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addictedtostorytelling · 1 year

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Hi, I love your metas, they are very interesting because you see things that you hadn't even seen watching the episode. Seeing a post of yours, there is a book in Grissom's condo (single at 50) and I would like to know how you imagine the Grissom/Betty conversation explaining his relationship with Sara... you know, she's a younger girl, a student, a coworker... how do you imagine the conversation was? Grissom's mother imagining that the eternal bachelor was staying lol. Thank you very much.

hi, anon!

so i will use this post as preface to everything i'm going to say here.

as discussed in the above post, not only does canon tell us next to nothing about betty grissom, but what little canon does tell us about her is somewhat contradictory or at the very least confusing/ambiguous.

what facts we know about her are relatively few:

she became deaf at the age of eight due to cochlear otosclerosis (see episode 01x20 "sounds of silence").

her primary language is american sign language, but she is capable of lip-reading spoken american english, as well (see episodes 01x20 "sounds of silence" and 11x13 "the two mrs. grissoms").

she is a roman catholic and at some point bequeathed grissom a set of her rosary beads (see episode 07x05 "double-cross").

as per grissom's old cbs character biographies, she owned an art gallery in marina del rey, california while grissom was growing up. (however, this fact has never been confirmed on the show.)

her husband died suddenly when grissom was nine years old, and she never remarried afterward (see episode 06x10 "still life").

she has an assertive personality and was "the boss" while grissom was growing up (see episode 02x20 "cats in the cradle").

she is active in the deaf community and makes philanthropic contributions to the gilbert college for the deaf in las vegas, nevada (see episode 11x13 "the two mrs. grissoms").

she maintains a friendship with grissom's ex-girlfriend, julia holden, whom she considers to be like a daughter to her (see episode 11x13 "the two mrs. grissoms").

by 2011, she has a strained relationship with her daughter-in-law, sara. however, after the events of the gilbert college bombing case, their dynamic likely improves (see episode 11x13 "the two mrs. grissoms").

the points we are still left to question about her biography are more numerous.

for example:

was her husband hearing or deaf or hard of hearing?

where does she live at various points during the show? (while it seems that she may live in vegas when the events of episode 11x13 "the two mrs. grissoms" are taking place, was she always located there or did she only move there more recently, perhaps after grissom and sara got married? during the earlier seasons of the show, did she perhaps still live in marina del rey, california? if so, is that perhaps the reason why she never came to visit grissom at work when he was still the night shift supervisor?)

what is her relationship with her son like? do they generally get along well? how often do they see each other/interact? does she approve of his life choices (both before and after he marries sara)?

how can grissom be rusty in asl in 2001, as per what dr. jane gilbert tells him in episode 01x20 "sounds of silence," if betty is still alive then and they are in even semiregular contact with each other? what does his apparent loss of full fluency in what is a native language for him say about his and betty's communication during that time in their lives?

what role, if any, did betty play in grissom and julia's past romantic relationship? did she perhaps introduce them? was she lobbying for them to get married? what are her thoughts and feelings on their breakup?

is betty ever resigned to grissom's seemingly perpetual bachelorhood after he and julia break up and before he marries sara? or does she continually push him toward dating/marriage?

does betty want grandchildren? if so, how open is she about wanting them? does she put pressure on grissom and/or sara to hurry up and have kids before the window of opportunity to do so closes?

when and under what circumstances does betty learn about grissom and sara's relationship?

what are her initial impressions of sara?

how does betty and sara's relationship get to the state that it's in during the events of episode 11x13 "the two mrs. grissoms"?

how does betty feel about grissom existing primarily in "the hearing world" and marrying someone who isn't (at that time) fluent in asl or associated with the deaf community?

what does betty think about sara's efforts to learn asl? is she at all approving of them or is sara's slowness to learn another sore spot between mother- and daughter-in-law?

what happens to betty after the events of episode 11x13 "the two mrs. grissoms"?

what does she think of grissom and sara's divorce in s13?

do she and sara maintain any contact post-divorce?

does she, like her portrayer phyllis frelich, pass away in 2014 or within the universe of the show, is she still perhaps alive at present?

unfortunately, because canon ultimately presents us with more questions than answers when it comes to betty, it is hard to say much of anything about her definitively—not even regarding her relationship with sara, which is, weirdly, the thing we actually see the most of with her character, given that it is the focus of episode 11x13 "the two mrs. grissoms."

again, as discussed in the linked post at the start of this answer, despite the showcase into that dynamic that we get in s11, we nevertheless don't really know when or under what particular circumstances betty first becomes aware of sara and/or meets her.

whether she hears about sara first and meets her later or the two things happen fairly simultaneously, we can't say.

if betty does hear about sara long before she meets her, then, honestly, she could do so really at any point from 1998, when grissom and sara first meet, on—with scenarios ranging from grissom casually mentioning to her that he "made a new (lady) friend" at a conference in 1998 to telling her about the holly gribbs debacle and his new hire out of san francisco in 2000 to letting her know that he is dating someone new in 2005 to him informing her out of the blue that he is thinking of asking his girlfriend to marry in in 2007, etc., etc., etc.

in said scenarios, grissom could tell betty either very little about sara and the nature of his and sara's relationship or he could tell her a lot.

frankly, given the absence of any canon evidence in this regard, headcanon rules here.

of course, when it comes to the matter of betty and sara's first meeting, we can perhaps narrow down the timeframe somewhat more, though honestly not by much.

while we can rule out betty and sara ever having met at any point prior to 2001—as sara only learns that grissom is fluent in asl for the first time during the events of episode 01x20 "sounds of silence," there's no way she could have met betty and/or been aware that grissom is a coda prior to that point—and while it also seems unlikely that they would have met at any point prior to 2005 when grissom and sara start dating, particularly given that betty never actually visits the lab while grissom is still working there (see episode 11x13 "the two mrs. grissoms"), it is possible that grissom "brings sara home to meet mom" at some point during his and sara's secret dating phase between 2005 and 2007.

remember that day off nick mentions grissom taking back in episode 07x11 "leaving las vegas"? well, maybe grissom and sara made a day trip to california to go visit betty or she came to nevada to visit them.

however, it is, of course, also possible that betty and sara don't actually meet each other in person until much later on—maybe not until after the point of sara's abduction (when grissom and sara's relationship "goes public") in 2007 or until grissom and sara are engaged between 2007 and 2009 or perhaps not even until after grissom and sara are already married circa 2009/2010.

not having concrete evidence to suggest a specific date, the best we can do is say there is a window for when betty may have first met sara: i.e., at any point between 2005 at the earliest and 2010 at the latest.

depending on when during that window she first learns of sara's existence and/or meets sara, sara may at the time be either grissom's friend, grissom's girlfriend, grissom's fiancée, or grissom's wife, depending.

while i believe there is some indication from episode 11x13 "the two mrs. grissoms" that betty and sara's relationship has not been a good or open one from the start—what sara tells catherine about how closed-off, argumentative, and "unavailable" betty tends to be sure makes it sound as if sara has felt stonewalled by her mother-in-law from day #1, whenever that may have been for them—sadly, we can't say much about their potential first introduction with certainty, meaning even that conjecture on my part is debatable.

so.

all of the above said, i guess i'll show my cards:

i don't really have one set headcanon for how grissom first tells his mother about sara and/or introduces them.

like.

while not a completely "blank slate" as a character, there is still enough blank space with betty that i don't think there is necessarily one right answer when it comes to her relationship history with sara.

for instance, it is just about equally as plausible that she is hostile to sara from the get-go for any number of reasons as it is that maybe she doesn't really start having a problem with her until she moves back from paris to the states without grissom. there is likewise "wiggle room" when it comes to imagining just how critical she actually is of sara: maybe she does constantly go after sara about everything, but maybe there are only a few specific points of contention that she keeps returning to (such as sara choosing to live separately from her husband and/or choosing not to have kids).

after all, the only things betty actually criticizes about sara (that we see) in episode 11x13 "the two mrs. grissoms" are that she didn't take grissom's last name when they got married, that she and grissom live on separate continents and see each other very seldom/sporadically, that she and grissom don't (in betty's opinion) talk enough, and she and grissom don't (in betty's opinion) have enough sex; despite popular fanon and sara's own complaints about betty having it out for her, the truth is that betty never (that we see) actually says anything untoward regarding sara's age, the fact that she used to be grissom's employee, her background, her work, and/or her character/personality at all. so though it is possible that betty is critical of everything having to do with her daughter-in-law, it is also just as possible that maybe sara is imagining that betty is more disapproving of her than is actually the case. again, we haven't seen enough of their relationship outside of episode 11x13 "the two mrs. grissoms" to really say for sure, one way or the other.

honestly, given the ambiguity surrounding betty's character and her dynamic with sara, i probably wouldn't write the same version of either her or the events of her learning about and/or meeting sara for the first time the same way twice between fics. there's just not enough to go on to really suggest a stable interpretation of either her or certain events surrounding her.

that so.

all i can offer you here is just one plausible spin on the scenario you're interested in, with an acknowledgement that i in no way view it as the one right answer™.

with that disclaimer in mind, discussion after the "keep reading," if you're game.

so.

in this version of the story, betty doesn't learn anything of sara until fairly late in the game—not until after the point of sara's abduction by the miniature killer.

it's not that grissom necessarily purposefully conceals from his mother the fact that he has a very serious live-in girlfriend. it's just that he and betty tend to have fairly sporadic contact with each other, mostly communicating via email, and somehow the topic never comes up in their correspondence.

on the few occasions between when grissom and sara first start dating in 2005 and the time of her abduction in 2007 when grissom actually speaks to his mother over video call and/or visits with her in person, sara herself insists that she doesn't want to intrude, as she knows how rarely grissom gets to enjoy these face-to-faces with his mom.

so between her reluctance to impose and his tendency to let his mother have run of their conversations (picking the topics and asking the questions), somehow it just ends up that he neglects to tell his mother that he is in a relationship with the love of his life for two full years.

now.

to take a step back and talk about betty a bit, in this version of the story, she has long nursed a private sense of hurt that after grissom left home to attend university, he gradually began to be more and more distant from her and the deaf culture she had raised him in. from betty's perspective, the more integrated her son became into his hearing world, the less contact he had with her. it was like he forgot his roots and turned his back on both that part of his identity and her.

so when he met a nice deaf girl, julia holden, and started dating her, betty was overjoyed. she had very much hoped that grissom and julia would marry, not only because she adores julia personally but also because she had hopes that if her hearing son married a deaf woman (and possibly had children with her), then he might become reintegrated into the deaf cultural world he had previously left behind, and their mother-son relationship would improve.

understandably, then, when grissom and julia's relationship ended in a breakup, betty was devastated, not only because she felt as if grissom was making a big mistake personally—julia was perfect for him! how could he not see?—but also because it felt to her like another rejection, both of her world and (in a way) of her; it was like he had chosen to walk away from his heritage for a second time.

consequently, the breakup became a really sore spot between her and grissom—and especially because he could never adequately explain to her just what exactly had gone wrong between him and julia, who had seemed on paper to be the perfect match for each other.

eventually, grissom asked betty to drop the topic, and she respected his wishes.

however, she always harbored a secret hope that one day he would realize the error in his ways and find some means by which to patch things up with julia and make the relationship work.

something, something about how julia also—in this version of the story—has ties in california, so maybe if they were to marry, they might even "move home," placing them closer to betty.

her secret hopes in this regard were encouraged by the fact that grissom never, insofar as she knew, seriously dated anyone after julia.

was he maybe still nursing that old flame?

betty could only pray.

of course, as time went on and grissom showed no interest in getting back together with julia or even in dating anyone else, betty could only wonder what might be going on with her son. he worked all the time. he never went out. he did have this friend at work, catherine, he sometimes mentioned, but she was married and had a child, and he didn't seem to feel "that way" about her anyhow, so betty couldn't figure out what was up. she couldn't understand why it was that he seemed so unmotivated to date.

after all, it wasn't like he was getting younger.

did he want to be alone forever?

secretly, betty wondered what it was she had "done wrong" to make him so aloof. she thought she had taught him the importance of marriage and family as he was growing up, but maybe she had somehow missed the mark.

despite her promise not to harangue him about julia specifically, she did sometimes pester him about his lack of a love life in general, encouraging him to "put himself out there" so he wouldn't end up a perpetual lonely, old bachelor.

however, the older grissom got, the more betty's aspirations for him in this regard faded.

as he was pushing fifty, she became convinced: that ship had sailed for him, never to return.

imagine her pure shock, then, when in july '07, grissom contacts her and says that he would like to have a video chat.

now.

the shocking thing is not the request in itself—though they don't chat often, they do sometimes, so it's not an entirely unusual thing—but rather the fact that as they start trying to pin down a time, he tells her that his schedule is open, so they can fit the chat in whenever.

normally, with his busy working schedule, it's very difficult for him to carve out even an hour or so to talk and they have to plan for all sorts of contingencies in the event that he gets on a hot case and can't make their original appointment because he ends up working consecutive shifts. moreover, usually, he isn't available in the late afternoons and evenings, because that's when he's sleeping. furthermore, they typically have to make arrangements months in advance, knowing even as they do so that despite their best intentions, they still may not end up actually having their calls in the end, should his schedule suddenly fluctuate.

so for him to tell her he's wide open and can call any time in the immediate future—that's unusual.

betty asks about his work, and he replies that he is actually off of work at the moment and will be for the next few months.

betty is flabbergasted.

not once in 22+ years has her son ever taken an extended vacation, even to come visit her in california. it's very unlike him to step away from his job.

she can't help but wonder if everything is all right and asks as much.

and that's when he tells her: there's a woman in his life—sara—and she recently got very hurt on the job. he is taking time off from the lab to care for her. that's part of why he wanted to call, so that betty could meet her.

reading those words in the email, betty's jaw almost drops clean off.

she, of course, has so many questions.

who is sara? how did he meet her? how long have they known each other? what are her injuries? why is grissom the one taking care of her as opposed to maybe her family?

she carries some sense of confusion because she can't imagine that grissom has been seeing this sara for very long or else he probably would have told her that he was before this point. however, taking care of someone who has been seriously injured is a big commitment, which suggests that the relationship is maybe already well-developed. she doesn't know how to reconcile those two seemingly discrepant notions.

of course, even despite her confusion, betty is nevertheless pleased to learn that her son is seeing someone, as she had all but given up on him ever dating again by this point in his life.

she doesn't spend a lot of time actively imagining sara, knowing that she'll see her on the video call soon enough, but in a passive way, she assumes that sara is probably, like grissom, someone "later in life," perhaps a widow or a divorcée in her forties or fifties.

grissom does tell betty in advance that sara is hearing and doesn't sign, which, admittedly, is a disappointment to betty; however, at this late point in the game, she figures that beggars can't be choosers and determines to keep an open mind towards her son's new lady friend.

so cut to shock #2.

the girl on the video call is just that—a girl.

almost young enough, by the looks of things, to be grissom's daughter.

that's the first thing about her that strikes betty, even more than the cast on her arm or the only semi-healed wounds on her face.

she can't be any older than thirty-five at the most.

which—

well, betty doesn't want to judge, but she can't pretend she isn't a little surprised that her son would go for someone so much younger than he is. she can't help but wonder: where would these two even have met? what can they possibly have in common?

so, shock #3.

during the course of the conversation, the truth comes out: sara works for grissom. literally, she is a member of his forensics team. she got hurt when a serial killer they were investigating kidnapped and almost killed her.

now.

betty isn't aware of the lab policy forbidding romantic relationships between coworkers, but she does know it's a little, uh, unseemly for a boss in his fifties to be dating his employee who is probably twenty years younger than he is. she can't pretend she isn't a little affronted.

she didn't think her son was "like that"!

and especially not when she gets shock #4.

grissom and sara have been dating for 2+ years by this point.

they live together.

and, okay.

it's not that she doesn't think sara is a nice girl. honestly, she seems fine enough—sitting there quietly on the couch at grissom's side, clinging to him with her one uncasted hand, acting shy and diffident, with wide, scared eyes, answering questions when called upon but otherwise keeping to herself, allowing betty and grissom to captain the conversation.

it's just that betty can't help but wonder if maybe her son isn't going through something of a midlife crisis, dating this young, hurt, timid girl who works for him.

not that grissom is especially wealthy, but he has done well enough for himself, financially; maybe sara is a gold digger.

and she also can't help but feel a little bit hurt herself that grissom never mentioned the relationship before now.

she knows that she and her son don't talk as often as she would prefer, but she had always thought that they were honest with each other. it startles her to think that he could have kept something this important from her for so long.

she questions why he might have done so, and the only thing she can figure is that maybe the relationship to this point hasn't been a very serious one. maybe it started out as more of a fling, but now that sara is hurt grissom feels somehow obligated; maybe it's only just gotten serious.

betty tries to be cordial during the call, but, frankly, the whole situation is just weird.

she asks the normal sorts of things one would while getting to know someone new: where is sara from? how did she get into this line of work? how did she and grissom meet?

she gets some answers, but others—

maybe it's a translation issue, but betty can't help but feel like sara is hiding something.

she is very vague with some of her replies.

the one thing betty learns that pleases her: sara is a harvard graduate.

the whole exchange just feels somehow off.

thankfully, the call is relatively brief, as grissom and sara have to hurry away so she can take medications and go to a physical therapy appointment.

betty spends the rest of the day trying to make sense of all of the new shocking information she has learned and in fact is still trying to wrap her head around the situation a few weeks later when grissom writes her to ask if maybe he and sara can some to california to visit her—in this version of the story, betty is still living in marina del rey at this time—while they're both still on leave from work.

and it's not that the visit goes poorly, per se.

by now, sara has healed of her more superficial injuries, though her arm is still broken. even in spite of the cast, she tries to be helpful around the house where she can. and she's very polite—exceedingly so. compliments betty's garden and artwork. is pleasant enough company, in her way.

she and grissom have a good rapport. he's very attentive to her, and she is sweet with him. betty can tell that he is infatuated.

still.

she still can't shake the feeling that there is something sara is hiding.

and she also feels like, well—

it's not that there's any one big thing about sara that is necessarily wrong, but there are a plethora of little things that just aren't 100% right about her, either.

for example, it takes her until the second day of the three-day visit for her to stop looking at grissom when she's talking to betty. and it's not just that she is awkward being in a deaf household, just like so many hearing people are; sometimes she turns away from betty to talk to grissom in a way that makes it seem that she's purposefully trying to keep betty from reading her lips. like she's keeping secrets.

she also declines to go to mass on sunday, which in turn causes grissom to decline. and, sure, she's respectful about it, but it's also very clear that she is not in the least bit religious.

then there is the reticence. maybe she's just shy around strangers, but even by the third day, she hasn't much opened up. she never volunteers information about herself. hasn't shown much personality. it's like she is afraid of something, and betty doesn't know what.

so it's not that betty hates her.

it's just that she's not entirely sure what her son sees in this girl.

she is still chewing over that question when grissom approaches her on the final day of the visit, for once, sans sara in tow.

sara is off in the bedroom, packing up their things in preparation for their drive back to vegas the next morning.

he is in a chipper mood. thanks betty for hosting them. then asks her, in an eager way that reminds her of when he was a little boy, what she thinks—when pressed for clarification—of sara.

betty tells him what is the truth: that sara seems like a nice girl. smart. good.

it's then she gets what is shock #5: grissom asks her if he can have her mother's ring because he is going to propose to sara soon, once she's recovered a bit more from her injuries.

betty almost loses her jaw again.

suddenly, all of the little incalculable issues with sara don't seem so little anymore.

it's one thing for her son to have a girlfriend who is a closed book; for him to date someone who doesn't sign and isn't religious and is an outsider to their whole family culture; for him to temporarily spend his time with someone so much younger and so reserved.

but for him to marry her?

given her sense that something is off about sara, betty can't help but feel that her son is making a potentially serious mistake.

that sense is only compounded when she finds out that not long after grissom and sara's engagement, sara has left las vegas, apparently having experienced some kind of nervous breakdown.

while it's of course understandable after all that has happened to her that the poor girl would be fragile, betty can't help but see her flight as a kind of red flag—and especially because she stays away from vegas for six full months.

for her son's sake, she is glad when in may '08 sara returns to him again.

however, she is shocked when four months later, in september '08, grissom informs her that sara has skipped town again—apparently, this time without leaving any word as to where she has gone.

while by this point, betty is convinced that grissom's love for sara is very genuine, she also can't help but secretly feel like maybe it would be for the best for him if sara just never returned. the girl just seems unstable. certainly, is a flight risk. as a mother, betty just doesn't want to see grissom saddle himself to someone that comes with that much baggage.

so cut to shock #6, when in february '09, grissom turns up on betty's doorstep in marina del rey with sara in tow, and they inform her that they have recently returned from costa rica, where they got married.

and, again, it's not that betty hates sara.

it's just that she is concerned.

how could she not be?

it seems like, in her opinion, grissom and sara have spent almost more time apart at this point than they have together, and sara has a tendency to run anytime things get hard. she can't help but wonder what kind of life they will have if sara can't ever manage to stay put in one place for more than a few months on end. she also worries about sara's mental health, particularly if she and grissom ever intend to have children. will she be able to hold things together in the long run?

she also can't pretend she isn't a little bit worried that grissom has—as he informs her—quit his job at the lab, with no intentions to return.

he is still young for retirement.

what is his plan?

he seems to be giving up an awful lot for the sake of his wife.

betty's misgivings only deepen when grissom and sara abruptly move away to paris, and then deepen even more when just a few months later, sara moves back to the usa, sans grissom, who remains behind to teach at the sorbonne.

though they assure her they're very happy, she doesn't understand this unconventional approach to marriage.

when her husband was alive, she never wanted to spend a night away from him.

it just seems to her, from her outsider's perspective, like her son is constantly in a state of waiting around for this girl who just can't make herself stay put.

betty doesn't wish ill on the marriage, but she does question for how long it can remain viable with grissom and sara living 6,000 miles away from each other.

she also can't help but feel as if her fears regarding "losing grissom" have, unfortunately, been realized: now she has even less contact with her son than ever, and she is in a position where if she even broaches her concerns to him, she is likely to offend him and trigger his defensiveness for his wife.

it is in this state of wariness that the events of episode 11x13 "the two mrs. grissoms" take place.

anyway.

like i said, this one is certainly not the only viable scenario for how betty first learns about sara, but it is one that i could see happening, as things play out in canon.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

#answered #anon #asks: csi #**#my meta #meta: csi #betty grissom #hypothetical scenario #let's talk shop #csiverse

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