#...kinda. (why did Wrex come with us. Wrex is just here on the ship. He wanted to join us to get Fist. He never agreed to hunt Saren).

[sol-consort]

Who is a non romancable npc that you would've liked to romance in each game?

I want to fuck Admiral Hackett.

Man, it feels good getting it out there, you feel me? These things are good for you.

Anyway, so.

ME1

Wrex

didn't know much about korgans at the time and just thought they were the hottest thing alive. Especially that stare down Wrex and Shepard have when they first meet each other in the C-sec station and he's throwing his weight everywhere and not giving a single fuck about the cops trying to arrest him.

Are Korgans just not attracted to humans? He never makes a move on you. Ever. They're clearly into asari and we're not that far off.

In the first game, he was the only one to not respect Shepard from the start. It's kinda hot, yk? He was this mysterious edgy person with a jaded view on his race, and we were this hopeful human who wanted to encourage him to reunite the koragns. I wanted to have a slobby makeout session with him filled with teeth after his personal mission.

.

Nihlus

Listen to me. It was love at first sight. I still remember it so clearly when you talk to him in the prologue where he questions you about Eden Prime. The fact he was the one to recommend Shepard to the council as a spectre too is just the topping on the cake.

I think he was into us, as a human. Like everyone on the ship clearly was weary of him because of how fresh the first contact war was, and Shepard is the only friendly person to him besides Anderson.

My Ideal romance would've been us saving him from Saren then being a mentor and student kinda of ordeal? Like at a certian point we surpass him in power while sparring and he looks so proud of us and we lean in for the kiss and he doesn't pull away.

A Turian and a human romance would've been so scandalous on the first game bc of again, contact war. It would've been the perfect drama.

.

Doctor Chakwas.

You can't tell me that you didn't think about it! She is the only person taking care of everyone on this damn ship. We're in the middle of fuck off space clumsily stumbling our way into shootouts and coming out with bullets in godforsaken places!

She's the one that patches you up while scolding you for being so reckless. She can abandon protocols and formality as much as she likes because she's your doctor and has a right to! She can order a whole admiral around.

It doesn't help how she opens up to us about her fantasies in her youth of being this cute doctor and patching up wounded soldiers with stars in their eyes and living the romance dream. The game is begging you to make her dream a reality and give this older woman the true romantic experience she has been dreaming of!

.

Captain Anderson

Listen to me. Listen. No no come back. Come here!

I am an adult, you are an adult. We are adults. He is a very hot adult that I want to do unspeakable things to.

I'm just saying!!! I didn't know anything about him becoming Shepard's parental figure in ME2 and ME3.

So when I first met him in ME1 I was like oh. Are we about to...have a superior forbidden army romance situation? Am I your sugar baby? Golden trophy soldier? Why do you like me so much and treat me with so much favouritism? Are we doing it on the down low behind closed doors?

But no. They take him away from me like immediately afterwards and burst my bubble of fantasy. I forget about him for the rest of the game then I meet him at the end but it doesn't hit the same vibe it did at the start.

He just admires and respects Shepard. Nothing else :(

My romance and fantasy with him was very short lived and now he is more of a stand in parental figure.

.

ME2

The Illusive man

He is obsessed. Literally every interaction with him made me feel so giddy inside afterwards. It's like he gets off on just being near you and doesn't ask for nothing else. He is like a sugar daddy without the needed sugar.

And the "Cerberus allowance" credits money that you get after each missions just increasing in numbers didn't help. You report to him after every mission and he gives you more and more money. It almost makes you feel dirty in a good way.

Like based on his shadowbroker intel, he has the best escorts and strippers in the galaxy that he frequents. Yet it is you that he spends the most money on and you don't even have to put out or show a shoulder. It's not like a mercenary job either because one of his requirements is seeing you and talking to you, stalking you even.

Your meer existence gives him a rush and he keeps paying you for it, just to be allowed to witness you being you. I wish there was an evil romance option route where you go full human supremacy and agree with his evil plans to control the reapers and the last scene is like Shepard sitting on his lap in that room with the orange blue star.

I want that romance to be creepy and clearly self-serving. That both of them are using each other to get their own needs. There is no love involved, just obsession and hunger for power.

.

Legion

They wear a piece of your armour, they have a hole where their heart should be. They clearly look up to you so hopelessly with admiration.

And you're the first organic to treat them with kindness, show them warmth, help give them a name. You're everything they imagine love to be and more and they literally cannot process it. They can't comprehend the feelings they're feeling, they only know it's all consuming and they're short-circuiting around you.

It would've been a very fluffy and sweet romance where you really push the limit of the geth having a soul. To have a soul is to love, even if it's not romantic love.

But as a romance between you too, I feel like Legion having a scene where they pluck a small flower from the ground to present to you is everything. But then the flower gets crumbled in their iron grip and they look all dejected and sad.

You gently taking it and still thanking them for it, maybe putting the flower in the hole in their chest after giving it a small kiss. I have so many ideas, Legion deserves so much softness.

.

Aria

I don't think she'd allow a full romance, but we definitely would've had a complicated relationship. Both dominiating and ruling their own corners of the galaxy, yours just happened to be a moving ship.

It's like a ruthless queen and a faithful soldier. She could've made Shepard worse, you could've made her better. It's a very complicated love and hate relationship, a constant power play.

You send her Valentine's gifts that she claims to have thrown away, but you see her snacking on the box of chocolates that you got her the next time you visit. Threatening to cut someone's hand off because they asked for a piece.

She always tells you to go find someone cute to spend the night with but all of her strippers know better than to flirt with you. Aria warned all of them that you're off limit and no one even dares looks into your eyes.

Hell the fact she got a whole bartender to give you drinks for free after the last one tried to poison you? God that's hot.

But emphasis on complicated. Neither of you are willing to step down from your thrones and serve the other. She wants you on a leash like a dog at her side, you want to weild her like a dagger against your enemies throats.

Both of you were made for freedom and only deal with people who obey all of your orders. The two of you can never have a peaceful relationship because you're constantly at each other's throats but the attraction and tension is so thick in the air to deny.

.

ME3

Admiral Hackett

I don't have any excuse. I only started getting attracted to him during this game when we kept having constant communication with him.

He just...is very calm? Includes Shepard a lot and is very patient and wise. Steering you into the right direction and reminding you of the greater purpose you all serve.

But also he is down to earth in his own way, it feels intimate for him to call you just Shepard. Look at you with such eyes that have seen everything, it's like he is the single person that understands what you're going through in this, the single person to share your burden in all of this.

Because Anderson can't relate to Shepard in the way Shepard is supposed to be invincible steel, the way Shepard is supposed to be the unbreakable hero. But Hackett feels like he can relate to you in that way, like he too was in your shoes once and knows how lonely it must be.

How each relationship you have will always have a hallow emptiness inside because you can never be equal to someone. Each person you date will always see the commander Shepard before seeing you, the world will fall for your mask and not the one wearing it.

Except Admiral Hackett. It's like he can see behind the mask. He can see behind the titles and spectre status and the medals. He sees you as the little thing you are, so tired and exhausted from carrying the weight of the galaxy on your shoulders, you poor thing.

He's very caring in a way, no matter what wrongs you've done. He's very understanding too.

In ME2, he asks you for a favour and contacts you to help him. YOU! he asks YOU while you were a traitor working for Cerberus. god, the amount of trust he has in you.

Not to mention that he was actively stalling the alliance when it came to charging you for crimes for allying with Cerberus even before the whole favour DLC thing. In the Shadowbroker messages you can find him telling his subordinates "Negative" when they asked to finally bring you in.

It's also how commanding he is with just a single word? He does it twice. Once in the battle of Saren in ME1 when the alliance ships are beginning to retreat and he calmly refuses and tells them to move ahead.

And in ME2 where his subordinates write a long ass email on why you should be charged with treason but his literal only response is "negative."

His words carry such weight to them, fuck. It's so attractive the power and authority he casually throws around. Actually casually doing it unlike the illusive man who makes a point to show off to you. Hackett has nothing to prove and no one to impress.

The only person to view the commander Shepard as a fragile thing. The only person to understand what you're going through. The only person to realise what's truly at stakes here. How can I not want to be with him?

But with you he talks longer, he explains himself and line of thinking more. He doesn't treat you with the same strict attitude he gives to other soldiers. It's clear favouritism where he is gentler with you, softer like you're a fragile thing that might crack if someone even raised their voice at you.

Not to mention the whole "why pick me?" Dialogue option you get to ask him. On why he puts so much faith in you. Why he is always on your side.

And you get a straight answer for once. It's because you have this magical pull on people that gets them to work together, you were made to be a leader. It's easy to pay a merc to shoot a gun for you, but you cannot pay them for their loyality to follow you into hell twice. Yet you have that effect on people and he clearly sees your true skills that the others are blind to.

.

I have more, like James Vega, Samara, Mordin, Joker, EDI, Conrad verner, Saren, Sovereign, Kai Leng and Eve.

But I've written a lot, maybe for another time! Thanks for asking this, btw <3

#☆Anderson #☆Hackett #☆Aria #☆Wrex #☆Legion #☆Dr.Chakwas #☆Nihlus #☆the Illusive man

[death-rebirth-senshi]

The funniest thing about what Ashley says about everyone always considering their own species as more important is that it's 100% throughout the entire series including Andromeda.

There is not a single character in the entire mass effect series that I can think of that ever treats it as "we are one galactic people" type of view over going "my people my people etc." You just don't get any opportunities to criticize it.

#me vs me1 #EVEN IN ANDROMEDA WHERE WE LITERALLY ALL COME HERE TOGETHER AS ONE #not necessarily in a negative way and not to say Ashley isn't wrong here about Garrus and Wrex #...kinda. (why did Wrex come with us. Wrex is just here on the ship. He wanted to join us to get Fist. He never agreed to hunt Saren). #also Wrex works for the shadow broker but that's not what Ashley says #tl;dr Ashley is wrong but she's not *wrong*

[annakie]

An Annotated Mass Effect Playthrough, Part Six

Wherein we get out into space and explore a bit, and complete our crew.

And post a lot of gifs, because screenshots were lost.

List of Posts: 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

So I use the NVidia Control Panel app to take screenshots and videos.  Since it’s already running and it takes good shots it seems dumb to not use it.

I ended up being super busy this week and didn’t play much, just got through like, talking to Kaidan after the big speech on the bridge more or less for the entire week, and through Therum.  I updated my drivers a day or two ago.  And then I didn’t notice that for whatever reason, yesterday when I went to play for a few hours, NVidia decided to record videos just fine, but not take screenshots.  I probably actually mashed the button several hundred times.... but all I got were videos.

Most of it wasn’t a great loss, it was a lot of talking to the crew, and a few planetary missions which... so I’m going to have to go back and redo some of it later for screenshots.

But I thought... hey, for posting on tumblr, I’ll just make it a shorter update and make a few gifs and most this a mostly-gif post!  That’ll be fun!

...and then I spent several hours making almost 80 gifs, including a lot of what I also had screenshots for but thought making gifs would be more fun.  

I mean I was watching the last few eps of the newest season of Great British Bake Off on Netflix, and a few other shows this morning so it wasn’t just gif time... but yeah I made a lot.  So I might split this into two posts now because... that’s a lot of gifs. This post will still have a lot of screenshots, too.  So here we go!

There are so many things to love about this moment.  It’s such a great like, re-launch of the game... Bioware telling us “Okay, now you know the plot, you know all the major players, you know a lot about our world (galaxy) and how it works and who lives here, now, it’s time for you to go out on your own.”

First, it starts with being able to vent a little to Joker, which is a nice touch.  Shepard might feel guilty about taking the ship over from Anderson, but Joker also assures us here, a great preview of the way he’s tasked with helping Shepard keep it together in ME3.

I love seeing Shepard’s words affect the crew.  The swelling music, the same as the “you’re a Spectre now!!” music just underscores the journey, and what’s to come.

I used to always miss this scene by not picking the right speech option, and would be mad Kaidan was left out of this montage.  My fault!

This moment is so beautiful and epic.

...and here we go.

ALOT, btw, makes the galaxy map so pretty.  Sharper and clearer and more colorful.  

We all usually just head to Liara’s Dig Site first, right?  Unless you’re doing one of those “Pick up Liara last just to see what happens” playthroughs?  I did that once. It felt weird.  And sad, when you tell her “oops I killed your mom and I’m not sorry.”  Seems like she shouldn’t have gotten over that so quickly, but well, that’s game design.  The entire plot just doesn’t feel the same and more flimsy without Liara around from the start.

I usually do Therum --> Feros --> Noveria --> Virmire.

Well okay, first a stop at Edolus, since, you know, it’s on the way.

What a LOVELY day, nothing could possibly go wrong on this barren world. I feel like they gave us a pretty easy-to-get-around-on world to start out with.

I honestly love driving around in the mako 90% of the time?  Once you’re used to the controls, it’s not that hard to get most places you want to go.  Though I admit the Nomad in Andromeda is a big upgrade.  I kinda miss it in ME2 and ME3, though I only do what driving is necessary in Overlord and skip Firewalker like, half the time.

First, let’s check out the map...

I’m pretty sure I didn’t realize you could mark your destination on the map and it’d put a handy arrow on your radar until I started playing on PC.  Before then I was checking the map every 5 seconds making SURE I was going the right way.  *facepalm*  

Generally my scanning strategy on the planet is... just go to the things on the map, but do go to ALL the things on the map.  If I see something along the way, stop and get it.  I don’t go way out of my way to look for unmarked stuff.  Usually the UNC missions can be completed doing that + complete planet / asteroid scanning.

Oh hey here’s a guy, let’s just grab what we can off him...

UGH.  MINIGAMES.

Like I get that the minigame is a stand in for “looking for clues, are you successful in finding anything useful?” or whatever but it’s still just the worst.  A minigame is fun occasionally, making it as a gate to something like looting a body is stupid.  I guess I have to forgo actually putting points into things that keep Kaidan alive at the early levels so he can help me... loot bodies.  Cool.  Great.

Since I’m cheating in credits, all weapons and armor get medigelled almost immediately so that I don’t have to do the minigame later on when they get harder, like, ever.

The ME2 minigames at least make a little more sense than this moving puzzler thing.  That’s at least an attempt to look like some kind of code hacking or rewiring/reprogramming.  This thing is just... silly.

ME2 has a disable minigames mod... so there will be no talk of minigames from here on out.  They don’t exist after the easy minigames early on in ME1.

So I ... somehow managed to not get video or screenshots of you know the ICONIC THRESHER MAW attack on Edolus?  So please enjoy this gif I made of it back in 2013 instead.

It’s such a great fakeout and moment.  Like “Oh man how easy my goal is like right in front of me!  That’s great, so easy!” then OH HELL NO, FUCK YOU, GIANT WORM!!

These gifs are from another planet later on, but they’ll do.

My normal MO with Maws is to get out of the way, far enough that they can’t appear too close to or especially under me, but close enough that they do still show up, then stay stationary and jump over the goo while shooting at it.

YOU’RE FACING THE OTHER WAY HOW DID YOU SPIT AT ME?!

This is fine.  EVERYTHING IS FINE. We’re just A LITTLE ON FIRE.  Our shields are at full...

Oh hell, Kaidan slap some medigel on it, please.

Even though we don’t know who Cerberus is yet, FUCK YOU CERBERUS. I always bring the VS to any Cerberus mission because THEY WERE RIGHT NOT TO JOIN YOU IN CERBERUS.  Let’s keep a FUCK YOU CERBERUS count going to remember all the horrible shit we SAW Cerberus do in ME1 to remind ourselves why Ashley or Kaidan is the only SANE ONE for going “No, sorry, I’m not joining you in Cerberus.”

Deep breath

OK, let’s go get Liara.

Wrex comes with us to Therum.

Dear Lord, Therum is gorgeous.

This is real nice just a pleasant day on this thresher maw-less planet and great scenery, we’ll find that asari scientist in no ti--- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

Have I mentioned how everything is fine lately?

Well it’s time for how I deal with most of the geth while in the Mako...

Armatures are worth five points each!

Rocket troopers are only two points, but I got a lot of them!

Stopping and fighting in the Mako takes way too long.  Push on through all the way til we’re stopped.

Hm, this is the one I should push, right?

*crickets*

Fine.

Just... real pretty.

I love this part of Therum right here.  A really great, scary fight that feels so dangerous, but winnable.  Great level design, too.

Then this happens.

Does everyone’s hair do that in this cutscene, or just mine, or this hairstyle?

Also, ME3 has a mod now that lets chracters use their correct weapons in cutscenes, my eternal devotion to the modder who could do that in ME1.  None of these characters use assault rifles in-game!!

I’m fairly certain I have played and replayed this fight more than any other in ME1.  AKA RUN FOR COVER OH SHIT AVOID THE BOMBS AND LASERS FLYING AT YOU AT ONCE PLEASE DON’T DIE COMPANIONS PLEASE KILL SOMETHING I CAN’T DO THIS ON MY OWN AHHHHH!!! 

This time around, I died my first time, actually did really well the second time, and decided to go back and record the fight for gifs and... won, barely.  The gifs would not be good.  Wrex and Kaidan didn’t last long. 

Anyway, It’s a great cutscene, but hoo boy I wish it were skippable.

Okay but what were these ruins *for*.  Also, real lucky that they had the boss fight way up here instead of down where Liara was.

Speaking of Liara...

Hello Doctor T’soni!

I have a lot of questions like... how long have you been in that bubble?  How are you sustaining it that long?  How long has it been since you’ve eaten?  If I didn’t come get you until after Virmire, would you have been holding that bubble up for the weeks in between then and now?  

Ah well, you’re here now, and I suppose I’m going to owe you my life later so... welcome to the team.

You gotta admit that’s one badass entrance, though uh, if the forcefield is still up, where did he come from?  Doesn’t matter.  Wrex, let’s kill us one of your brethren (sorry.)

I’ll just *assume* that Liara is too tired from holding up her stasis bubble she was in to actually be USEFUL.

I love the chaos of running the fuck out of there.

Texture popping is still an issue even with a decent computer and texture packs, but at least it’s quick now.

Also I really feel the loss of this conference room in the future games.  The awkward oval table never quite feels the same.  But also, uh, this is a lot of room taken up in this small ship for eight chairs and a holoprojector.  You gotta think there’s more uses for this space than just that.

But yeah, I love these check-ins, it’s a chance for everyone to get together and really hash out what’s going on, as well as reinforcing the plot to the players in a more natural way.  Having Liara this early will let us understand the Protheans better at an earlier stage, even if it turns out she’s wrong about some stuff (though at the time this was written, she was right for all everyone knew.)

Wrex and Garrus don’t talk much here, probably because you can make it through the game without one of them.  I did a “didn’t recruit Garrus” playthrough in ME2 once.  They change like one or two lines then Garrus goes back to talking about Old Times.  So like you CAN, but you really shouldn’t not recruit Garrus, because Bioware didn’t do a great job changing anything aside from your initial greeting during the Omega Archangel mission.

Not recruiting Wrex, though.  Wow that’ll have consequences later on.

OK!  So the gang’s all here, and this post is already very long.  Next time: Let’s go talk to everyone for awhile, and do a few more sidequests because we can’t go back to the Citadel til our persuasion is high enough to grind Mikhailovich’s arguments into the dust!

#mass effect #liara t'soni #urdnot wrex #kaidan alenko #ashley williams #garrus vakarian #annakie's mass effect stuff

[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Drunk Punch Love: Chapter 7

Emotional Baggage

Udina and Anderson tried to convince Shepard to wear her N7 uniform to the memorial, to be an easily recognizable figurehead. But of all the "figurehead" shit they made her do the past week, this was the one she refused.

This memorial wasn't about her and her suit of armor. It was about those who weren't so lucky at the end of the battle.

This was about Ash.

So, Shepard wore simple black pants and a button up shirt. She didn't want to stand out at all. Not today, not when she was the one who made the call that meant Ash couldn't be here. The main memorial was held in the Presidium- Udina and Anderson wanted people to be inspired by the up and coming reconstruction.

But afterwards, Anderson let her and the crew use his apartment as a more personal funeral for Ashley. She appreciated it, because they couldn't make it back to Earth for the one her parents were putting together. Though, she wasn't sure her parents would want her there. That, or they'd say the words "noble sacrifice" or "hero" too much and Shepard would have to find the nearest bar to burn that out of her brain.

No, they all just needed to remember her as a team. The past few months had changed all of them, and Ash was a huge part of that.

Of all people, Wrex was the first to talk about the Gunnery Chief. "Williams was an asshole when I met her, and maybe she was still an asshole by the time she was gone. But somewhere in between, we took a lot of shots together. It woulda been nice to take a few more with her."

Everyone clapped at the short speech, and even though it was only a handful of people, it was nice. Much like Ash would've preferred, there was an open bar and implied dancing later. Shepard really didn't feel like dancing, but if Ash goaded her, she would've.

But Ash wasn't here, was she?

Yeah, that one hurt like a motherfucker when she swallowed it down, watching Tali pull the rest of her crewmates get pulled into swaying to Ash's favorite songs. The unofficial wingwoman now became the leader, at least for one night.

Anya knew she wasn't being a great participant in the memories, but she had already done a rousing, Councilor edited speech about Ash and the others during the big memorial. Right now, she was spent and all she wanted to do was remember that Ash loved these people and she'd love this party and damn did she wish she was here.

While she didn't mean to leave as early as she did, Anya didn't know if she could keep up the strong hero facade much longer. Saren was gone and it was time to finally experience all the pain and feelings that had been gnawing at her heels. And she had to stop running.

But before she could slip out the door, someone grabbed her arm.

Anya looked up and two bright blue eyes were glaring down at her. "You said I'd get to help."

Staring back at Garrus Vakarian, his voice low and his grip firm, Anya couldn't keep fighting. Nodding, she let him walk out with her. They stopped by Flux to grab a bottle of classic Russian vodka before heading to the empty Normandy to do the whole feelings thing in her room.

She really didn't need the whole crew accidentally seeing her turn into an absolute disaster when they came back. She didn't even really want Garrus to see her like this, but the damned turian insisted. So, might as well prep him for the firing squad.

When they got into her room, Anya stopped dead the second the door closed behind them. She couldn't look at him, but she could already feel the pressure build on her face as she pictured the last time she heard Ash's voice. Whispering, she said, "It should've been me."

"What-"

Anya wrapped her arms around her shoulders, felt the tears run down her cheeks. It only burned worse. She got to cry about this shit, and Ash- "It always should've been me. There were better soldiers on Akuze that deserved to survive more than I did, but my Commander chose me to head back because of my tactical cloaking abilities. I got to run because I could hide. And with Ash, I should've made sure that mission was complete, not left it to a soldier who had so much less baggage to give the world. And the council. Why do I always end up alive when everyone else ends up dead?"

Garrus walked around her, stood in front of her, but she still wouldn't look. He seemed desperate not to push her, so he kept his hands to himself and tried to keep things simple. "Sounds like you're really struggling with that survivor's guilt."

"Of course it's survivor's guilt. Because I keep surviving and people I love keep dying. Hell, I don't even need to love them. It doesn't matter. If I love them, if I push them away, even if I fucking hate them. They're dead. People die in the military, I get it. But I've been on fifty missions where someone didn't come back. Twenty of them, it was more than one. Three of them, I was the only one left alive. I've watched more friends die than friends I have alive, by a painfully wide margin. I don't know if I can keep doing this, but everyone just keeps looking up to me like I'm some hero when really I'm just always the only one left."

This time, he stayed quiet. After a prolonged silence, he stepped forward and pulled her into his arms. They were gentle and warm and more than she deserved. But she pressed her face into his shirt and balled her fists against his chest, holding onto the fabric like it was a lifeline. "Survivor's guilt is hard, but it's starting to feel like I'm the one killing people, Garrus. And I don't know if I can live with that."

"I can't change what hurts, and I can't bring those people back. But I can say that you don't bring people together because you're some angel of death. You bring them together because you're willing to fight the fights everyone else calls a lost cause." Anya finally looked up at him, with all his sharpness and angles and alien features, and only found someone that made her feel safe. The only person that really made her feel safe. Garrus continued, "You got a jaded C-Sec officer who probably would've gotten fired to drop everything and help stop the bad guy that he thought no one would stop. You did something I used to think might be impossible. You're hurt, and you're still a squishy human, but you're also still a hero that people would follow into hell."

Taking a deep breath, Anya added, "Yeah, but sometimes I wish they'd stop following me. And I think she could've been a better hero."

Garrus didn't say anything. Not because he agreed, because the way he tilted his face and eyes when she said that said otherwise. But because she was pretty sure he also knew that she didn't care if he disagreed with her.

Instead, he stepped back and picked up the vodka. "You didn't seem to need this to get out the feelings. Still wanna go for it?"

Anya shook her head, figuring if she could cry without the booze, there was no point risking it. "Nah. I'll save nectar from the motherland for a different occasion." Grabbing the bottle out of his hand, she put it on her shelf. She had no clue when she'd ever take it down, but she didn't really want to know.

"What made this time different?"

Turning back towards him, her eyebrows raised. She didn't know what he meant by that. "Hmm?"

"I mean what made you have to break down."

She didn't mean to laugh, not in such a sarcastic, dark way. But when she let out a snort and stopped, she thought she might as well tell him the truth. "I always break down afterwards. The only difference this time is that you were here, wanting to help put the pieces back together. I always used to do it by myself."

His eyes met hers and she couldn't tell what he was thinking. There was something sad and deep and soulful in the way he was looking at her. And then he started stepping towards her, and she didn't mean for her dumb heart to race or for her face to flush, but they did. Garrus probably just pitied her, just feeling bad about her sad life. But then he stopped mere inches in front of her and asked, "Why did you do it alone for so long?"

"Because until you, I didn't believe anyone when they said they wanted to help me."

If she didn't know better, she'd say things felt very warm in between them, almost electric. And the way he was looking down at her, it felt like he was so close, and she knew she shouldn't even think about leaning closer, but everything about him made her feel like...

Well, it made her feel like she had a home. And she hadn't felt that way in years.

But just as she closed her eyes and accepted the consequences of whatever was happening, her door pinged open and Joker walked himself over to her bed and laid down. Both her and Garrus jolted and just stared at him while he did it, but he seemed too drunk to give a damn.

The confused turian gestured to their pilot and asked, "Do I need to know something about you two?"

Anya was ready to throw Joker out the fucking airlock. "Yes. I mean, no. Nothing like you think." She tried to run a hand through her hair, but her damn bun was in the way. Right. She had put it up to be formal at the memorial. Pulling out the ties and pins, she then got the proper stress relief. Anya explained, "When at the Academy, Joker's condition meant he couldn't stay in the dorms like everyone else just in case he had a bone break. My mother taught when he went there, so he stayed with us. He's like my younger cousin, and he has a bad habit of hijacking my room whenever he gets drunk so that I can help make sure he didn't break himself. Or be there to help if he did."

Garrus tried to stay straight-faced, but even he wound up laughing. "So this has happened before?"

"Unfortunately. Even on this ship. I'm kinda surprised I haven't had to explain it until now."

They both just stared at the passed out Joker until Garrus sighed, seemed to accept the state of things, and sat down on her couch. On the left side, like he did every movie night. Anya tried to be casual sitting next to him, but her heart palpitations were still struggling to calm down. He had this perplexed look on his face. "So your mom was a teacher? I thought she was Navy."

"Not by choice. I was trying to rebel by not joining the Alliance. She was making a point to keep me close to it, even taking in a very enthusiastic flight student, to try to convince me otherwise. When she finally got her way after a few months, she left Joker and I the apartment and went back to being a Captain. She's a soldier, through and through."

"So you weren't kidding when you said she pushed you to be like her. Like my father pushed me."

"Absolutely not. And I've become everything she could ever dream, despite my attempts to just be a good person and not get too much attention."

"Sounds like one hell of a childhood. Is it a Russian thing? You talk about that Earth region you're from a lot and it seems... very intense."

"Not quite, she just happens to be a terrible stereotype of a super intense Russian women. But she's not all vodka and muscles and "for the motherland". She fell in love with an American, after all. John Shepard. Also an Alliance pilot, before he died. I think it's why she took such an unnatural liking to Joker."

"My father did that with my childhood friend, Panek. Always brought him with us on field trips to his office or military bases. Said he reminded him of his brother, a reckless young soldier who got himself killed during the Skyllian Blitz."

"And what happened to Panek?"

"Let's just say he was probably a bit too much like my uncle." Garrus leaned into the couch and, despite the loss that tinged his face, he almost seemed nostalgic talking about it all. Anya liked to hear him talk. "But my family isn't all difficult military men. I have Solana, my sister. I've mentioned her before. She's the responsible one, got into politics and interplanetary relations more than military, but she is also the pestering kind. Speaking of, I'll have to message her after this. Haven't done that this week and if I don't, she;ll give me hell."

When he laughed, it was filled with familial love and admiration and years of memories. Anya almost wished she had more of a traditional family. Before the Citadel, she couldn't remember the last time she heard from her mom. Was it when she got Spectre? Was there any time in between? And she definitely couldn't remember the last time they met face to face. But with all her musings, Garrus was giving her this serious look and said, "I already know Joker and you clearly don't talk like... Well, I see you're a different kind of close. But does him being around help?"

"Yeah. Even though I don't really know how to talk serious with him, I do know he'd do anything for me. Sure he might break his ribs in the process, but that's part of the charm."

"What was it like, having Joker as a roommate?"

"Absolutely insane. Picture how sarcastic he is now, but buried in an exhausting zeal for flying Alliance ships. I would wake up at 4 am, at least once a week, to him training or studying, even when he was piss drunk like tonight. My favorite time was when, totally plastered, Joker woke up my mother to try to give him access to the flying sims because he "needed to be prepared in any scenario". She let him, but then she also started making him do oddball scenarios for "just in case". And trust me, nothing is as terrifying and funny like Joker flying a ship and getting perfect marks while completely naked."

Even though Garrus didn't have a drink, he looked about ready to spit one out. His eyes darted back and forth from the passed out drunkard on her bed to Anya. "He did that?"

"Yeah. Any dare mom threw at him, he did every single one. He and my mom were always just trying to one up each other, but neither of them would ever fucking budge. I don't think I ever laughed so much in my life, seeing them prank and push each other to the edge. But he did convince me to join the Alliance, so what do I know, he's clearly more than just a good laugh."

"What did convince you? I don't think I ever knew you didn't want to be a soldier."

Anya shrugged, knowing this was weird waters of her past. "I don't exactly advertise it, not when I ended up the first human Spectre. Don't think people would love knowing it wasn't my childhood dream. I just wanted something different. I didn't know what, but I think I just didn't want to be my mom. I think seeing someone like Joker still excel in the Alliance made me think that maybe there was a place for me. I mean, hell, guy wanted to pilot while drunk and they still loved him."

Garrus pressed his talon to his temple and chuckled under his breath. He could barely believe it, she could tell, but she didn't blame him. Sometimes she could barely believe her academy days with Joker, either. But then his bright blue eyes flicked up and her whole body was frozen still under his gaze. "It's nice to hear you have history. And not just military history." Then his arm extended towards her and she knew she was holding her breath, which she shouldn't, but he just poked the soft flesh of her wrist. "I told you that you were just a squishy human."

"Oh, and you aren't squishy? You practically begged to help me talk out my feelings."

"You're definitely squishier."

Anya was more than ready to play the verbal sparring game with him; honestly, it was nice. She hadn't done much... fun in awhile. With a smirk and proper snark, Anya countered, "I don't know. When you get uppity about temperatures..."

"That's a biological thing. What about you and that childhood cat you talk about? You get all wistful."

"Crackers was a very special boy, but at least he was a living being. I've definitely caught you sleeping with your sniper rifle, and you got pretty upset when it got a scratch a month ago."

Garrus cut his eyes, and looked ready to start throwing some real shots at her. Anya leaned into her knees and was ready. This fight was on. "You cried last movie night."

Okay, she didn't expect that one, and got aftershock emotion thinking of Saving Private Ryan. But she kept it together and gave a weak ass rebuttal. "No I did not!"

"So that tear I saw was what? Space rain?"

Anya was grasping for straws. "It was a very dramatic, emotional final scene. You probably were so caught up in it that you imagined me crying, because that would be an acceptable response. If I did cry, which I didn't."

"Now you're just lying to me."

"It's pretty squishy of you to be getting so bothered by if I cried during a movie or not."

Garrus glared at her, looking like he wasn't sure if he wanted to continue. Anya was pretty sure she just gave the most annoying, pre-teen answer she ever could. But was it annoying enough to get him to back off before she managed to get even more annoying? Finally, Garrus said, "You're impossible."

Anya didn't mean to smile so wide at him, which only seemed to annoy him more.

After all that, she tried to soothe his ego a little and nudged his shoulder with hers. "Only because every dumb thing I do with you turns me into a shameless goofball. I still can't believe I danced with you."

The genuine smile on his face was not what she expected. "Yeah. That was nicer than I expected."

It was a little too nice. She felt her insides warming up, and her heart pumping a little fast, thinking of how close they were, and even how close they were a few minutes ago, before Joker came in. Maybe they were about to-

Nope, Anya had to diffuse that train of thought and fast. She jeered, "Well, you thought it was a sex ritual, so-"

"Will you ever let that go?" Garrus crossed his arms. Good. Back to best friend banter, as things should be.

"Never."

There was a long pause after that. They sat right next to each other and the air got still again, like there was something charging up. It started to make Anya's skin itch. But then Garrus leaned back into the couch and asked her, like it was simple, "So, how are you feeling?"

She stared into her hands and tried honesty. "Still a little raw. It's going to take awhile for it not to hurt so much. But it's better. You helped make it better."

"I'm happy I could."

That's when she looked up at him, trying to be her white knight of emotional trauma. Sure, she was a fucking mess, but he had scars, too. And she wasn't just going to let him lean back there and bottle anything up, either. She put her hand on his knee and tried to show him how serious she was. "Are you doing okay? Sure, I'm the Commander, but Ash was your teammate, too. And I did make some tough calls."

He almost looked like he was about to crack a joke, but then he sighed and leaned forward, closer to her. Garrus said, "As fine as one can be before a war. I wasn't close to Ash, because she was kinda squeamish about the whole turian thing, but she was getting better at the end. It would've been nice to get to know her. It does make me feel like I need to do more to help the galaxy, now that Saren's gone. I need to be more than just a rogue C-Sec officer." With them both leaning on their knees, he turned his face and they locked eyes. He looked so vulnerable and honest, things she admired so much in him. At least, because that's how he was with her. "Thanks for asking, Shepard."

So the least she could do was keep herself honest for him, too, when it came to the important stuff. Anya smiled at him and said, "If you're willing to carry my emotional baggage, I can be here for yours."

She didn't mean to do this, but again they were close, and again she remembered that maybe he could be something more than a friend. And they weren't leaning in or anything, but looking at his face in her room, just being there for each other? It just meant so much. She didn't want having him by her side to ever end, friendship or not.

But just as she was about to say something dumb and sentimental, Joker sat up and walked over to her bathroom and started puking. The mood, whatever it was, was definitely killed. With a grimace, they both stood up and Anya said, "I should probably take care of that."

"And I'd probably just get in the way. Call it a night?"

"Calling it. But it was a good one." Then they heard another gag and stream of vomit into her toilet. Patting Garrus' shoulder, Anya couldn't say out loud how much she didn't want him to leave. If she didn't know any better, he was looking at her a little lingering, too. But maybe he was just concerned about how'd she do, post funeral and taking care of Joker. So she reassured him, "I can take care of us and I'll be okay. It's practically muscle memory at this point."

He laughed while he walked out of her door. "Alright. Goodnight, Shepard."

"Goodnight, Garrus."

From the bathroom, Joker yelled, "Night, Garrus!"

"Night, Joker." In the doorway, they looked at each other, and Anya almost wanted to say it. Just ask him to come back in, give him a datapad game to play, they could spend more time together once Joker would stop puking. Anything. She just wanted him to stay. But instead, Garrus gave her a flimsy salute and said, "See you tomorrow."

And she let the door shut behind him.

Anya walked back into her bathroom and took Joker's hat off so it wouldn't fall into any of his alcohol overdose. While it was nowhere near poisoning, Joker clearly drank more than he should. She sat down next to him and waited on standby for any emergencies. In a moment of clarity, he turned his face to look at her, all groggy. "You and Garrus a thing?" Before she could set him straight, he started laughing and shook his own head. "What would you guys do with all those ass sticks? That's too many sticks, Anya. Also you bruise easy and he's a walking hawk dinosaur. Nah, that'd be silly."

Right. It would be silly.

Interspecies awkwardness, or something.

That didn't stop her from thinking about how every time she was with him, things felt right.

She grabbed a water bottle from under the sink (preparation for this eventuality) and handed it to him. "Drink up. We don't need our pilot hungover."

"I could do it."

"I know you could. But I still prefer you sober."

"Fair enough."

And so she helped her pilot get his shit together, because it was the least she could do when she was still struggling to figure out hers.

///

Just a heads up, I’m only posting every day to catch up to where I’m currently at in the AO3 version of this story (which went through an intermission and is 6 chapters into ME 2 already) 

Hyped that you guys seem to enjoy! 

Thanks so much for reading, and double thanks to my lovely patrons:

Danyell Jones

Amy Connolly

If you'd like to support the story, please go check out my bio for more info :) (Hint: patreon.com/gracejordan)

Also I tweet funny things sometimes: @Steph_Marceau 

#Shakarian #Drunk Punch Love #femshep x garrus #garrus vakarian #Anya Shepard #Ashley Williams funeral #Joker #Joker Shepard friendship #hurt #comfort #stay #best friends

[dgcatanisiri]

Got asked about BioWare fandom and prime numbers... (Also a specific request for Mass Effect on #1)

1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?*

Aside from any crackship... I don’t think any of them is quite at the level of ‘don’t get.’ I don’t care for certain relationships, but I generally can understand what would make someone ship them. It helps that, with the variety of romance options, I can at least get where they come from. Hell, as much as I hate the pairing, I understand where Anders/Fenris emerged from. I firmly believe it has a less than zero chance of being anything more than a hateful unhealthy abusive shitshow, but I understand where it comes from.

I think the closest to ‘not get’ I have is Ryder/Cora, which is really just out of the fact that, despite her being a romance option in the game, I really seriously genuinely feel that she should not have been one, that not only would her characterization be tightened by this no longer being on the table, it would allow her to be more of a rival/antagonistic element to Ryder’s decisions, by not having her developing feelings for Ryder while also not seeming to care for them. Though I’m not sure Ryder/Cora counts as a fandom OTP, since the overall impression I’ve gotten of her as far as fandom cares is a resounding ‘meh’...

Maybe I’d throw in Dorian/Cullen here, but I think what I don’t “get” in this is that people will ship this, but when I express a desire for Male Inquisitor/Cullen, I’m ‘changing his sexuality’ and that makes me ‘just as bad’ as anyone who’d change Dorian to be romanceable by a woman... Yeah, let’s not even go there.

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?*

Warden/Morrigan. I just really see Morrigan needing the Warden as a friend more than a lover. At least considering that I’m over here playing male Wardens (because I stand by Morrigan being a bisexual woman and it is bullshit that she’s not a romance option for female Wardens). I think Morrigan is in a place where she needs, first and foremost, someone who wants nothing from her but her friendship and companionship, things she’s never been asked to offer before. Sex, sure, she’d use that as a weapon. But to offer her someone who she can be vulnerable with, who doesn’t want to use her at all... That’s new territory for her. The Morrigan/Warden friendship is a greatly unappreciated dynamic.

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

Not that I can recall. I generally won’t follow someone unless either we share the big ones or they show that they’re respectful of those who disagree.

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?*

Not really in the BioWare fandom. As a general rule of thumb, I try and cultivate my experience to enhance my love, not have it undermined. 

Though (dis)honorable mention to the Shakarian fandom - I’m a male Shepard player through and through (since, y’know, gay guy, rare chance to play a M/M relationship in video games), but it’s like some of them are TRYING to make people hate the ship, given the way that they’ll push Shakarian to the center of the stage and tear down Kaidan. These are also usually the people who hardcore push this belief that female Shepard and Jennifer Hale are empirically ‘superior’ in every way, too, so they can bite me twice over.

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?*

I think the closest that counts is Dorian, in that I wasn’t thrilled or wowed by his romance in Inquisition, but would probably have given it another go, if not for Trespasser having him declare the relationship would be long-distance, no discussion allowed. After that, the luster wore off of the character for me, and I really can’t stand him, don’t WANT to see him have the cameo that they shot his romance in the foot to set up.

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

I’m going to stick Kaidan in this category - when BioWare themselves is misspelling his name on their official merchandise, I’m pretty sure that counts. Though, as my tag for her indicates, this is an Ashley Williams appreciation blog, and the fandom hates her too...

As for the why... Kaidan is the trilogy character most like me, which is what always draws me in to a romance - let me romance this idealized version of myself with the dashing hero, give me that confidence boost that there’s someone out there who I’d be attracted to who would return those feelings. And Ashley, legitimately, is hated for bullshit reasoning that I will have no part of. She’s fun, badass, and literally doesn’t deserve the hate she gets - if these people who are pissed about her MAYBE killing Wrex REALLY cared about him, they’d do his damn quest and recover his grandfather’s armor.

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

I don’t like Dorian. I think he’s a shallow character with limited (if any) development in Inquisition, who is raised on a pedestal because of the novelty of a gay character of prominence in a media generally devoid of them entirely, as well as a vocal performance that gives him more personality than his writing offered. And his story is a paint by the numbers story I’ve seen a dozen times over that brought nothing worthwhile to the table that hadn’t been brought before, and it only exists to do the emotional lifting to make the audience feel bad for Dorian, rather than genuinely attempting to make the audience care. AND that he’s there first and foremost for the straight female audience to have a ‘pet gay best friend,’ with no care or concern for the gay audience.

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

How long have you got? Kaidan in ME1, Alistair, and Cullen as bisexual romances (in Cullen’s case, for all Inquisitors, so I don’t have to give up my Adaars) are the big ones, but I’ve got a list a mile long of things that if I had the power, you BET would have happened.

Though, at the moment, Andromeda DLC is right around the top of the list too...

19. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

Lordie... The utter toxicity. You have to do, say, and choose JUST RIGHT or face a million people coming for your head. And, of course, that ‘just right’ position is impossible to attain. There will always be SOMEONE who doesn’t like what you do in your games and will want to rip you a new one for it.

23. Unpopular character you love?

Kinda the same question as #11, but I’ll give a different answer anyway - Gil is unpopular for understandable reasons. It’s clear his story wasn’t a priority for his writer, and it’s a mess of homophobic elements that consulting actual gay people could have prevented. Still, as a character, I love him. He deserved better than he got, especially when the patches did nothing for him and the cutting of any DLC for Andromeda prevent any kind of authorial saving throw, but I will love him all the same. 

And try and fix a lot of these problems through fic.

#dg replies #dg does a meme #leia connor vas serenity #kyogre-blue

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

zofia shepard v. social media

an epistolary in tweets, or whatever the 22nd century space-future equivalent of twitter is. I would have invented one wholecloth but I had enough trouble inventing, like, 4 randos that Zofia interacts with on space-future twitter. 

I promise it gets more interesting than it looks above the cut.

Commander Shepard @.n7shepard Command of the SSV Normandy, a joint human-turian construction, granted to Alliance N7 Zofia Shepard to investigate attack on Eden Prime. 25 Feb 2183, 15:12

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard The Citadel Council has appointed its first human Spectre: Commander Zofia Marya Shepard, from the colony Mindoir. 4 March 2183, 14:30

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard SSV Normandy attacked and destroyed by unknown assailant over the planet Alchera, system Amada, Omega Nebula. More news to come. 12 Sept 2183, 17:53

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard Search for survivors of the SSV Normandy continues. Numerous crew MIA including Commander Shepard. 12 Sept 2183, 19:42

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard The loss of a legend: [a link to a news article detailing those still missing from the SSV Normandy's destruction, including Commander Zofia Marya Shepard; the exact site where most of the ship's debris have landed remains unknown] 15 Sept 2183, 13:23

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard Information about memorial services for the SSV Normandy crew and Commander Shepard to come. 24 Sept 2183, 14:45

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard A Memorial Flame for Commander Shepard has been erected on Torfan. 15 November 2183, 16:29

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard retweeted Mindoir Colony Council @.mindoircolony The Systems Alliance has approved our request to use Commander Zofia Shepard's likeness on our new colony seal. [a picture of the new seal: in the outer circle Mindoir and its date of founding are written, while within it depicts an image of Commander Zofia Shepard that has removed the scars on her face and corrected her overbite but at least leaves her distinct nose.] 9 May 2184, 12:25

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard It has been one year since the SSV Normandy destruction. Here is what the Alliance and the Council has discovered since then: [a link containing an article that mentions Saren and the geth but not the Reapers] 12 Sept 2184, 15:09

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard Today marks two years since the loss of humanity's first Spectre. A memorial ceremony is planned at the Alliance Embassy on the Citadel. 12 Sept 2185, 13:41 [a number of comments in this thread contain information about protests planned for the memorial, both by other Citadel races against Shepard's actions in the attack on the Council, and by humans who think the Alliance is covering up information about Shepard's death]

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard sup bithces 28 Nov 2185, 03:23 | The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard fuck i cant spell 28 Nov 2185, 03:24

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard why did no one change the password for this account in 2 years. oh well. changed now. mine now. 28 Nov 2185, 23:17 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard my city now 28 Nov 2185, 23:20

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard paws off, udina, alliance, all of you. don’t use my name to peddle your lies

The First Human Spectre @.n7shepard It has been one year since the SSV Normandy destruction. Here is what the Alliance and the Council has discovered since then: [a link containing an article that mentions Saren and the geth but not the Reapers]

29 Nov 2185, 01:09

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard how much did mr&mrs Man hate their son to name him first name The middle name Illusive 2 Dec 2185, 23:45

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard SUP BITHCES [a slightly blurry selfie of a blue-gray turian with blue facial markings and bandages covering the right half of his face, and a human who strongly resembles Commander Shepard, though with a number of deep scars marring her left cheek in place of the single white scar that lined that side of her face] 5 Dec 2185, 08:28

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard confession: i forgot that afterlife is the name of a club on omega so when i landed 1/ 5 Dec 2185, 10:34 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard and was told to go to afterlife i misheard, go to THE afterlife 2/ 5 Dec 2185, 10:36 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard and got really angry thinking they were threatening me 3/3 5 Dec 2185, 10:37 | Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt @.n7shepard I was wondering why you acted like that. That is not the explanation I expected. 5 Dec 2185, 12:54 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard you're the worst 5 Dec 2185, 13:20 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard actually i'm sorry i take that back M is the worst 5 Dec 2185, 13:22 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard i take that back. mr man is the worst 5 Dec 2185, 14:01 | Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt You know that's not his name, right? 5 Dec 2185, 14:40 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard i dont know a thing my guy 5 Dec 2185, 14:42

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard retweeted i live in hell @.shitpostingsalarian I want Archangel to snipe me in the head, killing me instantly. 6 Dec 2185, 01:39

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard retweeted i live in hell @.shitpostingsalarian Why did the official Commander Shepard account retweet me I'm literally nobody. 7 Dec 2185, 13:52

i live in hell @.shitpostingsalarian @.n7shepard Are you really Commander Shepard alive again? 7 Dec 2185, 18:47 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard yeah 7 Dec 2185, 19:12 | i live in hell @.shitpostingsalarian Can I ask why you seem to be spending so much time on twitter? It seems like you are someone with more important things to do. 7 Dec 2185, 19:18 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard yea sometims but nostly its wishing i was importnat like ppl think 7 Dec 2185, 19:23 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard sodry im dnrky 7 Dec 2185, 19:25 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard drunk 7 Dec 2185, 19:26 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard playfn jenga w archalgnl n take a shot evryw time u fuck up 7 Dec 2185, 19:28 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard im rly bad at jenga 7 Dec 2185, 19:32 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard oh gosh i am so sorry for all of that 8 Dec 2185, 07:21

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard retweeted Systems Alliance @.systemsalliance Commander Shepard: back from the dead, or an imposter on twitter defacing her name and legacy? [a link to an article speculating on the rumors and supposed sightings of Commander Zofia Shepard and on the erratic twitter usage from her verified account that the Alliance is having difficulties tracing or shutting down] 8 Dec 2185, 15:01

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard @.counciloranderson i'm sorry for publicly embarrassing myself 8 Dec 2185, 15:36 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard @.counciloranderson you raised me better than this 8 Dec 2185, 15:37 | fuck cerberus @ n7shepard @.ambassadorudina i stand by embarrassing you. fuck you. 8 Dec 2185, 15:40

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard retweeted i live in hell @.shitpostingsalarian So I guess I kind of got drunk texted my Commander Shepard last night. 8 Dec 2185, 15:51

i live in hell @.shitpostingsalarian @.n7shepard What are we? Are you into women? Salarians? 8 Dec 2185, 16:20 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard yes and i'm sure i could be but i'll admit to not having known v. many salarians 8 Dec 2185 17:30 | i live in hell @.shitpostingsalarian I should probably say now I'm flattered but my heart belongs to Archangel. 9 Dec 2185, 01:27 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard girl same 9 Dec 2185, 03:19

Normandy's Best Jokes @.bestdamnpilot @.n7shepard Soooo does ““Archangel”” know about the depth of your feelings?9 Dec 2185, 06:13 | Normandy's Best Jokes @.bestdamnpilot @.n7shepard You counting on him not having a Twitter to keep him from finding out? 9 Dec 2185, 06:15 | Normandy's Best Jokes @.bestdamnpilot @.n7shepard I'm gonna tell him. 9 Dec 2185, 06:21 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard i don't have feelings and i am on my way to the cockpit to kick your ass 9 Dec 2185, 06:23

Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt @.n7shepard M politely requests that you cut it out. 11 Dec 2185, 18:02 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard tell her to say it to my face 11 Dec 2185, 20:37

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard does anyone know how to keep pet fish alive. asking for a friend 17 Dec 2185, 22:31 [a very small sampling of replies to this tweet follow]

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard does anyone know how to keep pet fish alive. asking for a friend 17 Dec 2185, 22:31 | humans r gross @.bangboomboom put them in water 17 Dec 2185, 23:24

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard does anyone know how to keep pet fish alive. asking for a friend 17 Dec 2185, 22:31 | earth is great @.humansearth1st EDEN PRIME WAS A COVER UP THE ALLIANCE HAS SOLD US OUT TO THE COUNCIL 17 Dec 2185, 22:34

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard does anyone know how to keep pet fish alive. asking for a friend 17 Dec 2185, 22:31 | Matron of Fish @.illiumveterinary It depends on what kind they are. [a link to an article detailing life spans, tank dimensions, and feeding habits for a number of commonly-purchased souvenir fish] 18 Dec 2185, 10:13

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard first person saying disrespectful shit about horizon in my mentions, i'm. actually just fucking don't. 28 Dec 2185, 23:43

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard @.counciloranderson are you getting any of my emails i'm not sure it's going thru 29 Dec 2185, 03:51

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard anyone else ever told their best friend he's stupid but it's actually you who's stupid 02 Jan 2186, 03:31 | fuck cerberus @.n7shepard one of my best friends. ex one of my best friends 02 Jan 2186, 03:50

urdnot wrex @.urdnotwrex shepard why do you want me to have this what do i do 05 Jan 2186, 15:19 | thresher maw hell @.n7shepard @ me, buddy 05 Jan 2186, 17:29

urdnot wrex @.urdnotwrex @.n7shepard 05 Jan 2186, 18:20 | thresher maw hell @.n7shepard you can use 'reply' too 05 Jan 2186, 18:29 | urdnot wrex @.urdnotwrex why do you want me to do this 05 Jan 2186, 18:46 | thresher maw hell @.n7shepard i dunno it can be kinda fun sometimes 05 Jan 2186, 18:50

fuck cerberus @.n7shepard does anyone know how to keep pet fish alive. asking for a friend 17 Dec 2185, 22:31 | urdnot wrex @.urdnotwrex don't. eat them. 7 Jan 2186, 04:51

Liara @.drtsoni @.n7shepard Fine. Are you happy? 11 Jan 2185, 11:46 | murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard super happy 12 Jan 2185, 02:19

murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard LOOK AT HIM [a picture of a space hamster, blurry, with flare off the glass of its tank] 14 Jan 2185, 04:14

murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard @.pontifex what is the church's stance on human/alien relationships 20 Jan 2185, 23:10

Citadel Ambassador @.ambassadorudina @.n7shepard You are an embarrassment to humanity. This is one of many reasons why your Spectre status was revoked. 21 Jan 2185, 09:35 | murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard don't be jealous because you can't get laid 21 Jan 2185, 11:52 | Human Councilor @.counciloranderson @.n7shepard @.ambassadorudina You are both adults. Keep it private if you have to fight. 21 Jan 2185, 12:14

Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt @.n7shepard Could you maybe keep a diary instead of throwing it all into public? Maybe? 24 Jan 2185, 11:36 | murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard you cerb shits would read it anyway and at least throwing it in public gives udina conniptions 24 Jan 2185, 12:09

murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard @.lazaruslt can we install an automated fish feeding thing 29 Jan 2185, 04:48 | Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt No. 29 Jan 2185, 5:04

murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard @.pontifex

murder is bad, kids @.n7shepard @.pontifex what is the church's stance on human/alien relationships

04 Feb 2185, 09:13

Garrus Vakarian @.gvakarian @.pontifex I apologize on behalf of @.n7shepard 4 Feb 2185, 15:52 | screaming @.n7shepard hOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON TWITTER 4 Feb 2185, 15:53 | Garrus Vakarian @.gvakarian Four years. 4 Feb 2185, 16:02 | screaming @.n7shepard FUCK 4 Feb 2185, 16:05 | Garrus Vakarian @.gvakarian I never used it so it’s not surprising you forgot. 4 Feb 2185, 16:07 | screaming @.n7shepard i almost forgot my own name my guy but that's nice of you to give me another excuse 4 Feb 2185, 16:12 | screaming @.n7shepard bUT WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME 4 Feb 2185, 16:13 | screaming @.n7shepard WHY DID YOU LET ME EMBARRASS MYSELF TALKING ABOUT YOU 4 Feb 2185, 16:14 | Garrus Vakarian @.gvakarian It's the closest I've ever gotten to insight about your feelings on anything. 4 Feb 2185, 16:16 | screaming @.n7shepard i don't have feelings and i'm never coming out of this room again 4 Feb 2185, 16:19 | screaming @.n7shepard i'm locking the door and shooting out the controls 4 Feb 2185, 16:21 | Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt Please do not break the ship because you finally learned how to feel shame. 4 Feb 2185, 16:34 | Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt M tells me to tell you we are in her office doing a dramatic reading of your tweets. 4 Feb 2185, 16:37 | screaming @.n7shepard i want to be mad but i'm just surprised she has a sense of humor 4 Feb 2185, 16:41

screaming @.n7shepard @.gvakarian i can't ever look you in the eyes again 4 Feb 2185, 16:43 | Liara @.drtsoni I think you've always been too short to look him in the eye. 4 Feb 2185, 16:52 | screaming @.n7shepard how can you do this to me 4 Feb 2185, 16:57 | Liara @.drtsoni I mean, I'm too short too. 4 Feb 2185, 17:12

urdnot wrex @.urdnotwrex all the beings in the galaxy and you pick not just a turian but THAT turian 5 Feb 2185, 03:55 | Garrus Vakarian @.gvakarian Thanks. 5 Feb 2185, 04:16 | screaming @.n7shepard with you out there cloistered on tuchanka i couldn't go for first best being in the galaxy <3 5 Feb 2185, 04:20 | Garrus Vakarian @.gvakarian Oh, thanks, I see how it is. 5 Feb 2185, 04:26 | urdnot wrex @.urdnotwrex what is less than 3 5 Feb 2185, 04:31 | screaming @.n7shepard your ranking in my heart 5 Feb 2185, 04:35 | Lazarus Cell Lieutenant @.lazaruslt Might as well stop trying to compete with this bromance now @.gvakarian 5 Feb 2185, 04:44 | Garrus Vakarian @.gvakarian I always knew I never could. 5 Feb 2185, 04:49

The Commander is the Real Joke @.bestdamnpilot @.gvakarian @.n7shepard holy shit, this is all the funniest thing I've read in years. 5 Feb 2185, 09:16 | screaming @.n7shepard i hope this mission we're prepping for kills all of us 5 Feb 2185, 09:22

#i'm really sorry if this format is a bit hard to read. i know it's kind of cluttered. #RIP #i put the . after the @ so that it didn't notify random usernames on tumblr lmao #also i can tell you what the exact missions i was thinking of where zofia changes her handle to 'thresher maw' and then 'murder' #the bit about horizon felt kind of off-tone but i did want to include it bc that mission fucks zofia up a lot #the concept of her tweeting at the pope to ask about human/alien relationships is an image that's been in my head for months #also if you couldn't figure 'lazarus Lt' is jacob #and M is miranda who does not have a twitter because she doesn't want to know this shit #trash kid writing #zofia shepard #well i guess this is an oc tag #otp tag for zofia and garrus to come #ALSO the bisexual shitposting salarian from omega is definitely gonna get turned into a full OC i had too much fun writing that sequence #that's why it went on so long lmao

[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Drunk Punch Love 2: Chapter 2

Pairing: FemShep and Garrus Vakarian (Shakarian)

Rating: PG-13 (with some tossed F-bombs)

Summary: Their awkward, badass journey through saving the galaxy and accidentally falling in love

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22089466/chapters/54170929

Part 2- Chapter 2: Alliance Stowaways

Before she could even adjust to being back on the Normandy with people she didn't know, and even before she could introduce herself to any of them, they were passing by a new colony hit by The Collectors, Freedom's Progress. Anya remembered duty-life was high pace and unexpected, but it kinda felt like she hadn't had time to breathe.

And the entire thing was overwhelmed by waves of emotion, because not only did they find a derelict colony, but they found Tali, too. Her Tali, engineering extraordinaire, cute laugh, and all. She was a leader, now. Watching her felt surreal, seeing the awkward wingwoman of Ash Williams so sure of herself now. They pushed down opposite sides of the pavilion, but all Anya wanted to do was fight by her side again.

But that wasn't her place anymore. It was Tali's team.

When they shot down the last bots and got to the one survivor, Veetor, he was a mess. They did some quick questioning, but it wasn't long before the guy just needed a blanket around his shoulders and to get cared for back home. Tali's people were walking him back to their ship and Anya felt so desperate to not let her go. Not again.

Being an emotional wimp about asking people to stay was part of her charm, though. And how could she ask Tali to give up being a leader just to be on her ship again? That'd be selfish. So she hugged her, told her to keep in touch, and made a few jokes about coming back from the dead.

Then, she watched Tali walk away from her.

She understood how important it was for Tali to continue supporting the Flotilla and getting Veetor home. But also her chest deflated as one more reminder of who she really was floated away.

Walking down the halls of the Normandy, wondering when they'd get to the Citadel so she could get some proper sweats instead of these ridiculous Cerberus slacks, it all was just too much. Too-friendly Jacob had barely let her breathe post-mission before he was taking her on this tour of her own ship.

It made sense why he was doing it, there were a lot of changes to Joker's beautiful baby. At the same time, though, she could feel wisps of memories in every corridor. Pressley used to give her bad jokes and every opinion he'd ever had on the command deck. She met Kaidan in the cockpit, where now it was just Joker and some AI named EDI bickering. Tali's engine room station was replaced by two funny engineers named Gabby and Donnely, but the way they played off each other was a little overwhelming for her jumbled brain.

And when they passed the battery, and he told her this was where the ships' gun calibrations were, she knew this was where Garrus would've belonged. But he didn't, because this wasn't quite her Normandy, and he wasn't here. The turian that got her through Saren was MIA. Maybe even-

Anya couldn't think about that or everything felt even more hazy.

Things brightened up, though, when Jacob walked her into the med-bay. Much to her surprise, the doc wasn't a stranger. She was an old friend. Prim, silver-haired, and beautiful as ever.

Much faster than she could get a word out, Anya pulled Dr. Chakwas into her arms. She said, "Good to see a friendly face."

"I'm sure, Shepard." When she pulled back, Chakwas touched her cheek. Part of it was affection, but the doctor also had her intense "medic" glare on. "Cerberus still hasn't erased the scars they left on you."

Her fingers waved away the woman's hand and brushed her own cheek; it was sensitive, but not painfully so. "Yeah, well, I'm no stranger to scars. Adds character."

Chakwas laughed at her. "Like you need any more character." A million moments and memories seemed to pass between them, half with Shepard in sweats swearing about some stitches. While she didn't mind scars, stitches always made her skin itch.

But that wasn't important. What was important was that she sniped another top-tier Alliance officer just by coming back from the dead. "How'd you end up here? I never thought-"

"I'd leave the Alliance? I haven't quite. You wrack up a lot of shore leave by my age. And when I heard there was going to be another ship captained by Commander Shepard, I had to join."

Jacob coughed into his hand and stood up straight, giving Anya an apologetic look. Considering he was interrupting Chakwas, it wasn't nearly apologetic enough. At her glare, he looked a little unsettled. "Hate to break up the reunion, but we still have a lot to see."

"Fine." Crossing her arms over her chest, Anya gave Chakwas a serious look. "I'm coming back later for you. You, Joker, and I are having dinner."

"I wouldn't miss it."

Following Jacob out of the med bay, she kinda wished she could karate chop his head off. It was like she got a new Alliance lackey without as many Chain of Command perks. And at least Alliance soldiers looked at her like a living legend; Jacob looked at her like a cash prize Cerberus won after some high stakes gambling. She was pretty sure she hated that more than the heroic evangelizing.

Anya also didn't enjoy being stuck in an elevator with him and, with four floors on the Normandy SR-2, it had happened way too much in one day. The dude radiated an uncomfortable amount of self-confidence and heat. She wasn't sure yet if any of it was justified.

Lucky for her, when the door opened he gestured for her to walk onto their final floor: the captain's quarters. Anya entered her room and was barely listening to him, marvelling at it. There was a great desk spot, shelves, a huge bed, a couch that looked even nicer than her Alliance one. If she ever did movie night-

Before she could stop herself, Anya winced. Once she stood in the center of the room, Jacob said, "And this is where you'll stay, concluding our tour."

She was a little cranky about that. Anya definitely could've talked a few more minutes with Chakwas and shown herself this room. But Jacob just kept talking. "Since we're not military, things can be a little more luxurious than the typical Alliance ship. Keeps the people happy."

"Wild to think this is mine." She pressed her fingers to the glass of the empty fish tank. Guess Cerberus wanted her to upgrade from her plants on the Normandy. Feeling a pang of nostalgia in her heart, Anya remembered how much she loved waking up to her succulents and ivy. She'd have to get some more since hers got blown out into space.

That thought didn't make her feel so good, either.

"Best Commander in the galaxy deserves it." Anya nearly vomited. She wasn't great with the overblown compliments, but she hated it even more coming from a soldier subordinate. Gave her too many memories of regretted conversations with one Kaidan Alenko.

Jacob didn't seem to catch her distaste, though, and continued gushing like a proper fanboy. If only he knew how much she hated it. "Just wanted to say, it's an honor serving under you. I expected the best, but being in a fight with you.. It's something else."

Yep, this was three steps too close to Alenko territory. Remembering what happened the last time someone talked like that and got her alone in her quarters, Anya got a little overwhelmed by the panic in her gut. It was seething, begging for things to be less complicated this time. She was a soldier first, not her teammate's fantisized sex dream.

Shepard blurted, "I have a hard rule against intimate relationships with my subordinates."

Turning towards her, Jacob peered. If anything he seemed surprised. Shit. He was just being a fanboy, not the Alenko kind, wasn't he? With an uncomfortable nod, he said, "O-kay. Duly noted." He walked past her, careful not to touch her at all. "If you need anything, Miranda's just a deck below and I'm by command."

Then, he was gone.

Of all her years as a commander, she did a great job being everyone's friend. At some points she almost convinced herself she was charismatic. But the second a topic made her uncomfortable? Anya clammed up.

That was normal enough in the early days, but since her last mission she panicked about someone having the hots for her, becoming even more of a bumbling idiot.

Liara, Kaidan, and Garrus broke her, didn't they?

Deciding she was over thinking about the romance politics on the old Normandy, Anya went over the dossiers The Illusive Man gave her. He recommended first to pick up a Salarian scientist on Omega, one who might be able to synthesize against the Collector nerve bugs. Past that, there was an old, seasoned merc named Zaeed that Cerberus bought out, some merc-killer named Archangel, the Krogan Warlord Okeer, a high-stakes thief named Kasumi, and some super-biotic, Jack, on a prison ship.

Cerberus' picks of team members were definitely a bit more... colorful than hers ever were. The shadiest person she worked with was Wrex, and that one was currently trying to create a unified Tuchanka. Wasn't exactly the same as a straight up war criminal.

Considering the calibre of people The Illusive Man wanted her to get, brilliant but dangerous, Shepard thought it best to read over the whole files. All it took was a glance over Jack's file to realize she was a girl, and that would've been a dumb, unecessary false assumption. Also, Zaeed had beef with the Blue Suns and Okeer was working with them, so that might cause some conflict she had to be aware of.

But just as she was opening Kasumi's file, arguably the tamest of the bunch, her omni-tool pinged. It was Joker. The guy preferred audio files because texting put too much pressure on his bones sometimes, so she turned up her volume. "You wanted dinner? Get your ass down here."

Anya ran her hands through her hair. Typical. Of course she would forget a dinner she planned herself. Literally only twenty four hours back with Joker and he already had something to give her shit about.

She was doing a great job turning over a new leaf in her second chance at life.

Trying to act casual, Anya quickly brushed her messy as hell hair and used the elevator to get to the crew dec. When she got there, Joker and Chakwas were leaning back in their chairs, like parents who caught their kid sneaking in late. They even had a pizza in between them.

Joker smirked and gave her the snark she expected. "We were waiting here for half an hour before we realized your dumb ass got all workaholic on us already."

"There's a lot to catch up on, Sue me." Shepard sat down and put a slice of pizza in her mouth. Classic cheese and garlic. She gave Chakwas a thumbs up for her cooking prowess. Sure, it was probably a frozen pizza, but Chakwas' always tasted better than anyone else's. In between bites she said, "Thanks."

"You're welcome, Shepard."

After she wolfed down half a slice, she asked, "While I eat like an animal, is there anything big in the Alliance I missed?"

Joker started. "Without your backing, Udina took over the council seat. Granted, I think Anderson was relieved."

She shrugged. That was what happened when you chose a seasoned, bad luck soldier to make your political decisions. Anya always figured Anderson would quit the job eventually. "Figures."

Chakwas looked a lot more hesitant with her comment, but she still did it with a smile. "I did a mission stint on the SS Marakov. Can report you're an easier Shepard to have a meal with."

Joker added, "I also spent some time with Oksana. She's buried herself in work. They left for a deep space recon mission a few months ago. No clue when they'll get back."

Anya kept chewing, trying to wrap her head around everything they were saying. The doctor's eyes were soft and sympathetic as she said, "To be quite honest, other than losing you... Not too much has changed. Although, the space you left was very real " Chakwas placed her hand of hers and it was so tender that Anya swallowed down the last of the pizza in her mouth. Everything was a wild mess, after dying, but it was so comforting to know people had her back.

And then Joker somehow ruined and enhanced the wholesome moment all at the same time. "To be really quite damn honest, it never felt real. I always felt like you should be showing up any moment to kick my ass for doing something dumb."

Before she could tell them how much their words meant to her, Miranda was over the intercoms. "We've made it to Omega, Shepard. Meet me in the briefing room."

Anya grumbled. "Dammit, I only got one slice of pizza." She shoved another one in her mouth and basically swallowed it whole. It was better than no pizza.

Chakwas just kinda stared at her in awe. Joker, on the other hand, said, "Fuck. Well, I guess I'll give this to you now."

He handed over a box and, while Shepard inhaled another pizza slice, she opened it. Inside was a pair of classic, cozy Citadel sweats. With a gulp, she beamed at Joker. "Thank-"

"Nope. There's another thing."

Pulling the sweats out, underneath was a set of ballet flats. Joker had seen her practice a few times when they were roommates, but she never knew he understood how much it meant to her. She couldn't smile wide enough for that one. Putting the sweats back on top of the shoes, Anya said, "Thank you. But you tell anyone what's in here, you die "

With his annoying smirk, he started to walk towards the elevator. "I know."

Her eyes flicked back to Chakwas and she grimaced. "Sorry I couldn't have a nice long dinner with you two. I'll make it up to you."

"I know you will."

Shepard saluted and then, with her box, ran towards the elevator. After it dropped off Joker, it was her turn to go to her room and suit it. She said to herself, "After we pick up this Salarian scientist, I'm going to remember the sweet feeling of sweats again."

And that was enough of a beautiful, human thing to make coming back to life really worth it. After all, she needed something to be excited for, beyond saving the galaxy. Sweats and those two Alliance stowaways didn't give her back the team she lost, but for now? They were enough.

/

Awww I love the Alliance babies. And knowing what we all know about Kaidan *glares* it's nice to know that some other friends still have Shepard's back.

I normally do a “please support my writings and discord and future Twitch” bit here, but I’m tired. I’ll write one-shots for you if you are so inclined, but if not, checking out my brainstorm blogs there is neat enough. Or my other cool sites and whatnot. I just want to share my stuffs :)

Patreon: patreon.com/gracejordan

Twitter: (at)Steph_Marceau

Wattpad: user/GraceJordan13

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! And some serious double stuffed thanks to my lovely patrons:

Danyell Jones

Amy Connolly

#Drunk Punch Love #Shakarian #femshep x garrus #Garrus Vakarian #Anya Shepard #femshep #Chakwas #Alliance #Noermandy 2 #Cerberus #F*** the Illusive Man

[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Drunk Punch Love- Chapter 5

Pairing: FemShep and Garrus Vakarian (Shakarian)

Rating: PG-13 (with some tossed F-bombs)

Summary: Their awkward, badass journey through saving the galaxy and accidentally falling in love

Chapter 5: A Grave on Virmire

But not like this.

Standing on that bridge, all she could see was Akuze all over again. Swatches of blood and teeth streaked across her vision and before she knew it, all her friends were dead. It couldn't be happening again. She couldn't let it happen again.

Next to her, Tali laid a gentle hand on her arm and said, "Shepard?"

That's when Anya had to remind herself that these friends weren't dead, not yet. And she had to make a choice. A horrible choice, but making no choice would be worse. But she didn't want to make her friend a hero like this.

Ashley was protecting a bomb that would go off with or without her. Kaidan had a whole team with him, and they'd risked their lives to make sure her part of the mission was successful. Furthermore, they had intel on Saren and the Geth that could be invaluable to the war that might be coming. By the numbers, there was only one choice.

It didn't mean she didn't feel like total bullshit about it. After all her promises, and Shepard had to fail her. Taking a deep breath, Anya said, "Ash, I'm-"

"Don't sweat it, Commander. Save them. I would."

There was so much more Anya wanted to say, to apologize for, to get a proper goodbye with her friend. But then Kaidan and Kirrahe were on the other line screaming for help and she had to go, or they'd die, too.

As she started to run away from the bomb site, she yelled into her comms, "You're one of the best damn soldiers I ever met, Ashley Williams."

"Thanks, Shep."

Before she cut her own comms off, she added. "Give 'em hell." Because she didn't know what else to say.

After that, everything was so blurry. Her blood was practically boiling, shooting at Saren. He was the reason all of this was happening. He killed Nihlus. He killed Benezia. He killed Ashley. And he didn't give a damn.

Well, Anya was going to make sure that her pistol to the back of his skull would change that.

But then the coward ran off with his Geth the second he realized she was putting real dents in him. Wrex had to hold her back from trying to throw herself at their ship, but for thirty seconds, he helped her smash every collapsed Geth left on the platform. That is, until Joker showed up with the Normandy. Then Wrex and Tali dragged her towards the ship because Virmire was blowing up.

Shepard didn't mean to kick or scream when they did it. Smashing robot heads was all she had when she couldn't go back and get Ash. And being pulled onto the Normandy made it real and she didn't want that.

She always hated that her Commander's choices helped let her live while everyone else ended up dead. And now she did the same damn thing to someone who looked just like the patriotic soldier she used to be. Anya wasn't sure what that meant about who she'd become, and she definitely wasn't proud of it. But, duty called, right?

When she got in the Normandy's cockpit with everyone else, all she wanted to do was curl up on the ground and cry. But the second she glanced at her team? Wrex was destitute and looked ready to storm off, Liara was tending to Kaidan's arm wound and they were holding each other, Tali was sitting close to Joker at the front console. And Garrus? He was leaning against the wall, staring into the corner.

She got her freedom to let loose down there. Now that they could all breathe and realize what they'd lost, it was time for her to step the fuck up and be the Commander.

As the Normandy soared up into the sky, she could see the complex slowly exploding below them. And it made it harder to watch, knowing that they were seeing Ash blow up, too. Kinda ruined any real feelings of victory. But she couldn't stand letting them walk away feeling empty. Before anyone could leave, Anya spoke to her crew. "We've just lost good people down on that planet. And now we're chasing down Saren to save the galaxy. Take the little time we have to grieve, but then be ready to give 'em hell when we get there. For Ash."

People nodded around her. No one cheered or anything, but it seemed to take a weight off their shoulders. After all, with one speech she took some of their pain and made it hers. It was what a good commander did. As each of them walked past her, she patted shoulders and said as many positives as she could.

She wanted to cry, too, but she didn't have the time for it. The least she could do was alleviate their suffering and guilt.

Once everyone else walked by her, all that was left in that narrow hallway was her and Garrus. He brought his brooding next to her and said, "You don't have to keep up that face with me. I want to help you carry the burden, remember?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I have to let you."

"I know Ash meant a lot to you. You have a soft spot for headstrong soldiers who don't always do what they're told. Wonder why."

Anya laughed, but it hurt on the way down. "Can it, Vakarian."

"At least I got you to laugh."

Looking up at him, Anya could see how desperate he was to help her. But right now wasn't a time she could let him. "Honestly? If I stop focusing on Saren and actually talk about what I'm feeling, I'll start crying or screaming. And I don't know how long it'll take me to stop. So if you're really feeling like doing the emotional baggage stuff, buy me a drink after this and I'll cry for you."

"I thought we weren't doing drunk again."

Anya scoffed, remembering herself falling all over him. "I'd rather deal with being a drunken embarrassment than keeping all this bottled up inside. Losing Ash is just too... And you could say I don't need alcohol for that, but if I'm gonna be honest I don't know if I can let go without it."

"Shepard-"

"Yeah, I know. Sounds pathetic."

"No. Sounds like a lot of pain." His put his arm around her and squeezed her shoulder. It was more comfort than she'd like to admit. "You know what? If it helps, I'll risk the booze again, too."

"Now we just have to make it outta here alive."

"For a chance to know all your dirty secrets and regrets? I'll shoot Saren myself. Granted, I would do that anyway. Always was one to go for the killshot." Garrus walked off, but for the rest of the night he seemed to keep an eye out for her, while the crew had dinner and avoided the pain of losing Ash. In some ways, it was endearing. In others, exhausting.

After all, she wasn't supposed to be thinking about him too much. That was the rule here. Anya was kinda breaking it when she couldn't stop thinking about going to a quiet place and just letting him hold her so tightly that her painful thoughts might have time to shut up.

So, she almost felt relieved when she got back to her room. Sure, she was just pouring over all the intel she could and it wasn't relaxing at all, but it was better than having to be strong. The night had been long and it was just nice to be alone, frown, and do what she needed to do to be prepared for tomorrow.

The fate of the galaxy could change tomorrow. No pressure or anything.

By morning she'd be facing off with Saren on a Prothean world, Ilos, trying to stall these so-called Reapers wanting to destroy the galaxy. It all sounded like an insane nightmare cooked up as "The worst case scenario threat to happen on the first day of Spectres".

Well, Anya Shepard had all the luck, didn't she?

After an hour or two, she couldn't learn anything else from their tactical plans or the geographical readings, so she was just stuck sitting there and waiting. She probably shouldn't be, though. If anything, Anya should be getting some rest.

But hard to get some rest when you know you buried your friend a few hours ago and didn't have the time to fall the fuck apart about it. Ash was someone who deserved for Anya to lose all her shit when grieving.

She could still remember picking her up on Eden Prime, and how elastic and eager she was to join up, to stop the bad guys. Ashley had an opinionated bite to her, but she was still a soldier who wanted to do good things. Garrus was right. She reminded Anya of the person she used to be before the suicide missions started.

Only a few minutes into thinking about Ash, Anya was regretting it. Well, she didn't regret it. But she knew there was only so much thinking and pushing she could do before tonight was about Ash, not prepping herself for Saren.

And it was bullshit that she had to push thoughts of Ash away, but the state of the galaxy was bullshit right now, and so was the fact that she was hunting down a person who was supposed to help save it.

So, instead she just was staring up at her ceiling, shoving the memory of Ash's face away, trying to picture an ending where every other member of this crew was safe and everything wasn't in peril anymore.

But just as she was starting to do a damn good job at keeping the fatalism away, there was a knock at her door. Considering the lateness, Anya was a little perplexed. All of her people were supposed to be asleep.

Opening the door, the metal slid open to show a messy haired Kaidan Alenko with shaky hands. Anya didn't even know what to say. Her neurons fried and fused the second his brown eyes met hers, looking desperate. "Shepard. I- I was wondering if we could talk."

Her hands were still at her side; she could barely move a molecule. Seeing him like this came out of left field. If anyone checked on her tonight, she would've assumed it would be-

Well, maybe it was about time she stopped assuming things. She assumed she was going to be Ash's mentor, and look how that worked out.

After a moment of staring at him like she just got a shot of nerve poison, Anya nodded, her loose hair shaking around her face, trying to be less on edge. He could just be here as a friend, right? Maybe he just needed a pep talk. "Yeah, sure. Come in."

Kaidan walked past her like he was afraid to touch her, and Shepard hoped to take that as a good sign. She shut the door behind him and asked, "The mission get to your nerves?"

Her handsome lieutenant chuckled and turned back to look at her with this uncertain smile. "You could say that." Before Anya could get in another word, Kaidan stepped towards her and the mood of the conversation started changing. It got intimate. And she didn't like it. "It's all just so much. Saren, the Geth, Reapers... I knew when I joined the Alliance that things would be dangerous and I was proud to be apart of it. But now we've lost Ash, and now there's... I just can't wrap my head around the fact this might be the last night I'm alive. Or the last night I ever have a chance to tell you how I feel."

Suddenly, Anya felt suffocated. Kaidan had proverbial hearts in her eyes and she wanted to scream. She cared so much about him and she couldn't stand putting him in a bad headspace right before Ilos, but this couldn't be happening. He couldn't be stepping towards her and looking so in love when the only person she even sort of wanted to see tonight was not him.

Hell, even if Garrus Vakarian never walked into her life and made it more confusing, she still wouldn't want this.

"Shep- Anya. I just want to-" And then Kaidan did the unthinkable. He closed the space between them, went to grab her waist, and tried to pull her in for a kiss. Her entire body recoiled and, before she could try to let him down gently, her fist let him down very, very heavily.

When her hand collided with his face, Kaidan fell to the floor. Anya felt instant regret. Reaching for his hand, he just looked up at her with this gaping horror. It made her feel like more of a monster than she already felt today. "Kaidan, I'm sorry. I just..." He stood up on his own and looked like he'd been betrayed. "I don't see you that way."

"But you always came to see me-"

Anya wanted to be kind, but she was so frustrated and over all of this. She'd been tiptoeing around her own ship for weeks. "I came to see everyone. I should've told you to back off sooner, I know, but I wanted to focus on this mission. I never thought it would get to this point." She pressed her face into her hands and then added, "For christ's sake, Alenko, I'm your CO, how did you think showing up to my room would go? The fate of the galaxy is at hand. I care a lot about you, but this... I should've put you in line before, but I have to do it now."

Kaidan rubbed his jaw, but there were no marks forming. Luckily the punch was a surprise to Anya herself. It wasn't a very good one. "I get it. I'm an idiot. Sorry for bothering you."

Before he could pass by her, Anya grabbed his arm and met his brown eyes. "Just because I don't feel that way doesn't mean I want you getting hurt tomorrow. Remember that."

"On your order, Commander." Then he pulled himself out of her grasp and left the room. Shepard just watched him go and kept staring in that direction long after he left. The whole thing was so surreal.

Fuck.

As much as Anya just wanted to get her head straight and remember her priorities, her thoughts were swimming. Left alone, all she'd have was Kaidan's face plastered in her mind all night. She couldn't do that for hours, just worry about what she'd done to him.

Christ, who the fuck invented romance, anyway? It was bullshit.

What she needed right now was a distraction. And not just any, but a goddamn friend.

Anya knew who she wanted to be with right now, but she didn't know if it was a good idea. But if there was no booze and all she wanted was a friend tonight anyway, what could the harm be?

Getting on her datapad, she sent GV a message. Can't sleep. Cards in my room?

When she started to put her pad down, she didn't expect it to vibrate with a response back before she could even put it away. Me neither. Be there in a sec.

While Anya couldn't ignore the butterflies in her stomach, she realized they didn't really matter right now. Well, they mattered. They still were doing a Russian ballet all across her stomach lining.

But what mattered was this night was shit, and despite all her platitudes she was terrified, and her best friend was going to come over and make it better. That, or at least help her forget for awhile.

This time, when her door pinged at her, she opened it with a relieved smile. And there he was, tall shoulders, bright blue eyes, and all the familiarity she needed. "Need a friend for the end of the galaxy?"

Shepard nodded and welcomed him in. "Always."

/

Author's Note:

I always hate talking about Virmire. And I normally dislike Ash (a lot) but I gave her some cute humanity and now I’m mad cause I’m sad

Only plus side is Garrus supporting our Anya through it <3 

Thanks so much for reading, and double thanks to my lovely patrons:

Danyell Jones

Amy Connolly

If you'd like to support the story, please go check out my bio for more info :) Twitter: @Steph_Marceau

#Shakarian #Drunk Punch Love #garrus vakarian #Anya Shepard #femshep x garrus #Virmire #ashley williams #kaidan alenko #ilos

[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Drunk Punch Love 2: Chapter 2

Pairing: FemShep and Garrus Vakarian (Shakarian)

Rating: PG-13 (with some tossed F-bombs)

Summary: Their awkward, badass journey through saving the galaxy and accidentally falling in love

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22089466/chapters/54170929

Part 2- Chapter 2: Alliance Stowaways

Before she could even adjust to being back on the Normandy with people she didn't know, and even before she could introduce herself to any of them, they were passing by a new colony hit by The Collectors, Freedom's Progress. Anya remembered duty-life was high pace and unexpected, but it kinda felt like she hadn't had time to breathe.

And the entire thing was overwhelmed by waves of emotion, because not only did they find a derelict colony, but they found Tali, too. Her Tali, engineering extraordinaire, cute laugh, and all. She was a leader, now. Watching her felt surreal, seeing the awkward wingwoman of Ash Williams so sure of herself now. They pushed down opposite sides of the pavilion, but all Anya wanted to do was fight by her side again.

But that wasn't her place anymore. It was Tali's team.

When they shot down the last bots and got to the one survivor, Veetor, he was a mess. They did some quick questioning, but it wasn't long before the guy just needed a blanket around his shoulders and to get cared for back home. Tali's people were walking him back to their ship and Anya felt so desperate to not let her go. Not again.

Being an emotional wimp about asking people to stay was part of her charm, though. And how could she ask Tali to give up being a leader just to be on her ship again? That'd be selfish. So she hugged her, told her to keep in touch, and made a few jokes about coming back from the dead.

Then, she watched Tali walk away from her.

She understood how important it was for Tali to continue supporting the Flotilla and getting Veetor home. But also her chest deflated as one more reminder of who she really was floated away.

Walking down the halls of the Normandy, wondering when they'd get to the Citadel so she could get some proper sweats instead of these ridiculous Cerberus slacks, it all was just too much. Too-friendly Jacob had barely let her breathe post-mission before he was taking her on this tour of her own ship.

It made sense why he was doing it, there were a lot of changes to Joker's beautiful baby. At the same time, though, she could feel wisps of memories in every corridor. Pressley used to give her bad jokes and every opinion he'd ever had on the command deck. She met Kaidan in the cockpit, where now it was just Joker and some AI named EDI bickering. Tali's engine room station was replaced by two funny engineers named Gabby and Donnely, but the way they played off each other was a little overwhelming for her jumbled brain.

And when they passed the battery, and he told her this was where the ships' gun calibrations were, she knew this was where Garrus would've belonged. But he didn't, because this wasn't quite her Normandy, and he wasn't here. The turian that got her through Saren was MIA. Maybe even-

Anya couldn't think about that or everything felt even more hazy.

Things brightened up, though, when Jacob walked her into the med-bay. Much to her surprise, the doc wasn't a stranger. She was an old friend. Prim, silver-haired, and beautiful as ever.

Much faster than she could get a word out, Anya pulled Dr. Chakwas into her arms. She said, "Good to see a friendly face."

"I'm sure, Shepard." When she pulled back, Chakwas touched her cheek. Part of it was affection, but the doctor also had her intense "medic" glare on. "Cerberus still hasn't erased the scars they left on you."

Her fingers waved away the woman's hand and brushed her own cheek; it was sensitive, but not painfully so. "Yeah, well, I'm no stranger to scars. Adds character."

Chakwas laughed at her. "Like you need any more character." A million moments and memories seemed to pass between them, half with Shepard in sweats swearing about some stitches. While she didn't mind scars, stitches always made her skin itch.

But that wasn't important. What was important was that she sniped another top-tier Alliance officer just by coming back from the dead. "How'd you end up here? I never thought-"

"I'd leave the Alliance? I haven't quite. You wrack up a lot of shore leave by my age. And when I heard there was going to be another ship captained by Commander Shepard, I had to join."

Jacob coughed into his hand and stood up straight, giving Anya an apologetic look. Considering he was interrupting Chakwas, it wasn't nearly apologetic enough. At her glare, he looked a little unsettled. "Hate to break up the reunion, but we still have a lot to see."

"Fine." Crossing her arms over her chest, Anya gave Chakwas a serious look. "I'm coming back later for you. You, Joker, and I are having dinner."

"I wouldn't miss it."

Following Jacob out of the med bay, she kinda wished she could karate chop his head off. It was like she got a new Alliance lackey without as many Chain of Command perks. And at least Alliance soldiers looked at her like a living legend; Jacob looked at her like a cash prize Cerberus won after some high stakes gambling. She was pretty sure she hated that more than the heroic evangelizing.

Anya also didn't enjoy being stuck in an elevator with him and, with four floors on the Normandy SR-2, it had happened way too much in one day. The dude radiated an uncomfortable amount of self-confidence and heat. She wasn't sure yet if any of it was justified.

Lucky for her, when the door opened he gestured for her to walk onto their final floor: the captain's quarters. Anya entered her room and was barely listening to him, marvelling at it. There was a great desk spot, shelves, a huge bed, a couch that looked even nicer than her Alliance one. If she ever did movie night-

Before she could stop herself, Anya winced. Once she stood in the center of the room, Jacob said, "And this is where you'll stay, concluding our tour."

She was a little cranky about that. Anya definitely could've talked a few more minutes with Chakwas and shown herself this room. But Jacob just kept talking. "Since we're not military, things can be a little more luxurious than the typical Alliance ship. Keeps the people happy."

"Wild to think this is mine." She pressed her fingers to the glass of the empty fish tank. Guess Cerberus wanted her to upgrade from her plants on the Normandy. Feeling a pang of nostalgia in her heart, Anya remembered how much she loved waking up to her succulents and ivy. She'd have to get some more since hers got blown out into space.

That thought didn't make her feel so good, either.

"Best Commander in the galaxy deserves it." Anya nearly vomited. She wasn't great with the overblown compliments, but she hated it even more coming from a soldier subordinate. Gave her too many memories of regretted conversations with one Kaidan Alenko.

Jacob didn't seem to catch her distaste, though, and continued gushing like a proper fanboy. If only he knew how much she hated it. "Just wanted to say, it's an honor serving under you. I expected the best, but being in a fight with you.. It's something else."

Yep, this was three steps too close to Alenko territory. Remembering what happened the last time someone talked like that and got her alone in her quarters, Anya got a little overwhelmed by the panic in her gut. It was seething, begging for things to be less complicated this time. She was a soldier first, not her teammate's fantisized sex dream.

Shepard blurted, "I have a hard rule against intimate relationships with my subordinates."

Turning towards her, Jacob peered. If anything he seemed surprised. Shit. He was just being a fanboy, not the Alenko kind, wasn't he? With an uncomfortable nod, he said, "O-kay. Duly noted." He walked past her, careful not to touch her at all. "If you need anything, Miranda's just a deck below and I'm by command."

Then, he was gone.

Of all her years as a commander, she did a great job being everyone's friend. At some points she almost convinced herself she was charismatic. But the second a topic made her uncomfortable? Anya clammed up.

That was normal enough in the early days, but since her last mission she panicked about someone having the hots for her, becoming even more of a bumbling idiot.

Liara, Kaidan, and Garrus broke her, didn't they?

Deciding she was over thinking about the romance politics on the old Normandy, Anya went over the dossiers The Illusive Man gave her. He recommended first to pick up a Salarian scientist on Omega, one who might be able to synthesize against the Collector nerve bugs. Past that, there was an old, seasoned merc named Zaeed that Cerberus bought out, some merc-killer named Archangel, the Krogan Warlord Okeer, a high-stakes thief named Kasumi, and some super-biotic, Jack, on a prison ship.

Cerberus' picks of team members were definitely a bit more... colorful than hers ever were. The shadiest person she worked with was Wrex, and that one was currently trying to create a unified Tuchanka. Wasn't exactly the same as a straight up war criminal.

Considering the calibre of people The Illusive Man wanted her to get, brilliant but dangerous, Shepard thought it best to read over the whole files. All it took was a glance over Jack's file to realize she was a girl, and that would've been a dumb, unecessary false assumption. Also, Zaeed had beef with the Blue Suns and Okeer was working with them, so that might cause some conflict she had to be aware of.

But just as she was opening Kasumi's file, arguably the tamest of the bunch, her omni-tool pinged. It was Joker. The guy preferred audio files because texting put too much pressure on his bones sometimes, so she turned up her volume. "You wanted dinner? Get your ass down here."

Anya ran her hands through her hair. Typical. Of course she would forget a dinner she planned herself. Literally only twenty four hours back with Joker and he already had something to give her shit about.

She was doing a great job turning over a new leaf in her second chance at life.

Trying to act casual, Anya quickly brushed her messy as hell hair and used the elevator to get to the crew dec. When she got there, Joker and Chakwas were leaning back in their chairs, like parents who caught their kid sneaking in late. They even had a pizza in between them.

Joker smirked and gave her the snark she expected. "We were waiting here for half an hour before we realized your dumb ass got all workaholic on us already."

"There's a lot to catch up on, Sue me." Shepard sat down and put a slice of pizza in her mouth. Classic cheese and garlic. She gave Chakwas a thumbs up for her cooking prowess. Sure, it was probably a frozen pizza, but Chakwas' always tasted better than anyone else's. In between bites she said, "Thanks."

"You're welcome, Shepard."

After she wolfed down half a slice, she asked, "While I eat like an animal, is there anything big in the Alliance I missed?"

Joker started. "Without your backing, Udina took over the council seat. Granted, I think Anderson was relieved."

She shrugged. That was what happened when you chose a seasoned, bad luck soldier to make your political decisions. Anya always figured Anderson would quit the job eventually. "Figures."

Chakwas looked a lot more hesitant with her comment, but she still did it with a smile. "I did a mission stint on the SS Marakov. Can report you're an easier Shepard to have a meal with."

Joker added, "I also spent some time with Oksana. She's buried herself in work. They left for a deep space recon mission a few months ago. No clue when they'll get back."

Anya kept chewing, trying to wrap her head around everything they were saying. The doctor's eyes were soft and sympathetic as she said, "To be quite honest, other than losing you... Not too much has changed. Although, the space you left was very real " Chakwas placed her hand of hers and it was so tender that Anya swallowed down the last of the pizza in her mouth. Everything was a wild mess, after dying, but it was so comforting to know people had her back.

And then Joker somehow ruined and enhanced the wholesome moment all at the same time. "To be really quite damn honest, it never felt real. I always felt like you should be showing up any moment to kick my ass for doing something dumb."

Before she could tell them how much their words meant to her, Miranda was over the intercoms. "We've made it to Omega, Shepard. Meet me in the briefing room."

Anya grumbled. "Dammit, I only got one slice of pizza." She shoved another one in her mouth and basically swallowed it whole. It was better than no pizza.

Chakwas just kinda stared at her in awe. Joker, on the other hand, said, "Fuck. Well, I guess I'll give this to you now."

He handed over a box and, while Shepard inhaled another pizza slice, she opened it. Inside was a pair of classic, cozy Citadel sweats. With a gulp, she beamed at Joker. "Thank-"

"Nope. There's another thing."

Pulling the sweats out, underneath was a set of ballet flats. Joker had seen her practice a few times when they were roommates, but she never knew he understood how much it meant to her. She couldn't smile wide enough for that one. Putting the sweats back on top of the shoes, Anya said, "Thank you. But you tell anyone what's in here, you die "

With his annoying smirk, he started to walk towards the elevator. "I know."

Her eyes flicked back to Chakwas and she grimaced. "Sorry I couldn't have a nice long dinner with you two. I'll make it up to you."

"I know you will."

Shepard saluted and then, with her box, ran towards the elevator. After it dropped off Joker, it was her turn to go to her room and suit it. She said to herself, "After we pick up this Salarian scientist, I'm going to remember the sweet feeling of sweats again."

And that was enough of a beautiful, human thing to make coming back to life really worth it. After all, she needed something to be excited for, beyond saving the galaxy. Sweats and those two Alliance stowaways didn't give her back the team she lost, but for now? They were enough.

///

Awww I love the Alliance babies. And knowing what we all know about Kaidan *glares* it's nice to know that some other friends still have Shepard's back.

In other news, excited to share some new Dragon Age stuff today! I'm participating in Merribela week on Tumblr so I will have 3-4 one shots about a pirate and a cute elf to share over the next few days. Yay!

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! And some serious double stuffed thanks to my lovely patrons:

Danypooh80

Amy Connolly

If you want to help support my writing, my Twitch aspirations, and my goal to create a fun, pro-fandom community, please check one of these places (or my bio) for more information:

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#Drunk Punch Love #shakarian #femshep x garrus #Garrus Vakarian #Anya Shepard #Joker #Chakwas #Alliance #Normandy #Mass Effect 2 #Mass effect fanfiction #fanfiction #bioware romances

[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Drunk Punch Love 2: Chapter 5

Pairing: FemShep and Garrus Vakarian (Shakarian)

Rating: PG-13 (with some tossed F-bombs)

Summary: Their awkward, badass journey through saving the galaxy and accidentally falling in love

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22089466/chapters/54170929

Part 2- Chapter 5: Biotic Bitches

It was like Joker was trying to kill her. That, or was trying to make her kill everyone else.

Somehow, in his verbal battles with EDI, he'd managed to malfunction the docking port of the Normandy so here they were, trapped in the decontamination bay, waiting for the door to goddamn open.

Anya wouldn't mind it too much, if she wasn't trapped in here with the angriest biotic she'd ever met, Jacob "I don't sleep with subordinates" Taylor, and Barbie Tits herself.

Her bizarre, natural leader charisma normally meant she got along with everyone she ever met, but this new crew really was testing her. Zaeed was always way too sketchy, but otherwise kept to himself. Miranda was always judgmental and prying into her private life. Jacob was too friendly, and even though she was pretty sure it wasn't romantic, it made her uncomfortable. Mordin always rambled in science garble, and while she found it endearing, her soldier brain could barely keep up. The only team-members she really related to were the Odd Couple in the cockpit and the heavily drugged turian in med-bay.

And the new gal, Jack? She was something else. From the second their eyes met, she looked ready to tear Anya's throat out with her teeth.

The dossier made it clear Jack had been through shit, and that the heavy biotic had gripes about Cerberus, but she didn't expect shit to be this bad.

If those doors didn't open soon, she was pretty sure someone was going to crush skulls. It was an awkward day to be the only non-biotic in the room. If she went haywire, she had no barrier to protect her.

Jack was the first to pierce the silence. "I'm working my own damn way through the dumb fact that I'm willingly putting myself on a Cerberus hell-ship, but why in the fuck did you bring your Cerberus operatives, Shepard? You said you read my fucking file, right?"

Tipping her head back, Shepard was kinda hoping it'd roll off. It was preferable to the tense air in here. "I figured bringing a merc to a prison was a bad idea, and our scientist was busy synthesizing something. I apologize for their existence."

"Apology will only be accepted if I get to kill them."

"Absolutely not."

Across from her she could tell Miranda was getting testy. Her body was relatively still, but her arms and legs were crossing, like the more she wound herself up the better shot she'd have of pushing the frustration down.

"Pity. It's kinda badass to rip people in half."

But that seemed enough to push her over. Cutting her blue eyes at Jack, Miranda stood up and said, "Shouldn't you be thankful you're not rotting in that prison cell anymore?"

Anya knew whatever Miranda said wouldn't go over well, but from the way Jack's lips had turned and her face looked like it goddamned curdled, it was worse than expected. "Ah yeah, so fucking thankful to go from a prison that at least knows its bullshit to a prison that's going to try to bullshit me that its not."

"The Normandy's not-"

"The choice was get on your ship or blow the fuck up. Where are the real options there?"

While she wanted to step in between them, she was already pretty over this squabbling the last half hour of the mission. She just wanted to get out of this damn scenario.

But, then she remembered that she was the Commander of this vessel and it wasn't really a choice. No matter how annoying they were being, these three were part of her team now. Made her fucking miss Wrex and Ashley's bickering, because they actually listened to each other, even when they were being assholes. That was a tragic truth to accept, missing Ash's problematic, systematic racism issues. Everyone was prickly here with no remorse.

Just as she leaned forward to tell the two to shut the fuck up, Jacob stood up and tried to walk over to Miranda. "Miri, you're just tired-"

When he got close, she slapped his hand away. "Don't "Miri" me or tell me what I'm feeling. It's none of your business."

Okay, Shepard was generally a romantic idiot, but she understood that kind of exchange. That was the kind where two people once were on "Miri" terms and now they weren't.

Ready to toss a pistol, Anya accepted she couldn't just lean forward. She had to stand. Honestly, she was so over it she even pulled her pistol out of her holster and held it in her fist, hoping to make a point. "Every irritiable biotic in this room, please sit the fuck down and shut up. If you need to work out your issues, we can all do that privately in one-on-one conversations. But bickering like you're about to blow us out of this airlock is unhelpful and slightly too much of a threat for me not to take seriously. So if you'd all like to keep your place on this ship, and you left eyeballs, please keep it together. At least until the door opens."

As if on cue, the metal slid away from each other, revealing a wide-eyed Engineer Donelly. Anya was pretty sure he wasn't liking the sight of everyone standing and her gun out. And there was a fair shot he heard every word of her angry speech. Anya had to admit, she pitied the guy. She didn't want to be forced to deal with them either. Sighing, she holstered and gestured towards the exit. "Great timing. Please all leave."

Miranda and Jacob seemed tense as they walked out, but Anya grabbed Jack's arm as she walked by. The woman jerked her arm away like the Commander was a fucking spider. Rolling her eyes, Anya said, "You come with me. We're heading somewhere particular first."

"What, taking me to the fucking dressing room so that I can get on my cute little Cerberus slacks? You can fuck off if you think you're getting me in a uniform."

"One, those are gross and I wouldn't make anyone wear them. Two, no. We're heading to get you checked up." Shepard was practically speed-walking to the elevator. There were way too many elements she had to handle here, so she needed to get Jack dropped off to deal with a more personal one. One that insisted she didn't like prying.

Jack glared at Shepard ushered them into the elevator. "You do know that just because I was at a prison I wasn't infested with space tics or whatever, right? Asshole wanted to sell me, of course he kept the merchandise in decent condition."

"Stop acting so suspicious. It's just a routine check-up; every newcomer gets it. You're not special." As they walked up to med-bay, Anya added, "But don't worry, I'll make sure that Chakwas gives you an extra dose of genuine human kindness so you really lose your goddamn mind."

Even though she frowned, Jack did look less irritated than before. "I guess that's not totally sinister."

"Thank you. I'll be back in a little while, so don't blow up my med-bay, please."

"Now that you asked, I have to blow it up." Anya didn't have the fucking brain cells to deal with Jack's snark. She just glared and the biotic changed her tune, "Okay fine, I won't."

"Good."

After she watched Jack walk through the door, she caught a peek at the still comatose patient past her. Chakwas said she'd be able to wake up Garrus any day now, with everything all healed.

God, what a fucking story she'd have for him once he finally got up. This ship was a roller coaster. She only picked up a couple dossiers and she already had a bigger team than ever before, and she still had more to recruit.

But his absence wasn't the focus right now, even if it kept her up at night. He'd be back soon enough to keep her sane. Instead, she had a liaison to deal with.

Walking across the crew deck, she knocked on Miranda's door. Anya was pretty over being in her gear and kinda wished she'd stop back in her room for sweats, but honestly this couldn't wait. She might chicken out if she wasn't fuming about it.

Behind the metal, she heard, "Come in." Anya walked through the opening door and Miranda was already at her desk, writing up some report. Damn woman was thorough, she had to admit. And worse, she kinda respected it. Without looking up, Miranda continued, "Shepard, I'd figure you'd come by. For our new recruit I was thinking she could stay-"

"I didn't come here to talk about Jack."

Miranda's fingers stopped whirring around her keyboard and instead she looked up. "You aren't?"

"No." Cracking her knuckles, Anya inhaled and then said it as plainly as she could, "Miranda, what the hell went on between you and Jacob?" The second she asked, Miranda's face managed to pale even more than normal. Bingo. Some shit happened between them at some point. Before Miranda could even open her mouth, Shepard sat down across from her and put her hands together. "And more importantly, after going all "don't compromise the mission for feelings" on me, why did you choose to not share your own personal relationship?"

"Jacob and I aren't together. It's purely professional."

"For you, maybe." She saw that look of heartbreak and longing in Jacob's eyes; at the very least he missed "Miri", whatever the hell happened with them. Anya said, "I'm just saying it's a bit hypocritical and I don't appreciate it. It's not fair to hold me to a higher standard than you do yourself."

Those damned eyebrows furrowed at her as Miranda crossed her arms. Anya didn't want to know how many times she'd have to see that look over the course of the mission. "With all due respect Shepard, I have to hold you to a higher standard. I spent the last two years putting you back together, and we did it so you could save the galaxy. Nothing can get in the way of that mission."

Anya wasn't taking the bullshit. This time, she wasn't fresh off of exhaustion and panic over her best friend. This time, she was Commander motherfucking Shepard and she was sick of the members of this ship running amok. It was time for her to fill the role she was always meant to fill.

Placing her hands on Miranda's desk, she looked directly into those pretty blue eyes and started talking, "That was lovely and condescending, but you said you'd let me do things my way. And you want to know how I did things last mission? By getting personal. That's why my team trusted me so much and how we ended up changing things." On that personal note, Anya was way too aware that staying a stranger to her team wasn't helping things. With a beleaguered sigh, she said, "Also, just please actually work out whatever the hell is going on with Jacob, okay? Because I've received the heart-eyed looks and been the pathetic puppy-eyed person myself, and they both only keep happening if nobody deals with it."

Across from her, Miranda looked suddenly vulnerable, like there was something she wasn't saying here. Remembering there was a difference between Kaidan's persistence and outright stalking, she added, "But if he won't get over himself, I'll kick him off the ship for you. You do need to grow a pair, but if he's just harassing you that's not fair."

When Miranda looked up at her, she looked surprised and a little caught off guard. "T-Thank you, Shepard."

"I hope you know I didn't mean for this to turn supportive. I came in here fully pissed."

"I gathered from the body language." With a laugh, annoyingly perfect as always, Miranda drummed her fingers on her desk like she was running a million files through her head. After a few seconds, she finally seemed to have decided what she wanted to say. "For what it's worth, I am sorry for prying. Maybe I have a hard time trusting people to have the right intentions, so I assume any relationship is a distraction. But that's on me, not you."

Anya nodded, surprised herself with Miranda's candor. "I appreciate the humbleness. You're not quite what I expected from Cerberus, and I still hate your boss' guts, but you're pretty okay."

"I'll take it as a compliment."Raising a single, angular eyebrow, Miranda asked, "Anything else?"

"Good job on not killing Jack. She's... prickly. Don't worry about placing her, I'll figure it out for-" Just then, there was a crash across the hall. Between her rage and panic, Shepard's voice jumped an octave. She swore to God... "For fuck's sake."

Anything going on with Miranda was forgotten. All Anya could think about was Chakwas and Garrus in med-bay with the unstable biotic, and how it was her damn fault she left them alone with her. If she hurt them-

Rushing over to med-bay, Shepard entered and saw an entire shelf thrown into the wall, leaving a sizable dent. Across the room was Chakwas and Jack, one looking a little rattled and Jack just had her arms crossed like a petulant child. She threw her hands up, exasperated. "The hell? I gave you one job."

Chakwas chimed in, "To give her credit, I did ask her to hand me the medi-gel so I could test out how her biotics were they're still adjusting to freedom."

"Christ." Rubbing her temple, Shepard tried to breathe away the anger. Constantly fighting with Jack wasn't going to solve any of the tension, so she needed to calm down. But the fact Garrus' sleeping face was about a foot from the wall dent made "calm" a little hard. "Just be careful. And if you hurt the patient over there, you get the airlock, got it?"

Jack groaned and said, "Fine. Sheesh what stick do you have up your ass?"

"You don't even want to talk about sticks up asses with me." Anya just had to keep her eyes off Garrus and she'd keep her cool. If she thought about him too much, things would get a little messy. And Jack's existence on this ship was already messy.

So, when she got to talking, she was probably a little too loud and aggressive. Fuck it. Gesturing to Jack, she said, "Now get it together, we're going on a goddamned tour of the ship so we can find a suitable room for you!"

"Uh.. Thanks?"

"You're. God. Damn. Welcome." Pausing by the elevator, she said, "But first I have to change my pants and to get this fucking bun gone. This day has been too stressful for either of those things to still be on my body. I need sweats to survive."

"I thought perfect Alliance soldier types didn't do loose hair or sweats."

"Well, that's not me. So get used to it."

Waiting in her doorway, Jack actually had this smirk on, where she looked somewhat pleased, but also annoyed that she felt any interest. To be honest, Anya kinda liked it. The biotic said, "Angry hot Cerberus operatives, disgruntled ex-Alliance heroes, and a surprisingly cool old lady doctor?" Anya changed into her sweats and pulled out her hair. Thank god. Sweet release. Sticking her hands in her pockets she walked them both back to the elevator. Jack gave her a once over, like she was some bizarre, completely alien person. "Maybe this ship won't be the worst thing that's happened to me."

When Anya thought of Garrus, she still wished the big guy was up and keeping her company in the madness. And maybe this wasn't an easy crew to get along with, not like her first one. But there were bright spots, in surprised, awkward liaisons and smirking ex-cons.

Taking a deep breath in, Anya accepted this crew would never be like her old one. They didn't have to be, though. She met Jack's eyes slightly above her and smiled. "You know what? Same."

Now all she needed was Garrus to wake up and she could really get this bizarre new band of misfits going. The "dynamic duo", as Joker called them, would lead this suicide squad in style.

Well, assuming their talk when he woke up went well.

Anya hoped it would.

///

I am so excited to share next chapter! My guys, it is wayyyy too long (as is the chapter after it) but we're about to hit a really exciting turning point in Garrus and Anya's relationship.

Preview: The next chapter is named The Lobsters. I am very proud of that title on many levels haha

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! And extra thanks for participating in my discord and always reading my newest chapters, my fantastic patrons:

Danyell Jones

Amy Connolly

#Drunk Punch Love #Shakarian #Femshep x Garrus #Garrus Vakarian #Anya Shepard #Friends to lovers #Awkward flirting #Team bonding #Jack #Miranda Lawson #Chakwas #Mass Effect Fanfiction