#(it’s also part of the reason he worries abt Messing Up in relationships bc he doesn’t want to lose a connection that feels so precious)

[waterghostype]

a bit of an unconventional post but here is rosel!!! struggling princess and novice of void she is my ninjago oc bc ive been infected with deadly oc brainrot disease…

oc ramblings under the cut lel

she is a princess with a tragic backstory . super original i know

in all seriousness she basically conjured up in my head while i was thinking “what could they ever do to recover harumi’s character from crystalized in dragons rising” and it all went downhill from here

she’s super energetic, lively, dramatic, basically a cringe theatre kid who doesnt shut up at all. she loves animals and nature and life and being elaborate and performing and all that jazz.

she’s basically harumi’s surrogate little sister. after being on her own for a bit and traveling all across realms she landed in this weird magical realm (one that i made up. lol) and was taken in by the royal family as a knight (basically) after she brought back rosel when she got lost in the forest. she’s having a terrible time in there BUT she’s staying because… there is a freakazoidal organization trying to take them down. super original once again.

harumi feels like shes sort of called to do something about it to somehow atone for her wrongdoings but she doesn’t want to do any more than she has to aka she doesn’t want to get close to rosel bc shes obviously very Not right in the brain and also because of her past

rosel originally had an older sister who was supposed to be the actual heir to the throne and she was totally chill with that! she liked to just have a second say in important stuff and do a lot of commercials like that was her whole thing and she enjoyed it. then her sister got assassinated so now she has to be the one to worry about everything and just be an heir all of a sudden. this is part of the reason why she got very easily attached to harumi and harumi knows this and understands what’s going on in rosel’s brain because a losing family then getting badly attached to someone bc you think they can fill that hole in your heart?? yeah not cool

doesnt help that harumi currently hates herself and thinks shes the worst person in the world (tbf she did do All that.) but the difference is when she was being unhealthily attached to garmadon he mistreated her BAD but here harumi actually tries protecting rosel and gets unfortunately attached as well which sucks! it’s like that grumpy old man adopts daughter trope except it’s a ~20 yo girl and a little sister

before she died rosel swore she hated her sister and they would fight allll the time. older sister (havent decided on a name) is really strict and pressured to do all her work as an heir and the oldest princess and i could go into more detail abt their relationship but just think oldest sibling vs youngest sibling shenanigans. theyd fight abt how rosel would never understand the pressure of being the heir in their political cilmate thing (yeah the made-up realm is going through it) but too bad so sad she got executed in front of literally the whole kingdom.

after a surprisingly short while rosel gets back on her feet after her sister’s death but shes just fakering oops. she has a bunch of bottled up issues but it’s ok! it’s ok!

also shes the elemental master of void. oops

this one is fucky wucky complicated but BASCIALLY my bs reason for her little mary sue op power is bc time twins were stuck in that weird time vortex all throughout everything And then the merge happened and the merge’s weird elemental energy whatever caused the time vortex and the twins’ elemental powers to get weird and because time is being messed up reality can be messed up and so this basically broken version of the time element gets transferred onto my girl rosel as if it was a regular degular elemental power which sucks bc it’s even harder to use and control and she doesnt even know how to fight so shes just struggling

she finds this out while on a journey with the ninja and harumi. like if it was a season itd be like episode 15+ she finds out. this is because she accidentally caused an important artifact to disappear out of nowhere, got sad about it bc she messed everything up, and then she accidentally makes a whole bunch of stuff (including living things) disappear too. yikessss

she doesnt want to hide it she tells the ninjarumi right away and theyre all like What the hell and shes freaking out but after some help she can at least keep herself from destroying literally everything.

until she messes up gets mega emotional loses control of her everything and starts voiding a bunch of stuff so she gets even more stressed which makes her void even more stuff and now shes basically destroying the kingdom shes been trying so hard to be able to rule. ooooopsies

after a whole thing with the power of siblingship and empathy harumi snaps her out of it and now shes absolutely baffled with what shes done and is a bit crazed abt the whole thing. bc of this she decides it’s best to train with the ninja (idk if she actually becomes one) so she can use her power better. btw harumi was able to snap her out of it and give her a hug without being voided because a) power of friendship and b) overlord resurrection she’s literally dead inside She basically is already voided in a way

so thats basically what goes on very sorry this is too long but i hope it all makes sense… i swear her story is better than the way i explained it (or maybe it’s not idk) i just have many MANY MANY thought abt her! i might ramble even more in the future so be cautioned. thx

heres zoomed in ver of the notes in case u need it

#ninjago #ninjago oc #lego ninjago #ninjago harumi #aphid artisms #aphid originals #princess rosel anjg #thats aphid ninjago #her design is weird i dont really like it all too muchhhh #but what ever #same thing w harumi oh my god that is the wippiest wip of a design dont even look #this is just her princess outfit though she has a diff fighter outfit #the thing is if she is a ninja i have no clue what her color should be #anyone else think too hard when making njg/lmk ocs. #like thinking abt what color bricks there are and what colors u can still use #and how a design would look on a minifig #sorry for being CRINGE but i cant stop thinking abour her… #i feel shes too much like me but better so it feels a bit weird #but shes more like me if i went theatre instead of stem #WHATEVER! i have an actual seperate like real cringe self insert ninjago oc Shes my for fun mary sue #bc making mary sue ocs is so fun #but rosel isnt like that shes like an actual character #ok i need to shut the up!

[yuukei-yikes]

What are your thoughts on whatever tf is going on between Kano and Shintaro post-str?

HEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEH OK LISTEN TO ME

kano is so in love with shintaro its embarrassing like ive reread the novels recently and girl.... hes down so bad its so embarrassing fgkjfdghjkfdghjhgnkjdhgkjdkj like post str shintaro has all this tomfoolery going on with ayano right. and kano...oh my god like.

kano finally got everything he wanted. everything he worked so hard for and acted kind of an ass for is here and now he's just like...left with all this self hatred and guilt bc hes like damn i shut out my siblings and dealed with all this myself and was a dick to this guy who wasnt even knowingly related to all this shit and i. got away with it? like i got everything i wanted? my sister is back? so he's just VERY depressed and feels so undeserving and guilty

everyone else is like in a relationship or whatever (im not a fan of when every single character has a love interest but damn kagepro does romance so fucking well has anyone ever noticed. anyways) and eventually before he realises it kano is living on his own and he's just generally so lost and without purpose and augh *dies* WAIT THIS WAS ABT KANOSHIN

sry i cant talk abt a ship if i dont talk a lil bit abt the characters themselves. like ok kano has All That going on and ON TOP OF IT.... HE LIKES HIS SISTER'S BOYFRIEND. THE SISTER HE'S BEEN TRYING SO HARD TO NOT LET GO OF ALL THIS TIME. THE SISTER HE'S SO INSANELY HAPPY TO HAVE BACK. so of course that makes him spiral down into guilt even more. shintaro and kano are sort of madeup too bc ok i know in the Good End we dont rly see moments like in the novels like kano coming clean abt clearing eyes or disguising himself as ayano but i like to think these moments happen at some point anyway. so going by this kano and shintaro ARE on good terms, shintaro has forgiven kano, he's all cute smiling to him and kanos like AUUUGHHH. and sort of. reverts back to being a little bit of a dick to him.

not super directly but sort of how he was at the beginning, acting how he acts with everyone but there's like a Vibe. shintaro notices and hes like damn i thought we were ok but ig its because im dating ayano and he's overprotective. and that's rly part of the reason too!! shintaros relationship with ayano is sososo messy so kano is so ANGRY because this asshole is out there making his sister cry!!! idiot bitch!!! BUT ALSO HE STILL LIKES HIM

i think when shintaro and ayano have Their Break kano and shintaro have a fucked up little thing that neither would qualify as a relationship bc both are busy hating themselves but like. they definitely kiss you know what i mean. that pic that's like we both have problems that making out won't solve but it can't make it any worse (except it does because this is so fucking messy KANO IS SHINTARO'S (EX AT THE TIME I DONT THINK HE'D CHEAT)GIRLFRIEND'S BROTHER. THAT SUCKS SO BAD FOR HER) also shintaros internal homophobia etc etc etc. lol a fucked up moment of shintaro practicing apologizing to ayano with kano disguising himself as her bc hey i need to practice while looking at her face. and its so messed up for them both. theyre the worst

when shintaro and ayano are back together he would tell her while kano would take it to his grave and augh it brings drama between ayano and kano which is exactly the last thing kano would ever want and hes so mad at shintaro. ayano isnt rly mad she's just surprised and worried for kano, because she doesnt rly see it as omg so fucked up my brother likes my bf she rather sees it like my brother is in pain and currently suffering from unrequited(?) love i need to help him!! and starts kind of helicoptering over kano and eventually kano has a breakdown etcetcetc i dont have an ending for this but these are basically my thoughts lol

ofc there's also shintaro just dates both and/or doesn't get back together with ayano... those are also good options that i like too heh

#ask tag #headcanons #kanoshin #ayashin divorce

[izzy-b-hands]

Ongoing PTSD breakdown trauma stuff below the cut, pls ignore, just need to spew it somewhere that like. I know my feelings will be safe to have and type up and whatever. Also, sorta? mild our flag spoilers under the cut bc my brain is a mess and I use characters I love to help metaphor out and explain my own shit so. yeah. that's also a thing here.

Motherfucking random traumatic memory abt Mum fucking. Randomly hitting me while I'm writing fic (for no apparent reason, no idea what triggered my brain to throw this at me when I WAS NEARLY DONE WITH THE FUCKING FIC NO LESS)

So goddamn rude. I'm off my track on the fic now, so I'm setting it aside for the night (we have Ren Faire today (it literally just hit midnight lol), but after that I want to get back to it) and realising I should really write this memory down.

Like. all of the little details about it, the bits of Mum and I and our relationship surrounding it. Both because my brain does tend to shutter some of those things away and makes them hard to get to without it being stupid lengthy a process involving talking out every feeling I'm having with someone else(unless it pulls some shit like tonight, then suddenly it's no fucking problem throwing it all over the place apparently) and because like

I don't know if I could say this one out loud to anyone, but I think I should. Probably a therapist, but it's one of those stupid trauma things of you just Want Someone, Anyone To Know, Now. To acknowledge it and say if it was as fucked up as it feels (bc I will never deny the possibility that I'm being dramatic and it isn't, and I should just. chill the fuck out about it.)

But every time I start trying to type it out I get hit with this wave of a physical response where my arms and wrists and fingers feel like they're clenching up and I Can't type it. And there's a part of me that doesn't want to because if I can see it in letters on a page, then it's real. It's real and it happened and maybe it was as fucked up as it feels like it was and if that's all true then like. it fits with everything else about our relationship that's already fucked up, from the severe (better than it used to be, but I'm sure it's very clear to y'all that it's still Not Good even though I've moved away from her) co-dependence to the emotional incest (fun fact: that term feels like a gut punch every time I hear it, and I've heard it from my therapist more than a few times now over the past 9ish years of treatment.) So I shouldn't be shocked by that or like, upset, right?

Yet I'm here typing this out to put off typing it up, and I'd bet money I don't necessarily have that I'll wind up putting my laptop away, showering, and going to bed without getting it typed. For better or for worse.

Part of the reason I worry so much abt Frenchie this season (aside from that I love him and he's one of my faves and I want nothing but good and happy for him) is because I also subscribe to his 'shove all the fucked up shit you've seen/experienced in a box in your mind and just. Never open it unless you're putting more in there' method of coping (have all my life, it was so weirdly validating to see it onscreen like that explained so plainly) and like. This is me when the box somehow pops open when I didn't mean it to, and I both want Frenchie to be able to process the things that have happened to him but also don't want to see a character I love so much hurt like this. Because it feels like a big stupid gaping open wound in my chest that I'm being entirely too dramatic about, no matter how valid feeling that way abt it might be.

Kind of hope I can just shut the lid on the box so I can get done and go to sleep after I post this. Should I actually type out the memory and everything? I hate to think that the answer my therapist would have given me, if I could afford to be seeing her rn, would be yes. But the thing is, I have fucking Ren Faire tomorrow in my Izzy cosplay (that Housemate says I look good in, which I'll vainly admit I'm rather happy about, even if it is a very inaccurate and homemade cosplay that's missing certain details I can't yet afford to buy), and I don't want to be dealing with any of this for the rest of the night/into tomorrow. I need to sleep so I can go have some fucking fun, for once. I even feel ok to bring my cane with folded in my bag, just in case I need it, bc that would still be in character if I wind up needing to use it. I can count on one hand the times I've had a fun experience where I also felt safe admitting when my body was hurting and using a physical aid to help it get by; I'm not losing this one.

It's not getting typed out, and I need to duct tape that fucking box shut for now.

#text post #long post #tw ptsd #ngl kind of feeling exhausted and can't think of what other tws to add so if y'all see one I should have pls msg me and I can add asap #here or on discord if u have my discord info whatever works #im going to shut my laptop down shower and try to force myself to cry in there #bc the fact that I haven't had a big physically painful sob session means I'm not fully done with this rough patch bc they ALWAYS get bette #after I have The Big Sob Session #until I have it I just have to work hard to keep myself together and not let it affect other stuff which tbh #this stuff ive carried so long that even in like. active breakdown or wtf ever u wanna call it #masking and getting by in public is somehow still easy enough #but that's another thing I'm fucking off to the shower pls cross ur fingers and toes that i at least cry a little in there so I can sleep l

[zombiepirates]

starting the blog off strong with my funny little hcs/redesigns for the main 4

read more for a looooong list of hcs

okay here we go

edd:

- 5'9

- half korean half white

- 26 in the end

- bi and the token cis friend, uses he/him pronouns

- built like a muscular santa LOL, definitely physically the strongest of the main four

- has lots of moles all over

- likes to have a clean shaven face but gets lazy sometimes. he has hairy arms, legs, etc

- OBVIOUSLY listens to the beatles his cat is named ringo. also is a pink floyd, journey, rolling stones, and led zepplin enjoyer. he likes bo burnham too

- i see his personality as being like. he doesn't start chaos but boy is he happy to join in and be along for the ride.

- actually is pretty apathetic a lot of the time *points at pre legacy edd who wants nothing to do with his friends when he has to put effort into the relationship*

- gets so competitive over every. little. thing.

- has adhd , was hyperactive as a kid but now struggles to muster the energy to do anything that doesn't relate to a hyperfixation (animation and writing comics are the major ones)

- tics as a result of his adhd which pisses him off especially when he's drawing

- also stims quite a lot ☺ canonically gets flappy hands + his "broccoli!" is ABSOLUTELY a stim r u kidding

- still has leftover powers from poweredd! they aren't always there but if he feels threatened they can pop up. his eyes turn completely green when he uses powers 😮

- really quick on his feet and is always able to pull the boys out of trouble if need be (big reason why he naturally falls into a leadership position)

- only eats junk food unless someone sits him down and forces him to eat a proper meal. eats really frequently too, always has a bag of chips and cola within arms reach

- drinks and smokes 🍃 socially but never by himself. isn't a fan of anything with nicotine

- likes beer and whiskey, and takes 🍃 in pretty much any form without a preference

- his green hoodie is a comfort item so he is p much always wearing it, even in the summer. otherwise wears t shirts and cargo pants

- his lucky can is also a comfort item

- vibes really well with tom! they're both really chill and mellow when around eachother. they like to talk about movies together

- when with matt his energy level is definitely boosted. they like to go out to eat, go to the mall, and ofc go to amusement parks

- tord activates the competitive part of his personality lol. they butt heads a lot but most of the time it's in a joking way. loooove to play video games together

tom:

- 6'1

- black

- 25 in the end

- bi with a male preference, doesn't label his gender but is somewhere inbetween agender and male. uses he/it/they pronouns

- messes with his hair a lot, most of the time it is bleached more than it should be. it sometimes has shoulder length locs which he'll tie into a ponytail

- has many scars up his arms and thighs

- has tons of piercings everywhere bc he uses it as a form of sh and figures nobody will notice (tord totally does n worries but never says anything)

- muscular arms and chest bc he works out when he's mad (which is. frequently!)

- has stubble and very thick + usually untrimmed sideburns. also lots of body hair

- nails are usually painted black

- enjoys ska punk fashion

- has lots of patchwork and embroidery on his clothing. wears tons of accessories , chains, rubber bracelets, belts, fingerless gloves, yada yada

- ok im abt to rapidfire list artists i think it listens to bc. he loves music so <3

sublime, queen, david bowie, radiohead, ac/dc, abba, nirvana, oasis, deftones, korn, the smashing pumpkins, neutral milk hotel, the smiths, pavement, violent femmes, and pixies

- a lot of ppl write him as like. always serious and deadpan, never experiences joy. THIS IS INCORRECT!!!!! this is literally the guy whose running bit is "random xd"

- tom is the first to make a joke out of a shitty situation, in fact his inability to read the room causes problems sometimes. he def made jokes about tord after the end and it made edd and matt massively uncomfortable

- also sometimes makes those awkward self deprecating jokes that are not funny but. he's working on it

- relies on situational humor to be funny

- generally is quiet unless he wants to make a lil snide remark or someone speaks directly to him

- ......unless he's drunk. GOD does he love to talk when he's drunk. usually about himself, although it could either be "i'm worthless" or "i'm awesome and sexy"

- SO BAD WHEN PPL HAVE EMOTIONS... lacks empathy so if someone cries in front of him he has no clue how to react

- very possessive + protective of susan and tomee bear

- *unfolds list and puts on reading glasses* has depression, mild social anxiety (was bad in hs but is getting better), adhd, ocd, bipolar, + insomnia and obviously issues with alcohol. sorry for making him mentally ill it is simply how i see him

- his alc addiction is actually a lot better than it was pre legacy :] especially post the end he is able to occasionally drink socially without it being an issue

- of course i will talk abt monster tom omg. so their monster traits (super strength, increased height, claws, horns, tail) will appear when he feels any super intense emotion no matter what it is. it's typically painful but not always , n its very rare that it assumes full monster form without injections from tord/the red army

- his pessimistic nature comes in handy bc edd and matt don't think abt the risks or possibility of failure for a lot of things so tom is able to reel 'em back and help ground everybody

- forgets to eat all. the. time. and when he DOES eat, it's at like 3am when he grabs a plain bagel from the kitchen

- prefers vodka when drinking but will take anything. not a huge fan of hard seltzers or beer though bc they don't get him drunk enough. i think they prolly like taking edibles to calm their nerves and likes to smoke weed with tord

- probably has a juul that he gets too embarrassed to use outside of his room . not as into nicotine as tord but certainly enjoys it

- makes money as a film composer .. he loves what he does but also wishes he could be a director

- used to work part time at the local bar but uhmmmm

- tom and matt just enjoy being in eachothers company tbh. if they're sittin in the same room on their phones both of them will consider it a good time! tom also likes to play matt music

- i could write a whole essay on tom and tord's relationship but i have so many thoughts i can't even figure out my train of thought. my god

- they bond a lot over hating things LOL they'll watch stupid movies just to laugh at. tom will go on a rant about how he wishes he had the budget to make a blockbuster film and tord just listens

- tom is secretly interested in tord's inventions but would never ask about them so as not to boost his ego LOL

matt:

- 6'4

- white

- 26 in the end

- unlabeled sexuality, almost exclusively likes men. genderfluid and uses he/they + comes up with new neos for himself biweekly

- an absolute twig with very little muscle. he does have very broad shoulders however which gives the illusion he might be anything other than a string bean

- his hair is in awful condition because he treats it horribly 😵 it's naturally curly but since middle school he has straightened and put gel in it daily

- nails always look very nice, sometimes gets extravagant and colorful manicures but usually just has french tips. their nails are quite long

- has long canines and a bite mark scar on his neck

- covered head to toe in freckles

- little to no body hair, they barely have to shave bc they simply don't grow much

- big fan of maximalism in fashion and interior decor

- has his ears pierced and a little stud on his nose

- really enjoys music, listens to madonna, kesha, the millionaires, marina, britney spears, doja cat, avril lavigne, and of course

gwen stefani

- yes he is stupid but not. THAT. stupid. this dude was the leader of a zombie army .

- he's very smart when it comes to manipulating people and likes to use his charm and good looks to get what he wants

- HOWEVER . they lack some common sense. he definitely would use his phone flashlight to check a clock in the middle of the night LOL

- struggles to understand sarcasm a lot of the time

- constantly seeking validation from the boys and ESPECIALLY tom. tom isn't the most affectionate so when tom compliments him his brain explodes /pos

- he was that kid in elementary school with nut allergies n all the adults catered to him LMFAOOOO

- has cute petnames for the boys (dimples for edd, teddy bear for tom, captain for tord) also uses handsome as a name for all of them rather than an adjective lol. he calls tord sunshine when he wants to peeve him

- goes ALL OUT for holidays!!! decorating and gift giving sparks joy

- took french in high school and actually enjoyed it a lot, he's almost fluent

- likes going to parties bc he's constantly understimulated so bright lights and loud music = A GOOD TIME

- always has incense or a candle burning

- has sensory issues with a lot of food (canon example would be him not able to eat ice cream bc it hurts his teeth)

- autistic , ocd and bpd haver . i specifically think he has ocd because of his compulsive hoarding

- actually has a decent eating schedule 😱😱 he eats a lot of fruit . don't ask why i know this i simply can just see it

- enjoys drinking quite a lot actually, they're a big fan of fancy cocktails. enjoys edibles but HATES smoking and vaping, coughs a lot when he does. probably vomited his first time smoking and was traumatized ever since lol

- works at a novelty toy shop in an outlet mall 😁😁 really genuinely loves his job and is so sweet to customers .

- he is still a vampire! thankfully since modern mirrors are not backed by silver he can see his beautiful face🙏

- can't eat garlic and can't be out in the sun for very long without a parasol

- is good at comforting the boys when they're upset, not great at giving advice but they're a great listener and shoulder to cry on

- likes to watch anime with tord 👍 although they have very different taste in anime for the most part, both of them enjoy shounen

tord:

- 5'2

- white

- 26 in the end

- i know. logically.  in canon he definitely likes women (see: kim and katya) but it is simply my opinion that he's only attracted to anime girls and when interacting with irl women he's uncomfortable

- that being said he's gay and transmasc, uses he/him. he was so quiet before leaving and then when he comes back he's  suddenly super boisterous and can't shut up? there's no way he didn't start T and get top surgery in the time he was gone

- muscular from being in the army but when he takes time off to work on inventions he'll eat exclusively instant noodles and takeout so he has some pudge on his tummy, hips and thighs

- scars all over which he claims are from combat training but are just from him being careless with his weapons

- massive eye bags bc his sleeping schedule is horrid

- started bleaching and dying his hair a much lighter brown about a year before leaving , when he gets depressed or too consumed in his work his roots can grow out a decent bit though

- had lots of acne as a teen but is finally free in his 20s

- bites his nails so they look VERY ugly lmao

- sharp teeth >:)

- can get pretty tan in the summer and has freckles on his face, arms, and shoulders

- can't grow facial hair 😒😒 has hair pretty much everywhere else though

- has a few ear piercings and a tongue piercing

- pre legacy tord was emo and legacy tord / red leader is military goth

- since tord was emo in high school and he simply never decided to find to new music his playlists just have ptv, old p!atd, paramore etc...

- he likes hentai in canon so i'm going to pretend that automatically means he is an anime enjoyer! his alltime fav is code geass because r u kidding. a mecha anime abt a guy taking over the world using intellect rather than brute force .

- he also enjoys fooly cooly, death note, mobile suit gundam, promare, fma:b, evangelion, and gurren lagann

- his fav anime characters are lelouch and asuka <3

- his personality pre legacy is . MASSIVELY different  . he was kind of jst like "i'll keep my head down unless A. edd or tom tries to start shit or B. i get to talk about the military or weapons" LOL

- he always knew he was destined for something greater though and had been working on blueprints and finding materials for his giant robot since hs

- started building it a few years before he left . i like to think he didn't take it with him because he knew if he did he wouldn't have a reason to ever see edd, matt, or tom again

- already had connections to paul and pat , they kept in contact after school bc it was always the plan that they would take over the world together

- i think tord stayed in the army seen in moving targets, rose through the ranks, and slowly but surely included more and more of his own ideals into the teachings n trainings of new recruits until eventually they broke off and became the red army

- paul did basically the same thing in his branch of the army and then conjoined it with tord's, pat and yuu being in paul's branch (i hc yanov was in tord's)

- tord is very good at manipulating people into thinking they know what they want which is how he was able to keep soldiers on his side despite being a communist in the uk which is. very much capitalistic!

- even before joining the army he didn't have a job because he can't keep a regular job for life of him. instead he does the majority of the cleaning around the house

- does that silly thing where he forgets words in english so he's like "the uhmm... the thing! with the! yknow !"

- curses in norwegian

- refers to the boys by their full name (edward, matthew, thomas) if he wants to emphasize a point or really get their attention

- defaults to babe or doll as a petname. calls edd and matt his "brave soldiers" in a sweet way and for tom its in a condescending way

- forgets to shower often 😶 typically smells like cigars, gunpowder, oil + grease and sweat

- very intuitive

- a little too confident about his intellect though so when he gets humbled. the man is in Shambles

- has adhd , aspd, bipolar, c-ptsd and insomnia (these boys are all mentally ill)

- not a huge fan of drinking because he's a little Too emotionally vulnerable for his liking and gets uncomfortably hot, if he does drink he'll almost always have bourbon . enjoys smoking pot a whole lot but almost always does it by himself because he gets giggly, flirtatious, and very willing to dump out all his secrets . is very very very addicted to nicotine (strongly prefers cigars but will also use cigarettes, doesn't vape tho cuz he thinks it's uncool LMAO)

- POSSIBLY me being self indulgent with this hc but tord loooves shotgunning with his bfs more than anything  , he is so sad matt isn't into it

- is also with paul and pat but their relationship is much more casual than with edd matt and tom. tord cares more abt the success of his army and cause than kissing his handsome soldiers (unfortunately)

- tord and pat's relationship is like. tom and tord if they used their shared negative outlook on the world for a combined cause instead of a reason to fight constantly

- tord and pat struggle to talk about things other than the red army which upsets paul

- paul is kinda just here for the ride and loves pat and tord very dearly

- paul strokes tord's ego a bit more than what is probably safe lolololol

#eddsworld #ew edd #ew tom #ew matt #ew tord #eddsworld redesign #eddsworld headcanon #tord.draws #tord.lit #polyworld

[lunaastoir]

fluff/relationships w the mondstadt crew

characters included: diluc, kaeya, and jean

gn! reader as always <3

tw: fluff??? domesticity??? crack??? ideal relationships w people who will never be real??? also mentions of alcohol!

an: so i’m back w a sequel to my “fluff/relationships w the liyue crew” since you guys seemed to really like it <3 thank you my heart is literally melting 😩 this post was getting too long so i excluded some of the characters but expect a part. 2 (more like part 3 but part 2 to the mondstadt version)! 

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diluc

man. this MAN.

that’s it, that’s the headcanon. 

he would literally be the most doting lover in the softest ways

SUCH a soft romantic like you thought you knew love??? nah this man will show you what love is

will constantly leave you things around the winery to convey his silent thank you’s and appreciation for you putting up with him being busy for most of the day

it’s always the most thoughtful things ever too like-

you mentioned how nice it would be to have some fresh lemonade with the hotter weather outside but it was too late in the day to actually go to the market in search of fresh lemons 

the next day you walked downstairs only to be greeted with a pitcher of cool lemonade with a side of lemon bars

there was a note attached to the handle of the pitcher <3 

“i recall you mentioning how lemonade would be perfect for the warmer weather so i decided to make some for you this morning. i hope it’s still cool by the time you drink it. love, d” 

pls sir your hand in marriage

he secretly loves it when you usher him to bed after waking up in the dead of night to see him working by candlelight on reports 

soft hands on his cheeks gently whispering about how, it’s been far too long and come to bed, darling and there will be time for this in the morning

his protests are light given the dark purple hues under his crimson eyes but he’ll still make a little fuss 

don’t let this man fool you tho he’s so so touched that you care enough to check up on him and drag him to bed!!

sometimes on the days he has a bit more free time, the two of you will quickly grab your dinners and race to the highest spot in the winery to watch the setting sun

these moments are always filled with laughter, something you’ve found you’re easily able to pull out of diluc, simply because it’s you 

uncontrollable sobbing

he would let you paint his nails black like the angsty man he is 

frankly he would let you do anything to him if it makes you happy <3 

ok but wait diluc w bLACK NAILS?? AND RINGS??? i would die on the spot ⚰️

on the topic of makeup, this man is surprisingly really good w it 

i like to think he learned after practicing on kaeya when they were younger bc kaeya was really into makeup

you found out after babysitting klee one day and trying failing to draw eyeliner on the sweet girl after her “big brother ‘bedo!”

you hastily grabbed some wipes, gently wiping off the messed up design before attempting to dive back in 

diluc however, had some down time so he decided to check up on his favorite chaotic duo 

only to be met with a pile of dirtied makeup wipes, your frustrated expression, and klee’s growing jitteriness 

swiftly moving to your side, he quietly asked if you needed help 

you glanced up quizzically before handing him the eyeliner, already looking around to find more makeup wipes when this inevitably goes wrong 

to your utter surprise tho the eyeliner is perfect??? two perfect winged lines??? in less than a minute??? WHAT

you just stood there like 😦 before diluc got back up and handed you the eyeliner 

you were short-circuiting, klee was ecstatic, diluc was worried about you 

ok last thing abt diluc 

crack! warning but the both of you like lowkey pranking kaeya 

for diluc it’s revenge on his annoying brother; for you it’s good - natured sibling rivalry fun 

every time the two of you see kaeya, one of you always swipes something of his 

small things really, it could be a pen or a handkerchief

one time, diluc swiped kaeya’s spare eyepatch and from the looks of it, kaeya’s only spare black eyepatch bc he was frantically looking for it yk he’s desperate when he even asked diluc if he saw it

the two of you spent an hour nearly laughing your asses off 

all in all, life w him is so sweet 

kaeya

pretty boy? pretty boy. 

while i can’t guarantee stability, life would never be boring w this man that’s for sure

piggy back rides 🗣 piggy back rides 🗣 piggy back rides 

he LOVES it, the feel of you on his back while he’s walking around mondstadt most likely carrying you to your commission 

he finds it comforting especially since he can hear the rumble of your voice against him while you recount stories, or just babble on about everything under the sun 

he is SO dramatic so obviously when y’all reach the site of the commission he has to kill all the monsters even tho the both of you agreed to split it up evenly 

he makes quick work of his set before stealing some of yours much to your chagrin 

you scold him but can you really be mad at him when he looks drop dead gorgeous freezing the hilichurls the answer is no, no you cannot be

oh my god ok wait-

he does this thing where he tries to spook you in public 

so say you’re getting groceries at the mondstadt general store

you round the corner just minding your own business, looking around, taking in the sunshine 

and suddenly you just hear someone drop in behind you but before you can register anything you hear a soft “boo” and hands circle your waist 

you jump SIKE let’s be honest you shrieked 

meanwhile kaeya’s just laughing his ass off 

you can hear his rich peals of laughter while you attempt to regain your bearings 

he does this so often you SHOULD be used to it but you really aren’t bc mans is SNEAKY-

he cards his fingers in your hair whenever you’re speaking 

he doesn’t know why, it’s just a cute habit and he finds the feel of his fingers in your hair soothing

oH on the topic of comfort, kaeya really likes resting two fingers on the back of your neck???

ik he seems like the type to throw his arm around your shoulder which yes he totally is but during more serious conversations his hand automatically seeks out the warmth of your neck 

your neck feels amazing especially during the warmer months due to his chilly fingers contrasting with your warm skin  

he likes that he’s able to access such a vulnerable part of you and you would willingly let him 

HE GETS YOU MATCHING OUTFITS

no i will NOT take criticism on this i just kNOW he’s that type of guy

it would be those stupid “i’m his” and “they’re mine” sweatshirts like BYE 

it’s so cringy but for some reason it’s oddly adorable and you truly despise it but you can’t seem to say no whenever he asks 

you pretend to ignore the look of pity diluc throws your way whenever he sees you like this

kaeya really loves accessories so i think he would be the type to give you a promise ring or something similar to show that he truly does care for you 

he would brush it off, flirting a little like usual before handing you the ring 

with the way his cheeks softly darken though, you know he’s being genuine 

TICKLE FIGHTS ik i mentioned this for childe but shhhh

he has tickle fingers??? his hands just loOK like they’re itching to tickle someone so you’ll most likely be the unfortunate victim 

he will not show you mercy. at all. he’ll tickle you until there are tears streaming from your eyes, your face is hot, and your voice is hoarse from laughing so damn hard 

it gives him such a rush of serotonin its SO CUTE 

i feel like this goes without saying but he’s super into pda,,, anything and everything is on the table 

hand holding? duh. ass grabs? ofc. carrying you bridal style around mondstadt? why not 

ik he’s typically very playful but once the relationship reaches a certain stage, he’ll slowly start to let down the walls that surround his facade 

very very slowly show you the more realistic parts of him 

the real, damaged pieces of his soul 

he’ll be carefully monitoring your reaction though, any sign of fear or disgust will have him recoiling within himself again and you most likely will never see his true nature ever again 

SO BE CAREFUL 👹

once you’ve seen the parts of him he’s offered to you, the hushed whispers of his past, and the uncertain lines of his future, he will take off his eyepatch 

pretends like he’s not super nervous but he’s SWEATING- 

the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen though hands down 

you can understand why he covers it up but you would like it if he felt comfortable enough to take off the eyepatch occasionally when he’s with you 

also!!! sleeps with his eyepatch side facing you (in the event he wears it to bed) 

if this happens you KNOW he trusts you bc it’s his blindside <3 

anyways life w kaeya will never be boring but he is a very complicated man 

stay with him though, i promise it’ll be worth it 

jean

the key to jean’s heart is coffee and food 

GET HER COFFEE AND FOOD

i am begging you she deserves it 😭

the poor woman works so hard bc the knights are so mf understaffed, this is literally the best way you can ever show her your love and appreciation when she has work

she will MELT if you have a hot shower and dinner waiting for her when she inevitably returns later than she promised

will completely refuse at first with, “you did not have to do this, it’s too much” but shush her as you shOULD bc she deserves the entire world 

she’s the definition of “you do something for me, i’ll return the favor ten times grander”

you leave a flower on her desk bc it reminded you of her??? you’ll wake up to find a whole bouquet of the prettiest windwheel asters you’ve ever seen the next morning along with a thank you note

she’s so sweet BYE

she gets flustered extremely easily so you obviously use this as an opportunity to tease her 

when you’re in public rest your hand on her waist and inch it higher until your hand is underneath her shirt and in contact with her warm skin 

she’ll actually short-circuit its quite adorable 

sometimes y’all will be cuddling and you’ll hear whispers of her insecurities 

“am i a good grand master? will i ever be as valiant as vanessa?”

reassure her!!! tell her that she doesn’t need to be like vanessa, she’s already amazing as jean 

if you haven’t seen her in awhile, track her down and schedule a lunch date 

she never misses appointments and if it’s for you, she’ll gladly make time to see you even if she has to stay up even later than usual 

OH-

GIVE HER MASSAGES 

she has so much tension and the sorest muscles from hunching over papers and running around on errands 

if you sneak into her office and quietly stand behind her before gently pushing down on the sore tendons of her neck, she’ll genuinely fall over on her desk 

so make sure you steady her 😀

after you feel how tight her muscles are though, you drag her to barbara bc she needs a healer asap 😭

while most of your time is spent in her office - you helping out in the ways you can while jean is overseeing knight duties - you still have your fair share of life outside of the favonius headquarters

jean never likes to sit still so whenever you have free time, the both of you head off looking for monsters to clear

bouken da bouken???

adventuring w jean is seriously the funnest thing you could ever do 

it’s just non-stop you accidentally getting into trouble and her having to come help you 

even tho the both of you are dead tired after fighting, what? 20 hilichurl camps now??? the laughter and joy in your eyes shows how you both truly loved every minute of it

it’s both a stress reliever, good fun, and a work-out <3

you’re definitely prone to getting dragged to angel’s share w kaeya 

kaeya and jean sometimes hang out after work at the tavern so inevitably you’re dragged along too 

all three of you are drunk out of your minds which just makes everything a MILLION times funnier 

kaeya slurring over his words makes the two of you start cackling endlessly while diluc just shakes his head making sure to not give you more wine despite your pleas 

angel’s share ft. kaeya and bartender diluc are always the best times fr fr 

life with her literally feels like y’all are married 

so much domesticity it’s so NICE ALJDKSFH

your house is always so clean and the color scheme is impeccable bc jean has such a good eye 

you have a chore schedule 😎 but it almost never works out bc jean ends up doing everything without you knowing- 

you always confront her abt it and she’s like 😁 “i had some time so i did them! no worries tho” like i- time??? where bitc-

oH- she has amazing style so you can bet shopping w her is literally the best experience 

she takes you to all of the hidden gems some places lisa recommended and helps you pick out things 

will 100% get really blushy if you come out in something and ask her for her opinion tho she’s literally the cutest

basically jean is a sweet girl who deserves the entirety of teyvat that is all. 

thanks for reading! if you have any requests don’t hesitate to send them in <3 

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin jean #genshin kaeya #genshin diluc #jean x reader #kaeya x reader #diluc x reader #genshin jean x reader #genshin kaeya x reader #genshin diluc x reader #jean #kaeya #kaeya alberich #diluc #diluc ragnvindr #kaeya alberich x reader #diluc ragnivindr x reader #kaeya-x-reader #jean-x-reader #diluc-x-reader #genshin headcanons #genshin imagines #genshin scenarios #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact scenarios

[starglow-xx]

(About the brother!atsushi) aRE YOU READING MY MIND MISS?! Because that has been on my mind for MONTHS. TYSM For writing it was amazing!! If you don't mind, may I request (if requests are open) atsushi, still an older brother, but with a sister that's 10-13 yrs old? It's totally fine if you don't wanna do it. Keep up the good stories, ily mwuah!

*sobs* you’re so kind thank youu 🤧🤧

i wrote this a bit differently i hope that’s okay anon! at first i planned for this to be mainly abt atsushi and the reader, but i decided to add in relationship hcs with the agency bc i ran out of ideas

if you guys liked this don’t worry! im planning a special part two for this one so be the look out for it hehe

atsushi with a tween! sister

ft. the armed detective agency

like in my baby sister hcs, you’re still the most important thing to him period

the two of you got picked up by dazai and kunikida when he was 18 (obviously) and when you were 12

for a 12 year old, you were a bit small bc of malnourishment (which makes atsushi feel so bad) so both dazai and kunikida thought you were a bit younger than you actually were

they assumed you were about 9-10ish

you and atsushi both share a favorite food !! chazuke :)

so when kunikida treated the two of you, he made sure you got more bowls bc like i mentioned above, he feels really bad that you were malnourished and under weight

(don’t bring this up but kunikida felt bad too hehe)

when dazai went with your brother to the warehouse, you were with kunikida

imagine the surprise of the other ada members when kunikida came in with a little girl dressed in rags that popped out from behind him

kenji was the one who vocalized his thoughts 

“kunikida-san you have a daughter?! wow! i didn’t know that! :D”

when you found out your brother was a tiger, you were a bit concerned but you were actually kind of excited

you were even more excited when you found out the two of you were going to be taken in by the agency

anything was better than the stupid orphanage

and besides!

you got a tiger for an older brother and a bunch of other super powered agents to take care of you! who could want anything else?

at your age, you’re very impressionable and can be influenced easily so atsushi makes sure to teach you more in depth of good morals and the importance of kindness

his heart swells with pride and relief when he catches you being kind to others

pride bc he’s proud that even after all the two of you have gone through, you still ended up being a good kid and having a bright view of the world

and relief bc he hasn’t failed as a big brother

pfftt like he could ever fail

but please, from time to time reassure him that he’s perfect and the only big brother that you’d ever want bc he rlly needs that kind of validation

with his salary and savings, he tries to buy nice things for you

what a sweetheart 🥺

he saw you eyeing that one dress at a store window? fast forward abt a week and half and it’s inside a pretty gift bag for you

you wanted to try that dessert from the nice bakery? that’s dessert after dinner at one point

but other than buying you things, he sets money aside for you

like all the time

(y/n), here have this, you might need it”

“but nii-san you just gave me—”

“take it”

#1 spoiler

also your #1 confidant and source of physical affection

you tell him anything and everything (except crushies and those kinds of things)

atsushi loves it when you talk abt your day and he can see the big smile on your face and the sparkle in your eyes

it gives him the strength to keep going 😖😖

the two of you aren’t as touch starved as you’d probably think, but that’s only bc the two of you had each other

in your opinion, no one can match the hugs of your big brother

and it got even better bc YAYY he has tiger arms now ٩(◕‿◕)۶

if you ask, he’d carry you around too hehe

you also get nightmares quite often so he’ll always be there ready to calm you down, talk if you need to, and rock you back to sleep

god i love him 🤧🤧

atsushi will do everything in his power to protect you and make sure you get to grow up happy, supported, and loved

port mafia attack? oop he’s already taking you to the nearest escape route

someone is starting to harass you? they just got suckered punched into the next week

you want to go out to have some fun? he’ll go ask the president for a day off

you’re not feeling well? he’ll take another day off and take care of you

whatever you want to do, he’ll do it with you! (as long as it’s within reason)

will always be your #1 supporter! and he’s the president of your fan club hehe

he loves you so so much and will do anything for you; your life and happiness will always be more important to him

you are his reason to keep going

agency head canons !!

atsushi is your big brother, but kunikida is most definitely some sort of father figure

everyone can see it

except kunikida of course

kunikida scolds you lightly if he thinks your manners need work or if you make a mess in the agency

you listen to him of course and in turn as some sort of a reward, he’ll give you pieces of stationary

he always gives you the nice, good quality kind and you’re over the moon

atsushi adores it when you come running to him showing your new notebook or fountain pen and blabbering what you’re going to do with it

sometimes it isn’t even as a reward for being a good child; he’ll just give it to you and he’ll say smth like “i noticed you’ve used up your last notebook quite quickly, so here’s another one” or “did you run out of ink? here have this then”

he usually has a soft spot for children in general, but he most definitely has a soft spot (or a thousand) for you

yosano is kind of like a motherly figure to you

she gives you the guidance a mother should and goes on shopping trips with you!

atsushi always gets dragged along by you, but he thinks it’s worth it seeing you look so happy

yosano being a doctor also tries to teach the things you should know, or things that would be helpful to you

she’ll teach you the basics of cooking, sewing, how to treat a cold/fever, etc

also gives you excellent advice 1000% of the time

“remember (y/n)-chan if someone hurts you come tell me and then i’ll chop them into—”

“yOSANO-SENSEI DONT TELL HER THAT—”

fukuzawa is like a father to most in the agency but you see him more as a grandfather figure

bi weekly tea and gossip sessions hehe

along with cat talk!

most of the time though, it’s just you talking and him listening to you, but the two of you enjoy it nonetheless

“and then kunikida-san ended up crashing into a pole and dazai-san started to laugh at him and i did too because it was really funny but we ended up getting scolded—”

“hmm i see...”

he’ll let you stay in his office as he fills out paperwork; you’re usually doodling or drawing in your notebooks

sometimes he’ll meditate and you’ll join him, but 4/7 times you’d fall asleep

you always wake up with a blanket over you

dazai is like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

frequently takes you out with him when he ditches work

walks in the park, eating at uzumaki so he has the excuse of treating you so he doesn’t have to pay his tab avoiding kunikida and sometimes chuuya and akutagawa, all that fun stuff

also tries to not talk abt suicide in front of you especially if it’s just the two of you alone

he knows that you mean the world to his pupil and that said pupil would probably hate him for putting suicide inside your brain

he teaches you random but useful things like how to pick a lock, how to steal kunikida’s notebook if you’re looking for some information, how to sweet talk your way out of things, etc.

is also the one to tell you that if you ever get a significant other to introduce them to the agency first

he always wants all of your gossip; some of them work pretty well for blackmail

“dazai-san! dazai-san! did you know that kunikida-san lost his glasses and he was looking for them for nearly an hour when he was just holding them the entire time??”

“woah really (y/n)-chan?! hey hey can you say it again into this recording device so kunikida-kun would believe me when i tell him—”

always ends up giving kunikida a heart attack when he says that you’ve been with him all day

ranpo is also like a cool but a highly concerning and kind of high maintenance uncle

will share some of his snacks, but don’t push it or you might not get anything at all

loves it when you compliment him

if you tagged along with him and your brother on a case, he will show off to impress you

“...and that’s how the crime happened”

“UWAHH RANPO-SAN YOU’RE SO COOL”

atsushi is lowkey and kunikida is highkey stressed that ranpo’s eating habits will rub off on you

“ne (y/n)-chan do you wanna try this highly caffeinated drink and this concerning amount of sugar filled snack?”

“can i really?!”

“rANPO-SAN NO—”

ranpo definitely does stuff like that on purpose 

the tanizakis are like siblings to you!

a weird set of siblings but siblings nonetheless

the two of them adore you and think you’re precious

atsushi definitely knows how to do your hair whether it’s long or short but he got even better at it when he asked the two

hehe braid trains are definitely a thing + kyouka and kenji (and maybe even dazai)

sometimes you have sibling swap days

you’re with junichiro for most of the day and atsushi is with naomi

strange i know

each of the tanizaki siblings try to make it fun bc they know that the two of you did not at all have a happy upbringing

junichiro likes spending time with you by taking you out to different places that naomi likes to frequent

like the mall, different stores and restaurants, the park, places like those

naomi does the same thing with atsushi so if you ever bump into them, you go out and eat together :)

besides atsushi, the next one in line who spoils you the most would be junichiro (and yosano & kunikida both coming in at a close third)

he honestly can’t help it; you remind him of how naomi was when she was younger

and besides

he’s always been a sucker when it came to the happiness of a little sister

“would you really buy this for me junichiro-san?!”

“of course! don’t worry about it” :)

wanna talk abt boys/girls/celebrity crushes things like that? naomi is your girl

you feel a bit embarrassed to go talking to yosano or your brother abt that and kyouka does not know a thing abt them either

“uwahh naomi-san look at all these people in this magazine! they look so good!”

“right?! but of course onii-sama is still the best—”

you get along with kenji and kyouka quite nicely being roughly the same age as them; they’re also like siblings!

just pure, wholesome vibes from the three of you

you’re over the moon when she finds out that kyouka is staying with you and your brother

atsushi is twice as happy seeing you talk your mouth off and finally having a girl around your age to talk to

“do you think demon snow can change how she looks?”

“hmm... im not sure...”

you and kenji talk abt anything and everything

he even teaches you how to take care of plants!

sometimes the two of you are kind of in the same boat bc you don’t know much abt yokohoma being stuck in the orphanage and kenji doesn’t know much abt cities in general

“wait where are we again kenji-san?”

“ah we’re close to the ports! but im not really sure how close because i don’t know what the symbols on this sign mean”

“don’t worry! neither do i!”

bonus things!

yosano was kind of too late teaching you abt you know what

“NII-SAN IM BLEEDING IN BETWEEN MY LEGS”

you’re sobbing in the agency’s bathroom and atsushi is panicking trying to get you to open the door

“Y/N?! H-HOLD ON LET ME GET YOSANO SENSEI”

ranpo overhears and cackles making everyone around him confused

suddenly atsushi bursts in the agency basically on the verge of tears rambling incoherent sentences abt the bathroom, you, and blood

it just clicked for everybody in the room

(im going to pretend that kenji has sisters back home so that atsushi is the only one who remain oblivious here hehe)

atsushi is genuinely confused and sort of concerned that no one is freaking out with him

yosano waves her hand saying smth like that she’d take care of it and junichiro pulls atsushi to the side to talk to him

fast forward like half and hour and dazai and ranpo are cackling on the looks of both of your faces

honestly not sure who’s more traumatized, you or your brother

“why does this have to happen” :(

“ne ne (y/n)-chan!~ you’re too young but at some point you’re not going to have it!”

“uwahh really dazai-san?” :D

“yeah! but first you have to have ANFK—”

next thing you know your ears are being covered by your brother and dazai is thrown across the room by kunikida

you know

the normal

you’re twelve and have never gone to school, but the agency takes care of that

it’s too dangerous to go to school so they teach you what’s necessary and whatever else they can

kunikida takes care of math (obviously)

yosano takes care of science/biology/anatomy/health (whatever you wanna call it)

ranpo even dragged poe to help you with english

atsushi even got lucy to help you out with english too!

as tanizaki and naomi used to be students, they give you their old work books and they try to teach you all the other subjects

sometimes kyouka and kenji are there learing with you too!

sorry if there’s some errors! i’ll read through it again later :)

and as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

#bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bsd anime #bsd manga #nakajima atsushi x reader #atsushi x reader #nakajima atsushi #atsushi nakajima #x reader #x female reader #plantonic headcanons #armed detective agency #ada #armed detective agency x reader #ada x reader #kunikida x reader #dazai x reader #ranpo x reader #yosano x reader #fukuzawa x reader #kyouka x reader #kenji x reader #tanizaki x reader #fluff #headcanons #anime #bsd headcanons #bungou stray dogs head canons #bsd scenarios #bunogu stray dogs scenarios

[callixton]

Josh and Toby for the HC ask post 🥺

thank you!! toby answered here and you’ve probably heard most if not all of these before but that’s okay bc i’m gonna pretend u haven’t

toby got a little gender and sexuality section so josh can too. in my heart josh is gay <3 he struggled a Lot with coming to terms with this (i think started to figure it out in college and then repressed the hell out of a lot of those experiences), in no small part bc he’s the only surviving child in his family and he didn’t want to be Different in that way, he wanted to make things easy on his mom and not give her another reason to worry (coming out to her is one of the hardest but most gratifying things he does). lotta internalized homophobia on this man for a While too. as he grows more comfortable with himself and starts to come out to the people around him, he really comes into his own though. other thoughts: gnc josh my beloved <3 he Will get a swishy skirt if it kills me and his friends are extremely supportive of this, ftm trans josh and amab enby josh (he/they rights for both)

josh has adhd! most of the characters in west wing are nd in some way In My Head but his adhd really feels borderline textual. uhh severe rsd, his organization methods, his need to talk things out out loud, impulsivity, to some extent his difficulty in relationships. not as canon, but i also think he gets bad executive dysfunction, has sensory issues, and has had hyperfixations on space, theoretical physics, and the american revolution (part of what sparked an early interest in politics)

josh Struggled in school. essentially extrapolating from Everything he does in 20 hours but he didn’t have any coping mechanisms and couldn’t learn the ‘right’ way with his adhd (also v fond of ur dyslexia hc and i think those are co-compatible). he always got good grades, but that’s bc he worked really hard for them. and socially, he’s never known how to shut up when he’s right, and this was only worse when he was still in high school (cue smartest kid in the class speech). kids around him clocked him as gay before he knew himself, and he tried to mask a lot of the things he didn’t like abt himself to the point where they stood out again. he had a few close friends in high school, but no one he ever felt like he could really open up to, and he lost touch with all of them when he went to college. college was also rough academically, bc again i do not think learning has Ever come easy to him, but socially and mentally he was in such a healthier place that he could better deal with it.

generally i think that josh Also has chronic pain from rosslyn, but specifically here i’m gonna talk abt his asthma -- the bullet collapsed his lung, i have a very hard time believing that wouldn’t have some sort of long term effect on his lung capacity. the first time he has an asthma attack he’s convinced it’s a panic attack, which means he doesn’t get help for a Lot longer than he should. before he learns his limits and triggers, he does end up in the hospital for it once or twice, which he hates. oh also think that josh is used to pushing through sickness and still being able to do his job, but after rosslyn that becomes a lot more difficult and it frustrates him.

i go back and forth on whether he can cook but i do have to acknowledge the state of his fridge. anyway i DO think he can bake, he just doesn’t often have time. he Will however stress bake at 1 am, eat 70% of it in the same night, and bring the rest into work the next day. he’s also a Mess when baking like flour everywhere, cocoa powder all over his shirt. he didn’t use to wear aprons until cj gifted him a few with stupid sayings on them and now he wears them as a point of pride. also with the adhd/sensory stuff i’m convinced baked goods tend to be safe foods for him

#sorry i Know we've talked abt prettty much all of these before but i do now put all of my hcs into the server without a second thought so #honestly i probably have more thoughts on josh's gender/sexuality but that section is already! too long! #smaller things: #josh is an 'eats absurdly sugary cereal with black coffee' kind of guy #he gets a little black cat post noel #uhh seconding ham's thoughts on the way his survivors guilt interacts with his found family #and he definitely has a very specific connection to music bc of joanie which is part of why his ptsd's response to it fucks him up so bad #this one i'd argue is canon but he takes promises. very seriously #it's part of the whole loyalty thing but at some point i want to think more into his history with that bc there's definitely Something there #josh lyman #the west wing #ted talks #shannonhutchins

[k1rishiki]

i am curious, as someone who’s only exposure to arthurania was reading jane yolen’s young merlin as a child, would you mind saying why hnoc is a bad adaptation? i’m super curious but no worries if not <3

this has been sitting in my inbox for months bc i kept telling myself i needed to write a full essay with proof from medieval lit to make myself feel smarter.  however, since i’ve recently lost all credibility bc i can’t articulate points to save my life, and since i’ve realized that i could answer this in a just a couple paragraphs, now seems like the right time to answer this ask. sorry for the wait.

under a cut bc length

also warnings for mentions of racism bc this is hnoc we're talking abt and sexual assault bc this is med lit we're also talking abt

the basic problems are pendragon polycule itself, the story beats of the album, the fridging and lack of characterization of morgan le fay, the clear influence of pop culture arthuriana, and whatever the fuck happened with gawain/e.

pendragon polycule is... just not a good take.  there’s a bit in the lancelot-grail abt arthur viewing lancelot like a son (and lancelot not giving a shit abt him).  also arthur knew his parents for years before lancelot was even born.  plus lancelot just Doesn’t care abt him and i can’t stress this part enough.  arthur repeatedly tries to have guinnevere killed, mostly in the lancelot-grail, and guinn didn’t really have any say in marrying him bc she was a teenager.  lancelot and guinnevere is a lot better but that’s not saying much.  guinn doesn’t exactly treat lancelot too well... like at all, BUT it’s not intrinsic to their relationship and is completely caused by medieval misogyny and i’m all in favor of modern retellings saying fuck that.  but also lancelot has multiple pseudo-canon boyfriends (this is med lit after all), and one pseudo-canon husband so like... there were better options.  (also lancelot’s husband is basically in a lavender marriage with guinnevere’s maybe girlfriend who most authors just eventually forget abt as the story progresses).

this next one is a problem with a lot of modern arthurian works bc the inclusion of elayne of astolat is too much to ask apparently.  the grail quest isn’t tied to the fall of camelot, it just happens to be one of the last grand adventures the knights of the round table have.  the event that traditionally sets off the fall is the death of the maiden of astolat/the lady of shalott/elayne of escolat/she has a lot of names, her story has a few variations but usually she either is cursed to stay in a tower and weave and only be able to see the outside world through a mirror positioned across from her window, until lancelot rides by and she rushes to see him out of the actual window and her mirror shatters, setting off her death, or she lives with her father and brothers and takes care of lancelot bc he was injured for a time and she gets to go on adventures to find him and she’s friends with gawaine and she dies bc lancelot rejects her and this version’s a lot more fun but also more happens which makes it harder to explain.  the way her story ends however, is that she dies after she makes arrangements for a glorious boat to drift from astolat to camelot carrying nothing but her dead body and a letter explaining that she died of love for lancelot du lac and the court mourns the death of such a beautiful and young maiden (her age varies a lot but i’ve always read her as a young teenager at most).  but the important thing is, camelot is doomed from the moment she washes up on its shore bc she’s an omen of the end and has symbolic meaning and all that, the maiden of astolat washes up on camelot’s shores, the court mourns the loss of a maiden in her prime and she marks the end of camelot’s prime as well, morgan le fay reappears after being presumed dead and warns arthur of guinnevere and lancelot’s affair, aggravaine and modred conspire to bring lancelot and guinnevere’s affair to light, they succeed but lancelot escapes, guinnevere is to be burnt at the stake and lancelot rescues her, killing aggravaine, gaheris and gareth (gawaine’s brothers) in the process, gawaine drags his uncle and camelot to war bc he was driven mad due to the loss of his brothers, lancelot accidentally kills gawaine, his best friend and maybe boyfriend (i have RECEIPTS), and gawaine forgives him on his detahbed while lancelot and guinn rejoin arthur, meanwhile modred, who practically had the throne handed to him, usurps and invites the saxons in, camlann happens, and camelot is destroyed.  no where in there is the grail quest.

morgan le fay is honestly the most questionable part of the album bc there’s not a single text where she dies.  like....  at least with eurydice in udad she died in the original... there’s no basis for morgan dying.  also she is NOT modred’s mother and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar, she interacts with him once in the vulgate bc she had three of her nephews over and that’s IT.  it’s a horrible take which originated in the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley who is an honest to god monster for reasons i don’t want to trigger tag this post for.  also she’s one of the most dynamic and thought-out characters in the entire canon and they just made her a watered down morgause (modred’s actual mother, morgan’s sister, canonical milf)... there was no reason for it to be her apart from the fact that she’s more well known......

pop culture arthuriana is,,, one of my least favorite things.  no, morgan wasn’t modred’s mother, no, morgause wasn’t abusive but her husband sure was implied to be, no, aggravaine didn’t kill his mother, that was gaheris, he loved his mother, you’re only saying that bc he has a reputation as the “evil” orkney, no, the once and future king is not a good descriptor for arthur, stop making me read it, no, morgause wasn’t the one to initiate the thing with arthur resulting in modred, no, lancelot and arthur weren’t friends, no, tristan wasn’t a self-centered asshole, tennyson is a fucking liar, no, galahad didn’t have sex or want to, he’s one of the first ever explicitly asexual characters out there, no, galahad’s conception was NOT consensual, lancelot was tricked, and no, elayne of astolat wasn’t galahad’s mother, she’s implied to be younger than him.  those are just the big glaring ones, but i swear it’s bc of arthuriana’s reputation as a mythology and the connotations belonging to that word (no one true canon (which is true but there are still things that just AREN’T canon, not completely written down, passed by oral tradition) that causes ppl to see mediocre modern texts and go “oh. well this is abt as close to the original as i’m going to get” and don’t bother to look into so much as malory (who i only name bc he’s one of the most well known medieval authors with the most commonly used storylines, don’t read malory kids, he’s a mediocre-at-best writer even by medieval standards).  the big perpetrators of modern arthurian tropes are the books the once and future king by th wh*te, who is a shitty person and lets it bleed into his writing (which isn’t like... nice to read or anything, seriously why do ppl love this book so much it doesn’t have redeeming qualities), and the mists of avalon by marion zimmer bradley (it’s poorly written, the story is a mess, and mzb is honestly a monster and one google search will tell you that), and unfortunately the writings of tennyson, which are mostly good but he clearly didn’t read the povest (a later text that’s also my favorite, known for significantly improving ppl’s opinions on tristan, isolde and co.) before deciding he hated both tristan and isolde and he has HORRIBLE takes on them.  high noon over camelot is SEEPED in pop culture arthuriana and i think it would have been so much better if the band had read so much as a SUMMARY of the events of le morte.  it’s evident in the song “the once and future king” bc it’s,,,, literally named after one of the worst books in existence.  it’s shown in the morgan le fay thing, and it’s shown in the pendragon polycule thing.  and hell, i think you can even explain away the lack of elayne of astolat with pop culture arthuriana, bc ppl have had bad takes on her ever since th wh*te combined her character with that of ela*ne of corbenic, and the band probably went “huh, let’s write lancelot’s abuser out of this” and they would’ve been right to do so if that’s who elayne of astolat was.

the final big issue is gawaine, the closest thing the genre has to a protagonist, he’s pretty much canon bi and, in some texts, arospec, he’s a dashing knight of great reknown and he derails every romance to steal hearts, commit murder, and make out with every knight and lady mentioned.  and in hnoc he’s... racist.  that’s it.  it’s,,, almost completely unfounded by the arthurian canon and shows a major misunderstanding of his motivations (like i said earlier, he wants to avenge his brothers bc there’s a reoccuring motif of how much the orkneys value family).  i say almost bc in one text it’s his motivations for killing palomydes but i’ve never heard it mentioned by name bc that’s just what it’s known for.  most arthuriana fans just look away from it except when critiquing hnoc but that one text is an outlier, shouldn’t be counted, and i highly doubt the mechs made hnoc gawain how he is bc they found this text.  it’s just a bad text.

hnoc has,,, quite a few more minor issues, such as villainized ladies of the lake (their ONLY crimes were sealing away merlin bc he tried to assault teenage nimue/ninniane (proto-nimue/vivianne from the vulgate), and that one time vivviane/ninniane kidnapped adopted baby lancelot), assigning brain to merlin (y’know,,, the predator who helped arrange the [redacted] of arthur’s mother and tried to assault a teenager,,,) although merlin is portrayed in a positive light throughout modern arthuriana so i don’t think they knew, giving a song to pellinore, who my perception of has been forever altered bc i was introduced to him through malory and the explanation of torre’s conception, which you can just look up “sir torre arthurian” to find out abt if you can’t just Guess, if they wanted a song abt the questing beast palomydes was Right There AND has been associated with the questing beast for longer, but once again i don’t think they knew.

also namedropping a bunch of knights in the fiction is... it Suggests a bigger world full of all these other stories but they just don’t work bc the world of hnoc wasn’t designed in a way where the appearance of half these characters would make sense.  like,, tristan is referenced as dying in the grail quest in the same sentence as bedevere (one of the characters who is known for almost always surviving), but tristan Isn’t one of the knights who dies on the grail quest, his possible deaths (ignoring the potentially happy ending of the povest for a second) are either being murdered by his uncle, king mark (bc mark married tristan’s gf to try and get tristan killed and also to spite him), bc he was driven into a fury bc of tristan and isolde’s affair, or he’s injured and only isolde (the best healer in the world) can save him so he sends for her and if the ship he sent for her is supposed to fly white sails if she’s there, or black sails if she’s not, and the ship flies white sails but his wife (also named isolde) says it’s black sails (the why depends but usually comes down to jealousy), and so he gives up bc he thinks all hope is lost and usually succumbs to his injuries, either way isolde dies of a broken heart over his body.  there’s no way for the tristan and isolde story to play out like it’s supposed to in the world of hnoc, just as there’s no way for any story with gawaine (and Oh Boy are there a lot of stories with gawaine) or pretty much anyone else, without severely altering the canon.

of course, there are still parts of hnoc i like a lot, most of the music i adore and i just like the idea of space cowboys and the secret good hnoc that lives in my head.  and it has one of my favorite characterizations of galahad, even though galahad hnoc is nothing like galahad arthuriana.  it’s not GOOD but i like it and it’s fun to turn my brain off too, and i’ll always value it as my introduction to arthuriana.

also there are modern arthurian tropes i do like such as characters being genre-savvy/knowing they’re fictional/knowing they’ve done this before (which hnoc does wonderfully!) and bedevere-as-the-storyteller (everyone say thank you lord tennyson).

WOW that was longer than expected, i feel very passionately abt this, when i was planning to write a fully sourced essay i meant to include a bit at the bottom with recommendations to get into better arthuriana and i think i’ll keep that in this post.

if you like hnoc for the arthurian music i’d like to suggest heather dale’s arthurian music to you, she does occasionally fall into the trap of modern arthuriana (some parts of lancelot and arthur being close, morgan as modred’s mother), sometimes she’s just wrong (galahad at lancelot’s trial, a lot of tristan and isolde), and her stuff is kinda straightwashed sometimes (sir gawain and the green knight, for example) but i’d be lying if it wasn’t catchy, and it’s not quite as bad as hnoc adaptation-wise.  culwch and olwen is pretty accurate (albeit abridged bc culwch and olwen has SO many tangents), as is lily maid (it’s abt elayne of astolat!).

if you liked hnoc for king arthur... in space! then may i recommend to you my own fanfic? it's not posted yet but the second i finish writing the first chapter i'm going to make a Big Deal out of it that'll be impossible to miss!

if you want to learn abt arthuriana through tumblr-osmosis like i did at first, i’d like to recommend the love of my life @acegalahads, first and foremost (it’s me on a sideblog i’m just obsessed with myself), and i can’t recommend my arthuriana mutuals over there, @/gringolet, @/merlinenthusiast, @/jcbookworm, @/elayneofshalott, and @/elaineofascolat (the elayne urls have been popular recently), also i know for a fact that my mutual-in-law, @/itonje makes great arthuriana posts that i look forwards to whenever i open the tag.

here are a few good reference posts, a quick guide to the characters, a guide to characters of color, and a much more comprehensive intro to arthuriana post with even more texts linked to it.

if you want to ease into med lit, i’d like to introduce you to pre-raphaelite poetry, alfred lord tennyson and william morris are my favorites, although tennyson can’t be trusted with tristan and isolde.  the poem the lady of shalott is basically a rite of passage for arthuriana fans, although when it comes to tennyson’s writings abt elayne of astolat, i prefer lancelot and elaine, which is part of his much larger story, idylls of the king.  for morris, don’t trust what he says abt aggravaine killing his mother, but my favorites of his are sir galahad, a christmas mystery, which sounds like a shitty disney sequel, and palomyde’s quest, which i blame for my love of palomydes (that and the one bit of the povest where he asks tristan to be his greatest enemy and that he wants nothing more, gay ppl,,,,).

if you want to read abt lancelot and his husband, there’s the lancelot-grail cycle, which i believe was taken off of archive dot org and i think i found it on @/tobeisexhausting’s blog but don’t quote me on that.

the povest, which was a religious experience for me and i can’t reccomend enough if you want to like tristan and isolde, is here, i don’t know who scanned it but i think i found it on @/lanzelet’s blog

the dutch texts are just good in general, here’s a link to their section of a(n unfinished) site for hosting various texts by my former mutual @/reynier (who’s no longer on tumblr).  i’d like to recommend lancelot and the white hart specifically bc it’s mainly just just gawaine being gay for lancelot.

if you want older works, here’s my scan of the history of the kings of britain, and here’s culwch and olwen and pa gur.

oh wow this is even longer than i thought it would be so i’m going to wrap this up by saying that i always love to talk abt arthuriana more than anything if you have any questions or just are curious!

#med lit on main #asks #hnoc #the mechs #romeo.txt

[kimnjss]

Okay so I think endgame = Jimin. But not necessarily right away, I think like everyone is saying it would be good for yn to take some time to focus on her career, maybe even get to that fourth track from Yoongi perhaps 👀 four songs is a pretty good amount of songs for an EP…just saying. Then maybe after she creates some buzz for herself and she’s enjoying getting to do what she actually wants to so (I.e not stuck behind a camera at photoshoots) maybe she reconnects with Jimin? I definitely wouldn’t be opposed to that. Their chemistry is so good and sure they tried for 2 years but they’ve both clearly have learned a lot in the last month it was a steep learning curve and they could both continue to grow separate for a bit. I could totally see them both vibing doing their own thing and then maybe one day the label is like hey we want you to collab with an artist to create some more buzz and low and behold it’s Jimin (once she’s proven to the label she is serious and they stop holding her previous relationship dramas over her head). I’m definitely a firm believer in trying to see someone for who they are in the present and not who they used to be bc people are always growing and changing and learning and I would want that same courtesy. It’s hard to change but sometimes the harder part of changing is showing/convincing people that you’ve actually changed. Sometime that lack of faith in who you’re trying to become vs who you were really deters the progress you know? So sure he was a fuck boi™ but he’s evolving for sure.

As for Jin, I think in a different lifetime they could have worked, even if it started out as a fake relationship. I just think the timing was trash. It was really great to finally hear his inner dialogue and for him to have the opportunity to gauge yn’s reaction to his vigilance about their images in person bc I think that helped a lot, like he noticed right away, so it’s not like he wasn’t paying attention he just didn’t get to see it up close and personal like he did at an event as crazy stressful as an award show. I think that if yn would have had more time between her “breakup” with Jimin and the fake dating with Jin it totally could have led to a classic fake dating to lovers scenario. I do think Jin is genuine and idk him being an actor and possibly faking it doesn’t concern me too much, only cause I could totally see it evolving if given the chance. But yn starting off the fake relationship still having feelings for Jimin didn’t leave room for that, neither did the fact that Jin started at 100. He really went full force when she was still recovering and it just wasn’t the move. Hes definitely in love with love but I don’t think that means he couldn’t have found it with yn. It’s honestly kind of sad bc their breakup both real and fake would be sort of bittersweet. Like neither of them did anything super wrong and it’s not like there aren’t feelings there (the butterflies 🥺) it’s just that they’re just not enough anymore, which is a sad pill to swallow.

Sorry that was SO long 😂

-🐝🖤

it would be great for yn to step back from dating all together to figure out exactly what it is that she wants . her career has suffered a lot already from the way she's acted when it comes to boys nd relationships so focusing on that shouldn't be at the end of her list . she needs to bound w her fans (the ones that are left) nd work on her relationship w them before she can worry abt her personal life (if being an artist is what she really wants) . the reason jimin can do whatever he wants without worrying is bc his fans are ride or die for him ., they trust him bc he treats them like they're his best friends so no matter what the headlines say ., they'll always be there to support him - she doesn't have that at all ., so if she wants her career to leave the ground ., she needs to work on creating smth like that w her fanbase no matter what it is she decides she wants to do w her career . jin can help with that w how career oriented he is nd how much attention he pays to the media ., but that might not be the way she wants to do it nd could end up falling into the same issue if it's not exactly what she wants - it's smth that she needs to do on her own nd without all the mess the boys bring into her life ., she could do it quickly .

she wasn't given any real time to get over jimin before she was being roped into the relationship w jin (they were literally still together when it started) . so it was like a setup for jin the entire time ., while she did enjoy herself when she was w him nd she does have genuine feelings for him - that doesn't change that she was also in love w jimin nd those feelings don't just go away . it would take her a long while to get over jimin so even if she stayed w jin nd rejected jimin properly ., they'd both have to deal w her getting over him while being w someone else . which isn't all too far to jin . in the beginning ., their relationship was going naturally nd they were interested in each other - their management team forcing them to be smth more to save yns ass didn't help at all ., they rushed too fast into things nd that could end up hurting them in the end . she can trust jin ., tho . he hasn't lied to her nd makes sure to clear up any confusion she might have when he notices that smth is off . he really is the safe choice nd even tho she knows that ., it doesn't change that she can't help but wonder abt jimin .

#asks; ➿ #asks; kez 🍯 #🐝🖤 anon

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated

onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one

onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths

onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality

onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system

onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..

onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this

Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did.  I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl. 

I think kabu and minatos relationship  is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they don’t understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over.   you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what?? I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.

I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like you’ve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationships between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because he’s empathetic. Like I’m not sure about compassion but he’s very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. That’s how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothing’s done even tho he’s apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. I’m gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but I’m gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didn’t know how to navigate around it also because it’s heavily implied he’s going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why they’re good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (it’s a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. It’s the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think we’re led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end it’s clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesn’t only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters he’s like I’ll pretend I don’t hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesn’t berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isn’t it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. There’s probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows he’s supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? He’s like well.. that looks like someone else’s problem if they notice *goes and vapes* it’s so funny how little minato cares but it’s also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things he’s complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I don’t know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think it’s interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think it’s one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 I’m really extrapolating here but I think it’s very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like it’s almost the end of the world and he’s strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think that’s gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think that’s also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like he’s a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how it’s managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and that’s why kabu let’s minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. It’s why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesn’t get it at all and it means it’s goodbye forever. But it’s still not enough to save either of them. Minato can’t save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and I’m not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u can’t help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesn’t even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but I’m still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I don’t like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay I’m done. Also it’s kinda hard for me to look like I’m agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time

[seongwhy]

ateez reaction the their crush making the first move

hongjoong

hongjoongie !!! would be so happy !!! that you felt that way about him !!!!

he didnt make a move bc he didnt wanna make u uncomfy :(( so he disregarded his feelings for u

unknowingly to him, u like him back !!!

but since this lucky man didnt get the hint (and with all the touching and attempted flirting you're surprised he didnt)

you decided you had to make the first move

but being all nervous and shi ,, you gotta plan it out

just like hongjoong u dont wanna make him uncomfy !! yall the same mfs

so what u planned to do was grab some takeout and bring it to hongjoong when hes producing an chat him up an shit

and once u get to his place and have him all alone your heart starts racing

and so does his !!

and you're eating and laughing and has showing you a beat he just made

and you put your hand on his leg and hes like big eyes blushing and his mouth drops a lil

and you're like 'this is rlly good hongjoongie' bITHX HES CRYIGN

IM CRYING

and you lean in and kiss him on the corner of his mouth and hes just

'o-oh thank you' he says

and u smile at him and ask him to show you more

he takes a second to recover but blushes even more

and ur ready to kiss him til he stops blushing

so u do

but he doesnt

seonghwa

seonghwa tries his best ok

he just really likes you

so he ends up stuttering and tripping and literally falling for you

like oh one time he was trying to bring you water and he got too excited and was running and some of the water from the full glass fell on the floor and he just slid right on that shit

thank god you had your back turned talking to yunho bc holy shit he didnt know what hed do if u saw that

but the rest of the boys will never let him live that down

'hyung, remember when u fell trying to get water fo-' 'shut up wooyoung'

but seonghwa is just a shy lil boy around you fam

and it's not like you didnt notice bc hed be rlly chill rlly calm and funny when he doesnt know you're around

and then he sees you and hes all 'o-oh hi I'm going to go w-wash the dishes' he cleans when hes stressed

and when u ask the boys what's up w him they're like '..... are u dumb'

anyway after that it was just so obvious

youd catch him staring and make eye contact and hed look away so fast

but you didnt miss dem red ass cheeks

and you honestly like the attention he gives you

and when he gains a little confidence around you and makes a joke or does girl group dances or smth

you cant resist him

so one day you go over to the dorm and tell all the boys that they're all gonna have to leave so that u can get seonghwa to yourself

and they reluctantly agree bc 'but I'm tireddddd'

and when seonghwa gets home hes like . where is everyone.

and you're like 'oh them??? they just went to the store to get snacks I'm sure theyll be back soon come watch this show w me'

and hes like ,,, right

and you're just smiling and nodding and patting the seat next to you

so he sits obviously sweating

and you're watching this show and hes watching you

with every laugh nd movement his stomach coils a lil

and after a bit you look at him

and you're looking at each other

and you're eyes are watching his lips and you just say yolo and go for it

hes taken aback at first but leans into it

and you're a rlly good kisser

then you pull back nd hes looking at you with the prettiest smile on the prettiest face you've ever seen

'thank u' he says 'for what?' 'for that'

'just kiss me again dummy'

yunho

puppy!! lil baby boy!!!

ok so like the first part , let's say you two have been besties for a while now

and it's just a mutual attraction and mutual liking ykno

but yunho doesnt want to mess up the friendship you guys have by trying anything

the members are all 'bruh she likes you back' and hes like 'nuh-uh you're lying'

like.... they told u sis

and one day wooyoung tells you like.. listen sis yunho has a crush on you but he refuses to do anything abt it bc hes worried itll ruin your friendship that I wouldnt even call a friendship bc of all the sexual tension but wtvr

and you slap him across the chest for that last part but

wait,,, yunho has a crush on you ?????

'are u sure ???' 'yes, bITCH ARE U BLIND'

blind w love babyyyyyyyy

this is groundbreaking news bc what the heck your longtime crush and bff likes you back !!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

so one day bc you guys are honestly just so comfy around each other and you've been holding back for so long theres no reason to delay this any longer

you walk up to his room where the door is closed and knock on it (u guys have a special knock)

and he opens and you latch onto him and kiss him

tangling your hand in his hair and clutching the shirt hes wearing

and he immediately kisses you back

no hesitation

but then

'guys. I'm still in here. like im happy for u but god just do a quick room check next time will ya' san says walking out of the room shaking his head

you both blush and turn to look at each other

yall laugh then shrug your shoulders and yunho says 'are u sure abt this? I dont want to wreck what we have'

'I'm more excited about what we're gonna have baby' you say, and he smiles, nods and leans in to kiss you again hehehehehe

yeosang

ok dis man loves his chocolate

and you know that so .. you decide to make him sum desserts!! a whole bunch

bc you LIKE HIM

and u want him to LIKE YOU

and the best way to get yeosang to fall for u is by giving him chocolate right

but what you didnt know is that he already likes you (shocker!!!)

so you bake up some brownies and cookies and cupcakes and idek other chocolate tings

and bring them all over to the dorm for him to try

and hes so excited !! 'chocolate!!! for me !!!!'

'yes !! all for u yeosangie'

he just looks as you in awe and love

and picks up a fork ready to take a bite

he stops tho and looks at you and licks his lips

and you blush but laugh

and he puts the food in his mouth and just dies because its SO GOOD

and hes just mouth open eyes wide 'holy shit'

'what?? you dont like it'

'nonononono I LOVE IT'

and he runs around the kitchen counter and hugs you so tight

'thank you!! this is amazing!!' he says looking directly into your eyes

'youre amazing' you say

'what?' he says 'o-oh nothing nothing I didnt say anything'

',,,, you just called me amazing !!! omg YOU JUST CALLED ME AMA-'

hes cut off by you pressing your mouth against his

he pulls away and says 'what was that for?'

'I had to get you to shut up somehow'

yeosang laughs and leans down towards you but gets cut off again!!!! this time with a 'omg are these cookies??????'

',,, get out mingi'

san

bruh yunho looks so funny wtf

sannie is such a happy boy :(

his life goal is making you laugh or smile

he just wants u to be happy!!! and his smile is so contagious!!!

and that's why you fell for him

and now everytime he makes u laugh or smile or smth a lil bit of a blush creeps up your cheeks

san doesnt seem to notice tho but you're ok with that

n e way

yall get along rlly well

hes the reason you're at the dorm every friday night for movie night

and someone chooses a horror movie

its scawwy

and san (tho also scared) sits next to you so he can whisper jokes to u throughout the movie

through hushed giggles and smiles at one another u realize u wanna be in a relationship w this guy

and the next time you're at the dorm, you decided nows the time to make it happen

but when u see san he doesnt seem like himself hes slouched down on the couch cuddling with his stuffed animal staring at the tv screen with nothing playing

when he sees you walk over to him he perks up a lil but not like he usually would

so u sit next to him and ask what's wrong

he fiddles his thumbs and doesnt look at you

so u rub his shoulder and put your other hand on his thigh and ask him again

this time he just looks at you

'I'm sorry' he says

'for what?' 'you're not smiling and it's my fault'

'san!!!! it's ok you dont have to be happy all the time!!!! especially not for me'

his head hangs and he sighs

you lift his head and kiss him slightly

'its ok' you whisper

instead of saying anything back, he leans his forehead to yours

you kiss him again

and again on his lips cheeks forehead nose hands

and by the end of it hes shyly smiling

'there it is!! theres my boy'

he hugs you and for the rest of the day you stay snuggled up on the couch

that day it was up to you make him smile

and you did !!!

mingi

mingo mango

the gif is what he looks like whenever you're near him

hes always whining for you whenever you're not

and when hongjoong sent you a video of mingi doing just that you though it was the funniest thing ever

'I wish y/n was here you're all a bunch of losers' 'you guys suck!!! I miss y/n'

freakin hilarious

this is something u love making fun of him for

liek damn mingi am I that special? I didnt know u liked me that much? u got a crush on me mango?

and u notice that whenever you ask that question, no matter how much of a joke it is, he never gives you an answer

but u dont rlly think about it until you start developing a crush on him

at first it's like,, oh what a baby hes so cute eating the food I made for him

and then it's like wow I wish he would dance on me like dat me too sis

and then u start complaining whenever hes not around 'wheres mingi?? I've been waiting for like an hour' nd 'ykno what would make this even better? mingi'

and everyone is like ok we get it u like mingi

and when mingi catches whiff of this oh boy it's over for you

'so ig it's me that's special now huh?' he tells you one night

'what?' 'u gotta crush on meeeeeee y/n's gotta crush on mingiiii'

and you roll your eyes because . idiot

but then step closer to him and say 'maybe I do'

and that's when his eyes go wide 'wait rlly???' he asks and you can hear the hope in his voice

'all I'm saying is that if you kissed me rn I wouldnt be opposed' is what you say back

and kiss you he does

wooyoung

ok so wooyoungie and u

have such blatant chemistry

yall are constantly flirting and idk yall just click

but u dont notice it

I mean u see the eyebrow wiggles and sly smiles some of the members give u

but all that does is confuse you

one day when wooyoung is in the washroom yunho says 'so you nd wooyoung huh?'

and you're like ...huh

yunhos like 'u dont like him? all yall do is flirt'

and when he says that a whole wall came down in your head

a wall blocking you from accessing emotions of attraction and love and shit you're emotionally scared sis

and you turn firetruck red

yunho just laughs and says 'I knew it'

wooyoung comes back and asks what's going on

'I'll just leave u two alone' yunho says chuckling

you glare at him as he leaves youre gonna get him back for that

but wooyoung doesnt sense anything and swings his arm around your shoulders pulling you into him

and he asks what you wanna do for the night

but you're quiet and distracted with these new feelings you've just found out you have

wooyoung asks if you're okay

and you look up at him but suddenly cant look at him in his eyes. his really pretty eyes

so you turn around and go to grab your stuff bc you 'forgot abt that... thing' you have to do

wooyoung, confused watches you scurry across the room

'uh.. ok.. I'll see you tomorrow?'

'yeah yeah see you' you say not looking at him

you just need to figure your feelings out and then you can see him again

so back home you're racking your brain tryna figure out if theres anything you can do to stop yourself from falling in love w wooyoung

and speak of the devil, u get a call from wooyoung

u contemplate not picking up but decide that wooyoung is still your best friend

'hello?' 'y/n!!! are you ok?? you left really suddenly earlier' 'yeah wooyoung I'm fine dw'

'are you sure? we dont want the prettiest person alive to feel sad now do we?'

you open your mouth to say something back but nothing comes out

'y/n?'

you feel the heat rise to your cheeks as you ask 'are you still free?'

'uh for u? always'

blushing even harder now you say 'I'm coming over' and end the call

once you get there you're knocking on the door frantically

wooyoung opens up with a 'jeez y/n what's the ru-'

you basically jump on him and kiss him hard

you latch your hands onto his shirt nd he wraps his hands around your waist

when you pull away for air, wooyoungs looking at you with a smile on his puffy red lips

you smile back and say 'that was the rush'

wooyoung smiles harder and pulls you back into him

'took you long enough'

jongho

jongho cant believe u two have met

you're one of his favourite new idols

and you met at a show

and you told him how amazing ateez's performance was

blushing, he tells you how much he likes your music

you ask him if hes hungry to which he says yes bc 1) hes always hungry and 2) he cant say no to u ever

so u buy him one of those sandwiches w the jam and the coleslaw or wtvr you know what I'm talking about

and you sit to talk and eat for a while before you have to leave

you ask for his number and tell him you'll call him sometime

and you do

all the time

at first hes shy and boyish which makes you laugh

but after a while he gets comfy and will brag and sing to you and joke

you guys catch each other up on everything

he tells you all about the boys and the boys all about you

and you realise how good a listener this guy is nd how handsome!! and cute

and so at the next show you see him at you walk up to him

and with your heart doing flips and take his hand and tell him to walk around with you

he does and you lead him to a less busy hallway where you just look at him and say 'I like you'

jonghos like... wait. huh. what. wait i- and hes blushing so much even his ears turn red

'me? you like me? bc I like you too and if you're joking or something I would be really sad and I've told the members that I like you and they made fun of me so this would be great of u did like me but if you dont and this is a joke id be really upset' and hes rambling and not looking you in the eye

so you lean in and kiss him

'it's not a joke' you say

'its,, not a joke? are you sure?' 'I'm sure'

'you're sure' 'are you going to keep repeating everything I say? or are u gonna kiss me again?'

jongho, blushing even harder now, chooses the second option

#i loterally got to the limit on this ome #i got so into it #seonghwa #hongjoong #yunho #san #yeosang #wooyoung #mingi #jongho #ateez fluff #ateez scenarios

[sunsetsover]

I love your writing so much!! Do you still take prompts? If so could you write Ben and Callum dealing with/ calling out each others self destructive tendancies???

thank you so much!! i mean i don’t think i ever asked for prompts but i’ve been getting a steady stream of them anyway so ?? who am i to say no lmao???

i couldn’t really think of a way to work all of that into a fic so i hope you don’t mind headcanons instead!!! (also i am SO sorry this took so long!!)

callum dealing with ben’s self destructive behaviours:

ben has had like every self destructive behaviour going at different times in his life but the ones that worry callum the most are his excessive drinking when he’s in a bad place emotionally (esp after ben confesses that one of his biggest fears is that he’ll end up like his dad), his insistent, reckless criminal activity (bc it so often is reckless and also completely stupid) and his self esteem issues leading to self sabotage when it comes to their relationship (bc ben thinks he’s Terrible and that callum deserves better and so will try to push him away to prevent himself from being hurt in the long run (it never works))

and when they first get into a relationship callum feels like he can’t pull ben up on it.... like he doesn’t have the right... and also he’s scared of pushing ben away or pissing him off, leading to them breaking up or smth so for a while he just keeps his mouth shut and does his best to pick up the pieces after the fact

but after a while callum gets frustrated with it and eventually starts calling ben out about it - passing comments at first, but they (and he) eventually become more serious and he becomes less willing to let ben get away with doing his reckless bullshit

and it’s not until ben is doing some dodgy job (for his dad, which somehow makes it worse) and not only ends up black and blue, but also barely ends up outrunning the police that callum really, truly loses his shit. like it all comes tumbling out - everything he thinks, everything he feels in one long, endless stream while ben is sat on the couch nursing his bleeding forehead and potentially broken ribs.

callum tells him that he thinks he’s an idiot, first and foremost. ‘still doing all these stupid jobs for your dad, and for what? to prove a point? to prove you’re capable? that you’re a ‘real man’? it’s bullshit, ben. most of the time the only reason he calls up or comes around is because he wants something from ya, how have you not realized that by now? and now look at ya. look at the state you’re in. you think it does lexi any good, seeing you like this? you don’t even need to do these jobs, ben - you’ve got the arches, you’ve got the car lot; it’s not like you need the money. so what is it, ben? the thrill of it? or do you just like being being beaten up? is that it?’

ben tries to argue back, but callum is On One and he’s not having any of it

‘and what now- what, are you gonna drag yourself to e20 and drown your sorrows for the rest of the night? or am i the one who’s gonna have to get you something to drink? some liquid courage before you go and tell phil you’ve messed his job up?’

and that’s when callum sort of stops and really looks at ben. and ben looks fucking pitiful, sitting there. he looks destroyed by callum’s words. callum sits down on the opposite side of the room, suddenly feeling drained.

‘you can’t keep doing this. i can’t keep doing this - i think you’re alright and then all of a sudden you’re going off on one again and no one ever knows where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with and it- it scares me, ben. my phone rings and i’m scared that it’s gonna be the police, or a hospital, or worse.’ ‘alright, callum.’ ‘no it’s not alright! what if you had been caught today, ay? you’ve got previous, ben, you’d end up in prison-’ ‘alright!’ ‘-do you think lexi deserves that? only seeing her dad once a week during visitation, a table between you?’ ‘enough!’

and if ben didn’t look broken before, he certainly does now. looks fucking shattered.

‘i don’t want to lose you, ben. not to prison or to anything else.’

ben just beckons him over and callum practically folds himself into ben’s side (gently, bc ben is hurt). bc he’s angry, yes, but he’s also so, so relieved ben is here and not in some cell or a hospital bed. or worse. and ben just kisses his head and tries to think.

and you know, those stern words don’t fix everything, but ben certainly heard the message loud and clear. he tries to be better - only take the less risky jobs, always checks in with callum so he knows he’s alright. still drinks, but gets drunk less.

baby steps.

ben dealing with callum’s self destructive behaviours:

callum doesn’t really have self destructive behaviours in the same sense as ben - he’s more prone to just straight up self sabotage, though it’s not necessarily deliberate? like often he’ll do it without even realizing he’s doing it

like his relationship w ben - callum doesn’t really know how to be in a proper relationship! his only proper relationship was with whitney and then he would basically follow her lead and do whatever she wants bc he a) was inexperienced and b) was gay and keeping like a huge part of himself secret from her. so he’s used to staying quiet to keep the peace, probably thinks that’s normal. 

but ben hates it. hates that callum feels like he has to keep secrets or pretend he’s ok when he’s not just to keep ben happy. hates that he thinks that that’s how relationships work. and ben doesn’t really blame callum and doesn’t really get angry at him, but he does get frustrated bc callum doing all of that does lead to problems in their relationship.

and like ben just wants to help callum! but he can’t help when he doesn’t know what’s wrong! or that there even is anything wrong! because callum is so used to keeping secrets and having to hide who he is and how he truly feels away! and that’s something that they both kind of have to work on: ben has to learn to not get so frustrated abt the whole thing bc that just makes it worse, and callum has to work on being more open and honest about whatever’s bothering him, about the past, about his ptsd etc. and they do try, bc they both realize that if they don’t, their relationship is not going to work - callum especially.

and also extension to that: i’ve said it a million times but callum is too nice for his own good and that will lead him to spreading himself too thin just to keep everyone happy and/or to help everyone out, even when it means doing things he doesn’t really want to do (they’re complete opposites in that sense - there are a few exceptions but 95% of the time ben ain’t doin shit for no one unless there’s smth in it for him lmao). and that frustrates ben!! he’s like ‘who tf are you working so hard for! who are you stressing yourself out for! why are you overworking yourself to do extra shifts at the albert when you don’t even work there!!! you ain’t even gettin paid!!! like i know she’s my mum but she’s taking liberties!!!’

like it really frustrates ben to no end and he’s always telling callum that he needs to learn to say no to people bc he really will work himself into the ground one of these days and ben quite likes him where he is

but yeah apart from that? i don’t think callum has any other self destructive behaviours. literally he’s such an angel that the only self destructive behaviours are the fact that he’s so nice and wants so badly to help other people and keep everyone around him happy, even if it’s to his own detriment!!!

yh lmao sorry if this isn’t exactly what you had in mind, but i hope you enjoy it anyway anon (and again, sorry it took so long) 💞💞

#ballum #eastenders #headcanon #anon #question

[flyingcookierambles]

so i finished reading the northern caves

hey its a book ramble! after uuhhhhhh.. a year. anyways the northern caves! (https://archiveofourown.org/works/3659997/chapters/8088522)

i binged it in a whole day. and i have feelings. i think?

so ppl hyped it as a lovecraft-ish/otherworldly horror story and i think i got a bit sucked into that and let down a bit because to me the horror story wasn’t the implied dark magic connections the author had with uh. the Mundum. it was the unreliable narration and betrayal of friends. spoilers below!

so, if you’ve read the northern caves, you know what the Mundum is. it was just kinda introduced as some mystical thing in the universe that the author believed in. whether or not it was real was kinda left open ended i think.

if you for some reason haven’t read the northern caves (which will just be either the caves or tnc for typing speed’s sake), it’s about a group of online friends in a 2004 internet forum dedicated to a children’s book series called Chesscourt by Leonard Selby. the author died before he could publish his final book, The Northern Caves. thankfully, one of the ppl in the forums, metamarsh, is actually distantly related to the author, and in the event of leonard selby’s death and then marsh’s aunt’s death (i think she was selby’s sister or something), marsh’s family got all the belongings of leonard selby. all his journals, notes, and unpublished works left behind. TNC was one of them. marsh (or his aunt or some other relative) scanned the pages and released it online ig sometime before the story. and so the events of Spelunk 04! starts, in which the friend group of this forum plans an irl meet up at marsh’s house so they can go over the author’s belongings and try to make sense of tnc. tnc is, to put simply, a mess. there’s lucid parts and non-lucid parts, by which i mean that there’s entire pages of nonsense and also it’s mentioned that there are 3 entire pages that are just the letter “a.” this can easily be dismissed as the writings of a senile old man, until the revelation of the Mundum (mentioned above) comes up. 

then things so super wrong. 

so, the entire story is a “report” by a man on the forums named Paul. his handle is GlassWave. he is a person who went to Spelunk 04! and is part of the reason why the meeting went so wrong. around the part where the journals abt the Mundum come up, he totally gets into it. the narration around this part gets uh. kinda creepy. it also definitely doesnt help that there were drugs involved - adderall.

so uh. basically. paul and another guy, Arron/Errent Knight, get the Mundum. they dont understand why their friends dont understand it. the solution according to paul? put adderall into the coffee and stay up for 60 hours straight reading tnc in a group circle.

yeahhhhh.

so i personally wasnt super scared abt the entire lovecraft-ish/other worldly implications of mundum being real or not. it was the paul’s state of mind when he spiked the coffee with drugs. it was the entire betrayal thing. 

i personally haven’t really had the entire internet friends experience bc im p shy irl and online. i dont usually go talk to strangers in chatrooms/discord or anything. also stranger danger lol.

but i hear a bunch of stories abt that kind of stuff, the early 2000′s internet experience before ppl had more awareness of internet stranger danger. also i’ve been watching and reading abt a lot of internet drama thru commentary channels i watch nowadays (therightopinion is p good), and uh the whole parasocial relationship thing (so ive seen it be described as) is on my mind a lot now. since we view ppl as relatable and feel like we know them. now, of course, there’s a difference in the personal experience one can have between a youtuber or internet celeb and a person on an interactive forum/social media platform. i would think that more interactive platforms like forums or discourd would feel more personal to some than a celebrity but still. 

the entire narration of paul’s during the spiking the coffee scene was so rational-seeming to him. and then the betrayal that his friends, the ones at Spelunk 04! and online felt hit me. like, i’ve never personally experienced that kind of betrayal since i dont have internet/stranger friends, but still i think it’s really relevant now. on the 26th chapter (2nd to last), the forum comments of JimWind and Sally’s Lil Sis hit especially hard. 

JimWind:

Wow. Wowwowow. I just finished reading the whole thing through the latest bit GW's posted. I had heard things about Spelunk 04 having something to do with restaurant workers dying, but I just figured that was a baseless rumor because it seemed so hard to understand how that could have happened. But what really shocks me here isn't even that, it's the fact that GlassWave dosed his/our friends with hard drugs. (Adderall is just prescription amphetamine, AKA speed! WTF!!!) "GlassHole" indeed! TBH it really makes me uncomfortable with GW and getting this whole story from him. Of course when I first read this

“maybe not even the other forum members, not even the best among them, not even Jim, say”

I was flattered, especially cause GW's always seemed like one of the sharpest and nicest posters around these parts (until now!!). But now it kinda makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want this guy to think I'm one of the "best" Cafe people. And I'm holding back judgment on all this Spelunk nonsense until I hear about it from someone WHO ISN'T GLASSWAVE. (Plus, this is stupid, but there's something that makes it even worse about the fact that the diner has my name :P) No matter how you slice it, it's a sad day for the Cafe. D:

Sally:

Yeah me too JimWind. I'm literally crying rn. First Spelunk went wrong, then we have to wait to hear about what happened, then we finally get the report but it's from this jerk! I'm really sad bc this forum has meant a lot to me over the last year (its been a really tough year for me) and now I'm worried that everyone here might be some sort of drug-pushing creep :( :( :(

before this, everyone felt connected in some way w/ chesscourt and safe. and paul/glasswave was a decent person in the community! he talked to other ppl. ppl trusted him enough to invite him to this thing and meet up irl. and then he just. spikes coffee with adderall.

idk, maybe its just me since i was too young to be on fandom spaces in 2004 and be on chatrooms and stuff, but i feel like when the internet first came out everyone felt safe on it to some degree and the internet and real life were seperate spaces. now, esp with social media like facebook, real life and the internet are super connected. 

the fact that paul caused harm to his friends by spiking their drinks without consent is horrible. but like i feel like to ppl from 2004 who might not have experienced this kind of closely tied internet/real life drama before and also might not have the same sense of internet stranger danger that ppl have today, the idea of a person from the internet harming you in real life could be terrifying. today, i think that horror stories of ppl meeting online and then things going wrong is so common and in the news that we don’t bat an eye to it. but i guess maybe to 2004 ppl, this is like the ultimate nightmare.

when i finished the book, i felt a bit let down by the ending and stuff. it felt a bit anti-climatic. but after thinking about this from (what i think is) a 2004 person’s perspective, this is p awful. and the whole unreliable narration thing was very good.

i thought of midsommar a bit when i was thinking abt the ending. like, sure a bunch of horrible gory stuff happened and ppl died. but the real horror sets in afterwards when you realize that the movie is abt a vulnerable lonely woman in a neglectful relationship being indoctrinated into a cult thru drugs, isolation, and love bombing, and it was kinda shown as a “good thing” bc the protag finally found a place she belonged. when really, she was being further trapped in life, this time in a cult.

idk, but i guess that’s my ramble on the northern caves.

tl;dr - i read an original story from AO3 that was kinda hyped up for a lovecraft-ish horror, but i ended up interpreting the horror aspect differently and didn’t really get the mundum/lovecraft-ish part i think?

#a book review i guess #gummytruck rambles #the northern caves

[nightfayre]

hi im the anon ! i dont remember what i said >

and I’m alarmed by the fandom mentality. Maybe HT means good - but how would we know? we don’t have access to his thoughts - but we must judge his actions, and his actions are for the least very troubling. It’s always abt coercing Mo and not respecting his boundaries. I see the trope “when she says no, she means yes” here and once again, the fact the fandom swallows it uncritically (bc HT is a poor, hot tortured boy) is alarming. Forcing Mo to wear his gift stinks of “this is my possession, don’t mess wt him” 2/5

Maybe im pessimistic n its actually to protect him by distance, but once again he totally disregards Mo’s will. What if he doesnt want to be protected ? what if he doesnt want to be an object to be pass around between self-entitled psychos ? The first step to protect and help someone is by listening to them. I hope Mo will react strongly and will tell HT that by saying this, he’s no different from She Li. And i hope that would provoke HT to self-reflect a lot - smth he lacks tremendously. 3/5

That being said i love HT and tianshan! And what i love is how realistic and flawed they are. Theyre both hyper violent, distrustful, and severly lacking in communication skills. Im thrilled to see how theyre going to evolve -for the better or the worse, both is good for me. But i’m very disappointed by the fandom reaction like “ooh how cute hes possessive it means love!” or “actually its not bad doing HT doing that bc his intentions are good”. 4/5

And I will be vry, vry disappointed if OX decides to follow this trend and to not show how this kind of actions is detrimental to their reliationship and use the tired and dangerous trope of “being violent means that you care”. I trust them to be more nuanced than that bc until now they are great at drawing grey relationship. So yea i hope next chapter, tianshan plunges (before being better). Anw sry for the rant, and plz continue the good work !! 5/5

phew. there’s a lot to unpack here – but I agree wholeheartedly with you. since this post is already kinda long, I will put my answer/explanation under the cut!

the parts that I bolded in your asks are what I intend to focus on in this answer. strap in, because this is going to be a long one. 

before anything, let me put a disclaimer: I love He Tian. I love Guan Shan. I love Old Xian. I love tianshan, and I love where they are headed in the manhua. does that mean I also love where tianshan are right now? no, it doesn’t. and I’m here to explain why I look forward to their potential rather than their current relationship’s dynamics.  

one of the hardest parts about being in a fandom is being able to separate fiction, reality, and morality. this is especially hard when a fandom is as old and endearing as 19 Days, and when you fall in love with & are rooting for all the characters. furthermore, 19 Days is not a tragedy. of course, when Jian Yi disappears, it will be tragic. but otherwise the majority of the manhua is a comical, romantic slice-of-life plot. as such, it’s easier for what would usually be seen as blaring issues/problems in tragedies to be disregarded for comedy or, in some cases, romance in a comedic, romantic slice-of-life. 

this is exactly the case with tianshan. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: He Tian’s current relationship with Guan Shan is not healthy. he doesn’t listen to Guan Shan. he doesn’t respect his personal space. he doesn’t know where to draw the line. he doesn’t know how to properly communicate with him, and thus resorts to violence or threats. tianshan just have a problem with communication. and, sure, maybe it can be chalked up to the fact that they’re young and stressed and don’t know any better. but that excuse is almost as bad as the “boys will be boys” excuse, and that doesn’t make it any better nor does it justify their actions. 

He Tian’s idea of relationships is so twisted, and as I talked about in a previous answer, it can probably be stemmed back to his trauma with the puppy Cheng took away from him. I won’t get too deep into that since I explained it in detail in that answer, but keep this in mind nonetheless: He Tian grew up in a family of violence, distance, miscommunication, and lies. it’s all he’s ever known, and that’s what he’s applying to his relationship with Guan Shan. does that make it right? no, absolutely not. but he’s learning. 

when Guan Shan had a panic attack at the restaurant, He Tian learned that people aren’t robots/pawns to use at his disposal and rather have their own strong emotions/backgrounds that shape them. thus, he brought Guan Shan home without a word. when he had his night terror and woke up to Guan Shan holding his hands, He Tian realized that there are parts of Guan Shan he still doesn’t know and, potentially, an aspect of their relationship that they’ve only started to uncover. thus, he thanked him without preamble and with a bowed head. 

what I’m trying to say is that He Tian does have good intentions at times, but not always. he’s learning as he goes, because god knows he didn’t have a family to teach him how healthy relationships should be. there probably is a part of He Tian that only wants to protect Guan Shan against She Li, but he certainly doesn’t show it in the right way. he acts possessive because he knows that if he doesn’t, he’ll lose what he loves (*insert flashback to the puppy*). again, does that make it right? hell no. jealousy and possessiveness are not cute and are entirely unhealthy in a relationship. the fandom should view them as such, but should also keep an open mind when considering He Tian’s background. 

and honestly, the reason why I’m focusing so much on He Tian right now rather than Guan Shan is because if it were up to Guan Shan, he would’ve dropped He Tian within the first few days (maybe even hours) of meeting him. but because of He Tian’s persistence, Guan Shan has no choice but to be involved with him and retaliate when He Tian verbally/physically/emotionally attacks him. nonetheless, Guan Shan has tried to walk away from He Tian on multiple occasions when He Tian’s teasing became too much, and on those occasions, He Tian has given in. (ex. I can’t find the exact chapter, but there is a chapter in which Guan Shan refuses to use He Tian’s fork to eat He Tian’s leftovers, and he gets up and says, “I’m going home,” to which He Tian replies, “Fine, fine, I’ll buy you new food.”)

so yes – tianshan certainly have flaws. He Tian holds too much power, and Guan Shan can’t catch a break. the fandom romanticizes their interactions, but if you take a moment to think realistically and recognize that character flaws are essentially bad but also critical for character development, then there is an even balance in the readers’ relationship with the manhua. don’t support He Tian’s violent interactions with Guan Shan and claim “omg He Tian loves Guan Shan sooooo much when he forces Guan Shan to do XYZ,” but rather support the fact that he hasn’t physically manhandled/harmed Guan Shan in many chapters. support and celebrate He Tian’s development, not his flaws. 

and as for what you said about Guan Shan telling He Tian that he’s “no better than She Li”? while I don’t think He Tian is truly as bad as She Li, I actually think that would be a painful, great, and pivotal moment in their relationship. after all, the most consequential scene in tianshan’s relationship thus far has been the kiss. at that moment, Guan Shan had told He Tian outright that he disgusted him and to leave him alone. since then, I don’t think He Tian has ever looked so… taken aback. unsettled. 

and guess what? their relationship has only gotten better since then, and He Tian hasn’t touched him like that again. 

I don’t know, anon. it’s a tough call. I think tianshan have a lot more chapters ahead of them, and I don’t think Old Xian will allow them to end on bad terms. actually, I don’t think Old Xian will allow them to end on the terms that they’re on right now. they can only improve from here on out, but how Old Xian will go about showing that improvement is unknown to us. there are many paths this story can take, but rather than worrying about what might happen, let’s focus on the here and now. let’s focus on the problems at hand, and let’s focus on the development the characters are undergoing. 

don’t ignore the wrongness/cruelty of characters’ actions, but don’t romanticize them either. if you do, you’re only doing a disservice to the character’s personality, existence, and the author’s intentions.

(and as for this newest chapter specifically: I see why people can get excited about He Tian telling Guan Shan to wear the earrings. He Tian wants to verify to both himself and She Li that Guan Shan is with him now. that Guan Shan is no longer under She Li’s control. who doesn’t love a little verification of their OTP’s relationship, especially when it involves an enemy?

but at the same time, it’s unhealthy. Guan Shan doesn’t have a say. he’s being handed around like an object. I don’t think this is pessimistic thinking; I think it’s the truth that no one wants to acknowledge/hear. but I’m not saying that tianshan is wrong in this chapter; I’m saying that He Tian has good intentions, but he’s not showing them correctly. and there will be a chapter in which he does show them correctly, but we must travel this rocky road before we get to that point. patience is key, and I cannot wait until He Tian and Guan Shan reach that moment of clarity. you can’t have light without the dark.)

#19 days #tianshan #mailbox #anon

[punkbakugo]

1) i recently happened upon a post that argued that dvsk2 might be the 1 moment in the series where deku comes off as selfish and unheroic the reasoning being that even when he finally realizes there’s smthng wrong w how bkg sees himself and that hes the trigger he overlooks that and outright says that [quoting the post directly here cuz I have no idea what it’s supposed to mean] he’s “not enough of a nice guy” to stop him

2) and that he could’ve explained to bkg why he was wrong abt it all or could’ve cared that bkg was beating himself up over smthng that he had no reason to but didn’t and that he went along w the “meaningless fight” for selfish reasons

3) it was also argued that deku acted irresponsibly as the next ofa user. a responsibility he accepted and swore to. telling bkg abt ofa at the beginning of the school year was cited as another example of this and that it’s p plausible that he only half-spilled the secret to bkg bc he wanted for him to finally see him as an equal.

4) and this may tie into what deku wanted out of the dvsk2 fight which was to show bkg that he wasn’t weak ? he wanted bkgs acknowledgement of his potential and he planned on getting it by [to quote the post again] “punching him until bkg did”

5) which op stated to be the exact same thing bkgs been punished for time and time again since the beginning like getting targeted by the sludge villain immediately after destroying dekus hero notes and making the swan dive comment so that he wouldn’t have competition for UA

i would agree to an extent that deku has selfish moments but i think the argument in general 1) grossly misinterprets his motivations and 2) is unnecessarily harsh on him for handling things like an immature teenager

being selfish, at it’s most basic definition, means that you’re putting yourself first. this is not inherently a bad thing depending on what you’re doing, but calling a person selfish tends to have negative connotations, that you’re acting in your own self-interest at the expense of or with no regard for others. that’s what this person was arguing, that deku agrees to the fight solely in his own self-interest while disregarding bakugou’s well-being, which isn’t even remotely the case.

he could’ve explained to bkg why he was wrong abt it all or could’ve cared that bkg was beating himself up over smthng that he had no reason to but didn’t and that he went along w the “meaningless fight” for selfish reasons

deku didn’t want to fight over this and tried to deescalate the situation, but bakugou was very insistent on fighting, not talking.

he eventually went along with the fight because he cared about what bakugou was going through

deku agreed with the intent that it would help bakugou, that even though winning or losing wouldn’t solve the issue at hand, he needed this opportunity to vent the feelings he didn’t know what to do with otherwise and because of that he wasn’t going to just turn down the fight that bakugou wanted. (& all this is literally just in the text)

was this the most mature, sensible way to deal with this? of course not, future deku even states as much in retrospect, but this is an emotionally charged moment with someone he has an emotional charged and complicated relationship w/ and there’s a lot of desperation on both sides here. (plus there’s the whole shounen cliche of understanding someone better thru a fight blah blah blah)

now, once he legitimately takes part in the fight, deku states that he’s not going to hold back, that while he understands that this is bakugou’s chance to vent, he still wants to win. that’s what the “not a nice enough guy” line is referring to (also imo お人好し in this context would be better translated to something like “pushover”)

and a couple things to note: deku tends to be heavily motivated by other’s faith in him and his desire to not let them down & the initial purpose for this fight, as proposed by bakugou, was for deku to show him why all might chose him.

…prove myself!!

whether or not you perceive deku’s desire to win as something selfish in this context is up to you, but he is following the intended purpose of this fight. and regardless, bakugou doesn’t want to be coddled, he never has. that’s kind of a huge factor in the initial souring of their relationship so could you imagine how pissed he would’ve been had deku not taken this seriously?

next, deku telling bakugou about how he got his quirk because i also have a huge issue with this one

telling bkg abt ofa at the beginning of the school year was cited as another example of this and that it’s p plausible that he only half-spilled the secret to bkg bc he wanted for him to finally see him as an equal.

i really don’t understand how telling bakugou that he got his quirk from someone else would make him see deku as an equal? deku knew bakugou thought that he was tricking him by hiding that he had a quirk the whole time and wanted to clear that up as much as he could

is this an irresponsible thing to do as all might’s protege? sure, but, like i said, he’s a teen and he’s being impulsive (a bad habit of his!) because he doesn’t want bakugou to think he’s been messing with him. because he cares about him

while explaining himself he ends up essentially challenging bakugou, but it was something that spilled out in the heat of the moment, not what he came there to do.

you mentioned that the intent of the argument was to touch on how bakugou & deku’s relationship has been dysfunctional on both side, which i don’t disagree with as a concept, but not in the way this argument is suggesting. i think it takes scenes out of context in order to artificially add gray where it’s uncharacteristic and unneeded bc there’s already gray in other places (the mutual miscommunication for instance)

it’s important to keep in mind that deku is selfless to a critical fault, something he’s had to face consequences for from the beginning of the series because he needs to strike a proper balance. you can even think of it like this: deku’s penchant for self-sacrifice can, ironically enough, also come off as selfish if you factor in his loved ones concern for his well-being, how his lack of self-preservation worries and can even burden those around him depending on what he gets himself into. deku is not perfect and he handles things in flawed ways based on what he thinks is the right thing to do. he’s impulsive and reckless and throughout the story has to learn (often the hard way) to be more responsible with himself and how he goes about his duties as a hero.

at it’s core, deku’s deep admiration for bakugou and his resulting desire to not lose to him is both something that is self motivated and framed as positive in regards to deku’s growth as a hero (i’ve talked a bit more in depth about that here). like i said, he needs to strike a balance. it’s a detriment to your growth and well-being if you only think of others and never think about yourself so having this form of motivation is important for him.

there are things like the way he continued to chase after bakugou even after bakugou started pushing him away that helped fuel the complications between them (tho it’s important to note that he was a literal child) but deku never mindfully disregards bakugou’s feelings (see: the mutual miscommunication) or intends to “punch bakugou until he acknowledges him” or w/e

**ftr i switch between translations bc i like to use whichever’s closer to the original

#anon #asks #analysis #relationship: bakugou & deku #character: deku #rly rly sorry this took so long! i hope it was worth the wait in the end tho #also not super on topic but i really do hate when bakugou's character arc is framed as him being 'punished' but w/e

[gaybullies]

henmarsh au hcs as requested by @the-art-of-tender-souls!

-because ive already discussed this, henry would be real iffy and kinda scared letting her do ANYTHING that meant he didnt have control of the situation -but shed call him out, hes not nice enough at all for her to overlook it like she did tom -shed tell him what he was doing and also tell him why, whys he didnt even realize - their friendship would start of course with opening up about their bad dads - bev opens up first, he eventually asks certain questions as a(n eventual) segueway to talking not only about his dad, but patrick. she already knows the somea stuff cause shes a little spy, but she kets him talk abyways. to see it from his point of view. - they help eachother come to the conclusion that that shit just isnt normal - when theyre bored they put cigarette burns in the shape of hearts in each other. romance amiright - they hang out at the quarry a lot. or some similar place. neither of them like being home, even as adults - youd expect them to fuck before they got together, but actually nah. henry's too much of a pussy abt it, too scared of intimacy - you bet your ass she gets him into pet play tho - bev kisses his forehead and shit when they cry - they have crying sessions a lot, but it sometimes ends up with the both of them in a fit of giggles - they both enjoy the taste of vengence. pretty protective of each other but its obvious whos the more protective one - also henrys a bit possessive honestly but shes forcing him to work on that - henry doesbt physically hurt her friends anymore, at least not as much, but they all still dont rlly get along - of course the boys.tm (losers club) would be. hella against this. theyd be protective of her but wouldnt really do abything abt it bc they know bev can handle herself. they just worry. -eventually they all warm up to eachother. vic and belch included, they thinknits weird at first but theyre honestly easier for the losers to warm up to than henry is -henry and richie still despise eqch other until theyre having a debate about celery thats oddly civil and then theyre cool w/ eachother - bev??? calling her bf out on his fragile masculinity??? u bet. its a regular thibg abd usually is jsut responded to with flustered silence - part of the reason they break up is bc they barely even act like a couple, more like bffs. one of them is gay but they dont know who. - the end of their relationship, bc these two just wouldnt last, would be bo burnhams "eat a dick" because its fitting okay - after they broke up, theyd be jeering exes. mostly bev lovingly bullying him and "warning" potential love interests about kinks he has (that shes the reason for in the first place... smfh) - them as exes also includes them still having each others backs tho. and comfort in each others prescences when theyre upset. of course their hang out time diminishes grewtly, but in time of need theyre always there for each other.

-also he never stops calling her marsh. their entire relationship he calls her marsh abd she thinks its so funny bc hes a mess, she never told him though and never will.