#(i mean i head canon it differently but lo and behold canon has spoken on the matter) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jeniffercheck · 6 months

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light blue (nothing's gonna stop me now)

shivlina fic exchange: exposed affair with a side of shiv becoming twitter's rich white lady of the month, s2 canon (until it's not), set during 'safe room' - 2x04, shivlina are established affair partners.

words: 7.7k

read here or on ao3

for @shivvroys<3

“Do you have a Goodreads?”

Shiv pauses in the bed. Karolina’s been scrolling through her phone, laughing every so often at a cat video that she desperately needs to show Shiv right now, asking her if she’s heard about some absurd foreign news that Karolina gathers from the pits of Reddit.

(Because Shiv desperately needed to know that a rolled truck in Canada covered an entire highway in celery.)

It’s the worst part of the night, when the hours turn into minutes and the minutes to seconds, and every passing moment becomes one less that they get to breathe the same air. One less that they get to sit next to one another and exist in their small bubble, away from all the bullshit that makes up their lives.

“What?” Shiv asks, flopping her head to face Karolina.

“A Goodreads account,” Karolina says. “Do you have one?”

“Yeah,” Shiv says. She shifts closer to Karolina, trying to get a better look at her phone. “Why?”

Karolina shifts the device into Shiv’s view. “I think you’ve been discovered.”

“What?” Shiv rips the phone out of Karolina’s hand, eyes quickly scanning the screen. It’s her account, and the numbers do look suspiciously higher than usual. She grabs her own phone and opens the app, and lo and behold, hundreds of notifications have rolled in throughout the day. Likes and comments on her reviews, followers on her account. She’s not not used to it, her Twitter and Instagram receiving a healthy amount of engagement compared to the average user, but those are staged. This is…fucking embarrassing.

“How the hell did they find this?” she grumbles, clicking through some of the followers.

“I don’t know,” Karolina says. “Maybe the one-star and very detailed review of that unauthorized biography on your father was a good hint?”

“My review?” Shiv asks, scrolling through her page.

“I mean,” Karolina continues, “I don’t think the words, ‘My dad,’ were very helpful in keeping yourself anonymous.”

It appears on Shiv’s screen, a review logged last week. Sloppy, choppy, and boring as hell—she deletes it before she has time to read the rest.

“Oh my god,” she says, covering her face with her hands. “I was drunk when I wrote that.”

“Well, you’re a tough critic when you’re plastered,” Karolina says. Shiv’s mouth curls upward in disbelief as she unveils herself to Karolina, who seems to be fighting a smirk of her own. Shiv can’t contain her laughter as she drops back onto the bed, and Karolina follows, perched on her elbow next to Shiv’s head.

“What are the optics on this?” Shiv asks. The last thing she needs is to start an internet war with some E-List author. Karolina pulls her phone back in front of her, the screen flashing as she swipes through different apps, her nails making that grating tapping sound that pisses Shiv off when she’s trying to go to sleep.

“Uh—” Karolina pauses, zooming in on something. “Well, looks to me like you’ve just become the internet’s newest white girl of the month.”

“The what?”

“I mean, just look—” Karolina holds out her phone again, urging Shiv to read whatever’s on the screen, Twitter coming into view as Shiv does so. She scrolls through a variety of tweets, phrases like feral and deranged and mommy punching through. “They’re going crazy over you.”

@evermores: Does anyone else think Shiv Roy and Nate Sofrelli had something going on?

↳ @dazzlinghaze: why do you know random ass Gil staffers

↳ @evermores: Spoken like a fake fan.

↳ @notromanroy1: they were definitely boning

@milfhotline: I mean I know she probably steals money but she’s hot, so.

↳ @moonhaven: ???

↳ @Ryan2334657: Her dad is Logan Roy. Definitely a family of thieves.

↳ @moonhaven: sorry are you their bank? maybe she hates him. we don’t know

↳ @milfhotline: oomf out here defending a capitalist?

@candlenights: I don’t care what y’all say. Shiv Roy is my new Caroline Calloway. If she wants to steal, let her. Who am I to deny a woman her wrongs?

“Why the fuck do they all think I’ve stolen money?”

“You’re a Roy. It obviously means you commit wire fraud for breakfast,” Karolina says, scrolling through more tweets. “You should reply to one of them. Fan the flames.”

“Why would I do that?”

Fanning the flames sounds like the opposite of what her years of PR experience have told her.

“It would look good, engaging with the culture,” Karolina argues. “You know ATN’s viewership is sixty-eight percent senior citizens? Imagine if you brought in the youth. Your father would salivate.”

Shiv sits up, looking at Karolina doubtfully. “You, Karolina Novotney, want to brainwash the youth with ATN?”

Karolina shrugs, that hint of a smirk still visible on her face. Shiv scoffs playfully.

“Fuck you. You just want to see what would happen.”

“Fine,” Karolina concedes. “Sue me.”

“Yeah,” Shiv says, leaning over to press a kiss on Karolina’s forehead before getting out of the bed. “You couldn’t afford that.”

Karolina gasps, throwing a pillow at Shiv. “Whatever,” she says. “I just think it would be a good temperature check. Organic.”

“Well, I’m not engaging,” Shiv says. “I’m disengaging, if anything. I’m deleting my Goodreads and leaving the rest to their imaginations.”

“Their imaginations certainly are impressive,” Karolina says, grimacing at her phone.

“What is it?” Shiv asks.

“I thought you were disengaging?”

Shiv rolls her eyes. “I am.”

“You’re no fun,” Karolina says, pouting as she stands, but Shiv walks back over to her, lightly pushing Karolina back on the bed.

“You hang around me because I’m fun?” she asks, hovering over Karolina. She stops just as she reaches Karolina’s lips, and Karolina’s breath hitches. It’s then that Karolina’s laptop chimes from the other end of the room, and both of them sigh, an unwelcome reminder that their time for the night is officially coming to a close.

“You’re so much fun,” Karolina says before she leans up, stealing a chaste kiss from Shiv’s lips. “What time is Tom expecting you?”

Shiv sighs, rising once again.

“Thirty minutes ago,” she says. She walks into Karolina’s bathroom, pursuing her things that are already there. It all feels so simple, having a toothbrush in Karolina’s holder, having pajamas in her drawers. It’s a second life, sure, a home away from home, but it doesn’t feel any less real than the other parts, the parts where wakes up in the middle of the night and wonders why Karolina’s hands feel so big, why her sink looks so different. She washes her face, pushing the thought away for another time.

“Shiv,” Karolina says, her accusatory tone following Shiv into the bathroom.

“What?” Shiv asks, drying her face. “He’s fine. Mondale’s there.”

Karolina’s silent as she leans against the door frame, watching Shiv freshen up. It’s one of the more humiliating parts of the routine, running home to her husband who thinks she’s well on her way to becoming the next Head of PR for Waystar, guiding his eager mouth through the dark to her already-bruising breastbone, lest he think the marks came from anyone other than himself. Karolina looks at her sadly. It doesn’t happen often, but it’s annoying when it does, the sour mood or separation catching them both by its vicious claws.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Karolina asks. She asks at least once a week. Shiv would find it endearing if it didn’t make her feel entirely suffocated by just the thought of her actions.

“I told you, we have an arrangement,” Shiv says.

“And you’re not lying to me?”

Shiv sighs. She’s not lying, not really. She and Tom do have an arrangement. She stays out of Tom’s business—not that he even makes an effort to participate—and he stays out of hers. It’s simple, and she wants it to stay that way, but still, a part of her knows things with Karolina have gone outside the parameters of the arrangement. So, she’s not lying, but she isn’t quite sure where the truth fits just yet.

“I’m not lying,” Shiv says. “And Tom doesn’t own me. If I’m late, I’m late.”

“Alright,” Karolina says, voice still weary.

“What, you want to get rid of me so soon?” Shiv teases.

“I wouldn’t let you hog my sheets all the time if I wanted to get rid of you,” Karolina says.

“I do not.”

“Prove it,” Karolina challenges, and Shiv laughs.

“Should I set up the cameras before, or after we fuck?” Shive asks, facing the mirror. Karolina laughs, but it’s small and she replies by hugging Shiv from behind and resting her chin on Shiv’s shoulder. They lock eyes through the mirror.

“Stay over tonight,” Karolina says.

It’s an easy ask, as easy as anything else Karolina ever asks Shiv to do for her, and a rare one at that, and it tugs at Shiv the way it always does when she has to deny Karolina of something that she wants. Karolina, a never-ending stream of goodwill and wonder, Shiv, a constant disappointment.

“What do you get out of this?” Shiv suddenly asks, and Karolina doesn’t hesitate with her response.

“I get you.”

“But—” Shiv stammers, unsatisfied by the answer. “Like, what do you get out of it?”

Surely Shiv is not the prize. She’s a consolation, a means to an end. Karolina should be lucky to have her, sure, but when luck runs out, what’s left? Shiv is convenient.

“You make me feel normal for a little while,” Karolina says. “Like I’ve finally done something right. You do.”

It feels like a cosmic joke, Karolina saying that Shiv makes her feel right when Karolina makes Shiv feel as though she’s done everything wrong, her mere presence causing Shiv to rethink every action she’s ever taken to lead up to their interactions. Not that it’s Karolina’s fault. It’s a mess that Shiv’s made, one she knows she has to clean up soon, before it all comes crashing down on her.

“Not what you wanted to hear?” Karolina asks, looking nervous in Shiv’s silence. Shiv reaches up to grab Karolina’s hand, squeezing it as she smiles softly.

“Just—not what I expected,” she says.

“What did you expect?” Karolina asks.

“I dunno,” Shiv says. “Maybe that my financial crimes get you off.”

Karolina’s lips curve gently, and a soft laugh escapes her. Shiv knows she’s laughing because Shiv wants her to. Because Shiv has to leave in fifteen minutes and if they get into it now, if they let their emotions get any further, they might go places they can never come back from. Shiv turns around, connecting their foreheads. By the time she leaves, Karolina is back to some late-night work, and Shiv, back to Tom.

—

The first thought Shiv has when the gunshot goes off, is that it doesn’t really sound like anything at all. One second she’s playing Connect the Dots while being babysat by the Old Guard, and the next she’s being rushed off through the executive floor to a safe room that she isn’t really sure is all that safe, given the fact that they’re on the top floor of a high rise in the Financial District, distinctly known for having zero issues involving life-endangering events and fucking high rises.

She stumbles her way through an increasingly irritating phone call with Tom, something about the wrong safe room and she realizes that she doesn’t have a clue where Karolina is, right safe room or wrong safe room, and she still doesn’t know if there’s a shooter in the building, and she still doesn’t know where she stands with Dad, and she doesn’t know shit about anything, because everybody wants to keep her around but nobody wants to keep her in the loop.

“Where’s Kendall?” her dad is immediately asking, winded and wilting, and only ever concerned about her older brother.

“I don’t know,” Shiv says. It doesn’t seem like the correct time to remind him that she’s not Kendall’s keeper, and she’s also got bigger concerns on her mind. “Were you with Karolina? Have you seen her?”

“Karolina?” he repeats, and at first, it’s a quickening of Shiv’s heart rate, wondering if she’s somehow said too much, gone too far, but then it’s a dismissive wave of her father’s hand, a welcome sign that she hasn’t completely screwed anything up just yet. “Get on the phone with her—figure this fucking mess out.”

She does, retreat to a corner and call Karolina several times, her pulse beating harder with every passing ring. It’s not until the third try that Karolina actually picks up, just as Kendall and Gerri enter the room, and she still has enough time to roll her eyes as her dad greets Kendall, his golden boy returned safely to the throne room.

“Shiv?” Karolina’s voice comes through the receiver.

“Karolina,” Shiv sighs, relieved. “Where are you?”

“I was on a lower floor dealing with a small fire—we were evacuated right away,” Karolina says. “I’m with the news crew now, they’re prepping to go live from outside. Where are you?”

Shiv looks around. Kendall doing God knows what in the bathroom, Rhea and Dad looking awkward as all fuck on the couch, Colin hovering creepily. Gerri, it seems, is heading right for Shiv.

“In the Kensington Palace of panic rooms,” Shiv says, losing her words with every step Gerri moves closer. “I just wanted—we, wanted to check in on the response. And I—you’re safe? With the protestors outside?”

“I’m pretty sure ANTIFA is the least of our safety concerns,” Karolina mumbles, her voice getting quieter as Shiv cups the phone, Gerri stopped in front of her, gesturing to the phone.

“Can I speak with her?” Gerri asks.

Shiv has half a mind to say no. Wants to take herself and her phone and Karolina’s voice and lock it all away from others. Wants to touch her hand and make sure it’s real, that Karolina’s right where she says she is, outside of Waystar HQ, prepping some corporate shill with eyelashes far too long for national news to tell the whole world that everything’s fine, that there’s a shooter inside of their workplace but they’re all fine because this is America and guns are our friends.

Instead, she holds her phone out to Gerri. She’s at least grateful to be rid of the vibrations from Tom’s texts coming through every twenty seconds.

“How’s it looking out there?” Gerri asks into the phone. She eyes Shiv and then turns her back, mumbling a yes, and a no, and a no, we’re not legally liable, and a yes, they can say that on-air, and when Gerri turns back around, she looks as though she’s about to hang up, and if things were different—if Shiv weren’t trapped in a room with five people who definitely can’t know that Karolina is anything more to Shiv than a corporate sounding board—she’d get Gerri to stop. She’d rip the phone out of Gerri’s hands and take Karolina back.

Except, Gerri pauses. Her eyes flash suspiciously at Shiv, and she bids Karolina goodbye before handing the phone back, Shiv, using everything in her power not to look as desperate as she feels.

“Shiv?” Karolina says. “You there?”

“I’m with you,” Shiv says, trying her best to sound inconspicuous. Dad, Kendall, and Rhea are still deep in talks, but Gerri’s ears are her, even if she’s pretending they aren’t.

“I stepped away for a moment,” Karolina says. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, we’re all good here,” Shiv says. “I’m glad we got in touch quickly. It’s best if we get a statement out soon.”

“I was worried,” Karolina says, and Shiv bites the inside of her lip. “When they said there’d been shots fired, you know, I-I didn’t know—”

“Uh-huh,” Shiv cuts her off. “You’re right, we should wait a little. Don’t want to sound too haste.”

There’s a bit of silence on the other end, and Shiv feels bad. Feels awful, actually, because she’s worried too but she can’t show that. Not right here, not in front of everyone. She can’t cry or panic, can’t tell Karolina that if something had happened to her it would’ve been the end of Shiv, that the entire time she was speaking to her husband the only thing that was on Shiv’s mind was Karolina. She can’t tell Karolina any of this, ever.

“Can I see you tonight?” Karolina then asks.

It’s small and slightly hesitant, and feels far too fragile for the circumstances, feels too fragile to be aimed at Shiv. She can’t help it. Shiv might explode if she has to deny Karolina anything ever again.

“Yes, of course,” she says. “I’ll send you the details when we’re out of here.”

“Okay, Shiv. Be safe,” Karolina says, and it feels like the words are hanging, like there are so many more they should be saying that are inhibited by time and space and circumstance, and Shiv can’t help when the spell is broken, when she forgets that she isn’t the only person in the room and her lips curl to say something irrevocable, until at the last second she looks at Gerri, perceptive eyes still plainly on her and she does remember. The destructive words swallowed, and replaced with a cordial, “You too.”

She avoids Gerri’s gaze as she hangs up, opting to read through the abundance of texts from Tom that she’s received within the last twenty minutes. He’s going to be stuck at ATN all night, and the paperwork is, “Horrendous,” considering the shooter was revealed to be one of his employees. She schedules a car for Karolina and a separate car for herself, both to be taken to her apartment. It doesn’t feel entirely right, but it doesn’t feel wrong either, wanting to just sit on her own couch in her own place and bask in the silence with Karolina.

“What did Karolina want from you?” Gerri asks suddenly, voice quiet so as not to interrupt the Boys Club still trying to land a deal.

“Uh—just wanted my opinion on some words,” Shiv says. “That’s all.”

“Right,” Gerri says. “Because it doesn’t make sense to speak with the people who are actually on her payroll.”

“Look, Gerri, if you have a problem, then take it up with Karolina,” Shiv says. “I’m sure she’d love to explain.”

She locks eyes with Gerri this time, smiling her Shiv Roy best, and Gerri just sighs. “She’s not a toy, Shiv.”

Shiv can’t help it as she laughs under her breath.

“Are you my godmother, or hers?”

Colin whispers in Dad’s ear. He stands, Rhea joining him. They’re all shaking hands, smiling as Colin opens the door.

“If I were Karolina’s, I’d be telling her to run rather than telling you not to fuck things up.”

—

Relief.

It’s the only thing Shiv feels when there’s finally a knock on her door and she opens it to find Karolina on the other side, a little more disheveled than Shiv is used to, but her Karolina, nonetheless. Shiv normally wouldn't have her over like this, not when it’s so late and Tom could be in even when she knows he won’t be, but she finds that she’s running out of reasons to care.

The second Karolina is inside and situated, she’s pulling Shiv into a hug. It’s not her first hug of the day, but it’s the first one where she feels like she’s being held. Like her hands aren’t the only two things doing the lifting, like her body isn’t a vessel for someone else to consume and spit out and mold—like she’s being hugged because someone cares. Like someone is wrapping her in their arms, not because it’s where they want her, but because it’s where she fits. With Karolina, everything fits.

“Eventful day,” Karolina says, brushing a thumb across Shiv’s cheek.

“Not really a good reflection of Waystar,” Shiv says, frowning. “An employee blowing their brains out in the bullpen.”

“We’re lucky that’s all it was,” Karolina says, and her hands tighten around Shiv, voice thick with the emotional toll of the day. “Three Roys in the building an active shooter, I mean—it could’ve been anything, Shiv.”

“Hey,” Shiv instantly says, attempting to calm the concern in Karolina’s words. “It wasn’t that. I’m fine, and you’re fine—we’re all good. Right?”

Karolina looks at her, furrowed brows and scrunched lips holding back like they always do, and she just nods. It comes over Shiv again, that wave of protectiveness that she pretends hasn’t recently become exclusive only to Karolina, and she takes control of the embrace, bringing the side of Karolina’s temple to her lips and holding her tightly in return. She wants to say something, wants to make more promises that she can’t keep, and ask more questions that she doesn’t want the answers to, but her phone buzzes in her pocket.

“It’s Tom,” Shiv says, pulling away from Karolina, and then into the receiver, “Hello?”

“Hey, honey,” Tom’s voice comes through. “Are you home yet?”

“Yeah,” Shiv says. “Yeah, I got in about an hour ago.”

“Okay, good,” Tom says. “Will you make sure to feed Mondale? I’m afraid I’m going to be in the studio for a while.”

“Yeah,” Shiv says. “Can do.”

She’s being short. It’s not fair, but so many things aren’t fair. Which safe room are you in, Shiv? Are you sure there’s only one? I think they brought me to the wrong one, Shiv. I thought that it was something we wanted for me. What happened to the plan, Shiv?

“Alright, well. Everything—everything’s good?”

“Yeah, Tom,” Shiv sighs. “Your safe room kept you safe, I guess?”

“Oh, yeah,” Tom says. “Very spacious. It was nice to have some quiet time, you know? Hard to come by these days.”

“Right, no—yeah,” Shiv says. “Ours was—it was quiet too.”

“Good, good.”

There’s a lull of silence between them that Shiv often worries is a permanent fixture, but she knows Karolina looming behind her isn’t the best fuel for a conversation with her husband.

“Well,” Tom says, filling the silence, “I’ll see you later?”

“Sure, honey,” Shiv says. “Just let me know when you’re on your way, yeah?”

“Alright,” Tom says. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Tom.”

She keeps her back turned, scrolling through the calls on her phone. Tom, incoming. Karolina (3), outgoing. Tom, incoming. Roman, missed. Tom (2), missed. Karolina, incoming. Karolina, outgoing. She locks her phone, sliding it into her pocket without another glance. She finds Karolina’s set herself up at the kitchen counter, laptop out in front of her, fingers typing away. She looks up as Shiv returns, and Shiv wonders where her determined energy comes from, how Karolina can always keep going, despite it all.

“ATN putting out the fire for us?” Karolina asks.

“Yeah,” Shiv laughs sarcastically. “They’re gonna own the libs and turn a suicide into a men’s rights issue.”

“As long as the ATN audience believes it, I couldn’t care less,” Karolina says. “Waystar will provide its condolences and ATN can do…whatever the hell it does.”

Shiv knows Karolina doesn’t mean that. That she’ll be watching the news broadcast and she’ll send a scathing email to ATN’s PR department when their story doesn’t align with the professional public image that Waystar needs to maintain, and she’ll work long and extra hours just to make it right, even though there are plenty of people on her payroll that can do it just as well with her guidance.

Shiv wonders if Karolina thinks the same way about her. That whenever she asks if they can spend the night together or if they can see each other, if there’s not always a part of her that couldn’t care less. A part of her that can’t afford to care more.

“Well, with a Nazi on the news desk, I’m sure they’ll do just fine,” Shiv says. Karolina sighs and leans her elbow on the counter, head in her hand. She continues to type with one hand, a skill Shiv would find laughable on any other day, and Shiv pulls another seat closer to Karolina, resting her own body across the countertop as she watches Karolina work. Suddenly, Karolina’s typing furiously, sitting up straighter and switching through tabs at a rapid pace. Her phone dings a few times, and an unsettling feeling comes over Shiv.

“Fuck.”

Karolina’s expression has grown from slightly annoyed to exceedingly worried within seconds, and Shiv sits up instantly.

“What is it?” she asks. “Ken get high and shoplift with the Naked Cowboy?”

Except, Karolina doesn’t laugh, which worries Shiv, because Karolina always laughs at her jokes, no matter how stupid or ill-timed or horrible they are.

“Um, no, Shiv,” Karolina says. “It—it’s about you.”

Shiv goes through her mental calendar, trying to remember the events of the last week. She can’t remember stealing candy or vape fluid or murdering a fucking homeless person though, so whatever it is, surely can’t be as bad as Karolina’s frantic typing is having her believe. Karolina continues to type, and then pauses, turning her laptop screen to face Shiv, a gaudy email taking up the screen.

Email: [email protected]

Subject: Heavy is the Head

Message: Married heiress to a popular American news conglomerate spotted cozying up to a mystery woman at a gala.

Shiv tries to make sense of the words. “What am I looking at?”

“It’s a blind,” Karolina says, and Shiv attempts to calm her panic. A blind is a blind. They’re bullshit, even when true.

“It’s just the same thing as last night,” Shiv says. “Nobody’s going to believe it.”

“Scroll.”

Shiv does, hesitantly, and her heart sinks as she makes it to the next part. There’s a photo. A fucking photo of her kissing Karolina t that stupid charity gala that she didn’t even want to be at, taken by some sleazeball with an iPhone 14 and a dream. But still, it’s not the end of the world, right?

“Nobody can see your face,” Shiv says. “I mean, fine, fuck, I’m kissing a woman—that doesn’t mean anything—”

Karolina slides her second phone over to Shiv, a screen that’s usually reserved for the most desperate of occasions, and on it is a thread with a different photo, Karolina’s face and dress circled out of a crowd.

“Fuck,” Shiv repeats, because what exactly is the proper word to being outed to millions of people at once, and also, by the way, the person you’re kissing is one of your dad’s most trusted advisors, and, oh, you’re also fucking married! She looks to Karolina, who seems to be flitting between passing out and figuring out where she can purchase a military-grade machine gun to mow down the Reddit headquarters.

“Is someone on this?” Shiv asks, and she’ll admit it, she’s panicking, because normally it’s Karolina who’s on these stories and squashing them before they’ve seen an ounce of daylight, but Karolina is here, and the story’s already broken, and her eyes are a little frantic and her hands a little shaky and Shiv’s slowly losing faith that they’re making it out of this one unscathed. Shiv grabs one of Karolina’s hands, and the contact springs her into action.

“I—I don’t know, Shiv,” Karolina says, puffing her cheeks. She pulls her hand away, standing. “I need to make some calls.”

“You can use my office,” Shiv says, and Karolina nods, walking away without so much as another word. It’s a lot, a shooting and an exposé all in one day, and Shiv doesn’t even want to begin to think of the fallout. The thought of checking her phone makes her feel sick, and if the universe is at all on her side (which, it’s decidedly not, considering this is happening at all) then Dad is already asleep and he’ll never have to find out about this mess. There’s no way Roman hasn’t already found out, and she makes a mental note to come up with a list of things to blackmail him with if he enjoys his life as it is currently. And then, as if on cue, Tom is walking into the apartment, either blissfully unaware, or entirely all too excited.

“Shiv?” his voice calls out, and she steels herself, not at all ready for the first wave of consequence.

“In here,” she calls from the kitchen. It’s a little while before Tom actually enters, his slow, tentative steps confirming her suspicions.

“Hey, honey,” Tom says as he approaches. He doesn’t greet her like he normally does, his inviting arms usually engulfing her, and she’s troubled by the fact that it doesn’t bother her. The distance almost feels welcome.

“Hey,” she says. The tension is thick.

“Crazy day, huh?” he asks. He looks at her expectantly, and she imagines what he’s thinking. Maybe he wants her to fall to her knees, to beg for forgiveness. Maybe he wants her to serve him with divorce papers, to annul the marriage having violated the terms of the prenup. Maybe he wants to pretend it never happened, to forbid Shiv from seeing Karolina ever again even though they both know that Shiv would never listen to that order. She can’t tell, because she never knows what Tom wants. He pretends to want what she wants, or he says he wants less when he always wants more, or he wants things that simply don't exist, things that can’t ever exist, and she just has to stumble her way through his needs, catering to him without completely destroying her own desires.

She feels that urge again, to hide Karolina somewhere far away, somewhere where Shiv wanting can’t be used against them. Where she doesn’t have to suppress her desires just to make everyone else around her feel whole.

“Yeah,” she says stiffly. “Wild.”

Tom nods, still playing his cards close to his chest. He eyes the mess of screens on the counter, not lingering for too long on any device. It’s likely he spent his entire car ride home memorizing every detail of the news.

“So—what’s the plan?” he asks, like he’s somehow a part of it. Like it’s a business move that they’re making together and now they have to figure it out. Like it’s not Shiv’s livelihood at stake.

“The plan?” she asks. She knows it’s not the time to be dense, but he’s already pissing her off and they haven’t even begun. She doesn’t need a Tom-solution to her own mess.

“Shiv,” he says, her name coming out like a warning.

“I don’t know, Tom,” she says. “I have to—you know, I need to talk—”

It’s not the admitting that’s hard. She’s admitted plenty before. Admitted worse. It’s saying her name. It’s giving Tom that piece of her, that version of Karolina that up until now, had only belonged to Shiv. If she says her name, then it’s real. They belong to everybody. It leaves her control.

“Her,” Shiv finally says. Tom’s current state of mind is elusive. She never prided him much in the way of not wearing his heart on his sleeve, but he’s doing a good job currently, and it’s unnerving, not being able to suss out what he’s thinking.

“When will—I mean, is that—are you in contact with her?” he asks. “Because we should really all be on the same page.”

We. Us. All.

“She’s in the study,” Shiv says, and Tom’s eyebrows shoot upward.

“She’s here? Now?”

“Well, yeah, Tom. Did you want me to drop her off in front of Waystar?” she asks. “See how many different ways the paparazzi can ask her what it feels like to fuck your wife?”

“Okay, Shiv—I understand you’re upset—”

“Oh, fuck off,” Shiv says, turning away from him. “Can you just—stop, being so nice right now?”

“Well—I mean, this was a part of it, right?” he asks, that sickeningly dumbfounded expression slapped across his face. “The arrangement?”

Shiv hopes her face isn’t conveying the paralyzing lapse of nausea that she feels course through her. She can feel the boyish hurt seep through his words, pretending like the arrangement is still something he’s okay with. If she were being completely honest, it doesn’t feel like a part of the arrangement. If it were a part of the arrangement, it wouldn’t have been Karolina in that photo. It would’ve been some hot, young guy, just barely taller than Tom; enough to make her feel like he should be jealous, enough to make him jealous. Karolina is different. He wasn’t supposed to find out about her. She was supposed to be Shiv’s secret, her life away from Tom that he couldn’t touch, couldn’t steal. She won’t let him steal her now, either.

“Right,” she says. Silly. How could she have forgotten? “The arrangement, yeah no—sorry. It’s been a long day.”

Tom pouts and steps forward, Shiv’s lie like some kind of spell cast on him. It feels more morose than usual, his desperation for her bare minimum commitment to him. He pulls her into him, as if the arrangement means it’s not real. She isn’t sure either of them believes that, but she knows he wants to, and Shiv, as always, is beholden to his wants.

“It was frightening being in danger,” Tom says. “And this, on top of it all. We’ll get Rat-Fucker Sam on it. Ruin some Silicon Valley tech mogul’s life.”

“I think it’s too late for Sam, Tom. It went viral instantly,” she says. “I just need to figure this out.”

“Well, has she gotten the call yet?”

Shiv looks up. The call?

“What call?”

“You know,” Tom shrugs, and Shiv wildly shakes her head, because, no, she doesn’t know. She’s not some clairvoyant psychic put on Earth just to be able to read Tom Wambsgans’ mind when he decides the middle of a conversation is a good time to play fucking charades.

“What call, Tom?” she says again, stepping away. He looks around to make sure it’s just the two of them, which, Shiv’s pretty sure they are, considering she can still hear Karolina’s commanding voice leave the confines of the study every few minutes, and he leans in, lowering his voice.

“The fucking axe, Shiv!”

He says it like it’s break room gossip. Like Karolina isn’t one of the few people at Waystar who’s actually decent at their job, like she’s dispensable and that’s why Shiv chose her. Not a real person. She wonders if that boyish hurt isn’t just a glint of zeal, like maybe he’s finally found his opportunity for payback. Shiv gets to cheat, and Tom gets to watch the destruction. She wonders if this might not have been his play all along, let her run herself through brick walls over and over again, and watch silently until one of them finally takes her down, bruised and bloody and begging for mercy. Something tugs inside of her then, and she realizes there is a wall worth salvaging, and it’s not the one in front of her.

“She’s not getting fired, Tom,” Shiv says, hoping the blood and the cement seep through, spoken proof that even knocked down, the fragments of Karolina are deep within her now.

Tom just stares at her, open-mouthed with that stupid, disbelieving smile.

“If you’re worried about the optics, Shiv—we’ll have her sign papers. This won’t come down on you,” he says. “It’ll be quick and painless, I mean, you won’t even have to be a part of it—”

“Tom,” Shiv snaps, he closes his mouth, jaw set. “I said, she’s not fucking getting fired.”

In come the theatrics.

“Oh, oh, I mean, of course, Shiv, I don’t—I mean, I wouldn’t really think of it as a firing, more so as a sort of, Witness Protection situation,” he says. “I mean, she can’t possibly come back to the office, right? That could be, well—sort of disastrous, if you think about it.”

She tries to imagine it, tries to picture either of them returning to Waystar with a shred of their dignity, and she wants to believe that there is a way, somehow.

“She can,” Shiv says. “It was just a part of the arrangement, right? If we don’t treat it like a big deal, then it’s not. Firing her looks sloppy, Tom. It’s guilty.”

“Yeah, Shiv, it’s fine,” Tom says, finally letting some of his anger come through. “Maybe I should walk in with her tomorrow, then everyone can know I’m friends with the woman from whom I got cucked.”

“I don’t really want that any more than you do,” Karolina says, and Shiv looks past Tom, his head immediately turning towards the sound of her voice.

“Karolina, hello—”

“Hi, Tom,” Karolina says.

She’s a new kind of silent. Shiv isn’t sure how long Karolina has been standing there, doesn’t know how much of the conversation Karolina heard, but however much, Shiv wishes she hadn’t.

“Uh, hey—Tom?” Shiv says, Tom now looking back at her. “Can you just, maybe?” She nods in the direction of the door, and he raises his eyebrows before a light, “Oh,” escapes him, suddenly cordial again now that Karolina’s in the room.

“Sure, sure, yeah, I’ll just—I need to take Mondale out. All of this…energy isn’t good for his sleep schedule, so. I’ll, um, I’ll leave you two to…it,” he says, wincing near the end.

They both wait for him to leave, Karolina not daring to move closer until she hears the door shut, and even then, it’s a minimal attempt at closing the distance.

“He seemed mad,” Karolina says.

“Yeah, well,” Shiv sighs. He reacted how she’d expected. Highly upset but too desperate to actually show it.

“I thought he knew,” Karolina says, her tone slightly accusatory.

“He knew, yeah,” Shiv says, trying to sound sure. “I guess, he just—didn’t know who with, is the problem.”

She doesn’t expect Karolina to believe her, not in the way she expects Tom to take her words at face value, and Karolina doesn’t. She never does.

“So, we’ve been having an affair,” Karolina states.

“I told you, Tom and I have—”

“An arrangement. Yeah, Shiv, I got it,” Karolina says. The silence isn’t awkward more than it is uncomfortable. There are too many things to say, too many questions and strategies and unknowns. Shiv starts with what’s simple.

“Who was on the phone?” she asks.

“It was Gerri,” Karolina says. “She, um—well, she chewed me out, and then she, you know. Advice.”

“And what was her advice?”

“She told me I should stock my arsenal,” Karolina says. “HR, journalists, lawyers. She gave me some numbers.”

“Are you going to call?” Shiv asks, a knot forming in the pit of her stomach.

“I don’t know, Shiv,” Karolina says. “I might.”

Shiv nods, unsure of what other response she could give. Of course, she doesn’t want Karolina to call those numbers. Of course, she wants Karolina to trust her, to believe that Shiv will do the right thing, to believe that Shiv would stand by her, would choose her. The longer this bullshit goes on, the more Shiv thinks that she would.

“Don’t,” Shiv says. “I’m not going to hang you out to dry. I wouldn’t do that.”

“Shiv,” Karolina sighs, and her face falls almost sympathetically. She moves closer to Shiv, though they still feel worlds apart, and Shiv wants nothing more than to reach out, to grab her hand and never let go. “It’s not you that I’m worried about.”

Dad. Shiv had nearly forgotten about him while trying to handle Tom.

“Did Gerri say—”

“He hasn’t called her about it,” Karolina says. “So, he either hasn’t seen it, or he’s ignoring it.”

Shiv lets out a sigh of relief at the information. This gives them time, a lot more time than she initially thought they’d have.

“So, we still have a chance to get ahead of it,” Shiv says. “Or he doesn’t believe it. Both work in our favor.”

“It doesn’t really matter whether he hasn’t seen it, Shiv, there’s a photo,” Karolina says. “Everyone else has seen it. The entire fucking internet has already seen it.”

“He’s the only person that matters, though,” Shiv says.

“The only person?” Karolina asks. “What about my subordinates? My boss, fucking—Hugo? There are people who want to see me fail. This could ruin me, Shiv.”

“It won’t ruin you,” Shiv says.

“I’ve been fucking the married daughter of the fucking CEO, Shiv. This is a PR disaster from hell,” Karolina says. “Who’s going to want to hire me? I’m a fucking liability now.”

Shiv waits for Karolina to say more. Waits for her to say that she regrets this, and that she never should’ve done it, and that it was a bad idea from the start. That Shiv’s malignant, a festering presence that bursts into people's lives and does her bidding and then leaves right before things go to shit, that she somehow makes it out unharmed every time, a body count living in her wake. She won’t let that happen to Karolina. Won’t even give her a chance to think it.

“I’ll handle it, Karolina,” Shiv says. “I’ll fucking, I’ll figure it out, okay?”

“How?” Karolina asks. Her voice is sharp and jagged and Shiv doesn’t think she’s ever heard it sound so unsure before, so small in the face of something so large.

“I don’t know, I’ll offer my soul to Shanghai, I’ll do the fucking management program, I’ll do whatever he wants—”

“What?” Karolina interrupts. “Shiv you’re not even in the company—”

“Why do you think I was in the office today?” Shiv asks. “It’s me. It’s fucking me, Karolina.”

Karolina shakes her head, confusion taking over her face. “Seriously?”

“I don’t know if he meant it, but he said it, and it’s something,” Shiv says. “If he wants me out of his precious politics, then it’s fucking something, okay? We have to try.”

Because if this is rock bottom, then Shiv has nothing left to lose, and she knows the Dems on Capitol Hill would kill to have the gay fucking Roy child on their campaigns. She can work with this; she just has to convince Karolina.

“Even if that did—it’s not a Get Out of Jail Free, Shiv,” Karolina says. She goes silent, her arms crossing gently. Her expression softens, her anger at the situation replaced with something sadder. She looks up at Shiv again, eyes boring into her from across the room, “Did he really choose you?”

“He said it,” Shiv shrugs. Karolina still doesn’t look convinced.

“It’ll never work,” Karolina says. “It just won’t, Shiv. The CEO of Waystar—home of ATN—with a woman?”

“Then we’ll go to Pierce,” Shiv says instantly. “Get them to agree to an exclusive sit down. Dad will be so mad he’ll back off. Fuckin’ extort the hell out of him. I’m from a crime family, right?”

Karolina’s brows furrow so thoughtfully, Shiv might think Karolina were pitying her. “No, Shiv.”

“Why the hell not?” Shiv asks, growing irritated when Karolina laughs.

“Shiv, you can’t ruin your life for me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Shiv asks.

“That I can’t let myself get in the way of you becoming CEO.”

And it’s that. That sentence right there, when the decision’s already been made for her. She doesn’t care if Karolina hates her for the rest of her life and they never speak again; Shiv won’t let anything happen to her. Karolina, who didn’t go running to the papers right away. Karolina, a top PR strategist who could’ve spun the story in her favor within minutes of its release. Karolina, who desperately wants what’s in Shiv’s best interests. Karolina, who’s willing to throw away her tenure for a fucking vanity title Shiv isn’t sure she’ll ever actually get. Karolina, who cares about Shiv. Who’s worried about how it’ll affect her, sure, but who cares about how it’ll affect Shiv.

“And what if I told you that it wouldn’t even be worth being CEO unless you were there, by my side?” Shiv asks, finally moving closer to Karolina. Karolina's arms are still crossed, but she doesn’t move away as Shiv does so.

“I’d tell you that’s a stupid thing to say.” Karolina looks down, and Shiv lays a hand over her arms, squeezing lightly.

“I know this is bad, Karolina,” Shiv whispers, ducking her head as well. “I know that. But I don’t want any solution that doesn’t involve you. You’re non-negotiable.”

“I’m not an acquisition, Shiv,” Karolina says. “I’m a person and this is my life.”

“I have a life too,” Shiv says. “I want you in it.”

Karolina looks up, her eyes misty. “You have a husband.”

“I don’t have to,” she says, and it’s the first time she’s admitted those words out loud. The first time she verbalizes to another person that maybe she has made some wrong choices along the way.

“You’d leave him?” Karolina asks. Shiv looks into Karolina’s eyes and knows it’s not about leaving Tom. It’s about choosing Karolina.

“You make me feel like I’ve finally done something right, too,” Shiv says, tugging Karolina’s arms free. She presses their foreheads together, and Karolina’s hands grab at Shiv’s waist. They stand there in the silence, connected, and Shiv prepares herself for it to be the end, until Karolina’s voice rings out one final time.

“Shiv—are you sure?”

Shiv kisses Karolina, and it feels like nothing could ever go wrong again.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

—

“Look at this one,” Karolina says, rolling over in the bed. It’s been like this every morning since the divorce went through, Karolina doing her morning doom-scrolling and subjecting Shiv to the first round of daily tweets. She assumes one day it’ll get old, but for now, the only thing Shiv cares about is the peaceful glint in Karolina’s eyes and the easy smile she adorns, and Shiv lays her head on Karolina’s chest, giving her undivided attention to Karolina’s selection.

@milfupthesun: shiv roy has game like that ?

↳ @chaostheory: i mean we’ve all seen her girlfriend

↳ @milfhotline: want a waystar baddie soooo bad now

↳ @onemintjulep: need her to teach me her ways

↳ @notromanroy1: shiv is definitely not the one with game

“Wait a minute—” Shiv snatches the phone and sits up, squinting at the screen. “Is that fucking Roman?”

#evil laughter i think #<333333333333 #shivlina #shiv roy x karolina novotney #succession fic #shivlina fic #shivlina fic exchange 2023 #duskfalls

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bapydemonprincess · 4 years

Text

Not Just One Hell of a Butler

Here is a story scenario I never thought I would ever write out when getting into kuro. But it happened!

This story takes place in the regular canon time, sometime. Not sure of which arc, though. But the point is, at some point Sebastian and Grelle got together, were a couple for a bit... and then SUDDENLY.. a certain lovestruck maid of phantomhive is confessing her love! To both reaper and demon!!

So what happens next..? Well, the three of them talk, and then decide to test things out! And lo and behold, find that they truly do fit like a glove together. ❤️

But that’s only the prologue! What happens in THIS story is long after the trio have gotten together, when they’re starting to feel like a real true couple, and absolutely NOTHING could possible come up to tarnish it! Right..?

Well, nothing except for a little secret the demon of the group has actually been hiding from his human lover all this time...

So, with a little help from her love Grelle (In the form of a letter done by none other than my dear sweet partner in crime @grelleswife 🖤) Mey-rin makes it her NEW mission to sort things out between her and Sebastian!

Also this story has hints of NSFW a bit, just so you know~

Sebastian was most definitely acting off, Mey-rin confirmed, her sharp eyes even sharper now as they studied the demon when they could, like when they passed each other in the halls or on the stairs.

Getting to view him from the front, the maid noticed he couldn’t even disguise whatever was wrong behind a mask of polite indifference, and when she’d dare to greet him as well, he would give her the very weakest little smile she’d ever seen on him.

It almost physically hurt to see, even though she had no clue what was going on.

They had all known each other for up to five years now, and Mey-rin liked to think they’d all become very close in that time.

Well, perhaps some closer than others...

In truth, though they still acted out their proper roles during the daytime and absolutely never caused any mischief while working around the manor, the head maid and the head butler had been very carefully and quietly working their way into each others lives on a more... personal level.

Oh it made Mey-rin flustered just thinking about it!! But she couldn’t help it when it was still such an unbelievable thing! Sebastian Michaelis... finally accepting her feelings...

And not only that but.. but.. that gorgeously outrageous supposed “Grim Reaper” known as Grelle Sutcliff cared about her as well!

Those two had been together behind closed doors for a bit before the water gates had finally flooded for the maid, just.. spilling out everything and not expecting a good reaction.

However, to her surprise, both reaper and butler had stepped forward to comfort her, and then soon after.. discussed things with her that Mey-rin had NEVER imagined!!

She’d sworn her face had been red for DAYS after that glorious time, and yet.. she never awoke from such a ridiculous fantasy. Pinching herself never did anything either!

So now, here she was, with two amazing lovers. One she got to see every single day for possibly the rest of her life! And the other.. well, as a “Grim Reaper” it made it difficult for Grelle to find free time to come back and be with them, but she definitely made it worth it when she could! Scooping Mey-rin up, twirling her around, kissing her with abandon... going to do the same to the butler who stood by watching with a look he now had had since this started as if he too was in amazement..

And then they’d peel off layers and talk long into the night, while still showering each other with affection.. and sometimes... more~ !

“OY- MEY!”

Mey-rin immediately started, suddenly aware of her current location of just in the middle of the upstairs hall, with a mop and bucket, and sort of just... snuggling the mop handle like a certain someone she wanted to hold forever and ever!

“AHH!” She squealed and pushed the mop handle away, and just enough to make it push the BUCKET over too. “AHH!” She yelped again, flailing her arms.

Bardroy, who was currently the only other soul in the hall, groaned out and hurried forward to grab the poor girl and try to stop her flailing. “Aw jeeze, Mey, calm down! I’ll help ya with that! I was just tryin’ to get yer attention!”

“Wh-what?! Why’s that, Bard?” She asked, quickly becoming calmer and flopping her arms down.

“Yeah, I just needed yer help in the kitchen.. kinda uh, went overboard with the bakin’..” He gradually looked more and more sheepish as he explained.

Mey-rin let out the loudest sigh, slouching even more.

.. However, wait! Perhaps her fellow coworker could help her as well! Sure Mey-rin, Sebastian and Grelle had kept their endeavors with each other a secret for the most part, especially in the mansion, but that didn’t mean Bardroy couldn’t help a little in a general sense of figuring out what could be wrong with their head butler! Perhaps even HE had noticed a slight offness in him??

“Alright, let’s get a towel for this mess and then I’ll help you down there, Bard!” She confirmed, smiling to the chef who looked about ready to deflate with relief.

“... However..!” Mey-rin quickly added, feeling a bit of extra courage go through her for a moment as she thought of the possibility of solving this being a quick fix! It could be easy with the help of her friend, right..?

“Uh, yeah?” Bard prompted, sorta.. dragging a boot over the rug, pulling it towards the little water puddle a bit...

“....” Mey-rin’s courage quickly plummeted as other possibilities of how this discussion could go WRONG started flooding her..

“... Nevermind, le-let’s go.”

“Wha?! What was THAT about?! MEY!”

“SHHH- SHUSH Bard, just come on!!”

Eventually the two servants got to their current objective, cleaning up a huge flour and egg and dough mess in the kitchen... Along with.. smashed pumpkins, for some reason???

Mey-rin looked up at Bard.

“I WAS TRYIN’ T’MAKE PUMPKIN PIE, OKAY?!”

So now they finally were in the process of cleaning this disaster, Mey-rin still distracted with her concerns and Bardroy absolutely unaware and just rambling on about how he thought a hammer had been the best way to take care of the pumpkins for the pie!

“So yeah, I woulda just put the pumpkin guts an’ stuff right in the pie and we’d be good t’ go! Or y’know, so I thought!”

“..You thought, did you?” Came a new familiar voice from the entrance, and sounding familiarly perturbed over this.

“AH, oh Christ! H-hey Sebastian..” Bardroy shot up from his stool and stood at attention.

The Butler was indeed now in the doorframe, and yet.. as Mey-rin looked over from her position across the room, even just the way he stood there looked.. off.

Sebastian was not standing straight for once. He was actually.. leaning to one side, arms crossed and legs crossed and looking for all the world like he did not want to be there.

He really wasn’t even trying to hide it currently that something was wrong.

“Yes, hello, Bard. I see you also decided to make Mey-rin help you clean up your mess.” The Butler threw out, the annoyance more clear in his voice now than ever.

Oh dear.. perhaps it was just that Sebastian was not having a good day overall?? Perhaps it was something between him and the young master??

Mey bit her lip hard, swallowing and quickly stepping forward.

“No, no no, Sebastian! He may have come to me, yes, but I- I wholly wished to- to help him, alright?! It’s alright!” She realized her voice sounded way more like she was trying to sooth someone upset and hurt with her instead of an angry butler over another kitchen catastrophe.

“We- We got this, yes we do, lo-lo- !!” She quickly stopped herself from saying ‘love’ as soon as she could, slapping her hands over her mouth and trying to rethink QUICKLY. “l... lOOK AWAY, it’ll be okay!” She nearly shrieked out.

And then.. oh, what.. what was that look Sebastian was giving her??

Now that she’d finished blabbing out her own take on the situation, she was able to focus on looking. And it.. only made things worse.

Sebastian’s pretty thin eyebrows had lifted, his pupils seemed to have shrunk (from what the sharp eyed maid could tell), and his mouth had gone from a familiar scowl to a very.. unfamiliar little ... pout-like shape?? Was that even possible for Sebastian? To POUT?!

“... Fine. I’ll leave you two to your business..” He spoke, adjusting quickly as he did to a proper straight posture once more and whirling around to walk away.

But.. his voice.. It- It had sounded so soft and tired. An absolute turn around from how he’d just been talking before!!

It made Mey-rin’s heart start to race and clench at the same time. She had to hug the mop handle once again! She had to--

“Hey, Mey.”

Bardroy seemed almost prepared this time, coming to her real close and shaking her shoulders a quick moment.

“Hah?! Uh- wha- what??”

“Hey, hey, c’mon now, shhh. Calm yer self, Mey.” He said, much quieter, his focus now on his companion entirely.

Mey-rin blinked and blinked, then finally shot a hand up to rub at her eye under her glasses.

“Um, I- I’m sorry Bard! I dunno why I’m gettin’ like this, no! I just-”

“Mey, come on.. let’s sit down an’ talk, alright?”

...

Mey-rin stared up at Bard as if he’d spoken a totally different language.

Sighing, Bardroy nearly dragged the confounded maid over to a stool and sat her down, then went over and closed the kitchen door before coming back to sit beside her.

Once both were sitting, Bard lit up a cigarette and once again stared Mey-rin in the face.

“Alright, kid. What’s goin’ on?”

Mey-rin promptly grabbed at her glasses and took them off, putting them on the table they sat at and going back to rubbing at her eyes; only now with both hands in on the action.

“It’s- it’s really really complicated so, I can’t explain everythin’, Bard, but I- I... Currently, you see I think somethin’ is wrong with- with Sebastian, yes I do! But- I dunno what ‘cause normally he never gets like this! I’ve never seen this before! I mean he gets irritated and angry, all the time, yes, but this is.. this is... I...”

She started to cry.

She had no idea why she was crying over it, when so far she’d been managing their new roles and secret endeavors fairly well! At least she’d thought so!

But then this had to happen! Just as she was settling in, suddenly Sebastian seemed.. off! Not himself! At all!!

Bardroy had moved closer, hands darting out looking ready to yank her hands off her face, then deciding to get in closer and, wrap around her and pull the young woman close, letting her head fall against his upper chest.

He wasn’t clear on what else to do, but he tried to go with instincts..

“Soo.. ya think maybe one’a us did somethin’, or you did somethin’ in particular to set him off maybe?” He tried to keep the conversation going, even through her crying. Though Bard cared dearly about Mey-rin’s current state, he knew they only had so much time to work with.

Before the butler likely came back again.. And Bard had an inkling things would get much worse if the man saw the two servants together in this position instead of what they should’ve been doing right now.

“Th-that’s what I been thinkin’ yes, but but also that there’s more to it than that! Like somethin’ else is.. is goin’ on! Somethin’ he obviously is so t-torn up about he can’t say!”

By now the full out crying had stopped, thankfully, but Mey-rin still felt utterly anguished and desperate for some sort of answer to this before it got worse.

“Well,” Bard sighed out, freeing one hand to scratch his head. “from what we’ve known of Sebastian, the usual things that get ‘is goat are jus’ US or the young master bein’ extra bratty or some kind of case they’re dealin’ with. That would definitely make sense, ‘cause it’d explain how he’s so closed off! Can’t discuss a case with us unless we can get involved somehow, right?”

Mey-rin nodded in agreement with most of Bard’s points, but still knew that there was something else missing. Something entirely different in this than all the other times Sebastian’s mood had gone sour.

For this time, it seemed the butler had no energy to be truly mad, and it also felt as if it wasn’t entirely anger that he was feeling currently.

The closest Mey-rin could get to thinking of a similar kind of mood was.. something she had perhaps felt. Only her. She had no clue on Bard or others, but..

“Bard..”

“.. Yeah?”

“D’you think maybe.. Sebastian.. has recently... lost someone he cares about? Like..” Mey-rin’s eyes grew gradually larger. “Like maybe.. one of the cats he cares about ‘round the manor?? Maybe-- maybe one of ‘em DIED, Bard!” Suddenly, her eyes were fogged over again and THIS time, the woman was GRABBING Bard and SHAKING him. “MAYBE ONE OF HIS KITTENS DIED, AND HE’S SUFFERIN’ ALL ALONE ALL THIS TIME, BARD!!”

“M-M- MEY! HANG ON! COME ON!! STOP!!”

As a last resort with the hysterical woman, Bardroy thought to grab her BACK by the shoulders and try to YANK her off. But.. her grip hadn’t been that tight, and well.. suddenly Mey-rin was falling backwards off her stool, but grabbing onto Bardroy’s shirt front instinctually to try to prevent it, only to end up making him fall as well.

And in the worst possible position ever.

Groaning, Bard pushed his hands on the floor to lift his upper body up, instinctually knowing he couldn’t stay down and crush the poor girl.

“Ah, Jesus, Mey!” He groaned out, feeling a kink in his back flair up from this display of athleticism.

“Oh- Oh no- I- I- I’m so sorry, Bard, I was havin’ a moment again, yes I was, and I-”

SLAM.

Both servants went entirely silent and stalk still at that noise.

There was nothing but a tiny little glimpse of a pause after that before that voice graced their ears.

“Get up, Bardroy.”

At once Bardroy was up, no back pain in sight as he shot up faster than a bullet zipping out of one of Mey-rin’s rifles.

He would’ve seen Mey-rin do a similar attempt of getting up as well if not for his gaze now TRAPPED in the scalding, hellish glare that was Sebastian Michaelis’ eyes across the room.

“Seb- Sebastian it’s--”

Tone becoming only slightly more level, Sebastian jerked his head a little at the hall behind him.

“Leave, Mey-rin.”

“Wh-what do you mean-”

“I mean I will talk to you in a moment. Now leave.”

Mey-rin felt her eyes prick up with tears again, her hands curl into fists. No, no this wasn’t right. This wasn’t how this was going to go!

Not if she had anything to say on it!

“I’m not leaving without you on tow, Sebastian.”

Mey-rin grabbed her glasses where she’d put them down on the table, but did not put them on yet. No. She stared the butler down hard.

“We need to talk now.”

And that, was when suddenly things seemed to change in a direction very different from the servants usual screw-ups.

As Mey-rin moved almost mechanically around the table, marching up to Sebastian, she stopped right in front of him, and grabbed him by the tie!

“Come on.”

And with that, no matter how mixed up and confused Mey-rin’s mind had been and still was, she single-handedly asserted her dominance over her dear demon lover and hauled him down the hallway.

And... for some reason, Sebastian was actually letting her.

She... couldn’t think about it, all she could do was keep GOING.

So she dragged the butler all the way through to the end of the hallway, past the stairs, and then shoved the front door open and lead him outside.

“There!” She blurted, stopping them, and then quickly released Sebastian’s tie and put her glasses on so she could look up into his face while they finally just.. talked.

“That was- Ah, I did not expect this turn of events..” Was Sebastian’s first response, and it was clear to even him that that wasn’t the best response.

“Well... neither did I, no! But you see, you left me no choice, now.” Mey-rin replied, blushing furiously as she thought of what she HAD JUST DONE and yet trying not to dwell on it too much!

“I- I left you no choice..?” Sebastian echoed, sounding mildly confused and once again a bit.. off.

His voice kept diving into a strange softness that just STILL felt so wrong! And then Mey-rin looked over his posture once more. One arm down at his side as usual, but his right was strangely up in an interesting pose at his chest.. Not in the way he would do when bowing to someone, but his hand was curled in a bit of a fist.. The first thing this kind of posture reminded Mey-rin of was like.. a lady! A demure lady, no less!

What in the world was going on?! Could losing a kitten reduce Sebastian to acting like this???

“Yes! Yes you did, Sebastian! Because I- I’ve really needed to talk to you for the longest time, yes I have!”

She shot out her hands suddenly, taking his curled up one in her tiny ones and trying to pull it closer..

“... Sebastian.” She too lowered her tone. “Please, tell me why you are.. acting like.. like this?” And all she could think to do was squeeze that hand tight, and then (after the idea burst into her brain like an explosive) start to peel off the crisp white glove, to get to the bare pale flesh under it.. to maybe... kiss--

Sebastian let out a sharp gasp and pulled his hand back. In fact, he took a step back all together!

Mey-rin looked up almost pleadingly into his eyes, only to be met with.. a blushing Sebastian??

Eyebrows skyrocketing, Mey-rin once again tried to close the gap, BUT she held back from touching.

“What is it? Am I doin’ something wrong, Sebastian??”

“I, well, it’s -” Sebastian’s usually sharp eyes were darting around now while he quickly pulled his glove back on. “You are doing absolutely nothing wrong, Mey-rin.. It is merely... I am merely...” After a pause where he looked ready to bolt any second, Sebastian huffed out a rather high-toned sigh and turned away, as if he couldn’t even FACE her!

“Merely what?” Mey-rin choked out, swallowed, then started to reach out again.. “... P-Please... love... I.. I am here for you and whatever you are dealing with, I will listen..”

“I can’t- I can’t tell you.. It isn’t as simple as--” He was so rigid, turned entirely away now, arms clearly moving around to wrap around.. himself. He was hugging himself...!

“You and I both know that I’ve already heard of a lot of things by now that aren’t simple...”

He simply shook his head, and then went even stiffer when Mey-rin tried wrapping her arms around him from behind..

“I... I...”

“Sebastian,” Mey-rin was all but whispering, so softly, so carefully. “Please. Just tell me.”

Another expelling of breath, this time shakier, and also, this time when Sebastian spoke, the simple words almost sounded like they were coming from miles away or deep down a long, dark well..

“... I can’t.”

And suddenly Mey-rin was hugging air.

“AH!”

Instantly she fell flat on her face.

...

Heaving a loud groan of defeat, Mey-rin sat up on the stony front steps and readjusted her glasses.

“Oh bloody hell,” She muttered, crossing her arms. “I give up! there’s only one other option for this and it had better work!”

And so, when Mey-rin retired to her room that night, she got to work swiftly on a letter.

To my lovely Grelle,

I hope this letter reaches you quickly, for I’m afraid I am in dire need of your advice! I really did not want to resort to asking you, for I know you are quite busy over there, in wherever it is that place is! But I was left with no choice! You see there has been something wrong with Sebastian, I fear! He is acting most unlike himself constantly, though he still tries his best to do his job, I can pick up clearly these little things that are very different about him! What were those things called? It was a very strange word. New anses? I think it was something like that! You will probably know it when you read this! Anyway, those things are very different from how he normally acts! You know, smirking or looking smug, making dramatic motions and poses and doing well EVERYTHING dramatic!! But now it seems as if something has taken those things away, and replaced them! It really worries me, considering he won’t even tell me what it is that is wrong! In fact, just before writing this, I tried to confront him the best I could! But for some reason he refused to talk! He seemed almost timmid! I think that’s the word! Like being scared but I don’t know why he would be scared of me, or telling me about this! Oh, I hope you will have an answer, Grelle. I am really lost now, and since you were with him like this longer than me, I am hoping maybe he showed you this side too? Please tell me! I want to help him too! Oh if only you were with us more! I really miss you! And I miss all of us being together!

I hope to hear from you soon,

XOXO Mey-rin

Smiling in satisfaction, (and ignoring all the horrid ink stains) Mey-rin carefully rolled the paper up and tied it up tight with a bit of string. This was basically the only way for the woman to communicate with her other lover Grelle, a fascinating system the reaper had explained and showed her after the first night they’d been together.

“With this, our hearts can always be connected my sweet Mey-mey! No matter how far apart we are!”

Of course the need to use it hadn’t really come up before now, but Mey-rin was certain this was a perfect time to try it out finally!

Opening the one lone window facing out towards the side of the manor, Mey-rin put her fingers to her mouth as had been instructed and let out a quick, short whistle to the open air.

And soon enough, a.. little pigeon appeared and carefully landed on the small window sill available.

“Oh my, aren’t you cute!” Mey couldn’t help gushing, but the plump little bird simply stared up at her expectantly...

...

“Oh yeah!!” Mey cried and quickly fumbled with the little rolled up and tied letter, remembering every little step her love had told her, from beginning to end, as she tied the letter ever so carefully to the leg of the pigeon.

And then once that was done, with even more gentleness than before, Mey lifted the pigeon in both hands and then.. thrust it out the window.

Her heart fluttered as wildly as the pigeons wings were as she watched it head out, in exactly the same direction it had come.

Could it be traceable, perhaps..?

Apparently not, for one blink of her sharp eyes and the pigeon was completely gone from sight!

Sighing, Mey-rin closed her window again and turned to prepare for bed, her mind back to brimming with questions and doubts.

“Oh please, Grelle..” Mey whispered softly in the darkness as she got under the covers, “help me find the way back to Sebastian’s heart... I know you must know.. the way..”

And sleep embraced her.

---

The following morning, when the maid returned to consciousness, she couldn’t help the sudden bolt of energy she felt as the prospect of getting the desired response!! She shot out of bed in a rather unusual energetic state for this early, rushing to her window and flinging it open!

...

And found nothing.

Mey-rin even leaned out as far as she could without the chance of falling to see if maybe the bird she was looking for had perhaps landed somewhere else..?

Nope. Still nothing!

Sighing loudly with irritation, Mey-rin turned away and tried her best to ignore her growing sadness again as she got ready for the day.

But she couldn’t help asking over and over how in the world was she going to go out there and face him after everything that had happened yesterday?! And what about BARD as well?? After her sudden obviously suspicious behavior in the kitchen, even he would likely have a clue as to what was going on between Butler and Maid!

And what if... Bardroy disapproved? He’d always been quite overprotective of their new little found family here. Would the man possibly put his boot down on this? Would he get up in Sebastian’s face, risk life and limb, to tell him off for starting something with her?!

WOULD BARDROY SIGN HIS OWN DEATH WARRANT OVER A SILLY THING LIKE A LOVERS SPAT BETWEEN SEBASTIAN AND HER?!!

“Oh Bardroy, no!!” Mey cried out loud in the middle of her room, her thoughts whirling, and her hearing just barely picking up the strange noise coming from behind her...

Tap, tap, tap tap tap...

When it finally did register, Mey-rin nearly jumped at the out-of-place noise, whirling around and shooting a hand down for her hidden gun on her hip..

Tap, tap tap tap tap...

Oh. It was just a bird tapping on the windo-- IT WAS THE PIGEON!!

This time Mey-rin did jump, and yet it was for glee as she scurried over to open the window once again and scoop up the precious little bird.

“Oh thank you, thank you thank you!” She hissed out, even going so far as to give the bird a quick little peck on it’s tiny head before she released it and shut the window for the final time.

Mey-rin leapt back into bed like a little girl ready to hear a good bedtime story, untying the bright red shimmering little rope around the paper and unravelling it.

Her stomach couldn’t help but do a little happy dance inside her as she read Grelle’s letter.

My dearest darling Mey-mey,

Oh dear…It sounds like our Bassy is out of sorts. Not showing his usual flair for the dramatic? Little nuances (you spell it with a “u,” darling; the English language is such a tricky bugger!) in his behavior that seem a bit “off”? I can’t say for certain without laying eyes on that beautiful demon myself, but my lover’s intuition might have the answer. I shouldn’t say too much—it would probably be better if you heard it directly from Bassy—but I think our handsome devil is feeling uncomfortable in his skin, so to speak. You know how I sometimes have dark days when being in this body of mine feels like torture, or a curse? Well, darling Sebas goes through times a bit like that, on occasion. Not exactly the same, mind you, but close. How silly of him, being too scared to tell you what’s the matter! I think he’s afraid that you’d judge him, or just wouldn’t understand. I know that isn’t true, darling, but Bassy can be a bloody idiot. Really, I wouldn’t know what to do with that butler if he wasn’t so drop dead gorgeous! With a spot of luck, I should be able to get away from the dispatch this week to visit you two and talk some sense into our dove-feathered raven. I long to taste those heavenly lips of yours, darling…

But I digress! Back to the matter at hand. In times of crisis, ladies must help their sweethearts, mustn’t they? First, when you’re in private, tell Bassy that he’s pretty. Not handsome, not dashing. Pretty. Don’t call him “mister” or “sir,” if you can help it. In situations like this, even the smallest of words can mean the difference between happiness and misery.

You know those hair clips I gave you a while back? The ones that come in pretty shapes like butterflies and flowers? Try putting a few in Bassy’s hair. I know men don’t often wear such things, but trust me. Little Sebas will love them, especially now. A final piece of advice: Be bold with him. Hold his hand more tightly than you otherwise would, and don’t be afraid to take charge in bed! You’ve seen me in action when it’s all three of us together, so you know how a woman can reign sovereign over that demon. I can just picture your rose-red blush upon reading these words, Mey-mey (Oh, mon ange!), but now is not the time to be shy, as much as I love that sweetness of yours.

I miss you both to distraction. If only I were at the manor with you now, instead of buried beneath this damn paperwork! But fear not—I’ll send word as soon as I know when I can visit. I shall fly into your arms more swiftly than Cupid’s arrow, my love!

With deepest devotion and fiery passion,

Your Grelle

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Eyes trapped staring at the familiar bright red lipstick stain at the bottom of the paper, Mey-rin lost herself in thinking over her other lover’s advice.

It was.. certainly unexpected! Well, alright not all of it. The part about “taking charge in bed” was something Mey-rin had had an inkling might be brought up by Grelle Sutcliff; likely the most lustful lady Mey-rin had ever met! (Not counting Nina...)

However the rest had taken a turn Mey-rin had never imagined! Calling him “pretty”?? Not calling him mister or sir?! ... PUTTING HAIR CLIPS IN HIS HAIR?!

Mey-rin couldn’t help the reflex of scoffing a bit, looking up finally to stare around her room while she tried to combine these strange new possibilities with the demon she had known for five years, feeling like it had to be impossible that these answers would ever add up!

Until she recalled exactly how said demon had acted yesterday when she’d confronted him.

His face, his posture.. he’d looked so cornered like some.. bashful lady at something like a big party or some such! He’d looked almost like-- !

....

Like me!

All the times Mey-rin had found herself pinned or cornered, being backed into a spot she could not escape, either literally or figuratively! It hadn’t happened much these days, but back when she’d first began here, there’d been millions of times. From Lady Elizabeth’s “redecorating” to being persuaded to wear dresses (or even swimwear on occasion!) that she was definitely not used to at all.

And she could never forget the nightmares of being at those parties, having men target her either as the hired help or as just a pretty face in a dress, trying to win her over...

Mey-rin briefly went back and forth with the images in her mind- of Sebastian yesterday turned slightly away, hand in a fist curled up to his chest, eyes escaping to the side.. shimmering with something.. so strongly held back.. His mouth a small pout like he was mildly unhappy with the situation, and yet the soft blush rising on his face... it told a different story! -to her own remembered experience of being that wallflower; a slip of a girl at a fancy ball, face bursting with red and eyes also turned away behind her large rounded glasses, and both her hands curled up protectively to her chest...

“Oh... my ... GOD!” Mey-rin gasped out at this revelation occurring in her head.

Sebastian wanted to be a WOMAN?!

But why?! HOW?! and WHY NOW?!! Sebastian had never shown any signs like this before, and he seemed to really enjoy being a butler and a MAN as long as Mey-rin had known him! Even when she now knew under that guise was some kind of supernatural, hellish creature that may not normally abide by human norms such as being labelled a gender of some sort, he certainly didn’t seem uncomfortable to HER in looking and acting like a human male!

Though, looking back into the letter, Mey-rin recalled Grelle mentioning he felt “uncomfortable in his skin” but it wasn’t exactly like what she dealt with!

Then.. what was it?!

Hmmm, she said it was “on occasion”.. So that may explain why she’d never seen this before until now! Perhaps.. perhaps it was more like when clothes and shoes began to wear down after being used so long? Sebastian had been a butler for quite a while, after all... And who knows what he’d been before this and for how long.

Had Sebastian in the past, in other “contracts”, been a female..?

And what had.. she looked like?

Mey-rin’s mind instantly answered with images of a possible female rendition of her demon love, imagining a similar height and similar build, but her body curvy and softer... her face rounder and eyes bigger... lips...

Knock, knock! came from her door and Mey-rin QUICKLY shook her head and smacked the sides of her face with her palms to snap out of it!

“.. Time to get to work, Mey-rin.” came Sebastian’s usual voice. Just.. quieter and almost plain sounding.

“Y-Yes! I’ll be right out, Mis-- Er ah Sebastian!” Mey-rin stammered, remembering at the last minute what Grelle had told her about using certain words and not using certain words.

“even the smallest of words can mean the difference between happiness and misery”

Mey-rin was definitely going to keep that in mind. To see how things went if she perhaps just followed Grelle’s advice to the letter!

She almost didn’t hear Sebastian’s feet quietly clomping away without a response back, she was so pumped to try this!

I trust you with all my heart on this, love! She thought with a bit of heat sinking into her face, and then quickly headed out!

Of course Sebastian along with everyone else was already in the kitchen when she finally made it. And as usual Mey-rin planted her feet in line next to Bardroy, standing straight and proper, arms at her sides, shoulders squared, and eyes boring into the butler across the way.

Sebastian.. went on as usual, though. Listing off today’s chores and everything, eyes more on the papers in his hands than anything else.

Finally, though, he looked up and took all the servants in.

“- Is that understood?” He prompted, like any head butler should.

And of course, everyone automatically shot their hands up to their forehead in a salute.

“YES, SIR!”

“..Yes, Sebastian!” Mey-rin cried, timing it perfectly to shout just after everyone else, a big happy smile on her face, just like any other day, right?

... Even Snake was looking at the maid as if she’d spoken something utterly blasphemous.

However, Mey-rin did not care about their reactions. All she cared about was seeing that butler snap his head over to look at her, staring long and hard as if he were asking her ‘what the hell are you up to?’

And yet still she remained in place, still saluting, still smiling, and waited.

“Very well, off to work then.” Sebastian entoned, not bothering to put the papers down for once but merely slapping them and his other hand together in a clap.

And then his eyes darted for those papers again.. turned away, almost as if trying to.. escape.

This proved to only make it easier for Mey-rin to stealthily slip up beside him, and shoot up and kiss his cheek. Firmly.

“..I.. I think you really look pretty today, dear.” She nearly squeaked out, nerves giving in a little. But it wasn’t going to entirely stop her! No way!

And was rewarded grandly for her efforts by seeing Sebastian Michaelis turn... pink! He shifted a little to face her now, eyebrows lifting and eyes widening, and Mey-rin felt her heart dancing with victory.

All she could do was grin, give the butler a WINK, and tell him “See you in a bit, my darling!”

And then Mey-rin BOLTED OUTTA THERE, trying to contain a squeal that kept building and building AND BUILDING!!

It’s working! I think it’s WORKING, Grelle! She shrieked in her mind, wishing her reaper was there to tackle in an embrace and bounce around a bit.

But no, not yet. Soon she would be, but in the meantime, Mey-rin knew now what she had to do! She KNEW she could do this!!

Over the course of the day, Mey-rin made sure even while still doing her job to run into the same path as the butler.

She started off with just giving him more of those side-eyes and smiles, winks and lingering stares.

This rapidly dissolved to stopping him for a quick cheek kiss here and there, maybe more than one! The more she kissed Sebastian’s flustered soft face, the more she really learned to appreciate it, wanting to see it more! Wanting to touch it more! Wanting to grab him up with all her strength and pin him to a wall! Lifting those long legs (or at least one), and gripping and squeezing his hip with the other tightly as she delved into the hot gasping cavern of his gaping mouth, moaning back along with him.. He was so hot, so gorgeous, she wanted to ravage this demon!

“M-Mey- I- I- I want,” Sebastian was gasping as he arched against a wall, not caring the least at the new slightly awkward arrangement of being aggressively smothered by the smaller woman. “I-I need -!”

Mey-rin only pulled away a few inches, still breathing harshly against his jaw and neck.

It took her a moment to think of what to say in this situation, for all she had really worked out was just dishing out more affection than before to the demon, but now as her brain started to come back to reality a moment, putting the slowly spiralling down smut to the side for an instant, she thought on what Sebastian was really saying to her currently. Well, more like begging for...

Oh, yeah!

Mey-rin slowly mouthed over Sebastian’s long, thin angled jaw, teeth barely grazing.. before curling her tongue out to lick.

“What do you need, love? Go on, tell me... I will do everything in my power to give it to you...” She managed to purr out, trying for the suavest voice she could manage given the higher tone of her voice.

It seemed to actually work, too! Sebastian was now practically shuddering against her!

“Ta-take me, love.” He finally got out, voice so soft, so so SO shaken that it made the woman pinning him firmly into the little alcove corner wall start to lose her balance at just hearing it!

“Oh sh-shite, Seb..” Mey-rin squeaked, letting a bit of her more usual self shine through. She had to bow her head a bit as it bloomed even hotter red than his face was!

A... huff of a laugh reached her ears next and she had to look up, seeing the demon’s once flustered face looking much more amused.. Well, still a bit hot and bothered under the collar too, but..

“It- it’s alright, Mey, dear. If this is too far for you, I completely understand. We most certainly do not need to--!!!”

Mey-rin shut him up quick with another kiss, this time being sure to use a bit of her teeth to bite and nip at that pretty little mouth of his.

“I didn’t mean I wanna stop!” She hissed out, carefully removing his leg from around her, but not detaching herself entirely. Her hands went for that tie of his again, tugging it while she started to move out of their hiding spot. “I just know we gotta get movin’, yes we do! ‘Cause there’s no way I could do anythin’ like that here!”

And with the practiced ease only someone highly trained in stealth and a demon of hell who could be the shadows themselves, the two darted down to the servant quarters to escape into Mey-rin’s room.

Sebastian was once again of the mind to offer that they wait until a better time or some such thing, but that thought was quickly erased from existence entirely when the smaller woman pushed him into her bed and then promptly crawled on top of him.

She got to work immediately of relinquishing him of his butler attire, kissing and biting and licking at every revealed bit of flesh, smiling in pride when the being under her started to tremble again.

“Oh Sebastian, you’re so gorgeous..!” She started to gasp out, the words coming much more naturally now. It was almost as if it were the first time seeing him naked all over again!

Just in a bit of a new light!

“That’s... I-I get what you’re trying to a-accomplish, love. You don’t need to-”

“Shhhh,” Mey-rin hushed against his abdomen, lips mouthing and brushing over the soft flawless skin there. “Yes, yes I do, Sebastian. I want to.. I..” She looked up, up over the line of his body and into his shimmering red eyes. “I want you. I want to take you, Sebastian.. Make... M-Make love to you..” Making sure to emphasise that she was fully aware of what she was doing, what she was going to do.

“I... th-that’s...” Sebastian bit his lip hard with his sharpening fangs, not caring in the least when he accidentally bit through flesh and it bled, dribbling down his chin. Nothing could distract Sebastian in this moment from these turn of events! “Mey-rin..” He simply moaned out, and tried to reach out and curve a still gloved hand around her sweet, determined little face and into her soft fluffy red hair.

Smirking, the girl leaned into the hand, nuzzling and then moving to put her mouth around a digit, bite, and then finally pull.

The butler’s glove came off effortlessly and just that one moment had the man moaning again under her.

Yes, Mey-rin had certainly picked up on a few weaknesses of her demon in the past, even if it hadn’t been her above him or her in control of him. She was a fast learner when it came to her lovers, much more interested in retaining this kind of information than that of doing chores and housekeeping.

And the head butler didn’t seem to mind in the least as his now naked palm curled into her hair, petting and stroking and giving it a little.. pull as well as Mey-rin continued on her way.

Oh, and lets not forget what they had learned about her.

Gasping at the hair tugging, Mey-rin once again looked up into his glowing, slit-pupiled eyes.

“Is someone getting impatient?”

“.. Only a little.” Sebastian murmured, giving her a cute little pout. “You started out so aggressive, dear. What happened?”

Mey-rin merely snorted and turned her head to grab the fingers of his other hand with just her teeth themselves.

She pulled and gnawed and drooled over the cotton, mostly on purpose, before finally yanking that glove off too.

Spitting it out carelessly, she finally answered.

“I did say I want to make love to you, Sebastian.. Taking it slow is kind of the point, yeah? So why do you just lay back, sit pretty, and take it all in, hmm?”

That got a sputter out of the demon, looking away again and blushing.

Oh good lord, you really are a big idiot. Mey-rin thought, and sighed as she started to trail kisses from his middle, moving back up, and then finally back to those lips that were now messy with blood.

“Ah- wait- l-let me clean up--” Sebastian started to protest as the lady got to work kissing and licking all over his mouth, already taking in that demon blood that had spilled before he could do anything.

“Sebastian,” She grunted, “please shut up, love.”

Eyebrows skyrocketing, Sebastian stared on as his lover actually finally began the process of undoing his pants and also reaching under her skirt to reach her panties.

Well, he hoped she would at least allow him to express himself still with moans and groans, because he had a feeling that in mere minutes it would be impossible to stop.

Sure enough, long into the late afternoon and early evening, Mey-rin took the demon in her bed.

Passionately, aggressively, and very much dominating him entirely. As if she had been the one capable of possession all along!

But finally it had to end, as there were multiple reasons that they could not continue. (Though a part of Sebastian REALLY did wish to simply stay there, under her, forever.)

One being Sebastian was still a butler that needed to return to his master for the end of the day. (Ciel had been thankfully busy all day with Funtom business reports.) Another, rather very important thing Sebastian still forgot on occasion, was that his human lover currently above him certainly deserved and required a rest after all this.

And one final reason being that Sebastian finally felt after this that they should.. talk. Maybe not about everything yet, but he did feel he certainly owed the poor thing a bit of some kind of explanation.

“Mey-rin..?” He called softly, as she was no longer panting hard and had simply laid down on top of him.

When he carefully lifted her head a little to make out her expression, Sebastian blinked and then... couldn’t help but full on smile.

She’d fallen asleep.

Sighing, the demon moved to sit up finally, carefully and ever so gently removing his lover from himself and then laying her down in her own bed, tucking her in with the most tenderness he’d ever used with a partner.

Mey-rin did not fully awaken, but she did stirr a little, squeezing the closest thing, her pillow, and mumbling out something that sounded an awful lot like, “.. love you..so much, sebasti.. an...”

And Sebastian found himself almost blushing again. He bit his lip a moment, before leaning down and tucking her messy hair away and kissing her cheek, and then her forehead for good measure.

“... And I you, Mey-rin.” He confessed in barely a whisper in her ear, before using his powers to vanish directly out of the room, and return to his butler duties at once.

However, much later, when Mey-rin finally woke up, the demon was in fact there, as if he’d never left. He had changed up his attire a little to seem more casual, no longer in a butler coat and vest and tie, and his shoes removed as well.

He gestured toward a kart he’d brought in with him, a pitcher of water and a glass along side it. “I believe you might require some of this, dear.”

Mey-rin groaned and slowly sat up, feeling a lot sorer than she thought she would! It wasn’t her first time going through this, after all, but perhaps the positioning had made a difference?

Gratefully, she took the offered glass and drank the water straight down, again surprised at how parched she was.

“Would you like anything else, love?” He asked as he took the now empty glass back and set it down. “Perhaps a bath to deal with those likely sore muscles?” He smirked a little at that, looking smug as ever.

Mey-rin sighed and adjusted herself some more, “Well, perhaps maybe... but.. only if you’re in it with me, and I get to take care of YOU!”

Sebastian had gotten up, already heading for Mey-rin’s personal bathroom, only to nearly stumble forward at her response.

“Mey-rin, come on now!” He blurted out, looking almost insulted. “I have appreciated everything so far, but you do not need to pamper me like- like a-” He seemed to stammer and look away, and at first Mey-rin wasn’t sure if he just couldn’t come up with something or...

Mey-rin started to grin.

“Like a... lady?”

Sebastian was instantly turning away and not facing the woman any time soon. He crossed his arms tight, and refused to acknowledge the extreme heat building in his face once again.

“Like maybe you feel like a lady and want to be treated like one, even if you’re still stuck.. looking like a man?”

“M-Mey-rin, please.”

There was that soft, timid voice again. It still sounded scared! After everything they’d gone through, he was still denying it!

“Sebastian, come here.” She beckoned more softly.

Sebastian let out an airy, shaky sigh.

“E-Even if you know the truth now, there’s nothing that can be done, Mey.. A contract is binding in many ways. I have to remain as I am required to be here.”

He finally looked at her again, while his arms curled about his middle and his fingers dug into his white shirt.

“...No matter what I wish to personally be right now..”

Mey-rin smiled sadly and lifted a hand out, beckoning to him again to join her.

“Well, that doesn’t stop anyone else from treating you the way you should be treated, my love.. Because now that I know, I want to try my best to treat you properly, okay?”

Sebastian smiled finally, but still a little sadness showing even in that.

“If.. if you wish to, then so be it..”

He came back over and plopped down beside her, and Mey-rin instantly maneuvered to sit up even more, reaching up to grasp his head and bring it down upon her shoulder as she started petting his soft ebony hair.

After a second of that, Sebastian couldn’t help but start to purr, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around the smaller girl.

Mey-rin couldn’t help the giggle that tumbled out. She’d never get used to that.

But after a bit of simply petting him like a large cat, Mey-rin remembered something!

“Oh, hold on! I wanna try something!”

“Hmmn?”

Without answering, Mey-rin was up and hurrying over to her little vanity. She grabbed her brush and then reached into the drawers and took out some familiar hair clips; the same pretty ones Grelle had brought up in her letter!

“... And what are you planning with those?” Sebastian asked, voice raising in mild concern.

“To help you!” Was all she said, coming back over and getting up in the bed, but on her knees so she could reach the top of her lover’s head. “Now just hold still, I’ve never tried this with anyone other than myself!”

Face remaining in a slightly confused and concerned fashion, Sebastian just obeyed, not completely sure even how this would help him...

But once again he found himself soothed a little by the motions of the brush going through his bangs and hair, eyes even closing again as well.

Even if Mey-rin did wish to see the demon in this happy little state forever, she was almost done after clipping and adjusting two pretty little hair clips into his brushed down bangs. It was the best she could do, really, when his hair was a bit too short for any more than that. But, pulling back, she found the results... rather adorably satisfying!

“Oh, Sebastian, look!” She gushed, grabbing up a hand mirror and turning it to face him.

Sebastian’s eyes fluttered open as the mirror was thrust into view, and stared on at the reflection before him..

Nothing much was different, except for the obvious new additions attached to his bangs on the left side.

A bright, blooming red rose hair clip was on top, almost looking like a real one if not for how extremely tiny it was, and right under it was a tiny, intricate purple butterfly hair clip, shimmering in the lights of Mey-rin’s room.

“This is..” Sebastian’s mouth twitched, and then a smile cracked through his surprise and awe. “They’re lovely, dear. Thank you.” His eyes shut again and his head bowed a little as face turned almost redder than the little rose.

“Oh no, you’re lovely, Sebastian!” Mey-rin immediately responded, really actually feeling it was true as she held the pretty demon in her bed.

Sebastian just chuckled and leaned into her, not sure what else to say.. until he looked into that mirror again.

“However, I do believe I’ve seen these hair clips before... Specifically when a certain reaper of ours gave them to you.” His honest smile starting to curl into a more mischievous smirk. “Why do I have the feeling those clips aren’t the only things you’ve received recently from her?”

It was Mey-rin’s turn to blush, a nervous giggle bubbling out as she pulled back to just fiddle with her hands in front of her.

“Well, you know, Grelle does have a woman’s intuition.. Even more so than me! So.. ”

Sebastian had put the mirror down finally, and reached out to draw the flustered little human girl back into his arms. He squeezed her tight and kissed her cheek tenderly, knowing for sure now that he wasn’t going to let her go for the rest of the night.

“So, we’ll both have to be sure to thank her properly when she returns to us, won’t we, my dear?”

#kuroshitsuji #my writing #kuroshitsuji au #sebagrelle #sebagrell #sebamey #grellrin #grellerin #sebagrellerin #sebagrellrin #sebastian michaelis #grelle sutcliff #grell sutcliff #mey rin #IS THAT ENOUGH TAGS YET

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