#(except not really because it's not for sale and also who in their right mind would want to live here)

[wilwheaton]

When you watch The Curse, you are watching two children who were abused and exploited daily during production. No adults protected us.

This was originally published on my blog in August, 2022.

I had a wonderful time at Steel City Comicon this weekend. It was my first time at this particular con, so I didn’t know there was such a huge contingent of horror fans, creators, and vendors who attend.

I love horror, and I was pretty psyched to be in the same place as John Carpenter and Tom Savini, across the street from the Dawn of the Dead mall. Pittsburgh feels like one of the places horror was invented, at least to me.

A number of these horror fans came to see me, and asked me to sign posters and other things from a movie my parents forced me to do when I was 13, called The Curse. I had to tell each of these people that I would not sign anything associated with that movie, because I was abused and exploited during production. The time I spent on that film remains the most traumatizing time of my life, and though I am a 50 year-old man, just typing this now makes my hands shake with remembered fear of a 13 year-old boy who nobody protected, and the absolute fury the 50 year-old man feels toward the people who hurt him.

I told this story in Still Just A Geek, and I’ve talked about it in some podcasts I did on the promo tour, but I’ve never put it out in public like this, in its entirety.

I suspect someone at the publisher would prefer I tease this and hope it drives book sales from people who want to read all of it, but I honestly don’t want to have another weekend like this one where everything is awesome, except the few times people who have no idea (and why should they) put that fucking poster in front of me, and all the fear, abandonment, and trauma come flooding back as I tell them that I won’t sign it, and why.

To their credit, each person was as horrified as they should have been, told me they had no idea (if they didn’t read my book why would they), and quickly put the poster away. They were all understanding. I am grateful for that.

But I really don’t need to tell this story over and over again, so here it is, with a child abuse and exploitation content warning, so I can just tell people to Google it.

After Stand by Me, everything changed. The attention from entertainment journalists, casting directors, and especially teen magazines came pouring in. The movie was a generational hit, beloved by critics and audiences alike, and every single one of us could pick anything to do next.

River’s parents and his agent got him Mosquito Coast, with Harrison Ford, as his next movie. I also auditioned for the role, but I knew even then that River was going to book the job. He was perfect, and I’d have to wait a little bit for my opportunity to come along.

I went on a lot of theatrical auditions after Stand by Me. I had tons of meetings with directors and the heads of casting at every major studio. It was all a very big deal, and I felt like we were all looking for something really special and amazing as my follow-up to Stand by Me.

At some point, a couple of producers contacted my agent with an offer to play one of the leads in an adaptation of H. P. Lovecraft’s “The Colour Out of Space.” The script was titled The Farm. (It would, of course, be changed when the film was released).

I read it. I did not like it. It was a shitty horror movie, and I saw that right away. It was the sort of thing you rented on Friday when the new release you wanted was already out of the store.

My mother, already an incredibly manipulative person, used every tool at her disposal to change my mind. My father threatened me, mocked me, told me “It’s your decision” when it clearly wasn’t. It was all so weird; I didn’t understand why they cared so much.

I told my parents I didn’t like it and didn’t want to do it. I clearly recall thinking it was a piece of shit that would hurt my career.

It wasn’t the first thing that had come our way that I wanted to pass on, and every other time, it hadn’t been a very big deal.

Sidebar: I was cast in Twilight Zone: The Movie, in 1983. The film tells four stories, and I was cast as the kid who can wish people into cartoonland. It was a GREAT role, in a movie I still love. (Note that Twilight Zone had four directors. One of them got three people killed. The segment I was cast in was not that one. I mention this because too many people zero in on this to deflect from what this whole thing is actually about.)

But I was CONVINCED by my parochial school teacher that if I worked on The Twilight Zone, which she had determined was satanic, I would go to hell. (This woman and her bullshit played a big role in my conversion to atheism at a young age, but when she told me that, I was all-in on the supernatural story they taught us in religion class.) I was so scared, more scared than I’d ever been to that point in my life, I cried and wailed and begged my parents to not make me do the movie. And I never told them why, because I was afraid my dad would laugh at me for being weak and afraid. My agent tried to talk me into it, and I wouldn’t budge. It’s the only thing I deeply and truly regret passing on, and I really hate I made that choice for such a stupid reason.

Okay. Back to The Curse.

This time, when I told them how much I hated it, they wouldn’t listen to me. My mother, already an incredibly manipulative person, used every tool at her disposal to change my mind. My father threatened me, mocked me, told me “It’s your decision” when it clearly wasn’t. It was all so weird; I didn’t understand why they cared so much.

That is, until they made me take a meeting with the producers of the movie, in their giant conference room on the top floor of a tall building in Hollywood. All I remember about this place was that it was huge; the table was way too big for the five of us who spread around it, and there were floor-to-ceiling windows on three of the walls, but the room was still dark. There was a weird optical illusion in the center of the table, this thing they sold in the Sharper Image catalog, made from two reflective dishes with a hole in the top of one. You placed an object in the bottom of the bottom dish, and it made it look like that object was floating above the whole thing. They had a plastic spider in it. What a strange detail for me to remember, but it’s as clear in my memory as if I were sitting in that room right now.

One man, who I presumed was the executive producer, was European or Middle Eastern (I didn’t know the difference then, he was just Not Like People I Knew), and I was instantly afraid of him. He was intimidating, and seemed like a person who got what he wanted.

So we sat there, my father who didn’t give a shit about me, my mother who was cosplaying as someone with experience, and me, thirteen years old, awkward as fuck, and scared to death.

I don’t remember what they said to me in their pitch or anything other than how uncomfortable and anxious I was to even be in that room. I tried so hard to be grown up and mature, but I — and my parents — was way out of my depth. I’d done one big movie and that was it. We didn’t have my agent with us, who had lots of experience and would have known what questions to ask.

No, in place of my experienced agent, my mother had decided she was going to be my manager, and she tackled the responsibility with an enthusiasm that was only matched by her absolute incompetence and inability to go toe-to-toe with producers the way my agent did. She was outwitted, out-thought, and outmaneuvered at every turn.

“You don’t have a choice,” my father commanded. “You are doing this movie.”

So we sat there, my father who didn’t give a shit about me, my mother who was cosplaying as someone with experience, and me, thirteen years old, awkward as fuck, and scared to death.

At some point, this man, who is represented in my memory by big Jim Jones sunglasses under dark hair above an open collar, said, “We are offering you a hundred thousand dollars and round-trip travel for your whole family. We will cast your sister, Amy, to play your sister in the movie.”

It all made sense, now. I was only thirteen, but I knew my parents were pushing me so hard because this company was offering me — them, really — more money than I’d ever imagined I’d earn in my life, much less a single job.

I knew that the right thing to do, the smart thing to do, was to say no. There would be other opportunities, and it was stupid to cash myself out of feature films for what I thought was, in the grand scheme of things, not very much money.

It’s incredible to me that I knew all of this. It’s incredible to me that I could see all these things, plainly and clearly, and my parents couldn’t (or, more likely, chose not to).

So after this man made his offer, all the adults in the room ganged up on me, selling me HARD on this movie.

My mother said, “Don’t you want your sister to have the same opportunities you’ve had? Wouldn’t it be fun and exciting to go to Rome? Think of all the history!”

The experience was awful. It was the worst experience I have ever had on a set in my life, by every single metric. The movie is awful, and it is the embarrassment I knew it would be.

I don’t think about this very often, because it’s super upsetting to me. Right now, I’m so angry at my parents for subjecting me and my sister to this entire experience. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

In that moment, I felt bullied and trapped. All these adults were talking to me at the same time, and I just wanted it to stop. I just wanted to go home and get out of this room. I just wanted to go be a kid, so I did what I’d learned to do to survive: I gave in and did what my parents wanted.

The experience was awful. It was the worst experience I have ever had on a set in my life, by every single metric. The movie is awful, and it is the embarrassment I knew it would be.

But here’s the thing: when you watch The Curse, you are watching two children, me and my sister, who were abused on a daily basis. The production did not follow a single labor law. They worked us for twelve hours a day, on multiple film units (while I work on First unit, second unit sets up and waits for me. When I should get a break to rest, they send me to Second unit, then to Third unit, then back to First unit. I was 13.) without any breaks, five days a week. I was exhausted the entire time. I was inappropriately touched by two different adults during production. I knew it was wrong, but I was so scared and ashamed, and I felt so unsupported, I didn’t tell anyone. I knew my dad wouldn’t believe me, and my mother would blame me. Anything to keep the production happy, that’s what she did. That was more important to her than the health and safety of her children. The director was coked out of his mind most of the time, incompetent, and so busy fucking or trying to fuck one of the women in the cast, he was worse than useless. He was a fading actor who was cosplaying as a director, as in over his head as my mother. My sister and I were never safe. Instead of harmless atmospheric SFX smoke, they set hay on fire in barrels and blew actual smoke onto the set. They took buckets of talc, broken wood, bits of wallpaper and plaster, and threw it into my face during a scene inside the collapsing house. My sister is in a scene where she goes to get eggs from some chickens, and they attack her. So they hired Lucio Fulci, the Italian horror master, to direct her sequence. His idea, which everyone was totally on board with, was to throw chickens at my sister. Live chickens, live roosters, live birds. Just throw them at a nine-year-old girl. Oh, and then tie them to her arms and legs so they’ll peck her. All of this happened under my mother’s observation, and with her full participation.

Everything I need to know about who my parents are is wrapped up in that experience: the total lack of concern for my safety and happiness, treating me like an asset instead of a son, lying to me, manipulating me, and using me to get things they wanted, and then gaslighting me about it.

If just ONE of the things I can remember happened to someone I loved, I would have grabbed my kids, gone to the airport, and flown home. Fuck those abusive assholes in the production. Let the lawyers sort it all out. Nobody hurts my children and gets away with it.

My mom says she “had some talks” with the producers. She claims that, once, she wouldn’t let us leave the hotel. (God, what a fucking dump that place was. It was just slightly better than a hostel.) I have no memory of that, but honestly the entire experience was so traumatic, I’ve blocked most of it out.

The movie was the commercial and critical failure I knew it would be. My parents spent the money. I don’t know what they spent it on. I got to keep fifteen cents of every dollar, so . . . yay?

My sister and I hardly ever talk about this. I suspect it was as upsetting and traumatic for her as it was for me. I told her I was writing about it, and asked her if she remembered anything. She told me she’d been lied to her whole life about this movie. Our mother let her believe she had been cast on the strength of her audition. “I was excited to work with you,” she said. She reminded me about some stuff I’d blocked out, including a scene where my character’s older brother (played by an actor named Malcolm Danare, who was kind and gentle, and made both of us feel safer when he was around) shoves my character into a pile of cow shit. When it came time to shoot the scene, the mud they’d put together to be the cow shit looked an awful lot like cow shit. When Malcolm pushed me into it, we all found out it was real cow shit. I was FURIOUS. The director had lied to me and had allowed me to have my entire body shoved into an actual pile of actual cow shit. I don’t remember what I said, but I remember he treated me the exact same way my father did whenever I got upset: he laughed at me, told me I was being too sensitive, reminded me that he was the director and he wanted to get a “real” performance out of me, and concluded, “If it bothers you so much, we’ll get you a hepatitis shot,” before he walked away.

My sister also recalled that, after she survived the scene with the chickens, it was the producers’ idea to give her one as a pet.

Okay, let’s unpack that for a quick second: you’ve been traumatized by these birds, so we’re going to give you one as a pet. That you’ll somehow keep in your hotel, and then will somehow get back to America. It will shock you to learn that neither of those things happened.

She remembered, as I do, the huge fight I had with my parents in our kitchen, where I told them I hated the script and I hated the movie. I didn’t want to do it, and I hated that they were making me do it.

“You don’t have a choice,” my father commanded. “You are doing this movie.”

“This is the only film you are being offered,” my mother lied to me. She made me feel like, if I didn’t do this movie, I would never do another movie again in my life. I had to do this movie. As my father bellowed, I had no choice.

Both of my parents denied this argument ever happened. Can I tell you how reassuring it is to know that my sister, who was also there, remembers it the same way I do?

The makeup department decided they would literally cut my little sister’s face with a scalpel, in three places, and put bandages over them.

But one thing she told me, the thing I did not know, the thing that makes me so angry I want to break things, actually managed to make the entire experience even worse than I remembered it.

There’s a scene after her chicken incident where I check up on her in her bedroom. She’s got cuts and bruises, and I guess we talk about it. I don’t remember and I can’t watch the movie because I’m terrified it will give me a PTSD flashback (I’ve had one of those and I recommend avoiding it). Here’s the thing about that scene: she has some cuts on her face, and those cuts are real. They are not makeup.

I’m going to repeat that. My nine-year-old little sister had actual cuts on her face that were placed there by an adult, on purpose.

The makeup department decided they would literally cut my little sister’s face with a scalpel, in three places, and put bandages over them. My sister told me our mother wasn’t in the makeup room when this happened — honestly, it seemed like our mother was strangely and conveniently absent when most of the really terrible things happened to us on the set — and when my sister told her what they’d done, she “lost her shit” at the production. She was pissed, I guess, which is appropriate and surprising. I wonder what would have to have happened for her to put us on a plane and get us home to safety? I mean, her son being abused daily didn’t do it, and her daughter being CUT IN THE FACE ON PURPOSE didn’t do it.

I just . . . I can’t. I can’t understand or comprehend allowing your own children to be physically and emotionally abused. They were literally selling my sister and me to these people, like we were some kind of commodity.

This was a tough conversation. My sister’s experience with our parents is very different from mine. My sister and I love each other. We’re close. I know it’s hard for her to hear that her brother, who she loves, was so abused by her parents, who she also loves. I was really grateful she made the time to talk to me about it, and grateful the experience wasn’t as horrible for her as it was for me.

As we were finishing our call, Amy also remembered one man, a young Italian named Luka, who was our driver for the movie. I haven’t thought about him in thirty years, but I can see his face now. He was kind, he was friendly, he taught us how to kick a soccer ball, and in the middle of an abusive, torturous experience, he stood out as a kind and gentle man. I mention him because she remembered him, which made me remember him, and goddammit I want at least one small part of this thing to not be awful.

The Curse remains one of the most consequential times the adults in my life failed to protect me. I’m 50. I still have nightmares.

Ultimately, as I predicted and feared, this piece of shit movie cashed me out of respectable films forever. I got offers for movies, but they were always mindless comedies or exploitative horror films. They were never the serious dramas I wanted to work in after Stand by Me. The industry looked at me and River, wondering if one or both of us would become a breakout star. They quickly saw that River was doing real acting work, and I was in this piece of shit. For River, Stand by Me was a beginning. For me, it would turn out to be pretty much everything, at least as far as film goes.

There are thousands of reasons film careers do and don’t take off. Maybe mine wouldn’t have taken off anyway. Clearly, it’s not where my life ended up, and I’m super okay with that now. But when all of this happened, it hurt and haunted me.

The Curse remains one of the most consequential times the adults in my life failed to protect me. I’m 50. I still have nightmares. Everything I need to know about who my parents are is wrapped up in that experience: the total lack of concern for my safety and happiness, treating me like an asset instead of a son, lying to me, manipulating me, and using me to get things they wanted, and then gaslighting me about it.

This annotation is the last thing I wrote before I turned this manuscript in, because opening these wounds is hard and painful. I put it off as long as I could, and I feel like I’m still holding back, because just this small glimpse of the experience has taken me a week to write. I can’t imagine trying to go back and unpack the whole thing. (Note that is not in the book: I’ve made an EMDR appointment to work on this because the nightmares have come back after the weekend).

Fuck The Curse, and fuck every single person who exploited and hurt two beautiful children to make it. You all participated in child abuse, and you all knew better. Shame on all of you. I hope this follows you to the end of your life. I hope that living with what you did to innocent children has been as hard for you as it has been for me, because you deserve no less.

#tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw exploitation #child actor #still just a geek #lucio fulci #trauma survivor #speaking up for the child who was silenced by his abusers

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA if I didn’t side with my mom in an argument at the checkout of a department store?

To be clear, I didn’t think I was the AH here but my mom did.

This was a few years ago, and I (early 20s M) was at the department store with my sister (late teens F) and my mom (50s F). I saw a cool coat I wanted to buy. I don’t often find stuff I like that’s also my size, and although it was missing the decorative belt thing, I thought that’s fine and put it together with the other clothes we wanted to get. My mom said she’s gonna ask for a discount on it bc it was defective and I shrugged bc sure, why not, it wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?

Clearly, I was wrong. We go to check out, and the lady working there was probably a new hire because she was having trouble with the machines. I didn’t see an issue with it, bc everybody’s gotta learn, but my mom took offense. This was compounded by the fact that neither the lady nor my mom are native English speakers and both spoke with an accent (the lady’s was a bit heavier than my mom’s). So both of them were having trouble understanding each other, and my mom’s solution to “I don’t understand you” is to speak more loudly, which ends up as yelling. Obviously, this makes everyone uncomfortable and probably scared the lady a lot.

My mom asks for the discount, the lady says she can’t/doesn’t know how, and I say something like “that’s okay we’ll just buy it bc I still really like the coat”. But my mom refused to back down and insisted that because it’s defective we deserve a discount.

So the lady starts trying to help, except the system isn’t working or she doesn’t know how, and my mom got even angrier. I speak up again and try to help by translating what the lady is saying into my mom’s native language (I’m conversationally fluent in her language, and English is my native language). Keep in mind the entire time I’m ALSO trying to tell my mom it’s okay we should just buy the damn coat at its listed sale price. I even offered to put the coat back if it’s too expensive, bc the coat wasn’t worth the public humiliation of standing there for 30 minutes arguing with some poor clerk. My sister and I were so uncomfortable. There was even another lady who was also waiting in line who made a snide comment to the tune of “just leave the poor lady alone she’s just trying to do her job” and I felt so awful because I was genuinely trying my best to tell my mom to stop and that this isn’t worth it. My mom even turned to me at one point (when the lady left to find a manager) and scolded me for trying to speak over her and told me that I wanted that coat so I will get it. Which really hurt my feelings because she wasn’t listening at all to what I was trying to say especially when I made it clear already that we don’t have to get it if it means making a huge scene.

In the end the lady finally managed to reach her manager and he arrives and charms the socks off my mom bc he’s 1, a tall handsome guy, 2, fluent native English speaker, and 3, gave her the damn discount. Fortunately the guy was kind to the employee too bc I think at least one of us would’ve started crying if he started berating her (either her or me bc I felt so fucking horrible about this). And guess what? It came out to a grand total of twenty dollars or something. It’s nothing to sneeze at but it’s also not worth 30 minutes of arguing and making everybody uncomfortable, especially when I literally offered to not even bother anymore with the coat and put it back on the rack.

After we walked out of the store my mom was still really upset and she turned to me and said she felt humiliated when I didn’t stand up for her, and that it’s not about the discount, it’s about “principles” or something. Which made me even more upset, because that wasn’t what I was trying to do and I don’t agree with the “principle” or whatever. I told her I was just trying to deescalate the situation. She still insisted that the woman was incompetent and she didn’t want to deal with incompetent new hires. In the end, I did get her to at least agree that it’s not worth arguing over a $20 discount when there are other solutions available such as just not buying it anymore.

So I guess I’ll ask: AITA for not siding with my mom in an argument over a discount at a department store?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[oceanbilly]

Sorrow's native son

hi, i've never posted a fic and what i wrote might seem strange and unusual, so i wanted to give an explanation beforehand. i happened to read that one page from the stranger things book, max's book to be exact, it was the scene where neil abused billy with a belt and something in me broke and what i wrote was like a knee-jerk reaction to that. it's not really a romantic setting, i think it ended up being gender neutral too (but not 100% sure), i just needed to find a way to make billy less lonely. anyways, i hope there's at least one person who will enjoy it and relate to it.

My finger slid across the different boxes on the shelf. My eyes eventually landed on the one with the sale sign hanging below it. The store was quiet except for the low buzzing of the fluorescent lights. It was getting late.

I heard a bell announcing someone’s arrival. The cold air wrapped around my body like a blanket and I shivered. As I entered another aisle, my eyes fell on Billy Hargrove.

Our paths rarely crossed, yet his sight was uncomfortably familiar. Back in high school, he always made sure to be obnoxious enough to be noticed by everyone. He was loud and bold. Liked showing off his body even in the most inappropriate places and despite the dreadful weather, as if he was rebelling against Hawkins for the sake of it. He liked being intimidating and feared. He liked being admired.

All of that used to make an impression, until the thin veil of bullshit dropped and I saw the nasty truth.

Not long after graduation, when I was walking down Cherry Lane, I saw him carrying a big box out of the back door of his house. I wouldn’t pay much attention if it wasn’t for his father, who was walking closely behind him, pushing him to go faster. When Billy tripped and the box fell with a loud clash, I stopped. I wasn’t planning on helping – it was sheer curiosity more than anything else.

Before even a thought could pass my mind, his father’s booming voice rang in my ears. His mouth danced around the word ‘useless’ like he was used to it, like it was his favorite word and saying it caused him great pleasure. I wanted to scowl and move on, telling myself that it was none of my business, but a pained noise made me freeze. A heavy boot collided with Billy’s ribs once, twice, three times and I felt every kick in my own body. His father spat on him, yelled a few more offensive words and left. I saw Billy push himself up until he was on his hands and knees. His head hung low as he took a few deep breaths. I didn’t know what I should do, or if I should even do anything at all. Billy, however, decided for me, because when he raised his head, his cold eyes pierced through mine and I knew I shouldn’t get close.

In that position on the ground, he seemed like a wounded animal, glaring at me silently. I felt like an intruder. I looked away and forced my feet to start moving again. I walked, but it was harder now, slower, because of the heavy guilt that kept weighing on my shoulders.

After that day, I saw him everywhere. It was like I was being punished for what I did. Or didn’t do. His sight alone always brought back the shame and the guilt.

Right now he was browsing the medicine shelf. He picked up the aspirin and then put it back down. He pulled out a crumpled five dollar bill out of his pocket and looked at it like it was offending him. He also looked different. His hair was gathered in a bun, and instead of his usual showy outfit, he was clothed in sweatpants, a plain t-shirt and a red plaid shirt thrown on top of it. It hung loose on him, too, and it was dripping wet. I looked outside the window, where the heavy November rain was wreaking havoc. He eventually stuffed the money back into his pocket and put the bottle down. He huffed, irritated, and stormed out of the store.

I bit my lip nervously. I quickly grabbed the aspirin and made my way to the checkout. When I went outside, I saw him walking slowly down the street. He wasn’t in a hurry, like there was nowhere he was supposed to be in this nasty weather. His figure illuminated by the street lamps seemed small.

I chased him down and stopped in front of him, successfully cutting him off. I pushed the bottle of aspirin into his hand. He furrowed his brow and looked confused for a second, before his features were clouded by anger.

‘I don’t need fucking charity,’ he spat.

‘Take it or don’t, I don’t give a shit.’ Lies.

Billy has been all I could think about. Every time I saw him in public with his father, my heart sank. It was easy to miss – the light shoves, the way Billy never really looked him in the eye. Whenever I saw him, my mind immediately recalled the image of Billy on his lawn. It was burned into my brain and it paired well with the pang of guilt somewhere in my chest.

He also seemed to remember this moment well, because whenever he spotted me in town, his body tensed and he turned his head away. We never actually talked, but his posture was a warning in itself.

Billy clenched his jaw, but his hand tightened on the bottle. The dim orange light couldn’t hide his swollen eye and a bruised cheekbone. He opened the bottle and took out three pills. I dug in my shopping bag for a water bottle, which I passed it to him. This time he accepted it without any biting remarks. My gaze flickered down to his hands and one look at his clean knuckles told me everything I needed to know. He swallowed the pills.

‘C’mon, I’ll give you a lift,’ I said and pushed past him to go get into my car.

I half expected him to just leave and not look back, maybe flip me off as a goodbye, but to my surprise he slipped into the passenger seat next to me. I took in his face which scrunched up in pain for a second, but he schooled it very fast. The raindrops slid down his cheek.

Billy didn’t seem like the person who could simply accept help. It wasn’t taught to him. His pride got in the way too. His whole body was stiff, like he was ready to bolt any second. Like he was still on the verge of making his final decision. However, these last gruelling months have taught me that he also had a strong survival instinct. If he did something uncharacteristic – he did it out of pure need.

‘So what, you just pity me? Is that it?’ His voice was low and quiet. There was a layer of anger to it. This situation was taking away his control and he didn’t like that.

‘No,’ I replied, starting the engine and pulling out onto the road. ‘I pity your dad.’

‘For having a useless son?’ He asked louder now. The cool mask of anger was cracking, allowing the anxiety to seep through. From the corner of my eye I could see the end of his sleeve gripped tightly in his hand. I flinched at the word. It was now my least favorite word.

‘For being a braindead pissbucket.’ I spat. ‘I believe it’s incurable.’

I risked a quick glance at him and found him staring at me like I grew a second head. He snorted loudly and turned towards the window, a smile playing on his lips. I felt a bit lighter now that he was slightly less tense.

‘Do you want me to…’ I hesitated, knowing I was about to bring his mood down, ‘drop you off at home?’

He didn’t reply, but he shook his head, still looking out the window. I clenched my jaw, eyes fixed firmly on the road. He was out late in the pouring rain in the middle of November wearing these damn rags. He clearly walked for a while and he didn’t have his car. I wondered briefly if his father would be above kicking him out of the house for the night. I didn’t ask where to take him, because I had a feeling he didn’t have anywhere to go.

After ten minutes of silence I pulled up to my driveway.

I got out of the car and leaned down to look at Billy. ’C’mon.’ There was no point in asking. I let him make his decision based on what he really needed right now. He followed me without a word.

I opened the door and pushed him inside first. The pleasant warmth of the house made me sigh in relief. I took off my jacket and shoes, and looked at Billy, who was currently leaving a small puddle on the floor. I walked up to him and gently slid the dripping plaid shirt off of his shoulders. I was going to put it on the radiator in the kitchen, but something caught my eye. His white shirt had splashes of red all over his back. My heart stopped and the shirt slipped out of my hands. No. No, no, no.

‘Billy?’ My voice sounded weak and uncertain.

‘Yeah?’

‘You’re… You’re hurt,’ I said, eyes glued to the blood stains.

He tensed immediately. He didn’t reply and I was worried I saw too much. The most he had hoped for was probably just the painkillers and a place to crash. He didn’t actually plan on letting me in and now I accidentally stepped into his personal space. I was too close to the issue and I knew it scared him.

‘It’s fine,’ he said in a defensive tone. ‘Don’t worry about it.’

I could just let it go. In fact that’s what I should’ve done.

But then I felt it again. It creeped upon my shoulders slowly just to crush me all at once. The guilt. It didn’t let me move. It didn’t let me breathe. After that the panic started to set in. I let him suffer for so long.

I grabbed his hand, led him into the kitchen and made him sit in a chair. I pulled the first aid kit out of the cabinet and I saw it in his eyes. The flash of anger and betrayal, but I have already made my decision.

‘Take your shirt off,’ I said in a serious tone. ‘Please,’ I added quietly.

I expected him to put up a fight or at least make a suggestive joke, but he didn’t. He knew there was no use. The curtain was ripped away a long time ago and he had to accept that. But it was clear that he had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that someone knew the truth.

He gripped the hem of his t-shirt and started pulling it up, but halfway through he made a pained noise and let out a frustrated sigh. I grabbed the shirt for him and gently pulled it off.

When my eyes landed on his back, I felt dizzy. His tan skin was littered with angry red welts. The bruises were slowly blooming all over his back and the skin was broken in places. My first instinct was to ask him if he was hit by a car, but I knew better. And then I saw a few deep red squares that made me sick. The belt buckle.

“Jesus,” I breathed, before I could stop myself. I reeled back horrified. I’ve never seen anyone hurt this badly. I tried not to overreact – I had a feeling he would just run if I did. I suppressed my rising panic and closed my eyes for a second. It didn’t help much, the image already burned behind my eyelids. “I’m gonna clean it up, is that okay?” I asked, full of hesitation. I wasn’t sure how to even approach this without making him upset or ashamed. He was in a very vulnerable position, which could trigger his fight or flight response.

He didn’t reply, but he did give me a quick nod.

Feeling slightly relieved, I took out a cloth, dampened it and gently pressed it against his skin, trying to clean the dried blood away to see the wounds clearly. He flinched, but stayed quiet. I had to resist the urge to just take my hand away, so that I wouldn’t cause him any more pain, but this had to be done.

I drenched a gauze in an antiseptic and with a light hand started to disinfect the injuries. That did get a hiss and a muted fuck out of him, which I tried my hardest to ignore. Looking at his massacred back up close was making me lightheaded.

How could someone do this to another person? To their own kid?

The shame I felt was shattering. I knew. I knew this whole time and I failed him. My mind was cruel enough to make me feel like I was the one holding the belt.

I tried to be quick with the antiseptic, because his body felt like a tightly wound up string, ready to snap at any moment. I looked at the pile of bloodied gauzes and felt nauseous.

I took a few clean ones and covered the wounds, and then secured them with some medical tape. It looked a bit ridiculous and not professional at all, but the aesthetics didn’t matter right now. After I was done, Billy didn’t say anything. He wasn’t really moving either. I could only imagine what was going through his head right now.

I sat down in front of him to check how he was doing and I was met with a very hard image to take. He wasn’t crying. His head was hanging low and he was staring at the floor. His eyes were eerily hollow. Emotionless. There was no dramatic reaction, no sobbing, no fighting. Just acceptance.

I put away the first aid kit and cleaned up the used supplies.

‘Any cracked ribs?’ I asked standing awkwardly next to him. He shook his head without looking at me.

I was conflicted. I didn’t feel like I had the right to act like his friend now, but leaving him alone was not even an option. I looked at him sitting there. His body wasn’t as muscular as it used to be, he looked thinner. When he was hunched over like that, his skin stretched over his ribs grotesquely. He seemed to be a shell of the Hawkins High king he once was. All of his friends who used to worship him left the town. He was alone.

I put the kettle on and prepared some hot tea to warm him up. He didn’t even move, didn’t speak. He was lost in thought. I put two mugs on the table and sat down in front of him.

I wasn’t certain if I should say anything, but when I looked at him my heart broke. I saw my hand reach out involuntarily and cover his. It was cold. His head snapped up and he looked at me surprised.

‘I… I’m sorry, Billy. I’m sorry for what I did.’

He seemed confused. ‘What did you do?’

‘I pretended like I didn’t see it. I acted like I didn’t know.’

He looked down again and shook his head. ‘It’s not your job to help. I manage on my own.’

I squeezed his hand lightly.

‘I know we’re not friends, but… I don’t want you to be on your own anymore. If you let me, I’ll be there for you. With you.’

The look he gave me was indescribable. His brows were drawn gently like he didn’t quite understand what I was saying.  The feeling of support was so alien to Billy he wasn’t sure how to react. I wanted him to know that if he shared this burden, it would get a bit lighter. He didn’t have carry it alone anymore.

He didn’t sob or open up immediately. He did not pour his feelings out to me. He sat there quietly for a long time, but I could see that there was no anger or fear darkening his beautiful face anymore. He was weighing his options, thinking carefully about the secret he has kept for so long. He was now forced to confront it, to look this monster in the eye and call it by its name. He had to acknowledge his pain, really feel it instead of burying it deep under his skin.

The yellow overhead light in my kitchen betrayed Billy and I caught the glimpse of how glassy his eyes were. He didn’t let the tears fall. He didn’t even let his voice break.

All he said was: ‘Okay.’

And I knew he was ready to let me in.

#how the fuck do i even tag this #bc it's not exactly billy hargrove x reader #i mean it could be? #not even really oc #kinda like the reader one with with the first person perspective #ugh whatever #don't be mad at me #i just dont know how to tag this #billy hargrove #billy hargove imagine #billy hargove x reader #billy hargrove x oc #billy hargrove x original character #stranger things #billy hargrove x y/n #stranger things imagine #stranger things x reader #stranger things fanfic #stranger things x oc #character study #my fic #also i will be writing harringrove too #this fic was just healing for me but i rarely write self insert or reader stuff

[lean-mean-demon-genevieve]

Hello, I've recently started reading your blog and am enjoying it so far. I'm curious on your thoughts about a few things. What is your overall opinion on Jared? I've been noticing lately that Jared has been looking more miserable lately and looks a good bit thinner than he did a couple years ago. I also noticed his hair doesn't look as soft and shiny as it used to.

I watched the Mens Health video of an interview with him on what he eats and his workout routine. I noticed there was relatively little protein outside of him mentioning chicken, cheese and sometimes eggs and bacon. I also recall him mentioning he doesn't really eat carbs either. Do you think Gen is perhaps trying to control his diet and that it's possibly impacting his health mentally and physically? I know of people who do keto right and are healthy but I'm wondering if Jared is really doing that right, especially with what I've noticed and also tends to get sick a lot. I'm also wondering why he had to use a hyperbaric chamber to get more oxygen to his brain at one point.

Also, I saw a post of yours where you mentioned your first disdain of Gen is much stronger than it is towards Danneel. Would you be kind enough to tell me why you hate Gen a lot more than Danneel?

Thank you for your time in reading and hopefully answering this all.

Oh man, I’ve been super busy for the past several weeks, then sick, and haven’t gotten around to responding to asks in any particular order. But I’ve also been hesitant to touch this one because anyone that comes anywhere close to Jared critical content is immediately chased with pitchforks around here. It is so divided and therefore people are defending their faves to the death. Especially since Prequelgate, Jared, and thus Gen, are the current Prom King and Queen in the areas of fandom I most often see. And let me be clear that I’m not a Heller nor am I anti-Jared but I’m just also not a stan…of anyone. Honestly, I’m an “eat the rich” leftist at heart who believes anyone’s choices can be looked at with a critical eye.

(Long post under the cut)

To answer the easy stuff first, I don’t feel as strongly about Danneel because, except for a few appearances here and there, she keeps to herself lately and doesn’t give me a reason to really analyze her behaviors. I wasn’t deep into fandom during the early days of her and Jensen getting married and all of her territorial behaviors, so I don’t bring all of that with me to the present day. I do hate the way Danneel panders to Hellers and I did pick up on some irritating comments in her most recent OTH podcast appearance. The response from a fan question at HonCon about how Jensen can never impress her makes me roll my eyes and is part of their schtick that feels very tired. I don’t think we would be friends, but Danneel doesn’t get under my skin quite the same way Gen does. I think in some ways, Danneel has been more openly who she is (even if it was bitchy and unlikeable) whereas Gen has hidden behind a Mary Sue persona of golly-gee-whiz perfection…and I just respect that authenticity more.

Describing why I am anti Gen is…honestly difficult to summarize. I will link some of my other posts to help. Right away, it’s not because I’m jealous and she gets to be married to Jared. Overall, it lies in all the inconsistencies and hypocrisies which, honestly, I wouldn’t even be aware of if she wasn’t so set on proving her worth to herself by building a platform to manipulate her fans with sales pitches. She preaches sustainability while also jet-setting constantly. And she’s more of a flip-flopper than a preacher, so understanding what she even stands for is difficult. She wants to sell you 6 different supplements for the almighty gut health while also being seen drinking alcohol regularly. And when she laments about being stressed I lose my entire mind because most of us could only dream of having her version of stress. In one of her most recent IG story ads she complained that 2 trips out of the country (and away from her children) were just SO HARD to deal with! To me, instead of the relatable vibe she’s going for, she regularly comes off as entirely ungrateful and unaware of all of her privileges.

When I look at Gen, don’t see the same “goofy, light-hearted mom who is altruistically trying gosh darn hard to save the world with recycling and kindness” that her fans see. I see an uptight yet insecure grifter who skates by in this fandom by doing the bare minimum while being praised like a saint. And I think that it is her connection to Jared that affords her all the fandom grace. When people still refer to this grown man as one of their “boys” and liken him to “literal sunshine,” puppies, and sunflowers…well, imagine the positive assumptions we make about a partner that person chooses.

(I hate referring to either J as a boy, don’t come for me…and I’ve seen Jensen receiving the same stanning that also makes me gag lol)

While I hope Jared is not struggling with any other underlying health issue, his frame has appeared to change in recent years. But I’m definitely not here to say that this is due to Gen “controlling” him in any way. I do think Gen has/has had her own issues with eating (she admitted to having history of an eating disorder in a podcast once) and excessive exercise, but Jared is a grown man who makes his own decisions. Jared himself has alluded to insecurities in his body image over the years, praised what I would call disordered eating practices like fasting, and his bulked up frame as Soulless Sam was suspected of having anabolic help at the time. I do think he dabbles in manipulating diet and exercise in different ways like every one else in The Biz and I think he has a naturally lanky frame. So if he doesn’t want to work out constantly in order to stay swole, then I fully respect that. There is also the issue of his knee that no doubt impacts his capabilities as well.

As for the hyperbaric chamber (mentioned during Jared’s appearance on the Inside of You podcast on 5/24/22): he didn’t need it and the evidence that it even fixes anything just isn’t there. That doctor is a known quack, and he sucked Jared right in. At these clinics they take specialized (and not widely accepted in the field of actual neuroscience) scans of your brain and present you with scary results in order to sell these expensive chambers and their own supplements. It’s a racket. Now, how did he find his way to an Amen Clinic in Costa Mesa, CA? I really couldn’t tell you, but it does sound like the shifty, woo woo alternative medicine that Gen has also been pursuing for her “brain fog.” But then again, his supposed buddy and co-star Keegan Allen is also a health and wellness wackadoo, and we’ve seen Jared get sucked in by the likes of that young lady with the boutique IV drip clinic too. Jared has also shouted out Joe Rogan multiple times. He’s got multiple influences.

If Gen and/or Jared is concerned about their cognitive functioning, as a person with connection to the world of eating disorders, my opinion is that they invest in less oxygen chambers and instead at least consider more carbohydrates and overall calories. You’d be amazed at how much less foggy your brain feels when it’s properly nourished. And no, I’m not diagnosing anyone here, but I am saying that people with access to these expensive specialists are sometimes overlooking an answer that is right in front of their faces simply because eating a wider variety of nutrients would betray their brand. And sometimes people are scared to eat more when they can no longer workout like they use to and have an image to maintain.

#anti genevieve #somebody is going to snap on me for some of this #i can just feel it

[trashquisitor-shirozora]

Oh my god the Mandalorian s3 decisions being a push to make Bo Katan more marketable for women makes so much sense.

I’ve been watching the flames of season 3 for afar wondering what possibly possessed them to sideline the wildly popular duo of Din and Grogu in favor of this Bo Katan stuff, aside from the obvious future content advertisement… it’s because it’s popular with women…

Like it’s a known pattern that corporations hate when something they’ve created aimed at men is disproportionately popular with women because they strive to keep a very distinct line between Boy things and Girl things. Anything Star Wars is for men, except the acceptable Girl Things like Leia and Padme and Asoka. But then the Mandalorian became wildly popular with women and they can’t just cancel a cash cow like the Mandalorian without milking everything they can from it so they’re like “well let’s bring in Bo Katan she’s for the Women now start making the toys”

I am so late to this but that meant time to simmer and seethe over Disney's decisions before and lately, and things I've read over the years about how corporations market to their target audiences, and how little things have changed.

I saw rumors and theories that KKKennedy (y'all sorry I keep calling her that but iykyk) meddled a LOT with The Mandalorian and Jon even threatened to quit, but at the end of the day the Mouse House has the final say and we're stuck with their decisions. I really don't know how the final numbers will look, how it'll affect their merch sales, and what it means for the future seasons of The Mandalorian. Maybe the hard pivot to redeem Bo-Katan for the bajillionth time will be the new cash cow or the canary in the coal mine (for The Mandalorian; I'm sure Ahsoka will be a hit no matter what). Maybe they gambled right or they've lost too many viewers who wanted Din and Grogu to be the heart and soul and center of this particular show. It's called The Mandalorian after all. If they want to claim that it could be any Mandalorian who's The Mandalorian of these season, then maybe Season 2 should've followed a different Mandalorian and established this before scamming us with Season 3. They were already trying that with TBOBF before having Din and Grogu steal the show.

But now that I've seen those rumors and theories, I could not fucking stop thinking about what happened when the ST was rolling out and when Rogue 1 and Solo came out. I could not stop thinking about the casting choices for Rey, Jyn, and Qi'ra, could not stop thinking about how white and brunette they were. I could not stop thinking about KKKennedy and others talking about how they wanted to bring more female fans to Star Wars, acting like Star Wars was exclusively a male space, which, what a fucking insult. I could not forget pictures of her wearing "The Force is Female" shirts and pushing this message so fucking hard that it would keep showing up in critical reviews of TLJ/TROS/ST as proof that Disney didn't know what it was doing.

Rey, Jyn, and Qi'ra were lucky to not have the kind of long history that Bo-Katan already had in the gffa by the time she made her live-action debut. It didn't take much to google her involvement in TCW and Rebels, and see what she'd done. I've seen commenters say she redeemed herself in Rebels by rallying the Mandalorians but are you sure about that? Are we still having trouble with writing redemption arcs after the fucking horrible one Disney put Kylo Ren through to the detriment of every other character not named Rey?

I wouldn't have minded Bo-Katan having greater involvement in Season 3 if she didn't basically take charge of not just the COTW but also the entire show. Watch out for the new merch of her with the Darksaber now. Probably the most we'll get out of Din is whatever happens to him in the season finale because Disney gotta make more money, amirite? Grogu got a new accessory so that Disney can sell new versions of him, so why not Din?

I truly envy the poeple who are having a good time or don't need to have these thoughts constantly in their heads while watching. I didn't have a good time and I can never turn those thoughts off. I don't have the luxury so I'm never shutting up about this.

ftr I unfollowed Okiro after the billionth time he called Din, Grogu, and Bo-Katan "Clan of Three". what the fuck had she done to earn equal footing?

#shirozora awkwardly responds to asks #the mandalorian #the mandalorian critical #mando critical #the mandalorian season 3 #mando spoilers #sorry y'all but as a yellow person i am ALWAYS constantly aware of this shit #i cannot deal with kkkennedy's brand of white feminism interfering with good stories and sensible character arcs #sorry also for these long asks but i can't help critical ramblings because i have nothing else to offer for this season #ask box will still be open but i gotta yeet myself out of it until I'm done with these illustrations

[eddiemunsonw]

It takes one kiss

CHAPTER 1 - Stupid party games

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5

Steddie Fanfic

Summary: Steve hosts a party and ends up suffering through the consequences of humoring Tommy.

OR

Steve Harrington kisses Eddie Munson by accident and that sucked. Right?

CW / Disclaimer: Some mild overlap with S4 scenes (barely) - But (!!) Eddie lives - Mention of F-slur once.

Author’s note: My first Steddie fic! Another first woop. Let's hope you like. It has five parts that I'll be posting both on here and on my ao3: eddiemunsons. Enjoy!

Words: (of current chapter) 3695 / (complete fic) 15381

Steve’s POV

Would it really be a Saturday night if Steve Harrington wasn’t hosting a party at his parentless house right before break? Exactly. Steve had counted more heads than he could remember and barely recognized half of them. It didn’t matter. He put the breakable stuff away in his parents’ room, locked it. All was good. At least, until Tommy decided everyone had to join in these stupid party games. They played spin the bottle for a while, which Steve gleefully avoided because Tammy Thompson was in the circle and he did not want to kiss her. She had been making eyes at him more and more lately and he was not ready for accidentally dropping wrong clues in her direction. He didn’t care much about the others either, but he wouldn’t mind making out a bit if he was honest.

Apparently, Tommy could read thoughts nowadays, because one minute Steve was enjoying some spiked mixture that Carol had made in his father’s favorite armchair (that still looked good as new considering he never sat in it) and the next he got hauled up by Tommy.

“Who wants their kissing skills rated by King Steve?!”

“Tommy, what—”

“Watch, this is gonna be great. You might get a nice hookup out of this and if not, at least you made out with a bunch of hot chicks. We line ‘em all up and you give them a number one to ten. Easy peasy.”

“No T—”

“Tammy, yeah, I know. Alright, you just stand here, I’m gonna steal someone’s tie for a blindfold. There’s always some fucker walking around like he’s on the way to a funeral.”

Steve stood there, still swaying a bit unsteady as he had just downed the pretty strong drink a little too quickly before Tommy pulled him on his feet. So he was going to kiss a bunch of girls. Alright, whatever. He glanced around and was met with several eager, several nervous faces.

Not much later, Tommy returned with someone’s scarf instead of a tie and wasted no time tying it around Steve’s head.

“Careful for the hair, man. You’re gonna make it look all loopy,” Steve complained softly as Tommy sniggered and tugged the scarf a bit tighter.

“Can you see anything?” If Tommy was waving his hand in front of Steve, which he was pretty sure he was doing right now, Steve couldn’t see.

“Nope. Dark as the night.”

Tommy sounded like he was holding a sales pitch. It probably would have worked for a kissing booth or something, except people were supposed to pay for that, for charity or something. Right now, it felt like Steve was the one giving out charity. He realized a little too late that he actually didn’t feel like making out with people at all. Backing down now, however, meant being questioned. And he was way too drunk and honest for that right now. Which in turn also worried him a little if he was supposed to rate these girls. This was going to be brutal. He had to remind himself to give some decent numbers at least.

“Alright ladies, form a line.” Tommy’s broad hands grasped onto Steve’s shoulders and pulled him to the start of the line. “Do you wanna rate them at the end or in between?” he asked him.

“At the end, otherwise I can’t compare.”

“Makes sense. I thought you were too drunk already to still have some logic inside that pretty little brain of yours,” Tommy said mockingly, laughing as he nudged Steve forward.

“Contestant number one! And for the record everyone, no one gives away who he’s kissing. This has to be fair and square.”

“Right. Uh, hi,” Steve said awkwardly, feeling awfully vulnerable now that the majority of the people in the living room seemed to be watching the spectacle, if the hushed conversations were anything to go by. Someone turned the music up a bit and Steve could feel himself relax a little. He wanted to lift his hands to grab her face but assumed that might be counted as cheating as well, so instead he just leaned in and hoped she would do the same. The first kiss was no more than a lengthy peck on the lips which was fine but a little boring. Tommy moved him to the next girl, who wrestled with his tongue as if she wanted to take it out of his mouth and swallow it whole. Unpleasant. The third was actually kind of nice, with just enough tongue and her lips were soft too. After that, everything seemed to blend together apart from the eighth girl who bit his lip a little too hard. He had no idea how many girls Tommy had rounded up for him to kiss and he lost count after ten. His lips started to become sore when he got to what he later came to realize was his thirteenth kiss.

Eddie’s POV

Harrington’s parties were always the best for selling. Lots of people, often people whose pockets were spilling over with their parent’s gracious allowance and he could easily get his deals done without authorities noticing. That was a little trickier at a high school. After he was done dealing he decided to make use of the free food and drinks that were displayed and spent quite some time outside with a bottle of liquor he had found in the cabinet below the sink. He realized he was probably unfit to drive with the amount of alcohol in his system and decided it might be a good idea to sleep it off near the pool until a couple started stripping off their clothes right next to him.

He jumped up, stumbling forward towards the house as he rested a tired hand on the sliding door until he realized that he was pressing against nothing. How he managed to not completely trip, he had no clue. He also had no idea how he managed to halt in front of a blindfolded Steve Harrington, who suddenly leaned in and kissed him full on the lips.

The faint arguing of Tommy and Tammy right next to him was easily drowned out by the slaughtering beating his heart was getting as he not only felt Harrington’s lips against his, but he felt them move. This was no clumsy stumbling forward action like Eddie had done, this was deliberately kissing him. Eddie gasped unwillingly, his lips parting slightly as he did so. Which was either the best or the worst thing he could have done, because now Harrington was slipping his tongue inside his mouth and Christ it felt good.

All that had ever made sense in his life flew out the window and he focused on what he felt only. Listened to what his body wanted. And man, if there was anything his body wanted right now like a lost man in the desert wanted water, it was kissing Steve Harrington.

With some hesitation he let his own tongue join in on the fun, gliding across the other boy’s. He reveled in the fact that a soft noise escaped Steve’s lips when he nipped at his lip and soothed it with his tongue before diving in again, his head angled slightly to deepen the kiss. If either boy had paid any mind to their surroundings, they would have noticed the silence. People had stopped talking mid sentence to witness what was going on. Even Tammy forgot to argue with Tommy about being pushed aside just as Steve wanted to kiss her. Some watched with curiosity, others with pure disgust. When Tommy finally interrupted them, Steve seemed reluctant to move away, licking his lips in the aftermath. Eddie was brought back to reality as he watched Tommy’s disgusted expression, which matched a lot of other people that were currently staring at him in silence. Eddie quickly backed away towards the kitchen and was ready to leave entirely when Steve spoke up, making him linger. Him and his stupid curiosity.

Steve’s POV

“Am I done now?”

“Y-Yeah man. Here.” Tommy helped Steve with his blindfold and the latter blinked a few times to adjust to the light. Still a little high on the feeling that last kiss had given him, he looked around the room oblivious to the weird stares. Maybe they were just jealous, or something. Or maybe it had been a little too wild. He suppressed a grin by biting down on his lip and looked at Tommy.

“How many girls did I kiss? I lost count.”

Carol giggled drunkenly and opened her mouth but Tommy elbowed her.

“Thirteen.”

“Shit, okay,” he chuckled, trying to recall them separately. It was impossible. Rating them at the end without making notes in between was impossible. So instead, he went for decent ratings. He remembered a few numbers vaguely enough to know what to rate them with. Ultimately he left people with 6’s, 7’s and even one 8. The girl he had scored an 8 happened to be kind of pretty, so that was fortunate.

“So… that leaves the last one,” Steve said, eager to find out who he had been kissing last. He hoped she was pretty. Looks weren’t everything, but they were a pretty fucking great bonus. Steve noticed that the crowd died down again, which was unusual for his parties. It had only been a kiss, so why were they being so weird about it? There hadn’t been any weird silences in between his other kisses. He decided he couldn’t care less. He just wanted to know who it was.

“Number thirteen I rate 9.5 out of 10,” Steve started, hearing a few gasps and giggles as he stated the number. “I would have given her a ten if our kiss wasn’t cut short by Tommy,” he said while glaring at Tommy who wore an expression he couldn’t decipher even if he had been sober. Weird. “So… Who was it?”

Steve looked around the room, silently taking hopeful guesses at a few pretty faces until his eyes landed on Tommy. “Well?”

“Uh—”

Carol started giggling again, her eyes nearly closed as she snorted and spilled a bit of her drink on the floor. Nothing new. Steve did wonder what was so funny.

“Steeeeve,” she giggled, then hiccupped and Tommy gave her a worried glance. Again, nothing new, right? Carol was drunk more often than not at parties. Tommy avoided his gaze but Steve didn’t miss a flicker of disgust crossing his eyes. What the fuck was going on? Was she ugly or something?

“Steve,” Carol giggled again, catching his attention once more, “you kissed the freak!”

Cold dread filled him instantly and his eyes snapped up towards the kitchen, following Carol’s gesture, where no other than Eddie Munson had just let his red cup slip from his fingers, staring at him like a deer caught in headlights. Eddie Munson?!

Eddie’s POV

Oh fuck. Oh shit. Shit shit shit. This wasn’t good. This was bad, very bad. He glanced down at his shoes, his laces now soaked with the sticky punch he had filled himself a cup with when Carol had slipped out that it had been him. Steve Harrington, his goonies and basically everyone else at the party were staring at him. And what he did next, truly made him wonder whether he had a death wish or something. Unprovoked, not a thought crossing his mind other than sheer panic, and yet he did it anyway. He looked Steve Harrington straight in the eyes and fucking winked.

He knew he shouldn’t have done that, he did. But what made him really fucking certain that it had been a bad idea was when Harrington charged towards him and grabbed him by his shirt, roughly shaking him up.

“Why did you kiss me?! Wasn’t it obvious what was going on?” Harrington practically yelled at him, startling even himself by the look on his face. Eddie lifted his hands up in defense while his brain worked hard to create sentences in his head.

“First of all, you kissed me. Secondly, I literally stumbled inside because I tripped over your goddamn door sill and happened to land in front of you. I didn’t know what was going on until we were already doing it,” Eddie explained exasperatedly. Feeling Harrington’s rapid breathing teasing his throat was not helping him to think straight. Eddie noticed how the other boy’s eyes quickly darted to the people gaping at their interaction and he lowered his voice a little. 

“You could have stopped it, stepped back or something!”

“I could, but… I didn’t,” Eddie sighed and licked his lips as his eyes accidentally flicked down to Steve’s mouth. What was there to say? They kissed, it wasn’t the end of the world. Clearly, Steve had liked it too. Wait. Steve had liked it too. Shit. Before he knew it, his mouth was running again. 

“Besides… you literally rated me a 9.5. You were clearly enjoying yourself, as much as the reveal of who it was disappointed you.”

Anger, panic and the slightest flicker of disgust flashed in Steve’s eyes and he pushed Eddie backwards with force. The unexpected push caused him to stumble backwards and land his back on the counter painfully, a grunt escaping his lips.

“Just stay the fuck away from me, freak!” Steve seethed, his eyes blazing as he furiously rubbed his mouth on his sleeve.

Okay… dramatic much. Eddie straightened his back, briefly glancing over at the rest of the crowd who all had negative expressions on their faces reserved specifically for him. He couldn’t care less about those, he was used to it. Hell, most of those people had looked at him like that at some point throughout this evening. Never Steve Harrington though. While ‘The King’ never acknowledged him, he at the very least didn’t go out of his way to taunt him. Never stuck up for him either, but that was okay. Eddie knew being a popular kid basically stripped you from being able to act out human decency. However, it still hurt like a bitch when he of all people called him a freak. Tommy had, loads of times. He never let the opportunity slide in fact. Carol too, whenever she wanted to be extra cool around Tommy. But Steve? Never. Not once. It didn’t help that Eddie had a silly little crush on the guy either. He knew it was impossible, but still. This shit hurt.

He knew when to take his leave though. It wouldn’t be the first time he had gotten a beating, but he really wasn’t feeling one tonight. Today had been good overall. It would have continued to be good had he not stumbled right in front of Steve Harrington, who had then kissed him. During the few times he had allowed himself to fantasize about him, their first kiss had never gone like this. He wished he could forget about all of it, but as fucked up as the whole situation was, kissing Steve Harrington had felt fucking amazing. It would be impossible to forget in his lifetime.

All eyes were on him as he quietly made his way through the crowd towards the front door and he received a couple shoves from jocks, the other f-word being slung to his head as well. The front door closed behind him with a bang and he walked to his van without looking back. Listening to the deafening silence around him save from the crunch of his shoes on the asphalt. As soon as he closed the door of his van and drove off, he only felt a little annoyed about the tears spilling on his cheeks.

Steve’s POV

“What are you all looking at? Go party or get lost already,” he grunted as he stepped on a red cup on the ground. After some awkward shuffling, one person had the brains to turn the music back on at a decent volume and slowly everyone continued what they were doing before the whole thing happened. Tommy approached him cautiously and leaned on the kitchen island with his arm, facing him.

“Did you mean it?” he asked, a question way too vague for Steve’s jumbled thoughts at the moment. He reached for the bottle in the cabinet below the sink and found it missing, much to his annoyance. Which person would snoop around the cabinets when there was a table filled of shit? Rude. He could have used some stronger stuff right now.

“Did I mean what?” Steve responded impatiently when Tommy failed to give any context. The other guy awkwardly gestured towards the living room near the spot where Steve had walked away from earlier and shrugged.

“You know. The 9.5 you gave to the freak.”

Steve froze in his movement for only a second before he frowned at his friend. He noticed Tommy looked quite uncomfortable and he hated it. Hated that he had been betrayed so hard by everyone around him. It wasn’t just Munson who had let it happen. It was Tommy, Carol and everyone else too. They had all seen him kiss someone he wasn’t supposed to kiss, and how could he have known? He had been blindfolded! Sure, he had smelled cologne and tasted smoke and they had been the tiniest bit taller than him but… All of that didn’t necessarily scream “guy” or something. It could have just been a slightly taller girl that liked to smoke and used her dads cologne for whatever weird reason. Who cares? But no. Tommy had watched him make out with… him, for god knows how long. It was awful. He had never hated anything more in his life. Steve scoffed.

“Are you kidding me? I was totally joking. I was gonna tell them it was actually a 1.5 and that they should get some more practice. As a joke.” He sincerely hoped his lie was believable enough for Tommy because he sure as hell couldn’t convince himself. Unfortunately, Tommy didn’t buy it.

“Doesn’t really sound like something you would do,” Tommy said quietly, almost accusingly. As if not being a dickhead was the worst thing in the world. He wanted to be the biggest dickhead. Anything was better than being the guy who kissed the freak and rated him a near tenner.

“Yeah? Well. Standing by and letting that freak kiss your friend doesn’t really sound like good old Tommy either. What the actual fuck, dude?! You let me down, man! This was all your idea and look what happened! The fact that you’re even asking me this is really fucked up.”

“Maybe if you hadn’t looked like you were into it that much I wouldn’t have to ask, Steve,” Tommy seethed, visibly angry. “You were literally sucking each other's faces off. I have never seen you kiss Nancy like that. Or any girl for that matter.”

“Sounds like you enjoy watching me kiss a lot. Is that it? Did it awaken something in you?” Steve bit back. Tommy seemed ready to punch him but Steve didn’t care. He wasn’t in the wrong here, Tommy was.

“Are you calling me a fag, dude?” Tommy’s eyes were blazing by now, his fists clenched at his sides as he straightened his back. Steve shrugged carelessly.

“I’m not calling you anything, but if the shoe fits…”

“You take that back. You fucking take that back right now or I’ll—”

“COPS!! EVERYONE OUT!”

Oh, great. More drama. Tommy gave him one last venomous look and then made a run towards Carol, grabbed her hand and left through the back door. Steve watched as people left his house through the windows, heard them jump from the first floor onto the roof before jumping down on the lawn and the most impatient line was starting to form at the front door. His parents were going to love this. 

After humoring Hopper for a little while, he went back inside with a warning and cleaned up most of the mess everyone had left around until he noticed that the sun was coming up. It didn’t matter. He wouldn’t have been able to sleep anyway. Not with that goddamn kiss lingering in his mind, lips tingling from the mere afterthought of it. 

He hated everything about it, but most of all the fact that he had liked it. There was probably a logical explanation for it. He thought he had been kissing a girl after all. Eddie had full lips. Girls often had full lips. Did guys often have full lips? He sure didn’t. And then there was the wink and the staring at his lips that Munson had so carelessly done in front of everyone. He had heard the rumors about Munson being gay but always assumed it was bullshit because he had seen him trying to flirt and fail at it with girls often enough. He didn’t look gay. But being gay didn’t really have to do with looks, did it? Anyone could be gay. Or straight. You weren’t straight by default if you looked like a jock or something. He passed a mirror on the way to his bedroom and halted, taking in his appearance. Peered at himself to see if he could spot telltale signs of any sexuality there.

He had a square jaw, that was manly. But his hair looked better than half the girls in his year. Not so manly? But again, did it really matter if you looked manly or not? What did it even fucking mean? His head hurt from overthinking combined with lack of sleep. This was all way too complicated.

Steve liked girls. Girls liked Steve. Those two statements made sense. He had to hold onto things that just made sense. Right? Yes. And he had to forget about the weird feeling that got sent straight to his groin when Eddie looked down at his lips. Yes. And he also had to forget about how soft his lips were. Yes. And forget about how a kiss had never felt this good before. Yes. He could do this. Steve. Liked. Girls. End of story.

Right?

#steddie #steve x eddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie fanfic #stranger things fanfic

[crehador]

hi! sorry to bother but i had a question about the hypmic lives? i recently got back into the fandom after several years and i wanted to know if there was a general set amount of time we have to wait before the dvds for the lives are for sale? and if its possible to buy any of the previous ones?

hii first of all welcome back to the pit fandom!

you are in the right place with this question bc i definitely know a thing or two about this <- guy who owns multiple copies of every live lol (except the solo lives bc oh god that was expensive)

this'll get long so answer goes under the cut

to start: i am a strong supporter of pirating media you cannot feasibly access otherwise, so don't hesitate to do that. i can't tell you where to actually find the lives online bc i personally do enjoy collecting the physical copies of the lives and throwing my money at the franchise, so i have no idea. but i'm sure they're all out there somewhere if you want to look!

if you are interested in buying them, they'll usually be out within a year of the actual lives taking place. 9th live just released a few weeks back, and 9th live took place nearly a year before that, so sometimes it can be a pretty long wait

10th live may be a somewhat special case because it's the first time we've had multi-angle cameras for the livestream, and i don't know how or if they'll include those on the dvds? i've heard each day is like a 3hr live as well so i'm sure it'll be a big (and pricey) thing even if they don't do anything with the multi-angle camera stuff

in short: i would expect 10th live dvds to be out in about a year, and i would personally guess that they'll cost in the neighborhood of 20k yen at least

(zero out was 16,830 yen on amiami, same price for dvd and bluray, and it seems to me like 10th live is an even bigger live... so i'm expecting it to be more expensive)

if you want to watch 10th live through an official avenue and don't want to wait, it is currently still available for streaming on abema. you can pay for the stream and watch it as many times as you want until the 14th (so there's only a few days left of that) but you'll need a vpn for it to be available in your area (unless you happen to live in japan)

as for the previous lives!

9th live is actually still available on amiami, where i usually get my lives. neither the bluray nor dvd is sold out yet, so you can pick it up that way (but again they are 16,830 yen each)

for older lives, you can generally find them on proxy sites (again, that's only assuming you don't live in japan)

personally i use fromjapan as my proxy. i don't think it's necessarily better than other proxies out there, but it's the one officially affiliated with hypster, which is what i'm mostly buying from lol, so it was just more convenient for me to set up an account there

you can typically find listings for the older lives for quite cheap, sometimes you can even find big lots containing all or most of the lives (usually some cds as well) for a really good price

they also sometimes pop up on mandarake, but won't necessarily be cheapest there

although the prices can be really low (like less than 2k for some lives; for example i just did a quick search and see a copy of six shots for literally only 1,150 yen) keep in mind that there will be shipping! so factor that into your budget as well

one tip on searching, do your searches in japanese (for example search for "ヒプノシスマイク" instead of "hypnosis mic") because sometimes a lot of things don't show up when you search in english. that's the case on fromjapan at least, not sure about other proxies

another tip is do not buy from sites like otaku republic... or whatever it's called, i don't really remember. basically even with expensive overseas shipping, proxies are still so much cheaper, in my experience, than these other sites that mark up prices to absurd rates. like i'll see these english sites selling a doujin for 10,000 yen that you could get for literally 500 yen elsewhere, it's absurd

but ahem yeah tl;dr

10th live dvds should be out in about a year

10th live stream can still be purchased on abema for viewing until the 14th

9th live still available on amiami (possibly elsewhere as well)

older lives best bought through a proxy (fromjapan or whichever you prefer)

keep international shipping in mind if you do not live in japan!

1st live does not exist btw*

2nd and 3rd live are bundled together on one dvd

*like there is no published dvd of it, some footage has been released as part of anniversary celebrations though i'm not sure if that's still available... i'm sure it's somewhere!

#asks #this is a VERY LONG RAMBLE but i hope there is some helpful info in there #feel free to skip to the very bottom for a bullet-point tl;dr

[glitter-lisp]

Au game but I’m making you au your fandom into mine — give me a tangled dragon rider au (doesn’t have to Napoleonic wars related bc I’m a nice person)

jaylia this is so funny because literally in the last chapter of multiverse i sent them to a dragon rider world specifically with you in mind omg okay so this is less of a 5 fun facts and more of 1 setting and 4 character sketches ok SO

think typical high fantasy there are Kingdoms and the the Kingdoms have Magic and also some of the Kingdoms have Dragons and and the Dragons have Dragonriders and when a newborn Dragon picks a human to be their Dragonrider they are shipped off to a multination Dragon School Up In The Mountains To Learn How To Do It also worth noting for this world im stealing the eragon thing that dragons can choose their riders from inside the egg so if you touch a dragon egg sometimes that bitch will hatch on the spot for you and oops now you gotta deal with that. so anyways our cast of character in the ya novel i am dubbing the dragon thief:

hugo. the eponymous dragon thief. part of a thieves guild, stole a dragon egg in transport to sell to the highest bidder because that shit is EXPENSIVE if the sale went through he'd be set for life, except oh holy shit what the fuck it fucking HATCHED, and since dragon bonds are considered sacred across all nations (dragons are too Wise to choose random shitheels obviously) he's immediately pardoned of all crimes and shipped off to dragon school with his hatchling, but being pardoned of your crimes doesn't mean your fellow trainees have forgotten them and everyone at the school knows you once tried to kidnap and sell the baby dragon that is now bonded to you for life, and they treat you accordingly

nuru, a young princess who's descended from a long line of both nobility and dragonriders, but always like, yknow. the eldest daughters. the only-kind-of-joking family motto is "first on the throne, second in the saddle" and nuru is the fourth child so the best she could hope for was a decent dowry and a husband who let her keep studying astronomy, but then at her family's hatching ceremony the hatchling stumbled out of its egg and trotted right past all of nurus sisters and into her arms, so now her family is furious even though she really, really, really didn't mean to buck tradition and steal her sister's dragon, and all of her sister's friends who expected her there after the egg hatched are instead stuck with her pesky baby sister instead

yong. tiny baby child whose parents are trainers at the school, and was therefore raised on the property, and was therefore raised as much by dragons as people. is accidentally EXTREMELY magical by virtue of growing up around so much magical energy. his parents keep him the fuck away from any eggs because of that, for fear of him accidentally pulling an unhatched dragon into a bond because of his power instead of the dragon actually wanting to bond with him as a person. yong somehow manages to find, befriend, and bond with a young wild dragon ("young" by dragon standards at least) instead, leaving him half a decade younger than his mostly teenage and young adult classmates, and his dragon close to a century older than their hatchlings

varian. the first dragonrider trainee from his kingdom invited to study at the school. At least, the first in close to 30 years, since his uncle the king and his dragon were both defeated in battle a few years ago after waging war on the rest of the world for a quarter of a century. edmund is gone and his son eugene, varians older cousin, is doing what he can to fix the wreck of his own kingdom, make amends with their neighboring kingdoms, and restart the dragonrider corps in the dark kingdom, since edmund demanded all other dragons and riders be banished a few decades ago. varian never had anything to do with the war, never fought in it and barely knew his uncle or his dragon, but that doesn't stop people from treating him and his dragon like they're also going to go insane and start murdering people any second

soooooo yeah that's all i got band of misfits at magic school sticking together because everyone else hates them so they might as well

#cypresstrees #vat7k #this is not how it went in the multiverse chapter but if I ever wrote it it would be this

[three--rings]

Hey, so many of my very favorite video games are super on sale right now on Steam, so please allow me to speak at you for a moment.

The sale is a Spike Chunsoft sale, so it includes series like Danganronpa and Stein’s Gate and others. 

But SPECIFICALLY I adore the games of Kotaro Uchikoshi, the Zero Escape series and the AI:The Somnian Files series. 

The Zero Escape games are some of my ALL TIME very favorite video games.  You can get all the games in the series for $25 right now, 75% off. 

Uchikoshi’s games are typically part visual novel, part puzzles, though later games are fully voiced visual novels.  (Actually I 100% forget the steam version of 999 is highly voiced now too...because it wasn’t voiced AT ALL when I played it the first...IDK 4 times.)

Uchikoshi does amazing things with narrative and tells stories that only work in the video game format.  The stories are entirely WILD and often veer from ridiculous to character moments that make you sob. 

The games definitely have horror/violent elements, so some content warning apply.  Like they are NOT playing around and WILL hurt you, but god is it worth it.  The games take a LOT of time to play, and they all have multiple endings/routes with one of them being the “real” or “goal” ending.  But again, WORTH it. 

I have bought MULTIPLE entire game systems to play these games, and the fact you can just BUY them so cheap now is kinda wild to me.  (Also hey, you aren’t going to deal with the game-breaking bug on the 2nd Zero Escape game on the 3DS where I lost 60 hours of progress.)

So yeah, take this as a kick in the butt, if this is at all your kind of thing.

I just finished the first AI game and am buying the second in this game, but I really enjoyed the first. 

(I also love Danganronpa and if you like one series you WILL enjoy the other.  It’s a similar level of Messed Up and Also Deep.)

The sale is going on through the 19th. 

ETA: I wrote this at 6AM so pardon me, but I forgot the series were labeled weird on Steam.  The Nonary Games is a collection of the first two Zero Escape Games.  So one purchase ($12 right now????!!!!!) and you get two full games with each something like 100 hours in it.  (999 depends a lot on decisions how long it takes.  ZE2 is super long to complete.)

The first Zero Escape game, 999: 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors is a mystery set on a sinking replica (?) of the Titanic, in which a cast of 9 people have to find their way through the ship to the last door to escape before it sinks.  But that’s only the surface level of what’s actually going on...

The second ZE game is Virtue’s Last Reward, a direct sequel to the first, but that’s not immediately obvious.  It’s a little more sci-fi, a little more out there, with more twisty paths and wild surprises.  But in some ways the quintessential Zero Escape (though NOTHING will beat 999 in my mind).  These two are included in the one Nonary Games package.

Zero Time Dilemma is the completion(?) of the trilogy which we thought for years we wouldn’t get and then we did.  Opinions are mixed on this one, and it dials up the horror and violence and Saw-esque aspects a lot, but it’s extremely memorable and unique.  Utterly terrified me the first time I played it BTW (but like I have anxiety and don’t do horror games.)

AI: The Somnian Files is an unrelated series from the same writer/director.  A sci-fi police detective mystery, in which a police detective who can use secret tech to experience people’s dreams tries to solve a serial killer case.   Very weird, very wild, but honestly even more impressive on a second play/watch because the writing is super clever.  Great voice acting and character work.  Very silly (easy) action sequences.  There’s also a direct sequel that just released in June.

Pretty much all of them have trigger warnings for dark content, death, suicide, sexism, child abuse...but USUALLY stuff is handled well for anime-genre media, with the exception of some anime-typical sexism.

#video games #zero escape #ai the somnium files #spike chunsoft

[jess-moloney-malarkey]

Answering Jess-Moloney at Tumblr dot Com’s Questions

You wanted answers to these questions. Let me preface this with: many of these things we do not know. And we may never know. These are just my explanations to the questions that you have been demanding of me. Since we don't know a lot of the actual details behind these questions, my answers are neither right nor wrong, just my reasoning on these things we don't have the full picture on. Your own answers to these questions are neither right nor wrong as well, keep in mind.

What specifically is it that Jess does for Ice Studios? You have yet to give an answer on this other than "She owns it" while also neglecting to clarify that she actually only owns half of it (don't know why you do that) but if that's going to be your answer can you explain what she does? And if you do not have an explanation why do you think it's okay that she owns half of it, takes credit for all of the work Renell does, and fraudulently tags things for production/post-production when she didn't do either of these things (and more than likely 90% of the time Ice Studios didn't either)? - What she does EXACTLY? No, we don't know. But, my thought is this: Think of an investor. They have stake in a company, they have say on executive decisions, they technically are a partner, but they don't have a part of the day-to-day because they're above that. They also still have motivation to promote it and share because they have stake in the business succeeding. I personally don't see her as stealing credit. It's partly her business, isn't it? She has the right to share things that her business creates to promote the work. She also has been called the "top boss" by clients of Ice Studios within the last year. It's clear whatever her role is, it's a one that oversees things.

Why do none of these huge brands or celebrities follow Jess? -Not really relevant honestly? But if she's not working with the brands/celebrities directly and communicating with them, because she's more of a removed partner of the company, why would they be inclined to?

Why do none of these huge brands or celebrities ever like Jess's posts? -See above + it's possible they don't see her tag because they're not mutuals. If the intern/social media manager running these brands' pages and celebrities don't know her personally through working with Ice Studios because she wasn't there to meet them, she's just another instagram user to them.

Why do none of these huge brands or celebrities ever comment on Jess's posts? -See above. Also not very relevant. Lots of brands don't comment.

Why is Jess never seen in a studio or on a set working to help produce these photos or images? -All my previous answers. That just seems to not be part of whatever her role is. But, she may have say behind the scenes and in the technical matters of booking those shoots/projects, payroll, royalties, etc.

Why doesn't Jess attend parties/award shows/fashion shows even though she's allegedly part of this industry so that's part of what her job is? -She...has...? She's attended YSL and fashion week events with Jamie, who is also involved in the fashion industry.

If you're going to cite that Jess is a celebrity or talent manager, what talent or celebrities does she currently represent, and show me proof of that. If proof is just her saying she represents certain people then I can just say that I represent whoever I want and you have to take that as proof, yeah? -I don't think she is a current talent manager actually. The website hasn't been updated for years and I think that's because she just is not currently managing people. Maybe except Renell. But again, I don't think she's doing that right now.

Why did Jess take no part in Ice Studios' sample sale? -Why did she need to? But also there are literally hundreds of reasons she didn't go, ranging from she was sick to it wasn't even her idea. Maybe Renell wanted to do it and felt she could handle it herself. Jess lives in LA, Renell lives in NY where they had the sale...so...if one boss can be there, does the other have to?

Why didn't Jess promote the Ice Studios sample sale? -Again, she could have had very little to do with it in general besides just giving the thumbs up to having it.

Why has Jess been erased as the main contact from the Ice Studios website? -First of all the website is an eyesore as it is, not a fan. It's absolutely not user friendly and an interface nightmare. But, in terms of at least the email changing from [email protected] to info, that could be a simple case of having a designated customer service/PR person hired instead of Jess having to handle incoming requests.

Why has the shop website been closed and not updated since last year? -Very well could be being redesigned, or they're going to release a new collection that is still being worked on. Lots of other possible, endless reasons it's still down. I've worked in online retail, building a new website and/or releasing new collections is a pain in the ass.

-breaking it up because there's a character limit?-

Why didn't Jess attend Complexcon despite allegedly being such a big part of it? -Who knows...who cares? She could have executed a lot of configuration and organizing of things, but sent others to actually work the event. It's literally not a big deal.

Why didn't Jess start promoting these things until extremely recently when she was called out for not promoting them? -Where, in a large enough sphere, was she called out for that? She's shared Ice Studios endeavors since at least 2021.

Why don't people like Joseph Quinn follow her on Instagram? -Why is this relevant to anything? Joseph Quinn doesn't even handle a lot of his own instagram posts, anyway. He has said that his friend often does it for him.

Why hasn't Jamie interacted with her most recent comments? -Because he didn't feel the need to, idk? It doesn't have to be that deep. Whether they’re together or not, communication over phone one-on-one still exists.

Why hasn't Jamie interacted with her most recent posts? -We don't know what his feed looks like and if those posts come up immediately, how often he even opens the app right now. Many benign reasons. Again he might not feel the need to.

Why isn't she currently traveling with Jamie to do anything? -We don't know, do you? She spent most of 2023 traveling with him, maybe she's taking a break, maybe she is working on something that she can't share yet. That would also account for the diminished posting on her account of anything but Ice Studios stuff that Renell seems to handle. Again, we don’t know.

Why hasn't she traveled with Jamie to do anything a year or so now, if not longer? -See above answer.

What does she and Grace following each other on social have anything to do with any of these questions? -Same question about your question about Joseph. Not sure why that's relevant if Grace's, also a friend and common coworker of Jamie's, mutual status with Jess isn't.

Why haven't there been any updates or photos from the two of them mutually in months when they used to do stories/updates all that time? Oh right because Jess is "private" and Jamie is "busy". -There have always been lulls in both of their social media activity of selfies and such. It's not weird or unheard of. Jamie is filming and traveling without her, so they probably haven't done anything interesting and worth posting together for a bit. It's not that deep. And I mean...yeah, Jamie has been filming and doing cons solo recently, so they’re not attending events or going on vacation together.

What happened to Jess' family? She used to post photos of/with them all the time and now she doesn't anymore her brother doesn't even follow her? -She literally lives across an ocean from them and has for years. Just about as long as she stopped posting pics of them all the time. We also don't know the dynamics of her family and their current relationships. Again though, one-on-one phone conversations are still possible. Not everything has to happen on social media.

Where are all of her friends that she used to have? -Why is this relevant also?

-breaking it up again-

When was the last time she was seen with Renell or Quil or any of these people she claims are clients/friends/business partners? -They both live in NY, while she lives in LA. She hasn't been to NY in a while. Two people have to be in the same place to be seen with each other.

Why does she recycle old posts as if they are new posts? -A lot of people and brands do this honestly. Why is this important?

Why does she only repost Renell's photos now and nothing else? -Because Renell photographs a lot of Ice Studios projects and it also her business partner.

Why does a "private person" post personal photos of her everyday life (when it suits her) and also allow dozens of fans to tag her in said personal content over and over so everyone can see she's with Jamie? -"When it suits her" answers your question. It's her instagram. She can post whatever she likes, whenever she likes. This also contradicts your prior question. If she only reposts Renell's photos currently, then she's not posting personal photos of her everyday life.

Why did Jess previously take selfies with Jamie's fans? -Because they literally asked her to. She didn’t ask to take pictures with fans. Wouldn't it be weird if an excited Jamie fan came up and asked for a photo and she said "no, I'm not famous enough"?

What business did Jess ever have interacting with his fandom to the level that she has interacted with them? -She hasn't though, really? Most of the time fans are the ones to approach her to talk and take pictures, and she obliges. She's not trying to be friends with Jamie fans online or besties with people.

Why are you okay with her taking credit for things she clearly hasn't done or been a part of? -"Clearly" is debatable. In terms of Renell's posts, again, she owns at least part of Ice Studios. It makes sense she would share things to promote the brand she owns, even if she wasn't physically there. Otherwise, I'm not sure what else she might be "taking credit for".

Why do you ignore that she's promoted a non-profit organization that has terrible reviews and was involved in a taxpayer scandal? -I haven't ignored it. That does really suck. But me, personally, I do think her heart was in the right place and she was doing something she felt was good. I don't know what to tell you other than that. Non-profits are tricky, a lot of them have shitty people at the helm doing shitty things behind the scenes. Finding a non-problematic one is like a needle in a haystack. I think it's entirely possible she wasn't aware of the scandal, failed on her due diligence, and thought she was doing good.

Why do you ignore that she was involved in a plagiarism scandal when she worked for Vivianne Westwood? -Explain how exactly she was directly involved in the plagiarism of Vivienne Westwood's memoir. The article you reference about it says she was reached out to as a spokesperson for Westwood, her name is mentioned once. We all know she worked for Vivienne Westwood. As a spokesperson, that's all it is. She speaks for the person/brand.

Why did she have so many different high-level jobs that she hopped around from for years and years until finally started her own business? -I don't even know what you mean by this? People job hop all the time at all levels.

Why do you ignore the moral and ethical implications of her intent to poach clients from Donna Management when she started her own company? -It's a dog eat dog world out there in the industry, idk. That happens all the time. Is it kinda shitty? Yeah, but hey man, it be like that. She’s not the first nor will she be the last.

What is the physical location of Ice Studios where she allegedly has an office? -I’m not sure, that’s not public. Ice Studios in NY is registered to Odis Management in Brooklyn, an accounting firm. My thought is that they rent studio space as they need maybe? Otherwise, the “office” may be Renell’s home for all we know.

Why doesn't she ever go to her office in England for her Management company? -Because I don't think she's actively utilizing her management company. The LLC filing is still active, and registered to a London address. But I don’t believe she is managing clients at this time. Except maybe Renell?

Why hasn't her management website been updated since 2019? -See above. I don't think she's acting as a manager for talent outside of Ice Studios right now.

If Jess is this important high-powered businesswoman why is her history scrubbed from the internet prior to being with Jamie? -I don't think she's an important high-powered businesswoman like you seem to really want me to think she is. I actually don't think she's even important enough to have had a big enough prior presence, honestly.

Why would she need to scrub as much of her internet history as possible before getting with Jamie? -Again, I just don't think she made enough of an impact on anything to be all over the internet. Holding jobs in the entertainment/fashion industry doesn't mean they're gonna be easily google-able.

#jamie campbell bower #jamie bower #jess moloney

[spadecentral]

Enzo Wood Post

this is a post dedicated to my persona/oc! i am always welcome to questions about them!

wonderful art done by @/indulgentandidiotic!! chibi version done terribly by me

Enzo has their own blog at @enzo-wood

Name: Enzo Wood

Nickname(s): Pufferfish (Floyd);

Age: 17

Pronouns: They/He

Birthday: Aug. 17

Height: 5'10 (177 cm-ish)

Eye Color: Periwinkle | #a8a8c2

Hair Color: Naturally blonde, dyed everything but bangs black

Family: Father (out of the picture), Mother

Homeland: Shaftlands

Dorm: Ramshackle

School Year: Second

Class: 2-C, Student No. 32

Occupation: Student, Prefect, Part-time worker at Sam's

Club: Track and Field

As a young child, Enzo had developed a habit of running to catch the bus to get to school. They almost missed the bus every day. Now, they want to refine their skills.

Best Subject: Defense Magic

Dominant Hand: Right

Favorite Food: Shrimp

Sometimes, Enzo likes to enjoy this seafood delicacy! But, they hate scallops, which have almost the same taste but not the right texture! They also dislike any kind of fish.

Least Favorite Food: Pineapples

After so many years of having the same food practically stuffed down their throat because of sales, Enzo no longer enjoys the taste of the yellow fruit.

Dislikes: Homophobes

Mostly their father had to do something with it, but in general their least favorite people to encounter are homophobes.

Hobby: Watercolor Painting

Enzo's mother loved to do arts-and-crafts, and decided to share her hobby with her child, making it theirs as well.

Talent: Blot Knowledge

This is an intuition-based talent that corresponds with part of their background. It's kind of like a metal detector that will tell Enzo when they're closer or farther from an overblot/someone who might overblot.

Appearance:

Enzo has blond bangs with the rest of their hair dyed black. They have a black triangle below their right eye from an overblot incident they had when they were younger. They have freckles on their shoulders as well. Enzo has a tongue piercing as well as a split tongue. They have multiple (other) ear piercings that they only wear outside of school.

He is seen wearing the vest, but not the blazer of a gray uniform around the school. Instead of wearing the gray-and-white ribbon that was given to them as part of their uniform, they instead keep it in their pocket.

Their magical pen is in their back pocket. It has a light-gray gem, signaling the dorm they're in.

Personality:

Enzo is a calm and collected person, who is truly only comfortable with their mother. They are a tidy person who likes to keep their (and other people's) belongings in order. Despite being late all the time when they were younger, he now prefers to be early/on time for everything! Enzo has several alarms on their phone that are ready to ring every day. When they do not respond to the alarms, their whole day is ruined.

Although sometimes coming off as standoffish, they do care for the people around them. Enzo tends to show affection in acts of service!

They prefer to be in the moment and make things perfect then, than think to far ahead. When thinking too far ahead their mind gets hazy, so they try not to think about it too much.

Background:

Enzo Wood lives with their mother, as their father left when their mother came out to him as bisexual. Living a very full life, he appreciated all of the outings their mother took them on.

But there was one outing that they never really enjoyed. When they were younger, Enzo went to NRC with their mother for Halloween. Unfortunately, they had gotten separated in the crowd of jostling people. Young and scared, Enzo forgot to find an adult and went running. He ended up very far away from the NRC campus and encountered an overblot (like the one in the mines). They had gotten hit by the monster, and the mark is sort of a scar from it.

Skills and Magic:

Exceptional Stamina: From track & field club

Cosmic Magic: Enzo prefers to have a weapon that can benefit no one rather than a weapon that has the possibility to backfire.

Defense Magic: Traumatized from a childhood incident, they try to make sure that it never reoccurs to them or to anyone else.

Unique Magic: Suit My Needs

This magic is used best in overblot battles and allows them to use their opponents overblot as their weapon.

Trivia:

Enzo almost forced Sam to let them work with him

They use their money to fix the dorm slowly

They can cook really well; but cannot bake at all

The ghosts of Ramshackle like to say that Enzo is their adopted child

The blot that had attached to Enzo had skewed the mirror's judgement, hence why they were placed in Ramshackle

If they had no blot experience he would most likely have been placed in Heartslabyul

#twst #twst oc #twisted wonderland oc #enzo wood #twisted wonderland #oc twisted wonderland

[acertainmoshke]

Character intro: Pixel Gai

WIP: To Die Among the Stars

Age: early-mid 30's, they don't really know

Pronouns: they/them

Appearance: small, slight person with odd body language. Light brown skin, very soft short but shaggy curly brown hair, and dark brown eyes that look almost black

Pixel doesn't remember their family. All they've ever known was being raised on the streets by their brother, Wire. They did stay with other people sometimes, and these people usually did some sort of tinkering with body mods, usually just on themselves though they met a few actual black market sellers. From the time they were tiny, they were drawn in by the shiny, intricate pieces used in modding, so eventually some of their temporary hosts showed them the basics: just how to create a simple mod like infrared vision or mouthless feeding, how to install it safely, what maintenance they needed.

These older modders were just trying to entertain a child, but Pixel soaked it all up. Once they understood which pieces did what, they started experimenting and coming up with new, ever more complex things of their own. Eventually they lived on the streets full-time, having run out of compassionate friends, and the two began selling mods to make ends meet. Pixel was semiverbal and had a tendency to ignore any human who wasn't Wire, but their brother was charming enough to make sales and smart enough to explain what customers needed to know while Pixel did the actual mechanical side of things. They had no mods themself, however, because of sensory issues.

The mod market is heavily regulated, and what they were doing, while not uncommon, was incredibly illegal. The regulations cover safety measures, requiring tests much like for medication, but also who has the rights to sell mods at all, and everyone knows official ones allow the government and companies to spy on you. Which is why the black market thrives. But eventually, a few years before the beginning of the book, Pixel and Wire got arrested and sent to prison.

Prison in the future is a lot like prison now, except the justice system is crumbling a bit. Sentences for breaking even minor laws are harsh, and sometimes don't even name a certain number of years, leaving it to the court's discretion when to let people out. Prison is also sensory hell--loud, hot, and crowded. At first, though, Pixel didn't mind too much. They were overcrowded that year so the two were allowed to share a cell, and they could look to Wire for expectations, comfort, and protection like they'd always done. And the old man across the hall, Dlar, was unironically kind to them.

But then Wire got in trouble and was put in solitary, and suddenly they couldn't stand the world. Dlar tried to help, but Pixel felt like they were losing their mind in an endless gray hell, shuffled about under glaring lights between unpredictable bodies. The only time they saw their brother anymore was the outside hour--and only sometimes, when the guards remembered to fetch him.

So, when different guards showed up and said they were taking volunteers from among the nonviolent offenders to go on a dangerous mission to space, Pixel immediately leapt at the idea and talked Wire into it. It would be quiet, they would be free, and nothing could separate them. Nothing else mattered.

Tag list: @blind-the-winds @hd-literature

#they are autistic coded to the point of no question but can't actually be diagnosed #and they're my favorite to write #writeblr #character introduction #moshke writes #To Die Among the Stars

[fumbliesthots]

1 more day to being 35. Hurray!

And that means I can finally apply for a BTO! At least in the Single Singaporean context!

The BTO thing is not really a milestone that I care about that much but everybody and their aunties want me to do it, so i thought, eh, why not? And apparently I could also choose to go the "sales of balance" or "resale" route so that I can get a flat sooner. But I'm not that much in a rush to move out of my parents' home, so I figured I can probably wait that 3-5 years for that BTO to be completed. There are probably people in more dire need of a place to stay than me.

And if i'm being honest, acquiring, renovating, and maintaining a property sounds like just a whole lot of meaningless chore to me. (It's a safety net. It's a safety net. It's a safety net...)

Meanwhile things at work are getting interesting or frustrating (depending on which day you'd ask me). Past few months of trying to retain my ETR in Ops ended up futile and surprisingly emotional. Because I'm not going to get a headcount from CTO any time soon, I've decided that maybe I shouldn't delay my plans to go to grad school much longer. My director has put forward the plan to recruit/transfer internally (my not-so-secret plan is to find someone with the right skills and aptitude to take over my role someday). And that will be my goal after this pod thing is set up and running.

What is this pod thing? It's a new operating model and set of processes I designed to address this department's challenges in the long term. It seems promising and everyone is excited to kick it off, even the clients.

So I guess the next big thing is for me to test the hypotheses we have about this new model, oversee how it will be implemented in the next few months, and if it manages to gain traction, I would finally have a peace of mind to leave this company where I've spend almost 7 years of my life.

I have to keep in mind that there will always be new interesting problems to be solved here. I could already anticipate what's going to come next... but maybe I don't have to be that person solving them. I have to set that boundary for myself because otherwise I will never find the discipline to let others in the team be independent enough to take over.

One could argue about whether this team sinks or swim without me shouldn't be the deterrent for me to go and pursue for other goals in life. But perhaps I've already accepted this as one of my "puzzles to be solved" before I complete this game at "boss level" and finally feel like I'm able to leave.

There are probably many other more interesting and meaningful problems out there that deserves more of my attention. I just haven't discovered them yet. I feel like going to grad school is a way to force myself to broaden my horizons and worldview. I'm reading a lot of books that I never would have picked up years ago, but I wonder if I need to put myself out there and immerse in the subject matter and the community aspect of it long and deep enough to truly care at the same level of passion I am at work currently.

I recognise that I could only be so invested in the work that I do because I have such a secured, privileged life in Singapore, surrounded by family and friends who provide me with constant support and care. And financially, because I have no partners nor kids, I am literally quite free of burden (except for the impending study and HDB loans I will probably have to take in the coming years). This is a very lucky thing that I don't want to ever take for granted.

A few times over the course of my life, I've probably articulated in a few different ways, my guiding principle in life – that is, if I ever find myself at a crossroads of what to do, ask – what net positive in the world can I create with the resources I have?

Something that I resonated a lot from a Simon Sinek interview few months ago in which he said, the true purpose in life is to serve people that serve others. THIS. I don't enjoy the attention of being the "savior" – there's more satisfaction working behind-the-scenes to make sure things are running smoothly for those who do the work to help others. And paying it forward is the only way to have a multiplying positive impact on the world. (In other words, you don't need to shower your appreciation on me, just show up and do your fucking job well. It's the best way to thank me.)

Just that right now, my impact is inside the corporate world. My 23 year-old self would laugh at me now. She'd probably never imagine the 35 year-old person she'd grow into could care so much about some corporate shit. It's a miracle I haven't got jaded yet. But hey lil' Evon, you're still using your creative abilities to create things, but just in an unexpected setting for people who you've grown to care about. Your values haven't changed!

But what I can tell you is this – we are definitely still figuring things out. Let's check back in again in 10 years' time and ask 45 year-old Evon.

#life #reflection #birthdays

[sofiadragon]

Just be honest if you want to punish Tony Stark for his faults.

I just read a Wanda Stan post that says that Tony never took any accountability for his actions, saying that he really needed to just take responsibility. Admit his wrongs, and all that. Except that was clearly not what they ment when I read the rest of the rant.

About half the points were good in the beginning, but I could never reblog such a flawed mess of the strawman fannon argument it devolved into. They repeatedly say paying money to help fix things after the fact or setting up programs to try and prevent it from happening again doesn’t count as taking responsibility. That all Tony's charity work, which predates Ironman, is meaningless because money is meaningless to someone that rich. They go on to say none of Tony's positive actions in any of his movies matter, and (while accusing the pro-Tony set of using fanfiction as arguments) claiming that Tony fully approved the sale of every weapon Obadiah sold on the black market under the table. It gives the impression that Tony personally signed off on the order to bomb Wanda's home. Ford is not responsible for what Darrell Brooks Jr. did with their potentially deadly product. Sokovia was a war zone canonically. Is the company in Egypt that made the bombs Russia bought the only responsible entity for the deaths in Ukraine? I thought not.

But that's not what got me to rant. You know how Tony fails to take responsibility for the problems he has in his relationship with Pepper Pots according to this?

Blaming his own bad decisions for their breakup.

Excuse me, but if I make a bad decision and I say afterwards "my life got messed up because of this bad decision I made" then guess what?

That is the textbook definition of taking accountability for one's actions. He said he messed up and tried his best to do what the person he hurt wanted to make up for it, and he succeeded in that effort.

What more do you want? He's not perfect and he certainly isn't a white knight on a shining horse, but at least be fair to the man. He tries to do better, and sometimes he does it wrong.

He got it wrong with Peter. Even if he knows the kid is nearly indestructible and expected to just have a conversation to settle things with Steve in Civil War, he still shouldn't bring a minor overseas to a fight. He knows it, too, and that's probably part of why he backs off and lets Happy be a man in the middle.

He gives Happy the responsibility of monitoring Peter because Tony doesn't think he is able to do it well - the last kid/superhero he tried to make was Ultron, and if he's a monster for that then let's be consistent and applaud him for being more cautious this time. If it really was all Tony (and not any influence from Bruce who also worked on Ultron or the corrupt mind stone scepter that forces people to experience negative emotions, and we'll pretend that Tony is obviously lying when he says "we didn't have an interface") that messed up Ultron as Tony clearly believes to be true by the time of Civil War, then having someone else as Peter's first contact is a good decision. Tony doesn't know that Peter is too intrinsically good to go down a dark path. I don't think he believes in that kind of goodness in people, anyone can go wrong with the right motivation in his mind which is why he scoffs at Rogers saying that everyone has evil ulterior motives except his Avengers 'safest hands,' but I digress.

It was Happy who dropped the ball by never responding to Peter, or telling his boss that this was a task he just couldn't handle and needed to be given to someone else. Yes, he is an employee, but Happy doesn't have the same relationship to his boss as the average fry cook has to the Burger King CEO. Stark might insist that Happy give it another try, but he isn't going to fire him. In the meantime, Happy could have texted back once or twice - even just to tell the kid that the constant alerts weren't alright on what was supposed to be an emergency line and he should keep the status updates to once or twice a day.

So many of these stan rants make it sound like only one person can be in the wrong when a mistake is made. This is childish. That Tony was wrong doesn't mean others were not also wrong. That Wanda was wrong doesn't mean she wasn't lied to. Shared responsibility doesn't mean you pick a scapegoat that get 100% of the blame, nor that someone else taking part of the blame fully absolves everyone else.

Natasha feels guilty she didn't notice that she was going on missions that helped HYDRA goals after CA: Winter Soldier because she feels she should have been able to tell the difference. It is not entirely her fault, but she isn’t blameless and wants a new, clean, chain of command to replace SHIELD because she recognizes that she could be misled into doing the wrong things if she is only relying on her own BS detector and information gathering skills.

Yes, please do also apply this to Wanda Maximoff joining Hydra. She didn't know at first, but she certainly knew by the time we met her.

Yes, a boss is responsible for an employee screw up when they give bad direction, but so is the employee when they ignore their responsibilities. So Happy does share that blame. The oof is a big oof, and there is plenty to go around.

One final note:

This is not taking accountability, this is punishment:

If the only thing that would satisfy you that Tony Stark has real remorse for his actions is him groveling on his knees, you don't want accountability you want punishment. Be honest about what you want.

#tony stark #wanda maximoff #black widow #mcu rant #accountability

[randomvarious]

Today’s compilation:

Super Bad Is Back: Soul Love 1991 Soul / R&B

Yesterday, I posted about an amazing funk, soul, and R&B release that was put out in 1973 by the prolific Canadian budget compilation label K-tel called Super Bad Is Back. K-tel was a multifaceted company that became a fixture of middle-America in the 70s and was synonymous with cheapness and disposability because of the many albums it released that were pretty much just reproductions of big chart hits. There was no originality to their albums, no serious work done by its compilers to feature slept-on gems; just pure record shop discount bin stuff. But that Super Bad Is Back album was a *stellar* exception to their own rule.

And this release, Super Bad Is Back: Soul Love, which came out 18 years later, isn't. This is just a short set of ten straight-up 70s soul classics that are *mostly* fit for making some love to (more on that later). A bunch of special songs on an unremarkable cheat-code comp; K-tel's wheelhouse, as it were.

So, on here you'll find signature songs from a number of acts whose work defined the surface of 70s soul and R&B: Al Green's "Let's Stay Together," Al Wilson's "Show and Tell," The Chi-Lites' "Oh Girl," Luther Ingram's "If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don't Want to Be Right," and Barry White's sex-blaxploitational "I'm Gonna Love You Just a Little Bit More Baby." All huge 70s hits. In fact, the most obscure song on this CD is Tower of Power's great "So Very Hard to Go," which was their most commercially successful single, but only hit #17 on Billboard's Hot 100 and #11 on its R&B chart. A good showing for any song, sure, but based on how this one sounds, it definitely deserved more spins and sales.

And now, here's the part where I ruin part of your day by talking about Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On." I'll never fault anyone for thinking that this is a fantastic song, because, sonically, it definitely is. But keep in mind what the impetus behind this tune originally was: Marvin Gaye made it with his then-17 year-old crush, Janis Hunter, in mind. She would go on to marry him for a brief period of time afterwards, and they'd have two kids together, but she was only about half of Gaye's age when they first met. Not accusing Gaye of any legal wrongdoing in this regard and I'm not going to painstakingly research 1970s age of consent laws to figure it out, but listening to those lyrics, and knowing who it was that served as his inspiration for writing them, is definitely unsettling, to say the least. Really not trying to apply today's standards to a song from 50 years ago either—the social mores and what was deemed acceptable back then were obviously very different! How many hit songs have there been of grown-ass men singing about underage girls?!—but I also can't say that I really derive much enjoyment from this one anymore, knowing what I've known about it for some time now. Hard to not think about what he was thinking about when he made it, y'know?

This is all out in the open too, by the way. One need look no further than the liner notes for the 2001 deluxe CD edition of Let's Get It On. I promise you I'm not misinterpreting anything here, and I'm not even getting into the turbulence that Marvin and Janis' marriage suffered through, which was allegedly rife with domestic abuse (he wasn’t a great guy!). I'm just honing in on who and what drove Marvin Gaye to record "Let's Get It On" in the first place, a song that successfully transformed him from a righteous, politically conscious musician into an international sex symbol as well.

Hopefully I didn't ruin any special memories you may have that are associated with this song, but, maybe, let's leave this one off the sex playlists going forward, hmm? 🤷‍♂️

And I'm still including it in the list of highlights below, because, despite not really wanting to listen to it again, it is, undoubtedly, a very well-made song.

So, normally when I find an album like this that's comprised of some of your most basic, essential hits, I call it "Baby's first 'x' compilation." But given that this CD is filled with a bunch of sexual soul songs, I can't call it that. So, we'll call this "Consenting adult's first sex-soul compilation" instead, okay?😅. A wholly unremarkable CD if you're already familiar with these songs, but I guess it's also a sweet release for when you need some of...well...exactly that...except for, of course, that one big Marvin Gaye hit....😬

Highlights:

Al Green - "Let's Stay Together" Marvin Gaye - "Let's Get It On" Dorothy Moore - "Misty Blue" Barry White - "I'm Gonna Love You Just a Little Bit More Baby" Al Wilson - "Show and Tell" Tower of Power - "So Very Hard to Go" The Chi-Lites - "Oh Girl" Luther Ingram - “If Loving You Is Wrong, I Don’t Want to Be Right”

#soul #soul music #r&b #r & b #rhythm & blues #rhythm and blues #music #70s #70s music #70's #70's music

[not-poignant]

i seriously cant get enough of your writing. every update is like a gift from the gods. part of me wants to wait until underline the black is finished so i can binge read it and not go out of my mind waiting for each chapter. but i have a weak will and cant ever resist when it comes to your stories xD

are there any writers you feel that way about? or simply love their work so much you cant get enough? either on ao3 or not

Hi anon!

Over the years there have been writers I feel that way about! Though it's muted over time (often because most of my favourite AO3 writers / non AO3 writers I've ever had has stopped writing over time). The latest author I've really loved over the past few years on AO3 is dgalerab, but he stopped writing the way he used to a while back, and now I just you know, wait and hope and we'll see what happens (though a new fic did go up recently!). So right now I have no authors I'm really like...intense about, because...authors sometimes just stop writing for years, or they can drastically change the way they write due to just time and interest and so on.

So I would say right now there's no authors I really feel the way about. There's a lot of authors I love and support, who I have subscribed to on AO3, or who I look for new updates from on social media, but even some of my favourite m/m authors stopped writing m/m and started writing m/f instead (which I can't read), so...yeah I'm sort of in flux on that right now. Which is a shame, because it's a really nice feeling to sort of drop everything for an author, and immediately read what they've put out!

I know I'll find more authors like this, and then probably years later, something will change. Most authors do eventually stop writing, or change their work so much that like, it's always a fleeting feeling. There have been years where I've felt like that for 20 authors at the same time and it's been awesome, and then like this year where I don't really have it at all, and have watched a whole bunch of my favourite published authors (particularly in m/m) depart and go on to do other things due to the lack of success they found in m/m.

I've been reading a lot of manwha lately (South Korean long-form webcomics) and there's a few that I do drop everything for when a new chapter/episode comes out, like Dangerous Convenience Store, B-Class Guide, Love So Pure, XXX Buddy, Semantic Error (the manwha, not the novel/s), Mr 100% Perfect, Define the Relationship, Full Volume, and Love for Sale. But I'm not specifically following the authors, and in some cases, these are the first works by these authors so I don't know what they might do next etc. But yeah, I check daily for new chapters, and I usually immediately read them when they come out. It's different to what you asked being more story-focused than writer-focused, but it's still a really awesome feeling, and I reread these stories all the time up until what's out in English. :D

So I suppose I do have a similar feeling to how I used to, just...kinda different to being hooked on specific authors? It could always change though! The fact is I'm subscribed to like 300 authors on AO3 (where I'd read almost anything they write) and only about 3-4 of those authors update stories nowadays, to give you an idea of how many authors do just stop writing. All your faves will almost always eventually just...stop. (I would like to say I won't be like that, but I'm also a weird exception where I'm doing original writing on AO3 as a job, and most authors on AO3 aren't doing this). And when that happens 280~ times (I'm sure there's another 20~ authors that will update in a few months or a year), you just kind of have to wait until another one pops up klsdajfas

#asks and answers #inadvertent recs #personal #honestly over the pandemic #i've been way more interested in *writing* the stories i need as a form of comfort #than looking for them? #so i've become very insular too #even this year i have some novels waiting from my favourite m/m authors #but they're no long really my faves anymore #and i'm reading a lot more manwha instead #i think because....it's hitting the tropes i love more often #and because published m/m - the landscape is changing #idk every single one of my fave m/m authors has gone off to write like #gen or het or menage etc. as is their right because it's a very difficult publishing world out there #but it does mean i can no longer reliably enjoy everything they write #and i no longer drop everything to read what they publish #i would've said Roan Parrish years ago but nope #same with Sidney Bell #their early stuff i dropped everything for #their later stuff is more 'mmmMMMMM maybe' #administrator Gwyn wants this in the queue