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denkineptune · 3 years

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mha date headcanons- boys and girls :))

♡ request: “i love ur blog already, ur writing is so good!!! im so excited to see the content u’ll be posting !! :D since ur taking requests, how abt some date headcanons for the mha boys (or girls if u want!) ?” - @dianangels

♡ thank you for letting me write girls aaa i chose to do some as first date hc. it was kinda hard to keep jirou’s gn because i wanted to reference wlw stereotypes but i succeeded in gender-neutral because i want everyone to be able to enjoy

♡ dedicating part of this to @anxious-botanist because she’s the one who inspired the momo cuddles hehe sorry it took so long

♡ fic details: headcanons, fluff, gender-neutral reader, 2nd pov

characters: kaminari, amajiki, jirou, ashido, yaoyorozu

kaminari- arcade

↠AR C ADE DA T E

↠you hear me??? arcade!! date!! ideal man, right here, someone claim him immediately or else i will be forced to take ownership

↠he’s super laid back and chill, pretty childish at heart. he only means the best, though, so i think an arcade is exactly what he would go for when taking you on a date! he doesn’t have a lot of money but still wants you to go home with something to remember the date by

↠he buys like $50 worth of tokens and splits it between the two of you, making sure that he tells you which games give the most tickets, because he’s definitely been here enough times to remember

↠his favorite game is either crossy roads or the big bass wheel- he loves crossy roads because of how cute the style is, but also there is impending stress and levels of d o o m as you progress further. big bass wheel is basically just gambling, and i think he’s yumeko jabami.

↠he hacks games to make you win sometimes,, his quirk is bascially designed to do this. it’s like he was born just to take you out on this arcade date. he uses his quirk to short circuit the game and trick the computer into giving you hundreds of tickets

↠he just wants to make you happy and see you smile!! there’s not a feeling quite like succeeding at something as silly as an arcade game, but there’s a certain pride to it that he loves seeing on your face.

↠kaminari only does it a few times, since he knows that you should be earning your prizes ((not that you know when he does it, he’s really cheeky about it))

↠playyyy multiplayers with him! he loves DDR (dance dance revolution)- you do multiple rounds and are equally exhausted by the end of it akdflad you may not be good, and tbh neither is denki, but you still have fun, which is what matters

↠he also loves taking photobooth pictures, he puts on the most horrendous filters and does the dumbest poses, but it’s so adorable. he does the typical one smile, one “serious”, one silly face, one kith > <

↠kami gets cocky,,, it’s just how he is,, he gets overly confident whether or not he’s been on a winstreak

“heyy, y/n! look at my speedrun on this, i’m getting so many tickets, i’ll be able to get a house by the end of it!”

↠and then he CAN’T because he doesn’t get the jackpot eghgdhgeh

↠by the end of the day, you’ve spent hours at the arcade, laughing and screaming with denki as you terrorize the small children. yes, he’s that kind of guy

↠by “terrorize”, i don’t mean like a bully, but he’s unintentionally intimidating kids with his pockets overflowing with ticket chains, a crazed look on his face as he goes absolutely ham on the shooting games

↠there’s electricity coming off of him, kids sometimes have to dodge it when passing by

↠so anyways, by the end of the date, you’re basically being kicked out of the arcade, because, as kami puts it,

“we were here when it opened and i’ll be damned if we’re not here when it closes,”

↠between the two of you, you’ve aquired tens of thousands of tickets??? the employees probably hate y’all, they had to count those beasts of ticket rolls you’ve accumulated during the 10 hours the arcade was open

↠exactly 62,069 tickets (69 go brrr- kaminari’s brain), and you can basically buy the arcade with that currency

↠but here’s the thing: he lets you spend all of it. you heard me, all. of. it. he just wants to see you happy, and the best way he can think of to get a final glorious memory of your smile is to let you spend the tickets as you see fit, this generosity just to see you glowing as you walk out of the building, arms chock full of amazing junk

↠but of course, you’d feel bad if you spent all of it, especially since he was the one who took you out, so you offered him the half of the tickets that were won

“denki, you won most of these with your amAzINg gaming skills, it’s only fair you get to have something too,”

“my prize will be seeing you- your- your-- aw fuck, i forgot the line, it’ll come back to me, just give me a minute.”

↠he tried to be smooth and it failed, but you chuckled at the attempt, so all around, he considered it a success

↠denki gets a lot of dumb things that will probably end up being thrown away soon, but he also gets you a very soft bat stuffed animal that you should treasure and keep forever

amajiki- a walk and picnic in a japanese garden

↠tamaki is very shy, very socially anxious. he’s the kind to wait for people to leave a section of a store before he goes there, purposely do his errands in the early morning to limit social interaction, and find any excuse to leave a situation. which, tbh, isn’t that all of us?

↠let’s be honest here, if it wasn’t y’alls first date, he’d probably not go anywhere. as long as he’s with you, he doesn’t really care for anything too fancy

↠but he’s convinced himself that he needs to do something reasonably big for your first date to make sure you don’t regret your decision to go out with him. so instead of deciding to stay in, he goes somewhere that’s only slightly anxious for him, but where he still feels comfortable

↠so he’s decided on a japanese tsukiyama garden! these places are beautiful by design, not cheap but not too expensive, and people are obligated by rules to be quiet and keep their hands to themselves

↠nobody goes to a garden to socialize, in fact, i’d argue most people go just to look around, rest, and clear their heads. there’s usually not any screaming children, no quirk usage, no villains, it’s a little safe haven.

↠bonus: there’s butterflies :))

↠it’s so peaceful, and he gets to focus on you instead of whatever loud noise is making him anxious

↠he brings a picnic basket filled with all your favorite foods, and his! he makes a show out of displaying what he can manifest with different snacks, making a point to eat edible seeds so he can produce flowers for you 🥺🥺🥺

↠you walk around the garden for a few hours, marveling at the decor and how well-maintained everything is. there’s a koi pond, hanging wisteria trees, and multiple gazebos that create a really comfortable and calm environment

↠speaking of koi ponds, amajiki offers to buy you food so you can feed the fish! you stand on a bridge above the pond, sharing the container with him. the sMILE on his face when he watches you throw the food is so pure i’m-

↠he’s the walking embodiment of “uwu”- his face is so calm and his eyes are shining and he can feel his heart swelling with love i am GOING to cry my eyes out

↠but honestly, he wishes he could stay in this moment forever- you’re happy, he’s happy, and it feels like you two are the only people in the universe. right now, he doesn’t have to worry about school, villain attacks, his future, or anything that makes him anxious; all that he can see right now is how beautiful and at peace you look. he took you out today, and you’re enjoying yourself. this is one of the few things that makes him confident: knowing that he’s able to make you happy

↠tamaki is silently celebrating; you’ve had a good time and he didn’t freak out, so it’s the best possible scenario!

ashido- rollerskating! ((look at her she’s adorable the smile n the eyes aaa))

↠mina is a very energetic and bubbly person, its quite obvious if you’ve spent any amount of time around her

↠for your first date with her, she’d already have a location in mind!!

↠the atmosphere of rollerskating rinks is so electric, she can’t help but feel happy there, and she wants to experience that lovely feeling with you, too :))

↠you enter the rink, and mina is already borderline bouncing off the walls alskdfj

↠whether or not you’ve ever skated before, ashido is super cautious with you- multiple times she’s fallen on her butt while learning how to skate, so unless you’re a pro, she’s watching your every move to make sure you don’t get hurt

“y/n! please be careful- you’re not getting hurt on my watch!”

↠she jabs a thumb in her direction proudly, with the cutest bigass grin on her face awh 🥺🥺🥺she’s really enthusiastic about sharing one of her passions with you

“try to balance, alright? don’t put too much weight on your heel or toes, because then you’ll fall on your butt. here, take my hand and i’ll help you! hey, there you go, you’re doing great!”

↠she pays for everything and will WRESTLE you if you try to disagree aldkfa if you’re the type of person to pay for everything as well, y’all are going to have to fight; mina will not give up

↠ashido comes here a lot, so she’s friendly with all the employees, she has the uncanny ability to make friends wherever she goes ((i mean she’s friends with bakugou,, if she can do that,, she can do anything))

↠she takes one of your hands and backs onto the rink, watching for anyone behind her. once you’re balanced properly, she shows you how to move your feet so that the two of you are in sync

↠skating isn’t super hard to figure out, it’s mostly intuitive, so you’ll get the hang of it quite quickly!! maybe you’re not too fast, but it’s still fun, so it doesn’t matter

↠while you’re moving with care, making sure to focus on your footwork, mina will definitely take the chance to show off her skating skills! she’s moving like crazy, weaving around other people and nearly toppling them over but shh she’s trying to impress you and if i’m being honest??? she’s really fucking good aldkdf

↠it’s obvious that she loves this hobby, and the fact that she likes you enough to share it with you on your first date is so adorable aaaa

↠mina’s really agile- you don’t know if that’s all the hero training or just something that comes naturally, but the way she moves makes skating look like the easiest goddamn thing in the world-

↠she’s such a romantic, she’s definitely put in a request for the dj to play your favorite song, no matter if it fits the mood or not

↠heavy rock? sure!! as long as you’re having fun, who cares about what other people think? super vulgar rap?? w h y n o t ? !

↠she just has that extroverted, positive, charming energy that’s infectious

↠you can’t help but feel at ease around her, she’s a genuinely a great person, and what you think the epitome of a hero is

↠all ashido really wants here is to have fun with you- i mean she really likes you, and hopes that she’ll get to go on another date w/ you, so she’s doing everything in her power to woo u

↠and you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t working 🥺👉👈

jirou- hanging out in her room

↠kyouka jirou, being the more introverted person she is, wouldn’t really want to go somewhere super public, like mina would

↠i also believe that she’d want to be friends (or at least acquaintances) with you before asking you on a date- she’s easily annoyed by people, so i think that she’d need to be comfortable around you if she was to be romantically interested

↠and you’ve ticked all these boxes! you understand her sarcastic, blunt personality, and find it pretty amusing. beyond all that, she’s kind and caring, and deep down, she aspires to be a hero for all the right reasons. who wouldn’t love her for that?

↠so for your first date with kyouka, i think she’d want to be somewhere quiet and intimate with you. she wouldn’t want any interruptions ((specifically from jammingyay, who enjoys butting his head in other peoples’ business))

↠the most comfortable place for her would be her room, since it’s really just an extension of her personality, and since you’re quite close, she’d be okay with letting you in her private space. she trusts you.

↠just two guys bein dudes 🤠 ((if you’re a girl, it’s just sappho and her friend--))

↠music is one of the biggest things in jirou’s life, and i think she’d want to share it with you. that is, if you’d let her :)) she has dozens of different instruments, so if you want to attempt to learn something, she’d be totally down!!

↠please show her what kind of music you’re into! no matter what it is, she’ll listen to it. she wants to get to know what kind of person you are when you’re not around other people, and music is a great way to do that. even if you don’t have the same taste as her, she wouldn’t mind, since a) she’ll listen to pretty much anything, she’s not picky; and b) it’s something that you’re showing her, and that’s enough to make her happy

↠she’s not a very formal person, so i think she’d just want to talk to you and hang out. i’d think kyouka would be more of a fan of a gradual relationship, one that starts from friends and slowly evolves into more. and yes, as you can probably tell, i am a sucker for mutual pining and friends-to-lovers tropes-- im a simple hoe 😌

↠she’s super fun to hang out with!! her sense of humor is really snarky, she also enjoys talking shit about people she doesn’t like. if you’re not into that, she’s able to carry on conversation really well. there’s not a moment of awkward silence between you

↠jirou actually really likes talking shit about people hsahsh- as long as it’s someone that’s been mean in some way. she won’t say anything bad about someone who hasn’t done anything to deserve it. but if you’ve wronged her in some way, boy, do you have it COMING

↠by the end of it, i just know your cheeks hurt from laughing

↠she’s just a really fun person to be around, she may not be the most bubbly person ever, but she’s super easy-going and cool ((jirou bias incoming ekejke))

↠i do think she’d try to sneak some kind of affection if she thinks you’d reciprocate- if you’re really getting along well, she might snake her hand into yours when you’re sitting on the bed, laughing

↠honestly you might not even notice until she stops, because your hand feels empty and cold without her like your heart aa

↠if she’s really into you?? might get a smol peck on the cheek 👉👈 please try to get a smol peck on the cheek, it’s very cute and she gets so flustered

↠she goes up to you as you’re about to leave her room, grabs your shoulder, turns you around, and gives you an adorable if not slightly aggressive smooch

↠then she reFUSES to acknowledge what she just did akdfld- she turns away, beet red, and is completely silent

↠meanwhile you’re probably laughing your ass off because wow she’s so cute

↠kudos if you give one back to her, baby is on the verge of exploding ejkdjf

↠her heart just can’t handle what you’re doing to her

↠and despite what her appearance is, her heart is doing backflips- she’s whipped <33

momo: tea and c u d d l e s

↠she’s a very fancy person, obviously. yaoyorozu wants only the best for everyone she loves, and that, of course, includes you! she loves showing affection through giving things to others. her family status only magnifies this aspect of her personality, as being born into wealth gives her the means to spoil you rotten

↠and even though she’s bougie as all hell, she also somehow maintains an elegant and simple air about her. it’s impressive, really. it’s not like she tries to flex her money, it’s just a part of her life, and she enjoys using her privilege well

↠that being said, what’s more elegant and mature than going for tea? it’s a lovely pastime that momo would love to include you in!

↠lowkey,, she’s a whole sugar momma dfkdjla im not even joking- she doesn’t try to be, but virtually everything she does shows how rich she is

↠you arrive at the tea room, and by god is it fancy. there’s multiple chandeliers suspended from the ceiling, which is decorated with classic renaissance-style paintings. all the tables are set with white cloth, plates made of pure fine china, flowers and woven baskets set everywhere to create a cottagecore-like setting. the air about it is so sophisticated, from the patrons (wait is that a celebrity-) to the decorations

↠your face is kinda just,,, 😮,, because what in the world did momo get you into??

“momo, you’re so sweet, and this place is lovely, but don’t you think this is a bit much? not that i don’t absolutely appreciate it, it’s just that this seems really expensive, and i don’t want you to have to spend that much for just one date.”

↠she just chuckles, saying that it was “really nothing” (???? MISS GIRL???)

“don’t worry, y/n, this isn’t too much! i want to have fun today, and this place is so nice! let’s just find a table, alright?”

↠like, hunney, you’re so kind, but this is a LOT

↠but if you say so....

↠she looks at you with the most enthusiastic, wholesome eyes, and soon you’re following her like a puppy towards your table. the waiter sits you down, and leaves, giving you a moment to glaze over the menu to find a drink

↠and there’s so many types of teas, at least 30 on this page alone. you hadn’t even heard of half of these drinks, how would you know if you’d like them?

↠yaomomo seemed to notice your puzzlement, and said that you could get a pot of something simple, like jasmine green or earl grey, and she would get something fancier that you could try. why not?

↠a few minutes later, you’ve already adjusted to the sophisticated and intimidating environment, focusing only on the girl across from you, and how her eyes glittered with happiness

↠she orders a few normal tea foods, like scones with jam, lemon curd, and devonshire cream, and finger sandwiches. the fanciest thing she buys, though, is a blooming tea that arrives in a clear pot. it has an open flower inside of it, which is what the tea is infused with. it’s nearly 16,100 yen for one pot, though, and while you protest its expense, momo reassures you that it’s no problem (you just learned not to say anything about money, as it wouldn’t stop yaoyorozu from spoiling you)

↠ngl, it’s so fun to pretend to be fancy for a few hours at a tea room !! you acted as if you were a member of high society, using stereotypes to exaggerate your actions. it made some people only slightly irritated, but hey, it got a laugh out of a pretty girl, so who’s the real winner?

↠yaomomo taught you some classy etiquette that you should definitely use, it makes her so happy to think that you’re learning about new things while still enjoying your time with her

↠she makes really good conversation!! her intellect seeps through everything she says, anyone who talks to her would be able to tell that she’s extremely well-spoken and mature. momo is modest, and deflects a lot of the compliments you try to give her, so if you try to display your admiration for her, you’d probably need to be very specific about it. she doesn’t have the best self-image when it comes to her heroism and field work. spoken affection sometimes doesn’t get through to her, but you know what does? physical affection!

↠she loves cuddles, and will regularly take you back to her house after a date to cuddle in her bed. her mattress is legendary, and it’s comfortable as hell. there’s an abundance of pillows and the bed isn’t too soft or too firm, and it’s always somehow an amazing temperature???? mattresses are investments, and this was definitely a good one

↠momo loves the intimacy and trust of holding you, it allows her to escape from overthinking and only focus on you, her beautiful partner. she doesn’t care if she’s the big or little spoon, but her favorite kind of cuddling is when you’re on your back and she’s curled into your side, head tucked under your chin and hand on your chest

↠she can do this for hours, please let her. she feels safe with you, confident, because you’re choosing to spend time with her in this quiet moment instead of being off somewhere else.

↠in conclusion,,, 💕women 💕

-denkineptune

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violetnotez · 3 years

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matchup for drew | JJK

Request a matchup here

Hey babe! So I match you up with....

ＩｎｕｍａｋｉＴｏｇｅ

Look at this pretty boy like ughhh youre so lucky 😭

Inumaki is incredibly loyal-he wouldn’t ever ever give you a reason not to trust him

Also, don’t let his quietness fool you-he is a total trickster/prankster and will always be doing something silly to get you to laugh

He really likes training with you-to him it’s quite therapeutic and a great way to bond with you

But he’s cheeky at times if your doing close combat-he’ll just quickly plant a kiss on your cheeks to get you distracted so he can pin you down 💀

He thinks it’s amazing you’re so skilled in so many sports-it takes a lot to train, and he respects it a lot!

The one he really wanted you to teach him was rollerskating-one day he’d just walk into your room, hand holding a pair of new skates and just plainly saying “Tuna?”

Tuna meaning Please teach me, I know you’re busy but I’m bored and I just wanna have some fun please please please 🥺

He caught on to it really quickly, and in no time you two were blasting music and making trips to the grocery store for some sweets as quick little dates

Inumaki at one point tried to teach Panda and Maki, but Panda was totally decked out in headgear and shoulder pads and still ate shit every 2 seconds 💀

When he first met you, he honestly wasn’t really that intimidated

He still got that nervous rush of meeting someone new, but he was used to meeting intimidating girls-Nobara and Maki being perfect examples of that

Maki was so relieved to have another girl, and you two hit it off amazingly-you two would always be paired together cause you work great off each other as partners and as friends

Panda is just so lovingly protective for you, like if you feel uncomfy in public at times or just feel awkward in general, he’s right there to just give some support 🖤

He just approached you like he would with them, just a quick nod of his head and maybe a reply like “Bonito flakes” to be respectful

He is really intrigued by you-he’s naturally curious, how could he not when he has someone new and pretty in front of him~

But he gave you space, not wanting to intrude or make you uncomfy

But once you begin to open up, OH MY GOD he is so happy!

You get along well with his friends, it’s almost hard to imagine you not being in there friend group at one point-

Whenever something makes you smile, he starts noticing it makes him feel all fluttery inside,,,

Or when he is able to make you chuckle, he finds himself smiling but so grateful he’s able to hide his cheeks with his clothing-

He isn’t oblivious, he obviously knows he caught feelings but he’s super scared to say anything

Cause-how could he even tell you? It’s not like he could just walk up to you and say “Let’s go on a date-“

You could say no and reject him....or even worse, he could make a terrible choice of words and force you on a date by accident with his cursed technique

The 2nd option was too terrifying to him, so he opted to text you a picture of him holding a sign that says “Date?” like a prom proposal, his lilac eyes unable to look at the screen

He definitely begged Panda to take it, cause the picture was pretty fuzzy and theres a furry finger on a corner of the photo

But you thankfully said yes, and Inumaki took you to a roller skating rink, thinking you’d feel comfortable there to hang out. Which was a great plan, until Toge realized he didn’t know how to rollerskate

Panic ensues

The whole time he was desperately trying to repeat to himself “Don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall-“ and still look cool at the same time 💀

It was still cute though, and after you helping him out a bit he caught on very quickly

Still did fall a few times, but when you would giggle and help him up he felt a lot better about it 🥺

Needless to say, was probably the main reason he asked you later on to teach him how to skate properly 💀

And also the main reason your guys’ second date was at a very flat forest with little shrines and fish ponds to look into

Inumaki reallllyyyy craves physical touch, but he never forces it upon you

At the beginning of your relationship, it was really delicate touches, from intertwining pinkies to resting his head on your shoulder

But then it slowly became more and more as you two got more comfortable

This dude will just full on run behind you and wrap his arms around you if hes tired

Or snatch your hand and squeeze it tightly if hes afraid you might be in danger

Does this really cute thing where he puts his forehead on yours and stays there for a sec- dont ask him why he does it, he’ll start blushing but he just likes feeling close to you like that 🥺

Songs for Your Relstionship: Paradise by Coldplay, Beautiful People by Ed Sheeran, Timeless by We Three

Drabble:

“Toge, what are you doing-and when did you get those?” you questioned, your eyes scrunched up in confusion as you eyed the white haired boy in front of you.

Inumaki was standing in your doorway, his jacket zipped up fully so only his violet eyes were visible. In his hands were a pair of roller skates, the wheels a clear plastic while the shoes being a periwinkle blue.

All he did was simply walked into your room, knowing it like the back of hand from countless visits as he picked up your skates that had been left on the floor from the day before. He simply held out both pairs, one simple word of “Tuna” presented out of his mouth.

Your eyebrows furrowed even more, head tilting slightly as you shifted on your bed.

What the hell did he want you to....

“Do you want me....to teach you how to roller skate?”

You saw him instantly light up, obviously ecstatic you had understood him so quickly. He simply nodded his head once as confirmation, violet eyes wide with relief and anticipation.

Inumaki had been bristling to get back in those skates after he had done such a disastrous attempt at your first date. Everytime he thought about how much he had fallen he always internally cringed, almost able to still feel the bruises on his rear that lasted days after.

You had looked so graceful and so happy that day, like you were gliding on top of water as you did laps around the rink or simply to just pick him off the ground after he had eaten shit. He wanted to be able to do that with you, to be able to have picnic dates at the park or just glide over to a store to buy some sweets and ice cream-he had so many cute ideas planned it was almost overwhleming.

He just needed to learn how to skate without painting his body in bruises first.

“Oh, Toge, Im so sorry-” he heard you saw, his heart falling slightly at the sound of guilt in your voice, “but I have some assingments I have to finish....maybe we can do it this weekend?”

That happy expression he had had a few moments before faltered slightly, his lips pursed and nose scrunched under his jacket.

But Inumaki was persistent-he wasnt one to take no for an answer, especially when he knew how to get what he wanted with a few dirty tricks.

Toge took a few steps towards you, his knee landing on top of your bed and making it dip under his weight, wrapping his arms around you in an inescapable hug.

Inumaki was pretty clever, as he knew it was hard for you to resist him when he was being clingy. He simply nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck, white hair tickling your jawline, hands squeezing your sides gently.

You sighed, rolling your eyes slightly with an amused smirk as your propped yourself on your elbows and looked down at your boyfriend, who was clearly milking it to get what he wanted.

“Youre not gonna let go unti l say yes, huh?”

Inumaki picked his head up, violet eyes soft yet mischeivously as he shook his head gently-

This brat wasnt going to let go until you did exactly what he wanted.

You sighed exaperatedly, looking up at the ceiling as you felt Inumaki chuckle against your stomach.

“Fine then...” you gave in, finding it adorable how quickly his face light up.

“-But you have to buy me snacks and be my study partner for the rest of the night.”

Toge instantly smiled, the crinkles of the expression showing around his eyes. Getting you to teach him how to roller skate, and have a study date right after? This day was getting better and better for him.

“Salmon!” he agreed quickly, shuffling off of your form and handing you your skates- you were going to make him a pro after today, and he was more than ready.

I hoped you liked these, and thank you for requesting!! <3

#matchup #matchup comission #jjk #jjk matchup #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen matchup #inumaki x reader #inumaki matchup

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artificialqueens · 3 years

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Rollerskating Into My Life (Symone x Gigi) - Strawberry

Summary:

“You’re really pretty, too. But I don’t really know how to skate. Balancing is so hard!”

“Let me get a soda and then afterwards I can help you out?” The curly haired girl offered, and Gigi grinned.

Or, Gigi is at Jaida's birthday party and doesn't know anyone else there. Symone changes that.

A/N: Hi! I originally wrote this for the Rare Pair challenge earlier this year, but I never ended up submitting. I reread it yesterday and was like "Wait, I don't hate this!" so I decided that posting it months later was better than never!

Being at a roller rink with half of her grade was not where Gigi wanted to be.

It was her best friend Jaida’s birthday, and she wanted to go roller skating to celebrate. Being fairly popular, she ended up inviting half of their grade to the party, and Gigi, who was not popular in the slightest, knew absolutely no one well enough to want to talk to and she didn’t want to change that.

However, that meant Gigi would spend most of the night by herself as Jaida went around the rink, talking to everyone. Of course, she didn’t blame Jaida, it wouldn’t make sense to invite so many people and then only hang around the redhead. It also didn’t mean that it didn’t suck.

The two arrived together, meaning that Jaida was her ride back home where they would have a sleepover, just the two of them. Just that made showing up to the big party worth it in Gigi’s opinion, but the minutes were dragging on so slowly. She would’ve been out skating to make the time pass faster, but Gigi was incredibly clumsy and could only stay upright for a maximum of twelve seconds. Skating was not her thing.

Sitting at the bar, Gigi’s eyes wandered from watching Jaida and Nicky skate around, to Rock making a fool of herself in front of Jackie and Jan, to two girls that Gigi didn’t think went to their school.

One was a taller brunette and the other was a slightly shorter girl who had curly black hair. Both of the girls were stunning, but Gigi couldn’t take her eyes off of the shorter girl. She was the prettiest girl the ginger had seen in a long time, and she wished they had the confidence to get up and (slowly and carefully) make her way over to her.

Gigi watched as the brunette slipped and fell after attempting to dance to the Dua Lipa song that was playing and instead of helping her friend up, the pretty girl stood there and laughed.

Her smile was so beautiful.

“Whatcha looking at, G?” Jaida’s voice scared the shit out of her, Gigi placed her hand over their heart as she turned to face her best friend.

“Those girls don’t go to our school, I was trying to figure out if they did. But they don’t!”

“Mhm. You should go talk to the one you think is cute.” Jaida always saw right through Gigi.

“Oh, fuck off. You know I won’t.” She rolled her eyes. Gigi was never one to just go up and start conversations with complete strangers, especially ones that she thought were cute.

“Anything is possible! You actually showed up even though I know you would rather be in bed right now.” Jaida reminded her.

“Of course I would go to my best friend’s birthday party! I’m not a monster.”

“I know! It just really means a lot that you showed up. I know being with large groups of people isn’t your cup of tea.”

“Anything for you, but I think Nicky is waiting for you at the soda machine.”

After trying to convince Gigi to get up and say hi to Nicky, Jaida went off to go see her friend by herself. Gigi pulled out her phone, deciding to see if any of the celebrities she followed on Instagram had posted anything within the two hours they had at the roller rink.

“Hiii,” a voice she didn’t recognize said, and Gigi looked up to see that the pretty girl with curly black hair was right in front of her.

“Oh! Hi,” Gigi let out a nervous giggle. The ginger always laughed when she was nervous and absolutely hated it.

“I saw you looking at me earlier, and my friend just ditched me for a questionable boy, so I’d thought I’d come and say hi. I’m Symone.”

What a gorgeous name.

“I’m Gigi. And where are they? The boy probably goes to my school.”

Symone pointed to where her friend was currently trying to dance with a guy Gigi had history with. “Yuck. Your friend better not hit it off with him. He’s gross.”

“Noted. Is there a school event going on or something?” She asked, looking around at the rest of Gigi’s classmates.

“Oh, it’s my best friend’s birthday. She invited like, half of our grade,” the redhead rambled on while Symone nodded, “I think you and your friend are the only people here who aren’t from school.”

Gigi was never up to talking to strangers, but they wanted to keep talking to Symone. Everything about her was perfect and they were not going to fuck it up by being cold.

Symone made her way to the empty seat next to Gigi, “It feels so nice to sit down. I’ve been on my feet all night.”

“You should definitely rest up then.”

“I haven’t seen you on the rink all night though, I’m starting to think that you don’t know how to skate.”

“So you were watching me too?” Gigi questioned, grinning.

“Yeah. You’re pretty cute, Strawberry Shortcake.”

Gigi didn’t know why, but she liked being called that. It wasn’t new or creative in the slightest, but it gave them butterflies. “You’re really pretty, too. But I don’t really know how to skate. Balancing is so hard!”

“Let me get a soda and then afterwards I can help you out?” The curly haired girl offered, and Gigi grinned.

“Sounds amazing.”

____________

Gigi and Symone did a little more than grabbing a soda. They ended up getting pizza too, and spent a little too long sitting there and chatting.

They might have only met Symone an hour prior, but they really liked her. She was kind and funny and actually seemed very interested in getting to know the redhead a little bit more. The darker girl was an extremely slow eater, so they were there for quite a while, engaging in small talk. They both were interested in fashion and hated boys, it was extremely refreshing for Gigi to meet someone that appeared to be similar to her.

When Symone finally finished up her pizza, she got up and reached out to grab the ginger’s hand. Gigi gladly accepted it, and together they made their way to the edge of the rink.

“Okay, I’m gonna let go of your hand and you’re going to try to balance.” Symone explained, and Gigi hesitantly let the girl take her manicured hand away.

They did not stay up for long. After a few seconds, they had to grab the half wall that separated the rink and cafeteria in order to stay upright. “This is hard!” Gigi yelped, blushing when she saw the amused look on Symone’s face.

“You’re not standing right. You’re putting all of your weight on your heel which is why you can’t stand up for very long.”

Gigi tried balancing their whole foot, and Symone adjusted their body so the ginger was leaning slightly forward. “Try that now. You should have an easier time balancing.”

Symone was right. Gigi had completed the first step of learning how to skate, something they probably wouldn’t have been able to figure out on their own.

“Okay, I think I’m ready to skate.”

“Hold onto me, Strawberry Shortcake. I don’t trust you to not fall quite yet,” Symone giggled, holding her hand out and waited for Gigi to grab it.

They went slow at first, carefully watching Gigi as they went around the rink. Halfway around they passed Jaida who was now skating with Dahlia, and Jaida nearly fell over seeing that Gigi had actually talked to the girl she thought was cute.

After two laps, the redhead was fairly confident in her ability to skate around without holding onto Symone; not that she would tell her that. Gigi was enjoying holding Symone’s hand and she did not want to let go anytime soon.

If the dark haired girl felt the same, she was definitely prioritizing teaching her new acquaintance (what were they? Gigi had no clue.) how to roller skate.

By their fourth lap, Symone was starting to catch on, “I don’t think you need my help anymore. I think you just want to hold my hand.”

Being called out flustered Gigi, but they were proud of what they responded, “Am I wrong for not wanting to let go of a pretty girl’s hand?”

Her new love interest pondered for a moment, “I guess you might have a point.”

____________

They ended up spending the rest of the night side by side, skating around and dancing to music. Gigi was much better at roller skating than they were a few hours prior.

Eventually, Symone’s friend made a reappearance and the people who showed up for Jaida’s party slowly started to empty the rink. Gigi knew that it was time to part ways.

��I had a lot of fun tonight. Maybe we could do it again sometime?”

“Depends. Will you pretend to be bad at skating so you have an excuse to hold my hand again?” Symone teased, getting out her phone and opening up the contacts app, pressing ‘new contact’ before handing it to the redhead.

“I’m never living that down, am I?” Gigi giggled, typing in her name and number into the phone that was now in her hand.

She shrugged, “I’m not complaining about someone as cute as you holding my hand, but I also found it amusing.”

After saying their goodbyes to Symone and her friend Rosy, Gigi made their way over to Jaida who was sitting at the bar, typing away on her phone.

“Hey, stranger.”

Their best friend looked up, smiling at them. “You had a lot of fun tonight, huh?”

“I really did. I’m really glad I came.”

Gigi couldn’t wait to see them again.

#rpdr fanfiction #gigi goode #symone #jaida essence hall #gigi x symone #lesbian au #high school au #fluff #rare pair #strawberry

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coccinelle-et-chaton · 5 years

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GATHER ‘ROUND CHILDREN IT’S TIME FOR SAD HEADCANONS!!!

DAY 1 POST-LOVEATER: STILL NOT OKAY o-kaaayy I literally woke up with A BUNCH of headcanons AND THEY’RE ALL EQUALLY SAD AND SOMETIMES PROBLEMATIC YEA AND IF I HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH ‘EM, YOU’LL SUFFER WITH ME

consider:

it takes a while but marinette finally accepts it: she is not okay

it highkey scares her because what if hawmoth akumatizes her

what if she’s not cut to be ladybug after all?

she doesn’t understand why but all of a sudden everything feels like it’s too much. And it shows.

People start noticing something’s going on with her but every time they ask, she gives them the same response. Small, pained smile, “I’m fine.”

it makes her uncomfortable that they are trying to protect her. No. That’s not the way this goes. They don’t understand. I’m the one who’s supposed to protect them. I’m the strong one. I’m--

And when she needs him the most, Master Fu is not around. When she needs him the most, Chat Noir is not answering her calls.

Her parents, Alya and Nino suspect it’s about Adrien dating Kagami.

Alya and Nino lose their shit when Adrien tells them him and Kagami have been trying to get her to hang out with them to cheer her up.

“Are you out of your goddamned MIND?” “Can’t you see you’re hurting her?” “If you were really her friends you would give her space!”

And Adrien is so confused. He thought friends should always hang out together? It makes him break a cold sweat that he cannot understand why he is hurting Mari. And when he asks, she says nothing.

“Don’t listen to them, Adrien. I’m fine.” “No. I can’t go with you and Kagami to get ice cream. Sorry.”

“Why is she evading me?” “What did I do wrong?”

Kagami is a different story. She... she gets it. Without explaining it to him, she suggests they should stop inviting Marinette to do things with them.

And Adrien is mortified. He does not understand what is going on. He doesn’t want to lose Marinette. But he’s scared to ask. Nino and Alya got angry. And Kagami surely would get angry too.

Alya and Nino walk on eggshells around her. It bothers Marinette.

She puts a stop to it.

One day, she simply starts sitting at the back of the room.

Everyone in the class notices, but they don’t say anything. They’re worried for her.

Lila makes some sly comment about “you’re not sitting next to your little friends today? maybe I’ll take your seat from now on.”

She looks Lila dead in the eye. “Go ahead, I don’t care.”

But Lila doesn’t take the seat. She’s scared of the way Marinette answered.

If he notices any change, Chat Noir doesn’t mention it. But he can tell. Ladybug is not the same. And it isn’t about him moving on from her. He can tell this thing runs deeper. It breaks his heart because he knows that, even though it’s not the main factor, he has something to do with the way she’s behaving.

And it’s not that he doesn’t want to help. No. He is worried about his lady. She will always be his lady. But he simply doesn’t know how to ask her without opening fresh wounds.

Her parents don’t know what to do anymore. Marinette simply doesn’t crack. They’ve talked to Alya. “Maybe she’ll talk to you, honey.”

But Marinette doesn’t pick up the phone, not even for Alya.

Tikki says it’s not good to isolate yourself in hard times.

“It’s for the best, Tikki. No one would understand.”

Every night she cries. That’s when she lets herself feel. And every night, it’s the same feeling: As if someone came to take her heart out apart and rip it in a million pieces. It hurts. It’s agonizing. It’s a pain she had never known.

And just when she feels at her lowest. Luka happens.

Luka, sweet Luka, who doesn’t know what kind of responsibilities weigh her down, but who doesn’t need to in order to understand that Mari needs someone who will listen, without saying a word.

He’s like a breath of air after spending too long under water.

“I shouldn’t cry like this. I-- I should be able to take it...”

“Everyone needs a friend once in a while. It’s okay.”

He doesn’t judge or ask. It’s the opposite of talking to Chat Noir.

Without revealing anything, Marinette explains why being Ladybug is so hard, the things the mask has taken from her. He never asks what exactly she means. If he suspects anything, he keeps his suspicions to himself.

They usually meet near the river just to talk. One day, he shows up with two bikes.

“What’s this?”

“A break from your responsibilities.”

Then he shows up with his guitar. “Another break.”

And tickets to the movies “A break.”

A picnic basket. “Let me guess, a break?”

Sometimes she has to leave because the “responsibilities” call conveniently when an akuma breaks out. Luka never says anything.

Slowly but surely, Marinette starts feeling better. Suddenly, the weight on her shoulders is not so heavy to carry. Slowly, she smiles again, laughs again. Responds again.

One day, she is sitting on a bench at school, waiting for Alya. When she arrives, Luka is already there. He told her some joke and she’s laughing, not knowing Alya watches them.

Marinette reaches to hold his hand and this is when she decides she’ll have lunch with Nino today.

She is relieved someone got through to her.

Adrien sees the exchange and his own reaction takes him aback. Why does this feel exactly the same way as when Ladybug would tell him there was another boy? Why does he feel like someone is taking a stab at his chest?

One day, Kagami and Adrien bump into Marinette and Luka. Luka had taken Marinette rollerskating along the Seine.

Adrien waves at them to call their attention, to have them approach.

Marinette waves hi at him as they go by, without stopping.

He feels awful. Why does this feel like a punch to the gut? Why does he suddenly wish it was him in Luka’s place? Kagami deserves better. Kagami makes him happy! They’re so similar, after all. Right? She does make me happy, right? Does she?

He brings it up to Nino.

“Dude. You’re my best friend. But can’t you realize how selfish you sound right now?”

“Selfish?”

“You broke Marinette’s heart and now she’s gotten over you all you can think about is that you want to be with her while you still have a girlfriend?!”

“That’s not what-- wait, what do you mean I broke her heart?”

“You strung her along, Adrien! Everybody saw how you treated her. Everybody knew she had a huge crush on you! Honestly, I thought you also had feelings for her. And then you date Kagami. Which is cool, it’s okay. But you can’t-- you can’t do this to her! To either of them. Could you just-- for the first time in your life think how you affect others?! A true friend will always put your well-being above what they want from you. Marinette did that for you. Why can’t you do the same?”

That night Adrien cries. Because something about the way Nino scolded him clicked. And once he saw what Nino meant, there was no way back. He understood, finally, what he had done to Marinette. What Marinette had done for him. But most importantly, he understood what he had been doing to Ladybug all this time.

He feels like a jerk. He feels unworthy of the ring. Unworthy of Nino’s friendship, and Marinette’s. And he realizes, it hurts. He realizes how exactly he loves Kagami, and how exactly he loves Marinette. And he realizes that Kagami deserves better. She deserves someone who will not take her as a consolation prize. She deserves someone who will love her the way Chat had loved Ladybug-- no. He doesn’t wish that to anybody. The way Chat loved Ladybug was conceited, and selfish, and possessive. Kagami deserves who will love her the way Luka loves Marinette. And that someone, as much as he tries, isn’t him. EDIT: Hey y’all, so this post keeps getting notes even after two years. Pretty cool :D I thought I’d tell you, I actually went on and wrote the fic for these headcanons. It’s called “The Wall Between Us” and you can find it on AO3. :)

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the-wintershade · 4 years

Text

— just like oil on my hands

pairing: sam wilson x f!reader x bucky barnes summary: you and sam having a myriad of bonding moments and the thought of falling for him becomes nearly unbearable, but, just when things get serious, there’s always something in the way. wc: 6.5k+ genre: flirting, good banter, heat, awkwardness and tension

Blue Shade: series — masterlist | 04

Sam makes sure to bring you to everything now. It’s as him disclosing his place of complete secrecy has opened up another side of him that you’ve never seen before. Dancing is more exciting, you laugh consistently when you’re together, and you meet up when class isn’t in session.

It’s as if the almost kiss was erased wholly from your memory.

You find out about his obsession with Marvin Gaye and the Trouble Man soundtrack. He’s got the whole album and listens to it almost everyday, but it took you a little bit to pry that slightly embarrassing detail from him.

“Oh, you must really like him.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty good.” He laughs into his coffee as you sit at the table you’ve officially decided to co-parent.

“To have over 300 listens to the same songs is pretty impressive considering that you only recently bought the whole album.” You wiggle your eyebrows and he tries his best to keep a straight face, sputtering into his drink. You grin at his momentary lapse in restraint.

“Well, like I said, Marvin Gaye is the best.” He watches you with a mirthful gaze and you squint your eyes at him, knowing there’s a part he’s not telling you.

“Well, Rachel knows that that’s only partially true.” You lean your head down and pretend that she’s agreeing with you, nodding your head enthusiastically. “That’s exactly right Rachel, he’s hiding something from us. He doesn’t love you like I do, Rachel.”

“Rachel, don’t listen to that. You know that I’ve been coming here consistently these past few weeks and we’ve been listening to the soundtrack together.” He folds his arms and leans back as if he’s won this battle. Ha.

“Everytime, huh?” You nonchalantly take a sip.

“Yep.” He purses his lips in triumph.

“Sounds like this is an everyday occurrence.”

“‘Cause it is.” He retorts and you point directly at him. He sputters through his drink, realizing he’s been caught, trying to scramble for a response.

“Ah—the truth finally comes out. He is legally insane.” You spread your arms in victory, sweet sweet victory. “He’s completely addicted to the soundtrack and cannot go a day without listening to it. Your honor, this case is officially closed; you have all of the evidence you need to convict this man.”

“You can’t prove that.” He chuckles, snatching his phone back to put it safely back in his pocket.

“If you were in love with Marvin Gaye, Sam, all you had to do was say the word.” You take a sip while grinning and he fakes annoyance and rolls his eyes before breaking down in laughter. You follow closely behind him.

…

He also takes you rollerskating. He tries to talk you through it and reassures you that it’s pretty easy. He just wasn’t aware that you used to hit the rink every Friday as a kid and although it’s been a while since you’ve gotten back on the rink, you used to be a pro.

This was going to be easy, but it wouldn’t be that hard to play a little prank on him.

He’d helped you lace your skates up tight enough that your ankles wouldn’t roll and you let him, pretending to be all dainty and unaware of the roller skating experience. You did enjoy taking his hands again as he hoisted you to your feet and held most of your weight, making sure you kept your balance.

He was extremely careful, walking you through the steps as you wobbled and shook heavily on phoney weak and unpracticed legs. His hands were strong and steady, a calming pulse about as soothing as his warm voice guiding you how to weave one foot in and out to create some speed.

“There you go, you got it.” His encouraging voice made you smile, a genuine display of teeth. Of course, it wasn’t because you were making small, fake steps of progress, but because he was willing to be patient with you as you moved through the steps. It made your heart soften and a warmth of pure adoration erupt in your core.

“I think I’m getting the hang of this.” Your legs shook violently and you pretended to stumble. He caught you, his hands gripping your forearms determinedly, not allowing you to even think of falling, drawing you into his strong chest.

He breathed a little slower, looking down at you with concern and laughter. “You alright?”

“Yeah.” You breathed shakily, laying your performance thick. “Let me try again.”

You stood up straight again and gently tugged against his hands. “I want to see if I can do it without you.”

“Okay, just be careful.” He didn’t look convinced that you could do it, but he slowly let go of you, keeping his hands out just in case you needed the security of them again. He made sure to stay close and you allowed yourself a small smirk at his protectiveness and concern.

You winked at him and spun around, taking off around the circle of the rink, sure that your legs and previous experience would be more than capable of supporting your own weight. You even ignored the stopper on the front and slowed your speed by dragging the side of your wheel.

His mouth hung open as you drifted right next to him, turning around to skate backwards. Then he let out a huff in disbelief. “You lied to me.”

“I thought it’d be a great opportunity to find out how good of a teacher you were.” You shrugged in false innocence and made sure to stay slightly out of his reach, even when he started to drift closer.

“And after I laced up your shoes, after I took all this time to walk you through all of the steps.”

“It was a nice added benefit.” You laughed.

“Oh, okay. I see how you wanna play this.” His eyes turned to something darker, losing the bright light they held and morphing into a deeper expression of humor and resolve.

You wasted no time in turning around and taking off, squealing as he rode fast on your heels. Giggles escaped you as his fingertips brushed against your clothing now and again. He eventually gained enough speed to pull you right next to him, forcing you to slow down and face him.

The vestiges of your laughter died down while you looked at him. He wasn’t mad at all. His chest heaved up and down, his teeth spread into a huge grin. “You’re not getting off that easily.”

The ensuing roller skating dance battle was epic.

…

“Keep up, Coffee girl. I saw the way you moved on those skates!” He called over his shoulder as he lapped you, the tall tower near the Lincoln Memorial loomed in the distance as you tried to catch up to him near the reflecting pool.

You huffed, your lungs squeezing with flame, and you struggled to take in air, your mouth crumbly and dry. You’d sweated through your exercise shirt and were about three seconds from passing out.

You should have expected this. Sam was in the military after all and it made sense that the regimen never really goes away that easily, but you hadn’t expected to get ran into the next century. Sure, you could move your way around roller skates, but the wheels did a lot more for you than you actually did for the skates. The running shoes you wore right now weren’t going to assist in keeping your pace. This was all manual labor.

And you hadn’t tried to run in years. Middle school P.E. was likely the last time you ever tried to pace yourself through a measly mile.

You saw him make his way around the halfway point and came to a stop, placing your hands tightly on your knees and taking in as much air as you possibly could in the moment. You closed your eyes, feeling the sweat creating small rivets down your neck and back, clinging to your hair and your clothes. You felt dirty, in deep need of a hot shower and three healthy gallons of water.

“On your left.” Sam huffed past you, but you kept your eyes closed and took in more air until you could feel like you would be able to form a response.

When you opened them, Sam was watching you with that mixture of mirth and worry. “You alright there?”

“Yeah,” You could barely speak the words, the syllables filled with air instead of the ringing of your vocal chords. “I’m okay. Just need a minute.” You closed your eyes again and took deep breaths until you could get your breathing under control.

You heard Sam tread over to you and crouch down in front of you. “Hey.” Your eyes peeled open slowly, and he was right there with a soft smile on his face. “Let’s take it slow.”

You nodded and stood up straight, ignoring the stabs of pain shooting through your side. Sam took his place beside you and started on what was undoubtedly a slow jog for him, but was a manageable pace for you. You ignored the pain, fighting to stay moving.

Sam didn’t treat you with pity or that you would crumble. He stayed right next to you, bringing up topics that you could bicker over or discuss to a deep enough degree to keep your mind off your jog. He was kind and supportive. He took breaks with you when you needed to stop and would slow your pace if you were beginning to struggle again.

He showed you time and time again that he was everything Bucky was not. He was giving you so many reasons why he was better. Why you should choose him.

And everytime, you thought you didn’t deserve him. He doesn’t deserve someone caught up in a relationship with someone else. The longer you dwelled on these thoughts, the sadder you became. A hole opened up, eating through your thoughts of him.

Because you wanted to be that supporting shoulder that he was for you, but you weren’t sure that would ever happen. By the time you got out, it might be too late for Sam. Besides, you had to prove that you weren’t boring, that you could be exciting too. That you could keep a man interested.

Sam picked up on your change in mood and slowed your pace even more. “What’s going on? Thinking about him, again?”

“No.” You shook your head and gave a sad smile. “Something else that’s more important.”

He nodded and smiled. “Well get your head out of the clouds, Coffee Girl. We got three more laps to do.”

You huffed in frustration and gave a sad attempt at a laugh. “People must really call you Falcon for good reason. You just fly around those corners don’t you?”

“You have no idea.”

...

Another day, another dance class. Sam spins you around as usual and dips you down, supporting you as you grab onto his arms. He whips you up and around with a flourish before pulling you back in, the both of you back to swaying to the beat. You let off a giggle as he wiggles his eyebrows at you.

You’ve all been learning choreography for the main dance that will take place pretty soon after the first dances. It’s been fun so far and everyone is picking everything up fast. It’s nice to feel like you’re part of something important.

It will all suck when he finally gets a replacement and he’ll get to dance with some other, more impressive girl. You just try to enjoy it all while you’re still here with him and he’s still willing to entertain your mess of a social life.

You and Natasha spin around each other, changing partners. Clint keeps you at a respectable distance while making sure you get your timing and steps right. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything important.” He grins as he spins you.

“Not at all.” You huff, twirling back to him as you glide around the dance floor. “I trust you and Natasha are having a good time?”

“As always.” He smirks and you dance in a good silence before it’s time to change partners again. “Have fun.” He wishes you with a subcurrent of intentional enthusiasm. You just laugh as he passes you back, Natasha’s red hair becoming a blur. You catch her eyes mid-turn and she winks at you. You grin back.

Sam catches you easily and pulls you back in, making sure you're comfortable before moving. You didn’t notice how close you normally stand while dancing, but the apparent gap between you and Clint made it that more clear. You’re nearly touching his chest and your toes are just a breath apart.

But it wasn’t unusual to you before. It’s comfortable, easy. You don’t bother to change it now, because you like it this way.

You shouldn’t.

But you do.

The instructor moves closer to you. “Great form. You make excellent partners.” She claps in excitement and you both grin abashedly at the direct attention. “I’ll bet you’ll be the next ones to get married.”

Your blood runs cold and your eyes widen involuntarily. The statement carries more weight than she probably intended, but the fact that you’re technically still bound to Bucky brings the world back into focus. Until you can get the current boyfriend situation figured out, there couldn’t be a you and Sam. Not permanently.

No matter what your heart wanted.

No matter how much that statement, as much as it took you off guard, excited you.

Sam sobered as much as you did and stopped moving entirely. He looked to you to gauge your reaction and when he saw your face open in shock, his own frowned, his light dying slightly. Then he steeled himself. “Depends on who catches the bouquet.”

She laughed and gestured for you to continue. You took a deep breath and looked up to him. You both didn’t say anything to each other, but you shared a look of deep understanding of how serious a statement like that was.

…

You step out at a beautiful building with glass doors and racks on racks of differing pants and shirts, ties and cuffs. It’s even more impressive inside. Sam waits for you in a chair outside of the dressing room.

“Hey.” You breathe watching him get to his feet and walk over to you.

“Thanks for coming.” He nods and glances over your outfit. It’s a casual glance, but it sparks a hum of electricity down your spine.

“Yeah, well, the bridesmaid’s were having a fitting and I’m not technically invited so it’s probably a good thing I’m here.” You shrugged, flipping your hair over your shoulder and he laughed richly, rolling his eyes at your show.

Sam shows you to your seat just inside the dressing room, leading you to a place with a good deal of mirrors and a pedestal for the model to stand on. You take a seat on the plush chair and scroll through some ambient notifications, catching up on social media, and sending a few text messages.

Sam asked you a few days ago if you’d come be “quality control” over his choice for a suit. The only stipulation that Steve put on his groomsmen is that the suit needs to be white. It seemed oddly out of character for a man that appeared traditional and old fashioned, but you welcomed the change. You’d heard the bridesmaid dresses were going to be red instead of the pale pink that was usually encouraged. But then again, Peggy did rock a red lip better than anyone else you knew; you had no doubt that her lip color of choice influenced her decision.

Why Sam really needed your help, eluded you. He was a perfectly capable man that was more than equipped to make his own choices and could definitely shop for himself, but you weren’t complaining. He was getting you out of a ridiculous dinner date with Bucky and whatever other work friend he was so hellbent on impressing. Not being there gave you all the energy you needed to focus.

When Sam steps out, your breath catches in your throat. He waves his arms out, letting you see the white suit in action as he spins around. He adjusts his red tie in the mirror before looking back at you. “What do you think?”

You can’t form words. Your brain is having a hard time catching up to what’s going through your mind. How handsome he looks, how the suit is fitted perfectly, how he looks outstanding and beautiful. It’s like you’re back at the boardwalk again.

The white stands out starkly against his chocolate skin and makes it even more heavenly. It’s like white was his color. The only one he should wear for the rest of his life.

“It looks fantastic on you…” Your mouth still hangs open as you speak and it takes effort to control your eyes, keeping them at a normal wideness. You know your tone is dreamy and slightly slurred, but you can’t help it. “You-You look amazing.”

Sam just stares.

“You like?” The tailor flutters around him, adjusting his suit jacket and his pants. It wouldn’t matter if the suit was ill-fitted. He’d still look fantastic and your breath would still have suddenly disappeared from your body.

You nodded absentmindedly, drifting closer to get a good inspection of him. Your fingers reached for his tie, fiddling with it in your grasp and feeling the soft, silken texture. He froze completely now, just watching you adjust his slightly crooked tie. You straightened it.

“Well, good thing quality control was here to fix it for you.” You breathed out, softly chuckling at the end. It helped cover up some of your nerves. Your fingers shook as you kept your hands closed.

His smile was delayed by a good few seconds, but it was followed by a timid laugh, shallow and not a deep as you were used to. He must have felt the same jittery anxiety that you were.

You knew the reasons that you felt this way, but his were even more muddy and less clear.

“You know how these things work, Coffee Girl?” His voice was low, but took on a light and joking tone as he gestured to the tie.

You shook your head with a smirk. “Yes, bell bottoms, I know how to tie a tie properly.”

His following laugh was covered in nerves. He then lowered his eyes so that they were almost leveled with yours, all dark and warming. A fire ignited someone near your core at his gaze. “You don’t have to worry about my tie so much.”

You cleared your throat and turned him around, letting him get a good observation of himself in the mirror. You let your hands linger on his shoulders for a second longer than necessary, feeling the strength of his arms underneath his suit.

The tailor hums in approval. “Yes. Very good. Doesn’t he look good to you?”

The question was a bit more direct than you were prepared for and you sputtered for a second, Sam’s eyes catching yours in the mirror and sending another wave of fresh nervousness pulsing through your system. “Uh, yeah. I guess.” You want to slam your head into the nearest wall. What was that response?

You scratch the back of your head and step out of the way of his continuing adjustments. “No need for bashfulness. I can see the way you look at him.” He flashes a dazzling smile your way as you pointedly duck Sam’s inquiring eyes.

There’s not a response in the world that would be able to fix the conversation or steer it onto a path that would allow you to be honest while ignoring the feelings inside of your chest. You’re really in it now.

You just settle for an, “oh”, as you turn and resume your place on the chair, far out of the reach of touching Sam and away from the tailor’s focused stare.

It’s not the answer that the tailor was expecting and he must have picked up on the growing tension and awkwardness in the room. He weaves around the lapse in conversation like it’s nothing, quickly asking another slightly personal question that’s only that much harder to answer with certainty.

“You two are going to the wedding together, right?” Sam catches your eyes in the mirror and the pressure of a response once again falls on you. You have no idea how to answer this question correctly. It doesn’t seem like Sam has anyone else in mind, but your spot hasn’t been solidified for sure.

Plus, Sam’s looking like he wants you to say yes. Like he knows that there’s no one else, but he wants you to agree, to confirm that you’d be willing to go with him.

You try somewhere in the middle, hoping to not to give anything away.

“We’re dance partners right now, at least until his date can step in.” Sam’s face falls half an inch and he looks away. The tailor doesn’t notice, nor does he catch how instantly you deflate.

He just hums and pauses, watching Sam for a reaction.

Sam shrugs, turning his focus all on the business of tailoring his suit. “More or less.” He concedes.

“The woman that comes to see the tuxedo is always the one that goes to the wedding.” The tailor winks and returns to adding pins where the suit needs material eliminated. Your face still feels heavy and you feel guilty, like you gave a wrong answer on a test.

You stand then, determined to find something else to do to take your mind off of overanalyzing the situation at hand. “I’ll be over here.” You point at the racks near the back of the store full of dress shirts.

You meet Sam’s eyes in the mirror and see all traces of hurt or disappointment are gone. He just smirks at you and nods. You return it the best you can, going over to see what shirts would look good on Bucky, but your heart isn’t in it. It probably wasn’t in it for some time now.

But if you could just prove to Buckty that you could be interesting, then maybe you’d finally be interesting enough for someone else. Maybe you would be good enough for Sam.

You shook your head sadly to yourself.

You could live millions of lifetimes and still never deserve him. He needed someone that wasn’t caught up with someone else or preoccupied with improving herself. He needed someone that knew who she was. You weren’t there yet.

…

“Thank you.” He brushes against your shoulder as he says it. It could be written off as accidental, you do have to be close together on the sidewalk to avoid getting pushed over, but it’s a bit too firm for that to really be the case. His tone is low and courteous. “I’m sorry the tailor was so curious. He likes to keep the conversation going so that it doesn’t become awkward. He has a habit of asking personal questions.”

You smile to yourself and try to ignore how easy it would be to reach out and take his hand. These thoughts are fickle and dangerous. It’s becoming harder and harder not to do the thing you shouldn’t be doing. “It’s not a big deal, Sam, really.”

He cocks his head to the side at your use of Sam. He doesn’t comment on it though and you walk side by side through the streets. At times, he gets a little ahead of you to warn off some of the people that are beginning to get too close for his liking. It’s like he’s creating a path for you.

Then his walk changes; it carries an agitation that it didn’t before. Something’s weighing on his mind. “What’s wrong?” You ask nonchalantly, but know that he’ll recognize you picked up on his subtle changes in body language.

He looks down as you come to a pause at a red light. He searches around the street before he looks at you, taking a deep breath. Your anxiety raises at his hesitation. “I have a preposition for you, Coffee Girl.”

He looks straight at you now and that responding jolt spreads through you again, like it always does now. You try to ignore it as you look right back at him. “Shoot.” You step near him and narrow your eyes, like he’s a criminal spilling his master plan.

He laughs and you breathe a bit better. It’s not too bad if he’s willing to crack a smile at your approach. “What if...I never got a date to replace you? What if you went with me?”

His eyes look so pure and pleading now, it’s hard to look away. But you take a few steps back because you shouldn’t be so excited at the notion of going with him at all. This electricity is wrong, but it’s still happening, regardless of what’s going on in your life right now.

Sam sees the war happening all on your face and tries to backpedal. “Sorry if that was abrupt. If you’re uncomfortable, I can find someone else...”

“No, I want to go.” You fire back the response fast and his shoulders stop climbing, like a weight has been lifted off of them. “I just think I should talk to Bucky first.” And you should, he doesn’t know that he didn’t get another partner and Bucky is your significant other. If you’re going to a wedding with another man, it would be right to let him know about it.

“Okay, so,” He leans in a bit further than necessary, but you let him. You like being in his space. You like being close to him. “If that conversation goes well, you’ll come with me?” His eyes twinkle with hope and you blush at how open it all is. He’s letting you see that, whether he wanted you to or not.

You pretend to think about it, raising your hand dramatically to your chin and stroking it with finesse and refinement. You tilt your nose to sky to emphasize the deepness and complexity of thought that should be going through your mind right now. The pro and cons, the good parts and bad parts of the conversation that you’re going to have to have with Bucky, but it’s all absent. You already know your answer. You knew when he asked.

“Yes, bell bottoms, I’ll go with you.”

…

A day later, you’re knocking on Sam’s door, standing outside pacing to yourself after getting a cryptic text message about getting some extra practice before the rehearsal dinner tomorrow. You don’t really know what’s going through his head, your moves are fine and you’ve both got the steps down to a science, extra practice shouldn’t really be a problem.

But you knew what jitters felt like and you could understand wanting to do it one more time to calm your nerves. Your heart rate flew and a tingling sensation lingered in your fingers and your stomach.

Sam swings the door open, a pleasant smile on his face and a glimmer wafting behind his chocolate eyes.“Come on in.”

His living room is illuminated by soft candle light and the golden glow from a floor lamp. Another Marvin Gaye song echoes gently around the space, its place of origin a boombox on his countertop. You wonder if this is a passtime or if this was something more special. You hope it’s more special.

“Woah, you didn’t tell me you were an interior decorator, bell bottoms.” You’re so in awe of your surroundings, you missed that he’s standing right next to you.

“Are you ever going to let the teasing over the Trouble Man album go?” You smirk at him as you turn, eyes squinted and goading.

“Where do you think the bell bottoms nick-name came from?” You bump his shoulder with yours, but he doesn’t move away or create space when you do; he makes sure to stay just close enough to keep your arms in contact.

“Uh huh.” He hums deep from the core. It sends a buzz through you and you fight down a blush. Then he moves, spreading his arms and taking a few steps back. “Shall we or is this too old-fashioned for your liking?”

You roll your eyes and place your hand firmly in his, putting your trust in him once again, knowing that he won’t let you down. He draws you in, your breath thinning out at the proximity. It’s becoming more tolerable now and doesn’t throw you off as much as it used to, losing your breathing rhythm around him. It calms you down, helps you focus.

He’s eyes are dark and alluring as he watches you, adjusting his positioning until he’s satisfied that you’re comfortable. “Are we going to be letting Mr. Gaye sing us through this one?” You inquire in faux innocence and watch as his face twists into a humorous disdain.

“You, Ms. (last name), need exposure to real music.” He takes a step which you take with him, already knowing where he’s going from here as you begin the spins at a slightly faster pace than you’re used to in order to keep up with the beat.

“Real music, huh?” He spins you outward before drawing you back close in again, another jolt shooting through your blood.

“Yes.” He says it with a seriousness that silences you, but then he’s all smiles and smirks again and you wonder what you were expecting from a man with the nickname of Falcon. “Now just listen.”

“I’ll try.” You sway together, waiting for your cue before the next performance of turns and spins occur. You like this. You like his warm hands and eyes and glowing personality. How you can relax around him and not feel like you have to watch everything you say. How you fit together, like two halves of a charm that only fit around each other.

You close your eyes and listen, catching a few lines before you’re twirling away from him in a mix of gold and brown.

Yeah, darling you're not wasting my time What I see baby is so hard to find

…

A lightheadedness from all the dancing put a pause on your swaying session and giggle marathon. There were numerous times that you had to completely redo moves from laughing so hard. You almost fell over each other at times.

A funny spasm moved through your chest as you leaned your neck against the back of his sofa, trying to cool off while Sam brought water over. He placed the glass in your hand, a stark contrast from the warmth that he always pulsed into your skin.

You thanked him before drinking a bit, nodding along to another soft Marvin Gaye song in the background. You felt him watching you as he sat next to you, downing half of his glass. “Never met someone who likes Marvin Gaye so much for a person who claims they don’t like old music.” He smirked knowing over at you.

You shooed him with your hand. “I never said I didn’t like old music; I just mention and frequently tease you about your addiction to the music from the 70s. That’s got nothing to do with the quality of the music.”

Sam grins widely as he goes to get another sip of water before setting the glass down and smiling. You cup your drink in your hand, letting the coolness of the glass keep your body temperature lowered.

He leans back, sighing with happiness and you can’t help the small smile of happiness that spreads across your cheeks at his contentment. He’s infectious. “You know, I haven’t had this much fun in a while, thank you for coming.”

You let your head roll back as you look over to him. “Me neither. Thanks for being such a gracious host.”

His grins at your goofy head angle and weirdly moving eyebrows. Then he looks down and sobers up, his face losing some of the glow it already had. You sit up. Something’s coming, you can feel it.

You set your glass down and lean forward. “Did you ask him yet?” He doesn’t look at you, even when you stare at him for a minute before responding. You wish he would. You just need him to look so you can know what he’s feeling.

You hate putting him here. You hate that Bucky’s such a problem between you two.

You sigh and run your fingers through your hair, angling your body away from him. You don’t want him to feel like you’re pressuring him to accept the response you’re going to give him. “No. He’s out of town right now. He has been for a day or two.”

Sam narrows his eyes and fixes you with a hard stare, his tone ice compared to his smooth and gentle character. “He’s gone a lot for someone who loves to watch your every move.”

“Oh, he’s cheating. But then again it was never really official to begin with.” Sam’s eyes bug out of his head, but you know better than to take that at face value. He already knew. He’s just trying to act shocked for your sake.

“He what?” His voice sounds dumbstruck, but it’s still not enough to fool you.

“You don’t have to pretend to be surprised. I know you know.” You reached down to take another sip of your drink and let the liquid cool you down, slow down your brain so you could give clear answers that weren’t riddled with anger.

Sam sits for a moment watching you. He sighs, looks away, and then turns towards you. His jaw works and no words come out so you fill the silence.

“I’m just waiting. I think this will go away at some point. I’m just trying to be more interesting and exciting. I think that��s why I lost him the last time.” You fiddle with your pants to keep from facing Sam’s pointed stare.

“So dancing with me is just to be more interesting?” He sounds hurt and starts to turn away, but you catch him.

“No.” You make sure that’s firm and look directly at him as you say the word. He freezes in place and has to look away. “I’m dancing with you because that was genuinely something I was interested in doing. That had nothing with trying to make him jealous or trying to get him back, that was completely my own choosing.”

He had to understand, this whole thing had nothing to do with Bucky. It had everything to do with your choice and what you wanted to do. It wasn’t something you felt like you had to do to win Bucky back. You wanted this.

Sam doesn’t seem completely convinced. You scoot closer and place a delicate hand on his shoulder, squeezing it to get him to look at you. His eyes cut, but you’re determined to make him understand. To make him believe you. “Do you think I would still be here if I didn’t choose this. If this was my strategy, obviously it’s doing nothing to get him back and it would be in my best interest to leave, right? Why am I still going to classes and hanging with you if I didn’t want to be here?”

He nods and you breathe out a breath you weren’t aware you were holding. You start to let your hand fall from his shoulder, but he catches it, pulling it closer to his chest and drawing your eyes to his sad and pleading gaze. “You deserve better.” He utters it softly and an emotional wall breaks at his words.

You feel tears start to form near your eyes. It’s been so long since you’ve heard someone tell you that you’re worth more than what you’re in. You have to look away, too caught in his eyes and the way that walls are starting to come down.

You take a breath and when you’re sure that there are no traces of sadness or pain, you gently draw your hand and it hurts. You don’t want to pull back, but you have to do the right thing. You have to do what’s right, even when it’s the most painful thing you could do.

“I think I should go,” You stand and Sam jumps up inhumanly fast before you, slightly blocking a straight shot to the door. You don’t feel trapped, more like he doesn’t want you to leave. “I don’t want you to feel any worse about the situation.”

“Wait.” He says in a soft whisper. He takes your hand again, slowly, curling your fingers together delicately. “Just one more dance.”

Sam doesn’t let your hand go as he clicks to another song, a sweet and simple guitar and vocal combination filling the room. He rests his hand on your hip, his warmth bleeding through the fabric of your shirt, tucks you close to him, and sets you to a sway.

You don’t perform any of the moves you’ve learned in class, no waltzes or spins, just you and him and a beat.

Eventually, from enough courage and fatigue catching up with you, you lean your head against his chest, wrapping your free arm around his torso and listening to his fast but steady heartbeat. You feel his head dip down to lean where your head lays, a hand splaying on your back to curl you into him. The tears almost well up again, but you just close your eyes and feel him, concentrating on his closeness and the caring way he responds to you.

Just like a song in my heart

A hand on your cheek pulls you back and your gaze flashes up to his, a deep fire simmering in your chest reflected in his eyes. You can feel the kiss coming this time and you know you’re not strong enough to resist it. You close your eyes and tense, waiting for his lips to meet yours.

But they never do.

Instead, a soft kiss presses against your temple and lingers.

When you open your eyes, your heart almost breaks from his open eyes and the adoration and sorrow in them. You hope he can see how sorry you are. Maybe in another place in a different time. It’s the only thing you can trust to do, silent communication. Anything else, and you’ll completely crumble.

Sam presses an invitation into your hand. Come, his eyes say and you smile and tuck it into your pocket for safekeeping.

The song ends bittersweetly and Sam walks you to the door, still holding your hand tightly in his. You stand on your tippy toes, the kiss still warm and pulsing from your forehead. He begins to lean down, knowing what’s coming and eager to make it easier for you. Just when you’re about to give him another kiss on the cheek, you get a text.

Bucky: It’s done. I broke up with her. You’re the one for me

Just like oil on my hands.

#wintershade #sam wilson #sam wilson x reader #blue shade #sam wilson fanfic #sam wilson fanfiction #ms:blue shade #sam:blue shade #this is probably my favorite part #besides the next one #we love some good fluff and pure hearted interactions

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starstruck-xavier · 4 years

Text

Rollerskating With A Prince

i got this out in time!! i have a lot of angsty ones in the works but this is a more light-hearted one because i’m craving some soft boys, i hope you like it <333

ao3 || wattpad || fanfic masterpost || main masterpost

words: 2313 ships: prinxiety (up to your interpretation though) warnings: mentions of anxiety medication (but in a positive way!)

summary: Roman creates a roller rink in the imagination, and he spends some quality time with Virgil to help him destress.

Virgil’s fight-or-flight reflexes are starting to kick in.

When Roman burst into the common room of the mind palace the previous day and announced that he’d made a rollerskating rink in the imagination (before immediately passing out, because he just conjured an entire rollerskating rink), mixed reactions were passed between Virgil, Patton and Logan. Patton was excited to try, but sheepishly admitted that he had a hunch he’d be terrible on wheels. Logan decided that the last trip he made into the imagination was stressful enough and that he had planning to do, anyway. Virgil… well. He didn’t know if he was really up for it, but if Roman expended all of his energy just to make a skating rink, it had to mean something to him if someone else was willing to skate with him. As the anxious trait sat on the floor next to Roman’s unconscious form, keeping him company, he thought about all the things that could go wrong.

First off, Virgil has never tried rollerskating in all of Thomas’ life. Sure, Thomas had skated before, but all Virgil did was flinch violently and yell from the mind palace couch every time he stumbled. It seemed that Patton and Roman had fun, so the memories in Thomas’ mind are positive, but not even Logan’s reasoning about how difficult it is to fall if you lean forwards could calm the nerves. It would be even more nerve-wracking for Virgil if he was the one in those skates. Secondly, thinking back on Thomas’ rollerskating experience, the music was far too loud and the lights were just a little too flashy. If Roman had replicated this rink since it’s the only one Thomas is familiar with, the atmosphere would just give him a horrible headache. Thirdly, Virgil just knew he’d be bad on wheels. Logan had previously pointed out his bad posture which likely stemmed from his awkward sleeping positions, the way he never sits in a chair properly or how he hunches in on himself when he’s too nervous, trying to make himself as small as possible. In addition, he tends to flinch backwards from things, and if he knows anything about rollerskating, it’s that leaning backwards equals instant death. Perhaps not death, but it feels like it! The nervous side sighed, his breath lightly touching Roman’s fringe.

"Are you okay, kiddo?” Patton’s voice made him jump; he twisted around to see the paternal trait setting a glass of water on the nearby table. "Oh, I'm sorry for scaring you, bud. You just look a little nervous.” he sat down to face Virgil, on the other side of Roman.

"Oh, I'm okay.” Virgil only half lied, but noticed how Patton seemed to catch onto it. “I'm thinking about it. Rollerskating. I might try it, but you remember how I was when Thomas did it.” He laughed nervously, pulling at his jacket sleeves.

"You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Virgil.” Logan’s voice caused him to flinch once again. He’d forgotten that he was still there, leaning into the arm of the couch closest to Roman. “I'd recommend it even less if you’re already feeling jumpy.”

Virgil took a deep breath to clear some of the anxiousness from his head. "I might be fine once Roman comes back around. Besides… I want to.” He looked down at Roman’s peaceful expression. "It might make me less terrified for when Thomas does it again, if it goes well.”

“I'm sure it will, Virge.” Patton smiled encouragingly. “Roman always makes sure we’re safe when we go into the imagination, right?” From the couch, Logan hummed in agreement. Virgil nodded.

“I'll try it once Roman’s recovered.”

Once Roman did begin to stir, Patton handed him the glass of water he’d poured for him while Logan encouraged him to not immediately rush back to the imagination to skate, instead allowing him to pick a movie to watch before going to bed. It was only him and Virgil watching, though, as the other two decided to call it an early night. It had been an exciting day; Patton was all tuckered out while Logan was ready to secure these long term memories for Thomas before resting. Virgil wasn’t feeling sleepy, and he wanted to watch Tangled, so he sunk into the couch with Roman as the title screen began to play.

"I get that you can conjure a lot of stuff, but did you really have to use all your energy to build the entire rink at once?” He looked over at Roman, observing his awake yet still tired looking form.

"Okay, so I may have gotten a little too excited.” Roman laughed. "I thought I was able to handle it, anyway. I felt fine when I got back!”

"Until you passed out.” Virgil added, a smirk tugging at his lips.

"Until I passed out. But, hey, it’s all done and I think it was worth it! What do you say about joining me tomorrow, Stormcloud?”

"I— I mean,” Virgil felt the nervousness building up again, even though he’d basically sealed his own fate by telling Logan and Patton that he’d do it. "I want to, but don’t expect me to be any good at it.”

Roman grinned excitedly. "That’s okay! I can teach you. Don’t worry about it, it’s super easy.”

"You just told Thomas’ anxiety not to worry.” Virgil tried to bite back his playful smile. "But, yeah. I'll try.”

And now here he is, the next day.

Virgil has to admit he’s shaking, just a little bit. The rink looks similar to the one Thomas had visited before, but Roman is considerate enough to play soft Disney tunes at a very low volume and light up the place to suit Virgil’s needs. It doesn’t entirely calm his anxiety, though. He sits on one of the benches which surrounds the skating area, rolling his black and purple skates back and forth, reminding himself of the breathing techniques he’d learned.

"Whoa there, Thundercloud. You’re practically vibrating.” Roman sits next to him and places his own white and gold skates on the floor. "It’s gonna be okay. We can stop whenever you want to.” He holds his hand out as a comfort offering, but rather than just taking it, Virgil finds himself slumping into Roman’s side entirely.

“I'm just nervous.” Virgil’s voice hikes up an octave, only proving his understatement further. Roman smiles sympathetically and runs his hand up and down his back smoothly.

"And that’s completely understandable, but there’s no need to be. Once you’ve made it around a few times it just gets easier and easier.” Roman speaks soothingly. "You can hold onto me as long as you need.”

Virgil straightens up again as Roman bends down to put on his skates. He continues to roll his own skates around, trying not to focus on how easily the wheels go across the ground. Inhaling slowly, he looks up at the rink. At least there are half-walls to hold onto. It isn’t long, though, until Roman stands up without so much as a stumble on his wheels and offers his hands to Virgil.

"My fight-or-flight reflexes are starting to kick in.” The anxious trait mutters, pulling himself up slowly and holding onto Roman like a lifeline.

"Just relax, Virge. Here,” The prince holds Virgil tight around his waist with one arm. "You can hold onto the wall. I'm gonna teach you the form.”

Virgil grips the wall and lets Roman pull him along to the rink entrance. "Form?”

"Yeah. Since it’s your first time, just try walking like you normally would.” Roman imitates what he said by lifting up his skates with each step. "C’mon, you can’t just let me pull you around the whole time.” His voice takes on a teasing tone, squeezing him ever so slightly to remind him that he’s not going to fall. "You can do it, I've got you.”

"Uh-huh,” Virgil begins to walk with Roman, seeming slightly more at ease when he doesn’t immediately fall and die (a little overdramatic of him, but that’s how he feels in the moment). As they approach the rink entrance he is at least walking, even if he still holds onto the wall and hunches into himself protectively. Roman, on the other hand, stands as tall and regal as usual, having no problem with the skates at all. "How are you so good at this?” Virgil breathes, exasperated.

Roman smiles fondly as he leads Virgil into the rink itself, beginning to pick up the pace just slightly as he lets Virgil be closest to the wall. “I've skated before, on ballroom floors and the like, but never a roller rink. I did that quite a few times, actually, until it occurred to me that I could make a place that’s specifically designed for skating.” He starts to skate a little faster, causing Virgil to yelp and tighten his grip on him.

"Wh— Why are we going faster?!” Virgil stills the movement of his legs in a brief spike of panic, which causes another moment of him just being wheeled around by the prince. Although, he can’t say he doesn’t like it.

"We’re not even going that fast, Sunshine!” Roman smirks, earning a scoff from Virgil. "It gets easier to push yourself forward when you’re going faster. Here, lean forward and push your skates outwards, like this.” He replicates the movement, watching as Virgil’s skates begin to move in a similar fashion. "You’ll move from side to side, that’s how you actually skate.”

They only slow to turn a corner together. Virgil still grips tightly onto the wall, but the tension leaves his shoulders and his movements seem less shaky, while Roman keeps a comfortable speed for him. Eventually they reach a small box-like seating area by the wall, placed so that it’d be awkward to hold onto the wall while going around it, so Virgil feels a small spike of nervousness. However, Roman senses this and slows to a halt by the seating area to allow Virgil to sit.

The nervous trait breathes a sigh of relief as he shifts his weight off the wheels. "That went… better than I thought it would.” He looks up at Roman, who’s still standing with a perfect form.

"Certainly!” Roman praises him, brushing his fringe out of his eyes. "I think you’ll learn fairly quickly, Virge. You can take a rest if you want, I'm just gonna skate around a few times.”

Virgil brings his legs up onto the box to cross them as Roman glides away. The prince leans forward to propel himself further, very quickly finding himself at the other side of the rink. With a flourish, he spins around a few times for dramatic effect before continuing around the edge. He flashes a smile at Virgil when he passes the box again, making him chuckle at his theatrics. After a minute of watching, Virgil uncrosses his legs and places his wheels back on the floor again.

"Ready for round two?” Roman slows to a halt and sits next to Virgil.

He nods. "I don’t think I'm feeling as nervous this time around.”

"That’s exactly what I wanna hear.” Roman smiles warmly. "I hoped something new and exciting would help you to relieve some of the stress you’ve been feeling lately.”

"Oh?” Virgil tilts his head curiously, but then remembers that these past few weeks haven’t been the best for him. There was a delay when Thomas had to get his medication refilled and so there were a couple of days where the anxious side felt too jittery, disoriented, unable to focus on anything. His memories of being in that state are hazy as he’d spent most of the time trying to sleep (though more often than not his dreams transformed into nightmares), but the relief he felt along with everyone else when Thomas got to take his meds again is definitely something to remember. He hums thoughtfully. "Yeah, I didn’t have the best time last week. But, despite the anxiety I felt before, I feel…” His eyes meet with Roman’s for a moment. "I feel better. Thank you for doing this, Princey.”

A look of pride colours Roman’s features, the kind of look that a child has when they really impress their parents, one of awe, something amazing looking that fills Virgil with warmth. He can see now, how much the creative trait has really put into this place to make him feel at ease. The soft Disney tunes have transitioned into those lo-fi beats that Virgil always loves to listen to when he can’t sleep, and the lights are as soft as ever, bright enough to be able to see the entire rink but not harsh on the eyes at all. Then, he notices the colour scheme. There’s white and gold patterns on the floor and the half-wall, but the ceiling and main walls are black with swirls of purple, making the place look contrasted but also all the more mesmerising.

Roman created this place just for the two of them.

The prince follows Virgil’s gaze as a giddy happiness builds up in his ribcage, intensifying his grin, then eventually he pushes himself up to a stand again and reaches out his hands to hold onto the emo’s sweater paws. "Let’s perfect your form, and then we can see if you can let go of the wall.”

They would then make a few more rounds around the rink, stop to rest for a few minutes, and repeat the process for a few hours at least. By the time they’ve both tired themselves out, they’re leaning into each other’s bodies on one of the benches outside the rink, just enjoying each other’s company, and Virgil’s never felt more relaxed from something that he thought would always terrify him.

This could become a regular thing.

#xavier's fanfiction #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #prinxiety #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #ts virgil #ts roman #ts patton #ts logan #character thomas mentioned #medication mention #virgil x roman #roman x virgil #sanders sides fanfic

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haroomata · 4 years

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she cheated masterpost

hello. my name is Marisol. Her name is Mariela (she hates it, so I’m not gonna call her “Nat”, she’s going to be Mariela :) ) Mariela is calling me a liar when she knows damn well what she did. so, I’m gonna tell the full story. it’s a long one. buckle up. I met Mariela when I was 16 years old. I fell in love with her immediately. we are 21 now, and a lot has changed between the two of us. We went from the closest friends to lovers to literal enemies. I divided everything in sections so you can read about the ones you prefer uwu.

The toxic

· We did not have personalities of our own. What I liked, she immediately liked. What she did, I did. If I was obsessed with MCR or Placebo, she was obsessed too. If she got a hobby like rollerskating, I did the same. We wanted to be as close as possible.

· I did not have friends of my own. She did not let me. She was my only friend for years. Then I met my goth friend Nefee. We had an instant connection. It drove her crazy. She was super jealous and told me so. She would cry about it. I didn’t understand why. She probably thought I was going to leave her for Nefee, but then she was the one who… yknow. So, she started copying my friends Nefee goth style, the way she copied my music and movies and tv show tastes. Whatever. She befriended Nefee, because her jealousy drove her crazy. My other friend, ill call him N. We were friends since middle school. I tried reuniting him by my own. Cause I wanted to catch up about everything. She obviously got off work as soon as possible and went to our reunion because again, jealous af. She did the same thing with Nefee and befriended N.

· This year we fought. Like a lot. Like A LOT. We would shout and cry and it was awful. When I had emotional breakdowns, she would pull my arm or shoulder tight to the point it hurt, and I told her multiple times: don’t do that. It scares me. It brings me bad memories of people hurting me. She said she understood. She kept doing it.

· When we were in our worse times, we would post on insta like we were more in love than ever before. It gave us validation. It made us think yeah, we ARE cute together, yeah this is correct we should be together even though we were miserable.

· Again, no lives of our own. For example, I opened this Tumblr to talk about my depression and suicidal thoughts. I told her, yes, I have a Tumblr, but its super personal, don’t read it. Because I had posted stuff about my sexual abuse and my suicide plans. She said she wouldn’t. She searched it and read all my posts. It was obvious too, because if I posted something like, I love The Cure or Winona Rider pics, she started doing the same. I confronted her about it. Asked her why she did that when she promised she wouldn’t. Cause again, I did not need her to know I was depressed or that I was raped or stuff like that. More fighting ensues, I reveal to her that I want to kill myself. Pure insanity. Horrible night. She apologizes. Whatever.

· When I started dealing with anorexia, it hurt me a lot. I did not want to tell her about it. She knew I had weight issues, but no more than that. I did not want her to know. I later found out she was posting proana things. And it destroyed me. I almost broke up with her. Not gonna reveal what she told me, but basically, I was like oh god, because my dr had diagnosed me with an ED. I begged her to see a psychologist about the issues she was having, instead of self-diagnosing and posting proana things, because that hurt me. She started going. Then just stopped. And like, when I started going to a psychiatrist, she started going to a psychiatrist too. If one had a problem, the other did too. Similar diagnoses and everything. We were literally terrible together. Unstable and insane. Both of us.

· We were terribly unhappy this year. Not much to say about that. Just miserable.

2018: First time at psychiatric hospital, depression and diagnoses

· She supported me like no one else, ill give her that. She skipped work to see me and shit. I would send her secret letters through my family members because I couldn’t see her. We still loved each other dearly.

· She supported me through all my diagnoses. Even when new ones started developing.

2019: When I realized something weird was happening

It all starts with her suddenly becoming distant. I thought there was something wrong with me. I didn’t understand anything. I didn’t understand why

a) She rarely kissed me, she started to stop having sex with me

b) She was always tired, didn’t want to go out almost ever

c) I proposed to her, she said yes. Then weeks later changed it to a no.

d) She hated her job but refused to quit because there were “friends there” (will talk about said “friends” in a second).

e) She wanted to move out, because we lived together. I told her, ill go with you. She didn’t want to as much as I begged.

f) She was just distant.

g) I would text her and tell her I loved her, and she was just distant.

h) She started to look for an apartment. Said she didn’t want to be a burden for our family anymore. I begged her to stay. She said no. Then we took a “break”. Since I knew she wanted to move out and could tell she didn’t feel as close to me anymore, I told her she could go back to her family while she looked for an apartment. Because to be fair, she was living rent free, with electricity, water, food, and everything she could ask for, and if she didn’t feel that close to me and wanted to find herself, it would be best to leave. Since what the fuck, you’re a leech and don’t care about me anymore. She said no, that she wanted to stay while she looked for an apartment.

i) She was distant. And weird. And secretive. And we fought. A lot.

Her lies and cheating

Oh, fuck where do I begin

1. She had a friend. I’ll call her “Friend She Has No Attraction To” because that’s how Mariela described her to me 😊 Friend she has no attraction becomes super close to Mariela from one moment to the other. Her friend is a lesbian. Keep in mind, at the time Mariela and I are lesbians too. So, she meets this lesbian friend. They start texting all the time. It all starts with chocolates. Friend she has no attraction to gives her chocolates. Then friend she has no attraction to gives her a teddy bear animal. That’s when I knew something was up. Because Mariela loved stealing the few friends I had, I thought: well its fair that I meet this friend, right? And stupid old me even though: if she’s close friends with Mariela, she could become a close friend of mine! Absolute idiot. I went to her work to meet this friend. I put on a nice dress and put on nice makeup and everything because I was so excited to meet her, and because I wanted to thank her for giving Mariela chocolates. Friend she has no attraction to is TERRIFIED to see me. I didn’t understand why. I was so ashamed and hurt. Friend she has no attraction to looked terrified of me and did not try to do small chat, just tried to get away as soon as possible. I now realize that she acted that way because she was into Mariela, she was gifting her things because Mariela was her crush, and she probably thought that if Mariela’s girlfriend suddenly came to her work, it was bad news. She was guilty. I didn’t understand at the time.

2. So, I tell Mariela that her relationship with someone like that makes me uncomfortable. Because come on, she was obvious about how much Mariela was her crush. And I told her it made me feel bad. She understood at the time. Things kind of fizzled out. Things between her and the girl suddenly stop. She told me she stopped talking to her after that because she thought that was what I wanted, but that was a lie and ill tell you all about it in a second.

3. So, I go into the mental hospital a second time. First time? Mariela did everything to see me. This time? She hardly visits. I didn’t understand why. I missed her. Again, I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought, yeah, we fight, but I love her and want to do things right with her. She hardly visits. After our breakup, my mom explained that she did not want to visit. My mom had to make her visit. And insist to her to please do so, because she didn’t feel like it. I found out later, that she would go on dates with her. Because she would tell my family how she went out to Holy Cow with some friend of hers and how much fun she had. She was with her a lot while I was gone. In fact, friend she has no attraction to came outside my house and talked to Mariela during midnight. All while I was at the mental hospital missing her. She was eating burgers. And chatting with her at midnight. Outside my fucking house. She worked with Mariela, and my brother told me they were obviously flirting when he would go to the supermarket and see them. While I cried my eyes out over her.

4. I got out. I don’t know about any of that. I think were fine. In the hospital I met a friend who had a crush on me. But key word is he. I was a lesbian back then. I didn’t feel anything for him. I thought it was funny. I told Mariela and because she got jealous over everything, she obviously got jealous. She tells me she stopped talking to friend she has no attraction to because I told her to, which I did not tell her to do, and that she didn’t think it was fair to me to talk to him. So, I stopped talking to him. And I tell her she can talk to friend she has no attraction to. I didn’t know they had been going out while I was at the hospital: insert boo boo he fool picture. My family had not told me yet.

5. Mariela tells me one day that friend she has no attraction to invited her to the movies. The friend who gifts her stuff and gives her compliments and hangs out with her all the time? Yes, that friend. To the movies. It sounds like a date to me. I tell her she can do whatever she wants, but that it would hurt my feelings. She acts like I’m insane for thinking its weird. Later, I found through screenshots Nefee sent me, Mariela was the one who invited friend she has no attraction to, not the other way around. Okay.

6. She would be on her phone literally all the time. Back in the day, she would borrow me her phone if I wanted to. I knew the fucking password and she did not care. One day, were together. And I see that received a message. The message said, “let me know, my love”. It drove me insane. I cried and yelled and told her to explain what it means. She gives me a cold look and ignores me and tells me to calm down. Again, acting like I’m out of my mind for thinking somethings wrong. She doesn’t explain anything. I beg her to let me look at the convo she was having with the girl, just to make sure nothing was happening, she completely refuses. I beg and beg and beg for her to let me read what she was texting her, she refuses to show me. Then I go to my bedroom to cry. She gives me this shitty awkward ass explanation that friend she has no attraction to was quoting something she told another girl. With no “” marks or anything. Just repeating something she had told another girl. Literally the most idiotic lie of all time. Doesn’t let me read the texts. I believed her. After this, she stops letting me get anywhere close to her cellphone and changes her password. But I’m crazy.

7. I start to wonder if I’m insane for being suspicious. Because she gaslights me into thinking that. So, I tell tell Nefee and some friends and even my own family. They all tell me she’s playing me. I don’t know what to believe anymore. Nefee starts snooping around. She finds interesting stuff. The most amusing one was a necklace. A few months back Mariela started wearing a necklace with a wolf skull thing. She starts wearing it every day. I ask her where she got it from. Because by that point I had realized her and friend she has no attraction to had something weird going on. She says her little sister gave it to her. Oh. Fine. I get it and move on. Don’t think anything of it. She wears it every single day. Whatever. Well, Nefee found pictures of friend she has no attraction to wearing the same necklace. In fact, she used it in every single one of her old pictures. Then she just stopped doing so. And you know what happened right after? Mariela started posting pictures with the necklace. It was so obvious. I asked her why she lied, she says “oh we must have bought the same necklace whatever you’re insane”. Worst fucking lie ever. I tell her well why did she stop wearing hers as soon as you got yours? She says I’m insane. Okay.

8. On WhatsApp, the texting app, we had our description for months to an emoji of a cat (who represented her) a heart and a bunny emoji (that represented me). Those were our nicknames to each other. It was cute. Whatever. One day, I check her profile. She changed it to a cat, a heart and a wolf. What the fuck right? I asked her what the hell. She says, “oh some coworker must have done that not me I swear”. I later found out wolves are friend she has no attraction to’s thing. It represented her. Nefee months later showed me screenshots of how on insta they used the same emojis for their posts. But they were obviously not together 😉 She changed her description to something else, but not the cat heart and bunny. I didn’t understand why. On WhatsApp she would post obvious flirting friend she has no attraction to was doing and write “BEST COMPLIMENT IVE EVER RECEIVED HEART HEART HEART”. Told her it made me uncomfortable, because she was her crush and she should not act like she had a chance with her. She ignores me. Acts like I’m crazy.

9. See, in insta it was cool for us to post about how in love we were to each other. But on Facebook? I did not exist to her. All her posts were jokes with friend she has no attraction to. All she does is tag friend she has no attraction to on shit. Friend she has no attraction to would share memes about “crushes”, Mariela would reply with “sorry for that 😉”. Its weird. One day I post on Facebook a pic of the both of us that says I love you. She immediately gets it off her profile page. I ask her why. She lies and says Facebook must have done something. I tell her how to fix it if that’s the case, she refuses. I ask why she would delete me telling her I love you and keep her profile to just her and friend she has no attraction to posts flirting. She acts like I’m crazy again.

10. Now... Oh well. Fuck me up honestly. Whatever. She said she hardly talked to friend she has no attraction to anymore. So, I tell my family I’m heartbroken because I think there’s something wrong with me. Then it all starts going down. While I was at the hospital, she went out with her. While I was at work, she went out with her. Every time I wasn’t around, she went out with her. My family lives in front of where she works, so they saw everything. They saw EVERYTHING. She cheated. She fucking cheated. They were together. I was the only one who did not know. When I found out, I freaked the fuck out. I kicked her out of my house. She broke up with me. But I still loved her. So, I apologized. She said no. Thank god she said no. She was with friend she has no attraction to. Everyone knew. But me. And even after I was told so, I didn’t want to believe. She would tell me she was alone and wanted to stay that way because she needed some time for herself. Then she starts posting how she’s in the best relationship of her life. I give up. She was with her. She had been with her. She didn’t pay attention to me anymore, because even though I was offering to her everything in the world I had, she was with her. It hurts. I want to kill myself. She was with her. She was with her.

Post breakup drama

· Sometimes she sits down outside my house to make out with her girlfriend like a damn crackhead.

· She watched my, my sisters, and Nefee stories with her cat account because we had her blocked in all the other ones. I didn’t have her blocked on frankieromakesmecry though, bc I was never there.

· We made peace, then fought again, multiple times.

· She has never given a sincere apology, acts like I’m crazy for asking for one.

· One day I received weird comments insulting me and comparing me to a cockroach. I blocked the guy. Later I snooped his Facebook page. She was wearing the same uniform that Mariela wears. What a coincidence, right? So many fucking coincidences.

· A few days ago, I made some stories about her. I received hate about it. She’s popular on insta. When she made a story about how she was going to expose me, obviously people came to her defense. Whatever. I tell her to please just tell them to leave me alone. She says fine and that I need to delete my Tumblr post to stop getting hate. I said I wasn’t going to, because this is my place to vent. She gets mad cause I called her ugly. Out of all the things I called her out on that’s the one that hurt her, LMAO. I just laugh. She has thousands of followers. I’m just a tiny blog that my mutuals read.

· Next day, she says I deserve the hate and that I’m being a whiner. She’s the first person to watch all my stories, btw. I don’t get it. That same morning, we had said we weren’t going to talk badly about each other. I don’t get it. But I’m tired. I won’t stay silent any longer. I post she cheated everywhere. And now I’m writing everything that went down.

The end

Truly? I want this to be over. That’s why I’m finally telling everything that happened. I’m tired. I’m tired of being called a liar and that I’m insane. I’m tired. This is what happened. Do with it what you will.

Look, Mariela, I loved you. Since I was 16 till I was 21 I loved you. I know you better than you know anyone. And you know me better than anyone. I hope I find someone to make pancakes with at two am like we used to. I hope you find someone that plays you demi lovato covers at four am like I used to. I hope I find someone who gets me. I hope you do as well. Wish things didn’t have to be like this. But this is what you wanted. Goodbye.

#personal #drama #what happened

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fancycakedragon · 5 years

Text

Rollerskates and Riding

Jimmy Darling x Reader

Warning(s): (amatuer) smut, 18+

A/N: This is for a request. Also I'm terrible at titles. Enjoy.

Masterlist

"Where are you taking me?" you asked your voice carrying a humored lilt. You walked with you hands feeling the space infront of you, your eyes blindfolded as Jimmy guided you in the right path.

Jimmy only chuckled, "It's a surprise, that's why you can't see."

"I hope it isn't some place ridiculous. This date is going to be a deciding factor," you teased.

"Wow no pressure there," Jimmy mumbled making you giggle. Finally he took off the cloth you sight returning.

You looked up at the building a frown pulling at your lips, "The roller rink, this is ridiculous."

Jimmy hooked his arm around your elbow before you had the chance to leave. You gave him a look that had irritation written all over you face, "Jimmy, I tell you I can't roller skate and this is the place you decide to take me next?"

He gave you a reassuring smile, "It'll be fun, Y/N, live a little. Plus I'll be with you the entire time."

You puffed out a breath, "Ok."

Jimmy excitedly ushered you into the building ready to begin. You rented out some roller skates and went out to the rink. The moment your feet were on the ground your knees buckled. Jimmy could see the fear already overtaking you.

"Hey, hey, relax."

With his help you stood upright, "Don't stand up straight its hard to keep your balance that way. Bend your knees a bit."

Your hands gripped his as he tugged you toward him. He took his position behind you arms around your waist.

"Now follow my feet: take one foot and turn it into a T-angle."

You watched vigilantly while following his movements.

"Then you push off the back foot while transferring weight onto the facing forward foot."

You tried doing as he did but found yourself putting too much weight on your other foot. Jimmy's grip on you tightnened and kept you up when you almost fell, "I got you. Glide on the front foot then set the back foot back down and keep rolling."

You started of slow still working up the courage to increase your speed.

"You know, if you wanted to hold me close you could have just asked," you teased although there was a shakiness to your voice.

"Focus on your skating would ya?" Jimmy quipped back. He moved away from his cozy position behind you and skated infront of you.

"Whoa, don't just leave me like that!" you shrieked trying to stay up. You soon found your footing again remembering the steps Jimmy told you.

"I'm doing it, Jimmy look!" you let out a triumphant laugh.

Jimmy smoothly turned back to see you with a grin on his face. "I knew you could," he said offering his hand. You were soon back in his embrace the two of you enjoying eachother's company as you skated till you were tired.

On your way back to your apartment you were still talking, laughing, and remeniscing over your date. You entered the building with a squeal running up the stairs to your apartment while Jimmy chased you not far behind. The noise was probably a disturbance because when you reached your floor your neighbor, Gary, jerked his door open ready to complain.

"What the hell? Y/N, what are you doing making noise at this time. A lady like you should-" Gary stopped when he saw Jimmy reach the top of the stairs. Gary's lips puckered at the sight of him putting a secure arm around your waist.

You gave a sheepish smile, "Sorry about the noise, Gary. We'll make sure to keep it down."

The man glanced down at Jimmy's hand who in turn awkwardly put them behind his back.

"Are you sure you want to affiliate yourself with a freak show attraction? You can't be safe around him."

Brows creasing your tone became angry, "I'll have you know, Jimmy is a capable man who I am always safe with. More so than with you. So keep your nose where it belongs Gary, up your ass!"

Before heading into your apartment Jimmy turned back and sent a wink in Gary's direction, leaving him sputtering for a response. Once you were in your apartment Jimmy helped you take of your coat.

"Sorry about Gary. I told him I wasn't interested last year and he's been an ass to any guy he sees me with," you explained. Much like the rest of the world Gary had a warped view on Jimmy and his friends. Anyone different was dangerous to them, even if it wasn't by their choice. That kind of thinking made you want to tear down those ideas with your bare hands. Jimmy was well aware of how you felt and admired your spirit, it was that kind of fire in you that had him hooked when he'd first met you.

Jimmy waved his hand dismissively, "I've dealt with my fair share of asses, but thank you for standing up for me like that. It's rare."

"I'm not going to let ignorance rule our lives," you said as Jimmy pulled you into an embrace.

He hooked a finger under your chin tilting it up and in turn moving your lips closer to his. "So sexy, when you're being all righteous," he whispered.

Your eyes closed at the feel of his breathe fanning your mouth. You hummed in delight when his lips finally met yours instantly returning the kiss. With the memory of your living room in mind you guided him to your couch and pushed him down onto it, lips not leaving his. You climbed on top of him straddling his lap. Pushing down the straps of your dress is Jimmy's lips left yours kissing along your jaw down your neck before settling on your chest.

"What do you want?" he whispered against your collar then nipping at it.

"I want to um... Can I ride your fingers?" you asked breathlessly.

Jimmy looked at you with his lust blown eyes, "Hell yes."

You got off his lap in order to remove your panties and hastily got back on top of him. In an instant his fingers were inside you. You couldn't help the shudder of pleasure that ran through you.

Jimmy waited for a bit before speaking, "Is it ok if I-"

"Please!"

A strangled moan left you when he pulled out his fingers completely before reentering. Your hips followed his rhythm, pace faltering anytime he grazed that spot deep inside.

Jimmy watched entranced by your movements. Your eyes were closed forehead pressed against his. Your mouth was right there too, hanging open as sounds of ecstacy left you. He wasn't even sure if the strain in his pants could get any tighter. He was torn between letting you make enough noise to keep Gary up and wanting kiss you so he could swallow all those sweet moans of yours.

"Oh christ, that's the spot!" you shouted when he grazed your g-spot again. Your hips sped up as your orgasm neared. "Fuck Jimmy, baby, you're so good!"

With his other hand Jimmy found your clit rubbing down on it. Your eyes screwed shut a breathless shout spilling out of your lips.

"Open your eyes, look at me," Jimmy whispered.

You did your best keeping your eyes open staring right into his. "F-Fuck I-"

The words disappeared when your orgasm took over. Stars filled your vision as you rode out your high fingers digging into his shoulders. When it was over you were a panting mess.

"You're beautiful," Jimmy stared at you a smile practically splitting his face.

You laughed lightly hiding your face on the crook of his neck, "Gimme a minute so I can figure out something witty to say."

-----

Requests are open.

#reader #american horror story #ahs #jimmy darling x y/n #jimmy darling x reader #jimmy darling x you #jimmy darling #evan peters #ahs freakshow #6-27-19

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juistheseminarian · 5 years

Text

Eccentric, part 1: (gasp) a child!

You can tell I take myself seriously as a writer since I was originally planning on making this a stand-up-sounding twitter thread, doing my usual best turning the topic into a trendy depression meme while telling anyone who’d listen that I’ve decided to write “real articles” since I “can’t find a job in my field” (I’ve totally looked). So this is me taking a step. I get the tingling feeling it might sound exactly as it would have anyway, except this time i’m gonna have to pry readers from one platform they spend their time on to another that’s about real reading, and somehow this distance is a real marathon to close. I know because I don’t read, and i do run. I expect little and I hope for even less.

Writing “for real”, as opposed to waxing my usual poetics, has been a terror of mine, along with praying mantises, stick insects and john mulaney’s wife, in a good way. It’s been my plan A as well as my every other plan for as long as I can remember, which is an excellent reason to stay away from it since nothing else could possibly keep it from failing. It’s almost like I didn’t believe in hard work, which is ironic for a person who spent hours a day playing over two-measures loops of music so I’d learn guitar solos for a man. Where’s the reward here? Non-gendered consideration? Give me a break.

I’ve been told in school that a writer’s first work is oftentimes autobiographical, in reaction to which I thought it would be a funny idea to even try to write about anything else (who could possibly?). That was before I tried viewing it through the lens of standpoint theory and claiming the relevance of my situated point of view as if we needed another white girl to cry about the upper middle class experience. Now don’t get your hopes up, I’m still gonna do it, but I’ll do my best to keep some perspective. There are more important pieces to be written and more important voices to be heard and I’ll never replace them or try to; what I want to do is use the language I’ve had the privilege to develop, and acknowledge my main skill as an opportunity to challenge what needs to be challenged at my own scale.

Now that I’ve proceeded to justify myself because clearly you had asked, and have realized I’m going to have to find another way to introduce myself than to offer my guests a cup of insecuritea (get it?), let’s move on - I’ve been meaning to talk about, well, me, you got me there - no but really, about my journey trying to put words on my mental health. Tl;dr: I haven’t yet. I’m starting to think the final boss of this game is financial independence so I’ll probably shelf it and go back to super hexagon for a decade or two. What could go wrong.

It all started when i was still going to school in rollerskates and wearing orange tights to show how I had just discovered the sex pistols - in fact, it started long before, as the nice ladies at daycare told my parents that maybe I was a little more than just shy. The year after that, I was pulled out of school for being unable to stay in class during storytime: I had taken to crying uncontrollably and panicking into a near catatonic state at the thought of the old crone in charge reading fairy tales. I got sick in the morning. I was taken home and it fortunately coincided with my family moving to another village, where I started class the next year and appeared normal, if a little keen on the self-pity. My teacher suspected I was bored, but shit happens, and it didn’t show. I didn’t show.

I never showed. Later on I tried to show and disappear all at once, which was, you’ll see, a little suboptimal, but you do what you can, right. I went from year to year in constant fear and numbness, threats surrounding me in the classrooms, hallways, home, people. I felt injustice and it made me puke, and all that mattered was not being seen, not being seen for this reason at least. To everyone’s surprise, including mine, I had numerous friends, which made the loneliness thing all the more age-typical. Girl-typical. Good grades for a good girl, we never hear her. Now she’s too confident, we hear too much of her. Oh I too was bad at maths! You’re good at languages, where did you learn this? Why do you know that? Why do you talk like this? Look at her, she was ready to cry! We got you!

Most of what I remember from school is the shame and inadequateness of feeling. I had a few questions: why was I obsessed with sex, how would boys like me, why did it feel better talking to adults even though I was ashamed to do so. At home, I was shamed for masturbating and at school I was just ashamed without anyone needing to make me that way. I don’t know where the trauma was, so don’t ask, okay? I know it’s gotta be in there but how can I tell what’s real and what’s a memory this abusive therapist planted for the sake of being right?

My body felt like a traitor, always horny and always heavy and always numb. The swimming pool was a nightmare. My femininity was nowhere to be found. The delicate, cheerful way the others sang and hopped around made me grow old, I found myself revoltingly fat, I found my hair too short, and why didn’t I know how to dance? Why were people telling me I was so honest when all I did was be ashamed? Something wasn’t working out for me, and I was crying often. As soon as I pictured myself skipping and singing i couldn’t hold back my tears. I invoked this image of me as what I figured would be a normal little girl, and I felt a thousand years old, an antediluvian tree, its movements blocked and its curves absent.

The body did things and I hid them. Through puberty i felt like an impure, sexless organism, like secondary sex characteristics implanted on a shape, a bunch of pubes on a round mistake. I didn’t know what makeup was for and my friend group had common enemies: lingerie, sluts, girly girls, because they could not be smart, they wore thongs and smoked and thereby lost the war of clever versus hot. Somewhere along the line we admitted to masturbating and that was the breakthrough, that’s that on that, and one day a girl choked another during recess. Around this time fat became an issue and everyone knew before I did, because it was normal and I overplayed normal. The limits were, and are, invisible to me.

The old school ended without a diagnosis, and I feared for my life since some older kids made a hobby out of telling us we were gonna get beat up as soon as we’d have set foot in the new school. I was scared, normal scared at first, and I shared the scared, which was something I thought I could get used to (unfortunately I did, and then it went away). I moved on and at first it all seemed to have worked out, I had kept some old friends around and even made new ones, I had a boyfriend for one month and we held hands before I told him I was a vampire (I had read a book by Anne Rice) and he no longer wanted to speak to me. I didn’t particularly mind. I found another (I didn’t want him and we tried to fit him inside me; it didn’t even feel like it would ever be a physiological possibility, he was a gentle friend, I was not receptive). I found another (it worked out and we dated for five years. I did manage to fit him inside me, and to this day i’m not certain I should have). Fat had become an issue.

For the first year it didn’t show - well, not alarmingly so. I studied how to girl and promptly found out that caring about the body seemed an effective shortcut, and I did, very much. I was nerves and erogenous shame, a piglet in human cast, and anything that touched me sent thunderbolts of frustration through my entire bedroom; anyone that talked to me was taking me by surprise and met with confused torrents of whatever had to come out that day. At this point we called the food thing “being careful”: you didn’t want to gain weight so you were “being careful”, salad instead of a main course, no ice cream, careful. Look in the mirror, have you been careful enough? I have a very clear image of walking in on my mother weighing herself and telling me “you see, the biggest worry for moms is to have a flat tummy”. She denied it ever happened. Truth is, the last time she said it was three days ago.

Then came the warnings and I had already learned to take them as compliments. Everytime someone told me I was eating too little, I was gaining points. I was about to graduate. I was about to evolve like a training pokémon; warnings were congratulations and fear was validating me as a fragile young girl, finally, finally, no longer a slug. You could say it was progressive, and throughout the whole thing I was taken care of, yet I slipped through everyone’s fingers because I had lost twelve kilos and weighed a remaining 36 (that’s 79 pounds).

My grandmother was afraid of my hands and my body was drying out, dehydrating, too weak to menstruate or feel. During this time I have never fainted, but have pretended to numerous times. I still wasn’t the center of the world, so I considered it a failure. My mother’s friends said I needed to gain weight for men to love me, my mother said I needed to eat or people would keep staring, and everytime I bought diet coke my boyfriend gave me the look you give to a relapsing junkie, because it was the case. All other possibilities had been eliminated, by me.

The abusive therapist was there all along, but then she was okay still. I saw her all the time, did all sorts of talking and then I saw a doctor and she measured my heart and threatened me with a hospital stay so I cleaned up my act. I was admitted once, in a special unit for teenagers, and it was a nightmare. The others were real and a girl lived there long term because her mother threw chairs in her face (she was the first one to come and introduce herself to me, smiling, complimenting my clothes, kind). One had lost her father and one didn’t like spinach. Before I could spend the night I had caved in and my parents collected me, and I collected the phone they thought was the problem. ED treatments: isolation won’t do shit, trust us. We get better because everyone else is less cruel than you were, and don’t say that’s the point. You lasted one hour before telling me my skirt was too short.

At one point I told the abusive therapist I was going to get better, and I did. It had lasted about a year and the doctor said it hadn’t been real anorexia or I would have had it worse, and I thought, the nerve on this person that jumped on the occasion to invalidate me as soon as I ate one bite. Don’t you dare take the words from my experience, don’t be ridiculous, I’ve already claimed the words - I do realize how lucky I was, others died, I didn’t, but I was very ill indeed, your ego be damned. I was very ill, I was offered fashion advice and condescension and suggestions that I should stop or men wouldn’t look at me, and I was not medicated and I had my asshole pumped full of water because it had dried shut. My heart sounded like a ruffled biscuit wrapper and my first year of high school was a made-up arrangement for me to not completely float away: I would come to some classes for the sole purpose of keeping myself afloat and would repeat the year no matter what. I think this kept me alive.

My first days of high school i was a mummy. I had taken to rubbing the skin off of my arms with a pumice stone until they oozed with pus and burned constantly, I wore bandages from my wrists to under my t-shirt sleeves, I don’t know how my legs supported me, I don’t know how anyone did. I had picked a special high school where half my classes would be in english but I’d know nobody: I lasted two days and was transferred to my local school, and there I appeared sporadically in french class, bonding with the delightful old man who gave it and thought my writing was “images”. He said I should do contests but maybe I wouldn’t win because “the best ones often don’t”.

I repeated the class and fell in love with the next french teacher, a gentle woman who taught us about the middle ages. She was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen, mysterious, a woman but not just a mother, she didn’t know what to do with my writing and I’m ever so sorry she had to fence off the embarrassment and try to be a good role model. Lucky for me, she really wasn’t.

Ultimately I got better. But I gotta say: my style during this era was off the charts. I looked amazing, I copied Amanda Palmer and my boyfriend and the mad hatter and David Bowie, I once went to high school with a suit and converse because of David Tennant, and I cut my own hair with kitchen scissors. My then-boyfriend painted my t-shirts with foetuses and whatever else we found extremely shocking. We said we’d lose our virginity to raw power by Iggy Pop (did we?) and his mother said she was afraid I would mentally screw her stable, balanced son whose anger issues had him slap me a bunch of times - I would have slapped me too, I said then, and almost stand by it. Years later he phoned me saying he was in therapy and he was sorry and it wasn’t my only fault; I don’t think i hold grudges and I’m glad others don’t either. My mother, however, does. Beyond unrealistic. Must be exhausting.

If I had to describe what anorexia felt like, i’d say it felt like depression but floating, like compulsive obsessing over fashion because I felt I was allowed to now that I was thin; like the most hopeless cul-de-sac with no way out except the one you came from, a well full of serpents like you’re Ragnar Lothbrok and the british are laughing at you from the surface. You float yet sink and you have to claw your way up but your nails are like chalk, you know, from the not eating bit. The anxiety makes every day feel like a year of waiting in terror, and you don’t know why it came and you don’t know why it ends, and sometimes it doesn’t.

...

I’ll have to return to the abusive therapist topic, which is why this is part one of a series on my experience of mental health issues. This isn’t meant as a self indulgent victimization (although it is self indulgent, I mean what the hell, i’m not catholic) though I don’t think it requires further justification, either. I don’t know what will come out of this once I said everything I had to say on the matter, but for now i’m angry about things, and I feel we need to do better.

I was in the best possible conditions and my treatment still sucked, and I still spent the last fifteen years of my life in pain because health professionals can’t have an empirical, science-based approach for shit. I’m not exaggerating when I say I was a ping pong ball in a match doctors played with their dicks. Gender informed how easily my anorexia was diagnosed whereas countless young men still suffer in silence; it also informed how patronizing people would sound and how “efforts” were suggested as medication for my disorders. How pleasing men was supposed to be reason enough for me to eat my own illness. How my ‘’giftedness’’ was not investigated and neither was my ADHD because female-coded symptoms are overlooked. I’m pissed off, I’m qualified to be, and you’ll hear more of me.

-Ju

#my writing #mental health #juistheseminarian

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aadics · 6 years

Text

MEET ADELINA ROSALYN MONJE

BASIC INFORMATION

FULL NAME: adelina rosalyn monje PRONUNCIATION: add-ah-line-ah roe sah lynn mon-je MEANING: adelina ( noble ) rosalyn ( rose ) monje ( munk ) REASONING: adelina was her father’s mother’s name NICKNAME(S): adie, grandma adie PREFERRED NAME(S): adelina, adie, my love BIRTH DATE: july 18th,1997 AGE: twenty ZODIAC: cancer GENDER: female PRONOUNS: she/her ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: heteroromantic SEXUAL ORIENTATION: heterosexual NATIONALITY: american ETHNICITY: mexican CURRENT LOCATION: st. cloud, minnesota LIVING CONDITIONS: in a small house with flower bushes & a small path up to the front door, three bedrooms & somethings haven’t been touched, but dusted, since her father died. her house is beside felix, where their windows face one another. the rooms and overall aesthetic are quite clean & well-kept, because of adelina. TITLE(S): miss

BACKGROUND

BIRTH PLACE: st. cloud, minnesota HOMETOWN: st. cloud, minnesota SOCIAL CLASS: middle class EDUCATION LEVEL: college level FATHER: ernesto “ernie” monje MOTHER: paulina lopez SIBLING(S): clara ( half-sister ) BIRTH ORDER: adelina, clara CHILDREN: clara PET(S): homeless cats OTHER IMPORTANT RELATIVES: not so much important but her step-mother, fiona PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: ARRESTS?: zero PRISON TIME?: zero

OCCUPATION & INCOME

PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME: her own SECONDARY SOURCE OF INCOME: her own TERTIARY SOURCE(S) OF INCOME: her own APPROXIMATE AMOUNT PER YEAR: not as much as she works for CONTENT WITH THEIR JOB (OR LACK THERE OF)?: yes, she always tries to make the most of it PAST JOB(S): bookshop keeper, waitress & summertime counselor SPENDING HABITS: mostly towards clara’s needs MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION: her necklace gifted from her father, that he bought from a pawn shop when she was only two. attached: a heart shaped locket with a picture adelina swears is her father & her & a cross on the same chain

SKILLS & ABILITIES

PHYSICAL STRENGTH: she’ll try her best before she asks for help OFFENSE: a step above her defense DEFENSE: weak SPEED: average, running the track in gym involved her jogging & tripping often INTELLIGENCE: quite advanced, beyond the years as they say ACCURACY: advanced, especially when it comes to depicting scenery in her photographs AGILITY: moderate average STAMINA: moderate average TEAMWORK: quite advanced, she shares input & listens as well. likes everyone to perform to their best ability & show their talents TALENTS: writing & photography, dabbling in baking SHORTCOMINGS: sports & her two left feet, naive to other’s opinions or standoffish to disappointing other’s LANGUAGE(S) SPOKEN: spanish, english & only simple french DRIVE?: yes JUMP-STAR A CAR?: she asks jackson, all the time CHANGE A FLAT TIRE?: once again, jackson RIDE A BICYCLE?: yes, that’s what she uses back home with a wired basket SWIM?: yes, she actually learned at stillwater PLAY AN INSTRUMENT?: not quite PLAY CHESS?: yes, secretly she was in chess club in high school BRAID HAIR?: adores it, need her to ? TIE A TIE?: double knot PICK A LOCK?: yes, don’t ask

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE & CHARACTERISTICS

FACE CLAIM: cindy kimberly EYE COLOR: golden bronze HAIR COLOR: somewhere between chestnut & dark brown hair HAIR TYPE/STYLE: she had bangs, however, they’ve grown out & her hair, to her mid back in natural curls. on some days, she’ll pin it back to leave her shoulders freed or a high perched ponytail GLASSES/CONTACTS?: both glasses & contacts DOMINANT HAND: right HEIGHT: five foot three WEIGHT: one hundred & twenty pounds BUILD: ectomorph ( lean & delicate ) EXERCISE HABITS: what habits ? does it include nature walks ? SKIN TONE: medium with expectancy to tan TATTOOS: she has two. adelina was the sun out of the sun, moon & stars with lola & amy, it’s a little animation & located on the back of her arm above her elbow. the other was a collective group tattoo of a tree, with lola & amy, theo & jackson PEIRCINGS: her single ear piercings that were done with a lemon and sharp sewing needle by lola & amy at the age of ten MARKS/SCARS: indent below her left eyebrow from when she fell while rollerskating at age six NOTABLE FEATURES: USUAL EXPRESSION: beaming with a string tied smile, love in her eyes CLOTHING STYLE: denim, frill socks, blouses, sundresses, converse or barefoot JEWELRY: her locket, diamond earrings, pearls for dressing up & friendship bracelets galore ALLERGIES: zero BODY TEMPERATURE: normal DIET: inclined to sweet & salty, but overall, pretty healthy PHYSICAL AILMENTS: none to date

PSYCHOLOGY

JUNG TYPE: protagonist (enfj-t) ENNEAGRAM TYPE: type 2 MORAL ALIGNMENT: chaotic good TEMPERAMENT: empath ELEMENT: earth PRIMARY INTELLIGENCE TYPE: spatial intelligence APPROXIMATE IQ: 150 MENTAL CONDITIONS/DISORDERS: anxiety, periods of deep depression SOCIABILITY: sociable according to the day, always ready to put a smile on someone’s face EMOTIONAL STABILITY: OBSESSION(S): insecurities COMPULSION(S): none to date PHOBIA(S): the dark, ferris wheels ADDICTION(S): none to date DRUG USE: zero ALCOHOL USE: sociabley PRONE TO VIOLENCE?: not at all

MANNERISMS

SPEECH STYLE: casual, a walking poem almost ACCENT: american but can quickly turn to a full, spanish one if required QUIRKS: using her hands when speaking, snapping her fingers, humming unknowingly, pretending to snap a picture in the air with no camera HOBBIES: photography, writing, reading, baking, traveling, capturing love HABITS: tracing, scrunching her nose, keeping her nails tidy & clean NERVOUS TICKS: twirling her air, chewing on pencil tips/pen caps, DRIVES/MOTIVATIONS: clara FEARS: fiona, being held back in st. cloud for the rest of eternity, never getting to dream again POSITIVE TRAITS: quixotic, tenderhearted, wondrous NEGATIVE TRAITS: canny, timid, intricate SENSE OF HUMOR: kind of like an elder’s sense of humor DO THEY CURSE OFTEN?: very little CATCHPHRASE(S): “ain’t no mountain high enough !” or “oh bother !”

FAVORITES

ACTIVITY: making someone smile & lasting memories ANIMAL: turtles BEVERAGE: fresh squeezed grapefruit juice BOOK: very hard question, but sense & sensibility by jane austen CELEBRITY: audrey hepburn COLOR: yellow DESIGNER: she doesn’t have a particular designer, as she shops often at thriftshops & those alike FOOD: butterscotch pudding FLOWER: carnations GEM: moganite HOLIDAY: valentine’s day MODE OF TRANSPORTATION: (x.) MOVIE: sound of music MUSICAL ARTIST: billie holiday or paul anka QUOTE/SAYING: “for beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.” . . . audrey hepburn SCENERY: a meadow of wild flowers SCENT: vanilla & lavender, the warm sun & fresh baked cookies or strawberries from picking SPORT: baseball SPORTS TEAM: la dodgers TELEVISION SHOW: the golden girls WEATHER: sunshine & not a cloud in the sky, summer showers with colorful skies VACATION DESTINATION: anywhere with clara & her friends, from a carnival to the coast of france

ATTITUDES

GREATEST DREAM: living on the coast of frace, traveling & being a director / photographer of independent films, later owning a bookshop / bakery with a family & homeless cats GREATEST FEAR: not following through with her dreams & never leaving st. cloud MOST AT EASE WHEN: she’s with friends & clara LEAST AT EASE WHEN: when she’s around fiona & her boyfriend WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN: having clara taken from her life BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT: graduating high school & getting a scholarship BIGGEST REGRET: not saying goodbye to her father MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: when that picture leaked of her across the student body BIGGEST SECRET: she has anxiety attacks & they’ve been progressively increasing TOP PRIORITIES: clara, friends, school

#stillwatertask:5 #- ̗̀ ★ ∙ 𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒂 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒋𝒆 : aesthetic.

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sorentm · 7 years

Text

25 years of Zero-G.

I am sitting in front of my browser staring at a big green button that says: “Release App”. If I press it, I will release my very own game, Zero-G, to Steam. It will go out there, people will probably play it, and some might have fun doing it. My game. I did it. I really did it.

The thing is… I am scared. Not that people will hate it. Well yes, that scares me too, but the thing that scares me most is… How will this affect me? I have lived with this game for almost 25 years, and now I am supposed to cut it loose?

25 years is a long time to develop one game. I mean, Duke Nukem Forever only took 15 and more than 25 versions of FIFA are available now, though none of them existed when I started.

Actually a lot of cool stuff did not exist when I started:

Playstation and Nintendo 64

DOOM (not even Wolfenstein 3D)

Web browsers (at least not publicly available).

C# and Java

DVD’s

SMS’s

mp3’s

GPS

...and some of my current colleagues.

So, what happened? Well, it’s a long story…

The Amiga Prototype.

So, you’ve probably figured that I am old. I am old enough to be one of the first kids to grow up with computer games. I got the Donkey Kong Game and Watch when I was 12 and the Commodore 64 the year after. And they completely blew my mind. Unfortunately, since I was both a lazy and pragmatic kid, I figured that it was about as realistic for me to make a living off computer games, as it would be to become an astronaut (my second choice). In the end I did not bother to really learn how to program.

But that all changed in 1990 with AMOS BASIC for the Amiga. AMOS was pretty much what you would call a game engine today like Unity or Unreal. All of a sudden, the stuff that would have taken months of hard work and dedication could be had with few lines of code.

Load IFF “BackgroundScreen.iff” Load "MyMusic.Abk" : Music 1 Double Buffer

BAM! A double buffered screen with a background image, and music playing! I started making games. All kinds of games. I would often give myself challenges like creating an entire 10 level platform game with all music and graphics in 24 hours, or a racing game in an afternoon.

And then I thought: Why not make “Ender’s Game - The Game”?

Ender’s Game has been my favorite book since it came out, and I thought the Zero Gravity shooting gameplay would probably be awesome. I planned to make it like all the other sports games with a character you controlled, and the rest of the team being controlled by the computer, but to test it out I initially mapped all characters to the same joystick, and was surprised to find that it actually made controlling the team both really fun and interesting. Unfortunately it also made shooting feel stupid since everybody shot at the same time in the same direction, so I replaced the guns with a ball, and thus, by accident, the game had designed itself.

To get some graphics I got hold of my good friend Søren Lundgaard, and after a long night of matches so intense that I ended up breaking a joystick in half, he was in - provided he was allowed to assist with the coding and design. By 1993 we’d gotten a pretty polished prototype up and running, and things were great!

PC versions, anyone?

But then again - not really great. We had taken AMOS as far as we could. Even with a new AMOS compiler the framerate simply could not reach acceptable levels, which made the gameplay feel sluggish. So we decided that we’d had our fun and put the game to rest.

I kept thinking about it though, and I would often showcase it to people and try to convince them to remake it on the PC. Since there were no easy-to-use game engines available I was obviously too lazy to do it myself.

I talked to this guy while we were at board-diving practice (Yes, that’s something I did). He was all in, and I promised to give him all the assets, so he could have a go at it. Then he jumped from the diving board and immediately dislocated his shoulder badly and never returned.

I then talked to this other guy I met at Computer Science. He was brilliant, very energetic, wanted very much to make a PC version, and he actually did get the assets. But then he disappeared for a few months. The next time I saw him he looked really bad-ass. He had lost some weight, and had shaved his head. I said to him: “Hey Peter! you are bald! You look AWESOME!”. He gave me this really weird look, had a long pause and then just said. “Yes”.

He then turned and walked away, and… well, you have guessed it. He died a few weeks later.

Needless to say that completely killed my enthusiasm for Zero-G and for the next 10 years I left it alone.

The Deadline Games version.

Jump cut to 2004. Somehow my good old pal Søren Lundgaard had managed to get me hired at Deadline Games, even though I had tried to sabotage it as much as I could, by mentioning the fact that I find most games boring at the job interviews. Each of the 4 times I applied. But hey, in the end I became a game programmer, and did not need to be an astronaut, which would have been a disaster anyways since I get dizzy from just about anything that moves.

I had been on the team that did Total Overdose, and while I did the PSP-remake Chili con Carnage we got a huge contract for Total Overdose 2, so we had moved into a big office-building and staffed up. Then all of a sudden the contract was cancelled. It later turned out, that our publisher, Eidos, was at the same time in contact with this other team that was brewing on a game called Just Cause - a game that in feature set turned out absurdly similar to the Total Overdose 2 game design! But they had fully functioning world-streaming tech already, so we got the axe.

That was disastrous.

We managed to stay afloat for quite some time by doing the two Watchmen games that were objectively rushed pieces of dung, but subjectively (when I think about how little time we actually had) are still games that I am personally really proud of. But none of our pitches sold, and money was gushing out. By January 2009 we were on the brink of going broke.

I told the producer about Zero-G and my extremely interesting story of that time when I broke a joystick in half, and I was given 3 weeks to do a prototype. After those 3 weeks everybody available jumped in and we had a manic development sprint for 3 months. The goal was to just get something, anything playable really, on Xbox Live Arcade and Playstation Network. These online stores were booming at that time but were not flooded with games yet, so new releases still had a good shot at getting noticed. It might have made a difference…

… but we weren’t fast enough. In May 2009 Deadline Games went bankrupt.

The Deadline Games version of Zero-G.

Rising from the ashes?

After the bankruptcy a group of us tried to buy the assets for Zero-G and our custom engine from the estate so we could form a miniature company and release it. Unfortunately someone else put more money on the table and bought everything in one go. We managed to buy the actual Zero-G assets from them, but they would not let us buy the engine. And in the end they would not even commit to supporting the engine if we licensed it, so the project was soon doomed.

Buying those assets seemed like an expensive life lesson, but at least it gave me a build of the game I could use to dazzle the guys at Playdead into hiring me for the LIMBO production.

The Unity Version.

And that would probably have been it, if it hadn’t been for a particularly nasty attack of midlife crisis that came for me around 2013. Usually, what you do about those is to buy a pinball machine, take up speed rollerskating or grow a weird beard, but in this case the normal cures did not work. So one lonely night when I was feeling particularly worthless I decided to make Zero-G one more time - just to show myself and the world that I could! Nothing is so bad, that it isn’t good for something, right?

At that time I had been working professionally on the game INSIDE for a few years, so I had gotten pretty confident with the Unity engine, and since I had all the assets already, all I had to do was to reimplement the entire game code - again. So I did, and it was more fun than ever. I could rant on about all the weird things I have had to do or learn because I had decided to rely on nobody else - as the time when I had to hand-build an animation in notepad, since I only had animation data in Deadlines own exported format, and one of them was so weird I could not reverse engineer it. Oh, good times. But I will tell you later. None of the stories are as interesting as the one with the broken joystick anyways.

And that brings me back to the big green button on my screen. Release App. What will likely happen is that my little anachronistic game will drown in the raging tsunami of indie games washing over Steam these days. And my life project will leave no more of a lasting impression than a wet footprint on a beach.

On the other hand, then I am free to do something else.

I’m gonna push the mother out of that button!

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