#'stop talking' is literally me rn

[fatuismooches]

At the beginning of your relationship with Dottore, there had been numerous times when he had tried to leave you, or rather, attempt to force you to leave him in the Akademiya. Ignoring you, snapping at you... most notably literally kicking you out of the dorm (to waking up and nearly stepping on you, as you had decided to knock out right at the door.) Merely because he still had difficulty believing he was loved by you, despite having known you for years. It took much time but, eventually, your feelings finally clicked in that genius head of his.

However, uncharacteristically enough, there was one time you debated on whether you should leave Zandik. Only one time. And he had found out. If only you had been more careful.

It happened during the later stage of your illness when your ability to do many basic tasks had been stripped from you, leaving you reliant on Zandik for many things. You felt very guilty, for making him so do much work for both himself and you, but there wasn't much you could do about it, being the way you were now. Did you tell your lover about this? No, of course not.

But today, today would just be another regular day of what you had accepted to be your new life. However, you had noticed in the morning he seemed rather irritated, but you had no chance to ask him about it since he had to leave for class. You wondered what that was all about. (You, somewhere in the depths of your mind thought. You were continuously being a burden on the knowledge-driven scholar, no wonder he'd be irritated.)

When he returned to the dorm, you could tell that the foul mood still remained. Though, you could not understand what had caused it. He was perfectly fine last night, something must have happened after you fell asleep... As you watched him, the words "welcome home" could not seem to come out as they usually did, especially when he had not even acknowledged you yet, only emptying his bag with all of his books and other tools. You swallowed nervously, wondering how you were going to go about this when he spoke.

"Where?"

"Huh?"

"Where do you plan to go?" You were understandably confused by this seemingly random question.

"Um... nowhere?" A nervous smile made its way to your face, as Zandik only gave you a blank look, before carefully unfolding a piece of paper, and reading it over once more, no emotion on his face. Which, was already quite alarming for you, because Zandik was the kind of person who always had a hint of annoyance written on his face. He then turned the paper to face you and you squinted, reading the contents.

Oh. You instantly recognized what it was. It was a form that one had to fill out if they wanted to move out of the Akademiya's dorms.

When you said you felt guilty for everything, you meant it. Meant it to the point you worried if you were still good enough for him, if you had become annoying, a bumbling nuisance that had become more of a chore rather than a partner. It worried you, and you couldn't help but think about it. What if you were right? What if he did feel all of those things? Then maybe, maybe you should relieve him of this burden. You. Then, he could continue to pursue his goals, without the added hindrance of taking care of you.

It wasn't something you were set on yet, more like something you mulled over in your head. But you had filled out the potential moving out form tentatively just in case you decided to go through with it. Ah, you probably had shoved it in your bag along with your many missing assignments, and Zandik must have found it after trying to check your homework... But now, your lover was staring holes into you, expecting an answer.

"Well, I- I didn't mean it. It was... just in case," you were just spewing words at this point because you really had no defense. After all, how do you explain to your roommate of many years that you were going to move out and disappear without telling him?

"Just in case," the scholar repeats. "Just in case..." And then Zandik laughs. At what? You're not sure, because you've only seen him laugh at other people's foolishness, or in scorn and bitterness. It's a bit unsettling, seeing him act this way, but you have no time to think about it before the paper is torn right in half twice and then abandoned in the trash bin.

"No." Well... alright then.

"Za-"

"No, no no no. How utterly absurd. Ridiculous. You are not going anywhere." The way he says it simultaneously sounds like an order to you yet also an attempt to reassure himself of your impossible departure. You wondered if he interpreted your reason for leaving as something more... drastic.

"Hey-" You stand up, hoping an embrace would calm his nerves, but he begins to pace around. Now, this wouldn't be unusual, he tends to do this while he's ranting or deeply thinking about his research but obviously, it's different this time.

"Leave? No," Zandik scoffs to himself, "the possibility is nigh on impossible. There is no need to plan for such lengths, I shall make sure it doesn't come to that." When he finished mumbling to himself, you tried to interject before his gaze snapped back to you.

"And you. You, how dare you go behind my back and do such a thing? Do you think me incompetent? Do you think me a senseless fool that I would allow you to do this?"

"..."

"I find this quite tasteless, especially after how much you parroted about 'always being by my side' or 'never leaving'. Or have you finally shown your true colors? Leaving me after-" Zandik cut himself off because the words he was going to say next shouldn't be said out loud. Leaving him after he's already obsessed with you, when he's already in love with you and would go mad without your presence. But then all he could feel was your arms around him and your face buried in his chest.

"Zandik please, I'm sorry," your voice was but a whisper. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything like that." Zandik's hands itched to hold you back, but he restrained himself, needing to hear your reasoning.

"I don't want to leave you, I really don't. I love you! So... that's why I filled that form out. Because I... am scared of burdening you too much. I know how you are. I know you want someone who is useful, w-who can be of assistance in all kinds of ways, not someone who is dead weight. So I... I don't want you to force yourself to- ow!" Your increasingly pitiful dialogue was interrupted by a flick to your forehead and the clicking of a tongue.

"Fool..." he moved his hand to rest on the top of your head. "You can be quite intelligent, but the reasons for your stupidity can be headache-inducing sometimes. Now that you've said all of that, has it clicked how idiotic it sounds?" Though your partner's words sounded harsh, his tone was noticeably softer. You could only cast your gaze downward as he sighed.

"I too wonder why you do not take your own advice. Were you not the one who said to... 'talk things out', before jumping to conclusions? So why have I not heard of this?" (The phrase feels out of place and rather disgusting on the man who normally refuses to hold a conversation on anything other than research, but he forces it out for your sake. Unfortunately, he can also hear your sing-song voice in his head as he replays the words.)

"Because... it's dumb, like you said. I shouldn't waste your time anymore..."

"I usually do not entertain dumb inquiries but... you are an exception. My assistant's questions must always be clarified." And as his lover, your troubles must always be assuaged, but that part was left unsaid, although you knew what he meant. "Yes, your usefulness was a great help, but I couldn't care less about that right now. I care about you, and if taking on extra responsibilities happens to fall under that feeling, then so be it. I don't care," Zandik said bluntly. Was it elegant? No. Was it truthful? Yes. It made your cheeks warm a bit.

"Well... thank you for the honor," you couldn't help but crack a tiny smile as Zandik only mumbled something incoherent before pushing you back to bed. Ah, you were feeling a little drained from all of that.

"Now that all that is sorted out, and that hopefully every inch of that nonsense has left you, I suggest you go to sleep quickly, unless you want to be kept awake by the sounds of my latest experiment." You only giggled at your boyfriend. He's unkind... in a kind way if that made sense. But before you could be whisked away to the land of dreams, Zandik spoke once more.

"[Name]."

"Mhm?"

"...Do not try to leave me ever again."

"...I know, Zandik."

#smooches talks #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #divider by cafekitsune #another idea i came up with at 1 am (that seems to be the time my mind wont stop working unfortunately) #u dont understand im SO delusional abt them... sorry guys... f-fragile reader #im literally so tired rn ughhh... wah i just want dottore to cuddle me!! (i need to fix my sleep schedule) #but wow this is pretty indulgent huh! #dottore x reader #idk if i should put this in the tags but im feeling bold

[lavenderjewels]

(JJK 242 spoilers)

Sukuna being SO annoyed people keep trying to talk about love and loneliness with him meanwhile kenjaku is having their heart flutter for the first time in centuries fighting with takaba

#surreal times in jjk rn #jjk 242 #jjk leaks #jjk spoilers #sukuna #kenjaku #takaba fumihiko #I know kenjaku is influenced by takabas powers but I don’t think his emotions are completely manipulated #it’s just such a strange but funny contrast #sukuna is ‘PLEASE stop talking to me about love’ and Kenjaku and Takaba are having the strangest soulmate (????) moment #literally never could’ve guessed this #mypost

[hamable]

I didn’t realize how deep the itch was until now, but Mentopolis is scratching a narrative/meta narrative itch that’s one of my favorite things as a reader and writer. Like they all have roles in the human body and in the brain and everything they do in their little body society correlates in real time to Elias Hodge’s body and getting to decipher what each relationship and interaction means both for the characters and for the mentality of Elias is mmmmm scrumptious delicious I love it I eat it up

More thoughts in notes

#ppl are already analyzing Conrad being left at the orphanage to Elias believing his conscience to be childish and fleeting #and ah there’s so many things AGSJDJD #like the blunt force trauma and going into shock and pain signals being stopped but then it LITERALLY comes to Elias’s attention that #something is wrong and he should be feeling pain #god and the cliffhanger of episode 2 is just asfsjdkdkdkkd #I LOVE the set design of this season and use of the projectors #and the table and marbles are so fun #and I love every player at the table #Hank and Alex are getting a bit of a spotlight which they super deserve but I’m raving about every cast member rn #not enough ppl are talking about Siobhan’s impulsivity #it’s so funny and catches me off guard every time #mentopolis #dimension 20 #siobhan thompson #brennan lee mulligan #hank green

[mwagneto]

sorry i can't hang out rn the two men from that 4 year old show kissed and i literally cannot think about anything else. yeah gonna be all month

#good omens #gomens #crowzira #deleted messenger haven't talked to any of my irls in a week #lowkey hate how nice it is to get a break tbh like oh my goddd im in the mental illness zone do NOT talk to meeee #it feels mean but also I've spent basically every second since September hanging out with #1 - 10 people near constantly. i need some downtime. although by downtime i did not #imagine stopping all human functions and just becoming a vessel for an engless loop of g0mens thoughts #not even true i CAN talk to ppl but only if it's someone that knows how ill i am or if it's #about g0mens. otherwise leave me alone #like i can literally only talk in terminally online tumblr terms rn i can barely remember hungarian #MY ASS LITERALLY GOT FACTORY RESET TO MY TERMINALLY ONLINE SELF😭😭 #not true coz back when i used to be this online i still talked to irls. mostly to get them to watch whatever i was watching but still #im gonna hang out with some tumblr mutuals who are just as ill as me soon. so that's something #idk how the fabric of budapest can handle that much mental illness in one room but whatever #ineffable husbands #i misspelled it.

[nebulousmedic]

I think its important for me to say that even if I dont answer your ask I still read all of them!! Its just that formulating an answer or even a drawing takes me a while, and its a lot of energy that I just dont often find in myself or that I may or may not be spending by drawing one of the three million scenarios in my head, and so I end up freezing when I see that I have a million things sitting on my inbox

I've read your theory asks! your scenarios! and all the cute stuff and compliments you guys have sent me! you! yes you! you know who you are!

#mun talks #I love that you guys send me asks!! #just. they pile up and overwhelm me bc my brain goes like #HEY ANSWER THEM ALL NOW IMMEDIATELY!!! STOP BEING LAZY #I have literally 70 asks sitting in my inbox rn #help lmao #I am also incredibly indecisive so that doesnt help either #good ol analysis paralysis

[love4hobi]

.

#dont know who else to talk to about this because it feels so personal but i feel anonymous on here #yesterday i had an ultrasound of my chest and they found something abnormal and ordered a biopsy #and its been on my mind every minute since then #the mass looks uncomfortably similar to the google images that pop up when u search 'malignant tumor' #and ive been doom scrolling on the breast cancer subreddit lmao #and im aware that its just stressing me out more but i couldnt stop and almost started crying #like the results could come back completely normal but.... im terrified of that not being the case #and i dont know how to deal with it until the actual procedure #its on friday but time is going so slow #all day ive been wanting to just blurt out my feelings to everyone ive talked to #but it feels so embarassing at the same time #so thats why im posting abt it on here i guess #i just literally dont know how to process my feelings rn

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

MAC OHHH MY FUCKING GOD. ONE OF THE EPISODES OF A SHOW EVER HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL AFTER THIS???? HOW???? how long is he going to be FUCKING DEAD FOR!!!! the ashe & mark argument that i felt deep within my soul & miserable on behalf of both parties about them!!! dakotaisms!!! the fucking like. genre conflict of their sillygoofy teen titans shenanigans with a real world where there r men with guns who will simply kill you!! THEYRE WEEKENDING AT BERNIES WILLIAM WISPS PURPLE MORPH SUIT COVERED CORPSE. kicking down your door with a loud bang & then just standing there wild eyed kind of shaking and trembling like a chihuahua

DUUUUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE HEAH. FUCK. s1e19 definitely one of my favorites of all time. i listened to that one during the back half of my shift this afternoon and got to the ashe/mark argument just as i was starting pm checks.... standing in the cramped laundry room in the basement washing my filter socks like

i think about them so much dude. AND THEYRE BOTH RIGHT. WHICH MAKES IT HURT MORE. LIKE. BOTH THEIR SIDES ARE SO REAL. i cannot wait for u to learn more about them pleaseeeee i need 2 talk winters family analysis with you when you get to . certain parts. season 2 is gonna fucking wreck u i know it.

BUT. THEY BALANCE IT OUT WITH THE SILLIES SO VERY FUCKING WELL. GOD. good fucking show dude. good fucking show !!!!!! williams ghost throwing ice cubes at mark while his fucking. rotting corpse sits in the bathtub!!! what thefuck man

#ITS REALLY FUNNY LIKE. JUST HOW FUCKING EMO THIS SHOW MAKES ME. AND LIKE. SEASON 1 IS TAME. IF U CAN BELIEVE IT. #i know i keep hyping up season 2 but genuinely i have not full on sobbed at a show like i did at pd season 2 in so long. #like. could not listen to the show at work bc i fully could not stop myself from crying #and didnt want to do that outside the safety of my apartment type episodes. #ughhhhhh #HEY. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. ONE OF MY FAVORITE MARK WINTERS MOMENTS HAPPENS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE NEXT EPISODE. ITS SO FUCKING SILLY. #also i have an animatic of it so i cant wait 2 send u that when u get there hehehehehe #im strategically not answering any of your questions about wiwi because if i start talking about him rn ill go crazy . #literally always thinking about wiwi wisp at all times every day #u come stand in the doorway of my room shaking like a chihuahua #and i am sitting here on the couch like. a fuckign . grizzled old pyrenees who has spent his life battling coyotes #asks #friends!!! #intertexts #UGHGHGHH GOING CRAZY ABOUT PRIME DEFENDERS FOREVER. #OH I CAN SEND YOU TRIVIA NOW. YIPPEE

[care666bear]

changed messages to moots only bc I thought I finally had the energy to reply to some stuff and immediately felt drained from 100+ messages. I opened literally two chats before nope. I'm sure I'll feel guilty for this and change it again bc yall can be sweet and I do luv to say hi lol but the creeps and straight harassment is actually exhausting like I rarely open my messages anymore which is unfortunate bc there's definitely kind words and ppl in my inbox as well :(

Just because I post the way I do, doesn't mean I want to be harassed. Everything is consensual, with regard to people being actual people with emotions and if you don't live by that, leave me the fuck alone

#weirdos ruined it for everybody bc usually im talkative and sweet #but also life has me in chokehold rn pls stop messaging me like im obligated to you #i was an abused ass child #i feel the obligation then the guilt for drawing my boundary lmaooo #like its not impossible to be kind for a moment #before literally harassing the fuck out of a stranger

[gxlden-angels]

I need Americans that were never Christian™️ to realize that the average conservative cult christian's thoughts are basically that one episode of Spongebob where he gets elected Hall Monitor and gives a speech with "Crime and Punishment. Punishment and Crime"

#christians see themselves as the hall monitors of the earth essentially #and everyone needs to be punished and have their good noodle stars taken else they'll commit arson #they genuinely believe that as soon as you stop policing people they'll delve into their deepest darkest fantasies and start committing sins #that even Jesus Christ himself didn't think of #they come from the idea that they are the only group capable of keeping things steady until Sky Papa can make his way down and fuck shit up #So when you do something bad it's because you fell into the pull of destruction #But when they do it's the equivalent of stepping on your dog's foot because they almost tripped you #I still think it's funny a bunch of christians are creationist tho lmao skill issue #My grandparents are but my dad isn't #he believes evolution essentially occurred over the same time the earth was being created #and the story of adam being made from dust was a metaphor and literal #he was made from dust made from decomposing animals and plants which he used to create us as a more perfect being #so now we continue to evolve because we're connected to the dust and can continue to try to improve #so my dad believes in evolution and went to college for biology and chemistry at the biggest HBCU in the US #That evolution/creationist tangent was completely unrelated but all twitter is for me rn is ppl freaking out about our rights being taken #I avoid twitter most of the time but like to look at my friends' and fav artists' tweets #and recently I think little joel made a video about the evolution video that was trending so yea #n e ways have a nice day y'all <3 #I've been wanting to make more hehe hahas but everything in my brain rn is Undergraduate Thesis level shit #so I haven't really been reading or writing things I can talk about on Tumblr.Com ya know? #most of it is sociological textbooks memoirs and similar stuff that Id feel talking about on my casual blog #maybe Ill make a blog. like Blog blog for my essays one day #ex christian #religious trauma

[veronicathegoddess]

i hate when someone invites me to like do something or go somewhere but they also invite someone i dislike, that they know i dislike and when i say i don't want to come because that person is there they're like it's fine, just ignore them...because i want to spend money i barely even have to spend time around people that have hurt me????? like if i don't like the person, idc who else is there and if i can ignore them, i'm not gonna put myself into a situation like that and idk why that's so hard for people to get

#my friends birthday is tomorrow #and she decided to spring a last minute plan on me to go to some hotel and stay for the weekend #which is a horrible idea for several reasons #we used to be a trio and then the other girl stopped talking to me because she was jealous #and we havent spoken in a year but they’re still friends #i hate her #she hates me #and we dont see each other and i want to keep it that way #secondly i hate last minute plans #it gives me unnecessary anxiety #thirdly the other person who's coming we aren't that close #so its just a mess all around #and lastly i literally told her i cant afford this because my internship hasn't paid me #i have less than 200 bucks to my name rn because idk when im gonna get paid #and shes like oh well ill lend it to you and you can just pay me back #like the issue isnt just not having the money rn #its that this is the type of thing id have to save for in advance #even if i borrowed the money from her #itd still put me out because i simply cant afford it #and its perplexing to me why she cant understand why a last minute overnight trip to a hotel isnt something everyone can just drop money on #especially in this fucking economy #i think i need better friends #rants and ramblings

[dreamyprinx]

I bring to you, actual art but it’s me trying to replicate my friend @spaceshmuck’s art style

✧ reblogs are appreciated ✧ | ♡ buy me a kofi ♡ | ☾ commission info ☽

#whimsy whispers #crystalart.png #others ocs #strand von zarovich #curse of strand #space tag #GOD this was so difficult and I don’t even feel like I did that good a job but it was also fun #also hi I’m not gonna shut up about my art program crashing and this corrupting right as I was almost finished with it I need people to know #that the universe tried to stop this from existing >:| I did not spend hours going ‘is this how it would draw hands’ and cursing myself for #the damn art to not see the light of day #anyways please look at my friends art it’s SO good like god I’m jealous of its art style and character designs >:’) #like literally such lovely art y’all will check it out because I said so and my word is like law or whatever #I’m like writing these at 4:25zm on a Monday and like this won’t even be posted for another week or so but like #sorry if I’m especially stupid rn I didn’t wanna go to sleep yet so I’m saving drafts and listening to off the wall magical! on loop #y’all should also check out junie & thehutfriends because I find their music fun #just listen to me when I tell you to look at ppls art because I have good taste okay? you can trust me I’m holding your hand and we’re going #to have fun I prommy #also please do not talk about the background it was one of the things I was gonna work on when the art program crashed #the only thing I fixed after that was minor mistakes like not colouring in buttons #anyways ily pretty vampire man and ily my dear friend who’s art style vexes me 💖

[neixins]

ngl i don’t think any of my irl friends care about me all that much…………

#i’d chalk this up to being awake at ungodly hours of the night but i’ve been thinking about this for days now #like literally not a single one of them remembered my bday which like. in isolation wouldn’t bother me that much #bc i’m terrible with dates and i Know that sometimes u miss the day on accident and then when u realize it’s too awkward to bring it up etc #but i’m also always Always the one asking everyone to hang out #and whenever it’s a group of us they’re always referencing things they did/talked about without me and it just. feels so isolating #(bowling for soup voice) middle school never ends oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh :( #i could go on but i might start crying and i don’t wanna deal with that rn tbh #N E WAYS time to stop thinking about this and start reading yet another book until i get sleepy. nighty night gay people in my phone <3

[residentrookie]

.

#dumping out all my issues here so bear with me #but i’ve been in the same room for going on 72 hours #haven’t seen anyone or talked to anyone in person #i have covid so i feel miserable and have no motivation to do literally anything #but classes and work don’t stop so i have assignments piling that i have no energy to start or complete #on top of all this!!!? #my brain has decided NOW is the perfect time to have a crisis about the future #i’m a senior in college and the real world is fast approaching which actually makes me physically i’ll #bc wtf am i gonna do #anyway #i’m having a hard time #and felt like complaining #apologies for clogging the dash #BUT THE ONLY THING ON EARTH RN I THINK WOULD ACTUALLY FIX ME IS A PUMPKIN COLD BREW I FUCKING NEED ONE SO BAD

[kashmirichaiwithmehr]

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#im only 2 mins into the jubilee is being fat a choice middle ground vid #and so many thoughts are going thru my mind rn #(im gonna watch the rest and see if they touch on these topics) #but i have such a problem when white people talk about weight #or people of a higher class (which surprise surprise is mostly white ppl because of white privilege and socioeconomics) #like #theres genetics involved: ex. south asians ancestors going thru a famine affects how they gain weight in present day #theres economic issues involved: someone might not have the resources to eat healthily or be able to exercise like go to the gym or -> #take time off work or from family to take time for themselves and go on walks for example #things like this and more (which i cant remember atm and its gonna bother me asjdklasd) #but ya god it makes me so angry #and ppl saying its a choice like girl..... pcos exists. trauma exists. and you cant say its the ppl u surround urself with when -> #south asian culture literally pushes weight issues down ur throat every day of ur life #and gives u eating disorders without you or ur family even realizing #jfc #and for some reason i cant stop thinking about gwyneth paltrows diet asdhkjaldsd #mehrtalks #fatphobia

[blizzardfluffykpop]

You sent me an ask so I shall return the favor! What is the most recent Kpop group you’ve gotten into and how did you find out about them? I always love hearing fan “origin stories” lol

Thank you for returning the favor~ That would be The Boyz 🥰💖 I love hearing fan "origin stories" too hehe (This is gonna get long I love them sm)

Anyways I've known about them since debut? I loved Bloom Bloom Pow with my whole heart when it came out and tried to fall for them then- It didn't work. The next time was when The Stealer (TS) came out~ I had watched them perform for Road to Kingdom- because ptg was on the show too- But I really loved TS cb- sm so that I bought the album about 6 mos later with my favorite members as inclusions at the time (Eric, Kevin and Hyunjae). But nothing came about of it even after watching the weekly idol episodes... Then came Whisper era and I ended up biasing Changmin (Q) and loving that song but again nothing came out of it.

(A little backstory is that Changkyun (I.M) got me into Dominic Fike's music-) Thus, when tiktok showed me Juyeon, Changmin, and Sunwoo dancing to Babydoll earlier this year as a dance cover: I fell. And then I finally checked out Watch It~ But Hui had his solo and it distracted me completely from falling further. Then I had gotten sick and decided 'well, what if I watch their content?' And I did... I watched their hello82 interview and their reaction to fanart of them, and lastly their mafia dance. And I loved each sm that I decided to check out more.

It was the first time I had watched their content and wanted to see more. And now, I watch their content almost daily. It's kind of like they revived the joy of kpop for me? My (old) ult of ults has been on hiatus due to the military so it's been stagnant content lately for me. But then they came in like a breath of fresh air- and I simply can't get enough. This month will be 3 mos and I honestly hope I'll follow them for a long time. (I think they're my new ult of ults tbh)

And lastly now here I am as a Younghoon and Juyeon bias (with bias wrecker: Changmin... he's doing everything to be bias again). And with them having a comeback I loved with my whole heart this past month, I think it really solidified them with me. Honestly, I'm so happy with them.

#my 'fan origin story' hehe #lovely mutuals #asks #kate rambles from here #i even started a new kpop journal just dedicated to them and my thoughts- it's a 200 page journal and i have nearly 50 pages about them #and i started it in february ebhbha- #it's so funny because i saw one of my ults' concerts in theater the month before they should have became the ult of ults and here tbz comes #if the theory is true that you fall in love with certain people/groups/things at certain time then that means even when #i wanted to fall in love with them- that i had to wait until now to fall for them even if i wanted to fast forward it- i think now is a #perfect time- it's when i need them most i think- and fuck i could go on about them forever and why they mean sm to me in such little #time but oh how i love these guys- #no seriously everything i wish they could do- i find out they've done or will do- or for like pcs i like them a certain way and by golly #does yh do my favorite poses- and their music is just ?!?! i love it sm- ofc i've listened to them before a lot but ?? it's my speed rn #kate rambles #did i drag my close friend into them too? yes- yes I did- but she had full free will- she could have stayed on the happy mbb boat instead #of jumping into the water and swimming to lip gloss island with me- but alas she didn't so it's even more fun cause i get to be a new #deobi with her- and it's literally the best experiance i could have ever asked for- she prolly won't see these (i'm banking on it) and #honestly i'm so thankful for her- for joining me in this 'insanity' we've gotten ourselves into- i'm glad we were both stolen from our mbb #home together- it's sm fun to talk about tbz with her- because she's experiencing them new just like i am- i could go on here too #but i won't- so i'll stop here- i love these boyz sm tbh (every time i say it even if it's a lot- it doesn't feel enough)

[alloutshirt]

.

#fuck i can literally feel my heart breaking #ive been alone my whole life but i feel really alone in the world rn #he really came in when everything fell apart and now ive lost him too #im so sick of having no value to people when i was convinced i did #ive always refused to let bad experiences define me and become cold and closed off #but maybe that’s what you need to be #and i don’t know how to do that #how can you go from talking to someone all day everyday for months to saying hey i think we should completely stop #pls don’t reply to this i just need to get it out