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coexistentialism · 4 months

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did anything in particular help u get over denial bc u don’t know much abt your alters? I feel like a silly to think I could have this disorder bc I’m very clueless

Hmm... Other than my diagnosis and generally teaching myself, I'm not entirely sure.

Note here when I say "you" in this post, I'm not directing this at you, Anon, specifically!

Mostly just a lot of research. Like so much research. Please, PLEASE do research - actual research - if and when you can, even if you have to find audiobooks or find alternative ways to research, as long as you are not solely getting your information from social media! Including me man! Do your own research! I am a human being too and I am capable of being wrong! I would LOVE to share places where I research, how I research, etc. if anyone is interested in a post like that.

Talking to other systems, being in (...good..) system spaces, and learning about other systems' experiences, both different and similar to my own. You can browse blog pages, forum posts, Reddit, Tumblr, read books, watch short films made by people with DID/OSDD, find other YouTubers to watch, etc. I can also share a post about some stuff I recommend, like Forums and Reddit posts and blogs.

Throw out OSDD versus DID. I'm so serious. I think some people who question DID/OSDD have treated questioning it like way too seriously and I kinda just wanna go. Who cares man. If you suspect you have DID or OSDD, who cares, just say you suspect DID or OSDD. You. Don't need to narrow it down to one, I promise you it doesn't matter as much as the internet acts like it does. I think the DID criteria could do with changing and to be less restrictive in order to include a wider variety of presentations and experiences. At the end of the day, when somebody says they're an OSDD system, this means SO many different things for SO many different people. You ask one person with OSDD what that means for them and they might have a totally different answer than someone else with OSDD. I just think people should learn to be okay with saying "I suspect DID/OSDD, I don't know which" more often instead of attempting to figure out which one they have. The reason it's so confusing is because OSDD doesn't have criteria. It doesn't have criteria for you to meet and the internet makes shit up about OSDD, so you get fed misinformation about it and things don't add up and don't make sense because it's misinformation. So just throw this out and learn to be okay with not knowing whether it's DID or OSDD. It's okay. You don't have to narrow it down. Relax NFDKJASKD

Tips:

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ANYTHING THAT YOU READ ABOUT DID/OSDD ONLINE THAT YOU FOUND HELPFUL - SAVE IT SOMEWHERE! I promise you will want to look back at them and read them over and over again several times and each time you do, you will realize things you hadn't before. So often, I've gone back and read research papers that I've read in the past, or books, etc. and found that I understood them much better, that they made me realize a lot more about myself, etc. than the first time I read them. Or the second time, or the third time, etc.

Lots and lots of journaling, even if you think it's useless/pointless, even if you think it's unhelpful, even if you don't understand the point. I did not understand how journaling would help me figure out my alters because I was expecting myself to magically find something written there like the next day with no memory of it, and it. Does not fuckign work that way LMFAO at least not for most people. I was expecting the wrong thing, I was assuming that that was the indicators of switching I was looking for, that I was supposed to communicate to my alters in that way, but I knew that that wasn't an experience I would have, and I obviously didn't experience it, so I didn't understand the point. It soon became clear how wrong I was NFKSDNFJKADNKJDASF

It's okay to be ""cringe."" It's okay to be ""weird."" Let yourself be weird as Hell. Let yourselves be "cringey." It's okay. Be free. NFDJFNKDSA

Allow your experiences to Just Be. You don't have to figure out if that experience was a switch right now, you don't have to figure out if that voice you heard was Truly An Alter right now, I just mean that you don't have to overthink it and you can allow your experiences to simply happen and then analyze them later. It's okay. Even if they are weird, even if they are cringey, even if they're embarrassing. I mean, so long as no-one is harmed, but even in that case, it's okay to put safety measures into place, or find alternatives, find coping skills, or if something harmful has already happened, to attempt to mend it, and analyze things later, etc. Things will come to you as long as you let them, but you won't be able to figure things out if you refuse to allow experiences to simply happen instead of overthinking it, like I used to do where I constantly just felt like "but that's not truly an alter, so-" and just refused to let things Just Happen.

Most importantly: take your time. seriously. this is a process that can - unfortunately - agonizingly take several years. but the pay-off is worth it and when you start to feel that denial lessen, you will look back and feel as if no time as passed (or is that the dissociation NFJDASNFK

I think that's about everything I can think of so far!

#inbox #my posts

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fandom-rants · 10 months

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What’s your opinion about Tony taking Peter along with him to the airport? Of course he did NOT force him or blackmail him, people are literally making shit up to make Tony look bad (because that’s literally all they have, just words without facts) but just in general what do you think?

The way i see it, this is a good, supposed to be safe mission preparation first mission for him, but people saying he was bad for doing this to peter.

What do you think?

I mean, storyline-wise, it's pretty forced. The MCU high-ups were like, "Spider-Man makes money; let's get him in there!" So. What can you do.

From within, I liked how we were already well past his origin story, and I loved the dynamic between two Nerdy Boys, I thought the thing about Aunt May being young was weird but fine, since I love getting away from tropes and the 'sweet grandma' trope has been beaten to death. I loved Spider-Man as he was written and acted because he was the quintessential silly nerd weirdo who got crazy excited over stuff and nerded out about weaponry and superheroes and everything.

I liked how Tony was explicitly stated to order Peter to stay back and just web them up. I like how both of them were still playing around a little bit; the "Underoos!" thing made it clear Tony wanted Steve to knock it off but never expected a real fight. Even after having Spider-Man take Steve's shield, he still didn't instigate a battle; he just wanted to use Spider-Man as a tool for de-escalation. I was pleasantly surprised, at the time, by Steve being the one to push for a battle, and for his side to end up going WAY too far over and over again, because it proved his imperfections, which I love to see in my superheroes. (I of course abhorred the backtracking in later movies.)

Overall, I thought Tony noticing Peter made sense, since Tony's been leading the Avengers in all but name since the start, no matter what anyone says about Steve, and it makes sense for Tony to be on the lookout for others like himself and the team. It also makes sense that Tony sat on this after learning who Peter was until he found he needed someone to help him get his friends back before the United States government killed them. I wasn't fond of the sudden trip to Germany, but I understood the need for speed and, with the information given about Tony's original plan, I realize he was backed against a wall and making a tough choice.

I loved how, when everything got bad as hell, Tony stopped everything and ran to Peter to order him to stand down and stay out of the fight; I loved how scared he'd been when he'd gotten to Peter's side, because the kid had been in real danger thanks to Steve's team and could have gotten hurt far worse. It is telling to me that Steve was the one to injure Peter, even after learning how young Peter was (there's no way Peter's voice was the voice of an adult, ffs), yet Steve did not ensure Peter was okay. Tony did. Tony was the one to check if the kid was all right and then ensure he stayed out of the increasingly escalating battle.

If the rest of the MCU movies hadn't come out and I hadn't been forced by a bunch of brats on the Internet to endure some of the dumbest bullshit the MCU fandom writes about how sweet angel Steve Rogers did no wrong and evil devil Tony Stark wrought the world asunder, I would actually say that I loved Civil War, for all its faults. Because Steve wanted to be a hero, Tony kept trying to hold everything together, and neither of them did a perfect job but Tony did well and Steve did horribly, and it was about time we got some character depth on Captain America and got to see Tony's merits as a leader, too.

And then. You know. The rest of the movies, and the fandom, and now I want to burn the world to ashes every time someone even mentions MCU Steve Rogers or Civil War to me.

#mcu rant #avengers rant #civil war rant #anti steve rogers #anti fandom #anti fandom stupidity #tl;dr - Spider-Man was done well and his part in the battle was done well #humans are just stupid #long post

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reidslovely · 7 months

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How to Disappear: Life Unknown.

A/N: If you are reading this I finally decided to let this fic see the light of day. I wasn’t sure if this is something I wanted to post or not, seeing as Link is a very complex character. By that I mean he’s literally a walking piece of shit. But at the same time I’m constantly telling myself that it is normal to write fix it fics for awful characters, but like the whole Isabelle situation is very hard to write about. I wanted to see an ending for Link/Alex where he gets the help he deserves. He is severely mentally ill. But I also wanted to touch on Link’s past, and how this went on for as long as it did.I also selfishly wanted to see him have a love story and have human emotions sooo..

Please reblog and comment, pretty please.

Genre: Fix it Fic

Pairing: Link/Alex Goodrich x Fem! Reader/OC-ish

Content Warnings: Mentions of suicide, person talking about struggles of being on the ASPD spectrum, talks of psychiatric hospital stays, bodily harm, neglect of child’s mental health.

Alexander Goodrich

It glared back at him in dull blue ink.

It was an unfamiliar moniker scrawled at the top of the sign out sheet. The longer he stared the more alien it felt to him. Alex was a kid who burnt down a school, Alexander was the beloved son to a local politician who had to put on a good face for mommy and daddy.

Parents who deny their kid mental health assistance, create monsters. The Goodrich’s today would deny that the hot mess YouTuber, donning the name ‘No One Special’ or more simply Link, was not their estranged son. That their dear son, Alex, had run off two months into a psychiatric stay that never happened; never to be seen again. When in all reality he was shipped off to a boarding school he had run away from only days later. Since that day he was constantly ghosting about, avoiding the issues he had caused by running away. No amount of running could stop the issues he had for so long. He was not- is not a good person. But before facing that knowledge he knew he could always run away, try again- and if that didn’t work; he’d run away again.

Till he couldn’t run anymore.

Everywhere he ran cameras, girls, articles talking about no one special followed him. He had fucked up, worse than he had in a long time. A girl died because of him, because he let power get to his head. Not because of Frankie, Jake, or the internet.

Because of him. He was the reason a girl was dead.

“Alex.” A nurse's voice rang out through the white, cold halls of the hospital.

Evansport Long-Term Psychiatric Care Facility in LA was a cold place, even with its blue and yellow painted walls. This had been home for the last two years, and this time it was different. He swiped at his nose standing up nervously, shoving his sweaty hands into his pockets as he approached the older woman. Counting the tiles as he walked, this was it- he was finally getting to leave. He was ready, he was different- he hoped.

“Mr. Goodrich, can’t say I’m not sad to see you go.” Dorothy says, passing the bag of his belongings off to him. Alex nodded, giving her a grateful smile; he tucked the clear bag under his arm hugging the older woman. This was something he had been working on since his diagnosis. Alex had always known there was something going on with him, something much bigger than himself- that made him act how he did. It’s not that he didn’t want to be good, he did. Alex always wanted to be good, no matter what the child psychologists would say. He just didn’t know what exactly being good meant, he had always had these…urges. Whether it was to knock his peers off the swingset, beat that kid from gym classes head in if he stared for too long. Alex had no impulse control, he struggled to relate to his peers. But, mom and dad said he’d grow out of it; he never did. He tried, god he tried but he could never find a good way to help himself.

He was not a good person. But he was trying.

“Thank you Dottie.” Alex said, dropping his arms, patting his bag. “Do you think there will be people out there?” He asked after a minute, his head nodding towards the door. His voice flattered for a second, there were still people curious about him and it made him sick. Before it would have thrilled him, but now..he didn’t even want to see one camera in his face. The flash alone would send him into a spiral he feared.

“No, no they never guess dismissal right from those silly sources. Besides, you look a little different now huh? Wouldn’t notice you unless they stared at ya to hard.”

He did. Link, now Alex, had changed since his check in date. His blonde hair had grown out past his shoulders into his natural brown at one point. Dorothy took it upon herself to cut it for him when he’d max out on reward points. He now dawned a bit more stubble, and perfect brown hair, with a hat and sunglasses no one would notice him- hopefully.

Alex checked everything one last time, before giving Dorothy a tight-lipped smile and turned on his heel heading for the door. It felt like a threat, a gun pointed to his head. He always thought what this day would be like, what he would do when he got out. Link, that’s who he was when he checked in, thought he would be here two months before he got sick of it. He would check out, cut his hair and run away again, but then the therapy, the medication- it all started to help.

Admitting there was a problem, admitting that he was the problem and that a young girl had died because of what he did. Alex realized he had to change, that it was finally time to help himself.

No more lies.

He gave Isbelle’s family the requested money in court before there was even an opening testament, only requesting to return back to the psychiatric facility with what he had left to pay for it. Now here he was about to throw up, as he crossed the threshold into his new life.

His face flushed at the sunlight, he silently shut the door and started walking up the long driveway towards the gate. He sniffled and cleared his throat, sitting on a bench he’d claim as his own on his daily walks, he wasn’t quite ready to take those last few steps out of the gate. Digging in the bag, he pulled everything out: a black button up and slacks he had worn to court, a hoodie, his wallet, his phone.

His phone, he tossed it between his hands- the weight felt sickening in his hand.

“If it hadn’t been for the phone- no the phone didn’t cause this.” He reminded himself, he turned it on. Not knowing why, or what he thought he was gonna get out of it. The biggest part of him hoped it wouldn’t turn on, in the two years it had been shut off that it just magically died.

The ping of it turning on made him irrationally angry, wanting to just shut it off. Floods of text messages washed over his screen. No twitter, no instagram- he had deleted them on their way back from court.

For a minute everything stopped, no more text messages- till a final ding.

Frankie - Today 8:06 am.

“twitter source says your stay ends today. we should talk.”

His brother must have been paying on his phone bill somehow, he never mentioned it in their phone conversations. His thumbs danced over the keyboard, typing and erasing a replay- what did he say? Three dots popped up, soon replaced by a message.

Frankie - Today 8:15 am.

“you know where to find me.”

He closed his phone, shoving it into the pocket of his sweatpants, finally standing and pushing the gate open.

The old magic bar was in the middle of town, it was a bit of a walk but it did him good. The sun felt nice, it was finally fall, which meant the wind blew through here and there. As he reached the now abandoned building he halted, looking around. What if this was some sort of ambush- and the minute he walked down that alley his face would be everywhere in the next couple hours. His heart-rate increased, it felt like it was stuck in his throat.

Alex’s feet carried him forward with hesitant, quiet steps. If someone was waiting for him they wouldn’t hear him coming.

“Frankie is good, too good. She wouldn’t do that. Even if that’s what you deserved.”

He thought to himself as he looked around. He shoved his hands into his sweatpants, picking at the lint twirling it around between his fingers. Footsteps carefully found their way up the steps, he turned his head automatically.

Frankie looked older now, more mature. Her hair was longer, tucked behind her ear showing her scar off proudly. He always liked when she was confident. Her clothes are no longer ill fitted, but tailored and comforting. She’s come into her own.

“Hope you’re not here to ambush me.” He says quietly, taking in the woman before him. Frankie shook her head, her fingers dancing on the metal railing.

“No, no. I should but-” She stopped herself, looking around. “I’ve gotten out of the habit of picking out others' to feel better about myself. You should try it.”

Alex laughed, well, he blew air out of his nostrils and let his lips curl up into a bitter smile. “Yeah, me too. Never made me feel better about myself.”

“Could have shocked me.”

It was a silence for a moment, it was an unpleasant memory sitting here with her like this. There was a unpleasant lingering in the air like a bomb was going to drop.

“Did you love me? Or even like me?”

There it was.

What a weighted question, he gripped the metal railing swaying back and forth on his feet. “No.” He admitted, looking Frankie in her eye. “I didn’t love you- I don’t love I haven’t since..well in a really long time. I think..” He stopped himself, thinking about his next few words carefully. “I was infatuated with you. I tricked myself into thinking I loved you. I hurt you and I’m sorry it had to happen for me to be here now.”

Frankie stared at Link, Alex- whoever this new man in front of her was. “So who was she? There’s always a ‘she’ in these situations isn’t there?”

Alex laughed, rolling a rock under the sole of his shoe. “Was she one of the girls who fooled around with while we-”

“No, no..no. She was a girl I had known a long time ago, in high school. I think she was the last person who had ever tried to understand me. She didn’t look at me like a project.”

Alex’s heart twisted into a knot thinking about the girl who had up and left him, their hometown, everything. It had been the catalyst- the incident that sent him over the edge. Where was she now?

It wasn’t a jab to Frankie, however the twitch of her nose let him know he had offended her. “Sorry, sorry I shouldn’t have said that” It was sincere, Frankie shrugged her shoulders.

“No it’s true. We just got caught up in each other, the game. We weren’t good people.”

“No we weren’t but, hey, I was worse. Clearly.”

Frankie laughed, then the silence grew again. His mind wondered before looking back at the blonde in front of him.

“You should find her again, when you leave LA.”

“How’d you know I’d leave?” He laughed, tilting his head back. “It’s what I do huh?”

“Kind of.” Frankie says resting her forearms on the railing. “But I’m serious. If you’re on this righteous road of washed up celebrity maybe you should find the one person who made you feel-”

“Like a human?”

“Your words not mine.” Frankie says, pointing a boney finger at him. Alex tilted his head forward and let out a sigh. It had been almost a decade since he had disappeared from his home state, was there any point in returning. He was dead to them, a ghost. Did (Y/N) think he was dead too?

“Yeah, yeah maybe I will.”

Frankie nodded at him, waiting for a minute before taking a step back. “You look good, Link. I am happy for you, but don't think I can forgive you though. Maybe in time.” The man nodded at her, he understood- he didn’t want her forgiveness he just wanted her to know.

“I respect that.” He started, pushing himself off the steel railing with his hands in his hoodie pocket. “It’s Alex now by the way.”

Frankie shoved her hands in her pockets looking at him, her eyes raked over his face trying to read him- it still wasn’t easy to manage. “Well, Alex, I hope to see you doing good in the future.”

“You won't see anything about me. I’m done gonna head back to Connecticut, disappear and become a hermit on the coast.”

“Well, maybe you could keep me updated.” She says as she walks away.

“Are you like my sponsor or something?” He laughs as he stands straight. Frankie shrugged, turning to face him stopping in her tracks.

“Maybe. Go find that girl..have a human experience. Leave everyone alone.”

Alex raised his eyebrows holding back a laugh, he wouldn’t know a human experience if it bit him in the ass. He watched her leave, the two raising their hands in an unspoken goodbye. Alex walked out of the alley and into the sun of Los Angeles, breathing in the toxins of the city one last time before heading towards the nearest city.

Come tomorrow, he would be gone again.

taglist: @helloheyhihowdyheya @tarzinnia @a-lumos-in-the-nox @sincericida @moonyslove78 @messymissy @toomanyfictionalboyfriends @eevylynn

#andrew garfield #andrew garfield x reader #andrew garfield again #andrew garfield x female reader #andrew garfield x you #link x reader #link mainstream #link mainstream x reader #alex goodrich x reader #andrew garfield fanfiction #tasm peter parker imagine #tasm peter parker x reader

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sweetingtea · 9 months

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I posted this on my Instagram story and I just thought everyone should know.

CW: suicide talk, gay talk, serious talk (I hate being /s I’d rather be /j 😒)

“OMG!! tHiNk Of ThE cHiLdReN😭😩😩”

This is starting to feel more of an excuse than a reason to hate on this specific topic. This movie HEAVILY implies SUICIDE (which, personally, I don’t think is a bad thing for the movie) and you are worried about two men kissing being too much for your kid?

This is literally:

“I can condone a person feeling like they’re just no longer an important member of society so they think the best option is to kill themself—BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT TWO BEAUTIFUL MEN EXPRESSING THEIR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER.”

Honestly, get over yourself if you really think like this.

You see two men being disgusting.

I see two humans loving each other.

We are not the same :)

I’m not asking for them to like the movie, everyone has their preferences, but to just move on and find something more of their style. THEY GOT A LOT OF THOSE. This movie was made specifically for people like me, like the LGBTQ+; to dig deep into our brains and to help people metaphorically understand what we go through and what others actions could result into us feeling/doing just because we choose to be what makes US happy. No need to post something like that as like a “warning”.

It’s like this: I don’t like “Never Have I Ever” (on Netflix btw!!)

It is not bad by any means! Some of the little snip-bits I see on TikTok are pretty cool and funny but when I tried to watch it, I just couldn’t get into it; not my taste. Yet, you don’t see me going around the internet warning people about it’s contents because it may have some things I don’t like or agree with or I think is stupid, doesn’t mean it’s bad, just means it’s not FOR ME.

And I moved on.

Simple as that. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don’t try to ruin something for everyone else just because you don’t like it.

One, that’s a horrible way to live; two, you are probably not fun at parties :/

—(you can ignore this part if you want, I’m just ranting on at this point)—

Also, back to the “cHiLdReN😩” thing…

They don’t care.

Nope, don’t give a shit.

Unless you make them give a shit.

I am no parent to any child at all, but I was raised by my mutter (❤️) who let me make my own decisions, gave her opinion and left it at that with no fight whatsoever. Sometimes, she was even right when it came to my options. Even if she didn’t get it, she would always TRY to understand.

Let me give you an example:

I technically don’t care what pronouns I am called, but for legal reasons, I am a she/her female outside the internet. My mutter, who grew up with womanhood back in the day (millennials 🙄/j), was told that women should always shave their legs. So, I was too.

Me though? I ignored that part when I grew into my teenage years. I started shaving when I wanted to (which isn’t often tbh) and only when I wanted to. Not when other people thought I should, it was when I thought I should that mattered to me.

My mutter? Didn’t get it at first.

When I walked around with my leg hair out, she would start asking me when I planned on shaving; I would shrug and say, “probably soon.”

That would end up with me basically forgetting my leg hair existed. My grandma is the one who really doesn’t let that shit slide and has “threatened” to hold me down and let her do it, but I’m like: “stfu, not one gosh-diddly-darn soul asked for your fucking opinion, Susan 😐 and that’s really fucking weird”.

Honestly, after that first conversation, I was getting something from the kitchen when my mutter got out of her bed, walked up to me and asked: “Are you not shaving because you’re lazy or because you really don’t want to?”

I told her the truth, “I shave when I want to, ma.”

She takes that truth with her for the rest of her days.

My grandma still doesn’t like it; continues to remind me that people won’t accept me for it. However, I like to think my mutter has proved her wrong.

Now a days, I got my mom protecting me from it: “It’s her choice, it’s her decision, can’t you leave it at that?” She told my grandma (her mom) one day in the car. I’ve never smiled so wide. Over fucking leg hair, though, can you believe it?

My grandma still likes to complain anyway (she loves me, I swear, she’s just a tough cookie, and a boomer) but the more she does it, the more I laugh and we just move on.

Do you see what I’m getting at here?

You influence your kids.

But they are kids, they usually grow up thinking that their beloved parents are always right. They don’t know any better, until they grow up. Whether they choose to go down that path of hate you taught them or if they decide to expand their knowledge and UNDERSTAND what is going on with others heads is their choice and their choice alone. (I honestly encourage the latter, but, whatever floats the boat I guess.)

———

The Nimona movie is perfect. You don’t have to like it but it has reached into other peoples hearts, gave it a hug, saying “I understand you, you are not the only one, you are loved, you are safe with us, you are not alone.” At least give credit where credit is due. It sends out an important message for people who hate who they are to not hate who they are and to embrace the beauty within them. Show off the beauty and to never hide it just because of what others think.

Please don’t discourage others to not watch this movie.

Please, please, please, please, please, please, PLEASEEE show this to every person in the universe who needs to hear Nimona’s message. 😭🙏🏻

———

Lmao I’m done.

Holy shit, what a ride.

But, yeah, f🦆k the dude in the pic, watch Nimona 🦏💕

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morning-sun-brah · 4 months

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Okay so I've just GOTTA know... how the hell do you write the way you do?? I haven't been able to get sucked into any written work since high school, trauma brain and all. I used to live in books so it's been hell, but your writing got me back into reading, and makes it so I can get lost into that little world again, which I've craved but been able to have for like... so long. Writing is something I've always been into, but I let my fear of failure and need for perfection stop me. Just... do you have any advice for beginners?? It would mean the world to me, but I understand if it's an annoying ask! Thanks for reading no matter what!

Well I am just a mess reading this (in the best way possible).

First of all, thank you so much omfg. And of COURSE it isn't annoying! This is so flattering I'm about to cry my dude.

As far as tips on writing, I feel like I am not the person to ask because I'm just this little weirdo on the internet who likes turtles lol. But!! In an attempt to try and give real advice here is my response... and it got a little wordy so it's all under the break lmaoooo.

~Gin's rambling attempt to give writing advice~

Practice! Literally the only reason I can string coherent words together is because I've been doing this as a hobby for like two whole decades.

Also!! Read! Consuming other fics and books really helps. Sometimes you find a way of saying something that sticks with you. Sometimes you sit and think "I would have done it this way/said it this way." Sometimes you come out on the other end and go "Wow I am a hack that was amazing." Sometimes you finish something and go "Wow that was fucking terrible I'm amazing." Sometimes you read something and it fires off your brain, and you are left itching to write your own story. But however you feel, it's all GOOD FOR WRITING. It helps you grow! It literally helps you find your voice!

Other little things; When I write, I truly immerse myself. I am playing out in cinema format what is happening in the "scene." How is this person reacting? How do they look- down to facial expressions. How are they feeling? Is this something they would say? (would they fucking say that??? is something I think to myself every time I open a doc) And when I write it all down, I try my very best to convey that "scene" that played out in my head. I try to capture that character's voice, their mannerisms, their habits.

Does this even make sense? I sure hope so.

Also, flow. Make sure we're moving right along. Keep track of where hands, legs, and torsos are. If they were sitting when the scene started, and you need them standing to kiss or fight or do a thumb war, at some point you need to make sure you say they stood up. If a hand was on a cheek, it can't suddenly be on an ankle without telling the reader what happened.

I also just think adding little details helps with immersion. When we talk to people, we don't just stand around. We fidget. We pick our nails or scratch our arms or shuffle our feet. All those little details can add to that immersion (or I think so, I'm no expert). "He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck before saying..." - Wow, what an awkward little shit. "They scrunched their nose and gave a near-violent eye-roll" - Oh ok they are annoyed! "She shifted her feet and replied"- cool she's being a person, I shift my feet too, neato.

Anyway, nothing I wrote 20 years ago is as good as it is now. I'm highly convinced that I'll think the same thing in another 10 years, about anything I've published recently. But it is getting better, and it's because I keep at it. Having friends in the fandom and beta readers really helps. Make sure you find someone who you know will be positive but honest. And remember, YOU are always going to be your own worst critic.

God why did anyone ever let me have access to a computer. Why the FUCK is this so long? Does it even make sense? Jfc, I'm going to post it and eat a fucking cookie.

I believe in you anon. Also, I love you and thank you so much for making my whole week. I'm going to be so obnoxious about this shit, everyone expect to hear from my ass an annoying amount (kidding, but seriously I'm so fucking flattered thank you so much. This kind of shit makes me wonder what the fuck you're all reading because I swear I am just a silly gal with seasonal depression who needs a haircut).

((Also, anon, I wish you nothing but the best. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and know that I am sending you like a million hugs))

#anon ask #oh also!#write what you want #like- don't write what you think the fandom wants #write what YOU want to see #What YOU like #You're never going to please everyone #So just please yourself #wait that sounds bad #fuck it #sure please yourself whatever I said what I said

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rayshippouuchiha · 1 year

Note

Hi i wrote a fic and it has 312 hits but only 49 kudos/15 bookmarks/2 comments, so people saw it but didn't like it, or a few people saw it and reread it a lot? It's so hard to judge and because I was very nervous about posting this oneshot (worked on it for like 2 years) I guess I'm inclined to think negatively. Do you have any suggestions for how to reason it out/cope with stats not matching your own enthusiasm for your work? Coz argh.

Yeah things like that can be really easy to focus on and then even easier to let shake your confidence.

One thing you absolutely have to remember is that most fic authors have this problem to some degree. It's talked about a lot here on tumblr about how likes aren't the same as reblogs etc but the same kind of thing happens on AO3.

People read and/or bookmark but don't kudos, kudos but don't comment, etc etc. And it really makes it hard for authors to get an accurate feel as to how their stuff is being received which can, in turn, really hurt the confidence.

So, first, my best advice is to remember that, at the end of the day, you're writing for yourself. Write what you like, what you want to see written, want to consume, and you'll never lack for an audience because you'll enjoy your work first.

Second, you got to take fandom size into account. If you're writing for a small fandom then there's probably not going to be a huge pool of people to interact with your work. On the opposite end if you're writing for a larger fandom then sometimes works can get lost in the hustle and bustle of an active fandom where new content is being produced every single day. It's one of the reasons I also post links to my fics here on my tumblr and reblog them normally at 3 different times of day if I can to help make sure they circulate a bit more.

Third, stat numbers on AO3 can be really difficult to frame correctly in your mind. Try to reframe how you think about those numbers, try to think about them as actual people.

Here's what I mean by that:

You had 312 hits. Now if that's 312 individual people who read your fic? That's a lot of people, that's a decent-sized auditorium worth of people all reading your stuff. If it's 156 people who read it instead but they all read it 2 times each? Then that means that's half an auditorium who stayed to watch the same performance back to back or bought two sets of tickets and came again.

49 Kudos? Well shit that 49 people who lined up afterward to give you a high five. That's a lot of palms meeting palms.

15 Bookmarks? 15 of those people want to be able to find this again in the future. If they printed out 15 copies of your fic then that'd be a lot of paper and ink right there.

2 Comments? 2 people took the time to sit down and write you fanmail, no matter how long or short it is.

That's a lot of people even if it doesn't feel like it because of the nature of the internet.

So don't let it get you down darling.

#RayRambles #Fandom

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dontlikeadam · 1 day

Text

Folklore

My personal scoring system. 0-10 on how related to Matty and the situation I believe it is. 0= not at all, 10= totally fits

These albums (Folklore and Evermore) were sold to us as being about random stories she made up when she was in lockdown. Just random ideas and plots she had. Some from movies, tv shows, other peoples lives. We later found out they all seemed to be significantly more personal.

The One (8/10)

"I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit" worded as if alluding to new drugs concept

"roaring 20's, tossing pennie's in the pool" They were in their 20's the first round.

"never leaving well enough alone" common saying, also Chevelle song that was sort of emo-adjacent, also just also her never letting this go

"You meet some women on the internet and take her home" him sliding into DM's

"Rose flowing with your chosen family" - drinking wine with his friends

Used on Era's to replace "Invisible String"

--------

Cardigan (10/10)

The main song. The one she mouthed is about Matty.

"When you're young they assume you know nothing" people thinking you know nothing about love, or anything when you are young- as they were

"But I knew you, dancing in your Levi's, drunk under the street light" Matty had a street light in his show.

"Sensual politics" - The 1975's "hyper sexualized political tryst?"

"Stepping on the last train. Marked me like a bloodstain"

"A friend to all is a friend to none" a note about him keeping only a few close friends instead of a lot of friends?

"Chase-two girls, lose the one"

"But I knew you playing hide-and-seek and giving me your weekends" playing games

"I knew you tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy" Peter Pan and and her song Peter

"I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss"

"The smell of smoke would hang around this long"

"I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired and you'd be standing in my front porch light"

-------

The Last Great American Dynasty (4/10)

Plot is technically about Rebekah and the Rhode Island House that Taylor owns.

The train link with "Rebekah rode up on the afternoon train, it was sunny"

"The doctor had told him to settle down" Matty and his multiple theatrics on being sick.

"Free of women with madness and their men and bad habits, and then it was bought by me" Another women with madness and boys with bad habits.

---------

Exile (feat. Bon Iver) (5/10)

William Bowery (Joe Alwyn? written song. Controversy on its own.

A personal favorite song. About an old partner, who has moved on and you keep running into them.

Always watching each other, always almost ready to fight for each other.

"Second, third an hundredth chances. Those eyes at insult to injury"

"You were my crown, now I'm in exile see you out" Reference to his and her crowns or just that he was her king.

"You never gave a warning sign, I gave so many signs"

"I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending"

-----

My Tears Ricochet (5/10)

Another favorite of mine. Song is just loaded with amazing metaphors for a relationship gone wrong. Nothing overtly linked to Matty. Supposed to be related to her old label and getting her songs back.

"Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you, till my dying day"

"I didn't have it in my self to go with grace"

"And If I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake, cursing my name, wishing I'd stay, look at how my tears ricochet"

"We gather stones, never knowing what they mean, some to throw, some to make a diamond ring"

"And I can go anywhere I want, just not home" I'm free now, but I don't have you (my home)

"You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same"

-----

Mirrorball (3/10)

Possibly a song about her trying to be whatever her fans want her to be. She wants to lead the circus. She wants to make sure her fans are still entertained, no matter what she has to portray.

"I can change everything about me to fit in"

"I'm still trying everything to get you to laugh at me"

"I've never been a natural, All I do is try, try, try, I'm still on that trapeze"

"I'm still trying everything, to keep you looking at me"

-----

Seven (4/10)

Seven was sort of portrayed as one of the characters in her little story line for this album. Sort of a younger/ teen character.

"I was high in the sky, with Pennsylvania under me" her being from PA, but also Matty mentioning PA in his speech during tour, possibly alluding to Taylor.

"and though I can't recall your face, I still have love for you"

"Your braids like a pattern" - braids reference

----

August (7/10)

As a surprise song on tour, played with Getaway Car and The Other Side of The Door.

Another character thought to be in the plot of the album. Young/ teen.

Oddly just feel like it's fits Matty/ an on again off again relationship that feels like young love.

"I can see us lost in the memory, august slipped away to a moment in time"

"I can see us twisted in bed sheets, August slipped away, like a bottle of wine, cause you were never mine".

"Your back, beneath the sun, wishing I could write my name on it"

"I remember thinking I had you"

"Back when we were still changing for the better, wanting was enough, for me it was enough, to live for the hope of it all"

"Cancel plans just in case you'd call, and Say "meet me behind the mall"

"So much for summer love and saying 'us' cause you weren't mine to lose"

--------

"This is Me Trying" (7/10)

Always assumed to be Matty. In her explanation she had said its written from the perspective of someone struggling with addiction and how hard that could be. Could also be about Taylor if she does have an issue with alcohol as she alluded to on TTPD. That was not something we were aware of. We also do not any past of her going to therapy, I believe she has actually denied it.

"I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying"

"They told me all my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential"

"and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad, I have a lot of regrets about that"

"pouring out my heart to a stranger, but I didn't pour the whisky"

"Its hard to be anywhere these days, when all I want is you"

"You're a flashback on a film reel, on the one screen in my town, and I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying"

---------

Illicit Affairs (9/10)

About a VERY secret affair.

"Take the road less travelled by" poetry reference

"What started in beautiful rooms, ends with meetings in parking lots"

"leave the perfume on the shelf, that you picked out just for him. So you leave no trace behind, like you don't even exist"

"take the words for what they are, a dwindling mercurial high. A drug that only worked, the first few hundreds time"

"You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else" possibly back to the reference to blue.

"You taught me a secret language that I can't speak with anyone else, and you know damn well, I would ruin myself a million little times"

--------

Invisible Sting (1/10)

Joe - details of him working at the yogurt shop. The Lakes.

The song she switched out for The 1 on Era's tour after the breakup was announced.

"Time. Wonderous time. Gave me the blues and then, purple-pink skies" Blue could be referring back to Matty to stick to the blue theme

---------

Mad Woman (1/10)

Overall just about how people do not like mad women, even if they caused her to lash out.

"The master of spin, has a couple side flings, good wives always know"

-------

Epiphany (0/10)

Led to believe it is about her grandfather. Being medical, a dong that gets me every time. I hardly can ever listen to it.

"something med-school did not cover. Someone's daughter, Someone's mother, holds your hand through plastic now. Doc I think she's crashing out, and some things you just can't speak about"

"Just a single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you've seen"

--------

Betty (8/10)

Always thought to be another young character in the plot. One of the young lovers.

Summer fling. Young love. Star-crossed lovers.

Now seems very Matty coded. Which is weird, because it's a William Bowery written song. Which is an entire controversy of its own, regarding if that is Joe Alwyn or multiple people.

"Betty one time I was riding on my skateboard when I passed your house, it's like I couldn't breathe"

"The worst thing that I ever did, was what I did to you"

"I was walking home on broken cobblestones, just thinking of you when she pulled up. Like a figment of my worst intentions, She said 'James, get in, let's drive" Having him stolen right away from you in front of your eyes.

"Slept next to her, but I dreamt of you all summer long"

"Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends?" Question? and kissing in front of his friends?

"Will it be just like I dreamed it? Will I patch your broken wings?"

"Standing in your cardigan" Cardigan

"Stopped at a streetlight, you know I miss you" referring back to the street light in The 1?

Peace (6/10):

Overall a song about her level of fame, and the fact that being with her is so hard. She has spoken at length on this song. Always assumed to be about Joe. Now I am just confused.

"Our coming of age has come and gone"

"But I'm a fire, and I'll keep your brittle heart warm. If your cascade, ocean wave BLUES come"

"All these people think love's for show, but I would die for you in secret"

"The devils in the details, but you got a friend in me. Would it be enough if, I could never give you peace".

"I talk shit with my friends, it's like I'm wasting your honor"

"Swing with you for the fences, sit with you in the trenched. Give you my wild, give you a child. Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other. Family that I chose, now that I see your BROTHER as my brother" - Joe had two brothers. Matty obviously has one.

"But there's ROBBERS to the East. Clowns to the West"

Hoax: (7/10)

"My only one. My smoking gun, My eclipsed sun. This has broken me down"

"Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in" being with other people during the entire back and forth.

"You know I left a part of me back in New York. You knew the hero died, so what's the movie for?" NYC reference, movie plot.

"Dont want no other shade of BLUE, but you. No other sadness in the world would do"

"My best laid plan, you sleight of hand" She has everything planned out, he has tricks and deception that keep messing it up.

"I am ash to your fire" She keeps getting burned

The Lakes (Deluxe Version)

Sang in Chicago right before the break up.

Always thought to be Joe.

"I'm not cut our for all these cynical clones, these hunters with cell phones. Take me to the Lakes where all the poets went to die. I don't belong and, my beloved neither do you"

"Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry. I'm setting off, but not without my muse"

"What should be over, Burrowed under my skin. IN heart' stopping waves of hurt"

"With my calamitous love and insurmountable grief" always feeling like her love is about to die?

#taylor swift #matty healy

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thisismysecondrodeo · 2 years

Text

"This Means the World to Me" Part 8

wc: 3.8k

Story Page | Story Tag

AN: At the end this time :)

You weren’t so drunk last night that you didn’t remember your evening but you were so hungover this morning that it took some time to piece everything back together. You had gotten distracted with Jason and forgotten to plug your phone in, so instead of checking it like you normally did first thing in the morning, you leaned over to his side of the bed and checked the clock. It was 11 am, no wonder Jason was out of bed somewhere. It was very unusual for you to sleep that late, especially when you’d be drinking, but it was a very unusual sort of night.

When you finally made your way downstairs, showered but still bleary and yawning, Jason greeted you with a laugh from the living room where he was playing FIFA.

“She’s alive!”

“Ha ha,” you retorted sarcastically, heading into the kitchen for a much-needed cup of coffee. You knew Jason would greet you with a kiss as soon as his match ended and it pleased you that there was this routine to your lives together. Even after the Emmys. Even though most of it still felt unreal to you. You remembered Jason insisting you wear his shoes last night, the picture Hannah sent, his speech when he accepted his award. Your stomach fluttered when you realized those photographs and interviews from the red carpet were online right now, which meant people were surely bombarding you with notifications, analyzing your appearance and your relationship with Jason. Maybe you were glad you hadn’t plugged your phone in after all. You hopped up on the kitchen island as you drank your coffee, able to watch Jason play from your perch.

Just as you predicted you heard Jason tell his friends he’d talk to them later and he found you on the counter, slotting himself between your legs and kissing you deeply. That brought back memories of after the Emmy’s, you and Jason’s suits crumpled on the bedroom floor, the feeling of his mouth over the thin lace of your bodysuit, your hands pressing into his chest as he fell back into the sheets.

“How’d you sleep,” Jason asked, his hands running up and down your thighs. You could tell from the way he asked that this was a pleasantry before a real question, which made you a little apprehensive.

“Like a rock apparently,” you answered, taking another sip of your coffee. “Fun night.”

“Indeed,” he smiled. “You been online this morning?”

“No my phone is dead,” you began, “is there something I should be worried about?”

Jason was still smiling so you weren’t overly concerned yet. And then he asked, “Depends, what does ‘Paris looks nice this time of year’ mean?”

You froze, your eyes wide and a blush creeping up your cheeks. “Fuck.” That was one memory that hadn’t come back so swiftly. Your forehead fell forward onto his shoulder and you spoke without looking at him. “It may or may not…be a reference to a threesome. Oh god, that was offensive, wasn't it? Did I offend you? Or Donald? Shit, I’m sorry, I should delete that,” you moved to get off the counter but he held you in place with a hand at your waist. “I didn’t even think about people seeing that, it was just a funny little joke…”

“Oh, it was a very funny joke. Heather sent me a Buzzfeed article calling you 'the most relatable' and one titled 'Y/N is all of us',” Jason chuckled making air quotes with his fingers. “You are downright viral.”

“Are you taking glee at me accidentally telling the internet I’d have a threesome with you and Donald Glover when you should be upset that I not only overshadowed a wonderful night for you but am also a big ol’ idiot who should know better?”

Jason shook his head and kissed your nose, “I meant it when I said you can do what you want. But it may be worth talking to Heather about it. No matter what, you’re not an idiot, you’re just…what did Heather call it…’chronically online.’”

“That is… accurate. Alright, let me go get my phone and face the music.”

You left Jason in the kitchen and started scrolling through literally thousands of notifications across various platforms, plus text messages and missed calls. You groaned and started with the Instagram post. The reaction was generally positive like Jason had suggested, so you decided to take it in stride. You edited the caption, adding, “Whoever sent this to Jason: you’re on my shit-list because I just had to explain this caption 🥴.” It played into the relatable vibe while also playfully acknowledging that you didn’t truly intend for the post to have the reach that it did. It was the articles and tweets where things fell apart. Though a number of news outlets declared your funny post as proof that the two of you were a good fit together, the negative reactions hit hard. People saying you weren’t attractive enough, you were a nobody, that Jason had downgraded. And even that didn’t upset you as much as the comments making Jason out to be a creep, implying that he was taking advantage of you. By the time Jason came to check on you upstairs with a snack, you were furious. His eyebrows shot up as you immediately started reporting what you had read.

“Maybe let’s take a little break from reading people’s opinions, hm?”

“I should say something. I mean, yeah, obviously I seem out of place but they don’t know us and they don’t understand…”

“So you’re going to make them?”

You sighed, falling back against the headboard, tossing your phone away. “I don’t know. I just hate to let people think you’re some Hollywood creep taking advantage of me because of the age gap.”

“I appreciate that you want to defend me, but the response really isn’t that bad surprisingly. Here, I’ll call Heather now, we’ll talk about it.”

Heather was surprised to hear how upset you are considering the actual media outlets are trending positive about the relationship, but she understands. As a publicist you’re sure if Jason had run the relationship past her, she too would have advised against it. Hell, maybe he did run it past her and then just didn’t listen. Heather suggested that Jason do a print interview, something where he could be thoughtful and charismatic about the relationship without the pressure of being on camera.

“You mean without reminding people I’m old,” Jason smiled. You looked at Jason over the phone he held between the two of you, thinking carefully before you spoke.

“Could we do it together? Like, as a couple?”

“Well, Y/N,” Heather started, addressing you directly, “I’m not technically your publicist, but if you’re game for it I’d happily help facilitate. I’ve read your book, I know you’re good with words. Jason?”

“I don’t want you to put yourself out there like that, unless you want to. You’d be opening yourself up to a world of scrutiny.”

“It seems like I already did that on accident. I want to. I mean it. Besides, people are more likely to believe me when I say you’re not a creep than if you say it.”

“Fair.”

Excerpt from the interview

So, Y/N, Jason, you two come from very different worlds. What drew you to each other?

JS: She is by far the smartest person to ever give me the time of day. I loved her writing before I ever met her, and then I got to spend time with her and found out how funny, and kind, and gorgeous she is, inside and out. We really just connected in a way I haven’t experienced before. You know, creating chemistry with people is kind of my job, but I don’t really have to turn it on with her and I think we still find each other rather charming.

Y/N: God, I need to stop letting him answer questions first *laughs*. I had been a fan of Jason’s since SNL days, so obviously I was attracted to how funny and handsome he is. But he’s also incredibly thoughtful and quick-witted under that midwestern charm. I was drawn to this image I had of him and imagine my surprise when the real thing was even better.

How do you respond to people that are concerned that the age gap is inappropriate?

Y/N: I’m going to say something that will probably surprise people: They should be concerned about people in relationships with large age gaps. You should absolutely be looking out for your friends and people you know that are in imbalanced relationships because there’s so much potential for someone to get taken advantage of. But those people that are concerned don’t know us, and I promise, this relationship is not imbalanced. I’m nearly 30, I had a life before Jason—I’m choosing to be here and I’m choosing him. I think people that are making a big stink out of it are honestly taking away my agency, taking away the idea that I could choose something and know what's right for me.

JS: I don’t think I can say anything more eloquent than what Y/N said except that I am so lucky that she’s chosen me, chosen us. And on top of all that, I wasn't sitting down and designing my dream woman and really hoping she'd be 26 *laughs*. I mean by definition a large age gap relationship that lasts forever still means we're getting less time together than if we had been high school sweethearts and that's a bummer. But it's worth it.

Are your family and friends supportive?

Y/N: You know, I have to say I don’t think I saw anything said online that I hadn’t heard from my parents already *laughs*. But yes, my friends have been supportive since day one. I think at a certain point when you make decisions that are authentic to you, people sort of fall in line with that. Joy can be contagious that way.

JS: Honestly everyone who meets Y/N not only loves her but they’re rightfully so impressed with her. So yeah, my friends and family that have met her, they’re all very happy for me.

But you two haven’t met all the family?

Y/N: No we were in a bit of a bubble until the Emmy’s.

And that instagram post.

Y/N: And that. *laughs*

JS: I thought it was funny. I mean I did literally have to be told what it meant, but after that I definitely got a kick out of it. *laughs*

Y/N: You know, like you said, we come from two different worlds and I didn’t think about the people that would reach, but, you know I appreciate that people were like, “that’s what I would say if I was in your position.”

We asked Donald Glover about it…

Y/N: Yeah? Was he offended?

Not at all. He said he bought your book because of it.

JS: Everyone should, by the way. It’s fantastic.

You and Jason laid low after the Emmys and the interview, letting the entertainment news cycle find a new interest. He spent time with the kids while the two of you were still in California and you were able to meet them quietly and with little fanfare, pleased that it seemed to go well. You were supposed to be heading back home after the weekend, but for the life of you, you couldn’t think of any good reason to, when you were still enjoying yourself. Part of you wanted to go just to prove that you weren’t overly attached to Jason, to prove that you were still your own person. But you truly didn’t feel like you had lost yourself, only gained a new understanding of what you could be.

After a few more days in California, Jason needed to head back to New York to pack for more shooting in London. You were going as well to meet with Sasha face to face and get detailed updates on the status of your book adaptation and then you figured you would finally get back to your apartment and, weirdly, to what your life was like before. That life was quickly starting to feel as unreal as this one.

You watched Jason pack up his things from the bed, in comfortable silence. It only took one look at you for Jason to inquire after your thoughts.

“I can hear the gears in your head whirring over there. What are you concerned about, hm?”

“Nothing really,” you start, but Jason looked at you skeptically, “it’s just, you know, this has felt like a dream for these past 3 weeks and its just starting to settle in that there’s a life outside of this. Not in a bad way. Just…food for thought.”

“Well when we get to London, we can figure out the, ya know, what’s next of it all.”

When we get to London?

“I’m going to London?”

“Oh, I, uh just assumed and bought you a ticket, I’m sorry,” Jason scratched at the back of his neck sheepishly, “I guess I also just got all swept up in the dream. I mean you said it yourself, you had a life before me…I just…I like having you around.”

“Oh, baby, I’m not saying no! I also like being around. I just want to make sure that I don’t go with the flow so hard that I …get lost. Dragged by the current.”

Jason tossed another shirt in his suitcase and came and sat across from you on the bed. You immediately scooted towards him so you could place your head on his shoulder. Talking was always easier with a point of physical contact.

“I don’t want you to get lost either. I want you to do what you need to do. But being away from you for even just a month again…now that I know what being with you is like…it would be rough.”

“I agree 1000%. So let's not be apart for months. We’ll go back to New York for a few days, I’ll see what happens with HBO, you’ll go to London, and I’ll talk to my job about working in a different time zone and meet you there. At least for a little while. We’ll figure out a schedule that works. I promise.”

Jason lifted your hand to his mouth, kissing your knuckles. “Sounds like a plan. But just in case it wasn’t clear, I’m, like in this. I know we haven’t been together that long and I do want you to figure out what your life looks like, but I want to be in it for the long haul, Aaron Paul.”

You chuckled, “Very good Tedism. I, uh, gathered that from the interview and your concerns about dying before me." You both laughed. "I’m in it too, by the way. Getting to be a part of your life, to meet the kids…I’ve never been happier.”

Jason grinned and pressed his lips to yours with a softness that told you everything you needed to know about how he felt.

On your last day in New York, you met with Sasha in her office, with plans for a very fancy dinner with Jason later that evening. You hoped you’d have good news to celebrate, but if it didn’t work out this time you knew this wasn’t the end of the road. Especially because all the extra publicity around you had done wonders for your book sales. You would have been embarrassed about Jason mentioning your books constantly if his support wasn’t so genuine. And so effective.

Sasha wrapped you in a hug immediately, with the warmth of a sister. “Girl, let's catch up on YOU.”

The last time the two of you had truly caught up was before the Emmys so you started at the beginning, all the way through your conversation about figuring out what your life should look like and going to London in two weeks.

“This is truly the unhinged Wattpad romance of my dreams,” Sasha laughed and you had to agree.

“I know, I feel like at any second this bubble is going to burst. After the conversation we had, I know Jason doesn’t want long distance, but I don’t want to follow him around like a puppy. I never pictured myself being anywhere but the town I’m in. But it doesn’t mean it's bad.”

“I am in awe of you. Seriously. To get thrown into the deep end and still have that much self-awareness and presence of mind…,” you raised an eyebrow, surprised at Sasha’s sincerity, “I mean personally I would fuck that man silly all over the globe, but that’s just me.”

“There’s the Sasha I know,” you laughed.

“So,” Sasha switched into work mode, and you were at the edge of your seat, “about HBO. Unfortunately, I don’t have any more news for you at the moment, BUT I know for a fact they’re announcing a new round of programming next week, so if it's getting greenlit this round I expect to hear something in the next few days. With an executive producer attached I really do think there’s a good chance.”

You let out a breath you’d been holding. “Alright. Jesus, this is stressful. I appreciate you though Sasha, I hope you know that.”

“Of course I do, I’m with you every step of the way. Now, show me some pictures of you and your man,” you laughed and pull out your phone.

Dinner was less celebratory than you had hoped because everything felt so up in the air. There was no HBO news and it was a goodbye to Jason, albeit temporary. It helped that Jason looked incredibly handsome sitting across from you in a brown cable knit sweater over a white button-down shirt, his beard grown out temporarily until he got to London and shaved down to just his Ted 'stache. And the cherry on top: his dark brown professorial glasses that he knew drove you crazy. Jason was as warm as ever over dinner, but you could tell he felt the tension too. Since the Emmys, you’d stop needing your 3 rules for figuring out how to interact with him; there was a freedom to things being serious that meant you didn’t have to worry about rocking the boat.

“Are you worried about us? Being apart?”

“Oh, not worried no,” he responded immediately, “I think I’m just surprised at how much I’m dreading leaving you here. Which, by the way, feel free to invite Willa to the house while you’re here still.”

“Oh, that’s a great idea. And also I hear you, but you’re not leaving me here, I’m staying. It’s…different.”

“Uh-huh, well whether I’m leaving or you’re staying it’s two weeks of no Y/N walking around in my shirts, or reading aloud, or putting her—”

You could tell Jason was about to say something dirty because he clammed up as a waiter approached to refill your water glasses and you laughed.

“Well,” you said as the waiter walked away, “rest assured I won’t be putting my anything anywhere until I see you again.” Jason chuckled and was about to respond when your phone clattered on the table. It was Sasha.

“I should take this, I’m sorry. A call is either really bad or really good.”

“No, no go!”

As you get up from the table to walk outside, Jason’s phone also started to vibrate and you were surprised at the coincidence. He picked up his call at the table since you were going outdoors.

“I have two things,” Sasha jumped in as soon as you said hello, “both very important.”

“Hit me.”

“HBO is greenlighting the show.”

As soon as the sentence hit your ears it felt like the world around you slowed and then stopped. The people walking past you, the cars on the street, all sounded like they were underwater. You were thrilled, of course you were thrilled, but you were also reeling. You hadn’t truly let yourself believe it would happen. Sasha was good at her job in more ways than one, but specifically right now, when she stopped talking to give you time to process.

“That is…I don’t have words right now. Just know I am stunned and excited and all of the things. But you said there were two things?”

“The executive producer is Jason.”

You didn’t know how to respond so you laughed. Of course it was. Of course he would.

“Not to mansplain to you,” Sasha says quickly, “but executive producer means that he’s heavily invested in the project. Like he’s bankrolling the whole thing, basically. I need to know if this changes anything for you because you can walk away if you need to.”

“I–”

“Wait, wait, before you say anything. I know you are fiercely independent, that you wanted to get here by yourself and this may not feel like that. But as your friend and agent, I have to say, you still did this. This is still your book. This is still your show. It's okay to let people help you. Less deserving people get by on their connections all the time.”

You breathed out slowly. “Sasha, it doesn’t change anything. We’re good. I appreciate it so much you have no idea. I gotta get back to dinner, you’ll tell me what all this means soon?”

“Of course. Hey,” Sasha paused, using her agent voice, “congratulations.”

When you got back to the table Jason was also done with his call and looked at you with concern. You were sure you looked absolutely shell-shocked.

“Well, I guess you got the phone call too,” you smiled as you sat down across from him, but Jason just looked ashamed.

“I’m sorry. I was going to tell you, I just—”

“No this is amazing, why are you sorry?”

Jason ran a hand over his jaw in thought, his long fingers tapping against his bottom lip. “I just…I know it was white knighting to go behind your back and insert myself in your work. This is your work and I fully respect that. I can take it back, I can offer HBO some other names, or we can figure out—”

“Jason, I’m not mad,” you laughed, reaching across the table to hold his hand, “I’m so fucking grateful and emotional and overwhelmed I’m just not all there right now. I need to process, but I’m not mad. This…means the world to me.”

Jason grinned. “This is you, Y/N. I threw my name and my money at it but this was in the works before me. And you could do it without me. Actually, you remember the day we met, well, the morning after,” you chuckled and nodded, “That phone call that I got was about this. I had told my agent that if the project came up I wanted to be a part of it, this was after the book signing. I wanted to get in on what you had. So I guess I’m also sorry for riding your coattails.” Jason smiled at you and you grinned. You were surprised that he had been able to hold on to that for this long but you knew he probably hadn’t wanted to get your hopes up. He knew firsthand how fickle the industry could be. “Look, if I can make your life easier, ever, I’m going to do it…but I do promise I’ll talk to you about it first next time, even if you’re not mad at me this time.”

The two of you smiled like idiots at each other across the table. The words I love you were on the tip of you tongue, but you decided not to say it tonight. By the way Jason looked at you, you were sure he already knew, and it wasn’t hard to imagine that he felt the same .

“Surprise, baby,” Jason leaned in and whispered dramatically, “you’ve got a show.”

AN: This is a long one! I didn’t really want the kids to be characters here so there’s only passing mentions. There's only three parts left and an epilogue, but let me know if you want to be tagged anyway!

✨Taglist✨: @tedlassostan

#jason sudeikis writing #jason sudeikis #tmtwtm #jason sudeikis fanfic #jason sudeikis x reader #jason sudeikis x yn #jason sudeikis fan #jason sudeikis fan fic #jason sudeikis fic #jason sudeikis reader insert #ted lasso #jsuds #this means the world to me

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m1d-45 · 1 year

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Any advice for writing Genshin fanfics? Asking because I have a lil fanfic side blog and I want to start posting Genshin stuff, but nervous

imma be straight up…. i don’t know what i’m doing-

Seven Points to Success(™️) beneath the readmore

hi :) i have no idea how to tumblr :))

in all honesty, i started posting bc i wanted this as a sort of archive for all the shit i write. i have a habit of deleting docs i don’t like and eventually wishing i didn’t so i could read them, so i figured what better motivator to write and encouragement that no, this isn’t shit, then the internet?

i guess that’s my first point: don’t write for anybody but yourself. write what you want, and then post it in case somebody else likes it. otherwise, you’ll probably end up losing motivation and getting burnt out. write what you want, and don’t be embarrassed to do so.

two: as with any fanfic, get to know the characters! please! the last thing you want is for readers to be flung out of a story because somebody was out of character. the genshin wiki is a goldmine!! the voice lies can give you an idea as to how a character speaks, and their story will let you in on, well, their story.

uhhh three: grammar. this isn’t pointed at you specifically, just genuinely… please refresh yourself on grammar rules. fics could have an excellent premise, but it’s not gonna be read if everything is a run on, with multiple speakers per paragraph.

what not to do:

“isn’t the sunset pretty?” kazuha said his hand brushing yours. “it is”, you agreed leaning into his shoulder. “i knew you’d like it” he smiled.

^ don’t do that. don’t. paragraph changes every time someone new speaks, and commas go before the quote.

in addition, try reading out your dialogue (out loud or in your head doesn’t matter) to check it sounds real, and like it’s in that characters ‘voice.’ kinda goes hand in hand with point 2.

(minor point: while some grammar rules can be bent or a bit fudged—such as my entirely writing in lowercase and excessive use of commas—there are lines that cannot be crossed. that sounds serious but all it means is that some fundamentals need to be followed.)

point 3.5: use a readmore. please. do it. if you’re on mobile, click an empty line, type ‘:readmore:’, then hit enter. idk how to do it on desktop but please. do it. everybody will thank you. i will personally thank you. just type out a title, summary, maybe a paragraph of the fic to get readers hooked, then a readmore. makes everybody happy, and it’s easier to navigate your blog that way.

point four: practice! please please please practice. you will get better with time. trust me. i am sitting you down, handing you a warm drink, and asking you to promise to keep writing. just do it. it’s gonna be bad sometimes. it’s gonna make you cringe when you look back on it. whatever. keep. writing.

obviously don’t burn yourself out, but if you’ve got an idea, open up a doc and start writing. what starts as an idea put to page tends to spiral into fics for me, but even if it doesn’t for you, you have started. you have done the hardest part. you can keep going, i promise, you can always rewrite what you don’t like.

take it from me: i start every fic as a short blurb outlining the idea, and always have to redo the introduction for tumblr to neaten it into something presentable. it doesn’t matter if it isn’t perfect, it just has to work.

if you don’t like your sentence structures, vary the length of your sentences. short. long. semicolons, m dashes, paragraphs in parentheses, it doesn’t matter. if you don’t like your word choices, pop open a thesaurus and find a different word. do not do this for every single word ever, obviously, but if you’re using the same word over and over, it might be better to have some synonyms in mind. additionally, they can make the emotional points stronger—i.e. ‘cried’ vs ‘sobbed’—or emphasize the point you want to make more—like ‘hissed’ vs ‘seethed’.

the point above does not apply to ‘said’. ‘said’ is not dead. obviously use dialogue tags, but also use ‘said’. everybody who says ‘said is dead’ is a liar and a fraud. it is okay to use ‘said’. ‘said’ ‘say’ and ‘says’ are our beloveds.

(minor point: i use apostrophes as quotations as a stylistic choice, but you never use these in technical, grammatically correct writing. “he said ‘purposeful,’ so it wasn’t an accident.” <- that is not a grammatically correct line of dialogue, but it’s how i would stylize it. this is just to let you know that i am not grammatically correct—after all, i type entirely in lowercase because i think it looks better, so…)

point five: tag things! but don’t over tag them. tag whats relevant, tag whats important, and nothing else. i don’t know how to draw the line here bc it can get blurry, but try reading a fanfic and then looking to see what was tagged if this is confusing. tag whats relevant so people can find things, and leave out stuff unrelated so others can scroll through that tag in peace.

(minor point: tag warnings if your piece contains triggering topics. i’ve seen varying opinions as to how obvious these warnings should be, but at the very least some form of tag about it is courteous, in my opinion)

(minor point 2: if you write ‘x reader’s—you didn’t specify, but you asked me for advice, so—then please, please, pretty please, mark your readers gender. it’s ok if you solely write fem! reader, but please just say so. nobody wants to enter a fic only to get hit with the she/her without warning. i didn’t do this for a while because i solely write for a gn reader w/ you/yours pronouns, but i know better now. tag your readers. write what you want, just make sure others can find it too)

point 6: organize. do it. i know it can be annoying but pls. a masterlist saves lives. mine isn’t the best example but hey, it works.

in the same vein, have a navigation post pinned, with stuff like rules, whether requests are open, a link to the masterlist, and whatever else you deem important. again, mine isn’t the best example, but it works. this way, people can easily find your works, and return to where they were if you write a series/ a lot in general.

point seven: take everything i just said with a grain of salt, no matter how small. i am just one guy. i don’t know everything. i don’t even know what i do know. you think i know how i have almost a thousand followers? no. i just write about boys i find pretty and put them online for the internet to read. maybe you write best by solely writing for the community. maybe you work completely off any sort of schedule. i don’t know. i’m not you.

you are you. you know you best. take breaks, take care of yourself, and just go for it. i promise, the worst that can happen is that nothing happens. you’ll be okay. you can do it.

— midas.

(p.s.: sorry if this reads particularly incoherent i have an illness again :) sick three times within three months, call that f2p luck)

#m1d : [chats]#can’t tell whether to be honored or concerned you came to me of all ppl for advice-#also unrelated: FUCK tumblr. wholeheartedly. why do i need a whole tab for the shop??!#< reminder i’m a mobile user #also hands and knees begging somebody to give me an idea for an event. i desperately wanna do something to celebrate but. what.#nobody saw my tags for 500 and nobody will now probably but like…. pls………. what do the people want… tell me…. i shall give….

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rallamajoop · 1 year

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Resident Evil Village

So, although Deus Ex: Mankind Divided was (and very much still is) supposed to be next in the gaming queue, I somehow spent Christmas playing Resident Evil 8: Village.

And having now finished this damn game on three different difficulties, developed an addiction to the Mercenaries challenge mode, discovered a host of unexpected feelings about Ethan Winters & family and that Heisenberg bastard, and read a godawful amount of fic… I’m still a little undecided how surprised I should be that it sucked me in so hard.

Because on the one hand, if anything in that crazy franchise was going to get me, clearly it was going to be the one full of vampires and gothic horror tropes (not to mention being set in that one mysterious region of Romania we all know from the Hammer films, where everyone speaks English for no particular reason). Looking back, I’ve been in and out of horror-adjacent fandoms since, oh, about when the first Venom movie came out – maybe this was the next logical step.

On the other hand, it’s an FPS: a genre I only grudgingly came around to at all a matter of months ago. And though my days of saying I don’t do FPS are now undeniably behind me, it’s also a horror game, and (all recent records aside), when it comes to horror games, I am a wimp. The kind of wimp who watched playthroughs of P.T. back in the day going holy fuck I could not manage to walk down a corridor in this shitshow the atmosphere alone would smother me alive. The kind of wimp who noped the fuck out of Portal on the very first level featuring turrets (holy shit, they’re shooting at me? Those are bullet holes in the wall! Is that MY BLOOD on the wall? Oh my god how am I not already dead oh my god) and never came back.

What made the difference this time? Well, apparently my general aversion to shooting people doesn’t so much apply to lycans and zombies, and horror games are much easier to deal with when you’ve already watched a Let’s Play of the whole thing, and know what you’ve signed up for. Or maybe I’m just old and jaded enough that I’m not as easily scared by pixels as I used to be. It certainly helped that Village leans more towards the shallow, action end of the survival horror pool. But as for That One Bit that everyone talks about when they discuss how RE8 made them shit their pants, I can only admit that the other thing I learned about myself watching those playthroughs of P.T. is that ‘screaming mutant foetus monster’ is exactly the point at which my brain gives up on terror and just goes “…well that’s just a bit gauche, isn’t it?” (Don’t talk to me about those don’t-look-away walking dolls from the DLC though. That bit got to me like no screaming foetus ever did.)

No, the really odd thing about me suddenly falling hard for this game is that, well, it didn’t get me at the time. Much as I’ve enjoyed watching apparently the whole rest of the internet being brought together in mutual horniness for the incomparable Lady Dimitrescu, the whole step-on-me-mistress-thing has never really been my jam – and though I did watch that Let’s Play of the full game way back when, nothing about it grabbed me enough to become really fannish about it at the time.

What changed? Well, we can partly blame a couple of youtube channels I’ve been casually following lately by folks who were also big Resident Evil fans. But the tipping point may have been my questionable decision to watch a playthrough of the new Shadows of Rose DLC at exactly the wrong (or perhaps right) time of the month, resulting in me bawling my eyes out and discovering feelings about the Winters family I never knew I had.

All that said, actually buying and playing the base game was one of those random whims, entered into with 0 expectations I was actually likely to finish the thing. I mean, the factory section alone looks like such a slog.

…so it turns out that (putting aside the hassle of navigating the place) the factory can be a ton of fun once you’ve figured out what you’re doing.

What can I say? This is a game truly brimming with personality, the dark-fairytale vibe utterly works, the campy OTT villains are a delight, I will gladly fight anyone trying to tell me Ethan’s a boring nothing of a protagonist – and having had the time to get past the “GDI game is this guy supposed to be a lycan or not? MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND!”-annoyance* that stopped me from enjoying Heisenberg properly while watching the playthrough, this time I fell for him hard (and wound up shipping him with Ethan, so fandom has got me again). The ending delivers, the horror elements are on point, and it’s just damn good fun to play.

Doing my first run on Casual difficulty was my one mistake. It’s the mode most widely recommended to the inexperienced player, but either that’s a recommendation calibrated for folks playing with a controller rather than a keyboard, or all that time playing Deus Ex (which, I remind you, is heavy on stealth takedowns and 3rd-person-cover mechanics that do not apply here at all) prepared me better than I realised, because Casual difficulty bored me. The mechanics, world and story still carried me through, but I did not die a single time that wasn’t thanks to an insta-death mistake. There’s no way to change difficulty mid-game, and you’re far enough in by the time you really get to find out how difficult combat was going to be that I didn’t feel like restarting. But having finished the game, I was hungry for a real challenge.

So this is when I noticed New Game+ was an option – as was unlocking infinite ammo for many weapons – and rationally deciding that replaying on only Standard difficulty with the added advantage of all those upgraded guns wasn’t going to cut it, I jumped difficulties right up to Hardcore mode.

This, too, may have been a mistake. The very first lycan attack had me running to the Internet for advice on how to survive it (it turns out the accepted strategy is basically to just hide in a cellar for as long as possible, then leg it into the next house and climb halfway up a ladder, where you’re very hard to hit). But with that milestone cleared, I found my groove, and had a much better time (though I certainly died a lot more this time through). Even with all the upgrades, it was pretty damn punishing in places – but punishing in the way that forces you to really engage with the mechanics (or at least learn to love the good old ‘set a mine and back away’-strategy). And I’m pleased to say that unlike DX:HR, RE has proper difficulty modes: we’re not just tweaking damage ratios, enemies also get much faster and more aggressive at higher difficulties – not to mention those damn lycan archers now apparently have the accuracy of a sniper.

Having beaten the game on Hardcore, I was pretty well done (there’s an even harder mode, Village of Shadows, but I wasn’t looking for that much punishment). But any lingering doubts about how fully I’d embraced the shooty-bang-fun-times side of Resident Evil gameplay were well and truly put to bed by the time I’d discovered the Mercenaries bonus game.

This mode sets you up with limited weapon selection up against a hoard of easy-to-kill enemies, scoring you higher the longer you can keep a combo going. Again: not the sort of thing I expected to suck me in, but anyone who’s ever watched me play a rhythm game will know that I can be a real sucker for a full-combo challenge. Mechanically, it’s almost the opposite of beating the story on Hardcore, but it forces you to learn layouts of some game areas in ways you never needed to before, and actually seeing numbers for how much damage you’re doing illuminates so many mechanics you were just guessing at.

Better yet, there’s a hoard of stuff you can unlock by playing it, including (as of the DLC!) the ability to play as Heisenberg or Lady Dimitrescu, which is a whole heap of fun in its own right. And if you’re prepared to play long enough to get 25 other achievements (I was), you can even unlock ‘special customisations’ for most of your weapons in the main game – boosting damage even further, or a bunch of other bonuses that I could not resist trying out…

…only, having already beaten the game on Hardcore, there wasn’t much appeal to doing that again, only with less challenge. So… oh fuck, I’m going to play this thing on Village of Shadows difficulty after all, aren’t I?

Honestly: no regrets. Lord knows I’d never survive this mode going on raw (shut up shut up I’M NOT GOING TO TRY), but it’s very doable on New Game+2. And it’s very much the mode for folks who’ve already beaten the game at least twice, because just when you were getting familiar with the story’s pre-scripted roster, this mode mixes it up and throws in new enemies where you don't expect them (and just rarely enough that they’ll always be a surprise). Having trouble with those lycan archers on Hardcore? Well, now there’s more of them, in places you didn’t expect! Had enough trouble escaping Lady D. after she slices off your hand? Ha, now we’ve spawned an extra enemy in the same space, and did we mention that you have no weapons you can use one-handed? (Seriously, good times! And that’s ‘times’, plural, because surviving that one took me a few tries.)

All that said, I’m not sure those ‘special customisations’ were really calibrated for even this difficulty – and they’re vague enough that you’ll find that out the hard way. The magnum’s ‘Extra damage against lycans’-bonus, for example, apparently means ‘can now one-shot even the alfa varcolac miniboss’ (pictured below). And sure, that’s the magnum: but the sniper rifle’s ‘extra damage at range’ can do the same thing. It’s just maybe a bit much.

Honestly, I’d be all for it if the point was to give players who really want that Village of Shadows achievement another way to get it – but then you get to the gauntlet that is the endgame, and all that fancy souped up inventory gets taken away from you for plot reasons.

Actually, I’d put the start of the endgame-gauntlet back at Sturm (last boss of the factory level before Heisenberg), because even though you’ve got your regular guns there, he’s invincible from the front, charges like a mad bull and can apparently target you through solid walls. Then you fight Heisenberg, in the obligatory here-have-a-tank sequence, and neither New Game+ upgrades or special customisations have any effect on your tank. And then you get the section where you have to play as Chris, whose lousy pistol-and-machine-gun arsenal is also unaffected by special customisations (though I can see no good reason why not). And Chris’ section really is a gauntlet, with an uncooperative auto-save, an infinite stream of charging lycans, and another boss fight against some bastard who doesn’t take damage from the front, swinging a giant mace in a tiny arena. All of a sudden, you’re playing the exact same version of this game as someone who never hit New Game + at all.

I died a lot in this section. Seriously, so many times. But I stuck it out, and I gotta say, damn but these higher difficulty modes force you to learn how to play. In case anyone else reading this actually wants some tips: stuck at the Stronghold? The trick is to book it back to the entry passage the moment the first wave starts, maybe drop a mine or two, and use the narrow space for crowd control (same thing works during the second wave – it gets a little less intense from there). Stuck in the factory? Learn to love flash grenades! Sturm? Again: flash grenades! (You would not think a guy with a propeller for a face would be so susceptible, but who am I to argue with results?) Heisenberg? Turns out aiming for those glowing weak points really does make a difference, and your tank can make a MUCH faster dash out of the way of his charge move if you stop firing the machine gun. Chris? God, don’t even get me started on Chris.** (“Oh my god, Chris, your lousy pea-shooter guns have all the stopping power of wet tissue! Get a real gun, you LOSER!”)

After all that, the letdown at the end is that Miranda (the final boss) is kind of a piece of piss. You finally get all your old inventory back, and she takes damage from the front and everything. After dying a stupid number of times reaching every milestone above, Miranda went down in one go. I’d be more unimpressed by this, but after all Ethan’s been through at that point, maybe he kind of deserves it.

Obviously, I had to play Rose’s DLC bonus campaign too, but – much as I loved it for story and atmosphere – it was admittedly less fun to play. That’s probably deliberate: it’s much more down the survival horror end of the action-horror spectrum – aiming is slow and cumbersome, and your options and resources are very limited. Given that you’re playing as a teenage girl rather than a grown man on his second rodeo, that makes a lot of sense… but there’s still not a lot there to have me eager to come back for a replay. (Her final boss battle is a lot more satisfying, though it does suffer from the fact you’re thrown so many new mechanics that just figuring out how you’re supposed to use them is pretty distracting.)

I could go on at this point – as always in new fandom mode, I have so many thoughts on the world, the fandom, the challenge of piecing together the backstory timeline, the possibilities for where this series might go in future, and how poor Mia deserves so much more love than she gets – but that can all wait. The long and short remains: I never would’ve imagined how hard I could get sucked into this game, but I have had such a time learning how wrong I was.

* Look, if a guy who shows up with the lycans, and can apparently command other lycans, is not supposed to be a lycan himself, then maybe think twice before including another giant lycan character who a) wears his coat, b) USES HIS HAMMER and c) never appears on screen at the same time as him. You’ll save so much confusion on the part of your audience, I promise!

** Really? Well, fine.

The game autosaves shortly after you beat the first two varcolacs (I found it helped to go left around the fungus into the field, and use some grenades), and again once you reach the clearing (protip: if you can make it there, everything behind you despawns! There are a couple of real waves of attackers to get through to get there though, plus a slow-but-constantly spawning stream of lycan runners to mask that), then one final time before you jump down the hole. Knowing those auto-save points is useful, because 1) reloading your last manual save point will put you all the way back before the Heisenberg boss fight, which is officially Too Far, and 2) if you pass an autosave accidentally after using up all your supplies and on low health, the next bit is going to be that much harder. To survive the clearing, forget killing everything: spend the first wave hiding behind the house on the right with the supplies (it confuses them), and the second hiding behind the other house with supplies on your left, then climb the ladder to the roof and stand up to target the mould. Don’t climb the roof earlier: the archers will get you. To survive the boss, try to run under his swings when he leaps at you, hit him with a flash grenade every time your pals with the goddamn space laser are ready, target him, then shoot the hell out of the weak point on his back. [deep breath] DONE! (And goddamnit, Chris, if I have to listen to you say ‘I’ve reach the target clearing. Damn this looks big’ one more time, I will shoot you myself.)

#Resident Evil Village #Resident Evil #more overlong gaming anecdotes

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dethkomic · 1 year

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Writin’ Comics and Junk: Part 2 - Let's Break Down a Story!

Welcome, my favorite goofballs, to another edition of Dethkomic talks way too damn much about how to write and stuff.

Before we begin --

Next update to Dethkomic will hit the internets on Friday, March 17th. It'll be another 6-page update to wrap-up this chapter and issue #5 will officially be in the books!

Okay... now onto our really big show!

We're going to get into the meat of how I actually compose the scripts for Dethkomic, this time. I think it might be easiest if I did a sort of "deconstruction" on the first Dethkomic. Therefore, if you are reading this and happen to not have finished Dethkomic I and do not wish to be spoiled -- I suggest coming back after you're through with it. :)

Everyone good? Okay then! First thing's first -- How did I get the idea for Dethkomic's first... dethkomic?

The simple answer is, I cheated and used an old fanfic I wrote. The longer answer is, I wanted to have a story I could point people to, if they wanted to be introduced to my characters. I wanted it to be heavy on the action and drama (because these are the types of stories I like to read, myself. See last entry). I wanted it to establish the relationships between my characters and the canon cast (duh. It's fanfiction). And lastly but perhaps most importantly, I wanted it to establish an interesting world I could add on to with other stories, as the mood struck, while simultaneously being *enough* of a story on its own if I never ended up doing that.

The long and short of it is, I wanted to do Dethkomic to be a hobby story. No cares about hitting a deadline. No worries about profiting from it. No real reason to give a hoot if nobody liked it, actually. I was writing for me.

And here we are..!

Part 1: Roughing Out an Idea

Once you've got a general idea of the type of story you're writing, roughing out the plot is kinda like sculpting. You start with a big brick of clay and you start manhandling it into shape.

To start a script, I like to plot out beats. They start extremely vague but get tighter as I go on. If I worked from the very beginning of Dethkomic I, my first beats might look something like this:

[We need to introduce Baen-Shee] [There is some kind of conflict] [The conflict is resolved]

Intense, right? Granted, my first pass was a little more detailed than this... but honestly, not by much. This is really all the more my brain knew about this story, at its conception. For me, just getting the parts that absolutely have to get done down on paper, helps me stay organized. It doesn't matter how blurry they are. Feel free to put your beats down in whatever fashion makes the most sense to you -- all that matters is that you and your brain are not getting paralyzed by the fear of losing your train of thought when you look at your beats. They are there to keep shit together, not tear it apart.

Though it wasn't much, it *was* a place to start, and having a structure, even in the most basic sense, kept my mind free to wander. Eventually, the beats branched out:

[Dethklok needs a reason to associate with Baen-Shee] [We establish new and old relationships between characters] [Stuff needs to feel pretty normal, here. Nothing weird.] [We find out Baen-Shee are more than just musicians] [Maybe the Tribunal is in on this?] [We get to show their real talents during the conflict] [Relationships are re-established as the conflict ends]

So now things are starting to feel like they could actually become a story. Notice how the conflict still isn't established? Don't get caught up if you don't have one in the very early stages. I see so much writing advice about "figure out conflict first" and yeah, you absolutely should have *something* going down, eventually... but details can remain vague until you get excited about what that is.

Worth noting too, since not everyone reading this is bound to be thinking in terms of Lit Class 101: the term "conflict" in this sense, doesn't mean "a fight" or something similar. With the beats above, the conflict could have been the epic battle we ended up getting or it could have been the bands shopping for matching shoes (and nobody can agree on a style). Seriously.

Part 2: The Detail Work

Remember that stuff I said last time about character arcs? Now's as good a time as any to start introducing things like that. In Volume 1 of Dethkomic, Nita's arc was your basic "the normal one turns out to have super powers" thing. So when I get to a point in the script where I want to play on that (and I should be trying to at least think about it a little bit, each time Nita appears) I can write it out. Take the scene where the Tribunal reviews each of the girls as an example:

[We get a panel each, introducing each member of Baen-Shee. Each panel should go over a bit of their less-savory pasts.] [Except Nita. Nita's a sweetheart.]

That will be enough for me to remeber that this is an establishing point for Nita's character. I can write it however I want -- the important thing is that we get the sense that nobody suspects Nita is anything but a normal musician.

The point of doing things in this way is again, to simply vomit your ideas onto paper for a while, jotting down what you absolutely want to have happen, and letting it stew until that sweet point of contention finds its way into your brain. You'd be surprised how nice it is to have all your thoughts collected so you can freely read them. I find with the jumbled mess my brain is prone to becoming at any given time, reading things in sequence often gives me just enough lead-in to know where to turn, next.

At this point, you might be the type of writer who will plot the whole of the story from beginning to end with enough detail to know what you're writing, down to the last bit of dialogue.

I am not this type of writer.

I tackle what I see in my head, first, so the things I know I really want to work on can help shape the stuff I haven't figured out, yet. I don't have the originals, but the first pages of script for Dethkomic I looked very similar to this:

[Chapter 1 - Part 1] [Nita is at a desk, filling out paperwork. She notes how much there is] [Charles says some reassuring things to keep her from fretting too much about the accidental death clauses in the contracts]

[Dinosaur interlude - introduce when the comic takes place] [Big establishing shot of Mordhaus]

[Charles calls a meeting. All of Dethklok present. Establishing shot in the meeting room. Charles' dialogue: "Gentlemen. I just got off the phone with Crystal Mountain Records and got some rather surprising news. We're blowing away every one of our quarterly goals except in one demographic. There's going to be some changes around here in the coming days." Nobody is impressed.] [Charles needs to do his best to convince the gang things are in a dire state and in order to do this, he employs the usual visual aids. Maybe the remote for the TV has spikes on it.]

[Part 2]

We need to meet Baen-Shee

[Part 3]

Something happens

Notice that some of the pages are more "put together" than others. The last fully fleshed out page of part one (page 3) even includes dialogue -- but I haven't figured out what happens at all in Parts 2 and 3. It changes, depending on how much stuff I'm trying to keep track of, and how important the details are, but this is basically all the more there is to a Dethkomic script before I start making thumbnails of the page art. It covers what I have to be showing at that point, any important dialogue I figured out (usually, I leave the dialogue until after I've done the art unless someone has to say something that establishes an important point), and any other pertinent information. Eventually, notes like "We need to meet Baen-Shee" get replaced by page-specific beats that are way more detailed.

And that's it. What you see in the example above is all I need to start drawing. As I go on, things will come to me or ideas will change which might shift the story a bit, but I tend to write out as much as I can, ahead of time. It's cool if stuff changes because I have everything I need to accomplish ahead of me in my notes, so I'm once again just whittling away at that same clay block. That said, I have a few pointers for you as you write your beats...

Part 3: Pointers

Let's start with one I will not shut up about and you've already heard me say a thousand times by now...

Get the things down you're likely to forget.

This is why it's important to always have access to a notebook or an app on your phone for writing shit down. There's stuff I look forward to writing and it's unlikely I'll ever forget to write it (and yeah -- I'll jot those ideas down, too...) Meanwhile, there's stuff I think up in passing. My brain will say "Oh holy shit. There's that connection I was looking for when I need X to do Y." Or maybe it's "Oh holy shit. There's a plothole here if I don't explain Z." And you know what happens if I don't write stuff like this down? Poof. It's gone by the time I get to it.

For every cool idea, there are a million points of connection, and disconnect, and plothole patching that come into my head as there are big scenes. Write them down so they exist somewhere and you can feel secure as you concentrate on the cool stuff. And speaking of the cool stuff...

Use your good ideas ASAP.

I know you don't want to "run out" of these... but you'll have more good ideas. Promise. Keep yourself motivated by using the ideas that excite you about your story right now if possible.

Let's say you can't wait to reveal that Character A is Character B's father but there's 15 chapters between what you're writing now and that point in the story. If it's not a major turning point (those are different), consider throwing it in now, homeslice. Or maybe hint at it if it is meant to be kept as a big reveal. Why are you writing, again? To have fun? Take every opportunity you can get to go have fun, then. The more you care, the more your audience will care. And it beats slogging through a story until you get to that magical point you've been waiting for, only to have your readers turn disinterested because there just didn't seem to be as much going on through those chapters as there was during the fun parts... that is, if you yourself can even stay interested long enough to get to that point.

Start to look for themes.

Once you get to the point in your story where you have begun to figure out the details of each individual scene, you might start looking for a running theme through your tale. You don't have to have them, but they're nice little bonuses for the people paying attention.

I didn't do a ton of work with theme in Dethkomic I, but I do a hell of a lot with it in Dethkomic II. A lot of the same themes exist in both stories. See if you can spot them:

The things that count as "family"

What makes someone "a hero"

Angels and demons

Individual power versus collective harmony, Corruption versus innocence, Life and death, etc.

Accepting a greater destiny beyond "normal life"

As always, I'm sure I'm forgetting some. A lot of these themes are universal while some of them seem to only follow a certain character or characters around. Their part in the story could be totally muted and no damage to the plot would be done since they don't exist for any purpose beyond giving attentive readers the occasional "holy shit, this again!" feeling. But boy is that a fun thing to impart to your audience as a writer. I highly recommend starting to play with metaphors in your stuff, if you haven't before.

On plot holes and other scary things...

As I said -- sometimes you'll make one of these roadblocks and if you're not careful to patch it, it might ruin your good time. The easiest way to work this out is to re-read your whole script from beginning to end, occasionally. If you're the crazy writer who is plotting the whole thing out early on, then you have a duty to go in and fix things as soon as you spot them.

If you're like me and are doing a bit more of the "writing as you go", then your job is to read what you have up to the point that you have it written, and see if there's anything keeping you from connecting what you have to the way it ends.

Look for things like missing character motivation, "magical fixes" (stuff that is too much of a stretch to allow for believability), time travel (how did they get here and/or what time was it when this happened versus what came before and after), etc. And above all else, remember this:

Most plot holes aren't a big deal, and the ones that are might just be stories that haven't been told, yet.

That's it for this edition of writin' with dethkomic, I spoze! So far, the advice I've been giving here has been pretty universal as it pertains to writing just about anything... But next time, we'll dive further into the plot and begin doing the other half of the work that comes specifically with working in a visual media. I am of course, talking about the art!

See you in a little over a week, pals!

#dethkomic does writing

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e22ajcn · 1 year

Text

little diary entry,

a friend and i had a falling out a couple of months ago. falling out might be the nice way of putting it. she and i don’t speak and she can’t make eye contact with me because of the amount of guild or embarrassment she feels about what she did to me. she needs serious mental help and i know i shouldn’t hold it against her because at the end of the day she’s not okay and is probably just, at her center, an insecure teenage girl trying to find a way to establish that she’s better than someone that she perceives to be higher than her on the social pyramid. i have a class with her and she’s friends with one of my close friends. i see her every once in a while and i’m trying to be the bugger person.

i seriously wish her the best. i’ve been saying that since the day she admitted the horrible things about me. i said it to her face, after she told me after she treated me like shit. i told her i’ll always be in her corner and that i wish her the best. when i finally stopped speaking to her, the only thing i’ve ever said was that i hope she finds new friends and gets better because she needs it. but in the bottom of my heart, there’s a part of me that hates to see her move in and feel better and make friends. i want her to hurt like i did, and i don’t know if that makes me horrible or mean or any number of things. i hate seeing her happy because— i dont even know why.

anyways, what brought this about: we had a shared playlist we made for when we go to the gym together. obviously we don’t anymore. i still workout and she does too, but we didn’t normally because im an athlete and she’s a narp. but i opened her account and i saw that she had a new playlist. im listening to it now, and i can feel my influence in her. i keep imagining her putting these songs in because they remind her of how she broke me and how she lost the one person who could have never imagined hurting her. then, one of my favorite songs came on. and i started sobbing. it was a 30 second cry, before i shoved it back down. i don’t think im that upset about it and i don’t deserve to cry over her. she’s not worth it. but at the same time, what if im stunting my emotional recovery by not letting myself experience the sadness? i’ve cried twice since she did it. once in the shower, the night after it happened, and another time after my chemistry exam (which was another reason entirely).

anyways, i don’t know why i feel comfortable publishing my thoughts to the internet. it feels like i’m shouting into oblivion. the girl who i’m talking about will never see this. the people who see this will never know. i don’t want this to be seen because i don’t want it everywhere. but at the same time, does it even matter? i want people to see this. i want the attention.

that’s it.

#daily diary #mental health #daily life #tumblr #fyp #self growth #self worth #self care #writing

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piracytheorist · 2 years

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I was writing out a long ass ask about a series of youtube comments i saw from John Wolfes (I have a vague recollection of him being included in a reaction video for the ending of Video and him being sad Ethan died) final playthrough of Village (laptop lagged a bit and I clicked on it by accident) and for some reason I got curious and looked through the comments and there was a series of conversations with this one person who well let me show you the highlights for two of them (I did respond to this particular comment cos internet arguement mode kicked in)

comment one: "That's what RE8 does. It doesn't try to explain anything, despite literally telling the player that Mother Miranda is an uneducated peasant from the 1900s who becomes the greatest virologist in the world through unknown means, experiments on the Mold and ends up creating an embryonic clone of her daughter Eva for the sake of The Connections' research. Oh wow! She accomplished her goal of getting her daughter back before RE7 even happened? What impact does that have on the story? Fuck all! It's just a stupid, shortsighted retcon to try and give the two games a proper connecting element. It's plain bad writing, so no, I do not have to come up with an explanation or suspend my disbelief further, because I already suspended my disbelief the exact way you're insisting I should, in the DLC for RE7 where Zoe is saved despite becoming calcified the same way her parents died."

--the Bakers turned into actual mould then crumbled away (look at pictures of mould on food and compare what was left of the Bakers)

comment two: "The issue is not that I want a detailed breakdown of every single educational establishment she went to, I want to know how the fuck some rando widower with a dead daughter knows what Mycology is in 1912. Miranda is an uneducated, potentially illiterate woman from the turn of the century in the arse-end of nowhere in Romania. It's not a particularly compelling piece of fiction to show me a character and say "she has all this hyper-specialised knowledge and was able to completely bypass the functions of her local society...somehow". I don't know much about Romania, I'll admit, but I do know that in 1912 one of the only women in the world generally accepted to be above washing dishes was Queen Victoria, and that's quite a social standing difference between her and what is essentially some hick. It doesn't matter how much time she had, or if she is immortal, you need more than that to become such a phenomenal expert in a niche field of study that wasn't even widely accepted until MAYBE ten years before The Connections showed up to ask her for a Mold sample. And to finish off - Yes, her goal was in fact achieved when she created an embryo clone of Eva to experiment on alongside The Connections, because her goal was to get her daughter back. And since the Megamycete stores the genetic information, memories and subsequent personality of the people who are infected by it, she could have easily imprinted that onto the embryo clone. Why am I so sure that she could? Because the writers already established a precedent of not actually setting down hard rules for how the damn thing works. (As a side note, the T-Virus never had this issue because it was stated from the beginning that engineering specific outcomes among humans requires a specific combination of genetics, so no, the old games did not actually have this problem to such a degree.)"

the thing is its not like midwives and apothocaries exist is it?

because i'm interested in this shit I looked it up and according too All American Restoration: history of mold and building related illnesses

1837 – Stachybotrys Chartarum (known as “toxic black mold”) is first described by Corda from wallpaper collected in a home in Prague.

and the huffpost also has a brief history of mold where a defilling mold was mentioned In the Old Testament – Leviticus 14 – you will find the first written mold remediation protocol. Here’s an excerpt:

The Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “When you enter the land of Canaan, which I am giving you as your possession, and I put a spreading mold in a house in that land, the owner of the house must go and tell the priest, ‘I have seen something that looks like a defiling mold in my house.’ The priest is to order the house to be emptied before he goes in to examine the mold, so that nothing in the house will be pronounced unclean. After this the priest is to go in and inspect the house.

“If the mold has spread on the walls, the priest is to order that the contaminated stones be torn out and thrown into an unclean place outside the town. He must have all the inside walls of the house scraped and the material that is scraped off dumped into an unclean place outside the town. Then they are to take other stones to replace these and take new clay and plaster the house.

sorry for how long this got but I am interested

"telling the player that Mother Miranda is an uneducated peasant from the 1900s"

Wh-when did the game say that???

Someone tell this RE fanboy and his weak masculinity that people didn't start being "woke" when the internet came... the problem was that history was being written by straight white men and that's why we don't have a lot of info about women or queer people or people of other races and the role they played in history.

Like this dude thinks there weren't female scientists in the 19th century? Does he know what happened in 1911, when Eva in the RE universe was just two years old? Marie Skłodowska–Curie won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry, having already shared the Nobel Prize in Physics with her then husband in 1903.

Like yeah, women scientists haven't been many - but that doesn't mean they did not exist, even before women's rights was a thing. He sounds like the kind of guy who recognizes the patriarchy hasn't allowed women in higher positions for centuries, but who also doesn't realize that women have been mentally capable of such positions and have achieved them occasionally, just not as often as men did because well, the PatriarchyTM. To him it's like, Women got their Rights and Now they are as Smart and Capable as Men. Before they got rights they were only illiterate plebeians. It was us men who made them smart!

I don't even know where the guy got that Miranda was uneducated--- and illiterate???? Seriously??? Does he even know what the word illiterate means, and that this is immediately rebuffed by the fact that we see that Miranda has written entire books of notes on her experiments along with a letter to her daughter??? Spencer's letter on her lab??? Does this guy think Miranda had a scribe to read and write for her???!

Y'all, sometimes I think internet was a mistake. Dudes being bros are just unstoppable here.

But yeah, if these comments are verbatim, it just screams to me that he's a bitter, butthurt fan of the older RE games (like, the way he mentions the T virus and how it doesn't fall into PLOT HOLE SINS like the Mold does - and by the way, he probably watches too much C!nemaS!ns and unironically thinks they're right) who is also pretty uneducated himself (the only woman who was above washing dishes was fucking queen Victoria are you real bro? also good job on jumping from Romania to England, cause ofc there weren't any other queens in the entirety of Europe at the time, he's probably one of those MuricansTM who think that Europe is a country) and thinks he's right anyway because HE'S A TRUE RESIDENT EVIL FAN! and he's just bummed with how the RE team decided to take a different route and felt he had the knowledge to actually criticize their work.

Also, of all the things to hate Miranda for, lmao. The way he talks about her supposedly being "illiterate" sounds like he hates her for that and how the game made her OP and I'm like... dude. The game gives you so many reasons to hate Miranda for. She kidnapped Mia and Rose, then killed Rose and experimented on her and Mia. She experimented on thousands of people and made the Lords' lives miserable. She tormented Ethan. She's obsessed with her daughter to the point where she'll abandon all morality in order to get her back even a century later. And I'm like, y'all don't get that, you have to create a trait of hers out of fucking thin air to hate her? Y'all that shallow?

"a niche field of study that wasn't even widely accepted until MAYBE ten years before The Connections showed up to ask her for a Mold sample"

WHAT THE ACTUAL FCUK??? Alexander Fleming created penicillin from mold in 1929! Penicillin was then widely used during WW2! WHO THE FUCK GAVE THIS DUDEBRO INTERNET

Like seriously people like him suffer from an inability to shut the fuck up and especially to think before they post. He hates a female character for supposedly being "illiterate" and how the game made her OP despite that supposed illiteracy, and he doesn't have the self reflection to think wait, I don't know shit about the history of science, maybe I should either shut up or do my research before I post shit on the internet.

And I'm like... I don't know that much myself. Everything related to science I posted here was from a five minute search on wikipedia. That's all it took, yet that dudebro couldn't do it. But Miranda's the uneducated one, sure.

But y'know, I find it so ridiculous, lol. Of all the reasons to hate Miranda for! Her one and single redeeming quality is that she was determined to get her daughter back - every other trait of hers is there for us to hate her (not in a hate-hate way, but in a way that makes her a compelling villain - love to hate if you will) yet dudebros have to come up with shit to hate her for, lmao. Sadly he's not the only one. But at least we can make a laugh out of their shit, lol.

#long post #Resident Evil #anonymous #ask and ye shall receive

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