#-you dropped me so easily

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance - The World That Never Was

#kingdom hearts dream drop distance #khddd #the world that never was #scenery #my gif #i really love how sora's side of this world is dark and eerie and fully leans into how dreams can distort and twist reality #the city looks mostly normal at first aside from the ghostly fog that seeps down from buildings and drifts along the floor and rises up #but as you keep going the ground beneath you is no longer a street but rather the faces of more buildings that stretch over an abyss #it's no longer the sprawling city you first arrived in but instead an uncanny one way path towards your destination #the buildings now twist and contort and are crooked and grow out of the ground in all kinds of ways that make no logical sense #it's the first time that a sleeping world looks easily distinguishable from the real world. it looks wrong. like a nightmare #meanwhile riku's half contrasts heavily by appearing to be fairly normal #the interior of the real castle never made any practical sense so nothing here feels too out of place compared to how it usually looks #it shows how much more in control riku is in comparison to how sora is losing his grip on reality as he descends further into their trap #cool stuff! love me some environmental storytelling #also i finished giffing every world in this game yippee i'm done (is covered head to toe in blood)

[dilutedconfusion]

I did a thing…again.

Just realized that ya’ll need to click for better quality for some reason this post looks especially bad 🤚

#OKAY so this piece is a little old #I think I posted it on my twitter (of which I do not use anymore) and nobody really cared for it #WHICH IS FINE #I don’t make art for others I do it for me #BUT I know for a fact that some of you will definelty like this so I’m posting it on here as well #I added a WHOLE new just standing still sketch of Killer and a bunch of doodles to make it more fun #but technically the orginal piece was just the ‘in murder mode leaning over one’ #which I could post seperately if ya’ll wanna see that idk?? #ya know without the extra image of him and the doodles so its looks less like a collage #ANYWAYS back to the art I REALLY like how I drew Killer in this #LIKE HE LOOKS SO GOOD #ITS CRAZY #so pretty so lucious so cute #I’m literally obessed with drawing flame lighting #everything looks pretty in a nice warm glow #so yeah #he be standing #he be killing #hes killer #OH and all the doodles are of course easily apparent the rest are his trivia #oda thinks his flower is a snow drop #that boy would be a chef in a real world au #and one of his hobbies is playing the drums #so if ya’ll didn’t know that now you do #i also like to think how I wrote his name is how he signs his name #killer one piece #kid pirates #illustration #digital art #one piece

[puppyeared]

what if i snapped and made an oc carrd

#i mean.... i could #this isnt the first time ive thought of doing it but i drop ocs so easily its not even funny. so idk if itd be worth it #id consider toyhouse or smth but i dont have money lol. right now everythings on artfight but thats more for drawing purposes #what ocs would i even talk abt... i have some standalones like auggie and ocs i think look cool but dont plan on using #but some others have their own stories.. not like a huge thought out plot but something i pick up and twirl around in my head #like luckys whole deal is being a hiking guide who accidentally gets tied up with some werewolves pretending to be a hiking group to eat pp #and then i have the magician rivals. although i kinda wanna tie theirs with the nightguard and thief story ive been cooking. maybe in the #same universe? it would be pretty funny if they lived in the same apartment complex since a couple stories i have in mind revolve around th #its like some sort of omnibus or anthology to me. kicks my feet #and then fan characters like xin ya and sleight who i want to have their own expanded lore and stuff. i think that would be cool #im making crow a powerpoint of xins updated lore but the assignmence are making it hard. hopefully it turns out good though #i have a hard time writing personality and xins is always the hardest bc theyre probably the least like me. i tend to stick to #characters similar to myself to get in their head. but bc their backstory affects their personality so strongly i have to do some thinking #anyway. hopefully i remember this later #yapping #oc #oc talk #ive also been playing neko atsume recently for nostalgia and why did we as a society ever stop playing it. its so chill #you just take pictures of silly little cats and leave them silly little toys and treats. and the music is cute

[definitelynotshouting]

got tagged by my beloved @sillyfairygarden for the "list 5 songs you have on repeat" ask game :]

Forever by Noah Kahan which has been playing on loop in my brain for the past four days straight while i worked on my latest fic, which pulls some of the lyrics for its title!! Admittedly this song isn't my favorite by him, im more of a Paul Revere girlie, but i utterly adore the chorus and it massages my brain each time i hear it :]

Spectator by Friday Pilots Club which has like. THE dirtiest bass line ive heard in a while and also includes one of my magical earworm chord transitions in the chorus. Like holy shit. My brain is melting in the BEST of ways and ive been looping it whenever i want to feel action-y without actually thinking

On a much lighter musical note ive been listening a lot to Arboretum by Sparkbird since it first came out like two weeks ago, which like, shout out to the anon who introduced me to him im so hooked now. Im utterly obsessed with the different tempos and times meshed together in this song so seamlessly, and the lyrics are like POETRY (this song has also made it to my scarian playlist LOL the lyrics are so top tier for them imo)

. dont look at me but this is my number one song to loop when i need to get shit done and want an insanely catchy tune to do it with anyway go listen to Vending Machine of Love by The Stupendium i promise you it is so so funny and so so worth it (and full of INSANE wordplay too) (also it IS suggestive so keep that in mind if u go to listen)

This list would not be complete by me without a City and Colour song so i offer up The Love Still Held Me Near, which is SO GORGEOUS and constantly makes me think of lighthouses and fog and crashing seas.... this is my go-to loop for his songs rn its so full of life and energy while still feeling melancholy in a gorgeously aching way im OBSESSED OKAY GO LISTEN YOU WANNA LISTEN TO THIS SOOOO BAD GO GO GO ‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥

Okay i am tagginggggg.... @squish--squash @corvidaearts @cocoabats @emberglowfox @raichett :]

#shouting speaks #ask games #kinda??? #dkdjsjdndnd #anyway i could have put so much more but thats what im looping atm >:] it changes p frequently #i get songs stuck in my head REALLY easily so i end up having to loop them a lot to get it out of my system DKNDKSNDND #drop me an ask if you listen to any of these songs and enjoyed them :D #txt

[cheekblush]

i'd rather be friendless than to constantly have my boundaries disrespected

#i am so frustrated and annoyed rn #at the beginning of this year my ex best friend reached out to me and i cautiously let her back into my life #things were going great but now she turned a harmless topic into a full blown discussion even though i told her multiple times that i no.. #.. longer want to discuss this matter but she kept going & then accusing me of continuing the discussion as well #and tbh i really should've stopped engaging with her messages much sooner but it's so annoying when someone sends you lots of messages with #their opinion although i mentioned several times that i want to drop the topic & then i'm just expected to shut up lol #she didn't respect my wish to move and made a huge fuss about nothing #i stopped replying to her since yesterday bc i really had enough & i should've just left her on read much sooner #but her messages were truly annoying me #her last message now says that we often have different opinions & she thinks she's more optimistic than me & that makes it hard for her to.. #talk to me..... i was so dumbfounded when i read that this morning #our initial conversation was about whether a song is more pop or rnb....... & she twisted that into me being negative lmao #she was so obsessed with being right that she couldn't drop the topic even though i told her how exhausting the convo was for me #and like it's such an irrelevant topic... imagine being that obsessed with always being right 😭 #idc anymore i'd rather be a negative bitch than someone who disrespects others' boundaries <3 #i thought she changed for the better but she's so self-righteous opinionated & stubborn it's awful #i calmly told her that her behavior is bothering me & we easily could've just moved on but she kept going on and on #and she herself admitted that it's one of her flaws that she always has to be right & she's being petty & yet she didn't stop 🤡 #even writing all this down feels so silly to me bc the initial topic was sooooo trivial #am i supposed to feel sorry for thinking a song was rnb rather than pop???? like go touch some grass please #she even sent me a screenshot of the wikipedia page of the song to prove that it's rnb & it literally said synth pop & rnb lol #but i wasn't even mad about that her not respecting my wish to drop the topic & move on even though i said it multiple times really pissed.. #me off though.... like girl just let it go it's not that deep!!! #but apparently i'm negative & pessimistic for having a different opinion than her 🤷🏼‍♀️ #like imagine starting a fight over smth SO IRRELEVANT but i'm the negative one sure lmao #okay i just needed to get this off my chest bc i don't have anyone to talk to about this & it's just ridiculous to me #☁️

[aquilamage]

I haven’t been insane about Vi enough lately so time to pour out some random thoughts. free association thinking time:

been thinking about her “It's my savings. I wanna be rich, okay? So I can travel, eat well, buy cool stuff… So no one can say I can't do something!” And none of the following will really be insightful or revelatory because it’s just what she says here but. yeah! that’s vi! the main reason she’s so big on money is because she has to be to get what she wants out of life! it’s what lets her say no to people telling her what to do, and that’s important to her because she has no choice but to be independent and support herself. because no one else will. No one at the Hive had anything positive or supportive to say about her being an explorer until she went out and did it (to a ridiculously successful degree, too. I have to wonder if/how it might’ve differed if she was on a regular accomplishment level team. not the one leading them all to the mission to the Hive). she never had a choice not to be. I could also see that being a little part of why she starts out not really being a teamwork person. past experiences have taught her she can’t rely on anyone else for support. (does make me wonder about what if she’d met Chubee before leaving the Hive. obviously she still would’ve left, but how might even a bit of support have changed other things?)

I feel like we don’t talk about the fact that The Beemerang Is Also Knives enough

ok so at one point there was this post talking about people with money and how it affects their life like. if you can afford to get a nanny then you can only do the fun parts of childcare and when you stop feeling like taking care of the kid you can just hand them to someone else to take them away. and again likely not especially revelatory but I would guess that’s the kind of way queen bianca handled the bees as her daughters (she does care about them. absolutely. but not in the same hands-on attached way as we usually associate with parents) and thinking about how that kind of treatment would then apply to vi....hm

in universes where discussions of Gender and Pronouns etc happen I think she has moments where she gets frustrated with the everything of Being Referred To and Having Complicated Identity She Hasn’t Quite Figured Yet and is like. gender is cancelled how dare you refer to me. but especially anyone else calls me a girl ever i will be stabbing them

also I think a lot about what circumstances she finds out about gayness/Gender being things. and whether she’s thought about it in herself before and whether she’d been dismissed on it/told it wasn’t a thing etc. most circumstances she ends up angry about the finding out times because of (un)consicious internal conflict stuff

underground tavern stuff implies she was definitely doing quests and stuff for money with them precanon. would kill to know what specifically it was. but also the first talk with utter implies that she was doing stuff off that questboard as well which is even more intriguing. utter’s spy also implies you don’t have to be an explorer to do them but otherwise you would think you did I feel. so again very curious what was up there

#inspired by that girl blorbos post and also me trying to think about where in the game they drop facts and such about precanon stuff w her #the urge to try and fic about the stuff between her leaving the hive and showing up at the association....strong again #'the hive didn't do anything' my ass. vi might have also been a jerk but it's just that she was the more obvious #easily labeled incident version of it. she was active while her treatment was the subtle passive neglect type of bad treatment #complex situation and also. yeah #an aquila original #vi bug fables #bug fables #also featuring funky gender lesbian stuff because thats not even headcanon. to me #hopefully the reasoning out stuff doesn't just come out like a load of nonsense #vi's one of those characters where I definitely feel comfortable in writing her on a basic level but some parts I'm super insecure about #and the part with her is in really capturing the complexities of her backstory and family issues #and the thing is it's like. I have to remind myself that some parts of how canon did her on that are actually decent #and I should pay attention to those complexities. but then also canon definitely did some of their 'this hasn't really been earned' #resolution stuff on her. mostly thinking about the postcanon dialogue with Bianca. it's jsut too much of a jump for that for me #and it's not even that I necessarily think bianca's dialogue is out of character. it's that I'm contemplating whether it would've #made more sense for vi to get angry about it. like. #ok so. sometimes i think about what coming out to my family might be like. and I've come to the conclusion that if they were just accepting #despite the fact that it would be best case scenario I'd be angry about it. because they've said some shitty stuff in the past. in general #they've made me feel unsafe about myself. so no actually you don't get to just suddenly be chill about it now fuck you. #it doesn't change the past hurts #and I could see Vi being like that too. even if part of her is happy about getting what she wanted to start with she's pissed about #only getting it now. with a side helping of also wondering if the approval /now/ is only because she's been so successful about it #what if she hadn't been so specially favored by elizant? what if she hadn't been on the team that saved the world? why did she (maybe) have #to earn the approval she should've had from the start? #also not gonna get into this one right now but tweaking her story with jaune to acknowledge that theyre both at fault in different ways #(again). would be nice #but now I'm definitely veering into repeating myself type rambling territory so

[yellowhollyhock]

Anyone else always think of Ronin Mikey when Memories by Maroon 5

#tmnt #tmnt tlr #music #maroon 5 #the verses especially are very ronin feels #something about the beat seems like his flavor of grief #why does this song get to me every single time #is the human heart so easily solved #anyway #tlr mikey #I'll carry these torches for ya that you know I'll never drop

[20001541]

to think that if yoichi hadn't gone against afo then afo would've been able to fully take over society with minimal effort and then finally be able to get everything he's ever dreamed of

#he spent so many years chasing after yoichi it delayed his other plans for over a century #if yoichi had joined him from the start then he would've been able to dedicate all his time to taking over and then the bnha society would #look very different than how it looks now #says so much about a41 though in how he was willing to just drop everything and go after him even when it would've been far more- #beneficial to kill the ofa holders when they had ofa in their possession (and hori tells us he did get his hand on two of them while they- #still had ofa so he could've easily ended it all there but he didn't) #might've made a post like this before but to me it's so !!!!!!!!! says so much about a41 and his feelings towards yoichi #side note but also thinking of how shigaraki mom would feel about seeing a world where a41 won #I guess it depends on which type of shigaraki mom you choose to think about....

[worstloki]

i actually love the concept of thor and loki being aliens that have lived a thousand years of various experiences yes but also being considered young because they're *only* a thousand and haven't experienced a lot of things and have regular relationship problems

#clint pointing at thor enjoying coffee and going ''he's just like me fr'' and tony giving loki head pats to the latter's confusion #like bro they're very old but they're also like 25 max please go easy on them #no the complex relationships you have with family won't go away when you're ancient yes you're still going to find new things to experience #sometimes you've got wisdom through experience and sometimes you don't #sometimes you go through something multiple times and DON'T get the hang of it actually #thor and loki being the go-to for alien knowledge magic otherworldly ancient information but also fumbling and dropping a drink #etc. #so old but so young they could be around for the next 4000 years easily or they could have died yesterday

[thedreadvampy]

guess who's in 🎶troooouble🎶

New Boss does not appreciate my Vile Insubordination (giving an informed opinion in an email chain where she said some factually incorrect things and got called out on it - I said hey yep you're right that what she said isn't true but here's why it's still important to listen to our team)

and now we have to have a Quick Chattette about my Behaviour and Unsatisfactory Response (didn't apologise for being correct)

#red said #fuckin had it tbh #trying to become calm and balanced bc it will not be helpful for me to go in with this fuck you attitude #but. you know. fuuuuuuck you. #i have been doing this job for 2 years with huge success i do not need someone to redesign and micromanage everything i do #you can simply. do your job and let me do mine #instead of undercutting a huge chunk of work we've already done bc you don't know what you're talking about yet #the situation is she emailed without talking to either of us saying an obviously untrue thing which we could easily have corrected her on #the person she emailed came back like hey #that's not true though? #so i popped in like sorry i know this isn't a conversation I've been closely involved it but you're right and that's actually a whole thing #yeah the thing she said doesn't exist does in fact exist but we've been trying to phase out of for years and what's left is legacy stuff #and that's part of why we're unsure about making room for more of it to happen #felt reasonable. i was in the thread to begin with bc my opinion was being asked #so she was like oh why did you do that we probably should have talked about it first as a team #and I'm like YEAH WE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE but given that you DIDN'T and have inaccurate info then dropped offline #i assumed we weren't doing Team Responses #and she's NOT HAPPY with how i replied. i phrased it more politely than that but not by much #but you know what man? seems like a you problem. #sorry I'm a Quaker respect for authority is against my religion

[solarisgod]

It is genuinely so cute and endearing when the mun would take after their muse's habits or another way around, though.

#𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ OOC . › #[ I can't remember who starts first but me and Micah calling everyone with star as a prefix or suffix to their name ] #[ I wouldn't be surprised if Micah started it first since there's so many things that I had developed and took after them ] #[ like me having WINTER as my favourite season since the beginning of this year because of THEM... ] #[ like Micah ; I just!!! love to call everyone with the star added to their name / alias ; it's starfully cute and sweet!!! ] #[ I always get so so so happy when I do as it just makes me :3 💖✨💖✨💖✨ ] #[ I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE OKAY WITH THAT THOUGH... don't hesitate to ask me to drop the habit with you if not ] #[ since I can see this can be treated as a pet name / affectionate trait and I know some folks aren't comfy with that ] #[ I do tend to call those with the star who are closest / we known longest ] #[ if not our presences just hit each other off very well already that I'd feel more easily comfy to call them as so ] #[ BUT PLEASE DO LEMME KNOW IF UNCOMFY... I am just a silly lil' astrohound so full of celestial love 🌟 ]

[littledreamling]

(fic idea, angst, hurt/no comfort, major character death) When Dream gets imprisoned, when Hob gets stood up, when the White Horse gets torn down, something breaks in Hob, something empty and cold, something like a black void, something like his heart. Life is hard for immortals; he has to move, had to change his name, has to reinvent himself every other decade or so. Technology makes staying under the radar just that much harder; moving his money around has gotten almost impossible; finding a legitimate job is out of the question (he was born before National Insurance Numbers, he’s had to lie about his entire existence to even get housing, much less a way to pay for said housing). It’s exhausting and the prospect of every new move is daunting. It overpowers any joy that life still has for him. So he lets the White Horse get torn down and he doesn’t build a replacement. He holes himself up in his flat for too long, drinks too much, and when his mind gets too loud, when he slowly comes to the realization that there is nothing left for him, not without significant danger to himself, he bites the bullet and calls for Death. And Death, an Endless, bound to her duty, offers her hand and a gentle smile and takes his soul, a soul that is long overdue for her comfort

When Dream escapes, his focus is on his tools, on the retrieval of his power and his wayward creations, on restoring his realm. Only once that is complete does his sister seek him out, to break his moody reverie. Their conversation follows much the same lines, except instead of mentioning how much Dream’s pet project would love to see him, she grows uncharacteristically somber at the mere mention of immortals. She seems to be mourning someone, though Dream can’t guess who. Surely, Mad Hettie hasn’t finally succumbed to his sister’s sweet embrace? When pressed, Death seems shocked that he doesn’t know; she slowly and softly tells him that Hob had asked for her gift.

The world grinds to a halt.

Dream can’t believe it. He refuses to. Hob, his ever-faithful, ever-hopeful, ever-joyful Hob? Asking for Death’s gift? It seems impossible. Yet Death is not one for cruel jokes, and she is deathly serious. There is a grief in her eyes that assures him of the truth; Hob is gone from the mortal realm.

At first, he is angry. How could she grant him that which she had withheld for so long? How could she rob the world of his soul? How could she? How could she? How could she? He collapses with it, right there on the sidewalk, tears made of stars and space dust welling in his eyes and she holds him, holds him together as he falls apart. She tells him that she had no choice; she is bound to her function, just as all of the Endless are. Hob had asked, she had to give.

Then, he is desperate. His Ravens, they had been mortals once, too. Surely, Hob had chosen to stay in the Dreaming. Surely, Hob had not abandoned this universe forever to face the unknown beyond. Surely, Hob would choose to stay, as he had chosen to stay so many times over during the course of his long life. But even as he looks into his sister’s eyes, hopeful beyond hope, pleading for reassurance, he knows it is not true. He is the Dreaming and the Dreaming is him. With Dream gone, there had been no Dreaming for Hob to stay in. He had had no choice; his soul passed on. He was gone, well and truly gone. Hob Gadling had breathed his last.

When it came time for Dream to destroy the vortex, even after discovering his familial connection, even after discovering the ruination that would result from her death, he did not hesitate. The spilling of family blood would be the end of his physical body, but his spirit had died with Hob. There was a numbness in the empty cavity where his heart would be if her were mortal; the Dreaming grew dull and grey; a fog hung low over the landscape, broken only by intense storms that flooded the entire realm for months at a time. And when the Kindly Ones came to claim their revenge for the blood on his hands, he surrendered willingly. This universe held nothing for him anymore. And when he gazed into his sister’s understanding eyes, at the end of it all, he hoped with a hope beyond belief, that Hob Gadling would be waiting for him on the other side

#*drops this and scrambles back to the shadows like a gremlin* #I’m so sorry #is this supremely out of character? yes #100% ooc #but that’s what makes it so fascinating #angst #sorry Levi lmao #I don’t think Hob would give up on life so easily; no matter how hard life got #and I don’t think Dream would give up simply because Hob died #but it would be a gut-wrenching fic #especially told from Dream’s POV where he gets out and continues with canon like normal #until the events of ep6 and his entire world comes crashing down #feel free to mess with the timeline to increase the angst at will #(like if Hob asks for death the same day that Dream escapes) #again I’m so sorry #this is the most depressing fic idea I’ve ever written #and now I release it onto all of you #do with it what you will #I would love to read any fics that stem from it! #feel free to cuss me out in the notes and/or replies #or feel free to DM me; I’d love to talk about this bc I have so many thoughts and feelings about it #dream of the endless #morpheus #the sandman #sandman netflix #hob gadling #dreamling #death of the endless #fic ideas #fic prompts

[hamletteprinceofdenmark]

the thing in ad astra/de terra that lights up my brain like nothing else is the concept of cariad beads

cariad beads and cariad braids fuck so incredibly hard and I think about it constantly

#event horizon series #de terra #Hellenite #like!!! #a physical representation of your bond to each other (and the bond of those who come before and the promise of those who will come after) #and it’s an ACTIVE RITUAL #you have to consistently rebraid each other’s hair #it’s not static or easily removable like a wedding ring #that you can take off at a drop of a hat #It’s BRAIDED IN BUDDY GOOD LUCK #it reminds me how in corset wearing time people who wore dresses needed to have someone else (usually their partner) tie up the back #so you would know if someone was having an affair cause it would be knotted differently #and the RITUAL of it all #it’s a formalised acts of service #it’s time that you HAVE to make for each other #connect with each other #care for each other #I bet there’d be a whole thing in ender culture of seeing sloppily done or clearly neglected braids #like 😬 #what a tell tale on the state of your relationship #WHAT ABOUT PARTNERS WHOS CARIAD HAD DIED OR ABANDONED THEM AND THEY LEAVE IT IN #like they can’t bare to take it out but also they Literally Can’t Rebraid It #like?!?!? #it’s So Good

[snowyfrostshadows]

It's all fun and games until it isn't

#dumb doodles #master m au #1) i think it'd be neat if he tagged along with the other minions sometimes not to help but to follow around the hero(s) to make them laugh #the princess and the green guy are doing this hero thing all WRONG #they should be happy and smile because that's what heros are supposed to DO #the turtle gets it; he seems thrilled as heck during all this #plus....there's just something extra annoying about greenie not enjoying being the main hero and being so /miserable/ looking.... #2) ....does. anyone else think mario might... subconsciously internalize his image as a hero? #like; don't get me wrong; he loves helping others and is by default; a happy lil guy #but...it probably is a lot of pressure to be that constant rock and source of comfort #he's probably mostly okay with it and it probably doesn't cross his mind to be resentful or bitter about always being the hero #there's just this small small; easily ignorable part of him that's tired of it #that the mister m persona brings to the forfont in a kinda ugly way if you crack that mask hard enough #in other words; if he drops the smile; then i think his more bitter thoughts and feelings he hides both as mario and master m #are a bit more...obvious if that makes sense #ANYWAYS THOSE BOYS ARE GONNA NEED SOME THERAPY AFTER THIS #3) i. honestly forgot if the mimi fight was before or after the first mr. l one lmao #i just wanted to do some silly puns before the sucker punch #anyways; it's an au; luigi probably isn't collecting hearts in the proper order chaotic lil man he is #super mario #mario #luigi

[bread-of-death]

Whelp. I just emailed the Dean.

#bread hates college now I guess #if you see this without seeing the post I made the other day #basically I was wrongly dropped from an online course #I don’t know if it’s a mistake or if the professor is just a dick #but I got dropped from the course and it’s a required credit for me #the main problem has to do with financial aid I was receiving #it only applied to this semester and we have been sternly informed that it will not carry over to the next semester #so if I have to take the class or an equivalent again #that could be a minor problem #I mean money isn’t an issue- but like- if I were someone else and it *was* #what the fuck then #are they just gonna say ‘tough luck’ like ??? c’mon dude #cuz I don’t want to take this course or this professor now- and I certainly won’t be doing it this semester #it was already a compressed course- 15 weeks down to 10 #and this is setting me back by at least one week- probably more like three #so I could very easily be failing with no chance of regaining footing if I get put back into the course #and that’s if I do amazing on all the work- which I realistically know I won’t and can’t #so I’m going to take a different course that satisfies the requirement next semester instead of this semester #but the problem there is that I’m almost certain that the financial aid won’t transfer #and that’s a huge pain in the ass and also entirely *wrong* #cuz like- what if I really did need that money? #and they dropped me from a course I need to graduate- without ever contacting me personally about dropping me from the course- after I had- #-already shown participation in said course #so like.. b r u h. #at the very least. they could’ve talked to me directly about what the issue was #cuz at this point I don’t even know what the problem is #anyways #I’m frustrated and tired

[derpinette]

as soon as i want to relax i start thinking about how vulnerable my vitals are

#like when it is time for me to sleep or on the bus or just walking about outside #i always have my sides “hugged” sort of & i always worry about the back of my neck showing #( could entice someone into stabbing me there ) like on the bus or in class i keep thinking about how easily #someone behind me could just snap & stab me in the neck #i am a paranoid person like this in general in 2019 i was too scared to wear my hair in pigtails because i was paranoid some crazy person #with scissors would cut them off & run away ( sometimes i start thinking too much & it starts going into witchcraft territory ) #( like OMG i am så going to get cursed for a laugh or out of boredom using those !!!!! same with nail grooming i only file ) #anyway so when i try to sleep i keep thinking about how someone could just barge into my house & stab me in the kidneys & chest #& it feels so real so i have to curl up into a ball so the thought goes away #but then i think like any position is stabbable & nothing i do can protect me. no one say guns i am north african #maybe i need to start hiding weapons under my clothes again just to feel safer i used to hide blades in my bra when i was crazy in 2020 #i think i am getting back there lately but surely this is fine whatever. Who caare & i mean that genuinely i have already been there #butUGH I HATE feeling so vulnerable to The Killer like i know what wendy williams means but honestly the thought of not dying scares me moa #kind of like how the anticipation of a needle is scary only you get stabbed or attacked & bludgeoned in various ways #like anyone can do anything at any timeeven when i was a kid i would be walking places & think someone could so easily drop a bomb right no #or how gas cylinders can explode at any moment. & then i start visualizing & Feeling until my ears ring. anyway #sorry for my Sick & Twisted Dark & Sinister Mind #journaling. or like.something.