#'yeah this looks like something i can personally fix'

[iceunhie]

[8:06 PM.]

drabble inspired by the little crumb of balladeer we got from the arlecchino animated short because what the FUCK man he's literally my pookie the loml the /gunshot

a/n: can i please put him in my pocket i want to kiss him silly omg my babygirl

"stop looking at me like that."

you don't. you just smile more instead, face practically hurting from your jubilee; and the reason, scaramouche's current attire.

he's dressed up, the rare sight of the oh-so prickly harbinger without his trusty hat, instead almost swallowed up by the fur of his coat's hood.

it's just so endearing that you can't help but kiss him senseless, earning an irritated (but not disagreeable) huff from him, before not-so-subtly pulling you closer to him by your waist when you mention how cold you're getting.

(yeah, he tolerates you—your ass; who was the clingy one here?)

the two of you look ridiculous covered by his gigantic coat, like two cats trying to seek warmth, but something tells you scaramouche doesn't mind at all.

though you're pretty sure you've burnt the sight deep into your retinas by now, you look at him even more just to be sure. "can i not admire my very, very handsome, and cute, and loveable, and amazing lover?"

he bristles up from the comment against your embrace, despite not being cold at all, a strange reaction given that the cold is biting at your face. his cheeks are red like the red around his eyes. "shut up. you should be ashamed of your shamelessness."

you press your mouth shut, or else he'd continue to (fruitlessly) berate you for your idiocy—you don't believe any of it, because this rare initiation of affection by your rarely affectionate harbinger is something reserved for your eyes only.

"don't want to though." you drawl, letting yourself relax against his firm, clumsy hold. scaramouche chases your warmth, withholds it within his grasp and never lets you go. "i should be proud of having such a wonderful lover, no? you look especially handsome today with that coat of yours."

"...i don't know why i put up with you." he snarks, but the gentle hold his hands take over your waist says otherwise.

not that you'd want to, of course. he was so ridiculously contradictory that you can't help but fall even harder for your cynically standoffish boyfriend.

"mhm. i love you too." he shuts his eyes when you fix at his hair to kiss his forehead, making sure to linger just a bit longer. you can hardly resist him, after all.

any normal person this close in the balladeer's line of contact, especially in such a vulnerable position would be annihilated immediately. luckily for you, your status as his one and only partner grants you benefits other people would never get to experience.

like now, as you're granted temporary immunity from the cold of his quarters near the zapolyarny palace, with your bodies sharing in each other's warmth, your boyfriend finding it completely normal and fine almost suffocating you with his tight hold over you in your shared embrace.

really, if he wanted to cuddle, he should've just asked. but since you know he wouldn't be caught dead whispering his desire for your attention out loud (you found that out early on when you woke up to him muttering murmurs of hushed, tender i love yous that still make your heart melt when you think about it when now), you suppose you can indulge him as you always do.

"i heard that today's the succession of the knave." you muse, to which he responds to with silence, to which you'd prefer his constant stream of insults towards the fatui's questionable title bestowments.

instead, all he gives you is a simple hum, opting to bury his face in your shoulder, and you can feel goosebumps raise from the feel of his hair and the fur of his coat. "it's just a ceremony with the jester and that irritating witch. and that captain."

you laugh. he really couldn't hold his tongue when signora was mentioned.

"well. why are you still here, then? should you get it over with before coming back?"

"..." he grumbles something about "being subjected to people he can't tolerate"—you're used to it by now, so you only lift your head and position yourself to put your chin above his head. "it'd be better if i'd stay with you beforehand. it'd save me the early irritation."

you laugh. when will he ever stop talking in riddles? before cradling his cheeks in your palms, pinching them just a bit, earning you a zap that's more warning than threatening. "sure, sure."

end notes i went feral over this man thank u @morkanslily for listening to me scream about him for 15 mins straight in our dms

© 𝐈𝐂𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐈𝐄 : do not repost, copy, or plagiarize my work.

#mhie's spirals #—stellaronhvnters #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact #scaramouche fluff #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x you #scaramouche drabble #scaramouche genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin drabbles

[girlkisser13]

dating jason grace would include

• ugh, the chivalry radiating off this man is CRAZYY.

• jason is the epitome of a gentleman fr!! he’ll do little things like holding open doors for you (even if it means waiting a few extra moments), offering his sweater when you're cold without hesitation, or fixing up a plate for you during dinner, he's always trying to make life a little easier for you. <33

• if you so much as utter a complaint about your feet aching or your shoes being too uncomfortable, he's already kneeling down, his broad back facing you with his hands gesturing for you to climb on for a piggy-back ride. he’ll be running around camp like a lunatic, carrying you on his back or in his arms, but he doesn't care because he always puts your comfort and safety first!!

• his protective nature extends to the battlefield as well. even though he knows you're more than capable of defending yourself, he fights alongside you, ready to shield you from ANY harm.

• whenever you talk to jason, he always has a way of letting you know that he's listening to your every word. even if he's occupied with something else, he'll make a point to let you know that he is paying attention to you. he'll immediately direct his gaze towards you, and abandon whatever task he was previously engaged in, leaning in closer to you the longer you speak.

• even if you try to cut your story short or apologize for repeating yourself, jason will NEVER rush you or make you feel uncomfortable. instead, he'll hold you close with his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, encouraging you to keep talking and sharing your thoughts. because jason doesn't mind hearing the same stories over and over again, as long as they're coming from you. <33

• you know that one tiktok trend where one person tries to switch foods/drinks with their partner? yeah if you ask him he will not hesitate to switch with you. he also shares his food with you with no complaints.

• but he also knows you well enough to get you something to eat even if you say you don’t want anything or that say that you’re not hungry.

• jason never fails to express his love for you verbally every day, but he also has a way of communicating it without speaking a word. he'll naturally reaches for your hand under the table, stealing quick kisses on your shoulder when no one is watching. even the way he touches you lingers, like he doesn't want to let go.

• jason lovess resting his forehead against yours. it just brings him a sense of comfort and solace, really just your presence itself makes him feel safe. <33

• he most definitely places kisses on your hand. i'm talking regency era jane austen style kisses to your fingertips or palm, looking away with a visible blush.

• i feel like he radiates a mixture of golden retriever boyfriend and orange cat boyfriend.

• he is pretty romantic and enjoys meticulously planning dates for you both, such as movie dates, picnics, hiking, and more.

• one of his love languages is acts of service. whether it's helping you with chores, surprising you with breakfast in bed, or offering a shoulder to lean on when you’re having a bad day, he's always there to support them in any way he can.

• he’s 100% a morning person (due to his militaristic upbringing at camp jupiter). if you’re also a morning person, the two of you enjoy going on morning jogs together. if you’re not a morning person, he’ll spend hours admiring you when you’re sleeping (not in a creepy or weird way lmao).

• he’s a big reader but sticks with audiobooks (due to his dyslexia) and will read every single book that you read so that he can talk with you about them.

#pjo #pjo tv show #pjo hoo toa #pjo fandom #hoo #percy jackon and the olympians #heroes of olympus #jason grace x reader #jason grace

[chantiying]

You have a new message, would you accept it?

How to choose? Take a deep breath, close your eyes, think about that/those person/people you have something inconclusive with (if you can't think about anyone it's ok, dw) then choose the image that calls to you better

1 2 3

Before to start, sorry for any mistakes or grammar error. English is not my first language

Remember tarot is not set on stone and you can change your path whenever you want. This is for entertainment purposes

This reading is general so if it doesn't resonate with you just let it go

Option 1

I know you're still upset about the way all of this happened. I know you don't understand why I had to go away. You think I let you alone and I didn't really care about it. I know you think I was selfish all I did was look out for my own good. I know you keep blaming me for the things I did to our family. I know that, even if I say to you my reasons they are still just excuses to your ears. I needed to walk away, I was tired. It was the best, it was fair. I had to understand who am I, I had to mature but it doesn't matter anymore, does it?

I'll be back, any moment. I know that hearing that scars you a lot, I know it bothers you "go back?" "For what?" "To destroy all the the life I built in your absence?" Yeah, I break your heart, I was the person you trusted the most , I broke our little world, I broke us, and you are still afraid of trusting in me again, but could you give me another chance? Take your time to respond my petition. I promise I'll understand if you don't want to see me again, but I'm serious about that I want to make things work for us this time.

For some of you, this could be a male figure in your family.

Two more messages for you.

Take a rest, honey. You don't have to be the one who is always fixing everything. The solution for the pain you're feeling right now is not overexerting yourself. Don't worry, things gonna be ok.

This could be from someone who passed away.

The last message could be an ex lover

Something that ended because of people talking in your back, hidden secrets that came to light. Tbh, I feel that this person don't have any interest in fix anything. Maybe they are happy that all of that happened and the way it all ended.

Additional information.

I feel like in this pile there's a lot of young energy. Maybe that person was too young or the separation occurred when both of you where young or you were young when all of this happened.

I feel that for some of you the root of all your failed relationships is because of the message of the first person

Maybe you've been suffering from sore throat or neck pain and I feel that it could be because you don't know have to express your emotions. It's ok to cry and scream, if you feel like crying, just do it, everything will be alright, ok?

Option 2

I feel like this person is upset or mad. Probably the relationship ended because of an argument. One of you was not in their best moment (maybe one of you passed or is passing through depression or anxiety)

I had to go, it was for the better. This, the thing we had it had neither head nor foot. I do accept we had a lot of good memories, you were my sun, but it doesn't mean we were meant to be. Do you know what? Sometimes, when I think about us, the first memories that came to my mind are those where I felt tied to you. We were going to nowhere. We had different paths, different dreams, different goals. I actually think we share the blame in this one, and, I still blame you for the kind of love you gave to me. It was too suffocating. It was like when you water a flower, you know what I mean? You were drowning me. I needed to make a decision, the better for me, and I don't regret doing it

This could be a past friendship

This is another message it could be from a female figure.

Don't be silly. You need to be less immature and spoiled. Will you realize at some point that you are being your own worst enemy? I know you're thinking about me like a killjoy or like i'm bitter, but my only wish is for you to open your eyes and put your feet on the ground. Do you remember when you were happy only with what you had? Do you remember when you played with all your friends and relatives? Do you remember all the scenarios you imagined and all of those were easy to resolve just with laughs and superpowers? I want you to be that little kid again. I want to hear your laugh until your belly hurts. I want you to be more kind with yourself and with the others. I want you to let go whatever its making you feel bad. I want you to start dancing by your own, my love.

Some of you have a nickname inspired on nature "sun" "bunny" "peach" "twinkle" or you have a name related to flowers or stars.

I feel like some of you either are emotionally unstable or feel a little too much.

Maybe you are fan of Taylor Swift and like the rain

Option 3

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for being the villain of your story. I feel so sorry for stealing your confidence. I'm so sorry because I know I'm the reason of your nightmares/insomnia. I'm sorry you don't feel good enough and all of that is my fault. It's horrible to be the person who hurt the one who most loved me. You were my wish came true. You were the madness I needed to keep me sane, it doesn't make sense, does it? I could have done better, I know. I'd have done better to give you all the things you deserve. I guess it's too late to own up to my mistakes. Now I've lost you

I don't want you to forgive me (maybe I do want to) I want to tell you that I love the person you are now. All of that is because of YOU. I just destroyed you. You had to pass through a lot. Sometimes I wish I could talk to you. Would you give me an opportunity? All the fights, all the arguments, all the screaming and crying. I'm so sorry, I'm really really sorry. I know I took you away from me. If it's worth it, I also wake up at night thinking I could have done better

I love you, I always have

I don't want to wreck your plans. I don't want to turn your world upside down. Am I being greedy for saying that I miss you? I know I'm the king of victimized myself, I'm aware of that. I'll try to change for better, even if it doesn't matter anymore. I have what I deserve and I hope you get what you deserve for loving someone who didn't know how to love you in return

This could be an ex lover but it could be a person who took "care" of you when you were a child too

Let your inner child to heal. Play with them, enjoy and do the things you want to do but you don't do for fear of being judged

I have a plan for you! What if you choose some animated movies, cartoons you liked when you were a child and enjoy your evening watching them?

You're so brave and strong, I admire you, keep going

I feel like you have a good taste on music

This is my first reading, hope you all like it

Alic (Chanty) 🪽

#tarot #tarot reading #tarot tumblr #tarotblr #tarot cards #tarotcommunity #pick a card #tarot asks #tarot advice

[polyamorousmood]

How do you deal with insecurity in a polyam relationship?

I've been in a poly V before, with my girlfriend at the time, and her other partner; but I honestly wasn't really invested in the relationship so I wasn't bothered.

I feel like,, if I have a partner and we either a) accept another and form a triad or b) I end up with a metamour again, I would end up worrying that my parner(s) would leave me to simply be together.

(For context, I have AvPD so like... abandonment is a complex of mine and I'm working on it but I'm still so insecure a lot of the time.)

So.. yeah. I've seen you address jealousy/envy, and I know I'd probably deal with a bit of that (in the sense that 'oh, b gets to spend time with c while I'm at work, I'm envious' kind of way) but I know that insecurity would be the thing that would bother me the most

Polysecure by Jessica Fern is generally considered a holy text 🛐of polyamory and this exact question in particular. I haven't read it personally (yet. Its on my list my list is just long 😅) So if you haven't given that a go yet, everyone I know who has read it, has recommended at least sections of it. I know it talks about attachment styles and how to handle those, which might be helpful if you have avoidant personality disorder.

The other thing, of course, is consider bringing this up with a therapist, because I am not one. And this seems like a touchy enough topic that everything I say here is pulled from my experience and should be taken as "ideas to think about🤔" and not "clinical advise that will Fix It🪄" As per usual, LOTS to go over here. So. read more.

P.S. after typing up everything, I realized this post I wrote to help a supportive partner address insecurity might also be helpful for you, and even has a worksheet! Its probably better formatted too. So.. maybe I wasted my typing here 😓. C'est la vie.

Firstly, you never said you identify as polyamorous. So if you're not... you could just date monogamously 🤷 as much as I love 💟polyamory and would like it if the whole world loved it too, if that's gonna be too big a thing for you, there's no reason you have to bother at all.

If you are going to date polyamorously for whatever reason, BEFORE you introduce another person to the mix, have a regular, set time you and your partner spend apart. It sounds counter-intuitive, but maintaining your own social life and identity outside your partner is huge. Do this especially when you're super invested and want to spend every second with your partner. That's honestly true whether you're poly or not, but in this specific case. I think a lot of the fear is bolstered by the idea that without you there, your partner is just spending that time loving the other person. And maybe they'd like to do that more blah blah blah. But this proves that's not the case: when you're not there, you partner is getting drinks with the girls, or building model ships, or any other numerous things they like independent of you. And it also means you're not just pining over your partner when you're gone, you have other shit to do too. And you'll come to look forward to your two hours a week at the coffee shop (or whatever). You will learn reasonable time apart does not equal less romantic interest.

And then, on the flip side of that, set regular protected time with your partner. Not to say never ever will something come up that interrupts that. Emergencies arise🚨, or the time may have to be renegotiated later, etc etc. But having the confidence that no matter what, you'll have a movie date every week, or that Tuesday night is Romance Night, or whatever you decide on, can make it easier. It can help prevent you feeling taken for granted, and can naturally curb NRE with other people if that starts getting unruly. If your partner starts wanting to cut into this time for not-important-shit, tell them you're not okay with that, or -- and only if truly it feels okay to you -- at least get them to make the time up the next day. And you, of course, need to treat it as special too. Make the time important, fulfilling, and intimate. It can be any activity, as long as its bonding time -- quality time, in the truest sense of the word.

Take time to get to know yourself, and share it with your partner. What do you consider to be sacred between you and your partner? Are you okay with your meta and your partner having sacred things -- what type of things? Do you feel better knowing the details of your partner's other relationships, or will that make you more jealous? (I like knowing more, because the thought of my partner having this secret life without me makes me more insecure, but other people are very reasonably of the opinion that hearing that their partner had so much fun without them is a bummer.) How much about you are you okay with your partner dilvulging to your meta(s)? Go through this on as many things as you can think of. Now, what you're comfortable with is not the only factor here; you and your partner will probably both have to make some concessions to reach something workable, but I've found that process, with a good partner, to be more securing in and of itself. You both are working together towards a common understanding. Its generally good practice to avoid hard-and-fast rules here, when possible. For example, "I'm only okay with you dating others if you're home by 11🕚 every night" makes some sense, but if taken literally means if your partner gets a flat on the way home, or has to deal with your meta's mental breakdown, or even just wants to see a movie that won't finish until 11:05 -- that's a betrayal. Perhaps even just asking for a one-time allowance is a betrayal. Instead, work for understandings or guidelines. Maybe the similar understanding in this example is "its hard for me to sleep alone, so I'd like you to generally be home by 11:00, and notify me as soon as possible if that's not going to happen" and then when they bring up wanting to stay out late one night for something, you can ask if its possible for them to do it on a night you don't have to work in the morning (maybe they can, maybe they can't, the point here is that its a dialogue, see below). There will be some trial and error here, so be prepared for that and stick it out.

Don't take every problem as a sign things are doomed, or your partner is divesting, or your partner isn't worth your investment. There will be times when someone is actually abusive, or there will be irreconcilable differences. I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about "My partner is late for the second time this week, they're pulling away from me, this is the beginning of the end"-type shit. No it ain't. A good exercise for this is to explicitly outline your worst-case scenario💣, followed by a best case-scenario🌈, and then a few most likely cases⬜. So from our example above, worst case is that they're pulling away (so you have to pull away faster so you "win" and avoid pain), best case-scenario is that they're late because they're buying you a gift on their way home, and most likely scenario is that traffic's worse than they planned or they ran into someone at the gas station and stopped to talk for a bit or whatever.

Figure out how to self-soothe. Make a stache of nice things your partner has done for you that you can check on your own to remind yourself you're important to them. Reframe some of your jealous worries. Remind yourself of things you're looking forward to with your partner. Make a vent journal. Whatever clicks to you.

And as always, 🗣️talk to your partner. Productively talk to your partner.🗣️ Talk to your partner as much as possible about how things make you feel, and make sure they're doing the same. I talk more about how to talk through problems here, and its worth the read imho (even though its equally long). But for now, know that forming this habit on its own is functionally indistinguishable from being securely attached. As long as the communication is you and your partner vs the problem (and not, for example, your insecurity vs your partner's willingness to compromise), this will be good for the relationship, and you will feel better for doing it. But to form that habit, you have to do it with everything, not just Big Problems. You have to tell your partner sincerely how much you appreciate stuff they're getting right, you have to tell them about small problems that you can handle on your own, you have to tell them about things you're not sure how you feel about yet.

#jealousy #insecurity #poly relationship advice #ask box is always open

[im-getting-help]

okay, but what if:

"and then he said 'doesn't this proves how much of a good friend i am?' it was fucking insane!"

"I don't want to tell you I told you so, but..."

"Farleigh shut-"

"I don't think I will Felix. I told you since the beginning that little goblin was dangerous and you didn't listen, so, I don't think I'll shut up ever again."

Felix sighed, his fingers combed through his hair for the hundredth time since he began the story, his signet ring reflected the sunlight every time he fixed his bangs. "He's not... dangerous. He's... he's insane but he's not dangerous."

"Yeah right. You can't be serious." Farleigh shaked his head and chuckled, but Felix wasn't laughing. "Felix, you can't be serious."

Felix remained silent, he refused to meet his eyes.

"Are you thinking about forgiven him?"

Felix shrugd, a small movement, almost as he didn't want to acknowledge what was being said.

He knew that it wasn't the smartest move on his part, there was no valid justification, no a single thing could explain why he did what he did, but Felix wanted so badly to forgive, to forget. The memories of that night kept repeating, his brain replaying them like a movie and he was unable to look away, no matter how much it scared him. He felt stuck, fixed in a moment. Something about the way Oliver pleaded, the way he cried, the way he hold onto him, he couldn't take the image of Oliver's eyes filled with tears, real tears.

That wasn't an act, he was sure of it, it was nothing that he ever seen Oliver did before, he was desperate. That right there was truly Oliver Quick, and he didn't want to let go, he couldn't.

"I think he needs help. I don't think he's a bad person, and he isn't dangerous. He said that I was his only friend..."

Farleigh got up from the couch, patting his pockets to feel for the pack of cigarettes, his hands trembled slightly, although he was sure Felix wouldn't notice.

"You can't smoke in here Farls, mommy is going to end you if she finds out."

"I know, I'm going outside." He retrieved the lighter from his right pocket and the cigarettes from his left while he stride to the entrance of the long gallery. He always hated that rule, "it could ruin the old folios and paintings" said uncle James, even though they could smoke in every other room, as if they didn't have relics or expensive paintings in there too. Right now though, he couldn't be more thankful to find an excuse to leave this conversation.

"Farleigh..."

"I need a smoke, Felix. Let's take a break, you can keep telling me about Ollie-dear later, yeah?"

Felix was already behind him, with the rush Farleigh didn't even hear him get up. He felt one of Felix's heavy hands on his shoulder and even though his sweater was making him sweat he shivered. Felix's movements were slow and gentle, he was never an aggressive person yet Farleigh felt his feet stuck to the floor, he looked at his hands still shaking.

"Farleigh, I need you to promise me that you're not going to tell anyone about this, about Oliver."

"Yeah, of course. I don't think auntie would be to pleased to hear about it anyways."

Felix grip tighten a little as he turned Farleigh around. Being face to face with Felix this way made Farleigh remembered his mother, how she teach him about boundaries and limits. They used to spent the afternoon sharing a cup of tea, the only british custom she maintained. "If you don't feel comfortable with someone you can put distance, you have to. If you feel uncomfortable or uncertain about a situation or a person you can and should stay away".

"I mean it, I need to know that you won't tell anyone about Oliver. No mom or Venetia or I don't know India or Jackson, no one. Not one person Farleigh."

"I promise Felix. I don't want anything to do with it anyways. If I can stay away from Oliver Quick believe me, I will."

"You make it sound like he tried to kill you Farls." Felix scoffed.

"Yeah, well, you know me, I like to dramatize."

Felix had his eyes fixed on Farleigh, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

"Can I go now?"

"You won't tell anyone?"

Farleigh sighed heavily. He was scared for his cousin, he was scared for his family. Oliver wasn't only dangerous, he seemed to be completely demented, passed the point of reason. He was scared that Felix ended up really hurt because of him.

He was no stranger to Oliver's outbursts, but he was also very, very tired. He'd been tired of cleaning Felix's messes for a long time. He was tired of dealing with ex-friends and ex-girlfriends and ex-whatevers, dealing people who got hurt by Felix's carelessness, by his indifference. He used to scold Felix, telling him to be more careful with his relationships. How funny it is that he found the worst person in all England to take interest in? Farleigh wanted scream, he wanted to slap some reason into him but he knew that no matter what he did or what he said Felix had already made his mind. He was a big boy now anyways, he could take care of himself.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Felix. I don't think I know an Oliver Quick. Now, can you please let go?"

Felix hand fell to his side, his lips curled up in an attempt at smiling. Farleigh could see the bags under his eyes, he hadn't been sleeping since the party.

"Thank you Farls, I knew you would understand"

Farleigh bit his cheek and nodded before quickly exiting the room, he strode towards the stairs to that led to the rooftop.

He realized he had to walk pass Oliver's room on the way to the stairs. He was surprised to find an open door when it finally reached the area, he wouldn't cross it of course, but he stood there, observing.

The interior showed a man profoundly asleep, snoring softly, black hair a mess. Farleigh lit his cigarette and observed Oliver, the open curtains let the midday sun in, the room was warm. Oliver looked so innocent like this, like a little boy. The antiseptic smell that lingered in the room and was the only thing that reminded him of the reality of who was the person behind the sleeping beauty facade.

Farleigh snickered and walked away, Oliver Quick wasn't his problem anymore.

#saltburn #oliver quick #felix catton #cattonquick #farleigh start #oliver x felix #saltburn posting #Give Farleigh a break plz

[miley1442111]

poached- sydcarmy

a/n: came across this idea by @the-real-bruce-banner and fell in love!!!

please don't read if you have emetophobia!!!!

summary: carmen said some terrible things, can he fix it?

pairing: sydney adamu x carmen berzatto

warnings: mad angst, carmen is so mean, heartbreak, feelings of disappointment, talks of vomiting, no happy ending :(

Carmen slammed the door of the office so hard, he was sure he’d broken it off the hinges. 

It had been a gruelling four weeks. Everyone could see it. Carmen had flown off the handle, again. 

He felt uncontrollable, his life unmanageable, and his restaurant? Broken. 

What was it this time? You may ask. Well, it all started with that damn poacher. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

He looked so fucking smug. His nice suit, his expensive glasses, his gucci shoes- in the kitchen of all places. He was supposed to be looking around the kitchen, looking around for a new Chicago restaurant that was meant to be interesting, more of an experience than a meal. But he was paying too much attention to the staff. To Sydney. 

Carmen’s fists balled and the tension in his body rose. Why was she talking to him? She had no reason to. Then again, she had no reason not to. Who was he to stop her? They were meant to be business partners. She could talk to whoever she wanted, he wasn’t her father, nor was he anyone who should dictate her life. 

So why was she talking to that guy? 

“He’s a poacher,” Ritchie puffed out a large cloud of cigarette smoke. “I’ve seen what those guys do. They just sweep in and take your people, just like that.”

Carmen’s blood boiled.

“People like working here, we’re a family. He’s not getting our people.” Fak reassured the both of them. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I’d be worried,” One of the new wait staff, Lindsey chuckled as she stamped out her cigarette. “I heard they were offering Chef Sydney her own restaurant.” 

She walked inside as Cramen’s eyes glazed over and his ears started ringing. 

Sydney. Sydney leaving him. Sydney, his Sydney, leaving him. She would go off, she’d be amazing- better than him. She’d made the menu she wanted, not the one he did. She’d call the shots, she could do it too. She did it on opening night. She was more than capable. She was the perfect person for the job. 

Fuck. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was late. 1:07 am to be exact. Carmen thought he was the only person left in the building, too busy reading over bills and bank statements, while simultaneously thinking about how he could even try to run the Bear without Sydney. She pushed him to be better, to do better. 

What would he do without getting to see her face in the morning?  

A knock sounded at the door and pulled him from his thoughts. He called ‘it’s open’ without thinking. And there she was. Standing in front of him with her jacket on, and his in hand. 

“Hey,” she smiled softly, he rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah?” He asked, a rude part of him emerging. Sydney was taken aback, why was he speaking to her like this?

“I was just wondering if you wanted to get out of here? I know this place that’s still open now, it’s pretty good-”

“If you want to leave, leave. I don’t need you. Just leave,” Carmen blurted out. Sydney stared at him. The tension in the room grew, Carmen eyes trained on hers, daring her to say something. 

“What?”

“I don’t fucking need you. I don’t fucking want you. Leave.”

He was livid but his voice was unusually calm. 

“Ok, fine,” she scoffed, throwing him his jacket. 

“Don’t come back here. I don’t want to fucking see you again,” he seethed and slammed the door behind her as she nodded, irritation and anger behind her eyes. 

How could she betray him like this? How the fuck did he trust her? 

He vowed to never trust anyone again that night. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Four weeks without Sydney. Four weeks of hell. 

The restaurant wasn’t the same, everyone blamed Carmen for leaving, everyone hated him. He hated himself. He was brought out to serve a dish, some bullshit influencer he didn’t care about, but he was willing to put on a brave face and smile for their pictures, when a certain poacher caught his eye. He stalked over, irritation and discomfort clouding his better judgement. 

What was he doing here when he’d already taken the best chef? 

“Good evening sir,” He smiled at Carmen, his ridiculous British accent pulling at a nerve in Carmen’s brain. “Can I help you with something?”

“What are you doing here?” He asked. Point blank, he wanted no bullshit. “You both got what you wanted.” 

“I’m here to enjoy my food, might as well try what I missed out on,” He scoffed. “You have some very loyal people, Berzatto. Even Chef Adamu didn’t take my offer of her own restaurant. It’s such a shame.”

Carmen’s world came crashing down. “What’re you talking about?” “Chef Adamu? She turned down the offer, she stayed, am I correct?” He asked. Carmen didn’t answer. He was too busy trying to get to his office bin in time, before he vomited. He’d fucked up. Sydney didn’t leave him, he’d kicked her out. He’d been so mean. He was fucking horrible to her, and she had wanted to stay. Even after getting kicked out, she didn’t take the offer. 

Fuck. 

Once Carmen stopped spewing his guts into the small office bin under his table, he got up and picked up his damn phone, dialling her number.

Voicemail. Straight to voicemail. 

“H-hey Syd. Look, I-I kn-know I fucked up. I was so s-shitty to you, a-and I deserve to be fucking… I-I don’t even know. I was so fucking arrogant, and fucking rude and just f-fucking m-mean to you. I- I didn’t know what to do. I thought that you were l-leaving me and I-I just went into fucking a-autopilot, I was a total ass and I’m trying to say I’m sorry.” He went quiet for a full minute, his brian finally slowing down. “I’m sorry.” 

“This user has blocked you.” Read in the chat between the two of them. 

His voicemail wouldn’t send. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

And that brings us to now, slamming the door so hard it probably broke. 

He’d really fucked up. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

#sydcarmy #syd x carmy #syd adamu #carmy #ayo edebiri #carmy berzatto #the bear #carmy x sydney #the bear fx #sydney adamu #the bear fanfiction #the bear fic

[snail-squasher]

Stars-Aligning

'boys suck, and girls I've never tried' - chappell roan

word ct. - 1113

warnings - a small panic attack(?), mostly fluff, fem!reader is implied but anyone can read :)

You've never been one to have crushes. Sleepover gossip times would always make you pick at your skin for 5 minutes trying to remember all the boys in your grade so you can blurt a name out when asked who you like. But when you got into college something changed. Something that goes by the name of Kiyoko Shimizu. You first heard about her when in a group project with Yachi, she had suggested that Kiyoko tag along to the cafe meet up that you guys had planned - a simple 3rd person to keep conversation flowing so there’s no random awkward silence. 

Wrong; you were incredibly wrong. In the entire 2 hours you guys were there, you got 2 things done: writing your name and finding out Kiyoko was the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen and that the way her lips move when she talks is mesmerizing; maybe that’s why everything she said you completely agreed with - is this what your friends talk about at sleepovers? Is this what movie scenes are made from? Is this normal? 

Obviously you know what being gay meant, you’ve seen gay couples in movies and even around campus, so why was this the worst whiplash you’ve ever experienced? And why are you getting so nervous and sweating when she asks for your number? Why do you only let out a shaky - mousy - ‘yeah’ 

The only information you absorbed is that the prettiest girl you've ever seen is in your contacts and that she likes peaches and ice cream. There’s only one reasonable response to this information - type out 4 draft messages asking her to the local ice cream parlor. Who would know better how to ask her out on a completely platonic and friendly ice cream date? Yachi. 

You’ve never felt more awkward in your entire life; you could smell the tension before the conversion even started. “Well… I say just ask in the friendliest way possible… this one right there,” she points to the 2nd message, “seems like you're rambling a lot, and the one below that sounds like you're demanding she go.” Yachi explains - a little concerned by how concentrated you are after explaining how this is a ‘totally friendly and chill meet up because she seems cool’ for about 10 minutes. “Okay…so like… the last one? Or are the emojis too much?” “The last one is perfect, she actually texts with a lot of emojis too.” “Okay perfect…” both of you sit in silence for 20 seconds before you blurt “can you please send the message for me.” 

It was set, you're very casual friend hangout, was the next day at 2pm. Although the state of your room said that you were evacuating by 2pm tomorrow; clothes thrown from your closet had basically made it out of your room, forgotten t-shirts now seeing the light of day, even pants that you’ve been meaning to return to a friend had found its way onto the outfit roster. But after what felt like the zombie apocalypse, you put together an outfit that had one inspiration - Kiyoko Shimizu. 

It was just to seem cool right? To hope that she'll want to be good friends right? And maybe kiss? Do good friends do that? 

This was a bad idea. This was a bad idea. This was the worst idea you’ve ever had. Gripping the steering wheel so hard you make a mental reminder to call a mechanic and breathing so hard you reach for a non-existent inhaler. You’ve never had a worse timed star- aligning ever. You can see her in the window, occasionally glancing out the window waiting for any sign of you, but you’re too busy having second doubts because your gay awakening is waiting for a obviously, for sure, ‘no wonder Yachi was awkward’ date. You try to quickly regain yourself after seeing Kiyoko start to look down at her watch every 6 seconds. Checking your face in the mirror and fixing your hair in the shop’s window reflection, you finally open the doors and come face-to-face with the most attractive cause for your midlife crisis. You're not even 25.

“Hey, sorry I’m a little late, I was picking up my room a little and lost track of time,” well that's not a complete lie, you had folded about 4 shirts and then rethought your entire outfit and started from scratch. And then she did the smile, the little lift up that makes her beauty mark move 3 cm from its resting place, “It’s really no problem, just glad I wasn’t stood up.” Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god. Being stood up means a date. This is for sure a date. You're glad you didn’t over analyze but also panicking because you just processed what a lesbian is in the car you’ve had since 17.

“Yeah, sorry again, I didn’t mean to leave someone like you waiting,” are you actually stupid. ‘Someone like you?’ You’ve been homosexual for 5 minutes and already messed up. “Hope that’s a good thing,” she says sarcastically before walking up to order. “I’ll get the peach please, and what would you want?” She looks at you. She focuses on you. “I’ll just get the same thing” a smile. She smiles at you. “Sounds good, do you want to find a table while I pay?” “Oh you don’t have to pay f-” “No no, it’s okay.” You're starting to understand why your friends freak out when a guy offers to pay. 

“Okay- so- wait. He asked you to marry him after only seeing you?” you ask holding back a laugh, “Yes! I still give him a hard time for it too,” Kiyo - she insisted you call her that - was laughing telling you about her time in high school, while checking her watch, “Oh! It’s already late! Sorry for non-stop talking, I feel like that’s all I did.” You quickly try to recover as you both stand up and throw your trash away, “oh no it’s okay, I loved hearing about you.” After making it through the front doors, she turns to you and smiles before leaning in and giving a small kiss, “Well maybe you can tell me about you next time.” “Yeah! Of course,” you reply too quickly for you not to cringe when thinking about it later. She does the smile again, the same smile, “Make sure you text me when you get home… I’ll see you soon.” “Yeah of course, have a goodnight…” You watch as she walks away to her car before slowly sitting getting into your own. You're surprised the shop owners didn’t come running out after the excited scream you let out.

I hope you guys like it!!! the divider(s) is from @cafekitsune

STREAM CHAPPELL ROAN!!!!

#haikyuu #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu x reader #kiyoko shimizu #kiyoko x reader #hq kiyoko #wlw post #fem!reader #haikyuu x female reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu oneshot #oneshot

[millenniummmbop]

rivalshipping is about healing to me but like in a “well-meaning yet still ill-advised codependency” way

#*pulls down projection screen and extends my collapsible pointer stick thing* #Yugi was a lonely kid with unresolved anger issues who went too far w the whole revenge fantasy thing #until The Power Of Friendship TM mellowed him out and he finally landed in a more emotionally stable state #*clicks to next slide* #meanwhile kaiba over here is ALSO a lonely kid with unresolved anger issues who ALSO went too far w his own fucked up revenge fantasy #*quickly shuffles through slides of Death-T* #but two mind-shattering comas later and yugi at the very least was willing to bury the hatchet and try to start over again #the whole 'kaiba vs peg sus' fiasco was where everyone finds out kaiba's motives up to that point and where it all finally clicks for yugi #*clicks to next slide to reveal the 'he just like me fr' meme but it's yugi crying on the balcony inside peggy's castle* #it's after this that yugi starts thinking 'Well friendship fixed ME so maybe it can fix HIM too' #*clicks next slide and hits play on the embedded video* #Yugi: good morning kaiba-kun! nice weather we're having today huh? #Kaiba: I'm going to beat u in the face and in the ass #Yugi: haha alright bud I'll see u at regionals tomorrow #Yugi said so himself that he wanted 'friends he could count on and who could count on him' (paraphrasing) #i think he saw this mess of a human being recklessly barreling towards the edge at 100 miles an hour and said #'yeah this looks like something i can personally fix' #bc he's the type of person to just selflessly shoulder a mountain of burdens if it means helping someone he cares about #like his heart is definitely in the right place but i don't think he realizes that kaiba also needs like #therapy and mood stabilizers or some shit #*a voice rings out from the back of the class* #'op they had like 10 minutes of conversation MAX over the entirety of duelist kingdom this is literally all in ur head* #no no the groundwork is there for all of this i PROMISE #lion king rafiki voice: look harder #like yes i'm delusional but i'm also RIGHT #(⓿_⓿) #ignore me

[arsonist-chicken]

btw in absolutely unsurprising news I fucked up the exam of that class I'm taking for the third time badly again.

in very surprising news, apparently Something happened, idk if the dean said something to the professor or I looked like a distressed broken down wet rat enough or he just doesn't want to see me in his class again or idk, maybe it's not good for him if someone fails his class three times, but he actually offered that I could do a written exam on friday instead? which. is extremely surprising. good, because it gives me another afternoon to study and I can draw and go back to questions on a written exam, even if I have to shuffle around the other exams and papers now, just. very surprising.

#lol but next semester is the fucking seminar again with also the same professor #idk how you can teach such shitty classes regularly and never think hmmm maybe i should change something #with the amount of people having to take the classes at least twice #anyway good for me i'll keep crying over uni the rest of the week and the weekend too and then i'll do stuff next week #like i need to call my insurance and annoy them in person until they say yes to any therapist who will have me #and call the other thing #and oh i really need to find a different GP because i'm soundly back at the stage of where i can literally not think two sentences #after each other without trailing off or it taking up extremely much energy just to remember which store i wanted to go to #and i'm aware that stress and mental illness causes brain fog or whatever #but i've been stressed before but this only started last autumn and i need a different doctor to look at it #who won't just say oh it's just iron levels #there's something wrong with my brain and i need someone competent who actually cares to look at it and tell me #if therapy will fix this or if it's a physical problem #please let it be just brain fog htat therapy can fix i don't have time for this #i just want to sleep and cry until this bs is over but semester break starts next week but i still have exams then and a whle list of #stuff to do for uni still plus stuff otuside. like a doctor. and sleep a normal amount instead of in weird horu intervals on my desk and in #my clothes on my bed or floor or wherever i am at the moment my brain decides it's over now #also friends. i wanted to catch up. also a job. like. yeah i need a job even if idk how i'll do uni and a job with the way my brain is righ #now #huh. oh i have another exam in half an hour. send help i don't want to go to uni anymore #mine #still don't know what that class or the seminar next semester are about btw but we moce #*move #goddamn it I'm TIRED and not just in the physical sense #i'm so goddamn done with uni and insurances deciding about psychotherapy and the general state of the world and cost of living #and i miss my friends and i want to visit them but nither them nor me have time and travelling is expensive #and ijust want a goddamn fucking break but i don't see one comign anytime soon. not before summer #but probably not even then #and after that i'll start working so like #at least no goddamn seminars anymore but i still absolutely dread having to decide where i want to work a

[francisforever2014]

i hate the term “female friendship” like it annoys me

#listening to the binchtopia podcast episode on comp het.. v interesting #but that kinda stuff just reminds me that i am not a ‘female’ 😭 #i’m like why can’t i relate to all these stories about female friendships and female comradarie… and i’m like right bc u aren’t one bestie #sigh i hate how cis centered gender studies and feminism can be even though it’s very important #idk how to fix it or if it even needs to be fixed but yeah . it’s both annoying and freeing to not be able to relate to a lot of these #discussions #anyways . who up and wanna have a ‘female friendship’ w me (sex) #also i wonder how many of my ‘female friendships’ weren't fulfilling because of my lack of cisgenderness. like i was always the other #and these cis women were looking for comradarie in another woman and i just wasn’t that. and they could tell #i always used to wonder why i wasn’t getting the same thing out of female friendships as everybody else was or how liberal women make it #sound. and this is definitely a factor . which idk how i didn’t realize it sooner #also ofc being gay and having straight friends when i was younger #but even in my ‘female friendships’ with other lgbt women something is missing #like the most fulfilling relationship i’ve ever had is in fact with a man . #and idk how much of that is just chance like we just happen to click . and how much of it is bc i feel like i can relate to him more than #i ever could my ‘female friends’ #also we have other things in common like he’s an lgbt person of color i’m an lgbt person of color etc . #but idk . i wonder how much gender factors into this #like i’ve had that in common with women and STILL something is missing #sorry for centering men in my life hashtag problematic hashtag internalized misogyny #also not to say that my current friendships with women aren’t fulfilling i love them . and it does help that they’re all lgbt poc #but there’s always this border i feel. like when they’ll be talking about hashtag womanhood and i just . don’t get it #SORRY for the long ass tags omg

[iron-cutting-meteor-sword]

[reads a lupin fic] [goldilocks voice] characters in this one are too healthy and well adjusted :/ [reads another lupin fic] characters in this one are too fucked up and genuinely evil >:/ [reads another lupin fic] contrived plot line :/ [reads another lupin fic] everyone but Jigen/Lupin/Fujiko is out of character :/ [reads another lupin fic] everyone is out of character :/ [reads another lupin fic] resolved plot lines too quickly :/ [reads another lupin fic] too self indulgent :/ [reads another lupin fic] no one acts like they even like each other :/ [reads another lupin fic] way too soft and cuddly :/ [reads another lupin fic] way too dark and gritty :/ [reads another lupin fic] way too horny :/ [reads another lupin fic] this one’s anti-horny :/ [reads another lupin fic] so many headcanons that feel tacked on :/ [reads another lupin fic] this one is too hot :/ [reads another lupin fic] this one is too cold :/ [reads another lupin f

#samurai sharkie speaks #i feel so ripped off 😭 they weren’t BAD but they weren’t. the characters you know? it was like filtered versions of them #i haven’t even read as many as this makes it seem like bc some I saw straight from the summary or the first paragraph were 👎 #I’ve found less than I can count on one hand of fics that hit that sweet spot #where the characters and the story and everything all feels like itself as opposed to someone’s filtered lense of it #i went through a few tonight and I just had to stop looking bc I was getting too frustrated #the fact that even in some of the decent ones Goemon is done dirty by being portrayed as naive and soft and sweet #any fic involving Goemon is a risk bc I could just end up stuck w borderline part 5 Goemon for three paragraphs #i hate browsing fanfic or reading non-peer reviewed fanfic bc it always ends in me getting disappointed like this #i hate reading something promising and then seeing that they just cannot write more than one aspect of each characters personality #yeah we get it Jigen is cool and brooding Goemon is stoic Lupin is funny and ridiculous and Fujiko is perceptive and sexy. #poor Fujiko always gets pushed to this like. passive advice giver or event manipulator instead of being her own person too #sometimes ppl ‘girlboss’ her so hard she becomes one dimensional and boring #jigen seems to be everyone’s favorite but he gets put in the ‘I can fix him’ position way too much #for someone that has literally never been that and if anything it’s been the other way around #zenigata is mia if he’s not a focal point #lupin never gets any dedication to anything past his superficial personality #or he’s being overly condemned while all the other characters get treated like they ‘aren’t as bad’?? #goemon is almost ALWAYS too nice and open and tactile #ppl act like he’s ‘the emotional one’ as if this man hasn’t worn the same expression since 1967 or whatever

[dbphantom]

I'm going to fucking throw up from laughing so hard at this

The duality of man.

#Fuck it we ball #I might honestly be sick from all the crying hence the nausea but this certainly isn't helping Lmfao #I'm for sure so overtired my brain int overflowed its depression into laughing at every stupid thing I see #Just to be clear this is my own writing I'm allowed to make fun of it #Something something hurting myself before anyone else can something something #H2O au #It's going down in funky town #Uhhh I finally got to the brotherhood anime part and it still bothers me that they all watched Noct get yeeted off a cliff and nobody went- #'yeah we should probably uh do something about that before he drowns' #So I fixed it #And by fixed it I mean made it 10x worse #Marilith snake lady?? Also scaly and has no legs :) it would be a shame if someone were to hallucinate from oxygen deprivation :) kill me #Noct using his trauma to give other people trauma it's all in good fun or whatever #Just boys being boys #6 chapters later and Gladio is the one who has to unpack this because everyone else in this party is severely emotionally repressed #Gladio is the only emotionally healthy person here. God help him he's going to fucking need it #Which is such a fun spin on the tough guy trope #Because like. Looking at all them you'd think it's Prompto? Being the 'cheerful one' trope. But Prompto is Prompto. #Noct is just straight up depressed and I felt that dude #Ignis hasn't been allowed to feel anything since he was 7 lest he accidentally boil somebody alive #Which leaves Gladio. Good luck dude. You are going to need it. #H2O au? More like Gladio moonlights as a therapist au #Cruddy rambles

[anaalnathrakhs]

also not to add another slice to the depression sandwich when i'm clearly not the victim in this situation, but i can't help but replaying the little hurtful moments lately. stuff like paying attention and comissionning an artist to give my mom a birthday gift she'll love, and in return she gives her disordered kid who hates gifts (both facts she knows) chocolate for easter. my teacher who said some months ago when she was trying to subtly hint that she definitely knew about the restriction, something like "where has my little [irl name] who tried the common room snacks with me gone?", when at the time i tried the common room snacks i was also puking in the school bathroom like every other day. because none of these problems are new. yay.

#i can't help but feel kinda... tricked. by what people said to me and did trying to ''fix'' my restriction #cool so. i'm a worse person both to other people and to myself. #it was so fucking peaceful before and now i just. can't sleep. can barely read. can't shower. #i gained weight im still an ugly fuck but now im socially acceptable to make fun of and also not visibly mentally ill anymore #i've been basically encouraged to eat further than what i'm comfortable with. eat as other people do. give in to the fomo every time. #and like. i know i'm responsible for my own actions i know that someone giving me bad advice doesn't binds me to follow it #but when it comes from my own parents. when my friends clearly look at me weird when i dont eat. etc #it's also just scary not to give in #anyway yeah system's broken and my situation is nobody's fault but mine #i'll figure something out #broadcasting my misery #vent #ed tw

[skrunksthatwunk]

not to doomer post. but. american politics is like here's a conservative warmonger who wants to burn you alive personally and here's a different conservative warmonger who definitely wouldn't stop someone from burning you alive BUT who might raise the minimum wage by $0.30/hour for you, but only like eight years from now (so re-elect me please!! >w<). yes one of them has to be president they are the only two options we'll let you have. no neither of them will stop the government from killing you or anyone else, but at least one will say "it's kind of bad to kill people :( someone should really do something about that..." while giving the people-killers $20,000,000,000,000 to keep doing it then saying they can't afford to help you at all, but oh shucks, maybe next cycle, if you vote for me again! and also everyone will pretend as though they are extremely different political entities covering two highly polarized ends of the political spectrum despite nearly identical policy views obscured by their slightly different ways of addressing their target audiences, many of whom are also conservative warmongers. and also if you don't vote or vote third party the other guy will win and you will watch as they burn everyone you love alive in the same way they've burned so many strangers so you kind of feel like you have to vote for the other warmonger because even though they both have blood on their hands you'll take a handshake over an uppercut. even if you can still see the bodies piling up behind them. even if you can only save like five people you know and not the thousands of people who are dying in the other room. because you believe the difference between 30,000 and 30,005 is still worth it even though no one needed to die in the first place and no one seems to agree with you. you have to keep living in this world every day. if anything changes it will take decades and it will never be enough. if this takes a toll on you good fucking luck surviving off the generosity of the warmonger state that claims to serve you. happy voting!!

#like. yeah i'll take the raised minimum wage. i guess. but jesus christ #yes you are doing slightly good things sometimes almost. can you stop killing people though. please. that is a higher priority #like this is my first prezzy election season since i turned voting age right and like. what the fuck am i supposed to do now #what am i supposed to do with this. it took me 5 fucking months to pick a dead cockroach off my floor how am i supposed to fix this. #how am i meant to be a person and go on living while knowing i am doing nothing and cannot do anything and won't do anything #i need to fight i need to get up but i am stuck. im always stuck. i pray yknow. i don't know what else to do #how can people think about buying houses and getting promotions in this world. how are they not feeling likr their chest is caving in every #time they falter in their complex self-distraction. how am i supposed to do anything when all i can think about is helping and my body won't #let me. i cant do anything i cant but i have to but i cant. im supposed to and im a bad person if i dont and i cant live like that. #and if i am too upset about that i am punished for it by the people around me and ignored by those in power if not punished as well. #i love the world. i love people. you motherfuckers are killing everything and im not stopping you and you're getting in the way of me loving #the life i was built to love and i can't understand why you think it's even thinkable to do what you're doing. or what im doing. #i just want to look at clovers and paint and be good to my neighbors but you won't stop fucking murdering people in front of me #and i can't fucking do anything. i cant take care of the people i love i can't carry my own weight i can't take care of myself i can't move #and im supposed to fucking file taxes? to fund mass slaughter? on the off chance it might go to welfare or something. god. #i hate it here i hate it here america is a fucking nightmare it is hell i can't stand it but if i leave im just running and saving myself #whch is selfsh and cruel and so i would never be able to escape the feeling and i would always be in american hell because it' a part of me #but if i stay i cannot do anything because my body is filled with smoke and broken glass and im supposed to fucking get my drivers license #so i can buy groceries or get a job so i can keep myself on life support watching everything get worse and worse around me #and knowing that nothing has ever been good here and ive been lied to forever and im still being lied to #and i am in hell. #and me dying won't fix it and me living won't fix it ans both are too painful to even consider. #i am drowning i am drowning i am drowning i am drowning and my skin is on fire im on fire and i want to have children. but i can't imagine #doing that to someone. oh my god. and to raise them and watch them come to understand what this place ive brought them to is #that ive raised them in a slaughterhouse and to feebly try to show them the clovers and the ducks and the baby shoes and teach them to love #when maybe that love of the world is a distraction. or maybe i use it as one. i think of the blood as an obstacle to love and joy but maybe #i would not love the world so much if i was not so constantly desperately scared and ashamed of living in it #and i am a very lucky person. my life is cushy and i want to rip my skin off because what does that matter when it doesnt let me help people #god help me. but help the rest of them first. but i am helped first anyway and i hate it. i dont. i cant. god. #nyarla dni

[fxllfaiiry]

─ you're the sunflower ੈ✩‧₊˚

✶ pairing: miguel o'hara x fem!reader

✶ synopsis: everyone on the team loves you, expect miguel who seems to hate you more than anyone.

✶ warnings: angst!! major angst. sunshine!reader x grumpy!miguel. reader is nicknamed sunflower, mentions of death.

✶ notes: there's one spanish sentence in this, I'm not good with spanish so if I've made a mistake please tell me so i can fix it! part two is already up!!!

Everyone on the team loved you from the moment you joined, everyone, except Miguel. 

You knew Miguel was cold towards everyone, but he was extra cold with you. Maybe it was because of how different your personalities were. 

You were the embodiment of sunshine, always positive in any situation, putting others before yourself. Hence why everyone calls you sunflower, it fits perfectly, Miles was proud of coming up with it. 

Miguel on the other hand was cold and distant but that didn't stop you from trying to get him to open up. You'd try to have simple conversations with him but nothing, all you would receive in reply was an eye roll or a slight grunt, but you wouldn't give up that easily. 

Like today, you got him some coffee. 

"Morning, boss. Got you some coffee." You said in your usual cheerful tone. 

"Why?" He raised his eyebrows, looking down at you suspiciously. That's the most he's said to you all week. 

"Because I wanted to." You shrugged, placing it down on his desk. 

He steped down walking towards his desk, you couldn't help but stare at him, unfortunately for you, everything about him was so attractive, it's such a shame he hated you. 

"This isn't how I like my coffee." 

"Huh?" You snapped out of your daydream at the sound of his voice. 

"The coffee, it tastes terrible. Get it from another place next time." 

"Well, actually I made it-" But he had already walked away from you not listening to a word you said. "Alright, never mind, I'll just go back to work." You mumbled hurt by his words. 

"Wait, hold on." You looked up, thinking, maybe he'll say something nice after all. 

"Yeah?" 

"Take the coffee with you, I won't be drinking it." 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

"Girl, why do you look so sad? Did Miguel do something again?" Jess asked with a frown, she did not like seeing you sad. 

"No."

"Sunflower…"

"Okay, yes." Miguel being cold towards you was normal, he never spoke to you unless necessary. Out of everyone here, he probably hated you the most, even more than Miles.  

"Sunflower, I've told you to stop trying." Jess sighed. 

"I know, I know… why does he hate me so much, Jess?" 

"That's just the way he is, don't overthink it. It's his loss, baby." She replied, gently patting your shoulder. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Today was going to be a good day, you were so sure of it. 

But, of course, you were wrong. 

Everything was going great up until a few hours ago. 

Miguel had assigned you on a mission to catch an anomaly, alongside a few other spider-people. His instructions were clear, stick to the plan and catch the anomaly. It was supposed to be simple. 

If only you didn't disobey him. You screwed up badly, and because of that, you could have been killed. 

"Why don't you ever listen?" Miguel shouted. No one had ever seen him this angry. 

"I was just tryin-" 

"¡Ay, por el amor de Dios!" Being yelled at by your boss in front of your coworkers was humiliating, everyone was looking at you with pity. 

"I'm sick of this, why can’t you follow simple instructions? Is it that hard to understand?" He barked, towering over you. 

"It's not a big deal." You tried to keep your composure, you didn't want to humiliate yourself further by bursting into tears. 

"Not a big deal? You could've died! A simple mistake would have ruined the whole mission." 

Don't cry. Don't cry. 

"But we're all fine, aren't we?" You weakly chuckled. That was the wrong thing to say because it only made him angrier. 

"Oh? If that's the attitude you have then you shouldn't even be on the team." Ouch. 

"Miguel, I think that's enough-" Hobie said, quickly jumping in. 

"Not now, Hobie." He growled. 

Never once did you think that you'd be in a situation like this. 

"If you put more focus on trying to be good at your job, rather than impressing me, we wouldn't even be here!" Oh, so he did notice that. 

At this point, tears were streaming freely down your face and you made no attempt to stop them. 

"Yep, you got it, boss." You smiled up at him through your tears. It was pathetic, but you did not care, you just wanted to leave and never come back. 

"Next time make sure this doesn't happen." 

"It won't happen next time." That's because there won't be a next time.

#📂 ‧₊˚ my works .ᐟ #miguel o'hara #miguel o'hara x reader #spiderman across the spiderverse #across the spiderverse #spiderman atsv #spiderman x reader #spiderman #spiderman 2099 #spiderman 2099 x reader #oscar isaac x reader #oscar isaac #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o'hara angst

[szczylpierdolony]

suicide is so unnecessarily dramatic and for what

#bc i think hanging is my best option #but idk it feels like such an annoying thing bc then someone finds you and it’s a whole thing #i just wanna be dead and for my body to disintegrate #and i wish i was never born bc so far it’s just been 20 years of being achtelt aware something is wrong with me and i can never fix it #there’s sth about knowing that at any given moment you’re the dumbest ugliest and least interesting person in the room #and that everything you do always feels like a bad imitation of others #the way you talk or dress or move feels wrong and everyone can tell #also i think i’m gonna start starving myself again #bc i can’t stand the way i look and food makes me feel gross and i hate the feeling of a full stomach it’s so fucking disgusting #and all i ever think abt when i eat is if i’m gonna gain weight anyway so it’s not like there’s mental stability to lose #and there’s no break to this either bc every single interaction i have with anyone just makes me feel worse no matter who #it’s the worst at uni bc everyone is cool and smart and going somewhere and i’m not #and yeah i’m not the only one who’s mentally i’ll but everyone is still somehow able to be prepared for class and have a relationship #and go out and meet with friends and work #and i can’t do anything but lay in bed and cry and it’s not fair idc #and nothing brings me any joy anymore i don’t draw and reading is tiring and i can’t get up to do any japanese practice #idk if i just wish this could end