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rebloged-content · 3 years

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Recommended Sanders Sides creators

Marry Christmas, everyone! And a wonderful December day to all of you who don’t celebrate Christmas, too. Let’s be honest right off the bat, though: I’m only using the date as an excuse to do this list anyways.

So. Throughout the time I’ve spent as a part of this wonderful corner of the sanders sides fandom over here on tumblr, I’ve often found a new creator and wished I’d found them sooner. It kind of makes me wonder who else I might miss. If you do to, here are a few creators I’d love for you to check out. You’ll probably recognize some of the names, if not all, but maybe you’ll find a new favorite creator here?

And to the creators in question, I really love your content. If you’ve made it onto this list, you’ve definitely cause one or two sleepless nights of reading for me, because who needs sleep if I can have this, right? XD Whatever you’ll find written next to your name is the impression you’ve left on me and… Well, just know that you’ve made some days of my life at least a little happier, all of you. And I hope to repay the favor by telling you how much I appreciate you releasing your content into this world… Well, repay the favor at least a little, I suppose.

Let’s begin, then, shall we?

@5am-the-foxing-hour Because this? This is who you go to if you want to read good Janus-content. You are in a mood to read sympathetic Janus? Wanna see the danger noodle just casually interact with other sides? Go to their short stories. I mean, “the cult”? Prime example of how to tell a story with impact in just a few words. 8 paragraphs, but boy did I read that one on repeat. Or “water spray bottle”, this one is fun, short and will make you laugh. An energy drink for the fander heart, so to say.

Then there’s their mafia-au, “there’s more in me than precious metals”. Six are out so far, and I adore every single word of every single part of this. Protective Remus, sassy Janus, angst, comedy relief, destruction, Roman-Remus-sibling-rivalry, braincell Logan, survival instinct Virgil, working together over a common enemy… This fic has it all, believe me. Take your time and read it, because you will read the entire thing in one go once you start. At least I did, and I didn’t even notice.

And their advent writings? Those had me squealing and jumping around in a way I will deny if anyone ever sees it. I don’t even know what else to say, they are fucking fantastic and that’s that.

So, yeah. Go check them out, before I start fangirling about them even more. You know my personal favorites now, so just go there. You won’t regret it.

Next up is @coconut-cluster. Ah, yes, Lexi. Lexi, whose uni-AU started as self indulgent and has become the loceit story on tumblr. We all know her, or at least most of us do, and we all love her too. And while I also drop everything I do at any point of time I possibly can once I realize the uni-au has any form of new addition, there are a lot of other fics created by her that you should check out as well.

Did you, for example, ever want a sappy prinxiety one-shot with the sappiness only being implied, a mutual understanding of “we’re-not-saying-we-care-but-we-both-know-we-do” born from joking reassurances and a not-a-date-nope-only-a-break? While that may seem to be a tall order, that is exactly what “before the sun goes down” is. Plus there’s ice cream. Or maybe you’re more of a logince fan? Do you want a fic where Roman isn’t the prince but serves His Highness? Do you like sincere talks while you’re procrastinating showing your face to the subjects you don’t really want to rule over? In that case, you really should read “Viva la Vida”. Careful, though, this one is so sweet you’ll probably get a toothache… There also is an analogical fic that I’ve enjoyed very much: “Cracks in the Ceiling”. I love it, because it’s just calm. Fears creeping up on you, thrown away by a trusted friend with a few words, just by being there and playing into the metaphors you head created this time around. It’s calm, and there’s not really a climax or anything, but it doesn’t need one. Because it’s just a glance into everyday life. It’s beautiful in its own right, really.

What I’m saying is, Lexi has a lot more wonderful stories to tell than the uni-au. It’s the most popular one, sure, and it’s one of her best works. But you really should check out her other fics as well. Lexi herself once said that she writs fics she’d like to read. I would figure it’s because of this, but her stories are mostly things you don’t really find anywhere else. Dynamics, stories, world building, all of those are aspects you may find somewhere else. But Lexi is just one of those people who see what they miss in a fandom and create it themselves, and among these creators Lexi is my favorite. She just has that certain skill that makes that approach to writing result in the most enjoyable reading experiences. Lexi’s fics are special, because they’re different, because they are authentic and you can feel that when you’re reading her work.

@djpurple3 is another talented individual I want to talk about. I have to confess, DJ is, as far as original content goes, almost exclusively locked in my brain with the fiction “I just keep loosing my beat”. 23 Chapters so far, one better than the last. It’s a bitter-sweet story following Remus and his children, after the bitch of a mother has been brought behind bars. Abusive piece of shit. Yeah, I don’t like her much. But the story is so full of love and support, everyone trying their best, everyone seeing how much the others deserve the world and wishing they could give it to them… Roman and Remus have a sibling-dynamic I would die for here, too. Patton is just the most adorable friend to Deceit - here Damion - Virgil is a precious bean, Logan is cute and the teacher we all wish he’d had ourselves and… god, I could keep gushing about this fic forever. I’ll stop now, though, before I’ll start spoiler things. Wouldn’t want to do that, especially since I really, really, really want more people to give this a go. It’s not underrated, I just think everyone who doesn’t is missing out by a lot, so… Go over there and read DJ’s fic right fucking now, if you haven’t already read it at least once. Thank you.

@delimeful, our wonderful lime-friend with a cute cat making a terrifying face in his header. First of all, there is the WIBAR universe, short for “Watch it burn and rust”. 5 chapters in act one, 4 intermissions (one of those with three chapters), one chapter of act two, as well as three extras and an au of this au called “the end of being alone”, and I’ve lost count of how many nights I spent reading those instead of sleeping like I should. (Or interacting with family. Or being productive. Or… It’s really a good story, okay?!) WIBAR is a deathworlder au. So a space au in which humans are regarded as dangerous deathworlders who can survive on a deathworld like earth. In other words, Virgil is the only human, and boy does that scare everyone around him. And the best part? You can feel the development, the shift in mentality regarding Virgil, feel the moment approach in which he isn’t a threat but a companion instead.

And, apart from the fic that inspired me enough to start writing “TINND!R?” over on my writing blog, there are a lot more amazing fics to read on lime’s blog. He wrote “How easy you are to need”, for example. It’s soft, it pulls at just the right heartstrings, it’s achingly hopeful and, god, the ending still has me in tears, even after the fifth - ? sixth? something among those lines - reread. This one’s a werewolf au, actually. Virgil is the werewolf, Logan, Patton and Roman are the humans.

Do you want yourself some of that pre-AA dynamic? I’d recommend “to taste your beating heart”. In this, Virgil gets separated from the rest of his group of vampire hunters and gets turned into a vampire himself, loosing his memories. And he’s “Anx” now, not “Virgil”, goddamnit! He isn’t their friend anymore, why don’t they understand that? Well, probably because they can still see Virgil’s old habits shining through. There’s a lot of tension, a lot of angst and a whole lot of frustration involved in this.

He also wrote some amazing one-shots. They’re mostly so well written that I’m almost sad not to be waiting on a continuation. There’s “the littlest mermaid”, in which Virgil goes to investigate a noise, finding a scared, tiny mermaid in need of help. In “community gardens” we have Remus being Remus, gaining the interest and friendship of the forest’s giant Logan. “Magical mutualism” tells the tale of a witch and a demon making a pact beneficial to both parties and opening the doors neither could have gone beyond alone. The way we’re all confused about our ships not actually having set sail yet comes to a hight in Virgil in regards to his friends in “amateur matchmakers”. And this is the point at witch I stop talking before I actually recommend every single one of lime’s fics instead of just my favorites as I had planed because I started to gush too much… XD

Let’s move on to @muppenthings. Mupp is an amazing artist and she created a giant mermaid au. There’s this one orca who’s just… We love her, but I actually don’t think she’s the brightest. I really, really love her, though. Virgil himself is being a little protective over his human friends and casually so. I love this comic series for the art style, but I also love the way it makes me crack a laugh at least once per work. Or appeal to my mother-instincts, if it’s about baby Virgil. Too cute for his own good, I tell ya! And the facial expressions! The detail, the jokes, everything about this is wonderful. You should at least take a look.

@whenisitenoughtrees. Cat got me with “This cup of yours tastes holy (This lie is dead)”. “A slow voice on a wave of phase” was next, later “Infinity and beyond”, “we are not alone in the dark with out demons” and “changing of the guard”. And then, suddenly, the night was over. I’ve read almost all of the fics in one go, and I’ve been semi-frequently visiting her master post ever since. When “There’s an endless road to rediscover” came out just a little while back, that lead to me re-reading through almost the entire list. I don’t regret it, my plans for that weekend would like to disagree.

These six fics I mentioned here are, by no means, the only ones I enjoyed. Those are just the ones I’ve found myself opening up again and again in sleepless nights. Those are the ones that pop up in my head and have me smiling to myself in the middle of god-knows-whatever-I’ve-been-doing-at-the-time.

Angst, fluff, hurt-comfort, you’ll find everything in that list. And something I’ve grown to like about Cat’s fics even more than anything else is the quick change between feeling perplexed, a startled laugh at certain wordings (you’ll know what I’m talking about when you see it) and apprehension. These fics will have you at the edge of you seat, swooping you away on an emotional roller coaster. And, god, the way Cat writes from Remus’ perspective? The introductions of her stories and the way she redirects to the main topic after going into detail on something? I saved a few paragraphs as screenshots on my phone because I love them and I want to read them again when I’m down. I just… Cat’s great.

Next up is @eliemo. Because Elias Virgil is the royalty of Virgil angst. From the touch-starved Virgil we’ve all had a head cannon of at one point in “Heart of Ice”, over ace Virgil panicking over telling his boyfriends that he his ace and didn’t think to tell them before in “Love our way” to so, so much more.

Mostly EV follows the story arc of an underlying feeling of dread at the beginning, which slowly grows into panic, exploding in a storm of angst and concludes in everyone, or at least whoever is around, coming to the rescue and helping to calm down, with the end being the hope for getting better in the future. They always manage to convey the confusion, fear or just the general thought process so well that you can’t help but get absorbed in the story. They know exactly what to say and what to leave between the lines to get the maximum effect. And, your heart will definitely be shattered after their angst. Still, the way the sides comfort each other and support each other so well every time is just… I love their stories, a lot.

I want to make two more suggestions if you want to check out this creator. A Janus angst fic, which can only be described as “ouch” you’ll find under the name “snake bite”. It hurts in the best way possible, because Janus gets the comfort he deserves.

The other suggestion gets a lot darker. It’s about Virgil having been abused by the “others” before he got accepted into the light side. The others are shocked to find out what has gone on behind their backs and they help Virgil in every way they can to recover. Of cause it’s a rocky path, though. This would be “Learned Behavior”. The series/au has twelve stories so far, one of which has two parts. You’ll find the master post for this pinned to the top on their blog.

If you like angst, you should also give @maybedefinitely404 a look. Ly has a soulmate-au going, in which they use the concept of “you hear the music your soulmate listens to”. "Music in my head” is a prinxiety fic, but the two of them have yet to meet. Four chapters and two mini-fics in. The reason I mentioned angst is because in this - spoiler alert for the first few chapters here - , Virgil gets put through conversion therapy. Luckily Janus and Logan are better foster parents than the ones who did that to him.

They also have a master list for all their soulmate stories, featuring different ships. Apparently they participated in soulmate month, if I understood that correctly. And to be honest, that was how I even found their account. I absolutely adore their anxceit fic, which takes place in a human au. It’s starting off pretty sad, but the bonding moments are absolutely wonderful. It’s a lovely story, and the ending is one of the best ones I’ve yet to read. Their logince fic took my breath away, too. A flower shop/tattoo artist au, and Logan is the tattoo artist. Stunning writing, wonderful world building, just the right amount of backstory to have everything make sense without overwhelming/drowning the reader in unnecessary details. Their moxceit fiction… Well, this one had me in tears within the first few paragraphs. It’s terrible and you feel for Janus, whose perspective this is written from. The ending, though… Gods! The ending was so indescribably cute. To be honest, all of the soulmate stories are great, these three are just my personal favorites.

Concerning their one shots, you’ll probably have to figure it out on your own concerning this. I haven’t been able to read all of them yet, as sad as that makes me. Definitely palling on doing it in the future, though. I did read two of them, though. “Pippity poppity” really was amusing, and I am so looking forward to the second part of “The Boy who sings next door”. The way they write the dynamics between the sides? I live for that.

Another creator I would like to recommend is @maybe-im-tired.They don’t have a master post, as far as I could see, but they only post their content anyways, so… “Can’t take my eyes off of you” is my favorite out of their fics so far. I mean, the way they managed to fit the sheer chaos that is intrulogical into this one short fic is amazing. And you could take about two thirds of what Remus said and put it up on your wall as out-of-contexts-quotes. Don’t worry, he says them out of context anyways, and they will definitely make you laugh.

The series of short stories for the human au that starts with “Glowing stars” is another au by them that you will almost certainly like. We have Logan and Virgil as kids (about 7 I think), Remus and Patton as single parents, Roman as the most adoring uncle, Emile as babysitter and Remy as his amazing partner. Remus is a great father, wonderfully chaotic as well. And a teacher! Imagine that, Remus as your teacher... He’s great with kids though, as long as they aren’t entitled villains come to make his precious Virgil feel bad, that is.

They also wrote a bunch of “random one shots”. They are all amazing, but my favorite has to be this one. It’s a logince one, once again human au. Patton may or may not tell his big brother’s crush about the feelings he wasn’t prepared to share yet. You know, as small kids do. It’s soft, it will make you smile as much as Logan does, and I love Remus in it. I generally like how they write Remus, okay? I know how much I’ve said it, but I’m not even exaggerating. They always write him differently, and all versions they write him as are so, so lovable and just… I wanna hug the life out of all Remus versions they wrote, okay? Take a look, you’ll know why.

Anyways. Let’s continue with @figurative-siren-song. This is the last account I’ve followed and I’m still sad about it having taken me this long to find them. Little salty, to be honest. (I’ll stick to they/them because they said just not to use she/her, and, well… consistency, you know? Don’t have much, so I have to get what I can XD). When I finally did find them, I went through their entire master list (at least all of the ships with characters I actually know. I’m kinda bad with the shorts characters, so I usually just… avoid them? Idk. Personal preference, I guess), and, well… I would honestly recommend every single fic on that list. They call themself “Repair Fluff King™️” and they deserve that title. But when they warn you that a fic will be angsty, it will be angsty.

I found them through the anxceit fic “A Deal”. Well, through an animatic by their friend on youtube that had linked the fic, but details. I’ve been reading this fic up and down again and again. It’s just so good! And when they talk in the second part and Janus explains why he proposed that deal. Or in the continuation, which i can’t talk about because I will probably spoiler things! So wholesome!

Also, their losleepxeity fic “We’re worth it”. So soft! The nicknames, the plot, the everything. It’s softer than clouds look, and we all know that means something.

But, really. Everyone will find something for them by this creator. So many ships, all incredibly well written, and soft and fluffy without getting boring in the slightest. It’s as energizing as coffee, actually. And, let’s be honest, this whole fandom drowns itself in angst most of the time. Take a break from that, repair your broken hearts with goof fluffy content that you’ll want to read over and over again. Go check this creator out. You will love them.

Last but not least… @myfriendsasthesides A blog by a creator who just takes the wonderfully chaotic dynamics of a friend group and using that to give us content of incorrect sides quotes. Maybe it doesn’t fit with me going on and on about fics here. I don’t care. Follow them and turn on those notifications, please, because seeing even one post of theirs on your dashboard will make your day. It’s funny, it’s absurd, it’s chaotic, it’s making you jealous of them for having friends like that. Believe me, you will want to see those posts. It’s just… the random shots of serotonin and dopamine out generation needs really fucking desperately 100% of the time.

That’s it with the list! Eleven creators I absolutely adore, and I’m sorry I was babbling so much all the way through, but… Well, actually I’m not sorry. And actually, half of the reason I even made this post is to tell them how much I love them and fangirl about them a bit. So… Yeah. Well.I love you guys and hope you’ll have a wonderful day! And to everyone else reading this: I hope this helped you ind some new creators you can enjoy. And a good day to you too, of cause.

Sincerely, Joy 🖤

(@joylessnightsky/@sanders-sides-fic)

#I hope it's okay to you I just went ahead and did this #if you don't feel comfortable with this or anything written in here feel free to let me know #also no I didn't check the spelling #I'm too tired to do that anyways #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #recommendations #list

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tallmadgeandtea · 4 years

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Far Side of the World

Hi! So, this is one of my favorite scenes I’ve written for SS&SP, but like most of them I am not sure it will fit in the actual published fic, but I really enjoy it, and I hope you do too! Let me know if you like one shot kind of things, cause I could totally write more of them! This one takes place around March 1778, or about a month into Ben and Liz’s secret relationship. Thanks for reading!

SS&SP spoilers under the cut!

It was spring, and she was on top of the world.

It was spring, and the valley was alive, resurrected, slowly blooming and blossoming after months of winter. The snow was melting away, defeated by the sun’s return, its long awaited arrival. It brought rising temperatures, it brought a gentle breeze instead of a biting, howling wind.

The screams turned into birdsongs. The grass was wet with early morning dew, gone was the frost, the crack underneath their boots as they trudged up the hills, through the miniature mountains of snow.

The sun was high in the sky at all hours- it stayed for as long as she wanted it to be, it was there to greet her in the morning and when she left the camp, said goodnight to her soldiers, as they got ready for later evening patrols. She had more hours to ride, more hours to spend there. She didn’t have to be home before dark. The sun was reliable. It had to apologize for being gone for so long.

It was spring, and she was at the top of her game.

The soldiers respected her, they called her by her name, they bowed their heads and took their bread with a smile. Washington received her reports, the inventory. They sat at the top of his desks every morning- she knew he had Hamilton check the math, check the numbers, see if she stumbled, see if she made a mistake, wrote something down incorrectly, forgot to add or subtract.

But they were right- everything was right, falling into place. The puzzle was coming together, the problems were being solved. She didn’t have dreams, she didn’t have wishes. She had problems she wanted to see solved- the beginning stages and the final solutions, and the feeling when it was tried and true, when it was perfect.

It was spring, and she was had him.

He rode in front of her, high on his dapple gray horse, his helmet shining in the sunlight, his sword swinging at his side as he turned onto the familiar, beaten path. She only needed one escort- she could handle herself, she said. If anything, an army of Dragoons leading her home looked suspicious. She had nothing to hide.

Nothing to hide except him.

Except his heart sewn onto her sleeve, except the way he called her name when they were alone- Elizabeth, he whispered in her ear as the door closed, as they stood in his tent, and a look flashed over his face, softness and happiness, a joy she’d never seen him wear before. Elizabeth, he said as he walked over to her, moved the hair out of her face, stroked her cheek. Elizabeth, he sighed as he bowed his head, walked towards the door, as he started to leave, to go back to where he came from. To where he belonged.

Except the things he told her- his thoughts, his hopes, his memories. Memories of Setauket, a world away from Philadelphia, a sleepy seaside town surrounded by saltwater and swamp. He told her about his friends- he told her about the ring. But to him they weren’t spies, they were his family. Caleb and Anna and Abraham. He told her about his family, his father and brothers. “Issac would like you,” he said. “You’d leave him flustered.”

“How so?”

“You’re prettier than any of the girls in Setauket.”

He only talked about New Haven in passing, before he fell asleep- and he never mentioned names, only vague memories, pieces for another puzzle.

But it didn’t matter- anything showed her she mattered, showed her he wanted to tell her something, he wanted to bring her closer, he wanted to pull her in.

And she would let him.

She already did.

It was spring, and she had everything.

She had warm weather and sunshine, she had friends, a family, a purpose. She had him.

“Benjamin?”

He didn’t stop, looking over his shoulder, the plume whirling as he faced her, the white horse hair cascading down his back. He squinted underneath the visor, “Yes?”

“We aren’t far from home, are we?” She asked.

Of course we aren’t. You know the answer, Elizabeth. You know all of them. But he doesn’t.

“I do not think so,” he paused, glanced up at the trees, slightly leaned forward in his saddle to try and make out the rest of the road, “Why? Do my Dragoons take you a different route? Do you have to stop?”

She shook her head, “No. I was just wondering if we could pick up the pace.”

“Oh?”

“My mare is growing reckless.”

She could see his smirk from where she was, “Oh, is she?”

“She hasn’t ridden in a long time.” Elizabeth replied. “She’s used to carriages.”

“And what are you suggesting?” He asked.

She took a deep breath- hold onto the reins, and don’t look back. Only look ahead. And run.

“A race!”

The mare whinnied as Elizabeth kicked her side, and suddenly Benjamin was behind her, hidden behind a veil of dust. She caught a glimpse of disbelief, shock and surprise.

And then, Benjamin’s calm canter transformed into a gallop.

“Miss Walker!” He shouted.

“Oh, don’t call me that when we’re alone, Major!”

She reached the turn before him, heard him swear under his breath- she was getting further ahead, she had thrown him off his guard, off the course. Did she always have a way of doing that? Did he know it was vice versa?

“What do I get if I win?” His voice was distant, overpowered by the sound of hooves beating against the dirt, horses breathing and panting.

“A kiss!” She yelled- as if he wouldn’t get one regardless, as if she wouldn’t give him whatever he wanted.

That motivated him- she heard him grunt as he sped up, told the horse to go faster. Seeing Benjamin ride was rare- horses weren’t allowed in camp, he was always walking, either to headquarters, to the woods, to the dragoon’s tents. She loved seeing him ride- he looked at ease, confident, daring and dashing. He looked like a soldier, a spymaster. He looked important.

What did he see when he looked at her? Did he think of her as one of his spies? Another plan of his? Another thing to worry about?

Did he know he had her?

Just as she had him?

Don’t think about that, Elizabeth. Think about how much fun you’re having, how happy you feel, how fulfilled you are. Think about the wind in your hair, your skirts and feet flying.

She was soaring- she had been soaring this entire time, but it was disastrous, she was simply waiting to crash, she didn’t know where she would land. Did she now?

No, but she knew where she was going.

She was going home.

And he was following her.

Behind her, closer. And he was laughing, the sound traveling through the air like a melody, like the roar of the fifes and drums, like a chorus. It was sweeter than music, it was lighter than the bird’s cry and the river’s running.

“I thought you would be faster!” She called back to him, “Your regiment has light in its name, Benjamin!”

“I’ll have you know I’m the fastest dragoon, Elizabeth!”

“Then prove it!”

The clearing before the driveway was in the distance- she could almost smell the garden, the fields and the farm. Going home was always the worst part. Standing in the foyer, Mary waiting to take her cloak and wet shoes and socks as the soldiers disappeared down the road, turning into little specks as they dove into the darkness.

But now, there was light.

It was spring, and she had everything.

It was spring, and she won.

She came to a stop in the clearing, in the sight of Walker manor, in the sight of her home- could she call it that anymore? Had it lost that feeling? The warmth in her chest, an invisible blanket over her shoulders. Where had it gone?

What had she given it to?

Benjamin.

It was spring, and she had him.

He finally arrived, breathing as heavily as his horse. He shook his head and inhaled a sigh, but he was grinning, beaming, shimmering. “I lost,” he said, matter of fact.

“Yes,” she nodded, “you did. But, you may still get a prize. Come here.”

He dismounted, and he walked over- she could’ve sworn the world slowed whenever he walked into a room, whenever he came into her view. It slowed when he walked into the woods after a raid, it slowed when he walked into Washington’s office. It had slowed that night, the first time she saw him- in the mist of chaos and pain, disaster and destruction, he was slow. He was the center of it all.

Benjamin picked her up, and he kissed her.

It was spring, and she was in love.

Love, a trivial, remarkable feeling. She had heard of it- in the way her father talked about her mother, wistfully and painfully. She had seen it- in the way certain couples looked at each other at the balls, as they danced the night away, spent it in each other’s arms. She had thought about it- would she ever have it? Would she ever be able to put the puzzle together herself?

Was love a problem to solve?

She didn’t know.

But it was real and it was tangible, and somehow she had gotten her hands on it. Somehow she deserved it.

It was spring, and she had everything.

“I wish we could stay like this forever,” she whispered.

Benjamin sighed, “I know, and I’m sorry.” His hand delicately ran through her hair, placed a kiss on her forehead. He held on tighter- she felt his grip through her coat.

She had everything.

Everything until he had to leave.

Until he had to go wherever the war called him.

Wars didn’t build homes.

War only destroyed them.

“I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Major Tallmadge.”

But she wanted to stay like this, in his arms, head on his chest, for just a moment. Just until the sun sank deeper into the sky. Just until Mary called her name. Just until it was nighttime, and she was alone.

When she only had herself.

“I’ll be here first thing, Elizabeth.”

Benjamin kept his promises.

She knew he would give her anything she wanted.

If the war gave him anything, he gave it back to her.

#this was a fun one!#god I love them #the title is from a scottish song #anyway #look at how annoying they are #i want what they have tho #those last two lines make me SCREAM #The Summer Soldier and the Sunshine Patriot #SS&SP #Benjamin & Elizabeth #otp: first thing in the morning #turn: washington's spies fic #turn amc fic #benjamin tallmadge #amanda writes #SS&SP spoiler time cause i said so

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abeautifulblog · 4 years

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12 and 6 for the writing asks?

Yassssss~

12) My favorite place to write is our courtyard patio:

We live in the literal desert, so it gets too hot to be out there during the afternoon, but it’s lovely in the mornings and the evenings, and I’ve got my chair set up with a little rolling desk I built for my laptop. It’s also enclosed, so it’s safe for my blind & stupid cat to come enjoy the outdoors with me. (No really, I love her but she’s an idiot and also completely blind.)

(And yes, I gave Gene my own hobby when I wrote him as a gardener.)

6) Hardest story to write: haaah, I think you guys can probably guess the answer to this, based on which installments took the longest to get out – “Bodies in the Lake” and “Love Like Light.” And the common denominator there was making those nerds bone.

So yeah, now that I can finally talk about what was going on behind the scenes – why did those take so long?

Part of it was just that as the fic came to an end, there were fewer things left to write, so if I got stuck on one thing, there was really nothing else for me to work on in the mean time. “The Old College Try,” for instance, had been in the works since “This House,” but when I was blocked on it, I could put it on the backburner and write six billion remixes of the bake sale instead.

So after the Thanksgiving chapter, when they finally clear the air about Robert’s mental illness, the next item to check off the list was “nerds get sum fuk” – and I really thought they were ready to get down to it. I was planning a comedy romp at a bigfoot-themed ski lodge that would end with them hopping in the sack. I thought their issues were resolved already.

And then it just.

Wasn’t.

Happening.

Was the setting wrong? I’d chosen to put them on holiday as way to shake up the scenery, get them out of their usual (sexless) routine and perhaps embolden them to try something new. Should I have left them at Gene’s house, where Robert feels safe and comfortable? But then what’s the catalyst that makes them do it NOW, when they haven’t done it BEFORE? What makes Robert decide that now is the “right time”? How do I signal to the readers that it’s okay for them to have sex now, when earlier (like in “Ghosts in the Attic”) it would have been disastrous?

But yeah, I had been trying to make them fuck since chapter 18. It’s why that chapter is shot through with sex, why Robert has a boner for basically the entire first half – and not in the freaky-dissonant way that he did in “Ghosts in the Attic,” but as a natural, healthy reaction to his beloved boyfriend rubbing up on him in slinky yoga pants. It was to telegraph that sex is on the agenda, so that it wouldn’t be coming out of left field when they consummated at the end of the chapter.

It’s why the working title for “Bodies in the Lake” was sex_happens.doc – until it became clear that sex wasn’t going to happen. That the issues raised in “Ghosts in the Attic” were still completely unresolved. Indeed, Gene still didn’t even know those issues existed.

Gene is very good at handling Robert’s crises when it’s something he’s been through before with Alex – but when Robert steps off-script, Gene’s suddenly winging it, and it shows. Alex had a lot of sexual partners in the past too – as people who are outgoing and bisexual and dtf often do – but he never did Robert’s brand of self-destructive, self-loathing promiscuity, and so Gene has no understanding of the psychology behind that behavior, or why it’s different from Alex’s form of slutting around.

And then Mary was supposed to just smack some sense into him and shove him back into Gene’s loving arms, but holy shit, did that conversation get derailed. And as an author, when a character looks you in the eye and says, It’s time to talk about this, you let them talk.

That was when my housemate-beta, who’d been there for all my agonizing over how to make them fuck, said, “You have to break this up into two chapters. This conversation here, it’s the emotional climax.” And she was absolutely right, but that’s why the sex got delayed another year. 😫

(I had not, going into that chapter, intended for them to have that conversation. I thought I was showing their character growth in the gym scene at the beginning, which features a number of deliberate callbacks to the first chapter except for all the ways that they’re healthier now, drinking smoothies instead of mimosas and actually TALKING about feelings. I had not realized they were going to DOUBLE THE FUCK DOWN on character growth later.)

So that was “Bodies in the Lake” finally out, after only eleven months (and I do consider that chapter a conscious bookend to “Ghosts in the Attic”), but I still had yet to make them fuck.

(I feel like some exotic zookeeper – like, I have created the perfect conditions for you, have I not, so why won’t you two just fuck already??)

Because it’s not just about being horny and wanting to get their rocks off (anyone with a sex drive knows how to take care of that on their own), it’s about the profoundly intimate connection that sex can be for sexual people. (The misunderstanding around this is something I find distressing in asexual discourse, when it reduces sex to a one-dimensional, even selfish, urge. I understand that not everyone experiences sex the same way, but there’s nothing selfish about wanting to feel that kind of connection with your partner.)

Not to mention that the hard ban on sex would inhibit other forms of intimacy too – that Robert can’t do ANYTHING without part of his brain keeping track of whether it’s okay or not, worrying how far is too far, knowing that there’s a stopping point coming up. It feels analogous to how queer celebrities, before they come out, seem to have almost no public personality whatsoever – Anderson Cooper and Kristin Stewart are the ones who come to mind here – because they’re having to police themselves so stringently lest anything ‘kinda gay’ slip out, that they wind up clamping down on themselves far beyond that. (And then when they do come out and are free to be themselves, it turns out they’re smart and snarky and all-around cool people!) I feel like after the sex barrier’s been broken, Robert would become a lot more relaxed and uninhibited with non-sexual intimacy too.

I’d had the first half of that chapter written for ages – the conversation after Robert comes back to the house and he explains that period of his life to Gene – but I couldn’t seem to give them that final push. I made a lot of attempts, tweaking my approach in subtle ways, but nothing quite rang true.

It was my friend Sam (dude who wrote the Craig fic) who finally said, They need to fight.

(And also that Gene needed to get pushed off his pedestal – “Because I have BEEN that endlessly patient and supportive boyfriend, and it gets old.”)

And as soon as he said it, I realized he was right – I’d done the thing, the thing that every guide on writing sex tells you not to do, which is to neatly wrap up all the characters’ interpersonal issues and tie them off with a bow and then let them fall into bed. It’s what feels logical, but it is death to drama, because then there’s no tension, and no reason for the reader to pay attention during the sex scene that follows, because there’s nothing going to be accomplished in it.

…Buuuut, when I’d spent 100k words writing a love story about careful consent, and a protagonist who doesn’t have a good handle on his own desires, there was no way for me to let them barrel through sex on a full head of passion and talk about it afterwards. It’s why they had to stop halfway through and dial it back a bit, touch base and explicitly confirm that yes, I want to proceed, bring them back from the edge for a while so it clearly wasn’t just their downstairs brains doing the decision-making.

The result is that it’s not as sexy as I might have hoped for, and while I’m a little disappointed about that, it’s checked by the knowledge that – realistically – there’s no way it could have been. Scorching hot sex requires the participants to be uninhibited, and Robert and Gene can’t afford to throw caution to the wind when they’re venturing into a known minefield. They’ll be able to relax into it later, for sure, but for their first time, they had to be mindful and deliberate about it.

(And also hearkening back to a thought Robert had in “Ghosts in the Attic,” that he wanted to make Gene smile and laugh during sex. In essence, that his vision for them, what he wanted out of sex, was more for it to be intimate than for it to be hawt.

Ah well. Stay tuned for the hookup AU – basically, all the scorching-hot sex they weren’t having in Beautiful Day wound up in the hookup AU instead)

So yeah, getting them to bone was definitely the hardest part of this fic. There were so many factors involved thanks to Robert’s various issues, that required a lot of careful calibration – and in the end, he still had to take a leap of faith. And while it’s not my favorite part of the fic, now that it’s done I can get on with finishing the rest of it. The final chapter doesn’t have anything really fraught (that hasn’t already been written), so I’m optimistic that it’s not going to give me as much trouble as the previous two chapters.

#asks #sex happens

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helisol · 5 years

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ye s, well

it basically came to me like a prophet receiving a vision from an angry god. you know. like brian david gilberts video ideas but with more slow burn.

no really i wrote all this down in my phone’s note app because some nearly coherent things popped up in my head every time i was on the train or bus these last few days.

(after-actually-writing-this disclaimer/note: this is 2000 words of slightly edited rambling about Bagginshield in the Afterlife. i had to put it in a read more.)

so the gist of it

the botfa goes just as in the movie with minor details altered. like bilbo kissing thorin just before he dies which inadvertently causes a ripple in time and space that makes the valar curious of them both. you know. minor stuff.

so bilbo goes back to the shire, the war of the ring goes down, and the hobbit/elf gang sails to valinor at the end. classic stuff, not much alternating of universes here.

but here’s where things turn into the “my city now” meme because DUDE DO I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT VALINOR AND HOW THE AFTERLIFE WORKS

like, I’m sorry mister jolkien rolkien tolkien, but just putting people into a hall to await being judged like a hospital waiting room? snooze, that’s boring!

so first of all, and you can fight me on this, Yavanna Made The Hobbits And You Can’t Change My Mind.

it just makes sense for her to have been very saddened by the destruction of literally all her work on arda through melkor’s poison, so she made living, growing things that could protect themselves from harm. as opposed to the ents, by the way, which were made by Eru to protect all the other living, growing things. it was a nice gesture of Eru to make those, but not quite what Yavanna wanted or had in mind, i imagine.

as with the dwarves, Eru wasn’t all happy about the existence of another race he didn’t make but you know, whatever, ‘I’ll just let this married couple have their own kids aside from mine, it’s okay’.

so he hands both the dwarves and the hobbits independent thought and free will, but under the condition (and here is where the afterlife stuff comes into play) that Aule and Yavanna be responsible for their mortal creations after their death. meaning that both races have seperate afterlives from the halls of mandos, MEANING THAT ITS COMPLETELY FINE FOR AULE AND YAVANNA TO BE LIKE “oh look honey, these two are so very in love and remind me of us, shan’t we do something about that?”

so. they do something about that. more precisely, they rearrange their afterlife-realms so they’re next to each other and someone with enough willpower could cross through the barrier. because listen, they’re valar, they can do whatever they want just for kicks.

okay so after that tangent lets get back to the meat of the matter: gay dwarves. I know not everyone has read Sansukh, a 500k word mammoth of a fic, and I don’t really intend to copy any of det’s canon, but their version of The Halls of Mahal really inspired me. basically the dwarven afterlife is one big hunk of a mountain/underground city where they’re free to live their days until dagor dagorath doing what they do best in the company of their families and friends; like smithing, crafting, building and other JustDwarrowThings.

meanwhile the hobbit afterlife is Basically The Shire and instead of being given the materials to build things, all the hobbits who go there get to grow plants and do their gardening. they don’t have to- just like none of the dwarves have to craft stuff- since there’s always enough food for everyone, but they are just allowed to do what they do best if they so desire.

now when Bilbo arrived in the undying lands he was still Old As Hell and im sorry to put it this way, he definitely kicked the can after like, a week of living there. not really so undying, them lands, huh. anyway Bilbo bites the dust and LOOK AT THAT he’s suddenly young again, and another LOOK AT THAT he’s standing in a very comfy, but Not Quite Bag End hobbit hole that has a note hung up on the front door. you wouldn’t think gods could have handwriting but hey, again, they’re gods they can do whatever. the note just tells him that yavannah made this place special and just for Bilbo but that there’s another home waiting for him. very cryptic there, lady. he doesn’t leave at first because hey, his family is here. there’s a lot of reunions and celebrating and food because its the fucking hobbit afterlife, what else would you expect

it takes him a few days of Regular Hobbit Life in his new home to realise ‘holy shit, this is so boring’ so what does a Fool of a Took do when things get boring and there’s a note urging him to do something?

HE’S GOING ON AN ADVENTURE

so Bilbo runs through the whole not-shire, meeting all sorts of people he outlived on the way (looking at you, Lobelia), as well as some elves. because elves can definitely just waltz through all the afterlives. they can walk on top of snow, you think they wouldn’t walk around wherever they please in valinor? rip to mankind, but they’re different.

he gets to the furthest reaches of it eventually, and lo and behold, what awaits him but the view of a tall mountain, an invisible barrier and a very flustered Thorin who is at his wits end as to how Bilbo even got here.

now for thorin’s part of the story we’ll have to start after the botfa again. he basically woke up in the darkness like an episode of naked and afraid, and started talking to Aule. his maker, who loves him to bits by the way since he made thorin, just tells him he’s free to go wherever his heart takes him. again with the cryptic messages from the gods.

so thorin, still very self-loathing and bitter because of his actions right before his death, sees this as Mahal’s way of saying ‘please don’t step foot in my halls u disgusting litle creacher’, when really he just meant ‘please do some well deserved self reflecting and then come inside to be with your family, they all miss you terribly’.

after his chat with the maker thorin just spawns in right at the front gate of the mountain and he has a choice to make. go inside or stay outside. and we all know Thorin’s proclivity for drama so he basically spends LITERAL YEARS just living in self imposed solitary confinement.

oh also tiny hc here, thorin was said to have taken “any work offered to him in the towns of men”, and they showed him in a smithy, but personally I believe they meant it when they said “any kind of work”. so basically thorin is a jack of all trades, master of some. he definitely has master-level skills in certain areas though, enough to build a vaguely hobbit-hole shaped house. why is it hobbit hole shaped?

oh right, the part where Thorin is absolutely enamoured with Bilbo.

"Go back to your books and your armchair, plant your trees, watch them grow. If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.”- HELLO? GAY POLICE? I’D LIKE TO REPORT A CASE OF ‘DWARF KING REALISING THAT THE HOBBIT WAY OF LIVING IS A REALLY GREAT ONE IN CONCEPT / WISHING HE COULD HAVE HAD THAT KIND OF LIFE WITH BILBO’

anyway it’s a long 80 years until Thorin does get to meet Bilbo again, and in the meantime we have one of my favorite additions to any Hobbit fanfic ever: Frerin

For the uninitiated, Frerin is Thorin’s brother. They also have a sister, Dís, but Tolkien never specified when she died and she was a bit younger than Thorin and Frerin so I reckon she’d still be alive as an old dwarf lady somewhere?

Anyway, Frerin. Oh boy. Sansukh, again, does an excellent job at turning Frerin into a character with a level of authenticity that gets real fucking close to Genuine Tolkien™, so most of my own characterisation of Frerin is based on that in Sansukh. With the important omission of the dwarves not being able to see the present/their still alive loved ones in middle earth through a magic mirror pool.

so Frerin takes it upon himself to leave the mountain in search of his brother because he really does want him back. but also because Mahal has had it with Thorin’s antics and suggests Frerin fetch him so he can finally reunite with his family. Mahal doesn’t talk to the dwarves a lot because he’s like an awkward and distant dad, but he does actually speak to them.

so Thorin is supposed to go see his family, which he does, but not immediately. it takes like, a solid year of just brotherly (and sister-sonly) companionship for him to open up about all his anxieties and regrets and THEN he goes into the mountain to cry in his mother’s lap. as you do.

however Thorin still feels like he doesn’t 100% belong with the other dwarves in there, so he frequently spends long stretches of time outside, building away at his house, thinking about Bilbo. the company goes out to visit him sometimes.

more details on the house tho, cuz it’s Important; it’s built halfway into a hill near the mountain, like a proper hobbit hole would be, but the lower levels are built into stone. look, he’s had 80 years to work on constructing this. it’s near perfect in every way for both hobbit and dwarf standards and could definitely fit the entire company and more inside.

now about the barrier. elves can pass through without a second thought because they’re shiny little bastards who just get to do all the cool stuff, but the other races can’t just hop between realms like that; they really have to muster up the willpower. which usually means they can’t do it because a drawback for both dwarves and hobbits is that they favor isolation from other races even in death, and as such don’t want to mingle with each other.

unless you’re Bilbo Badass Baggins though, who simply runs through the barrier to yell at Thorin for leaving him sad and alone for 80 years. he is that bitch.

there’s gonna be some legolas and gimli shenanigans if i can fit them in (cuz i dont know when exactly they sailed west together), possibly a mention of tauriel because bruh peter jackson did us dirty by not giving her any closure besides ‘lol i guess she’s banished from mirkwood??’ and Mairon. because. I also have some thoughts about him.

also Fili and Kili as pseudo matchmakers because every fic needs that

and did I mention there’s gonna be hozier lyrics for chapter titles

i said this was the gist of it but i somehow ended up at ~1900 words. well, more power to me.

#bagginshield #the hobbit #bagginshield afterlife au #this is the most coherent plot summary I've ever done for a fic so please enjoy the trash #also it's my sleepover and I get to pick which parts of canon i'll adhere by

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thestraggletag · 5 years

Text

Human Nature, Part One

AN: Happy Birthday to me! Here’s a fic I wrote to commemorate the day. Part two needs editing but will be along shortly. Enjoy!

Also can someone please write a better summary? This is an honest request. It can be my birthday present.

Rating: R

Summary: Warm Bodies AU. After the zombie apocalypse is averted it’s up to Belle French to rehabilitate a mostly-dead Mr Gold, against advice of the experts and the wishes of the entire town. As she struggles to fan the spark of humanity back into Mr Gold she fails to notice something else kindling between them.

It took months to get back to Storybrooke after the beginning of what was known as "the treatment" by which most of who'd been affected by the zombie-like virus slowly regained their humanity. It was slow-going, the process done with an overabundance of caution that nobody begrudged, taking into account what the years before had been like. The outbreak had lasted a little under five years, but it had seemed like months, and so much had changed in that time that life before seemed like a distant memory. The idea of just picking up where everyone left off was an impossible fantasy.

When Brisbane had been hit Belle, who'd been visiting relatives at the time, had been lucky enough to get evacuated to Hamilton Island, where the only undead she'd been close to where relatives of locals, who could not bear to put them down and so kept them locked away in the basement of the local pet shelter. Once word of the treatment reached them most of them had been successfully rehabilitated, and soon after that she'd made her way back to the mainland, to be of help where she could and find out news about her family and friends.

She'd first heard news of Storybrooke from Ruby, when internet access was restored. The town had taken a hit, like most, but efforts were underway to rehabilitate as many people as possible. She cried with her friend when she called her to tell her Granny had called her by her name. Speech was a big step in the treatment, and it was then that they both knew that Mrs Lucas was going to make it.

She had to wait a long time for flights to be restored, and by then things were mostly under control. She'd heard from Ruby and others that Storybrooke was a sort of success story unlike any other, with all services restored, schools open and a rehabilitation rate that defied expectations, and a lot of it was attributed to the iron will of Madam Mayor and the security efforts of the Town Sheriff. Quite the formidable power couple, according to Ruby. She thought their love story surrounding their shared son was very cute, as far as apocalyptic tales went.

And though she had thought at first that Ruby's boundless optimism in the face of Granny's recovery was prompting her to paint a rather misleading picture of how things were back home when she finally made it back to town she had to admit it looked as good as she'd described. There were some signs of destruction, some roadblocks that were still only half-cleared and half the buildings seemed to be in the process of repair but there was an air of orderly normality that she hadn't seen in other places. Ruby had been there to pick her up from the bus stop, squealing and hugging her for the longest time before commenting on her silver-streaked hair, telling her she loved it.

"You can totally get hair dye, the pharmacy is up and running again- no idea how Mayor Mills did it but it's almost completely restocked, she must have made some interesting calls to well-connected people- but I kinda dig the look. Goes with your more angular features."

It was a nice spin on things, as if her thinner body and grey hair were audacious fashion choices and not the product of hunger and stress. The upbeat attitude was decidedly contagious, specially once she saw that her beloved library was mostly undamaged. Boarded up still, and a little worse for wear on the outside, but the inside was just as she had left it. She commented on it to Granny as the woman forced a second helping of pie on her. For someone who had undergone the treatment she didn't really look it, with the exception of a slight stiffness to her movements.

"I'm glad the town council moved so quickly to board it up."

"They had nothing to do with it. It was Gold and his crew, mainly that huge mammoth of a man that worked for him, Dove. Did it by themselves, with the help of Marco."

Though Granny's tone was as gruff and as acid as it always was when she talked of the pawnbroker Belle felt a pleasant warmth bloom in her. She'd always had a soft spot for the Scotsman, something she knew was a bit of an unpopular opinion in Storybrooke. He had always had a smile and a polite comment or two for her whenever she saw her, was a staunch ally of the library in town council meetings and was keen on chatting about a book when he returned it, which he always did in person. Once or twice they’d sat together when Granny’s was too full and his was the only table with spare seats. People had warned her after the first time they’d shared a cup of tea in public that she was better off staying as far away from possible from him, but she had refused to comply, specially when she caught the bias in a lot of the stories, like the one Ashley Boyd spun, about Mr Gold cruelly charging interest for the rent of a meager little flat after having been “a little bit late” on the rent. She was never specific about how late till Belle asked, and she reluctantly admitted it was over two months, even past the grace period contemplated on the rental agreement.

“Still, who threatens to evict a young couple with a newborn baby and nowhere to go?”

Ashley was also always careful not to mention her father-in-law, well-off and with more than enough room in his house to host his only son and his wife for a lengthy period of time. Belle could see how her tale of woe lost a little of the dramatic edge with the addition of those pesky details. So she had carried on being friendly with the pawnbroker, even if it made people look at her funny and sometimes whisper behind her back. Just one of the many things that made her strange in the little town, along with her accent and habit of reading in the strangest of moments and places. She hadn’t cared.

“That was so kind of him. I must go over to his house and thank him.”

She hadn’t seen the Scotsman around since her return, but she’d assumed he was busy either with repairs to his home or perhaps the shop, or even trying to restore order to his many properties. He was a fastidious landlord and considering his nature she imagined he’d be one of those people eager to set the world to rights, to restore order.

“You haven’t told her?”

Granny looked at Ruby reproachfully, though she tried to shrug it off. The old woman sighed, not-quite managing to roll her eyes.

“He was amongst the people infected during a breach a couple of years ago. We’ve been told he’s in treatment, but not responding well. It doesn’t quite work on everyone, as you know.”

It felt impossible, at first. Mr Gold was such a vital part of Storybrooke that it made no sense for the town to be still standing without him. He was also so strong, despite his short stature and his reliance on a cane to walk, that it made no sense to think that even the outbreak could’ve gotten to him. He was the sort of man she would expect to survive the apocalypse, if not thrive in it.

It wasn’t until a couple of days later, when she overheard Katherine Knight talk about “visiting Freddie” that she gave more thought about Mr Gold’s situation. Frederick Knight, Katherine’s husband, was amongst the people still being treated and it had not occurred to her that visits to those infected were not only possible, but desirable. It was human contact, after all, the key to guide those afflicted back to their humanity. Contact and communication with loved ones, with people near and dear, was even better, capable of speeding up the process. And she was sure that, though not close, Mr Gold had considered her a friend. She certainly knew him enough to be of help, and she couldn’t imagine people would much object to her taking him off their hands for a couple of hours a day.

It was with a sinking heart that she learned that, though the treatment of the infected was officially managed by the local hospital, the actual efforts were overseen by Mother Superior and her gaggle of nuns, all of which had survived the apocalyptic events. They had done so mostly because the good Mother had ordered the convent’s doors to be bolted at the first sign of trouble. The sisters had spent the entire apocalypse safe behind the tall walls of the convent, living off the produce from the gardens and closing their ears to the pleas for help from outside.

It was no wonder Mother Superior had decided to offer the services of her little lambs when hands were needed to treat the infected once it was discovered this could be done. It was a way to change the narrative, to erase whatever ill-feelings there remained in town regarding the nuns. It was also a way to position herself in a place of power and relevance, one she relished with little subtlety, it seemed to her. She was practically goading when she turned Belle away, telling her Mr Gold was unfit to receive visits of any kind, and that she could give her no further information.

The rumours she heard were not encouraging. People whispered about Mr Gold lashing out against anybody that dared approach him, about him savagely attacking orderlies and snapping out of restraints with a brute force surprising even in an infected. Too violent to be cured, people said, a beast on the outside as he’d always been on the inside. So thin and haggard, in such a state of rot, that he was practically a boney. The town seemed quite content to do nothing about it, so she decided in the end to take the matter to the mayor. Regina Mills was the closest thing Mr Gold had to family. They’d known each other since she was a baby- there were some unsavoury stories about the pawnbroker and Regina’s mother, but nothing anyone could corroborate- and though they usually bickered they seemed to have a certain respect and fondness for each other, at least from what she’d been able to see.

To her credit Regina did seem to share her concerns regarding Mr Gold- Hell, even Sheriff Swan, not his biggest fan, seemed sympathetic- but didn’t think much could be done about it.

“I wish I could tell you Mother Superior or the orderlies at the hospital were exaggerating, Miss French, but I’ve been to see Mr Gold. Even restrained he was quite violent, and my presence seemed to agitate him more than help him. I believe everything that could be done for him is being done. He’s simply… not responding as he should. I am told it happens.”

She seemed to be honestly contrite, which gave her the opening she needed to convince her to demand the hospital let her visit. It took a while, and some back and forth, but she was finally given permission, though begrudgingly, by Dr Whale and Mother Superior. She was full of cautious optimism that morning, joining Mary Margaret Nolan in the hospital entrance lobby to wait for visiting hours to start, listening intently as the schoolteacher told her that she was hopeful her husband would be released soon, given his progress.

Her enthusiasm waned somewhat when Mary Margaret was ushered along a brightly-lit corridor and she in turn was escorted to a key-coded door that led to the basement, and taken down a flight of stairs into a dark hall, where a clearly-recovering orderly was mopping the floors. She was told to go to the “cell at the end”, a phrase that did away with the rest of her cheerfulness. The air down there was damp and stale, and mold grew on certain areas along the walls and in corners. The floor was solid concrete, with an abundance of thin, spidery cracks, and there were heavy metal doors to her left, with small covered windows slots further down that remained shut, but likely was meant for trays.

She found him when she peered into the third door, though it was difficult to see him at first because the cell was unlit but for the light that shone from a small barred window high above and he was in a shadowy corner, standing still. It was only when her eyes adjusted to the darkness that she began to make out his silhouette, and later more and more details. In many ways it was easy to recognise him: custom suit, slightly-uneven gait, favouring one leg clearly over the other, and shaggy hair a tad too long to be respectable. At the same time, however, the man in the cell looked like a complete stranger: rail-thin, with his trousers torn and his suit jacket in tatters. He wasn’t even wearing a tie, something she’d never seen Mr Gold without. The eyes, however, were the most striking difference: clouded over, almost milky-white, dull and unfocused.

“Oh, Mr Gold…”

The living corpse seemed to shudder, head tilting back to sniff the air. She braced herself for anything, any sudden movement or anything that could remotely be construed as violent, but nothing happened. There was definitely something different, though, an awareness that hadn’t been there before. He could certainly smell her, she knew that, and had likely heard her loud and clear- infected tended to have their sense of smell and hearing heightened, even while their organs and muscles deteriorated. So he knew she was there, but did not attack her, did not seem interesting in doing her harm. The way it seemed there wasn’t anything inherently aggressive or incurable about him, he simply had been left alone to rot.

If no one was gonna do anything about it she would.

She decided the best way to establish any sort of relationship was through something she knew Mr Gold enjoyed. She set aside several afternoons a week to sit down on the hard concrete floor next to Mr Gold’s door and read him, choosing books from his favourite authors and genres. She started with Borges, which he had often checked out, and Irvine Welsh, along with some Cortázar and Verne. She would sneak in, unsure whether Mother Superior wouldn’t try to stop her if she knew what she was trying to do, and spend hours reading and drinking tea. Sometimes Ruby would sneak her something to eat- she had decided early on that she needed at least one person who knew where she was going and what she was doing just in case, specially when it became clear no one went to the basement except her. No nuns, no doctors, no one. People were literally waiting for Mr Gold to turn to dust, too squeamish to outright put a bullet in his brain and be done with it but in no real rush to see him recover either.

Spite became a motivator during those afternoons were things didn’t seem to be progressing and it looked like she was wasting her time. Mr Gold would like that, she thought privately. She felt an odd sort of camaraderie when she thought about sticking it to the nuns, about the expression on Mother Superior’s face if she succeeded. She told him about that, and about the progress being made around town. At some point she started calling him by his first name- Ramsay, a confession he made when she’d playfully teased him about having “R. Gold” as the name on his library card- thinking it might spark something.

She would feed him too, whatever large chunks of raw meat she could get from Granny, who she suspected was well aware of what she was doing but said nothing. She was fully cured, herself, with minimal sequels, but her experience seemed to have made her empathetic to Mr Gold’s plight. She had retained some of the incredible sense of hearing she’d enjoyed while undead. It wasn’t unheard of for people to keep a trait or two from their sickness, though it was rare. In some cases the infection had cause certain irreparable changes to their physiognomy, specially in those further gone.

Fortunately for Belle Mr Gold enjoyed the raw meat, though she never saw him eat it. She’d leave it before heading back to the library and it’d be gone in the morning, tray licked clean but Mr Gold back in his corner. It was a relief, somewhat, to see him lose some of his boney appearance, though he was still rail-thin, little more than skin and bones.

Her first big break happened during an ordinary afternoon, while she sat and read to him something by Horacio Quiroga. Mr Gold rather liked the dark short stories, and though some people might have thought them inappropriate reading material for a recovering zombie Belle disagreed, thinking that anything that might elicit a response from Mr Gold, any response at all, was worth trying.

It was while she was nearing the end of The Feather Pillow that she heard a shuffling and later a thump right on the other side of the door. Tentatively she knocked on the metal door, barely containing a happy laugh when something on the other side knocked back, slow but surely. It was the first time that Mr Gold acknowledged her at all and thought it was a small thing it felt like something monumental. It put a smile on her face so bright Ruby teased her about it for weeks, and prompted her to take a leap of faith one afternoon and open the latch that kept the small window on the door covered. There was no glass to further separate them so she was able to tentatively slip her hand through the opening.

“Come here, Ramsay. Come on, you know me. It’s okay.”

Mr Gold did perk up somewhat, and later dragged himself across the room. She forced herself not to flinch as he leaned forward, his nose almost brushing her skin as he breathed in deeply, hesitantly at first but pressing closer when something about the scent seemed to catch his attention or spark something in him. He never made a move to bite so for the longest time Belle just stood there, on her tippy-toes to be able to pass most of her arm through the opening, fighting the urge to pull back. Her fear gave way to cautionary optimism and later awe at the way Mr Gold practically rubbed his entire face against her hand, as if the notion of skin to skin contact was some sort of miracle. He breathed her deeply now, big lungfuls of her scent, nose pressed tightly against her palm or the underside of her wrist, his expression almost desperate. He made a sort of whining noise when she was forced to pull her arm back, and followed her hand until he physically couldn’t anymore.

She cried later that night, back in the safety of her library, away from prying eyes, part out of sheer relief and part out of anger and sadness at the thought that Mr Gold had been left to rot not because he was beyond help, but rather because it was so convenient. So many people had been given second chances once the rebuilding had started, people who had committed questionable or even downright despicable acts during the apocalypse. Ruby had warned her at the beginning about some, like Keith Nott and Greg Aston, who had taken to the chaos of the past years like ducks to water, had grown unruly and dangerous. She had heard only half-stories, mostly from Ruby, mostly things no one could prove or cared to now that the human race had another chance and the population was in dire need of able-bodied men to rebuild and reproduce. If Storybrooke was ready to embrace lowlifes like those they would have to get used to having Mr Gold back, and she’d call out anyone who dared fight her on that on their hypocrisy.

From then on it became routine to let him smell her. Mr Gold seemed to look forward to it, being sure to stay close to the door and letting out a growly sort of purr when she reached out to him. He was also eager to let himself be stroked and his hair petted, which took a bit of getting used to but to her made sense. Mr Gold had always avoided contact as a rule. Though he sometimes tended to invade people’s personal space as a tactic to put them ill at ease, he usually skirted human touch. She’d had occasion to make a study of it, back before the apocalypse, down to how Mr Gold almost always wore gloves on rent day and avoided passing anything hand to hand. She had noticed that once he got familiar with her he let his guard down a bit and sometimes allowed casual touches, fingers brushing over a book exchanging hands, things of that nature. But he’d always shied away from further contact.

Belle had long ago come to the conclusion that he must have been very touch-starved, given how little actual skin to skin contact he seemed to experience day to day. She had seen him flex his fingers often, his hands and entire body full of nervous energy, of a sort of yearning for what he denied himself. Now, stripped of all human pretenses, without the need to protect himself from others, he was seeking out that which he needed like he hadn’t allowed himself before. She told him over and over that it was alright, that he was allowed to want and seek affection, that she would never use it against him or otherwise harm him with the knowledge. She hoped it would stick on the back of his mind, so he wouldn’t be embarrassed when he was himself again, or wary of her.

She hadn’t expected it to feel so… powerful. So heady, to have someone like Mr Gold, who always seemed larger-than-life, lean on her so trustingly, so eagerly. To have a creature capable of immense feats of strength, of untold violence, purr under her touch like a kitten. She’d always wanted to do it, to reach out and give some sort of comfort to Mr Gold, a little bit of the affection he was sorely missing. It was precisely why she told herself to be cautious and not rush into things, given her impulsive nature. If she botched things now, if she lost her progress or got into a situation she couldn’t handle, Mr Gold might never recover. She was sure any excuse would be enough for people to demand he be “put out of his misery”. She couldn’t afford mistakes or miscalculations.

So she took things slow, and kept things close to the chest. Best no one knew of her progress until she could get Mr Gold talking a little, enough to prove without a shadow of a doubt that he was on the mend, and that killing him would be killing a human being and not some well-dressed boney. So she went about her day as normal as possible, helping set the town to rights, cleaning the library, helping Dove with the community garden that grew on some land belonging to Mr Gold and that was still a vital source of a lot of produce the town consumed, though the normal flow of goods and services was slowly being re established across the estate. Dove was an attentive gardener and the work was strangely soothing. She set her afternoons aside for Mr Gold, though, reluctant to miss a day and cause a potential regression. And it helped her too, helped her deal with what she’d lived through, the peace and companionship she found in the basement of the hospital, with Mr Gold. In the hope that sparked in her every time she caught a glimpse of his eyes and they looked less cloudy and more focused, more alive.

She was so focused on those things, so eager to escape to her afternoon trysts, that she forgot to pay proper attention to her surroundings. It was night when she left the hospital, later than she’d realised, but nothing seemed amiss at first. Even after she heard something she didn’t immediately panic. The Rabbit Hole was close to the hospital, and people were still getting celebratory drunk in honour of the ending of the apocalypse. Sheriff Swan was good about keeping things controlled, all things considered.

It wasn’t until they were almost upon her that she noticed them, staggering around shouting at her, some slurred lewd proposition that made her walk faster, but nothing else. When she chanced a glance back she felt the first true jolt of fear, recognising easily the tall, lanky man as Gregory Aston, which made the other man following her his buddy Keith. Greg had made some advances before the apocalypse, which she hadn’t returned, much to his displeasure. But back then they had both lived in a society with strict rules that limited whatever he might have wanted to do when he was rejected. Now he strutted around Storybrooke getting into fights and using his brute strength to get whatever he wanted, having grown used to the more violent times of the apocalypse, when his fighting ability had given him a position of prominence. Keith, on the other hand, had thrived in the smuggling business, specially of drugs, and was still active. Emma was a competent sheriff but the problems of a town like Storybrooke in the post-apocalypse were many, and the resources of the sheriff’s office were limited.

Being the stupid sort of drug dealer one would’ve expected from Keith he often tested his merchandise and shared it with close pals, which included Greg. Belle could see it the closer they got to her, the tell-tale signs of a person under the influence of more than just alcohol.

“Hey, Belle, wait up, we wanna talk to you!”

She began to seriously consider her options. The library was too far away, and it was too late for Granny’s to be open. The station was close by, but the sheriff was doing rounds so no one would be there. It seemed safer to go back to the hospital, where there was bound to be at least a couple of nurses on their night shift.

“Hey, you frigid bitch, I know you can hear us!”

Running probably was ill-advised, but at some point Belle couldn’t fight her instincts anymore. The relief she felt when she burst through the doors of the hospital was short-lived. The reception area was deserted, and access to the rest of the hospital seemed to be blocked, a precaution typical of the days of the apocalypse that people seemed to still be keeping. Frantically she went to the one door she knew the combination to, but when she tried to close it behind her it was wrenched from her grasp, either by Greg or Keith, she didn’t bother to look. Someone grabbed her arm when she raced down the stairs, but years of surviving in a high-stress environment had given her sharp reflexes that helped her pull herself free.

“There’s nowhere to run, sweetheart. We promise we’ll be nice, we just want to be nice to you, Belle.”

She didn’t know when she made the decision. It was in a split second, more instinctual than anything else. Mr Gold’s cell was bolted from the outside but not locked, she’d noticed that from the beginning. She’d been tempted to open the door so many times, but she’d restrained herself. But now adrenaline was rushing through her and the survival instinct that had kept her alive through hell on Earth moved her to make a quick decision, to seek out safety. Without pausing to second-guess herself she unbolted the door, pushing her way inside and closing it behind her.

“Got ourselves a room, how nice.”

“Hope there’s a bed inside!”

It was dark inside the cell. The only light came from the corridor and was too faint to reach inside. Belle knew she was not alone in the room but she could not hear or see Mr Gold. The infected got very good at being quiet and staying out of sight, like the best of predators, which wasn’t an altogether-reassuring thought. Greg and Keith stumbled inside the room, uncoordinated and sluggish from drink and whatever else they’d consumed, and Belle stepped back, seeking who she knew was there.

“Now, Belle, this doesn’t need to be bad. Ugly. We can… can treat you right. Make it good. We’re nice guys.”

Greg had always said that. Belle was sure that, against all odds, he believed it. Even as he clamped a hand around her arm, with enough force to make her wrist hurt, to make her cry out in pain and fight to wrench herself free. Even as Keith laughed next to him, clumsily pawing at his belt. There was a second of all-consuming fear, the kind that paralysed the muscles and made it difficult to breathe. Then there was a growl and she felt rather than saw an arm wrap around her waist and pull her backwards. Another arm went across her chest, securing her against something solid behind her.

“Holy fuck, what the-?”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

The sheer terror in both men’s eyes was almost amusing, if it weren’t for the fact that Belle felt the same. Mr Gold’s face was next to hers, snarling, teeth bared in a clear warning. She wanted to say something, so that he’d recognise her as a friend, let himself be soothed, perhaps, but nothing came out. Greg and Keith scrambled backwards, fighting to be the first ones out the door, bolting it behind them for good measure before running away, the sound of their footsteps eventually fading into nothing. They weren’t going to look for help, she knew it. Too messy for them, too dangerous. They’d left her alone, perhaps even hoping Mr Gold would take care of her so she wouldn’t go telling tales and for a moment her anger overcame her fear, so thoroughly that she didn’t notice Gold’s head move, his nose coming to press against her neck. He took a deep, audible breath and Belle froze again, part of her bracing herself for a bite. But none came, Mr Gold seemingly content to scent her. Slowly Belle felt fear drain out of her, allowing her to somewhat compose herself.

“It’s just me, Ramsay, Belle. You know me, don’t you?”

He made a purring sound, the one she’d grown so used to, and loosened his hold on her, not a drop of aggression on him. Belle tentatively petted his hair, excited now to be able to look at him so closely, to notice the very slight tint of pink on his cheeks and the slight warmth of his skin, signs of his recovering humanity. He, likewise, seemed curious about her, hands hovering near her, as if asking for permission to touch, to explore. And though he didn’t dare grab her again he had no problems pressing his nose close to whatever part of her he could reach. He spent long minutes scenting her hair, fingers ghosting over it, as if delighted by the feel of it. Fascinated and intrigued she let him proceed, allowing him to sniff at her forehead, down her neck and over her torso. It was strangely endearing, or at least until he pressed firmly against the juncture of her thighs, taking a deep breath in an attempt to scent her through her underwear and cotton shorts.

“No!”

She pushed against his shoulders and he scrambled away, clearly feeling chastised by her tone and actions. He looked confused, as if unaware of whatever he’d done wrong, and whatever offence she might have felt a moment ago went up in smoke. Slowly, so as to not spook him, she sat down in the cot next to him and turned his face so they’d make eye-contact.

“Hey, Ramsey, I’m sorry. You didn’t know. It’s okay, Ramsey, I’m not mad.”

Something sparked in his eyes, and he tilted his head to the side, brow furrowing.

“R-r-r-r…” With a jolt, Belle realised he was trying to speak. It was more of a growl than anything else, but there seemed to be a purpose to it, a desire to shape it into something. “R-r-rum.”

He splayed a hand against his chest and repeated the word. Belle understood at once what he was trying to say.

“Yes, yes, that’s right. You’re Ramsay, that’s your name. Ramsay.”

She said it slowly, over and over again, delighting in the way he focused on her lips as they shaped out the word. He couldn’t quite repeat it, not entirely at least, but he recognised it without a doubt as his name, the first concrete proof that he could not only understand speech but that he had also recovered a sense of self, and at least partial access to his memories. He also seemed to realise it was a momentous occasion, his lips curling up into a shadow of a smile, looking more like Mr Gold than ever.

Knowing that certainly Ruby or Dove would report her missing tomorrow and that this would be an obvious place to check out, seeing as to how Emma and Regina suspected of her near-constant visits, she settled down to wait, lying down on the cot so her face was close to Mr Gold- Rum, now, in her mind- who was still on the floor, looking at her. She talked to him as one of her hands combed through his tangled hair, told him about Dove and how he was taking care of everything for him, about how the Library was ready for re-opening and how things were slowly returning to normal. There was an understanding in his eyes that hadn’t been there before, as if one more of many veiled had been lifted and he could see the world more clear now than before.

She didn’t recall falling asleep, but she must have at some point. When she awoke there was no panic, even when she registered the grey walls of the cell and the thin, hospital-issue mattress beneath her. Rum was next to her, sitting on the floor leaning against the cot and watching her from beneath a curtain of shaggy hair. It was, she was sure, longer than it had been weeks ago, another sign of his blossoming humanity to add to her list.

“Good morning, Rum.”

She pulled herself to a sitting position, looking around her. Now that there was slight coming into the room from the small window in a corner she could see the room properly, and winced at the signs of decay and disrepair. Surely it couldn’t be conductive to his recovery for him to be locked up in a place like that. She would need to try and convince Regina to do something about it, if she could somehow get the woman to the cell so she could see with her own eyes that Rum was on the mend, and certainly not a danger to anyone.

It was while she contemplated how to go about it all that she heard faint sounds, and later the murmur of voices. Someone shouted her name, desperately- Ruby, it sounded like- followed by others. Rum tensed up beside her, scrambling to stand between her and the door. She was about to try and calm him down when she was startled by the cell door being violently yanked open, Sheriff Swan stepping into the room with her revolver up and aimed squarely at the Scotsman’s head. Behind her Belle could see Ruby, David Nolan- who acted sometimes as Deputy Sheriff, and the major herself.

“No, wait!”

Thankfully for her Rum was a short man, so getting in front of him guaranteed Emma would be unable to shoot him in the head. It didn’t make her drop her stance, though, specially when she saw Rum grab her from behind and snarl.

“Belle, what the fuck? Get out of the way!”

“No, you don’t understand. It’s okay. I’m okay. He’s not gonna hurt me. He’s not aggressive.”

She knew how ridiculous she sounded like, with Rum behind her, teeth bared and hands digging into her skin to the point where she had to admit hurt a little, but it was important that they understood.

“He… he’s on the mend. He just thinks you’re threatening me. Just… just stand down. He’ll relax.”

She wasn’t sure he would, but it was worth a try. Emma, to her credit, didn’t dismiss her words, and obviously noticed Rum was making no move to bite or otherwise attack her. She lowered her firearm and relaxed her posture, and little by little Belle felt Rum do the same behind her, though he kept one of his hands curled protectively on her shoulder, as if ready to yank her back at the first sign of trouble. She took advantage of the tentative peace to recount the events of last night, trying to be as detailed as possible. Though she got some sceptic looks she could see that at least Emma and Regina were considering part of what she was saying, particularly regarding Keith and Greg. When it came to Rum, however, the general consensus seemed to be that Belle was likely being a bit too optimistic, and there weren’t enough grounds to challenge the authority of Mother Superior regarding Mr Gold’s situation.

“No, you’re not listening to me. He’s on the mend. He knows who he is, he has memories. Look at him. At the colour of his skin, at his eyes. He’s better. He knows who I am, I’m sure.”

She stared at Emma, hard, as if daring the blonde to contradict her, to pat her on the head and tell her she was mistaken, confused, seeing things that weren’t there. To her surprise she felt Rum’s hand on her shoulder tighten.

“B-B-B-Be-Belle.”

It was more of a croak than anything, but there was no mistaking what he’d just said. Everyone froze in place and things were deadly quiet for a second or two. Belle could have sworn that when she chanced a glance at Rum there was something of the familiar Mr Gold smirk about him, the satisfied, smug look he often got after striking a deal or getting the better of people. Finally, after what felt like forever, Regina spoke.

“I can’t wait to see the look on Mother Superior’s face when I tell her this.”

Rum’s progress seemed to accelerate after that, though his vocabulary remained reduced. But his understanding of speech and his communication skills evolved immensely, and there was a constant awareness now of what was going on around him and a spark of intelligence that hadn’t been there before.. The major, likewise, was determined to make her own progress and before the week was out she managed to arrange a review of Mr Gold’s case with Dr Whale and Dr Hopper, against the express wishes of Mother Superior. Both reports were as positive as Belle could’ve hoped for, with Dr Hopper encouraging Mr Gold be moved to his own house for the remainder of his recovery, which was usually the next step once patients had developed enough understanding of the world around them.

Belle and Dove worked tirelessly to put Mr Gold’s house to rights, or as close to it as possible. Dove had boarded it up after Mr Gold had been infected, so it was quite the job to open it up again and clean it, but the inside was mostly well-preserved. All around Storybrooke news of the imminent release of the pawnbroker spread around fast, and the reception was more than a little chilly. No one dare take it up personally with Belle- apparently the first idiot to even insinuate something like that had had a pickaxe nearly flung at them by Leroy- but people definitely gave her hostile looks and were otherwise very vocal about how much better things would’ve been if Mr Gold had simply… faded away. It was disgusting and she was grateful that those closest to her seemed to be on the same page.

It was nighttime when Rum was officially discharged. He’d been already moved to a regular hospital room a day before in preparation and to administer any final tests and such. Afterwards they left him sitting in the hallway, which was where she found him. He visibly perked when he saw her, lips curling into that adorable half-smile that she remembered from years ago. He lurched forward towards her, which made her notice his limp was more pronounced than before. Infected people gained strength and agility due to the changes in their bodies, which could also strengthen injured bones and muscle. The more Rum’s body returned to its natural state the more his old injury reasserted itself. It was a strange sort of positive sign.

Thankfully the streets were deserted, like she’d hoped when she’d suggested Rum be released at night. They walked slowly, him leaning slightly against her for balance, looking around with unabashed hunger. He breathed in deeply, scenting the air, silently reveling in his freedom. Certain buildings and sights seemed to catch his attention, his eyes lingering on the diner, the library and specially on his pawnshop. When they finally got to the edge of town and he spotted his house he visibly moved faster, tugging her along and paying little attention to his dragging right leg as he all but sprinted towards it. His movements were still very wooden and stiff but the progress was astounding.

The house was dimly lit, electricity still being strictly rationed, but Rum seemed to want to explore everything at once, at least until something seemed to occur to him and he darted awkwardly up the stairs. When she followed him she found him in his ensuite bathroom, shower already on. He was struggling to take his tattered clothes off, which was no easy feat given his current lack of dexterity. Belle helped him take his jacket off, trying not to smile at his slightly abashed look. What was left of his shirt was partly stuck to his undershirt and skin by grime and blood. It took ten minutes and a pair of scissors to peel the fabric off him safely. His torso was littered in half-healing bite marks and scratches and when she gently touched a couple of them he sighed, pressing his forehead against hers.

“I’m-m-m okay.” She didn’t realise until he tried to console her that she was crying. “Ev-v-v-very-thing is o-k-k-ay.”

His brogue was so thick it was difficult to understand him, and his voice was still raspy and harsh form disuse but the gentleness with which he sought to reassure her made his words soft as butter. She helped him out of the rest of his clothing, leaving his boxers on when it became clear he was not keen on the idea of having her remove them. She rummaged his walk-in closet for a pair of pants, fresh underwear and a t-shirt and left him to shower in peace. Afterwards- thankfully, dressing up had been easier for him than stripping down- she sat him down in front of a mirror and trimmed his hair at his request, pleased at the results. Showered and properly groomed Rum was looking more like himself than ever.

When she brought up the idea that she might stay the night- Dove had prepared a room for her just in case- he looked painfully relieved and agreed vigorously, not letting her out of his sight until she slipped into her own room, leaving the door ajar behind her. He shuffled into the room that she’d pointed out was his and laid on the bed, feeling a strange burning in his eyes, and a heaviness that he didn’t recognise at first. Minutes later he was asleep.

#rumbelle #rumbelle fic #Thestraggletag fanfiction #Human Nature

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mostthingskenobi · 5 years

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MOST THINGS KENOBI’S 2018 FAN FICS

As unproductive as I’ve felt this year, I actually wrote quite a bit. Here’s a list of everything I worked on in 2018. Let me know which ones are your favorite ❤

p.s. I’ve written more volume-wise in the last 5 days than I have all year ಠ_ಠ Expect massive fic updates in just a few weeks. I’m coming for you Claudia Gray!

HERE IS A LIST OF ALL MY 2018 FICS

I’ve marked my personal favorites with an asterisk (*)

The Jedi and His Duchess* Summary: Satine Kryze is a pacifist because of the Mandalorian civil war. But the idea first takes root in her mind after watching something terrible happen to Obi-Wan Kenobi. The story of how Obi-Wan and Satine fell in love when they were young, and how their feelings reemerged when they reconnected during the Clone Wars. Told in flashbacks. Takes place pre Phantom Menace and post Clone Wars episode Duchess of Mandalore. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Bloody Escape* Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Asajj Ventress barely escape with their lives after a dangerous encounter with Darth Maul and Savage Opress. Trapped together in a small shuttle, these one-time enemies must put their differences aside in order to find their way back to civilization. Things get complicated when Ventress realizes Kenobi has been gravely wounded. Will he survive the long journey or will his blood be on her hands? Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Sidious and Skywalker* Summary: An alternate ending to Return of the Jedi where Luke is taken prisoner by the Emperor. Sidious will destroy Skywalker’s belief in the Jedi and undermine everything the young man believes in by simply telling him the truth. Will Vader rescue his son or will he stand by and allow Sidious to endlessly interrogate Luke? How long can Skywalker survive under the Sith’s wrath? Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Drinks with a Jedi* Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi has gone down to the lower levels of Coruscant to get away from prying eyes and have a few drinks while incognito. He asks his old flame, Satine Kryze, to join him even though he assumes she’ll turn him down. A bit of banter and some booze. Takes place sometime during the Clone Wars. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Kenobi Who Fell to Earth Summary: A ridiculous fic that has nowhere to go…Obi-Wan, Cody, and Yoda crash land in modern day London. It doesn’t take Kenobi long to fit in with the locals. I don’t know what this fic is… Just a little love letter to London and Star Wars. Basically, this is Obi-Wan embracing his Ewan McGregor fashion sense while on vacation with Cody in London. (WTF even is this????) Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Under the Stars with a Jedi Summary: A short piece that takes place during the year Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon spent protecting Satine. After a long day, Kenobi and Kryze lay out under the stars. There may or may not be dancing involved. Complete fluff ensues. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

A Jedi’s Love is in Between Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi never said the words “I love you” to Satine Kryze… but he wanted to. A short one-off piece that explores how Kenobi’s feelings for the Duchess of Mandalore change over his lifetime. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Fire on Tatooine* (i like this story so much i’ve started writing it a prequel) Summary: Five years into Obi-Wan Kenobi’s exile on Tatooine the Jedi knows he has become reclusive and lonely. A brief encounter with a lovely yet mysterious stranger dredges up old memories, both pleasant and painful, leading Kenobi to find comfort in unexpected places. Perhaps the Force has been watching out for him after all. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Obi-Wan Kenobi’s Lady Friend Summary: Anakin Skywalker just wants a quiet night at home by himself. Unfortunately, a group of unexpected visitors arrive bringing a potentially destructive acquaintance into Skywalker’s home. AKA: How Obi-Wan and a bunch of clone troopers destroy Anakin’s peace of mind! Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

If This is the End* Summary: A micro Obitine fic. A small moment shared by Obi-Wan Kenobi and Satine Kryze. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

When Obi-Wan Married Satine Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi and the Duchess of Mandalore decide to marry in secret. They meet in a secluded garden where a Force priestess conducts a private wedding. Sequel to The Secret Duke of Mandalore. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

Much Ado About Kenobi Summary: Padmé Amidala is hosting a large party. The Duchess of Mandalore attends, as do many of our favorite Jedi and clones. Unfortunately, tensions are running high between Satine and Obi-Wan; she has not yet forgiven him for faking his death. Anakin, Ahsoka, and Rex will try to mend fences between the Jedi Master and the Duchess by using well intended trickery. Basically, Much Ado About Nothing with Star Wars characters. Read it on AO3 | Read it on Tumblr

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wildlyglittering · 6 years

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Organising Myself

I am writing this mainly to fix my brain into my head and to try and:

a) remind myself of what I have written and;

b) record down my plans of what I aim to write

I am sort of hoping that by writing down b) and putting it out into the ether it will give me the much needed kick up the bum in terms of motivation to actually write the damn things. My rationale is that if it is out there then I am making a commitment to actually do it.

I have tons of ideas and some I may have to let slide but this is what I’ve done so far/ aim to do so far.

I’m only an itty bitty writer so I’m not expecting anyone to be interested (if you are then that will definitely help with the motivation) but this is more for well, organising myself and keeping myself on track.

I guess I sort of write for two fandoms now. Everything I post on Tumblr I also post on A03 here: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writinginthedust

So, here is what I have written. It’s not much, but it’s a start.

Everlark

Four drabbles written as part of D12 Drabbles:-

Before the Moment - "Suitcase” prompt

In Reverse - “First Date” prompt

Once - “Caught red handed” prompt

The Wedding - “Wedding” prompt

One submission to The Everlark Games Christmas Challenge 2016. It won, so that is awesome!

The Christmas Gift

Four pieces for Everlark Birthday Gifts:-

The Things We Do For Love - arranged marriage request

Two for Two - fluff piece request

Into the Woods - smut request

Christmas Countdown - Everlark with toddlers request

Four (it seems to be the magic number) drabbles, imaginatively titled. Seriously, if someone wants to help me title those darn things let me know.

Untitled Drabble #1 - an Everlark one night stand that doesn’t go as expected

Untitled Drabble #2 - a Father’s Day themed drabble

Untitled Drabble #3 - where Peeta really doesn’t want to be living in his parent’s basement anymore

Untitled Drabble #4 - based on the prompt ‘you’ve moved into the house next to my mom’s and she has you doing her housework.’

Nessian

The Threads That Bind Us - based off the idea that Cassian is being introduced to Nesta’s existence one painful moment at a time

To the Victor the Spoils - Cassian’s experiences in the Illyrian training camps

In the Darkness of the Sea - a Nesta angst piece reflecting on what it was like in the cauldron

Amongst the Archives - when Feyre and Rhys start reading notes from Cassian to Nesta that really aren’t intended for their eyes

You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know - Cassian and the entirety of the universe work something out before Nesta does

So, here are my plans. Plans I am desperate to commit to and so by writing this down for the eyes of others to see I am hoping it will keep me on the path! Obviously more may get added on because I am An Idiot.

In no particular order:

Everlark

Untitled Drabble - based on prompt ‘my kid just shot a bottle rocket into your window’

Untitled Drabble - based on prompt ‘we’re both in the vegetable aisle and I just burst into tears while staring at the cabbages’

Artemis Rising - artist Peeta and gallery visitor Katniss, where some of the pieces look a little familiar to her eyes...

What Goes Around - technically this is something I started for Everlark fic exchange based on a college AU prompt. My plan is to definitely continue this one!

Reformation - gain something I started for the Everlark fic exchange based on an Everlark historical AU. I have this outlined out, I just need to write it!

Trick or Treat - continuation of something I wrote for Halloween a couple of years ago

Untitled WIP - based on victor Peeta and seam Katniss married to Gale

The Wrong Boy - Katniss making choices. Or not.

Untitled Drabble #4 continuation - I’m gonna do it

Everlark Birthday Gift for September - I’m actually gonna have to do it

Christmas Everlark Piece for 2018- so far I have done something for Everlark each Christmas and I don’t want to stop now

Nessian

TBC #1 - a destructive Nesta POV piece

TBC #2 - pregnant Nesta where Cassian isn’t taking the news as well as could be expected...

TBC #3 - Azriel and Nesta as friends, based on a prompt from a while ago

Surprise Party - yep. Where everyone gets a surprise. Modern au.

The Six That Came Before - Cassian reflection on the six women that came into Cassian’s life

Untitled WIP - modern au where Cassian and Nesta are exes and Cassian starts seeing someone new

Mile High - a modern au with Cassian as a pilot & Nesta as one of his first class passengers

In the Garden, Among the Flowers - Nessian viewed through the eyes of others

It doesn’t seem like a lot but it feels like a lot especially as I take about a trillion years to do anything.

I am desperately trying to get back into the writing malarkey and will also take any prompts if anyone wants me to write anything as it might just inspire me!

#my writing #fan fiction #drabbles #everlark #nessian

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g0ldpainted · 6 years

Text

3rd December - CtC’17

King!Noctis cheating on fem!S/O Part 2

Hey guys! For today I finally decided to drop the second part of the cheating fic for Noctis.

1st Part ; 2nd Part ; 3rd Part // Gladio cheating 1 ; 2 ; 3 // Prompto cheating 1 ; 2 ; 3 // Ignis cheating 1 ; 2 // Ravus cheating

Words: 4k

Genre: Drama, broken-hearted, trying to heal, sadness, misfortune, someone tries to get revenge, (broken) family life

Spoilers: Don’t think so

Trigger warning: cheating, suicide attempt, depression, self-harm/self-destruction, breakdown (it’s in the tags, too)

READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! The entire part is below the read more.

Over the past years, a lot changed for the worse. The only bright thing left in their relationship was their baby, Noctis' heir. The pregnancy wasn't easy, his S/O couldn't enjoy it nearly as much as she ever imagined. All kinds of symptoms overwhelmed her to no end over months. While Noctis was around almost the entire time, barely left for business trips, their marriage was crumbling with each day. She could no longer look into his eyes, couldn't believe anything he said. And he couldn't find ways to make up for his behavior. Every time they ate dinner, an uncomfortable silence filled the room. They had no words left for one another. Sometimes his wife began to cry, right out of nowhere, but there was nothing he could do about it. To say she was unhappy would be an underestimation. She was broken, recalling what she witnessed while bearing their love child, his heir.

On rare occasions she tried to harm herself, tore hair out, cut her skin open - being with him, seeing him every day worsened her condition greatly. It didn't help that they had to maintain a glowing, happy façade for the public. No one was allowed to know that the king chose to cheat on his wife. She wasn't allowed to leave either. By contract, Noctis would have to lock her away if she would try to run off or leave him anyhow. That way they ensured family-intruders wouldn't be able to share royal secrets to the mass out of spite of anything. His clean image was of utmost importance. When his S/O signed that contract, she never considered him cheating an option, back then, she didn't worry about it.

But now she was trapped.

As they announced their pregnancy in front of a huge crowd, were being filmed for television, too, people pointed out that they could see cuts on their queen's arms. Her sleeve rose just enough for a few to be revealed. Even though they cheered for the soon-to-be-born heir, they were worried for their queen. So worried that she had to release a statement video, blatantly lie in everyone's faces that it was an accident, that she was helping gardeners and cut herself with a pair of scissors. To give the video a positive touch, she revealed their baby's gender: a male. They were expecting a son. And while all insomnia celebrated the baby, speculated about possible names, the queen just wanted to end it all.

Her depression became worse every day. Noctis surely noticed, tried to fix it by giving her little gifts every now and then.. But that didn't help. He stopped inviting that woman - any women - over, wanted his wife to know that he loved her and only desired her.. But she refused to let him touch her. Throughout the entire pregnancy, they didn't share any physical intimacy - actually, they no longer shared any kind of intimacy.

Even as she gave birth, her heart was frozen. She couldn't be happy about their son, Aidan, being born. Although the little bean was undoubtedly cute and very adorable, it just reminded her of Noctis and their failed attempt at being a married couple. His S/O often blamed herself for it, called herself foolish for getting married to a king so soon. But she was convinced he loved her unconditionally which was why she agreed to it.

Now that their baby was born, they were forced to spend more time together, both had to take part in caring for him. She could no longer dodge her husband. They spoke about their little baby: how to raise him, what he'd look like in the future, what his first word might be. Eventually, they ended up speaking about the whole cheating ordeal. He sincerely wanted to apologize, took her out to dinner, planned multiple dates. Feeling lonely and drained of all kinds of affection, the queen reluctantly agreed. She knew she wouldn't be able to live this lie for forever, her last bit of hope clung to fixing their marriage - for their baby boy, for the kingdom. When she signed that marriage contract, she had given up her last bits of selfishness and replaced it with selflessness, trying to fix what they had was the last thing she could do.

It took them another year to finally kiss again and on Aidan's second birthday, she gave in to temptation, had sex with him. Sleeping with him let her mind wander off, made her feel something when she usually felt empty. It had little to no meaning to her, was really just a distraction. But even then, their relationship was still a mess.

Noctis' S/O was still heavily depressed, still relied on antidepressants to lift her mood anyhow. At least she learned to enjoy spending time with their son and the couple mastered pretending to be happy. Everyone was pleased with their appearances, especially when they brought their son. After the queen slowly, physically opened up to her husband again, they also chose to share public kisses - it was all to maintain that façade. Together, they even worked on the queen's health. Noctis ensured only the best doctors would counsel her. He sincerely wanted his wife to get better. Her self-harming actions didn't stay unnoticed but when asked about it, she was quick to change the subject. But, eventually, she began to get better. On top of that, their relationship sparked up just a little. It was their son who brought them closer together again.

Nonetheless, the queen was - by far - not ready to forgive the king, her life was still in shambles and she was still in the process of healing. What they had was more of a friends with benefits relationship, not one lovers would share. At least, they were improving for their son. Aidan was their motivation to get better. He was supposed to grow up in a healthy family environment. He wasn’t supposed to know his parents were struggling to stay together. And so far, it worked well. The little bean was growing steadily and loved spending time with his parents.

It was when Noctis' affair revealed how he cheated on his wife that it all began to collapse again. Newspapers wrote about it, TV channels broadcasted it, showed the king's and queen's top 10 appearances as a couple to reminiscence about the past, paparazzi were waiting at the entrance of the citadel for one of them to give a statement. And juicy details, including pictures, were released as well.

That was when his S/O had a breakdown.

A lot of details were too much for her; she didn't want to know how many times and where Noctis cheated on her. Nor did she want to see pictures of it. But they existed.. And they were dragged through all media. Although they were censored, she couldn't avoid them. So hard had she tried to suppress her sadness over it, fake a happiness that didn't exist anymore, that was now overwhelming her. Magazines even compare the queen's body to the affair's, some dared to make it seem like it was her fault.

This went on for days before Noctis finally released a public statement concerning this scandal. He admitted to it, apologized to his wife, begged for privacy and announced he would sue his affair. It wasn't satisfying anyone. They all wanted more juicy information, reasons why, wanted more details to gossip about. The nation ended up demanding a statement from his wife, wanted to know how she was handling the situation. But she couldn't do it. Talking about how she wasn't good enough would only make her feel worse again. On top of that, she simply didn't want people to know how much she was suffering.

By the time all photos were taken off the web and magazines who printed them were sued, a video spread. It was filmed out of Noctis' point of view, he wasn't on it.. But she clearly recognized his moans. The queen wasn't too fond of the internet anymore, didn't even use it since his cheating was revealed but someone directly sent the video to her. She watched it, froze all over again.

Every doubt, every stinging heartache returned.

Aidan was a smart toddler, he noticed that his mother wasn't doing good just as much as he saw his father tensing up around everyone. There was no fooling the little boy. He was incredibly alerted when, instead of his parents, only his dad or a nanny took him to bed. His mother almost vanished from his life. He sure missed spending more time with her - and she sure missed him.. But she stopped functioning. The queen canceled all appearances, didn't leave the citadel anymore because she relapsed. It wasn't the video that drove her over the edge, it was the accusation that Noctis last cheated on his wife eight months ago. True or not, she couldn't stand the thought that her husband cheated on her again - even after knowing how hard it hit her before. While the sex tape was deleted within an hour and the uploader sued as well, it only provided so much comfort for Noctis. It didn't help his S/O cope. The king was being dragged for how he could cheat on such a wonderful person all over the world. He was shamed by everyone. People wondered how the queen contemplated going on but they never got a proper response. The love she felt for her little family, her son and Noctis, was immense.. But not big enough to stop her from having suicidal thoughts. Actually, she hated herself for still loving Noctis. His scent, his eyes, his voice, his gentle touches. Aside from him cheating, everything about him seemed so perfect to her.

When someone snuck into their garden while she was playing in it with their son, asking her about the cheating, forcing a camera into her face along with the photos, she lost it. She ticked off. Luckily, guards brought the intruders out before she was forced to reply. Nonetheless, that was the last bit she needed to completely sink into darkness. The constant reminder of being the first queen to have been cheated on in all history sure felt bad. It made her feel worthless. It wasn't something she wanted to be known for. Especially the rumors that he last cheated on her eight months ago just made it worse. It added to the feeling because Noctis was very well aware of her state back then. And if he chose to cheat, that meant he didn't respect her, simply didn't care about her. Overthinking this made her heart ache. Unfortunately, no one knew that, though. Eventually, when she brought her son to bed that night, she settled for it being their final goodbye. She couldn't take it anymore. The blaming, the constant comparing, the ongoing reminders of better times, the shame, the sadness, the feeling of not being good enough.

Even though most of her friends reached out to her, noticed that with each passing day, her face looked emptier, she didn't want to be a burden to them, didn't share her struggles. And Noctis wasn't home when she decided that her life would have to end. All day long, she had been feeling utterly terrible. Her depression, her negativity, and endless sadness got the best of her. Lastly, she believed Noctis would be happier with someone else.

She didn't want to be a burden to her own family anymore.

So with teary eyes, she headed into the bedroom, then the bathroom she shared with her husband for so many years. Thoughts were running through her head that no one beside her could understand. Looking at herself in the mirror upset her. The scars on her wrist suddenly made her feel so stupid, those were flaws she could no longer get rid of. And her face.. She began to hate her face. The wrinkles, the birthmarks, the unclear skin, how unaligned her eyes were compared to Noctis' affair.. The queen felt ugly, unworthy. All her progress had been thrown into trash within a short time frame. Her self-esteem was heavily damaged, her self-worth, too.

She saw no other way out. She wanted to die.

Unable to stand her own reflection, she slammed her fist against the mirror in front of her, breaking it into pieces before breaking down entirely. A kneejerk reaction. Taking a razor blade, she placed it on her wrist. Her body was shaking, tears were dropping onto her clothes. She was overthinking. From the moment she first met Noctis, to when they had their first date, kissed and ended up dating. They were so happy. His proposal, their wedding, their honeymoon, making love, traveling.

"What made him lose his interest in me? What made me so worthless?" she thought to herself, crying, "Why wasn't I good enough?"

How hard they tried to conceive, all the struggles, obstacles they overcame. And then she was pregnant. And found out he cheated. Repeatedly. Remembering how he slept with that woman, all the pictures, the video, the details, the entire scene, grossed her out, depressed her. Her life was merely a hollow shell of what it used to be. She didn't want this anymore. While all kinds of thoughts ran through her mind, she started pushing the blade into her skin, blood was quick to run. In the end, she pulled through, tore her skin open with it. Groaning, she sunk to the ground, in tears. With the little feeling left in her other hand, she prepared to tear her other wrist open. Just when she pushed it through her flesh, a familiar voice spoke to her.

"What're you doing!?" Noctis shouted out of nowhere, suddenly standing in the doorframe.

Glancing up at him, she started sobbing. She could hardly make out his frame, her vision was too blurry from her own tears.

"What is he doing here" she wondered to herself, "He was supposed to be traveling until tomorrow.."

"Guards! Call the nurse!" he screamed as he stormed towards his wife, hoping that the guards in front of their room heard, "Hurry the fuck up!"

"Shit.. What're.-.. Holy astrals.." he mumbled, ripping the razor blade from her and quickly taking a towel, anything to press against her wound, "By the astrals.."

Before she could say another word, he wrapped an arm around her, pulled her into a hug while his other hand applied pressure to her wound. She was beginning to lose consciousness as blood ran out of her wound, soaking the towel fairly quick.

"(Y/N).. I love you so much, so fucking much, please.. Please stay with me" he begged, whined, cried into her neck.

"I-.." she wanted to reply but her body was already too weak.

"The nurse will be here in a moment, please, please stay awake. Think of Aidan. Please think of your son, he loves you - he needs you" Noctis rambled on, holding her tight against his chest.

Her breathing began to shallow while her body was in panic mode - her heart raced.

"I'm so, so sorry, (Y/N). I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I was being such a fool. I'm sorry I did this. This is all my fault.. I know-. I.. Shit, please stay with me" he whispered, crying into her neck, "Aidan needs you. I need you."

Tears still ran down her face, occasional sobs escaped her mouth but she couldn't speak. Her mouth ran dry.

"Please.. I love you" he begged her but with each moment passing by, her body grew limper in his arms.

She was close to losing her consciousness.

By the time the nurse rushed in, about 7 minutes had passed. It didn't look too bright at first, she had lost a huge amount of blood. But she was okay. The nurse sewed her cuts on the scene, then she was transitioned to the royal hospital - a large room in the basement of the citadel. Usually, she would've been transmitted to an actual hospital but for the sake of privacy, a doctor was called over to their citadel instead. The stitches weren't final yet, were just a temporary solution that had to be re-done by an actual doctor. He sewed her cut again, bandaged her wrists right after and gave her sleeping medicine while watching her stats on various monitors to ensure she was stable. While she was sleeping, Noctis stayed by her side. Not once did he leave her. In hopes she'd know he was with her, he clutched onto her hands carefully. Even Aidan awoke in the middle of the night. He didn't see his mother's injury but he noticed she was taken to the hospital. Of course, he wanted to join, nagged Noctis until he brought him down here.

So now their son was sleeping beside his mother on a chair, cuddled up with his favorite plushy's and blankets. Noctis, on the other hand, couldn't catch any sleep.

For the past three days in which his wife stayed unconscious, he didn't sleep a single hour. At most dozed off for a few minutes. He neglected all his royal duties just to stay with her. Noctis had to see her wake up, had to see that she was okay. Doctors even spoke about permanent damage the blood loss might've caused but fortunately, the queen remained unharmed. The only permanent damage she'd take were the scars from her actions.

When she first began to open her eyes, Noctis breath hitched, his mouth falling agape. For a few moments, she didn't realize where she was nor what was going on, didn't remember what she did that night. It was when she saw Noctis' tears that she broke down herself. She remembered that she attempted suicide and that he showed up last minute.

"I'm so sorry" he repeatedly whispered, gently pulling his wife into his arms as he sobbed "I love you so much."

Her mouth was beyond dry by now, she couldn't speak yet, only hugged him back and cried in his neck. She felt ashamed of her actions but couldn't quite tell if she was relieved or sad that she survived. The smile of her little toddler gave her the answer: she was relieved. Seeing her small bundle of joy wobble towards her and climbing up the hospital bed only so he could hug her made her break into a complete waterfall.

"Mommy! You're awake" he proclaimed, hugging her gently, "I missed you."

Slowly lifting her bandaged arms, his mother hugged him back, pressing his little body against hers tightly.

"I missed you, too" she whispered into his ear, wiping her tears away in the process.

"When can we play outside again?" he asked right away, slowly sitting down on his mom's legs.

Unsure of what to say, she glanced at Noctis for help.

"Mom will take a few more days to recover, she needs to take it slow" he jumped in, quickly wiping some of his tears away with his sleeve, "But we could play some later if you want, champ."

Before their son could react anyhow, the queen hopped in: "You're off..?"

"I'm off all month - I.. I wanted to be with my family" he explained, smiling softly.

"Yeah! Let's play hide'n'seek!" Aiden proclaimed, turning around to look at his dad, "But.. Daddy why are you crying, too? Mommy is happy but.. Are you sad?"

"No, no Aiden, I'm very, very happy" Noctis elaborated, smiling softly as his son frowned in confusion.

"It's called happy tears, remember?" the queen reminded her son, running a hand through his dark locks.

"Ooh, yeah, happy tears" he nodded, suddenly understanding.

A few moments of complete and utter silence followed. Noctis held on to his wife's hand whenever he could, smiled softly at his little family that was so close to breaking. The queen tried to hold back her tears, tried to keep from apologizing a trillion times and instead took in the moment. Little Aiden didn't understand the outburst. To him, his mother had just been asleep for a few days - probably from exhaustion. No one mentioned a suicide attempt or any injuries to him - he wasn't supposed to know, not yet, not ever. Nonetheless, he was happy to see his mother.

Just when Noctis started embracing the most treasured and loved people in his life, nurses and the doctor came in. Even they were visibly relieved that the queen had finally awoken. The country would really be at a loss if it weren't for her immense efforts.. And of course Noctis', too.

Over the course of the next weeks, together as a family, they worked on improving themselves. Noctis and his wife had a sincere talk about what went on. For once, she wanted all the details, the entire truth. Turns out the affair really did lie about certain aspects. However, the videos and photos were foolishly taken by the king himself. Nonetheless, his affair was rotting in prison for bad mouthing and spreading media despite not being allowed to. The queen in return opened up to her husband, shared her troubles and internal fights with him, all of them, the worries in her head, the voices, how media got to her and she could no longer find a way to trust him entirely.

And he understood. She didn't need to mention wanting to break free from her duty as queen and wife of him, he knew.

Because he truly loved her, didn't ever want to hurt her again and much less wanted to torture her by forcing her to be with him, he decided to go against the contract the kings before him set that both his wife and him signed.

He let her go. Partly.

It was easier said than done. While they agreed on separating as lovers, he couldn't just let her get out of her queen status. His wife had been coronated, there was no way to undo that. All he could do was take over her duties so she wouldn't have to worry about them - but she had to stay the queen on the papers. For now. It wasn't as easy as a normal couple getting a divorce. They couldn't do it. Lawyers checked, Ignis checked, he triple checked. It was impossible. However, Noctis assured her that it was only on the papers. That she could go and live with whomever she wanted to soon. And that soon came faster than she ever thought it would.

Once a couple months had passed and journalists weren't glued to the citadel anymore, she left. After so many years of being together, it sure wasn't easy to turn her back to her beloved ex. Just because they separated doesn't mean she didn't harbor the slightest feelings for him anymore. Noctis still meant the world to her and so did Aiden. But she knew she had to set sail - at least for a bit. Constantly being glued to the one who hurt her so severely didn't help her get better. She thought of her temporary leaving as a form of rehab. Of course, she'd come back after a bit. Aiden had to stay at the citadel because of his special education, she was sure to miss him. At the same time, she was convinced this would help her, though. Perhaps it'd open her eyes, make her realize how she truly feels about Noctis. Maybe she'd leave for good, maybe she'd stay. For now, she didn't want to worry. Noctis gave her all possible options; she could come back or they could find another solution for her visiting Aiden regularly.

All she wanted was to take in the fresh air in Galdin Quay, let strangers massage her, eat delicious food, meet new people, even go fishing. She wanted a calm, typical everyday life vacation. And after that, she'd consider her next move. One thing was for sure, Noctis would always be a big part of her life. And Aiden was her world.

A/N: Want a third part concluding how her life went on? Choose the couples fate by voting here (it’s a strawpoll, no registration/info needed, just two clicks & it’s anonymous). You have until the 17th December 2017. Any votes added after that won’t count. The poll will be deleted shortly after. Poll has been deleted, results are final ^^.

I’ve never done this before but I thought this would be a good opportunity to try it. I've always wanted to try adding interactive elements and involving you in the stories and how they progress. c:

Feel free to leave me feedback on this, I’d love to hear from you. ^^

2nd December ; 3rd December ; 4th December ; 5th December ; 6th December ; 7th December ; 8th December ; 9th December ; 10th December ; 11th December ; 12th December ; 13th December ; 14th December ; 15th December ; 16th December ; 17th December ; 18th December ; 19th December ; 20th December ; 21st December ; 22nd December ; 23rd December ; 24th December ; 25th December

Masterlist ; 1st Part ; 2nd Part ; 3rd Part // Gladio cheating 1 ; 2 ; 3 // Prompto cheating 1 ; 2 ; 3 // Ignis cheating 1 ; 2 // Ravus cheating

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