#(but i would super love for my career to stop getting stopped and derailed)

[the-ghost-king]

You know how everyone has at least one minor rrverse character with no significance but they're you're favorite? Okay Mitchell from the Aphrodite Cabin is one of mine...

Make him Italian, probably Southern Italian I like to imagine his family immigrated from the Florentine area

Trans masc

At first he thinks he's just a gnc trans guy but after he starts medical transition he realizes he's nonbinary

Uses he/they pronouns generally

But when people he's close to talk about or to him and they're using nouns to describe him they use female gendered nouns (ex: daughter, lady, girl, etc), and yes these are a part of his gender expression

Also the type of person to hyphenate their deadname with their original middle name as their new middle name

They definitely are the type of person too who just invites invasive and awkward questions (as long as they're being asked in good faith) for educational purposes, and he'll give you the most derailed answer if that's what you want

Also he might be femme but he's not weak and he will beat you up if you're just being unnecessarily transphobic

His dad is a high quality fashion designer and because of this Mitchell is kind of spoiled (okay very spoiled) about clothes, always having high thread count clothes and also personally tailored pieces

They've got some casual plans to take over their dad's business but he thinks that he wants to expand it out into a more affordable fashion market for the average person (they like affordable and sustainable fashion too! The artistic pieces are nice but it's not a long-term sustainable business model!)

He personally dresses very camp, even the cishets look at him and go "oh he's you know... _/‾"

They love a good suit, very gender to him

Him, Nico, and Chiara all getting together to talk in Italian; and have culturefests or something

Watching Italian films, and TV shows, updating Nico on modern Italian culture, etc

Bi or Pan, but doesn't really feel the need to label himself, usually just says multisexual or mspec unless someone doesn't know what that means

His attraction to women is gay, his attraction to nonbinary people is gay, his attraction to men is gay... If you can't handle that you're not their target audience

Idk how old they are but Rick's timeline is fake and so are ages then, so him and Austin are dating

Very cute couple, very casual dynamic, probably have won "cutest couple award" or something at some point

Definitely went to all their high school dances together

Their favorite color... Probably green or pink... Yellow is also a good option

Mitchell probably wears glasses for the "aesthetic" but has worse vision with them on

Would not put it past him to be a social media influencer but have a secret Twitter account for BL

He definitely reads GL too

Very into anime, jdrama, and manga, likes manhwa and kdrama and any other variation of those things

Yeah probably kpop too

They probably like stuff like "My First First Love" and "Cherry Magic!" etc

First anime was probably one of the ones everyone seems to start with so maybe "Your Lie in April" or "Ouran High school Host Club"... His all time favorite is probably "Given"

First Manga... Probably "Orange" or something unexpected like "Black Butler"

He's definitely the person who introduces Nico to anime and such... The whole thing just sort of confuses Nico but he likes a couple of them, "Death Note" and some other psychological or horror type stuff

Definitely has some talent when it comes to hair styling, lots of people at camp are always going to him for haircuts and styles so he starts charging $2 or something for it and basically has a summer job at camp

He lives in the New York area year round (honestly, he probably goes home on the weekends sometimes from summer camp and goes to camp for the weekends sometimes in the school year)

Because of how close he is to camp other people in the area will often call him to do their hair and makeup for homecoming/prom/etc and he always agrees unless he's visiting family in Italy or he's touring with his dad

Likes to chill with Austin at the infirmary, partially to hang out but also probably because that's one of the few places in camp that has air conditioning

Will is always getting after him for sitting on the counters, something about it being unsanitary but they don't think it should matter as long as they're not in any of the operating rooms

Austin likes him too much to tell him no but yeah it's not sanitary, but to Austin the choice is a sanitary counter or a happy and comfortable boyfriend... He's picking happy boyfriend

Also Mitchell is very supportive of Austin's music career and always trying to convince Austin to let them use tracks of his music on the runways at their dad's shows

But Austin always says no because he wants to "make it big on his own" which Mitchell thinks is a bit silly but if it's what Austin wants he'll support it

Mitchell is super into camp's drama, they don't do anything with the information or all the secrets they just like knowing all of it

If you ask them to keep a secret they absolutely will

But that embarrassing story about you that went around camp five years ago that you lowkey wish everyone would just stop talking about, he's the one that keeps restarting the cycle

He babbles to Nico all the time about all the ongoings of camp because Nico is also good at keeping his mouth shut, but Nico doesn't care about the drama for the same reasons though (Nico: "Hold on, back up, you said Drew knows Sadie Kane? Interesting..." Mitchell:"okay Mr. Ominous, and also yeah, I did say that, so anyhow... ")

Very artistic person in general, he can probably play the piano okay, he's no professional and no Apollo kid but he can play some songs, and they have enough practice to learn new songs on their own!!

Definitely was voted by camp to have the worst taste in music though

Says his favorite movie is probably "Bring It On" or "Heathers" of something similar, but his actual favorite film is one of those cliche silent black and white ones that's only available in French

They definitely did dance for a few years growing up, has a ballet, tap, and hip hope background to work with but he left it behind when we was 13 or so but eventually they start to get back into hip hop and keep up with various types and lessons and places through their 20s

He's always the person to start groupchats

They think they're fun but they rarely take off without prompting from him

Also often times plays matchmaker for people ("they would be a cute couple wouldn't they? I don't know though, does she like girls? I think so?")

Those are just some ideas off the top of my head, hopefully you enjoy!

#i also think it's important to mention that some of these headcanons I picked up over the years from other people's fics and works etc #so some is mine but some is not and now he has a personality!! #mitchell aphrodite cabin #mitchell #pjo

[suituuup]

shine

Beca and Chloe meet during Pride

Word count: 2,7k

Rating: T

ao3 link

inbox open to prompts!

*

It was Stacie’s idea. 

 Of course it was. Everything that leads to Beca asking herself what the fuck she’s doing here can often be linked back to Stacie fucking Conrad. 

 Beca’s got a few examples to argue her case. That time she ended up in the ER on New Year’s Eve because Stacie thought riding a Segway while being drunk would be super fun, or when they got stuck in a snowstorm while driving up to Vermont that one year and nearly froze to death. 

 So when Stacie suggested a few days back that they go to the Pride parade, Beca initially said no. Don’t get her wrong; she’s all for the event, she just doesn’t do well with crowds. That Friday before the parade happens to be one of Beca’s worst days at work probably since the start of her career though, so when Stacie insisted she should tag along with her and Amy, Beca rolled her eyes, huffed, and eventually agreed, because  what the hell. 

 She doesn’t know it yet, as she stands in packed 7th avenue that hot and humid Saturday afternoon, but she’ll be  so glad she decided to go to Pride.

Right now though, she’s struggling for breath as panic slowly creeps into her body, tangling around her limbs and making her legs feel as heavy as lead. There are people  everywhere, the music is pounding against her skull and it’s just too fucking  hot. 

 “I’ll be right back,” she tells Stacie, curling a hand around her wrist to get her attention. “Check your phone if I lose you guys?” 

 “Yeah, you got it.”��

 Beca uncomfortably weaves through the crowd, muttering various apologies to the few people she bumps into as she keeps her eyes fastened on the sidewalk. The knots in her chest tighten when she reaches an adjacent street, leaning against the wall and tilting her head back. She’s focused on her chopped breathing and willing her heart to slow the fuck down when a voice cuts through the fog clouding her brain. 

 “Hey, you okay?” 

 Her eyes snap open to find twin twinkles of bright blue staring at her in concern, standing out despite the colorful rainbows painted on the woman’s cheeks that should steal Beca’s attention.

 “I’m uh,” Beca winces, bracing a hand on her chest when her breathing derails even more. “Not really. I’m having a sort of panic attack.” 

 “Oh shit, okay, um--” The redhead glances around them, then focuses back on Beca. “Anything I can do?”

 Beca shakes her head, her eyes screwing shut as she goes through the 5-5-5 breathing technique a few times, until her lungs don’t feel as deprived of oxygen as before. 

 The redhead is still standing there when she opens her eyes. She fishes into her tote bag, pulling out a bottle of water and extending it to Beca. “Here. It’s still capped.” 

 “Thanks,” Beca mutters, taking the cool bottle from her and drinking a few sips. She takes a few beats to observe the other woman as she hands the bottle back. She’s wearing a white shirt with a cute dinosaur waving a pride flag, faded denim shorts and sneakers, and has got a camera slung across her chest. “You’re a photographer?” 

 “Yeah. Well, not professionally, but hoping to become one someday.” She extends her hand, that genuine smile still in place. “I’m Chloe.” 

 Beca flushes, knowing her hand is probably clammy and disgusting compared to how soft Chloe’s feels. “Beca.” 

 “First Pride?” 

 Beca nods. “Yeah, and kinda regretting it.” She scrunches up her nose when she realizes how that might come across. “Not because of-- I think it’s great that it exists, I mean, I’m not straight so of course  I don’t have anything against Pride itself.” God, just  shut up.  “I just don’t like crowds. Or the heat.” 

 Chloe hums, seemingly barely able to keep her amusement at bay. “I kinda need a break, too. Wanna come check out the Stonewall exhibit at the public library with me?” She raises an eyebrow, then adds, “Less people and AC…” 

 Any other day, Beca would have probably said no. But the journey back to Brooklyn if she goes home now will most likely be slow and painful, and she kinda wants to hang out with Chloe, for reasons she can’t explain as they’ve only ‘known’ each other less than five minutes and Beca is usually wary about strangers. 

 “Sure, why not. Let me just shoot a text to my friends.” 

 Once she tells Stacie not to worry about her, Beca follows Chloe through the crowd, Chloe’s hand finding hers before they get in the thick of the crowd. 

 “So we don’t lose each other,” Chloe says over her shoulder, winking softly. She doesn’t let go even when they reach quieter streets, but weirdly Beca doesn’t mind.

 She chuckles at herself, shaking her head softly because this is so unlike her. 

 “What?” Chloe asks, a mixture of curiosity and confusion swirling in her eyes. 

 “Nothing, I just…” Beca shrugs. “This is not how I expected today to go, at all.” 

 Chloe’s head tilts to the side as she stares at Beca’s profile. “In a good way?” 

 “Yeah, I really think so.” 

 Chloe smiles in response, then emits a soft gasp, letting go of Beca’s hand. “Hold on, one sec.” She crosses the street before Beca can say anything, stepping up to this drag couple and asking them if she can do a mini photoshoot. 

 Beca watches on in amusement, grinning when Chloe walks back to her after thanking the pair. They fall back into step, and Beca resists the urge to slide her hand into Chloe’s once more. 

 She lets out a sigh of relief as soon as they step inside the cool building.

 “Better?” Chloe asks. 

 “Yeah,” Beca breathes, nodding. 

 They hike up the staircase, Chloe coming to a stop to snap a picture of the  Love & Resistance  neon sign above the door leading to the exhibit. As they stroll about from one picture to another, Beca finds herself glancing at Chloe often, finding Chloe’s clear love for photography endearing. 

 “That was really cool,” Chloe says when they step back under the scorching sun after spending about an hour inside. They stopped at the gift shop, where Chloe purchased a few prints of the photographs exhibited. “Did you like it?” 

 “I did, yeah,” Beca nods, smiling softly. “Those people were really fucking brave. It’s inspiring.” 

 “I think so, too.” She licks her lips, glancing at Beca. “What are you doing now?” 

 “Not sure yet,” Beca says; one thing she’s sure of is that she doesn’t want to part ways with Chloe just yet. “Why? Wanna whisk me away again?” 

 Chloe’s soft laughter sends Beca’s heart for a spin. “Maybe.” A soft hand emcompasses hers once more. “Do you trust me?” 

 Beca cocks an eyebrow, a smirk ticking the corners of her lips. “Kind of a bold question seeing as we’ve known each other for an hour. You could be a serial killer for all I know.” 

 A giggle flits past Chloe’s lips, and she tugs on Beca’s hand. “Come on.” 

 “I’m low key concerned you didn’t try and correct me on the whole serial killer thing,” Beca teases, catching up so she falls into step with Chloe. “Or maybe you’re just a stalker? Would explain the fancy camera.” 

 “Stop,” Chloe requests with a chuckle, shoving Beca with her shoulder. 

 “I’m kidding,” Beca assures her, lacing their fingers before she can think twice about it. “So where are you taking me?” 

 “There’s a street fair a couple blocks away with crafts, food and drinks. Should be less crowded but still festive.” 

 “Sounds cool.” 

 They get there about twenty minutes later, Chloe stopping a few times along the way to snap a few street shots. The fair has a family-friendly block-party kind of vibe, with various vendors displaying their arts and crafts. Live music is drifting through the street, and Beca instantly feels more comfortable than she did during the parade.

 Her heart swells at the sight of a family just ahead of them; two women and their two young kids with rainbows painted on their cheeks. Beca is filled with hope that someday she’ll get to have that, too, that being gay won’t prevent her from building a family and finding happiness, like her dad said it would when she came out to him a couple years ago. 

 “Where’d you go?” Chloe’s soft voice once again cuts through Beca’s thoughts. 

 “Nowhere,” she murmurs, glancing towards her new friend. “I just really like it here.” 

 After strolling about the different booths, they grab a bite to eat and settle down at a picnic table near the makeshift stage where the live band is playing. 

 “Do you know if there’s a face painting booth somewhere?” Beca finds herself asking once she’s finished her fries. “I wanna get flags on my cheeks, too.” 

 Stacie offered before they left the apartment, but Beca turned her down, preferring to keep it low-key. Chloe’s rocking it though, and Beca is definitely more ready to embrace her identity than she was a few hours ago. 

 “Oh, I can do it!” Chloe reaches inside her bag, producing a small paint palette and a brush. 

 Beca chuckles, shaking her head in amazement. “Of course you’d carry that around.” 

 As Chloe settles down next to her, straddling the bench, Beca mirrors her position and gathers her hair up and out of the way, piling it up on her head in a messy bun. She inhales sharply as Chloe takes her chin gently and leans closer to apply the first stroke. 

The cool brush sliding over her heated skin makes her shiver, and the sudden proximity has her heart thud harder, and she feels a bit overwhelmed by the sudden urge to tilt her head up and forward just slightly to brush a kiss across Chloe’s mouth. 

 She doesn’t though, because she’s never kissed a girl before and that urge is soon suffocated by the nerves that sprout in the pit of her belly, shackling those butterflies back towards the ground. 

 “There,” Chloe murmurs, backing away to check her work. Beca realizes she hasn’t been breathing properly and sucks some air into her lungs, blinking. “Cute.” 

 “Thanks,” Beca croaks out, clearing her throat. She takes her phone to see it for herself in the reflection of the screen, and a bright smile spreads across her features. 

 “You’re rocking it.” 

 Soft blush coats Beca’s cheeks as she meets Chloe’s gaze, quickly averting her eyes because those striking blues are really messing with her ability to function properly. 

 “So I’m supposed to meet a couple friends of mine at this cool bar in an hour or so, I was thinking maybe you and your friends could tag along? No pressure, though.” 

 “Yeah, um, I’d like that. I’ll text my friends to see if they’re down.” 

 Cue to Beca being a bit more drunk than she initially planned in a gay bar in Soho a few hours later. The scorching heat probably (definitely) got to her head over the afternoon, so the two cocktails she had really feel like four. 

 She doesn’t mind, though. That pleasant buzzing thanks to the alcohol loosens her up a little and makes her second guess a lot less. 

 “So what’s up with you and Red?” Stacie asks over the music as they stand by their table. Chloe’s friends Jessica and Ashely are currently dancing, and Chloe’s gone up to the counter to get water. 

 Beca wonders if her attraction to Chloe is that see-through, or if it’s just Stacie being Stacie, and poking Beca has always been one of her favorite things. “What?” 

 The tall brunette rolls her eyes. “Come on, you guys have the hots for each other.” 

 Beca is thankful for the dim lighting as her face flushes hard. “You-- you think she’s into me?” 

 “Duh,” Amy confirms with a twin eyeroll. 

 Stacie slaps Amy’s arm. “Oh, here she comes. Let’s go dance, Ames.” 

 Beca’s eyes widen and her jaw drops when she realizes her friends are abandoning ship. “Guys!  Seriously?? ” 

 The confirmation that Chloe’s attracted to her only makes Beca all nervous again, and she jumps slightly when Chloe shows up beside her. 

 “You alright?” Chloe asks, gently cupping Beca’s elbow. 

 “Yeah, yes. I’m grand.” Grand?  Grand??  God, it’s like she can hear Stacie cackling in her head. Beca slams her eyes shut and wrinkles her nose as Chloe giggles. “Ugh. I mean good. I’m good.” 

 “Good,” Chloe echoes, her smile teasing. “So why are Stacie and Amy staring at us?” 

 Mortified, Beca glances in the direction of Chloe’s head tilt to find Stacie and Amy both innocently looking away as they stand across the room. She groans in annoyance. “I’m gonna kill them.” 

 Chloe laughs again, and Beca realizes her hand is still on her arm, her thumb stroking Beca’s skin back and forth. “It’s okay. I’m glad they’re looking out for you.” 

 “They’re not looking out for me,” Beca grumbles. “They’re just having the time of their lives because they know I’m a terrible flirt and I don’t know how to act around a beautiful woman.” She chuckles, her blush flaring up once more. “Oh wow, I can’t believe I just said that out loud.” 

 “Which part?” Chloe asks. “You being a terrible flirt or calling me beautiful?” 

 Beca wets her suddenly dry lips. “Me being bad at this,” she replies, sucking in a sharp breath. “I definitely meant the second part.” 

 Chloe licking her lips like she does in the next beat makes Beca’s knees wobble. “You wanna dance?” 

 Beca’s phone lights up with a text from Stacie before she can respond.  We’re heading somewhere else. Coming or staying? ;)

 She throws Chloe an apologetic smile as she grasps her phone. “Sorry, let me just reply.” 

 Beca

I’m gonna stay. 

 Stacie’s reply is instant.  Happy scissoring. 

 She makes the mistake to glance towards the pair, catching Amy doing a V with her fingers by her mouth and flicking her tongue between them. 

 “Oh my god,” Beca mutters, setting her forehead on the table. “Any chance you didn’t catch that? My friends are an embarrassment.” She eventually straightens, shaking it off. “And yeah, I wanna dance.” 

 Chloe doesn’t beat around the bush, setting her hands on Beca’s hips and tugging Beca closer once they’re facing each other. Beca’s top doesn’t quite meet her high waisted skirt, and Chloe’s touch sends an electric jolt down her spine, its aftershocks echoing in the tips of her toes.

 Her arms loop around Chloe’s neck and it’s only now they’re standing so close that Beca notices how blue Chloe’s eyes are. She also notes the want and passion burning in those irises, and feels another chill travel her body. Chloe moves flawlessly to the beat, and Beca matches her rhythm, gradually crushing the sliver of distance between them until her own hips are swaying flush against Chloe’s. 

 The song blends into another one, but Beca doesn’t really register it; she’s slowly being consumed by the desire to kiss Chloe, and this time doesn’t let her damn insecurities get the upper hand. Leaning in slowly, she captures Chloe’s lips in a kiss, a delighted hum mingling into it as Chloe kisses her back instantly. One of Chloe’s hands leaves her hip to hold her face gently, warm and reassuring over her skin. 

 The kiss is slow and tender, exploratory on Beca’s end, and probably the best Beca’s ever had. Her head soon spins from those wonderful, foreign sensations spreading through her body, and she finds herself needing a break shortly after. She pulls away just a bit, her lips tingling as Chloe’s breath skates across them. 

 When Chloe asks her if she wants to get out of there, Beca should probably tell her she’s new at this, that she’s never been with a girl before, but the words never surface from her throat. She does admit it half an hour later as they’re heavily making-out just outside Chloe’s place, but not to put a stop to it. 

 She wants this more than she’s probably ever wanted anything else, but she’s afraid of not knowing what to do. 

 Despite their palpable desire, they slow down once they eventually make it to Chloe’s bedroom, and Beca’s grateful for that. The next couple hours are a blur of yet unparalleled pleasure and Beca sleeps hard afterwards, waking up a bit confused the next morning. 

 She flushes when memories from the night before surface, explaining the wonderful aches her body’s experiencing when she stretches. She’s alone in bed and the apartment is silent, but a note lies on the pillow next to her. 

  Hey you. Had to run to work and didn’t want to wake you up. Help yourself to coffee and a shower, if you’d like. Yesterday was pretty awesome. I hope we can see each other again soon. Here’s my phone number: 917-695-8691. Have a good day. :)

Chloe xx

 Beca fails to keep her smile at bay and she might even squeal a little bit as she flops back against her pillow. 

 She guesses she should thank Stacie for dragging her to Pride, after all. 

#bechloe #bechloe fic

[dontcallmecarrie]

Hi! I love your By Dawn’s Early Light series, and I am wondering what Tony and Maria are going to do about Shield. Given that they both adhere to a brand of hyper competent karma, and that pesky agency was both founded by Howard, got in their way multiple times through emps, spies, and forced relocations, and are probably still up to some not so great meddling, I am hoping for them to get some Juno and company brand reckonings.

Please bear in mind that By Dawn's Early Light started out more as a writer's-block-buster than anything else, because of a spite-inspired "lol wouldn't it be funny if one of the moms that got fridged derailed the entire MCU without even trying?" that ended up coming with a side of found family fluff even as things got serious.

It didn't originally have a plot, like 90% was just me going "hey, wouldn't it be cool if [insert thing here] happened?" and spitballing and messing around because my WIPs weren't cooperating and I needed to switch gears for a moment.

Most of my fics, I have a hard outline and overarching plot and theme song going on before I post the first chapter. Not this time, though; when I started this AU, all I knew was that I wanted at least one (1) fic that explored some themes about abuse and found family fluff in a super-specific way I hadn't seen in fanfic before, so I just put the theme song on loop and started writing.

...which is now technically two [maybe three?] different AUs, because a while back when I was first writing my coding nightmare fic [aka my seven-different-AUs-in-a-trenchcoat fic, By Myself But Not Alone], part of me went "hey, you know what would be fun? If the original team of the MCU got dropped into this mess!"

Which, of course, resulted in a convoluted mess because partway through I realized I'd need to differentiate them more if I didn't want to get bored.

So now I have 3 AUs going on: the original premise, By Dawn's Early Light, as well as two spinoffs.

In the original, I... am still kinda drawing a blank because, again, this wasn't meant to be anything more complex than a writer's-block-buster. The plot went sideways from the start and I can count on one hand how many more scenes I'm interested in exploring, one of them being "Howard gets punched", but overall I kinda wrote myself into a corner because I have no idea how it's going to end.

In theory, there should be some Big Confrontations— but ehhh some of the themes in that AU are hitting way too close to home atm, so lol not touching that mess anytime soon.

again, this AU's focus was originally meant to be found family fluff

For the spinoffs, Howard Stark's going down, full stop.

The specifics are going to differ slightly depending on the AU in question, but one way or another, his career's days are numbered. In at least one of those AUs, SHIELD isn't going to be his ally; outside machinations have made it so that he's going to kind of be hoisted by his own petard.

#By Dawn's Early Light #By Myself But Not Alone #I got an ask! #Naught replies #behind the scenes #minor spoilers #thinking aloud

[proudlylost]

My 6+1 favorite SPN fics: AU

After the SPN finale I kinda got sucked back into the fandom. The excessive amount of fanfiction reading ensued (I re-read all of my SPN fic favorites and then some) and I realised I have actually read quite a lot of them. So I thought I could share them, to highlight all the talented authors there is and also to gather all of my favorites into the one place. This post contain my favorite AU fics, the SPN universe edition of this fic rec can be found here.

Ninety One Whiskey by komodobits

“In the spring of 1944, the 104th Medical Battalion of the United States Army is disbanded, and its men reassigned to various infantry companies in preparation for their invasion of occupied France. For First Lieutenant Novak, this is less than helpful, as he has so far met his platoon’s designated medic a grand total of twice, and has both times found Sergeant Winchester to be the optimum combination of reckless, arrogant, and downright insufferable so as to make cohesive platoon function near impossible. When the time comes to move out, however, Castiel has to reconcile himself to the fact that men are going to go down and trust that Dean Winchester may well be the only person who can put them back together again. WW2 ETO infantry AU. “ 

READ! THIS! Well, there is some really disturbing war related and time period related stuff, but if you can stomach that, read it! Along with the Angel’s Wild, this is my favorite fanfiction. This fic is heart wrenching and so, so good.The characterization is on point. Historical accuracy is on point. Slow burn is on point. Everything is just perfect. However, as I said, this fic is heavy stuff. There is some serious angst (I cried. I almost never cry when reading) and trauma. But there is glimmers of hope, even if sometimes it feels hopeless. Expected recovery time: at least two weeks. Word Count:  401,183. Explicit

Angel’s wild by LimonadeGaby and riseofthefallenone

“But that’s the whole reason he’s here, isn’t it? He’s not out here hunting Humans. He’s not even hunting deer, or bears, or anything else that featured in Bambi. He’s out here, freezing his nuts off every night, because he’s hunting Angels.

Sometimes Dean wishes that Angels were like how they’re described in the Bible. How people from time too old for him to care much about thought Angels were messengers and warriors of God, protectors of Humans. He knows that how they’re really described in the Bible is actually pretty terrifying, but at least they were told by God that they’re supposed to love Humans, right?

That’s a thousand times better than what Angels really turned out to be.”

This was first longer fic that I read from Supernatural fandom and I fell in love. So this is “the fic that got me into the fandom” but I have read it multiple times since and it is still very, very good. I love everything about this fic. It is very original and the lore is amazing. I love how Dean and Cas are both quite young (in Cas’s case, relatively speaking) and how their love develops (slow burn! <3) I love how Cas is described and I love how he communicates (unintentionally) with flowers. You can also read this without having any knowledge of supernatural series (like I did) which is always impressive for a fic. Wor count:  389, 271. Explicit

For All You Young Hockey Players Out There, Pay Attention by thursdaysfallenangel

“Dean Winchester knows two things about hockey, two things his dad made sure he knew. One, hockey is a guy’s sport, and two, hockey is family. Hockey meant Sam and Bobby and Benny and Victor and Gabriel and hell, his entire team. So when Victor gets traded, Russian-star-turned-new-teammate Castiel Krushnic becomes a threat. As much as Dean hates him for that, the longer he sticks around, the more he begins to threaten that first rule too. Dean’s been taught his whole life that those who play hockey should not be captivated by deep accented voices and the way a guy handles his stick, so how the hell is he supposed to justify what he’s starting to think about Cas? All Dean wanted at the beginning of the season was to win, and now all he wants to do is figure out how he feels about Cas and how to deal with it without ruining his career and tearing his family apart. “

Ah, three of my absolute favourite things smashed into the same fic: sports, slow burn and enemies to lovers. This fic has lots of cameos from supernatural characters, because hockey teams require lots of players. So it is easy to spot your favorite character in this fic. This fic is probably one of may favorites, because of the sport environment (Outside the fandom, I have been super into sports. Like so much I have several national championships medals from my sport. Anyway, not a point here): also the sexual tension between Dean and Cas is so good, especially when they are pumped with the adrenaline. You don’t really need to understand sports to enjoy this fic, though. Word count:  143,592. Explicit

Formula Won by cardinalwrites

“Of all the places Castiel Novak thought he would take in his career, an internship as a Formula One Paddock Correspondent (or journalist, for short) was most definitely not one of them for a few reasons. One: He had no clue what the hell Formula One was. Two: He knew nothing about sports in general. And Three: He should not fall in love with the people he’s supposed to be asking hard-hitting questions to, least of all the head driver of one of the oldest and most well-renowned teams in the sport’s history.

This is a love story told around the world through the eyes of the person that knows the least about where he has found himself in. Come follow a 20-race season finding love in the lost, learning the truth, and figuring out what the hell Formula One is along the way.”

Another sports fic with a slow burn. This is probably not everyone’s cup of tea, because there is quite a lot information about formula one, and the reading experience is more enjoyable if already know about formulas/do your research. Don’t let it stop you though, because this fic is very good. The friendship between Dean and Cas is very natural, and later the romance as well. The plot is very engaging and the drama inside the formula one organization is so good. This fic is also not so “heavy” as the other ones in my list (of course, there are problems along the way, but even the fic’s tags say there will be fluff). The rating is T, which is kinda surprising, because I did not notice it until I already had read the whole fic. Word count: 123,777. Teen

Have Love, Will Travel by squeemonster

Castiel Novak is a reclusive writer with a childhood so tragic it's left him terrified to leave his home—until his overbearing brother, Gabriel, drags him out for a night on the town full of booze and strip clubs, and he encounters Dean Winchester, a mesmerizing and mysterious stripper with secrets of his own. Both men find themselves inexplicably drawn to each other, and soon Dean's private dances for Castiel become much more, as both men confess their troubles and find solace in each other's company. But neither can seem to find the courage to take their relationship further than the intimacy of the club's VIP Room—and just when Dean's own brother gives him the excuse he needs to finally admit his feelings, Dean discovers something that brings it all crumbling down. Will they find a way past their demons and their trust issues, and back to each other?

This is one of the fandom classics and quite rightfully so. Both Dean and Cas have issues, in other words: what’s new? The sexual chemistry between them was so good and well written, but there is also angst and mental health issues (mostly Cas). Sam is quite young in this fic, but manages to be very much a little brother. I honestly loved this fic when I was a bit younger, but I think it is still very good and deserves its place in this list. Word count  94,054. Explicit

Pick It All Up by thepinupchemist

Army veteran Castiel Novak is a wreck after his tour in Afghanistan, brought home to his brother's apartment in Lawrence, Kansas with scars both mental and physical. He copes poorly, and during one night of bad decision making, meets somebody just as much of a disaster as he is -- a prostitute named Dean Winchester. And suddenly, two damaged men might not be as irreparable as they believed.

Ah, it seems that I’m incapable of picking nice, fluffy, happy fanfics. This certainly is not one of them. There is full warnings in the tags, because there is some triggering stuff: PTSD, mentions of past abuse, alcoholism etc. But, this is also very healing story in its own way (It has happy ending. I guess I can spoil that because it reads in the tags) . I avoided this fic for a long time, because the prostitute!Dean tag scared me away, but this was so worth of reading (as I said, happy ending)! Gabriel is super supportive and sweet brother and Dean and Cas are dysfunctional but they work so well despite all the trauma they have endured. Word count:  126,611. Explicit

Bonus: Twist and Shout by gabriel and standbyme

What begins as a transforming love between Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak in the summer of 1965 quickly derails into something far more tumultuous when Dean is drafted in the Vietnam War. Though the two both voice their relationship is one where saying goodbye is never a real truth, their story becomes fraught with the tragedy of circumstance. In an era where homosexuality was especially vulnerable, Twist and Shout is the story of the love transcending time, returning over and over in its many forms, as faithful as the sea.

Well, I don’t think this fic needs any introductions. This is the fic, the most popular in SPN fandom and one of the most popular ones in the whole ao3. I thought that I could read this, because I don’t generally have many triggers, despite all the warnings. I was a wreck during reading. And I have managed to read it once and I can’t make myself read it again. But it is good and amazingly written. This fic plucks every emotion out of you and does anything it pleases with them. You have been warned. Word count:  97,556. Explicit

(When I wrote this fic rec I also realised I have a serious problem with long fics. Like, most of my favorites are at least 100,000 words. At this point I think I don’t even consider a fic to be slow burn, unless it takes several days to complete the fic. Oops)

#supernatural fic rec #destiel fic rec #supernatural fanfiction #destiel fanfiction #destiel slow burn #supernatural #destiel

[spectralreplica]

So I loved your response on who would be most likely to witch out in the PMMM/DR v3 au, but id love to ask, what did they all wish for? (Bonus: Also did those wishes backfire?)

So, these are my thoughts for right now, but if I actually planned more of the “story” for this AU, some of them might change. For some of them I kind of cheated and came up with the power first, but in my defense it’s hard to come up with wishes without having planned more of the plot, since Kyubey tries so hard to get people to make spur of the moment wishes during times of stress.

Kokichi: I see him as totally paranoid (rightfully so) over how Kyubey’s trying to trick him but still obsessing for weeks over the perfect phrasing for a wish just in case, and then suddenly a witch traps him and DICE in a Labyrinth and he ends up contracting with a totally spontaneous wish. Something like “saving my friends” or “being strong enough to protect my family.” For maximum irony, he’d end up with powers that get stronger when fighting with/to protect others but keep trying to fight alone anyway due to not trusting other magicals and not wanting to put DICE in danger. He’d also tell people he wished for other things like, “to rule the world from the shadows,” or “an infinite supply of scarfs.” As for backfiring, he does save everyone that one time, but they’re in more danger since other magicals end up targeting them when Kokichi poaches from their territories, plus they’re in the line of fire if/when he witches out.

Kaito: Like in the game, Kaito is terminally ill and wishes for something along the lines of “being healthy enough to achieve his dreams,” but he totally lies and says he wished for something like “being strong enough to help others.” He gets the power to temporarily boost other people’s powers and/or make their bodies regenerate from wounds. He kind of avoids using the healing part at first because it’s a little suspicious with his alleged wish and then pretends it’s a thing he’s been practicing. It doesn’t really go bad for him, and I don’t think he’d regret making the wish, even when he finds out about the Soul Gems controlling your body thing. Maybe when he realizes there are no witches in space? But even then I think he’d be in denial…

Shuichi: Shuichi ends up involved in a really serious case and just can’t find the piece that ties it all together even though everyone is counting on him. At the height of his anxiety, Kyubey approaches him, and he wishes to find the truth. He basically gets super intuition/lie detection with a (mental) visual interface sort of like the DR trials (truth bullets plus the mini games). This creates drama with certain other magicals who are hiding something (cough, Kokichi and Kaito) and makes him doubt his skills since he’s relying on magic to cheat.

Maki: Still an orphan, still approached by a cult, but then approached by Kyubey. She wishes that the cult would never bother anyone at the orphanage again, and they all end up arrested, dead, or mysteriously vanished. She basically gets the power to make things/people “go away” to a pocket dimension only she can access, and this makes other people sort of forget those things/people exist while they’re inside. She sees her wish as a necessary sacrifice, like her becoming an assassin in canon, so she is Not Happy when Kyubey approaches some of the other orphans.

Kaede: Honestly not sure???? She doesn’t really have anything in her backstory that would be a catalyst for Kyubey to approach her, so I see it as more of a random chance, situation-based thing, like Madoka healing the cat. Maybe she was trapped in a Labyrinth and wished for the power to fight survive, or to save a friend? Just know it’s not related to her piano playing. That’s all practice, and she likes it that way.

(Joke answer: Kaede gets super mad at someone from a distance and wishes she could slap them across the face for being an idiot. She gets the power to telekinetically smack anything around from across the room.)

Himiko: Intrigued by the idea of real magic but not intrigued by the idea of having to fight witches. Ends up wishing for her mentor to be more popular. Not as mind-controlly as Kyoko’s wish; basically, people just find him really cool and talented and can’t look away from his shows, but they don’t like, form a cult? Sort of derails her own career as a magician (both because the audience likes her mentor more and because she has to sneak off and fight witches) and doesn’t really fix the problems in their relationship, but he doesn’t leave and never return. Anyway, she gets the power to make herself and anyone she touches more or less noticeable/popular. Really good for stealth or drawing aggro. Also for convincing people to do her favors.

Tenko: She recently moved to the city after living in a temple since she was a child, and is finding it hard to adjust. One night, when she’s out acting as a “hero of justice” like her Master taught her and preventing a suicide, she ends up trapped in a Labyrinth and saved by Himiko. She ends up really, really attached and sort of accompanies her on hunts for a while until something goes wrong, and she ends up wishing to protect Himiko. She ends up with sort of a sense when Himiko needs help and is really good at putting up shields/barriers.

Miu: Still in a bad car crash leading to a coma, butthe surgery doesn’t go as well. Kyubey approaches her in the hospital right after she’s been told she’s facing permanent brain damage. She almost wishes to put her brain back to normal but then decides, why stop there? She wishes to be a genius with a super-brain that can solve any problem, and ends up with super inspiration, mostly aimed at turning any materials around her into an invention that will help her. She can use magic to substitute for missing materials and speed up the development time, but this uses a lot of magic at once, and the finished product won’t work for anyone else. Freaks out when she learns her body is now essentially hardware, but then she realizes the possibilities for improving things… Then everyone else freaks out.

Gonta: Still a feral child who got lost in the woodsand was sort of raised by wolves (not reptites, sorry), but this affects his ability to learn language and social skills much, much more severely than in canon. Wishes for the ability to understand others, which makes him fluent in all languages and sort of an empath. Also, because he sees animals as sort of on the same level as humans, this extends to animal languages in addition to human ones. Being able to speak and mimic “good manners” improves others’ opinions of him and his intelligence, but being able to feel how his birth family really feels about him is so upsetting that he eventually ends up running away and staying with Miu and Kiibo.

Kiibo: Lives with Miu. Does not remember his wish, but he has powers, so he has to have made one? Probably human. I’m still sort of torn over his backstory, but I’m kind of leaning towards a Hijiri kind of situation, where he was created by someone else’s wish. Or magic (cough, Miu.)

Ryoma: Wishes to get revenge on the mafia that killed his family and girlfriend. Basically gets enhanced strength and a sort of sense of where all of the members are. I sort of went over how his wish ends up in the other post…

Korekiyo: Wished to cure his sister’s illness and got healing powers. Currently traveling the world to observe other magicals. Like the other cult members, offers to use his powers for a price (usually Grief Seeds or information).

Angie: Starts out living on an isolated island andacting as a priestess/oracle, but begins to doubt her own abilities/connection to her god because natural disasters are getting worse and more people are leaving. She sort of interprets Kyubey as a messenger from her god and wishes to know what’s really going on/get a better sense of her destiny. She gets the power to predict the future as long as she is personally involved. She has to actively focus on a question (What happens if I do this?) or a goal (I want to achieve this) and she’ll see the most probable path. This really elevates her sense of self-importance, and makes it much easier to make others see things her way. It doesn’t prevent a tsunami from destroying her home and making everyone leave, at which point she meets Tsumugi and Kirumi.

Tsumugi: Her life isn’t bad, but she doesn’t like herself that much and feels empty and unfulfilled until she comes across the existence of actual magical girls (well, one in particular). Like an anime come to life! Tsumugi wishes for the ability to become someone else (yes, I know this was Rena’s wish too…) and gets the power to transform into other people. If they’re a magical, she can also copy a limited, weaker version of their powers.

Rantaro: Wishes to find all of his sisters and gets the ability to track people. He has an inherent sense where each of his sisters is and their general emotional state, but he can also apply this power to other people if he focuses. It works from anywhere in the world and can be based on a photograph, but it works best when the person is close by (from a country away he knows they’re alive and northwest from him, from a building away he knows they’re sitting in a chair in the back corner of the back bedroom and feeling excited but a little nervous) and he’s met them in person. He quickly discovers that tracking a sister down once doesn’t mean she’ll stay “found” and go home. Some of them also want to travel, others have bad senses of direction and always get lost again, some find his new knowledge of where they are and how they feel super creepy and avoid him, and at least one became a magical girl already… He probably finds out about the witch thing first…….

Kirumi: Part of a family that’s been serving animportant, rich family (maybe Rantaro’s? for maximum irony?) for generations. She’s been trained to dedicate her whole life to serving others and has no real prospects outside of eventually becoming head maid and training her own children to replace her. Meets Angie and Tsumugi and is immediately drawn in by Angie’s message. Wishes for the ability to instantly transport herself and others and gets the ability to teleport to any location she’s seen (photos count). It gets harder the more people she takes along, the longer the distance, and the less detail she knows about her destination. She tells everyone—and herself—that she lives to serve and wished for a convenient power to better serve the group’s needs, but she secretly wanted to escape really badly for her own sake too.

#Ask #Anon #Long Post #DRV3/PMMM AU #Anonymous

[mafiamamaj]

Here's an Endgame fix-it I would love but don't have the patience to write.

So, Steve goes back in time. Everybody's all pissed because its so out of character, and why is Peggy worth more than Tony or Bucky, all that. But, hear me out.

Steve goes back and the first thing he does is find Peggy and Howard. Convince them its really him, somehow get them to believe the time travel nonsense, all that. They play it up like he survived the crash and found his way home because it's only been like, a week, if that, since the Valkryie went down.

Steve gets Howard and Peggy to help him look for Bucky. He has a vague idea of where he should be at this point, but no solid details, so it takes a little while. This derails any interest Howard had in the Manhattan Project, especially since Steve is Very Vocal about his hatred of the idea.

(Now, I dont have the knowledge to even begin to theorize what would have happened in a reality where Steve Rogers was around to Loudly and Publicly as Captain America declare his disapproval of something as huge and significant as the Manhattan Project. For the sake of my brain, we are going to say that they met a lot more resistance than they otherwise would have, but it still happened because the American Government is awful.)

They find Bucky within a few years of Steve's crash and survival. Obviously he's still all kinds of fucked up because of torture, experimentation, cryo, etc. But 5-6 years is a whole he'll of a lot different than 70+. Shield still gets built, honestly Steve couldn't imagine it with any other name, but Bucky's return reveals that Hydra is still around and that Operation Paperclip was a bad idea (Zola). So they clean house early. Peggy becomes Director because Howard is to busy with his tech, and Steve and Bucky both said no. They do work for the newly built Shield though, running ops and hunting Hydra. They also might as well be married. Its still illegal for the time, so they're careful, but all the people who matter to them know and none of them care that the Captain and his Sargeant are doing the horizontal mambo.

Steve was friends with Tony, even if it didn't work out that well. And for all their differences, well earned and understandable, Tony and Howard had a lot more in common than Tony would ever want to admit. So Steve learns from the mistakes he made with Tony, and keeps Howard from turning into the monster he was in Tony's memories.

He mother hen's Howard into drinking less, drags him out to socialize more(Bucky is a huge help with that), calls him out when he's being a dick, and puts him in his place when his ego, or his head, gets too big for his britches.

Howard gets Steve to actually sell his art, builds him neat gadgets and armor, teases him to no end about Bucky, and is consistently endangering both of their lives on his never ending quest to get Steve drunk. (Bucky might have more sense than both of them, but he's also an adrenaline junkie with a hard-on for mechanical anything, so he is no help whatsoever and Peggy constantly despaired that the fate of the world lies with these overgrown children.)

When Howard marries Maria, Steve stands up for him at the wedding. The first time Howard made Maria cry because he ignored her/forgot something important/said something mean without meaning too, Steve beat him over the head and gave him a Captain America lecture, made Howard bake an apology cake himself, then dragged Howard back to Stark manner to apologize. The second time it happened, Bucky showed up in whatever place Howard had fallen asleep, dressed in full combat gear, cussed him out in Russian and threatened to shoot him. The third and last time it happened, Peggy showed up in Howard's lab, had him tied up before he even new she was there, and calmly informed him of exactly how she would torture him into a slow and agonizing death, as well as how exactly, she would get away with it.

Howard still forgot things, and could be careless with his time, but they never let him get bad, never let him forget how much he Did Not deserve Maria. And when Tony was born they were there for him. Steve refused to let Howard ignore his son, dragged him (figuratively) the first time Howard showed any sign of jealousy towards Tony. It wasn't perfect, nothing could be. But this Tony would grow up with a bumbling inventor of a father who was only forgetful and easily distracted, rather than an alcholic with a mean streak. He would have a mother who wasn't afraid of her husband and would love him even if she didn't always understand him.

He would have a godfather, his Uncle Steve, who would teach him to fight, to stand up for what was right no matter what, who would play games with him, paint with him, love him.

He would have his Uncle Bucky, who would share his interest in all things mechanical, would listen to music with him, take apart and build machines with him, teach him dirty jokes and play pranks on his Dad or Uncle Steve, who would listen to all of his ideas and tell him he could do anything.

He would have his godmother, Aunt Peggy, who would teach him how to play the game that is high society, would teach him how to charm the socks (rather pants) off of anyone, male, female, or otherwise, who would help him when emotions got to difficult, or people didn't make sense the way he thought they should.

Steve would find the others too. Phil did alright on his own, but everyone else...

Shield would be looking for the Red Room from the start. Maybe they find Natasha as a child, or a teenager, but they would find her, because Steve would want to save her after all the times she saved him. She would get placed with a loving family, probably a shield agent and their spouse. She would have therapy, but even a couple of years with the Red Room would mess her up. She would eventually end up an agent herself, still the Black Widow, just a little less damaged. A hero because she wants to be, knows what it means to be saved by one, rather than a way to repent and repay the lives that she took.

They would find Clint probably around the time Barney and Trickshot turned on him, before he had a chance to start on his mercenary career. Therapy, maybe a shield agent foster parent for a year or two depending on his age. They would make no secret about recruiting him, but he would jump at it. Nat would probably already be there, and nothing would stop that friendship. Coulson is probably a few years ahead of them, though not many, and if there is anyone who could reign in Hawkeye, even a slightly less damaged version, it would be Phil Coulson.

Tony meets Bruce. Howard takes Steve's admittedly limited knowledge of Bruce's past and tracks down the kid. Creates a scholarship to get him to a private school and away from his dad. They meet at a Stark expo in their early teens and immediately hit it off. Bruce is one of the only people who can keep up with Tony's genius. When Tony ends up at MIT (sometime between the ages of 14-16) Bruce ends up at Harvard. They share an apartment, because the dorms would have been a disastrous idea. Steve and Bucky live with them because they might be super geniuses but you can't send two teenagers to live alone in another city Howard! Especially not when they have access to dangerous and/or explosive chemicals/tech!

Likely, Howard will still die at some point, probably from all the liquor. Fury will probably still end up as Shield's director because neither Steve or Bucky will want the responsibility. Tony will take over SI, but will still eventually hire Pepper, and eventually promote her, because running a company is never going to be his thing.

Bruce will probably still end up at Culver with Betty, if only because he's actually halfway decent at the whole teacher thing, and the Hulk incident will likely still happen one way or another. Having Steve Rogers alive would not stop men like Ross from wanting the serum. Instead of disappearing for years on end, He'll end up in Tony's tower in NYC. Tony will likely still be kidnapped, though he probably would not have the Obadiah Stane factor involved, and would still end up as Iron Man.

They would "find" the Steve still frozen and thaw him out around that time. Play it off like they found someone for Old Steve to pass the mantle onto. Give Young Steve a new identity, and a family in Old Steve and Bucky.

Young Steve would make friends with Tony, would have time to grieve his lost world without an alien invasion. Would move into the tower and mother hen Tony the way Old Steve used to do to Howard. Tony would not have all the Cap resentment he did in the original timeline, so he would get to know Young Steve as just Steve. Would be able to see him as an entirely seperate person from his godfather, because they are two separate people. Young Steve and Tony would fall in love.

Even if they weren't running it Old Steve and Bucky would still have a hand in Shiled. Would keep an eye on Natasha and Clint. They would have likely met Tony, Bruce, and Young Steve. So when the Chitauri roll in, the only one that wouldn't already be a part of the group is Thor and he fits in seamlessly. Coulson might still get hurt, but Fury wouldn't have to fake his death, because the Avengers would have been a team years before they were needed.

And when the time came to face Thanos again, they would do it as a united front, and they would win. Because together, they are unstoppable.

#avengers #avengers endgame #avengers endame spoilers #endgame fix it #tony x steve #stevebucky #steve rogers #stevetony #stony #stucky

[i-breathe-therefore-i-read]

Beautiful Bastard Series by Christina Lauren

An ambitious intern. A perfectionist executive. And a whole lot of name calling. Whip-smart, hardworking, and on her way to an MBA, Chloe Mills has only one problem: her boss, Bennett Ryan. He's exacting, blunt, inconsiderate—and completely irresistible. A Beautiful Bastard. Bennett has returned to Chicago from France to take a vital role in his family's massive media business. He never expected that the assistant who'd been helping him from abroad was the gorgeous, innocently provocative—completely infuriating—creature he now has to see every day. Despite the rumors, he's never been one for a workplace hookup. But Chloe's so tempting he's willing to bend the rules—or outright smash them—if it means he can have her. All over the office. As their appetites for one another increase to a breaking point, Bennett and Chloe must decide exactly what they're willing to lose in order to win each other.

*What I thought: 4 out of 5 stars

read: 6/19

It’s so trashy and a bad representation of how a relationship works but I couldn’t stop reading it. I was addicted to it. lol

There was definitely some things Bennett did, I was not okay with. He’s the type  of man I want to stay far away from. Chloe doesn’t put up with his BS so I guess that’s why they work. It’a such a weird relationship. I mean there was cute moments between them but mostly it was just mainly panty ripping sex. What’s up with that fetish anyway? Cute underwear is expensive and I would be pissed if someone kept doing that!

I liked how it ended. Their relationship was a lot better than how it started. 

Just when Chloe’s career starts to take off, Bennett wishes it would all slow down long enough to spend a wild night alone with his girlfriend. But after he refuses to take no for an answer, Chloe and Bennett find themselves with two plane tickets, one French Villa, and a surprising conversation that, predictably, leaves them wrestling under the covers. 

*What I thought: 3 out of 5 stars

read: 7/19

I thought this was just okay. Honestly I wished I didn't buy it or read it because I don't think it added more to the characters. I did like it showed a glimpse of Max.

Escaping a cheating ex, finance whiz Sara Dillon’s moved to New York City and is looking for excitement and passion without a lot of strings attached. So meeting the irresistible, sexy Brit at a dance club should have meant nothing more than a night’s fun. But the manner—and speed—with which he melts her inhibitions turns him from a one-time hookup and into her Beautiful Stranger. The whole city knows that Max Stella loves women, not that he’s ever found one he particularly wants to keep around. Despite pulling in plenty with his Wall Street bad boy charm, it’s not until Sara—and the wild photos she lets him take of her—that he starts wondering if there’s someone for him outside of the bedroom. Hooking up in places where anybody could catch them, the only thing scarier for Sara than getting caught in public is having Max get too close in private.

*What I thought: 4 out of 5 stars

read: 7/19

I didn’t think anybody could top an underwear fetish but boy was I wrong! Max and Sara were some exhibitionists! I liked Sara’s whole mentality of just having fun because her ex-fiancee was a douche canoe. I loved the moment when Sara realized that he wasn’t a stranger that’ll she’ll never see again. lol

I really liked Max. He was a perfect match for her kinkiness. lol I like that it was Max that was pursuing for more unlike most stories it’s the girl. 

Overall I like the growth of both the characters and their relationship. The only thing that I didn't like was how come password protection was not put on devices?!? Private things wouldn’t have gotten out!! Gah the embarrassment! lol

When Max, Henry, and Will steal Bennett away for a weekend of shenanigans and strippers in Vegas, the first stop of the night doesn’t go at all as planned. With their scheme for a Guys Weekend completely derailed anyway, Max and Bennett begin to play a wild game of stealth and secrecy in order to have their bombshells all over Sin City.

*What I thought: 4.5 out of 5 stars

read: 7/19

I really liked reading their shenanigans in Vegas. Bennett and Max were hilarious with trying to sneak out to find their ladies to have some fun. ;)

A bombshell bookworm. A chronic Casanova. And a lesson in chemistry too scandalous for school. When Hanna Bergstrom receives a lecture from her overprotective brother about neglecting her social life and burying herself in grad school, she’s determined to tackle his implied assignment: get out, make friends, start dating. And who better to turn her into the sultry siren every man wants than her brother’s gorgeous best friend, Will Sumner, venture capitalist and unapologetic playboy? Will takes risks for a living, but he’s skeptical about this challenge of Hanna’s…until the wild night his innocently seductive pupil tempts him into bed- and teaches him a thing or two about being with a woman he can’t forget. Now that Hanna’s discovered the power of her own sex appeal, it’s up to Will to prove he’s the only man she’ll ever need.

*What I thought: 5 out of 5 stars

read: 7/19

So far this is my favorite one! I absolutely loved Hanna and Will. I loved Hanna’s blunt, no filter personality. There was so many things she just spouted out that had my eyes bugging out. I laughed so much at what came out of her mouth lol. I loved how much she tried to do things she normally wouldn’t have.

I couldn’t wait to read about Will because in the past books, he wasn’t really in it. Just little bits. So I was super excited to see how he works. I liked that he wasn’t a complete man whore like his buddies were. He’s a schedule man which I never heard of.

I really loved reading how their relationship blossomed from his best buddy’s kid sister until them getting all hot and heavy. I laughed when Hanna’s family became suspicious of their relationship by calling her by her name and not her nickname. lol

Overall, two thumbs up.

An exasperated bride who just wants to elope. A determined groom whose only focus is getting to the wedding night. And—of course—a whole lot of name calling.

*What I thought: 4 out of 5 stars

read: 7/19

I liked it though Bennett and Chloe are my least favorite of the couples so far. They’re just too intense and angry for my romantic heart lol. I like the shenanigans with Chloe’s aunts lol. I’m so glad I don’t have any ladies like that in my family lol. I laughed so much with what Bennett told them to do. Now after reading this....I really need a story with just George. He’s probably my favorite minor character in any book. He’s so hilarious and I want him to have something too! Whenever he’s in the scene, I wished there was more of him. Give my George!

When Ruby Miller’s boss announces he’s sending her on an extended business trip to New York City, she’s shocked. As one of the best and brightest young engineers in London, she knows she’s professionally up to the task. The part that’s throwing her is where she’ll be spending a month up close and personal working alongside—and staying in a hotel with—Niall Stella, her firm’s top urban planning executive and The Hottest Man Alive. Despite her ongoing crush, Ruby is certain Niall barely knows she’s alive…until their flirty overnight flight makes him sit up and take notice. Not one for letting loose and breaking rules, recently divorced Niall would describe himself as hopeless when it comes to women. But even he knows outgoing California-girl Ruby is a breath of fresh air. Once she makes it her mission to help the sexy Brit loosen his tie, there’s no turning back. Thousands of miles from London, it’s easy for the lovers to play pretend. But when the trip is over, will the relationship they’ve built up fall down?

*What I thought: 3.5 out of 5 stars

read: 7/19

I really liked that Niall was the least experienced out of all the boys in the series. Kinda refreshing when the main guy in the story isn’t a playboy. Every time I read stories of men getting around, all I think of is that they're walking std’s. lol

While I liked Ruby, I also got weirded out on how obsessive she was towards Niall. It got awkward at times. I like how she’s understanding with how Niall is because his ex-wife messed with his head but then at times, she’s pushing for more than he is ready for. Like girl we know you’ve married him in your mind since meeting him and writing his name in your notebook but give the man some time to come to terms with a failed relationship he had for half of his life! 

Completely off topic but why do most romance stories the couples never wear condoms? Like most of these couples in this series seem like they never heard of them or they mention I’ve never done this before with others but want to with their partner. I guess that’s how we know ‘it’s true luv 4ever’ 🙄

One Player tamed. One nerd girl satisfied. And one more major life decision to make. When Will fell for Hanna, her quirky sense of humor and fierce dedication to her career were part of the attraction. (Not to mention her coy newbie attitude toward sex and her willingness to let him teach her everything.) But when the job offers start rolling in for her—and oh, they do—Hanna has trouble deciding what she wants, where they should live, and how much she should burden Will with the decision. Magic between the sheets is only one part of a relationship...getting on the same page is quite another altogether.

*What I thought: 2 out of 5 stars

read: 7/19

I was a little disappointed with this because I love Will and Hanna. I really liked the beginning with them getting married but quickly got bored with reading about Hanna being indecisive with where she wants to work at. I ended up skimming the book.

Oh wait, there was a one scene where the group all drinks together and there was this one part with George getting a kiss he’ll remember forever, that was the best. lol

#beautiful bastard series #beautiful bastard #beautiful bitch #beautiful stranger #beautiful bombshell #beautiful player #beautiful beginning #beautiful secret #beautiful boss #my bookish thoughts

[rosesutherlandwrites]

Art Meme Thingy

i was tagged by the AMAZING @thecandlesticksfromlesmis which is delightful as I didn’t realise i was really on your radar and I think you’re hella cool? And yes, I did draw my avatar. I am really amused to get tagged in on art things because...I draw so seldom, and until my recent tumblr rumblings, hadn’t done since I did an art class in high school. So--I am very flattered! 

1. one insecurity Is anything I do interesting/original enough that anyone even wants to see it?

2. Two fears - my work is never quite what I WANT it to be -that people will make fun of my stuff or tell me it’s crap (which has happened but I was a CHILD and you’d think by now I might have moved past that a little? it’s ridiculous)

3. Three (Art) Turn-Ons

-LIGHT I LOVE LIGHT -when one person in a scene is looking right at you as if they are totally aware they are in a work of art and are being looked at, while around them everyone else is just doing their thing. -feeling like i am looking into a real life.

4. Four Life Fandom/Art Goals - become someone who creates things more regularly and not just now and then when i hammer out a few minutes because I really should try and remind people i have creative interests - Actually make some progress on my original non-fandom work, because I am in love with it as an idea but “real life” has been derailing me badly. - find a fantastic group of people like my tumblr pals who are actually closer to me so that i can occasionally geek out freely in the flesh and not just online. - finally do a play or musical again, because my back to school/multiple moves in a short time/total career change has kept me from that and I miss it BADLY (going from someone who works in theatre/film and did multiple projects in a year to not being involved in anything for three years straight is painful to my soul)

5. Five Things I Like Drawing?? - People. ALWAYS PEOPLE

-people surrounded by things that tell me stuff about who they are - Fantasy creatures. not as much now, but I used to adore this--elves, fairies, centaurs. - interesting expressions and movements--although I am very bad at getting them to be accurate

- pretty details--things like halos, or the hems of dresses.

6. Six Weaknesses

- i’m a fucking perfectionist and it stresses me out LET THINGS BE WHAT THEY ARE (I’m keeping this because UGH ME TOOO_ - i put too much value into what other people think of my work, like if it makes me happy that should be enough (are we the same person? really) - I want things to be good right away and have hard time making myself practice things I am not already good at. - I have such a hard time settling down and focusing to work on stuff.

(if ppl are assholes i refuse to work with them, and i feel like in this industry that’s a weakness? even if they are super super good at what they do I just can’t tolerate dickheads and i rarely ever give them a second chance which is unfair--an aside: GOOD FOR YOU! I would rather work with a director like that any day of the week and if more people were like that the entire performing arts industry would be way less full of toxic disgusting bullshit PLEASE NEVER CHANGE)

- I have too many interests and i am one of those people who is blessed/cursed with being at least okay at a lot of different kinds of artistic things, but it makes me slightly--I obsess about dance for a year, and then singing for six months, and then spend two weeks drawing every damn day, and then i take a class in stage combat and get nutty about that, and then I write all night for three weeks straight, and so on and so on.And then i decide i need to make a perfect croissant. It’s interesting, but it isn’t necessarily great for following through an anything. -i hate having to try and make any sort of a profit off of my creative stuff? because it makes me super anxious and totally blocks me. it’s why i stopped acting professionally. so i am trying to learn to just have hobbies and it turns out i am bad at not taking everything painfully seriously

7. Seven things I love

(this is less about my specific work and more about content in general) -COLLABORATION (i love i love i love) -people that reblog my shit and write in the tags talking specifically to me knowing that i’m creeping on the reblogs   -seeing peoples work that is in styles I could never hope to replicate and would never have come up with -Cosplay Cosplay Cosplay why do i have no money or sewing skills or other friends closely with whom I can Cosplay!!!

-everyone’s different interpretations of characters. even if it doesn’t match my own imaginings i still think it’s cool and interesting and so much fun -wild aus and crazily spiralling fandom jokes. -finding new things to love based on the things my mutuals are doing and loving that I haven’t heard of (like I just finished reading The Cruel Prince because of @montparnassee and @petalproufaerie did a wicked cosplay for it? And I’m pretty sure the idea for my current WIP wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for @mysunfreckle’s fairytale aus, and @adorablecrab‘s art that references some of it. - aesthetic posts that have nothing to do with my fandoms but fill me with so much joy

8. Tag Eight people

I don’t really tag people in this stuff? because I would love to see what anyone who has the time and wants to do this has to say, but i hate feeling like I’m maybe leaving people out. So if you want to join, join! Please! and tag me so i see it and get to know you better!

#laughingmistress does memes #tag game? ask game? a game #long af #secondhand rose #me and the arts

[scrawnydutchman]

Why “Super Best Friends Play” is the Hypest Let’s Play Channel on Youtube

Let’s players are a popular, albeit divisive lot on youtube. On one hand, many go on record saying the Let’s Play format is cheap, lazy and maybe even a bit exploitative, as when it comes down to it it’s basically just some random people playing a game you could play yourself instead. On the other hand, many others love Let’s Players because they think there’s something endearing about seeing other people experience the things you love in their own unique way and it’s a very down to earth way to get to know some of your favorite online personalities. So where do I land on this? Well, I think Let’s Play is like any other format in that there’s a right and wrong way to do it. If you fall into basic tropes you can tend to blend in with other generic personalities in your field. If you do it, you gotta have a charm and an appeal that really stands out and can grow a dedicated fan base if not a particularly large one. That’s where Super Best Friends come in. I’ve been following the shenanigans of Matt, Pat & Woolie (and for a time Liam) ever since I first saw the Machinima episode on Spider-Man games I’ve had years of entertainment that both genuinely intrigues me on some solid game design and makes me laugh to tears. The Best Friends Zaibatsu are some of the earliest pioneers of the “group” format of Let’s Play in the same vain as Game Grumps, Achievement Hunter and Funhaus, where the appeal is not in a single persons interaction with a game but in a groups interaction with both the game and each other. It reignites the feelings of playing alongside a good friend and having some laughs fucking around with a videogame. But even with the charming concept of watching some good friends bond over their love for media, it wouldn’t work if important elements weren’t in play. Super Best Friends Play is the hypest Let’s Play channel on youtube for the following reasons: They have distinct likable personalities, they give genuinely interesting insight on the games they play, they’re downright hilarious, they genuinely put in effort for their presentation and they use their means to hugely benefit other communities.

Likable Personalities

The format of group let’s play is arguably a completely different ballpark than just doing a let’s play by yourself because it conveys a different challenge. The challenge is to be entertaining as part of a group, NOT to be funny on your own. It’s easier said than done because there are many cases in which one member receives way too much attention or another is becoming increasingly toxic. It’s why removing and adding new members to your group can be such a risky move for your fan communities; the chemistry of the group becomes completely different (Dan-era Game Grumps is an entirely different beast from Jon-era Game Grumps). Luckily the Best Friends have wonderful chemistry with each other that never gets old. Matt’s always the endearing leading man with the golden laugh, bottomless bag of Simpsons references and hilariously derailing one liners. Pat always brings his deadpan wit and sarcastic tone (and makes for a great straight man as a result). Woolie is the Zaibatsu’s hype man; knowing how to make any epic moment a million times better with his reactions. Former member Liam was often the quiet sensible one but when he got a laugh MAN was it a big laugh. They’re all such colliding personalities but they come together in such an endearing way that makes the whole experience lovable but not overbearing. These guys are a fundamental part of my sense of humor today. It’s the reason that unlike other let’s play series on Youtube the Zaibatsu let’s plays have great rewatch value. It also helps that they actually complete most of the playthroughs they start (cough *Game Grumps* cough). Whether they’re referencing old media, getting hype over a great game moment, laughing their asses off or are getting in stupid arguments (I recommend the “shitting pants” argument from the L.A. Noire series) watching the Best Friends is always a great time.

Great Insight on Games

So remember that old anti Let’s Play argument about how commentating over recorded game play is so easy anyone can do it? Well, I have a rebuttal. Yes, anyone can do it . . . that doesn’t mean everyone SHOULD do it. Aside from personality being a driving incentive for anyone to sit through a 10 minute video of some random person playing Detroit: Become Human, one would argue you should also present some knowledge of the game you’re playing. Otherwise it doesn’t matter what game you’re playing; there’s nothing distinguishing one let’s play series from another. Every episode of Conan O’Brien’s Clueless Gamer is just Conan’s unfunny improv set to canned audience laughter as he does a show out of necessity and not out of passion. Not knowing about the game can also cause other impeding issues such as the series taking forever to progress or the player becoming unlikable as they disregard fundamental aspects of the game (DarkSydePhil). When it comes to knowing something about the games they play, Super Best Friends not only express intoxicating passion for the medium but also express some applied knowledge on game design which makes for more interesting commentary. It’s very appropriate since the lot have been game testers on a number of titles. Whenever they have something to say about how to activate bugs, tight controls, decent polish on mechanics or even how well the games narrative is woven into the gameplay it teaches me a little more about how the medium works. They’re also clearly very passionate about their favorite franchises, such as Matt’s take on the Final Fight series above (I recommend you check out all of the Best Friends independent channels btw, which I will link to below):

Matt: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiP_FwGyJQ_6P8k5ON5mncQ

Pat: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpmNJI_KhjkpXw1UPmtC3-Q

Woolie: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyOJzQzyDGihKpTO3-zyhYg

Liam: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7zkWVkHBSMGpfHVgaFqr1A

They’re Downright Hilarious

I really don’t have a lot to say here. I know humor is largely subjective and these guys spout so many obscure references you may not even get a lot of them, but . . .goddamn . . I don’t think anybody on the entirety of Youtube has made me laugh as hard or as consistently as these guys. For the best of the best, I recommend their Spider-Man Machinima episode (my introduction to them), the Punch Out Outtakes (which oddly enough is funnier than the actual episode) Their L.A. Noire playthrough, Their Punisher Playthrough and their Gang Beasts Fisticuffs. You can see all you need to know about their chemistry, wit and delivery. Links to all below

Spider-Man: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gea09ImEtmM

Punch-Out!!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOwQXNxcRRM

L.A. Noire: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bPqjD_zg5g

Punisher: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wznGw9fJNCc

Gang Beasts: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhFGjK_ZUEk

They Put In Effort For Their Presentation/They Largely Benefit Other Communities

*this is just one of many outstanding animated intros commissioned by Super Best Friends, courtesy of Volta Bass*

If there’s one thing I can always use as a defense for most Let’s Play internet celebrities, it’s that they use their means to really benefit other communities. Say what you want about Markiplier, but there’s a reason he was awarded celebrity of the year by the Make-a-Wish foundation. Say what you will about Ihascupquake but she played a fundamental role in launching Jaiden Animations very successful career. Needless to say the popularity of Let’s Players has had a hugely positive effect on countless communities and that’s something we could always use more of, especially in an age where a lot of role models are . . . not great.

Super Best Friends is not only a great example of this, but is probably the best example I can think of. Why? Because they do more to benefit both the indie game community and the animation community than any other let’s player despite being one of the smaller channels out there (criminally small I might add). T.E.C 3001, Skullgirls, Shovel Knight and Divekick ALL owe a great deal of their success to the Zaibatsu’s funding and influence and each game has some sort of mention of them attributed. Also, as an animator myself I HIGHLY appreciate the Zaibatsu for their regular employment of animation talent like 2Snacks, Plague of Gripes, CrankyConstruct and Volta Bass. Because of how much they hire such talent every new series has a stunningly gorgeous intro and outro for each episode. These guys are an indication that some Let’s Play Channels larger than them have to STEP UP THEIR GAME when it comes to hiring talent and making strides in the indie community. *P.S, if anyone in the Zaibatsu is reading this, I would be honored if you would have me do an animated intro/outro for a series. Just say the word and I’m there*. 

But their effort doesn’t stop at hiring other talent. They also do great in providing their own entertaining edited content. Just look at this intro they made for Saturday 

Morning Scrublords: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljDcHWHKueM&t=286s

One will notice this hilarious intro is a parody of their already amazing intro for Friday Night Fisticuffs. And this isn’t the only variation of the intro they’ve ever done either. That’s what I like about these guys the most; they’re genuinely passionate about being entertaining. They aren’t just let’s players; they do a little but of everything from sketches to animated adventures to podcasts to livestreams. You can tell they have a huge blast doing all of it.

In conclusion, if anyone wants to start a genuinely entertaining Let’s Play Channel, they ought to take some notes from the Best Friends. They’re great because they diversify, they put their money and time into making great content, they have solid insight, clear passion and they’re goddamn hilarious. For these reasons, they will always be the HYPEST LET’S PLAY CHANNEL ON YOUTUBE.

#youtube #youtubers #machinima #internet #super best friends play #super best friends zaibatsu #super best friendcast #two best friends play #two best friends zaibatsu #let's play #video games #matt mcmuscles #pat stares at #woolie #rising super stream

[gamzee]

cherrider replied to your post “Not to be a gamer apologist re; kda but don't be tempted by overly...”

whats this post about? whats going on

Whoops, sorry for doing the thing where I assumed context. I wanted to write a longer post anyway, so here I go.

Riot put out a video to announce a new AU/skin line for League of Legends, and some time later this post appeared on Tumblr. There’s a following reblog about how people should know better than to give Riot “free advertising,” which I disagree with for a few praxis reasons I’ll get to later.

For starters, you might notice OP has deactivated. This is probably because this amount of attention is, understandably, super intimidating. Not because they were lying, as some people have theorized.

But a lot of people are misunderstanding what the story was. It’s really hard to say for sure, but it sounds like they worked on the launch of the original Akali champion release in 2010. I’m assuming this from the references to “without bugs,” engineering, and the amount of work you’d encounter in a crunch associated with a project as big as a character launch.

(Oh whoops, looked into it & confirmed.)

2010 is about half a year after the launch of the original game. Major cuts to staff after the first year of a title (especially after the launch of large content patches) are super, super common, and super, super horrible. People get their lives and careers derailed; buy a bunch of people for a year, burn them out, let them go. (Or, keep firing the old development teams and hire on younger/cheaper people five years later, rinse & repeat.) If you’re lucky, a studio will be up front about how long they intend to keep you on. But a lot of people across many studios were very unlucky over the last ten years. It’s also not unique to Riot. Telltale games just closed with no severance to its 250+ employees. Motiga had to shut down this year when their project Gigantic under-performed. Activision laid off 5% of its workforce last year even though it exceeded its quarterly goals. 

(What is semi-unique to Riot is the recent exposure done on its work culture.)

Part of this is that a studio won’t stay open unless it has another project on the “conveyer belt,” and it’s harder to get funding if your last title flopped. Another part is about how much labor the game industry needs and how much instability it has to create in its workforce in order to get it. Another part is that while you have a job, you’re usually pretty well paid, or you have the option of getting better work in tech, so the industry hasn’t properly unionized yet.

And now we get to the part where I get to be contentious and initially kind of mean; it doesn’t matter if you do or do not reblog (or enjoy, or make fan content of) K/DA, as long as you’re not actively a brand apologist to justify doing it. And at the risk of speaking for game artists, these are real people who put real work and love into things they want you to enjoy. Just don’t write off the conditions developers at Riot (and at any game company) are under.

But for a completely different reason, talking up the importance of individual taste here can be kind of irresponsible, especially if that’s where you stop. It’s fine if you can’t enjoy the video or the game knowing what’s going on at Riot and in the industry. But it’s also pretty meaningless. That’s what I meant by “overly individualist resistance strategies.” Even a boycott with no organization and no demands would only hurt the most vulnerable employees. These kinds of things need coalitions-- “no ethical consumption under capitalism” means you can’t consume (or not consume) your way out of capitalism.

So what do you do? Normalize unions, both inside and outside the game industry. Get involved in a local union if you can, support local strikes. If there is a strike in the games industry, do not cross picket lines to buy products. Support developers and journalists that advocate unionization, and support them where everybody can see.

Full disclaimer so you all can judge whether or not I would know what I’m talking about, I got a degree in prep to enter the game industry and still keep abreast of it to see what my peers are up to, but for a few reasons didn’t end up there. Kinda glad for it, honestly.

#kda popstar #league of legends

[spine-buster]

I Thought You Might Be Mine (Ricochet) - Part III

May 31st, 2016 On a bullet train, somewhere in Japan

Iris never saw Trevor so attached to his phone in the two and a half years she had known him.  They were nearing the end of the Best of the Super Juniors tournament, and just a few days before, he’d had a match with Will Ospreay.  And good God almighty, was it a match.  Everybody was talking about it on social media.  Hundreds of gifs were being made of the match.  Everybody had something to say about it – good or bad.  It was probably the most buzz either men had received for a match in their careers.

Trevor was his own worst critic but in the hours that followed the match he was glued to every social media and wrestling site available on the internet.  Even Fox News had picked it up.  He didn’t really care about random news outlets and their opinions on it – he made that perfectly clear to her.  What mattered to him instead was the opinion of the wrestling community.  Vader had already voiced his extreme displeasure with the match, comparing the two men to high school gymnasts.

“You know, I keep watching the gifs,” she said, trying to get his eyes away from the screen.  What she said hadn’t been a lie.  She saw them being posted all over Twitter and Instagram and loved reliving the feeling of seeing it all live.  “They’re fucking awesome.”

Trevor temporarily ignored his phone to look at her.  Unlike most other time he looked at her, when she knew she had his undivided attention, she knew his mind was elsewhere now.  “What have you been reading?”

“The same things that you’ve been reading,” she rolled her eyes.  “Websites don’t change their content just because a wrestler reads them.”

“Vader keeps going off about it,” he grumbled as someone on the train bumped into him on their way to the washroom.  He let her have the window seat because he was a gentleman, even though he hated aisle seats.  “Keeps talking about changing the business.  I’m sorry I’m capable of more than just Vader bombs off the second rope.”

Iris couldn’t help but smirk at his attitude.  “Yeah, when are you gonna add that corkscrew to your 630, anyway?” she huffed.

He gave her major side-eye.  “Don’t you start too.”

“I’m joking Trev!  Jesus,” she defended herself.  “You’re really hung up about this, aren’t you?”

“Wouldn’t you be?”

Iris didn’t know what to answer with.  Trevor was probably one of the most hardworking people she knew, and he always told her she was one of the most hardworking people he knew outside of wrestling.  If thousands and thousands of people decided to shit on her job performance, she’d be pretty pissed off too.  “Listen, Trev…it’s like people who shit on teachers,” she began.  “If they’ve never worked with kids or teenagers before, their opinions are horseshit and completely irrelevant because they don’t know what it takes.  It’s the same with wrestling fans.  Unless they’re wrestlers too, on the same grind as you are, do their opinions really matter?  And, like, the people that do matter, like Chris Jericho and Stone Cold Steve Austen…they liked it!”

Trevor considered her words.  “I guess I never thought of it that way.”

Iris chuckled.  Of course he hadn’t.  If he had, he wouldn’t be obsessively checking his phone.  “Did you like it?”

“Yeah.”

“Did Cameron like it?”

“He loved it.”

“Then that’s all that matters, right?”

Iris watched as slowly, almost painstakingly slowly, a smile appeared on Trevor’s face.  After two and a half years of being best friends, she knew how his brain worked.  She wished he knew how his brain worked.  “You always find these ways of bringing the most basic logic into things that just makes sense all the time.  Why can’t my mind be like yours?”

“One of us has to be neurotic, Trev,” she joked.

“Nah, I mean it.  You’re not even in wrestling and you get wrestling.”

“It’s because I hang out with too many wrestlers.”

For the first time in what seemed like days, Trevor locked the screen on his phone and dedicated all of his attention to her.  “One day I’m gonna forget my head in the morning and not know what to do, and you’re just gonna swoop in and save me.”

Iris shook her head.  “No you won’t.  You’ll learn and you’ll grow.  You won’t need me – you don’t need me.  At least not as much as you think you do.”

“I don’t know about that,” Trevor shifted in his seat, smiling.  “You’re the only person in this world who keeps me sane, Iris.”

She didn’t know what to say.  What could she say?  She knew she was important to him, just as he was important to her.  She’d be lying if she said he didn’t keep her sane most of the time too – every time she’d remember she lived a four hour flight away from her boyfriend; anytime she remembered she lived a fourteen hour flight away from her family and friends; anytime when, despite her happiness in Tokyo, a sneaking feeling of loneliness would creep up on her and all she would have to do was text him and he’d make her feel not alone.  

She linked her arm through his and laid her head on his shoulder, not bothering to use the wall like she had intended when she begged for the window seat when they first got on the train.  Trevor’s arm rested along her body, his hand on her thigh, as she felt him lean his head on hers.  

She would miss this.

June 7, 2016 Sendai, Miyagi, Japan

When Trevor heard a knock on his door at 11:30 at night, the night that Will Ospreay was crowned the first Englishman and the youngest-ever winner of the Best of the Super Juniors, he didn’t know what to think.  He assumed it to be one of the guys but then he thought about how tired everyone was and how they were probably all already sleeping.  Then he thought it would be Matt or Nick, surprising him, maybe even Akira.  But when he opened the door and saw Iris, he was thoroughly shocked.

“Can we talk?” she asked quietly, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Of course,” he answered automatically, moving away from the door to let her in.  He watched as she entered the room and walked towards his bed, moving to sit down but then deciding against it.  She looked down at the floor and started pacing.  He was getting worried.  “What’s up?”

She looked up at him.  “Can you come here?”

He did as he was told.  He could feel the nervous energy radiating off of her and he started to become nervous too.  “What’s wrong?”

“I’m…I’m leaving.”

“You going back to Tokyo already?”

“No,” she shook her head.  “Trevor…I’m leaving Japan.”

Of all the languages she spoke, ‘I’m leaving Japan’ were the most foreign words to ever come out of her mouth.  He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard.  He couldn’t understand them anymore than he couldn’t understand French, or Italian, or any other language she knew.  “You’re what?”

“I can’t…I don’t really believe it either…but yeah,” she mumbled out.  “I’m leaving New Japan.  I’m leaving Japan.”

“What the hell?” was all Trevor could muster.  It wasn’t exactly polite but it was all he could say.  In his mind, it’s what the situation called for.

“Ryder…he got a job in New York City.  A promotion.  He’s moving in about six weeks --”

“Six weeks?”

“He’s going to be in New York City and I’ll be based in Orlando.  I’ve been hired by the WWE.”

Now Trevor really couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  “H…hold on,” he huffed out, sitting on the bed in pure confusion.  If he continued to stand he probably would have fallen over from shock.  “Start from the beginning.”

Iris took a deep breath.  “About six months ago, a position came up at Ryder’s work that he’s been dreaming about getting for years.  So when he applied and they interviewed him, they basically put him in the position temporarily to see if he could handle it.  And he passed with flying colours.  So when he finally got hired, they told him he’d have to move to New York City.”

“Just because Ryder’s going doesn’t mean you have to go,” Trevor said.

“I know.  But then, around that same time, Nick heard from Matt, who heard from Chris, who heard from Rami…anyway, through the grapevine, I heard that the Performance Centre was hiring for a position similar to mine, for all the international recruits they have and anticipate getting.  Ryder thought I should apply, because then that would mean we would both move to the States…and I did.  New Japan gave a sparkling reference.  And lo and behold…”

Trevor was happy for her.  He really was.  He knew he wasn’t exactly acting like it, but he was happy if she was happy.  He just knew how much she adored living in Japan and how much she loved her work here.  He couldn’t help but wonder to himself that if the job hadn’t come up in WWE, if Iris would have followed Ryder to New York City or if she would have stayed in Japan.  He wanted to think she would have chosen to dump Ryder and continue living her dream, but that was all heresy now.  Because that meant, in some small fraction in his mind, if she chose Japan over New York City, it meant that she chose him --

“It’s just that we’ll be on the same damn landmass again,” Iris said, wiping a tear, obviously referring to Ryder.  Trevor nodded his head, despite his previous thoughts wishing she would leave him.  “We’d be in the same country.  It’s only a two and a half hour flight.  We’d be able to see each other more often…”

“Hey, c’mere,” he said, reaching out for her hands and holding them in his.  He looked into her eyes and saw how red they were becoming and wished she would stop crying.  He hated seeing her cry.  “I’m proud of you, okay?  I’m so proud of you.  And I want you to be happy.  I’m just shocked.”

She sat down on the bed beside him, turning to face him immediately.  “I know you know how much I love Japan,” she said.  “But I couldn’t bring myself to tell you any earlier.  You were so wrapped up with the Ospreay match stuff and the tournament as a whole and I didn’t want to derail you.  It wasn’t a good time.”

“It’s never a good time to tell me you’re leaving Japan,” Trevor commented, causing Iris to smile slightly for the first time that evening.  He rubbed the backs of her hands with his thumbs tenderly.  “But he’s not taking you away from me.  You’re…you’re not being taken away from me.  Instead of Japan being our thing, the States will have to be our thing now.”

She let out a small chuckle.  “Japan’s always gonna be our thing, Trev,” she said.  “Unless you get signed at the PC.  Do you want to come too?”

Trevor snorted, leaning forward to hug her.  “I’m gonna follow you wherever you go,” he said as their bodies were entwined with each other’s in their embrace.  “You’re never getting rid of me.”

Neither were quick to let go of the hug.  Iris wasn’t quick to lose the warmth of his body on hers, and Trevor wasn’t quick to lose the intoxicating coconut smell of her hair in his lungs.  It was Iris who chose to move closer to him, practically sitting on his lap and nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck.  They stayed like that for a while; Trevor beginning to realize and understand the ramifications of her new job and big move; Iris beginning to realize how much different the next stage of her life would be in comparison to where she was now.  

“Can we lie down together, Trev?” her voice filled the void.

His favourite thing in the world.  Was he really going to say no?

Without saying a word, they moved their bodies further onto the bed, never letting go of one another.  Trevor lay down on his back while Iris moved to lay her head on his chest, resting a leg between his.  He wrapped both his arms around her, pulling her close.  

“Trev?”

“Mhm?”

“I’d never want to get rid of you,” she said softly.

“I know.”

“Japan’s been really special to us, huh?” she asked.  “We’ve made so many amazing memories here.”

“Damn right we have.”

“Can you promise we’ll make amazing memories in Orlando too?  Or wherever we find ourselves together?”

Trevor kissed her forehead, leaving his lips against her skin.  “I promise.”

@wrestlewriting @wrasslin-x @thegenericluchadora@thewriterformerlytaggedas@fan-fiction-galore @anerdysouthernbelle @spot-of-bother @amaranthine-reign@baleesi @flnnbalor @smuppies@sarahmatthews7 @daintymissdevitt@newjapan @corey-renee @running-ropes @balorsomega @karleedaniels27@kazuchika @ileana0300 @alexahood21@ohcristimhookedonhavocimsodunne@fembxt @heelturn-timesten@kaitlynwwefan @50shadesofadamcolebaybay@50shadesofkennyomega@chasingeverybreakingwave @thyestean-feast @thecandicej @devittsbalor@sp00kylesley @danahart @sietefinns@kaydee-kayyyy @powerbombshell@swedish-strong-style @blondekel77@irish-newzealand-idian-dutch@nickysmum1909 @houndofjustice-imagines @wwesmutdonedirtcheap@wweximaginesxd @indywrestlinglover-life @mandi512 @kakakatey@ourscratcheddreams @sleeplessandcynical @badame124 @thevixeniris@fabulousrockstar @lunatic-sambrose @writing-reigns @caramara3

#ricochet #ricochet imagine #ricochet fic #ricochet fan fic #ricochet fan fiction #ricochet fanfic #ricochet fanfiction #wwe #wwe imagine #wwe fic #wwe fan fic #wwe fan fictio #wwe fanfic #wwe fanfiction #itymbm series

[leaflovescloud]

Morning, world

Morning, Winnie. How are you? 

Hmm, I’m feeling a tad bit better today. Honestly, as much as I want to, I really don’t want to force my recovery. But I know I’m definitely doing it. But just couldn’t really help it. 

And it’s definitely a bit harder, when our relationship comprised of mainly sad memories or rather, sad reality. The more I think about it, the more I feel sad. 

Just thought it was really a mistake. I think it’s a mistake done by both of us. 

If I were to turn back time, I didn’t think I will say yes at the first place. Perhaps, last time I didn’t want to feel bad for rejecting him, but what I should do at the first place is really to listen to my heart. If my heart thinks it’s not the right time, then it is not. 

The reason why I’m feeling better today, is that I know, I’m not the right one for him and he is not the right one for me. And, it is just as simple as that. 

There is nothing that I can do. There is no way that we could have our initial feelings back. A glance on how things used to be and right now, the differences are drastic, and to a certain extent made me feel a little bit nauseous. I don’t know why God chose this path for both of us, a significant derailing from how it should be, and I can only think, there is a reason behind this. 

Moving forward, I would like to work on myself. 

Since, I have also discovered a lot of things to work on. 

Sometimes I think, what do I seek in a relationship and how I want to be loved. Honestly, will I have answers for that? I guess this period is for me to find out. 

Yesterday, I talked to Koh. And he thinks that I have turned into a girl who is not confident and think very little of herself. And I told him, I was never confident in my entire life lol, be it appearance, studies, work, skills. 

And he told me, when I first joined my firm, I was the center of attention, and it’s natural, not because of my appearance but because of how confident I was back then. 

I think it’s not because I was confident? But I was really happy, contended, grounded back that. And always the fun ones to hang out with, free spirited etc. It’s true, I’m not like that anymore and I seek to find myself again. But was that truly me? I don’t know, but I would like to think so. 

And for some reasons, I feel like God doesn’t want me to have both career and relationship together LOL. This year, I got into accident and I lost my relationship. But to a certain extent, my career or my ability at work was soaring high. 

Last year, I found him, but a lot of bad things happened in my work place. i suffered for a while and I found the balance. And then, my accident.

I guess, what I have to say is, for a guy to have his love changed 6 months down the road, one reason is that he has never truly loved me, second reason is that he may have loved me for the wrong reason, therefore, he suffered and he could not love me anymore. 

I shouldn’t be feeling to sad for neither the first reason or the second reason. Because it is not the genuine and organic love to begin with. And the effect of losing it shouldn’t be taking a toll on me. 

I think the reason why I still do feel that I have a bond with Jackie from time to time, is probably because I feel what we had was very real and genuine. I say this is of course without the benefit of what had happened between Chris and I happens the same way on Jackie and I. But I’m just saying that I cling on the past for so long, since 2019 till now, simply because what we had is real, and it’s sad for losing it. 

On the other hand, for what had happened between Chris and I, it’s tricky. It appears to be real, but actually, it’s not. And I’m not even sure throughout, how I have been manipulated in this relationship. He is a sweet talker and he knows his way to people’s heart. 

So it is going to back to the same reason - We are just not meant for each other. 

Knowing this, do give my heart some comfort. And I want to take some time to digest it. 

And if I were to describe his love to me, I would think at first it was loving me for the wrong reason to an obligatory love. Perhaps it’s not wrong to say he may have loved me like I’m his daughter LOL. A lil creepy but well. 

I’m 26 this year. 

It’s not the end of the world. Perhaps at the outset, it appears to be a little hard to swallow because the wound is still fresh. I’m really just now trying to mend my heart, perhaps I should be showering it with love and care. Then, I can find myself again, the Winnie that I once know, that once everyone knows. 

Can’t start the day without practicing gratitude. Which I stopped practicing it last year because I realized I didn’t need it anymore because having Chris was already a huge blessing to me, and I thought he completed me. 

But that’s not true. I should have continued practicing it despite that, it is to build my inner character and lay out a strong foundation for myself, to prepare myself for whatever that may come. 

Alright, today I feel grateful because: 

(a) My families are healthy and well; 

(b) I’m broke, but I have a shelter and food; 

(c) I get to have my own personal space, and it’s simple yet beautiful (plus, it has a patio!); 

This time, it’s time for me to start a new chapter. I know I won’t be able to find such a nice place (at least for me) to stay all of the sudden, when it’s not even advertised on the properties website, which fits my budget (although quite a heavy commitment). Perhaps, God does have his path for me. And this is it. 

Now, I’m going to be the architect, engineer, developer, whatever you call it. To start planning for a life that I desire. Honestly, I do miss being that girl even though I’m not like super hot. But I guess because I’m more friendly than most of the hot girls and that makes me more approachable? Let’s see what the future may hold. 

Btw, I’m writing all these in a rather calm mode. The past few days have been hell. HAHA. 

I would like to think that i have strong support system, even though I need to knock on their doors to help me. Healing journey begins! And I’m excited to read all these again, may be few months down the road. 

Keeping a journal, is always good I guess. 

Sometimes, when I read back what happened 3 years ago, I was just like ... I have grown so much... So much have happened. And I’m still here. 

Oh one more thing, I’m just really grateful to be alive and fully functional. God knows worse things could have happened to me that night. For example, if the glasses do cut at the wrong place, i.e. my eye, or the pelvic bones puncture my bladder or womb etc. The consequences are significant. Sometimes, I keep replaying the memories relating to my accident. I feel fear but also feel a bit stronger. 

It’s definitely a story that I won’t stop telling people. Not to boast how strong I am, but to remind people, to take one step at a time. 

Not sure if it is because Chris was with me the entire time therefore making everything better, but I can just be grateful for everything. Perhaps, he may not be the right person for me, but he is there for a reason. 

To date, I don’t think I’m a good person yet. But I know how I can be a better person. Mahatma Ghandi once said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” I find myself resonate a lot with this quote, always. I will continue practicing it. 

For now, I’m glad that my boss is really taking good care of me. But I hope he doesn’t go too far till an extent that it’s worrying? I guess I should be grateful at this difficult time, i have an employer who is understanding and not pressuring me too much at work. I should be grateful and work harder to repay it. 

Dear God and the almighty Universe, 

I accept and have accepted it. 

I remember I said I will leave it to you. And now, I accept what have transpired. And I know you want me to be a better person. And I will. 

Love, 

WC 

[greyias]

FIC: Blindsided (3/3)

Title: Blindsided Fandom: SWTOR Pairing: Theron Shan/f!Jedi Knight Genre: Missing Scene, Angst, H/C Synopsis: Theron isn’t the most patient man normally, but this kind of waiting is a whole new level of torture. (Missing Scenes for the Iokath storyline) Beta: None! We die (one last time) like menw.

Part 1 | Part 2 |  Crossposted to AO3

After finally getting back to the Alliance basecamp, and reluctantly letting the medics take her from his arms, he’d had to wait.

Theron hated waiting normally—but this kind of waiting? Was the worst.

He’d had to wait on the medics, who’d taken her from his arms, as they made their examination. Wait as he overheard the muttered prognosis of third degree burns and severe nerve damage. Wait as she drifted through unconsciousness, first in a kolto tank, and then later on a medical bed. Wait hour after hour staring at her unmoving form, holding her hand, listening to her nightmare mutterings until he had to move away before his rising anger made him do something crazy and drastic.

So while he waited, he did the only thing that he could do. He worked. Taking apart every bit of evidence he could find. Checking every millimeter of the overload charge with a trained eye, trying to find some clue to who had done this.

The carefully disassembled shards of the charge lay discarded on the work table he’d claimed, as he’d moved on to trying to decrypt the transmission that Lana had discovered. The algorithm was one of the most complex pieces of coding he had ever seen. He would have been impressed if it hadn’t been used in an attempt to murder the woman he loved.

“Theron—son—maybe you should get some rest.”

He had missed when Jace had made his appearance, bent over a data terminal as he picked apart every single piece of evidence. Theron didn’t bother looking up from his station. “Go away, Malcom.”

“I understand it’s been a trying few days, but you—”

“What are you trying to do?” He finally snapped, taking a moment to swap out programs so that the older man couldn’t see what he was looking at. “What’s your angle here, Malcom?”

“Theron, I’ve got no angle, I’m just concerned about you—”

“Oh, you’re concerned now?” Theron let every ounce of anger he’d been trying to shove away boil to the surface. Not all of it stemmed from the other man, but at the moment he just didn’t care anymore. “Because I seem to remember a certain holocall where you all but called me a terrorist and traitor.”

“I was just angry. You were throwing away your career, turning your back on the Republic for this—”

The moment Jace’s gaze had cut away from Theron to the unconscious Jedi, something in him snapped. “You leave her out of this!”

“Will you let me finish talking?”

“We were done talking when you disowned me for doing the right thing!”

“I did not disown you. You are still my son—”

“Oh, so good standing with the grand old Republic is a requirement for that? Good to know.”

“Damn it, Theron, I’m trying here.”

“Don’t bother. The only father I had died years ago. In the Vesla system.”

The imposing figure of the Republic’s Supreme Commander seemed to wilt for a second, like he had been punched in the gut. No more words were exchanged—none were needed—and they silently picked opposite sides of the large room to occupy. A familiar spark of guilt began to rise up, but Theron ignored it. There were more important things than half-hearted reunions that were too little and too late.

So he went back to working. To try and keep his mind off the waiting.

By the time the Alliance’s Commander had finally stirred, Theron had finished as much digging as he could into the sabotage from where they were. He was going to need the full resources of the base on Odessen to really get to the bottom of this. Lana had kept an eye on the Alliance Commander during her fitful sleep, and it was only when he heard her talking softly did he realize that the Jedi was finally waking up.

There was a part of him that had wanted to pull the damn woman back into his arms and tell her to never do that to him again, but it was neither the time nor the place. So again he waited, as they cut straight into the business of what had brought them to Iokath. Of who had tried to use her as some sort of sacrificial lamb to their metal god of death. As she defied all common sense and started making preparations to go take on the Apocalypse Machine again. Because of course nearly dying once wasn’t enough for her.

He waited as Jace came over to congratulate her, and watched the older man like a hawk. Theron didn’t really think that he was the one who had set them up—subterfuge and manipulation weren’t really his father’s style. He was more the blunt instrument of someone else’s political machinations. If he wanted someone dead, the Supreme Commander would just order for them to be blown away from orbit rather than weave some complicated web of intrigue.

He even waited as they planned and discussed next steps — both on disabling the superweapon for good and on Theron and Lana’s investigation (that would not include dragging every raw recruit through the mud, thank you Lord-of-Paranoia Beniko). But as she and Lana started to leave to make contact with the Scions, he finally had reached the end of his ability to wait.

Theron grabbed her by the overly ornate gauntlet—unable to completely ignore the char mark on it that set his gut roiling again—and dragged her over to a darkened corner. Lana seemed to take the unspoken hint and hastily made her departure. A gentle hand laid on his made him realize that perhaps he was holding on just a little too tightly.

“What’s wrong?”

He just looked at her, trying to figure out even where to begin. Her time immersed in the kolto tank had healed the worst of the burns, but the shiny new patches of skin still stood out in stark contrast. He tried to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat, instead glancing down to where she had taken both of his hands between hers.

“Theron,” she said gently, “what’s bothering you?”

The real words he wanted to say kept getting stuck behind that damn lump, and rather than try to choke them out he just asked tersely. “You’re going to be careful, right?”

“Of course I am,” she said quietly. “When am I not?”

He speared her with a look then, as if unable to believe she had actually managed to say that with a straight face. He bit back on that response, because he had already waited long enough, he wasn’t about to get derailed now by a pointless argument. “Look, I can’t stop you, I know that, and I know that if anyone has a chance at beating this thing it’s you.”

“But…?”

“I…” the words got stuck again and he dropped his eyes, unable to look past all of the burn and scorch marks left by the explosion that had nearly killed her. Just as soon as they got off this mechanized death trap of a world he’d spend the next week buffing that armor clean. So he’d never have to look at a physical reminder of this again.

One of her hands gently cupped his jaw, tilting his head back up so that he would look at her. She didn’t bother to hide her concern, brow wrinkled and lips pursed together. He hated seeing that look on her face, and he hated even more being the cause of it. He swallowed once more, managing to force the lump in his throat down enough to form the proper words, but it still came out as a harsh whisper.

“I almost lost you once today—I can’t… seeing you on the floor…”

Her anxious expression softened into something akin to regret as her thumb absently traced his jawline. “I’m sorry I put you through that. You know that wasn’t my intention.”

“I’m going to find whoever did that,” he promised, voice rough, “they’re not going to get a second chance.”

“Theron—”

“You almost died because someone out there is trying to play war games—like the galaxy is some giant game of dejarik! Someone we know! And I didn’t—”

“Theron,” she said more firmly this time, cutting him off as his voice started to rise in volume, “we’re going to find them. Together. We’ll find justice for the lives that were lost because of this.”

“You were almost one of them.”

“But I wasn’t,” she said quietly, “I’m still here.”

“I should have seen this coming,” he insisted, “you and Lana kept trying to point it out. If I had listened instead of—”

“You’re just one man, Theron,” she interrupted, “you can’t see everything.”

“I should have seen this.”

She squeezed his hand gently, pulling his focus back to her eyes. “Do you think that I hold you accountable for any of this?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why hold yourself up to an impossible standard?”

Because it wasn’t about that. The unquenchable anger in his gut didn’t really stem from anything he did or didn’t do—it was about what he had almost lost today. Even though it was nearing the two year mark from her rescue from Arcann’s carbonite chamber, those five years without her still sometimes seemed like more than a bad memory. Like this was the dream, and that was still the reality. The close calls brought all of that back to the forefront, no matter how much he tried to push them away.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, “you know I’m no good at this sort of thing.”

Her eyes crinkled up with a smile that was a mix of both fondness and a hint of wistful reproach before she pulled him into an embrace. He wrapped his arms around her as she leaned in, head tucked under his chin so her hair tickled at his neck. For just a small moment, he let it all fade away—his anger at being manipulated into this situation, his guilt for not seeing it coming, the super weapon that still threatened everyone, even the traitor who had all led them here in the first place—and he just let the feeling of her wash over him. Her warmth and calm had a way of sweeping over him and carrying everything away.

He hated to have the moment end, but when his eye caught the large imposing figure standing at the large window, he realized he couldn’t let himself get carried away. Reluctantly he pulled away, hating that just the sight of his father had chased away that elusive, fleeting calm that she brought with her wherever she went.

“You still have to save the galaxy,” he said roughly, “don’t let me keep you.”

Perhaps had this been earlier on in their relationship, she might have taken the invitation to leave. But after all they had been through, she had gotten as good at reading between the lines at him. “I’m sensing there’s something else you haven’t mentioned.”

In his long career as an intelligence agent, Theron had taken particular care to keep as many people at arms length as possible. Some had slipped through the cracks, that was inevitable, but as a general rule someone being able to know him well enough to get a read on him was bad business (not to mention dangerous for his health). He’d only begun to appreciate her flair for it after the whole mess with the Revanites — although generally it was quieter moments, like being pulled away from a data terminal if he lost track of time, or having a muffin shoved in his hand when he forgot to eat.

This was not one of those moments, and he felt a flare of irritation at her reading his tension as plainly as she would a book.

“It’s nothing,” he said quietly, carefully choosing a spot behind her to stare at. With her it was easier to mask the truth if he didn’t have to look her in the eye. But apparently she had gotten wise to that particular tactic, because she tilted her head to the side and caught his gaze square-on.

“Theron.” Her voice dropped another level, almost as if she was trying to calm a spooked animal. It might have been insulting if it wasn’t so damn effective. “What is it?”

No matter what they did behind closed doors, some things were still inappropriate for him to ask in front of others. The darkened corner offered the semblance of privacy, but the last thing they needed after everything that happened was someone overhearing him questioning the possibly galaxy altering decision she had made earlier. Still, even such propriety seemed to hold less sway over him under the weight of her concerned gaze.

“I shouldn’t ask,” he whispered so quietly, she probably had to strain to hear, “but I can’t help but wonder… why…”

He trailed off, acutely aware of the absurdity of him asking such a personal question so openly. His gaze slipped from hers, briefly catching the tall silhouette of his father by the window before he returned to look at her. It was a small slip, but telling enough in itself. Her eyes widened ever-so-slightly in understanding, and it was her who looked away this time.

“Sorry,” he said quickly, “I shouldn’t have said anything. You don’t need to—“

“No,” her voice was still quiet, but she grabbed his hand, fingers slightly curling around his, “I want everyone to be able to express themselves.”

“That’s not how the chain of command works,” he reminded her quietly.

“This is not a dictatorship,” she said with a little more conviction, “everyone is allowed to and should have their own opinions.”

He gave her fingers a soft squeeze. “That’s not what I mean. Sometimes the illusion of an undivided front is better, especially with…”

His thoughts immediately returned to the traitor that had put them all in this situation. Her fingers twitched against his, pulling him back before he started to dwell on those dark thoughts. He looked up to her searching expression and he let out a long breath.

“Ask me,” she prompted quietly. “Please.”

“Why’d you choose the Republic?” His voice was barely a whisper, hardly audible to even her ears.

“I didn’t want to,” she said, and when he narrowed an eyebrow, she added, “I didn’t want to choose.”

“But you did.”

“Yes,” she swallowed, glancing away, “but it seemed to go against what we were trying to build with the Alliance. Maybe it was arrogant to think we’d be able to bridge the differences between the Empire and Republic and finally find peace when so many had already failed.”

“Do you really think that?”

“I don’t know,” she said quietly, “everything happened so quickly. I haven’t had much time to reflect on my decision.”

Theron noticed that she hadn’t actually answered his question, and instead had deflected with a different answer. He knew exactly where she had learned up that sort of tactic, and wondered exactly what other bad habits she had picked up from him. “I always thought you were the more forward thinker out of the two of us.”

“That’s because you shortchange yourself too much.” Her brow furrowed at him ever so slightly in consternation. “But in this case, you are correct. I’m afraid I didn’t weigh both sides as carefully as I should have.”

“It’s obviously not something I’m familiar with, but if you looked to the Force for guidance—“

“Maybe I should have. But I didn’t.” She pursed her lips together, head shaking ever so slightly as her eyes dropped down to their lightly intertwined fingers. It wasn’t often that she was more at a loss for words than him. Her fingers curled around his palm, and slowly she guided it up until his hand rested lightly over her heart. When she lifted her gaze back to look at him, there was a slight shimmer behind her eyes. “I was guided by this.”

“You did serve the Republic for—“

“No, I didn’t choose them.” She pressed his hand to her chest for emphasis, as if willing him to understand.

He sucked in a breath, finding it hard to swallow past the sudden lump in his throat. “You… you didn’t have to do that.”

“Yes, I did.” She sounded like she had never been more sure of anything in her life. “I don’t know Malcom as well as you, but… when I did work with him, he didn’t always seem very reasonable when it came to the Empire.”

Theron nodded mutely.

“I know I should have tried harder to find a way to make peace. Make them find common ground instead of choosing, but…” Her eyes dropped to his hand still held against her beating heart. “I couldn’t think. I just kept imagining you being forced into a situation where you’d have to fight him. Where you’d be forced to choose between your father or m…”

She trailed off, not able to finish the sentence. Her fingers loosened from his palm, dropping back down to her side. Instead of letting his hand fall as well, he gently grasped her chin and gave it a soft nudge so she would look back at him. The shimmer in her eyes was still there, and he felt something inside of him break just a little.

“I know that’s no way to run anything,” she whispered. “A proper Jedi wouldn’t make selfish decisions like that.”

“That’s not the definition of selfish.” He forced his suddenly thick tongue to form words.

“I don’t think Lana would agree.”

“She’ll get past it.” He threaded his fingers with hers. “We’re all in this for the long haul.”

“A few years ago, I never thought I’d hear you say that,” she admitted quietly.

“Time has a way of changing things.”

“It does.” An emotion flashed across her expression. Something akin to regret, but more nuanced than that. He couldn’t quite put his finger on the right word. “I would like to say that a few years ago I would have thought more, reacted less.”

“But?”

“Were I in the same position, I think I would have made the same decision,” she said softly, “for the same reason. He’s your father, Theron.”

“I don’t care.”

“Yes, you do,” she gave his fingers a squeeze, “or you wouldn’t be so angry with him.”

His jaw shut with a click and he looked away, glaring silently at the ground. Damn if she wasn’t right about that.

“Whatever happened between you two, he’s still your family.”

He snorted derisively at that, but looked up at her, surprised to see that she was still looking at him with the same soft expression and watery eyes instead of a disapproving gaze at his dismissal of the supposed familial bond between him and Jace.

“It’d be wrong to make you choose between that or me,” she said with conviction. “I would never ask that of you.”

“You never have to ask.” His voice cracked, and he used their intertwined fingers to raise her hand, mimicking her action from before and guiding it to rest on his chest. “I’d follow you to the edge of the galaxy and beyond.”

The shimmer finally broke into a trickle down her cheek, but before he could reach up to wipe it away, she crossed the small distance, pressing herself against him and trapping their hands where they lay against his heart. Her lips found his, and the rest of the world faded away as he kissed her like a man dying of thirst who had finally found an oasis.

Had Theron looked up, he might have noticed that the attention of the tall figure at the window had drifted from the expanse of Iokath over to the darkened corner. Just from observing, it would be impossible to tell what lay behind Jace’s conflicted, wistful expression. It could have just been due to the strained and nearly broken relationship with his son. Or perhaps he was glimpsing a bit of his own history replaying before his eyes, except with different decisions made this time around.

But Theron didn’t notice.

He had already chosen his path in life, and was going to follow it wherever it led.

#swtor fanfiction #swtor #fanfic #theron shan x jedi knight #Theron Shan #Jedi Knight/Hero of Tython #oc: greyias highwind #otp: adorkable #greyfic

[pisati]

I suppose it's a product of the society we live in, but I feel messed up in some ways for not wanting my own children. Not liking babies, not even really thinking they're cute. Being terrified of pregnancy. I almost wish I could be 'normal' about it, in the same way I sometimes wish I could be 'normal' about sexual attraction and drive. It would make things so much less complicated, feels like. I looked it up. Just a few scattered articles about women who don't want children (some of which say "it's perfectly normal!"). A lot of the justifications some of these women give are... honestly really pretentious. Some of these people just think babies are plain gross. And they can be; they're little poop machines, they puke, they blow mucus everywhere... but I saw one article that was like "they're gross and inconsiderate and selfish" like... fucking duh? They're infants. They don't know how to control their bodily functions quite yet and they don't know how else to communicate their needs. "You're a baby. You have nothing to do. If you're tired, just sleep instead of crying about it" like how fucking stupid are y'all? Have you ever tried falling asleep when you're tired but your brain just won't let you? Did it occur to you that infants have to learn things as basic as the concept of object permanence, and maybe they cry when they're tired because they just don't know what else to do about it? Being tired fucking sucks. Even at 25 I sometimes get so tired I want to cry. Fuck off. And "inconsiderate"?? As if babies have even the slightest concept of "considerate"? They are wired to survive. To need their parents to provide for them. That is what they know how to do. "Considerate" is learned. God. Those things are not an issue I really have with babies. I get kind of secondhand embarrassed when babies do stupid things, but I understand they're learning. I get super grossed out by the idea of diaper blowouts and spit-up and faces covered in snot and every food they try to ingest, but... I know if that were my child it'd be a little easier to deal with. I'm fine with my pets' bodily functions, I don't see why, if I loved something enough, it should really be a problem. Some people don't get that. But they say they love their pets in a way they don’t care for children; makes me wonder how they actually treat them. Some people think babies are life-ruiners, but of course they're going to be if they're not wanted, you absolute fucking morons. They are work. Some women love being a mom but hate motherhood, and that's understandable. Some people don't want to give up their careers, because honestly, raising children is a full-time job in itself. Babies maybe won't ruin your life's work, but they certainly can derail it and be a weight you have to carry around for a lifetime. Not everyone is ready to commit to that. But that's not an issue I seem to have with them either. If I wanted them, they'd be worked into my future plans. It wouldn't be ruining my life if that was the way I wanted my life to go, you know? The people that think it's the worst thing that could happen to their career... shouldn't have them, lmao. Those kids are going to grow up knowing they're resented. Knowing that you had things you wanted to do with your life, until they came along. They're going to feel like a burden on you, and you’ll probably take out your regret on them at some point. Your feeling like you "need" to have a child because of societal expectations doesn't trump the wellbeing of the child you're bringing into this world. There's the tantrums. The crying, the screaming, the not listening to reason. That's one thing I can actually agree with. I can't deal with babies crying. Some say that the cry of a baby draws people in; it makes mothers want to go to them and comfort them. I have the opposite reaction. I hear a baby crying, I want to get far away from it. I don't think I'd be very good at perceiving a baby's needs. They wouldn't stop crying, I'd get impatient and frustrated. You can't reason with a crying infant, you have to find the off switch by guessing at which needs aren't being met. I wouldn't be able to deal with tantrums or an indignant child, but I feel like any child of mine would know better than to give me the business. Who knows, though? Who knows what I'd end up with? I was a good kid. Afraid of consequences, sensitive, obedient, for the most part, if not a little stubborn (ok, very stubborn). What if my kid was the exact opposite? What if no matter how much love I gave them, no matter how attentive I tried to be towards their needs, no matter how many lessons I tried to teach them, they ended up a little brat? A gigantic asshole? God forbid, a white supremacist or some other horrible thing? Sometimes people really do their best and still it doesn't matter.

I just. I don’t have those instincts towards babies. I really don’t. I wish I did, sometimes. But that’s just not how I was wired. They scare me too, possibly because of unfamiliarity, but more because I don’t have the energy or the money to be as good of a parent as I’d want to be for an infant.  I do think I have maternal instincts though. I know I try to take good care of my rats and I love caring for them. Spoiling them, making sure they have what they need, making sure they're happy and healthy. I can't see myself ever not having pets. But by that same token... just thinking about it. I've been saying for a while now that I think my maternal instincts are misdirected towards animals instead of humans (ha ha), but I don't think that's actually true. My heart breaks for older children in the foster system-- older children being kids that aren't babies. Any child in the foster system, of course, but I’m more drawn personally to the older ones. Kids that have known abusive parents or never even knew who their parents were, kids that grew up in foster care, bouncing from place to place, knowing they don't really have a family. Children have a lot of needs growing up, and emotional needs are a big one that people sometimes overlook. Kids can get hurt, bad. They feel a lot of things, and deeply. I remember being a kid myself, and I was always one to feel things extraordinarily strongly. I remember dad got me two Polly Pocket sets for.. maybe my birthday one year. And I'd thrown out the little plastic insert that one of them was packaged with-- you know, just opening a box, discarding the packaging. And I realized later that the insert would've been perfect for keeping the little rubber doll pieces organized, and the regret over having thrown it out hurt so bad I cried. Like... kids are growing and they're complicated and I can't even imagine having that made harder by parents or lack thereof. Knowing that kids are growing up in those conditions makes me want to take them in. Like my friend’s family, who’s taken in a whole bunch of foster kids and adopted them all. I'd want to bring a child home, and let them know that this is their home and would always be their home. Give them some stability on a fundamental level. Show them love they may not have received yet. Do their hair, have little makeover days, movie nights, game nights, craft nights. Surprise them with things they like, watch their face light up knowing they're listened to and cared about. Listen to them talk about their interests, try to guide them towards things that make them happy; spark that interest and let them explore and grow; not try to mold them any way I think they should be. Help them with homework, work through problems together, because lord knows I'd probably struggle with some of them too. Hope they'd trust me enough to come to me with emotional issues-- not like how I could never talk to my mom about boys. Try to help them heal from whatever trauma they may have experienced. I don't know how I'd handle behavioral issues, if that were to happen, but I know the best course of action is educating myself and trying to be understanding. I do think I'd be a good mother. Just not to an infant, lmao When I was still in school, I'd let my rats run around my apartment during playtime. I'd leave my plastic shopping bags on the floor in the kitchen once I'd put groceries away, because I knew Jay liked to hoard them under my couch. And sometimes I'd take my phone flashlight and look around under there at the mess he made. I wouldn't touch it (until cleaning day came, usually, or unless there was a receipt I realized I needed). I'd just look at the organized chaos his little rat brain told him to create. I was witnessing the physical manifestation of his personality-- something he created himself. He put those bags right where he wanted them, and I could hear him rustling around down there sometimes, arranging them how he liked. He would grab mouthfuls of food and stash them in piles under the couch too, in specific places. I think I'd be the type of person to do the same for a child. I couldn't ever tell them what to do or how to be, necessarily. I'm sure I'd just marvel at anything they created; anything their mind produced. I'd want to know them for them, and love them just the same, even if they were nothing like me. Hell, I'd probably be happy if they were nothing like me (in some regards). Reminds me of that scene from Ladybird. I just. I wish that you liked me. Of course I love you. But do you like me? I want you to be the very best version of yourself that you can be. But what if this is the best version? Parks & Rec: I love you and I like you. One day I'll be able to say that. I hope.

#don't know what prompted this one #maybe tv; maybe some posts I scrolled past #I need to learn to be more honest with myself #stop drawing such hard lines #especially where none need to be drawn #it always seems like 'all or none' with this kind of thing #either you want them or you don't-- at all-- ever #but that's just not the way it is sometimes #I'm learning to acknowledge that and the fact that it's okay to feel like this #mostly just relieved that there are people that are WAY bigger assholes about it #people that think they're better than others because they don't have kids.... need to shut the fuck up lmao #cool if it's not the thing for you but maybe cool your jets about other people's choices #and the fact that-- yes-- sometimes other people's choices in that regard will encroach upon your lifestyle #like I can't wait to never be pregnant or have to deal with an infant #but I........ actually think I could one day do the mom thing #I could definitely see it as enriching and a positive addition to my life #and hopefully equally as if not more beneficial for the kid #girl's got a heart after all

[celebritylive]

If you think about the Olympics as a book — millennia long, depending on how you count, with just as many triumphs and tragedies and medals — then last week was the start of the next chapter.

Or, to torture the metaphor just a little bit more: 110 hopeful athletes gathered in Los Angeles to write the first pages of what will become the 2020 Tokyo Games.

Across five days and more than three times as many stages in a production facility in L.A., dozens of America’s best gymnasts and runners and swimmers and surfers and wrestlers (and more) gathered to help promote the Summer Olympics in an event organized by NBC and Team USA.

“I still find it fun,” says Nathan Adrian, a five-time gold medalist in swimming who survived a testicular cancer diagnosis last year. “I still feel very blessed to wake up, go to a place, do the sport that I love and then also be surrounded by like people that also enjoy the sport and people that I enjoy.

PEOPLE was behind the scenes with Adrian and all the others for the week, to see the photo shoots and the props and the puppies (yes, puppies) as the athletes came and went in a brief break from their preparation. They’re as tall or as small and mighty as one might imagine — no TV screen can do them justice — and unfailingly game to talk about the sports that unite them.

“When you grow up and you’re dreaming, you’re dreaming about the first time,” says swimmer Ryan Murphy, a three-time gold medalist at the Rio Games in 2016 who is pushing to return to Tokyo.

Fellow swimmer Lilly King, another gold medalist in Rio who went viral in a face-off with her Russian rival, tells PEOPLE: “Before the Olympics, I was a completely different person. I literally went from nobody knowing my name to overnight fame.”

Not many others know the feeling — except the other athletes in L.A. Among them were Simone Biles, Megan Rapinoe and Ryan Lochte, all returning Olympic champions who’ve had headline-making years since Rio.

“I feel like a veteran, I feel like the mom of the group,” says Biles, 22. After earning five medals in gymnastics at the 2016 Games (in a performance that landed her on the cover of PEOPLE), she’s set to compete in Tokyo with at least some new teammates.

“I’ve only known her for a couple of years, but it’s been amazing being with her because she does know so much already, because she’s had so much experience,” 17-year-old gymnast Grace McCallum says of Biles. “And so she really guides you and shows you the way.”

What does Biles teach best? The other gymnasts agree: how to do hair and makeup.

Rapinoe, like Biles, is eyeing more Olympic gold after a triumphant World Cup appearance last summer co-captaining the American women’s soccer team. She has been no less bold off the field, speaking up for equal pay for women and speaking out against President Donald Trump. (“There are children locked up at the border who are dying, and that’s not fazing him,” she said in July. “So why would I faze him?”)

Speaking with PEOPLE, Rapinoe, 34, shares this advice for boys and girls who want to become change-makers, too:

“There’s a lot of options for little boys, they probably don’t need any advice. They have all the options readily available to them in culture. But I think for girls, I would just say to not limit yourself to anything. Dream way past beyond what we’re doing right now.”

“I think if we’ve done our jobs, then we’ve given them a much bigger palette to choose from,” Rapinoe says, “and hopefully they can just dream beyond anything that we’re doing.”

One of the world’s most-watched events, the Olympics put billions’ of people’s attention on athletes whose success they may never have even thought was possible.

“My body has taught me that you’re capable of so much more than you think you can be,” says Melissa Stockwell, a Paralympic bronze medalist in triathlete who lost a leg in a roadside bombing while serving in the Army in Iraq.

“I think a lot of people are scared to do things because they’re like, ‘No, I can never do that,’ ” Stockwell says. “But in reality, if you just try something, you’re amazed at what you can do.”

Ashleigh Johnson, a 2016 Olympic gold medalist water polo goalie, is one of the rare black competitors in her sport. “It’s part of my mission now to be that representative and be like, ‘It’s possible. You deserve to be here. You belong here,’ ” she tells PEOPLE.

“We’re competitors,” says David Brown, the world’s fastest blind athlete and a Paralympic gold medalist, who competes with a guide. “We’re out there to represent our country. We’re athletes with disabilities and we’re just as competitive as Olympic athletes.”

Six-time gold medalist Allyson Felix intends to return to the Olympics, this time as a mother, having broken Usain Bolt’s record for the most World Championship gold medals less than a year after an emergency cesarean section.

“I feel super blessed in this sport and I just want to embrace every moment knowing that this is my last time around,” Felix, 34, says. “I want to savor it. I want to step out there and represent women and mothers.”

Others, like Lochte, are looking for “redemption.” Already a swimming legend after his wins in the 2004, 2008, 2012 and 2016 Games, Lochte’s career was derailed following a scandal spun out from a claim he made about being robbed at gunpoint while in Brazil. (He has repeatedly apologized.) He was also temporarily banned from competition for violating a rule about the amount of infusions athletes can receive, even though the substance was not illegal.

Still, he hasn’t stopped training. And he has a new reason to compete after welcoming son Caiden in 2017 and daughter Liv in June.

“I just have a different drive than I ever had before,” he says.

“If I make the Olympic team and everything, this will be one of the biggest comeback stories in sports, just because of everything that has happened with me the past couple of years,” he tells PEOPLE.

More than a decade older than some of his possible teammates, Lochte looks at Tokyo as one more shot as an athlete.

So does beach volleyball icon Kerri Walsh Jennings, who last didn’t earn an Olympic medal nearly two decades ago. Her story isn’t over either.

“It’s a chapter ending. A big one. It’s a book-end in my Olympic competitive career and it’ll be my last one regardless,” she says. “And I’m so excited. I committed to Tokyo because I want to finish on top.”

To learn more, visit teamusa.org. The Tokyo Olympics begin next summer on NBC.

• With reporting by KAREN MIZOGUCHI

from PEOPLE.com https://ift.tt/2KVp1e9

#Celebrity

[chorusfm]

My Chemical Romance – The Black Parade

Let me preface this My Chemical Romance retrospective by stating that they are my favorite band, and I still hold The Black Parade as one of my top-5 favorite albums ever recorded. Throughout My Chemical Romance’s career, I was astounded by their rise to fame, and having seen them go as the first opening band on tour with The Used, to headlining stadiums by the time The Black Parade reached its heights, and I have marveled at the lore and theatrics surrounding my favorite artist. The Black Parade was always an album that I kept coming back to when it first came out on October 24, 2006, and it still hits me hard every time I revisit this modern classic. Boiling down to the story of a cancer patient to the closing lyrics of “I am not afraid to keep on living,” I am bold enough to say that I found this album to be perfect from first listen, to now today as I re-listen to it again. In a lot of ways, My Chemical Romance were on a collision course for making this classic album as front-man Gerard Way mentioned in several interviews that he was always planning on make this LP from the start of the incarnation of the band. In some ways, this album killed My Chemical Romance as they put every drop of blood and sweat into creating this record, and even the group themselves initially saw this as the closing chapter to the band. However, what came after the mammoth success of The Black Parade was a scrapped album (to later be released, called Conventional Weapons) to the reinvention of the artist as the Killjoys on Danger Days, to the last recording we were left with on an aborted project called “Fake Your Death.” These events only added to allure and mystique surrounding The Black Parade. From the opening notes of a hospital machine quietly beeping to a flat-line on the introductory track “The End,” everything just seemed to be fully thought out and worked with the vision of this extraordinary group of musicians. When Way sings, “Now come one, come all to this tragic affair/Wipe off that makeup, what’s in is despair,” you are immediately transported to a world inside the five of the bandmates’ heads of a cancer patient living out their last moments. “Dead!” follows this track with an extremely up-tempo pace and rocks like The Ramones on steroids. On the chorus, Way sings, “Have you heard the news that you’re dead?/No one ever had much nice to say/I think they never liked you anyway/Oh, take me from the hospital bed/Wouldn’t it be grand? It ain’t exactly what you planned./And wouldn’t it be great if we were dead?” and it’s almost as if he is finding the silver lining in a life ending to a terrible disease such as cancer. The dual-guitar work of Ray Toro and Frank Iero is at its most potent on songs such as this one, and bassist Mikey Way keeps up with the duo as mentioned above’s frenetic pace. The underrated musician in all of this work of art is the drumming of Bob Bryar, who was let go shortly after the touring cycle wrapped on this record. Bryar’s fills and energy throughout the disc is nothing short of remarkable, and he adds an intricate layer to the story of the record. The next song, is arguably one of the best songs MCR had ever written in “This Is How I Disappear.” From its double-edged sword guitar attack to the somber lyrics of Way scripting out the journey of The Patient in the story, nothing comes off as cheesy or cabaret. Instead, everything clicks at just the right point and time. My favorite moment, in particular, is the bridge where Way sings, “Can you hear me cry out to you?/Words I thought I’d choke on figure out/I’m really not so with you anymore/I’m just a ghost/So I can’t hurt you anymore.” The simplicity of the lyrics to the complexity of what the guitars were doing made this a truly beautiful musical moment for the group, and solidified my pick as album of the year in 2006. “The Sharpest Lives” is a certified killer cut of a track and features some of the best guitar work of Toro’s and Iero’s career to date. Seeing this song performed live just exploded on the chorus of, “Give me a shot to remember/And you can take all the pain away from me/A kiss and I will surrender/The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead,” and allowed me to personally gain the courage to sing in my band at a later date. It was the energy that I felt from their songs like this that truly made me understand when fans would claim, “Their music saved my life.” MCR may not have directly “saved” me, but it did give me a shit-ton of confidence to feel like I could take on all doubters if I followed a similar path as my favorite front-man. The album itself hits its crescendo and stride on the first single, “Welcome to the Black Parade.” From the gut-wrenching first notes on a piano to the call-to-arms lyrics of Way gaining every misplaced or forgotten kid to join him in the fictional parade, My Chemical Romance hit this one to the moon and back. After the first few opening lines lead into the punk rock verses of the meat of the song, they quickly bleed into one of the more anthemic choruses of my generation where Way sings, “We’ll carry on, we’ll carry on/And though you’re dead and gone believe me/Your memory will carry on/We’ll carry on/And in my heart I can’t contain it/The anthem won’t explain it.” It’s on brilliant choruses such as this one as to why this band hit such an incredible high with The Black Parade. There was simply going to be no way of containing this band’s popularity with certified smash singles like this one. “I Don’t Love You” reminded me a bit of a brit-pop rock band donned in all black clothing hitting all the right notes and moments on a heartfelt ballad. The music video for this track abandoned much of the marching band garb that the fans had grown accustomed to over this album cycle and delivered a quick re-imagining of what My Chemical Romance could do and become. As I mentioned before, Bob Bryar really gets forgotten as an underrated player in the parade, but his chops are what drives songs such as “House of Wolves.” Way’s shrieking in between the cabaret-esque verses come off as playful and fun and don’t seem forced at all from a front-man with an affinity for stealing the show. However, this track clearly gets Bryar to take over, and several key fills help drive this song home. Next up, the heart-wrenching piano and vocal-driven “Cancer,” which Way mentioned in several interviews as being one of the more important songs on the record, and in the totality of the My Chemical Romance project. The beauty of this track comes from its simplicity and features some of the best vocal delivery in Way’s career. This was a song that I didn’t know that MCR was capable of making at this stage in their career, but damn am I glad that they were able to pull it off. “Mama” sounds like a show-tune drenched in emo lore and despair, and even features Liza Minnelli’s vocals towards the bridge of the song. The song is structured around the story of the character “Mother War” as Way responds to Minelli’s earnest vocals with, “But there’s shit that I’ve done with this fuck of a gun/You would cry out your eyes all along.” All of these elements built into this song would be difficult for the average band to pull off. Lucky for us, My Chemical Romance were not an “average band;” instead they became almost super-human on their landmark LP. “Sleep” starts with some actual recordings of Way describing his night terrors during the recording process of The Black Parade, and is a clever way of introducing a killer song such as this. The crescendos in this particular song are some of the most powerful moments you will find in our scene still today, and you can tell that the band hit several key chords with their performance on this larger than life song. “Teenagers” was one song that I originally thought didn’t belong in the fold of the Black Parade-era since it sounded more like a track that would have fit better on Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge. However, now I can’t even imagine this record without this brilliant single, that features some of the most dangerous lyrical content of Way’s career when he sings, “The boys and girls in the clique/The awful names that they stick/You’re never gonna fit in much, kid/But if you’re troubled and hurt/What you got under your shirt/Will make them pay for the things that they did.” In the days of school shootings making us almost numb, due to the vast number over the past ten years or so, this was a lyrical line that could’ve derailed some of the success that MCR had due to the possible lack of sensitivity to the topic. In fact, the music video release was also delayed due to another senseless tragedy that happened around that time. Yet, My Chemical Romance was able to release this as one of their more popular singles from this record and their catalog in general. The ending of The Black Parade record features a great one-two punch of one of my most cherished My Chem-songs in “Disenchanted” and the blazing “Famous Last Words.” Starting with the former, I was incredibly blown away by the production of Rob Cavallo on this song in particular, since he made this somber track shine in so many unique ways. From the delicate opening to the first major hook of, “It was the roar of the crowd that gave me heartache to sing,” everything is pretty damn near perfect. My favorite moment of this song is the restraint that the entire band is able to showcase, as they could’ve done a huge build-up much like the aforementioned “Mama,” yet knowing that they had already followed that formula, they chose to blaze a new path forward on a larger than life emo power ballad. “Famous Last Words,” on the other hand, is just a free-flowing hard rock single that was destined for prime time right from the get-go. With the closing word of “I am not afraid to keep on living/I am not afraid to walk this world alone/Honey, if you stay I’ll be forgiven/Nothing you can say can stop me going home,” Way almost single-handedly gave all of those kids out there struggling for meaning in their own lives a reason to press on and realize that things do get better. With an ending like that, it’s hard not to get just as excited about listening to this record again from front to back, as MCR intended. This LP will undoubtedly continue to stand the test of time in our scene as one of the most critical records in punk, emo, and rock in general. The Black Parade may be “dead,” but its memory certainly carries on. --- Please consider supporting us so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/review/retrospective/my-chemical-romance-the-black-parade/