#(im talking to myself)

[suckishima]

why dont you go rewatch haikyuu season 2 and calm down a little

#and by you i mean me #im talking to myself #why must i agonize about every single then ive ever said ever #ive been actually socializing and Doing Things more lately and wow do i not remember how #im just convinced im constantly accidentally coming off as cold and rude #which has always been a worry but its been worse lately?? #even in text im like hmmmm lemme overthink every message and comment #and then still regret every choice as soon as i hit send #:)))) #anyway ive been rewatching an episode of s2 every night and it actually really helps #truly comfort season of all time #hq #x

[sleepy-vix]

what do u think guys, is it time for me to rewatch every tim burton movie in existence or ?

#/not directed at anyone actually #im talking to myself #sleepy vix #tim burton

[natjennie]

i have the ending breakdown sad part of left brain / right brain stuck in my head. where did this come from?

#the 'you were worried bout the things that he was scared about-' #'im calm and collected when you act wild i am the adult you are a child' #like that part on. #anyway. if you liked left brain right brain when you were younger hows your au/dhd #im talking to myself #bo burnham

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

really only tangential to your post but an Incredible story which focuses on River not trusting the Doctor is World Enough and Time, not the TV one, an audio with the same title, where she meets Six and like… very much seems not to know whether he is going to have the morals of the Doctor she knows. She thinks he might be voluntarily cooperating with the bad guys (he’s not, he’s just an idiot) and she even believes he’s left her to die. & like given the points you were making about the Doctor/River relationship… this story makes me extra crazy

oh man that sounds fun!! ive listened to a number of rivers diaries but mostly just with doctors i know so i havent heard this one but Oof, i might just go put it on my phone now

#ive been kinda avoiding audios with doctors i havent watched on screen yet but now im like maybe it doesnt matter #does it matter? if i meet them in audio first? #i feel like bc stuff like books and comics and big finish are so...derivative? in a literal way not in a pejorative way #that it always kinda works better to have experience with the foundation first if that makes sense? #bc like whoevers writing that stuff is working off of whats on screen #so it makes sense to me to watch that first to know what theyre responding to #but. maybe it doesnt matter and i can just listen to stuff #i meani dont think it makes a Huge difference #but just to like. have some idea of what a doctor is like on screen and like their timeline and stuff. helps i think #idk #im talking to myself #but imight go listen to this one #thanks for letting me know abt it!

[aemondstark]

aemond gifs coming tomorrow

#i wanted to do this tonight but after my 11 hour shift i am physically exhausted #im talking to myself #will delete later

[sugarchains]

DO NOT!!!!! look up how to build armor for a cyborg cosplay WHY would you need that!

go read a manga!!!

#im talking to myself #i saw a pic of cyborg and was like wow- #hes black #IM BLACK #I MEAN- #can you finish the school year first GOD DAMN

[kulemii]

girl get your black ass off tumblr and finish that gotdamn kashiwagi smut !!!

#no one read this post #im talking to myself

[finchurrito]

u gotta have the mindset that u are not just a girl who posts on tumblr.... in order to becom the tumblrina u must THINK like the tumblrina... u must BE the tumblrina.

#im talking to myself #kung fu panda #like in terms of awakening potential #tumblrinas creed #tumblrina of the colossus #so on and so forth #who gets me?

[nickismyspiritanimal]

Britta from community seems more like a female Nick Miller than Cece Parekh does if that makes sense. Britta and Nick are both slutty bisexual bartenders who are major losers. They both have such extreme emotions that dictate a lot of their day to day life and relationships. They both very sincere while also being full of themselves. Not to say that Cece doesn't embody a lot of Nicks traits too, like their shared stubbornness (and taste in romantic partners). But, Cece just feels a bit more well adjusted and less emotional than him. Even though she is definitely messy and emotional, she feels like she has it together more than him. Also Cece is a badass. Britta is definitely a loser on the same level as Nick.

#i am open to discussion #I just think loser britta is more like nick than badass cece #yeah ik this doesn't make any sense #im talking to myself #new girl #community #britta perry #nick miller #cece parekh

[redrockbutch]

[hovers my hands near you without actually touching your face] I need you to internalize that nobody -- not even the mythical Neurotypical™! -- automatically and instinctively knows how to socialize in every situation. Everyone fumbles and misses cues and gets out of their depth. Socializing is complex and often unspoken and that can be confusing to literally anyone.

Nobody is born perfect and similarly you are not born fully incapable. Social skills are skills which mean they can be honed and practiced and improved on. We are all always growing and learning and that's okay.

#im talking to myself #i have been in circles where people were happy to believe they couldn't improve on something that they didnt instinctively know #and that has affected how i view myself as a social being #but it's not true. i can improve just like anyone else #cassidy.txt #unrebloggable bc i know what tumblr is like lmfao

[politicsofheroin]

there's something spiritual in all this suffering,

something religious to the blood.

do you find god in the obscene?

can you hear his voice from the entrails?

can you feel the grace spewing from our severed flesh?

do you feel his forgiveness from an open chest cavity?

created in his image.

on earth as it is in heaven.

A vengeful, jealous, then indifferent god.

on earth as it is in heaven.

I see it in every opened body,

the world, my reflection, his,

can you see the divinity in it all?

I see God in all the places that are empty,

in all the silence and in all the dead air,

God is everywhere meaning is nowhere to be found.

How long until you escape the mirror?

How long until we escape the holy image of heaven,

and all the dead carcasses it hides in.

Shallow graves,

the quiet ground says nothing. Means nothing.

There's religion in the empty, in the senseless, in the nothing.

God is in the meaninglessness.

A spirituality of nothingness,

there's certainly something Holy -

Holy in the silence of the aftermath of the slaughter.

That Holy Hill of Crosses that gives rise.

God's Left Hand gives strength to the wicked alone.

The dead and the hunter,

a religious tradition.

eat what you kill

savor the end

be grateful for your discussions with God,

remind yourself of the cold, calculated, nothingness

next time you find bodies in a ditch.

Next time a stranger is bound and ended.

Remind yourself of the Holiness of it all.

violence be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

There's blood everywhere,

and there's something in the smudges and puddles.

Something

Just as meaningful as the dirt.

the world, the dead, God, Jesus, the Ghost...

their heaven is empty too. their heaven is covered in blood too.

And it means absolutely nothing.

I see through the eyes of suffering and violence,

the truth of this divine condition. that of human life on Earth.

in the nothingness that surrounds us,

in the silence of the ground.

Heaven and Hell are one in the same.

God and the Light Bearer,

are both alive in a stab wound.

And all the blood - our confession

That we understand God is nothing.

The Bible of the World is

Murder and Silence.

#spilled guts #spilled ink #poetry #mine #i almost think #im talking to myself

[short-and-ugly]

stop lying to yourself. this is your man

#gerrmisc #im not talking to anyone this isnt a vaguepost #im talking to myself

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[mrtequilasunset]

Listen man, you guys can't be like "you guys need to be normal about asexuality" and then turn around and get weirdly judgemental when you find out someone doesn't have sex by choice. Like that's weird that some of you do that.

#like I love sex im glad we're hyping it up #but also genuinely some of you have got to learn how to be normal around people who dont want to have sex #even if you're not talking about asexuality when you say stuff like that you're still being a weirdass #im not ace myself but i keep seeing posts that come across like they're taking it personally that other people don't want to have sex #it sounds like theyre trying to prove something to someone

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum