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the-fiction-witch · 3 years

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NSFW 100 Benny Watts

1. What's the dirtiest thought you've ever had about a total stranger? I don't know, I don't think about strangers all that often I'm usually busy, I think the worst would just be when I kinda get the thought In my head of, Hu. I'd fuck that.

2. Do you prefer sex at night, in the morning, mid-afternoon, or NOW? At night, when the work is done fkr the day, dinners done, and we can go to bed and fuck for a while and go right to sleep after, that's a good evening.

3. What's your favourite way to be seduced? I think we both know it's when people play with my hair, I don't know why, the come here eyes don't do anything, hinting doesn't do anything, you start playing with my hair I'm literally hard in my pants within seconds.

4. What's the dirtiest fantasy you've had at work? That's a good question. Probably just fantasying about beating my aponent and then taking them back to the hotel room and raw fucking them bent over the table, or likewise them beating me and taking me back to the room and riding on my dick for several hours. Either is good.

5. How would you dominate your boss sexually if given the chance? I am my own boss I guess. But if we are saying the people I play against are co workers then yes. Yes I would.

6. What do you do when you get horny in public? It depends why I'm horny. If I'm horny for an actual reason then I'll have to go see who it was causing it, but if it's just like a random everyday boner then no I ignore it, people can't see it though my jeans, can they? If they can great the can look at my dick and be jealous.

7. Have you ever masturbated in a public bathroom? No. I don't masturbate a whole lot and never in public mostly because... Have you seen male public bathrooms? That shit is gross!

8. What's the weirdest thing you've thought about while touching yourself? Chess. Whenever I do actually masturbate it's usually at night, when I'm alone, my works done and I can't get to sleep so I yeah I mess around a little usually while going over chess games in my head, I don't need to imagine anything when I do it I just do it, the touching on its own gets me horny enough, so my head just does it own thing and I usually just think about chess plays.

9. What's the strangest prop you've used to get yourself off? Well pillows. I think that's it pillows and my hand. Or Beth harmon, I'm kidding Beth's great.

10. Do you remember the first time you felt aroused? No I don't. I don't think I ever like had a moment of Hu Im aroused, it just started happening and eventually I noticed to be fair I have been in a constant mood of I wanna fuck things since I was like fourteen. Not sure why? Maybe I'm just really horny and refuse to deal with it?

11. Who gave you your first orgasm? Now that depends because I did it alot in my sleep when I was younger, but the first actual time when I was fully awake and aware what I was doing it was probably Ali, a girl who used to work up at the bar down the street from my apartment, I was having a drink after a championship one or the few times I'd been in there even if the first few times I was underage, and we got talking about this and that and... We went to the bathrooms together, I miss ali, not for the sex but she was always so nice to me. Still I have a better girl now.

12. Do you remember what that first orgasm felt like? Fucking amazing! And now... Now I have a problem because now I wanna do it all the time.

13. Have you ever had sex with someone whose name you never knew? A few times, hotels after championships, airports and the like, I've picked up the odd girl or too I didn't know but it's fine. I think I picked up someone's wife at a competition once?

14. What's your favourite thing about a quickie? How simple it is. With a quickie both people involved know what this is, we both just wanna fuck and get our release so it's very much a simple understanding, sometimes you have sex with people and they assume that means you give a shit? It doesn't we fucked doesn't mean I like you, it means I was horny, you where horny and now it's over.

15. What the most sexually daring thing you've ever done? Airplane sex! That was intense because those bathrooms are not sound proof in the slightest, you have to be dead silent or everyone can hear you fucking your girlfriend.

16. Have you ever fantasized about fucking one of your teachers? Maybe... when I was a lot younger

17. Do you ever mentally strip strangers just for kicks? Sometimes depends on the stranger, but more often people I know, like people I've had sex with before or you know my girlfriend, but to be fair I'm never not mentally undressing y/n?

18. And then imagine, in dirty detail, what it would be like to fuck them? Sometimes, again much more likely people I know and alot less now I have y/n, before her yeah pretty much everyone but now I'll strip some people in my head every so often but only imagine y/n.

19. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Yeah, many times, towens is a great kisser, also gives amazing blow jobs.

20. What inspires you to make the first move? Ask them! Literally I do not get all the hinting and the cute eyes and shit just.mm you want to fuck me just ask me to have sex! It's just that simple. Why does it need to be complicated.

21. In your opinion, what does it mean to be good in bed? Making it good for you but also for your partner people forget about that sometimes you not just in it for you they want some too don't be a ick and just get yourself off, you have to make it good for them too, that and consent is important, not just to start the sex but also during, you don't know if she likes spanking, you don't know of she wants like her hair pulled or her boobs felt ext. Ask don't just do it.

22. Have you ever cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend because you just couldn't help yourself? .... Yes. But it was always in relationships that weren't all that serious, or where fairly open anyway, I cheated on beth do I care? No! Because she fucked harry so I kinda think that's fair? It's only in that kinda situation but if I hadn't I would have my sweet y/n, and I'll never cheat on her.

23. Have you ever pushed the boundaries of fidelity to the brink and then retreated just for the rush? No.. that just seems weird.

24. Do you have a go-to masturbation fantasy?

I do not have a go to fantasy, except maybe my little kitten snuggling up with me

25. What kind of porn turns you on?

Not a lot really, because porn isn't... that great at the moment I do not have time do go to like the weird little theatre's that play them, the best bet really is things like hustler and various magazines you can pick up in newsagents... which I admit I am partial too having a flip though sometimes.

26. Have you ever had sex with your eyes closed?

No always open

27. Have you ever blindfolded or handcuffed your partner?

Many times yes, But I have found I much rather be handcuffed, I like when y/n handcuffs me to our bed, I like blindfolding her though, maybe handcuffing her too.

28. Does naughty talk get you aroused?

Sometimes, depends what's said

29. Are you sure about that, my dirty little forest nymph of a sex god?

Yeah? How about we go handcuff you to our bed sugar and see how much whispering in your ear you can take before your dripping for me?

30. What's the dirtiest thing someone's ever said to you during sex?

"Benny, I want you to fuck me Hard! and when we're done don't pull out I want us to fall asleep with you inside me so tomorrow we can fuck again without you ever leaving me, so You can be inside me all night long"

Yeah... that was hot. to be fair I did eat her out and edge her for like half an hour so, I don't blame my kitten for going a little cock crazy.

31. Have you ever watched another couple get it on without them knowing?

Once. Okay if you have sex by a pool you have to accept there might be people in here hotel rooms who overlook the pool who can see you!

32. Have you ever watched another couple have sex with their permission?

Does three ways count? because for some of that I was watching Beth and Clio have sex so... yes?

33. How would you respond if a couple approached you to be their "third"?

Depends who it was? Towens and his boyfriend? yes! Beth and Clio? Yes! Beth and Jolene? Yes! Harry and Beth... Eh I'd think about it? But I guess nowadays We'd be the dirty couple asking for a third? won't we kitten?

34. What's the most flattering thing someone's said about your naked body?

"so Perfect I wish I could have you inside me forever"

35. When's the last time you had a vivid sex dream?

I do not

36. What do you think an orgy would be like?

Ummm very very fun. Would you like that kitten? a nice hotel room? all our chess friends? and getting everyone to have a nice orgy? Well I'd be happy to it would be fun, but... you know I don't share kitten.

37. Have you ever propositioned a total stranger?

Yes many times

38. What does your ideal one-night stand look like?

Uhh maybe a drink, some good sex and then get up in the morning maybe a little spooning, maybe round two if they want to, cup of coffee then fuck off out my house I got shit to do.

39. How long does it take you to get yourself off, on average?

Myself? Uhh About ten minuets? with y/n well usual a good half hour but sometimes my little kitten's mean to me

40. What's the weirdest thing that turns you on?

Hair. Playing with my hair. I don't get why I get hard for it but I do? and... when y/n sticks her tounge out again no clue why just whenever I see her do it it means she being a little brat. Or if she does it unintentionally I can't help looking at it thinking how dirty that tounge of her's has been...

41. Have you ever had a naughty dream about a close friend or family member?

No!

42. Have you ever woken up humping your pillow?

Not woke up humping it. I have been spooning it a lot, and been humping it the previous night but no never woke up humping it

43. When's the last time you orgasmed in your sleep?

Ohh god years ago, I don't do that anymore, well I did actually not so long ago but that wasn't me that was my kitten who was too impatient for me to wake up

44. What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you while hooking up?

Moaning the wrong name... yeah I did not live that down. I'm sorry towens! you look a lot like harry from the back, you two have similar hair... and similar asses.

45. Do you like touching yourself in front of the people you sleep with?

Many many times! y/n likes to watch me, but she always strips for me or touches herself too so I've got something nice to watch

46. What's the dirtiest text you've ever sent or received?

Y/n sent me some polaroid's of herself in a park, in a sundress and... nothing else, and I mean nothing, Yellow sundress, striped thigh high socks and nothing... no bra, no panties, fuck I'm getting hard just thinking about those pictures.

I think it was then I really did realize, yeah I love this girl, and I'm going to marry her!

47. Do you prefer professional or amateur porn?

Both are good, they have there draw backs but more likely amateur because I like my kitten.

48. What's your favourite blowjob technique?

Tounge! Need I repeat my weird like of tounges but... when she's licking and swirling it around fuck! I get loud! and god it makes me cum quick.

49. If you had to pick, would you be a dominatrix or a submissive?

Noooo! don't make a me choose!

But I love when my kitten handcuffs me and rides me till she's satisfied!

and I also love bending her over the table and ordering her to cum!

I can't choose! there both soo good...

I guess if I had to. Dominate but only because It's slightly more options of stuff to do and because I like calling her kitten.

50. Is there anything you won't do in bed?

anything with like piss and shit can fuck right off I don't know how anyone is into that! but anything else in the world my kitten want's she can have it just not that.

51. What's your dirtiest sexual fantasy?

Its kinda something I really really want but also really don't want, I like the idea of it but it would be horrible. I kinda have a fantasy about Y/n, inviting some... friends over, and letting them all... have there fun with me? literally like tie me to the bed, y/n, beth, clio, jolene, really anyone else towen's too if he's down, just everyone can just use me as a literally cock slave and I would be so fucking happy I would let everyone fuck me!

But that would not go well, I can't stay hard that long, and the girls would fight, and... it wouldn't be good.

so other then that... Ummmm I wanna take y/n to central park! in that sundress.. see how long we can last before I bend her over and fuck my little kitten.

52. How many people have you slept with?

I have stopped counting.

53. Where's the weirdest place you've had sex?

A Plane bathroom? bar bathroom? that time we did it in a pool? I don't know I've had sex lots of weird places?

54. What's your favourite part of Y/n's body?

Her tounge she knows how much I like it . Her pussy, Ummm her pussy's so sweet I could eat my little kittens pussy for hours, and it feels so good around me I mean I fucked her and never ever want another girl ever again, she turned me! someone who fucked around for fun into a one girl guy would would never dream of cheating on my sweet little wifey.

55. Have you ever had anal sex?

Yes, many times, It's the one thing about being in a committed relationship that I miss being with a girl, I miss anal. But I'm sure we could get a toy so she can still do it.

56. If you could choose what Y/n was wearing right now, what would you choose?

Sundress! I love her little sundress! and nothing else.

57. Where on your body is your favourite place to be touched?

hair... Or my hips, I love when she touches my hips

58. If you could have sex anywhere in the world, where would it be?

Anywhere I don't care.

59. When did you first had sex?

I was sixteen, and it was a bar bathroom. But it was amazing!

60. What's the best sex you've ever had?

The first time I had sex with y/n, the first time that we actually had sex we were in a little hotel in Cali, and it was amazing! she was so amazing, I'd never felt so good in my life!

61. What's your favourite position?

I love from the side, its so good when it's an early morning or, if we're both a little lazy, we start off spooning then have a few kisses and then after a couple of minuets she's screaming for me.

62. Have you ever been caught having sex?

Weirdly never,

63. Do you watch porn?

No! it's hard to find the places, and there always full of perverts.

64. What kind of porn do you watch?

I look at magazines. Or my little kitten. Oohhh we could make a porno?

65. How often do you masturbate?

Not very often, once a month maybe

66. Name a sex position you'd like to try?

I want to try a weird like upside down thing

67. Do you prefer to give or receive?

Give! I love hearing her scream! I love when she does it took but I like taking care of her better.

68. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Many times, I wish we could more often but it's going to one of the warmer places becuase... new York is too fucking cold for that shit! but last time we where in paris in the summer we went skinny dipping and it's so fun, unfortunately it doesn't last long because one of us breaks and just has sex.

69. What's the most sex you've had in a day?

Oohh I think four times, i do not have the like replenishment ability to do anymore then that.

70. Are you loud or quiet during sex?

Loud! I know I'm loud but I like her to know how good she's making me feel, besides' she's louder.

71. Have you ever tried using food during foreplay?

No, that seems... sticky.

72. What's the first thing that sexually attracts you to someone?

Voice, and looks I guess.

73. Would you say you have any fetishes?

I like calling y/n kitten, and I love torturing her!

74. When it comes to BDSM, how far have you gone/would go?

I think I've probably gone... very very far.

75. What's your favourite toy?

well my little kitten is my toy. But I do enjoy this little toy we got recently that turns me into a little vibrator for her, i like it because well it makes me hard as fuck and she likes it because I slightly vibrate inside her, and it rubs on her clit for me which Is good because sometimes my hands are... preoccupied.

76. Do you ever read erotic fiction?

I've read stories people send into magazines about fucking stewardesses and hotel maids? does that count?

77. Have you joined the mile high club?

Yes I have, I think by now I'm probably like a platinum member?

78. Do you think you could take off Y/n underwear with no hands?

Yes I can. I have tried. Many times. but I can't anymore... my kitten doesn't bother with panties anymore

79. Would you say you're kinky?

Do. do I need to answer this question or does everything else here answer that enough?

80. Do you enjoy shower sex?

Not really no. The water never stays hot, the shower spray means one of you is always cold, it's weirdly dry, it's hard to get the angle, it's just way more trouble then it's worth, I'll wait and just cuddle her in the shower then bend her over the bathtub before she puts her towel on. but! Bath sex? I like.

81. Where's the weirdest place you've ever masturbated?

I don't really do it anywhere then my bed, or the shower.

82. Do you like to be spanked?

Yes I do, It's amazing! I like it a lot. and I also like doing it.

83. Have you ever fantasised about someone else during sex?

Not really,

84. If y/n caught you masturbating, would you stop or would you finish?

I would let her watch of course and likely ask her to give me something to watch

85. Have you ever had an inappropriate crush?

Not really I guess.

86. Have you ever cried or fallen asleep during sex?

Falling asleep afterwards is just a habit, but I have cried several times usually when it feels so amazing your eyes water.

87. Do you prefer eye contact or not during sex?

Eye contact is so good!

88. Do you like to kiss during sex?

sometimes, it depends what position as much as I love kissing during sex but some positions it just didn't really work

89. Do you get tired after sex?

Very I want a nap afterwards.

90. How many positions do you think you've tried?

I think we have tried most of them

91. What's the longest you've ever gone without sex?

About six months I guess, I don't know I don't really pay attention

92. How high is your sex drive?

Fairly high

93. What's a surefire way to turn you on?

Ask me for sex? or wear the sundress!

94. Sex with lights on or lights off?

Lights on! I can't be trying to work in the fucking dark.

95. Do you like dirty talk?

Very very much so

96. Do you prefer one night stands or longer-term sexual partners?

I used to really like one night stands, I liked just the hello, fuck goodbye element to it. but Now I have y/n I'm happy with long term and I don't ever want anyone else.

97. Do you prefer to be on top or bottom?

I like both. Don't make me choose!

98.Rough or romantic?

I guess both we are rough but it's in a romantic way

99. Quickie or marathon session?

I love quickies, allows us to get on with other things later in the day, but one night a week we have a nice long marathon session with the toys, and the handcuffs.

100. What's the best thing about our sex life?

I love how kinky and how rough we can get, but it's because we used to miss each other so badly back when we were long distance, it became out release and to show each other just how bad we had missed one another, but it feels so good and its so amazing to make you feel so good and that you make me feel so good, I'll never need anyone else for the rest of my life now I've got you, I mean you literally made me cry it felt so good the first time we had sex, all your sexy little pictures and letter when we were apart, even if we do go a little crazy on each other sometimes, I really do love you kitten more then anything, and I can't wait for us to get married, and for our honeymoon.

#benny #benny smut #benny x reader #benny imagine #benny watts #BENNYSMUT #benny watts imagine #benny watts smut #BENNYWATTS #bennywattssmut #tbs #thomas sangster #thomas brodie sangster

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winryofresembool · 3 years

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Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 31

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: At Waystation, pt 4/?

A/N: Soo sorry about the long wait! This was a very long and kind of tricky chapter to write so it took me longer than I would have wanted. But in a way this is (ironically) a good day to post this chapter as it's the Mother's day in many parts of the world today. (Happy Mother’s day Esperanza Valdez ;___;)

Before we head into this chapter, I want to give you guys a warning that it (specifically, the flashback in the beginning of the chapter) talks about what happened to Leo's mother, so in case you find that too hard to read, feel free to skip it. (If you have read HoO, I think you can somewhat guess what to expect)

Thanks for all the amazing support you guys have given me so far! ♥ It's what keeps me going! Now, enjoy, and remember that I'd really like to hear what you think because there's a lot going on in this chapter!

Words: 5550 (yeah, long one)

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: minor character death (talked about), be aware!

previous chapter / AO3

*flashback*

There was fire. So much fire.

Leo had been tinkering with his toy tools and drawing some simple blueprints in the living room when he had remembered that he had left his hammer into his room. He went to look for it and it took him a couple of minutes to locate it from under the unfinished toys and papers he had thrown around. Unfortunately, that couple of minutes had been enough for all hell to break loose in the living room.

He started smelling smoke and ran back downstairs to see where it came from. The wooden floor and several pieces of furniture in the living room were on fire, which seemed to have started from the papers he had left near the fireplace. Leo’s mind went completely blank like a machine that had just been shut down. The only thing that he was capable of thinking was: what do I do?

His mother had put a fire in the fireplace before she had left to run some errands because it had been a cold day. She had warned Leo several times to be careful with it, even putting a bucket of water and a smothering blanket nearby in case of emergency. But it was already too late to use them; the fire had already spread too far in the room. Because of his state of panic, it took Leo a while to manage to make decisions, but finally, his brain told him: get your phone so you can call mom, and run.

What his 8-year-old brain didn’t understand: he should have just left the building right then and asked a neighbor or someone to call the fire department instead. But Leo could only think how the very thing his mother had been worried about just happened and how she’d probably never forgive him for – no matter how accidentally – burning their home. He had vague memories of leaving his cell phone that he had gotten a few months earlier on his birthday into his room, so he ran upstairs as quickly as he could with his short, wobbly legs. However, the phone wasn’t on his desk like he had anticipated, and it took him a while to remember he had thrown it under the bed after getting frustrated with his homework; the words on the textbook they were supposed to read had not made any sense to him.

Once he finally found the cell phone and went back downstairs to leave the building, the fire had already spread so much that he could barely see anything from the smoke. Coughing, he tried to cover his mouth with his shirt so he could protect himself from the smoke and dash to the door, but he soon realized it was not possible. His road was blocked, and the only way for him to get out would be through the upstairs windows.

Leo didn’t have the time to figure out how to open the windows so he ended up breaking his bedroom window with a real hammer that he happened to find nearby. Shaking, breathing heavily and trying to avoid the glass shards, he looked down. The fall would be quite big, at least 5-6 meters, but he was no stranger to broken bones. The fights with other school kids had taught him a thing or two about that. He would still be more likely to survive the fall than trying to go out from downstairs; at least there were no stones or other hard objects under the window. He was so full of adrenaline that he didn’t even notice that his hands were bleeding; they had hit the broken glass when he had peeked out.

Finally, he managed to gain enough courage to climb up the windowsill and lift one of his legs over the edge. In the process he scraped himself some more in the glass and tore his pants a bit as well, but who cared? It was a very minor thing compared to his mother’s face if she’d find him dead in the house. For a moment Leo thought about all the blueprints and devices in development in the basement of the house, how hours and hours of his mother’s work would go to waste if the entire house burned down – but that was a thing to worry about for later. It was already too late to do anything but to try to escape.

With a huge lump in his throat as he imagined how his mother would hate him when she’d find out about the fire, Leo finally lifted his other leg over the edge as well, sitting on the windowsill with his legs hanging in the air. The distance between him and the ground seemed even bigger than it had earlier, but he had to do this. Slowly, he inched himself forward, hesitating a bit more, but the sound of the fire breaking something downstairs startled him and finally, he dropped down.

After that his memories started getting hazy. He fainted when hitting the ground and when he first woke up he noticed the pain in his left ankle and some blood coming from his forehead. He was laying on the grass, not unharmed but at least alive, and suddenly he got aware that he had to get farther from the house because the fire could easily spread to the surrounding grounds. He could only hope that a neighbor or a passerby had already called the fire department because he himself would not be able to do that, not with his dizzy head and the pain everywhere in his body. Before he passed out again, his last thought was: when would his mother be back?

The next time he was conscious, he remembered trying to drag himself forward with his hands. He could not stand up, and not even crawl, so that was the only thing he could do. Inch by inch, he got a bit farther from his falling spot, and by that time he also started hearing some distant sirens and human yells somewhere, but his mind could not comprehend what all of it meant.

After that, the next thing he remembered was being lifted from the ground by a first responder. The man tried to tell him soothing words, probably something like ‘poor child, it will be alright’, but Leo didn’t care. He wished the fogginess of his brain would just fade so he could speak and walk on his own feet and find out what happened to his mother – if she returned yet – but afterwards, he wished he would have never found out.

He kept slipping in and out of consciousness for a while, not really sure what was happening around him, until finally he woke up in the hospital. One of his legs and arms had been plastered and a bandage had been wrapped around his head. Already he wished he could have just ripped them off and run away but he knew that wasn’t possible. A couple of minutes later, a nurse finally arrived at his bedside.

“Oh, good, I’m glad you’re awake,” she said, testing his forehead to see if he had a fever. “You scared us there, young one.”

“It’s not me you should be worried about! Where’s my mom?! Hasn’t anyone told her I am here?” Leo demanded in a hoarse voice.

The nurse ignored his question. “Now, what is your name?”

“Leo Valdez,” he answered grumpily, glaring at the nurse.

“Good. How old are you?” the woman asked then.

“8 years. But how does that have anything to do with anything? I want my mom here!”

“Calm down, Mr. Valdez. We are just doing some routine tests. You hit your head pretty badly. Now, do you remember your home address?”

Leo, despite still feeling quite dizzy, got really angry about the question. “Yes, I do, but it doesn’t matter! There’s probably nothing left of it anymore! Because it burned down!” The tears finally demanded to get out of his system as he added with a tiny voice: “And I don’t know where my mom is.”

The nurse looked very hesitant for a moment. “I, um… You know, I think we are gonna complete this test a bit later. There are some people who have been wanting to see you.” She looked towards the door restlessly.

“Is it mom?” Leo asked instantly.

The nurse just shook her head. “You’ll see soon.”

She let the visitors in and left the room, closing the door behind her. Leo found himself staring at a firefighter, who he vaguely recognized as the same one who had carried him to safety after his fall. With him entered a police officer whom Leo had not seen before. Why would a police officer want to meet him, he wondered. Maybe they’d sentence him to prison for burning the house down?

“It was an accident!” Leo blurted before the men had time to say anything, trying to look brave even though he had just cried.

“We know, we know,” the firefighter tried to calm him down. “That’s not why we are here. We wanted to see how you were doing, and, um…” he looked helplessly at his companion.

“We have some bad news,” the police officer went straight to the topic.

“Is it about the house?” Leo asked.

“No, it’s about your mother… she’s gone.”

It took Leo a moment to register what the police officer had said.

“What?” he yelled.

“I’m sorry, but she is dead.”

Leo couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was already so panicked that denial was his only coping mechanism left. “Again, what?”

“It is true, young man,” the police officer stated matter-of-factly.

“But she can’t be! She wasn’t even home…!” Leo squeaked, trying to make sense of the situation in his blurry, shocked mind.

The firefighter spoke this time. “I’m so sorry, son… but he’s not lying. We found her in your house. The neighbor who called us had seen her go in before we arrived, and… when we got there… it was already too late.”

“But… but…” Leo had a very hard time getting any words out at that moment. “Why… why would she go in…? And… why didn’t anyone stop her?”

Again the visitors hesitated before answering. “This is just what we heard from a couple of witnesses, but… it seems like she had gone in to… look for you…”

Leo wished the sweet unconsciousness had returned to him in that moment, but that didn’t happen. Instead, it felt like something tried to pull his heart out of his chest. His mind was going through about a hundred different things at the same time: grief, anger, denial… and perhaps above everything else, guilt. It was his fault. It was his fault that the house had burned, and it was his fault that his mother had gone into the burning house. If he had been there to warn her… if she had known… But no, he had had to jump from upstairs to the backyard from where he had been harder to find. And then he had, only half conscious, dragged himself to a nearby trench where the humidity had protected him, being even harder to spot unless you happened to walk right next to it.

That meant that his mother had gone into the house thinking he was there… and she had died thinking he had died. All because he hadn’t listened to her, because he had left some papers on which he had been drawing too near the fireplace.

‘My fault. All my fault’, was all Leo could hear in his head on repeat. He noticed that the firefighter was trying to say something, but he could not register what. Leo didn’t ask him to repeat what he had said. Instead, he stuttered with a weak voice:

“You didn’t answer my other question. Why… didn’t anyone… stop her?”

The police officer sighed sadly. “From what we know, your neighbors had tried to tell her to not go in, that there was nothing she could do, but she refused to listen. The… smoke had already suffocated her by the time we arrived.”

Leo clenched his small fists, unable to focus his gaze anywhere. Everything around him was just a meaningless blur. All of a sudden, nothing mattered to him anymore. With his mother, Leo hadn’t just lost the most important person in his life, the only person who had ever really cared about him and understood him. He had lost his home, his safety, everything that he had loved. More to himself than to the men in the room, he sobbed:

“What's going to happen to me?”

And then everything went blank.

*end flashback*

…

When Leo woke up, he noticed he was breathing very sharply. He had to tell himself to slow it down a bit, trying to focus on the breathing instead of the dream he had just seen. Once he had calmed down a bit, he realized his face was soaked from the tears. The good feeling from the day before was gone, and suddenly he remembered all too well why he hated that holiday so much. His mother had died on Christmas day, 11 years ago.

The worst part about the nightmare he had just seen? It had actually happened. Sure, the details might have changed in Leo’s mind a bit because he had been so young when his mother had died, but most of it was true. The fire, the jumping, the people in the hospital, all true. When he had still been a kid, he had dared to hope that maybe someday the memories would start fading and it wouldn’t hurt so much. But now, 11 years later, he knew better. Thanks to the therapy and Jo, Emmie and the friends’ help, he did have moments when he managed to feel happy, focus on the future and forget the pain for a time being, but when it came back, it was always as intense. And it was especially bad on Christmas days, the anniversary of those horrific events.

‘Pull yourself together’, Leo told himself. ‘This is not what your mother would have wanted for you.’

‘No’, another, the evil voice in his head said. ‘But then again, if it weren’t for you, she would still be here.’

He groaned at himself and decided that it would be better to get himself up and moving rather than lay there listening to the voices. Sitting up, he combed his fingers through his messy hair in an attempt to tame it, with little success. After that, he wiped the tears from his face, trying to pretend it had never happened. Registering the voices coming from the living room, he figured some of his family members were already awake even though it was still rather early. They, especially Georgina, were lucky that they didn’t know what was going through in his head that day; it would have ruined everyone’s Christmas.

Trying to pull himself together and put on a happy face, he got up and washed his face in the bathroom quickly before joining the family. The moment he reached the bottom of the stairs, Georgina ran to him and hugged him.

“Merry Christmas, hermano!”

Leo patted her hair absentmindedly, thinking that Georgina was now only a year older than he had been when… no, he had to stop thinking about it. If not for anyone else’s sake, then Georgina’s. She deserved to have a happy day.

“Merry Christmas to you too, hermanita. Well, did Santa visit? Did he receive my memo on your behavior towards me this year?”

Georgina pulled away from him and folded his arms. “I’m not a little baby anymore; I know Santa doesn’t actually exist. But we did get presents! Even you, although I was kind of surprised about that.”

Leo clutched his shirt. “Ouch, Georgie! I thought you were on my side!”

The siblings continued bickering playfully as they waited for the others. They had a tradition in their house that everyone needed to be there for the present opening. Soon Josephine appeared with a tray full of coffee cups, gingerbread cookies and certain small pies she used to bake every Christmas.

“Where are the others?” Georgina asked impatiently as she started stuffing the cookies into her mouth and drummed her legs against the sofa. “I want to open the presents already!”

“Calm down, Georgie,” Jo scolded her. “Emmie is checking the cats and dogs because they also need care on Christmas day, and Calypso may still be sleeping.”

“Ugh, I told her I wanna start opening the presents early!” Georgina protested. “I’ll go wake her up if she isn’t here in 10 minutes!”

“You’ll wake who up?” Calypso showed up from the stairway. Hearing her voice and seeing her face, Leo forgot for a moment why he had been so upset earlier. Somehow her presence just had that weird effect on him. She was wearing a green holiday sweater knitted by Annabeth over her pajamas – pink with some small flower prints – and her hair was flying freely, slightly wavy because of the braids that Georgie had insisted on making the previous evening. Somehow even that casual look made her look adorable in his eyes and his throat felt dry for entirely different reasons than a few minutes earlier. Leo almost missed Calypso’s next words due to his distraction. “Sorry that you had to wait, Georgina. I was finishing up one last present because I wasn’t entirely happy with it.”

“No worries!” Georgina exclaimed. Apparently the last minute gift preparing was a good enough reason to be late in her books, because Leo knew that if he had been late for the gift opening, the little girl wouldn’t have forgiven that easily.

Calypso put her pile of neatly packed presents under the tree to wait and turned to the others.

“So, merry Christmas, everyone! If I am allowed to be honest with you, I don’t really know a lot about Christmas traditions… My family never celebrated it… But I want to learn!”

“We’ll teach you,” Georgina told her immediately. “It’s gonna be so much fun, you’ll see!”

Leo wished he himself could have been as enthusiastic about the holiday as Georgina was, but tried to keep the happy face on anyway.

“Cal, try some of those pies before Georgie has eaten them all.” He pointed to the tray Jo had brought. Calypso glanced at him suspiciously for a moment. “Don’t give me that look; I swear I didn’t make them. It’s all Jo and Emmie.”

“Fine,” Calypso agreed and took a bite. “This is really good!” she exclaimed once her mouth was empty.

“Told you. Now do you trust me?” Leo asked her teasingly.

“Hmmm. That’s still to be determined,” Calypso replied, but Leo could see her smile into her piece of pie.

As everyone waited for Emmie to return inside, they kept up a light banter as they ate their Christmas breakfast in the living room. Even Leo did his best to participate in it, and soon he did feel a bit better, although if someone had looked at him more closely, they would have noticed the smile on his face didn’t reach his eyes.

Finally, Emmie arrived together with Festus and Georgina instantly pulled her towards the Christmas tree so they could start the gift sharing. A grin spread across Leo’s face as well when he watched the little girl run back and forth as she delivered the packages to their rightful owners. This was now, he tried to remind himself. What happened in the past… was in the past and his mother would probably have wanted him to enjoy these moments.

Not that he’d ever know that for sure, the nasty voice in Leo’s head said again, and the grin almost disappeared from his face.

To no one’s surprise, Georgina got the most presents because even some family friends and neighbors had sent her something (that’s what happened when she got everyone wrapped around her finger, Leo thought), but everyone else got their fair share of self made gifts as well. Leo noticed that Calypso had three packages; one from him, one from Georgina who had insisted on making her own present, and one from Jo and Emmie. He found himself wishing she’d like what he had made; he had spent quite a lot of time on it.

Before anyone could start ripping their wrapping papers off the presents, Festus was given some treats so he wouldn’t interrupt the gift opening too much. Georgina got the privilege of getting to open hers first. She chuckled at Leo’s jokes in the photo album, which Leo took as a success, and squealed excitedly at the tiny dragon toy he had carved from wood and painted. Calypso had sewed her a detailed gryphon plushie, because Leo had told her that Georgina had recently gotten interested in the mythical creatures, a topic Calypso knew a lot about. The little girl hugged the plushie enthusiastically while Calypso promised her to tell her more about the Greek mythology later when they’d have more time. Emmie gave Georgie a tiny beginning of a plant that she’d get to raise on her own, and Jo, the practical person that she was, gave her a pocket knife for tinkering with a warning that she’d only get to use it under her supervision.

Leo and Calypso allowed Jo and Emmie to open their presents next. It was mostly practical stuff, like woolly socks, self made chocolate, and new tools (which broke the ‘homemade’ rule but Leo knew Jo needed them), but Leo had also tinkered frames for a photo of the Waystation family and asked Calypso to decorate it with her paints. The final result looked pretty good in his opinion.

Next was Calypso’s turn. Georgina had attempted to crochet a potholder for her because Leo had guiltily admitted that he may have accidentally ruined one of Calypso’s potholders while cooking something. However, since she was still a beginner in the handicrafts, the potholder had some room for improvement, but Leo could see from Calypso’s happy face that she appreciated the gesture. Leo had also told his mothers that Calypso really loved her flowers, so they gave her a white orchid in a pot that Jo had once crafted. Finally, she opened the gift Leo had made for her. He was biting his lip and tapping his fingers nervously even though he tried to act nonchalant as he watched Calypso’s reaction. Before she removed the paper, she knocked on the surface of the gift, trying to guess what was in it.

“Is this a tool box? So you could borrow mine when you lose yours?” She teased.

“Well, at least that would be useful, don’t you think? But hold your horses; it’s probably not what you think it is,” Leo hinted. Calypso gave him a quizzical look and Leo took that as a sign that she really had no idea what the gift was.

“I guess there’s only one way to find out,” she noted and started carefully removing the paper. Unlike Georgina, she made sure that the paper would still be usable on some later occasion. Calypso wasn’t entirely wrong with her guess; the gift was indeed a box of sorts. But it wasn’t for tools. Instead, it was a jewelry box; wooden, self made, painted rose pink, which happened to be Calypso’s favorite color. When she opened it, she noticed a small mirror on the lid with some text on it. The box also played one of those few songs that they both happened to like. Calypso traced her finger on the smooth surface of the box for a moment before she noticed that there was still something more in the box: a silvery bracelet with a letter C hanging from it. She took it into her hands and admired it for a moment before reading aloud the text that had been written on the mirror:

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep rereading the last one.”

“Um, yeah…” Leo was unsure how he should respond. Suddenly he got worried he had been too straightforward with that message, and Calypso wouldn’t appreciate it. “It was a quote, um, that I happened to stumble upon somewhere recently… But I thought it was quite fitting?”

Calypso looked at him straight into the eyes and for a moment Leo managed to forget that there were others in the room. It was as if she was trying to message him wordlessly that she understood the meaning of the quote.

“Yes, I think it works,” she replied slowly. “For both of us.”

Leo felt his ears getting heated and attempted to comb his hair over them with his fingers to not make it so painfully obvious. Given what day it was, he understood that it was ironic he was using that quote when he himself was struggling to let go from his past.

“True,” he had to admit, looking at the others nervously from the corner of his eye. “It’s… it’s something that we both should try to remember. Something we have in common, right?”

Calypso seemed to accept his explanation. “Right. Um, this box is really beautiful. You’ve seen a lot of trouble with it. The music and all… It’s really nice. Did you even make this bracelet?”

Even though Leo should have prepared himself for that question, he felt embarrassed to reveal the bracelet’s origins, afraid it might sound too sentimental. He rubbed the back of his neck and cleared his throat to get more time to consider his answer.

“The… the chain was from an old bracelet my mom had… My biological mom, I mean. I didn’t get to keep a lot of her belongings but this had survived… and my dear aunt didn’t want to keep it so I’ve been carrying it around as a charm of some sort. But the thing is, I don’t really need it so it was Jo’s suggestion that I could give it to someone who’d use it. She helped me make this,” he showed the C, “because I don’t really…”

“Want to forge anything,” Calypso finished for him. “Yeah. I understand.”

“Good. If you don’t like it, you can give it to someone else; I’m sure my mom wouldn’t mind…”

Calypso gave him an encouraging smile. “Oh, no! This bracelet meant a lot to you so it means a lot to me. It’s a really nice gesture, Leo.”

“You’re welcome?” he replied, kind of flustered by her reaction.

Calypso fiddled with the gift for a moment before turning her attention back to Leo.

“Would you like to put this on my wrist? I’d like to see how it fits.”

“Oh… alright!” Leo agreed, wishing he could say something that didn’t make him sound like a complete idiot. But then again, he reminded himself, wasn’t that what most people thought of him? And since when had he cared?

Calypso handed the bracelet to him and Leo took a very light hold of her wrist, as if afraid that he’d burn her skin with his hot fingers. He was so focused on his task that he even forgot that it was technically against the ‘rules’ they had set, but Calypso had initiated it so who was he to deny her request? He put the chain around her wrist with fumbling fingers and closed the lock. After that he allowed his hand to stay around hers a moment longer. He swiped the surface of the chain with his finger, also touching the back of her hand by accident (or maybe on purpose). Calypso looked up from their hands to him with a surprisingly soft expression that he hadn’t seen since that day when they had promised each other to try harder to be ‘just friends’. His brain sent sparks through his spine and he felt very warm all of a sudden.

“I… um… it seems to fit, doesn’t it?” he finally stuttered, looking down at the bracelet, Calypso’s gaze still lingering in his mind. He let her wrist go and already his hand felt much colder, as if it was missing something.

“Oh, yeah,” Calypso nodded, absentmindedly fiddling with the chain of the bracelet. “It’s small enough that it won’t fall but it’s not too small.”

“Good,” Leo said, a smile returning to his face. “Guess you’re just as tiny as my mom was.” He finally managed to bring out his more playful side.

“Have you looked into the mirror lately, Mister Super-Sized McShizzle? You’re not exactly a giant yourself,” Calypso teased back.

Georgina giggled at her response. “You tell him, Calie!”

“This Georgina here, though,” Leo grinned at her, “she must really have some giant blood in her. She uses my overalls in the garage sometimes!”

“I do not,” Georgina denied quickly. “They’re stinky.”

“Yeah? And you smell like flowers and rainbows,” Leo retorted and started tickling the little girl.

For a moment Leo was able to forget that he hated Christmas as he played with Georgina, but then someone reminded him that he still had to open his own presents. He looked at the pile he had gotten and thought briefly that he had gotten more of them than what he had expected. Georgina had drawn him a picture of him with Festus and sewed him a simple pencil case for his blueprint pencils. Jason and Piper had gotten him a book about weird mechanics facts. Percy had sent him a new orange t-shirt so Leo could return him the one that he had once borrowed after a workout (which, according to Percy, was ‘way too big for him anyway’). Leo’s moms had made him an awesome tool case where even the bigger tools would fit and baked some of his favorite goodies. Finally, it was the turn for Calypso’s present, though.

“What do you think it is?” Calypso asked, glancing at him curiously.

“My first guess would have been a pack of olives because you know how much I love those things… But this doesn’t feel like them. It’s mostly soft but there are some hard parts too. Maybe a bit like a backpack?"

“That wasn’t a half bad guess,” Calypso responded. “But I won’t tell you the correct answer; you can figure it out on your own.” She invited Leo to open the present.

“Okie, Sunshine, will do.”

He ripped the paper (which was Leo’s favorite shade of red) off notably less gracefully than Calypso had done with her presents, but his mouth opened involuntarily when he saw what was inside. It was a toolbelt, not looking like one of those belts that broke in his use after the first couple of days (Leo had a habit to load them too full sometimes), but sturdy, well made. Leo wondered where she had obtained the leather she had used in it, and hoped that it hadn’t cost her too much money. The belt had four different sized pockets for the tools and it seemed like one of them had something in it, but before Leo checked what was inside, he turned to Calypso:

“How did you know I needed one of these?”

“Probably because you’ve been carrying wrenches and stuff in your jean pockets and I’ve also seen your room and that’s enough for me to be able to tell you need a place for your tools,” Calypso smirked. Leo barely heard her answer. He didn’t want to admit aloud that one of the reasons why he was suddenly feeling so sentimental about a tool belt was because it reminded him a lot of the one his mom had made for him when he was a kid. “I hope this wasn’t too much trouble…” He noted more quietly than usual.

“It was not trouble at all,” Calypso reassured him. “I have sewed more difficult things. The leather was actually from one of my old bags that my dad got for me – which I hated – so I didn’t even have to buy a lot of the materials. Besides, you yourself made this,” she knocked the wooden cover of the jewelry box, “and I bet it was a lot more difficult.”

“Nah, it wasn’t…” Leo tried to protest and he noticed the others in the room had a hard time keeping their faces straight as they listened to the flatmates competing whose present had taken more time. “The music was probably the most complicated part.”

“Okay,” Calypso said, deciding to leave the debate there. “Hey, I forgot to mention that there is something small in one of the pockets. You could check it out now.”

“Alright, I will,” Leo told her. He reached out to the said pocket and found a small box from it. His smile instantly disappeared from his face when he realized what it was. Everyone went quiet for a while as they were waiting for his reaction.

“Why would you give me matches, especially today of all days?” He lifted his gaze from the box, his eyes sparkling angrily. Before anyone could say anything, he threw the box away and jumped up from his seat. Calypso’s sad face was the last thing he saw before storming out of the room.

#caleo #leo valdez #calypso #heroes of olympus #percy jackson and the olympians #trials of apollo #my fics #caleo uni au #finally this fic is living up to its name

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prettywordsyouleft · 4 years

Text

Forsaken | Part 10

Summary: As one of the Forsaken, Jinyoung had no right to covet anything as his own. When he stumbles across you standing in the middle of the village he had plundered, the memories of old make him risk it all, clutching at the past in hopes for a better future.

Pairing: Park Jinyoung x reader

Genre: warrior au / star crossed lovers / angst / romance

Warnings: death, kidnapping, cursing, a myriad of emotions - this is a really sad love story.

Index: Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15

“I don’t know about you but it feels so freeing to be out here like this,” you commented with a skip to your step, Youngjae casting an exasperated look in your direction as he hobbled along with a cane to support him.

“Oh yes, how very wonderful when there’s not a soldier in sight to protect us.”

“Precisely!” You spun around and then grinned at Youngjae. “We could even run away together now.”

“What about Jinyoung? Don’t you worry about his heartache?”

You grinned. “He’ll find me. He did after all these years.”

“You’re foolish to think the Gods above would give you another chance if you threw away everything now.”

“I know, don’t worry I’m joking. Being completely free right now is all a pipe dream. Especially since we’re not without a warrior either.”

“Please don’t go saying because you’ve played with some weapons that you can now protect us-” Angling Youngjae to the tree line, you pointed out the shadow that you had noticed following along twenty minutes prior. “Oh. Not you then.”

“Still, I have my dagger so if anyone tries anything in the village, mark my words, I’ll stab them with it! Fear not, Youngjae!”

“I still don’t feel comfortable with you, but knowing we have Jackson following us puts me completely at ease.”

“Why, because I’m a woman?!”

“No, because you’re used to stabbing trees and stuffed bags, not humans.”

“Come a little closer and I’ll stab you instead!” you grumbled, folding your arms across your chest.

Youngjae chuckled heartily then and with the look in his eye, you called it a truce.

You were grateful for Jinyoung letting you leave the base. You hadn’t thought he would allow you out of his sights ever again, not that you would blame him for being like that. Whilst you craved the world being brighter and fuller than it was within that mountainside, you knew you couldn’t cope without seeing Jinyoung for long either.

Half the reason you were moving so fast, you realised, was so you could get back to him before dark.

Still, it was nice to head out with Youngjae. You liked him a great deal and could tell you complimented one another as friends. You were excited that he was coming along with you on your escape to Nowhere, and were determined to protect him at all costs.

You weren’t joking when you said you would stab anyone who threatened his safety.

It was nice to be doing something outside of the forest boundary line though. If you could pull off this trip to town with Youngjae, then surely you would be up for more in the future. You were hopeful that once settled in your new place together that you and Youngjae could journey to gather supplies more often, and Jackson could do so at your sides, not lurking within the shadows as he had so far.

The trip to the village took most of the morning, and after grabbing the order and a meal at the inn, you headed back in the direction you had ventured from. It was an hour into your journey home when you were startled to find Jackson running out from under the cover of the trees towards you both, throwing Youngjae over his shoulder and grabbing onto your hand. Diving behind a derelict building and the verge of a tree line, Jackson signalled for you all to be silent as he peered out from behind the wall at whatever it was that threatened your travels.

“Must we-”

He silenced your hushed question and continued to look out towards the road. It was then that you heard thundering hooves, and with a glance around Jackson, you saw the flag of the Rebellion held within a couple of the riders’ hands.

They were another battalion. Pressing yourself against the wall as flashes of the day you were kidnapped plagued you, you weren’t even aware they had fully passed by until Jackson was shaking you out of your reverie.

“Y/N, we must hurry now!”

“Why did Jinyoung let me go out if he knew there could be a battalion on the…” You trailed off then, your thoughts racing as your eyes peeled in the direction of the camp. You started to run, panic coursing throughout you.

Jackson caught up with you and pulled you back to his side. “He’ll be okay; it was you he was protecting in the first place.”

“He sent me out because he knew they were coming?”

“We had a spy tell of our plans to leave the Rebellion. Jinyoung knew Argo and his hunting team would come to interrogate. If he found you there then-”

“Then?”

“It doesn’t matter. Let’s just hurry back to safety. Youngjae, come on!”

“Do you know who the spy is?” you asked once Youngjae was at your side and Jackson shrugged. “Well, surely you have suspicions?”

“The ones in the radio tower,” Jackson offered and Youngjae gasped noisily.

“BamBam and Yugyeom?! Surely not. They’re boisterous but good kids.”

“BamBam was the last to be transferred to our base. He’s always been a bit on edge. He’s the perfect suspect to me.”

“Maybe he has a reason. He doesn’t seem like someone who would do it just to have fun.”

Jackson sighed. “Either way, he broke Jinyoung’s trust and he’s not one to be all that forgiving about it.”

“Then we must hurry to-”

“To?” Youngjae repeated at your sudden stillness, reaching out for your hand. “Y/N?”

“They’re coming back,” you murmured, hearing hooves once more.

Darting to glance over your shoulder, you were confused when you didn’t see the horses on the path behind you.

“It’s an ambush. They knew something was up, after all,” Jackson murmured, kicking himself into gear again. “Come on into the trees, the horses will find it harder within here.”

“We can’t expect Youngjae to rush! Jackson, this won’t work.”

“Go on without me,” the latter urged and you shook your head, latching onto his arm and helping him through the bramble and roots.

“I won’t leave you!”

“Nor will I. We’ll stay together,” Jackson announced, eyes peeled towards the road.

It was tough going getting deeper into the woods and yet, it seemed to help you disappear from the army searching for you. Jackson made you hide when it was needed, and then efficiently assisted you both over the overgrown territory.

You could tell this terrain was tiring Youngjae. “I don’t know how much more I can handle.”

“We need to get to safety, Youngjae.”

“You need to, not me. I’m meant to be dead anyway.”

Jackson grunted. “No one’s dying today.”

“Besides, I’m also meant to be rid of this world and here I am. Come on, Youngjae, lean on me.”

For some time, you managed to travel without any intrusion. Being this deep into the forest meant you had no idea if you were travelling the right way, and the lack of lighting made it harder for you to rely on your compass. You were certain you had made it away from your attackers when you neared a road that separated the density of the trees. It was quiet, and Jackson nodded once.

“Follow after me,” he instructed lowly, cautiously stepping out onto the road. You followed, holding Youngjae’s arm in yours.

It wasn’t until you were in the middle of the road when you realised just how deadly this was about to become. The swoosh of an arrow hurtled passed your ear and you pushed Youngjae behind you, trying to find your dagger amidst the open fire. However, Jackson’s scream startled you, your eyes widening as you watch him fall to the ground.

“Well, looky here. I found a wandering shadow. And what’s this he brings into my pathway? It wouldn’t be what that silly cat thinks he could hide from me, now would it? Catch them, boys.”

“Run, Y/N,” Youngjae said with a shove but you didn’t budge, unable to uproot yourself from his side.

You weren’t cut out for this world after all. In the face of danger, your mind blanked and you couldn’t protect either of the men you had grown fond of. You weren’t prepared for anything. Much like the daze you had been in when the fires began to burn all around you in your last home, you were far too easy to catch and incapable of helping Jackson spluttering on the ground behind you as the rough men captured you and threw you on their cart alongside Youngjae.

Gripping at your compass, you closed your eyes and willed your voice to make it to Jinyoung.

He was your only hope now.

The shock drove you into a dreamless slumber, in which you woke from when you were roughly tossed into some sort of holding cell. Youngjae landed with a cry beside you and you crawled over to his side, trying to check him over.

“How dare you hurt him, you monster!” you cried and the men merely laughed in good humour at your feeble statement.

“Did you hear that Tatum, we’re monsters.”

“Monsters seem to roam these lands a lot. Silly girl doesn’t know her place.”

“Rather be a monster than a prisoner, I’d say.”

“Don’t bother with them, Y/N. They are too rotten in the mind to care,” Youngjae breathed, trying to straighten up.

Your tears were falling freely. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“I didn’t do what I was trained to do by Jinyoung and-”

“There was no way you could have helped either of us in that situation. Maybe if you ran you would outdo them, but chances are, they would have caught you. It was what they set out to do in the first place.”

“We should have never left the camp.”

“It would have been a bloodbath if we hadn’t.”

You heaved out a shaky breath. “It could have still been.”

“Jinyoung is the cat he referred to. That man thinks he’s outwitted Jinyoung in some way. If Jackson is alive, he’ll alert Jinyoung, don’t you worry.”

“That’s what worries me. Jinyoung’s reflexes will react impulsively and we’ll all end up dead before we can escape this hell. We need to try and do something ourselves. If we can meet him in the middle, then maybe we have a better chance of getting away.”

“How? We’re locked up.”

“Not without back up,” you mentioned quietly, hiking your pant leg up just enough to show the hilt of your dagger. Youngjae grinned, reaching to smooth the fabric back down to conceal your weapon.

“What should we do next?”

“Do you ever wonder what you would do in the face of danger?”

Glancing at the older woman across the room, you sighed. “I’m not sure.”

“You should have a plan, my dear.”

“Why? Those with power will always stamp out the weak.”

“Are you saying you’re weak?” she wondered, coming over with a tray of cut fruit. She set it down on the table and then smiled warmly at you. “You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

“Maybe, but I don’t feel like I could fight.”

“If it meant your parents could come back?” she suggested and you blinked back the instant rise in emotions. “Or that boy, the one who owns your heart. If it was for them?”

“I wouldn’t hesitate to throw myself in harm’s way.”

“We should always prepare for the worst, and live for the best, my dear.”

“Hasn’t the worst already happened for me? I’m without them all.”

“You still hold onto your life, and that is most precious.”

“Some days…” you started, sighing heavily at her reproachful stare. “Grandmother, I really don’t get the lesson you are trying to teach me right now.”

“It’s okay not to have the answers in the beginning. It’s okay to feel hopeless. But I hope with time in your situation, you will know what your best move will be.”

Thinking of Jinyoung and how he always looked over his shoulder for what-ifs, you shook your head. “I can’t keep thinking like this. If something bad comes my way, then fate can decide if I’m worthy or not.”

“Why should you put such a burden on poor fate like that?!” she chastised, holding out a piece of pear to you. “Use your surroundings to your advantage. Think of what must be done to reach out and hold onto your loved ones again. One day you might be on your own without me in this world, and I need to know you will continue to fight even then.”

“What would I do in the face of danger?” you mused, taking a bite of the pear distractedly.

If it meant seeing your loved ones one last time, you hoped you would give it your all.

_________________

Part 11

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lorei-writes · 4 years

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Behind the scenes: Witch!MC - Yukimura & Sasuke

It’s kinda hard to believe it’s the end of this series.

Okay, let’s dive right into this. This time the thing that ties (very loosely, at that) the stories together is... atypical MCs! (At least compared to the other ones from the series).

To Yukimura’s MC we go!

What’s atypical about her?

Well, she’s not human. At least not necessarily a human-human.

Human-human? Then what is she then?

She said that if humans were defined words, she’d be a one without a definition. In other words - whatever she turns into, she is that thing. Mind you, she is not a human that possesses an ability to morph into other things, but a being, which came into existence and then woke up as a human. She was not born like any of us, she doesn’t have human parents, she didn’t have childhood - she just materialized.

Why does she ask so many questions?

It’s because of who she is! Yes, she came into existence as a fully grown human, but she lacks the knowledge of one. Everything to her is new, it’s exciting! She’s kinda like a child in that regard - she’s extremely curious and doesn’t see why she shouldn’t ask.

Wait, did you really make him date an emotional child?

No.

She had couple of centuries that she spent on learning about the world - the animals, humans, etc. She traveled a lot. She just has a very poor grasp on social constructs - which doesn’t mean she doesn’t know them, she does. She is aware of their existence, but... She doesn’t necessarily implement them in her life.

You see, she knows that humans wear clothes. She has just forgotten that, but was previously made aware of the fact.

Remember, she has already lived through a couple of centuries and has only just recently returned to the lake. It is never said that she was human all this time - she could have very well been a bird or a fish for decades! She’s at this awkward point where she switches from one mode to another. Imagine falling asleep at 2AM and waking up at 4 PM - you can switch to going to sleep at 8PM and waking up at 6 AM, but that transitions isn’t smooth at all, is it?

She didn’t know what weapons were? Really?

Yeah. It may just say that she didn’t spend all that much time as a human outside of the peaceful times. And I don’t know about you, but if I had a huge cut on my leg, that would be a new experience to me - and I’m a human.

Okay, what exactly is her ability?

She can turn into anything, as far as we know. No more data on that matter.

If she was just grazed by an arrow, then why did she... Whaat?

Okay, birds in general are smaller than humans, right? Scale up a somewhat medium-size injury in bird’s leg to a human size leg and it will be bigger, possibly also deeper.

Again, she was never injured like that and she doesn’t know how it would heal, so hence her lack of proper care of it later on.

As for Sasuke’s MC...

What’s atypical about her?

She’s the first MC in this series that comes from XXI century Japan. She actually somewhat follow the original “how did we end up in Sengoku” game intro.

How does her ability work?

She can rewind time back for anything (objects and living things) to up to 23 minutes. In other words - she can make you 23 minutes younger. HOWEVER, it doesn’t simply make it younger. - she literally replaces the object with its previous version. She takes the thing from present and swaps it with one from the past, creating an alternate timeline in result.

To quote the other rules:

As they found out, she couldn’t rewind anything by more than 23 minutes, it was safe to turn living organisms back in time and, had she used her ability on herself, she did possess the notion of what was the last thing she had thought about before the change.

Is that “however” part even important?

Yes! Extremely so! In Sasuke’s plan, she is to turn herself back in time and change what they did.

So, she swapped her current self with a one 23 minutes younger. Then, as she was in an alternate timeline, she did that again, starting yet another timeline and then again, again and again, until she ended up at the place she was at three months ago. However, she was 3 months older than the version of her who originally came from that timeline.

That being said, all those timelines are new alternate ones, not just alternate timelines. They were created the very moment she swapped herself with her younger version.

Why did Sasuke even suggest such a plan? Why didn’t he just dropped her there instantly?

His plan wasn’t meant to be successful in his timeline - it was meant to secure one, in which he could be with her. From the very beginning, he knew she’d leave him and... He suspected he may die. Did he? I don’t know.

He couldn’t have dropped here there instantly, because she can’t rewind any amount of time. It wasn’t mentioned anywhere, but we can assume it takes her at least a 0.1 to use her power. Almost instant, right?

Okay, now let’s say she’s 25 and rewinds herself to 3 years of age. She has to work back 22 years.

If we work based on the premise that a year is 366 days (just to have a couple of days extra rather than miss some), that’s 8 052 days - which equals to 193 248 hours or 11 594 880 minutes. If she can travel back 23 minutes at most, it would take her 504 125, 217 rewinds back (you can’t half rewind,so it would be 504 126). With each rewind taking 0,1 second, that gives us 50 412,6 seconds - and that’s around 14 hours. See? Takes time.

#my hc #my ff #yukimura sanada #sasuke sarutobi

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shipmistress9 · 5 years

Text

FTLOAP: Chapter 44: Love Is A Shield To Hide Behind

Fandom: HTTYD

Theme: Hiccstrid - Medieval-style AU - Romance - Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Reduced to little more than a stable boy, Hiccup, despite his noble birth, has few prospects for more in life. But when he meets a girl who came to look at the horses, being a stable boy might not be enough anymore. Together, they have tough choices to make and great risks to navigate if they want to survive and be together.

Rating: Explicit

FF-net - AO3 -

Discord-server for discussions and questions

Part 1: Prologue; Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11;

Part 2: Chapter 12; Chapter 13; Chapter 14; Interlude 1; Chapter 15; Chapter 16; Chapter 17; Chapter 18; Chapter 19; Chapter 20; Chapter 21; Chapter 22; Chapter 23; Chapter 24; Chapter 25; Chapter 26; Interlude 2; Chapter 27: Chapter 28 ; Chapter 29 ; Chapter 30; Chapter 31; Chapter 32; Interlude 3; Bonus 1; Chapter 33

Part 3: Chapter 34; Chapter 35; Chapter 36; Interlude 4; Chapter 37; Chapter 38; Chapter 39; Chapter 40; Interlude 5; Chapter 41; Chapter 42; Chapter 43

Alpha/Co-author: @athingofvikings

. – * – _ . o O o . _ – * – .

AN: Ah, here we finally are with the new chapter. Again sorry that I couldn't update last week, but well... Life...

Anyway, a huge THANK YOU to you all and your congratulations on my pregnancy! I really didn't expect that strong a response and it completely overwhelmed me. But also on this point and maybe to soothe some worries: this is already my third pregnancy; I already have to kids at the age of 6 and 8. So this isn't my first and I already have a good idea of what awaits me once the baby is there. Yes, I'm probably going to have even less time and nerves to write for a while. But I picked writing as a hobby because of my kids. Because it gives me the chance to be something else than just a mother all day. So I definitely won't stop writing! :)

And also: Another BIG Thank you to @ mintyfreshness ,@hey-its-laura-again ,@tally21112 ,@oneleggeddork , @thepixiedustfactory , @heathenvampires ,@haddocktree and @angelstar1st for your support and your kind words a little while ago. I still struggle with those same issues, but thanks to you all, I’m doing a lot better now. :)

In this chapter now, things happen that have been planned for ages again, and I'm really excited that we've reached this point by now.

This chapter's title comes from 'Love Is A Shield' by Camouflage. It wasn't a title I'd decided on before and for a while, I actually struggled with how to name this chapter. But when I heard the song on the radio a few days back, it all clicked into place and afterwards, the chapter went through some heavy editing again. xD But I really like how it turned out now.

Furthermore on the topic music: I also stumbled across the song 'Brother' by Kodaline (again, I should add. I know that I've heard it before). And I feel like it's the perfect song to describe our Chaos Squad.

. o O o .

Only slowly, awareness seeped back into Astrid’s mind as she woke. She was someplace soft, with someone holding her, and a familiar scent in her nose. Denial almost rose in her, but then the memories of the previous night came back as well. She wasn’t dreaming that she was in Hiccup’s arms, his warmth seeping into her, his shallow breathing ruffling her hair.

With a sigh, she turned in his arms and cuddled closer against his chest, basking in his closeness. Everything would be okay. These horrible two weeks of separation were over, and from now on, they wouldn’t let go of each other ever again. She didn’t know how they’d manage that yet and last night’s discussion hadn’t brought up anything either, as far as she’d noticed at least. But she just knew that it would work out. Everything else was unacceptable.

For a short while, Astrid just watched him sleep. It was something she’d rarely seen before, with how they’d usually been equally exhausted when falling asleep and in a hurry when they’d woken up. But now, she had the time to really look at him, the light of early dawn falling through the window. He looked so peaceful and soft, as if nothing could bother him, and she wasn’t able to put into words how… how soothing that sight was. There had been so much pain and hurt and desperation on his face lately, so much sorrow – but now, it was all gone.

Unable to hold back, she reached up and brushed a strand of his unruly hair out of his face. At her touch, Hiccup stirred with a soft grunt. His arms around her tightened as if on reflex, before he slowly opened his eyes, his lips stretching into a warm smile at her sight.

“Good morning,” he mumbled, blinking a few times before his eyes were truly able to focus and his mind seemed to clear a little. “So last night wasn’t a dream after all. Or am I still dreaming?”

Chuckling, Astrid shook her head. “No, you’re not,” she murmured back and caressed his face to prove that she was real.

His smile widened and he leaned closer to place a soft kiss on her forehead. Astrid closed her eyes, humming at the intimate gesture, before she stretched to seek his lips with her own. When they kissed, it was calm and reassuring, his hand eventually roaming upwards to cradle her face. Smiling against his lips, she basked in the familiar touch, content in the perfection of this moment.

But just like every moment, it had to end eventually.

Too soon, a knock sounded from the door before it carefully got pushed open and Rachel poked her head inside. “Milady, it’s time,” she said in a low but urgent voice. “It won’t be long now before the rest of the castle wakes up.”

Astrid didn’t want to go, but she understood why it was necessary. Reluctantly, she peeled herself out of the nest of blankets and limbs she and Hiccup had slept in. It didn’t take her too long to get ready to leave, despite frequently getting distracted by his hands on her arms or his lips on her skin. And if Ruff minded the delay, she didn’t say anything for which Astrid was incredibly grateful.

“When can we meet like this again?” she eventually asked as they were about to leave, unsure whether she’d meant to ask Hiccup or Ruff. Since Hiccup could only shrug with a somewhat insecure expression, it was Ruff who answered after a short pause.

“Dagur and Eret suggested to meet again in two or three nights; we all need rest tonight and also need time to think or look up other options. And don’t look at me like that, young lady,” she added when Astrid’s face fell, “I know perfectly well that you can’t wait to get under his clothes again.” With a sly smirk, she glanced from her to Hiccup and back again. “I mean, I know that we won’t be able to keep you apart. But after all the sneaking through the castle you already did, I’d rather you’re meeting somewhere safe from now on. Tuff and I are looking into options there. The easiest would probably be to sneak him,” she nodded at Hiccup who had a somewhat stony expression on his face, ”into your rooms. Nobody goes into your bedroom without my say-so anyway.”

“And what if someone does?” Hiccup asked.

“Well, there’s space under the bed. I’ll knock and give you time to hide, and sneak you out later.”

Tuff snorted from outside the room. “Putting the cart before the horse, sis. How do you plan to get him in there in the first place?”

“I have an idea. But no promises for tonight,” Ruff rebutted.

Astrid nodded, trying to express her gratefulness, even as waiting for another day or two felt like an eternity. But at least she would be able to spend more time in Hiccup’s arms again. That was all that mattered. She turned to Hiccup again and stretched to give him a hurried kiss goodbye, giggling at the contrast of his soft lips and the rough scraping of his stubbles.

His hands held her tight though, unwilling to let her go just yet. “See you later,” he rasped into her ear, his fingers at her waist twitching.

Again, Astrid nodded as she retreated enough to look at him, her fingers raised to trace his lower lip. “Yes, later,” she breathed before she retreated for good.

Later meant today’s tournament. They wouldn’t be able to interact in any meaningful way, but at least they would see each other. That – and the memories of this wonderful and peaceful morning – would have to be enough for now.

. o O o .

Yes, she was certain that, eventually, she would need the reminder of waking up in Hiccup’s arms to cheer herself up. But for a while, everything was fine. After Ruff had escorted her back into her rooms, she’d lain down to get a little more sleep, before she was to meet everyone for breakfast again.

“I can’t believe how much your mood improved,” Tuff muttered as they walked down the corridors and stairs, her steps lighter than she’d felt in a very long time. “I mean, it’s not as if you’ve actually found a solution to your problem yet.”

He spoke quietly so as not to risk anyone overhearing them, and Astrid replied in the same manner. “Oh, I know we haven’t yet. But I’m positive that we will find one eventually.” Despite Eret’s warning and Hiccup’s reluctance, she hadn’t yet ruled out simply running away. Maybe Eret was right and they would have to somehow prepare their disappearance – somehow avert all the consequences he’d painted out – but that would certainly be manageable… somehow. Either way, she would not let anything come between her and Hiccup ever again, would trust in their love and in the certainty that it would overcome everything. Besides, it wasn’t as if she was important. She wasn’t the heir to the throne, the one who would have to lead the Kingdom one day. No, she was only the spare, nothing less – but also nothing more.

With something of a fond snort, Tuff shook his head but didn’t comment further. They’d almost reached the breakfast room by now, and from some side corridor in front of them, hissed voices could be heard. Curiously, Astrid threw a glance in that direction as they passed the opening and was surprised to spot Snot and his father standing a little distance away. From the way Spitelout towered over his son and Snot’s stony expression, it looked like a scolding. The sight surprised her, but Astrid quickly averted her gaze and hurried on. What happened between Snot and his father wasn’t her business. Although… maybe, if Snot’s behaviour really had returned to that of her joking and funny brother, she’d ask him about it later.

With the truest smile in what felt like ages, she entered the breakfast room and found everyone else already in their seats. After cheerfully greeting the assembled men, she took her seat next to Eret, and gladly accepted the bread roll, butter, and honey as he handed her one after the other. It wasn’t that much different from how he’d usually behaved, but she was aware of the fond smiles the older men threw them, of how their interactions would look to them. When she tore into her food with gusto – not even remembering when she’d last eaten, much less when she’d enjoyed eating anything – it even earned her some low but friendly chuckling from the end of the table where her father and the Grand Dukes sat. But she didn’t pay them any attention either. Of course, they thought her good mood originated from Eret, and for now, Astrid was happy to keep it that way. Well… it wasn’t her fault when they drew the wrong conclusions, was it? It meant that nobody would pay Hiccup any mind, that he was safe.

Thinking about him made her smile even brighter, remembering how she’d spend this night, short as it was, safely encased in his arms. She really hoped Ruff’s idea to get them more nights like this together again would work. She couldn’t wait to go back to him, his warmth, the soothing reassurance that they wouldn’t part again. And, to be honest, she also couldn’t wait to feel him again, his hands and lips on her skin, searching and exploring, pouring heat and pleasure into her body until she couldn’t take any more. She didn’t fool herself, knew that they would need a little time to reconnect to that part of their relationship – not to mention the mortifying realisation about how Tuff must have overheard them in the past and how she wouldn’t want to risk that again. But all that were questions for later.

“I’m glad to see you smile like this again, Astrid,” came her father’s voice, tearing her out of her daydreaming. “Up until yesterday, I was truly worried about you.”

His words made her grimace, which she quickly hid behind taking a sip of her tea. Yesterday… The ride… Markor… Her heart stuttered painfully at the reminder, but she quickly fought down the pain and instead retrieved the happy memory of her morning with Hiccup, of his kisses and caresses, his smile. She even preferred thinking about the awkward ride back to the castle, about how much easier that could have been if only she’d given in to the urge to lean back against him and let his closeness comfort her.

The distraction helped her focus again. With everything else that happened, she didn’t yet have time to truly mourn Markor’s death, the loss like a bitter taste in the back of her throat now. But now was not the right time either.

With a bit of effort and Eret nudging her beneath the table, she managed to smile back at her father and reassure him that she felt much better than yesterday too. Which was true in its own way. And… she had to admit to herself that lying to her father didn’t bother her as much as it used to. Deep down in her heart, she understood that he hadn’t meant to hurt her. But that didn’t mean that she was yet ready to forgive him or forget about it.

After this small exchange, the breakfast continued uneventful for another couple of minutes, until the door opened again and Snot and his father entered the room.

“Good morning, everyone,” Spite greeted them as they looked up, a tired smile on his face. ”I apologise for the delay; looks like I slept in. Though, after last night, I don’t think you can blame me.” He laughed, followed by consenting chuckling from all around the table.

Astrid, however, frowned. Why was he lying? Her eyes wandered to Snotlout behind his father; his expression was plain, not showing any reaction, not as they walked along the table and not as he took his seat next to her.

Well, maybe Uncle Spite was just being lenient, she mused as she reached for another roll. Whatever he’d scolded Snot for, there probably was no reason to expatiate on that here in front of everyone again.

Her gaze glided over the table, trying to decide what to put on her roll this time, when Snot all of a sudden held out a pot filled with red jam to her.

“Here, I recommend you try this,” he said with a smile that was too smooth for her taste. “It only arrived last week with a merchant. The berries used for this only grow in the higher regions of Westhill and are considered a delicacy.”

Astrid took the pot, even if a little hesitant. The jam smelled delicious, sweet with a slightly tart note in it, and she wasn’t averse to giving it a try. However, what bothered her was the way Snot was again advertising his home – and thus himself – with this recommendation. Was he still trying to flirt with her? She’d thought that, after last night, he’d given up, that she’d made it clear that she wouldn’t choose him. But apparently, she’d been wrong…

The jam was as tasty as it smelled, and with a tense smile, she thanked Snot, but then directly turned toward Eret on her other side, engaging him in some Smalltalk or other. Hopefully, Snot would eventually stop these fruitless advances. Last night, she’d been happy to have him back as simply her brother, but that seemed to have been a little premature.

. o O o .

The tournament that day was a good opportunity to talk to Eret in relative privacy. Though talking about any sensitive topics in her open pavilion still wouldn’t be prudent, and even though Astrid wished she could also invite Dagur and Hiccup, she couldn’t do that without it seeming odd. So instead, she brought up another topic, hoping to get some clarification from Eret. But it seemed as if he was just as bewildered by their brother’s behaviour as she was.

“I don’t really know what’s up with Snot either,” Eret said with a shrug. “He hasn’t really talked to either of us since all this started, and only runs around in a bad mood all the time. He’s not his usual self.”

Astrid nodded, noticing the deep-seated confusion on Eret’s face. Apparently, Snot’s behaviour didn’t make any sense to him either and was possibly even more confusing to him. She knew that the boys had always been a tight group; Snot not talking to anyone these days was just weird.

“I just don’t get it,” she eventually sighed. “I didn’t have the impression that he was in love with me, not like that. There never were any indications, were there?”

Eret shook his head, though hesitantly. “I… don’t think so. But from what I’ve got, he hasn’t flirted with a single woman except for you these past two weeks – which is odd as you have to admit. And even though I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, it almost seems as if he’s serious about wanting to marry you, for… for better reasons than mine or Dagur’s…” He sighed, a sad expression on his face, but then frowned. “Except... that makes even less sense given his past behaviour. I mean, he vehemently refused to spend a night with Cami, and...” he trailed off, frowning at that memory, but then shook his head again. “No, I can’t even guess what’s on his mind lately.”

The thought made Astrid sad somehow. Had Snot, her brother, really harboured some hidden crush on her all these years? The idea felt weird, but given how little experience Astrid had had on that matter before she’d met Hiccup, who was she to tell? But even if… Even if her heart wasn’t bound to Hiccup’s in so many ways, the idea of marrying Snot of all people had never even crossed her mind.

She kept brooding over the thought in silence, comparing Snot’s too-smooth smile this morning with Hiccup’s warm and loving one, until Eret sitting up straighter drew her attention. He was avidly watching the fighting ground below them, making Astrid pay it more attention for once, too. Today, the participants got paired randomly and were supposed to fight two versus two, showing how well they worked with a partner. And now, it apparently was Dagur’s turn. They watched him entering the arena with three other men, watched them pull coloured marbles from a small bag to decide on the pairings, watched the men take their positions.

Next to her, Eret grew visibly tense, and Astrid couldn’t help herself but place a comforting hand on his upper arm. Dagur was a good fighter; surely he would make it out of this unscathed.

And he did. He and his partner fought well, working together to keep each other’s backs clear while the other two just tried to gain their own advantage. The duel was over quickly, Dagur and his partner the undisputed winners of the match.

“Did you really doubt his skills?” Astrid teased Eret as he relaxed again.

Eret snorted. “These fights aren’t just about skill,” he emphasised. “Sure, having it helps, but it’s also a lot about luck. And, in this case especially, about your partner and how well you work together. And no matter how much luck or skill one has, injuries or worse are always a possibility.”

Astrid nodded, grimacing at the point. She’d grown a little numb in this regard over the last two weeks but that reminder had torn off the bandage anew. Eret was right, of course. Injuries and accidents were possible; she’d even seen them happening practically every day during this tournament; one man just this morning had slipped in the mud and gotten run through by his opponent’s sword. Said opponent had been shocked and jumped back from the dying man as if burned. And in the melee the day before yesterday, another man had lost his eye, gashed open by his opponent’s shield. Still others had lost fingers or toes or worse. Fortunately – if such a word could be used to describe such waste – these accidents mainly seemed to happen to men she didn’t care about at all, and who weren’t the most loyal vassals anyway, according to Eret.

“Right, I need to get ready now,” Eret interrupted her musings as he got up from his seat. “It’s supposed to be my turn soon. Wish me luck that I get a sensible partner,” he added with a wink that probably was meant to be reassuring and cheerful.

Astrid grimaced; after his words from only minutes before, this now wasn’t exactly encouraging. But she played along, if only to not make him nervous now. “Oh, don’t you dare get killed on me now, Sir Eret,” she called after him, making him grin before he slipped out of sight and into the tent where Hiccup would be waiting with his gear.

Exhaling deeply, she sat back into her comfortable armchair and watched the current fight with little interest. Oh, how she wished these fights and tournaments and hunts would stop now that she’d supposedly chosen her future husband. She wasn’t going to change her mind, not because of some man or other proving to be an impressive fighter, at least. If only Hiccup could somehow be allowed to participate. It would be a long shot; to make her change of mind believable, he’d have to be outstanding – which, according to his own words, he wasn’t. But it would at least be a possibility.

With a soft shake of her head, she let out a sigh. There had to be a way! Hiccup had yet to tell her what exactly he’d seen in his vision, but if it had been enough to revive his hope, then it was enough for her, too. There was a way, a solution. They just had to find it.

For a little while longer, she pondered and brooded until Eret entered the arena, followed by Hiccup who carried his spare shield and weapon – and also followed by Snot and his squire Gustav!

Astrid felt herself sit up straighter in surprise at that; she hadn’t thought it possible for two of the ducal heirs to end up together in one of these duels. But then, even that decision came by drawing lots, and it had happened before already with Eret and Dagur fighting together in that melee a week ago.

However, she had a bad feeling about this, somehow. If they ended up as opponents, would Eret be able to fight Snot for real? Only last months, she would have laughed about such a coincidence; her brothers were used to sparring with each other, after all. They’d probably knock out the other two fighters and turn it into one of their usual training fights.

But that had been then. Today, Astrid had no idea how Snot would behave. Anxiously, she awaited the drawing of the marbles – and exhaled in relief when it turned out that Snot and Eret would fight together instead of against each other. A little calmer now, she leaned forward, watching as all four men took their places and the referee gave them the go to begin. This was the best option she could’ve hoped for. She didn’t want her brothers to actually fight against each other, especially not with Snot’s weird behaviour lately. But if they stood together to fight, then nothing could go wrong, right?

Except that Snot didn’t stand with Eret.

It only took a couple of seconds before it became clear that Snot had no intentions to work with Eret in this. He charged forward at his opponent, leaving Eret to fend on his own against his. She could even hear Eret’s curse as he realised what had happened, saw the surprise and then the anger on his face, even through his helmet’s visor. Yes, fights like these didn’t only depend on skill, but also on luck and on your partner. And at least in that last regard, Eret had just lost.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid!” Astrid hissed under her breath, her eyes never leaving the fighting men below her. Anxiously, her hands clenched at her skirts, her whole body moving along with every one of Eret’s parries, dodges, and strikes. Damn it, this wasn’t the first time she had to watch him fight, and so far, he had yet to be beaten by anyone. Why was she so nervous now? But even though Snot’s stupidity gave the match a bad taste, Eret seemed to stand his ground just as well as usual – in the beginning, at least.

Astrid only saw it from the corner of her eye, her focus on Eret. But from one moment to the other, Snot was on the ground. He wasn’t bleeding, wasn’t even unconscious. But he’d lost his weapon, and judging by the uncoordinated way he tried to get back on his feet, his head must have been hit pretty hard. His opponent didn’t waste any time. He kicked Snot into the side, sending him back to the ground, then charged to where Eret and the other man were still fighting. Before anyone truly realised what had happened, he attacked Eret’s unguarded back. Astrid yelled out a warning, but it came too late, was only enough for Eret to turn but not enough for him to fully evade the blow.

Astrid’s scream of denial was drowned out in the general uproar that ran through the crowd as blood splattered the ground. It all happened incredibly fast. Eret whirled at her shout and saw the man coming up at him. He parried, desperately, and the man’s sword, which would have buried itself in his back, cut across his chest instead. Astrid saw his chainmail part under the blow.

But Eret’s parry was a masterstroke. Operating on what had to be reflex, his blade sliced open the other man’s arm down to the red-stained bone from his wrist to his elbow.

Gasping, Eret stood, his blade at the ready, even as his shirt and mail were stained with his own blood, and watched his other opponent warily. The man that had attacked him was bleeding profusely and had dropped his sword.

Dimly, Astrid became aware of the referee’s horn blowing, and he and his men, members of the King’s Guard, waded in to separate the fighters, as they always did when the tournament turned bloody, followed by Hiccup and Dagur. They carried Eret off to the healer’s tent, his arms slung over their shoulders, Eret’s opponent getting similar treatment from the guards, as the judges conferred on the scoring.

As order was restored, she was, at first, stunned and shocked. This shouldn’t have happened! Eret had said it so often, had been so sure that his rank as ducal heir would keep him safe from such an open attack. But the risk had come from ‘accidents and injuries happened.’ And not even men of high rank were safe from those.

And that hadn’t been an accident, anyway.

With her head spinning, she got up on shaky legs, her arms reaching out for something to stabilise her as she stumbled away from her chair. She had to get to Eret, had to know that he was okay. This was her fault; by singling him out, she’d painted a target on his back. A target the man he’d fought – some firstborn son of a count from Westhill, she vaguely recalled – had tried to score on.

“I have to get to the healer’s tent,” she muttered as Tuff tried to bar her from leaving her pavilion.

He didn’t seem happy about that idea. “Milady, I don’t think–”

But she cut him off directly with a determined gesture of her hand. She could imagine all the reasons he might come up with for why that wasn’t a good idea. This tournament was for her, and she should stay here and watch. A healer’s workspace could be an ugly place with blood everywhere – not the right surroundings for a lady. And since the patient was her public betrothed-to-be, she would do good at staying away when he very likely got stripped to get treated – for both propriety’s sake and to keep that target from getting bigger.

But none of that mattered.

“Get me to Eret!” she ordered, and there had to have been something in her voice or her expression that kept Tuff from objecting further. It also kept any guards and servants from blocking her way, even made the men outside the healer’s tent step aside as she approached with sure strides.

“How bad is it?” she blurted out as soon as she entered the tent, even before she could take in anything else. Offhandedly, she registered the scene in front of her; Eret was lying on a bench in the middle of the room, naked from the waist upwards and groaning in pain, with Fishlegs examining the gash on his upper chest and Hiccup hurrying about, his arms laden with healing supplies – while Dagur was sitting on Eret’s other side, holding his hand and murmuring encouragements.

Right… Fishlegs might not officially know about Eret’s and Dagur’s feelings for each other, but thanks to Heather they certainly weren’t a secret to him either. At least in this regard, they wouldn’t have to keep up appearances around him.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” Fishlegs commented absentmindedly, still entirely concentrated on his work at hand as he reached for a piece of cloth to clean the wound. “It’s a deep cut, but luckily nothing but a flesh wound. The ribs beneath are unharmed and no sinews or major blood vessels were hit, either. It’ll scar, but he’ll live, barring infection."

The words were reassuring and part of her former tension floated out of her. She stepped a little closer, her eyes trying to examine the wound herself. But even though she understood the meaning of Fishlegs’ explanations, all of his lessons had only been theoretical so far, and all she saw was a gaping wound and too much blood. She thought about sitting down at his side as well to lend him support and comfort, but quickly decided against it. Dagur was doing a great job there already, clearly enough.

So there was little she could do but watch in silence as Fishlegs cleaned the wound, flinching every time Eret grunted or groaned in pain. A part of her, the part that she’d tried to ignore during the past two weeks and that now was stronger than ever, was acutely aware of Hiccup’s presence, of him standing only a few steps away now that Fishlegs had everything he needed to treat his patient. But this wasn’t really the moment to seek his closeness, not while Fishlegs could notice and not when all she could worry about was Eret and his wound.

The only warning then was Fishlegs throwing a quick telling glance up at Dagur before he applied a good amount of willow bark tincture onto the wound. Before, Eret had been able to stay relatively quiet despite the pain he had to be in, but with the sting and burn of the tincture, he couldn't do so any longer.

"Oh, fuck!" he cursed, his entire body going rigid, trembling with the effort to at least hold still.

Astrid whimpered, her hands clenching at her skirts. "I'm so sorry!" she whined once Eret’s shouting had calmed down to laboured panting only. "This is my fault. If I hadn't chosen you, hadn’t put that target on–"

"Nonsense," Eret interrupted her through gritted teeth. “Accidents happen in tournaments.”

“Bullshit,” she spat. “I know that, but that's not what I'm talking about. This man, he was trying to kill you. I saw him! He went straight for you after he knocked Snot down.”

“Given that I was fighting his partner, of course he did! He’d already taken Snot out, as you said–”

“Eret, you didn’t see him, he was going to stab you in the back!”

Eret scowled. “Maybe. And thanks for the warning, by the way. But it could have just been the heat of the moment, with his blood up. It wasn’t necessarily about you.”

She scowled and crossed her arms. “Uh-huh. Complete coincidence that the man publically favoured as the Princess’ betrothed-to-be almost comes down with a bad case of ‘sword in the back’? Pull the other one, it’s got bells on it.”

“He is right in one thing, though,” Fishlegs threw in, and she turned to glare at him. He met her gaze with equanimity. "It could have just been the heat of the fight," he continued, rummaging about with his tools. "I've certainly seen worse wounds lately, without such a possible motivation. It’s pure luck that neither of you got injured before, if you ask me."

"That’s true. Or if that’s not good enough for you, Swanja: it also could have been purely politically motivated," Eret added, grimacing as Fishlegs probed his chest. "Could you be a little more gentle there, my good healer?”

“I’ll go get my feather-needles,” Fishlegs deadpanned, and Eret snorted.

“Just keep the red stuff on the inside,” he joked, and Astrid rolled her eyes.

Dagur smirked. “This is an excellent opportunity to prove something I’ve been wondering for a while, actually.”

“What’s that?” Astrid asked. She threw Dagur a quick glance, and saw that he was feeling just like she did: not in the mood for joking at all, but playing along for Eret’s sake.

“Well, we know his granddad doesn’t have a heart, and his dad has pragmatism instead of blood, so...”

“I think I can say that I have both,” Eret grunted, and looked back to Astrid. “Look, it might have just been someone stupid enough to think that taking out a ducal heir would gain him some recognition. Instead, he'll probably get excluded from the tournaments, maybe even punished further.”

Fishlegs, threading a needle with a focused look, said, “No need for that.”

“What do you mean?” Eret asked.

“I saw his arm when he was carried in,” Fishlegs said. “Why do you think the junior healer is attending to you, Sir Eret, ducal heir of a grand duchy, and not the senior healer? t’s near-certain that the man who attacked you will lose the arm, and also possibly his life if the bleeding can’t be brought under control,” Fishlegs said grimly.

Silence reigned for a moment, and Astrid wasn’t sure how to feel about this. Another unnecessary death, one that also might or might not be her fault… but it certainly wasn’t hitting an innocent man!

Then Eret coughed, thankfully breaking the silence. “Either way, the only one to blame for me getting hurt is that man, and probably myself – but definitely not you, Swanja. I should have paid better attention to the entire fight and not just my opponent."

"Or, if you want to put the blame on somebody else," Dagur growled, "then my suggestion would be Snot. What was that idiot thinking? It's not as if he doesn't know how duels like these work. Thor, we've done play fights like this with Daniel ever since we were able to hold sticks. There's literally no sane reason for why he fought on his own like that. Gods, I want to head over and punch him in the face for this idiocy!" At that, everyone just grunted in agreement.

Biting her lip, Astrid didn't object any further; she knew that they would only come up with more reassurances anyway. But that sense of guilt still lingered.

When Fishlegs was done with his preparations, he handed Eret a sturdy piece of leather with bite marks on it already, and when she spotted him holding a needle and a thread covered in more willow bark tincture in his hand, she realised what would come next. Her anxiety grew as she saw Eret bracing himself against the pain, clutching more firmly at Dagur’s hand, and she tensed as well.

“I’m so sorry,” she repeated, urgently, half expecting to get told off again. But with the leather already between his teeth, Eret couldn’t say anything, only rolled his eyes and threw a strange nod in her general direction. Astrid didn’t know what to make of it, but as soon as Fishlegs had turned all his attention to Eret’s wound again, she understood that the gesture hadn’t been meant for her at all.

She jumped as a pair of arms wound around her shoulders and waist and pulled her to the back of the tent, though not out of direct fear as she recognised them as Hiccup’s right away. No, it was the fear of how Fishlegs would react as Hiccup pulled her into his arms and against his chest that made her want to draw back at first. But, of course, Fishlegs was too absorbed by his work to notice anything else right now and he had his back toward them anyway, so she gave in.

Hiccup held her tightly, turning her so she couldn’t watch and murmuring reassurances into her ear to drown out Eret’s noises of pain. They all knew that it was necessary to suture the gash, but that didn’t make it any easier – for anyone. No, all she could do was try to not make it harder for Eret by showing how much his pain affected her too.

Instead, she pressed harder into Hiccup’s embrace, clinging to his formal squire outfit, and let his presence soothe her. A small voice inside her head was scolding her for this, for seeking Hiccup’s comfort when Eret was suffering because of her, of them. But she vehemently pushed it aside; Eret’s pain certainly wasn’t Hiccup’s fault. The target on Eret’s back was there, regardless of whether her choosing him was real or not.

She fought to calm herself, but no matter how sensible all their reasoning before had sounded, she couldn’t shake off the feeling that Eret getting wounded today was her fault, and hers alone. It didn’t matter whether one wanted to put the blame on Snot or Eret's attacker; in both cases, the reason behind it certainly was Astrid’s choice. She didn’t believe in an otherwise politically motivated attack, not with this impeccable timing.

Thuggory had even warned her that something would happen to her chosen if she didn’t choose him. Was it possible that he somehow was behind this? Eret had been lucky in that the attack had only caused such a relatively light wound, but so easily it could have been a lethal blow. And obviously, his high rank wouldn’t have saved him either.

She didn’t get the chance to further ponder on this, though. Hiccup did his best to distract her from such gloomy thoughts. Despite her worries over Eret’s well-being and flinching at every muffled noise of pain, she eventually gave in to Hiccup’s efforts. She made herself focus on every single one of his light touches and even enjoyed the way he caressed her and covered her face and hair with soft soothing kisses. It wasn’t enough to forget what was happening behind her or why – but it felt good nonetheless.

She wasn’t sure for how long she stood like this, closely encased in Hiccup’s arms and with his lips on her ear murmuring sweet nothings, with Fishlegs patching up the wound with moss and a tight bandage, with Dagur and Eret engaging him in a conversation to keep him from paying much attention to his surroundings, and with Tuff conveniently standing in the way should Fishlegs turn around anyway. It could have been only minutes or maybe it was over an hour. She knew that she was pushing her luck by refusing to step away, but she just felt as if she needed Hiccup’s closeness to cope. Last night and this morning had been good, but it had been far from enough to fully chase away the anxiousness and the pain of their separation before. It might have been her worries for Eret that had made her come here, but now that she knew he would be okay – and already was fairly okay with Dagur comforting him – she couldn’t help but give in and bask in Hiccup’s warmth. Their love was like a shield to ward off all the pain and misery around them, impenetrable and keeping them safe no matter what.

But she really shouldn’t have pushed her luck.

She didn’t even notice as the entrance of the tent flapped open and someone came in. In fact, nobody seemed to notice at first, the men caught up in their conversation, until a loud exclamation and the noise of a plate breaking on the floor drew all their attention.

“No!”

With a spark of her old panic, Astrid whirled around and away from Hiccup, just as everyone else turned toward the newcomer as well. Tuff even made a hasty step to the side to stand between her and Hiccup and the entrance, but it was too late.

Heather had seen enough to understand and, judging by the anger on her face, didn’t like what she saw. Before anyone could react, she stormed through the tent and grabbed Astrid by her arm. “Don’t you dare,” she shrieked, apparently not caring for her rank in the slightest as she pulled her away from Hiccup’s side with enough force that it hurt. “Don’t you dare ruin this.”

Astrid could do little but stumble along, bewildered when she spotted tears forming in Heather’s eyes, accusation and a kind of pain on her face that made her tremble. But before she could even try to make any rhyme or reason of her behaviour, Heather let go of her arm, nearly causing her to fall if Tuff hadn’t caught her, and turned toward Hiccup instead.

“And you,” she continued without pause, making a baffled Hiccup take a step backwards at her approach. “Stay away from the Princess. I don’t care how impressive your seduction skills might be; she’s not for you! Do you hear me? Get lost, there’s nothing to gain here for you except the noose!”

At that, Astrid froze, eyes wide in panic. No! No, Heather couldn’t tell anyone, couldn’t get Hiccup punished, not now. She couldn’t! She wanted to interrupt Heather’s tirade, wanted to order her to be quiet, to make her understand. She wasn’t sure why Heather was reacting that strongly or what it was exactly she could do to keep her from running directly to her father, but she just had to do something. However, before she could make any attempt at getting her body to react as it was supposed to, Dagur beat her to it.

“Heather, what–” he tried to interfere, to distract or even to calm his half-sister. But all it gained him was her turning on him and Eret next. Her angry expression grew even more intense as she stomped through the tent until she loomed over them, ignoring her brother and glaring down at Eret instead.

“I can’t believe it,” she hissed. “I know it’s all just an act, but still. Setting your squire up to seduce your bride, using him as some kind of bait or toyboy for her to fool around with, and all just because you’re not interested and don’t want to face reality – you should be ashamed of yourself!”

“Heather, calm down,” Dagur interrupted her again, more firmly this time. “That’s not what this is about at all. Listen, I–”

But he got no chance to explain further.

From one second to the other, Heather became eerily quiet, and even though Astrid couldn’t see her face, it had to be quite intimidating as not only Dagur but also Eret and even Fishlegs clamped their mouths shut as she turned toward him.

“Don’t you dare!” she spat. She was shaking now with livid rage. “Don’t you dare tell me to calm down or that this is not what it looks like. I know exactly what this is about. It’s about you being a selfish ass, about to ruin my life without even batting an eye. Or can you look me in the eye and swear on all that’s sacred to you that this is not about you all pretending for Astrid and Eret to get married, when in truth, you’re only looking for a way to circumvent your responsibilities.”

A stunned silence spread through the tent. Dagur had his mouth open to protest, but couldn’t get a single word out. And Astrid couldn’t even blame him. Heather had nailed it – even though in a completely different way than she thought. His eyes darted from Heather to Eret then to her and Hiccup and back to Heather before he closed his mouth again

“That’s what I thought,” she said bitterly. “But if you think I’m just going to stand and watch then you’re wrong.”

She turned and was about to leave when Dagur caught himself again. “No, wait!” he exclaimed, reaching out and catching her by the arm. She fought against his hold, but he wouldn’t budge, even pulled her back until he had his arms around her.

“Let me go,” she wailed. She was still fighting her brother, but without any true force anymore. Instead, she looked as if she was about to burst out into tears at any moment.

“Not until you tell me what all this is about,” he grunted. “What do you mean by ‘ruining your life’? I’d never do something to harm you, don’t you know that?” Still holding her tight, Dagur turned her around in his arms as Heather seemed to deflate until her head leaned against his chest and her tears were soaking his tunic.

After all of these years married, Astrid guessed that Fishlegs knew by now that it was better for him to keep out of any arguments between the siblings. But even as he’d clearly wanted to support his wife just now, still being busy with Eret’s wound had kept him from interfering – until now. “It’s… because of your father,” he threw in, cautiously. “And the succession.”

Astrid was on edge, watching the scene in front of her intently. Dagur seemed to have Heather under control for now and he certainly was the best one suited here to talk sense into her anyway – but that didn’t mean that Astrid would let her ruin everything. She was tense, trembling even, and ready to jump in should Heather make another attempt to run away.

So, at first, she didn’t quite appreciate Hiccup approaching her again, much less wrapping one arm around her waist from where he stood half behind her and half to her side. Didn’t he understand how much was at stake right not? But when she turned to look at him, to make him understand why she had to interfere, he shook his head.

“Let Dagur handle this,” he whispered with a strange expression in his eyes. “If it’s about their father, you can’t do anything here.”

She wanted to argue – but after only one heartbeat, she closed her mouth again and nodded. He was right; if this was in some way about House Berserker and their family, then they had to clear this up themselves.

Still ready to interfere if needed, she let Hiccup pull her closer to him. It wasn’t an obvious gesture that would draw Heather’s attention again, but still soothing enough, and only now did Astrid realise how much she’d been shaking. And despite the disturbing scene in front of them, she couldn’t help but lean even more into him, seeking his closeness as she tried to make sense.

What was all this about? House Berserker’s line of succession? How was there any room for arguments? Dagur was the sole heir and that was it. Wasn’t it? Astrid was relieved that Heather didn’t seem to care about her and Hiccup directly, but that only eased the situation so much.

Dagur seemed equally puzzled though. “What?” he asked, bewildered, and kept glancing from Fishlegs to Heather and back again. “What’s that supposed to mean? What has Father to do with any of this?”

Heather scoffed, her eyes growing hooded and angry. "You don’t get it, do you?” She pushed herself away from him again, and this time he let her as it was clear that she wasn’t about to run away again. Not yet at least. “If you know how and where to listen, the rumours are clear enough. Even I have heard about you moaning into a cup of ale by now, about how you’d rather get a clean death on the battlefield then die slowly of a broken heart married to someone you don’t love.” She laughed bitterly. “So, of course, Father heard about that too, that you’re considering taking the warrior way out. He even came up with an emergency plan already, a loophole. And a while ago, he came to our home to tell me about it.” She made a subconscious step toward Fishlegs, one arm wrapped tightly around herself. “If you died or,” she glanced at Eret, “did something else that would keep you from inheriting, then my child will be on hook to take your place.”

Astrid’s eyes widened in disbelief, and judging by the silence that followed her words, she wasn’t the only one who felt that way.

“Y-your child?” Dagur eventually inquired, puzzled. “But that doesn’t make any sense. If you or any other of our sibling could inherit then there wouldn’t be a problem at all. Aren alone would make for an excellent leader in my stead,” he went on, referring to their younger brother who’d joined the Order of Odin, if Astrid remembered correctly.

Heather sobbed, even though she still sounded angry. “Yeah, we can’t inherit. We might be his acknowledged children, but the Law says that any child born out of wedlock or by an Ástir cannot inherit, or be a part of a noble House,” she spat bitterly.

Dagur shook his head, confused. “But… you’ve known that, and you’ve even told me that you’re happy about that. Haven’t you said – more than once if I recall – that you’re even glad not to be noble, with all those puffed-up lords and ladies in Southshore?”

“Aye. And that’s still true,” Heather huffed. “But think it through, brother. Children born out of wedlock or by an Ástir can’t inherit.”

Dagur nodded hesitantly, obviously trying to find what the loophole was. Then Astrid had to muffle a gasp when it hit her.

“Yes, the Princess got it,” Heather said sourly. “My child wouldn’t be the child of an Ástir.”

“Just a former one,” Astrid said numbly.

“And born in wedlock and an undisputed descendant of our father... apparently that’s good enough,” Heather confirmed in a bleak voice before it grew thick with tears. “He said he’d only... only take them if you were to die on the battlefield before you produced an heir, but…” again, her eyes flickered to Eret, “but we both know that’s not the main problem. You don’t want to marry, ever, so it’s inevitable. He’ll take my baby away from me! Justin and I wouldn’t even be allowed to come too; he’d just take them away and raise them as his own. And all just because you are too selfish to stand up to your responsibilities!”

Her voice had become thinner with every word, and for another heartbeat or three, all that could be heard was her sobbing before Dagur apparently caught himself again. “I didn’t know that,” he muttered, a troubled grimace on his face. Then he shook his head. “It’s true that I said something like that once, but… but I didn’t mean it!” Heather just stared at him with teary eyes, and he started to babble. “Odin! I’d never actively try to kill myself, no matter what. And even though I’m not exactly looking forward to a political marriage, I know about my responsibilities. But with knowing this, I have even more reason to stand up to them. I-I will take my place and prove to Father that he doesn’t need to bother you with this. Believe me, Heather, I won’t let anyone take your child away should you ever have one; not even our father!”

Another sob tore itself from her throat, louder and more urgent. Fishlegs, who’d just finished patching Eret up and had cleaned his hands, finally stood up, and Heather accepted his embrace gladly. She muttered something that sounded like “But that’ll be too late,” though Astrid wasn’t quite sure whether she’d understood it right. Dagur seemed equally confused, but before he could react, Eret preempted him.

“You’re already pregnant, aren’t you?” he said quietly. His skin was still covered in cold sweat from before, but despite the slightly dazed expression on his face, there was a clarity in his eyes that left no room for doubts. And it made sense, Astrid realised. The way Heather had begged her to marry Dagur or Eret, to separate them so that they would focus on their duties as heir instead. But also how she’d been overly tired, how she would wrap her arm around her midst in something of a protective gesture, how Fishlegs would jump up and prepare a cup of tea for her whenever he thought she needed one, and even the fact that he hadn’t needed that box of moss meant to deal with moonblood anymore – it all made sense now.

Weakly, Heather nodded. “Five months now,” she breathed. “We didn’t even plan for it to happen, knew how risky it was ever since he visited us. But when it did happen… we were so happy.” She leaned closer against Fishlegs, snuggling into his embrace in a way Astrid could emphasise all too well. “We were worried how Father would react if he learned about it, but when Astrid’s wedding was announced… I thought that was a sign from my Goddess herself, a reassurance that I wouldn’t need to be afraid anymore. That everything would be fine, that I would get to keep my child. But now…” She broke off again as fresh tears welled up in her eyes.

With a heavy sigh, Dagur stepped closer to them, his hand reaching for that of his sister. “I’m truly sorry, Heather. I didn’t know any of that. But… but I promise you don’t need to be afraid, okay? You’re my sister and I’d do everything for you. I meant what I said and I gladly repeat it again for you. I vow, by the life of the woman who raised us both and who we both love dearly, that I won’t let anyone take your child away from you!”

A faint smile crossed Heather’s face but didn’t reach her eyes. “I’d like to believe you,” she whispered, and then glanced at Eret on his bench. “And yet, here you are, still holding on to your impossible feelings for each other and even luring Astrid into your charade to cover for you. All just to stave off the only option that won’t end in even more people getting hurt. It’s only a few months now, why-why can’t you just accept it?”

Dagur opened his mouth to reply but closed it again right away. And what was he supposed to say anyway? Astrid vividly remembered Dagur placing his weapon to Eret’s feet during the tournament a week ago, remembered the short conversation they’d had afterwards. Eret and Dagur already had accepted their fate, long ago. Their love wasn’t what Heather needed to be concerned about...

“But he’s right,” she interjected on Dagur’s behalf, drawing everyone’s attention. Maybe it would be better to let Heather believe what she’d just said… but she owed it to Eret and Dagur to set this right. “What you saw… that wasn’t about Dagur and Eret at all. It… it’s my fault. It’s me who…” She trailed off again, unsure what she even wanted to say. It was her fault that everything was so complicated – because she couldn’t bear the thought of a life other than at Hiccup’s side.

Trying to make a point, she blindly reached for his hand on her shoulder, weaving her fingers through his as she held Heather’s gaze. She wanted her to understand. That she loved Hiccup, that he was more than just a distraction, her end of a deal. He was her soulmate. They loved each other, couldn’t live without each other. This had nothing to do with Eret or Dagur or her or anyone else.

And really, there was understanding in Heather’s eyes – but not the slightest hint of compassion. Mutely, she wound herself out of her husband’s arms, crouched down to pick up the shards of the plate she’d dropped earlier, and then turned to leave.

“Wait!” Dagur quickly caught her by the arm again, not with as much force as before but still enough to make her pause. “What are you going to do now? Will you… tell anyone?”

Oh, please not! Astrid prayed inwardly. If Heather told anyone… No, that couldn’t be happening. They had to stop her, somehow, just–

But Heather shook her head. “No,” she said in a bleak voice. “No, I won’t spill your secrets. I… I trust in your integrity, Dagur, that I can rely on your promise. But just to make this clear: if I ever have to choose between my hard-earned happiness and my loyalty to you nobles who wouldn’t stand up to your responsibilities… then I know my choice already.” She gave them all a last hard glare, then pulled her arm out of Dagur’s hold and left the tent. And even though Astrid wanted to be angry at her for this clear show of defiance... some deeply buried part of her couldn’t even blame her.

Responsibilities…

Yes, they all had a lot of them. Their lives came with many privileges compared to those of lower birth, and even though it wasn’t always easy, it certainly was simpler than that of many others. But this life came with a price, with responsibilities they all had to the people. They had to keep up stability and peace, had to follow the rules…

Needing his support, she turned to look at Hiccup again. She hoped to find comfort in his eyes, the reassurance that their love would endure every storm. As long as they had each other, nothing could go wrong, their love shielding them from everything.

But instead of that reassurance and comfort, all she could find in his eyes were desperation and pain.

He didn’t give her the chance to drown in those emotions, though. Instead, he pulled her into a tight embrace, his panted breaths heaving against her neck – but Astrid had seen enough, understood.

What had just happened with Heather… it didn’t affect her and Hiccup, not directly at least. Marrying Dagur had never really been an option and she fully trusted in his integrity anyway, so her and Hiccup looking for a way to be together didn’t make a difference there.

But that wasn’t the point anyway.

Their last resort… it wasn’t something they could do for real, she understood that now. Hiccup’s reluctance and Eret’s warning from last night, it all made sense to her now. No matter how strong her love for Hiccup was, it wasn’t worth everything. Even though she might want to, she couldn’t just run away from her responsibilities, not when that meant putting others in harm’s way.

And Eret had been right. Eloping just like that would not just be risky and most likely not work; it would also cause some serious political consequences, for House Jag’r but also for the Crown in general. Maybe things were different, maybe nobody would suffer from her actions as directly as Heather might suffer if Dagur wouldn’t be able to keep his promise. But that didn’t mean that she could take that risk lightly. There would be accusations and possibly even actions against Eret and his House, and people would lose their trust in House Hofferson too, in her Father and in Daniel. No, those weren’t things she could risk. Their love might be like a shield, but that didn’t mean she could hide behind it and ignore everything else.

With a low whimper, she pressed herself closer to Hiccup’s chest, felt how his arms around her tightened. A future without him wasn’t an option, but how could they reach it, that vision of their simple home?

More of Eret’s words from last night crossed her mind, about how there might be ways to prepare their disappearance. So far, she hadn’t let herself think about that too much, but now… How could they prepare her running away with Hiccup without it causing such a political uproar?

The answer was as simple as it was impossible. The only way for her to escape her golden cage was the same Dagur had apparently also already thought about. She’d have to die – except not for real, of course. Because in opposition to Dagur, her death wouldn’t harm anyone. She’d only have to fake it convincingly enough so that nobody would have any doubts.

Something like a hysterical laugh escaped her, one that directly changed into quiet sobbing. How were they supposed to pull that off? How could she make people believe that she was dead without a body? Because killing someone else who vaguely resembled her and mutilate their body to hide the differences was out of the question.

No, this wasn’t a sensible option either. She’d probably ponder more on this, but…

She pulled back, catching Hiccup’s wondering gaze for a heartbeat before she stretched to press her lips to his. He caught up to her mood without a pause, hurling her as close as was physically possible and kissing her with the same desperation she felt, too.

There had to be a solution! There had to be a way to make her choosing Hiccup as her husband possible. There still would be people who’d complain, but as long as he was legally eligible that wouldn’t matter.

They just had to find it…

. o O o .

So, erm... that was that. I honestly never thought the day would come where I shed even one tear for Heather... But writing this chapter certainly made me do so a lot!

#FTLOAP #For The Love Of A Princess #Hiccstrid #Hiccstrid fanfiction #fanfiction #httyd #httyd fanfiction #medieval au #Hiccstrid Medieval AU #royalty au #hiccstrid royal au #angst #fluff #hurt/comfort #httyd romance

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storytime-hoe · 5 years

Text

Tough Love Ch.14

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x O/C

Summary: Story picks up during season three as the group goes into Woodbury to rescue Glenn and Maggie from the Governor. However, they pick up another prisoner of Woodbury, Emma (O/C). She is a thief who fears friendships after her hard losses. She stays on the move, studying communities from afar and then robbing them blind. She has stayed alive this way for a while until the Governor catches her in the act. Now she finds herself with the group from the prison in a mission to kill the Governor for what he has done to her. She plans on stealing supplies from the prison group after the Governor is killed, but she might be growing a little too close to the groups members, especially one man in particular: Daryl Dixon.

Warnings: Slow burn, language, usual twd violence, mentions of abuse/rape

Authors Note: So I just decided to add that first part last minute and this is super long now but oh well at least it’s something. I also did not even spell check the first part so sorry but I don’t have time and I do not want to keep people waiting since I promised I would be on track from now on.

Previously: Ch.1 Ch.2 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch.5 Ch.6 Ch.7 Ch.8 Ch.9 Ch.10 Ch.11 Ch.12 Ch.13

Returning from the run in a car with Sasha and Glenn made me anxious. I looked ahead for Daryl’s motorcycle every ten seconds, just to make sure that he was still with us.

I was shaken to the core after the scare he had given me. I knew he could tell something was off with me the entire time he was struggling to save me. Thankfully, however, after I got off of his damn bike, he was much more gentler with me. There was no more giving me shit about how I did things like he had done the rest of the trip. I think maybe his anger about me running off on my own the day before had finally worn away. Or for the most part at least.

He didn’t say much else to me as we jumped back on our vehicles and made way fro the prison before it got dark. We had planned on bringing home much more than we had, but we still all had our backpacks stuffed with food items and supplies. And we were all alive still, so that was a plus.

As I stumbled into my cell room, pulling the thin drape that was the door closed behind me, I couldn’t help the shaking in my hands which was growing worse with every breath I took.

Daryl was all I could think of. He filled every inch of my mind. It was like I needed to make sure he was okay all the fucking time now. Like when I did try to lay down and get some sleep, I stirred with images of him being ripped apart by the dead the same way that my little brother had been. It was haunting me.

I had just about had enough as I jumped from my bed in a fury, the sweat that coated me made my clothes stick to my skin. I had to do something or else I was going to drive my head into a fucking wall.

I needed to see him.

I needed to make sure he was still breathing just one more time tonight, then I could go to sleep. Yeah, that was it. If I could stroll by his cell and peer in and see him all fine in his bed, then everything would be good. I would rest well knowing he was safe. Right?

I calmed my racing heart slightly and threw open the drape in the doorway with a violent swish. But I froze in place at who faced me.

Daryl was staring at me wide-eyed with a shocked look on his face. What the hell was he doing here? I was supposed to be the one coming after him. Actually, I liked this much better.

Daryl regained composure before I did, rubbing a hand down his face and preparing himself to explain why he was lurking in front of my room.

“Sorry,” he grumbled, not meeting my eyes. “I- I was just checking on ya. Ya seemed pretty out of it after- ya know...”

He trailed off, the tips of his ears turning an adorable shade of pink.

I blinked a few times, struggling to find my voice at first. My mind was still trying to comprehend that he was checking up on me. Me, the girl who he talks shit about all the fucking time.

“I- yeah- I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine? Done this shit a million times.”

And it was all true. I had run into herds and had more close calls and run ins with death than I could count. But then again, I didn’t almost lose someone I though so strongly about back then. This was different than anything I’d ever gone through. And of course Daryl knew that. He seemed to always know fucking everything about me. What a prick.

He chewed on the skin by his thumb at my response. “Sorry ta bother ya then.” He started to take hesitant steps away from my door and back towards his own room. “Jus worried ‘bout ya I guess.”

I swallowed thickly and eyed him. He looked so fucking cute standing there all bashful. He was trying to show a nice gesture, something I could have been jumping at after the way he had been treating me, but I couldn’t get my big fat fucking ego to calm the fuck down.

“Well,” I said, hating the dullness in my voice. “Don’t.”

Usually, Daryl keeps a neutral look on his face, so I can never read what the fuck he is thinking, but this time I saw a flicker of something. A flicker of hurt. Hurt that I was causing again.

He nodded once and went away, leaving me standing in my room alone. Alone was never a good thing for me at a time like this.

What the actual fuck was wrong with me? I had just admitted to myself that I had feelings for the son of a bitch and here I was pushing him as far away from me as possible, and when he was trying to be there for me too. I was shutting down. I almost lost him and the fear of being hurt at losing someone like him was making me do things I would regret. I wish to God I could just drop the tough guy act and fucking behave like a normal human being in these types of situations. No, normal wasn’t a thing anymore.

The tremor in my hands was back as I closed the drape once more. I couldn’t do this. I had to fucking stop acting like I was strong enough to take on the world. Because I sure as hell am not. I am not and never will be. So what was I supposed to do if I couldn’t be strong for myself?

I’ll tell you what, right all I fucking needed was Daryl God damn Dixon.

I ran out of my room again down a few rooms until I was staring at the closed duration of Daryl’s room. I knew he was in there; Rick wouldn’t let him keep watch after coming back from a run like that, even if he wasn’t happy about being forced to sleep, he would obey Rick.

My heart was in my throat as I looked straight ahead to the curtain. Just do it. Open the door and talk to him. Talk about what? What was I supposed to say to him? I would probably start crying when I saw his face, especially if it had that hurt look on it still. Oh fuck, this was a bad idea. But all my ideas are bad ideas.

I held my breath as I yanked back the curtain and stumbled into his room.

He was already laying down on the bunk, staring blankly into the air above him with his hands under his head.

When I barged in he sat up not an elbow, scanning me up and down with wild eyes. He probably thought there was an emergency, that someone was hurt and that Rick and the others needed him. But when his eyes finally fucking rested on mine, his expression softness and it made me melt. He understood. I didn’t have to fucking say anything for him to see that i was crumbling to pieces after that run. But Daryl would never judge me for that, I don’t know how I could have though he would before. He was someone I could let my walls down with and vice versa. He was always fucking there for me, no matter how I treated him or how we fought. We would come back to each other in the end. Always.

We just stared for a minute, my chest tight and heaving with the pressure of emotion weighing me down.

“C’mere,” was all he said with a small nod of his head. He knew I couldn’t be alone tonight. I needed to be right next to him to make sure he was real and alive and that nothing would happen to him.

His simple mumble was all it fucking took for me to unglue myself from the floor and crawl up next to him in the bed. I laid down on the very fucking edge of the bed, not letting myself touch him. We were both tense beyond belief for a solid minute or two, but when he let his arm fall over my stomach, I felt us both relax more with each breath, and I eventually pressed up against his chest, my hand over his beating heart.

I wanted to say something to him, to tell him how it made me shit myself to think about him being out of my life forever, and that if he did die on that run that I would’ve lost my fucking mind. I opened my mouth to speak a few times, but I always chickened out. I didn’t know how to tell him how much he actually meant to me, and of course there was that fear that he would take it wrong and reject me.

So, I kept my mouth fucking closed for once in my life and let him hold me that night. I let myself feel peaceful in his arms. But that was not exactly where I woke up.

When I did open my eyes again I had forgotten that I was sharing a bed with Daryl. That was until I became aware of the added weight on top of me. Daryl’s head was on my chest and shoulder, his face turned away from me into my hair. His arm was strewn across my body with his leg tangle around mine.

I smiled to myself, thinking back to the night we had stayed outside together after my panic attack. I had woken up all onto of him, but now our positions were switched. I decided to tangle my hand in his hair, enjoying how it felt woven around my fingers. Hey, if he was allowed to lay on me like this, then he couldn’t give me shit for wanting to feel his hair.

After a few more quiet snores from Daryl I pushed myself out from under him. He stirred and woke up, but I was out of his room before he could say anything to me.

I got dressed in a hurry and went out of the gate to start my morning search. Yes, alone. Rick had said I could do whatever the fuck I wanted, and even if I was starting out the journey by myself, I had a strong feeling that someone would be following me out. And another strong feeling that that someone would be Daryl. Because everyone knew we couldn't leave each other alone anymore.

But, I started the day not thinking about anything but the Governor. I needed to find him and make sure he was dead. He ruined me, made me feel things I could ever recover from. I wasn't about to let him do that to anyone else.

Even if a trip like this in the early mornings was useless, it made me feel better. It was a chance to get back out in the world. It was a chance for me to kill as many Walkers as I wanted and be as dirty and careless and wild as I pleased with no judgment.

It wasn't until I was about an hour out that I got the feeling that I wasn't alone; Daryl sure took his time following me out. I didn't have time to act on that hunch, however, before I was grabbed from behind. A Walker had ahold of my hair, trying his best to sink his teeth into me. I sliced through him with a machete just before turning to cut down his friend.

Before I knew it, there were dozens of them coming at me from all directions. I really thought that if it was Daryl that was following me, that he would have come to my aid by now. I never thought he would let me get so close to danger with all the Walkers swarming me. Then again, we hadn't really talked about the last argument we had had. He said he was worried about me last night, but maybe he was giving me space and letting me handle myself. He would step in if I really needed him. Right?

I cut down the last of the group of Walkers with much effort and an exhausted grunt. I felt the Walker blood dripping down my neck and soaking into my clothes. I turned to look into the trees behind me in the direction that I knew Daryl was hidden, watching me.

Knowing he was found out, Daryl stepped towards me out from behind his place in a shrub.

"Enjoying the show," I breathed out with the pile of bodies laying lifeless around me. He took a few more steps towards me before stopping to look a the Walkers with his crossbow in hand. "What are you doing here?" I asked him at his silence, trying to keep my voice light and welcoming, not wanting to sound like I was complaining about the company.

He finally met my eyes and the answer that I wanted to here was silently confirmed. He was watching over me. Despite everything, we were back to our old ways of being friends. My heart skipped a beat at the thought that I hadn’t pushed him too far away. I was like a nervous teenager on the inside, but being the stubborn ass that I am I scowled down at him slightly, not letting him see how excited I was that he was here.

"I can take care of myself," I let him know for the hundredth time.

He shrugged, a hint of a smile playing at his lips. "I know."

Pleased with his answer I had to surprise my own lips from turning up at the corners. I faced away from him to hide my failed attempts and walked deeper out into the woods.

"So why ya out 'ere?" He questioned as I started back on my path, this time he followed close behind me, not bothering to stay out of my sight anymore.

"You know why," I said darkly, only for him to nod.

He knew I couldn't rest with the Governor still out there. A part of me knew that he couldn't either.

"Michonne's out ‘ere too," he grumbled to me, letting me know that I wasn't alone in wanting the Governor gone for good.

"Why don't you go bother her then?"

He never answered. I had a feeling that he enjoyed my company better than he did Michonne's. We needed this time too. Not to talk anything out or get into another fight, but we needed that silence with each other. Where we could walk around for hours and just soak in the company of the other without a word. The silence mending what I thought I had broken. The silence also helped us forget how awkward we might have felt after having shared a bed. But that was besides the point.

Getting up with the sun to look for the Governor everyday became routine for me, as did making my way to his bed every night. I sort of just followed him in when it was time, and he was always expecting me to also. And it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable after that first night, we got used to needing to hold onto someone and to helping each other through the restless nights.

I never asked Daryl to come with me when I got up to look for the Governor every morning, and I never told him when I was going out after I had disappeared into my room to get ready, but he was always there waiting for me.

Every day I woke up, not getting the amount of sleep I should've been getting, and got dressed and usually grabbed some sort of breakfast bar, if anything at all, before I bounced outside to see him already leaning against the fence with his crossbow propped on the ground next to him.

I do have to say, turning the corner every morning to see him leaned against a wall with a lit smoke between his lips, and the sun rising behind him giving off a magical gold color to the air, was what fucking kept me going. He took my breath away sometimes and the saddest part was that he didn't even fucking realize he was doing it.

Days and weeks went by like this. We would follow the Governor's trail right where we had left off the previous day, coming back in the evenings only to go up and keep watch together then retiring to bed in his room.

We spent every second together almost, and sometimes it got to us. We snapped at each other a lot for pointless shit. We both possessed strong personalities and they clashed more often than not. Pushing the others buttons was something we had become masters at. It was a fun little game to piss Daryl off. He would shit talk back at me and we would go on and on. It usually either ended with him screaming at me before storming off, or with him giving me the silent treatment.

But just like always, the silence fixed everything. It let us cool down and forgive without having to say anything. Before we knew it we were back to chatting like friendly people again as if nothing had ever happened. When we weren't fighting we could find peace in the silence of each others company. I reveled in simply him being around with me. Neither of us needed to talk and that was another thing that made him close to perfect, he didn’t expect anything from me.

***

Taglist:

@daryldixonandfrogs @jodiereedus22 @xchrisxevansx @bvbwestfall

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mtvswatches · 5 years

Text

Wynonna Earp 2x06 Whiskey Lullaby

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) “Don’t talk about my partner’s ass” Hearing Doc say those words in regards to Dolls gave me so much joy!

2) So, Black Badge indeed no longer exists, at least not in the same shape and form as we knew it. They’ve cut Dolls, Purgatory and the Earps loose and they are now left to their own devices. If they’re not a government agency, then what are they? Who else would be interested in fighting the supernatural institutionally? Anyway, the dude told them that when Doc freed Dolls, other things escaped, too.

3) Who or what are these women? Are they widows? Is that why they dress in black?

4) So Wynonna is pregnant. And she’s also in denial mode. I get it, I mean this was definitely not part of the plan. I mean, she really doesn’t have a plan per se, but you know what I mean. She’s refusing to deal with this right now, but who are we kidding? That’s not something that you can really postpone dealing with. You have to make a decision either way. Also, is Doc the father? I’m trying to remember if she slept with anyone else after that, but I think she didn’t? Or is this like a supernatural pregnancy? And what about the goo? Did the goo affect the baby? Is Wynonna going to have the baby? And if she does, will it be an actual baby or are they going to turn it into a Connor? So many questions! I am really interested in seeing where this show is headed with this storyline…

5) To distract herself, Wynonna goes begging Nicole for a case, but there seems to be no supernatural activity lately. Well, except for…

6) So, there are rings and they’re talking about wives and husbands, so they must be widows, but whose widows are they? They’re looking for the location of a seal, and they mention Bobo and the Stone witch, none of whom are available. And when they mention Juan Carlos, they mention that they’re not strong enough to face him. Huh.

7) Hypnos? And the Creepster is asking for more time for the Widows (yes, they are widows, I got it right!) Does this mean this Hypnos guy will hypnotize everyone in Purgatory? Will he turn back time? Make time go slower? He’s doing something alright…

DOLLS: We are free agents. Free to make our own rules and to pursue our own objectives. DOC: Welcome to the club. I've been here a while. I'll show you what areas are off limits. DOLLS: Well, that's my point. There are no areas that are off limits anymore. ME:

Seriously, though, last time we saw them they were getting along just fine, so what happened between then and now?

9) So, this is what was happening…

DOLLS: Hey, Wynonna. You wanna grab coffee with me? There's something I wanna discuss with you that's personal. WYNNONA: Yeah, sure.

Does this mean that Dolls and Wynonna will be a thing? I truly can’t accept that Doc/Wynonna are over? How? They were even barely started!

10) Okay, Waverly just suggested Doc is the baby’s father… This can’t be the end of Wynonna and Doc. I’ll Calcutta bitch!

Even though I agree with Wynonna in that it is her situation and it is up to her who to tell and when, Waverly does make a great point that it’s not fair to either Dolls or Doc not to let them know about her “situation.” I’m guessing Wynonna is going to handle it in true Wynonna fashion and it’s gonna be messy.

11) Oh, Nicole and Waverly are so beautiful and hot together?

And I’m super glad they addressed this because it was kind of tormenting me not knowing whether Waverly was really Waverly when they were together while they were possessed…

NICOLE: You taste like my Waverly again. WAVERLY: What's wrong? NICOLE: I was just thinking how much of the other times were you, you? You know, because you said things, and we did things, and I don't know what was real. WAVERLY: No. It was all real. Okay? It was all me. NICOLE: How can you be sure? WAVERLY: Because I don't remember much about when it was in control. But I remember every second I was with you. Each touch. Every kiss.

12) I guess Hypno dude just put them all to sleep?

And the timing couldn’t have been more perfect for Wynonna, she was really dreading the “personal” conversation with Dolls. But why? Is it because she doesn’t see him in that way? Or is it because she truly does and it scares the shit out of her? I’m guessing it’s the latter, but I don’t want it to be. I have nothing against Dolls, but I love Wynonna and Doc!

13) I guess the Widows did get some time. A few months, actually…

Damn, this means the choice to be pregnant or stop the pregnancy was taken away from her.

How did people survive, though? I mean, Wynonna was covered in dust, and all the food is rotten, which means that time literally went by, it’s not that they just fastforwarded…

Also, damn, their breath must be AWFUL!

14) They need to take drugs to keep themselves awake, but Wynonna obviously can’t take any… and Dolls is making heart eyes at her, and I just realized he still hasn’t seen her baby bump…

15) “The whole town has been asleep for weeks.” Okay, exactly how many weeks? I need to know! So they kept up the whole town asleep this long by threatening with hurting Poppy, who is… Hypnos’ daughter? Lover? I have no idea. But now that Wynonna is awake he can’t make her and the gang fall back asleep… She’s too strong. Damn straight she is!

16) And if people stay asleep too long, they’ll never wake up. Cool. Cool cool cool. Waverly’d better fucking hurry up and wake up Doc yesterday!

17) What are these bitches doing to Wynonna? They’d better not hurt the baby!

18) And this is how Doc fell asleep…

19) Jeremy just woke up and went straight to business. The second seal is apparently in Shorty’s, so they’d been sitting on it this whole time. The problem is that the Widows stole all their plans and research and probably know this already.

20) And Dolls just realized Wynonna is preggers…

I’m guessing now the million-dollar question will be asked – who’s the father? Wynonna insists that nothing has changed and that she can still kick some evil ass, but… that’s probably the last thing in Doll’s mind right now?

21) And this is everything I didn’t know I needed in my life?

A pregnant lady kicking ass? HELL YES!

22) Okay, Poppy is Hypno’s daughter, and the Creepster has obviously taken her to rape her, so Hypno agreed to help Wynonna if she makes sure his daughter is safe, which I think it’s something Wynonna could relate to.

23) The Widows just fucking froze Waverly and Doc? Are they going to eat them up?

24) Bless Nicole, she’s been tracking the Creepster’s phone because she knew he was gross and evil. Bless Wynonna for her reaction, too.

25) Well…

Then he says she’s amazing and tries to save face or a bit of his ego by saying she’s an amazing agent, yeah, right.

26) Please let Jeremy save the day. Pleasepleaseplease.

27) He so didn’t.

28) Oh my God, the fucking Creepster is asking Poppy to role-play as Waverly before he rapes her? PLEASE SOMEONE MURDER HIM!

29) Ugh, Nicole, why would you shoot him in the shoulder and let him run away? Straight between the eyes! And what the fuck else did he do that will get him killed? Worse than what he’s already done?

30) The Widows managed to break the seal, but there’s a third one…

31) And this is how Wynonna told Doc about the baby…?

He’s all teary-eyed, omg, is he happy? Sad? I guess there will be one relationship in his life with strings after all, and I’m not talking about Wynonna. But damn, he didn’t handle the news well, he just walked away and didn’t say anything…

32) So… no time has really passed except for the baby… How convenient for the plot...

33) Damn, Dolls just shot Hypno in cold-blood and forced Wynonna to off him. He’s truly butthurt about the baby, isn’t he?

34) Doc wrote a note for Wynonna. And Jeremy knew Wynonna was pregnant all along hahaha!

35) Clootie?

Oh. This is what he did. He killed Clootie.

36) Damn, this whole scene…

WYNONNA: Am I a screw-up? Yeah. I've also been on two types of birth control since I was 13 years old. But the universe doesn't give a damn. It's never given me a choice, it's never… not whether I wanted to be the Heir or a m… a mother. WAVERLY: I know you're overwhelmed, okay? But not everything is because you're an Earp. WYNONNA: Yeah, it is. It always comes back to the curse, Wave, always. I really, I… I can't do this. WAVERLY: Hey. WYNONNA: No. WAVERLY: Hey. WYNONNA: This poor asshole! WAVERLY: Hey I'm not saying it's gonna be okay. But I'm just saying I'm here.

I’m just, wow. There are so many things that I love about this scene and this plot and what it means for Wynonna. First of all, I’m so glad it’s not a supernatural pregnancy and that it wasn’t the result of rape – magical or otherwise. It’s the result of consensual sex, which is sadly unprecedent in supernatural shows. Think about that for a minute.

There’s the question of choice, too. Wynonna didn’t choose to get pregnant nor did she choose to remain so. I doubt she would’ve ended the pregnancy, but the fact remains, she was deprived of that choice. It’s easier to understand her initial denial and reluctance to discuss the pregnancy in light of this final scene. It’s sad but I think it has to do with the fact she doesn’t think she’s fit to be a mother. Wynonna handles herself with a lot of bravado and self-confidence, but most of the time, it feels as though she’s trying the old “fake it till you make it” strategy. She’s deeply insecure and she thinks very low of herself. On top of that, she’ll be bringing a child into this supernatural mayhem that it’s her life. She’s fully aware she’ll be putting a burden on her child, In a way, she fears she’ll be doing to that child the same thing that has been done so many times to her – depriving them of choice.

I’m just very intrigued as to how they’re going to deal with this pregnancy, and I can’t help but wonder again – will there even be a baby or are we facing a Connor situation? There has already been one time-jump, so it’s possible there’s another one…

37) Aw, Doc, this is why I love you…

He’s all fucking in!

38) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

#Wynonna Earp #Waverly Earp #Wynonna Earp 2x06 #Doc Holliday #Xavier Dolls #WE recap #WE 2x06 #mine

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kloxbian · 4 years

Text

You’re my Little Secret Chapter Six

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category: F/F

Fandom: The 100 (TV)

Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Minor or Background Relationship(s)

Characters: Clarke Griffin, Lexa (The 100), Octavia Blake, Bellamy Blake, Anya (The 100), Mountain Men (The 100), Raven Reyes

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe, Forbidden Love, Secret Relationship, Grounder Clarke Griffin, Sort Of, Opposite of slowburn, More tags to be added

Language: English

Words: 21,046

Chapters (as of 4/6/2020): 8/?

Previous Chapter: Lexa could feel herself seething. How dare that insolent boy treat Clarke like she was some branwada goufa who needed a caretaker. It was blatant disrespect, and Lexa had to restrain the urge to knock him in the head to see if it would put some sense into his brain.

Lexa began her return to her own camp, pondering over what it was about the skai girl that made her feel such emotions.

It came out of nowhere.

The first sign that it came was the scream, then the sound of ripping flesh. Clarke jolted awake, scrambling out of the dropship into the night.

You couldn’t see it at first; its coat was as dark as the sky. But you could see the movement. Two people sprinted for the dropship, one of them falling down at something leaped onto their back. They screamed as claws dug into their back, pulling them to pieces.

Clarke grabbed her knife, charging in the direction of the mysterious assailant. A reckless, stupid move on her part, but what else was she to do? With a yell, she stabbed her knife between the shoulder blades of the four-legged beast. It yowled, turning so fast that she lost her grip on the hilt. It was on her before she could blink.

It was heavy, she noticed as it stood on her chest, claws tearing at her stomach. Its yellow eyes gleamed in the darkness, tell-tale signs that it was a feline. With this discovery, it took a second for the pain to hit. But when it did, it hit full blast.

She couldn’t hold back her screams. It wasn’t on her for long, though - someone, some stupid, wanna-be heroic kid tackled it to the ground. She rolled over, attempting to stand but collapsing back into the dirt. She could hear the shrieks of the big cat, far too big to be normal, and the chortled wail as it died, but she was only aware of the excruciating pain, the blood leaking from her torso and soaking the ground.

In all the confusion, someone grabbed her by the armpits, pulling her back. She bit her lip hard enough that it bled. Eventually, they slipped their arms beneath her, lifting her to their chest, and the shock of pain that went through her was enough to send her spiraling toward the darkness. Hushed whispers filled her ears but she was gone before she could hear.

She woke up more comfortable than she’d ever been.

Unfortunately, she was also in agonizing pain.

It had dulled since she was last awake, and there was something cold smeared over her wound that soothed a bit of the heat, but it still hurt to even breathe. She groaned loudly, opening her eyes and immediately closing them.

She heard a quiet laugh and slowly blinked awake. Sitting beside her bed, dressed in a way she’d never been before, was Lexa.

She flinched, wincing from the pain. “Lexa?” Her voice cracked harshly. “Where am I?”

“You’re in Tondisi.” She reached over to rest a hand on Clarke’s arm. “I brought you here after the attack on your camp.”

TonDC. The Trikru capital. She remembered Lexa telling her about it. “Why am I here?”

“The Skenripa did great harm to you. I feared the skills of your delinquents would not be adequate enough to care for you.” She looked at Clarke, slightly nervous but hidden behind a mask that she hadn’t seen for a while. “I had to use the ruse that you were a prisoner. I hope you do not mind.”

Prisoner? “Will I be able to leave?”

“Assuredly,” Lexa replied. “I will have you back to your people as soon as you are healed.”

“I need to get back to them now.” She struggled to sit up, the bandages around her stomach keeping her stiff. “They’re probably worried.”

“Oh, they are. They’ve sent out search parties for you. But you cannot go back to them as you are.”

“I have to.” She threw her legs over the side of the bed, gritting her teeth painfully. “There are probably a ton of injuries. I’m the only healer there.”

“Yes, but none are on the same level as yours,” Lexa argued. “The others can survive with what they have until you are fit to travel.”

“Which would be days, maybe weeks. I have to get back.” She rose to her feet, swaying unsteadily for a second before her knees crumpled. Lexa lunged forward and caught her, helping her sit back onto the bed.

“Klark, you cannot even stand. There is no hope for you getting back to your people today.” Lexa pushed her into the furs. “Rest.”

“No, Lexa, I can’t!”

“Heda?” They both froze, Lexa’s face instantly turning emotionless. A guard peeked his head through the entrance. “Em ething ait?”

“Sha, Gostos. Em’s ogeda ona rak op.” He dipped his head respectfully, backing out of the tent.

Clarke was frozen in place. “Who was that?”

“My guard.” Lexa sat down next to Clarke, thinking carefully about how to word this. “Klark, there is something about me which I haven’t told you.”

Clarke knew that she was uninformed about Lexa’s life, very much so, but the way she spoke made it sound huge. She stiffened, nodding for Lexa to continue.

Lexa took a deep breath, schooling her face into apathy. “You have heard me speak of the commander, yes?”

“Of course. She was the one who kept us alive.”

“Yes, well…” Lexa, always one to keep things blunt, pushed right ahead. “The commander - is myself.”

It took many long moments for her words to register. Clarke’s face turned from something akin to concern to confusion. “You’re the commander?”

Lexa nodded mutely.

“But then -” Clarke inhaled long and deep, struggling to keep her mind in one place. “You were the one who spared us? Who ordered us to be watched? Who was the one observing us?”

“Yes.” Lexa pursed her lips. “You have to understand, Klark - I am revered as a god among my people. If you were to tell the other Skairku, not that I believe you would, but if you had, it is entirely possible I would be evicted from my position. To have friendly relations with what my people consider to be an enemy is sacrilege.”

Clarke thought over it all in her head, leaving Lexa waiting anxiously. Finally, she answered. “Then why tell me now? Why bring me to TonDC?”

“Because I need you. Out of all the Skaikru, you are by far the most promising. To lose you would be to lose the most powerful influence they have that is keeping them from starting a war with us.”

“Oh, so this is all about politics?” Clarke knew that it wasn’t, deep in her heart, she knew, but the way Lexa was speaking of her as if she was only cared about because of her influence- it got to her. “I don’t matter, of course not, just that you keep a handhold over my people.”

“Klark, no, that’s not all it is.”

“But that’s part of it. A big part, probably. Why would the great commander want to befriend a measly Skaikru girl?” Clarke narrowed her eyes. “It was all a part of a plan, wasn’t it? To use me as a pawn in your scheme?”

“It’s not like that at all!” Lexa reached out to take one of her hands, feeling a pang of hurt at Clarke’s rejection. “Maybe it was at first, but I trust you, Klark. In ways I should not. I consider you a friend and hope it can stay that way after this.”

God, Clarke wanted that, too. Every moment she’d spent with Lexa had been one of the best. Never before had someone treated her the way Lexa did, not like she was the daughter of Jake and Abby Griffin, but like she was Clarke. Lexa didn’t know of her past, and what she did know, she didn’t judge her on. It was a feeling she’d soaked in every time she was in Lexa’s presence. But to learn that all this time, Lexa had been lying to her-

She took a deep breath. She needed to look at this from Lexa’s side. And, even through the feeling of betrayal, she could see that Lexa was right. It was a smart move.

But still-

No. She couldn’t.

“I don’t forgive you.” Lexa’s face dropped even more, her emotionless facade completely gone. “But I’ll give you another chance. I want to be your friend, Lexa, I really do, but I have to know that I can trust you. Even if you are the commander.”

Lexa nodded. “Of course, Klark.”

“Then get me back to my people.”

Lexa sighed. “I cannot convince you to stay, can I?”

“No.”

“Then I will have it arranged to be taken back to your people as soon as I can.”

Clarke paused at that. “You won’t be taking me back?” No, of course she wouldn't, she’s the damn commander. Then again, she had been the one watching them.

Lexa cocked her head. “Do you want me to?”

“I’d… prefer that, yes.” As much as she despised Lexa right now, she still trusted her more than anyone else that might be in the town. At least she knew her.

“Then I will. Let me inform Indra that I will be taking you back myself, and then we shall depart.” Clarke nodded, unsure exactly of what Lexa’s position as commander entailed for this, but deciding now wasn’t the time to ask. Not when it would only delay them.

Lexa left, and Clarke waited impatiently, left alone to her thoughts. Why had Lexa been watching them personally? She had scouts to do that for her. And then why had she of all people decided to try and make friends with one of the Skaikru? It would’ve been easier for her to have someone else do it. Unless she didn’t trust her people to do it correctly.

She pondered over this for the entire time she was alone, her mind filled with questions about Lexa. If she had been lying about this, who knew what else she was lying about?

Lexa finally stepped back into the tent, walking over to the bed. “Come, Klark. If you are ready, we are prepared to leave.”

Much to her dismay, she needed Lexa’s help to make it out of the tent. With Clarke leaning heavily against her side, Lexa led them out of the tent over to the stables.

Clarke took one look at the horses and shut down. “Oh, no. I can’t ride a horse.”

Lexa sent her an inquisitive look. “Why not? They will hasten our journey.”

“I don’t know how. Plus, it wouldn’t help my injury.”

“Neither would walking the entire way there. It is a day’s walk, Klark. The horse will at least lessen the pressure placed on your injury.”

Clarke frowned, her mind searching for an alternative. “But what about crutches?”

“Crutches.” Lexa’s mouth contorted awkwardly around the word. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“They were things that you put under your arm and acted as legs. You’d step forward with them and then use them to walk.”

Lexa cocked her head. “I have never heard of such a device. Is it like your tek?”

“No, it’s… nevermind.” She sighed loudly. “Do you at least have painkillers?” “Sha. I asked a sekon to retrieve them for me earlier.”

“You mean the girl currently sprinting toward us?”

Lexa looked in the direction and had to hold back a chuckle as the girl skidded to a stop, holding out a bag of herbs. “Thank you, Tris. Do you remember what Anya told you about running through the village like that?”

Tris flushed. “That it is undignified of me.”

“Sha, it is. It could also cause harm to yourself or others. You are not a child, Tris.”

She ducked her head. “Moba, Heda.”

Lexa nodded. “Good. Now run along.”

The girl scampered off. Lexa opened the bag, plucking out two of the berries. “Eat these. They should take effect soon.”

Clarke took them from her hand and bit into them, grimacing at the bitter taste. “Now can we walk?”

“It will take longer. On the herbs, as long as you have a steady mount, your injury should be able to handle a lope. It will cut the time in half.”

Clarke bit her lip. As much as she hated the idea of riding a horse, she couldn’t deny the benefits. “Fine. But we leave them behind once we get close to camp.”

Lexa nodded. “Of course, Klark.”

A stablehand brought out two horses, a mutated two-headed mare and a large, regal white stallion. The stablehand helped her onto the horse while Lexa easily mounted hers. Lexa quickly briefed her on how to ride a horse while she guided them both through the streets, nodding politely to the guards as they opened the gates for her.

Before they could make it out of the gates, a loud boom rocked the earth. Clarke’s horse reared up, still held in place by Lexa, who had its reins in her hands. Clarke gasped at the sudden pain but quickly forgot it as she watched something come flaming down, outlined by the setting sun. A thwump so strong they could hear it from there sounded as a parachute sprang out behind it, slowing it down until it crashed behind the trees.

Lexa wrapped the reins of Clarke’s horse tightly around her hand. “Hold on.”

Clarke had to hold back a yelp as Lexa kicked her horse into a gallop. She grasped at her horse’s mane, leaning over its shoulders and watching the trees fly past in a blur. The jolts made her wince with each stride, but she could hold it together. She watched Lexa instead, the way her braided locks sailed out behind her, how the red sash flickered and whipped in the wind, the way her jacket flared out behind her.

They rode through the setting of the sun and past the starry twilight, only stopping when the starlight dimmed so low that it was impossible to see the trees around them. Lexa dismounted, tying both horses to a tree. “I hope you are comfortable sleeping on the ground,” Lexa said, helping her off her horse. “You will have to tonight.”

“I’ll be alright,” Clarke said, hovering awkwardly. Lexa sat down with her back to one of the large oaken trees. Watching. Waiting.

Clarke leaned against her horse, eyeing Lexa back. Lexa nodded to the ground. “Are you going to sleep or not?”

“Are you not?”

Lexa shook her head. “Dangers lurk in the night. If we both slept, we might never awaken.”

Oh. That wasn’t at all worrying. Though after last night’s attack, she supposed she couldn’t argue. With slow, careful movements, she stumbled away from the horses, dropping down onto the forest floor. She hadn’t realized how much her legs ached after riding for hours, and she was thankful to succumb to sleep.

Clarke woke to the smell of cooked meat. She rolled onto her back, groaning as her injury stretched. Eyes opening blurrily, she could see that Lexa had lit a fire, and had a rabbit cooking over it. From the other side, her eyes met Lexa’s.

She sat up slowly, her hand reflexively clutching her stomach. Lexa smiled politely at her. “The food is just about ready. We’ll mount up immediately after. I hope to reach the new skaiship before your people do.”

The other ship! Clarke looked up at the sky, noting that it was just barely dawn. She doubted any of the delinquents would be awake. They’d probably reach it before them unless they had to ride for another couple hours. Whether she wanted her and Lexa to reach it first would depend on what was inside.

Neither she nor Lexa spoke as they ate, both avoiding the other’s gaze. Clarke clearly remembered yesterday, Lexa newfound position as commander of the twelve clans. For someone so powerful, she seemed oddly affectionate, at least toward Clarke. She wondered if that was on purpose, and if so, why.

Or maybe Lexa genuinely wanted Clarke to like her.

With such a large political divide between them, it was hard to be sure.

Back on the horses, Lexa set a slower pace, more comfortable but still speedy. Clarke was thankful for that,whether or not Lexa did it for hert. Her thighs already ached from last night’s sprint.

They reached the ship within the hour. Lexa had left their horses behind, two people falling from the trees to take them, people who Clarke now knew were Lexa’s guards. She had no doubt some were following them now. They’d probably had eyes on the ship since it landed.

The ship had mostly settled, a bit of smoke still leaking from the engine. It looked untouched. Lexa hung back at the tree line and watched Clarke approach it, a hand reaching back to settle on her sword. She had no idea what the Skaikru could send in the Skaiship.

Clarke opened the door, ducking inside as soon as she could. There were no supplies, no stores of food or blankets for the cold, but what there was…

Clarke clambered into the ship, kneeling on the adjacent seat and shaking the shoulder of the girl inside. Her helmet had been completely fogged up with her breath, cracks running all across it, leaving the face obscured. Blood leaked from the top. A concussion, most likely, if not something worse. She was alive, at least. Clarke could see that much.

The girl moaned in pain, head lolling to the side as a hand reached up to touch her head. Clarke caught it. “Hey. Leave it.”

The girl removed her helmet, shaking her sweaty hair out of her face. She blinked up at Clarke. “Where am I?”

Clarke couldn’t help a grin. “You’re on the ground.”

She helped the other girl out, first noticing that Lexa was nowhere to be seen. The next thing she noticed was Finn bursting out of the trees.

Finn froze, staring in disbelief. The other girl stared right back, a huge grin stretching over her face. Clarke hesitantly let her go, watching her waver a bit but was otherwise fine. “Raven?”

Newly-named Raven laughed. “Finn!”

They rushed to each other, embracing heartily. They spoke softly, too low for Clarke to hear, and she watched with rising disgust as they kissed.

Breaking apart, Clarke wandered closer, listening to their conversation. From what she could gather, Raven had rebuilt the ship from scrap, coming down to the ground… to be with Finn. “I would do anything for you,” she said, voice filled with adoration. “Just like you would for me.”

At Finn’s glance toward Clarke, she knew that Finn would, in fact, not do anything for her. Not when it came down to obsessing over another girl.

Raven faltered, knees collapsing, and Finn carefully set her down. Jogging back to Clarke, she handed him a medkit. He looked at her guiltily. “I’m sorry.”

Ha. Like that would cut it. “Let’s not talk about this.”

Finn nodded, pursing his lips and turning back to Raven. She followed him. “This is Clarke,” he said. “She was on the dropship.”

Raven looked back to her, eyes widening in recognition. “Clarke? This was all because of your mom. This was all her plan. We were trying to come down together, we were waiting, but…” Raven’s smile sank. “Oh, no. We were waiting because the council was voting whether to kill three hundred people to save oxygen.”

Clarke felt her breath rush past her lips. “When?” “Today!” Pushing past them both, she stumbled over to the ship, grabbing hastily for it. “We have to tell them you’re alive!”

Ducking under the door, Raven leaned against the control panel, bending over to see the radio. She was still for a moment, unmoving, before she turned back to them. “The radio’s gone. It must have gotten loose during reentry.”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, that was bad. If the Ark was going to slaughter three hundred people and they had no way to tell them otherwise? They’d stay up in the sky forever, slowly losing oxygen until there was no one left alive.

Raven cursed, pounding her fist against the side of the pod. Clarke put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey. We have someone at the dropship working on a way to communicate with the Ark. If you’re as genius a mechanic as you claim to be, maybe we can have it done before they start the killing.”

“Is it close to done?”

“I have no idea.” She looked at Finn. He shrugged. Clarke swore under her breath. “Last time I checked, no, but I’ve been gone all day. I don’t know.”

“Speaking of which,” Finn said, drawing both their attention. “Where have you been?”

Clarke pursed her lips. “The middle of the forest. Don’t ask, because I don’t know either.”

Not very believable, but it would have to do.”

“Well, let’s get going!” Raven said, grabbing Finn’s arm and pulling him. “Which way?”

Finn led her away, looking back at Clarke with perhaps the most pitiful expression on his face. She scoffed. If he thought he could get off the hook just from that, he was sorely mistaken.

She followed behind them, watching Finn and Raven talk softly, grinning like they were crazy in love. One of them was, at least.

She felt something brush her shoulder and turned, startled to see Lexa, feet planted against the side of a tree, one hand gripping a branch above her. Clarke felt both relieved and annoyed. “What, was I not walking quietly enough?”

Lexa ignored that, leaning closer. “We have a bit of a problem,” she muttered, so quietly that Clarke had to strain to hear her. “My scouts reported that one of your people had wandered a distance from camp and fell down a slope, injuring herself.”

Clarke glanced warily back at Finn and Raven, but neither were paying attention to her. “Where are they?”

“That’s the problem.” Lexa’s eyes followed hers to the other skaikru. “One of my scouts disobeyed my direct orders to leave the Skaikru alone.”

Clarke felt dread settle in her stomach. “And?”

“He took her. I’m afraid one of my people has one of yours hostage.”

Chapters 1-8 up on ao3 here.

First chapter on Tumblr here.

Previous chapter here.

Next chapter here.

#clexa #clexa fanfic #fanfiction #clexa deserved better #you're my little secret

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eris0330 · 5 years

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Hiraeth - Twenty

☽Pairing☾ ; BTS | Reader ☽Genre☾ ; Angst

☽Word Count☾ ; 2.2k

☽Summary☾ Returning back to Korea after years of being under the ground, to see your parents. You wished it was all it took, to feel complete again. The aftermath of confusion, betrayal and sorrow was the reason to never come back into the boys presents. But it wasn’t until, seeing one them enter the same cafe, at the right time.

☽Warnings☾ Mention of suicide and along those lines.

☽M. List☾ ; 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // 9 // 10 // 11 // 12 // 13 // 14 // 15 // 16 // 17 // 18 // 19 // 20 // 21 // 22 [ongoing]

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Forgetting to pull the blinds from the previous night, you woke up to the burning sunlight striking through the window. You were getting closer to the day you would meet the boys, where everything was seemed to change everything. So far, everything has seemed like a dream filled with coincidences. But you were longing to see them, to feel them and talk to them. The fact you were seeing their last messages to you yesterday, felt unreal and was holding you back. You were so exhausted that you couldn’t even remember, when you fell asleep. But the messages, they were circling around in your head and your heart beating at each burning word. There were questions, you couldn’t possibly get any answers to, unless you searched deeper. Regret, building within while thinking of how the boys must have wished, to hear from your again. Did they really want to see you? After you never showed presence in their lives? There were so many worries, that it continued like a loop. Remembering that someone taught you to reach out for help, in the need of comfort and wonder, you decided it was time to change. Reaching for your phone, you checked the numbers you could call for help but there was only one you felt was the right one. The sound of beeping and anticipation, knowing well that he had a stuffed schedule. Even in the early mornings of 8 am, he was quick to answer your call.

“Hello?”He sounded surprised, as if he had just woken up. The rasp of his voice is significantly clearer in the phone speaker, almost coughing to get a better vocal.

“Hey Yoongi…” You whispered, trying to adjust the feeling of calling someone like this. Scratches were audible from the phone, hearing his body shuffle within his duvet.

“Is something wrong? Are you okay??” He sounded worried, almost if it was immediate response when hearing your voice.

“Yeah… No…ye-“

“No?”He was quick to cut your off, not letting you finish the last word. He was worried. Unable to settle down, when hearing you in distress. You sighed, a little happy that he showed his concern even before hearing your problem.

“Really, I’m alright. But could we meet? Maybe today? There is something I want to talk about with you, before I meet the boys” You requested, hearing another rustle through the speaker. His mumbles were louder by each second, as he pouted while speaking of his schedule. It was always clear, to hear when he spoke in ‘pout’.

“Give me 20 minutes, I’ll come to your place” He stated, rushing to find his beanie while you could only agree to his deal. Most of the time, you just had to take what you get because he won’t always have the time to get around like this.

“Okay, see ya…” You hung up, slipping into a robe as to stay comfortable of an early morning. Brewing the coffee and searching in the fridge, trying to find something that was edible for the both of you. Nothing was appetizing as for now, so you hoped that a cup of coffee was enough. Even though, you both knew that’s how you all stayed throughout a day anyways. Back in the days, when you were scraping the bottom of the bowl to get a snack, while your stomachs were almost eating itself. You had gotten used to, when there was nothing to eat to fill your hunger as a trainee. Lost in your own thoughts, you heard a faint knocking on your door. Opening it up, you were faced with a barefaced man with the biggest blue beanie and darkest clothes. His eyes growing large, watching your attire. “Isn’t it a bit too… casual? To look like that with a man?” He commented, pushing his shoes off to step inside your small residence and looking at the less personalised room, realising how different I was compared to your dorm room.

“Shorts, Top and robe? I mean, you have seen worse after all these years living in the same room basically?” You answered, puffing your cheeks while he put a paper bag on your coffee table.

“I got scones, figured you didn’t have breakfast yet” He scoffed with a light smirk, seeing you pour coffee into two cups. Handing the other one to him, to sit beside on the couch. A sly smile forming on your lips, as he blew onto the steamy cup.

“Raising my sugar count already? You must have been in a hurry” You joked, taking one of the scones in the bag. His brows raising, letting a scoff pass his lips.

“In fact I was, but I also know how much you like sweet stuff” Chuckling, as he munched on a scone too. “So, why the sudden call? What did you need to talk about?” He questioned curiously, settling back into the couch with his legs folded. Your scones holding still on the tip of your lips, remembering why you called him so urgently this morning. Your eyes wandering towards the phone on the table, to return back into his wondering eyes.

“Chan followed me home yesterday, after meeting Wonho” You explained, making his brows raise once again but with a hint of confusion.

“Wonho?”He repeated in surprise, making you nod. He quickly realised Wonho wasn’t the reason you called him, but something else that he wasn’t prepared for.

“Chan gave me my phone, that I lost a few years ago… right before the accident” You continued, making his lips purse into a thin line.

“So that’s where it went… Is it still working?” He questioned with a deep voice, letting the scone rest in his hands before he put it back on the table. His body chilling of your discovery, unable to know what you have seen.

“It is… and I saw the messages… all of them.” You whispered, feeling his eyes close slowly in front of you. His face adverting to anywhere else than on your soulless body, making you feel the regret grow stronger.

“I… I disappointed you all. I betrayed you with my trust and never responded to those messages, that were left for me to read about hope. I know you all said, that you’re hoping to see me again even though there was no light on my whereabouts. But is it really true? After all these years? Texting to this phone that was never found, to never receive a response?” Your lips were shivering, lounging your hands on your thighs. Yoongi’s brows scrunched of worry, trying to reach for your uncontrollable shaking hands to put your scone away. Your body jolting of his touch, as he notices your eyes pooled.

“Y/N-“

“I’m so sorry…. That I never answered… That I never tried… That I just let you guys live in grief… I let you suffer so many years and now I’m going to act like nothing has happened? I can’t do it, Yoongi. I can’t meet the boys… not after all of this… What if they will hate me for coming back like this?” You started to get cold feet and your tears falling upon Yoongi’s hands, he guided you to nest in the comfort of his arms. Your face hiding in the crook of his neck, to feel his hands stroke the shivering off your back. Hushing you to calm down and let yourself go, feeling each breath become quiet.

“This is why you need to meet the boys… It doesn’t matter how long it has taken, because time heals all wounds at one point. It’s time to meet them, to let you know that they aren’t mad at you and you never forgot about them… They miss you and wishes to see you every day. You have to believe me, that meeting them will help on all of us. It’s time to put away your worries and face your fears, okay?” He whispered, as his fingers ran through your soft hair. The sound of your sniffles become quieter, he knew you were calming down in his embrace. Your face retreating from his neck, to face his worried expression and sniffles one last time. Nodding of his words, you took a deep breath as his hand came close to linger on your cheek, drying away the tears.

“It’s gonna be okay, I promise” He finished, letting a tiny smile form on his lips. Your face mirroring him, feeling the warmth embrace your chest.

“Okay...”You responded, reaching for the unfinished scone to hold it up in between your bodies. “Now eat, I know you don’t always get enough throughout the day” You chuckled, hearing him sigh with a smile to let his own scone nudge against yours to finally munch it again. The silence contributing to the coffee being slurped and the gulps of food, filling up your empty stomachs. Finalizing the last scone, you wiped your fingers in a paper towel while looking at the phone on the table.

“I wondered… who pays my phone bill?” You questioned curiously, watching his lips pout and shake his head in response.

“I don’t know, but you might find out” He answered, making your brows scrunch of his puzzled answer. Did he know then?

“Oh right… I came in thought about it yesterday, but did you guys hear anything from Soomi after I went away?” It was like the name, gave a splint of lighting through his body. His eyes grew wider and lips formed into anger, hearing your question.

“She’s a so-called youtuber now. Does dance covers, vocal covers and some Vlogs” Fishing his phone from his pocket, he found the Youtube channel in seconds. Handing you the phone, you noticed a few of the titles and confusing struck you once more. Your mouth gaping, aware that it could be dangerous that Soomi is a public figure.

“You don’t think-“

“Relax. She’s still under contract, so don’t worry about her outing you or us” Yoongi assured, taking the phone away again. But something still urged you, knowing she is someone who has a following and people support her. “By the way, I have something I want to show you. Didn’t know when was the right time, but since you start getting cold feet, I might as well make you sure about that the boys actually do miss you and want to see you again” Yoongi spoke in a light raspy voice, searching further in his phone. Your head tilting of curiosity, to see his fingers slide against his phone screen.

“See”His phone screen viewed for your eyes to see, looking at the group photo of the boys in the field. Not just any field, it was an open field where you shot spring day and carved a heart on the tree.

“The boys wanted to go there, to remise” Yoongi explained, seeing the smile on the boys standing in front of the tree, to see the carved heart above their heads. It was your place, in the winter while the snow drizzled during the recording of the MV. “And here”

The restaurant that you used to go to, as trainess and the start of the rookie days. The placement like usual, with an empty spot for you to sit. “The owner misses seeing us around and hoped you would have time to come with us next time”He added, to see the plates of food scattered in the middle of the table. Yoongi continued to show photos of the boys, being in various places that you have left a trademark. Would it be a carved symbol in a stem of a tree, or a lock which symbolises the strength of your friendship. They would go there, only to know you had been there before with them, sharing the love they were longing to feel again.

“They always insist on going to these places, over and over again. So don’t doubt that the kids miss you, because they can’t stop thinking about you.” Yoongi finished, putting the phone away in his pocket. Looking at the time, it was soon scheduled to practice. His eyes lingering for longer than he would normally allow, watching your smile linger on your lips after seeing the photos. His groans were louder, having to get up from the couch to leave your company but you followed him to the exit of your apartment. His jacket zipped up and mouth mask on, covering his identity enough to not get caught in public. You waved softly, standing by the door to watch him walk away before he turned back to you with a pointed finger.

“Get packing, Missy. Can’t have you coming unprepared” He ordered with a cocky smirk, before turning back on his trail and towards the exit of the building. Scoffing with a heartfelt smile, you closed the door. “Yes, sir” You whispered. After watching the photos of the boys, staying at the memorial spots that you used to visit together. You felt assured, that it was time to let them heal fully and not by themselves, but with you by their side. The day of meeting them were coming close and you have never felt readier, knowing you’d soon be in their presence again.

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anerdinallherglory · 5 years

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Approaching Sun (20)

Author’s Note:Again, I apologize for not having this out until now. I have been absolutely swamped. I am hoping my time will free up a lot this summer. Thanks for your patience.

P.S. Happy Monday

Pairing: SasuSaku

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19

Next Chapter: 21

Chapter 20: No More.

Sasuke thought it was the sudden light of sunrise that was signaling the instincts within his body to wake. That is, until a growing warmth began to bloom over his face and a sweat beaded across his forehead.

The Uchiha sucked in a sharp breath and opened his eyes. An orb of orange flame hovered a couple of feet in front of his face and Sasuke had to blink several times before his eyes could adjust enough to recognize the stooped frame illuminated just behind it.

Sasuke jerked back away from the flame as he croaked hoarsely, "What the--" He coughed on his own words, his throat strangely dry.

"You're finally awake," Sakura's voice floated softly across the short space between them. Finally, the torch was withdrawn and Sasuke let out a small sigh of relief. The torch was quickly replaced with a pale hand that touched the sweaty plane of his brow. "I'm starting to think that you might be sick."

"I'm starting to think you're annoying andcrazy," he moaned, glancing around him. It took the Uchiha a second to recall where exactly he was. They were still in Kaguya's tower, up the stairs and in this pitch-black room. He couldn’t tell how much time had passed since he'd fallen asleep.

"You've been asleep for almost 24 hours!" Sakura whispered loudly, almost as if she was afraid to overwhelm his senses. Sasuke was grateful because he suddenly felt a little disoriented--perhaps he had exhausted himself more than he had thought.

When Sasuke thought about it, more time usually stretched between his uses of the Rinnegan. Yes, he had spent almost a week and a half in the village and had roamed aimlessly outside of the realms for a week before he had even decided to turn towards Konoha. So essentially, he had had almost 2 and a half weeks to recover most of his chakra just to blow it on coming here. Thankfully, by only teleporting to the core dimension, Sasuke had only used 1/4th of the reserves he normally spent. It was a complicated math problem: his dojustu needed enough chakra to get him to the core dimension and then enough to open any of the other connected realms (all of which used varying levels of chakra) and still more to do those same steps but in reverse--not to mention, that he needed chakra to save in case he encountered an enemy.

This was Sasuke's biggest problem while searching for Kaguya. He felt like so much of his time was wasted just on letting his body recover enough to jump between realms, and the Uchiha already felt like time was slipping between his fingers. Just how much longer did he have? This was why they needed to leave—to go to the Sand village so that Sasuke might conduct an experiment and test a theory of his.

Lost in thought, Sasuke's eyes had drifted closed again despite the glaring light of the flame in front of him. If he was this tired, he must have emptied himself more than he thought, probably not taking into account that he had to use extra by bringing Sakura with him here. Would he have enough to take them home?

Suddenly, a green glow replaced the flame's brightness and Sasuke jumped when the palm on his forehead pressed harder. Without meaning to, Sasuke leaned into the cool, green brilliance of Sakura's fingers. When Sasuke's head began to clear, he let himself absorb the chakra, his body greedily accepting it. But then, an image of his former red-haired teammate pushing her scarred skin between his teeth had Sasuke reaching up and pulling Sakura's hand down.

He wasn’t the person to do that sort of thing anymore. "That's enough," he croaked, throat still scratchy from little use.

"Don't be silly," she whispered again as her fingertips moved to his throat and began glowing again, healing this part of him too. "We need to get you out of this room."

Sasuke stared up at her. Her face was dirty, and he was suddenly aware of just how long 24 hours must have seemed like to her--and in this perpetual darkness. "You could've woken me up sooner."

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Says the grump who growled at me just seconds ago for waking him."

In answer, Sasuke growled. Just for good measure—so the pink-haired kunoichi wouldn’t forget.

That bright sound of her giggle escaping her mouth had the thought of smirk coming to Sasuke's mind, but when the kunoichi reached out, grabbed his tunic and practically lifted him to his feet, Sasuke snarled again, all joking aside. That damn strength surprised him every time—not to mention that by doing such a thing, she made Sasuke feel a little feeble.

He hissed when his weight settled to his stiff ankles. He rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck to disguise the sound. Sakura giggled again, obviously taking much delight in his current predicament.

"Come on," she tugged on his elbow—purposefully avoiding his hand—and Sasuke began to walk forward, focused on the woman in front of him.

…………………………..

Little steps, she almost said to him after pulling him forward. But with her hand on his arm and their bodies so close in this dimness, Sakura didn’t let the words escape her mouth in case he might misread her meaning.

In truth, she was starving. It was the reason she had finally woken him. Now the way in which she woke him could have been different, but the medical side of her couldn’t help but make an experiment out of it though: seeing how his body would respond to the light after being submerged in night for a 24-hour period. It took her a long time to re-ignite that infuriating torch so that she might mimic the sun.

Sasuke didn’t know—hadn’t realized that he had been by himself for hours at a time during his deep sleep. Sakura had left him soon after he had gone under. Sakura had left that room with a sense of thrilling determination, eager and hopeful to finally prove her usefulness to the Uchiha. However, after marching aimlessly around for hours, Sakura found—well, not much. Okay… she found nothing.

She had searched for 3 hours inside this confusing maze of a tower looking for everything and anything that might be useful to them: structures, forms of writing or symbols, patterns of similarities or differences. There just wasn’t anything.

At best, Sakura was able to figure out and easily navigate this entire damn maze within that time. Each tunnel and every turn brought her back to that single room in which Sasuke remained sleeping. Each time she reentered, Sasuke would stir, years of ninja instincts alerting him to her coming and going.

"Sleep," she had whispered as she placed her glowing hand over his eyes and sent a soothing sensation down through her chakra, and he had fallen back into sleep. Sakura didfeel guilty for that—coaxing his body back into a sleep. She had only done it once, but Sasuke had stopped stirring after that. So Sakura had taken advantage of the situation and left the tower completely.

She was gone for four hours that time. Wherever the light was coming from, Sakura didn’t know, but it never darkened in this dimension—a sky always alight with a sun that never warmed or set. The medical ninja didn’t like it, but the tower's darkness made a lot more sense taking that fact into consideration. But why? Who, other than Kaguya had ever made use of it?

Sakura had been determined to find something out. It was with this conviction, that had the kunoichi marching through the rising and falling dunes for two hours after that, looking back and forth for a sign of anything--anything at all. But this dimension was like a red, rocky desert that never changed. There wasn’t another tower within that two-hour radius like she was hoping. She had even kicked through the dirt in search of any living thing, but there was nothing, so she stomped her foot into the red rock and turned on her heel back towards the tower.

When Sakura had arrived, Sasuke still slept silently and soundly in the dark, so she had curled up against the opposite wall and let her frustration pull her own body under. When she woke, Sakura sat up and was surprised to see that Sasuke still slept. It was then that she suspected her influence earlier had placed the Uchiha in a deep sleep—a sleep his body desperately needed. But she also wondered if he were sick, which was why his body was so eager for the rest. So she watched his even breathing for another hour or two, but then her empty stomach began to growl.

Now, as she led Sasuke through the maze, she desperately wished she were leading him to some big discovery, or some secret she had found. This was what she had wanted, and now felt disappointed because she was missing out on the chance to do so. Sakura supposed it made sense that if Sasuke hadn't found anything, she wouldn’t have had much of a chance either. Hehadbeen doing this for quite a while.

So she was going to pretend that none of it had happened. It was far less embarrassing to act as if she hadn't searched at all than to admit she hadand didn’t find anything. She sighed.

"I've never slept that long at one time," Sasuke admitted curiously to her, which was unlike himself. He never admitted to anything at all, let alone force it to sound somewhat sorry for it. Was he suspicious of her actions. There’s no way, she thought to herself.

Sakura forced out an innocent laugh. "It's a good thing to catch up on some much-needed rest. Take it as advice from your doctor."

The Uchiha scoffed but didn’t say anything else after that, even though Sakura could feel his scowling stare between her shoulder blades. She just kept marching.

When they finally made it to the cave, Sasuke turned back towards the tower's hidden door, firmly snuffed out the torch, and replaced it back in its hidden position behind the door's frame.

The sudden blackness around them afterwards was suffocating, but when she felt Sasuke's fingertips brush her elbow—in the same way that her own had reached for his over and over—Sakura let her smile break the seam of her own lips. It was short-lived, because Sakura froze when her eyes adjusted enough to make out Sasuke's Sharingan—which almost seemed to glow in the darkness—watching that smile. She knew the Uchiha had seen when he withdrew his fingers. She regretted the smile, then.

"Come on," he said emotionlessly, walking ahead of her in the gloom. This time, he didn’t grab her arm or help her stumble her way out as he had helped her when they had first come upon the cave yesterday.

There was no wind that hit them when they finally walked into the light, but rather a brightness that was dead and airless. It didn’t fill Sakura with the warmth that she had instinctively expected it to.

Sasuke finally spoke, announcing, “We need to make it back to the same spot in which we teleported.”

Sakura snapped her head in his direction, “What for?” That would mean they would have to trek for several more hours.

“It is much easier to connect a vast time-space if you teleport through a door that was previously opened before,” Sasuke explained, running his palm through his hair. “It’s almost like once there is a rip in space, it leaves a wound that can be reopened.”

He was speaking in a language that Sakura could easily understand, being a medical ninja. If the skin has been recently penetrated, it is easy to reopen. But once the skin scars, it becomes stronger than before.

“But then,” Sakura assessed, “if too much time has passed…”

“Exactly,” Sasuke confirmed her thinking. “The seal becomes almost permanent. It would take a vast amount of chakra to break back through it again.”

“Makes sense,” she replied, shuffling her feet in the dirt. “It’s a lot more complicated than I had imagined.”

Sasuke nodded, took a breath, and took the first step of their lengthy hike across the dunes.

Sakura observed his fixed posture and confident step, but the dark-haired ninja wasn’t fooling her. She knew he was trying to figure out how to get them home without completely draining himself of chakra. But there was something she hadn’t yet considered.

Catching up with him, she leaned forward and asked, “If we go back to the hotel, won’t we be walking back into an uncertain situation? I mean, those ninja could be waiting for us.”

“Perhaps,” Sasuke admitted. “Hopefully enough time has passed for them to have moved on, and they might not be expecting us to return there. But you are right. We need a plan.”

Suddenly, an idea began to form within Sakura’s mind. She halted in her tracks, a bit of dust rising around her, and said, “I have one.”

Stopping too, Sasuke raised an eyebrow at her. He was waiting for her to explain, which was a nostalgic feeling for Sakura. He was listening to her again, like he had when they were genin—taking her opinions into consideration and contemplating her viewpoints.

“What if I helped you,” she announced hopefully, “like I offered before.” If she used The Hundred’s Healing Mark, then they might have enough chakra where they didn’t have to make the journey.

“Absolutely not,” Sasuke deadpanned, instantly turning off his reception of her by rotating away again.

Sakura set her teeth in fury and frustration, but she didn’t move her body an inch. Her plan made the most sense! Sasuke was low in chakra while shehad been slowly storing a mass amount of it in the seal on her forehead. If she let Sasuke rely on his power alone, then they were forced to use their previous door because it took the least amount of chakra to access. By doing so, their location would undoubtedly put them at a disadvantage if their foes were still occupying that space around the hotel. And it would leave Sasuke vulnerable if his power was back at zero.

She didn’t really understand why Sasuke was saying no to this. He had slept for 24 hours just so they wouldn’t have to rely on her Strength of a Hundred Seal. Whether it was because he was being noble or something else, Sakura didn’t care. If she let him use up his chakra, how was she any better?

Sakura Haruno glared at Sasuke’s back. She was quite tired of seeing it—seeing him leading the way before her. As a kunoichi, Sakura thought she had proven herself—was going to walk shoulder-to-shoulder with Naruto and Sasuke from now on. But there he was, marking the path ahead.

No more. No more.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

There was a sudden wind that brushed the back of Sasuke’s neck and he felt a silent roar of chakra spread across the range of ground behind him. He turned, taken aback and clenched his teeth in surprised irritation at the teammate whose beaming grin glowed as brightly as the tangible chakra emanating from her body.

Those searing, bright green eyes were directed towards the sky as she flexed her hands—open, close—open, close. Sasuke followed her gaze when it fell to the black marks running from her palms, up her shoulders, and to the crisscross “x” on her brow. Then her eyes landed on him.

Sasuke had to admit that the kunoichi was honestly quite brilliant to look at like that: rejuvenated by and delighting in her own power—feeling it electrify and exhilarate her as it began coursing down the pathways. But his annoyance with her focused his mind and Sasuke glowered in response.

She was defying his wishes and purposely breaking the seal to force him into a decision. Sasuke didn’t quite appreciate that, but was he going to waste this opportunity? Yes, he was. He would prove to her once and for all that he was changing. That he was done using people.

She began to walk towards him, and Sasuke didn’t break their mutual stare, hers one of mighty determination and his an icy challenge. He’d be damned—damned if he used her power.

Coming to stand before him, in all her strength, Sasuke broke her gaze to focus on that glowing purple diamond in the center of that large temple of hers. Everything about it was so… so… “annoying.” It came out as a stuttering hiss.

She grinned wickedly at the word and reached out, taking his hand firmly in her own. Her grip was so firm that Sasuke couldn’t jerk away this time. He found himself glowering viciously, all amusement gone from his red and purple eyes.

“You are annoying,” she said softly, letting her chakra graze against his skin in silent offering. “Let me help you. Quit being so damn stubborn.”

Sasuke set his teeth again. He almost said no, without giving her any further explanation, but then Sakura spoke again, as if their linked hands were somehow transferring his thoughts to her. “Relying upon your friends is not the same as using them. Let us work together so that we can complement one another’s weaknesses with our strengths. Become each other’s balance.”

Sasuke stared at this woman who was offering him a partnership that depended on one another—like they had had in the past. It had existed between them before—that bond of friendship that seemed to connect the two of them not only in ability, but emotions as well. He had tried to sever that type of partnership with her before. If he did this, would he be letting her in? Would he be acknowledging that bond of comradery between them? What if he let her in and then she was taken away from him? What would that do to him, them, by working together now?

“Open the portal.”

Another minute of hesitation. His jaw loosened and Sasuke took a nervous breath as he replayed her words over and over.

Relying upon your friends is not the same as using them.

Let us work together.

Become each other’s balance.

“It’s okay,” she reassured him. “Open it.”

Sasuke’s tilted his head so that his hair fell away from the Rinnegan. His breathing turned shallow as he finally conceded and a black pinprick in the air around them began to expand. A sudden rush of energy flowed into his veins as black stripes began to spiral slowly up his arms. He looked at his teammate in amazement—at their joined hands now being wrapped together with bands of black chakra. It almost looked like they were being tied together.

When the markings reached his neck and crawled up his chin, Sasuke inhaled sharply, as if he were getting his first full gulp of fresh air since being in this damn place. His exhausted body welcomed the chakra, feasting on it as it had back in the tower. He flinched in self-repulsion, but Sakura breathed hard and directed more of her power into him. Where his body begged, her chakra was there to instantly feed it.

When the strips of charcoal reached his own forehead, Sasuke focused intently on the portal. It jumped in response to Sakura’s chakra, flaring and expanding large enough to finally walk through. He glanced back at her and noticed a sheen now coating her own forehead. That’s when Sasuke suddenly realized what she was doing.

The justu demanded chakra and she was acting as a direct current, bypassing Sasuke’s chakra entirely, not allowing any of his energy to be used, but hers only. She was sending it all—every bit of her own chakra to back the jutsu.

Now in a sudden panic, Sasuke breathed “Stop. That’s enough.”

Sakura’s green eyes became unfocussed and her heartbeat quickened rapidly. Her breathing came in sharp inhales and exhales.

Yelling now, he warned, “Sakura! I said stop!” She wouldn’t let go of his hand.

Sakura wasn’t listening to him. She was dedicating her entire focus to the jutsu. Sasuke did the only thing he could think to do. He wrapped his fingers up and around the wrist of her clasping hand and pulled them through the portal.

#sasusaku #approachingsun #ssfanfiction #sasusakufanfiction #sasukeshinden #sasuke and sakura #sakura hiden #Sakura Haruno #sakura uchiha #sasuke #sakura #Sasuke Uchiha #Naruto Shippuden #naruto #naruto fanfiction

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dpdoggie · 6 years

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Some Symptoms of my DPD

These are some symptoms of my DPD (dependent personality disorder). Not everyone with DPD may have these same symptoms but I thought I’d share since it is hard to find info on us. Also when researching DPD make sure you search co-dependency. I’m going to number these for later reference so I don’t have to retype.

1. Not wanting to eat alone or until I’ve had some sort of social interaction or the hope of social interaction after eating.

2. Sleeping in my parent’s bed until I was locked out the room on a nightly basis (I slept in the room until I was about 9 years old or so.) I continued to check to see if the door was locked every night for about a month.

3. Would sometimes scream in the middle of the night in hopes that someone would come to check on me so I knew if I was in trouble I would be safe

4. Would always want my mother’s attention when she was talking to someone else.

5. Feeling anxious and scared when alone, and not expecting anyone to be around for longer than a day. This would often lead to panic attacks as soon as they’d leave.

6. Feeling like I was alone and therefore had no reason to be alive because my friends couldn’t physically be around me everyday.

7. Sometimes not wanting to figure things out because I knew others would help me.

8. Instinctually asking certain people (people I regularly depended on and saw as capable) just about anything because I always expected them to know something I didn’t.

9. Not even thinking about what I would want for myself when given a choice but instead what others would expect me to want or what others would say I should do.

10. Literally feeling the solitude of being the only person in the world and therefore not having a reason to anything let alone breathe or use the bathroom because other’s weren’t around.

11. “If I can’t help this person then why am I even alive? I’m a waste of space and a terrible human being.”

12. As a child I would sometimes just fake being sick. No even to get out of school but just to know that if I were to be sick that I would be taken care of.

13. I used to hug my mother upwards from 80 to maybe a couple hundred times a day. I would literally feel empty and anxious if I wasn’t hugging her. It’s like having a million spiders crawling on your body and knowing they’re there but having to resist the urge to brush them off of you. That’s how I would explain the anxiety.

14. “I’m alone. No one is around to know if I’m alive or not. So I might as well be dead. Why am I even moving. What’s the point if no one knows.”

15. Having an opinion that I believe in and know it’s right because of research I have done but not calling out an authority figure because “I don’t want everyone to hate me. Everyone will hate me and I’ll embarrass myself because I’m probably wrong anyway.” Also note that an authority figure doesn’t have to actually be an authority figure but can literally just be anyone that I’ve assumed to be more capable, popular, or admired than me.

16. Only doing my homework and school work with the hopes that I can be useful to my friends who didn’t do there work. Or not doing my work because I assume my friends will help me.

17. Motivation?? For myself?? Doing things because I want them done? Lol. More like, “I’ll take care of this thing so that it doesn’t bother this person in case they happen to come by it.” or “I’m doing this project because otherwise my teacher will be disappointed in me and I want them to like me.” or “My dad just told me to eat so I need to eat because he wants me to.” or “People need this so even though it comes as sacrifice to myself I have to do it. I need to. It’s my job. If I don’t I’m an awful disgusting waste of space.”

18. Doing something for myself and solely for myself, by myself makes me feel so horrible that I want to cry and self harm. It makes me feel more useless than empowered because I am so grossly aware of the amount of energy it took up for me just to do this one things and how can I live like this? It should be simple? Right? But it isn’t. It takes so much out of me and I don’t know why.

Co-morbidity with BPD

Those are some examples, I may add more later. But now let’s go through some things. DPD is often co-morbid with BPD. I haven’t seen a case of someone who have DPD who doesn’t at least have traits of BPD.

Note the black and white thinking in 17, 14, and 11. There are also traits of self-splitting in those. Note the general dependency of social interaction for means of value.

Now think of other things like impulsively putting yourself in unsafe and generally not good situations when around others that you depend on because you know someone will either talk you out of it or tell you that it’s not safe. You do this because being reminded that other’s will take care of you is one of the only ways you actually feel safe and worthy of value.

Lack of impulse control is a key characteristic of BPD. That coupled with traits of DPD can result things like what I mentioned in the passage above.

It can also result in a impulse to self harm when alone.

The addictive personality trait of BPD when co-morbid with DPD can also result in things like:

- addiction to online communities because of validation and being able to almost always talk to or interact with any of your online friends

- addiction to pseudo social interaction like Youtube videos. - I used to marathon from the time I woke up to the time I fell asleep hour long live streams of my favorite Youtubers just because it helped me from feeling like I was alone. I would eat because of them, I would have the energy to take of things I needed because of them, I would finally go eat or go to the bathroom because of them.

- the people you have come to rely on and want to be dependent on are also your FPs (people who your emotional stability is highly dependent on and who you want to be around all the time and receive constant attention form. People who you would literally sacrifice and do anything for because you tie your reason to being alive to them. Whether they are actually good people or not you are likely to be believe they are and split (or suddenly hate) anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.)

- “I need you.”

Causes of DPD

Let’s talk about some causes of DPD. There are probably more than what I will mention here but DPD is something that is not heavily researched. It’s an old personality disorder but many professionals barely know what it is. I’m guess because it’s just not “edgy” or “interesting” (sensationalized) enough.

But one cause can be being often physically ill as child. I for example had severe asthma from birth to about 3 years old. From a young age my brain was trained to associate others actively keeping me alive with my ability to be alive. Yes, I know that many infants are aware that they would not be alive without care-givers but the difference here is that I was regularly on the verge of death. I was only ever brought back to not having my life in danger because of the interference of others and the attention that others needed to give me. I still had pretty bad asthma until about the age of 7 but I was in the hospital about 11 times a year form birth to 3 years old. They even diagnosed me at about 10 months of age because of how severe it was (when they typically don’t diagnose you with asthma until about 4 years old.)

Another cause of DPD can also be growing with a narcissistic abuser. You are only alive because of them and they remind you of this constantly to the point of which you are afraid of doing things without them being there. They have convinced you, that you are not capable on your own and that you need them to survive. Without them you will die or your life will fall apart.

Anyway, please do more research on DPD it is greatly neglected by the psych community.

#dpd #dependent personality disorder #actually dependent #actually dpd #actuallydependent #pd #personality disorder #psychology #mental health #bpd #borderline personality disorder #actually borderline #actually bpd #depression #impulse control #health #symptoms #research #clow speaks

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fictionalarsonist · 6 years

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exo_baekhyun | HOAX pt. 7

Hoax_ to trick into believing or accepting as genuine something false and often preposterous.

Requested by anon

pairing: baekhyun ⨯ reader (gender neutral) ⨯ chanyeol feat. jongdae, minseok, yixing, suho, sehun, jongin. kris (wu yifan) content: angst, fluff, slice of life, gang au, high school au, some mature language, smoking, drinking, violence, blood, cheating rating: PG-13 type: fanfic, series word count: 2.5K

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… As it has been said in a song series 04. “Well, isn’t this exactly where you like me? I am exactly where you like me, you know” - But It’s Better If You Do - P!atD

a/n: i had some trouble editing this one, so it became this short.

「 mobile m.list | desktop m.list | ask/request 」

You couldn’t really understand these stupid butterflies in your stomach or the way you heart tripped on itself before falling into a dangerous unsteady rhythm. This is Chanyeol, the same Chanyeol you studied with the whole year, so why?

“Y/n, even if it’s just for today...”, he blew out the air trapped in lungs, “Please, go out with me… On a date”, the last word comes out more or less strangled and hesitant

Chanyeol doesn’t look nearly as nervous and anxious as he really is, but he can’t even think about taking a bite or drinking any of these things he ordered because of the way his stomach is turning. What he hopes for and what he sees coming are two different things and he braces himself for the worst.

You want to say something, but your words are caught up in your throat because Baekhyun’s face crosses your mind. You don’t wanna do something wrong and you don’t want to stop whatever is going on between you and Baekhyun. It became clear to you there are times when you really need Baekhyun and you know Chanyeol can’t do the same.

Whatever there is between you and him is a secret only for the two of you, otherwise it’d hurt your image and probably cause damage in this future you’re looking into, it doesn’t come as a surprise the thought that Baekhyun most definitely doesn’t fit in this future of yours any more than he fits in your life now.

“You-- You don’t need to say yes”, Chanyeol stutters, “Maybe we should try meeting the others, I’m sure they’re shopping somewhere--”, he tries, worried about the short silence

The thoughts that floods your mind caused you to become speechless, pondering between lines that goes far beyond the usual what you want to say and what you should. It’s only a few seconds, but it’s enough for Chanyeol to read your unsaid answer as what he feared the most.

“I’ll pay for these”, he tries a weak smile, ignoring the way his heart sinks to his stomach, leaving a bitter taste on his tongue, “It’s my treat”

“N-No, wait. Chanyeol--”, your force your voice to push its way out of your throat and it comes sounding something akin to whisper as he stands up

“Y/n, I understand”, you can feel your heart breaking by the way he smiles at you sweetly in comprehension, “Don’t worry”

His hands tremble as he pulls away and leaves you sitting there, lost in your own thoughts. ‘A date’- you think to yourself. The times you went out with Baekhyun, you never even thought of it as a date, even though they could look like it. There was sweet and thrilling moments, but you never associated them with romance. You were never nervous about meeting Baekhyun, not even when you escaped from your parents in the middle of the night to meet him, but just the thought of going on a date with Chanyeol makes you feel nervous enough to feel like fidgeting.

Chanyeol is much different than Baekhyun, he fits perfectly. With your friends, in this life you have now, you can picture being with him anywhere, introducing him with anyone without worrying about being pulled back by uncommon issues. Not just that, but he understand you because he has the same worries and same struggles, he could easily fit into tomorrow’s you, this future you’re chasing so desperately.

His only problem is not being able to lent you wings, he can walk beside you in the light instead of sneaking in the darkness. He can hold your hand tight and help you get through your struggles, but he’s so attached to the ground, much like yourself, that he can’t show you an illusory alternative whenever reality becomes too much.

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When the two of you walk out of the coffee shop neither says a word and soon the two of you are just two other people in the middle of a crowd of tourist. You don’t mind about your drink getting cold in your hands, looking down at your feet while walking straight without really paying attention to where you’re going.

“Y/n--”, you raise your head and find Chanyeol’s painful eyes looking at you and even now you’re battling your thoughts, “You don’t need to push yourself”, he explains and you wonder how can he be so calm when he’s so obviously hurt, “We can be just friends like we were before”, he suggest with his adorable smile that contrasts greatly with his eyes, “Don’t overthink”

“Chanyeol--”

You stop and don’t mind the people walking around the two of you, he stops too and turns to look at you, paying close attention to your eyes and whatever he sees there changes that soreful look in his to something bittersweet, but so concealed you can’t read.

“Can I give you answer tomorrow?”

“You don’t really need to--”

“I want to”, you insist firmly, “I want to give you a proper answer and I want to be sure--”, you stop talking before you’d say anything you couldn’t take back

Chanyeol sighs and looks down, blinking a couple times. He tries to battle the dumb hope that tingles him everywhere and tries to convince stop from growing any more than that, but once he looks up at you it’s game over. He knows damn well he’ll be regretting this when the time comes.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

This is something you have to decide on your own, you can’t ask anyone’s opinion and you come across multiple possible outcomes, but this isn’t a multiple answer kind of situation. Theoretically, this should be simple. If you put on the balance what you feel for Chanyeol opposed to what you feel about Baekhyun, it’s pretty obvious. But, then again, the privileges you might lose is not something you want to risk.

Whichever of them you choose, you’ll be losing things you’re not willing to and, if you think about Chanyeol. The thought of hurting him yet again after this afternoon… It unexpectedly hurts you too. You were so close to just forget everything else and say something that you know you’d regret the very next moment. With a deep sigh you lean on the railing of you room’s balcony, staring blankly at the beautiful lights from the small city not too far from the hotel.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” You look at your friend as she takes a spot next to you.

“Chanyeol asked me on a date today”

“I know”, you look at her sideways and try kicking her playfully.

“Then why’re you asking?” You whine

“What I want to know is why you said no!” She throws her hands in the air in exasperation. “Do you like anyone else?”

“What? No!”

“Then, why?” She mocks your annoyed tone, you sigh

“It’s… complicated”

“What? College? These crazy ass responsibility you carrying? What?”

“Yeah, that too”

“What else, then?” Now she seems genuinely annoyed, “I heard the boys talking during dinner. The reason why Chanyeol stopped going to practice was because he wanted to get a high score… because of you! He practices basketball alone for the team because he doesn’t want to disappoint you. What else do you want? He really likes you!”

“But...”

“What now?” You sigh tiredly, rolling your eyes at the thought without realizing

“Of course not”

And it’s not until you’re sitting on the chair at one of the corners that a faint remembrance of Baekhyun crosses your mind. Nothing that bugs you or makes you regret or take back what you said, but it’s there, like a ghost. You friend crosses her arms,seeing you getting lost in thoughts.

“Alright”, she says more to herself than to you, “As long as you keep in mind that it’s just a date”, she shrugs, “Y/n, he’s not asking you to marry him or anything. We’re here to make good memories, anyway.”

“I know”, your distant reply makes her sight and walk away.

You stare at the city lights in the distance again. Baekhyun, why are you holding yourself back because of him? - The thought surges at some corner of your mind and another wakes you from swirling into your own mind.

“When did I started looking past Baekhyun’s feelings?” - You ask yourself, surprise by the coldness of your heart in doing it so smoothly. Where you aware of it all the time? Where you fooling yourself? You know he didn’t notice, or did he? - You gulp down, pulling your legs to your chest and leaning your forehead on your knees.

It’s no like any of you promised anything to the other. Boyfriend, friend, classmate, acquittance. Nothing fits Baekhyun. He’s just… Someone, but at the same time he’s more than just that. How about him? What does he think of you? You never cared and, in all honest, it’s not that you really care right now. Even right now your only hesitation is the fear of losing what only him can allow you to have.

You don’t like this. This pressure for answer, this agony of making a decision, you don’t like it. Problem is, you can’t count with anyone to help you, to distract you, to understand you.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

The next morning you wake up too late to have breakfast with the others, your friend left you a note letting you know that they decided to go to another town nearby that supposed to have some kind of attraction going on, she also wrote: “--the team’s captain is going to monitor everyone. Enjoy your day without worrying about everyone!”

“Why didn’t they woke me up?” You mutter to yourself, looking at the memo sticking on the bathroom mirror.

You proceed with your daily routine after throwing the post-it on the trash can and, once you’re ready, you decide to look for breakfast elsewhere since the hotel is no longer serving it at this time of the day. Somehow you find your way to the same coffee shop you met Chanyeol the day before and when you look around for a table, you see Chanyeol at a corner by himself.

You find yourself walking up to him while he’s distracted, typing something on his phone. You’re not so sure of it yet and you’re not certain if you should approach him now or not, but before you notice you’re right beside him.

“Mind if I join you?”

Chanyeol frowns when he looks up at you, surprised, you notice, and instead of anything he places his phone aside while signaling with his other hand that you’re welcomed to take the empty seat in front of him. The waitress comes with Chanyeol’s order and you ask for a cappuccino before she leaves.

“I thought you’d be with the others”

“There’s nothing I wanna see there. Every year is the same”, he shrugs

“You’ve been around here a lot, then”

“My family is friends with Kris’ family. We’ve spent holidays together a lot since we were kids. But… Why-- Why didn’t you go?” He blinks a little dumbfounded, “I thought you’d be with them”

You notice him fidgeting with his nails, but when you look at him he’s not looking back at you.

“To be honest, I overslept”, you explain faintly and there’s a small pause that none of you says anything, so you decide to speak up first, “But… If you thought I went, why didn’t you go?” His head snap, his eyes opens wider than usual, “I said I’ll tell you something today--”, you tilt your head a little, “Maybe… Did you thought I was lying?”

“Wha-- No!”

Chanyeol jolts back on the chair and his sudden exasperation calls a little too much a attention to the two of you. You look around and he does soon after, embarrassed, he apologizes before speaking to you again in a more calm tone.

“Absolutely not! I really… No, way--”, offer him a small smile

“I’m just kidding”, he sighs in relief while smiling back at you and you sip on the hot drink

“It’s nice if you’re going there for the first time, y’know”, he speaks out of a sudden.

“Huh?”

“The festival at that city--”, he mentions, waving his hand at a certain direction, “You’d probably like”

Your eyes meet his and you understand what you’ve been debating yourself over and over the whole night is useless. Somehow you knew it’d come to the same answer at the end. It’s okay, this isn’t wrong. Baekhyun didn’t make you feel the way you do with Chanyeol, he does make your heart beat fast, but clearly for completely different reasons, he doesn’t make you feel those stupid butterflies in your stomach. This is fine. This is what you should have, Chanyeol fits you perfectly and you really like him - maybe it could end up being love, who knows? - With Chanyeol you don’t need to sneak and hide, you don’t need excuses to set boundaries between the two of you. With him there’s no pretend.

“Would you take me there, then?” He blinks, leaning forward, “On a date”

It’s the first time you see someone’s eyes lit up like that and your smile grows wider as he smiles with you, you just can’t hold back. You never felt so nervous before, his hands are trembling when he holds yours as the two of you walk out of the coffee shop.

“We may run into the others there”, Chanyeols mentions as the two of you walk the way back to the hotel and when you look at him you find his eyes already on you, inquiring, “Is it alright?”

You tilt your head with a slight pout, looking ahead for a while before looking back at him. The sound of your shoes on the stones asphalt under your feet and the rather quietness of this late morning is so much better now that the two of you are together.

“I don’t see a problem”, you mutter, still wearing that small pout of yours, “Why? You don’t want to?” His lips stretch in a small smile, but soon his smile grows wider as he shakes his head

“I was just worried you wouldn’t want them to know, that’s all.”

With a smile you wrap one of your arms around his, walking closer to him as his hand still holds yours firmly, despite his sweaty palm. He tried to pull away before, he wiped the sweat off his hands before, but it’s not like you’re sensible or grossed by something like that when you’ve been surrounded by sweaty boys for three years already in that basketball club. It has it’s romantic touch to it, if you think about it, he’s that nervous because he feels the same about you, he likes you the same.

“I don’t see a reason for that”

“I’m glad”, he replies, intertwining his fingers with yours.

You know fairly well the two of you look silly, stealing glances and smiling at each other like that. You don’t mind, neither does Chanyeol.

⇽ part 6 | part 8 ⇾

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seaside-stories · 3 years

Text

Don’t Fall-- Chapter 4

Welcome to chapter 4 of Don’t fall--!! This is another short chapter :( I think the next chapter is a bit longer (dont want to be too repetitive but I also dont want it to be over so fast). Word Count: ~900 | Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Stephen Strange| Link to ao3

7.00 AM. May 7th, 2021.

Peter awoke and shut off his alarm. He decided to start formulating some plans. Hopefully he would be able to get himself out of this mess without needing to ask for help.

Peter left his phone on his bed and sat at his desk, his notebook open, pencil poised. He started writing.

What he came up with were some plans for a device that would be able to check surrounding timelines to see if any Alternate Peters made it to Saturday. But, Peter would need help with this. Namely the part where he actually had to make it work. Because it was a glorious idea on paper, but he wasn’t sure if he could make it work.

But, before he started on anything, he realized that he needed to assess what had happened right before he woke up on the First Friday.

Well, he had been asleep.

Before that, he had been texting with Ned and scrolling on Twitter. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing he could pinpoint.

Peter suddenly realized that he had no idea how to see into other timelines at all. There was nothing with that sort of power, barring whatever got him in this situation.

There was a knock on the door. Peter jumped.

“Yes?” he said, once he regained his composure. Tony cracked the door open.

“Hey there. It’s nearly 7.50. I thought you should be gone by now.” Tony said, looking at his watch.

7.50? Already? Peter thought.

“I’m not really feeling school today,” Peter said, hoping it would work like yesterday. Lucky for him, Tony nodded, considering this.

“Okay, sounds good,” he said. “But you owe me at least an hour of lab time.”

“You got it,” Peter assured him.

A few minutes later Peter had drawn up some basic plans for the plastic parts. The more difficult part was the inside, but he figured he could give himself a break for breakfast. So he did. Peter went out to the kitchen. Since he was late to school, he had missed the chance to grab toast off of Tony’s plate. He guessed he would have to find something for himself. Luckily, there was a fruit bowl with a ton of ripe fruit in it. Peter grabbed a pear and headed down to the lab.

Tony looked up and gave Peter a little wave when he entered. Peter sat down on a chair diagonal from him.

“Hey Tony,” Peter began. He figured if he never asked he couldn’t know: “Is there anything that could help someone see into other timelines or something?”

Tony looked up from his work again. He stared at the wall for a moment or two.

“This is why you’re sitting right here; you can ask questions that will stump even me,” Tony told Peter. “I’m sure someone knows.” He almost went back to his project before remembering something.

“Hey, actually, that wizard dude might know something about something. Why don’t you find his number and ask,” Tony suggested.

“Call up some random wizard and ask him a question?” Peter asked, a bit incredulous. “No thanks, I choose life.”

“Relax, kid, he’s not evil. He’s just a wizard,” Tony said. “Here, I’ll even find his number for you. FRIDAY, find the wizard’s number and send it to Peter’s phone.”

“Sure thing, Boss,” FRIDAY said. “This may take a while, though.”

It did take a little while. By the time FRIDAY had found Dr. Strange’s phone number, Peter was almost done with the hardware for the device. Peter’s phone gave a little beep when he got the notification.

“Oh, great,” Tony noticed. “Now call him and ask.”

Peter was a little reluctant but eventually agreed when Tony assured him that he would be there on speaker with him.

“Hello? Who is this?” came a gruff voice from inside the phone.

“Uh...hello,” Peter tried. “This is, uh, Spiderman? I have a question for you…”

“Oh, I remember you. What’s your question?”

“Is there anything that can see across timelines? Or help you see across timelines?”

“I was afraid you’d ask that. I think I may have a solution for you. Unfortunately, I’m busy right now. But I should be able to come over this evening. Is that okay?”

Peter realized Dr. Strange was aware of his situation. And he was offering help. Why didn’t he just ask for help before?

“Yes, that’s great. Thank you,” Peter said.

“Great.” Dr. Strange said before hanging up.

“What was that all about?” Tony asked.

“Oh, nothing…” Peter said.

During the call it had flipped over to the afternoon, so Peter and Tony broke for lunch. They decided to get burgers from Shake Shack (and shakes because how could you not get a shake from Shake Shack) before getting back to work. Peter had decided to abandon his project and elected to help Tony with his.

Peter was a bit distracted, though. He could not wait for Dr. Strange to arrive. This was his fourth Friday. He was ready for it to be Saturday. Alas, time passed as slowly as it usually did. He did find solace in dinner, though.

Tony suggested pizza and Peter allowed it, figuring that what he ate could not affect anything at all. After dinner, they layed on the couch and watched a John Mulaney special.

And after a while, it grew late. And Peter grew tired. So tired in fact, that he fell--

“I’m coming out of my cage, and I’ve been doing just fine…”

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

#fanfic #marvel fic #peter parker #tony stark #stephen strange #irondad and spiderson

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smuttyfairy · 6 years

Text

Adrenaline (3)

Description: Baekhyun is your brother Jongdae’s friend, who you became friends with a long time ago as well. You got accepted in a school five years ago and you’re finally coming back. However, not everyone can exactly handle the changes you’ve gone through.

Genre: Fluff / slight smut / smut in next part

Word Count: 2,416

Warnings: Sexual Themes / almost oral sex i don’t know okay

Pairing: Byun Baekhyun x Reader feat. Jongdae

Author: Admin Xiufairy ㅅㅇㅅ

Xiufairy’s Masterlist

“No. Absolutely not, no.” Jongdae shook his head. “You are not dating my sister. I don’t care how either of you feel, the idea of you by or near my sister literally might give me a heart attack.”

“Jongdae, come on.” Baekhyun ran his fingers through his hair. “You know how I feel about her.”

“And I also see the way you look at her like she’s a piece of meat, the answer’s no, Baek, I’m sorry.” Jongdae seemed to be holding his ground but Baekhyun was damn certain his friend would back down eventually.

“I don’t look at her like that -”

“All you do is look at her legs and you look at her ass when she’s walking away. In front of me! What’s wrong with you?” Jongdae whined. “That’s my sister, Baekhyun.”

“And you’d rather her end up with someone who would just use her for her body? Is that it? You want her with a complete stranger instead of someone you know will take care of her?” Baekhyun said it fast, actually losing hope of the idea of Jongdae approving of the two of you. Baekhyun wanted to take you on dates and love you to the best of his ability but he couldn’t go behind Jongdae’s back.

“And you won’t?”

“Won’t what?”

“Use her for her body?” Jongdae narrowed his eyes. Baekhyun recoiled a bit, more than offended by the insinuation.

“Are you serious right now?” Baekhyun scoffed, shaking his head. “If that were the case, I already would’ve fucked her, Jongdae.” He saw Jongdae cringe at the word, the small, intimidating glare in his eye.

“I’ll make a deal with you.” Jongdae began, a frown overtaking his face.

“About dating your sister?” Baekhyun narrowed his eyes.

“Yes. You can date her only if you take her out for three months. She doesn’t stay at your house overnight and you don’t stay here. If you can go three months without having sex with her, you have my blessing.” Jongdae was actually shocking Baekhyun. Since when did he need your brother’s permission to date you? You were twenty years old, you’d said it yourself.

“Deal.” Baekhyun said without hesitation. “I’d do anything, Jongdae.”

“Don’t make me regret this, Baekhyun.”

He took you out for a month before he began to have trouble. It was late one night, the two of you had gone out to the bar. Your dress fit you well and he had trouble keeping his hands off of you. His hand was constantly on your hip, leading you through crowds of people.

You were dancing with him, your hips swaying effortlessly against his. He groaned, burying his head in your neck and gently nipping at the skin. He was sexually frustrated because of you and he was damn shirt you could feel him digging into the small of your back. You turned to face him, leaning up to say something in his ear.

“Take me home, Baekhyun.” Your sweet voice invaded his ears and the breath caught in his throat.

“I-I can’t.” He whined, more to himself than to you.

“Yes you can,” you whispered, grinding your hips into his, “I can feel how hard you are, all you have to do is take me home with you. I’ll do the work if you want me to.”

“That’s not it...I definitely am capable of taking you home, but I can’t. I promised.”

“Jongdae again?” You groaned. “Baek, who gives a fuck about him? If you really like me like you say you do then prove it, damn it!” You moved away from him and bolted. Not only was he left with an awkward boner, but he had to shove his way through people to find you.

When he found you, you were sitting alone at the bar. He quickly approached you and put his hand on your shoulder. You looked up at him sadly.

“What do you want?” You asked.

“I want you to smile at me, princess.” He cupped your cheek with his hand. “Do you want to know why I said no?”

“It’s because of stupid Jongdae and your loyalty to stupid Jongdae, but what about me? What about your loyalty t-”

“He said if I didn’t make a move on you for three months that he’d let me date you.” Baekhyun said. “There’s two more months and I’d love for you to be in my bed tonight but if you want this to work, you can’t be.”

“Why do you listen to him so much?” You asked him with a sigh, shaking your head. “He’s always been like that.”

“Soon, love, okay?” He made you look at him. “I’ll make it worth the wait.” He kissed your forehead but he could still feel the disappointment. He didn’t understand why sex was so important to you.

“I’m sorry I’m making it difficult for you.” You frowned.

“Don’t worry about it, let’s get you home.” He helped you stand. “He’ll freak out if you’re home too late.”

The silence was deafening as he led you to his car. He racked his brain in an attempt to figure out why this was so important to you. What about sex was so important? He sighed, shaking his head.

“What’s wrong?” You asked him. He felt his heart sink into his stomach because he knew something was wrong.

“Why is sex so important?” He replied, not looking at you. “Not that I think it’s a bad thing that you want to have sex, but do you really want this because of me? Or is it something you think you have to do?”

You didn’t answer, but that gave him an answer just the same. Something or someone had told you that sex meant something other than what it was. He swallowed down the anger he felt at whoever had told you that.

“You don’t have to do anything, (Y/N), no matter what happens, I’m going to love you just the same as I do now. With or without sex, because that’s not -”

He stopped mid-sentence when he heard your sniffle. He flinched, taking one of his hands off the wheel and grabbing yours.

“Don’t cry.” He whispered. “Please don’t cry. Do you want to stay with me tonight? I don’t care about Jongdae or his approval anymore. I can’t send you home like this.”

You nodded a little and Baekhyun quickly pulled into a parking lot to turn around. He stopped for a second, texting Jongdae and telling him that you wouldn’t be home tonight, that he didn’t care about his stupid bet because you needed emotional support and if you staying at his place was a problem then Jongdae could suck a dick.

Jongdae tried to call him multiple times but Baekhyun ignored every single one of them. He ignored the angry texts; all he cared about was how tightly you gripped his hand, how he still heard the sniffles.

Once the two of you arrived at his apartment, he led you straight to his bedroom. He handed you a t-shirt and kissed the top of your head. The truth was out and there was no rush for sex. He was aware that it would come naturally, and you...you were still learning that.

He turned his back to you and changed as well. Soon after he slid his pajama pants on, he felt your hands wrap around his waist. He turned around to face you, his own hands finding your hips.

“You don’t have to prove anything to me, okay?” He gave you a soft smile. “Nothing’s going to change how I feel about you.”

“What about Jongdae?” Your eyes were red from crying and he used his thumbs to wipe away the tears that fell.

“You think I’m going to listen to him when you need me?” Baekhyun scoffed. “I don’t care about his approval if I don’t have yours.”

“You’ll always have mine.” You smiled at him and your tear-filled eyes lit up and his heart skipped a beat. He had no idea how it happened, how it began, but he was falling in love with you like he was diving head first into an ocean full of sharks. It was dangerous and scary but he’d do anything for you.

“Tell me what happened.” He brushed your hair behind your ear. “Please, I just want to help you.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” You told him with a nod. “There’s nothing either of us can do about the past, let’s just move forward.”

“What did you think was happening when I told you no?” Baekhyun sighed. “Did you think that meant that I didn’t love you? That I didn’t want you?” Your smile faltered.

You gave him another nod.

“No, no, please never think that, okay?” He cupped your cheeks with his hands and made you look at him. “That first night? You were drunk off your ass, I didn’t even think that you’d remember it. I could never do that to you, you know that, right? And today? That stupid deal I made with Jongdae. I want sex to happen naturally, not because you think we have to to prove our love for each other, okay?”

You stood on your tiptoes and kissed him, letting your fingers tangle in his hair. He smiled a bit into the kiss before he broke away from you.

“Let’s get some sleep.”

Once you’d both settled into bed, your body easily curled right into his. He wrapped his arms around you and closed his eyes, attempted to prepare himself for Jongdae’s reaction.

The next morning when he woke up, his bed was empty. He was worried until he heard something in the kitchen. He stood up and rubbed his eyes, following the sounds. Once again he found you in his shirt, one side exposing your shoulder to him. He only looked down for a split second but when you reached up to grab something, he saw the curve of your ass.

You made it so difficult for him.

He came up behind you, wrapping his arms around you. It hadn’t looked like you’d started anything yet, you were just getting things ready. You turned around to face him.

“What’re you doing?” He asked you.

“I was going to cook for you.” You said with a blush. Something inside him snapped and he smirked at you.

“Baby,” he cooed, moving to kiss your neck, “can I have something else for breakfast?” He was affecting you and he could tell already.

“What do you mean?”

“I think you know exactly what I mean.” His hand trailed to your ass and squeezed it. Your hips moved into his. As soon as Baekhyun was into it too, your four years of experience seemingly disappeared. He liked that, more than he would admit.

“Down there?” You blushed red. “With your mouth?”

“Have you never - you’ve had sex but nobody’s ever given you oral?” Baekhyun was shocked to say the least.

“No,” you shook your head, “um, just fingers and -”

“We’ll change that.” He cut you off quickly. “Unless you don’t want me to.”

“I want you to.” You nodded at him and he grinned at you, kissing your neck again. His hands found the hem of his t-shirt you were wearing and he slid his hands under it. He felt your panties, a sigh leaving his mouth.

“You wore these in my fucking bed? Baby,” he shook his head, “next time you wear something like these I’m gonna have to fuck you.” He felt you shiver and he smirked. He loved the effect he had on you.

“Just do that now.” You whined. “I want you.”

“I know, princess, just relax and let me take care of you.” He slid your panties down and the navy blue lace fell to the floor. Now you were bare under his t-shirt and he was the hardest he’d ever been.

He lowered himself to his knees, the blush darkening on your face. He lifted your leg over his shoulder and you gripped tightly onto the counter to keep yourself steady. His eyes fell onto your dripping pussy and his cock twitched.

“Fuck, you’re so sexy.” He hummed, nipping gently on the skin of your thigh. “You fucking smell delicious, princess.”

“Baek, oh my God.” Your thighs clenched and Baekhyun chuckled. He was about to lean forward and get started, but there was a knock at the door. Both of you froze and you tensed up, Baekhyun quickly putting your leg down and sliding your panties back up from the floor.

You cursed under your breath and walked to Baekhyun’s bedroom to put on proper clothes.

Baekhyun walked to the door and checked through the peephole to see who it was. He sighed when he saw Jongdae and hoped his boner wasn’t painfully obvious. He opened the door and he barely had time to think before Jongdae punched him in the face.

“Fucking hell, Jongdae, what’s your problem?” Baekhyun yelled, holding his hand to the cheek that had been struck.

“That’s what you get for not bringing her home last night, you asshole.”

“Why do you just assume we do things when we’re alone? Jesus Christ, you’re more crazy than I thought.” Baekhyun shot back. You exited his room, your hair tied up and you changed into a pair of jeans and black t-shirt of your own.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You shouted at your brother, pulling Baekhyun’s hand away from his cheek to check it out. His face was red and he was pouting, but he looked fine.

“I told you my rules -”

“Who gives a shit about your rules?” You shot back, turning to look at him. “What part of I’m a grown ass woman don’t you understand? And now you’re going to come to Baekhyun’s apartment and just punch him? Is something wrong with you?”

“(Y/N), think about it, I’m just trying to protect you. You don’t really know Baekhyun like I do -”

“You’re right, I know him better than you.” You snapped. “And if you’re really going to play this game, play it with someone who will believe you.”

“You,” Jongdae pointed at Baekhyun, “do you love her?”

“More than I thought possible.”

“You have one chance, Baekhyun, if you hurt her, I’ll fucking kill you.” Jongdae said nothing else before he turned and left, leaving you and Baekhyun to look at each other.

Finally, the two of you had won.

#baekhyun #exo baekhyun #baekhyun imagine #baekhyun smut #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun angst #baekhyun fic #exo #exo imagine #exo smut #exo fluff #exo angst #exo fic #baekhyun series #exo series

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