#(which is valid ig) so he knows he was hurt. Why would that same hurt not apply to his son...and why wouldn't it be worse like dude

[cryptidclaw]

Some people don't seem to understand that Bramble wasn't upset at the three, he took it out on them (wrongly) because he was upset he had been lied to by the cat he was supposed to be able to trust (by which she proved she didn't trust him.) People also seem to forget Bramble himself had adopted 'siblings' in Feathertail and Stormfur! I'm a psychology major (I'm graduating with my BA this summer so I'd like to think I'm a little qualified to profile and diagnose these fictional meow meows,) in the situation with Squirrel, Leaf and the three, Bramble didn't know who to take his frustrations and anger out on, hence it manifesting on the three, and him being a not-so-great husband to Squirrel. They should have split up, but the Erin's don't understand divorce is a thing ig, it would have been a) much better for them both mentally, and b) it would have provided a new narrative for the story (even if it was a b plot.) Both Squirrel and Bramble (and subsequently Leaf as well but she's a different story I'm not going to get in to rn) are in the wrong. They both did things they shouldn't, I wish people would stop assuming Bramble is just an abuser because he can be (honestly I don't think he even qualifies as an abuser, not even mentally. He and Squirrel fall into the same category of not being able to properly express their emotions without getting angry. Take a look at some of the things Squirrel says to Bramble during TNP and vice versa. These two, in my own opinion, should never have become mates, they fit more as siblings.) And they need to stop calling Squirrelflight petty and childish. These two went through hell as children, Bramble via Tigerstar and that drama (along with likely having PTSD from TNP) and Squirrel dealing with the TNP stuff (again PTSD likely) and then having the burden of others comparing her to Firestar. They both have issues. No one is innocent in this situation, and I just wish people would realize that.

Yes, Bramble absolutely was mad at Squirrel not the 3, and he took his anger out on the three because he is terrible with emotions (and a terrible dad). 

I think that Bramble had every right to be mad at Squirrel for not telling him, he was lied to about his own children, by his mate. That being said, I 100% understand why Squirrel didn’t tell him, Bramble has shown no reason for why Squirrel should trust him, and he has shown to be an easily angered cat who will greatly punish Squirrel for the smallest offences. Squirrel had no reason to believe that Bramble would help her and Leaf if he knew, and since Bramble is in a place of power, telling him could endanger Leaf and Squirrel. Also! Squirrel didn’t even want to take the kits because she didn’t want to lie to Bramble, but Starclan literally told/tricked her into doing it. That doesn’t change that Bramble is allowed to be mad, and hurt by what happened, I really think they should have just stayed divorced after this. 

This is like the one time I can understand, and validate Bramble’s anger toward Squirrel for something, every singe other time they fight he is in the wrong. I hate him sm.

I also want to say that even though its understandable for Bramble to be mad at Squirrel, his actions as a result of his anger are in no way okay. He is terrible to his children, and he is terrible to Squirrel. Even if he is mad at her, he has no right to make her life hell, he is deputy (aka. her boss) and he is shown to use his power to take his anger out on Squirrel many many times. 

I also want to point out that it literally took Bramble wanting to help Shadowclan out of love for Tawnypelt to realize that Squirrelflight did what she did because she loves her sister.... Like BRO why did you think she did it??? out of just feeling like fucking with you??? He’s so stupid, and is so bad at empathy. 

Anywho I do really think that Bramblestar shows some serious signs of being an abuser, and to anyone who wants a good explanation for why a lot of ppl think this watch Moonkitti’s vid Bramblestar is Worse! It gives a really good summary of the Bramble is an abuser argument.

#cryptid answers #brambleclaw #squirrelflight #po3

[anakirui]

everyday i realize more and more how similar c!sapnap is to c!happyduo and it scares me, esp with how strained their relationship is.

like imagine being extremely jealous of ur best friend's son over him making a birthday present for him. and then that best friend and his son have tried killing eachother multiple times.

not to derail the post into c!happyfamily dynamics but i think c!bad genuinely wants c!sapnap on his side still. like he's tried inviting him to the badlands before and failed, but the way he's acted towards c!sapnap as of recent reads very much as "awkward morally fucked up dad wants to reconcile with morally fucked up son"

meanwhile c!skeppy just seems to look down on c!sapnap in general and doesnt claim responsibility for his actions. everytime c!skeppy has mentioned c!sapnap it's been in a negative way that insinuates that c!skeppy is a better person than him (he is NOT and the fact that c!bad doesn't stop c!skeppy from doing this is. questionable ..... actually hes never even disagreed now that i think about it wtf)

like during the first bd island stream, while c!happyduo was arguing, a dono told c!skeppy that now they understood why c!sapnap had anger issues; because c!happyduo raised him. c!skeppy then denies this, and says that c!sapnap is just "weird" which... yeah no bitch ur lying you literally hate children.

and yeah cc!bad has pointed out that c!skeppy being involved in c!sapnaps childhood is something he doesnt know... but honestly. im thinking it probably will be given that cc!skeppy has liked c!happyfamily fanart meaning he at least approves of the concept? also it just makes more sense with any potential backstory c!happyduo has, they literally could be centuries of years old so it would be a little weird for c!skeppy to be out of c!bads life for ~20 years only to come back on the dreamsmp

and i just realized i was supposed to talk about their similarities.

mainly it comes down to their worldviews and ideologies? c!sapnap is very fucking weird and believes he is a good person that has never done anything wrong. im serious he literally told c!michael and c!eryn that he has never done anything wrong on the server, which is a fucking lie and signifies that he doesn't grasp how bad his actions were. (this was in dreams jailbreak stream btw hahah)

he also has scarily black and white thinking, he literally accuses c!michael of being a fucked up person (a descriptor he used to describe C!DREAM only a minute or so prior) just because they had differing opinions (and when c!michael actually had valid points, even if he wasnt fully informed of all contexts of the situation).

he hasnt stopped killing pets at all and doesnt even care about it, he basically forced mexican dream to get high to get his trauma out of him for information, etc. etc.

c!sapnap in general is pretty much an asshole to the people he doesnt care about.

but even then he is an asshole to the people he cares about at times. he lied to c!george about c!dream, he's betrayed c!dream before he was abusive, he's tried killing one of c!punz pets and when c!punz got mad he hypocritically told him that it was "just a horse" when he's the same guy who started a war over a miscommunication about a panda, he betrayed c!bads trust which is where their current relationship strain comes from anyways, etc. etc.

with the only exceptions being his fiances . ig they ground him in a way because he literally hasnt lashed out at them or intentionally hurt them in any way which is interesting

c!happyduo are very similar.

c!happyduo seems to think that they're in the right, no matter what. neither of them seem to feel guilt for their actions (sure c!bbh apologizes but all of his actions afterwards contradict his apologies which signifies a lack of remorse), they're very vindictive and will come up with unreasonable plans to take vengeance against someone (haha nothing like c!skeppy getting disturbingly excited over c!bads plan to basically exile arc c!foolish)

but with eachother it's... complicated. theyve definitely hurt eachother and manipulated eachother but that was because of the stress induced by the egg arc and its trauma on them. the thing is, as of rn, c!bad is very much afraid to hurt c!skeppy and is scared that he will leave him, while c!skeppy is afraid that c!bad will lie to him and betray him.

ironically they have the same fear more or less

but before that they never hurt eachother. like how c!sap just hasnt... hurt his fiances (intentionally) . its interesting

i am so sorry for this post ong this isnt formatted right wtf wtfqtwtrw

#c!skeppy #c!badboyhalo #c!sapnap #c!happyfamily #dreamsmp #dsmp #nobody asked for this but here you go?!?!??! #this is barely comprehensible #tw manipulation mention #skeppy #badboyhalo #sapnap #i forgot how to tag posts everyone

[naruto-shipping-confessions]

I am a Sasuke stan first and a human second, but ffs some of the pro Sasuke people on this blog (and tumblr in general) have some of the WORST anti SNS takes I have ever seen. The things you hate Naruto for are legit head canons at this point, and you demonize SNS to the point that it sounds like you straight did not read the manga.

Listen it will ALWAYS be fuck konoha, fuck the shinobi system, fuck the naruto ending for acting like Sasuke was just crazy, fuck sasukes character conclusion that made him a good konoha puppy and belittled his justified rage, fuck the narrative for painting the uchiha as monsters. I am WITH yall on that. But you guys put so much shit on Naruto that he never did, or make his words and actions so wildly bad faith that it's barely canon.

"Naruto said he would rip Sasukes limbs off to keep him in Konoha!" Because he was joining orochimaru? Naruto specifically said those things in regards to Sasuke joining Orochimaru because he was scared Orochimaru was going to treat him like an experiment, which he literally DOES. Naruto SAYS that Orochimaru is just going to use his body and kill him. Naruto is SCARED for Sasuke and doesn't want him to sacrifice himself. Sure it was extreme, but are yall legit mad that Naruto went a little crazy at the prospect of Sasuke joining infamous child experimenter and torturer Orochimaru? That's a fucking normal reaction?

"Naruto never cared about Sasuke's goals! He just wanted to win him back like a trophy!" Naruto doesnt know the truth for the first half of the story, he wants Sasuke back in Konoha because Sasuke is in DANGER as a rogue. Do you forget that defector shinobi have hits out on them and the villages want them dead? He never "shoots down" Sasuke's goals he just doesnt want Sasuke to be a TERRORIST, which like, i fully support Sasuke's tits out terrorism era but thats not an abusive mindset for Naruto to have? Naruto is the one who plans and leaves Konoha to kill Itachi (which, yeah that was Sasuke's business, but he wasn't brushing off Sasuke's revenge like kakashi was). He chews Itachi out to his face for treating Sasuke like shit despite knowing that Itachi could turn him into creamed corn. When he learns the truth after the Kage summit he tells Sasuke that he understands why he has done everything. He! Is! The! Only! Character! To explicitly validate and empathize with Sasuke over his actions up until that point! He is the only one to say that Sasuke isn't being out of pocket for what he has done! He is the only character to suggest Sasuke's feelings and actions are justified! Sasuke is the one who immediately tells him to get fucked, Naruto doesn't even tell him to stop or anything. Naruto is also WILLING TO GIVE HIS DREAMS UP and die with Sasuke, and he ONLY SAYS that they will have to fight to the death if Sasuke attacks Konoha. He wasn't trying to fight Sasuke to bring him back, he just wanted to protect his home (and the completely innocent people inside). Kakashi and Sakura BOTH try to kill Sasuke and he stops them both. Kakashi and Sakura BOTH tell Naruto that this "isn't the same Sasuke he's a monster now :(" and Naruto says no fuck that. Naruto is the only character to consistently see Sasuke's heart, to see that Sasuke isn't evil or unhinged he's just HURTING and angry. Isn't that what yall Sasuke stans (myself included ig) preach constantly? Naruto is the one that is enraged when Orochimaru calls Sasuke "his" and begs for his life on his knees to the Raikage, swearing that Sasuke isn't corrupt. Naruto is the only character that consistently humanizes and sees the good in Sasuke while the rest of Konoha and co calls for his death and writes him off as crazy. When the rest of team seven is like wow sasuke ur a piece of shit now Naruto is the one who says to his face that he still cares about him and is happy to know him. Even if he is preachy sometimes, he at least TRIES to relate to and understand Sasuke.

"But the curse of hatred" Naruto REJECTS that? When the sage compares them to Indra and Ashura, Naruto refuses the comparison. He doesn't agree with that or view Sasuke that way, that's a flaw in the themes of the manga as a whole, not Naruto's treatment of Sasuke. Plus he doesnt hold that against Obito either? He never sees the Uchiha as a bunch of monsters. After their final battle Sasuke says he lost and Naruto YELLS AT HIM that it isn't about winning or losing. When Sasuke says that his death will end the curse of hatred Naruto YELLS AGAIN that he's wrong and gets mad Sasuke would even suggest dying! Naruto never viewed this as beating Sasuke into submission, he never viewed it as an ideological battle, he never viewed it as dominating Sasuke. He ALWAYS saw them as equals!

"But he sweeps Sasuke under the rug and doesn't change the shinobi system" when they are bleeding out Naruto TELLS Sasuke he wants to change things and WANTS SASUKE TO WORK WITH HIM. TWICE. Kishimoto didn't write anything else, it immediately time skips, it's not his (or narutos) fault that Boruto is a piss poor cash grab with no integrity. Naruto's intentions at the end of the manga are ABSOLUTELY to work with Sasuke and change the system. Again, Naruto DIDNT SEE the final battle as him beating Sasuke.

"But Naruto kept trying to stop sasuke and bring him back to konoha!" because Sasukes path was self destructive and he didn't always do or want the right thing (capturing Bee, killing Karin, wanting to kill innocent Kage like Mei who was a revolutionary of her own right). Justified or not, even Sasuke knows his isolation was self destructive. Naruto and Sasuke could feel each others pain, they knew each others hearts, that's CANON, and that's why Naruto wanted to stop Sasuke so much, because he knew his heart, he knew that his path was causing him pain, he knew that Sasuke never REALLY wanted to be alone, it was just a destructive means to forge his own strength! He wasnt "saving" him for selfish reasons, even Sasuke admits that Naruto saved him from loneliness! And Sasuke deserves that after losing everyone he has ever loved, he doesnt deserve to feel lonely and isolated and ostracized anymore! At that point Naruto is the savior of the village, friends with all the rookies, friends w Kurama and Gaara and Bee, Hinata loves him, he isn't saving Sasuke for his OWN loneliness anymore. Sasuke is his closest person and he legit LOVES him and can't bear watching him suffer. Don't forget by the end Sasuke himself is determined to protect and even lead Konoha as a concept again, he just wants to start over bc its too corrupt. Naruto wasn't forcing him back at that point, he was trying to stop Sasuke from killing people who didn't deserve to die and succumbing to more isolation.

Man hate SNS and Naruto all you want, idc, but I'm so tired of the spewing "Naruto only saw Sasuke as an object, he only wanted him as an ego boost, he just wanted to bring Sasuke back for his own gain" because it's so unbelievably not canon. You guys whine and cry about shippers making everything shippy, but yall will shit over this manga and character at length just to hate on a ship no matter how hard u twist canon. And don't get me wrong! There are lots of things Naruto does that I hate (like his entire non reaction to konoha ordering a genocide). But I swear some of yall do the MOST.

This confession was too long to add in like the usual ones.

[demonslayedher]

Okay but Sanemi… Sanemiii.. Nemi… Nii chan🥲 I was midway reading Genya’s chapter from the light novels, and came here to say this.

Just understanding who was Sanemi before joining the Demon Slayers corps, will make it 💯 % understandable why he acted violently to Nezuko and Tanjiro at the pillar’s meeting. He wasn’t a typical shonen character with high temper, he was lost thinking “What is so special about those two to be given the faintest dim of hope to reclaim the demon sister” , the same thin hope he wished for while chasing his beloved pitiful mother … if Tanjiro didn’t headbut Sanemi’ sense back ig Sanemi would’ve gone far..

I want to say a lot actually ( just deleted a big ass paragraph hahaha) but please, if you pass by this pitiful ask, don’t let a day pass without appreciating Sanemi.

He held mountains of burden and lost a lot </3

Avo, I'm pushing this because I know you've read and enjoyed some of my other fanfic, but have you read "The Pillar Training Oath"? That is my deepest dive post-canon into Sanemi (and Giyuu), and because I was trying to be as faithful as I could, writing some of those Sanemi scenes hurt.

I am so, so, so, so, so, so not ready for Chapter 179 to be animated. Ahahaaaaa, I'm tearing up as I'm writing this. ヽ(；▽；)ノ Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh-----

Okay, so, what I want to say most on Sanemi is, just like how he pays no mind to the physical pain he puts himself throw (Buddy! Dude!! Sew those up!! Let those heal!!!), he probably pays even less mind to his emotional pain. He cares so much more about the people he loves than about his own suffering that he can very, very flippantly offer to accompany his mother to hell without a second thought, despite how much he'd love to see his siblings again too. He can't even care less that this means he's dead.

But Sanemi, against his own will, is a survivor. And he has to live on, carrying his silent sufferings, so silent he doesn't even recognize them. It's not that he consciously runs from or buries his pain, even for all the hurtful things he's said to Genya to chase him off he's never even considered trying to forget about Genya as a way of protecting himself. Sanemi doesn't seek anything for himself, which means he doesn't seek others' validation; it's okay for Genya to go on hating him for murdering their mother as long as it means Genya lives.

A--aa-a-and then he didn't---!! ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´Д｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡AAAAAAHHH-----

Phew, ahhh, moving on.

Sanemi, becauses he puts such little weight to his own suffering, has not really faced his own suffering, so when he has no choice but to face it, it's completely overwhelming, whether he's overcome with sorrow or with rage that someone had the gall to keep their demon sister alive (he indeed had very good reason to hate Tanjiro, as analyzed here). While not confronting his own emotional pain, Sanemi has poured his efforts into what's ultimately been distractions for him, to the extent that eliminating demons is an obsessive purpose.

The uplifting conclusion of the manga gives us the impression that he's going to be able to live on and find a new purpose, and without demons to defeat or family to protect, we're left to assume Sanemi can only start looking within himself for purpose. He will have to look to his own emotional needs, to confront not only his sorrows, but also ask himself what would make him--himself, a person of value even without the context of others--happy.

I don’t think he's ever done that, and however it happens post-canon, that's bound to be Sanemi's next battle.

Edit: Credit for the lovely Sanemi art goes to pi_su05 on Twitter:

#shinazugawa sanemi #kny fandom theories and meta #my fics #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer

[sumeshi-t]

falling.

fwb!sakusa x reader

wc: 1.7k

warning: slight nsfw mention here and there

i tried tried making this as just a drabble, but i think i might have gotten carried away sksksks 

tagging cheesecult: @akaashit-baeji @bubbleteaa @yamagucheese @milkandc00kiez @akaashichigo @drainedjaz @haikkeiji @annalyn-annalyn @mlkytobio @sosugasweet @cali-writes-sometimes  @simping4ratsumu @shishinoya @ushiwakaa @kxgeyamasmilk @agaassi @hanibuni @cupofkenma  @kawanisshi @thiccbokuto @shinsukestan @sufiawrites @wakaitoshi @skyguy-peach @fern-writes-ig @briswriting @airybby @kawaiikraykray @miyuswriting @raevaioli @ouikarwa @hakueishirei

and thank you mom @taeiliee for beta-ing this omg ilysm

you were sat at the corner of the large hall, watching as strangers kissed strangers, brushing their sweating bodies against each other on the dance floor, the smell of alcohol and lust and sin heavy in the air, all this muted by the loud blaring of music, the bass thumping along with your heartbeat, sending vibrations to your skull.

sighing, you swiveled on the chair, before asking the bartender for a drink. you were just going to enjoy one more shot, give your friends a text, and go home, sleep, end the night as dull as it should be.

until this man, whose curly hair framed his face perfectly, two distinct moles just above one of his brows, the scent of fresh laundry and lavender reaching your nose, caught in your periphery, sitting a chair away from you. his mask prevented you from seeing him in full view but just a look at his eyes tells you that he's been through hell just by being in that place. 

he only asked for water, took out a handkerchief and wiped the rim of the glass before pulling down his mask to take careful sips. he must've noticed you watching him, so he turned to you.

as silly as it sounds, you hiccuped at having realized how cute this man actually was without the mask. you quickly cover your mouth and, surprisingly, he asks the bartender to get you a glass of water. 

"you having fun?" you ask him once your hiccups subsided, apologizing for bothering him. the man who has yet to introduce himself groans, "obviously not. i don't see you having a good time either," 

"this isn't really my type of fun. not at all; i'd rather be at home but..." it's the alcohol, you're going to stupidly put all the blame on the drinks that you've had; on the way his eyes scanned your face; on the way your eyes watched his lips move; on the way his arm brushed against yours once you two decided to get the hell out of that shit-fest.

you thought this was only going to be a cute little encounter with a man who also hated crowds that rescued you and himself, and you were in no way expecting to be ending the night like this–

tipsy and naked, legs spread, back against the wall, nails digging into his smooth back, warm shower water trickling down your body; your breath fogging up the glass, panting with every snap of his hips against yours. 

it was a weird way for introductions to be made, but as you both neared your high, he whispers his name in your ear, "say it, call my name, scream,"

and you did. 

as you rode out your orgasm with him, the sensation of his name rolling out of your tongue felt more euphoric than what really led to you being unable to stand on your own, knees buckling soon as your feet touched the floor, that he has had to give you and himself a real and decent shower.

when you lay in his bed moments later, his back was turned to face you. no "good night" or "sweet dreams"– you realize you'd preferred it that way, to stick to the reality of what this was: a one night stand. and since it's like that, you guessed that this was the last time you'd be seeing or even be breathing the same air as this man. 

so even if he was merely breaths away from you, you knew what you shared with him just now wouldn't shorten the ten thousand miles between you. you knew it was wrong to be feeling this way for a stranger; even so, your clouded thoughts got the best of you.

and you reached out.

"kiyoomi,"

"what? can't sleep?" his voice was a low grumble, the sound muffled by the pillow he was hugging to his chest.

"it's y/n," meanwhile, your voice was barely audible, you were sure it was just another whisper in the wind. but for sakusa kiyoomi, it was louder than the moans and gasps you made that night. "though i don't think that's important," you drawled before succumbing to sleep.

the next day, you wake early and leave him, his bed, and the memories of last night without a word. just as how one night stands should be.

so for the next week, you were confused, angry, for feeling so desperate to see sakusa kiyoomi once again. if only you knew that this was how it was going to be, you would've left your number on a little note; or maybe do the things they would in movies, used your lipstick to write it on his bathroom mirror with hearts and your name in case he didn't hear it.

and your desperation has you coming back to that shit-hole of a party. if only to relive the memories of that one night. you knew the chances of seeing him there again were slim, absentmindedly twirling your glass of vodka in your hand while letting the alcohol slowly numb you.

only to see a familiar set of eyes, and half of a face obscured by a mask beside you. 

"thought this wasn't your fun?"

"i could say the same about you, didn't you hate it here?" you place the glass back on the counter, completely turning to sakusa, "wanna get out of here?"

he downed the shot you didn't take, before standing up to leave. 

you both hated having to go back to that club. but for some reason, the two of you just indulged in the prospect of meeting each other there, only to be in each other's heat, and for one of you to be left alone in the cold the morning after.

then it was the third, fourth, and soon it was the sixth-night-stand.

you did something you've never done before: that was, pressing your lips against his. there was a surge of boldness in you that you assumed was only from the alcohol, when you didn't know yet that it was already something more addictive and dangerous than that.

you thought the kiss would ruin everything that you had with him–whatever it was–but, it didn't. instead, sakusa kiyoomi responds with a bite to your lower lip, a chaste kiss, a teasing lick, before pulling away to rest his lips to nip at your neck.

for the rest of that night, his movements weren't so rough. from his lips came out your name and his praises, and with those same swollen lips he left behind a burning trail of butterfly kisses on every corner of your body covered by skin he could taste–all this replacing the usual grunts of approval or the loud smack of his palms against your ass.

this time, sakusa's bed wasn't cold nor empty. the first thing he saw as soon as he opened his eyes the next morning was you; cradled in his arms, hickey-filled chest steadily rising and falling with each breath. his calloused fingers brush against your cheek once, and it was too bad that you couldn't see the soft smile he has for you.

after the seventh night, you two began texting. the texting escalated to phone calls. the phone calls turned into meet-ups that you all but wanted to call a date but couldn't because you had no idea just what you were to him, and what he was to you.

"woah, you can do that? don't your wrists hurt?" your eyes widened, almost dropping the ice cream he bought for you after one of his practice games. 

"really, omiomi? that how ya flirt with such a pretty lady?" one of his teammates quips from behind you. sakusa glares at the blonde guy who you remember as their setter, and you decide to laugh it off. "don't worry, he doesn't have to do much to have me on my kne–"

sakusa slams a mask to your face to keep you from saying anything more. and then, once he knows the two of you were out of their earshot,  his arm wraps around your shoulder to pull you close to him, and he warns by your ear, "that filthy mouth of yours needs a little cleaning tonight,"

to his surprise, you smile up at him, which gives him a hard time concentrating on what you were saying, his quickening pulse echoing in his head making him unable to hear your voice. 

it was no longer the sex that you craved from him. it was no longer just sex for him. deep in your heart, you knew what you shared with sakusa–it was making love. and he knows this too. it was a feeling that to him was so familiar yet so distant. 

"kiyoomi,"

"y/n,"

"i... i think, i'm already in love with you,"

you were so blinded by the brightness of the emotions you knew you felt with and for him, that you failed to notice he never answered you back, nor did you see the fears and worries that he keeps hidden behind his mask.

after all that build-up, only for sakusa kiyoomi to drop you at the last second. as if nothing happened. as if you were nothing. the meet-ups stopped, your calls were declined, texts left on read. 

it's been a month since then, now you were in your bedroom on a friday night, refusing your friends' invites for yet another party downtown. this time, they tell you it was for you to forget. which was dumb, considering that place was where it all started.

"it" meaning... what? it's not even valid to call it a one night stand anymore. a friend with benefits? then again, did you even fit his description of a friend? or were you just another fuck buddy to him? someone he used as an outlet of his sexual frustrations and when he caught on to the feelings you shouldn't have and even you didn't even know why–

you wished forgetting sakusa kiyoomi was as easy as getting rid of the stains on your sheets.

but the tears and pain he's dirtied you with was a mark no bleach or detergent could ever erase.

little did you know, for the past month, sakusa kiyoomi was patiently waiting for you in that same old stool back in the bar, with three words he wished he'd told you sooner. 

#haikyuu #haikyuu!! #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu scenario #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x you #sakusa kiyoomi smut #sakusa kiyoomi angst #sakusa angst #sakusa smut

[lover-of-trash-and-people]

bittersweet netflix shadow and bone finale (s1 e8) rewatch; accoutrement: white wine with ice cubes in it (no YOU'RE a mom drink shh)

my wine's like fruity I love her

light and darkness title card we love to see it

Inej looking at Alina before she goes below deck to hide <3

okay that 'what can you really do on your own' was like not fun that shit hurted

okay but Jesper's 'not enough'? <3

oh no my baby Zoya's first inkling that Darkles does not really care

omg Helnik just appeared and I remembered how much heartbreak I have to face in this episode

gods I love Danielle as Nina so so much

'this can't be it' said she with her pleading smile with downturned eyebrows MA'AM I-

don't break my dumb little heart

I might hate Calahan's little accent but they're making me tear up

oh gods I literally cannot keep a hold on myself when Dani's accent bleeds through with full force, it's like she comes more alive or smth

'I will keep you warm' SIR WHAT-

I am surprised they showed a leaning in for a kiss so soon but I'm not mad about it

her little eyebrow twitch at 'what are waffles'

when that rando said 'i hunt slavers now' a dread settled into me because I knew what was about to go down

Matthias looking somberly at the stuffed wolf's head </3

I am so incredibly entranced by this exchange between Fedyor and Nina and what it represents, it's very interesting that they pushed up their storyline to match with the timeline

damn it's kind of jarring to be back in the Fold

'REMEMBER WHO'S DRIVING'??!!!! *you better stop* meme, *i am, disgusted* meme, *oh wow, oh wow* meme

Mal you fucking idiot you could never take the crows by surprise

the music rising as Kaz starts explaining his thought process, fucking perfection

haha Mal bitchass Inej caught you

'Because if he isn't with Kirigan's crew, he's with ours' WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED

'And why would we destroy the Fold? It's the greatest weapon we've got' valid point at the moment but you know I don't necessarily agree with your methods

the use of the light tunnel in the show instead of Alina just being a super flashlight in the books is quite an interesting addition as well

is this an inappropriate time to point out how pretty Ben Barnes is

okay I kind of love the depiction of the shadow powers okay sue me

'they are traitors who tried to kill you' why are you suddenly making valid points despite having kind of committed low scale genocide

'i never said I was smart' YES MAL BE THE VOICE OF HIMBOS EVERYWHERE

Kaz's face going from 'can you believe this idiot' at Mal to 'fuck me I'm gonna do the same thing aren't I' at Inej

'For who would oppose us now?' *himbo romantic rival appears out of nowhere and shoots at him* god I love this show

him standing calmly in his ridiculous all black attire after nodding at his soldier to stop the himbo in his tracks, i fucking can't

could she summon light without the Darkling making her after he put the collar on her until the uhm moment in the books? idts but in the show she can hmm

'only because I'm not in the game' you tell him Jesper

not me snickering at 'you'll be seen not as a saviour, but as a heretic' LMFAO

'Shame. I'll have to give that speech again now.' THIS SHOW IS A FUCKING COMEDY AND YOU CAN'T PROVE ME WRONG

YES LET'S FUCKING GO SULI SOLIDARITY

Darkles casually whipping the Cut out like a shuriken or a throwing knife at Jesper because he shot at him lmao I can't

INEJ FUCKING GHAFA STABBED ONE THE OLDEST AND MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE IN THAT WORLD AND THAT IS VERY TELLING OF HER POWER

that moment where you actually think that affected him despite having read the books and watched the show

and then he has to go and fucking say 'it will take more than this' and I can't be help but be a little bit impressed at this old fool's resilience

throwback to when he said 'the king is a child' sir you make some valid points sometimes and it does make it difficult to hate you

I would just like to inform everyone that it is currently 6:09 am IST and I am sipping my second mug of wine while watching netflix sab for the second time instead of doing my three papers that are due tomorrow

I'm sorry but Inej jumping to check on Zoya after she gets knocked over by the volcra? first class display of solidarity and sisterhood as well as Inej's inherent kindness

Kaz jumping in front of a FUCKING VOLCRA AND STABBING IT WITH HIS CANE to save Inej, you best believe love is true, kids

god the volcra are so ugly and gross, they did such a good job with them

they kind of remind me of these creatures (I think they might have been called Hollows or smth) from the Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children movie

STAG VISION TIME

despite my dislike for the callous nature with which the stag plotline was handled, I kind of dig the stag vision scene

'It's just me and you now, Alina. And we're all we need, anyway.' I actually feel bad for this old fool simping for this wonderful gorgeous powerful woman despite lying to her and manipulating her and exploiting her power

okay 'I never needed you' *stabs the bone fragment out of his hand* beautiful power move I fucking love you so so much

alright ben looking like ✨ that✨ not only in physical pain but also emotional pain at what the Darkling clearly considers another betrayal from this girl he wants to give the world and maybe? loves? maybe? or at least has feelings for makes my fucking heart hurt while simultaneously soar at Alina taking back control and reclaiming her power as her own and stepping into her own

'how do you claim such power' okay could have had better dialogue there writers

the fucking score lifting as she says 'you cannot claim what was not given to you' good people my heart is full

one day I'll talk about my defense of the chosen one trope because god damn I kind of love it

hmm I wonder was that brief hesitation that we saw on Alina's face due to her thinking about the 'you chose to betray our people' comment or the 'i was trying to save us' comment because that will define some of her actions in the later seasons (hopefully god if we get some, I honestly don't know what with this stupid brownface debacle)

I'm not saying talking about brownface and pointing out that it is wrong (for further context, I am actually brown) and harmful is stupid btw I'm talking about the incidents involving brownface in question

I don't wanna talk about this anymore but I might feel like I need to and end up posting about it idk

goodness Ivan actually believing in this cause makes me so sad because he too has been victimized by the system that ostracizes Grisha and he has every right to feel the way that he does

Ben actually fighting in that ridiculously heavy cloak and kefta when he's about to turn 40 this year makes me super impressed because I as a 19 year old sometimes wake up with muscle pulls after weeks of inactivity it's weird idk

also I understand that this Mal Darkling fight is completely fanservice and serves nearly no purpose to the plot in general but like I? love it?

'I don't have to kill you Darkling. Your past will do it for me' YES HIMBO GO OFF YOU TELL THAT OLD MAN GODS THAT WAS SEXY AS FUCK

maybe it's because I know Darkles will survive and will come out of it more powerful but I can't get myself to feel bad for him at the moment

Inej and Mal tearing up at Alina's condition made me almost feel something despite it being super obvious she was gonna be fine and save their asses at the last moment

HER POWER

a solitary Kaz in spotted on the western side of the newly expanded fold in his signature all black emo boy look

okay but the crows with zoya and malina is such an adorable team? I literally love them so much?

INEJ'S FUCKING SMILE AT ALINA GIVING HER THE DAGGER AND KAZ LOOKING AT HER AGSGSGSHSJSJSK MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE

SHE KNOWS JUST WHAT TO NAME IT WELL GIRLIE I KNOW IT TOO AND MY FUCKING HEART IS LITERALLY GONNA BURST

okay I know they had one interaction but Mal and Jesper would be besties in another universe

Kaz glaring at Jesper when he answers ''course not' to Alina's 'will you still be trying to kidnap me?' tell me one fucking adaptation that got the dynamics between characters this perfectly

okay why do I love that Alina kept the jewellery as maybe a small nod to she has the wits to, um, you know, I don't wanna say steal, but, um, yeah, steal it because she knew she would need money to survive on the run

oh Jessie I love you so much I wish you hadn't said those things on you ig story about the brownface

it's like every single celeb I grow attached to god's like nope that one is going to do or say something problematic (hey btw im not reassigning blame to god for stuff people have done out of their own free will, 'twas a joke)

AAAAAAAH them saying 'the deal is the deal' in the show even though they didn't have to but like they did and I love them for it

Inej literally not being able to not stare at Kaz's face and smile after this <3

'I didn't expect it to burn at all. But it can be destroyed in the end. Just like him' babe you're not wrong but like um just you wait

god Mal being on supportive boyfie mode is well, absolutely adorable, obviously, but I wish we got to see more of him as a person outside of his attachment to Alina

kaz my little demjin I wish you hadn't have had to suffer so much to meet the crows and find your calling

fastforwarding Zoya's arc is also an interesting choice to me

I wish the hug hadn't been done though, it didn't feel earned

maybe Alina awkwardly and half-heartedly (remember, at this point the alliance is fresh and they still don't entirely trust each other) reached for a hug and Zoya avoided her? and then the rest of Zoya's lines followed? that would have made more sense to me at least

I love Sujaya as well, she brought life into Zoya with whatever little screentime and scraps of writing she got

inej asking kaz 'what's your angle?' beep bop bleep morp I sense another incoming embarrassing love confession

'but we do need you' *stares at her face intensely* 'I need you' ah look at the clock, look's like it's time to screech and flap your arms like you're a volcra because you're incapable of containing your emotions

NO YOU CAN'T GO DIRECTLY FROM KANEJ PROGRESS TO HELNIK BREAKUP (TEMPORARY, MIND YOU)

helnik my loves you don't deserve this I'm so sorry for both of you

Matthias fucking smiling ruefully while he says 'this was... just a cruel joke all along' THIS IS NOT FUCKING OKAY

omg hellgate

AAAAAAAAH NINA IS ON THE SAME FRAME AS THE OG CROWS I CAN'T HANDLE THIS

CAMERA PAN FROM KAZ SAYING 'JUST HOW THIS ALL STARTED... WE'RE GONNA NEED A HEARTRENDED' TO NINA OVERHEARING HIM AND LOOKING OVER?????!!!!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME?!

Nina genuinely being curious as to the status of the sun saint because she obviously still cares

Also, 'But she is a Saint' okay Kaz trying to earn brownie points you have succeeded

DID THAT SAILOR JUST SAY 'GOED MORGEN FENTOMEN' TO MALINA BECAUSE I AM NOT OKAY WITH THEM JUST THROWING THAT IN MY FACE ALL OF A SUDDEN

gods I know I'll probably see them again but my heart is full of sorrow as my eyes drink in the sight of my crows for the last time for a while

I know people were annoyed at the meadow flashbacks but guess what? as a darklina, I loved them

'now that the Darkling is dead' could have phrased that a little differently my dudes that line needed to hold more weight

am I glad that they showed Darkles in this state with his nichevo'ya as a tasty little cliffhanger despite not being entirely true to the source material? maybe but only because Ben Barnes saying 'follow' and the nichevo'ya doing exactly so sent a chill down my spine

well, that's it for now, I'll have to move on I guess, get back to my real life which I'm obviously not ready to do

thank you to whoever actually read these things

I probably should have just made reactions or commentary videos instead but I'm lazy

my tumblr will probably go into inactivity once more as I emerge from my stint in the grishaverse

it was quite short (less than 2 months), considering the length of my other obsessions but it was definitely more intense than the other ones

#netflix shadow and bone #shadow and bone #grishaverse #grishaverse spoilers #six of crows #sab #soc #tgt #the grisha trilogy spoilers #netflix shadow and bone spoilers #shadow and bone spoilers #six of crows spoilers #sab spoilers #soc spoilers #tgt spoilers #alina starkov #jessie mei li #ben barnes #aleksander morozova #the darkling #general kirigan #darklina #malyen oretsev #malina #zoya nazyalensky #sujaya dasgupta #fedyor kaminsky #julian kostov #ivan no last name #ivan

[willowistic22]

was lowkey waiting for someone to ask me about tswift songs i associate with race bcs i’ve got a lot but no one did :’) looks like i got to take matters to my own hands then. Let’s go !! 

ME! ‘I promise that you’ll never find another like me’ I feel like if asked what Race is like most people will say that he’s ‘one of a kind’ or like he’s ‘the best person they’ve ever met’. He cares and loves in his own very unique way. But also him being him in general is already just something to love (though he still have problems with that which I will get to with the other songs) There are other lyrics that I think correlates with his personality actually like ‘I know that I’m a handful baby, uh’. Before anyone goes out to on me I know turning him into a dumbass is a bit... ehh and this lyric plays it out like that too. But I don’t actually think his only personality is just that, aight? I got more songs on this list. 

Illicit Affairs. ‘Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me’ and ‘And you know damn well, for you I would ruin myself’. Race is easy to love and care bcs he has a big heart. But oh damn, sometimes he finds himself caring or loving a bit too much for the wrong ppl. He knows better not to offer everyone his big heart that easily but sometimes he can’t help it. He loves the idea of loving and being loved back. Unfortunately, there are many times where he finds himself not being loved back and it really messes him up yknow.

New Romantics. ‘Heartbreak is our national anthem, we sing it proudly’ and ‘we’re too busy dancing, to get knocked off our feet’. Now this one is because of KONY. The song basically goes on abt the simple things those newsies want in life which can be heartbreaking bcs it’s just so simple to get for most ppl but those kids see it as a luxury. Race is the first one to embrace their unfortunate situation as something ‘happy’ bcs he can see the bright side of things if he wants to. Oh and he cares for his friends like I said. He’d get them to dance around these small simple things about their lives till they feel alright again and untouchable. These heartbreaking things is sometimes the only thing he can hang onto when things are confusing like that time around KONY. And besides he can’t just let his friends sit around hurting and sulking like that. 

Enchanted. The whole song basically. Because he is in fact very charming. Knows the right words to get ppl to fall into his arms pretty easily. And basically ppl will say it’s ‘very enchanting to meet him’. He’s smooth with the way he talks and acts. He pulls the right strings on ppl and takes special pride to it that he is very likeable to people. And honestly? I dare to say he’s very much sweet. Proper and polite when you first meet him. Once he gets to know you better, he will play the right strings to cheer you up or to get you to fall helplessly in love with him all over again. 

Death By A Thousand Cuts. ‘My heart, my hips, my body, my love Trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch’ and also ‘Gave you too much but it wasn't enough. But I'll be all right, it's just a thousand cuts’ again reinforcing the idea that when Race loves he really loves and let people move his feelings so much that when it’s the wrong ppl he gets incredibly hurt. But that second lyric I focused on for this song implies that despite the hurt Race won’t show it. His ‘I’m fine’ answers definitely has a double meaning behind it most of the time but he doesn’t wanna burden his friends with his pain which is why that’s his go to answer. He’s got this mindset that he’s the one that’s suppose to cheer people up and not the other way around. He knows that mindset isn’t good and is trying to change it but he can’t help it. 

Mirrorball. This one is because of the vibe of the song when Race is at his lowest point but also a few lyrics I want to focus on. ‘I can change everything about me to fit in’ and also ‘I'm still on that tightrope I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me’ Honestly I feel like as much as he is likeable is because he tries his absolute best to be, as in changing himself for the different ppl he first meets. I feel he has a long history of not many ppl liking him bcs he is himself and at one period in his life he changed his personality so many times just because he wants to belong. Trying to change his humor just to get ppl to simply laugh at him. He has now grown to learn that it’s not good for him to do so but still have a tough time dealing it because validation is one of his love languages. It serves a problem for Race’s big heart. He’s very open for love (like i mention before in the previous songs) that sometimes he stretches himself a million different ways to please everyone. It’s definitely why I associate him with enchanted. But really, him being him is already enchanting enough but he has bad past with just being ‘plain old race’ so he pleases others. 

Delicate. Now this one is when he finally comes to terms that he can’t and really shouldn’t please ppl. ‘He must like me for me’. One of the reasons why he loves the idea of loving and then being loved back is because of that one problem. He can still get ppl to easily like him by being smooth and pulling the right strings in them like I said before, but he’s learning now pleasing ppl isn’t always worth it. If it’s general like as an acquaintance or meeting someone for the first time or to sell papes, he’ll mostly be a pleaser but will try his best to hold back with that pleaser mentality when the new person gets closer to him to see if they do like him for him. He ofc still has a big heart that gets hurt easily but he is growing to learn to be careful with who he loves and puts his energy in. ME! is because he already has a unique personality that he should know better to love in itself while Delicate is a reminder that not everyone will love him for the way he is so he needs to be careful to not love too much. There are times where he accidentally slips away from his promise but most of the time he has learned to hold it. 

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things. Basically the song is about betrayal. After learning that the other person does not care about him the same way he does, he takes some time to heal and then once he’s strong enough he won’t hesitate to cut them out of his life. ‘Here’s to my real friends’ He knows he has ppl that loves him just the way he is, even though it’s sometimes a tough pill for him to swallow. But he’ll get there. He’s slowly unlocking that resilience in him. Race knows it’s there somewhere, he just needs time to look for it. 

Most of these might not even make sense, and for that I apologize. It might even sound like I’m just repeating myself in 7896985 different ways but that’s fine, ig... I hope I got my point across. And I also would like to point out, when I say ‘love’ it doesn’t always mean romantically, aight? It means all sorts of love. 

#racetrack higgins #race newsies #newsies #ok but these are fun #i like heheh #:)) #i wanna do more #got one in my inbox too #lemme get to that asap #aight racetrack higgins stans come and gimmie serotonin #also criticism is fine just... don't be so mean abt it pls

[princess-from-another-galaxy]

hiii, i really don’t know who to go to for expressing on how i feel about lucas's scandal on here & since i saw you first on here about his scandal, i really hope you don’t mind reading on me ranting/expressing! i would appreciate it sm plsss <3

ok well firstly, i do wanna say that at first it was so hard to believe about all of these rumors, accusations or whatnot about lucas - even tho he & sm apologized about it which had me thinking that this might be true sadly :( but tbh i am having so many mixed feelings on this - confused, hurt, disappointed, sad, betrayed & many more i can't express enough!! :( </3

i've been a lumi for quite awhile now & stan him sm & i genuinely do like, adore & admire him due to his caring nature he gives to us lumis & others. lucas really do seem like a genuine person - just by interacting with him on bubble (lysn) & watching his videos & everything. he's always the type to show & give love to others & interacted with us fans so genuinely & truly. his character is just so lovely imo & after hearing his scandal, i just thought how? how is this true? that boy wouldn't even hurt a bug to be doing this? he doesn't seem like the type who would manipulate & use someone for the sake of his own pleasure. the reason i'm saying this is bc the way he interact with fans & his members, staffs etc. & their honest thoughts/opinions on him, it was all good thoughts/opinions of him. nothing negative or bad.... :/

also i do want to add & say that i do not know lucas personally nor know how he is as a person but based on my own observations from what i said above, it's really hard to even believe that lucas, who is such a soft & caring guy, would do all this to the girls :( like whuut..?

like half of me is telling me this may be true and the other half of me is saying no, this might also be fake & even if he really did do this, there has to be a reason behind it all right!? i'm really the type to believe that anyone who chooses to do such things has to have a valid reason regardless on how bad or good of a person they are. ig i'm the type to not jump into conclusions or assume right away or believe anything so easily. i always want to hear from the person directly out first & then analyze the whole situation after before coming to a final conclusion that oh, whatever they're just an a**hole. forget it but what else am i to say.. lucas apologized publicly so.. *cries*

we never really know what happened behind closed doors between lucas & those girls & knowing how strict the kpop industry is, we don’t know what orders or whatnot that kpop idols have to go thru whenever a scandal comes up

anyways, about everything.. i am truly heartbroken & devastated. also, why do i have a feeling that maybe lucas was going thru a hard time at the time & probably felt overwhelmed by everything & needed someone to comfort him?? idk for sure but let me wear his shoes..... the fact that he chose to be with these girls, who use to be a fan of him from what the scandal says, maybe he trusted them at first then things escalated into something more which probably made them all uncomfortable? IDK i do not want to come off as if i was there & knew what happened fr like I AM JUST TRYING TO PUT MYSELF IN HIS SHOES (don't come @ me pls) ;(

but then again, it's reality & that maybe all of this could be true unless they do gather more evidence & investigate further more that it's not. (which idk if it will happen..) i really do feel bad & sad for him... c-fans are wanting him out of NCT/WAYV & tbh it will never be the same without him if he does get out or leave.. it hurts to see these comments/posts that he does not belong in the group & that he deserve to rot & calling him names etc. it's painful to read it honestly.. pls stop

lastly, whatever it is that lucas is going thru rn, i hope he comes out of this dark place & take all his past experiences/mistakes & learn from it to better himself toward his future. i wish for all the good things to come to him bc i truly believe in him that he will have a better & brighter future & life ahead waiting for him. hate me or whatnot & call me stupid or delusional but i forgive lucas & his past experiences. he was just young at the time, probably lost & confused & didn't know how to control himself. i will continue to stan/support him regardless of his past that just surfaced just now. he deserves a second chance & i believe in giving ppl second chances no matter what <3 spread love, not hate. life is short to hold onto past grudges so i rather forgive & move on & forward. with love, i wish him (& ofc everyone else reading this) a stable & happy life ahead. things probably suck now but they really do get better over time. 💞

ok, that's all. thnx for reading! ❤❤❤ (brb crying, i am getting emotional all of a sudden AHHHH) :'(

Bestie, your message was so long I thought you were the one that was going to come at me lol 😅

I feel everything you said!! It's true that we don't know him, but we do have critical thinking skills, and everything the girls (and now a guy!) have been saying sound clearly fake (and many have been proven to be fake), so we have the right to be skeptical.

And personally unless an investigation proves them to be true, I don't really believe them.

Idk if you've seen the new rumor of a man claiming to be Lucas ex (saying he's bisexual and that Lucas was "proud to have lost his virginity at 13"), saying that he believes the girls. This entire story keeps becoming more and more messy, like a bad season of a tv show, and I'm not really buying any of it....

(sidenote: if he really is bisexual, I'll be really proud of him and super supportive, but if it's true it makes me so sad that he was outed like that)

Don't cry!! I'm here if you need anything!! Stay strong!! And if you need stay off the internet for your mental healths sake 💜💜

#kpop #nct #wayv #superm #lucas wong #xuxi #yukhei #sm town #sm entertainment #label v #bisexual

[butgilinsky]

happier // rc

warning; language (i’m convinced i can’t write without swearing), heartache, drinking ig, also not proofread bc i’m lazy 

summary; where rafe cameron broke your heart and has to live with consequences of it. based on happier by ed sheeran.

word count; 2.7k+

Walking down 29th and park I saw you in another's arms Only a month we've been apart You look happier

rafe didn’t know the boy’s name, but he didn’t need to. he didn’t want to. the boy’s name didn’t change the fact that he was lifting you off of the ground and running towards the ocean while you playfully begged him to put you down. 

he supposed it was better than seeing you with someone he knew, but he knew exactly why you had to rope in someone that didn’t know rafe. everybody that knew he him knew you were off limits. it didn’t matter that the two of you had been broken up for a month, you were his. 

well, you were his. you had been his since junior year, when he had walked in to history late and asked if you knew enough of the material for him to cheat off of you. his heart practically soared when you laughed and nodded, choosing to scoot your test to the edge of the desk while you bubbled in answers. 

the island had never made rafe feel so lonely. he suspected you to come back with someone eventually, but not this soon. the two of you had gone to different colleges, and the fact that you had a guy on dec for you made rafe feel uneasy. 

but no matter how much his stomach twisted from the sight of you in someone else’s arms, he knew that it was good for you. you looked happier.

Saw you walk inside a bar He said something to make you laugh I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours Yeah you look happier, you do

it was easy for rafe to notice the way that topper stilled for a split second, his eyes widening slightly at something behind the cameron boy. he turned over his shoulder, despite topper’s attempt to distract him. 

the sight of you made rafe’s heart rate pick up, thumping loudly against his chest. your hand was locked with the same boy he had seen you with back on the island a few weeks prior. the odds of you walking into the same bar as rafe were slim, but the universe had a vendetta against rafe, that was clear to him now. 

you walked straight up to the bar, looping your arm around the boy’s neck and pressing your lips to his cheek, a wide smile spreading across both his and your lips at the gesture. rafe’s heart clenched when the boy leaned over to you, lowering his lips to your ear and saying something that had you throwing your head back in laughter. 

topper tried, yet again, to distract rafe, but it was useless. he had already seen your bright smile directed at somebody that wasn’t him, and that was enough to send him over the edge. 

“she looks happy.” was all he said, swallowing the large lump forming in his throat. 

he saw the look kelce and topper shared. he knew his friends were pitying him, but he knew why you were with someone else. he had hurt you, and now he had to live with the image of you kissing someone else engraved into his mind. 

Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you But ain't nobody love you like I do Promise that I will not take it personal baby If you're moving on with someone new

“i can’t believe you would do that right in front of me, rafe.” the tension hanging in the air was thick, thicker than rafe had wanted it to be. but this was his fault, and your reaction was valid. 

“i don’t see what the big deal is, y/n.”

“if i even look at another guy you go absolutely ape shit, but when you’re all over some other girl for the entire night, i’m just supposed to accept that?” rafe rolled his eyes, walking past you and opening his car door. 

“i don’t want to do this right now, y/n.” you stood in your place, arms crossed over your chest while you looked at him, gaze steady and harsh. “get in the car.” 

“no.” he sighed heavily, turning his command into a question with a false sense of softness behind it. when your answer didn’t change, his attempt at being reasonable flew out the window, and his anger stepped back in. 

“why do you have to be so difficult all the time? get in the car.” you shook your head, almost smirking at the sight of rafe getting so angry at the fact that you weren’t doing everything he told you to do. 

“no.” he slammed his door shut then, walking back over to you and lifting you off of your feet. “put me down.”

“not a chance.” he practically threw you into the seat after he’d opened the door, shutting it once he made sure you had all of your limbs tucked safely into your seat. 

the ride had been silent until the instrumental to your song spilled out of the speakers. the two of you glanced at each other for a moment, sharing a look of regret at the fight you had just had. rafe’s hand slid onto your thigh, gripping it softly between his fingers. 

“i’m sorry.” you hummed softly, nodding your head while looking over at him. “i love you.” 

you returned the sentiment, an uneasy feeling settling in your stomach. you knew something similar would happen eventually. it was only a matter of time before rafe broke your heart all over again. 

Cause baby you look happier, you do My friends told me one day I'll feel it too And until then I'll smile to hide the truth But I know I was happier with you

“c’mon, man. you don’t need her.” topper clapped a hand onto the boy’s back, trying to snap him back into the mood to get shit faced in order to take on midsummers. 

truth be told, rafe didn’t think there would ever be a time that he wouldn’t be head over heels in love with you. he had made mistakes, things that had been unforgivable, but he had never felt anything less than love for you. the only reason the two fo you fought the way you did was because you didn’t know how to handle the overwhelming amount of emotion you brought one another. 

but he forced a smile to the surface anyways, nodding along with topper and accepting a drink from kelce. he threw it back quickly, which made topper and rafe cheer and whistle in salute to him. 

once rafe lowered his glass, his eyes found your figure once more. the dress you wore hugged you beautifully, reminding rafe of every curve and bend of your body. he remembered the way his hands felt against your skin every night before bed. the way his hand seemed to fit perfectly on your hip, or the way you would lean into his palm when he held your head in his hands. 

it was a dress he’d never seen before. a dress that he wished he’d be able to rip off of you at the night. he saw the zipper on the backside of it, thinking of how he would’ve loved to slowly slide it down, admiring the way your breaths came out in soft pants. 

he could imagine the way you’d turn over your shoulder and watch his eyes practically devour you. he wish he could be with you right now, gripping your hips while you tugged on his tie. 

but he couldn’t do that, because you weren’t his anymore. you were smiling the same smile that he had fallen in love with all those years ago, but it wasn’t towards him. 

you were smiling at somebody that wasn’t him, and he knew that he couldn’t do anything about it. 

Sat in the corner of the room Everything's reminding me of you Nursing an empty bottle and telling myself you're happier Aren't you?

it was supposed to get better as time went on. it was supposed to come as easily to rafe as it did with you. he was supposed to get over it, get over you. 

but he didn’t. in fact, he found himself sitting in the corner of a room full of people, feeling the most alone he’d ever felt. every thing in the house had reminded him of you, pulling memories out of his subconscious and displaying them at the forefront of his mind. 

he had downed more of the bottle than he had even realized, intoxication weighing heavily in his chest while his mind raced through everything it had in your file, tucked neatly into rafe’s mind. 

he didn’t know you were there. he hadn’t seen you walk into the house, greeted by the same people you hung out with every time you were back home for the summer. he hadn’t seen or heard you until he ran into you on his way out to his car. 

“oh shit, sorry.” you rushed out, unaware of who you had run into until after the apology had fallen from your lips. your eyes softened at the sight of rafe, eyes bloodshot and shoulders slumped in his drunken state. 

“don’t worry about it.” he whispered, pushing a soft smile to the surface. 

"i should’ve watched where i was going, my fault.” he nodded, unsure of what else to say to you in this situation. 

he hadn’t spoken to you in months. not after your screaming match that ended in rafe telling you to ‘get the fuck out’. he rememberd the sound of the door slamming, and your tires screeching against the pavement as you pulled out of the driveway. the same noises he heard every time his mind reminded him how bad he had messed up. 

“how are you?” he was surprised you were sparking a conversation with him. he thought you hated him, thought you had given up on all things related to rafe cameron the second you left his house that day. 

he didn’t know the half of it. 

“as good as i can be, i guess.” he wished he could take the words back as soon as he said them, but the way your smile faltered ever so slightly was enough to tell rafe that you still cared. you didn’t want to see him upset. you wanted him to be happy. “how are you?”

“good.” you nodded, though rafe had detected a tone that didn’t exactly back up your claim. “i’m good.” 

were you as happy as rafe assumed you were?

Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you But ain't nobody need you like I do I know that there's others that deserve you But my darling I am still in love with you

“rafe, stop!” sarah had been begging for him to stop for the past ten minutes, not knowing what else to do other than watch her brother destroy his bedroom.

picture frames had been shattered, glass scattered across the floor. he had thrown his lamp at a nearby wall, shattering the ceramic base. the room had turned into a hazard quickly, uninviting to anybody that didn’t have shoes on. 

he grabbed the next thing he could reach, not taking a moment to look at it or think if it was something that he wanted to keep. he didn’t care about anything in his room right now, his vision blurred by tears and his throat scratchy from screaming at the top of his lungs. 

“rafe, don’t throw that. rafe! y/n gave that to you!” rafe stopped then, letting sarah’s words register in his mind. 

his arm lowered, eyes locked onto the golf cart in his hand. it had been a joke originally. you thought it was funny that they sold toy golf carts and bought one for rafe as an ‘i saw this and thought of you’ gift. 

you didn’t expect him to put it on his nightstand beside a photo of the two of you. his favorite picture of the two of you. it was at midsummers, your head tucked underneath his chin as the two of you swayed back and forth. he was looking down at you with eyes full of adoration and a smile soft enough to make just about anybody’s heart melt. 

rafe’s chest caved in then, sobs racking through his body as he fell to his knees, unaware of the pain from glass cutting into his skin. sarah had ran over to him as quickly as she could while simultaneously trying to avoid shards of glass. 

“i need her, sarah.” sarah’s heart slammed against her chest at the desperation in his voice. she had never seen rafe like this, and she didn’t know how she was meant to help. 

“it’s going to be okay, rafe.”

“no it isn’t sarah. she’s gone. i’m still in love with her and she’s gone.” 

Baby you look happier, you do I knew one day you'd fall for someone new But if he breaks your heart like lovers do Just know that I'll be waiting here for you

the constant ache eventually dissipated. there had still been something missing from rafe’s heart, but it didn’t hurt as much. it didn’t pain him to think about you, or see pictures of you online.  

however, the sight of you with another person’s arm wrapped securely around you would never get easier. 

at the end of the day, rafe knew you looked happy, and that’s all he truly wanted. he had bribed sarah to ask how you truly were, and when she came back with only good news for you and bad news for rafe, he knew he had to let go. 

sure, he’d always love you, and he knew there was a part of you that would always love him, but he had to stop living in a world where you’d inevitably fall back into his arms at the first inconvenience in your new relationship. 

truth be told, you’d never be able to love a person the same way you loved rafe cameron. things weren’t always pretty, but there ws love behind everything the two of you did. you wouldn’t be able to experience that love with anyone else, and you weren’t sure you wanted to. 

there would always be a place for the other in your hearts, and that was exactly why rafe blocked your path on the way to the restrooms on the beach. he had seen you step away from your new beau for the first time all day, and he was going to act on it. 

“hi rafe.” you held a smile, and your voice dripped with a knowing tone that made rafe smile back at you. 

“hi.” you raised both of your eyebrows at the short answer, expecting him to pour out a long heartfelt speech to you if given the chance. “i just wanted to say hi and make sure you’re doing well.” 

you laughed softly and nodded. you were happy but you couldn’t ignore there was a piece of your heart missing. you knew exactly where it was, lodged into the hands of the boy standing mere inches away from you. 

“i’m good, rafe, thank you.” he nodded again, surprised you hadn’t tried to walk off yet. 

“that’s good, i’m glad to hear that.” you nodded again, about to tell him you should head to the bathroom like you originally had planned before he was speaking again. “i just wanted to let you know that i’m glad to see you happy, it’s nice.” 

you were even more confused now, not expecting rafe to say anything nice about the fact that you were with somebody that wasn’t him. 

“but, if he ever breaks your heart, just know that i’ll be here, waiting to patch it back up.” he gave you a final smile before walking past you, lightly bumping your shoulder in his stride. 

you stood there, left with the confusion of rafe cameron’s words and your feelings. you couldn’t ignore the thud in your chest at the confession, but you also couldn’t ignore the voice in your head that reminded you of how things ended between you and rafe. 

were you happier without rafe?

-

obx taglist: @rafej-cambanks @sportygal55 @diverdcwn @maybankiara @mdlyncline @dpaccione @dontjinx-it @popeheywards @solllaris​

#rafe cameron #rafe #rafe x reader #drew starkey #obx #the obx #the outer banks #outer banks #outer banks netflix

[stray-tori]

TPN Vol 8 - Chapters 66-70 Thoughts

[we're already on vol 9 but I'm slow with compiling]

I know I always rag on the "cop out" deaths and it is true that no corpse no dead, and I am curious if there will be any more worldbuilding regarding Lucas' survival (hello deus ex machina person) but uh. Idk. I'm sure it has a point and it makes sense in universe (having him be the reason for the knowledge among GP kids is good) but it just feels a little. Eh. Like it feels like paddling back on a small part of geezers guilt and feelings. In part it also feels like a "reward" for choosing the heroes moral side and going to help save Emma (why ever that happened - ig bc Gilda would blow up the shelter if he doesn't so. YAY).

...

Obviously the development is still his, and he obviously isn't expecting to find anyone alive there, but ig i felt like he was leading up to... healing more through the kids and not one epic Emma speech and "oh your one friend is alive btw" reveal later on. It feels like a spark of hope and happiness for him that I'm not sure if was needed narratively. He already decided he wouldn't harm them.

Like maybe they handle it very differently so i might be jumping the gun here but idk. It just feels a little... weird to me. Probably in a similar way how speeches about Norman hurt but also kind of get that "well uh about that...." Air once you know. I feel for the characters and their separation but it doesn't have the same weight it could have anymore.

In theory it reminds me a bit of the whole gate reveal structure in s2. With a setup being built up or established and a reveal just going "nvm that's not what we're doing".

It makes sense, I'm just not a huge fan of what it does for me for previously established things.

But i guess writing wise it puts its cards on the table with small scale Lucas and then Norman haha.

.

I find it rly funny how much the arc sort of mirrors the s2 arc so far (character assumed dead is alive, new cast of demon kill children introduced, a plan to kill demons).

Ig that might be intentional, for all intents it's a good method of conveying character change. Or different specifics or how things might be judged differently with different specifics (like hunting for enjoyment vs. farming)

I'm totally jumping in on this too early but idk it's interesting to think about.

That and also our whole "There's someone I want you to meet" - "ITS NORMAN" jokes made me think, like you could probably ACTUALLY restructure some of this in a way that would allow Norman's return here instead lol. Could be a fun AU, esp since we have the seeds of a (small-scale) demon annihilation plan anyway.

I also just find it funny to think about Norman grumbling from his future self that Emma agreed to some random guy's plan so easily udkhjsd

Obviously the time is a bit of a mess -- it's only been 3 months? is Adam out bc Norman's escaped already or was Adam just shipped to GP? if he already escaped, our boy is quick - plus, why would he go to GP. the supporters in Lambda probably know it's been compromised, so aside from freeing the children, there isn't a lot of reason to go there and while that may have priority, I feel like 3 months is a bit of a short timeframe for Norman to settle in there well enough -- so it's more wonky than anything BUT IT'S FUN TO THINK ABOUT.

.

btw I find it so funny how Emma has that whole "intent to kill" thing going on now, considering her later moral stance - like it's fair but coming from s2 it's a bit of whiplash haha especially since she's so determined about it right from the start. (though I have no idea if she ever addressed killing demons before this, memory bad)

Though notably she said "she wants to shut down the hunting ground too", not "want to kill them too" - and it's good that she draws a line but IDK IT'S JUST INTERESTING because what bothers her is the toying / no respect for their lives, right? - "this kind of hunt", not hunting in general.

... so like, if you were hunted by a demon in the wild, who didn't toy with you, just killed and ate you, that would be fine then? Idk, it's a very fine line and I get it, but it's interesting to think about. A quick, suffer-less death is of course a valid thing to want if you will die anyway, but you're dead afterwards in both variants.

Of course maybe I'm reading it wrong and it's just her sort of realizing that between mass production farms and GP, they really did have it good, even if they died an early death, and how this is much more hate-worthy than GF's method. Which is true, I suppose, and might expand on the building blocks of her moral development down the line (as in "there's different stages of demon-badness").

.

Also a more funny thought but imagine if Lucas DID have the pen, would... Geezer-senpai just not find the way back? And even if he did would he even get into the bunker? That'd be one tragic ending pff. Tell the person to run away and they can't even go back inside sudhdjd

.

Also i thought about it and isn't it weird that none of the books or materials mentioned what goldy pond actually is? Like youd expect sth that important to be in there.

We know WM wasn't at the bunker in the last 13 years and we know that the books he supplied to GF, the newest one was 2015. What if he was discovered or had to limit his WM activity 30 years ago?

So 30 years ago, he still sent people to goldy pond.

I'm just realizing.... That totally sounds like a setup for minerva to actually be on the demons side or a demon himself sjdhjddj. Like he orchestrates escapees (who are likely to be smart) and then sends them to GP where he and his noble friends can hunt them.

But where i was actually going with this uh, what if GP 30 years ago (potentially longer depending on how long ago he was there last) wasn't actually a hunting a ground? Why would you send kids there without a warning otherwise? What if it WAS a small human community (tho that would likely have been passed around by the inhabitants) or it was at least WM supporter base like the bunker, intended for humans to live there. Not sure about mansion then but YKNOW.

If it was, i wonder if it being discovered was a huge part in WM cover being blown OR if the demons decided to keep it secret bc you know this place is rly convinient haha

I also wonder how wm even finds and builds all these underground things lol. Bc it can't have existed since before the world split i think?

Man has some big construction projects running pfff.

I'm also not sure how that underground thing works-

.

its tori is confused about minor things hour

[Emma takes the axe with right hand, her right hand is still behind her as if she was winding up, but the axe is already thrown?]

like if she had the axe still in hand it'd make sense or if it was in her hand AND spinning, it'd be like "2 frames".

but this?? i am just-

.

im rly late with this but the glove is Lucas' memorial. the pair will only be together again when they reunite :<<

what I want to know is HOW. like the John thing is already questionable but I guess he could have gone back again?? but with this.

he has both gloves when they part he still have one glove on when his arm is gone. but the arm Leuvis has, doesn't have a glove?? So either Leuvis took it off but i wouldn't know why, and just dropped it on the ground for geezer to come pick up ORRRR he took one off for some reason?? maybe he threw it at the demon pff something is very un-continous here and i need answers-

.

the duality of man... not wanting people to know a) your age and b) your name (which you may have forgotten, who knows)

we just assumed geezer's name is censored here but I guess it could be anything haha-

#tpn #tpn manga #tpn manga thoughts #tpn manga theory #tpn theory #tpn spoilers #tpn manga spoilers #ynn spoilers #ynn manga spoilers #tori talks #tori has opinions

[ibelonginthepast]

okay I need your klance fic recs(i feel like you have really good taste)(i mean your icon is literally THE keith of course you have god tier taste)

okay so the thing is.. that when i say am kinda messed up and disgusting sometimes... and becoming a madwoman... am not over exaggerating or saying it in a funky way.. i actually am getting like that .. and that's how i got into the klance fandom initially. i project through lance and read really langsty fics.. and they are messed messed with like violent nsfw, gore, horror, serious mental health issues etc? so if u want those... i'll only send them if u want?

yeah tho i entered with this thingy that klance is gonna be like my guilty pleasure or some shit but them i inevitably fell in love with some GORGEOUS fanfictions out there and KEITH KOGANE in all shapes sizes genders and ages so lol...

but they aren't flowery. that's just not my taste. Some of them might be "problematic"? it's in quotes because i don't agree with it. it's not going to be problematic in plain ignorant sense like racial issues or blatant sexism or mental abuse.... but they might have like stuff which people dont always agree with like drugs. most of them would have nsfw it's just something that i need to have for feels and that's why i asked if u minded it. some things are like more subjective,, characterizations for example, cause like some people dont think keith is a skirt guy cause he isnt in fashion but i think he is petty and rebellious so he will defo do that? some of them would have like physical fights and stuff.. or keith and lance being mean to each other.. some ugly habits which aren't necessarily condemned like anger or drugs.? but with how i see it, it's not glorified, so i see them as human. i love the raw and ugly in these or idk its just human to me (but some people dont like which is completely valid cause we are all different from different environments and think different and resonate with different stuff.)

wait addition: i think some of them will have sexist themes? which i have complained about a lot before. i dont know why authors feel the need to somehow put women down to show how a mlm relationship without any women is superior or some shit it's annoying as fuck i hate it. i dont think i would have any especially sexist fics here, but there might be some with lowkey themes and bad handling of those issues. some of them mau have that subtext of disgusting heteronormative standards, but in subtext uk like bottom lance having a small waist and being giggly and all in contrast to big bulk keith.

here are some that i had bookmarked... but i may remember some more and then send them to u and or add them here...

a heads up.. i dont remember all of them very well. its been a while and i read fanfictions A LOT so yeah.. incase one slips up here which isnt very good am sorry dont judge me

the bold ones are the ones u should really check out if our taste is similar.

to begin with plain f l u f f,, my first klance bookmark was How Could I Say No? by Padfoots_Pawprint. tws for violence, bullying, injury BUT it's not actually gory or something like that it's just keith being keith and getting hurt and lance helping my boi like he should. it made me feeeeeeeel ksksk

this was one that kinda really touched me,, Wasted youth, Cryptids, and Waterboys by Baea THIS HAS EXPLICIT NSFW in it, the first chapter kicks off with it.. its a good fuck buddies to lovers in my opinion.. i love the writing style, the choice of how it's just a couple entries of random days in their lives. i love keith's characterization.. he is a hobo and a conspiracy nerd.. i love how down for him lance is, very dedicated. i love their growth.. i love how they help each other grow,, and it's so like real and usual day to day and human and down to earth idk how else to express it. this is INCOMPLETE. it's 12 chapters and discontinued as of now,, but it's not a deadly cliffhanger

similar in style and approach to the above. tho i think here is where it gets dubious. Easy, Tiger. by @/WhatTheBodyGraspsNot ... this is INCOMPLETE too and as of now discontinued. this has that sorta murky vibe with it's drug usage, them being teenagers in school and engaging in stuff like this, bad boy keith and all. this has nsfw too. i just remember really liking it and its very raw and unfiltered. tho it's incomplete it's not an open ending for now.

okay so i am restarting this but am upset as fuck that it all got deleted so i am gonna be lazy and not put as much effort as i did.

i have also Crowd Pleaser bookmarked by the same author,, this one's complete and it has some serious issues around gaslighting if i remember correctly... i really liked it then. keith is literally an angel here, i want to kidnap him and marry him literally. the s h w ee t e s t shit ,, and i like how lance gives him all the support and space to get his shit together

Drummer boy by klancekorner,, i think it's similar to the prev one, but lance's pov(which is what i prefer ngl). this authors fanfics are all just wholesome. i had put links to all their fics before, but imma now just say that u should go and check all their fics out. i have them all bookmarked, i must have seen something in them (can't remember what now tho and i cant be bothered to skim through them like last time *rolls eyes*)

War of hearts? idk why honestly, just ik keira has made me gay, and lesbian rejection angst? garrison? yes :) it's incomplete, conveniently left at the point where lance's heart is broken lol

Fuck buddies with benefits. THE NAME IS BAD I KNOW but i just love the idea of a dedicated mess of a keith and lance taking care of him. that's it that's the fic if i remember correctly. oh wait yeah u might think keith is not treating lance right, but i think it's fine if lance is treated a bit stupid. this is a bit too sex driven tho i dont like it but just SLEEPDEPRIVED KEITH TO TAKE CARE OF IMMA SIGN UP (ik this maybe coming off toxic but lol look at me)

Rambling: THIS WAS ME.

Last Defense: TW SUICIDE this is literally the langst i have for canon lance

I want something else: bad boy keith can break my limbs and cut my face and i will thank him

A thank you would be nice: keira damn

game-set-match: b a d b o y

I swear to go the devil made me do it: my typically fav trop, hardcore pining lance, literally perfect angsty keith. very similar to the top ones ig? idk also this one is one of my comparatively recent sane bookmarks so that's something. it starts off weird, u think it gon be subtly sexist but it turns out better so hold on

you've got me locked up: i think it's delinquent keith,, its floofy

Dad lance and tattoo artist keith: the name says it

damn while going through my bookmarks i realized that there are a lot of things i never bookmarked? i am pretty sure i loved a lot of long fanfictions, flower shop aus and tattoo artists shit wtf-

wait here's one, it's not complete: Blood jumps in the sun: it's very heavy has a lot of growth and kinda wholesome,, tags and summary will give u an idea what u getting in.

The lessons we learned: can't remember much other than florist keith, sad keith, smart keith, really long, pining

damn i think i have a lot of happy ones i didn't bookmark cause my brain was like u dont deserve the serotonin :( i'll add if i have more)

some actually angsty, detailed nsfw and messy (according to the way u interpret these) ones... lemoninagin.. they have some very detailed and explicit nsfw stuff but i am not there for it. some of it has the kind of angst i like? an actual one that i love and they recently posted and the reason am putting them here is infinitesimal. best friends to lovers and tho usually it's not my cup of tea.. it's a character study, an interpretation of klance in a modern world i dare say,, which is very similar to mine. the thing about them is that i like their characterization a lot, and in no love in this, i like what kind of background stories they give to klance in their aus. i haven't read many by them, so if u want u can check them out.

i just realized i have put some lowkey sad/fucked fics here... i did remove 5 rn... i hope its all good damn why am i doing this i feel like am putting myself naked out there when i recommend my favs

#dont reblog

[normal-thoughts-official]

Oooh yeah the first time I was playing as a female mc because I wanted to romance ava and I usually go male mc if I want to romance a man and female mc if I want to romance a woman (and I think there was one book with where mc could be non-binary so I picked that one but I didn't finished the book), and Stacy's brother felt Hetero™ in a way, like Hollywood ish (? Honestly like cinematographicly bad hetero) but I ended up really loving Andy too, and Stacy felt a little flat but also I really liked her potential, like go crazy girl, and the mom issues.

Apart but holy shit you're 10000% right about that teacher like who inmediately threatens expulsion just like that for something not violent ??? And to an honor student with way too much on his plate ??? Obviously it would have been bad with any student, but you have literally the reason of why he's doing it and as a teacher HE LITERALLY COULD HAVE HELPED WITH IT ??????? Like something teachers can't really help students because it's a family thing only or is a financial struggle or etc but it was literally because of school (and his family, but the teacher could have heloed him with the school part)

(Identity thief anon (also I go by any pronouns ahhshs))

ur valid! that's lowkey what i wish i'd do (picking female MC if my fave LI is female and the other way around, i mean) but unfortunately i always go into the stories blindly having no idea what i'll find </3 so i cant really do that doiajdiosa and then i get attached for the MC i picked so i feel bad about changing their gender/name/appearance when i replay. so what i usually do is that i pick a male MC when i get the option because A- u don't always get the option, so i end up being male half the time and female half the time either way; and B- i feel slightly more comfortable with a male identity than a female one. like i'm still nonbinary and i wouldn't consider myself male aligned or within the gender of Man, but like... when i first came out i went by any pronouns but then because im afab everyone was like "cool, she/her only it is" so i was like fuck that and stopped using she/her. so i feel slightly more comfortable with a masc MC and end up going with that

there's also the fact that it always feels slightly genderfucky to have a male MC because choices is so sexist and also always writes the stories assuming ull pick a female MC, even when they give u the option not to. so when u pick a male MC he's very like not toxically masc and some things they add to make a QuiRkY MC that are very white woman and would feel annoying are actually kind of subversive for my black and brown male MCs. so like another win for queerness /j

ILITW MC in particular i feel has HUGE nonbinary vibes like no reason at all he just does <3 maybe it's just that for once the male clothes for ILITW actually fUCK. i wanna dress in that goth outfit <3 so gorgeous ugh. i love him even tho he's a fucking dumbass

also there's a book where an MC can be enby? worm? ive only ever read one book in choices with any enby characters at all (america's most elligible, books 2-3) but they weren't even a LI which is disappointing cuz they were a billion times superior to any of the LIs. sorry america's most elligible LIs fans

also oh connor IS the epitome of white cistraight man even when u play as a man tbh, like he was just so cistraight to me daouhdsaojdasij he kind of annoys me but also i forget that he even exists until he shows up onscreen and choices starts trying to push me into his lap and i'm just like, ugh, not again

and yeah i think i feel a similar way about stacy. i don't dislike her as a character and i don't feel like she as a character felt flat, her growth was very interesting and i loved seeing her start to challenge her mom like YESSS GO GIRL GIVE US EVERYTHING, she just felt flat as a LI to me ig? like idk i didn't feel chemistry between her and my MC personally, but also like, stacy girls are valid u know

right exactly. like i don't think ppl really understand that a school that doesn't drive people to cry during finals week and feel absolutely crushed by having to be there and that makes ppl feel like they're stupid, not enough, and overwhelmed IS IN FACT POSSIBLE and actually pretty easy to make when we stop treating students like statistics that will get the school more clients/funding (depending on whether it's a private or public school). and like as a teacher getting my degree in brasil it just feels completely surreal to me that anyone would see a student who's so overwhelmed by the amount of extracurriculars and responsibilities he feels like he has to take that he starts taking drugs to help his performance despite it affecting his health, and see that as like... something morally reprehensible? like it is bad that it happened but it's not the student's fault, what's morally reprehensible are the circumstances that led to his decision, not his decision

and like it is very much a systemic problem, more and more kids are taking focus pills to be able to survive the pressure of school and have a shot at a future, either on their own or because we are actually medicalizing not existing to be productive. and if it's a systemic problem then the fault is at the system?? and like holy shit i legit don't understand why choices gave us options like being like "it still isn't enough" when lucas gets rid of his pills, what do you mean it isn't enough??? enough for what??? to FORGIVE him???? for something that only hurt himself??? for something that is very much a systemic problem and therefore NOT HIS FAULT????? literally what the fuck even is this, lucas doesn't have to "make up" for a single thing, he needs to be HELPED is what he needs

like idk i know that the school system in the US is...... extremely backwards lmao which is not a term i like to use because it usually implies imperialistic views but the US is the height of world imperialism so like actually idc. brasil has a pretty progressive constitution and as a teacher my whole education was focused on being critical of the school system, particularly the productivity obsession, and drilling into us again and again that we aren't supposed to just be teaching subjects, we are also supposed to be teaching how to be a citizen, be a critical human being, work towards building a better future, and learning and growing AS A PERSON to be healthy and happy are values of the school system

like that's easier said than done when schools are under insane amounts of pressure by companies in practice to be productivity-driven, and most teachers who actually want to do a good job end up having to live at the edge of the knife and constantly fighting back outside pressure, but at least it is very much a mandatory part of our education to become teachers and also like literally part of the constitution. so i just... i can't fathom reacting the way mr cooper did? like as a teacher i felt BETRAYED, i felt like he shat all over my profession because that is the opposite of what we should be doing, this is a kid who needs help

and just like hOLY SHIT HE DID NOTHING WRONG, what are you punishing him for??? it's not even a like, stealing bread to feed your family situation, because what he did HAS NO VICTIM OTHER THAN HIMSELF, and therefore HE IS THE VICTIM NOT THE CULPRIT. he doesn't have to repent or atone or answer for a single fucking thing, he didn't victimize others, he doesn't have to apologize, there's nothing to punish him fOR??? like i don't believe in punishment anyway cuz im a prison abolitionist but doDAUSDJADASIJDAS???????????? HE DIDN'T. HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. WHY IS THIS WHOLE GAME ACTING AS IF HE WAS IN THE WRONG. OH MY GOD

it's like saying that someone needs to be forgiven for self harming????? like how is it that someone has been hurt continuously until it led them to hurt themselves and then they have to? make up for it to a bunch of other ppl? my god it makes me so mad and i genuinely don't understand the logic, like usually when i see someone doing fucked up shit i can see the logic but i don't agree with it, but this time i genuinely DON'T SEE THE LOGIC. my USan friends said it was because he was technically doing drugs but like i legit still don't understand

anyway any school that drives a student to do something like that needs to rethink their entire curriculum and the psychological effect it's having on kids, because lucas is 1- not even the first one according to mr cooper; 2- even if he was, that'd be the only one who got CAUGHT; and 3- even if there was really only one singular student who went tHIS far, i doubt the others weren't feeling that same pressure and dealing with it in other similarly unhealthy ways

i know that's probably easier in brasil than in the US even if it's by no means easy here because here at least in public schools the curriculum and political-pedagogical plan has to be agreed on by the school community (teachers, parents, students, workers, and anyone who lives in the area of the school) and it's updated every year, so like, you have more means to do something to change the school in a deeper way, altho of course that still has to mean swinging the rest of the community, but still. but at the very least he could have looked for counseling for him? tried to find a way to take some of the workload off his shoulders? given him some more time on assignments? motioning for all the clubs he was the president of to have co-presidents so he was less overwhelmed?

like there was just daodsao he could have done so many things and he justs DIDN'T he chose to not only punish him instead but quite literally THREATEN HIM WITH DEATH because that's what calling the police on a latino student over a drug charge is. like he might've survived but the possibility that he would fucking DIE was very much there, and i know choices didn't think of that because they'd rather die than think about the racial implications of anything but holy fucking shit. and im not even getting into how mr cooper is BLACK because then ill just start biting people like thanks for putting that threat on a black character's mouth choices. if u need me ill be foaming at the mouth

anyway SORRY god why is it that i always get to the salty part within 2 seconds of joining a fandom i promise that i actually like it lives and the way they handled most of their plot, i genuinely think it's a very well written and actually worth ur time story but i just doadosaida like i said particularly as a teacher in the context where i'm being taught, plus with all my political beliefs, i just can't let it go aaaa

also ty for telling me ur pronouns! idk if i assumed them at any time, i don't think so but i might have done so without realizing and if i did im really sorry. also sorry for the gigantic salty reply daojdsaojdaisjsajdoadsaodasj rip me i never shut up

#it lives spoilers #ilitw spoilers #it lives #salt #long post #drugs tw #cops tw #police brutality tw #racism tw #victim blaming tw #anti connor green #ilitw #lucas thomas #ask #identity thief anon #self harm tw

[beizhuo]

alright folks , i made this post last night about amending my carrd rules . & now , after calming somewhat down from getting sick to my stomach about it , i must now make one final update post about this to make people really & fully understand where i stand . why ? because i am , once again , having / needing to finely comb through the people i want to follow & interact with due to some very , VERY toxic behavior & terrible , childish individuals that think its real cute to stalk , harrass , steal , & gatekeep folks . 

understand that i will NOT be namedropping anybody in this post . this is not my intention . i am not out here to isolate folks or make people ‘ chose sides ’ . making people do that is absolutely horrible ! i do not give a damn who other people interact with . i do , however have extreme issues with theft ( amongst other things ) . i can draw a god damn line at theft ! 

harassment ? don’t care . you’re trolling , i can ignore you . gatekeeping . you’e petty and attention seeking im here for friends anyway . but actual literal theft - i can draw a line there . please get out & OFF MY BLOG if you are so unoriginal that you haveta steal from me or my friends !

please know that you can interact with those thieves & gatekeepers , i don’t care ! but understand that i will most likely softblock you because i genuinely do not want them to find me . no hard feelings . ( they have found my other 2 blogs , and i am tired of them finding me ! especially for baizhu ! i don’t even follow some of my friends here cause of this ! ) i am not even in the genshin community to begin with . my group ? we don’t do communities for toxic behavior and people being so exclusive to the point of driving people out & away . its distasteful and mean ! do you know that i have some friends that were cut off from communities entirely all because they were a dupe ? tHAT is the kind of dupe drama i fucking hate . along with theft . anyway . i will start from the beginning of my rules that i deem important .

DUPLICATES . ( AND MIMICRY / THEFT )

the irony that this is the first point . it is like it was a wonderful transition . anyway . this is actually having to deal with two rule points . and i want to group them together cause they are related .

myself & a few other people have come to find out that .... there is somebody AT THE VERY LEAST taking inspo from us . i will start with dupes .

my friend has a character and was WHOLLY mistaken for another mun . which is fine . that happens , but things took a turn for the worse when they were then shunned / cut off because they werent ‘ good enough ’ . do you know how HORRIBLE that is ? to be told that you aren’t good because you weren’t the mun that they wanted ? this is the type of shit i cannot stand with dupe drama . DO NOT EVER COMPARE DUPES WITH ONE ANOTHER !!! i mean it . 

i follow different childes ! and you know what i adore them both . they are both amazing ! 

sure i may have my mains / exclusives ( and im not inclined to interact with other blogs of that same character ) but i still like portrayals . i do , in fact , just READ threads sometimes . i don’t necessarily follow for interactions . like ffs man . i like variety . jesus christ .

going to mimicry / theft . you know ... i have fucking seen this with a couple of friends . there is a difference between coincidental similarities , however ! for myself & for my friends , we have SEEN inspo taken from us . im gonna say this really loud for people .

MIMICRY IS NOT FUCKING FLATTERY . 

do not take inspo from me . especially without credit . absolutely do NOT do it . you are very unoriginal for doing that shit . 

now , you like something i make / made ? you are inspired to want to make something ? fine , that’s okay , you can ALSO fucking ask me , you can also credit me . as you fucking should ! you can notify me and go , damn , i really like your style , do you mind if i use it in xyz ? sure , go right ahead . do it . im begging you , go ahead and do it IF YOU FUCKING ASK ME . god im so fucking angry about this , but this is some vile shit . and im angry .

i am angry and terrified cause i literally cannot get away from these people cause they seem to be wherever i go . i DO NOT DO COMMUNITIES BECAUSE OF THIS .

as a good friend said : it’s like they are a virus that you cannot get rid of .

thats what happens with attention seekers unfortunately , but for the sake of my safety & health , i will not have it on my blog or dash . if i see these people on my dash often , i will unfollow .

and it isn’t like a specific person , its a GROUP of people . which leads me to my next point .

DRAMA / CALLOUTS.

imagine having beef with an individual , and then going around and gatekeeping that individual and getting people to unfollow / block them . im not talking about , ‘ hey this person is vile because they ship incest ’ . i am talking about ‘ i had a disagreement with this person & they hurt my feelings >:/ they are mean and will hurt you . etc etc etc . ’ 

i do not give a flying fuck about somebodies issues with another person . so you guys don’t get along . not my problem . i have people that hate me . i have friends where i hate their friends . shit happens . i am probably absolute scum to some people lol . i get mistaken for other people sometimes . it’s fine , hate me cause you think im that person . that person is snowflake repellent anyway , go choke on your kool aide that you are drinking ig . 

okay sorry i am angry but still . people claim and cry about wanting to talk & communicate . but then . guess what . sometimes shitty people are like , so this person said this to me , and they are mean . IF YOU ARE THE PERSON THAT GOES ‘ OH MY GOD HOW DARE THEY ’ AND BLOCK THEM THEN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM . i will give an example . of using my two names that i have .

somebody goes to amphy and says ‘omg ghost said this , and im frustrated and angry with them cause what he said was uncalled for . ’ if amphy goes ‘ omg ghost is shitty ’ and then unfollows / blocks them without any other discussion , then thats an issue cause ghost has no idea wtf happen . amphy got involved in YOUR relationship with ghost even though ghost has been nothing but kind and sweet to you . you also don’t know if amphy is just victimising or being emotional either . so why they fuck would you believe somebody who is venting to you about it and then block somebody who did literally NOTHING to you .

i dont know if i explained that correctly but i will give you something more realistic , again without namedropping .

i have a few friends that hate one another . i’ve known all of them for years . but they all , i kid you not , they ALL fucking hate each other . there’s three of them . and they cannot stand each other . i just happen to be somebody who gets along with all of them . you bet your ass that at one point , they all came to talk mad shit about the others . what did i do ? i went , oh okay . well im sorry that you have issues with them . sounds like a bad experience , but i can’t do anything about that cause i am not you and i am not them . if you are gonna change my mind , it isn’t gonna happen , sorry !

i have had people shit talk people i have no idea who they are , and i just sit here just being a source for them to vent , but i never NEVER EVER act on anything i hear . why ? cause its petty drama and gossip . if you do that , then damn , sorry kiddo , get some help on that alright ? maybe be nicer . i dunno .

now . racism ? pedophilia ? incest ? HARMFUL SHIT ? that’s different . but again , theres a lot of miscommunication . i have people coming and pulling the cards like they are hot shit  and that isn’t fucking cute . THAT ISN’T CUTE GUYS . you are the problem if you try to victimize yourself cause of something YOU misinterpreted .

i have a friend that has this on their blog .

i am literally going off on a god damn tangent . anyway . :) 

fuck you if drink kool aide .

THERE ARE OTHER MENTAL DISORDERS! YOU ARE ABLEIST IS YOU ERASE THE OTHER (UN)COMMON ONES.

i know that autism is the ‘common’ one here . you are valid okay . but guess what . ADHD , BPD, DiD, and straight up depression and anxiety are also things as well ! there are MANY folks here that are also undiagnosed as well OR they lay on some sort of spectrum as well . I am once again not going to disclose my own things here cause again THAT IS PRIVATE INFO , but fuck you if you refuse to see other disabilities .

also there are physical disabilities as well btw .

if you are not understanding of any other disability , or you wanna mute / deafen other mental disorders , YOU ARE THE FUCKING PROBLEM .

end of story . 

treat other people how you want them to treat you and don’t you dare ever shove your baggage at them . thanks . 

please be more understanding that some people are not okay:tm: . 

i implore you to get help if you need help , but sometimes some people dont have to take your shit . and they most certainly do not need to sit and take your issues if they are not okay either . its toxic and very unhealthy behavior to expect others to help you . they can help you as best as they can , but you need to understand that everybody has their moments . do not guilttrip them . do not gaslight them . 

but also understand that sometimes , people are saying things cause they genuinely need help ! you can be there for them but as a friend , you need to also tell them your own boundaries as well and tell them that they need to seek professional help .

but also , if somebody refuses to get help , then that is on them . not on you . 

anyway another tangent , but back to the point . autism , while you need to understand is something you need to see and understand , is not the only mental disorder ! and you need to understand that some people suffer from really REALLY shitty things and are sometimes undiagnosed . i am really REALLY tired of depression , ADHD , BPD, and DiD getting brushed under the rug like they are not important . cause guess what , there are spectrums ! all mental health is important . fuck you if you disregard the other disorders , you are being ableist .

STOP HATE READING PEOPLE.

im really sick and tired of this . you don’t like something somebody said ? you can either : ask what they meant or block / unfollow them . 

DO NOT FUCKING STALK THEM EITHER . 

you have an obsession if you hover on their blog too .. do not do that . that is SO unhealthy for you . here is what a friend said on twitter . ( not name dropping them , just copy pasting them )

❛ i stg people need to fine a better hobby than to hate read a persons blog or profile. not a good look on you when you go and read what they post about just to get angry at something you think they said and then you go off spewing lies about it cause 'youre offended.'  

like you already hate them in the first place. you weren’t 'looking to see if they were a better person.' youre just looking to find another thing to hate about them. 

that is what hate reading is about. so you can read their posts and find just another reason to hate and laugh at how bad you think they are.

but it doesnt make you a better person. it just makes you a sad person with no life. stop hate reading people. grow tf up. go breathe on some plants or something idk.

i say this very loud and clear . if you hate read me , i live in your head rent free . not my problem . but it does become my problem if you begin to steal shit and start spewing lies about myself or my friends . grow up and move on with your life . sorry my life seems more interesting than you ig . idk .

anway this got long , and at this point i am going off on a tangent but !!!!

TL ; DR

read my rules ig . idk .

you can dm me for more info if you want . at this point i have blocked the problem blogs for myself. if you are curious you can ask . HOWEVER. i am not going to tell you to block or unfollow . why ? cause at the end of the day , it is MY beef . this are my issues . i am NOT here to gatekeep .

i will say that i will tell you IN private the for MY story . but keep in mind that it is MY story . not yours . not theirs . it is all about perception .

my perception is that they are scummy gatekeeping thieves . they gatekeep the people they dont like or are intimidated by . i am somebody who fucking bites and calls people out on their shit , because of this ? i make enemies . but my enemies are not yours . i dont care .  dont give a damn . i am intimidating to people who are cowards and i don’t care . 

if they feel bad when i call them out , if they try to go around and do damage control , then that means they are guilty .

and then you can ask yourself this : why are they reacting like that ?

i am once again going to bring up that other twitter user that i quoted before .

❛  you dont like hearing that because someone is holding a mirror up to you and it makes you uncomfortable because you know you . and you know the parts of you that are good . so in your heart you have to come up with a narrative that makes you feel better about the fact that somebody is asking your to confront the parts about yourself that you hate the most .

anyway . this got long . im so sorry for the long read . im so sorry i sounded hostile ad angry . im just volatile sometimes . im just really tired . and i dont need to come on this blog and have a panic attack . 

anyway . cheers loves ! stay happy , stay healthy . drink your fluids . take your meds !

#long post. #update tbd. #ooc tbd. #// i have no idea what else to tag this tbh . #there is drama mentions though so there is that i guess ? #but this is all important so ... #anyway ... #read / skim this or perish 🔪 #also if you wanna like this to let me know you read / agree with this go ahead . #im not checking for typos i am tired .

[our-happygirl500-fan]

Okay okay okay okay, I know I’m asking a lot of stuff and probs annoying you. I’m currently reading about the character but what about her and Tim?? Like can I get a run down of everything about them. The good and bad?? Everytime I see things on here it’s either making Tim to be so bad (Anti-Tim ig) or Steph to be so bad and I’m sure they’re both at fault, yea?

No I’m happy to help.

Both Tim and Steph have made mistakes but not in an awful way and more in a ‘these are literal children dealing with serious situations while also trying to be in a relationship with one another’. 

The Steph being bad stuff entirely comes from the fact that she’s a female love interest to a boy who’s one half of a popular mlm ship, she’s made mistakes here and there but they’re human instances where she’s trying to do her best, fandoms often tend to erase or demonise female characters in any any fandom if they are involved in a ship. It’s a sexist habit that comes from reducing a female to only her romantic relationship and ignoring all her other connections and reeks of misogyny. There’s also some slut shaming as Steph was a teen pregnancy & a victim of sexual assault multiple times.

The anti Tim stuff is a bit more complicated, partly it’s a response to sexism where so many fans are sick of the misogyny directed at Steph that they go full throttle the other way or it comes from fans genuinely uncomfortable with Tim’s actions as this is comics and comics are usually written by sexist men which means Tim sometimes takes actions or says something that is not so great.

The important thing to remember about Tim and Steph is that they are each others best friends and they have been through so much together to the point where even if they were not dating they would still be one of the most important relationships the other had.

There is some worry that Tim and Steph feeds into each others complexes 

Tim and Steph both experienced neglect growing up in different ways which makes their attitude to love very different.

Tim's parents were never around most of the time which makes him sort of desperate for love, for validation and most of the time he seems to be of the sort that love is something he can earn if he just does the right thing or achieves the right goal which reflects on how he probably thought if he got good grades or made his parents proud they'd notice him more they'd spend time with him more.

Steph's childhood of neglect I guess you could say came from the sickness of her parents Arthur Brown was abusive to both his wife and daughter and Crystal's drug addiction making her barely able to raise Steph half the time. More often than not it was Steph taking care of the house hold and her mother than any adult looking out for Steph.

With the neglect Steph went through she knew that there was nothing /she/ herself could do to change it, she couldn't magically make her mother quit taking drugs or stop her father from committing crimes by winning an award or behaving well, heck most of her childhood was just trying to keep her and her mum alive so in contrast with Tim who is desperate to receive love Steph is desperate to give love. Because if she's giving love to this person that means they care about her too right? 

This comes across in how easy Steph is willing to poor love into people who are even remotely nice to her like the second Barbara or Bruce stop treating her like shit she's immediately like 'I would die for you'. The second her mother is sober enough to notice her Steph is there being like 'mom I love you I would protect you with my life'. Cass is slightly nice to her? She is now Steph's best friend.

Tim is desperate to receive unconditional affection while Steph is desperate to give unconditional affection which would explain why they are drawn to one another but enough about the meta and onto their actual history.

Steph became a vigilante originally to stop her fathers crimes, the entire point of Spoiler was an abuse victim taking agency back from her abuser and due to Tim being Robin and also investigating the same crimes the two would run into each other multiple times, there was an attraction between the two however neither truly pursued anything due to the fact that Tim was dating another girl and Steph was ‘seeing’ a guy (though the relationship was implied to be unhealthy as he was significantly older, Steph only being around 14 at the time, and showed little in Steph’s actual well being).

However despite the two already being in relationships the two developed keen banter together and quickly began to enjoy the others presence what arguably set then on the path towards a relationship however is when Tim very nearly died and Steph managed to save him at the last second, Tim was so relieved that he kissed Steph sparking a romantic interest from Steph and Tim beginning to realise he had feelings for her.

Steph would then continue fighting crime outside of her fathers crimes as Steph realised that as Spoiler she could help other abuse victims such as herself. Steph’s entire life can be described as falling through the cracks in the system no one caring about the abuse and unsafe situations that she grew up with and Steph’s early journey as Spoiler is her realising that even though no one had cared when she was abused and hurt she could be the person who would care for other people so no one would suffer the way she did. Steph aiming to fight crime meant that she and Tim ran into each other even more working multiple cases together until it eventually culminated into Tim admitting that he had feelings for Steph but due to his loyalty to Batman he could never tell her his secret identity however Steph told him that that was enough for her, the two ended their previous relationships and started dating.

This is actually where a lot of criticism over the relationship is from due to the obvious power imbalance Tim knows every detail of Steph’s life while controlling all information Steph has on him and only lets her interact with Robin. Tim has also been shown to be rather possessive of Steph controlling her interactions with other members of the superhero community and expressing alarm in her spending time with other heroes who are not him.

There is also the fact that for a large part every man Stephanie has ever interacted with have been abusive in some way, her home life was incredibly dangerous due to her mother and fathers friends all being criminals or victims and Steph had to deal with at least two instances of child predators growing up so to many readers it becomes increasingly obvious that Tim might very well be the first man Steph ever interacted with who treated her with human decency and that is why she fell in love with him.

After the relationship started Steph found out that she had become pregnant from her previous relationship and the reader discovers that Steph’s previous boyfriend on top of being awful to her was also using her for sex. Steph tells Tim about the pregnancy fully expecting him to break up with her however Tim states that he is going to be there to support Steph. The two grow even closer as Tim becomes someone for Steph to lean on wearing disguises to take Steph to birthing classes and helps Steph through the process of putting the baby up for adoption. Tim is even there when the child is born.

The incident made Tim and Steph even closer and afterwards the two continue dating and remain close, Steph quickly becomes what could be considered Tim’s safe place as he is able to leave any problems as Tim Drake or Robin away and simply enjoy being with her and during times where Tim is unable to visit Steph he is shown to be tense and disgruntled without the positive emotional outlet however after nearly over a year and a half of dating Steph begins to realise that the dynamic of the relationship is uneven as Tim has complete control and knowledge over her own life while she knows nothing about Tim’s life out of the mask. Steph begins to worry about merely being used and starts openly wishing that Tim would let her be more involved with his life outside of Robin.

Tim meanwhile is beginning his rebellious phase against Batman and Bruce takes actions to try and nip it in the bud as Dick’s rebellious phase ended with Dick leaving Batman for the Titans and Jason’s rebellious phase ended with Jason dead. Bruce attempts to control Tim by using Steph revealing Tim’s secret identity to Tim. After that point Bruce would continually manipulate Steph in a gambit to manipulate Tim and Tim expresses frustration at Bruce using Steph to get to him.

Bruce and Steph’s relationship is incredibly complicated in its own right as Steph has a childhood admiration of Batman as he was the only one who seemed to be able to stop her fathers abuse by putting him in prison. This childhood admiration causes Steph to follow and respect Bruce no matter how many times his actions hurt her. Bruce on the other hand has a lot of issues regarding Steph as Steph reminds him a lot of Jason and Bruce puts a lot of his unresolved issues regarding his dead son on her which as you might assume does not end well for Steph at all.

Outside of Bruce’s meddling however Steph and Tim grow increasingly close no longer having to worry about secret identities the two go on regular dates and are there for each other in every aspect of their lives. However Tim’s father finds out about Robin and forces him to quit and Steph who had been dating Tim ‘batman needs a Robin’ Drake for years was firmly of the belief that ‘Gotham needs a Robin’ at which point Steph herself becomes the fourth Robin though it is heavily implied that once again Bruce is manipulating Steph in order to manipulate Tim into coming back.

Then DC enters its dark ages where they kill off characters left and right and Steph is tortured, raped and killed in a Gotham wide gang war primarily for Bruce angst so that Bruce can go ‘oh god it’s Jason all over again I knew she was girl Jason I knew it’ mean while Tim has what can probably be best described as a mental break down over Steph’s death and the subsequent death of his father and multiple friends. This causes Tim to become cold, cynical and increasingly dark and pessimistic (he has depression).

However Steph comes back to Gotham two years later alive again and it is revealed that Leslie Thompkin’s essentially kidnapped Steph to Africa for two years and faked Steph’s death in order to try and save Steph from being a soldier in Batman’s crusade. Steph was Leslie’s ward for two years but realised that she could literally not stop fighting crime as in Africa Steph literally started dressing up as an African legend and started fighting crime there, eventually convincing Leslie that they needed to go back to Gotham the two returned and Tim was over the moon to see Steph alive kissing her on sight, however Tim realises that he essentially had a break down over Steph death for nothing and expresses resentment over Steph letting him believe that she was dead for two years. Steph who had spent the past to years recovering physically and mentally from the trauma of being tortured for days prior to Leslie faking Steph’s death and Steph essentially not having had a choice in Leslie’s plan to fake her death is just like ‘I don’t know what to tell you buddy’ 

Steph is still Tim’s emotional home, immediately relying on her for emotional support once again and the two are shown to still love each other however the two had changed a great deal over the time they were apart. Steph having had an adult finally care about her well being for the first time in her life grew much more positive into someone who believed in the inherent good in people and in hope while Tim had grown harsh and dark and cynical. The two even joke about how Steph has become an optimist while Tim had become a pessimist. Steph is like a beam of light for Tim who had become increasingly dark and Tim finds himself being both wary of it and drawn to it.

Then Bruce gets back to his old tricks of using Steph to manipulate Tim and gives Steph instructions to challenge Tim in order to improve Tim’s skills as a crime fighter. Steph on Bruce’s orders employs and assassin to fight Tim however the assassin goes to far and Steph is injured trying to protect Tim. Tim realising that Bruce is once again manipulating Steph to get to him as well as having an inherent fear of Steph dying again demands that Steph should not be a vigilante any longer never mind that Steph literally can not stop fighting crime which causes a rift between the two.

The superhero community then believe that Batman is dead and Tim leaves Gotham to prove that Bruce is alive while Tim is gone from Gotham Cass makes Steph the new Batgirl and Steph becomes incredibly close to Barbara and Damian and as Batgirl makes several friends within the masked community no longer having her interactions be controlled by Tim or Bruce. Steph starts coming into her own and building up her self confidence, when Tim returns he is once again upset that Steph is still fighting crime his fear of Steph dying still going strong and acts condescending towards Steph’s attempts to help him however Steph proves herself in sheer level of skill and prowess and Tim accepts her as a vigilante and the new Batgirl accepting that Steph will not die again. Tim then attempts to rekindle their romantic relationship however Steph realises that she had been too dependent on Tim’s love and wishes to improve herself as a person before she even thinks of entering a relationship again. The two remain close friends however Tim expresses attraction towards Steph multiple times (Tim is the horniest little fuck during this time in their lives and Steph is literally out their trying to live her life and better herself as a person and get a university degree it’s hilarious)

If Convergence is to believe the two would always eventually get back together in one way or another the two issues being about their romantic interest in each other and getting back together.

After the reboot happens when they meet again Tim immediately expresses romantic interest in Steph while Steph herself is wary of Tim as in this universe both her mother and her father are criminals who have tried to kill her and Steph has effectively been homeless living in public libraries or where ever she can. It is unknown when but Tim offers Steph a place to live at his apartment and a some point the two eventually enter a romantic relationship.

A lot of fans have criticised this as Steph is entirely financially dependent on Tim for food and shelter and once again Tim holds more power than Steph in the relationship. Also in the rebooted universe Tim is Steph’s only support system as her parents tried to kill her, her father murdered any civilians she was close to in order to hurt her and any connections Steph had before the reboot have had vast amounts of their history erased.

Steph has also been shown to be responsible for a lot of Tim’s mental health as she has to stop him from crossing lines or going off the deep end multiple times it is described as Tim having a tendency of walking a dark path when he is alone. 

Steph and Tim are both presented as each others support systems in current comics and when Tim wanted to leave Gotham in order to research the multiverse Steph went with him as the two rely on each other.

I don’t believe there is a good guy or bad guy in their relationship both Tim and Steph want what’s best for each other but sometimes these views don’t line up which causes conflict but at the end of the day they are two people that care about each other a great deal and whether they are in a relationship or not they will always be one of the most important people in each others lives.

The relationship is criticised by the fandom as fans either fetishise mlm relationships and are angry at Steph ‘getting in the way’ an unfortunate trend in all fandoms and on the other side many are tired of female characters being reduced to their romantic relationships.

TimSteph is a cute ship with a deep connection and a lot of history proving that they care about each other a great deal but sexism and misogyny are things that exist especially in fandom spaces and that creates a nightmare.

#asks #DC comics #stephanie brown #tim drake #dc #timsteph #boy these two have been through a lot #but yeah the ships fine people just hate woman and fetishise gay relationships

[punkcryptids]

ramble

this is the one form of social media i can vent on and be confident no one is gonna find it, it won’t start drama and i can just go the fuck off

i have this ex friend right? really mf toxic, i cut her off last year n shit is all good, right?

anyways, last week i found out she has been consistently posting abt me on her tik tok, just indirects, since aT LEAST may, probably longer. and i told her the fuck off, made my own shit behind “obsessed” by mariah carrey, after some comments back n forth, the whole incident is said n done, she blocks me. ok cool

here i am, finding out the bitch is *still* making indirects. its a lil less obvious, so of course there’s the possibility it’s not me but knowing the situation im p sure it is-- the caption was like “if you side w someone because they’re crying but dont care about what they did, i hate you” or something like that. and im just at my wits end dude,, (a tiny bit of context; our friend group completely left her when i did, n all of them commented on my video + people who were kinda in our friend group but not completely if that makes sense-- one of the kinda in the group ppl commented on her video n she responded “wtf did i ever do to you” so thats why i think the caption has to do w me)

it doesnt make me as anxious as it used to but it makes me angry dude. n the indirects were really fuckin wild. im not tryna explain the situation too much because it was a whole year of verbal/mental abuse that i somewhat tuned out because *trauma*, but she was making wholeass posts abt my relationship. thats what is was, each n every time. 

makes sense bc it was the whole fucking issue when we were friends, but they were straight lies. shit abt how he cheated on me and-- she KNOWS its not true. SHE KNOWS, the whole issue is she was overly involved in my relationship because we were both her best friends.  

the whole reason this incident happened in the first place was because two days before i made my thing calling her out, she posted ANOTHER indirect. idk how many of yall are on tiktok, but it was the trend “introduce yourself as why you and your ex bsf dont talk” and gUeSs wHaT iT SaID?? “i dont like when my friends get cheated on”. its amazing the mental gymnastics she has to go through to feel correct in the situation. AMAZING. making up whole ass events that didnt happen (when we had our lil confrontation she cited him cheating on me when WE WERENT TOGETHER dnkjfheifjoewi) 

god this probably reads so weirdly because its a random insight to a situation without full context + it jumps all over. im sorry about that i just physically cannot dude. im a legal adult next year, class of 2021 babey and it fucking blows my mind theres still this middle school drama bs going on. and i cant do shit, because all she will do is block me when i call her out on her bs and then continue to post abt it. when it first happened it made me feel happy and relieved that i stood up for myself for once but then finding out shes doing the same shit shes just a fucking coward.

ig whats sending me more is the one comment she left on my video was “bell would you like to say this to my face” n then BLOCKED ME N CONTINUED TO SHIT TALK I-

i know i need to work on letting it not bother me-- she will talk her shit, she will spew her lies, and at least all of the people who were there for the situation know shes wrong-- n thats all that matters. but anxiety is a bitch sometimes. plus i guess it just hurts, she was such a gaslighting, manipulative person n it fucking hurts to see her lie and turn that shit on me. esp because my mind is littered with mental instability that i will start to bELIEVE IT HDhnfiujfo. it makes me mad that i have to deal with the trauma she gave me n she gets to sit there making tik toks lying about what happened to strangers online to validate her. what bothers me even more is it wasnt even about our relationship really. it was just about MY relationship with my boyfriend which feels so fucking weird. especially bc half of her tiktoks are directed at calling me a bad person (+saying how much better she is than me lmao) n missing my bf (who she calls her “brother” even though she gaslit him and manipulated him all the same djifhbdi) and the other half is like she misses me ??? considering the latest indirect (before she blocked me) was abt why we arent friends anymore

i cannot stress enough how fucking done i am. it stresses me out because i cut her out of my life so i wouldnt have to deal w it and i feel like i cant escape her and i hate it i want to move out of this fuckign town so i never have to have the possibility of running into her 

but if i do run into her you bet your ass im calling her pussy ass out >:) 

also shoutout my therapist who will get the run down (probably a summary of this post) of this situation tomorrow hehe 

#rant #vent #toxic friends #ex friends #mentally drained #therapy

[j9only]

Today with J9

Joong was up early for Uni and cooking a meal at the same time that didn’t include eggs. Looks like he is expanding his repertoire. And North Fitness th, Nine’s dad’s company is installing an entire gym in Nine’s home. So the boys can get a proper work out done.  Joong also posted himself playing Football with Mawin, Nine’s younger brother, so it looks like he has found someone to play with, since he said in an IGlive a few weeks back, he didn’t know anyone that could play with him and he looked all sad, so I’m happy he’s got Mawin now.   Joong changed his icon to a screencap of tiktok video and tweeted that someone called him cute and small and wondered how tall he was. 555. Which definitely doesn’t happen to Joong often. 

Pavel posted that he would ring in his Birthday on IG, Joong said he’d be there watching. Nine said he wouldn’t, but then Pavel asked him to come and Nine agreed to be there. And this is why the fandom calls him Tsundere!Nine at times.  Dome, Earth (with a piano) Nine and Ben sang happy Birthday to Pavel, Joong wished him happy Birthday. Joong was in their bedroom and Nine was in the kitchen, though Joong was there with him cause he had gone downstairs. Pavel and Nine talked a bit about the OxQ song and how that is going to be really good and that hopefully 2moons3 will start soon, but right now they have to wait for covid to go away because they are restricted whilst filming. Some shows have already started though, but they can only film scenes that are solo scenes or require the actors to stand far apart. Kissing and fighting scenes are not allowed to be shot at this moment.  Pavel thought Nine was his mother for a short second because of how Nine had his hair, You can hear Joong laugh real loud in the back when he says that. And when Joong said he hoped Pavel will be their leader for a long time, Pavel said he planned to lead them to hell.  Nine’s profile film was released and both Pavel and Dome called Nine cute, which is very valid. If you haven’t seen it yet, please do, it’s on the blog ^^. And just before 1AM, Joong posted himself singing a turkish song, looking very sad. So someone hug him, so he can go to sleep in a happier mood. The song is very depressing about loving someone so much you’d die for them and loving them hurts but you cannot give up on them, you give everything to them. even if they don’t seem to know who you really are.  We can debate over whether Nine did something wrong or Joong was in the mood for a good cry so decided to listen to a very depressing song. 

#twj9