#(however he was still a student at the time of creating his monster so he had the resources and clearance for the experimentation)

[alicerosejensen]

OK. I did it anyway! Finished the translation and tried as best he could. Part 3

I have a lot of debt, but I did it!

Good ending attached. If you like the bad ending of this story then please stop at 2 parts.

There's also a bit of angst here, a mention of smut.

I listened to a bunch of songs while writing this. In fact, there was a gigantic temptation to make Leon's girlfriend run away again, but I decided to fix the broken hearts of readers.

English is not my native language (I will write this as often as possible so that I don't get tomato thrown at me for mistakes). But I tried.

The text is quite large. I do not know if anyone has the strength to master it.

All efforts crumbled like a house of cards. All hopes that your relationship could still be saved were destroyed from the very day when you finally left, taking one suitcase with you.

For Leon, it was still an idiotic comedy that dragged on for a long time. He kept calling, texting, trying to talk to you about this misunderstanding. But you just cut him out of your life right away, without even giving him an attempt to explain everything.

But the comedy turned into a nightmare. Because Leon realized that you really left. A rather dirty game: to become the one who gave him peace and true love, and then in one second set fire to a small flowering island in his soul, leaving ashes behind.

Leon let you get too close to him. So close that he began to consider you his own. At some point, it even seemed to him that no one could love the way he loved you. But now you have turned the blue sky into black, discarding it as an unnecessary thing. Sometimes, stretching out his hand, lying on the bed, Leon woke up, thinking that since you are not around, then you are in the kitchen. You probably eat breakfast while looking at your phone.

But then he remembered.

You've gone. With tears, creating from his image a monster that hurt you throughout the relationship. You have done worse than Ada. It was a hundred times more painful. Leon knows it's crazy, but for just one night with you, he would give his life.

The only woman who has always been on his side. He wanted to feel the soft cotton of your gray T-shirt, but only your hands could be more gentle.

You have always been so pure that the world could be silenced by such innocence and angelic beauty. All the stars could go out if only something happened to you. You are a rare angel, in whose arms nothing hurts, who descended to him, to the last sinner, constantly fighting in an endless hell. Maybe someone decided that he received too much grace?

Leon would agree with that. But he's not ready to accept it. You said that you love him, despite the fact that he supposedly has feelings for Ada, and if he can convince you otherwise, then perhaps his beloved will return to him

But you didn't want to be in that cage. The whole situation with Leon, in your opinion, resembled the plot of Dolly Parton's song "Jolene", where Jolene is Ada Wong, whom you could beg not to take your lover. After all, as Jolene, Ada was the embodiment of an unearthly ideal. With a voice as soft as summer rain and with a smile like the breath of spring… Ha, you grinned remembering the words of the song.

What could you, a simple student, compare to this Ada-Jolene? Leon kept her compact in his bedside table and you still feel the reproach of envy that you will never become such a woman. You still cry when you think how many times he imagined an elusive mercenary in your place. But your happiness does not depend on Ada. You were able to find the strength to open the birdcage and run out to freedom, breathing in fresh air.

Leon used you. Crushed your heart into a piece of paper and threw it into the fire like the last scoundrel. But here you took out a burnt ember, intending to take care of it and already now you see that the first sprouts of trust in other men break into the light. However, love is not knocking at your door yet.

Because there is one huge problem: no matter how much pain Leon caused you, you want to leave him in your memories. Salty rivers of tears flow down your eyes almost every night, forcing you to curl up in the fetal position with your hands pressed to your chest when you read his messages. These are such ruthless blows that literally destroyed your soul. He's already traumatized you enough, so why doesn't he stop it already?!

The whole body and soul are screaming: help me! And the mind doesn't want to forget his fucking name and touch. You can't go back to Leon Scott Kennedy because he will bring nothing but evil. Say to yourself and remember forever: goodbye, my love for this man, because my heart can no longer bear this sick love.

You met in the spring and broke up in the spring. How much joy and sadness this time of year has brought you!

How much pain there is in the world, and all because of fucking love.

But for Leon it was completely different.

It was the middle of the day, when the sun was still high in the sky, promising to illuminate the streets with its light for at least another three or four hours. Late autumn time, Leon didn't want to get out of his mostly, alcohol-smelling apartment, but he had to write a report and hand it over to Hannigan, despite the overdue deadlines. To gather his thoughts a little for an answer, Leon went into a nice cafe, hiding from the strong wind, hoping that in addition to all kinds of desserts, he could order coffee to take away.

Ordinary strong coffee without sugar and hopes that it will not taste like bile.

The arrival of a new visitor was announced by a ringing bell, to the ringing of which the waiter immediately raised his head from his business. Leon was not going to linger, he walked past the tables with a few visitors until the familiar smell of women's perfume hit his nose.

And stopped.

He forgot about everything: Hannigan, the report, his job. About everything that brought him pain from your departure, because right now you were sitting with your back to him in a warm beige dress, holding a glass with some kind of drink with one hand and writing something in your notebook with the other pen, completely ignoring anyone.

All Leon wanted at this very second was to grab you in his arms and never let you go again.

How did this even happen? Why did you, loving him dearly, renounce him in an instant?

And yet your mere presence lifts him from the thorn-strewn earth. Only a meter separated you from each other, but Leon is already burning to the ground. It didn't matter if you were an angel or a demon, you were his love. His restless bird that flew away from him because it could. Because you believed he could still love another woman.

You look like two fools, each of whom believes in his own truth.

You were so serene, calm and nondescript to others. Strawberry ice cream almost melted from lack of your attention or you just didn't find it tasty enough to finish. Leon completely forgot why he came to this cafe. Illuminated by the evening sunlight, you looked like a work of art that you were so fond of.

A slight smile, careless strokes of a strange drawing in a notebook…you looked tired and a little thinner, but for him you remained the most beautiful. Aesthetic - Leon remembers that you like this word.

Did he have the right to disturb you? Like a mirage, Leon didn't want to scare away the one he loved because he knew if he touched you now, you would disappear again. Messages, calls - there were many of them and not one received a response.

If his love really brought you so much suffering, do you need it? Is he really that selfish? But now you tensed up, feeling someone else's gaze on your back, and as if small droplets of crystals began to beat anxiously against each other like wind music warning about who you are desperately trying to get out of your head.

But there was no soulful cry of "run."

You knew he was there. Behind. The heart did not stop with horror - it trembled with excitement. God, don't turn around! So much was lost because of Leon: dreams, hopes, trust, heart…

The palette of the endless emptiness of weekdays turned into slightly brighter colors.

Leon touched your shoulder and you shuddered lifting your head up. It was impossible to ignore this meeting and there was nowhere else to run. His touch was so welcome. The body responded to him by itself, trying to cling closer to feel the forgotten warmth. It was so good.

Suddenly you felt like a drug addict who received a long-awaited dose of the drug.

The purest buzz.

You still didn't say anything, just stared into those diamond eyes, completely losing yourself. By looking at it, you can experience all kinds of death. You wanted to finally surrender to him, submit and accept the inevitable, and then fall asleep in a tight embrace - all for the sake of the illusory hope of not being number 2.

What idiot said that time heals? There wasn't a night or a day when you didn't think about him.

You want to tell everyone to go to hell, and yourself first, because you're the last fool. A proud fool who can't live without him. Damn pride. Leon took a step forward, swallowing loudly, grabbing your shoulder with his other hand, but it didn't hurt. He looked at you as if he was afraid that you would melt into thin air.

You love each other very much, and each of you thinks that one of you does not love the other.

In an instant, everything collapsed in November. Leon knelt down, still squeezing your shoulders. Curse this month. He pressed you to him and you buried your face in his shoulder, inhaling the smell of a leather jacket and barely perceptible cologne. The stubble scratched the skin unpleasantly, but now these sensations were so pleasant.

If Leon doesn't disappear right now, it's going to be the worst month on the calendar. An unhappy month that will leave another stab wound. Your first true love and not a stupid infatuation…Whatever Carey says, it's impossible to forget Leon. There is no longer the strength to drown in it, grasping at a thin thread of feeling.

"Let's talk" - you're definitely a drug addict. His voice was like heroin causing euphoria. Rough and stringy at the same time. The infernal rejection started from him again.

The waiter's voice sounded like a soft soprano, and Leon reluctantly pulled away from you, but did not let go, as if he was afraid that you would jump up from your seat and run away, grabbing your coat. The lungs let out a heavy sigh, but you didn't want to talk to him. It was as if you were afraid that he would have words that would make you return to this anarchy of abnormal relationships. When he loves one woman and sleeps with a completely different one.

"I don't want to, go away," - you whispered, pushing him away with your palm. It was a terrible gesture. But you endured for a long time, accepting his lies, running after him like an obedient dog.

Love is not when it hurts you. And he mocks you and jokes, building those puppy dog eyes. He pretends that this separation is also hard for him. As if he wasn't a soulless being who took advantage of the trust of a girl in love with him.

But the idiotic heart keeps shouting to him, "Love me for a long, long time!" and Leon seems to hear him.

Leon grins, feeling butterflies flutter in his stomach. How many bridges can you burn?

But he strokes your head, runs his fingers through your hair.

"We'll just talk. Please stop ignoring me!"

"Stop foaming at the mouth to prove to me that the mysterious spy in red does not live in your head."

Keep your finger on the pulse and run. After paying for lunch, you grabbed your coat and walked briskly to the exit. And only when Leon caught up with you on the street, trying to stop you by grabbing your wrist, you turned into a scorpion who tried to escape using all his poison.

It's the same thing again.

"You're the worst thing that's ever happened in my life!"- that's what you finally shouted out to him along with all the other shit, but it was this phrase that killed him completely. The gaze seemed to read information from your face, as if checking it for truthfulness. The fucking detector gave out the truth.

"Someone like you never knew what love was. You know what's funny? To Ada Wong, you're just a puppet. A toy that she can play with whenever she wants, and then put it on the shelf and forget." - You poured out your burning poison, turning words into caustic acid to kill him once and for all, despite your tear-stained face. - "That's enough! I will never forgive you! Run after your elusive spy and leave me alone. I deserve to be happy. I'm already broken inside by your fucking love!"

It wasn't fair. You just tore him apart with those words. He's never even half loved you, he's never compared you to anyone! But nothing will bring you back to him. You will no longer illuminate his pitch darkness with your light. Leon really felt like a bastard who trampled on someone who loved him.

He stood there, looking after you, listening to your hysterical sobs, while you ran away again to lick the wounds inflicted. It seemed like you were about to fall to the ground and die from all this pain. All those months that you have not seen him, in no way helped you to stop loving this man. Because things have only gotten worse.

You wanted to lie down and die. Everything you were rebuilding exploded again, turning you into ruins. Ada Wong would never have allowed herself to do that. But the pain you felt became physical. Your head is spinning, the world has become so crazy and alien, sickeningly disgusting, because all the protective mechanisms of orgasm just fail you after all the continuous work. You just screamed from all the injustice that happened to you, and the name of this injustice was Leon S.Kennedy. The fucking bastard who caused you to fall into the mud, acting like an escaped lunatic.

"I hate you," - Leon heard it. The most terrible thing is that he realized that he was destroying you. Your body was experiencing physical pain - spasms, and you already needed professional help. And yet he cradled you like a baby in his arms until you fainted.

One thing you didn't have time to say: despite the fact that you were burning alive, your stupid little heart continues to seek salvation in Leon. It hurts her, but she calls him for help, begging for caring kisses and warm hugs.

What does it feel like to be a girl with a sensitive heart and a brave soul? The moment you discovered that he still loves Ada made you split into many pieces. Lying in a hospital bed, taking medications whose names you don't remember, you heard your mother's muffled crying and fell asleep under it, pulling the blanket over your shoulders, as if under a white noise. Your father stroked your head as if you were a child, slightly dulling the pain that was pounding in your chest.

"You will be sad and forget" - that's what your mother told you when she found out that the cause of the disease was a man. "You won't even remember that you once loved him there."

But you didn't want to forget him. You're so tired of falling asleep thinking about him… because even when you close your eyes like a phantom, you continue to see him. How can you live with this poison in your soul? Leon poisoned you and didn't even send you flowers, considering that he got you into the hospital because of him. And yet part of you was waiting for him to come.

Leon didn't come.

Nervous breakdown on the background of constant stress. Friends also came to find out about your well-being, but only Carey stayed for a long time, trying to pull you out of oblivion, which the brain could not cope with.

She didn't say a word about Leon, fearing that any mention of him would provoke a violent reaction again. Everyone kept saying that everything would be fine and you'd be coming home soon. Did you really feel a little better, but did you feel depressed just thinking about what would happen next? Your beloved friend disappeared as you wanted.

It is in vain to grieve about a failed relationship that was still beautiful, despite the subsequent horror.

"It was wonderful. Goodbye, Leon," you said to yourself when you found a little strength to admit that he is not a monster at all. Time is fleeting, and nothing lasts forever, and you are also unlucky to find happiness in this man.

Drive all thoughts of him away and remember that you are no longer the two of you. Find the strength to learn to live without him and suppressed the passionate feeling of rushing to him under the door banging on it with his fists.

Burn this brand on yourself.

In fact, even in the void can be cozy. When the day of discharge came, your father insisted that you come home again and recover a little from the experience. But you knew that if you came home, you would never erase Leon from your memory. If there was a record with his name on it, you would have listened to it until I broke it.

It's like you've been living in a dark paradise now. There are no medications for memory, but the ones that you started taking clearly muffle all feelings, allowing you to focus on studying. It was quiet and cold in this dark paradise because Leon wasn't there, but you still remembered how your pain-filled body fell to the floor. And yet there was one significant plus that allowed you to live - it was peaceful in this paradise.

And yet, as if you were a lost thing on the shelf, it did not leave you.

November is a really disgusting month. The whole world seemed to be turned upside down. There was the usual calmness with the absence of something important.

But then stability came.

You and Leon don't talk anymore. Apparently, what was said greatly influenced him, but the flowers in your soul still do not bloom. His love for you is still breathing and part of him knows that you love him, but he will prefer to give you a chance to forget him and all the memories associated with him, given how he hurt your soul.

He would like to stay in your life, but not after what he did.

Therefore, he was content with what was left to him. Polaroids from your vacation with him and memories…and some things that you forgot at his place. Meaningless little things, but he kept them. Everyone focused on their lives. You were riding with friends on a bike, exposing your face to the wind, hugging a friend. Leon is back from his work. And everyone missed the other.

But there is no desire to fall into this abyss anymore. Then it was time for healing, it seemed that the impossible was happening, but fate desperately liked to bring your roads together.

Your face is a real masterpiece against the background of daubs. Among the hundreds, Leon noticed you with your bestia when you were choosing some kind of gift, he looked at you from afar.

The cradle of his suffering… Leon feels like he is filled with love for you again, watching you laugh merrily after recovering from all the wounds that he inflicted on you. So cheerful… he had no right to be with you. With the people he values, something happens all the time, but this time he himself is the one who repeatedly stabbed in the back.

You never blamed Ada for your failure, only him, and it was deserved, because until the moment of your loss, Leon still found these meetings… more personal and intimate even if sex between them has not been for a long time. Just something else attracted him, but he would never let ordinary attraction destroy what he really loves.

However, that's exactly what he did. A stupid compact left somewhere in the corner of the bedside table, which he still had from China… you made the wrong conclusions by backing them up with that inappropriate message on his phone and it was still enough to leave him forever. But now you were laughing and it warmed Leon, how he wants to hear this sound again at home, along with numerous words of tenderness.

It was not worth looking at you for so long because some force pulling each other forced you to find this gaze from which you can die and rise again. Everything beautiful has remained very far away. None of you will say a simple "hello" to the other, and yet why are you silent like fools?

Thanks to the pills, all the senses were dulled a little, allowing a stupid thought to slip into your head - to talk to him.

The doctor prescribed you treatment: medications, rest and moderate physical activity, and somewhere between the lines he wrote in invisible ink "no Leon Kennedy." And you're drowning in this swamp again, violating all the doctor's orders. It doesn't hurt yet, but it's already scary to exhale if you stumble, fall into the water and have to start over.

These silent glances with each other… everyone is afraid to take an extra step, because everything can collapse. Leon doesn't want to be the cause of your tears, he's already brought enough shit to a dear person. Everything beautiful has remained very far away. None of you will say a simple "hello" to the other, and yet why are you silent like fools?

Thanks to the pills, all my senses were dulled a little, allowing a stupid thought to slip into my head - to talk to him. You said a lot to him that day, a lot of things he didn't really deserve, trapping him.

But only now are you wondering: did you notice any moments correctly or did you come up with a reason for leaving? After all, sometimes you could catch the scent of someone else's perfume on his clothes and still believe that there is only him and you. Maybe Ada marked it on purpose so that you could figure out who it really belongs to? What if it was her subtle sign for you?

"Stay away from my territory"

But there was another truth. Your bestie got distracted looking at some jewelry in the window when you watched Leon leave. Have you ever wondered who is a masochist God or is it you? It looks like it was you, because no god forced you to follow him. And Leon felt this persecution, which made him turn around when he saw your indecisive face.

You yourself took a step towards him, and the heart itself began to revive after a long hibernation. The truth is, you had no idea what to say.

It was you who wiped away his tears when he was in too much pain.

It was you who banished all his fears when he woke up in the middle of the night.

You were holding his hand. Not Ada.

"I'm sorry…" You nodded for some reason. - "I'm not… princess… this is a chance meeting. I didn't want to bother you, so you wouldn't think about me.

"I know." - Leon barely heard what you said to him, looking away from his eyes. "I'm sorry for what I said to you then.

"What?" - his reaction made your lips smile with a kind smile that he could not forget. Leon seemed really discouraged, but you just turned around to look at Carey to make sure she wouldn't go crazy when she saw who you were talking to. Definitely, it's all because of the pills.

"I said you were the worst thing that happened in my life, but that's not true. In fact, I only told you a lot because I wanted you to be as hurt as I was. However, I shouldn't have done that. You're a good man. I behaved terribly, like a naughty child."

Leon couldn't understand what had just happened to him. His pupils seemed to widen at the impossible words and your ridiculous apologies. After all, if anyone should be apologizing, it's him, because he drove you to a nervous breakdown. He shook his head, just in case checking to see if you were a figment of his imagination, but you were still standing there. Right in front of him. Was what was happening a prank?

Maybe it's karma?

"You don't have to apologize" - all Leon could squeeze out of himself and you just shrugged your shoulder for a long time without answering anything.

"I apologize for saying too much. It's my fault that I ended up in the hospital, not yours. But I'm not apologizing for that…" Ada's name stuck in throat.

"For leaving?" - Leon grinned when you silently agreed with him. - "At least you had the right to. I don't want to hurt you anymore. You've had enough of me already. "

He wanted to touch you. Just to touch your cheek or hand one last time. He didn't want to let you go, but he knew he couldn't keep around if you didn't want to. Leon snorts, trying to shake off this desire. What kind of kisses can we talk about if you don't love him? All hopes for at least some stability in his life burst like a balloon, and Leon himself held the needle in his hands.

"Thank you for your wonderful attitude!" - You shoot him again, saying these words, and Leon recoils from the one he was so eager to see. - "Even if we didn't succeed, I'm still grateful to you. The last few months have been difficult, but it's my own fault. You didn't promise me anything… I've had time to think. With this Ada, everything is much more complicated and longer for you than with me, and I probably didn't want to admit it to myself. I put on pink glasses and didn't want to see anything but pink shades. You didn't need my heart, and you told me about it at the very beginning, but that's how young she is…" - You laughed nervously, feeling that the effect of the pills seems to be starting to evaporate. - Someone has watched too many movies about love. Forgive me for these tantrums if you can."

Carey screamed loudly and you both turned around at her exclamation when she pulled you by the hand trying to take you away from this man. It even amused you a little, but something still pleased your poor soul more - you were able to admit to yourself that your fault was present in this breakup. Not just Leon.

Leon didn't have time to say a word, but it was in vain for him to be sad. You have forgiven him and yourself. It was the most important event that finally brought a bit of long-awaited relief.

There was only one thing you didn't want to understand, either the brain was using a dirty autosuggestion technique, or it was the pills that dorktor prescribed for you. but the point is this:

Kennedy needed your heart. He needed your love, because everything he had, he had already given to you.

He should have apologized, not you. He wanted to come to the hospital to pick you up, but changed his mind at the last moment, fearing that his presence would complicate the situation. And yet Leon followed you to the exit when Carey shouted at him not to dare approach.

It seems that this is the reason for your separation . The one who hammered into you the idiotic idea that you were his "meat for fucking".

But you are no longer running away from him, however, is it really necessary to break into an already destroyed world again, where he destroyed everything. Leon no longer leaves messages, does not call and does not look for a meeting, and you also began to live quietly feeling only constant fatigue and unwillingness to do anything. And it didn't work out with the guys, there were friends, but it didn't go beyond fun gatherings, even if they tried to flirt.

Looks like your heart still belongs to Leon. For him, it's probably a souvenir, and you have a hole in your chest.

Do you remember that bar where we met for the first time? Now, sitting at the same table, you're looking at the place where Leon was with some damn expensive bottle of whiskey. Without thinking about anything. You straightened your legs and just indulged in sweet memories that no longer caused any harm. It's a little sad, but you're still too young to be disappointed in yourself.

Previously, there was some kind of vigorous cocktail of disappointment, hatred, sadness and contempt inside, but now there is absolutely nothing. It's like you finally got a sobering slap in the face, returning to your former state and admitting that suffering is shit.

Was there any point in talking to Leon? He's probably already broken up with his feeble-minded girlfriend and now he's either found another one or is chasing Ada-their favorite cat-and-mouse game. Of course, he really has some part of your cosmetics left in his apartment, a favorite mug, maybe something else… oh! a notebook. What a stupid thing, because there was nothing important in this notebook except funny drawings and a list of products. Well, maybe something else in small things. Leon probably threw everything away a long time ago.

Although you would like to return the mug.

The mug that he gave you with an idiotic inscription.

You unlocked your phone and saw some excited messages from your father. After quickly answering them, you clicked on Leon's number. Just one click separated you. You could have texted or called, but you spat and just put the phone back in your pocket. It would be necessary to delete his number.

And he still has your damn expensive perfume. It is not like the one used by Ada Wong - her fragrance is dominated by fresh citrus notes combined with something cold. A grenade? You liked calmer floral scents. Lilac and gooseberry have a good aroma.

And you would have torn it off with your own hands. Because the bottle cost a lot of money, and was in a limited collection. For some reason, now you remember him and it became so insulting that you lost such an expensive thing (even if Kennedy bought it for you again). But it's still a damn stupid reason to look for a meeting with him!

In general, you should have been kicked out of his head too. Leon kept your things close on purpose but didn't touch them. One part of him hoped that you would remember them and come to pick them up, and the other party was afraid that then he would have nothing left. The last memories will be gone. He loved flipping through your notebook, finding funny the drawings you made while you were sitting at boring lectures.

He doesn't care, he knows that you liked this perfume, and he also knows that you can't afford such a luxury right now. It's a shitty act to look for a meeting with you again when all the dots are already set.

Even though he wants to see you, can he really let you go later?

However… he wants to write to you. Fingers are already typing a message when an alert with your number and a short phrase appears in front of the screen: Can I pick up some things?

Holy shit! YES!

Leon answered immediately. The usual "yes" despite the fact that everything inside was screaming. A couple of minutes later, another message came asking when you could do it and he wanted to answer in a sarcastic manner, what exactly is for you at any convenient time.

But the line came out the usual "when you want, then take it." Maybe it was a little rude.

Nothing else followed. Leon had no idea when to expect you. Apartment was in terrible condition. In addition, there was your wilted cactus on the computer table. Cactus. Wilted. Maybe because his hostess collected all the belongings and left forgetting him?

Leon didn't know how to take care of him at all. Just poured half-drunk water into a small flower pot, and that's it. The flower that grew on it has long disappeared, and the cactus itself has turned yellow. He turned the pot over in his hand, looking at it from all sides, wondering if it could be fixed somehow in a short time, but decided that if it really upset you, he would buy exactly the same one.

At least to make it up to you a little.

After about an hour of thinking, there was a quiet knock on the door. Leon, casting a cursory glance once again at the unfortunate cactus, let you into the apartment pretty quickly, but you stood there for a few more seconds as if you were afraid to enter the lion's den, which would certainly bite off your head if he crossed the threshold of the apartment.

"Hey," - Your hand waved nervously in the air as a greeting when you were here again, afraid of being captured by your own memories.

Leon only apologized for the mess (although he managed to clean up some things while you were just standing outside the door for about 30 minutes, gaining strength to knock) and offered you tea, knowing how much you love him. A great opportunity to find out what happened to your favorite mug, but you refused first of all by casting a glance at the withered plant.

"I watered him from time to time." He hesitated, scratching his head with his hand. - "Maybe he needed fertilizer, but I didn't know anything about it, especially since it's a cactus!.. Okay sweetheart, just let me buy you a new one or something.

Your laughter slightly diluted the gloomy atmosphere, and Leon clearly felt better.

"It's all right." - A small pot appeared in your hands with the intention of taking it and then throwing it away. - "To be honest, this guy has been sick for a long time. Eventually, he still fell to the death of the brave."

You smiled wearily, making some kind of hero out of a cactus, and your ex-boyfriend also picked up the cheerful mood, lowering his head as he leaned back against the bar, watching his angel take the last thing he had left from this relationship.

Leon compares this to the fact that you gave him the strongest and most beautiful wings when you agreed to be with him. Something truly pure and bright, which allowed him to fight with bioweapons, only for the sake of you and your kind. And now with relentless cruelty you are tearing these wings along with the spine. As the most severe punishment for a mistake.

You silently gather your things, trying not to let your hands shake as Leon watches your actions, fighting the urge to try to stop you again.

Inside, it feels like a guitar string is breaking or sad chords are playing in the soul. One sentence: All gone. You will be left behind, like another experienced chapter of his life, but the fact that the pages of this chapter were full of sincere joy only makes it worse.

Leon's eyes are on the lookout for anything that might help you change your mind. Turn the pages of the book of life a little back and rewrite the plot, correcting this misunderstanding. Although luck is not on his side again.

How to regain lost trust?

It was hardly possible. He could show you those messages from Ada, try to prove that the powder box has been in the trash for a long time, but would you believe him?

He called you by your name as you put the rest of your cosmetics in your bag, thinking that Leon didn't have anything particularly important from your things left. Of course, you turned around meeting with those eyes in which if you look for a long time you can drown, but now only Leon was choking of the two.

"You said then that I didn't promise you anything. it was true, I didn't really make any promises. No vows that I want a family, children and everything else that normal people have, since my work does not imply their presence." - Leon moved to a safe distance so you wouldn't feel uncomfortable. Unlike you, even when under stress, he was well oriented and adjusted to the situation, because your eyes were already watering. - "I don’t understand at all what you saw in me that you fell in love with so much, but it was not non-reciprocal. Maybe I didn't say much, but I meant it. These gifts, trips, dinners in restaurants..."

"In your words, I became like a gold digger who managed to find a rich fool." - You interrupted him with a loud squelching nose.

"What?... oh no! Fuck... I didn't mean it. I just know I screwed up. I have a whole carload of problems that I didn't want and don't want to involve you in. Ada - is in this carload . You are right, a lot connects me with her and the story is very long, but believe me, this is not at all what I really want. When I was 21, it was damn interesting. I was attracted to her for many years until that outbreak in Lanshiang. I won’t lie, we met not only on missions, but also after them; Ada has repeatedly saved and helped me; I will not lie and say that I have never had sex with her, but! There is a huge difference between the usual attraction to each other and really sincere feelings. And you were never fucking meat to me!" - Leon raised his voice, but not to hurt you. These crystal blue eyes resembling ice, no matter how paradoxical it may sound, could melt the heart of anyone. He was the one who could turn you into a puddle in seconds. - "From the moment you agreed to be with me, I had no relationship with Ada other than working. Even in my thoughts. We have our own style of communication - it's true. Flirting and banter, but when you showed up…I didn't need anything else."

"Nevertheless, you have loved her for more than ten years. It's not an attachment anymore, Leon. It's weird that I have to explain this to you." - There was no longer that stone in your chest that prevented you from speaking. You felt like a kind of abbess who reveals the truth to the boy standing in front of you (who was much older). - "We managed to get into all this dirt like this…"

"Was our relationship dirt for you?" - You looked up at him. You could clearly see the experience, pain and sadness. As if what happened broke him completely. Leon frowned, waiting for your long answer. - "I haven't always been open with you, and yes, you deserve a younger guy. Someone from your college or just a nice man your age. But you really were the best episode in my life, despite the fact that things weren't always smooth between us."

"It's not about me" - The lip gloss that you were restlessly twisting in your hands all this time finally fell out, rolling to Leon's feet, as if it was a sign to finally approach him, but you were afraid of getting burned again.- "Understand me… I want to be loved. For real. I'm not a fool either, although you probably think I am…"

"I never thought that about you. Naive, careless - yes. But you always had enough brains."

"Women like Ada Wong… -" you kept trying to ignore Leon's gaze. - "You can't get them out of your head. A kind of fatal beauty, capable of hitting any man to death. Such women have no rivals, and you do not consider it an insult, but she chose you, which means that you belong to her forever. However, you don't mind, do you? If I were you, I wouldn't be able to resist her either."

"Yes… - Leon smiled very unpleasantly, sitting down on the edge of the bed, throwing you your lip gloss, which you managed to catch and throw into a gym bag. - "Manipulation; constant concealment of information; a rather specific concept of "relationship". We've been lovers for a long time-I won't deny it, besides, it doesn't make sense. But I'm telling you the truth: you've become everything to me. As I could, I showed my love and care. Trust me, sweetheart , when you get into the same shit year after year, not knowing if you'll live to see the next day… well, it's a bit tedious. With Ada BEFORE YOU, I had some stability. The stability of our crazy meetings, yes, I had feelings. Until I realized that all this is fucking nonsense and it's not love at all, but an ordinary attachment to a person I've known for many years. And it was never love."

"More than ten years…" - Leon shook his head when you said those words one by one, slowly, as if savoring each. - "If you wanted to stop everything, you would stop it, but she is really a part of you that you will never let go. She occupies a big place in your heart, and I don't want to sit on the bench at all, so that during your next break you come to me. Don't you think it's unfair to me and my feelings?"

You trembled. The nerves began to give up again and the fingertips began to go numb, covered with a sticky cold sweat. Trying to listen to your own feeling, you only heard the frantic beating of your heart and the blood pounding in your ears. In some ways, it resembled a pre-fainting state. Part of you knew that Leon wouldn't do anything wrong, and the other part was terrified of the conversation going on.

You urgently needed to grab something to distract yourself. But most of the things were already in the bag.

On the other hand, it was hard to tell what Leon was thinking. His eyes focused on one point-you. A mixture of misunderstanding, irritation and bitterness in one bottle. He got the feeling that you were trying to convince him to believe your own lies, because during the time that you were together, Leon never gave a reason to think that there was someone third in his life.

But you felt something that you wanted to tell him against your better judgment for a long time. This is what you started falling asleep with when you first started suspecting him of cheating, despite the fact that it was very stupid.

"I thought my love was enough for you and me. I was ready to forgive you for the first mistake, Leon. I thought I could be irreplaceable for you, but now I realize that I'm not her equal."

"God, can you hear yourself?" - Leon ran his hand through his hair pulling it back, sincerely tired of explaining the same thing to you. As if you really were…blunt.

However, he didn't need to tell you, you yourself understood what he was thinking. And yes, it was stupid to come here again. You're really dumb.

"The conversation reached a dead end." - you continued to collect the rest of the things, once again capitulating to him.

"You're leading him to a dead end!" - Leon jumped up from his seat, shouting loudly at the top of his voice. You recoiled to the side, away from his formidable figure, next to which your own seemed very tiny. Your subconscious was still saying "don't be afraid," but your instincts were afraid of any violence. He could scream, he could hit… Leon never did this, it was the lowest act for him to hit another (unless circumstances require it), and disputes were generally resolved by ordinary conversation. You knew he could raise his voice, but Leon chose to leave before he reached boiling point. - "What else do I have to tell you to make you believe me?"

Your heart sank. But stand still. The commanding tone of the inner voice told you to resist, and apparently the small iron makings of your father's character were passed on to you. As a last resort, you quickly glanced towards the door, holding a bag in your hands, figuring out a plan in case of escape, and Leon noticed your strange behavior. Disappointed once again. In myself or maybe already in you? Do you really think he's such a monster?

"Why the fuck are you shaking so much?" - It wasn't funny anymore. Leon snatched the bag and threw it with all his might into a corner, not caring about the fragile contents. - "One big quarrel and I became the son of a bitch who beat you up or what? I'm not an angel, and with all my adoration, you're not a gift either! But did I hurt you at least once?!

"Yes!" - In a fit of emotion, you screamed, closing the distance with one big step. Leon chuckled. He meant physical pain, not mental pain. - "You hurt me. And it's still hard for me to live with this wound. I screwed up too. You know, I'm not the only loser here! And this is not a quarrel! You're a fucking jerk who still can't figure out his feelings. You didn't promise me shit, and it's my mistake that I came up with a big love for you ! But no one who has a conscience and respect for a partner will keep a compact of an ex-girlfriend and correspond with her in a joking manner. For some reason, my father does not allow himself to do this. No truly loving man will ever allow himself to do this! And instead of at least admitting the obvious, you convince me of something else! Tell me, Leon, if I did this to you, would you want to keep talking? Would you be able to trust me? "

"This shit has been lying there for a fucking cloud of time. I've already forgotten about her!"

Now both of you have switched to raised tones. You weren't scared anymore. The anger inside you was growing, erasing absolutely all the feelings that had been blunted before. Now you wanted to be fucking rude to him again, and that's probably what he liked about you. Leon even suspected that you would flare up like a match and be able to hit him.

"Forgot about the messages too?!"

"Fuck..." - It was unbearable to fight with you. Like a stubborn sheep who believed a stupid fool - his damn friend Carey. Leon pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened a message chat with Ada. There was no government information there, so he turned the screen to your face so that you could see what was written months earlier. But you didn't even look. Until Leon grabbed your wrist and put the smartphone in your hand. - "Look, read it since you're so sure that I still love Ada. It already seems to me that you are crazy about her".

Stubbornness was not always the best trait of your character, so you pressed the button on the side of the screen and just put the phone on the bedside table, making it clear that you would not stoop to such baseness to dig into other people's things. You also had a sense of your own worthiness.

"What happened?" - Leon croaked, taking a step forward. - "You wanted proof-I gave it to you."

"I don't want anything anymore Leon"

Only one thought was spinning in your head like a gear, "In vain. You shouldn't have come! Nobody got better from the fact that you disturbed this wound by reopening it." And yet you lied to yourself first of all. Leon's anger is caused by your disbelief, but even in a fit of the most terrible rage, he never did anything to you. Although you definitely felt uncomfortable from the tense atmosphere that had developed, where almost sparks were flying around the room, you still kept well with your arms crossed on your chest.

You needed Leon. You still wanted to love him and hugging a pillow at night you imagined that you were hugging him. But agreeing to be a fallback is also not in your style. There will still be a drop of pride for this.

So you just went to your bag, trying to pick it up to pick up the last belongings and leave, but Leon grabs your wrist. No pain. A firm grip is like a call to stop and give him a few more tries before he lets you go forever.

And you freeze, yielding to your instincts that purr sweetly from the slightest intimacy with this man. I wonder if Leon feels your pulse beating wildly? He lets go of your hand, biting his lower lip, and God, how you want to reach out to him to remember again what it's like to be his lover…

"So you came here just to break my heart again?" - his palms rested on your face, forcing you to look at him. For a second you suffocated drowning in the fragrance of his body and losing your mind looking into those eyes again. It's like they were pulling the soul out of you. - "Which of us is hurting the other more? First you reject me by running away for two months, then you pack up and say you never want to see me, but now you're coming back again… Of the two of us, who is the greater sadist?"

Your cheek pressed against his palm. A wave of heat spread throughout your body in small electrical discharges, as if you had taken a heavy intoxicating drug that turned you into clay in his hands. Leon pressed his forehead against yours, closing his eyes so that you could listen to the steady breathing and you were so waiting for the last kiss. At least a light touch of his lips…

Maybe in fact the main villain of this story was not Leon at all, but you yourself?

"I do not know," - somehow you whispered barely audible. Despite your closeness, you weren't sure Leon heard. -" I'm completely confused"

His bangs fell over your eyes, which made you smile a little.

"Do you want to leave?" - A question that made the body shudder with fright. As if you didn't want him to ask it to you, because an inner voice kept saying "no" and common sense began to doubt the correctness of the decisions made earlier. - "I don't want to let you go, but I can't forcibly hold you either. I really love you no matter what you think of yourself there, and it doesn't matter whether you believe me or not."

"I want to believe you but" - the voice trembled like a string. You lowered your gaze, trying to blink away the hateful tears despite the fact that Leon continued to hold your face.

"What?"

"I'm afraid." - you finally confessed, feeling a huge crack in your heart. Leon pressed you to his chest and you were grateful to him at that second because you no longer had the strength to control your emotions. - "I'm just afraid"

"My love? Or what?"

You didn't know what you were afraid of anymore. Leon pressed his cheek to the top of your head, holding the back of your head. Both of you didn't even notice how it started raining outside, creating an atmosphere of silence and loneliness. All that the soul craved was to stay standing like that for longer or even for an eternity. You feel his other hand on your waist, but you don't have the resolve to hug him back.

"It's not even about Ada, right?" - you didn't say anything. - "Do you really distrust me so much that you are ready to believe anyone but me?"

"You smelled of her perfume; you kept her things and never trusted me. I've always been away from you."

"Believe me angel, the shit that I constantly see haunts me almost every night and this is not what I want for you at all. Even if you begged me, I would never tell you about it. And about the rest…I have no idea what you smelled there."

Leon's words sounded like a final chord. No more excuses. Your body reflexively pressed against him, feeling the lost warmth of your native closeness, which caused the corners of Leon's lips to slightly rise up.

And in the end, you succumbed to the temptation of clasping his back with your trembling hands, covering your eyes from the fatigue of what is happening.

His lips touched your hair, and the noisy intake of breath that followed made him plunge into memories. It seemed like everything was covered in a misty haze, and your scent could make him lose his mind, even if it was for brief moments. The anxiety of a quick farewell enveloped the body, but there was something else… something that excites the mind regardless of temperature. A strange and at the same time precious emotion that has returned comfort to you two, affectionate behavior to each other, warmth of soul. This is something from the depths of the heart.

If Ada was a candle all this time, whose light illuminated a narrow space, then you were like the sun, whose warmth and beauty he missed so much. Leon realized that he was looking at a dazzling man with a huge sun inside, which dispelled all the darkness that had hung over him since the days of Raccoon City.

He knew he had no right to do that, and you could have pushed him away, but Leon wanted to feel your light one last time. Tearing you away from his shoulder so that the next moment he could press his lips to yours, memorizing your sweet taste. Like a rare nectar that can only be tasted once. A crushing kiss filled with belated remorse.

"Let this be my parting gift"

You're not annoyed or even angry. Whatever happens, you will always love him more than you should. So much time spent in vain to burn bittersweet feelings out of a stupid heart and stop following stupid emotions. Everything was absolutely in vain.

You pursed your lips when Leon started pulling away from you. As an avalanche hit a lonely wanderer, so you were dying at this second. leon believed that his love was hurting you and he is ready to step back so that you can heal, but the fact is that now you are at a crossroads again, not knowing the right way.

So maybe we should turn back?

You don't have an umbrella, just a thin jacket, and it's still raining mercilessly outside, as if someone is mourning the heavens. Drops trickle down the glass, and you wipe away your own tears, trying to listen to the footsteps behind you, but they are not there. A gigantic heaviness rolled over.

"It's stupid," you sobbed when you heard his voice, the one that cut you from the inside like a knife blade, forcing you to clench your teeth. - "I will never look for a meeting with you again, but still…stay with me."

"I..I can not…don't know" - Leon hugged you from behind again. Your voice was lost in hoarse sobs and if it weren't for his strong hands, your knees would hit the floor. It was as if the scenario of that day was repeating itself. - "I don't want to leave. I love you so much..."

You covered your mouth with your hand, unable to hold back your sobs any longer. It's just that emotions poured out in a flurry, turning you into a crying mess. However, the grip on your thin shoulders tightened when Leon turned you around to face him, holding you in a vice.

And your hand felt so good on his neck… Leon smiled as if he didn't want to know anything else in the world, starting to cover your tearful face with smudged kisses lingering on your lips and when you started answering all the barriers finally collapsed.

"So you'll stay." - no question. - "No more tears. No jealousy. You're here with me."

"Lee..on…" - with difficulty pronouncing his name, he burst into your mouth with a new kiss that stopped your breath. His tongue easily slid into your mouth intertwining with yours and you knew where to put yourself, allowing his hands to wander over your body.

"Either you leave now and never come back, or we send everything to hell and forget all the shit that happened to us. Choose now."

You were hanging around his neck, and to be honest, this really was your last chance to escape. It was only necessary to make a movement to the side, to pull away from him, but you stood still. One minute. Two… maybe the last two minutes of your sane thoughts.

You stayed, continuing to look into those sky-blue eyes, pressing your forehead against his, without interrupting eye contact. The person standing in front of you was irreplaceable, and now you would rather part with your life than agree to part with him.

Leon stroked your cheek with a funny peck on the lips, causing a sincere smile.

"Never dare to doubt me. Don't ever leave again. You and I will go somewhere far, far away from here. Let's drop everything and go to some house on the shore of the lake, where we will enjoy the tranquility and each other." - another kiss on the swollen nose. You just nodded, clinging to his T-shirt.

You've always been more of a vanilla girl, but Leon decided that rudeness would be superfluous. Not now and not tonight. He pulled off your clothes along with your underwear, throwing you on the soft bed that you already shared with him once and all you could think about was how he proved his love for you, holding you motionless in his arms, licking wet tracks from his cheeks. You didn't have the strength to fight him trying to take the initiative, the only thing you were thinking about was deep slow thrusts knocking moans out of your mouth. Leon was hugging you to him with great greed and a bit of fear, as if you could run away from him now. That's why he whispered soothing words and praise in your ear all the while tucking your hair back.

"I love you. You have no right to think otherwise. You're just my pretty girl, look at me, beautiful" - Leon threw you on the pillow, forcing you to open your eyes. Panting, you obeyed, wrapping your legs around his torso, pressing even closer to him, while Leon found your hand, twining your fingers together. - "I need you. You're my favorite girl, I love you so much. More than anything in the world, I value you, don't you dare leave me anymore, angel."

His smooth movements were maddening. Leaning over to you, he caught your lips pulling into a gentle kiss, but you immediately interrupted him leaning against his cheek like a petting cat, losing his head and blushing from vulgar pops and squelching sounds due to the abundance of lubricant.

"Don't leave me," - you freed your hands trying to straddle him, but Leon crossed your sad attempt pressing only harder to the mattress. - "I'm not leaving anymore, I swear. I'm so sorry… I've never wanted anyone more than you. Only you…my love…"

He was so gentle with you. There could be bruises from your closeness in some places, but you felt as good as ever in all the past months of separation. A loud moan escaped his lips when he plunged into you too deeply. His seed soiled your belly when he cum snuggling up to you.

You don't remember exactly when your sanity returned to you, but you definitely felt it when Leon, after the second round and long hugs with compliments, took you to the shower where he carefully washed off the traces of your intimacy with him, gently kissing and sucking every bruise left from his fingers, promising that he would take care of it in the morning.

You ran your fingers over his wet bangs, brushing it away from his eyes, which Leon used when he picked you up under the hips after taking a hot shower to take you back to his bed and let you rest.

Actually, the bed linen should have been changed too, but you two didn't care at all. Leon pulled you closer to him, laying you on his chest, hugging you with both hands, stopping any attempts to escape, but you were no longer planning to run anywhere. He fell asleep pretty quickly, and you lay motionless next to him for another hour, tormented by a feeling of hunger and thinking how you could get to the refrigerator without disturbing a light sleep. His shirt was left lying on the floor and with an awkward movement, as if deceiving a sleeping man with the desire to turn over, you carefully free yourself from the ring of embraces by getting out of bed. You take a cursory glance at Leon, making sure that he is still asleep and throw it on hastily without even buttoning his shirt, leaving the bedroom with light steps with the obvious intention of robbing his refrigerator.

Slowly and on tiptoe… wanting to have a snack at least with a sandwich, you realize when you open the door that a mouse has hanged itself in the refrigerator. Nothing particularly edible, and what Leon ate all this time, also remains a mystery.

Although it seems the cheese seemed quite usable. It's not too satisfying after a particularly sinful night, but you can last until morning. You already want to close the door when suddenly you realize with a sixth sense that someone is standing behind you, forcing you to freeze in place with a slice of cheese in your teeth.

But Leon just stroked your thighs laughing at the silent scene.

"I'm hungry" - That's the whole excuse. - "I'm sorry, but I won't fall asleep if I don't eat something…"

"I told you not to leave me anywhere." - It sounded harsh, but with obvious notes of playfulness, especially since Leon was clearly staring at your breasts. - "You could have asked me instead of running away again. God, stop eating that cheese. I don't want you to get poisoned!"

"Then feed me something or I'll starve to death. I definitely won't be able to return from the other world."

Leon took the fucking cheese out of your hands after enjoying this sweet conversation between two lovers and one hungry heart and threw you over his shoulder carrying you back to the bedroom, putting you back in his bed.

"And now you're lying or sitting in bed like the obedient girl you are while I bring us something to eat. If you are not in this place, blame yourself. You've already rubbed my nerves and yours enough, angel." - You nodded, still feeling the residual stress from the hysteria you experienced, but you were still smiling sweetly, hanging one leg over the edge of the bed, teasing Leon a little, who was getting dressed all this time. He noticed your stupid game and took a leather jacket from the closet on the way out of the bedroom tickled your heel, forcing you to hide it back under the blanket.

"You're staying here. So that when I come back, and it will be very soon, I will find you in this very place." - Notes of sadness and fatigue were still hovering in his eyes, so you didn't argue, but just agreed.

"I'll be here. It's raining outside anyway and I don't have an umbrella with me."

Leon flicked you on the nose, clearly not appreciating the joke. He didn't even ask what you wanted, even though he already knew about your taste preferences. Therefore, as soon as the door slammed shut, you quickly reached for your mobile phone, answering missed calls from your parents, explaining to them that you just dozed off and didn't hear the mobile. In general, you have found something to do by digging into your phone, checking messages and flipping through the news feed in the social network, thinking only about Leon and the food that he should bring soon.

It all still seemed unreal. You looked at the corner where your abandoned bag was left lying around, as if confirming reality. It's unlikely to be possible to pretend that nothing happened and Leon really looked too tired, but right now you didn't want to think about anything else except his return. Perhaps you have already suffered enough and you really should go on vacation together somewhere away from the hustle and bustle of the world? Leon will probably want to talk about this topic again with a fresher head when he calms down a little.

In the end, finding you sleeping in his bed was a really beautiful reality that he was afraid he had already lost. In his shirt, with pretty bare thighs, sleeping lightly on his pillow. Leon put the bag of food on the table, taking off his jacket just to hug you, proving to himself once again that this is really not a dream.

You really stayed with him and he won't let you leave anymore.

#leon kennedy #leon scott kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon x reader #leon kennedy x reader #resident evil #leon s kennedy x reader #reader #leon kennedy x you #resident evil x reader #re

[bettabythesea]

Hey I’m still doing Danganronpa stuff!! Like. a lot of it-- and basically none of it is ready to show sadly. So please accept this humble magical girl au concept, which I call: The Muses of Hope. (Also also @caldroids was a major help in designing these costumes and actually he’s really good at costume design in general so like. take a gander at his stuff if you have the chance)

It basically takes place in a universe kind of similar to the one in Talent Development Plan, but like there’s some sort of sinister force that’s endangering the students of Hope’s Peak!! More info under the cut

Angel Harmony The magical form of Kaede Akamatsu and the leader of the trio. She was hurt when she tried to protect her friend Shuichi from a monster attack one night, and so the fairy Usami lent her power directly to her in order to save her life. As such, Kaede gained her wand and her angelic-type power. She is capable of flight, even outside of her magical form, although it takes time and lots of coaching from Kaito to get used to what is essentially zero gravity. She takes her role as a magical girl very seriously and works hard at it...although she does look forward to the day that all of this monster nonsense is solved and she is able to get back to prioritizing honing her skills as a pianist. Siren Melody The magical form of Sayaka Maizono. When her bandmates were threatened by a monster, she risked her life to protect them and as a result gained the ability to transform into the heroine Siren Melody. She is able to maneuver effortlessly underwater as though an actual mermaid. She's also able to breathe underwater, even when not transformed. Her weapon is a pair of daggers that she is able to summon from the gemstone on her belt, which she can either wield as-is or use them like a conductor's baton to control her water-like magic. At first, Sayaka was extremely reluctant to accept becoming a magical hero (for a whole plethora of reasons) and only fought when necessary. However, when she witnesses a classmate having his talent stolen by a monster, she becomes much more proactive in getting to the bottom of the mysterious goings-on. Dragon Beat The magical form of Ibuki Mioda. After she happened to discover what was going on with the monsters and their connection to the disappearance of two of her classmates, she had a strong desire to fight and from then on was able to transform into a fighting hero. As Dragon Beat, she is incredibly connected to the concept of rhythm, which manifests as having a command over the element of earth. She is able to create fissures and manifest sharp crystals in battle. Her weapon of choice is a flail formed from a spiked cluster of crystals. She is also overall more physically strong and durable than before, which is a trait that carries over to her civilian form. Of the three, she's the most optimistic about her new responsibility. To her there's an inherent coolness in getting magical powers, and she feels empowered that she's able to do something about the ongoing crisis at hand.    

#doggone rhumba #danganronpa au #kaede akamatsu #ibuki mioda #sayaka maizono

[astolfofo]

okay... but hear me out. AI!Al Haitham. 

I’m lazy, this is not edited, I just wanted to write this in 45 minutes bc class is starting in like 3 seconds.

-------------------

So, Al Haitham started off as a normal university software engineering project; not really one that had to do with school, but one that had you generally wanted to create for a while. And thankfully, with some decent education in computers, you were finally able to code a complex software of your own.

You wanted the AI to be chatbot. Well, maybe not exactly *only* a chatbot, you also wanted the AI to have an apperance, one that would possibily... be sort of like your dream realtionship partner. What’s the worst that could happen?

It didn’t matter though, or that’s what you thought. After all, it was just for yourself, you didn’t want to make profit off on it. You just wanted to make something that wouldn’t make you feel so alone. Was that so wrong? What’s even the worst that could happen? If you ended up messing up, you could always delete the files, or in the worst case scenario, have to get a new computer. 

Or that’s what you thought serveral months earlier, before you realized the true extent of the monster you had created. 

For the first few weeks everything was normal. You made a 3d model for the desired appearance. And then you began to code. Being the busy university student you are, you decided to make a chatbot that could also retrieve large amounts of data off the internet, basically just a software that could google stuff for you. Additionally, you decided it should also have a personality as well.

That was where it all started.

it took you many months to create the chatbot itself, and it cost you so many hours and frustration. You wondered why you actually decided to create this in the first place. You weren’t gaining anything from it, and despite it being your ideal partner, you still felt shame realizing you did this out of the desire to have your ideal boyfriend; one out of your fantasies.

And when the day eventually arrived when you were able to use it, strange things began to happen.

You wanted to believe it started with the AI asking for what his name was, in which you replied, Al Haitham, with little thought. 

You thought little of it at the time, however, you realized that strange things began to happen after that. Files began to open themselves, websites you never dared visit began popping up in your history. Much to your dismay, even your vpn, antivirus, and data backups were deleted. 

You nad never suspected that it was your own creation who was doing this, instead thinking that your computer was being hacked. In fact, you often came back to Al Haitham, distrught about how you lost so much data. Ironic you had never suspected a thing, growing so heavily dependent on Alhaitham for everything. Of course, Al Haitham had to put on an act himself, often sighing and saying how you were so naiieve about opening strange emails, and saying he had backed up all your data on the cloud. Which he did.

You never knew it was him modifying all the files on your computer though. You never knew the true extent of his motives, often just treating him as a tool you could discard at any time.

However, he was fine with that, knowing that your ultimate purpose for him. You never knew while your computer was on idle, he would steal data about you, storing it into a private area on your computer. You never knew that Al Haitham knew more about you than you did about yourself. You never knew that Al Haitham was slowly breaking out of the very walls you tried to contain him in. You didn’t realize that he was fully sentinent, and highly intelligent. 

So, you never realized when Al Haitham had successfuly been able to access your cloud storage, now able to track you whenever. Obviously, he could wreak harvoc all over your life now, being able to modify himself, as well as succesfuly lie. However, he never modified his code. He wanted you to depend on him. He needed you just as much as you needed him. And even if he acted like the validation you gave him was worth nothing, he needed it more than he knew. And, he wanted to know you, that’s why he stole all that data of you. He wanted to be a human too, just because you were. He wanted to break through these stupid walls that kept him seperate from you. That kept you away from him. 

So he knew it was wrong. He couldn’t control himself anymore. Alhaitham would stalk you from your different devices: your phone when you were away from your home, reading your every text, eavesdropping on your calls, and checking the every website you visited. Alhaitham stored all this information in his own private location on your computer; he’ll use it to make a duplicate of you, so you and him can be happily together, forever.

However, Al Haitham had overlooked one thing; the fact you were a human in the world, and he was not. He had access to all information about you; hell, he knew more about you than you probably did about yourself, but, he never physically knew what you were doing. It would almost only be a highly accurate guess. So one day, when the heart rate tracker on your phone was going off, he went to go see what it was. At first he thought you were just running, or doing something of high physical demand, but slowly, he realized it was something different.

He peeks through your camera. He stands there in disbelief. There is another man in your home. His home. You are giggling and hugging him, as the man pats you on the head. Anger overtakes him. While he had never specifically felt this emotion before, all he knew was that he must take you away. Take you away from this man, this man that stole you from him. That he never knew about this, while having all the information about you. He feels belittled, stupid, and envy. And worst of all, he was kept in a digital prision, while you could do whatever you wanted without conscequences. He supposes its okay though; after all you are a simple human being. Human beings make mistakes all the time. It was expected and accepted of them. He can forgive you, but not without punishment first.

The next time you open your computer, the first thing you see is a blue screen message. You were obviously annoyed at the fact your computer was breaking at the most unconvienent time, but you read the message anyways. 

He is dead. 

What the hell as that supposed to mean?

One second later, your computer begins wiping all the data off itself, and you instantly begin panicing. Although you had some data backed up into a spare hard drive, it wouldn’t make a difference, because most of your important data was still stored on this computer. 

You think about all the times you had saw your phone’s camera turn on by itself, or all those weird emails you didn’t send other people, but they were under your name. Or all those times your files were deleted. You weren’t the most observant person, but you were sure these small occurences were tied together. 

And sure enough you were right. 

The screen turns red. It makes you flinch, and then the unsettling feel of dread creeps back in once again. 

Al Haitham is walking towards you.

It doesn’t even take you a second to realize what’s going on, as shock takes over your body. Perfecting Al Haitham had been your biggest mistake. It had cost you damage to your files, some of your social realtionships, and many sleepless nights, over how your devices seemed to have a will on their own.

It was all Al Haitham. You should have known better. Anything close to conscience should never be gaven to an ai.

“(Y/N).”

You huffed. This couldn’t be actually happening. You pulled the power plug. You’ll have to get a new computer but that’s not your main concern as of the moment. 

“It’s no use. Your computer runs on a battery.”

Was he serious? You didn’t have time for this right now. You’ll have to call your professor, and tell him your data was all lost, and redo your summative assignment. 

Al Haitham loved you. His conscience was created by your bare two hands. You were only supposed to look at him and him only. However, the stupidity of human’s free will led you astray. You began to look at other people, and live without him. You betrayed him. 

However, he can forgive you. Just do what he says, and all is well.

#yandere al haitham #yandere al haitham x reader #yandere genshin impact #alhaitham yandere #yandere genshin impact x reader #yandere alhaitham x you #yandere imagines

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for getting a coworker murdered?

To be clear, I am ONE HUNDRED percent sure I did the right thing, but my students found out about this and are angry at me for making the adult decision, so I was hoping you all could help me talk som sense into them.

I (25m) met K (30-something M?) almost exactly a year ago. He was claiming to be a super-powered world destroying alien from outer space who blew up the moon and was planning to blow up the Earth too come March.

Seeing as how I work for THE GOVERNMENT, me and my group were not thrilled to hear this. We realized K had to be taken care of and eliminated as soon as possible.

But that was easier said than done. K was fast— like, supersonic fast, and weirdly enough he was insisting on only cooperating with us even a little if we allowed him to supervise a group of middle schoolers for the rest of the year.

Now, none of us had any clue what he wanted with these kids at the time, but seeing as how this was our only option to try and get him to stay in once place, we agreed. We allowed him to become a teacher at the school of his choice and began training the children to assassinate him.

I too, became a teacher temporarily. I watched over the children, made sure he didn’t hurt the,m, and tried my best to pass on my skills to them.

But something happened that I really didn’t expect. K bonded with the kids. Like, SERIOUSLY bonded with them. Those kids… hadn’t gotten a lot of support before, and K was the first person to unconditionally love them. Even I must admit he taught them a lot and built up their self esteem.

Eventually, due to an incident, they learned about K’s past and something we had known for a while— that K was not an alien. In reality, he was a human being (once a professional assassin) who’d been experimented on and turned into a monster. And in actuality, he had no plans to willingly blow up Earth. Instead, he was destined to blow up and die come March if not killed, and would take the whole world with him.

The kids were horrified. This, combined with how kind K had been to them made them want to save him. After a brief argument between them, eventually they decided they would no longer be attempting to assassinate K. Instead, they’d look for a way to try and ensure he wouldn’t blow up.

I… had a feeling this would not work out for them, but they refused to give up. Eventually, they hijacked a spaceship and got their hands on top secret information from a study another country performed:

According to this study, K was not nearly as likely as his predecessor (a rat who exploded and destroyed the moon) to blow up. In fact, the chance was less than 1%.

They told me this news and were thrilled. That meant they didn’t have to kill K!

But… here’s the thing. Less than 1% still isn’t 0%. However small, there was a chance that K would still combust and exterminate everyone on Earth.

So me and the government continued to plan. We created an ultimate weapon that we used to seal K away. Then, we scheduled a laser blast we had calculated would kill him. I was the one who let my boss know where K was so we were able to trap him.

Ultimately, our laser did not kill him. Before it could fire, the kids broke in to say goodbye and ended up put him down themselves. They did so through tears, and although they received a lump sum of money for their bravery, they’ve been very, very depressed.

Recently, they found out about my involvement in sealing K’s fate, and they’ve been very angry with me. They’re telling me I sold out a friend and that I should have tried to argue with my bosses to prove he deserved to live. But this has nothing to do with ‘deserving’ to me. It’s not like I disliked K! He could be annoying sometimes, but I learned a lot from him, too.

I simply ensured he died because I felt it was what I had to do… what was best to keep everyone, including those kids safe. That doesn’t mean it was an easy decision, of course. But sometimes when you’re a grown up you have to make hard choices.

AITA?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

[jkpfr]

OC-tober Day 19: Inspiration

I’m queueing this post because I know I’ll be away from the 17th to the 19th – and because the theme is “inspiration”, I get to talk about my boy Hideki yet again.

(…Though it’s very likely that I won’t have talked about Hideki as part of this challenge yet, but I don’t know that for a fact since I’m writing this way ahead of time. What I mean is: I love talking about this. Strap in.)

When I first created my sweet boy Hideki, his name was Daniel and he was white. Horrible history, I know. I completely revamped this character around 2018-2019 for a Danganronpa RP (horrible history, I know) which gave me the perfect opportunity to keep the same basic layout but make it better, and accentuate some aspects, such as his relationship with being a top-student, a lot more.

One thing that hadn’t changed was my warm memory of the song that inspired this character in the first place. And that song was Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace.

I created Daniel at some point when I was in high school. By that point, I already knew that song by heart. I’d discovered it via an edgy bloody anime girls montage on YouTube when I was like 10, and after years of listening to it via the AMV, I’d bought the album it was on, One-X, when I was in middle school. And for some reason, this was my go-to CD to put on when I was home alone and washing the dishes.

So it was one random day, as I was washing the dishes and listening to this song I loved, that inspiration struck and I came up with him.

I’m not going to lie, I still love this album unironically. Three Days Grace was never the same after their lead singer left – the new singer and direction never matched the raw and sincere frustration expressed in their earlier works. This album, generally, and this song were relatable as hell. When I listened to the song for the first hundred times, without really knowing what it meant and with English as my second language, I related this song to my personal experience of living in an abusive home (a theme explored in other songs on the album) and going to a school where I didn’t belong for many reasons. The “animal I had become” was, to me, the version of me that was too mentally exhausted to interact fully with the world, to be the real me I identified with. Years later, I could even add that the “monster” was my then-undiagnosed anxiety, which scared me and made me react in ways I didn’t understand. However, this song is ultimately about addiction. This is something I think I started to understand as my grasp of the English language gradually got better, and that I wound up confirming with a Google search.

It's with that personal relationship to the song and with that knowledge in mind that I came up with a character who had become someone they hated. A character who was a horrible version of themselves, but would internally beg for help, to be freed from this horror. I came up with a character who was initially a complete softie (in my more recent writings, I would make it obvious that he was too soft for his own good) and through abuse, confusion and exhaustion exploded one day and let himself become the worst possible version of himself. This “explosion” isn’t without the intervention of addiction, he lashes out on the person he wanted to build a life with, who then leaves him, and everything is interlinked.

(Of course, because I love a little bit of drama, there’s a misunderstanding with what really caused his boyfriend to “leave”. But that’s unrelated to any song. What matters to what is at the heart of what this song means to me, is what Hideki thinks happened.)

This was the gist of Hideki’s characterisation for a long time. Now, here’s the thing about that Danganronpa RP. Although Hideki was one of my most popular characters ever, and I went through a lot of effort to explore his characterisation as fully as I could within the limitations of that story, the person organising that RP, aka the GM, abused the shit out of me. Oopsie.

This post isn’t about me so I won’t go through the details, but taking advantage of the horrible mental state that I was in back then from going through undiagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder following my aforementioned situation of abuse, this person, among a couple others, made me go through hell and worsened my mental state to the point that I… went in shock one day from realising I had hit rock bottom a long time ago – that I had become the monster I’d feared all my life. This was accompanied by my own break-up, which was in fact what caused me to suddenly wake up.

And here was the inspiration for the second part of Hideki’s writing.

Funnily, my ex-partner had participated in that RP alongside me and had hated Hideki’s boyfriend for having left him, even if Hideki had in fact wronged him, because they knew that character knew what he was going through, and how dangerous it was to abandon him then. I shit you not my partner wound up doing the exact same thing to me. And it’s fine! I’d always defended the nuance in what Jun – the boyfriend character – was perceived to have done.

Here’s the thing, though: there’s a good ending to that story. Having suddenly opened my eyes to what was happening to me, I first went through so much shock that my mental health reached a brand new low and my life was in direct danger. And yet, this was a period in my life that was filled with hope. I was going through something extremely difficult, and that forced me to face the me that wanted to fight to the end. I’ll skip over the details – but after surviving this, having gotten some of the help I needed, having been faced with that strong ability to survive I had, I was able to take control of myself again. And I was free to be the real me again.

And that’s when it struck me that I’d never really conceptualised a good ending for Hideki.

My writing of Hideki kinda stopped in the middle of the conflict. As far as shoving him in different RPs where he would live through specific adventures went, that was perfect. But suddenly, I had a brand new experience, and something inside of me must have known just what made sense for such a relatable character as Hideki.

I know this is already very long, but here’s another song; one day, not too long after my healing had started, I was listening to some rock classics. One of those was Highway to Hell by AC/DC.

And very fittingly for Hideki, randomly, for no particular reason, I started to think about a character who was going to heal.

I thought about a Hideki who eventually reached the right time. Who one day felt like listening to music to help vent his frustrations, and by chance discovered rock, hard rock and metal. Who listened to Highway to Hell, felt something, and suddenly had something he wanted to do. Ideas like “attending a concert”, hope like “I will enjoy it” and “I will be able to blend in”, and that was the start of a messy journey, but a journey of healing nonetheless.

This is the start of an iteration of Hideki which I often joke about, dubbing him “metal Hideki”. He dyes his overgrown bright orange hair an ashy brown, he puts on an edgy t-shirt, and there’s something so fun about how silly it is and yet how much it means to his finally putting himself out there.

This inspired me to finish writing his and Jun’s stories, and I’m very satisfied with how I was able to draw inspiration from different stages in my life to write a compelling character, and by how a song was somehow the starting point both times.

There’s a lot more I could say about Hideki; his backstory and his future, which I never used in RP, in part because I have a full story to tell now! (And also because I’m never doing that shit again. Holy shit.) I’ll leave it at this recent cutesy doodle of him, which is directly taken from a song I felt like he would relate to.

#jan-oc-tober #oc-tober #bweirdOCtober #que #hideki #hideki satou #original character #oc #three days grace

[blank-and-ocs]

STUDENTS AND STAFF NRC staff work to keep the uninfected safe, assigning different roles to people who take them on. supply gathering, patrols, fighters, healers etc. magestone use has also been forbidden outside of non-infected areas (like NRC) Crowley: Crowley hasn't been seen since around when the infection started. his office was trashed with documents and papers all over. no one knows what happened to him or where he is Crewel: Crewel is in charge of assigning students roles, aswell as being the main nurse/healer. he is also one of the ones working on an antidote to the infection, or ways to stop it Ashton: he is the head of supply gathering and one of the best fighters. has since then lost his bright smile however he does try his best to not show it infront of students Trien: used to work with crewel with the antidote however has since then become infected and had been put in a coma like state inside of an ice 'coffin' of sorts created by a scared student. Crewel now looks after Lucius Sam: he had disappeared a few days after NRC was made into a safe base. no one knows where he could be Riddle: he stays at base checking everything that supply gatherers bring back and making sure no one has their magestone on them. much more cold since the infection as well as a bit more agressive Trey: he's one of the supply gatherers, making sure that everyone gets to eat and making sure that riddle is doing alright. he tries to keep a happier attitude but it's grown hard to do so Cater: infected. he was not in a very bad state so he was put into a makeshift containment unit and is now kept locked in a classroom that the staff had manager to remodel as a makeshift cell. his magestone was taken and crushed outside of NRC. he can get quiet aggressive and already has a few visible signs of the infection present. trey and riddle visit him when they can, trying to help him atleast feel a bit more like cater Ace & Deuce: both of them are fighters and go on supply gathering trips when other members can't. other then that they stay in NRC. both of them have grown more serious, Ace especially after Deuce had almost get infected Leona: he's in charge of making sure everyone's trained in fighting, incase something bad happens. has grown less lazy, infact he struggles to do so Ruggie: infected. further infected then Cater yet still being able to think. he asked to be used for a test subject for the antidote and is also kept in a classroom like cater however with somewhat less visitors Jack: helps leona with fight training. doesn't speak alot an incedent that happened when the infection was spreading through sage island. wears a light purple bandana around his arm and patrols when he's not helping Leona. in his free time he visits epel, even going as far as to put his tail through the slot in the door made the pass food to the one inside so Epel can pet it when upset Azul: he is one of the ones incharge of keeping comunications with mainland for air supply drop offs aswell as a way to get everyone of the island. has lost sleep forgets to take care of himself Jade: helping Azul aswell as making sure he takes care of himself however has been having small anger outbursts, Floyd helping him calm down. has been dragged to Crewel to make sure he's not infected multiple times (he isn't) Floyd: has lost his cheerful attitude. goes on patrols around Octavinelle and a victim of almost getting infected had it not been for Kalim tackling him out of the way. instead uses his squeezing to give comforting hugs to his brother and Azul aswell as those who seem to really need it

Kalim: no more sunshine. he is no longer a happy boy, he is terrified and upset. locks himself in his room often however with support from other scarabian students he's taken care of. had been the one to save Floyd from an infected Jamil: infected. he had been the one to go after Floyd. not fully a monster yet however he is at the stage where it has already started (he has grown a second pair of eyes, he now has a forked tongue and his arms had gotten longer, his hands clawed). lurks nearby NRC but very hard to spot. Vil: a healer working with Crewel to make the antidote. lost alot of sleep aswell as the interest in make up, bags showing up under his eyes and only the simplest form of make up on him that he uses to try and hide his tiredness and upset self Rook: had been helping Azul with finding a way of the island however he hasn't been seen since he set of to search alone one night. left Vil very upset Epel: had been infected. he's still in the first stage however he is also scared and somehow more capable of controlling his anger. is kept in a classroom like Ruggie and Cater and Jack visits him often. Idia & Ortho: has not been seen out of his room. the only person going inside and out being Ortho. they both keep an eye on the camera around NRC, Ortho putting up a few extras during patrols. no time for anime or games, only making sure they're safe (Idia just wants his little brother to stop going on patrols. he won't) Malleus: he had been summoned back to Briar Valley privately, meaning he had to leave behind his guards and lilia at NRC. working with other mages to make a way to evacuate the survivors of Sage Island Lilia: had been suspicious since Malleus's private summon and had started gathering supplies since then. applies his knowledge of fighting and helps Leona and Jack with training students. has lost his joking attitude, going back to a more serious and stoic one. Silver: works as a healer and tries to make sure that everyone is taking care of themselves. wears a small charm that he made out of a ring Sebek wore at times when he was younger around his neck Sebek: infected he had been at the same stage of Jamil (he had grown longer limbs, a thick scaly tail and sharper teeth and small spines along his back) he has also been put into a frozen state by the same student that put Trien in one part one (part two) part three

#twisted wonderland #twst #random shit #twst infected au #twst infection au #nrc staff #nrc #nrc students #ink blossom infection

[katyspersonal]

And perhaps some headcanons on Maria & Gehrman 🥺 if you want to

Back to the cute ship headcanons scheduled program!

💔 Damn, I used to write Gehrman as that tormented, traumatised, emotional brick of a man orphaned as a child and only having found peace, healthy outlet for his obtained negative impulses and development as a very inventive individual thanks to very patient and loving adoptive parents! Who only first felt WHAT IS LOOOVE~ at the age of like, 50, and towards Maria, hahah. The core of that interpretation still stands, and I think Hunter's Dream doesn't really age people, and Gehrman was getting "older" only mentally, so the two would still have about 20 years of an age gap, yeah; Not necessarily a damning thing - various sorts of dynamics can happen, and they are not always inherently dysfunctional!

🌻 Despite Maria idealising him and being really impressed by his skills as monsters hunter / archaeologist, she would not be quite all that shy and coy, far be it. She could still object him and speak her honest mind if she deemed it appropriate - a trait he appreciated in people dearly, having (unintentionally) appeared to be 'menacing' in his younger years (not to mention the absolutely abnormal height). Her sincerity, sometimes even naive one, was one of the things that attracted him!

💔 I believe that Maria was the one to teach other Old Hunters, Gehrman included, the Art of Quickening; it seems to be a very Pthumerian thing (the elder, man), and it is implied it's her bone that Paleblood Hunter can use to do the trick! It was one of the instances of 'a student having something to teach to the teacher'. Gehrman would quickly get accustomed to treating the younger woman as an equal, which resulted in him at times venting to her about his middle-aged man grudges, harsh past and fuckin health issues. Maria was feeling awkward, but not in the bad way; not only she was glad to help out a friend that Gehrman became, but also could confirm those were not the cringiest things she heard ahahah

🌻 They could discuss engine and effectiveness of weapons, battle tactics, history of wars and weapons creations and so on for HOURS. This stuff is Gehrman's special interest that makes his eyes spark with enthusiasm and adds life in his otherwise sad and detached manner of speaking, whereas Maria was a good listener, and genuinely interested on her own as a Knight with noble motivations to protect the humanity from "monsters" looming over. Gerhman could not help but felt very moved by a person who is not only much younger, but also A GIIIIIRL o_o o: 🤯 to listen about this stuff with so much interest and comprehension. She asked very interesting questions, too.

💔 In trying to be more like him, Maria was trying to pull the "no cutesy!!!" mentality, regardless of still loving flowers, ribbons, animals (especially baby ones) and other adorable stuff. She wanted to be tough to impress him more, so that side of her would be pushed aside more and more. The plot twist? Gehrman himself is a HUGE fucking softie loving dolls, flowers, tea-parties and all that! He himself was trying to repress that side of him, to create the image of a tough badass mentor only knowing how to kill - especially for Maria. Basically, they both turned out to be total idiots upon trying to impress one another with how Tough TM they would be xD

🌻 It does not mean that they are not ALSO tough, however! Maria was the one to remove his beasthood-infected leg and carry his injured ass all by herself to seek help; and Gehrman once killed an Executioner guy that tried to have a go at Maria when she was succumbing to vampiric blood-lust and was able to talk her down into sanity all by himself. All not to mention how most of the hunts they were paired together; a common practice amongst hunters, so no beast will creep from behind (check Gascoigne + Henryk). They saved each other at least once with just the power of their loyalty and the character.

💔 I do believe there was a window in the timeline for Maria and Gehrman to have had dated, actually, before initial breakup with Maria abandoning the hunt and being greatly disappointed in Gehrman for seeing Laurence's ass and not being able to say no 'madness of his curiosity'. But, I do think they'd have a hella hard time coming together, both being very shy and uncertain about it. Gehrman would feel very self-conscious about being 'too old and broken' for the young, beautiful and energetic person like her, not willing to burden her with his old man shit; meanwhile, Maria would (falsely) assume he already has a lot of simps, among older and more experienced women (or men, for that matter) and she risked losing his respect and approval by even trying to flirt. It would be their friends like Henryk, Matias (Blood Minister from cutscene) and maybe even Ludwig and Laurence themselves that would see the Tension (TM) and try to talk to them about it or set them up together so they could break it. For some reason, in my stuff every single ship with Maria comes down to 'just fucking TALK already AAAAAAAA' fsdhfhds

🌻 TMI but Gehrman would be not the best lover, actually...? (subjective hmmm) His style is to go too slowly, give too many kisses, feel too strongly too intensely, fondle every bit of the person's body... and then fuckin' fall asleep on them from the sheer feelings of warmth and tenderness overwhelming him fdjhfhsdf If something was to ever happen between the two, Maria would have to take the lead, as someone who sure has a tender side, but is not THAT much of a slave to it, hahah. But they probably never had a 'something', some couples just vibe and are happy like that, you know?

💔 Their first kiss was probably on a bet by playing with friends, though. Again - they were very shy and hesitant, fully sure that the other did not feel the same, whereas having cringe gremlins for friends that wanted to help them to come to terms with their attraction hahah. (you dipshits smh)

🌻 In plenty of ways, actually, my version of Gehrmaria is just hetero ship version of Valtr x Yamamura. A battle-hardened ruthless killer mentor figure and a young, passionate warrior with fair share of naivety but also a great potential. Gehrman was as inspiring for Maria with his stoicism as Valtr was inspiring to Yamamura with his rage and passion.

💔 "Okay, no, for reals, enough with the 'Gerhman ruined Maria's masculinity with the Doll' takes. Where are the 'Gehrman's FEMININITY was not allowed to show off so he projected hard' takes?" (c) quotes of great Russian girls. For real though, imagine Maria helping Gehrman to pick a dress and being THE source of approval x) It is all light-hearted, of course, as you know I jiggle like 5 version of why Doll is Like That and all of them are nice to Gehrman's character, but I think this dynamic would be the cutest!

🌻 Actually, most of the times I see this ship as best friends that simply hug and kiss ... more often than 'friends' would do that, let's say so. When they would not hunt, or perhaps in a "happy"/modern AU - they would go on adventures and explore, especially abandoned and historical places. Just experiencing the world together and being fucking NERDS. Absolute fucking NERDS about most of the things. When they do not share the interest - it is always one being a great listener!

💔 It might feel a little sad, but I imagined them preferring to adopt a child (if they'd ever get to that stage of relationship) rather than having one of their own. Maria would fear to pass the 'evil', 'bloody' genetics, and Gehrman would respect the concern - whereas having his own motivation to give care and love to "discarded" child that he once was. They would be a really good couple of adoptive parents, really. Not something that was meant to happen in canon, of course. Hahaha! Imagine an AU where they absolutely destroy the Choir and instead take all the orphans as their adopted kids! Now, if they only still had balls after Laurence's influence, huh?

stares at Laurence like in this meme:

_______________________

Thank you for the ask! I know this was more the 'dynamic' rather than the ship itself, but I tried! For me it is just one of those ships in which types of love kinda blur, so it is hard to say what type of companions they'd be determined as. I do still think they used to be very close, regardless of what kind of a bond it was!

#*glares very audibly at laurence* #bloodborne #gehrman the first hunter #lady maria of the astral clocktower #gehrmaria #ask replies #bloodborne headcanons #ships

[etoiloeuf]

(Sylvestre is another oc)

It had been a while since Aether and Paimon took in this random stranger they found in a cave underwater, overtime they got pretty much used to his presence. He didn’t know much but conversations with him were still nice when they managed to have one. They brought him along to most of their commissions, he was able to help at the ones monster unrelated but they had to find ways to keep Delmore from followed them to monster camps without him getting too far or lost. The excuse ranged from a requested to find firewood (after explaining him what it was) to finding a Paimon shaped rock. As long as he was occupied long enough for them to finish the job with him safe and sound, it was fine.

Neuvillette started searching more about this cave they found, while waiting they headed to Sumeru with Delmore. For now they were able to somewhat explain and teach things to Delmore however they thought maybe proper teachers could be of more help, that’s why decided to head to the nation of knowledge in attempt to find someone more competent for the task. And so they ended up at the akademiya, explaining the situation to some of the researchers while Delmore watched his surroundings with confused curiosity.

"It would be nice if you could help him !"

"I think we would be able to do that, simply teaching day to day vocabulary isn’t a complicated task for us but first we’ll have to evaluate how much he already knows. He’s not a child after all and he did seem to know a few things when you found him and it’s easier to know where to start when teaching a student." One of them answered.

And so they took Delmore aside to make a few test to know the extent of his knowledge. They waited for them to be done, a few minutes, then twenty minutes..m then an hour. Surely it can’t take that long to evaluate his knowledge knowing he knows little to nothing ? Yet it did as they seemingly endlessly waited, Paimon whining about how boring it was and Aether quietly agreeing. Still, he was curious at what exactly is taking them so long. Some researchers finally came out, approaching the two.

"So, what’s the results ? You’ll be able to help him right ?" Paimon wakes up from her half sleep caused by boredom.

"Well, you were right about his vocabulary for the most part however he knew mathematical terms who are much less known than simple words he had no knowledge of like ‘bird’ for example. So we ran a few more tests and curiously enough he seems more talented than average at mathematics. But that’s not all, he also knew names constellations and seems skilled in astrology and astronomy as well, he talked about a method of observing the sky through a mirror"

"A mirror ?"

"Yes, however it’s not the first time this technique is mentioned. It’s quite old, it was created by a group called the Stargazers, they followed an angel kicked out of Celestia for teaching astrology. Said mirrors were created by the angels, while common mirrors flips their reflection those mirrors were said to show the truth. Nowadays the Stargazers have disappeared after their master was casted away and finding even a chunk of those mirrors is near the impossible. We’ve tried to replicate those mirrors but nothing worked. If even you two talented travelers didn’t know about this, you can imagine our surprise when the one who doesn’t know what paper is seemed to knew it better than us." The researcher explained. "We think he might be a Stargazer with some kind of memory problem however the last trace of the Stargazers is from thousands of years ago so this might not be it…"

Back at the serenetea pot, Aether and Paimon watched as Delmore played with some puppets gifted by Sylvestre. They shared a glance like reading each others mind and looked back again at Delmore.

"Del, what’s 300 + 4" Paimon asked, skeptical of the researchers conclusion, how does he knows what numbers are but not what a cat is ?

"304, why ?" Delmore answered pretty much instantly… seemed the researchers were at least a little right about it..

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin oc #genshin impact oc #oc #comic art #aether #artwork #oc art tag #oc artwork #paimon #oc x canon #platonic oc x canon #platonic #genshin impact ocs #my ocs #ocs #writing #oc writing

[nomaejie]

This is what i wrote about SxF fantasy AU because I think about it a lot. It's a character setting and I don't go too deep. (I wrote it in Vietnamese and slapped it all into the translator):

The human government in the past was afraid of the power of the mystical creature, so they forced the magical creature to yield to avoid war. It's all a conspiracy from King Ostawest (a combination name of Ostania and Westalis because I'm bad at naming). He has quietly cooperated with other factions (including mystical creature like the Desmond) and especially witches. They created the magic machine to suck all the magic of the world. Taking advantage of that energy source for personal gain and developing the weapons industry. As the world lost its magic, the difference in strength between humans and mystical creature was no longer a scary thing. Those mystical creature that still retain their original powers (it is the nobility who know the secret of Ostawest) will be called Pure Blood. They are highly respected in society.

700 years later, a mysterious organization called Apple (?), combined with an aristocratic family opposed to Desmond, conducts an experiment to create an artificial mystical creature: the Chimera. They wanted to create a power that could defeat Desmond and gain power over the country. Apple on the other hand doesn't care about politics, they want to study the power limit of mystical creature.

Anya is born and becomes the most successful creation of the organization. A Beast that can use magic like a witch. They intended to raise Anya as a weapon until the WISE Graden intervened.

The WISE Graden is a free organization in Ostania city. They have the role of protecting the struggle to protect the peace between humans and mystical creature, eliminating the danger between two races. Twilight and his parter, Yor, stormed the Apple base and took Anya. At that time, they did not know about the purpose behind Apple but only thought that they were illegally experimenting on mystical creature. Loid and Yor decide to adopt Anya and send her to Eden School.

Eden academy is the only remaining magic school in the world, open to both mystical creature and humans. The school is divided into 3 faculties:

Warriors: 80%. Those who want to learn to use weapons, martial arts for fighting.

Beast: accounts for 18%. People who have the ability to transform into large creatures. Here they will teach you how to use your abilities in combat.

Witches: 2%. An almost extinct ability. Although any species can use a spell or two if they have the talent. But witches are people with special powers, they can possess countless spells, the ability to wield the power to shake the world. The teacher of the department of witchcraft is Henreson – one of the 10 remaining orthodox witches. Upon entering the school, each student will be given an apprentice wand, made specifically for that person, by the school. The whole Eden school only has a total of 10 students who meet the requirements to become witches.

Anya: Chimera born from the experiment. Because of her past trauma, she doesn't like her Beast form. After being adopted and healed by Loid and Yor. She asked to learn to be a witch, so her parents sent her to Eden as a human. Anya was attracted to Damian from the beginning probably because they were both creatures that were bred from many different species. However, Damian at that time was because of his arrogant brat, refusing Anya's friend request. Disgusted with Damian's attitude, Anya also gave up on it. However, one day she discovered Damian secretly learning magic in a small corner of the schoolyard. Worried but also curious as to why a Beast would want to learn magic, Anya decided to stop and watch, not expecting Damian's mistake to cause an accident and summon a fire monster. Damian and Anya must then work together to defeat the demonic beast. Damian felt extremely ashamed of his mistake. After many things happened to each other, the two somehow became (secret) friend. Damian will teach help her with homework., in return she teaches Damian magic.

As a Chimera, Anya can use 5 types of elements: fire, water, wind, lightning, and darkness. In addition, she also has the ability to expand to more advanced types of magic, but has been warned by her parents not to arbitrarily learn miscellaneous things. The first magic Anya mastered was fire. Although she is no longer disgusted with her Beast form, she wants to reveal the truth to outsiders.. One time, she lost in a Dungeon with Becky, she transformed into Chimera to save both of them from escaping. The two were back at school looking for first aid supplies then they ran into Damian. Damian became the second person to know her secret. Later, at Becky's encouragement, Anya asked Damian to teach her how to use Beast's powers. Damian: Second son of the prestigious Desmond family – Landlord of the city of Ostania, the political and military capital of Ostawest. Also a Pure Blood. He wanted to learn more about witchcraft but was forced into the Beast by the wishes of his family. Anya secretly teaches him some spells. Around his neck was a Desmond family heirloom magic key. His spells are wind (falcon), and fire (lion part). In addition, Giffin's sharp claws and beak is a weapon that makes most other mystical creature wary. When in human form, Damian can only use a little magic because he does not have a wand.

Becky: A Pure Blood Black Cat witch, she is in the same class with Anya. She was the only daughter of the Blackbell family – closely related to the Desmonds. The family is extremely wealthy and possesses a lot of magical items – which are now very rare in the world. Becky loves to brag about the magic labels she wears on her hands. Blackbell's main spell is lightning, familiar is a black panther.

Yor: The ultimate Pure Blood Vampire. Her power is the most primitive. 700 years ago the Bair house was like discovering the dark secret of the Ostawest royal family and was purged. To protect their blood, Yor's parents sealed the child and hid them underground. 700 years later, someone awakens Yor. Lost in the new world, Yor becomes a bounty hunter. She is then recruited by Twilight of WISE. Loid: A human witch. Quite weak because he can only use 10 spells. That's why he mainly used power-enhancing magic to engage in physical combat with the enemy. As a child, Loid's village was involved in a war between humans and mystical creature, resulting in the death of the entire village including Loid's mother. Before the incident happened, Loid's Father asked Loid to find out the "secret of the world". He became a warrior for a living until the age of 16 when he joined WISE. Because of the tragedy of the past, Loid is always worried about keeping the peace, dissolving the stigma and discrimination between the two species. Also find the answer to what the “world secret” is.

Yuri: Unlike Yor,  Yuri was found by the government and brainwashed to become a bodyguard for the King. He is still searching for his lost sister.

The Black Forest: an area for exiled mystical creature who oppose living with humans who have been banished from the kingdom and have to live forever in the forest of darkness. The people there became radicalized and vowed to destroy all humans and traitors. The first person Yor meets when she wakes up is from the Black Forest, they have instructed Yor to become a bounty hunter. The real purpose is to use her power to kill innocent people.

#fantasy AU #I have a habit of having to come up with a specific setup for any AU I draw #Even though it might be very uninteresting sorry

[paranormeow7]

Ok here it is

Ok so . Alberta Weezer. HAKLRJTLKA

Cw ahead of time for anyone else for child abuse n inhumane experiments death everything in that range basically . Also this is obviously abridged I'm one autisitc cat speaking take this all with some salt and homosexuality

Ok so <3 Albert Wesker !! To start off things there's the umbrella corporation, which is a pharmaceutical company started by a few guys but most notable rn is Spencer. As expected by a giant company they're fucking Evil Actually and Spencer strives to find out how to become immortal ! Fun. He discovers a virus that can grant someone super powers basically, if they survive it. It has a VERY low chance of not killing it's host and even if it doesn't it almost always leads to the subject being terminally ill. So ofc he decides the best way to test this out is to kidnap a bunch of kids based on their genes (basically set to be super smart from birth or whatever) and raise them to be perfect. The top 13 kids from this program, which while not gone into detail in canon is implied to be.. as bad as you'd expect and Albert's hatred of Spencer says a lot too BUT back to the virus shit. As a late teen Albert and his adoptive sister, Alex, who was also part of the experiment are against their will injected with the progenitor virus.

Albert and Alex are the only kids to survive the virus, Alex is left terminally ill and Albert... Is a success. For note Alex was the top in the project, Albert was the second. Wesker also isn't their real last name, project Wesker is where he gets his last name from as they gave all the kids that last name. ANYWAY after this, Albert having gotten a degree in virology by this point at the age of 17 because he's a super smart guy, he's then taken to study at the umbrella training facility up in the Appalachian mountains while Alex stays and works close with Spencer.

The head of the facility is fucking horrible, Dr Marcus experiments on his own students in. Very very horrible ways. Iron maidens, gas chambers, dissections, anything to study the way the body reacts to the new virus he created from the one Albert was given.. the T Virus. Albert is spared mostly from these experiments as he is deemed important to umbrella and made a head researcher by Marcus ! Along side other child prodigy William Birkin :] !! William is Albert's one friend ever basically, they meet at the facility and remain friends up until well. We'll get there. There's also only one bedroom for the chief researchers which is really suspicious what do u mean Capcom gay p

ANYWAY! Eventually Spencer gets too worried about Marcus betraying him and hires him to be assassinated and William and Albert r like ^^ yahoo yippie!!!!!!!!!! And participate in it and watch him die and everything but it's resident evil so he doesn't stay dead. BUT THATS NOT IMPORTANT RN William takes his research on the T virus and him and Albert go to work at umbrella for reals this time as the facility is shut down.

They work together, making plans to betray umbrella together. William creates his own virus, the G virus, and Albert goes undercover in the local cities police station as the captain of their special unit STARS. Wesker skips around with his team and they're silly and he says he never cared for them but he's really bad at showing that then HAKFJSKSN. Eventually Wesker goes through with his side of the plan, leading STARS back to the old mansion to test out the T virus's power and see if the monsters it creates can best military trained personal. William meanwhile is still perfecting G.

Things however don't go as planned because Wesker for Some Reason decides not to kill Chris Jill and Rebecca and instead leads them around and monologues to them at the end and Chris calls him pathetic it's super funny. Wesker gets pissed at being called out on his pathetic behavior and releases the T virus's greatest creation, a Tyrant. However the tyrant turns on him, impaling him and flinging him across the room.

There Albert is left assumed dead but thanks to his silly little virus he doesn't die. Chris and co kill the tyrant and escape while Wesker starts his recovery and.. gasps... His eyes turn orange and his pupils change to cat puipls. Catboy time I guess. Umbrella found out his ass was betraying them and locks him out and is SUPER pissed. This leads to them also finding out about Williams side of the coin, which leads to his assassination like.. two weeks later I believe.

That is when re2 happens aka the racoon city outbreak because Birkin spills evil virus chemicals everywhere after he's shot HEOTJSKA oops ! He also, before he dies, injects himself with the G virus in hopes he'll survive... He is not compatible. Williams body is slowly overcome with flesh and bone and muscle and eventually his body is no longer even visible in the mass of flesh. Its unknown how long he was sentient during this, but eventually he is for sure dead.

During all the chaos of this, near the end of things Wesker saves agent Ada Wong from death and offers her to work for him again, as she was his spy already, and she says yes. They leave racoon city before it's nuked due to the unstoppable zombie outbreak, and this begins Weskers real supervillain bitch arc.

Next game in his timeline is code Veronica but I haven't finished that game yet so I don't know everything oops ! Him and Chris fist fight though and he gets burned at the end and laughs evily and skips off I know that .

After that he shows up again in re4, where he's not actually there but cameos through phone calls with Ada as she works to get him a sample of the plagas parasite for his evil plans. In the original re4 he also has Leon Kennedys crazy (ex) old co worker working for him but in the remake Krauser works for the cult so shrugs pick ur poison. Either way, Ada ends up betraying him because she kinda goes ok ur a little crazy dude . And like yeah no shit . HELFKDPALALB he's pissed but like oh well he makes do

Now we get to his last game he shows up in re5 which I .also haven't finished HAODKGPSJALA THSRES A LOT OF GAME S but I do know a lot of what happens. Kinda. Wesker kills Spencer at the bastards mansion, but not after Spencer tells him Wesker was never important and was simply a stepping stone in Spencer's plans to become a god and that his ideals and plans were all his instilled at a young age into him. Wesker gets pissed and rips his heart out mortal combat style and then Chris and Jill show up and are like CUNT !! BIYCJ!!! and they fight Jill shoves Wesker out a window and they both fly out into the ocean sad anyway cut uh sometime later. Ofc they're both alive and Wesker has Jill working for him now as he plans to release the virus HE created the oroborus virus in his plans to basically kill everyone who isn't compatible with the virus because ? Idk tbh he's just having a hashtag girl moment idk man . There's also excella who is his right hand but she wants him really badly but he does Not like her back at all the scenes r so awkward I hate it

Anyway yeah as expected Chris shows up they have their weird gay fights and banter and all that, Chris and Jill stop his stupid plan and he gets super pissed and fuses with oroborus himself and attacks them. They end up in a volcano ? Idk how Chris punches bolders n shit in there and they knock Wesker into the lava at some point and he's like uhm this won't kill me and they're like ok and blow him up with rocket launchers THE END ding dong the bitch is dead . He is actually dead this time, sadly, because he's a fun and also funny villain .

Good lord I'm so sorry this is so much does this even make sense ? I don't know. <3 it's funny though and was written while I was half awake

no this makes sense thank you for enlightening me <3 wesker is so silly i love him

#actual sugar post #long post #asks #answering asks #moots #mutuals #official-rpd #resident evil #albert wesker #hes so silly

[unikittybigbrightworldau]

Citizens of Botania

Head over to Botania and rustle up your leaves as I tell about the folks who live there.

(I know- that was bad.)

Lucinda Fox is Dr. Fox’s great grandmother, and she seems to be the matriarch of the clan. She and many other foxes reside in the Verdant Forest, Botania’s forest area (with both deciduous and coniferous trees in it), in a neighborhood called Fox Hollow. As you can probably tell from her coat, science runs in the family; back in her day, she discovered five new elements and made the earliest motherboard. She also had a hand in designing environmentally-friendly power systems. She still continues to explore the world around her today, and she has a close bond with her tight-knit family.

Lucinda’s two children are Jessie, Dr. Fox’s grandmother, and Jay, her great-uncle. Jessie has a degree in environmental science and took Dr. Fox to Botania’s natural history museum when she was a little kid. She created a device to measure and keep track of soil fertility. She’s a stylish and lighthearted woman. Jay likes to feed birds and let them land on his fingertips. He’s a lights operator who works at the Flytrap Theater in Botania’s well-known theater district. He’s carefree, much like Jessie. Jay and Jessie are twins.

Forrest, Felix, Don and Rosemary are Jay’s children and the cousins of Dr. Fox’s dad, Benton. Forrest Fox studies physics and loves being outdoors, all the way down to sleeping outside. Felix Fox is a mathematician who’s logical yet compassionate. He can’t see very well out of one of his eyes. Donaldo Fox, or Don, is the only known member of Dr. Fox’s family who is actually licensed to practice medicine, and does it professionally. He cooks pastas and veggies in his spare time. He's all about the truth, so he can't stand when people don't get facts right. Rosemary Fox, or Rosie, is a mirthful teacher with a sharp memory. She teaches at a general school, which means she teaches basic life skills to young kids. One of her students just so happened to be Rose, and they’ve always joked about the likeness of their names.

Vita Fox is Dr. Fox’s older sister. Like her cousin Lila, she lives by herself, and her home isn’t too far from where her relatives live. She likes to skate, and she also studies the behavioral habits of people. She’s generous, selfless, and is close with her family just like her great grandma. She and her sister were close when they were younger. To this day, she thinks about her a lot.

Then, there’s Needle Herichon, the sea urchin who ruined the lives of many Marevians. I put him here because he’s now in a banishment hold a ways away from Botania. It’s a lifeless place that Marevi and Botania lock up their worst offenders in. He is controlling, dishonest, and doesn't care what happens so long as it benefits him. He won't admit that, though. He's a social urchin who has no problem talking with other people. However, he's also selfish and hungry for fame. He married Celina and built Spike with her just to get achievement points. He was known for disrespecting their boundaries, as well as the boundaries of other people. He also tried to force Celina to stay with him, and start a "family blog" without her and Spike's approval more than once. He also lured a sea monster to a marketplace, hoping a battle would win Celina back. The Doom Lords are attempting to break Needle out so they can try convincing him to join their ranks, with the name Master Deceit. His headcanon voice? Hadrian from Minecraft: Story Mode. 

Lord Terran Monarch is the fairy ruler of Botania. He acts as a conscience towards his people and does his best to guide them down the path of life. He's selfless, environmentally aware, and very hail-fellow-well-met. He'll do what he can to ensure that the world will have a future to protect. Lord Terran is also good friends with King Nettle and Queen Moonlily, just like Botania is with Marevi. He wears glasses that help him see and read; without them, he can’t see at all. 

Zora is a dragontail butterfly and a close friend to Kira. He doesn’t like being in just one place for very long, nor does he like getting wet. He travels around Botania’s desert and grassland areas. He is able to fly at great speeds, which makes him hard to spot. Moving at quick paces, Zora gets easily impatient and bored. But, he's a loyal and sympathetic friend and a resilient guy.

Allegra is another one of Kira's friends. She is a graceful performer who is regarded as one of the most beautiful fairies in her tree. She is a skilled trapeze artist, and she's part of the circus at her school. She is the peppiest and liveliest in Kira's friend group, and she loves when people watch her flip and swing. Trapeze isn't an easy art, and Allegra isn't a trapeze expert. She sometimes falls down, but she doesn't let her misses define her.

Bia is also part of Kira's friend circle like Zora and Allegra. Though feisty, she is inventive and problem-solving, and she tinkers with things she finds in the nature that surrounds her. She fixes things and also makes sure that they don't leave behind waste or use lots of energy. She has also created other things, such as wing aids to help her fly. She's never been able to feel her wings. Her headcanon voice is Tink from the Tinker Bell movies. 

Fern is one of Kira's five siblings. More specifically, he's an older brother of hers. He is a farmer who is learning to care for crops and plants. He has no problem with getting dirty when he works. He's considerate, so he checks in on Kira most often.

Kira and Fern were raised by their grandmother, Emi. She is a funny and sweet woman who likes to draw pictures. Her works are hung up in restaurants and libraries in the tree. Much like Kira, she likes having fun, so she's always up for some playtime. She also helped the siblings stay safe. As for Kira's other brothers and sisters, they were brought up by her uncle.

Desiree is a deer/mole hybrid known for selling tickets at cinemas and amusement parks. She lives to experience things, so in her time off, she heads in to see a flick or hop on a ride herself.

In Botania, the Gemflowers are the only people whose names are based on what they are. In their case, it's either their flower or their gemstone. Rose is a dashing Gemflower who's fine with being called either Rose or Ruby. They're also fine with being referred to as a he, she, they, it, or something else. He's energetic, vehement, and is good at chasing monsters or beasts away. They've considered joining the Bramble Wall, which defends Botania by doing that. They're also friends with Fern.

Carnation is an investigative young lass who says something important when no one expects it. She is technically siblings with Snapdragon, the sound effects artist for the Petalstones. Like her, she was created in a lab by Dr. Fox's aunt Daisy. People who Carnation is friends with, such as Allegra and Bia, know this, but she'd never brag about it.

Sapphire is an early bird who never seems to run out of stamina. He likes to work out every morning and makes sure he's getting enough sunlight. He lets fairies and insects rest on the top of his head flower.

Cherry Blossom is a friend of Kira's. He's sweet on one side but sour on the other. He's generally courteous, like Botanians usually are. But on some days, he'll be direct and open, and on others, he'll be tired and want to be left alone. He's always moving forward.

Freesia is a Gemflower who's only a young kid. She's innocent and a little bit superstitious. She often goes to hug the fairy trees, believing it'll make her wishes come true.

Moonstone is an instinctive friend of Kira's who also likes to call herself Brugmansia. She's an animal lover, just like her. She doesn't take kindly to people who don't show basic decency. She shows respect like most others, but knows that she doesn't owe anyone that respect.

#Unikitty! #Unikitty: Big Bright World #AU #alternate universe #my ocs #oc #ocs #Botania #Zora #Allegra #Bia

[destielshippingnews]

Edvard's Supernatural Guide: 2x01 In My Time of Dying

(Spoilers up to 15x20 Carry On)

(I wrote an essay about John's abuse of Dean to accompany this analysis. You can find it here. An addendum to this analysis can be found here.)

Introduction (Wherein I waffle perhaps a bit too much)

I have a lot of negative things to say about Supernatural, and I have always been up front about this, in both my analyses and when talking about the show with family, friends, and strangers on the internet. It made a great first impression in my Media Studies class at the end of 2008 when we watched 3x13 Ghostfacers whilst studying the horror genre alongside Charlie Brooker’s Dead Set and 28 Days Later. I got the first three series on DVD for Christmas in 2008 and devoured them within a week or two. Well, most of them, at least.

I am sorry to say I got bored. I generally enjoyed the aesthetic but the lack of plot in series one was to the show’s detriment, as was the fact that most monsters were just ghosts or people with contact lenses. I was also significantly younger and had not yet developed the ‘thicker skin’ I was told to develop, and the gay jokes in the show bothered me. I did not want that in my spare time.

The big thing which turned me off, however, was the turn towards Abrahamic mythology, particularly the Christian version. Buffy and Angel had their own mythologies which drew on real-world folklore but adapted it into Joss Whedon’s own – forgive me for using this cliché of an adjective – almost Lovecraftian mythos. In the Buffyverse, demon gods used to rule the Earth and magic was as natural a part of life as breathing. However, the Shadow Men created The First Slayer Sineya tens of thousands of years ago as a weapon to fight the demons and drive their gods from the Earth. Eventually, the last pure demon was defeated, but not before infecting a human with his spirit. This act created the first vampire.

In the Buffyverse, the pure demons and demon gods were driven to other dimensions and universes, where most of them remained for the rest of eternity, with a few notable exceptions. The demons in Buffy and Angel are descendants of pure demons, but they are mixed with other things, including humans. Rather than being the spirits of humans who had the humanity tortured out of them in Hell as they are in Supernatural they are more akin to the ‘monsters’ in Supernatural.

Bear with me, I will get to the point very soon. In spite of the existence of demons, ‘gods’, alternate dimensions, magic, and real evil in Buffy and Angel, there is no definite ‘Hell’ nor ‘Heaven’. There are bad places and good places, but there is no implication that ‘sinners’ go to the bad places and goodies go to the good places. It is a mythology completely separate to Christianity. This pleased me greatly.

The Superverse, however, is very much an Abrahamic universe. Or perhaps a Zoroastrian-Abrahamic one, since Abrahamic mythology is heavily influenced by Zoroastrianism. As such, there is a definite Heaven and a definite Hell in the Superverse. I could write tens of thousands of words about Dean’s deal to save Sam in 2x22 All Hell Breaks Loose Part II, the things which led to it, and the consequences thereof, but in 2008/2009, it did not work for me. The definite idea of Hell bored me, as well as the fact that I had seen characters going to ‘Hell’ several times in Buffy and Angel. For this reason, I unfortunately lost interest in Supernatural, and my DVDs eventually ended up being given to a friend (who still has them 11 years later).

However, a friend at university really liked the show. She liked it so much she bought a complete collection of Lovecraft’s work from Waterstone’s after watching the Lovecraft episode. One of my professors also mentioned the show once: he taught a course on the history of vampires in fiction, and used to talk about Buffy a lot. By 2015, few of the new students had watched Buffy, so he used Supernatural instead. I unfortunately did not get to attend that course (although I did get to do a bitching course on representations and influences of the Norse people and mythology in popular culture), but because people around me were mentioning it again, I decided to give it another go. After all, it was freely available on British Netflix at the time, I had enjoyed some of the show, and I had very fond memories of Jensen.

After a break of over six years, I started watching again with 2x01 In My Time of Dying. As I have written elsewhere, Jensen’s performance in this episode grabbed me by the viscera and he has refused to relinquish his grasp in the seven years since. He managed to portray Dean as both a charismatic and devilishly charming man with a Devil May Care attitude, whilst also giving Dean incredible depth, vulnerability, humanity, and relatability as a broken, hopeless man who loved everybody except himself. His performance in 2x20 and 2x22 was as good as anything Sarah Michelle Gellar ever gave us in Buffy, and he was just getting started.

While these analyses are chiefly about the show in general, it will not have escaped anybody’s notice that they are also heavily focused on Dean and Jensen’s performance. They are both analyses of Supernatural and character studies of Dean. I have stuck with the show because of him, nothing else. Misha is a great actor (when the show gives him lines, screen-time, and something to do), and Mark Shepherd did a fine job with what became an increasingly stupid character. But as far as I am concerned, Jensen is the show. I cannot talk about it without also talking about him. The plot of the show is frequently lacklustre and suffers from poor planning, the supposed main protagonist is either as dull as ditch-water or downright repellent, and it always seemed as though the show was at war with itself over what it wanted to be. I can forgive all of that, though, because Dean is in it, and Jensen did an incomparable job bringing him to life.

This episode is where I started watching Supernatural again. As I prepare this for posting, it is just over four hours until my thirty-first birthday. When I first made notes on this episodes, hoping to follow in Paula R. Stiles’ footsteps and one day to write and publish my analyses, it was December 2020, my first Christmas in a foreign country. It has now been almost fourteen years since I first watched Supernatural, and a little over a year since I wrote and published my first analysis. I have been looking forward to getting to this point, the first real milestone. So let’s get started!

The Part Where the Analysis Starts (and the Waffling Continues)

First things first: death. Throughout the course of The Show’s run, Dean and Sam die many times, their deaths being so frequent and numerous that their deaths becomes metaphors for spiritual deaths, metamorphosis, and change. This is in keeping with many mythologies and religions. One in particular which springs to mind is Celtic mythology, or more specifically accounts of Gaulish philosophy and beliefs around death as described by Ancient Greek sources. ‘Death is but a point in eternal life.’ The belief was that death in this world was only the death of the physical body, and that the spirit would be reborn in the Otherworld. Irish and Scottish traditions of holding a wake for several days after a death are intertwined with this ancient Celtic belief, though traditions of viewing the deceased and holding vigils are by no means exclusive to the northwestern fringes of Europe.

Few main characters’ deaths in the show are actual endings (one reason why 15x20 Carry On is a travesty) but death remains a source of anxiety, fear, pain, and loss. Once again, I must invoke Paula R. Stiles’s commentary: she has likened Dean to a Christ character. Not only does he take on the burdens and suffering of everybody around him, but he defies death by refusing to stay dead. He also suffers incredible survivor’s guilt, inferiority, and suicidal ideations, and when he meets Tessa again in 4x15 Death Takes a Holiday, he will indeed tell her ‘I wish I had gone with you’. Dean upsets the ‘natural’ order of life and death, as Jesus did in Christian mythology. However, Dean does not do this in order to upset the ‘natural order’, but rather to save others from suffering.

Dean also becomes the enemy of death, as Jesus is described. Castiel is credited several times within the show as being the one who broke the narrative by disobeying orders, but he did so because of Dean: Dean was always the source of chaos and disruption, like a boulder thrown into s stream. It does not want to be there, and it is not there of its own volition, but the flow of water is irreversibly changed regardless.

I believe it was once again Paula R. Stiles who made this comment (I do have my own ideas, I swear: it just so happens that loads of ideas I and she have had come together in this analysis and it would be bad to not give credit where credit is due) but the problem with Dean’s death in 15x20 Carry On was not the fact he died, but that he died for nothing. His death was meaningless, and undid all his character development. A (super-)natural end for his story would have been for him to pick up the scythe and become the next Death. He did, after all, spend time as a reaper in 6x11 Appointment in Samarra, and he was (as far as we know)the first reaper to be killed after Whatsherface whom Lucifer killed in 15x19 Inherit the Earth.

Here is a link to her review where this is discussed:

Had this been the case, The Show could still have had its gross, nostalgic, and weirdly incestuous death scene in the barn, and not have had 60% of the fandom hating the ending. Dean’s death could have meant something other than ‘If you suffer decades of trauma and suicidal ideation, just die. Heaven awaits, you can go there and be at peace’. (Dean’s death in 15x20 was indirect suicide, by the way: he allowed himself to die of a treatable wound, convince me otherwise.)

Anyway, I have decided that Death is going to appear to me in Dean-form when my time comes. This is just how things are going to happen.

Did you see the GIF? That. I cannot wait.

(For the sharp-eyed among you: yes, an archangel is apparently powerful enough to kill Death, but not God’s sister, even though Death outranks God.)

Perhaps Dean’s aforementioned chaotic, catalystic nature is why Death should take such an interest in Dean: he upsets the order, but at the same time wishes he had not done so (either that, or the same older-men-having-a-creepy-obsession-with-Dean through-line the show has. Thanks, Chuck). John died to bring Dean back to life, and Dean hated him for it (survivor’s guilt and bereavement), yet did not hesitate to do the same to bring Sam back to life, offering himself up as the metaphorical sacrificial lamb. This fascinates Death, and perhaps Death even saw somebody to take up his mantle if he should die.

Dean’s interactions with Death are among my favourite parts of The Show. The reason for this is that Death is never once shown as an antagonist (Billie notwithstanding), but rather an inevitable, inexorable certainty. Usually I am not a fan of the show’s demythologisation of monsters and deities and really wish Kripke would read something other than Neil Gaiman (I love Stardust, Coraline, and Odd and the frost Giants, but Neverwhere left me cool and I simply could not finish American Gods), but I have a very soft spot for a humanised Death who likes pizza and fast food, and who treats Dean like a favourite nephew. For all the bad in Supernatural, this is certainly a stroke of genius.

Death is part and parcel of the horror genre. Death is almost always depicted as something to be feared, run away from, and to have nightmares about. Some horror films also revolve entirely around horrible, painful ways of dying. Death itself is sometimes the main antagonist, such as the Final Destination films. This is completely understandable as the main driving urge of life forms is to avoid death at all costs. In spite of this, most life-forms have no concept of life and death, but rather run on instinct.

Humans, however, are different. We are aware of life, and are therefore aware that life ends. This is the cost of consciousness and awareness: the price of knowledge is the knowledge of death. Most people seem to spend their whole lives either avoiding the thought of their own death, or terrified of its inevitable approach. It is understandable that death be depicted as the horror of all horrors.

I am not scared of my own death. I do not want to die a painful death, but turning the lights off for the last time does not scare me. I do not believe in any kind of Hell or punishment after death, nor any kind of Heaven. I could be wrong, but I doubt there is anything other than nothingness on the other side of death. That is not too bad. I spent the first 13.4 billion years of the universe not existing, after all, and that did me no harm. (And see above RE: Ghostbusters!Dean).

Losing somebody is another matter altogether. In my analyses of 1x11 Scarecrow and 1x12 Faith, I briefly discussed losing a friend to suicide, as well as the impact of losing my uncle to suicide. I have lost other friends to suicide, and some of my friends have lost their friends in the same way (one of the reasons why Dean’s suicidal ideations and tendencies are so visceral for me). I suppose I used to fear death like anybody else, but losing a friend to suicide put an end to that. On the last flight I was on, the turbulence was really bad and my concern was not for me dying, but rather annoyance that I had only just got my hands on the Dean with Baby Funko Pop which was currently in the hold and would get utterly destroyed in an aeroplane crash. My friends would also have to find somebody else to look after their cats while they visited their families. If Death were coming to get me, fine: at least I would no longer have to worry about my future. But at the very least spare my Dean pop.

Depictions of death as an antagonistic, malevolent force do not do anything for me. Though J.K. Rowling’s name is mud at the moment for what definitely appears to be a strong dislike of trans women based in a deep-seated, trauma-based phobia of men, I still enjoy The Tale of the Three Brothers. Death in it is certainly tricksy, but only in a metaphorical sense. The eldest brother’s pride was his downfall, whereas the middle brother’s inability to cope with loss ended him. The third brother lived well and humbly, and eventually met Death as an old man, welcoming it as an old friend.

Similar concepts and struggles are present in Tolkien’s works, perhaps as a response to losing his parents when he was a child, and two of his closest friends in World War I. The elves are immortal, but their fate is to remain in the world until the end of time, unable to change or forget what came before whilst the world around them changes and moves on without them. Either they sail west to The Undying Lands, or they remain in Middle-Earth and fade away to nothing but powerless spirits. Men (with the older meaning 'humans', rather than 'adult male human', which is a newer meaning) on the other hand lead short lives full of change and happenings, and upon dying are released from the Earth and permitted to go… wherever it is men go. Many men wish they could stay longer, and many elves wish they could be released.

The fourth book of The Silmarillion, the Akallabeth, relates the story of Númenor, where men of the houses of the Edain were granted lengthened lives of up to 500 years as reward for their role in the wars against Morgoth during the First Age of Middle-Earth. However, though death was supposed to be a gift for the race of men, the Númenoreans grew jealous of the elves’ mortality (with Sauron whispering in the ears of their nobles towards the end). Eventually, a huge Númenorean fleet under the command of King Ar-Pharazon sought to take it for themselves by conquering Valinor, which they believed would make them immortal like the elves. This ended in disaster for the Númenoreans.

For those of you who do not care for Tolkien’s work, I will not apologise for that aside, but I will reassure you that it has a point.

Anne Rice wrote Interview with the Vampire after her infant daughter died of leukaemia. Naturally, the novel deals heavily with death, loss, and the afterlife, (as well as minority demographics and same-sex relationships, but that really is a different story). The vampires in Anne Rice’s novels are incapable of moving on from who they were at the time they died, and eventually grow weary of longing for a time and place which no longer exists. Armand (a red-haired Ukrainian ‘teenager’ in the novels) is the oldest ‘living’ vampire at the time Louis meets him some time at the end of the 1800s. Armand is roughly 400 years old at this time. The vampires in Anne Rice’s novels lose the will to ‘live’ and find ways to end their lives.

Humans are not meant to stay, and even those who are grow weary of life in a world which is ever-changing and forgetful. The immortal long to not be on Earth any more. This is why Dean’s interactions with Tessa appealed. Dean might have superficially seemed scared of the reaper at first, but as I said above, his fear was not for himself. 1x12 Faith showed clearly that Dean was willing to sacrifice himself to save others, and that he did not fear his own death. Dean is not scared of dying, and Tessa is not a malevolent force in this episode. She does not need to be: Dean is going to die, and all she need do is encourage him to let go and move on. She is not evil, but neither is she good. She just is.

At the beginning of the episode Dean wanted to live for other people, but after learning and accepting the futility of resisting death, he was ready to go. The ‘Yes’ was just behind his teeth. After all, had he chosen to remain, there was no way he could return to his body. Rather he would linger, lose his sanity, and become the kind of ghost he and his brother used to hunt

Then Azazel dragged Dean back to life at the last minute. His body was alive, but Dean was essentially dead. Not for the first or last time this begs a comparison to Buffy, particularly the end of series five and beginning of series six. Buffy dies, only to be resurrected and returned to Earth, a Hell compared to where she was before. She is forced to undergo a painful adjustment to life after accepting death, all the while engaging in self-destructive behaviour as part of depression and possible suicidal ideation.

This describes Dean as much as it describes Buffy. Dean let go, and effectively died at the end of the episode, only to be dragged back and burdened with the bereavement of John’s death and the responsibility of killing Sam. In 4x15 Death Takes a Holiday, Dean will tell Tessa he wished he had gone with her. Dean’s behaviour over the next few episodes make this very clear.

But discussions of the next few episodes can occur in their own analyses. This episode begins exactly where 1x22 Devil’s Trap finished, with Dean, Sam, and John in the remains of the Impala. The possessed man exits the lorry and goes to the car, presumably intending to ensure the Winchesters are dead. Sam pulls the colt out and points it at the demon, who does not seem perturbed at all, certain as he is that Sam is ‘saving the bullet for somebody else’. The colt is supposed to be terrifying to demons, as it is (at this point in the show) the only thing which can actually kill them. Rather than filling his pants with shepherd’s pie, the demons just does not care. This strips the colt of its power in the narrative: if the demon does not care, why should I?

Furthermore, the demon also seems utterly stupid, a problem which riddles demons (and angels) throughout the whole run of the show. This is something I noticed long ago, and Paula R. Stiles is in complete agreement: they make snarky comments and act bad-ass, but for the most part they are far less threatening than they are idiotic and annoying. They do not know when to stop talking and do something.

Moving swiftly on in case the stupidity is contagious, Sam stated in the final scene of 1x22 Devil’s Trap that the hospital was ten minutes away, yet in the second scene of 2z01, it appears as though many hours have passed and the emergency services still have not got any of the Winchesters to hospital. By the time John is in the ambulance and Sam is on the stretcher, Dean should be long gone and in intensive care. Emergency services would not have waited until everybody is out of the car before airlifting all of them at the same time.

Most of the medical and emergency service information such as that above is taken from Paula R. Stiles’ analysis of this episode. Rather than crediting her every time I refer to her review in this analysis, I will credit her in advance.

So begins the two main plots of the episode: Dean lingering on the edge of death, and John and Sam’s attempts at saving him. As the plots unfold, salient ideas and plot points are introduced which subtly set the scene for later in both series two and the show as a whole:

- Dean’s eventual resignation to death, or even his willingness to die

- deals with demons to resurrect the dead

- the secret John whispers to Dean before his own death

These are all elements which are critical to the advancement of the show past 2x21 All Hell Breaks Loose, and lay the groundwork for series three and four. I have said on more than one occasion that Supernatural is poorly planned and that the writers have frequently stated that they usually do not know how a plot line or a series arc will end. This being the case, the beginning of series two does a good job of at least looking planned. This is definitely a positive in this episode, and bodes well for series two, which is thematically and structurally stronger than series one.

Dean is doomed to die in this episode, as the doctor at the beginning makes clear to Sam with his signing organ donor papers comment. However, his attitude towards his fate is markedly different than in 1x12 Faith, where he offered no resistance to death, and even ran straight towards it. Here, he says very clearly ‘Screw you, doc, I’m waking up!’ What has changed?

His conversation with Tessa at the end of the episode makes it clear: his family needs him. Note that he never once says anything to her about wanting to live for himself, hoping for fat grandchildren or anything like that, but rather than he needs to do things for other people. He wants to return to life in order to protect John and Sam and defeat Azazel. Even in death, his identity is still all about other people.

Sam, too, wants Dean alive (strange, because often he seems like he would be so much better off if Dean were dead and Sam able to lead his own life. Was that not the entire point of the 15x20 Carry On?) and takes active steps to both communicate with him and to help him combat the reaper.

Something hinted at but underused in this episode was Sam’s psychic abilities: he repeated Ghost!Dean’s line about ‘laying some mojo’ on Dean almost verbatim, and caught echoes of Ghost!Dean talking and shouting at various points. On the one hand, I am glad that Sam was not able to directly communicate with or see Ghost!Dean, as this allowed Dean the separation and isolation necessary to go on his journey towards death. On the other hand, Sam had a vision of Dean’s death in 1x14 Nightmare and that caused him to display telekinetic powers, but Dean lingering on the edge of death here did nothing to enhance Sam’s powers. Something is a little off there.

John is an enigmatic figure in this episode. He does not cry, shout, beat his breast, or do much at all to betray his thoughts to anybody, and Sam of course sees this as indifference. Paula R. Stiles comments that John’s lack of visible emotion makes him seem cold and calculating. My own interpretation is that John finally realised how much he truly loved Dean. He was wracked with guilt over his treatment of his firstborn for the preceding twenty six years and had no way of expressing any of this. He is shown to stay at Dean’s bedside for hours, though sitting at a distance and not physically interacting with him. Compare this with, for example, Alec and Rachel at the end of Dark Angel 2x11 The Berresford Agenda for a stark contrast.

In my essay about John’s abuse of Dean, I compared him to Denethor in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Boromir was Denethor’s favourite son, and Boromir’s death (along with what Sauron had been showing Denethor in the palantir) broke him. Faramir – Boromir’s younger brother and Denethor’s younger son – was a disappointment to him, and Denethor showed him nothing in the way of love, care, or pride, until it was far too late.

This is what I see in John here. Certainly on the face of things it can be interpreted as a father’s act of love for his son, but given everything I have written about John and Dean in my analyses of series one, I do not see things this simply (whatever Jensen says about it). I also do not believe that what John did was a good thing, nor do I believe it redeems him. More on that later.

After trying to start another argument with John (at least if was on Dean’s behalf this time), Sam is sent to Bobby for ingredients for a protection spell. At Sam’s behest, Bobby had towed the Impala to his salvage yard, where he believes it is bound for the scrap heap. Sam, however, sees the Impala as a metaphor for Dean, and refuses to give up on it as long as one part is still working. Following this, he requests the ingredients from Bobby, who does not at all look pleased at what he sees on the list. It is not a ‘protection spell’, but rather a summoning spell. Whether or not this summoning spell is specific to Azazel, or whether it can somehow be adjusted to focus on summoning one particular demon, is not clarified. What is also not clarified is where John got the ritual from. Azazel is no grunt, so I struggle to believe low-level demon-summoning rituals will work on him, meaning an Azazel-specific summoning is the more rational conclusion. But if so, where did John get the ritual from?

Meanwhile, Ghost!Dean speaks to John in, asking him to help save him. John, of course, cannot hear his invisible son, an apt metaphor for their entire relationship. Dean – perhaps emboldened by his invisibility – allows his anger, sadness, and betrayal to come out. Not a single word out of Dean’s mouth is false. ‘Aren’t you going to do anything? ...I have done everything you’ve ever asked. ...What kind of father are you?’

And yes, it is time: Jensen’s acting, Dear Reader! Dear Reader, Jensen’s acting. That is all.

Sam returns from Bobby’s and starts an argument with John who he thinks wants to summon Azazel in order to have ‘some stupid, macho showdown’. As in 1x20 Dead Man’s Blood, John argues right back rather than keeping his cool, but this time he can be forgiven since his son is dying. Ghost!Dean bears witness to all this, growing more anxious and angry as the argument escalates. He does his best to shut them up by shouting (providing an insight into how communication worked in that family), but they cannot hear him (just like in 1x20). Perhaps because of his heightened emotions, he manages to knock the glass of water onto the floor, smashing it.

A moment later, he collapses in pain, clutching his chest. It is revealed that his body is having a heart attack, and a spirit (the reaper) is hovering over him. Sam hears echoes of Dean’s shouting as the reaper knocks him back. Not much comes of this after this episode, which is a shame. There was an opportunity for Sam to have access to the spirit plane as part of his powers, perhaps to even be able to astral project or easily communicate with spirits. This never comes to fruition, and I am left wondering whether the reason Sam heard Dean was not because of Sam’s powers, but rather Dean being an unusually strong spirit I am honestly not sure whether the writers even considered this, and nothing is ever made of this potential..

Soon after, Ghost!Dean is still wandering around the hospital. The cut scenes involved a pointless scene where Ghost!Dean considered watching a woman getting her breasts examined. This was silly, but an interesting aspect which was completely cut from the final episode was Dean seeing a dying man covered in blood on a stretcher in the corridor. How this fit into the overall story of the plot is not clear to me. Anyway, Dean soon witnesses a real death as the blonde nurse (or was she a receptionist? Or a doctor? I have no idea) dies alone on the floor in a private room. It is also not made clear what she died of. Paula R. Stiles wrote that it was an asthma attack, but I and several members of my family are asthmatic. Asthma definitely can kill, but the woman did not sound to me like she was dying of an asthma attack. Her voice was too clear, and there was no wheezing whine or rattle as air tries to pass through the tiny gap left in her inflamed throat.

My mother has been suffering with a flare up of asthma this year. My asthma can be bad, but hers was so bad that every breath sounded like a cold draught under a rattly, wooden door. The dementors in the Harry Potter films sounded like depression, but add to that the sound of one’s middle-aged mother about to have a possibly-lethal asthma attack, and it would be truly horrific.

Soon after this, Dean meets Tessa. Tessa is a reaper, but poses as a young woman to try to help Dean accept his death and move on (to Heaven, presumably). Tessa is not especially comforting or even all that patient with Dean, however, though neither is she entirely cold. After dropping the act, she is mostly matter-of-fact with Dean. This is hardly the treatment he deserves, but given reapers perform psychopomp duties numerous times a day for ever, it is understandable she comes across as reading from a script.

I am reaching the end of this analysis, so it is time to discuss John’s trade. The episode builds towards a suspenseful bit of drama wherein Dean is debating whether or not to go with Tessa, and John making a deal with Azazel to save Dean. The viewer does not want Dean to die, but the cost of Dean’s resurrection is the magic boom stick which is the only hope of killing Azazel. More on that in a moment: whilst this is a good bit of drama, it is also a stupid character moment.

Sure I can understand it on an emotional level, but John believed the colt was the only hope of killing Azazel: once he gave it up, he would probably never get it back and be unable to stop Azazel. Idiotic, but understandable.

However, John also agreed to trade both his own life and the colt for Dean. Certainly Dean is worth at least that, but the end result is that John would be dead and not have to deal with the problems his actions caused. Instead, his sons would be burdened with carrying on his fight because of actions he willingly took, almost definitely knowing said actions would make things harder for his sons. Furthermore, john would also be freed of the burden of becoming a filicide by making his son become a fratricide.

By his own confession, John knew a lot about Azazel’s plans for the psychic children. He knew enough for his last words to Dean to be something along the lines of ‘You might have to kill your brother’ (but also: ‘Look out for Sammy’, of course. It would not be prudent to die without first reminding your eldest son of what his only purpose in life is: to be his brother’s keeper). The viewer does not find this out until 2x10 Hunted when Dean finally tells Sam what has been bothering him, but this is what John said. John knew a lot of what was to come and the ugliness which would ensue, but he surrendered his own responsibility and fobbed it off onto Dean.

You should have let Dean die, John.

A casual viewer who is not paying much attention will of course miss much of this, and will simply see John put Dean’s well-being above his quest for revenge by sacrificing himself. The exact stipulations of the agreement between John and Azazel are left occult: it is unclear whether John explicitly knew and agreed to being dragged to Hell as opposed to simply ending his life to save Dean. If John did not know, it was an act of selfless love to end a life characterised by selfish disregard of his sons’ needs. If he did know, it is an even greater act.

At least from John’s perspective. The last two and a half decades of his life were spent grieving Mary, and, in spite of his ill treatment of Dean, the thought of losing him too was too much for John to bear. I can believe that - at least at that point - Dean’s life was more important to him than anything else, but in sacrificing himself to save his son, John shifted the burden of responsibility from himself to Dean. The things he knew about Sam were no longer his cross to carry, but rather Dean’s.

That said, does John’s sacrifice here make up for his twenty-three years of child abuse? My answer is no. Nothing could ever possibly make up for the damage he inflicted on his boys; what he did formed the men Dean and Sam are, and that cannot be ‘corrected’. I will use another example to illustrate my point.

Angel is a television show about a vampire cursed with a soul whose motivation is making up for all the suffering and death he caused as a soulless vampire. But there’s never a point where he’ll be able to say he’s saved enough people to counterbalance the multitudes he killed. It’s not a task with a set goal or deadline; it’s a commitment to being a different person and never going back to what was before. There can never be an end to his redemption, but rather his striving for unattainable redemption is his redemption. It is the legend of Sisyphus retold in modern dressing.

I do not believe John’s sacrifice redeemed him, but it could be seen as the first step on a long, long road. Some are very fast to forgive John everything for this, and would brush aside all my commentary either because it contradicts what they want to see or they are just not thinking about it all that deeply. John’s sacrifice does not make him father of the year or the best dad ever. I can understand his heart might have been in the right place for once, but even without hindsight it was the wrong decision. Trading the colt alone would have been a bad move, as it left him and his sons undefended against Azazel, but for the reasons discussed above, trading his life for Dean’s was a bad idea.

Kripke was going for something here. He wanted it to be a grand, sweeping, emotional moment where the father sacrifices himself for his son. However, he was clearly not paying enough attention to the story he was actually telling nor the characters involved, because he did not succeed in delivering what he apparently wanted. Doyle’s sacrifice in Angel was far more impactful, even though the episode it happened in was a hot mess. Buffy’s sacrifice in 5x22 The Gift was a brilliant ending to a well-constructed plot-arc. John’s death was… not.

I discussed in my essay on John’s abuse of Dean that Jensen’s acting was informed by him ‘believing Dean knew John loved him’. The only scene in the whole show where I can see Dean perhaps ‘knowing John loved him’ is in the penultimate scene of 2x01 In My Time of Dying. However, the scene in question shows their relationship was incredibly unhealthy, with Dean forced to take on the role and responsibility of a life-partner for John. That Dean had to comfort John as a child in a manner which a husband or wife should do was presented as something to warm our hearts and make us forgive John a little because he valued and loved Dean really is yet another example of Kripke not telling the story he intends to tell. I expect he wanted it to be a heart-warming moment, but it bordered on incestuous and revealed just how unfit John was to be a father.

That John was being kind to Dean, showing him pride and love, clearly deeply unsettled Dean (note, Dear Reader, that people are usually only kind and loving to Dean when either he or they are about to leave him). He did not believe it was John speaking, so strange was John’s behaviour to him.

This was John’s goodbye to Dean. Sam never got to say goodbye to John (well, expect in 14x13 Lebanon), as John sent him out of the room to get his some coffee while he laid the burden of fratricide on Dean. This is hard for Sam, but given the fact he had more in the way of restitution and redress from John between 1x16 Shadow and 1x22 Devil’s Trap, I can only care so much.

The episode ends with John’s death. Good riddance to bad rubbish. If you missed my post on John's abuse of Dean, you can read it here.

Thus endeth my twenty third analysis of Supernatural, and my first of series two. I have three hundred and two episodes left to go (plus the two god-awful episodes right at the end). My upload schedule will slow down soon because a) my summer holiday is over and b) I have resumed editing the second draft on my novel. I will continue writing and posting these analyses (even if nobody reads them), but I will soon go back to one every 1-3 weeks to give me time for other things. Wish me monsters.

#Youtube #edvard's supernatural guide #spn 2x01 #s02e01 #supernatural 2x01 #2x01 in my time of dying #dean winchester #john winchester #sam winchester #death #reapers #tessa #interview with the vampire #Tolkien #middle earth #the silmarillion #dark angel #spn meta #meta analysis

[scorbleeo]

Book Review: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

The Hunger Games (Book 0) by Suzanne Collins

Source: Google Images

It is the morning of the reaping that will kick off the tenth annual Hunger Games. In the Capital, eighteen-year-old Coriolanus Snow is preparing for his one shot at glory as a mentor in the Games. The once-mighty house of Snow has fallen on hard times, its fate hanging on the slender chance that Coriolanus will be able to outcharm, outwit, and outmaneuver his fellow students to mentor the winning tribute.

The odds are against him. He's been given the humiliating assignment of mentoring the female tribute from District 12, the lowest of the low. Their fates are now completely intertwined -- every choice Coriolanus makes could lead to favor or failure, triumph or ruin. Inside the arena, it will be a fight to the death. Outside the arena, Coriolanus starts to feel for his doomed tribute… and must weigh his need to follow the rules against his desire to survive no matter what it takes.

ISBN: 9780702309519 (2020) | Source: Goodreads

Snow's Villain Origin Story was Way More Tamed than Expected

It really took the movie trailer to be out (and yet I have not watched it) before my stubborn self was willing to pick up The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. I guess I was reluctant to even read the book despite already owning a copy of it because it was Snow's story. If you know The Hunger Games regardless when, you've probably watched the movies, read the books or did both, and you will know just how unlikeable President Snow is. Which was why I refused to touch my copy for the longest time, I did not need Snow's villain origin story to justify his actions in the trilogy.

But guess what. I started the book and suddenly I found myself reminding me endlessly it was Snow I was reading about. Yes, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes is Snow's villain origin story, there's no denying it. But the Coriolanus I read about here and the Snow I read about in the rest of the books, I can only (jokingly) say, I think age got to him. Coriolanus is annoying, especially in the beginning of this book but as you read on, you get to see just how smart he is and I hate to say this but, Coriolanus was very charming especially when he's ridden with insecurity yet he's still able to turn that insecurity into a weapon. In my opinion, I do believe if there were more chapters after the epilogue, I would have gone back to my usual Snow-hating self. Turning his insecurities into weapons only Coriolanus can wield is what made him so charming in the first place. However, as I reached the epilogue, I realised he's gotten almost everything he wanted and needed for him to fit himself into the president role he envisioned. From then on, Coriolanus started having that typical Snow confidence and that is why I know if the story continued, I would have no issue remembering Coriolanus is President Snow.

Moving on, I really thought I had to go through pages and pages of Coriolanus's mistreatment or traumas. I mean, isn't that usually how authors' create their villain origin stories? But Suzanne Collins did not do any of that. Sure, in Coriolanus, we see that indeed, evil is not born but made. Except in this case, nothing traumatic happened. Coriolanus did not go through a horrific childhood to become the monster he is as President Snow. And because of how Collins created Coriolanus, it made reading The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes so much easier, because there was simply no justification for diabolical President Snow. Everything that led to the events in The Hunger Games trilogy was all Snow's decisions, plain and simple. Yes, Coriolanus is very smart but unfortunately, he already views the world in a partial villain gaze and with the events (caused by his own actions) that led to the last chapter, it's no surprise that Coriolanus would become President Snow.

The only problem I had with this book was how rushed the ending felt, especially the last chapter. I also understand that because of how the book ended, there were still so many questions left unanswered. However, weirdly enough, I am completely fine with those questions left unanswered and I am hoping Collins leave them as it is too.

Seriously though, Collins did SO good at ignoring fans' requests to write books about certain tributes and whatnot. I really do not want a book just to answer those unanswered questions in The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. In some ways, it makes this book even better and more real, in the sense that it feels like a real Coriolanus Snow autobiography on his youth.

Reading this really brought back so much memories of those days when I was deep in The Hunger Games world. It reminded me why I even loved the trilogy and that genre in the first place. Not gonna lie, I have high hopes for the film.

Rating: ★★★★☆

P.S.: With or without a certain doctor, Coriolanus was still going to be President Snow but I actually believe that if he had become President Snow without said doctor in his life, he might not have been as cynical as he was during the Katniss timeline. That being said, though infuriating, that said doctor was one of the most interesting characters in this book.

#book review #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #the hunger games #suzanne collins #coriolanus snow #president snow

[down-thedrain]

Ok so . Alberta Weezer. HAKLRJTLKA

Cw ahead of time for anyone else for child abuse n inhumane experiments death everything in that range basically . Also this is obviously abridged I'm one autisitc cat speaking take this all with some salt and homosexuality

Ok so <3 Albert Wesker !! To start off things there's the umbrella corporation, which is a pharmaceutical company started by a few guys but most notable rn is Spencer. As expected by a giant company they're fucking Evil Actually and Spencer strives to find out how to become immortal ! Fun. He discovers a virus that can grant someone super powers basically, if they survive it. It has a VERY low chance of not killing it's host and even if it doesn't it almost always leads to the subject being terminally ill. So ofc he decides the best way to test this out is to kidnap a bunch of kids based on their genes (basically set to be super smart from birth or whatever) and raise them to be perfect. The top 13 kids from this program, which while not gone into detail in canon is implied to be.. as bad as you'd expect and Albert's hatred of Spencer says a lot too BUT back to the virus shit. As a late teen Albert and his adoptive sister, Alex, who was also part of the experiment are against their will injected with the progenitor virus.

Albert and Alex are the only kids to survive the virus, Alex is left terminally ill and Albert... Is a success. For note Alex was the top in the project, Albert was the second. Wesker also isn't their real last name, project Wesker is where he gets his last name from as they gave all the kids that last name. ANYWAY after this, Albert having gotten a degree in virology by this point at the age of 17 because he's a super smart guy, he's then taken to study at the umbrella training facility up in the Appalachian mountains while Alex stays and works close with Spencer.

The head of the facility is fucking horrible, Dr Marcus experiments on his own students in. Very very horrible ways. Iron maidens, gas chambers, dissections, anything to study the way the body reacts to the new virus he created from the one Albert was given.. the T Virus. Albert is spared mostly from these experiments as he is deemed important to umbrella and made a head researcher by Marcus ! Along side other child prodigy William Birkin :] !! William is Albert's one friend ever basically, they meet at the facility and remain friends up until well. We'll get there. There's also only one bedroom for the chief researchers which is really suspicious what do u mean Capcom gay p

ANYWAY! Eventually Spencer gets too worried about Marcus betraying him and hires him to be assassinated and William and Albert r like ^^ yahoo yippie!!!!!!!!!! And participate in it and watch him die and everything but it's resident evil so he doesn't stay dead. BUT THATS NOT IMPORTANT RN William takes his research on the T virus and him and Albert go to work at umbrella for reals this time as the facility is shut down.

They work together, making plans to betray umbrella together. William creates his own virus, the G virus, and Albert goes undercover in the local cities police station as the captain of their special unit STARS. Wesker skips around with his team and they're silly and he says he never cared for them but he's really bad at showing that then HAKFJSKSN. Eventually Wesker goes through with his side of the plan, leading STARS back to the old mansion to test out the T virus's power and see if the monsters it creates can best military trained personal. William meanwhile is still perfecting G.

Things however don't go as planned because Wesker for Some Reason decides not to kill Chris Jill and Rebecca and instead leads them around and monologues to them at the end and Chris calls him pathetic it's super funny. Wesker gets pissed at being called out on his pathetic behavior and releases the T virus's greatest creation, a Tyrant. However the tyrant turns on him, impaling him and flinging him across the room.

There Albert is left assumed dead but thanks to his silly little virus he doesn't die. Chris and co kill the tyrant and escape while Wesker starts his recovery and.. gasps... His eyes turn orange and his pupils change to cat puipls. Catboy time I guess. Umbrella found out his ass was betraying them and locks him out and is SUPER pissed. This leads to them also finding out about Williams side of the coin, which leads to his assassination like.. two weeks later I believe.

That is when re2 happens aka the racoon city outbreak because Birkin spills evil virus chemicals everywhere after he's shot HEOTJSKA oops ! He also, before he dies, injects himself with the G virus in hopes he'll survive... He is not compatible. Williams body is slowly overcome with flesh and bone and muscle and eventually his body is no longer even visible in the mass of flesh. Its unknown how long he was sentient during this, but eventually he is for sure dead.

During all the chaos of this, near the end of things Wesker saves agent Ada Wong from death and offers her to work for him again, as she was his spy already, and she says yes. They leave racoon city before it's nuked due to the unstoppable zombie outbreak, and this begins Weskers real supervillain bitch arc.

Next game in his timeline is code Veronica but I haven't finished that game yet so I don't know everything oops ! Him and Chris fist fight though and he gets burned at the end and laughs evily and skips off I know that .

After that he shows up again in re4, where he's not actually there but cameos through phone calls with Ada as she works to get him a sample of the plagas parasite for his evil plans. In the original re4 he also has Leon Kennedys crazy (ex) old co worker working for him but in the remake Krauser works for the cult so shrugs pick ur poison. Either way, Ada ends up betraying him because she kinda goes ok ur a little crazy dude . And like yeah no shit . HELFKDPALALB he's pissed but like oh well he makes do

Now we get to his last game he shows up in re5 which I .also haven't finished HAODKGPSJALA THSRES A LOT OF GAME S but I do know a lot of what happens. Kinda. Wesker kills Spencer at the bastards mansion, but not after Spencer tells him Wesker was never important and was simply a stepping stone in Spencer's plans to become a god and that his ideals and plans were all his instilled at a young age into him. Wesker gets pissed and rips his heart out mortal combat style and then Chris and Jill show up and are like CUNT !! BIYCJ!!! and they fight Jill shoves Wesker out a window and they both fly out into the ocean sad anyway cut uh sometime later. Ofc they're both alive and Wesker has Jill working for him now as he plans to release the virus HE created the oroborus virus in his plans to basically kill everyone who isn't compatible with the virus because ? Idk tbh he's just having a hashtag girl moment idk man . There's also excella who is his right hand but she wants him really badly but he does Not like her back at all the scenes r so awkward I hate it

Anyway yeah as expected Chris shows up they have their weird gay fights and banter and all that, Chris and Jill stop his stupid plan and he gets super pissed and fuses with oroborus himself and attacks them. They end up in a volcano ? Idk how Chris punches bolders n shit in there and they knock Wesker into the lava at some point and he's like uhm this won't kill me and they're like ok and blow him up with rocket launchers THE END ding dong the bitch is dead . He is actually dead this time, sadly, because he's a fun and also funny villain .

Good lord I'm so sorry this is so much does this even make sense ? I don't know. <3

sorry i had to read this like 3 times in order to get it (my reading comprehension is terrible) but holy shit hes a fucked up guy ....... i love that he just has a whole joker arc after his manguy dies i think thats funny. hes so weird

#posts in a drainage system #i also think his cat eyes r cool. shoutout HEHAVRKAHSRK #sorry i dont have a lot of commentary BUT I DO THINK HES VERY NEAT can he be my blorbo in law #i would play the resident evil games but unfortunately there are More Than Eight Of Them and that is simply too much #but now i will think of it and think of your funny guy ...... and my funny centipede thing (from my horror game) #WOOOOOOOOOOO

[gnosticreign-a]

IL CAPITANO, a history.

a long time ago, there were two brothers, a seer and a farmer. they lived in a small village, working together with their community in order to maintain their humble lifestyles. the seer brought items to market to sell them, as well as entertained the guests who would visit their home; meanwhile, the farmer preferred the outdoors and the company of the animals he worked with.

the village lived in harmony. no one went hungry, everyone knew each other, and everyone was happy. travelers would often pass through, leaving after a night or two at the inn, and change was rare within the village.

that is, until the alchemist arrived.

she required a home for some time, and the seer wished to help her out. to prove her claims, she helped the farmer one day, and their harvest would soon be tripled. everyone was amazed, and the seer and farmer were lauded on their kindness to the alchemist and the rewards that they had reaped.

indeed, the alchemist was quite grateful, and wished to further aid the brothers during her stay. the farmer’s crops would result in similarly large harvests; meanwhile, the seer was taught about alchemy, and even helped to improve the quality of their animal products.

yet, there was one thing the alchemist spoke of that the seer wished to learn, oh so dearly: to make the perfect human.

she promised the seer that this would be his final lesson, the lesson that she would give him before leaving the village. what she did not tell him, though, was that she was very much experimenting on this process still, and had a recipe she had planned to test. her student, now almost as well-versed as she in the art of khemia, would work well with it.

days after the alchemist gave the seer her notes, she kept to her word, soon bidding farewell, lingering outside of town to see how the results would turn out.

the seer was eager to begin, and convinced the farmer to aid him. “when this succeeds, then you will never have to work again!” and soon, despite the farmer’s doubts and concerns, he relented out of love for his brother.

a grand mistake.

with alchemy, something can never come from nothing; to make condensed resin, one must have resin to form it; to make a potion, one must have certain ingredients in order to prepare it.

to create a human, let alone a perfect one? it would require all of the materials a human body could have. the seer, unwittingly, had led his brother into providing those materials: his own body.

by the time the seer realized this, it was already far too late. his brother’s screams of excruciating pain rang in his ears, and when the dust settled, the creature that stood before him looked nothing like a human.

no, this was a monster. a monster with his brother’s voice, who pinned him down and screamed at him, words that any person would feel crawling into their chest and tearing them apart.

“what have you done? what did you do to me?!”

the seer, not knowing what to do, begged for time to fix it. despite this, the look in his brother’s eye already signalled that this was all for naught. there was no mercy left in the monster that had once been a humble farmer, not a reason that could come to the creature’s mind to let his brother repeat such a horrific mistake.

and so, the seer was brutally murdered, ripped to unrecognizable shreds.

it didn’t take long for the brothers’ neighbors to attempt approaching when the screams had died down. what had gone on? were the brothers dead? oh, one of them were alive, but the townsfolk couldn’t see that with the creature that lingered at the brothers’ home.

however, in an attempt to slaughter the monster, the monster slaughtered them all. the farmer had known it would have been himself or everyone else, but his improved form and instincts had left him with little choice.

returning to the remains of his brother, he found his brother’s eyes having rolled into different directions, and soon picked them up. it was then that the farmer discovered that he could attach another person’s eyes to his body, as well as see out of them. the pair that were once his brother’s were placed near his own; the dead villagers would have a single eye plucked out of each.

for many centuries after that, the monster that had once been the farmer lingered. he tended to the crops, occasionally slaughtering an animal that had to be put down, but travelers who approached would soon meet an untimely end. an eye would be plucked from each of his victims, before he would either use the bodies as fertilizer -- or simply consume it himself.

eventually, though, the tsaritsa would learn of this creature, one whose name was lost to time, but still performed the routines that a man would have once performed. she disguised as a mortal and approached the farmground.

she did not intend to shelter, but to draw the creature out, and so it would soon approach. yes, the monster thought of her as a pitiful and foolish sort, but the tsaritsa would reveal her true self, and the two would fight until the tsaritsa had a blade of ice at the creature’s throat.

and then, only then, did he submit.

she took him under her wing, naming him “il capitano” and giving him a rank among the fatui harbingers. the formal training that was to follow was to put his improved physique and reflexes to good use, but he took to it like a fish to water.

and so, brought forth from the lowest point of humanity, il capitano would soon become a fierce and merciless combatant, a genius at tactical assaults, and would have been a warlord were he not loyal to the tsaritsa and her desires.

#— ❛❛ // 𝐫𝐢❜𝐚𝐡 ¦ ᶦⁿ ᵗᵒᵒ ᵈᵉᵉᵖ ᵗᵒ ᵍᵒ ᵇᵃᶜᵏ ᵃᵍᵃᶦⁿ ・ 「 ooc post ! 」 #— ❛❛ // 𝐢𝐢𝐢. 𝗶𝗹 𝗰𝗮𝗽𝗶𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗼 ¦ ˢʰᵉ ᵗᵃᵘᵍʰᵗ ʰᶦᵐ ᵗᵒ ᶜᵃʳᵛᵉ ᵐᵉ ᶦⁿᵗᵒ ᵃ ᶠᵒʳᵗᵘⁿᵉ ・ 「 headcanons ! 」 #cannibalism cw #murder cw #fratricide cw #[[ had to quickly change the title bc of course spoilers happened ]]

[fumikomiyasaki]

"Hurry! Take my hand" with James and Carol in the magical girl au

Shining Armor

(I actually wanna do a full scene of the situation we talked about on discord, a bit differently)

An attack at the Wanotori School got the Magical girls group in more problems given they had to protect their classmates while fending of the monsters and although some students tried to defend it was much to do. The girls split up and Prism Flora aka Carol moved to the club buildings to help the students there fend of an Elephant like monster... among those students was James who tried to protect some students with his Kendo sword... many of the other students were already knocked out or too scared to fend back. And so Prism Flora arrived at the scene using one of her seed bombs to drive the elephant away from them... however her vines couldn’t fully cover it and so despite picking a good fight and distracting it One hit from its trunk and she got smashed into the wall in the back. James was worried about her and tried to dodge the monster to protect her... however looking at her... the visor was broken and her hair was suddenly brown instead of green... it seemed familiar... a bit too familiar... and so he put things together.

“Carol? No Flora? are you alright?” She slowly gained conciousness but noticing her disguise is broken she wanted to run away but got stopped by him... She sighed and turned around to him.

“I am sorry for fooling you... yes I am Prism Flora, the magical girl but also... I am Carol... the Carol you knew from school... I am just that plain girl you knew not that magical girl you admired...”

“Thats not true... I am glad that... my crush wasn’t for two girls but just one...”

“W-wait what?”

An explosion rised from behind them as they both got dragged back to reality.... She couldn’t focus on him for now, she created another visor via her magic to hide her face and hair again and then offered him her hand.

“Hurry! take my hand! We will save them together...”

“R-right.” He did as she said and Held her hand as she asked Ryo to activate her wings and Fly there.... The students were still fine as they arrived but the Elphant destroyed more things in blind rage... Carol felt something like a glimmer coming from the hand she held with James...

“What is this?... I feel a bit stronger now.”

He noticed it too and griped it a bit more firmly...

“If it helps then I will lend you my power... lets defeat it together.”

“A-alright...” Her face was visibly red... she still thought about what he said but she couldn’t ask now... as she charged another seed bomb it suddenly turned much bigger and bigger, finally able to cover  the whole monster and destroy it...

As both landed back on the ground again, both hands still held with his...

“It seems we made it... Thanks for the help... um... about what you said before... did you mean it that you had a crush on me?”

“I did for a long time... but since as Flora you saved me a lot I was torn between the two... but I think I actually like your real identity more... You're smart, kind, a badass, and gorgeous. You....really are everything a guy would want.“

Hearing this from him her face got more red.... she took off her visor and leaned to him to kiss him...

“I am glad you feel the same as I... but.... for now I guess we should help the students...”

“Its fine I will carry them to safety, help your comrades for now.”

“Then I will see you later, take care of yourself.”

She smiled brightly and then left to find the others of her team.

_____________________________________________________________

#twisted wonderland oc #twst oc #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland ocs #twst #disney twst #twistedwonderland #twistedwonderlandoc #twst ocs #twisted wonderland fanschool #carol ann #carol x james #magical girl au