#(then the romantic in me will come out of nowhere or something and ill be screwed)

[heexseung]

꒰ 🌧 ꒱ ┄ ❛ dark academia ；caeruleum ❜

* pairing: vampire!heeseung x afab!reader

* tags: smut, fluff, romantic, human!reader, degradation (m. receiving), praise (m. receiving), mentions of free use, handjob (m. receiving), overstimulation (m. receiving), bratty!heeseung / switchy!heeseung if you squint, cunnilingus, body worship [kinda] (f. receiving)

* summary: because you two were loud last time, rumours have been spreading around about you two, causing you to receive a lot of unwanted attention from your peers.

* word count: 10k

* a/n: hello babes !! omg i almost forgor about this- but i DIDNT SAUR ENJOY THIS REPOST <3333 tysm for all ur support i wish u the loveliest days ahead c: and if you wish to come drop by my twitch streams, you can dm me and ill gib u my link ehheeheheheh ok thanks baiii

Even on weekends, you'd typically spend all of your free time cooped up in your tiny dorm, studying. Your timetable consists of waking up, getting ready, going to classes, studying and sleeping. You don't really do anything else and you don't really go outside much either.

It's not that you're in love with learning, although you do like learning — it's just that you don't really have anything else to do. Nothing interests you and oftentimes, you'd get so bored that you just end up thinking, well, the books are right there. Might as well do some studying. At least it'll give me something to do.

You thought about going outside and seeing the world; the world that is so unknown to you and many other humans out there, the world that any human would be extremely lucky to see… yet you can't bring yourself to step outside of your dorm unless it's for classes. You wish you had more courage to do so but after your first day here, you decided that it's best to lay low and not bring any attention to yourself. After all, your existence here is already controversial enough.

Thus, you live your life like this. It's boring and repetitive… but it's not like you're doing anything to actually change it. Plus, being here is something that you've always wanted to do ever since you were a kid, so it's not all bad and despite the less than ideal treatment you've got during your time here, there's still nowhere else you'd rather be at.

Besides, the isolation, gossip and rumours don't bother you much anyway. It'll never be as bad as the first week and you're thankful that everyone here usually lets you be — that is, usually.

Lately, you've come to notice that people are gossiping about you again but you're not sure why. You can't really hear what they're saying nor can you really ask someone about it… but you doubt it's because you're human, they've already gossiped about that on your first week here.

Maybe it has something to do with your lab partner, Heeseung. After all, the gossip did start right after the day you hooked up with him. But you doubt it.

Speaking of your lab partner, you wonder where he's been all this time. It's been a couple of days since you last saw him, he didn't even come to class two days ago. You hope he's okay.

You don't think you'll see him today either. After all, you both only share one class together, Intermediate Alchemy, and you don't have that class today. Even so, for some reason, there's a part of you that hopes to see him today anyway, maybe because he's the only person who's actually kind to you here. Everyone else would just ignore you.

As you walk down the hallway to go back to your dorm, the faint sound of an unfamiliar melody stops you in your tracks. You do a double-take, is what you're hearing what you think you're hearing?

It is.

It's the piano.

Someone's playing the piano, and beautifully so. Such beautiful and delicate melodies played with such grace, you can't help but think to yourself, a complex piece like this must take days to learn how to play. Who's playing it? And what piece is this?

Thus, you follow the faint sound of the grand piano, hoping to find the talented person playing it. Besides, you're in no rush anyway.

After a few seconds of walking, you find yourself standing in front of a closed classroom door. The sound of the piano is still a bit hard to hear properly but you don't want to open the door and disturb the person playing so you press your ear against the door, trying to listen to the piano piece as discretely as you can.

Thank God the hallway is empty or else there'd be more weird rumours about me, you can't help but think to yourself while silently chuckling.

But all too quickly, like less than a minute or so, the melodies stop playing. You wait for a few seconds to see if they'd continue but instead, you hear the faint sound of footsteps coming closer to you. You barely have enough time to detach yourself from the door and look unsuspicious before the door suddenly opens and an annoyed looking Heeseung peeks out.

However, his expression quickly changes to a surprised one as he sees you standing there like a deer caught in headlights. Now with his eyes wide and his eyebrows raised, he opens the door a bit more as he looks at you. A moment of silence passes by until you awkwardly clear your throat to break the silence.

"Um, hi," you say to him, hoping that he's not annoyed at you for listening in on him.

"Ah… hi…" he shyly says. His left hand scratches the back of his head as his eyes move away from you, but only for a moment. "Sorry, I, uh… I thought you were... one of those people."

His tone is sharp and annoyed and he rolls his eyes as he says the last two words but then he looks at you again and gives you a smile that reaches his eyes.

You reply, "No, no. I'm sorry I… kinda listened in on you."

"Kinda?" He asks with a teasing tone, his smirk is evident.

You laugh in response. It's short but the lightheartedness of the laugh still manages to dissipate the awkwardness between you two. Heeseung leans against the door frame with a smile and softly says, "It's okay."

And then he pauses. It feels as if some words are meant to be spoken here, right at this moment, but there's only silence as he stares at you. A couple of seconds later, he continues, "Um… do you wanna come in?"

Hell yeah. You've never seen this room and you're curious.

It seems that your facial expressions tell him your answer loud and clear. He gives you a bigger smile, the kind of smile that one can't stop from appearing even if they tried, and takes your hand in his to pull you into the room with him. His hand feels slightly warmer than yours and something that surprises you is the fact that his hand feels like it fits you more than your own. It makes you feel strange... knowing that even your own hands, hands that were created to fit perfectly into each other…

All your life, you've always thought that there's no way someone else's hands would ever fit into yours as perfectly as yours do but as his hand holds yours, guiding you to take a seat in front of the grand piano, you think to yourself, maybe I was wrong.

Brushing your weird thoughts away, you pull your hand away from his and look around the room. It's a bit dark in here because the curtains are closed but you can still make out what's inside the medium shaped room; some bookcases at the wall, a whiteboard at the front, some musical instruments at the left side and this grand piano at the right. Other than that, it's pretty empty which makes it appear more spacious than it actually is.

After putting your sling bag down on the floor beside you, Heeseung, now sitting next to you, starts playing a different tune than before and you watch as his pretty hands gracefully move from one key to another, you listen to the unfamiliar yet beautiful piece of composition.

Soon, the music grows in pace and intensity, you can feel the composer's passion as it goes on. Then it slows down to a soft and romantic pace, somehow reminding you of the beauty of nature despite being in a dark room with none, and then a moment later, it grows again until it eventually comes to a really slow and soft tune that reminds you of the gentleness of a mother bird singing to its nestlings. As you listen to him play, you feel like you're being kept at the edge of your seat, following the music as if you're a leaf in a stream of water. It's exhilarating, really. You didn't know music could do such a thing.

By the time he finishes playing, you're in awe of his talent in playing the piano, fully knowing that playing such beautiful composition takes a lot of time and effort. Before you could compliment him, he's already speaking, "Do you like it? It's called Dreams of Love by Franz Liszt."

"Yeah," you say, a bit breathlessly, just now realising that you've been holding your breath. "Wow, you're so talented."

His laugh is soft in your ears. "Thank you."

Turning to him, you look him in the eyes and say, "I didn't know you could play piano so beautifully."

Your words make him blush a bit; a soft shade of pink dusts his ears and cheeks — it reminds you a bit of the intimate moment you shared with him a couple of days before. As he murmurs a shy thank you, it becomes a bit awkward between you two again. Heeseung starts fiddling with his fingers and he opens his mouth as if to speak but he closes it back after a second or two.

Eventually, he does speak but his voice is devoid of all lightheartedness from before and his face shows a sorrowful expression. "Look," he sighs and turns to look at you. "I should apologise for the… uh… well, the last time, um, you know." He then gives a frustrated groan, burying his face in his hands at his failed attempt to communicate his thoughts to you. "I'm sorry, I- We… we shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry."

You can only stare at him in disbelief. "What?" You say, your tone sounding a bit too harsh for both of your likings.

Truthfully, his words hurt you, more much than you'd like to admit. In a way, you kind of gave him a part of you, you showed him your vulnerability and you let him touch you in ways you'd never let strangers or even regular friends do... and now he tells you he regrets it. It hurts and you feel a bit embarrassed. You enjoyed your time with him but unfortunately, you guess he doesn't feel the same.

Suddenly, Heeseung realises that what he just said is probably the worst thing he could ever say to you. He quickly tries to take it back, "Wait- nonono, I meant-"

But you're already standing up to leave, not really wanting to hear whatever else he has to say. As you move, he gets up with you, his tone starting to sound desperate as he calls out to you. "No wait, please, please don't leave. I don't think you understand me."

And to think that I thought we could actually be friends.

You might sound a bit dramatic but you can't help what you feel. Now your relationship with him feels weird and awkward. You just want to quickly leave.

Right as you're in front of the door, he grabs your arm as a last attempt to stop you. Calling your name again, he pleads with you, "Please listen to me, it's not what you think. I-"

With wide eyes, his breath hitches as he stops himself from continuing, a bit mortified at what he almost blurt out. You only give him a confused look with an eyebrow raised. After a moment of just staring at each other in silence, he finally breathes out a worried sigh and surprisingly rests his head on your shoulder while intertwining his hand with yours. But what's more surprising is the fact that you don't have the heart to push him away.

What a weird person, you think. First he tells me he regrets having sex with me and now he does this.

"I'm sorry. I'm a mess when I'm with you," he murmurs, his face heating up at the confession.

As much as your heart beats faster at his words, you can't help but ask yourself, why? You're just a human. Heeseung can't possibly like you, could he? He has many other suitors that would be more than elated to be with him. Maybe he means that you just make him nervous — you wouldn't be surprised if you do since you make many people here nervous by just breathing.

Just as you're about to say something, you hear footsteps coming near you both, along with the sound of people talking... surprisingly about you. Although you're not new to people gossiping and spreading rumours about you, it does pique your curiosity; you've always wondered what people say about you behind your back.

On the first week, you heard people saying that you came from a rich family that had relations with the university's administrative staff or that a supernatural family adopted you or that you're not really human. Those were only the light rumours. Sometimes, when walking to class, you'd hear people say that you're working undercover for the human government, that you're only here to destroy the supernatural space and that everyone should be wary of you.

It makes you a bit sad, to be honest, because those words couldn't be further from the truth. However, you don't particularly blame them; humans haven't exactly been nice to the supernaturals, so you try to not take offence.

This time, however, the rumours are something else and it seems to involve not just you but someone else too.

"There's no way that happened," someone irritatedly says. If you could see them right now, there's no doubt in your mind that they'd be rolling their eyes.

"I'm just saying what everyone else is saying," another person says, their tone more nonchalant than the other’s.

"God, I swear, rumours are so dumb, like Heeseung and Y/N fucking in the dorms, really?" Your eyes go wide at the revelation, is that what everyone's talking about? But how did they know? And why is it a huge deal if I get laid? It doesn't make sense to you.

The same person continues, their voice growing louder as they walk closer to where you're standing, "This sounds as ridiculous as the time when everyone was saying that Jake fucked 100 people."

"Ah, but this one could actually be true," the other person thoughtfully says.

"What? Don't tell me you actually believe-"

"There are people who said they heard them," they say as a matter-of-factly, their voice now growing fainter as they pass by you but you can still hear the change of tone in their voice, now sounding more intrigued, "They say she edged him a couple of times and he wouldn't stop begging her to fuck him." Chuckling, they continue, "Must be a fun time."

Heeseung buries his head deeper into your shoulder as they say that, his hair tickles your neck a bit but you don't mind. Plus, you're more focused on their conversation, so much that you almost don't feel his hand tightening his hold on yours.

At the same time, you hear the former laugh and say, "You're so fucking weird."

Their conversation doesn't stop there but that's all you're able to hear, they're too far for you now. However, you're pretty sure Heeseung can still hear them — after all, his hearing is better than yours could ever be. But now that you know what everyone's talking about, you understand why he said what he said. He's surely not fond of the gossip about you two. You feel a bit sorry about it and despite knowing that it's not really your fault that people gossip about you, it doesn't really make you feel better.

A while later, Heeseung finally speaks again but he still doesn't move away from you and his voice sounds grim, a contrast to his usual demeanour, at least from what you've seen. "Sorry. It's my fault. I should've been more careful."

You try to look at him, a bit confused at what he's saying but he's hiding his face from you so you instead simply ask him, "Huh?"

He takes a deep breath as if trying to gather his confidence. Then, he pulls away from you and you're now able to see his face clearly. Ah, so that's why he was hiding.

With an obvious blushing face, he says, "It's not that I regret it, of course not, it's just that I think we should've done it elsewhere because obviously, people could hear and it was so stupid of me for not thinking about that." He gives out a frustrated sigh and continues, his voice soft and sad, "I guess I got carried away... I'm sorry."

Another moment of awkward silence as you try to make sense of what's going on. When you finally do, you can't help but question him, your voice almost as soft as his, "Why are you apologising?"

Giving you a surprised look, he pauses for a moment as he contemplates his answer. "D-doesn't the gossip bother you?"

He looks so sad that you just can't help but tenderly hold his face, making him look at you as you reassure him, "Heeseung, people always talk about me. It's nothing new. If anything, I should apologise since you got dragged into it."

Quickly objecting, he blurts out, "No, it's my fault! If I would've been more careful- if I haven't been thinking with my dick instead of my brain, this wouldn't have happened and you wouldn't have hated me and everything would've been fine and-"

You've never seen him look so distraught before. Seeing him being so uncharacteristically talkative worries you because despite knowing little of him, you do know one thing; he's not the type to word vomit, he always thinks things through before he speaks his mind and when he speaks, his words are fully thought-out. He may stutter here and there but they'd still seem thought-out and planned. Now, seeing him not able to do so and just desperately speaking, trying to convince you that he's at fault... it just doesn't sit right with you. How long had this issue been on his mind? And to what extent does he blame himself?

"Heeseung, calm down."

But he doesn't. He seems to be fully inside his mind, blurting out words as much as he can as if he's blurting out days' worth of worries. You're not sure what to do to calm him down but in a state of panic and with your hands already on his face, you pull him close and kiss him, hoping that the shock would be enough to stop him from overthinking.

Fortunately, it works. He gives a soft muffled sound as your lips touch his and then everything gets quiet. Still, he doesn't kiss you back, most likely too shocked at your actions. The kiss itself isn't long, you don't let it nor need it to be — you pull back a few seconds later. Looking into his almost teary eyes, you apologise for the sudden kiss, "Sorry, I didn't know-"

You're pretty sure he wasn't listening to you because now the tables have turned; now, he's kissing you and the kiss he gives you is way different than your attempt to get him to calm down — it's intense, messy, desperate and so intoxicating that you almost forgot to kiss him back.

When you do kiss him back, his actions only become more desperate. His hands constantly move; first from his sides to your shoulder, then to hold your face, then to your arm as he pushes you against the door, then to your waist, almost as if he's trying to make sure that you're really here. His lips never stop moving to press open-mouthed kisses to yours and as he does so, a small part of you can't help but feel like he's offering every part of him to you through the kiss, stealing your breath away in the process.

Eventually, you both pull away, needing to breathe. For a while, you both stare into each other's eyes. Heeseung rests his forehead against yours, his lips a bit swollen as he pants and his breath feels hot against your lips.

After a moment of intense silence, he speaks, his voice sounding a bit hoarse and it's as if he's talking to himself rather than to you. "You don't hate me."

You reply, "Of course not. How could I?" Gently caressing his cheek with your thumb, you whisper, "You're the only person here who's been kind to me."

Something in his eyes changes — you're unable to pinpoint exactly what it is but you don't ask either. He gulps, still breathing heavily, still looking into your eyes and then asks you with a soft wavering voice, "Why did you kiss me?"

It isn't his question that catches you by surprise but the look in his eyes that make him seem like he's expecting or hoping for a certain answer. If you were to look away, you could answer him honestly; "it was to help calm you down" but you can't look away, not when he's staring at you so intensely, not when he looks like he's begging you to say something specific as he waits for your answer. Your breath hitches as you think, unsure of what to say to him.

But it seems that you were silent for way too long. Breaking eye contact with you to look at the ground, Heeseung takes a step back and his hand rubs the back of his neck for a short moment.

"Did you only kiss me to shut me up?" He chuckles after he says that but the slight bitterness in his voice is evident.

"I'm sorry, I panicked. I was trying to calm you down," you eventually say.

He simply stares at you as if you just said the most absurd thing ever; eyes wide, eyebrows raised, mouth slightly open. After realising that you're actually serious, he grabs your hand and slowly brings it to rest on his chest, giving you the chance to pull your hand away at any moment if you wish. "Can you feel it?" He softly asks.

You know what he's talking about — his heartbeat right underneath your fingertips... but you can't feel it nor hear it. Thus, you replace your hand with your ear, resting your head on his chest as you try to at least hear his heartbeat.

Thump thump, thump thump, thump thump.

It's faint but you can hear it... and it's beating quite fast for a vampire. You've heard that vampires have a slower heart rate than everyone else's and right now, you'd say his heart is beating pretty fast, just slightly above an average human's. You can feel his breathing too, it's a bit laboured.

When you pull away to look back up at him, you're greeted by a blushing Heeseung who asks you with a small smile, "Get it?"

Is he trying to say that you make him nervous?

Shaking your head no at him, you're still a bit confused as to what he's trying to convey. At your response, he sighs, runs his hand through his hair and then whispers to you, "How am I supposed to calm down when you're kissing me?"

That's when the realisation hits you. "Oh..." you whisper, now getting it.

"Yeah..." he whispers back then lightly chuckles. Placing his hand on the door behind you a moment later, he leans into you and continues in a low voice, "You wanna know how you can calm me down?"

That low voice makes you feel weird things, you just can't resist entertaining him when he speaks like that. "What?" You ask, your voice also low.

"You can hug me." Raising an eyebrow at him, you hum for him to continue, a bit surprised at the answer. "I like hugs," he continues with a boyish smile.

"You want a hug?"

With the same smile, he softly says, "Yeah."

"If you say please, I'll give you one."

He wastes no time. "Please," he says with a bright smile and hopeful eyes.

How could you say no to him when he looks so cute? So you hug him, wrapping your arms around his torso and resting your head on his shoulder. He immediately hugs you back, his grip on you a bit tight but you don't mind, not when he feels so warm and comforting.

After a long moment of just hugging each other, you can't help but playfully ask, "Are you calm now?"

"I don't know," he starts. "Maybe you can check my pulse to find out?"

You can practically hear the smirk in his voice as he says that. You're not sure what he's hoping to get out of it — maybe he just wants your hands on his neck... or maybe he just likes to tease you. Whatever it is, you can't help but roll your eyes.

Suddenly, a fun idea pops up inside your head and you nonchalantly reply, "Okay."

Grabbing his face with both of your hands, you pull his head back to look at his neck. As your hands move to make him look up, your eyes take in every millimetre of his neck, specifically the spaces underneath his jawline, trying to find a pulse. Fortunately, it doesn't take you a long time.

"W-wait wait wait wait-" He gasps as your tongue probes at his pulse, his hands now moving to grip your shoulders. You only did it to tease him — you like it when he's flustered, but surprisingly, you can actually feel his pulse underneath your tongue. Intrigued, you pause your actions to count his heart rate, as weird and funny as that sounds.

You're not really surprised when you feel it beating rapidly. After a few seconds, he gives out a shaky exhale and says, "Is this a normal thing humans do?"

You chuckle at his words and then quickly bite down on the spot. He gives out a choked moan in response and further tightens his grip on your shoulder. "Aw, is baby flustered?" You tease him, unable to help yourself.

He can only whine your name as your tongue starts swirling around the same spot.

"You're so responsive... I love it," you whisper to him, your voice making him shiver. "And to think, I'm only playing with your neck. Is it that sensitive?"

As you start sucking on the small bit of skin in between your teeth, his jaw moves in an attempt to answer you but you don't hear his voice at all — he doesn't speak, not even when you're done giving him a hickey, not even when you're done giving him three. Pulling back, you take a moment to admire the small bruises on his neck but as time goes by and nothing changes, you begin to realise something.

"Why aren't they disappearing?" You comment, a bit alarmed.

However, Heeseung doesn't seem that concerned. He shrugs it off and replies with half-lidded eyes, "Ah, it's fine, it'll go away eventually."

"Is that normal?" You ask, still a bit hesitant.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry."

Deciding to take his word for it, you continue leaving hickeys on his neck. He hums in approval, his breathing hot and heavy and you eventually lose count of how many you actually gave him. When you pull back to look at his neck again, it's already half-covered with small bruises; all of them still bright red.

Just the sight of it makes something inside you snap and you can't help but ask him, "You don't mind me touching you right, Hee baby?"

With his head a bit dizzy, Heeseung struggles a bit to speak, "N-no, you can... you can touch me all you want."

"I can touch you anywhere?" You smirk, already knowing what you're going to do to him.

"Anywhere you want," he softly replies.

At his words, your hands waste no time moving to his torso, touching every part of it from his shoulders, then to his collarbones, then to his chest. His breath hitches when your hands move across his nipples but you don't stop to play with them — you continue moving your hands down to his abdomen. As you do so, you ask him, "I can touch you here?"

"Mhmm." His eyes automatically close as he says that, wanting to focus on your hands touching his body.

Seeing him relaxed and full of anticipation at the same time only spurs you on and so, you move one of your hands to squeeze his ass. He gasps and jumps in response, not expecting that to happen.

"What about here?" Your teasing tone only seems to make him melt.

"Y-yeah," he breathlessly says as he rests his head on your shoulder, his hands now gripping your waist.

Further teasing him, you slowly move your hand from his ass to grip his dick through his pants. "Even here?" You ask him with a raised eyebrow.

He can't stop himself from moaning and pushing back into your hand at the contact. But before he could reply, you're already talking while feeling him up, "Wow, you're already kinda hard. Does this turn you on, hm? Being groped like a whore?"

Giving out another moan, he starts grinding into your hand as if to show you how turned on he is. He doesn't say anything but you can practically guess what he's thinking right inside his head; feel it, feel how hard you make me. You push your hand against his dick harder and he hisses in response. "You like that? Being my whore? Letting me play with your dick however I want, whenever I want?"

"Yes," he moans. "Just use me."

"Now, now. Where are your manners?" You ask as your other hand starts playing with his left nipple through his shirt.

At first, he stays quiet for a while, not wanting to answer you but as your fingers pinch his nipple, he jumps and squeaks out, "Please!"

"Please what?" You can feel his dick getting harder through his pants and just to tease him further, you play with his tip, pressing and swirling your thumb against it over and over again.

With a groan, he relents surprisingly quickly, "Please use me how-however you want. I really need your hands on me, please."

"I'm already touching you though?"

"No..." He trails off with a hiss. "Can I please take off my pants?"

As you feign thinking, he hurriedly continues, "Please, I need to feel your hands on my dick, please? I'll do whatever you want, I'm your whore. Just please touch me, it feels really good. I need it so much. Please."

"Needy today, huh?" It's a bit surprising, honestly, you were expecting him to give more of a fight based on the last time you hooked up, but nevertheless, he's still cute. Plus, it makes your job easier.

In response, he just hums, simply agreeing with whatever you're saying without a second thought. Satisfied with his pleas and answers, you tell him that he can take his pants off and he quickly does so, his movements hurried and sloppy, desperate to get it off as quick as he can. Once his pants are discarded on the floor like a metre away, you pull him into you by gripping his hips and then you pin him to the door right behind you.

Immediately, he leans against it and his hands go to grip your waist again but you quickly grab his wrists and pin them right beside his head. Leaning closer to his ear, you sternly tell him, "Keep your hands there, got it?"

He gulps and nods at your authoritative tone. You then take a good look at his dick since you didn't really get to last time — you notice that it's lanky, average girth, with a slight curve to the left and circumcised. It's also hard but that's already obvious. In a way, it suits him and you think it's pretty, just like him.

When you look back up at him, you can't help but smile at the shy expression he gives you. Whispering into his ear, you say, "You have such a pretty dick... but do you know how to use it?"

Biting his lip, he slowly shakes his head no. As your right hand go to unbutton his shirt, you continue, unable to mask the excitement in your voice, "Well that doesn't matter. I can always teach you how." You let your fingers brush along his shaft, your touch barely there as you continue, "And when you do learn, I might let you fuck me one day." The response he gives you is cute; he quickly nods his head and pleads with you. "Would you like that?"

"Yes," he gasps, trying his best to not buck his hips. "Please."

"Alright, baby." Finally deciding to give him what he wants and put him out of his misery, you spit on your hand and start stroking his dick. Your spit makes your hand move easily and after a few moments of stroking, he gives out a loud moan, throwing his head back when you suddenly squeeze his dick — hard.

"You want people to hear us again?" You teasingly comment.

He nods and replies, "Yes... wanna... let them know... how... good you make me... feel."

"How dirty." You can't stop your smile of fondness from appearing or the chuckle that comes right after.

"I'm... your whore... remember?" Despite being paired with gasps and moans, his remark still manages to come out playful.

"Go ahead then, baby." He whimpers as your hand starts stimulating his tip. "Let everyone know who's making you feel so good. Your voice is too pretty for you to be quiet anyway."

Your right hand finally finishes unbuttoning his shirt. Without wasting any second, you touch his bare skin, running your hand all over his torso. His body's response intrigues you; everywhere your fingers go, his skin beneath you twitches and you're just using your hands. Imagine using your mouth — luckily, you don't need to imagine since he's right there.

The sound of his moan is so loud this time that it almost echoes across the room if it weren't for the room having many carpets. And to think that all you did was lick his chest. Granted, you did pinch his nipple while tightly squeezing his balls as you do so but who cares? He's so fun to play with, you just want to keep him like this for hours... but unfortunately, you're pretty sure that class is about to start soon, which means many people walking through the hallways.

Thus, you pick up the pace, trying to get him to quickly reach his high. Your left hand quickly moves up and down his shaft, your right hand goes to fondle his balls and your mouth starts sucking on one of his nipples — you doubt he's going to last long since his body is so sensitive. And based on his constant moaning and twitching, you can tell that you're right.

As you continue, he suddenly speaks, "I... I can't get our first time out of my head. I-it's like- it's like you're... haunting me." He moans when you lightly bite down on his nipple, his hips accidentally bucking into your hand. "Every time I close my eyes... I remember it again... I see it vividly... and I... I want to do it again with you... Did you... put a love spell on me... or something?"

As he continues to talk, a small uneasy feeling makes itself known to you — the kind of feeling that makes you feel as if something is wrong. It makes you furrow your eyebrows in suspicion as to what it could possibly be... but as you look at the man in front of you, you quickly understand. Just one look at him and you can tell that he's not in his right state of mind and you're pretty sure that he's just blurting out whatever's coming to his mind at this time. You can't shake away the thought that whatever he's saying right now is too private. You don't believe you should hear this, at least, not right now.

Worrying that he might end up regretting whatever he's saying, you tell him, "Heeseung, I don't want to hear anything else come out of your mouth except those pretty sounds you make, okay?"

And just to be safe, you insert two of your fingers into his mouth. As your fingers press against his tongue, he hums in response, closing his mouth and then he starts sucking on them. His tongue swirls around your fingers as he looks at you with half-lidded eyes.

Your hand goes to abuse his tip, your thumb swirling the precum around and pressing down on it again and again while your other hand continues to keep his mouth busy. His body shakes at your actions and suddenly, he quickly pulls your hand away from his mouth to say something.

"I'm gonna cum, what if-"

"You can cum, Hee baby. Go on, cum for me. You can do that for me, right?" Your voice sounds so sweet that he just wants to do whatever you say.

"But it- it's gonna get messy..." he whines and trails off. Despite his worries, his hips start bucking uncontrollably into your hand, trying to catch his high anyway — he doesn't want to stop but a small part of his conscious brain still worries about how he'll clean up his mess.

"Don't worry, baby. We can clean it up," you reassure him. "Go on, be a good boy and cum for me. And keep your hands back up."

"Okay- I..." He puts his hands back up and sucks in a deep breath as he feels himself reaching his high. That conscious part of him from earlier disappears and now, he's almost chanting, "Thank you. Thank you thank you thank-"

The moment you start harshly sucking on his neck again, he's gone; with a loud and long moan, his hips thrust into your hand and streams of cum messily come out of him, getting all over your hand, onto your pants and even onto the floor. His body is shuddering and his eyes are rolled to the back of his head as your hand starts milking him for all he's got.

You coo at him, "Good boy, baby. Such a good boy for me."

"Please-" He squeaks, head thrown back against the door. You don't stop touching him though, not even when his streaks of cum stop coming out, not even when he starts uncontrollably trembling at every touch of your hand. One of your hands continues to quickly stroke his dick while the other fondles his balls, alternating from left and right. As you squeeze them, he gasps and whimpers your name.

"You're being such a good boy, baby... just taking whatever I give you." You start licking his chest, from his navel to his nipple. Heeseung shuts his eyes tight as his body continues to tremble against his will, his hands now in fists beside his head. As you play with his nipple, sucking on it and swirling your tongue around it, his back arches and he can't stop himself from thrusting in and out of your hand.

"You can cum for me one more time, right?"

He groans in response, nodding. "A-a... any... thiiing... f-for... y-you."

Letting go of his nipple to whisper in his ear, you say, "Right, you did say that you're my whore."

"Y-yes, yes, yes." He gasps.

So you continue touching and stimulating him until he cums again. Throughout it, he doesn't speak at all, only making pretty noises while his body trembles. It doesn't take long before he cums again. This time, it comes as a surprise — he didn't tell you that he's close. Perhaps he, himself didn't know that he was or maybe he wasn't paying attention, too busy being lost in his own bliss. Either way, based on his reaction, it seems that he's also surprised; he cums with a scream, his voice echoes throughout the room, his eyes tightly closed, and his hips stop moving but he's still trembling all over as another shot of his cum comes out of him.

So gorgeous.

You slow down your movements, not wanting to push him too much, until you eventually stop. Heeseung pants in front of you, looking helpless and blissed out.

"See, I knew you had it in you." As you slowly coax him back to reality, you slowly become aware of how uncomfortably wet your panties are. But you push that aside for now.

It takes him a moment to come back to reality and when he does, he still feels a bit dizzy. His hands go to grip your shoulder and waist for support and you hug him to soothe and comfort him, rubbing your hand on his back — the hand that's cleaner than the other. A moment later, he breathes out a soft thank you, feeling a bit spent.

"I'll... clean everything up," he breathlessly says while hugging you. You pat his head while his arms wrap themselves tightly around you.

"That's okay, baby. I have tissues in my bag. We'll clean it up together, yeah?"

He doesn't answer you and instead, asks for a kiss. Of course, you give it to him. How could you ever say no to this man? The kiss is unsurprisingly hot, heavy and messy, your tongues intertwine together just like your breaths. He moans into it and then pulls back to kiss your neck.

"Your turn?" He whispers into your neck, his breath hot against it. You close your eyes as he starts kissing and licking your neck, his tongue hot and wet swirling on a certain spot. You grab his shoulder as he continues, and then, a moment later, you feel his sharp fangs graze against your neck but before you could make sense of what's happening, he quickly pulls away, stopping himself.

"Sorry, can I-" He gives out a shaky breath. "I wanna... make you cum." He whispers out the last part. It was so soft that you almost didn’t hear it.

"You wanna make me cum?" You whisper back, your eyes still closed, now fully aware of the tension in between your legs.

"Yeah." His hands tenderly touch your body as he says that, going down from your shoulder to your breast and finally coming to rest on your waist.

"Sure."

He kisses you again but compared to your last few kisses, this one's short. Pulling away from you, he says, "We should- uh... change positions? Would it be easier for you?"

"Ah, yeah, okay." Despite your voice sounding nonchalant, your pussy throbs at the anticipation of finally getting the attention it craves. After you both change positions, with you now leaning against the wall and him in front of you, his hands go to unbutton your shirt and unhook your bra as he kisses you.

Gripping his hair, you pull him away from you — which earns you a moan. "Go fast, I think it's almost time for class."

"There's still tons of time," he reassures you. "Barely anyone has class in this building anyway. Don't worry."

Trying to reassure you, he gives you a smile and goes back to tenderly kissing your neck. It seems that there's a clash of wants — you just want to cum while he probably just wants to take his time with you. You're about to protest but his hands and mouth on your body make you change your mind, at least for now. With his hands kneading your breasts and his mouth slowly moving from your neck to your breasts, you give out a defeated sigh.

"Fine."

With a triumphant smile, he mumbles a thank you into your skin. His mouth is now sucking your left breast, his tongue swirling around your areola and the nub, making your pussy wetter by the second. The urge to touch your pussy grows as he continues his actions. One of his hands plays with your right breast while the other goes to unbutton your pants.

All of a sudden, he lightly bites down on your breast and you jump in response, unable to stop your moan from coming out. "Fuck, your mouth feels so good."

He moans too but his moan comes out muffled against your breast. After a while, your hand grips his hair and he hisses as you move his mouth to your other breast. "Keep going baby, you're doing so good. Such a good boy for me, aren't you?"

The praise only spurs him on, his movements now getting bolder. Wasting no time, he begins to kiss it and then lick it, until finally, he takes it into his mouth, harshly sucking on the mound. You hiss and arch your back in response. With your pants now on the ground, your legs start to feel cold but your core is still hot and wet, demanding attention.

Eventually, he finally moves on, leaving your breasts to kiss down to your navel. Every kiss he leaves you is tender yet hot against your skin, just like his hands on your body. Once he reaches your navel, he kneels down and as you let him put one of your legs over his shoulder, his face is now very close to your crotch. Even so, he still doesn't give your pussy any attention yet. Instead, he starts at your inner thighs, specifically the one on his shoulder, slowly licking up closer and closer to your heat as his hands continuously move up and down your thighs. He stops where your thigh meets your groin and starts taking a small bit of your skin into his mouth to suck and bite on it.

You let him leave a hickey there — it's not like you can't hide it anyway. After he's done, he pulls away to admire his mark on you with a small satisfied smile but just as you thought he'd finally start eating you out, he starts the same thing over again, except this time, on your other thigh. You groan, beginning to get frustrated.

He seems to find it amusing, given by the fact that you can feel him softly chuckling into your thigh as he kisses it. "Heeseung." Your stern yet breathless voice only makes him smirk.

"Hmm?"

"You're being a brat," you hiss at him.

Pulling away from your thigh, he looks up at you with a defiant smirk and coyly says, "I'm only taking my time."

But as he moves to continue his actions, your authoritative voice makes him pause and shiver. "Heeseung, I will literally slap you." You're in no mood to take things slow, you just want to cum. That's all you want — to finally release all this built-up tension in your pussy.

"Kinky," he mumbles with a pout. It's not because he doesn't like being slapped — it's actually something he's willing to try especially during sex as long as you like it, but he's just pouting because he didn't get to-

Giving a frustrated sigh, you say to him, "You can leave a hickey there after I cum, damn it."

His face lights up as you say that and his hand grips your thigh. "Promise?"

"Yes!" You hiss. "Now be a good boy and make me cum."

Wasting no time, he hums and nods at your command, moving his mouth to your clothed pussy. He buries his nose and mouth in your heat, you can't stop a moan from escaping at the contact. His mouth starts kissing you, over and over again as his nose bumps against your clit.

"Fuck," you mutter, your hands gripping his hair tighter as he starts licking a long strip. It's relieving honestly — your pussy finally getting the attention it so craves... but it's not enough. You want his mouth on you, without anything else in the way. Thus, you tell him to take it off and he hums, acknowledging your command... but after a while, your panties are still on and he hasn't made a move to remove it, he just keeps on slowly eating you out with a smirk. When you finally realise that he's doing this deliberately, you snap.

"Heeseung!" Your voice is louder than you expected. "Take them off, for fuck's sake." Then, as if your mouth is on auto-pilot, you continue, "Do you want me to fucking slap you, huh? Is that what you want? You want me to fucking snap, don't you? Want me to pin you down and fuck you till your brain doesn't work anymore?"

At your words, Heeseung feels a bit intimidated but he can't help but also feel turned on at the same time. He moans into you and as he pulls away to pull down your panties, you continue, "Finally starting to take me seriously, huh? You're such a fucking brat, I swear to God, Heeseung. You just want to get punished, don't you?"

"God, you're so wet," he moans into you when he finally buries his face into your pussy again, without your panties this time.

Finally feeling his mouth on your heat, you moan in relief, pushing his head closer to your pussy while leaning against the door. His tongue starts licking up all your juices while his nose continuously bumps against your clit. Then, he starts sucking it, causing you to arch your back. "Fuck. That's right baby, keep going," you say, your tone now way calmer than before.

He hums into you as he continues to eat you out just the way you like, swirling and pressing his tongue against your pussy, sucking it, slurping up all of your juices. Your free hand now goes to play with your breast, massaging it while stimulating your nipple at the same time. His cums smears on your breasts as you do so but you couldn't care less about being clean right now.

When he inserts his tongue into your core, you loudly moan, your hand squeezing your breast tightly. And as he continues, sliding his tongue in and out of you, your pussy starts tightening around it and you gasp, "Fuck, I'm getting close. Don't you dare stop, you little brat, you hear me? I know you're thinking about it."

Gripping his hair tightly, you grind his face into your pussy, using him like a toy as you keep up a steady rhythm. He doesn't mind, of course he doesn't. He did say that you can use him however you want. And to help you reach your high, his hand moves to stimulate your clit, rubbing it in circles.

Here it comes, the release you've been seeking; there's that familiar knot in your stomach and with the help of his mouth and hand, you finally reach your climax with a moan, cumming all over his face as you bask in your release. Heeseung continues eating you out throughout it, taking in all of your juices in his mouth, not letting a single drop escape. His movements grow slower as time goes by until he eventually stops and pulls away, only to leave that hickey he so wanted on your thigh.

By the time he's done, you've gained your consciousness back. Still breathing heavily, you caress his head and softly say, "Thanks."

He licks your thigh one last time and then gets up to kiss you, wrapping his arms around you in a hug while doing so. You let him, not really bothered by the taste of you in his mouth. But the kiss doesn't last long since you're still breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," you say after pulling away from him.

"It's okay," he says, resting his forehead against yours, his breathing also still heavy. Your hands move to cup his face and with a swipe of your thumb, you collect your cum on his face and feed it back to him. His lips part when your thumb touches them, and he obediently sucks it without protest.

"Good boy," you praise.

You pull your thumb away from his mouth. As his arms unwrap themselves from you, you lean against the door and give out a heavy sigh. Looking back at him, you say, "We should clean ourselves up and get dressed."

With a nod, he agrees, going to get the tissues from your bag that was by the piano. When he comes back with it, you both clean up the mess you both made; first, you both clean yourselves — although Heeseung prefers to clean you more with his mouth than with the tissues, then, you clean the floor and the door that still had streaks of his cum on them, and finally, you clean your clothes.

It's when he buttons up his shirt, you notice something strange.

"The hickeys are still there," you mention, now alarmed again.

Heeseung also gets alarmed, quickly taking out his phone to see himself but then chuckles a second later when he sees how he looks through the screen. "Damn, I looked fucked up," he mumbles.

His hand grazes the still bright red bruises on his neck and his eyebrows furrow at them when he doesn't see them healing. He turns to you and asks, "Did you drink something?"

"What?" You question as your hands are buttoning your shirt.

"Did you drink a potion or something today?" He asks, still looking at himself through the screen, his eyes looking slightly dark.

You pause your actions as you try to remember.

Potion...

Oh!

You remember now. It was during Tuesday's alchemy class where Heeseung unfortunately wasn't there. You remember that your lecturer taught the class about a new potion. Apparently, it's a consumption potion which means it only works if you consume it and he so kindly let you drink some of it after he finished explaining its properties. The colour of it was a very rich shade of blue and it smelled like the ocean... but the taste was... unpleasant, to say the least.

His voice rings across your mind, "So what it does is that it drastically slows down someone's regeneration ability, not yours but anyone you touch. Use with caution, alright. Don't be killing anyone. That's against the law."

"Oh... yeah, yeah I did. During alchemy class yesterday," you say, continuing to get dressed.

"Was it blue?" He puts his phone back in his pocket and continues buttoning his shirt.

"Yeah."

"Ah... no wonder."

You expect him to continue speaking but instead, he keeps quiet and simply tries to smooth out the wrinkles on his shirt. Eventually, you ask him a question that's on your mind, hoping that he's not annoyed or angry at you for leaving too many obvious hickeys on his neck. "But what are you gonna do?"

Please don't be angry at me.

"Oh, for these?" He shows you his neck, tapping the bruises on it. Then, with a smirk, he continues, "I'll keep them. Thanks."

"Are you sure?" You stare at him, surprised at his response.

Nodding, he reassures you, "Yeah, It's no problem. It'll go away eventually."

For the second time today, you decide to take his word for it. However, you can't help but wonder how long the potion's effect will last — maybe a couple of days? Hopefully not.

When you both finally finish making yourselves look presentable again, the comfortable silence you both share suddenly turns tense and awkward. You're unsure why but the reason makes itself known to you as you make your way to grab your bag.

Heeseung calls out your name. He sounds a bit nervous as he softly asks you, "What are we?"

Grabbing your bag, you think about it for a couple of seconds. "Hm, I guess... friends with benefits?"

"Oh..." He slowly nods, looking down at the floor.

"Unless you don't want that. This can be a one-time thing if you want."

"Nono, I-" He quickly says. "I just..." Taking a deep breath, he brings his head up to make eye contact with you and continues, his voice soft and a bit unsure, "I want something more..."

You look at him as soon as you hear that; he stands there, still near the door, with his posture straight and his face serious as he looks at you. "What?" You can't help but say.

Gathering all his courage, he nods to himself and continues, "I want to date you."

Surprise is the only word that describes how you feel right now. Never in a million years would you ever think that someone here actually likes you, much less want to date you. You've never even thought about dating a supernatural before either. And although you do like Heeseung... you're still unsure if you like him more than just a friend or not. Unsure of how to reply to his sudden confession, you end up just staring at him.

At your lack of response, his cheeks begin to turn pink again and says in a shaky voice, "If that's... a bit too much then it's alright." He gives you a reassuring smile, hoping that you don't feel pressured to reciprocate his feelings. "I don't mind just being friends with you."

"Heeseung, I'm sorry, I'm not too sure," you begin. "I mean, you're the only person who's been kind to me here. I'm not sure if I like you that way... and I wouldn't want you to fall in love with me, only for me to realise later that I never really liked you more than a friend in the first place."

Silence fills the air again as he takes in your words.

"Would you... give me a chance, at least?" He finally says. "Like at least let me take you on a date? Please?" As he looks at you with such cute and innocent eyes, you find yourself smiling at him. "I can show you the world if you want..." and ever so softly, he says his next sentence, "If you promise to show me yours."

His voice sounds melodious as he says that — you could hear the genuineness and hopefulness in his voice. And as you both stand there, just staring at each other, you begin to think to yourself; why not?

"Where would you take me?"

His face immediately lights up as you say that and you can't help but laugh at his cuteness.

"Anywhere you want," he replies with a bright smile, the kind of smile that could make the whole world stop and stare.

"Okay," you softly say, walking closer to him and giving him your hand.

For the first time in your life, you find yourself feeling excited about leaving your dorm, you find yourself anticipating to explore the world that you were so hesitant to get to know. It's as if your worries about laying low suddenly don't exist. And even though you're not really dating, you still can't stop the wide smile on your face as he meets you halfway, taking your hand in his and lacing your fingers together.

"Thank you," he whispers, bringing your hand to his lips to place a soft kiss on it.

"Thank you," you reply.

"For what?" He looks at you with a smile, slightly confused at your words.

Many things — for being kind to you, for being your friend, for not judging you just because you're human, and honestly, many more. But what comes out of your mouth is a simple, "Not every human has the honour of having a potential vampire boyfriend."

His laugh is bright and rich, music to your ears. His eyes crinkle as he laughs and his smile is wide. Just the sight of him laughing wholeheartedly makes your heart feel full. When he finishes laughing, his demeanour changes a bit to a playful one, leaning closer to whisper in your ear with that low voice and that signature boyish smile, "I can be much more than a vampire boyfriend."

"I have no doubt about it," you say to him as you try to calm down your beating heart.

Grabbing your bag from you with his other hand, he says, "Let me walk you to your dorm."

"Okay."

As you both reach the door, you take a look back and scan the room, just to make sure that everything's as it should be. You look back at him when you're done; he has his hand on the door as he asks you, "Ready?"

Nodding at him, you let him open the door and walk you to your dorm, your hands entwine together the whole walk.

#enhypen hard hours #enhypen smut #supernatural au #college au #enhypen hyung line #vampire #dom!reader #sub!enhypen #sub!idol #vampire!heeseung #heeseung smut #enha smut #heeseung hard hours #kpop smut

[sturnlova]

First time ( C.S )

(Chris Sturniolo x Female reader)

( Warning : Smut, F & M receiving, kinda new to writing, not proof read all the way, pet names, fluff, i don’t know what else 😭 )

Chris : Orange

Y/N : Pink

Matt : Blue

Nick : Purple

Nathan : Red

(Word count : 900)

——————————————————

Me and Chris have been best friends for over 8 years and i’ve told him every secret expect one, i’m a virgin, but i didn’t feel the need to because he can’t do anything about it. well at least i thought he couldn’t

“Exactly bruh, Y/N when your fucking someone would u let them do anal cause i personally wouldn’t” i giggled at his comment and so did everyone else but i didn’t really now what to say since i’ve never done anything romantically like sex, it’s not like people didn’t want to do it with me i just wasn’t ready. Nate went on for a while about fucking girls and his own experiences until i grabbed my phone and hoodie and hopped off the couch to go to Chris’ room and lock myself in there until i was ready to come out. I heard Matt whisper yell at Chris to go check on me and find out what’s wrong.

“Y/N let me in please, i wanna know if you’re okay, what happened Y/N/N”

“please go away Chris it’s embarrassing it doesn’t concern you anyway.”

“ I’m not going away Y/N/N cmon we’re best friends you gotta tell me ill tell you a secret if you want me to”

A minute after i unlocked the door, Chris opened it to see me with a puffy face due to the tears of embarrassment i shed. “Wanna sit and talk about it, i promise i won’t judge ” Chris moved us to the bed and laid me on his chest for we could talk about why i was crying out of nowhere.

As we laid down and made ourself as comfortable as we could i let out a sigh and a whisper into his chest “i’m a virgin at my grown age, Chris i just don’t want to do it with someone i don’t connect with, you know.” Chris just runs his fingers through my hair as i talk about how i feel embarrassed about being a virgin and why i still am one.

A uncomfortable silence forms until Chris cuts it with a knife “if you don’t wanna do this we can forget about it but do you want me to help, like platonically of course.”

“Help?”

“Yeah help.”

“You will tell me how to do it?”

“Of course Y/N no one has to know if u don’t want people to know“

He stands up and asks if i’m 100% sure, “im 101% sure Chris” He takes of his top and i take this as a queue to take mine of to, chris is there with jorts on and i’m left with shorts and my bra on which he unclasp with a bit of a struggle, but it’s fine. He leans down to kiss me softly but passionately.

He lays me down on the bed and crawls on top me of me. He pulls down my shorts and panties, leaving me naked well he still has his shorts on. “Chris please can you take ur shorts off, or do something please, it feels weird being naked and ur not.” “yeah sweetheart i’ll take it off don’t worry” He takes them off as he speaks.

Sweetheart?

I have to be honest with Chris because after all we are best friend’s “what if it hurts Chris, many get a towel in case i bleed.” “It’s ok we don’t need a towel but i’ll be slow i promise and you can just tap my arm 2 times if u want me to stop, ok?” i nod my head in response. He spreads my legs open and places my ankles on his shoulders. He teases my pussy hole a bit making sure i’m stretched before anything more happens.

“Okay I’m ready Chris just go slow” he slowly adds his length to me, i hiss in response as this is a new feeling and his definitely not small “you ok? want to stop” “no no keep going” He finally adds it all to me and starts moving, i can feel his balls against my butt it’s a bit funny to me only because this is the same boy i used to force to let me practice make up on. He continues his thrust at a steady past well whispering praises in my ear.

I’m a moaning mess under him due to all the new sensations i’m feeling; his tip hits my cervix with every movement he does. Chris giggles, “what’s so funny lover boy?” “the fact you can barely talk ” “shut up” i say between my moans.

“Y/N i’m really close ok, i want you to cum all over my cock” he whimpers as he moves slower and sloppier. “Let go baby” we finish together and giggle at each other’s sweaty tired faces a couple seconds after. We lay in bed together naked in a comfortable silence.

“You did so good Y/N/N i’m so proud of you. Thank you for being comfortable with me.” he kisses my check “you want me to get ya dressed for we can go back down? Or you wanna stay here for a bit ” “Yeah can you please get me dressed before someone walks in, and also i know i don’t have to much experience but you’re good at fucking” Chris giggled and pulled out of me to add my clothes and his clothes back on.

Chris puts his clothes on then grabs me by the waist and puts my clothes on until Nate walks in our room.

“Did y’all fuck?”

“what?” i say with a tone that clearly had attitude to it.

“No we didn’t do that, she had really bad stomach pains and was crying so it might i’ve sounded like moans but it wasn’t..”

“Oh sorry than but why is she naked?”

“Nate get the fuck out”

Chris whispered in my ear “I’ll drop you off home baby” i started to blush and nodded my head and looked down.

✧༺✦✮✦༻༺✦✮✦༻✧

It’s been 4 months since Chris admitted his feelings to me after “helping me” and i couldn’t be more thankful. I now have the best boyfriend i could ever ask for, we also have an annoying but loveable Nate who saw us Post sex.

#chris sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo smut #sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo smut #smut #chris sturniolo x you #christopher sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #chris sturniolo fluff #sturniolo fanfic

[dontbotherwiththepronunciation]

EDIT UPON LAST READING:

This was written on the 30th of may mostly because I got in trouble with a subset of sansa fans at the time and I felt like I should try to joy in her character again. I am no longer sick, I no longer feel like talking about romance, I no longer feel like talking about Sansa but doing this was fun and I am always curious

For the sake of this post, and only this post, I will refer to the term "ship" or any derivatives of the word as "feeling interested by a dynamic's fanon, semi- or canon romantic connotations".

Can't believe I have to say this but god people can get so unnecessarily mean. Before people start being pedantic about something as harmless as rarepairs, it seems like I really will have to say: I don't believe in any of these options possible canon endgames. Many of these have not even interacted. I deserve to have fun with stuff as trivial as dumb inconsequential fanon ships. 

Under the cut I wrote down my preferences + linked some fanwork simply because I’m in a shipping mood after reading some folkloric myths and I don’t really have any strong opinions on ships, and the few NOTPS I have are more about the way fandom treats the ship than the actual ship on itself, but I am completely ill and not healthy enough to do anything more serious and rarepairs are fun. You don’t have to read it or write one yourself, I just feel like talking and recommending fanfics.

On the other hand, if you do want to recommend me fanwork of any type, or share a prompt or show me a wip or just simply hype your rarepair please do so! Everything goes as long as it's a rarepair (less than 500 fics on ao3).

1. Sansa Stark x Brienne of Tarth

Listen, were it not for Brienne and Jaime being clearly written to be read as semi-canon-going-canon and were this book not written by a straight cis white male US American baby boomer democrat, I would be delusionally screaming this is going to be the one canon ship! This would be my protagonist endgame ship for which I would take the mildest coincidence as foreshadowing and die on that hill.

I am coming for you, Lady Sansa. Be not afraid. I shall not rest until I've found you. - Brienne I, AFFC

(Subversions of lady/princess & knight/prince where both are women and one of them is searching for the other and I'll become her Prince and save her! and-)

I just really love how so many of Brienne's issues are tied to her femininity. She does not fit into the traditional idea of womanhood, she wishes she would, she does not want to, she is rejected by the concept and she rejects the concept. And yet, when she distances herself from every possible reminder of her own femininity and takes up a man's armour and sword, she is reminded of her place as a woman and told to conform to her gender.

And then we have Sansa, who romanticises stories about Ladies and Knights; first out of genuine love and admiration for them, and later as a coping mechanism when cruel reality tells her that those ideals are sadly nowhere near true.

This is her knight. This is her strong, brave knight.

My only problem with Briennsa is how we shippers sometimes tend to put Brienne in a position of servitude to Sansa or the Starks and ignore how she is the heir to an island, has a father whom she loves and wishes to see again, and is still on a quest. Hell, she might be Azor Ahai, with her weirwood dream in which she fights White Walkers + her father's sword Lightbringer, out of all the Azor Ahai tinfoil theories this is the one I think has the most canon support. She is not a Hyle Hunt type of errand knight who is just walking around Westeros for the sake of traveling and finding a job, and once the war is over and she has kept her oath, it would be nice to see her going home and proceeding with her life and independence, maybe taking Podrik with her. I would like her to see her father again and see there being love between them.

My nonsensical fantasies involve Brienne being like "Alright, I found one of the Stark girls, still have to find the other one. I'm taking her to Tarth where she'll be safe and have no creeps around who would bother her." and Sansa just completely falling in love with Brienne on the way there.

Also, I would die for the comedic potential of Brienne of Tarth, mockingly refered to as "Brienne the beauty", having a trail of people fawning over her. This post is one of my favourite posts in the world.

To be honest, while I do enjoy the idea of Sansa going North to reunite with her family, I also have a strong fondness for the concept of her actually staying South. I know this is an unpopular opinion that Sansa fans seem to particularly dislike because of the whole "SaNsA iS nOt A rEaL sTaRk" thing, but there is something about lands of childhoods being unretournable. Stepping out of home means never seeing it again. "I am stronger within the walls of Winterfell" perhaps, but the walls of Winterfell were burned and the one Winterfell native who got to go back to Winterfell didn't get to be strong or safe.

I would like to be wrong though, and I think I will be wrong! But still, it would be nice for her to discover a South that is closer to the dreams of chivalry and court she had and perhaps Tarth could be that place, even if only for a short time.

Well, here is a canon-divergent AFFC fanfic in which Brienne finally makes it to the Vale. It has a lot of fairy tale imagery and an interesting characterisation between the Sansa-Alayne personas.

2. Sansa Stark x Jeyne Westerling

"That's what I'll give you, Lady Sansa. Your brother's head." A kind of madness took over her then, and she heard herself say, "Maybe my brother will give me your head." - Sansa VI, AGOT

You know how Catelyn and Ellaria both at least got to say goodbye to the remains of their loved ones? Jeyne didn't. Neither did Sansa.

My weird fantasy involves Jeyne Westerling (MY Queen in the North) finally getting Robb's head, even if it's just the skull, and showing it to Sansa. A subversion in a way. Joffrey would have done it in malice and sadism, Jeyne would do it it with care, maybe a feeling of responsibility over what remains of her husband's family.

I have a lot of issues with Robb Stark and the way he is perceived in fandom, I keep hating him until I read the source material again and realise "oh wait, fanon≠canon", but I just think his relationships with the women surrounding him are fascinating and they don't get explored a lot. Sansa doesn't know about him cutting her out of the inheritance line and I wonder how she and Jeyne, the other woman who is a Stark but would no longer be accepted as one by a majority of the Northern lords, would feel about him. I wonder how love, resentment, grief and guilt would mix between the two. I don't think Jeyne is pregnant, but if she somehow ends up caring for Robb's heir (be it Jon, Sansa, or an eventual child we refer to as his) I would love that. I like imagining that Jeyne could learn more about Robb, the boy, since she seems to have only gotten to know Robb, the man and King. I like daydreaming of Sansa and Jeyne talking about Catelyn, whom both admire.

I think both of them, based on what we know of Jeyne, share some similitudes in the way they behave conforming to their gender and what is considered a Lady's attitude while still having moments of defiance and I think Sansa could maybe appreciate that. Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, she speaks of "madness taking over her" and, in my opinion, this is usually when she steps out of her own safety to be brave or bold (standing up to Joffrey, trusting Dontos, trying to hide her first menstruation) and I think it could be nice to see her realising these are not things she should be ashamed of. It always reminds me of Jeyne tearing up her clothes and fighting her mother. Jeyne Westerling, like most Jeynes, doesn't get treated very well in fandom. I hate how the interpretation of Robb breaking his vows to marry her is always one putting him as a selfless saint who practically sacrificed himself for a girl he didn't even love when the fact this all plays so mysteriously can open so many possibilities.

And it seems to me people forget how metal she became.

Sometimes Sansa's f/f ships tend to get simplified to "girls being girls and doing girly things together" and I understand why people enjoy that and they are valid for doing so, but in my case I usually prefer to have a little more conflict to it and I think this ship can balance the "girls making flowercrowns and braiding each others hair" and "exploration of complex feelings and estrangement" well enough for me to find it interesting.

Here is a fanfic I'd recommend that takes place in Winterfell with a reluctant Queen Sansa and lots of survivor's guilt + an edit done for said fanfic!

3. Sansa Stark x Garlan Tyrell

When Joff had her beaten, the Imp defended her, not Littlefinger. When the mob sought to rape her, the Hound carried her to safety, not Littlefinger. When the Lannisters wed her to Tyrion against her will, Ser Garlan the Gallant gave her comfort, not Littlefinger. - Sansa I, AFFC

(Yes, I know all those allies are kind of perpetuating her misery too, but she seems to have some affection for them. The reasons behind the affection can be discussed and dissected to examine whether that affection should be there or not, but as of now I don't want to talk about that. People can cherrypick to their own wishes.)

Not something I like to visualise as an endgame because Garlan seems to be quite happy with Leonette and I honestly think Margaery and Sansa's break up/middle school betrayal might not be as easily solvable as we wished, but I like thinking about Sansa & Garlan.

I like Sansa but she is fetishising a gay man who just lost the love of his life when she has a broader shouldered, bearded, straight person who looks very similar to said gay man who is called Garlan the Gallant and how can she be so blind? Why is her unrealistic teenage crush so poorly chosen? Garlan is so humble and his name is so fitting. He is more chivalrous and mature than Lawrence and he is so strong and agreeable and he treats her and Tyrion with respect. He takes her out to dance and makes her laugh and if going by how she describes the Tyrells, then he is so very handsome too and- Why are you laughing? - My father, swooning over Garlan the Gallant on the phone

I do like imagining her having a bit of a very one-sided mild crush sometimes, not something serious but one of those light early adolescent crushes you won't ever act on. Sansa finding moments to daydream and cherish in the hell of a life she is living in King's Landing where se feels cared for, even if it is by someone who is not particularly invested in her. Admiring Leonette and wondering how happy she must be, without ever being truly envious or malicious but simply wishing she had something similar. So, less actual romantic interest but more of a one-sided "I wish" in response to unexpected and (hopefully) genuine emotional help.

I usually prefer gap fillers in fanfiction and I am so eagerly waiting for a gap filler of Sansa's time in King's Landing where she gets to interact more with Garlan and Leonette. Where we see her being wistful and melancholic, longing for her dreams of courtship, chivalry and the sort of love that would be a mix between that which she has heard in songs and witnessed between her parents. Having small moments of joy feeling like a girl again for allowing herself those dreams and realising they can be true.

It's a pity there aren't many fanfics or fan art focusing on their canon or fanon dynamic. I like them a lot.

4. Sansa Stark x Myranda Royce

This is the light to C€rsei x Ta€na's darkness. I love them as friends and I would rather keep them as friends, and for some reason I ship Myranda x Mya, but I enjoy the ship A LOT! Out of the female connection's Sansa builds as the story goes on, I think their dynamic is the most endearing one, and I live in fear of GRRM turning Myranda into Sansa's new villain. I talked a bit about them in the later part of that one post, and I don't have a lot more to add, I just genuinely enjoy their dynamic and how natural Sansa's friendship with her is. I think Myranda embodies certain aspects of Margaery and Jeyne, but until now she is more genuine than Margaery was, and Sansa is also more mature in her treatment of her compared to Jeyne. I just like them.

So, if Myranda gets to wake up the sapphicness in Sansa, I would not complain. She spends so much time flirting with her! I love her for that. "You do turn such a pretty shade of pink.”, "So you're brave as well as beautiful, "I can see how virtuous you are just by looking at those rosy cheeks and big blue eyes of yours."

Sometimes I see this small fraction of fandom being mistrusting of Myranda and I honestly think we are just falling into Littlefinger's trap when we do that. If Petyr tells Sansa not to befriend Myranda, then I will 100% hope Sansa has the common sense to befriend Myranda. Don't take Myranda's derogative comment about Alayne's "Bastard breasts" as genuine, her literal bff/girlfriend is a bastard herself. Nah, but seriously, do we really think that Mya Stone who has been struggling with feelings of abandonment since before we even met her would be "as close as sisters" with Myranda Royce if she truly were a classist evil schemer? I honestly think Littlefinger might be a little afraid of her. She is shrewd, she might not be on board with her father's alliance with Petyr. Maybe that is why she is being threatened by her father to be married to a suitor she wouldn't approve of.

I might be wrong though, who knows. I do understand how her constant bawdy jokes could have also been a method for disorienting and questioning her but the twow preview chapter made me doubt it. For some reason I find her more genuine than Margaery, but as said I'm open to being very wrong about this.

Anyway, here is a small Drabble + art someone made and it's cute and Myranda is funny. I love Myranda.

5. Sansa Stark x Harrold Hardyng

I didn't have a strong opinion on them but then I was sold on them by a fanfic. It seems like this is where canon might be heading and I'm honestly happy for Sansa if she gets to have her high school movie annoyance to lovers romance with a handsome-popular-everybody-wants-him Prep/Jock guy. Good for her. I don't think Harry is an evil person and I hope it remains that way. Depending on which approach GRRM takes to their relationship it could be very comedic while still holding the political plot for the Vale. Their interactions during the Alayne TWOW preview chapter were gold and everything I would expect from the high school AU set in the Middle Ages, this post encapsulates it, I want them to be cringe and weirdly out of place. All the important lords and ladies are talking politics while these two are constantly making everyone uncomfortable with weird one liners.

On the other hand, depending on how long Sansa has to keep up with the Alayne farce, it could also provide for some angst and explorations of identity issues. Lady Waynwood agreed to the betrothal on the condition that Harry himself would agree to it and find "Alayne" to his liking. And I will admit there is something that would be so sweet about Sansa being loved by Harry THE HEIR, as Alayne Stone, some petty lord's bastard.

It is not me she wants her son to marry, it is my claim. No one will ever marry me for love. - Sansa VI, ASOS

I would be so genuinely happy if she is proven wrong. And yes, the Alayne persona is not simply Sansa with another hair colour and name, but it is still part of her. It is a mask of her own face, smoother and only presenting that which she wants to present. It would be interesting to see an actual love story blossom out of this, while she is still painfully aware of their union being a machination of Littlefinger, maybe feeling guilt and insecurity over Alayne being made to play the seductress while Sansa is still underneath that facade wanting to be loved, being loved but not fully aware of it.

Anyway, here is a light angst fanfic about the Sansa-Alayne identity and Harry! It's probably one of my favourite Sansa fics ever, but warning for Petyr Baelish being himself!

+ I think people sleep on the concept of us readers getting to see Littlefinger "losing the girl" for the supposed prep/jock fuckboy again, that would be great.

Not a favourite, because I don't know a lot about Harrold except for that he is kind of a jerk, but I am a very canon person, so I'll probably end up tolerating/liking it if it actually gets to happen.

6. Sansa Stark x Myrcella Baratheon

I feel very weird about this one because I personally tend to distance myself from the captive x captor (including captor's family) ships in asoiaf when they are portrayed as something positive (nothing against those who like them, it's just a personal preference), but maybe because in this case both of them experience the position of hostage/ward and they didn't get to spend a significant amount of time together (two years at most), I am less appalled about possible scenarios in which they meet again in the future. Myrcella being passed off as legitimate when she is a bastard, Sansa being passed off as a bastard when she is legitimate, becoming pawns in political intrigues of others, being isolated from their families at a young age. Dorne treats Myrcella significantly better than King's Landing treated Sansa, but it still is the place where she was maimed and almost killed.

+ The fact that Myrcella is supposed to look almost exactly like Cersei (someone Sansa admired and wanted to emulate only to come to fear and hate her) but has none of her cruelty could be very interesting and torturous to explore if people want to write angst and get into Sansa's psychology. You can make this dark and macabre without having to open the bag with the dead dove.

Here is a (sadly abandoned) post ados fic in which Myrcella travels North as a ward to Lady Sansa, Warden of the North, sent by Queen Daenerys. Othe ships are also tagged, but since it was discontinued they don't appear. It has a very entertaining characterisation for Myrcella and it doesn't bash any of the girls mentioned, so I liked it.

7. Sansa Stark x Lancel Lannister

So, imagine a universe where Sansa chooses Lancel over Tyrion.

At the time, Lancel is still recovering from his wounds, if I remember correctly, and is experiencing his religious awakening. Imagine how different Sansa's arc would have been. Would she be the one seeking for some sort of connection between her and her husband? Lancel would probably have no interest in any possible romance, but he might be less indifferent with Sansa than he was with Amerei given how she aided him when he was wounded even when he had always been a passive participant in her abuse. Would she keep plotting and hoping for an escape with Dontos? Or would Lancel take her away from King's Landing? If he's not marrying Amerei, then he is not getting Derry, but perhaps Sansa could become a claim to Riverrun post-Red Wedding and that would be interesting to see. Sansa in her mother's home, retracing the steps of her parents, but this time differently, as an unwilling usurper to her uncle. Would she meet Jeyne once the Lannisters retake Riverrun?

Would there be a religious conflict between the two? I am an agnostic theology enthusiast, so I really love seeing how religion plays out in the story and since Sansa believes in the Seven Gods and the Old Gods, I think her dual faith would be interesting to see in opposition to Lancel's devotion for and indoctrination by the faith of the Seven.

+ both have Cersei related trauma and I am a sucker for "we share an abuser" dynamics.

I actually really love this possibility, but didn't came up with any of it on my own! What I wrote above is based on conversations between @team-mom-wannabe, @selkiewife and @nosafeanchorage. They created an entire AU for these two, with an astonishing amount of details and care, and then I had to go through the disappointment that is realising no one has ever written a fanfic centred on their possible marriage.

8. Sansa Stark x Val the Wildling

I really like Val. I know some people hate her because they claim she is "not like other girls" or because she wants Shireen to be killed, but I hate the way nlog rhetoric has developed and I come from a continent where 95% of the population was killed by foreigner's diseases (and also by the foreigners themselves of course), so yeah, I will never hold that against her. I understand why that is upsetting to others, but I'm different.

It's weird to me that although show!Sansa was given traits and storylines from many erased female characters and was kind of deprived of her own (and I still hate that show for that and so many other things), they never teased the concept of giving her a wildling partner! Tormund was a completely different character compared to his book counterpart, he was much younger, conventionally attractive and acted as the main leader of the Free Folk after Mance, so I thought they would maybe merge him with Sigorn and tease him and Sansa, but that didn't happen (I don't remember what happened to him. Did he die?). And I won't deny that the lack of a wilding/northerner marriage lead me to have some thoughts about how interesting it could be for her to meet someone from the free folk. And then, because I'm very very sapphic, Val came to my mind, another cool woman they erased. Beautiful and deadly. A subversion of the princess in a tower.

It's fun to see how both, Sansa and Val, are considered the keys to the North/the Free Folk when their titles are practically honorary; Val is not a real princess and the Free Folk wouldn't submit to anyone who forcibly married her, Sansa has been cut out of the inheritance line because she was made to marry an enemy whom the North would never allow into its territory. I think it would be entertaining to see them meet and observe possibly feelings of mutual respect grow and I just really like seeing people from different cultures interact. Free Folk's beliefs around courtship and how romance and marriage are always meant to carry some sort of violence are fascinating to me. The idea of being "stolen" is a concept I initially associated to non-consensual dynamics, but in fairy tales we often have characters saving the female heroine/love interest by stealing/rescuing them. The way women are often made to be objects of conquest or rewards in most folkloric stories and fairy tales conditions their rescue as theft, since they often belong to the villain only to be passed to another male character. This also is somewhat true in Sansa's case specifically with Tyrion and Petyr, although I would argue Petyr is a lot worse for Sansa than Tyrion. Anyway, I would really like to see how Sansa, who has always been on the edge of rape but has managed to avoid it (she has still been mistreated and fondled in situations of dubious consent, but not violated like Jeyne or Dany), would react to their customs.

+ depending on whether you believe in Sansa's possible complicity in the poisoning of Sweetrobin there could be soooo much room for projection and angst if she gets to see Val being motherly and so very loving to "her nephew" (even when it's not really her nephew and she knows) while still advocating for Shireen's death. Oh, that could be very very fun to read.

9. Sansa Stark x Podrick Payne

awwww he is crushing on his boss's wife! :D

I feel weird about this one being so low given how it's the only one in this bunch with some canon support. This is uncommon for me. It's probably simply because I find her dynamic with Tyrion more interesting, but this is cute anyway!

I do wonder why no one has thought more seriously about them in canon given how Pod is Brienne's traveling companion and might come to meet Sansa again sometime soon (if they survive LSH (on that note, I'd love it if he gets to tell her about Catelyn/LSH)).

I don't know. Podrick is a good kid and Sansa deserves good things. I just haven't found a lot of thematics in their possible dynamic that interest me, but I'm open to them.

+ Sansa's weird traumatic dreams involving Ilyn Payne. Someone make something out of this.

Sadly haven't found many fanfics that have sparked my interest, but I really like this gif-set!

10. Sansa Stark x Tristifer Botley

I had been wondering about this concept for a while and thought that in another universe where the war didn't happen or the possible Iron Islands/The North alliance was settled in terms that included more marriages between them, this could have been interesting, albeit improbable since House Botley isn't as relevant as House Stark, but interesting! And then I came across this really sweet post-ados fanfic by @/alleyskywalker in which Sansa is married to him to build bonds with the Islands since all realms are now independent again and I thought it was cute. Tris was lovely and I liked reading him. He is a character I feel conflicted about, but I don't think he is evil, I just didn't like the way he approached Asha. I jokingly refer to him as a nice guy™, but honestly he is just an actual nice guy with a gentle nature and romantic tendencies and I really love how he is a character whom Asha deems "too sweet for the Iron Islands", and still he is part of the Iron Islands and is accepted as one by the other Ironborn. Her claim is never backed on by anyone else.

His courteous and polite ways could probably match Sansa's dreams of chivalry very well. It would also be fun to see her adapt to the Islands, considering the Northerners' mistrust (and also some bigotry) for the Ironborn and how different their culture is compared to that of the southern courts that Sansa dreamed of and idealized. It could be fun.

My honour mentions in no particular order

Sansa Stark x Harras Harlaw

For similar reasons to Tristifer Botley, but although we know less about Harras' personality, we know he is a salt son and a knight, something most of his fellow Ironborn frown upon. To me, that is odd and fun to think about. Does he worship the Seven Gods AND the Drowned God simultaneously? His mother is a Serret of the Westerlands. Could she have been the one to make him be more fond of southern culture? I don't know, but I like to think that is the case and if so, I think him and Sansa could possibly have some things in common.

Sansa Stark x Mya Stone

Not one I'm actively searching stuff for, but I get a visit from my good ol' friend Sarah Tonin whenever I stumble upon it and I can understand why people are into it:

Baratheon x Stark (but f/f)

Bastard x Noble (but f/f + subverted because "Alayne")

Mya's connection to Catelyn (Lady Stoneheart would approve)

There is also the fact that Mya is one of the most honest and frank characters Sansa has met ever since the story began. I will defend Myranda but I think she is shrewd, Margaery...well we know how that ended...Mya is different! She doesn't seem to be hiding any secrets or have any ulterior motives in her friendliness. Her abandonment issues would be interesting to explore among with Sansa's overall introspection + her isolation in King's Landing and her new (and sadly well) founded mistrust for others.

Honestly, my favourite daydream just involves them having a conversation about Sansa's parents and Mya telling her all she can remember and consoling her, while being open about her own issues, but sadly I don't have any creative abilities and can't come up with anything beyond that.

Here is a short, but interesting, fanfic that takes place post AFFC, but was written before the TWOW preview chapters came out. I thought it was lovely.

Sansa Stark x Jeyne Poole

Kind of an obvious one and one I struggle with because I can see the appeal of childhood friends torn apart by war and then reuniting after both went through different hells, but the way fandom treats it often just annoys me. I think there are a few unaddressed issues that make it more difficult for me to enjoy the way it's portrayed in fanon. I guess we could say I like it as a rhænicent that never got truly toxic and just remained bittersweet with a few kneeps of resentment, feelings of inferiority and maybe some misplaced anger coming from Jeyne . There is a fanfic though that I think is unmatched when it comes to what I would like : (1) + (2) but warning for canon compliant Jeyne storyline fucked upness + mild ambiguous Theyne (the Jeynsa is ambiguous too, but in my opinion less than the theyne, and it is just as important, not a side-ship. Overall one of my favourite fics ever).

Rolly Duckfield

"He is as tall as Griff now. Three days ago he knocked Duck into a horse trough." "I wasn't knocked. I fell in just to make him laugh." - Tyrion III, ADWD

I love Duck. He reminds me of my best friend and I think Sansa could use someone like that in her life. I have nothing else to add.

#I’m only really invested in Sansa x Brienne and Sansa x Jeyne W (romantically) but I really like putting her with uncommon suitors #just for the sake of having fun with it. #sansa stark #asoiaf #speaking #fanfic rec #I think W€x P¥ke could be nice too but if I'm shipping him with a northern girl it will be W¥lla because of the potential for #comically uncomfortable inconveniences for the0n. #I am tagging the ships just in case someone has blacklisted some of them sorry for spamming #sansa x brienne #sansa x garlan #sansa x harry #sansa x jeyne #(w) #(p) #sansa x lancel #sansa x myranda #sansa x myrcella #sansa x Podrick #sansa x tris #sansa x val #sansa x harras #sansa x mya #sansa x duck #some of these are probably not blacklisted but it would be very funny if someone randomly decided to hate sansa x duck #I have blacklisted ships that are very well loved but this would be even funnier #I would applaud that audacity!

[szmacblog]

Old-Time Tradition: Folk Musicals

Grease (1978)

This film follows Danny (John Travolta) and Sandy (Olivia Newton-John), two teenagers from different worlds. After a summer fling,  they thought they would never see each other ever again, but unexpectedly reunite in the same school. Sandy, initially a wholesome stereotypical "IT girl”, tries to fit in with Danny's greaser crew, the T-Birds, and their sassy counterparts, the Pink Ladies. 

Identity in Grease: A Song and Dance

The musical numbers in Grease are very energetic and catchy, but they also play a big role in exploring how the characters navigate their identities. Many songs like "Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee"—(I don’t drink, or swear. I don’t wrap my hair. I get ill from one cigarette. Keep your filthy paws from my silky dress)—and "Beauty School Dropout" showcase characters trying on different identities. Sandy tries to be the ideal 50s girl, while Rizzo rejects society's expectations. They all use songs to experiment and find their place in the T-Birds/Pink Ladies dynamic. On the other hand, songs like "Greased Lightnin'" and "We Go Together" solidify that bond that we can perceive between the T-Birds and Pink Ladies. Moreover, love, frustration, and teenage angst all find voice through the music. "Hopelessly Devoted to You", probably the most emotional song on the movie’s tracklist, lays bare Sandy's feelings, portraying her as the basic, easily enamored girl.

The film reinforces stereotypical gendered behaviors. For example, in “Summer Nights”, the girls' lyrics ("Tell me more, was it love at first sight?") center around romance and emotions, suggesting a more emotional and sensitive view of love. Whereas the boys' lyrics ("Tell me more, did she put up a fight?")  imply a focus on sexual conquest, portraying a more aggressive and sexualized view of romantic relationships. The song reinforces the idea that men and women approach love differently based on these stereotypes and it could be argued that it promotes non-consensual intimacy.

The characters in Grease don't just burst into song for no reason, their world revolves around music. The energy and choreography allow characters to process their emotions in a big way. In fact, the film doesn't shy away from showing the characters enjoying music and dance for pure fun. 

Yet, the world of Grease isn't exactly diverse

It is noticeable that the film avoids touching on any serious social issues of the 1950s, like racial tensions or economic disparity. This creates a sanitized version of the past and ignores the complexities of real life. Moreover, it pushes away the idea of 'Black Joy' as being something achievable even more. The music itself doesn't delve into racial themes, and there is quite literally, only one visible Black character in the movie—Frederick "Dennis" Greene as part of the singing group Johnny Casino and the Gamblers, reinforcing the idea that "Black musicality—the all-blacks-got-rhythm syndrome—of White cinema." (Dyer 98.)

The Ordinary → Utopia

Several elements align with the classic trope of white musicals seeking to transform the ordinary into a utopia; everyone is happy and music comes out of nowhere. Sandy's journey from a demure, "good girl" to a leather-clad greaser epitomizes this trope. Her initial wholesomeness represents the ordinary, while her adoption of the greaser look signifies a transformation into something cooler and more exciting. This aligns with the utopian ideal of escapism. On the other hand, Rydell High itself is portrayed as a somewhat utopian space. Sure, there are cliques and social pressures, but overall, it's a place where teenagers can have carefree fun. Finally, the film's resolution reinforces the utopian ideal. Danny and Sandy reconcile, the T-Birds and Pink Ladies maintain their cool-kid status, and everyone seems to get their happily-ever-after. This all-pink ending avoids the complexities of real life, where there are serious conflicts and consequences for teenage rebellion, and presents a more utopian world.

Circular time?

Black musicals often depict a cyclical view of time, where characters return to their "real life." As Dyer states, "white joy is in a space freed from labor; Black fun dips into the thing to have a good time while working." We can clearly notice this in the film. The ending suggests the T-Birds and Pink Ladies will stay on this high school path, but there's no real sense of daily life hardship.

#@theuncannyprofessoro #oxyfilmmusical #Youtube #panel discussion

[fareehaandspaniards]

Damian headcanons

I need to put everything I have about him in one place! So let's begin.

First of all, he is a VERSATILE, MULTIGRANEOUS person, as the CANON shows us! (I swear it shows us)

*simping sounds*

His childhood. Damian comes from a big family, as it seems to me, and is not distinguished by noble blood. His desire to care for others began while he was a child growing up within the walls of his family’s noisy house. He was one of the eldest children (and had like 8 siblings. But not all of them survived in the end). And while his older brother and sister were firstly jealous of their younger siblings and then simply lost their feelings for both parents and siblings as they plunged into adulthood, Damian tried to take care of everyone - older siblings and younger, and the parents. I won't say that love reigned in his family. Rather, his sensitivity and care was seen as a flaw, and given that I see his parents as exceptionally practical and cynical people - I don't think anyone could understand Damian. Perhaps his mom sometimes did. (I should add that often if a child grows up neglected and left to themselves, they unconsciously putting themselves in opposition to surroundings. And it doesn't always lead to good things! But in Damian's case - he grew up to be a decent person) I also headcanon that one of his younger brothers, who died of an illness while still young, was very much like Micolash. Which was the beginning of their contact – in Byrgenwerth Damian noticed a young student with a thin, smiling face and black curls, and his heart ached with painful memories. There was the first desire to get to know him better, perhaps to help him in some way (Micolash had always been VERY thin, even skeleton-like, and I believe Damian was sincerely trying to "fatten" him up). But that was all back when Damian was watching him from afar.

Youth. Damian got into Byrgenwerth, partly because he showed promise by being well-read and educated and also had a passion for medicine, partly because one of his wealthier relatives (let it be his uncle, so often happens in romantic novels! Rich uncle appears out of nowhere xd) funded his enrollment, because I headcanon that Byrgenwerth is too elite a place to get in without money. But there were also situations where someone got in thanks to the help of the faculty. I think Willem never belonged to the "self-serving" people and was happy to accept into his alma mater those who ACTUALLY had an aptitude for sciences and an extraordinary mind. So Damian studied at Byrgenwerth, long before all the events of the Fishing Hamlet. He was good at his studies, but didn't want to go back home after graduating. The medical field didn't pull him in either, because Damian was too afraid of making a mistake. Afraid of failing. He worked one year in a Yharnam hospital where he learned the basics of patient care (I won't specify what his specialty was. I'll put it down to Victorian England and experimental medicine in general) Saw indifference, deaths, despair. For a doctor he loved people too much, burning out his heart when something was wrong. So he went back to Byrgenwerth. And Willem found him a position as an archivist with assistant functions. Damian had proven himself during his studies, so Willem entrusted him with the library section, documenting his own research papers and keeping his office in order. And by the time Micolash/Laurence/Rom/Yurie and etc got there, Damian was a grown man. (I believe the time of apprenticeship at the Byrgenwerth is from about 18 to 23-25. And when Micolash was 18, Damian was 28 or so)

Research Hall era. I picked up Katy's headcanon about Micolash working as a doctor there and doing bad things in an attempt to connect with Kos, and Rom being a patient. Since almost all of Byrgenwerth's students and staff moved to the Church (the most qualified and trusted), many characters ended up there one way or another. Damian also tried to start work there, but he couldn't. He couldn't be a doctor or even assistant. So he found another job and became one of the first Tomb Prospectors under Ludwig's leadership (Also helping sometimes to protect important persons of the Church and Research Hall). Along with Gremia, Olek and others. This job was considered heretical by Damian’s relatives, because they lived on old ideas and religion, and desecrating ancient tombs is not good! But Damian still stayed in his place. He wanted to be closer to Micolash. And also the deadly work distracted him from his horrible thoughts and from what the man dear to his heart was doing (I believe most of the experiments on Adelina were Micolash's doing). Damian kept silent about everything he saw and knew because he couldn't betray the one he loved. And… He was too weak to override his affection. With all his humanity, Damian couldn't, and that was his vice. His path that he had chosen. Also while serving as a Tomb Prospector, he became very close to Gremia, which I will talk more about. Very often during expeditions Damian could die. And somewhere he was saved, and somewhere he demonstrated the skills of an assassin himself. Gradually, his will to live faded because of constant anxiety for Micolash, lots of secrets that he had from Damian and those awful things from Research Hall that Damian knew but couldn’t tell anyone. Damian became a semblance of his former self, giving all his feelings to Micolash, hiding his own, and no longer trying to protect himself when he was attacked by the dead of the catacombs, what made Gremia very angry.

The time between the Research Hall and the Choir. Oh, I'm going to single this snippet out as my favorite. It's probably one of the most important points of Damian's formation as a person. Micolash was then faced with a dilemma - he knew - what he was doing was wrong, that Damian could die every time he went for a mission to dungeons, that Micolash’s distance from him was slowly killing him. And he didn't want to lose him - Damian was the most loyal person to him, who also loved him. So Micolash decided to try to reveal all his secrets to Damian and explain his interest in Kos. He let him look into his already blue eyes, which had changed after seeing Kos. And Damian, too, beheld the Great One. But if Micolash saw in his dream an angry deity seeking revenge and grieving for his child, Damian saw the true embodiment of maternal love, a goddess from the depths, protecting women and children, a true idol of warmth and love. And that was what he had been missing all along! He had found his faith. And realized why Micolash was willing to do literally anything to find a way to Kos. After that vision, Damian changed - he became calmer, more confident, he decided what he wanted from life and what he would devote himself to. Even in his missions to the catacombs he became more cold-blooded, tougher, but at the same time even more caring than he had been - arcane magic became surprisingly easy for him, and he used everything to protect and defend his comrades.

Choir era. Again, I mention that I'm actively using Katya's vision of the timeline - it fell into my soul, especially regarding Rom and Micolash. So in my headcanons, Rom is the head of Choir (which fits her so muuuuuuch). When Damian and Gremia retrieve the Chalice of Isz from the depths of the dungeons that allowed to meet Ebraitas, the Choir was founded. Micolash becomes one of the first scientists of the new institution, but is very skeptical of everything. During this period, Damian loses the last strings of his connection with Rom, as she goes to Ebraitas and keeps in touch with her. He forms an amusing bond with Yurie (though the two knew each other since Byrgenwerth), as she feels about the same way about Rom as he does about Micolash. Yurie and Damian are interested in each other, but are too busy with their lovers to take each other seriously. However, some kind of connection between them remains, whether it's rivalry or mutual understanding. I don't think they have realized what it is!

The School of Mensis. When Micolash takes everything he needed from the Choir, he leaves. Damian doesn't hesitate to go after him, abandoning his service as a Tomb Prospector, which made Gremia angry. Many scientists follow Micolash. He and Damian manage to drag even Caryll with them, for whom there was a fight between Laurence and Micolash (and Caryll himself despised both of them lol). I have to say that I will never, ever believe that the only members of the School of Mensis are Damian and Micolash themselves as people like to say in the fandom! Really? Two people did ALL this amount of work? Took control of the village? Get a building for the School? Made a bunch of cages? Etc? Two people did all of this together??? Too much! So here we are. Damian became Micolash's right-hand man, which makes sense – he has been with him all his life. And I believe it was Damian that he left all the communication with the Yahar’gul elders, accepting new recruits (Hello, Edgar!), providing the School with food, water and all the necessities! (Damian started working as a manager. 7 days a week, 25 hours a day, salary - a kiss from Micolash, bonus - according to the situation y’know xD) Getting back to the serious narrative, I believe that in the School of Mensis Damian fully revealed his faith in Kos, and that's where his and Micolash's paths started to diverge. Katy mentioned that Micolash was the wrath of Kos. So I headcanon that Damian is her Love. If Micolash stubbornly went to his goal, not shunning cruelty, horrors, experiments and violence, Damian tried to minimize the victims, finding victims himself for Micolash’s experiments among the "scum" of Yahar’gul (I won't go into details about what kind of people they were. The worst kind, most likely. I trust Damian in his choice!), used force only where it was necessary, and saved the students of the School from the approaching madness. I'm sure there were a lot of recidivists and heretics among Micolash's followers, as well as the insane, so Damian had time to deal with them. He quickly gained a reputation as the "father" (or "mother") to all the students. (Even Edgar! I believe that after learning of Edgar's true origins, Damian did not try to eliminate him. Edgar was suffering too. And he felt sorry for him). Also, Damian invented the Mensis Cage. As a way to protect and keep Micolash safe.

The sunset of the School of Mensis. Caryll left back to the Church, feeling awful things to come. Micolash moved forward steadily. And gradually the children were drawn into his experiments.

Actually, Micolash started to go insane, but you couldn’t say that just seeing him or even knowing him as Damian knew. No, he changed in a term of his desire for knowledge and lost his last moral borders. He used kids and told to Damian his last project – to summon a Great One, using a cord and children, almost as Laurence did. Ritual could destroy almost erhh everything, and Micolash himself, but did Micolash really care? I don’t’ think so. He cared about mind more than about physical body and didn’t actually care about other people anymore, even a bit. (He is not evil despite all my telling. He just saw his goal too good. And couldn’t be stopped) This was the last straw for Damian. It was here that their conflict occurred, after which Damian left the School. Even though Micolash had changed a lot, losing his past self, it was still painful for him, even too much for his aching mind. So much so that he almost came to the state we find him in the game. He had literally lost his mind! And he was left without the only person he trusted (with his paranoia alone) and loved in his own way. Almost immediately afterward, Micolash throws all his energy into preparing for the Ritual. Yahar’gul people were dragged out of their houses, tied up and sent to "fuel" of Ritual by chaining them to chairs (including kids. Micolash used a trick to make them follow him using an arcane magic and voices from beyond that they could hear. So kids followed him «by their will» (no))

Damian was the one who reported everything to Rom, making his way to her through Choir and Yurie to try save Yharnam from Ritual, since Yahar’gul is already a lost cause. After that, the barrier sheltered Yahar’gul, hiding everything that had happened. (I didn’t mention how Edgar was left there, but it’s absolutely another topic, as I made a huge headcanon about it)

After a time, Damian returned to Yahar’gul. Almost nobody could do it, since Rom gave herself to shield Yahar’gul, but Damian had his way with some arcane tricks. He found what was left of the School of Mensis and found Edgar's corpse. As I wrote in the post about Eileen and Bloody Crow, Damian buried him, hoping his soul would find peace. And that's what helped Edgar finally TRULY die in Nightmare, which eased his suffering. Damian dared not do the same with Micolash’s corpse. Nor could he (Micolash wouldn’t like it as Damian knew) He wished to end all of Yharnam's suffering, so he helps the player all the way. But he couldn't raise a hand against someone who he loved. So all he did was light candles in the room where Micolash's body was left. And helped the player come to his goal. When the mummy of his dearest man stopped exuding sparks of soul presence, and the Nightmare was defeated by the Hunter, Damian was gone. I don't want to think how exactly, I've never considered suicide something romantic. But he died without waiting for the new dawn of Yharnam. After all, his purpose was fulfilled. And his love was waiting for him on the other side. (There is an interesting thought that Micolash is trapped within his dead body after Hunter defeats him. But I don’t like it. Micolash doesn’t need extra punishment. He is already punished by himself. He didn’t ascend and he knows it. He desperately calls to Kos and Great One of the sea doesn’t answer. He has lost everything already. I think he actually hates himself for a failure and for losing those who were dear to him. Maybe I am too romantic but even monsters have their own philosophy and feelings. Everybody needs love in their special way and Micolash is no exception. But he lost it. So let him rest in peace)

*cries*

Now I'll go through all the character relationships, charting them in more detail!

Micolash. Micolash in young age was a fairly innocent, but flighty young man, and quickly found an adventure during studying in Byrgenwerth, which Damian pulled him out of. That's how they met. (In detail, Micolash was trying to get the answers to an exam, but in addition to them he accidentally got the key to Willem's office. When he secretly got in there in the night, he was spotted by the local cleaning lady and Damian, the archivist. Damian covered Mico’s ass as he saw that all Micolash was interested in was not the Master's personal belongings, but his writings related to the exploration of the ancient catacombs. Micolash was so interested in Willem’s researches that sneaked in his cabinet just to READ. Such selflessness touched Damian, and he helped him out of the whole situation by taking the trouble to hide everything on himself). Gradually they grew closer, and Damian helped him in many ways on his life path, and Mikolash appreciated it very much, trying to respond in kind, but sincerely not understanding why so much kindness and affection for him. If we add the romantic side to it (hehehehe, well, I can't live without it), in my vision, Damian was a man that Micolash had his first time with, and with Laurence Mico had his first kiss, which happened on a bet, was very awkward and they didn't talk for a very long time afterwards (gay disaster). (Actually, I could write a separate post about who had a first kiss with who, what it was like and how it affected the formation of their personalities xD Forgive me for that!). All his life, Damian followed Micolash wherever he went, being his sort of "guardian angel", and Micolash trusted him with literally everything. Micolash was not the kind of person who would give all of himself to another. And often Micolash's behavior made Damian burn up, gave him headaches and tears at night. But our future mad scientist did his best to be better for Damian, scoping out a birthday present for him (and it was really hard, because Damian almost never talked about his own wishes), spending as much time with him as possible, and being affectionate (I believe Micolash is very tactile, so no matter how he feels about a person, he needs touch to express his emotions). I spike them so much that it's my personal canon, but that doesn't mean there aren't other pairings for me with Damian xdD

Damian: Babe you are about killing the entire town and yourself. Pls stop.

Micolash:

Rom. Their relationship has always been something of an oddity. They are both sympathetic, kind individuals. And Rom often found comfort during the Byrgenwerth years in Damian's hug. They never tried to cross the line and become something more, they had a sort of father-daughter bond. Rom may have liked him as a man, but Micolash quickly made it clear that this was his territory xD At one point Rom was the cause of intense jealousy on Micolash's part, and when he was jealous it was just awful (he was capable of almost anything). Although Damian did eventually make his choice towards Micolash, he and Rom maintained a good relationship and friendship. So in the days of Choir, as Rom grew up and became a strong medium and a confident woman, she and Damian found time to occasionally chat and exchange gossips. When Damian found his faith in Kos, they understood each other even better, for he too could Feel.

Caryll. Since Byrgenwerth, he's only made two friends - Damian and Rom. They (and Willem!!!) were the only ones who were unselfishly kind to him, and also never forgot his birthday. One day the two of them surprised him, preparing a gift, small cake, his favourite sweets and a tiny candle that they found specially for him. They made for him a really good evening just to make him a bit happier, which made Caryll cry then, a first time for him in years. As Caryll grew older, his visions and ability to read Runes became the most important discovery for the entire Church. So at one point, the fight for Caryll between Micolash and Laurence began. As I said, he couldn't stand them both! But Damian persuaded him to follow Micolash to the School of Mensis, for there he would find peace, quiet and solitude to continue his studies. So, on his own terms, Caryll ended up there, occasionally forcing Micolash to fulfill his little whims and chatting sweetly with Damian! In general, I believe that Caryll is an extremely caustic, witty and inventive person. So he often made Micolash do things he doesn't want to do - like carry him coffee xd And he had a strong friendship and respect with Damian. Just Caryll:

So he was always nice with Damian, call him «Damie» and asked him to move his wheelchair (as I headcanon that Caryll was stuck to his wheelchair since youth, then could stand due to healing blood and then used a wheelchair again because of his own decision not to use blood) around the room lol Caryll never understood why his friend would follow a madman and love him as well. And often made fun of it xd He left School of Mensis before the catastrophe, letting only Damian know about it and hoped that he will do the same.

Yurie. During the Byrgenwerth years, they were sort of rivals for Rom’s heart (according to Yurie. Damian didn't know that xdd), but when Yurie discovered that Damian's heart was occupied, she calmed down, and that also paved the way for a small friendship (of the two main simps. Brador was too far away back then to join them :^)). Damian was a librarian and archivist, as I said, and Yurie often visited him for advice or just to chat. She was always "grown up" compared to other students, and she was comfortable with Damian. I should also note that they could very well have been a couple. And would have been a great husband and wife together! But hard simping got in the way xd And to think, talking seriously… The range of emotions Yurie felt when Damian cames (albeit in the form of a phantom) to help the player with killing Rom can't be described in words.

Sir Gremia. I've recently discovered just HOW interesting is this character! I think their relationship started during the Tomb Prospectors years, when a blood mess was just beginning. And it started terribly well - their battle tactics were opposite, their outlook on life too. It was incredibly difficult for them to work together, with Gremia rushing forward and Damian waiting and attacking from afar. (they could help each other and complement, but they became sort of rivals – who is better) They both almost died like that if not one of other Tomb Prospectors who saved the two. It even came to a fight sometimes! They were basically like the cat and dog from the cartoons, which annoyed all others xD bitches be like:

When Damian changed after getting the vision, he became different, and now he was the one who was rescuing and pulling Gremia out of the clutches of death, which awakened Gremia's feelings. Gremia hid it, but he fell in love with Damian like the opposite of the opposite. Damian, on the other hand, was not only uninterested, but also extremely surprised. I headcanon Gremia as a VERY open, like "what I think is what I say" kind of person, so over time the arguments and fights turned into light flirting, teasing and compliments to Damian, which always went unrequited. (Actually, why not? The pairing is really good! And Gremia/Damian has taken up its place in my shipping heart. Their relationship could be something incredible, given Gremia's masculinity and Damian's masculine-feminine attitude and motherly care. I think Gremia would have seen him as a girl, generally having an interest more in women, and Damian would have had a hard time revealing his feminine side and his desire to BE protected rather than protect himself). When Damian quit the service, they severed their friendship and all that it had been. Gremia remained angry with him, for Damian had traded all their companionship of several years for Micolash, going into science rather than battle.

Laurence. Laurence and Damian rarely interacted openly (mostly Micolash was against it and prevented them from communicating in every possible way), but mutual respect was maintained by the one time when Damian stopped young Laurence and protected Rom from him (he punched him, when Laurence was too excited to leave her alone. Laurence was really angry back then, bur later realized that Damian did the right thing). Laurence would like to have someone as loyal as him by his side (I can just imagine him sitting at the window, like "I wish I had someone as loving and understanding!", and Brador in the background, "Am I a joke to you????", and you can hear Gehrman’s cursing from Hunter's Dream xD).

Eileen. They were good acquaintances, occasionally having a drink together. The thing that connected them was that they both dreamed of children, only Eileen had a little Crow, and Damian took care of the whole Mensis School and Micolash. A very warm, gentle understanding.

Edgar. I'm currently working on a fanfic on this topic! And rather than explain the whole biography of Edgar as I see it, I'll just say about him and Damian! I think Damian didn't immediately realize that the boy was a spy of Choir, it rather came to Micolash first. But by the time the truth was revealed, Damian had learned that Edgar was actually a child abandoned by everyone, forgotten by the Choir and surrounded by enemies, with no faith in heart. So do I headcanon that he "adopted" him? (You can go into the pairing here, and I like it, but I'm still more in favor of family relationship). Damian has finally found a pure soul, a child he can take care of. And that helped Edgar find himself, choose a path. But unfortunately, it didn't save him from his fate, because Mikolash ended up taking him for himself. Like a piece of property or even a toy. His and Damian's story together is a terribly sad one.....

Willem. Master of Byrgenwerth trusted Damian a lot, if only because he was an excellent judge of character and saw that he wouldn't deceive him even if he wanted to. Damian was his personal assistant, but no more, I mean Willem kept him away from his researches about the Great Ones until he decided to make public the information about what was found in Fishing Hamlet. Trust, respect, friendship, a little bit of everything. When Willem was alone in Byrgenwerth, and Damian and Yurie were around, Willem spoke to him. Only they were already incoherent sets of words that Damian couldn't understand.

Gehrman. Damian and Gehrman both befriended with the Byrgenwerth students, being noticeably older than them. Gehrman is not as sensitive, but is also very romantic like Damian, and I think they would have a lot in common. All in all, Micolash and Laurence could use them as their support while arguing xd I think that Damian could be a bit jealous that Gehrman has a young apprentice that adores him (and in my hc fell in love with her), because he also wanted someone who would adore him :^(

Maria. Maria would find him an interesting person I think, as in my hc she likes gentle and sensitive men, not only romantically but as good friends, because they are more comfortable to talk with. But in Research Hall era… Oh Kos, she could even try to kill him, and Damian couldn’t blame her for that. Damian was silent about Micolash and didn’t tell anyone, letting him to do everything he need with poor Adeline (I hc that Adeline didn’t mind because fell in love with Micolash BUT it’s another topic xd). Maria’s death was under a secret, that Laurence kept, and Damian knew too late, that she killed herself. Shock was awful.

Little headcanons!

- Damian loves citrus, and fruits and berries in general. His favorites are oranges and figs. Caravans from Loran could theoretically deliver some local goods to Yharnam once a month, and Damian would be a regular customer there!

- Damian creates coziness literally everywhere he finds himself. He loves luxury goods, a fireplace, beautiful kitchen appliances, jewelry looking like a rose and more!

- Micolash gave Damian his ring with the family monogram, all that was left from Micolash's mother. It was a gesture of trust and love, and also a small token for everyone else, because Micolash was extremely jealous. Mico be like (in any ship):

- Damian gave Edgar a sedative left with him in the Nightmare of Mensis.

- He and Gremia had crossed paths several times since Damian had left for the School of Mensis, and those encounters had not been pleasant! Damian had become too self-sufficient to feel guilty, and Gremia was still angry (but hinted that if the latter was suddenly alone, there was one willing to spend their last days together hdddd Sorryyyyyyy)

- When Micolash forgot that human like himself needs to wash, eat, and generally take a break from books, Damian would take care of it - shaving, cutting his hair, dressing him and so on.

Some local memes becuase iit is TOO funny. Imagine Gremia visiting therapist

Damian is a kind-hearted man, a gentle, warm person, in whose company almost anyone would enjoy being. He gave all of himself to Mikolash, and it almost killed him until he met Kos. After finding his goddess, Damian became stronger person. He began to appreciate and love himself. He became more solid in character. At the same time, his care became boundless, and he began to draw strength from it, rather than losing it by giving it to others. His weakness - his unending loyalty and his need for Micolash had played a cruel joke on him. His life could have been completely different - there were opportunities to be happy with someone else at every step, but he chose the path of his beloved. Damian had always dreamed of children. Wanted his own child, dreamed so much that he dreamed about it and woke up with tears on his eyes. Children in general were his greatest moral value. He had killed men and women, cut up flesh, experimented on his own while creating the Mensis Cage. But he could never do that to a child. Nor with Micolash, who had become both brother and child to him, and also lover – his only family. Perhaps he would have done more good for Yharnam if he had never met Micolash. But to give himself to him and spend his life that way was his complete choice (he could have been with any person around him! Almost everyone liked him!).

I didn't even think I would like him that much! xd But this is my favorite archetype. The protector, the guardian angel who gave all his good soul to one single person.

Thanks for reading whoever you are!! He became really important to me, my comfort character, so all my blah blah now here.

#mensis scholar damian #my art #bloodborne headcanons #LONGPOST #too many characters mentioned here I won't put in the tags them all #damicolash #My blorbo #How did he became my most fav? I didn't notice when it happened #Hope anyone who will read this will enjoy #gremia x damian #does this ship even exist??? does someone have fanart???

[jakowskis]

s2 time! i'm not gonna be as thorough with it as i was w s1 bc i'm not a huge fan of season 2 ff but here goes

(this post's gonna be tosh/owen + some fragments talk, then i'm gonna reblog with a day in the death stuff, and then ill make a separate post for adam bc. woo nelly. that one warrants it.)

so lets start with the tosh/owen differences. a lot of their little scenes in s2 are markedly different - mostly as far as body language. there's a surprising amount of physical affection between them.

four separate occasions (eps 3, 4, 8, and 9) where there's physical affection between them in the script that didn't make it into the episode. i find this intriguing. tosh and owen are both very... non-affectionate people. both of them could be, with someone they loved romantically, but they don't strike me as the type of people who like to cuddle with their friends. they're both naturally very aloof and non-touchy, which makes that casual physical touch very ooc. i imagine that's why it didn't end up on screen. i figure the writers here knew the show was meant to push the tosh/owen angle in s2, but it's interesting to me that it ended up being a lot more subtle and... awkward in the show itself. i've already said i'm not a towen fan, for many reasons, but one is that there's just... zero chemistry between them (in s2, anyway). every interaction is forced and uncomfortable. it's weird enough that i was thrown off by it for a long time and couldn't figure out what the show was trying to do with them, lmao. i know that their awkwardness probably appeals to some people, and is cute or smth, but i dislike it personally. mostly i'm just petty the show reduced tosh down to that relationship tbh but whatever.

i can't help but wonder if they had this casual physical affection with each other, and if it fit in and didn't feel ooc for them, if i would like them as a couple more. but honestly i have thought about what the show could've done to make tosh/owen endear me, and i don't think uncharacteristic physical affection would be it. i do like that first scene, the way their communication styles clash a bit and they don't know quite how to talk to each other. i like owen awkwardly trying to comfort her, i love when he does that, how it's like a baby deer walking for the first time fhsdjfkds. im very endeared by the way owen's empathy is either out of nowhere and all-consuming, or something he has to force and is awkward about wielding. whenever he tries to be kind it's very tentative, because it doesn't come natural to him (anymore, at least), but he does care enough to try. i'm so fond of it. also hes sooo nd ehehe. tosh too.

will say this: i do appreciate owen getting hugs. he does need it. tosh needs it too. if the team WAS physically affectionate with each other they'd be better off, i think.

two more tosh/owen things...

see, this is what i mean when i say i couldn't tell what the show was doing with them. the SHOW can't even tell. this whole scene is written very vaguely, with little insight into owen's head, like the damn writer doesn't even know why he finally agreed. this is probably my, like, fourth favorite tosh/owen scene, which isn't saying much, 'cause i still don't really like it. it's cute in like, three spots, but mostly it just feels... weird. i don't understand what burn was intending with his acting choices, because owen comes across as insincere and slightly snide. it's weird and gross, and it rubs me wrong. i don't know if he's trying to be casual and play it cool or something, but the way he laughs at her makes me wanna punch him. the way owen treats tosh is just about the only place i legitimately can't stand him.

one last bit about it. see, 'fondly'. in the actual scene, i would describe the way owen looks at her in this moment as.... amused (at her expense) and slightly condescending. like he thinks she's laughable. it fucking bothers me. which sucks because i wanna like them, i do. i think they could be compatible. but the way he treats her in canon is nauseating and i can't get behind it.

right, and then two fragments moments i wanna discuss

all i really wanna say here is again (as mentioned in my end of days talk), chibnall didn't specify owen crying or anything, but he spends his whole segment of this ep in tears. point is i wanna thank burn gorman for the way owen constantly is teary eyed and miserable, with those big pretty brown doe eyes of his. it means the world to me. thats all

actually it's not all cuz i also wanna point out jack grabbing owen to stop him instead of owen collapsing into tears and sobbing into jacks chest while jack holds him. the dead man walking script similarly didn't specify the physical touch between jack and owen in the three places it appears, so i imagine that was largely something decided by the actors... i'm very compelled by the three separate instances where we see owen attack jack one minute / at one point in the ep and then sob in his arms the next. their relationship is sooo unhealthy fff

#borderline girlie of all time truly #mine

[nandysparadox]

strawberry ice cream and rescue missions

Pairing: romantic royality; mentioned brotherly moxiety and platonic logicality

Word count: 2311

cw: emotional hurt/comfort; light angst; insecurity; overworking; mentioned unsupportive parents

Summary:

Roman is worried he'll never make it onto stage after all. Patton is worried about his next test.

or

Two times Patton and Roman comforted each other

---

fic for day 2 of @royalityweek!! ill have to admit i may have strayed from the prompt a little bit, but im happy with how this turned out ❤️🩵😊 this is part of the same verse as my previous royality week fics, but can be read separately (ill make a masterpost soon!)

huge thanks to @ivaryn0 for beta-reading!

prompt: family/friendship

Hmm. Should he get more chocolate? Patton wondered, squinting at the lines of chocolate bars that filled the shelves in the sweets aisle. He couldn’t remember if there was still some in the fridge…

Well, he ate chocolate fast, might as well. He picked up a few kit-kats and dropped them in the basket when a ring sounded from his phone. He checked the screen, switching to the messaging app immediately when he saw it was Roman.

just got off work

do you wanna come over?

He blinked. Roman could be spontaneous with plans sometimes, but generally, Patton was the one to host the spur-of-the-moment movie nights between the two of them.

In any case, it's not like he was planning to do anything other than scroll on his phone after he got home. Hanging out with Roman would definitely be a plus.

sure sweetie!😊💖 im at the grocery store rn, do you want me to pick up something for u??

The typing bubble popped up, and it stayed there for about a minute. Patton tilted his head.

ice cream

…

please

Oh. Oh, something was wrong for sure.

A good ol’ ice cream tub was Roman’s go-to when he was feeling down, and that’d certainly explain why he asked to hang out out of nowhere. He couldn’t tell exactly what happened, nothing good for sure, but now he was on a mission.

Operation “cheer up boyfriend” initiated!

Luckily, the ice cream aisle was close to the checkout counter. Patton rummaged around the freezer for strawberry cheesecake, Roman’s favorite, and got three pints for good measure. Of course, making sure to get a bottle of chocolate syrup while in line. After that, it was just a matter of driving to Roman’s apartment.

He might’ve rushed up the stairs a bit too much and his knees definitely paid the price, but darn it he was worried!

He double-checked the apartment number and moved to open the door. Faint music came from behind it, Taylor Swift’s…All Too Well? Oh boy.

“I brought the ice cream, Ro!” Patton said as he entered. Immediately, his eyes flitted to Roman in the middle of the couch. Blankets swaddled him to the point that Patton could barely make out his face. But as he got closer, he saw the tear tracks that trailed down to his chin.

“Oh love,” Patton said, feeling his heart ache at the sight. “Hold on, let me grab you a spoon, ok?”

By the time he was back, Roman hadn’t moved an inch. Patton sat next to him, cracking open the ice cream and plopping the spoon into it.

Roman then proceeded to take the pint and eat it with a ferocity that was kind of impressive.

“…Thanks,” Roman muttered.

“Of course, Ro,” Patton smiled, putting a hand on Roman’s knee, in what he hoped to be a comforting way. “Do you wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, it’s— it’s dumb,” Roman replied, wrapping his arms around his middle. “I’m being dramatic.”

“It’s not dumb, Ro, not if it’s upsetting you.”

Roman sighed. “The cast list for this season’s show came out.”

“Oh, sweetie…”

“Ensemble. Again!” Roman cried, doing mock jazz hands. “I know, I know, I should be grateful I’m in the show at all, and ensemble’s no easy feat of course, but I just thought…”

Roman hunched his shoulders up and let his hands fall into his lap.

“I thought this was going to be the time.”

“I’m so sorry you didn’t get the part you wanted, honey,” Patton said, leaning into Roman’s side. “I’m sure you did your best.”

“I’m starting to think my best just isn’t enough,” Roman let out a hollow laugh. “You know, every time, I tell myself it’s gonna happen, this is gonna be my big break… Maybe it’s just never gonna happen.”

Patton watched helplessly as Roman wound a hand into his hair, pulling. His face twisted in misery. Patton couldn’t bear to see it, the hope crumbling from Roman’s eyes.

“Maybe I’m just gonna be serving milkshakes and cheesecake in a 50s-themed diner for the rest of my life,” he said, bitter. “Great, my parents were right. I’ll never be anyone at all.”

“Don’t say that, Roman,” Patton said firmly. He surprised himself with the sternness in his voice, but he stood by it — he wouldn’t just let Roman be so cruel to himself. “They’re wrong. Of course you’re enough, honey, please don’t let others convince you you’re not, be it your parents or anyone else.”

Roman hummed and something in Patton’s chest twisted at the disbelief in his eyes.

“Ro, listen to me,” Patton pleaded, taking Roman’s hands and squeezing them. “You’re incredible. You’re passionate, and witty, and creative, and dazzling, and none of that hinges on you having the lead role in a show. It doesn’t matter if you’re a waiter, or a superstar, you don't need to measure up to anyone's idea of success.”

Patton smiled, letting go of Roman’s hands to cup his face and brush his thumb across the high of his cheekbone. “You're you. That's enough.” He paused, touching his forehead to Roman's. “You know I love you, right?”

Roman went silent, and with each second that passed Patton got more worried he might’ve said the wrong thing. But then, all of a sudden, he wrapped Patton in a tight hug.

“I love you too,” replied Roman, a quiet chuckle on his lips. Patton hugged him back, crossing his arms over Roman’s back.

When they finally pulled apart, Roman wiped at his eyes, smiling. “You always know what to say, don’t you?”

“Maybe not always,” Patton shrugged. “But I’m sure good at turning around gloomy days! How about I pick up more ice cream and we put on some Disney movies?”

Roman laughed in response, and Patton was so glad to hear it.

Roman sighed as he leaned his forehead against the door, raising his fist to knock for about the third time. Of course, getting into Patton’s apartment hadn’t been the hard part — his roommate was just as worried about him as Roman himself.

The real problem would be getting him to actually leave his desk and put a pause on studying.

“I’m taking a break soon, Logan, don’t worry!” Soon came Patton’s cheerful voice through the door. By the unprompted nature of the comment, he must’ve repeated this line many times before and Roman would guess he’d actually done as he said about… zero of them. “Do you need anything?”

Other options exhausted, Roman supposed he’d just have to go for it.

“Only for you to emerge from your fortress of darkness, my dear,” he said, opening the door.

Fortress of darkness indeed. The laptop screen, about the only source of light in the room, cast a blue tint on the books and papers thrown around the desk. Mugs and cups piled around a forgotten corner of the nightstand. At least the window was open, so Patton must’ve gotten some sunlight in the afternoon.

“…Roman?” Patton squinted at him and tilted his head, swiveling his chair around to face him. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m on a mission, darling,” Roman declared, bowing. Hopefully, his dramatics would help win Patton over. “ Recruited by your dearest brother himself… and your roomie was kind enough to let me in.”

“Logan,” Patton grumbled, then shot Roman a look of disbelief, eyebrows raised. “Hold on, Virgil sent you?”

Roman strode over to him, tilting Patton’s chin up and gently brushing his raven hair out of his glasses. Dark circles shadowed his eyes, and he looked as if he might fall over with a single touch. Roman bit his lip, when had Patton last slept? That wasn’t like him — he barely stayed up late, even on weekends.

“Darling, you haven’t texted your brother in three days. And you know how he gets when he’s worried.” Roman fake shivered, pulling a little giggle out of the other. “When I asked how you were doing this morning, you just sent me a thumbs-up emoji. And Logan says you haven’t come out of here either.”

“I— just,” Patton looked down. “I really need to study, okay? I have a test in a week, and I still have to review the three last units, and memorize all these names—”

“And don’t you think you’ll do better if you give your brain a chance to rest?” Roman raised an eyebrow. “C’mon, you’re taking a nap.”

“What? I can’t, Roman I’m so behind—” Patton protested as Roman pulled him from the chair and herded him towards the bed.

“So you don’t want to cuddle your poor suffering boyfriend?” Roman gave him an exaggerated pout, knowing the other wouldn’t be able to resist it. “Jail for Patton, jail for Patton for one thousand years!”

“Don’t be mean,” Patton whined. He glanced at their entwined hands, sighed, and climbed onto the bed grumbling.

They cuddled for about a minute, and Roman would be lying to say he hadn’t thoroughly enjoyed the fact that his boyfriend wore his favorite sweater. You’d think it was a bit plain, just a simple gray affair, but only if you hadn’t touched it — by Jove, it was like angels themselves knit the thing. Though soon enough, Patton disentangled himself from Roman’s arms, much to his displeasure, and sent a conflicted glance to his desk. Roman groaned.

“Ro, I need to study, I’m sorry.”

“Patton, be serious with me,” Roman said, crossing his arms. “You really think you are fit to study right now? You look like you’ll drop if the wind blows too hard.”

“But—”

“C’mon, darling,” He cupped Patton’s cheek, looking directly into his red-rimmed eyes. “You know better than to overwork yourself. I thought we’d skipped the workaholic college student phase when you were an undergrad.”

“That’s the thing, Ro,” Patton huffed, sounding terribly small. He dug his nails into the comforter, leaning away from Roman's hand. “I'm not an undergrad anymore. I can't coast by. If I want to be a vet, I can't just-”

He clicked his mouth shut, pulling his knees up to his chest.

“Hey,” Roman reached out again, but he only curled up further. He paused. Pinpricks of tears formed in the corner of Patton’s eyes and he looked so, so tired. It just about killed Roman to see him so upset. “C’mon, what’s going on?”

“I failed the last test,” Patton muttered, hiding his face in the crook of his arms. “If I don’t do well on this one, there won’t be extra credit that’ll save my grade. I can’t fail this class I can’t—”

“Oh, darling,” Roman crooned, as he gently wrapped the other into a hug. “It’s okay.”

Patton sniffled into Roman's shoulder.

“You’ve never “coasted by”. Don’t punish yourself for struggling,” Roman said, tracing circles onto his back. “Some classes can be tough, that’s okay. No shame in needing to put more effort into learning a subject, you just need to remember you can work hard and still take care of yourself.”

“…What if I’m just not cut out for this?” Patton whispered.

“What? Darling, look at me,” Roman pulled away, then took Patton’s hands with his own. “You’re one of the smartest, most compassionate people I know. I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll be a great veterinarian.” He smiled. “Nay, the greatest!”

Patton huffed a laugh and leaned into Roman’s shoulder.

Roman pressed a small kiss into his hair. “You’ll get through this, I know it. There can’t be a victory without some challenge after all,” he said, “But you better not overwork yourself again, mister, or I swear I’ll bully you into some self-care.”

“I’m sure you will.”

Sneaking a hand around his back, Roman pulled Patton down abruptly and flopped him onto the bed, drawing a fit of giggles from him.

“Don’t test me,” he smirked.

Patton let out an airy laugh. “Alright, alright.”

They fell into silence as Roman picked up a pillow from the foot of the bed and lay down. Patton had taken to fidgeting with the sleeves of his blue jumper, quiet as he unraveled a bit of loose thread.

“Vet school is really something,” he finally said.

“Not like you expected?”

“I don't know,” Patton admitted. “I just feel… out of place? Everyone here seems so well-adjusted and driven, but I still feel like I’m bumbling.”

“Is there such a thing as well-adjusted university students?” Roman snorted. “This is a new thing for you, dear, only natural you’ll need some time to get used to it.”

“As long as it doesn’t take too long,” sighed Patton.

“You’re doing great, Pat, trust me,” Roman reached over to ruffle his hair, grinning when Patton pouted adorably and batted his hand away.

“You’re too cute, I’m sorry,” Roman said, stifling a chuckle. Patton crossed his arms. “You know I love you, right?”

Instantly, Patton’s face softened — a pretty blush tinted his cheeks and he smiled bashfully. “I love you too, honey.”

“Man, if I knew I could persuade by flirting I'd have done it much earlier.” Roman teased, raising his hands when he saw the look he got in response. “Okay, okay, I give. So, how about that nap?”

Patton opened his mouth to respond but cut himself with a wide yawn before he could.

“Yeah, I think that’s answer enough.”

Wrapping his arms around Patton's waist, Roman pulled the covers over them and, after whispering goodnight, planted a kiss on his hair. For someone who’d claimed he could go right back to studying with no problem, Patton fell asleep rather quickly — five minutes barely passed and he was already snoring softly. Roman shook his head in amusement. Poor thing sure was exhausted. He snaked his hand around to grab his phone and snapped a photo to send to Virgil.

Mission accomplished.

---

A/N: this takes place about 1-2 years after they met in milkshakes and checkered diners - Patton is in his 1st year of the Veterinary Medicine program, while Roman has been out of college for a year-ish and working on that particular community theater since his senior year of collegeyes he's freaking out about never making it one year into his career 😆 he's a bit of a drama queen but we love him

#sanders sides #roman sanders #patton sanders #royality #royalityweek2023

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

This is a vent, but I hope someone else relates so I feel a little less alone.

I feel like because of me being aro it contributes to my inability to imagine a happy and healthy relationship. Yeah, I’m grayro and do experience romantic attraction (rarely), but I still feel very disconnected from romantic love. Every time I fantasize about being in a relationship that’s on a Corny First Love type level, it always ends in despair and heartbreak. It’s like whenever I even think about a happy and healthy relationship some random thing comes out of nowhere and shoots the thought down. When I read romance books (which is also rare), it has to include some sort of heartbreak or either has to end in heartbreak; there’s no happy ending to it. Whenever I consume any media with romance (fictional, I don’t wish heartbreak on real people in genuine relationships), I can only imagine it all ending in heartbreak. There’s so many more examples but I hope you get my point.

I think part of it is mental illness as well. My mental health gets in the way of maintaining relationships and has messed with my ability to imagine healthy relationships. But I know being aro also contributes to it because even during my stable times, I still can only imagine heartbreak when it comes to relationships. I cannot imagine loving someone in such a peaceful way in real life. It only exists in my thoughts but even my thoughts become warped after a while. I’m too disconnected from romantic love to the point that I can only imagine it ending somehow.

Yeah, mental illness could definitely be a factor. One thing that could be a big factor too is how do you feel about romance in general, Anon? If it's something you do really want, then being aro could be creating a barrier, it could also be hard for you to imagine it before you actually experience it. Sometimes it's hard to imagine something is possible before actually experiencing it. But it might be worth taking the time to try and imagine it as possible, even if it's just telling yourself it is possible if you want it.

If you're not interested in a romantic relationship, it could be your aro-ness subconsciously warning you. Or maybe it's the part of romance you find interesting or want to explore more, in which case it's probably not a problem. Breakups are generally interesting, especially to explore through fiction.

I definitely agree though about aro-ness creating a disconnect, I know I personally feel very disconnected from the idea of me and romance. It's just very 'does not compute'. It's definitely interesting.

All the best, Anon!

[alyjojo]

April 🌻 2023 Monthly - Pisces

Whole of your energy: 2 Cups

You have a lot of love for someone that you’re holding back because someone has hurt you, or someone is holding back from you because you’ve hurt them, either or. Seems like a family member, it’s possible it’s a same sex connection for some. 4444 or any variation of that could mean something for you in this situation. 4’s are about stability, this seems to relate to communication and the home. Someone may be going through an illness or a tough time and you haven’t spoken to them, so you’re hurt by this and just never started back up again. Or that’s switched. You could be getting an apology. Your meditation was a cute fat panda 🐼 sitting in a room, eating a stalk of bamboo. He was fine with me rummaging around the room, looking in drawers for what this reading is about. He was fine when I left too. You seem to be accepting of things coming and going, it’s not affecting you or what you’ve got going on right now. It’s all fine. With that energy, it could be this other person that’s hurt by your lack of…care? Pisces doesn’t care? What. Strange energy for you. Or it’s possible you just have no idea & aren’t even paying attention, bamboo is delicious 🤔

What’s going on in April:

Queen of Pentacles:

Clarified by the matching King, reversed, and carrying a very heavy burden. Assuming this person is the other one, could be a Virgo, they’ve gone through a lot of hardship they aren’t speaking about. Or if they’re not speaking, that’s why, they’ve got a lot on their plate. This could be a single parent, someone that’s lost a job, maybe a spouse or partner, they’re handling all of the details of their life but there’s a feeling of “just barely”. You don’t seem to know about any of this with 8 Swords, they don’t talk to you at all or about that.

8 Swords:

This is an energy of feeling helpless, trapped, unable to move in any direction. It’s a victim mentality, and they may have been a victim of something, 4 Swords is a time out after 3 Swords, a very heartbreaking situation. If they’ve lost a relationship then it’s due to some outside thing they had no control over, or that’s how they feel. Possibly a 3rd party. So the whole time they’ve gone through this, healed from this, there was no real communication between you. Probably makes the relationship more difficult when they inevitably come back around - Judgement to follow, because in those sort of circumstances, people change a lot. They have & you have.

Judgement:

This person will be making a comeback, 10 Pentacles can show a business being the reason if they were at a distance. This can also show family. They want to have a solid and stable relationship with you again, and Knight of Cups can show them taking kind or even romantic action towards you, being very loving, taking you out & inviting you places. Seemingly out of nowhere. If this is romantic, your person had to end something else first, but now they’re coming towards you trying to have something stable. New Start.

Queen of Cups:

I assume this is you, you’re not interested in competing with anyone for anything, and it’s something you worry about with this person, whether they have other options and take you seriously. 10 Pentacles would suggest so, but then again going from zero contact to 10 Pentacles is kinda much kinda soon. Some people do that, they just know. Temperance here shows you’re more like…slow down. Have patience. We’ll see. You’re the panda chewing on your bamboo when this person rushes in all…let’s get married, go out, move to Taiwan tomorrow, whatever this is they’re doing. You’re unmoved by it. You DO worry about getting too involved too fast, because you’re a naturally loving person, have probably been taken advantage of before just being Pisces, and you’re skeptical of the situation, or them, but do care about them.

Page of Cups:

I can’t tell if this is them or you. There is a message, flirtations, good news, something small offered. Out of nowhere 💯 They rush in and get you all riled up and then rush back out again, this could be a routine at this point with this person, you seem to trust them as far as you could throw them. Or you expect this. That’s why you’re unmoved. Even being skeptical though, I clarified where is this going, and pulled Ace of Cups. That’s a New Start, which you have here, and all of your oracles are very positive. It’s safe to love a little, but yes take your time. They can prove it.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Libra, Cancer, Leo, Gemini, Virgo & Sag

Oracles: ✨

31 Communication

- The clarity, interactivity, and timing of communications is critical.

66. New Start

- Sometimes we must realize that what we have done needs to be discarded and we must make a new start.

44 Home 🏡

This card represents a homecoming of the soul, of finding your tribe, of coming home. The situation you are inquiring about has the potential to be a homecoming - a safe and secure place that both nourishes you and facilitates your growth, whether it be a school, a relationship, a job, or truly a home. Go for it! All paths lead home. Home doesn’t have to be where you grow up; family doesn’t always mean the people of your birth family. Look at an expanded meaning. Family are people who share the same core values and path. Home can mean a place you have yet to visit or experience, but once there, it feeds your soul in a way that gives you no doubt you are home. Alternately, find your safe place. This is where the answers you seek will be found.

We enter into April as:

Sun Sparkler 🎇:

“Integrity is what turns on the light.”

Sun Sparkler reminds us that it is through kindness to others and being of service that we are abundant. Are you living your life as fully as you can? Are you being honest and kind to others? Do you hold the door open for people on the elevator, or let it close? Do you let people merge over in traffic, or pretend not to see them? When we put a blinder on one area of life, it creates the same blind spot in every area. You can’t shut out pain without shutting out pleasure too. Sun Sparkler reminds you of the miracle of honesty, it leads to integrity. You may have done work for another but do not expect a reward, revel in alignment with Spirit, self-esteem is the gift. You’ve been elevated to a new level spiritually, continue to serve others and life will prosper beyond your wildest dreams.

What is to be learned in April: You have two

Princess of Amber 👸🏽:

“I quietly sizzle and shine.”

You are connecting with your passion. It is time to focus on the task at hand and not divert your attention. If you are being of service to others, you will reap great rewards. This is a sign of great abundance with selflessness. Put your eye on the work and not the rewards. You’re also being urged to stand up for what you believe in. If you are being asked to compromise yourself, you must not. You are correct to feel passionate about your position, you know intuitively what a fair request is. When your intentions are good and true, you will always land with two feet on the ground. You may be up against pretty big odds, but you mustn’t give in to what you know is not correct. Others see your worth, it’s time for you to, and have faith that you are doing the right thing.

Salmon Chairs 🌷

“Come sit in my chair and feel my love”.

People, places and events are being drawn to you beyond your wildest imagination. Aim higher, for you will draw even greater experiences into your life. It is time to step up to the next level. All “things” are energy and will be drawn to you when you allow your energy to grow. The Salmon Chairs is being brought to you as a gift, to raise your faith and self esteem. It is a gentle and profound change in the way one relates to themselves, and the world. We create the life we feel we deserve. Often we feel we must do something to prepare, yet Salmon Chairs says “Stay in the light of truth, meditate, and relax - if you drink in the light and allow spiritual wealth, you will be surrounded by material wealth.” This is about subtle action, and receiving is an action. You are being told to sit still and receive the bounty that is coming to you. Salmon Chairs can also signify a love relationship in the wings, it’s your choice to receive it. It may also be a present relationship that’s moving to the next level, both spiritually and physically.

Salmon/Amber may be lucky colors 🧡🤎💗

#pisces tarot reading #monthly reading #april 2023 #Pisces #tarot #tarotblr #astroblr #free readings #monthly tarot

[coffeeheartaddict2]

This Life (8/13) A question of principles

Book: Open Heart (book 1)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x Casey Valentine

Warnings: ***trigger Warning- this series deals with addiction and abandonment- reader discretion advised****

Language, sexual references, mentions of character death

Rating: Mature

Summary: Ethan’s secret is exposed, Miami. These events make Ethan question more deeply some of his most deep seated principles.

Disclaimer: Characters, plot points and dialogues (actual and paraphrased) belong to Pixelberry.

🫀🧠🫀🧠🫀🧠🫀🧠🫀🧠

The competition was now happening. The only intern I care about is Casey and she nearly lost a patient. She tracks me down to give me an update. I tell her she is lucky that she has another chance. I then ask her if she will help me test out the FMRI machine. I did not know what questions to expect but when she asked me about attending/resident relationships, I told her that the attending is to teach and that any romantic entanglements is from neurochemical responses due to heightened stress and regular exposure. A part of me does, has to believe it if I am being honest with myself but there is something about Casey I know that is different, she could never be an arrangement like I had with Harper but long term, surely not. We finish up and we head back to work. I eventually get Naveen in and take his scans. I hear that Casey’s patient has a cacophony of things go wrong but handles the situation so much better. I congratulate her and leave. She hands me the scan and I can see she is curious. I say nothing. No one knows that I am treating Naveen and I need it to stay that way.

The competition is running. The other attendings give daily ratings and I post the ratings weekly and it is just giving me more work to do. Casey is improving weekly which I am pleased about but she is the only person I am caring about in this goddamn competition. Naveen has me worried. He is now in sepsis and Panacea have been researching new treatments but I am getting nowhere and it is frustrating. It is meaning having to go to the medical symposium. Already I am filled with dread. Declan Nash.I have managed to keep panacea out, and I want them out. Hopefully I can get what I need without compromising the team.

I thought he was doing a great job of not being discovered but I am wrong. I look up from Naveen and I see a shocked Casey. I go out and I ask her not to tell anyone. She tells me that if she wants me to keep it secret she needs to know fully what the secret is. I am torn. Can I trust anyone like this again but it appears I am left with little choice. I know I should not be inviting her over to my house but where to discuss this. It was the only place that I knew we would be truly alone. The time comes. The only thing that I am concerned about is whether I can keep it as professional as possible. The intercom buzzes and I let Casey in. My brain is a jumble of thoughts, Casey makes a comment about the view and all I do is quickly dismiss it by stating I am rarely here to enjoy it and hope that covers the thoughts of impropriety that are running through my mind. I offer her a glass of wine, and internally chastise myself. “You wanted this to be professional then what are you doing?”

Casey allows me be in control of the timing for the evening. I tell her how Naveen had become unwell and how at the beginning it appeared to be a seasonal illness until it was not. The forgetfulness, the body not doing what it should, kidney issues. When it got too hard to hide, he quit. I persuaded him to let me treat him in secret but I keep coming up empty. She puts her hand on my knee, I do not flinch but muster all the will power to not take it further. We discuss the case, as the evening goes on I feel lighter, unburdened. She assures me I am no longer alone in this. She leaves. I switch to scotch. “I am no longer alone.” The phrase hits me. I know that she is talking about the secret of me treating Naveen but given the death of Delores, everything with Naveen and the changed dynamic with Harper, I had never felt more alone. Then my thoughts go to her hand on my knee and my lack of removing it. Am I that starved for physical touch? Then my mind goes to our interactions. Could I be getting feelings for her of more than professional? No, I tell myself. It is just a neurochemical response from heightened stress I tell myself. Then I remember the tingle in my arm on that first day and I knew that there was no way that was neurochemical. My thoughts then go to our roles and how much of a hypocrite I am. I ended the arrangement with Harper as she was now my superior but here I was entertaining the thought of a relationship with a subordinate. All I knew is that I had someone to help with Naveen and someone who appeared to be someone I could trust. I head to bed, I then masturbate to the thoughts of what I wanted to do to Casey. I wait for the regret and cycle of self loathing but tonight it does not come, tonight there is a feeling of peace and I have the best night sleep I have had in a long time.

A few days later I see Casey. She said it felt good to do what it takes. I also know that she has kept my secret about treating Naveen. Which is of great relief but also comforting knowing that I am not alone anymore. I squeeze her arm affectionately, congratulating her on her win but also for keeping my secret. It was a gesture of appreciation on the surface but I knew it had a deeper meaning and then I spotted Harper. She had to have seen it and I was proved right a mere hour later when she confronted me about my feelings for Dr Valentine. I deny it, even though I know I am lying. There are feelings that I am denying but I have too. In a bid to prove Harper wrong I assign Casey a challenging patient. She is affronted and I do not blame her, the accusation that I was punishing her for knowing about Naveen hurt but I did not want to tell her I was proving a point that I was not favouring her in any way. To my relief she figures out the situation with Mr Platt. I tear him a new one when Casey figures it out. The disrespect he showed Casey and myself was not called for. I was glad that she did not give up despite wanting too and I hoped it showed her that all our patients no matter how rude deserved our due diligence.

The competition goes on. I swear the interns get more and more rabid each week and each week Casey is improving. I try to keep the work she is doing with me in secret out of the competition standings but I can tell that the secret patient is helping her with all her others and her professional confidence is sky high. I can tell Naveen is enjoying the extra company also. He is getting a knowing glint in his eye however. I ignore it. My mind does drift to getting Casey to go with me to the conference in Miami. I still had not heard and I was hoping someone who was not me would be able to get the information I wanted. I was also reluctant to leave Naveen but I had to do this. The results for the week were due the day before I flew out. I was hoping Casey would be number one but even if she was not, she certainly was the most improved intern and surely that needed rewarding. The results are out and Casey is on top, I am proud of her and relieved. I know she has worked hard within the hospital and deserved it. I then announce that Casey will be coming with me to the conference. Harper is shocked and annoyed. I then state that it will give Casey good insight into the industry and also it would be easier if I took her then hiring an assistant for the duration. The reality though starts to sink in. We have enjoyed a great working relationship which has translated into her results of late but the line is blurring and the feelings I have are getting harder to ignore, no matter how much I tell myself I am imagining them or that she is my subordinate. I know it will be a test of my fortitude, one that I have to pass if I am to continue to be a good mentor to her.

Conference time and it does not take long for people to want me. I send Casey to get us checked in and I am shocked that we have one room. We have to make it work. I tell her I will happily take the couch. I then feel bad for using her to get the information I want as we head to the floor and I can see the disappointment when she questions me if she is truly the top intern. I tell her it is genuine, I would have come up with another reason for her to come. She thankfully agrees but state she is only doing this for Naveen. I stay out of sight but close to hear what is happening. It frustrates me that Declan cottoned onto me being involved but I am not surprised. Casey is apologetic but I do not blame her. It is not her fault that Declan still holds a grudge against me for embarrassing him in public. We head to our suite. Instead of celebrating we would be commiserating. After shoving all thoughts of impropriety deep they head to the reception. We part ways early. Something I am thankful for. I engage some of the doctors in some insipid small talk. I eventually find my way to a poker table and I do not know what to feel seeing Casey there. I can see she is making a play for the information but I can see her struggle to come up with some terms. I refuse to let her sacrifice herself for the cause so I step in to take Casey’s place. I know I will regret this but I offer Declan what he has always wanted. The right to conduct medical research on developmental drugs and using the team as a vehicle in that. The game is tense and I have 4 kings, a hand that I know is a winning one but do I lie and say he is winning? He said he would give me the information but me besting him so publicly would make it difficult to get what I require. I decided lying is the risk I need to take and it paid off. He was looking smug but gave me what I wanted. I knew I had a panacea sized problem I needed to solve and I knew that if Naveen found out I would not hear the end of it but he was worth it. We head back to the room and the balcony. The beverages we had at the reception and the bottle of wine I ordered were lowering my inhibitions and god Casey was looking more gorgeous than ever. Before I know it I am kissing Casey and she reciprocates. We stay at the railing and continue, my hands could not get enough of her and her breast was more supple than I ever imagined. She heads into the bed and I follow. All the thoughts of what I wanted to do to her running wild but then the cycle of reasons not to kick in as I crossed the threshold. I do badly want to ignore it but I know I could not go back to being just an intern and attending if I continued. Casey is hurt and I do not blame her but I can not be responsible for ruining her career before it begins. She is hurt and so am I. After she has gone to bed I have a shower, even an icy cold blast does not kill my erection. The session is intense and the guilt and self loathing returns.

To say things are awkward is an understatement. Even Naveen has picked up on the change of dynamics. Neither of us tell him what happened or didn’t happen in Miami but something tells me he somehow knows just by looking at us. The sepsis treatment appears to be working but then he coughs up blood and we have to do some lab work. Casey confronts me about us. She wishes I stop lying to myself. I know I am but I have too. I know she is being the subject of malicious gossip and sabotage but I can not pursue what I want with her. If I do, the rumours will be worse, given her position in the competition. I know the achievements are hers and hers alone. We continue to work but it is hard.

I am dirty with myself for Casey and now for getting Panacea into the hospital. The deal with the devil was necessary but now their appeared to be no way out. I witness something that did not look right and it involved Casey. She assures me that everything is fine and I do not need to worry. I do, however.

I do not give it a second thought until we all hear that our long time patient Mrs Martinez died in Argentina and that the family are bringing the body back for a full autopsy. She tracks me down in the cafeteria. She tells me everything. On one level I was proud of her but also saddened as she could potentially be throwing away all that she worked hard for. I take her to the opera. I am awaiting some test results for Naveen but it appears I am not getting them tonight. I narrate the opera for her. I can see that she sees the same parallels I see. I upturn my hand to meet hers and our fingers intertwine. I chastise myself briefly, but her hand in mine just feels so right. The opera ends and she is emotional. She kisses me. I kiss back and pull away. “Us, it is complicated.” I knew I was lying, us could not happen, it is unethical, she is my subordinate and winning the competition, a relationship with me would tarnish all that she has worked for and she did not deserve that.

“Well for me it is not.” I should rebuke her but I want to kiss her again one last time. So that is what I do. The house lights come on and we break the kiss. We go our separate ways home. I know if I took her we would end up at mine and as much as I wanted her up against my windows writhing in sheer ecstasy, it could and would not happen. Instead I drink to stop the thought. Naveen is getting worse, Delores and if an investigation is called for what happened with Mrs Martinez I know Casey could end up gone. The common thread is me. I am a poisoned chalice, I know Delores decided to wait with the baby but I was still involved, Naveen dying and Casey. Then I look back on all the relationships that I have cared about with someone, Estelle, Tobias, Harper, Naveen, Delores, Casey, Louise. They all have one thing in common.Me. In that moment I am alone, more alone than when I was when Louise walked out, it is now that I concede that I am unworthy, unloveable and as much as it was painful, that I was better off alone. I scream then cry and fall into a troubled sleep, the images of a torn Casey taunting me in my dreams.

The next day comes and my worst suspicions with Casey and Naveen are confirmed. The latest round of tests show that Naveen only has a month to live. I know he will not want to stay and I could not feel like any more than a failure. Casey is also being investigated, well the whole group but I know she will be hard pushed for anything fair, given how much of the ethics committee is in the back pocket of Panacea and Declan.

The test results shake me a lot, I know Casey needs me as her mentor but I have failed her too and she does not need to be tarnished by any association with me so I do what I do best and shut her out.

I put off telling Naveen but I know I have too. Casey tracks me down and comes with me. It is harrowing but somehow it is easier with her there. I give Naveen the news. He is not disappointed in me, he knows I gave it my all. It does not make me feel better. He does what I knew he would do and leaves. Me and Casey see him out. Everyone he sees is surprised to see him. We make our way out front. He says goodbye to myself first, giving me a big hug and bids farewell to Casey. We watch him catch the bus. Casey kisses me softly. I return the kiss and kiss down her neck into I burrow my face into the crook of her neck. At that moment I knew what I would do next. We separate and head in. Harper sees us and raises an eyebrow and then asks if it was true about Naveen. I say “He is gone and so am I” as I rip my badge off and hand it to her. Harper is shocked and Casey runs after me and tries to block my exit. She sais she needs me, as well as others but I tell her I am not the doctor she thinks I am. I am holding back tears at this point, I shake my head, let go of her hand and leave. I know I was cruel to her but I was right, she deserved better than me, in every sense of the word.

Authors note: this was hard as I have covered some of this are from Ethan and Casey and trying not to repeat myself too much. Same with the next few chapters to an extent. For those who have read this far thank you

Tagging: @jerzwriter @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @liaromancewriter @potionsprefect @tessa-liam @cariantha @binny1985 @schnitzelbutterfingers @a-crepusculo @bex-la-get @crazy-loca-blog

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

#open heart #ethan ramsey #choices fanfic writers creations #fotw #this life #book 1 #casey valentine #naveen banerji #choices #oph fanfiction

[chihirolovebot]

1 5 & 10 for sleep awake!!!! i must know especially the first one

OKAY LETS GO. i talk a bit abt mental health and depression in the first one btw so if u dont want to hear abt that i beg u scroll.

one — what inspired you to write the fic this way?

god. i mean. the actual answer is that i am severely mentally ill. and like kind of in a funny haha way but kind of actually also and im not medicated for adhd or depression at the moment either. it was basically a combination of not being able to get danganronpa out of my actual head, like, seriously this is the longest hyperfixation i have ever had to the point where im considering it just a special interest instead. like, reader insert and escapism has always been my way of interacting with media i was a fan of, since i was like SIX i was imagining myself into winx club and scooby doo and it literally has just never changed. PLUS i thought it would be a good way to explore a lot of the characters i wasn't familiar with, like kirumi, tenko, and kokichi himself. and then another big part of it was i just. wanted a story where someone like me got to go on the journey i wanted to go on, the one i am currently going on. like, the main theme of wanting to live and realising your life has value didn't come from nowhere, it's stuff that i need to hear and learn for myself. and honestly it has helped, a lot, so yk sometimes therapy can be writing a 300k danganronpa reader insert fanfic. sorry this was probably a bit of a deeper answer than u were expecting but it is the simple truth.

five — what part was the hardest to write?

it shouldn't come as a surprise, but definitely chapter three. all of that had me pulling my actual hair out trying to make everything connect and make sense and even as i was writing the trial i was like god. i've forgotten something. this is paced awfully. i've created a plot hole. everyone's going to hate it. the first trial and making the reader look super guilty for rantaro's murder was also super difficult, probably just because it was the first time i did it and didn't really know how to lay all the groundwork yet; i vividly remember having to write the trial chapter and the investigation chapters alongside each other so i could keep the truth bullets and the testimoniest concurrent and consistent. like, i would figure out something that had to be brought up during the trial and immediately go and write it in the investigation, and keep going. it was pretty exhausting.

ten — why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

it's kinda interesting actually. the story didn't start out with the vision of, i want to do a kokichi/reader. actually right up until i published it was like, okay. i want there to be a romantic interest, but i also do want people to like. read it. so i should do one of the more popular characters, which left me with kaito, shuichi and kokichi. i eliminated kaito kinda early on because i wanted the love interest to coincide with reader's journey on learning to want to live, and i thought the storyline would be too repetetive of what kaito did for shuichi and maki. so i was flipping between shuichi and kokichi right up until i published the first chapter. weirdly, i think shuichi might have been a more conventionally suited love interest to the reader's journey, as he goes on a pretty similar one himself. in the end, though, that's exactly why i went with kokichi, for the contrast and the unconventionality of it. i thought it would be more of a challenge. it would definitely be nice to read about shuichi and reader growing and healing together but, like, i saw the potential for a much more complex story and themes with kokichi, ones that i was more interested in exploring.

#these were very fun to muse on!!! love my baby fic so much #🌙; ask games #🏚.sleep awake #<3.kodzus #tw mental health #tw depression #tw depression mention #depression mention

[warriors-rewritten-chaos]

Major Arc 4 Changes/General Summary

The Arc That Made Me Stop Reading Warriors (Because I Thought The Story Was Over)

Oh how wrong I was...

So Hollyleaf is probably dead, which means the Three are now Two. This is a problem for everyone, but mostly for StarClan, who somehow can’t see in the tunnels to know if she’s still kickin’. So the Council of A-holes (as dubbed by the constantly exasperated and outraged Yellowfang) makes a decision: just make a new Third Cat. Yellowfang tries in vain to stop them: “Look, if the DF is training living cats to fight, why can’t we do that but for the good guys, why do we have to put the fate of everything on some poor kits every single damn time” and the Council just says “How do you keep finding our secret meetings”. Tallstar looks away slightly when they ask and tries to hold his laughter, but no one notices

So Dovekit and Ivykit are born. While Ivykit seems to be perfectly healthy and fine, Dovekit has... problems. Lots of problems. She’s sensitive to literally everything: gets sick at the drop of a hat, can’t stand any sound louder than a whisper, and just being downwind of the Medicine Den makes her feel ill from the smell of herbs and sickness that permeate the air. Ivykit becomes her sister’s devoted protector, but even she can’t protect her sister from Destiny Bullcrap

The two become apprentices, with Jayfeather and Lionblaze keeping an eye on Dovekit because of her extreme sensitivity. Ivypaw realizes he isn't entirely a molly and comes out as bigender. Ivypaw continues to protect her sister but is sidelined entirely once Dovepaw is officially revealed to be the New Third Prophecy Cat and is taken to stop a drought. He is not okay with this. Muddyhollow and Tigerstar take notice of his jealousy and Ivypaw starts her Dark Forest training. Dovepaw and the ShadowClan Warrior Goldenheart begin to have a secret romantic-friendship thing. Unbeknownst to Dovepaw, Goldenheart also trains in the Dark Forest with Ivypaw. After seeing how good Ivypaw is at fighting, Goldenheart dreads the day that Ivypaw finds out that Goldenheart is romantically involved with Dovepaw

A tree falls in the ThunderClan camp. It would've crushed Briarpaw to bits, but Mistlefur sacrifices her life to save the young apprentice. However, she isn't able to completely push Briarpaw out of the way and Briarpaw’s hind legs are crushed by the tree and she becomes paralyzed. While Snowflight mourns the death of his sister, Millie mourns what she believes is her daughter’s ability to have an independent life. Sensing the negative emotional effect it’s having on Briarpaw, who is already upset due to the loss of her legs, Jayfeather tells Millie to shut up and stop the pity party. “Your daughter is paralyzed, not dead! Do you think Longtail became less of a Warrior after he was blinded, or I’m any less of a Medicine Cat because I can’t see? Is Snowflight inferior to the other Hunters because he can’t hear?” No, no, and no again. “Then why is Briarpaw any different? She may not be a Warrior the way you picture it, but she’s going to have a long, fulfilling life doing something that makes her happy just the same.”

Briarpaw is still depressed, but feels a bit better with Jayfeather and Longtail helping her out. Longtail is especially helpful, as his circumstances were similar to Briarpaw’s once upon a time, and as such he can empathize with her and help her come into her own and her life. Briarpaw eventually becomes a Warden and earns the Warrior Name Briarlight alongside her siblings when they receive theirs, but we’ll get to them soon

Millie is still a bit overly doting on Briarpaw, but nowhere near as bad as canon. Blossompaw still thinks her parents love Briarpaw and her older step-siblings and nephews more than her, despite all evidence being that they love her just the same. This is partly due to being an angsty teen, and partly because the Dark Forest has already gotten their claws into her and have started manipulating her to hate the Clans. Bumblepaw develops a crush on Dovepaw, which she isn't sure if she reciprocates or not. He’s a little bit creepy and obsessive about it...

After Lionblaze accidentally kills Russetfur in the battle against ShadowClan, Blackstar names Rowanclaw as the new Deputy. Rowanclaw is only Deputy for a few days before they realize that they cannot put up with Blackstar’s crap and step down for the sake of their mental health. Tawnypelt, having been mentored by Blackstar after her first mentor and father Tigerstar died, is able to deal with him just fine and remains Deputy permanently

Dovepaw and Goldenheart become even closer. In ThunderClan, Cinderheart, Icecloud, and Lionblaze start to have serious talks about their relationship. When Cinderheart starts to be afraid that the three of them can’t be together because of Lionblaze’s destiny and powers, Lionblaze counters with “remember my grandpa?” because everybody knows that Firestar was like the OG Prophecy Cat and he has three whole mates and it’s fine. Cinderheart is still a little insecure about it, while Icecloud is concerned that the Prophecy might end in Lionblaze’s death, so nothing’s fixed, but it’s a little better than it was

Ivypaw gets lost while Dark Forest training and meets two spirits who seem to be hiding from the others. She asks them what they’re doing, and they introduce themselves as Frecklepelt and Snowtuft. They tell Ivypaw that he needs to get out while he still can, and that the Dark Forest’s intentions are not as noble as “helping Warriors train and the Clans become stronger”. But Ivypaw doesn't listen and continues training, although she doesn't tell her Dark Forest mentors about the two almost kind spirit cats or their warning. Ivypaw regrets the decision, however, when his father Birchfall, another unwitting Dark Forest trainee, is killed during training by the WindClan Warrior Antpelt. And Antpelt is praised for doing it. And Ivypaw sees the entire thing happen from start to finish. She kills Antpelt in a fit of vengeance-fueled rage and is praised and fawned over by Muddyhollow and Tigerstar, who are just so proud of Ivypaw and how far he’s come...

When Ivypaw wakes up, he vomits and cries uncontrollably. Even more so once it is confirmed that Birchfall has apparently died in his sleep. And that in WindClan, Antpelt has as well. But Ivypaw knows what really happened to them both. She can’t be quiet anymore. He tells his sister, Lionblaze, and Jayfeather the whole truth and becomes a spy in the Dark Forest for the Clans. He also enlists the assistance of the two friendly Dark Forest spirits he’d met prior, Frecklepelt and Snowtuft, to try and show the other trainees what is really happening and try to get them out of there. The operation begins!

Meanwhile, Jayfeather and Flametail of ShadowClan go out on the ice together to play a game to lighten the mood. Flametail suddenly falls through the ice and Jayfeather fights desperately to save him, not wanting to lose another friend. However, Rock intervenes, since it is Flametail’s destiny and time to go, much to Jayfeather’s rage. Dawnpelt, having come looking for her brother and seeing the broken ice and flailing limbs and bodies underneath, drags Jayfeather out of the water alone as he begs her to let him go, he has to save Flametail! Dawnpelt tells him that she doesn't see Flametail’s body and they both collapse sobbing on one another as they mourn his tragic passing. Jayfeather wonders aloud if it’s possible to kill fate. Dawnpelt responds that if he ever finds a way to do so, she’d like to help. Jayfeather is not accused of murder because Dawnpelt knows he didn't kill her brother and defends him from the accusations and the two become friends

Jayfeather begins to have visions of the future of the Clans, and it does not look good for them. Meanwhile in the Lunar Feles, Stoneteller’s successor is chosen. Jayfeather receives a vision from Lady Half Moon, showing him the tunnels and that Hollyleaf is still alive down in them. She is accompanied by a ghost of an Ancient named Fallen Leaves. Jayfeather begs to be shown a way to get to her, to see her again and tell her to come back, but is instead shown an eclipse...

As heralded by Jayfeather’s vision, Sol shows up again and tries to manipulate Onestar and WindClan into attacking ThunderClan this time around. It doesn't work, mostly because the Clan cats all remember Sol making ShadowClan implode on itself and attempting to destroy the Clans. Also, Hollyleaf emerges from the tunnels to beat him up and drive him off for good. She is tackled by her entire family who are overjoyed to see her again. Leafpool and Squirrelflight forgive her and apologize for their past actions, and Hollyleaf apologizes for hers

Also, Dovewing, Ivystrike, and the rest of the apprentices earn their Warrior Names

So now there’s Four Prophecy Cats. But it’s best not to get too cozy, because the Dark Forest has been working in the shadows and is preparing one final strike to destroy the Clans for good (minus SkyClan because they don't know about them). While some Dark Forest apprentices have been converted back to the Clans’ side, they cannot stop training or reveal this, because they will be killed for their betrayal (as seen with Beetlewhisker of RiverClan when he tries to leave). As Dovewing starts to grow closer with Bumblestripe, Bumblestripe is revealed to be receiving advice from a Dark Forest cat... But it’s “offstage”, so to speak, so none of the canon characters know this is happening, only the readers do. Wonder how this is gonna turn out...

The final battle begins. Birchfall’s spirit is seen with StarClan, as he was a good cat who was duped into his role and Snowtuft and Frecklepelt snuck him out of the Dark Forest and into StarClan before he could be forced to become a Dark Forest spirit. Speaking of the two of them, they are unable to join the Clans in the final battle out of the risk of retaliation by the other Dark Forest cats. While Dark Forest and StarClan cats cannot be killed in their respective domains, simply reforming if anything happens to them there, they are able to be destroyed for good if they are killed in the mortal realm once more. This happens to many Dark Forest and StarClan cats over the course of the fight

Brightheart’s body chooses the exact worse time to start kitting and she goes into labor during the battle. A group of Dark Forest cats attacks ThunderClan’s Nursery upon hearing her cries. Snowflight, Dustpelt, and Ferncloud make the decision to lay down their lives to protect the monarchs and their kits. They rise as StarClan spirits and keep on fighting

Longtail and Mousefur are also killed in the battle but reanimate. Longtail, Lynxswift, the now adult StarClan version of Swiftpaw (now Swiftfire), Cinderspark, Mistlefur, Speckletail, Smallears, Lionheart, and Goldenflower all square up and the whole family joins the brawl together. Purdy and Mousefur join in too, with Purdy being asked about his heart condition and if he’s okay to fight, and he says that today is as good a day as any to die

Leafpool is saved from being killed by Mapleshade (who goes after her because she thinks they are alike) by a trio of StarClan cats who tell her to run and that they’ll handle their mother. She doesn't see any of those cats, including Mapleshade, again for the rest of the battle

Brokenstar is battled by Ratscar, Swampbloom, and Oakfur, the last three surviving apprentices from his reign in ShadowClan. Yellowfang and the adult StarClan versions of the kits and apprentices Brokenstar killed show up to help take him down for good

Mudclaw, still as stupid and reckless in death as he was in life, goes after both Onestar and Tallstar at the same time and obviously loses the two-on-one battle

Thistleclaw’s spirit is torn to shreds by Snowflower, Bluestar, and Spottedleaf, who all work together to end him

Muddyhollow squares off against Ivystrike. She nearly kills him before being accosted by Darkheart, Brambleflower, and Hollyleaf. She is overwhelmed but manages to escape, vowing her revenge. And getting a fatal blow on Hollyleaf, who dies in the embrace of her mother, aunt, and siblings who all rush to her side when Jayfeather senses her dying

Finally, we have Firestar versus Tigerstar. Good versus evil. They fight fiercely, but since Firestar is mortal, his body tires while Tigerstar’s doesn't. As Tigerstar stands gloating over Firestar, he is stopped from killing him by a harsh blow to the back from... another Dark Forest cat? Wait, is that? Yep, its Scourge, who upon his death ended up in the Afterlife. While he wouldn't normally have cared about the Clans dying (and would really have been quite happy about it), he wasn't going to let Tigerstar be happy ever (and was also pissed that he was still around in any way shape or form). He deals a few more blows to Tiger and leaves, telling Firestar to finish this properly. And Firestar does, but it takes the last of his strength. While he dies, he names Brambleflower his successor (at some point in this arc Brackenfur steps down from the Deputy position because he doesn't want to be Leader and Brambleflower is chosen as the new one). He ascends to StarClan surrounded by his family

The Clans say goodbye to their fallen friends as they go to StarClan and decide to put the Dark Forest trainees on probation instead of just executing or exiling them thanks to Ivystrike’s efforts

And that’s where the story of Firestar ends...

#scourge is one of my favorite characters in warriors #of course he had to show up again #also I was inspired by theanoninyourinbox's longstar/brightstar au to make frecklepelt and snowtuft more prominently involved in the story #who is the DF cat talking to Bumblestripe? you'll see in a later arc... #Warrior Cats #warrior cats rewrite #timeline #plot changes

[anaknglard]

I'm drunk.

To celebrate my birthday.

I'm 19 now, damn, I feel so old now... I mean I can drink legally! I can go clubbing! I can...

Do things.

This reminds me of when I first went clubbing in pinas. I remember getting so shitfaced all I knew how to say was "I miss ****"... the security even told me to shut the fuck up.

I don't blame them.

I remember thinking after that... if ever I were to get drunk with you or go clubbing with you, I'd always be by your side.

Alot of the stereotypes of being drunk is that you'd become flirty with other men. Fuck that. If anything, I'd get even more affectionate towards you. I imagined that, that day. I imagined that on my birthday, we'd go to a bar together, or a club. I'd buy you earplugs because Lord knows how much your hearing is declining. We'd drink, get drunk, and make out on the dance floor.

Haha.... maybe I'm too delusional now.

I understand why a lot of people develop addictions to this now.

It numbs the pain. It makes you forget everything and just holds you in limbo til you wake up the next morning. A throbbing, stabbing pain in your head that serves as a harrowing reminder that your problems are still in your life.

I get it. Maybe that's what I've been doing the past couple of weeks.

Trying to forget.

That's all I've known, haven't I? I mean, come on. Trust. Every single time you reminisce, it kills you. It brings you pain that that person isn't there with you anymore.

but that's okay.

You've been telling yourself that, right?

Maybe if you say it enough times it'll come to fruition.

And fuck all, I know for a fact in writing this you're reminiscing. Hell, I know that you're reminiscing about that one time you and him spent time at your dorm.

Stop it.

It hurts, doesn't it?

Fuck.

When I'm alone, I've always considered myself to have two personalities. Not separate enough for a mental illness, but separate enough for me to rationalize them both.

I'm writing this in the serious, blunt personality one. The other one is much more childish and playful. A hopeless romantic. A delusional one.

In real life, I'd like to say I'm a great blend of both. A dash of delusion, anxiety and cynicism, but a big helping of enthusiasm, eagerness and love.

Love.

Damn, didn't think 4 letters could twist my throat in ways I could never imagine. I can't even find myself swallowing my saliva now, the 4 letters finding itself to be too large to swallow.

Love... huh?

I'm... drunk.

I like it that way.

I remember the time I held you at the bus stop, telling you that I'd do anything to have you again. I'd do everything.

I still would.

That's my blunt self talking.

Not the delusional one. Although I know alot of your friends call you that too. Alot of mine do as well.

I don't give a fuck.

Whether it be the delusional or the blunt one, both of us are set on something.

The blunt one less enthusiastic about it, since it takes into account all the pain that we've been through.

It's okay, though.

That's what makes us so similar, you and I.

Yes, you and I.

We've gone through alot for the people we love. And we are willing to go through alot for the people that we love. That's just innate, isn't it?

But every single time... it just hurts even more. When will it be enough? When will the pain stop..

And love start?

Is it a love for each other? A love for ourselves?

Maybe both is needed.

This fucking doesn't make any sense.

Fuck.

You swear alot when you're drunk, huh?

Not you.

Me.

Fuck.

One small part of me wishes that you'll wish me a happy birthday when my birthday comes this Tuesday. I don't plan on telling anyone it's my birthday because I hate celebrating my birthday. It's so awkward when people wish me happy birthday out of nowhere. I hate when there are days just dedicated to me. Let me just live. Alone. I'm working on my birthday though. Ugh.

But I don't mind birthday wishes if they're from you.

I don't mind anything, if its from you.

Shut the fuck up.

Fuck you.

No, I'm saying that to myself. Not you.

I don't know what to say.

It's 12:30 am on a school night and I am sitting in front of my finished lab report, exhausted.

I dread looking at your social media.

I dread seeing anything that suggests that you might be seeing someone else.

Last time I did that... God.

I can't think about it now.

I'm always going to be here for you.

If your heart aches, let me be the one to cradle it.

If your mind is tired, let me be the bed in which it relaxes.

If the world lets you down, let me be the hand to pick you back up.

If everyone seems to be against you, let me be your sole ally to go against them with you.

It's us... against the world.

Shut the fuck up. You drunk, poetic, clingy fuck.

I typed cringy but it autocorrected to clingy. That's correct too.

Who knew a message about a cafe date would turn out this way?

I don't give a fuck what anyone says anymore.

I need to sleep.

Sleep helps me delude even more.

Maybe I'll dream of you. I've been dreaming of you consistently over the past few weeks.

In what context?

Me holding you. Me coming over to your house and watching RuPauls Drag Race together. Us having a cafe date. Us walking the same path I used to follow on February 14, but in a softer, much more gentle loving context.

I'd hug you, and I'd nuzzle my head into your neck. Your cheek brushes against my hair.

"A bit scratchy, but you love it".

And even though smell doesn't exist in dreams, I'd smell so hard that pinch of your value village smell comes through.

I always referred to value village as being home-like.

You smell like home.

You feel like home.

Your face... with them pimples. Hahaahahahhahaha.

But I love it.

And I love you.

Ain't no fuckign way I just shed a tear typing that last shit out.

But I mean it.

Fuck.

Imma cry.

Fuck this.

Drunk and crying?

Fuck.

I love you.

I miss you.

And I'd do alot to get you back in my arms again. (From my last diary entry.)

Til next time, my love.

Formerly,

your Nick.

[aroace-cat-lady]

hi

i have been questioning myself for the past days after a talk with some of my queer friends. and honestly i don’t know what to do about it, i don’t feel comfortable with talking to them until i am sure about my feelings about being in the aromantic spectrum.

i have never thought about it honestly because i didn’t even knew about aromantic until last week. i guess the hardest part for me it’s that even tho i am 22 and have plenty opportunities to date and even have sex, i have never did any of those. i have sexual feelings and feel sexual atrattion, but i have been questioning about having romantic feelings.

i like romance, i like romantic books, movies and songs, but every time romance stand in my way I run away from it… at first I thought “well it’s clearly trauma cause I don’t want to end up like my mom” but honestly it doesn’t makes sense since I do believe that love it’s real and you can find someone who actually respect you.

i had crushes before but now that I think about i think i only truly like one person in my life, and honestly i think he is the only person who i would be actually able to have a relationship with, even if I don’t have a close friendship with him anymore. the lasts two times i became close to actually date people i ran away in the moment it became too real for me, and the funny thing it’s: i honestly thought I was in love with one of them only to literally switch to feel nothing out of nowhere.

it’s just always feels like being in love it’s not something that it’s in my true plans… sometimes I do feel I would like to get married and find someone to spend my life with but it’s just so specific?? I think way more about having someone who’s a friend first by my side, a companion in hard days, the romantic side just comes with the important stuff to me.

I do feel I like the idea of being in love, it’s just hard for me and I feel like if I am going to be in a relationship it’s going to take a lot of effort from the man who wants to be with me… and I don’t see it happening…

Am I wrong to feel I am in the spectrum? Is there someone who feels something close to what I am feeling?

Well, first of all: I know how hard it is to write this kind of stuff into the ask box of Random Tumbler User™ (been there done that, actually) so thank you for trusting me with it.

Second: you don't need to figure it out right away. This is not a mortal illness that will kill you if you don't discovered it in time. It's about your identity, a beautiful part of your person. You can take all the time you need, even if you feel that you need to know right this second. It's okay not to be sure.

And third: I'm literally no one to tell you how you can label yourself. Again, sexually is not a disease: I can't tell you Oh, you have x symptoms and x signs so you are x sexuality. Unfortunately, that's not how it works.

But, against whatever internet culture is saying these days, you can label yourself even if you are not 100% sure. Actually, the aspec communities promote this a Lot™. Labels are just a name we put to a part of us that we feel is important to put a name to. Not everyone does it, and not everyone gets it right the first few times. One of my favorite "philosophies" of the aspec community is that you can use a label as long as you feel comfortable with it. Gatekeeping labels is not something we usually do. Thinking you might be x but turning out you were actually y it's not a bad thing. It means you got to know yourself better and got to see parts of you you wouldn't have seen otherwise.

Do I think you might be aro? Well, it doesn't matter in the end what I think, only you can decide if you want to call yourself an aromantic person. And I'm sorry I can't give you a straight answer, I know how frustrating it's. But if you decide to join our community, we'll be glad to have you.

Aromanticism and asexuality are particularly hard to figure out cuz ppl usually don't know what they are. Or have misconceptions of it. Or have an ideology that tells them that it's wrong not to have these feelings. At least to me, it was hard to accept myself for who I was because of these.

Well anon, again, Im sorry I couldn't give you a better answer. I hope this helps you at least a little bit, and that you don't beat yourself too hard with this.

#anon

[ohiomomof2]

In Need Of Advice <3

TW: Triggers

Being in this and other BPD groups have made me finally sit back and try to figure out my exact triggers.. heres a little back story:

I was technically diagnosed about 7 ½ - 8 years ago with having Bipolar and was put on medications that honestly did nothing for me. I have always, my entire life, felt like there was something off/wrong that wasn’t right at all and literally my life has never made sense at all. Then about a year ago that I was scrolling through tik tok and came across a video for BPD and I kept watching videos just like it, then I downloaded BPD books on my kindle and I looked up on google everything there was to know about the illness.. It was then, that my life and my emotions and how I acted and felt made TOTAL SENSE. So I immediately called up my psych doctor and told him and my counsoler that I had been misdiagnosed and that it was actually Borderline. And how my life has been and with my luck, it would be me that would get this extremely serious and devastating mental illness. So I joined all these groups on Facebook and never felt so relieved that theres a lot more people like me out there.

Well with being on these groups I have finally sat back and attempted to figure out my triggers, and heres what I come up with. When my significant other isn’t lovey, clingy or romantic… that throws me into a whirlwind of emotions, as this is something I have to have in my relationships. When someone yells at me or is starting/trying to start an argument with me is another HUGE trigger…. I literally spend every single minute of every day DWELLING on doing everything right so that my FP (my soon to be husband) doesn’t come home yelling and arguing… which never happens… I have tried to sit there and get him to understand these triggers and have asked hin if he could change (as hes asked me to change a bunch of stuff about myself and I did with absolutely no argument, immediately wheh he asked) and I RARELY ever ask him for anything… But when I asked for this, He said I ask for to much and im never going to be happy, After explaining to him MULTIPLE times what I needed from him to be happy (yes im extremely dependent on him) and when I go to set boundaries and put my foot down, he gets ignorant, to the point were I just tell him to forget everything I said, and I drop the issue, which NEVEER gets solved.

I love this man more then anything in this world. Hes an amazing hardworking man, but ive come to the conclusion that hes not built for relationships. I honestly don’t want to leave him at all, as I have nowhere to even go because i gave up my home to be here with him (this isn’t the only reason but its 1) I have wanted to be with this man since 2008 and since its finally my turn (and rarely with how my life goes, I usually never get what I want) I don’t want or wont let anything come between us..

My question here is.. How do I set boundaries and stick to them, and not feel like total crap for being ignorant or rude towards him , which Ive never treated him badly or disrespectfully ever. And how do I not cave in when he starts to get an attitude and get ignorant and smart when I do so.. Im convinced hes a narcissist. But he denies it all…

Any advice would be great…. And please no comments telling me to leave or what not. As im not to that point yet.. I just need help trying to figure out how I can force him to change just the littlest things I asked, which aren’t complicated at all.

#actually borderline #bpd feels #mentally unstable #emotionally drained

[adeliniel]

SFW alphabet | Boromir

It’s already weekends! Hope y’all are doing great and planning to have a perfect days off! I got ill and last days were really awfull. But things are getting better now and I hope to fully recover soon. Btw, I bring you another piece of LOTR fluff today^^ Please, enjoy!

Let me dedicate it to @cedricsseventeen who wrote me very kind comments and made me really hapy^^ Hope you’ll like it!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

He is the affection himself. If he loves you, why should he hide it from the world? Boromir is proud to love a woman like you, so he will show it everywhere to everyone. Holding his hand around your waist or shoulders, kissing your crown, smiling every time you look at him - everything makes him happy. 

B = Body (Their favorite body part of their partner, why? Do they like touch?)  

Waist, thighs, shoulders... Something intimate, something that is hidden from others eyes, something only he can touch. Light touch of his fingers that makes you shiver really drives him crazy. The power and fragility of the moment when there are only two of you.

C = Courtship (What do they do to take your attention?)

Boromir does everything for you to notice him. Being loud and showing his strength in every appropriate and not so way. Appearing from nowhere and initiating awkward talks about everything. Always looks out of the corner of his eye whether you're watching him or not, just to be sure he can show you his best. 

D = Domestic (Are they the type to settle down with you? Are they willing to help with chores? What is your daily routine with them?)

Boromir loves not an ephemeral feeling of being home, but a real place - Gondor and Minas-Tirith. So he would do anything for his home to become yours. He is a good master in his house, so he definitely helps you with household chores, and he might be quite good at cooking.  

E = Espousal (Do they want to marry you eventually? Who proposes to who?)

Yes, yes and yes. He undoubtedly wants to marry you. Maybe he doesn't look like that, but Boromir will never be a man who'd dishonor you. So he would delay as many intimate things as possible for the moment when you'd be his spouse. And he wants this moment to come sooner. 

F = Fragile (How protective are they of you? If they are, how do they show this?)

He cares, but prefers to stand and watch how you manage with your problems ready to intervene at any time things get worse. He doesn't want you to feel pressed by his authority and power (and he really enjoys bragging about his wife - how clever and powerful you are).  

G = Gifts (What type of gifts do they give their s/o? Do they like receiving gifts?)

Boromir is not really into gifts, most of them he does as excuses for some things he messed up. And he never forgets about important days such as birthdays or anniversaries, and there yes, he'll do his best to find an ideal gift.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Boromir is quite a tactile guy, so he loves hugs in every way possible. Morning sleepy hugs, night desperate hugs, quickie hugs during the day, passionate, tired and many other types of hugs. When he hugs you the world stops and he could finally have a rest, so sometimes cuddles could last hours. Yet you never complain.     

I = Intimacy (How romantic are they? Do they have problems with intimacy?)

Surprisingly enough Boromir is very romantic. He knows how to create a special moment for the both of you, where no one could disturb you. He knows how to say the words of love (murmurs them right into your ear so soft and teasingly), how to hold your hand and hug you (with his strong arms) so you lose your mind. 

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He is not usually jealous, because you knew each other for a long time before becoming a couple. So he has no doubt that you love him and stay by his side not by accident. Yet sometimes some men make him nervous, and not because he doesn't trust you, but because they are too insistent. He is really afraid that you could be fooled and deceived and then suffer from it. 

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Despite the fact that he looks so overconfident and seems to be quite a passionate lover, his kisses are very gentle and soft. He starts with a light touch to your lips, usually smiling, waiting for you to reciprocate. Boromir mostly never kisses you passionately, but will gladly respond if you initiate. Also he likes to kiss your hands - holds them, caresses your soft skin, kisses every finger with all the love he can express.   

L = Love language (What’s their love language?)

Words of affirmation. Tell him you love him and he'll do everything for you, tell him you love him very much - he'll do even more. Is addicted to praise, especially sincere, and prefere the easiest way to obtain it - words. He knows that he is great and so on, but it feels different when you say it, looking at him with your eyes full of love and adoration. Would die for every such moment. Twice.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He wakes up first but does not wait for you to wake up whenever you want. He would hug you tight and pepper your face with barely perceptible kisses. And will definitely smile when you start grumbling unhappily. 

N = Nicknames (What do they call you? What do you call them?)

In some mood you call him something like "My Lord" or "My King" and he always laughs on it, responding with "My Queen" or "My Lady". Once or twice you heard that in front of his friends he calls you "My beloved", but he never confesses.

O = Overture (How did everything start?)

It didn't actually start normally. You knew each other for a very long time, it could even be said you were friends. You felt like you were flirting with each other for some last months. And once Boromir came back from one of his military campaigns, barely alive, saw you and just hugged you very tight. Lately he confessed that couldn't imagine dying without revealing his real feelings towards you.   

P = Pace (Are they fast-paced in a relationship? Or do they like to take things slow?)

He may hurry at some points, but mostly he will not rush things. He wants everything to go step by step and he wants to fully enjoy every period of your relationship. 

Q = Queen/King (Who takes the initiative in relationships?)

He'd like to be the one who takes the initiative, cause it makes him feel more relevant and active, more responsible. It's not that Boromir forbids you to be active or bring new ideas, but you notice that he is full of joy when there is an opportunity to show you how much he cares.

R = Remembrance (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Trite, but first sex is something that engraved in his memory. The moment of such intimacy that could never be repeated. It means a world for Boromir being so close, almost one body, with someone he loves that much, understanding that you trust him so deeply to be ready to lie underneath him unarmed and so vulnerable. 

S = Salvage (What issues does this relationship help him to cope with?)

His urgent need to always be the best. Be the best son, best brother, best commander, best lover... Every day you prove to him that he should not be ideal 24/7. That there is no such necessity to carry you in his arms and bring you breakfast in bed every morning. And that sometimes you also want to care for him. 

T = Tiny (How are they around children?)

He really adores children. Of course he wants his own child, and not only one. Having a big loving family is one of Boromir's biggest wishes. He'd already planned everything, including his daughter's future wedding.

U = Ulterior (What’s their secret?)

Sometimes he pretends that he still feels pain after being wounded just for you to care for him a little longer. Of course, every time you discover it you get really mad, but he does it again and again.

V = Vulnerable (How long until they can be vulnerable around their s/o? What are they like in this state?)

It takes a lot for him to put off his mask of masculinity and heroism and show that he could be tired, sandy and even weak sometimes. Boromir will hold on for as long as he can, but one day he breaks, crying in your arms, hating himself for this weakness and couldn't help it.  

W = Wound (How do they feel about exposing their scars/injuries?)

He is proud of his scars because it proves that he is a great (even the best) warrior. Despite knowing it makes you sad he likes it when you, sullen and angry,  bandage his fresh wounds. But when you finish his treatment you always leave one light kiss on top of bandages and another one on his forehead, and you can swear that sometimes you hear Boromir murmurs. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon about your relationship)

He likes braiding your hair. He does it very badly and almost all the braids look messy and poor, but he tries very hard and looks so focused that you can't deny yourself the pleasure of watching it.

Y = Yearning (How well do they cope when their SO isn’t with them?)

He can find himself something to do and will definitely not just sit and yearn. He knows that you will be safe, he is just sure. And when you come back he'll smile smugly and hug you, whispering "I knew you could handle it".

Z = Zzz (How are nights spent with them?)

No matter how much he wants to sleep hugging you, sooner or later he ends up in a starfish position (at best). At worst he puts his heavy legs and arms at you, and even crawling to the edge of the bed does not help - Boromir will find you everywhere. Yet he is always warm enough, so it is quite useful in winters.

Thanks for reading! You can find more of my writings right here

#lotr #lord of the rings #lotr x y/n #lotr x reader #lotr x you #boromir #boromir x oc #boromir x you #boromir x y/n #boromir x reader #boromir son of denethor #boromir fluff #boromir headcanons #boromir imagine