doesn’t love. He just clings on to what’s closest. 

You spent a month marinating in these thoughts. In the week where you didn’t have Sachiro, you wouldn’t leave the office. You had begun sleeping there. You lost weight. Your face was pale. You were a walking corpse. You got assistants to pick up and drop off Sachiro. You never spoke to Satoru. 

This was to be your life now. After spending three days in the basement of the office creating, cutting, and sowing, Nobara finally convinced you to leave.

“Seriously Y/N, this is the 4th time I’ve had to get you gauze instead of bandages. I know you’re hurt, and I know you’re trying to distract yourself. But this is getting dangerous. Not only for you but for the clothes! We can’t sell anything if it has your blood all over it!” She tried to joke at the end

 As you finished wrapping the gauze around your forearm, you pitifully looked at her. She was so young and innovative. Despite being an intern, you had already set aside a permanent spot in the company for her. Stop burdening her with your problems.

Blinking away your sorrowful expression, you laughed. “Guess I gotta wrap myself in gauze and bandages before getting to work right?”

“Or you could just take a break. Jeez, I never thought workaholic millionaires existed.”

Ruffling her head as you walked towards her. “Thank you for waiting for me. You really didn’t have to. I promise, I won’t take advantage of your kindness. Go ahead and go home, I’ll lock up.”

Stunned, she took a second to respond. Your eyes were different right now. They were vulnerable and sad, but they were so kind at the same time.

“It’s no problem! Really! Thank you Y/N. Let’s work hard together.” Bowing, she made her way out of the store. Maybe you were going to get better?

After cleaning up, you placed the small stuffed bear you were working on in your small bag. Locking the store behind you, you headed towards your apartment. You had made the choice to move out. You were so filled with anger all the time. It would kill you if you were to accidentally lash out against the people you treasured. It was a tough conversation, but you needed space. 

As you walked, you decided last minute to head into a craft store. You needed a simple heart locket. Then you could gift the toy to your son.

With only one mission and energy drinks fueling you, you almost didn’t notice them. It wasn’t until you heard your son’s gleeful laughter did you perk up. Peering through the aisles, you saw him. No, you saw them. They both held your son’s hands as they looked at the toys. Letting go only when he would rush over to the loudest or brightest thing. Finally, he settled on a small plush. It had no lights and didn’t make any noise. They encouraged him to get something more expensive. Something flashier. But he didn’t. He wanted the light pink bunny. 

“It makes me think of mama!”

You saw Satoru and Akemi falter. It seemed that even the mention of your name silenced them. Your heart was beating so loud, you were sure they could hear it too. Leaning down Satoru ruffled his head. 

“Aren’t you a sweet little munchkin! Oh, but look at this!” 

You heart almost stopped. You saw Satoru redirect Satchiro’s attention to a cooler, bigger toy. As any kid would, he dropped the stuffed bunny and ran towards the huge toy. Gojo and Akemi exchanged relieved expressions. After purchasing the toy, they headed out. 

Walking into the aisle, you picked the bunny up. Holding it, you inspected its simplicity. Looking at the face, you realized why the bunny reminded him of you. The bunny had little tear dops in its eyes. Rushing to the cashier, you bought the bunny and the heart locket. It appears that you rushed too fast, as by the time you exited the store, they were still there. 

Sachiro, the spoiled child he was, was throwing a tantrum at having to be put in the car seat. As if he could detect your presence, Satoru immediately looked up. He saw you holding the bunny toy. His eyes filled with guilt and embarrassment. He knew that you were going to be upset. Of course you were. You were always angry at something. Nonetheless, he called you over. You were still the mother of his child.

After seeing the domestic moment in the store, you wanted to go up to them and give them a piece of your mind. You wanted to yell at them at the very least. But no, you walked over to them. Refusing to look up. 

At the mention of your name Sachiro perked up. Although he was already strapped into the seat, he did his best to peek out of the car door.

“Hi Y/N”. the tension was palpable. Choosing to ignore him, you approached Sachiro.

“Hi my little star! How are you? Did you have fun today?”

“Hi mommy! I missed you! Wanna go home! We did a lot of stuff-hmm mommy what are you holding?”

Remembering you were holding the bunny, you quickly hid it behind you back. “Just work stuff baby. I’m happy to hear you had fun! Mommy has to go, but I’ll see you this Sunday, ok baby?”

Giving him a big kiss, you did your best to hug him and said goodbye. 

Without looking up, you thanked Gojo and Akemi and began walking away. As soon as you got home, you set the plush down and pulled out your own. They both looked so ugly in your bandaged hands. Gently setting down the plush bunny, you tightly held onto the bear’s neck. Slowly, the pressure increased, and you were chocking the bear as tears streamed down your face. It was so ugly. This ugly bear in your ugly hands in your ugly home. Everything was so ugly. 

A beep from your phone broke you from this trance. It was from Satoru. 

Satoru: Hey

Satoru: Just wanted to let you know that we meant no harm in not getting him the bunny.

Then why? Why not get him that stupid toy! Sachiro is my kid! I am his mom! If he wanted that toy, then you should have gotten it! You almost wrote everything you thought. But no- no you were wrong. Sachiro wasn’t yours. Satoru had every right to get his son whatever he wanted. You kept Sachiro away from him for three years. You were the bad guy. 

Trembling you came to the realization. Rushing to the bathroom, you stripped yourself of all the clothes and the bandages. You looked at yourself in the mirror. You almost barfed. You were a monster. You were disgusting. Disfigured. Non-human.

Is this how Satoru felt?

The worst part of you were your eyes. They were so dead. Did you always look like this? How could anyone even stand to look at you? You were vile.

You had change. You spiraled into an abyss of anger and resentment. You lost yourself. Where was the sweet girl you once were. Growing a backbone didn’t mean you had to change. After a quick shower filled with tears, you got dressed and headed into the spare room. You spent the rest of the night making a light blue bunny. Unlike the store bought one, this one was smiling. It was happy. Sowing the heart locket onto the chest, you put in a small image of you and Sachiro. 

You had to be better. You had to be kind.

Grabbing the phone, you replied.

Y/N: Thank you for reaching out, but really, I didn’t mind! 

Y/N: Good night!

The next day, you didn’t go to work. Instead, you were at a café, waiting for someone to show up. You felt awful, but you knew this was the best thing to do. You had to be kind. Even if that meant being a villain. If being evil is the price you pay, then you will gladly pay it. Even more people would hate you. Everyone would. But you knew what you were doing was good. You had to be good. 

As soon as he walked in, you knew that he knew. His furrowed brow and tight jaw made it obvious that he was upset. And he had every right to be. Any anger and hate he harbored for you, you would accept.

“Toji, here’s your coffee. I’m so incredibly sorry for calling you at the last minute. I appreciate the time you took out of your day to meet with me”

He didn’t even sit down. He didn’t take the coffee.

Its now or never. Getting on your knees, you placed your hands on the floor and bowed. Your forehead was almost touching the floor. 

“Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being a shoulder to lean on. Thank you for letting me join your family. Thank you for everything Toji. And I am so sorry for not giving you an ounce of it back. I am a selfish monster. I took everything you gave me and more. I was never a good fiancé. I wasn’t even a good friend. I took advantage of your loneliness. I will never forget the time we had together. But I ask you to forget about me. You deserve a more honest person. A person who can give you everything you deserve and more.”

People were looking and many taking pictures. Noticing this, he grabbed you by your arm, and headed out of the café. His grip was strong; it was sure to leave a bruise in your forearm, he nearly threw you into the passenger side of the car, slamming the door. He walked over to his side and began driving. The car was silent. You took refuge in it. You knew what he was going to ask. And you had to lie. You had to make him hate you. 

Soon enough, he parked in a desolate park. He refused to look at you. You didn’t want to look at him either, but you did. You had to. 

After minutes of harrowing silence, he finally spoke in a low voice

“Did you sleep with him?”

You knew he was going to ask this. A tear slid down your cheek. Your hands had begun to bleed as you kept them in closed fists.

“Yes”

He still didn’t look at you.

“Bullshit. You forget that I can see through your lies. I know why you’re doing this. You love him. You never stopped. Even after all the shit he put you through you still want him. Why now? Three years and I wasn’t enough for you. I defend you; I support you... all for what? For you to run back to your abuser. Every time I think your mine, you disrespect me. You humiliate me. You’re doing to me what that fucker did to you.”

“…Yes. I am. That’s why you have to leave me Toji. I can’t stand my reflection. I am so selfish-”

“Shut up. Don’t play the ‘pity me’ card. God, you really are something. The forever victim.”

You stayed quiet. In a perfect world, you would defend yourself. You would tell him that you aren’t trying to be the victim. You never were! You see that now. 

“You’re right.”

“All those fucking articles were right about you. I spent so much time, so much energy telling you they were lies. Turns out strangers know you better than I do. You are a two-timing bitch. You are selfish. You’re insatiable. Why couldn’t I have been enough for you. How the hell was I competing with the man who never loved you? And losing! You deserve nothing, you know that… You never left that room, did you?”

“W-what room?”

“That hospital room. Sure, you’re older now. You’ve been to a million places. But mentally? Mentally, you’re still in that hospital room. There is no cure for your loneliness. Face it Y/N, the problem has and always will be you. If you want to die next to your mom, be my guest. But you need to leave that room Y/N. If not for you, for your kid.”

He stayed quiet. It was your turn to speak. He didn’t want to hear you, but his patient nature told him to give you a chance. Not to defend yourself. But rather explain yourself.

“You’re right Toji. I think that’s why I always look for you. You always have the wisest things to say. And I know that. I’ve let the world pass me by. I have a void in my heart and its rotted me from the inside out. I’ll spend my entire life working for your forgiveness. And my lifetime might not be enough for that. You are everything to me. And that’s why I can’t let myself continue to poison you. I’ve changed you for the worst.”

You two sat in silence. You could hear his uneven breath. Reaching out you put hand on his shoulder. For the first time he turned to look at you. And there he saw it. Your eyes. 

Red and puffy with tears, your face for once didn’t look as haunted as usual. There was always this air of anger around you. Your shoulders were always tense. Eyebrows always furrowed. Not now. You looked younger. Instead of the anger that had clouded your eyes, he could finally see his reflection.

You didn’t look happy per se, but you looked aware. He looked at the hand on his shoulder. Even after everything he said, you were comforting him? This was the old you. The selfless to a fault Y/N. He couldn’t tell if this was a good or bad thing. 

He then noticed the mark on your forearm, already purple. In the shape of his hands. Reaching out he gently caressed the bruises, guilt settling in the pit of his stomach. You grabbed his hand and brought it to your lips. 

“Don’t worry about it. I love you Toji. Please, forget me.”

When the news broke out that you had ended your relationship, Ian did his best to remove a lot of the posts. It was hard since there were so many shots of you on the floor begging for forgiveness. If you didn’t look guilty then, now you did. Why else would you be apologizing? But you didn’t mind. Instead, you focused on removing any article that spoke badly on Toji. Especially after some pictures of you and that hand-print bruise were published. 

Fortunately, your brand had already been established. And while the coverage halted some planned promotions and runways, by the end of the month everything was normal again.

You changed your phone to a flip phone. You did your best to text Satoru about pick up times. Most often he wouldn’t respond. Instead, you would have to call Miwa. On the rare occasion that he did, you would spend the rest of the day crying. You cried so much. You couldn’t help but remember that way they both held Sachiro’s hands. The domestic life you would never provide for him. 

Often you would contemplate if you should have accepted him. Did you really love him? Or was it just easier to love him? You couldn’t trust yourself. Your mind was in ruins. You had no one. Since your change in attitude, people have become nicer to you. But you weren’t happy. And you stopped letting people get close. You even began to push away Gen and Ian. Monthly, you would meet with your dad and that was it.

Was life good? No, but it was better. You would be content if life stayed like this. But now, a year after your failed marriage, Satoru was going to prepare his own.

(Present time)

The day after receiving that message, it was published everywhere. It was the only thing articles were talking about. With the mentions of Satoru’s new marriage, you were put into the spotlight again.

The paparazzi swarmed you. Leaving your house had become difficult. They harassed you. Pushing you while demanding you answer questions. You smiled. You thanked them for their time. You would bid them farewell. It was too dangerous that you could no longer pick your son up. Not that you minded. You didn’t want to see how happy they were. Not until you were done healing at least.

You spent the weekend doing everything Sachiro wanted. Breakfast in bed? Of course. Quick trip to the local festival? Duh. Building a fort? Obviously. 

By the time Sunday night came he was so tired. All he asked was that you sing to him before his dad picked him up. Now you sat with Sachiro’s head on your lap. Normally, a bodyguard would meet you at your door and take your son downstairs as to not garner attention. 

As soon as the knock came, you gently laid his head on couch. Slowly you opened the door, expecting to see the normal guard.

“Thank- oh. Good evening, Satoru. Are you here to pick up Sachiro?”

He looked past you and saw Sachiro sleeping. Letting himself in, he sat on the couch and petted Sachi’s head. After moments of silence, he finally spoke up. 

“Yes, but I also came because I need to talk to you.”

Solemnly, you nodded. “I actually have something to say as well. I was planning to email it later, but if you’re here then we should discuss. Would you like anything?”

Satoru couldn’t help but stare at you. Just a year ago, he had buried the old you. It was his fault he knew that. If you were mean and angry, it was because he made you that way. The damage was irreparable. But here he saw her again. Or at least a glimpse of her. 

Even though he didn’t respond, you still handed him a water bottle.

“Did you want to go first?” 

“Um, yes. I just... I just wanted to apologize for not letting you know. I was planning on calling you, but I got distracted. I’m sorry you had to learn that way.”

“Silly. We all flub up sometimes. I would have appreciated knowing so that I could explain it to Sachiro. Thank you for apologizing.”

Even though you were smiling, he could tell you were sad. Your eyes were distant. It was like you had detached yourself from everyone. Somehow, he already missed that angry Y/N. At least he knew what you were thinking. Now, it felt like when you two had gotten married. How you smiled every time he yelled at you. He expected you would say the “I don’t care what you do with your life” speech and spitefully kick him out. He could sleep well knowing you hated him. But seeing your smile, it felt like he was cheating again. No. No, you asked for him to forget you. This is good. You’re getting better. But is returning to your selfless self better? That’s when you suffered the most. That’s what changed you. 

You didn’t give him much time to think as you started to speak. 

“Satoru, can I ask you for a favor?”

He knew what you were going to say. This nice act can’t last forever. This was the angry Y/N he knew. 

“Can you take care of Sachiro for a couple of months? I know it’s a lot, but I have some... business to take care of. I would take him with me, but I don’t want to separate you from him anymore than I already have.”

Oh? 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll take care of him. I can’t believe you had to ask. He’s my son, of course I will take care of him.”

His tone had changed. He had gotten angry at the mention of the three years. You didn’t react. You just thanked him.

Gojo enjoyed his week with Sachiro and Akemi. It felt like they had a family. This is what he wanted. Sure, you were Sachiro’s real mom, but Akemi was also kind of like a mom. He noticed how well the two got along. He sought comfort in her and laughed with her. Yes. This is good. 

Yet, he couldn’t help but think about you. 

Every time Sachiro offered the first bite of his food to him. Every time Sachiro defended the annoying people at the mall. Every time Sachiro smiled, Satoru saw you. Yes, Sachiro looked exactly like him, but everything about him was you. It was all you.

His heart almost broke when he saw Sachiro singing to his stuffed animals. 

“Hey munchkin. BedTIME!” He joyfully grabbed Sachiro and swung him around the room. Instead of laughing, Sachiro began to pout. 

“No playing at bedtime dada. No”

“Oh, my bad Sachi.” He was a replica of you. 

Satoru sat on the bed as Sachiro headed to the bathroom, pulled out his step stool and began cleaning his face. After finishing his regiment, he waddled back into the room and settled himself into bed. 

“Is dada going to read me a story?”

“Can I sing to you instead munchkin?”

“Hmmm… no thank you dada.”

“Aww you’re a meanie! Um, but actually I need to talk to you about something serious.”

“Mhmm”

“You like Akemi, right? Dada likes her a lot. But it’s very important that you like her.”

“Yesh! Akemi is nice!”

He knew that this was wrong, but he had to ask. “Do you ever think Akemi could be like momma?”

Immediately tears sprouted from the boy’s eyes. He started frantically grabbing and throwing some of his toys. 

“NO! Mommy is Mommy! No one else is mommy! I hate Akemi! I hate her! I want mommy! Mommy!!”

Sachiro was screeching. Gojo was thankful that Akemi was in another room. She really did love Sachiro, and it would have broken her heart to hear him say that.

He held Sachiro close, trying to console him. “Shhh, baby. Daddy didn’t mean that ok? No one will replace mommy. Mommy is all yours.” Sachiro cried until his tears tired him out. No, I can’t tell him. Not today. Maybe Y/N should tell him instead. Sorry Y/N. I’m using your selflessness again. 

Soon enough the week ended, and he passed him back to you. Instead of showing up in person, as he did last time, he sent the bodyguards to take him. He was being cowardly, he knew. But he couldn’t risk Sachiro hating him. It’s your fault their relationship is so weak. It should only be right that it’s your job to explain everything to Sachiro. Right?

Satoru: Hey, I tried to tell him about me and Akemi. He didn’t respond very well. Could you explain it to him?

You almost rolled your eyes at the message. You were being punished. You knew that. But you responded with a simple ‘Ok’ anyway. 

Switch offs happened at night to make sure that each parent spent the majority of the day with Sachiro. You and Sachiro headed to the bathroom and completed your nightly routine all while dancing and occasionally teasing each other. This is what you lived for. Yes, you were lonely all the time. But you weren’t lonely with him. He was your reason to exist. It was going to hurt you being away from him for so long. But this would be good for everyone. This would be your last act of selflessness. This would atone for every bad thing you did.  

By the time you cleaned up all the splashed water, Sachiro was already in bed ready for his song. Instead, you sat on the floor. 

“Hey star boy, I need to talk to you. It’s going to be serious, ok?”

As soon as you finished the sentence, he burst into tears. Hugging you close he shook his head in a no motion.

“NO! I hate her! I hate her! She’s not mommy! Mommy is mommy! Mommy is my star and I’m her star! Not Akemi!”

Confused you held him tight. You cooed and brushed his snow-white hair back. “No Akemi won’t replace me baby.”

He pulled away to look up at you. “Daddy asked me! He asked me if Akemi could be mommy! I said no!”

You sighed dejectedly. This is why it didn’t go well. Your son was naturally altruistic. He would have understood and accepted had Gojo explained everything normally. But it seems that Gojo had made a selfish request. Why is it always my job to clear up Satoru’s name? Why can he be selfish and be the victim, but I can’t? No! No, I can’t think that! I’ve been selfish my whole life! Satoru is a victim. This will all be solved soon…

“My star, he didn’t mean it that way. Listen to me Sachiro. Me and you are a family, right? Me and you were also part of Toji’s family. Sometimes, when you love someone, you can add them to your family. Mommy messed up with Toji, and I’m no longer part of their family. But Satoru has someone he loves. Is it ok for her to join our family?”

You had dumped a lot of information on him. It took a second to process everything. 

“So, we aren’t family with Toji?”

“I’m not baby. But you will always be, ok. That’s how love works. They love you a lot.”

“Are you and daddy family?”

“Yes, we are. You make us a family.”

“But does mommy love daddy?”

You were stumped. This is probably why Satoru didn’t want this conversation. So, you answered honestly.

“Yes, mommy loves daddy.”

“Then why does daddy love Akemi?”

“Love is strange, baby. Sometimes you love people more. And he loves Akemi more. Is that ok?”

He took a second to think

“I guess…”

“Thank you for being so selfless Sachiro.” You stopped to think. “But if you’re ever not okay, then you have to tell someone, ok? Its ok to be selfish too.” You were just projecting, but you knew it was important for him to hear that too.

“Ok?”

“Speaking of being selfish… Mommy is going away for a couple of months.” As expected, he started bawling. He started kicking and throwing. He was loud. He was angry. He was betrayed

“NO! NO! Mommy can’t go! Mommy can’t leave me! She can’t! I’ll be a good boy I promise! I’ll eat every veggie! I won’t cry anymore! Mommy can’t leave!! It’s Akemi’s fault! Her fault! That’s why mommy cries so much! Its daddy too! Mommy never cried!”

You started crying too. All those times you thought you hid your tears he saw. He saw everything. This was the worst-case scenario. You had to leave. You couldn’t let him see you like that anymore. You had to leave that hospital room. Toji was right.

You held onto him. Even when he began to hit you. Even when he rubbed his snot over you. You waited until he calmed down, Silent tears were streaming down his face.

“Can we go back to New York mommy? I hate it here. Daddy is mean to mommy. Mommy cries all the time. Mommy is lonely and sad while Daddy is happy. It’s not ok.”

You wiped his tears away. 

“Sachiro, don’t say that. Mommy is paying the price for being bad. Daddy deserves to be happy. He loves you so so much. Please forget everything bad, Sachiro. Daddy wasn’t mean to me. If he was, I wouldn’t let you stay with him, right? Mommy isn’t lonely. She has you. Mommy will never be sad as long as Sachiro is here. You’re like my superhero! Mommy is struggling and she needs to fix some stuff so she can be a better mommy for you ok, baby? None of this is your fault. I have to go, but I promise you, this will be better for you and for me. I promise with my whole heart. The second I get everything sorted out, I’ll pick you up. This hurts me too, baby. But I need to be a better mommy for you. None of this if your fault. Don’t you ever think that. Hey, to help my little star, I have present for you.”

You stood up and presented him with a white, sleek box. It had beautiful light blue ribbon on it. He held it but refused to open it. 

“I even got myself a present so we could match!”

You pulled out your own white box. Seeing that you both had a present, he was more willing to open his. It was a phone. You had a matching one. You really didn’t want another phone, as you were content with the flip phone you already had. It made ignoring all the evil things people said about you a lot easier to manage. 

“When mommy’s gone, we can call each other all the time. I’ll respond to every text. I’ll answer every phone call. I promise. I won’t be gone for long. But I’ll text you so much you’ll wish I was.”

This garnered a small giggle from him. 

“Don’t worry baby, we have the rest of the week. We’ll do everything you want.”

He nodded glumly. He wasn’t too happy, but he felt a lot better knowing he could reach out to you. 

You slept with him. Holding him close, you did your best to treasure these moments.

When Sunday night finally came, you asked Satoru to pick him up personally. This was a big change, even if it was temporary. You wanted Sachiro to be as relaxed as possible. You and him sat on the couch. You had packed a bunch of his valuables and even some pictures so that he wouldn’t feel so lonely.  He was again on your lap, fighting to stay awake as you ran your fingers through his hair.

The serene moment was disrupted by the loud knocks coming from the door. Expecting to see Satoru you opened the door, only to see Akemi there. You did your best to keep your smile. It wasn’t that you hated her. No, she was your friend at one point to. But an evil part of you knew you could never forgive her. Not for dating Satoru, but for choosing him over your friendship. You told her everything, but because she never experienced it, she could ignore it. That is selfish.  As if you can critique others for being selfish. 

You welcome both of them. Sachiro already stood up, holding the blanket closely. He refused to look at his dad or Akemi. His eyes were already brimming with tears.

Bending down to his level, you caress his face. “It’s ok to cry, my star. But before you do, I have a gift for you.”

Reaching behind the couch, you presented him the light blue bunny you had made. His eyes widened and he squealed in joy Running to hug it he struggled opening the locket. One he did, he looked at you with the biggest smile on his face. He ran and hugged your knees. 

“Whenever you miss mommy, give that bunny a big hug, and I’ll feel it. Have fun with Daddy. You must be a good boy. Call me whenever you want, but I promise to call you every day. Mommy just needs to get some work done and then everything will be back to normal ok?”

After a couple minutes of holding each other, he finally walked over to where Satoru was. He raised his hands asking to be picked up. 

“Thank you, Satoru. Thank you, Akemi. I trust you two will take wonderful care of him.” You bowed at a 90-degree angle. 

“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you leaving?” You hadn’t spoken to Akemi in a while. For a couple months, she stayed employed with you. Yet, after your official break up with Toji, she immediately resigned. You always wondered if she thought you did it because of Satoru. 

Smiling gently you respond, “I’m sorry, I can’t say. It’s nothing crazy, I promise! I just need some time.”

“It’s not because of…”

“Goodness no! I know I haven’t been the most supportive. I’ve been downright awful. I hope both of you forgive me for how I acted. It was selfish and attention seeking. I don’t expect any special invitation, but please know that I support this relationship. I’m glad you two found each other. Truly”

Satoru almost flinched at the words you used. The guilt of you actually believing all the nasty things he said to you weighed heavy on him. He almost regretted bringing Akemi here. If she wasn’t, he would have consoled you. Even if it only would have been a hand on your shoulder. 

The worst part about hearing you subscribe to all his insults was seeing the honesty behind it. You did think you were a terrible person.

Before either of them could say anything, you started ushering them out. 

“You guys must head out now! Sachiro still needs his night routine. He has school tomorrow, and he’s already stayed up so late. If you guys feel like he’s too tired, I don’t mind if he doesn’t go. It’s your call. Thank you both for everything!”

You nearly pushed them out of the apartment. As soon as that door closed, you broke down. This was going to be one of the hardest things you’ve done. But you had to do it. 

Nearly two months have passed. Satoru relished every second he had with his son. He has never felt more like a family than he did now. Everything was perfect. 

If it weren’t for the bunny he carried everywhere. Or the fact that Sachiro couldn’t do anything without having to send his mom a text. Sending a sleepy blurry selfie was more important than getting dressed. He would facetime you every night before going to sleep. There were times where he even ignored Satoru in lieu of sending you a selfie with a filter on top of it.

Satoru heard and saw more of you now, than he did in the last year. 

Even Akemi was getting a little frustrated. 

Yet, Satoru wasn’t just frustrated. He felt guilty. Your presence at the house had become so abundant, that he would often stay in Sachiro’s room just to hear you sing. He did his best to mind his business, but in the cases where he saw the silly selfie you would send back. It would plague his mind for the rest of the day. 

From the few glimpses he got, he could tell that something was changing. You weren’t in the office, or in any modern building it seemed. You were a lot livelier. You were happier?

How could a mom be happier away from her child? He would nearly scoff out loud at the thought. Maybe this was your way of giving him full custody? No there was no way. 

The next day, after sending Sachiro to school, he headed to the office. It was a usual day. He was glad he was able to save the company. He really was going to lose all this over you? No. He loved you. And you didn’t love him. But Akemi did. And his workers needed him.

As he continued working, suddenly Miwa and Nanami both presented themselves. Miwa was always easy to read. She was skittish and nervous. Nanami, on the other hand, was harder to read, but he could tell he was a little unsure as well.  “Nanami! Miwa! What bring you in here? I reviewed my schedule already. Is there something I missed?”

Miwa cracked first. “Um... Mr. Gojo, have you been in contact with Ms. Y/N recently?”

“She calls Sachiro nearly every day. Did something happen?”

“Well, have you been in contact in the last hour?”

“Miwa may you please get to the point?”

Nervously, she looked up at Nanami. Sighing and pushing his glasses up, he handed Satoru the iPad. “None of this means anything. And if something did happen, it is not your responsibility. It’s just rather strange.”

Gojo looked over the screen. In big bold letters there it was:

Y/N STEPS DOWN FROM HEARTS COMPANY. 

Y/N SELLS OVER A MILLION IN STOCKS

HEARTES INTRODUCES NEW CEO AND CREATIVE DESIGNER

Y/N RESIGNS FROM COMPANY

Y/N’S APARTMENT UP FOR SALE?!

Gojo looked at the headlines frantically. He knew what all this was implying. Yet, he needed verification. He couldn’t fathom the thought that you would have… No there’s no way. You have Sachiro. You wouldn’t do this.

“Um... what exactly does this have to do with me Nanami?”

“It means nothing. It seems that Y/N has done some irrational choices that garnered some attention from the media. That’s all this is. Unfortunately, you know how convoluted your history is with her. Some people might assume that since she’s acting out in such an illogical and hysterical manner, that she may be going through a manic episode. A manic episode that may precede…” Nanami couldn’t finish the sentence. 

His heart was beating. No, there’s no way you could be gone. No. No. You made a promise! You promised to return for Sachiro. Right Sachiro. That’s why Gojo is feeling so bothered and anxious. He’s worried for the mother of his child, that’s all. 

“I think… I think I’ll head home. If she has been in contact with anyone, it would be my son. Thank you for letting me know.”

As he made his way to the car, he couldn’t help but speed. He needed to make sure you were ok... for the sake of Sachiro.

On the way, he received a phone call from Akemi. Normally, he would have pulled over and answered her. But not today. He drove, breaking most speed laws all the way home. He barely turned his car off as he rushed the door. Yet, as he got to the door, he found a box. It was for Sachiro Gojo. Without hesitation, he looked at the sender’s address in the corner and typed it in. It was a two-hour drive, but he didn’t care. This box didn’t prove anything. You must have sent it days ago. If you had planned to do this all at once that meant only one thing. You were planning to commit. There was no other option. With only this one mission fueling him, he unknowingly kept ignoring Akemi’s calls

After an hour and a half of driving, Gojo started to notice his surroundings. This was an older city. There were multiple shrines and elders. There were very few cars. A lot of cats.  This was weird. He continued following the GPS. He passed the city and made his way up the mountainous region. By 5 pm. He had reached an isolated house on top of the hills. The land was relatively flat once he got up there. There was an impressive house. It looked new. The house wasn’t a mansion, but it was still large. The lights in what he assumed the kitchen were on. Hesitantly, he knocked.

Soon enough someone opened the door. No, not someone, you did

There stood you. You looked younger, happier, kinder. Unlike last time, your happiness didn’t feel like a mask. It felt genuine. He couldn’t marinate in his confusion as you grabbed his hand and pulled him in. 

“Hi Gojo! I’m shocked to see you here! Come in! Let me get you a lemonade. It must have been a long drive.”

You sat him down on your couch. He couldn’t help but think about that mansion. The one where you were supposed to start and raise a family. This one was a lot cozier, with the architecture of it being rounder in a way. It felt like a cottage despite its massive size. There were a lot of plants. On the walls were framed pictures. Mostly of Sachiro. A lot were ones he’s never seen. There were a lot of selfies of you two. And hidden between all of them was that Disneyland photo. It was when he had amnesia. When he thought you were cheating. Before he knew of all your lies. That instantly ruined his mood. 

Placing a coaster, you set his drink down. He couldn’t help but notice that the coasters were made with images of Sachiro’s drawings. 

“The lemonade is rather tart since the lemons are homegrown. So, I went ahead and added a bit of sugar. But here’s some more if you like. I don’t know if you still have the same sweet tooth. So, if I put too much sugar, let me know! I’ll get you another cup!” You set down a jar with sugar. You were so talkative. The last time you spoke this much with him was when you were kids. 

He didn’t move. Noticing his discomfort, you kept talking. “I was going to call you tomorrow. But I’m glad to see you. Did you come alone?”

“Y/N, I thought you committed suicide.”

You deflated slightly. Somberly you looked around the room. With a gentle smile, you looked at him. It was like you had puppy dog eyes. He could get lost in them. It had been a year since he was attracted to you, but he couldn’t help but want to lean closer to you. To breathe your air. He stopped himself in time

“It all happened kinda fast right? I was hoping that by doing it all at once, it would be like ripping the band aid off, y’know? People are bound to talk, so instead of doing it slowly and reigniting interest in my life every couple of weeks, I thought it would be easier if I just made one big splash and let the water settle from there.”

It felt like he was in a different dimension. You spoke so casually to him. It almost felt like he was the weird one. In disbelief, he stayed quiet.

Taking a deep breath, you continued. “Honestly, I did plan to. To commit suicide, I mean.  So, I guess you weren’t completely wrong.”

He stared at you. How you casually admitted to your suicidal ideations.

“What? You can’t be the only one to be suicidal right?” You joked, hoping to ease the tension. It did the exact opposite. 

“Y/N I need you to fucking explain everything. No jokes”

Your gaze hardened. “Gojo, you do not disrespect me in my house. I have welcomed you because you are my child’s father, but I will forbid you from coming here again if you speak to me like that again.”

He remained silent but nodded. It was weird. You definitely had grown a backbone since he last saw you in your apartment. Just a couple months ago, you looked like the submissive, docile, doormat you once were. But now? Now you confident and strong without sacrificing your trusting and selfless nature. You were a perfect blend of your youth and your experience. 

“This is my way of asking for forgiveness. From everyone. I’ve done a lot of awful things. Since that New York trip, I became vindictive. I became evil. I didn’t know why. How could I be jealous that the man I encouraged to move on moved on? I was changing Satoru. I had thought that being mean and cold was a way to protect myself. But in reality, I had gotten worse. I couldn’t stand my reflection. Then, I saw you Akemi and my star at the store. You remember right? With the pink bunny? You all looked so happy. It was the life Sachiro deserved. I went home and saw myself. Really saw myself. I couldn’t recognize who that person in the mirror was. Since then, I was determined to seek forgiveness from everyone I wronged. My first thought was to kill myself. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to my star. Even now, I find myself fantasizing about just jumping off that cliff… I even planted flowers there so whenever Sachiro visited, he would feel safe. But I can’t. That’s why I have all these photos and drawings of him. If I keep thinking of him, I’ll never have time to contemplate killing myself.”

Gojo couldn’t stop his eyes from watering. He almost reached out to grab your hands. He closed his hands harshly, forcing himself not to move. “But Y/N... you didn’t do anything wrong. I mean, you have done wrong. But we all have. You shouldn’t have to punish yourself for existing.”

Always and empath, you leaned forward and placed a cute octopus squishy in his hands. He quietly accepted it, showing the indents his nails made on palm “You don’t want to accidentally cut yourself. I learned that a little too late.” You laughed gently as you showed him your own palm. There were small scars in the shape of your nails. 

Holding the squishy in one hand, he used the other hand to inspect your hand. They were different. It was obvious that you still took care of your hands: soft, supple, perfect nail beds, trimmed nails. But upon further inspection, he could see multiple scars littering your fingers. His gaze drifted upwards to your forearm. There he saw some bigger scars. Some still scabbing. He could feel his own scar throb at the memory of the pain. Gojo couldn’t stop himself as some tears fell out. He couldn’t stop himself from tracing their outline.

“Why- why would you do this? You were alone the whole time? Then why? Y/N I don’t understand you? You were going to…”

He was interrupted by your melodious laughter. You pulled your hand away. “You’re too sweet Gojo. No. No these aren’t what you think they are. It’s just some office mistakes. I jumped into my work to fill that void of loneliness. But you know, it’s pretty dangerous to be handling sharp rotary cutters when you haven’t slept for days.” 

Grabbing his hand, you pulled him up. “Let’s go for a walk!”

Leading him to the back door, her couldn’t help but stare at your interlinked hands. The tips of his ears turned pink. He felt so young right now. No. No I can’t think like that. 

The back yard was like a Ghibli fantasy forest. It had plenty of lush green plants and flowers growing everywhere. In a corner there was a cute gazebo with two easels ready. One noticibly smaller than the other. There were plenty of trees a reasonable distance from the house. They provided a nice area of shade. Some grew peaches, others grew limes.  A stone path led to another corner where a sand pit was already set up. The entire perimeter was protected with a gorgeous white fence. Tall enough that Sachiro wouldn’t be possible to scale it. There was one exit. You headed there still holding Gojo’s hand. Typing in a security code, the door opened, and you headed into the forest. After a 5-minute walk, the forest cleared and presented a cliff side. Undoubtedly it was gorgeous. The ocean was beautiful. Flowers and clovers surrounded the area. 

He didn’t realize how much time had passed until he saw that the sun was setting. You let go of his hand and sat down, resting your head on your knees. You always had that curious habit of returning to a fetal position. Settling next to you, he couldn’t stop himself from looking at you. You looked ethereal. With the sun in your face, the wind in your hair. There was a gentle smile playing on your lips as you stared at the ocean. 

“Gojo…”

He couldn’t help but squish the little octopus. He didn’t know why it hurt him to hear you call him only by his last name.

“I disagree with what you said earlier. I should be punished for my existence. I’ve done nothing good. Born into a life of luxury, and I still managed to want more… When Toji broke up with me, he told me something very valuable. He told me that I was stuck in my mother’s hospital room. That I never left. And he’s right. Ever since my mom died, I became a walking corpse. I cursed myself with eternal loneliness. And yet, I so wanted to fight that loneliness. So when my father mentioned the marriage, I was ecstatic. Although we haven’t spoken in years and you refused to answer any messages I sent, my loneliness convinced me that you wanted it. I mean technically you did, but you didn’t really want it. I wonder, if I had never accepted that proposal, would you still be with Sera? Would any of this happened?”

The wind filled in for Gojo’s silence.

“My selfishness blinded me. I so badly wanted to be loved that I ignored any sign of resistance. Even when you told me that I would never compare to her, I wanted you to change for me. How pretentious. Had I just given up, then maybe you wouldn’t have thought that you loved me. When you couldn’t vanquish my loneliness, I searched for it in Toji. I abused his friendship just so that I wouldn’t be alone. When I figured out the real reason you married me, the reason you bought that house, the betrayal. That almost killed me Gojo. Imagine that. Even at my lowest I couldn’t stop seeking attention. I put myself over you, as usual. I lied and kept you from your child. I shouldn’t have been so selfish. It was okay that you didn’t love me. As long as you loved our child. But no selfish Y/N strikes again. Then, even though I knew I wasn’t ready, I still accepted when Toji proposed. I’m a monster. Just a year ago, I almost lost it. I was becoming unrecognizable Gojo. I couldn’t look at you and Akemi without getting angry. How was it fair, that I had to go through months of humiliation, which in hindsight, I did deserve, just for her to get the perfect boyfriend. I cried for months before you even held me. The first time we had sex, I had to beg you to kiss me. I hated her and I hated you. But that’s not your fault. Nor is it her’s. It’s mine. If I wasn’t so selfish and I didn’t think you loved me then none of this would have happened. I ruined so many lives because I couldn’t see past myself. If I didn’t use people to fill this abyss I have in my heart, I wouldn’t have caused you to almost commit suicide. I wouldn’t have taken Sera’s boyfriend from her. I wouldn’t have wasted Toji’s time. I wouldn’t have hurt your mom. None of this would have happened. I should have stayed in that hospital room. I should have asked them to bury me with her.”

You were crying now. Your hands shaky as they gripped tighter. You were curling in on yourself, wanting to disappear. 

“If I hadn’t been so awful, Sachiro wouldn’t have seen me cry so much.”

Gojo’s heart broke. All those lies. All those insults. You believed them. No. No you weren’t selfish. You were the opposite. You always put other above yourself, even if it hurt you. Of course, you’ve committed your share of sins, but never maliciously. You were too trusting, too eager to please. And to think he didn’t love you? That nearly shattered him. He may have moved on, but the love he had for you was real. Even though he may have forgotten how to love you: even though he may have abused you: even though he didn’t deserve to love you, he has never stopped loving you since you were young. 

He reached out a hand to soothe your back as you hiccupped through your gentle tears. You had a special charm that made everything you did look beautiful. But he paused seeing how stunning you were despite the tears on your face. He almost kissed you. But he didn’t. Not because he held himself back, but because he saw your eyes. 

As you stared into the ocean, your eyes changed from their vulnerable and kind state to a detached, disconnected gaze. Almost like you were hypnotized by the sea. The waves calling you. It was the same gaze he had when he was suicidal. 

“After seeing you at the store, I realized that I needed to atone for my sins. I needed to seek forgiveness. That night was actually the night I realized I needed to commit suicide. Not to ease my own pain, no that’s a selfish reason. I wanted to commit suicide so that everyone’s bad thoughts, everyone’s problems, and every bad thing I did could die with me. If everyone took turns spitting on my grave, I wouldn’t mind. As long as I was no longer causing problems, it would have been worth it. I spent the whole night making a new stuffed animal for him. I cut myself a lot by accident, but I didn’t mind. That was going to be his last gift. My existence is a mistake. Me dying would be a gift to the world.”

“And?”

“And I clearly decided not to. I owe my life to Sachiro. As long as he needs me, I will live for him. I want to die, Gojo. I want to give everyone the life they had before they met me. I want everyone to be happy again. But I can’t. Because I have my little star. I’m evil Gojo. I’m a black hole. I pull people in, only to destroy them. I’m afraid one day I might do that to him too.”

You turned to look at him, tears streaming down your face. 

“It kills me to know that one day I’ll hurt him too. But he loves me so much. He fills the void in my heart. I’m not lonely when I’m with him and I know its selfish, but the way he looks at me... The way he looks at me almost makes me think I’m a good person.”

Gojo continued staring at you. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Hearing you talk about yourself this way hurt him immensely. It almost felt like he was drowning. No, you didn’t get better. None of your problems were solved. You just learned to live with them. 

You leaned close to Gojo. The honesty in your eyes almost scared him. “Gojo, if you ever notice that Sachiro is suffering being with me, I need you to tell me. The second I start poisoning him, I’ll kill myself.”

The conviction behind your words paralyzed him. You two sat there for a minute. He didn’t know what to say. He knew what this felt like. He knew the exact emotions you were drowning in. But he couldn’t help but think that you were a lot worse. You have begun to hate your entire existence. You had no one. The amount of self-hate you had was shocking. 

After a couple minutes of silence, you wiped your tears away. Standing up you offered your hand to him. 

Looking at you now, it felt like he was in an alternate dimension. One where he confessed when he was younger. One where he never met Sera. One when he got on a knee and properly proposed. And he almost believed it. Just as he reached to grab your hand, he finally noticed how his phone was ringing. Looking down he saw Akemi’s number. He looked at you apologetically. You smiled kindly and continued to offer your hand. As his bigger hand enveloped yours, he imagined pulling you in close and kissing you in the sunset. Just like the romance novels you loved. As soon as he stood up, though, you released his hand. Walking past him you headed back to you house. 

You were giving him privacy. He was at crossroads; stay here and answer the phone or chase after you. All those times he didn’t. Maybe he should this time. No. He’s going to get married. He’s made his choice. And like usual, he didn’t chase after you. 

He spent some time with Akemi on the phone. He explained the entire situation to her. He omitted everything you told him, though. That was for him only. He calmed her down and promised he would be home by the end of the night.

Walking back to your house, he smelled the pasta you used to love so much. You only ever cooked it for him once. He saw you humming as you stirred the pasta with the sauce. 

“Y/N, I’m going to head out now. Akemi is worried. You should call your family too. They’re probably worried too.”

You turned to him. You looked like a picture-perfect housewife with the apron you had on. You hummed in agreement. 

“They already know, but thank you for the suggestion. It was nice seeing you. Would you like some food to take for the trip?”

He should say no. There’s no way to explain leaving work to spend the whole day with your ex-wife to your fiancé. Much less if he brought food with him. 

“Sure.”

You packed it into some cute tupperware. It had little duckies on the lids. He just realized how much you changed financially as well. Besides the large house, one would never assume you came from wealth. There was very little name brand stuff. A lot of the decorations were local. 

Noticing his curious gaze as you handed the Tupperware to him, you giggled.

“If we see each other again, feel free to ask any questions. We’ve both changed a lot. I hope next time you talk a bit more. I kinda hogged the whole conversation today huh?”

You walked him to the door and waved him goodbye. 

He spent the next two hours just re-living that time. Already he missed being in your house. He could already imagine you, him, and Sachiro painting outside or going to the local city for festivals. Despite all the heartbreaking things you told him, all the awful things you thought of yourself, you managed to make a sanctuary. It was always in your nature to find the silver lining in every circumstance. You obviously needed a therapist. But a selfish part of him was glad that he was your confidante. As far as he was concerned, only he knew of how you felt, where you lived, why you did what you did. It was like you were still his.

As soon as he recognized these thoughts, he pulled over. There is no way he can think like that. No that would be unfair to Akemi. He’s already hurt you so much. He pushed you to the point of trauma. He changed you. Even now, the scars of hos he treated you were present. Everything you thought was because he had told you it at one point. No. He couldn’t do all that to Akemi either. 

Grabbing the cute Tupperware with the pasta, he almost threw it out. 

Instead, he took a second to look at it. It was two big ducks and little baby one. You had used a ribbon to tie some utensils on the top. Everything your hands made had some care and love imbued into it. Opening it, he aggressively ate it all. It was delicious, as expected. While he ate, he started crying. Why? Why did seeing you like that hurt him so much? Why did he use Akemi’s name instead of calling her his fiancé? Why didn’t he hold you as you cried? Why do you use his last name? Why?

He drove home that night. He kissed Akemi before she could even greet him. She immediately melted into the kiss, even if she was still peeved at being ghosted the whole day. He playfully pleaded for her to forgive him. He smiled. He laughed. But for some reason her couldn’t look her in the eyes like he used to. A part of him wished it was you he was holding. 

He went to Sachiro’s room. It was messier than usual. He noticed a bunch of crocheted toys he had never seen before. I guess that’s what was in the box. He reached his son, and he stopped to stare at him. Sachiro was holding two things as he slept. The bunny, per usual, but also a note. In big letters Gojo could make out Momma’s Ready! Sachiro was still learning to read, so you hadn’t written much. Still, just seeing those two letters had excited Sachiro so much that he slept with it. On his little tummy laid the phone. Close to dead, Gojo picked it up to charge it. There he saw that Sachiro had been listening to a video you recorded of yourself singing to him. Oh right. Since you had spent the whole evening with Gojo, you couldn’t call Sachiro. 

For a reason Gojo couldn’t explain, he sent the video to his own phone. He plugged the phone in and walked out of the room. 

Akemi had already headed to their own room. Before Gojo could, he had to organize some stuff.

“Hello, I know its late. I’m just letting you know not to pick up Sachiro tomorrow. I’ll handle the drop off.”

Gojo had to see you. Just for answers. He just wanted you to explain yourself. That’s all

At least that’s what he told himself. But when he slept that night, he dreamt of living in that house with you. He dreamt of cooking breakfast for Sachiro and you. He dreamt of a world where you were his. 

#gojo x reader #gojo angst #gojou satoru x reader #oneshot

[millerscoffee]

dancing is a dangerous game | part one

you're a bandit like me, eyes full of stars.

5.5k | joel miller x f!reader

masterlist

rating: 18+ MDNI

tw: brief mentions of using your body for trading purposes, you shoot at joel miller????, light dub-con but that goes away quickly

warnings: post-outbreak au. no ellie. angsty smut, semi-dom!reader and dom!joel so that's fun, power struggle, age gap (joel is 56, reader is late 20s or early 30s), enemies to lovers, voyeurism (f watching m), masturbation (m and f), pet names/degrading names (baby, honey, darlin', brat, bitch, slut, etc.), dirty talk, choking, oral (m receiving), fingering, spanking, p in v (unprotected - wrap it up folks), joel is mean but not unkind. no use of y/n.

summary: inspired by "cowboy by me" by our lord and savior taylor swift. this is a post-outbreak world and joel has his own land. think bill, but a little less... deranged. kind of. you essentially are a raider, but make it fashion. when you stalk joel's cabin for the third day, that's when you get interrogated by none other than joel miller himself.

A/N: hi, i'm bee! this is my first fic on tumblr, and my first stab at this whole stratosphere. longtime listener; first time caller 💅. i was ALSO inspired by an ask i saw on @swiftispunk's page (hi! i love your writing sm??) and kinda just... ran with it. i honestly wasn't anticipating writing stuff during the outbreak, so i apologise if it's not quite right. imagine me living during that time with a tube of lipgloss and one (1) bullet in my pocket just in case. this... may be a series. i don't know yet. see ya! enjoy!!!

The first time you meet Joel Miller is down the barrel of your gun.

You can hear your father's voice telling you 'Back out, girl. Don't get too big for your britches.' Look where that got him. His ashes against your chest in a makeshift pendant necklace, buried by your clothes.

Still, you listen.

"It don't have to be like this," you drawl with index over the trigger guard. You've heard of him. Joel Miller. He's notorious, and even though you've kept to yourself most of your life, his name still roamed throughout the abandoned towns you passed. Someone always owed him, and he always owed somebody.

Your dad would've been older than him, but not by much. You knew of the world before this, was just a little thing. Still, you heard stories undulate from your father's southern voice that mostly left you bored on long days searching for food or shelter. You'd give anything to hear them now.

Part of you died when he did.

You were young when the outbreak happened. Resourceful, your father made it work in raising you. Taught you how to fend for yourself, rely on no one. Which was no easy feat considering how unbelievably stubborn you were. Were? Are.

Maybe he loved you. Maybe it was the chip on his shoulder. The kind of anguish that comes from not being able to give your mother the same kind of life. A promise to her.

Yes, you were young when the outbreak happened, but flashbacks of her getting attacked by a clicker burn you alive at night.

"Y'er on my land." A gruff voice calls you back to reality. Few words for someone who held your life in his hands. His own gun pointing back at you. Of course it would be.

"I was just passin' through." The lie flies through your teeth. You had been circling the place from a reasonable distance for a few days now. Scoping out when this man in front of you was his busiest, when he patrolled, when he slept. This was a heist situation, no doubt about it.

"Bullshit. This s'the third fuckin' time I seen you 'round here. And it's y'er last."

Shit. Fucking shit.

Your eyes dart to the side, really trying to pattern a plan in escaping but your breathing would say otherwise as calm and collected as it was.

In any other situation, you wouldn't be so willing to comply, but considering he's got you cornered and his gun is quite literally cocked and ready to go – you're not exactly in the position to make hasty decisions.

Goddammit if there wasn't something about him that made you nervous.

"Listen. Just was lookin' for somewhere to sleep. It's fuckin' cold and your stables look warm." Your head tilts in the direction of a lone horse's home in a bed of hay, and you're not fully lying. It's not that you have set up camp by any means, but you've noticed.

"We could trade. You give me y'er ammo, and I g–"

"You give me your cock, I get it. You really could be more original." You were used to this. Bartering, some might call it. Living out here on your own was dangerous, and running into men who wanted to use your body in order to get supplies wasn't that uncommon. If they were that kind, even. You'd heard the horror stories.

Albeit, most of these men met your gun in the end. Enabling you acquire their supplies, keep all yours, and your dignity. Win/win.

"...I give you the pleasure of livin' another day. Really? Y'think it's that easy?"

There was something in the way Joel says this that makes you grateful for the jacket you're wearing. Goosebumps prickle your skin, bile creeping up your throat and you will it back down again. Y'think it's that easy? As if he thought you wanted it.

If circumstances were different, you'd be rubbing the crimson off your cheeks. Flashing him a sheepish grin in an attempt to resolve whatever misunderstanding there was... but this wasn't the environment to elicit such conversation.

And you weren't that type of person to begin with.

Instead, your index sweeps from guard to trigger when you fire off at his leg. Hasty decisions be damned. You're quicker than him, so why're you tryin' to save him? You're a 'shoot to kill' type of person, and as the bullet grazes past his calf – part of you wishes you had.

Because not only did your bullet not make contact, Joel gets worse. You two lock eyes. His rifle is thrown over his shoulder as he grunts and walks perfectly fine over to you – despite the way his eyebrows knit together, jaw ticked. Was that a grin? Do something, anything – run.

Joel grips the nape of your neck, and you yelp in surprise.

Who the fuck does this man think he is?

His large hand eclipses your wrist as he maneuvers the gun from your hand. The action makes you writhe in pain, and it sends a shiver down your spine to know he's only using an ounce of his power.

You dig your elbow into his ribs despite him stronger than you. Stomping, kicking, punching anything you can find.

"What the fu–"

"Little girl, you picked the wrong one." His breath edges at the shell of your ear, and every sign should be pointing for you to hate this, but it almost feels familiar. Like yourself. It's only then when you worry.

---

You don't realise it, but Joel is pushing you inside his cabin. Keeping your head in direction of the ground, thud of the door heard somewhere behind you.

"You want to be treated like a big girl? Get these fuckin' pants off."

"What... what? No I'm fuckin' not–"

Joel chews up the space between you when he pushes you to the nearest wall. Your back at his chest, a cheek flush against the cabin's support.

Pine, tobacco, and whiskey fill your senses and you bite back the urge to whimper. He wouldn't see you like that.

"You're not? That why you were watchin' me jerk off last night? 'Cuz you don't wanna give it up?"

That alone makes blood creep up your neck and spill over your cheeks. You have to squeeze your legs together to quell the ache.

It was lonely on your own.

Most nights were spent half asleep on a cold, hard surface. Tired and hungry more days than not. You don't remember the last time you got a hot meal, much less been touched. So when you heard Joel's low grunts coming from the window (a window from a cabin you don't know quite yet that he built with his own hands) you become intrigued.

It's in this moment you're certain it must have been the rustling of branches just outside his room. You remember it happening last night, cursing to yourself for making noise. His fist stalled around the girth of his fat cock before spilling his seed over his stomach. As if that is what caused him to come.

It makes sense now, and it equally causes you to become dizzy and filled with rage. You bite your bottom lip, unable to think of a response.

"Mouthy thing ain't got much to say now. Now c'mon. I ain't taking these off you, doin' it y'erself." More of a warning, Joel lets up on his grip on you, but you're defenseless. No weapons, no pack. He's got your world in his hands.

With the newly found space between the two of you, you turn around – back of your head against the wall as your eyes find the other set for, perhaps, the first time. And they're deep. Deeper than you were aware of. Dark, impossibly round. Wrinkles reside on the sides of them, and if you knew any better, you wouldn't admit they were doing something to you.

But not only are you stubborn, you're too forthright to beat around the bush.

"I shot at you, and you want my cunt? You must be lonelier than I a–"

"Now."

Your words don't match your actions as your hands fall by your sides. Fingers play with zipper of your old, faded jeans that have seen better days.

You can't help but snicker an awkward laugh from how he's just watching you. Insecurities rise when you realise you're not laughing at him, but more his eyes on you. How intense it feels suddenly. He wants this. Wants you.

His eyes draw impatiently, broad frame leaning against the opposite wall, arms crossed.

"Ain't got all day. Still considerin' your death."

His arms. Bulging through the fabric of his shirt, his body was built in a way that you could tell he worked with his hands... maybe in his past life, too. Throat dry, you shimmy out of your pants until you're left in your cotton panties.

Ones that you are becoming more aware the condition of. A small pool of wetness forming at the core of you clings to the fabric.

"Top, too."

Is that? It is. Your eyes wander down to see the growing bulge in Joel's pants. Not even the hem of his flannel could hide it. Sure, you'd seen it in its full form the night before, but that was with distance and without the heat rising between the two of you.

You bite your lip without hesitation, pulling the layers of jacket and a handful of tops onto the ground until you're bare. The cool air passes over your nipples and wills them into stiff peaks.

"Ain't you somethin', baby."

That's the first time Joel Miller draws a shaky exhale out of you. All from a single sentence.

When Joel steps over to you, that calm and collected breath is nowhere to be found. Your chest rises and falls at a random pattern, feeling more and more naked by the second as his clothes are completely kept on his body. A purposeful tactic.

He bends down to collect your clothes along with everything else that yours, and you are truly at his will. So busy on the precipice of pleasure that you don't even think about trying to get away.

"Stay."

"Ain't a dog." You glare, standing with your legs brushing together.

"Then quit actin' like a bitch. And quit movin', I'm gettin' to you."

It shuts you up quick, jaw snapping shut. You're certain if he told that to anyone else they'd be reduced to tears, but you can take it. It coils a heat inside the pit of your stomach that you've never felt. Causes your clit to feel as if it's on fire from the need to touch it.

Joel turns on his heel to walk away and it's as if you're able to breathe fresh air from the humidity he brings. You notice he's putting your things and his rifle away on his kitchen counter before coming back to you. He must really trust his ability to keep everything out like that.

Then again, have you even moved in the last five minutes?

The last thing he is, is worried.

You're able to look around, if only for a moment. Though, is it really looking? Your adrenaline is pumping, pupils blown from the fact that not only are you in the house you'd been stalking... you're about to fuck the man in it. And you almost tried to kill him. You definitely didn't miss on purpose. Couldn't have.

All the same, the cabin was nice, and you could take in briefly the light wood – old and weathered. A record player in the corner beside a guitar. This stuff could get you a lot in return, but for whatever reason that doesn't even cross your mind. Maybe your heart beating in your ears is a handy distraction to keep you walking the line.

Your eyes track the rugged man instead.

---

"Here's how this is gonna go," he announces, coming back to you and not phased that you haven't moved a muscle. "You are gonna take your ass over there on the couch. You're gonna make me come, then you're gonna go. Understand?"

"Well... I guess it is that easy."

Your bratty mouth getting you in trouble again. As if you're in the position to say anything. Naked as you are.

---

Joel's jaw ticks forward in a way that makes you feel fear, yet there's a direct correlation between it and the slick gathering between your folds. The same wide hand that gripped the nape of your neck wraps around the front of your throat while he pushes you against the wall, and your shoulders slump – all but folding instantly.

His mouth is inches from yours, forcing you to look him in the eyes.

"Listen here. I've been real kind to you. Coulda killed ya day one, tryin' to steal my shit like that. Was gonna be real kind in where I fucked ya, too. Now we're gonna fix that mouth a'yours and fast. Knees. Now." You soon come to know this isn't a suggestion. It's not even a warning. It is what's happening.

It's in the way Joel's hands guide you down onto your knees. He goes for his belt and you hear and see that distinct clang of metal untangle before your very senses. Your mouth waters instantly, teetering into fully giving into this struggle of power.

Joel's hands are calloused. You can tell he takes care of them, but that doesn't hide the wear and tear. Specifically on his fingertips. They grip your jaw roughly, and you choke back a moan as your mouth hangs open pliantly from this. Every nerve ending buzzing to be touched.

"Where'd that bratty girl go, huh? You done bein' big and bad – wanna be a slut, don’tcha?"

Your eyelash splay along your cheeks as you nod, and you feel his grip tighten, tugging your chin up higher.

"Look at me. You want this cock? I need your words. Tell me you wanna be a slut."

You're not sure when it happens, but hot tears run down your cheeks as everything comes to a head. Your body is trembling with raw desire right at your fingertips, just within reach. You can't hold back anymore, it physically hurts to.

"I wanna be a slut for this cock... please."

"Fuck, even a please. Oughta eat you out for that, sugar. Maybe next time."

Your brain is swimming at the thought. Next time?

With his free hand, Joel sets his cock free from his jeans, giving a satisfying smack to his abdomen quickly. No need for another piece of fabric keeping him from getting what he wants as you soon take note he isn't wearing boxers.

There's no denying what you're met with as you get to view it from this close. Joel Miller has a pretty cock. There's a soft, but bulging vein on the underside to match how big and thick it is. The rosy tip greets you, and it's the first time you get to see how much you've turned him on.

Your mouth is drooling while it's pried open and meets the tip of him. A moan from you is instantaneous, yet feels so distant from yourself, it doesn't affect you until much later. The taste of his precum coats your tongue as he slips past your lips and it's all you can experience. Your moans slip in and out of the sloshing sounds of your mouth. Keeping your hands by your sides, you don't tempt to touch him in fear he would pull away, so instead you twirl your tongue around his leaking head. Bob your head up and down in a slow, but sultry rhythm that causes him curse under his breath. He's not stoic above you, he's reacting.

He's clawing for every last bit of the upper hand.

"S'a lot, innit, babygirl? That's alright, you can take it." It's then you can sense Joel's guard slipping. Could be the fact that your mouth is suctioned perfectly around the length of his cock, but his voice gets damn sweeter the longer you go like this. His hips also have no problem in thrusting shallowly every now and then to knock the drool off of your dripping chin.

Even if you could form a thought, you don't know you would.

His fingers tangle in your hair, pulling it out of your face as you maintain eye contact. Intuitive in your approach, he told you to look at him earlier, so maybe he likes it? The groans filling the room lead you to believe you are correct. It feels so removed from who you were moments before: snickering because his gaze felt intimidating. Now, his pupils are blown as they pour into yours and his neck hangs back when your mouth makes those pretty, sloppy popping noises – testing your gag reflexes as you will them to relax.

It's way more intimate than anything you've ever done with anyone you've ever been with, and this stranger is pulling it out of you. Within the mess your brain is in, you remind yourself if you want to stop you can, and not a bit of you does.

The hot tears that were once down your cheeks swell in your eyes once more, but this time from the sheer size of him. You moan vibration after vibration against him, shifting and pushing your cunt against your calf, thigh – anything to feel some sort of friction.

He lets out a growl when he notices you, "Honey, if it's that bad, touch yourself." If your cheeks weren't red before, they are now.

It's him calling you out, slight embarrassingly, but not letting up with his hips. It's the way the embarrassment builds the fire in the pit of your belly. It's your hand pushing inside your panties at the sound of his command. And it's you practically choking on his cock from the gasp you let out through your nose – stunned at how wet you are.

Your fingertips barely brush over your clit when you notice the slick collecting, bubbling right at the very top of your slit and slutty moans fall out of you. Your eyelids droop as you try to keep your gaze up to Joel, but the way your fingertips roll over the hood of your clit in satisfying circles sends you over the edge way quicker than you anticipate.

"Shit, baby. Just like that. You filthy thing, can't hold off another minute longer, can ya? Need it right fuckin' now."

The sound of Joel's deep voice looms overhead as you come completely undone.

Unable to stop yourself, the suction on his cock pops free for a moment. Your moans hitting the air as your eyes roll back. Your body rushing to find each wave of pleasure roll off your back. Joel's cock still nestled in your mouth, but his hips still. "Goddamn, look at that little slut come out. Such a needy fuckin' kitten."

When Joel makes sure you've ridden it out, he pulls his cock from your mouth. Your body feels weak despite how eager your mind is now, face-to-face with Joel's cock, you watch as his scarred hand glides your saliva over his length entirely. It puts you in a trance, quickly getting out of it when he taps his cock against your cheek. "Pretty kitten want this? C'mon."

If your moans felt foreign to you, you don't even know what to do with yourself at the twinge of a grin that spreads on your face. The sheer audacity of his taps right against your fucking cheek. Orgasm-drunk, you shuffle to your feet and Joel has no problem in tossing you – finally – to the couch.

Your back is to him while the front of your body brackets the width of his couch, arms hunched over the back of it, knees dig into the cushions. You're grateful for the lack of eye contact in this position as it gives you a moment to press your face into your bicep, an attempt to collect yourself. But all of it obsolete when you sense Joel's presence at your ass.

His body heat unmistakable to miss. You bite at your own skin, neck craning to behind you to watch him.

"Shit, darlin', look at you. Ass up like this like y'er in fuckin' heat for me." You whine at the fact his clothes are still mostly on, and you know he must be sweating underneath them, but he won't give it to you like that. Not yet, 'maybe next time'. "You know I can't go any further 'til you get a spankin'. Need to be punished for tryin' to hurt me like that. For tryin' to take my things. Ain't right. Need you to learn your lesson."

Where are you? A part of you knows this is a tactic. That Joel is lulling you into a position you can't say no to. It already shows itself in how you're splayed on his couch. Yet, you can't find the person you were before you stepped into the cabin. Not yet, not like this. You nod weakly, and Joel swipes the cotton undies down to your thighs so quickly the rush of air cools the heat of your folds. A flutter runs through you.

"Count. To ten. If you don't, we start over. Say, yes sir."

"Y-yes... sir. Yes sir."

A searing, mind-numbing spank wallops over your ass and it causes your hips to jut forward. Whimper hitting the top of your throat, you almost, almost, forget to count. Everything in your senses distracting you from completing the simplest tasks such as fucking counting.

"O-one." Another. "Twooo." And again. "Th-three!"

You start sniffling by the third smack of his wide hand, and you hear mocking sniffs behind your head. "Aww, pretty baby can't take the hurt she tries to give to others? That must be really tough. Y'heart's bleedin' all over my couch, honey."

Your cheeks burn, you really feel sorry for what you've done. Or at least, what you were planning to do.

The next spank leaves a welt of Joel's handprint across your skin. "FOUR!" Your body begins to feel weak, sliding against the couch, you know talking back is useless as you silent tears stream into your arm.

There are six more blinding slaps to your ass by the time he's done with you, and you feel him pull back when he's through. You imagine him wringing his palms, the roughness of them. You begin to wonder if that's how they got to be so weathered, and pretend not to be weirded out by the ache of jealousy.

"Y'know for somebody whinin' the whole time, your pussy is just droolin' from that," any narrative you wandered off with disappears in its replacement of Joel's fingers gathering slick between your folds. No announcement, just go. It was just within reach, feeling him inside you. You ride the shudder your body makes, licking your lips as you realise the unspoken rule is free and you can speak. "N-need it. Need your cock, please... please." "Need it, and you don't even know my name?" His index and middle finger waste no time in pressing into your aching core. Sounds of your wailing mix with his words as he lurches over, lip close to your ear. "Or maybe you do already."

"Please, please, please," your fingertips grip for the worn fabric of his couch while your hips that try to jut back are quickly halted by his other palm, a strong stopper at the base of your spine. "Not 'til you tell me my name." "I-I don't know. I don't know it, I swear." Joel's thick fingers slip completely out of you and you mewl pathetically, pussy clenching around nothing and he can see every last detail of it behind you. "Last fuckin' time, better tell me the truth." "It's Joel," you cry, hips pushing back against the resistance as much as possible. Anything to be filled again. "Joel. Joel. Joel. I was... I was– I don't know anybody. Not with anybody, I swear! Joel, I swear. Please! Just grew up hearin' your name. I swear on my life, Joel, please! I know I lied, didn't think you'd believe me."

You don't know why you're begging like your life depends on it, but your pleasure surely does, and there's a longer pause than you want lingering behind you. As if you can palpably feel Joel contemplating whether you're being truthful or not. But if there's one thing about you, aside from this moment in this compromising position: you don't answer to anybody.

Joel's cock bottoming out inside of you at the drop of a hat is confirmation enough that he believes you.

And you not only wail, but scream at the stretch and irresistible contact that punches you straight to your gut – right where you can feel the tip of him. Half-moon prints dig into your hips by his short fingernails when he grabs ahold of you and you're on your forearms, head hanging between your shoulders. Your panties keep your thighs straying too far apart if there is such a thing.

"This what you wanted when you watched me?" Joel grips your torso now, pulling you closer to him as you become more upright, his cock more accessible to the spongy spot inside of you and your nipples stand erect, eyes rolling back as it takes all of you not to rest your head back against his shoulder, and you fail. Hard. Your occiput makes contact with his shoulder. Joel brushes your hair back to the side, lips graze but never fully touches the column of your neck. "Thought about this tight cunt last night. Left the window open on purpose, but you knew that already, didn't you, pretty girl? Clever little thing and so fuckin' dirty."

Joel's hand snakes around the front of you, spreading your folds as he dives his fingers over your glossed-over clit your wetness claimed and that sends a whine off of your depraved lips. "That's it, honey. Show me what this cock does to ya. Makes you downright brainless from how well you take it." While his skilled fingers, toy with your clit, the other set of digits graze over your breasts on their way up to your mouth. You take them inside the warmth of your wet mouth easily, rolling your tongue over the digits until you can only focus on the white hot pleasure beginning to boil over. You keep his fingers between your teeth, a faint realisation that you can taste yourself on them. That's what does it.

His hips are relentless as they pound into you, the repetitious slaps of his skin against yours, of his balls tapping your cunt again and again sends you into a place that he knows you're approaching when you tighten and pulse.

"Y'know how tight and wet you feel around me, darlin'? Never had a fuckin' cunt like this. Let it out, let it out, just like you wanna. Just like you did last night around your fingers. Nothin' like this cock though, and you know it now, don't you? Oh, fuck yeah– thaaat's it. Look at you." "Joel... Joel!!!" Joel talks you through it, sending your body diving off the cliff that is your second orgasm. The undeniable gush of your fluids around his cock. His name stays stuck at the your tongue, the constant thud of it vibrates your lungs.

It starts at the attention on your clit. The raw bundle of nerves send signals outward as it spreads down your legs, up your stomach, to your nipples and down your spine. Your brain feels effervescent, toes curl, and it comes back again right to your heart. Your beating heart, wild, and every moan, whimper, scream that comes from you sounds like it is from someone else's chest. But it's yours, and you know that when you start to feel hazy, unable to hold yourself up anymore.

"Good for my cock after all. Ain't ya, baby? Shit."

Your torso leans forward while your cheek rests on the top of your hand that's gripped on Joel's couch, and your body is relaxed and fucked. Comfortably silent, just the way Joel would want you. His cock slips out of you, unable to stop the slew of grunts and groans that acts as an anchor to keep you from slipping under. You lick your lips, looking back at him with a nod, unable to stay silent for long. That struggle of power coming back for vengeance. "That's right. Come all over this ass you ruined. See those handprints? Dirty fucking man, you just met me. Show me how much you enjoyed doing that."

That's as far as you get when you feel the heavy streams of his hot, white come rope over your skin, and for someone who is no position to be smug, you sure do have a shit-eating grin on your face. Pure, and the simplest thing the two of you accomplish.

Joel shakes his head, shallow breaths become him as he staggers back and you pretend not to notice. "Gonna kill me, kid."

"Almost did."

---

You don't know why, but neither of you hold the promise of you leaving right away. You linger, both of you half naked and spent. You take your time cleaning yourself off, slipping your clothes back on. Day becoming night.

You tiptoe into the living room where Joel is unfurled on his couch. His eyes are closed, the back of his head inches away from where the two of you just had sex.

Planning your goodbye, you sit at the edge of the couch cushion, knowing he wasn't really asleep. Just restin' his eyes.

"I am sorry...," you finally say into the dimly lit room, pangs of annoyance fizz at your tongue for even apologising. For shooting him, for trying to steal from him. All of it.

It's not his fault. It's just how you are.

This is dichotomous in relation to your eyes. They're bleary when a yawn pulls deep from within you. As if rest had been climbing up to the surface this entire time.

"Maybe you should be apologisin' 'bout your shitty aim. Could teach you a thing or two." Joel's eyes remained closed, arms crossed. If you could let yourself experience this, you would notice how soft he looks in this moment. Instead, your stomach is recoils in fight or flight.

You're glad he can't see you swallow the knot in your throat.

There was no magical solution for your life, and a part of you wishes you hadn't chosen his cabin to raid. You wish you hadn't met him, because now you could feel yourself want to notice the small things in him. Already.

You felt it dangerous to let anything that close to you.

You scoff to play it off, giving his chest a light shove and very accidentally getting lost in the light landscape of hairs that resides at the top of his flannel. "I could teach you a thing or two." A pathetic response for a pathetically spent human.

"We could both teach each other," he resigns and you're grateful he doesn't point out your lack of wit for how worn out he's made you. Perhaps the smugness settles in the things he doesn't say. Really, it's in what Joel spouts off next that throws you upside down.

"S'why you should stay. One month. That's it."

"Excuse me?"

"Didn't stuttered," your eyes roll and somehow, despite Joel's own being shut, he tuts his teeth. "Don't roll your eyes at me, little girl. You need a place to sleep. Besides, I could use an extra set of hands. Way I see it, best offer you've had in a while. Got a shelf life, though. Don't like to wait."

A part of you is suspicious, and if this man didn't make sure you orgasmed twice, you would suspect yourself to be dead within a matter of minutes.

There's something true about him, though. You're unwilling to look at it directly, but you trust him.

"Fine."

"Gonna need clearer confirmation, darlin'. Really need you to want this if you're gonna stay with me." He knew exactly where to press.

"Fuck, I shoulda killed you when I had the chance. I want to stay with you. One month." You try to ignore the grit between your teeth as speak, but your shoulders eventually soften. And you really do mean it. It's just... you're hardened from years of misplaced trust.

Your hand goes to the pendant around your neck subconsciously.

Joel either doesn't notice, or gives you the space.

You're grateful either way.

"That's that, then."

If anyone could understand the concept, it's Joel.

"That's that."

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller smut #joel miller #tlou fic #by bee #dancing is a dangerous game

[kitschysandglass]

Justice Lords AU Jon/Damian Drabble

Lord! Jon / The Demon’s Head! Damian

Prompt: Faked Relationships + Arranged Marriage

So a friend give me this prompt and urged me to write this. Started as a drabble then some how ends in a short fic. 

Might post the whole thing on AO3 once finished. It’s a pure fluff crack fic. If I can write romance comedy in Superlords AU I can do anything.

+Based on JLU animation setting. I refuse to acknowledge the comic sequel in JL beyond

Enjoy!

 +++

 “I need you to marry me.”

By this, the Kryptonian nearly toppled and fell from where he was floating in midair, if that was something could be done.

“What?!” he squeaked, absolutely dumbfounded.

“Well, not marry me, to be exact,” the Demon’s Head waved a hand in a very much dismissive way, as if they were just talking about weather, “An engagement, more like it.”

Gawking, the young lord Jon-El, son of the supreme Lord Superman, watched his best friend, former mentor and the current leader of League of Assassins, Damian al Ghul, with sheer amount of disbelief.

He had known there was something in Damian’s mind the second he dropped by in the courtyard of Narda Parbat base, as his friend had not even complained when being pulled into a suffocatingly tight embrace, rather been eyeing him with a wistful silence - which was why Jon had offered a short flight, and ended it by stopping at their favorite spot on the mountainside, for a sparring session or whatever Damian felt like.

He had not expect that ‘something’ to be this, however.

“Where did that even come from?” Jon furrowed incredulously, hovering closer to the older male.

Damian’s lips pressed into a thin line, the corners of his mouth slightly tilted down in dismay. Jon noticed that he was putting on his I-have-a-favor-to-ask-but-I’m-the-Demon’s-Head-so-I-only-order-people-around face.“Mother has been pestering me with the topic of marriage and suitable consorts, again, lately.”

Jon blinked. Sometimes he really couldn’t understand what was with Talia’s temporary obsession about her son’s non-exist marital status, considering herself had never married, at least not formally, but - “Oh, okay, it’s not something hard to solve though. I can just —”

“You’re not going to kill another daughter or son of some significant political figure just because I said ‘they annoyed me so’, or lobotomize them,” Damian cut off curtly, voice cold and harsh, “Mother was quite upset the last time you’ve done this. We’ve spent months to neutralize the consequences, and I don’t think your father appreciated it very much either.”

“Dad doesn’t appreciate a lot of things.”

Damian sighed, ignoring his quip. “And you’re not going to kill mother,” he paused, before adding another warning, “As well as your father. We’ve been over this before.”

Jon deflated, then pouted like spoiled child. “Fine. It’s not like I hate aunt Tal, you know, just the option’s open at anytime.”

“Yes, Jon, I have no doubts that you’d do anything for me,” said Damian dryly, arm crossed, with barely a nick of sarcasm, “Which is why pretending to be my betrothal should at least be one of them.”

It was true, and they both knew it by hearts. The young Kryptonian would do literally everything and anything in his power, or die tried beyond his power to fulfill what Damian al Ghul had wished for; whether it was a country, the world, or stars and moon – he would bring them all down and offered before the Demon’s Head’s throne, with simply a word rolling off the other man’s tongue.

But it did not mean he would waste a chance to haggle.

“Um, yep. I just can’t figure out how and when did I come into the scheme.”

Damian’s shoulder tensed, yet eased down within seconds once more, and begrudgingly he started, “Well, in hope of ending this kind of conversations once and for all, I’ve may or may not told mother that I’m already betrothed to someone on my own behalf.”

Dead silence suddenly hanged down between the two of them, until Jon spoke softly, in the end.

“Dami, it hurt me to say this, but sometimes you’re really stupid,” he said in the most earnest and genuine voice.

The Demon’s Head resumed talking without a comment, only tapped one finger on the hilt of the Kryptonite dagger, sheathed at the side of his belt, displaying a clear attitude. “And I would like to make sure we’re both aware of the... detailed information about this relationship, since we’ll finally inform mother our engagement at dinner tonight, and she might have the curiosity for further inquiries.”

“Right. Sure, even though I still haven’t agreed on a single part here, but go on.” Jon chirped in a deliberately sickening sweet tone.

This earned him a threatening glare, which Jon blew out a raspberry in return, then floated even higher. Damian could not actually be angry with him when nothing had happened, moreover, when he was the one who had a favor to ask. True to the belief, his sole response was a familiar tutting sound, and the emerald eyes moved away to gaze at the mountains afar. After another minute of peaceful quietness, Damian eventually spoke and dropping the bombshell. “For your reference, we’ve been secretly engaged for several years by now.”

“Whoa, we have?”

Without batting an eye, Damian continued in an uncannily even and nonchalant tone. “To be more specific, we had confessed and exchanged our vows when you were nineteen. The year you paid a visit when I was in Europe, and we spent the summer together.”

“Oh Rao I can’t believe I’m hearing this,” Jon muttered under his breath. Just then he stilled, eyes widened, head perked up, and a dawning realization struck like a lighting, “Wait, is that one time you almost fell off from the Eiffel Tower?”

“Yes, that one time you almost dropped me off from the Eiffel Tower,” Damian spat, “But also no, it should be later, in Greece.”

“Parthenon?”

“Parthenon.”

“Was it before or after the accident that we nearly set it on fire? You know, together, by mistake, and somehow my fault was not in the larger proportion there.”

At last, the unwavering mask of indifference was cracked by the recollection of that particular incident. Damian winced. He opened his mouth while in search of a comeback, or any evidence for correction in details. There was none, and the only option he left was grunting like an ill-tempered cat.

“After that, possibly,” he mumbled through gritted teeth.

“Must be quite romantic then, I can imagine,” said the young lord in a sing-song voice, beaming with satisfaction.

Damian huffed with a sneer inside. “Indeed, everything seems extremely romantic after being at each other’s throat in a literal manner for the past thirty minutes.”

“I didn’t start that. I was just messing around with you.”

“If by ‘messing around’ you mean as ‘practicing homicide’.”

“Well it’s not me who thought it was a great idea to—” he feigned a surprised yelp when being suddenly dragged down by his cape. Did Jon see that coming? Of course. Could he dodge it? No problem. He could even stay still like a solid concrete and start a tug-of-war in air, but then Damian’s embarrassment might turn into true enragement. Thus he chose to offer the cheekiest smile to those blazing green eyes, now on horizontal level with and an inch too close, “’right, sorry, please do continue.”

Those eyes scrutinized his face for a while longer, before Damian’s own expression softened. He loosened the grip, yet refrained from completely let go of the silky white fabric, still holding it gently between his fingers. Following the subtle cue, Jon set feet to the ground and straightened up a little, as though being anchored by the hand that pulled him down.

“That makes the anniversary of our engagement on the 23rd of July,” and so Damian returned to the previous topic while thoroughly disregarding the small interlude, “Which is why we generally spent summer together since then.”

“Is it? Wait, we’re not actually engaged in the past few years, right? Are we?” Damian just stared at him, unimpressed by the display of idiocy.

“I assure you, we aren’t,” he then released the cape, “However, half a truth often makes up a great lie, and it works perfectly in this case.”

“And I thought we pretty much spent every summer together.”

“We didn’t. Not since you went back with your father when you were twelve,” Jon grimaced at that reminder, “Truthfully, I never know what’s your excuse whenever you disappeared for at least a whole month.”

The Kryptonian snorted.

“Dad doesn’t really care about what I’m doing as long as I’m not wrecking havoc to worsen his migranine. That is, since the whole Elite incident years ago,” he then paused for a few hesitant seconds. Jon-El slightly tilted head to met with the other’s eyes, as he was levitating on tip-toes in subconscious once again, “I have no quarrel with pretending to be your ‘betrothal’ or whatever, D, though clearly it’s one of your dumbest idea. But hey! Sounds fun! And the story totally sells, on some levels. Just you know nothing’s gonna be merely ‘fake boyfriend’ trope when it comes to our families, right?”

“Might as well,” Damian hummed, and he dared to start the explanation shamelessly under his friend’s now confused gaze, “It’s obvious that the Justice Lords are reconsidering their current partnership with the League and Leviathan. I doubt mother is too happy about some ‘trivial disagreements’ in recent as well, and I don’t always see eye to eye with people on either side.”

Jon stared at him. Damian stared back. The pregnant silence stretched longer this time, until Jon gasped loudly, eyes wide with disbelief. He dashed so high up into the air before dived down again in an instant.

Damian cursed in Arabic while busily trying to dust off the snow now covering his hair and robe, caused by the rapid gush of wind. Jon paid him no mind.

“Wow. Okay. Hold on. I can’t believe you’ve just talked me into a political marriage,” he half-shrieked, half-spluttered into the other’s ears, “Is this actually your mom’s idea? Am I in the ‘suitable consorts’ list?! Didn’t aunt Tal remark on how I’m never going to be a ‘passable husband material’ last month when I told that story about Beacon?”

“I’m pretty sure she still holds the same opinion,” Damian grumbled with a wince on his face. He pushed him away for a little, in sake of the eardrums, “Look, it’s not like the wedding will happen anytime soon. We’re just going to make the contract part official.”

“Ugh,” Jon pulled a face, “Why? Why’re you doing this to me? You know how much I hate those political stuff and formal occasions, and I hate to start anything that’s closer to a serious conversation with dad or the other lords. Why? Did I do something wrong? Are you still mad about that research station I had accidentally blown off? Or is it because I refused to help you sneak into the Fortress last time? You know you’ve already been there plenty of times!”

A muscle jumped on the Demon’s jaw when a certain event was mentioned, yet the only reaction he let out in the end was a sigh. “I’m still mad about that research station you had accidentally blown off, but that’s not the reason.”

“And it’s not mother’s idea, either. To be honest, I don’t think she’ll be rejoiced to hear this arrangement. Doubtlessly she has other plans in mind,” reluctant as he was, seeing Jon was still watching him skeptically, Damian could only supplied with another confession, “If that makes you feel better, I didn’t consider much when the ‘secretly bethrothed’ thing blurted out. I’m merely turning an impulsive mistake into a tactical strategy.”

“And you think your mom’s gonna agree with this? Since now it’s clear that I’m not an optional son-in-law in her ‘mother’s choice’ edition.”

“That is, exactly the cause behind our romantic backstory. I know this sounds unreal, but given the past record of herself, mother actually has a soft spot when it comes to the heart’s cause,” for a second, Damian looked like he wanted to avert his gaze to elsewhere and took aback everything had happened. He continued nonetheless, “I have to admit, considering the talk of marriage will eventually come up sooner or later, it’s much better to know that we’re in this together.”

The young lord did not respond. He remained completely still, the tip of his shoes left shallow grazes on the snow since he was hovering a few inches apart from the ground. The only sound he made was the sound of the pale white cape billowing in wind.

Jon-El snapped out from whatever outer body experience he was going through when Damian gently laid a hand on to his shoulder. He looked down at the hand, then back to Damian’s face, back upon at the hand on his shoulder again, and abruptly retreated a huge step back. The sky blue eyes flared a tint of red for a fleeting moment, as he sent Damian a menacing look right before he took lift with a sonic boom. It was a “just-watch-me-leave-you-here-and-try-to find-a-way-down-on-your-own” look, which the al Ghul was entirely capable of, since he was nine. However, Damian knew better than wasting energy unnessarily on a self-solved problem.

He yawned, counting seconds in mind while watching the shadowcasts of cloud flowing through the rugged silhouette of the mountains.

It took around two minutes and fourty-seven seconds for that monotone and crimson blur to reappear in the edge of his sight. Jon soared back and landed in front of him, raven black hair in a wind-blown state, with a light frown on his face, and the rest was unreadable. He puffed, finally, shoulder slumped in compromise.

“Alright. Fine. But you better give me a very nice ring.”

“That can be arranged.” Damian smiled smugly, which replied by another eye-rolling.

“Dad’s gonna be so pissed, and aunt Kara too. Kon’ll probably find this overly hilarious,” Jon murmured. Unsurprisingly, that grumpy pout gradually dissipated through the muttering, instead a wicked grin starting to spread on his face, “Oh such delight, I can’t wait for this month’s family dinner. If I’m going to suffer, I’d better turn this into everyone else’s problem.”

“You’re a menace.” Damian scoffed, yet the fondness overweighted mockery in it.

Without a warning, Jon lunged forward, two steel-strong arms choked the other in a too tight hug. Damian’s hands almost instinctly flied to the hilt of the sword, only Jon had slackened the clutch too quick. He twirled his position to spoon Damian from behind, still floating aloft, and rest his chin on the center of the hair whorl. Damian growled, but did not try any effort to push him off.

“Still can’t believe you’re making me do this,” Jon complained aloud, “You owed me an Apokolips-scaled favor now, which means you’re forbid to get mad at me from now on.”

“I think that’s still in need for further negotiation,” Damian commented in a deadpan tone.

“Have you already prepared a prenuptial agreement?”

“Hmm.”

“What kind of answer is that?” Jon pinched his friend and soon-to-be betrothal on cheek (without really using any strength, of course). Damian grunted and let it be, but caught his wrist at the second attempt.

“I’m afraid your halcyon days are over, Lord Jon-El. Welcome to my life and put responsibility into your dictionary,” mocked by the Demon’s Head.

To this, Jon sighed exasperately and tightened his hold before Damian’s chest, then nuzzled even closer. Both of them were well past the point to be bothered by this cold, but warmth was always welcomed.

“Hate you,” said Jon, voice a little too cheerul.

“Hate you more,” replied Damian, a barely contained laugh in tone.

-END/TBC-

Other background settings on this AU:

So Superman and Lois are still Jon’s biological parents in this setting, but only on genetic level. Lord! Superman had tried everything in hope to make Lois stay with him back then, so he used Kryptonian technology to create a child from his lab, using his and modified Lois’ gene (probably from blood samples or sth.) and take the baby to meet Lois.

My impression to Lois is that she would likely to wait for a chanse to strike back rather than commit suicide when there’s no way out. She then took care of Jon in those imprisoned years, until Jon fell gravely ill due to his unstable DNA and Lord Superman took him to somewhere else for treatment, and Lois had finally escaped in that period of time.

After Lois’ escapement, among other situations, Kal-El was busy with his work and didn’t have the will to raise the child, therefore send him to LoA through Lord Batman’s introduction. Jon was 5-6 yro back then, he and Damian were still 3 yrs apart in this AU.

Talia had informed Batman about their child a lot ealier in this setting, and Damian was basically always raised in the League. Jon went back with his father reluctantly when he was 12. Their relationship was strange and distant rather than tensed. Kal-El sort of viewed this child as the final reminiscence of Lois, while Jon just, honestly didn’t care(...) On the other hand, although Lord Superman might have not too many moral compass, he valued his rules, but Jon’s just pure chaotic, didn’t really care abt anything whatsoever unless it involved Damian.

Lois was now in an anti-Lords organisation. Jon called her Ms. Lane and paid visit to chat occassionally, and constantly mocking his father’s pathetic love life.

Ra’s died or couldn’t use pit to regenerate anymore at somepoint, then Damian became the Demon’s Head.

#jondami #damijon #jon kent #damian wayne #jonathan kent #super sons #talia al ghul #justice lords #justice lord #superlord #superlords #DCU #fanfic #damian al ghul

[vinelark]

fic writer meme

thank you [checks notes] @megafaunatic, @cairoscene, @englishsub, @yuebings, and @cafecliche for the tags ilu

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 15! which is solidly 14 more than i ever expected to have on there when i made the account

2. What's your total Ao3 word count? 277,844

3. What fandoms do you write for? on ao3: mdzs/cql, tgcf, shl, and dc. in groupchats/dms/my own head i’m running wild all over the place

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 🐉 this river runs to you 💍 i’ll have you and you’ll have me 🪐 i will be chasing a starlight ⚔️ you’re the trouble that i always find 🌊 a wave crashes to shore

5. Do you respond to comments? not often; i have made multiple attempts to start replying regularly but all have eventually failed in the face of me desperately wanting to show my earnest and genuine appreciation for each comment vs. wanting to hide my blushing face under a pillow every time. also, because of who i am as a person, each time i sat down to do it i ended up spending hours making little progress and eventually decided that i will make an effort to spend those hours writing or commenting on other fics instead. i am honored by each and every one though!!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? while i tend to write angst it is always firmly of the “with a happy ending” sort. the one exception is my shortest fic (originally posted on twitter) never been away so long, which is more of an ambiguous/open ending with implied angst. i dooooo outline the eventual happy ending in the endnotes, though. also as it CURRENTLY stands buy back the secrets ends on one hell of an angsty note, but there are two more chapters in the works to fix that.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? despite the wangxian star trek au having like 20k of deliriously happy post-misunderstanding sex, i think trrty has to have the happiest ending because not only does the fic end happily, but there are also multiple very happy codas in which wwx gets a good night’s sleep, finally gets to bang his dragon boyfriend, and, my personal fav, one by aubreyli where wangxian go flying in a thunderstorm.

8. Do you get hate on fics? not so far, for which i am grateful but mostly lucky.

9. Do you write smut? occasionally; on ao3 there’s the aforementioned trrty coda, plus the aforementioned cowritten wangxian pon farr sequence 💪

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written? hmm, i’m not opposed to crossovers—i’ve read some really fun ones (recent fav crossover read here)—but i’d have to be really compelled by both source materials and have a very clear vision for how they interact to want to write one myself. i’ve written a few fandom fusions (aforementioned wangxian star trek au; i also started a wangxian dragon age au but again, no dragon age characters were going to show up, just the world/setting) but no full-on crossovers. i did have one partially drafted wangxian fic that was going to have a hua cheng deus ex machina, alas.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i’m aware of! it’s not something i really go looking for/concern myself with, but so far, like with fandom hate, i’m grateful to not have encountered it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? yes! my wangxian wedding fic was translated to russian.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? i co-wrote seventy thousand words of published fic with @feyburner! and probably two hundred thousand words of unpublished fic and outlines and story ideas just for fun. even when we aren’t co-writing we tend to talk through our individual fics with each other so we’re pretty in sync when it comes to writing. i also spent like a year in @cairoscene’s DMs concocting whole outlines/zerodrafts for batfam fics together that i still cherish and reread (notable favs: tim drake ella enchanted au, concept where the waynes are cursed to suddenly feel nothing but apathy about tim and he has to deal with that, story where robin!tim gets de-aged and oops red hood is the first one to show up…). i’d say the OCBFEU is fic-adjacent and cowritten by a group of us. also shoutout to the mdzs threadfic @cafecliche and i brainstormed/zerodrafted where lan qiren gets cursed into an owl and post-cql wei wuxian is the one who unknowingly saves him.

14. What's your all time favorite ship? oh yeah it’s [loud truck goes by]

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? cyborg!wwx…i still think of you fondly. the only ao3 fic i’ve ever posted knowing i probably wouldn’t finish it but wanted to share just for fun.

16. What are your writing strengths? pangs… mining little character details for humor (or, more often, for more pangs)… i also think i’ve really improved my action writing/pacing over the last few years.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? i write actual drafts/prose fairly slowly, which can be frustrating for me. also like @yuebings i often get very caught up in trying to perfect one small part of a draft before moving on. ummmm describing outfits/settings for reasons other than immediate plot-relevant details, i’m terrible at that + remembering to do it—i literally make myself do a What Are We Looking At Here Pass while revising sometimes.

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics? i’m not totally sure what this question is asking tbh, but it’s something i think can be done incredibly well—and, like with many things in storytelling, it’s the sort of thing where if you don’t actually speak the second language you need to be willing to put in work beyond a cursory google to try to achieve what you’re doing, and be willing to admit if it’s beyond your capabilities. i really like how the portuguese dialogue in bbts ended up and that’s 100% because @tigerjpg translated it for me and also already understood the scene/concept/characters; without them i would have found a different way to approach that scene. also, stylistically, i personally like when dialogue in other languages isn’t italicized unless there’s a real reason for it to be.

19. First fandom you wrote for? oh it was [a second loud truck whooshes by]

20. Favorite fic you have written? right now it’s bbts, because i think it’s also the fic i’ve had the most fun writing. trrty, though, will always hold a special place in my heart.

and i tag! @tlumeti, @burins, @smilebackwards, @bonesbuckleup, @hearteyeshayley, @sonosvegliato

#this was so fun thank you #also i loved getting tagged so many times because i could immediately go read everyone's writeups #like a very fun trip down memory lane #my fic

[aerkame]

I really love your finfolk au and the amount of care you have put into the world building and characters.

If it's okay, can I ask some questions about the story?

In one post, you mentioned that Frank seemed to not mind being tricked into coming to the island, and "maybe at some point he gave up" (or something to that affect?). You also mentioned that he keeps his bowtie as a reminder of his old life.

So, how did Frank first react to being trapped on Home? Did he resist like the Selkei OC? Was he tricked into transforming, or did he he know what the potion was for? How long has he been on the island?

(This has nothing to do with anything you've already shared. Just a 'what if' that's been bouncing around in my head)

If Sally had gone on one of her killing sprees while a neighbor-- lets say Eddie-- was trying to woo someone from the mainland, would there have been a way for her to know that, hey, maybe leave that one grey nerd alone?

Thank you so much for the kind words! I really love folklore and I thought finfolk folklore was just perfect for the kind of writing I want to experiment with. :)

Frank had knowingly came to the island with Eddie and actually willingly allowed himself to be transformed. It was from curiosity but mainly done because he loves Eddie enough to give up his old life as a marine biologist. Even though he does miss some parts of his previous life, he wouldn't change what he has now. It's because of this that Home and the others didn't even try to force Frank to stay, they already knew he never wanted to leave any of them to begin with.

So of course, he won't run, not ever. Not when the love of his life and best friends are here.

It took time to get used to things, yes, but it was worth it in the end. Something that Frank found to be intriguing was not only the magical abilities of finfolk, but also the many forms they could take on. For example, he and the others could take on any face, shape, or form of another puppet, sometimes even making a whole now identity unique to themselves...but when it came to being in a finfolk form only finwomen could transform themselves into what look like mermaids. Full tail and everything. Finmen could only grow fins along their bodies.

The magic that Frank was allowed to use wasn't his own. Only true finfolk could use their own magic so he had to 'borrow' Home's magic in the form of a seashell. He always kept the shell clipped to his bowtie or vest whenever he wore it. It not only allowed him to use some magic (it was weak, but it got the job done when used), but it looked quite fitting with his outfit.

He likes to visit the mainland with Eddie sometimes even if he no longer lives there. It felt so nice to see new and old faces pass by. Frank also loved to revisit the places that Eddie often takes him to for dates. It was truly a dream.

It was almost funny really.

Back when Frank was just a normal puppet he honestly thought Sally was going to kill him or Eddie as either a jealous ex or some murderer wandering the streets. The yellow star had been caught stalking the both of them and on one night while he was alone, she came to him talking about how head over heels Eddie was in love.

"You know, it'd be a shame if something were to happen to you...poor Dear would be heartbroken."

The finwomen examined her claws while speaking, it left Frank terrified and unsure of his own safety, he was not quite understanding if whether or not Sally was a fiend or a siren judging by her finned head and arms. Either way she looked ready to kill something. It wasn't going to be him though.

Turns out Sally just had a sick sense of humor or she tended to word things poorly. She had really just showed up to make sure Frank remained safe for the night after Eddie had some business to take care of.

It took a few minutes of awkward silence for Frank to realize Sally wasn't here to kill him. Of course she clarified what she meant only after Frank had the third panic attack that night. She had a good laugh about it and he had a good pout about it.

Frank isn't upset about it anymore really. If anything, he's glad Sally showed up the way she did otherwise he never would have found out about finfolk or what Eddie really was. Even when he did find out he wasn't mad, disgusted, or upset. He was curious, intrigued, and falling deeper in love for his fin man.

#welcome home #welcome home finfolk au #welcome home au #finfolk #au #welcome home eddie dear #eddie dear #welcome home frank frankly #frank frankly #eddie dear x frank frankly #welcome home eddie x frank #requests open

[hikari-drkspc]

❅ “A Fun Show” ❅

characters: yandere! midoriya izuku, yandere! bakugou katsuki & yandere! todoroki shouto [boku no hero academia]

warning: yandere, mentions of m0rder, intentionally h0rting oneself, deep wound involved, izuku is lowkey ooc ; MINOR/AGELESS BLOGS DNI, PUT YOUR AGE IN BIO/PINNED POST TO INTERACT

words: 2.1k

a/n: this is a repost from my main blog (@/hikari-writes) so yes this writing is old + bad, i just moved them here w/o editing bc im lazy and wants to keep reminding myself how bad my writing used to be <3 this was a request and i still have no idea whatre the significance of circus au is/gen🧍🧍

Midoriya Izuku, the strongman.

Bakugou Katsuki, the knife thrower.

Todoroki Shouto, the trapeze artist.

Those three were considered to be the highlight and main star of UA Circus.

And then there’s you, one of the behind-the-scene staff, who’s stuck in their obsessive love.

~~**~~

“Oi, Todoroki! You were the one who swapped my lunch with Deku, weren’t you?!”

Katsuki yells at Shouto who stares at him without a change in his expression.

“I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He continues slurping at his soba, clearly showing his disinterest in the conversation. Katsuki’s vein was about to pop off when you suddenly stepped in between them while holding out both your arms to stop the fight.

“Wait, wait, wait! I’m sorry, Bakugou. I was the one who accidentally swapped your lunch box with Midoriya’s.”

You look at him with an apologetic smile. Katsuki stares at you, his eyes are still glaring but you could see it soften a bit. He lets out a frustrated sigh before turning around from you.

“Make sure to not make the same mistake again. I don’t eat the same shit as that Deku does.”

“That’s mean, Kacchan…”

You heard Izuku softly comment on Katsuki’s statement. Right after he’s out of sight, you blink in confusion with an awkward smile adorning your face.

“H-he really did repeat the same thing as before…”

You silently thought to yourself. The truth is, this is already the fifth time you “accidentally” swapped his lunch with Izuku. The first time you did it, he gave the same exact response as he did just now and you got curious as to why he gave you that kind of response when he could’ve just got real mad at you. So you did it again, just to see whether he’d get mad at you or not, to which he didn’t. And so you did it again….and again….and again….and before you knew it, it already has been the fifth time you did that yet his reaction stays the same.

A part of you was actually impressed. Even without anyone telling you, it’s pretty obvious to you that Katsuki is a sharp person. He has always shown to be a focused and sharp person, a trait he picked up from his role as a knife thrower. So it always struck you as odd that he didn’t realize the same mistake you’ve been repeating for the fifth time.

Just as you decided to shrug it off and stop pranking him, you heard Shouto talking to you in his usual calm voice.

“You’re having fun with that?”

You turn to him with a small grin.

“Kinda, yep! Rather, you noticed me doing it on purpose?”

You ask while chuckling a bit, amused at yourself. You didn’t expect Shouto of all people to realize what you had done. He’s always known to be a dense person after all.

“Well, you always have that amused smile on your face whenever you were swapping their lunch boxes, so you weren’t exactly hiding it.”

You stop chuckling and look at Shouto with an awkward smile. A bead of sweat trickles down your face, and an ominous feeling takes over your whole body.

For all you know, everytime you swapped their lunch boxes, no one was around. They weren’t even supposed to be around. They were supposed to either be performing their part of the show or be in the break room after their show had ended at the time. Even if they were around and saw what you did, you would’ve sensed their presence.

You shake off the uneasy feelings away, thinking maybe Shouto just happened to see you on accident and you were too focused on your prank to not notice his presence.

“A-anyways, he’s an interesting person, don’t you think? To think he didn’t realize what I did…”

Shouto stays silent and keeps slurping at his soba until it’s finished before turning at you.

“Interesting huh? I wonder about that…I believe it’d be more interesting if he does some trapeze acts….”

“Oh, you wish for him to do the same thing as you? That’s nice—”

“…and falls down from that height while doing so. It would be interesting if that happened. That’ll for sure teach him a lesson to not ever take what rightfully belongs to others.”

You shut your lips up and look at Shouto’s indifferent face. Either he just meant that as a joke or you misheard him. Either way, your heart is beating like crazy against your ribcage right now.

“D-did he take something of yours, perhaps? Even so, you really shouldn’t joke about that.”

You try to ask him in a calm manner but your shaking voice betrays your hidden feelings as it shows how much you’re in fear. Shouto stays indifferent. If you look closely, he almost looked…amused at your reaction. And your gut is telling you that his amusement isn’t because he was joking about what he said, but rather the opposite.

“And what if I said that that something is you?”

“L/N, can you come here for a second?”

Izuku’s voice snaps you back into reality as your conversation was cut short and you quickly leave Shouto behind after giving him a small nod of apology. Shouto stares at your back as you disappear from his sight. You could almost feel his stare digging holes on your back but you chose to ignore it.

“What’s wrong, Midoriya?”

You silently thank him for getting you out of that uncomfortable situation. Izuku gives you a wry smile and points at his bleeding arm.

You let out a loud shriek at the sight, both worried and terrified at the deep looking wound.

“I uh…accidentally cut myself when I was walking near that thing…”

Izuku awkwardly points at a sharp looking metal with a smile, as if the wound on his arm isn’t serious and his arm isn’t bleeding heavily.

“Call me earlier! Oh gosh, follow me now!”

You lead him to the treatment room in a hurry. You glanced back at the wound and saw the blood dripping on the floor, making your own face pale.

Izuku has always been careless with how he treats himself. Shota, one of the circus’s behind-the-scene staff, even once asked if he had some kind of magnetic attraction towards accidents that ended up hurting him. He just laughed it off, saying stuff like, he’s used to it, or, it wasn’t that big of an injury.

Izuku is indeed the strongman of UA Circus. Despite having a baby face and a polite and meek personality, his strength rivals even the adults. He once told you that he’s aiming to be an amazing strongman just like All Might, a legendary strongman in the history of circuses. Ever since then, he’d been training diligently to get to where he is now. While you admire that part of him, you really wish he’d stop accidentally hurting himself.

“There. Be careful next time, alright? Good thing the wound isn’t that serious. If it had been, you might need to take a break from doing circus acts and rest at home. It’s a talent at this point to keep hurting yourself like this.”

You completed the treatment and jokingly said with a light chuckle, trying to distract yourself from the wound. Izuku stares at you for a bit before opening his mouth.

“If you ask me, I don’t really feel like I’m hurting myself.”

You look at him, curious as to what he meant by that. He sends a sheepish smile and scratches the back of his neck, a small blush starts to form on his cheeks.

“Rather it feels like I’m rewarding myself. After all, I got to enjoy your beautiful self treating my wounds like this. Before I knew it, I just seemed to start getting myself hurt on purpose whenever I see you nearby.”

Izuku lets out a small giggle as if he’s a teenage girl in love. You probably wouldn’t have minded it much if he had stopped at the second sentence. You would have probably just thought of him being his usual sweet self.

But he just HAD to add that last sentence, huh?

You look at him in pure shock and fear. What he said was definitely not normal. Why would he do that, would be a stupid question to ask at this point, especially since he has clearly stated his reason before the last sentence.

You see the way his eyes are glinting dangerously as his lips curve up into a sweet smile. So sweet it’s almost sickening.

“I-I have to go. Excuse me.”

You quickly leave the treatment room behind. Your minds wander back to the one time you were talking with Shota. The older man had mentioned in passing how Izuku had gotten into accidents and hurting himself more after you had come to work at UA Circus. You just brushed it off, thinking that Shota was just overthinking things. You thought nothing of it and had almost forgotten all about what he said.

But after what just happened…you started to think there was a possibility that what Shota said…might be true.

You quicken your steps and your mind is thrown into chaos. A part of you doesn’t want to think about it anymore, hoping what had happened today was just a bad dream, but you knew better than to run away from reality. Another part of you is just so bothered by Shouto and Izuku’s weird demeanor towards you that you can’t help but to start speculating things.

You kept your eyes on the ground while walking, completely oblivious to your surroundings. Only after your face hits someone’s chest do you finally tear your eyes away from the floor. The one you bump into doesn’t seem too pleased however since you heard him scowl and curse under his breath.

You look up to see a very familiar face. Katsuki. You could’ve sworn you’ve never been more happy in your life to see the gremlin blondie. Your face completely lit up but it soon wilted into a confused frown when you saw Katsuki glaring down at you.

He was being pretty soft and kind to you just a few hours ago. What have you done in that short span of time to make him look…angry at you even though you literally didn’t even see his face during those few hours?

Well, I just hope you don’t need an explanation because he won’t be giving you any. Before you knew it, you’re already on your knees and looking up at his intimidating eyes. After all you’ve been through for today, you thought that maybe Katsuki can help comfort you, even in the most indirect way ever.

You guessed wrong.

Instead of “comforting”, his glare literally made your knees weak, resulting in you cowering before his seemingly tall figure. Instead of “comforting”, he made your fear worsen and your mind totally gave up in trying to think up any words to say, at all.

“What were you doing, talking to that half and half bastard and that loser Deku?”

He asks in a low, rumbling voice. It almost seems like he’s trying hard to hold back his anger, as if the one he’s showing isn’t enough.

You try to say something, anything, but the word never came out. Instead, you’re left gaping at him like a dumb fish. Tears started forming at the corner of your eyes and you slowly closed them, in hopes that you’d wake up from this nightmare.

Instead of waking up, you heard a loud scoff behind and shortly after that, your body was being carried by a pair of strong arms.

“Kacchan, you really don’t know how to treat your object of affection nicely, do you?”

Followed by a small, mocking chuckle, you saw Izuku carrying you bridal style. Your heart must’ve leapt out of your chest for a minute because you suddenly stop breathing out of shock. After the situation has sank in however, it beats again rapidly against your ribcage, almost making you feel like throwing up.

Not even a second after that, you’re greeted with another shock as you saw a sharp blade only an inch away from Izuku’s neck. Izuku sends a side glance to the perpetrator behind him.

“Hands. Off of her before I make you.”

Shouto calmly threatens while tightening his fingers around the blade. Izuku doesn’t seem surprised at all as he lets out a weary sigh.

Izuku finally lets you down and puts you a bit farther away before gathering back to the other two.

That night became your unlucky night and you’ll forever remember it.

Not only will you need to witness this little bloody show battle in front of your very eyes but you’ll also need to be the prize of the winner of the battle.

And it goes without saying that your opinion doesn’t matter here.

#tw: yandere #tw: self harm #yandere #yandere bnha x reader #yandere bnha #bnha yandere #yandere bakugo x reader #yandere izuku x reader #yandere todoroki x reader #bnha todoroki shouto #bnha midoriya izuku #bnha bakugou katsuki

[mostlymaudlin]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

thank you @decaflondonfog for the tag !! ill tag @sillyunicorn @starwarned @urban-sith @tea-brigade

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

98!! (woah) plus an unrevealed t&n fest fic, so 99. wow i need to do something rly crazy for 100 lol. what if i do a ridiculous crossover of all my fandoms and everyone in the fandom tags will hate me. 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

544,914. (again. woagh)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly all for the game and simon snow series, have dabbled in & posted even less for check please, captain america, and one direction! i feel like i’m missing something but regardless my fixations are hardcore, so all except like 4k of that posted wc is for either aftg or ss hahahha

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all are andreil! boyfriend privileges (4k, T) / Trigger (62k, E) / flashes of intimacy (10k, t) / Would you still love me if I was a worm? (6k, T) / Inside Thoughts (1k,T)

man this is long, rest is going under the cut lol

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not very often, but i wish i did. i am stricken with a combination of being really awkward when people are nice to me & being bad at interacting with anyone in ways i fear could be perceived as ingenuine. im not sure if that makes sense LMAO. and sometimes when i put a story out, i kind of feel like i’ve said my piece — i’ve put so much into it that i don’t really know what else to say!

anyway, i always reply to questions, because that’s got clear social boundaries hahaha, and i DO love talking abt my stories!! and sometimes i’ll reply to comments that really get me thinking. but yeah, i know i reply less than i could, and i want to like double down on the fact that i am endlessly grateful for everyone who has ever left a comment on my work <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have killed simon snow twice lmfao. i’d actually classify icarus as rather hopeful — it’s about grief & healing. but legacies is just fucked up lmfao

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh man, i write a lot of happy endings haha. i feel like even when my story is tonally darker (rare), it still has a happy or at least hopeful ending. this is probably not the correct answer, but i think sing of the moon has a really vividly happy ending. like — the sun rises for the first time in the whole fic! amazing. or maybe my high school au, We Can Live Forever, which is just the happiest thing i’ve ever written. 

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, thankfully! people are smartasses sometimes but overall ive been lucky. there have been a couple of fics where ive winced before hitting post, but it usually ends up fine

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yessss. i guess i mostly write tender smut, bc i write tender things in general. i think my smut tends to be rather exploratory/playful as well? intentionally sloppy and awkward choreography hahaha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

sort of LOL. once upon a time i was betaing @tea-brigade's medieval snowbaz au, Reliquary of an Arsonist, and there’s this part where three highway bandits mug simon and baz and then get blasted by simon’s chosen one magic. i am sick in the head so im in the google doc like “lol what if its kandreil.” and then i was like… what if it was kandreil….. and so i wrote Reliquary of a Bandit

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! and i’m really thankful for everyone who has done so <3333 shoutout to russian aftg translators, yall go HARD

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i recently collaborated with @thewholelemon on our episode of Star Trek: Redemption, Heart-Shaped Box. by which i mean: i wrote the outline & a few scenes, got really overwhelmed, and jenny turned it into something worth reading! 

i also wrote Good Boy in the snowbaz stoner verse with @starwarned, which was rly fun — we sat in the google doc for like, 5 hours trading back and forth on POVs as we wrote pure porn together LOL. it’s funny to think about this, because lauren knows like everything abt me now but we did not know each other as well back then!!! and we were just like “yeah lets write porn together” hahahahha 

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

right now it is deeefinitely andreil… they are everything to me for reasons i just cannot possibly be brief about LOL so ill just leave it at that

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have a postcanon snowbaz time travel/time loop wip that i was going to try to write for COBB this year but i fucked up the deadlines then the brainrot was like “guess that means more andreil !”. i did SO MUCH research for it and i think it’s rather clever and smutty and fun bc they are yeeted back to watford era! but it’s also dealing with snowbaz, who are in their late 20s and are like in a relationship low point/actively fighting when they end up in the loop… so they are dealing with that tension at the same time as they are trying to get out of the loop. and also fucking around watford to fulfill fantasies HAHAHA

16. What are your writing strengths?

characterization is the thing i care most about! and i think that’s the draw of fanfic in particular to me — i love getting such a grasp on a character that i can translate them into endless situations while still making them feel true to self. i rarely let myself publish anything until i can read through the whole thing without any he would not fucking say that moments hahahha. this is of course pertaining to my own interpretations of the characters, which is the only thing i care abt lmfao

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i rely a lot on body language because im always writing abt reticent fuckers who cant use their words. but i think i sometimes overcompensate, or describe actions that don't actually fit the scene. i've seen this described as "cheek-biting" -- like, throwing in action during a conversation just to delay the pacing/further the tone, but when you really look at it, it's not necessary. (cheek-biting being like, "character bites at their cheek" in the middle of a tense conversation)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don’t really know any other languages! i think i’ve put a little bit of french in neil/kevin/baz POVs before, but my french knowledge is elementary at best. love the idea of it though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

one direction babyyyyyyyy !! i wrote quite a bit of it in like 2012-2015 but published very little. there’s 1 on my ao3, some lost somewhere on fanfiction.net (i dont rmr my username lol), and tons in my folders from my old laptop lol.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmmmm. im gonna cheat bc i cant pick a single favorite. i always say i think No Turning Back is some of my best writing from a craft standpoint, and it also includes my favorite type of conflict (andrew self-destructing lol). however, i reread both that fic & We Can Live Forever on a plane trip recently after not having touched either for 6+ months — and the solidness of We Can Live Forever actually surprised me, especially because i wrote the majority of that fic while i was stoned and also view it as just exceedingly silly. the world of it is just very rich, and also very very different from the typical character backstories, and i’m very proud of how much that reread played with my heartstrings.  

ok last one — there are several installments of my flashes of intimacy series that i come back to a lot, because i’m proud of what they each accomplish in 500 words. especially because i often turn to those when im trying to express my own emotions lol. specifically, my favorites are picking fights, i don’t mind, swimming lessons, and practicing gratitude.

that was such a bullshit and cocky way to answer this lmfaooooo. but tbh i am my own biggest fan and that is by design — i write stuff so that i can reread it months later and have it be perfectly catered to my tastes. i love all my fics <3

#my writing

[sineala]

Love your fics! Wanted to know your opinion about AXE now that it's finished :>

Oh boy oh boy! Thank you for asking! I loved AXE so much. It was definitely the best story I've ever read about what would happen if your house acquired sentience and hated you and decided to destroy the world.

Seriously, though -- I really loved AXE Judgment Day. I have a half-finished post where I was attempting to summarize the complete event with all the tie-ins and I should probably… finish reading all the tie-ins and finish writing that. I have an AXE Steve/Tony WIP -- the kind of fic that is basically meta disguised as a story where they talk through how they feel about the whole thing -- that is 42,000 words and I am nowhere near done yet. I honestly think it's one of the best line-wide Marvel events in a long time, which is really impressive when you consider that for the most part it's an event about the X-Men and the Eternals and I have almost no fannish interest in the Eternals and I haven't been consistently reading any X books since X Of Swords started.

So why do I like this event so much if it's not even about characters I am currently following? Well, I'm here for Steve/Tony, and I think it's a really good event for Steve and Tony, both as individual characters and for their relationship with each other, and I think the end of the story leaves them each in a really interesting place emotionally, with enough hanging threads that make it interesting to me fannishly.

We've had a few events in the past several years where Steve and Tony were basically on opposite sides -- Infinity (when you consider the fact that Tony has already been secretly betraying Steve), Axis, Time Runs Out/Secret Wars, Civil War II (when you consider the fact that it wasn't actually Steve), Secret Empire. Sometimes these events have prominently featured Steve and/or Tony, but as a Steve/Tony fan most of these weren't satisfying to me on an OTP level because they're not really on good terms. Although, yes, Secret Empire did provide a hell of a lot to think about and also some really interesting material for AUs because it did give us an evil Steve who, uh, canonically loves Tony. You should see my WIP list. But Secret Empire wouldn't make my list of events where Steve and Tony are BFFs, if you get what I mean.

We've had events where they were on the same side but the event wasn't really about them -- War of the Realms, Empyre, King in Black, Devil's Reign. (As far as I can tell, Devil's Reign never actually had the real Tony in it, either, but I will admit to not reading all the tie-ins.) Heroes Reborn was also a thing but didn't ever have Tony even meet Steve, AFAIK. So, I mean, it's nice that they don't hate each other but also they are just a couple characters in a cast of thousands. I think Empyre comes the closest, and I really enjoyed Empyre, but I wouldn't call Steve & Tony the stars of the event.

So AXE is one of the first events in a long time -- maybe since AvX? -- where both Steve and Tony have been friends on the same team with neither of them secretly being evil and where they have had big roles to play in the event itself. Both Steve and Tony have a lot to do in the mainline and Tony has an entire issue about him. Also, though I think it has its flaws, AXE is definitely much kinder to Tony than a lot of the other comics featuring Tony have been in a while. It portrays Tony and Steve as friends and as heroes genuinely trying to do good. And if you're like "isn't that what most superhero comics are like?" then you haven't been reading a lot of Iron Man comics in the past several years, although that is maybe, maybe starting to change.

I also think the setup of AXE is the kind of thing that lends itself to interesting fannish theorizing without being unkind to most of the heroes. I suppose technically it starts out as a hero vs. hero event, depending on who you consider heroes. A faction of Eternals decides that mutants are deviants and decides to wipe them out. The Avengers decide this is a bad idea and they and the remaining Eternals join in on the side of the mutants. Since Eternals have to do what Celestials tell them, the good guys (starring Tony) come up with a plan to reanimate Avengers Mountain (a dead Celestial) and it will become a god to the Eternals again and it'll tell them to knock it off with the mutant-killing. This works. Sort of. Then the Celestial decides it's going to judge the rest of humanity on an individual and a collective basis and everyone has to band together to try to stop it. Steve ends up basically leading humanity in battle and Tony ends up taking point on the strike team trying to bring the Celestial down from the inside. Literally the inside.

So, yes, as a Steve/Tony fan, I enjoy the fact that they're working together. They're friends! They're clearly coming up with plans together and they're concerned about each other and Steve doesn't even blame Tony for being the guy who arguably headed the project that started the mess in the first place.

Also Steve makes some great rallying speeches.

(Don't worry, Steve's fine.)

And Tony also makes some great speeches, honestly, just on a smaller scale.

I feel like the AA references in there are very in-character for Tony.

It's been my experience that fandom tends to really enjoy events that let them sort characters based on their beliefs and powers -- who would win in a fight? Who would support Registration? And this gets you that, and they don't even have to fight each other. Because what a lot of the tie-ins are about is "who passes, who fails, and why?" and so, without even pitting your faves against each other, you get to do the same kind of theorizing. And because Steve and Tony are major characters, we get to see both of their judgments, and we get a lot about Tony's.

And it's really cool, I think, because it absolutely does not go the way you think it would go. It does not go the way they think it will go. Because Steve is one of the very first to fail -- and Tony is at his side, wondering who possibly has a chance to pass if Steve fails. So Steve basically spends the whole rest of the event clearly feeling like a massive failure and trying to pull himself together for the rest of humanity. I have feelings about this.

And Tony, in a move that surprises everyone including himself, passes. There is a whole issue devoted to this and I really like it except for a couple of points I will detail below and also the fact that it requires us to acknowledge that Cantwell's run happened, which is a thing I was really trying to not do. Anyway, it has a great callback to The Confession.

Tony just doesn't want to let Steve down.

The whole thing is interesting. It gives you a lot to think about. They're clearly still both unsettled about this by the end of the event, and then Tony asks Steve to go hot-tubbing with him, which. You know. There's potential there. I and my massive WIP clearly think there's potential there.

So that's a lot of fun. At least, I think so.

This event has a downside for me, which is that it has a Did Not Do The Research problem. I think this is most apparent in AXE Avengers, the issue all about Tony, which includes such odd developments as "Tony agrees with the assertion that he likes to date people who are parental figures with strong moral compasses" (I have literally no idea where this is coming from, as I would have said that he likes to date people to try to kill him) and "the Celestial, in the form of Howard, tells Tony that they wanted him so badly but then he wasn't a great father to Tony." I feel like "we wanted you so badly" is an interesting way of describing "we adopted you solely because we needed a decoy son to save the life of our biological son." If this had been by any other writer, I would have said, oh, well, I guess they just didn't read the adoption arc. This is by Kieron Gillen. You know, the guy who wrote the adoption arc.

There are a couple of other places in the event itself where the plot doesn't match up to itself across comics, which you would probably expect in tie-ins except… these were all also by Kieron Gillen. So after Steve dies and is reborn from an egg, naked, in the Avengers Mansion kitchen (don't worry about it), he either has enough time to get dressed and talk to Tony before the strike team heads out (if you believe Death To The Mutants) or Tony is already on-mission when Steve hatches (if you believe the mainline). These are, again, both by the same writer.

Anyway, if you believe the version where Steve gets to wish Tony well, it's very sweet:

There is also one further instance where Not Doing The Research isn't a problem, per se, but there was one canonical reference that AXE Avengers could have made, that the entire issue was leading me to think that it was going to make, and then it got there and it didn't, presumably because Gillen didn't know it, and I was so confused because it would have made the issue so much stronger.

So the culmination of AXE Avengers features the Celestial reenacting Tony's parents' car accident, which the Celestial is using as an analogy for the disaster the world is currently going through, and asks Tony what Tony will do. Tony immediately heads to the car and starts trying to repair it and explains that it may not make a difference, but he has to try, and if he works hard enough, no one has to die in a car crash.

It's a nice moment. It's very Tony. It's very touching. It seems like a philosophy he would espouse. It is also an established canon fact that is thirty years old.

In Iron Man #288, we learn that the first thing Tony did after his parents' death was find out what the cause of the crash was (a flaw in the brake design). Then he spent forty hours redesigning the brakes in that car model, bought the car company, and implemented his new, improved brake design. So no one else was ever going to die in a crash like that.

So that thing he says in AXE Avengers that he would do, hypothetically, about fixing the car so no one else would die? He did it. It wasn't hypothetical. He actually 100% did that exact thing, in canon, when faced with this exact situation. So you can kind of see why I was expecting the AXE Avengers issue to refer to this, because I figured this was him describing the thing that he did. It would have been the perfect thing for him to mention. I just assumed that was what was going on here and we were leading up to that.

The issue does not refer to this fact, at all.

I don't know, I just thought it was a bizarre omission. I guess no one involved with this issue knew enough to mention it.

Also I feel like if I were the Avengers I personally would not want to move right back into living in the dead Celestial corpse as soon as it died and the fighting was over. They cannot be hurting that badly for real estate. I'm just saying.

But overall? Yeah, great event. I loved AXE Judgment Day. Give me ten more just like it.

#replies #seraphiine

[skellebonez]

Celestial Crossing (A MoonStone, SWKxChang'e, ship fic): Chapter 2- Would You Consider?

So… this is now a multichapter fic! There are just too many thoughts about these two and this au NOT to make it a long ongoing fic at this point. There will be some stuff posted out of order, as this will be much more chill than my Bunny Tang fic, but every chapter will be noted on where it takes place in the timeline in the start of a chapter (or in author notes). The fic's rating has also gone up on AO3 (G-T) because this story is touching upon a lot of heavier topics (this particular chapter has a soft warning in the tags here).

There is also a lot of nuance in their relationship I want to explore in future chapters, as I am intending to write SWK as demiromantic/demisexual in this particular au.

I hope you enjoy!

AO3 Link.

It’d been over a year.

Sun Wukong couldn’t believe that, but it was true. It had to be, the calendar and constellations he could see from the moon base window said so. And as much as he was the Great Sage, Equal to Heaven, who was he to question the stars themselves in regards to the passage of time?

Especially when they brought him to someone as wonderful as they had?

He couldn’t help but smile, thinking about how he took a chance on this. Took a chance on coming back up here, on seeing if she would talk to him, on seeing if she would give him a chance.

He knew it was a long shot, given her past. He would have been completely accepting if she had told him no, that they should remain friends, because he was always in want of new friends now that he was back to leaving the mountain again. He couldn’t bug MK and his friend group solely forever after all.

But she took a chance on saying yes as well. And now, here they are, two people who were tied to their past for so long taking a chance on each other.

And well. It had been a year.

They must have been doing something right.

He never thought he would ever get close enough to someone to feel this connected to him after his years of isolation, but somehow he did. Somehow she accepted him for all his weird little quirks, like how half of everything he ate needed to have peaches incorporated somehow, and respected all of his boundaries and needs.

Things were… well, he hesitated to say perfect.

But it was close.

“How do you feel about kids?”

Sun Wukong didn’t realize it was possible for him to choke on air the way he did, but he was glad it at least wasn’t the bite of mooncake that he had swallowed just a few seconds earlier.

“What… do you mean? Exactly?” He chanced slowly.

“Have you ever considered having any before?” Chang’e asked, elbows deep into some of the machinery within her factory (a normal sight given everything regularly needed maintenance from time to time).

Sun Wukong didn't know he could make the sound he did, in place of an actual answer.

Apparently Chang'e and all of her bunny-bots didn't know either, given the concerned looks they all shot him.

"I mean…" Sun Wukong said as he tugged at his shirt. "I… I can't say I've never thought of… kids… I just… I can't really… have any? Maybe. Maybe?"

"... you can't have kids?"

"I'm a rock,” Sun Wukong said quickly. “I… haven’t, you know, tried. But everyone I asked told me I probably couldn’t. I-”

“I’m sorry,” Chang’e said quickly, pulling her arms out of the machine and closing it back up before turning to him fully. “I shouldn’t have sprung the question on you so suddenly, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s ok,” Sun Wukong assured quickly, rushing over to hand her a cloth to wipe her hands on. “You didn’t know this was something I was… uh…”

“Sensitive about?” She offered.

“Not really that,” he said with a shrug. “I just… I love kids, actually! And if anyone asked I would probably just have said that. The whole time we were on the journey I would play with any kids we came across, make sure they were taken care of, that kind of stuff. But I’ve also never actually dated anyone before, let alone thought of having kids with them. So…”

“You were caught off guard?” Chang’e guessed, handing the dirty cloth to a bunny bot once her hands were clean. 

“Yeah,” he admitted with a laugh. “I’ve asked a couple of the other Gods if they thought I could before, like some of the fertility ones, out of curiosity. But they didn’t think it was possible. And I kinda resigned myself to that when I thought I would never be lucky enough to find someone to be with, either.”

“Well, both of us were wrong on the second front,” Chang’e said with a wistful laugh. “Not every immortal is lucky enough to have a second chance after pining over their lost first love like I am.”

Sun Wukong couldn’t help but watch as her face fell into something… not quite sad, but almost nostalgic. No doubt remembering her first love. She’d told him a lot about Houyi, not in a comparing sort of way but just to tell him. And he listened to every second, wanting to honor the memory of him with her. He had seemed like quite the man.

How Chang’e had fallen for him, someone so different from her first love, Sun Wukong still had not been able to hazard a guess.

“I think I’m the lucky one here,” he said with a smirk. “Not everyone gets to earn the love of THE greatest pastry chef outside of this world, after all.”

“Oh you stop that!” Chang’e said with a chuckle as they made their way out of the factory. “I’m the ONLY pastry chef ‘outside of this world’, Monkey Man.”

“See, greatest!”

The two of them laughed as they walked through her garden, watching the bunny robots go about their patrols to make sure the vegetation was growing healthily. Until…

“Can I ask you something else about kids?” Chang’e asked slowly.

“Sure.”

“Have you ever thought about what you would want out of them?” She asked. “Like… what kind of people you would want them to be.”

“I’d want them to be… happy,” Sun Wukong eventually answered. “However they would turn out, whatever they end up being… I’d want them to be happy.”

“That’s a pretty good answer,” Chang’e said wistfully. “You ever think about adopting?”

“Does MK count?”

The laughter that Chang’e let out was like bells.

“Sure, he counts,” she said with a smile. “He’s a pretty great kid, hero status bias aside.”

“22 years and still a baby to us,” Sun Wukong said with a chuckle. “Though, don’t let him know I said that. He’s developed a good left hook.”

The unspoken questions that his Not Quite Wife asked lingered between them, the Great Sage more than capable of picking up on context clues.

‘Would you have kids with me?’

Would you.

~

Sun Wukong was heading to Pigsy’s Noodles.

He needed to get his mind off of this. It was… it was a lot.

He didn’t know how to process it.

He just needed a bowl of noodles and maybe a quick sparring session with  everyone’s favorite local hero/delivery boy/sucessor.

At least, that’s what he thought he would be doing.

Until we walked in to see MK tossing a small child up in the air, the rest of the shop empty save for the namesake chef in the kitchen (not even a Tang in sight, strange).

“... what… did I miss?” Sun Wukong asked as an announcement, freezing when the kid pointed at him midair.

“MONKEY KING!” The kid yelled at the top of his lungs, letting out an oomph when MK caught him on the fall back down. “It’s Monkey King, MK, it’s him!”

“Yeah it is, Fenhua,” MK said with a laugh as he held him. “That’s my mentor. Monkey King, this is Fenhua. His mom’s a regular here and needed someone to look after him while she went to a doctor’s appointment.”

“You offer free babysitting to your regulars?” Sun Wukong asked in confusion as the kid squirmed in MK’s hold. He looked to be barely 4 years old, maybe even barely 3 and a half. He wasn’t great with kid ages.

He sat down at the bar, chuckling at the sigh and shake of the head he got from Pigsy.

“No, Wukong, we don’t,” Pigsy said with joking annoyance. “We do favors for people who need it and who have been coming here since the kid was born, though, because they’re friends at this point. Usual?”

“Actually, could I have some of your signature noodles? Vegan?” Sun Wukong asked apologetically. “I wanna be here for a while.”

Pigsy shot him a look before shrugging. “Not a problem, give me the extra time.”

“I’ve got plenty todAY!” Sun Wukong jumped, looking back at the lump that had launched himself at the monkey’s back. “Hi?”

“MK said you can eat metal!” Fenhua asked excitedly. “Do you!?”

“I said he could, not that he liked to!” MK said as he rushed over to gently pull the kid off his mentor. "Sorry, he… really likes hearing about you, since he knows I'm your student."

"And did you say mostly good things about me?" He asked with a smirk. "You didn't tell him I ATE KIDS did you!?"

As he said this he swooped down, grabbing Fenhua and pretending to eat his arm as he sat him on his knee.

The kid screamed loudly, offset by his just as loud laughter.

"He said you're the STRONGEST ever!" Fenhua explained as he bounced on the sage's leg excitedly. "He-he said you beat up a WHOLE world!"

"Not the whoooole world," MK explained with a laugh. He moved to a table, grabbing some papers and bringing them over. "The celestial realm."

"See… cerl… seelastial realm!"

"Pretty close, kid, not bad!" Sun Wukong said with a chuckle. "That's a hard word for… hmm… how old are you?"

"4 and 20 days!" Fenhua said confidently.

"Such a big boy!" Sun Wukong said in exaggerated amazement. "You're almost the age I was when I first went to school."

"I start in a few months," the child said as he went off on a tangent about how he would be getting ready for it.

Sun Wukong listened to every word, making sure to show interest when appropriate to keep the kid talking excitedly.

He and MK showed him the papers, art they had been working on before Fenhua had asked MK for "air bounces" as they apparently called them.

All the while this was backed by the sound of Pigsy cooking up his signature noodles. Sun Wukong could have sworn he heard some snorts and chuckles from the chef, particularly when the Sage made some particularly stupid jokes.

It didn't take long for the kid to wind down, slowly yawning and rubbing his eyes. MK explained that he had already eaten and, well, it was past nap time for him actually.

And before he could move him, Fenhua just.

Fell asleep.

On his lap.

While Sun Wukong was holding him.

"You look practically parental," Pigsy said as he laid out the immortal’s order and handed another to MK. "Take this a few streets over to the art store for me, will ya? I have a feeling Fenhua isn’t going anywhere and it’s the only order we’ve had in the last half hour.”

“Sure thing! See you in a sec, Monkey King!”

Before he could voice his protest, MK rushed off to do his delivery job, leaving the immortal with a sleeping child and a smirking chef.

“You sent him out on purpose.”

“I wanted to talk to ya alone,” Pigsy said with a shrug. “And you need to give these noodles a couple minutes to cool off anyway.”

“Uh, what about?” Sun wukong chanced with a chuckle. “What, am I training MK on the days you need him again? We can reschedule, no problem.”

“This ain’t about MK,” Pigsy said with a shake of his head. “It’s about how you looked when you got here.”

Oh.

“How I… looked?”

“You looked like your entire world was pulled out from under ya, Wukong,” Pigsy said softly. “It wasn’t until you started interacting with the kid that you perked up. What happened?”

He debated lying. Or side stepping. Telling Pigsy it was nothing or that he had just broken another artifact and didn’t know how to tell the celestial it belonged to what happened. But he knew Pigsy wasn’t stupid. He knew he would ask questions.

And… he did promise to be more honest… and out of everyone, except perhaps Sandy, Pigsy was the one person he felt he might be able to talk to about this.

“I… Chang’e asked me about… having kids the other day,” he admitted, noting the shocked look on the other’s face that popped up instantly. “And I had to tell her that I didn’t think I could have kids. But I wasn’t sure so I. I went to a fertility clinic to get checked… And uh…”

“Bad news?”

Sun Wukong nodded, taking a deep breath to steady himself.

“Very bad,” he explained. And then he continued.

As it would turn out, the answer to whether or not he and Chang’e would have children was no.

But not willingly.

He would never be able to face Chang’e directly when he would have to admit he went to be checked out at a fertility clinic, just to be sure. Her questions made him second guess all the celestials who had told him he would likely never be able to have kids of his own.

They were right.

Sun Wukong didn’t realize how much hearing that would male his stomach sink.

Sure, he THOUGHT he would never have kids of his own. But he held out hope that, maybe, with some magic involved something might happen. Not to find out he would never be able to father one at all no matter what.

“They said I’m completely infertile,” he said with a humorless chuckle. “Just. Nothing there. No possibility of. Anything. No accidents, nothing on purpose. Nothing they can do to make it possible for me. Turns out being born from a rock makes you just. Not able to have kids like that. The fertility gods told me I couldn’t centuries ago, but I thought ‘hey, I defied them before so maybe they’re wrong!’ … but they were right.”

“...I’m sorry,” Pigsy said softly. Honestly. He reached out, resting a hand on the Monkey King’s shoulder. “You… sound like you wanted to try.”

“I did,” Sun Wukong admitted. “I didn’t realize I would want to with her until she asked, but I did.”

“Are you going to look into other options?” Pigsy asked before cringing. “Sorry, that. That’s probably too soon to ask.”

“It’s ok,” Sun Wukong said. “I mean. We could do… other stuff? Like the river water. Chang’e would have to be ready for that and I don’t know if she is. I know we could adopt, but…”

He trailed off, shaking his head.

“But what?”

“What… what if I mess up again?” Sun Wukong asked as he looked at the child in his arms. “I… I’ve messed up so much as a mentor. What if this is a sign telling me I don’t deserve to be a dad after all. What if I mess up as a dad too? ”

“You’re gonna mess up,” Pigsy said without missing a beat. “A lot. You’re never going to stop messing up.”

As much as he tried not to admit it, Sun Wukong could feel his stomach growing cold and his face falling as he listened to Pigsy say this. He was right. He had always messed up and would always mess up, wouldn’t he? He-

“And that’s ok.”

“... huh?”

Sun Wukong looked at the other in confusion.

“Messing up is part of being a parent,” Pigsy continued with a soft smile. “I should know. I’ve messed up so many times with MK.”

“But… he’s fine!” Sun Wukong said with genuine shock. “You mean… messing up won’t…”

“Break the kid?” Pigsy finished, waiting for Sun Wukong to nod. “If messing up ruined your kids, no one would be a put together adult. I fed MK things that made him sick, left him alone with art supplies, lost my temper and had to apologize. I ain’t proud of any of that. But I didn’t break him, and I learned from all of my mistakes. And I think MK turned out pretty great, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, he did,” Sun Wukong couldn’t help but agree.

“If you treat kids the way you’ve been treating MK after Lady Bone Demon? Or Fenhua today? You don’t have anything to worry about. Now go on, eat up, your noodles should be fine by now.”

And with that, Pigsy turned around without another word.

It wasn’t easy to get a good spoonful of broth or a bite of noodles with the kid in his lap.

But he managed.

And Pigsy was right, they were the perfect temperature.

Maybe…

He was right about how he would be with a kid too…

~

“Oh! It really is S-Sun Wukong!”

“I told you he was in good hands.”

The mentioned Sage turned at the unfamiliar voice, seeing MK arrive back with a woman.

It didn’t take many context clues for him to guess this was Fenhua’s mother.

“Well, what better hands for someone to be in than mine?” He said jokingly, standing up and holding the young child as carefully as possible. “He’s been asleep for a while.”

“He doesn’t fall asleep for anyone else except MK and my husband,” his mother said with amazement. “Thank you so much. I hope he wasn’t too much trouble.”

“None at all,” Sun Wukong said with a wide smile. “It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to answer such an excited fan one on one.”

“He was absolutely enthralled with the monkey,” Pigsy yelled from the kitchen. “You would have mistaken him for family if you didn’t know any better.”

“You’d be a great dad, a bet,” Pigsy’s regular said with a chuckle. “... I’m sorry, that was weird! I hope that wasn’t rude! It’s just… if THE Sun Wukong had a kid, I think we’d all… I’m embarrassing myself, aren’t I?”

Sun Wukong looked down at the kid in his arms, sleeping soundly with an iron grip on his sleeve. And all he could think of was ‘damn…I really do want to be a dad…’

“Not at all. Maybe I should offer some babysitting services,” he said jokingly.

“Not in my shop you ain’t!” Pigsy softly yelled from the kitchen. “This was a one time favor!”

Everyone couldn’t help but chuckle as the regular took her son from the sage’s arms, Fenhua barely rousing at the jostle.

“Mama?” He said softly as she leaned him against her shoulder.

“Yes, honey, it’s time to go home.”

“Ok… bye Mr. Sage, bye Gege...”

“AH,” MK’s mouth dropped open as the young child’s mother chuckled, the little guy already dozing back off in her arms again. 

It took a whole minute after they left for him to turn to Sun Wukong and Pigsy with a wide smile. 

“He called me Gege!” MK said giddily, flapping his hands up and down.

MK was so… clearly excited by this.

Sun Wukong smiled softly, almost missing the knowing look Pigsy shot him.

Co-parents to the same overpowered Monkie Kid didn’t need to say anything to know MK would be a fantastic big brother.

~

“I’m sorry, Peach Pie,” Chang’e said when Sun Wukong told her. “Maybe… they’re wrong? We could try anyway! I’d try as long as we need to!”

“I don’t think that we can ‘try’ a child into existence with what they told me,” Sun Wukong said with a soft shake of his head. “I just… can’t have any kids with you. I… I understand if that’s too much, you’re the one who brought them up and-”

“What? No!” Chang’e said instantly, grabbing his face to make him look at her. “Wukong, I’m not going to leave you because we can’t have a kid together. Never. I’m sorry if I made you think I would ever consider that… I just…” She sighed, looking out at the garden on the other side of the Flower Fruit Mountain portal the Sage had set up. “I love you. Even if we can never have a child, that’s not going to change. I’ve been here alone for centuries, just having you for company with everyone you bring to me? Is plenty. It was just on my mind for so long I wanted to be... honest with you."

“I’m glad you were,” he said, unsure of how else to respond. Because he was. “But it gets lonely when we’re not here, right?”

“Yeah…” Chang’e admitted. “And I never got to have kids before coming here. I guess I also… wanted to pass on everything I know to someone, give them a good life up here. Maybe that's silly.”

“Not at all. It’s nice. It’s a good want to have, Mooncake.”

There was a silence between them, understanding and not as awkward as Sun Wukong expected.

"We could adopt," Chang'e said as they watched the little monkeys being handed between the elders. "Lots of kids would love being taken to the moon."

"I don't think adoption agencies would amicable toward 'monkey dad flies/passed small baby through portal to moon to visit mom daily'," Sun Wukong said with a laugh. “But… I was going to suggest the same thing. I think I'd be the most comfortable with that."

"They don't have to be a baby!" Chang'e countered with a pout. "They just have to love mooncakes. But…” She smiled, grabbing her partner’s hand. “I’m glad you already gave that some thought."

"I am too,” Sun Wukong said. “And? That criteria sounds easy enough to fit."

The two reached through the portal, hands intertwined as they kissed. Earth and space meeting and melding together for a few seconds.

“Come on up,” Chang’e said once they broke apart. “One of my bunny bots broke earlier today and I can use some help getting them back up and running.”

“Let’s get the little buddy back into shape, then!”

… they could not have guessed what would happen next.

#monkie kid #lego monkie kid #lmk chang'e #lmk sun wukong #lmk monkey king #lmk pigsy #lmk mk #lmk qi xiaotian #fanfic #ship fic #warning: talk of infertility #demi is still within the asexual spectrum but I did a lot of research into the differences to be safe #I am trying to write their relationship as respectfully on both sides as I can #lmk oc

[seelestia]

[ with commentaries from yours truly, thanks for making this year awesome for me! ✨ ]

I posted 421 times in 2022

That's 421 more posts than 2021!

303 posts created (73%)

118 posts reblogged (27%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@seelestia

@zhongrin

@medeaheartly

@biuun

@monicahar

[ shout outs to my fav homies! sorry for the mention, but you made it into my year of review post, hehe. ]

I tagged 418 of my posts in 2022

#ask box! 📬 - 220 posts

#visitor: dearest rin! 💠 - 48 posts

#reblogs! 🕊️ - 45 posts

#in case you missed it! 🎐 - 36 posts

#visitor: dearest jae! 👹✨ - 31 posts

#anon visitors! 🔎 - 27 posts

#chit chat! 🍵 - 25 posts

#visitor: dearest ri! 🍃 - 24 posts

#genshin x reader - 24 posts

#visitor: dearest brainrot anon! 💭 - 23 posts

[ darn, i answered over 200+ asks?? THAT'S KINDA A LOT. niceeee, this year has been fun getting to talk to everyone! >:) ]

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#for the current banners tho: luckily i already have both ganyu and kokomi! so i'll just be saving comfortably during this second phase &lt;3

[ ah, the twenty days during the 2nd phase of v3.0 where all i did was chill because i already have both of them <3 reminds me that i only have four males out of the fifteen five-stars in my whole roster LMAOOO ]

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

— 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐅𝐈𝐄, 𝐂'𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐄!

SUMMARY. some headcanons about sumeru men as your boyfriend in the modern ages. (teyvat who? we only know earth.)

CHARACTERS. tighnari, cyno, alhaitham, kaveh, scaramouche/wanderer.

GENRE. fluff, crack, modern au.

CW. lowercase intended, use of pet names, written before kaveh and wanderer's release, scara is referred to as kunikuzushi.

THOUGHTS. this format is a bit different than my regular ones, but i hope this is still able to tickle a little laugh out of someone &lt;3

✰ masterlist.

See the full post

2,112 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

[ everyone, would you believe me if i said that i wasn't really proud of this when i wrote it?? i think it's because i'm more used to longer and more detailed hcs — but this was still fun to write and re-read tho! i stay loyal to my dramatic simp kaveh supremacy <3 ]

#4

— 𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄.

SUMMARY. they come home to find you asleep on the couch while waiting for their return.

CHARACTERS. ayato, diluc, childe, albedo, alhaitham.

GENRE. domestic fluff.

CW. mentions of sharing a bed (but nothing suggestive), reader gets carried bridal style (diluc), reader calls childe 'ajax'.

THOUGHTS. this mix of characters may seem random, but they just came to mind when i first thought of this concept. also, because sleepy reader supremacy !! &lt;3

✰ masterlist.

See the full post

2,176 notes - Posted October 5, 2022

[ ngl, this is one of the works alongside 'while the rain pours' that gives me sm comfort when i wrote it. i still re-read this occasionally and i'm vv proud of how it turned out! it makes me happy to know that you guys like it too, hehe. comfort works >>> 🤞 ]

#3

— (𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓) 𝐏𝐔𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐎𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃𝐄𝐑.

SUMMARY. depraved of sleep, you begin to doze off and before you know it, you've fallen asleep with their shoulder as your pillow.

CHARACTERS. tighnari, alhaitham, cyno.

GENRE. sugary fluff, established relationship.

CW. reader has eyebags, alhaitham recites a physics theory (yes, it's a warning /j).

THOUGHTS. yet another attempt at writing sumeru men because... just because + to celebrate tighnari coming home to me! on the contrary, i hope you guys will win your next 50/50's &lt;3

✰ masterlist.

See the full post

2,880 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

[ ah, yes, the cliché trope of falling asleep on top of your lover's shoulder. i was still high on my sumeru men marathon at that time, so those three guys naturally became my victims. and i honestly don't know why i put the bracketed "don't", but i thought it felt fitting because tighnari was so tsundere-ish throughout the whole thing LMAOOO ]

#2

— 𝐈𝐃𝐈𝐎𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐘.

❝𝐈𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥.❞

SUMMARY. refers to a behaviour or way of thought peculiar to an individual; but in this case, it's something that they do around you and only you.

CHARACTERS. tighnari, alhaitham, cyno.

GENRE. fluff, a moderate amount of crack, established relationship.

CW. mentions of cute aggression and affectionate bullying (in tighnari's part), the reader is down bad for alhaitham and he knows it, one dad joke about cryo slimes (in cyno's part).

THOUGHTS. finally managed to finish this draft while i was on my mini vacay >:) this is my first time writing sumeru men, so feel free to lmk what you think! &lt;3

✰ masterlist.

See the full post

4,967 notes - Posted September 6, 2022

[ the cryo slime joke that cyno made was actually from his leaked voicelines but i didn't say anything abt it, hehe. + it just occurred to me that this was written before cyno's release and since then, my characterization of him has deffo changed a bit after finally meeting him in sumeru. this is making me miss my sumeru men era ngl AAAAA ]

My #1 post of 2022

★彡 𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐘 𝐈𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐆𝐀𝐙𝐄.

❝𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥, 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐚𝐦 𝐈 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮?❞

SUMMARY. redamancy is a love returned in full — except you express that by staring at your lover like a madman.

CHARACTERS. xiao, venti, kazuha, heizou, zhongli, albedo, gorou, itto, scaramouche, ayato, childe, diluc, thoma, kaeya.

GENRE. cotton candy fluff, little bits of crack, teeny tiny angst in kaeya's part, established relationship.

CW. use of pet names.

THOUGHTS. weewoo, my first multi post! i may have screamed, kicked my feet in the air, and sobbed while writing this and i hope you do too <3 /pos

☆ masterlist.

See the full post

12,214 notes - Posted July 17, 2022

[ here comes my magnum opus of the year or of this blog's whole lifetime, actually. i didn't expect it to blow up sm and it honestly still has me taken aback 😭 (/pos) but i'm glad so many people liked it! i'll deffo try to put out more multi charas posts with varying themes in the future <3 ]

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#thanks a lot for sticking with me this year! #giving out free cookies and hugs to you all <3 #let's make more stupid memories going forward hehe >:)

[darkpoisonouslove]

I heard Infinity by Jaymes Young the other day and Idk why but at the line "And we could wear the same crown ... We are the gods now" I've got Griffin and Valtor vibes and then a thought occurred to me. We know Valtor saw himself as THE wizard of the dimension and always wanted more power. I see him like that in the past too. I also have that headcanon that the circle consisted of several wizards and witches and it was regulated hierarchically, so Valtor was obviously somewhere in the top because he was the strongest member. And while Griffin was still an circle member she has also an high position.

Do you think Valtor ever compared himself and Griffin to gods in general? Because with his ego I can see him doing that with himself. But do you think he also sees Griffin as his "Queen" and wanted the people around them and who are under them to respect her like that? And what would happened to the people who don't ? (He knows she can handle herself but I can also see how he's doing what ge wants to)

First off, I had assigned Infinity to my The Heart Wants What It Was Promised by the Stars fanfic. I hate to link it here because both the writing and characterization are very outdated and I cringe when I remember it BUT I have to give context to what I'm talking about. I did also have an AU of that AU which I now think should have been the main story. Valtor gets executed, Griffin somewhat moves on to where she's happy enough with her husband and they have a child, then Valtor comes back and can't stand the fact that she's married to someone else and isn't completely disgusted by that fact. Worst of all, Codatorta knows Valtor is there and yet, he hasn't given him up to the authorities which would force Griffin to choose Valtor. So Valtor starts trying to convince her that Codatorta doesn't really love her (because he's not possessed by murderous jealousy like Valtor is) and to piss off Codatorta enough to break up their fragile bond so that Griffin can be only his again. Don't know where I would take that but I am liking it more and more. Brain, no! Brain, yes!

As for Valtor feeling like they're gods and she's his queen? Long Live the Queen. It's a fanfic I wrote 3 and a half years ago inspired by Halsey's Young God which is THE GxV coven-times song.

Also, I have more thoughts on how the Coven works. These are all about my rewrite and I was planning on keeping my mouth shut but since that's probably just going to end up as me doing bullet points of my ideas for each episode, I figured I might as well talk about them now.

In my headcanons the Ancestral Witches are incorporeal because otherwise they would have wrecked shit all over the universe, not just on Domino and not just that one time. Plus, they are pure evil and their purpose is to destroy the whole universe. For that they have to snuff out the Dragon Fire first, though. But they are incorporeal. So they are trying to acquire bodies and this is where their descendants come in. Anyone can become a descendant of the Ancestral Witches but I am not going to explain that now (I think I might have done it already somewhere but I have too many posts to know for sure). The Coven is formed by the descendants so that they can get everything done to help the Ancestral Witches get bodies. Plus, they can possess their descendants but they don't like to do that because it confines them to the power level of the people they're possessing aka it leaves them too weak (and the possessed person dies once they are done possessing the body).

The Coven is ineffective because there's a lot of competitiveness between different groups of descendants as they're all trying to prove themselves by being the ones to actually achieve the goals of making the Ancestral Witches corporeal and destroying the Dragon Fire. The Coven almost gets wiped out but because the Ancestral Witches can only be killed if their essence in the Whisperian Crystals is destroyed, new descendants keep appearing and the Coven reforms again. The Ancestral Witches create Valtor, though, with the idea that him being under their direct control makes him perfect to act as a leader of the Coven to avoid such uncoordinated disaster again.

Everyone in the Coven is kind of fawning over him or at least trying to impress him to further their own ambition and as much as Valtor likes being the center of attention, he really hates this situation because he knows that they only care about him as an extension of the Ancestral WItches. Plus, he thinks most of them incompetent and dislikes working with them (because like I said, anyone could become a descendant of the Ancestral WItches without consideration of power levels or abilities or anything else). But then he meets Griffin. Her particle manipulation magic is very rare and intriguing. He thinks it might have something to do with the Dragon Fire because it created everything and her magic is based on the similarity between all matter. It does not have anything to do with the Dragon Fire as magic is more self-actualization and Griffin has always considered change (of the system) her primary goal so she manifested that magic for herself.

Still, that makes her very impressive in a whole another way. And Valtor likes that she can keep up with him (but without surpassing him) even though she doesn't have as much experience as he does. Plus, she's a challenge in a way because she's not that impressed with him and is giving him the cold shoulder which just makes it that much more important to him to seduce her. And he knows she's with the Coven because of him. She's not a descendant of the Ancestral Witches and everyone was pissed off when Valtor brought her into the fold but she's been giving more than amazing results so the Ancestral Witches deemed her useful. From then on, Valtor makes it clear that anyone that dares look at her the wrong way is dead because all the other Coven members are expendable and Griffin is his.

#winx club #winx griffin #winx valtor #griffin x valtor #covenshipping #winx headcanons #wc rewrite #my fanfic #music #au #ask #anon

[fanfictionsquared]

I’m reworking my one MoD!Harry AU. Details below the cut.

Who did I draw in the pic?

Regulus (sharp cheekbone, curly hair that changes length)

Sirius (in the jacket with pins hehe)

Lily Luna (red hair)

Teddy (blue hair)

What is the AU now, FF^2?

*inhales deeply*

SO. Everything’s mostly canon (not cursed child compliant tho lmao), and Harry is officially Master of Death since he was the owner of all three hallows at the same time. This means, essentially, that he is now the personification/god of death.

Since Harry is Harry tho, he doesn’t want to live forever alone, and so his friends and family try to help him find a way to get out of it. There isn’t one. So he is, of course, resigned to living forever alone.

Except his friends decide “no, no thanks, we’re not letting you do this alone.” So when Harry dies and ‘ascends,’ his family and friends choose to ascend with him. He’s able to reach already dead souls using the stone, so Sirius also ends up making the choice to ascend too. The rest of the dead are content staying where they are.

(I have,,,, such a long list of who ascends and what they do and blah blah blah, but I’m not gonna get into it because it is….. so much. It’s truly just so much.)

The important thing is that the way this works is that the universe resets itself every so often, slightly different each time. And certain things carry through, like tales turning into mythos. Harry and his immortal (sometimes reincarnating) family, are the focus of several of these myths, including the harbingers of the apocalypse one.

So when his family meddles, it’s usually with those names, rather than their original ones. Which, when they interact with alternate incarnations of people they know, can cause some shenanigans.

What is actually depicted in your doodles?

Regulus,,,, listen he is my current blorbo and I just wanted to draw him, ok? The jegulus fandom got its teeth in me and now I’m thinking about Harry Potter stuff again. (Speaking of which! Fuck JKR.)

In this AU, he doesn’t ascend with everyone else, but instead ascends later during a whole thing that I will maybe actually write into a fic. Maybe.

Top left is just the first full body Regulus design I did. Dipping my toes in, you could say. Key things; he’s younger in this. Pre-ascension. He’s wearing slytherin’s locket for plot reasons.

Top middle is the Black brothers with their animagus forms behind them. And yes I made regulus’ a lion. Tbh I think he deserves it. He’s dangerous, lazy, proud, sneaky, and at the end he was really, really brave. I know lots of people make him a house cat, but like. If Sirius can have his star’s namesake as an animagus form, so can regulus.

Below that, we have Regulus saying “Potter?” While looking shocked. I won’t elaborate too much on this for plot reasons (in case I write the fic), BUT, this is the moment that he learns that Lily Luna is a Potter.

To the right of that is the brother hanging out and being cute and I love them. I just want them to reconcile and talk and be family again 😭. Also I want Sirius to have 100 little gay pins for his leather jacket. He deserves it.

Bottom left is Lily Luna and Regulus together. I this AU on particular, Regulus has a mentor/mentee and uncle adjacent relationship with her. They are cute, and I love them, and I won’t hear otherwise, sorry not sorry.

Bottom right is the only doodle I will give spoilers for. It’s post-ascension, where Regulus, Sirius, LilyLuna, and Teddy are all about to wreck some shit. The rest of the family jokingly calls them the “Grim Squad”, because all of them go out and hunt down wayward or death cheating souls. So if you see them, you’re their target, and will die. Just like the Grim thing.

Last words

This is a self indulgent au, and idk if I’ll write it, but maybe I’ll elaborate on it more here if anyone is actually interested. Either way, I’m just happy I had the motivation to draw this 😌

#regulus arcturus black #sirius orion black #teddy remus lupin #lily luna potter #fuck jkr #one of these days I’m gonna stop putting my au doodles on one big sheet #that day is not today #will I write the fic? maybe

[snowsheba]

ALSO not to steal ur ask but at first i also wanted to ask you as many as you wanted to answer but your tags seemed so contemplative i didn't want to pry LOL but your ask has emboldened me so... any extras you haven't answered that you particularly want to share!

EHEHEHEHEHE

i love talking about myself. LOL. under cut to spare your dashboards

1. what's the fic you're most proud of?

"thanks dad, love hana" was a HUGE undertaking. kind of wild how far i went and how well i made it work looking back.

that said: i am most fond of my grand theft auto/aveyond crossover au. it's the exact brand of controlled chaos full of fun and angst and random shit that i crave, LOL.

2. what's a fic that took you to an emotional/dark/hard place?

answered!

3. what fic are you emotionally attached to?

answered!

4. what fic of your own do you read for comfort?

i wouldn't call them "fics," but i do have some long-form fic starring original characters that i wrote and read back pretty consistently because they are honestly excellent. i haven't posted them anywhere because they are super niche, but i can if people are curious.

5. what fic of your own won't you read?

LOL... the ones that remained buried in my external hard drive... they can stay there.

6. what's the hardest part of the writing process for you?

probably starting? this is why i start with writing the summary, because otherwise it gets weird when i start out. oftentimes i have like three or four false starts before i get into a groove that i like. (i save all the false starts, too! they often get reused and recycled later on in the story.)

7. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

tdlh's success kind of ruined the whole thing for me in some ways. on the one hand, you get accustomed to HUGE amounts of interaction, so having no interaction feels weird. on the other hand, there is so much interaction that it is overwhelming, and it's not good when responding to engagement becomes a chore.

before i wrote tdlh i craved feedback and support because mental eelness and whatever. afterwards... it really put into perspective who i was writing for. most often i wasn't writing for me, i was writing for others. now that i'm writing for myself, i don't need feedback or support in the same way.

i mean let's be clear though i still LOVE to get engagement in general. it feels good when people like the stuff i write!!

8. does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

my immediate family does, in the sense that they know i write it (i don't share it with them lol). my partner does as well! but otherwise very, VERY rarely do i let irl people know i write fic.

9. what's your writing process like?

answered!

10. how has writing positively impacted your mental health or overall mood?

writing saved my life! this is undoubtedly true. i would not be here if i hadn't started writing when i did for as long as i have.

these days it's less of a coping mechanism and more of a fun hobby, and i always feel good when i finish something off and post it. the satisfaction of a story well-written is wonderful.

11. Has a fic you’ve written ever caused issues/controversy?

BOY. OH YES. i learned a lot from the experience, too.

essentially: overwatch has two characters, one is [finger wiggles] hispanic and the other is white, the man of color is demonized and becomes this evil terrible terrorist (real original, blizzard) while the white dude becomes this righteous rogue vigilante. i kept these roles in the fic i wrote them in and people started talking about the racist implications of this. rightfully so because it IS racist. this isn't the only big thing, but this is the one that was focused on because people shipped these two pretty hard back in the day.

it draws an interesting line though - as a fic writer, i can change the canon and do whatever i want. but i didn't do that, because i wanted to stay true to canon. if you had asked me back then, i would have said that's a good reason to let it be, but these days, i would have if not addressed it directly then changed it as needed to both suit my purposes and also... not have racism baked in if possible...

it's tough when your source material is already problematic enough and its parent company is a literal shitshow of issues (here's a pretty good summary of events). i take responsibility for the harm that my particular rendition did, but i would be remiss if i didn't acknowledge that actively writing a fic that attempts to remain consistent with canon (i.e. i would change story beats 30 chapters down the line when new lore came out) is bound to be as problematic as the source material itself.

12. What’s your perfect environment to create/write?

answered!

13. Do you take pride in your writing, or does it embarrass you? Why?

i DO take pride in my writing. it also embarrasses me immensely.

i don't want to show my ass too much, but i grew up in a household where if i wasn't working on school stuff i'd get punished, so obviously my parents hated how much time i spent writing. there was a lot of shame that went along with it because of the whole "why does it even matter? it's not original fiction" thing as well, so i am very protective of my fanworks and don't advertise them at all irl. because it's embarrassing to explain myself over and over again to people who really don't care, LOL.

of course, these days my parents love to fawn about how good of a writer i am and make me write the yearly christmas newsletters and whatever, but that's parents for you!

14. Do you compare yourself to other writers? In a positive or negative way?

i think i used to, in the way that every kid aspires to be like a particular role model. these days, not at all - there's no point in it. i know my strengths!

15. How do you think your writing as improved over time?

i stopped using ellipses so much, for one. LOL.

in general, reading lots of books and being exposed to lots of different writing mediums has given me a lot of perspective. that's more valuable than anything else, imo. having more experiences to fall back on, more knowledge of the world around me, and a better understanding of people means that my written works have more depth and scope. i think in terms of technical skill i've plateaued to a point that i'm happy with, but when it comes to the actual content and its presentation (i guess rhetoric is the term here), there is ALWAYS more to learn. i've definitely gotten better at rhetoric over the years.

16. Do you re-read old fics? Is there a time in your writing you won’t go back to?

answered!

17. What’s the best engagement/interaction/feedback you’ve received from someone who’s read your work?

answered!

18. Do you only write when you’re inspired, or do you try and sit down at specific times and write no matter what?

these days i only really do write when i feel inspired to, but that's not because i don't think writing regularly is boring. i mentioned this in another post somewhere, but the majority of my high-volume writing output was during a time of deep depression - writing was an escape, and now that i don't need to escape anymore, it's hard to resume my previous schedule. moreoever, i don't want to, because that schedule was symptomatic of other issues for me. so just when i'm inspired! it helps that when i open a file and look at it, i often feel compelled to write a bit more as the ideals percolate in my brain.

19. If you could write an ideal fic, what would it include?

this changes day by day, but i looooooove a good banter. (what a shocker, i know.) i also love huge explosive emotions and the fallout from them. if a fic can answer the question of what it means to be human in some way, then it's ideal for me.

20. What’s the greatest gift you’ve gotten from your writing?

friends! i've met so many cool people through writing and i continue to keep meeting cool people as i continue to write. it's a gift that never stops giving 🥰

#iztopher #DON'T BE SORRY... i was being contemplative because it was 2AM and my pain meds hadn't kicked in yet LOL #TY FOR THE ASK!!!

[riseuplikeglitterandgold]

📃💻🎧🔬👽👀✍🏽🌈📬💾🏚🥚😊🪡🎨

!!!! <3

this is so long lol, brace yourselves

📃 Ever written something inspired by someone elses fic?

yes!

💻 The first fanfiction you posted?

"Domestic Life Was Never Quite My Style"

🎧 A certain song you listened to while writing a fic?

I listened to the Tarzan soundtrack a lot while writing "Two Worlds, One Family", haha

🔬The fic you had to make the most research for?

Toss-up between "Baby's Firsts" and "Two Worlds", because with one I had to do a lot of research into baby growth and development, and with the other I do a lot of research to portray a deaf/hard of hearing person as accurately as I can, since I'm not one.

👽 Strangest fic you ever written?

eh, I'm not sure any of them really count as strange, in a traditional sense, but my "strangest" fic is probably "Oh, Little One, You Just Need to be Brave", mostly because it's based on Iron Man 3 and I hadn't actually seen the film yet when I wrote it so it doesn't make a whole lot of sense compared to canon 😅 the only reason I haven't taken it down is because so many people liked it, and I hate when fics that I used to love get deleted.

👀 What’s an idea you had for a fic that you never did anything with?

I've got several, actually, lol. I've had ideas for a Game Plan AU (that movie starring The Rock), a Cinderella/Ever After AU, a... um... bio AU involving mpreg that is not as weird as it sounds... a soulmate AU, an Annie AU (y'know, the musical), and a Santa Clause AU (Tim Allen Christmas movie).

✍🏽 How much do you plan your fics beforehand?

depends on the fic. if it's complicated, I'll take at least a couple pages of notes before I jump in to the actual writing. if it's something simple that I have a clear vision for, I just jump in and wing the whole thing. Both methods work just fine, for me.

Although, I do have one AU that I'm working on as a request for that 2k follower raffle I did months ago, and that has like..... 13 pages of notes that I still haven't finalized so it REALLY depends.

🌈 Your favorite tropes to write about?

found family and friendship <3

📬 The best comment you ever recieved?

there are a couple of comments on fics in my "Two Worlds" series that make me want to cry every time I read them 😭 they're from someone who is HOH like Peter, and I love reading their comments on those fics because it makes me feel like I've done something right in the way I've written his disability.

💾 The longest fic you have written (either with most chapters or most words)

"Baby's Firsts", coming in at over 34k with 19 chapters!

🏚 A fic you more or less abandoned?

...........

"wish we could turn back time (to the good old days)"

("we don't talk about bruno" plays faintly in the distance)

😅 Was there a fic/chapter that you were nervous about posting?

all of them 😅 I guess I'll never be as nervous as I was when I posted my very first fic, though.

🥚 Any easter eggs you put in a fic that you hoped people would notice?

too many to remember! I make references to the films all the time, and other medias, as well.

😊 The fic that you’re the most proud of?

"Before, After, and Beyond". It started out as a drabble request from an anon who wanted an Endgame fix-it, and turned into one of my favorite-ever fics to date!

🪡 The scene you worked the hardest on in any fic?

Probably the scene where Peter tries his hearing aids on for the first time in "May These Words Be The First To Find Your Ears". I wanted it to be super fluffy and cute, but also realistic!

🎨 Show us a sneak peek from a WIP!

#ask game #long post #writer asks #my writing

[bonesandthebees]

ALRIGHTY CHAPTER TWELVE OF STARS!

Right off the bat, the strain on Wilbur and Tommy's relationship that has become evident throughout the last few chapters is quite interesting to read (and also impressive, good writing is a bit difficult to come by in this fandom, and you ALWAYS deliver!) as it slowly came into the light. Wilbur explaining to Tommy what happened in the library with Phil - also chef's kiss, I hate the miscommunication/lack of communication/keeping secrets trope and I'm glad you chose to have Wilbur tell him :)

Secondly, I will never ever get over Schlatt calling Wilbur "loverboy". It just makes me laugh in the middle of a very serious chapter! Also, at the end, the "we aren't friends but maybe in another universe we could be" just made me so slkskjhdkjadfhlkg. I am normal about that line I swear

Third, the fact that crimeboys are by themselves with AEduo again really hit me - I wasn't expecting the other leaders to leave so soon, and I can't wait to see where it goes next!

Lastly, this isn't directly related to stars, but you saying that you've been writing since you were 15 (did I remember right?) and have such incredible fics, it really inspired me to work more on my own ficwriting - i'm a 17-year-old homeschooled kid who always loved writing, and more recently, writing fics - and it seems that every story I write gets better and better, which is good! Basically I aspire to write like you :)

:>

aww thank you so much!! one of my favorite things to write are arguments so all the tommy and wilbur tension this chapter was so unbelievably fun for me to write. you can tell their dynamic has shifted and it's getting worse as more blocks come between them, and it's really fun for me to play around with. and yeah I also hate the really stupid miscommunication trope. like if you're gonna keep a secret from someone you need a good reason for it, and I didn't feel like there was any real reason for wilbur to keep his conversation with phil from tommy at this point so I just had him talk about it. miscommunication can be great, but only when you have proper motivation and logic behind it

ah loverboy... it's just such a quintessential schlatt thing I have to include it

did I intend for schlatt and wilbur to almost be kind of friends in this fic? no. am I happy with how it turned out? absolutely bc I got to write that line

yeah the summit was definitely reaching it's end. there's only so much I can do when i'm trying to balance that many characters, so I knew I had to end it soon or else we'd just keep getting the same "go to meeting --> crimeboys have argument --> phil says some ominous shit to wilbur" formula over and over again

also technically yes I've been writing fanfic since I was 15, but I actually have been writing creatively ever since I first learned how to read when I was, like, 6ish. I got serious about my writing as an actual skill I wanted to practice when I was around 13ish, so I wrote original stuff a lot until I discovered fanfic when I was 15 and started writing that so I could have an audience and that's been my main source of writing practice ever since. (I'm turning 22 in a few weeks so there's a bit of a timeline for you lol)

I'm so glad it inspired you though that means so much to hear!! the best way to improve your skills is always going to be to just practice. write anything you want, whether that be nonsensical snippets, single scenes from aus that you're never going to post, even just tiny dialogue exchanges. you don't have to write to post, just write for yourself and to make scenes in your head exist in reality. write anything and everything without worrying about how 'good' it is and you'll start seeing a lot of improvement really fast! any kind of writing at all whether it be fic or original content will help you just learn how to make a whole scene out of words on a page. I'm so glad you're writing your own stuff and that you're already seeing improvement. keep it up, you're only going to get better <3

#crow anon #ask #the stars and their children #bones writes

[raineydaywrites]

20 Questions for fic writers

Tagged by @barry-j-blupjeans (thank you!!!)

tagging @sgrumby and anyone who wants to play!!

1. How many works do you have on A03?

132

2. What's your total A03 word count?

568,150! half a million!!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly TAZ Balance and Star Wars (Prequels/TCW era, mostly), but I've written a fair amount for Star Trek: Deep Space Nine in the past, and I'll sometimes write a fic here or there for other fandoms.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

They're all Star Wars fics, which makes sense but makes me kind of sad because I love my other fics too. But oh well:

still much that is fair.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, The Jedi Code, and Other Things That Anakin Has Misunderstood

Take Two

brothers don't let each other wander in the dark alone

growing season (absolutely BLEW MY MIND that this one is in my top five now. It's a one-shot kidfic for a pairing I don't write often?? I'm not used to those getting notes. But I guess it is the Codywan era for prequels fans so I can see where it's coming from.)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! But sometimes I don't have the spoons for it. But I love getting comments and want to show my appreciation!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't usually write super angsty endings! I don't like them. Or, well, actually I do enjoy them sometimes, but IDK, if I'm writing a whole-ass fic, I usually want to make the ending happy!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending

still much that is fair! which is wild because it has one of the angstiest premises I've ever written (suicide attempt that all loved ones believed to be successful, ends with characters giving each other hugs and 'love yous' and closure)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Rarely. Every once in a while. Sometimes people don't like me writing autistic headcanons or characters mentioning pronouns.

9. Do you write smut?

No. I'm not opposed to it in fic, but it doesn't interest me.

10. Do you write crossovers?

No, but I'll read them sometimes. I'm not opposed to writing them, but I've never really gotten an idea for one that inspires me.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of! I did once have someone warn me that my fic was 're-posted' to ao3 back in the days when I was still posting on both ffnet and ao3 with different usernames.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, actually, though I forgot about it until asked! It's not one I ever posted. I co-wrote a Maximum Ride fic with a friend in middle school, lol. But I'd love to co-write again in the future! It's fun to talk about ideas with friends.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

All-time favorite ship is SO hard for me because I'm a multishipper and I flipflop fandoms a lot, so I kind of default to my first (and still beloved) ship: Janeway/Chakotay from Star Trek: Voyager. I'm also gonna answer for my two main fandoms atm: Star Wars is Obi-Wan/Satine and TAZ Balance is Barry Bluejeans/Lup/Lucretia, because I love a good polycule. Also Barry and Lup on their own are great but they remind me too much of my parents to really go wild over them.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Be My Brother's Keeper. A Darcy Lewis is Tony Stark's daughter AU. I love that one and I had PLANS for it, but my Marvel days are so long gone.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm good at coming up with creative, unique ideas and making them work!! People often say that they didn't expect to like my fics from the premise but enjoyed them anyway. :3 I'm also good at character interactions and emotions

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Describing things, mainly visual things that are happening. They're just there, in the fanfic, not in a physical location to me. Also staying motivated to finish writing and avoiding derailing my own ideas with wanting to include EVERYTHING.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I haven't done it before but I'm not opposed!

19. fandom you wrote for?

Like, first fandom? Nancy Drew. I wrote a Nancy Drew fanfic when I was eight years old on looseleaf notebook paper, before I knew that anyone else wrote fanfic. In it, Nancy fell down a hole, broke her leg, everyone who loved her thought she was dead and they were all soso sad, but then they found her and it ended happily. My tastes have not evolved much since, but my writing ability has!

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Changes often! Currently it is The Parent Trap(ped in an Umbrella) but I'm also quite fond of Still Much That Is Fair and one more last try, I'm gonna get the ending right.

#reblog game