#(mentally preoccupied because he isnt actually really helping much physically LOL)

[bbeelzemon]

on the one hand im glad ny dad hasnt Talked To Me Yet about me moving out, because, ugh, but on the other hand, the longer he Doesnt talk to me about it, the more i dread how that conversation is going to end up going. like, lets just get this over with already okayyy

#i dont care in the end what he thinks because i can resort to leaving during the day while hes at work or something #but its also like... #is he gonna interrogate me on why of all places i picked washington? #like no matter what angle i go for it doesnt Look Good for me LOL #my girlfriend lives there.. because its not as conservative.. because its easier to be gay or trans or gnc there #like uhhh all of those are going to be Wrong Answers for him i think LOL #but ugh... like theres no way the conversation would turn out Swell And Fine but also its just like. lets get this over with #so i can at least have closure on which kind of awful its gonna be LOL #i am under the impression though that hes kinda just. ignoring it and hoping it goes away #he hasnt said a WORD since mom told him i think exactly a week ago #the extent of his reaction so far as i heard through mom is: #'but its so far away and theyve never been on their own' 'im worried [rosie] was Afraid to tell me directly' (that one is true LOL) #and besides that? a mopey silence that he gets when hes deep in thought while upset lmfao. which is surprisingly often -_-' #but then yeah he came home and just... never spoke of it #part of me definitely wonders if hes like. in denial or even totally forgotten by now. or even If I Dont Talk About It Then It Wont Happen #but yeah... im just like... either say something or dont bro #i mean logically hes probably too mentally preoccupied with my grandmother to Think About It #(mentally preoccupied because he isnt actually really helping much physically LOL) #but uh yeah how long is it gonna be. when she dies? after the funeral? a month later? #theres only 3 and a half months until august so i mean. he doesnt have a Ton of time to bring up his grievances #especially if we have the chance to move Before august hehe... #i also wonder how my brother is gonna take it. im not worried about him in the way i am with my dad #but hes probably going to be embarrassed that im moving out cross-country while hes 5 years older than me w no savings. last one at home et #its not Really my problem but i Do feel bad for him LOL. like i dont even know how to broach the subject #but whatever thats like the part of these next 3 or so months that im worried about the least. hes fine #i want my dad to hurry up and talk it out tho. so i can stop wondering every time he starts talking to me 'oh is he bringing it up Now?' et #like if ur gonna make it Weird then just fuckin make it weird already... #my move is happening regardless of whatever he says or thinks. but id like to know for MY sake #if im gonna have to like. Just Leave. or if he can help me get my license b4 i leave #or if he'll be nice enough to net that i can at least let my mom meet them for like. an afternoon. i dunno