YOU – Regain awareness.
Open your eyes.
Wait and listen.
You pause for a second. Something tells you that you shouldn't do that just yet…
Open your eyes.
Wait and listen.
You wait and listen, staying as still as possible. There's some shuffling around you, but the area sounds relatively empty. You open an eye slightly. Just enough to see if it's dark or not. And… It is.
"Great," you think. You can't see shit, normally. You especially can't see shit if it's dark.
You take a painfully slow, deep breath. This situation is so fucking stupid. You've been through worse—and stupider—but this one is particularly stupid. And ridiculous. And you just might strangle Harry over this shit when you find him.
… Yikes, actually.
The thought makes you wince. You wouldn't actually hurt him, would you? No… Right? Fuck. You wouldn't be here if you didn't care about him. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You're making yourself paranoid.
–1 Morale.
God fucking dammit.
You say fuck it and open your eyes. Overthinking, alone, will not help the situation at hand. In fact, it'd only make things worse.
You open your eyes to near complete darkness. To your right is a window, letting in some light—it looks like it's nearly night. At least you can *see* a bit, though, shitty vision be damned. Speaking of…
Put your glasses on.
First, you grab a handkerchief from your jacket pocket and wipe your face off. You throw the handkerchief, now covered in blood and… Flour… to the side. You grab your glasses and place them back on your face, where they belong, and finally, you can truly assess the situation.
You, Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi, have somehow, successfully, smuggled yourself into a cabin. The cabin of which holds this competition's contestants. The competition? A fucking death match, of course. Don't question it. Don't think about it. There's no time for that.
It looks safe enough to get up. As quietly as you can, you slowly stand up, and try your best to clean off the… Blood. And Flour. Good lord. There had to have been a better [less stupid] way to sneak in. But anyways…
You walk towards the window. Just enough light out to read by. Perfect. You pull your notebook and pen out and immediately begin writing.
·
YOU – This was such a stupid idea Volta and if I could I'd send you to the Pale.
You wait a couple seconds, and you see yourself write:
VOLTA DO MAR – It worked though, did it not? Ahaha.
You roll your eyes, and continue.
YOU – Still. Blood and flour? Really?
VOLTA DO MAR – *Pig's blood* and flour. It's funny. Laugh, *pig*. Ha, Ha, Ha.
YOU – I'm not taking any shit from a bitch that shares *my* body, thank you very much.
VOLTA DO MAR – You're right, sorry. But *still*. You're in, now we can…
Volta suddenly tapered off. "That's not good," you think. And then, someone else starts writing.
PARANOIA – There's something behind you.
·
Uh oh.
Turn around.
Pretend everything is fine and ignore whatever the fuck is behind you.
??? – Before you is a giant fish, almost as tall as you. It begins sniffing you, and after a moment, it makes a soft growling noise. It then opens its mouth…
Ohhh no. Fuck that shit.
Face to face with what looks like a cartoon fish out of hell, you understandably panic. You try to run away, but–
OW.
You slip. And fall. Right on your face. Into the mess of blood and flour around you.
–1 Health.
??? – The… Thing, towers over you now. It doesn't sound like it'd immediately try to kill you out of hostility, but it looks like it'd still very much try to eat you regardless. Like what it's trying to do right now.
The Thing pokes and prods at you with its mouth. Like a predator playing with its food before killing it. Fucked up, thinks one of the beings sharing your body. Or, you *think* it was one of them, anyway. You try to lie as still as possible. Maybe it'll think you're dead?... Do giant cartoon fish-things eat dead things? You don't know. Not that it's important.
??? – After a moment, The Thing suddenly stops prodding at you. You heard it turn around suddenly. It got distracted, it sounds like! Perfect time to get away–
?????? – Heyyy, Cohozuñito! How's it been?
The Thing [Cohozuñito, apparently?] leaves you on the floor and runs [or, slides, it looks like] towards the voice. You once again stand up, slowly. And turn your attention towards the soft glow in front of you.
In front of you stands a man. A man that's also surrounded by warm, comforting light. The light seems to be emanating *from* him, around his head. You stare at him, dumbfounded.
?????? – 'Sup?
The man waves at you. He has a laidback, chill sort of vibe about him. Despite his modern clothing, you can't help but feel he's not *from* this time period.
Still staring blankly at him, and without thinking, you uttered,
YOU – What the fuck?
He chuckled at that.
?????? – Yeah people tend to say that when they see me for the first time, haha. I'm Jesus, and you are?
Jesus held his hand out, for you to shake.
You do *not* do that, and instead squint at him, one hand rubbing your forehead.
YOU – Do I have another fucking concussion. What the fuck's a Jesus.
Both Jesus (!?) and the Cohozuñito (!?!?) laughed at that.
JESUS – Ohh boy. Uhm. Don't worry about that! Not important right now!
He waved a hand around and looked confused after a moment when nothing happened. Like he expected that to do something. “What a weirdo,” you think.
JESUS – Sorry about Cohozuñito here tryin' to eat you. He's uhh… Hungry, I assume? And you look like unfried food right now, frankly. So. Y'know.
YOU – Ah. Well. Um.
You turn and point at Cohozuñito.
YOU – Don't do that shit again.
Cohozuñito made a sad, apologetic sound, and nodded.
JESUS – 'Zuño understands now. You are not food. Won't happen again. He prommys!
YOU – … The fuck did you just say to me.
“Oh my god. Can this fucking guy understand the *literal fish* standing next to him.” You ask yourself.
You grab your notebook out once more and begin frantically writing.
·
YOU – Hello. For the love of god hello.
A moment passes.
PIECES – Heyyyy.
Oh thank God, the guy with braincells.
YOU – Please help. What the fuck is a Jesus.
PIECES [Trivial: Failure] – Uhmmmm. Dunno. Sorry.
YOU – Y'all are no goddamn help.
·
A sudden crashing sound interferes with your frenzied writing. You look towards the noise.
The Cohozuñito has opened the fridge, and from it, has pulled out an egg.
COHOZUÑITO – *Garbled noises*
JESUS – Crack it before you eat it! The shell is tough and will be sharp, my friend.
The Cohozuñito brings it to the stove and, unceremoniously, smashes it open with a hammer.
And from it, another man appears.
JESUS – … Huh.
COHOZUÑITO – *Guttural sounds*
JESUS – I suppose it could be called that, yeah.
You blink at the interaction. And then speak.
YOU – What?
JESUS – He said it's like a reverse ouroboros.
YOU – The fuck does that mean?
JESUS – Don't worry about it!
Jesus laughed nervously. Meanwhile, There is a whole entire other man in front of you three.
???? – Man… Whaddahell.
The stranger looks, well. Strange. And confused. He looks around at you, Jesus, and the Cohozuñito. He hops off the stovetop.
You feel like you're in a fever dream.
·
YOU – Are y'all seeing this shit there's a guy from an egg.
VOLTA DO MAR – Congrats to him for coming out!
YOU – NOT WHAT I MEANT.
·
The stranger gets his bearings quite quickly, though, and goes to give Jesus a high-five, which he accepts.
???? – Oh shit, hey Jesus!
JESUS – Hi Volo!
·
YOU – Ok. Dude's name is Volo. Noted. Why does he know Jesus.
PIECES – Everybody knows Jesus. Duh. Lol. Lmao, even.
YOU – Stop being a sarcastic little bitch you *know* I don't know who Jesus is!!!
·
You gently hit yourself on the face with your now-closed notebook, tired of everything.
YOU – I need. A drink.
You're speaking to nobody in particular, but Jesus heard you anyway, and is right by your side with a glass of red wine.
You decide not to question anymore shit, and take the drink without verbally acknowledging how weird that is.
Meanwhile, there's more commotion, once again ruining your concentration and by extension the conversation being held in your notebook.
The commotion being someone loudly opening the cabin door. The person responsible for the noise then hobbled in.
That person… Ah. You recognize him immediately!
It's Harry!
You dart towards him, happy to see *somebody* you finally recognize, blood and flour be damned! You scoop him up into a hug immediately, and he hugs you back just as tightly.
Yeahhh, those were definitely intrusive thoughts earlier. The smile on your face currently proves that. If anything happened to this man you would kill everyone in the room and then yourself, actually.
Morale restored.
Pulling away from the hug, you look Harry over and notice he looks like shit. Which… Isn't saying much, honestly!
YOU – Harry, you… Look like shit. Like, worse than usual. What happened?
He looks around. At the floor, at the ceiling, everywhere, while trying to think of what to say. He hums while putting his words together.
HARRY – Uhm. Uh. A lot?
YOU – Yeah, no shit!
You let Harry lean on you as you both walked back to the others. Before you could introduce him to everyone though, Harry, naturally, pulled some Bullshit™.
HARRY – Oh, hey Jesus!
He waved, and Jesus waved back. And you almost pushed him to the floor in annoyance! Why does everybody but you know who Jesus is!!!! Ugh. Okay. Fuck. Fuck! Fine.
NEW TASK: READ THE FUCKING BIBLE, I GUESS!
///
hello @white-boy-bracket here's. The next chapter 👍 co-written w @takemetotheastralagain who helped write the Cohozuñito & Volo!
Kim's Skills, btw:
Volta Do Mar — Kim's version of Inland Empire, embodies word salad/rambling/thought disorder shit
Paranoia — Self explanatory! 😃👍
Pieces — Kim's version of Encyclopedia, also self explanatory tbh HDJFJFJ
*These are all Skills our Kim fictive has btw do not @ us or anything. We're writing our fictive here not canon Kim ok thankyou JSJSJDJFIF
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