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jparrish: Thanksgiving is over. Bring on Christmas!

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i did not get tagged in the Latest Meme but i made a me anyway


My eyebrow is always arched like that in real life. I do not know why. But I always think about how Laura Ruby talked about how she realized in her 30s she was developing a “sneer wrinkle” and I’m just waiting for my “incredulity wrinkle” to start.

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long post ahead, no tw just word vomit and anxiety

man i don’t feel comfy sharing this anywhere but here and i don’t have my journal on me :/ but wow it’s amazing how anxious i get around social media these days (except tumblr. the only anxiety i get is abt someone finding out abt this page). i wanted to post some pics from my thanksgiving cuz i got to spend it with my fam and i was genuinely happy and the pics perfectly convey that emotion but,,, instagram just kinda soured that cuz when i thought abt posting all i could think abt was how ppl might get mad at me for daring to go home to my family, or the fact that i’m white and thanksgiving is problematic now so why am i posting about this but not also providing info abt the racist history to my stories?? and then adding onto that is the fact that my pics don’t exactly fit the current aesthetic of my page, nor are they that ‘good’ in the sense that the lighting is off and some are centered weird so i’ll probs not get many likes purely cuz they’re not picturesque enough. plus one of the photos i wanted to share i thought was rly flattering of me but i’m holding an alcoholic beverage and by my expression u can tell it’s that and everybody talks abt how u gotta be careful bout what u post lest some potential future employer (or university) sees something problematic on ur page. and writing this out all of my worries sound ridiculous cuz. it’s one post. but i do this every time i make a post, especially since corona and then the blm protests, even tho nobody has ever made a negative comment on my posts before. some definitely get less likes tho. i just??? wanna be able to share my joy without feeling so anxious about it??? but on this particular day, where i was so happy but i decided not to post because others might judge my happiness… has really made me consider deactivating my account. but then with that it’s like,,, ok then what will people say. and who would even notice or care. UGH i hate being an over thinker.

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