#(and also why i'm absolute shit at expressing affection in a serious heartfelt manner but whatever)

[musicallisto]

i would like to reiterate that nina zenik and matthias helvar are the only reason i am still sane and capable of human emotion

#i don't think i have yelled enough about them. have i yelled enough about them? #THEIR INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITIES #THEIR CHARACTER GROWTH #MATTHIAS (DEROGATORY) MADE ME GO THROUGH A ROLLERCOASTER OF EMOTIONS IN THE BOOK AND I HAVEN'T RECOVERED. #AND NINA IS TOO POWERFUL AND SO STRONG AND AMAZING. I CAN'T DEAL. #she reminds me so much of me. i don't think i have actually elaborated on why i love nina so much. #she's so unapologetic. loud obnoxious and confident. she's brash funny and flirty. she makes jokes and she's exhausting. #she's everything that i am. or that i at least wish to be. #and oftentimes this type of character is The Best Friend. you know? the one who drags the Plain Main Character to parties and stuff #and doesn't have a life outside of being The Sidekick. doesn't get a character arc or much depth... #and all my life reading ya lit i was convinced that brash girls are the Best Friend and nothing more. #they are the lively counterpart to a timid main character and only ever serve the purpose to be their crutch. and give them cool outfits. #so all my life i thought i was the sidekick in my own life; i was second best in my own skin #but then nina came and the way she was handled - not like a side character here to assist the heroine and disappear #but as a HEROINE herself. as a MAIN character. with flaws and development and a romance subplot #and i just saw so much of myself in her personality and went hey! i can be badass too! i'm not a crutch! to anyone! #also i am kind of confined to this role of the Happy Friend. you know? super hyper and enthusiastic and hilarious. #and i'm not really allowed to be sad. or vulnerable. it's others who count on me for me to cheer them up not the other way around #(and also why i'm absolute shit at expressing affection in a serious heartfelt manner but whatever) #and that sounds more like jesper and i resonate with jesper as well but #nina being a girl + all the random little things about her #(her sweet tooth and appetite; the fact she's v good with languages) #(how she's curvy as well which made me feel better about my body - and im literally skinny so yay beauty standards) #(how she likes blond men AGAINST HER WILL (it's too funny)) #i just love her. that's all #shadow and bone #six of crows #nina zenik #clara tais toi #helnik