#( pepper in some clinical depression )

[dancingtotuyo]

5. sleep the hours that i can't weep

Woman | Joel Miller

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Chapter Summary: You have a rough day

Tags: Joel Miller X Female Reader. Age Gap (Reader is 42, Joel is 56). HBO Characters. Mostly cannon compliant for show & game. Timeline is changed.

Chapter Warnings: Grief, depression, sadness,

Notes: huge shout out to my beta readers @fhatbhabie and @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin I love you both so much! and I appreciate the time you've taken to help me with this story.

Words: 2711

Series Masterlist | Author Masterlist | Playlist

Two Months Later 

It wakes up with you, the heavy weight that dulls your senses making you feel removed from the world. The bed feels colder, and emptier, like you’re staring into a void. You miss Gabe and his warm smile waking you up. You miss the laughter ever present in his eyes. 

Your hand reaches out, fingers spreading over the pillow, his scent long gone. You sigh, eyes closing with the few tears that escape. You pull the covers up, tucking it under your chin. The grief washes over you. 

Your bedroom door clicks open. There is a soft patter of little feet on hardwood. Carter’s small hands clutch the sheets as he pulls himself up, slipping into the vacant space. Warm palms touch your cheeks. You open your eyes to be greeted by the same eyes you miss. Only, they’re smaller. 

“Morning, Mommy!” He smacks a wet kiss on your cheek. 

“Good morning, Baby Boy,” A smile reaches your lips. Your arms wrap around his small frame, pulling him into your arms. You pepper his face with kisses as he giggles, covering his eyes with his hands. “Did you sleep well?”

Carter nods, snuggling further into you. He provides you with a warmth your body can’t seem to produce and the July morning doesn’t chase away. You inhale deeply as the grief settles in again. Double this time, as Carter’s namesake floats through your brain. You know the date well. The birthday of both your brothers. Blake and Carter. The day you spend thinking about Carter. His lifeless body flashes before your eyes. The day you were left alone in the world. 

It’s the day you spend wondering if Blake might still be out there, and your parents. Most of the time, you accept that they’re all gone. Today is the exception. It got harder when Tommy showed up. It gave you hope for maybe. 

“I think we’re gonna stay in bed for a little bit. How does that sound?” 

He doesn’t respond, but you don’t expect him to. He’s content in your arms. You don’t have to go to the clinic today. You won’t. They’ll come get you if you’re needed so the two of you stay snuggled under the covers late into the afternoon. 

Joel’s voice pulls you out of your hazy nap. Your limbs feel warm and stiff in a good way. Carter shifts beside you, sweat plastering his hair to his forehead as it always does when he sleeps. Your eyes blink open, Joel’s solid frame slowly coming into focus as he leans against the door frame. 

“Hey…” Your limbs extend as you stretch your muscles. 

He smiled softly, drawing to the edge of the bed. “You weren’t at the clinic. I was worried something happened.”

“We just needed a day in bed.” Your hand brushes over Carter’s head. 

The mattress dips with Joel’s weight. He smiles at Carter’s sleeping form. “Everything okay?” He notes your puffy eyes, red from your previous tears. 

You’re tempted to shrug it off and keep the information to yourself, but this is Joel. You’re working on opening yourself up to him. 

“It’s Blake and Carter’s birthday today. It just makes me think about my family.”

Joel nods, hand running up and down your covered calf. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

You pull yourself into a seated position. Joel smiles, running a hand over your cheek where tears had run hours earlier, though it felt like they’d hardly stopped. “I must look like a mess.” 

You wipe your nose with the back of your hand. The heaviness still rests on your shoulders, but some of the weight has lifted. It doesn’t feel as close as it did this morning. 

“Maybe just a little bit,” Joel chuckles, holding up a small space between his thumb and pointer finger. You smack his bicep. 

“Rude.” but a smile pushes its way onto your face. 

His deep chuckle fills the room. “I’d like to stay if that’s okay. Maybe make you dinner?” 

You nod. “I’d like that.”

He kisses your forehead softly, thumb caressing your cheek. The afternoon sun pours through your bedroom window flickering off floating dust particles. Carter’s head is heavy in your lap. You know he’s going to stay up all night. You have no idea how he’s stayed in bed with you all day. 

“Good.” He hums.

Your stomach rumbles, loud enough for Joel to hear. He tilts his head your way. Carter shoots up, looking at you through narrow eyes. “Hungry Mommy.”

“We might need to eat dinner at 3 pm.”

Joel chuckles. “I can make that happen.” He eases off the bed. Carter follows his lead stringing sounds together in the process. You get the impression he would like to help. “I agree, bud. Mom could definitely use a shower.” 

You scowl. 

“And her teeth brushed.” 

You cross your arms in protest but the body odor fills your nostrils. Crinkling your nose, you try to ignore it, but can’t. “That’s not very flattering of you.”

“No- but it’s honest.” Joel winks. “You take a shower. You’ll feel better, and Carter and I will make food.”

Carter nods, crossing his arms over his chest. You can’t help but giggle at your toddler. “Okay, okay.” You throw your hands up, and another wave of body odor. “But I expect dinner to be on the table when I’m done.”

“Aye, aye.” Joel salutes you. Carter copies, making you laugh more. 

The two of them leave you to prepare a meal. Your stomach growls again as you pull yourself out of bed. 

Once you’re in the shower, the tears spill again, mingling with the scalding water of your shower. It’s one of those days when you wonder, why you? Why did you get to live? Why did you have to lose so many people? Blake, Gabe, Carter, your parents, their faces all flash in your minds, some more blurry than others. There are more faces and names still. The people you’ve lost since the outbreak, the people you couldn’t save. The weight compounds, threatening to break you, yet you’re still here. You’re still standing. 

 Eventually, the hot water dries up and so do the tears. 

Joel is right. The shower helps. Despite the bloodshot eyes staring back at you in the mirror, you feel like a new person, your body scrubbed clean from all the sweat and tears. Steam still drifts through the bathroom as you pull on your clean clothes. Your breath smells like mint and your skin like lavender. 

Dinner is almost ready when you make your way downstairs, but the warm smells drift through your home. Ellie’s voice joins Joel and Carter’s as Carter shows Ellie where to find the correct dishes. It pulls a tired smile to your lips. She comes and goes these past few months, not sure where she belongs as you and Joel settle into whatever you are. You always make space at your table for her. 

“Looks like I should’ve taken longer.” You tease. 

Joel smiles, handing you a cup of water. It’s cool on your tongue, feeding your dehydrated body. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” 

You refill the cup, taking your time with the second glass. 

“Nurse Lady,” Ellie says. “I’ve got a question for you.”

“She’s got a name,” Joel glances Ellie’s way.

She looks at you with an eyebrow raised. You shake your head, winking at her. “Hopefully I’ve got an answer for you,” Joel mutters under his breath. “What’s up?”

“I was wondering…” Ellie chews on her lip, her frame showing less confidence than it did seconds ago. “Do you think- Never mind.” She shakes her head. “Forget I said anything.”

You tilt your head to the side. “Well hold on. Now you’ve got my curiosity piqued. What is it?”

Ellie’s eyes dart from you to Joel, back to you, and then to the floorboards. Her boot scuffs at the hardwood. 

“Ellie,” Joel says. 

She sighs. “I know you don’t have a lot of equipment or anything, but…” She stops for a second, seeming to weigh the words in her head. “But I was wondering if you could look at my blood. Just to see if you can find anything in it.”

“Ellie… I-” You say.

“I know it’s a long shot.”

You search for the right words. There are none. There wasn’t a cure for fungus before- and even if there were- you didn’t have the tools or even the abilities, but she looks at you with so much hope and need. 

“The fireflies said there wasn’t a cure,” Joel says, shortly. “And they had a bunch more resources than Jackson.”

“I know but-”

“There’s no cure, Ellie. Let it be.” Joel snaps. 

Ellie looks at you, her stubborn streak kicking in even as the hope in her eyes dwindles. You can’t tell her no. You won’t give her false hope, but you won’t tell her no. 

“Look…” You glance at Joel and then back to her. “There was no cure for this kind of infection before. I don’t have the tools or the knowledge or training or any of the shit you need to create any kind of cure.” Ellie’s shoulders fall as she waits for the inevitable. “But if you come to the clinic tomorrow- I’ll take some blood.”

“Really?” A spark returns to her eyes. You feel Joel’s mood shift behind you, gathering the impression that he is not a fan of this idea. 

“Yes, but please don’t expect anything. Okay? About all I can do is look at it under the microscope.”

Ellie nods, but you see the excitement growing in her small frame despite your warning. 

“Dinner’s ready,” Joel says, pulling a pan off the stove. 

You look at him, but he’s focused on transferring the food to a serving bowl.  Deep lines set in his forehead. You don’t even have to ask to know that he doesn’t like this. You just hope it won’t hurt Ellie more when it doesn’t work out.  

Joel loosens up throughout your early dinner, and by the time you finish up, he’s laughing. You feel warm and fuzzy like you’re riding a nice buzz. It’s a welcome change from this morning and the weight this day carries. In some ways, it reminds you of the family dinners growing up as you celebrated your twin brothers’ birthday, laughter and smiles filling the room until it spills into the outdoors. 

Eventually, Carter pulls Ellie off to his room, blabbering on about cars and space. Their playing echoes off the wall of your home as you help Joel with the dishes. It’s a welcome change. It reminds you of all your stolen plans. Two kids- three if biology would allow it- and a house so contagious with love and laughter it infected the whole street. The old dream is like a siren's call lulling you out further and further in until you drown. Oddly enough, you don’t care. The slight spike in your anxiety is quickly overridden by Joel’s easy presence. 

He hands you another dish to dry. “You gonna tell me why you’re upset I agreed to look at Ellie’s blood?”

“I’m not upset.” Joel bristles slightly, but you keep your eyes trained on him. You know he’ll tell you. He cares too much about Ellie not to. “Don’t want to get her hopes up is all.”

“Bull shit.”

He sighs, rinsing another plate before handing it to you. “You didn’t have to tell her last time it didn’t work.” He pauses. He won’t meet your eyes as he shifts from foot. You feel like he’s withholding something, trying to decide what he should tell you. “She looked like there wasn't a reason for her to be here anymore. She’s been off since we got back because of it, and you just ignited that spark again.”

“And what if it works, Joel?” You don’t believe it will, not for a second, but Joel’s attitude makes you defensive.

“And when I have to deal with the fallout again?”

“I set beyond reasonable expectations.”

“And she brushed them aside.” Joel’s words start to rise in volume. 

You match it. “She said It herself. She knows it’s a long shot.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“What’s this really about? This feels like a lot more than protectiveness.” You cross your arms. 

Joel sighs, rubbing his temples with sudsy hands. “I don’t remember you being this stubborn 20 years ago.”

The words set off a wildfire inside you. Heat spreads inside your chest, eyes growing wide with rage. “A lot changes in 20 years.” You throw the dish towel down. It smacks against the counter with a solid thwack.  

You storm out of the house, seeking the calming effects of the outdoors. The ups and downs of the day hit you like a semi-truck. Your knees buckle, sending you to the stairs. You don’t feel like crying, but you sit there with your head in your hands, reeling. 

You’re not sure what exactly about Joel’s words set you off. The expectation of being the same person you were before the world ended? Or the disregard for everything you’d been through in the past two decades? Or maybe it was the fact that it was just an asshole thing to say. 

After a few minutes, when your heart rate returns to normal and the angry heat has begun to seep out of your body, Joel eases next to you. You keep your eyes pinned straight ahead. 

Neither of you speak. A breeze sneaks around you, raising goosebumps. A couple of kids play in the street a few houses down. A bird chirps, hopping across the ground in search of grubs. It chirps and flits up to its nest where you know 3 baby birds lay. 

Joel inhales deeply, rubbing his hands together. “I’m sorry… for what I said.”

“I can’t live with expectations of being who I was 20 years ago, Joel.”

“I know, and that’s not fair of me.”

You nod, unsure of your next words. You’re going to forgive him, you already know that. His warm hand settles over your knee. He squeezes it softly and you can’t help but lean into him a little bit more. “I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

Joel stiffens a little bit. He tries to hide it, but you’re starting to pick up on his mannerisms again. They’ve hardly changed in 20 years. 

You place a hand over his. “You don’t have to tell me what it is if you don’t want to.” You finally look at him, gathering his strong profile. 

His Adam's apple bobs slowly. He’s told you a lot these past couple of months as you lay in bed. Sometimes, you stayed quiet as he talked about what he did to survive, and things inside the QZ, sometimes you joined in, but you know there’s more to his story. There’s more to your own story. 

“One day.” He says. “Not now.”

It’s enough for now. It’s more than enough really. He’s already further than you thought you would let someone in again. 

“Okay.” 

He leans over, placing a kiss on your forehead. “Wanna go for a walk?”

You shake your head. “Not tonight.” 

He furrows his brow. You stand up, holding your hand out. Taking it, he rises to his feet following you back inside. Bare feet pad against the hardwood floor. Ellie and Carter’s conversation drifts down the stairs filling you with a sense of comfort you’ve never felt before. You turn on the old record player and a warped copy of Rumours, skipping to the second track. It was one of the few things you brought with you from your grandparent’s house when you moved into this pocket of remaining civilization. The volume is up just enough to set the atmosphere. 

Joel sits on your couch and you ease beside him, feet tucked under you with your head on his shoulder. His fingers brush along your shoulder. The grief you woke up with still lingers. Between the low hum of Dreams, Ellie and Carter’s faint noise, and Joel’s breathing, your eyes droop. For the first time next to Joel, slumber calls your name, and you answer. 

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #the last of us #tlou #pedro pascal #joel miller fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #woman (joel miller) #woman (joel’s version) #pedro stories #pedrostories #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x f!reader #hbo tlou #pedro boys #pedro pascal fanfiction

[the-incident-on-show-day]

if they hadn’t ended up in the band, what do you think the boys would have done with their lives? like job wise

OOOOOOH THIS IS SO JUICY!!!!! thanks for the ask!!

it's hard to imagine rowan doing anything other than music... it's such a big passion of his. i could see him working with bigger stars by ghost writing songs/mixing and mastering their tracks. or becoming a video game sound designer, cause we know how much he loves video games!! if i had to pick something completely unrelated to music, i'd say fashion designer- he'd be influential but not rich, bc he'd sell his outfits for outrageously cheap prices (what with the high quality fabrics he uses) and most of the proceeds would go to charity. he could even have his own show, like project runway or smth… or at the very least least guest star on rupaul's drag race.

jimmy is tough. like i honestly have no idea. some kind of social worker maybe?? a therapist or psychologist?? maybe he'd work in a gender-affirming care clinic. ooh or a nursing home!! he seems patient enough to work in the social field, and i know i'd want someone like jimmy taking care of my elder relatives when they can't do it themselves. i also googled 'jobs where you don't have to talk to people' and a lot of tech stuff came up, so there's that too *shrug emoji*

as for lister.... i could see him becoming a twitch streamer?? idk he's definitely not a school type of guy, and i couldn't see him getting into the workforce (aside from like. minimum wage fast food jobs & shit.), but he's funny enough, attractive enough, and neurodivergent enough that he would definitely amass a cult following. he'd use his platform to advertise his music though- i'm imagining wilbur soot kind of stuff, like some very depressing solo albums, but with some goofier band shenanigans peppered in there!!

#iwbft #jimmy kaga ricci #rowan omondi #lister bird #i was born for this #osemanverse

[smutlord-supreme]

König SFW Headcannons PT.2: The Fangirl Strikes Back

This one was written without adderall, sleep, or sanity so forgive me for any mistake. I wrote most of it before the ball drop last night and I was off my meds and on the weed.

Disclaimer: This one contains alot more subjects concerning war and injuries, nothing crazy. But be conscious.

-Loves swimming and baths to relieve back pain but is often too big for bathtubs. Sometimes he takes a day off just to stay in a hotel with a jacuzzi.

-He had a stutter growing up. But he went to speech therapy and it only come out when he's angry or otherwise stressed. It's incredibly frusterating to him and he will just stop talking if he stutters too much.

-The stripes under his eyes are from a bleach pen. After getting pepper sprayed in the eyes he was left with some streaky orange stains on his mask. He took a bleach pen to it in his haste to get them off. He did cry about ruining his mask for days. Opting for a black baklava until one of his teammates took pity on him and filled it in to make the quintessential 'tears' on his mask. It took the team another 3 days to convince him it looked cool.

-He had really good eyesight before he joined the military, but being an insertion specialist means entering first. Whichever flashbangs, gasses, you name it and it's probably happened. He wears contacts now but at home he has a pair of square frame reading glasses that he hides from everyone.

-The first time he got pepper sprayed was by an American tourist in Austria when he was 15. He tried to return the card she left at a bakery and she thought he was following her. They both apologized profusely after she washed out his eyes and took him to the emergency clinic.

-His first date when he was 17 turned out to be a prank. A girl in his class asked him out and he waited at the shopping center they were supposed to meet at for nearly 2 hours before he left.

-He doesn't talk alot because when his voice was first cracking the kids in class would mock him, which would make him stutter, which would make him cry.

-He was scouted by KorTac after a few years in the military and joined because of the flexibility to choose his own team and no longer work for the government (which didn't always agree with his tactics)

-König came out of his shell after he joined KorTac, making closer bonds with those around him. He's still got anxiety but he's more willing to go out and do things now that he's got freinds to protect him.

-König's favorite Bakery is across the street from his apartment in Berlin. He goes every single day. One time he was sick for a whole week and the Bakery owner nearly broke down his door in worry. (He always tells him when he's going on 'trips')

-Has caught covid twice because he forgets to wear a kn95 mask under his hood.

-Cries alot when he's sick and always calls his grandma for advice (vics vaporub and pastina).

-Quiet anger, except on the battlefield where it becomes explosive.

- Earned the nickname könig by winning a game of king of the hill during basic.

-Before that they just called him 'biest' and he hated it.

-Honestly really likes anime. Especially escapism anime like isekai.

-Has a surprisingly low alcohol tolerance, not due to inexperience or anything, he's just not a huge drinker.

-Mostly drinks water but one time he visited Georgia in the USA and got hooked on American sweet tea.

-Takes Sertraline for depression and anxiety

-A little too willing to sacrifice himself for others. Don't worry he's in mandated therapy.

-Feels very guilty if anyone else gets hurt

-Has broken his nose 3 times and his leg once when he was 5.

-Surprisingly sneaky

-Loves romcoms and pretends he doesn't cry every time.

-Doesnt cover his face outside of work because it gets claustrophobic.

-Very clumsy and not at all gentle no matter how hard he tries

-Early riser

-Played DnD once. He was a Gnome Cleric named Samara the wise.

-Secretly still wishes when he blows out birthday candles

-Chews on the backs of pens when he's not paying attention

-CANNOT hide his facial expressions

-Spaces out alot and ends up staring at people, making them uncomfortable

-Not a fan of needles but makes sure he gets all of his shots so he doesn't make his grandmother ill.

-Sees himself as a monster who's undeserving of love

-Knows he's done alot of bad things and thinks all he's good for now is killing. That he's ruined for the rest of the world

-Wants to start a family but is scared he'll be a horrible father

-He will end up either adopting or having kids. They will be well rounded and raised with kindness. I'm thinking 2 girls.

-Alergic to peanuts and latex.

-Has claustrophobia, and is, surprisingly, afraid of heights.

Thanks for reading everyone ❤️ Hapy new year!

#könig #cod #könig headcanons #konig mw2 #call of duty mw2

[demonsplendor]

A & A pt 3

Word count: 16.1k GN reader x male demon

nsft-ish! Nothing really outright happens but some escalated feelings

also cw food & eating ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

You’re relieved to find out that you slept the whole night through when you wake up the following day, sunlight aggressively beaming through the window. Asteroth is gone, the blanket folded over on the corner empty where he was the night before. You smooth out the sheet and roll over onto that side of the bed, placing your face into the depression that his own head had left in the pillow. You close your eyes and can feel the same fluttering feeling you felt last night. You bundle yourself tightly into the blanket one last time before stretching and getting up. 

You walk down the hallway and can smell cooking, rounding the corner into the kitchen you see Asteroth over the stove handling a skillet. He is not turned towards you but you experience the chill for the first time today, the chill you felt when suddenly seeing his face permanently fixed in your direction, his cavernous face, rows upon rows of teeth, and unilluminated black pitches for eyes that seemed to hover and consume any light that’s nearby. 

You also felt immense affection and warmth towards him, not in spite of but rather partly because of, and you hoped that he could see that too. 

“Good morning Asteroth.” 

“Mmm, not quite. Good afternoon.” 

“What time is it?” “It’s 4pm.” “It’s FOUR in the afternoon?!"

He sets the spoon down onto the pan and turns towards you, stretching out his arm. 

“We did go to sleep really late last night, and it was a long day.” 

You take his hand and he draws you into a hug, repeating back to you, “Good morning.” 

You can’t help but laugh and squeeze him before parting, “I can accept that it’s the afternoon, I’m just surprised. I never sleep in.” “Really?” He turns back to the pan, filled with peppers and onions. You press half of your body into his back, craning your neck to lean your head against his arm. He doesn’t seem deterred or distracted, the two of you silently stand together while you watch him occasionally turn over the vegetables. You feel a yawn sneak up and quickly turn your head away to yawn into his back before moving back to hover near while pacing idly around the kitchen. 

“Really, I think the longest I’ve slept in, in a few years at least, is like… 10am.”

“10am is ‘sleeping in’ to you?” 

You hadn’t heard him sound in disbelief before and it makes you laugh, it comes from within so deeply it takes a yawn out with it. 

“I really like sleeping in. Waking up around this time is… not unfamiliar to me.” 

“You did tell me you have a hard time sleeping. Which, did you sleep okay last night?” 

You wanted to know if being so close to you was a hindrance to sleep, and what you really wanted to know is if you could sleep near each other like that again. You felt surprised by yourself for not only accepting that feeling but for not feeling so much agony over it. Regardless of whatever page either of you were on, and whether or not it was the same one, it was clear that the both of you leaned on using affection to communicate a lot of the things you failed to find words for. 

“I did. I fell asleep a little after you did and I only woke up about an hour ago.” 

You feel your face stretch into an expression you desperately try to push away but you’re never good at letting a hand go unseen. You think that you’re out of view enough but he turns around, causing you to jump as though you’ve just been caught rifling through someone’s things while still having the dopey expression plastered to your face. Asteroth laughs and you can feel it’s at you but it does not feel unkind. He turns back around and shifts the tone towards matters more grounded to reality.

“Do you have a phone? Are there people at home or otherwise who might be wondering where you are?” 

It sounds so clinical or suspicious, your face twists in a way but only holds in place when you start to wonder how much time has passed. 

“How long has it been?” 

He points towards a calendar on the wall, “For me, three days. So all of yesterday and then two days in the shadow.” 

You walk up to the calendar and see it has a whole itinerary on it. “Groceries”, “lawn”, “sprint”, “deadline”, with one day, three days ago, scribbled hard over. “What was on this day?” He takes a moment before answering. “It was like that when I looked at it an hour ago. I don’t remember what happened three days ago.”

Now that you think about it, you don’t remember what happened three days ago but more alarmingly, you also don’t really remember some days before it either. 

“I don’t have a phone on me, I also don’t have anyone who would be looking for me either.” 

You shrink immediately after saying it. You hadn’t meant for it to come out sounding so lonely, you turn around to try to save face but you don’t have anything else to say about it. You cross your arms and without really paying attention you watch him cook. He moves the vegetables from the pan onto a plate and into the oven before he goes into the fridge to take out a carton of eggs. “Did you have a phone in the shadow, Aster?” “No. I don’t know where my phone is. I only have my work phone.” 

He’s cracking eggs into a dish and whisking them with a fork. You’re trying so hard to climb into the recesses of your mind, to remember anything about the days preceding today and yesterday. It’s as though you’re minutes behind, his words landing on you like a rocket onto the moon.

“Wait. Did you just say your work phone?” 

He makes a noise that sounds growled and exasperated. If he had visible facial expressions, you’re all but certain he’s grimaced.

You bounce over, back and forth between the calendar and the stove. You look like a bumble bee having second thoughts about landing on a flower.

“It’s the next morning,” you cross your arms and wag a finger, “no… actually… my discerning friend,” you gesture widely towards him and emphasize your eyebrows raised, “just told me it’s past the morning. I think questions are allowed again.”

He’s pouring the eggs into the pan and makes a quiet noise that sounds like a creaking ship and the bellows of latent laughter. “Hmm. Sorry, only in the mornings. We are past today’s question block.” 

“Asteroth!”

“I’m teasing,” he scrapes the bottom edge of the pan and lifts it up to swirl a part of the remaining egg mixture underneath, “yes I have a work phone.” 

“What do you do?”

Everything out of him is like coaxing syrup from the bottle while it’s cold inside. They’re simple answers to simple questions but he greatly deliberates on them. 

“I’m a programmer.”

“A programmer!” 

Your eyes are wide, you turn to the calendar and tap on one date, repeating out loud, “deadline,” and then you tap on another more emphatically and repeat out loud, “SPRINT! Of course you are! That’s why this is here!” “Why do you know what that word means?” 

He doesn’t sound rude, only inquisitive, but the wording of it strikes you in a funny way.

“Oh, well, I’m a programmer too,” he wordlessly looks over at you and you laugh, “I’m not a programmer. I watch tv. Also I used to work in a job that would interact with programmers sometimes.” “What was that?” “Sales. It was remote but sometimes I’d go into a satellite office, pretty good pay.” “What happened?” “I was let go. Layoffs.” 

You were partially lying, that much was clear to Asteroth, but he could not tell which part and he left you with enough dignity by not asking. 

“When was that?” “A couple weeks ago.” 

It hangs on you both for a while as realization of sorts sets in about what events took place before the shadow. You hadn’t been able to remember a few days ago, and you at least knew that you didn’t have any current obligations, but it had slipped your mind entirely that you lost your job just over two weeks ago. Asteroth has yet to explain anything really meaningful about anything regarding the “supernatural forces”; the shadow, him, demons, why he found it alarming that your car was where it was with the keys in, why his house key that he definitely remembers not putting back was outside. 

You have gathered just enough context clues, meaning mostly his severe silence, to know when something must be a part of the same chain of concern: remembering, revealing, that you had lost your job just two weeks prior was now one of them.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” 

“It’s okay, I’ll find another job soon. But… your job… the one you have-”

“Is also remote.”

There’s a tone when he says it, like this is the last word on the matter, but you are nothing if not an endless well of questions. 

You speak slowly, as though you’re tip-toeing, “This job is with other…?” “No. No demons. All humans.”

“Do they-” “No.”

It flares out of him but he evens out enough to say, “They do not know.” 

You don’t say anything even though it’s clear you have something else to ask on the tip of your tongue. You watch as he folds the egg over onto itself into a neat little roll, the outside light and smooth without any browning. 

You are amazed by the technical skill, “Is that an omelette?”

“Yes.” 

He always sounds matter-of-factly but he sounds sort of curt when he answers just now.

 You move to stand next to him and watch what he’s doing, “How do you get it to not stick? Or to not get burned?”

“Practice.” 

You eye him and though he does not visibly turn towards you, you’re all but certain he must have eyed you as well. 

He reaches over and shakes your arm gently, “I’m not upset at you.” “Are you saying that for me or for you?” The heat gets turned off and the pan moves off of the burner. When he makes a mumbled sound and goes to release your arm, you grab his hand. You lean on the counter next to the stove and with both of your hands, press your thumbs into his palm before fanning out your fingers across the top of his hand. In a smoothing motion you flip the orientation of your hands, your fingers and palm lightly cupping the underside of his hand with your thumbs firmly held on top. Only when you feel him wiggle his fingers, receptive once more, do you look up at him. He’s turned towards now but not leaning or propped, you have to really crane your neck to see him staring straight at you.

He says nothing and it makes the entire room feel quiet and heavy. You hadn’t felt the hum in your skull since yesterday but standing face to face with him made your ears ring and it replaced all of the quiet. It’s truly disorienting; you often feel startled by him when you see him unexpectedly but you increasingly felt comfortable looking at him, you liked looking at him. This, though… The sensation was nearly unbearable when you focused hard on him and it magnified the strange interference-like feeling in your brain. 

He breaks first, unclear to you if it’s because he can tell how dizzy you feel or because he feels discomfort from the exercise as well.

“Are you hungry?” 

You were hungry, but you were also now feeling sort of nervous. You felt like you didn’t have good footing. You smiled and nodded but weren’t confident while doing so, it made you worried that you looked like you were only being agreeable out of duress. 

Although at this point he had at least done so once on his own, you moved his hand to place it against your cheek. You didn’t straighten up before doing so, the height differential causing him to be yanked forward, his body nearly lumbering over you now with his arm braced against the counter next to yours. You feel his thumb tighten into your hand while it’s against your cheek and you hear a rich rumble lurch out of his chest. 

“I’ve heard that a few times,” you begin to ask cautiously, “what does it mean?” 

“Ugh…” 

You see his hand on the counter shift a little bit, his whole body does, and he looks as though he’s betrayed himself when you hear another rumble. “Can’t you tell?” 

You feel wicked when you grin against his hand. For once, you get to play the role of anchor.  “Humor me.” 

He toils with it, shifting from one foot to the other. He never tries to pull away from you but short of your hands being held and against your cheek it almost feels like he’s not there. It really surprises you then when he bends down lower, both of your arms on the counter now touching, and nearly face to face. It makes your own heart feel like it’s pounding against your chest, you’re aware that you’re breathing quicker through your nose, your eyes wide. You’re not scared but you don’t understand what it is you’re feeling. You feel goosebumps when you hear the rumbling, this time they nearly seemed to reverberate through you. 

His face didn’t seem to be the source of his voice but being so close you could feel the air escape out of somewhere unseen when he tells you, “I’m overwhelmed. No, I guess it’s more like, that I’m overcome with an emotion I don’t understand.” He lets go of your hand without pulling away entirely and brushes his thumb along your cheek, setting it under your chin. 

You feel your face heat up so much you can feel it in your ears and hands. Your whole body feels like pins and needles; when you upturn your head, you visibly shudder when you feel his hand move to the side of your neck. He has the hold on the situation now but you can feel his fingers trembling. You feel so overwhelmed that all you can do is laugh, you laugh loud and boisterous. It breaks the tension but has the high likelihood of hurting his feelings, Asteroth already looking like he’s on the verge of backing away. 

You shake your head, “No!” 

You grab his hand and rub your face into it, “No, no, no. I’m sorry for laughing like that. I’m not laughing at you.” 

He stays where he is and lets you grab his other hand, placing them both on the sides of your face. You lead them to stroke your cheeks, the edge of your jaw, but return to laughter when you drag them down the sides of your neck. You can feel his hands act on their own, fingertips skimming along the nape of your neck, another sound thundering out of his chest. It’s as though you experienced a chill, your entire body bubbling over like an overboiled pot of water, you shake your arms but keep your hands pressed flat against his. 

You’re shaking your head and laughing again, “I’m just overwhelmed too.” 

He suddenly draws you into a hug, pressed tightly together. You can feel him shake his head, small chuckles bubbling out of him until the two of you settle into a quiet.

“Hmm. Okay, so the omelette…” 

You quickly look up at him, your face scrunching up; the sudden change in topic jarring. 

He continues on, “Needs moderate, even heat, and a decent pad of butter.” 

You’re not sure if it’s just nerves making you feel on edge but your eyes get a little misty. Even though you liked it, you think that both of you did, there was such a dramatic sense of tension that seemed to have only been challenged but not actually resolved. You didn’t feel like you were in a bad place, surely you’d have to have felt the opposite, but the way he calmed himself down by holding onto you and explaining something completely unprompted was so tender that it nearly hurt your feelings. 

You feel his breathing start to return to normal as yours begins to draw ragged, he rubs your back and muses more about the omelette, “Normally you’d use a high heat to make the outside cook quickly but sometimes the inside is still so loose and I think kind of unpleasant.” 

You bubble into a wet cry, blinking as it surprises you just as much as him. He presses against you, encouraging you to tell him what’s wrong. 

“I don’t know how to cook.” 

It’s the truth, you don’t really know how to cook, but it’s not what you meant to say. 

You feel like you’ve given up something that is equal parts inadequate and incriminating, it causes you to laugh at yourself but tears only stream harder down your face. You were exhausted yesterday when you had tears mixed up with laughter; Asteroth recognized this and thought that it was altogether only something that might happen whenever something was wrong. He sees a little bit better that you often get overwhelmed and unable to properly sort your emotions. You press your face into his chest and he laughs. You thought he had already collected himself but you can feel all remaining tension leave him when he does. 

“It’s okay, I do. I’ll cook for you and can show you how to, too, if you’d like.” 

**

“You don’t want to eat?”

“I already have.”

“You don’t want to sit?”

He hesitates before telling you, “No, I don’t want to today.” 

You don’t press on, you don’t remark or ask anything additional, but you do linger before looking away. 

“I gather you’re squeamish. I don’t want to make you feel badly while eating.” 

You had just had a close moment with him minutes ago, but he was not wrong at all that you were easily deterred from food. Your face melds into one of abject defeat, you want to argue and you’ve also felt like you’ve let him down since he’s right. 

“I want to try, if you would, but not today, okay?” 

The uncertainty would make you want to bristle, you hate when things are punctuated with an unknown, but you feel compelled to ask what you hadn’t been able to last night.

“Will I see you afterwards?”

“Yes, I will be here.”  He sounds humored and calm, any of the venom left in his previous answers now dried up.

You really want to protest more but you’re content enough by the reassurance. 

“Thank you for making me breakfast.”

“You’re welcome, just put your plate in the sink and I’ll get it later.” 

Asteroth leaves the kitchen and leaves you to your plate while you sit in a different spot from the one you sat at last night. He warned you that the omelette was all but certainly no longer warm, and he sounded disappointed in himself when he explained that he’d normally make potatoes to go with peppers, but he’s operating with what he has left in his fridge before getting more groceries. Neither of these things bothered you; the time that elapsed from the omelette finishing to now was entirely your fault, and you liked the peppers in breakfast hash on their own too. 

You were just impressed that Asteroth could cook and that he chose to cook for you. He may have added a “chef’s comment” on future improvements but he didn’t trip over his own feet about serving someone a dish like you would have. Be it, you didn’t know how to cook, but you imagined if you were trying to cook a dish for someone you’d for one be in utter disarray by having them watch. When it inevitably goes wrong, and they’re there to witness it – no – they are now having to get involved to help fix it, it just would never be anything pleasant for anyone. 

You’re grateful he’s not here only because you don’t want him to see how easy it is for you to lose your appetite and to lose a battle of wits against yourself. You focused so hard on the imaginary spiral it makes the idea of snapping out of it and eating almost impossible. You get up to get a glass of water, feeling like you need to shuffle inordinately fast to the cupboard, fridge, and back because what if Asteroth returns and sees you haven’t moved your fork. This new picture starts to bleed into your previous one but now that you’ve sat down again you feel reenergized and a bit more clear of mind. 

The omelette was no longer warm but it didn’t take away from the pleasant mouthfeel, you had never eaten one like this before. You had only ever eaten a diner style omelette, one where the egg is tough and rubbery on the outside while unbearably soggy on the inside from filling. On your second bite, an “Mmm!” careens out of you, you don’t understand how a whisked egg could taste and feel rich or decadent on its own. 

You bite into a forkful of pepper and onion, the outside having a nice crust and saltiness and the integrity of the vegetable still intact. They’re not soggy at all, they’re cooked perfectly and you can taste the sweetness within both. You slice a piece of omelette and skewer it along with a piece of pepper and onion both – “mmmmmmm,” slips out again – the vegetables are still pretty hot so feeling the steam and crispness along with the buttery egg is so unbelievably pleasant. The egg is not tough at all, it’s also not wet, it’s not unpleasant, it boggles your mind. Maybe you just haven’t tried enough foods out of your comfort zone, but you’re not sure where you’d have seen this kind of omelette before, and you know that you’ve tried enough vegetables to know that these were really good. 

You finished your plate feeling the very delicate balance of satisfied, but not uncomfortably full, and a little sad that it’s gone. You put the plate in the sink and run the water a little bit over it, again seeing that there’s already a plate before yours, but not the 2 from last night. You intended to leave the kitchen but you saw the plate of peppers now sitting on the stove, calling to you. The way you grab one looks like you’ve just grabbed a worm, popping it into your mouth. You do it again with another, another, another, until you hear Asteroth come in. You knock your knee into the oven door and drop the pepper you were about to unceremoniously drop into your mouth onto the ground instead. 

“Oh my god. I’m sorry.” 

You get the kind of giggles that happen when you feel like you’re caught in the act of a non-severe crime. It almost felt worse to you though because as a product of your own mind, the problem could easily balloon, and imagining how you must look crouched down to pick up the limp pepper to throw away makes you feel so dreadful. 

“Are you just eating the peppers from the pan?”

Your eyes well up, you’re laughing some sort of wild pitch while washing your hands after throwing it away. 

“You’re not in trouble, I do it too.” 

You’re not ready to look at him, but you turn the sink off and nod while you shake your hands off. “Yes, they’re really good. I put my plate away but then I saw them on the stove… I’m sorry.”

A towel materializes in front of your eyes, “You don’t have to be sorry.”

You take the towel and turn around to see Asteroth standing near, he takes a step back when you do to give some space. He’s changed his clothes, wearing similar to what he had on after the shadow but clean and well-fitting. He is unquestionably strong but his body is still soft too; the t-shirt was very flattering as it showed how broad and round he was. His deep-red arms were visibly muscular but not lithe, they were plush and you could see them both jiggle and flex when he moved them.

You feel aware of ogling and blurt out, “You look nice.” 

You feel your face burn again, the discomfort forces you to smirk but you hoped he didn’t think you were insincere.

“Haha. I just changed out of pajamas. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I have anything other than what you’re wearing for you to change into.” 

You let the sleeves dangle over your hands and when you twist your body you make the bottom of the sweatshirt look as though you’re twirling an umbrella. 

“I don’t mind, I’m really comfortable in them. I should go to my apartment as some point though and,” 

You had a complete thought, you wanted to check that nothing seemed out of place. You wanted to get a change of clothes and you wanted to return back to here. Your brow furrows, you’re getting ahead of yourself. 

You stop mid-sentence and leave it there, you leave Asteroth only with seeing your expression as you deliberated an entire conversation within your head. 

“Talk to me.”

He beckons your attention back towards him but you’re still not sure what to say. 

“When do you go back to work? If I leave… can I come back? Can we sit down?” 

It rattles out of you suddenly like a turned over coin purse.

You exhale slowly and make the kind of expression when you’re matching eyes with a stranger who has also just witnessed something bizarre, but that something is you. 

“Please come back to me, first of all.” 

He says it so effortlessly, no pause at all, no discernible difference in body language or verbal expression. It makes you feel grounded and calm, but unnerved in some distant way too. 

“Secondly, yes let’s sit down.”

Your eyes dart towards the kitchen table and you look back at him. He moves first, sitting where you had sat this morning. You sit across from him, feeling like you were positioned stiffened and unnaturally.

You sound all too eager when you ask, “Is that where you normally sit?”

“No,” there’s a playful edge, “I sat here because I saw that you sat here.”

Your eyes almost bulge out of your head, did he watch you eat?

“How do you know that?”

“Your chair was still sticking out.”

“Oh.”

It seemed really obvious now that he said it. 

“I normally sit where you are seated.”

“Oh.”

You have provided such a rapid fire of expressions he laughs largely, you can see his shoulders shake. 

“I promise I will try to sit at the table with you. Your curiosity seems boundless.” 

He stretches his arms across the table with his hands upturned. You’re pretty sure he didn’t intend to sound patronizing, so when you feel a little rubbed the wrong way, you return a playful smile and place your hands into his. 

Having your arms in this configuration feels oddly intimate, and also sort of paranatural, as though you would soon be attempting to summon spirits from the afterlife. There is something to the fact that the reality of the situation would have sounded more unreal than that a few months ago, that you were trading familiarities with a demon. 

You break the silence first, your voice sounding hushed a moment before returning to normal, “Is your work okay?”

“Yes. I said I had an emergency, arguably not a lie. I said I couldn’t work today either but I’d be back tomorrow.”

“Any pushback?”

“No. I never call in. I’ve never just vanished either, so it weighs heavy on me but I don’t think they’re suspicious.” 

“Do you only correspond through messages?”

“No.” 

He idly rubs his thumb in your fingers, mulling over what to say next or maybe trying to cool down before another flare up of his own. 

“We talk verbally too. They just never see me.”

You feel a chill but you fight off engaging with the thought that just popped into your mind. 

“Well,”

You try your hand at diverting the attention elsewhere; succeeding as he straightens up and refocuses towards you. 

“I could check on my apartment while you’re at work. I can change my clothes,” he nods, “get an additional change of clothes or two,” he nods again and you feel a little dizzy. 

“Then, you can come back.” 

He punctuated it by tugging on your hands, yanking your arms forward a bit. It feels cartoonish, as though your arms are the rope in tug-o-war and it makes you laugh, but he seems completely serious when he puts your hands back where they were. 

“If you’d like to. It doesn’t even have to be either you do or don’t, you can come back an hour later or multiple days later.”

You do want to, you want to come back as soon as possible, but you feel too awkward to say so. Luckily Aster breaks the uncomfortable silence to bring up other logistics. 

He fidgets with your hand and shakes it a bit, “Do you…”

Besides refusing to say something here and there, directly at that too, he was extremely forthcoming but seemed to have trouble getting this thought out. 

You are so surprised when he finishes the thought as, “Do you really not have anyone to call?”

Your face crinkles in immediate dejection.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. A neighbor, or something, anyone, to be present when you go to your apartment?”

“Do you think there’s a chance my apartment will have another strange happenstance? Like with my car and your house key?” 

“At least a small one.”

You sit on this, you don’t really have someone to call. You worked remote for the most part and didn’t bond with any coworker. You had one really good friend but they moved away 6 months ago for work. You knew a handful of other people but for one, you didn’t know them that well, and secondly you didn’t have their phone numbers memorized. If you didn’t have you phone on you now and it wasn’t at your apartment, then you’d probably never hear from them again. You mull it over silently, looking in the direction of, but just past, Asteroth. You didn’t feel alone while being here but sometimes the way the questions he asked made you feel stranger, as though you should be more cautious about how easy it was to be with him. 

“I want to offer trying to go with you, but it would need to be in the evening.”

He doesn’t sound pushy, he sounds mostly trepidatious. 

“No, it’s okay. I know that we ended up getting here safely but I don’t have my wallet. I’m worried I’ll get pulled over, and if I don’t have my drivers license on me when I do then it’ll be more involved.”

You’re not looking at him but it’s not out of any upset, you’re trying to think so hard about what could go wrong if Asteroth went with you, didn’t go with you, or who else you could try. 

“I can try to ask my neighbor. I see his dog roaming around sometimes in the complex and whenever I do I take her back to him. I think he’d do me a solid in return.”

It was settled then but you still felt off kilter. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, I just feel weird. I kind of feel like a loser.” 

You're worried that when you leave he’ll come to his senses and you’re especially worried that you will come back to yours. 

“You’re not a loser. You were in a scary situation that continues to be strange. Even now, you’re in a strange and unfamiliar place with a stranger. I know I haven’t been very receptive to questions about me but you’re allowed to take whatever space and time you need, even while you’re here, no questions asked.” 

He rolls his fingers along your hands before mostly letting go of them, his now limp under yours. 

“I want to be around you.” You grab his hands, urging him to grab yours back. You sound petulant and it makes you feel dizzy again. 

“I do feel so strange right now though. I’m sorry. I want to get up and maybe take another shower.” 

You get up quickly, severing the loop made by your hands makes you feel longing but it also makes you feel a little more clear headed. Whatever thoughts you felt clouding your mind parted and you could breathe easy again. He did not argue or try to stop you, you could only feel his fingers linger so that they could trail yours when you got up. He looks up at you waiting for you to leave or say something but you don’t do either immediately. He was large but still sat shorter than you standing, even with his permanent face fixed in your direction you could tell he was looking up. 

Before leaving the room entirely, you walked behind him. He craned his neck to follow but when you were directly behind him his face could not follow, the field of vision broken in the same way as when he bent down or was entirely turned around. You bent over to hug him, wrapping your arms over his shoulder and chest. He only tried to move his face away from yours, he returned the embrace by reaching up and holding onto your arms, pulling you down tighter against him. You slowly press your face against his neck and you not only hear a rumble tear out of him, you can feel his whole body ripple like electricity. You think about how he said “overcome with an unfamiliar emotion” 

You laugh lightly and quietly, saying muffled against his skin, “Me too. Thank you for being patient with me.” 

He presses his neck more into you. It doubly causes you to feel a chill of your own when you hear that he’s nearly hoarse, “Keep working with me, too. Keep being patient with me.”

**

You feel renewed after taking a shower. While you were in there, you thought about what to look out for, the things you absolutely needed to find, and a backup plan in case they weren’t there. You also tried to give yourself a pass; were you also in the shadow for two days? Could you have been in there longer? On top of yesterday, make no mistake that it was way more pleasant than being in the shadow, but it was an extremely long day regardless. Then, waking up at 4pm… 

It was no wonder you felt strange. 

You felt magnetized to Asteroth but started to recognize that the feeling was starting to get extremely charged too. Before it felt like the perfect solution that you could fall on using touch in lieu of talking. When you had a hold of each other during the shadow and even the beginning parts of yesterday, there were no additional complications to it. 

You’d hold each other’s hands to remain grounded and to help bridge over miscommunications: there were certainly many. Late in the day yesterday, and all day today, everything started to hold additional weight as you’ve both started to see firsthand what barriers you were willing to let down for the other. 

The moment you turn into the kitchen, obstructed by the fridge, he says to you, “Hey, I was thinking, you could wash the clothes you had on yesterday if you’d like.” 

You really didn’t want to waste a load of laundry for just one set of clothes. 

“Is it an eyesore to have me loafing around all day in oversized pajamas?”

There is no edge when you say it, if anything your expression now looks a little mischievous. He chuckles while closing the fridge door, now looking at you. “Not at all. I was just thinking about how it might help set your mind, that’s why I changed my clothes today.”

“I think you’re right but I’ll just wait until tomorrow,” you wiggle your feet, you had pulled up the socks so that the hell was awkwardly above your ankle so that the toes of the socks would actually be flush against you but they unfurled a bit, “I wanna get so much mileage out of these elf shoes.” 

“Hmm, suit yourself.” The way he reflexively holds out his hand but considers it afterwards makes you think he’s been mulling over affection too. 

This time you’re the one to ask, “Are you okay?”

“Yes-” he wiggles his fingers, lifts his hand in the air, “-- you saw this, huh?” 

He commits to outstretching his arm but you only give his hand a squeeze before letting it go.

“I’m compelled to touch you too, Aster.” 

You’re not completely certain that’s what he’s thinking about and now you feel kind of vulnerable and foolish standing in front of him. You immediately want to grab his hand and commit to holding it but you resist the thought. 

“Is it of your own accord?”

It leaves you blinking. “What do you mean by that?”

“Compelled… You said that. You are ‘compelled to touch me’. Am I influencing you to do so?”

You’re not certain what his question means. He often says things that sound a little peculiar, not to mention when he alludes to something that’s related to the topic he refuses to tell you much of. Is this another one?

He does not stand in a way to make his presence more frightening and you can tell that he’s not staring hard into you because you don’t hear the hum behind your eyes and between your ears. “I… I don’t know what you mean by that? I don’t think you are, first of all, but if you were to be in the position of doing so, then would I really know?” 

Your face scrunches up, you shut your eyes and shake your head, waving your hands. 

“No, I’m… I’m the one who offered my hand in the darkness first.” It’s still and uncomfortable in the room but you think now is probably the most appropriate time to ask, “Do I touch you too much?” 

“No! I want you to touch me,” you can’t help that your face flashes red and your eyebrows raise in surprise, “that’s why I’m asking. I feel like you’ve been giving me an inch, more so really, but I take a mile. I want to make sure that we’re okay.” 

“Asteroth, I feel like I’m taking a mile. I feel like when I’m scared, I hold your hand. I say the wrong thing, I hold your hand. I am unsure how to communicate anything, I hold your hand. And then… it feels like it’s been charged lately too.” 

“Ruined…”

“Ruined?! No! Is that how you feel?” “No. I don’t feel that way at all, it doesn’t feel ruined for me. I feel like I’ve ruined it for you though.” 

You’re not sure about you being in the position of being the voice of reason, the situation’s mediator, the one to settle all of this. 

“I think that right now we are overwhelmed, and not in a way that feels exciting, but that doesn’t ruin anything. I just like being near you. I like touching you too, but we don’t have to if it gets too much. Or if we hold hands, or sit really closely next to each other, I like all of that. I’m here on my own accord, I think that we’re okay. I just want to be around you, Aster.”

You see him turn his neck in such a way his face flickers in and out of view. 

“Thank you for saying that. I want to be around you too.” 

You know he was rifling through the fridge when you walked in, you see that additionally a lot of the cabinets have been left open. “Is there anything else bothering you?”

“Hmm. I’m concerned about tomorrow. Work, you leaving, I’m trying to order groceries but I’m not sure what to get.” 

You’re not calendar organized, you’re not “come up with a plan after 2 or possibly more days of no sleep” organized, but you can organize thoughts pretty well if given some time and resources. 

“Let’s come up with our plan, maybe write it out. That helps me, at least. We probably were trying to do that earlier but it…”

“Got derailed.”

You nod along, “Yeah! It just got derailed. We can run it back.” 

He seemed relieved, exhaling and overall looking less frantic. The two of you go back to the table, this time he sits where you’ve just learned is where he normally sits, and you to his right instead of across. He reaches across the table to grab a pad of paper and a pen that he must have set out while you were in the shower, and rips out a sheet. 

A warm feeling washes over you when you see him put the pen in his left hand, not even to mention that it looked in his hand what a really nubbed pencil would have looked in yours: tiny and impossible to hold. Despite this, he managed to hold the pen delicately and wrote with his whole arm instead of just his wrist. You must have had another dopey expression on your face. You see the pen pause in midair and feel him nudge you. You look up with the sort of feared expression that is commonly had when one realizes they’re not paying attention; you look up at him wide eyed and blank. 

“Did you hear me?”

You were already messing up. The guilt that crept onto your face was inexplicable and entirely real. 

“No… I’m sorry.” He laughs dryly. He didn’t seem upset, maybe he felt bad by your expression.

“What is it?”

Did you just say something? You were on the verge of sweating, you didn’t know what was happening. You just continued to look blank and confused.

“What’s going on up there?” 

He taps the non-nibbed part of the pen on your forehead. It makes your body tighten up, your kneejerk reaction to respond with anger, you feel condescended upon. You managed to hold your tongue but your eyes must have flashed, you see him pull his arm back, but the scene in its entirety makes you laugh. It undoes all of the spontaneously felt upset, and introduces total clarity.

“Oh, earlier, like literally when we sat down. You’re left-handed.” 

He twirls the pen in his hand, “I am.”

“I was also thinking, ‘Oh wow, he uses his entire arm to write, shoulder and everything like how you’re supposed to.’ I write from my wrist; I know, no good, right? So then,” you gesture your right wrist twisting around, opening and closing your fingers into a stretch, “my entire hand cramps up.”

“Maybe that’s just a right-handed problem.” 

You look up at him incredulously, but see in the corner of your eye that he’s fidgeting with the pen with both hands, his elbows leaned onto the table. He looks like a mischievous kid about to pass notes or throw something. You laugh at him, maybe you should have taken him up on the offer to wash your clothes. You felt like you were in some dream, not writing out a plan of action for the following day. 

“I’m sorry. I will focus now.” 

He elbows you, “You don’t have to apologize.” 

You’re leaning on your hand now, propping your elbow on the table, now looking between Asteroth and the paper.

“What did you ask me?”

You like seeing him gesticulate with the pen, you can’t help but have a buoyant expression when he remains hunched over the table but points it in your direction. “What do you like to eat?” “Oh no. We can’t start with that one.” 

This is what breaks him, he makes a frustrated sound and lifts himself off of the table by planting his hands onto the edge. 

“No, no, no! Don’t give up on me yet!” 

You rip the pen from him and pull the paper to you. You can still hear him breathing loudly but he remains where he is and does not interrupt you. You draw a large circle next to a really small one. You point to the larger one, “Broad,” you point to the smaller one and trace it with the bottom of the pen, “narrow.” 

You’re now the one pointing with the pen, you hear air escape from him in an abrupt laugh, you see his body deflate. He leans himself to the left the same way that you had, but you’re not certain what of his face or head he could possibly be propping onto his hand. 

You do not allow yourself to get distracted further by this nor to ask about it, “That should be an easy question but… I don’t know. I guess it is? I liked what you cooked this morning. I like pizza. I don’t really cook so I don’t… I don’t know. Like, what do you like to eat? This is your home. I imagine asking that in return will equally frustrate, derail, us. This is a mountain to me,” you write in ‘groceries’ into the large circle.

“Let’s start with the things that don’t have any open endedness whatsoever: what time do you go to work tomorrow?”

“8:30.” You write it down, “I’ll leave a little bit earlier then, at 7:30?” 

“You could leave later if you want…” 

You shake your head. 

“I don’t want to be disruptive while you’re at work. I also need to try to find some big things as soon as possible,” you first write down ‘phone’, “I can do without it if it is lost, I think I still have an old one too I could get reactivated but what I really need to find,” you write down ‘wallet’. 

“If I don’t have that then… I’ll need to spend part of the day figuring that out, so the earlier I see what is or isn’t there then hopefully the earlier I’ll be able to get it done. I’d need to go to my bank, and I’ll need to find where I’ve filed away a document for another license.”

You write down your backup plan, which to go to first and the things that you will need. 

“Do you know how to get to your apartment from here?”

You pause. You’re not a bad navigationalist but you would generally use your phone’s GPS for an unknown trip. 

“No… No, I guess I don’t. I don’t think I’m far away from here but I’m not sure.”

“I can print you out directions then.”

He gestures for you to give him the pen and slides the paper closer towards him while still leaving it mostly in front of you. You raise your eyebrows and wonder if he’s going to somehow start printing off directions now but instead writes out 10 digits.

“This is my phone number. You can call me or text me but texting would be easier. It’s my work phone so please do not write out my name in any correspondences. You can say “A” or anything else really.”

He pushes the paper back the little bit of ways towards you and sets the pen on top. You pick up the pen but keep it close to the table, suddenly feeling flustered that Asteroth has just given you his number. You also hold in the back of your mind that this is another note to squirrel away. 

You try to get back to business, but try as you might you’re not able to get it together. Without thinking, you touch your left hand to the phone number and then attempt to feign brushing a crumb away when you realize yourself. You raise your eyes up to look at him; Asteroth’s body seems lax, he’s still propped on his hand, leaning to the side. You can’t tell what he’s thinking and it makes you want to ask him. You want to ask what he thinks about seeing you squirm like this but the thought hearkens back to earlier, when your attempts at sorting through a plan fizzled out. 

“Do you have anything top of mind?”

You hope that your attempt to divert the situation, and more importantly attention, away from yourself seemed seamless enough. You hear him make the most breathless of laughs before he takes the pen away again, playing with the cap and barrel. 

“I just need to look tonight at what’s been going on. I completed the project I was working on, so first thing tomorrow I need to send it in for review.” 

He remains quiet and still except for now wiggling the pen, making it look as though it were a sine wave instead of a solidly straight object. 

“Now that I say it out loud, I do not feel so badly about work. I don’t think it’s as big of a deal as I was making out to be. I just felt anxious by the fact I was just gone for days, but I don’t think I’m in bad standing.” 

You liked how candidly he was speaking and you thought that his relief was kind of infectious, seeing him calm down in some part made you feel calmer too. 

“I think the only thing top of mind now for me,” he flips the paper over, placing the pen on top again, and taps the page’s blank surface with two of his fingers, “what do you eat?” 

You cover your face, reeling from the question. Right after you started to feel at ease, too. “This isn’t some exam you can fail. You just have to say things that you like.”

You keep your hands to the side of your head, looking at the blank page. You were supposed to do what exactly? Write foods you liked as a list? You wished that he would just make whatever he was already going to make and then share it with you, instead of making you come up with a counselor’s guideline list for sleepaway camp. 

“Do you like spaghetti?” 

Your eyes light up. 

“Yes! Do you?” “No.” 

He let you ascend just to have you topple all the way down. 

You suddenly look so injured and sound equally so, “Why did you suggest it then?” 

“I don’t hate spaghetti. It’s just kind of difficult for me to eat.” 

“Is it?”

You ask it without thinking, curiosity does pour out of you but you’re sincere too. He decides to give in, to give you a piece of information about himself but does so in a tone that lets you know that this is it. “It’s difficult because it’s unruly. I can take bites out of some things but it’s not very straightforward and the noodles just get everywhere. Soup is another challenge for the same reason.” 

You end up asking another question, but it isn’t one that intrudes further into the image of whatever he could possibly be describing.

“What about a smaller pasta shape then?”

“It doesn’t taste the same though, does it?” He sounds oddly cheerful, the contrast of that to the content of his words is bewildering. He grabs the pen with his right hand and writes, ‘spaghetti’. The handwriting is scratchy and not as good but he’s able to do it. 

“You’re ambidextrous?” “I don’t think so. I can just kind of write with my right hand. I’m doing it now because you are right handed and together we are writing foods that you like.”

He seems in such good spirits that you feel like a grinch for feeling so confused and not being on the same page as him. 

“But you don’t like it… you said that it’s difficult to eat. You don’t have to make it.” 

Saying it takes the wind out of you, you hate that you could just about cry too. 

Asteroth remains unphased, “You really lit up when it was suggested. You like it. Also, I make it often anyways. You’re not taking anything away from me. If you don’t name off more things though… We may have to eat it every day…” 

Neither of you had touched this entire time, but you break through now to shake his arm. 

“Asteroth! Please tell me something that you like to eat. I know this is juvenile but… I feel like I’m being set up. I don’t want to only suggest things that are not something you can eat. I like a lot of things, I don’t… I don’t like wings?” “I don’t like wings either.” 

He puts his hand on top of yours, “I like roasts.”

You break free of him and grab the pen, “I do too!” 

“Breakfast foods…”

You are nodding enthusiastically, writing these down but the moods shift. While you now feel alleviated from all pressure, he seems dour. The pen remains in contact with the paper when you look towards him, carelessly forming stray marks. 

“I wish you would tell me what you liked. Unprompted.” 

It twists your feelings and your face. “It’s okay if it’s something I don’t really like to eat, can’t really eat, it doesn’t matter. I just want to make, to know, something that you like. You’ve only told me something you don’t like.”

You mostly eat out, eating takeout from restaurants and fast food. Sometimes grab-and-go items from convenience stores and grocery stores alike. You could feed yourself from pantry and fridge staples if you absolutely had to but you always choose convenience over attempting to cook something that would ultimately cost you way more money in ingredients, time, and end up not tasting very good. Asteroth clearly cooks a lot and your attention tries to escape the topic by wondering if he’s eaten fast food before. It takes you all too long before you pip up ever so quietly, “I like salmon.”

Life seems to return to him, he eagerly gestures towards the paper. 

You are frowning largely while you write things down, it causes you physical discomfort when you think about how disjointed or “random” the items you’re coming up with sound like. You feel bad that you don’t know how to cook, anxious that the things you’re writing down will turn out to be either things that he hates or can’t eat, and the biggest sense of upset comes from you simply not knowing how to process someone wanting so desperately to cook for you and to make sure that their home was provisioned with things that you liked. 

“I like… sweet potatoes… broccoli… honestly, sorry if it’s too broad, do what you will, I really like any vegetable,” he said this isn’t some test that you could fail but each item looks more incorrect than the last, “bread… ugh, dude, I really just eat… whatever… stew… oh wait-” 

You try to cross it out but he stops you. 

You look at him and say plainly, “Stew is basically soup, right? Or sort of adjacent to? You said-” 

“It doesn’t matter, keep it on there.” 

You roll your eyes and keep it listed. Inspiration hits and you list off a few additional items with a more pleasant disposition. “Oh, I like spinach, cream based things, chicken. I like when those three things are combined too. Pizza, as you already know, if that’s not cheating. I’m not sure what else.. is this sufficient?”  

Asteroth takes the paper from you and puts it up to his face, as though he hadn’t already been reading it while you were writing, much less sitting next to you. 

He still sounds so playful and devilish, “Mmm, it’ll do… For now.” 

He stands up with the paper at hand, you find yourself reaching out, “Wait!” 

Instead of handing you the paper, he offers you your hand, pulling you up when you take it. “I’ll give it back later, I haven’t forgotten,” gesturing to the back of the note where he had written his phone number, “in the meantime let’s get you directions.” 

**

He leads you into an office area that has two desks, one with a setup you’re familiar with: a simple desk, a laptop, a large external monitor and a smaller one on the opposite side. You presume this is his work computer, the other desk much nicer and larger. It houses a desktop, two large monitors that are mounted on hinged arms, and a keyboard that makes an exceptional ‘clack’. When he turns on the computer it whirs to life quietly but brightly, making an attractive display of ebbing lights. 

“Do you play video games?” “Yeah, I haven’t in a while though. I work on hobby projects, usually. Do you play any games?”

“No, I’ve never played a game on the computer before and it’s been a lot of years since I’ve even played on a console.” 

You don’t know why, but seeing the wallpaper of his desktop made you feel strangely. Not that it was anything weird or racy, it was a nature photo of a volcanic chasm with an icy bank in the background. It was active, the very center and pooled deposits around a bright orange, but the very outer edges were cooled and looked like charred pillows. 

“Have you ever seen a volcano in person before?” He doesn’t turn around when he asks, the question sticks out like a sore thumb.

“No,” you hadn’t, “have you?” “I have.” 

This perplexes you, there are no volcanoes in your state, much less the entire country region. You wonder where he would have seen one, how he would have seen one, but you do not ask and he does not tell you any more. 

He opens up the browser and you feel bashful seeing his bookmarks, you resist trying to make out what they say and go as far as to turn away. 

“What’s wrong?”

His torso is turned to look at you, you can additionally see that he’s opened up a map website and has already input 208 Pepperjack, waiting for your apartment complex’s address. 

“I feel like I’m invading on your personal space.” “If there was anything strange, I wouldn’t have invited you in here.” 

Your body cringes into itself, you were crossed-arm but now cover your face with one of your hands. 

“That’s not what I meant, I’m not insinuating that. It still just feels personal, I’m not trying to pry.”

“I invited you in here, we are printing directions.”

You understand that it’s that simple but you don’t know how to convey exactly what it is that you’re feeling. You accept that it’s not worth the effort to try since he’s at least made it clear that there’s no problem. 

You don’t sound very confident when you say, “You’re right,” but you walk over all the same to instruct your address.

You didn’t live incredibly far away, but your apartment was 30 minutes away, possibly 45 minutes to an hour with traffic. You were still set on leaving Asteroth’s house at 7:30am the next day, but you’d probably need to be strategic about what time you came back. Hopefully by that point you’d have your phone to troubleshoot as needed when that time came. 

He prints it out on a large boxy printer that you’re all too familiar with.

“I have this same printer.” 

“Do you, really?” 

“Yeah, I’d have to print out a lot of summaries. Regional prospects, company invoices, quarterly reports about cash burn and GAAP gross margins.”

He makes a disgusted noise, it tickles you in such a way your eyebrows raise.

“I’m unnerved hearing you say those words.” 

He’s making the chair swivel side to side while facing you, this demon with an office job. You feel a pleasant sensation by what he said, that he’s unnerved by you, but you don’t think it would be tactful to share this particular sentiment. 

He asks brightly, “Did you like your job?” You shrugged, the same way you always had even when you were still employed by it. 

“I liked it enough.” 

“Did you go to school for it?” “No. I went to school for…” 

The words lodge in your throat like a frog. It feels like you’ve been stricken by a spell that forbids you from talking about this particular subject. “I went to school for chemistry.” 

He abruptly stops swiveling the chair, leaning far out of it. 

“Chemistry!” His reaction is so large and charismatic, you feel bad that you can’t fully appreciate it. 

“What connected that to a job in sales?”

You had floundered during your first year of graduate school, unable to ever overcome the pressure of the workload and weight of responsibility. Your anxiety was your undoing. You didn’t even have a mean or insensitive advisor, you had one that was so caring and flexible, willing to work with you through every hurdle and you blew it. You sulked for a long time but eventually landed a job at a company, the company you would eventually work in sales for. 

You were there for a couple of years and were able to prove to yourself that you could overcome your downfalls, or at least compartmentalize them in a productive way. You were incrementally given more responsibilities, your bosses leveraging a gamble on you but you were able to exceed expectations, most of all yours. You were able to work all the way up to a sizable position in sales, interfacing with clients and negotiating multiple figure contracts. 

Eventually though something shifted, you thought that having success under your belt would fix you, but it didn’t. The things you had put away inside of yourself reared all at once, leading to a complete breakdown. Your corporate job; what you should imagine as your soulless, corporate, job. Even if they were, you couldn’t blame yourself on them. They provided you clemency. Through HR and their comprehensive “employee wellness” policy, you were granted a leave of absence for mental health. You’re not sure if it actually helped at all, or if it just made things worse, because when you returned you were still unraveled and threadbare. You were not let go because of a company layoff, you were let go because you managed to screw this up too. 

You had cried many times already in front of Asteroth and have been overcome with emotion equally as many, but you fought to keep your face set. Your eyes started to water hot, you fighting with everything you had to not let any of them fall. You didn’t trust yourself to speak, you could already feel how opening your mouth would instantly make you cry. 

It was impossible right now to answer him in any meaningful way, all you could get out is a huskily, “I don’t want to talk about that right now.” 

He gets out of the chair with startling speed, he appears to loom over the room. He approaches you more slowly, maintaining a distance while he braces your arms. 

“I am so sorry.” 

His tone nearly breaks you, you shudder into a laugh that reflects how uncomfortable you feel. “You don’t have to be, I’m sorry. You asked a completely innocuous question, I didn’t know I would feel so strongly. I just thought about everything all at once,” your voice hitches and you find yourself blinking tears again. “To give you the short version, I’ve messed up a lot. That’s how the two are connected...” 

You sharply inhale and unsteadily regain composure, you don’t feel on the brink of crying anymore, you just feel tired. You look at the paper with printed directions and feel the sensation of being distant, looking but not actually reading or intaking the information from the page. 

“Hey,”

Asteroth gently shakes you from one of your arms and smooths out the sweatshirt sleeve on your other. 

“Where have you gone?” 

You look up at his face, you’re certain by the way his body is held and the way that he’s crooned that he would be looking at you with an expression of concern. You want to reach up and touch his neck, also feeling a sudden sense of curiosity to try to touch his jaw wherever that might be. What does the edge of his face feel like? You wonder if it feels like viscera, unpleasant; not to even mention what it might feel like to him. Would it hurt or feel uncomfortable? 

“Asteroth,” 

You sound small but you don’t feel or look as though you’re distressed, just absent. 

He grabs your wrists in response, gesturing for you to continue. You think about how he has reiterated many times that you could have space and time. You’re all but certain that that is what you need right now. 

“I want to lie down for a little bit. I’m okay, I just got kind of a head rush. I think I’m still feeling some residual sleepiness.”

Aster looks markedly relieved but remains reserved, “Yes, absolutely.”

He presses into your wrists briefly, it feels like he wants to grab your hands. You want him to but you don’t make a move towards it either. “Take all of the time you need. If you need anything, please let me know.” 

You do not squeeze his hands in farewell, you don’t touch him at all before parting away completely. You smile up at him while nodding in return, holding the paper with both of your hands and leaving the room. 

You shuffle out of the room, hearing Asteroth return to sitting in the office chair and clacking away at his computer. You wanted to return to his home as soon as possible tomorrow but the thought had come up a few times that you weren’t sure how you’d occupy your time. You didn’t want him to feel like he had to entertain you at all times, but you also felt uncertain and awkward about preoccupying your own time while in someone else’s home. You felt comforted though hearing him return to his own activity while you walked down the hallway to return to your room. 

Your room? You shook your head to yourself, correcting to: the room you were staying in. All the same, when you closed the door and flopped onto the bed you felt the immeasurable relief that came from a sense of privacy and doubly so given that on top of that it felt guilt free. Being a visitor in someone’s home made you feel on edge and immensely uncomfortable to the point where you could never enjoy yourself and only relished for the moment you got to go home. Being here though was vastly different, there were still awkward moments, but you wanted to be here. You were given clearance to have absolute privacy and, admittedly, it helped that you were also in a somewhat isolated part of the house. 

This must be why then you find yourself waking up in the pitch black room.

You don’t feel frightened but you do feel groggy, blinking to look for a clock. The sun was still out when you lied down earlier, but you peek out of the window and see that it is now nighttime. You could have sworn there was an alarm clock when you first came into the room, remembering that you left your swaddled dirty clothes on the side table. You feel for them and knock the pile onto the ground, revealing the bright blue digits informing you that it’s one in the morning. 

You cannot believe what you’re seeing, “Is this clock correct?”

You burst the door open but immediately try to keep as quiet as possible when you see that all of the lights are off, except for the glow and quiet murmur of the tv. You creep into the living room and see Asteroth stretched along the couch, one arm behind his head and the other across his stomach. He was back to wearing sweats, changed out of the clothes he was wearing earlier. You were all but certain he was asleep, he surely would have stirred to your sounds if he were awake. 

You tiptoe into the kitchen, there was enough illumination by the night light and 2 lamps he had on. There you read the clock on the microwave, the oven, and could even see an analog clock on the wall: all confirming it to be one in the morning. 

You shake your head, “That is so crazy.”

You see the pizza boxes on the counter partially closed, you can’t help but feel humored that even tidy Asteroth has moments like these. You open them and see that a couple slices of pizza remain. You don’t give too much thought to how much time they must have sat out, you grab one and eat it while standing in the entryway that connects the kitchen to the living room. You feel like you’re doing something sort of wrong when you do, Aster made it a point to insist he not be present while you ate but you could see him now and it did not deter you. You see a loose paper towel on the table and again give no thought to where it may have been, maybe the floor or otherwise, you just don’t want to risk making a sound while ripping one from the roll. 

You think that you should probably return to your room but you’re drawn to go near him, moving as slowly and quietly as possible. You remain crouched next to the couch, he really must be asleep. Your arms prickle and you feel a shivery run quickly down your spine as he still looks identical, it still looks like he’s looking straight at you. The unnerving feeling dies down though as you can see his chest moving steadily and you can audibly hear him breathing in an even cadence. You press your luck, waving a hand in front of his face. No response. Normally when you have seen him it has been in close proximity to yourself, or while he’s standing and sitting. Never have you seen him lounged while afar, he looks so soft and comfortable. Especially against your best judgment, you gently place your hand where his stretched up arm meets his chest. He suddenly moves, grabbing your wrist.

“It’s me, it’s me! Oh my god I’m sorry, it’s me!” 

He sounds groggy, his body tensed in alarm. 

“What are you doing? What time is it?” “I’m sorry! It’s one in the morning! I just woke up, I didn’t know I would sleep all the way into nighttime. I came out here and saw you. I saw you were sleeping, at first I wasn’t sure but–” “You couldn’t tell because I am looking at you, right? I have creeped you out.” “No! No, god damn it, the opposite! You looked so sweet! I’m the creep, I’m sorry for creeping on you.” 

You felt so much alarm that you couldn’t help but punctuate yourself in shouts. 

“Sweet, huh.” 

He started to sit up, partially propped on his arm. He lets go of your wrist and you can see him looking around, his face disappearing and reappearing as he did. 

He sounds disoriented, sleepy, but also a little mournful, “I’m really sorry. Are you okay?” He puts his hand out but stops himself from touching you, “I really am sorry for reacting that way. I got startled, I didn’t mean to fall asleep either. I didn’t forget about you but I wasn’t expecting to see someone either.” “It’s okay, I’m okay. I shouldn’t have snuck up on you or tried to touch you while you were asleep.” 

You lean closer and he swipes his arm to scoop you into a hug. You can feel his shoulders bounce in silent laughter but his chest is pounding. 

Yours must feel the same, he remarks, “Your heart…”

You mumble a little too dispirited, “Yours too.” 

You’re charmed when he clutches you tighter, nearly burying his arms into your back. His whole body shudders like he had the chills, residual heebie-jeebies. He laughs too, you can feel him press his throat into the nook of your neck and shoulder. You rub his back in big broad strokes, as though you were thawing him out from a freeze. He softens into you, every bit of him that brushes against you melds warmly. It feels comforting more than anything, you think that it is the same for him too, but you still feel a flutter.  

“I didn’t know I could get that sort of startled, I’m not used to someone being around.”

You smile into the back of his neck and rub his back more briskly. You’re surprised at how much strength you must exert to keep yourself braced against him, and you’re even more surprised by how deeply he rolls into you.

He straightens up a bit, all force removed from you.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Are you hungry?”

He may have lifted off of you some but you continue to press into him.

“I ate the pizza.”

“That was left on the counter??” 

“Yes, it’s pizza.”

You laugh into him, encouraging him to come closer again. He obliges but keeps his head up, looking straight at you. 

“You saw me.”

He didn’t want to be in proximity of you while you ate, and you were.

You grip him tighter, and look him head on, “I’m sorry. I did briefly, before I went into the kitchen. I could only see the back of the couch while I ate.”

He curls around you again, obstructing your view of himself. It feels like he wants to say more but he yawns, he yawns so largely he could have toppled you over had he not been bracing himself. 

He holds himself steady, but asks with a tone of uncertainty, “Do you want to lay down next to me?” 

You weren’t expecting that but you already know your answer, “Yes.” 

He loosens up his arms and leans into the back of the couch, you clambering onto it and rolling over so that you’re both facing the direction of the tv. It’s a snug fit and he nearly drapes his body over yours, inviting you to hold his hand. You stretch into him, causing his chest to rumble into your back. 

He’s nearly whispering, “Is this okay?”

He keeps his hold on you but has the tone of someone who is trying to tell you that you’re allowed to change your mind. 

You thread his fingers and rub his arms, “Yes, I like this.”

“I do too.”

You lay there quietly for a bit, you feel a little too energetic for how late it is, not certain if sleeping the entire day away or now spooning with Asteroth contributed the most to that. You curl your body slightly, pressing the bottoms of your feet into his shins. He curls his body more into yours, fit together like stacked chairs. 

“I’m sorry I snuck up on you.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m sorry I reacted out of alarm.”

“I’m sorry that I…”

You clutch onto his arms tighter in order to get the thought out. He holds onto you tighter in response.

“I’m sorry that I blatantly disregarded what you said about… about eating near you.”

He laughs largely. It feels like it originates first in his belly, cascading into bounces across his body and into yours.

“You don’t listen to me.”

You want to sit up and plead with him but he squeezes you when your body starts to lurch, removing his hand to rub down the length of your shoulder down to your wrist. It gives you a small stir, you curl more into each other. 

“I just didn’t want to unsettle you while you ate.”

“You didn’t! You don’t.”

He considers you while he continues to rub your back.

“Sometimes I do. Sometimes I unsettle you.”

He presses onto your shoulder, you can feel his body lift up enough to where you see him when you crane your neck.

“Don’t I?”

You haven’t paid any attention to the tv, only now are you aware at seeing the glow of the screen flicker across his face, but only the parts surrounding his eyes. You know that you often still felt a chill by him. 

You reach up to hook a finger into the collar of his sweatshirt, admitting out loud, “Sometimes.”

He stays where he is but you can tell that an immediate reaction coursed through him, his body tightening up. 

You unhook his shirt’s collar and run your finger up his neck, brushing it against his jaw. You do not try to touch something within the unknown boundaries of his face, but you’re close enough that he arches slightly.

You tell him just as directly, “I like looking at you too.”

It was not a lie. 

He grabs your hand and pulls it away from himself. He leans the both of you back into the couch, you can feel his chest rising and lowering rapidly against you. You press your fingers into his hand and play with his fingers, rubbing up and down each one, beginning from each joint and segment. He slowly started to calm down, the two of you again not saying anything more and sleepiness on the horizon. He yawns again and you can feel the entirety of it, you find yourself yawning as well.

You pull his hand closer to your face, his arm leaving a new spot for his other one, threading underneath and wrapping along your stomach. You kiss the top of his knuckles and can feel goosebumps just below his wrist. 

“Is this okay?” You’re the one to ask it this time.

“I like it.” 

His breathing sounds stilted but his voice sounds tired, comfortable.

You feel sleepy too, you feel yourself drifting in and out of consciousness while brushing your lips against the back of his fingers. He makes soft sounds, as though he were drifting asleep and you served as gusts of wind into his parachute. You weren’t positive if you had been drifting asleep yourself, feeling amidst the strange halcyon only a very dull awareness of your surroundings. 

You open his fingers to kiss the inside of his hand, he continues to breathe evenly, leaving you uncertain if he was awake. You dozily press into his fingers, lips parted slightly before nipping at him. When you get to his fingertips you feel a change take place, you can feel him hard against the back of your hip. His body remains quiet and still, but even without him rolling his hips against you there is no doubt at all that you are feeling what you think you are. 

You aren’t upset by it but you are so surprised that you exhale sharply, your hot breath into his palm instantly making him alert. He nearly shoves you off of the couch, you desperate to hang onto his arm to prevent it from happening.

“Asteroth!” “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

You’re no longer at risk of being flung from the couch but he is slipping and sliding to disembark in such a rush. “Don’t be! Asteroth!” 

You tug on his sleeve when he finally stands up, facing away from you and poised to leave the room entirely.

You try to yank on his sleeve again, “Asteroth! It’s okay! It’s okay! I don’t mind!” 

You’re not sure if that was the right thing to say, you wonder if the outcome might have been different if you were forthright about not only not minding it, but having liked it too, but your efforts are fruitless either way. 

He shakes you off and frantically says without turning around, “No, no it’s not okay. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I have to go to bed.” 

He storms away and you hear his door close quickly and firmly. You’re left on the couch feeling confused at best, but your feelings start to get hurt and really sour. You don’t understand what just happened, feeling guilt that it may have been your fault, and even a bit of anger by how things played out. You paw around for a remote and turn off the tv, before shuffling back to your room. 

Your eyes are burning hot, you could just about break into a sob. 

You are mindful of yourself when you close the door, resisting the urge to slam it. You collapse onto the bed, the tears nearly besting you and escaping containment but you squeeze your eyes shut, refusing to cry right now. What makes you the most frustrated is how suddenly frustrated you feel. You go to burrow into the covers of the blanket but you’re pressing your face into the pillow he had used last night. 

You imagine how you are lying right where he was, your body nearly acting on its own as you begin to ball up the blanket and place it between your legs. You start to rub yourself onto it but are too aware that you’re in someone’s home and that you’re wearing someone else’s clothes. You’re doubly mad at yourself now for having not taken Asteroth up on his offer to wash your clothes. You can feel moisture start to bead down your thigh and though you would be washing the clothes he let you borrow, and you’ve been wearing them this entire time anyways, you thought that masturbating would irrevocably ruin them. 

You untangle yourself from the blanket in a huff and go to the bathroom to dry off, to splash ample water on your face, and to brush your teeth. You still feel on edge but substantially calmer now that some time has passed, when you exit the bathroom and hear the stillness of the entire house you accept going to bed. The clock now says two thirty, but you do not set an alarm, you know that even though you are able to fall asleep now that it will not be restful. 

** 

You were correct. 

You wake up at six am, and feel like now is as good of a time as any to leave. 

You weren’t sure if Asteroth wanted you to come back but you would try to, maybe he’d talk to you after work. You grab the piece of paper with the driving instructions and realize he never returned the one with his number to you. You tried to not think too hard about it before leaving the room to go into the bathroom. On the way there you hear stirring, confirmed when afterwards you start to make your way down the hallway to grab your shoes.

Asteroth was in the kitchen. 

You freeze when you see him but this time it wasn’t out of any sort of shock, you felt awkward about last night and doubly so for skulking around his home so early. 

“Were you about to leave without saying anything?”

He’s at the stove, he doesn’t sound mean or judgemental but his tone and words still makes you shrink. 

“I would have written a note…” 

He turns his head, you know that his perpetually onlooking face was actually looking at you. It makes you feel defensive.

“Did you actually want to see me?”

You didn’t mean to but your tone has some attitude in it, letting him know how you felt about last night. He silently looks back at the stove, and it makes you feel sick. 

You begin to walk forward to try to go nearer, “I’m sorry-“

He stops you. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay that you’re upset. I’m really sorry. I’m sorry for leaving abruptly, I’m sorry that I… that I had touched you…” 

He shakes his head and makes a sort of growled and exasperated sound. 

“I can’t even say it, I was so embarrassed. I’m still embarrassed.”

You try to move closer once more, “Asteroth, it’s oka-“ but he cuts you off again. 

You can see him shaking his head, when he talks again he sounds hushed and near tears. 

“I can’t talk about it right now.” 

You feel kind of irritated. You’re still confused and it only hurts you more, but he also seems in genuine distress. You don’t want to push, yet you don’t see how you being here right now is helpful.

“Okay. We don’t have to talk about it right now.” 

“Thank you. Are you hungry?” 

He barely sounds relieved, you’ve never heard him ask you something so meekly before. You feel like now you really want to leave, but you don’t want to leave him hanging. 

“I am a little hungry.”

He gestures towards the table and you sit down, you’re not looking forward to awkward silence. 

You watch as he turns off the burner and extracts a plate from the oven, stacked with pancakes. On the table in front you already is a bottle of syrup and butter. He places two cakes on a serving plate along with a couple of fried eggs from the pan. 

“Are you thirsty? Do you want water? I have coffee too.”

You didn’t even notice the smell of coffee but now that he’s mentioned it, you’re not sure how you could have missed it. 

You are bright eyed but sound in a total trance when you repeat the word, “Coffee?!”

Momentarily you don’t feel uncomfortable, for a while longer than a moment actually. He places the plate in front of you before grabbing a coffee cup from the cupboard, steam wafting upwards. You forget yourself and tear into a pancake with your hands, noticing that there was a coffee cup next to Asteroth the entire time. The observation passes through your mind without comment, but you do suddenly go, “Oh, mmmmm!” when you pop the piece of pancake in your mouth. It is fluffy, hot, and not too sweet. 

Aster laughs with his back turned towards you, “Sorry, I don’t have any cream. I do have sugar.”

“No thank you, I don’t need cream or sugar.” 

You put a pad of butter on the pancake on the plate and smear a bit on the torn piece in your hand before pouring syrup on the plated pancake and a bit to the side of it. You dip the one in your hand into some of the pooled syrup and drop it into your mouth. 

“Mmmm,” it escapes you, “mm, Aster this is really good.” 

Your demeanor has softened, you are radiating a positive attitude but it’s not something that you could have forced into existence: you just really enjoy pleasant textures. 

It doesn’t even cross your mind when he places a mug of coffee in front of you, followed by a glass of water, that he’s literally still in the room. 

You are focused on cutting up the next pancake instead of just tearing with your hands, now that syrup has saturated it. You break into one of the fried eggs too, you’re happy to see that it’s more set than runny but you still swipe a piece of the pancake across some of the exposed jammy yolk. The two complimented each other really well, you feeling doubly refreshed after you chase it down with coffee. Your eyes nearly roll back, you haven't had coffee in so long. It was so hot and pleasant to even just hold the mug. 

You begin working away at the second pancake when Asteroth sits diagonal from you. 

Your mouth is full when you first attempt, “You’re-“ but predictably you end up nearly choking instead.

You drink some water and laugh at yourself, pawing at yourself with a paper towel. 

“Pancakes have me not knowing how to act right.”

When you uncover your face you look somewhere between an imp and a cherub, you sound like one too. 

Pointedly, but more importantly, enthusiastically, “You’ll sit with me?!”

“Yes. If you start to feel unpleasant though… just tell me.” 

The sentiment goes unacknowledged, you don’t feel unpleasant in the slightest. 

“These are really good, Asteroth. Do you make pancakes often?”

He preoccupies himself by idly scrolling on his phone on the table, but you can see him look up. 

“I’m glad that you like them. I do make pancakes a lot.”

It makes you smile to think about. 

You shovel more into your mouth, you don’t normally take such ambitious bites but you’re nearing the end and everything has only been pleasurable to eat. 

Your voice has that sticky sound, your mouth is not full but it’s as if your gullet is, “Do you like a little bit of syrup or a lot of syrup?”

“I like a lot of syrup.”

His answer tickles you. 

“Are you a sweet tooth? Do you like sweet things?”

“Sort of. I mostly like a lot of syrup, or something like a lot of jam on toast. I do like sweets in general but I don’t eat very many candies or things like cake.”

You finish your plate but could easily eat more.

“Could I have another pancake?”

“Yes, of course”

He starts to scoot his chair but you stop him. 

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it.”

The plate was once again living in the oven to keep the remaining pancakes warm. You fish one out and start to tear it before you even get back to your seat. You see from the clocks that time is approaching 7am. 

When you return to your seat he slides the piece of paper from yesterday with his number on it. 

“If you still want this…”

“Aster, I do.” 

You finish eating the final pancake and wipe your hands off thoroughly before flipping over the piece of paper and filing it next to your directions. 

“I wanted to take it yesterday, remember?” 

He remains silent, it makes you feel defensive again.

“I thought about that this morning. I wasn’t sure what to do though. Knock? I figured since I had the directions, I could try to leave and come back as soon as possible.”

“You said seven thirty.”

“I know, I just,” you felt riled up. You felt like this situation was difficult for both of you to communicate through. “I felt like it would have been best for me to have left. Saying it out loud, I see how it looks bad. I wasn’t going to ghost you, I would have still returned today.”

“You can feel that it’s an awkward situation.”

“Yes but it’s not even awkward because of what happened,” he was too embarrassed to say it, but you were capable of it. He visibly cringes in such a way though that you choose not to. 

“Do you actually want me to come back?”

“Yes! Please.” There is so much finality and pleading when he says it. 

“Okay. Okay I guess that’s all of the reassurance I needed.” 

You’re speaking as though you’re reading off of a checklist but it doesn’t sit right with you, you don’t sit right with you. 

“Have I made you uncomfortable?”

“No.”

You harken back to yesterday, “Have I taken a mile?” 

“No.”

“What is it then, Asteroth?” “This is all unfamiliar. I like to be near you, but I feel kind of in over my head. I feel awkward and embarrassed. I don’t know. I don’t really know how to communicate this to you, but I don’t want to push you away either. I don’t want you to be driven towards leaving unannounced and then never coming back.” 

“I was going to come back… I’m sorry Aster. I’m sorry that I was going to leave without saying goodbye or making sure I had your number first. I thought from last night that you didn’t want to see me.” “No! I do want to see you!” “I know, I know. I understand that now. I just feel confused too.” 

You play with the edge of the papers, bending them without folding and then straightening out. “You give me time and space, I can do the same for you. Last night was abrupt and my feelings got hurt, but I don’t want to leave that kind of impression. We don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to.” 

His throat sounds dry, “But I do want to.” 

It makes you raise your eyebrows and launch into another sudden and abrupt volley of laughter. Your face goes flush , you’re not entirely sure what you’re saying or what he is too. You’re worried you’ve reacted inappropriately and have just snubbed his feelings but he laughs too. 

His composure mostly regained, “Please just keep working with me.” 

It’s not lost on you that he’s just sat with you for the entirety of your meal, even talking through some of all of this while doing so. “I will.”

You glance at the clock, it’s 7:30. It’s now the time you’ve set as your departure, and an hour until Asteroth must get back to work. “You haven’t eaten, have you? I should let you do that and get back to getting ready for work.” 

You get up to put the plate in the sink, when you turn around he’s still in the chair but twisted around in your direction and fishing through his wallet. “You don’t even have your wallet. Do you have gas? A means to get some? Can I give you gas money?” The gesture makes all kinds of alarms go off in your head, you feel immediately embarrassed and inadequate. He sees you reeling. “What would you do if you ran out? You don’t have a phone on you either.”

He had a point. 

You stood still a ways away and mulled it over.

“You don’t have to but if it makes you feel better, you can pay me back. By your reaction, you could give me double too.” 

This makes you bark out in laughter, resigning yourself to accept the sound logic. 

He hands you a twenty dollar bill, you can see a few other bills in his wallet. “How do you have cash?”

You’ve been cautious to avoid wording questions like this but you really do wonder how. He does not recoil from your question, he calmly folds the wallet and puts it into his pocket. 

As he stands up he cooly replies, “An ATM.” 

“Huh. I guess so.” 

He walks past you and fishes around in a drawer, pulling out a key. “I can’t go to the door with you since the sun is starting to come out,” this is goodbye, “here’s my key. Let yourself in at any time at all.” 

He hadn’t made a move to touch you at all this morning, and given the conversation you had just had, you weren’t going to either. You relished the idea that maybe when he handed you the key you’d at least feel your hands brush, maybe he’d even linger there, but this was not the reality. 

When you opened your palm he dropped the key into it, no contact to be had. You turned the key over in your hand a few times before accepting that you would have to be parting this way, leaving while wanting more. You try to remain considerate while you look at him, you know that he does not owe you anything but you can’t help but feel a little disjointed. You wonder if he thinks your expression is expectant, you really hope that it wasn’t but you’ve proven time and time again that you wear everything on your sleeve. 

He looks deep within you for reassurance, “Come back, okay?”

“I will come back to you. Okay? I will come back, I promise. Later today.” 

He nods and you take it as your cue to gather up the papers, and the bag you’ve stuffed your dirty clothes into. You slip on your shoes without tying them, and walk towards the front door, he stays behind within the kitchen. 

“Have a good day at work today! Let me know if you need anything.” 

You wave at him as though you’re at a train platform, and not simply standing 15 feet away from each other. 

He laughs at you and waves back but when you start to leave and closing the door behind you, he sounds all too despondent when he calls out, “Just come back.” 

#demon boyfriend #demon x reader #demon x human #demon #terato #monster bf #monster fucker #original writing #gn reader #monster x human #exophilia #A&A

[the-soul-system]

🎶~We're the Soul System~🎶

We're an introject heavy, traumagenic OSDD-1B system!

Frequent Fronter(s) List:

Lane, 20 (Host) [Any Pronouns EXCEPT SHE/HER]

Ashe, 23 (Avenger) [He/They/Dust]

Tim, 25 (Co-Host) [He/Him]

Kylar, 18 (Symptom Holder) [Any Pronouns]

Takoda, Ageless (Protector) [He/Him]

Lynx, 32 (Primary Protector) [He/They/Purr]

Toby, 20 (Host) [He/It/Xe/Axe]

Damien, 3 (Little) [He/Him]

Axel, Unknown age (Gatekeeper) [He/They/It/Meow/Kit/Vroom]

We also have the following diabilities/disorders:

Autism

ADHD

Anxiety

C-PTSD

Clinical Depression

Arthritus (It runs in our family sadly)

We are bodily 18+. This means those who are bodily MINORS should NOT flirt or attempt any kind of NSFW interactions. We would prefer if minors would avoid certain alters as that would make us comfortable, but can't really control that.

So here is our DNI

DNI transmeds, truscum, TERFs, lgbtphobic, nsfw, dni if you support maps/nomaps, ableist, you think narcissistic abuse exists, discourse, syscourse, endo "systems" and supporters, tulpa "systems", demo "systems", etc.

(This will be added to as needed)

(We are not an NSFW blog, however some topics discussed here may potentially be dark and/or unsuitable for young children. Usually this applies to venting/trauma dumping that we may do.)

*Notice:

*If you find anything posted on our account that belongs to you OR comes from your blog, let us know so we can credit. ((Lots of things get lost in our gallery after saving them and intending to use them, so we often forget where they came from))

Alter Emoji List:

Alice -😇

Apple Jack -🍎

Aries -⚰️

Arlene -💋

Ash -☁️

Ashe -🖐️

Asriel -🐐

Axel -⚙️

Beelze -🧟

BEN -👾

Bolt -⚡

Bonnie -🐰

Brambleclaw -🐅

Castor -🍋

Celeste -💉

Churro -🐱

Cleru -⚔️

Cotton -🍥

Damien -🪺

Ditzy -🫧

Dovewing -🪽

Drake -🐉

Eridan -♒

Eros -🚬

Error -⚠️

Evangeline -💾

Firestar -🔥

Flash -🔌

Frisk -♥️

Gamzee -♑

Gaster/G -🙌

Gaz -⛽

Ghost -💀

Hank -🐟

Hawks -🪶

Hiccup -🛡️

Hope -🌈

Hunter -🦌

Ice-Bear -🐻‍❄️

Ink -🖌️

Izabella -✨

Jayce -🎊

Jaye -🦖

Jeff -🔪

Jelly -🍇

Jester -🃏

Joseph -✝️

Kai -💥

Kale -🐙

Kankri -♋

Keeta -🐕

König -👑

Kylar -💻

Lane -🎉

Laughing Jack -🍭

Leo -🦁

Leopold -🐇

Lexi -🦊

Lillith -🎸

Louise -👤

Luna -🦄

Lynn -🧁

Lynx -💤

Mangle -⛓️‍💥

Mark -🎮

Masky -📹

Mettaton -🤖

Misty -👽

Mono -🐼

Montgomery -🐊

Moondrop -🌚

Nova/Noah -🌟

Pepper -🌶️

Percy -🦉

Pip -🍬

Price -💰

Pride -🐆

Rooney -🦘

Slender -📼

Soap -🧼

Sollux -♊

Springtrap -🔩

Squishy -🐾

Stella -🪐

Sunnydrop -🌞

Takoda -🦅

Tanner -🧜

Tif -🧚

Timmy -🧸

Timothy -💊

Toby -🪓

Torch -🌋

Tristan -🍀

Fell Sans -🧨

Swap Sans -🫐

Classic Sans -🦴

Venus -🛸

Vincent -💜

Wolfe -🐺

Xerxes -🐭

#osdd system #blog intro #mental illness #read my dni #read dni #introduction #introductory post #pinned post #pinned intro

[healthandwellnessblog7]

Nufarm CBD Gummies Reviews (Shocking Exposed) Nufarm CBD Gummies | Don’t Buy till You Read This

Depression, anxiety, chronic pain and inflammation are some of the common disorders affecting both elderly population and young generations. These are the chronic conditions that affect the productivity and restrict the motor functioning of people. There are remedies and OTC drugs that can negatively impact the overall wellbeing and hence people must be selective when choosing remedies for such chronic conditions.

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Nufarm CBD Gummies are the most effective remedies to promote natural healing and lead a fuller and healthier lifestyle. These oral gummies are enriched with a compound called Cannabidiol which is organically sourced from cannabis plants. The extract is enriched with multiple therapeutic properties that nourish the wellbeing and promote healing without making you high.

Product Overview!

Product Category – CBD Gummies for Pain and Inflammation Relieve

Product Type – Oral Gel Capsules

Servings – 30 Capsules per Bottle (300MG)

Benefits – Prevent strokes, help quitting smoking, prevents symptoms of depression and anxiety, promotes pain relief, enhance mental wellbeing, prevents insomnia and enhance skin health.

Ingredients – CBD Extract, Hemp Extract, Black Pepper, Rosemary, Eucalyptus, Coconut Oil, Fruit Flavoring

Dosing – One Gummy Daily in the Morning

Pricing - $64.99

Guarantee – 30-Day Money-Back Guarantee

Where to Buy – Official Website

Nufarm CBD Gummies are the highly effective and nourishing remedies that can promote a better wellbeing without causing any adverse effects. These gummies are labelled as the acute treatment for chronic disorders and the powerful hemp integrated in the gummies ensure to target the root cause of choric conditions and promote healing. The gummies are known for offering multiple health benefits including lowering anxiety and stress, promoting calming effects, hindering inflammatory conditions and pain, enhancing sleep cycles and promoting overall wellbeing. Since it is formulated naturally, it won’t cause any adverse effects.

About Nufarm CBD Gummies

Nufarm CBD Gummies are specifically formulated to provide natural and efficient relief from chronic pain and anxiety. These gummies contain a natural extract of CBD that effectively addresses pain and persistent discomfort throughout the body, enabling you to enjoy a lifestyle free from pain. Crafted from a potent combination of herbs and clinically recognized ingredients, these gummies naturally enhance your well-being, aiding in improved performance and promoting restful sleep by soothing both your mind and body. Additionally, this supplement alleviates joint pain and effectively treats headaches.

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Nufarm CBD Gummies prioritize the enhancement of your overall well-being, both internally and externally, while facilitating a state of relaxation for improved health. Additionally, these gummies effectively address issues of depression and anxiety by promoting a calm mind and body, fostering healthy patterns of mood. They also support deep and restful sleep during nighttime and aid in naturally regulating your body's functions. Importantly, the formula ensures healthy outcomes without compromising your well-being.

What is Nufarm CBD Gummies?

Nufarm CBD Gummies is a natural and effective pain relief agent designed for people suffering from chronic pain and anxiety. It is the natural CBD extract that helps in treating pain and chronic aches and pains all over the body, giving you a pain-free lifestyle. Gummies are made from a powerful blend of herbs and clinically recognized substances that naturally help you improve your performance and promote sound sleep by relaxing your mind and body. The supplement reduces joint pain and treats headaches as well.

Nufarm CBD Gummies even focus on improving your internal and external well-being and promoting relaxation so that you are healthier.   In addition, it also treats depression and anxiety and relaxes the mind and body to achieve healthy mood patterns. It also promotes deep sleep cycles at night and helps regulate your body’s functions naturally. The formula helps you achieve healthy results without endangering your well-being.

How Do These CBD Gummies Effective on Pain?

Nufarm CBD Gummies are made from a proven blend of clinically approved herbs and substances that work together to promote faster, healthier healing. The supplement works by activating the CB1 and CB2 receptors in your body and helps to positively regulate the ECS system. It helps control your body's key functions, including sleep patterns, eating habits, pain management, and even your mental well-being. As a result, you have a healthy lifestyle with a well-functioning mind and body. The supplement will even help you respond better to inflammation.

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Nufarm CBD Gummies & Nufarm CBD Gummies Reviews also work to trigger your body's anti-inflammatory responses and help relieve chronic pain throughout your body.   Minimizes headaches and migraines and treats inflammation-related joint pain. The supplement even relaxes your body and mind and helps you relax more quickly. As a result, you will enjoy deep and healthy sleep cycles at night.

Ingredients utilized in the preparation:

Hemp Seed Gummies: Helps relieve pain and bring a new way of life and rejuvenation to every joint in the body

Spirulina: The quickest way to end infectious pain is with this pure and green herb called Spirulina.

Turmeric: The suppression of bacterial effects on the joints is known for turmeric and also enables faster healing

Clove extract: Best against toxic causes and body fever due to unbearable electrical pain.

Feverfew: Keeps you away from inflammation, and stress, and maintaining difficulty in movement is the task for which feverfew is included

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Nufarm CBD Gummies provide a multitude of benefits, and it is advisable to consume them as recommended by your healthcare professional. These gummies are recognized for their positive impact on the body.

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Helps in reducing pain and aches across body

Provides natural relief from chronic pain and inflammatory conditions

Alleviates depression, anxiety and stress

Enhances the mental clarity and optimizes focus levels

Optimizes the joint and bone wellbeing and lubricates the joints for mobility

Strengthens immune system to make the defense system stronger

Helps the users to quit smoking

Enhances the digestive and heart wellbeing

Promotes sound and healthy sleep cycles

Treats the root cause of chronic conditions

Rejuvenates and replenishes your skin health and reverses premature aging

What is the Dosing of Nufarm CBD Gummies?

According to the official website and instructions on the label, consumers are required to take one gummy daily in the morning. Consumers have to take the doses regularly with water without surpassing the doses. Consumers need to take it daily for at least 2-3 months to achieve satisfying results.

Doctors will prescribe the right dosing of the formula depending upon severity of the condition and age. Don’t surpass the doses as it can cause negative effects.

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Where to Order Nufarm CBD Gummies?

The official website is the right place from where buyers can order the monthly supply of Nufarm CBD Gummies.

Conclusion.

Nufarm CBD Gummies use a practical and satisfying means to experience the prospective benefits of CBD. With their premium CBD extract, full-spectrum solution, organic ingredients, as well as lab-tested top quality, Nufarm CBD Gummies offer a trusted option for people seeking natural relief for pain, anxiousness, rest concerns, and overall well-being. By incorporating Nufarm CBD Gummies right into your daily routine, you can check out the prospective benefits of CBD and also take pleasure in a much more balanced and healthier lifestyle.

[clinicalaromatherapy]

What You Should Know About Clinical Aromatherapy

Clinical Aromatherapy, often known as essential oil treatment, refers to a group of traditional, alternative, and complementary therapies that make use of essential oils and other aromatic plant chemicals.

What exactly are essential oils?

Different oils have variety of applications and effects.

•             Basil essential oil is used to improve attention and reduce depression symptoms. It could help with headaches and migraines. It is not recommended during pregnancy.

•             Bergamot essential oil is considered to be beneficial to the urinary tract and digestive tract. It may help treat skin problems caused by stress and chicken pox when mixed with eucalyptus oil.

•             Black pepper essential oil is often used to stimulate circulation, relieve muscle aches and pains, and treat bruises. It is used to relieve arthritis pain and increase flexibility when used with ginger essential oil.

•             Eczema can be treated with Camomile essential oil.

•             Citronella essential oil, which is related to lemongrass, is an insect repellant.

•             Clove essential oil is a topical analgesic (pain reliever) that is often used to treat toothaches. It is also used as an antispasmodic antiemetic to avoid vomiting and nausea, as well as a carminative to prevent gas in the digestive tract. It is antibacterial, antioxidant, and antifungal.

•             Eucalyptus essential oil can help clear the airways during cold or the flu,. It's frequently paired with peppermint. Exercise cautious because many people are allergic to eucalyptus.

•             Geranium essential oil can be used to treat skin ailments, relieve stress, and repel mosquitos.

•             Aphrodisiac properties are attributed to jasmine essential oil. While scientific proof is sparse, studies has revealed that jasmine odour boosts beta waves, which are associated with alertness. It may improve penile blood flow as a stimulant.

•             Lavender essential oil is used to treat small cuts and burns, as well as to promote relaxation and sleep. It is supposed to help with headaches and migraines.

•             Lemon essential oil is known to boost mood and alleviate the symptoms of stress and despair.

•             Rosemary essential oil may aid with hair development, memory enhancement, muscle spasm prevention, and circulatory and nervous system support.

•             Some people believe that sandalwood essential oil has aphrodisiac properties.

•             Tea tree essential oil has antibacterial, antiseptic, and disinfecting properties, according to Trusted Source. It is often used to cure acne, burns, and bites in shampoos and skin care products. It is used in mouthwashes, however it should never be consumed because it is hazardous.

•             Thyme essential oil is thought to alleviate weariness, uneasiness, and stress.

•             Yarrow essential oil is used to treat cold and flu symptoms as well as to help reduce joint inflammation.

Massage oil is combined with a "carrier oil," which dilutes the oil and provides lubrication.

Visiting an Clinical aromatherapist

A detailed medical history, as well as a lifestyle, nutrition, and current health history, should be collected by the Clinical aromatherapist.

Aromatherapy takes a comprehensive approach to treating the full individual. The treatments will be tailored to the individual's physical and emotional requirements. The Clinical aromatherapist may prescribe a single oil or a blend based on these requirements.

The practitioner may propose a single oil or a combination based on the patient's needs and preferences.

Visit here for more

#clinicalaromatherapy #clinicalaromatherapycertification #certifiedclinicalaromatherapist #clinicalaromatherapybook #clinicalaromatherapytraining #clinicalaromatherapycoursessingapore #singaporeclinicalaromatherapycourses #nahaaromatherapysingapore #singaporeclinicalaromatherapycourse #nahaaromatherapy #nahaaromatherapycertificationonline #nahaaromatherapycertification #nahacertifiedlevel1aromatherapist #clinicalaromatherapycoursesonline

[michelemoorono]

Is Turmeric Extract as well as CBD Oil Good For You?

The CBD trend regarding the globe has blown up and also resembling by millions and the top 1% are trying to use their money as well as also power to deny the currently been oppressed substance. The late 1800's extremely early 1900's it went to the center of numerous cure-all blends up till the development of modern-day controlled, as well as solely monetized Pharmaceuticals.

Merely prior to the all brand-new CBD change there has actually been other plant based substances with lots of comparable health organization's being marked off for its performance by leading Clinical Researchers.

Maybe you have actually listened to stories concerning Turmeric extract and also it's phytochemical "curcuminoids" as a growing number of research study studies in addition to reviews are revealed.

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Top 13 Enhanced Advantages Of Turmeric And Also CBD With Each Other

When taken with each other, CBD oil and turmeric supply an effective convenience from pain alleviation. Turmeric essence is hardly ever taken as a pain-killer on its own since till recent times, most recent turmeric study can contrast it to Ibuprofen. Turmeric has really been located it in-fact has some exceptional all-natural pain alleviating residential properties.

When integrated with CBD which is a terrific chronic discomfort alleviation, the cannabinoids improve its influence, turmeric curcuminoids wind up being a fantastic anti-inflammatory painkiller.

On skin, turmeric remove along with CBD oil can function wonderful on acne. While turmeric extract eliminates germs as well as fungus, CBD oil aids to regulate sebum production and also both fight inflammation.

Because both products are furthermore truly relaxing, they function remarkable on various other skin disease like dermatitis or psoriasis. As a consisted of advantage, CBD oil makes turmeric extract a great deal simpler to use on skin.

CBD oil as well as likewise Turmeric extract can likewise be utilized to provide reduction for people experiencing skin cancer cells. The resulting cream is soothing and can absolutely soothe itching, scent and pain.

Taken with each other, turmeric and also CBD oil help to minimized high blood pressure dramatically.

Turmeric essence and likewise CBD have both been exposed to help fight several cancers cells.

Marijuana Could Offer Relief From Migraine Pain

Incorporate them together as well as you get an efficient mix that can be thought about effective in quiting cancer cells.

As scientists start discussing inflammation as a possible factor for clinical depression, mixing an anti-inflammatory product with neural restorative homes it is understood for its antidepressant, which makes the resulting item excellent at combating depression normally.

CBD oil and also turmeric taken with each other is an outstanding immunity-booster due to its anti-inflammatory homes.

For anyone with food digestion concerns, combining turmeric and likewise CBD is a fantastic method to ease your digestion in addition to conserve on your own some pain.

They enhance each various other and also deal remedy for discomfort and also discomfort.

Taking CBD with turmeric can lower your cholesterol, aiding you protect against heart troubles.

What Makes CBD Oil and Turmeric Extract a Powerful Supplement

One Of The Most Famous Reality in making a marital connection with Turmeric extract as well as CBD oil making use of a Uniting Agent that has the emphasis of making it both used right into your body, yet similarly the activity Or Reach to more places, is the Priest being from a material in black pepper.

With a reputable supplement a collection of innovative removals are carried out to provide increased purity of the certain chemical substances from each plant having a higher level of nutrients that have the substantial health effect.

Marijuana, Hemp, CBD Oil: What’s Legal and Where

Integrated Cannabinoids, Curcuminoids and additionally Bioperine is a Trinity that pushes each other to their ideal impact. A reliable supply like uncovered from this Turmeric as well as CBD Oil Evaluation you can expect to it to accomplish what it promises, as like what you see from a company like Prosper Wellness who will definitely offer their supplement with a 100% Money Back Guarantee.

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Cacao Bliss Chocolate, Benefits, Uses, side effects & Where to Buy Online

000Raw cacao is the main ingredient in Cacao Bliss, which is a superfood supplement. Some of the benefits that people say it has are less anxiety, a better mood, fewer sugar cravings, and more energy.

What is in Cacao Bliss?

Cacao Bliss is a mix of healthy ingredients that have been shown to be good for you by science. Some of these ingredients are raw cacao, turmeric, black pepper, MCT oil, and cinnamon. The most important part of this superfood is raw cacao, which in ancient American cultures was known as the "healing food" because it had so many health benefits. Raw cacao was also called "divine" and "magical food" because it made people healthy and helped them live longer. Today, scientific research has found out what Cacao Bliss is perfect for, and it is seen as one of the rarest superfoods in nature. It is full of flavonoids, antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals. Raw cacao is also in traditional dark brown chocolate, but its real potential is lost when it is processed. Danette May, the host of Cacao Bliss, did a lot of hard work and research to find out what raw cacao can really do. She also went to Brazil and Peru to learn how raw cacao had been processed in the past. This very important organic ingredient is in Cacao Bliss in its purest form. Cacao Bliss is made using the same methods used by ancient cultures. This keeps the main parts of raw cacao intact. So that this organic superfood would work even better, she looked into other similar superfoods and added them to the Cacao Bliss recipe. This is why most of the people in the U.S. and Canada liked her product, and why the graph of its polarity is getting higher as time goes on. People who loved the sweetness, smell, and taste of regular chocolate were especially impressed by Cacao Bliss.

What are the Benefits of Cacao Bliss?

Cacao Bliss has a lot of "bliss molecules," which raise serotonin levels in the brain and make mood swings less likely. Cacao powder has antioxidants that reduce inflammation and help people age in a healthy way. In the same way, minerals and vitamins can help diseases of the skin, teeth, and heart.

What are the Side Effects of Cacao Bliss?

See if you are looking only for benefits in a thing that is not possible anymore. If a good contains 90 benefits then definitely that will contain 5 side effects on our body. That's why keep in mind that cocoa has chemicals like caffeine in it. If you eat a lot, caffeine could make you nervous, make you urinate more, keep you from sleeping, or make your heart beat fast. Cocoa can cause skin reactions in people who are allergic to it, and it may also cause migraine headaches.

Who invented this superfood supplement?

Cacao Bliss, which was invented by Danette May, gives them a healthy way to get the same taste and feel they're used to. This chocolatey supplement to their diet also lets them make any healthy dessert they want. It helps them stick to foods that keep them from gaining weight, stop cravings, deal with anxiety and depression, sleep better, and stay active and fresh all day.

Why Use Cacao Bliss Instead of Chocolate?

People often eat chocolate, and it's far more enjoyable than any other dessert. We all know that chocolate has a lot of creams, powdered milk, vanilla, and sugar. Chocolate lovers may have serious health problems because of these ingredients. But doctors' warnings don't always work. Most of us can't stay away from the sweet or spicy taste of chocolate. Cacao bliss original is the best thing to do in this situation. It doesn't have any harmful ingredients and is made in a way that keeps the natural power of cacao beans from going to waste. Minerals, nutrients, and natural sugar are added to this Cacao chocolate to make it safe and healthy. Clinic tests have shown that Cacao bliss is good for your health. Cacao bliss original is made with the real power of organic raw cacao, which has many health benefits. It gives you the best form of chocolate, which is full of energy and is clinically safe to help your body do many things. Cacao Bliss lets you enjoy chocolate without worrying about gaining weight. It's such a magical superfood that has no side effects at all. Instead, this amazing chocolate is nourishing and helps the body fight off so many health problems.

Don't Feel Bad About Chocolate?

It's not mean that you shouldn't eat chocolate at any cost. There are lots of Healthy Indulgences for Chocolate Cravings like these: - Relieves stress - Boosts energy level - Boosts metabolism - Trims your waistline - Delicious and healthy - Prepared following a natural process - Packed with nutrients & antioxidants - Combats the effects of aging - Absolutely free from all health risks - Balances blood sugar - Improves blood circulation - Supports the detoxification process Every part of the world has people who like to eat chocolate. People all over the world have enjoyed chocolate in many different ways for a long time. One of the oldest examples is tejate, a pre-Hispanic drink made with cacao seeds as the main ingredient. People like to eat chocolate because it makes endorphins in their bodies, which make them feel good and relieve pain. This feeling doesn't happen very often when we eat other foods, but it's very strong when we eat chocolate. This is how the term "chocogasm" came to be used today.

How Many People Eat Chocolate From All Over the World?

So many people want chocolate that math shows that 3 million tonnes of chocolate are eaten every year in the world. And the number of people who want it keeps going up in almost every part of the world. Cacao powder, Cacao butter, chocolate bars, chocolate pudding, cookies, and cakes are all ways to eat chocolate. The main ingredient in chocolate is the cacao bean. Theobroma Cacao seeds are dried and fermented all the way through. They are then processed to get cacao solids and cacao butter, which are the main ingredients in chocolate. Sugar, vanilla, and lecithin make up the other parts.

What are the side effects of Cacao Beans?

Some people thought that eating black chocolate, which is high in calories, was a bit risky for your health, especially if you are overweight or tend to gain weight. Even scarier were some medical opinions. They say that eating chocolate causes feeling full, heart disease, high blood pressure, and preeclampsia problems in pregnant women. Some studies have even linked migraines to tyramine, histamine, and phenylalanine in cacao beans. Cadmium and lead, which are also found in cacao, could be bad for your kidneys and bones. Where to buy cacao bliss? If you want to buy cacao then first try in super Market around you, because you would be able to find out the best here for you. Or you can also order in online from Amazon. And It will be delivered to your door. Where to buy cacao bliss in Canada? You can buy it in Canada from Ubuy ships products from Cacao Bliss to Canada. Ubuy ships its goods from 7 international warehouses in places like the United Kingdom, the United States, China, etc. Where to buy cacao bliss in Australia? You can buy it in Australia from Amazon. It will ship products from Cacao Bliss to Australia. Amazon ships its goods within 5 international working days. Does cacao bliss really work? Yes, it is really working and giving amazing results to the people. Because Raw cacao is the main ingredient in Cacao Bliss, which is a superfood supplement. Some of the benefits that people say it has are less anxiety, a better mood, fewer sugar cravings, and more energy. Why is cacao bliss so expensive? It is a bit expensive due to its ingredients because it is made in a very organic way and there are very less uses of chemical in it that's why. Here are some good posts for YOU: About Pregnancy Symptoms | Instagram story viewer | Publix Passport Read the full article

#cacaoblisssideeffects #cacaoblisswebsite #wheretobuycacaobliss

[my1232]

Top 5 Vitamins & Minerals with Mood-Boosting Qualities

Your mental health matters because May is Mental Health Awareness Month. The manner w Your mental health matters because May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Every area of our lives is influenced by how we feel on a daily basis. Since the epidemic, depression rates in the United States have tripled, and they are still rising as a result of the ongoing war in Europe. Even though there may be a lot of chaos going on around us, whether in the world or in our own lives, it’s crucial to maintain perspective.

Many circumstances, such as emotional trauma, grief, or simply continuous stress, might make it difficult for you to regain control of your emotions at times. This can leave you feeling hopeless and reluctant to seek treatment. There is nothing to be ashamed of if you or someone you know is in this situation. Everyone occasionally needs a helping hand, and asking for assistance is a noble action.

This article will help and provide information on 5 vitamins that enhance mood and feelings of wellbeing.

Vitamin D

Vitamin D, also known as the sunshine vitamin, is readily absorbed via the skin on lovely bright days. The immune system and bones benefit greatly from it, and it also does wonders for your attitude. In some cases, depression and S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) have been connected to deficiencies in this fat-soluble vitamin.

Studies on the relationship between vitamin D and depression have found that many patients with clinical depression do indeed have low levels of vitamin D. The joyful neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin are released when blood-related genes are activated, which is how it works! Taking vitamin D supplements has a significant positive impact on mood, especially during the winter. Consult your doctor about your personal dose needs and spend money on a high-quality vitamin D supplement.

Omega 3

Since Omega 3 cannot be generated by the body, it is referred to as an essential fatty acid. Lack of it has been associated to inflammation, impaired cognitive function, and unbalanced moods; it must be supplied from food or supplementation. Due to research on its anti-inflammatory benefits in the treatment of mood disorders, omega 3 is a fantastic vitamin for mood enhancement. According to the study, omega 3 penetrates the blood-brain barrier and interacts with the brain’s molecules that regulate mood, which aids in mood stabilisation. Its effectiveness in combating various mood disorders, such as postpartum depression, bipolar disorder, and attention deficit disorder, has also been investigated (ADD). The powerful fish oil Noor’s Omega Ultra provides a high-quality source of omega 3. Other sources include freshwater fish, avocados, nuts, and flaxseeds.

Vitamin C

Did you know that depression and exhaustion are signs of a vitamin C deficiency? Although the presence of this well-known vitamin in the body has an impact on our feelings, it is not typically associated with mood disorders. One of the finest vitamins for anxiety, according to studies, is vitamin C, and since it is widely available, we may easily prevent insufficiency. Noor’s Vitamin C is a tasty chewable tablet with orange flavour that contains 500mg of this antioxidant. Citrus fruits, strawberries, mangoes, sweet peppers, and kale are some foods high in vitamin C.

Zinc

Zinc, a mineral that is sometimes ignored, is essential for the health of the male reproductive system, smooth skin, and, most importantly, the mind. It is essential for proper neurological function, and those who experience sadness or even insanity frequently show signs of insufficiency. According to studies, zinc deficiency is a major factor in the development of mental disorders, and supplementation is recommended for people with impaired absorption, dietary deficiencies, or excessive alcohol intake. Red meat, chicken, shellfish, pumpkin seeds, sea moss, and dairy products are examples of food sources.

Magnesium

Mineral magnesium is soothing. It eases bodily spasms and headaches by calming the muscles in the body. More crucially, magnesium is essential for the central nervous system’s proper operation. Studies have demonstrated the value of magnesium in treating neurological and mental conditions. Due to its numerous advantageous interactions with brain function, especially neuron health, magnesium is thought to have an antidepressant impact. It is a typical mineral that may be obtained in a variety of forms, including powder, liquid, and capsules. Leafy greens, nuts and seeds, avocados, and legumes are foods that are high in this mineral.

Dealing with Stress

Not all stress is negative. Stress might accumulate as you get closer to your wedding day or as you get ready for a significant meeting that could impact your life forever. On the other hand, you can be going through a breakup or be under the burden of overwhelming debt. Whatever kind of stress you’re under, the biological effects are the same. The neurological system and adrenal glands become more vulnerable to chronic stress and anxiety. It might result in gastrointestinal problems, high blood pressure, diabetes, as well as acute exhaustion, worry, and dejection. Overall mood and emotions of well-being can significantly improve when mood-enhancing vitamins are combined with efficient stress management and relaxation strategies.

Conclusion

In conclusion, your mood today need not be the same as your mood tomorrow. It’s common for us all to have bad, sad, or even dismal days. We should be mindful of the consequences of persistent stress, anxiety, or depression without seeking treatment. In particular, depression should not be disregarded, and immediate attention should be given to vitamins that might help treat depression. As emotional distress can result in significant exhaustion and lethargy, energy levels should also be taken into consideration.

As it affects what we eat, how motivated we are, and the potentially life-altering decisions we have to make, the state of our mind has an indirect impact on the state of our body. The secret to leading a healthy and happy life is to take vitamins to elevate mood, work out to de-stress, and consult a therapist to address old trauma.

You cannot applaud your own story

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[homelo]

13 Home Remedies for a Dry Cough

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Medically reviewed by J. Keith Fisher, MD — Written by Corey Whelan on September 23, 2019

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A dry cough is also called an unproductive cough. Unlike productive, wet coughs, dry coughs are unable to remove mucus, phlegm, or irritants from your lungs or nasal passages.

Dry coughs can linger for weeks after you’ve had a cold or the flu. They may also be caused by a number of conditions, such as:

postnasal drip

asthma

acid reflux or GERD

They may also be a long-lasting side effect from exposure to environmental toxins, such as cigarette smoke.

Dry coughs can be very uncomfortable and may occur in both children and adults. There are a number of clinical treatments you can use to alleviate them, but there are also at-home remedies which can be just as effective in many cases.

Herbs and supplements

At-home remedies for dry cough aren’t one-size-fits-all. You may have to experiment with several before you find the ones that work for you.

In addition, not all of these remedies have been fully researched and proven to be effective. Some treatments are also inappropriate for babies or children.

1. Honey

For adults and children ages 1 and up, honey can be used to treat day and nighttime dry coughing.

Honey has antibacterial properties and can also help to coat the throat, alleviating irritation.

One study in 2007Trusted Source found that honey was more successful than dextromethorphan, a cough suppressant ingredient, for reducing nagging bouts of nighttime coughing in children.

You can try taking honey by the teaspoon several times daily, or add it to tea or warm water to drink.

To avoid infant botulism, a rare complication which can occur in infants, never give honey to a child under 1 year old.

2. Turmeric

Turmeric contains curcumin, a compound which may have anti-inflammatory, antiviral, and antibacterial properties. It may also be beneficial for several conditions, including a dry cough.

Curcumin is best absorbed into the blood stream when taken with black pepper. You can add 1 teaspoon of turmeric and 1/8 teaspoon of black pepper into a beverage, such as cold orange juice, to drink. You can also make it into a warm tea.

Turmeric has been usedTrusted Source to treat upper respiratory conditions, bronchitis, and asthma in Ayurvedic medicine for centuries.

You can get turmeric in its spice-form, as well as a capsule.

3. Ginger

Ginger has antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties. It has also been shownTrusted Source to boost the immune system and relieve pain and discomfort.

Ginger can be found in many teas as an ingredient. You can also make ginger tea from ginger root by steeping the peeled or cut root in warm water. Adding honey may make it even more beneficial for dry cough.

You can also take ginger in capsule form, or chew on ginger root to alleviate dry cough.

4. Marshmallow root

Marshmallow root is a type of herb. It’s used in cough syrup and in lozenges to soothe dry cough.

A survey-based studyTrusted Source found that it’s an effective treatment for soothing the throat and reducing the irritation caused by dry cough.

Marshmallow root may also have antibacterial properties.

5. Peppermint

Peppermint contains menthol, which helps to numb nerve endings in the throat that become irritated by coughing. This may provide pain relief and reduce the urge to cough.

Peppermint also helps reduce congestion, plus, it’s been foundTrusted Source to have antibacterial and antiviral qualities.

There are a number of ways to take peppermint. These include drinking peppermint tea or sucking on peppermint lozenges. Try drinking peppermint tea right before bed to help alleviate nighttime coughs.

You can also use peppermint essential oil as an aromatherapy treatment.

6. Masala chai tea

The taste of chai tea has become very popular in the United States in recent years. In India, chai is used to treat conditions such as sore throat and dry cough.

Masala chai contains several antioxidant ingredients, including cloves and cardamom. Cloves may also be effective as an expectorant.

Chai tea also contains cinnamon, which has anti-inflammatory properties.

7. Capsaicin

Capsaicin, a compound found in chili peppers, has been shownTrusted Source to reduce chronic coughing.

While capsaicin can be taken as a capsule, you can also make tea from cayenne pepper hot sauce and warm water.

Cayenne is a type of chili pepper. Add drops of cayenne hot sauce into the water, tasting as you go, so you don’t exceed your threshold for how much heat you can handle. You can also buy chili peppers whole and steep them in warm water.

Capsaicin-based treatments aren’t recommended for children.

Other home remedies to try

8. Aromatherapy with eucalyptus

Aromatherapy is the practice of using essential oils to soothe and heal.

Eucalyptus essential oil may help ease dry cough by working as a decongestant. Try adding eucalyptus to a diffuser, spritzer, or inhaler. You can also add a few drops to hot water in a bowl and inhale the steam.

Scenting your room with eucalyptus may help you get a better night’s sleep if nighttime coughing has been keeping you awake.

9. Use a humidifier

Dry air can aggravate a dry cough. Humidifiers put moisture into the air, which can provide relief.

Humidifiers help open up the sinuses, making them beneficial for nagging postnasal drip.

If your home has dry air, run a humidifier in your bedroom to help reduce dry cough during sleep.

10. Use an air purifier

Air purifiers can help rid your home of airborne irritants, such as dust and smoke. They also reduce allergens, such as pet dander and pollen.

Whether your cough is caused by environmental toxins or an underlying condition, breathing in clean air can help reduce throat irritation and the desire to cough.

11. Gargle with salt water

Gargling with warm salt water will help ease the discomfort and irritation caused by a dry cough. Salt water also helps kill bacteria in the mouth and throat.

To do this, dissolve 1 teaspoon of table salt in a large glass of warm water. Then gargle several times a day.

This dry cough remedy isn’t recommended for young children, who might swallow the salt water.

If you wake up with an irritated throat from coughing during the night, gargle with salt water immediately after brushing your teeth to help numb and soothe the nerve endings in your throat.

12. Antitussive cough syrup

Antitussive cough medications work by diminishing the cough reflex. This alleviates the desire to cough, making them especially beneficial for dry coughs.

Some antitussives contain codeine and are available by prescription only. Others are available over the counter. These typically contain active ingredients, such as dextromethorphan, camphor, or menthol.

13. Cough drops

Cough drops are medicated lozenges designed to lubricate and soothe irritated throat tissues. Their ingredients vary and so do their actions.

Some cough drops contain menthol, which acts as a numbing agent to reduce the urge to cough. You can also find cough drops that contain ginger or eucalyptus.

Where to buy these home remedies

Many of the home remedies above — like honey or salt for rinses — are already in your cupboard at home, but others you may still need to buy. We’ve got you covered with the links below.

Herbs and teas

turmeric

ginger

marshmallow root

peppermint tea

masala chai

Supplements

turmeric

ginger

capsaicin capsule

Essential oils

peppermint oil

eucalyptus oil

Home products

humidifier

air purifier

Other remedies

peppermint lozenges

cough drops

antitussive cough syrup

cayenne hot sauce

When to see a doctor

Dry coughs can last for months and may be exhausting as well as disruptive.

Dry coughs usually stop on their own. However, if your cough is accompanied by other symptoms, see your doctor. These include:

trouble breathing or catching your breath

wheezing

chest pain

back pain

fever

chills

Also see your doctor if your cough worsens or doesn’t dissipate completely in 2 months.

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The bottom line

Dry cough can be both long-lasting with numerous causes. But there are several highly effective at-home treatments, which can alleviate your cough.

If your cough worsens over time or doesn’t go away within 2 months, see your doctor.

Read this article in Spanish.

Last medically reviewed on September 23, 2019

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How Serotonin as well as Dopamine

dopamine vs serotonin

Benefit the Mind If you have actually ever before questioned exactly how serotonin as well as dopamine profit the mind, kept reading. The two substances control the sleep-wake cycle as well as are important for the upkeep of a healthy and balanced state of mind. You might require a little extra support for these natural muscle relaxers to assist control them. Right here are some nutrients to aid. These chemicals are located in the human brain as well as can be advantageous in a variety of various locations of the body. Many typical foods are valuable in enhancing dopamine as well as serotonin levels. A current research published on the planet Journal of Psychiatry pinpointed a number of nutrients that can assist deal with depressive conditions. 

These consist of leafy environment-friendlies, cruciferous veggies, and peppers. Pet healthy protein resources, such as organ meat, received high scores as well. Taking mind supplements has a number of advantages. Try one out today. These compounds manage your state of mind, sleep, cravings, memory, and cravings. When degrees of these 2 substances are reduced, they can influence lots of vital physical features. Serotonin is generated in the digestive tract, which produces 90% of the human body's serotonin. Consuming and also relocating food through the digestion system release serotonin, while blood platelets launch serotonin to help wounds recover. If you suffer from clinical depression, these chemicals might be a huge part of your treatment plan. You can treat it with medications or via way of living adjustments.

 Psychiatrists recommend that people take serotonin supplements as part of their treatment strategy. However, some people experience a depressive episode regardless of the therapy they have actually obtained. Nevertheless, you must recognize the prospective threats associated with taking excessive of these drugs. If you're wondering what happens when serotonin levels are as well low, you need to understand what triggers the effects. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that functions to raise dopamine. This implies that it is necessary to have adequate quantities of both to feel happy. But do you need to bear in mind that too much quantities of serotonin can have adverse results on your psychological and also physical health. Learn more about dopamine vs serotonin as natural muscle relaxer.

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The central nerves obtains a considerable portion of serotonin, including the core accumbens, which becomes part of the benefit circuit. Scientists think that the mind's serotonin and also dopamine degrees are necessary for the body's metabolic rate. Although the advantages of serotonin and dopamine are extensively recognized, it is not totally recognized exactly how dopamine impacts the body. Although the function of dopamine in digestion is not totally comprehended, it is thought to control insulin degrees as well as motion of the small and also large intestinal tract. Furthermore, it may safeguard the mucosal lining of the digestive system tract, consequently helping to stop peptic ulcers. Check out this post for more details related to this article:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin.

[tamatosss]

A little reference for Violette! It’s very vague and honestly a mess, but it should get my points across!

Sorry if there are any grammatical errors or contradictory info

Name: Violette Marianne Fischer

Gender, sexuality, pronouns: cis female, bisexual, she/her

Age, birthday: 26 (as of year 1), winter 28

Loved items: complete breakfast, poppyseed muffin, ginger ale, coffee, chowder

Hated items: cherry, hot pepper, spicy eel, pepper popper

Partner: Harvey (husband)

Friends: Willy, Leah, Sebastian, Maru, Emily

Appearance: 5’4”. dark brown, chin-length hair. Olive, freckled skin. Green eyes

Character: Violette is an absent minded, nervous little ball of anxiety. She has a kind heart and tries her best to not be a burden on others. Once she breaks out of her timid shell, Violette is a giggly, energetic nerd who can find enjoyment in the most mundane things

Brief Background:

Violette lived in Zuzu city for almost her entire life with her big brother James, grandpa Lloyd, and her childhood friend Stella. James was an ambitious, happy-go-lucky guy. Despite being a trouble maker, he was beloved by many. Lloyd was like James but… old. Stella was witty and outgoing, but she had a rotten attitude that left a bitter impression on people

When Violette was 12, Lloyd’s health started to decline. At some point, he gave a letter to the siblings (You know. The letter). Lloyd passed away from illness 8 years later

Violette graduated University with a degree in architecture. Unfortunately, not much came of it. Violette and Stella found work with Joja together (yay finance buddies, what can go wrong?). Violette initially found her job tolerable, but it devolved to disdain. She kept pushing through hoping things will work out

When Violette was 24 James passed away in an accident. He was 29

Violette fell into a depressive headspace. She felt so exhausted she could barely get anything done. Public spaces, social events, even the traffic of the streets made her incredibly anxious and sick

Violette and Stella drifted apart. The two ended on rough terms

Violette, 26, remembered Lloyd’s letter, quits her job and leaves for his abandoned farm, unkempt ever since he moved to the city 23 years ago

Relationships:

Harvey: Violette tried to avoid the clinic as much as she could because hospitals stress her out. This idea quickly fell apart as she kept injuring herself due to her work

For the first little while the two had more moments of awkward silences than conversation. Violette never knew what to say to Harvey while Harvey didn’t want to press for personal stuff where it wasn’t his business

He stressed Violette to be more cautious due to how often she needed medical attention. Harvey was very patient, calm, and easygoing around her, alleviating some of the nerves she had around him after some time. Her dropping by the clinic became almost routine for them

Violette started to make gifts for him. It was a little way for her to show off her gratitude towards him (also because she felt terrible for making him worry all the time)

“I'd like to get to know you better. Let's put aside our doctor-patient relationship”. The two form a friendship even though they’re both a little too anxious for their own good

The two started spending time together outside of work. They surprisingly had a lot in common. Violette loved how easy he was to get along with. Harvey was glad to see her so lively and talkative knowing this stuff isn’t always easy for her. It was a big change from when they first interacted

Violette developed feelings for him (hell yeah)

Harvey had Violette on his mind a lot. Like he’d casually bring her up in conversations without realizing it (He’s not subtle at all). It’s been a long time since he had a serious relationship, he never considered it happening again at his current age. He’s having these lovey dovey feelings but is trying to rationalize them into anything other than romantic love

Harvey eventually had that “Oh.” moment where he realizes he is in fact, super in love with Violette

Pre-dating tension!!!

He confesses, they date. Violette proposes, they happily get married, and become the world’s lamest couple :)

Willy: Willy and Lloyd were very close friends and fishing partners back in the day. The two go way back to their childhoods

He remembers Violette from her youth. He welcomes her with open arms. The two end up catching up over lost time and reminisce on old memories

She sees a lot of her grandpa in Willy and finds comfort with him (emotional support fisherman!!!)

Willy is the 1st person in town Violette warms up to. She was relieved to see a familiar figure after many years

Seb, Emily, Maru, Leah: 🤷‍♀️

Random facts:

Her hobbies include reading, making crafts, interior design, whittling, building models, and napping… so much napping

She sucks at cooking and should never be allowed near a stove. The awful chef gene runs in her family

She can play the piano, harp, and guitar

She’s very clumsy and has a habit of misplacing things

She always wanted to be an architect

Her love languages are words of affirmation, and quality time

James was a shipwright. Lloyd was a carpenter and piano teacher before he owned the farm

She has a habit of putting her hand to her face when she’s nervous/deep in thought

Can’t believe this sat in my drafts unfinished for almost 2 months as of posting this oops

#my baby I love her so much #is this incoherent enough for you? #I went back and generalized everything so it’s hopefully shorter and more to-the-point #stardew valley #sdv #sdv fanart #stardew valley fanart #stardew valley farmer #sdv farmer #farmer violette #stardew valley oc

[strawwritesfic]

Peter Parker x Pregnant!Female!Stark!Reader: Where Gods Do Fear to Tread [Ch. 7]

Summary: The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, the best laid plans of teenagers even more so.

Challenge: “9 Months” challenge by crackleviolet on Lunaescence Archive -- Bonus Two -- Teenage Pregnancy

Rating/Warnings/Tags: T (sexual references; two underage people having consensual sex off the page; teenage pregnancy; family drama; mixed families; teenage cruelty; discussion of abortion; discussion of adoption; foul language; crude humor; postpartum depression; Stark!Reader; Lila & Reader friendship)

Pairings: Peter Parker x Female!Reader; Tony/Pepper; Happy/May; Steve/Bucky; Clint/Laura; past!Tony/Reader’s Mom

Tag List: @imaginesfire​, @plutoneu​

Master List

Chapter 7: Kicks

One of things no one ever said during the hundreds of “don’t have sex or you’ll die” lessons you had to endure from fifth grade onward was that death would be among the least horrible consequences of doing the deed. They told you about single parenthood, warned you about abortion clinics, and did their best to terrify you with horrible pictures of sexually transmitted diseases—but clearly none of that had worked. Maybe, just maybe, if they’d talked a little bit about the truth of pregnancy, you would have listened. Probably not, but maybe, because sixth months in held enough misery that you almost wished you had died instead.

Heartburn. Hot flashes. Leg cramps. Dizziness. All of these you endured in relative silence. Whining about them did you very little good anyway. Doing so usually earned you another lecture from your dad…or thorough reaming out from Pepper, who couldn’t really help being so ticked off when she was about three months ahead of you.

The back pain you found a lot harder to shut up about. You couldn’t spend all your time in a warm bath, not with school and homework and long meetings about what adoption meant and even longer lectures from Nick Fury of all people about the dangers of casually sleeping with Enhanced.

The uncomfortable hospital waiting room chairs didn’t really help matters. They had wooden arms on each side and a beige-ish back and cushion. You used the word “cushion” for want of a better term. No matter which one you tried to sit in, you couldn’t stay comfortable in it for more than a few minutes at time. By the time Pepper had been in labor for six hours, you’d tried nearly every chair in the room, much to the consternation of every other person crammed in there with you that warm May afternoon. Probably they wondered what an unsupervised, massively pregnant teenager was doing loitering in there instead of at a gynecologist’s office somewhere.

For the fifteenth time that day, you pulled your phone out of your backpack to check for messages to distract yourself with. None were there. Obviously. Your dad was in the room with Pepper; the rest of the Avengers were answering some important distress call over in Siberia; and it wasn’t like you had any friends that were going to check on you after you’d left school at around ten that morning.

“Sorry I’m late. Did I miss anything?”

You looked up in shock both at the voice and the feeling of the chair next to yours moving. Peter himself had plunked himself down there. Wide eyed, you looked around the room for May or Happy at least, but no one was there.

“Happy’s going to pick up Aunt May,” Peter explained. “They’ll be here soon.”

“Guess they figured there’s not much trouble we could get into at a hospital,” you said with a weak smile.

Sure enough, Peter’s sudden arrival had every eye on you again, nurse and visitor alike. You tried not to blush at the feeling of all those eyes on you. Their disapproval couldn’t make you unpregnant, no matter how convenient that might have been.

“Right. So? I wanted to get here sooner, but Aunt May said I had to finish school for the day.”

“It’s fine, Peter. Pepper’s still in labor. I think. Guess Dad might just have decided not to tell me. Probably wouldn’t my aura rubbing off on Morgan’s right out of the womb,” you said, a little bitterly. Your baby sister’s arrival would take a lot of pressure off of you, but you also desperately missed your dad’s affection. What if having a new daughter made him willing to send you away now?

Peter seemed to read your mind as he wrapped one arm around your shoulders. “Mr. Stark wouldn’t do that. He loves you.”

“Maybe he did for a little bit.” You gave yourself a firm shake before changing the subject. “So, you were at school. They finally let you back after you gave Flash that black eye?”

“It was just a quick suspension,” he said, like it didn’t matter at all.

But it did. Though no one had told you outright, you were pretty sure that your dad had pulled a lot of strings to keep Peter at that school after his fight. A large donation had likely been made to Midtown High.

Peter hadn’t even used his full strength on Flash. If he had, Flash would have been turned into little more than goo splattered across that Audi. Fighting at school was still fighting at school, though, and if he hadn’t been throwing punches to protect your honor, you shuddered to think where Peter would have ended up.

You gazed at him, trying to will those horrible, uncharacteristic tears away. He seemed to notice, as he kissed your temple before he took his arm off your back so he could hold your hand.

“How are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m okay. I’m not the one going into my seventh hour of labor.”

“Is that normal?”

“I think so.” Again, you shifted in your seat and found no relief in your newest position. “No one’s been all that keen on giving me details, though. Mostly a lot of talk about my poor decision making skills.”

He let out a small laugh. “Yeah. I got a little bit of that from Director Fury, too.”

“It’s not funny,” you said, swatting him lightly on the shoulder.

“No. I guess it’s not.”

His eyes fell where they’d been falling a lot lately: the place where your hands connected. You felt his fingers contract momentarily around yours. What he was thinking when he did this, you didn’t know. Finding out wasn’t high on your priority list either.

“Lila sent me a card, though,” you said. “That was nice of her. And when it’s Natasha’s turn to babysit, she mostly leaves me alone.”

“Oh yeah?” Peter said absently.

“Yeah. Happy’s been great, too. I know he acts like I’m an enormous burden, but I’m starting to think it’s only an act. He bought me a milkshake a few days ago…”

Without Peter’s eyes on you, you found it difficult to gauge whether or not he had heard a word you said. The rest of the waiting room had; no one else there was speaking—at least, not as fast or as loud as you were. He didn’t look up, however, not even when you trailed off into an uneasy silence yourself. It seemed to magnify all the other tiny sounds in the room: a nurse at a desk turned a paper; a phone somewhere in the back rang; one of your fellow waiters unwrapped a granola bar.

“Peter?”

“Yeah.”

“Peter.” That time, you kicked his shoe with your closest foot.

He looked wildly up and around, only to relax when he saw that there wasn’t anyone in a giant mechanical rhinoceros suit headed straight for him. “Huh?”

You sighed. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Mostly. I just…”

You wondered then if he kept staring at your hands to avoid staring at your belly. His eyes drifted slowly over to the swell of it obvious even through your sweater (it might have been May, but your school wanted you to wear something a little less indecent than your usual button down). Then, just as slowly, he brought them back up to your face.

“You just what?” you asked around your suddenly thick tongue.

“Nothing. It’s…dumb. But you had your appointment earlier this week, right? You know what it—you know what we’re…you know what the baby is?”

Things between you and Peter had settled down since you’d gone to see him at school a few months before. You both texted most nights (knowing full well FRIDAY was keeping logs of every message sent); Happy and May had come over for a much less uneventful dinner (not a fun experience this time either); and sometimes you even got to talk to him after one of his training sessions (so long as Steve or Clint hung around; you didn’t exactly jump at the chance when it was your dad who volunteered). All the same, your relationship felt tenuous, like you were walking on a wire just to keep things casual. That was why you sounded so guarded when you answered:

“Yes.”

“Yeah?” Now that he’d broached the subject, he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off your baby bump. “And what is it?”

“Peter…”

“I just want to know. That’s all.”

He’d picked a good place to ask. If you blew up in the middle of the hospital, you’d probably get carted off to the psychiatric ward—or, worse, someone would go wrench your father away from the birth of his good daughter so he could yell at you some more for your bad behavior.

Truth be told, you didn’t really want to blowup at Peter anyway. You loved him, and you still felt plenty guilty over deciding to give the baby up for adoption (and reject his sort-of proposal) without asking him about it first. The only thing was that you worried about what giving him that information might do.

“It’s…the baby’s a girl,” you said quietly.

His eyes went as round and as huge as one of your dad’s largest serving platters.

“Is that bad?” you asked.

Seemingly unable to speak, Peter shook his head. Your free fingers crept almost unconsciously to your belly as you watched him. What was he so freaked out about? Either the baby was going to be a boy or a girl. What other options were there? He wasn’t the kind of guy to hope the baby was a stillborn, so that couldn’t be it.

Finally, Peter let out a long sigh. “Is she pretty?”

Your knee-jerk reaction was to remind him all babies looked the same before they were born—and usually for a while after that, too. You surprised yourself by saying instead, “Yeah. She’s beautiful.”

“Does she look like you or me?”

“Me. She’s got a real big head.”

Alarm bells went off in your head. What were you doing? This baby was growing inside you, sure, but you weren’t supposed to get attached. She was going to some nice family as soon as she could. You couldn’t talk like she was coming home with you. All the same, when Peter grinned, you grinned right along with him.

“You’re head’s not that big,” he said.

“I’ll take that as a compliment. You know, my mom tore when she had me.”

“T-tore?” All the blood drained from Peter’s face.

“Yeah. Around my head.”

“Is that…is that going to happen to you?”

“I don’t know. It’s a possibility.” One you had a lot of nightmares about, too. The way Peter looked away from you and licked his lips made you think he might start having nightmares about it himself.

“Being pregnant’s really hard, isn’t it?” he asked.

“It’s no walk in the park. But,” you said, when he continued to stare at his jean-clad knees, “if I had to have anyone’s baby, I’m glad it’s yours.”

“Really? Why?”

“Because you’re kind.”

“Tell that to Flash.”

“Punching Flash doesn’t count. I owe you for that one.”

“No, you don’t.” Your eyes met once more. Peter’s tongue flashed at the corner of his thin mouth. Butterflies erupted in your stomach before he could speak. “Listen, I was wondering—”

“Peter, don’t.”

“I was just wondering what you’d want to call her. If we were going to raise her. What would you want to name her?”

“But we’re not keeping her,” you said.

“I know. But just…if we were.”

A lot of things about this situation hurt. Mostly your body, obviously, but also a lot of relationships and your grades and your self-esteem. None of that really made you twinge as deeply inside as considering the name of the baby you’d hardly get to hold in your arms. Logically, you knew you’d made the right choice in not keeping her, in finding her a family that would keep her safe, in getting her into a home that would have room for nothing but love for her. Emotionally, you couldn’t pretend you hadn’t spent the past few days obsessively thinking over the very thing Peter was asking you.

“Bethany,” you whispered. Your fingers pressed against your bump as you closed your eyes. “I want to call her Bethany, after my mother.”

You breathed deeply in through your nose then out through your mouth, then repeated the process several times. Bucky had suggested that to you last time he’d been present for one of your fun little panic attacks. Oddly enough, it helped…though you assumed Bucky didn’t need it nearly as often to prevent himself from bursting into tears in public.

A warm weight pressed against your hand closest to Peter. Opening your eyes, you found he had placed his hand on top of yours and interlaced your fingers again. Tears sparkled in his warm brown eyes.

“I think that’s a beautiful name,” he said hoarsely.

“Y-You do?”

He nodded. “I think I’d want to call her May, too. After all Aunt May’s done for me, it just seems right.”

“Bethany May?” you suggested.

“Bethany May.”

“Parker or Stark?”

“Parker-Stark. What else?”

Even though everything about the scene throbbed like a healing bruise, you and Peter worked your ways into tearful smiles.

“Bethany May Parker-Stark,” you murmured.

Peter echoed the sentiment, his eyes misty. Then: “So we really can’t keep her?“ he asked.

Reality doused your modicum of happiness like a bucket of cold water tipped over an ember. "No. We can’t.”

“But—”

“But what, Peter? We’ve been over this a thousand times already.”

He lifted his shoulders, tensing for an argument…then let out a long sigh and leaned his head backward against his chair until he was staring up at the paneled ceiling. “I know. I guess it’s just that…I don’t even remember my parents. I don’t want our daughter to grow up like that, wondering about what we’re like.”

“I know the feeling.”

“You do?”

“Sure. My mom told me when I was really little who my dad was. I kept asking her to bring him in for career day at school. Obviously, she couldn’t do that. She probably only told me because she figured if I told anyone, they’d think I was playing pretend. I kinda thought she was playing pretend, too, when I got older.”

“But Mr. Stark is your dad. You knew that.”

“It sounded too good to be true. That’s part of why I ran off to see him. I knew Mom never told him about me before she died, and I just thought if he knew me, everything would be okay.” Which, contrary to everything the world taught, it had been. For a little while, at least. Until you got it into your head to have sex with your boyfriend.

“Do you think Bethany’ll ever do that? Run away to meet us?”

“She won’t have to. These people who are adopting her are really nice, Peter. They work for SHIELD. They promised me that if she wants to when she’s older—when we’re older—they won’t stop her from looking for us or making contact. Besides,” you went on, “Fury’s pretty sure she’s going to wind up with your abilities, and if she does, there’s no way she won’t figure out who her dad is.”

“You really think so?” said Peter, lips curling up into a smile he couldn’t quite allow.

“I do. Oh!”

Your sudden exclamation had Peter’s attention off the ceiling and right back on you. “What is it? What’s happening?”

“Nothing.” His serious expression caused you to giggle. It really was a good thing he wore a mask as Spider-Man; he was too cute to scare any crooks bare-faced like that. “I just think that she already knows you’re her father.”

Peter’s brow furrowed further still. Without explanation, you gently lifted the hand he had resting on top of yours, brought it inches from the fabric of your sweater, and let him go.

“Touch it,” you said.

“Huh?”

“Just do it. Quick! She doesn’t keep it up for very long.”

His confusion did not evaporate. Frowning, he did as he was told, with many glances back at your face. Did he think you were trying to trick him somehow? You held your breath. If she didn’t do it again right away…

He gasped as he felt that same popping popcorn-like sensation inside you. “Oh my God!” he said. “Is that her? Is-is she doing that?”

“She’s kicking!”

“I can’t bel—”

“Miss Stark.”

You and Peter froze at the sound of an unfamiliar voice. Your eyes remained locked on each other’s for several seconds, but the bubble of happiness had utterly burst. Embarrassed and reluctant, you looked over to see a frazzled-looking woman in scrubs standing with a clipboard only a few feet away.

“Yes?” You tried to use your most dignified tone. She didn’t look impressed.

“The baby’s been born and checked out. Your parents would like you to come in and see them now,” she said.

Both you and Peter rose in unison, his hand slipping away from your stomach and back down to your hand. Neither of you got more than a step away from your seats before the nurse shook her head.

“I’m sorry, sir, but only family is allowed in the room for now.”

Peter didn’t let you dawdle or argue. “That’s okay,” he said quickly. “Aunt May will be here soon. You go on ahead. We’ll catch up later.”

He was probably right. As much as you wanted him with you for this moment, rules were rules. You allowed Peter to pull you in for a quick kiss, then went off to follow the nurse to Pepper’s delivery room. When you got to the door leading to the hall, you turned to look at him one last time. He waved. You waved back.

The tears threatened to rush right to your eyes once again as you turned away. This time, you refused to let them free. You couldn’t cry when this was such a happy moment for your dad and Pepper. With a sniff, you rubbed the moisture accumulating on your lower lids away, after which you hurried after the still-moving nurse. What was there to cry about anyway, you wondered. At least someone was getting a happily ever after after all of this, even if that someone couldn’t be you.

#fan fic #straw writes #reader insert #second person pov #pregnancy fic #challenge fic #where gods do fear to tread #peter parker #spider-man #avengers #marvel #mcu #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #spider-man x reader #spider-man x you #spider-man x y/n #avengers x reader #avengers x you #avengers x y/n #mcu x you #mcu x y/n #mcu x reader #marvel x reader #marvel x you #marvel x y/n