#(<- gonna get organized FOR REAL this year!! like.. at least a little bit)

[whumpofalltime]

friends, enemies, lurkers, we've made it to the

Whump Of All Time Finals!

What's the whumpiest whump of all time? Help us decide!

Find links and propaganda under the cut. Quarterfinalist and later match-ups are untagged, so your votes and reblogs matter! Make sure you click through to the main blog to find the run-off poll to crown third place, as well!

ROTK:

(spider attack, rescue)

"The Lord of The Rings, when Frodo gets bitten by a giant spider and left for dead by Sam at the end of The Two Towers, and then when Sam finds him in The Return of the King being held prisoner and whipped by an orc."

The Young Blood Chronicles (Save Rock and Roll's music videos, Fall Out Boy):

(link)

"Everyone gets bloodied, bruised, beaten up, tortured, rescued, limbs are amputated - it's brutal. Alone Together is particularly strong."

sorry for being late, but you want YBC propaganda? then you're getting YBC propaganda. I know you're a FOB fan, but I will be writing this for the benefit of those who don't know what YBC is, for better propaganda purposes! and yeah this is gonna be LONG. sorry.

So! The Youngblood Chronicles (shortened to YBC) is a series of 11 music videos made by the band Fall Out Boy, for their album Save Rock And Roll (you know this album, it's the one with My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark on it). The whole thing is quite short, less than fifty minutes long (even shorter if you don't count the uncut version's credits!!), and every single music video has some element of whump in it. This propaganda is gonna break down each individual music vid, and at i'll also talk a little bit about the irl context the album was written in, and why even THAT can be a little bit whumpy if you're insane like me!

(note: i'm going in the original release order over the uncut order, hence why i'm starting with MSKWYDITD instead of The Phoenix)

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark: Arguably the least whump-y out of all of them, but man, seeing all of Fall Out Boy's discography and memorabilia be burnt while people are dancing around the destruction? Man, when you know the real life stuff (the reception the band had in 2009, leading to them to take a three year hiatus)... and at the end, you see four guys bound in the back of a van!! And that van is getting burnt!! Burn everything you love and burn the... ashes.

The Phoenix: NOW here's the first of MANY whump tastes you'll get. Patrick Stump, the singer/cutie of the band, gets kidnapped, tied to a chair, has his hand CHOPPED OFF and mailed to his bandmate/best friend Pete Wentz, then gets tied down and utterly tortured by women who are laughing at his misery the entire time, getting prodded and stabbed by tools for... well, you'll see. By the end of the video, Pete and the other two members of FOB (Joe Trohman and Andy Hurley) have been kidnapped by these mysterious women too, with Pete specifically getting kidnapped by the blonde woman he was in bed with when Patrick's hand got delivered to him. If you enjoy cute boys getting tied down, covered in blood, and writhing around like worms while getting tortured... well you'll enjoy all of YBC but specifically you'll enjoy this!! I did :D! The war is won, before it's begun, release the doves, surrender love...

Young Volcanoes: Good news, FOB has been reunited! Bad news, by the women who dismembered Patrick! And now all the band members are tied to chairs, hooked up to IVs full of god knows what types of drugs, and blindfolded (all except Patrick). They are then forced to drink, snort hard drugs, and are force fed Patrick's organs! Yep, all four of them are forced to eat their lead singer's guts, and are so fucking drugged up they don't even realize what's happening (and now you know what the women were doing to him in the last mv, and you even get a nice little shot of the hack job of stitching him back up)!! Patrick hallucinates everyone having fun, but of course, at the end, all of them are knocked out because of the drugs. Americana, exotica, do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby?

Alone Together: This is the song the OG propaganda mentioned, and for good reason. All four of them are shipped off into little personalized torture rooms, and, well, tortured! Pete is able to break out and even steals the hook from the girl who was torturing him, but little does he know that'll be his own undoing... also, in general, this song has some whumpy elements, specifically the line "my heart is like a stallion/they love it more when it's broke-in"... but notice how easy it is to hear "broke-in" as "broken"! At the end of the video, Pete is at least able to find Patrick (Joe and Andy have NOT been having a good time, either!! But sadly, they aren't found by Pete, but Pete DOES find Big Sean), and is even able to attach the hook to the stump (ha!) where his hand used to be. But something is clearly wrong with Patrick now. His eyes are yellow, and as the song ends, we hold on him, sneering and twitching. This is the road to ruin - and we're started at the end...

The Mighty Fall: First off if you say this is the worst song off of SRAR I will hunt you for sport. OKAY ANYWAYS, chronologically this comes after MSKWYDITD, and yeah, the four guys are the members of FOB. Pete is able to free himself with Patrick's new hook hand, and is able to get the other three out while Pete is hacking up a lung from the fire they just barely escaped. But they're not done getting their shit rocked yet. A gang of children show up (the leader being the kid Patrick waved at right before he was kidnapped back in the Phoenix MV), and proceed to separate them and beat the living shit out of them. The leader kid who's chasing Patrick plays something on a boombox... which triggers Patrick to go yellow-eyed again (from here on out i'll call it "going Youngblood" or "Youngblood self"). It was confirmed in the commentary track that ANY music would cause him to go Youngblood. And knowing Patrick IRL fucking loves to create/compose music... yeah! Take something he loves and turn it into something that drives him insane!! I'm normal!! And also the irl parallel you could draw to his solo career doing the same thing to him (on a less uh Dramatic level but you know)!!! Ouch!!!! Big Sean is able to save Patrick, but at the cost of his own life (and a killer rap verse... HELL YEAH I'M A DICK GIRL, ADDICTED TO YOU). Oh, how the mighty fall in love...

Just One Yesterday: The last vestiges of comfort you're gonna get for a WHILE. The four are separated, getting even more beaten up, Pete vomits up a snake, Andy gets his shit rocked by a homeless guy, Joe has to use white sheets as a makeshift tourniquet bc his leg got fucked up in The Mighty Fall MV, and Patrick is picked up by a kind stranger (hi Foxes! you have a very pretty voice! PLEASE KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE STEERING WHEEL!). And finally, finally we get a hope spot. Fall Out Boy is reunited (the part where Andy just grabs onto Patrick's arm, in disbelief they're both alive... augh!!! AUGH!!!!), and for a moment, it seems they've been delivered to a hospital... before Foxes' eyes go completely black, looking at Patrick... and turns on the radio. She's able to trigger the Youngblood. And now Patrick is gone. The other three scramble into the hospital, Patrick not far behind, determined to kill them to stop the noise in his head. If Heaven's grief brings Hell's reign, then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday...

Where Did The Party Go: Patrick, now fully consumed by the Youngblood brainwashing, is now stalking his bandmates in a hospital. Patrick is seeing visions of the hospital as an abandoned party, Andy has to painfully disinfect the wounds he's gotten, Pete is able to call for the police, and Joe... oh, poor Joe. He barricades himself into a room, but not well enough. Patrick finds him, and kills him, slitting his throat with the hook hand, showing no remorse at all... until Andy and Pete find them. The Youngblood wears off, and Patrick looks to what he's done, and is horrified at what he's done to his friend. And, bad news for him, the police are here, ready to arrest the murderer. All Andy and Pete can do is watch as tears roll down Patrick's eyes. And for the extra IRL context, this was the first song written for the album that made Pete and Patrick realize they had to get FOB back together... so lets match that with a music video where the member who helped get the band together in the first place dies. By the hands of the kid he found. Let's fade away together, one dream at a time...

Death Valley: Joe gets... uh, a little comfort? I mean, he thinks he's getting sent to heaven but goes to hell, buuuuut I think doing drugs in rock and roll hell with Tommy Lee is actually a pretty sweet deal, better than the deal the other three got! Pete and Andy are being interrogated while Patrick is in a jail cell. We find out that the cult that kidnapped them, Silence the Noise, is lead by Pete's girlfriend from WAAAAY back in the Phoenix MV, Courtney Love. And at the end of the MV... Patrick is bailed out of jail by Silence the Noise. They have him again. And this time, they're not gonna let him walk out until he's fully under their control. 'Cause tonight it's just fire alarms and losing you...

Rat a Tat: Silence the Noise has Patrick, and they utterly brainwash him, A Clockwork Orange style, with electroshock stimulation to keep him from looking away or closing his eyes, until there is nothing left. Patrick Stump does not exist anymore. Only the Youngblood, pliant under the control of Silence the Noise, tasked to destroy what he once loved; music. Andy dies at the hands of the cult, and now Pete has to protect a briefcase, the thing that got them into this mess, and keep it away from Silence the Noise, all while his best friend hunts him down. Are you ready for another bad poem?

Miss Missing You: THE WHUMPIEST OF THE WHUMP. What if we were best friends but you've been driven insane and I know the only way to stop you is to kill you and it was my fault you got into this mess and I was the one who gave you the weapon that will be my own undoing. What if we both died at the same time. What if we died, both of us failing the mission we had before us. What if that was a reference to one of their first music videos. What if this song was originally written for Patrick's solo album but he realized it was more of a Fall Out Boy song so it was scrapped until now. What if there's a legit argument to be made that half the lyrics for this song was written by Patrick. What if we were both boys. Grips walls, yeha i'm normal. If you don't watch ANY other music vid, watch Miss Missing You. Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger. The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger.

Save Rock And Roll: And our final track gives us a final bit of comfort. Patrick is able to overcome the Youngblood, and gets into heaven, where all of FOB is finally, finally reunited. God (aka Elton John) gives them new instruments and brings them back to earth, so they can do what they love; play music together. Which just so happens to release people from the control of Silence the Noise! But, because we can't have nice things, a cult within Silence the Noise got a hold of the briefcase, and summoned a spirit that starts to kill everyone. FOB stands together, and blasts the evil spirit, the blood coming up to the gates of heaven and covering Elton John in it. And... that's how it ends. No true resolution. Just Elton John covered in blood, as the song fades out. Oh, no! Wherever I go, go! Trouble seems to follow! I only plugged in to save rock and roll!

UH. AGAIN I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LENGTH. but i really wanted to express just how much WHUMP they manage to fit into less than fifty minutes, all backed by an amazing album colored by the three years they were apart. colored by how they grew, colored by how bad the hiatus was for Patrick specifically, colored by how Confessions of a Pariah got Pete to reach out to help him, and this album came out of it, Fall Out Boy came back out of it, and now here we are, ten years later, with the title track being performed every night for their concert, with all the band singing the final lines together, and the line you are what you love, not who loves you hitting every single night.

SORRY. LISTEN TO FALL OUT BOY. thanks for letting me rant.

#final round #tournament poll

[kaisers-house-of-desires]

I am still indecisive, but Gojo, Nananemi (I feel like the more I type his name, the more I misspell it), or Sukuna x husband reader and Yuji as their adopted son? Just some teeth rotting fluff from your local ace.

One loving family coming right up~!

Title: 2 + 1

Characters: Gojo Satoru x m!reader, Yuji Itadori

Contains: fluff <3, adoption

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen

Full request below the cut

All characters are 18+ (except Itadori bc...adoption)

MINORS, FEM ALIGNED, AGELESS/BLANK BLOGS DNI (This may not be smut, but I still want the above to be followed)

Reblogs > likes

"Satoru...let's have a child!"

Gojo choked on his coffee, practically coughing up a lung. "Wh-What?!"

"Let's...let's have a child!"

You had been pondering the idea for quite some time. You two had been together for awhile, and seeing so many happy couples with a child has given you a little bit of baby fever.

"I uh...a-are you sure? A kid is a...real big responsibility, y'know?"

"Yes! Yes I'm really sure! C'mon, Satoru!"

Gojo was silent, readjusting his sunglasses that he always insited on wearing as he sat back in the chair. "Well...First off, I'd be a terrible father--"

"Oh don't you start that--"

"I would! I mean, look at me! I can't even take care of myself!"

"Mhm...and that's why you double check whenever I order your food to make sure I get the right thing, or make sure I use the right detergent in washing your clothes."

"H-Hey! That doesn't mean anything!"

"It means that if you can be so vigilant on things you care about, you can be vigilant with a child!"

Gojo's cheeks puffed in a pout as he looked away from you, not liking how you made sense. "Hm...well...I at least want to think on it..."

Elated, you jumped from your seat on the couch and squeezed him into a hug. "Thank you, Satoru!!"

"H-Hey, easy! You're gonna spill my coffee!"

---

Now something like this didn't come quick or easy for that matter. You two had to have deep conversations about how this would work: how to organize a room for the child to have space, what foods to make, toys to get them, what rules there would be, etc. Not only that, but you two had to look deep into adoption agencies and see what their policies were and how to go about this.

It was mentally taxing, and at times, you two had to put it off for awhile, just to make sure it could be tackled with a clear head. After all, this was a massive decision, one that affected not only your lives, but the life of a child. You two began to wonder if it would even be possible until finally, after all your searching, an agency reached out to you, willing to take your case.

Now came the next step, home interviews, personal interviews, background checks, all the works, all the more strain that was going into it. Though Gojo assured you it would work out in the end, which meant a lot coming from him, as he was hesitant on this in the first place.

Still, you two persevered.

---

3 Years Later

"Satoru, I'm home!"

You sighed as you sat on the step inside the house, kicking your shoes off to allow your feet to rest after long hours at work. You were soon greated by small, thudding feet rapidly approaching you.

"Daddy! Daddy Daddy!"

A body barreled into you, and two arms tightly wrapped around yours, giving you a practical death squeeze. You couldn't help but chuckle at the small child, ruffling his hair.

"Heya, Yuji. How was your day today?"

Yuji straightened up, waving his arms up and down. "It was fun!! Papa and I played "Stack the Blocks"! We had to see how big we could make the towers! Papa lost at three blocks, and I beat him with five blocks!

"Oh really now?" You gave a playful grin as you stood up, picking up Yuji in the process. "What else did you and Papa do today?"

"Oh! I did Papa's hair! Wanna see?!"

From the other room you could hear Gojo object. "N-No no! Daddy doesn't need to see this, Yuji!"

"Come on, Papa! You look amazing!"

Before Gojo could object any further, you stepped into the living room. Your husband was sitting on the floor, his white hair pulled into very messy and tangled pigtails with an additional one on top of his head.

"...Yuji didn't want me taking them out so I couldn't," he huffed.

You couldn't hold back the giggle that slipped out, and you set Yuji down. "He looks wonderful, Yuji! You did a great job!"

"Heh. See, Papa? Daddy likes it! So you will too!"

Gojo grumbled something under his breath, but you could only chuckle as you rolled up your sleeves. "I'm gonna get started on dinner. Yuji? Can you make Papa extra cute for dinner tonight?"

"Mhm!"

Much to Gojo's dismay, you walked out of sight before he could bribe his way out of another hairstyling.

As you prepared dinner, a simple, happy thought crossed your mind:

I love this family.

#kaisers house of desires #x reader #x male reader #x male y/n #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #jjk #jjk gojo #jjk x reader #gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #male reader

[autisticshadowthehedgehog]

Sonic Prime Extended Universe HCs - New Yoke

so we know that the Shatterverses aren’t “real,” full universes, just distorted reflections of the Prime that aren’t fully-formed, hence why there’s only like 6 people and two locations. However fucking around is fun fun fun so I’m just gonna do a post for each universe dissecting where the other Sonic Universe characters would be and what they’d be up to. Please for the love of GOD add your own ideas/hcs in the comments I want us all to melt into creativity mush.

NEW YOKE

Team Chaotix are lowkey rebels. They pretend to be model citizens while aiding Rebel and Renegade’s forces from the sidelines. Well, when I say “they,” I mean all of them but Charmy. He is noooot the subtle type so they just hide him inside. This keeps him alive but his zoomies are insane. House has been on fire at least twice.

You guys know Fiona’s backstory in Archie where she was besties with Mighty and Ray and they tried to revolt and it didn’t end well? Yeah I feel like that literally happens 1-1 here; Mighty and Ray think Fiona is dead, she’s digging her way out of isolation. The boys are on the run and NOT having a good time.

The other 1-1 is Whisper’s backstory. oops

Tangle and Jewel are in the Resistance; Tangle’s a fighter obvsly, Jewel works espionage/organization/keeping Tangle from dying.

SatAM Freedom Fighters are literally just doing the same shit. However without Sonic they’re missing their most crucial team member (the Distraction™) so they have to be way more sneaky and careful. then again if there IS a New Yoke!Sonic he could very well be here so maybe they’re all just vibin

StC Freedom Fighters are here too; their resistance is way smaller and they can’t do a lot but they are doing their BEST okay?? Porker and Tekno are making some kickass robots and Shortfuse is a huge win for them. Johnny was their main fighter and uh. well. right before the Sonic Incident™ he kinda got blasted just like in canon. Sorry buddy

Vanilla and Cream are hiding the chao in their basement. Literally, they dug out a basement to function as a makeshift chao garden so that the little guys wouldn’t get killed by the mass roboticization. It’s not going too well because chao need clean water to survive and there’s only so much they can get. They’re not involved with the rebellion though; they’re doing all they can to keep themselves and their chao alive, and without meeting Amy or Sonic they’ve never made contact with the main cast. Perhaps, similar to Advance 2, they make contact when Vanilla gets captured for roboticization and Cream teams up with the rebels to rescue her?

Tikal peekin out of the ME cause she hasn’t seen Knuckles in a while: what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

If we assume Robotnik has control of the Continents too, I like to think the Sonic X humans are running the rebellions over there. Chris has built Helen a rocket-powered wheelchair with guns on it and she is a little bit too happy about it

Elise is under a ton of pressure to keep her kingdom alive with the new dictatorship; they’re constantly checking in on her and roboticizing “criminals” in her kingdom and she hates it but if she objects they all die. Not having a good time!!

If Blaze is in this dimension she’s got a bit more freedom than Elise what with her superpowers; I feel like she probably has isolated her kingdom from the rest of the world while desperately trying to defeat oncoming invaders all by herself with her fire powers (+ with Silver maybe?). One day she goes too far and passes out, only to be saved by little Marine who encourages her to keep fighting.

Zeti peekin down at the planet below cause they’ve been seeing a lot of explosions lately: lol nice

actually Zeti would be a HUGe threat if they decided to invade. these bitches control electronics and you know what 90% of the planet is now

Sticks is THRIVING. Girl expected a robo-pocalypse for years and it finally came and now she’s rescued a few stragglers and they have a mini-civilization in her bunker in the woods. She often leads attacks on the robots just to fuck with the Council and also cause she thinks it’s fun.

Babylon Rogues aren’t on the Council’s side but they’re also not really helping the rebellion. They just run around stealing shit like they normally do

Surge and Kit happen after the Sonic Incident™; Starline tries to recreate Sonic’s power and it goes. about as well as you’d expect.

and finally, OUR BOTS:

the Edgy™ Scratch and Grounder concepts from Underground production are Real™

the reason we don’t see Orbot and Cubot here imo is that they’re running factories in farther areas. Not well but they’re doing an adequate enough job they haven’t been scrapped yet

Snively is also running a factory somewhere, but his obsequious nature might get him roboticized just out of annoyance one day.

Breezie is considered their most dangerous robot. She’s a shapeshifter and can disguise herself as a normal mobian in order to get information on the Resistance; they’re constantly terrified that anybody could be Her.

Robotnik JR is here too, also a shifter; he’s made to be a robotic duplicate of the Chaos Council for certain public appearances in case of assassination attempts.

Decoe and Bocoe I don’t see as being here, but I dO see Bokkun as being WAY scarier than funny here. He is a detonation-bot and he’s damn good at his job and he’s a scary lil gremlin guy

Hope lost most of her family and is living under the Chaos Council’s ““care””. She absolutely hates them and is trying to aid the Resistance, but she’s under constant observation and thus can make no actual contact with them. Every now and again she’s been able to delete a file or turn off a camera. There’s no telling how many of them she’s saved with these small acts. They don’t know she exists.

Belle and Sage are not here... yet.

#sonic prime #new yoke city #new yoke #sonic prime au #mine

[baronessblixen]

Family Principles

Day 3 for the Eight Nights of Mulder: celebration and my prompt for the 24 Days of X-Mas Files Challenge: family Christmas with separate beds

Summary: They're spending Christmas at Mrs. Scully's house and Mulder is in for a surprise. (AU, fluffy fluff, William is there; wc: 715)

Tagging @today-in-fic @eightnightsofmulder

She should pinch herself, just to make sure she isn't dreaming. In many ways, this Christmas feels like a fantasy. One she had many, many years ago. But it's real, all of it.

Over there, surrounded by a few of her mother's neighbors, stands Mulder. He's grinning from ear to ear, quickly becoming the star of the party. At least as long as their son is napping.

William is without a doubt the not-so-secret superstar of this holiday get-together. With his dimples and his charming smile, he wraps everyone around his little finger. Including her grinchy brother, who tried his damnest not to be swayed. He lasted all of five seconds before he, too, oohed and awwed at his nephew.

"I saw you staring at me." Mulder's voice is a soft murmur as he puts his arms around her, holding her close. She must have been so lost in thought that she didn't even notice him walk over to her. "Do I have something on my face?" He nuzzles her neck, making her giggle.

"You do," she says, swatting at his hand. They may have been a couple for a while, but here, in front of everyone and her family, their public display of affection is new and she doesn't yet know how she feels about it. "You're grinning."

"I'm happy," he says simply. "Your mother throws great parties."

"She invited you every year," Scully reminds him. The first few times she asked him she wondered whether it was because of Christmas. But he never celebrated Hanukkah either. A fact they're planning to change next year so that William can learn about the festival, too.

"I'm a late bloomer." His lips graze the shell of her ear and she shivers. "Do you think anyone would notice if we snuck away?"

"They might." Though she's not sure she cares. "William will wake up soon, though."

"I can be patient," he promises, kissing her cheek. "We have all night."

"If you're prepared to sneak around." Mulder's confused pout makes her smile. She hasn't had time to speak to him about the sleeping arrangements yet. And he's not going to like what she has to say.

"My mom decided to put us in separate bedrooms." Mulder stares at her as if expecting her to admit she's making a joke. "She said, and I quote, she can't let us share a bedroom in good consciousness." Her mother loves Mulder, and she dotes on her youngest grandchild, but she's a woman with principles. One of which is no shared rooms and beds when unmarried.

"Is it because of what I said earlier?" When her mother and Father McCue talked about baptizing William, Scully intervened, saying they weren't sure yet what to do, with Mulder being half Jewish. And his skepticism towards organized religion, but she kept that tidbit to herself. Both her mother and Father McCue had looked surprised and then Mulder decided to call William a religious remix, which caused a few more shocked gasps from both of them.

"Surprisingly not," Scully says. "It's because we're not married."

"Well, I'm sure we can find someone here to change that. We have a priest, a rabbi, and a pastor. This could also be the beginning of a bad joke. This is a joke, right?" Scully shakes her head, and Mulder pouts fully.

"She knows we live together," Mulder says and she nods. "We have a child together." She nods again. "She knows that we- you know."

"Not in her house." He sighs loudly.

"What if I promise her to marry you as soon as possible? I'm gonna ask. You know what? I'm gonna use Willam to argue. He's my secret weapon." He kisses her mouth, his grin returning. He runs off like she's used to, but for once, she doesn't mind one bit.

She just watches as members of her family pat Mulder's back, or engage him in short conversations. Everyone loves him. And he basks in the attention. She knows one Christmas won't erase the years he suffered, where he was alone - sometimes by choice. But it's a beginning.

She knows that her mother won't change her mind about the sleeping arrangements, but she also knows that no matter what, they will find a way to be together tonight.

#ficmas2023 #this one was so much fun to write #they will spend more time with the scully family #msr #xf fanfic #my writing #my fic

[strigeist]

Heyyyyy!!! You still do Encanto? If so the can you do Camilo x male reader and like the madrigals throw a party for whatever and male reader knows how to dance so he dances with a girl/guy whatever and they accidentally kiss and male reader explains or whatever that it was an accident. (Sorry if it’s long and too detailed)

~ Yes! Since we're so close to the new year I decided to mix it up with that, I hope you don't mind. And it's no biggie, really! I prefer more specific requests anyway. Thank you for the request, it's the first one I get so I'm pretty happy about that s2. Hope you like it! ~

Camilo x Male reader

Summary: You accidentally kiss someone else while dancing. Camilo, your boyfriend, sees it. Misundertandings ensue. (You make up at the end, though, so don't worry!)

Word count: 1830.

Genre: Emotional hurt/comfort(?)

Author's notes: This might be a bit ooc, I'm not too sure, it's been a while since I've interacted with anything Encanto! Also, I used the word "parce" at some point, I've heard it's similar to "bro" in English or "mano" in Portuguese. I say it a lot so I feel it would fit in the dialogue but do let me know if it's not used like that in Colombia. And!! The dance I had in mind for this was cumbia since it's, apparently, a very popular dance there, but it's not really mentioned explicitly (and it could be wrong, since if you looked up that about Brazil Google would make you think most people dance samba at parties here when it's not really true, at least in my experience). And yes, the way the "kiss" happens isn't that realistic but who cares? Not me (though, fun fact, something very similar happened to me irl once!)

Celebrating the new year was always fun at Encanto. The whole town came over to the Madrigals' house and danced, drank, ate, and just generally partied until dawn. Now, it wasn't as wild as it sounds, but it was always a treat.

This year was particularly exciting for you since it was your first year officially attending as Camilo's boyfriend!

What did that change? Well, not much, only that you helped organize the place before the party, which you didn't mind (not when that meant you could spend the entire day goofing around with Camilo while doing so). But even though you partied together almost every year, there was just something different about dancing as a couple instead of friends.

The two of you had danced for a while after the *real* party started, however eventually decided to switch partners every few minutes as most did. It was just more fun like that, and you were still close enough for it to be considered time spent together. Plus, you were amongst friends, so it didn't feel weird.

Eventually, you ended up back together. After a few short minutes of dancing, Camilo suddenly seemed distracted, staring behind you as he stepped along to the beat of the song.

"You know, if you keep doing that you're gonna step on my foot!" You teased, then asked, "What's wrong?"

"... Oh, perdón, corazón." You cringed a little at how that rhymed. It seemed intentional by the way he giggled after saying that. "Mi mamá wants me to fix something, I think, I don't really understand what she's trying to say."

You stopped dancing and turned around to look as well, quickly finding Pepa gesturing angrily at the upstairs of the house and mouthing something to your boyfriend. After she noticed you looking, however, she stopped, smiled, and waved almost awkwardly. You and Camilo laughed.

"Want me to go with you?"

"No, no, it's fine! I want you to enjoy yourself, you already did enough by helping me with the decorations earlier. Just keep dancing or whatever." he explained, then grabbed your chin and gave you a soft kiss on the lips, grinning right after "See you in a few minutes!"

With that, he left.

'Charming bastard..." You thought as you watched him go, lips still tingling from his kiss.

[...]

You tried to wait for Camilo to come back but got bored after a few minutes. He did give you permission to dance with other people, and you were doing that before anyway, so you were sure he wouldn't mind.

The dance floor (that was actually just the main room of the house) was considerably fuller now that people started drinking, but you still had enough space to dance. Your current partner was Daniela, your sweet next-door neighbor. It was actually her mother that taught you how to dance along with some of the other kids in your street, so you were very comfortable dancing with each other.

You were facing each other to be able to talk better, one of your hands on her waist and the other on her hand. You spoke about your plans for the year, how your relationship was going, did some casual gossip because why not, when suddenly someone ran into her from behind. She fell forward, and your natural instinct was to try to hold her so she wouldn't fall. This, unfortunately for the two of you, ended up causing something quite awkward: your lips on hers.

It was very, very quick, but felt weird nonetheless. You hadn't really kissed anyone other than Camilo, but did this even count when it was on accident?

You stared at each other for a few seconds after separating. She was slowly becoming red like a tomato (and your face felt very hot as well, so Lord knows what you looked like), but both ended up laughing.

"I'm sorry, I didn't- someone ran into me-" She tried to explain, but you just shook your head and put your hand on her shoulder with a smile.

"I get it, it's fine, I noticed. Still wanna dance?"

She nodded positively and you went back to doing what you were before, not giving the event much thought.

[...]

A few more minutes passed, and still not a trace of Camilo. You weren't worried before, but now you were. Did something happen?

"Parce... I'm gonna go look for Camilo. He's been gone for a while, I'm worried." You announced and stopped dancing.

"Alright! See you later, (Y/n)! Tell him I said hi." She said.

"Will do!" You waved, then left.

You looked around the entire house and still couldn't find your boyfriend. Now you were really worried. It felt a bit irrational since it was Pepa who had left with him, so surely she would keep him safe. But what if something happened to the two of them, then?

Before your paranoid thoughts could get to you, you managed to find Dolores, who looked around as if looking for someone while holding a cup of juice.

"Hey, Dolores!" You greeted and she jumped before looking at you. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Have you seen Camilo around? I can't find him anywhere!"

"Oh, he's mad at you because you kissed Daniela." She explained, then widened her eyes and squeaked when she noticed what she just said. "I mean, no."

Your chest tightened when you heard what she said. So he thought you cheated on him?

"He saw that? But it was an accident! I don't-"

"I tried to tell him, but he didn't want to listen." She shrugged.

You didn't know how to feel about how Dolores was apparently listening to you and Daniela talk for her to have managed to catch that part, but didn't give it much thought. You were more worried about Camilo as of now.

"Where is he?"

She looked around with just her eyes, then replied.

"His bedroom. You should go, he's very upset."

You didn't wait a second before you left, quickly making your way to your boyfriend's room. Even though it wasn't really your fault, you still felt extremely guilty. This day was supposed to be one of fun and parties, not sadness! You weren't even sure he would believe you when you told him what had actually happened, but the thought of him breaking up with you because of that gave upset you too much, so you chose to think about it.

When you got to the glowing door of his bedroom, you knocked a few times, hands shaking a little from the built-up anxiety. You hoped he wasn't THAT hurt.

"Camilo, it's (Y/n)!" You said. "We need to talk!"

You couldn't hear anything behind the door for a while, but it suddenly just opened, revealing none other than Camilo. His eyes were red and puffy and he was still wearing what he wore at the party, though a little crumpled and with some small bits of dust that probably came from a blanket.

You could have cried at the sight, especially with this misunderstanding being the cause of it, but before you could say anything Camilo started talking.

"There's nothing to talk about!" he exclaimed angrily and sniffled, tears starting to fall from his eyes. "Y-you kissed her while I was gone! I trusted you! I thought..."

"No, no, mi vida! It's nothing like that!" you interrupted before he could go on, determined to avoid any further misunderstandings. "Someone pushed her on accident and she fell, I tried to catch her and, well, that's what you saw! I didn't say anything because, to us, it didn't mean anything! It was an accident! She has her boyfriend and I have you, and I would never want to kiss anyone else! I'm so, so, so sorry..."

Camilo stared at you silently as his tears came to a halt. He sniffled and dried his eyes with his hands before speaking again.

"So... You still love me?"

"Of course I do! I love you more than anything, amor!" your face got warmer after saying that. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I just didn't think it was that big of a deal, but I should have-"

Before you could keep going, Camilo hugged you so fast you didn't even see it coming. You returned the gesture and wrapped your arms gently around his figure, softly caressing his back as you did.

"... Mi hermana tried to say that to me, I think, but I didn't really listen... I'm, uh, sorry." He said. The words were a bit muffled since his face was pressed against your neck, but they were still understandable.

You let out a relaxed sigh, then giggled and placed a sweet kiss on his forehead.

"It's fine, she told me. I'm just glad you're not sad anymore... Unless you still are?" You pulled away and looked at him with a worried expression.

He pulled you back and shook his head.

"No, no! I'm glad I was wrong! I'm sorry for having jumped to conclusions so quickly-"

"But it was perfectly reasonable for you to get upset about that, I-"

"Ey, ey!" he interrupted as he pulled away, placing both hands on your shoulders. "What if, instead of infinitely apologizing to each other, we went back to having some fun?"

You laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, that sounds better. Wanna go back to the party?"

"Actually," Camilo replied with a mischievous grin "I had something else in mind." He walked a few steps back and looked at the inside of his bedroom, then at you again. "Wanna come in?"

You only raised an eyebrow and complied, following him into the room.

[...]

The idea turned out to be surprisingly mild. You were laying down comfortably on Camilo's bed, with your arms wrapped around him as you watched some telenovela his tío, Bruno, had recommended to him.

"But... Wasn't she his tía or something?" You asked, confused.

"Amor, are you even watching?" Camilo huffed in an annoyed manner but didn't bother looking up at you. "Yes, she is! But she doesn't remember that, she has amnesia! That's like, the whole point!" He said as he gestured at the screen.

"Perdón, perdón. I'm just busy looking at something else." You said, staring lovingly at him.

He turned his head towards you in curiosity, staring blankly for a few minutes before becoming almost as red as a tomato.

"Eres ridículo, (Y/n)." He laughed and gave you a quick kiss on the lips, then went back to watching the TV.

"What can I say? I love you! And you're very, very pretty."

"He, I love you too. Now pay attention to the telenovela or I swear I'll make you watch it all again!"

You both ended up falling asleep together while watching television. It wasn't exactly what you had in mind for the new year, but waking up in the morning with him still in your arms was certainly more than you could have asked for.

#encanto x male reader #camilo madrigal x male reader #encanto x reader #camilo madrigal x reader #camilo madrigal x y/n #encanto fanfic #requests open

[wigglebox]

Queer? In my John Winchester?

It’s more likely than you think! 

Sorry — but not really. 

So, it’s 2022, there’s a Supernatural show on, and I am sitting at my desk wondering how to actually start talking about a queer reading for a character that many don’t like the idea of being queer.

No I’m not talking about Dean Winchester — I’m talking about John. 

I remember waaaay back when in Ye Olden Times of June 2021 when the show’s script commitment was leaked, myself and a few others on Tumblr tossed around the idea of “Omg what if they make John queer, he’s in a relationship with another guy, and then heaven forces them apart because he has to be with Mary.”

And that wasn’t out of a desire to just have a slash ship. Those happen regardless, all the time, with little to no warning and little to no reason sometimes. Shipping happens. Shipping doesn’t have to be canon, doesn’t really have to make sense, and is a personal thing between you and your AO3 account. 

From my perspective, I had been wondering if they’d do it simply because the meta symbolism comparison — whatever — would be so great for Destiel and that ship’s journey. 

And, I still stand by that, and if anything, even more so now that I’ve had more time to think about it and see the characters on my screen. 

While watching 1x04 of The Winchesters, Masters of War, even mid-episode, Twitter and Tumblr and likely your Discord servers were all ablaze with “What was that look that John just gave Carlos in that uniform? Millie? What?” and especially after this tweet:

Just gonna do one of these while I’m at it: 

Anyway —

But for me, that wasn’t the only moment my brain starting firing when it came to the possibility of John and Carlos. 

First of all, since we know where John and Mary are eventually going to end up, this show can’t hurt me. I’m already expecting to be hurt. It’s not queerbaiting, it’s not anything like that. Also, especially now, very much not queerbaiting. Coding is not baiting. But regardless, I had gone into this show fully expecting to just start shipping everyone for everyone just because why not?

But after 1x04 I legitimately will be paying more attention to John/Carlos. 

For me, the most interesting thing about Destiel was that it kinda was born organically. Cas wasn’t meant to be a character that stuck around but the chemistry was too good to get rid of him, and the story just made sense with him there tbh. It was over the years and years that these two were on screen together in which it went from “Yay, a slash ship that’s not with his brother!” to “Oh my God are they going to make this canon? It makes the most sense!” 

The thing with Destiel is that since it was organic, it was born outside of the narrative. Cas was the first one to “make it up as we go,” he exists outside the narrative. 

The whole thing when it comes to Chuck Won theory for me is that Cas is a threat to Chuck because he exists outside of the narrative and kept trying to get Dean to go along with him — subconciously of course lol. [Side note, this is why I don’t believe Cas is in heaven, because if indeed Chuck won, Cas wouldn’t be there. Cas is ‘real’, he’s ‘truth’]. 

Destiel is a pairing, a love story, outside of the actual story while directly influencing the narrative that Chuck is trying to dole out to us. 

It was a brat, the suits/Chuck couldn’t control it, and once it started rolling down the hill, no one could stop it. 

Destiel was the character pairing that broke the narrative. 

Now, when it comes to The Winchesters, we have a bit of a thing going on here don’t we? We have four characers: Two young women, two young men. This is actually prime fodder for a shipping free for all. 

Carlos already expressed his once crush on Mary, Latika [to me at least] is kind of crushing on John, and John and Mary, we know, wind up together regardless. 

However — John and Mary are the narrative. That’s The Plan TM. That’s heaven’s outcome, that’s Chuck’s outcome, that’s the thing that needs to happen for the story to play out how they want it to. John and Mary don’t have a choice in this. 

But, they both still need a relationship outside of the narrative for contrast. 

The thing with Supernatural is that we never had Sam or Dean have ‘narrative compliant’ relationships. There was no need to have them hook up with someone to make children who are destined to bring about the apocalypse or whatever. That was all on them. That was supposed to end with Sam and Dean. 

But The Winchesters has a narrative couple, even if they don’t know it yet. For me, John and Mary still seem like just friends, they all do really, and while sometimes they’ll have talks in the van or heartfelt speeches to each other already with piano music softly playing overhead — it still doesn’t feel like romance. If anything, in 1x03 with John’s words about Mary and having to save her, it felt more like we’re inching more towards brother co-dependency than not. 

Since we have a narrative couple, and we already know what that is, we need a non-narrative couple. We need John and Mary to seek relationships with others, and probably get a little farther with it than just one date. We need something outside of the narrative that’s threatening to also take John and Mary along as well. John and Mary need their Cas, because they certainnly aren’t Dean and Cas to each other. 

“But Jen, why not just have John with Latika?” 

Because I said so! No, just kidding, because Carlos makes more sense to me in this case. 

It’s been clear to a lot of us watching that Carlos really captures the attitude and spirit of early seasons Dean. A little over confident, likely compensating for something. Withholding emotional stuff, maybe a little cavelier in his love life, and hell we even got a “why does paper even beat a rock” reference in 1x04. 

But in 1x04, it feels like Carlos was also set up with Cas parallels. 

Carlos was in the Navy, he was in the service, just like John. Dean and Cas were also ordered basically to “fight” by their fathers, and were essentially soldiers of their own corners of the narrative. 

But, Carlos isn’t a soldier. He’s a medic. He’s a healer. First thing I thought of was “Oh, Cas healed people and Dean all the time.” That’s one of the things I associate with Cas a lot is just healing, both physical wounds and emotional ones. 

I find it interestingly fasincating that Carlos was put in contrast to John like this. Dean and Cas to me were on the same level whereas Carlos felt like almost the polar opposite to John. He didn’t illegally sign up for the war while underaged, he wasn’t really looking for a fight, and he did none of the fighting but instead helped those who were wounded in the fighting. Whereas John entered the war underaged, was a Marine, and likely saw so many atrocities unfold before him including the death of his friend Murphy. 

The Destiel parallels didn’t end there for me. 

It seems like we’re test driving John with the different characters. He’s with Mary, alone. Then he’s with Latika, alone. And now he’s with Carlos for most of the episode, alone. So it feels like it’s almost like I’m watching The Bachelor lol. You have the winner who was engineered by producers to be the pick at the end of the competition [Mary], the one who actually was in it to find love with the Bachelor [Latika] and the one that the Bachelor actually fell in love with [Carlos]. 

[I’ve never seen this show lmao I’m actually modeling this off of Flavor Of Love but shh don’t tell anyone]

Obviously, my saying John is in love with Carlos is literally just me saying that. Literally no proof of that right now. I’m just saying if we’re going to throw some tropes in there, that’s where I’d slot him in. 

So getting back to Destiel parallels — I found the jungle space that John and Carlos wound up in so interesting. It really reminded me of Purgaytory. Yes I’m spelling it that way. 

When Carlos stepped on the mine and said John’s name like that, like Murphy did but also just like that, idk. Struck something in me. But I also found it interesting that he was in there at all. All the other people that this god killed were on their own. But now it’s both Carlos and John, and the god is using Carlos to try and like, convince John to do what it wants John to do. 

Obviously, we know that despite his claims otherwise, John did wind up doing what the god wanted him to do and did in fact kinda give into his inner demons, which we saw play out the entire episode as John struggled hard. 

For me, John needs someone who’s going to tempt him away from the narrative, away from going down this bad path of running instead of confronting his inner demons, and away from the narrative pairing that will eventually be with Mary. He needs someone who will help steer him away from all of this, because the narrative has to have something to rip away from him. And progress would be that thing that the narrative strips away. 

And to me, yes I wouldn’t mind it being Latika either but I’m aligning her more with Mary at the moment. So for me, it’d be Carlos. Another ‘brother in arms’ [see what I did there], someone who does understand the trauma of seeing what he saw, and experienced more or less what he experienced. Someone who is that beacon of hope and light [even though I’m sure Carlos has his own issues obviously] that would make John want to confront his issues intead of run from them. 

So, when I see fun Destiel parallels to John and Carlos I like them, but I’m also thinking about the meta narrative implications of this. A queer ship, for outside of the narrative, that will wind up getting the axe in order to serve the narrative. Because isn’t that what happened with Destiel, and Dean’s right to reciprocate being taken away from him [literally. the final monsters ripped people’s tongues out and he never said Cas’ name after that phone call in 15x19]. 

To mark a full tragedy and degradation of John Winchester, it’d be great to me anyway if they do the same with him. 

Now —

I know post-episode there were some loud dissenters and those who aren’t happy about this concept that John could be queer, especially if it’s more upfront about it than Dean ever truly got a chance to do. 

And for that, I understand, however I’m choosing to view this as a good thing because if they can slap on as many callbacks to Destiel as they can with these two, but knowing that with these two it’s going to fail while with Destiel more or less succeeded*, I’m choosing to call a win a win. I also don’t believe symbolism, meta, and story for The Winchesters should be sacrificed because of decisions made for a separate show that began in 2005 and tried its hardest to deliver undeniably queer Dean in its 15 year long run. 

*Dean never go to say I Love You back, however I’m a continuation believer, and I also think the metaphorical silence was pretty loud.

A lot of folks choose to see adult John as homophobic, a headcanon/fanon trait that I can 100% understand where folks come from. However it’s not canon that he is, and it’s never been implied in the show either. Therefore, I feel like that point of debate is one I don’t really take all that seriously, because it’s someone’s personal reading of a character, and not tangible canon. 

A queer John Winchester would I think give us the chance to add more fuel to the Destiel fire, while also giving us the chance to grieve a love story that could have been, and grieve a person that John could have been instead of the one that he became. Queer people aren’t always good, kind, reasonable, and understanding. Sometimes they can, indeed, grow into being terrible people. 

The Winchesters is ultimately a tragedy. No one is going to win at the end of the day. It’s like watching a run away train and being unable to stop the characters from making the choices that we know will lead them not to safety but to mortal danger. 

But if they can give us peeks into what could have been, that’ll make it so much more tragic in a way that really resonates with us. 

#long post #spnwin #spnwin meta #john winchester #jarlos #1x04 #0104 #I'M SORRY GOD THIS IS SO FUCKING LONG #I HOPE I MADE SENSE #I WROTE THIS ON MY BREAK #i'm not going to let jarlos go #now that i have it in my hands you're never going to pry it from me

[creative-time]

The Guardian Interview 2022 (Simplified Bullet List Version Because Its 1 am)

Major Spoilers ahead so read at your own discretion

(They mention the 2019 pilot so I’ll go over that first)

Alright so someone has given me a link to the pdf of this interview, I’m not gonna say who did because I don’t want anyone going after them but they have given me permission to talk about this.

I’m also not going to be linking to this pdf, because tbh I don’t know if that is legal and I’m not taking that chance… but I believe you can find it if you look for it. (For legal reasons this is a joke)

Here are some things that I feel are important takes from this interview

The 2019 Pilot:

Becky Sloan states that Clayhill was “a bit South Park”

Baker Terry adds that they made an attempt to get an element of current affairs, but he whispers it “because it almost sounds like a dirty phrase”

They felt the timelessness and claustrophobia of the originals were missing

So, I guess this means that nearly everything in “The Key to The City” is not going to be present in the tv show, which is a bit sad but I guess is understandable.

They also did not mention if they were ever going to officially release the pilot so we are still on that can of duck organs 🙃

Alright, this next bit is gonna get into the tv show so you have been warned, it does get a little… interesting to say the least.

The TV Show

They wrote this during the pandemic (obviously), over zoom and they felt that is may have helped recapture the oppressive vibe they felt was missing from the Pilot, Joseph states that it was strange writing a show about characters stuck inside while they were also stuck inside, “so maybe there are points where we did actually go insane”

This interview states that Baker does “About 80%” of the voices, and yeah that adds up

Jamie Demetriou, Lolly Adefope and Phil Wang have come on board to voice new characters

Sam Campbell and Natasha Hodgson have joined as writers

Megan Ganz is the story editor

Lolly Adefope is playing an intercom (An intercom character or a character that just so happens to be using the intercom???) and singing a “vocoder-packed pop number about workplace stress management”

Terry says that they have spent their whole adult lives doing this (also adds up)

Just the sentence, “On TV, the homemade ethos remains - which will please fans who have been patiently waiting six years for it to appear.”

Hugo Donkin makes a brief cameo appearance in this interview along with Charlie Perkins

Apparently they went ham on the props, there’s a background prop of a travel pamphlet and inside are felt pictures of holiday locations and that’s actually kinda cute

The trio share a comically large wallet that’s only shown for a second, Joe says there’s gonna be a number and date on the credit card “that no one will notice”

“Everyone’s gone insane of set” -Joseph Pelling

There is a stop-motion area on set where they are working with clay (LETS GOOOO)

… the urinals… are gonna have eyes… and limbs… the urinals are alive and I don’t know how to feel about that tbh…

The prop making area has also been dubbed “The Puppet Hospital”

There’s gonna be a vending machine full of cigarettes and bottles of “Mysterious dark liquid”

Also a robot dog! Hopefully it is wholesome and not bad at all

there is a quiet dark stage dubbed “The Void”

Red and Duck are going to be confused and try to make out felt objects “Through the encroaching gloom”

Josh Elwell is Duck’s Puppeteer and contorted themselves on the floor behind a felt fridge to get out of shot!

Perkins says that bringing in professional puppeteers has added, “so much personality and emotion”

Becky says there’s gonna be scenes with Yellow Guy where the people might cry (what is this a call out post??)

They actually had to stop using real meat for this show and had to use silicon replicas because there was an incident where they used actual beef to fill a “horrible vending machine” and it apparently smelled so bad that crew decided to switch to fakes

Terry’s favorite dhmis theory involves Bosnian Serb war criminal Radovan Karadžić

Becky’s is a huge fan of the “conspiracy-level scrutiny they have attracted”

There is a mention of the Ed Tucker Duck Tree anagram

“They refuse the debunk any of the theories”

The trio says they put a ton of Easter eggs in this show because they know the audience has the appetite for “dissecting things” (yet another callout post)

There is a life-size felt car sitting on stilts, Becky said that the crew dumped the car “in hope that the show’s supersleuths might one day discover its location” (CIPHER HUNT 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO)

You’ll apparently have to swim through a swamp to get to the car, but Becky says that people can find it

Joe says that they had to give the characters little desires to fit with the runtime of a tv show, even it the desire was “I don’t want to be in this room anymore”

All the props and puppets are in storage, but the trio hope to exhibit them one day

“At some point, we’ll have built everything in the world out of felt,” says Pelling. Sloan pipes up: “No one can stop us!”

And that’s all I can think of right now, I took me an hour to write this and it’s now 2 am I’m going to bed

#dhmis #don’t hug me i’m scared #dhmis spoilers #the guardian #dhmisspoilers

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Past Artemis and Present Artemis Are Not Allowed in the Same Room

If Number 1 kind of nudged the door open to time travel and wibbly wobbly timey wimey shenanagins in Lost Colony, then Artemis full-on kicked it down and yeeted a grenade through it in this book. Let's talk Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox.

As per usual, SPOILERS ABOUND below the break.

There are a ton of things about this book that are amazing and in order to stay at least a little organized, we're gonna use HEADINGS this time around! That's not to say the headings are in any particular order, but life has been lifeing and I need a little help making sure I gush about everything I want to here. Because while Eoin Colfer introduced time travel in the last book, this one is a whole TIME PARADOX PLOT!

Opal Koboi, Empress of our Hearts

So, there are places for nuanced, complex, morally gray villains who have carefully throught-through ethoses and who are compelling because of their tragedy. Those kinds of villains are great.

Opal Koboi is not that kind of villain.

Opal Koboi is a villain in the classic Disney sense. She is absolutely unhinged, wants nothing more than to be Empress of the Goddamn World, and absolutely revels in setting things on fire just to watch them burn. She is rock-solid on her own worth, she is terrifyingly intelligent, and she is equally fun when she is strutting around in her own success as when she is pitching a dramatical cats tantrum because somebody said "ethics" in her presence. Our girl is sheer fun from start to finish, and honestly I love how consistent she is.

In this book, we see Opal before the events of The Arctic Incident, and it's great to know that she has ALWAYS been unhinged and glorious. If anything, this book shows us that the plan to use the B'wa Kell to take over Haven was weirdly vanilla for Opal. Sucking the bodily fluids out of endangered animals to basically Captain America super serum herself is...way more on brand.

The bit where she is too narcissistic and paranoid to stay in character as Angeline Fowl for more than like 60 seconds once Jay Jay is in the room is also AMAZING. Talk about getting in your own way...

Artemis vs. Artemis

So sometimes as a series gets increasingly lengthy, it's good to remind readers and character how much your protagonists have grown. Eoin Colfer decided that time travel was a great way to take advantage of this, and reveled in it by giving readers 10-year-old Artemis's opinion of 18-year-old Artemis and vice versa for the entire book, and it is SO FUN. They both hate each other, and understandably so. They both also have qualities that the other begrudgingly respects, and ultimately they need BOTH Artemises to resolve the plot.

We also get some really lovely instances of Artemis outsmarting and bamboozling himself. This conceit had every chance of coming off as cringe as hell, but Colfer handed it with enough humor and humanity to make it feel real rather than like a whole book devoted to a vanity plot centered on Artemis thinking he's the best thig since sliced bread.

Artemis...That was WILDLY Uncool to do to Holly

Ok, so Artemis has grown a lot over the course of five books. He's matured. He's learned how to be a reluctant antihero. He and Holly are legit friends. Which somehow manages to make it EVEN WORSE when Artemis full-on knowingly tricks Holly into thinking that she not only gave his mother a fatal illness but also started a plague that at one point killed 20% of the fairy population in three years. There's honestly no coming back from that kind of breach of trust.

And no, giving Holly a chance to say goodbye to Commander Root does NOT make Holly and Artemis square. It nicely ties up a loose emotional thread, but it does NOT square the emotional devastation of infecting a friend's mother and starting the plague 2.0. That is possibly the least believable relationship dynamic in a book where Artemis and Holly KISS (no, we're not gonna talk about it, they were both under the influence of the time stream and it doesn't count).

The truly wild thing about this is that Artemis before the fairies was a cold-hearted little bastard capable of incredible cruelty, but once Artemis understands feelings and emotional relationships, he's suddenly capable of hurting people WAY MORE than he could when he was a tiny robotic human. And of course the person he takes aim at is HOLLY SHORT. Like, FFS, Artemis. You did less damage when you had the emotional intelligence of a gold ingot...

Butler

Domovoi Butler is too good for this world and we do not deserve him. Artemis sure as hell does not deserve him, past OR present. Past Butler full on calls 10-year-old Artemis out on the act that he is *checks notes* handing over the last of a species to a group of fanatics to be horribly murdered in a kangaroo court, fully sells a sentient elf to those same fanatics, does not emotionally let Artemis off the hook when he is experiencing guilt and shame over being an accessory to murder and extinction, and TURNS THE PLANE AROUND to go save Holly and 18-year-old Artemis from the extinctionists. And thats just past Butler.

Present Butler is such a goddamn badass that he resists a juiced-up Opal Koboi's mesmer so hard that he gives himself a heart attack. Not even Opal Koboi can pull a 180 on Butler's moral compass, and even when he can't fully fight her off, he can resist in little ways, like sticking breathing tubes in barrels. Someone let this man retire happily, he has MORE THAN earned it at this point.

Baby's First Ecocritical Text

Environmentalism and ecocriticism have been very present as secondary themes in the Artemis Fowl series from the very first book, but this is, I believe, the first book where this theme gets really explicit and has real, concrete plot consequences and implications. The "hunting animals to extinction is bad for [list of reasons]" isn't the deepest or most nuanced version of the argument, but it doesn't have to be. The audience for these books are middle graders and YA readers. They get a concrete introduction to ecocriticism and some very comprehensible examples of the consequences of extinction and pollution, and that's going to be enough for more of them than you'd think to keep thinking and reading about the issue.

I highlight this because so few middle grade and YA books do ecocriticism at all, let alone this clearly and concisely. I suspect we will see more of this as climate change keep wreaking absolute havoc on quite literally everything, but these books did it before it was cool, and I really appreciate that about them.

Overall, this book is not my favorite of the series. Time travel can be a hard sell, even if you weave the complexities of time travel around a relatively simple fetch quest. As per usual though, the character work is never not entertaining, and I do enjoy rereading this one periodically.

#eoin colfer #artemis fowl #artemis fowl the time paradox #the time paradox #time travel #holly short #domovoi butler #opal koboi #middle grade sci fi #middle grade fantasy #middle grade books #middle grade fiction #books & libraries #books and reading #books and novels #books #book recommendations

[sharklemonss]

Hello lmk fandom, i bring you food! A fanfic i spent the entirety of a month writing for your enjoyment (my collection of tears) at your disposal :3

It's spicynoodles and it's got mutual pining, angst, fluff, everything you could want in a oneshot!

The link:

And here's a little peek at the story itself!

The night starts with a phone call through blurry tears.

Needless to say, Mk was in pretty rough shape after the past year or so of horrible, near world-ending events, and that followed him in his sleep. They started out few and far between, just a change in tone of a normal dream, and he'd wake up and fall right back asleep after. Slowly but surely, though, the nightmares got worse, and sometimes he needed some support before getting back to sleep again.

Mei was his go to. She was always up at absurd hours of the night, and sometimes she'd even drag him into a phone call to soothe his nerves by distracting him. She was an awesome friend- a much better one than he was, at least. She always had his back, no matter what, even when things looked too difficult or when Mk made an odd choice that would probably lead to their failure. She trusted him with everything. So, in turn, Mk extended that unconditional trust to her as well, and when Mk says "no matter what", he means it.

And then Red Son joined their group and made things a little more complicated.

It was nice to have their duo turn into a trio- Mk was actually very happy to drag him along to their hangouts, especially after they'd gotten closer due to the whole Lady Bone Demon mess. Red Son was hesitant at first, but over time, the trio was basically inseparable, much to the dismay of the demon parents that kind of wanted Mk dead. After saving their respective lives multiple times, though, they let Mk and Mei slide and be friends with their son.

Thankfully. Mk really didn't want to fight the two of them anymore.

One night, however, on one of his and Mei's late night distraction calls, Mk says something he'll probably regret. The thing in question isn't the problem, no, Mei is just horrible at keeping secrets. Also for the fact that saying it out loud makes it real, and he's been trying to keep this thing in particular at the back of his mind with the rest of his troublesome emotions. He should really learn to hold his tongue, but Mei gives him these puppy eyes as she begs him to tell her, and he just can't say no.

"I think I like Red Son," Mk says, like it's his biggest secret in the world, but Mei doesn't really seem to get it.

Her head tilts to the side. She's got her camera on, and she's been carefully painting her nails (and repainting them, because she cannot decide on a colour for the life of her) for the past hour or so. "I mean, I would hope you like him? He is our friend," she says casually, and Mk does a mental facepalm.

"No, like," he groans, hating that he has to explain all these gross feelings and not just say it normally, "like him in a non -friend way."

Mei is silent for a moment. There are a few seconds where Mk thinks she understands, and then she goes, "I'm not following, Mk, you're gonna have to say it to me straight." Before he's even opened his mouth, Mei speaks again. " Don't make a gay joke, you know what I mean!" 

He laughs for a bit, and he knows she'd do the exact same thing if their positions were switched at all. "Okay, okay, fine," he takes a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for the reaction he was bound to get, "like him in… a crush kind of way?" Silence follows his words, just as expected, but Mei's voice breaks it in a very level tone. 

"If my parents weren't asleep right now I would be screaming into my speaker," Mei responds in the calmest voice he has ever heard from her during talks like these. "Dude, when did this happen ? Like was there a certain moment, or, like, did you just go poof ! Feelings for the fire demon that insults me everyday! You gotta explain everything -"

She rants like this for at least thirty minutes before Mk is able to get another word in.

#lego monkie kid #lego monkie kid mk #lego monkie kid red son #spicynoodleshipping #lmk spicynoodles #i honestly spent so much time on this fic and im really proud of how it turned out #this is my love letter to my favourite ship tbh #I've got a shadowpeach fic in the works as well that takes place at the same time as this one! #no promised that'll get finished but im trying #anyways #the first scene is literally just me going on about my special interest in stars and taking it out on mk and redson #leave me be

[allthoughts-headgay]

ok ok ok gl!ranboo and cabinet man by lemon demon this is gonna be long so its under the cut

"Electric desires had unraveled all my wires" - !!!!! WANTING TO ESCAPE THE MASK W THE WIRE THINGS

"Now I'm in the box for safekeeping "-!!!!!!!!!!!! THE BOX AROUND THEIR HEAD (which also looked like a tv 👀)

"The news reporters reported that I died" - HE GOT TAKEN FROM HIS LIFE AND SHIT

"But all my organs were living on inside" - EVEN THO THEY WERE BEING CONTROLLED BY SHOWFALL AND SHIT HE WAS STILL ALIVE SOMEWHERE IN THERE

"Circuit board to brain" - WHEN HE WENT ALL NPC

"With two lungs collecting change" - HE AND THEIR LITERAL BODY WERE BEING USED FOR PROFIT

"One big human heart gently beeping" - AGAIN, HE IS HUMAN SOMEWHERE IN THERE BUT EVEN THAT IS BEING BENT AND USED FOR ENTERTAINMENT

this next part could work like a duet between showfall and gl!ranboo

showfall:

"You can't win me, I can't be beat" - showfall is inescapable, they are doomed to just repeat the cycle forever

"I won't hurt you unless you cheat" - the streamers will be safe as long as they do not resist (hetch?? hello??) and just go along with the cycle, they will just keep reviving

gl!ranboo:

"You can't see me behind the screen" - he still keeps some of their humanity hidded from showfall and the viewers, no matter how much they are used for entertainment

"I'm half human and half machine" - he has given up so much of himself and their identity for views, plus the mask controlling him and shit

this next bit is just gl!ranboo again

"Thank God for business, they let me take the floor" - showfall had determined that ranboo would provide them with profit, so they took him

"I stood so proudly, like I was going to war" - they were stuck in this situation, but did not give up. he stayed strong and faught back against showfall

"Players soon appeared and I quickly was revered" - players = viewers, controlling ranboo's actions yet rooting for his escape

"This must be what love would have felt like" - they were robbed of the chance at real love, and instead only received the sort of fake "love" given by the viewers. one who's entire identity is turned into a character for entertainment cannot be truly loved within that character

"Such dedication, they came from miles away" - the viewers were relentless, coming in from all over the world to control him. some wanted them to escape, some seeing them as just a character

"With eyes so piercing, they'd wait their turn to play" - the viewers were observing and analyzing everything he did, seeing the situation as little more than a game for the viewers to win

this next bit is showfall

"Perfect patient lines because I was in their minds" - the viewers waited patiently for their turn to affect the situation, accepting everything they saw at face value. in a way, showfall was controlling them just like they were controlling ranboo (squiggles, the funny situations distracting the viewers, etc)

"I could do whatever I felt like (whatever I felt like)" - because the viewers did not question what was going on or try to break free from showfall's control over them, showfall could present whatever it wanted and the viewers would go along with it

this bit is gl!ranboo again but with the idea that he had gone through many cycles before (or perhaps in the future if they had not died?) before he dies so not totally canon but who knows

"I'm happy for years and years" - ranboo is complacent in showfall's control, deciding that it was better/safer to play along and not resist (like when he went npc?)

"And, only eating the occasional maintenance man" - he rarely rebelled (until the end), oblivious to what was really going on

"Only driving a few kids to madness" - at least in ranboo's perspective, most of the viewers did not care about them. to the viewers he was nothing more than a character. most of the viewers would not go mad spending their days worrying or theorizing or trying to get them out, they would simply move on. (key word in this line is "few" lol)

"Maybe they were predisposed to madness, who knows?" - maybe those viewers were like that for every fictional character, maybe that's just the way they are, they still don't see that he is actually a person

"I only want to have fun" - they just want to be able to live their life, even though he's accepted that his life is now just being used as entertainment. at least they have some sort of purpose

"But now they're telling me my days here are done" - the viewers inevitably get bored of ranboo, and he no longer provides showfall profit. he has no purpose, there is no reason to keep them around.

"'Cause there's a tiny little box that they make in Japan and pretty soon it's gonna fit in your hand" - as soon as ranboo becomes obsolete, there will be another form of entertainment pushed in front of the viewers' eyes to keep them engaged. it's a never ending cycle.

this bit is gl!ranboo, a while after they are replaced

"It's getting lonely, it's getting hard to breathe" - he has been turned into a character, their sole purpose was to entertain. once the viewers move on, there is nothing left for him, and nothing left of them to turn back into a person

"The arcade's empty, I think it's Christmas Eve" - the viewers are off having fun somewhere else, trapped in the cycle of fake characters and fake situations to keep them distracted, to make them forget

"Someone's broken in, now they're painting on my skin" - some viewers inevitably remember ranboo, coming back to them even after he's been discarded, expecting to find the same exact character that they knew.

"Breaking me and taking my quarters" - he's suddenly being used as entertainment, drained for money, just as they thought he'd found peace.

"Bashing in my face with a crowbar, kicking me and pushing me over" - ranboo is suddenly forced to create more entertaining content, contort themself back into the character, in order to keep the remaining viewers constantly happy

"Now they see my blood on their sneakers" - inevitably, some of his humanity comes out, shocking and driving away any remaining viewers, leaving them lonely, but finally at peace, yet still unable to find themself again.

#anyways #lol #that was a lot #genloss #generation loss #genloss spoilers #ranboo #gl!ranboo #cabinet man #lemon demon #this could be a cool animatic or smth lol

[sansxfuckyou]

as it was

Summary: Kyle gets high easily, Kenny lives in the woods, Cartman learned how to sew, Stan brought a potted plant of marijuana- they all miss hanging out together like kids

Warnings: mild blood, weed, swearing, check Ao3 port for full tags.

Authors Note: ngl, i took the wrong edibles, got a little bit fried, wrote this when i woke up, hope ya'll enjoy and if you do consider dropping a reblog or checking the Ao3 port

If there was one thing Kenny enjoyed about all that time he spent hanging around Stan was the knowledge he had inadvertently gained about how to grow weed. It got him one of his first jobs, clipping buds down at Tegridy, and definitely got him through harder times. But at that, it also let him not experience extreme withdrawal after exiling himself from town when the times got impossibly rough.

He doesn't remember why he did so in a picture perfect memory, but he's heard from his friends that the town has become a tourist attraction of sorts now that he isn't fucking the places population count every day. He shoots, he bags, he eats, and succumbs to the loneliness that not even a stack of playboys and homebrewed edibles can cure. Sure, the CBD high is nice for joint pain, but he'll forever mourn the winter he lost the plants that actually gave him a real high.

He lost so much that year, three separate strains, Citrus Dream, one he smuggled that he swears smelt like oreos (he called it Sugar Rush), and his dearly beloved Uncle OJ, a gift from Stan directly with heavy orange overtones. He ended up burning the remains, it left him locked to the cabin for a solid two weeks even with the windows open. He hasn't been able to shake the lung pain since, even after a death by bear attack.

He's smoking his last bud of the year (sadly nothing more than CBD), tossed it into the wood stove to just smoke out the place, when there's a knock on his door. The woods don't usually send something to knock on his door and kill him, try to kill him at least. They usually snuffle around the porch and blacked out windows while he circles with his shotgun, ready to shoot at any moment because that's dinner. Instead he grabs the pistol, cocks it, and gingerly walks up to the front door.

"Open the fucking door, Kenny!" Another knock, much louder, much more aggravated.

"He's probably out hunting," The voice is a bit more hushed.

The sound of something dropping on the porch, "I smuggled a plant just for him and he's out hunting when we finally track him down, what a fucking waste."

"Just leave it on the porch,"

"It'll freeze!"

"It's just weed you stoner piece of shit!"

"You're one to talk considering you're Tegridy's most loyal customer asshole!"

Kenny swings open the door to find three familiar faces, one of which standing in between Cartman and Stan to prevent them from killing each other. On the ground beside Stan is a plant that reaches up to his waist in size, crystalized bits clouding the leaves.

"Hi Ken," Kyle said, loud enough to snap Cartman and Stan from their bickering.

"I'm pretty sure you guys are gonna get frostbite if you make another dumbass trek out here," Kenny answered with.

"Then move out of the fucking doorway and let in your friends," Cartman snapped as he shoved aside Kyle with ease.

Kenny gladly slid to the side and his friends filtered in one at a time, except for Cartman who retreated back to the car. Stan hauled in the plant.

"What flavor is it?" Kenny asked eagerly as he reached for one the buds.

"No taste tests man," Stan chided, "But, it's just another Uncle OJ, dads thinking about canceling the line."

"Randy's canceling Uncle OJ? But, it's the Tegridy special."

"Apparently someone found a stray clipping laying around and cloned a fuckton of plants from it, it's all over town,"

"I could go down there and burn it,"

"Don't be an idiot," He placed down the plant at the foot of Kenny's bed, "You remember how to tend to these plants, right?"

Kenny nodded, "Obviously, I've been living off that CBD one you got me since Citrus Dream and Sugar Rush were lost in a cold snap."

"You lost Sugar Rush?" Stan asked.

"Again, cold snap, out of my control," Kenny retorted with.

Three bags of something are dropped at the door before Cartman nudges the door shut with his foot. Kenny glances over to find said bags to be some of those reusable bags the world practically mandated.

"I swear to god Kenny, you need to start chipping the ice on your porch," Cartman snarled as he slid down to the floor and reached into one of the bags. He pulled out a bundle of magazines, "They stopped printing playboys after you left."

"They stopped printing playboys?" He sounds distraught.

Kyle gave a hum, "Just recently, you're lucky that Cartman is still a sleaze who can't get laid."

"Shut up Kyle!" Cartman cleared his throat, "As I was saying, I got all the playboys you don't have," He handed the bundle to Stan who handed it to Kenny, "Thought you might enjoy them cause unless you're making love to the things you kill then you aren't getting any bitches out here."

Stan fakes a disgusted gag at the notions, Kyle scrunches up his face in disgust, Kenny just shrugs.

"You'd be shocked at how good of a dildo a single barrel shotgun can make," There goes his filter, there went his filter, he lost it a long time ago. And judging by the reactions his suspicions of fucking oneself with a gun being not normal are confirmed.

"And I'm glad to say that you haven't changed a bit," Cartman said as he rummaged through a second bag. He tossed a pack of something to Kenny, who held the package looking rather perplexed, "Advil, for when your CBD tolerance is so high you'll overdose before you get relief."

"You know me so well," Kenny said as he popped open the top drawer of his desk and slid it in along with all the other things he never made use of.

"That I fucking do," Cartman said before pulling up and chair next to the wood stove. He pulled out a sewing kit, "Karen asked me to fix up your jacket."

Kenny shrugged off his parka, "I'll have you know it's just fine," He said while tactfully avoiding the large tear. He balls it up and tosses it to Cartman, "Since when did you learn to sew?"

"Since he outgrew the largest size," Kyle sneered, rolling onto his stomach atop the comfortable mess of blankets.

Cartman just ignores the comment, "I'll have a hard time taking a eulogy seriously if my mom is wearing one of her slut dresses in the coffin."

"So you're gonna make your mom a dress for when she's dead?" Stan asked as he dropped down onto the floor next to the bed.

"Look, would you attend your dads funeral if he was wearing boxers with pink hearts on them and nothing else? I thought so," Cartman said as he came too a patch that was falling off, underneath it was a large gash.

"That's," The ravenette has a hard time finding a good word, "Sweet," Not the right word at all but it'll do.

There's this comfortable pause of silence between them, like they're just four idiot kids at the bus stop all over again. The crackle and pop of fire is the only difference, and the fact that the burning smell of weed is starting to lay heavy on the air. Kenny slides open the bottom drawer of his desk, the drawer he fills with the cool things he finds.

"Think fast,"

Kyle barely has time to react to the words, let alone catch what's being thrown his way. He props himself up against the wall a bit as he inspects the thing, "What is it?"

"Cool looking stick I thought you might like," Kenny answered with as he pulled out another thing and tossed it to Stan, "Cool looking rock."

"I don't get anything?" Cartman teased as he pulled the patch back into place, one leg crossed over the other.

Kenny sifted through his drawer of trinkets before tossing one to Cartman, "Grenade pin."

The brunette stuffs it in his back pocket, "Wicked."

"How come he gets the coolest thing?" Kyle whined as he twirled the stick between his fingers.

"It's swarming with whatever germs are inside of a bears liver," The blonde said and Cartman shudders at the notions but does nothing to get rid of the gift.

He just echoes back another, "Wicked," as he ties a knot in the embroidery thread and moves onto another tear. "How teared up did you manage to get this ratty old thing?"

Kenny shrugged, "It gets the job done."

"You'd be better off just running 'round stark naked with how fucked this thing is," Cartman said with a condescending edge to his voice.

"Fatso, watch your mouth, he could kick us out," Kyle snapped to the best of his ability. He rolled back onto his stomach with a hum.

"How much THC was in that weed?"

"What weed?"

"The stuff you're burning right now, I can smell it," Stan said.

"None," Kenny said, he grabbed the glass jar and tossed it to Stan, "All of it's CBD, I lost the goods in the cold snap man."

The ravenette popped open the jar and took a heavy huff. He coughed a bit at the potency, "First of all, use separate jars for separate strains, secondly, I'm pretty sure some OJ rubbed off on the bud you're burning."

"What makes you say that," The blonde twisted his chair to rest his chin on the backrest. He tapped steel tipped boots on the ground.

"I think Kyle's getting fried," Cartman said, nodding towards the redhead, "That or he's never used CBD and the sudden lack of stress and back pain is getting him wasted."

"Shut up,"

"He's baked," Cartman said confidently.

Stan gives a hum, "Can't get baked on CBD."

"CBD highs are wicked good for sleeping," Kenny countered with before a jacket came colliding into him, "Give some warning!"

Cartman said nothing as he rearranged his sewing kit, "You're so fucking lucky I know how to sew."

Kenny just rolled his eyes and tossed the bundle of fabric to the floor, "So, Kyle's fucking stoned."

"I'm not," Kyle said, he sounded just a bit distant, "I don't usually sit around in a room full of weed smoke."

"Any suggestions on what the fuck to do?" Kenny asked.

"We could just chat," Stan offered, "Chattings nice."

"I could go shoot up a rabbit, cook something up," Kenny offered cautiously.

"Want me to make sure they don't have sex on your bed?" Cartman offered.

"Those two are dating?" He sounds incredulous as he asks, pivoting to face Cartman a bit more.

"We are not dating," Stan growled out and Cartman just laughs.

"Whatever your arrangements are, I want some," He's joking, a bit, he's definitely not genuine when he says it, "Besides, that bed needs to see some action."

"Don't die out there," Kyle chimed in with from the bed.

Kenny tugs on his parka, bright orange now faded, and slings on his gun, "I won't, be back soon."

"I'll deal with the fire while you're out," Cartman offered up, but Kenny knows it's not an offer you say no too.

-/-/-/-

Cartman did a damn good job stitching together Kenny's jacket, it hasn't held this much heat for a long time. He manages one rabbit, shockingly plump despite the stringiness winter months usually cause. It's blood is splattered across the white fur in such a way it's almost comical, it's still warm as hauls it back.

He nudges open the door and slides it shut with his foot, clicking on the safety and dropping down his gun. He drops the rabbit on top of his desk of many purposes and reaches into the middle drawer for his skinning knife.

"Kenny, help," Came Cartman's hushed voice from the bed.

The blonde startled just a bit before turning to face Cartman who had Stan and Kyle leaning onto him from one side. They're asleep and curled up together under one of Cartman's arms. Kenny frowns, "Did you guys have sex without me?"

"Dude, first of all, gross," His nose wrinkles in disgust at the thought alone, "Second of all, they dragged me over- and lastly, can you open a window before I get thoroughly smoked out."

"Yeah, totally man," He perched himself on his chair to pop open the highest window. Cool air filtered in comfortably as he sat back and and returned to skinning his catch.

"I brought food,"

"I know,"

"You've been eating enough lately, right?"

"I've been living off of rabbits," Kenny gave a snort of laughter at the idiocy of Cartman's concern, "In all seriousness, definitely not, I usually have some berries in the spring."

Cartman went to move, and it drew a whine from both Kyle and Stan. He glares at Kenny, "You will not tell anyone of this."

"I won't," Kenny lied as he shucked sectionals of muscle from bone. It was a swift job, he had two piles on either side of the desk and another splash of blood on the one framed picture he had of his friends.

"You should come back to town sometime," Cartman said, what he didn't say was that he missed Kenny, that was implied.

"No can do," He reached for the pot always resting on the back of the wood stove. It had leftover broth from yesterdays meal, it was still good. He pulled it closer to the hottest part of the stove top before dropping in the bones to boil away the nutrients.

"You seriously don't wanna hit up the Peppermint Hippo with me?"

"I've moved on,"

"Sure you have, look at your walls, pinups as far as the eye can see," There's this shaming shake of the head.

"That's different!" He slid the meat into a separate bucket and sealed it shut.

Kenny defiantly left the room, hauling the bucket into the snow to keep the meat chilled. He hangs his jacket up above the wood stove to dry it off and leaves his boots at the door.

"Room for one more?"

Cartman shrugged, "It's your cabin," he still held out an arm for Kenny despite trying to be aloof.

That's more than enough incentive for Kenny to launch onto the bed which creaked in dismay at the unprecedented amount of weight. He pushed himself against Cartman's side and his friend tugged him even closer, resting his head against Kenny's.

"Dude," Kenny began, "This is-"

"Pretty gay? Just shut up or I'll leave you to deal with Stan and Kyle on your own," Cartman finished, threat to his tone despite how quietly he spoke.

"Alright," He hoisted himself up a bit more, to rest some of himself on Cartman, "If the bed breaks I'm blaming it on you."

And Cartman laughs, a single note, "Sure you will, I'll try and rake up enough cash to buy you a new one if it does."

"Thanks man,"

"You're welcome,"

"No like, for coming on up, I missed you guys,"

"You should come to town sometimes then,"

"Walk all the way there to just be disappointed by the fact that Karen is still stuck at home? I'll pass,"

Cartman pauses, "Still, you should come to town,"

"Wow man, you're so compassionate,"

"It's one of my more desirable traits,"

Kenny just curled up into Cartman a little bit more, hand rubbing his upper arm gently. He drifted off into a comfortable haze of half sleep pretty fast while pressed up against Cartman. He gently held onto Stan and Kyle, tugging them a bit closer despite his better judgement, thank god they're asleep.

"Love you bro," Came Kenny's sleepy words, "And Stan, 'n Kyle."

"They're asleep,"

#south park #kenny mccormick #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #stan marsh #south park fanfiction #stylennyman #if you so desire to read it as such #writing #fanfic #fanfiction #tw weed

[sipsteainanxiety]

loving you [4] || katsuki b.

pairing: bakugou katsuki x reader

word count: 2.8k+

mentions: still no pronouns mentioned i blv, wow i say that a lot huh, fluff, kinda sloppy sorry

part three

Sometimes the Ground Zero agency got extremely busy. 

It wasn’t the kind of busy where everyone was running around, organizing something in the wake of a particularly rough villain attack. No, it was the kind of busy that only occurred when other pro-heroes were visiting—be it for business, or to just annoy the shit out of Dynamight. Which, you found out, happened more often than not.

You were introduced to Pinky, Chargebolt, and Cellophane pretty soon after getting hired for the support department of the agency. They were loud and energetic as hell, especially when put together. They caused chaos in the agency no matter what the time was, always messing around or poking fun at Dynamight. Of course, they had their serious moments—they knew the difference between times where they could be lackadaisical and times where they had to be in constant hero mode. But, in any case, it was always a delight to talk to them and see what they were up to. They were fun, simply put.

Besides, it was always amusing to see them rile up Dynamight—even if you knew he wasn’t all that irked by their presence at all. He’d have banned them from setting foot in his co-owned agency if that was the case, though you doubted that would have stopped them.

You found out, early on, that they sometimes liked to drop by the agency on Friday evenings with plans to head over to a restaurant for drinks and catching up. It was their biweekly meet up that they’d apparently been doing since graduating from U.A. Pinky always liked to extend the invite to you whenever she managed to catch you around the agency, but almost every time you felt a bit strange intruding on their friend time—even if they were really nice and accommodating. 

Today was no exception. Pinky had managed to find you squatting in one of the break rooms and was particularly insistent on getting you to join.  

“Oh come on!!!” she pleaded with you, one of her perfectly manicured hands gripping onto your arm tightly—but not tight enough to hurt. “It’s always fun when you join!! Please!!” 

“I… I don’t know, Pinky…” You grimaced slightly, then had to do your best to not get jostled all over the place as she shook you back and forth. 

“I told you to call me Ashido!!! We’ve known each other for like, two years!!” She frowned at you in a nonthreatening manner that made you give her a sheepish smile. 

“Sorry, force of habit.” It was hard calling them by their real names when all you’d known were their hero personas before getting hired. 

Ashido puffed her cheeks out at you then released your arm so she could put her hands on her hips and give you a calculating look. “No topic changes!! I know what you’re doing!! You’re gonna join us whether you like it or not!”

“Ashido,” you started, “I really do have a lot of work—”

“Yo, are y’all coming or what? The others are waiting downstairs.” 

Both you and Ashido turned your heads towards the entrance of the break room to see Chargebolt and Cellophane lingering in the doorway. They were giving the two of you expectant looks. Ashido pointed her hand at you and said your name loudly, followed by “keeps saying no!!” 

“Whaaat?!” Chargebolt looked at you with raised eyebrows atop wide eyes. “C’mon!! Why not? You’re always invited, you know.” 

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to go. It was just… well… you knew Dynamight was going to be there and you weren’t sure you could be in the same space as him for a long period of time without conflagrating on sight. Especially with what had happened in his office a few days ago. You just… couldn’t stop thinking about him, and you were sure it would get worse if you went with them to their little restaurant. You had a job to do, damnit! And that wasn’t to pine after your boss all day! 

Maybe they’d seen some of your thoughts on your face—or at least garnered that part of you wanted to go, but something was holding you back—for they all exchanged glances then turned to look at you in a way that made you involuntarily take a step back. You knew those expressions—they were planning something. 

“Commence operation ‘grab-n-go’!” Chargebolt suddenly announced, a mischievous look spreading across his face. 

“Operation—?” You barely had time to widen your eyes before Cellophane lifted his elbow in your direction and shot a strand of tape at you. A yelp escaped your lips when Ashido caught the end and started rapidly wrapping it around your torso, trapping your arms at your sides. You were so flabbergasted that all you could do was stand there and dart your eyes between them. “What are you guys—?!!!”

“Done!!” Ashido interrupted you, and before you could process that they’d trapped you in tape, you felt yourself get picked up and slung over a shoulder. You let out an oof, still caught up with what the hell had happened before. 

“Let’s roll out!” Chargebolt announced from beneath you—when the hell had he gotten so close?!—before he jogged out of the break room, one of his hands wrapped around your waist while the other patted the back of your thigh. “Quick!! Before the shock wears off!!”

“Put me down!!” you muffled out as much as you could with your face pressed against his back. You could hear the ding of the elevator as they all crowded inside to head to the ground floor. “Please!!”

“No!!”

“This is for your own good,” Ashido said from somewhere to your right as she followed after Chargebolt once the elevator doors reopened. 

“Also, it’s hilarious,” Cellophane added from the front. You let out a huff, your face heating up slightly. You really, really didn’t want anyone else to see you like this. Especially not—you swallowed heavily—especially not Dynamight.

“This is so humiliatinggg,” you groaned, trying not to move too much for fear of slipping off Chargebolt’s shoulder—though you knew he would catch you. His grip around your waist was practically iron-tight. 

“You should’ve just agreed, then.” Ashido clicked her tongue at you as you all stepped outside. The air was cool against your exposed skin. You didn’t even have time to grab your things before you all left. Great. You kept your gaze trained on the cement ground beneath you as Chargebolt called out Kirishima’s name and jogged in some direction. 

“What the— What’d you guys do??” You heard Kirishima say, sounding confused.  

“I’m being kidnapped,” you said, kicking your legs slightly. “Help.”

“Oi,” a familiar voice growled out closer than you’d expected, “Dunceface, let go. Now.” Wait no, but then he’d see how red your face was—

“Yeesh, okay okay, no need to glare at me like that, Blasty,” Chargebolt replied as he leaned forward and set you on the ground. You frowned at him as he stepped back, his hands raised, and gave you a cheeky grin. 

“I’m never hanging with you again.” You sniffed, then turned around abruptly. You nearly flinched back when you saw Dynamight behind you. He scoffed and reached out a blazing hand to rip off the tape from your body. You took a step back once he’d unraveled it all and bunched it into a small ball to throw at Cellophane’s head. “...Thanks,” you told him, rubbing at your arms. You glanced up at him to see him frowning slightly. It was kind of cute. He only grunted and looked away. Great.

“Alright!” Ashido cheered, linking one of her arms with you to start leading the way. “Let’s go!! We haven’t got all night!!”

And so, you somehow found yourself crammed into a private booth of a quaint restaurant in Musutafu, sandwiched between Cellophane and Ashido. Kirishima was directly in front of you, Dynamight to his left and Chargebolt on his right. 

It was nice, honestly, being able to get a few drinks and eat some really nice Thai food. As the evening wore on, you relaxed more and more, doing your best not to focus all your attention on Dynamight. But well, it was hard. He was quiet—a satisfied kind of quiet, you thought—interjecting on occasion between his friends’ stories. Your gaze tended to drift to him when he wasn’t looking, focusing—for some reason—on the pink of his lips. 

“And— Holy shit, I can’t believe this had happened, but—” Kaminari choked out (you’d already gotten chastised by him and Sero when you used their hero names after you’d all sat down) as he slammed his glass onto the table. “But one time— One time Bakugou made this— this villain piss his pants just by looking at him!”

“Oh yeah!!” Kirishima grinned. “I remember that!! It was clearly baby’s-first-villain-moment too!”

“What look?” you asked curiously, forcing yourself to look away from Dynamight for a moment so you could look at Kaminari.  

“You know, the look,” he enunciated, leaning forward so he could at Dynamight. “Bakugou! Do the look!” 

“No,” was the blunt reply. You looked at the ash-blond to see him scowling a bit. 

“Oh c’mon bro!” Kirishima slapped a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You do it all the time! Can’t hurt!” He got a tongue click in return. 

“Yeah, don’t tell me you’re wussing out?” Sero smiled slyly, raising an eyebrow.

That certainly was effective, you mused to yourself as you saw the glare Dynamight shot towards his friend. His jaw tensed. “The hell I am,” he gritted out through clenched teeth. 

“Then do it!” Ashido leaned towards him, smiling eagerly. 

“It can’t be that bad, can it?” you wondered aloud. You rubbed your fingers idly on the rim of your glass of water. 

“Oh, honey, if you’re a villain, it’s bad,” Ashido told you before she turned back to Dynamight and snapped her fingers at him quickly. “Do it!!”

He scowled deeper, and you could have sworn he glanced at you for a split second before he spat, “Fine, fuckers.”

And with that, Dynamight let loose one of the scariest smiles you’d ever seen in your entire fucking life. 

It was wide, his white teeth bared enough to show the sharp points of his canines. His eyes were crazed, almost, as though the pure insanity of his smile was enough to affect them. You almost wanted to look away, but you couldn’t. Despite his expression, you still thought he was pretty. You were so screwed.

Even if it was scary, it was also confident. Strong. It did chill you to your bone, no doubt about it, but it was also reassuring, in a way, to know that he was on the side of good. 

Oh, that’s what they were talking about, you thought as the other heroes around you exploded into laughter at Dynamight’s expression. Nearly all the pictures online of Dynamight in battle had him with that horrifying smile that promised death. He was quick to wipe it into a deep scowl, but it was practically ingrained in your memory. 

“That’s it!!” Kaminari cry-laughed, slamming his fist on the table before him. “That’s the one!!”

“Shut up!” Dynamight hissed out when his friends just kept laughing. “A true hero fuckin’ saves people with a smile!”

For some reason, that stuck with you. And it made you think about all the times you’d seen Dynamight on the news or in articles. He was always smiling in battle. Whether that was to reassure the people he would save or threaten the villains, you didn’t know. But he really did choose to smile instead of using his signature scowl. 

It was admirable, you thought to yourself as you watched Dynamight’s scowl turn into a pout as his friends’ laughter started dying down. You had to force yourself to look away and take a drink of your water in the hopes that the others wouldn’t see how flushed your face was. 

Eventually, it was time to leave. You all stood outside the restaurant for a bit, idly chatting and saying goodbyes. 

“I needa head back to the agency to grab my things,” you said as you rubbed your hands against your arms. It had gotten significantly cooler by now and you could feel the goosebumps forming. “Since some people didn’t let me grab them before they kidnapped me.” They at least had the decency to look sheepish. 

“Oh!” Kirishima perked up and looked at you. ”Bakugou’s also got some stuff to do at the agency, right bro?”

Dynamight grunted, making you snap your head towards him. His eyes were narrowed slightly at his friend, who only smiled widely. “Needa grab some shit.” 

“Perfect!” Ashido grinned in a way that made you squint your eyes at her in suspicion. She reached out to grab the arms of Kaminari and Sero and started tugging them in the opposite direction. “Well! See y’all later! Night night!!”

“Later.” Sero threw up a peace sign and allowed Ashido to drag him away as Kaminari gave you a cheeky thumbs up. What the hell was that about? You returned Kirishima’s goodbye wave a bit hesitantly as he smiled and jogged after his friends. 

“Let’s go.” Dynamight nudged your arm and started walking in the direction of the agency. You looked at him and nodded, doing a little half-jog to catch up to his longer strides. He glanced at you as you walked side-by-side, then let out a small huff and slipped off the green cargo jacket he was wearing. “Here.” 

“Oh you really don’t have—“ you started, staring at him with wide eyes, only to hear him scoff loudly. 

“Jus’ take the damn thing before y’freeze your ass off,” he grumbled, shaking his jacket purposely at you. A huff left your lips, but you’d be a fool to decline. You took it gently from him and slipped your arms through the significantly larger sleeves. It was warm and smelled faintly of burnt caramel. You cozied yourself deeper into it and tried not to feel too giddy. 

“Thanks,” you told him, offering him a smile. He let out a hum and looked away to focus on the streets before him. Your gaze lingered on his pout, the way his lower lip stuck out, before you internally scolded yourself for staring and turned your head. 

It was quiet as the two of you walked back, though you found that you didn’t mind the silence. It was comforting. There was just something about walking with him that made you feel safe, even at this late hour. You breathed in the cool air of night deeply, then exhaled slowly, feeling yourself relax. You wished you had more moments like this—with him. Though, you’d likely never admit it out loud. 

You both soon made it back to the agency in record time and made your way down to the support lab. There were a few employees still walking around, but they didn’t bother you. 

“Don’t you have your own things to grab?” you asked as you scanned yourself in and beelined for the bench you kept your bag on. You opened it and started checking to make sure everything you had was in it—in case you accidentally left things lying around the lab, which tended to happen more often than not. 

Dynamight just made a noncommittal noise, lingering somewhere behind you. He could’ve left you and gone up to his office, but he didn’t. You spotted your own jacket haphazardly tossed on the back of a chair and headed towards it. “There it is! Here, you can have this back,” you said as you slipped out of Dynamight’s jacket and turned to give it to him. 

Only, he was much closer to you than you had expected. You jumped slightly, your nose nearly brushing against his chest as you stepped back and looked up at him, your breath caught in your throat. He was staring right at you, a furrow to his neat, pale brows that made your heart stutter. You swallowed thickly. 

“Dyna—“ you started quietly, only to cut yourself off when he let out an irate huff. His top lip curled over his teeth in displeasure. 

“Katsuki,” he bluntly stated, then his voice softened as he leaned his head down closer towards you, crowding into your space. “Call me Katsuki.” 

You exhaled gently, your eyes fluttering shut as you tilted your head up enough that your nose brushed against his and his hair tickled at your forehead. “Okay,” you breathed, “Katsuki.” 

He kissed you like you were the only thing that mattered, stealing the air straight from your lungs in a single motion that made you feel lightheaded. His lips, now that they were pressed incessantly against yours, were soft—slightly chapped, but still soft and gentle. He was delicate at first, tentatively testing the waters. But when you reached up to wrap your arms around his neck, he got bolder, tugging you close to him by your waist. You let out a pleased hum that he returned, his head tilting as one of his hands came up to cradle the back of your neck. Pleased, longing, careful.

And you stayed there for what felt like hours, drowning yourself in the taste of his lips. 

#bkg's smile>>> #it does smth to me #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #katsuki x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou x you #bakugou x y/n #latpoykb

[invisiblegarters]

Only Friends Ranking - Ep 4

Genuinely had to sit and think on this for a bit and watch certain parts of the ep again (oh what a burden) and ponder my own reactions a little. I fucking love this show.

But I want to add a little disclaimer, since I guess it's needed: these opinions are subjective. I'm not objectively sitting here ranking the messiness I'm subjectively ranking how much the messiness (or lack thereof, for now) entertains me personally. It's not a statement of fact over which character is the "villain" or the "good guy" because frankly, I don't think we have any of either (maybe in their own heads, but not in the show itself).

Okay. That out of the way let's do this.

Character Rankings (Fave to Least Fave atm)

Sand. Yep he's back on top, it felt weird to demote him last week but he was much less boring this ep. I think I'm starting to get a better read on him, which I didn't have before, and I'm enjoying what I see. While I would like him to be much more guarded against Ray in particular, I think he's just too forthright. Not just with other people but also with himself. And I wonder how much of that stems from his situation. Back before ep 1 First said that Sand doesn't have time, he is patient, he has to do a lot of things just to make ends meet, and I think that extends to his personal life as well. He knows Ray's a bad idea and he also knows he's gonna walk right into it, and I am tentatively hopeful that this is what will make him come out okayish in the end. Because at the end of the day he still isn't gonna have time for bullshit, either other people's or his own. I feel like Ray's gonna fuck that up a bit (or a lot) for a while, but in the end he'll reset to form, probably a little more jaded but altogether still fairly whole. I think that's about all we can ask for him.

I hope that the ex shows up for real. Flashbacks are fun but I want a little bit of mess and it seems clear to me that Sand still has unresolved feelings there, maybe Top too. I am also more sure than ever that he has some serious anger issues and I think we might get to see the Return of the Bat, and I for one am so very here for it. He still seems the most put together out of all of them which is a little disappointing, but again, I do wonder how much of that is because he doesn't have the time to give into the hot mess he really is. I'm very very curious to see how his relationships with both Nick and Ray affect that moving forward, because it seems like regardless of what went down with Top and the ex that better be Mix or I will revolt, he tends to keep himself fairly restrained, and those two are so openly messy and so very unrestrained that you can practically feel the car crash coming (hopefully not in the literal sense).

Also people need to stop calling him a green flag like yesterday. He is not. He's just better at compartmentalizing, give him two episodes I feel it in my bones he's gonna turn out to be a messy messy bitch.

Mew. Never let it be said that I can't admit that I was wrong. I still think that Mew is manipulative but I no longer believe that he is specifically keeping Ray on the line. Ray is keeping himself on the line, every time Mew tries to yank him off he just bites in harder. Which means it's really gonna sting in so many different ways when Mew eventually decides fuck it and does what Ray's been begging him for for two years, because I'm not sure the feeling will be there then either. But I still expect it - frankly the real surprise for me would be if Mew and Ray end the show without fucking. And while I guess it's still possible that they did sleep together two years ago in the current timeline Mew has put a firm "no" down - at least for now. And I have to respect him for it.

Kinda wish he'd stop talking Sand up to Ray though. For one, the more he pushes Sand at him the less likely Ray will actually develop organic feelings for him. For two, he needs to back away from Ray's love life wholesale until Ray no longer wants him to be intimately involved in it. It's just smarter, although I can understand why Mew might think differently.

Then again if he wants to keep noticing how lovely Sand is (he is Mew, good taste no notes) he can go right on, because I wasn't kidding when I said I was shipping this. Maybe instead of Ray Mew should have Sand be his ill-advised hookup after things with Top blow up. I for one would not say nay.

I genuinely thought I'd be annoyed if Mew were not some sort of mastermind, but I'm not. At all. That said, I still don't think he's half as innocent as the show wants us to believe. And I still feel like he's playing with Top. Oh, Top is playing back, a little, but there's something about the way he looks sometimes and the things he says ("I don't want to hide anything from you / I need you to be honest with me") that makes me feel like he's still got more going on than we're seeing. Also he has to know that Top's not gonna stop doing drugs if he sexes him up. There was something about that whole interaction that struck me as weird. I can't put my finger on it right now but it's one of the things that I am going to be chewing on in the days to come, I can already tell.

Ray. This one was a surprise, and I want to be clear. I do not like this guy, and yes, a lot of that stems from the fact that he's set up to hurt my fave, but also he's a wrecking ball in human form and the worst thing about him is that he is an aimless one. Boston is a wrecking ball too but he's pointing himself in one direction; Ray just swings wildly in every direction because he himself is aimless, he doesn't know who he is or what he wants and that is dangerous, especially when you add in his substance abuse and his struggles with depression (look I don't like armchair psychoanalyzing but yeah, depression is what I am going to call it). He feels worthless and hopeless, he hates himself, and the problem with that is that no one else will ever be enough. He will turn his hatred against anyone who cares for him because he hates himself so much that he truly does not understand how anyone else could like him, and the self-hate turns into a weird derision for anyone who tries to see past the shell.

Mew is only exempt from this, I think, because he doesn't want Ray in the way Ray so desperately wants to be wanted. He loves him, he cares for him and tries to build him up, but he is not in love, he can and will step away if Ray is becoming too much, he will set boundaries and stick to them. So Ray's ire can't fall on him because he's reinforcing all the things Ray thinks about himself: that he's a burden, that he's too much, that he drives people away, that he's so unlovable even his own mother couldn't love him.

Sand, however. Sand is gonna fall right into the trap that Ray is laying for him, and oh boy is Ray gonna make him pay for it.

I was surprised by how much he seems to have held on to all the mean things Sand's called him, though. Not that he held on to them as further proof of who he is but that it was Sand specifically that was calling him those things. That was interesting and unexpected.

I do not think that Ray genuinely cares about either Mew or Sand as people at this juncture, but I also don't think that it's on purpose. He's a drowning man grasping at any and everyone within reach who is treading water, and he can't look past his own panic at not being able to get enough air to understand or care if he's dragging others down with him.

So yes. I do not like him but I find him utterly fascinating and Khaotung is killing it. That bathtub scene was amazing and painful (and yes I'm still feeling smug for calling it, mostly because I made a bet with my friend and now they owe me fic. Man do I love profiting off of being right. It's like Christmas AND my birthday) and finally made me understand why he clings to Mew so hard, and why he will keep clinging in spite of everything that happened this ep, in spite of having someone else who wants to care for him the way Mew won't, in spite of probably trying to think of something (or someone) else.

But the sad, sad truth that Ray will have to face (maybe not in this show but eventually, as a character) is that it's no one else's job to fulfill him, and they can't anyway. He's gotta learn to love himself before he can really love anyone else, or let them love him. I can't get over the idea that at some point he's gonna have to break his own heart to figure that out.

Nick. He gets this spot just for the way he smiled at Top like "bitch I know Boston's the worst, do you really think I'm not?" I knew he wasn't gonna go to Mew with the sex recording though because he wants Boston and breaking Top and Mew up at this point is counterproductive to his goals. Still think that he should blackmail Boston into a real relationship though. Opportunity wasted. Also he's making me very wary of wanting to take my phone into IT if I ever break it, lol. Because you know Boston didn't give him his passcode.

I'm also curious why he went for Top because he has to know it was Boston pushing things this whole time.

Boston. He went from winning last ep to being kind of pathetic this ep. The elevator scene in particular. I was embarrassed for him. Don't tell me that he really thought that Top would just give up and start fucking him on the regular after one night? Come on. Top's pettier than that, my dude. He's gonna make you feel like a pathetic loser for it as well as renew his efforts with Mew just to prove that he can do everyone one better.

I have to admit I am curious what makes him pull the "I want to try settling into something" thing with Nick next ep. Does he suspect that Nick knows more than he's saying? Does Top outright tell him he does?

I am also looking forward to him or NIck causing some havoc with Ray and Sand. One of them is gonna spill the RayMew beans, right? Boston would do it out of pure nastiness, but Nick I think values Sand as a friend and would do it as a warning. Or maybe he's like Boston and will hold onto it for when Sand pisses him off...

Top. Frankly unless we find out that Boston has further evidence of Ray and Mew actually fucking or at least showed him some sort of manipulated vid, I think he's a complete dumbass. You don't get to police who the guy you're with now kissed before he even knew you existed (or did he? 👀👀👀). Literally the only reason I was on his side was that if they fucked it was less about the fucking and more about the deliberate dishonesty, but let's be real, even that is a little sketch. Especially when you yourself don't know how many people you've slept with.

However I also kind of want to be weirdly charitable and say that maybe it has less to do with being pettily annoyed that Mew *dared* to have some sort of non-platonic contact with someone else before him and more being blindsided by how much the idea of Mew playing with him hurt. Whether that's because players hate being played or because he has genuine feeling for Mew I'm on the fence about.

But I still think Boston showed him sex. Because he was very insistent about that point. Whether it was RayMew sex or something else I do believe there was something. And I wanted to look at that scene again to see what Mew's face does when he replies but youtube at this point youtube told me to go f myself so no dice.

Also I think we all called the addiction problems. Dude's a mess. And he's not going to stop being a mess for sex.

Relationships (most to least fave atm)

This time I'm not just going to include romantic relationships because finally we're seeing some real meat out of the other interactions.

BostonNIck. Genuinely I think these two of the best chance of actually working out right now, very much in a "they deserve each other" way. Neither one of them knows what boundaries are and they're both obsessive af. If they turn that on each other they're doing society a favor, lol.

SandTop. You know what I would love? If Top was actually into Sand and deliberately lured his ex away to make him available. Of course that's not where we're going but that's why fanfiction exists. But weirdly I do think that Sand hates Top more than Top hates him - maybe he feels remorse for stealing his ex. Maybe they were friendly before he did that. I don't know. I do know that I want them to make out about it and I will never stop. You hear me? I will. Never. Stop.

SandNick. These two are gonna be fun. You can just tell by the way that Sand didn't even bat an eye when Nick was like hey listen to this audio recording I got when I bugged my FWB's car.

TopMew. Both still playing games. The balance of power between these two fascinates me because it seems to switch back and forth at will. I still feel like neither of them is *really* feeling much but I wonder if and when that will change.

MewRay. It's the only thing I can't make myself ship, but I thought that their whole dynamic was super interesting this ep. I can understand Mew trying to build Ray up, especially as he seems to be the only one who is privy to how deep Ray's issues go, and I can also understand Ray latching on to him hard because of that. When he kissed Mew while Mew was trying to sleep I recoiled from my screen so hard it physically hurt, lol. I do not know if that was the intention but it's what happened. Ideally I'd love it if they came out of this mess stronger friends but not sleeping together or paired romantically, but I don't have the highest hopes for it.

SandRay. I'm gonna be frank. Ray doesn't need a boyfriend. He needs a therapist and possibly a stint in rehab. Sand's gonna bash himself on this one like a bird against glass and it's gonna hurt him a lot. They're gonna flare hot and bright and burn to ash, but maybe, just maybe, they'll be able to emerge from the ashes as friends. It isn't lost on me that they do genuinely seem to get on even when they're not preluding to sex. For me this really depends on how fast it falls apart. If they've split by ep 9 I can really see a friendship emerging from this, but if not...nope.

Franky this one worries me. Because Ray latches on and it would be very easy for him to become far too dependent on Sand far too fast, and that's the last thing that either of them needs. Whether they fall in love or not (and I still think Sand will and Ray probably will not) is immaterial. If Sand (because for better or worse it's gonna have to be Sand) doesn't catch on fast enough to what Ray's doing with him it's gonna spell trouble, even without any interference from an outside party or even counting in Ray's continued feelings for Mew.

Sand clearly wants to be with Ray as equals, whether their relationship remains just friends or something else. And Ray is incapable of fulfilling that wish as he is.

SandMew. New ship alert! They should make out. The only reason it gets lowest billing is that it's a pipe dream comprised of one line from Mew and the fact that they both would be very good at communicating their needs with each other, at least from what we've seen thus far.

#only friends #only friends the series #rankings

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Corrupted, chapter ten: A Sopping Wet Cat - a Malevolent x TMA crossover

Between elderly Lara Croft and the deeply-adoptable Jonathan Sims, Tim's feeling less alone.

Now if only Bouchard and Hastur weren't playing footsie while Tim tries to find his own footing…

Chapter ten of Corrupted, a Malevolent x TMA crossover.

AO3

--------------

It’s after five p.m., but Tim is sure Bouchard will let them in. He doesn’t even bother calling this time before taking the bus. If Hastur is right, and Bouchard can see just about everything, he’ll know they’re coming.

Tim’s not sure how he feels about omniscience actually being real and belonging to just… some guy.

The gods in this world might be dead, but they exist, and that throws his entire philosophy of life into question. Even worse, they were eaten by something worse—which begs the question of what the fuck a god actually is.

“Is that guy a god?” he murmurs into his earpods.

Who?

“Bouchard.”

No.

“Right. How are we defining gods?”

How do you define a cat?

Tim purses his lips. “Guess you know a cat when you see one, huh?”

Indeed.

“So it’s not just a power thing, apparently, given that this guy isn’t one. Did that mean there were gods without power, too?”

Yes, actually. Hastur sounds warm again. You can be so very smart, Tim.

“Flattery will get you everywhere, blah blah blah,” Tim mumbles.

Hastur laughs softly.

Tim falls silent. He has a lot to process.

At least it’s easier to reach the Magnus Institute now that he can see. The area is truly lovely; old buildings, probably all National Trust, absolutely clean sidewalks (he can’t imagine the army of people paid to preserve that), and discreet little signs that don’t stick out in any way because reputation matters more here than advertising.

“Oh it's expensive,” Tim sings to and I'm so happy. “So damned expensive! Couldn’t afford a cup of tea! Bet the coffee tastes like pee!”

Hastur laughs. What on earth are you doing?

“Being delightful so the poor police don’t come out and nab me.”

Unlikely to work as a deterrent.

"Well, a guy's gotta try." And then Time spots a slight man in a sweater-vest juggling and losing his folders in a spray of knowledge all over the steps.

“Damn and blast!” the fellow announces like an eighty-year-old, and Tim knows who he is.

“Hey, Jon, right?” Tim says, jogging lightly toward him. “Let me help.”

“Oh! Mister Stoker.” Jon blinks at him. Then behind him. Then at him again, looking confused.

Tim turns and sees nothing. He shrugs and turns back, bending to gather papers. “Sorry I don’t know what order all this goes in.”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter,” says Jon in a deeply peevish way. “She’s not going to organize them anyway.”

“She?” says Tim.

“I have been reassigned to the archives,” says Jon with a little sniff, and pushes his glasses up his nose. “There, I have discovered that Ms. Robinson has no sense of order, nor a positive attitude toward anyone who wants to help.” He stops. His eyes widen. “I am so sorry. This isn’t any of your trouble. Please don’t say… er, anything. I’m very grateful for the opportunity.”

Just listening yesterday, Tim had thought Jon was a prick. Looking at him today, he’s certain Jon is actually a nerd—probably a bullied one—who’s wearing spiky intellectual armor to stay safe.

Tim knows the type. He’s adopted a few in the past. “Mum's the word, boss," he says, and hands over a sheaf of paper back.

Jon stuffs them into folders without any attempt at organizing. His face looks hot. “I’m sorry to have inconvenienced you, Mister Stoker.”

“Tim, please. I’m gonna be around for a bit, so no need to be so formal, yeah?”

Jon’s shoulders untense. “You are? That’s, ah, good to know? I’m sorry, but this is after business hours, and we’re closed.”

“Naw. Elias will let me in,” says Tim.

“Oh! He’s expecting you?” says Jon. “And I’m keeping you! Come along, now, let’s not waste any more time,” he says as if the delay were Tim’s idea, and scurries up the stairs.

What an annoying little man, says Hastur.

Nope. Dorky in the extreme, maybe; he definitely knows the type. Tim grins and follows.

Jon juggles folders and keys; ungraciously accepts a hand with the folders; drops his keys; and finally, face red, gets the door open. “I’m glad to hear we were able to help you. Nasty things, Leitners.”

“Leitners?”

“That bookplate. Jurgen Leitner owned evil books—and legitimately produced some of the few verifiable supernatural occurrences on record.” Jon gives him a challenging look.

Tim just wants to scoop him up and wrap him in a scarf and make him watch some sci-fi. “I believe you.”

The relief is visible. “You do?”

“Seen some things. Yes.”

“I’m really glad we can do something for you,” says Jon. “You know, it’s very strange. I’ve worked here for three years, and I've never once seen Elias get involved in any—”

“Mister Sims, what are you doing?”

And there she is—the little old lady who doesn't look like a bad-ass god-fighting machine, but definitely is. She's tiny; conservatively dressed. She’d be cute if she weren't so severe. Her reading glasses hang from a chain around her neck, and though she lacks any obvious weapons, she still has books in her jacket pockets.

Tim wonders which one's the flamethrower.

Tread carefully, Hastur says, unnecessarily. I don’t know what she remembers after Kayne’s intervention.

“Ms. Robinson,” Jon stammers. “He’s, ah. There’s been a, ah.”

"Hello," says Tim. "Your boss asked for me."

Her look flatly dismisses what he says like wiping away footprints in the sand. "Did he."

Jon looks confused. He's frozen, folders bulked under one arm, keys still in hand.

"He did!" says Tim brightly. "So why don't we all go and see what happens?"*

The old woman stares him down.

Gimlet eyes, Tim thinks, having encountered the phrase in publishing a few times, but never before now actually seeing them.

"Let's do that," she decides, and gestures toward the darkened Institute and Elias’ office. "In we all go now, chop chop," says elderly Lara Croft.

He's already inside. Bouchard. It's safe to enter.

Tim would give a lot of money to know how Hastur knew that, but he can't ask now. He smiles his absolute warmest at both of them and walks into what he desperately hopes is not his tomb.

#

Bouchard is waiting for them, standing in his office doorway. Tim feels weirdly justified. “Thank you, Gertrude,” says Bouchard. “Tim, if you please—right this…” He stops. Stares. “Interesting,” he murmurs.

“Are you sure you want to handle this?” says the murderous old bat.

“Yes, it’ll be fine. He’s not a danger,” says Bouchard.

He’s lying. You are.

Bouchard’s look. It’s hungry. What the hell.

“Jon,” says Bouchard, suddenly. “I will need to see you after this meeting. All right? Clear your schedule. It’s going to be a bit of a thing.”

Jon looks absolutely spooked. “Sure, of course, Elias. Right.”

Lara “Gertrude” Croft looks highly suspicious.

“Right,” says Jon, glancing back and forth. “Um.” He flees.

“That guy needs a movie night,” Tim says.

Gertrude stares at him.

“You know. With friends? A bit of beer, or something? Snacks? Everybody cozy in socks? Bras off?”

She stares harder.

“Right. Maybe you need one, too,” says Tim.

Bouchard clears his throat. “Shall we?”

“Sure.” Tim gives her his brightest smile.

She does not respond. Well, now she’s a challenge.

Bouchard’s look has not changed. Thoughtful. Penetrative. He gestures to the seat across from his desk and sits behind it, fingers steepled.

“You really make a guy sweat with a look like that,” says Tim.

“I’m glad to hear it,” says Bouchard. “And please—do call me Elias.”

Tim shifts. “We’re all on first-name basis here, I guess. Tim.”

Elias does a little gracious nod. “So you’ve had an adventure of some kind since I last saw you,” he says. “For one thing, your vision has swapped hands, if you'll pardon my mixing of metaphors."

“How did you—yeah. That happened. Also, that old bat out there tried to kill me for no damn reason?”

She was aggressive, says Hastur.

“I must apologize for her, not that I have any control over her, really,” he says. “The fact is that when it’s time to stop her, I’m going to have to kill her—but she makes a marvelous distraction in the meantime, doesn’t she?”

What an absolutely fucked up thing to say. “I’m not sure I can agree with that?” says Tim.

Yes… I see your point, says Hastur, because of course, it makes sense to him. And she has done so since before you claimed this body, am I right?

Elias’ smile grows teeth. “I see you don’t miss much.”

No.

“I am mindful of it,” says Elias.

I’d guess… in the neighborhood of two centuries?

“Very good! Yes. I’m surprised one such as yourself would be aware of such mortal lifetimes.”

Hastur responds like a cat petted along its spine, arching its arse in the air. I’ve had to pay attention to such things. Human bodies are… regrettably fragile.

What the actual hell?

Tim frowns, feeling the anger rising, trying to push it down. “Hey, old guys. I’m still here, you know,” he says.

“Yes, and that is a perfect segue,” says Elias, smooth as fucking butter. “I don’t know what happened yesterday. I know Gertrude came back with her memory altered; I know whatever you got involved with raised a sort of… fog through which I could not see.”

“So you were watching,” says Tim.

“I watch everything I can,” says Elias, as though this is perfectly normal. “That is how I serve my patron. But I could not see what happened.”

Tim doesn’t care to tell him. Elias just rubs him wrong.

Chaos. That’s what happened.

“Vague, but fair enough. I cannot even see the memories in your head, Tim, which tells me on one level how strong the forces we’re dealing with are—but there is one thing I do see. You have been marked.”

Tim feels… bad?

He hunches a little. It’s not a familiar feeling, this. He's not even sure "bad" is the right word. “Yeah. Apparently, I’m doomed to become a rage monster, la-di-da.”

“This does place me in an awkward position,” says Elias. “You have, in a manner of speaking, been claimed by a patron other than mine, and they tend to be… possessive.”

Yet you have not thrown us out, says Hastur warmly (because the manipulation seems to have worked), and Tim frowns just a pinch harder.

“Naturally. I’ve never seen anything like this—which means, I fear, that you are practically catnip for me.”

And the two old assholes laugh, and Tim has almost had enough.

(But should he have had enough?)

(Wouldn’t he be more patient with this nonsense, normally?)

“Right,” Tim says. “So. I’m going to assume you also saw what happened at the police station.”

“I did. Most unfortunate.”

"We had something of a plan about that."

“Yes, and I may be able to help you with it—if you’re willing to make a deal.”

Here we go again, Tim thinks. “If you’re already watching, what difference does it make?”

“All the difference. It changes your perception of events, and alters how you feel. It becomes a gift to my patron—given under duress, which is even better—and thus, empowers me.”

Tim stares. “At least you’re honest.”

Surprisingly honest, says Hastur darkly.

Elias shrugs. “The fact is that you're difficult to see into, which is... unusual for me. Surface thoughts are easy; but I don't even know your name.”

He didn’t mean Tim. “You don’t know?”

“I can’t see it. I can see his memory of himself, but not his name—it’s clouded, even in your mind.”

We really are catnip to this guy, Tim thinks. “You don’t have to tell him,” says Tim.

I know. I’m weighing whether his aid is worth whatever price he extracts.

“I assure you, whatever ‘price I extract’ is going to be observation-based. That is, after all, what I’m all about.”

And that was weird. Very weird. Because Tim thinks Elias just lied.

There’s no reason for it. He can’t see any difference in face or body language. But he’s sure Elias lied. He’s getting something out of this beyond observation. Anger bubbles, slowly simmering.

I’ve had… various names.

Elias is looking so damned intense. “I would love to know. It might even help me refine my current thought on how to give you some… support.”

“Don’t give away the farm,” says Tim.

I see no reason to hold this back, Hastur decides.

“If you’re sure.” Tim is not sure.

I have been called Hastur. The Unspeakable One. I have been called… the King in Yellow.

Elias’ eyes light up like he just won the lottery. “Phenomenal,” he whispers. “Lord of Carcosa. Regaled in a gown of yellow, twice as tall as any man! Majestic, he glides over the ground to take his throne in lost Carcosa, for he is the king that was and shall be!”

“Oh, boy,” Tim says.

Yes, Hastur says.

“Well… I am, I will not lie, deeply honored,” Elias lies, and does a proper bow as he says it so Hastur can tell by the sound that he lowered his head.

Tim wonders if this really is the better option than cultists.

The metaphorical lid is beginning to bounce on the pot of his anger, clanging, jarring out of place with rising rage—and Elias sees. Tim knows that he sees.

Elias is enjoying this.

Rein it in, Tim tells himself, because this isn’t like him, this isn’t usual, he’s a patient man, he’s dealt with shit like this from shitty managers all in the past, this isn’t new, this… he doesn’t have to… he…

“Your self-control is extraordinary,” says Elias, softly. “I’m very impressed, Tim. And I appreciate it. I don’t particularly want to be burned—so I thank you.”

At least that time, he wasn’t lying.

Tim.

“What?” Tim snaps between clenched teeth.

Please.

Well, fuck, what’s Tim supposed to do with that?

They’re both waiting to see what he does with that.

Come on, you, he thinks. Pull it together. He breathes slowly. Deeply. Shuddering.

“You are remarkable,” says Elias, and he sounds like he means it. “I wouldn’t have guessed—forgive me.”

He is, says Hastur, as though he planned for any of this.

“I think I hate you both right now?” says Tim.

“Fair,” says Elias. “And I’m sorry that you’re in the position you’re in.”

Again—he’s telling the truth now.

Does Elias know Tim picked up when he was lying?

Tim thinks he does. Elias, Tim realizes, is a fucking dangerous piece of work.

You have an idea? says Hastur.

“I do. This is, of course, based on research and memories from those in my line going back some thousands of years. If I understand correctly, your current vulnerability is largely based on… well. Your host’s mortality.”

That isn’t… fully inaccurate.

“As opposed, let’s say, to possessing a body closer to what you had before?”

My original body? There are no bodies here closer to what I had before.

“What if one could be created? How would that affect your situation?”

Tim has no idea. “What, give him his own body? Go all deific Frankenstein?”

I need to… consider this. You say it as if there were a possibility of such a thing.

Elias’ eyes lid. It’s like he knows he’s hooked a fish, and can take his time reeling it in. “Well. You no doubt feel the stored power of this place. That is because we collect artefacts. This particular hobby is not unique to us. I may—theoretically—know of some deific flesh, carefully preserved in crystal. And I may—theoretically—know someone who could potentially use it to craft you a new body.”

“Why would you go to all that trouble?” says Tim.

“Because it will be an amazing thing to watch, and as things currently stand, you won’t live long enough to… ah. I apologize.”

“Scratch your itch?” says Tim, dry. “Get you the fuck off?”

“Something like that,” says Elias, who isn’t so easy to ruffle.

I need to think about this.

“Of course you do. Might I suggest you stay here until you do, though? No obligation, no payment—well, beyond watching you, which I will be doing anyway, no matter where you are.”

“You knew I already planned on that part,” says Tim.

Elias shrugs like a prince. “I choose to be gracious, nonetheless.”

Tim wants to hit him.

Keep it down, he tells himself. You’re not the rage. You not the… whatever the fuck wrath monster. You’re you.

“I offer protection,” says Elias. “We are not, of course, impervious to invasion, but we are far safer than a hotel, or an apartment, or, gods forbid, the street. Three agents I can see followed you here—two of the Corruption, who would devour you with mold, worms, maggots, disease; and one of the Desolation, who… well, to be frank, I don’t know what she’d do, given that you, Tim, are marked—but I assure you, she is not here on a mission of mercy.”

“What?”

“You were followed—and I am not talking about your policewoman.”

“Wait, we were?"

“You didn’t notice? Oh, dear,” says Elias.

Fuck.

Yeah, pretty much.

We shall stay, says Hastur as though the favor being given is them gracing this place with their presence.

Tim realizes with a shock that he isn’t sure his opinion is any good right now. He’s too angry. It’s not his rage. But it’s… spilling into everything. Tim has never felt unsure in his life. This is a horrible feeling. He wipes at his eyes, surprised to find them wet.

“Come.” Elias stands, not revealing whatever he thinks of this display, and heads for the door.

Are you all right?

Hastur seems to mean it. Can Tim trust that, either?

Yes. He knows he can. Whatever else is wrong with him, he knows he’s reading other people correctly, including Hastur. “Not really?”

I will do what I can for you once we are alone.

“More spells?" Tim scoffs.

Oh, the things I can teach you...

“Sure,” says Tim without conviction, and follows Elias Bouchard deeper into his spooky mid-london temple.

#

Elias hadn’t lied; it’s a neat little space down there, in the archives.

Well. It’s a mess. But the living quarters are definitely cute.

Gertrude Lara Croft Robinson is down there already, eyeing them, visibly daring commentary on the stacks of mismatched files, the open cardboard boxes balanced precariously against each other or on chairs, the truly heinous amount of cobwebs in every corner, between every shelf.

“Uh,” says Tim. “Nice haunted house you’re running here.”

“Mm,” says Elias.

Gertrude gives Tim a skewering look.

“No, really,” says Tim, stepping over six sagging boxes and around two piles of unsorted papers. “Get a fog machine down here and you’ll make bank.”

“Yes, well, Gertrude insists there is a reason for all of it,” says Elias as if his kingdom’s condition is of no concern.

Gertrude says nothing.

Tim suddenly wonders if she’s hiding weapons in the paperwork.

The little living area is, happily, free from nonsense. A very tiny kitchenette, a small cot sharing space with boxes and office supplies, and a bathroom with a cramped toilet and sink.

“There is a shower upstairs,” says Elias, “though it is in my office, and you will need to arrange time to use it.”

“Weird,” says Tim. “But okay.”

Elias shrugs. “It is a very old building. James Wright had it installed, so I am to understand, but what he was thinking, doing it there… well. I have no idea.”

A lie. Tim peers at him.

Elias smiles and it is a bright, sharp thing, like light glinting off a blade. “Oh, you are good at that, aren’t you?” he murmurs.

“What—was that a test?”

“It was. Over something I think you can agree, at least, is harmless.”

“Hard not to be insulted,” Tim says.

“Of course—but I had to be sure you knew on your own. I can clearly see Lord Hastur did not clue you in.”

“Lord Hastur?”

“I’ve never met a god before, and I’d prefer to be on his good side. Wouldn’t you?” says Elias.

Tim rolls his eyes so hard they hurt. “Subject fucking change. How can you help with that police officer?”

“Are you willing to do some footwork?”

Tim frowns. “Sure?”

“Good. Then I can send you to a few places which will, in time, lead her on a completely different trail.”

“So you already knew our plan.”

“Yes. I won’t send you alone, either. It’s hardly safe. Just give me some time to make a couple of arrangements.”

Truth. “Okay. I guess. Fuck, this is… Am I really kipping in a haunted basement to hide from maggot gods?”

“I fear before all of this over, you will experience far stranger things than this,” says Elias. “Now—do try to get comfortable. I will fetch you a key, as well as the code for the alarm.”

“Elias!” Gertrude protests.

“He is officially under our protection.”  And there, right there, is the most real Elias has been this whole damn time, because that hardly sounded like the same man. The smarm is gone, replaced with a frankly terrifying hardness, the kind that makes Tim think he could shoot a guy in the face and walk away without a second thought.

But maybe it’s necessary to corral someone like Gertrude. She looks positively raucous for a moment, then glances at Tim.

Tim holds his hands up. “No quarrels with you. I’m just trying to stay alive.”

“I reserve the right to kill him if he tries a ritual inside the Institute—whether or not he knows what it does,” Gertrude snaps.

Well, she certainly remembers some of what happened.

“Fair,” says Elias.

“Sure?” says Tim.

Gertrude nods as if her head is an axe and marches away.

Elias sighs. “I really do apologize for her.”

Will she honor your command?

“For a while, anyway. Her focus is ‘protecting humanity,’ whatever that means, so as long as Tim provides no such active threat, he will fall off her radar.”

“She came after me yesterday," says Tim.

“She’d thought you were attempting a ritual to give one of the Fears more power,” says Elias.

“She didn’t even ask. She just… assumed.”

“In the name of saving the world, she sacrifices people,” Elias says coldly. “It makes one wonder what the value of life is to her.”

So that’s a whole host of unspoken stories. “Wow.”

“Indeed. I’ll send help down with a key and all shortly. Rest, Tim. As best we can, we’ll keep you safe.” Elias smiles (and, oddly enough, was telling the truth), and leaves.

Tim flops onto the cot.

It squeaks.

“That’ll make masturbating awkward,” he says without thinking.

Hastur laughs.

#

Tim did not expect to fall asleep.

It’s not like this is the best cot in the world. But there’s something weirdly peaceful about this place; the sounds of paper rustling outside the little room, presumably Gertrude moving piles from one spot to another (also presumably just keeping an eye on him). The sweet emptiness of being underground, with so much stone and paper and threadbare carpet, is its own wonderful white noise. Tim hasn’t been in a silent place in a long time, and finds it soothing. Even the simmering anger seems to be calming.

He yawns, stretches, is amused that the cot creaks again. “Mm,” he says. “Guess this is what monks see in it, or something.”

What—the silence and isolation? Perhaps; though they tend also to be… industrious orders, working far more hours than usual. The time allotted to rest in silence is slim.

“Fuck that, then. Guess I’m starting my own monastery—to laziness.” Tim stretches again. “Hey—why do you know about monks?”

I’ve spent more than one life in one such place.

Tim sputters. “Are you serious?”

Yes. There isn’t much in this world that I have not at least tried, Tim.

Tim sits up. “You really did monk things?”

I did.

“Like… prayed to gods you knew weren’t there, or whatever?”

A dark chuckle. Well, says Hastur. I will admit that I tended to leave such places altered, compared to when I went in.

“What did you do?”

Finely honed insanity, says Hastur, as though recounting a garden he’d grown.

Tim gapes at nothing. “Insanity? Hastur, why would you do that? What'd they do to you?"

Nothing. It was merely amusing at the time.

Maybe Tim is overtired. He should find this beyond horrifying, but instead, it’s just frustrating. “Look, do you even know it was wrong?”

Why would it be wrong? Hastur feels sincere. I am a god. I am no mortal. I am no human. I have graced this world with my presence out of necessity, but I have the right to do as I wish while I'm here.

“No, you don’t,” says Tim, baffled as to how he can possibly get his message across.

I disagree.

“Yeah, obviously, but that doesn’t make you right.”

No? And your twenty-nine years of life tell you this, do they?

Tim has an epiphany. “No, actually. That Kayne guy did.”

It feels like Hastur goes stiff as a board. What?

“If just being bigger than someone gives you the right to do what you want to them, then we’re actually morally wrong for running away from him.” Tim’s proud of that one.

Hastur has no mouth to sputter. He manages to do it, anyway. That is not the same!

“Sure it is. He can, so he should, right?”

I didn’t say should.

“No, but you said you have the right to do it. Well, does he?”

It’s not the same, Hastur insists.

It’s Tim’s turn to be smug, and he leans into it. "I didn't realize you were morally deficient. That's gonna make this rough, Hastur."

I am not deficient. I am morally superior.

"Right. Superior. In being deficient."

Tim...

Tim sighs. “What the hell am I gonna do with you?”

I think, Tim, rumbles Hastur in a low and terrible tone, the real question is what I am going to do with you.

Tim goes very still.

And there’s a knock at the storage closet door.

Tim has never been more grateful for an interruption in his life as he leaps off the cot to answer it. “Saved by the… hey, come in!”

It’s Jon.

Jon, who looks like a gray ghost, who holds out a key, a post-it note with a six-digit code, and a torn-out notebook page with addresses scribbled on it. He looks smaller than usual, as if whatever just happened to him has compressed him right down.

“Oh, thanks.” Tim takes them. “Hey—you okay?”

Jon stares at him. “Did you know there are things?” he says.

“So that’s a nope,” says Tim, who has decided to adopt Jon whether Jon knows it or not, and takes his arm to gently lead him in. “Sit down, already, before you pass out?”

“I am not going to pass out,” bristles Jon.

Tim sits him down, anyway, right on the cot.

It squeaks.

Tim checks a box labeled PAPER, finds it sturdy, and plops down onto it. “You okay?” he says again.

“There are… there are fear gods.”

Poor guy. “Apparently so. Might help to talk it out, yeah? Why don’t you start at the beginning? Was it Elias?”

“Oh, gods, yes it was Elias.” Jon puts his face in his hands.

Hastur finds Jon’s distress funny. The chuckle is soft, dark, cruel; it makes Tim angry—and he’s pretty sure this anger is his, not some stupid Desolation’s. Still, he takes a moment to force it down. “Yeah. I did know, little buddy, but only for about… two days? Or so? I’m losing track.”

“Oh,” says Jon.

What the hell had Bouchard done up there? “I’m guessing your boss filled you in.”

Jon looks forlorn. “One of them’s got me already, apparently?”

Accidental priest. “He just went full info-dump, didn’t he?” says Tim, who feels utterly justified in disliking that guy. “I’m sorry. I’m still wrestling with it all myself.”

“He says one of them’s got you, too,” says Jon. “And I am… I’m to go with you as we leave today, and as we gather what is necessary to distract… police? From your trail? Then retreat back to the Institute as quickly as possible.”

TIm blinks slowly. “He’s sending you?”

Jon reddens. “Yes. He says I… he says. I…”

“Hey, it’s okay. Hey. You can tell me whatever. Just verbally process, I don’t care."

Tim, we don’t have time to play therapist.

Tim ignores him. “What happened, Jon?”

“I tried to quit to prove him wrong,” says Jon. “I couldn’t.”

“Okay,” says Tim. “That’s horrible.”

“I wouldn’t have believed him except he knew about Mister Spider,” says Jon.

“Okay,” says Tim. “Do I want to know what that is?”

Jon stares. “Can we go? I… I don’t think I can sit here and think too much about this right now.”

“Sure, all right. We can talk later,” says Tim. “But—no offense—why is he sending you?”

“Oh. Because I saw who was following you this morning.”

Tim blinks. “You did?”

“Three of them. Two looked quite ill, but one just looked… angry. They all made me nervous; I’d assumed you knew, but Elias said you didn’t.”

Remarkable, says Hastur. He truly is in tune with the Beholding.

“I didn’t see them,” says Tim. “I really need the extra set of eyes. I’m a bit of trouble, you know?”

“That’s what he said.” Jon stands (and the cot squeaks). “I’m really not in a place to wield rational arguments at the moment.”

“Right. Well, let’s go, then.” Tim guides him out the door. “What's at these addresses?”

“He didn’t say.” Jon is shaking. His slightly oversized sweater-vest nearly hides it, but he is, and it makes his voice tremble.

Pathetic, says Hastur.

“Do you hate kittens, too?” Tim murmured softly.

“What?” says Jon.

“Nothing.”

Gertrude is glaring at them. “I’m watching you.”

“What?” says Jon very weakly.

“There’s a queue for that,” Tim quips, and hurries Jon out.

“That was odd,” says Jon in a high, spooked voice.

“Yeah?”

“Could’ve sworn she had blood all over her for a moment.”

What? says Hastur. Tim. Tim, I’m going to need you to do a spell.

Tim ignore that. “Don’t suppose Elias told you why I’m in trouble.”

“No. He said that was your purview, should I earn your trust.”

Tim! We need to do a spell. I need to know what’s going on with this annoying little man.

“Earn my trust? Wow. He really is a dickhead, isn’t he?”

Jon sputters. “He’s… I don’t know! He’s just Elias! I’ve barely noticed him in the past three years. Once my interview was done, we’ve hardly interacted!”

Tim!

Hastur’s confidence in Tim’s spellcasting abilities might be high, but Tim does not have that confidence. At any rate, it’ll be difficult talking to Hastur unless Jon knows the score, so…  Why not? “Right,” Tim says, trusting Jon at Elias. “So… the Powers Elias told you about? Something like that jumped out of the book I brought in. It’s in my head right now.”

Jon is taking this very seriously. “Really?”

“Really. Talks all the time. Real awkward.”

Tim, Hastur warns.

Tim deadpans it: “He wants me to cast some kind of spell to check you out.”

Tim!

“Check me out?” blurts Jon, stopping before the final stair. “For what? A new host?”

Hardly. That would not be worth my time, Hastur snaps.

“Naw,” Tim says. “He’s not a swinger. He just wants to see, is all.”

Jon’s eyes seem take up half his face. “What?” he says.

“You know, because he’s in me already?”

This has gone right over Jon’s head. He stares at Tim as though he’s speaking Sanskrit.

Like a sopping wet cat, Tim thinks with growing fondness. “Never mind. Let’s go check out these addresses, yeah?”

He’s an idiot, Hastur declares. Mentally deficient.

Is Hastur jealous? He feels jealous.

“Sure,” says Jon weakly.

“It’s gonna be okay,” says Tim, and pats him on the shoulder.

Hastur growls quietly.

New game, thinks Tim, because how could he not, and follows Jon into the lobby.

#tma #tma crossover #malevolent #malevolent crossover #tma fic #malevolent fic #tim stoker #hastur malevolent #kiy malevolent #elias bouchard #gertrude robinson #jonathan sims #corrupted fic

[princesseevee06]

well now I HAVE to know the crack teal-green-limeblings headcanon!!!!!!!

ohhhhhhh boy. you will regret this /j ok but for real buckle up it’s gonna be a long ride. i literally started composing a long ass document for this theory so that’s how you know this has consumed my brain.

#1: PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Ok so this is the one that most obviously first caught my eye. It was always weird to me how despite the fact that Shin and Kanna are the ones to be confirmed siblings, Kanna ends up looking more similar to Sou in hair color + eye color. Overall, Sou’s hair/eye colors look like a perfect blend of Shin/Kanna’s. and since Shin and Kanna ARE siblings…well. Idk what that entails

I colordropped all of their hair and eye colors for comparison a little while ago, and…yeah. They’re pretty similar

(although i actually find it interesting how sou’s eyes look exactly like shin’s hair. Hm)

But of course physical appearance alone isn’t enough to actually ~prove anything~ (tbf none of this “evidence” actually is) but lucky for you there’s PLENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM

#2: SHIN’S MEMORY WITH SOU

This one is by far the biggest reason I have this theory. Ok, I’m gonna say it. SHIN’S MEMORY IS WEIRD!!!! THE VAGUENESS OF HIS MEMORY IS WEIRD!!!!! Let me elaborate:

Shin’s dialogue here seems veeeeeeeeery carefully worded to me. You might note that while Shin says he has a sibling, he very specifically says he DOESNT know their age or gender

…which, by itself, I suppose makes sense. But from a narrative standpoint, why was this line necessary to include? If Shin were to say he thought he had a little sister, we all would’ve jumped to the same conclusion anyways. So the fact this is purposefully left vague rings alarm bells in my mind.

Not to mention, the last line of this scene seems like HEAVY foreshadowing to me:

Like, ok Shin, you’re gonna talk about your longlost missing sibling and then drop THIS line at the very end? Ok. If we compare this “last line” to some of the other last lines in the other memories, it also just seems…out of place.

With Kanna and Q-taro’s here, they both seem to demonstrate their reasons for making their wish extremely well. Kanna granted Kugie’s wish because she loves her sister, and Q-taro’s wish was because of his ambition to get back onto the field. In comparison, Shin’s last line just seems. Weird to me? Because if we look at that scene with the context of knowing Kanna is Shin’s sibling, then the last line just. Doesn’t add up. I guess you might argue that Shin hoped Sou was his missing sibling? And the subversion was that it was actually Kanna instead? But the fact that it’s left SO vague is so so weird to me.

ADDING ONTO THIS: how the hell would Shin NOT know about Kanna? HE’S SEVEN YEARS OLDER THAN HER. I THINK HE WOULD’VE NOTICED HIS MOTHER HAVING A WHOLEASS CHILD. I think the only real explanations here are that Shin’s dad had an affair (which is 😭😭😭 oof) or that Shin is also adopted (although if there’s another explanation that makes sense please let me know because im so perplexed by this situation). Let me explain:

If Shin was adopted, then it would make sense that he wouldn’t know about Kanna, because he wouldn’t know who his bio mom/dad are in the first place. But then like….would Shin’s PARENTS even know about Kanna? Again, she’s seven years younger than him….would they even keep in touch with the family they adopted from…….idk…….to me……it might make more sense……..if the sibling in question…..was older than Shin……..because if that were the case, it would make more sense for Shin’s parents to know about them. and say for example, if said older sibling’s information was very very classified, like top-secret organization classified, then it might make sense that even shin’s parents wouldn’t know their age/gender 🤔

(this is again. all VERY much a stretch. but like. i feel like it at least makes a LITTLE bit of sense)

#3: MOMDORI (THIS WOMAN HAS ISSUES, MAN)

Believe it or not, Momdori’s entire existence leads me to believe this theory more strongly. This is more of an intuition based off of narrative foreshadowing yadda yadda, but it’s SUPER interesting to me that Momdori’s first appearance (i hope it’s not her only appearance ;-;) is in Kai’s mini episode, where she is actively encouraging Gashu to choose one of his children over the other. It’s super creepy, because the way she talks about it almost makes it sound like she has firsthand experience.

Like, okay, if it were true that the greenblings trio were all siblings (which again, is just a reach on my part) wouldn’t it make perfect sense that Momdori would give Shin and Kanna up to other families??? If Sou was already proving to be a reliable asset to the organization at a young age, and she has this ideology of “not needing more than one,” why would she want to keep the other two? Sou himself describes Shin and Kanna as “kind, cowardly, and weak” which are traits that Asunaro would certanly not be looking for.

If these three were siblings I think it would ALSO make sense why Shin is a candidate despite having a 0% win percentage. I think it’s already been implied by Gashu that the candidates all have ties to Asunaro in some way or another (he asks before he dies if anyone has doubts about their upbringing) (plus we already know Q-taro’s orphanage was named Asunaro), and Shin being the son of an Asunaro executive would imo certainly give him the “right to win” by Asunaro standards, despite how abysmal his rates actually are.

Again. This is all just conjecture. I’m aware how farfetched all of this actually is. …but I just want to enjoy my bleebies in peace.

(i’m so sorry this was so long please forgive me)

i could add an extra part about how sou’s strange fixation on shin could be another line of evidence for this theory but tbh that part of the theory is so stretchy, elastic is jealous. so i’m not going to add it

#in my mind i am 100% correct and right ❤️ #princesseevee answers #yttd #kanna kizuchi #shin tsukimi #sou hiyori #yttd midori #yttd theory #cursed greenblings #this may be nothing to you. but it’s Everything to me

[i-amtransexual]

HELLO HI FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELLO.

It's finished I am done I am so tired and so so happy about this fic. Happy new year's @finalcontrolroom you were my gift recipient, i hope you like it! This is my gift fic as a part of the @mcytblrholidayexchange ! Tumblr version below :D

"Oh trust me," they snarled, finally standing up from where she had been sitting, xer cheeks slowly starting to return back to their normal temperature, "If I had wings I would be significantly more proficient in using them than you ever could be."

"If an incompetent as shit twat like you ever gets wings, I'll do whatever you want for a day." Tubbo said, glaring.

Ranboo scoffed. "Oh bee boy, don't go promising me something so tempting so easily," she snarked, leaning in real close and failing to notice Tubbo's shortening of breath. "I'd find far too many ways to ruin your life for good."

----------

Ranboo is so whipped for Tubbo, except she isn't, she really isn't, xe definitely hates him. Tubbo is head over heels in love but has to play along, because at least that way he gets to talk to her. Also, it’s new years and Ranboo has no idea what that is! Shenanigans shall ensue.

Author Note.

Heyyyyy sooooo *looks at that romance tag* gotta be honest not at all where I was heading with this. Was just gonna have o!Ranboo going on some silly little adventures with the theme of new years, do a bit of worldbuilding and maybe have a little bit of o!beeduo/r in the background, as a treat. However, as always, they have taken over my brain and o!Ranboo the glorious light of my life that she is, is now gonna be going on a  little trip down romance lane. Did I manage enemies to lovers? Probably not, never written it before! Hope it kinda applies though? This is getting very long, down to the point.

Hello my giftee here is the fic i have written for you. Mainly o!beeduo, i too adore o!sneeg but i could not do him justice as the main character so he had to have a smaller role i’m afraid. To make it clear, Ranboo is transfem, uses she/xer/they,  and i love xer.  Tommy uses she/him, Tubbo uses he/him, him and Tommy are both transmasc, because wahoo why not.

Hope you enjoy!

It was Sunday, and Ranboo was having a nice catnap in the sun, her tail lazily swinging back and forth as she leant against the entrance of xer cave. She heard the glow berry vines rustle above them as the wind breezed lightly into her home, and a berry fell into their claw. Surprised, xe examined it. It was a perfect specimen, skin firm, yet not tough, glowing a soft gold as all glowberries do, and with the scent of the sparkling alcoholic drink Phil was so fond of. She popped it into her mouth and let the flavour of sweet and sour wash over xer, as a popping feeling enveloped her tongue.  Their eyes were closed, and they let out a contented sigh as she savoured the smell and the taste of a glowberry perfectly in season. It is a truly wonderful moment in a lovely day, and nothing could possibly ruin it. 

Ranboo's lovely day was immediately put to a halt as she heard the frantic buzzing of wings quickly grow louder, and she opened her eyes just in time to see a panicked bee hybrid crash into her, xer crown toppling off and his goggles clattering to the ground. The both of them groaned from the collision, Ranboo attempting to raise a claw to rub her sore head, before finding to their annoyance it was tangled up in the arms of the incredibly beloathed Tubbo.

"You absolute imbecile!" she said to him angrily, arm stuck wiggling as Tubbo tried and failed to stand, before he fell onto xer again. "What good are those wings if you cannot even use them?!"

Tubbo frowned angrily back at her, his face a furious red as he tried to untangle himself from the glow berry vines he had crashed into, causing fruit to rain onto the two of them. 

"Don't fucking blame me, 'princess' " he said in a mocking tone, causing Ranboo's own face to heat angrily. "The wind changed and it being a bitch is hardly my fault. Not like you could use wings better than I could, dickhead."

Ranboo chose not to take offence to that last insult, instead preferring to fixate on Tubbo’s challenge, not that he meant to frame it as one. 

"Oh trust me," they snarled, finally standing up from where she had been sitting, xer cheeks slowly starting to return back to their normal temperature, "If I had wings I would be significantly more proficient in using them than you ever could be."

Tubbo, kneeling on the ground, still goggleless as Ranboo fixed her crown with a huff, ignored the redness of his cheeks and the pain his knees were in and simply shot back with,

"If an incompetent as shit twat like you ever gets wings, I'll do whatever you want for a day."

Ranboo scoffed. "Oh bee boy, don't go promising me something so tempting so easily," she snarked, leaning in real close and failing to notice Tubbo's shortening of breath. "I'd find far too many ways to ruin your life for good."

At a standstill, Ranboo finally noticed the now rather crushed flower garlands Tubbo had been carrying.

"What are those and why did you decide to come break them in my cave?" xe said, trying to keep her tone annoyed but accidentally letting a bit of curiosity seep through.

Tubbo looked down and cursed the strangest string of words Ranboo had ever heard, leaving her to decide it must have been a word in Apiarian, rather than Universal or Ender.

"Pissine n shettning n böllez," Tubbo muttered under his breath, gathering the broken garlands in his arms. As he used his left arm to fix his goggles back on his head, he searched with his other three to find a specific garland.

Hesitantly, almost shyly, Ranboo thought, he held out one of the garlands to xer, one that was mostly intact ,with alliums, white roses and pink tulips being held together by twine.

"Phil suggested I give you one, it wasn't my idea" Tubbo made sure to blurt out first, and Ranboo rolled her eyes as she reached and plucked it out of his arms. They spun it around, viewing it from every angle, yet for the life of her xe couldn't figure out what it was. 

"It's to celebrate for new years," Tubbo said, one hand rapidly fidgeting with his belt, the others straightening the garlands out. "Since you're new, Phil knew that you wouldn't know about our tradition in the valley, so he told me to make one for you."

Strangely touched, Ranboo tried to say thank you. However, it got over-thought about a billion times before it reached their mouth so instead the question of "What’s new years?" came out instead.

Tubbo stared at xer for a while, thoroughly puzzled before she snapped at him, embarrassed,

"Look, if you're too unknowledgeable to tell me I'll just go ask Tommy instead, since clearly she's smarter than you."

Whether Tubbo was offended by the insult of Tommy being smarter than him, or if it was the (unlikely) fact that he knew Tommy would tease her much more for it than he would, he answered her. 

"Well, we celebrate the end of this year, and the start of the new one. We all kinda have our own personal traditions around it, and Tommy at least is very serious about his week of worshipping prime, but it's mostly just about reminiscing and looking forward to things."

Before Ranboo could ask more about why the year was ending so quickly, or what Tommy's week of prime worship was about, Tubbo flew off and she was left with more questions unanswered.

Just out of listening distance, Tubbo collapsed to his knees out of breath, and cursed Wilbur to the top of the mountains and back for pushing him into the north wind and in the direction of one very pretty, and very scary, Ender princess. 

----------

"Tooommmyyyy" Ranboo called, her voice echoing off of the marble walls, as they carefully avoided the water rushing down from the ceiling. Xe was met with Wilbur, who silently and violently shushed her, before he turned back to his place in his seat and folded his wings out, keeping his eyes closed and hands held out in front of him. 

"What scam is this weirdo trying to trick me into today?" she thought, before his tail pulled her into the seat next to him. About to shout at him, Ranboo was stopped by Wilbur whispering "Just copy my posture and I'll explain once we get outside."

Very, very, hesitant, Ranboo followed suit nonetheless, and slowly xe became attuned to every noise in the building. The rushing of the waterfall was now less deafening, as each breath she and Wilbur took whispered through the room. The sound of feathers took them by surprise, and she quickly squinted one eye open to see Tommy emerging from the door at the side of the very front of the room. Feeling Wilbur's presence next to her, they shut xer eyes tightly and waited. 

Tommy, with much pomp and ceremony, looked around the room and was absolutely delighted to see a whole second person in her church to prime. Barely containing a squeal, he rushed back into the sideroom, and picking up two more of his grandchildren, she returned to her slow walk down the aisle to the only two people attending his ceremony. 

Ranboo was told she could "Open your eyes under the blessing of prime, hi Ranboo you lanky bitch hurry up hurry up hurry up look at this," and was greeted with a chicken wiggling in one claw, and a warm egg in the other.

Wilbur nudged her, with a chicken and an egg also struggling to balance themselves in his hands, and confused, she nodded at Tommy and said her thanks in time with a smirking Wilbur. Beaming, Tommy bent to kiss both the eggs, before grabbing the two chickens and stuffing both of them under each arm. She waddled up to the front of the room, and holding on to the prime symbol around her neck, he began his speech.

"Today, on the first day of the last week of a year graced by the presence of me, and blessed by many subscriptions with prime, every person is granted An Egg." Tommy's grin was stretched wide, and would have been contagious had Ranboo not been wondering why he had capitalized those last two words in speech.

"I thank you for your promise to subscribe with prime, as you all have, by volunteering yourself to care for this egg until it's last moments. Your newfound parenthood is a symbol of the birth of the new year that is to come, and I hope you are as excited to look after this child as you are for the new year. Gertude and her many grandchildren thank you for this service, and I thank you for your forever promise to care for my great grandchildren. I hope you all make me a very proud grandfather, little ones!" Tommy called, face filled with joyous rapture, before she turned heel and strode out the side door. Ranboo sat with the egg in her claw dumbfounded, before Wilbur rolled her eyes and pulled xer outside.

"That," Wilbur said to answer her as yet unasked question, "Was the first day of twitch prime week. It's Tommy's thing she does during our new years celebrations, and i'm normally the only one that goes along with it." Wilbur smiled at her, and Ranboo was struck by how genuine it seemed to be. 

"I think he was really pleased there was a second person actually there today, even if I did force you to be there." Ranboo nodded, looking closely at the egg in xer hand. 

"What is this for, exactly?" they said, gesturing to it. Wilbur laughed. "Weren't you listening?"

She bristled, ready to insult him into the next week, (or rather next year, at this point in time) but he saw the look in xer eyes and hurried along.

"It's from one of Tommy's chicken in the fucking army she seems to have bred them into. We're supposed to look after the chicken until the end of the first week of next year, then we give it back to Tommy so he can continue to have a ridiculous amount of chickens. It’s not at all a traditional prime thing, but seeing as Tommy is the only person who believes in prime that i know it’s not like i’m the expert"

Ranboo was absolutely terrified at suddenly having to care for a new life, but Wilbur was completely fine. "You don't really have to worry about it though, most of the eggs Tommy's chickens lay end up as the eggs for cooking. See?" Wilbur held his out into the sun, his hand still in the shade,  and Ranboo could see the faintest shine of yellow on the edge of the shell. "Yellow means it has a yolk, not a chicken, inside. Almost all the eggs are yellow."

Ranboo seemed torn between asking what colour her egg was, and waiting to see what Wilbur would do with his egg. She didn't have to wait long, as Jack Manifold was seen cresting over the hill and Wilbur took the chance to fade into the ground.

"Ayup Ranboo!" Jack called, and Ranboo raised a claw in greeting.

"Good noon, Jack," they said, deciding to stow the egg in her inventory for the moment. Jack nodded at her. 

"How's your new years coming along?" he asked good naturedly, planting his feet firmly in the ground, a well enough distance away that his blaze rods wouldn't accidentally catch xer hair on fire, again.

Once more, here was this unknown and terrifying "new years" that Ranboo did not at all understand. Tommy had prime, Tubbo had his weird flower things and yet neither of those explained to her what this one cohesive new years thing was at all. And, well, when xe didn't understand something, she had to fake it till she made it.

"My new year's is coming along perfectly, and far better than yours ever will," they sniffed haughtily, and internally breathed a sigh of relief when Jack seemed to take no outward offence.

"Perfect, ay? Already? You better look out for when it goes wrong, because perfect is a hard place to fall from," he said good naturedly.

"I'm gonna go drop by Niki's for a bit in the afternoon, but otherwise let me know if you need help recovering from your "perfect" new years," he laughed, giving them a wave and walking off.

Ranboo stayed just long enough to watch Wilbur pop out of a tree and crack his egg over Jack's head, where it began to sizzle and burn ferociously, before they teleported back to their cave to find a warm, safe place for their egg.

----------

"Ranboo!!! What's up!" A new day, a new morning had passed, and now at 12pm Ranboo was greeted with a very loud, and a very tipsy, Sneegsnag right in her ear. Wincing, she plucked him off her shoulder and unceremoniously dropped him to the floor, after she had properly ascended the ladder and crouched through the doorway.

"Good to see you Sneeg," she replied, sitting on the ground next to the tiny table that he had set up.

"Raaaaaaanboo!! Helo!" Fundy also greeted xer, a jug of mead in hand and his cheeks somehow redder than usual.

Ranboo, though still unsure why any being with a brain would choose to intoxicate themselves in such a way that their body and brain were poisoned, for fun,  was glad that they had chosen mead to drink, as it had the least unpleasant smell of all the alcohols she had thus far encountered.

"So since everyone here seems to be carried away with this “new years” thing" xe said, shaking a few leaves out of her hair and barely avoiding hitting her head on a lower hanging branch, "Will the two of you care to explain what tradition this is?"

"Well," Sneeg and Fundy began, before they both glanced at each other and burst into drunken laughter. As Sneeg’s fork accidently got flung against the room and planted itself into the trunk near her head, Ranboo wondered why she had bothered to come over.

"There was a realm i came from" Sneeg started, before snorting and having to start again. "Called RLcraft, and Fundyyyyyy, joined me once or twice."

"You were bigger then," Fundy shouted, for some reason, even though he was but a few feet away, "Old age has made him shrink already, itty little bug boy."

"Dude, shut the fuck up."

Ranboo sniffed, pretending to turn up her nose at the unsightly behavior of the two, but secretly they found it very entertaining, and were planning to take notes. For completely innocent purposes of course.

"Hey RANboo, did sneeg ever tell you, about the time we fought a… a what was, a tower guardian?" Fundy was thoroughly drunk, making his words slurry and blurred together but this question intrigued Ranboo.

"We were drunkasshit, then too," Sneeg remarked, the middle of his sentence an incoherent mess of sounds.

Ranboo decided to simply watch the two as they bantered back and forth, listening with great interest as they reminisced. Sneeg, for all she knew was a capable and devious little guy, apparently also had a lot of experience surviving in one the most dangerous servers known, or "realm" as he incorrectly labled it.

"Youknow," sneeg yawned, "I used to do this every year with my buddy Union, before i fucked off to here."

"The blue guy?" Fundy asked, barely awke.

"Bitch, I'm the blue guy. But yeahhhh," a large yawn, "it'sa pretty good newyeard tradition. Always fun tryig to fight a sea serpent when you’re not so-” a giant yawn,”sober."

"Raaahn… boo. what're you do for new year's?" Fundy's question shook Ranboo out of the quiet contentment she had been sitting in, and she pondered the query for a while.

"I guess the closest ender holiday that's equivalent to the "new years" celebration, is The Great Sleep," Ranboo said, eyes taking on a far away look. "A year in the end seemed to last about 7 or so of the years here, so I guess that's why I was so surprised when it was drawing so close so early."

Tubbo, who had been heading to Sneeg's to ask if he had any wax he could use, slowed down as he heard her voice and quietened his footsteps, before he paused just outside the entrance.

"It sounds kind of ominous, but it wasn't, really." She said, with intense longing in her voice. "After 7 years guarding us, well, the current dragon always got very tired, you know, and they deserved a break. So, a long time ago, we established The Great Sleep. The ruler would announce that The End was to go into a period of rest, and that they would begin the Change Over, and once they awoke, the year would begin once more."

"So, the dragon would go to sleep, in a special area where time was frozen for them, and the ruler, in my case my mother, would take their place for at least 7 days, but normally no longer than a month.  We would always hope against hope that, of course, no overworlders would try to come and challenge us during that time, but the void always seemed on our side during The Great Sleep."

"Since coming up here, I have heard tales, at least from Phil, of the luck for an end raid always being especially bad every 7 years or so, of ender eyes breaking at an alarming rate, the stronghold being deep underwater, or surrounded by lava, of having no eyes at all left in the portal, of the room being nigh impossible to find. During The Great Sleep, I could never stay at rest for longer than a day or two, so I would spend every night watching through the portal in the temple, my mother circling the portal to the overworld, looping through the towers and I watched in fascination. For there are no other endariens or endermen on that island during The Great Sleep, and she would always seem so very alone."

Ranboo sighed, and Tubbo wished that he could give her a hug, but fear of being found out held him back.

"Normally by day 6 or 7 or so, the rest of my family had joined me, and at least by the 10th day most of the rest of the empire would have woken. But we weren't allowed to leave our homes to see others, or to party or celebrate or worship even. We could do all that in our own homes, with family and friends that lived with us, but it was truly a period of, just resting."

Xe leant her head back against the tree trunk, deep in thought. 

"I suppose it has something to do with the fact that endermen and endariens don't sleep." And, far quieter than before, they admitted, "And, I suppose, I'm not really a proper one of either of them, so that's why I am so weak and have to sleep every few days, rather than months."

"But there's still a part of me that deeply misses it," she said, "We would have Chorus fruit juice on the first day of the ruler's return, and then there would be a party during however long the ruler's rest period was." Xe grew quiet, and Tubbo could hear her fiddling with her bracelets, the gold and iron clinking in the relative silence. "It's funny to think it's stuck with me for so long but," they gave out a little laugh, "I still know how to make the banners, and the recipe to make the chorus juice fizz. That was my favourite trick that mother taught me."

Xe was interrupted by a colossal snore from Sneeg, followed by a quieter "snork… mimimimimi…." from Fundy, who had curled up on his chair, hat having fallen to the ground. 

"So neither of you two were even listening. Wonderful." She got up, brushed a few leaves from xer dress and teleported outside, not irritated to bother with the ladder. They then immediately fell onto Tubbo, for the second time in two days.

“URGH!” she cried, incredibly irritated as she stood up and smoothed out her dress, ears hot from embarrassment, (nothing else) “What is with you always being in my way, you idiot!’

“H-hey!” Tubbo replied angrily, face flushed and fists balled up, “You're the one who teleported into me this time, so that’s not fair.”

“W-well,” they stuttered, cheeks growing as warm as their ears, “It’s not my fault you’re so easy to miss! You should just get taller.”

Instead of continuing to argue, Tubbo froze for a moment before he burst into laughter. “Y-you” he laughed so much his hand swerve holding his stomach, “you sound j-just like Tommy, ha!”

“Well,” xe sniffed, ‘perhaps Tommy is right for once. If you were taller, t-then it would be much more difficult o run into you.”

Suddenly, Tubbo was hovering in front of her face grinning, his wing s a blur this close to them. “Awww,” he cooed as her face finally started to turn a dark shade of purple, “You almost sound like you’d miss running into me.”

They both stayed there for a moment, Tubbo grinning triumphantly at her and Ranboo completely and utterly flustered, before they squeaked out a “shut up!” and pushed his face away with her claw.

Before Tubbo could reply. she teleported away, pulse racing, but only because he had now seen her in an unseemly situation twice, not because his face was so very close to xer’s, o-or because he smelt like the beginning of spring and new flowers, or because his laugh sounded like the bells that rung out with a sweet tune every hour. C-certainly not that at all.

---------

Very pleased with the outcome of their conversation, Tubbo made his way into Sneeg’s tree, to find both him and Fundy passed out. Shrugging, tubbo rumaged through the chests, found what he needed and left Sneeg a sign with 

“took some wax and strinf, thabk’s bossman!” 

before he flew up and off to the Pub(e).

He dumped the resources in the nearest chest before he quickly went on the hunt for Phil, an idea in his head and a nervous feeling in his heart.

‘Phil? You here?” he called, and received an

“In here, mate!” from Phil’s office in the Pub(e). 

Taking a deep breath, he whispered to himself “This isn’t for her, because I don't care about her, i-it’s just cause she seemed sad, and it’d be kind to do this. “ Knocking on the door, he opened it wide and strode in.

----------

It was the third day of prime week, and Ranboo had managed to avoid Tommy’s latest service with a warning from Wilbur on xer communicator.

Wilbur whispered to you: I know I said Tommy would appreciate you coming to all of his service but do not fucking come today. She’s planning to make us make hats out of all the feathers his chickens shed, and we have to wear them all. Fucking. Day. Or he’ll cry and then Phil will get involved so just don’t. Plus he wants a diamond for entry so save your money and go see Niki or smth.

You whispered to Wilbur: Noted.

You whispered to Wilbur: …. Thanks

Ranboo had finished doing her hair, and she decided agasint wearing any of her horn jewllrey for the day. Xe was going to see Niki, and if she had to take a water resistant potion every 8 minutes that she was there, she wasn’t going to bother with a lot of fancy clothes. Just about to teleport down the mountain, her eye caught on the garland Tubbo had given her, now lying on top of her chest. They didn’t know why, but they decided to take it with xer when she went to see Niki.

“Hello Ranboo!” Niki called cheerfully, her hand waving above the water. Ranboo raised and a claw in greeting back and replied 

“Good afternoon Niki. How has your day been?”

‘How nice of you to ask!” Niki said brightly, swimming a little closer to the dock. “I saw the sunrise this morning, and it was very lovely. Jack also stopped by to hand me the wreath Tubbo had made me.”

Ranboo was very thankful xe had brought her own “wreath” as Niki had called it, with her. 

‘I received one of those from Tubbo as well,” she said, sitting cross legged at the end of the wooden dock. “A-and, I was wondering if perhaps you knew why he gives these out?’

Before Niki could reply Ranboo added “He told me it was Phil’s idea, but i have a feeling that it’s not.”

Niki laughed at that. 

“What a weird thing to say. No, Tubbo has done that every year we’ve been here. It’s an Apian thing, something about flowers symbolising their love to carry you through to the next year. Apian culture is very romantic.”

“L-love?” Ranboo squeaked, thoroughly surprised, her ears flushing. “B-ut why would T-Tubbo give me-”

“Oh no no, don’t worry” Niki laughed, “Tubbo told us when he first gave them out that everyone gives them to eveyrone, romantic or family or friends. Besides, there’s only certain kinds of flowers that are romantic, you know? They all have different meanings. I’ll go get mine to show you.”

Niki dove underwater, a large splash making the dock rock slightly and spattered Ranboo with water. She gave a small yelp at the coldness of it, but was very glad she had had a water resistant potion before she had come down to see Niki.

There was a disruption in the water and Niki’s head popped back up above the surface, grinning widely with all her pointed teeth on display.

“Sorry,” she grinned cheekily as Ranboo glared at her, trying their best to intimidate Niki, for all that xe looked like a bedraggled cat. “I knew you had taken a potion, and I just couldn't resist the opportunity.”

“So did you find your wreath or was that just an excuse to get me soggy?” Ranboo snapped, very displeased.

Niki giggled. “It’s right here.”

She held up a wreath that shone with an enchantment, most certainly a water resistant charm, made up of orange and white tulips, also held together with twine, with glow berries dispersed throughout.  

“You know, it’s quite funny,” she said laying it down on the edge of the dock as Ranboo marvelled at craftmenship of the wreath. 

“Phil got me a book of flower meanings for my birthday last year becuase i had started to get into gardening,” she said, her tail lazily swishing from side to side and creating ripples. 

“And I remembered it this year when Tubbo gave me my wreath, but it was so strange. “

“What was?” Ranboo asked, starting to get a little impatient with how long Niki was taking to get to her point.

“Well, flowers are a huge part of Apian culture, and when I asked him once Tubbo told me that flower meanings were a very prominent too. So I’m sure he used that when making the wreaths, but I don’t really understand what he’s trying to say.”

“Well, what’s so confusing about your wreath?” Ranboo asked, “It certainly looks very nice.”

“Yes,” Niki nodded in agreement, as she pulled a small book out from seemingly thin air, “But the white tulips mean forgiveness and purity,” she said as she flipped ot a page, “And for one i don’t know whether he’s asking me to forgive him for something, or saying i’m very pure? One is confusing and the other just feels quite insulting.”

Ranboo agreed.

“As for the orange tulips, it says here that they mean “a sense of understanding between two people”, which makes me think the white are for forgiveness. But i have just no clue what I’m supposed to be forgiving him for!”

Her tail thwacked the surface of the lake with that and sprayed over Ranboo’s hair, leaving xer soggier than before. Ranboo’s sputters going unnoticed, Niki went on.

“And with glowberries meaning excitement, but not celebration, which would make sense for new years, i’m stumped on what he trying to tell me.”

Attempting to shake some of her hair dry, Ranboo asked, “I did come to ask if you might know what my wreath meant, but it seems i will end up with just as puzzling an outcome as you did.”

“Well,” Niki said brightly, “If it’s not insulting, hopefully it will end up being rather funny instead. Bring it out here.”

A little shyly, Ranboo retrieved her wreath from xer inventory, and held it gently in her claws.

“Oooh, that one’s really nice!” Niki said, reaching out for it, until Ranboo held it back, her cheeks flushing with heat. “It’s, ah, just a little broken is all. It fell a few times.”

Niki nodded, and had a good look from a distance away. '`I'm very surprised though, II’ve never seen him use any of those flowers in his wreaths before!’

Ranboo’s heart skipped a beat at that, but their brain turned to reason and xe scoffed. 

“He’s probably insulted me in a million different ways then,” She snapped, with a toss of her hair, attempting to show indifference. But Niki watched how tightly xe held on to the flowers, and with a knowing smile decided to keep her comments to herself.

“Pink tulips are a symbol of good luck, and white roses signify loyalty.”

The two sat in silence for a moment as they stewed it over. 

‘That’s not quite insulting or a complement” Niki said, re reading over the page.

“I suppose good luck could be an insult, but what is he saying I’m bad at?” Ranboo furrowed her brow, “ And as for loyalty, it sounds like a compliment, but even if I were to take it as an insult it just doesn’t make sense at all! I feel like he has to be insulting me, somehow.”

Niki interjected “Well,  if i can find the page with alliums, perhaps we can figure this out.”

Ranboo sat in tense silence as Niki flipped through the pages. Why did this matter so much to xer? It was only Tubbo, after all, a-and she hated him anyway, so why should it matter what he thought of her? Why should it matter that he had spent the time to create something that looked so beautiful and must have taken a lot of effort, especially for them? Why did the thought of him, carefully growing and picking flowers with her in mind bring such a flush to her face, the image of his eyes, bright and concentrated and blue as the sky on her favourite days of winter, make her ears go hot and her heart race?  I-if he hated xer as much as she really, really definitely hated him, then why would he-

“Ah, here it says alliums mean patience and humility.”

Ranboo bristled, gripping the wreath a lot more angrily than before. “That self absorbed, donkey brained, smart aleck little twit!” She shouted, jumping to her feet, casting the wreath to the dock.  

“How, how dare he tell me, that I need patience? That I need humility?” Xe was breathing heavily, feeling her ears heat with anger now, fists balled up tight. 

“What kind of a pathetic snivelling coward is he that he can’t even look me in the eyes and say it to my face! The utter arrogance he has, to think he is so above me that he, h-he’s probably laughing at me now,  th-thinking he’s won!” She paced back and forth, incensed. 

“Ohhhhh, I should have crushed that stupid wreath the moment he gave it to me, that prick. I’m going to put that complete asshole in his place, ahole in the ground like the peasant he is. FLACS LEN!,  he just makes me want to scream, that- that utter dickhead!”

“Ayup Niki! Hiya Ranboo!” Jack Manifold’s voice made it’s way to the two of them, and Ranboo, now having to try her best to calm down, turned to him trying to keep a “glower off of her face, shoving her wreath into her inventory and sitting down grumpily.

“Hi Jack!” Niki replied brightly. Jack made his way over to them and sat down a little ways away from them both.

“What’ve you two been up to this fine summer's day?” He said good naturedly.

“Oh, we were just discussing the wreaths Tubbo made us.” Niki said, holding hers up, the scent of the tulips carrying on the breeze.

Jack gave a low whistle as he saw Niki’s wreath. “Gee, that’s a much nicer one than what he gave me!” he said, admiring the blooms.

“Oh, was yours made with wither roses?” Niki joked.

Jack laughed. “Oh no, I mean he made it well! It’s just that it’s meaning was essentially “you have forgotten how to be humble. Get better.” I have a feeling Tommy was part of that. I was reading between the lines a bit but when I asked he told me as such to my face.”

Niki laughed whilst Ranboo fumed inside. If Tubbo could be bothered to insult Jack Manifold and tell him upfront, why couldn’t he show the same base level of respect to xer? 

“But really Niki, he’s given yours such a nice meaning, I didn’t think he had it in him. “ Jack remarked.

As Niki and Ranboo looked very confused at this statement, Jack continued hurriedly, “ The orange tulips mean good fortune, right? And the white ones mean wisdom, and the glow berries are for cheerfulness. Stop looking at me like that!” He laughed.

“What, are you confused that he gave you a compliment? I mean, I am a bit surprised too-”

‘Oh no no, Jack,” Niki said, shaking her head, passing her book along to Jack. “I’m just really confused as to how you got those meanings! See, i got this book of flower meanings from Phil last year and mine says something quite different.”

“Oh that’s cause your’s isn’t the Apian flower meaning!” Jack said, turning it over carefully. “I got curious about what my wreath meant last year, so i looked up a book in the library about it.”

“How do you still remember all the meanings though?” Ranboo asked, tail swishing in fascination.

“Well, the book was really interesting and had some other stuff about Apian culture and a few other societies from the Northernmost Area, and well, since everyone here is so different, it'd be helpful to know stuff wouldn’t it? I though i should at least memorise the flower stuff as that would be easy and might come in handy, as it has. ” Jack said,handing Niki her book back.

“And since James is still building the library, I thought I’d just keep the book until he noticed it was gone. And he’s a thoroughly shit librarian cause I’ve had it far past it’s return date. I can lend it to you if you want.”

“Awesome!” Niki said, grinning. “Do you think you could tell us what Ranboo’s wreath means?” she continued, angling her head in Ranboo’s direction.

Ranboo snorted. “It’s probably something thoroughly insulting, no doubt,” xe snipped, still very irritated with the whole affair, but she handed her wreath over to Jack anyway.

They turned away, almost scared of what the wreath would mean. After almost a minute of excruciating silence and hushed whispers, they had to look back at the other two, who were both trying very hard to hold back a laugh.

“What!” she snapped, and Niki started giggling. Feeling xer ears heat, she began to think of the worst insults they could use before Jack interrupted.

“No,  really Ranboo, honest, he’s given you a very nice meaning. We were just, um, not quite expecting it.”

“W-well, what is it?” She said, growing impatient.

“Seems Tubbo has given you a love letter with flowers” Niki giggled, and Ranboo’s heart stopped.

“... What?” she said faintly, ears flushing furiously.

“Well,” Jack said, trying not to grin. “He’s given you white roses to mean “new love”,”

Ranboo’s face was ferociously hot, as she tried to not let either of them read her face and failed miserably.

“Alliums mean adoration, gosh he’s such a sap isn’t he?” Jack continued, sending Niki into a fit of giggles.

Ranboo wrapped their tail around her arm as she tried to not let it wave in excitement, and her face felt like it was on fire.

“And finally, pink tulips mean true love and promises.” Jack was fully grinning now, and Niki was beside herself.

Ranboo was blushing a deep purple, and all thoughts of “putting him in his place” had flown far, far away from her mind.

They sat in silence, attempting to come to terms with this new information she had been given.

“W-well,” she stuttered, “th-thats, certainly s-something i suppose..” Xe couldn't even look at the other two because she knew what their expressions would be.

“So, you gonna ask him about it?” Niki teased and Ranboo decided xe had had enough. 

“Well! Th-thank you both very much for helping me, i-i’ve got to be going now. Bye!” 

With that, she stuffed her wreath into their inventory and used what remaining energy they had left to teleport all the way back home.

Jack and Niki took one look at each other before they both burst into a fit of laughter.

“Remember the time Tommy told you to give me a bouquet of roses for Valentines?” Niki giggled. Jack’s face screwed up, before he started laughing.

“Oh yes, because apparently I have the romantic charm of a dead bug, and that I really needed help, as he so kindly put it” Jack said.

Niki burst into peals of laughter. “Oh Jack, “ she sung, “You’re a lovely guy but I'd rather go for a nice long swim in lava than date you.”

Jack held a hand to his heart. “Oh Niki, “ he simpered, “ You flatter me so. I must say, if I ever had to date you I would rather help Charlie clean all the slime out of his tank.”

They both shuddered at that.

“Let’s hope Tommy never forces us to go on a date then,” Niki said.

“That, would probably be best,” Jack agreed.

----------

It was now the last day of the year, the imminent “New years” only a few hours away, and Ranboo had not left their cave since the incident with Jack and Niki at the dock 4 days prior.  A slightly worried Philza had come past, and asked if xe was feeling unwell, but she threw an empty book at him and shouted at him to go away. He had gotten the message.

Ranboo had spent 4 days in her cave, ignoring Wilbur’s messages about Tommy’s week of prime, thankfully not having to dodge any messages or visits from Sneeg or Fundy as the two had decided to go spend a few days back at Sneeg’s old “realm” after getting thoroughly drunk and reminiscing, and Jack and Niki, seeing as they knew what they knew, had thought it best to leave xer alone for a while.

And now it was 8pm on the last day of the year, and Ranboo really couldn't avoid it any longer. “It” being the problem of Tubbo, whom she had found that maybe, awfully, hopefully, she didn’t entirely hate. Oh who was she kidding, he had confessed that he was in love with her and apparently xe had only just realised she felt the same. Now, she held the power in this situation, and yet she was far more afraid. Xe had to go to the celebration tonight, more out of fear of what Tommy and Wilbur would do to her tomorrow if she didn’t, by=ut she desperately didn’t want to face Tubbo.

“Maybe” they thought to themself as they anxiously put the finishing touches on her outfit, “ I can just show up, exchange whatever gifts I need to and leave before he notices me.”

During their 4 days of alone time, they had written up a formidable list of “new years” gifts they had to get, and had decided to get everyone the same thing, with variations for each person’s own style.

As she looked in the mirror, xe froze and her cheeks flushed. When had they decided to wear that dress? Definitely not because Tubbo had complimented it once. She pushed that thought to the back of xer mind and checked their invitation again.

'`PARTY AT THE PUB(E)!’ it said, scrawled in Tommy’s handwriting. “BE THERE OR BE A BITCH!” Underneath, in a much neater font, Wilbur had written. “The celebrations will go on for god knows how long, but please try to arrive from 7 - 8:30 so everyone can exchange gifts, and those who need to sleep can join in on time for their sleep schedules.”

Checking the clock, which read 8:25 now, Ranboo took a deep breath to still xer racing heart, and teleported to the top of the Pub(e). However, instead of being greeted with noise and music and partying and laughter, as she had expected, there was silence.

As xe cautiosuly open her eyes, she was then greeted with a giant shout of “HAPPY END OF THE YEAR!” and was then barrelled over by a very excited Tommy.

‘RANBOO MY FAVOURITE STUCK UP DICKHEAD! Look at the decorations we did, I helped the most, do you really like that juice stuff that much? I tried some and it sucked balls-” 

Tommy was rambling very excitedly, her feathers all puffed up and her eyes bright with what Ranboo guessed was sugar.

“Yes yes Tommy, good to see you too-” She began, not having listened to his previous rambling, when she stood up and was shocked by what she saw.  

Garlands of various shades and patterns in purple were strung across the beams that were built into the roof of the Pub(e), and small lanterns with Ender symbols on them were hanging about the room. There was a large bowl of punch that had the soft, sour scent of chorus fruit, and the fruit itself garnished cupcakes that sat on the table. At the very centre of the roof, there hung a paper ender dragon, with glitter on it’s wings and two small amethyst shards for it’s eyes. In the centre of the room, the tree of prime had an enderman sitting atop it, and it was adorned with all things purple. 

“Sooo…,” Phil said, his eyes wrinkling in that way they did when he was trying not to smile because he was very pleased with himself.

“A little bee told me about some celebrations you have in The End, and although I know it’s not quite the right time for you, I thought you might appreciate something more familiar this year, seeing as it’s your first time celebrating  new years with us.”

Everyone else had already started the celebrations, conversations being loud and rambunctious, with a few people drifting over to the food table, and a couple more adding their presents under the prime tree.

“What do you think?” Phil said, smiling at her.

In a strangled voice she replied “I-it’s… nice.”

Phil grinned delightedly. “Do you really think so? We put in so much effort, but I can’t take all the credit. It was Tubbo’s idea after all.”

“...Pardon?” Ranboo croaked, her heart racing at the mention of his name. “What did T-Tubbo do?”

“Oh he told me he heard you talking about this and that about The End and he got a few ideas.. But why don’t you talk to him yourself! Tubbo, mate!” Phil waved Tubbo over, who looked a little nervous but nowhere near close to how Ranboo felt. Xe cursed Phil a million times over in her head, casting as many threats of eternal suffering on him as possible as they glared at his retreating back.

“Uhm, so, hi?” Tubbo said, and Ranboo snapped back to look at him, before she promptly flushed and looked away.

In the continuing silence, Tubbo attempted to fill the awkwardness.

“I hope you don’t mind that I uh, kinda overheard you talking to Sneeg the other day,” Tubbo stumbled over his words. “I really hope you don’t think I’m weird, I just  thought, well, i-it’s your first new years with us, and we’ve done heaps of celebrations from everyone else’s homes, s-so I thought it would be fair?”

Ranboo had yet to reply to him, but xe hadn’t started shouting at him either, so he took it as a good sign.

“But yeah! Tommy and Wilbur especially got really excited when Phil asked them to help out. Techno made the dragon! A-and Phil and Tommy and I made the banners. Beau offered to help make food, and Wilbur made the chorus fruit punch, so if it’s really bad that’s why sorry. I uh, didn’t know much about End customs and the book I got, wasn’t that helpful, but I hope it’s alright? And that I haven’t accidentally offended you?-’ Tubbo’s anxious rambling was cut off as he heard a sizzling sound, and he turned in alarm to see that Ranboo was crying.

“Shi! Fuck, Ranboo I’m so sorry, fuck fuck fuck where are the bandages,” Tubbo grabbed her by the claw and dragged them into the kitchen, and he started rummaging around in the drawers. 

“Here!’ he said as he flung a tea towel at their head, and grabbed the first aid box. “Uh, just hold that to your face, and try to st-stop crying? Sorry.” Seeing as they had grabbed a bit of attention from the other people at the party, Niki and Phil in particular looking on worriedly, Tubbo suggested, “H-how about we head outside?”

Ranboo nodded, and thankful to finally have a response from xer, he once again grabbed their hands and pulled them outside, to sit on a bench overlooking the crater, the music from inside muffled.

Tubbo took his time applying the burn cream to their face and carefully placing the healing enchantments on her skin.

“There, that should be all good,” he said, relieved, and then he noticed how close he was to her face. Ranboo looked him in the eyes, and flushing, they both turned away from each other awkwardly.

Neither of them said a word for a while, listening to the chatter and laughter from inside, the awkward silence slowly being filled in by the music drifting outside on the breeze.

“Thank you,” Ranboo whispered. Surprised Tubbo turned to see them looking right at him, ears a dark purple and clawss fidgeting.

‘God she’s really pretty,” he thought, his own face a bright red.

“It was n-nothing, don’t worry-” he began before they interrupted him.

“It wasn’t nothing,” xe said, her claw finding his hand, and Tubbo’s heart skipped a beat as he zeroed in on every single moment of this conversation. “Obviously, thank you for the bandages,” she said, laughing a little, and oh how his heart fluttered when xe laughed. Her voice was like starlight. And he knew he was down bad when he preferred to hear xer cursing him than to hear nothing at all.

“I, I wanted to say thank you, f-for all this, though” they said quietly.

“It wasn’t anything really-” Tubbo said, laughing awkwardly.

“Shut up.” Ranboo said quietly. “It, it was something, to me. I, just,” And now she was crying again, and fucking hell did it hurt. 

“Here!” Tubbo said, grabbing a towel soaked in healing potion. 

He held it under her eyes as xe tried their best to compose xerself.

“Thank you, Tubbo” she said, as he blushed, still holding her face. 

“I guess I hadn’t quite realised, j-just how much I missed home. And, and the fact th-that you’d put so much effort into th-” a hiccup, “ i-into this, for me, I don’t know what to say, except… thank you.”

The two stared at each other, the music now picking up full swing inside, and they heard a shout and a crash, probably Tommy.

“I found out what the flowers meant,” Ranboo whispered, taking the bandage from xer face and smiling at him.

Tubbo’s heart dropped. ‘Y-you did?” he squeaked, palms sweating,  fingers tightly clutching his shirt, his lower hands now desperately trying not to fidget.

“Yes.” Ranboo smiled and Tubbo hoped, that maybe, maybe maybe maybe, it meant something good.

“It was a very nice wreath. I really liked it.” she remarked.

“I really like you,” Tubbo thought as she leaned in a little closer. “Please, please, don’t let this be her making fun of me. I don’t want to cry in front of xer today.”

“W-well, I did spend a lot of time on it,” Tubbo admitted. Quietly, he added, “And I made sure your’s was the prettiest.”

“I think you’re the prettiest,” Ranboo said, both of xer claws now holding his, and his heart stopped. Ranboo’s face was dark purple, and Tubbo was sure that his was redder than Tommy’s plumage.

“Can I kiss you?” he blurted out.

“Yes” Ranboo whispered, xer clawcradling his cheek.

They both leaned, Tubbo’s hand holding her claw, their eyes slowly closing-

“TUBBO IT’S GIFTING TIME, COME ON HURRY UP” Tommy screeched from inside, and two broke apart.

“U-uh, yeah, we’re coming Tommy!” Tubbo shouted back.

They sat for a moment, until the absolute awful horrible awkwardness of th situation was too much to bear.

Avoiding Ranboo’s gaze Tubbo jerked his thumb in the direction of the doorway as he stood up.  ‘W-well, you heard her, we should probably go-”

Ranboo walked over to him, bent down and kissed him on the cheek, his sentence stopping as his brain short circuited. 

“Come on Tubbo, you wouldn’t want to keep Tommy waiting,” xe grinned at him, before sweeping past him and walking inside.

Tubbo, completely flustered, took a moment to bury his face in his hands, before composing himself and going to join Ranboo in the Pub(e).

----------

“Ranboo! Tubso!” Tommy crowed in delight, running up to the two of them, her wings puffed up in excitement. “You guys were out there for ages, it’s gift giving time! C’mon c’mon!” He then grabbed both of their hands and dragged them towards the prime tree, where they were both roughly shoved to a sitting position on the ground whilst Tommy sat in between them and demanded as much attention as possible.

Phil surveyed the room from the rafters, watching people take their sweet time getting to the gifting circle and decided the hour was near. 

“Techno, ring the bell!” He called, and Techno promptly did as he was ordered,  a clanging ringing out across the room.

“Crowfather is askin’ for attention, an’ I wanna go to sleep, so everyone hurry up!” Techno called, his ears twitching, and anyone who had yet to be seated hurried to the circle. Techno took his place in between Niki and Wilbur, and all was hushed.

Philza swooped down from the rafters to laughter and applause, along with Tommy squeezing both Tubbo and Ranboo’s claws until they went numb.

“Hey mates,” Phil said, having donned a fancier hat for the occasion of New Years, and his homemade “Crow Father” tie made by Tommy when she was young. He held a bright purple shulker box, which he placed on the ground.

“Now, as you all know this is our little tradition, where I give out gifts that are better than all of yours and i do it in a fancier way,” that got  a few laughs, “and this year I just wanted to acknowledge that the celebration we decided to theme this new years after was The Great Sleep, which as one of the major End holidays, I’m sure Ranboo can tell you all about.”

Ranboo, a little embarrassed at now having so many eyes on them, stilled her face and tried to look bored, but Tubbo saw xer tail waving surreptitiously.

“And now with that acknowledged, we go on to my portion of the gift giving!” Phil said with a smile, and he started to hand out a bundle of presents.

Tommy received a specially knitted scarf for his eggs, with warming and protection enchantments sewn in, and he chirped with joy, wigs flapping up and down and banging into Tubbo and Ranboo, feathers going everywhere. Tubbo was handed a new toolset, with a few extra hard to find pieces to build that one specific contraption he’d been rambling to Tommy about for weeks, and the look on his face when he saw it was enough to make Ranboo’s heart explode. 

And finally, Ranboo received a book. The outside was a beautifully dyed leather like material, the colour swirling shades of silver and purple. It had a metal clasp, and the pages were made of the finest, most wonderful paper Ranboo had ever seen. Inside was a quill, the feather one of Tommy’s most beautiful, a bright red with flecks of gold and white edges.

“Even though Will has apologised for the incident with the other book earlier this year,” Phil said, “I thought it was a shame you had to get rid of such a nice book, and I thought you might appreciate a nice replacement.”

Ranboo couldn’t cry again, not after the amount of enchantments that had already been used to heal xer face.

“It is a very suitable replacement” xe said, barely containing their smile. “I would think it of high enough calibre to be better than the old one.”

Phil grinned, and she knew he had understood.

The gifting went on, Ranboo giving each person her gift and receiving a lot in turn. Xe had made everyone a piece of jewellery, some people a bracelet, others a necklace if it suited them, and more specialised pieces for her closer friends. For Wilbur, she had made a hanging charm to attach to his sunhat, and then she had to deal with his blubbering as she patted him on the back and avoided getting burnt. 

For Tommy, there was a specific anklet, that was very, very resistant, and waterproof, and fireproof, and wouldn’t get worn by time as quickly as anything else Tommy wore normally would. For xer efforts she was gifted a faceful of feathers and screeching, but at least they knew that to be signs of their friend’s excitement.

Jack had received some earring studs, which he immediately wore with pride, and began boasting to Niki about how handsome they made him. Niki ignored him in favour of profusely thanking Ranboo for her nose piercing  that had the tiniest, shiniest amethyst shard glimmering in it. Techno received a silver crown with amethysts, to add to his ever growing collection, to which he responded with a tight hug and a “This is nice. Thanks.”

Ranboo had yet to give Tubbo his present, but she had no time to worry on that when she was receiving a hat for her egg from Tommy, a collection of glass bottles with fancy detailing and gems as cork stoppers from Wilbur, a truly glorious collection of (dry) pieces of gold and interesting antiquities Niki had found in an abandoned ship,  soft, knitted socks from Techno, a small lute from Freddy, a basket made of reeds and full of (possibly either burnt or undercooked) muffins from Beau, and a wink and a nudge from Jack as he handed her “The Complete and Utter guide to Apia: all about the customs, language and culture of the Apian Society.”

“You should read chapter 14 first,” He said, grinning. “I think you’ll find it the most interesting.”

(And, if later that night, Ranboo did turn to “Chapter 14: How to win (and be won over) by a member of the most romantic culture in the world” and read that first, well who was to know?)

----------

Somehow, Ranboo and Tubbo found themselves outside again, all alone, yet to have given each other a present.

“Well,” thought Tubbo, “It’s now or never, or tomorrow when it might be really awkward and  I have ruined things, so best to get it over and done with.”

“Here,” he said, giving her a velvet box. “I, uh hope it’s up to standard.”

Curiously, Ranboo inspected the box. A smooth black velvet on the outside, no clasp and no signs at all of a maker’s signature. Shrugging to themself, xe opened it. Inside was a necklace, made of silver and as thin and fine as cobwebs.  It  looped endlessly, looking like a layer of lace, with small ovals of obsidian in between, polished beyond perfection to make it shine and glimmer in the low light. At it’s centre, there was an oval circled in silver, inside an emerald and a ruby, cut into perfect shape, and both matching the exact shading of her eyes.

“I know you already have a lot of jewellery, but i haven’t seen you wear much silver stuff so...” Tubbo trailed off, his boot scuffing on the ground. 

“I love it,” Ranboo breathed, xer eyes as wide as moonstones. They traced their fingers over each individual loop of silver, each piece of obsidian, the pendant in the centre, the whole thing shimmering with the faintest light of enchantment.

“This is, this isi gorgeous,” she said, absolutely enthralled. “Where did you get it? I have to talk to whoever made this, it-it’s perfect!” xe said, turning to him and leaning in close. Tubbo gulped, leaning back a little as his wings started to flutter. 

“Ah,” he said shyly, hiding behind his fringe. “Uh, I made it.”

“Oh.” Ranboo said, and they blushed, internally cursing herself for xer earnestness.

“W-well, Tubbo, it’s, really lovely.” Xe smiled, and Tubbo couldn’t help himself from grinning, his wings fluttering as he began to float. 

“I’m so glad you like it,” he whispered.

Ranboo smiled, xer pulse racing. He really was so beautiful.

“Oh, uh, your present, I should probably” Ranboo muttered as xe remembered, carefully tucking the box into her inventory, “Uh, where is it,” xe searched through her pockets until they found it.

“This is for you,” Ranboo said, pulling out a bouquet of blooming pink tulips. They were in a wonderfully crafted vase, made of all shades of stained glass, and tied around it was a matching pink bow.

As Tubbo accepted it, his face unreadable, Ranboo nervously added “I put an anti-aging charm on them, s-so they shouldn’t die for quite a while hopefully.”

Tubbo placed the vase on the bench, and hovering a little higher, he held Ranboo’s face in both his hands, his lower pair grabbing her claws. 

Gently, he placed a kiss on her forehead. “I think you figured it out, but in case you couldn’t tell, I really like you,” he whispered, and Ranboo flushed, laughing at the surprise. 

Xe pressed a light kiss to his lips, and he went from pink to red. ‘In case you couldn’t tell,” she teased as he stuttered, “I really like you as well.”

Light exploded in the distance, and they both watched as the fireworks started, a cascade of gold and silver light pouring down the sky.

“How do those work?” Ranboo wondered aloud, as red and purple light flashed up above.

“OH!” Tubbo said excited, “You, see, it’s actually quite interesting, Phil told me about it-” He stopped as xe stared at them

“Wh-why are you looking at me like that?” he laughed.

Ranboo grinned and shook her head. “I love when you get all excited about explaining things.” She said, and xe leaned forwards to kiss him again.

“Thank you for making new years so fun.” Ranboo laughed. 

Tubbo grinned. “I look forward to celebrating it again with you next year.”

The sky was filled with colour, and Ranboo decided that, even if she still didn’t fully get what new years was, xe was so glad she was celebrating it with the people they loved.

End Note.

oogity boogity my computer has been broken since before the last gift exchange bejeezus. Anywho, wrote the last 7k words of this on a keyboard atachted to someone else's computer, so glad i don't have to write on my phone anymore. First fic i've written that has reached over 10k words, wahoo!

if there are any typos don't be rude about it thanking you. I am tired, i hope you enjoy! goodbye

#mine writing #gift fic #gift exchange #origins ranboo #origins tubbo #yayyyyyyy i'm doneee wheeeee