#(also the amount of time i spent drawing rocks for this was so sad omg) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blkpnkwriting · 5 years

Text

something to nothing

part i. / part ii.

Lisa x Reader

Warnings: swearing, alcohol, all the Lisa angst

Word count: 6,414

NOTE: “Hi!! Not sure if ur taking requests or not and I'm super sorry for bothering u with this if ur not but if u r, is it possible to request a part 2 for something to nothing? Love ur writing by the way!! Thanks for all the amazing stories!!”

there was also another request that i lost in tumblr for this as well aslkdfjaslkdjg SORRY but omg here we are and i sincerely hope everyone enjoys !!!

happy holidays and happy new year’s !!! xoxo Q 💕

“I’m sorry,” you whispered brokenly. Again.

How many times was it going to be like this? Salt stained lips parted and you watched as Jennie didn’t bother to wipe them away even as you slipped the back of your hand across your mouth. The same gesture meant to clear the memory away as well.

Every time you closed your eyes and tried to let Jennie near, all you could picture was her.

Jennie knew and she understood. A sad smile appeared like it always did and she wrapped you in her arms, expecting the tears to fall more freely as they often did on her shoulder. The sobs cracked through your ribs. You couldn’t keep doing this to Jennie. Told her that. The only response you got in return was always the same. That she would always be there for you, to be the strength you couldn’t find some days.

It wasn’t fair.

.♡.

You had found a dear friend in Jennie. In some ways, you thought she needed you too. You frequented the bar she tended most weekends, when there was the time to spare. Drinks were on the house but you tipped her anyway, sneaking the bills into the jar when she wasn’t looking, lest she pull them out and toss them back in your face with a blown kiss. She was too good to you, and god, why couldn’t you just fall in love with her instead?

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that her heart wasn’t completely in it either. You never asked — never felt your place to — but there was something holding her back. Someone. And you knew just where to look in her features to catch that glimpse of regret you were all together too familiar with.

It was fleeting. But if you were careful, you could see it. In the late hours of the bar, when there were few to serve and mindless chores to cater, Jennie would stand there. At the end of the bar, cleaning a glass that had already been polished. Cat-like eyes staring off into the inky dark distance but with a melancholy to them that made your heart weep. It would last a moment, and then she would find her answer somewhere out there in the black and look away. The moment would pass. You would look away before she could notice you watching her.

You’d never want to interrupt a moment like that, especially ask about it.

.♡.

“The bar’s hosting a Christmas party this weekend,” Jennie informed, sliding over your usual lemon vodka on the rocks. You opened your mouth to reply (to decline) but she knew you better by now and continued, “And you’re coming. I want you to meet my friend, Jisoo. You’ll love her, and that way, you won’t feel alone while I’m trying to be two people at once.”

“There’s no use arguing, is there?” you replied, smirking. You took a sip from the tumbler, smacking your lips at how she managed to perfectly mix it every time. You didn’t even need to pop in the lemon wedge she sliced neatly and perched on the rim.

Jennie shook her head with a smile. “You’ll enjoy it. And you’ll need to dress up. It’s an event, actually. We’re part of the Santa Claus pub crawl but we also have our own costume party during it, so people dress up as anything Christmas related. Best ugly sweater gets free drinks for the rest of the night!”

“Ugly sweater it is.” The thought of meeting Jennie’s friend dressed as Slutty Mrs. Claus was less than appealing.

The bartender laughed despite herself, only stopping to take an order from a man who had stepped up beside you. The beer hissed, bubbling over slightly as she cracked the top off with practice and tossed the cap into a bucket nearby, handing over the drink. “You mean you don’t want to dress up as some promiscuous version of Vixen? You won’t be the only one.”

“I’ll pass,” you scoffed behind your drink. When Jennie raised a brow and you rolled your eyes, you amended, “On the costume. I’ll come to the party.”

.♡.

You were regretting the stuffy, ugly Christmas sweater by your fourth drink. That might’ve been the alcohol making it worse. Or the amount of people crammed in the bar.

Jisoo was just as amazing as Jennie promised. More than, even. The girl never met a stranger, a personality so charming it made you jealous because how could someone be so perfect? Nonetheless, she did well in keeping you involved and keeping you happy. Freeing your mind the second a storm cloud looked about ready to pass over your face. And if you were beginning to sulk, she made sure to push another drink into your hand and add another kiss mark to your cheek. She said it was a tally on how many you shots you had taken but you were sure they were starting to overlap and lose mark.

“I need some air!” you shouted over the strange variation of club and Christmas music that you actually quite liked even if you couldn’t hear anything else.

“Want me to come with you?” Jisoo yelled back, already setting down her mostly empty drink, licking shimmering pink lips that oddly enough reminded you of a heart. Behind her, Jennie was taking the glass away, glancing at you every few seconds.

“No, I’ll be right back!”

Jisoo’s hand hesitated on your arm as you turned to walk away. Your eyes scanned the crowd, a mix of Santa Clauses in various stages of undress, reindeer, elves, and whatever remotely related to the holiday. There was even a girl who managed to pull off wearing a set of bows as her outfit, and you had to applaud her bravery. It looked great but you could never. Setting your best course through the sea of merriness, you started off.

The room tilted and you stumbled into a shirtless partier. You were going to apologize for being so rude and jostling his drink down his glittery chest, but over his shoulder you saw her.

Or so you thought.

The words lodged in your throat. The bump forgotten. The man moved on without foul but you were craning your neck and trying to find the vision again. You couldn’t, and you were thinking it wasn’t even real, but the bile that tainted your mouth was and you had to get outside now.

The crisp air burned in your lungs but you gulped it down anyway. It steadied you, brought sobriety to your brain. What little it could. Most days were spent in some level of stupor because you couldn’t handle it. Anything. And this was proof. One little glimpse of disheveled blonde hair and high cheekbones and you thought it was her. There were plenty of girls out there who probably looked like her.

Lie.

Why couldn’t you move on?

Because you love her.

But she moved on, she’s with someone else, she’s happier without you —

Stop. Please.

Brick dug into the palms of your hands. You had managed to stumble around the side of the bar, somewhere Jennie couldn’t see you. And couldn’t save you. God, you were going to throw up right here, weren’t you?

It had been months. Too long. Just the mere sight of her made you sick. Because she wasn’t yours.

Never had been and never will be.

Drunken calls and whoops echoed down the alley, disorienting you further as they bounced. Red and green lights flickered above you, hanging like drops of dyed ice from the gutters and awnings. You were still hot and you were reaching down to rip off your sweater, sit down in the dirty snow under you, wanting to cry —

“She’s here, isn’t she?”

The voice cut through the cold haze. You looked up sharply to see Jennie slipping and sliding a little in her heels as she navigated the alley toward you, stopping only to put a steadying hand on your shoulder. You were keeled over, you realized, looking about ready to retch. The moment she touched you, hell, the moment you heard Jennie’s voice, it all started to melt away.

“I don’t know,” you said truthfully. Tearfully. You sniffled, wiping at your nose, feeling how cool you had become despite the confused heat of the panic attack that had you believing differently. “I think so? I — I don’t know…”

“It’s okay,” Jennie hushed, stepping closer. Drawing you into a hug, warming you. You closed your eyes, inhaling her familiar scent and the sweat of the overpopulated bar. She stopped working for you. “It gets easier — the first time is always the hardest.”

Her words opened your eyes, and you pulled back a little to find hers. See that sorrow you never questioned. The tears that danced in the light but never fell.

“You…” There was nothing you could say.

Somehow Jennie knew. And she nodded. And she hugged you again.

.♡.

It had been a week since then.

It had been another party since then. A house party with close friends like Jisoo and Jennie, and too many cocktails.

Jennie sat with you in a closet, drinking her courage as she cried.

You weren’t alone. You weren’t the only one left behind. Jennie saw the same in you as she had witnessed herself, that first time you had met at the bar. There was no way in her good conscience that she could have left you alone to pick up the pieces of what remained of you, much like Jisoo had been there to do the same for Jennie.

Now? Jennie was okay, and she said each day she could breathe a little better. Even if the metaphorical scar remained from where her heart had been ripped apart.

That was what she meant. That night at the Christmas party. It gets easier. And seeing what you had thought had been her for the first time since… since the last time was hard. But the worst was over, Jennie assured. If it happened again, you wouldn’t grow sick and want to scream and cry and never see the light of day again.

It had been a week.

You sat at the bar and threw peanuts in the air, attempting to land even just one in Jennie’s waiting mouth. You had always been a bad aim. You laughed as you missed again and Jennie groaned, grabbing a nearby broom.

“I swear you just doubled how much I’ll have to clean tonight.”

“Maybe if I had something to motivate me, I would care enough to actually make one in your mouth.”

“Wanna bet?” Jennie jumped at the chance. You rolled your eyes. “Every time you miss, it’s a shot. Every time you make it, I take a shot. Deal?”

“I’m gonna be an alcoholic by the end of this.” You popped a peanut into your mouth. For protein and to laden your stomach before you inevitably drank your weight in liquor.

“You should’a realized that when you became best friends with a bartender,” said she, reaching along a shelf to select a cheap bottle the bar could afford to lose. You stole that moment to smile sheepishly, a bit of light in your life in the form of Jennie. Your best friend.

The next series of tosses went surprisingly even, and didn’t stop until Jennie was sloshing more of the drink across the bar than into the shot glasses and you were laughing when you rested your elbow and slipped on the tarnished wood. You banged your arm but the alcohol kept the pain at bay for the morning, where a bruise would remind you that you could be happy like this. That you didn’t have to torment yourself with thoughts and memories.

It was getting easier.

That’s what you tried to hold onto as Jennie’s hand rested jovially on your thigh, as you watched her laugh that adorable laugh and she tossed back chocolate waves of hair and you motioned to clink your glass to hers and missed, tipping nearly out of your stool if she wasn’t right there in front of you to catch you.

Jennie caught you that night and she caught you now. Just maybe, it wouldn’t hurt when you pressed to her mouth and she was kissing you back. It didn’t hurt, even as your lips slid along hers and a leaden tongue sought entrance.

But maybe it was that lack of fine control. Alcohol was like that, providing false confidence and then sweeping the carpet out from under you. When you fell, it hurt. The picture clashed behind your eyes, and abruptly, Jennie was losing reality. Chocolate became honey blonde, and the hand on your hip suddenly mirrored the one that used to hold you down with a grip like she would lose you if she let go, and the noise you heard in the back of her throat was the sound of Lisa’s voice when she said —

“Get off of her!”

This time, someone else was tearing you and Jennie apart instead of your own guilt and shame.

You were out of your seat, stumbling drunkenly on unsure feet, a hand twisted around your wrist as you were ushered behind a figure that hadn’t been there seconds ago. It took your brain several kicks to register, to comprehend, what had happened, and you glanced at the shock riddling Jennie’s features before forcing glassy eyes up to the blonde hair you had been imagining.

Lisa.

“Seriously, it’s not what it looked like,” Jennie slurred, blinking rapidly but expression melting into something like it was all just a misunderstanding, like it wasn’t as dire as it seemed.

You were shell-shocked.

“What are you doing here?”

The words came before you could stop them and they were surprisingly level for all the things you felt right now.

Lisa turned on you then. Anger written in the snarl of her nude lips, the slant of her brows, the glare of her eyes, but all that softened the moment she saw you. Her hair was drawn up in a high ponytail, like she hadn’t the time to change after work. You took in the scarf around her neck against the bite of the cold, and the long grey peacoat, and remembered the position she held at her job now, the promotion she failed to tell you about until you were confronting her about it.

You remembered the boyfriend and the bile started its acrid crawl back up your throat.

There must have been something on your face then because Lisa was losing traction. She glanced between you and then Jennie, and then down to the wrist she still held tightly in her grasp, having torn you away from the sight she had seen. From where? Where did she come from? How did she know you would be here? What was she doing here? She never answered you. Until —

“I — I don’t know.”

It was uncanny how she repeated the same words you uttered the night of the Christmas party. Brown eyes turned caramel danced in the low light, fresh tears catching the reflection. She looked beautiful and torn and… like a stranger.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

And then she was letting you go. It felt like a burn remained where her fingers released your wrist. Tapered heels clacked against the floorboards in the now empty bar, and whereas you couldn’t find her before, you were free to watch her leave. She headed for the door without so much as a backward glance, bursting through into the snow speckled wind.

.♡.

It felt like a dream. Or more like a bad dream. Not quite a nightmare but nothing pleasant you would try to cling to in the early hours of a morning to relish.

Jennie tried to distract you in the same vein as apologize. She had nothing to apologize for, and really, you felt like you should be the one to say sorry, realizing later that Lisa had shoved Jennie out of her seat and away from you.

It didn’t bother Jennie, and she didn’t hesitate to embrace you when she saw you next. There was a moment of mutuality, and then she was teaching you how to mix cocktails with Jisoo who had a day off and wanted to spend it with you both.

Jisoo butchered yet another vibrant green lime with a knife she blamed poor maintenance of and so Jennie left to fetch a fresh batch when the door to the bar opened far earlier than any patrons dared to drink.

A girl with pale pink hair and a cute, meek smile and a body molded like a model strode in, bouquet of summer flowers cradled in her arms. You had no time to ponder the appearance, even ask what she could be here for, before Jisoo was digging the tip of the blade she still held into the chopping board, and yes it was still sharp for how it gouged the weathered wood, but what rattled your spine was the look you had never seen twist Jisoo’s features in the slightest.

“Get out.”

The voice was not her own but it still came from Jisoo. It made you feel like you should leave, but she was clearly talking to the newcomer.

“You don’t need to see her.”

The smile on the girl’s face faltered, becoming wary, and then her eyes shifted from you and Jisoo to the return behind the bar.

“Okay, I’m afraid to see you murder another poor —— Rosé…”

Jennie’s hands must’ve gone numb as the small box of fetched limes fell from them and bounced across the floor. Neither you nor Jisoo moved to pick them up.

“Hi,” Rosé murmured a sing-song voice, trying not to look at anyone else but Jennie. After a moment, she stepped forward, glancing at the bundle of flowers before lifting them up as if they couldn’t be seen. “These are for you.”

Still, Jennie didn’t move a muscle. Jisoo chewed her lip until you were sure you saw blood dotting her white teeth, knife still clutched in her hands. You felt suspended, out of place. Rosé saw that Jennie didn’t budge so she took another brave step closer to the bar and set them down on the counter, patting where the cord tied them all together, and then retreated back a pace.

It felt private, and so you removed the knife from Jisoo’s hand and replaced it with your own, forcing her to help you pick up the limes and then yourselves.

.♡.

The girl you came to familiarize as Rosé returned at random intervals. Sometimes with flowers to brighten the winter dull, sometimes with a coffee procured to Jennie’s exact taste after a long night, and then with movie tickets.

Each time, Jennie grew softer. But never gave in. A quiet thank you for the gifts. A second of eye contact. The briefest of touches on their fingertips.

“I can’t accept this,” Jennie said after she rebuffed the contact and the tickets. You stood to the side, wiping down the counter for her. At this point, you were an honorary employee who didn’t get paid. Not that you minded.

“I knew you’d say that,” the pink-haired girl replied, tucking a wild lock behind her ear, a small smile on her lips. “That’s why I bought four.”

That caught Jennie off-guard, and she spluttered out, “Four?”

Rosé nodded excitedly. She had gotten braver over the visits, seeing you there with Jennie most of them, and she turned to you now to hold out a ticket she revealed hidden behind the rest. “Would you like to come? It wouldn’t be right without Jennie’s best friend there.”

You opened your mouth to — accept? Decline? — glancing at Jennie for any sway in the decision.

A gust of cool February air wafted your back. Before you could turn, you glimpsed the look on Jennie’s face morphing from confusion to concern, something else to focus on. Goosebumps prickled your arms.

“Actually, I was hoping she could come with me.”

Jennie was around the bar and at your side in a blink of an eye. Fingers prodded at the inside of your wrist, prepared to shield you, and it made your heart flutter. Or it could have been who was speaking.

Lisa looked breathless, like she had run here. You knew it was because she was nervous. Knew it without even thinking about it.

“I have four!” Rosé interjected, oblivious to the tension. She held them up, fanned for good measure, smiling brilliantly like it was the answer to all their problems. “I don’t think Jisoo would’ve come anyway, and if she did, it would’ve been to try and drown me in my coke.”

You didn’t miss the fond tilt to Jennie’s eyes as she glanced at Rosé.

“That could be fun,” Lisa said, fingers wringing together in front of her. Warm brown eyes gazed into yours, too intently, and it had to be because she didn’t want to see the way Jennie’s hand still rested loosely on yours at your side. “If that’s alright with you?”

Your heart was in your throat. Why was she here now? You knew logically that you should say no, that you shouldn’t let her back into your life after she so willingly left it.

What did you say you were to her — a coffee cup sleeve, picked apart and thrown away?

You didn’t have to answer.

“No.” Jennie was speaking, a hard line to her voice, cutting. It worked. It cut through Lisa and you saw it in how she practically sagged from the blow, the smile cracking. It hurt you still to see that. “You’ve done enough.”

“Jennie,” Rosé chided, she too losing her enthusiasm. When she reached out to touch the bartender’s arm, Jennie jerked away, against you. Rosé recoiled like she had been shocked.

“What’s going on?” Jennie snapped, a half-step in front of you. Both girls ahead of you appeared as though they had been simultaneously struck. “Did you plan this together?”

“What? No!” Rosé immediately responded. She threw a glance at Lisa, growing perplexed, and then stepped closer, desperate. “I’m sorry, Jennie. I’m sorry! I’ll say it over and over again! I’m sorry I let what my parents wanted for me decide our relationship!” She held up the tickets in both hands. “I just want to see you. Please, please come to the movies. It doesn’t have to mean anything. I miss you.”

In the background, Lisa flinched. She flinched again and again as Rosé clutched those stupid movie tickets and heard her spill her heart the way Lisa never dared, never tried, to you. You couldn’t look away.

It wasn’t planned. Just a sick twist of fate that they were both here. And you were sure that Lisa would leave again. You saw it in the tight pull of her shoulders and the droop of her pouty lips and the raw skin around her nails as she picked and picked and picked —

Rosé snatched her hand. Lisa’s eyes widened, glancing from Rosé, this stranger she had never seen, to you. Pleading.

“I don’t know what this means for you,” Rosé addressed you now, dragging Lisa closer as you stared at the captured blonde. “And we didn’t plan this, I promise. But please, let me take you and Jennie and—” she stuttered to glance at the stranger’s hand she was clutching.

“Lisa,” she supplied tightly, chest too tight for volume.

“— and Lisa to the movies.”

You failed to notice the nails that were scraping the back of your hand until this moment. Jennie was holding yours, and it was such a strange mirroring of the four of you.

“Okay,” you rasped. You didn’t know why you said that, only that when you looked at Jennie, it did seem to be okay.

What was more — Lisa looked ready to break. And she did, into a wide, watery smile. In the same breath as Rosé.

.♡.

pikachu⚡️💛 look behind u

You and Jennie spared a look between yourselves before glancing over your respective shoulders. Across the movie theatre lobby stood a lone figure donning a plain grey sweatshirt, hood drawn up over a large pair of dark sunglasses. The only detail you knew it to be Jisoo was the heart-shaped lips, and as you both squinted at what she could possibly be doing, she slowly lifted a hand to press a fake moustache beneath her nose. Like it somehow made her more inconspicuous rather than ridiculous.

It did make you laugh despite the jitters.

jen bun-bun🍸🧡 how the fuck does that help???

pikachu⚡️💛 lauren or whatever doesnt know what i look like but that other loser does

pikachu⚡️💛 and itll be dark in the theatre so this is just to help

jen bun-bun🍸🧡 if ur gonna be here ur gonna be nice

jen bun-bun🍸🧡 or at least try to

jen bun-bun🍸🧡 and its lisa and rose

pikachu⚡️💛 right

pikachu⚡️💛 the dumbasses who gave up two of the greatest people i know

jen bun-bun🍸🧡 ur the dumbass wearing a fake stache

You that is falling off right now

Jisoo gave up texting in order to fix her disguise on her face, and Jennie rolled her eyes before she was punching you in the arm, suddenly nervous.

“She’s here.”

The pale pink hair you had come to recognize was become more honeyed blonde as the days passed but it was still Rosé walking through the movie theatre doors and right pass Jisoo. You tried not to laugh again as Jisoo made a gesture like she was about to lunge out from the wall and stab her in the back.

“Hi!” Rosé greeted the both of you, skipping to halt and taking the tickets from her cardigan pocket. She handed out two and then paused as she realized there was still another person missing, adorable brows furrowing. “Where’s Lisa? Is she buying snacks?”

“She’s not here,” you responded emptily. Just as you thought, leaving you behind again. For what it was worth, the pain didn’t sink as deep as it would have in the past. Perhaps you were just becoming numbed. You waved a hand at Jennie and Rosé, adding, “You guys should get in line for the movie, I think I’m just gonna head home.”

Rosé didn’t even look at Jennie as she darted forward, touching your arm gently like she was afraid to break you. “No, please! Still come to the movie, I don’t want you going home like this.”

“I should’ve expected this,” you said, removing yourself from her touch even if it felt sincere and not like she needed a buffer between her and Jennie.

“I’m coming with you,” Jennie chimed in, taking the steps to close the space between you.

You stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. “No, go see the movie. Rosé spent a lot of money on the tickets.” Rosé shook her head with a frown like it was nothing but didn’t try to interrupt. You still turned, giving Jennie a look that told her to stay before you did, and then started for the door.

Jisoo was preparing to move from the wall and bar your hasty exit but you rooted to the spot anyway.

Lisa flung open the door, unaware, busied with settling her hair from the wind and then smoothening her skirt. The way her lips were parted spelled out her breathlessness again, and her cheeks were flushed the same way you had seen them after a haunted house excursion.

For whatever reason, Lisa was anxious.

When her eyes lifted and caught sight of you, standing apart from the other two, she knew it meant that you had been about to leave. You watched idly, surprised — relieved — she had actually shown up, as Lisa hurried closer, a shaky smile forcing its way out. There was a stammer to her movement, in her hand, like she had been about to take yours but thought better of it and started picking at her cuticles again instead.

There was fresh blood lining the nail bed.

“I’m sorry I’m so late.” Lisa wasn’t really. “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting.” Lisa had for a long time.

“It’s okay,” you said anyhow. Lisa was here now.

“Perfect!” Rosé exclaimed, beyond elated that the original plan was working. She bounced on the balls of her feet, handing over the last ticket that finally had Lisa playing with something other than her fingers. “Why don’t you three get in line and get some good seats, and I’ll try and get us some snacks before the previews are over?”

“Allow me,” Lisa chirped. A gentle brush, as though she wanted to touch you under the guise of stepping by you, and the blonde was patting the other’s shoulder. “You’ve already bought the tickets, it’s only fair I split some of the costs.”

“Hellooo,” Jennie jumped in, glaring at the two. “Do you think we can’t provide for ourselves? I make decent money.”

The pair of taller girls gaped, trying to find the right words to say.

pikachu⚡️💛 LET THEM PAY ITS THE LEAST THEY CAN DO!!!!!!!!! 😡😡😡😡😡

“Okay, fine,” Jennie sighed, clicking her phone shut once more. “I want —”

“— Sour Patch Kids! I remember,” Rosé finished, beaming.

Jennie let a small smile pass. It was the kind that wanted to be bigger but she was holding back.

Lisa, on the other hand, was fighting to keep from crumpling the ticket in her possession. It didn’t offend you that she didn’t jump at the ready to get you your favourite snack or display the same eagerness. It was enough that she was here at all.

“I’ll come so you don’t have to carry everything yourself,” Rosé breezed over, a hand on Lisa’s elbow to guide her toward the snacks.

“Let’s see if there’s any good seats left,” Jennie said as she looped an arm around your waist.

There was an expanse of four seats situated near the back of the theatre that worked. The space was already dimmed and humming with hushed voices, the previews started but ignored by most. Without thinking, you sat beside Jennie, leaving a spare seat on either side, and again you shared a look to question whether this was smart or not. Jennie’s phone buzzed in beat with yours.

pikachu⚡️💛 thanks for only leaving two rows between us Jerks

You didn’t even have to look over your shoulder to know the moustached stranger two rows behind you was watching.

A few minutes before the start of Wreck-It Ralph Breaks the Internet, Rosé and Lisa appeared. Their arms brimmed with snacks, Lisa balancing a tray of drinks on her forearm and Rosé hugging two large buckets of buttered popcorn. This time there was no containing the smiles from either you or Jennie as the others barely skipped a beat at the seating arrangement and separated.

“Hi,” Lisa whispered, a genuine smile across her glossy mouth as she slunk her long limbs into the theatre chair and started passing out drinks. As she leaned to hand over Rosé’s, you swore a spark flitted in the close proximity of your bodies, and Lisa’s eyes fell to yours. Like she felt it too. Then she was saying low enough only you could hear, “You smell nice.”

“Thanks, I showered.” It was a joke, one you both had used back in the early days of your fling.

Lisa giggled and there was no stopping your heart thudding against your ribcage.

The movie started, and the time passed slowly. It was funny and cute, a good decision on Rosé’s part, but you couldn’t quite grasp it when all that occupied your mind was Lisa.

One hand held her drink, high enough that she could chew on her straw. Her other hand, the one on your side, remained in her lap. Even without her other hand, Lisa fumbled, picking at the side of her thumb or using her thumb to pick at the rest. They weren’t bleeding yet, no dark colours spreading over the tips, but you didn’t want them to start.

Couldn’t bear to.

You swallowed around the knot in your throat, and without removing your eyes from the blurred screen, you willed your hand to not shake as you reached over and threaded your fingers through the pliant ones you sought.

Effectively stopping the restless pick, pick, pick.

Lisa didn’t look away. Even in your peripheral, you could see the grin curl wide on her lips. The hand in yours tightened, and didn’t let go.

You didn’t want to let go.

.♡.

The movie night went without incident, and Jisoo texted the group chat that she quite enjoyed the movie. That was ironic, considering Rosé had to sporadically turn and try to find just who it was in the crowd that kept carelessly tossing Sno Caps, managing to hit her in the head each time.

Lisa had asked if she could escort you home. It ended up with her asking Jennie’s permission, who finally allowed it after giving a look that said more than any threat could.

A hailed cab ride home and your heart was back in your throat, wondering quietly what would happen once you reached your apartment door. A neighbour passed in the hallway and the best you could offer was tight-lipped smile before you were coming to an end at your entry mat.

Turning around, Lisa took a last step. The entire night, the only touch had been the hands you held during the movie and nothing else. Even now, the distance was respectable, Lisa not wanting to invade. How strange it all felt now when there had been so many nights that resulted in a much different entrance across the threshold.

You weren’t sure where to start.

“How’s…” and you suddenly noticed you never caught the name of the man Lisa had been dating. You swallowed and finished, “whatever his name is?”

Lisa blinked. Opened her mouth and then closed it and then opened it again.

“I ended things with him.” It was said like it had been obvious.

“When?” Your shoes were much more interesting then, finding it hard to keep looking up at her.

“New Year’s,” she said softly. “I didn’t want to start the year with a lie.”

Butterflies alit in your stomach but you didn’t let them show.

“Did you think I would be here if I was still with him?” The inflection of her voice was crafted carefully, without any accusations. If anything, it sounded hurt but only a little. Maybe she couldn’t keep it out.

“I don’t know.”

I don’t know you.

“I’m sorry.”

The dangerous waver in her words lifted your head. Lisa’s eyes were closed, chin bowed. Your heart was breaking in a way that was different than the last.

“I didn’t say it before,” she continued. “But I’m sorry. I’m really so fucking sorry.” Each word was becoming more jagged. “I was so scared. I couldn’t control what I was feeling, what was happening, and I knew if I didn’t do something to stop it that I was going to fall in love with you. I was so stupid. I was so stupid because even after I tried everything I could to feel in control, I knew I made a mistake. I couldn’t keep lying to myself, to everyone. To you.”

Those same fingers started their picking of her nails again. This time, they did start to bleed. You noticed too late that you were crying as you reached out to take her hands, stop them from hurting herself. You had believed that she had torn you apart like a play thing in her reckless hands but now you knew it was simply because she didn’t know how to hold onto you.

Before you, Lisa was tearing herself apart, piece by piece.

“I’m in love with you and I shouldn’t have tried to stop it,” Lisa cried, breaths short and sharp. Eyes still closed as the tears leaked from beneath long lashes. “I didn’t know how to make it better and I didn’t know if you’d ever want to see me again. I — I didn’t know what to do.”

.♡.

too scared of what she’ll see, somebody holding me

Lisa saw it all.

Through the frosted window panes, the love of her life drowning in drinks of clear liquid, presumably so that when the tears fell inside, no one could tell.

Between the Christmas costumes and decorations, the love of her life kissed over and over on the cheek until the red lipstick smeared and the laughter was for someone else.

Before her, the love of her life kissing another, prettier woman whose touch was gentle and intimate and everything Lisa should have been.

Lisa saw it all.

Lisa lost control.

.♡.

Sheets tangled in your legs. You tried to kick them away and kicked someone else instead.

You startled in bed, peeking through bleary eyes at the soft glow of sunlight dripping down the wall from curtains and then at the person beside you.

Lisa was still asleep, honey hair splayed across her pillow. It took you a moment to remember that you had only fallen asleep together, unwilling to let her go home alone but wanting nothing more than to be in her arms again. The strap of your camisole you lent her had slipped over her jutting shoulder, and you took a steadying breath as you tenderly slid it back into place on her collarbone.

Your fingertips lingered, replaying the memory of the few times you had been gifted this rare time to watch her.

In the past, you wondered how many more times you were going to be allowed this before it all went away.

The pillow felt plush and welcoming as you settled back against it. You could be late to work this morning. You wanted this. To hold onto it for as long as you could. Who knew when it would all end?

Sooner than you thought. Lisa stirred, sensing your gaze, lifting lanky arms to rub at her face. Then she was turning, finding you, smiling happily, shuffling closer to wrap you up flush against her.

Something was ending, that was for sure.

But something new lied in the wake.

#blackpink #blackpink scenarios #blackpink fanfiction #kpop scenarios #girl group scenarios #scenarios #WHY DID THIS GET SO LONG #wow sorry guys #but i hope you all enjoy !!!#i tried my v best !!! 😘

128 notes · View notes

survivorarabia · 7 years

Text

EPISODE 8 “Pissy Omg That Is Me” - Issy

Ci’ere

“Recap: Nicole went rogue, two idols were played and one was flushed (thanks to yours truly), Alex is a cat with 9 lives, I lost an extremely loyal ally, and now both sides are evenly split 5-5. Ruthie and Nicole are way closer than I thought, a little too close for my liking. I’m pretty sure Nicole would never play an idol on me, she voted with the other side, and she tried to use the fake information I gave her to play an idol on someone she thought I was voting out. Hell to the naw.”

Aren

I'm honestly just really, really sick of being viewed as a goat in this game. Ya'know, returning after that damn Catastrosicily (Catastrophe + Sicily ya dumb schmuck), all I wanted to do in this damn game was redeem myself -- play a game to be proud of. But... But... *begins tearing up; sad Survivor music begins playing* nobody likes me!! AND NOBODY RESPECTS MY GAME! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! WAH WAH WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Lena

so i put all 500 on the sealed envelope because yeah. anyway so ruthie just said this in my alliance chat w/ herself myself and richie and alex: "I wonder if he is really 14, he could be a Survivor vet in disguise." about aren..... and i'm shook. I'M a survivor vet in disguise but how am i a vet when i got 6th and then got FIRST BOOT like honestly im a mess but somehow i made it to the jury?????? somehow. anyway its so hard to not tell anyone this but i'm literally going to the finale pre-party and after-parties of the s33 finale in los angeles last month and i just found out today?????? LIKE???????? LOOKS LIKE LENA IS GOING ON ANOTHER CAMPING TRIP HUH................................. jk i'm going to be going to a family reunion in another state. which state?IDK YET. but i'll get there.

Issy

It's beginning to seem like I've made alliances with a bunch of fucking idiots here Aren wants to flip, Emmott wants to flip, nobody seems fucking concerned that Khiana is only growing in strength & numbers at every passing tribal FUCK ME Aren just said he's going to flip & I fucking BET Emmott will too I think it's come time to break my alliance with them already, fuck If I flip, I'm absolutely on the bottom of a Khiana alliance, like fuck I know this game is changing and Jay is a threat but NOT RIGHT FUCKING NOW I JUST WANT ONE OF THEM GONE! ONE OF THEM! So they don't have fucking twice the numbers we do because we've been picking each other off!

Ci’ere

“Alex’s arrogance is seeping wet in a ball of moistness since he just idol’d out Roxy and he is not trying to hide it at all. I wanna see him suffer in this game and for all of his allies to get voted out because he is being handed the win on a silver platter. I will avenge Roxy and her elimination will not be in vain if I have any say in it. I’m trying to keep my mouth shut though because I know that these people don’t like problematic.”

Issy

OKay that last confessional was a bit much but I'm so fucking done with this Aren, 10:12 pm Sorry, are you angry at me? askakskksa YES yes I am fucking angry, god damn it issy, 10:15 pm no lol it's fine Fuck me, fuck this, I want Alex and Ruthie out pronto or Alex is going to win this whole bloody thing, I'm calling it now I should never have voted out Shay, I should never have voted Roxy, I fucked up and I don't know how to fix this because it's starting to feel like I've very much already lost But POSITIVITY!! Am I right? <3 <3 <3 Fuck I'm so bitter today oops

Alex

youtube

wheee videos

Ruthie

I'm feeling really good about this stick I just spent $480, I HOPE THAT IT HAS MY NAME ON IT! Also I'm hoping everyone else skips over the Mac and Cheese and I mean, I have no idea but I'm guessing everyone will be going for the covered items and the mystery stuff but hey look at that stick it looks like there might be a secret hole at the end. I just really hope that Nicole, Alex, Lena, Richie and myself get by another week. <3

Ci’ere

“I have an issue with Nicole’s comment about being lied to. I did lie to her and say that my side was planning to vote out Ruthie, but you weren’t voting with us so you shouldn’t be surprised that you were lied to. If someone tells you who they’re voting out and you idol that same person, do you really think you should be let in on the plan? Get it together gurl… This is why I don’t really see her as an ally to me anymore. I guess if anything went right last tribal council, it would be that Nicole’s idol was flushed and Alex played his which means there are less idols to worry about!”

Aren

Call me crazy. Call me wild. Call me stupid. Call me CHAOTIC AS ALL FUCK!!! But my name is Aren, and I'm here to flip this game on it's fat ass and create chaos and make huge fucking moves. That is why Jay is hopefully going to be going home at this next tribal-council. :) IssyFuck me, this game is falling to pieces Touchy subjects! My all time favourite challenge! (not) I'm mentally preparing myself to win all of the shitty ones because I'm sure Alex, Ruthie, Lena & co are still going to be bitter It's certainly going to be interesting, always good to find out what people really think of you Ugh I still can't believe Aren actually seriously wants to flip here, he fucking brought it up again I was good to just pretend it never happened in the first place I'm being so pissy lately, like I just went off at him which is never good gameplay & I'm pretty sure Emmott hates me too 'pissy' omg that is me

Ci’ere

“These people don’t know how to play Survivor and it’s really starting to frustrate me. Everyone is either too egotistical, conniving, or artificial and it’s just so blatant. The only person I would consider normal is Ruthie and I don’t even talk to her that much lmao. Note: Start talking to the other side and make sure you’re not their target.”

Ci’ere

“I believe that Aren slipped up earlier today and he inferred that he, Emmott and Issy are a tight trio. Which is funny because that would mean they’re keeping me out the loop, hmm. Aren said that he’s worried about Jay because apparently he’s been making final 3 chats with different combinations of people and smoked everyone in Tetris which all implies that he wants Jay out. This is funny because I realized Jay has become a threat too, but it’s too soon to turn on each other because it’s 5-5 and OG Fawz needs to stick together. We can take out Jay at a later time when we have the numbers.”

Jay

Okay, lets get caught up again. Not sure what I covered in my last one so this may overlap a bit. On Hazima tribe, I made a #BigMove. Alex and Lena were assuring me that I am safe and that Issy was the target. Issy was allied with some of my original Fawz allies as well, so saving her would be better than letting the other side keep an extra number. I used my idol and the vote was a split 2 Issy - 2 Alex. Because I used my Idol, I was not eligible for drawing rocks, so only Lena would be in danger from another tie. After it was revealed, I told Lena that I am voting for Alex and if she does not as well, then her game is over. Of course, she voted Alex. I felt bad really, he's a nice guy. But luckily for Alex, he had a godamn Phoenix idol that brought him right back into the game. A bit anticlimactic, but at least I nullified his Phoenix Idol and prevented him from bringing back another number on their side. The tribes merge and Alex comes back, shit. After the merge, I started an alliance with most of the original Fawz members, Me, Aren, Ci'ere, Kat, Roxy $ Issy, only Emmott had to be excluded, because of Roxy's mistrust of him. I still thought he could be a good ally, so I kept him close, but outside the alliance. Meanwhile: I'm still a part of the mostly-Khiana alliance 'Unnamed Icons', which I only joined to gather more intel and keep my people safe. Members: Nicole, Richie, Lena & Me. First immunity challenge is Tetris! YEESSS! THIS IS MY GAME! I love Tetris with a passion and I still have my original Gameboy Cartridge for it. I played for a couple hours and got what I hoped would be a respectable score. But apparently everyone else sucks at Tetris because I scored nearly double what 2nd place submitted. Looking at the numbers, the OG Fawz alliance should have this vote easily, and we decided to target Alex, but to tell everyone that we are targeting Ruthie instead. (To draw out any possible Idols and maybe split the vote further) This plan worked well, too well. Two idols were played, one on Ruthie and one on Alex. Well shit. The votes came out 5-7, so everyone I told to vote Alex followed through, but the rest flipped on me, I guess my connection to the Unnamed Icons has been severed. Because of the double Idol play, we lost Roxy. Sad to see her go, but I still had Emmott waiting in the wings. Nobody objected so I added him to the group. I'm sure he's not happy about being the last added, but I hope he'll realize that it was only because of Roxy. (I honestly did want him in to begin with) Surprisingly, Richie and I had a conversation, apparently he feels very much on the outs with his original Khiana people. (It seems like Alex, Lena, Ruthie & Nicole are all very tight) I told him that I didn't intend to betray him, I was just doing what I had to do to stay alive in the game and that I had ties to Fawz people from the beginning, so I was honoring my promises to them. He said he respects that and that he still wants to work with me. Awesome! If Richie was being honest, then that means we can easily control the votes and boot the remaining Khiana people, one by one. I told him that I would let him know how we are voting when the time comes, and that if he votes our way then I'll do what I can to bring him in to the alliance. Auction time! My plan was to bid decently high on two items that I want a lot, and then a lot of little bids in the hopes that I get something nobody else put any cash on. This worked out well, as I expected several people bid everything on one item and there were a few instances of more than one person bidding a large amount on the same item. I managed to score 3 great items! 1 Vote Nullifier 1 Extra Vote & 2 Idol Clues. These will definitely be handy later on...

Ruthie

So I'm waiting for the results COMPLETELY on edge because knowing Jay his lucky ass has also won individual immunity along with all his other goodies that he got at the auction. If somehow Jay doesn't win I hope Alex does because I have a better chance at staying than he does, either way I'm terrified about the result and I hope Alex, Richie, Lena and myself figure out a way to pull out another win and keep the four of us solid. I'm SO sad that Nicole exiled herself but I totally get why she did it, I just hate the entire situation, PLEASE Survivor Gods let one of us win individual immunity. <3

Ci’ere

“I have not gotten anything from a freaking reward and I’m jmhnbv mnjhnbgv”

Lena

LMAO my drunk as shit answers, I don't remember any of that. anyway im playing pokemon moon so this game is cancelled for the next 36 hours while i die playing this game

Ci’ere

“Who would you trust with your life?

None of these snitches.”

Aren

Me @ the people that gave me really nawsty answers in Touchy Subjects: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. But fo' reals THESE FUCKERS don't know what the fUCK they're talking about because BOY am I giving them a fucking aSS SPANKING in this game rn like they need to beg their momma to save em at this point ArenSo, I might be sick as all fuck, but this does NOT mean that I've stopped playing the game. Hehehehe, I have a sneaky-sneaky plan! So, I still want Jay out, and I'm gonna make SURE he goes. Therefor... *rubs hands together* I'm gonna fabricate some friendly ole' conversations! FAKE CONVERSATION #1 - GOAL: MAKE ISSY VOTE FOR JAY. So, when Emmott and I have spoken enough, I'm gonna copy + paste our conversation to Issy but I'm gonna change our sentences to make it look like Emmott's now gunning for Jay. Issy, as she trusts me so damn much, is gonna believe me and is gonna get super paranoid and probably vote for Jay! That's already a 6-4 vote! But lets make this bad boy 7-3... FAKE CONVERSATION #2 - GOAL: MAKE EMMOTT ALSO VOTE FOR JAY. When Jay finally gets back to me and we get the opportunity to chat, I'm gonna also copy + paste our conversation to Emmott to make Emmott thing that Jay's gunning for him. Since Emmott's so fucking paranoid, he's gonna listen and want to vote Jay out with me. Splendid! Fucking splendid! A 7-3 blindside on Jay, MMM.

Ci’ere

“The Touchy Subject results are revealed and it turns out that I was only answered twice out of 140 possible times. I’m not sure if I’m playing a strong under the radar game or if I’m just irrelevant, but it means that I’m not on anyone’s radar lmao. I wasn’t even answered for any of the negative ones either, I’m here for this yas chile~”

Aren

[13:00:56] Jay: Yo [13:01:01] Aren: Sup man! [13:01:11] Jay: Hey, what's up? [13:01:19] Aren: Not much!! Just chilling, playing Counter-Strike haha. You? [13:01:24] Jay: I'm just relaxing, just finished eating takeaway and watching a movie with my wife. I've played that game too a few times it's pretty good [13:01:27] Aren: Yeah man lol definitely [13:02:04] Jay: So, this is what I wanted to message you about. I havent asked anyone about this yet so I just want to consult you before I try to actually make a big flip. I know that we're planning to gun for Lena, but I honestly want to flip the vote to Emott. I understand that you might be against this but he's a complete middle man and I feel like he could be playing both sides which is super dangerous. I just wanted to get your input honestly [13:02:12] Aren: Wowah [13:02:29] Aren: I dunno honestly, I think it might be a better idea just to stick with our original plan for now?? [13:02:37] Jay: I'd honestly just rather get Emmott out but I understand. [13:03:02] Aren: I mean I dunno dude I'm pretty sure he's with us [13:03:17] Jay: Alright, well, perhaps we could take Lena out now and do Emmott later?? I just don't want to let him make it further than, like, the final eight honestly. He's a very dangerous player. [13:03:26] Aren: Alright man, I understand. I'll think about it, okay? [13:03:17] Jay: (y) ... And this fake conversation built upon Aren's anvil of prickiness is going straight into Emmott's inbox! Oops! Time to switch this vote the fuck up and send Jay the fuck home!!!

Ci’ere

“Kat, whom I forgot was still in the game, was medevac’d and no offense but I knew she would just be a waste of a spot for someone that would have actually played the game. It really sucks because she seems cool and she was a number for my side s m h.”

Richie

this game is a mess!!!!!!! i've been talking to everyone on the fawz tribe like im a fucking IDIOT lmao i'm literally acting like i'm the most pathetic baby deer clueless to whats going on just looking for someone to trust bc im so alone and i just want to be given a chance to play this game :( :( :( :( and its working out for me now because i have the family alliance with alex/lena/ruthie but the fawz people see them a threesome and i keep playing it up that i'm on the outside of that group and i'm going to all the fawz ppl just putting my fragile little heart in their hands hoping for some sort of strain of trust and hope <3 in the long run this could be harmful because people might see me doing this and think that i was actually a useless floater but like i'm getting tea from everyone i'm just taking notes and making connections... also i have alex ruthie and lena who are going to get taken out before me like if i start trying to make BIG MOVES right now then my name gets moved to the top of that list so its just not smart for me to put myself out there yknooooooowwww?! but whatevz i can deal with all that later for now this vote is looking to be another "fun" one... jay told me to vote ruthie, aren told me that jay is lying to me and that he wants me to vote for ruthie while the rest of them vote lena so its a 5-3-1 with me as the 1, aren wants to blinside jay which IM ALL FOR THAT MF CAN GOOOOOO but he won three (3) things in the auction which fucking terrrrrrrifies me so im hesitant to try and blindside him right now but i'm not in a position where i can take the reins on this vote bc if i start causing chaos the original fawz alliance can decide to come together and vote me out 5-4 so for this vote i need to try my best to suppress my need to be in control at all times, shut up, go with this plan, and hope for the best because if it works GREAT jay's gone and if it doesn't then lena or ruthie go WHICH SUCKS but im still in the game and the khiana numbers wouldnt be intimidating to the fawz people anymore so they would be more likely to want to make a move next week..... UGHHHHHHH I JUST WANT TO BE IN CONTROL OF EVERYTHING I HATE THAT IM IN THIS POSITION WHERE I HAVE TO SHUT UP AND PRETEND IM WEAK AND STUPID I JUST WANT TO BE CHAOTIC EVILLLLLLLL :( :( :(

Alex

I WON IMMUNITY, SUCKERS, TAKE THAT I KNEW THAT MACARONI AND CHEESE WOULD PAY OFF! So this round has just been....a rollercoaster of emotions. First, at the auction, Jay wins a whole bunch of shit, and Nicole pops off to Exile. First of all, fuck you Nicole, we NEEDED you this round. But second of all, that puts us down 6-4, and that blows. Now my brilliant “lie to everybody” plan doesn't work and we're p. fucked. But then, Immunity comes around, and not only do I win (again: heck yes!) but Kat is bounced out of the game. Presumably, she was DEVASTATED by the loss of her only ally, Julia, that she got sick and died. So now, lucky us, the numbers are back on our side! Except of course they're not, because, as we must remember, Aren and Emmott are liars, proven liars. Fuck them so hard. Anyway. Theoretically, we have Aren's vote against Jay (which we do not), and equally theoretically, Aren's fake chatlog of Jay wanting to take Emmott out has convinced Emmott to vote for Jay as well (it did not). And all this has theoretically made Issy realize that it's a done deal, and she's gonna vote Jay too (she will not). So, in theory, we have the votes to take out Jay, or to do my initial plan of removing Ci'ere while telling everyone to vote Jay (we do not, and we will not). But the thing is that on top of all these liars supposedly telling us the truth (they are not), I've checked, and there's no way that the chatlogs Aren's sent me were anything but fake. The timestamps don't come out like that in a real chatlog unless he's running Linux or something. So, in short, we're pretty fucked this tribal. Do I need to tell the rest of the group this? No, of course not. They don't need to know how hopeless it is, and considering I have Immunity and thus am not on the chopping block, I'm tryna shut up and let them decide what plan they wanna run. But anyway, we're fucked this tribal, what fun.

Ci’ere

“I mention that Ruthie was voted ‘Most Trustworthy & Most Heroic’ so she’s a threat and maybe we should target her. Everyone in my alliance immediately shoots down that idea and they’re seriously against it. They would rather go after Lena who was voted ‘Most Needs a Wake Up Call & Never Talk to Again’ like...WHAT?? Ruthie has made solid bonds and my own alliance proved that themselves. At this point, alliances are probably shifting and things are actually starting to get kind of blurred.”

Ruthie

So, tribal is in an hour and I'm not as nervous

as I was last week and I'm coming to the terms that I'm going to be the one going home. I'm so glad to have made it to jury, and I really hope that Alex, Lena and Richie work with Nicole next time and that they send one of the others to jury next! Emmott and Aren are such snakes for doing what they are going to do, and I don't trust them AT ALL. I would rather them go than Jay go at this point, everything is such a mess and I wonder who is telling the truth and who isn't and being on the bottom sure does suck. If I am the one that goes I am excited about my speech, mayyyyybe that willl cause a bit of chaos and it'll get the others someone new to work with.

Alex

I have NO IDEA what is about to happen here I think the craziest thing that could happen would be for our plan to go off without a hitch, really.

#survivornightmare #masstag #confessionals

0 notes