#(...and i continue to sob over Fi mentions in games to this day)

[farfromsugafanfic]

Sutures - Chapter Three: Anosognosia

Genre: Soulmates AU, Idiots to Lovers, slight Enemies to Lovers

Pairing: Yoongi/Named Reader

Warnings (chapter specific): drinking, drunkenness, light smut, sex dream, implications of oral sex, obsessive behavior from an ex, unhealthy relationship dynamic (not on part of Yoongi & OC)

Synopsis: “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” –Jean de la Fontaine

There was only one thing you and Min Yoongi had in common that night. You were both brokenhearted. You only intended to be together for one night, but when you both end up in the hospital the next day you discover that you are soulmates. It could kill you to be apart. As you and Yoongi attempt to sever the bond between you, will another be formed?

Notes: This was originally written and completed on Wattpad between 2018 and the beginning of 2020. I’ll be slowly posting the chapters here. I may make a tag list depending on if enough people want to follow along with updates. Leave me some feedback if you would like added to a tag list.

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Yoongi saw the look in your eyes shift from soft curiosity to sheer panic. He felt the pit of his stomach fill with guilt. He shouldn't have slept with you; sure, the two of you would still have this problem, but no one would've had reason to find your shoes. You wouldn't have had reason to leave them behind. 

He'd felt betrayed, he'd felt lonely, he'd felt unloved by those he wanted to love him most. But, that was no excuse to sleep with the first attractive girl he found. 

"Have you told Bang PD yet?" Namjoon asked, his demeanor calm, but Yoongi could see the slight shock cross over his features, causing his thick lips to pout and his chin to jut out. 

Yoongi shook his head.

"I'll call him," Namjoon said. The leader placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. He blocked Yoongi's view of you. He worried in those few seconds you were blocked from his view that you would collapse into Namjoon's chest and cry the tears meant for him. The tears because of him. 

Namjoon left the room, leaving Yoongi alone with you. He tried his best not to focus on the way your tank top hugged your chest and exposed the hickeys he'd left the night before and that Namjoon probably noticed it too.

"You look tired," Yoongi said. "We can't do anything until tomorrow anyway. Try and get some sleep."

You nodded and Yoongi wasn't sure if you were just trying to reassure him or yourself. He remembered the way you'd fallen asleep long before he did. The way you'd fit against his body; how it felt like two puzzle pieces joining together for the first time. He blinked away the thoughts and tried to focus back down on your eyes. 

"We'll pay them off," Yoongi said. "We'll make sure nothing comes of this."

---

Jihee (9:00 am): Are you all right?

Jihee (9:05 am): I heard you're in the hospital

Jihee (10:01 am): None of your members are texting me back

Jihee (12:31 pm): Baby, the news is reporting something about your soulmate? What happened last night?

Jihee (2:43 pm): Yoongi! Please respond to me! I'm worried

Jihee (5:12 pm): Yoongi...what I did last night...what happened was all a mistake...

Jihee (5:12 pm): I still love you

Jihee (6:00 pm): The news said you were released hours ago! Respond to me!

Jihee (8:20 pm): Yoongi, I miss you

Jihee (9:30 pm): I know I don't deserve you. But, please just tell me you're okay

Jihee (11:50 pm): Goodnight. Love you.

---

"Baby," you moaned. Your hands slipping beneath Yoongi's shirt. They were cold, but he still loved the way they moved over his stomach and chest. Your fingertips grazing over his skin, a fingernail occasionally catching and causing him to squirm.

His hands were in your hair, messing it up and causing it to form mountain ranges as his fingers hiked the peaks and valleys. He loved the way it felt between his fingers, soft and light. 

Your lips moved from his and down to his neck where your lipstick stained his skin. He kept his grip on your hair, feeling it tug slightly as you move downward. He helped you slip his shirt off as your lips connected with his chest. 

"You don't have--"

You silenced him by tugging on the waistband of his jeans and rubbing your thumb over the button, teasing him slightly. 

"I want to," you responded, unbuttoning his jeans. 

Yoongi tightened his grip on your hair, trying not to focus on the way your lipstick was smeared above your lips. He could already imagine the way they'd look...

His head lulled back and his fingers loosened. 

---

Yoongi awoke. He was covered in sweat and ran his hand through his hair. He glanced down at his phone: 6:41 am. He sighed and headed to the bathroom. 

He slapped himself softly, trying to stop the thoughts that continued to cross his mind. He didn't have feelings for you, it was simply lingering from he slept with you. Nothing else. 

He wasn't going to deny he was attracted to you, he wouldn't have gone back to your apartment otherwise, but he felt nothing romantically for you. Yoongi knew the attraction would continue and probably only get worse, but he had to fight it. The last thing he wanted to do was break either of hearts more than they already were. 

Yoongi turned on the shower, the water colder than usual.

---

You stood in Yoongi's studio where he kept his computer. You'd suppressed your laughter at the ridiculous amount of hoops you'd had to jump through in order to enter. A doorbell, black curtain, and two doors. You respected the fact he took his work seriously though. The wall full of awards and trophies he'd won, a few even separate from BTS.

There was a couch in the corner, but you were too anxious to sit. You just wanted your shoes back and whoever took them to get their money and leave you alone. You were thankful your name hadn't been released and the only other person who knew the full truth was Eunji.

"There's many of us trying," Yoongi said. "Me, Namjoon, our managers, other people at the company. One of us will get them." 

You nodded and watched as the countdown on the auction neared two minutes to the end. There weren't many bids, but the shoes were somehow already over 300,000 won ($276 USD). You'd brought your knitting needles and some yarn and mindlessly knitted.

"What are you making?" Yoongi asked, a small smile breaking out across his lips. It was tiny and barely recognizable. You weren't sure if he pitied you or if simply trying to break the tension. 

"Nothing in particular," you said. "I just need something to keep me busy." 

Normally, when you went in without a plan, it turned out as a scarf. You bit you lip as the timer hit a minute. 

Yoongi saw your gaze shift to his screen and he readied to enter his bid as close to the end as he could. He entered one million won ($920.00 USD) and hovered his finger over the enter button. 

"That's too much!" you said. 

"No one will outbid it."

"I know," you said. "But I feel bad. I shouldn't have forgotten them in the first place." 

The timer hit twenty seconds. Ten seconds. Yoongi waited just a few more seconds wanting to time it just right. 

You heard a scream and a crash and almost simultaneously an error message appeared on Yoongi's computer. Please connect to Wi-Fi.

"Shit," Yoongi said. "Jimin!"

You followed Yoongi to the living room, leaving the partially started scarf behind. You saw Jimin and Jungkook crowded around the router working to connect the cord back into it. 

"Did you trip over it again?" Yoongi asked, his voice breathy and exasperated. 

"Sorry," he said. "I'm not used to it." 

Yoongi sighed and turned back to you. His dark eyes looked down at you apologetically and he sat down on the couch, pulling out his phone. 

"I'll try and see if I can see who won." 

---

"It looks like they're going to have to come out and fix it," Namjoon said, hanging up the phone. "We won't have internet until then." 

The members groaned. 

Jungkook walked into the kitchen and brought back a case of beer, a smirk plastered on his face. 

"Let's play a game," he said. "To welcome Sumi to the dorm."

"What game?" Namjoon asked. 

"Answer or drink," he said. "On your turn, someone asks you a question and if you don't want to answer it, you have to drink." 

Everyone agreed and sat in a circle. Yoongi sat on one side of you and Hoseok on the other side. Your knee brushed Yoongi's and you felt a small pang in your chest as you pulled away.

"All right, we'll go in order of age. Jin, you're up first." 

You didn't really pay attention to the questions. You'd fall somewhere towards the end. Between Jungkook and Taehyung. 

Jin answered the question. He didn't seem like the type to be embarrassed easily, a quality you admired in the eldest. 

---

"Yoongi," Jungkook said. "Your turn."

The room stayed silent. No one had a question for the boy and he couldn't help but smirk slightly. However, Taehyung meekly raised his hand. 

"What happened with Jihee?"

Yoongi cussed to himself. He knew she had been texting the other members about him. The other members would always consult him first before telling her anything when it was obvious he wasn't talking to her. 

"She cheated," Yoongi answered simply. 

The other boys' eyes widened and they nodded. However, it wasn't their gazes Yoongi felt boring into him. It was yours. He could feel your eyes staring at his profile. 

Yoongi had been careful the night he met you. He managed not even to tell you his name. He'd only mentioned he'd recently gotten out of a relationship. He figured you didn't need to hear his sob story. Besides, he planned on keeping Jihee's betrayal a secret. Just as she wanted. The only people he could trust with the truth were his members. 

But, you deserved to know the truth. It was unfair to keep you completely at a distance, especially when he'd overheard everything about your ex.

Yoongi noticed you drinking, you'd already cracked open another can by the time it got Namjoon. He felt a twinge in his chest. Yoongi quickly suppressed it, your drinking habits were none of his business. And based on the way Eunji talked the night at the bar, it didn't sound like you drank much. Only when your heart was broken.

"Sumi," Jungkook said. "Your turn." 

Again, the room fell silent. No one knew Sumi well enough to ask her such a personal question. But, then again, everyone was tipsy, or in a few cases, already drunk. 

"How's Yoongi in bed?" 

Everyone except for Yoongi and you laughed. 

"Seriously?" Yoongi asked. 

He knew it was the alcohol that asked the question, but it was still inappropriate. He didn't want you to have to drink. Your eyes were glazed and your cheeks rosy. 

Yoongi reached over and drank for you, crumpling the can when he finished. 

"Move on," he said. "It should be your turn, right, Jungkook?"

"Wait," you said. "I didn't answer." 

Everyone turned to look at you. It was obvious you were too drunk to notice that Yoongi had technically already drank for you. 

"He's good," you answered. "Better than my ex and I hate that cause..." 

You drifted off not noticing the seven stunned faces staring at you.Your words slurred, but they hung in the room. Your eyelids drooped and your head lulled forward into your chest. 

"I think it's time for bed," Namjoon said, standing up and helping you stand. He threw an arm around you and led you down the hall towards your bedroom. 

Despite the fact that the situation was perfectly appropriate, Yoongi still felt a small pang of jealousy. He knew he shouldn't and that it was all the soulmates thing, but that didn't stop his fists from clenching. 

"She probably won't remember this in the morning," Yoongi said. "Don't remind her."

Yoongi swallowed the rest of his drink and left the room on the pretenses of being sleepy--which he was--but he also didn't want anyone to see the blush come to his cheeks. 

---

You awoke the next morning with the worst headache you'd ever had. You clutched your forehead and glanced at the time: 10:30 am. You sighed. 

You spotted your knitting things from yesterday placed on top of the dresser. You didn't remember fetching them from Yoongi's studio, but then again, you barely remembered anything after Jimin knocked the Wi-fi out. 

"All I drank was beer," you muttered to yourself. 

You weren't known for being a lightweight causing you to wonder just how much you'd drank the night before.

As you squirmed you felt something soft move in the crook of your arm. You looked down and saw Kitty. You smiled at the stuffed cat and her droopy eye. 

#bts #fanfic #fanfiction #fan fiction #farfromsuga #bts fan fiction #bts fanfction #bts fanfic #bts imagines #btsfanfic #yoongi #yoongi fan fiction #min yoongi fanfic #suga fan fiction #suga fanfic #yoongi fanfic #yoongi soulmate au #bts soulmate au #soulmate au #min yoongi #min suga #yoongi fluff #bts yoongi #yoongi x reader #yoongi x oc #bangtan fanfic #originally posted on wattpad #bangtan ff #yoongi ff

[corvidshipping]

modern au red/milo dump while i try to get myself together to answer asks nd work on ATJ:

(tw for alcohol mentions near the end, also this is an EXTREMELY long post, its so long that even after i split it into categorized sections each section could be its own post)

CLOTHING

milo absolutely has no sense of fashion. i feel like this is basically canon - for the styles at the time, he dresses fairly basic, mostly focused on looking put together for his job (definitely dresses aimed more towards how he would like to be treated by his peers, despite his actual position - then again our best example outside of the expedition is when he's about to deliver what he considers the most important presentation of his life, so who knows, maybe he usually dresses like a slob). aside from that his main concern seems like practicality and comfort. his wardrobe is dominated by earth tones - beiges and greens set with white and greys. all of that taken into account, i can see him dressing like this in a more modern era:

basically- a lot of cardigans, usually collared shirts or comfortable turtlenecks (since he does still occupy a research position at the smithsonian, even if only in title), big ol' coats, khakis and chinos and slightly stiff dress pants complete with ironed creases. i can see him wearing similar clothes outside work, just more comfortable - jeans and knitted shirts, henleys, more turtlenecks, and comfy cardigans over short sleeved shirts. i dont really see him wearing a lot of prints, i think he'd veer more towards solid clothes in lighter colors, but maybe he has a few. hes definitely the kind of guy to think of wearing the single graphic tee he owns as "bold and wild".

im very married to the idea of him wearing converse though. i cant explain it. milo in converse keeps me going in this world

hes kind of broke so i think maybe he got the converse secondhand maybe? or a gift of some kind. aside from the converse i can see him wearing a lot of oxfords and maybe wingtips

i want to see him in a hawaiian shirt so bad. i am losing it at this thought. he buttons it all the way up to his neck like someones awkward dad. milo wears a hawaiian shirt to "let loose". he wears it with like, khakis. or knee length jorts AHHHHDJHDSGJHDSJGh

a tie??? does he wear his hawaiian shirt with a tie???? does he think it makes it look cooler?????????? i am sobbing

red is the COMPLETE opposite. in the canon 1914 setting, red is already very rebellious for an AFAB person of their era- theyre openly a suffragette, they frequently refuse to wear skirts even in public and dress in mens clothes even before they were openly nonbinary, despite not being accepted into the male-dominated research fields and colleges they continue to educate themself with or without help, they purposely aim for an "unfeminine" silhouette when they dress, refuse to wear corsets, etc. (spoiler alert- there's a clear reason they get on so well with audrey in ATJ)

theyre also easily mistaken by people that didnt know them prior to their transition for being just a very small/young cis man- even though they canonically have a very soft "traditionally feminine" face

so basically, in any era theyre set into, red is always gonna aim to be ahead of the curve- both in their personal beliefs and practices and in their fashion. theyre also very androgynous in their clothes, although they tend to aim a bit more masculine (thats partially due to the era though, and having been forced into skirts exclusively for their entire life- i think in a modern setting where its more acceptable for AFABs to dress and act in a less hyperfeminine way, theyd be more okay with a fluidity in their gender presentation).

all that taken into account, i can see them dressing like this:

lots of baggy clothes, especially baggy jackets and shirts. they like loose fitting high waisted pants like JNCO jeans, cargo pants, etc but they arent averse to pencil legs. they rarely ever wear skinny jeans or drainpipes though. messy hair is a lifestyle for them- their haircut is definitely home-done

you know how in BICSTLY they used to have really long hair before they cut it? in a modern au i can see them impulsively doing the cut at like 3am and waking milo up at his door cause they screwed it up and he ends up having to help fix it (even though hes literally no better at cutting hair than them. worse even)

definitely have an undercut bob- bob on top, shaven on the bottom layer. they might end up growing their hair into a mullet at some point if they get bored. probably dyes their hair all the time out of boredom and then regrets it later and has to use dye remover.

lots of ripped tights and fishnets, leggings with big loose crop tops, big hoodies, safety pin jewelry and homemade jewelry. maybe some sticknpokes.

all that said, they still know how to dress in a professional situation. since its a modern au theres really nothing holding them back from the education and career they canonically want but cant get in the 1910s, so i imagine they would work at the smithsonian as well, maybe their father helped them get the job? potentially in that case they might be his assistant- after all, he trusts their opinion on artifacts more than anyone else's.

at work you can still very much see the punk/skater/grunge/goth style but its more understated- turtlenecks, high waisted and looser dress pants, lots of black, slightly unbuttoned collared shirts with a loose overcoat and no tie

since i elaborated on milos shoe taste i may as well elaborate on red's: they definitely wear converse as well, probably newer than milo's since their father is fairly wealthy and they can afford it. they also have a doc martens collection. they have a pair of demonias but they never wear them and milo is really the only person to even know they own them, let alone see them in them. they really dont like to wear heels much, but they own a few just to play around with. they have a bad habit of wearing any laced shoes untied, but they never trip over the laces. they also use lace code- their most-worn Docs have purple laces on the right foot and yellow on the left. some of their Docs have (reclaimed) pink laces.

has an extensive pin collection including feminism pins, anti-racism pins, punk-related pins, skater-related pins, and pop culture pins (80s music, modern music, old movies, etc)

MUSIC TASTE

milo's into a lot of older music- stuff from the 50s is his favorite. really into jazz and ballroom style stuff. his favorite band is queen, i think- he likes the old-fashioned sound, the jazz-chamber-ballroom influences, the diversity of their lyrics, and the complexity between the guitar riffs, the basslines, and freddie's vocal runs as well as the vocal harmonies.

sometimes he hums good old fashioned lover boy to red and they two-step in the living room in their pajamas :pleading:

also very into rush. yes, he is a rush guy :pensive:.

also listens to a surprising amount of lo-fi? he really likes stuff that remixes older music with hip hop and lofi elements, like earl grey. nearly exclusively into instrumental stuff but also very into louie zong. he listens to it while he works a lot.

knows a lotttt of foreign artists, especially niche ones. fuckin LOVES casiopea

red's spotify is a goddamn mess. everything from 2000s emo, to classic 70s punk, to post-punk and new wave, to 90s pop, to rap. they cant be easily classified at all

their favorite bands are oingo boingo, prince, queen (they listen to a lot of their harder-rock music, but milo knows theyre into the ballads too. theyll never tell anyone else though), doja cat, lil nas, fall out boy, and billie eilish.

red recites the intro monologue to lets go crazy very seriously to make milo laugh, sometimes. they get very into it with their facial expressions. sometimes it devolves into a full air guitar/keyboard/drum and wild dancing session. milo does not know how to participate in this but he loves watching them have fun with it. sometimes they pull him off the couch to make him dance with them, though

they are a huge sucker for dark pop, vaporwave, retrowave, EDM, hip hop, emo, punk... etc etc. anything that combines any two or more of those genres in an original or interesting way gets their attention right away

there's a lot of sharing between the two of them- even though their music tastes are so different, they like a lot of the others taste, and theyre always up to listen to whatever their partner is playing.

red is a huge softie, and milo has found them more than once listening to or humming something he was playing for them the other day because it reminded them of him

speaking of which- in the 1914 canon, red can play piano. i think that carries over to a modern au, where they could play piano and by extension keyboard. i like to think they experiment with a lot of instruments but i doubt they ever really mastered any others. maybe theyre okay at drums or bass?

they learned to play and sing teo torriatte for milo, as a surprise. when they first performed it for them, they had everything set up for when he got home from work- the lights were dimmed, they had candles lit around the keyboard, they draped stuff in cloth to make it look pretty, they scattered flower petals around. when milo walked in and saw it all, he almost proposed then and there- the only thing that stopped him was that he would kick himself for the rest of his life if he did that without a ring.

HOBBIES/ACTIVITIES

milo is still an avid chess player in this, but i like to think hes in some kind of groupchat or text or discord server for it. he doesnt necessarily consider any of the others in the chat close friends, but he does know them all by name

he tries to get red into chess but they never really get it

he tells them all about the stuff that goes down in the games and they just. do not understand. but they love listening to him get excited about it anyway

"red you're not gonna BELIEVE this, eddie played an italian game on star today! i thought for sure she would see through it since everyone knows it but she slipped and he beat her in like, 13 moves! i wouldnt have believed it if i hadnt been there!"

"yes sweetie please tell me more" (barely disguised pained expression)

red is a skater and a regular at the skate park by the smithsonian

most regulars there know them by name, they can spot a newbie a mile away

they have a sticker of a broken tv with a skull inside of it on the underside of their board, its become recognized as a symbol of them unofficially

since theyre so regular and have been going there a lot longer than most of the other skaters that frequent the place, a lot of what they say is kind of just accepted as the rules

they have a bad habit of lecturing new kids who show up without knee/elbow pads or helmets at the very least. all the other skaters enforce it too. kids dont end up showing up without protective gear very often after their first visit

they brought a first aid kid and left it there and everyone has kept it stocked pretty well without them having to have much input. its kind of just a communal first aid kit

they once drew the broken tv symbol on the inside of a half-pipe and everyone started calling it red's ramp after that

they also started calling the bowl at the center of the park the Soup Bowl and now thats just accepted as the name. some of the newer kids genuinely thought that it was called that by the park and were shocked when they found out it was just a random nickname red gave it one day

theyve brought milo a few times but hes extremely awkward on his feet and could never really get his balance on a skateboard, and quite frankly red is afraid of what might happen if he tried even a low ramp, so he usually just sits at the rim of the bowl while red skates around

everyone knew he was their boyfriend before they even met him. a few of the regulars called him by name right away. one of them was certain red had brought him before.

but no

they just talk so fuckin much about him that its like they already know him

aside from skateboarding, red is pretty good on rollerskates/blades

they tried to take milo to a roller rink once but it was a disaster and they ended up going home, changing into pajamas, ordering chinese food, and marathoning movies till they fell asleep on the couch together. so not a total loss

theyre both very into movies. red is deep into horror and milo likes indie/art movies and just Cannot handle horror at all, but they both agree on old movies, from the 80s and 90s to like the 30s.

red has shown milo some of the classic horror movies and the niche old ones (from like the 40s) since theyre not difficult to stomach

every so often when red brings up wanting to see a horror movie milo is like "aw babe we can watch that tonight i promise it wont be bad" and he genuinely thinks he can handle it this time

he cant

he never can

it is always a lie

red ends up holding him every time and talking him to sleep, but it thankfully never causes like a major panic attack or anything like that

they love going to museums together, of all kinds. they love art museums. they also go to aquariums and aviaries

sometimes they like to go to other history museums and criticise the veracity or accuracy of exhibits/translations, all in good fun of course. theyre never actually being mean about it

SIDENOTES/UNCATEGORIZED

they both used to work at starbucks, when they were younger and before they worked at the smithsonian. they worked at separate stores 2 blocks from each other.

milo cant stand soda or carbonated drinks, red can and will chug a java monster in order to survive a long workday if they must. milo is constantly concerned for their health and wellbeing

they r both lightweights when it comes to drinking. they can split a six pack and both be falling-over drunk by the end of the night.

given the changes in beauty standards people DEFINITELY think milo is more attractive than they would in 1914. cmon. hes a lil twinky nerd. you think people wont eat that up?

he never really catches onto the flirting much though

did u think i would forget ki/da and the others? youd be wrong.

i simultaneously like the idea of something similar to the movie happening, but also just like... ki/da just being a regular person living on the surface. in either case they r all friends still

in the case of ki/da just being a regular person on the surface- i like the idea of atl/antis just being A Place in this au, maybe its a bit of a closed off country though? like, not many foreigners live there and to get there you basically need to be there as a diplomat or a scholar

maybe ki/da visits DC as a diplomat? she is a princess, after all

red meets audrey online cause they both yell at the same misogynistic asshole on twitter

they exchange discord names in the replies of the tweet and tell the guy not to interrupt them while theyre talking in his replies

i like to think red and milo are selected to go on an academic visit to atl/antis (to learn about the culture, with permission of the king), and audrey ends up as the mechanic on the ship during the visit and theyre like (spiderman pointing meme) at each other

red and audrey have so many inside jokes that they basically speak a different language. milo gets some of the terms from context and pop culture (they use "so very" in real life- as in "wow, that shirt is so very.") but he is hopeless to learn all of it

one of their inside jokes is any variation of "milo hot girl summer" and they REFUSE to explain it to him no matter how much he begs

milo wears that iconique tank top on the ship and they say it literally any time he bends over, picks anything up, reaches for anything, moves, BREATHES. he is bewildered and at this point concerned

(in truth, the joke came from red taking a really blurry picture of him in a short sleeve shirt where he looked pretty cute and captioned it "milo's having a hot girl summer rn" and they just could not stop repeating it once audrey met him IRL)

they have a minecraft world. i do like to believe that every so often vinny finds a way in- theyre never sure how- and griefs the shit out of them by blowing up EVERY. monument.

this post is getting long bc im enraptured by the idea of an atl/antis modern au so im cutting it off here but expect WAY MORE later

#paper_heart.txt #s: i didn't say it's the smart thing. but it is the right thing #alcohol ment tw

[butterflyinthewell]

I’m going to tell you the story of why I love Godzilla.

When I say not to make fun of an autistic person’s special interests, I say it from a place of deep understanding and pain. For me, an autistic SpIn is like being in love, or (for the aro folks out there), it’s like being with your best friend ever and it just feels so comfortable and good.

Sooooo in January my dad mentions wanting to watch KOTM with me. Any excuse to watch KOTM is good, so of course I jumped on it. We watched Godzilla KOTM. It’s the movie I spent all of 2019 talking about from January to May. I got it for Christmas 2019 because mom knew I was going to want it as soon as the first roar hit the screen in the theater. (I took her to see it as a Mother’s Day gift, she liked it too.)

Lemme tell y’all something: when I was a young kid, my dad got me into Godzilla. Starting when I was around 5, he told me the stories of the movies he’d seen (the whole Showa era and Godzilla 1985). So I knew about Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra, King Ghidorah, Minya, MechaGodzilla, Gigan, Hedorah, Megalon, etc long before I ever saw them.

My dad said “these are important characters.”

Then he started renting the movies when he felt I was old enough to not be scared by them (age 7 in 1987) and pointed out who was who.

And my first ‘real meeting’ with Godzilla was the same as the people in 1954, when he popped his head over that hill and roared that haunting sound I never forgot, and I was hooked forever.

I loved it. I loved all of it. Dad warned me about the ending of the ‘54 movie, so I wasn’t surprised by it, but I still cried! He got me over it by showing the the rest of them, as if to go “see, he’s okay!” Then dad warned me that Godzilla was ‘the bad guy’ again in Godzilla 1985, but didn’t tell me how it ended. I was reaaaaally upset when he fell into that volcano. I probably cried about it for three days. That scream still hits something in my soul.

My favorite childhood Godzilla movie is Godzilla’s Revenge. It’s the first Godzilla movie I ever owned. I loved Ichiro’s dreams of making friends with Minya, outsmarting his kidnappers and standing up to his bullies. I even tried to pick up Monster Island using a little portable am/fm radio I had as a kid. It didn’t work, all I got was static, but I sure tried! 😋

I wanted to be an island lady like Saeko from Son of Godzilla who could call monsters for help. I wanted to be a cyborg like Katsura, except I would use MechaGodzilla to make friends with Godzilla instead of trying to hurt him.

Anyway...

Dad’s interest in Godzilla stuff kinda dropped away as the 90s hit and my autistic traits began to make me deviate more and more noticeably from my peers. I had seen all the Showa era movies, so he stopped telling stories because there weren’t any more to tell.

My love for Godzilla carried on into the Heisei era and beyond. Dad acted like I should “leave that crap behind” when I kept buying movies and talking about them to him. He didn’t want to watch them with me or look at pictures in the Godzilla Compendium I picked up.

I didn’t stop my enthusiasm for Godzilla, I just stopped sharing it with dad. I kept at it through high school. I sobbed over Godzilla vs Destroyah because I thought that was the end of the franchise, and I can’t even mention what happened to Godzilla in that movie. If you’ve seen it, you know.

In the year 1998 the rumblings for the ‘98 movie started around New Years, so of course I made noise about going to see it. Because GODZILLA, y’all!

Well, dad surprised me and took me to see Godzilla ‘98 when it came out. I had been bugging about going to see it and he kept giving me a hard no, then had me convinced we were going to a baseball game that night instead. I did nothing to disguise my boredom or hurt in the car, and it broke when we pulled up to the theater. Okay, he pulled a fast one on me and he said I did an emotional 180 spin, but it was worth it. (I still like that movie, but I don’t call that creature Godzilla. I call him Zilla or GINO instead.)

Literally right after that my dad would get mad if I talked about Godzilla. He griped that I was “so obsessed with that stupid monster” and that I needed to grow up. I was almost 18, and I had, just not the way HE wanted, I guess...

Godzilla 2000 came out. Dad grudgingly took mom and me to see it, and I finally got to live my dream of seeing a legit Toho Godzilla movie in theaters. I was yelling and clapping (as were other people) and just had a huge blast. In the car, he told me to knock it off when I talked excitedly about what I liked in the movie. He slapped down all talk of Godzilla.

I still continued to be a fan. When more Millennium era movies came out, I grabbed them when I saw them on the shelves. I got everything from Godzilla vs Megaguirus to Godzilla: Final Wars in a little Japanese shop my dad found near where he worked at the time. I was in my early 20s then. I also got some figurines from that store: a Heisei era Mothra, a Heisei era King Ghidorah and a Millenium era (Final Wars) Godzilla. Dad rolled his eyes when I walked out with them in my arms.

And so began his weird pattern of indulging my interest, but getting upset at me if I talked about it. I was discovering the online fandom at this point, so I had another outlet, but still, it used to be our thing, and his behavior really stung.

I only discovered there were more movies in the Millenium era becuse I happened across GMK on HBO and realized I didn’t recognize that Godzilla suit or the setting.

Then I missed the ending because of a very badly timed phone call. But I was like “omg more Godzilla movies...hey dad, can we go to that shop?” (And then I was like a dragon with treasure when I came home....)

I grabbed the two Kiryu movies first because a certain fanfic author in the fandom had written some Mechagodzilla fanfics where Kiryu (Kiryuu in her stories) was sentient and sexy af. The idea of the original Godzilla being brought back as a robot was amazing and that author basically took the idea and ran it to another level. She’s the reason I headcanon the 54 Gojira as Heisei Godzilla’s dad.

ANYWAY, I got all caught up on the Godzilla movies and blew up to a boiling fan girl froth when the 2014 movie got advertised.

I took mom to see that becuse dad’s Parkinson’s had advanced so far that he couldn’t go out much anymore. Mom likes Godzilla movies and sci-fi in general. While she’s not as into it as me, she enjoys them for the entertainment. We both liked G2014, so I got it for Christmas.

We watched it with dad as a family, he said it was okay.

Through 2016 and 2017 I was rattling on about Shin Godzilla. Got that as a late 37th birthday gift because it came out on dvd a few days after my actual birthday. I watched it for the first time with dad, and he complained the whole time and kind of ruined the experience for me, which pissed me off. HE was the one who wanted to watch it with me, now I wish I watched it alone instead.

2019 came, KOTM happened. So that brings me to sitting down to watch it with dad. I was excited see his reaction to the monsters he introduced me to in childhood realized with modern cgi effects and all. I love seeing things that remind me of happy times in my childhood, and I thought those memories were fond for him, too. So I watched, waiting for him to recognize Mothra, Rodan and King Ghidorah.

He said nothing when they came onscreen. I got engrossed in the movie and sort of forgot about it, but when it was over I bounced up and asked, “Wasn’t it cool to see the guys you told me stories about when I was 5?”

I thought back while I waited for him to answer. I thought back on the stories, the fun and the movies.

I thought back on how my love for this character has grown, and how in KOTM it was physically realized in that painful moment when Ishiro Serizawa looks up at Godzilla with such reverence and lays his hand on his snout. I feel like that was Dougherty telling all the fans he sees their love for Godzilla and gives them that one singular, intimate audience with the big guy through Serizawa. Because who wouldn’t want to give him a pat on the nose and thank him?

The director of KOTM understands what Godzilla means to the fans. He understands how they feel and what they want. In my mind he gave it in spades.

But my dad...

My dad, the man who taught me enough to get me into Godzilla forever, looked at me in the eyes and said, “I don’t remember any of it. They’re not that important anyway.”

“These are important characters.” Much younger dad said to much younger me.

“They’re not that important anyway.” Older modern day dad said to older modern day me.

I thought my heart had stopped and my soul fled through the floor. This franchise, these characters he brought to me with such enthusiasm, something that grew into a lifelong love, meant nothing to him. It was as if he gave me a diamond and later told me it was worthless glass to him. Godzilla was and still is a huge part of my life and who I am, and dad acted like this “us” thing I thought we bonded over during my childhood didn’t matter to him.

It’s almost like he expected me to take passing interest and then move on, but because I’m autistic and because I relate to Godzilla so much, my interest turned into love and respect for the character, what he represents and the messages he has sent throughout the years.

Part of who I am is shaped, literally, by Godzilla, something that started because my dad told me he existed. And in a sentence my dad took that root from my childhood and ripped it out because he decided it was a worthless weed.

It’s not my love for Godzilla that was ripped out. It’s the love I thought my dad felt for me when he was telling me all those stories and showing me the movies. I’m sharing this because I love Godzilla, because I love what he represents and means to me, and I thought my dad shared it with me for the same reason. This is a very autistic thing...I’m sure autistic readers can feel my love for Godzilla just by reading this.

I thought my dad did, too, once.

But no. There was no love at all like I thought there was, so I was not pouring my love into an ocean that still existed, I was throwing it into a black hole.

Dad didn’t care to remember Rodan, or Mothra, or King Ghidorah. He didn’t care to remember what all that meant to me during my childhood because he doesn’t and never has cared about my feelings.

He doesn’t care about my feelings.

He wants me to shut up about Godzilla.

I will not.

I love Godzilla. I don’t need dad’s approval anymore. I will turn 40 this year (2020) and there is no stopping what began 35 years ago. The plant that grew around the root dad planted is shaped like me now, and like Biollante I will keep blooming because Godzilla was my first love fandom-wise and that admiration and love for him stands on its own.

Dad no longer has a say.

But, my God, my dad has this remarkable ability to tell me something is important when I’m young and then claim it isn’t so many years later. He’s done it for a lot of things, but hearing him say Godzilla isn’t important after instilling his importance into me at a young age just...gutted me...and it gutted me as much as the time he asked me what I did to make kids bully me when I was being bullied as a teen.

I got bullied because I’m autistic. I existed. He said it was my fault for being that way. I was a newly diagnosed teenager when he said that. It was 1995, ironically, the same year Godzilla vs Destroyah came out.

And I was an adult when he ripped at that root of Godzilla he planted in me.

Godzilla was the last part of my childhood that he hadn’t sunk his abuse into, but he finally did in January of 2020. Now there is no part of my life untouched by his emotionally abusive crap.

It shouldn’t hurt like this. I feel ridiculous to be hurt so deeply, but I can’t keep pretending that I’m not hurt by it anymore.

I will get over it. My absolute love and respect for Godzilla is something my dad can never destroy no matter how much he tries to shit talk about it. I’ve let him ruin so many things, but not Godzilla.

Godzilla will never be a trigger for me. He is an anti trigger. On this day of April 19, 2020, I’m realizing he is the protector my dad failed to be.

To all parents of autistic kids, be careful that you don’t belittle the things you said were important when they were young. Don’t introduce something that becomes a special interest, say it’s important and then belittle it when they grow up.

Even if you don’t think it’s important anymore now, even if you think it’s silly now, even if you didn’t know they were autistic at the time and would dive in like that, it may still be important to them.

It may become their safe place. It may become treasure.

Don’t try to destroy that safety. Don’t treat it like trash.

#actuallyautistic #special interest #godzilla #emotional abuse #gaslighting #dad issues #swearing #ableism #gifs #long post #tw emotional abuse #tw gaslighting

[laylainalaska]

Torchwood 1x01-1x08

Since I’ve been posting Torchwood rewatch episode reactions over on DW, I may as well post them here too!

Cut with a readmore because long and also spoilery. No specific S2 spoilers except set off in its own section.

----

1x01: Everything Changes, aka Torchwood is the worst-kept secret in the greater Cardiff metropolitan area. The episode with the infamous date rape via alien aphrodisiac. I have made the deliberate choice to compartmentalize this/pretend it never happened due to TV writers being notoriously terrible with recognizing the real-world implications of fantasy aphrodisiacs and sex magic (there was just a scene like this in The Witcher in 20-fucking-20), and treat it as what it is clearly supposed to be in context -- unethical but basically harmless misuse of an alien artifact -- instead of what it really is. But I recognize that this is a personal choice and I also hate this writing decision and wish they'd picked literally any other way of making this particular point, for the record. Anyway ... the rest of this episode other than the fucking date rape was a lot of fun, though. Torchwood is the worst secret quasi-governmental agency at being secret. THE ACTUAL WORST. I love the team trying to keep straight faces and then giggling when Gwen enters their secret base, and the entire base set is just so fantastically bonkers; I really really love it a lot. There's literally a fountain in the middle of it and, like, random water everywhere?! And a pterodactyl. And the invisible lift, with Gwen's wry comment about how there's nothing to stop random pedestrians from falling down it. It's possibly the most utterly bonkers secret spy base outside of kids' cartoons and I love it. 1x02: Day One, aka Murder By Orgasm. In which the show classes things up with an alien who kills people (men only!) via orgasm. Choices were definitely made in this episode. Many choices. For sure. Owen continues to be a total sleaze because the writers think it's funny. Also, his survival when the sex alien targets him makes absolutely no sense at all. He's literally the only person she left alive, and she's in the throes of sex-energy withdrawal at the time. In short, this was an episode that happened. There were a few cute team bits but really not enough to redeem it. 1x03: Ghost Machine, aka Burn Gorman Is Very Pretty. Not that I am biased. He is so pretty in this episode. SO PRETTY. Also, for a refreshing change, Owen manages not to be creepy and sexist at all in this episode. He's just prickly and kind of sweet. I like this Owen. I want to keep him. This episode overall was really a lot of fun, aside from (or perhaps also including) the most unintentionally hilarious death of a redshirt ever, in which he goes to hug Gwen and she accidentally stabs him with the knife she's holding. But overall it's so great! The Owen arc was my favorite - I love how affected he is by the memory device (the scene where he's clearly having a panic attack and trying to keep control!) and how determined he is to get justice for the murdered girl, only to be essentially brought down by his basic decent nature and inability to kill an old man in cold blood. Owen trying to save the guy's life when he was holding a knife on him thirty seconds earlier breaks me a little bit. Lots of fun team scenes in this one, too. The Splott conversation! ("Estate agents call it Sploe.") 1x04: Cyberwoman, aka CYBERBIKINI! Here again, Choices Were Made, most of them by the costuming department with a side of deeply uncomfortable racial implications on the part of whoever cast the episode. To be fair, maybe they just couldn't afford enough tinfoil to cover CyberLisa entirely, since the budget for this episode was clearly three shoestrings and a potato. I don't know if my favorite part of the low-budget f/x is the way they're clearly splicing in Doctor Who clips for the cyberization process, or the fall of Torchwood One, a giant battle involving hundreds of participants that is represented by Ianto screaming while surrounded by plastic sheeting. Honestly, I really love this episode. It is not good by any stretch of the imagination, but there is something incredibly charming about its sheer commitment to utter batshittery and OTT sobbing over emotional team betrayals, and parts of it were incredibly tense. It has the general feel of a horror film shot by college theater majors. Also someone getting doused in barbecue sauce and fed to a pterodactyl is literally a plot point, and the team basketball game at the beginning is one of my favorite little team moments; it's so cute. Cyberbikini aside and with expectations properly lowered, this was terrific fun. 1x05: Small Worlds, aka Death By Hanahaki Disease. On the whole this episode was not terrible nor was it memorably unpleasant; it was just kind of there. In going back to write about the episodes, I really had trouble remembering what even happened in this one. The concept is really interesting, but the fairies stopped being nearly so creepy once you actually see them in all their low-budget-CGI glory; I think the episode would actually have been better if they'd stayed invisible. The flower petal deaths were really gross. I hadn't realized that, while Gwen (unlike the rest of his team) knows that Jack can die and come back, she didn't actually know before this episode that he's much older than he looks. 1x06: Countrycide, aka Don't Split The Party. WELSH MURDER VILLAGE. I loved this episode. This is the ridonkulous teamy sci-fi horror shenanigans that I'm here for. I mean, I was there with bells on for TEAM CAMPING TRIP and then it just got better and better. Ianto gets to go out in the field for the first time and nearly gets eaten by cannibals! Poor Ianto. His life is the worst. I sort of vaguely knew because of season two that there was Owen/Gwen in the first season, but what really caught me off guard is how much I enjoyed it. I was expecting meaningless sex with a side of skeeve, and I do really hate that she's cheating on her boyfriend and how pushy about it Owen is at first, not to mention outing their kiss to the whole team. But the crazy thing about it is, by the midpoint of the episode they're actually, genuinely very sweet, and by the end of the episode you can see what they're both getting out of the relationship and get the feeling that it's a positive human connection for both of them. Also, the near-kiss and teamwork in the woods was incredibly hot. I really loved (and was also surprised by) how loyal and protective Owen is toward his teammates. We saw it a little bit in the previous episode with his "Don't you touch her!" re: Gwen, but it's abundantly on display here, from Owen repeatedly insisting that they need to go after Tosh and Ianto, to his fury at the guy threatening Tosh, to his captor having to restrain him when they pull the hood off Ianto's head near the end. Love Jack's big-damn-hero entrance to the Murder House, and everyone running around screaming and getting separated and hurt, which is always a good time. Basically I just loved this episode. It needed more hurt/comforty aftermath, though. I might have to write some. 1x07: Greeks Bearing Gifts, aka Tosh Has An Alien Girlfriend. I really loved this episode, on the whole, but it is Made Of Ouch. As well as Tosh's isolation and hurt, there's also that bit where she hears Ianto's thoughts and it's just endless painpainpainpain. I like to think that after this episode, she started getting together with him for drinks occasionally and talking about things. They both need friends so badly. (I do not love Jack's random transphobic comment near the end. From JACK of all people. WHY.) And seeing Tosh's delight and squee when she gets to just geek out about things is so lovely. Tosh is absolutely a person who leaves her teammates notes with little hearts on them. I love her. ♥ (Also, as much as I love Owen personally, I really wish that so much of Tosh's storyline didn't revolve around her hopeless crush on Owen. Toshiko deserved better, in all ways, than what this show gave her.) It's too bad that Gwen and Owen's affair is, on the whole, a rather destructive thing, because they're really happy! They're like the only happy people in Torchwood at this point. It's not a grand love story or anything, but I felt like the sheer joy of that initial rush of infatuation was well conveyed and sweet. Owen's relationship with Tosh in season one is completely baffling to me. He's not only staggeringly oblivious to Tosh being into him, but she's literally the only woman at Torchwood that he doesn't hit on. And yet, it's not that he doesn't like her! He clearly does like her in a friend kind of way and enjoys hanging out with her. The card that Mary was looking at in Tosh's apartment looked handmade to me, so he literally made her a handmade birthday card! And yet, he is blindingly oblivious to her interest and rejects her every time she makes overtures. ... I mean, the meta-reason is probably just that the writers thought it would be funny if the character who always sleeps around doesn't notice the one person who really wants him. But I can't help wondering if the basic issue is that Owen has somehow, without really intending to, classified his relationship with her as basically a sibling-type one. We know from the flashbacks in season two that they both joined Torchwood at about the same time and were both in a very emotionally fragile place when they did, and Jack also has a very quasi-parental sort of vibe with both of them. It makes me wonder if Owen either tried to initiate something early on and was rebuffed because Tosh wasn't really coping well either, or if he met her at a point in his life when he was really not interested in having relationships with anyone and simply classified her mentally in a sort of little-sister category. This actually does fit very well with the sometimes bullying, sometimes playful and sweet, generally sexless way that he relates to her this season, and the way that he clearly does care about her and in fact is very protective at times; he just doesn't view her as a target of romantic interest. Anyway, Tosh was very beautiful this episode, and her alien girlfriend was also quite hot, and I really enjoyed it. 1x08: They Keep Killing Suzie, aka I don't think anything I could come up with is better than the actual title. The scene in which they've accidentally locked themselves in their secret underground base and have to call the cops to let them out is possibly my favorite scene in this entire show. That was GOLD. I also wish the cop lady from this episode had come back. She was great, and her rapport with Jack was really neat. Part of what I want to say about this episode contains massive season two spoilers, so that's set off in a spoiler section at the end. This was a highly entertaining episode with a plot that was total nonsense that falls apart within 0.2 seconds of actually thinking about it. Good emotional stuff, yes! Plot? BONKERS. I mean, Suzie's plan was something like this: 1. Drive someone insane by feeding them Retcon for two years. 2. Kill yourself. 3. ???? 4. Profit! I am just going to headcanon that the team are actually wrong about Suzie planning all of this, and it's mostly an accidental set of circumstances that she took advantage of. I did love the twist of Suzie wanting a deathbed reunion with her dad not because of love, but because she wanted to watch him die because he's terrible. (However, this does completely undermine what was previously given as part of her motivation for getting addicted to the glove, which was trying to save her dad. See above re: plot nonsense.) But the team stuff was fun! Love everyone scrambling to save Gwen, and Owen holding her at the end -- I'm still seeing them through a lens of mostly-platonic more than romantic. The general vibe with the team pulling together vs. Suzie having basically no one in Torchwood to talk to is really interesting; it's hard to say how much of that is the team having gotten closer over the course of the season, and how much of it is just Suzie not really ever bonding with her co-workers the way they bonded with each other. I mean, I do get more of a co-workery vibe off them early on, as opposed to the chosen-family feeling later on, but the closeness is there under the surface; I'm just not really sure if they've realized it yet. But with Suzie, it's hard to say if the closeness ever really was there. They're all damaged in their various ways, but I feel like Suzie might be damaged in a way that simply precluded her ever really being able to let people in, as the others are learning to. Ianto's visible depression at this point in the show is mostly down to Gareth David-Lloyd's acting, but it's so well done -- his flat affect and thousand-yard stare, especially contrasted against his dry, sarcastic humor when he's not miserable (mostly in season two). The other Ianto-related thing I noticed is that the warmer, more bantery rapport between Ianto and Owen in season two is actually present in this episode to some extent, for perhaps the first time ever. In particular, Owen makes him smile at one point by teasing him (the only time Ianto smiles in the last few episodes, I think, up until he's with Jack at the very end), and offers him the first shot at naming the knife in spite of Ianto's artifact names being genuinely terrible - like, trying to include him a little bit, in a way I haven't seen Owen doing with him before. There's a general feeling throughout this episode that Owen has warmed up to him a bit and is actually reaching out a little. And Ianto and Jack are sleeping together now! I don't know when that happened and I wish we'd seen more of the beginnings of it. It's nice to see Ianto smile, though. Season two 1x08-related spoilers: 

Watching this episode after having seen Owen's resurrection glove arc in season two was FASCINATING, especially for the compare/contrast of the way the team reacted to resurrected!Suzie vs. resurrected!Owen; I mean, the fact that she died in the process of betraying them after becoming a serial killer is obviously a large factor here, and they were somewhat wary of Owen too, but there's just so much more ambivalence in how they deal with Suzie, vs. the way that Owen's death and resurrection actually brought the team closer together, and brought Owen closer to all of them.

But the most interesting contrast to me is how Owen and Suzie, as characters, both reacted to the whole idea of having to survive by killing people, with Jack trying (unsuccessfully) to argue Suzie out of allowing Gwen to die, whereas Owen's immediate reaction to finding out that his survival might be killing people (just random people too, not teammates) was to try to sacrifice himself, not just once but multiple times, starting with a fundamentally horrible euthanasia-type death and continuing on to destroy the resurrection glove himself even though it was likely to re-kill him. Why yes, I can turn any episode discussion into an Owen discussion, even an episode he wasn't especially prominent in.

#torchwood #owen harper #ianto jones #toshiko sato #jack harkness #gwen cooper #torchwood episode reactions

[visionssofgideon]

Thoughts on Stranger Things 3/Hopes for ST4

I MEAN WOW, I feel like this season was the best yet and my favorite for sure! It honestly felt like it happened so fast- probably because it did in the day and half I bingewatched it. It was a perfect mix of humor, suspense, sci-fi/horror, character development, emotions, EMOTIONS, AND EMOTIONS. SO 

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE HOPPER IS DEAD. If El had her powers, she would be able to find out where he is, but they believe he is dead and she does not have them FOR A REASON. Also, his body was not found next to the key, but earlier they showed the burnt bodies for a reason. I BELIEVE he either went into the upside down as a portal and the Russians found him. I MEAN, the post-credits scene in the Russian prison where they say “Not the American”?!!? THAT’S HIM. They hinted at an opening to the upside down in Russia in the FIRST EPISODE of the season, when they showed the snow and ice outside. This is just a continuation of that and s4 will definitely delve into that. I have a theory that they will use Hop for their own use and maybe mind control/brainwash him. OR it is Dr. Brenner in the prison, and Hopper is in the upside down but the Russians find him.

Hopper “dying” was expected, but surprising to say the least. All along this season, with so much intense scenes and plotlines, I felt like Hopper would be the one to die. Turning him from a chaotic police chief/dad to a sacrificial hero was drastic, but I’m glad they made his role big this season.

EVERYBODY BEEN KNOWN that hopper and joyce like each other since s1, we just needed Murray to make them face each other like he did with Jonathan and Nancy in S2. TRULY an iconic and power couple (of  badasses!) So the fact that they didn’t go on their DATE to Enzo’s makes me feel all sorts of emotions. I mean, they were bickering like a couple the whole time they might as well have wed each other.

AND WHEN I WANTED EL AND WILL TO BE SIBLINGS HOPPER DYING AND JOYCE TAKING HER IN WAS NOT THE WAY I IMAGINED IT.

So let’s talk about Will FREAKING Byers. I believe he is gay, and many fans speculated it starting from mentions in S1. But the fact that Mike specifically said “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls!”, I mean “girls” not “you don’t have a girlfriend” or anything, with Will looking DEVASTATED after, not to mention him WRECKING castle byers (NOAH SCHNAPP IS AMAZING) shows it affected him deeply. BUT Will’s story is FAR from over- just because they’re moving away does not mean they can’t talk about him more. I mean, they ROBBED Noah Schnapp of acting besides touching his neck and saying “He’s here” 5 times this season. Will has been through SO MUCH in S1 and S2, and the fact that giving him this much of a “break” is tragic, considering how in S4e3, these two scenes resonated with me and so many other fans so much!

 While we have one unrecognized gay, we have another celebrated gay- ROBIN. Wow, as a new character, she was introduced perfectly, and the friendship she formed with Steve was so amazing. And the fact that her coming out in the 80s was subtle but STEVE WAS LIKE “OH. YOU LIKE THE WRONG GIRL” WAS GREAT, I really like how they progressed that. But if there is no Robin talking to Will as an older gay in s4, I will RIOT.

Steve “Hair”ington was amazing, as usual. His character development was one of the highlights of S2, and continued this season. His friendship with Dustin and growing friendship with Robin and acceptance of her shows that he truly is a deserving character, even though his stupidity was obvious many times this season. SCOOPS AHOY!

Scoops Troop was DELIGHTFUL with little Erica Sinclair and her sassy self. Her attaching Murray from “team Bald Eagle” made me CHOKE and I love that she will be able to embrace her inner nerd. 

Here’s the thing about Mike and El- Mike’s character seemed, ~off~ this season. I truly think her obsessing over El and ignoring his friends was a little selfish, but I’m SO glad they admitted that they love each other. Mileven fans SCREAMED worldwide. 

But the fact that El uttered the words “I dump your ass” showed HOW ICONIC of a duo Max and Eleven are. El was able to go out and have fun for once, and figure herself out. And Max was so open to teaching El, because she is afterall like a toddler with primitive knowledge of the world. THAT WONDER WOMAN COMIC SCENE shows how important having a girl inspiration is!

Oh and Hopper’s letter? FUCK THAT I SOBBED. That is NOT okay. Hopper basically called El his daughter. Also side note she’s wearing his first daughter’s bracelet. That’s NOT okay. That is all I have on that.

El REALLY used her powers this season, so I don’t believe they’re gone. I thought the bite from the flayer would be a bigger deal since the 2nd to last ep was literally called “The Bite”, but I guess her powers was the main point. But her really going into Billy’s past which she had only done once before with her birth mother and allowing him to see the error of his ways from his memories was a mind trip. Honestly the scenes at the beach were STUNNING and it was really interesting. Billy went from being one of the most hated characters in s2 to being a martyr and saving El from the flayer in s3, and that’s crazy.

But I’m v conflicted about this Zac Efron lookalike- he was racist and abusive after all, and it is devastating to see that he ended up saving El’s life. I’m glad they showed Max’s fight against the flayer in him, because it shows that she really loved him.

Speaking of changed characters, I’m SO glad that they didn’t trash Karen Wheeler’s character, because instead of making her a cheating wife, they showed her caring for her family and having an inspirational talk w Nancy. Her character for once was proven to have a point.

Nancy’s struggles in the workplace were minimal, but I’m glad they brought them up. Although she is privileged like Jonathan said, it’s good to highlight her ambition against the odds, especially after her talk w her mother. 

ANYWAYS FUCK THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER LOOKALIKE AND RIP MY BUDDY ALEXEI SMIRNOFF. All my buddy wanted was a cherry slurpee and EVEN THEN accepted a strawberry and helped team bald eagle. He just wanted to be a true American and did so by winnin a carnival game. So sweet and kind :(((

So um, DUSTIN SINGING. Been waiting for Gaten to sing since he does irl, and it was a delightful little bit in a episode of chaos. ALTHOUGH if dusty buns hadn’t sang and got planck’s constant that i’ve ripped my hairs out of my head for in college chemistry for suzie poo, Hop and Billy might’ve still be alive. Just sayin...

LASTLY. Joyce needs to go into the police force. For the fact that Detective Byers sounds badass and would do Hop good.

Stranger Things 3 fucked me up emotionally, and I know that the wait for ST4 and the emo fuck up that follows that season will be worth it. 

#stranger things #stranger things 3 #st3 #st #stranger things spoilers #eleven #el #mike wheeler #mike #mileven #dustin henderson #dustin #steve harrington #steve #robin #will #will byers #castle byers #jonathan byers #joyce byers #joyce #jonathan #hop #hopper #jim hopper #murray #alexei smirnoff #alexei #lucas sinclair #lucas

[our-jensen-ackles-love]

Flashes; Twenty-Five

Summary: Playboy Jensen Ackles is hurting his television show’s image. Every time he promised to get his act together, it’d last for about a week before pictures emerge of him half-drunk with some broad on his arm. Fed up and desperate, his agent decides their only hope to save some face is to write up a contract with a nobody girl who could use the money while getting to play the role of Jensen’s girlfriend.

It was only for a year and it was only for the photos.  But feelings don’t always follow the rules, do they?

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Word Count: 1810

Warnings: mentions of miscarriage. 

Author’s Note: The results of the DNA test will be revealed in the next chapter. 

CATCH UP KEEP ME UP WITH KO-FI DO YOU LOVE ME?

Chapter Twenty-Five

It had been about two weeks since your world had been turned upside down.

Danneel had followed through on her word to take JJ to the doctors the following morning and since then it had been a not so fun game of waiting around. As much as you were hoping and praying to whomever would listen that this little girl wasn’t his, you couldn’t help that feeling of dread that came along with the possibility she was his.

You had just finished making yourself a cup of coffee when there was a knock at the door. Thinking that it was probably the delivery man with your Chinese food for dinner since you’d be spending another night alone while Jensen was filming, you swung it open.

The woman standing across from you with a sorrowful glance had you in the midst of slamming it shut when her hand made contact with the wood. “Y/N, please, let me explain.”

Moving to shut the door once more, you made sure you words were pointed and blunt. “There’s nothing to explain, Gen.”

“Y/N.”

“I mean it, Gen,” you spat in her general direction, no longer trying to hid your feelings towards her. “You have nothing to explain to me.”

You heard her sigh like she was annoyed which almost made you chuckle at the irony of it all. “Seriously, Y/N, I swear – I, I just need you to hear me out.”

“Tell me one good reason why I should.”

The slight attitude you sensed from her only moments ago was gone in a blink. Her eyes shifted just as her weight did on her feet and briefly you felt bad for how you were feeling; it was almost like a parent scolding their child for the first time.

From the corner of your eye, you saw her take a slow breath – it was almost like it was nerve wracking for her to even be standing in front of you. “I didn’t know that JJ was Jensen’s.”

Your mug in your hand was suddenly scalding hot against your skin causing you to turn your back against someone you once considered a friend and place it down on the closest counter. Without warning you heard Gen take a quiet step inside behind you, followed by the faucet running water and a cool cloth being placed on your hot hand.

Taking the small peace offering from her, you took a step back, giving the two of you some breathing room. “How did you not know that she was his?”

“Well,” she paused, shifting once more while looking you over like you were going to rip her head off. It would be a lie to not admit that it hadn’t crossed your mind. “When she came to me and told me she was pregnant.. she admitted that she didn’t know who the baby’s father was.”

That new tidbit of information just made you hate that skank even more than you already did.

Gen continued to stare at you for a moment while you processed what she had said before speaking again, “It had maybe been a little over month after Jensen and her broke up. She called me crying saying that she had just gotten a positive pregnancy test and that she didn’t know what she should do.”

Your hand was starting to feel exceedingly better under the coolness of the cloth, so you removed it and even though it had just burned you, you went back for your comforting cup of joe. Avoiding eye contact now, you blew on your hot beverage thinking about what to ask, “Well, what did you tell her to do?”

She shrugged before leaning back into one of the kitchen counters, “I was honest. I told her that she needed to call Jensen and tell him – I, also, told her that she needed to call any other man she had been with and tell them.”

“And what did she do?”

Another annoyed sigh, but this time you could tell that it wasn’t directed at you. “She told me that she was going to do all that, but then a couple weeks later she texted me saying that she had lost the baby and she needed some space.”

You both were quiet for a couple minutes while you sorted through your thoughts, trying to wrap your mind around what she was informing you. Without realizing it, you were clutching your mug so hard it was making your knuckles turn white.

“Y/N?”

“You mean to tell me that selfish bitch faked a miscarriage.”

With a little bit of hesitation and a lot more of that motherly quickness, Gen moved in front of you, removing the mug once more from your hands. When it was a safe distance away from being crush in your grip, did she move back into your clouded line of sight.

“She seriously fucking faked losing a child to- to do what? Wait, until one of her possible baby daddies was moving on with their life to spring this on them?”

The look of utter fear at your words was more than evident in Gen’s eyes as she kept her distance from you while you began angry pacing the kitchen tiles. “It would appear that would be the case.”

“And then she was trying to find a way to pit you against me?” You ran your hands through your un-brushed hair, “I can’t believe I thought that was true.”

The faintest of smiles creased in the corner of her mouth, but the fear was still present. “I’m sorry, Y/N. Believe me, I wanted to say something as soon as she made that comment, but then you were out the door so fast…”

“I’m sorry.”

Now the smile was much more evident and she moved in to wrap you in her embrace. Just like most of Gen’s hugs it was all motherly and comforting, something you had probably needed more than ever these last couple of weeks, but your pride was getting in the way of that. “Please, don’t ever be sorry for what she has put you through.”

Your emotions were on a rollercoaster today, so your sniffles didn’t come as a surprise when Gen held you closer to her small frame. Tears were slowly making their way down your cheeks when the sobs started taking over your body and for the first time – you were grateful that you had listened to what your friend had to say.

A good five minutes passed as Gen held you, letting you literally cry into her shoulder. With a small huff, you spoke quietly, “I just don’t understand.”

Her hand patted your back as you took a shaky breath before she spoke again. “I don’t understand a lot of what has happened either.”

The two of you sat on the couch for what felt like hours, tracing and re-tracing what had happened in the span of a month, and why on earth this bitter woman would do what she was doing. The only reasonable explanation, between several more cups of coffee and the Chinese take-out from earlier, was that she was jealous.

“It sounds like such a cliché thing to say though,” you stated, reaching for some more of your shrimp lo-mein. “You know, the ex-girlfriend is jealous.”

Gen nodded her head, picking between the vegetables in the white cardboard box with her chopsticks. “But, is she jealous of you or that Jensen actually loves you despite the contract?”

“Oh, yeah, the contract.”

“Speaking of which,” your brunette friend sat forward, tucking her ankles under her knees as her eyes widen with curiosity towards you. “What the hell is that all about?”

You sighed, deciding that this would probably be the best time to just lay everything on the table.

“I swear, I’m not a hired hooker or anything,” you started, which only made the two of you giggle for a moment. “It honestly all started a couple months ago, it was my birthday and all of my so-called friend couldn’t make it for my night out, but Olivia thought pushing a blind date on me would be a good idea – and even he didn’t show.”

“Asshole,” Gen muttered, causing you to smirk since Jensen had something more or less along the same lines when you admitted that same thing to him.

“So, like most ‘healthy’ adults, I decide that drowning my sorrows in the bottle was the answer. Fast forward a couple of hours and I wake up in a strange man’s bed, naked before being told that I would have to go with him to see his agent.”

Shaking her head, Gen looked at you questionably. “Hold on, you didn’t know who Jensen was when you went home with him?”

You gave her a somewhat embarrassed nod. “I really only knew of Supernatural from one of my girlfriends. I barely had time to sit around and watch a commercial those days, let alone a long ass television series.”

That got another hearty chuckle from her, “I’m sure Jensen must have loved that.”

You paused, thinking about that morning all over again. “You know, thinking about it – I’ve never asked him what he thought of everything. I always just assumed he seemed so annoyed by the circumstances.”

“What do you mean?”

You leaned back into the couch, stretching out your legs between the back cushions and your friend. “I don’t know.. I just always felt like Jensen thought I was cramping his game.”

You had been so lost in conversation, you were completely unaware that there was another visitor standing in your apartment. A deep, exhausted sounding voice rumbled through the kitchen and into the living room. “Are you guys talking about me?”

“Oh,” Gen shyly waved at Jensen as he stepped into your space, crowding everything with his scent. Sweat and laundry detergent invaded your nostrils before you even turned to see him covered in what looked like fake blood splatter. “We were just talking about the morning after the two of you met.”

“The part where I was a giant ass?”

You lost focus for a minute as you took in how attractive Jensen looked in his Dean Winchester outfit. That jacket and those boots, you could see why so many girls loved his character. “No, honestly, I think I tuned that part out.”

He snorted, placing what looked like a six pack of beer on the counter. “Really?”

“Ackles, I was a one night stand. There’s no sugarcoating the part of the story; I’m sure you were treating me just like you would have any other girl in my shoes.”

“That’s the thing though,” he shook his head abandoning the bag on the counter and waltzing into the living room; dirty boots and all. “You aren’t just any other girl.”

The smirk on Gen’s face said it all.  

TAGS: {CLOSED}: @supernatural-bellawinchester, @luciathewinchestergirl, @supernatural-teamfreewillpage, @nanie5, @kbl1313, @wanderer-08, @squirrelnotsam, @allonsy-yesiwill, @mirandaaustin93, @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @docharleythegeekqueen @sandlee44 @chameleah86 @dean-is-my-superhero @hellolarry34 @internationalmusicteacher @maralisa124 @spn-ficfanatic @mannls @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @angelessquirrel @appleslicesandmustard @ilovesebastianstanmore @mlovesstories @aeonian-forever @faithfullpanicmoon @shawtygonemad @itssmallerontheoutside-13 @theplaidshirtmadness @laqueus-ludovicus @jhudawnareeves @applepielyf @gemini75eeyore @missbosstown @kristina818 @hayleighr4 @superwhomerlockinuum @ria132love @shutupiminlooove @imaginationisgrowth @thatbandchick39 @spnwoman @deangetsme @satanwithapencil @dramione-winchester-mccall @monkeymcpoopoo @in-tenebris-ad-astra @just-ladyme @juniorhuntersam @ineedhelpmovingtobostonmatoteach  @ravenangel33 @iamabeautifulperson18 @chocolateturtlepeanutopera @xalgaliareptx @snffbeebee @laurenw1025 @sweetlythoughtfulbird @winchesterjude @thebeautywithinme @anathewierdo @ilovedean-spn2 @perpetualabsurdity @biawol @spn-winchester-app

FOREVERS {OPEN}: @spnwoman @dramione-winchester-mccall @anotherwaywardsister @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @xalgaliareptx @shayrey @applepielyf @winchesterhound @yourvoiceislikearose @chocolateturtlepeanutopera @alexwinchester23 @emilyshurley @earthtokace @hobby27 @pisces-cutie @babykalika2001 @dean-winchesters-bacon @in-tenebris-ad-astra @latenightshenanigansxo @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @cheerxupxbuttercupx

#flashes; #Jensen Ackles #jensen x reader #jensen x #Jensen x You #dean winchester #spn #spn fanfic #fanfiction #fandom #fanfic #jensen ackles fanfiction

[kingofthewilderwest]

For all those people who might have seen (and are going to continue to see) me emotionally sobbing over Deponia for the last few months... the most timely thing just happened. Free copy of the entire series on Humble Bundle! (only available for about another day!) Check it out and join me in Deponia feels hell!

Heads up that, while this series has a lot of good things going for it and there’s a reason I’m working on both cosplay and fanfiction of this series, it will not be a game for everyone. I’ve written a review before on Steam discussing some of the pros and cons, and I’m happy to talk about them again. 

In short:

Pros:

Humor. Amazing humor style combining cheeky wit, adulthood cynicism (alcohol jokes, sexual innuendos, etc...), and ridiculous circumstances. These games are damn hysterical. The dialogue has clever moments, there’s always some off-hand hilarious thing being mentioned, the zany situations make you chuckle, and the ridiculously terrible solutions to progress the story can be memorable.

Artwork. You always play Daedalic Entertainment games for the art. They’re phenomenal. Deponia’s art style is charming, whimsical, and full of personality. Character design is diverse; backgrounds are to die for.

Characters. A very memorable, quirky set of characters, from the secondary NPCs to the protagonist. And as much as some people say the immature egoistic male lead is overdone and dull, I’d call Rufus an exception. He’s an extremely fun character to play, as his cocky, energetic, over-the-top, death-defying, sure-to-go-wrong life choices slingshot you from one ridiculous and horrible scenario to the next. It’s not in every game where your antihero gets to carelessly sabotage a post office with parrots, blow darts, caffeinated kittens, and bubble wrap.

Voice acting. Whether it’s the English dub or the original German or one of the other offered languages, the voice acting is all very well-done, entertaining, FULL of life and personality.

Catchy music! ♪ ♫ ♪ It’s kind of pathetic: you get all erratic about dirty dishes congesting the sink!  ♫ ♪ ♪ ♫ ♪ Beyond that, there's themes throughout the series that get developed with interesting variation... but the composer will try not to write an analysis on this. XD

World. A creative sci-fi setting set on a junk planet, which, despite its rough climate, manages to have its personable pockets of civilization. Complete with a utopian space station floating in the sky, robots, armies, clones, removable brain cartridges, underground resistance organizations, professional rock-paper-scissors tournaments, and vampire platypuses.

Storyline. Deponia starts slow (especially if you’re not playing with a walkthrough), but it builds into an interesting story uncovering a government conspiracy, starting a revolution, fumbling your way into solutions and serious shit... and more! There’s foreshadowing, themes, structure, and some moments of brilliance in how this story gets told. And despite the assholish egotism of the main character, there’s heart. Not going to lie... these games actually made me cry. Fucking. Made me cry.

Cons:

Point and click. I don’t think this is a con; I just know some people aren’t into point and clicks.

Difficult solutions. These aren’t straightforward. Minigames can be skipped, but general gameplay solutions you have to figure out for yourself to progress, and they take... creativity. If you don’t want to get stuck and are more interested in the storyline, walkthroughs do the trick.

Moments humor crosses the line. All media has imperfect elements to it, and we should be able to recognize - in anything we choose to consume - what parts are wholesome, what are okay, and what are not to be endorsed. We also should be able to choose at what point an imperfect element becomes morally problematic enough to not consume; there’s a difference between a piece of media being focused on bad content and being across the board bad, versus a piece of media having some bad content inside it. I do not endorse every second of Deponia’s humor, as there are occasional *BAD* instances of misogyny, transphobia, racism, or mental illness played for humor. I’m not going to defend those moments. I flat out don’t agree with them. Now, these aren’t prevalent enough across the series to ping my conscience for what I’m consuming; I find the games an overall good experience with funny humor, not a morally unacceptable blight to be avoided period (I’m a boobied non-cis depressed individual myself). But it’s only fair for me to give the heads up these instances exist, as these obviously deal with personal, sensitive, and morally important things that some may wish to avoid.

Women’s representation. As unfortunately with a fuckton of media out there, how women are written into the storyline could be given a long constructively critical essay. It’s definitely not ideal. But, at least there are lots of diverse women characters in the Deponia series.

So yeah! With all that said: I really do love these games. I didn’t expect I’d love them as much as I do, but here we are. Feel free to pester me with your experiences with the games if you get to them, as I’d love to talk more about Deponia and Rufus and Goal and Doc and Bozo and Bambina and Argus and Cletus and Toni and McChronicle and more!!!

#long post #Deponia #non-dragons #analysis #my analysis #Humble Bundle

[jafndaegur]

Witch!MC Headcanon - the RFA

I hope you like this Nonnie! I had a lot of fun with this since Halloween is coming up, i felt in the spoopy sort of spirit! Thanks for requesting it!

Yoosung

This cinnamon roll would never have expected anything if you hadn’t told him.

Like, you were so sweet, and pleasant, and pretty

Not to mention affectionate

There was no way you could be a witch!

But you sat him down, gave him a cup of warm cider, and explained to him that you were indeed a witch

Eh???

“My MC? A witch? Like with a cauldron and broom stick?”

He was honestly so cute about it

“Do you cast magic spells? Make potions? Do you cast magic spells and make potions?”

You giggled and explained briefly what you did.

You were born into a coven but left at a young age—so you didn’t really know much past herbalism.

You made a lot of restoration poultices and medicinals to alleviate pains and ailments

OMG YOU’RE LIKE A HEALER OR MAGE ON LOLOL

When you would work in the kitchen, Yoosung would always come in and watch you make potions

He would always pay as much attention as possible, even going so far as to bring a journal to take down notes for the recipes

“I want to know how to make these, so I can use the recipes in-game for my characters! I never have a healer in my group!”

Zen

He thought you were playing around at first—especially since the werewolf-themed play he was in was coming up

But you stared at him with a faint smile and a lifted brow

“Oh, jagi, you were serious.”

You told him about how you’d been a witch for centuries, having trained long ago on the western side of the continent

“looking good, you cougar”

In all fairness, he took the news in good stride, curious about what you did as a real-live witch.

You took your time explaining to him that you were extremely knowledgeable at casting spells.

“That explains why you’re so magical in bed, jagi” Zen winks.

You blushed and forced yourself to continue, noting how your specialty was undoing and re-doing hexes for clients

Often people would come visit you or you had to go visit them.

You’ve been all over the world

Sheepishly you acknowledge that you’re one of the best in your field—not many witches know how to undo hexes

You had a natural talent for it, however, and that made your field of expertise nearly monopolized

He smirked and kissed your hands, gushing about how he knew from the start you had a magic touch

Could you honestly love this man anymore? Your poor heart, ahhhh.

“Wait MC, when Echo Girl’s career tanked after the party fiasco…was that you?”

You pressed your finger to his lips, shoulders shaking as you laughed.

Jaehee

Jaehee looked at you incredulously when you stated that you were a witch.

She set the pumpkin muffins that you both had made for your fall-themed menu.

“MC, witches aren’t real. They’re just part of fairy tales.”

You’d expected this answer, so you pulled out the bar stool and sat down.

Tapping across from you, you began to talk about your profession as a witch.

You were relatively experienced

You loved working with potions the best, whispering gentle incantations into elixirs

All sorts of things graced your tinctures, anything from simple luck to overwhelming pleasure—you made enchantments of every kind.

She listened to everything with care, her face revealing no other emotion than hesitancy.

Seeing that she was still dubious, you brewed the maple walnut coffee for the day and poured out a small cup

You asked her to take a small drink

She did, telling you it was a good and normal batch

Nodding you took it back before grabbing proper ingredients:

A sprig of thyme, an orange peel, an edible flower, and a strand of your hair

“summer must end, but fall closely follows—still we all wish for the sun’s unending tryst in the sky.”

The objects glowed a faint warm yellow, to which you placed them in the drink—handing the beverage again to Jaehee

She took a suspicious sip before gasping in shock, a faint blush blooming over her cheeks

“It tastes like a summer picnic!”

Jumin

You’d been worried about telling him, so you finally confessed that you were a witch the day before your wedding.

The hem of your sleeve twisted in-between your hands, and you bit your lip nervously

You were so anxious that you missed the endearing smile that he sent you

“Well darling, that explains why you get along so well with Elizabeth the Third”

A gentle flush of red dusted your skin and you nodded eagerly, grateful he understood—telling him that he wasn’t so far off from the truth

You’d studied as a witch all your life to be a tamer:

Working with animals and their spirits was ally you’d ever wanted to use your magic for

“Did you and Elizabeth help me chase away the Choi sisters with magic, my dearest?”

There was a bit of disappointment in your voice when you told him that you’d been searching for a familiar when you’d bumped into the RFA

And thus you’d been unable to continue your search

Jumin insists that you immediately restart your quest to finding an animal familiar

You tell him that you’d have to travel

He grabs your hands gently within his, and kisses your lips lightly, telling you that he wants you to be able to do what you wish—as you have allowed him to do likewise…

It took you three months to return to his side

He had missed you so much and was so happy to see you…

A small smile graced his lips followed by an almost invisible panicked quirk of his eyebrow

A bear, a bird, a dog, several cats, and a wolf followed you—their bodies glowing gently with the light of your magic.

“I couldn’t pick just one, Juju…”

We’re going to need a bigger home, my love

707

Honestly he wasn’t surprised at all

“Oh, my baby 606 is a witch? Why, didn’t you know that your own handsome 707 was a wizard?”

Crossing your arms, you smirked

Should you have genuinely expected any other reaction

With the jokes aside though, he sobered a bit and asked what you did as a witch

You hesitated a bit, and admitted that you had left your mentor when you were very young, and you didn’t know much past minor incantations

Many times you’d wanted to go back, wanted to learn more

But as time passed, and you became older, it became harder and harder to try and take yourself back to where you could learn the art of magic

“you’re the opposite of Larry Popper!”

Shaking your head, you told him that in order to finish your training, you’d need years more of intensive work under your mentor

And now that you had a life together with him, you couldn’t go back to that one

For once Saeyoung quieted before sifting his fingers tenderly through your hair

“Go. I’ll wait for you here. Every hacking wizard needs his witch.”

A sob broke from your chest, and you embraced him tightly—you didn’t want to leave him, and he didn’t want you to leave either

But he could tell that this was something you wanted to do

How could he hold you back after everything you’d already sacrifice just for him?

Three years later, he welcomed you home with open arms and excited words, eager to see what his wayfaring MC learned.

please consider buying me a ko-fi if you liked this work or my other works! If not, thanks for reading <3 I hope you enjoyed it!

#mysme #headcanon #fanfiction requests #mystic messenger #mystic messenger fanfiction #yoosung kim #hyun ryu #jaehee kang #jumin han #saeyoung choi #spoopy #witch mc #witchy #witch #this was fun to write #so sleepy #lololol #mysme jahee #mysme jumin #mysme zen #mysme yoosung #mysme saeyoung

[todaysbiggesthits]

The Exam

Best Music Moment of 2020

Bin: Re-discovering 1990s alt-rock and listening to some previously unknown and/or forgotten jams culminating with discovering that Cherub Rock is an all-time track

Chap: Dancing to Frank Sinatra with my kids on NYE

Bronco: Started jamming with John on Rocksmith.  He pointed out that there was a multiplayer mode, so I ordered another cable and, lo and behold, we were both able to play.  He's starting to learn the bass while I continue to tinker with the guitar.  Pretty awesome to jam out to some Alice in Chains or some Mastodon with my 10-year-old son. Only two more years and he should be able to tour with Korn!

Code: - climbed up to the roof for 4th of july and brought the big set outside to jam at an ear splitting volume. Arden and i danced until we got almost too drunk to descend the ladder. that was major fun. - broke quarantine (and my smoking cessation plan) in late april to ride my bike to the lake and listen to townes van zandt while thinking of bobcat the wheelie king. - listening to shadowplay while closing out each opponent in a summerlong match play tournament. - watching the sun rise through the fog on an october morning while crossing the mississippi river with elliott smith's XO

JD: July: Sitting by the window watching a rainstorm with the Barwick album on the day it came out. October: A big spin of The Big Ship. November: Blasting “House of Jealous Lovers” when they called the election and turning it into a 2.5 hour club mix. November: jj having a violently negative reaction to a song by that Muzz band that came on shuffle and saying it sounded like Jason Mraz.

BC: Haphazard attempt at The Music Game over Zoom in April with last partiers standing - JD, Maddy, and I  "Live Drugs" first listen

Larse: Probably  streaming through YouTube Music's Top Indie 2020 on my Chromecast TV and seeing all of the music videos for the songs on a lazy weekday afternoon whilst I wasn't working over the holidays

Best Shows Seent in 2020

Code: pqc - 10th anniversary show (streamed) silver jews - final show (01/31/2009) a handful of live phish performances while facetiming with jonas, bc and geoff not a single in-person show attended

Nasty:"Dinner  and a Movie" series - Phish Youtube with BC, Code, and Dillon via facetime

JD: 1. Peel Dream Magazine at whatever they call Hi-Fi now on the day before lockdown 2. Real Estate busking on the sidewalk in front of closed record store locations in Manhattan 3. Parkay Boys’ 10th anniversary stream on my couch

Laser: Cirque du Soleil Michael Jackson One in Vegas in January…that was the only show even remotely related to music I saw all year

Bronco: Only seent one, and it was Cold War Kids with my wife.  Had a really good time.  It was nice to share some quality music time together, away from the kids for a night... basically the only time of this butthole of a year.

Chap: Ted Lasso

BC: Yeeeahhh right

Confession of 2020

JD: I think I engaged with Aerosmith music videos more than any new albums.

BC: Listening to new music often feels like a chore

Rotty: I played over 75 rounds of golf this year…another ample opportunity to listen to new music and I found myself just listening to Classic Pop/Rock Hits!

Codem: - i didn't even listen to taylor swift's album. - i listened to bob marley - live! for the first time in 20 years while driving my dad's car and i sobbed and sang.

Nasty: I'm a phish fan now?

Bronco: I'm still reading the book I mentioned in last year's Resolution for 2019 Status...such a slow fucking reader and this book is 1000 pages.  Kindle app says I'm 63% of the way through.  Jesus.

Biggest Disappointment of 2020

Nasty: Still Kanye...

NACK: Sufjan Stevens

Code: - no shows with my sweet one - no stones while waiting for the canons - i think i grew out of diet cig - i didn't put my heart into finding cool album art this year. 

Larson: JD's wedding being cancelled (editor’s note: sure hope you mean postponed)

JD: Don’t know if it was my advanced age, the lack of concerts, commuting, and hearing music in bars and restaurants, or the platform economy murdering my attention span and turning them all into yet more ephemeral ‘content,’ but the new albums really didn’t take this year.

Bronco: Kvelertak was okay, they changed lead singers and the new album was fine, but after their last offering that landed quite high on my list, this one was kind of a let down. Also, 2020.

BC: 2020

Most Overrated of 2020

Chap: Fiona

BC: I fully expect Fiona Apple to flood this answer.  But the correct answer is Waxahachee. 

JD: It’s hard to say given the way ‘institutional’ narratives feel mostly guided by risk minimization, but I always keep this seat warm for Run the Jewels.

Bronco: Any and all death metal.  It's all so samey. I have a hard time trying to get in to any of it, so I don't bother...and then it bothers me when it ends up on end of year lists like it's some revelation of sound. It's literally all the same.

Code: podcasts

Bin: The human brain

Laser: my golf game!

Make it Stop 2020 

Nasty: WOP (editor’s note: WAP?)

Larse: Having to talk about Politics

Code: "better off alone" - purity ring

JD: The impossibly grating contempo pop that’s always on the radio at the bodega down the street.

Chap: Covid? Trump? Celeb deaths? SNL? Murder Hornets? Talkin' tv models via email? Not enough exposure to pop culture to really get annoyed by anything.

BC: The raging pandemic. Seriously. 

Biggest TBH Regret of 2020

Laser: giving this the old college try and having just a shit list!

Chap: Only seeing one show in my 2.5 years in NYC

JD: Skipping Nap Eyes opening for Destroyer in February because I’d so obviously be able to catch Nap Eyes headlining a better venue later on.

Codem: i wanted that teenage halloween album to sound better because i loved the album artwork

Bin: Not buying Lilly stock

Bronco: No regrets to be had, couldn't do anything in this godforsaken year.

Detective Murtaugh of 2020

BC: My back giving out upon bending over to change a light bulb

Chap: Trying to give Taylor Swift the ol' college try. 

Larson: This damn pandemic!

Bronco: I'm too old for being stuck in my house all day, every day, listening to the rest of my family non-stop. I need this shit to end. I can't listen to my kids anymore... not all day. It's crushing me.

Code: now that i own a car again, my favorite pastime has become zoning out to a good album on a long drive and seeing if i can reach an arbitrary mpg number for my trip.

JD: I remember browsing the racks at Media Play and getting mad at every magazine that ranked Love and Theft ahead of Is This It? in 2001 and 19 years later I came thisclose to doing it m’self.

Bin: Arizona,  Pennsylvania, and Nevada taking their sweet ass time counting ballots

Resolution for 2020 Status 

Larse: None How It Went: More than likely it was related to being better at this and this year was probably the worst of all time…

Code: i'm making it easier this year.  catch ovlov, washer, EMA and colleen green live this year.  bonus points: see dom's much anticipated return to the stage. How It Went: ain’t caught but a one!

Bronco: Build a vinyl collection. I know I dumped on Brendon for suggesting he press copies of Carpet Affair, but my kid's getting way into music and listening to it on his own (via Alexa in my bedroom which is super fucking annoying), so we're getting him his own record player and I think it's going to be a cool activity to go record store diving for whatever classics we can scrounge up. How It Went: Started the vinyl collection.  Went record store diving with John at the beginning of the year.  He picked up Ride the Lightening.  And I've got an original pressing of Back in Black on its way, didn't make it in time for Christmas.  I decided on purchasing that album, then a day or two later John said, "I think I know what I want my next record to be...Back in Black".  Sad it didn't make it in time, but psyched I was able to predict it.

Chap: Eh I'm cool How It Went: Ironically, reading back it contradicts what it says

Bren: See Phish in 2020 How It Went: Phish tickets purchased and ready

Bin: Send an email about music on the TBH! thread. How It Went:   Ha!  Set the bar low! Finally. Send an email about music? Check.... "can you  believe Trump plays Fortunate Son unironically at campaign events???"

JD: Get to more shows. Take more aimless strolls spinning tunes. How It Went: Turns out I did a lot of sitting around inside this year.

Resolution for 2021

Bronc: Get vaccinated.

BC: Get vaxxed up and return to normalcy 

JD: - Massively reduce my ‘news’ consumption to free up more time to spin tunes and smell the roses. - Get vaxed and get partying.

Code: see a live music concert

Nasty: I'm going to be ambitious. See a show with JD. Coward move to shy away from this in 2020.

Nicky: To start earlier. It takes me longer to get into new stuff. I didn't even like my top 4 until at least late December, but now I feel like they could compete with most years.

Laser: Be better at this! If anything, the pandemic should have allowed me to listen to more music whilst at home working, but it seemed to have the opposite effect…

Most Anticipated of 2021

BC: TWOD

Bronco: Mastodon, and live shows... not sure I even care which ones.

JD: Dry Cleaning, Park Hye Jin, Viagra Boys

Larse: No clue…

Chap: It's way too early!

Bin: Freedom of movement

Code: it seems like there should be a buncha new cool musical ideas to come out of this time indoors. something like this era's disco?  a big celebratory sound that makes us all smile and move.  in other words, the next dom album.

[protecteugeneporter]

Unspoken || Eugene x Reader

@kallaralda requested:

reader joined group not long before Alexandria; Eugene obviously infatuated; (she is, too) but holds back due to him not being the 'heroic protective type' and she recently lost loved one(s) because they were weak and she couldn't protect them at all times (guilt/afraid to repeat loss); at Deanna's party she gets tipsy w/her homie Tara and kinda spills the beans/coming onto Eugene. 

Summary: Basically that ^^, the reader and Eugene have feelings for each other that neither of them has acknowledged. Both have to be pushed a little bit to face up to the facts. Just a lot of fluff, no smut on this one. 

The road’s been a long one. Every day that you manage to successfully get up out of bed without a crushing sense of grief or self-loathing is one you consider to be a success. Somedays it feels like it gets easier, and it might go on like that for a time, until the day comes that it’s as if she’s died all over again and you can’t bear to move. You wouldn’t want anyone to see you sob anyhow, and thankfully you have privacy enough now to keep it hidden. 

On days that you can’t come out you’ll hear a knock at your door and be met with a new boardgame or book or something that’ll occupy your fingers and mind for the day when manual labor can’t. You were suspicious when this initially happened and the board game that met you was Risk, something you and Eugene had talked about at length once. It was doubly telling that he showed up later to check on you and managed to talk you into a game with him. Or two. 

You knew for certain it was him when Vonda N. McIntyre’s Dreamsnake was left waiting for you at the door. Naught but a day ago he had been telling you that if you liked reading sci-fi, she was the author to check out- if you hadn’t already. Eugene had seen to it and you were grateful for the distraction. Huddled in bed with red eyes and tissues, reading about Snake the healer, you wondered that she wasn’t working her magic on you and your grief. Or, perhaps, that Eugene was. A warm feeling pooled in your stomach at that.

Is there something going on here?  It’s a question you’ve found yourself contemplating about your friendship with Eugene more than once. You take a special enjoyment in his company, in the mutual interests you both can talk about that you can’t with anyone else- that you haven’t been able to in years, really. If ever. There’s something endearing about him that touches you deeper than friendship normally would and so you just have to wonder. 

You have to wonder too if that sort of thing would even be on his radar. There seems to be a very strong possibility a confession to him about this might scare him away completely. You just don’t know and, for this reason, you try not to think of him in these terms, but it’s getting harder everyday to think of him as anything but. How did this even happen...?

Of course, you have other friends- Tara, being a close one. She understands what it’s like to lose a sister and it’s on this point that you two have commiserated before. She’s advised you that you just have to take it one day at a time with your grief, and that’s what you do to the best of your ability. It’s with her that you spend your time during the welcome party thing at Deanna’s, because it seems everyone else is part of a coupling and you think even if you sought out Eugene it might be kind of awkward at this weird, couples-only retreat kind of feel this whole thing has. 

Tara feels similarly, so you both make off with a large bottle of wine onto the porch swing outside. It feels nice to sit in the calm, cool quiet of the evening and laugh together. If not for the huge, metal walls encasing the place it would almost feel as if nothing in the world had changed. You’ve learned to treasure moments of normalcy like this. 

Somehow the conversation switches to a matter you hadn’t intended to discuss, but you’re several glasses into this bottle now, and well...forbearance really isn’t on the menu. 

“Of course, it’s nothing like the huge crush Eugene has on you. I mean, jesus, you’d think it was middle school all over again.” 

Whatever she was comparing said crush to you already forgot, as instead you begin to choke on and splutter out your wine. 

“Sorry, what did you say...?” 

Tara’s got the very telling deer-in-the-headlights look.  

“Uh...! Shit, I wasn’t supposed to tell.” 

“Well the cat’s out of the bag now, so...come on, tell me, how long has this been going on?”

Tara thinks a moment and you can see the gears working in her head as she rifles through the wobbly, somewhat blurry timeline that has been your journey here. It’s hard to even remember what day it is sometimes, so you’re patient. 

“Uhh...hard to say, really. I think I weaseled the truth out of him not long before we got here, but I’d bet money he’s been holding a torch for you longer than that. Sorry. Please don’t tell him I told you?”

You can’t help or even remotely stifle the grin that this revelation has elicited, indicating to Tara that an apology isn’t required here whatsoever. Your dopey grin isn’t lost on her.

“Oh my god... do you have feelings for him too?” Tara’s grinning now just as much, though in a more devious way that makes you nervous. She’s not thinking of playing matchmaker is she? 

“You know, I-...yeah. Yeah, I think I do.” You admit, though you’re trying to play it cool and coy even as your smile still betrays you. 

“Well, what the fuck, what’ve you guys been waiting for?”

You sigh and rest your head on your hand, though you look more wistful than annoyed. “It’s not that simple, Tara...” 

Tara’s having none of your flimsy excuses.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but society as we knew it has collapsed and the dead are walking the earth. Chances of long term survival out here are decidedly remote. Trust me, it is that simple. It is now. You have to tell people how you feel, while the opportunity is there.” 

Tara’s tugged at something deep within you that you didn’t realize wouldn’t hurt as much as it does. You try to keep your shit together but the reminder of what you didn’t do before your sister was taken by Walkers is too much to deal with. You excuse yourself and head back home, Tara calling after you in confusion.

----------------

You hate yourself for how this is propelled you into another unproductive day, wallowing in bed (well, the wine had something to do with that too, of course). Your head hurts and your stomach aches and crying really isn’t helping your hangover dehydration, but you can’t seem to stop. At least the room is dark, right?

You didn’t expect to hear the sound of feet coming up the stairs and the top floor, so you power through your aching to sit up, turn on the light and grab the gun you keep under the bed and point it at whoever comes through the door. 

“No, no, no it’s just me, don’t shoot-!” 

You don’t suppose the paperback novel Eugene seems to be hiding behind is going to do much good, but you’re too startled to see him to make a snide comment to this effect. 

“Eugene...! What are you doing here...?” 

Your heart begins to race a bit. No matter how much wine you might have had you haven’t forgotten the conversation between yourself and Tara. 

“...my apologies for the intrusion...” Eugene attempts, once he’s ascertained that you’ve put the gun down. “You weren’t answering the door and said door happened to be open- normally, I wouldn’t exploit this fact but I was alerted of the fact earlier that you left Deanna’s party in something of an upset, so I felt I’d be remiss and not a very good friend if I didn’t take the liberty of a welfare check.” 

You slink back down into your covers. 

“...you should know it’s not like that. I mean, I’m sad, quite possibly depressed but-” You know it’s unnecessary, but you’re ashamed even so. 

“Yes, I do know that, but...fact of the matter is, I was concerned even so and would continue to be until I heard otherwise from you. Also...I happen to come bearing gifts.” 

He hands over Heinlein’s Time for the Stars with an apologetic explanation of, “This one gets a little technically incestuous, but that’s just par for the course to those of us that enjoyed Game of Thrones. Also, Heinlein’s a must where concerns the genre.”

You smile weakly up at him and hug the book to your chest, content notwithstanding. “Thanks, Eugene.” 

He nods and stands there a moment, somewhat awkward, while you go over in your mind the pros and cons of bringing up what you and Tara had discussed earlier. After a time he excuses himself quickly and makes to leave, but you manage to get a hold of his wrist. 

“I know you have things to do today, I just...hoped we could talk.” 

He nods, amenable, and you invite him to have a seat beside you on the bed. 

“Tara and I were talking last night...” you begin, choosing your words carefully. “Some things were said under the influence of wine that...maybe shouldn’t have been, but, well...the deed is done, as it were.”

His eyes get a bit wider and there’s a definite flush to his cheeks. It would seem he’s , at least in part, already ascertained what it is you’re going to say.  

“Well, it’s just...she mentioned that-...you might have feelings for me...?” 

Eugene’s not able to hold eye contact with you anymore and instead looks sheepishly down at the floor, working his jaw nervously. 

“I have...strong feelings of friendly affection, as I’m sure we both do-”

“No, no. You know what I mean.” 

He’s growing more visibly upset by the minute, ever eager, you guess, to escape this situation. 

“If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather we not discuss it,” he says, his voice firm even if he still can’t make eye contact. “I’ve been down this road before, too many times to count but enough to know exactly how this will pan out without having to relive the embarrassment and disappointment seemingly on repeat.”

“Eugene-”

“While you value me very much as a friend you don’t and never will see me in any light other than the aforementioned. You don’t want to hurt me, but you have to be honest. I know. It’s the same every time. I had just hoped we could perhaps rise above the trite and cliched and pretend things are business as usual without skipping a beat. But if you feel it’s necessary to walk me through that which I am very familiar, please do so quickly as Deanna has a schedule for me to stick to.”

“Eugene...!” You all but shout, sitting up to grab a hold of his arm. “I feel the same.”  

He’s slightly confused but decides to fave a more pessimistic interpretation of what you’ve said and replies, “I’m glad we understand each other, then.”

“No, no! Oh, for godssake...” 

There’s nothing for it but to kiss him, really, and you’re more than happy to oblige, so you move forward to do just that. It’s quick and gentle at first, a short burst of elation in the pit of your stomach. Pulling back, you see him only staring back at you, stunned, speechless. 

“Like I said,” you remind him. “I feel the same.” 

He stares at you a moment, stunned, before managing a shaky, “Oh...” 

You smile at him, warm and reassuring and pull him gently towards you. “Do you have to leave now...?”

He probably does, but the concern that was there earlier for keeping to a schedule is mysteriously gone. 

“Not necessarily...I wager I could spare a quarter of an hour or so.”

“Then stay with me,” you suggest. “Just for a little while.”

Eugene is more than happy to oblige. You lay down with him and wrap his arm around your waist. It’s so much better to have someone here that you trust so completely. It doesn’t hurt that he’s warm and solid, too. He seems unsure at first of where to put his hands or how, but when you lace your fingers with his all feels right and natural between you both. 

Neither of you has any idea where this will lead, how long it’ll last, but you learned long ago to stop asking yourself those questions. Life is for the living, life is right now- and right now, you’re both lucky enough to be spending the present moment in each other’s arms. 

#eugene porter #eugene porter x reader #imagines

[romancevsreality-blog]

vanderpump rules, season five, episode fourteen: so... sandoval’s committed to that hairstyle, eh?

I AM DEAD FROM THE GET GO.

KATIE FUCKED UP THE WEDDING INVITATIONS.

KATIE DONE FUCKED UP THE WEDDING INVITES, Y’ALL.

She spent $18.50 on each one of those “tea towels”/dish rags/thing you use to pick up bugs you’ve crushed under books that she’s trying to fool us all into thinking are chic1 and she forgot to put a space for people’s names on the RSVP, so the entire opening of the show is a damn guessing game as to who’s attending their wedding. Katie also wears a bandana that just reminds me of Avril Lavigne, and we get a little talk about how each of the Toms draws their respective penises.

Kristen comes in, and it’s time to rehash the events of HRH DJ James Kennedy’s show, and Kristen pretty much admits she went there to start shit. She calls it “eat popcorn and watch fireworks”, but she very clearly and very obviously went there for a) camera time and b) to rile up a person who is easily riled. I HATE DEFENDING JAMES. The conversation transitions quickly to Scheana, and how they all feel like since she and Ariana are friendly again, she’s begun distancing herself from the rest of them. Do you blame her, though? Y’all are terrible to her and only treat her with a modicum of decency when you need someone on your side. Katie still has an issue with the way Ariana treated Stassi at the Drunken Painting Event2 and honestly, shows some hilarious hypocrisy here. I mean, it’s Katie, so that’s to be expected. She says Ariana needs to “fall in line”, like she’s fucking Stassi from 2013. Tom mentions that they should all settle their beef before they go to New Orleans, but it doesn’t even matter about Ariana because she’ll be hanging out with the guys, primarily. Katie pretty much is like, “Well, if she doesn’t want to get along with everyone, I don’t want her there or at the wedding.” GIRL PLEASE YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T WANT HER IN YOUR WEDDING PARTY IN THE FIRST PLACE, it’s not Ariana’s obligation to want to hang out with you.

Speaking of Ariana, it’s officially time for the Why Does Lisa Vanderpump Need To Know This segment of the episode, featuring Jax “I Barely Survived Prohibition” Taylor, and … Scheana. Apparently Tom Sandoval is re-entering the modeling world, and Ariana’s baffled by the idea of dating a male model. Ariana is officially Christine Taylor’s character from Zoolander, a connection I’m shocked it took me this long to make. Jax pretends that he was there to see James perform, and remains wonderfully aloof. He pretty much admits - yeah, he’s going to make James’s life hell simply because he doesn’t like him. Jax Taylor, who is 80, is going after a 25 year old man because he just doesn’t like him. What is WRONG with these people?

God, I love this soap opera.

Tom&Tom head over to Joe Simpson[^3]’s house for a photoshoot - WHAT? - because Tom needs photos for an agency to prove that he’s still got what it takes to be America’s Next Top Model3. They talk about Katie and Ariana, and basically agree that what’s going on between them is bullshit, but neither side backs down - except Sandoval, just slightly, by telling Schwartz he’ll talk to Ariana about being more polite. I watched the photoshoot through my fingers, because photoshoots on reality TV are notoriously awkward. I can’t keep my eyes off Tom’s lace front. I don’t even want to mention Joe Simpson. Isn’t Tom like, 10 years older than Joe Simpson’s target demographic?

This show becomes more and more like Zoolander every time I watch it.

James and his doll with dying batteries/girlfriend Raquel go to Bruhaus and sit outside and somehow they have a waitress with a voice as annoying as Raquel’s. James and Raquel talk about the previous night’s events, and Raquel makes him promise that he’s been faithful to her, which he does, and we all know that’s a crock. This will come back to us at some point. I spent this entire scene yelling RAQUEL LET YOUR WORDS OUT PLEASE. She admits that she has a hard time trusting him when she’s up at school, and he doesn’t do the best job of convincing her of such.

Jax and Brittany decide to go to church, and I’m shocked Jax doesn’t go up in flames upon entering a church. Everything I know about religion I learned from Sister Act and Dogma, so I just assume when fallen angels go into a church, it brings on the end of humanity4. Jax wears a suit, pretends he knows how to be a decent person, and asks what frankincense is. It’s something you could use instead of steroids, Jax. How about that? At church, they’re celebrating anger and preaching about taking accountability for your actions towards others. Brittany, who doesn’t know what “irony” is, points out how ironic it is that Jax is here on this day. How timely! Jax hopes going to church one time will be enough to get Brittany and her mom on his side again, because moving a girl across the country and getting angry that she adapted to her surroundings is equivalent to going to church one time.

Stassi’s at her mom’s house in Lake Arrowhead, where she’s helping her after her full hysterecto5 and making her disgusting breakfast. Her mom is happy because it means Stassi will finally have to take care of someone besides herself for once. Nikolai, Stassi’s little brother, lets Katie in and is immediately going to Nikolai for advice. It’s so weird they’re going to a 12 year old for advice, but Stassi is rightful to feel guilty for separating Nikolai and Patrick after their breakup. Letting anyone into your life is hard, and letting them get close to those you love is harder because all relationships are delicate and can end at any time. Stassi admits that she needs to be alone for a bit, and Nikolai doesn’t 100% understand that. Stassi sobs, and Nikolai comforts her - something I’m pretty sure he’s used to. Very, very used to.

Sandoval and James go and get tea6 and discuss the Night At The Redbury shenanigans - James thinks it’s flattering that GG wants to go out of her way to prove they slept together, and continues to deny it happened, even though Tom is like “dude, it happened. Just admit it.” It really does seem like it happened. James is the anti-Jax: he refuses to admit truths about himself, but is more than happy to perpetuate lies about other people. James is such garbage.

Peter/Ray Romano is producing an eight-minute short sci-fi film, because he’s convinced that for some reason, anyone will give him $100 million for a first feature7, even if it is a sci-fi one. Tom Sandoval is involved, of course, because this episode should really be called Tom Sandoval Is A Hustler Like Lisa Rinna. They put Tom Sandoval in front of a green screen in broad daylight and basically wrap him in fabric the way I did at every toga party I went to in college.8 He can barely get his lines correct, and he’s hoping this will lead to Peter being the next James Cameron and making the next Avatar. Please, god, no. Do we need another Blue Dances With Wolves? I know we’re getting Blue Fern Gully 2 and Blue Pocahontas 3 in a few years, but I don’t think Peter’s going to be James Cameron. It’s a wrap, and Ariana and Tom get to talking. Ariana doesn’t give any fucks about Katie being worried about her behavior, and doesn’t see anything worth apologizing for, which she doesn’t. Tom advises her to be a little nicer in her delivery, and Ariana says she’s not one to sugarcoat. And neither am I.9

We’re at Villa Rosa, where Scheana is meeting with Pandora10 and Lisa Vanderpump, where they’ve come to raid for booze for Katie’s bridal shower? Didn’t they just have one of those for her? Anyway, Pandora’s throwing it. Scheana immediately starts throwing shade about Katie’s attitude, which both Pandora and Lisa try to write off as just “bridal jitters”, and Scheana’s like, “nah, that doesn’t give you the right to be an absolute monster.” I’m gonna get vertigo with how much this show wants me to flip flop on these people, I swear. Lisa doesn’t understand why Katie’s being so mean to Scheana, and waves a dog around for the entirety of this exchange. She must have the strongest arms in the world.

Schwartz meets with the rest of the grooms...people? I don’t know what to call them since Ariana’s there, so I’ll just say “groomsmen” for the sake of it all. They order Jameson picklebacks11 and beers and decide they’re going to go full drag for a night, because they want to know if they would have sex with themselves if they were woman. Jax is game, but only if he can be a SuicideGirl type, which to me, is horrific. Tom denies any homoeroticism between any of the guys, and we’re greeted with a lovely montage of Jax humping men, Jax dressed as a cowboy, Jax snuggling with the Toms. Nothing homoerotic about it, right? Schwartz brings up what went down between Ariana and Stassi, and basically says Stassi was super upset and Ariana was too harsh. Ariana doesn’t think she should apologize - again, because she shouldn’t - but does agree to go to Stassi and try to smooth things over.

Pandora’s house looks like Dirk Diggler’s house in Boogie Nights, but she’s set up a great spread for Katie’s second bridal shower. Stassi basically looks like she’s about to shit herself with Ariana arrives, but they go to ooh and ahh over Pandora’s house that Lisa Vanderpump clearly paid for. Y’all - this is what happens when you both have rich parents and are responsible with your money. Oh, this is a “spa day” party, that’s the theme. They’re getting massages. I want a fucking massage. Meanwhile, Ariana, Stassi, Pandora, get glycolic hand peels whilst Katie, Kristen, and Brittany get massages. Scheana tries to smooth things over between Ariana and Stassi, which leads to Ariana having my favorite line of the night:

Stassi: “She’s the one that doesn’t like me.” [Ariana and Stassi both laugh]

Ariana (in her talking head): “I’m laughing because it’s funny, and it’s funny because it’s true.”

Scheana wants Ariana to apologize, and both Ariana and Stassi don’t want an apology because they both know it would be disingenuous. Stassi knows Ariana doesn’t like her, and she just doesn’t want Ariana to make it so obvious when they’re around each other - not a crazy request. Ariana agrees to have a more open mind and that she just wants to have fun. They both just want to have fun, so shit seemed smooth with the two of them.

The ladies sit down to a gorgeous lunch, and Katie of course rekindles the argument that was just settled. Stassi and Ariana both admit to not wanting apologies, and Katie gets all passive-aggressive and basically says “It would make me feel better if you just apologized.” She throws her wedding around and “can’t stand to have negativity around” during that time. Girl, have you looked at yourself and your life and your choices? Scheana is pissed off because she tried to smooth things over between Stassi and Ariana for Katie, and Katie’s still unhappy with the results, even though Stassi and Ariana are. Katie mentions how upset she was that Scheana told her about the bridal shower drama, and that she feels like Scheana’s pulling away from her, and Scheana’s like “Well, I’m tired of waking up to abusive text messages from you every morning.” Katie then sums up both herself and why she’s terrible in one line: “It’s harsh, it’s mean, it’s my truth.” She then says she’s tired of being called insubordinate, which is the correct term, but still feels wrong in this context. Scheana tries to point out that Katie’s a mean drunk and is basically being gaslit in the worst way. Katie refuses to take accountability and basically is like “Why can’t I be mean when I’m drunk if you deserve it?” and says people are calling Scheana fake, anyway, so what does it matter. What this boils down to is Katie is pissed that Scheana can take the high road while Katie remains going low constantly, and Katie calls that Scheana trying to be “perfect". Katie just wants everyone to go for the jugular when it comes to her, and doesn’t like that Scheana is capable of being a decent person at times. Scheana throws her napkin and runs out, and Pandora is sitting there like “WHY DID I DO THIS?” Scheana, in the bathroom, finally admits what we’ve been saying all along - Katie doesn’t like her, she’s just trying to pad her #GirlSquad for her wedding. Katie claims her wedding events have been tainted by assholes (herself) and tries to sound like the fucking Godfather when she says “I will fuck you up” if you turn on her. She just sounds like a psychopath.

Katie and Scheana talk about how Scheana feels like she’s always doing something wrong with Katie, and Katie, who locked her Twitter because she couldn’t handle valid criticism, says that she calls people out when they’re wrong, and that it’s okay to call her out. Is that not what Scheana was just doing? They kiss and make up, and it’s sad because Katie is a garbage bag full of toenail clippings and Scheana just wants to be on television.

Jax goes to meet Lisa in the Sexy Unique Restaurant to both get paid and also to ask if the boys can borrow gowns from her. She’s horrified, especially at the insinuation she might have costume jewelry, but agrees. The boys head over to Villa Rosa to try on Lisa’s jewelry and underwear. Jax and Sandoval are in AWE over Lisa’s apartment/closet that I am salivating in envy over. Tom Sandoval is putting on every single piece of Lisa’s jewelry, and Jax comes out wearing one of Lisa’s dresses with the neckline down to his bellybutton12. Jax calls Givenchy “Ga-vinch-y”, of course, and Tom wears a bra and the best sunglasses I’ve ever seen. This scene is much less horrific than I thought, considering.

Tom and Katie are out to dinner, and Schwartz is ordering salt-and-vinegar french fries13 and Katie’s ordering tequila on the rocks, as per usual. This is their relationship in a nutshell: potatoes and vodka. Tom’s already wearing his wedding ring, and says he’ll take it off around hot girls, which Katie is unamused by. He asks her how Pandora’s was, and immediately says that Ariana was nervous because of Katie’s reaction to her, and the fact that Tom now has an idea about both sides of the story, and accuses Katie of not being objective. Katie immediately goes on the defense, accuses Tom of taking Ariana’s side and accuses Ariana of casting a shadow over the entire event, and continues to say “It’s my fucking day”, reaffirming the truth - Katie wants to get married to say she got married and to win, not because she’s in love. She cries and calls Ariana self-centered and elitist, which is rich coming from Katie. And Tom calls it as it is: Ariana is more emotionally mature than Katie could ever wish to be, and is self-aware enough to know when something should be settled. Tom loses any support he had from me by passive-aggressively saying “I should have known better than to say anything that doesn’t agree with your opinion.” I get his intention, but he doesn’t have to be so self-loathing about it. Katie does what Katie does and walks out on him AGAIN, and this time he doesn’t run after her. He shouldn’t. Katie really should be ashamed of herself.

Next Week: Katie’s going to explode, Jax doesn’t like the tension, James is back working for Lisa, they get beaded in New Orleans, everyone gets drunk, Katie gets hit in the face with something finally, and Stassi and Jax talk about their relationship.

SEE YOU TOMORROW FOR THE BACHELOR I PROMISE.

Random Thoughts From The Desk of Amanda:

I really hate that I like the length of Katie’s nails. Like, they’re short but pointy. I want them on me but I don’t want them because Katie has them.

I get that Schwartz, Lisa, and Sandoval hate Stassi, but it really does seem like they all blame Katie’s bad behaviors on her, as if Katie’s incapable of being an asshole otherwise. Nah, she’s always been terrible.

I miss Lala.

Why is Carter a groomsman?

Another “Why Did Tom And Katie Get Married?” theory: the idea of getting your wedding called off on national TV is humiliating, but they really should have called it off at this point in the season.

Kristen’s scary nodding when Katie was like “It’s my day, it’s about me.” Oh my god.

I loved that Jax struggled with “transvestite”. He’s constantly showing his age.

Linguistics joke: I’m really tempted to always call Tom Schwartz “Tommy Schwa”, but using ə as his last name - “Tommy ə”. That is a joke that wouldn’t land.

Katie is probably a Pinterest nightmare. ↩︎

My names are slowly but surely becoming less interesting. ↩︎

Listen to my podcast! ↩︎

Then again, Donald Trump is president, so. Jax, look at what you fucking did. ↩︎

WHY IS THIS SCENE NOT ON YOUTUBE? Happy Endings is the best show you never watched. ↩︎

And from the looks of it, Sandoval pays. LOLOLOLOL. ↩︎

I can hear my boyfriend screaming and laughing, and he’s not even near me as I’m watching this. ↩︎

i.e, with zero finesse or attempt to make it look decent. ↩︎

It is not my obligation to make you feel comfortable. ↩︎

Who is wearing a Boy George hat. Man, he is having a great 2017. ↩︎

Why would you do this to Jameson. ↩︎

The bra is gone! ↩︎

Did you know if you like salt and vinegar, you probably like the taste of blood? ↩︎

#vanderpump rules #reality tv #i swear i'm going to get my blog done tomororw #i'm such a loser guys i'm sorry #lisa vanderpump #this show is such a shitshow though #i love it so much

[tinymixtapes]

Column: Favorite Rap Mixtapes of November & December 2018

With a cascade of releases spewing from the likes of DatPiff, LiveMixtapes, Bandcamp, and SoundCloud, it can be difficult to keep up with the overbearing yet increasingly vital mixtape game. In this column, we aim to immerse ourselves in this hyper-prolific world and share our favorite releases each month. The focus will primarily be on rap mixtapes — loosely defined here as free (or sometimes free-to-stream) digital releases — but we’ll keep things loose enough to branch out if/when we feel it necessary. (Check out October’s installment here.) Soooooo many dope mixtapes these past two months that even as TMT’s year-end coverage wrapped up like gifts bursting from Santa’s sack, our squad still jumped at the chance to pile on some final blurbs of 2018 before the ball-drop. “Overbearing?” Maybe. “Hyper-prolific?” Definitely. Multiple puns in that first sentence? Two for the price of one, hon. To that, before we get into our November and December favs, here are some “honorable mentions” that didn’t get a write-up below but are no less deserving of a spin this New Year’s Eve: Semiratruth - WAIT!, Demahjiae - Ghetto Blessings, SPNDA x Kae Tea - Mosaic EP Lil Durk - Signed to the Streets 3, City Girls - Girl Code, The Diplomats - Diplomatic Ties, Roc Marciano - Pimpstrumentals, Grimm Doza & SpaceGhostPurrp - The Haunting in New Jersey, Wiardon - Numba1Viktim, Chris Crack - Just Gimme A Minute and Thanks Uncle Trill, Bloodmoney Perez - Time is a Motherfucker, CL King - Waiting 4, and Defcee - A Mixtape As God Intended, Vol. 1 … also, three (!!!) Young Thug leaks. –Samuel Diamond --- Red Daughter, Trap Funk & Alivio - Red Funk Alivio 2 [STREAM] It’s mixtapes like this one that have us quietly missing the days when the word “rap” wasn’t in this column’s title. W/o wasting too many words justifying this tape’s inclusion, let’s just say rap is a big part of it. But so too are Afrocentrism, feminism, indigenous pride, Brooklyn, the Bronx, Brazil, baile funk, Jersey club, house, footwork, and many more elements than an admittedly limited worldview can readily identify. One hesitates to revisit clichés like the dance after the revolt or “if this doesn’t get you moving, you’re already dead,” but, well, while Google Translate tells us that alivio is Portuguese for relief, our ears, eyes, and noses tell us that the club is flooding with oppressor blood. If you missed the first drop, catch up. –Samuel Diamond --- Tommy Genesis - Tommy Genesis [STREAM] We the undersigned/unwashed jabberers at TMT have a tastynasty habit of measuring years out in loosely-themed song mixes. I bet some super astute comment section glob thinks it’s an arbitrary habit. I humbly submit that when we cycle artifacts through a series of spaces, patterns emerge. Assumptions get split. Moods and usages cross and swerve. The exceptional artifacts fit every space. Tommy Genesis, the Vancouver rapper’s debut album, pumps blood and caresses muscles like GYM, cycles want until it subsumes self, a party in the VOID. “Drive” flecks acoustic strings at the CLIFF’s edge and Charlie Heat’s ballast production on “Play With It” turns the ALLEY concave, sends come-on invocations city-wide, supercharged fuel for the COUPE. Tommy Genesis sounds like a whole damn year — wanting more is loving living. –Frank Falisi --- Peewee Longway - State of the Art [STREAM] A glaring omission from our Favorite Cover Art feature (putting him at two for the year), State of the Art finds Peewee Longway rapping as well as he ever has, retaining his distinctive style while adapting to the ever-evolving sound of the moment. Longway’s sound has always tracked the mainstream not directly but as a point of divergence; while likely not distinct enough to make him anyone’s absolute favorite rapper, he’s well-positioned for the reliable production of quality, personable raps. State of the Art is split between showpieces for relatively stock guest spots from the likes Gucci or members of Migos, and far more idiosyncratic one-offs; “Lets Be Real” (with Maxo Kream) is a Molly anthem reminiscent of some of Longway’s stranger inclinations, while “Top of the Bank” marries an Otis Redding interpolation and a cooing, celebratory hook without either seeming out of place. Longway’s more likely to retire from rap (yet again) than blow up any time soon, but State of the Art is more than enough proof that the roundest rapper working has got plenty left to give. –Corrigan B --- Adé Hakim - On To Better Things [STREAM · DOWNLOAD] In a year of SlumsNYC triumphalism — see the series of landmark releases by navy blue, King Carter, MIKE et al., culminating with Earl Sweatshirt’s Some Rap Songs — Adé Hakim a.k.a. Sixpress has been like a silent partner to the movement. Featured on most of the aforementioned and having released a couple of short but no less notable mixtapes on his own this year, Hakim closes out an already-headway-making 2018 with his most complete and progressive work to date in the aptly titled On To Better Things. Low-key, high-impact beats, rhymes, and life insights from the birthplace of hip-hop coalesce here in a freely collective but clearly self-defined gestalt. Where do we go from this? Just listen. –Samuel Diamond --- AJ Suede - Darth Sueder II: Goth Marciano [STREAM] Don’t let your current intake of “lo-fi” hip-hop begin and end with Earl’s latest album. Rapper/Producer AJ Suede has perfected his own take on the subgenre with his latest tape, Darth Sueder II, chopping lightly treated soul samples to set his seasick verses adrift on a lemon-lime sea. What he’s doing sonically isn’t boundary-breaking or avant-garde, but his ear for memorable loops that settle into the backdrop is impeccable. On “Lovable,” a meandering organ shuffles against hi-hats that eke out what should be an un-rappable rhythm; somehow, though, it’s the perfect vehicle for Suede to wax romantic about autumn leaves before launching into asides about gentrification and white people who are too quick to call the cops. Ideas are scattered throughout the brief tracks, but each one’s focused, bridged by some of my favorite punchlines in recent memory (“I was in that county fair/ Like that kid apparently.”) If you’re not scared off by references to esoteric Christianity and MK ULTRA, give Goth Marciano a spin — it’s a fresh take on minimalistic East Coast hip-hop, especially for someone often entrenched in the distorted cloud rap favored by his brethren in the Underground Dust Funk collective. –Jude Noel --- Big Twins - Grimey Life [STREAM] Although Big Twins f.k.a. Twin Gambino has experienced something of a second life thanks to today’s boom-bap revival, one need look no further than the guestlist on this tape to recognize his Infamous Mobb credentials. In addition to features from fellow Infamous rappers Godfather Pt. 3 and Ty Nitty, as well as Mobb affiliate Big Noyd, Grimey Life includes a posthumous appearance by Prodigy, which finds the late icon far from phoning it in, with lines such as “I handle bars like lifers or motocross bikers.” For those keeping track, Havoc also lends a verse (to Knxwledge-produced eulogy “Memories”), and The Alchemist produces the fittingly ghostly “Phantom of the Opera.” In spite of these bigger names and many other features, the project is first and foremost a product of Big Twins whose often imitated but never duplicated voice remains the unmistakable audio definition of grime — inflicted pain inflected. –Samuel Diamond --- Bbymutha - Muthaz Day 3 [STREAM] The cover art of Muthaz Day 3 is a photo of Bbymutha with her two sets of twins all dressed in red robes, surrounded by candles and sitting on what appears to be a pentagram. You’re in her domain now. Welcome to a world full of sinister instrumentals and trap beats that slither underneath the Chattanooga rapper’s spellbinding flow; a world where a single mom with two sets of twins doesn’t have to be bound by the traditional ideas of what a parent should or shouldn’t be; a world where confidence is the lifeblood of all things. On Muthaz Day 3, Bbymutha continues to champion her independence and forge ahead on a path that she’s laying brick by brick, all by herself. –Sam Tornow --- DaBoii - Neva Lookin Back [STREAM] We should be thankful that this was even made into a playlist. For a little over two years, the members of Bay Area juggernaut SOB X RBE have operated as an essentially YouTube-only outfit; while enjoyable, both recent albums (GANGIN and GANGIN II) scan more as fulfillments of label obligations than as faithful documents of the group’s most essential, often online-only work. As obsessives were left to parse the steady stream of loosies from individual members and all possible combinations thereof, there were few safer bets than a DaBoii solo track. DaBoii raps with purist appeal, his style a charismatic but unornamented amalgam of the Bay’s long history of singular rap figures. The videos, courtesy directors Tyler Casey and BGIGGZ, are often as entertaining as the songs themselves; Neva Lookin Back corrals three of DaBoii’s best from the past year (“Ridin’,” “Onna Gang,” and “Sum it Up”) alongside a further nine new tracks, offering an imperfect but better-than-nothing document of DaBoii’s 2018. Still, it’s probably best to rip your own copy of this while you still can. –Corrigan B --- Curren$y, Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist (Fetti?) - Fetti (Roma?) [STREAM] A tangential anecdote that bears repeating: in a recent interview, rapper Milo reminisced about driving around Chicago with rapper Serengeti, listening to Freddie Gibbs and Madlib’s Piñata, which Milo recalled inspired ‘Geti to say, “I don’t know if it gets better than this.” Word. Although pairing with the Mad Liberator might’ve made Gibbs your favorite rappers’ favorite rapper, heads have been waiting for a Gibbs-Curren$y-Alchemist album since the trio first came together on 2011’s “Scottie Pippen.” Thankfully, Fetti does not disappoint nor does it rest on the laurels that the three artists have received independently of each other in the seven years since. Which brings us to another point not yet fully addressed in this tape’s coverage to date: none of the three artists’ names appear on the cover, yet the word “Roma” does, leading one to believe that it might in fact be the title to this, the first release by a rap supergroup named Fetti. Fingers crossed, lighters up. –Samuel Diamond --- Warhol.ss - Chest Pains [STREAM] Has it really been two and a half years since Warhol.ss dropped “Speed Racer?” Although it feels like little time has passed since the Chicago emcee broke into the SoundCloud mainstream, the platform’s predominant ethos has experienced so much change it’s easy to forget the potential that brief track packed. Surfing Brentrambo’s undulant percussion, Warhol.ss stood out with a gruff cadence and unflinching confidence that offset the bubblegum aesthetic that overtook 2016. Despite a handful of collaborations with tastemakers Pi’erre Bourne and Cole Bennett, he’s yet to recreate his initial brilliance — an understandably difficult feat for someone so ahead of their time. On Chest Pains, we find Warhol.ss exploring the lanes that lead him back to prominence: he’s at his most accessible muttering plosive-tinged one-liners on the Kenny Beats-produced “Bird’s Nest,” but “War Ready” proves to be the tape’s most fascinating venture. Kick drums stumble over bars as Warhol lines the off-kilter rhythm with a nimble collage of triplet flows. It’s difficult to wrap your head around, but it’s hypnotic if you can. This new crop of cuts doesn’t include an obvious hit, but it does appear to be a step toward something greater. Trust the process. –Jude Noel --- Black Josh - Yung Sweg Lawd [STREAM] Is it acute homesickness or latent agoraphobia that causes some people to become physically ill every time they leave their old stomping grounds? Or maybe just plain, ordinary travelers sickness? My brother, who works in an airport, told me that a few months back a flight touched down with every passenger and crew member sick, like vomiting sick… quarantine sick. Yung Sweg Lawd is that sick, bro. It’s dark. Absent a better frame of reference (my fault), it’s Wu-Tang on Tim Westwood in the 90s, blacked out, using the words “dark” and “horrible” as slang praise, having likely just learned it. Pharma-grade smoke clouds billowing like factory stacks, it’s the acid rain; Black Josh a climate-change centaur moving (in) packs. –Samuel Diamond --- The-Dream - Ménage à Trois: Sextape Vol. 1, 2, 3 [STREAM] Weird times that we’re living in when an artist can release a three-volume, 42-song mixtape and it’s not anticipated or received as their magnum opus. In fact, I don’t even think that R&B heavyweight The-Dream announced Ménage à Trois beforehand beyond hinting that he was working on something. Thus Ménage à Trois, thematically billed as a three-part “sex tape,” with album art to match, lands as another long project from another major artist (which is the standard in The Age of Streaming), but it’s one worth sifting through if you like R&B even just a little bit. Singers-turned-rappers and/or rappers-turned-singers are a dime a dozen nowadays (i.e., that Drizzy-/Ty Dolla-esque hybrid style, which, make no mistake, I do enjoy), which is to say: for all the suave-crooning purists like myself, R&B proper has seen better days on the charts. Luckily, The-Dream gives us 2.5 hours of sultry singing (mostly) sans rap harmonies here while still delivering much stylistic variety. Think The Weeknd’s Trilogy except every song is about sex, with a modus operandi that overall seems to be downtempo and lush. Dig through this behemoth until you find something to cuddle up with — there’s bound to be stuff you’ll have on repeat. –Alex Brown --- Boosie Badazz - Boosie Blues Cafe [STREAM] From the Thanksgiving release date (announced two days prior) to its very concept, the actual existence of Boosie Blues Cafe was far from certain until the moment we had it in our hands. Not that expectations were tempered to match, of course. While not “bluesy,” per se, the cathartic baring of the soul has always factored heavily into Boosie’s work; he’s the man with a song for everything, a Baton Rouge legend off his ability to speak directly to the city’s youth. The prospect of him stepping fully into the region’s other musical tradition, then, was immensely appealing, if less out of optimism than sheer curiosity. It works OK — with the exception of absolute slapper “I Know How to Have a Good Time,” most of the tracks are identifiably Boosiean to a fault; Boosie’s got such a long history of rapping this stuff in a compelling way that translating it to a blues idiom can feel a bit rote. A worthwhile experiment, however; Boosie’s passion projects are by default a thousand times more interesting than someone else’s re-hashing of the very crowded Rap Caviar lane. –Corrigan B --- Sir E.U - Merry christmas my nigga! / Thc / To This Day / Cries for help [MCMN · THC · TTD · CFH] Earlier this year, I was talking to an artist who shall remain nameless about the inclusion in this column of a tape by another artist who shall remain nameless. The artist I was kibitzing with took issue with the included work, saying something to the effect of “If you throw enough shit at the wall, eventually some will stick, but that doesn’t mean it’s any good,” which is more than fair. To be honest, my understanding of noise sets and DJing in general isn’t nearly adroit enough to tell if Sir E.U’s massive output over the last two weeks is an example of the aforementioned criticism or of a mix master purposely and methodically laying waste to two-turntable fundamentals. Either way, though, the shit bangs. And the sheer quantity of his year-end sound dump is something to behold. Dig in. –Samuel Diamond http://j.mp/2GM5GfC