#*shrug* its who i am

[zer0point5ive]

adam who knows the door is wide open, knows he could leave at any point, knows that lawrence wouldn’t stop him, couldn’t stop him and yet. and yet .. adam who looks at the fresh crimson stain on lawrence’s shirt collar, the red beneath his nails he hasn’t quite managed to scrub away yet and wonders if there’s any universe in which he’d run to the cops, to anyone. adam who knows there isn’t. lawrence wouldn’t stop him but adam wouldn’t run. adam who despises everything jigsaw stands for, tells lawrence as much, tells lawrence that he’s gonna be the first to dance on that bastards grave when he finally kicks it but who still stays with lawrence. despite it all. because he’s lawrence, because he’s adam’s. because they’re so inextricably intertwined that not having lawrence around now would kill him as surely as reaching inside and pulling out his own beating heart. he’s everywhere and he’s everything, living in the spaces between adam’s ribs and wrapped around his brain like a live wire. running would be suicide and besides, adam’s not gonna let him go, can’t. not now. adam who would absolve lawrence of just about anything as long as he’s by his side, as long as he keeps coming back, as long as he switches the light on when he gets home and cups adam’s face oh so gently in bloodstained hands

#lawrence who wishes he would. just a little #lawrence who looks at the smear of blood he leaves on adams cheekbone and asks why #adam who just shrugs and says ‘because’ which is simultaneously not enough & too much #youll never recover from that kind of devotion or whatever man who even cares. sound of me crying #thinking about codependent chainshipping in a way that feels like digging my own grave #i need to walk around for awhile #sorry adam being given a flashing neon sign that says exit here nd choosing to ignore it because lawrence isnt on the other side oh i am #Soo normal #its about being selfish in the most self destructive way possible #how can i make this about dog adam devoted to the point of no return #nevermind i already did apparently #chainshipping #adam faulkner stanheight #lawrence gordon #📹

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me

#“no need for follow up” #“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your #ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it #*doctor shrug emoji* “ #“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol” #he barely even looked at my incision like #this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask #if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had #fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your #fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your #swagless ass!!! #anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my #abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of #gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up #for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how #hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know #how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy #am i crazy??? #this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other #organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it #get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to #get medical treatment. #anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.” #bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you. #like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously. #but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess. #its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

made a little zine abt some of my favorite things in my room :]

#zine #mini zine #my art #i didnt explain the paul thing very well bc i had limited space. essentially tbis dude called me like six three in a row when i was hanging #with my friend #i got annoyed and answered to tell him he had the wrong number. despite this he called back AGAIN. hing uo after being told again he had #the wring number THEN TEXTED ME GOING 'wrong number this is paul' #LILE BRO WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME WHO YOU ARE IF ITS CLEAR YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER 😭 #anyways my friend and i found this guy hilarious and we had a fucking insane conversation with him. we texted him a few times MONTHS later #and then he blocked me bc i wouldnt tell him 'who i was' or 'why i started texting him' which like. HELLO??? I DIDNT START TEXTING YOU #WHY WOULD I TELL YOU WHO I AM WHEN ITS CLEAR WE DONT FUCKING KNOW EACH OTHER 😭 YOURE THE ONE WHO TEXTED ME WTF #anyways i gave him a fake first name which for some reason wasnt good enough for him so he blocked me :// sad. #i dont even knoe if the pic i have is actually of him or if his real name is paul so *shrugs*. either way he now sits on my wall in the #mouth of a hippo picture frame #bc it reminds me of a funny time with a friend :]

[nintendont2502]

I think I've finally reached the point where I'm not creating for validation from others, but solely because I need to get that idea Out. its good I like it here

#not feeling bad about how a scribble turned out because hey at least that ideas finally been realised in some way #if i dont do it who will #sure its bad but if thats the only way it can exist and stop haunting me then. shrug #i just need to make sure i dont backslide #digging my heels in stubbornly sinking my teeth in i AM staying here #me.txt

[basu-shokikita]

the mandatory psa to my mtl followers that if tonight's south park special is even remotely interesting i WILL be posting about it. you have been warned

#it will be tagged ofc #but jsyk #this is who i am #always has always been etc #my tumblr theme for desktop is still kyle themed LOL #i considered changing it but honestly i think its a good sign for anyone that visits my theme to know that i am in Fact a south park fan #some people think its a red flag so yk *shrugs* #ive seen a lot of smack talk abt sp from mtl fans which is so WEIRD to me cuz hello??? adultswim show?? but yea to each their own #just fulfilling my duty here 🫡 #rambling

[disgracedghostprincess]

Multidimensional travel am I right?

So uh somehow my oc became a dimension traveler XD TO NOT MUCH FAULT OF MY OWN IT JUST SNOWBALLED INTO THIS— the gist is that after the “How The Turn Have Tables” crossover fic I’m currently working on (the fic takes place around the end of season 1) Sylvia gets a side effect to where she just randomly appears in a random dimension XD so yeah that’s fun—

Also the background is basically an edited collage (by me) of all of me and my friendos art from The Employees AU. The main blog is @theemployees and I shall tag all of them so plz give them some love <3

@malka-gol3 @coyotecam @artstufff-jpg @suya-khamie @quirkycorgianimations @ariel-gremlinzkeep @ieatoilpatings @tigerkat360 @bloodyballoon on tiktok

#I am so so proud of how it turn out #Also KUDOS TO SUYA-KHAMI WHO GAVE ME GREAT ADVICE FOR GHE SHADING #I LOVE UUUU #Also shit is crazy cause this is like the main problem for season 2 for her XD #its ok she got friends to help her figure this out lmaooo #also you might see uh some of the crossover art I’ve been making eventually lmao #I’m a sucker for crossover shit #and this is a good excuse to do it so…. #*shrug* #anyways I hope you enjoy this piece~ #took me 7 hrs to edit that background lmaoooo XD #rottmnt #save rottmnt #rottmnt au #tmnt au #the employees rottmnt #rottmnt oc #rottmnt art

[selamat-linting]

holy shit. i just realized my friends have been treating me like a cat all along. and worst of all i fell for it and like it that way. im not beating the therian allegations fr.

its the way my older coworkers greets me with so much hype yknow? or how the coworkers make jokes about me that is kinda mean but is said in this weirdly endearing way. or the way girls just like suddenly poking at grabbing at my sides. or the way this girl in highschool likes to pet my head and scratch my ears. or how my most favorite thing is to let people rest on my chest, my stomach, and my lap. or most damningly, the way i play along with people asking me to dance and be a clown because i secretly like being the center of attention. in every friend group im in, the only position i thrive in is when im the honorary pet. im not human indeed.

#breaking news: guy who cant mask tries to pull of his neurodivergency as an endearing personality trait and it worked #it doesnt work all the time btw like im relatively lucky and privileged in quite a few ares but ueah #im gonna own up to the fact that im not human #i dont know what i am though. some kind of cat or a mutt or a corpse *shrugs* #im technically a therian without all the spirituality stuff #its the dog autism #posts about me

[aeide-thea]

have been reading fic & thinking abt my relationship to fic, which is of course also among other things a mirror of my relationship to my own psyche, and like—i think all the discourse abt its being ~internalized misogyny~ to mostly/entirely read m/m is not ultimately, whatever the truth of it, all that helpful, either to readers or to Women! but of course that doesn't stop me from feeling weird guilt abt the fact that i don't read more f/f than i do, because if there's anything i love to do, it's feel unhelpfully bad abt myself on the slimmest of pretexts…

however! i did end up reading some f/f earlier, specifically transfem f/f, and it got me thinking—basically what i'm usually mostly reading fic for is the romance/sex, right? like, don't get me wrong, i love when a fic gives me a gorgeous double helix of, like, casefic and romance twisted together, that's ideal, but fundamentally most of the time the feeling up is what i sat down at the table to eat. so in a complex aegosexual way it's a fantasy i'm—not projecting onto, exactly, i don't want to be one of the people in it; but, like, lurking in the wings of with eyes big love-crumbs, to steal a phrase from a relevantly-named poet. :) and so it's no wonder that mostly i don't want to read cisfemme4cisfemme stuff, because that's not a dynamic that feels like it has any room for me, or even like i'm particularly welcome in the room. but like. if it's trans women? i'm there, i love that for them and for me. if there's a butch? i might get tripped up by our differing lenses on gender feelings and stub my toe a little but even so i'm probably here for it. (thinking here abt that one butch/femme geraskier ~cisswap which is, like, a gorgeous bruise i keep periodically pressing. <3)

so really it's just like. shocker: i'm not personally moved by fantasies abt romance which feature conventionally feminine cis women whom i don't personally find relatable or sexually desirable! and when i put it like that, it really instantly dissolves the weird useless discourse-induced guiltgunk. like. give me a woman who's, idk, tall and charismatic and strong and clever and talented at something (though honestly it's like that siken revised tweet, a lot of those characteristics are ultimately negotiable!), like women i've historically crushed on irl, and then give me a pairing for her that's like. another woman who's also enough of those things, or a man who's—honestly the kind of m/f i'm open to would be its own whole post bc holy shit am i fussy, it very much does exist but for now let's just stick a pin in that one—or somebody nonbinary, which… idk that i've ever actually seen nb/f in fic? i'm sure it exists! but i'm not sure it exists in any fandoms i've been into. pondering the question did get me really thirsty for a good 'farmgirl (of the luke skywalker variety) is absolutely stunned-and-ringing-like-a-struck-bell captivated by confident flamboyantly genderqueer love interest (example wanted)' dynamic, though…

#(this is entirely unrelated to the actual topic but every time i use a possessive to modify a gerund bc it's a verbal noun it's like #pls hold‚ time 2 decide whether i'd rather do the esoteric thing—'its being'—and have most ppl think i'm getting it wrong #or do the demotic thing—'it being'—and *know* in my own secret heart i'm getting it wrong #and both scenarios feel Bad! so it really is just lose-lose every time it comes up… a sad situation for a gerund lover like yrs truly. 😔) #(also yes what is 'wrong' when it comes 2 language anyway but like. you know what itches your ears and i know what itches mine. #…& obvs what itches mine somehow does NOT include (mis)using 'itch' as a transitive verb for comedically colloquial effect. shrug emoji!!) #anyway none of this is remotely groundbreaking or even unusual but. soothing 2 me to lay it out like this. #fannish things #i guess also #aut fieri uolo aut futuere #and no‚ the world definitely did not need >500 words retreading the same ground many other ppl have already trodden #however. what is a blog for if not to house long-winded unnecessary posts no one but the author (if that) really needed. #in conclusion anything i say abt My Relationship 2 Fic is really always a diptych with that anecdote abt the woman who called up queer bars #just to know there was a space out there where freedom and joy existed‚ and brush the edge of it‚ just a little #like am i personally embodying/visible as much of what i'm deeply emotionally bound up with? no. #is it nonetheless/therefore hugely important to me to see those possibilities stretched out before me like a far green field? sure is!!

[stirdrawsandreblaws]

trying to gently explain to someone that you do not make an oc for a decades-old thing that has one of the most autistic and lore-entrenched fanbases without being willing to do either 1) a cursory wiki skim beforehand about the extensively well-established canon you're supposedly building your character off of, or 2) prepare for people to Not Like Or Understand What You're Going For, Here

tl;dr if you wanna do an alternate interpretation of a d&d god (and llolth??? being a sad misunderstood and distant power who didn't want any murdering done in her name????? and Personally treats a *male* cleric well???? is Definitely an alternate interpretation) then...make your own setting and write or DM for it?? instead of being mad that other people would share lore with you bc what you've come up with directly contradicts the canon that everyone else is going by???

#stirring up trouble #that aita made me spit blood. and while i am inclined to say theyre not an asshole bc i think its just a Rookie Mistake on that OP's part... #You Are The One Kicking Down The Sandcastles In The Sandbox Actually. ive done the same thing as a newbie to fandoms yknow #speculative headcanons for shit i simply didnt know existed. but when i got corrected i simply adapted and reworked my headcanons #instead of getting mad that someone else was willing to share knowledge and cite sources. *shrugs* long as they arent mean abt it. #anyway for those of you who are not aware: llolth is so fucked up even other evil gods avoid her. she's beefing with tons of them #llolth-worshipping drow society is also INTENSELY matriarchal. men are breeders or cannon fodder. llolth also LOVES infighting #and maintains her stranglehold on underdark drow by choking out rival faiths and 'culling the weak' via Lots Of Assassinations And Murders #so that only her bestest and most specialest followers get to live. basically turning them all into zealots. this is literally the canon. #and ***that*** is the goddess this person chose to 'save' their cleric dude???? comparing her to catholic god in that post even. like. what. #but hey. homebrew or with a dm that's cool with it?? fine. just. not in a freeform rp discord running off of forgotten realms canon. wtf

[basementxdweller]

thinking about that time i was asked "who molested you for you to turn out this way" on here. something something that action had consequences

#dolly gross posts #internally for me it did anyways #me when the repressed memory resurfaces. its fine. its fine. its fine. its fine. #at leastnow when i think abt it its like. ah okay. that happened to someone else and not me so its ok. #and i simply ignore the fact that it happened to my body. it doesnt matter. yay <3 #also im still not fully convinced that what happened to me was in fact molestation. shrugs #its like 'well they were also a child so it doesnt matter or count' and 'it isnt that big of a deal even though it very much feels so' #they should invent childhood experiences for me that dont make me feel like i have to preface everything i say with #'okay so heads up this is probably heavy and weird and will sound venty even though i dont really mean for it to' #also. idk. ill probably delete this later #because i swing wildly between being like #'this is something unfortunate that happened to me as a kid but i dont really care and it doesnt really matter' #and #'if i think about this i will want to eat glass & cry & cry & cry & cry & cry & cry and mourn who i could have been had it not happened' #they should invent someone i can talk to about this without feeling like i am lying or a bad person or making things up for attention or #making them uncomfortable or feeling like they dont understand #idk. i need to go psychoanalyze myself so i can make sense of how i think #this needs a cw probably #cw vent #cw molestation mention #i guess #shrugs

[queer-quester]

Bloop

#there is this like #almost vocal stim i have from dimension 20 #which is in one of the acofaf episodes #Lou wilson saying “I am feeling...unwell” #its a very funny moment #his tone and the pause length accompanied by a look to emily who just grimaces in the way that conveys a shrug #anyways v fun y good moment #and my brain loves to play that soundclip #especially when i am unwell #such as right now #like damn he rlly did get it #i AM..... unwell.

[hirokiyuu]

i mentioned on the dys>sol/nomi i was gonna be posting more of my fic backlog on here and then Did Not Do That..... until now! have some dys>sol>cal. 'you sure write a lot of dys>sol where sol likes other people' yeah. yeah. i won't lie to you guys tho this run does eventually end w/dys/sol but. u kno. takes a bit :)

aaaaanyways please enjoy this Unrequited Teen Angst WWWWWWW set during early year 16!

is that the sun i see (or am i just being greedy); 700 words

Sol’s weirdly moody on the transport. Usually even if he’s quiet, he’ll be fiddling with his holopalm or listening to music or something, but today he’s in the very back, just staring out at the scenery, and when their eyes meet for half a second he doesn’t even smile. Sol always smiles when he sees Dys, which honestly used to kind of weird him out but these days… does not do that.

Still, as the team files out of the transport and breaks off into pairs, Dys keeps an eye on him instead of scouting ahead like normal -- which ends up being a good thing, because after about fives minutes out by themselves Sol suddenly lets out an enormous groan and slumps over, hunched in over himself. And Dys can’t feel fear but his heart’s pounding anyways as he runs over, careful to keep an eye on their surroundings as he leans over and says, urgently, “Sol, what --”

The moment his hand touches Sol’s back Sol jumps, enough to send himself falling back on his ass in the dirt, eyes wide with surprise like he hadn’t heard Dys sprinting towards him. “Dys?” he sputters, before glancing around. “I thought -- I mean, don’t you normally go on ahead…?”

He doesn't look hurt at all, though on closer inspection there’s bags under his eyes Dys’s never seen on his face before. “I mean,” says Dys, who can’t bring himself to say I was worried about you, “you were acting weird, so….”

“Oh,” says Sol, before managing a tiny grin up at him. “That’s… that’s really nice of you. Thanks.”

“Whatever.” Ugh. He can feel his stupid face going red. The worst part is that he can’t even leave, not with how Sol’s smile is still wobbling at the edges. “...Are you okay?”

“Oh, well, um… I mean, that’s….” The smile slides off Sol’s face piece by piece, until he gives up on it all at once and sighs miserably, pulling his knees in close until he’s curled up on himself in the dirt. “No.”

Dys… can’t even pretend to be surprised. Slowly he sits down next to Sol, watching as Sol leans forward to rest his chin on his arms, for once not even fidgeting. “...It’s stupid,” says Sol, finally. “It’s really stupid, and you’re gonna think it’s stupid too. But… if I tell you… can you pretend you don’t think it is? Just for like, ten minutes.”

This already sounds like it’s going to suck. “...Okay. I won’t… say anything, I guess.”

“Thanks.”

The moment drags out. Dys picks a little at a hangnail, waiting. Finally, Sol sighs again, and doesn’t quite look at Dys as he says, “Cal and Tammy are dating.”

“...Oh.”

“He told me on my birthday.” Sol tilts even further forward, until his face is buried in his arms, and with a muffled voice says, “Like, he knocked on the door and she was there and he had his hand on her back. And she’d made me a cake, which was like, nice or whatever, but it was so unbearable just seeing them together and I just -- I just had to sit there and pretend I was happy for them….

“Apparently she asked him out during Glow? Like, after the attack? And I saw them together in the lounge but I didn’t even realize….” There is, horrifyingly, a sniffing noise. “Stupid… stupid Fennec Face. She’s not… she’s not even that cute, and she’s afraid of everything, and I… I….”

Another sniff. Dys is probably the person least equipped to deal with this in the entire colony, not in the least because he heard Cal was dating someone else and his first reaction was gratitude. “...Sorry,” he offers up, finally. “That… that sucks.”

“Yeah,” says Sol, as he burrows deeper into his arms. “I… I just… I really like him. Y’know?”

Quietly, Dys answers, “I know.”

In response Sol just lets out this big shuddering sigh, somehow burrowing even deeper. “Sorry,” he says. “I know it’s stupid. I… Sorry.”

Dys can’t think of anything to say to that, can’t think of a single thing that might make Sol feel a little better. Instead of trying anyways he just sits there like an idiot, keeping half an eye on the planet around them to make sure they don’t get eaten by anything, and next to him Sol doesn’t move for a long, long time.

#i like pining dys can u tell. can u tell #i also like Physical Skills Only Head Empty sol LMFAO #also ill be honest with u guys #the only reason i am posting this one is bc i have a High Comedy sequel but it does require this one being posted first #bracelet scene :) with this sol :) is so funny #guy who has zero reasoning whatsoever #oh side note for ppl who read my shit. this is the same sol that would propose to dys later on in life #guy who is a stupid romantic #anyways. they are stupid. #should i put this in the main tag or not..... im very lukewarm on this LMFAO #again. this is only here bc its Necessary Context for the other hting i Want to post #ehhhh might as well i guess. shrugs. #i was a teenage exocolonist #how do you writing #oh title is from 2023 by blue rain boots #chorus is 'is that the sun i see or am i just bein greedy / gonna fix myself so i'm not so fuckin needy' and lie #the guys voice is soooo nice i love the way he sings it wwwww its good vibes #OK THATS A LOT OF TAGS. as long as the ficlet itself. #anyways. feast my children.

[carnival-core]

I will say it's wild how many posts here are genuinely and judgmentally surprised people on here don't have sex and don't go clubbing , usually after very much reblogging posts talking about how the world isn't really . Catered to disabled people? And how this site Is mostly disabled people? And if they are able bodied they're still incapacitated by their mental health , or nonstop work , or school crunch , or etc . At least in the spheres these kind of people tend to post in . Like hey if you're able to go clubbing and get laid in spite of everything good for you but don't be surprised that something which was made hard to do out of malice or accidentally-malicious ignorance . Is hard to do . You know

#behind the tent #also ignoring the fact that I do not doubt there are still children* (*like ... under 18 or under 21 depending on where you live)- #-on this site . Like I feel like thats also part of it . But idk how many of them Are voting on these kinda polls anyways #to be fair half the people who do seem surprised also seem like the types to make fun of people who have to hype themselves up for- #-phonecalls . or at least did when that was a funny meme so its like (shrugs) not that surprising theyre surprised #this makes me sound more annoyed w the phenomenon in the post than I am I;m not rlly I;m more just bewildered #like do you know where we are ??

[nonbiriyani]

To be honest . I'm way too bad at video games to be getting offended when someone says that I suck at one esp if ik its (most likely) meant as a joke .. it will still happen tho and I will never forget it 👍🏽

#one of those 'if i say it abt myself its fine but if someone else says it .. 💀' type of things #i am also a bit of a sensitive guy and i know this tho so . shrug. i dont try to invite those type of ppl who joke that way #also am unfortunately a bit of a believer in most jokes having a bit of truth in them lol so #the insult type of joking will in fact mess with me <- like 65 percent of the time its a weird hit or miss #idk . thinking abt it . #momo mood

[chartreusebird]

My hobby is exaggerated pointing at the yield to pedestrians signs as cars blow past

#theres a crosswalk i use almost every time i walk my dog that is so satisfying when the cars stop #i am always careful but yeah pointing and waving my arms and shrugging like a sky dancer in the name of walkability for all #my justification is they will be more likely to notice its there next time bc genuinely they are being huge asshole by not stopping at a #cleeeeeaaarrrrllllyyyy marked crosswalk #and i just fucking love doing it it brings me joy to do a lil interpretive dance of fuck these entitled motorists #and before you say it yes i always yield when im driving i be slowing down when nyone even looks in the direction of a crosswalk #again to ppiunt out to the motorists in ny lane that this is a spot they should paying attention to #its a college area so there are so fucking many new drivers and then also people coming in who dont know the area on game days #and also tooonnnnssss of pedestrians which is the only reason i can stand it

[theloveinc]

hmmmmmmmmm. do we make this sugar daddy au quirk or non-quirk?

#to the anon who asked how we meet sugar daddy bakugo #been thinking abt it ALL WEEKEND trying to come up with something good #i finally found the route i wanna go but there's still room to decide #i can probs decided eventually the more i think it out but what would be better do u think? #i feel like im gonna have trouble typing this out in a way i like ... so i might as well take my time hammering out what i wanna say #its so funny how im so concerned over a tiny ask #but *shrug* i am insnae :) #caitie blabs