#( man am I making any sense here

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Trigun Thoughts Vol. 1 Pt. 2

So now that I've finished with volume 1, I just wanted to write down a couple thoughts I've had and neat things to point out so far

When I was watching Stampede, I took note of a few kind of textbook avoidant behaviours Vash engages in, and lo and behold, here he is in the manga displaying even more of them. I'll list out a few here.

In order, we have:

Casually asking for a time limit on the interaction (ie. "How long do I have to keep this up before I can leave?")

Attempting to lose people in a crowd

Leaving without saying anything (and as a bonus, dreading being recognized in public)

Over-indulging or over-involving oneself in social events to create a viable excuse to leave suddenly (in this case, he uses alcohol as a reason to "pass out")

Sleeping to avoid unwanted conversation

Escaping to the bathroom to get away for a bit (and also to grumble about it haha)

Playing off sincere reactions by deliberately allowing them to be misinterpreted to avoid personal questions

It's really obvious, even this early in the manga, that Vash is intentionally avoiding prolonged interaction with people, and only involving himself in situations by necessity. He doesn't like attention on himself - the only reason he intentionally draws it is to divert it away from others.

The reason for this is a bit muddy though. It does seem that Vash doesn't particularly enjoy being caught up in drama, and it is also very likely he wishes to get in and out of places as quickly as possible to avoid them getting caught up in his drama too. It may even be that he finds prolonged socializing kind of tiring; that he needs a certain amount of time to himself.

But then there's also this bit, shortly after the celebration, where he pretends to pass out.

This brings in a bit of a guilt aspect to it. It likely has to do with July, or maybe it's due to something else (at this point, we can't say), but I think it's notable that Vash cuts things off shortly before they become intimate. He can play along to make others happy and to share in their joy for a bit, but the second things get too personal or focused on him, he will quietly slip away. Now this is specifically an instance of physical intimacy, but I think it'd probably hold for emotional intimacy as well, given the continuous avoidance and misdirection he does to prevent too many questions.

I made some commentary on Stampede Vash's self-punishing behaviours - specifically, the way he denies himself food. I don't want to get too into it because I don't know if everyone reading this has seen Stampede, but food is framed as something to be shared in the show - so, denying himself food is denying himself the right to share with others, which is denying himself belonging, which is denying himself any semblance of intimacy. (It means other things too, as food-sharing is associated with Rem, but I don't want to get too into it here.)

Vash in the manga doesn't seem to have the same issues with eating, but this is a similar premise - he's denying himself intimacy out of a sense of not being deserving of it.

So, then, there are probably many interwoven reasons for Vash's avoidance - he's sick of the chaos that follows him around, he doesn't want others getting hurt, he gets tired from having to "play it up" all the time, and he seems to also feel that he doesn't deserve that closeness. I'm intrigued to see how Vash's avoidance will be tackled going forward (I'm assuming it will?), and I suspect, more than there being one right reason for it, that all these reasons are actually true to an extent.

On a completely different note, this panel here is the biggest mood. I feel it in my bones.

#me looking at vash's avoidant strategies: ha ha ha. i do that. #me: ...wait. no. that's bad. #meryl says 'vash stop getting into situations' and vash says 'i am trying to get OUT of the situations! i don't want to be here either!!!' #i do think there's a lot of... exhaustion to his character we don't see as much with stampede vash. manga vash looks TIRED man. #it makes sense. we know vash isn't... happy. to say the least. #playing it up all the time when you are not happy - i can tell you any social interaction becomes flat out exhausting #you're always acting. you feel like you have to be so careful with what you say. it's far less draining to just leave the room. #trigun #trigunbookclub #vash the stampede #trigun meta #storyrambles #if i'm just saying what is incredibly obvious or repeating what others have already said i'm sorry. #once i'm caught up i'll follow the book club tag and read what others have written!

[metukika]

ill say it before and ill say it again. hc that teru doesnt like serizawa at all.

#im gonna go into it here cuz im not confident in my hcs hi hello #so actually not cuz of the whole claw thing. i think that seri wanting to be a better person is like the one thing teru respects about him #and thats the thing. hes like !!! hes kinda like me!!! so he lowkey tries to make a connection thru that like haha we were both assholes an #arent perfect but trying! but see heres the thing. serizawa is an adult. he wants to act like an adult. so he treats teru like a child. not #in a bad way. normal adult to child. he respects him and all but see teru acts and maybe feels that he feels like an adult. so he sees that #as disrespectful. finally someone whos kinda ignorant like him... but hes treating teru like hes a child?! maybe legally serizawa is an #adult but after staying inside his room for years and then all that manipulation at claw.. mentally teru considers them the same. except #that seri wont act like it cuz reigen told him how to treat regular teenagers but teru isnt a regular teenager get what im sayin #ok and. then teru is kinda mean to him like ok man get outta my way but seri respects him and gives him more chances which makes teru feel #guilty which makes him dislike seri even more and try to push him away by being mean and its this hopeless cycle until one day teru snaps a #him and they have an actual conversation and he can see that hes actually the one treating serizawa like a child. and that hes like a shitt #adult in this scenario am i making any sense is anyone even listening #anyways sorry this is in the tags if u thought it was good and wanted to rb. hope i made u consider some dynamics

[camellcat]

WTFFF I thought thirteen would be my new girl crush love of my life heart eyes wife you-came-after-twelve-you-must-be-better-than-they're-all-saying bbygirl and then I had to sit down and watch as she told a man who (if he were not a murderer, of course) literally every regeneration before her would've LOVED and FULLY SUPPORTED that "the systems aren't the problem. how people use and exploit the system, that's the problem. people like you" </33333 !?!?

#WHERE IS THAT POST THAT SAID NINE WOULD KILL THIRTEEN FOR BEING A CLASS TRAITOR #WHY WOULD YOU SAY “ERODE PEOPLE'S TRUST IN AUTOMATION” ALL WORRIED AND CONCERNED LIKE THAT??? #WHEN DID YOU START LIKING AUTOMATION OVER PEOPLE THINKING AND DOING THINGS FOR THEMSELVES??? #AND WHY ARE YOU TRAVELING WITH A COPPER??? WE HATE COPPERS?????? #did we FORGET into the dalek?? how about how he treated danny?? god there's so much more I can't even remember off the top of my head #(I understand soldiers are different from cops but c'mon don't even PRETEND twelve would've been any nicer if blue or danny were just COPS) #also a bit off topic bUT MAY I JUST TALK ABOUT ARACHNIDS IN THE UK FOR HALF A GODAMNED SECOND— #I know the companions are usually the ones to do the doctor's dirty work here but like #I just can't see the other doctors NOT having the business man lure the spider for being so fuckin annoying about it #like I was genuinely surprised when they had him do that whole song and dance about not doing it and then he actually just. didn't do it #the doctor LOVES fucking with evil rich business men this is PERFECT. plus why not get back at him for being awful to their companions? #absolutely gobsmacked thirteen let him act like that. I am wrong in thinking that the others would've shut his shit down a LOT quicker?? #anyways. I love jodie whittaker and it's just so upsetting to have her doctor do something so wildly off #THIRTEEN PLEASE I HAD SUCH FAITH IN YOUUU I WAS IGNORING THE HATERS AND FOR WHAT #I can SEE the other doctors in her still I can FEEL them they're there she's doing an AMAZING job but. oh my god. what did they make her do #I can't even say she feels ooc as a whole because jodie is bloody brilliant. it's just these... moments. that don't make ANY sense to me... #especially coming off of twelve?? I get the radical personality switch but that belief is a core part of the doctor. or at least I THOUGHT #thirteenth doctor #doctor who #I still love all of you who love her and reading ur posts/fics but I. will not be making any myself. I do not think.

[beanghostprincess]

I feel like an idiot but I fr didn’t think buggy is that close to shanks until oden flashbacks. I knew shanks was important to buggy but narratively I thought everyone else was more important to shanks. Rn I think aside from obvious uta luffy etc it seems Buggy would be closest bonds he has????? Am I crazy??

I knew from the very first Shuggy flashback that they would be each other's worlds and I never doubted it for a second so I can't relate to this in the slightest. But maybe it's just me and my obsession with "best friends to lovers to resentful exes that will never move on from their relationship" characters.

#in fact i thought we would have more content of them #and now i am here with two flashbacks and a single scene of them together #i am starving this is what it feels like to die of hunger #but i get what you mean dw i feel like they make more emphasis on buggy's bond with shanks than shanks' bond with buggy #if that makes. any sense #but that's because shanks is repressed af #let the man talk about his feelings oda c'mon let him talk about his ex #one piece #red haired shanks #buggy the clown #shuggy

[sweetdreamsbuck]

this is going to sound sooo silly but I AM so!

I just want to be someone's pretty girl so bad:(

and not because I think i'm pretty, in fact I struggle with seeing that at all– but because someone just needs to adore me and cherish me and make sure I feel so seen, so important, that they just love making me feel special. in turn I get to be called something so soft and sweet and completely their's!

i'm just being emotional and dramatic but I wore a new sweater and did my hair differently today (not anything fancy just differently) and no one at work even spared a glance my way! not that I want attention from any of my coworkers lmao and yes I have the self image and confidence of a worn down run over piece of cement but it would be so nice to have someone to wake up to or come home to who wants to let me know they see me🥺

#this is basically my long winded way of saying I want someone to want me lol #I have never been someone's sweet girl or pretty girl and it genuinely is the only thing I long for #idc if that makes me sound pathetic because I am! #I don't know if this makes any sense but it's what's going through my head #all these romance novels I have been devouring are incredible until I realize I am not anything like these girls the fall HARD for #they are starting to make my........ heart ache #my expectations are high and my self worth non existent! #a bitch is lonely and empty and feeling worthless! #don't come in here with 'a man won't fix that' I KNOW let me just wallow in the feelings lol

[yuesya]

the Gojo clan in canon is said to be basically held up only by Satoru, so in zenith of stars do almost all of the Gojo clan’s active sorcerers die/retire by the time canon starts?

Nope.

#QA #zenith of stars #yes i am aware that canonically gojo is the one-man representative of the gojo clan in the jujutsu world #but i consider that an exaggeration if you're interpreting it literally #as in yes he's their most powerful and notable sorcerer who happens to be most visible #but he's not literally the only sorcerer from the clan #i know that as of chapter 230s we still haven't seen any other gojo characters in canon #but this is what makes sense in my head so that's what we'll be rolling with in the fic here

[cyber-streak-2]

Mmm. Not having a good time right now, and probably still won’t for a little while longer. I’m just feeling a lot, having a lot of swings, and I’m just feeling so upset- oogh. Just not having a good time atm.

...Anybody got some Blorbo things, by chance? Might not do anything, but it would be nice. Or chatting.

#Anubis’s Chatter #Cyber’s Chatter #Man. I wish Krok/Wheeljack/etc were around- #Become best friend with Blorbo #It’s not the worst thing ever though #I guess this next bit is a bit... vent-y so sorry (nobody has to read if they don’t want to) #I’m already feeling upset (just a little) but then I know ‘oh haha girl/other gender things’ or whatever #And then I just feel sad because ‘oh yeah. stuff for that gender’ and it just reminds me of stuff #Y’know #I am a *he* and an *it* but then there’s always little things here and there that remind of other things #I don’t know if any of this makes sense- I’m not good with words #Ig a part of another thing in this little circle of occasional things is... dysphoria? #Is that what it’s called?- I’m not even sure rn #Little vent thing over- sorry for that- and to anyone who read it

[possibly-eli]

once again posting a reminder (very gently, when you consider how fucking frustrated i am) that i am anti-kff! there are otherkin terms that people can use and, instead of educating themselves on this, they actively CHOOSE to belittle and bully otherkin folks, all while being a teensy tiny little bit ableist in how they go about it. its not a "erm these people are just minding their business and they're ALSO kin anyway" NO they are NOT. they are, by very fucking definition, either 'hearted or 'link (IF their connection is genuine ANYWAYS). that is NOT. KIN. and its kinda fucking telling if you think a community whose entire existence hinges on deliberate ignorance and harassment of a group is equal to the group theyre harassing and bastardising the terms and experiences of

#am i making ANY FUCKING SENSE #i swear to GOD #"dni antikin (this includes anti-kff) no the FUCK it does NOT #because kff ISNT. KIN #JESUS FUCKING! CHRIST!!! #kff “kins” are LINKTYPES and HEARTTYPES most often (again. if theyre not just being hashtag quirky on the internet) #also please please fuck off if you use the word “k/nn/e” i dont even care if you arent kff just. please go away #im stressed as balls man i dont like having to think about shit that stresses me out and annoys me but here i am! thinking about it! #this isnt directed at anyone btw i just keep seeing “omg this character is one of my biggest kins (kff)” and im so fucking tired of it #its mainly on tiktok anyways so im kinda shouting at air but fuck off #and like even when i see other ACTUAL otherkin/nonhuman/alterhuman folks say “oh yeah i 'kin' this character for fun” #it makes me so aggressively uncomfortable cause just. use 'link' man #use 'click' or 'heart' #stop Doing That cause thats not a fucking kintype and you are contributing to the problem (though minorly compared to other stuff) #theres also this one server wherein people would act and talk about their hearttypes as if they were kintypes despite outright saying - #- THEMSELVES “oh yeah this is a hearttype” #do you know what a fucking hearttype is? #are you stupid?

[corrodedcoughin]

Eddie does that thing where you turn your eyelids inside out (it’s actually what hellfire club use instead of a secret handshake). Steve screamed the first time he saw Eddie, dustin, Lucas and Mike pull the ‘handshake’ out when Steve was trying to take a group photo of them

#steddie #eddie munson #stranger things #steve harrington #henderdads #me waking up in the middle of the night to post a hc then fade Back into sleep? #well apparently that’s my symptoms of withdrawing from my antidepressants #it’s going to get SILLY #hope you all had a nice weekend #(btw I hope it’s clear that any post/tag/thing I reblog is an invitation to send me an ask/message/comment #abt anything you want I won’t have Steddie nation feeling lonely or ignored 😤 #but like if you are a minor I’m legit an old man I’m in my late twenties please look after yourself I am not here to make u uncomfy) #idk it’s 3am I am not making sense but that’s not new

[takethistoyourstardust]

Mage Ranks the JD2023E Map… Locked Out of Heaven

IT’S BLORBO TIME BITCHES. Um, I mean, we’re getting a bit dramatic now in our story line, as we meet Jack Rose, the flamboyant superstar son of our main villain!

MAP: Locked Out of Heaven - Bruno Mars DIFFICULTY: Medium EFFORT: Moderate JD+ NEEDED?: No SEASON: Base game/Enter the dancerverses playlist

Category Seven Autism Event inbound under the cut! Seriously, though, this one is long, ramble-y, and overall just a big excuse for me to infodump the fuck out of this map. It might not make a lot of sense, but putting it all down made me happy, so I hope it makes you happy to read it :)!

--

I don’t need to tell you this song is good, right? It’s Bruno fuckin’ Mars, of COURSE it’s good! This song was actually pre-Uptown Funk, and it’s honestly one of his best songs from that time. I actually hated a lot of early Bruno Mars stuff (Grenade my beloathed), but now he’s probably one of my favorite vocalists. So yeah, I don’t need to tell you the song fucks! You already know that!

However, it’s the way that this song is used that fascinates me. The original context of the song is just “wanting to spend the night at someone’s house because they’re real good in the sack”, and the JD team saw that and went “But What If It’s About Parental Neglect” and ran with it. During the second verse, Night Swan’s face keeps taking over the background, that’s supposed to just be reflections of Jack dancing. And during that final chorus, after the first gold move where Jack is on his knees, and Night Swan Tower reveals itself, the jumbotrons that had Jack’s face on it are replaced by the tower’s visage, as the chorus sings “I’ve been locked out of heaven/for too long/for too long” and it fades back to his room, right where we started. Hell, even before that, he’s pointing to the audience during the lines “Can I just stay here?/Spend the rest of my days here?”, telling us in pretty fucking clear terms that his passion isn’t what he’s supposed to do, but what he wants to do - perform. He’s been locked out of heaven for too long, he’s been kept away from the love a mother should express for her child. And now he’s trying to find that happiness in his performance.

Speaking of, the routine! It’s fucking great! I think it’s ranked pretty fairly in terms of difficulty and effort, but if I can be honest, I found this routine shockingly easy. It’s not the easiest thing in the world, but after the technical nightmare that was Rather Be, and the (slight spoilers) upcoming technical nightmare that is Majesty, I would consider LOoH as almost a breather level. Almost, I say, if it wasn’t for the FIFTEEN SPINS you have to land. Seriously, between the one leg spin-hop, the full circle he makes during the chorus, and even the spin you have to do before the final Gold Move, there’s a reason a lot of people were joking that this song should’ve been called “Spinned Out of Heaven”. But maybe it’s the theater kid in me (it’s probably the theater kid in me), I didn’t find the spins all that difficult or demanding. And both the Gold Moves in this routine are fairly easy, with one being the jump you have to do at the start of the final chorus, and the other being the final move in the entire song, the hand raise that you started with. If I had to complain about one thing, I would say that I wish they had you “holding” the microphone in your right hand more. It’s easy for me to imagine holding the mic while doing certain moves, the bridge of the song being the most obvious, but most of the time it’s “in” your left hand when the game only tracks your right hand. It’s just a bit of a dissonance in my head, where it goes “wait, but i AM holding something in the right hand, why are you saying there’s something in my left?!”. But at that point, that’s just a nitpick.

The whole choreography tells us so much about Jack as a dancer. He’s flamboyant, he’s a showman, he lives for the dramatics. He knows how to work a crowd! His stage presence is amazing.

Speaking of! Jack Rose! The blorbo that has ruined my fucking life!!!

Quick note before I get into this... I’m not crazy when I say his name, Jack Rose, probably comes from the two main characters from Titanic, Jack and Rose, right?! No one else has pointed this out, not even the wiki, and I feel like I’m going fucking crazy. Like I know “Jack” is a very common guy’s name and “Rose” ties into the face his main color is red, but together? That’s a Titanic reference, baby! I’m not the only one who saw that, right?????

Anyways! Look at this man in his red suit, his stupid (affectionate) feather boa shoulder piece, his lipstick matching his hair, his gold glove, his stupid little microphone!!! All of this combined makes for one hell of a memorable character, at least for me. I love love love love LOVE monochrome character palettes, I love the mix of reds and blacks, I love it when random strappy things are on a character, I love a little pop of fur...

... wait a god damn second. Those are all the elements my ultimate blorbo of all time has!!!

(pictured: my ultimate blorbo of all time, aka my warrior of light in final fantasy xiv, ahrora, in her current outfit. note the reds, blacks, strappy things, and pop of fur. no matter what, she’s always gonna be my absolute favorite just because she’s my oc i poured so much into. don’t worry rora, you’re not getting replaced, you never could be <3) (it doesn’t help that her main class is quite literally dancer ALDFSKJAS;DFLKJASLD)

Okay, that’s a bit of a stretch, but I do adore red-coded characters, and honestly with the feathers it’s reminding me of one of my top 5 favorite characters of all time, Yamato Kazakiri from Animal Sentai Zyuohger, mostly because they’re both red and both give off Bird Vibes and not much else. But Yamato could sometimes serve this type of cunt. But now we’re getting twenty miles off from the topic so let’s get back the fuck on track.

Okay I’m sorry this is so much longer and more disjointed than the other reviews but this map makes me scream cry and throw up.

The map starts with Jack as a kid, dancing alone in his room. His mother, Night Swan, looks on, and motions in a way that says she’s disapproving of her son’s actions.

How it’s supposed to come off: Night Swan disapproves because Jack is supposed to be training to be the leader of her army, and shouldn’t have time for frivolous shit like “his own happiness”.

How it comes off to a lot of people: Night Swan disapproves because Jack is expressing his interest in a traditionally “feminine” hobby.

I’m not sure how many people related to that second interpretation, but I did see a LOT of people say that’s how they felt when they saw this cutscene for the first time. Personally, my interpretation was more like the first one; Jack wasn’t being absolutely perfect, and she thinks that if he’s not, he shouldn’t even bother. Of course, a bit of parental neglect never stopped anyone! It just traumatizes and yassifies you!

Honest to god, when I first saw this transition from his child self to his adult self, it made me gasp a bit, Even after his mother has expressed disapproval, he’s still going forward with being a performer. Sure, he is the main leader of her assimilated army, but he just wants to perform in front of people! And he loves it! And the audience loves him too!

But at the end of the day, the one person who he just wants to get some form of approval from won’t give it to him. He’s not good enough.

No, not good. She doesn’t care much for good.

He’s not perfect enough.

God, the love of performance and heartbreak over still not getting any love from his mother after all this time is portrayed so well by his dancer. Makes me feel extremely insane.

I think a question that’s fair to ask is “well if she wants Jack to follow all her orders, why not assimilate him, too?”. And I think the answer is twofold. One, she needs someone who’s able to make snap decisions outside of her own brain to lead her army successfully. If you’re left to your own devices, you may end up making a huge mistake you didn’t foresee. And secondly, no matter how much parental neglect she’s shown Jack, on some level she can’t bring herself to assimilate him because he is her son. She doesn’t care about his happiness, but she doesn’t want to lose someone who may potentially be the final tie to her life before Night Swan, since the dad seems to be M.I.A. And her disapproval of Jack being a performer might stem from her own insecurities of being a failed ballerina; she’s already gone through the pain and humiliation of trying to be a performer and failing, and she doesn’t want Jack to go through the same. Of course, there might be an element of jealousy there too. He IS a successful performer. He’s performing in front of an arena of people, for god’s sake! She’s seeing him live out a dream she couldn’t have, and wants to shut that down for him.

Many thoughts, head full, blorbo living in there.

Of course, by the end of the map, the Just Dancers make it through to where he’s staying...

But for now, that’s where our story must stop.

--

GENERAL RATING: THUMBS UP!!!!!!!!

SPECIFIC RATING: 10/10

Holy shit this is my favorite map in the whole game. I don’t give a shit. The choreography is fun and easy for a theater kid like me to grasp while still being genuinely challenging in a fair sense, the story of the map is told so well in less than five minutes, Jack Rose is just an iconic coach, everything about him just rattles my fucking brain like a cup of dice. Does he know how much I care about him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And to top it all off, he gets a song that already fucked hard and gets it recontextualized to be about an emotionally distant, neglectful mother, and how he just wants that closeness with somebody, anybody, and that he just wants to perform!

He just wants someone close to him to care about it, too!

... Is that really too much to ask?

--

THANK YOU for reading, especially if you actually DID read my absolute fucking brain rot on a page and didn’t just scroll down to the end. No shame if you did, I would do the same LMFAO. Next time, we’re looking at the penultimate song in the playlist, Majesty! There’s no obligation to follow me (especially not after the absolute thesis i just wrote), but if you wanna see my rankings of all the other JD2023 maps, please stick around! I promise they won’t be as long/disjointed/nonsensical as this one ended up being! Have a good day!

~ Mage <3

#just dance #just dance 2023 #jd2023 #jack rose #jack rose just dance #mage's rankings of just dance 2023 maps #danceverses rankings #i need a just dance tag #SORRY FOR THE WORD VOMIT IN ADVANCE. THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY GOD DAMN SENSE. #the Mage rambles #i have a lot of thoughts about this man and i cannot succinctly word it to save my life #so you will have to be subjected to a glorified stream of thought #a lil behind the scenes here but i write these rankings late at night #it's almost 3 am on sunday and my brain is fucking BUZZING like crazy #also! cameo appearance from my most beloved oc ever! say hello to her or i will blow you up! #ANYWAYS THANKS FOR READING. I AM GONNA SCREAM MORE NOW <3

[mmmthornton]

Stan when any of his guy friends don't pay attention to him for five minutes: uwu i'm just a sad wittle boy 😢

Stan when his girlfriend wants his attention or any kind of communication whatsoever: um okay 😒 needy b*tch

#south park spoilers #stan marsh: the new randy! #south park #i don't want to seem like i automatically HATE it when a south park character is an asshole or a misogynist #because that is ...the only explanation its just blatant misogyny he doesn't like her as a person he doesn't even like her as a girlfriend #he just wants her to be there when HE wants her #and thats fine in a comedy! you can do that!.....if you make jokes~ #if i want to watch a guy be a jerk to women for thirty minutes i can go literally anywhere i don't need to go to a comedy show for that #like i'm HERE because the egg-shaped construction paper babies are terrible and it makes sense when they're written as like kids too #instead of just the mouthpiece of a bitter old man who hates his wife probably #because when you don't make jokes about it or even care about the story you're writing...that's just what it is #it doesn't seem like the person writing it is even having a good time exploring this side to Stan or any of the characters #so whats the point? why am I here? i don't want to watch your rough draft of your woman-hating agenda #its just not good but its not even not-good in an interesting way its in a boring old man way #which is the REAL crime in entertainment

[brokentoothmarch]

Started Thinking too Hard Again abt How bcs i Live in Singapore Lgbt-wise it Feels like im th Only Type of Person tht i Am nd theres Nobody Like me nd No way to do Anythn Abt It nd i KNOW There are Singaporean Trans ppl OBVS bt i like Know Nobody My Age nd i Dont Personally Know or See Anybody like Me at All nd Singapores Unique Hell of “Dont rock the boat If you die dont make a fuss bcs We straight up dont give a shit” Makes it like 1000000x Worse Alright Campers Todays challenge is to Find a reason to Keep Going

#🔖 #GOD I AM NOT YR STRONGEST SOLDIER #Its th Reality of my Situation so Obvs it cant be Ignored bt Staring too Hard at it Feels like Staring at the Sun #nd so like Yknow. Move to Smplace where More ppl like Me can be Found #bt Isnt tht in a Sense ‘Abandoning’ Ppl like me Theoretically here who are in Hiding #Like Shldnt i ‘Stay’ bcs i shld Make ‘Home’ Better #I Hate it Here Man #Dont go on r/singapore fr Any reason but Especially dont Read their Opinions on Nonbinary Ppl

[paging-possum]

Who up listening to good luck babe by chappell roan and having it resonate not in the way intended but resonating nonetheless. About to go ham in the tags about the overlap of being a lesbian and being aromantic...if u even care....

#my art #gore #organs #its 2am so not a lot of this is going to be very coherent but this song makes me feel a lot of things about it all #like. its the Expectations #the expectation that im going to date men and the expectation that im going to date at all have always felt equally stifling #theres that feeling of not trying hard enough or not realizing it at first or trying to lean into what you're told you should feel #and having it not pay off time and time again and wishing you could just make it work #because everyone else around you has it just fine and you dont get why you're struggling with it so much #THERE ARE MORE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN THE TWO IS WHAT IM SAYING #like obviously figuring out aromanticism is especially weird because its a lack of something BUT THEYRE PRETTY SIMILAR #realizing I dont want to date anyone mirrors realizing I didn't like boys but like. idk man its worse sometimes? #I wouldn't trade it for the world it means a lot to me but its almost like people go out of their way not to understand it sometimes #at the end of the day I am the you in that song #it was a very very long road to being okay with never falling in love because that was something I wanted for a very very long time #at the end of the day I will never have to be someones wife and I think its better that way #but its also hard not to get jealous sometimes #like I know its irrational I know I get physically ill at just the thought of being asked out but like #sometimes ill see my friends with their girlfriends and ill feel like clawing my own chest out with want #but also if anyone asks me out I will have to dig myself into a pit and never come out. I think. #I want to be with women but I dont want to Be With Women if that makes sense #its another layer of difficulty that I dont think I'll ever be able to get past #I feel like at this point I should just be trying to conditioning myself out of any form of desire because its just not an option for me #which definitely isn't true and like chappell roan says. you'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling. #but its also so tiring to have to sit here with the feeling and feel bad for having the feeling. #I dont know #I think if I felt a little more or a little less I’d be fine but I’m stuck in the middle #it feels very weird talking about this openly but also its very difficult to talk about with friends because most of them dont get it #anyways something something Josies monologue from bottoms #im going to bed

[marc--chilton]

not the way i saw wilson in the OR and went "hiiiii!!! :333 " completely involuntarily

#houseblogging #sometimes i will have a reaction to seeing him that just makes me think like. #“i'm like if house was some little queer boy with no filter instead of a 40+ cynical man with no filter” #or yknow those silly little wooby posts i see sometimes that are like out of character but the emotion is still valid #am i making any sense here i'm still kicking my feet at seeing wilson in scrubs #and. also house in scrubs ngl. dont ask

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

half 11 at night gender hits different

#i have been having. a weird fucking time #lile everything i thought i knew about myself is a lie kind of weird #like ive been keeping a whole tidal wave back #keeping it ina. box i didnt even know was there most of the time #everytime it tried to get out i shoved it back in so automatically i mostly didnt realise i was doing it #bc man is it uncomfortable #but i am only left with emptiness and disconnect #and everytime i shoved it back in the box got smaller and it was harder to shove back in #and here we are now #and its baffling and it doesnt make any sense but its the only thing that feels like it makes sense and it feels right to step towards it #but im not shoving it in the box again #i could life would be much simpler if i did but id carry on watching the girl in the mirror who's never been real live it instead #and i think sooner or later the box would fucking shatter anyway #WHOO #anywayyy thats enough hyperpersonal life updating for tonight 🤣 #it's a very confusing time but also exciting and I've never been more hopeful that this might actually be it #im not ready to say what i think i am yet i can barely say it to myself in plain words but I'll get there 💜 #mine #gender adventures with neednoggle #maybe delete later

[piastriblogging]

yukierre get married in vegas

they do it as a joke but also they’re super drunk and just like the karaoke everyone encourages them bcs it’s good content like ilies vlogs the whole thing but the footage is subpar and they all believe that thing that’s like it’s not actually a real wedding

except it is and they find out after abu dhabi and laugh about and then a few hrs later yuki has pierre cornered somewhere and says something nonchalantly about annulment and pierre avoids him for the whole winter break

it’s easier, if he avoids him, to pretend yuki really wanted to marry him. or that he doesn’t exist, whichever is less painful at any given moment in time.

AND IT SUCKS ESPECIALLY bcs hed convinced yuki to move TO milan, FINALLY. and alpine keeps trying to get him to move closer to their HQ and he keeps saying no and they keep saying at least france and he keeps saying no…. but…

anyways it’s stupid of him to think he can avoid this and his friends tell him so but he can’t help it he just keeps thinking if he doesn’t see yuki then yuki can’t tell him he doesn’t actually want him in any ways that’s emotionally real and he just. he can’t. not now.

and he can’t avoid yuki forever because they’re best friends and legally married in the united states and live in the same city that’s only so big so running into each other is inevitable

i’m imagining a scenario where they run into each other and yuki talks pierre into going to some sort of cafe or something. idk. 😐 i’ve never been to italy. but they talk and get coffee and it’s very awkward until yuki is just like you cannot avoid me, you tell me to move to milan and then you don’t even hang out with me i thought we were joking about the whole not inviting me to your house thing. and pierre can’t rlly say anything except sorry bcs he doesn’t want to lie… but it’s fine bcs it’s yuki and he’s got no clue why pierre is being so weird and he’s been busy so he’s jsut like. DONT do it again 😠😤

and the rest of brunch is good and fun and then when they’re about to part, yuki is like oh also we should take care of the annulment before the season starts, nyck knows someone who knows a lawyer who can take care of it all for us and pierre feeling like shit just nods

at the end of the day pierre will do whatever it takes to get yuki’s eyes on him, hands on him, attention on him. he always wants more but he’s also a good catholic boy and will take what he’s given. he goes to confession and tells the father he’s been greedy and selfish and he says fifteen hail marys and leaves €300 in the donation bucket and tells himself he will not make this a problem anymore

if they would just idk have sex about it they would be fine but they WONT bcs yuki likes to play hard to get and pierre is so catholic it’s killing him.

actually i’m starting to think this is maybe 100 degrees off from actual pierre characterization bcs tbh he does often go for what he wants. but i feel like it might be different w yuki where he’s been messing around about it for so long that to make it serious is to risk their entire friendship. like chasing instagram models is easy bcs there’s always another instagram model. but yuki is the only yuki he has.

anyways after the annulment pierre goes back to flirting w yuki 24/7 ala 2022 and it’s whiplash from ignoring him practically all winter but like. he’s got nothing to lose there’s nothing between them they fucked and they got married and now they’re not married and not fucking

i’ve thought about it too hard and lost the original plot of the movie but anyways ensue an insane year of pierre desiring yuki carnally and yuki being still mostly passive but probably actually more responsive than before bcs like. babes they got married so…

blah blah blah idk idk idk they have insane sex blah blah blah talk about feelings yada yada tada happy ending ????

#tbh i have no grasp on character here. like this is not at all making any sense. i don’t really care. #idk what i did here #i ALSO wrote this high but it was saturday MORNING #just s things waking up at 7 am writing up whatever the fuck this is in the longest twt thread ever #and then going back to bed and forgetting all about it #actually i think he’s just going to have a lot of lustful and intense sex w yuki #and pretend he doesn’t deeply desire making an honest man out of him #mine #yukierre