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eldritch-thrumming · 1 year

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part one part two part three part four part five AO3

“I will love you no matter where you go and who you see. I will love you if you don’t marry me. I will love you if you marry someone else and I will love you if you have a child and I will love you if you have two children. I will love you if you never marry at all and never have children, and spend all your years wishing you had married me after all, and I must say that on late cold nights I prefer this scenario out of all the scenarios I have mentioned. That is how I will love you even as the world goes on its wicked way.”

Indianapolis, Indiana Summer 1996

Steve wakes up alone in his big bed with fluffy white sheets for the last time. The sun filters in through the spaces between his blinds, but the curtains have been taken down and the holes in the drywall spackled and painted over. He climbs from his bed and gets into the shower before he strips the sheets from his mattress. He makes his breakfast—scrambled eggs and burnt bacon—before washing the dishes in his sink. He carefully wraps each plate in newspaper before stacking them in a brown cardboard box. His phone rings.

“Hello?” He says into the receiver.

“Hey, Steve, me and Lucas are at the U-Haul place,” Dustin says on the other end of the line. “Can we just pull up right in front of the building?”

“Yeah, I already talked to the super. Should be all clear down there.”

“Alright, see ya soon.”

“Thanks, Dustin.” Steve hangs up and goes back to wrapping the last of his dishes and mugs. He’s taping up the box he’s been working on, writing “KITCHEN” in big, black letters on the side when there’s a knock on the door.

“It’s open!” He calls out. Then, when he hears the door swing shut, he yells, “Start with the stuff in the bedroom, but please for the love of god, be careful!” Lucas had already broken Steve’s favorite lamp when he’d come with El and Max to help pack a few boxes last weekend and bring them over to Frank and Doug’s garage for storage.

“Always the babysitter,” a familiar voice says from the kitchen doorway.

Steve whirls around to see Eddie, in a white t-shirt and black jeans, leaning his shoulder against the refrigerator.

“Um,” Steve says and drops the plate he’s holding. It smashes against the kitchen tiles. Neither of them glance at it. Steve watches the way Eddie’s forearms flex as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“Heard you could use some help moving,” Eddie says, a soft smile on his face. “I’m pretty good at heavy lifting, you know.”

~*~

Indianapolis, Indiana Summer 1995

When Steve wakes up, he’s in a tiny bed with rough scratchy sheets. The sunlight is pouring in through uncovered windows. There’s a mechanical beeping. Someone takes his hand in theirs. It is soft and dry. The grip on his fingers is tight.

“Steve?” A voice says next to him.

Steve groans. His head hurts. He has to squint against the light in the room, winces at the tinny beeping of the machines. He turns to see Robin sitting in the vinyl armchair at the side of his bed.

“Mm,” he tries to say something to her, but he’s not sure what it is. His mouth feels glued shut, like he’s eaten a spoonful of peanut butter, teeth all gummy and stuck.

“Water?” She asks, lifting her hand from his to pour him a cup from the plastic pitcher on the bedside table. He can’t get his hand to grip the paper cup properly, so she has to hold it to his lips for him. It’s borderline humiliating as the water misses his mouth and pours down his chin.

Once he’s back against the pillows, he makes a vague gesture with his hand. Robin clears her throat.

“Well—” She’s interrupted by a horde of people practically falling through the doorway.

“Steve!” El practically shouts. She sees Steve wince and lowers her voice. “Steve. You’re awake.” Mike and Will come in behind her, followed by Jonathan, Nancy, and Max.

Steve grunts in her direction. He tries to sit up, but there’s a shooting pain in his side. He lays back down, gesturing with his hand again.

“After I called you, I called everyone,” El starts, filling Steve in on what he’s missed. “Robin and Nancy, Dustin… Eddie.” She only stumbles slightly over the name and Steve expends all his energy on not reacting to it. “We got there just in time, Steve. You were… not good.” Her eyes are huge as she looks at him.

Steve clears his throat. “Was it…?” His voice is raspy, hoarse, like sandpaper over stones. He can only get out the first two words of his question, but he knows El understands.

“It was Vecna, but… different.” El tilts her head, considering. “Not human at all, not even a little. Not anymore. Changed. Worse.” She shakes her head, like it’s hard to explain. “You were… on the ground, when we got there. In a trance, almost, but it wasn’t the same as… back then. It was… something different. I don’t know. It is hard to explain, I think.” She shakes her head again.

“But you woke up when El called for you,” Will picks up where El’s left off. “You got up and you fought, Steve. You… It was wild.”

“And then it was over. It was so quick,” El says, eyes shining. “But it’s over. Really. It’s gone. I promise.”

Steve wants to believe her. He wants to believe that the girl with the superpowers has finally defeated the monsters. But he’s been told all this before. He’s seen what happens when they let their guards down, when they try to forget. He’s seen what happens when they leave.

Steve tries to nod at her, tries to smile. Tries to pretend that he believes her.

~*~

Indianapolis, Indiana Fall 1995

Steve spends a week in the hospital and then three more weeks in rehab where he has to do physical therapy every day. The Party is in and out and Steve thinks that Nancy might have made some sort of schedule for visiting him. Steve only hears vague rumblings of Eddie’s whereabouts. He’s only really convinced that Eddie’s even in the same city when Robin brings him his favorite donuts from the bakery that Eddie used to take him to on Saturday mornings, back when they were happy.

When Steve’s finally released on orders to stay home from work for another month and to do as little as possible—barring his physical therapy—Robin moves back in to her old room in Steve’s apartment. Steve doesn’t ask and Robin doesn’t even really offer. She just… stays. Just tells him that this is how it’s going to be.

On the ride home from the rehab center, she promises it’s only temporary, that she’ll only be there until Steve gets the all-clear to head back out into the world on his own. Steve protests until they reach his apartment building and comes face-to-face with the crumbling concrete stairs that lead all the way up to his apartment. He only stops his grumbling when Robin slips his arm over her shoulder and helps him to his front door.

“Surprise!” Steve nearly jumps out of his own skin when Robin finally gets the door open and ushers him inside his own home. Steve is bombarded with tiny flecks of paper that he slowly realizes are supposed to be confetti, very clearly homemade. He vaguely thinks about how someone who is not him better clean that up later.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Steve gasps out, clutching at his own chest. “This is how I fucking die. Not monsters. Just you stupid assholes sneaking into my apartment.” He scowls at them and they all have the good grace to look at least a little guilty, even Erica.

“Sorry, Steve,” El says from where she stands between Max and Lucas. “We just wanted to welcome you home.” That’s when Steve sees the banner that says “Welcome home, Steve” hanging over his couch, each letter a different color, all wonky and wobbly. Steve can’t even help the slow smile that spreads over his face.

Steve doesn’t even see Eddie until Robin’s got him settled on his couch, his cane propped next to him against the armrest. She pushes a plastic party cup of soda into one hand and a slice of his welcome home cake into the other. Steve doesn’t miss the fact that the cake is El’s favorite, chocolate on chocolate on chocolate. He shoves a big forkful into his mouth before he even notices Eddie sitting in the corner. Their eyes meet and Eddie raises his own plastic cup in Steve’s direction, a soft smile playing around his lips. Steve swallows thickly and nods back, eyes darting away quickly.

Despite the music and the laughing and the constant conversation, once he’s done with his cake, Steve starts fading fast. He’s still recovering, his wounds burning hot on his side, his legs aching from his trek up the stairs. He stretches, leans back against the couch cushions. He couldn’t keep his eyes open if he tried.

He hears Robin and Nancy start to round up the Party, pushing them out the door. They all want one last word with Steve, but Robin tells them all they can come back later in the week when Steve’s feeling a little bit better. He hears them all grumbling, half-hearted protests and half-baked arguments about why they should be allowed to stay. He hears them filter out into the hallway and he cracks one eye open, wanting just one last glimpse of them all before he falls into sleep.

But when Steve finally looks over toward the door, the Party has already been pushed out the door, with Robin and Nancy following them out into the hall, making sure they get down the stairs, as if they might try to sneak back in when they’re not looking. It’s just Eddie standing there, lingering near the open front door.

“Bye, Stevie,” he says when he sees Steve looking at him, so softly that Steve almost thinks he must imagine it. But then Eddie raises his hand and gives him a little wave, just a wiggle of his fingers, before he makes his own way out the door. “Feel better.”

Steve falls into a dreamless sleep right there on the couch.

~*~

Robin has been staying with Steve for about a month when they start to really get into it. She broaches the topic one night in the living room and it’s clear to Steve that she’s been waiting for the perfect moment.

They’re washing up from dinner. They’d opted for take-out, since Robin can’t cook at all and Steve’s still a little unsteady on his feet most days. He’s hoping that he’ll be able to go back to work in another week, just waiting for the all-clear from his physical therapist.

Robin comes back from taking the trash out to find Steve stretched out on the couch. She washes her hands and then drops herself into the ugly armchair that Steve’s sure must have come from her mom’s basement at some point over the years they’d lived together. She sighs and Steve braces himself.

“So,” she starts, trying for casual and missing by about a mile. She looks up at Steve and meets his gaze before clearing her throat. “Do you ever think about getting out of here?”

“What, this apartment?” Steve asks, purposely missing her point. His calves are cramping and his temples throb. He can’t really imagine a worse conversation than this one, right now.

“Come on, Steve,” Robin rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean. Are you going to stay in Indiana for the rest of your life?”

“What’s wrong with Indiana?” Steve crosses his arms over his chest.

“Nothing.” She crosses her own arms, mirroring Steve. “There’s only something wrong with it if you’re too scared to go anywhere else.”

“I not scared,” Steve insists. His fingertips dig into the muscles of his forearms.

“You’re not?” Robin raises her eyebrow. “Then what are you doing, Steve? If you’re not scared, why are you here while Eddie’s still writing love songs for you halfway across the country.”

Steve’s ribs crack. His lungs collapse. His heart squeezes in his chest.

“It’s not about that,” Steve mutters, barely able to get the words out. He can’t get enough air.

“What’s it about, then?” Robin’s voice is gentler now, less combative, but still challenging.

“I was the only one here, Robin,” Steve doesn’t hide the anger from his voice, the resentment. He unfolds his arms to clutch at the couch cushion beneath him, like it’ll keep him tethered to the earth. “Everyone left and I stayed. I was the only one here. I was here when no one else was.”

“And you almost died, Steve!” Robin’s voice is just as angry as Steve’s when she responds. “You almost died down there. Alone. If Will and El hadn’t gotten there when they did, you wouldn’t be here.”

Steve snaps his jaw shut, his teeth slamming together painfully. He takes a deep breath, tries to regain control of himself.

“I understand that, Robin. But what am I going to do? Leave? Stop watching?”

“Steve,” Robin says, her voice soft. Sadder than he’s ever heard her before. He can’t look at her. He knows she’s crying. He is too, he can feel the hot tears on his cheeks. Steve hears her drop from the chair onto the carpet as she makes her way over to the couch on her knees. “Steve, look at me,” she says when she’s kneeling in front of him. He looks at her. His heart breaks. He remembers the last time they were in this living room, crying together. He remembers how scared she had looked. How angry she’d been at how he was hurting himself. He thinks this might be the same thing. “This isn’t your responsibility. Not alone. We all made it back. We made it in time. You don’t have to stay here. You shouldn’t stay here just because you’re afraid.”

Steve’s throat tightens. He doesn’t know what to say. He can’t promise he’ll stop being scared. He can’t promise he’ll leave, just pick up and go. He wants to. He wants to tell her that he doesn’t need to be here. That he just wants to be here. But it’s not true and he can’t lie to her. Not like this. Wouldn’t even dream of it. Robin seems to understand that. She just stays there, kneeling in front of him, one hand on his knee and one hand gripping one of his, vice-like and warm.

They stay like that for a long time, until the tears dry on both their faces.

~*~

Indianapolis, Indiana Summer 1996

Steve’s mouth has gone dry. His hands feel hollow, weightless. His fingertips burn. He can feel the heat rushing to his face.

Eddie’s smile falters.

“Or I could, uh. Sorry. I didn’t—“ Eddie starts, standing upright and taking a step back. Steve is quick to cut him off.

“No, no!” He practically yells into the space between them. “No, I, uh. Was just surprised. To see you.” He makes a vague gesture with his hand at his side.

“Robin called,” Eddie says, as if that explains everything. “Said you were skipping town.” Steve hears the implied finally in his words and can’t help but roll his eyes.

Eddie and Steve have spoken sporadically in the year since Steve was in the hospital. Mostly on the phone, but they’d seen each other at Christmas. Steve had tried to avoid Eddie—it should have been easy with the campaign Will was running in Joyce’s basement over the holiday; Steve doesn’t think any of the boys had showered for a full week—but somehow, Eddie was always in Steve’s line of vision, nudging his shoulder when Jonathan told a joke, piling more mashed potatoes on his plate at family dinner, passing him the last sugar cookie on Christmas morning. Steve had felt off-kilter for the entire week he’d been sleeping on the Byers-Hopper living room couch and had come back to Indianapolis with a head full of ghosts.

Eddie had started calling him after that, just to check in, he’d said. Only once or twice every couple of weeks, but he always had a funny little story about the cat he’d adopted out in LA that made Steve laugh until his sides hurt, still just a little bruised and broken from last summer.

Steve hadn’t told Eddie about his plans to leave Indianapolis. He’d wanted to be sure that he could really do it, that he wasn’t going to come back scared, with his tail between his legs, forced to take up temporary residence over Frank and Doug’s garage until he could find something permanent, all because he was too much of a coward to leave the past behind.

“Yeah.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Apparently Frank and Doug are looking to franchise. Heard I was just about ready to leave Indianapolis and asked if I’d take a look at a few different places for them. New York, Chicago, Seattle…” He lets his voice trail off.

“LA?” Eddie asks and Steve tries not to convince himself that the look on Eddie’s face is hopeful.

“Uh. Yeah, actually. LA’s on the list. Last stop on the tour.” Steve cringes as he says the last part, but Eddie just smiles.

“Maybe I could find someone to show you around.” Eddie looks down at his feet and then glances back up at Steve through his eyelashes, all flirtatious and pink.

“That… would be nice.” Steve’s sweating now, his skin tight and hot across his chest and shoulders.

“Yeah?” Eddie does sound so hopeful then that Steve feels something in his chest swell at the sound. He feels the blush rising in his own cheeks.

He can’t help the smile that spreads across his face. “Yeah.”

Before they can say anything else, the front door bangs open and Dustin and Lucas come crashing into Steve’s kitchen.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Steve yells, holding up his hands. “Remember what happened last time! Don’t break any of my shit.”

They’re not even listening, too busy jumping around Eddie, shouting about how they thought they wouldn’t see him until Thanksgiving. Steve smiles at them, rolling his eyes. Eddie meets his gaze from across the kitchen and shoots him a wink.

It’s not perfect. There’s a lot they need to talk about. Steve’s got more cities to visit before he even gets out to LA. He’s not sure he’ll even want to leave Indianapolis once he’s out there. But he’s willing to try and he thinks that, for right now, that’s enough. He’s still scared. He’s scared shitless. Feels like he might vomit every time he thinks about driving out of Indiana. But he thinks there might be some better things waiting out there for him than whatever he’s leaving behind here. He’s got Robin and Nancy in New York. Will and Mike out in Seattle. Lucas, Max, and El in Chicago. Eddie in LA and Jonathan and Argyle down in San Diego. Dustin out in Boston and Erica down in DC. He’s willing to try, for them.

~*~

Only three more plates and an end table get sacrificed to the moving gods by the time they’ve packed Steve’s entire life into the back of the U-Haul Dustin and Lucas had driven over earlier. Steve watches them drive it away from the curb before he unlocks the driver’s side door in his car and gets in. Eddie slides in next to him in the passenger’s seat.

Eddie looks over at him as Steve slides his sunglasses over his nose. “Ready, Stevie?”

“Yeah,” Steve says. “Ready.”

He smiles as he drives away from his apartment for the last time.

~*~

And here we are, finally at the end. I hope you enjoyed this. I was planning on this being a bit more bittersweet and sad here at the end, but. They didn’t want that, I guess! This was BY FAR the longest and most difficult part to write and I do worry that I’ve fucked up the pacing, but this is all necessary for where these idiots end up so.

Excited to hear what you all think. Sorry for not really explaining anything about the Upside Down. I don’t know what was going on! It’s inexplicable! You have to believe me! Epigraph is from Lemony Snicket, although I did definitely edit it down so there’s that lol if you don’t read on AO3, the title of this chapter is “i can’t believe you told me everything’s okay, that we would find each other somewhere else one day.” :)

Anyway, I don’t really think this lives up to the rest of the fic (I truly believe that this is the best story I’ve ever written), but it makes me happy and it’s complete and I do very much love it, even in all it’s imperfection.

I had no sleep last night and took Tylenol PM about an hour ago, so please forgive any mistakes (and please do feel free to point them out to me! it’s very helpful, I promise! I actually did reread the other parts before finishing this, but it’s highly likely I missed a thing or two).

Here’s the taglist. I’m very very very sorry if I missed you or tagged you by mistake. :) @starlight-archer @sly-bananabread @eddiemunsonswife @renaissan-vvitch @gamerdano @n0-1-important @orangeandthefairroadkill @hollysimone @spkdnailbats @and-say @fabledanzel @grtwdsmwhr @dogswithforks @grimmfitzz @lololol-1234 @estrellami-1 @ajamlessbaby @goblineddie @bejeweledbaby @lizard-dyk3 @savory-babby @mssrs-weasley @anzelsilver

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