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memovia · 7 months

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ㅤㅤㅤㅤ𝐌𝐔𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐆 & 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐎𝐀𝐃 𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐒.

𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐆𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄.

Was it a blessing or a curse? To gaze upon the celestial being when he was but a mere young boy, trying to save a handful of already wilted flowers. Splashing water upon crumpled petals could never bring it back, the end of a life meant for a new one. But still, the young and soft-hearted Muyang persisted― some part of him was willing to believe that it would come back.

A splash and another, and another.

The way his heart quivered within his chest when he found it proved to be useless, it hurt him all the same...even if they were just flowers. Yet, in his mind, Muyang remembered the way his Mother looked at these blossoms when she watered them. The effort and love gone into taking care of them could never be overlooked.

Tears welled up within his ruby hues, he did not know why he was sad over a small thing like this, but he was. Muyang hugged the dead flowers close and shut his eyes. The only thought that revolved in his mind was his wish to be able to save it, to save the things that were meant to be loved and meant to live.

A bright glow from the sky soon permeated his closed lids and the small child's eyes fluttered open to look. The swift flurry of white petals brushed against his cheeks and he soon found himself staring into the gaze of Yaoshi, the Abundance.

Their many red eyes that inhabited their body followed the Plague Author's glance as one of their many arms came to tap Muyang's nose and chin lightly. The entity smiled at him, a gentle expression that befitted its benevolent nature, before collecting his escaping tears to form a small, glittering bubble.

With a single lithe digit, it guided the droplet towards those wilting flowers that he held tight in his grasps. The child followed their every action, mouth open in awe and confusion. Soon after, Yaoshi's long nail poked at the bubble, popping it and the clear sap soon fell onto the dull petals.

A chime in the distance, the both of them existed on a green field of ashen flowers. The ones in his hands soon bounced back into life, as though time had been reverted, as though it never died.

And as swiftly as Yaoshi appeared, the glow and their silhouette faded just as quick.

The Path of Abundance was bestowed upon him thereafter. The potential of his kindness had been acknowledged, and he would continue on his path as the way he was― an individual that had too much love to give in this world.

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐓 𝐔𝐏𝐎𝐍.

That naive boy had grown into a young man, but still his heart beat in the same tone as before.

But in time, he was proven wrong again and again. The kindness and love that he once held so high in regard, glowing and warm, would eventually tumble down into a pile of dark mud. The blessing from that Aeon had become a curse as he watched the ones closest to him disappear underneath the powers of Yaoshi.

Long-lived or short-lived, all life was fragile in the end. And Muyang, with his power from the Abundance, found himself powerless again and again.

The golden leaves that still embedded itself into Guangyang's spear till today.

The fear and love he had for an armored monstrosity, a ghost of his Father.

The empty gaze of his dead Mother as the mara-struck swallowed both of his parents whole.

The way he stood by, frozen.

Useless― so utterly useless.

His resolve wavered after, that kindness he had did not seem appealing anymore. The field of flowers he walked upon started to become paler and the petals did not glow as bright anymore. Every part of him that once seemed beautiful had become weak and ugly.

Muyang changed ever since then. His red hues no longer glowed like they used to and the usual laughter did not escape his lips anymore. The heart in his chest that had been so warm eventually grew cold.

Or so he thought. Little did he know that his determination would be tested once more. If that nail into his chest was not enough, then life would put many more down again.

Commander Guiying's body was environed with the same kind of gold.

Muyang knew what he had to do this time, but still, history repeated itself once more.

In the end, Lingyun was the one who carried his duty out, while the other remained a coward to the very end.

How funny. To think that he had change, to think that he had steeled his heart enough for what was to come. The helplessness seeped in again and Muyang found himself trapped within the abyss that stared back at him. He was nothing but a body full of failures and empty resolve. A crucification of his own guilt and errors.

Would destroying all of himself be the only measure? If so, he would gladly do so.

Muyang trampled on the flowers in his own field, until none of them survived the wrath of his grief.

𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐒 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑.

More time passed. The grass and flowers remained dull.

He was but a shadow of his former self. Muyang tried not to feel, not to harbour any emotions. The walls around him only grew thicker and the darkness in his gaze became much more profound.

Everything remained as it were, until he saw the red that almost took away Lingyun's silver eyes. The Mara that he nearly succumbed to, that nearly took him away from this world and Muyang.

He could not fathom what he would have to do in that situation. A sword through Lingyun's heart? If it were not for Fuli, then Muyang would have been helpless once more. The fact that it almost became reality was scary and he...was scared.

Of course, Lingyun had recovered from that quite quickly but what if it happened again? What then?

Would he be able to step up to the plate?

The rising doubt within his mind encircled him, like a blot of dark ink upon white paper. Something inside of him cracked into a million pieces and shattered simultaneously. Everything that was built up inside of him had been let go after that incident.

What could he do to change this? What could he do to deny this path that he no longer wanted?

Everything he had done to protect them was useless. The willingness to sacrifice himself did not even suffice. It happened to Lingyun regardless and life would take him away anytime again.

What was the point of it all? Love and kindness, if it did not help anyone.

What was the point of anything? What was the point of his existence?

If he could not protect anyone that he held close―

Useless... Muyang, you do not deserve to be here. In the end, you will lose everyone.

The despair engulfed him like a venus flytrap engulfed its pray. A single snap and he found himself melting into the universe.

The burning sensation in his body welled up within his chest. That familiar aureate hue surrounded his vision, it was soft like leaves on a tree but sprouted mercilessly from every part of his body. Flesh ripped apart, but a hardened shell was born anew.

He was turning. That much he knew. But somehow, he was too tired to fight it...

Still, Muyang's hand reached out for the darkness that consumed him after. Something in him did not give up even when anguish set his body aflame. A stubbornness that he always failed to shake off.

Hope. There was still hope, was there not?

In spite of this sadness, somewhere deep down... Muyang still wished to help Lingyun even if he was weak.

He could not afford to die or turn. Not now. Not ever.

❝ Don’t cry. Don’t cry. We’ll fix it. It’s alright. I’m here, am I not? ❞

❝ Mumu. Mama and Baba will always love you... no matter what. ❞

❝ Muyang. You are always so gentle... but that's a good thing, is it not? ❞

Lingyun, his parents and Guiying. The multitude of voices rung true to his ears, like a choir who sang its song.

A wave swept him up roughly. His chest heaved for the first time in awhile. Red hues opened themselves and looked towards the sky.

𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐀 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐈𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐀𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐄.

Muyang looked towards the sky, in hopes of another kind of blessing. An Aeon that was different. Had he not shown enough change? Had he not hardened his core and thrown away enough of that gentleness?

But the one he gazed upon was still Yaoshi.

The same god.

The same him.

❝ Why are you here? ❞

He began, bitter words were spoken through gritted teeth. The rage that fueled his crimson gaze only grew brighter, his anger was incomprehensible and indescribable. How dare they appear before him once more. The very being who took away all that he loved and yet, the very being that gave him hope at some point.

The Aeon did not speak but instead they laughed, a soft chuckle erupted from their lips as though everything was fine.

❝ Get away from me! You are not someone I will EVER follow. This path is not yours to take. Not anymore. ❞

But Yaoshi chose him before and Yaoshi will choose him again.

❝ I do not need your pity or your kindness. I would rather die than drink your poisonous nectar. ❞

The Plagues Author drew closer to him, as though they did not heed a single word from the man. A single golden leaf sprouted from their hand and Yaoshi blew at it gently. It dried up and wilted in an instant before crumbling into dust that disappeared along with the winds.

Yaoshi's smile grew wider before fading into nothingness. And Muyang found himself standing on a green field again. It was filled to the brim with white flowers.

A lesson from the Aeon, themselves. Something that he could never understand but what was apparent to him, was that...Muyang remained as he were. Unchanged. No matter how much he denied it and no matter which path he took, he ended up in the same place.

A cycle that kept going round and round.

Destruction and then... salvation.

Muyang found himself waking up in his bed, dried leaves surrounding him and familiar silver eyes that gazed at him with worry.

You were always destined to tread down Yaoshi's path.

Do not deny who you are, Lin Muyang.

special thanks to: @grislyintentions + @rvinfall + @traincarsandstars !

#death ideation tw #death mention tw #death tw #ask to tag!#idk if it makes sense but hell to the yes #air drops this big chunk of lore #:)#everyones dreams came true right?#mara struck muyang...#abundance muyang....#1 for 1 deal #ez pz #also the bamboozle at the end :)#he lives because of yaoshi. he lives because of the very being that caused his despair.#and still to this day he has not changed therefore yaoshi will continue to look upon him.#kinda nervous but lemme know what u guys think JKFANJfka #✧ lin muyang. | headcanons.

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cmyknoise · 2 years

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I’m thinking about how very intentionally cc!Tommy roleplayed c!Tommy as having absolutely repressed most memories of exile.

This can be as ‘simple’ as he’s repressed most the details of things Dream did to him, keeping only the main parts of ‘he hit me, he blew my stuff up, he blew logsteadshire up, i wasn’t doing okay’. Very fine details have never been brought up, not even to those he has opened up to.

But, I think about probably one of the biggest examples of this being Mexican Dream, and how on-purpose he made sure to show that c!Tommy doesn’t remember much of M.D. or what he did.

As we know, near Christmas time M.D. and Mamacita came to visit Tommy. They came mainly to cheer him up, by goofing around and having a good time. Even further, M.D. gave Tommy pictures of Tubbo (something that he’d later hide in his room to keep away from Dream so it wouldn’t be destroyed, and they were the first items he grabbed before Dream blew the chests up, grabbing them before any tools). They sang songs, and M.D. offered to move in with Tommy to keep him company.

All the while M.D. kept making it clear to Tommy that Dream was a bad man and not to be trusted, and that Tommy living the way he was was unhealthy, and he encouraged him to get his own stuff and essentially was undoing all that Dream had been trying to instill in Tommy. So, what did Dream do? Well, he killed M.D. three times in front of Tommy, taking away all of his canon lives. Mamacita fled.

Dream then tried to gaslight Tommy into saying he wasn’t the one to kill M.D..

Later, it’s actually M.D.’s items that help Tommy survive the run from Logsteadshire to Techno’s cabin (Tommy made the trip at night. Without the food or armor he’d gotten from M.D.’s things, it is likely he would’ve been shot and killed by a mob. Granted, on a meta standpoint it would’ve likely been a blooper, but cc!Tommy made sure that c!Tommy thanked M.D.’s things before borrowing them, and made sort of emphasis around those items).

Later on, we get to hear from Tommy that he saw M.D. in Limbo when he was dead, and that M.D. essentially partied while Schlatt slept and he & Wilbur played solitaire. But that’s not the last of M.D. You see, we got to see Ghost!M.D. a few times. I’m going to focus on the time when he’d talked to Sapnap and was shown around Kinoko Kingdom and became aware of Las Nevadas. He warned Sapnap that he didn’t like or was afraid of Las Nevadas, but he asked him a lot of questions, a lot of questions involving Tommy and Dream.

He very frequently asked if Tommy was okay and if he’d gotten from Dream, where Dream was, etc etc. Sapnap answered his questions and M.D. was relieved Tommy was okay, because he knew the last he’d seen him well, he wasn’t doing great, and he was stuck with Dream. M.D. is one of the only characters in canon who was actually witness to the abuse going on in Logsteadshire other than Tommy & Dream themselves.

It’s a short time after this, after M.D. goes back to Limbo, that he’s brought up to Tommy in passing. Tommy’s only comments on M.D. was that he thinks he remembers him, who he was talking about.

He’s completely repressed M.D. out of his memory entirely, and it makes sense, after what he saw happen to him was brutal and he’s repressed less brutal things about that time period. But it was so bad, that despite all M.D. did for him, and even meeting him in limbo, he barely can recall who he is past ‘I think I know who you’re talking about’,

I don’t know where I’m going with this, it’s just an interesting observation I guess. When Tommy does eventually talk about exile to someone, assumed Wilbur based on the direction lore has been heading.... how much will he even be able to talk about? The longer time goes on and the more Tommy manages to heal and move on from that time in his life, it’d be reasonable to assume the more details he won’t remember simply because that’s how the brain works to heal and protect one’s self.

I also want to point out that cc!Tommy & cc!Quackity’s characters have thus far explored some of the most deep parts of c!Tommy’s trauma and mental health in very accurate ways.

Whether it’s from how c!Quackity has come to an understanding of Tommy and is just as protective of him as other’s, viewing him near brother like (as he also does with Tubbo).

The way he talks to Tommy to make him feel better (see how he told Tommy to build walls if it made him feel safe, regardless of whether it did and regardless of Quackity’s own opinions on walls, because in that moment it was Tommy’s fear and feelings that mattered; also the friendship ladder and Quackity putting aside all of his problems with Las Nevadas because he realized the real danger with Dream was how in danger everyone else was in now that he was out).

To the way they acted out a very real coping mechanism with Mr. Trousers where Tommy had attached his trauma and experiences to a third party fictional being in order to talk about his feelings and Quackity had instantly understood and started to address Mr. Trousers instead of Tommy, but made sure that everything he said was meant to reassure Tommy and let him speak & vent).

So, with the way Ghost!M.D. first asks about Tommy, and the things he’d witnessed in exile and had tried to help, and the way Tommy simply doesn’t remember him. Well, I think it’s super interesting, and I want to bring it up and appreciate some details like this that I don’t see brought up.

cc!Tommy did research and is a great actor and writer (as is cc!Quackity), and his acting in accordance to anxiety, depression, trauma, ptsd, etc, has all been very good, and this is just another example of something that didn’t have a huge amount of emphasis but still was added into the story, and it makes their characters just more flushed out and helps, despite how small of a detail it is (and how rarely it’s brought up). It’s just neat. Do with this info what you will.

#dsmp #dream smp #tommyinnit #quackity #analysis #lemon's stuff #long post #cw abuse #exile #ask to tag!

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