#***I AM DEFINITELY NOT SAYING YOU HAVE TO USE DRUGS TO WRITE ABOUT THEM BTW***

[writinggremlin]

Why, hello there!!

Allow me to introduce myself. (NOW WITH MASTERPOST!! WOAHHHH!!!!) (found at the bottom. I need to remake this post from the ground up next year.)

I haven't really come up with a pseudo name for myself yet, so I guess "Gremlin" or "That One Chaotic Lil Shit. You Know The One!" will do for now. No DNI here btw. I am totally, 100%, definitely 19. So all of those 18+ blogs that are just checking for my age can move on now, haha!

...Why are they still here? And looking at me suspiciously? Y-- You guys can leave now! Shoo! Go on!

Well then. Anygayyyyy! Other than that, I guess the other important thing to mention is pronouns. You may use she/her or they/them. I honestly don't care which ones you use for me. Use one, use the other, or get a little wacky with it and change them out mid-sentence. Are you still talking about the same person? Or somebody else entirely? Who knows!

In addition to that, if you wish to refer to me as a little lad or fellow, I would definitely not complain!

Something else that's probably worth mentioning is that this is, indeed, a side blog, which means that the blog I'll be doing my likes and follows and such from, will not be this one. I don't put any mention of this blog on my other ones because I don't want that audience knowing about this. Besides, my mom's on here too, and she knows about my two other blogs. Yeah..... you probably get it lmao.

However, I don't mind this community knowing about my main stuff, so I'll give you guys a hint, because this is an easter egg hunt now apparently (/s /lh). Nah, but fr, I tend to like a post either immediately before, or after I reblog it. Also my pfp is a chaotic collage of our lord and savior, Spleens, the cat. All hail the Glow Cloud, and all hail Spleens, the cat.

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So. Now that the basic stuff is out of the way, it's time to get into some more blog-related things about me. Specifically when it comes to writing. So fuckle all of your seatbelts, because this may get long.

To start off, I initially just spontaneously created this blog to dump a lot of reblog stuff that I loved and didn't want to lose. That's not going to stop anytime soon. Buuuut, lately I've been feeling more confident to post random prompts and ideas, and maybe even a random blurb or two! So, there's that for the near future. Maybe. Possibly.

Next I'd like to mention that I have OCs!! Quite a few, to be exact. All with their own intricate lil storylines and a few unique settings! I love to scheme and keep plenty of secrets, as well as make some goofy references here and there. Just because I like to write some sad shit, doesn't mean that I can't have some fun with wacky stuff happening in the background too!

Anyway, the OCs of mine that I'll probably mention most around here right now are: Mist, Ember, Kage, and Onyx. (As for my whumper's, those two are Vivek and Lilium.)

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Hmm... what else...

Oh- uhm! Tropes I like and the squicks and stuff!

Tropes I enjoy:

• Delirium/Half-Conscious/Dazed

• Mind Control/Hypnosis/Brainwashing (I guess you could say that I tend to... lose my mind over this one)

• Drugged/Spiked

• Sick/Fever

• Just any loss of situational awareness, really

• Fainting (I'm tempted to write a tip post for this one, because there's some underrated things that I think some people might really like to mess around with! Also because I might've had a whole hyperfixation on this stuff.)

• Lab Whump (so fun to read, oddly difficult to write)

• Starvation

• Pushed to the limit, and then some. Doesn't matter who's doing the pushing.

The tropes I don't so much enjoy:

I don't really have any triggers when it comes to reading, but there are a few things that can make me uncomfy.

• Sexual Non-Con. (Gives the heebie jeebies)

• Oddly Specific/Unorthodox Whumps (Yanking teeth, yanking fingernails, putting something under fingernails, etc. More heebie jeebies.)

• Visually speaking, I recently learned that I get triggered by watching somebody who's obviously suffering/dying, but everybody around them tries to dismiss it or act like they're fine. It's fine to write and read (love it in word form, actually), but as soon as it's a video, I just can't.

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YIPPEE, A MASTERLIST!!!

OC intros

Mist

(One down... 15(?) more to go.)

The only OC piece I've posted so far (that may change soon 👀)

Prompts/Ideas (Feel free to use!! And please show me if you do, I'd love to see what you do with my funky lil scenarios!)

Baby's first contribution!

Blank slate

Secret punishments

Trapped

"I don't matter."

Suddenly ripped away

Stressed out caretakers

Eavesdropping caretaker

Helpful angst

Angy whumper

Dizzy whumpees

DISGUSTANG!

Chill out in the freezer

Chill out in the freezer (cont.)

Ask games that I am desperate someone contributes to. Please. My askbox is so empty that there's cobwebs forming in there.

Blog ask game

OC introduction ask game

93 OC questions

Oddly specific OC asks

Tags worth mentioning:

Check out #good soup for all of the good shit

#delicious soup is a tier above the good soup

#ultimate soup is the best of the best. The golden buzzer of soups. I am addicted to that post and regularly return to it. Only one post has it right now.

And that's all for now! Thanks for reading through all of this, and I hope you guys all have a great day/night/life!!

[b-rainlet]

Do you have any headcanons about the older Die 3 Fragezeichen?

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This is such a cute ask to be getting, I feel like I don't really deserve this seeing as *gestures to my blog* you know?

But also, I gotta be honest, idk if I could contribute anything to all the hcs a lot of drei ??? fans already talked about seeing as I really only read the books when I was smaller and my fave versions of them are the one from the American Movies (which are widely seen as not being that popular or in-character but I just. Absolutely adore these movies).

But just from the top of my head:

Let me just say, I don't think they'll stay Die Drei ??? forever or that they'll start an actual detective agency

Mostly because they cannot live off of doing cases for free forever

But they probably cannot help stumbling into cases sometimes anyway, simply because they're so used to it

Bob will be alone at college and just bust a whole ass drug ring going on and nearly die and then go: 'Nothing much.' when Peter calls and asks him what he's been doing the last few weeks.

Justus - who's working as a translator and who especially loves trying to decipher ancient greek and latin and stuff - doesn't even blink when Peter sends him a blurry picture of words scribbled on a wall going: 'Help, Erster??' at like two am

Aside from that though, they're leading a pretty normal life

I can see Justus doing semi-professional swimming competitions in his free time and to everybodies surprise, Jelena is the one attending most of these

Nobody is sure whether they're..Friends? Dating? They keep bickering but also Justus takes Jelena to every Vernissage Bob organizes as his plus one so???

Btw, Bob did get a degree in journalism but he's taken on a job organizing different events for artists and musicians

He's mostly working with lesser known people but they all agree that he's a joy to work with and that they feel like they're being taken seriously by him

(Bob also had a phase in college where he tried writing his own songs but he's mostly given up on that. It was enough to endear some girls toward him, but definitely not enough to have his big breakthrough and he's fine with that)

And my favourite hc is that Peter is a Youtuber

Yes, I am serious

It started out as Peter and Jeffrey making short work out videos and talking about different sports they're interested in but because of a very - very - stupid dare that was totally Jeffrey's fault, they ended up going to a haunted house

For fun

And that was the single most popular video on their channel for several months so Peter very reluctantly agreed to do more of these

More like, he's trying to talk his way out of going until the very last minute, he's arguing about turning back while they're already standing in front of the haunted place of the month

(The thing is, they don't try to fake any ghost appearances, so nothing much supernatural happens in any of these videos. Most viewers simply think it's super amusing to watch Peter nearly pee his pants because of wind blowing a window shut or something mundane like that)

Peter still insists on making videos about sport though

'That's why we made this channel in the first place, Jeff!'

Also, it's not spelled out or anything, but based on some of their vlogs, it seems pretty obvious that Peter and Jeffrey are dating

(Jeffrey has called Peter 'Babe' before during one of Peter's 'Why on earth are we always fucking with the ghosts' meltdowns)

These were just things I came up with on the spot, hope you enjoyed.

#die drei ??? #die drei fragezeichen #ask tag

[apocellipse]

there’s way too much misinformation about drugs on tumblr imo—in a community where writing about drug use is common and actual experience with drugs is... not as common

#a hot take but one that’s important to me #i see lots of folks writing a sort of homogenous unidrug or mixing up the effects of different drugs #especially younger folks #i kind of want to start work on a ‘how to research drugs’ post #would yall be interested?? or find it valuable? #because if you’ve never done drugs or been in a community with prevalent drug use #i find people adopt a very reagan-esque attitude towards them #it is very very very important to perform adequate research on a substance that you’re writing about #***I AM DEFINITELY NOT SAYING YOU HAVE TO USE DRUGS TO WRITE ABOUT THEM BTW*** #personal

[bigskydreaming]

Hi! I was reading a fanfic and it brought up Roy and Dick's fight, which I see a lot of in fics but never what they fought about and consequently why they don't talk. I thought it was a vague excuse/reason why Roy was Jason's friend not Dick's anymore but this fic brought up when Dick was batman so I was wondering if there was actually a fight between them? Btw I really enjoy your metas! They're v thought out and well articulated. Also it's v easy to separate what's your opinion and what's fact which is. Very helpful for me

Yeah this is one hundred percent a fanon thing that's kept deliberately vague to justify why Roy in his friendship with Jason seems to have no positive thoughts or concerns about Dick whatsoever. Now granted, Dick and Roy are not nearly as close in the New 52 as they were pre-Reboot. The lack of their friendship there is definitely one of the things I disliked most about the Reboot - and I actually don't care if Jason and Roy are friends tbh, its the total erasure of his history with Dick as if he can't be friends with both, that like, bugs most.

But so like, yeah, Roy and Dick aren't super close when they interact on the Titans in the New 52, but there's literally nothing in any of their interactions that explains the complete absence of him from Roy's life or a reason that Roy would like, hate him the way he tends to in a lot of Jason-centric fics.

When you factor in pre-Reboot stuff though, it starts to get a LOT more.....uh wyd? And this is why I have trouble buying that people just write Roy and Jason the way they do because its the only thing they know from recent comics. Like one, most fans talk about how they don't even read the source comics, so there's no reason their knowledge of the characters or events would be limited to just recent comics if they're going off wiki summaries and scans anyway. And second, most fans AREN'T limited in their knowledge to just recent comics.

Like, the second people start writing Roy and Jason and Kori but with their pre-52 characterizations and references to events from THAT timeline, it all gets very messy, the way they're like, completely antagonistic towards Dick a lot of the time. Because Roy and Dick were always solid. Yes, they fought. A lot. But they always, ALWAYS made up afterwards. They had conflict about Roy's drug addiction - it didn't stop Dick from being there to support him through rehab, or Dick being the first person Roy called to help him get Lian after he learned of her existence. Dick literally held Lian before Roy ever did? He's the one who first put her in Roy's arms for the first time.

(Which is the prime grudge I and most Dick Grayson fans have about Roy and Jason fics which make Jason like, the absolute apple of Lian's eye. If you want to expand Lian's circle of loved and trusted ones to include Jason as Roy's friend and thus her uncle, like go for it! But there's zero reason that should require invalidating and erasing the fact that Dick was this little girl's adored godfather and uncle for pretty much her entire life. And the way Dick is just shoved offstage from Lian's life entirely, to slot Jason into his place as though they're completely interchangeable, its like....THAT'S the kind of thing that gets people irey about how Jason 'steals' Dick's dynamics and character relationships.

Because there's nothing saying they both can't be major players in Roy and Lian's lives! But just that they're not interchangeable! You need to develop the specific role Jason plays there WITHOUT just overwriting everything Dick actually did in relation to the two of them pre-Flashpoint, which is what you're drawing from the second you write Lian, unless you're specifically going with the few appearances we've had of her within literally just the last year.

But I mean, when people just search and replace Dick Grayson in all Roy and Lian's pre-Reboot stories and act like Jason was the one doing all of that instead.....why wouldn't fans of the source material be annoyed by a character getting credit for interactions and things done for Lian and Roy that Jason literally NEVER DID, while at the EXACT SAME TIME, conjuring some mysterious, unnamed 'Falling Out' that Roy and Dick had, that was clearly all Dick's fault, and resulted from him being basically excised entirely from Roy and Lian's lives?

Same with Kori, for the record, and like despite being Dick's ex, she and Dick have NEVER been like, estranged? She and Dick have often been close even after their breakup. None of it makes any sense, and the fact that a lot of fans don't even try to make it make sense or justify it, and expect other fans to just be fine with settling for an inexplicable reversal of Dick's every actual dynamic with these characters while setting up Jason to occupy the exact same role Dick played in these other characters' lives, like.....lol. Its fun.)

Anyway, back to your question, like, there are fights you can go with pre-Reboot as the source of various conflicts between Dick and Roy - but again, I maintain its just as crucial that they're always written as getting past them. They have a very tempestuous relationship because they are the two people MOST likely to call each other on their shit, two of the two people WITH the most shit in common due to the parallels in their childhoods and the roles they've occupied in the Titans and the superhero community in general, and the two people most resistant to being called out on their shit by each other, lol. Mostly in that case because like, they do recognize that they have a lot in common and understand each other very well, so the second the other is calling them out for something, they're usually like "ugh, if HE'S saying this, its probably true and I am just not prepared yet to be wrong about this. I need more time being unjustifiably rawr about things." Its like that thing where they both look at each other doing something that feels familiar or calls back to their own reasons for doing something and they're like ugh I'm in this picture and I don't like it.

So they clash. A lot. But always with the implicit bedrock of like, there's nothing either of them can do or say to the other that will push the other away for good.

They fought over Roy replacing Dick as leader of the Titans when Dick's wedding fell apart, even though Roy actually didn't want to do it and was kinda pushed into it by the government, but again, Dick like, got over it and realized it was for the best and forgave Roy for it that very same issue. And on and on. It always went like that. So there's plenty of stuff that can be used or pointed at as a source of conflict between the two, but the part I'll always call unbelievable is the idea that they never make up after one of these fights. Why now? What fight, specifically, is so bad between them that despite everything else they've gone through AND gotten past, they can't get past this one? Y'know?

So yeah, that's my take on this. There is no definitive falling out between Dick and Roy as many fics like to point to in order to shove him offscreen and make room for Jason in Roy and Lian's lives, and personally, I just don't find it necessary and I actually think it makes Roy look REALLY bad. Because when you're not specifically detailing all the things that Dick has actually DONE for Roy, the lengths to which he's been there for his friend, and like, specifically invalidating each and every one of them as something that never happened in a particular fic, then literally anyone who reads that fic and has their own awareness of Dick and Roy's friendship is kiiiiiinda likely to be reading that and thinking wow what an ungrateful asshole, when Roy's just written as bitching about Dick with Jason and sandbagging him without any real explanation as to WHY, beyond just 'oh they had a fight years ago.'

(And coming up with some random awful thing that Dick did to justify Roy hating him now isn't like, a superior alternative, lmao, because again, its still just trashing one character for the sake of getting him out of the way of two other characters' friendship and people are going to think what they think about that).

Anyway, my now standard stock disclaimer that like, there doesn't actually need to be a canon fight obviously, for people to just write things this way and handwave that Dick and Roy had an epic falling out years ago and now they just hate one another or whatever, or just Roy hates him or vice versa. Obviously people are free to do what they want. They don't need a reason other than "I want to write it this way so Jason and Roy are friends and Jason doesn't have to 'share' him with Dick or have his friendship be overshadowed by their greater history together." That just happens to be a reason that no Dick Grayson fan is ever really going to be happy about, lol, for what should be perfectly obvious reasons, so it honestly shouldn't be surprising to people that fans of the source material often gripe about it.

Because yeah fanfic is a tremendous opportunity to transform the source material into something better, but if what's better for some fans actively takes away what was working perfectly well for other fans the original way, they're going to say that. Especially in a fandom where so many new fans take their view of the characters and their dynamics from fics rather than the source material - when fandom has that much of an influence on what new fans perceive to be 'canon,' fans are perfectly within their right to emphasize what is ACTUALLY canon and what isn't, so that new fans at least have the opportunity to determine for themselves what take they want to go with, instead of just accepting at face value that the nature of say, Dick and Roy's relationship is just that Roy hates Dick because of some mumble mumble ancient history vague mumble details not found mumble mumble fight.

[djarinbarnes]

estoy caliente - javier peña

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summary: taken in for ‘questioning’ after getting caught dealing information, you’re left with an ultimatum.

pairings: javier peña x female reader (just a little police au - not *fully* dea)

word count: 3.2k

warnings: 18+, smut, age gap (reader is of age), drinking, smoking... mentions of drugs... office sex, javier’s dirty spanish, reader’s dirty spanish, maybe a little feels...

a/n: this is my first time writing for Pedro. don’t mind me! let me know how you liked it...😇 btw, I am not fluent in spanish. I took three years in high school and occasionally speak it today. let me know if there are any errors.

a/n v.2: the message reader delivers is code, just like the cartel used to use. translation: there’s an order on Blue (Friday) on 300k. I’m on my way back and the transaction is completed.

･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･

The music was blaring through the club, sweaty bodies moving against one another and drugs were scattered all over the tables. To say that the dealers were keeping a low profile would be an obvious and blatant lie.

It was easy to tell who was under the influence, when you weren’t under the influence yourself. Which made every other person in the club stand out to you as high off cocaine. You walked around the smokey, the stuffiness of the snug club making your insides churn with disgust.

Deliver the message and get out of there. Your mind was screaming at you as you looked around the club once more, sighing when you couldn’t find the man you were supposed to meet. The disco ball suspended from the ceiling blinded you for a short moment as it turned, casting off the lights of the differently colored projectors.

You bite your lip as you scout for poli, making sure to overlook every entrance and every exit. You know by now that having a quick escape is a favorable thing when dealing information. When your ‘date’ finally appears on the dancefloor, you relax your shoulders with a sigh of content. Finally, you were one step closer to getting out of there.

You make your way towards him slowly, making sure to let your presence be known, not to take him or his men aback. “Señores,” you smile and watch as your date dismisses them with a wave of his fingers.

His hands find your hips, pulling you close to divert attention from the two of you, now lost in the sea of dancing individuals. You wrap your arms around his neck, both your bodies starting to move together, following the rhythm.

You lean, grazing your lips along his jaw, all the way up to his earlobe. El azul tiene un pedido de 49 62 62. Estoy con mi esposa, viajando por Mercedes… His hands tightened on your hips, alarming you slightly. He had definitely picked up something you hadn’t. Before you could register anything, the music cut out, the sound of gunshots filling the air in its absence.

“Manos arriba!” you freeze in your spot as the loud voice booms through the club. You barely make time to notice what’s happening other than shots ringing around your ears, before you’re making your way out the back door, running light on your feet in the god forsaken heels you chose to wear.

“Stop!” you hear from behind you, along with pounding, following footsteps. You continue your sprint, though your lungs are close to giving in. Looking back over your shoulder, you see the shadow of him gaining in on you.

You yelp as you topple over, landing in a patch of grass by the side of the pathway you’d made your way down. He’s on you in an instant – whipping you around, locking the cuffs of metal around your wrists. He mutters out an apology, which you answer with a grunt.

The roundup in front of the club is painstakingly slow. If it weren’t for him, you would be in bed. Without him, though. So, you figured this was the middle ground, and as long as he was the one who took you in, you didn’t mind.

~

“Ow, fuck! Get your fucking hands off me!” you try twisting out of the firm grip around your upper arm. The short, tight skirt you were wearing combined with the heels you'd settled for, made it hard to stay upright with the power he was pulling you forward with. The handcuffs on your hands behind your back made that task impossible as well.

“Càllate, hermosa.” His breath was hot against your neck, his face not far from the back of yours. With a roll of your eyes, you came to a halt in front of a table, biting the inside of your cheek as you felt the handcuff on one wrist come undone, before the cop turned you to face him.

Out in the dark, you were barely able to make out his face, but you knew him by smell by now. Under the lights of the office you found yourself in, you could now clearly see his face. It was so familiar to you by now, with all the times you’d woken up next to him. And damn, if that face didn’t turn you on, who were you to call yourself a woman?

"Sé cómo podrías hacerme callar, hermoso." You boldly pushed your chest against his as he leaned against you, feeling his hands reach behind you. His proximity let you inhale his scent of tobacco mixed with whiskey, cinnamon and just the right amount of him. You were somewhat surprised about how close he was given your location, your body easily absorbing the heat of his.

You sighed as you heard the clicks of the handcuffs locking around a bar on the table, slouching against his body with a pout. "You're really gonna keep me locked to a table, Javi?" Your eyes followed him as he moved swiftly around the small office he'd taken you to.

He poked his head out of the door to the office shortly, before shutting the door with a kick of his foot. He watches you as he shrugs off his leather jacket, hanging it over the back of a chair, pulling his gun out of the back of his pants before leaning over a desk, pulling out a bottle of whiskey. You push yourself up on the table slightly.

"You're causing me quite a bit of trouble, loba." you watch as he pulls a chair in front of where you're now seated, eyes on your face like you're his prey. "It's the fourth time I’ve had you in here this week." You watch as he brings the bottle to his lips to take a sip, his lips under the moustache wet with the alcohol. "You're gonna need to pay rent soon."

"Only if I get to stay in here with you, Javi, papí." Leaning back on your hands you feel one of the straps of your shirt fall off your shoulder. “Oops.” With a tilt of your head, you suck your bottom lip into your mouth. “Surely you can find someplace else for your partner.” You giggle as his eyes turn to the sky, damn well knowing where he could find you when he came home.

“Estoy caliente, Javi…” you tease, lifting your shoulder just enough to let the other strap fall off on the other side, completely baring your clavicles to him. His tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip before he’s taking another sip of the whiskey, setting the bottle down on the floor beside him.

"Puedo pensar..." you kick off one of your heels, sliding your feet up the back of your calf, "en algunas cosas sucias..."  the other heel follows the first one to the floor before leaning back, your free hand coming to the front of your skirt, lifting your hips to pull the hem up slightly, "que podemos hacer juntos..." you spread your legs lightly, showing him your glistening sex, "para pasar el tiempo."

Your heart leaps in your chest as you watch him swallow past a thick lump in his throat, his eyes still trained on your face. You let your eyes trail down your body, occasionally flicking up to meet his gaze. His teeth are chugging at his lower lip when he finally lets his eyes fall south, coming face to face with your pussy.

With a mere 3 feet between the two of you, the sweet smell of your arousal filled that gap quickly. "Sin bragas?” his voice has clearly dropped an octave, making your stomach flutter and your pussy clenches around nothing, faintly recalling the sweet pain he’d inflicted there that very morning. He raises one eyebrow before reaching back and pulling a cigarette out of one of the pockets on his jacket.

You nod slowly, watching as he lights the tobacco before leaning forward, propping his arms on his knees and resting his chin on the palms of his hands. "y ¿qué quieres que haga?" The cigarette hangs in the corner of his mouth as he speaks, occasionally lighting up as he sucks the smoke into his lungs.

“Like I said.” You stretch out one of your feet, placing just under his knee, before softly moving it up the inside of his thigh. You watch him think over possibilities as your eyes move over his face, scanning the widened pupils, the bottom lip tugged in between his teeth in the opposite side of where the cigarette rests. “I can think of a few things.”

His fingers are gentle as he clasps your calf in his hand, caressing your sensitive skin gently. He moves just a bit closer on the chair, lifting your leg onto his, placing your foot on top of his thigh. His nose grazes against the inside of your knee, his breath hot against your skin.

He takes a long, last drag of the cigarette before twisting his upper body, stubbing it out into an ashtray. “You’re gonna get us in trouble, you know that right?” He exhales before turning back to you, the doubts written clearly across his face. His eyes dart to the closed door before he rises from the chair, stepping closer to you. “No one knows about us. I could lose my job…”

“Javi it’s close to four in the morning. You saw how many people were here when you brought me in. We’ll only get caught if…” his body is against yours in an instant, making you halt in the middle of your sentence. His hands are on your ass, gripping the pulp skin harshly, sure to leave marks in their wake.

His hips are pushing against yours, letting you feel the hardness of his cock through the rough denim of his jeans. His lips ghost over yours slightly, nose touching yours before traveling down to leave a butterfly kiss on your shoulder, mustache tickling your skin.

“If what?” It’s barely a whisper, but you hear it, nonetheless. Your heaving chest flutters as his left hand runs along the outside of your thigh before caressing over the top of your skin, pushing your skirt up further. Your head is barely able to piece together a full sentence as his proximity overtakes you.

“I…” It’s shaky, trembling as the word spill from your lips. “We…” you let your head fall back as his lips attach themselves to your neck, sucking a bruise into the skin right over your pulse point, making you gasp. “Javi…” You can barely keep yourself up on your hands as his lips travel down, his hands roughly free your breasts from the shirt you’re wearing.

“No bra either? Dios mio…” You watch helplessly as his lips and teeth tug at your nipples, sucking hickeys into the pulps of your breasts. His hands are rough as they lift you slightly, pulling the skirt up and around your hips.

“Javi, take off my handcuffs…” you moan as he grinds his hips into yours, your arousal leaving a shameless wet patch against the fabric of his jeans. Your free hand travels between the two of you, unbuttoning his shirt with your fingers with a light struggle. You push the shirt off his shoulders, letting it fall onto the floor before unclasping his belt, popping the button on his pants and sliding the zipper down.

“No can do, hermosa…” With a frown you push his jeans down slightly, biting your lip as Javi pulls back just a little bit, letting you see the patch of pubic hair spilling over the opening in his jeans.

“Sin bragas, papí?” you tease with a bite of your lip, letting your hand run over the front of his stomach, before quickly letting them find their way into the front of his pants. Your hand wraps around the thickness of his length, the inhale of a breath getting stuck in his throat.

“Fuck.” There’s an uncertainty to whom of you had spilled the word, your eyes meeting briefly before your lips finally meet in a hard, bruising kiss. His tongue slides against yours as his hands push down his pants just far enough to let himself free.

“Can’t stand it when other men look at you.” He grasps his cock in his hand, swiping it through your folds before he pushes into you. His cock stretches you ever so deliciously, though the angle makes it difficult for him to fully push into you. With a flick of his wrists, your hips are angled to his liking and he’s sheathing himself fully into your heat. “All mine,”

With a wanton moan and a struggle of your left hand, your right arm clasps around his neck, whimpering as his hips ruts against yours. His hands dig finger-shaped bruises into your ass as he keeps a tight hold on your skin, groaning into your shoulder as his teeth sink into the muscle.

The drag of his cock against your walls is making your head spin, his strong hands holding you is turning you on so indescribably, his grunts of pleasure making you feel hotter like you’d ever felt before.

“Mm, ¿te gusta eso?” he whispers, drawing out the force of his thrusts and you whimper, your fingers intertwining in the short hairs at the nape of his neck. He growls into your skin before coming up to face you, resting his forehead against yours.

“Sí, Javi!” you moan out wantonly, your tongue darting out to lick at his lips. He growls into your mouth as he picks up the speed of his thrusts, his hips slamming against yours animalistically, his hands holding your hips in place.

Your body jolts as his cock hits your insides perfectly, his thrusts encouraging moans from your lips. “You close, huh?” Javi groans into your mouth before sucking your lower lip into his mouth, biting and tugging at the tender flesh. You nod slightly, lip still trapped in between his teeth and you mewl when his fingers come into contact with your clit.

“Only I get to make you feel like this,” His hand briefly leaves your clit to come under your leg, fingers curling around the back of your knee as he lifts your limb up to rest on his shoulder. You let out a whine when he slides deeper into you, his cock hitting spots you didn’t even know you had. “Say it.”

Your moans are a whirlwind of yes, please and oh my god before his lips are against yours once more, silencing your whimpers from the undeniable pleasure the new angle is bringing upon you.

With the punishing pace of his unrelenting thrusts, you’re almost certain your soul leaves your body for just a short moment, as your orgasm crashes into you at full force. Your nails are painfully digging into the plump flesh of his shoulder as your cunt violently convulses around his length.

“Fuuuuuuuck..” Javi groans into your mouth as he stills deep inside of you, his cock pulsating ever so deliciously against your warm, contracting walls. His cum pumps through his shaft, coating your insides with the warmth of him, his breaths sharp and labored against your lips.

He pulls back slightly to look up at you, his arm lowering your now limp leg from his shoulder ever so carefully. His hands are soft against your skin as he caresses you, letting you come down from your euphoric high. He pulls out of your warm cunt, letting out a breath from the loss of contact.

You watch with hooded eyes as he pulls his pants back up, tucking himself back into the denim confinements before he pulls your shirt up over your breasts. He turns and grasps a few tissues to dry you off between your legs before helping you down from the table, pulling your skirt down to cover you.

On shaky legs you watch as he leans down and pull his shirt off of the floor, admiring him sliding his arms into the shirt before you watch him button it up, slowly leaning in to place another chaste kiss on your lips when he finishes.

“I don’t want you as an informant anymore.” He says as he turns, grabbing the pack of cigarettes off the table, before placing one between his lips. He turns back to you as he lights it, catching your dumbfounded expression, urging him to continue. He sighs as he looks down, holding out the pack for you.

You hesitantly take a cigarette for yourself, placing it between your lips watching him as he lights it for you. Javi knew you stopped smoking a while ago, yet he offered you one, just like when you started fucking.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You sit back on the table and watch him, inhaling the smoke deeply. You feel your fingers starting to tingle, letting you know the nicotine was doing its job properly.

“Me importas demasiado.” He bends down and grabs the bottle, unscrewing the lid before taking yet another sip of the strong alcohol. His hand comes up and straightens a furrow in his brow, sighing before approaching you again. His brown eyes are soft, warm, pleading.

His admission makes your exhale catch in your throat, making you cough harshly, and you grip the edge of the table to stabilize yourself. You look at him with wide eyes, not truly believing in his revelation. “Javi, you can’t just say something like that.”

The cigarette is back to your lips, your lungs inhaling the toxins greedily, trying to gain back control over the heart hammering in your chest. Javi steps around the table, finally freeing you from the handcuffs locked to the bar, and you grasp your sore wrist in your hand.

His warm hands find yours, taking a hold of your wrist. He brings it to his lips and kisses the angry red marks tenderly, making your heart flutter in your chest. That feeling – you’d felt it before.

Early mornings, the muted orange and pink light casting shadows on his tan skin. His lashes resting peacefully against his cheeks.

His warm eyes boring into yours when he’s on top of you, giving you the pleasure you so desperately longed for.

The safe place you found to be his apartment, the laughs, the longing looks. His lips against yours, whispering everything from the dirtiest words he knows, to the sweetest. The roughness, the softness.

That one time he let it slip, that one te amo that had knocked the air out of your lungs.

“Can’t live with myself if anything happens to you.” Your eyes find his and you feel your heart pick up the speed again. You promised yourself you wouldn’t. It was your one condition, and you’d broken it. How couldn’t you - seeing him like that, his tough façade gone...

Your hands came up to cradle his face, your thumb stroking his cheek as his eyes sought yours for something – anything at all. A few moments passed in silence, the only sound present was your breathing and a phone ringing somewhere in the distance. Javi sighed and let his eyes drop, biting his lip.

“Okay.” It was barely a whisper, but you know he heard it. His eyes shot back up to look at you, mouth slightly open… and then he kissed you. Soft, delicate. Just like the ones he would leave against your collarbones when he thought you were asleep.

#javier peña x reader #javier pena #Javier Peña #narcos #narcos fanfic #javier pena x reader #javier pena x you #Pedro Pascal x reader #Javier Peña x you #pedro pascal

[dirtypedrocharacterconfessions]

This isn't really a confession, I've been wanting to get this off my chest for the longest time and I think this is the best place to do so; I really liked Whiskey in the first half of the movie but when he showed that he wanted to kill all substance (ab)users my heart shattered. I know Pedro himself would never think that way of anyone but I still couldn't and still struggle to look at Whiskey. One of my parents abused alcohol, one of my siblings abused coke, an uncle abused heavier drugs, I myself am recently out of rehab for meth and coke abuse so do you get what I mean? I never asked for family tragedies and poverty nor did I pull the trigger on his wife in the context of the movie. It just shatters me completely, especially when NOBODY seems to be talking about this. At least not that I've seen. Everyone's on about how sad Whiskey's life has been and yes what happened is awful, but as a recently sober individual (who was struggling to STAY in rehab and not relapse when the movie came out) I absolutely HATE that nobody talks about this. At least in the fics I've seen in my attempts to not panic every time I see Whiskey, nobody seems to write his s/o as sharing his logic. Also sir alcohol is just as bad as most drugs even if it's legal wha-

I just wish someone would write a fic where Whiskey's s/o calls him out on his bullshit plan or better yet, reveals their blue veins to him because they're struggling with demons that they can't beat alone and they use drugs to shut them up for a brief moment in the night when they can't sleep. He needs therapy not only bc of his dead wife but also because trying to commit mass murder against people who (ab)use drugs is fucked up.

I was extremely happy when the fucker got minced to death even though he's a Pedro character. I didn't lose friends and family to drugs and alcohol because I wanted to nor did I kill them with my own hands.

Sorry for the heavy ass topic, I just felt like I'd burst if I didn't say anything and I don't want to make a public post and get harassed by the portion of Pedro fans who are unfortunately rather ignorant. Btw I'm an afro-latin trans guy and will try to save money for hormonal treatment and possibly surgery later on, so hey to all fellow poc and trans fans who feel alone here😭

I'm obviously not gonna publish this as a confession because it's fucking important. You're right! And you're completely valid for being uncomfortable regarding his character! The beliefs he expresses in the movie are fucked up! And deeply flawed! Before the admission of the whole situation with his wife, he does also mention something about Statesman stock prices skyrocketing, which is insane to me, too, because Wow how groundbreaking you're continuing to profit off of human suffering way to go

Anyway. It's easy for fic writers (like myself!) to take his character and change his story to get rid of all of that, but it definitely doesn't change to the effect of the movie canon on people who watched it. I think no one wants to talk about it because it makes them uncomfortable. Why? Either because they agree with him and don't want to say it because they know that it won't go over well, or they know he's wrong and would rather ignore that part of his character or write it out altogether than accept that maybe he's just a shitty person. (Granted, the nice thing about fiction is that no one's gonna get punished for rewriting a character, but I still think this is an important conversation to have.)

I'm not an addict, and I'm lucky enough to have grown up in a family where substance abuse and alcoholism was never a problem (while I was conscious, anyway, my grandpa is a recovered alcoholic but hasn't been drinking for decades & he doesn't talk about it much), so I don't really have an opinion on how this all effects people because it... doesn't really effect me, personally. Nonetheless it frustrates me that society treats addiction (or even just using certain drugs recreationally) as a moral issue when it isn't.

Anyway, I'm proud of you for getting the help you needed! And thank you for sharing this. I know for some people it's not the easiest topic to talk about. (also trans high five my dude)

#not confessions #anonymous #addiction tw #ask to tag

[johns-prince]

John also had a lovely mix of masculine and feminine physical traits, though this wouldn't become obvious until 1968. When he was on the skinny side (which I loved, sue me) you could tell how beautifully delicate and dainty his bone structure was, way more than Paul's imo. He had those gorgeous long legs and graceful narrow hips that you most commonly find in fashion models. And I love that until at least 1975, he showcased his body beautifully, especially those legs.

Ironically I feel as if people didn't embrace John's femme beauty as well as they did with Paul. I don't know why. Most people seem to prefer him with the more masculine look of 1966. Which was great as well, he was gorgeous but I am a big fan of the 1968 to 1974 run. Btw, note to fanfic writers: please, show John's body some love, I know Paul is stunning but it's kind of exhausting reading 10 pages about how pretty he is and when it comes to my boy John he barely gets a paragraph 😂

Alright, I feel like I’m probably gonna rub a lot of people in this fandom the wrong way with what I’m going to say but this is my blog and you did send this to my inbox so here we go; At the end of the days these are my thoughts and feelings and I might not articulate them very well or I often ramble till I do!

I have my issues, and a complicated relationship with 1968-70s John Lennon. I love John, and thought him healthy and just right in his body type, basically up until 1968, and it’s spotty onward throughout the 70s. To me, John was naturally masculine looking, there’s not exactly an era or year that I could give you like you gave me [Specifically 1966? What about his teddy boy days? All of the early 60s? Hell even throughout the 70s, to me John still was masculine looking to me] He was a bit awkward in his teenhood, but all the boys were, and gradually grew into his adult body. Boy was built and sturdy, naturally thick and strong. 

So we’re probably split on this, because while you see the positives in 1968-1974/70s John, I only really see the negatives. You say skinny, I say malnourished and/or sickly. Depressed druggie who was pushing everyone and everything he loved away, and becoming pathetically dependent on an individual like Yoko [and the other vultures during that time who were terrible influences] 

George was skinny, John was not well and either starving himself or simply using drugs and alcohol as the basis for his diet. And diets.. don’t even get me started on that, the diets he was on, the unhealthy lifestyle that his wife only seemed to enable and help him get on. 

When I look at George, sometimes I get the need to feed him, like an old Mexican mother. When I look at John, who’d lost an unhealthy amount of weight for what it looked like for his body type, I don’t see delicate and dainty bone structure. I see a man who just, he’s not well, something’s wrong.

I’ll give it to you that 1974 New York photoshoot looked very nice, he had muscle again in his arms, though he was still relatively skinny, he didn’t look sickly, or depressed. So I can give you that period during the 70s, I will give you that [hey he was away from Yoko during this no fucking wonder he looked pretty good here] and that shoot was definitely a model moment, wasn’t it? [Not like he didn’t have many of those moments throughout his life] 

So there moments in the seventies where I think John doesn’t look half bad? Even relatively fine? Certainly, I’m devastatingly attracted to this man, dear God almighty have mercy on my soul yes I am. So I’ll agree that yeah, there were periods during the 70s in which John seemed to hold himself fairly well, I’d still climb it.

But I’m at least willing to admit that when John started his spiraling, in 1968, that he was Not Okay. And I personally believe he wasn’t all that okay throughout most of the 70s too... Maybe my issue isn’t with him being ‘skinny’ as it is I don’t like the underweight/severely underweight look on John, I just don’t. The incredibly unhealthy way he went about losing weight... Physically frail doesn’t fit him, and it only upsets me whenever I see photos of him that show how thin his legs became or how you can see his ribs, just how wasted away he’d look at times throughout the 70s, up until the last days of his life. 

You want a “skinny” or ''skinnier'' John Lennon? A healthy, ‘’skinny/skinnier’’ John Lennon for his body type, is ‘66 and ‘67 in my eyes, and even then it wasn’t a radical change in weight loss; John still looked like John.

And speaking of 1968-1969, or the White Album era; don’t think it isn’t lost on me when I see people making light of John’s unhygienic appearance during the making of the White Album. Boy was depressed and hurting for whatever reason, again, spiraling, and getting lost in Yoko and heroin as a means of escapism and someone to tell him ‘it’s alright it isn’t your fault it’s everyone else’s fault’. Of course he didn’t care much for his personal appearance or hygiene... I will say I appreciate your appreciation for him during that period, instead of getting the whole ‘stinky/smelly rat man.’ Maybe I’m too much of a ‘’stan’’ but I don’t find it very amusing or endearing. 

Don’t find me mocking or ‘’teasing’’ Paul’s depressed ass and his appearance during the breakup period/white album era-- but I suppose it’s because Paul actually tried and wasn’t on hard drugs, and had a good wife, so he was able to wear his depression and struggle with alcoholism a bit better, hmm? I don’t like Paul’s beard simply because I know it was the result of his lack of energy, depression, and falling into the drink-- he simply didn’t feel the need nor had the energy to care for himself, so that’s why he let it grow out. I don’t like it because of that, but that’s as much as you’ll get from me. 

Anyway... Maybe I just don’t see John as characteristically feminine/effeminate as Paul, although he has his moments of acting and wearing clothes that are campy and elegant or give off a softer appearance, specifically around 1968 and throughout the 70s. But otherwise, I can’t agree, John didn’t have the same mixture, or balance of masculine and feminine traits as Paul-- and if it’s only made obvious during the downfall turning point of The Beatles and John (1968), then I don’t think that really counts as a ‘’lovely’’ mix of masculine and feminine traits for the reasons I mentioned. So I’ve got to disagree. John's always come off as much more masculine, or naturally masculine, both physically and characteristically, to me.

You know maybe it’s just the blogs I interact with, but I feel like it’s the other way around. I know I can sometimes come off as aggressive but at the end of the day I don’t necessarily care what one person thinks or believes, since it’s all relatively subjective to our own ideas of things and biases, etc... I have my thoughts and beliefs and theories and whether people agree or disagree with them on tumblr dot com... Well, what’re you gonna do? Nothing, it’s not my problem. 

What I 100% agree on you with is about showing Johnny’s body a bit more love and attention to detail when it comes to writing about him in fanfiction! 

There’s his auburn red hair, a darker ginger, which was thick and fun to watch as it lit up like fire when sunlight hit him, and could easily go wavy and curl when left unkempt and natural. The splattered and scattered galaxies of light freckles up and down his arms, his shoulders, his back, even a couple on his face. His aquiline nose, a relatively square jawline and facial structure, thick, heavy eyebrows which really intensify expressions of rage and hurt, almond shaped eyes which are the color of honey-amber when the light hits them just right and outlined with thick, long lashes, blind as a bat without his glasses but can give a mean squint which either helps scare off trouble, or brings it right to him, especially when he’s got thin bitten lips that could pull off a devilishly cheeky smirk or a no-good, charming grin to showcase teeth with the upper front turned slightly in towards each other, gives that imperfection which truly just perfects it-- a face like that of a tragic hero in a Greek Romance, distinctive and handsome. How he just oozed filthy sex and genuine trouble, sweaty leather and smoky dancehalls and rock & roll that crawls up your spine like an orgasm. Hips that could roll like Elvis and strong legs, thick thighs which would make a lovely place to sit. Broad shoulders, strong arms that could easily manage to lift you up and manhandle you in any way he’d like. Big hands, almost like shovels-- beautiful hands, with fingernails usually bitten short and occasionally had black ink or charcoal under them from when he’d be working on art, and rough, callused fingertips from playing guitar till they split and bleed, add a lovely roughness to any gentle touching he might do. A naturally thick midsection, a normal, healthy layer of fat which covers the sinewy just beneath. Any hair is light, light and lightly colored, on his arms and legs and chest. Cute tush, nice butt, a nice boy butt, slightly muscular bubble butt. 

Fun facts; he had the largest feet out of all four Beatles. John isn’t circumcised. John and George share the same height. John has a surprisingly long tongue. John’s skin tone may be light, but for comparison, he’s much tanner compared to Paul-- he’s a bit more olive or wheat to his skin tone, and tanned very, very well. John’s cheeks could become easily red though. John liked the scent of citrus to wear--  he was also self conscious about the fact he could easily sweat and so usually wore such colognes or scents, didn’t want to smell bad. He started smelling of witch hazel when with Yoko. Despite his issue with sweating, he didn’t smell bad naturally. John was a true romantic, being an artist outside of being a musician/rock and roller-- he just didn’t like to show it, and growing up in his time, you couldn’t. John’s a swimmer, he loved to swim and loved the ocean. 

#questionsquestionsquestions #beatles discussion/discourse #these are my feelings and thoughts and i can't feel bad for them

[moss-lyman]

“God you make me blush so damn much” for Donna? You’re writing is amazing btw!

this is a culmination of this post and me rewatching Dazed and Confused for the 50th time, so you can kind of see where I’m going with this fic plot lolol.

(if smoking marijuana is a trigger for you, please do not read this!)

just some post-series silliness, under the cut :)

“Donna?” Josh calls as he walks into the apartment. “I’m home!” He drops his bag by the door and steps into the kitchen to grab a beer as Donna makes her way into the living room, a cheshire grin on her face.

“Hi,” she chirps, her hands behind her back as she comes to give him a quick kiss. “How was your day?”

“Fine,” he hedges, looking at her cautiously. “Why do you look like that?”

She grins even harder at his look of confusion and he still has no idea what’s going on until she brings a hand forward and produces something slim and white. His eyebrows raise, somehow even more confused now.

“Is that what I think it is?”

Donna rolls the object between her fingers. “If you’re thinking it’s a joint I confiscated from a couple interns who were hiding behind a tree by the Mall, you’d be correct.”

“And you thought it’d be a good idea to bring drugs back to our apartment?” he asks, but he’s smirking at her.

“Well,” she drawls, still twirling the joint, “apparently interns feel safe enough to smoke on their lunch breaks, so I figured you had a pretty lax system in place.”

He rolls his eyes and leans forward to snag it out of her hand. He’s about to toss it in the trash, but Donna stops him.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m throwing it away.”

“That’s a bit hasty, don’t you think?”

Josh’s grin ticks up in amusement. “Well, well, well,” he says, leaning back against the counter as his eyes dance gleefully. “Little Miss Goody Two Shoes has a dark side?”

“Hey, you were the one who ate too many brownies in college and missed your midterm and the Dean’s List,” she counters and his jaw drops open. “I’m just saying, we have an opportunity here. It’d be unwise to waste it.”

“How do you know about that?”

She takes the joint from him and moves back to the living room. “I know many things, Josh,” she says ominously, swiping a lighter next to a candle she has set on the mantle and looking at him intently. “Are you gonna tell on me?”

“What has gotten into you?” he asks, still fully amused and wanting to see where it leads. “Have you ever even smoked a joint before?”

“I did go to college, Josh.”

He stares at her for a moment before shrugging. “Fuck it. C’mere.” He beckons her to the couch and takes both items from her hand before sparking the lighter and lifting the joint to his lips to light it. She grins when he coughs, but takes it from his hands to puff on it herself. “God, my lungs are not what they used to be.”

Donna smiles and passes it back to him, the air soon foggy around them. She vaguely wonders if the secret service can smell it. “Tell that to your staffers.”

“Hey, there have been zero noise complaints this year,” he argues, searching for something to put the excess ash in. He reaches for an abandoned cup, ticking off the ash and taking another puff before passing it back to her. He moves to lean against the opposite armrest and brings her feet onto his lap while his bracket her hips. “I don’t yell that much anymore. I’m totally zen.”

Donna laughs and puts the joint out, setting the cup on the table before looking at him and grinning at the glazed over expression on his face. “I think you’re totally baked.”

“I can’t believe I smoked a joint with Donnatella Moss,” he says triumphantly. “I feel like I just got the valedictorian to play hooky.”

She nudges him in the stomach with her toe. “Why do you think I’m such a prude?”

“I don’t,” he insists, massaging one of her feet with his thumbs. “Believe me, you are definitely not a prude.” He smirks and brings her foot up to kiss the side of it, his eyes boring into hers. “But I just don’t see you as a stoner.”

“I dabbled,” she says coolly, scooting further down on the couch as Josh switches to massage the other foot. “If I was at a party or something...” she shrugs and he smiles wider.

“I’m so glad I’m witnessing this right now.”

Donna giggles softly, but they soon overtake her and Josh watches amusedly as she hides her face. “You make me blush too damn much,” she whines and Josh laughs out loud.

“What do you mean?”

She takes her foot back from his grip so she can rear up on her knees and move to straddle his lap, her smile still bright and happy. “You’re too sweet to me. I don’t deserve all the flattery and flirting.”

“You’re pretty proud of yourself for saying ‘flattery and flirting’ without stammering, aren’t you?”

“You see what I mean?” she whines again, the smile stuck on her face as she looks away from him.

“I’m not gonna apologize for telling you the truth, Donna. You’re amazing. You’re- that’s not even the right word. You are sunshine personified.” He sits up a little more as the euphoria takes over, and grabs her hips. “You’re that feeling you get when you’re a kid going to his first Mets game and he walks into Shea Stadium for the first time and smells the hotdogs and grass and dirt and New York and thinks there’s no way anything can get better than this. Do you know what I mean?” he asks her, his eyes hooded, but bright, and a smile on his face that Donna’s become very familiar with.

“You sound like you’re in love, Josh,” she murmurs, her own eyes watery.

“I am very much in love,” he agrees, bringing her closer to him. “With the best girl on the whole damn planet.”

Donna settles more comfortably on top of him, swaying a little, and she plays with his overgrown hair. “You’re in love with Betty White?”

He chuckles and pulls her down so he can kiss her. “Did you change your name?” he asks against her lips and she smiles while shaking her head. “Then, no, I’m not in love with Betty White.”

She schools her face into innocence. “Who then?”

“You,” he whispers simply, playing along as he gives her another kiss. He smiles when the blush creeps back up her neck and he kisses a rosy cheek before leaning back. “Forever and ever.”

She braces herself on his shoulders, a dazed smile on her lips, and he tucks her hair behind her ear, grinning himself. She doesn’t say anything before swinging off of him and grabbing the cup and lighter and heading to their bedroom.

“Where are you going?” he calls after her.

Donna looks at him over her shoulder. “Come show me your best McConaughey impression,” she says pointedly and he smirks before standing quickly and sidling up behind her, moving her hair so he can put his lips right to her ear.

“Alright, alright, alright.”

#my fic #josh x donna #the west wing #this is so dumb lol but i hope you enjoyed it!!!

[captain-aralias]

Life stuff

this feels kind of weird, because i’ve never used my tumblr like this, but i would have written something on my livejournal, and i want people to know - i just dont want to have to tell people about it, or really talk about it at all. 

but i also wanted to write this, idk. 

(TW: impending death of a parent)

my mum has cancer. 

it’s a rare form of cancer, called peritoneal cancer, which is similar to but different from ovarian cancer - i think it mostly gets diagnosed (like my mum’s) when it’s too late to do anything about it. all the treatment has been palliative only i.e. letting her live as long and as comfortably as possible.

she was diagnosed in september last year - about a year ago, a few months after running the ‘virtual’ london marathon on the isle of wight, where she lives, and obviously deep in lockdown. 

as someone undergoing chemo, she was deemed extremely vulnerable to covid, and so she spent most of the early pandemic isolating. she also said she didn’t see any point in my brother and i visitng her, particularly given the risks, because we could talk via facetime - which is fair enough - all of which meant my brother and i didn’t go to visit her until May this year, after she’d done the first lot of chemo and was already doing much better again. 

a few months after that, we found out that while she’d responded really well to the chemo, her cancer wasn’t responding at all to the maintenance drugs that were suposed to stop it coming back, so she came off the drugs completely. medical advice was basically chemo is as effective whenever you do it, so you might as well enjoy your life for a while, we’ll monitor it every month, and when things start to get too bad, we’ll put you back in chemo. 

it’s friday tomorrow - so two fridays ago, i saw my mum in london after she’d just seen hamilton with her partner, graham. both of them loved hamilton. her hair had grown back, she seemed pretty normal. about a week later, she was in A&E - and she’s been in the hospital all week. she’s got a total bowel obstruction, which means she can’t eat and hasn’t eaten since last week.

now in a weird situation where there are a few tricky, difficult options (including being moved off the island back onto the mainland to a bigger hospital) that will mean that she stays alive long enough to get the chemo, which will probably get her back to hamilton-watching strength, or ... she could die really soon. like, in a few days. 

we can’t visit. her partner can’t visit because covid - there’s this really sad-making photo of him looking happy on the phone through a window to my mum, also on the phone, inside the hospital. 

i feel...

???? :( :( :( ....

i guess this is the main point of the post. i’m not writing this crying, i’m writing it pretty neutrally - because my brain isn’t really processing it right now, and mostly doesn’t process it. 

i did cry earlier today while on the phone to various people, and then i went back to work. i hate crying, i hate being sad, and i dont like people comforting me, because it makes me realise that i have something to be sad about. 

i’ve known she had cancer for a year. i haven’t been able to hang out with her most of that time. i would say, we are fairly close, although not nearly as close as some families. we don’t talk every week, but we talk regularly, and have seen each other regularly. 

i’m so incredibly privileged that nothing that bad has ever happened to me, even though i’m 35. i’ve never been to a funeral, which seemed like a major life win and now i think was a mistake, i should have gone to funerals for people i card about less to help get used to it. 

the literal only comparison i have to how i feel is when my cat Anton died suddenly  about 3 years ago - i handled it with a mix of not thinking about it, being intensely sad for as brief a period as i could, and probably by thinking about how sad my girlfriend was about it, and sort of sidestepping my own feelings in comparison. 

i remember when my last remaining grandparent died - and i was about 14 or something - i wasn’t sad for myself, i was only sad for her my dad being sad. for ages, i worried that i was not going to be sad enough about this - and i still sort of am. 

but i also passionately hate the idea of being sad and i know i’ll look to avoid it as much as possible, and try and get on with my life. 

i know my mum dying isn’t about me - when people write after death it’s about the person who died, obviously. that makes sense. but this post isn’t about my mum, who is a very cool person, much cooler than me - it’s about me. because i am self-obsessed and this is going to wreck my life for a while.

it’s weird, because i can see it on the horizon but it’s not happening yet. and i dont know whether that’s good or bad - i feel like it’s good, in a way. someone ages ago told me that the grieving period starts when you get the news. that seems very true to me - but also, i know that it’s going to ramp up, and so i’m like in the expectation of true grief right now. 

it’s sort of like she died, but also is still going to die, but also i can magically still talk to her. which is really nice, in a way, it’s like a second chance, because i know i didn’t reach out enough before she had cancer. and i’m aware enough of my own actions that i know this is what’s been going on in my head the past year - i should reach out more, because she has cancer, but i dont want to make it seem like i’m reaching out because she has cancer, even though she knows i know she has cancer....... and also, i’m busy writing this fic. /o\

the fact that she seemed to recover (even though my mum insisted on saying ‘i am not recovered, i’m going to die soon’ like several time as a day as a disclaimer) also totally messed with my head, because i knew logically - ok, it’s happening. but also, things seemed so normal when we speak. even when i called her today, and she hasn’t eaten for a week, it seemed normal. 

btw - i realised this week i had no idea how cancer killed people. my mum is a scientist and has looked up all kinds of things about what’s killing her; i’m clearly a simon snow and didn’t want to think about things i can’t help. if you’d asked me, i’d have said like... it poisons you or something, or blocks bloodflow to your brain. not what i think will actually do it which is.... starvation. or being too weak to survive being pumped full of the poison that is intended to kill the cancer. (that one i guess i could have predicted.) man - cancer sucks. i mean, we all knew it. 

(i failed to get into cambridge university at interview stage, many years ago. the man who interviewed me gave me some extremely memorable feedback, which is that i needed to dial back the ‘defensive irony’ - which i thnk in that context meant i put myself down and tried to make a joke of everything. i remember when i got the phonecall to say Anton, my cat, was dead, i literally did not know what to do with my voice - because my instinct was to try and make the vet feel better, and also to present myself as bright and capable, and yet this unexpected and devasting news had just come through. rainbow wrote something sort of similar because she’s a good writer, for shepard as he tells penny about his curse. i feel like that.) 

what else did i want to say? 

i thought i had more time. ‘hamilton’ will probably always be tied to this moment in my mind, because of how much i’ve spoken to my mum about it in the past few weeks (i sent her the remix - she liked it, she listened to it in hospital while trying to drink more than 100ml of fluids) but yeah - this is basically a line from hamilton here. whatever. don’t make me feel my own feelings, let me just quote things. i dont like my own feelings. (no, i dont want to go to therapy - they’d make me talk about my feelings all the time, i’m british for god’s sake.) 

i’m 35 - my mum is 68. i didn’t think she’d die this early or that i’d have to deal with this yet. but then i also don’t think bad things are ever going to happen to me - because mostly they haven’t, see above. i wear a mask and am double vaccinated because i’m not an asshole, but i dont really believe i’ll get covid because bad things don’t happen to me. i didn’t think my mum would die - maybe ever, but definitely not yet. she’s been retired a decade after teaching (science) and has enjoyed it. 

i thought i had time to not have kids yet - which is the other thing (like hamilton) that this moment is really tied up with for me. i feel like 35 is getting quite old, but also not that old to still not have kids, but intend to maybe have them. my feelings about kids were basically like - up until like 25, i thought, yes, definitely. i mean, before i had a realtiosnhip (22-ish), i just assumed i would probably have a het marriage and have kids etc, like people do, but after that we were still talking, yes, children at some point. 

didn’t prioritise it for a few reasons - none of my close friends had children until quite recently, so it just didn’t seem like an urgent thing in the way that it probably does for people with different friendship groups. waiting to be settled enough in a job to be able to take maternity leave without it feeling like a rip off for my employer. waiting for a good time in erin’s PhD writing cycle. and then pandemic. and then a few years ago, maybe as i turned 30, i thought - maybe we won’ have kids, because we still haven’t - and i vocalised that to erin. 

also, i know a lot of people are gay and have children, so it’s not like it’s a thing that is impossible at all, but it’s much much harder if you have to leave your home and your relationship in order to get a child. it has to be a very very conscious decisions. i have friend who are men who have good genes, but we’re not so close i want to ask them for their sperm/to be involved however remotely in making a child - and (i was surprised to discover) (what a lot of things i dont know anything about) you an’t really just buy sperm, it’s not truly legal except through a clinic. and it’s extremely expensive to get inseminated in a clinic, and the NHS don’t really do that, so you do have to pay it. i thought kids would be expensive after they were born, but not before. and i REALLY wanted a house, much much more than - i think even today - i’ve ever wanted a child. i REALLY wanted a house - and now we have a house, and it’s pretty good. but - that’s where the money went, until the pandemic - thanks pandemic - so now we do have some disposable cash at last, because i didn’t commute. 

but now erin is worried about climate change - and wheher it’s right to bring more children into the world, and other things. and.... i think i do want to be pregnant, it’s what i’m planning for - don’t leave this job (which admittedly i also really like, and pays me well - i dont thin i need to leave) because next stop maternity leave, but..... 

i don’t know whether i am thinking, time ot have kids because my best friend just had a baby (the baby’s name is horatio - for real, i actually love this name) (i also haven’t seen her or the baby except over skype, because anna - my friend - is, like my mother, also scared of pandemic) and my brain is like - ok, well, if anna is doing it, i guess the time is here 

AND - i know there’s a large part of me that was like, gotta be pregnant and ideally have the baby before my mum dies so she gets to see that she had a grandchild. my brother and i are both queer, btw, in case you were wondering - he’s considering whether he wants to transition right now (but is still happy with he/him pronouns) and - you may find this astonishing, but i genuinely don’t know whether he’d consider himself ace, or has been in relationships. he’s very private, he has OCD and is in therapy - but anyway, he’s probably not having kids anytime soon (i think!) and graham - my mum’s boyfriend/partner of 10+ years. -has grandchildren, but my extremely middleclass white (but definitely not conservative voters, always 100% not-tory) parents ended up with me and my brother.... and i don’t know, as i say, i don’t know whether my brain is saying ‘have kids before it’s too late’ - although i know by now that it will be too late. even if my mum recovers from this, this time, i don’t think i can produce a child before she dies - and she isn’t asking me too, she’s not like that, but i would have liked her to be there. i thought she would be. 

so - i’m thinking about that. also, about getting a dog. i really want a dog - although i don’t want to upset the three cats (one we’ve had for eight years or so, the other two we got after Anton died). it’s ALSO really hard and expensive to get a dog. you’d think with all these ‘a dog isn’t just for the pandemic, a dog is for life’ type adverts around, that it would be easy to adcidentally get a dog - i’ve looked! you ccan’t get a dog unless you have no cats and you’re super experienced and can take a dog with lots of trauma or medical problems, or you’re willing to pay thousands of pounds. like - even for a regular not even pedigree dog - at least a thousand. pedigree dog - several thousand. i dont want a puppy either - i want a dog. 

and - this is embarrassing to admit, but i’ve alrady told erin - i genuinely had a phase of being super annoyed when i’d read fics where someone just ‘got a dog’. it’s not that simple!!! it’s fiction, it doesn’t matter - chill out. the baby thing too - although weirdly not fics where magic meant it was possible to get a baby, weirdly it was smut. i had a brief week or so of crazy (and i don’t think i am that crazy) where i’d read about fictional semen and just be like - wtf, it’s so hard to get hold of that shit. (it’s not real, this isn’t real semen being wasted, calm down - and i dont even really know if i want kids, i might just think i do.) 

the other thing about the bad thing being soon but not yet (but also being all the time, but not if you dnt think about it) is that i’m thinking - should i prioritise writing my remix now, in case my mum dies and i’m too sad to do it, and then i didn’t do my remix? i was definitely thinking this while writing classroom politics (i hope my mum doesn’t die becaue i dont want to be too sad to miss the deadline) and in the run up to AWTWB .....

today i wrote a list of things for work that would need to be picked up if i have to unexpectedly stop working, either because i’m too sad, or because i have to do funeral stuff, or .... i guess legal stuff about settling the estate. (i guess this happens to a lot of people, too, but it’s also a bit of a mindfuck that my brother and i will inherit her house and a bunch of cash when she dies - i’m pretty well off, my brotehr does virtual reality theatre stuff so really isn’t - we’ve talked about how much easier both of our lives will be with a huge injection of cash, and how we dont know what to feel about that) (great news, dogs and kids are really expensive! time to find out whether i really wanted to spend my money on those.) told people i like at work that it’s coming, and that i dont want to talk about it. and mostly just... carrying on with life, really. until it happens. 

it’s so weird how easy it is to carry on most of the time.i know my mum’s partner is not doing nearly so well - he has to cope with an empty house and he’s retired. i’ve had periods - including right now - where i wake up every morning and check my phone to see whehter someone called me or texted me to tell me it’s over. but most of the day i’m actually really fine. i even had an ok day today. and i don’t know whether i want that to be the case, or whether i shouldn’t let myself do that. i dont know what i should prepare for in terms of where i’ll be - will i want lots of stuff to distract me (this is my guess) and work is very good for that, or i will want to clear time and space because i can’t operate and dont want people to offer me comfort. (FYI - this post isn’t written to make people say anything to me, i definitely dont want to talk about it, so please don’t feel you either have to comment or check in on me - i don’t really want you to. it’s enough to have written it, in my own time, in my own space.)

i think i wanted to write this post in a way because i thought i probably wouldnt want to write it after my mum died - because i probably wouldn’t want to say anything about it at all, for a few years. 

my mum keeps telling me about the show ‘jane the virgin’ - which she’s half way through. shhe asked me to give it a try, so i did (she often tells me about shows on radio 4, which i rarely listen to. i thouht i had more time.) i’ve watched an episode (because she has cancer, i should listen to her recommendations)(but i dont want her to know that’s why i did it) and i do quite like - it’s light and frothy and well cut together (although about kids and artificial insemination, of course). i guess in a worse case scenario where i’m too sad to work or write, i will probably watch a lot of this show - which is incredibly not sad - and feel sad about how my mum never finished it. 

BUT ALSO SHE MIGHT BE OK. for a while. 

i dont know how i feel, blargh. anyway. this was a long post. i think i wrote it mostly for me. feelings are weird. covid really sucks and so does cancer. 

going to order some chicken and watch inuyasha.

#my content #tw: death #tw: death of a parent #tw: death of a loved one #personal #tw: cancer

[simply-trash5]

PuppetBoy

Okay Kankuro simps, got some more juice for ya! Seriously this was so fun to write. It is a college AU about Kankuro and a reader. I am pretty proud of it. I would love to write some things for you so PLEASE request. Seriously. I’ll even try smut (I’ve never written it before so we’ll see how it goes). Drop them in the ask box and if you like what you read you should totally tell me because i am a self conscious bean.

What the hell is that noise? You think to yourself as you look around. It sounded terrible. Whatever car was making that noise was definitely on it’s last leg. You nod your head realizing it was the same guy you see everyday parked across from the education building at your college. You could hear loud metal playing from the speakers and the windows shaking as he pulled into the lot. He jumped out,slammed the door and gave the tire a swift kick. Wow he’s kinda cute. He stood almost 6 ft. tall and had on a black hoodie that hung lightly over his brown hair. His black jeans had rips in the knees and you could see he was wearing scuffed black DocMartens. You continued to follow him with your eyes as he passed you walking toward the theatre building. He had an eyebrow ring and gauges. Oh shit, I think he caught me staring. He looked at you, scoffed and kept walking toward the theatre building. Is he a theatre major? You wondered to yourself. Maybe he just has to take a fine art credit. Letting your thoughts wander you pulled the straps on your bookbag tighter and walked to your class in the education building. 

The class seemed to drag on forever, and you knew after that you had to go to your nannying job which would take up most of the evening. You wished that you didn’t have to have a job, but unfortunately scholarships didn’t cover all of your tuition. You grabbed your keys from your pocket and headed toward the parking lot. Climbing into your car you started the engine and began making your way to your job. You loved kids, so nannying was a great gig for you. When you arrived at the home of a doctor in your area you were greeted by a small boy with a large grin. “Ms. Y/N, can we go to the children’s theater today? Mom said we could go if it was okay with you, she even left my booster seat so you can drive!” You giggled and shrunk down to his height. “Well if your mom says it's okay, it's fine by me. Let’s grab your jacket and booster seat and we will leave.” The small child ran into the house. His mother approached you. “Thank you so much for watching Trevor,I know he is a handful but i'm rather fond of him.” You gave her a huge smile and told her that it was no problem and explained that you were going to take him to the children's theatre. She said her goodbyes and you walked into the house to retrieve the boys booster seat so that you all could make the 4:00 production of the Three Little Pigs. 

The little boy sitting in front of you on the floor giggled wildly as a wolf puppet “ran” off stage. You smiled down at him. The curtains closed and the crowd gave them a round of applause. The stage hands and puppeteers began to disassemble the set so that they could get ready for the next show when you saw a familiar face. It's car boy. You smiled in his direction, and didn’t realize you may have looked at him a little too long. “Hey, take a picture, it will last longer.” The mysterious boy gave you an annoyed look and a blush began to creep up your face. He was wearing a tight black tshirt that showed off his muscular arms and his tattoo of a sandtimer on his forearm. “Come on Trevor, lets head home,” you said steering the young boy out of the theatre.

“Oh my god what did you say back?” your friend was screeching on the other side of the phone. “Well, see, I just kinda left.” you explained not wanting to relive the embarrassing moment. “Y/N, you have got to do something tomorrow. You’re going to see him in the parking lot and you don’t want it to be weird.” You were twirling your hair around your finger staring at your phone. “Y/N are you still there?” You snapped back to reality, “yeah, I think I will buy him a cup of coffee. I’m sure he never sleeps like the rest of us. He is a college student.” You both finished your conversation and you got ready for bed. You set your alarm early so that you could go to a coffee shop and grab him a coffee to make up for the awkward run-ins you had the last few days. 

“God its early” you whined to yourself but got ready anyway. You had to make a better impression on puppet boy. You gathered your things and headed out the door and made your way to a local coffee shop. You grabbed your latte and then decided it was best to just give him black coffee. You drove to your college thinking about the handsome stranger all the way there. His brown hair was shaggy and fell right into his eyes, which you melted at the thought of his hair being pushed out of his face. Your mind started to drift to what your next move would be as you pulled into the parking lot. Okay, it's 7:45 he should be here any minute. Shit what should I do? In a moment of extreme confidence you grabbed a pen out of your backpack and messily scribbled your phone number on the side of the paper cup. God I hope this works. You took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. You could hear him coming for at least a mile. Alright Y/N you cannot chicken out now. He rolled in and slammed his car door as he had every morning for the earlier part of the semester. It's now or never, you've got this shit. You beelined toward his car. He realized you were approaching and looked at you with a strange face. You immediately got nervous. You just sat the coffee cup on the hood of his car, turned on your heel, and quickly walked to the education building. “HEY! HEY COME BACK!” You heard him calling after you as you continued on your way to class cursing yourself the entire time.

Buzz

You grabbed your phone from your pocket. An unknown number had sent you a text. “How do I know you didn’t drug this coffee so you can turn my corpse into a puppet?” you laughed at the text and a blush spread over your cheeks. “Now why would I do that?” you replied. You typed “Also that is oddly specific” “What can I say, I like puppets?” The conversation continued for the next few days. You saw him a few times on campus but you never spoke in person. He would send you funny memes and videos at all hours of the night. Apparently puppetboy is a night owl. “Um btw, we’ve been talking for days and I still don’t know your name. What should I call you.” “My name is Kankuro.” “Well Kankuro, my name is Y/N. Its nice to put a name with a face.”

Shit I’m never gonna finish this run. You thought to yourself as you continued to run on the treadmill. You had your headphones in and music blaring. You loved to run and hadn’t been to the gym in a few days due to all of your nannying obligations. Okay, only a half mile more to go, you thought to yourself as you pushed your body to keep running. Out of nowhere you felt a large calloused hand on your shoulder. You snapped your head “Hey listen creep I-” before you knew it you were falling only to be caught by Kankuro. “Y/N you falling for me already?” Kankuro flirted giving you a tight smirk. You were shocked, not only by the fall, but by the arms around you. They were strong and helped steady you with ease. He was wearing a dark grey tank top which showed his muscles and tattoo off wonderfully. His legs were muscular too and looked amazing in the black shorts he was wearing. In his other hand he had a pair of boxing gloves. You began to blush and he realized you were staring at him, imagining what he looked like under that tank top. Your hand crept up to your neck where you fiddled with your necklace. He gave you a small chuckle. “I’ve got to go spar with my buddy, but if you want to you can meet me out front in an hour.” You smiled and shook your head and he turned and walked away. The shorts hugged his bottom perfectly and the tank top showed his shoulder muscles. You could see another tattoo on his back. Was it puppet strings? You pursed your lips and began to blush. I would love to see those strings up close. 

The hour wait seemed like the longest hour of your life. You waited out in front of the gym as he came bounding out the door. He was sweating and his shaggy hair was sticking to his forehead. He walked over to his car and opened the door. It made a horrendous screech as it opened and you stifled a laugh. “Whats so funny princess? Just for that we gotta walk to get food.” You blushed. Did he just call me princess? Why was that so hot? “Come on, I’m starving,” he said and began walking down the sidewalk. You walked hurriedly to match his long strides. Damn my short legs. “So Kankuro, where are we going?” he gave you a crooked grin. “Its a surprise.” You giggled and retorted “well how do I know you’re not trying to get me alone and turn my corpse into a puppet?” He gave you a devilish grin, “Well sweetheart lets find out.” Another pet name. Your face turned bright red and you stared at the sidewalk. You approach a deli that you frequent with your friends. “I love this place,” you exclaimed. “Well don’t be weird and actually order some food. I like a girl with an appetite.” You laughed and smiled. You ordered your usual and he ordered grabbing your food and heading outside to a table. You both began eating and chatting casually about your lives. You found out he loves horror movies, especially ones that feature creepy dolls or puppets. You also learned that he has a lot of horror memorabilia in his apartment and that he rarely sleeps. He boxes to keep himself busy when hes not working as a children’s puppeteer. He is studying theatre with concentrations in stage management and special effects makeup. “Kankuro, thats really fucking cool,” you said and began to tell him about yourself. You were studying to be a teacher and nannying as a job to make money for college. You lived in an apartment around the corner from the deli with a friend. “So Kankuro I noticed the sand timer on your arm, do you have any other tattoos?” He gave you another devilish grin.”Yeah I have a back piece that is marionette strings. I’ve loved puppets since I was little so I thought it would be cool. Do you have any tattoos?” You blushed. You stood and pulled up your athletic top to show a tattoo of your family's crest on your hip. You had to pull your shorts down ever so slightly revealing your black lacy underwear. He looked at the tattoo and then back to your face. “Thats a nice one,” he said and rubbed the back of his neck. The conversation continued and you all talked more about your semester and your family. You laughed and told him about how you liked to run and also about how you thought it was cool he was a boxer. “Maybe one day we can spar angel,” he flashed a smile in your direction and you smiled back at the thought. You both got up from the table and threw your trash away. It was dark and cool. You pulled your jacked tighter around your shoulders. “I guess I am going to walk home and let you get back to the gym.” Kankuro shook his head “absolutely not doll, its dark and I’m walking you home.” You blushed. Another pet name, this boy is gonna be the death of me. 

You began walking toward your apartment and your hands brushed several times by accident. “Damn Y/N if you wanted to hold my hand that bad all you had to do was ask. I aim to please.” You blushed and then punched Kankuro. “Still want to spar?” you said cheekily. You both walked in silence but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was as if you had known him your whole life. The comfort of him walking beside you felt so nice. “Well this is my apartment.” You sighed and reached for the door. 

BAM

The door slammed shut and you noticed a strong arm beside your face. Kankuro looked down at your lips and smirked. You began to blush. The tension was so thick. I swear im going to pass out. Your heart began racing as he leaned into you. Your back was pressed against the glass of the door with a strong arm beside your head. His other hand made its way to your tattooed hip, he drew circles over your ink with his calloused thumb. His hands were so large that you could feel his fingertips on your back. The heat rose to your cheeks. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss against your lips. He pulled back, his hand still burning a hole into your hip bone. You opened your eyes to see a smirked Kankuro. You were in shock when he reached his other hand to brush a stray piece of hair out of your face. Your thoughts raced, you wanted nothing more to bring him up to your apartment and let him give you that devilish grin some more. 

“Guess I’m not a killer princess. Text me.” He chuckled, turned on his heel and walked back toward the gym. You watched him until he walked out of sight. You were ready to see him again and maybe see more of that back tattoo.

#naruto #naruto oneshot #naruto fanfiction #naruto au #kankuro x reader #kankuro au #kankuro #kankuro imagines #naruto imagines #eeeeek #im v nervous #please like it kank simps #trash writes

[seijorhi]

asks :)

sorry for being a little mia yesterday/today - i’m bad at answering stuff :(

Were the team like "Meian we have an idea for a team bonding exercise hear us out" or was Meian's idea? A way to get their manager undercontrol before they got the team in deeper trouble? Did Meian get his turn??

I love your stories!

people seem to have fundamentally misunderstood the ending of unprofessional. when meian said the others were coming, he meant they were comin’ for their turn with their pretty lil manager 👀asdfgfcghjhjkl no, but meian was definitely on board with the plan - it might not have been his idea, but he certainly wasn’t objecting. it’s for the good of the team, after all. 

and thank you!

Sakusa walking alone with manager-chan: it’s free real estate

where is the lie??

IM INLOVE WITH THE NEW FIC😭 I JUST FINISHED MY EXAMS AND IT WAS GOOD REWARD I LOVE I LOVE ITTTT😭😭😭

ahhh thank you bby!! and i hope your exams went well!! i’m sure you kicked ass!

POOR LITTLE MANAGER CHAN. I never thought anything could make MSBY boys hotter, but mean!Meian takes the cake~ I want him to act like the good guy after all this is over, to pretend to be the one looking out for their dear sweet manager, all the while he conspires with the boys behind our back 😊

y’all should know better than to trust any man in my fics. meian would 100% stay back to ‘clean you up’ and take care of you. he’ll be the one making sure you don’t neglect your duties, while also making sure you’re not being treated too roughly by his boys. mostly. well, you can take it.

THE MSBY FIC IS SO GOOIID. Would u mind me asking what’s gonna be ur next fic?

bold of you to assume i know the answer to that

I love the idea of Sakusa getting to stake his claim first. Sending the rest of the boys a couple of pics. You snooze you lose! It was the perfect opportunity, how could he not take advantage? I for one would have probably got in his car like a naive idiot!

This is one thing about your fics I love. There is so much side plot and nuances we can explore. I dont know how to describe it, I just love the depth! Plus the smut is hot as hell 💕

sakusa might not film it, but he sure as hell ain’t against sending some pics of the aftermath, just as a less than friendly reminder of who you really belong to. out of all of them, i definitely think he’s the most possessive. 

and i’ve joked with some of my moots before that i am incapable of writing anything, much less smut, without throwing in a fuckton of backstory, even if i don’t actually write it all in. it’s always fun to write about tho, and i get super excited when somebody picks up on a little thing and i get the excuse to ramble on about it a little more! anyway ily, thanks for the ask!

not me laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about Tomas, Inunaki and Meian having their turn with me 🧎🏼‍♀️

i was tired and wanted the fic posted but rest assured anon, it happened

I just wanna say your protectivecop!Daichi makes me feel things I didn't know I had but also physician!Ennoshita getting quite handsy during the hour where he's helping you stretch and I'm just .... whoa like I would love to have Ennoshita look after me and also Daichi 🥰🥰- @itishebihime-samaforyou

hhhh i don’t write nearly enough ennoshita.... or actually... none at all, which is a disgrace! because yes!! he’s just so sweet and calming isn’t he? you trust him. even when his hands touch places you don’t think they’re supposed to, even when they linger, squeezing, he’s just doing his job, right?

Settle Oikawa bringing his perfect little family to his games and showing them off before the crowd and his opponents 🥺

he’d have to trust you to behave before he’d let you do that ;)

On the wiki page it says Osamu, with enough provocation, gets angry and physical, and spews profanity. Led to me thinking Osamu's poor gf trying to break up with him for some reason, she's moving away for school, he's getting too clingy, or letting atsumu's hang around too much and being a bit creepy, or what ever. Just GF saying enough is enough we should move on and Osamu, sweet chill Osamu just going apeshit. It would be terrifying!

angry atsumu is one thing, angry osamu is a whole other ballgame! but yes, he’d lose his shit, you’re not going anywhere and you’re sure as fuck not leaving him.

rhiiiii 🥺 would the soulmate nastyboy miyas ever show you a smidgen of kindness? like the thing thats coming to mind for me is if reader was delirious and sick with a fever or something and she was in a lot of pain and they like 🥺 did one ☝️ nice thing in their horrible little miya lives

(I ask this because I have an infection in my jaw thats making my wholeass head hurt and I’m pretty mmmmm sick rn, so I’m mindlessly daydreaming about evil miyas being Nice™ to my heavily-medicated ass AHFIAHHD)

first of all, i hope you’re doing okay bby! please take care of yourself, gets lots of rest - i’m sending you all the love!!!

secondly, absolutely! don’t get me wrong, no matter how good you are, how much of yourself you give them, they’re never gonna be soft and sweet with you all the time, but they do love you. if you did get sick, osamu’s gonna take time off work to stay at home and cook for you, trading off with atsumu over who looks after you. and i think if you were heavily drugged out of it, they might just let their guard down a little - you’re not fighting back against their ‘affection’ so they don’t have to act so harsh about it. there’s just something about you being all soft and pliant that’s almost domestic. expect a lot of smothering cuddling.

Hi! I just read Final Girl, (absolutely loved it btw 💖) but I was curious, if she was pregnant but in the tent with her boyfriend did he assume it was his or did he know? I was just curious and thinking about the back story! Thank you :)

so there’s actually like a few months that pass between when the reader’s campsite is attacked (and her friends/boyfriend are all hunted down and killed) and the scene where she’s pregnant and running through the woods - so the baby daddy’s one of the trio 👀

Bless your brain and all its glorious lewd genius UwU - @beany-goes-dark

ahh bby, you give me far too much credit but ily!!

Please take of yourself and stay safe ily we can wait 💖✨

on a physical level i understand this, but my monkey brain drives me to write until 4am in the morning i am not the one in control here (but shgjhjkfgjkl thank you you’re so sweet!)

Hey! I was wondering if it's okay if I talked to you about my kin list and showed it to ya? I've never made one and I genuinely have no one to talk to about it or show😅 thank you in advance

w-what is a kin list?? 👀

#ask #anon #BD answers #fic q’s

[sageblogsthings]

Do you have any tips on how to write characters with scoliosis in a respectful/accurate way?

Thank you so much for asking! I smiled like an idiot when I saw this ask. :) Let me preface this by saying that scoliosis can vary a lot from person to person depending on the severity of curvature, location of curvature, treatment methods, etc. So I think that, as with anything really, getting a wide range of viewpoints and voices on the issue will make it easier to write! Honestly just scrolling through the scoliosis tag on tumblr will give you a good sense of what it’s like for some people too. With that being said, I’ll talk a bit about my experience, and how I wish that characters with scoliosis were portrayed. Just know that my answer is far from universal amongst those with scoliosis. Also, medical treatment where I live is pretty shitty so I may have some other undiagnosed stuff that I’m attributing to scoliosis who knows lol. And I’m still learning a lot about it myself! Ok, with that caveat out of the way, here we go!

I’m gonna put a tw here for discussions of scoliosis, chronic pain, anxiety, and depression

Also, for those who don’t wanna read about my experiences with scoliosis, if you scroll down there’s 13 tips on how to write characters with scoliosis (a lot of these tips apply to chronic pain in general tho). :)

To talk about my own experience a bit, I was first diagnosed with scoliosis when I was about 10 or so. When I was first diagnosed they told me it was minor and just to watch my posture. Scoliosis runs in my family but for most of my family members it’s pretty mild so I didn’t worry about it and went on my merry way. In hindsight, not the best way to deal with that but ah well.

Flash-forward to college. I had been having back pain and headaches for awhile, but I just figured it was studying for prolonged periods of time, carrying a heavy backpack frequently, and not watching my posture when I studied. I never connected it to scoliosis because I hadn’t had a check-up since that first diagnosis. Again, not the best idea but life happens.

I just finished my junior year in college, and I have had almost non-stop doctors appointments all year. It started after I had some sharp pain in my lower back, and got x-rays to see what was going on. Several doctors appointments and an ER visit later I find out that my scoliosis has gotten significantly worse, and that I have a fractured L5 as well. One thing I don’t see mentioned a lot with scoliosis is that it significantly weakens your spine (usually lower) because your weight distribution is thrown off. I had a job that involved some pretty heavy lifting, and voila fractured L5. 13/10 would not recommend btw.

My curvature (I can’t get consistent answers from doctors) is somewhere in the 20′s in my lumbar region and in the upper 20′s/lower 30′s in my thoracic region. At least with the neurosurgeons I’ve spoken to, they don’t consider you a candidate for surgery until the upper thirties or forties, unless you have significant neurophysiological symptoms. Treatment options vary widely depending on where you live, what you can afford, and what your doctor will give you a referral for, but most doctors will recommend physical therapy off the bat. To my knowledge, most doctors do not recommend bracing anymore, though I think in children that might be different (not so sure on that). So currently, I am waiting on an appointment with a pain management specialist and will go from there. 

Even though the curvature in my spine is relatively minor, I still experience significant symptoms. Some of these symptoms include sciatica, pinched nerves in my arms, legs, and back, muscle spasms in my upper back and neck, swelling of my hands and feet, and numbness or pain in my hands and wrists. Also, because my spine curves more in the upper portion of my back, my left lung cannot expand as much as my right lung. This isn’t always a problem, but I get shortness of breath pretty easily, and any respiratory infections make it super hard to breathe properly (pneumonia sucks a butt). There’s also the obvious bit of scoliosis where I stand a little crooked. Another thing I think that not a lot of people know is that how “lopsided” you are can vary from day to day. This doesn’t mean that the curvature is changing day-to-day, but the muscles may be more relaxed or tightened on some days.

So that’s my experience pretty much (bless you if you read all that!). But, to show an example on the opposite end of the spectrum, my friend had (I think) a 30 degree curvature in the thoracic region and 50 degree curvature in the lumbar. He had immediate corrective surgery (I’m not sure exactly what kind) and now aside from the scar on his back and that he looks like a table when he bends over (his words lol i’m not being mean) you would never know. And even weirder, he had no significant symptoms before his surgery aside from occasional sciatica. So your symptoms don’t necessarily depend on the degree of curvature, where the curve is located has a lot to do with it. Typically, more curvature in the upper spine is more painful but that’s by no means always the case.

Ok, so how in the heck does this all apply to writing characters? I promise it does, I’m not just rambling (well, maybe haha).

13 Things to Consider When Writing Characters With Scoliosis:

Their symptoms may vary from day to day. This may mean that some days they can do activities like running or baseball, and other days they can barely type or walk without pain.

They may have no, mild, or severe symptoms, depending on the location and severity of curvature, and other factors.

What is medical care like where they live? Dealing with doctors, neurosurgeons, physical therapists, etc. is just a part of having scoliosis, and very often an incredibly draining aspect. This is especially true if you have anxiety or other factors that make going to the doctor even more unpleasant.

Were they misinformed about scoliosis? Unless you go to someone who specializes in scoliosis treatment, you’re probably gonna get inaccurate information about something. For example, I was told constantly as a kid to watch my posture. Yes, this can have an impact, but more and more research is showing that scoliosis in many cases is influenced more by hormones (especially in teenage years) than posture. There’s also more egregious examples of this, such as a neurosurgery PA who recently told me not to ever use CBD to alleviate pain because it’s a “gateway drug.” This is literally impossible. So for writing, this could translate into frustration or even anger for your character. But it could also make for some funny situations later! I wrote down everything that crazy PA told me and it still makes me laugh from time to time.

Don’t give them a back-breaking job. It will literally break their back lol. I’m not saying they can’t be active, but if someone is impacted by scoliosis on a daily basis they probably aren’t working as a professional wrestler. Or maybe they are, and your story is trying to explain how that works lol

What do they do to manage the pain (if they have it)? For me, the symptoms are typically inflammatory in nature so things like ice, heat, turmeric tea, and anti-inflammatory medications help relieve the symptoms. This is one of those things where getting other viewpoints is good though too!

Is their spine visibly crooked? If so, are they self-conscious about it? This varies a loooot, and may even vary with symptoms. For example, maybe some days when the pain isn’t bad they wear a cute dress that shows their shoulder-blades. But then when the pain is bad, they just want to look like a hobo. I say this from experience lol.

Have people treated them differently because of it (positively or negatively)? Some people may experience bullying if their scoliosis is more visible, especially as a child. They may also be treated differently by adults, who are trying to look out for them, but nevertheless it still makes them stand out from other kids.

Do they make jokes about it? For example, I can be found frequently saying “my spine said yeet!” or “straight spine? idk her” or my personal favorite “my spine is about as straight as I am.” Scoliosis sucks, but living with it you learn to find humor in it too.

Are they going to get surgery for it? I can’t speak on this part since I haven’t had surgery, but I would imagine that there is a psychological aspect to this that you would want to mention for your character, as well as any logistical aspects like finances, dealing with trash insurance companies, etc.

How does scoliosis impact their mental health? This is one of my pet peeves, and it’s entirely founded in a lack of resources and education, so I’m not aiming this at anyone specifically. But scoliosis does impact your mental health, especially if you have pre-existing conditions like anxiety or depression already. It can be incredibly depressing to want to do something as simple as going for a walk, but you’re in too much pain. It can also really impact anxiety. For example, when I found out about my curvature change in college I had one of the biggest anxiety attacks I’ve ever had. There is also the added issue of not being able to breathe properly at times, which can make a panic/anxiety attack much worse (in intensity or duration). Of course, mental health issues can also be exacerbated by the environment you’re in, so that is definitely something to consider for your character.

What was their diagnosis like? What factors impacted their ability to get a diagnosis? Lack of adequate medical care or having crappy insurance is a huge problem, and it makes it really hard or even impossible for some people to get a diagnosis. And for most neurosurgeons or specialized treatment facilities you have to have that diagnosis and referral for them to be able to do anything. There may also be aspects of your character’s home life that prevents them from getting a diagnosis. Do their parents think they’re faking it, or that they just need to sit up straight? Is your character trans, and/or wears baggy clothing? I’ve heard several stories of undiagnosed cases because of this, so it’s something to consider.

Ok, I think this is the last thing (huge huge thank you to anyone still reading this!!). But please, if you’re writing a character with scoliosis, or any chronic issue/disability for that matter, avoid the trope of you’re still beautiful to me/you’re beautiful anyways/I don’t see your disability. Some people might not get what I’m saying here, so let me explain a little. If you have a character with significant scoliosis, to the point it impacts their daily life, and they meet another character (potential friend, love interest, whatever) and this new person grows to love them in spite of their scoliosis/disability, that is a huge red flag. It implies that they are seeing them through a lens of not having the disability, and they love that version of your character. But that is not your character in reality, because your character in reality has a very real disability. In general, just try to avoid the “I don’t see __,” in writing and real life. That could be applied to a disability, or the character’s race, sexuality, etc. In all cases, it dismisses a fundamental part of who that character is, and what experiences have shaped them into who they are. If your character has scoliosis and it has shaped who they are, it is important for other characters to recognize that as well, otherwise they aren’t really seeing that character in their “full glory,” if that makes sense. I’m rambling a bit at this point and I’m sure there’s other posts that make this point better than I have, but the takeaway is just please don’t write scoliosis as “you’re beautiful anyways.” Scoliosis or no scoliosis, it’s just “you’re beautiful.” Full stop. But part of how your character may come to recognize that beauty within themselves, or how others see it within them, may be influenced by their experiences with scoliosis.

Phew, I did not expect that to get so long but it’s a topic I’m passionate about and I haven’t seen information on scoliosis geared towards writers before, so hopefully this will help! Again, a lot of this is based on my own experiences so please do not take any of this as a universal guide to scoliosis, it definitely isn’t. And if I’ve said anything that people disagree with (or even agree with!) or have questions about, I am always open to polite discourse and discussion. :)

I hope that this answered your question some, and if not feel free to let me know! Thank you so much for asking this!

#ask #scoliosis #writing characters with scoliosis #kit chats #am i oversharing? probably #am i gonna share this anyways? yes #chronic pain #writeblr #representation #kit answers

[blukwolf]

AFO!Izuku

Alright so I was watching a... comic? (Yes, watching, as in watching it in yt) idk about Izuku having AFO and accidentally stealing Bakugou's quirk which led to the Midoriya's leaving Japan and going overseas with Hisashi, who happened to be All For One, so this idea came to me as a different take on Vigilante borderline Villain Deku.

(sorry for every mistake you may see here, english is not my native language)

AU in which AFO is Izuku's dad and Izuku inherited AFO, thus leading to him taking quirks from his peers when he was a child because he didn't know how to 'turn it off', which then led to him not having a lot of friends because the rest of the kids were afraid he might try to steal their quirks indefinitely. He went overseas with his family to try and 'forget' about what happened and maybe get a better hand at controlling Liability, his quirk.

Once he's back in Japan, after AFO v AM fight (the first one) news broke out about The Greatest Villain™ having a heir somewhere around the world (which the people would be confused about, but not the villains, THEY KNOW about the Lord of the Underground, they've heard the rumours, so) so word spreads about Izuku without no one knowing is about him exactly, but Bakugou Remembers, he never forgot about 'the Deku who steals quirks' which would be really difficult to evade, given the fact that Katsuki is the powerhouse he is in canon and pretty much everyone hates him, fears him or fawns over.

With this in mind, Izuku knows there's no way for him to become a Hero, not if he wants to be recognized as All For One's son, so his best route to achieve his dream is by doing it out of the law, being a Vigilante.

By this point either way his view of the Hero Society is more wide open, HE KNOWS the difficults of having a quirk that doesn't fit society's standards, HE KNOWS how hard it is to be viewed as the "bad one" for something you didn't have control over, HE KNOWS people would judge you based on literal bullshit if they can, so he doesn't risk it, he can't risk it for his mom, for the safety and the love Inko needs after "losing" his husband.

(they both are very aware of who Hisashi was and Inko is heartbroken, so Izuku doesn't want to make it harder for her by going out on full display on UA by wanting something that doesn't belongs to him)

This leads to him wanting desperately a change, to go out an Do Something for those like him, for those who are ignored by the ones who only wish more recognition, for those who, like him, were casted aside as "liabilities" for the Society.

He wants to be an All Might of sorts, but a little more... Discreet. Without the big announcement, the smile, the 'bunny ears'. He takes more after Eraserhead.

So, he becomes 'Reprise', a vigilante (criminal for those Good Ones™) who goes 'berserk' at night, beating up all types of Real Criminals, going from drug dealers to genuine Villains, freeing neighborhood after neighborhood and doing what some pros are supposed to do.

He takes the quirks of those who he despises, those who he thinks are the worst of the worst. With them, he doesn't hold back, he ambushes them, takes them off guard and takes their quirks as soon as he can.

It's a little bit like Stain, without the murder and the intensity, but he does share a bit of his ideals, mostly when it cames down to the 'True Heroes' and all that jazz.

News start to spread about the new 'villain' going around beating others just for fun, which leads to other villains wanting to prove themselves by conquering the 'Mad V', thus leading to those same villains ending up without a quirk and a wake up call.

(He's not directly involved with UA and the stuff happening to Class 1A, just briefly jumping in to stop Stain and saving Iida's life (IIDA'S LIFE, unfortunately that doesn't change the fact that Iida's entire life/career changed after that, the Hero Killer achieving his goal of damaging him forever))

With word on the street about a new vigilante doing 'God's Work' and defeating Villain after villain, the rumours make their way into UA halls and the police force, alerting Tsukauchi and Nedzu, which eventually leads to Bakugou knowing about it and having his suspicions.

(Neither Bakugou nor Izuku have encountered each other since the day Izuku left for America, so that)

Now about his appearance, he doesn't have the typical Gucci Eyebags for having insomnia, no. He does have the Gucci Eyebags for going around beating villains so late at night.

He IS a bit different regarding his looks, he DOES has his messy hair, but with an undercut (bc only God knows how much I love Undercut!Izuku), and tends to wear normal clothes. In short, he's not far from Canon Izuku but he's definitely different.

He's not the sad depressed snarky Izuku we love to see in fanfics, no. He's more compossed, polite, kind, but he is a loner, tends to stay in the corner of the room to try and get a hang of his surroundings. He's that kind of anime guy who is serious, has a few friends/classmates that he's friendly with, and mostly evades spotlight. He's not depressed, he's angry at the world for being unfair and angry at himself for allowing the world to hurt him.

That changes when he is Reprise. He becomes this violent vigilante who wants to make a change, who goes out at night to pick fights and steal quirks and do what the Pros don't. He's snarky, sarcastic, rude, he talks back and throws insults around the street as if nothing. He's not afraid of getting injured, he welcomes the pain as a reminder, a reminder that he's doing something and that Something is making other people feel safe and protected.

The Night is Still Young tends to be his catchphrase.

He actually goes with a therapist.

He continues writing his notebooks about quirks and pros, and even villains. He has a whole pack of them with all the quirks he has taken, how they function and how to improve them.

He goes to a well-known high school for Geniuses and Prodigies with interests in sports, maths, sciencies and the like, even those who want to make a living in the support drpartment goes there.

He thinks his fort is his Mind.

((I don't think I have to point it out, but his meeting with All Might & the Sludge Villain doesn't happen in this au.))

(Shigaraki is well aware of his existence, he doesn't know it's Izuku until Reprise tries to ambush him. Shigaraki's thrilled with the rumours about a heir of AFO running around ruining business, so he would obviously want to meet him at some point and maybe try and recruit him, convince him to join his Father's side.)

His first real, face-to-face encounter with Katsuki and the rest of Class 1A (some of them at least) happens during Kamino.

Todoroki, Yaoyorozu, Kirishima, Uraraka and Tsuyu are the ones who rescue him SOMEHOW, i'm not going into details because I can't think of them right now, but THEY saved Bakugou.

It's when the news about a creature created by the LOV broke out that he found out about his dad's survival. So he tries to gain information by breaking in the police's archives (thanks to a friend of his who happened to be a hacker) which led to him finding out about the upcoming raid at the LOV base, but he's Izuku, he KNOWS his dad, he KNOWS the type of man Hisashi is.

So, while the League of Villains location is there, he doesn't goes there. He makes an investigation of his own, finding clues, proof, following people. Using common sense, he finds the Warehouse where his dad is supposed to be.

Only, he doesn't makes it that far. He's scouting the area of Kamino, walking around aimlessly, praying that the raid goes well so the Pros can leave it there and continue pursuing fame so he can go to that same Warehouse and confront his dad and maybe throw a few punches and cry a few tears when all Hell breaks loose.

There's a thunderous tremor around him and the screens lights up and there's All Might, in all his glory (he's not a hardcore fan anymore btw) standing in front of a terrifying villain, and suddenly Izuku is very, very scared.

And so, he watches. His heart is in his throat, ready to be thrown up as his Dad fights against the man he used to look up to. He watches as All Might buries All For One into the ground like an unused toy, and he's a mess, he's crying alongside the other people, but he cries for his dad, for the man that he loved so much, and there's this feeling of bitterness in the pit of his stomach that he wants to ignore so desperately.

So he turns around and starts walking again. He remembers his dad, working with him and helping him to control his quirk, giving him the best hugs of the world, cheering him up when he was feeling like a waste of space. He remembers the loving husband and father that Hisashi used to be and he's feeling really miserable when he stops abruptly and looks up to find Bakugou just a couple of meters ahead of him.

The rest of the rescue squad is there, too. They're looking from Bakugou to Izuku really puzzled because the firecracker they know is eerily silent and this boy is just there, face blank with just a little bit of puffiness in his eyes.

So Bakugou, a witness to all the madness from that night in Kamino, with pent up frustration and anger, goes completely blank with emotions and calls him Deku, demands for answers to questions such as 'the hell are u doin here?' 'are you with them?' 'are you playing hero again, uh, fucking Deku?'

And Deku's just there, overwhelmed by grief, because he lost his dad in what he suspects is national television, and he knows his mom is probably at home, probably saw everything. He knows Inko is just as heartbroken as he is, and that hurts like hell because it's his Mom, his everything, the one person that holds importance in his heart that he has left.

And seeing Bakugou at that exact moment, it's too much, he's emotionally incapable to deal with him of all people at that very moment. So he just. Can't.

He looks at Bakugou, he looks at him, and says "you haven't changed anything, Kacchan" and Izuku completely ignores him, keeps walking as if nothing happened, as if it isn't a blonde pomeranian screaming after him to 'stop looking down at him, you fucking freak'.

(when he makes it home he tells his mom he was in Kamino when everything happened, and Inko starts crying real hard, and Izuku too, and everything is a mess)

After his Dad's defeat, he starts attacking Pros, mercilessly and ruthlessly, but only those who deserves it, those who he thinks have failed at doing their jobs of protecting people.

Tsukauchi is desperate to capture him, wanting to bring an end to the 'Heir of the Underground' as people, mainly villains, are calling him after AFO is brought down and the similarities between AFO and Reprise are pointed out. He knows that if he leaves him on the loose for too long, there's no turning back, Tsukauchi knows what's on the line for him and is afraid FOR Izuku, knows he can become a target later on, or he can take over his Dad's Empire and be worst.

He doesn't know is Izuku, and even if Bakugou is having a crisis over Reprise and everything going on around him (because of course is Deku, it's always been Deku) he can't go and tell them, he doesn't has proof, only memories from when he was a kid and a very obvious dislike of Midoriya Izuku.

So Bakugou buries Izuku and Reprise to the back of his mind and concentrates in his own shit, the internships and the provisional license and that jazz.

(I always saw a lot of hc about how everything changed for class 1A without Deku there. So I'm taking this too and a few others things. Can't remember where I saw them tbh but all credits to their rightful owners)

Not all of them, Class 1A that is, got their license, just a few lucky ones, but a great deal of them failed. They aren't that motivated nor are That strong. USJ changed them, showed them a truth they weren't expecting this early, and losing Iida just reminded them that.

Overhaul Arc it's the same, except that, in the middle of the battle against him, when Mirio was fighting Chisaki and protecting Eri, Reprise showed up and took Overhaul's quirk right after he shoot Mirio.

(Mirio, who had Permeability. Mirio, who had One For All. He loses both of his quirks.)

At this point, and with overhaul newly added to his collection with a few others, Izuku is mostly invincible. The chaotic vigilante he used to be becomes fierce, a force to be reckoned with, so when Tsukauchi hears about Reprise getting overhaul, he warns ALL of the Pros to be careful at encountering him.

The Hero Comission WARNS EVERY AGENCY that, in case of coming face to face with Reprise, they have to flee inmediately or suffer the consequences, which are losing their quirks and having to step down from being pros.

It becomes a really bad situation, with fear striking every Pro present, much more so after losing the Symbol of Peace, which leads to a vulnerability in those afraid of losing everything and leaving unprotected a few places, or outright giving up the title of Pro.

Everything comes down to the fateful meeting of Shigaraki and Izuku.

Shigaraki knows there's malice in Reprise, he knows he felt that pain too when All For One was captured, that's why he's going against Pros now, and he plans to use every ounce of that pain to bring him by his side.

Liability (Reprise) of Lorde was a huge inspiration tbh

#bnha #bnha deku #bnha au #mha vigilantes #bnha vigilantes #vigilante deku #villain deku #all for one #deku has a quirk #deku has all for one quirk #midoriya izuku #all might #reprise au #bnha headcanons #a what if deku had all for one quirk au #bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #bnha uraraka

[mwolf0epsilon]

Crazy idea that I figured right now. Thomas dosn't hear like someone that would get married, even with a person of his kind (g r u m p t y) so, Allison is a witch (cannon btw).. love potion? Sorry is pretty funny for me.

Summary: One of Allison's more peculiar interests turns out better than she expected, if only because of a slight mistake.

---

[[MORE]]

If questioned on the subject, Allison wouldn't exactly call herself a witch. She had an interest in witchcraft, sure, but she herself was not an expert nor a professional on the arts of ancient beldams and shamans.

She was, however, the owner of a vast and ever growing collection of tomes that were the aglommoration of such olden knowledge.

Of these powerful tomes came the biggest of her fixations: Potion brewing, more specifically the refinement of elixirs.

It was amazing what a few select ingredients could produce if you were to extract or prepare them in a certain way. From all natural remedies to combat the effects of illness, to powerful poisons and even blends that could condition the mind to do certain things.

It was an art that could be used to do as much good as it could do evil, and Allison knew a few select witches of the past had indeed done evil when others scorned them so. To the detriment of those that had been pure in their intentions, as were many of the victims of the Salem Witch Trials.

But Allison wasn't looking to do much with her knowledge besides sate her curiosity and test a few interesting blends. Most went into helping those around her anonymously...

A few drops in a cup of coffee and suddenly Jack's bad cough was gone. A whiff of her perfume, and Sammy was a lot calmer than he'd been a minute or so ago. Even a few delicious homemade cupcakes got everyone into a creative rut that kept Joey off their backs.

She was benevolent in her actions... But... There was one particular blend she wanted to try for more selfish reasons. A love potion of a sort, composed of natural aphrodisiacs and calming herbs.

One she hoped to try on the object of her affections, a man that had such an impeccable work ethic that she doubted he even knew she even existed (which was odd as most men often buzzed around her like bees to a flower, because of her attractive features). It frustrated her to no end that Thomas Connor was a difficult person to understand, or to get close to.

Her previous experiences with past boyfriends had always been quite linear, so the mysterious engineer being so hard to read was baffling. No man nor any woman should be a puzzle so hard to figure out, and her lack of progress on this matter only made her feel more attracted towards him.

So here she was, trying to find Mr. Connor's coffee mug, ready to slip him an all natural drug that would definitely turn his gaze towards her... You know, like some degenerate wench...

"Oh you've sunk low Al... You've sunk very low." She murmured to herself as she looked through the shared cupboard. There was a myriad of different mugs that were unique so as to distinguish them from someone else's property. A lot of people in the studio were against sharing their cups after all, thus this fun little measure that definitely wasn't making it hard for her right now.

She knew the mug with brightly colored polkadots was Norman's, as it was a silly play on his last name (one Mel had started as a means to poke fun at him). She also knew the white one with intricate depictions of songbirds and forget-me-nots was Sammy's (a gift to him from his sister apparently), and that the bright green one with stocky writing on it was Shawn's (Mr. Flynn was, after all, fond of yelling 'Top o' the Morning to ya' to everyone at the earliest hours of the morning).

But, for the life of her, she couldn't find a mug that she thought might fit Thomas's personality at all... They were all varying degrees of either pretty or silly and none really screamed his name. Not until she squinted and found one that was bland enough to be a no-nonsense GENT employee's pick.

A simple black mug with absolutely nothing extraordinary about it, sitting besides a white mug with paw prints on it (likely Wally's as he had a fondness for dogs).

Taking that bland old mug, she proceeded with her plan.

-

By 9 AM sharp, Allison was a bundle of nerves. She'd prepared Thomas's coffee separately before making everyone else their own mugs to avoid suspicion. Then she'd set out a plate of cupcakes (some vanilla, some chocolate) to make it seem like an innocent little gesture rather than the shameful and depraved act that it actually was, and greeted everyone on her way out of the break room.

Morale was great that morning, but so was her increasing guilt... She shouldn't be meddling with what others felt, especially not trying to bewitch her crush into liking her for a brief moment. Yet here she was, hoping to bump into a drugged up Thomas Connor and get him to praise her in some form.

Her need for validation was... Rotten. She hated it, she hated that she'd gone to these lengths just to feel like someone genuinely cared for her rather than her good looks.

So when she did find her crush at last, she didn't feel so good about the plan anymore.

"Allison could I maybe speak to you for a second?" The gruff voice of Thomas Connor wasn't particularly loud, at least not louder than many of the other employees in the music department, so she jumped slightly when he approached her quietly during her break from recording.

"I... Yes certainly." Her stomach felt like it was doing flips as she followed the taller man, considering her options here. She could lightly reject any advances he tried to make in his state of unknowing inebriation, admit she may have slipped something in his coffee, or even straight up lie and say there was weed in the cupcakes... But, instead of doing anything, she resigned herself to the fact the next words out of his mouth weren't going to be genuine.

"I wanted to thank you." Thomas began as they'd gotten out into a quieter hall with little to no movement. "For always trying to brighten things up a little here at the studio. Drew's been a right pain in the ass, and it really sets off a chain... But here you are, getting up bright and early to bake cupcakes and brew everyone a cup of coffee, being the most genuine and selfless person at this damn madhouse..."

The guilt was excruciating, and Allison felt herself blush slightly as her eyes began to sting. He likely thought it was humility on her part.

"Hey, no need for that. Just stating the facts Miss Pendle..." He smiled, really smiled, and it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. Thomas Connor had this shy little smile that started at the corner of his mouth and just barely exposed his front teeth a bit. "I was wondering... If maybe I could pay you back. With uh... With lunch?"

"I..."

"I understand if you're busy, it's just... I'd just like to be able to repay your kindness in kind. Lunch for an impromptu breakfast seems fair... And it's well within our schedules I hope..." He added. She couldn't bring herself to decline even if she knew she should.

"It... It sounds good to me. Uh... Wednesday?" She shyly suggested.

"Wednesday." He nodded in agreement. "Best we both go back to work now, before Lawrence has a fit..."

"Yeah... Thank you Thomas." She smiled sadly, watching him as he nodded her way. Her smile vanished once she noticed him bring a mug up to his lips. A white mug with paw prints on it.

Once he took a sip from his coffee he went on his way, leaving Allison in a confused state. On one hand, her crush had genuinely just asked her out and that was amazing! On the other... Who's coffee mug was it that she had drugged then?

-

Henry groaned as he hung up his phone for the 20th time that day. Whoever the hell was calling his landline only to breathe heavily into the speaker as he questioned them, was really starting to aggravate him.

Damn kids and their stupid pranking antics... He had half a mind to call the cops!

#eps writes: #bendy and the ink machine #batim #allison pendle #thomas connor

[ick25]

Rockman.EXE Axess Episode 1 Review.

Presenting Rockman’s new Style... Change.

I can’t promise that I am gonna review the rest of the episodes of Axess nor will I make it very long since I have already stated that this is my least favorite season, but this Corona Virus situation is already driving me crazy so I might as well vent my frustrations here.

Fun fact:

This season never aired in Latin America so I had no idea that there were more seasons beyond the virus buster episode. I watched it in English thinking that it was an episode from the first two seasons that I missed, it started with the same made up intro from the last season, but to my surprise the episode opens in Net City, something I don’t remember ever seeing in previous episodes, and then I saw Megaman’s art style and my confusion became excitement right before I heard the English dub the made me cringed so hard that it almost ruined the show for me, until the writing did that later on. (But I like Rockman’s english voice, it’s kinda hot n.n)

Episode tittle: Cross Fusion!

The episode opens with Rockman fighting two Navis at once in the Net Coliseum, and I’m already loving the art style and how they don’t show his face during the battle until Netto’s voice tells him that he already got their battle pattern. It was like they were saying, “ It’s him! it’s the Rockman you know and love after so long! And he looks slightly shinier too”!

 BTW, I’m watching this with Spanish subs, that were sadly not made by yours truly.

Anyway, Netto sends the long Sword and the Yo-yo chips that appear with a new cybernetic themed background and... WOAH WOAH WOAH! TWO DIFFERENT ART STYLES IN THE SAME EPISODE?!

You thought I wouldn’t notice?

Not even five minutes in and this episode is already hitting me with inconsistent art to save in animation, which wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t noticeable.

Rockman defeats the two Navis and returns to Netto who gives us but a glimpse of the new PET design before the tittle card appears.

But worry not, for the next scene shows us what the Advanced PET model looks like with this short and kinda lame commercial.

“Believe in the heart of the chips”, it’s the vibe I’m getting here.

And I also never thought it would be possible for the Spanish subs to write something dumber than “Plug-in your heart”. (It’s roughly saying, “Do plug-in into your heart”)

We then join Netto skating with Meiru on her scooter who is basically shaming him for acting weak in his battle until the end, and do you see something wrong with this image?

That’s right, good ol’ Rush is there on Meiru’s scooter for no reason, except to remind me that Rockman will never materialize in the real world like him.

Then they bump into Chisao, yes, Chisao, who wastes no time in telling the audience that Dekao is in Jawaii for some reason.

What little Mr. exposition forgot to tell us is why is he there instead of Dekao.

Netto and Meiru invite Chisao to go with them to Scilab, which is now gonna be a very recurrent place, to deliver a bag to Netto’s dad who is in Japan working on something, and once he’s done he’ll go back to abandoning his family to travel the world. 

He is working on a top secret experiment, so everyone is of course invited to watch it.

These are Officer Mizaki and his Navi Prismman, who are not gonna be important until very later in the season where they’re affected by this show’s equivalent of drugs, but right now they are gonna remind us of the dangers of human trials.

Eguchi Meijin makes a comeback, since the last time we saw him he was making a late advertisement for Battle Network 3 in episode 51. He tells Netto and the others that the experiment is called Cross Fusion and that it is the next step after the Virus Buster episode where Dr. Hikari brought a bunch of cyber data into the real world, which is bringing a Net Navi into the real World through its operator’s body? That was already possible without the human body!

What is the purpose of Cross Fusion then? Other than to turn the series into a superhero kind of show for western audiences.

There is no real explanation of why they want to do this or why Cross Fusion is the only way to achieve this purpose. Why not simply materialized the Navis like in the last episode? You can’t really argue that it was the viruses intervention that made this possible, because a “good” scientist would try to reproduce this result without risking the life of a human being, there certainly must be other ways to do so. 

It seems that the only excuse they have is that Netto’s dad was not aware that this event happened because he was asleep during the entire episode, and if Netto never mentioned it even once.

“I wanna risk my life too since that experiment reminded me how cool it was when Rockman materialized back in Jawaii when your Dimensional Core program was corrupted by viruses, so I would most definitely die just to see that happen again.”

Dr. Hikari: O_O

Yuichiro obviously denies his son’s suicidal request but just then, viruses take over Scilab, and the room they are in is locked down with the ventilation system sucking in the air giving them 15 minutes before they run out of oxygen.

We cut to a commercial break where we see a spoiler of Netto getting his wish right after his dad said no.

It’s just Rockman with a different outfit design and brown hair and eyes.

As per the norm, Netto and Meiru plug-in their Navis with new animations that are gonna be recycled since they changed the art style once again.

Rockman and Roll are sent into the computer via infrared beams and we see that the computer is full of Mettools and Spikey viruses, while showing us Roll’s bum for some reason.

I feel robbed, I want my Rockman butt shot!

Time to change the art again.

Here is something new that I like, they are now showing how the Mettool viruses can block shots.

This probably means that these are high level Mettools since those are the ones that block attacks in the games.

I also like how they get creative with the chips they use like the Aqua Sword.

Even Roll’s Aqua Tower looks more powerful.

You almost feel sorry for those viruses.

They even make the Black Hole, a chip I find pretty useless in the games, look epic.

Or maybe I’m just not using it right.

They keep running out of air, and once again Meiru has to show that she is the weakest of them all by fainting right before Roll is attacked by a Fire Dragon virus. Netto’s dad catches Meiru and manages to plug-out Roll just in time so... Oh, hmm, that doesn’t look right.

It would be fine if she was his daughter, but that isn’t the case so it just looks wrong. Adult men shouldn’t be holding little girls like that! O~O

Rockman then avenges Roll with another cool Aqua Sword animation.

https://66.media.tumblr.com/0ee15af9e77ae94c845bcdf6895629db/tumblr_n3ipukz8hC1rzkxhio8_250.gifv

Sometimes screen shots can’t do a scene justice.

More Spikey viruses appear and the culprit is then revealed, a new Navi named Savageman AKA Beastman.

Stop holding her like that, it’s weird!

Rockman attacks him with his cool Aqua Sword move, but he only deletes the Spikey viruses around him. Then he uses his Rock Buster and starts shooting at Beastman who isn’t affected by any of them.

I’m sorry? What Beastman is saying here is that to him, Rockman is just a puppet being controlled by a human, showing us that the anime is once again differing from the games, but I’ll talk about that later.

Netto hears that they only have 3 minutes left of air and decides to destroy what we learned from the first season by suddenly making him an expert on Program Advances without the help of the Aqua Custom Style, this time it’s the Z- Cannon or Zetta Cannon.

I honestly like the new animation for the Program Advance, every time Netto inserts more than one chip they appear as little blocks piling under each other until the third chip comes in and pushes the first block up. This easily shows how the chip programs are compatible with one another since that is how a Program Advance is activated.

The Program Advance seems to be effective as Beastman logs out, the computer is back to normal, the room opens up again, and the day is saved... Or so we thought!

This is were the episode starts to feel a little rushed. Right after this we get another mysterious figure who clearly isn’t the Navi we saw watching Beastman’s performance just a couple of minutes ago.

First episode and we already have two more bad guys introduced? And to make things worse, this second villain shoots some type of missiles from outer space that surround Scilab and traps it inside a Dimensional Area.

Yeap, that’s right, the Dimensional Area Netto’s dad is still working on has somehow ended up in the wrong hands, and they made it even better! Because get this, not only does it allow viruses to materialize in the real world, but Navis as well! Cross Fusion has already become pointless! However, the show doesn’t see it that way.

The Mettool and Spikey viruses, along with Spark Bees this time, begin destroying Scilab. Since they are all inside a Dimensional Area, Netto remembers what Meijin said before and decides to go try his luck with Cross Fusion to save everybody, and runs downstairs to get a Synchro Chip.

Considering that Cross Fusion is still being tested, would this be considered something brave or very stupid?

Netto encounters the Mystery Navi from before who is stealing all the Synchro Chips, and tries to Ash Ketchum his way into stopping him.

Seriously, what is it with young shonen protagonists and trying to attack a powerful non human antagonist face on?

After that failed attempt, Shademan calls Beastman who also materializes to destroy what remains of Scilab while he runs away with the Synchro Chips, except for two chips that he clumsily drops when grabbing them all with one hand. Netto sees the chips and decides to use them to fight Beastman, and what surprises me here is that Rockman doesn’t really object to this despite knowing that it could be dangerous, and he has always been seen as the smart one.

Obviously, Cross Fusion is a success as we get the typical anime transformation sequence, but to be honest, I’ve seen better.

No, the first statement is more accurate. This is a fusion.

And this one too.

Two different characters that merge together to create an entirely new being that shares traits from both predecessors.

No, in fact, It is not Netto turning into Rockman, it’s just Netto in Rockman’s clothing. The only difference here is that Netto fights more aggressively than Rockman.

Except for that time Rockman stabbed Stoneman in the eye, he never really maims anybody.

After this, Netto tries to use a Battle Chip but forgets that you need a PET for that, a PET that disappears somewhere after Cross Fusion. So he decides to use the Rock Buster, but since they’re in the real world, the buster gets a super boost that sends Netto flying, with the shot leaving a hole not only on the building, but on Beastman himself.

So... I love seeing shots of Rockman’s muscular body, but when you give it to Netto it just doesn’t work for me because you know his body doesn’t look like that, making this feel out of nowhere. 

Also, “Flipante”? I’m pretty sure these subs are from Spain because they use a lot of words that I’ve never heard before.

Since Beastman was maimed and mortally wounded, he runs away, the Dimensional area disappears an the episode ends with Netto back to normal with his PET reappearing again, him fainting, Rockman calling out to him worried that he might be dead, and an aerial shot of a partially destroyed Scilab.

What do I think?

Well, if you read my previous post, “The problem with Megaman NT Warrior Axess”, you already know my main issues with this season, starting with how different it was from the first one.

Like I mentioned before, Axess never aired in Latin America so it took a while for me to realized that there was another season. I got used to watching reruns of the first season over and over again because of how much I loved it, and after I watch this episode for the first time, in English, I was very, very confused at the end. I immediately felt that something was wrong, that the show was gonna be  different and I wasn’t sure if it was gonna be a bad thing or a good thing. It turned out to be both because the writers couldn't settle on a tone for this new season, so I was ambivalent from beginning to end.

I’m just gonna mention the good things. The general animation is way better that the majority of the episodes in the first season, the new visuals give it a more cybernetic feel to it which goes perfectly with the theme of the show. Roll and Meiru do more in battle, even though Meiru is still the weak girl character that needs to be saved by a big strong man, ew. The new PET design and the infrared beams they use to send the Navis into the Cyberworld is much more futuristic than the cords from the previous season that are vulnerable to being cut, which, again, is very fitting to the theme, as well as the animations when inserting chips and activating P.As.

The idea of Viruses and Navis materializing in the real world is revolutionary, I just don’t like how it is set up.

The Advance PET was introduced in Battle Network 4, while Beastman appeared in Battle Network 3 as a World Three Navi and having an operator named Inukai. Here, however, Beastman is a solo Navi that is called a Darkloid, and instead of being man-made, Darkloids are portrayed as A.I beings that were spontaneously created from...Bug frags, I think? Yeah, that’s another thing I don’t buy from Axess. 

The mystery Navi is Shademan who was introduced in Battle Network 4 and is in fact a solo Navi, but he was created by Dr. Regal, the other mystery character that appeared, but Shademan is also a Darkloid here.

Say what you want about Forte and Gospel, but their origins are purely man-made and make sense, and even if viruses and bug frags are also man-made, having something instantly created out of Virus remains doesn’t make sense unless a higher power is involved, which hasn’t really been specified in Axess.

If you are one of the few people who read my posts, I appreciate your support and are free to share your opinions too.

#MegaMan NT Warrior #rockman.exe axess #megaman battle network #anime #dub vs sub #spanish sub #my review #ick25

[paperclipninja]

Lucifer post-ep ramble 5x01

Hi there, long time fangirl, first time Lucifan. After devouring all 4.5 seasons of this magnificent show in an impressive/alarming (all a matter of perspective) amount of time, I have very quickly found myself well and truly obsessed dedicated to all things Lucifer. And when a show grabs me like this one has, I tend to have a lot of thoughts and feelings that I can’t help but share, and so the post-ep ramble was born. It will probably contain many words, it may or may not be particularly coherent, there will definitely be over-analysing, but I thought I might indulge in re-capping the season 5 eps as I re-watch, so this is the first ramble off the rank. 

‘Really Sad Devil Guy’ (A+ ep name btw) kicks off as we’re still scrambling to pick up all our heart pieces after the season 4 finale, which is why Mr. Said Out Bitch (aka Lee Garner) being in Hell is such a cracker of an opening. Lucifer just waiting below deck on Fishizzle II (wth happened to Fishizzle I??) to greet him with his trademark ‘hello’ made me disproportionately happy, mostly because he was on my screen but also because his encounters with Mr. SOB are always great and this was no exception. Getting an insight into ‘life in Hell’, the way the characters in the Hell loops are played by Demons and Lucifer in action as the King was fab at this point in the series. And does anyone else have a visceral reaction to Lucifer stopping that bullet? I know it’s brief, I cannot explain it, it might be the command he has, the fact it’s awesome, but it makes me FEEL things. Just me? Cool.

I think what really strikes me in the way Lucifer just has to pop in on Mr. SOB upon hearing of his arrival, is the fact that he is a link to Lucifer’s life on Earth. They’ve existed in the same places there, breathed the same air, it’s a way for Lucifer to make that connection to his home more tangible. And when he realises where Mr. SOB’s hell loop has them moored, at Marina Del Ray, the way Lucifer says 'Los Angeles' with such yearning makes those heart pieces I had started cobbling back together really begin to ache. What this episode pulls off so brilliantly is the way Chloe and Lucifer remain connected despite being apart, and it’s all set up when Lucifer tells Mr. SOB, ‘You know, there's a good chance I know who's on your case. To them it's only been a few months, a blink of an eye, but here it's been much much longer’.

What’s happening ‘below deck’ in Hell (sorry...or am I?) is of course mirrored at the crime scene, where Maze is still calling Ella Ellen (never change Maze ILY) and Ella is banging on about Lucifer not responding to her DM’s and texts and it’s all so on brand and the thought of her sending Lucifer a clip of a parrot dancing to techno and him finding it funny is just too perf. Maze having Chloe’s back from the get-go and telling Ella to ‘read the room’ just shows how far this Demon has come. And of course Chloe saying that she hasn’t even really thought about Lucifer since he left...(spoiler alert: she has).

Seeing Maze and Chloe out drinking and dancing, somehow they're kinda dorky together and I love it, but it’s also really clear that they’re both leaning on each other pretty heavily and being there for one another and honestly, I love literally every combination of characters on Lucifer, you put any two together and the dynamic is 100% their own and these two are up there. It’s so weird seeing Amandiel running Lux, I big L LOVE Amenadiel but it’s just...wrong. Plus hats off to D.B. because his delivery of ‘No one sells drugs in my place...without me getting a piece of the action’, not gonna lie, I was THROWN.

So are we assuming that the number of months Lucifer has been gone = the number of times Chloe has rocked up to work with a hangover? Lol at the sunglasses but also, you do you Chloe, whatever you gotta do babe. Just like Amenadiel running Lux is like watching a slightly off AU version of the show, so is seeing Maze and Chloe as partners at work. Don’t get me wrong, Maze clearly supporting her and when they’re interrogating a lead, seeing Chloe and Maze have such a groove that they’re finishing each other's sentences and communicating without talking, I dig it. But I love that while it’s great, it still doesn’t feel right. Because that there is why this show is so clever, as an audience we crave the return to the way things were just as the characters we are watching do.

Linda being a completely OTT mum is so fab. I could write an entire essay about my Linda love. Her adamance that ‘Charlie’s special’ and Ella’s ‘every child is special in their mum’s eyes, huh?’ sums it up perfectly. Did I mention I adore Ella? I definitely get the distinct impression Ella is doing a bit of self-reflection, her comment about being drawn to the bad boys for some reason clearly foreshadowing, but also her reflecting that she deserves a good guy for once (just not this ep when there is a bad boy/potential suspect to be hooked up with). I am curious to see the ‘darkness’ Ella has alluded to in earlier seasons being explored further and feel like this is sowing the seeds and I’m also waiting for a significant Linda/Ella D&M at some point. But clearly not this point, because 'science lesson Wednesdays...I checked your schedule and that's your day off' Linda is NOT about deep and meaningfuls (or anyone who isn’t a 2 month old baby), you need to DIAL IT DOWN friend.  I love that it takes Trixie pulling some funny faces and Dan offering some sage parenting advice as he returns the self-help books (love the irony there) for Linda to begin to chill a bit.          

So Dan has gone all new age with his oils and self improvement and you know what? I love it. And then of course we have Amenadiel needing to help make the world a safer place, he just needs to make sure for Charlie ya know and ugh my ovaries. I must say, I was relieved to realise that the club life had not in fact corrupted the delightful warrior we all love after all - it’s all a ploy to catch a REAL BIG TIME drug dealer (nooooo I can feel the second hand embarrassment already...)! Amenadiel setting up the ‘drug bust’, telling the dealer, ‘looks like gooood drugs’, oh you dear sweet naïve Angel you. We of course discover that the bust is, well, a bust, because the ‘drug lord’ is actually a kid trying to offload his mum’s pain meds *insert facepalm emoii here*. But rather than ridicule or be angry, Dan is so understanding and supportive of Amenadiel and once again offers up advice and I really am so into this friendship on every level and the care and openness it models.

Meanwhile, the genius parallel between what is happening on Earth and in Hell really takes effect as Chloe and Maze go undercover (I mean, they are a glam couple lbh) to the poker game while Lucifer is at a game hosted by the same suspect in Mr. SOB’s ‘exquisite’ Hell loop. His exclamation that it’s exquisite reflects that Lucifer and Mr. SOB are not that different, that it’s the kind of place Lucifer might manifest as well, but I also feel that Lucifer could be admiring his own Kingdom’s handiwork at creating LA with such accuracy from someone’s subconscious. He allows himself to be absorbed in it, ‘City of Angels, I’ve missed you’, and I can’t help but get the impression that hearing Lucifer call LA this for the first time is confirmation that his Heaven, or place of Angels, is in fact there with Chloe.

Chloe remains firmly in the forefront of Lucifer’s mind this entire episode, with him asking ‘what would she do?’ and wanting to replicate the life he had with her at the precinct. But of course he is soon reminded of his reality, as he tries to get more information from Mr. SOB who is being useless. Lucifer incorrectly calling him ’Detective’ shatters the illusion that he is any closer to Chloe, and this is impressively emphasised as he erases the LA cityscape to reveal the Hellscape. For a moment he’d let himself believe he was back there. Back home. His, ‘you’re not her’ making some of my heart pieces fall out once again.

But then the messenger arrives, ‘Lord Morningstar, there’s someone you should meet’ and lo and behold it’s guy who just got hit by car up on the Earth-side of this investigation and I.am. loving. it. Also, did Lucifer put out a Hell-wide memo that if ANYONE arrives from LA they are to be bought to him so he can send messages to Chloe through their bodies??? NO REALLY I'M FINE. Having a Demon possess the dead dude’s body to pass on the tip from Lucifer was just TOO MUCH. His, ‘hey is that Mazikeen?’ made me actually lol but also, look how far we’ve come! Chloe doesn’t even flinch when the dead guy wakes up possessed to pass on Lucifer’s message. I’m so proud. 

'It's safe where you stored it' caused me way more amusement than was perhaps intended, but Ella, Maze and Chloe together, trying to figure out what it meant, it's such a great moment and the comedic timing is gold. Also, the fact it actually helps the case, ugh, Chloe and Lucifer are still connected and working together even though they are not on the same plane of existence and I’m just going to need to curl up for a minute because feelings.

You know who else is having a lot of feelings in this ep? The Devil himself. After he is satisfied he has passed on the message, he’s done with Mr. SOB, sending him, ‘back to your torture. And me to mine’. Any remnants of my heart are now once again shattered all over the floor in case you’re wondering. Lucifer doesn’t even try to hide the fact that being away from Chloe is so painful, almost revealing more than he ever usually would when Mr. SOB asks if she’s ‘somebody important?' to which he replies, 'more than you could ever know'. 

He only just stops himself before telling Mr. SOB her name, when he realises he's trying to manipulate him. And I'm so glad, Lucifer so sparingly uses Chloe’s name, it's always significant when he does and I feel like he reserves those moments for only between them. But Mr. SOB really does sum it up when he observes, ‘you just seem like a really sad Devil guy’, BECAUSE HE IS A REALLY SAD DEVIL GUY (can we just take a moment to appreciate how not at all scared of Lucifer Mr. SOB is, he doesn’t even refer to him as THE Devil, just ‘Devil guy’. It’s kind of nice that he sees and accepts him as both Devil and human without really questioning it). 

The parallel continues as Chloe and Lucifer are talking to a sister and brother  and the way this highlights the place they're both in. It's just brilliant writing and execution. Chloe is talking to Meg about her brother’s death and both her and Lucifer's yearning for one another is palpable. At the same time, Maze telling Chloe that they don’t need Lucifer and kissing Chloe highlights Maze’s desire for connection and love. She wants it so badly and the way she shuts down when Chloe suggests they stop working together breaks my heart.

When Lucifer takes Mr. SOB to the root of his Hell loop, yes, it’s about Lucifer projecting his own guilt and lack of self worth onto him, but his assertion that, 'it is inevitable sooner or later you're going to disappoint them all over again. So you'd rather stay away for all eternity’, really feels as though it carries multiple meanings. As a self-referential comment, is Lucifer talking about Heaven or Earth? Is it his fear of disappointing and letting down Chloe and the other humans or is it his belief that he disappointed his family? And if Angels self-actualise does that mean he was never 'stuck' in Hell at all and could have returned to Heaven? I certainly feel there is some sort of realisation occurring here. Or could be completely over-analysing it. Why not have both 🤷‍♀️

You know the line that just up and got me though? ‘Whose hell is this anyway? Are you sure this is my hell? You just here torturing yourself’- Mr. SOB calling Lucifer out is A MOMENT. And I can’t help but wonder if a part of it is Lucifer wanting Mr. SOB to come to terms with his own guilt, wanting to help him because he knows he’s not evil and he is trying to reconcile his own guilt too. If he can help Mr. SOB face and let go of the guilt then he has a chance of it too. And that’s when Mr. SOB challenges Lucifer, pointing out that he missed his chance, ‘but what about you?’ 'The self-centred simplicity of you humans never ceases to amaze me...I am here out of responsibility, I had to protect humanity, I had to protect HER', the delivery of this line, the frustration of being misunderstood, of ppl thinking that he acts for himself when his very reason for being back in Hell is for others, I can feel it through the screen.

The dead guy we saw get shot in the kitchen appearing at that moment with news about ‘the Detective’ and then cutting straight back to the shoot up in the house, file under: how to brilliantly edit. “Lucifer” appearing; the whistle, the casually strolling in, the ‘hello bad guys’ = I was FOOLED. I mean you have to admit, the ‘thought I'd give you a hand' pun was well played, classic Lucifer, very convincing.  My shipper heart was SO FULL for the split second Lucifer and the Detective kissed, until Chloe realised that something was off and her open eyes told us something was up. The cut back to Hell and seeing Lucifer still standing there with Mr. SOB...you may have heard my ‘noooooooo’ from wherever you are. ‘She’ll be just fine without me’...said every Devil who has a dick twin brother who’s going to try and destroy, nay STEAL, his life and love of his life ever.

Michael, you're an evil bastard but damn you nailed that villainous smirk over-the-shoulder pose in the final shot. Whatever you have in store, I will no doubt revel in your awfulness and be confused about whether or not I hate you. 

#lucifer #lucifans #lucifer 5x01 #ramble #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #ella lopez #dan espinoza #amenadiel #deckerstar #recap