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theresaathaai-blog · 11 years

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After listening to the song "Today My Life Begins" and "Clarity" over and over and over and over again every single night since we broke up exactly 3 weeks ago from today, the lyrics of those two songs got to me. It finally hit me last night. Finally.

Today My Life Begins-"I’ve been working hard so long, seems like pain has been my only friend, my fragile heart’s been done so wrong, I wondered if I’d ever heal again, oh just like all the seasons never stay the same, all around me I can feel a change (oh) I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me, leave the past behind me, today my life begins, a whole new world is waiting its mine for the taking, I know I can make it today my life begins, yesterday has come and gone, and I’ve learn how to leave it where it is, and I see that I was wrong, for ever doubting I could win….Life’s too short to have regrets, so I’m learning now to leave it in the past and try to forget..”

What am I doing to myself? Why am I holding onto a person that has changed his ways? He’s not the same person that I fell for. That person that I fell for no longer exists. That person is a changed person now.

And if one day we ever speak to again, it’ll be an even sadder day aside from the current days where you are ignoring me. Because I know that I’m not talking to you. Not the you that I fell for. Not the sweet, loving, caring, kind, cute, funny, adorable, thoughtful, affectionate, passionate, supportive, and understanding guy that I fell for. But a whole new and different you.

What’s the point of holding onto something that isn’t there? What’s the point of holding onto something that doesn’t want to be held? What’s the point of holding onto something that wants you to be gone?

Clarity-"…we both know how this ends, our clock ticks till it breaks your glass, and I drown in you again, cause you are the piece of me, I wish I didn’t need, chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don’t know why, if our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy, if our love’s insanity, why are you my clarity.."

You’ve become a part of me; to the point where I can’t let go of you no matter how hard I try. No matter what I do. No matter who I meet. No matter who I become close to. No matter how busy I become. No matter what the circumstances. You’ve impacted me so much. You made a big difference and dramatic change in my life. I’ll always care about you. I’ll always love you. I’ll always have a soft spot for you in my heart. No matter what I put you through and no matter what you put me through, nothing is going to change how I care about you, have a soft spot for you, and as crazy as it seems, love you.

”..you are the piece of me, I wish I didn’t need" - I really wish I didn’t need you because all I think about is you. All I think about is the memories with you and EVERYTHING we went through together. I can’t keep my mind off of you. I can’t keep my mind off of anything that has to do with you or reminds me of you.

I’m never gonna see him again now that high school is over. Besides, you don’t even see 99% of your friends from high school or those who went to high school with you. You don’t even talk to 99% of them after high school. But whatever I guess, because ..

If someone wants to be a part of your life, they will be there. Don’t bother saving a spot for someone who won’t make an effort to stay.

Don’t beg for anyone to stay in your life. If they want to be a part of your life, they will stay.

#060813 #its been exactly 3 weeks since we seperated #062213 #exactly a week since you started ignoring me #062913

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