#(probably not actually an addict)

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!! #because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that! #it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs! #so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't. #when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation. #and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job) #because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme* #and yes. walking out isn't always possible. #but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap. #stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole

[turtleblogatlast]

Something really just. Nice that I noticed with the bros is that each of them has shown off some pretty interesting skills.

Raph is the one who fixes April’s ceiling fan for her, Mikey takes on half the work when making the new puppy rescue for Todd, and Leo is outright able to reprogram Shelldon’s AI (he messed up, but the fact he was able to do this at all is like??? Raph and Mikey were there too did they know Leo could do that because they were not surprised-)

Of course, this is nothing compared to Donnie’s own immense talent and skill for inventing and science in general, but it shows that the others are not incapable of assisting in his field if need be.

What I like to think with all of this is that they listened to and likely helped with Donnie’s various ideas growing up. Sure they may not get the specifics, and complex science talk goes right over their heads, but in a pinch they’d be able to get Donnie the right tool or set a wire back in place. It’s not as necessary now that Donnie is much more independent when he makes things, but it’s cute to imagine there being a time where the others had to pitch in and learned some stuff because of it.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise donnie #rise raph #rise mikey #rise leo #rottmnt headcanons #idk I know we call these boys dumb a lot but they all have smart moments #okay fr this time I’m going back to avoiding tumblr for a bit haha it’s too addicting #rip my mental health #I’ll see you when I finish that comic #actually all of them have a lottt of skills under their belt #and they learn super fast #probably because of Draxum making them to be super engineered or smth #but it’s fun to witness #April too is super superrrr skilled #so is Splinter #honestly they all are awesome and losers at the same time I love

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

you guys ever notice how in his dialogue when he's in bertie's presence, jeeves uses quotations and references constantly, but in his THOUGHTS during "bertie changes his mind," he doesn't use any? this is obviously because he doesn't care if we the audience know he knows shakespeare, but he will languish and die if he doesn't get to dazzle bertie with his wit and knowledge every five seconds

#ok actually you know what #this post was supposed to just be a joke #but then i started thinking #the audience jeeves is presumably writing for in bertie changes his mind is new and aspiring valets #members of his own class #to whom he probably feels he has less to prove #but when he's talking to rich people who are liable to look down their noses at him #he needs them to know how smart he is #though he is ALSO a dramatic secret theater kid who's addicted to his crush's attention and admiration #that's very much part of it too #// #jeeves and wooster #jeeves books #bertie changes his mind #carry on jeeves #reginald jeeves #jooster

[fischiee]

someone tell me why every yorkalina fic explains away the lighter thing as york being a smoker and carolina tries to convince him to stop by taking/being given his lighter...

you're really going to tell me the girl thats hardened by war at 24, has the world's most damaging relationship with her father, and has an addictive obsessive personality ISN'T a smoker like come on...

#his whole 'if i started with a pickup line i never would have seen her again' makes perfect sense in this narrative ok #also carolina was probably hardened by war before that but w/e #i choose to believe in the timeline where she's like 23/24 by the time she joins pfl so #anyway the church's all have addictive personalities and carolina has NEVER been one to try and hold somebody accountable like that #especially since their whole relationship was YORK trying to stop carolina from doing self-damaging thing #this is no hate to anyone who writes yorkalina fanfics like this i adore your please keep doing your incredible work im in awe of you #also no need to actually tell me i understand the message of it.. the trust... the love.. #yorkalina #rvb #red vs blue #agent carolina #agent york #agent new york

[juliaaadoodles]

🔃

#cooler #Lieutenant #Detective #disco elysium #the uncalled-for swap au #that makes no actual sense given the context of the world #but maybe i like drawing a skrunkly feral kim #love the idea that harry is a single dad in this world and is doing his best to recover from a previously addiction-driven lifestyle #he wants to do good by his kid(s) #and kim has completely gone off the rails #can and will punch a civilian for being racist and i mean go absolutely nuts #he also CONSTANTLY smokes and does not wear corrective glasses in order to look that much #Harry probably figures it out at some point and they manage to find a pair of used cheaters someplace that he Jamrock Shuffles #also he calls Kim when hes angry with him and when he's not #cleaned up Harry reminds me of Paul Blart?? the mall cop??? and now i cannot unsee it #anyway #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #oh no these tags got weird because i forgot what quotations do #well #consider it a puzzle

[mhaynoot]

okay did i miss something but why is kdj described as being a shit cook in fanworks so often because the only times i remember him cooking was ground rat which was a decent meal and the herbal medicine he shoves into yjh's mouth but thats herbal medicine and it always fucking sucks ass

#orv #pls help #like was this just a fanon interpretation that took off #or was this real #also i kinda dislike the trope #where theyre inherently disastrous #cause it feels a little forced #like im a horrible shit cook #but the internet is a thing #and phone addict kdj could probably follow a recipe #kdj motivating himself to add herbs to his shitty conbini meal: yjh would be proud of you #kdj actually making rice for once: yjh would want you to add some soy sauce for “flavour”

[hellsite-hall-of-fame]

Hi! I'm the anon who originally asked you to tag your asks, and I just want to say you shouldn't have to apologize to those mean anons. This is your blog and you can post whatever you want. I'm really grateful that you were kind enough to tag your asks so that they can be filtered, but if those anon can't appreciate you going out of your way to do that, they should just unfollow you and find another way to see heritage posts. No one should be berated for using a feature their blog came with. Answer as many asks as you want and ignore those hateful anons. You're awesome for running this blog and you should be able to interact with your followers, especially if they want to interact with you.

this is such an articulately worded ask and I appreciate it, thank you😭

and like the prev anon wasn’t really mean, but I just normally am able to come up with a better and more eloquent or funny response to those kinds of asks but I just. don’t. have. the. energy rn lol

no but I appreciate what you said, especially coming from you! and yeah I did legitimately spend hours tagging and mass editing all of my posts to make a cohesive tagging system, so I thought I solved the problem lol but alas

#also i’ve never thought of answering asks as ‘using a feature your blog came with’ but that’s actually lovely perspective and I like that ty #but really y’all I have over 1.7k unanswered asks on this blog😭 #like that’s accumulated over 4 years but still!!! #and I want to answer them all and feel so bad that I don’t but I just. can’t. bc yeah #damned if i do damned if i don't #or more accurately and from a kaitlin butts song- damned if I do -bored if I don’t #anyways #ask #the hellsite answers #anonymous #hellsite hall of fame curator’s bullshit #the curators ask addiction #also it’s possible I don’t know what anon hate is #if someone said something actually mean to me i’d probably think it was a joke sooo idk

[ratwithhands]

I'm curious. I've seen your art and something that's come to my mind is what actually got you attached with the Subway brothers. Your narrative on their different AU forms is so unique which is what brought me to that question

Alright, rat history time.

So basically back in 2021-2022, I was working on an old OC storyline (about 3 years old by then) and I was in grade 9 so I was like “A new Pokémon game? Pfft, like I care” and just didn’t watch any of the stuff related to PLA when it dropped. I still got recommended Twitter posts about it on Instagram and I ended up seeing this one.

I tried looking up Ingo cause I was like "oh, funky design, looks like a captain or something" but I didn't end up finding anything so I didn't press further. Anyways in March break of 2022, I got bored and decided to put some game streams on in the background while I drew. I saw Alpharad's PLA video and decided to watch it for a bit when I saw Ingo.

I was like "Hey you're the guy from Twitter!" and since I knew his name now, I looked him up and found his Bulbapedia article. I found him much more interesting than the rest of the PLA cast since he had history outside PLA, and I ended up reading up whatever I could find on him. I also by extension discovered Emmet this way, which only served to suck me deeper down the rabbit hole. By the end of March break I had a fan OC and 2 AUs made with more on the way, as well as a YouTube recommended page with nothing but theory videos on Ingo and decade old Submas content.

Around May I decided to decommission my OC storyline for personal reasons, and by this point Submas was starting to occupy more of my creative work anyways. Since I didn't have my storyline to put my energy into, I started funnelling literally any story ideas into Submas. This led to nonstop content for a shockingly long time, and ofc I'm still coming up with stuff now.

Long story short, I got attached to them by accident! It was a "right place, right time" sort of thing since they came in as I was starting to get sluggish with my original content and I ended up being more interested in writing for them.

As for narratives, I am effectively playing dolls with these guys. Usually the kind of stuff that I write for them is meant for OCs, but I dumped the 60+ person cast so I put that energy into them instead.

Most AUs will either have a core theme, an out of pocket idea, or both to make things interesting. Usually I just come up with a dumbass idea like "what if we brought ReBURST back for a rerun" or "what if Emmet signed a contract with an eldritch space spider" or "what if Submas could see into the future" and stuff like that, then it picks up themes as I keep writing. For some silly examples:

Burst is based on Pokémon ReBURST and the idea of human-Pokémon fusion, but there's focus on skill, how characters misperceive it, and resentment as a result. There's also a spotlight on inferiority complexes, bottled up guilt, and blind confidence depending on which main character you look at

Journal is about a diary that helps Ingo to regain his memories, and it focuses on remembrance and regret as a result of him reading it. Spotlight on lacking awareness vs hyper awareness and the monotony of living as people around you leave

Oracle is exactly what it sounds like, with the twins being able to see into the future. It focuses on cooperation and the importance of working together, but also learning how to work alone. The spotlight's on jealousy and gratitude for this one, though the latter greatly outweighs the former in this case

I also just have AUs I made to try deranged shit for funsies, like Sapioflora, Cybernetic/Z-Λ, Team Supernova, and Idol. Those are mostly for exploring goofy ideas that may or may not go anywhere.

Right anyways basically I just saw Submas after watching PLA gameplay and found the twins more interesting to write about than the project I'd exhausted by then. The narratives are like that because the AU ideas I make are actually OC concepts that I modify to fit Pokémon specifically for these two or ideas about the two that I'd like to explore. Hope that answers the question ^^*

#submas #submas au #au #ingo #subway master ingo #ingo pokemon #nobori #emmet #subway master emmet #emmet pokemon #kudari #Fun fact: my old AUs were actually focused on Ingo if you could believe it #I know that must sound impossible because of how much I write on Emmet but it's true #Also‚ even though I never released it for the public fully‚ Stelleret is an AU that fits in the example list. It's about monsters‚ #deals with eldritch beings‚ but it focuses on appearances‚ love‚ self worth‚ and self sacrifice. It's also like 1/3 shitposts by volume #Now that I think about it I have a lot of unreleased content #It's probably going to stay that way #WAIT I JUST REALIZED I NEVER RELEASED BATTLE ADDICT #uhhhhh what if I did a doodle dump 😳👉👈 I unfortunately only have pictures of Emmet with the strait jacket #It also has. 3 variants. But they get the happy ending in one of them I promise!! #I think it's funny how basically the only AUs where I have Ingo and Emmet in an ideal relationship is the one where they can see the future #and the one where they are diagnosed with Hyper-Competitive Combat Mania as unfit for battle due to the damage they cause #“We get along because we rely on each other” vs “We help each other improve to destroy the opponent on every level” #Anyways hope this answered your question ^^ if not sorry for the ramble 👁👁💦

[thecommunalfoolboy]

FUCK MAN I NEED TO START DOING DRUGS

#drug ment tw #tw drugs #nah i don’t really care lmao #plus i couldn’t if I wanted all my meds don’t react well with shit #and my risk of addiction is astronomical #late diagnosed autistic #autistic #autistic community #possibly autistic #autism memes #actually autistic #autistic traits #autism <3 #autistic adult #autistic experiences #autistic pride #autism #probably autistic #self diagnosed autism #autism mood #tw addiction

[churchydragon]

He likes to scavenge for drugs during the night. He’ll eat a few plots of menticide straight out of the ground at 2 in the morning if you leave him.

hence why he's a raccoon of an ant that digs around in my farms at night. little freak of a man. love him.

#I need to do his quest properly but I wanna get an amulet of immortality first #and then he can be an old man in peace #tbh I think he'd still be kind of a freak even after being cured of shrooms. he's just kinda like that to me #I'd do weed with him. I think it'd be fun #not mushrooms tho I don't know enough about them. plus they probably smell and I don't really like the smell of weed. I like the soda more #nice and odorless. my gummies taste fine (they're raspberry) but they smell pretty bad #actually I think it'd be fun if he just does weed after he gets off the shrooms. much safer and less likely to take over his brain #hmm. domestic/modern au where he's a recovering addict from hard drugs but will still dabble in weed #actually I'm noticing a theme where I get attached to the weird outcast characters in media. clearly I have a type #also wow this has once again become #churchy tag rambles #churchy talks #asks #cult of the lamb #sozo cult of the lamb #sozo cotl #cult of the lamb sozo #cotl sozo #sozo #tw drug mention #cw drug mention

[claire-online]

#saw meera’s and roma’s and now here is mine #will i actually use instagram less? probably not #but it is still out #and lame of me to be addicted to

[a3outfitstournament]

just curious poll no. 3

#not tournament related #a3! act addict actors #a3! #a3! polls #for me it depends on which one i like more LMAO #so like for autumn's debut play i prefer JP's how wonderfully picaresque over EN's roman episode #bc i feel like that captures the play's setting and premise better #but for kumon's debut play i prefer EN's love out of left field over JP's first crush baseball #firstly bc of the play on words with 'left field' meaning smth unexpected & it being a baseball term & the play being ABOUT baseball #and secondly bc of the alliteration with the L and F sounds #im like 60% sure the actual JP name in japanese is probably some kind of pun too?? “hatsukoi koshien” but idk what it is 🤔

[kyuubi-no-oneechan]

WHO. IN WHAT world. would get this far into this route and then say they don't want to date their sister?!?! WHY is this a choice

#nurse love addiction #nurse love addiction spoilers #there could like. #a million other things for her to say #like maybe demanding answers #for the memory erasure either aided by or actually instigated by little sis #or the probably criminals that phone little sis #or the numerous lies #or the mysterious medicines #or how much she knows about the magical powers #or how she managed to get us adopted even though we were supposed to have died in a laboratory fire #but sure the fact that our stepsister is our sister #that is clearly the problem when she asks us out on a date instead of answering memory loss questions #totally

[devilsskettle]

things are so dire rn i’m considering getting a vape. a vape

#the least sexy type of smoking….. smh #i literally don’t know what else to do except start drinking again or kms #actually the real answer is probably to start exercising again. but my schedule…… #i really just need a way to get through the work day without quitting crying or killing someone #vape seems worth a try it’s such a pain in the ass to work cigarette breaks into my day but we love nicotine. yay nicotine addiction

[stellabyystarlight]

Posting some misumi nui pics i took around a month ago to make up for not posting that much art 👍

#misumi ikaruga #nui plush #plush #plushies #a3! #a3! game #a3! act addict actors #cequi_nuis #i am working on an animatic rn actually so ill probably post art at the start of december? idk #we're giving some minor exams on school these days so i dont have that much free time 💔

[aurora-313]

Random bleach thought of the day:

Reframe Ichigo's desire for power as an addiction to power (which it is) and BLEACH becomes an even more horrifically tragic tale.

Think about it. Ichigo's whole attitude is he wants power to protect his friends? That he lusts after it? And how much of Ichigo's misery revolves around being powerless. Now replace that lust for power with a lust for a narcotic substance. Doesn't that rather sound an awful lot like an addict itching for their next fix and being angry/irritable that he's denied it?

Ichigo suffers from an addiction he can't break, or more accurately isn't allowed to break, thanks to the adults in his life actively encouraging it as a means to keep him under control. And even the world itself refuses to let him break it. This highly self-destructive drive that's gotten him killed and had his soul sundered, in a reality where the aspiration of power is rewarded with crushing isolation and ultimately eternal damnation.

Not exactly inspiring at all, is it?

Instead of that, wouldn't a healthier message/theme be a journey that prevents Ichigo from falling into the cycle of addiction once more? One where he mentally evolves to a place where he doesn't require it, despite or in defiance of the world's best efforts? To the point of being content with sacrificing the powers that, for as much pride as it's given him, he recognises its been the ultimate source of misery and self-loathing in his life?

Perhaps a similar arc conclusion to Edward Elric from Full Metal Alchemist. After gaining such arrogance and conviction the world's problems could be solved by alchemy, he ultimately recognising his own hubris and sacrifices his ability to perform alchemy in an act of humility, which earns him his brother back.

And if Ichigo followed a similar path and ultimately sacrificed his own powers for good after coming to that deep internal understanding, then he's free. Freed from a world that pushes the addiction of power onto him; free from Ichibei's plans to sacrifice him to a corpse god's throne; free from the Gotei 13 who use him as a pawn; free from Kisuke's schemes and Isshin's bullshit.

A world where Ichigo gave up his power and embraces it as his healthiest life, is a world where Ichigo is completely free.

#addiction #bleach #ichigo kurosaki #brainwave #brain dump #probably doesn't make sense #but yeah Ichigo is an addict and the adults around him keep feeding it unhealthily #Only a few actually bother to regret it