#..... you don't understand what this post is about. i should not have to fucking list out the events of the riot

[six-of-ravens]

I would really like a single office day where I don't come home and play an evening-long game of Am I The Asshole?

#i probably am #coworker got mad at me today bc she used chatg/pt to write a list of revisions for me #and what it wrote was both incredibly condescending (chat/gpt feels the need to explain the basic rules of design like you're an infant) #and way longer than it should've been (we ask everyone to keep their posts short and sweet so that we don't have to read a whole paragraph #to figure out what the hell they want us to do) #so anyway i just told her 'pls just write out the tasks we don't need a whole chatg/pt essay for this' #and that made her mad bc she 'wrote everything up so nicely!' (no you didn't bitch) #so anyway we're caught in a loop of both thinking the other is a fucking asshole who's being a dick for no reason #also i sent her 2 screenshots just to explain that I'd thought 2 things were different sizes and she went ballistic #anyway... it's annoying bc i think she's our best designer but also. very much starting to not like her as a person #maybe i complimented her work too much. the other week she wrote out changes BY HAND that were perfectly clear and good #and i told her as much in the meeting #so....i guess this time she decided to use chatgpt? to be massively condescending bc CLEARLY i didn't just type thr wrong number somewhere #nooooooo CLEARLY i just don't understand web design at all! #also she got in a snit about 'of course X is Y pixels tall! we do all those meetings where we discuss the grid size!!' #which like....i am in those meetings and they are just the one dev trying to convince the designers to use the grid #and them coming up with a million reasons not to #sooooooo fuck me i guess for not expecting you to use the grid when all you do is piss yourselves about how were stifling your creativity #ANYWAY. so yeah maybe i am the asshole but in my defence don't use a fkn ai to write something that should take like 5 mins to write

[taylor-titmouse]

hey i want to talk about how you should be promoting your work as an erotic author/illustrator

i'm writing this up because the marketing aspect of my work as an erotic author/illustrator is a science to me, and also because i'm the guy who gets unreasonably annoyed when i see other creators not properly advertising their work. you presumably want to make money off your work. this post will be written under the assumption you want to make money off your work but are doing a bad job at it. it will be very confrontational. if you read this and feel attacked you're right and i am attacking you.

this is geared toward selling erotic comics/writing/books/art as products. i will probably write more than one post about this subject so if i didn't touch on something you want to know more about, comment/send me an ask and i'll keep it in mind for the next one.

i will start with my first and least specific but most important point:

DON'T GET FUCKING CUTE

hi are you paying attention. i'm gripping you by the sides of your face. do not get fucking cute with what you are trying to sell. you are not a big enough property to get cute, nobody LIKES it when big properties get cute, and you are selling porn. you have to own this. you have to be up front about this. don't be tongue in cheek, don't be all teehee i wonder what this could be~, don't be secretive. you are selling a product. you have to fucking act like it. you are an adult selling pornography to other adults. i am GRIPPING your HEAD you NEED to understand this.

and to be clear when i say 'cute' i mean coy. i don't mean cutesy, as in the aesthetic. you can be as hello kitty pastel ten emojis a post uwu as you like when you're building your audience and generating hype. but when you start trying to sell, don't be vague, don't be sarcastic, don't mislabel your work as a joke and assume everyone is on it. because they're not.

you must always assume 75% of the people seeing the thing you are advertising have no fucking idea who you are. and that includes a huge chunk of the people who already follow you. they do not know who you are or what you've been working on for two months or why they should care about it. they just got here. somebody just reposted it. they are seeing it for the first time. most people are only looking at social media for a tiny chunk of their day. they are not keeping up with you. you cannot get cute about what you are trying to sell because nobody knows what it is until you tell them.

okay are you still with me. we are going to talk about clarity now.

YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHAT IT IS

good lord the amount of times i have gone to buy somebody's comic or book and had no idea what's actually in it or what it's about. who are the characters? why should i care about them? what do they do in it? what is the premise of this thing you want me to spend $5 on? why would you not tell me? i'm shaking you again. please i have to know what i'm buying i only have so much money to spend on porn.

porn, arguably more than any other genre, relies on knowing exactly what is in it. you do not want to surprise your readers with a kink they were unaware of! and on the flip side, you do not want to miss out on your target audience! if your book contains a hot spider babe laying eggs in an elf, you have to say so. not just so people who don't want to read about eggs know it isn't for them, but so the people who are egg crazy can see that and go "oh fuck YES i love EGGS here is my $5 and an extra $2 tip for catering to me specifically". a contents/features list is as much an advertisement as it is a warning!

as for re: who the characters are and why should i care, i'm sorry but you need to learn how to write sales copy. you have to write blurbs. you have to get good at the shit that goes on the back of a book. we all hate it but we have to do it. i want to know who the characters are and what the context is. i, personally, am not interested in contemporary stories as much as fantasy and historical. please tell me what genre this porn exists in so i know if it aesthetically appeals to me. pull some books off your shelves and see how they do it. hell man go look at mine.

while you're there, note that every single book of mine has a sample of what's in it. this feels like such a no-brainer to me but again! the amount of times i have gone to buy somebody's work and they don't show me what their work looks like! you gotta give me the first page or two! just enough that i know if i like the way your writing sounds, or the way you draw your comics! i don't know you! i am not going to trust that you're good at what you do just based on a cover. the cover is to get me to this step, it is not the only step. you have to show me that you're worth spending my money on!

to put it less cynically, you want to catch my interest. you want me to go 'oh i want to see more of this', you want me to go 'ahh i want to know where this goes!' you need to get me invested and craving more. earn my $5!!!

YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT EASY TO GIVE YOU MONEY

hey go look at your bio right now. go look at your pinned post. do you have a link to your patreon there? do you have a link to your itchio/gumroad/whatever? do i have to click more than once to get to the places you want me to go to give you money? why? why are you making me click twice? have we learned nothing from every website making you click an extra time when they make some stupid UI update and how much it pisses us off? i have already given up, i have forgotten you, i am not giving you my $5 today. put your links in the easiest places to get to them.

god literally as i was writing this post i went to go find somebody's itchio to see how they described their work and it was not anywhere on their profile. grabbing you and shaking you PUT THE LINK WHERE I CAN FIND IT. don't make it hard! make it easy! i am a dickhead sitting on the toilet scrolling, saw your post, and was interested enough to read further. but you made me go to your bio to find your linktree and oops i have already gone back to my timeline to look at the boobies in the next post. stop wasting precious bio space on DNIs and put your fuckin links there!!!

this is more for the twitter people, but: just put the link in the damn post. just say the word commission. just say it's for patreon. "wuh wuh the algorithm" it is not the damn algorithm it's that everybody hates advertising and nobody wants to retweet ads. putting slashes in the words doesn't do anything and you look like a fool. i have posted so much art that says it's 'a commission for ___" and it did exactly as good as any other art despite having the word commission in it. and by doing the slashes you just made it impossible for anybody to search your account for your commission information (which should be at the VERY LEAST in a post under your pinned tweet if you're not actively posting about them being open).

okay that went on a tangent i'm going to back to the point of putting the link in the tweet. put it in the first post. not in the first reply. don't tell them to go to your bio. put it in the post people are actually going to share. it's fine to put more information in the thread but people are only ever going to share the first post. so put the link there. you have to make it easy. putting links in tweets can hurt you algorithmically, even in the replies. so you're better off having it in the post that actually gets seen and shared. i don't want to open the tweet and scroll to get to your sales page where i ASSUME you will have put all the information anyway. put it in the tweet that just got retweeted by itself onto my dash!

also you have to share it a ton of times. i repost my shit every few hours when i'm trying to push a new product. as i said before people are not 24/7 looking at their timelines. they missed it the first time. they missed it the second time. they didn't get paid yet that week but they were after the eighth time and you reminded them again so they finally bought it. that i will still get sales every time i repost a book ad weeks after release says there are always people who missed it, or who only just showed up.

abandon your pride and shill. shills pay their bills. anyone who gets annoyed about it isn't giving you money in the first place. don't worry about looking like a sell out. don't apologize for plugging your own work. post about it often, post about it in different ways. post about it. post about it. you are not going to make money if people don't know you have something to sell them. if you want to make a career out of it, you need to act like it.

I DON'T HAVE A FOURTH POINT

kisses your forehead. i'm sorry for yelling at you. i've been making and publishing and selling adult art for the past two-three years and have got myself to the point where it pays my rent, and i got there by paying attention to what does and does not work.

please do your best to make money. i want you to make money.

as i said above i plan to write more posts on this subject, such as cover design, how to actually write sales copy, and best practices with running a patreon, but if there's things you would want to hear more about leave a comment or send an ask! i will probably be less aggressive on future topics. these are just things that have grinded my gears for a grip.

#tt talks writing #tt talks drawing

[sexygaywizard]

I've been seeing a lot that people are really surprised and upset that pissvortex got banned, and while I think it's fucked up and shitty that he did get banned, I also don't think it's very surprising because- and here's something I think a lot of non-TERFs don't understand- TERFs navigate this website very differently from the rest of us. The standard reaction to any non-TERF encountering a TERF is to block them, and generally not engage. You know, we have block lists of TERFs that go around. TERFs themselves, they don't really do this shit. They don't have huge block lists of trannies- I mean that would be like 80% of the fucking site- what they do is they keep watch of accounts that they really fucking hate and they hang out in their little discord servers because they're petty and vicious and have nothing better to do than fill their lives with poison and venom, and they harass you to provoke you, and when you say some shit about how terfs should kill themselves or be scalped, they share it around between themselves and mass report it. And absolutely no large social media website, not Tumblr, not Twitter, not Facebook, is going to see a post that received hundreds of reports where you said that somebody should be scalped and think, "Oh but was the other person being like a real huge asshole though?" That's not how they work. They just ban you. Whatever moderator is managing that shit does not care enough to look into the larger societal wide context of why you said that. I'm not saying this to say that you should be kind to or play nice with TERFs, I'm just saying this so that you can perhaps have an awareness of how some of your posts may look to a moderator who's received hundreds of reports about them. They're playing a different game, so play smart

#and maybe get together with your friends and report their posts where they viscerally describe how they want to castrate all penis-havers #i talk

[astraltrickster]

I feel we're at a point where we need to step back and consciously remind ourselves that posting ANYTHING personal online is a risk. It should be a calculated one.

Companies that run major websites HAVE to stay above board with the law, no matter how shit that law is, unless they're small enough to just dissolve and hide and pop up again under a different name later (usually meaning sole proprietorships) or big enough to be granted an unofficial "yeah we'll just look the other way because we want that sweet sweet lobbyist money" exception (in which case it's usually NOT gonna be the shit laws they're breaking). Meaning you should REALLY think twice about posting about anything illegal, and you should NOT be shocked when posts recommending illegal activity get nuked from a semi-major website.

This also means that if you're on a platform that's not DESIGNED for privacy - which, in many cases, includes the implicit purpose of enabling breaking certain laws the platform creators think are stupid, though they can't admit to it (just like how you can sell bongs in states where weed is still illegal but you have to SAY they're "for tobacco use only") - you have to operate under the assumption that ANYTHING you say can be intercepted and monitored. Again - unless the platform is explicitly there for privacy, unless your communication is end-to-end encrypted, unless the cops have reason to understand and believe that the logs don't EXIST, assume ANY platform host will hand over a complete log of everything you've said there and where you said it from to the cops upon request.

In addition, posting publicly about things that are typically protected by certain privacy laws can undermine the protection from those laws. "Reasonable expectation of privacy" is a legal term. You have it with things you say in private in your home. You have it to an extent with quiet conversations you have with a friend at a coffee shop. You DON'T have it with things you scream on a public street - and you DEFINITELY don't have it with things you post online with your legal name and actual human face attached.

I say this, because for the past few years I've noticed a disturbing trend of people assuming this is a uniquely bad EXCEPTION to a general free-for-all, and not...the rule. This is the default! This isn't a uniquely evil thing about Facebook or Twitter or Discord or anywhere else! It's not a "tumblr is secretly betraying us right under our noses" thing! This is just the reality of operating a website under the legal systems that exist! Even if it's a site whose operators' internal values are truly aligned 100% with yours, you STILL have to assume they're going to sing like a canary because, come on, do you really expect them to sacrifice themselves over one (1) user? Maybe a tiny forum of friends would, but no company is going to do that.

And that's not even getting into what happens when it's not a host/operating company or organization, but just some individual asshole other user with an axe to grind.

Tl;dr remember that We Live In A Society, stop expecting people and companies not to cover their asses, be careful about what you share online, and learn to use actual encrypted services. Sure, Facebook and other shitty entities like to pretend the internet is a super cool safe playground where all but doxxing yourself does more good than harm, but they're blatantly fucking lying. Talking about your disabilities is a risk. Talking about being queer is a risk. Talking about anything that might become illegal in your area is a risk. CALCULATE THOSE RISKS BEFORE YOU TAKE THEM instead of doing the shocked Pikachu face when your post of detailed instructions for how to firebomb a police station gets taken down and you get put on a list because you left it perfectly traceable to your real identity.

#internet safety

[fairyhaos]

How To Fucking Write: a guide by fairyhaos

[masterlist]

this post details:

DIALOGUING INTERESTINGLY

hi gays and gals! the first post on starting and pacing a story did really well, so "how to fucking write" is back, with yet more advice and tips for everyone ^^ please feel free to let me know if there's something you want me talk about, because i'll be more than willing to see if i can help. also a reminder that i have a taglist for this series as well, and please reblog if you find this helpful :)

# - HOW TO DIALOGUE.

.. bullet point one : grammar

okay guys, as a native english speaker, i'll be the first to tell you that this language fucking sucks in terms of its grammar, but when it comes to dialogue, understanding how it works even to some extent will help you branch out and vary the way you write dialogue, which makes it so much more interesting.

with dialogue tags (said, asked, etc) if the punctuation mark in the dialogue is not a ! or ? then it should be a comma.

example : [junhui + castle]

as you can see in the first line, a comma is used rather than a full stop, because the sentence hasn't been finished yet. there's a dialogue tag, ('you correct'), that comes after it. and since the pronoun 'you' isn't a proper noun (i.e. a name) then it shouldn't be capitalised, because, again, the sentence hasn't been finished.

with action tags however, (he smiled, he stood up, etc) then it should be a full stop.

example : [i just made one up bc i don't use this a lot lmao]

"I disagree." He stood up, and walked over to close the door. "This isn't safe. You shouldn't go alone."

and now, since there is a full stop, it indicates that the speech is a sentence all by itself. that means the next word ('He') ought to be capitalised.

but the key part when grammar-ing dialogue in order to make it interesting depends on where you put the action and grammar tags.

if you constantly have lines that are just:

"dialogue," he said.

"dialogue," she said.

"dialogue but a bit longer," he said.

... then it can get repetitive, and annoying. by varying your dialogue structure, it can create more interesting dialogue.

example : [minghao + password]

there's a variety of dialogue and action tags being used with each line of dialogue, preventing everything from sounding too repetitive.

the first line starts with a normal sentence, and an action tag. the second is a standalone line of dialogue with no tags. the second has the action tag in the middle of the dialogue. and the last has a dialogue tag in the middle of the dialogue.

by varying the ways in which you write your dialogue, it makes everything a lot more interesting.

.. bullet point two : verbs and adverbs

the easiest way to make dialogue interesting, though, is to use fancy words.

this can be by replacing 'said' with a range of other dialogue tags (see this really comprehensive list for a whole variety of different words), but i'd advise against overusing these. 'said' is your friend! it's the invisible dialogue tag, helps your reader read through your dialogue in comfort, but of course, if you wanna add a nuanced way of describing the dialogue, then replacing 'said' is the easiest way to make your dialogue interesting.

but don't overuse these. for me, i'd focus on action tags and adverbs.

use interesting adverbs that add description to how a character is saying something can go miles. and using action tags that break through what could have been a long section of characters just talking? it helps so much.

i'd recommend having onelook thesaurus open as you write. you don't have to type in just words: phrases, the overall vibes of the word you're thinking of, all of that can be typed into the thesaurus and they'll provide you with pretty good results each time.

it also really helps when you've forgotten a word and can only remember vague bits of what the word should feel like.

.. bullet point three : voices

the best way, however, is ultimately to create a character. write a personality for them, bring them to life, think about the way in which they would talk and then put that down onto paper.

it's difficult, perhaps the most difficult to do, because it's also so tricky to advise someone on how to do this. it's all about the character you want to create, the personality you envision for them, and the only person who can fully write that is you.

however, i would find a few 'ticks' of theirs and use them as indicators in your writing.

for example, in my seoksoo long fic, seokmin's tick is that he always "chirps" what he's saying. and beams. a lot. this identifies his character, makes him unique(ish), and establishes his personality and differs him to the other characters.

but ultimately, it comes down to word choices, when you're writing a character voice.

like, your character describing something with elegant, floral language vs them going "this is so pretty". or perhaps making them stumble over their words when they're panicked vs them simply just going silent when they're flustered.

it's about being specific. about making choices with your words that would have english teachers analyse and unpick your writing, hundreds of years later.

(even if it's fanfic. especially if it's fanfic: because who knows how many fans may join your fandom in the next few years?)

... and that's it ! if anyone has anything else they want advice on (how to structure, how to write dialogue, how to plan etc) then just shoot me an ask, because i'd love to help however i can :)

tagging (comment/send ask to be added!): @selenicives @stqrrgirle @weird-bookworm @eternalgyu @blue-jisungs (tough luck guys btw but youre gonna be tagged in this entire series ehehehe)

#a guide by fairyhaos #fanfic #svt fanfic #svt fic #seventeen #txt #svt #seventeen fanfic #fanfiction #writing #creative writing #writers of tumblr #writing prompt #writeblr #writing community #tomorrow x together #txt x reader #svt x reader #kpop writing #ao3 #ao3 writer #ao3 fanfiction

[frail-and-freakish]

today, april 11th, is the anniversary of Mel Baggs' death. Mel Baggs was one of the early founders of the neurodiversity movement and believed that no one was too disabled for human rights, something that modern nd movements fail to understand to this day. sie was so instrumental to my understanding of literally everything. sie died from medical ableism and neglect during the beginning of the pandemic. we would be nowhere fucking near where we are now without hir. i've decided to make a masterlist of some of my favorite posts of hirs, organized into different categories.

(some of these are listed in more than one category because they overlap so much)

here are some of the "essentials" (what you might have already read by hir/should read first):

hir memorial site hosted by ASAN:

In My Language

the oak manifesto

There is ableism at the heart of your oppression, no matter what your oppression might be

Getting The Truth Out (many pages, parody of bad autism awareness campaign called "getting the word out")

the meaning of self-advocacy

what makes institutions bad

aspie supremacy can kill

here are some of hir beautiful writings on perceiving/communicating with hir environment as an autistic person, and on communication in general:

up in the clouds and down in the valley: my richness and yours

distance underthought

the naked mechanisms of echolalia

empty mirrors and redwoods

the fireworks are interesting

hir tumblr tag #sensing (@withasmoothroundstone)

on personhood and who has the authority to take it away:

being an unperson

what it means to be real

empty mirrors and redwoods

on institutions and the I/DD service system:

caregiver abuse takes many forms

"i don't know that person's program"

what my home means to me

dd service system tag

god help the critic of the dawn: glamour and its fallout

what makes institutions bad

post on the JRC

outposts in our heads

on online social justice communities/their inaccessibility:

Your politics have a problem when they contradict the real-life experiences of the people they're supposed to be about.

politics, ethics and mental widgets

hir tumblr tags #outside the wall and #little packages (@withasmoothroundstone)

misc:

The Bones My Family Gave Me

Please violate only one stereotype at a time

My sort of people, just as real as theirs.

Reviving the concept of cousins

gender tag

this is hir poems and creative works:

this is hir writing on autistics.org:

may hir memory be a blessing/revolution.

#mel baggs #z”l #autism #actually autistic #autism acceptance month #autism awareness #disability #disability rights #disability justice #mushroom.txt #actuallydd #autism acceptance #actuallyautistic #tagging this in All The Tags so people see it #autism awareness month #autistic #autistic spectrum #autistic things #asd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #i/dd

[weebsinstash]

Thinking bout how mean demi Alastor would be regarding the post cheating/meltdown/breakup sex… he’s still a sadist and now that he’s more comfortable with physical intimacy and like 20% more deranged that def gets reflected in his “catering to your needs”. Overstim, edging, anything that leaves you at his “mercy”

Reader, visibly sweating because YOU know that HE knows most of the dirty dirty nasty NASTY SHENANIGANS you've committed in the last month or two of Just Straight Up Sluttery: so Alastor, now that you've discovered this new part of yourself, surely you've, uh, developed some new tastes and healthy outlets for intimacy?

Alastor, who's just spent the last several weeks rounding up all your sexual partners and he does mean ALL of them to torture every last detail of what you did out of them, and has recently discovered how much he likes the feeling of a riding crop in his hands, along with a list of kinks where cheating/cuckoldry is definitely NOT one of them: oh yes :) healthy outlets :) so anyways my pet, about your punishment--

You're just like "ok Alastor um, since you're new to this and old fashioned you probably want to, cuddle, and, ease into it, and--" bitch he wants to tie you up. Bitch he has developed SUCH a craving for watching you tied up and helpless because, oh you're so sweet and vulnerable and need him to protect you ❤️ his sweet vulnerable little doe ❤️ aw, your struggling is so cute ❤️ do you want to be let go? Guess you better beg nice and pretty~

I dunno man... I was LITERALLY discussing a concept like this with an asexual buddy of mine actually, the amount of aces horny for Alastor is giving, truly, and we were MUTUALLY like, "listen... listen... asexuality is real and we respect that, ok... but it's also a spectrum... and I want this man going his entire life and afterlife not caring or having a taste for those things UNTIL he meets you and he has to deal with, discover, and come to understand all his new desires" and I keep thinking of multiple ways to swing that?

Just him having his equivalent of his first schoolboy crush and not knowing why he can't stop himself from laughing at your jokes? Why is he suddenly so... POSSESSIVE of your company? Why does he want to hurt the men who come around you even more than usual? He goes to Rosie for advice and she's just, DROPPING HER TEA CUP, "oh ALASTOR HONEY, you've got yourself a little crush!!" and all but squealing with delight as she wants ALL the details and, well, Rosie IS a trusted friend... and once he starts talking about you, he can't stop himself for some reason, he just enjoys sharing little details and stories and things about you amd, oh gosh Rosie you should hear this thing that happened the other day it was just the most charming little--

I want this man coming to take you back and he's kicking some door down and he finds you THROATING A GUY. I want it AWKWARD. I want him finding you doing something that immediately makes everyone involved go OH SHIT. I want some dude freaking out hollering "THE RADIO DEMON?!" because he and a buddy were spitroasting you on your hands and knees and you give a very recognizable "alastor????" around the dude's meat CLEARLY KNOWING THE GUY and your unlucky one night stand has his Oh Fuck moment as he makes perfect eye contact with the notorious cannibal who is currently witnessing this, uh, gentleman having his hand fisted in your hair as he--

Just the mental image of, it's the end of the night or even the morning and the fucking sun is coming up or, their time equivalent of sunrise since I don't think they have like days and nights, but, Alastor is just sitting there reading a book humming to himself, completely put together not a hair out of place, with candles going, a gentle song on the radio, and beside him you're just facedown completely naked in bed with welts all over your ass as his shadow gives you a nice aftercare massage. Dude just sips some coffee, humming and smirking as he regards you "now did we learn our lesson about... making impulsive unsafe decisions without consulting our partner?"

you, still face down as your legs still refuse to stop shaking: that if I want to get fucked really hard all I have to do is commit adultery?

Alastor, who has recently discovered all the Super Fun New Ways he can fuck 'discipline' you for riling him up and getting him jealous on purpose because now that he's finally acting like this it's all but making you a cat in heat 'being a brat', smiling with legitimate sadistic glee as he reaches for a pair of leather gloves: incorrect :)

#yandere hellaverse #yandere x reader #yandere hazbin hotel #alastor x reader #yandere stuff #AND THEN VOX FINDS OUT AND HES SO FUCKING JEALOUS. 'OH SO YOU CAN FUCK T H E M BUT NOT ME' $*$&“ #sinprompts #hh

[the-head-ancho-chilli]

The Hashira and their Sense of Humor

Apologies for the hiatus! A lot has happened over the last couple of months and I'm finally getting some of them (somewhat) resolved through therapy and A LOT of patience with myself. So here's a post that I written back in October that brings me so much joy! Thank you all for your patience ^^

Word count: 2k~

Mitsuri Kanroji

You know those types of people who want to tell you a really funny story but they need to stop laughing first?

And they've been laughing for the past fifteen minutes?

Yeah that's Mitsuri

I'm not entirely sure what to categorize this either than comedic storytelling

She could probably be a standup comedian too, she has some good stories to tell

But Mitsuri is really in her element when when someone else is telling a mildly amusing story

She will just keep adding onto it to somehow make it even more funnier than it was originally intended

Misturi could make an inside joke between you guys too, she is the designated funny friend of the Hashira

I also feel like she sometimes makes self-deprecating jokes, but not on any serious topics

Like she enjoys poking fun at the fact that she's still single

For an example, Mitsuri and Shinobu could be making an order at a restaurant for lunch

By the time Mitsuri finishes her first round of food and hands the dishes to the waiter, she accidentally drops them causing all the plates and bowls to shatter all over the floor

She tries to help clean up but the staff insists that she shouldn't worry about it

Sitting back down with Shinobu, cheeks red from embarrassment, Mitsuri will crack an awkward smile and say "Yeah, this is why I'm still single!"

Obanai Iguro

Obanai is the most sarcastic motherfucker on this list

I feel like his number one policy is "Don't ask me stupid questions"

He's already annoyed like 70% of the time, just don't annoy him even more

But then again...

"Hey Obanai, did you lose this?" "No I was just playing hide and seek with an inanimate object for fun, YES I fucking dropped it"

"You look really tired, are you doing okay?" "Hell yeah, nothing says healthy like eye bags as dark as my hair"

"Can I pet your snake?" "Yeah you just gotta let him nibble you first but don't worry, he's only venomous"

Usually he's kinda rude about it but he does have his nice moments

"Hey Obanai, can you pass me that?" Obanai will just say no but hand and just hand it to you anyways

Some people just don't understand sarcasm all the time and that's when he kinda runs into some trouble

Obanai and Kyojuro were walking to a meeting together, but Obanai had forgotten his jacket AND haori

It was quite chilly outside too, so poor Obanai was shivering while trying to keep Kaburamaru warm

Kyojuro asked Obanai "My friend, winter is coming! Aren't you cold?"

Obanai deadpanned and said "Of course not, I'm just practicing my acting. Glad to see that my shivering is that convincing"

"How interesting! Maybe you should audition for a play at the theatre!"

Obanai's annoyance kept him warm for the rest of the day

Tengen Uzui

Quite an obvious statement, but Tengen’s humor mainly comprises of sex jokes and innuendos

The man has three wives, of course he would find that shit funny

Like he will be in the middle of a meeting, and everyone will line up to receive some gifts from Kagaya

He will say "Come in a straight line, my students"

Tengen will chuckle and say "That's what she said"

Tengen is also the type to be "gay with the homies" and loves to embarrass Sanemi and Obanai by making jokes about being in love or hooking up with them

He chooses specifically those two because it felt awkward to make the jokes to Gyomei

Tengen once spent forty-five minutes explaining to Kyojuro that he didn't actually want to buy him dinner after Kyojuro gave him a genuinely offended look to the highest degree

"How deceitful of you, Tengen"

He pretty much wrote off saying jokes like that to Kyojuro following that incident, but he really can't help himself sometimes

I don't think that Tengen solely has generic innuendos he uses on everyone, he likes testing what SPECIFIC category of sex jokes makes people uncomfortable

Like if Giyu goes to the bathroom, Tengen will saunter up with a finger gun on his chin and ask "Pissing all by yourself, handsome?"

Everyone is throwing their shoes at him

Sanemi Shinazugawa

Of course this sadistic bastard likes slapstick, what we’re you thinking?

He may be good at holding in a laugh, but you can still see that stupid smirk on his face if anyone stumbles

One time Tengen's six foot ass fell face first while running late to a meeting

Sanemi actually struggled to keep his composure that day, he had to bite his lips together to hide the uncontrollable grin on his face

People getting smacked upside the head, tripping others, people getting violently angry, Sanemi loves it all

He refuses to admit that Zenitsu is funny

Now a regular civilian is one thing, but children getting roughed up is another

there was a particular incident where Sanemi had come across some kids swinging on a tree branch near a market he occasionally visited

This week ass branch definitely didn't have the strength to hold up any of those kids

So Sanemi did what any sane person would, and stuck around to watch this disaster happen

Well unfortunately for this one child, the branch snapped mid-swing and fell right on their face

And there was Sanemi, a hand over his stomach from laughing at these dumb kids

He didn't even stop to help them or anything, just calmed down from laughing so hard and walked away to continue shopping

Shinobu Kocho

An absolute queen of insult humor

Even Sanemi can’t beat Shinobu at her best

Do you even think she would stick with the basic ass jokes? Of course not

She can be an absolute menace if she really wants to

Shinobu is just tired of everyone's shit, and she can get even more exhausted from putting on that smile nearly as much as Kyojuro

She just can't keep up

Which brings me to my main point, which is that Shinobu's funny side usually comes out in rants or vents with the people closest to her

She and Mitsuri both express their humor by storytelling, Shinobu's just originates more from anger an annoyance rather than an effort to be entertaining

Regardless of who Shinobu's around, everyone can tell that when she walks through the door with steam coming out of her ears, everyone's gonna be laughing their asses off

As anyone can agree if they've worked in any form of customer service, there are some days where you are so damn close to breaking your cool

When Tengen got placed in the Butterfly Estate's infirmary, Shinobu was actually going to kill a patient instead of saving them for once

Like this man was just demanding shit and teasing his friend left and right, and Aoi had never been so afraid of her mentor in her entire life

Aoi tried to calm her down, "Sticks and stones Shinobu, don't let him get to you!"

Tengen only snickered

Ooooo, she lost her shit

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but PLEASE. FUCK. OFF"

Angy Shinobu is best Shinobu

Kyojuro Rengoku

Look me in the eyes and tell me Kyojuro doesn’t like puns

I know you can't do it

He will howl with laughter nearly every time you tell him a pun

"Hey Kyo, you're never gonna believe it! Remember my friend with a bakery? Well it just burned down!"

At first he'll show genuine concern, politely shouting "How unfortunate!"

"Don't worry about it, his business is toast"

Give him a minute...

"Ahahaha! Good one!"

Not only does he like being told puns, but if he has a good opportunity to tell a well timed pun he will not stop giggling until he tells it

One time you, Tengen, Mitsuri, and Kyojuro were all trying to decide where to eat after a long day of work

At one point Tengen suggested hotpot, even offering to take you all to one that Makio and Suma liked

Kyojuro tried muffling his laughing, but his attention was redirected when you asked him what he thought of the idea

Finally able to cease his giggles, Kyojuro proudly shouted "SOUPER"

It doesn't matter if you find the joke funny or not, Kyojuro's laughter is so contagious that you're dying at the silly pun

What a fucking dork <3

Giyu Tomioka

If there was a form of comedy that’s applicable at any given moment, Giyu would use it on a daily basis

Luckily for him, Giyu discovered it very quicky and refuses to let the tactic go

That's right, Giyu is physically incapable of stopping himself from making a "your mom" joke

Everyone can blame Obanai for that one

Quite literally at any opportunity, Giyu will mutter the phrase under his breath

Unfortunately, because it has become such an unconscious thing for Giyu, this bad habit of his ends up kicking his ass at the worst of times

with all due respect to Giyu's efforts, it just makes him unintentionally funny

in an awkward way

Giyu visited one of his favourite restaurants on his day off, the waiter asked "Is there anything else you would like, sir?" after giving his order

Now Giyu didn't mean it, he really didn't

It just slipped out of his mouth so easily

"Your mom"

Let me tell you, the silence was absolutely deafening

After the two stared at each other in mutual confusion, Giyu just wordlessly left due to the sheer embarrassment and awkwardness he had caused

He tried to go back, truly, Giyu made the effort and walked through the door

But he made uncomfortable eye contact with that same waiter and walked out

He hasn't gone back to that restaurant since ;,)

Gyomei Himijima

I have already established in my Gyomei Headcannons post that Gyomei is the dad friend of the Hashira (go check out that post if you haven’t btw ^^)

So of course he's going to make dad jokes, everyone saw this coming

God forbid you ever complain around him, he will see it as an opportunity (usually)

"Man, I'm really hungry" Gyomei will hand you a bento box and say "Hi hungry, I'm prepared

He is THAT GUY that makes "I haven't seen you since last year!" jokes

Every single year without fail

Shockingly, Gyomei and Kyojuro will bond over their mutual love for super corny jokes

One time while training Genya, Gyomei asked him "Child, what is long and sticky?"

Genya paused his routine to think for a moment, slightly disturbed by the question

"I don't know what you- fresh mochi?" Gyomei shook his head

Genya made a claw gesture with his hands, knowing Gyomei couldn't see it

"No idea, what's long and sticky?"

Gyomei gave a small, sly smile before responding

"A stick, little one"

To be honest, Gyomei's jokes do annoy some of the Hashira whenever he makes them (mainly Shinobu, Obanai and Tengen)

Normally because he's so calm about it

Tengen usually is one to lose his temper over it though

"You really got a joke for about everything, huh?" "Indeed I do, Tengen. I even have one about construction"

Tengen's eye will twitch as he taunts Gyomei "Oh yeah? Well let's hear it then!"

"I'm afraid I can't, my friend. I'm still working on it"

Kyojuro's laugh echoes throughout the meeting as Tengen realizes he most definitely walked into that one

Muichiro Tokito

His sense of humor is weird

That’s all I have, anything that Muichiro finds funny is actually kinda strange

He does this thing where he will go in with a fistbump, but change it to a high five last second

Muichiro can do it the other way around too, but regardless it results in this silly fist-five thing that makes him chuckle

He's a little bit of a devious child so his sense of humor kinda comes from whatever will annoy the other Hashira

Sometimes he will sit in the middle of a meeting and just blow raspberries while spacing out a little

It annoys the fuck out of Sanemi and Obanai because Muichiro's spit gets EVERYWHERE

Even Giyu thinks that kid comes with his own splash zone

He's not one for pranks per say, but he likes reaping a bit of terror amongst the other Hashira

One time Muichiro stole Tengen's red eyeliner one weekend purely for entertainment

the next day when everyone showed up to the meeting, people got to witness a very distressed Tengen

Holding up Sanemi and Obanai midair by the collar of their shirts, Tengen interrogated the both of them where they hid his shockingly expensive liner

Of course no one would suspect the slobbering kid, who was inconspicuously blowing raspberries

Had anyone asked Muichiro if he saw Tengen's liner, Muichiro would turn to the fuming man and giggle

Secretly, Aoi is Muichiro's unknowing accomplice in these scenarios

"Here Aoi, could you hold this for a while?" "Uhh, sure? What is it for?" "Hmm? Oh nothing..."

Don't underestimate this little shit

꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚ ꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚ ꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚

Hey y’all! Hope you liked this post, it was such a pleasure to write it ^^

I’m hoping that now I’ll be able to write more for this blog now that I have more time, and I have more posts lined up in the future :)

Ask box and requests are still open, just please read the rules before submitting anything!

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #demon slayer blog #kny blog #demon slayer hashira #kny scenarios #kny hashira #hashira x reader #rengoku x reader #tengen x reader #shinobu x reader #mitsuri x reader #obanai x reader #sanemi x reader #giyu x reader #gyomei x reader #muichiro x reader #demon slayer scenarios #kyojuro rengoku #tengen uzui #mitsuri kanroji #shinobu kocho #obanai iguro #sanemi shinaguzawa #giyu tomioka #muichiro tokito #gyomei himejima #kny x reader #demon slayer x reader

[be-missed]

Bad for Business

Jenna Ortega X Fem!Reader

(picture not mine)

Summary: After receiving a text message from her manager, what would Jenna do? Will she and Y/N can still fix their friendship?

Warning/s: curse words.

A/N: Part 3, thanks for waiting, noticed you liked this one. Emma Myers is the Emma. Also, give me a name for Y/N's best friend, please.

Masterlist

Cool About It (Part 1) | Nothing To Lose (Part 2)

______________________________________________________________

Jenna is currently sitting on the sofa on her manager's office.

"What is your problem Jenna? You have invited a big crowd and thank heavens we don't need to delete much picture from the both of you because they were so surprised from what you did. We only have a few twitter and tiktok accounts that still post what happened." Jenna's manager told her as he seats in front of the girl.

"I'm sorry..."

The only words that came out from Jenna's mouth ever since she was brought by her manager from Y/N's unit to the office, because inside her head, she goes back to the moment where Y/N admitted her feelings. She could've react differently instead of being silent, she could've agreed to Y/N and talk to her, or maybe she can kiss Y/N to prove that she also wants to kiss the girl, or maybe just maybe, she doesn't pull the shit from the park and just watched a movie.

There are so many 'what if's' and 'could've been' that's running inside Jenna's mind not until the voice of her manager removed her from her thoughts.

"Do you understand? We just need you to follow what we said and we will be alright" Jenna's manager said and looked at her intently, looking like he will never take a no for an answer.

Jenna then just nodded her head and quietly said "yes."

Jenna's team was now fixing the table and the papers that were scattered on the table not until Jenna broke the chaos "Please don't contact Y/N anymore. I don't need you in her business." She said and looked intently to her team, and directed it to her manager.

A long pause was given, half-heartedly, her manager nodded. That made Jenna feal at ease somehow, because she doesn't want Y/N to get stress about this issue, it is all her fault anyway.

Even though Jenna doesn't quite remember what are the rules that her manager and her team gave her, she just go with it, because it's normally lesser public appearance, lesser use of her social media, and sadly, lesser meet-ups with Y/N. She thinks she can handle it, because in a few week, she'll be back to filming Wednesday S2 and just will be facetiming Y/N. If Y/N will answer, she thinks.

---

Jenna was now in her bedroom, tired after the long night that she had. Fumbling with her phone, thinking if she should text Y/N and ask her about what happened, Jenna was pulled out from her thoughts by a facetime call, it is Emma.

"I WAS RIGHT" Emma said, "I WAS RIGHT YOU LIED TO ME, HOW COULD YOU?"

Jenna was stunned because what the fuck is Emma talking about, she have no idea, "What are you talking about?" Jenna asked with full curiosity.

"You and your long time friend who owns the coffee shop inside the studio is dating!" Emma exclaimed like stating the truth, Jenna then replied "No, no, what do you mean?"

"Like bestie, your proposal in the lake is all over the internet right now, I should congratulate you, or not I guess" Emma stated as she started to send screenshots to Jenna from twitter to tiktok. Jenna then shakes her head "No, this can't be, my team deleted all the pictures and articles about this." Jenna was slightly panicking because she thought that her team have deleted any pictures and articles from the proposal.

"I'll call you later I promise, bye" Jenna ended the call without giving Emma a chance to reply and reactivated her twitter account just to see what Emma is talking about, and the other girl was right, the both of you are trending.

In her search list, the words that was associated to the both of you are I knew it, dumbass, and Her loss.

She saw tweets like stating that they knew it from the start that Jenna and Y/N was in a relationship, another tweet said that Y/N was dumb to reject Jenna, and some were begging Jenna that if she proposed to them they will say 'yes'. But Jenna thought, they are not Y/N, they are not the person that she likes.

After opening Twitter, she went straight to tiktok and search her name, which is probably not the right thing to do but she wants to see what people say to you, the last thing that she wants is for the general public to hate you and blame you.

And with that, almost all of the videos of Jenna and Y/N are edited with the song Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift. Captions in the videos are quoting the lyrics from "You won't remember all her Champagne Problems" to "I can patch up the tapestry that she shred." She also saw some comments in the video saying "she's fucked in the head" pertaining to Y/N.

That broke her, why are you getting all the hate if it is all her fault? You don't deserve this madness that she brought to your life because all you did was to bring her sunshine and be the silver lining to every dark cloud that she had. You were right, she thought.

Jenna then calls her manager and he answered fast "I thought you all deleted the pictures and the news? What happened now?" Jenna said full in rage, angry for what the public is labeling you as, "I thought you agreed?" Her manager replied "We would not delete the pictures and the news, but we would let it grow, we can handle it anyways, we just need to get Y/N out of the picture and make sure that she will not be part of any narrative. That woman is bad for business Jenna, we're telling you."

That stunned Jenna, all the time that they were talking inside the office she was so occupied with thoughts of you that she fucking agreed with this shit where you are scrutinized. Jenna then starts to cry and ended the call. What she did next will probably make her manager more angry with her.

She went out of her bedroom, grab her coat, grab her keys, ride her car, and drove to your apartment.

---

Currently in your apartment, you are with you best friend trying to read all the shit that was thrown into you in the internet. You told her the whole story and she thought that was a shit move for Jenna, because not only her manager hated you, but now, almost all of the people in the world hated you.

"I told you Y/N it was a bad idea to go that day didn't I?" your best friend told you proving a point but you can't even focus on her voice because you were so drowned out with your own thoughts that was coming in like a flood.

Your best friend kept on talking and talking until they noticed that you were just spacing out and sat next to you and pulled you in a hug which you gladly melt in to, "I'm sorry this is happening, I didn't mean to blame you, but your friend is fucking shit."

A knock to your door was heard which your best friend gladly attend to. Opening the door they were so stunned for seeing who is in the other side, Jenna.

"What do you need?" your best friend tells Jenna, which she answered "I need to talk to Y/N please." Your best friend just looked at Jenna not until your voice was heard from the inside telling that Jenna should come in.

"You have the guts to show up here, make this right." Your best friend threatens Jenna and left the apartment leaving you and Jenna alone.

"I'm sorry" Jenna started, looking at your back. You tap the empty space beside you and that is where Jenna is walking to, seating beside you.

"I wanna blame you for everything Jenna." Y/N blurted out, not facing Jenna, "I wanna blame you for everything that is happening right now." Y/N lets out a heavy sigh.

Jenna answered "I know, I know, and I'm sorry, I should be the one who gets to be blamed, I don't know what to say, I'm really just sorry and I wanted to tell that you were right." Jenna is now trying to stop the tears from falling while she looks at you, "Y/N please, look at me, just tell me what to do for you to forgive me, I'll do it, please" Jenna begs.

Y/N looked at Jenna with so much pain in her eyes, "be gone."

Seconds have passed, Jenna was too stunned to even speak, still processing what you said.

"No, Y/N please no, this can't be" Jenna said, "This was what your manager wanted in the first place, he wanted me out of the picture ever since you blow up. I don't fucking blame him for that because who am I, right? But this is not the way I imagined it" Y/N looked so defeated in Jenna's eyes. Y/N was willing to give up their friendship, even if it's not what she wants.

"No, that's not gonna happen Y/N, you are my best friend and I can't just leave you hanging, getting all the scrutiny from the media, from the public. This is entirely my fault, please, don't ask me to leave." Jenna plead, because that was the last thing that Jenna wats to do, to leave you.

"Jenna we can't be friends okay, don't you understand? You leaving me would benefit the both of us; it will benefit you since there will be one less problem to your management and it will benefit me because it can possibly help me to move on from you." Y/N said with a sad smile.

"Move on? The hell are you saying? There will be no moving on for you because..." Jenna said, making Y/N confused "because I like you too. I like you too, just like how you like me Y/N."

Y/N laughed "Stop with the pity Jenna, I know you are sorry but you don't need to tell me that you like me to give me a proper closure."

"No, but I'm not lying Y/N, I swear to God, I like you too and I'm just too scared to admit it to myself because I got so scared for what will happen to me, to us, to our friendship." Jenna said, trying to convince Y/N, but Y/N won't budge and just shakes her head.

"Jenna it's okay, you don't need to lie, I understand" Y/N said standing up from the sofa.

"But you don't understand Y/N, I like you, for real, without a doubt. Even before this shit happened, even before that dinner in our house, that night stroll in K-town, the first picture of us from the public, even before my manager knew you; I liked you since then" Jenna said standing up and getting a hold of your hand.

Y/N started to shake her head and retracted her hands from Jenna's hold "This can't be Jenna" Jenna then answered "How can you not believe that I like you Y/N."

"Because I'm just me Jenna, I'm just me and you're you. I mean, you can find someone who's better than me and who will be good for your name, but I'm just me Jenna" Y/N explained.

"But that's it Y/N, I like you because you are you, and I wouldn't want to like anyone because they are not you," Jenna said and continued "Please just tell me what can I do, please."

Y/N sat on the far side of the sofa, her mind twirling with the words that came out from Jenna's mouth. She's very glad that Jenna likes her back, but the damage was done, the media hates her, Jenna's manager hates her, and the public hates her. But most importantly, Jenna hurt her.

"I honestly don't know Jenna" Y/N confessed "You hurt me, and I don't know what to do. The public also despise me, and your manager hates me."

Jenna then kneels beside Y/N and said "I know, I know. I'm gonna tell you how sorry I am and I will apologize until you forgive me but I also know that it isn't enough for you to forgive me. The damage is big and let me just think of a way to handle it. As for my manager, let me just think again." and chuckled looking at you.

Y/N knows to herself that a simple apology from Jenna will make all the pain go away, but this is different, Jenna really hurts Y/N's feelings.

Y/N gave a sad smile to Jenna which Jenna gave back, she rested her head at Y/N's thigh and dropped a light kiss on her knees. Y/N tried to relax in the seat and puts her hand on Jenna's hair and caress it that makes the other girl relax too.

Minutes of silence have passed until Jenna bounced between Y/N's thighs and opened her camera.

"What are you doing?" Y/N asked Jenna and the other girl answered "I'm gonna do something. You just need to stay still, okay?"

Jenna puts her phone down, directed to your indoor slippers since the both of you decided to buy a matching indoor slippers because "it's cute", and captures it.

It surprised Y/N "Okay, what the fuck was that for?" Jenna then answered Y/N "Since my management is not dropping any statement and I didn't sign any contract to get you out of my life, I will be the one to make an announcement."

Y/N questionably looked at Jenna, not sure on what Jenna will do with the picture, not until Y/N saw Jenna opened her Instagram account.

"Jenna, NO." Y/N said while trying to get Jenna's phone, but Jenna knows that Y/N will gonna do so Jenna pushed Y/N away from her and starts to type.

Y/N then surrender, both of her hands up in the air and said "Okay, I'm not gonna get your phone, but please just tell me what you're doing."

Jenna then situated her phone between the both of them and made Y/N read what she typed.

With a surprised look Y/N said "Are you fucking insane? Are you sure? What the hell are you thinking?"

"Please trust me on this." Jenna said with a smile and Y/N just nodded and answered "This doesn't mean I forgive you" and Jenna bring her phone down and looked at Y/N directly and said "I know, I will do my best to earn your forgiveness and trust me back, I just hope you still love me then."

And that made you smile, because you know in your heart, you will always love Jenna, "I will promise to love you" Y/N answered with a small smile.

---

In his office, Jenna's manager was reading what Jenna posted and it is a picture of Jenna and someone's feet, but boy does he know who it belongs

After seeing the post, Jenna's manager can feel the nerve on his right lobe pulsated with what he saw. Because what the fuck is this?

______________________________________________________________

A/N: Thanks for waiting, I hope this satiated you all. Just play nice with the ig post please. I feel like I'm gonna have a headache, lol. I also don't know if I tagged the right people, I'm sorry.

People who wants to be tagged (I hope I get to tag you all):

@lilbitdepressed27 @jusnough @stalinf @mirage018 @geed-3 @atlafanforlife @adam-malkov @belatrixdragon @ijustlovemaths @canvascoloredin

#jenna ortega #jenna ortega x fem!reader #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x y/n #jenna ortega x you #fiction #fanfic #jenna ortega imagine

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias x Reader - Ghosted

Some Ruben angst to bless your feed. 😁 The picture is giving anxious Ruben.

Summary - Ruben and Reader has a fight whilst Ruben is on vacation with his friends.

Enjoy!

Ruben's friends teased him about it. About how the two of you had gotten into a fight over some picture of him in the club last night. He was still on vacation whilst you were at home in Manchester, working. The fight had happened over the phone. The phone that you currently weren't answering.

"Come on Ruben." His friends said. "Forget about her. We are on vacation for fucksake."

They had rented a small yacht for the day and blasted music loud enough to scare the fishes away. Ruben, however, was unable to enjoy himself. His thoughts were still of you and the fight you had. At one point Ruben looked so miserable that his brother took him aside. "Man, just call her and apologize." He said.

"You think so?"

Ruben's brother seemed to be the only one who understood the effect the fight with you had on him. His brother knew exactly how much you meant to Ruben.

"You know how women can get. The girls at the club were all over you last night. What did you expect her reaction to be seeing that picture that José posted?"

Ruben nodded. "You're probably right, I should call her. Tell José to delete that picture of me form his Instagram."

"Sure will brother. And here..." Ruben's brother tossed him his phone. "Since she won't answer when you call." He grinned.

Ruben waited until sundown, when the party on the boat had quiet down a bit and the guys were in their feels from all the alcohol.

"Hello?" You answered.

"It's me. " He said.

"God Ruben, you scared me."

"I did. Why?"

"Well, since it was your brother's number calling I thought somthing might have happened to you."

You still worried about him. A good sign, Ruben thought.

"What do you want?" You said, trying to maintain your angry voice even though you slipped up just then.

"I just called to say I'm sorry."

"You're sorry, for what?" You were hard on him, knowing he was just trying to break bread.

"For letting José post that picture of me and that girl?"

"And?"

"And the fight we had over the phone."

"And...?"

"I swear to God Y/N I'll apologize for whatever, but I can't come up with anything else I did wrong." Ruben ran a hand down his face. He was miserable. The long distance between you was one thing, but arguing with you from a long distance he simply couldn't do.

"Ruben I don't want you to make a list of apologies."

"No?"

"Of course not. I understand you're with your friends enjoying your well deserved vacation. But the way you spoke to me over the phone, like I was some annoying side piece you are fucking. I dunno Ruben, but it made me feel like you were trying to be something you're not in front of your friends. And if that is the case I don't think that it's going to work out between us."

"It's not...I mean I'm not!" Ruben exclaimed. "I'm not trying to be somone I'm not. I admit that I got a bit carried away during our fight, but your name you must believe me when I say that you're not some side piece. To me you're the main fucking course."

"Ruben." You chuckled.

Your laughter seemed to mend the sharp pain that he had felt in the pit of his stomach. It also restored his entire mood.

"I made you laugh. " He mumbled.

"Yeah, so?" You giggled.

"Does it mean you forgive me?"

"I forgive you."

"Good." All was well, he thought.

"But tell those Ibizian bitches to stay off my man!"

Ruben chuckled. "I'll be sure to tell them that."

#fanfiction #man city #manchester city #ruben dias x reader #football imagine #ruben dias #ruben dias imagine #ruben dias angst #footballer x reader #football angst #footballer imagine #football x reader #football #love and desire

[jewish-sideblog]

hey, so im Palestinian and a strong activist for my people's liberation. i wanted to ask for some info/advice on avoiding antisemitism in my activism for Palestine. im on anon bc i don't want to be called a racefaker for caring about Jewish ppl. i know antisemitism is on the rise right now (and generally over the past few years) and i want to make sure i'm not unintentionally contributing to it.

Hey there! I wanted to start by genuinely thanking you for asking this question. Partially because I don't actually get any well-intentioned or helpful questions in my inbox anymore, but also because I understand the amount of bravery it takes to reach out with a question like that at a time like this.

Next, I want to apologize to all my followers who hate long posts. Judaism is a very complicated ethnoreligious group, antisemitism is a very complicated form of bigotry, and the Israeli/Palestinian conflict is arguably the most complicated international issue that has ever existed. I'm going to try to go through everything as succinctly as possible below the cut-- I am also going to ask other Jews to contribute to and make edits to this list as needed.

And finally-- I'm writing this as though I were speaking to someone with very little knowledge of the subject. I understand that as a Palestinian, you probably know a lot about what's going on here. But I want to make sure that I'm covering bases for anybody else who might need to use this post. So if you're like, Yeah, Obviously I Knew That. Please remember that a fuckton of people on tumblr are engaging in Israeli criticism without obviously knowing that.

There are two primary forms of antisemitism in anti-Zionist spaces-- antisemitic conspiracy theory, and criticism of Israel that no other country receives. The first kind is the easiest kind to pick out, and it makes a nice bulleted list, so we'll start there.

Dual Loyalty. A global stereotype that has skyrocketed since the establishment of Israel, but it's been around for a lot longer than that. Simply put, it's the idea that Jews are more loyal to Israel (or some global secret kabal) than we are to the countries we currently reside in. With I/P, it manifests as the idea that All Jews are directly responsible for Israel or the idea that All Jews secretly support Israel. If you see a Jew who isn't directly engaging in I/P topics, don't ask them what their stance is. Plenty of us have never even been to Israel, and it's fucked up to assume that we're all experts in geopolitics.

The Holocaust was a Fabrication or a Lesson. The idea that Jews made up the Shoah has been around since the Shoah was still happening, and it's always been ridiculous. Today, you'll see three primary lines about this. Either it's that Jews made up the Shoah as an excuse to establish Israel, that the Jews deserved the Shoah because of what's happening in Israel today, or that the Jews "should have learned their lesson from the Holocaust" because now Jews are "the new Nazis". Frankly, I wish goyim would stop treating the deaths of millions of Jews like a TV show. Palestinian deaths are genuinely horrible, but this isn't some kind of "narrative parallel" to the Shoah.

The Kazars Theory, or All Jews are White. This is the DNA test nonsense. The idea is that Israel (or Jews at large) are only pretending to be indigenous to the Levant and that secretly Jews as a whole are actually indigenous to Eastern Europe. It's a lie, started by a German professor of Russian history in the early 1800s. Meanwhile, the vast majority of genetic, historical, and archaeological evidence points to Jewish origins in the Israeli/Palestinian region. There have been literal hundreds of genetic studies on this. Most of them suggest that Jews, even "white" Ashkenazim, are nearly genetically identical to Palestinians.

World Domination. The idea that Jews control the world began with the Protocols of the Elders of Zion in 1903. If you're encountering criticism of Israel that suggests that world governments, particularly European or American ones, are being controlled by Jews, you've got yourself antisemitism. White supremacists like to use the term "Zionist Occupied Government" or "ZOG" as shorthand for this conspiracy. The next two points are born out of this same ideology.

Controlling the Media. The idea that Jews are in charge of Hollywood and/or major news organizations around the world. Regarding I/P, I've seen a bunch of people say something like "Western media outlets won't cover this! (Because you know who controls them!)" only to look online and see... Western media outlets covering it. See also: "My source is tiktok! I don't trust the news!" While it's obviously a fair criticism to say that some Western news outlets certainly have a pro-Israel and anti-Palestinian bias, it's certainly not every single one of them. Reuters and the AP are once again my go-to's here.

Controlling the Financial World. I haven't actually seen this come up regarding I/P, but considering how things have been going, it's only a matter of time. We don't control the banks. We don't control the stock market. We're not in charge of American aid being sent to Israel. HaShem knows that if we controlled all the money, I'd certainly be living larger than I am now...

Those Bloodthirsty Jews. This one arguably started with Blood Libel in the 1100s, when Christians started accusing us of stealing and eating their babies. Straight up, I have met Christians who still believe this in 2023. You see this a lot with I/P-- the Al Ahli Hospital is the biggest example. More than a month later, most reliable intelligence organizations agree that a misfired Hamas rocket landed in a parking lot, killing about 100 people. But a ton of people are still saying that Those Bloodthirsty Jews intentionally bombed the hospital dead on, killing 470 people. I want to be clear-- Israel is killing a lot of civilians. But if you see a bandwagon of people focusing on the one group of deaths that Israel probably actually didn't cause? Consider why.

Causing wars, revolutions, and calamities. Hamas has straight-up got this one in their founding charter. No, the Jews are not responsible for any major global conflicts, revolutions, or counter-revolutions that don't directly involve Israel. We didn't do WWII. We didn't do the October Revolution. See above-- we're not secretly plotting massacres on Shabbat. A lot of people are saying that Netanyahu and Likud let Hamas in to justify the invasion of Gaza... I'd be shocked if that was the case. All evidence points to a classic intelligence failure. We're not orchestrating bloodbaths.

Section 2: Criticisms only levelled at Israel

It's important to recognise that Israeli civilians are no more collectively responsible for the actions of the Likud coalition than Palestinians are collectively responsible for the actions of Hamas. No Palestinian deserves to be stripped of their rights to self-determination in their ancestral lands because of the October 7th attack. Likewise, no Chinese person deserves to be displaced from China because of the CCP's human rights violations in Tibet, Uyghur and Hong Kong. No Russian person deserves to be ethnically cleansed from Russia because of the Kremlin's invasion of Ukraine. But plenty of people do believe that Jews should be stripped of their rights to self-determination in historically Jewish indigenous lands because of the actions of the Israeli government.

After October 7th, I've seen people argue that Israeli babies deserved to be kidnapped because of their national origin. I've seen people argue that Israeli women deserved to be sexually abused because of their nation of origin. I've seen people argue that the seven million Jews living in their ancestral homeland deserve death or displacement because of their nation of origin. Justifying or allowing brutal harm against people because of their national origin is hateful.

I want to make this part very clear-- I do not have an issue with calling out Israeli war crimes or crimes against humanity. But I do have an issue with treating Jewish civilians differently than civilians of other nations responsible for similar horrors. Amplifying bias against a particular group because of that group's nation of origin is called bigotry. Taking a stand against Israeli settlements in the West Bank is anti-Zionism. Collectivizing the label of "white colonialism", and forcing that label upon refugees forced to move to Israel, or Mizrahim with uninterrupted 8,000-year histories in Israel, is antisemitism.

Part 3: Moving Forward

So where do we go from here? If advocating for the destruction of Israel is advocating for the elimination of Jewish self-determination in our ancestral lands, but advocating in favour of the Israeli government is advocating for the elimination of Palestinian self-determination in your ancestral lands, then we must find some middle ground. A solution that allows seven million Jews and five-and-a-half-million Arabs to share the same holy land, without fear of persecution, displacement, or death. For me, this means a few things.

First of all, the recognition that most Israelis disagree with Netanyahu's approach to Palestine, and most Palestinians disagree with Hamas's approach to Israel. And that brings up a question-- why are Likud and Hamas in charge of Israel and Gaza respectively if most people disagree with them? Without getting into the complicated intricacies of the Knesset and the PNA on an already very long post (and without explaining your own government to you), the simple answer is international funds.

Israeli crimes against Palestinians are bankrolled by American Evangelical Christians, who believe that when Palestine is gone, all the Jews will go to Israel, and Jesus will come back to kill the world's infidels. They actually fucking believe that. Meanwhile, Hamas is bankrolled by Iran, which believes that the more often Jews and Sunni Muslims kill each other, the easier it will be for Iranian Shiite Jihad to take over the world. They actually fucking believe that.

So what steps can we take during our advocacy? Not for the destruction of Israel nor the destruction of Palestine, but for America and Iran to get their noses out of our damn business. I genuinely believe that a defunded Likud and a defunded Hamas will allow Israelis and Palestinians to work together for a peaceful two-state or joint-rule solution. Something that will keep my Palestinian friends from feeling like they can't safely travel from Jaffa to Tel Aviv. Something that will allow my Jewish family to visit and pray at the Cenotaphs of Isaac and Rebecca and the Temple Mount. Something that will let Israeli children from Kibbutz Nirim and Palestinian children from Khan Yunis play on the same playgrounds together, instead of sheltering from missile fire.

Frankly, we nearly had that when the Supreme Muslim Council and the Assembly of Representatives began collaborating against the British Mandate instead of against each other. Clearly, it's possible, we just need to stop being pitted against each other by foreign powers.

[azrielgreen]

There's a reason I always moderate comments but i approved this one so people can see how truly vile it gets sometimes. I'm not arrogant. I don't think the way I write is better at all. Exploring them on an authentic level means exploring this, or any, version of them with wholehearted passion, not that this is the authentic interpretation of them. Writing intense stuff isn't a brag, it's a warning so people can be prepared for stuff like arguments and confrontations. I always over-warn for CW stuff so that, again, people are prepared. I never once have asked people to read it. It's just there and I've tried my best to a) write something i loved and b) thoroughly warn those who might read it. Any interpretation of the characters is valid and worth exploring. It's so sad to see a reeled off list of all the way Steve "should be" and the implication that nothing but strict canon adherence could ever be a passionate, worthy exploration. It's... only fanfic? It's not real. They're not real. Nothing is real and everything is possible and that's supposed to be what's fun about it.

I write the characters very intensely, so yes, they are often out of character, sorry for... warning about that? I write different backgrounds for them and play with the negative space of possibilities and potential and i do this with authentic curiosity and passion because I love doing it and i get very into it. Sorry for warning about that too, I guess? When I first started writing in this fandom, some people pointed out to me that I could CW warn for them being OOC and that was new to me, i didn't think I had to warn for that. I thought people would read the tags, like in other fandoms, and understand that the story would do different things with the characters but it became clear that this was actually solid advice as this was a fandom obsessed with "canon adherence" and policing. So I thought I would CW as thoroughly as I could so no one would be shocked or disappointed and then maybe they wouldn't leave an essay of hate in the comments.

But ultimately, people like this would only be satisfied if I deleted everything and stopped writing. I barely participate in this fandom as it is beyond answering asks and writing. I don't rec my own work. The thing i don't ever want, and this is why it was worrying seeing something like YD becoming "popular", is for people to feel like they *should* read my work without having gone and looked for it via the tags. Without having found it naturally, just by browsing and thinking "that's definitely for me". I've only ever posted for small rarepairs in the past so a couple of comments on a fic always made me so happy. I write for myself and the few others in the world who might like it. I have never written for an audience. If you don't like something I wrote, it's not for you. Genuinely. Move along to the next, no? That's what I would do.

This was so spiteful and targeted. YD is so old at this point, I just don't understand people who do shit like this. I don't bother anyone and I try to be here for anyone who needs me. I CW as thoroughly as I can. I don't think I'm better than anyone. I think every single iteration of these characters is worthy and valid and what matters is how fun they were to write, for the author. I had so much fucking fun with these stories that seeing this miserable little rant seems pointless to me. I don't care if you didn't like it. I don't care if it wasn't to your taste. Writing it was what I wanted. Sharing it is secondary, always. It's fanfiction, written for free in my spare time. I didn't take up space, I didn't trample anyone. There is no reason for this beyond spite.

I am sorry about the vest/jacket mixup, however. Truly, genuinely from the bottom of my heart devastatingly sorry about that. I know it'll take time for people to forgive me and maybe no one ever will, I have to make my peace with that.

Anyway, thanks for loudly projecting your feelings onto me and my work.

💜💜💜

[ponett]

I really hope it's alright to ask, but do you support aspec people and the SAM? Most posts of yours that mention anything ace related are like 10-7 years old and sorta discoursey, so I just want to ask for my own comfort

i support ace people. my opinion on the split attraction model seems kind of pointless. it exists. people either use it to describe themselves or they don't

believe me when i say that this is with the utmost sincerity and not as a jab, but i think for your own good you should probably learn not to term search on strangers' accounts and look through decade-old posts to try and find their opinions on intracommunity discourse. for one thing, while it's understandable to some extent (we've all had people we were following turn out to be bigots at some point or another), being overly concerned with what the people you follow were saying or doing in the past or outside of your view can develop into a very real form of hypervigilance. i've been there, trust me. it's absolutely miserable. the constant paranoia that you have to check everyone's archives or their likes or their following lists or whatever to make sure they aren't secret creeps or bigots. this did nothing but make me feel even more depressed, anxious, and alienated during one of the most depressed periods of my life.

beyond that, though, people change, and people also don't necessarily post every single thing they personally believe in online. from like age 18-22 i had just come out as bi and was coming to terms with the fact that i was trans, and i was very much going through my "zeal of the convert" phase. i felt the need to display how "right" i was about queer issues online, how i knew all the "right" language, and got into a lot of pointless fights with other queer people about it because i felt like that was a valuable use of my time and energy. i bought into a lot of stupid shit back then. for example, i was briefly the type to believe that there was such a thing as "monosexual privilege" just because biphobia exists. but just because that belief might be present in a post somewhere deep in my archive, it doesn't mean i also made a later post correcting myself when i realized it was actually stupid and wrong. instead i got older and learned to shut the fuck up about pointless infighting, particularly things that are none of my business

#anon #ask

[be-my-sunrise]

The Masked Man || p.js

pairings: jason role-player!jisung x fem!reader

genre: smut, minor pls dni

wc: 3,551

warnings: phone sex, mutual masturbation, use of sex toy, choking, use of pet names and derogatory terms, reader had a dream about having sex with jisung. let me know if i missed anything!

a/n: this fic is a part of 1-800-SLASHER collab by @jenoslutie !! i apologize for being late, i was supposed to post this on halloween but it took me longer than i thought. also, i really tried writing the "scary" part but turns out i suck at it and i feel like the ending is ASS omg😭 happy late halloween!<3 enjoy~

“Hold up.. Phone sex with who now?”

“With Ghostface! The other day, I got so bored and came across this website called 1-800-SLASHERS. So, these people role-play as slashers, like Michael Myers and Ghostface, and we can have phone sex with them!”

You furrow your brows in confusion upon hearing your best friend, Giselle's, story. Staring at her face in disbelief through the video call on your laptop.

“And you paid them for that?”

“Well, duhh, obviously.” Giselle rolls her eyes at your question. “You should try it, too, you know.”

“No way, it’s so ridiculous! The idea itself is just crazy, like.. why would I want to do that?”

Honestly, you can’t even begin to think why would people want to pay a random person to role-play as a scary character and have phone sex with them. You feel like it’s just a waste of money, and the idea of having phone sex with a complete stranger is just weird to you.

“I’m just saying, don’t judge until you actually try it yourself. Plus, I remember you once said, and I quote, “I would definitely bang Jason Voorhees.” 

Giselle grins widely and wiggles her eyebrows teasingly at you. You groaned, face-palming yourself at the memory. “Oh my God, that was the one time we played ‘fuck, marry, kill'! Technically, I have to choose one of them.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Deflect all you want, girl, but the heavy emphasis on ‘definitely’ says a lot.” 

“Ugh, you’re so annoying.”

“Aww thanks, I try to.”

You glance at the time and realize that it’s getting late, remembering the unfinished assignment that is due tomorrow morning. You quickly bid your goodbyes to Giselle and hang up the call. Thankfully, you were almost done with the assignment when you suddenly received a call from your friend.

The next morning in class, your mind starts to wander from whatever topic the professor is currently talking about, thinking about plans to do during the weekend. It was Friday after all. In fact, it happens to be Friday the 13th, which made you recall the conversation with Giselle last night. You still don't understand the excitement behind it. Not that you're against it though, it's just not exactly a thing that you would do. But, the more you think about it, the more curious you get. 

The day goes by like a blur. After dinner, you sit on the couch, switching between TV channels to find anything to watch. You were about to switch to Netflix, but you stopped when your eyes caught the title of the movie. Friday the 13th. 

"Of course they have this playing right now," you scoff. 

Not knowing what else to watch, you decide to watch the movie anyway. Even though your eyes are glued to the screen, your mind wanders elsewhere. "What was that website again? 1-800-SLASHERS?" You thought to yourself. Despite what you kept saying, you just can't seem to get your mind off of it.

You unlock your phone and open the browser app, quickly typing out the website URL before pressing enter. The first thing you see after the page is loaded is the name 1-800-SLASHERS in big bloody letters. 

Just right below the name of the website, you find a list of the character names along with photos of the role-players in their sexy costumes. Well, it's not exactly costumes because all of them are almost naked while also wearing the scary masks. As you scroll through the list, you finally find the one character you're most interested in. You tap the photo to take a good look at the guy wearing a Jason mask, eyebrows raising when you realize that he's shirtless. 

He's sitting on a chair in a very laid-back position, knees wide apart, and his head slightly tilted to the side. His hands rested on top of his thighs with one hand holding a sharp knife. The photo was taken in dim lighting, but you can still clearly see his toned figure. You zoomed in on his body, eyes trailing down from his broad shoulders to his abs. His gray sweatpants hang low on his hips, giving you a peek of his v-line. When you look further down, your eyes widened in surprise seeing his cock print, almost choking on your spit. You bite down on your bottom lip at the sight, wishing he pulled it out instead of hiding it under his pants.

You quickly make an account and manage the payment settings. When it's all set up, you go back to the list page. A tab pops up when you tap his profile, showing you a call and video call button. You can't believe that you're actually considering this. But, after seeing a visual of the role-player, you can't stop yourself even if you want to. You hesitated a bit, not wanting to show your face.

"Maybe a call would be better for now."

Suddenly feeling nervous, you stare at the phone screen as you wait for the call to connect. Then the ringing stops and you move the phone closer to your mouth, clearing your throat before talking.

"Hello?"

"Hey there." Your breath hitches in your throat hearing a deep voice through the speaker.

"Hi, uhh.. what's up?"

There was a short silence followed by a low chuckle from the guy at the receiving end of the call.

"Oh, I'm doing good. You?"

"Me too."

You let out a nervous laugh, lowkey cringing at yourself. It's not like you haven't done this before, you've had phone sex with your ex-boyfriend a couple of times in your last relationship. But that was almost two years ago, so you can't help but feel weird and nervous.

"What's your name, doll?"

"You can call me y/n."

"Y/N. Such a pretty name for a beautiful girl like you."

"Oh, umm thank you. So.. should we get started?" You ask him, and he chuckles before answering. 

"Yeah, sure. Tell me what you're wearing right now."

"I'm wearing a tank top and shorts."

"Take off your shorts, doll."

You mumbled okay and set your phone down before hooking your thumbs on the waistband, slightly lifting your hips to take off your shorts along with your panties. Even though you're still nervous, you can feel yourself slowly relaxing, thanks to his voice. His deep voice sounds so calming, yet so sexy at the same time. Your mind goes back to the photo you saw before the call, pressing your thighs together at the thought of him. You imagine him sitting on the same chair, one hand around his cock, slowly pumping himself as he talks with you.

"I took off my shorts, and my panties too."

He hums in satisfaction, "Mmm you're such a good girl for me, taking off your panties before I told you to. Now, touch yourself where you want me most."

You move your hand towards your core, collecting the wetness on your fingers before pressing it against your clit. A small moan falls from your lips as you rub circles on the sensitive bud.

"Is my pretty doll touching herself?"

"Yes," you paused. "I wish it was your fingers instead of mine."

"Yeah? Tell me more, doll. What do you want me to do?"

You rub your clit faster, letting out a breathy moan as you put in more pressure. "Wish you were here too, I want to feel your fingers inside me."

He snickers, "Oh, baby, my fingers won't be the only thing you're getting if I'm there with you."

Closing your eyes, you slip two fingers into your core. You moan out loudly from the stretch, imagining it was his cock. 

"Bet you look so pretty around my cock. All fucked out, moaning and begging me to fuck you harder." 

Suddenly you hear a glass shattering, making your eyes fly open in shock. You look around to find the source of the noise, only to realize that it was coming from the TV. You see Jason punching through a small glass window to choke one of the female characters. You bite your lip and start pumping your fingers faster, making you whimper.

"Fuck, I need you so bad. I want you to choke me while you're fucking me senseless."

He lets out a groan in response, tightening the grip around his cock as he strokes faster. His heavy breaths can be heard through the speaker, making your eyes flutter close at the sound of his noises.

"My pretty doll likes it when I choke her, hm?"

"Fuck, yes. I want you to choke me until I pass out."

"My, my.. what a naughty doll you are," he chuckles. 

You feel a familiar knot in your stomach, muscles tense as you're reaching your climax. You put the phone down next to you, using your now free hand to rub circles on your clit, gasping from the added stimulation.

"Shit, I'm so close."

"Me too. Cum for me, doll. I wanna hear your pretty moans."

Your jaw goes slack from the orgasm, moaning loudly as you rock your hips to ride out your high. He mutters profanities under his breath hearing you moan. You can hear him panting, breath hitching in his throat as he also rides out his high.

"Hey, umm thank you for this. I think I'm gonna end the call now." You say, suddenly feeling awkward.

"Yeah, no problem. Hope I can see you next time, doll."

You press the end call button and get up to grab tissues to wipe your hands. After that, you turn off the TV and head to the bathroom to clean yourself.

***

A few days passed after the phone sex and you can't seem to get your mind off him. All you can think about is doing inappropriate things with him. Riding his cock until your legs go numb, leaving claw marks on his chest, and the list goes on. Oh, and his voice. Gosh.. his voice was sexy as fuck. You want him to whisper praises in your ear as he rails you.

You moan into the pillow, hands gripping the sheets. The guy behind you thrusts his hips roughly, burying his cock deep inside you.

"Fuck, feels so good." You say, voice slightly muffled.

"I can't hear you clearly with your face against the pillow, doll."

Your heart beats faster hearing the familiar voice and the pet name he used. He suddenly flips your body so you're lying on your back, throwing both of your legs over his shoulders. Your eyes widened in shock seeing the masked man before you. Even though his face is covered with a Jason mask, you still recognize his deep voice.

He leans his body closer, pressing your thighs and chest together in the process. He rests his hand next to your head and wraps the other one around your neck, blocking your airflow. Your eyes flutter close, moaning loudly as he continues to fuck you. 

"Ah, ah, ah. Eyes on me, doll. I wanna see your eyes get glazed over."

He mutters good girl under his breath when you open your eyes. Your mouth hangs open as you feel his grip around your throat get tighter with each thrust. He tilts his head to the side and chuckles.

"What's wrong, doll? You want this, don't you? You begged me to choke you while I fuck you dumb." 

Panic starts to fill your chest, but all you can think about is how good his cock is making you feel. You weakly claw at his hand, trying to pry it away and he just laughs at you mockingly. You start to feel dizzy, eyelids getting heavier as your vision darkens from the lack of air.

You suddenly open your eyes and your body jolts up in shock, hand clutching your neck as you gasp for air. You look around frantically only to find yourself in the dark. As your eyes adjust to the darkness, you start to calm down realizing that you're inside your bedroom. You had fallen asleep while watching a video on your laptop. It's now dark outside and only the soft glow from the moon is illuminating your room. You get off the bed and carefully walk across the room to turn on the lights, making you squint from the brightness. Then, you go to the bathroom to splash your face with cold water. After you're done, you stare at your reflection in the mirror.

"Wait.. did I just have a wet dream about that Jason role-player?" 

The wetness between your legs confirms your thought, making you blush as the realization hits. You touch your neck remembering the way he choked you in your dream and how good he made you feel. The thought of his cock filling you up nicely makes you press your thighs together. 

You go back to your room and reach for the laptop in your bed, quickly typing the website name in the search bar. You strip your clothes off, leaving your bra and panties on, which thankfully is a matching set. When the page loads, you scroll down to look for the guy who role-plays as Jason. Once you find his profile, you adjust the pillow and your sitting position so now your back is comfortably resting against the headboard. You open the nightstand drawer next to you and reach for the vibrator and a dildo before setting it aside. 

After turning on the webcam and clicking the video call button, you set your laptop down in front of you, making sure your body is seen on the camera. The line suddenly stops ringing and then you see him. He's shirtless, just like in the profile photo, only wearing gray sweatpants with the mask. You didn't even realize that you were staring until he snapped you from your daze.

"Hello? Hey, you okay?"

"Hm? Oh, sorry, I was too busy admiring the view."

He let out a small laugh, "I can say the same to you too."

"I'm not sure if you remember, but I called you here the other day. I'm y/n."

"Ah, yes, my pretty doll. Glad I can finally see you."

"You know, I can't get my mind off of you. I even had a dream about you." You bite your lip, debating whether to tell him about the dream you just had or not, but then you decide to just go for it. 

"We were having sex and then you choked me. I couldn't breathe, but all I cared about was how good your cock felt."

"Is that so? Take off your panties, doll. Show me how good I made you feel."

He hums in satisfaction at the sight of your soaked panties, palming himself through the pants while he waits for you to take off your panties. Once you take it off, you spread your legs wide and adjust the webcam so he can get a nice view of your glistening pussy, but can still see your face as well.

"Fuck, baby. Even your pussy looks so pretty."

You start rubbing your clit in small circles, moaning from even the slightest stimulation. You throw your head back as you pick up the pace, the pleasure making you dizzy. His cock twitches in his pants, clearly enjoying the show you're giving him. He pulls out his hardening cock, letting out a breathy moan as he slowly strokes his length. The noises he makes catch your attention. You were so horny you forgot that you're still in a video call. Your breath hitches in your throat at the sight of his cock. It's even better than you imagined. His cock is long and thick, you can feel your mouth watering.

"I need you so bad," you whimper.

"Yeah? You want me to fill you up nicely with my cock?"

"Fuck, yes please. I want you to stuff me full with your cock."

You grab the vibrator next to you, turning it on before pressing it against your clit. You moan loudly from the sensation, mouth itching to scream out his name. But then you realize you don't know his name.

"Tell me your name, please?"

"Sorry, doll. I can't tell you that."

"Please? I want to scream out your name," you beg. 

"I can't–"

"Tell me your name, please! I'll pay you!" You cry out from frustration. You're so close and you have been holding back, wanting to scream his name as you cum. "Please, I'll Venmo you right now, just tell me your username."

He grew silent for a moment, considering your offer. He feels bad about using you, but he knows you're too horny to think twice before paying him just to know his name and the extra money would be nice. It's actually against the policies, but at this point, he's also too turned on to care.

"Jspark."

Once he says his username, you quickly grab your phone and send him the money. He glances at his phone when he gets the notification, smirking as he sees the amount of money he received.

"Oh my pretty doll, I didn't know you're such a pathetic slut. You're so horny you didn't even think before throwing your money at me just to know my name so you can get off." He laughs at you mockingly before telling you his name, "I'm Jisung. Go ahead and scream my name, doll"

"Jisung!" 

You scream his name as you finally let go, back arching against the bed from the pleasure. You moan loudly as you ride out your high. He pumps his length faster, chest heaving up and down. You reach for the dildo and rub the tip against your slit. 

“I would love to see that in your mouth, doll. Get it all nice and wet for me?”

You close your lips around the tip, grimacing at the taste of your arousal. You lean closer to the camera before pushing the dildo into your mouth. You look straight into the camera as you bob your head up and down, cheeks hollowing as you suck the toy. Jisung can feel his cock throb in need, wishing it was his cock in your mouth. He imagined you kneeling in front of him, wrapping your pretty lips around his cock as you look up at him innocently through your lashes. The idea of you deep-throating his cock pushes him to the edge. Eyes close while his jaw goes slack. His abdomen tensed as he dumps his load on his stomach. Jisung let out a breathy laugh when he realized that you had turned the vibrator on again, pressing it against your clit while you suck the toy. 

“Look what you do to me, doll. I came once and I’m still hard as fuck.” He says while pumping his cock. You remove the toy from your mouth and suck in deep breaths. The way you look at him innocently with tears in your eyes and swollen lips, Jisung swears he could cum again right then and there.

“I got this all nice and wet for you, Jisung.” 

“Good girl. Now, put that in your pussy and keep the vibrator on your clit.”

Slowly, you push the dildo into your core. A broken moan falls from your lips as the toy stretches you out. The slight discomfort from the stretch feels so delicious that you don't even wait for yourself to adjust.

"Fuck, I wish this was your cock instead." You flick your wrist faster, the angle making you brush against your sweet spot. 

"Poor baby, is it not big enough for you? You still need my cock to stretch you out, hm?"

Overwhelmed by the double stimulation, you can only babble nonsense in response. Your thighs tremble from the pleasure as you move your hips to meet the dildo halfway, pushing the toy deeper. You pick up the pace when you feel the familiar knot in your stomach once again.

"I'm so close." 

"I don't think you deserve to cum, doll."

"Please, Jisung, I can't hold it anymore!" 

Jisung throws his head back as he grips his cock while fondling his balls using the other hand. His cock twitching in his hand, signaling that he is also reaching his climax. 

"Beg me."

"Jisungie~ please?"

His head felt like spinning. The noises you make and the way you whine his name drives him crazy.

"Fuck, y/n. I love it when you say my name. Go ahead, baby. Cum for me."

You let out a long moan, legs shaking from the intense climax. Jisung's breath hitches in his throat, panting as he cums as well. For a moment, only heavy breathing and a soft buzzing noise can be heard while both of you catch your breath. You pull out the dildo and turn the vibrator off.

"Thank you, Jisungie. That was great." You give him a weak smile. 

"Likewise, doll. I haven't cummed that hard lately," he chuckles.

"Well, I think I'm gonna go now. Maybe I'll see you again next time."

"I'm counting on it."

You end the call and close your laptop. You slip under the comforter and decide to clean up in the morning. You drift off to sleep, hoping that you would dream about Jisung again.

#1-800-SLASHER collab #be-my-sunrise #thea's writings #jisung smut #park jisung smut #nct smut #nct dream smut #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #jisung x reader #park jisung x reader

[diana-fortyseven]

I think it's time to share a secret with you: you don't have to see things you don't want to see on the internet.

Shocking, I know.

Most sites give you fairly decent tools to avoid concepts, topics, or people you don't like, and you should totally use them.

The smutty fanfic that makes you uncomfortable because it contradicts your headcanon for your favourite character? It's rated "explicit". If you click on it anyway and get angry? That's on you.

The AO3 author who keeps publishing smutty fanfics that make you uncomfortable because you don't even want to see the summaries of fics that have this one character fucking? Adjust your filters to only show you works that are rated "for general audiences" or "teen and up".

The AO3 author makes you angry now because they published so many fics you don't want to see? Mute the author. You'll never have to see any of their works ever again.

You also don't want them to interact with your fics? Block them too.

The Tumblr user who wants to see their favourite characters fuck? You can block them. It's fine. You don't need to see their posts.

Many Tumblr users want to see their favourite characters fuck? You can just filter the tags they use for talking about wanting to see their favourite characters fuck. You don't need to go into these fandoms' tags to complain about people enjoying themselves in a way you don't enjoy. The way they do fandom isn't about you. If you don't like what you see, don't go there.

I know that the tools these sites give you aren't perfect.

Tumblr for example still shows you that posts with tags you filtered exist, and you still have to scroll past them. Sometimes you don't want to block a user, you just don't want to see this one specific post or fic all the time. If you filter out a lot of things on AO3, it can be annoying to enter these filters every single time you want to browse your fandoms.

Good thing that using the internet on desktop opens a whole new world of browser extensions and user scripts for you!

Make Tumblr posts with certain tags or even words in the body of the post disappear completely? Possible with this script here. Make just this one post you hate so much disappear? Possible with this script here. Make just this one fic you hate so much disappear? Possible with this script here. Save AO3 filters? Possible with this script here.

I have this extensive collection of my favourite browser extensions and user scripts for fanfic sites on my Dreamwidth.

They're sorted by site, which makes it easier to find what you're looking for. All of them are free. Most of them can just be installed as is. If you need help with one of them you need to edit a little, let me know. I'll happily walk you through or give you the snippet of code you need to make it do what you want it to do.

Curate your own online experience. Other people on the internet aren't responsible for your decision to keep walking into spaces you don't want to be in. You can't demand that others censor themselves because you don't understand the concept of Just Not Reading Something.

(And honestly, even if you already knew that other people on the internet aren't your babysitters, you should check out my list of scripts! They're fucking amazing! :D)

#Fandom

[sixty-silver-wishes]

Roasting you based on your favorite of these German Expressionist films

(this post is a joke; don't take it too seriously lol)

Metropolis: You've got spicy political opinions and daddy issues. You were doing great in life until you found out how corrupt capitalism is sometime in high school or college, and it's absolutely mind-boggling to you that nobody else is batting an eyelid at all the injustices of the world because they're too busy defending the concept of a 40-hour work week. You're constantly checking your privilege and everyone else's, too. Or you just want to bang a robot. That's probably it.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari: Okay, I could make a joke about you being emo, or you liking the most basic film on the list, but that's not really the issue here. Your Hot Topic fashion sense and shitty drugstore eyeliner are nowhere near as concerning as the fact that you have no idea who the hell you are without them. You constantly overthink everything and are great at solving everyone's problems but your own, and you're averaging like 4 hours of sleep on a good night. You can't get your intrusive thoughts to leave you alone and if you relate to literally any character in this film, you need to get help. It's okay; I promise your therapist doesn't secretly hate you.

M: You're a surprisingly sweet and empathetic person for someone whose favorite film on this list is about a child murderer. You care deeply about others and are very much in tune with yourself, but unfortunately, everything you say is so off-putting that most people don't get that vibe about you. If they actually gave you a chance, they'd find that you have a great personality, but they don't, so instead you're stuck at home stalking your ex's vacation photos on social media.

Dr. Mabuse the Gambler: You like the finer things in life. You're high-maintenance, your tastes are classy and expensive, and you actually know how wine tasting works. However, you're way too into conspiracy theories and pyramid schemes for your own good, and your cultured proclivities are deeply undercut by the fact that you probably got into Bitcoin when that was a thing. Your two career paths are either "businessperson" or "cult leader," and it's concerningly difficult to discern which one you're on.

Nosferatu: Your sense of humor relies entirely on recycling memes that are at least a decade old, and the fact that you communicate nearly entirely in pop culture references is your attempt at disguising the fact that you're really bad at socializing. You think you have lots of great ideas that make perfect sense, but most people don't know what the hell you're going on about. However, you've got one or two ride or die friends who love you for who you are, cringe and all. Keep being you, Nosferatu fan. Never change.

The Student of Prague: I'm not sure this one is actually anyone's favorite film, but if this was yours, you were into shipping the Onceler with himself when that was a thing. You're super competitive, but you have a tendency to overwork yourself and burn out quickly, so now you're living off of Top Ramen and protein bars. People love to tell you that you "have potential" and "just need to apply yourself," but what they don't get is that you're stressed 24/7 and won't give yourself a break because you're trying so hard to satisfy your own impossible standards. Please take a nap.

Der Golem: You're great with children, small animals, and potted plants, but that's because literally anyone else you have to deal with fucking pisses you off. The absolute audacity of everyone around you means you're never not two seconds away from throwing hands, but honestly? You're always right and you should say it. You're actually a really nice person, but people keep pushing you to your limit and you're sick of it. On an unrelated note, you probably work in customer service.

Different from the Others: If this is your favorite film and you're a member of the LGBT community, that's perfectly understandable. It was a monumental achievement in LGBT cinema in the early 20th century and, despite being somewhat dated by today's standards due to the time period it was created in, largely holds up as an educational, yet tragic, piece of cinema. That being said, if you're a straight/cis/allo person and this is your favorite film, what is going on with you. I want to study you in a lab. How did you find this film. Come to think of it, how did you even get into German Expressionist cinema to begin with. I just want to know

Der Januskopf: [REDACTED]

Genuine: You're a "Caligari" fan who doesn't want to seem basic like the rest of the "Caligari" fans, so somehow you ended up here. You don't actually like this film aside from the visuals. Nobody actually likes this film. You want so, so badly to like this film, so you lie to yourself, just like you do about everything else.

#german expressionism #silent films #silent movies #metropolis #the cabinet of dr. caligari #m 1931 #dr. mabuse the gambler #der golem #nosferatu #the student of prague #different from the others #der januskopf #genuine 1920