#(13) i hate my anxiety... wish i could get rid of this bitch...
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see you soon! ≪ masterlist ≫ sinto a tua falta
“I haven’t had a girls night, a girl's anything, since our shopping date almost a year ago… so I appreciate you both being here with me today.”
And it was, YN had never been one to interact with women. Not that she had anything against them, it was more like they didn’t like her. Which she could understand from a perspective, but still hated it. Its not like she tried to hide it either way.
It’s the first long weekend for all of you and between school, internships and work, it was nonverbally decided that a break had to be done. Fortunately, the girls came to your place willingly and had no arguments about the quantity of food purchased.
You’d be lying if you said that you wanted this reunion to happen because you’re worried about Hinata... yearning for a fraction of attention from your tangerine love. But they didn’t need to know that.
Shimizu and Yachi are playing with King Charles, toying around with his favorite rope. Shimizu picks him up and says in a baby voice, “So… how are you and Hinata doing?”
Ah, there it is, the question you don’t really want to answer. It's been a few months since Hinata moved to Brazil and you could feel the distance overwhelming your feelings. It wasn’t that you were falling out of love, on the contrary, you felt more in love which as a consequence made it so much more painful than it used to be.
It was more apparent when calling or texting, even with the time difference you did your best to call him but it seemed very…
“I feel like our relationship is very one sided.”
Both of the girls give you a look and you chuckle, “I know! I know! But its not like that… I already knew that we didn’t share the same feelings and everything but,” you groan and throw yourself on your bed, “its like! I call him or text him and he’s so… so Bella Swan.”
“Bella Swan?”
“Emotionless, sorry.” You sit up and peer at your phone, still waiting for an answer even though it's been almost 2 days. “I don’t know if something is going on or if- if I’m being too clingy… maybe I am, maybe I should back off and stop and-” Shimizu stops your mumbling by placing her finger on your lips.
“Shush, child and breathe.” You take a deep breath, trying to get rid of all the anxiety that was starting to swell up.
“I think Hinata is just overwhelmed, yn.” Yachi has KC on top of her chest, getting pets and kisses from said girl, “He moved across the globe, is learning a new language and a new way of playing vb. It's not an excuse for ignoring you! But he might just be homesick… and he might not recognize that he does miss you too.”
The last part of Yachi’s words make you blush, but you drop the thought as soon as it's heard. Hinata has yet to admit any type of… romantic feelings, but if you’ve learned anything from those ‘suitors’, it's that boys are just … not computing.
“I-”
“Whatever the reason is,” Shimizu cuts you off, “He’s being stupid. He’s 19 now, a grown ass man, if he was able to decide that he needed to fly off to Brazil, he can make up his mind about his feelings.”
“I understand what you’re saying, babe, but not all of us have a Tanaka like you. Some of us have to suffer.”
Shimizu blushes furiously and throws you a pillow, “Shut up you beautiful, dumb bitch and play the movie.”
If someone had told 13 year old Hinata Shoyo that at 19 he would be in Brazil, playing beach volleyball and missing a girl, he would’ve lost his mind. Not like he isn’t already losing it anyway...
He knows he should answer her texts and he also knows he hasn’t been the best with her, but he’s so confused. He has kept himself busy enough that he hasn’t had a lot of time to think about it, but when he does it physically pains him... So he keeps himself busy 24/7.
Expect right now.
He had unlocked his cellphone so that Oikawa-san could write down his number on it, only for his twitter app to open and show YN’s profile. He had been... looking to see pics about KC. No he wasn’t he was saving the new pics from the BBCo photoshoot.
Oikawa whistled after seeing a pic of YN in a... revealing outfit. “You’re friends with that pretty girl, right? The daughter of One Shot. If she’s single, you should introduce us, Chibi-chan.”
He knows that Oikawa’s words are just that, words. He knows that even if he introduced them, YN would shut down his advances ASAP... so why does he still want to punch the Great King’s face?
“I could, but I’m afraid she isn’t single.”
Oh what the fuck did I just say.
Oh no, no, no.
“Really!?” Oikawa sighs, “What a bummer, she’s so attractive and is into sports. I heard she built a company with that gamer guy Koduzen... Well, whatever, if you ever hear about their break up,” Oikawa hands Hinata a card with his number, “Give this to her, alright?” He winks before walking away with his teammates back to their hotel. “I’ll see you tomorrow chibi-chan~.”
Hinata doesn’t have anything against Oikawa Toru. No hard feelings, no anger, nothing. He actually appreciates that he is here, helping him out of his homesickness funk, teaching him vb tricks and hanging out with him even though he’s here for the Olympics. So he doesn’t wish anything wrong for his frenemy, only the best.
That doesn’t stop him from throwing away the card though.
see you soon! ≪ masterlist ≫ sinto a tua falta
facts:
➜ KC is a big boy now, wow.
➜ I love all the HQ girls, but these two are special to me♥
➜ WE ALL NEED A HYPEMAN LIKE TANAKA IN OUR LIVES!
➜ I deeply apologize for making Oikawa look like the ‘bad guy’, istg he isn’t. He’s just fallen prey to the plot :]
A/N: Hello, long time no update BUT here it is :) it’s been in my drafts and for some reason it wouldn’t upload soo... I had to redo it all over again, but WHTEV. Enjoy this cocktail of emotions~
P.S. Next chapter is... spicy ♥
taglist ➜ open! send an ask to be added ღ
@mint-mai . @prettyinblack231 . @starryleafy . @ilauvcoldpizza . @its-the-aerieljeane . @daddy-kawa . @aizumii @pansexualproblemchild
#sweet tangerine#sweet tangerine♥#hinata smau#hinata fic#hinata shoyo#hinata shouyou#hinata shouyo#hinata shoyo x reader#haikyu!! smau#haikyu smau
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hwat if i asked you to do all 50 for Xenoc would that be too many for you friend
Never too many questions my good bitch!! Thank u wes ilyUnder a cut because 1. It’s really long 2. A lot of possible triggers (violence, suicide mention, abuse, etc.) and 3. BIG SPOILERS for anyone playing in this campaign. Y’all know who you are.1. What is one word to shut them up?
Their name (or almost anything) said in a certain tone of voice. Anything similar to how their father and higher-ups in the organization issued orders.
2. What is the thing they feel the most guilty about?
They tend to breeze by guilt even when they should feel bad about something, but the one thing they’ve never gotten over is leaving their only friend in the compound alone when she was in pain, afraid, and in the midst of drug withdrawal. They didn’t know what to do so they left her alone, and found out the next day she’d overdosed. It’s the only thing they feel guilt about, and they now try to never let someone who’s upset be alone because they’re afraid they’ll never see them again.
3. What is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced?
Physically and mentally, the withdrawal they experienced after leaving the compound. It was a different type of pain than the beatings or brands they’d received before, and the novelty made it all the worse, especially since they were only 13 at the time.
4. Describe their worst nightmare.
(I want to take this one literally cause it’s fun.) Their nightmares are usually very abstract and blurred, and they never remember them when they wake up, although they often wake up from nightmares in a panic attack or disassociating. This probably comes from how young they were (and still are) when their traumas occurred, and the fact that they’re repressing most of the memories. They literally fought a nightmare monster with the party that forced them to see their parents and their father about to beat them, and now that scene is the one thing they remember from any nightmares they’ve had since. They hate the monster that did it more and more every time it happens.
5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear.
Surface level: a lot of animals— specifically dogs, rats, etc. lab animals, and the types of animals the children practiced fighting with.Repressed: they don’t think about it much, but if they are confronted with drugs again, especially with any of their party members, they probably will react very badly.Deep dark: catch them off guard with a command or authoritative tone, and they’ll completely freeze up. Despite the fact that some of them are dead, they still are deeply terrified of the power their parents and the whole organization had over them.
6. What is something that never fails to make them feel sick?
The smell, or even the sight, of Jet, Psycho, or any other addictive drug/poison they’ve worked with.
7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves?
They really don’t hate much of anything, mostly because they’re a child and don’t like to think about anything internally. If anything, it would be the scars and brands that mark their entire right side, but they’ve covered them in tattoos to avoid having to think about them.
8. Do they have anything that triggers them?
Yeah, but not really in the traditional sense. Typically they react to the trigger with violence and anger, then pretend it didn’t happen, and then disassociate as soon as things calm down. Things that will do it are typically references to drugs (or worse, being around them,) and being ordered to do things (especially in a certain tone of voice.) anything that reminds them of their father’s abuse or of the compound.
9. What is their greatest physical weakness?
They’re really not very strong, but they hold up fine in battle especially since they keep their distance.
10. What is their greatest mental weakness?
Probably their refusal to do any sort of self reflection. They bottle up all their trauma without even really realizing they’re doing it.
11. Do they have any vices?
They used to have drug addictions, from accidental inhalation and exposure to them for years. They do drink alcohol, but avoid drugs at all costs even if they don’t want to think about why.
12. Have they ever done something illegal? What was it?
SO many times. Most of their life was spent literally working in an illegal organization, and they don’t really try to keep their work strictly legal even now.
13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them?
It’s hard to decide. They’re a genuinely good person, but they don’t know how to actually be good so a lot of sins describe them. Probably greed or wrath. Maybe pride.
14. Are they prone to outbursts (of violence, extreme emotion… exc… )?
Absolutely. Especially if anything reminds them of the past, or anything they don’t want to think about. They typically react with extreme violence. Their emotional outbursts also tend to be more angry than anything else, since they don’t like feeling scared or sad.
15. Who do they hate the most?
They hate the heads of their old organization. They still harbor a lot of hatred and fear towards their parents, though they will insist that their deaths ended that.
16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior?
Sometimes people do, so they took to not really talking about their age since people didn’t treat them like an adult if they knew they’re 15. They pretty much don’t let people make them feel inferior anymore.
17. What sound always gives them a headache?
They hate animal noises, like continuous barking or squeaking. They like the loud noise their gun makes when they fire, and the sound of explosions delights them, but sometimes their ears ring and their head hurts afterwards if they were too close.
18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them?
They hate bitter things because they’re a kid and their taste reflex to avoid possible poison is even more overactive than a normal kid’s. They prefer to eat the same food, like their own rations, over and over than try new things.
19. Do they consider themselves ugly?
Not really. They kind of wish they didn’t have to have tattoos, but they’d rather have pretty art than the markings underneath.
20. Do they consider themselves unloveable?
I don’t think they consider it much. They’ve never really loved or been loved, even in a family or friend sense, so it’s a new thing to them. They like having friends.
21. What is something that causes them great anxiety?
They get very anxious about doing the right thing, especially now that they’re with a group. They’re scared they will do something they think is right, and the group will judge them for it or think they’re cruel or mean.
22. Do they have any mental illnesses?
Probably some form of complex PTSD due to childhood abuse and trauma.
23. Have they ever been assaulted/abused/raped?
They were abused throughout their childhood by their parents, and by extension the organization.
24. Do they fear the possibility of being assaulted/abused/raped?
Not really. They can and will defend themself with deadly force.
25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust?
No, they didn’t have that sort of “trust” for most of their life. The closest thing would be realizing that the organization was bad, but that wasn’t really a betrayal of trust since it had always been bad, they just thought it was normal.
26. Have they ever been seriously injured?
Never too seriously, not all at once. At the compound they were injured only enough to hurt, not enough to stop them from working, and they’ve never been too badly hurt in battle.
27. How many times have they been in the hospital?
I don’t think there’s hospitals in this world? Even if there were the answer would be none because there’s no way they’d have ever had the chance to go to one.
28. Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them?
Authority. Also drug dealers.
29. Does what they cannot see scare them?
They would absolutely deny that it does, because it isn’t real and therefore doesn’t affect them. Sometimes they’re right and they can push through, sometimes they’re lying.
30. Have they ever been bullied?
Not really. Most of their peers were just as brainwashed as they were, and infighting was punished so no one really formed cliques or bully groups.
31. Do they have self-confidence or self-image issues?
No way. They think they’re the best, and self image doesn’t really figure into it.
32. Do they have a bad relationship with their parents?
Yes. Their parents were both physically and mentally abusive. Xenoc killed them, and probably several other people, by blowing up their house.
33. Have they ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out so well?
They’ve never been in a romantic relationship. Other relationships they mostly burned to the ground, until they met the party. Those relationships are still forming, slowly, but they’re pretty good so far.
34. Have they ever self harmed?
I don’t think it would cross their mind to do it intentionally. They sometimes do things recklessly that get them hurt, like burning their fingers on their gun, but it’s never really for the purpose of hurting themself.
35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?
Abstract? They’d want to change into being a “good person” as others see them. A more solid change would be to get rid of the symbols and markings the organization gave them.
36. Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them?
Their emotions are definitely more in control, but they have a smaller range of emotions since they’re young and very inexperienced with the world.
37. Have they ever had their freedom taken away?
They spent 13 years of their life with little to no freedom, and 11 of those not even realizing freedom was a possibility.
38. Have they ever been imprisoned?
Not in the traditional sense, but they were confined to the compound the whole time they were there, spending most of their time in underground laboratories.
39. Have they ever been accused of something they didn’t do?
Nah they probably did it.
40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems?
Very rarely. If they caused someone’s problem, they either did it on purpose, or don’t care too much, and if they didn’t cause it they aren’t likely to think they did. They’re a self centered kid at heart.
41. Do they get sick often?
Their immune system is actually pretty weakened and resistant to most medicines due to their long term drug exposure, but they don’t really notice when they get sick since they’re used to just working through it. They probably don’t think they’re sick even when they are.
42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life?
For the most part, yes. They love being free to do what they want, and the world to them is still a beautiful place full of adventure and possibility. They don’t realize how much they have yet to grow.
43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts?
They’re convinced that now that their parents are dead and they’ve left the compound, the past doesn’t matter. They wish they’d left sooner, and that they’d stayed with their friend Cara and been able to take her with, but they refuse to even think about the past most of the time.
44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t?
They want to be able to work more on their gun, and make more weapons and better weapons. It takes time, resources, and money that they don’t always have.
45. What is the emotion they most commonly experience?
Wildly split between joy and fury. With a pretty large portion confusion, as well. They actually are a pretty happy person, as long as they’re able to pretend problems don’t exist. In battle, they typically actually enjoy fighting. However, any negative emotion they have they pretty quickly convert into anger, which they’re more comfortable with.
46. Have they ever contemplated suicide?
Never seriously. Not beyond vaguely wishing they’d die while they were going through withdrawal. They absolutely want to stay alive and free.
47. Have they ever gone so far as to attempt suicide?
No. They’ve done plenty of reckless, life endangering things, but never with the intent to die.
48. Is there anyone that they would willingly kill?
Yep, and they have. Many times. Even before joining the party, they killed their parents along with many others in the compound by blowing up a large housing unit. Most recently, they put eight bullets through the unconscious body of a bandits who’d hurt one of their friends.
49. If [name] was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through.
Having to go back into someone’s control, or back under the thrall of drugs.
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answer all the ones you wanna
Thank you Anon!! It’s been a DAY and I’m glad to get my mind off everything I need to be doing to do this
“PUT A NUMBER IN MY ASK ;)”
1. Who was the last person you held hands with?~Becca2. Are you outgoing or shy?~Depends on the situation, if I’m with friends I’m much much more outgoing. In general it depends on my mood and type of situation, but it’s probably 50/503. Who are you looking forward to seeing?~Olu! It’s been so long and he’s so good4. Are you easy to get along with?~I don’t really know. I think I can be pretty easy to get along with, but if we differ on something important to me or I have something against you I’m a huge bitch5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?~If she wasn’t also very drunk then probalby6. What kind of people are you attracted to?~Sarcastic assholes7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?~Maybe/I suppose8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?~(This kinds implies there are two genders that are opposites and that’s not the case but I’ll pretend this says what guy) Zach actually because I forgot to venmo him9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?~Nope10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?~I genuinely can’t remember11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?~”Yay!! I’m reading your blog now actually”12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?~1. “Hall of Mirrors” - The Distillers~2. “Dancing in the Moonlight” - King Harvest~3. “Within You Without You” - The Beatles~4. “I Think You Nose Is Bleeding” - The Front Bottoms~5. “Trampoline” - The Front Bottoms13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?~Usually only someone I’m interested in14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?~Fuck yes I do15. What good thing happened this summer?~I went to Virginia Beach on vacation with my friends16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?~yeah17. Do you think there is life on other planets?~Yup18. Do you still talk to your first crush?~Oh hell no19. Do you like bubble baths?~I used to, haven’t taken one in a very long time20. Do you like your neighbors?~Nope21. What are you bad habits?~Oh we don’t have time for all of them, but: biting my fingernails, procrastination, isolation, drinking, smoking, in general bad coping mechanisms, etc.22. Where would you like to travel?~Europe!23. Do you have trust issues?~Oh hell yes24. Favorite part of your daily routine?~Laying down at night to go to sleep25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?~My thighs26. What do you do when you wake up?~Think about how much more sleep I can get without being late27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?~A little darker because this bitch can’t tan28. Who are you most comfortable around?~My close friends29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?~Ex’s? You assume more than one fool has made this mistake30. Do you ever want to get married?~Yea one day31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?~A little one but it’s sad32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?~Robert Downy Jr. and Halsey33. Spell your name with your chin.~ cy45isina (yikes)34. Do you play sports? What sports?~No I can’t sport35. Would you rather live without TV or music?~Omg that’s the nightmare scenario. I guess music36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?~Oh that’s practically my life motto37. What do you say during awkward silences?~I usually make a weird noise or something stupid to break the ice (like doing my Ben routine) or say something random38. Describe your dream girl/guy?~amazing hair, smart, funny, sarcastic asshole, ambitious, dedicated, responsible, reliable39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?~Hot Topic and Target40. What do you want to do after high school?~I mean I’m already doing it, college41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?~Not everyone, but most people42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?~Usually that I’m upset43. Do you smile at strangers?~Depending on my mood, yes44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?~Bottoms of the ocean45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?~Usually the fact that this bitch needs money, or my anxiety46. What are you paranoid about?~Oh everything, it’s mostly stuff related to my anxiety and insecurities47. Have you ever been high?~Yup48. Have you ever been drunk?~Yup49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?~I don’t think so50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?~Black and gray (because this bitch wears two hoodies at the same time)51. Ever wished you were someone else?~When I was younger probably52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?~My mental health status53. Favourite makeup brand?~Um what (this bitch don’t use makeup)54. Favourite store?~Hot Topic55. Favourite blog?~Actual blog: Eileen’s~Tumblr blog: So many but either slime-tony or color-me-erika56. Favourite colour?~Blue57. Favourite food? ~My mom’s mashed potatos58. Last thing you ate?~McDonald’s fries and nugs59. First thing you ate this morning?~Nothing lol, for lunch I had bonchon chicken and fries60. Ever won a competition? For what?~I mean I was valedictorian if that counts? So I guess I won for being able to take test and bullshit assignments 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?~Nope62. Been arrested? For what?~Nope63. Ever been in love? ~Yup64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?~Oh boy. I was in like preschool I think, maybe kindergarden, and me and this boy didn’t know what kissing was other than that adults did it and we were like yea sure this is normal so we kissed sometimes like under tables and shit and looking back super weird thing to do. I don’t remember the first kiss, but it was something like that. My first kiss as not a small small child was Alex I think and boy was that a mistake65. Are you hungry right now?~Nah66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?~(Tumblr friends are real friends) I don’t have friends specific to tumblr I think67. Facebook or Twitter?~Facebook68. Twitter or Tumblr?~Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?~Yup, FRIENDS70. Names of your bestfriends? ~I’d call them my closest friends, in no particular order: Eileen, Joe, Erika, Zach, Kim, Alex, Becca, Mars, Tiffany, Sloane, (I want to put Lex on this list too but we don’t talk as much so I don’t know if she sees me as one of her closest friends but I adore her)71. Craving something? What?~Not that I can think of72. What colour are your towels?~Blue, Green, and White72. How many pillows do you sleep with?~Usually 3 (Because they be flat boys)73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?~Yup!74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?~I got rid of most of them when I was younger (I have no idea why I did that I was a total idiot) but anyway no clue because my life is a mess75. Favourite animal?~Honey Badger76. What colour is your underwear?~You assume I’m wearing underwear77. Chocolate or Vanilla?~Ice Cream: Vanilla~Milkshake: Chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?~Banan-a-Peel'n79. What colour shirt are you wearing?~Again you assume I have clothes on80. What colour pants?~See answer above81. Favourite tv show?~SOAP82. Favourite movie?~Noises Off83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?~Mean Girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?~Mean Girls85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?~Damien86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?~Dory87. First person you talked to today?~My mom88. Last person you talked to today?~Eileen89. Name a person you hate?~Anna90. Name a person you love?~Tiffany91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?~Oh so many people92. In a fight with someone?~I don’t think so93. How many sweatpants do you have?~Like 4?94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?~5 hoodies? 4 sweatshirts?95. Last movie you watched?~Descendents 296. Favourite actress?~Betty White97. Favourite actor?~Jason Bateman98. Do you tan a lot?~Not at all99. Have any pets?~Sadly no100. How are you feeling?~Not great but I’m still here101. Do you type fast?~Not really?102. Do you regret anything from your past?~I regret a bunch of stupid things103. Can you spell well?~Not at al104. Do you miss anyone from your past?~Yea, sometimes105. Ever been to a bonfire party?~I was at a bonfire but I wouldn’t call it a party106. Ever broken someone’s heart?~Not to my knowledge107. Have you ever been on a horse?~Yes108. What should you be doing?~One of the many many things on the spring break to do list109. Is something irritating you right now?~Oh many things110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?~Oh yea111. Do you have trust issues?~I think this was already asked, but yes112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?~I can’t even remember, but I think Mars, Jake, and Arianne when I was high113. What was your childhood nickname?~Tina114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?~Yup115. Do you play the Wii?~I used to116. Are you listening to music right now?~Nope117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?~Yup118. Do you like Chinese food?~Fuck yes119. Favourite book?~This is a book by: Demetri Martin120. Are you afraid of the dark?~Yea121. Are you mean?~I can be122. Is cheating ever okay?~No, never123. Can you keep white shoes clean?~Nope124. Do you believe in love at first sight?~Yes I’m certain that it happens all the time125. Do you believe in true love?~Yea126. Are you currently bored?~A little127. What makes you happy?~being with my friends128. Would you change your name?~Maybe129. What your zodiac sign?~Gemini130. Do you like subway?~Occasionally (I like the way it smells more than I like the food)131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?~Tell them I’m sorry but I don’t feel the same way132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?~Again with the repeat questions133. Favourite lyrics right now?~”It’s fine, I’m fine, It’s fine”134. Can you count to one million?~I mean I suppose but at what cost135. Dumbest lie you ever told?~”I’m fine”136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?~Always closed137. How tall are you?~5′5138. Curly or Straight hair?~Straight139. Brunette or Blonde?~Brunette140. Summer or Winter?~Summer141. Night or Day?~Night142. Favourite month?~May or December143. Are you a vegetarian?~Hell no I couldn’t144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?~Milk choclate145. Tea or Coffee?~Coffee146. Was today a good day?~Not really, but it was ok147. Mars or Snickers?~Neither148. What’s your favourite quote?~”It’s gonna take a long time…and then it’s perfect”149. Do you believe in ghosts?~Fuck yea150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?~”I’m currently in the thick of the most confusing and terrifying time of my life” BIG MOOD
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87 Random Questions
I was tagged by @edwardtheloser because JJ just wants the world to burn. 💖💖💖
1. Where do you live? I currently live in Delaware...yeah, the tiny ass state everyone forgets about.
2. One cool item you own? I’m trying to think of something really deep and meaningful...I have a Texas charm with golden star on it that I wear with a cross on a chain around my neck and never take off.
3. Moon or stars? The stars (High key one of the things I miss most about Texas)!
4. Places you’d like to travel to? Either to London or to Disney...both are related to Peter Pan for reasons.
5. Favorite song? I cannot possibly pick just one song...music is everything. Praying by Kesha has me all sorts of in the feels right now.
6. Do you have any fears? I am afraid of so many things. I am afraid of the dark, germs, going into anaphylaxis, letting people down, not being good enough...I should stop now, right?
7. Do you feel different than you did last year? I mean I guess. The past year has been really bad for me, but I’ve just recently started feeling really hopeful about the future.
8. What is your race? I am white as white can be. I’m 75% Canadian (25-British, 25-Irish, and 25-French with a bit of Native American mixed in) and then 25% mystery that is most likely German or Dutch.
9. Pet peeves? People being assholes when they disagree with something and people smacking when they eat. (These two just stuck out, there are more, I’m petty as hell)
10. Any siblings? I have 3 sisters.
11. Are you a gamer? Only if The Sims and Dream Daddy count. Hand eye coordination is not there.
12. Sexual orientation? Pansexual Princess
13. Does a broken mirror mean bad luck? I don’t know, but I will steer the fuck clear!
14. What do you feel is your mental age? Depends on the day. Sometimes I feel like I’m sixteen some days I feel like I’m forty. There is no consistency.
15. How old were you when you started dating? My family was super strict, so no dating officially until after I went to college.
16. Where do you do most of your online shopping? Forever21 and Amazon.
17. Favorite animal? Bears
18. What’s one film from the 2000s that you like? Psssssh, so many. School of Rock and Mean Girls were my shit though.
19. What’s your favorite scary movie? IT. I am a scaredy cat, so the fact that I love this movie so much is amazing.
20. Fun fact about yourself? I convinced my 5th grade teacher that I had elaborately schemed to get rid of my baby sister when I was only three years old to avoid actually having to write a serious paper. I won a damn award for my story too.
21. Shoe size? 9.5 or a 10 in Women's.
22. Which fictional character(s) do you relate to the most? Junie B. Jones. She’s a real hero of mine. (JK, Stanley Uris and I are one in the same).
23. Where do you see yourself living in ten years? Philly, Boston, or Chicago. I need some excitement in my life.
24. Ever wore clothes that were just wayyy too tight? I mean I wore a corset around just for the hell of it the either night so....
25. What’s on your mind? How many stories I have in my queue to write and the fact that I am not doing that right now...whoops.
26. Are you religious? I’d still identify as Christian, but I have a lot of questions. I also don’t believe in pushing your religion on people, that’s an asshole move.
27. How tall are you? 5’8″
28. Favorite band? HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO PICK ONE??? Jesus, I’m going to see AJR in a few weeks so let me give them a shoutout.
29. Do you remember 2009? Yes. It sucked.
30. Cats or dogs? DOGS! You can fight me on this one @edwardtheloser they are freaking flawless and amazing.
31. Fruit or vegetables? Por que no los dos??
32. Do you want to get married? Yes. That would be nice.
33. Do you want children? I DO. So so bad. It’s a problem.
34. Flamingos or peacocks? Meh. Birds. (Only difference between me and Stan tbh)
35. What superpower do you wish you had? Telekinesis or Shapeshifting.
36. Are you a germ freak? Yes. I have severe food allergies and I break out when I touch the allergens, so I kind of have to be. Also, people are gross.
37. Did swearing baby, ghost car, or ghost caught on tape scare you as a kid? I don’t know what any of these are...
38. Do you prefer sweet or salty? Por que no los dos?
39. Tea or coffee? Give me all of the non carbonated caffeine.
40. Are you superstitious? Yes. I knock on wood. I won’t walk under ladders or on cracks in the sidewalk. I do counting things as coping mechanisms. I’m so bad.
41. Do you like stripes? Sure, but plaid is better.
42. Favorite shows as a kid? The Big Comfy Couch, Rugrats, The Wiggles, Doug, Arthur, Zoom...I liked TV a lot.
43. Favorite shows growing up? Lizzie McGuire, Boy Meets World, That’s So Raven, Sabrina the Teenage Witch...again, I liked TV a lot.
44. Favorite musical? I LOVE MUSICALS. Hamilton, Hairspray, High School Musical, Rocky Horror, Annie. All of them. RENT is my absolute favorite though, I bawled my eyes out when I saw it live.
45. Favorite movie? Inglorious Basterds, IT, and Goonies.
46. Birthday? October 1st.
47. Are you a grammar Nazi? Yes. It kills me not to correct people.
48. Ever gotten drunk? Hahahahaha. Yes.
49. Do you have a carrier bag? I switch between a small backpack, a big satchel bag and a small hot pink cross body purse. As long as my epi pen and wipes fit, I’m good.
50. What would you do if you were the opposite gender for a day? Some very NSFW things...I’m not sorry.
51. If you were the opposite gender what would you change your name to? Oliver, Ollie for short.
52. What song is stuck in your head? The Kids Aren’t Alright by The Offspring
53. Celebrity crush? Hilary Knight, Taron Egerton, Chris Evans, Hayley Williams, Joe Keery...so many. I love all the people.
54. If you could live in a non-English speaking country, where would it be? Sweden
55. Are you a good dancer? I try...
56. Have any allergies? Gluten and Dairy. Deathly allergic and people think it’s just a diet fad smh...
57. Any bad habits? Procrastinating and shoving my feelings down.
58. Ever broke a bone? Yes. My mom broke my leg when I was three, we fell down the stairs and if she hadn’t pushed me behind her and landed on my leg I would have gone head first into a brick wall. My mommy saved my life. 💖
59. Are you a city or country person? Both. I like the feel of the country with the convenience of the city.
60. Do you like your home country? United States of Go Fuck Yourself
61. Sunflowers or daisies? Sunflowers
62. Tulips or roses? Tulips, they remind me of living in the Netherlands as a kid.
63. Oak or maple? Maple. I’m Canadian, eh.
64. Disney or Nickelodeon? BOTH! I WILL NOT CHOOSE!
65. WYR be obese or anorexic? I’m in recovery for both anorexia and bulimia and have been since I was twelve years old, body dysmorphia since I was seven because I’ve been overweight my entire life, and this question can go fuck itself. Jesus fucking Christ. Those are serious issues not choices. Fuck.
66. WYR be over 6 feet or under 5 feet? Under 5 feet, I hate being tall.
67. Rubies or sapphires? Sapphires
68. Are you stubborn? I am so stubborn that it hurts.
69. Have you been in scouts/Girl Scouts? Yes! And I loved it.
70. What type of music do you listen to? Everything. I love music.
71. Favorite vine? Uhmmmm...I was never into vines...sorry.
72. Beaches or castles? Castles. Real life Disney Princess y’all!
73. Pick the closest book to you, and write the line you opened to:
"I mean, a superhero. My heart almost squeezes to a stop. Blue loves superheroes.” -Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda
74. Anyone in the same room as you right now? Yup. My mama and the dogs. Pip is sleeping on my lap.
75. Which is worse; throwing up or diarrhea? I mean I don’t love either...
76. Butterflies or lady bugs? I don’t like bugs...butterflies qualify as well.
77. Do you say “K” when you’re not mad? I never do this, because I am so cautious of how others will feel from it. You can’t take back hurt feelings.
78. How do you react when purposely scare you? I usually have some form of anxiety attack. My sister has made me cry and panic just from making me watch a YouTube video...I’m easy to scare guys.
79. Most overrated celebrity? Every Kardashian except for Khloe, I love her.
80. Do you have a globe in your room? No, I have a print of the world, but that would be so cool!
81. Do you have a dream catcher in your room? No, this would also be cool.
82. What do you see when you look out your window? Well it’s nighttime now so darkness.
83. Have you been on an airplane? Yes, I’ve been flying since I was a month old.
84. Do you believe in aliens? Yes. It’s stupid to think that we are alone in the universe.
85. Do you believe in ghosts? Absolutely. I don’t fuck with spirits, all respect.
86. Do you believe in God? I believe in a higher power, and I do still have faith in the Christian God, but I do have so many questions.
87. Do you believe in yourself? I’m working on it, y’all. That’s all I can say.
I am tagging randomly because I don’t know who has done this yet... @billbenbev @its-reddie-bitch @not-reddie @theriodiaries @demianhill @dannybriereisaliferuiner @thebroadstreetdarling @milagric and whoever else would like to do this, consider yourselves tagged! 💖💖💖💖💖
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tagged by @kokokysoo for one of those “get to know me” memes! (under the cut cuz its so long)
RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (idk how many people ill end up tagging and dont feel obligated!!)
THE LAST:
1. Drink: water but like i think my flatmates put vodka in the ice cube trays so?? not sure exactly how much is accidentally Not Water
2. Phone Call: uhhhhh a study abroad program advisor
3. Text Message: my older brother tryna convince me that i’ll make friends eventually lmao
4. Song you listened to: i actually stopped writing this to grab a sweater but then TT came on and i instinctively dance to it now so that happened
5. Time you cried: almost last night but like... not enough feelings to actually cry yet just wait
6. Dated someone twice: never even dated someone once, bro...
7. Kissed someone and regretted it: i never regret giving my dog kisses but sometimes my cat swipes at me :/
8. Been cheated on: gotta have a boyfriend first to get cheated on
9. Lost someone special: yup
10. Been depressed: only since i was 12 years old l m f a o
11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i hate puking so i never go past being tipsy
LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:
12. red!
13. millennial pink fight me
14. rose gold fight me again
IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends: yyyes but i sure would like to make some more Here, at my Current University
16. Fallen out of love: mmm not Love but definitely Like? i stopped Liking someone who i had a crush on
17. Laughed until you cried: so frequently it’s worrisome
18. Found out someone was talking about you: um did u mean middle and high school? i was such a petty bitch tho i put em in their places after crying in my room alone lmfao
19. Met someone who changed you: yes yes yes! dallon is the first who comes to mind he’s... no words
20. Found out who your friends are: ummm i dont know?
21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: ...my mom??? lmao
GENERAL:
22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them except a few who ive just added bc we’re all transfer students to the same university this year and im Desperate
23. Do you have any pets: yes!! 2 cats, Harry and Kai (shut up ok i’ve always liked that syllable in chinese) and one dog, Lady my perfect cuddle angel baby
24. Do you want to change your name: honestly... sometimes yeah? but only because it’s so boring when it’s translated into chinese/korean so maybe i’d just change my names in those languages idk
25. What did you do for your last birthday: probably just went out to dinner w/ my family, but when i got back to my old college my friends and i went to a store in Queens it was such a good day...
26. What time did you wake up: like... noon probably lmao #depression
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: rewatching exo next door and gettin emotional over ksoo
28. Name something you can not wait for: THE POWER OF MUSIC BITCH LESS THAN 12 HOURS NOW
29. When was the last time you saw your mom: a couple weeks ago when she and my dad helped me move in to my apartment
30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i didnt have fucking depression! anxiety is easy to deal with for me but depression isnt
31. What are you listening to right now: walk on memories
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i have a 2nd cousin named Tom he’s like 50 years old
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: ......so much
34. Most visited website: netflix/facebook/tumblr
35. Mole/s: one on my back, one on my neck, one under my left boob... i think that’s it
36. Mark/s: mostly bruises on my shins bc im clumsy; also some shaving scars from like 3+ years ago (one of em bled for 4 days while i was in china!)
37. Childhood dream: typical american kid stuff like ballerina and movie star
38. Hair color: medium brown i guess? it used to be lighter but it’s been getting darker as i get older
39. Long or short hair: i just cut it short again so it’s just touching my shoulders when dry (it’s wavy-curly so it’s a bit longer than that in reality)
40. Do you have a crush on someone: yeah can i have uhhhhhhhh byun baekhyun? no one irl tho
41. What do you like about yourself: ive got a great complexion that has really calmed down in the past few years! and i love my eyes ive got gorgeous eyes and a nice smile and a cute body and ive been doin self-love the past year can u tell?
42. Piercings: just regular ear piercings that i only got... a year ago...
43. Blood type: i never remember but maybe O? whichever one is the most common i think idk tho
44. Nickname: lulu is a nickname, ummm ive had a few friends call me em or ems which is cute
45. Relationship status: chronically single and repulsive to the male population, perhaps?
46. Zodiac: sun in pisces/leo rising (fun fact when i was little a kid asked me my sign so i said pisces and he called me fish poop so i cried) (he was probably a gemini the fuckin asshole), year of the tiger
47. Pronouns: she/her
48. Favorite tv show: pushing daisies, 30 rock, scrubs, grey’s anatomy but only up til the 8th season then it’s bad
49. Tattoos: i actually almost got one a few weeks ago but then i lost my job :/ i wanted to get “je ne regrette rien” tattooed on my hip bone real small
50. Right or left handed: right - i used to be able to write pretty well with my left hand but alas...
51. Surgery: yyyup wisdom teeth removal, eyelid surgery to get rid of some bumpy things, broken arm when i was like 1.5 years old, and im getting lasik next summer probably
52. Piercing: ya already asked ya doofus
53. Sport: my dad made me play basketball in middle school i got 2 technical fouls bc i had anger issues so i stopped playing basketball. i got Decent at ballet tho!
54. Vacation: we havent really had the money lately
55. Pair of trainers: i just bought 2 new pairs bc i ruined my only pair in seoul and had to throw them out (they got soaked in the rain and then mildewed n all) (side note: they’re so expensive?? the adidas and nike were as expensive as the new balance which is Silly so i just bought adidas and nike)
MORE GENERAL:
56. Eating: nothing rn but i need to go get dinner...
57. Drinking: did we not already go over this
58. I’m about to go: either to the dining hall or to a nearby restaurant im honestly not sure
59. Waiting for: exo to move in next door to me only to discover that one of them is my childhood best friend-slash-first love and another has fallen in love with me and my clumsy but lovable personality :)
60. Want: byun baekhyun (im kidding kind of, um i want to make friends here and be less anxious about my classes and life in general)
61. Get married: yeah one day but so far no one i’ve met is Vibing with that seeing as no one will even ask me out im not Super Hopeful :/
62. Career: chinese major/korean minor at a university um hopefully after i graduate someone will hire me and give me money to do something i dont completely hate but we’ll see
WHICH IS BETTER:
63. Hugs or kisses: i literally would not know so i will say Hugs because they’re the only things ive experienced! and i could use a really long hug rn
64. Lips or eyes: ...eyes... but lips r important too cuz i cant even look at a photo of amy schumer anymore w/out staring at her terrifying lips
65. Shorter or taller: taller but someone around my height would be ok too (.....im just sayin im like the same height as bbh...)
66. Older or younger: older bc im not about to go dating a freshman or a high schooler lmfao
67. Nice arms or nice stomach: arrrrrrrrms
68. Hookup or relationship: never had either but i think i’d prefer a stable relationship to some extent?? we just dont know
69. Troublemaker or hesitant: im a troublemaker when im comfortable w/ people/places but other than that hesitant
HAVE YOU EVER:
70. Kissed a stranger: no
71. Drank hard liquor: yeah it’s nasty :/ but it does the trick
72. Lost glasses/contact lenses: somehow no
73. Turned someone down: ya this one guy hit on me when i was walking thru myeongdong but he was a) a stranger b) 25 years old c) from egypt so like it was never gonna happen buddy
74: Sex on the first date: gonna need a first date before i can even answer (the answer would be no i am not down w/ that)
75. Broken someone’s heart: probably not, ill dont think im capable of doing that plus im still so young that realistically it just hasnt been a possibility
76. Had your heart broken: not really, my silly crushes have all been resolved easily bc i never talk about them and then i notice things i dont like about the person and stop liking them like that
77. Been arrested: no but a friend of mine got arrested for trespassing on a roof in nyc last year lmao
78: Cried when someone died: yeah
79. Fallen for a friend: sort of? briefly? it never went anywhere it was silly
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
80. Yourself: i try to most days but it’s rough
81: Miracles: i mean im not a non-believer but i also don’t actively wait for them to happen or really put much stock in them
82. Love at first sight: im not sure because bbh hasnt seen me yet so how would we know??
83. Santa Claus: not anymore i think when i was 8 i sorta stopped
84. Kiss on the first date: never even had a first date or a first kiss ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
85. Angels: um yeah actually! proof they exist - byun baekhyun do kyungsoo kim jongdae kim jongin the list goes on,,
OTHER:
90. Current best friends: dallon, lilli, ida, stephanie, aria!
91: Eye color: light green. i have Gorgeous eyes!!!
92: Favorite movie: a taiwanese movie called Secret, i rly liked ksoo’s movie Hyung, Chicago the Musical... there are more but im drawing a blank
i guess ill tag... no one but if ur reading this and u wanna do it feel free to say i tagged u! i love learning about u guys it makes me feel less alone
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20 Character Design Questions!!!
🕸 1. Who’s the oldest character of yours that you still use?
Oh, that would be Skarlet. I’ve created her in 2014 and she is still, like, the main character of my OC series. She’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll kick you in the face.
⭐️ 2. Who’s the oldest character of yours, defunct or not?
Probably Rober, but now his name is James. He is Skarlet’s father. I created him as a joke, actually, but he started to become so much more. Now he is very secondary because I’ve started to keep more focus on my teens OCs. But he’s still alive, people.
💡 3. Has creating a character ever made you realize something about yourself?
Yes. Actually, it wasn’t really when I created her, but Rose made me realize a few things about myself. She tended to follow her friends, not having an own opinion, and focusing on her dream (something I don’t quite do, but moving on). When they completely let her down, she realizes that she needs her alone time. That didn’t happen to me, but in any cases, it was building THIS lil story that I noticed how, sometimes, I’m way to attached to people. I want to be more independent, maybe someday, I think.
🦋 4. Any minor characters that have either taken over or branched off into their own stories?
John, oh my God, John. I made him “inspired” by an old friend of mine, he was… well, a dick. John was at first a total jerk, one of those lifeless fags who spend their whole day in the computer, writing shitty sexists speeches, 0 friends. He was supposed to be a web friend of Craig’s/Mark’s childhood best friend, but, as I created him, I started to attach to him and understand him. Man, he is my SON after all, I can’t just let him be a total dork 100% of times! So… that’s when I gave him a story, a will to live, problems, guilty pleasures… That’s when he really became John. Now he is one of my favs, and I regret nothing, he is super hot & indian tho.
🐲 5. Do you prefer to make human, animal, monster, or _____ characters? Why?
Human characters. Because, well, I don’t have enough creativity. JK, but I don’t know. Sometimes I turn my human characters into /FANTASTIC CREATURES/ in my AUs!! But, like, nothing that hasn’t already been done before. Mermaids, centaurs and even… wizards? Idk, some gay shit, don’t judge me.
🎨 6. When creating a character, do you come up with the visual concept or the written concept first?
Visual concept. I think the big majority of my characters started with a silly drawing. Some of them I created only to be another character’s partner, but they became SOOOO much more than that. Like Mark. I created him to be Terry’s BF only, now he is much wider than she is, that’s kinda… sad? Anyways, they don’t even end up together, so that’s just how things went, pals.
📌 7. Do you have characters that you know you’ll never use, but can’t bear to get rid of/recycle?
Yes!! I have a mahou shoujo series, actually. There are some big personalities in there, however I don’t embrace their story very much… I like to draw my girls, but talking ‘bout their story… no, I don’t think I’m ever going to write about them, I’ve got no patience for anime girls, yo.
💖 8. Is there a character that embodies your good traits, or traits you wish you had?
That character surely is Jeff. He has curly brown hair, really slick body, amazing personality and the best friends in the world (no, wait, I have this one as well <3 ). I’m too shy to express myself the way he does it, he is truly passionate for life even with all the shit he went through. However, just like me, he cares very much about the people he loves and shows it to them constantly, hugging them and doing other kinds of embarrassing stuff. He screams a lot, though, another thing we have in common AND I don’t think that’s bad at all.
🖤 9. Is there a character that embodies your bad traits? Several characters? Which ones and what traits?
Hey look, Rose again. I tend to be really… dumb when the subject is LOVE. I fall so hard for people sometimes that I totally ignore all the bad things that person has in their personality. I usually put my /CRUSH/ over a pedestal and treat him like a God, fuck, I just wanted to be like those tumblr girls who don’t give a shit. I’m really perverted when it comes to men and so does Rose. She’s a weirdo, I’m a weirdo and we fall for pretty faces, that’s the truth.
♨️ 10. Is there a character that explores your interests or fetishes (orrrr is that just all of you characters)?
FUCK THIS QUESTION IS SO GOOD, Daphne is EXACTLY THAT character. She is one dominant mommy and REALLY confident, something I wish I was. She has literally my dream man as a boyfriend, they’re really kinky and sweeeet, so proud of my babies. There are some big taboos around Daphne, but I’m not going to talk about this right now. She also has a BODY GOAL body shape, big thighs, thin waist, regular sized boobs… She’s my queen and I’m gay bitch SLAY.
✒️ 11. If you have characters that embody certain traits of yours—good or bad—has writing them changed how you view those traits? Has it affected you in any way?
Hoe literally the same question 3 times in a row are u fucking kidding me I’m not answering to this
💭 12. Do you fantasize about being any of your characters, or are you more detached?
Yes, man. I think it would be very good to be any of them, to be true. But… some of them have crippling depression, anxiety, borderline syndrome… pedophilia fetishes… schizophrenia… Okay, I fucked with them big time, happy? I like being me, dude, I just wanted to make out with some of them sometime.
🎵 13. Do you create playlists for your characters?
No!! But I’m working on it. There are several songs who remind me of my characters, creating playlists would be pretty neat, but I need time, SO MUCH TIME.
🎇 14. When writing for specific characters, is there anything you have to do to get into the right mindset?
Oh, it don’t really fits for “writing” but, when I’m drawing concepts I like to listen to music that reminds me of them!! It helps, I think?
🌻 15. Which character is your guilty pleasure?
I know I’ve already mentioned him here before, but who cares right? Mark is one handsome mother fucker. Although he’s violent, fearless and mostly emotionless? But also REALLY emotional? He’s confusing. I love drawing him, drawing his little cheek mark, his messy hair and sloppy glasses. I’d love to have him as a talk bud. All kinds of bad things happen to him like he’s cursed… maybe… maybe I would like to give him a hug.
🌩 16. Is there a character of yours who’s a real struggle to write/draw? Why do you think that is?
Almost all of them. I struggle hard when drawing Nath’s/Jeff’s/Terry’s/Stella’s hair and there are some characters like Craig who don’t even have a FUCKING HAIR CONCEPT, HIS HAIR IS ABSTRACT, YOU GUYS. My biggest problems are with their hair, actually, I don’t have any other BIG problems. Just body anatomy, but I’m working on it.
🔑 17. Which character is the easiest to draw/write?
Scott is definitely the easiest to draw, his hair is short and his bangs are also short. His head is round and simple, and there are freckles all over his pinky face. However, he is not that easy to write about. I sometimes struggle with writing in my characters voices, because some of them are REALLY DIFFERENT from me. So… it is not easy for me to write about any of them.
💎 18. Is there anything you really wish you could do, character-design-wise, that you feel is outside your current skillset? A concept that you wish you could pull off but are uncertain about?
There are MANY types of concepts that I wish I could be more skillful to draw. I enjoy drawing monster characters, but none of them became a OC. Maybe one day I’ll be able to pull one off. Right now, I’m just gonna chill.
🏆 19. What’s more important to you: visual design, unique personality, a trendy character aesthetic, etc? If you’re not sure, then what’s the first thing you usually nail down in a character?
I usually pay my first attention to the a e s t h e t i c of a character, so that should be it? Not only in appearance ways, also in personality, likes and deslikes and even kinks. I think they are all important when the CREATIVITY FAIRY comes, you know? So… I even try to see if one new character of mine doesn’t look so much like some older one, I would hate to have people hating on me because I can’t do diversity, fuck.
🎬 20. Do you ever plan to do anything (comic, animation, etc) with your characters? Or are you just happy to have them?
No man, I’m way too lazy to do stuff like this lol. I’m happy with them right now, but who knows? The future is uncertain. Have a good day.
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will you do all the questions on that ask thing???
Anon: I know you gave me this like months ago, but it's taken forever and I'm really sorry !!!!!!!!!!! Like honestly I've felt horrible every time I've seen this in my inbox! But at least I finally finished it!1. Any scars? I have a scar on my eyebrow from a surgery I had as a kid. I have a scar under my bottom lip from when I tripped on a carpet and my tooth went through.2. Self harmed? Technically no.3. Crush? Several. But nothing substantial because I never think I'm good enough for anyone and I don't deserve to like anyone. Also I try to not get crushes on anyone who I know won't like me.4. Kissed anyone? Some friends a long time ago while playing spin the bottle. But no, I'm like that shitty drew Barrymore movie, "Never Been Kissed."5. Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi6. Someone you hate? A coworker at Tops who is literally the biggest sack of shit ever. All she does is talk shit about me when I'm literally standing right there.7. Best Friends? I have several. My roommate had been one of my best friends for years and my other friends Danny and Ashley were and still are some of my best friends since college.8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs? I have done both. I drink constantly and have smoked weed once when I was drunk at my cousins wedding.9. What’s your dream job? I would love to be a book editor.10. Ever been in love? Yes and no???? I've had very strong feelings for someone before, but sometimes the idea of romance makes me so terrified that I can't sleep at night? 11. Last time you cried? Right now. I'm always crying.12. Favorite color? Sapphire Blue. But all shades of blue are amazing!13. Height? 5'7 1/2"14. Birthday? September 30th!15. Eye color? Brown16. Hair color? Black17. What do you love? Well I'm not sure. I love reading books and fanfiction. That's probably the only thing that brings me the most happiness.18. Obsession? Currently: The Song of Achilles.19. If you had one wish, what would it be? To get rid of heteronormativity and the patriarchy. 20. Do you love someone? Not romantically ATM. But who knows?21. Kiss or hug? I've never really been kissed so let's say hug.22. Nicknames people call you? Migs, Mike, bitch, asshole, gay23. Favorite song? Broken Glass by Sia24. Favorite band? Well she's not a band but Sia25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you? Being born.26. Best thing that has ever happened to you? The archiveofourown website being founded 27. Something you would change about yourself? My anxiety and probably being overweight28. Ever dated someone? No, too ugly to love I suppose29. Worst mistake? Well, one time I decided to major in mathematics because I'm good at it instead of language that I love.30. Watch the movie or read the book? Read the book.31. Ever had a heartbreak? Oh several times. I hate falling for straight guys.32. Favorite show? I literally love Parks and Recreation more than anything in this world.33. Best day of your life? I had a day where i slept for 20 hours straight.34. Any talents? I am a pretty fast reader. And I have a great propensity for putting my foot in my mouth.35. Do you wish you could ever start over? Yes. Every single day.36. Any bad habits? I bounce my knee a lot.37. Ever had a near death experience? One time I hit an ice patch while driving and almost ran into a oil tanker but luckily I swerved off the road and into a ditch instead.38. Someone I can tell anything to? No I have different facets of my life that I tell to different people 39. Ever lost a loved one? My grandfather died last year40. Do you believe in love? It's a love/hate relationship. 41. Someone you hate/Dislike? I answered something like this earlier. Please refer to my earlier answer.42. Are you okay? No. I had a bit of a psychological breakdown earlier where I realized that everything in my life is a hallow representation of a real persons and the only things that I can get happy about are fictional characters. I probably cried for about 30 minutes 43. Relationship status? Single and not-so-ready to mingle.44. Selfie? I can't post one here because I'm on mobile and idk how to do that but I will make a post right after this one with one!
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OneHunna Truths
1. I’m a terrible dancer.
2. While I was in Europe, I explored every old church that I could. Not for religious purposes. Mostly because I found such peace and beauty within them.
3. I’m not a nice person before my morning coffee.
4. I can’t sit normally. Usually I have to be curled up in a ball or have one leg tucked under the other.
5. I always crave fruit and sushi when I’m hungover.
6. I’m probably the most easily scared person on the face of the planet.
7. Don’t look for validation in other people.
8. Graduating scared me shitless. I always had a plan or next step, and for the first time in my life, I was just taking it one step at a time.
9. I wish I could be a pseudo-adult forever.
10. Whenever I get really drunk, I snore really loud.
11. I only have tolerance for very few people.
12. The last episode of Dawson’s Creek is the only thing that can make me cry.
13. I hate wearing shoes, but I love their aesthetic
14. I’m so lucky to have a friend like Daniel. He writes me motivational emails and makes the best playlists.
15. I constantly crave Panera salads.
16. Life is too short to drink shitty wine.
17. I fell in love with an Oxford boy in England.
18. I’m terrified that I peaked at 21.
19. I got finessed into buying an up-and-coming rapper $200 worth of polo while I was blacked out.
20. I get in fights with homeless people and overly aggressive males.
21. I’ve seen Matt Nathanson live 6 times, and met him three times. You could say he’s my favorite human being on the planet.
22. Post graduate depression is a very real thing.
23. I never text first.
24. Lots of people know me as a social butterfly, but in all actuality, I am a huge socially awkward introvert.
25. This past year has definitely been one of self-discovery and new experiences.
26. I don’t think I’ll experience any better years than the ones I spent in my undergrad at WVU.
27. The funny thing is, I was never supposed to end up there, yet that is the place where I became the person I believe I was meant to be.
28. I’ve worked at Gap for five years, holy shit.
29. I’m obsessed with getting my nails done.
30. I traveled to a foreign country for two weeks, didn’t tell my parents, and got away with it.
31. I’m still on a journey of discovering my own self-worth.
32. This dude who interned with me last semester tried to make out with me while I was blacked out eating a hotdog at Joe’s.
33. Fuck the Domain.
34. I’ve been trying to be more creative like painting and writing and shit. It’s not going very well so far.
35. Boys have cooties.
36. Stephanie Rochelle is the North West to my Penelope Disick.
37. Living in 813 has been my favorite living situation thus far.
38. My heart cannot fully express how much I adore my Evans Street boys.
39. Home would suck without Sarah and Coop.
40. I’ve done way more drugs than I probably should have.
41. I lost my phone in a club in London, and it was one of the most traumatic moments of my life.
42. Friends who have good taste in music are friends for life.
43. I failed all my classes while studying abroad because I would skip all the time to travel instead.
44. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss living in England. I miss all my friends so much.
45. I enjoy spelling out obscene messages on diy party banners.
46. Listen to Bodega Boys.
47. One of the biggest compliments you can pay me is saying you want to drink with me, and trust me, I get that a lot.
48. Mix orange juice with a 40oz. You won’t regret it.
49. Don’t worry, I’m still obsessed with wine.
50. Every time I go to Bent Willy’s, I black out.
51. Black Lives Matter.
52. Sometimes you just gotta dance it out to ‘I Wanna Dance’ by Whitney Houston.
53. I low-key wanna be best friends with Schoolboy Q’s cousin because all he does is drive around downtown LA and drink lean.
54. Lil B follows me on twitter.
55. Gin and tonic has become my drink of choice.
56. My parents illegally opened up my mail and discovered I had $5,500 worth of credit card debt.
57. I left Joe Mama’s to go hook up with a dude, and then came back to the bar an hour later.
58. One of the best talents I possess is being able to roll up a yoga mat perfectly symmetrical.
59. I fall in love with strangers daily.
60. I downloaded tinder for two weeks, but got rid of it because it was just way too much.
61. I wish I had enough money to go where I want to go and do the things I want to do.
62. I’m convinced that I am my biggest obstacle in life. No matter how much I want to achieve my goals, I often find that the only thing holding me back is myself and my fear.
63. My biggest guilty pleasure is BuzzFeed. Send me a quiz so I know it’s real.
64. Children are the strangest creatures on the planet. I can’t believe I ever was one.
65. I obsess over other people’s animals because I no longer have any of my own.
66. I just really fucking love food.
67. I’ll always wonder why I was never good enough.
68. Sometimes I wonder if Michael and Suzanne are aware that they gave birth to the baddest bitch in West Virginia.
69. I love reading my horoscope, no matter how corny they are.
70. Some days I feel like I would never be happy not being single. Other days, I kind just wanna get cuffed.
71. When, I eat pepperoni pizza, I pick all the pepperoni off first and eat it, then I eat the actual pizza.
72. I low-key think I have anxiety and depression, but I guess I’ve managed it pretty well on my own so far?
73. I feel like I can definitely feel energies around me. Like positive and negative energies. Uneasiness. Stuff like that.
74. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever have as good a group of friends than I have right now.
75. I crave financial independence. But it’s a lot harder than I ever thought it would be.
76. They say I’m the queen of Morgantown, and they’re not wrong.
77. More than anything, I just don’t want to lose my spark.
78. I love hanging out in libraries.
79. I’m not comfortable with staying in the same place for very long. I’m always looking forward to being anywhere different than where I am at any given time.
80. Shameless is probably the best show I’ve watched in a really long time.
81. I own an obscene amount of wine glasses, and none of them match.
82. Tumblr is my favorite form of social media. I don’t ever post anything, but I’ll spend hours reblogging stuff.
83. I only recently learned how to contour and do my brows. I love doing my makeup, but I suck at it.
84. Also, I fucking hate doing my hair. Mostly because I suck at that too.
85. I think my father is low-key ashamed of me because I’m anti everything he believes in.
86. And Suzanne is afraid to talk about politics in front of me because she’ll know I’ll come in with wild hot takes that make her uncomfortable.
87. So clearly I’m the only liberal in my family.
88. Don’t ever get a credit card. Or four. They will ruin your life.
89. But fuck capitalism, amiright?
90. I’m not good at dealing with confrontation.
91. The only channel on TV that’s worth watching is Viceland.
92. I honestly love being in school. It gives me a ton of structure, and I just really like to learn.
93. I don’t believe that “everything happens for a reason” bullshit.
94. I was meant to be a wine mom in another life.
95. “IDK I’m just out here” has basically been my life for the past six months.
96. At the end of the day we all just want to matter.
97. I never feel like I get enough sleep.
98. Student loans are the new housing market bubble.
99. I took me A LOT longer than what I wanted to write this. I started in August of 2016 and just now ended in February 2017, but I think you can definitely see the progression of my thoughts over those months.
100. Every year, these never get old. But sometimes it’s hard for me to come up with stuff. Mostly because it’s hard for me to be honest to myself. But if anything, you should always tell the truth, to the people you value most in life and yourself.
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1/9/2017
I'm what I like to call a Category 3 piece of shit human being. There's 2 other categories before category 3, like just genuine assholes, that type of deal. And then there's lots of categories after category 3, like criminals, and rapists, and murderers... And just even more piece of shit, completely useless assholes. i'm right in between that kind and just a normal kind, i guess average because i'm average at every other aspect in my life so I figure I'd be average at this Too. I think about Category 3 like the type of people who talk shit about everyone in the most hypocritical way. Like me. The kind who makes white lies to get themselves out of bad situations because they just have too many problems they constantly make for themselves, like me. The kind that loves people, really, but lacks the adequate knowledge on how to show it. The kind that are lazy, and unsuccessful, don't apply themselves, the kind that will probably spend their whole life on food stamps working at Walmart because they can't seem to fucking figure out how to get control of their life and motivate themselves. Just like me. And 3 is an uneven number, because fuck you. Nobody likes to help me with my mental health. I know, it's my mental health which means I have to take care of it. I'm a whiny, privileged millennial that can't do shit for themselves. I know. You don't have to tell me twice. Believe me, I know I feel privileged to everything. I know that I could do more, and that I NEED to do more and I can't seem to get off of my lazy ass to do it. I complain too much and I'm a hypocrite. But its...suffocating. Everything going on inside my head is so heavy, and big and smothering. Its dark, and terrifying, and so so loud. Overstimulating. Blunt. Irrational. Just plain Stupid but so, so, so convincing. It's like having two devils on your shoulders that teamed up to make sure every moment you're alive you feel like utter shit and you think it, know it, too. You believe everything they say. Depression- yeah, that's what it is. Anxiety too. I've never been officially diagnosed but its that kind of thing that just sits in your body and rots it from the inside out. I wish I could have a doctor tell me it officially so that way I could throw the papers in the faces of everyone I know as if its some kind of justification. It's not really... but I know its a contributing factor. I'm not sure where I'm going with any of this. Depression sits on your chest, not every day but most days. The days where it doesn't it lays in the back of your mind ready to welcome you back like an old friend. Sometimes its comforting too in a way I'm not sure how to explain. After some point the sadness is like a lull, at least you feel something at all. In a fucked up way, when I'm happy sometimes I miss it. I like to tell myself not to be too happy, or too excited, because if I am it invites bad things to happen to me and ruin my happiness. They usually do. Before anything comes around that I'm excited about, I have a mental conversation with myself. "You're excited," I'll say. "Yes. Very." "It's not a good idea." "I know." "So stop caring." And I do. For a while. It doesn't happen for long. Then anxiety comes around. She's a bitch But a comfort too. Sometimes shes wrong but usually she's right. She makes me care when I otherwise wouldn't, because depression makes me not give a shit about anything but anxiety makes me care about everything. She tells me everyone hates me and I agree She tells me I'll never amount to anything, and I won't. She tells me when I can't trust someone and that's sometimes really important. She reminds me daily that the hatred I feel for myself is justified. I can't talk to my parents. I've been being suffocated since i was 13, maybe 12, and a few times I tried to mention it, or ask for help. More than a few. I got told my feelings weren't legitimate or to just get over it. And I did get over it. By myself. For a while, but it always comes back again in full-force, like it or not, we're in this together. I've wanted to kill myself before. One day I took pills and went to sleep and I woke up the next day and cried. I think about killing myself sometimes. I do a lot actually. I lay awake at night and think about it, like it's always right there waiting for me if I ever need it and I drown in my thoughts about it. Sometimes it consumes every part of me. I feel like I've lost control of my life but at least I could control my death and how I die. I'm not really religious but I wonder if whatever was out there would be mad at me. I think about my family too. I love them and I know they love me but we fight and that love isn't always enough for me. That's selfish, I know. I think about my cat and how much I love her. Even though she's a cat I know she loves me too. And she would be sad and not understand why I left. I think about my friends. I don't have a lot. I wonder if they would miss me. I think no, they probably won't. And while I would hurt everyone for a while, or when they think of me, life goes on. People will laugh and smile again just without me. I said the depression is a lull... It is.. I'm too lazy to die. It would be too much effort. I don't have the energy. none of my life is my own. it revolves around everyone I care about. I love to know every detail about them because I can't have my own life. I can never shut up. I'm not a mystery. I deal out my life, memories, rare feelings like playing cards. I'm an open book. My friends don't need to ask to learn everything about me. I love when they learn about me. I love it when people know who I am, when they notice me. I'm not very interesting but I want to absolutely candy coat myself in any tiny bit of attention I can get my hands on. I'm not talented, or beautiful, but I could talk about myself for hours because.. It's all I can do. I don't have amazing stories but its one of the few comforts I have. It's shitty and annoying. I'm such a fucking attention whore. Everyone knows it too. Attention whore always feeling sorry for myself. I want to show everything to everyone. Sometimes when I do have feelings, like joy, or anger, god I want to talk about them. I want to scream them to anyone who will listen. I can't remember the last time someone told me they were proud but I want them to be proud of me? I realize theres no organization, no point, in anything i've written. Thats okay. Its who I am as a person. Fucking stupid I want help. I want to feel alive. I want to breathe again. The psychological pain is crushing. But I want to get rid of it. I want a therapist. I want medicine. I want to live. But nobody will help me. I don't do enough either but nobody will help me. I don't have money. I can't do it alone. I'm so tired of being alone. I'm SO. tired. of being alone. Holy fuck. I want to breathe.. please Is this a suicide note? I don't know. I just.. I want to feel again. And I don't know how...I just want to feel alive. I don't want the lull. I want motivation and happiness. I want to feel. I want to be successful. I want to show people I love them. I want everyone to be proud of me. I want friends. I want a life of my own. I want adventure and happiness and money and love and success and my family. I want everything I don't feel. I want to pray every night I'll get it because I don't know how to do it alone,,
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